#this ask has also sat in my inbox for a month. so sorry about that.

[snowangeldotmp3]

could we get a wip of flayed robin if there is any?

sure! it's not much, but i was talking about the interrogation with flayed robin with a mutual and then this happened :)

“You can’t save her…” Robin’s lips split into a wide grin, bloody teeth on display. A chill shoots down Nancy’s spin, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. Robin laughs. “You didn’t even notice I had her, and now you want to play the hero?”

[catch1ngmoths]

๋࣭⭑: GROAN 𖦹๋࣭⭑:

♪ ༘⋆“And yeah, I wanna spend the night with you. Yeah, I wanna feel a beating, bleeding heart, don't you? Because I've never really known but I pinky-promise you I'm grown, and I wanna know what it feels like” -dazey and the scouts ♪ ༘⋆

SUMMARY: Basically just a joost Klein x Fem!virgin reader fic

WARNINGS: Smut, PIV sex, female anatomy, joost is a flirt, very soft, reader is a virgin, pantie stealing?

NOTE: oh my god…I AM SO SORRY FOR MY 4 MONTH ABSENCE!! I HAVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH, I’ve just been so busy but this concept with this song has been rent free in my head, so here yall go! Also there are 34 requests in my inbox so idk if I’ll make all of them but I might finish some of those, IDK!

‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹ ‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹ ‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹ ‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹

Party’s. You hated most of them, they were always too loud or there were too many people. Too much going on. Too much. Which is why you were sat on a random couch in the middle of a party that your friend dragged you to, picking at the skin around your nails. You let out a wince as you peal away some of the skin you relentlessly attacked, furrowing your brows. At least this was an excuse to get up and do something, you thought as you get up to stumble your way through drunk people into the kitchen.

As you look around for a napkin, paper towels, something, you hear someone clear their throat behind you. You turn around with slightly widened eyes to see a tall guy towering a few feet behind you, he had a whitish - blonde short mullet and piercing blue eyes. “Er - are you looking for something?” His accent made your knees weaken. “Oh! Well is there any bandages or paper towels? Something like that?” You ask with a polite smile

“Ah yes, come come, follow me.” He responds, with a smile that calmed any nerves about being here in the first place. You follow him through the drunken crowd of people, trying to be as close behind him as you could. He finally leads you to a small bathroom, looking through the cabinets before smiling back at you and pulling out bandages for you to pick from. Of course you pick the y/f/c one, and wrap it around your finger. “Thank you…..” you trail off, waiting for him to say his name

He chuckles, sitting himself on the edge of the bathtub, motioning you to sit down as well. “My names joost.” He says, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “That’s a nice name.” You say with a small smile, following his motion and sitting next to him. “And yours?” His accent just makes you weak, mentally cursing yourself for the way you’re reacting to this man you only just met.

You tell him your name with a smile, he repeats your name and mumbles a quiet “mooie” under his breath. You swear your heartbeat is so loud it could be heard through the music that’s thumping through the walls. “Why do you seem so upset? I noticed you earlier… you don’t seem to be enjoying this party too much?” Joost questions, shifting to turn more in your direction.

You smile at him, playing with the bandage on your finger, “I don’t do well with parties, there’s always too much going on for me” you respond, looking back at him and his intoxicating features. “Ah.” He says, his smirk turning into a small smile. “Not one for crowds then?” Joosts eyes scan yours, taking in how much smaller you are compared to him, more fragile. As if one wrong touch and you’ll break into tiny pieces, he’s pulled out of his thoughts with the sound of your voice again.

“What about you, how are you liking this?” you say with a smile and a head turn. “Me? I don’t enjoy it either, I’m only here because the host is one of my friends.” He replies with a shrug and a smile. Joost takes a second to look you up and down, noticing your outfit, how cute you look. “I like your outfit, by the way.” He comments, tilting his head slightly.

You light up at the compliment, a small smile playing on your lips. “Thank you, I wear things like this often.” You say softly, “It suits you, you look….” He pauses to look you up and down - he knew what he was doing, a sorta familiar feeling finding its way to your stomach. His eyes darting to your lips, not as subtly as he thought.

“Is that my turn to give you a compliment?” You tease, noticing his eyes. He looks into your eyes, his smirk never faltering. “Sure, hit me with your best shot, schat.” You hum, seemingly thinking of a compliment. Then after a beat, you speak. “You have really nice lips.” The words come out before you can stop them, it wasn’t really a lie though, but you curse your inner voice for having no filter. His smirk turns into a full on grin at the compliment, his eyes flickering to your lips once more before looking back at you. “You think so?”

“I do.” You say, trying to sound nonchalant about it. A shiver runs down your spine as his gaze lands on your lips, you could feel how he was eating you up just with his eyes. One of his legs was almost pressed completely up against yours, you could feel the heat from him as he leaned slightly closer to you. The air suddenly felt too hot in the room, his eyes never leaving yours.

“You know…you’re very easy to make nervous” he teases as he puts his hand on your knee. You try to speak but it comes out as a stutter, too distracted by his touch. “Y-Yeah?” You say quietly, your heart starting to hammer in your chest as he rubs your knee. He hums in response, his hand moves up further before resting on the inside of your thigh, the touch making your breath hitch again. “Yeah, just look at you getting all worked up by one little touch.”

You could feel heat rush to your cheeks at his words, how true they were. Your thighs instinctively close around his hand as it slowly starts rubbing your inner thigh. “Can’t help it.” You murmur. The only response he gave was a small smirk as he moves to face you completely, his hand now moving to your hip and grabbing it lightly.

You and him are now facing each other, you’re basically sitting on his lap with how close he has you. His hand is on your hip, the other one grabbing your chin, forcing you to look at him. His eyes are dilated and staring straight into yours, your body is practically on fire and on edge with how close he is to you. Before he could speak your lips are on his, the drinks you drank earlier making your judgement fuzzy.

As quick as it started you pulled away with wide eyes, “oh god…I’m sor-“ you go to speak until his hands pull your face to his, smashing his lips onto yours. Strong breaths leave both y’all’s lips, whimpers, and moans as well as y’all grab at each other. It’s a desperate tango of lust, “you wanna get out of here.?” He asks against your lips between heated kisses. “Uh huh..” you mumble, not trusting yourself to say words.

Before you knew it, you both were stumbling through the crowd to the front door. Joost was already on the phone with the taxi place as he walked out with you. Some people gave weird looks, some smirked in knowing, but most were too focused on themselves to care about the two pushing past forcefully. As you and joost got outside his lips were on yours once more, it looked like the beginning of a sex scene in a movie.

His hands roam your body feverishly like if he slowed down you’d disappear, while your hands were busy tugging and pulling at the hair on the back of his head. Lips were working on overdrive, a tango of lust and desperation bottled into harsh kisses. Finally the taxi pulls up and both of you part ways, getting in the taxi.

It was a ride full of tension, both you and joost looking over to one another every now and then. His fingers rubbing circles on your thigh, it was odd. You both felt a sense of longing towards one another, for only knowing each other for not even 30 minutes. It was a feeling that both of you felt in your stomachs, a feeling of not just lust but affection.

For you it was multiple feelings deep in your stomach, feelings of excitement, nervousness, awe, and lust. It made your head spin and your brain feel foggy but you didn’t have time to think too deep into these feelings since the taxi had pulled up to what you assumed to be joosts house. You both got out and as soon as your feel hit the floor, joosts hand was interlocked with yours.

You giggle as you get pulled to joosts front door, legs making long strides as smiles paint both y’all’s lips and laughs leave y’all’s mouths. He fumbles with his key as you stand with excitement and fear, you’d never done this before and felt everything inside you yelling to run away from this but your body craved his touch. He opens his door and pulls you inside, you smile against his lips as he connects them again.

You both stumble towards his bedroom, taking off clothes in a frenzy as y’all go. You finally reach the bedroom and are placed on the bed delicately like you were made of glass, I work of art that couldn’t be broken, not in his eyes at least. He leans down to kiss you once more but you furrow your brows and pull away, “joost…wait..” you mumble against his lips

He breathes heavily as he looks down at you, his eyes now flashing concern, “are you ok, do you wanna stop?” He asks, holding your face in his to get his point across that this can stop at the sound of a word. “Yeah - I’ve just, I’ve just never done this before..” you say as you bite the inside of your cheek anxiously, your eyes half lidded. His gaze softens tremendously as he smiles softly at you, “if you don’t want to do this then it’s no problem at-“ you cut him off with the vigorous shake of your head.

“No! I do…I just - you know.!” You blurt out, you had no idea what you were doing, how this would feel, what would happen. He sensed this as he nods at you, pressing a soft kiss to your head, “I’ll be gentle and walk you through it if you’d like..?” Your heart melts and nerves turn to giddiness, you nod and flash him a thankful smile. “I’d really like that..” you mumble against his lips as you press his glossy lips to yours

His shirt is already off and so is yours, you feel his lips licking and kissing at your neck, then the valley of your breasts, your soft tummy, and down until he reaches your skirt. He looks up at you and you swear you can die right here, right now in paradise. “Can I take these off schat?” He asks softly, you give a hum and nod but he doesn’t take that as an answer. “I need a yes or no baby” he smiles at you, he was gonna make sure you were sure about this the whole way through. You squeak out a weak, “please..yes”

He smiles and pulls them off with excitement, licking his lips at the sight of your clothed pussy. He kisses your clit through the fabric, admitting small sounds from you. He kisses and licks through the lace as he groans at the visual of your outlined pussy. He looks up at you once more for confirmation, your voice is shakey as you nod your head. He slowly pulls them off, teasing you before stuffing them in his black jean pocket. He breathes against your cunt before licking a proud stripe right up the center, you let out a whine and grab at his hair. He moans against your pussy, the vibration making your eyes roll back.

He works like he was starving, eating you out like I’d be his last meal but still finding a way to be gentle. His free hand rubbed shaped into your hips in a soothing manner, you could feel his smile against you as you let out a particularly sweet moan that makes him want to stay between your thighs for eternity. You soon feel an unfamiliar sensation in your stomach, grabbing harsher at his hair as you blabber words he couldn’t make out. He knew what was about to happen but didn’t want to make you too sensitive on your first time, he kisses your clit before pulling away.

You whine and shake your head, tears threatening to fall from your eyes in pleasure and frustration. He takes multiple visual pictures of you in this state, hoping to remember this forever. He kisses your cheeks as a not-so-guilty look fills his eyes, “I’m sorry honey, don’t want you to be too sensitive” he mumbles as he pulls off his belt and pants, leaving him in his boxers. You practically droll at the sight of his cock through his boxers, he was huge and you didn’t know how you’d be able to take him.

He sees your wide eyes and whimpers and chuckles, “don’t worry baby, I’ll be slow” he says softly before pulling off his boxers and climbing over you, cooing as he kisses away the sneaky tears that spilled from your eyes. “Are you okay; we can stop right now if you want to” he says cautiously, looking at you seriously. “No no, I want to - just be gentle please” you say softly making him look down at you in awe

“Wouldn’t be anything else with you” he says as he kisses you sweetly, pumping himself a few times before grabbing a condom and slipping it over his dick before asking you if you were ready and kissing your head. After you give him one final confirmation he pushes into you slowly, you wince at the pinching feeling, your eyes watering. He coos and rubs your cheek with his thumb, “shh shhh it’s ok, I’ve got you” he says, nothing but affection in his accent filled voice. He stays still for a few moments, kissing all over your face and mumbling words of encouragement and reassurance in your ear.

He finally speaks up with a genuine tone, “can I move now?” You look up at him and nod, he raises his eyebrows and smiles at you. “Y-yes, you can” you confirm verbally, he lets out hum of approval before slowly moving in and out. A shakey groan leaves his lips as his mouth falls open as he holds onto your waist, pressing soft kisses on your nose, forehead, and closed eyes. You whine and squirm under him as the feeling of pain slowly disappears and turns into pleasure.

His touch, his eyes, even his voice is gentle, as his dick moves softly inside you. The sound of skin slapping together along with moans and groans fill the room, he whispers words of praise in your ear and makes your heart feel full along with your body. “Your taking me so well Schatje, so so good” he moans out as he interlocks your fingers with his, his body embracing you in every way he could. Your moans get more high pitched, making him smile down at you, kissing your head. “J-joost I-“ you can’t find the words as you feel a weird sensation throughout your body before your eyes squeeze shut, tears flowing from your eyes

Joost thrusts a little faster and deeper, making you whine at the feeling of being so full. You feel a spark of pleasure fill your body as you squirm under him, letting out a loud moan. His thrusts continue but gently making you dumb on his cock. He follows shortly after, the hand that interlocks with yours squeezes as he cums, his brain short circuiting at the feeling of you around him. He mumbles words in his language you can’t make out as he holds onto you tightly.

He holds you in his embrace for a few minutes, both of you trying to catch your breath as you look at one another with adoration. “Are you okay baby?” He asks, making you smile at the pet name, “m’okay” you mumble quietly as he pulls away from you, your body suddenly felt empty and cold at the loss of warmth. “I’ll be right back” he speaks as he heads to the bathroom to grab something to clean you with, he returns with a washcloth and wipes you clean. His lips find your clit once more as he presses soft, loving kisses all over the swollen bud. You whine and he chuckles, “sorry schatje, couldn’t help myself” he speaks as he lends you some of his oversized clothes to wear

You both dress lazily before he pulls you into his warm bed, his arms wrap around you as your face is buried into his chest. His fingers rub your back soothingly as he whispers loving words into your ear, but the only thing you could think about was where this relationship would go from here. You wanted to see him again after this, you didn’t want this to be a onetime thing - neither did he….

‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹ ‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹ ‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹ ‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹

[lowkeychenle]

Opposites Attract [ZCL/NJM] (M)

Description: Your relationship with Jaemin started out simple--friends with benefits with zero complications...until there was one. That complication's name is Zhong Chenle, and after Jaemin agrees to expand your exclusivity deal to involve him, there's only one logical thing left to do...

Genre: Smut. That's it. It's literally 4.4k worth of smut.

This was a request! Thank you for requesting what turned into what is most likely the longest sex scene I have ever written LOL (and to the other anon in my inbox, my wonderfully Jaemle-fied brain is coming for you next)

Content Warnings: Explicit, rough, unprotected sex (don't do the unprotected part), Chenle says pretty girl again (not sorry) and also slut because duality (again?), Jaemin says princess and whore once i think? Overstimulation !!! and crying because of that...oh and also threesome? didn't know if that was clear lol

Word Count: 4,392

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x Reader x Na Jaemin (the lack of Jaemle gifs is a literal crime so HERE is a picture I found off the internet)

Juliet's Masterlist | Requests

Your arrangement is out of the ordinary, sure, but none of you are complaining. It started off fairly simple, with just you and Jaemin having your way with each other whenever you felt like it. You’d been friends with the boys practically forever at this point—you never kept secrets from them, and they never kept them from you, either.

That is…until you and Jaemin agreed to be friends with benefits. You both were much too busy to have anything real, and there honestly wasn’t anyone else you’d trust enough to not blab about it to all the other boys.

Chenle snuck his way in, figuratively and literally. You and Jaemin were normally very, very careful with this. None of the boys even had suspicions.

In group settings, he treats you like he treats the rest of them.

In private? You’re his princess, and he worships the ground you walk on.

That day, Jaemin texted you asking you to come over. It was the middle of the afternoon, and your activities were usually saved for nighttime. Either way, you didn’t hesitate. After almost six months of this arrangement, your body automatically responded to him. He never let you down.

He must’ve been frustrated about something because the two of you didn’t make it past the couch to his bedroom. Both of you were shirtless and he was pressed between your legs when his front door opened. Jaemin immediately pressed his chest to yours to cover you the best he could.

“Six months of everyone being ignorant to this has not been long enough,” Jaemin groaned, looking up at Chenle standing in the doorway.

He blinked rapidly at the two of you, in shock more than anything else. Nobody had even come close to suspecting the two of you.

“Dude,” Jaemin said. “Do you mind turning around so I can make sure she’s decent?”

“Yeah, duh. Shit.” Chenle whipped around to stare at the door, tugging his fingers through his hair.

Jaemin quickly grabbed your shirt and whispered an apology and a promise to make it up to you later. You took a deep breath and sat up on the couch, patting your cheeks to snap yourself out of your Jaemin haze.

“I didn’t know you two were a thing.” Chenle turned back to you, arms crossed over his chest.

You and Jaemin glanced at each other before Jaemin replied, “We’re not.”

“Oh, right. I forget that people who aren’t involved have sex all the time. Which is like…the definition of involved.” Chenle quirked an eyebrow.

“We’re not dating, is what he means.” You tried to explain it without spelling it out for him.

“So, he wouldn’t be mad if I asked you for a turn?” Chenle looked at Jaemin, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “You’d be perfectly okay with that?”

Jaemin’s jaw tightens. “It’s…Don’t be an idiot. There’s no feelings or dating, but it’s still exclusive.”

“Jaem.” You paused and studied Chenle closely. The way your mind strayed could simply be because you were interrupted right when an indescribable amount of heat flooded your body, but at this point, it didn’t even matter.

“What?”

“Why don’t we let him watch?” You tugged Jaemin closer to you and made brief eye contact with him before you dipped down to leave open-mouthed kisses along his neck.

Jaemin let out a shaky breath. “Is that what you want?”

“Ask him.”

Chenle stood there, watching you with laser focus as your hand moved down to palm Jaemin’s bulge through his jeans. His lips parted, tongue running over the edges of his teeth.

“Well?” Jaemin sighed. “Sit down and watch or get the fuck out.”

Without wasting another second, Chenle sat in the recliner and rested his elbows on his knees while he leaned forward.

You did this for two reasons—one, you’d always been attracted to Chenle. You’d always wondered what it’d be like to screw around with him, too, but that was mostly before things started with Jaemin. Two, having someone watch the two of you meant Jaemin would be going all out. He’d want to turn you into a moaning mess, to show that he was the one who made you feel good.

Jaemin is a tender lover, the type that memorizes every inch of your body and uses it accordingly. He’d be rough with you if you asked him too, but his favorite thing is watching you fall apart over and over again as he takes his time and pays attention to details. He knows when you’re close, the specific way to rub your clit to send you over the edge when his hips rutt against yours.

That day, Chenle did watch you. He didn’t get to do much more than that, but he got to witness the way Jaemin worshiped you. The way every single touch of his was deliberate in bringing you to the utmost peak of your pleasure—you went higher and higher every time you were with Jaemin.

He didn’t just watch, though. Not when Jaemin’s head was buried between your thighs, tongue-fucking you to oblivion. Chenle had taken himself out of his shorts and jerked himself off to the sound of your pleasure. When Jaemin finally slid his thick cock into you, he buried his head in your neck and kissed, licked, nipped, everything you liked. He fucked you with such precision, all while you were spread out wide on his couch, fully naked and on display for Chenle.

Jaemin paid him no attention. Only you. Only ever you.

“You fuck her raw?” Chenle’s voice was strained as his hand matched the pace Jaemin thrusted into you.

“Feels good.” Jaemin nodded, breath hitching when you clench around him. “Such a tight little pussy.”

A moan slipped past Chenle’s lips. The sound had you digging your nails into Jaemin’s shoulders. At that moment, you made eye contact with Chenle, and his hand jerked his cock faster. He started cursing quietly, eyebrows furrowing as he neared his end. Jaemin reached between the two of you and rubbed his perfect circles on your clit, and as your orgasm hit you hard, your back arched and you couldn’t contain your scream of pleasure.

When your vision unblurred, you saw Chenle with ropes of white on his T-shirt and his head dropped against the back of the chair. He gulped, trying his best to calm down. Jaemin groaned in your ear and spilled deep inside you, rocking his hips to help you come down from one of the best orgasms you’d had in a long time.

A week or so later when Jaemin gave you permission to initiate a similar relationship with Chenle, you didn’t hesitate. Luckily for you, Jaemin wasn’t possessive, and as long as you were still equally as interested in him, he didn’t care if you fucked Chenle, too.

The first time you did, you were floored and amazed by the differences between the two. Jaemin was tender, caring, gentle. You were royalty in his eyes, something to be worshiped. Chenle, on the other hand, was rough by default. He called you names that had your toes curling that Jaemin would probably punch him in the face for saying.

From that day forward, you fucked one of the two depending on your mood. They respected it and never questioned you, and the arrangement worked so well. Although the two of them stayed separate—they’d never fucked you at the same time, nor did either of them suggest it.

A shame, really.

And now, here you are—surrounded by your five oblivious friends and your two fuck buddies. What could go wrong?

Jaemin was good at being subtle, but when Chenle wanted to fuck you, you knew. A dark look would form in his eyes and they’d sharpen. Jaemin showed his want in more subtle ways, like when his touch would linger a tad too long on your shoulder, or when he’d move past you and touch your waist.

After the rest of the boys leave, Chenle and Jaemin stay behind. This isn’t unnatural, and honestly, they’ve been closer lately than they’ve been in a long time. You settle between them on the couch, closing your eyes and leaning your head on Chenle’s shoulder.

“You okay?” he asks.

“Yeah.” You nod.

Chenle puts his hand on your thigh, moving it higher and higher until it sits at the edge of your denim shorts. You immediately clench your legs together. Since that first time Chenle watched you and Jaemin, nothing like that had happened again. To have him touching you like this with Jaemin right next to you spurs thoughts in you that you’re unsure if either of them would be down with.

Chenle’s fingers slide beneath your shorts, teasingly rubbing along your skin. You glance over at Jaemin, sucking in a sharp breath when you see his eyes locked where you’re being touched.

“Look at you, Princess.” He clicks his tongue, brushing your hair behind your ear. “He’s barely touching you.”

Wetness pools at your core.

Chenle drags his nails across the hem of your panties. “Always so wet and ready. Bet you’d beg for cock, wouldn’t you?”

“Wouldn’t she look so good stuffed with two?” Jaemin reaches beneath your shirt and tugs your bra down to free your breasts. You gasp when he rolls your nipple.

“Fuck, she’d go crazy with you fucking her pussy and me fucking that pretty mouth.” His moves further, barely brushing against your clothed core. “What do you say, pretty girl? You want us both?”

Between Chenle’s teasing and Jaemin playing with your breasts, you can’t do anything but whine. You’ve dreamed of taking them both since Chenle watched you and Jaemin.

“Of course, she does,” Jaemin coos. “Look at her squirming already. We’ve barely even touched her.”

“Please.” You gasp, lifting your hips to try and get Chenle to apply more pressure.

“Who do you want to stretch you out?” Jaemin asks, pulling your shirt over your head before quickly unclasping your bra. “Don’t be shy, baby. Tell us who you want.”

“Both,” you moan. “Don’t stop touching me, please.”

Jaemin leans down to kiss over your chest while Chenle’s lips connect with your neck. You whimper, toes already curling at the feeling of their tongues leaving wet trails on you.

Chenle pops the button on your shorts, the undeniably simple motion making heat swarm every inch of your body. He tugs them off of you. You’re left in a pair of lace panties, but both of the boys are fully clothed. You pull Jaemin away from your breasts to kiss him hard, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt while Chenle fingers dance down your body to your core.

“God, Jaem, she’s soaked.” Chenle lets out a relaxed sigh. “Perfect little cockslut.”

When a shudder runs through you, Jaemin hums against your lips. “Did you like that, Princess? You like when he touches your pretty pussy while he thinks about fucking you like a whore?”

As the words leave Jaemin’s mouth, Chenle’s thumb presses against your clit through your panties and you slam your thighs together. Holy shit, that really just came out of his mouth. Your legs shake as you squirm.

“Don’t be like that,” Jaemin says, gripping one of your thighs while the other man grabs the other. The two of them wrench them apart so Chenle can continue his work.

“You want me to make you cum?” he asks, lips brushing the tip of your ear. “Gonna make you finish so much today, and you’re gonna take it like the good little slut you are.”

You nod, dropping your head back on the cushions. “Please. Please.”

He moves your soaked panties to the side, sliding two fingers in with ease. His palm presses into your clit with every thrust of his hand, and his tongue licks along your pulse. The two men are much too strong, and any attempts to close your legs is futile.

Jaemin latches on to the other side of your neck, nipping the base of it. You try your best to rock your hips, but the magic happening inside you doesn’t require your help. It never does when it comes to them.

Chenle adds a third, breath shuddering at how easy you take it, how much the wetness gushes around his fingers.

“Look at you,” Jaemin whispers. “So good at taking what we give you.”

You can’t even come up with coherent words. You end up mumbling gibberish at him as the bubble starts to form. It takes one last brush of Chenle’s palm on your sensitive bud to send you flying over the edge, your back arching as a scream leaves your lips.

The three of you sit in silence for a moment, even as Chenle gently thrusts his hand to help you come down from your high. The only sound is your rough breathing.

Jaemin reaches up to caress your face. “Why don’t you go wait in the bedroom? We’ll be in in a second.”

Although the last thing you want to do is separate yourself from them, you stand on shaky legs anyway. Chenle quickly grabs a handful of your ass, squeezing it before giving it a rough smack.

You’re only alone for a couple minutes at most before they follow you in. Having them both in front of you and towering over you is intimidating this way, but you don’t shy away from them.

Chenle grabs a pillow from the bed, tossing it on the floor in front of Jaemin while the latter pulls his shirt over his head and starts undoing his pants. 

“Didn’t want you to hurt your knees while you suck my cock,” Jaemin says, gesturing to the pillow. “Take your panties off and show me why you deserve to get fucked.”

You quickly do what he says, knees sinking into the soft fabric as your mouth waters at the sight of him pulling his pants down. You’re so concentrated on Jaemin, you almost don’t notice Chenle below you. His head rests down on the pillow, his hands already moving to explore the expanse of your legs.

“What are you doing?” Your face burns at the thousands of thoughts racing through you brain.

“None of that.” Jaemin grips your chin and lifts so you have to look at him. “Don’t pay him any attention when I need you like this.”

His shirt is absent from his chest, hard planes of muscle on display for you. You crave to lick him all over. He pushes his jeans and his boxers down his legs, eyes closing when you waste no time. You wrap your hand around his rock hard cock, jerking him slowly while you prepare yourself to take him in your mouth.

You take his tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue around. When you feel Chenle’s hands exploring the back of your thighs, you gasp. Jaemin uses the opportunity of your widened mouth to push himself further inside. He gently grips your hair, guiding you since you’re so distracted by what the other man is doing between your legs. You try to breathe through your nose, hollow your cheeks, do anything to aid in Jaemin’s pleasure, but your entire body shudders when Chenle squeezes your ass. You moan, reaching forward to grip Jaemin’s legs. That’s the only way you’ll keep yourself afloat between the both of them.

Your eyes water when Jaemin hits the back of your throat, causing it to constrict around him. He lets out a groan, his grasp tightening slightly. You feel Chenle shift below you, but you’re much too preoccupied to ask or see what he’s doing.

Hands still massaging your ass, Chenle presses a kiss to your throbbing clit. Your whine is barely heard while muffled by the cock thrusting into your mouth. Your knees wobble as Chenle flattens his tongue and licks up your slit, nails digging into your skin.

“That’s it, Princess,” Jaemin coos. “Your mouth is so perfect.”

You take initiative then, bobbing your head and taking him in as deep as you can while you grind down on Chenle’s tongue. Your moans increase in frequency as his lips wrap around your bud and his fingers circle your entrance.

Between the heavy cock on your tongue and the stimulation of your clit, your orgasm builds much faster than you anticipate. You never want this to be over. All you want is to be between them forever, feeling unimaginable pleasure at their hands.

“You’re doing so good,” Jaemin mutters.

You’re building and building and building, and then Chenle curls his fingers, and you scream around Jaemin. His hips buck involuntarily into your face, slamming his tip into the back of your throat. He pulls out of your mouth, chest heaving as he watches you crumble onto the man below you.

Chenle yanks you down until you’re sitting on his face, and he brings you down from your high gently.

“Fuck, that was close,” Jaemin groans, tugging his fingers through his hair. “Let her go now.”

One last lick to your entrance, and Chenle’s sliding out from under you, offering you help in standing up. His face glistens with your arousal, and unbelievably, it sends another wave of heat through your body. You kiss him, sighing at the taste of yourself on his lips.

Jaemin’s hands find your waist, squeezing you gently. “Get on the bed, baby. All fours.”

Your body is tingling from your recent orgasm when you pull away from Chenle to do as Jaemin says. Barely able to hold yourself up, you clench around nothing in excitement when the bed dips behind you.

They’re both out of sight, but you can always tell who’s touching you. Jaemin’s touches were soft and deliberate, and Chenle’s were rough and messy. Two completely different styles, but either way, they had you craving them both somehow.

“You ready for me?” Jaemin whispers, teasing your cunt with his cock. “You’re so fucking soaked.”

You only have to wonder about Chenle briefly, wondering where he’s at, because he climbs on the bed in front of you, the rest of his clothes shed and precum dripping from his tip. Your mouth waters all over again.

“Go easy on me, pretty girl.” Chenle bunches your hair in a ponytail. “I still want to fuck you when he’s done.”

Your eyes widen. Knowing Jaemin, there’s no way he’ll fuck you without making you cum. You’re already weak from the first two orgasms Chenle’s given to you, and the idea of four sounds so far-fetched. No way you’ll make it that many—your body would probably fall apart limb from limb.

Chenle taps the head of his cock against your lips, and you instinctively open your mouth for him. As he pushes in, Jaemin follows suit, both of them moving slowly, deliberately taking their sweet time in stretching you open to the max. Everything about this is perfect. Your wetness drips down your thighs and your toes curl and you feel so hazy and full.

You use your tongue to tease Chenle, stroking the underside of his cock and tracing along the prominent vein. Jaemin feels heavenly, his thick member plunging into you at a steady pace. Your legs and arms shake trying to keep yourself up. The last thing you should’ve done is tease Chenle, because he pushes himself so far into your mouth, he’s down your throat and your nose is against his pelvis.

“You’re too easy on her,” Chenle says to Jaemin, breath shuddering when you gag around him. “She’s just a little slut, begging to get fucked by both of us at the same time.”

Jaemin grips your hips, his working against you in fluid, steady motions. You feel them both everywhere. Even now, getting everything you wanted, you need more. The pleasure makes you delirious, your vision blurry and faded as Jaemin’s cock rubs against your walls in the most satisfying of ways. You lose track of how many sounds are muffled by Chenle. 

“Fuck,” Jaemin murmurs. “She fucking like that. She just got so tight.”

“Told you.” Chenle lets out a short, breathy laugh as he quickens his pace.

Jaemin reaches around you, reaching down to find your clit. He never fails to touch you in a way so perfect, you’re ready to crumble within seconds. Your jaw and arms ache, but it only aids your experience. 

Chenle pulls out of your mouth slowly, watching as a trail of spit stretches from your lips. Then he yanks your head back to make you look at him. The motion is so rough, tears spring into your eyes. You’re finally able to breathe properly, the whines, moans, and screams finally out in the air. He traces over your surely swollen lips with his thumb, gaze dark. Jaemin’s thrusts are met with lewd sounds of your wetness and skin slapping against skin.

“Be a good girl and cum for Jaem, slut.” Chenle tsks, pulling at your lip.

And you shatter, the loudest sound you’ve ever made escaping from you as Jaemin fucks you steady through your third orgasm. You can barely breathe, gasping as you quake. It doesn’t take long for Jaemin to follow suit, two more thrusts before he holds you against him, spilling deep inside you.

“As fun as the show has been,” Chenle begins, letting go of your hair. “I’m gonna need a turn before my balls fucking burst.”

Your arms can no longer keep you up, so your face falls into the mattress. Overstimulation has tears running down your cheeks, but nothing matters to you except finishing what you started.

Jaemin gives himself a second before he pulls out of you. He continues to hold your hips up until Chenle’s able to take his spot. Massaging your ass, he gives you a little bit to calm down.

“Be careful,” Jaemin mutters to Chenle.

You imagine the glare the latter gives in return.

“She’ll tell me if it’s too much.” He traces a finger up your spine. “Wouldn’t you?”

Unable to speak, you nod fervently, pushing back to encourage him. You’ve never been so overwhelmed in your life, but you craved more. A whimper falls from your lips as Chenle prods at your entrance.

“I know, baby,” he murmurs, gently scratching up and down your back. “You’re so fucking sexy, you know that? Wanting my cock when another man’s cum is still leaking out of you.”

You push back further, yearning for the stretch. They’re similar sizes, but Chenle’s thicker just enough for you to notice. No coherent thoughts swirl in your mind as you turn your head to look at Jaemin across the room.

His boxers are back on, and a tiny glimpse of worry spreads across his face. Your eyes roll all the way back as Chenle slides inside, every nerve-ending in your body on fire. He’s surprisingly gentle with you, barely rocking his hips to help you adjust to him and the sensitivity.

Jaemin makes his way over to you. Kneeling by the edge of the bed so he’s right in front of you. Your walls flutter incessantly around Chenle’s cock.

“You take us so well.” He brushes your hair stuck to your forehead from the sweat. “We’ll take care of you, Princess. You just gotta cum one more time, then we’ll take such good care of you.”

You whine at the thought of a fourth orgasm, but you nod. Jaemin’s thumb brushes your cheek, swiping away the tears. His lips meet yours, easily prying yours open so he can slide his tongue in your mouth. A low sound emanates from Chenle as his grip on you tightens. He thrusts faster, desperate for your attention, slamming himself inside you regardless of sensitivity.

You tremble, fisting the sheets as you cry out into Jaemin’s mouth. He stays put, but Chenle picks up his pace, his throbbing cock fucking you open.

“Good girl,” Chenle groans, his voice borderline whiny. Through his steady pace, his balls slap your clit with every thrust. You jolt each time, the sensitivity wreaking havoc on your body the closer you get.

When you explode around him, it’s sudden and quick. You hold onto the back of Jaemin’s neck, whimpering and gasping for air as if you can’t breathe. Chenle stutters, the clamp of your walls making him dig his fingers into your ass.

An elongated moan leaves his mouth as he bursts inside you. He stays inside you for a moment to allow himself to calm down. When he finally pulls out, he guides your practically limp body down to the mattress. Your chest heaves while you try to catch your breath, but the only thing you feel anymore is the overwhelming urge to fall asleep.

“You okay, baby?” Jaemin asks, tilting his head. “You know you look so pretty like this, right? With your lips swollen, eyes red and drooping…To think we made you this way…” he trails off, humming to himself.

When Chenle comes back, he’s got his boxers on and a towel in his hand. He turns you over, moving the cloth between your legs. You whine when it rubs against your sensitive bud, and Chenle whispers an apology to you.

“You should really take a bath or you’ll be sticky all night,” Chenle says as he wipes down your legs.

You shake your head.

Jaemin chuckles, a tiny smile gracing his face as he regards you. “Look how tired she is.”

 Chenle does his best to clean you up, and then he moves over you to give you a gentle kiss. You sigh in content, relishing in one of the rare moments of Chenle’s affection.

When it comes to after any given activity, Chenle always stays with you. He curls up in bed with you and kisses your face until both of you are ready to fall asleep.

Jaemin, on the other hand, is the opposite. At the beginning, it was your mutual understanding that one of you would leave.

Today, Jaemin watches as Chenle settles next to you, intrigued even more so when you curl into his chest and let out a deep breath. He decides he isn’t going to be the odd man out, so he joins.

The three of you sleep with limbs so tangled, you barely know who they belong to anymore.

[sailxrmxrs]

hello i really love your writing! if you're taking requests, i've been thinking about the infinite blue boys in a typical office setting with the MC and what that would be like? thank you!!~

this has been sat in my inbox for SO LONG I AM SO SORRY TO THE PERSON WHO REQUESTED THIS SDKFDGS but!! better later than never right??? right?????? anyway now is the perfect time to finally get around to this bc my brain has been so occupied lately playing sympathy kiss so office based otome is right at the forefront of my mind hehe. it's like it was meant to be. ALSO thank u so much!! i don't think too much about what i write after it's been posted so i forget people actually look at it sometimes sksjfkf TY FOR REQUESTING THIS WAS LOVELY TO THINK ABOUT also incredibly funny looking at the last post of me being like 'i want to get back to writing more regularly!!' as if i didn't slink back into the shadows again for four months this was also the first thing i've written since getting my new keyboard which is really taking some getting used to especially with nails dsklfsg still, enjoy office time gamers o7

♡ leo ♡

Leo definitely seems like the type to bring the energy to his office department, especially on a Monday morning when everyone wants nothing more than to have had just one more day to spend at home before work started all over again for another week. He'd be the only one with a spring in his step as he went about his morning, filling his water bottle, getting situated at his desk. Speaking of his desk, Leo's workspace would be the definition or organised chaos. Post-it notes are scattered across the bottom of his monitor, there's a pile of loose sheets covered in haphazard notes scrawled across them, and there are definitely more than a few pens with no ink left strewn across the desk. They also happen to be mixed in with perfectly usable pens so Leo would have to scramble for a pen when someone from another department came to brief him on a project he was working on. Every time, without fail, he is grabbing pens and scribbling on a notepad until he finds one that works enough to make notes clear enough for him to reference later on. You ask each time why he doesn't just go through and throw away the empty pens to which Leo jokingly scoffs about how he finds the right pens first time every time. He does not.

He's very much the epitome of a work best friend. Someone who will text you on the weekend like 'I know we spend every day sat next to each other but can we hang out together pls'. He enjoys your company okay!! You are very fun and he wants you to know that!! Will find himself getting into a bit of trouble for getting distracted talking about weekend plans with you but can you blame him? It's a Friday afternoon and his brain has logged off. Unfortunately for Leo, despite his brain having logged off, his computer is very much logged in so he has to force himself to keep going for that last stretch of hours between him and the weekend. Will whine and complain to you about how Fridays should be half days which, given Leo's usual demeanour at the start of the week, is an amusing shift in tone. Cut to a couple of hours later and Leo is shutting down his computer the second the clock ticks over to 5pm. He'll swing his chair around to face you, staring you down until you finally close everything down to get ready to leave. Think puppy watching and waiting for you to take them on a walk. Sometimes if you have plans for the Friday evening, he'll offer to pick you up on the way to work to save you the drive too. Also because it gives him an excuse for being late like oh no there was just so much traffic leaving their place I definitely did not stop for coffee on the way here not at all!! He absolutely did but don't worry he didn't forget to pick up your favourite order too~

I think Leo would be a really good motivator in the office too. If a day was going particularly bad, or if a really busy period struck he would be the perfect person to help keep your mood in balance. He's very encouraging for you to step away from your desk. Take a break, have a drink, maybe get a little snack to energise yourself. But he doesn't do it to distract you nor does he overstep any boundaries. He will offhandedly comment on how hard you've been working and make a gentle suggestion that a break is needed. He'd also offer to lend a hand if there was anything particularly pressing that was weighing you down. Try and say no. Try it. Never works. Leo's always happy to help because he knows you would do the same for him and have previously done so in the past when he was newer to the job and hadn't quite gotten his bearings yet. He makes the long days pass by quicker. Truly the best person to work with.

♡ milo ♡

Milo is absolutely that one coworker who keeps to himself a lot and develops this really cool and mysterious reputation. No one really knows what he does for work and no one ever asks him either because they're a little too intimidated to talk to him. It's not that he's had any particularly bad run-ins with anyone else in the office but more so that he no one really knows a whole lot about him. Any conversations about his weekend plans or what he did the evening prior are met with the most normal responses someone could muster. He's going grocery shopping, he's visiting family, he stayed in last night to watch tv. No one knows anything about his life outside of work and no one's bumped into him anywhere but in the office. The only reason people don't speculate that he lives there is because they see him drive in and park in the same spot at the same time each morning. Him keeping to himself isn't really an antisocial thing, but more so that he's there to work so would rather just get on with whatever he has to do with minimal distractions. He's an efficient man and doesn't like people stealing his attention away from any sort of deadline.

Then along comes this slight change in the office layout and suddenly your desk has been moved directly next to his. Surprise had left you stunned for a moment when Milo greeted you that first morning before sitting down and getting himself set up for the working day. He still never offered much conversation, just the usual 'good morning' and 'have a good evening' as you both left the office. It wasn't until you both stayed behind a little late one Friday evening to finish some paperwork before the weekend and he'd stricken up a conversation while walking back to your cars. It was mostly small talk, nothing of too much substance, but it was far more than he gave anyone else. If you ask, he simply answers that until the clock hits around 5pm, he's at work. Once he's left the office building, he's just normal Milo again. It's his way of separating work and his personal life. Honestly, his work/life balance is enviable.

Over time, as you grow closer, he'll start to chat more during office hours. Asking what you thought of a recent episode of a show, if you'd seen the news about an upcoming game. And your closeness wouldn't go unnoticed. You'll get coworkers whispering to you on your lunch break asking to share some information since they'd barely seen Milo speak with anyone else so openly before. You'd always politely decline, telling them he never really shared anything special and it was mostly just work related things—a white lie, of course, but what they didn't know didn't hurt them. Milo would appreciate it too, often voicing his complaints about the busybodies in the office not so subtly whispering about him. He didn't care too much about their speculations of him until they started dragging you into it too. Grumpy Milo grumbling into his coffee cup asking why they cared so much anyway. Who cares who he speaks to at work (He cares. But he won't tell you that).

♡ rory ♡

Rory at any given moment in time will take the opportunity to complain about something that has happened in the office that day. Whether it's someone not submitting documents on time or somebody emailing him with any extra set of tasks on top of his already stacked workload, he will be sending you a string of messages to blow off some steam. The first time it'd happened, you were sitting in the break room enjoying your lunch when Rory slumped into the chair next to you and signed so heavily you thought something terrible had happened and he was barely keeping himself together. As it had turned out, a new intern had done something without running it by anyone else first and caused a particularly big problem. One that Rory's manager decided would be his responsibility to resolve before the day's end. As well as meet his own deadlines for the same evening. To say he was stressed was an understatement. So Rory had taken solace in your quiet presence and let out his frustrations. Once he'd gotten it all out of his system, he apologised for the outburst and introduced himself, realising the two of you had never actually spoken before. He then offered to lend a listening ear for your own work annoyances, attentively taking it all in while you spoke. Once your lunch break came to an end, you exchanged contacts with the promise that you could be each other's dedicated work therapist whenever someone or something had pissed you off.

From that point on, you'd receive the odd message here and there throughout the day from Rory with the latest complaint. At first, it was just a way to get the annoyances off your chests but as time went on, conversations started to meander and before long you were becoming closer and closer. You didn't see each other much while working—only ever in passing if you needed to deliver a document to a different department or if there was a meeting you needed to attend. Your texts were your main point of contact with Rory until he suggested you start coordinating your lunch breaks so that you could actually hang out face-to-face rather than via text message. Coworkers would definitely start to speculate how and why these two individuals from completely different departments became friends or if there was something more to the relationship. Especially considering Rory, much like Milo, was more reserved and didn't really show much of an effort to become friends with the people he worked with. He was amicable enough but kept the colleague boundary up like a wall. Except with you, anyway.

I think Rory would want to extend your work friendship beyond office hours and would start wanting to text you later in the evening but is so nervous to come across as being too forward. He likes to act as though he's a very nonchalant person but he really isn't at all. Especially not where you are concerned. So you'd definitely need to be the one to nudge and initiate more of a friendship between you both. It wouldn't take much. All you'd need to do was text him one Saturday morning and mention how you were planning for a bookshop trip and as if he wanted to come along. He texts back almost instantly with a big 'YES' followed immediately by a 'glad you've finally recognised my superior taste in books' purely to save face for how eager he must have seemed. Would come into the office on the Monday with red cheeks once he saw you in the staff car park and try to sound as normal as possible commenting on how he had a good weekend. For his own sanity, just go along with it. He begs.

♡ alexei ♡

Alexei is the new starter who doesn't have a whole lot of office experience under his belt. He's bright eyed and eager to learn on the job but is also somewhat nervous to make mistakes or ask too many questions. It takes him a little while to settle in and feel fully comfortable with his surroundings but once he does, Alexei starts to really flourish. Once he knows you're happy to answer all of his questions and won't scold him for not understanding something straight way, he will come to you with an entire monologue of queries he wants to clarify. Literally rambles this long stream of consciousness before reaching the end of his list and looking at you all expectantly for your response. Listens so intently while he's perched on his desk chair, scribbling down notes as you run through everything he'd asked. Then turns back to his computer screen with a 'thank you' and then doesn't say another word for like two hours. He'll just be typing and clicking away with this intense focus until you have to tap on his shoulder and remind him to take a break from the screen for a few minutes. Will struggle to pull himself away for breaks because once he's in the zone he is IN. He only really likes stepping away from his desk when he has reached a good stopping point and he absolutely hates leaving a task partially finished.

I don't think Alexei would be a super social person at work. It wouldn't be for any particular reason other than the thought didn't really occur to him? He prefers to take his breaks at his desk because his chair is comfortable enough so the only people he really talks to on the regular are the people he works with directly. Being new, he hasn't had much of a reason to visit the other departments nor has he been brought on to any big projects that would have him meeting and working with anyone else around the office. Even after he's been there for a little while, he's reached a point where he feels awkward introducing himself because he's not exactly new anymore but he also doesn't know a lot of names. Whenever there's an office party or holiday event, Alexei will turn and whisper to you asking who that was or to remind him of a name. He could have had a good ten minute conversation with someone who and not had a single clue as to what their name was. It makes for some funny encounters, especially if it's someone not well liked within the office. They'd strike up a conversation just for Alexei to clearly not know who they are. We love to see it.

After Alexei has been working in the office for a few months and has gotten nicely settled in his job, I can see him being really welcoming to a new starter. In the same way you answered all his questions and helped him along with his training, Alexei would do the same for the new person. He might come across a little too excited with how forthcoming he is with explanations or offers to help out with anything they're struggling with but it's clear that he means well. He's just a little enthusiastic!! Would also start to add little decorations on his desk. He doesn't do anything too special, but he might have a tiny figurine of a jellyfish sat under his monitor and would have themed notepads and matching pens to go with them. If he's going to spend most of his day there, he wants it to feel like it's his personal little corner.

♡ brooklyn ♡

Brooklyn is the high ranking manager CEO businessman who is also one of the most likable people around the office. Despite him always being seen in his signature suits and ties with some sort of important document in hand at any given moment, he was genuinely pleased to speak with anyone working there. He has his moments of being the stern business type, particularly when in stressful meetings to discuss the company's performance for the quarter and their targets for the next quarter. Overall, however, he remains a generally calming presence. If you were his assistant, he'd try to alleviate as much of the pressure of the role as he could. He knew he was a painfully busy man and that you had no end of meetings to schedule, companies to contact for collaborations and partnerships. There was never really an end to your workload for which he felt a tad guilty. Anytime you entered his private office, reeling off the schedule for the afternoon or informing him of a visitor who had arrived to meet with him, Brooklyn is offering to make you a cup of tea or coffee no matter how many times you insist that that's your job, not his. He never listens.

I think he'd take a lot of interest in you as a person too, not wanting there to be this distinct barrier of boss and employee. He would much rather you both felt you stood on equal ground. That mindset had gotten him into some mild altercations in meetings when other company executives had made some sort of snide comment regarding your involvement in the discussions. Brooklyn wasn't going to stand for one of his most trusted and hardworking colleagues to be taken for granted. The strained tension never left the boardroom until a few minutes after the meeting ended and Brooklyn stormed out looking angrier than you'd ever seen him. Would be silent as he poured himself a cup of tea and then give you this serious talk about how if that were to ever happen without him around report it to him immediately. His expression was much sterner that you'd experienced from all your time working directly with Brooklyn, but it was evident that it came from a place of respect. And he explained as much as he leaned against his desk, pinching the spot between his brows as if the encounter had given him a headache.

There had never been any repeat instances following that afternoon, though you had overheard some whispers about the incident. Mostly from people surprised to hear that Brooklyn had raised his voice. Anytime you commented on it while presenting him with new paperwork, Brooklyn would adjust his tie awkwardly, face heating at the lack of composure he'd now exposed to the office. He took pride in coming across in a well-presented and calm manner so this one lapse of his self-restraint made him feel a touch embarrassed each time he was reminded of the event; in those moments he seemed less like the important business figure and more like a close friend you could playfully tease in passing moments between the busy hours. It was a comfortable and welcomed dynamic for the both of you.

♡ tobias ♡

Tobias is without a doubt the office socialite. He's always popping his head into the different departments with a request or to catch up after the weekend. He reminds me of someone I work with who is incredibly easy going and is friends with basically everyone in the office. Tobias can have a tendency to cause disruptions in that his voice will carry in an office room and he doesn't really realise how much of a distraction his presence can be sometimes. He doesn't mean to pull people away from anything important! But he also can't really help himself when it's the middle of the week and he's got all kinds of work adjacent stories to be shared. Will perch himself on your desk and start rambling away about something, not really noticing if you were paying him your full attention or not. It's only after he asks you a question and you noncommittally answer with a vague 'yes' that he'll start whining about how you're not listening to him. As much as we'd like to chat, some of us have work to do, Tobias. When you question him about his own work, Tobias will conveniently remember he needs to be somewhere else, dodging the question entirely and scampering away to a different department. There is usually a shaking of heads that follows after Tobias whenever he dashes off somewhere else—it's always from a place of endearing acceptance.

I can see Tobias being involved in the marketing side of a business. Definitely the one to organise big events and staff parties. He needs someone to rein him in though because some of his ideas aren't quite workplace or coworker friendly. He hears office party and thinks hell yeah time to go wild go crazy but no Tobias please the last time that happened you broke multiple office chairs we can't afford to keep replacing them every time. Would enlist you for help too because you're his favourite person to bother at work. Whether you humour him and play along or tell him to, light heartedly, leave you alone, Tobias will find his way to your desk for some quality catchup time. What do you mean it's Monday and you're busy? He needs to tell you about this movie he saw on Saturday that he thinks should be the theme of the next work event. He's also the type to bring food to your desk too. Will sometimes just buy lunch for you and pry your hands away from your keyboard so that he can slide a salad or pot of pasta into your grasp. Tobias takes lunch breaks very seriously. He'll also get treats for people in the office too! Buys little cakes or chocolates just because. This is part of the reason why everyone likes him so much; can't say no to a man who keeps you well fed.

Despite poking fun at Tobias being a bit more lax around the office, I think he genuinely would be full of solid ideas and he does feel pretty passionate about certain aspects of the job too. His work/life balance isn't perfect in that he tends to prioritise life a little more than he should sometimes but there's little harm in it. He's a very good person to be around if you're the type to get a bit too wrapped up in working. Tobias is NOT letting you overwork yourself. Not on his watch!! He's a surprisingly perceptive person and can very easily tell when you're stressed or not getting as much sleep as you should. Will take it upon himself to text you at the weekend to hang out and have a movie night with him. That way he can make sure you're relaxing and not spending your limited time off working your brain. Will steal your phone directly from your hands if you're staring too hard, eyebrows furrowed, and will replace it with a snack and gently remind you that it's the weekend time not work time. He has his uses sometimes.

[spoilmesweetieforficssake]

Between The Lines

Not exactly filling one of the asks some of you lovely people have left in my inbox - but it the idea was sparked from one! (The one via the link below if I've managed it correctly - and if I haven't I would dearly love if one of you kind folk could educate me!). The other asks in my inbox are currently all WIPs and will be on their way (please just be patient!)

Melissa put a gentle hand on Barbara’s arm, halting her mid-sentence.  “Hold that thought.”

Barb watches as her friend pushes herself out of her chair and crosses over to where you’re sat on the sofa, staring dumbly at your phone.

“What happened?” she asks, perching on the low table in front of you. 

Without saying anything, you turn your phone around, allowing her to see the screen.

“Oh sweetheart,” she gasps, pulling you into a hug. 

You hide your face against her shoulder, feeling tears start to fall.  You abruptly pull back on hearing some of your colleagues voices approaching the break room.  It’s an almost automatic habit now.

“Come on,” says Melissa, getting to her feet and tugging you up with her.  She slips an arm around your waist, pausing only to briefly place a hand on Barb’s shoulder, telling her she’ll catch up with her later.

She leads you in the direction of your classroom, closing the door behind the two of you and gathering you in her arms.  She doesn’t say anything, just holds you as you cry.  You’re not a pretty crier, and it’s hardly a delicate sniffle, but still, she doesn’t say anything.  She just offers you tissues and strokes your hair.

Once the initial shock of the news has washed over you, you find yourself calmer.  You rub your hands over your face, sure you look a mess, but manage a small smile as she presses a kiss to your forehead.

“You feel like you want to call your parents?” she asks.  “I could give you some space?  Go see Ava about us getting some time off?”

Out of all of her words, there’s one you latch on to.  “Us?”

Melissa opens her mouth to speak, only to snap it closed again, apparently debating her next words carefully.  “Well, I, Um, you…I mean…”  She sighs, frustrated at her inability to get her words out.  She gently rubs her hands up and down your arms.  “I don’t like the thought of you alone and hurting.  I just thought…I could come with you?  If you wanted me to?”

You feel tears gathering in your eyes once more, overwhelmed at the gesture.  “You’d really come with me?”

She replies with a soft smile. 

“A funeral isn’t exactly how I wanted you to meet my family but I’d really like it if you were there.”

*

Barb is on her way to get some craft supplies for her students when she sees Melissa coming out of your classroom.  “Is she okay?”

Melissa sighs.  “Not really.  Her Grandma died.  She’d been ill for a while, but she’d rallied so it’s a bit unexpected.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” offers Barb.  “I’ll add her into my prayers tonight.” 

“That’s good of you, Barb,” nods Melissa, casting an anxious glance back towards your classroom door.

“Can I ask something?” asks the kindergarten teacher.  She waits for the red head to meet her gaze and nod.  “How long?”

At this, Melissa frowns.

“You and her,” clarifies the older woman.  “She didn’t make a sound in the breakroom.  Had barely moved and yet you knew something had happened.”

The red head’s first instinct is to lie, but this is Barb.  She’s not even sure how she’s hidden it from her this long.  She’s hardly wanted to.  “A few months?” she offers sheepishly. 

“Months?” repeats Barbara, the shock evident in her voice. 

“I was gonna tell you.  I really was!  It’s just been…it’s all so new,” she lets out a huff of breath, dropping her head.  “Look I promise I’ll tell you the whole story but I need to go and see Ava about getting’ some time off.”  She looks up, that sheepish look back on her face.  “I’m going with her to the funeral.”

This time Barb’s shock is clear in the way her eyebrows shoot up her forehead.  

“I know, I know,” says Melissa, raising her hands in a placating gesture.  “And I promise, we can do brunch and I’ll tell you everything, But I need to go grab Ava.”

And with that, Barb is left watching Melissa’s retreating form, her gaze pivoting from your closed classroom door to her friend as she lets what she’s just learned sink in. 

*

Ava offers to find cover that day but you’re stubborn about it.  There’s nothing you can do at home today.  Nothing is going to undo what has happened and you moping around at home isn’t going to make it any better.  You stay till the end of the day, trying not to cry every time one of your students does something sweet, or Melissa pokes her head round the door or brings you a cup of tea. 

By the time the kids are gone there are four half finished cups littering your desk, but the sight of them makes you smile.  Each one of them an excuse for Melissa to spend a moment with you and check in with you.  Pushing them to one side, you take a deep breath, determined to try and get a start on some lesson plans to leave for the substitute who will be covering your classes the next week. 

“Hey.”

You look up to find a familiar sight; Melissa leaning against the doorframe to your classroom.   “Hey,” you offer back, though it’s more of a sigh than a greeting. 

“You ready to head or?”

“I want a get a start of a couple of things for next week,” you say.  “If that’s okay with you?”

She approaches your desk with a smile, moving to press a kiss to the top of your head.  “Course.  Whatever you need to do.  You want me to stay?”

You look up at her, finding that you’re able to offer a smile of your own.  “You know how much of a distraction you are, right?”

“I try my best,” she grins, leaning down to kiss you once more, this time pressing a sweet kiss to your lips.  “I’m gonna go see Barb, then.  Fill her in?”

“You okay with her knowing?”

Another kiss is pressed to your lips.  “You kidding?  You know I love a chance to show off.”  She gently cups your cheek, her face suddenly serious.  “Are you okay with her knowing?”

You nod.  You’ve only been waiting for Melissa’s go ahead to tell your colleagues.  It’s not the same for you as it is for her, here.  She has history here.  She’s had her life torn apart while still working here.  Had her personal life become the stuff of gossip.  You’ve always told her it’s her card to play when it comes to telling your colleagues.  “Means I can finally sit with you at lunch.”

*

Hovering in the doorway of Barbara’s classroom, Melissa feels distinctly like a naughty school kid.  “Hey.”

Barb looks up from the worksheets she’s been marking, trying to save herself from taking them home to do. 

“I just wanted to let you know I’m gonna be away for a few days next week.”

“So you’re really going?”

Melissa nods, moving to perch on the edge of one of the small student desks.  “I am.  Flights are booked.  Substitutes all arranged.”

Barb sits back in her chair.  “That’s big.”

“Yeah,” nods the red head.  “Kinda shitting myself if I’m honest.”

Smiling fondly, the kindergarten leans forward on her elbows.  “That means you care.”

“I know,” agrees Melissa shakily.  “I care too damn much here.  It terrifies me.”

You don’t want to interrupt, but you don’t want to hover and hear more than you’re meant to.  Knocking on the open door, you poke your head into Barbara’s classroom.

Melissa is immediately on her feet and moving towards you.  No longer having to hide what’s between you, she slips an arm around your waist, smiling as you lean into her. 

Barb approaches the pair of you with a gentle smile.  “I hear it’s not the easiest time for you just now.  If there’s anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you,” you say.  And you really mean it.  You know it can’t have been easy for the older woman to learn that her best friend has been keeping a secret from her for weeks, but it appears that she’s accepted it as graciously as she seems to accept many things.  “That’s really kind of you, Mrs Howard.  Melissa’s taking good care of me.”

“It’s Barbara, dear,” she replies, placing a hand on your arm.  “And you couldn’t find anyone better to take care of you.”

[kiyokothehuman]

Beautiful Stranger

pairing: alhaitham x reader

summary: alhaitham giving you life advice

a/n: this was inspired by laufeys song "beautiful stranger"!! ALSO to the anon that requested this i am so sorry for not writing this sooner, this been in my inbox for months but i never had the time to write 💀

you sat on the docks of port ormos as your feet swayed against the ocean. you slowly inhaled the smell of the sea as the soft texture of grass gently tickled your skin. it was moments like these you truly appreciated life. you heard footsteps behind your back as you looked over to see a handsome young man looking over at the seas.

no, wait it's rude to stare. you thought as you quickly turned your head back. he looked like he was enjoying the silence, but some part of you wanted to go up and talk to him. you hesitated as you fiddled with your fingers.he looked somewhat troubled or lonely, you could practically sense a touch of sadness in his presence.

so, you mustered up your courage and decided to speak with the grey haired man. putting your sandals on and getting up from your spot, you quietly approached him and tapped his shoulder.

"hello!" you greeted, cheerfully, a smile presented on your face. he turned to you, looking stern. "may i help you?" he answered, raising a brow at the situation.

"no, no. i just wanted to have some small talk, thats all." you replied, followed by a small chuckle. "do you come here often?" you asked, sitting back down at the wooden docks.

he looked down on you, his face showing a hint of amusement. "not really, i'm too caught up in work to spend my time here." he replied, his grey hair flowing against the wind. he looked angelic, almost.

"ah, i see. where do you work?" you questioned, looking at the ocean view in front of you. "i work in the academia. what about you?" he responded. your eyes were suddenly filled with sorrow, and he could feel your demeanor change.

"unemployed at the moment, heh. here take a seat first." you offered, patting the area beside you as he sat down next to you. it was as if you were relieving memories with a friend, except this 'friend' is a stranger you knew nothing about.

"ever since i got rejected from the academia, i kind of just lost motivation from doing anything." you answered. although your voice was cheerful, there was a hidden sadness laced in your tone.

"why?" he questioned.

"i didn't know my purpose in life anymore." you responded, your voice devoid of any emotion. "the academia was what I thought would give meaning to my life, when i got rejected, i felt as if a great depression reigned over me." you added, your voice growing quieter and quieter for each word you spoke.

for you, the academia was like a light in darkness. a light that quickly shut you down once you've gotten close. the light you thought would save yourself from the darkness you were trapped in, but was only an illusion from your unrealistic ideals.

"how so? your purpose isnt found in pathetic schools that do nothing more than pressure its students. you are the one that will discover the meaning of your life." he stated, his eyes immersed at the ocean blue waters.

"as a human, our life span is incredibly short. so live one thats worth dying for instead of mourning for your failures." he added to which you just stared at him in awe, the sun gently showered over his features, as if he was an angel sent by heaven. how you wish a view like this could be seen throughout the seas.

"has anyone told you how beautiful you are?" you muttered without knowing.

"huh?" he looked at you in amusement, before a blush crept up to your ears. "i mean- sorry, please ignore that." you apologized looking down at your lap, desperately trying to rid your embarrassment.

"oh wait, i havent even gotten your name yet!" you panicked looking at the man as he chuckled. "alhaitham. and you are?" he asked as you smiled. "y/n."

alhaitham suddenly stood up, before speaking once again. "i apologize, but something has come up and i must take my leave." he stated.

just as he was about to leave, he spoke once again. "you truly are an interesting individual, y/n." he whispered in a volume that only you could hear. "it was nice meeting you, i hope that one day our paths will cross once more." he added before walking away.

"alhaitham." you unconsciously muttered.

you liked how the syllables of his name simply rolled off from your tongue. this man was quite the character. you wonder what kind of person he really is under that mask. but, something tells you that you've seen a glimpse of the person he really is. all this led you yearning to learn for more.

[ravennaortiz]

I feel like I'm always in your inbox for requests. But we can't have the inbox get empty again right? This time I'm thinking we do Opie. The first time I watched the series my boyfriend said not to get attached and I got attached. I cried like a baby when he was killed. Okay so I'm thinking we go with the prompts 3, 12, 17, 20, and 30. They can go in whichever order makes the best storyline. This gives me an after Donna vibe.

You are welcome to pop in to the inbox with as many request as you wish!!!!!! Also, no we cannot let the inbox get empty again. I agree his death was devastating in the show.

I love the idea of Opie post Donna for these prompts. Lets se what magic we can cook up!

Prompts:

3. Why did you save me?

12. Do you wanna come in?

17. I love you

20. Why?

30. I need you

Hold Space

Opie stood in the feminine product aisle rubbing his face roughly. He found himself thinking once again today he should have asked Donna how this shit worked. It never occurred to him that one day he would be standing here on his own trying to figure out what his daughter needed. That he would be handing the birds and bees talk with both kids. He wasn't built to be a single parent to a teenage daughter he thought to himself. This so far had been one of the worst days of his adult life.

Opie was almost in tears from stress as he pulled his phone out hoping you would answer. Hearing your voice as you said hello on the other end had him sighing in relieve. "I'm sorry. I know its late but I need you" stated Opie as he scanned the shelves. "Why? Are the kids okay?" you replied. Opie smiled at your concern. "There fine. Well Ellie not as much. She umm has become a lady and made it very clear how inadequate I am as not only a mother but a father" replied Opie as he recalled the venom with which Ellie had yelled at him that she wished it had been him that died and not Donna. "You at the little corner store down the street?" you asked as you slipped your shoes and jacket on. "Yeah" replied Opie. "I'm on my way, hang tight" you stated before ending the call.

***

Opie watched as you talked and walked Ellie through all the items that the two of you had picked up. Your compassion and empathy for everyone never ceased to amaze him. He found himself wishing a lot lately that he had met you before Donna. That you had moved to town sooner then two months after she had died. He loved her of course but the way you had showed up not just for him and the kids but also the club when you didn't need to spoke volumes.

After tucking the kids in for the night Opie found you in the hall dusting off the photos of Donna he had hung. "She always was the better one about cleaning" joked Opie as he rubbed the back of his neck. You laughed quietly. "You know your a good father right? Teen girls are ruthless. We say shit we don't mean to.... Well at least not aloud" you offered as you turned to him. Opie nodded as he looked down at the floor.

***

You had just finished making coffee when you heard a knock at the door. Looking through the peep hole you saw Opie. "Hey Opie" you greeted as he stared down at the floor. "Do you wanna come in? I just made coffee." you asked as you opened your door for him to pass through. "Coffee would be great." replied Opie with a smile as he walked in.

The two of you sat on your couch in silence for a moment before Opie set his cup down and turned to you. "Why did you save me? Not just at the store but in general." he inquired. "You deserved to be" you replied after a moment of thought as you sipped your coffee. "I love you. That scares me to say. Like its erasing her ya know?" confessed Opie as he looked down at the couch. Setting your coffee down you moved over and took his hands in yours making him look up at you. "I will always hold space for Donna. I never want to erase her from your life or the kids. She earned that space and I will always fight for her to have it because I love you too Opie." you replied.

Want more Opie? Click here

Want to see how to make your own request? Click here

[lunalucykat]

what's your favorite thing about your favorite character?

Crazy ask tbh!! Cause this gives me free rein to talk about any favorite character in anything and that's so many options!!!

(Also I've been sat here staring at this question in my inbox for a week cause I was like, who do I even choose??? lol)

After a long and hard deliberation I said, Fuck it! Might as well pick the characters that I have been rotating in my head for the past few months. Sorry I'm gonna be a little One Piece lover for a minute because legit the storylines are SO good and I love SO many of the characters!

I'm gonna give love to the ASL brothers because I love each and every one of them so much (even though I haven't even met Sabo, but I know about him, so it's chill lol)

One Piece spoilers below if you care, also I anticipate this getting absurdly long lmao

Like, I am actually sorry how long this got, cause I went off on some tangents. But if you give me a platform to talk about One Piece I am Going to TALK about One Piece (and, I think, get off prompt way too often.) That being said, I am still REALLY sorry about the WALL of text. You don't have to - nor should you - read this whole thing. orz

Ah, yes. The Age, Sex, Location brothers (lmao I feel like this joke shows my age cause I would make this joke, but TJ would make the joke as: the Am.erican Sign Language Brothers.)

This is definitely more than you asked for because you asked what is your favorite thing about your favorite character, but I'm doing things about characters, so... sorry lol!

Sibling characters are so important to me in general, and any group of siblings are usually gonna be some of my favorites (e.g. Sand Siblings from Naruto.) I have two older siblings and one younger so that might contribute to why, but I usually love the dynamics. And I love these guys all separately and as a package deal.

Ace- TBH what's not to love about Ace? He is the epitome of cool! Everybody wants to be him (or maybe I'm just projecting, but GOD he's so cool!) He is Literally The Cool Older Brother, and I love that for him. He also sort of has the cowboy look too, so that gives him bonus points lol!

Something I really love about Ace is that he loves so fiercely and it's obvious in everything he does. It's the way he's protective over Luffy and makes sure he gives his baby brother some way to find him again if he ever needs. But it's also the way he freaks out when he realizes said baby brother comes to rescue him when he's in a dire situation. He definitely has eldest child vibes in that regard; giving help but not accepting help. It feels like a very eldest sibling thing to do. It's also the way he adamantly refuses to call his biological father his dad, and insists that his father is Whitebeard because he was the man who took him in and cared for him as his son. He literally states it to the world. He loves Whitebeard and won't let anybody tell him that he's not his father.

He is literally all about his family. And that feels stupid to say cause this whole show is about found/ forged families, but Ace wears his heart on his sleeve and isn't afraid to show just how much he loves his family, not only in his actions and words, but also in the things he wears. He's so sentimental that he keeps all of his most precious people with him in some sort of memento. (Some of these are more canonical than others, but most of them you can read a certain way and it makes sense, so bear with me).

The most obvious (and canon) is his back tattoo which is Whitebeard's symbol. He literally calls it his pride and displays it as such. That's his father, and he is happy to show it off. (I don't know if these next few are canonically correct, but the vast majority of fans agree on their symbolism connecting to his other family members.) The red beads around his hat and necklace are the same as the ones his foster mom, Dadan, wears, so they're likely a memento to remember her by. The next one I think has a lot of legitimacy to it, because for some reason I think some people still don't believe it, but the X'd out S in his arm tattoo ASCE is to remember Sabo by. (Textual evidence for this is the "what if" cover story Oda drew where the brothers were never separated and in that scenario Ace's arm tattoo it literally just written as ACE.) The X through the S I think has a double meaning because when he got it Sabo was presumed dead so it could be crossed out because his younger brother was gone, but also the X through the S could be because that was Sabo's mark. Like, it was his jolly roger when he set out to sea. Some people also like to say the little buttons on Ace's hat resemble a goggle-like appearance to mimic Sabo's goggles on his top hat, which I think is cute, but maybe not as legitimate lol. That just leaves Luffy. I'm not gonna lie, there's not a lot on his design that points specifically to Luffy, probably because he was confident he'd see him around. But if we wanna stretch we could say maybe his hat symbolizes Luffy (and probably Sabo too). He got a hat so he could join his little brothers' cool hat club lmao!!

The Symbolism on this boy goes WILD!!! He LITERALLY wears his heart on his sleeve, or back, or around his neck, or his arm, or his head lol!

I also love that he's also susceptible to sibling dumbassery. I'm talking about that shit where you're polite and respectable towards peers and shit, but the moment you're around your siblings you revert to little gremlin mode. Cause Ace met all the Strawhats and was like "Hello, yes, nice to meet you. I am Luffy's respectable older brother, thank you so much for taking care of him all this time, I know he's a lot to handle :)" But when he was alone with Luffy literally 5 minutes ago he was like "What's up fucker? Wanna arm wrestle you little bitch baby?" It's hilarious. I love it.

Also his character design is hot! What can I say? lol! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sabo- I am actually insane about Sabo and it makes no sense cause I haven't even met the dude yet! Like, I'm looking for some excuse to change my icon to him but it's going to be like at least 3 whole arcs until I meet him so idk lol (that probably won't stop me lmao! Sanji's days are numbered lol)

So I haven't technically met Sabo yet, but I do know a bit about him (because my brain decided to snatch him up into my "3 more of these little blonde bitches club [consists of Sanji, Sabo, and Rosinante/Corazon (WHOM I ALSO HAVEN'T MET BUT I LOVE HIM)]" and now I know more about him than I did like 4 months ago) so I'll talk about what I do know.

Erm, it's him being the middle child (as a middle child myself I heavily fuck with middle children characters.) As a kid he looks mostly well-adjusted and like, the peacekeeper of the three, but as a young adult he looks literally so unhinged, and that's the middle child experience babeeeyyyyyyyyy!!! (I'm only half kidding lol)

I also headcannon him as aroace. It's so easy to do that with any of Oda's characters tbh because he doesn't really focus on romance (which I'm thrilled about, because it means he's most likely not gonna do that thing that every mangaka does that everyone fucking hates which is to pair off characters who have no chemistry together or never interacted in canon, but they get married in the end just because he needs everyone to end up with someone and have a family in order to continue the story, but with the kids this time! I am literally looking at Naruto. Cause when the fuck did Choji and Karui ever interact? Literally never. Also, God. Don't EVEN get me started with Sasuke and Sakura.) ANYWAY!!!!! The way Oda writes his story makes it easy to headcannon characters as aroace, and I do with Sabo at least cause I'm also aroace and he's one of my favies, so.... rejoice! Aroace be upon ye! :) Idk, he just gives the vibe :) Also it's funny to make the joke that they're all "Ace."

He's also got that steampunk drip. Love that for him. Go whiteboy, go! Not only does he dress like he's smart, but I'm almost CERTAIN he IS the smartest of the three brothers. I mean like, he probably has similar qualities about him that he shares with Ace and Luffy in terms of general dumbassery, but he definitely gives the vibe that he Knows what the fuck he's doing. Probably helps that I'm pretty sure he was the only one of the three that received a proper education lol. But I love the potential for the duality of him ping-ponging between being really smart and doing something really dumb and reckless.

I think Sabo was the softer of the older brothers. Like, Ace wanted to check in on Luffy and make sure he was okay and everything, but also he and Luffy seemed rougher towards each other (literally arm wrestling upon first meeting again after 3 years of not seeing each other.) Sabo gives the vibe that instead of armwrestling upon seeing each other, he would instead give hugs. I LOVE soft interactions with siblings just as much as I love interactions with them roasting the shit out of each other, and I think Sabo brings the softness needed. I mean, had he and Ace interacted in their early 20s I think there would definitely be sibling ribbing, but I guess I'll never know that for sure :) :) :) I'd've loved to see it though! :) :) :)

But at least Sabo can be soft and baby the baby brother. And you know what? Luffy deserves hugs! And I'm sure Sabo does too! And hell! Throw Ace in there too! He also deserves hugs!

He's also part of the Revolutionary Army, that much I know for sure, so he is absolutely out there doing some much needed shit (Luffy also does liberation every now and then, but he doesn't exactly go out of his way to do it like the R.A. does, he more happens upon it as he goes lol) And we've already met some cool-ass R.A. members (IVA!!!), so he's in good company. Also - side tangent - but Luffy adopted him as his brother, Garp adopted him as his grandson, and Dragon essentially adopted him as a son, so all I'm sayin' is..... Monkey D. Sabo?????? (eyes emoji) [I'm on desktop so I can't do emojis]

Anyway! Can't wait to meet Sabo! Can't wait to see him be absolutely baller!! Can't wait for him to see Luffy again!!! Can't wait to find more reasons to love him than the bare minimum I know about him!!!!

Luffy- Luffy is literally The best MC of any shōnen anime ever and nothing can change my mind about that. I have watched nearly 500 episodes of One Piece and Luffy is one of my top favorite characters, and that says something cause the MC's are usually never even close to my top favorites. Ever.

Like, I watched all 720 episodes of Naruto, and Team 7 (Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura) are some of my least favorite guys in the show, I'm not gonna lie!! Like, I don't hate Naruto or Sakura, but because of their obsession with Sasuke (worst character, sorry Sasuke stans) it makes them SO boring to me. (I could so easily rant about Naruto, but this isn't about him lol, but I'm just sayin' you hit Shippuden and he gets real dull. And just to compare- 500 episodes of Naruto counts the first 220 from the original and then 280 of Shippuden so 500 in is a little over halfway through Shippuden, so I was basically over Naruto as an MC by then. ANYWAY! Enough about him!)

There's so much to love about Luffy. He comes out of the gate being Iconic as fuck in episode 1 and he STAYS that way! He stays that way but he also grows, but even after character growth moments he stays the same goofy guy in the end and I love that! He has a death grip around embodying joyous whimsy. It probably helps that he starts his journey already knowing who he is and what he wants. There is little in the way of self-doubt, and I love the confidence he has in himself and his dream and in others.

I also love that sometimes he's a little rude-ass! Okay, well he's blunt, so sometimes he comes off as rude, but it's funny as fuck. I also love that he displays many AuDHD symptoms, it makes him feel more relatable in some ways.

He's also just so emotionally intelligent. I mean, can he read the room most of the time? Not to save his goddamn life! But is he a great judge of character? Always. He is a ride or die homie! He often feels overly optimistic, but he's also so realistic in those tougher situations or decisions he has to make and I appreciate that kind of depth in a character, and it's SO important for an MC to have those traits! He knows when it's okay to be silly and when he HAS to be serious. And he doesn't mind relying on his friends!!! I see so many main characters insisting they can do something on their own, but Luffy admits time and time again that he DOES need to rely on his friends because they have skills he doesn't! He lifts others up and values them for the qualities they don't always see in themselves! I love him so much.

HE IS ASEXUAL!!! Like it's actually been very heavily implied and there is contextual evidence for it in canon. For example: he has these interactions with Boa Hancock whose Devil Fruit power turns horny people to stone (yeah), and when she tried using it on Luffy LITERALLY nothing happens to him. Aro/Ace King!!! (Again, I'm also aroace so that's why this scores big points with me!) Luffy will never go to horny jail, and good for him!

I also think there is a subtle but noticeable shift in his behavior when his brothers are around (well I can only really use Ace as an example here). But in a different way than Ace, because Luffy is the baby. Like Ace goes gremlin mode, and I think Luffy slips a bit into baby mode. It's harder to see the difference because Luffy is always kind of silly, but when Ace was around he feels a little more like he's clinging to his brother in a way. And to be fair Ace sort of lets him. Like in Alabasta before Luffy realized Ace was there, he was doing his damndest to use the one braincell he has to think through his predicament when encountering Smoker, even if it meant just running away from a fight he probably wanted to have but knew he couldn't win so he didn't engage. But the moment Ace stepped in and told Luffy not to worry about Smoker he was kind of like "oh yippie! :) Okay! Yayyy! <3" and just did what big bro said.

Idk how he'd be with Sabo, but I think he'd be even MORE of a baby around him because I feel like Sabo would let him get away with it more than Ace would.

Anyway!

I just like imagining the siblings having fun and doing sibling things together and everyone is happy and alive :) I love them! I I love the potential! I love what we could have haaaaaaaaaaad!!!!

Sorry this is so long. I love One Piece if you couldn't tell. And this could've been WAY longer. I really, really tried to hold back. But, erm, Your Honor, I love One Piece... I know some crimes can never be forgiven -_-'

[whiskey-tango-matcha]

Downfall (pt 1/2)

Hi guys, I’m back after a month hiatus. I meant to make this one part, but tbh I need to break this thing up a little - it’s going to be like 2 very distinct parts, if that makes sense. 

Anyway! This is per the usual a male-centric sickfic that features Elijah and Greyson, and it’s a big ol’ contagion dumpster fire. Seriously, if you’re not into contagion this won’t be your thing lol. Elijah is real bad at keeping his germs to himself. It’s based loosely on one of the prompts in my inbox, but nothing from the prompt features in this part (lol, sorry) so I’ll post the prompt at the end of the next part. Thank you to whoever is sending prompts!! I love and am inspired by all of them. 

Next part will hopefully be up tomorrow or Sunday! 

Onward :)

cw: male, colds, fevers, coughing, contagion, some mess

Downfall

“No fuckin’ way you’re sick again.”

Elijah rolled his eyes from behind a tissue and flipped Greyson off. “I don’t wandt to talk about it,” he said, collapsing into his rolling chair next to the chef and blowing his nose. “hhGTSHH-uhh! Snfr. And also,” Elijah tossed the tissue in the trashcan and looked pointedly at Greyson. “You stay the fugck away from mbe.”

Greyson recoiled and barked out a shocked chuckle. “Stay the fuck away from you? What, did you have a dream I tried to stab you or something?” He shuffled through their shared cabinet of medicines and plopped the dayquil and ibuprofen in front of his boss. “Or do you think I gave you this, your fourth cold in less than three months? Because I,” Greyson placed a hand on his own chest languidly, “have an amazing immune system.”

“Oh Jesus fuckigg Christ,” Elijah groaned, snapping open the bottle of dayquil and chugging.

“Well, congrats, Grey. You just fucked yourse – hhINGSTZUE! Snf. Yourself.” Elijah pulled more tissues from the box on their shared desk and blew his nose again while Greyson laughed.

“You’re so goddamn dramatic,” Greyson said, sitting back in his chair and watching his boss try to collect himself. “I would’ve loved to have met you in middle school.”

“Fuck off,” Elijah said, pressing his fingers deep into his aching eye sockets. Greyson, taking pity on him, pushed the ibuprofen towards the GM. “Thangks,” Elijah said, taking a few with a sip of an old water cup sitting next to the computer. He turned back to Greyson, his look no longer one of bemusement. “I’mb serious, though. Dond’t combe any closer than where you’re at right now.”

“I wish you were less cryptic sometimes. It’s like working with a troll that guards a bridge and won’t speak to you clearly unless you solve his riddles three.”

Elijah sighed and unzipped his jacket. “Grey, we have that wedding this weekend.”

“And?” Greyson asked holding his hands palms-up, expectant.

“And,” Elijah said, turning to cough into his sleeve, away from Greyson. “Mbatt cannot handle a fifty-persond, special mendu wedding on his own, Grey. He’s great, but he isn’t ready for that.” Elijah gave Greyson a look as if to say ‘are you getting it now?’, but Greyson was still bald-faced. Elijah sighed again.

“If you get sigck, we’re fucked,” he stated simply. “So you have to stay away fromb – hhNGSTH-ue! GTSH! Hhuuh...huhIGSTZHUE!” Elijah crumpled towards the wall to sneeze into his sleeve. He felt Greyson push the tissue box over to his side of the desk, and held out the hand not currently tending to his nose to stop the chef.

“Alright, alright, relax,” Greyson said, sitting back in his chair while Elijah pulled some tissues out and cleaned himself up. When he sat back up, he gave Greyson a watery glare.

“I’ll relax whend this week is over,” Elijah growled. “For ndow, just stay away. Okay? You cand help mbe out by leaving mbe alone and ndot getting sick. It’s our first wedding ever, Greyson, and I really wandt us to be able to do mbore. So it has to be perfect.”

“I’m sure the people getting married would describe ‘perfect wedding’ as ‘general manager of restaurant we’re getting married at sneezes through the ceremony’,” Greyson teased, standing and putting on his chef’s coat over his t-shirt. Elijah flipped the chef off, noncommittal.

“It’s only Mbonday,” Elijah said. “I’ll be good by Saturday.” He gave Greyson another very pointed look before the chef walked into the kitchen to begin the day’s prep. “You better be, too.”

“Oh, please, boss,” Greyson said, strolling out of the office and towards the prep table. “Like I said; my immune system is incredible.”

***

9:13AM

mornin, boss. just checking to make sure ur among the living.

10:42AM

hellooooo, lij, u good?

11:24AM

where r u??????

Greyson looked down at his phone for the tenth time in as many minutes; Elijah had read his texts, but hadn’t answered any of them. He tapped his foot impatiently and stared at the computer screen until he heard the ding of a new text.

11:36AM

Not coming in today. Sleeping off this plague so I’m 100% for the weekend. Did you need something from me?

The chef raised an eyebrow at his phone before typing out a response.

11:37AM

oh! k, nope im all good. feel better, if u need i can drop some soup or smthn off to u??

11:38AM

I’m alright. Thx. Text me if the numbers jump up, I’ll come in for service for anything over 100 covers.

Greyson clicked his phone off without responding; he wouldn’t text Elijah even if the covers jumped to eight million. If that man was taking a sick day, he obviously needed it.

Although he was surprised, Greyson couldn’t say he didn’t think his boss needed this sick day; Elijah had basically huddled in the office all day yesterday, only to be roused for the rush around 7PM. After an hour or so of table touching, he’d retreated back to his chair to cough and sneeze in peace.

“Christ, boss, where the hell did you pick this shit up?” Greyson had asked around 8 when he’d come into the office to do some paperwork post-rush. He’d leaned towards the GM to place a hand on his pale face, only to be rudely waved off.

“Dond’t touch mbe,” Elijah had croaked. “I’mb ndot risking you getting sick.”

Greyson had rolled his eyes. “Lij, please,” he said, “I haven’t caught any of your other thirty colds you’ve had this year, why would this be THE ONE?”

Elijah just shook his head, clearly too exhausted to answer. “Just trust mbe,” he said. “We ndeed you to be here for this wedding. I cand barely stand, Grey,” Elijah said; a rare moment of vulnerability. “Just give mbe the peace of mbind of you staying healthy.”

The chef sighed through his nose and took a step back. “Alright, boss,” he said, putting his hands up in defeat. “I won’t touch you. Just…I mean, just like, stay there. I’ll drive you home as soon as the guys are done cleaning.”

And that was exactly what he did. At ten, Greyson was waving to Elijah as the ill man trudged up the steps to his building, wondering how the hell he was going to make it all the way to the twentieth floor. By midnight, Elijah had stopped responding to his texts making sure he was alive, and now here he was, wondering who the hell this creature that slept in and took sick days was, and what it had done with his boss.

Greyson shoved his phone into his pocket and headed back into the kitchen. To his shock, Mark was standing at the prep table, obviously looking for him.

“The hell are you doing in my kitchen?” Greyson joked, clapping a hand on Mark’s back. The other man didn’t move, so Greyson walked around to face him. “Helloooo, earth to Mar -”

“HNGSTZHUE!” Mark, obviously unprepared for Greyson’s appearance, didn’t have time to raise his elbow all the way to his face. Greyson winced and attempted to step back, but the deed was done; he lifted a hand to his face and wiped the floor manager’s sneeze from his eyebrow.

“Oh shidt, Greysond, Chef, I’mb so sor – hh’TSHHzue! HhNGSTTZUE!” Mark managed to cover those with his sleeve, along with a crackling cough that went on entirely too long for anyone’s comfort.

“Yikes,” Greyson said, leading the floor manager into his office and easing him into Elijah’s chair. “Elijah got you good, man,” he joked, handing Mark the nearly-depleted box of tissues Elijah had left on the desk yesterday. Mark took one and held it in his hand, looking at Greyson miserably.

“I’mb so sorry Greyson, I didn’t mbean to sndeeze on you, Christ Elijah’s going to kill mbe,” Mark said, swiping the tissue under his nose and sniffling. Greyson chuckled at the younger man.

“I hope you mean you’re going to kill him for getting you sick,” he said, opening the medicine drawer for Mark’s perusal. Mark shook his head, not even bothering to look at the medicine.

“Ndo,” he said. “He’s beend like completely nuts about you ndot getting this… whatever, before the wedding. That’s why he isn’t here, he texted mbe this morning and asked if I could handle the floor on my own. He said he’s afraid he’s going to cough on you or something and the whole wedding will be ruined.” Mark looked up then, devastated. “But ndow it’s for ndothing, because I’m the one who’s going to get you sick.”  

Greyson slowly raised an eyebrow at Mark, then placed a kind hand on his knee. “Mark,” he said, “I say this with all the love in my heart: Elijah is a weirdo. He gets an idea in his head that something bad is going to happen and then it becomes inevitable in his mind. Trust me when I say that I have a great immune system, and I’m going to be fine. Okay?”

Mark nodded miserably and Greyson patted his knee again. “Good man,” he said. “Now, the real question is did you tell Elijah that you’re also sick as a dog?” Mark gave the chef an apologetic look, which Greyson knew meant no. Greyson pulled a hand down his face and sighed.

“Okay,” he said, digging through the medicine drawer. “Well. Take some of whatever strikes your fancy in here. I’m going to go have the hostess close the books for the night.”

Mark nodded, obviously exhausted. Greyson stopped himself halfway out the door to turn to the floor manager again. “And, uh...let’s not mention this to Elijah.”

Mark attempted a laugh. “Sure thing, Chef,” he said, swigging some dayquil. “We’re definitely ond the sambe page there.”

***

By ten PM, Greyson was more ready for a drink than anyone in the history of the world.

“Mark, go home!” he yelled through the kitchen doors when he heard the manager succumb to yet another coughing fit. “I’ll finish the damn paperwork, just gooooo.”

Mark slunk through the kitchen doors, shivering and sniffling, and barely acknowledged Greyson when he grabbed his coat and headed for the back doors.

“And don’t you fuckin’ dare come in tomorrow!” Greyson called as Mark gave a weak little wave goodbye behind his head. “I’ll tell Elijah you’re one foot in the grave.” Mark gave a thumbs up without looking back and pushed through the back doors, so only Greyson and his sous chef remained.

“Christ, he sounds like shit,” Greyson murmured, pulling a hand down his face. He turned to Matt, who was seated in Elijah’s chair looking through the schedule on the computer. “How’re you holding up?”

“Mmm, fine, Chef,” Matt said, scrolling through the document. Greyson could’ve been hearing things, but he swore Matt gave a liquid little sniffle afterward. He whipped his head towards his sous, eyes crazed.

“No,” he said, vehement. “Absolutely the fuck not.”

“It’s ndothing, Chef,” Matt said, still not looking away from the computer. Greyson audibly groaned and put both hands over his eyes, a weak attempt to escape the hell that was the pestilence Elijah had bestowed upon them all.

“Fuck, Matt,” Greyson muttered, sitting back up. “Okay, you go home. Now. I’ll finish your shit, too.”

“I’mb okay, Chef, really,” Matt said, pawing at his nose in an attempt to clear it. “I promi – ITSZH-ue!”

“Matt, oh my God, go,” Greyson said, exasperated. Matt flinched and nodded, logging off the computer and grabbing his jacket.

“I’ll be good by tomorrow, boss, I prombise,” Matt said, stifling a painful-sounding cough into his fist. Greyson gave him a look with eyes so wide that one started to twitch. Matt held up his hands and backed off. “Sorry,” he said.

“Matt, full offense, if you don’t get the hell out of this restaurant in the next three seconds, I’m going to drop kick you,” Greyson said, pointing towards the back door. “Go.”

Finally, Matt did as he was told and slipped out the back door, leaving Greyson to put his heavy head in his hands. Only one thing left to do.

Greyson picked up his cell phone from the desk and dialed his most-dialed contact.

“Hey, boss,” he said when Elijah picked up. “We, uh… we have a bit of an issue.”

[angelst4re]

hi my lovely!! you're my favourite jamie writer, if you don't want to, you don't have to, but would you be okay writing something with jamie x y/n with vaginismus!

it's basically a form of sexual dysfunction where the vaginal muscles don't relax, regardless of how turned on you are, when penetration is attempted, so penetrative sex can be very painful or actually impossible as the muscles tighten and stop it altogether (like it is for me)

and so many fics just write y/n automatically able to have penetrative sex without much foreplay or prep beforehand, and i almost get jealous ig 😭. i would love to read smth where jamie is comforting about it (and maybe some smut with him giving you pleasure without having to have p in v sex)

thank u sm <3333

as soon as i saw this in my inbox i KNEW i had to write this!! i suffer from endometriosis and it often links with vaginismus, which i also have!! so this fic is very important to me :) and i completely agree with you and even i get almost jealous too when i read those fics haha! anyways... thank you so much!! and i hope you like the fic <33

Do You Trust Me? - Jamie Campbell Bower x Fem!Reader (with vaginismus!)

summary: it's your first time having sex with your new boyfriend...

warnings: NSFW!! contains smut! if this makes you uncomfortable then please don't read it my love <3

notes: as you may have seen at the top, i suffer from endometriosis, and it also happens to be endo awareness month right now! however, that's not what this fic is about... vaginismus is a very common condition and i don't feel like it's talked about enough, in fact i rarely ever see anyone talking about it, and it is almost never mentioned in fics :( so i hope to change this!! <3

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅��� ─────

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Jamie asks, his chest heaving as he caught his breath, his messy blonde hair hanging over his eyes, damp with sweat, sticking to his forehead as his body leaned over yours, caging you between his arms on the mattress.

“Yes,” you told him, hoping that this time it might feel a little less painful, especially after all the foreplay, “please.”

Jamie nodded his head, his lips slightly parted as he reached down between your bodies to line himself up with you. You felt your heart begin to beat faster and faster in your chest, you felt the anxiety building in your stomach as he began to push into you.

“Fuck-” He groaned, “you’re so- is this-”

“No, it’s okay. Keep going.” You told him, screwing your eyes shut and turning your face away from him.

It burnt, it stung, the pain was unbearable, but this was your first time with Jamie. You worried that you would disappoint him if you were to tell him to stop.

But then, suddenly, he stopped.

“Hey,” he took your chin and turned your face so you were looking at him, “this is hurting you, isn’t it?” He observed, quick to slip his cock out of you.

“No, no, it’s fine,” you told him, but the tears staining your cheeks told him otherwise, “you can keep going.”

Jamie shook his head, and moved to sit down beside you on the bed. You sat up too, and you felt an arm snake around your back and pulled you closer to him.

You couldn’t help but burst into tears.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” he ran his hand up and down your arm comfortingly, placing a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“It isn’t okay.” You declared, crying into his bare chest.

“Is it your first time?” He asked gently, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

“No.” You told him, “I’ve tried to do it before, but it hurts. It’s unbearable, Jamie.”

“What if I-”

“There’s nothing you can do to make it easier, not right now. It’s a condition, I’ve tried so many different things to ease the pain but it’s never worked. I’m sorry.”

“Darling, why are you apologising?” He asked, “if you think this changes my mind about you- about us- then that’s just silly!” He reassured you, and you turned your face to look up at him, a soft smile on his lips.

In every relationship you have been in, the sex is what has ruined it. It was clear to you that in the past these people had only wanted you for your body. They couldn’t deal with the fact that you didn’t want penetrative sex, and so they had left- or you had put up with the pain, but once it had gotten so bad you thought you would black out.

“Y’know,” Jamie began, and you could feel his hand creeping down your thigh, “there are plenty of other ways I can make you feel good- ways we can make eachother feel good. Do you trust me, sweetheart?”

“Of course.” You whispered, nodding your head, and you felt him smirk against your shoulder.

“Good girl.”

His hand moved closer to your inner thighs, and you gasped when you felt his fingers on your clit, rubbing teasing circles with his fingertips.

“Promise me you’ll tell me if anything hurts, if you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.”

“I promise.” You said, growing when his fingers left your clit.

He moved again, and he was in the same position as he was before, kneeling between your thighs.

You furrowed your eyebrows, wondering what on earth he was going to do.

He stroked his cock with one hand, he brought the other one up to your mouth. You let him dip his fingers into your mouth, and you danced your tongue around the digits before he pulled them back out, he then switched his hands over, but instead of slipping his fingers into your mouth again, he used his thumb to tease your clit.

He pressed the tip of his cock to your clit, and you let out a small whimper. Your slick was coating him already, and he couldn’t help but curse at the sight.

He rocked his hips, and you suddenly realised what he was doing. The length of his cock rubbed against your centre, as his soft, velvety head nudged your clit again and again, and it felt heavenly.

You threw your head back, but Jamie stopped you, telling you he wanted your eyes on him whilst he ‘fucked’ you. He then leaned down and captured your lips with his, in a hot, passionate kiss. You truly don’t think you’ve ever felt so turned on.

“Does this feel good?” He asked against your lips, teasingly. He could tell by the way your hips rutted against him, wanting more.

He applied more pressure, rubbing harder against you and your mouth fell open, a string of moans, followed by Jamie’s name, falling from your lips.

It felt like your nerve ends were on fire, you bit down on your lip as his met your neck, giving the skin sloppy kisses and gentle nibbles. You could feel the knot in your belly tightening, ready to snap and send you over the edge at any second, and you could feel his cock twitch against your centre.

“Are you close?” He asked, breathlessly.

You couldn’t answer verbally, instead you settled on nodding your head, and digging your nails into his shoulder in an attempt to ground yourself. You could feel the pleasure building and building, eventually leading to one of the most intense orgasms you had ever been given.

“Oh my g- Jamie!” You whined, throwing your head back as you came. You felt Jamie’s hips stutter and you knew he was getting close, and the feeling of your cunt pulsing without him even being inside of you sent him over the edge, and he let out an almost animalistic growl as he came, coating from your lower belly to your clit in spurts of his hot cum.

You didn’t even give him time to come down from his high before cupping his face in your hands and pulling him down so your face was inches away from his, before crashing your lips into his. You couldn’t tell if it was an act of love, arousal or gratefulness, but he was quick to return the kiss, collapsing beside you on the bed and pulling you onto his lap, not caring about the mess he had made on you spreading on to him as he held you close.

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

[callsign-rogueone]

Hi beautiful! How are you feeling??

Have to admit I didn't know what fibromyalgia meant, so I searched it up and honestly? I'm so sorry you had to go through that even though it's not confirmed yet, but I wish I could help you somehow. Is there anything I can do??

I also wanted to tell you that I think you are very strong inside and out, I admire you and appreciate you so much. I'm rooting for you to overcome this, and I am here if you need anything. 💕✨️

Send you all the love, always yours

-🦊🩵🌧

I’m hanging in there, thank you 💗

I didn’t know what it was either until now honestly. you guys are the sweetest. unfortunately all of my problems right now are physical so there’s not much y’all can do from across the world, but you can just try to be patient with me, that would help a lot 🥺

I really do want to write, but it’s hard right now. a lot of the time it hurts to type with my hand weakness, and it’s hard to hold my phone or to sit up to use my laptop. half the time I’m too tired to think, either.

I feel guilty that I have so many asks and requests that have sat in my inbox for months, and that I’ve been neglecting some of the girlfriends. I promise it’ll all get done as soon as possible (but that’s likely not very soon at all). I’m taking everything in life very slowly, and I hope to find a better solution for all of this (and a medicine that won’t make me sick) soon, so I can get back to my old life.

and thank you for your kindness — you and everyone who has sent messages or comments about this. it’s helped a lot having people to talk to and seeing that people care 🥺💗 my family is kinda done with this whole thing by now (understandable) but they don’t really understand that I’m even more done with it than they are. I’m the one living in this body, not them. it’s not like I wanted this to happen. I’m not being “lazy”. I’m sick. I’m sorry that’s an inconvenience to you.

anyway. hope you’re doing well lovie 💗

[doomhands-jr]

The Choreographer -- Pt 16.

The Final Chapter.

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, Yoongi x Reader

Summary:

You were the assistant choreographer for BTS tasked with taking over for the lead while on tour. You'd sacrificed everything for this job, and you didn't want to risk it, but the temptation has proved to be too sweet. 

Now you have to juggle the social, physical, and emotional consequences of your affairs. Jealousy between the members, social isolation, and potential feelings? No, that last one was not something you'd allow. You already had enough on your plate. You had to squash that down. But feelings demand to be felt. And you cannot run away forever.

________

OR

________

How I dumped all my trauma into a single fanfic

Masterlist A/N: It's here! The final chapter! I can't believe it's taken so long, but honestly it was a journey for me too. Please let me know your thoughts at the end. Did you like how it ended, or would you have preferred something else? As always, thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story, even when they had to wait months between chapters. I appreciate each and every single one of you and I hope I did this story justice. Without further ado, _____

Jungkook kept his distance. 

It had been a month since you’d left. You couldn’t remember a more difficult month. During the first few days, several people had tried to contact you. Hoseok tried first, then Namjoon and Jin. All to ask if you were okay. It was kind of them, but the messages sat in your inbox for weeks, unanswered. You’d asked Yoongi to pass on the message that you were fine, but you needed to take some time to yourself, which he did, dutifully. 

Jimin reached out last week to tell you that he was sorry for anything he did that may have contributed. To him, you said honestly that you appreciated him reaching out, but you had no hard feelings towards him. He tried to ask you how you were, but you stopped responding. 

How were you? 

You supposed you were okay, in that you knew you were coping with everything the best you could and you were being as kind to yourself as possible, but at the same time, were you okay? What did okay mean? 

You were surviving. And there was something to be said for that, but holy hell, were you in a lot of pain. Everything hurt, both physically and metaphorically. Your muscles were starting to atrophy. Your body was stiff from having spent the last month on the couch, and you didn’t have any plans in the near future to get off it. Your energy was at zero. You could do nothing. Accomplish nothing. Some days, even feeding yourself seemed almost impossible. Ramen and spoons of peanut butter were just about all you could make for yourself. 

Most of the time, you’d order out. The containers piled up and you had no energy to clean them. No energy to wash yourself or your clothes. You felt horrible every time you had to leave the house because you knew how you must have smelled. 

Worst of all, this was literally the best you could do. When you cried, you couldn’t tell if it was because you were processing what had happened, or because you felt completely incapable of pulling yourself together. 

You remembered all the times you’d judged others for walking around looking unkempt, or for not getting up and working out, or for eating too much junk food, and here you were, doing all those things. 

You wish you’d been a kinder person. Your whole life, you thought you’d been so nice. So holier-than-thou, but you’d actually just been an asshole. 

No. You weren’t entirely an asshole. Yes, you had your struggles, but you’ve also achieved a lot, especially considering where you’d come from. Neither of your parents had shown up for you the way they should have, and you’ve had to pull yourself up by your bootstraps your entire life. 

That had to count for something. 

Yes, you’ve made your mistakes. Your moral compass hasn’t always pointed North, but god damn it, you were trying, and you had to give yourself credit for that. 

And even though you weren’t capable of fixing everything right away, you knew you were going to try. 

“Slow, measurable steps,” you told yourself. And you got up off the couch to fetch a spoon of peanut butter. 

_____

From: Son

Sent: March 7th:

I don’t know what you’re going through, but I know it must have been bad for you to leave like this. Can you talk to me about what happened? I feel like it was my fault for putting you in that situation. 

We don’t have to talk about what happened if you’re not ready. Just let me know if you’re okay. We’re friends first, colleagues second. Remember that. 

The email had been sitting in your inbox for the last three weeks, gathering dust. Today, you were determined to respond. You’d typed up several half-responses before deleting them, finally settling on something simple. 

Son, 

I’m okay. Thanks for checking in. And thank you for everything else. 

In time, 

Rookie.

You’d forgotten the name he’d given you when you first started your internship, but it popped into your head as soon as you went to sign off. He’d only used it for a couple of months before he switched to your given name, but it was his way of establishing a rapport. At the time, it felt like teasing, but you realized eventually that it was his way of making you feel included. 

You wished you could tell him more. You weren’t ready to talk about it. You hoped he’d understand. 

It was Son. He’d give you the time you needed.  

----

That was the last anyone other than Yoongi had tried to contact you. On the one hand, you were happy they respected your boundaries, but on the other hand, you missed them. Even if you couldn’t respond right now, knowing they cared enough to reach out had been comforting. 

You got it, though. You didn’t have the capacity to be a good friend to them, or to anyone at the moment. And it was you who had walked out on them. That probably hurt a lot. They had every right to be angry with you for the way you had acted, and frankly, the thought that they might be angry with you motivated you to get better. 

Rebuilding these friendships was going to have to be your responsibility. And you were determined to get make it right. 

As soon as you made things right with yourself. 

-------

*BZZZZZZZ*

The sound only half-registered in your sleep state, briefly rousing you before you fell back into deep slumber. 

*BZZZZZZZZ*

It rang a second time, this time fully registering. You scrubbed a palm over your face and threw the blanket off you, simultaneously knocking last night’s empty takeout box off your couch and on to the floor to join the rest.

“Who is it?” you asked over the intercom. 

“Yoongi. Let me up.”  You pressed the button to unlock the front door, eager to see him but wholly unprepared for company. Groggy, you slumped over to your armchair, which held a pile of your clothes. Picking up a bathrobe to sniff it and determine it was clean enough, you wrapped it around yourself and tied it snugly in the middle.

Your apartment was in a very sorry state, you observed. You’d already been aware of that, but you were looking at it with a new lens, now that you had company. 

Sheesh. 

Take-out boxes littered the floor, the coffee table, and the sofa. Empty wine bottles and plastic cups were strewn about—clothes, tissues, candy wrappers, bags of chips, and an open jar of peanut butter with the spoon sticking out. Not to mention the layer of dust that had been gathering on almost every surface. 

You heard a knock on the door. 

“Just a minute!” You called, rushing to gather up as much of the trash as you could and stuff it into a bag. It was a mild improvement, but only just. 

It had been almost three months since you’d last seen Yoongi. He’d visited once after coming back from the last leg of the tour, but shortly after, he embarked on a “creativity journey,” he called it. He’d been traveling around, looking for inspiration for his music and collaborating with artists all over the world.  

You opened the door and greeted him with a hug. 

He wrinkled his nose after pulling away.  “Really?” you said. “I thought for sure this was clean.” 

“I don’t think you can smell yourself anymore, babe.” 

“Fair enough,” you said. “I don’t think I have anything clean. Mind if I do laundry while you visit.” 

He shrugged. “Suit yourself.” 

You grabbed a trash bag (all of your laundry baskets were already full) and started picking out the highest priority items. Sweatpants, hoodies, and underwear were the main articles, but you threw in a towel as well.  

You should probably shower, too, while you’re at it. 

“How long can you stay?” you asked. 

“I’m free all day.” 

“Awesome. How was the trip?” 

“You know? I expected it to involve a lot of writing music, but it was actually the opposite.” 

“Oh?” you asked, gathering up more items to take to the laundry room downstairs. 

“Yeah,” he said, following you around as you picked at and sniffed different clothes around your living room. The bag was already pretty full, but you wanted to make the most of this load. “I mostly just ate, rested, and hung out with other musicians. I don’t think I finished a single track while I was there, other than the few collaborations I did.” 

"I actually love that for you," you said, opening the door and walking down the hall. Yoongi followed, his energy bright.

“Weirdly, it was just what I needed.” 

He continued to tell you about his trip as you threw the load of laundry in and proceeded back upstairs. He’d gone to the US to visit some of the artists he’d previously collaborated with, catch a few NBA games, and visit some of the landscapes, his favorite having been the Grand Canyon. 

“It’s huge!” he exclaimed. “I mean, I knew it’d be huge, but like, you can’t even fathom how big it is until you see it in person.” 

“I’m so happy for you, Yoongi,” you said, and meant it. “Keep me company while I shower?” you asked. 

“Oh?” he asked, eyebrows disappearing up into his hair. 

“Not like that.” 

“Oh.” 

He followed you into the bathroom, kindly not commenting on the soap scum stains on your sinks and the pile of dirty underwear in the corner and took a seat on the lid of the toilet, while you got in the shower and removed your bathrobe, dropping it on the floor on the other side of the curtain before turning the water on. 

“Hungry?” you asked as you struggled to find the right temperature. 

“I was until I saw the state of your apartment.” 

You opened the shower curtain and flicked some water at him. 

“Fair enough. Want me to order something while you shower?” 

“Something with pork belly please?” you called out as you began to shampoo your hair, noticing just how many knots were in it. You really needed to stop falling asleep with your hair in a bun. It was getting harder and harder to untangle and the breakage was now significant. 

For some reason, self-care tasks became much easier with Yoongi around. Things that seemed almost impossible on your own were suddenly within your grasp in his company; you were grateful for his presence, though you tried hard not to become too dependent on him. It wasn’t fair to him, after all. 

“Ordered,” he said. “Should be here in thirty minutes.”  “Thank you,” you said, now trying in vain to comb conditioner through your mats. “When did you get back?” you asked. 

“A few weeks ago,” he said. 

“Really?” you asked, surprised that you hadn’t heard from him. “How have things been at the house? Also could you hand me the comb on the sink over there?” 

“Complicated,” he said. You heard him rifling through the assortment of brushes and ointments sprawled around the edges of your sink until his hand appeared through the curtain, holding a wide-toothed comb. 

“Thanks. Go on.” 

“Well, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” 

“Why? What’s up?” you asked. The comb continued to stick in your hair. At this rate, you’d have to cut your hair short to get rid of all the damage. 

“Well, as you know, things are still tense within the group. A lot of us aren’t talking to each other.” 

“I actually didn’t know that,” you said, finally managing to comb through the biggest knot. You placed the comb back on the shelf and switched over to scrubbing your body with the loofah, hoping to give the conditioner some time to work. 

“Really? I thought I told you.” 

“We didn’t talk much about the group when you were here last. I think I was still avoiding the subject.” 

“Oh, well are you still or can we talk about it now?” he asked. You heard a faint trickling sound coming from outside the shower. 

“Are you pissing right now?” 

“Yeah.” 

You rolled your eyes, unable to hold back a smile at just how comfortable the two of you had become. 

“Don’t get it on the seat.” 

“What and ruin your pristine bathroom?” he said. 

“Ass. Anyway, yeah I suppose we can talk about it now. I’ve had enough time. Just don’t say his name.” 

“Noted. So everyone’s all weird around each other now.” 

“What exactly happened after I left?” 

“After you walked out, Namjoon called you-know-who out in the hallway to talk privately. I couldn’t hear what he said, but it must have been bad because he came back in with his tail between his legs and he wouldn’t look anyone in the eye. Only talked to Joon for the rest of the tour.”  “Damn,” you said. It was cathartic to hear that he had at least some degree of shame. You just wished you could have heard what Namjoon said to him. 

“Yeah. Then he asked to talk to both Tae and Jia privately, and they came back looking pretty similar to Jun—I mean you-know-who. He must have given them a real tongue lashing.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah,” he said. “Then he talked to me.” 

“Yikes.” 

“Yeah.” 

“How’d that go?” 

“It…,” he began, “…wasn’t exactly the best moment of the tour.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at how delicately he phrased it. “Go on,” you said, scrubbing at your scalp. The conditioner had done a decent job of masking some of the damage, but you’d have to visit a salon at some point to truly fix it. Another item on the long list of things you needed to take care of. 

“He was angry with me for not communicating how I was truly feeling about everything. He said he’d have gladly stood up to the label and advocated for me if I would have said something to him. And if they still didn’t listen, he would have helped me find an appropriate way of coping. Or at least help cover for us if that’s what we needed to do. And he was disappointed that I didn’t trust him enough to care about what I was going through.” 

“Fuck,” you said, turning off the water. 

“Yeah.” 

“Hey could you hand me the towel hanging on the door?” 

He did, handing it to you through the curtain without looking. For some reason, you were feeling a bit more shame about being naked around him than you had in the past. Wrapping yourself up in the towel, you stepped out of the shower and truly looked at him for the first time since he’d arrived. 

He looked so tired. 

“How are you holding up?” you asked. 

He shrugged. 

“Anything I can do?” 

“Honestly just your company would be great.” 

“That I can do.” 

You toweled off in your room and changed into a sweater you’d found in the back of your closet and a pair of sweatpants that you’d only worn a couple of times. Yoongi accompanied you while you finished your laundry and worked on tidying up your apartment. He relaxed on the couch, smoking a joint you’d given him and watching mindless reality television until the food arrived, when you took a break and sat next to him, exhausted from all the effort you’d spent, but grateful for Yoongi’s presence. 

“Thank you for coming over,” you said, taking the first bite of noodles. “And for not judging me. And honestly, for everything else you’ve done. I don’t know how I’d get through this without you.” You finished the rest of your sentence with your mouth half-full of food. Yoongi had the kindness not to comment on it. 

“Don’t mention it,” he said, taking a bite of his own. “I needed to get away from the dorms. It was nice to have somewhere to go that wasn’t my studio.” 

You both ate in relative silence, save for slurping noises and the occasional clearing of a throat. Once your hunger had been sated, you turned on the couch to face him and leaned your head against the back, once again taking him in. 

“What?” he asked when he noticed you staring. 

“Do you think sleeping together was a mistake?” 

“Wow, you’re just gonna hit me with that out of nowhere.” 

“Loaded question, I know,” you said, biting back a grin. “Humor me?” 

He sighed, contemplating his answer. 

“No? I mean, there definitely were consequences to it. And Namjoon was right. I should have talked to him about what was going on. But at the end of the day, I still really wanted to do it. And, for some godforsaken reason, I still think I benefitted from it more than I suffered.” 

“I feel that way too,” you said, grateful that he shared the sentiment. “I regret how I went about it, but I don’t think I regret doing it. I loved every second.” 

“Even though it ruined things with…him?” 

You barked a bitter laugh, which dissipated into a sigh. “I think things were ruined with him from the moment they started.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

“We were just kids,” you said. “Or at least it feels like we were. Neither of us was mature enough to enter into a sexual relationship. We handled it so poorly.” 

“That may be true, but then again, you grew a lot through the experience. Sometimes you have to figure out what not to do before you can go about things the right way.” 

“Maybe,” you said. “I still struggle to feel at peace with it.” 

Yoongi was silent for a moment. “Do you miss him?” 

You nodded, unable to speak as the words caught in your throat. You didn’t want to miss him. And you didn’t want to acknowledge that you missed him, but you did. 

Your eyes stung with the grief.  “It’s okay to miss him,” he said. 

“It hurts,” you said. 

“I know, baby. I know,” he said. 

You reached your hand out. Yoongi took it and pulled you into a bear hug. You couldn’t help the sob that left your mouth and got muffled in his chest. 

“Shhhh. It’s okay,” he said, rocking you back and forth, kissing the top of your head. 

You needed this. It was impossible for you to get through all of it alone. And perhaps you weren’t meant to. Perhaps connection was the missing piece. The thing that gave you the energy you needed to heal. You’d been so alone for so long, and while Jungkook had satisfied the physical need of skinship, he couldn’t offer the connection that you really needed. Neither could Jimin. Or Jia. Or Colin. Or any of the other people who’d had access to your body. It was something only Yoongi had given you so far. And maybe, in a way, Son. Though his connection had been an energetic one rather than physical. 

Conflicting needs are hard. Everyone has needs that they're trying to get met. Sometimes those needs don't align. Sometimes we look for the wrong people to meet them.

The company needed to make money and keep a clean image. Son needed to take care of his mother. Jungkook needed to feel secure. Jimin needed to feel good enough. Yoongi needed to feel heard. You needed to heal. 

It’s great when things work out and everybody gets their needs met—but life doesn’t always work out that way. And sometimes the process of getting one’s needs met is messy and painful. Sometimes you have to hurt someone else in order to take care of yourself. 

But people heal. We grow. We learn from our mistakes and find better ways to get our needs met. We're never the bad guy forever. And every once in a while, we get it right. We cause more good than harm. We help someone heal from their wounds, rather than cause them. When that happens, there's a purpose to the pain. A reason to keep healing. Love blossoms where wounds existed, and eventually, with time, they don't hurt so much anymore.

_____

Son looked as if he’d seen a miracle. 

“You came.” 

“Of course I came. I’d never let you do this alone. Though from the looks of it, you wouldn’t have had to.”  You gestured out the window to the full parking lot. People were still clearing out a full twenty minutes after the service ended. 

He hugged you with as much strength as he could muster, and you hugged him back just as tightly. 

“Can you stay? I want to catch up.” 

“Absolutely.” 

You had sat in the back row and watched as Son gave a heartfelt eulogy honoring his mother’s life. The funeral was beautiful. Everybody you’d worked with from the past had showed up to support Son as he gave tribute to his mother’s life. 

Afterwards, you all went back to his mother’s house and drank together like old times. Son got entirely too drunk while going through photos and ended up bawling his eyes out while the group gathered around him. He ended up passing out on the couch not too long after. You stayed the night to make sure he was okay, having been the only one to not partake so heavily. You’d quit drinking about a month ago, deciding it was time to get healthy. 

The next morning, Son made breakfast while you helped clean up after everyone. It felt almost like you were freshly graduated again, interning at Son’s old company before he’d been hired at the record label. 

“This feels familiar,” Son said, echoing your thoughts. You laughed, continuing to shove empty beer bottles and solo cups into the black trash bag you were holding. 

“Old habits die hard, I guess.” 

“I missed you.” 

He said it softly into the pan of eggs he was frying up. Almost too soft for you to catch, but you did. 

“I missed you too. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” 

He stopped frying to look up at you. 

“What happened?” he asked. 

“You really want to know?” 

“I do.” 

The time had come to tell him your story, and you did. You relayed absolutely everything. From your father’s affair with your childhood dance teacher, to your mother’s disapproval of your career choice and subsequent excommunication of you, to the incident with your professor. And then to the events of the tour (which you censored a bit. He didn’t need to hear absolutely everything.) And then why you left. Son listened intently, nodding where appropriate and giving you the focus you needed to get through the story. 

“I’m sorry for leaving,” you finally said. “I just couldn’t handle that environment anymore. I had to get away for my own mental health.” 

“Don’t feel sorry. You had every right to leave. I’m sorry for asking so much of you without giving you enough preparation. Ideally, your first tour would have been alongside me. You’d have been able to watch how I operate for the first few weeks before slowly taking on more responsibility. It wasn’t fair to just shove you out there like that.”  

“You had such a valid reason though,” you said. “I wanted you to be able to take care of her. She needed that. And so did you.” 

He nodded. You saw in him an echo of the grief you’d only just learned how to process. 

“Thank you for giving me that time. I’m so sorry that it came at such a cost,” he said. 

“I grew through it.”

You sat in comfortable companionship for a few moments before Son turned to you. 

“About your professor…,”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” you said, brushing the memory away as soon as it arose. 

“Can we?” he asked, grabbing one of your hands and holding it in his. The gesture was so sincere that you couldn’t help but humor him. 

“I don’t want you to think that you somehow weren’t good enough to get that internship based on skill alone. That man conned you. And last I knew, he was dismissed from the university for having done the same thing to another student.” 

You hadn’t kept up with any university news, wanting to leave the memory behind you, but this was an unexpected turn of events. You couldn’t say you were surprised to hear that he’d done it to other students, but it hadn’t occurred to you to come forward about his behavior. You were relieved to hear that others had, and that he’d faced consequences. Still, you were ready to put the memory behind you. 

“I guess…I always knew that I had some level of skill, because you took me on as your assistant even after the internship, but I had always wondered if it was just because we were friends.” 

He gave a bitter laugh. “I mean, I definitely enjoyed having your personality around, but I wouldn’t have offered you the job if you didn’t also have the skill.” 

Son’s words meant a lot to you, but you still couldn’t help but feel a sense of loss over everything. It wasn’t fair that you were robbed of the joy of having made it based on your hard work and dedication. You were ever afforded the confidence. Your position was always tainted with the bitter knowledge that you’d done things you weren’t proud of to get there. 

“You know,” he began, hesitant about his next few words, “your old spot is still open for you. If you want it, that is. I’d love it if you came back.” 

His words were tangibly hopeful, and the offer was tempting. It would be nice to get back on good terms with everyone you’d left. Still, you knew your answer. 

“Son,” you said, heaving a sigh. “I can’t go back. I appreciate the offer, but I just don’t think it’s the right fit for me anymore.” 

“Ahh, I suppose you’re right,” he responded. “Worth a shot.” 

“I’d still like to stay in touch though. Maybe work on some independent projects together.” 

He offered up the best smile he could muster under the circumstances. “You know I’m always down for a collab. Just say the word.” 

“I’d like that.” 

He turned again towards you. “What will you do now?” 

“I have a few things I want to work on.” 

-----

Your feet fell to the pavement with heavy thuds. The air burned your lungs. Your ankles were sore and unstable, aching from the extra weight they weren’t used to carrying. 

It had been a year since you’d left the company, and this was the first time you’d worked up the energy to go for a run. Almost immediately, you were out of breath. Your limbs no longer worked together the way they had before. They were stretched, as if the threads that had once held you tightly together at your seams had been pulled loose. 

You were a stranger to this body. 

You slowed down to a light jog. It had been less than five minutes and you were already sweating. 

This had never happened to you. You’d always had expert control over your body and its movements. The solid connection between your mind and your muscles was something you’d taken so much for granted that you never even knew it was possible to lose. 

Energy had once flowed throughout your body, all the way to your fingers and toes, but you couldn’t feel it anymore. Your movements were sloppy. Your pace was inconsistent, like your body was short circuiting. 

This was going to be harder than you thought. 

You stopped your movements altogether. 

This was the part of healing nobody told you about. You didn’t have the luxury of running in private, so you had to settle for letting out a silent scream. Going through the motions was a trick you’d only recently learned. 

You turned around. Your body wasn’t ready to run yet, so you’d have to deal with just walking. 

You took one step. And another. Eventually, you found the pace for your body. 

So this was rehabilitation. 

-------

A month later, you signed up for a gym membership. It had become clear during several ineffectual runs that your body had completely atrophied after spending over a year on the sofa eating nothing but takeout and ramen. 

You started with your legs. You were wobbly in your joints and your balance was all over the place. On top of that, you now had almost forty extra pounds you were carrying around. 

Rebuilding your strength was slow, but it was also a necessary step if you ever hoped to get your strength back. You were tired of being tired and you knew that the only way to attain energy was to earn it. 

On top of that, you were nearing the end of your savings and had to find a job soon or else you’d be kicked out, and you were in no state to work. 

Working out became your primary form of meditation. It was a way for you to connect with yourself on a deeper level than you had in a long time. 

You had a feeling that this kind of solitude, while painful, may be the best thing for you. You’d spent the year before chasing attention, never once questioning where the craving had come from. Clearly you had some sort of neglection wound from your parents, but superficial sexual attention wasn’t going to fix that. That’s why you kept chasing even after receiving it. It had provided a temporary dopamine hit, but never addressed the root of the problem. 

It wasn’t until you had begun paying high-quality attention to yourself that you even became aware of this. 

The root of the problem, you thought, as you strained your leg muscles under the weights and stood up, was that you neglected yourself. 

------

“I think I was taught to,” you said. 

You sat across from a middle-aged woman wearing a cream-colored sweater and thin-framed glasses. She held a clipboard and a pen in hand and scrawled down a note. 

“Who do you think taught you to do that?” 

“My parents, for one.” 

This was your second therapy appointment. You called and scheduled the first once the gym alone was no longer enough to keep the spiraling thoughts at bay. 

“What did they do?” 

“Well, my dad abandoned us for that dance teacher, and then when that happened, my mother just couldn’t keep it together. It felt like every conversation we had was just an opportunity for her to complain about what my father did. I had to stop talking to her after a while.” 

“So she forced you to be her confidant and emotional support system when you were a child, while simultaneously neglecting your own needs.” 

“I don’t know. It’s hard to say. It’s possible she just wanted to connect over the fact that he had abandoned both of us, and expected me to be just as angry as she was.” 

“Were you?” she asked. 

“At first. But after a while I was just tired. I wanted to move on with my life, but she stayed stuck in the past.” 

“So you had to fend for yourself.” It was a statement, rather than a question. 

“Yeah.” 

“What do you think that girl needs to hear right now? If she were with us in the room?”  You thought about that for a moment. What would you have wanted your mother to say? 

“I guess, I’m sorry that he left us. That wasn’t fair, but I’m going to make sure we have a good life regardless.” 

She smiled and nodded. “Good. That’s what I want to hear. Now is that a promise you’re intending to keep?” 

“Yes,” you said firmly.  “What do you need to do?” 

“I need to make amends with the people I’ve hurt.” 

-------

“I guess I was just blindsided by everything, you know? I wish you could have confided in me. I don’t know why you didn’t.” 

Hoseok sat across from you, teacup in hand, a look of sincerity in his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, Hoseok,” you said. “I don’t know why I did the things I did. I judged myself so heavily for what I was doing, and I guess I was just afraid you’d judge me too.” 

He grabbed your hand. "I'd like to think I've proven myself to be better than that."

“You have,” you said. “And if I had my head on straight, I would have known that from the start. I just. I don’t know. I didn’t want to disappoint you. And in doing that, I ended up disappointing everyone, myself included.” 

Hoseok looked at you with the utmost sympathy. “Please come back. I miss you. We all miss you.” 

“Hoseok…,” 

“I know,” he said, “It’s just that I really miss having you around. I know things got weird and you got hurt, but you and I had so much fun together. Not everybody enjoys dance the way you and I do, and I miss having your energy around. Plus, we’ve all grown so much since you left. Even Jungkook has been working on himself.” 

Your heart shot to your throat at the mention of his name. 

“Sorry,” he said when he caught you wincing. 

You wanted to ask more questions about him, but couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Apparently, that specific wound remained open.  “I can’t,” you said. “That’s just not who I am anymore. But we can still hang out and collab sometimes. Just for fun.” 

He sighed and nodded. “Promise me you won’t go another year and a half without talking to me?” 

“I promise. I’m sorry I took so long. I needed time, but I’ve finally got my head on straight.”

“Doubtful, knowing you,” he teased and you had to smile. “What will you do now?”  

“Well,” you began.  

------

You entered in the combination the owner had given you. The keypad lit up green and the lock released with an audible “click.” 

There was a small foyer with a desk and a short hallway ahead. At the end of the hallway, a restroom on the right, and to the left, a wide open space. 

You removed your street shoes and padded across the hardwood, dropping your gym bag on the far corner next to the stereo system. After connecting your phone, you pulled up one of your old playlists and hit ‘select.’ The music echoed through the empty space and you made your way to the center. 

Your body was tired and slow. Some of your joints were still stiff and calcified, but your workouts have helped loosen them up. Still, you needed to be extra thorough with your warmup routine and easy on your ankles. You’d lost a fair bit of weight, but you still had about twenty extra pounds weighing your movements down. Some of the fat had been converted to new muscle, though.  

Son had put you in touch with the owner of a local dance studio. He’d worked with her on previous projects and gave you a good reference. She agreed to let you rent out the space a few times a week for a very reasonable price (you had a sneaking suspicion Son had something to do with that, too). 

The savings you’d built up before you quit had all but run dry. It had been eighteen months of living off ramen noodles and paying your electric bill and rent in installments, but you’d survived. Occasionally, you’d try to pay a bill only to find out that it had already been paid for. 

Yoongi swore up and down that he hadn’t done anything, but you had a hard time believing that, considering he knew how much you were struggling and he regularly pressured you into accepting charity, often citing that he had more money than he could ever hope to spend. You were far too proud to accept his donations openly, but you were still grateful for every single utility bill he went behind your back to cover. 

Your savings and his generosity had allowed you the time and space you needed in order to heal and get back on your feet. It was time to return dance floor. 

You were rusty, but it wouldn’t take long for you to build your basic skills back up. Soon enough, you’d be able to start offering classes. 

“Just like riding a bike,” you whispered to yourself as you pushed up off the floor and swung your legs overhead in an aerial. The landing was clumsy and it hurt your knees, but it was a landing, nonetheless. 

You could work with that. 

-------

Three years later.

“Five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and down, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” 

You clapped as you counted. 

“Yes, Seul-ki , give it some attitude,” you shouted, praising one of the students who had shown significant improvement over the last several weeks. She’d started the class later than the rest of the women, but had picked up on it quickly. There was a determination within her that reminded you of past versions of yourself. 

The music ended. The women hit their final pose. They were all very much amateurs and it showed in their dancing, but you had a special place in your heart for this particular class. 

All of the other classes were paid. You taught children up through teens after school on weekdays, but Sunday afternoons were your favorite, because you got to give back to your community. 

The class was made up of survivors of sexual abuse and harassment, and you teamed up with the local women’s services nonprofit and a few trauma-informed therapists to put together this class. 

The goal was to help women reconnect with their bodies through movement. This was the second group of women you’d taught. The first class, while it had its growing pains, was such a success that it had garnered local attention and had been offered a grant from a few other agencies looking to get involved. 

You’d already been approved for a business loan, and next week, you had a meeting scheduled with a real estate agent. You were about to begin the process of looking for properties to purchase. It was time to open your own studio. 

“Okay, good work everyone. Remember, next week we’re off for the holiday, but we’ll be back the week after that. Enjoy your time!” 

You said goodbye to each of the women individually, thanking them for coming and wishing them well as they cleared out. 

Once they were gone, you sat in the middle of the floor and massaged your ankles. They’d never been the same since you took so much time off. You’d built up enough ankle strength over the past few years to support them most of the time, but every once in a while, you had to take some time to rest them or else they’d get inflamed again. You were glad you had the next week off. 

Shuffling through your phone, you put on of your favorite playlist. You’d created it almost ten years ago, but each song reminded you of the early days of your dance career, when you and Son were at his old company, partying weekends away and never taking life too seriously. 

You went through your post-dance stretching and cooldown routine, working on a few moves you wanted to incorporate into your Reconnection class after the break. 

You were midway through the move when you looked up and saw a familiar figure leaning against the doorway, softly smiling at you. 

Your heart leapt up to your throat. Fight-or-flight kicked in, and you immediately ran over to the speakers to turn the music down and give yourself a chance to catch your breath before turning back around. 

“Hey,” he said when you finally did.

“Hey,” you echoed, voice coming out a little breathy. The space between the two of you stretched across the room, filled to the brim with words unspoken. The silence that fell was thick and heavy. Your skin prickled as hairs on your arm stood up.

He was different. More grown up. He had a lip ring now. Beneath his oversized black tee, you could see a full sleeve of tattoos. You knew he’d gotten them. It was impossible to avoid any mention of him in the news, but it was still jarring to see them in person. 

“Uh…Yoongi said you’d be here.” 

Why Yoongi wouldn’t give you a heads up about this was beyond you. 

“Yeah, I, um. I teach a class.” 

“I saw.” His voice softened with layers of humility it had never before held. 

“Can I come in?” he asked. There was such hesitation in the question, like he was tip-toeing around a land mine. You supposed in a way, he was.

“Sure.” 

Slowly he stepped forward. 

“It’s a nice space. I read in the news you were offering—,”

“You're here," you interrupted.

"Um. Yeah."

You were still processing that fact.  The words had come out of your mouth without you consciously choosing to speak them. 

"I didn't expect you to be here," you continued, your brain only being capable of observing the obvious at that point.

"I...well, no. I suppose you wouldn't."

You were still registering his appearance. Had he always been this tall? Or was it just the boots he was wearing? He was in all-black, save for a dark gray beanie he wore on top of his head. You couldn't read his expression.

“I uh,” he said, clearly struggling with how to approach this. “I wanted to make amends, I guess.” 

You blinked a few times. 

"...And I guess that's probably not something you're—,"

“—Do you want a cup of tea? I have an electric kettle in the back,” you cut in.

He let out an audible breath of relief, face finally ligtening up into an expression you could read. “Sure.” 

He followed you to a small break-room-slash-utility-closet in the back of the studio where you kept a stack of yoga mats, extra dance shoes, and all the cleaning and restock supplies you needed. It also had a small bistro table with two chairs, a microwave in the corner, and a tea kettle on top. 

You busied yourself making tea, back turned towards him. It was still tough to look directly at him for more than a second or two, you found. 

“How have you been?” you asked, looking down at your hands as they worked. 

“I’ve been okay. You?” he said. 

You finished filling the cup with hot water and turned back towards him. 

“Feel free to sit,” you said, noticing he was still standing awkwardly in the doorway. He paused for a moment and then helped himself to a seat at the table. You set two cups of tea down in front of each seat. 

“Sugar?” you asked. 

“No thanks,” he said and waited for you to sit. When you finally did, you still found it hard to look at him and settled for staring into the cup between your hands.

“You were saying,” you said, hoping for him to take the lead.

“I had asked you how you were.” 

“Oh. Right. You did. I guess I’ve been good? Better than I’ve been in a while, at least.” 

“Good,” he said. You glanced up to him and caught a small smile on his lips. “I’m glad.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I think it’s amazing what you’ve done in the last few years. I always knew you were a great dancer, but I didn’t realize you had such a philanthropic heart.” 

You let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah. I suppose I didn’t know that about myself. The idea just kind of appeared out of nowhere, you know?” 

He nodded, struggling to hide a smile. You felt a blush creep up on your cheeks. 

“So,” he said. 

“I saw you released a solo album.” 

“Yeah?” he asked. “Did you listen to it.” 

“Um. No, actually. Sorry.” 

He chuckled. “No need to be.” 

An awkward silence fell between the two of you once again. 

“Jungkook, I—,” 

“I’m sorry,” he cut you off. 

“Okay,” you said.

“I just had to tell you. I hate the way I treated you. I hate the way I acted, and you never deserved any of that.” 

“Okay.” 

“And I’ve spent the last four years absolutely appalled with myself. I hate that I pushed you away, and that I lashed out at you, when you were just trying to figure things out, the same as the rest of us. I put so much pressure on you to fill a role in my life. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.”

A rush of emotion hit you all at once and you hadn't realized just how much you'd been waiting to hear those words. You'd already come to terms with the idea that you'd never get an apology, and you were okay with it. Now that it was here, it was almost overwhelming, but you had to store that away for now, because you had something else to say.

“Jungkook, you weren’t the only one who messed up. We both did. I’m just as responsible for what happened as you are.” 

“I don’t think that’s true. That last day, I treated you so much worse than you ever treated me. I had no right to say those things to you. It was despicable, and I am so ashamed. I’m sorry.” 

His words were still sinking in. 

"I mean, I slapped you."

"I deserved it."

"Debatable."

Truthfully, you’d dreamed about having this conversation with him for the last four years. You were never sure how it would go, but now that it was here, you weren't sure how to process it. 

“Why now?” 

He looked down at his teacup. When he spoke, his voice was strained. 

“I’m leaving for my military service soon. I didn’t want to go without making amends.” 

“How soon?” you asked. 

“Next week.” 

“Oh shit,” you said. He removed the gray beanie he’d been wearing to show a freshly shaved head. Now, looking at him was almost surreal. He barely looked like the same Jungkook. 

"Yeah," he said.

"Are you scared?"

"Yes and no. I think it's time I had a challenge like this. It's been so long since I've had to do real grunt work. I could use it. And maybe I need a break from being famous. Just be another soldier in the ranks for a change. Just like everyone else."

He'd never be just like everyone else, but you didn't want to spoil this for him, so you held your tongue.

"If I told you I forgave you, would it help you go into this with a clear conscience?"

He chewed on his lip ring in an effort to hide his smile, but it didn't quite do the trick. "Yeah."

“Yeah. I mean, what you did wasn’t cool. It really hurt and I had a hard time getting over it. But at the same time, it was kind of the kick in pants I needed. I don’t know. It gave me a good enough reason to leave a toxic situation,” he grimaced as you said it, knowing he was partly at fault for its toxicity, “and I feel like I was able to really start living for myself after that. It sucked at the time, but it was a catalyst for a major chapter of growth.” 

“So...does that mean there's no hard feelings?” 

“Jungkook," you said "you broke my heart. That’s always going to sting a bit. But I’m not going to hold on to any resentment. I know you were acting from a place of pain.” 

“I was,” he said. “And thank you for understanding that. I'm sorry for what I did when I was hurt, but I’ve been working on healing, for what it’s worth. Getting famous at such a young age affected me more than I realized. I won’t go into it now, but I know what you mean when you talk about a growth chapter. I’ve been kind of going through one of those myself.” 

“I’m glad.” 

The conversation trailed off, but you could tell there was something else on his mind by the way his tongue prodded at the inside of his cheek. It warmed you to know he still did that.

“Can I ask you something?” he said, sincerity on his tongue. 

“Do you think, like when I get back from war,"

"You're not going to war, Jungkook," you deadpanned.

"You don't know that. War could break out at any time. You know they're running missile tests in the North."

Even if war did break out, they'd never put him on the front lines. He brings in too much money for the country, but you humored him. "Okay, sure. When you get back from war."

"When I get back from laying my life on the line in a very dangerous war for the sake of our country," he continued and you couldn't stop the smile that appeared on your face, "do you see a future where we could ever work on things? Or have I permanently messed up my chance?” 

At that, you had to laugh. “Get back from your military service and we’ll talk.” 

“Please? Another chance? I’d love to make it up to you. I could make it up to you before I leave, even.” 

"Are you seriously trying to get laid right now?"

He smiled, bunny teeth sticking out and suddenly he looked like old Jungkook again. Your Jungkook. “I would never.” 

“I cannot believe you! You are such a little shit,” you said in amusement. You got up to rinse your tea cup in the sink in an effort to shut the conversation down, but he followed you. 

“One kiss,” he said. "I'll change your mind."

“Go away, Jungkook,” you said, snatching his half-finished tea from him. 

“I could die! I could be killed on the battlefield!” he exclaimed, following you to where you stood. 

“I would be grieving with the rest of the female population. I’d be first in line, even.” 

“A hug then?” he said, catching you by the arm. Your skin burned where he touched and you almost dropped the cup you were holding. You forgot how affected you were by him.

You turned to face him. He was close now, staring down at you. His doe eyes held a familiar intensity that made your stomach flutter.  "Please?" he said again, voice low and soft.

“Jungkook, I—,” you began.

The End. 

[myreygn]

HELLO I SAW WHAT U SAID ABOUT DEMON SLAYER (THAT YOULL KISS ME LMFAO) BUT I WANTED TO ASK FOR MAYBE LEE ENMU??? YEAH IK HE JUST IS SO UNDERRATED IN THE TK COMMUNITY- idk why I’m yelling sorry but I need Lee or ler enmu anything pls 😭 my love for that man is indescribable and HE HAS LIKE NO TK CONTENT and that makes me sad awawaw but anyway have a good day or night or whatever time it is for u <333

Unhand me!

summary: Akaza allows himself to take a day off from the mission he was assigned and decides to stay at Mugen train - surely he and Enmu can avoid each other for the time being. Only that Enmu seemingly has no interest in avoiding Akaza and Upper Moon Three isn't one to turn down a challenge.

an: HI I'M SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG ALSO PLEASE YELL AS MUCH AS YOU WANT WE SUPPORT YELLING ON THIS BLOG- okay good news is i finally finished it and i had a lot of fun with it, i also learned to appreciate enmu more during the time i had this in my inbox and finished the manga so i feel like i was able to write for them a lot better than i would have been three months ago! thank you for the request - i went with akaza's pov for this one because i find his easier to write than enmu's, i hope that's okay ^^ it's set somewhere between s1 and s2, enjoy!

wordcount: 1765

tagging: @giggly-squiggily because i stole your rui/akaza-dynamic and @duckymcdoorknob because it's your husband <3

warnings: it's an akaza pov so lots of swearing!

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸¸♫·¯·♪¸¸♩·¯·♬¸¸

Akaza was exhausted. Which was ridiculous, considering that demons, let alone Upper Moons, shouldn’t even be able to feel something as mundane as exhaustion. Yet this stupid mission managed to- no, it wasn’t a stupid mission, there was no way he could even think that when there was so much as a chance of Muzan-sama listening in on his thoughts at that very moment. 

A noticeable shiver ran through Akaza’s body and he jumped through the opening in the train’s roof (whatever purpose a damn skylight on a train had but alright). It would probably be best to just not think about this mission at all for a few hours. He had worked hard these past few weeks, he could take a day off. And while the company of Lower Moon One certainly wouldn’t be his first choice in any other situation (except maybe if it was between them and fucking Douma) the train they had brought under their control would do as lodging for now. Especially because it was in the engine shed which meant that there were no people around to disturb him and enough space to get away from Enmu in case they got too annoying.

Akaza slouched down in one of the seats, not bothering to open his eyes when he felt a poorly covered presence approaching. “I’m just crushing here for today, don’t make a fuss about it.”

No answer, but the presence was still there. Okay, weird, but it was undoubtedly exactly who he thought it was and he wasn’t gonna open his eyes for Enmu of all people. A little voice in the back of his head started squeaking about how disrespectful the lower ranked demon was being but honestly, Akaza didn’t have the energy to scold them right now. Who cared anyway, it was just the two of them and Enmu knew very well that Akaza could obliterate their ass within two seconds, so whatever.

He crossed his arms behind his head, leaning back and enjoying the silence. Well, while it lasted.

Tap.

Nope. Absolutely not.

Tap. 

He was not gonna sacrifice his peace of mind for whatever bullshit Enmu was up to.

Tap tap. Taptaptaptaptap- 

“GAH!” Akaza felt his eyes fly wide open and his foot crashed into the floor next to his seat at something squeezing his knee. A few quick tapping noises and a soft snicker that seemed to come from the walls rather than from the hand that sat patiently in the middle of the gangway, an aura of fake innocence and smugness to it that would’ve driven Akaza up the wall on any other day.

Today though? Maybe it was really only because he was so fed up with this not at all stupid, so much fun mission that he had been trying to complete for weeks now but he had to admit, he felt rather… playful. Daki and Gyutaro had plenty of playfights whenever they all came together and although he’d rather walk straight into the sun than admit it out loud, there was always a sting of jealousy in his chest watching them. He had no one he could do that with - these days he hardly ever came across anyone who a) matched his strength enough for them to actually do something like that, b) had the guts to challenge him and c) didn’t make him want to rip his own head off whenever they opened their mouth. Fucking Douma, honestly.

And sure, Enmu was only a lower moon but they still matched two out of the three necessary criteria, so maybe it was gonna be fun. The hand tapped the floor with its index finger and a mouth appeared on it, stretched into a wide grin. Fuck it, why shouldn’t he play along.

“You have balls, I’ll give you that.” He lunged forward, missing the hand only by a mere inch or so. Hm. Surprising enough. Of course he hadn’t used his full speed but he still had planned on catching the hand. Little fucker was quick - that, or he was more exhausted than he had thought. Maybe both. Probably both.

“That was a good one, Akaza-sama!”

Heavens, he didn’t need this creepy thing giving him compliments- “Hey!” In the brief second he had been busy thinking about how weird it was to literally talk to the hand (he had seen Enmu pull the talk to the hand move on one of the other lower moons once and begrudgingly admitted to himself that that had been pretty cool), said hand had lunged forward to squeeze his knee once more. That brave move brought an end to its attempt at a reign of terror though.

“Gotcha!” Akaza held the hand up by the fingers, pressing them together in a way he hoped wasn’t too painful - he was still having fun and didn’t really want that ruined by Enmu getting hurt and inevitably becoming horny over it - and smirked at the struggling limb. “What do you think you’re doing, huh?”

“Oh, I thought we were playing a little game,” Enmu chirped through the hand’s mouth (hands shouldn’t have mouths, jeez, Enmu was so weird), “Akaza-sama seemed so down on the bench, I thought I might as well try to cheer him up.”

“By sending your creepy hand to squeeze my knee?”

“Yes!” The thumb wriggled excitedly and Akaza was glad he was holding the other fingers hostage so he didn’t have to see them do it as well. “Douma-sama told me about Akaza-sama’s knees being quite, hum, sensitive, I wanted to see for myself!”

“He said that, huh?” Akaza felt heat boiling in his stomach but he couldn’t really tell whether it was anger or horror at the prospect of Douma spreading this particular weakness of his around like hot gossip - not that a vast majority of demons could manage to utilize it against him if he didn’t want them to. Still. Fucking Douma. “Did he tell you what would happen if you got busted by me?”

The hand seemed to stiffen a little at that and Akaza couldn’t help but let out a low chuckle. “That’s what I thought. Tell you what, if you show yourself right now I might go easy on you.”

Silence. He lifted the hand to eye level. “Alright. You brought this upon yourself.”

A shriek echoed from the train’s walls and Akaza felt the corners of his mouth pull up in amazement. All he had done was gently scratch at the soft skin right where regular humans had their artery. “If your wrists are this bad, what about the rest of your hand?”

“Wahait, wait, Akahaza-samahahahaaa!”

Akaza snickered to himself, relentlessly dragging his blunt nails over Enmu’s wrist. (Enmu’s hand’s wrist? This was Enmu’s hand, right? He wondered whether they carried substitute hands in their pockets.) “I am waiting, waiting for you to come out so I can look at your face while I annihilate you.”

There was no real bite to his words and he was sure Enmu could tell - otherwise they would’ve probably thrown themselves in the dirt in front of Akaza already, begging to be left alive. Not that Akaza had the authority to kill the last remaining lower moon just like that but Enmu probably didn’t know that, and honestly, they didn’t need to. He was allowed to keep at least a little bit of his threatening exterior.

Although how threatening could he seem, standing in an empty train and tickling a detached hand? Probably not very, but whatever, looking threatening wasn’t the top priority right now. The top priority remained getting that little weasel Enmu to leave their hiding spot and if he had to bring out the big guns for that, then fine, he’d bring out the big guns.

“AIEEE! Ahahahakazaha-sahahama! Nohot thahahahat!”

Enmu was losing it now and the whole train vibrated as if shaken by their high and shrieky cackles. Akaza allowed himself an evil chuckle. There was something very satisfying about hearing that normally melodic and breathy voice brought to such loud and, dare he say it, ridiculous noises. Especially considering that he wasn’t really doing much aside from gently scribbling over the palm of the hand - as he knew all too well from countless humiliating interactions with Douma, a light touch was often enough to really get someone screaming and Enmu didn’t seem to be the exception to that.

“Ahakazahaha-sahahamaha, unhahand mehehe!”

“Oh, you think you’re really funny, huh?!”

“NAHAHAT THEHE PAHAHALM!”

Growing more hysterical by the second.

“PLEHEHEHEASE!”

Hilarious.

“You know what to do if you want me to stop.” Akaza smirked to himself when a low thud behind him notified him of Enmu’s long overdue surrender and he stopped his attack on the hand to turn around to an absolutely demolished looking lower moon. As soon as he took his fingers off, the limb went limp (Ha ha.) and he gave himself a moment to relish in the sound of Enmu desperately gasping for air. “There you are, you little freak. So I guess that means I win.”

“Ehe, indeed you do. Well played, Akaza-sama.” Enmu got on their knees and grinned up at him, cheeks flushed and lips stretched into a pleased smile; a smile Akaza found himself returning, much to his surprise. “May I have a turn now?”

The upper moon hesitated for a moment. Pausing and really thinking about it, this was beyond inappropriate, but then again… it wasn’t like Muzan-sama didn’t already know about the tickle fights amongst his Kizuki. And even if Enmu went on to tattle about this to Douma, well, it wasn’t like Douma didn’t know about Akaza’s tendency to goof off with the lower moons as well. Or at least his tendency to goof off with a former lower moon. 

Akaza felt the ever so slight hint of a sting in his chest; he knew he shouldn’t, but damn, he missed Rui. He remembered their tickle fights, their games of hide and seek, Rui demanding piggyback rides. And grief was such an embarrassingly human feeling to experience, but to call it anything else would be a lie. For a moment he wondered whether Rui missed him too, watched him even - wouldn’t Rui want him to do this? He could almost sense the kid nudging him from the afterlife - Do it! I haven’t seen you laugh in a while! And Enmu was still there, still looking up at him so expectantly and fuck it, why the hell not! 

“Bring it on, sleeping beauty.”

Maybe it was okay to feel a little human every now and then.

[stilljuststardust]

thank you for being so understanding bc there’s just some bloggers that are rude for no reason. ty

I appreciate a lot of their advice and I can understand where they're coming from, it can be overwhelming and I have compassion for that. However, it's perfectly reasonable that the people asking questions are confused about things we already understand... that's why they asked us. I don't expect my anons to know everything already or have good mindsets because obviously if you supply advice the demand is going to be from those who need it.

also sorry this sat in the inbox for so long this month has been very unorganized.

[marmixedwithabitofintellect]

Chapter Four: New Beginnings

FINALLY WE'RE BACK! I'm so sorry it took me so so long to post, but I hope this chapter makes up for it 🥹✨ As always, my inbox is open for you guys and please come talk to me about what you thought of the chapter 🫶🏼🫶🏼 All the love, Mar 🤍

March 14, 2022 – April 13, 2022: Month Four

March 15, 2022

New York City, New York. 1:45 PM.

The phone rang four times before he answered, “Hi baby”, I smiled, “Harry Styles you menace”, he laughed and I walked towards the flowers sitting on the coffee table; once he stopped laughing, he cleared his throat and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

I sat down and snuggled into the pillows before answering him, “Oh? Well then, think I have to call Mr. Ricciardo and thank him for the flowers then”, he let out a grumble before mimicking what I just said which had me laughing, “I’m kidding baby; but you are a menace, three arrangements in a whole week?”

“I miss you baby, just don’t want for you to forget it”, I smiled, “I won’t, I promise you”, we settled into comfortable silence for a few until he spoke up, “How’s the baby?”, I sighed, “It’s been an adjustment, but we’re working on it”, he tsked his lips, “What’s wrong?”, I cleared my throat, “It’s nothing.”

“Baby, if it is bothering you, it is not nothing. Wanna switch to FaceTime?”, I sighed before quietly answering him, “Yeah”, we hung up and I pulled my laptop and charger, I plugged it in and waited for his call to appear, I smiled when I saw his face on the screen, and he returned the smile and a wave before asking me, “How on Earth do you get prettier and prettier each day huh?”

I laughed and hid my face behind my hands, “Stop it, I feel anything but”, he furrowed his brows a little, “What’s wrong baby?”, I sighed and started playing with my fingers, and looked everywhere but the screen where he was, “It’s just been… hard, like settling back home; jetlag hit us hard and she has also hit the sleep regression, so she isn’t resting well, which in turn has her in a bad mood all day long.”

“Dr. Ramirez said it was normal, but I don’t know, I feel awful for her, and we’ve been having issues with breastfeeding, my supply has been all over the place, so I have had to supplement with some of the frozen milk we have, which in turn has me tying to pump to make up for the milk I grab but then again my supply is not great so it is just this big mess; I mean don’t get me wrong, she is fed and happy, but I feel like I have been failing her.”

“Oh baby”, there was something on his tone that made me sniffle, “And… this is stupid because I know things take time, but I wanted to wear a dress I just bought and it did not fit, and I knew I wouldn’t be back to my pre-baby weight. But not even the next size fits comfortably, which then had me doing some try-ons and decluttering and I had to stop because I would have thrown out everything I own”, I wiped the tears that had fallen and turned to look at Harry, “I’m sorry, I just loaded you.”

He shook his head, “It makes me feel happy that you trust me enough to tell me how you feel darling, and I wish I could just reach into the screen and pull you into a hug”, I chuckled and he continued, “I’m so sorry things have been so hard for you, especially with the baby when I promised you I would always be there, but please get this into your head: you’re not failing her, haven’t failed her even before she was here and that is worth everything”, he smiled and I nodded.

“She is still tiny, and even if it hurts us, she is growing too, so these things will happen because they are part of her development, and we will always work together to help her, yes? You and me, we are a team; I remember that in one of the baby books I read they discussed ways to help soothe her during her crisis and ways to help you keep up your supply, so let me check my notes and I’ll send them your way.”

The smile that adorned my face was difficult to hide, I felt so damn proud of him, of the great father and boyfriend he had become, of the love he had for her and for me, and how much effort he was putting into taking care of Pippa and myself, he cleared his throat, “As for you Miss, I wish you could see what I see”, I smiled before giving him a questioning look, “And that is?”

He smiled, “A beautiful, strong, intelligent, talented, sexy as hell woman, both inside and out, a mother who everyday selflessly takes care from her baby and is making sure that her needs are met and that she is a happy baby, a friend who is always there for whoever needs her; I see the girl of my dreams and the woman I want to share the rest of my life with”, my heart started beating so fast and I smiled, he took it as a way to continue speaking.

“I don’t want to override your feelings, because they are valid, but just know, I think you are beautiful, and what matters to me the most is the fact that you are healthy, that you are thriving, and above all, that you are feeling good about yourself yes? I truly don’t give a shit if you’re a size zero or a size fourteen, I do care that you feel supported and loved by me and everyone who loves and cares for you.”

I sniffled and nodded before speaking up, “I am happy, I feel like we are getting a hang of this whole new adventure, so I feel like I am also thriving alongside her, and I do feel good about myself and so damn proud of having grown and birthed a healthy baby girl but, I don’t know”, is eyes were full of sorrow and worry, I cleared my throat before continuing.

“I feel like I’m comparing myself to all new moms who by now have their figure back and they are so confident, and me, well I feel good and look good, but I don’t know… I’m sorry I’m just being irrational”, he smiled, “Baby, you’re not. It is valid and I hear you and see you and the only thing I really want to do is be there for you in any way I can, is there anything literally anything I could do to help you to work on this problem?”, I smiled, “Just get home safe, we miss you so much and having you here is definitely the best medicine there is”, he smiled, “I am counting down the days to be next to you again, and until I am, expect many more surprises.”

I laughed and turned my head when I saw two boxes I had opened once we got back home, “By the way, you should definitely call Taylor and thank her for the lovely gifts”, he gave me a surprised look while taking a sip of water before speaking up, “Really? What did she send?”, I smiled, “A lovely, knitted cardigan with her name on it, and a crocheted blanket and it has her birth flowers knitted, and it is purple like her birthstone.”

He smiled, “I’ll make sure to reach out tomorrow and thank her, does she love her gifts?”, I nodded, “Her blanket is so cozy; it is the one I have been using when we need to go out, and her cardigan I’m saving it for a special occasion, like maybe one of her daddy’s concerts?”, that had him smiling so big and before he could speak up I added, “Coachella maybe?”, I grinned.

He sat up straighter and opened and closed his mouth, I took this chance to speak up, “I know we agreed that maybe we should stay home, but I know this is a very big and important time in your life for you baby, and we would love to be there with you”, he sniffled and smiled, “I would love nothing more than to have you two there with me my heart”, I smiled, “I love you baby”, he kissed his fingers and pressed them to the screen “I love you more my heart.”

March 20, 2022

New York City, New York. 12:30 PM.

My heart was going crazy while I was walking to the sushi place that we had agreed to meet up on. A few days ago, I had received an email from Matthew telling me he would be in the city and would love to meet for lunch so we could properly catch up. Before I confirmed my assistance, I decided to tell H about the situation, and although he wasn’t too thrilled, he said he trusted me and to call if anything happened.

Once we arrived, the lovely host led us to a secluded table where the stroller wouldn’t bother any of the guests and the noise would not wake up Pip; as I was finishing checking my emails, someone cleared their throat before speaking up, “Hi Birdie”, I left my phone on the table and turned to look at him, I smiled while standing up and reaching to pull him into a hug.

“Hi Matthew, it is so nice to see you again”, he squeezed a little before pulling back and turning to look at the stroller with a smile, “Sleeping?”, I nodded and he did too, “Well let’s take advantage and eat while she sleeps, yes?”, I smiled and nodded while he called the lovely waitress, who after taking our orders left our table.

I took a moment to just observe him; he was still the guy I had dated but he definitely had matured, and you could see it on his face, he smiled before speaking up, “You haven’t changed that much”, I laughed, “I was thinking the same thing about you”, he nodded, “So… I really don’t wanna be that guy, but I need to ask.”

I laughed, “Oh, it is a story to tell. I won’t bore you with details that are not that important; a few months after we broke up, I met Harry, he hired me for some design projects for his album and we started dating a few months after I finished the projects. We broke up on December of 2020 because I could see that he was falling out of love with me and I didn’t want to be left heartbroken, a few months later, in March, I travelled to L.A. for some work commitments and we happened to run into each other, and after dinner, one thing led to another, I ran way the next morning knowing that what happened had been a mistake; a few weeks later I found I was pregnant.”

He sat there and nodded, waiting for me to continue, I sighed and smiled a little, “I was so shocked, but I fell in love with her from the moment I knew she existed, and it was the kind of love that is all consuming and comes along with the need to protect her”, I peeked into the covered stroller and smiled at her before turning to see Matthew, “Her dad was dating someone else at the time, but they eventually broke up. I still remember how excited he was when he found out we were having a baby together, we had a few hiccups along the way but I’m glad we were able to work things out for her. We decided not to find out the gender until birth, it was the best decision.”

He gave me a teasing grin, “And between you two? Harry and yourself?”, I smiled and shrugged my shoulders, “We’re taking it one day at a time, but I know that he is the love of my life and hopefully the father of all of my children, and I will do everything in my power to make things work”, he nodded, “And Harry? How is he?”, I took a sip of my tea, “He is good, he is an awesome father and I have also realized that the Harry I fell in love is still there, I’m falling in love with him even more.”

He smiled, “You look happy Birdie”, I sat down for a moment to let his words sink in, “I am. So happy, happier than I thought I would be to be honest”, we ate a little more in silence before I asked him, “And you?”, he cleared his throat, “After we broke up, stayed in Manhattan for a few months, then my boss asked me if I would like to transfer to the London office and after giving it much thought I said yes and the next month I was on the move.”

I nodded encouragingly, hoping he continued to tell me his adventures, “A few months after moving I met Claire”, I could see him smile so big, before he continued, “She’s from Vancouver but her work also relocated her to London. We bonded over being to foreigners with new jobs and trying to understand England and started dating a few months after we met each other, I asked her to marry me a few months ago and she said yes.”

I smiled so big, “Oh Matthew! That’s so wonderful, congratulations!”, he laughed a little, “Thank you Birdie! Yeah, we’re very excited for this nee chapter for us; we will be getting married in Scotland in May, there’s a castle that we fell in love with when we visited and after the wedding we will be moving to Vancouver because we got a new job”, before I could speak up there was a little cry, a mewl from the stroller, so I reached in to pull the baby into my arms and settled her in my arms with a bottle covering her with the blanket.

“Holy crap she looks so much like you”, I smiled, “You think so? I think she’s more Harry’s twin at the moment”, he shrugged his shoulders, “I mean, yeah she looks like her dad, but the resemblance with you is also impressive, I have a feeling you have a mini you in your hands”, I laughed, “I’ll let you know because I swear to god she changes every day”, I then patted her back hoping to help her settle a bit more while she had her lunch.

Matthew smiled at me, “Motherhood suits you well, Birdie”, I smiled and peeked into the blanket to see the lovely eyes I had fallen in love for the last few months, before turning to look at Matthew, “I never in my wildest dreams thought I would love being a mom so much, but she makes everything so wonderful, she has given my life so much color and happiness, I really cannot imagine what my life would be without her here.”

Once we finished lunch and I had burped Pippa, I strapped her in the stroller so she could take her afternoon nap, Matthew paid for lunch and we made our way outside; we stood on the side of the street and we pulled each other into a hug, and once we pulled back, he peeked into the stroller and smiled before turning to look at me.

“You have a beautiful girl Birdie, and I am so happy you are happy”, I smiled, “I am so happy you are happy too Matthew”, we pulled each other into one last hug before he whispered, “Don’t be a stranger, yes? I would love to hear more from you”, I nodded, “You too, you have my phone number and email, so please keep in touch”, he nodded and waved while he walked onto the main street, I turned to see if everything was good in the stroller and started making my way back home.

March 23, 2022

Harry. New York City, New York. 8:00 PM.

I closed the door and dropped my suitcase next to it, I let out a deep breath once I took off my mask and removed my shoes on the way to the kitchen to wash my hands. I was so anxious and excited to finally be able to kiss my girls and have them in my arms once again, it had been too long, and the separation anxiety had done wonders on me.

As I made my way from the kitchen to the bedroom, I saw Y/N exiting our room and closing the door, I pouted before whispering a very sad, “Noo”, she gave me a sympathetic smile while she walked to me, “I’m so sorry baby, I really tried my best to keep her awake, but she was very crabby and tired, literally fell asleep breastfeeding and it was a struggle to get her to finish, I need to pump a little.”

I nodded while pulling Y/N into a hug and kissing her forehead multiple times, “I missed you gorgeous, and thank you for trying, I’m sorry she has been a menace today”, she laughed while pulling back a little and kissed my lips before we started walking to the kitchen, “I missed you too H, so much; and don’t worry, she was fine but I guess we did a lot of things today that tired her out.”

I helped her plate the dinner she had made, and we sat down on the counter, not before making sure that her chair was really close to mine, she smiled when I reached to place a kiss on her temple, she took a bite of dinner and swallowed before asking me, “How did the flight go?”

I groaned while I finished chewing, “It was awful, we were supposed to takeoff at around 4:30-5:00 PM UK time hoping I could get home and see the baby before she went down, but air clearance took about 45 minutes longer than expected so we ended up leaving about six, even Jeff was pissed about it and you know he has a lot of patience and understanding with these type of situations.”

She nodded while taking another bite, “Then the flight was so bumpy and we hit turbulence for the last hour and I was really freaking out because it literally felt like we had no breaks in between, but everything was better when we landed and I saw your text about her still being awake, but I forgot about stupid rush hour in New York.”

She laughed, kissed my temple, and rubbed my shoulders while I finished eating, “I’m sorry lovely, but thankfully you are here now and we will make up for all the cuddles we missed yeah?”, I nodded and smiled while reaching to puller her in for another kiss, “How about we finish dinner and I’ll go have a quick shower while you pump and then we can watch a movie?”, she nodded in agreement while taking another bite.

Once we finished eating, we picked up our plates and I made my way to the bedroom to have my shower, I decided to carefully peek into the bassinet and my heart just about melted, her cheeks had definitely grown, and I knew I would spend an unhealthy amount of time kissing them. After my shower I made sure that she was still sleeping  then left the room, once I reached the living room I smiled when I saw Y/N settled on the couch waiting for me, after choosing what movie to watch, I pulled her into my arms so I could cuddle her and give her all the kisses I had missed these last few weeks, and while we were cuddling, I realized, there was no other place I’d rather be.

March 25, 2022

New York City, New York. 6:00 PM.

The music coming from the other side of the door had me smiling and rolling my eyes. Today is my birthday and even though I had begged Harry to keep it on the low and he had assured me he would, I had been getting spoiled all day long, and don’t get me wrong, I love the attention, but truly this year I felt like I had everything I could wish and more, still he argued that I deserved all the love I could get today.

It all had started with a lovely breakfast in bed which included my favorite pastries from the bakery three blocks down alongside a beautiful bouquet of my favorite flowers from my little girl, followed by an array of phone calls and video calls with our family out of town and more arrangements from friends and family with well wishes and lots of love, our house at the moment looked more like a flower shop.

Harry then prepared some light lunch for us and sent me with Ray to an undisclosed location with the instruction to turn my phone off as soon as I arrived at my destination, promising that if anything was to happen he would make sure to reach me, the undisclosed location turned out to be one of my favorite spas in the city, where I learned I had been booked for a full body massage and a facial. Once it finished, I was on my way back home to what I thought would be our normal night routine, but then again, I should have expected for it not to be the case.

The first thing I noticed once I opened the door was the balloons and garlands decorating the pathway to the kitchen and living room; when I turned to see the living room he had set up a picnic on the floor, and placed candles all over the tables, along with more balloons and pictures tied to the end of the balloons, the pictures that went all the way back to when we first met, some of my pregnancy I had either sent him or my friends, to Pippa’s birth and these last few months of being her parents and all the way up to a selfie with Pip I had sent him a few days ago.

The house smelled of lavender and the air felt warm, which was an indication that bath time had probably just ended; when I turned to the kitchen, I smiled at the picture I came across, the baby was settled in her little bouncy seat playing with a little rattle Anne had knitted for her while her father was singing to her, a demo from his new project still to be announced to the world, but the date was fast approaching.

Once he noticed I was standing at the entrance he dropped the spatula he was holding and smiled while making his way to me, “Hey birthday girl! How was your spa session?”, I kissed his chest and cuddled into his hug, “It was divine H, very much needed, thank you again baby”, he pulled back a little and smiled, “I’m so glad you enjoyed it, you deserve it; dinner is almost ready and the little miss is ready for a feed and cuddle with her mumma, so why don’t you go sit on the couch with her while I finish.”

I nodded and started walking to the little bouncer, and as soon as Pippa saw me, she gave me the biggest smile and my heart just about melted, I cooed to her, “Oh hi little miss look at that smile! Yeah, baby I love your smile”, I tickled her chin, “Are you gonna give me a laugh? Will you give mumma a laugh as a birthday gift?”, she just crinkled her eyes and moved her arms around, I took this chance to unbuckle her and made our way to the living room.

As soon as we settled, she latched and started feeding, and I felt a sense of proudness when I saw how chunky she was getting. We were just switching sides when Harry came into the living room carrying two pizzas, he turned and gave me a smile, “Pizza made from scratch for you my love, one has some veggies and the other is a deli meat blend”, he sat down next to me and I squeezed his arm, “Thank you baby, would you mind bringing her little basket? Maybe she can snooze a little while we eat.”

He nodded, stood up and made his way to the nursery where we keep the little travel bassinet, we sued to lay her down for short periods of time, and when he came back, I was just finishing burping Pippa, we sat down in front of the table, and I settled the baby in her bassinet while we ate. Once we were done, I tried to help H clean up, but he refused my help, he went into the kitchen and screamed out, “My love please make sure the baby is in your arms, yes?”

I laughed and reached in for the baby who had just woken up from her nap, I kissed her forehead and settled her on my lap before I screamed, “We’re ready!”, a few seconds later he started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ while making his way back to me with a small cake and a few candles lit, once he set it in front of me he sat down and sat down to finish singing.

I grabbed Pippa’s hands and pretended to clap alongside him, “Make a wish darling”, I closed my eyes and truly thought about my wish, I smiled while I made my wish, I wish for a life full of the bliss and happiness I have been feeling lately, I opened my eyes and blew out the candles, then Harry made his way to sit next to us and took a picture to send to our family.

Once we ate our cake and picked up, we made our way to the bedroom, where we made sure that her diaper was clean before we settled Pip into her bassinet for the night; we then got ready for bed together. Once we made sure all the lights were off and we had everything in place for the night feeds we got into bed, Harry then turned to his nightstand and pulled out a box from the drawer, I gave him a knowing look and he bashfully smiled, “I promise this is the last gift I will give you today”, I kissed his cheek and grabbed the gift, “Thank you baby, but you didn’t have to you know.”

When I opened the box I found a necklace settled, it had a pendant with a P, he spoke up, “I know you love your jewelry, and I thought this could be a beautiful addition to your collection, and it is dainty and discreet just how you love them; and if we have more babies we can add their initials”, I smirked at him, “So you want more babies huh?”, he laughed and nodded while kissing my lips.

He pulled back a little, a very sincere look in his eyes full of love and gratitude, “I want everything with you, for as long as you’ll have me”, I smiled and pulled him in for a kiss, when we pulled back I whispered, “Thank you baby, I love it, and I also want everything with you for as long as you’ll have me”, he smiled, “You are welcome my heart, did you enjoy your day?”, I nodded and smiled, “It was the best birthday I could have wished for.”

April 5, 2022

Harry. Indio, California. 4:00 PM.

I removed my seatbelt and got out of the car before turning to give Jeff a handshake, “Thanks for the ride man”, he smiled, “No problem, say hello to the Missus and Pip for me, and if you guys need anything please call or text yeah?”, I nodded and then turned to thank the driver before closing the door and making my way to the house we had rented for the weekend.

As soon as I opened the front door my heart broke when I heard the cries of Pippa somewhere in the living room, I removed my shoes and mask, went to wash my hands, and started making my way to where I could hear Y/N shushing Pip. When I entered the kitchen and she saw me her lips went into a pout.

We had been in California for four days, and two days after we arrived Pippa had come down with an awful ear infection, which had us visiting the Urgent Care upon the recommendation of Dr. Ramirez and having to give her a round of antibiotics. Because of this, there hasn’t been a lot of sleep for her, Y/N and Pip had been staying in another room so I could rest and be able to fulfill all of my work commitments.

Once I stood up beside her I sighed, “How is she?”, she shook her head a little before kissing Pippa’s forehead, “She was perfect all day but woke up very emotional from her nap, I think her ear is still bothering her; I spoke with Dr. Ramirez, said that this was normal and to keep giving her some ibuprofen, if this persists then maybe we can discuss another round of antibiotics but doesn’t really want that”

I nodded and reached for the baby, “Oh baby, I’m so sorry you feel bad, should we cuddle a little?”, I made my way to the little swing settled on the patio and sat down kissing her forehead and patting her bum, a few seconds later Y/N came to joins us and brought along with her a pitcher of lemonade and some popcorn.

I gave her an appreciative smile before speaking up, “Her fever finally broke?”, she nodded, “We’ve been fever free for about 18 hours finally, I think she’s just a little colicky and overall tired”, I nodded and continued to shush her, and from her pliant body I believe she was falling asleep finally.

After taking a sip of her lemonade she ran a hand down my hair and smiled, “How did rehearsals go?”, I smiled back at her, “They were good, the set is awesome and Shania and I had a good one, she is so excited to meet Pippa”, Y/N nodded and helped me take a sip from my lemonade because the baby had finally fallen asleep in my arms.

Y/N let out a yawn, which had me also yawning, we both laughed quietly before we settled further into the little swing, Y/N then whispered, “Nap?”, I nodded and kissed her forehead, “Baby, can we please sleep in the same room? I miss you so much and you also need to rest”, she pondered for a moment before answering, “I think we can do that, she’s over the worst part and we miss you too.”

I smiled and pecked her lips a few times before we settled into a much needed family nap; when I woke up again Pippa and I were still cuddling on the swing, but we were now covered with a blanket and Y/N was nowhere in sight, I checked the time on my watch to see we had been napping for about an hour and a half, I took a moment to fully see my girl.

She still looked a lot like me, but little by little the resemblance with her mum has come to the surface, especially on the bow of her lips, her long lashes, but also personality wise, like for example how she was now grabbing my shirt to make sure I was there just like her mum did when we slept. This. This was the feeling I always knew I wanted but knew that it was more than I would ever need.

I heard the sliding door open and turned to see my girl coming out with a smile on her face, she sat down next to me and ran a hand down Pip’s back, “So, Jeff and Glenne dropped some dinner for us courtesy of the one and only Shelli Azoff and speedy recovery wishes for the baby”, I moaned a little, “Shelli’s cooking is amazing, I will send her a thank you gift.”

She nodded then pouted while looking at the baby, “I really think we should wake her up, but she looks so comfy and happy”, I smiled, “I believe we should maybe let her rest, it has been quite a few days for her huh?”, Y/N nodded and smiled before she cuddled to me, “Yeah, maybe we should join her in a little snooze?”, I kissed her forehead, “That is an awesome idea my love.”

 April 13, 2022

Indio, California. 4:00 PM

After the hectic start to our California adventure, it seemed that things were already starting to settle. Harry’s first Coachella appearance was looking to be one for the books, the show was spectacular, the band was amazing and above all he was thriving and so happy and I am the proudest girlfriend in the whole world.

Today, Harry had some PR commitments related to his album, Jeff and Mitch tagged along, which left Glenne, Sarah, the babies, and me to rest and enjoy the pool in the house we had rented. So far, we had sunbathed, then we prepared and ate lunch, and we laid down the babies for their naps, while we waited for them to wake up, we decided to just sit and relax.

Glenne turned to look at Sarah and me before speaking up, “Hey have you seen the latest challenge on TikTok?”, we both shook our heads, she sat up straighter and cleared her throat, “So… it is called a ‘Pregnancy Roulette’, and basically you take a pregnancy test and then place them all in a box and once the loading time is over you pull them out to see if there is any positive ones.”

Sarah and I sat there in silence, stunned at what she had just told us, and it suddenly dawned on me why she told us, I started shaking my head, “Glenne…”, she sat up straighter, “Hear me out”, Sarah interrupted, “Wait, what am I missing?”, before Glenne could answer we both turned to look at Sarah and I spoke up, “She wants us to do this challenge.”

Sarah turned to look at Glenne, surprise written all over her face, “You’re joking, right?”, Glenne shook her head, “Come on! It will be fun, and do you really think there is a chance it could be positive?”, Sarah and I turned to look at each other, Sarah then spoke up, “I mean, if you agree with this I will say yes”, I sighed before turning to look back at Glenne, “I cannot believe you convinced us to do this Glenne.”

She squealed and then we made our way to the bathroom on the master bedroom. Glenne then went into her bag to look for some pregnancy tests before we each took a turn at the bathroom. After Glenne, Sarah went into the bathroom, then Sarah came out which then had me going into the bathroom.

When I came out, I dropped the test into the box and turned to look at them, “Glenne this is stupid, why did we agree?”, Sarah nodded her head in agreement with me while Glenne laughed at us before speaking up, “Oh come on girls! It was just for fun, Jeff and I are not actively trying, Sarah you also said that, and you Missy just had a baby, so we can assume it will be negative.”

I nodded and we settled back into her couch while we waited for the timer to stop, Sarah let out a sigh before speaking up, “I am really glad we have this time to be just us three; don’t get me wrong, I love the boys and the babies, but I feel like we have lost our friendship a little with everything that happened, it would be perfect if Gemma was here.”

Glenne and I smiled in agreement before the three of us cuddled into a hug and just sat there until we jumped a little once the timer stopped, Glenne stood up first and we followed, she set up her phone to record, then grabbed the box and we each pulled out a test making sure that the results were not on display.

Glenne turned to look at us with an expectant smile, “On the count of three, yes?”, Sarah and I nodded, “One… two… three”, I took a deep breath and turned the test, letting out a relieved breath I didn’t know I was holding, Sarah was the first to speak, “Negative”, I laughed a little, “Negative.”

However, when we turned to see Glenne, her face was very pale and it seemed she was in shock; Sarah cleared her throat, “Glenne? What’s wrong?”, she waved her hand in front of her face and that seemed to do the trick, when she turned to look at us, she was at loss for words and I spoke up, “Glenne what happened?”, she let out a nervous chuckle while turning the test so we could read the result and told us, “Positive.”

My heart fell to my stomach when I realized what she said, my eyes going wide and out of the corner I could see Sarah cover her mouth, Shit. I stood there frozen while Sarah walked to Glenne to see the test, “This has to be a joke, right?”, Glenne shook her shoulders, “I mean, I don’t know? Shit, what should we do?”, before they could panic more, I snapped out of my trance and cleared my throat while stopping the recording.

“Okay, let’s not panic until we have to, okay?”, they both nodded and I took a deep breath, “Glenne, you need to call Lucy and ask her to buy a new box of tests, if any of us go I can only imagine the havoc it will cause”, the three of us chuckled, “In the meantime the babies will be waking up very soon, so we need to feed them and entertain them until Lucy brings the tests.”

As if they could hear us, there were two distinct cries from the guest rooms at the end of the house, both Sarah and I made our way to the babies while Glenne called Lucy. After settling the babies, we made our way to the garden where I fed Pip while Sarah fed baby boy and we played with them.

 Pippa was laying on her back and we were playing with some of the toys we had brought from home, her smiles had been getting bigger day by day, Sarah reached to gran one of her fingers while holding her baby with her other arm and turned to see me, “Has she started laughing?”

I shook my head while pulling another funny face, “No, we think it will be soon, but she is making us sweat for it”, we laughed a little and turned to the house when we heard the back door open, Glenne was making her way towards us with a bag from CVS in her hands, “So, shall we try this again? asked for two boxes so we each can take two tests.”

Sarah and I nodded, and we grabbed the babies and made our way to the master again; we had agreed that this time we would take the tests and then wait until results came back before the next of us took her tests. Glenne was the first one, and once she finished doing her business, she left the tests to load and sat down on the bed with us, once the timer went off, she walked to the bathroom and retrieved them.

She sighed, “Negative”, Sarah and I let out a little breath of relief but anxiousness at the same time; Sarah then went into the bathroom and repeated the same steps as Glenne and when she came back out of the bathroom she gave me an apprehensive look, “Negative”, Glenne squeezed my hand, and I took a deep breath before nodding and making my way to the bathroom.

My heart was beating out of my chest while I was taking both tests, and once I was done, I decided to wait inside the bathroom until they were done loading; so many questions were tormenting me: how would we do this? Are we ready for another baby? How would Pip react? Yet the only thing I knew for sure was that if the test turned out to be positive, we would love this baby more than anything.

The timer went off and I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, I grabbed the tests and counted to three before opening my eyes, and just as they focused again, I stared at the screens in front of me. A single line in both. Negative. I let out a chuckle and unlocked the bathroom.

Sarah and Glenne turned to look at me as soon as the door opened, I smiled at them and said, “Negative”, the three of us let out a breath we did not know we were holding and then high-fived each other. We made sure to collect all the trash so that we did not raise any suspicions and we made our way downstairs to wait for the men to arrive.

After discarding everything, we settled in the living room, Sarah was the first to speak, “This is the last time we will go through with one of your stupid ideas and challenges Glenne”, I nodded in agreement and she chuckled, “I do admit it was stupid, I’m sorry I put you guys through this.”

I shook my head, “It’s okay, I mean it wasn’t the ideal situation, but we solved it”, Sarah then asked, “Why on Earth did we get a positive?”, I sighed, “Probably it was a default test, they happen sometimes”, Glenne scoffed, “Well, how lucky we are to get the faulty one eh?”, we nodded and laughed.

A few moments later the door unlocked, and the boys let us know they had returned, we let them know we were sitting in the living room and after dropping the dinner they bought in the dining room, they made their way to us. As soon as Pippa saw her dad, she gave him the biggest smile and he pulled her into his arms and started kissing her cheeks, and for a split moment a feeling of sadness filled my heart and I found myself wishing that the test came back positive.

Taglist @adoredeanna @alienorknight @b-reads-things @be-with-me-so-happily @behindmygreyeyes @cherrylovesblog @clarawolf22 @daphnesutton @dayxoxodreamer @dirtytissuebox @futuristicpalacegardenpsychic @goldenlouvr @groovychaosavenue @harrysficreblog @harryspirate @hoya122 @imaginesofdreams @i-got-the-cinema @infinitely-yellow @irelilien @itsgabbysblog @itsgigikay @jgoff717 @kathy522 @kaitieskidmore1 @last-saturday-night @michellekstyles @msolbesg @qualitygiantshoepsychic @sagcas-latte @shawnsblue @sunshinemoonsposts @tinydeskwriter @tinydestinybear @tpwkstyles1d @voosa @watercolorskyy @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry