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bonnymori · 3 years ago

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𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐲

Word count: 2760+ (i'll try to keep bigger lengths such as this one!)

Synopsis: You meet a new classmate who's working along Nanami, you think he's fun to be around, it stands the same to him about you. Later, feelings unravel.

Contents/Warnings: (1) Itadori Yuuji x gn!reader (2) FLUFF, TONS OF FLUFF - and some comfort (3) With the small participation of... Ino Takuma!! I really like him too, that's why <33333 (4) This is pretty platonic, but also not? (5) Ending turned sorta cliché... but I liked it u.u

A/N: This boy made me run rampant... to fhe point it's not single attraction anymore I just wish him happiness (smh if only my parents knew...) also next post will be Toji's fic pt. 2! Y'all see the first part is almost reaching 100 kudos????? I'M SO HAPPY EHSODJWKDKSJD- thanks for all the new followers and the support!! <33

Ever since his fake death, Itadori has been training alone with the help of Gojo - and now, he works along a freshly new face, who belongs to a senior, founds out ex-salaryman named Nanami Kento. He's far a thousand times more strict than Gojo. Itadori doesn't really likes the change, because Nanami is a person he can't get along. This whole guy's appearance scream "work 4 life"; he has proved different, now he screams "work is shit - but I gotta do it because others won't".

They've just finished cleansing the outside of a movie theater off a few curses, when Itadori hears shouting from far behind them. Two figures approach, waving excessively. He quickly picks on Nanami's tired sigh beside him.

"Nanami! We figured out you'd be here! Our mission has been finished and we wanted to catch up to have lunch together!" A male clad in a full black outfit shouts, he has brown hair and a beanie on top of his head, looking quite content.

The other person simply trots next to him in silence, approaching with a friendly smile. They notice Itadori faster than the male, smile widening and quickly waving hello, suddenly eager to reach up to them. The gesture makes the pink haired boy perk up, curious to why the other person looked so joyful. His question is easily answered, when they tug on the man's sleeve and motion to him.

"Ino, we have a third buddy!" The dude looks at him with widened eyes. "So nice to meet you, I'm Y/N L/N! It's great to see new faces around!"

Itadori smiles at your energy, knowing already he would click with you very well.

"I'm Ino Takuma, sorry for not noticing you before! Your uniform looks cool." Itadori exchanges a few compliments with Ino, before the man turns to talk with Nanami, leaving him and you together.

"Yes! I'm Sukuna's vessel, Itadori Yuuji-desu! My type of woman is Jenn-"

You turn to him. "So, are you a first year?"

"Geh? Weren't you dead though?!"

"I was!- I am!- Please keep secret."

"Okay!"

"Ahem." Nanami coughs, drawing attention. "I requested you two to not come after me today. Itadori here is the reason why."

"That's no problem, we're very capable of keeping secrets." You threw your arm over Itadori's shoulder, him nodding along with you.

"Oh really, then remember to keep quiet about it. I'll let this slide." The group of students nervously at Nanami's intimidating tone. "But, I'll get to have my break alone."

"Gah!" Ino exclaimed, watching Nanami walk away; he also left the responsability of taking care of Itadori for you two, leaving without a word. "It really had to be today, when Nanami would take us to his favorite bakery..."

"Crybaby." You teased. "Itadori here can't go outside where anyone can see him, he's dead. So, we were to order food either way because he shouldn't be left out."

"Augh okay, it would be unfair."

"So, where are you staying Itadori?"

"At Gojo's state!"

"Whoa, I've never been there before." Ino commented, waiting as you sent a message to Ijichi to pick them up.

"He's my teacher, a very cool one!"

"I imagine! Ooookay, once we get there I'll get the food."

Itadori felt as his chest would burst of excitement, finally there was people around him again, he couldn't be less happy about it.

"Sharing is caring!"

Itadori laughed as you wrestled with Takuma for some fries, netflix long forgotten in the background, as watching the banter was way more entertaining. Most of the time, Ino rambled a lot about Nanami, while he rambled a lot about Gojo. The guy even showed him the cool scar under his beanie. He felt kinda upset after explaining the exchange was just temporary, his stay under Nanami's wing wasn't decisive, and therefore, he was more like a classmate than a partner.

Itadori also learned a lot about you. He was surprised to find out that you, although energetic, was the one to speak the lesser in conversations. His surprisement grew even bigger when you told him you're a exchange student from Kyoto, arriving Tokyo about the same month as him - thankfully, you were to say for good.

Conversations flowed easily in the air, until a voice from the doorway barged in.

"Yuuji-kun! Don't forget about your lessons! Hi kids! Bye kids!" Gojo said playfully, throwing the familiar punching bear to Itadori before leaving.

"What's this thing?" Ino asked.

"It's to help me control my cursed energy. So while I watch the movies, if I don't charge it with cursed energy it punches me square in the face. I thought I had mastered this thing already, but he insist I keep training with it." Itadori grumbles.

"At least it's cute." You commented, taking a sip of your drink.

"Until it punches you in your face without warning!" The pink haired boy barks.

The talks died down, the three of you eating quietly when another movie is played on the screen. Itadori didn't bother reading the title, it was a plain one about a zombie apocalypse that got him extremely bored, yet he kept watching still so the plushie didn't punch him in the face again; he's been keeping a record since all his last cursed energy training lessons were a sucess to this day. When his head started nodding and eyelids dropping Itadori can't remember well, about fourty five minutes of movie perhaps? Make it fifty, the second slumber took over his body completely.

When he awoke once again, it was near midnight, the clock on the wall told him so. He also noticed a soft and warm surface supporting his head, figures, it's your shoulder he's resting into, he feels an arm around his own shoulders and your cheek placed upon his hair.

"Hey, it's late." You immediately notices he's awake, calling out softly. "You should sleep on your room, or something, better to your spine."

He chuckles when you poke his side. "But I'm comfortable here."

"I'm surprised, you just met me today, and now is sleeping on my shoulder."

"I'm not, that happens often to me."

"Sleeping on people's shoulders?"

"No! Making friends quickly." Itadori likes your gentle warmth, your hug, everything makes him feel at home. "I met two more people before you for two weeks, but they can't see me, because I'm dead."

"So I'll keep you company, that's my new mission."

His eyes widen at that, a oh so little blush covering the tip of his ears.

"For how many time I slept anyway?" He asks.

"About two- no, three hours. You missed two movies, and this one is about to end."

"And you stayed here the whole time?" He motions to your shoulder.

"Yep. That reminds me I gotta pee."

Itadori grumbles, but quickly lifts himself off you, respecting your needs. That gives him some time to look around, he notices Ino is gone, and the plushie sits quietly at the other side of the couch, unmoving.

"Y/N! How did you manage to make it quiet down?" He's beyond bafflet.

"...que."

"What!"

"I said!" You arrive quickly at the doorframe, hands still wet from when you washed them. "I used my innate technique."

"Oh! How is it like?"

"It's kinda funny, gimme a moment." You left to wipe off your hands, coming back in a second. "So, just like Shoko, I produce reverse curse energy, but it's quite different than hers, I can't heal people. That's why we often call it positive energy instead. I can use it to soothe off negative energy, so the bear has no cursed energy right now."

"How does it works on people?" He felt very curious about everything, asking away like a kid.

"Since everyone has negative energy, it just makes you sleepy really. But when it comes to curses it's really practical, I can either weaken it or, if the curse is like grade three or four, I can slap them off existence completely by wiping all their energy." You were naturally proud of having a such versatile power, your own energy swirling with pride around you.

"That sounds amazing! Is it why I fell asleep though?"

"Nah, only if I did it on purpose. I guess you were just tired, hope you don't mind I decided to let you rest today."

"No way, it was a good nap."

You nodded. "By the way, Ino left to attend to a drinking party, he paid for our food."

"Drinking? Is he old?"

"Yeah, he's twenty." You chuckled, already expecting that kind of reaction.

"No way! He looks young just like us!"

"That's totally my reaction after I learned he's twenty!"

After that day, you started visiting Itadori weekly to daily, after exchanging numbers he made a little group with you and Ino, naming it the "Nanami trio". But really, he exchanges more texts with you in private, be them memes, cool images he wish to share, etcetera. Although, Ino wasn't left excluded, he ofter brough his xbox to connect to Itadori's tv room and you all would spend hours playing together; he just didn't spend much time with both of you as much. And that was okay.

For a few days, your connection with Itadori died down when he didn't reply to your texts. They would remain unread for some time, the longest being half a day, until he would spam apologies then move on with the topic. That became a routine until one day when you came over to check on Itadori unnanounced, needin to ease off your worries about the boy, only to find him sobbing in the middle of a hallway, staring ahead and beyond, his back to you.

"Ita-?"

"Egh!" Startled, he scrambled to wipe his eyes, turning to you. "H-hey, um, hi."

"What happened?"

"I- he-" His eyes didn't met yours, knuckles white in a death grip. You notice he has a few bandages thrown over his face and arms. The way his shoulders are drawn, as if he wants to shrink into himself is something you've experienced before.

"Something hard to talk about?"

He nods almost immediately, head still facing down.

"It's alright, come with me." You reach for his hands, grimacing slightly when his forceful grip is now on your hand, yet you don't comment on it. He follows you through the state wordlessly.

You two stop on the same tv room, sitting down on the couch. You then guide his head to your shoulder, gently massaging his scalp with the free hand.

"It's alright."

Those two words are chanted like a prayer for the next half hour, at some point, Itadori twisted his body towards yours and unknowingly caged you between him and the sofa arm. He embraced you with a force you didn't have in you, like he didn't want to lose one another. Painful or not, not a muscle moved on your body. He needed a shoulder to cry on.

Thirty minutes passed like seconds, you peered down only to find the boy confortably napping against your bosom; at some point you just became the cold side of the pillow to him. That's alright. It brings you joy to be the mom friend anyways. So you decided to join the sleepland aswell, arms still secured around his shoulders and the back of his head.

It feels like the nap hasn't been long, though, because you can feel Itadori's grip loosening and therefore, you're awake.

"Sorry if I broke any bones, in advance."

"Wow, and you only warn me now."

He laughs at your comeback, hands still secured around your waist.

"I'm surprised you let me uh, cuddle you for comfort - and sleep. I don't understand it? You just make me sleepy." He rambled, keeping eye contact with you while his head still rests on your chest.

"That's a piece of cake when you have younger siblings who seek for you every night they get a nightmare."

"Does that mean I can come to you again if I have a nightmare?" There it is, his togepi-kirby cutesy face.

"Are you four?"

"That's mean!" Itadori blushed, squeezing you on his arms. "I like the contact. It puts me at ease."

"Mm, do you want to talk about it?"

He gulped. "No, not really."

Your peach haired friend remained silent, and so did you. It seems he doesn't intend in letting you go soon, or he just really forgot to mention it. It gives them time to think, your younger sisted used to do that sometimes, back in Kyoto.

"Y/N, wanna watch anything?"

"Sure, have you watched Parasyte before?"

"No, let's give it a try then!" Itadori glances at the remote, then back at you - making you confused over his hesitation to move. He notices you noticed it, chuckling nervously. "To be honest, I don't wanna let go."

"It's hurting my back."

"SORRY I'M SORRY!" He jumped away from you like a cat would jolt away from a cucumber, making you snicker.

"It's okay, I just wanted to change positions."

And to tease you, but he didn't need to know that part.

He glared at you with a small pout, typing the initials of Parasyte on the search bar. Outside his line of vision, you were grinning like a idiot, his sweeteness took a tow on you. All the people of Tokyo you met really held a way different spirit from your classmates in Kyoto, Itadori being the nicest of all. It's surprising him being Sukuna's vessel to begin with; being honest, you felt drawn by it.

"Y/N, it's startiiiiing." He cut your daydreaming short, slumping on your side and propping his head on your shoulder.

"This again?" You throw an arm around his shoulders, very much like the first time he cuddled himself on you.

"Don't blame me, you're the one who wanted to change positions. Guess I'll just make some alterations since I'm awake this time!" One of his arms went behind your back and circled your waist, hand resting at your hip.

"It's definely different, since the other time you drooled on me."

"Hhgh, okay okay! Let me enjoy this." For perhaps the actual first time, you're able to watch without exchanging words with one another.

And this time, it's you who's head loll to the side, nose buried on his soft rose perfumed hair. Itadori doesn't comment on it yet, his free hand moves under your legs to lift your whole body up efortlessly when he senses you have fallen asleep.

"I remember you said it's bad for my spine, I wouldn't mind it... yours however."

The boy makes a beeline to the guest room, he sighs when there is no choice but open the door with his foot. Inside, he places you carefully in the soft bed.

Before he could leave, a hand reaches up for his sleeve.

"Itadori," He turned, looking at you. "Make me company?"

He giggles softly - you think it sounds like a highschool girl. "You should start calling me by my first name!" Itadori rambles as he climbs on the bed, arms wrapping around your waist in a motion you're familiar with.

"Yuuji, I'm tired, let me sleep."

"But I wanna talk more..." He pouts. "Also, are we, um, dating?"

You wriggle around, bringing his head down to peck on his forehead, teasing. "Correction, I want to date you."

"Uh, oh." A blush coats his face so quickly, you'd say someone dumped a bucket of red paint on his face.

"Is that a no?"

"No!"

"So it is a no."

"Christ, will you stop teasing for a second, I'm trying to talk here." He makes an angry version of his togepi-kirby face, you can't help but grin.

"You amuse me, but okay. I'll do it for you."

"Thanks." He blinks, the blush slowly fading away. "You know, I lied, not about the contact, I like the contact nonetheless-"

His hand moves to play with yours, such as tapping his tips against yours, or meassuring the palms.

"-it's you who brings me comfort."

It's also your turn to blush, that line was seriously charming.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, we're dating now." You respond, a little eagerly. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please."

This is the best person I could ask for, Itadori thinks, keeping his eyes open as yours shut during the kiss, whom I won't change for anything else in this world.

When you both separate, Itadori feels drowsy and sleepy. His face fits perfectly on your shoulder as always.

"Goodnight, my favorite person."

#itadori yuuji x reader #itadori x reader #itadori yuuji fluff #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #jjk fluff #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

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justalokifanaccount · 4 years ago

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Episode 3-Play by Play Reactions (Spoilers)

I’m so excited

Previously on? Oh please like I need a reminder of what I’ve been obsessing over forever

I miss Randy

This reminds me, how did that person know where the timekeepers are? I’d assume only someone of the status of Judge Renslayer would know.

Ooh funky beat

Oh lunch with Sylvie and that one soldier?

I don’t think that’s what a brain freeze is lmao

Oh they’re friends? Or is Sylvie just in her head?

Hmmmmmm

Poor girl

Oh yup

Oop—

I like the opening thing, but I was kinda hopeful that it’d change from episode to episode like wandavision

Lmao not the best security I gotta say

Yo magic don’t work here girly

Oh she just murdered that guy

Nice moves!

Oh that guy is dead too

GET HER LOKI

MY BOY GOT HIS KNIVES

See TVA, this is why guns are nice. You don’t need to engage in hand to hand combat

Yea that’s rude

SYLVIE HURT LOKI? JAIL! JAIL FOR A THOUSAND YEARS!

Rude, Renslayer

Lmao they’re like siblings fighting

Oh that’s fortunate

HAHAHA MAGIC YESSSSSS

Yea she’s not Loki

We got quips

Uh oh lol

Loki what did you do

Ohhhhh the purple realm in the trailers in called Lamentis

Soooo is this termina?

Oh she said watch out to him!

Oh her hair is up in the back. Cute.

Looking out for each other.

Soooo why no likey being called Loki?

Bonding?

No?

Hello?

Hahahahaha she can’t enchant him

What’s her issue?

No that’s not the reason he saved you. He’s just not a murderer like you.

And what’s your plan?

Cmon girl, spill. What’s your background?

Fast pace episode, gotta say.

Sky kinda looks like a painting.

Sylvie, you shut up. Don’t be rude.

“That’s not who I am anymore.” Sooo she WAS one? Sylvie just an alias?

Seems like the theories about them combining lady Loki and Sylvie together are potentially coming true.

Collapse of society? My favorite pastime!

Cmon kids, get along.

Skull kid has to be somewhere around here. (G-get it? Majora’s mask? Anyone? No? Okay...)

Get yeeted

Lmaooo

Oop shape shifting time

Oh this poor lady

Oh lmaoooooooooo

That didn’t go well

Neat weapon.

That sword she has, is that the one Loki later gets?

I hope Sylvie has a good explanation for things...

Ahhhhh the blue outfits. Turtleneck Loki soon???

Lmaoooooooo nice plan loki

Uh oh rich people

Kinda heavy handed line delivery

Lmaoooo teamwork

What’s gonna work? Teeeaaaaamwork

Can’t wait for Loki to throw someone out the window

Lmao he sounds like a robot

TURTLENECK LOKI

Loki is such a pain lol. But she deserves it.

Frigga my Queen

Oh no

Emotions

Please no

Spoiler lmao

What the heck Sylvie lucky

Or not?

What happened to her?

BONDING

WE STAN SUPPORTIVE FRIGGA

Teach Loki that magic!

I wonder how Sylvie’s past was so different than Loki’s? Wouldn’t that make her whole family variants for stepping off the scared timelines path? Why didn’t the TVA act sooner then?

I’m so happy seeing so much more of Loki’s magic.

“Love is hate.”

Loki is such a wonderful pain

Is this flirting???

Of course loki flirts with Loki

Soooo Loki dated?

“Love is mischief then.” “No. Love is... uh something I might have to have another drink to think about.”

We getting Loki drinking and talking about love. Huh.

Oh my gosh is he drunk?

Yep he’s drunk

How does an asgardian get drunk?

Now we have Loki singing in Asgardian

Seems like it’s hitting to close to home for Sylvie mayhaps?

Tom, your theatre kid is showing.

BAHAHAHAHAHHA HE PULLED A THOR OH MY GOSH

Loki dammit. Stop being drunk.

Please please please don’t make Loki a joke. Please. Please. Please. Cmon Loki.

Love?

“Love is a dagger. It’s a weapon to be wielded far away or up close. You can see yourself in it. It’s beautiful. Until it makes you bleed. But ultimately when you reach for it.” “It isn’t real.”

You were close there.

Fight?

Do it!

Please.

Loki can’t just fabricate tickets?

Hey

Did he just break that guys hand lmao

Nice Sylvie. Using your headpiece as a weapon. Copying Ragnarok Loki

Loki missed? Must be cuz he’s drunk.

Aaaaaand Loki was thrown out the window. Why does this keep happening to him? First dark world by Thor.

A little nervous rn with Loki... he seems to be a bit of a joke rn which is what I was afraid of. I hope this is just a little thing and that they’re not trying to make Sylvie better than Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. I mean, you could chalk it up to this Loki being a variant, so maybe there are other things different about him, but that begs to question, at what point does the TVA step in? We saw other Loki variants in that little hologram display in episode two that seemed like those Lokis had done a lot already.

Now now Sylvie, ahem... “LANGUAGE!”

Bragging about hedonism?

Temper tantrum

Cmon therapist Loki

Sober up Loki.

Scene from the trailer I presume.

TVA should step in soon huh? Or is this another apocalypse with no survivors so it doesn’t get picked up on.

Save this world Loki. Trigger the TVA.

Oh. So no trailer scene yet?

Lazy Loki

Cmon Sylvie, teach him! Maybe he can teach you something!

How on earth is Sylvie so different from Loki? I’m so confused.

I hope Loki is able to learn how to do this.

Wait I thought the TVA workers were made.

THEYRE ALL VARIANTS TOO????

BROOOOOOOOO

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

So they’re ALL variants? Soooo, the timekeepers are like running a labor camp? If they have no memories, then what do they think happens when a new worker shows up?

Oh man this is like ragnarok ptsd for Loki if he went through it

Very cool set I gotta say

Also very sad. So many people desperate for their lives.

Major Majora’s Mask vibes

MY BOY HAS SUCH STRONG TELEKINESIS

Tom Hiddleston really said “soooo this is all that Loki CAN do but hasn’t been able to do in the past movies. Soooooo now we’re gonna make him do ALL of it.”

Wait... that’s it????? Why did this feel like the shortest episode so far? I think it was. And the ark was destroyed.

I have so many more questions now, mostly about Sylvie. But also concerns. I really hope they are able to balance series loki with mischievous and clever and silly Loki. And I hope they don’t try to push some kind of female Loki is superior thing (I haven’t gotten that vibe yet, but it’s always a concern for me whenever I see a supposedly gender bent version of a character).

I’m having trouble forming the words for my thoughts. This episode was fun and pretty and intriguing, but probably the weakest for the three so far imo. Not to say it was bad, but it felt kind of like it was amping, then plateaued and then ended. Like we barely got much more information, but more questions and set up but it felt like it ended too quickly. Like more was supposed to happen for this episode but it didn’t.

I hope we can find a way to hear Loki sing in asgardian again, but under less jokey pretenses.

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twoidiotwriters1 · 5 years ago

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Starcrossed Losers X (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: How was your Christmas? Hopefully, it went better than Y/N’s day on this chapter lmao don’t forget to leave feedback! <3

Words: 4,947

Warnings: Injuries and swearing, feelings and stuff.

Previous chapter // Next chapter

Today I’m gonna tell you a little story about how I’m full of shit. Delicately divided into three parts for your enjoyment.

It’s pretty much all the same, the only thing that changes is the person.

Alex.

Josh.

Let’s start with the first part, shall we? Which is called:

Confusion.

Before the nuke, my life was as normal and sad as any random teenager would have it. I was a student with good parents who didn’t really understand me, but they tried. A sibling, friends, likings and feelings. It was the latter what caused me trouble.

Alex and I met in elementary school. He sat down next to me and we shared our undying love for Adventure Time and Treasure Planet. During years our friendship consisted on knowing all of our embarrassing stories, coping our answers on every test and a bunch of firsts. He was there when I got my first period, and I witnessed Alex’s first drunken night with friends.

It was when I talked to Maya that everything kind of started to fall apart.

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My ears are buzzing, I feel my eyes dry and irritated. I know I passed out although I don’t feel like I slept, if anything, I’m more tired than before. I try to push myself up but my wrist hurts and I’m not strong enough. I fall against a thin pillow and only then I look around.

There’s nothing but cages with teens, I recognize some from school. Judging by the smell, we are in Hoyles’ fabric. I was right, this was Baron Triumph’s home.

My hand pulsates as a reminder of how screwed I am.

‘Is it broken or is it just sprained?’ The light sucks in here, I can’t really tell how it looks so I inhale sharply, ‘Okay, then...’

I move my wrist slowly to one side and then the other. I feel pain, lots of pain. But I can move it, so chances are is not broken. As long as I don’t move, I’ll be fine. I struggle to sit with only one hand as support and notice my skates are missing and my knee has a huge bruise on it.

I know I’ll die.

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We were thirteen at the moment. It wasn’t like I knew right away that I liked Alex, I just got slightly upset every time he would hold hands with Amy and sad whenever he would cancel plans to hang out with her. You can imagine how betrayed I felt.

“You’re just jealous,” Maya sighs, laying upside down on my bed.

“Of who?” I ask in amusement, “I already told you, I don’t want a boyfriend.”

“You want Alex.”

I laugh, kicking her leg playfully.

“That’s a lie. And dumb,” I reply matter-of-factly, “he’s just my friend!”

“Exactly. Please, you’re too shy to admit you like him but we all know.”

“Liar,” I sing, “Alex and Amy are cute together and all, just annoys me that he doesn’t want to spend more time with us.”

“That doesn’t sound like you’re crushing at all,” She rolls her eyes, smirking.

“Shut up!” I complain, “that doesn’t mean I like him!”

It didn’t... right? I started to recapitulate all of our time together. Alex was a great boy. He was good to me and my family loved him, why was so weird to consider him as a possible love interest? Maybe Maya was right. I did like him and this was my way cope with it.

“Maya,” I say under my breath, “what if I do like him?”

“Oh my god,” She stands up abruptly, “you do!”

“What do I do?” I ask in horror, “I don’t wanna ruin it! He’s my best friend!”

“Who cares?” She replies, “It’s time you do something about it!”

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Something falls inside the bucket in front of me and I stand (with huge difficulty, since I only have one good hand and knee), when I get closer and grab a handful the smell grows stronger, so I drop the flakes on the ground in disgust.

“Am I supposed to eat this?” I ask out loud, “I’ll rather starve”

“You will,” Says a voice above me, “don’t be dramatic, Y/N. Eat up.”

I feel something close to panic when I recognize the voice.

“Maya?”

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After that I tried to understand what the fuck was going on. I couldn’t do anything until I knew my feelings for Alex.

You know how that turned out.

Nothing made sense, what was our friendship but something magical brought to me in order to end up with true romantic love, right? Well, I had opinions on that.

Our friendship was old as hell, Alex was constantly changing partners so you can tell why I was so against dating him. I decided that if my first love was going to hurt me, it would be anyone but Alex murphy.

Which takes us to the second part that I call:

That definitely isn’t love.

Let me tell you something, and I don’t mean to say this in order to make you sad, I do it so you’re not scared of going through the same thing (if you ever find yourself in a situation like this) and you can handle the shit like a champ.

Life will go on. Seriously, it hurts and oh, how tragic it is to lose someone so dear to your heart! But really, things like that will pass, and you’ll get through and life won’t even stop its course. You wanna know why? Cause it’s all so small, our tiny little lives won’t affect how the world moves outside our houses.

I know, that may sound awful, but to be honest, it’s also relieving. No matter how many mistakes you can make in your life, it won’t stop moving. That’s great, it means you won’t stop growing, you’ll get out of that hole sooner or later.

The feeling I got from that simple, chaste kiss with Alex confused my brain and got me all kinds of anxious about nothing. The only way I felt was guilty. I wanted to erase that moment from existence.

Okay, it was my fault too. I kissed him back, I didn’t know that was wrong until it was done! I told you already, I was confused as hell.

I had to quietly make my way out and go back to the way it used to be.

Then he broke up with Stuart and started to ask me if I wanted to go back to the old routine of watching movies together, or going to the mall only the two of us, just skipping school to spend time together... I happily accepted, thinking it was all platonic. The apocalypse came on the worst timing, we were part of a group that day by day became smaller until it was only the two of us.

I wanted to find my sister so badly that I left the thought aside to work with him as a team, then he had to ask me to leave town with him, start a new life together... Alex was holding on to an illusion that I knew it was bound to fail, so I put a hard stop to it. One that ended our friendship as well.

And that’s the reason why I ran away from him. My feelings couldn’t be reciprocated if I wanted to survive on this hell.

Sacrifices must be made when you’re facing the end of the world.

Then something amazing happened: I lived. I created a new life on my own, where I could do things my way and didn’t need any other person around. With the new life, my old wishes vanished, and so did my feelings for Alex, or anyone else who belonged with old, naive Vinchi.

------------------------------------------

Which brings me to the present, where I’m on big denial about one little thing: I may not be the same girl, but I still have the same heart, along with the same feelings, memories, and grudges.

“You still won’t talk to me?”

“You still trying after three hours of ignoring you?” I scoff, “leave me alone, Maya.”

“You’re acting like a child! I thought you understood why I left you and Alex to join the Cheeramazons”

“I understand that we weren’t important to you in the first place,” I reply bitterly.

“God, Y/N. It’s not like I did it to get away from you. I wanted protection and to learn some badass skills. The Cheeramazons offered both and to be honest, it was worth it.”

“If they were so good at protecting their people, then why are you here?”

“I went out looking for adventure. You know me, I was never one to enjoy routines.”

“Sure.”

“You’re on your own?”

“On this cage? Yeah... In general? Well, I’m with some kids... remember Wesley Fists?”

“What?” I hear her snicker, “How did you two end up together?”

“It’s a long story... all Josh’s fault.”

“Little Josh with the big truck?”

“Uh, no. Wheeler. I did a project with him once, you know? He used to wave at me in the halls whenever we passed by..?”

“I don’t remember him at all.”

“I figured,” I sigh, “Where are you anyway?”

“Judging by where your voice sounds... I think I’m above your cage”

“Well, don’t get too attached to the sound of my voice, I’ll be out of here soon”

“Why, you’re actually planning on starving?” She inquires, “Did your brain turn Ghoulie?”

“Look, I have a sprained wrist and a swollen knee, I’m not going anywhere on my own... but I have a backup. If Josh and Wesley weren’t caught...”

“What happened with Alex? Is he with you too?”

“None of your business, quitter.”

“Come on, Y/N...”

“You left us. I’m not engaging in any fun chats with you. You weren’t that interest to be a part of our group since the beginning so I don’t even know why I’m mad about it, it was a matter of time”

I know I sound too hard. She was supposed to be my friend, though. Never looked back when she got bored from our little group like it was all child’s play. Now she acts like it’s all cool? Nothing is cool. Nothing at all. I’m about to get eaten!

“Look, I’m sorry-”

“Shut up”

“Don’t be rude, I’m trying to-”

“Shut up! Can you hear that?” I lean closer to the cage’s door and stay silent, Maya following my advice and listening to the hurried steps coming from the hall.

“You know where the keys are?” A voice that I know well emerges from the dark, “Where are we going?”

“Josh?” I stand up surprisingly fast, “Is that you?”

“Y/N!” I hear him rushing towards me and suddenly his face is inches away from mine, barely illuminated, “You’re here! I only saw Wesley when I woke up and I thought you were taken by the Jocks”

“How did you get out of your cage?” I ask with incredulity, “Who are you talking to if it’s not Wesley?”

“A girl got me out, I drop my tweezers and she found them”

“Then get me out!”

“I can’t, they’re broken,” He apologizes, “but I’m going to get the keys and I’ll get you out, I promise.”

“On your own? You’re gonna get killed”

“Triumph just left, I have time,” He points at my leg, “How’s your knee?”

“It hurts. I also hurt my wrist but I don’t know if that happened after the grenade or when I fell,” I wanna act like I’m not scared, but my anxiety is eating me alive, “Josh please don’t go alone, please don’t do it”

“I’ll come back,” He insists, “but if I don’t, I wanna tell you... you became someone important to me, Y/N. Please don’t blame yourself if things go wrong, it was my turn to help you, I owe it to you.”

And without giving me time to reply, Josh leaves.

“Josh Wheeler,” Maya speaks up again, “I remember him now. Blue eyes and a funny smile, right?”

“Yeah,” I frown, still looking at the hall where he disappeared “that’s my stupid Josh.”

“Your Josh?” She asks in a suggestive voice, “alright, I get it now.”

“You get what?”

“He’s your new Alex. I bet you’re always doing nice things to keep him in a good mood and he never gives back cause well, he doesn’t have to. Why would he? When you keep on giving things away for free. See, that’s the sort of stuff the Cheeramazons teach you to throw away, you don’t need boys to survive,” She states.

“He is not Alex,” I correct in irritation, “and I learned that on my own, thank you. It’s funny, you forgot to mention that I also did a lot of things to keep you happy.”

“Is that supposed to help your case?” She sighs, “I know you’re hurt for what I did to you but you won’t stop having your heart broken if you keep doing the same things”

“Joke’s on you, I already fixed that shit up,” I keep my eyes fixed on the hall, “Josh is just a friend.”

You and I know that isn’t true. Yet, is not a lie either.

Josh is just a friend, I have it under control. All I need is to keep it to myself, no accidental kissing or falling into each other’s arms anymore. I don’t have feelings fighting to come out. I’m not thinking about how Josh said I was important to him.

Which takes us to part three:

Why don’t you just kick me in the face? It hurts less, thank you.

Ah, the pleasure it brings us to finally be free from inner guilt.

This part doesn’t have a flashback, cause you already read this part. I told Josh the story. Alex and I weren’t right together so I let him go. It hurt like a bitch but now he’s far away and I can be at peace now. I control my life.

How? For starters, if I meet a cute, nice guy like Josh, I step back and stay as friends and Boom! Problem solved. I figured my life out, I have nothing to be afraid of. I conquered.

...

You know I’m lying, don’t you?

You know what, there’s no way I’ll get myself out of this. I’ll let the action roll.

“I think your buddy Josh got eaten by Triumph,” Maya mentions like she’s talking about the weather, “it’s time you accept it.”

“Honestly, it’s time you stop talking,” I reply with indifference, “you don’t know him”

“And I never will,” She snorts.

I’m about to reply when I hear screams coming from the entrance and I finally see Josh sprinting back towards the cages. Triumph is following him, when he gets closer I realize is not Hoyles.

“Principal Burr?” I inquire in mild disappointment, but calmer than before “okay then, Josh can totally survive to that”

“Don’t be so sure about it, Vinchi,” Maya adds, “Burr is not a common human anymore.”

“Shhh! I can’t hear what they’re saying!”

Josh is trying to convince the principal to let us go, he walks towards the tubes in the middle of the fabric and I can’t see what’s going on. Burr is not touched by the speech, he says he didn’t kill Sam, and my heart skips a beat.

“Sam Dean?” Maya asks above me, “she’s dead?”

“It happened two days ago,” I whisper, “that’s the whole reason why we came, cause Josh wanted to avenge her death...”

“Why would he do that?”

“He was dating her.”

“Oh,” A second of silence, “really? Him?”

“He’s not that bad,” I retort immediately.

“Sure, whatever you say...” She mumbles.

I say something under my breath that is mostly an insult, then an idea comes to mind.

“Maya, you can see what’s happening?”

“Kinda”

“Where are they?”

“Inside the big tubes...”

She narrates the whole thing while I also half-listen to the argument they’re having. She stops for what it feels like an eternity and the kids around us start to scream.

“Kill him!”

“He’s gonna do it,” Maya murmurs.

And I don’t know what to feel, cause I never thought Josh would get this close to his goal. Although now it’s different, Burr didn’t kill Sam. Would he kill him anyway? I’m not defending Burr, by the way! He still ate a bunch of kids. Just saying that If he does this, he will certainly disappoint Wesley.

He would be saving tons of children, though. In my opinion, he could cut him in half and still be a good person.

I hear Josh scream and the sound of his sword against metal.

“Holy shit, is he dead?” I ask.

“I don’t... I can’t tell- he’s moving a lot...” Maya complains.

A few others seconds of silence, then Burr’s voice.

“You missed.”

“Holy shit, he’s alive,” I gasp.

And with that, I mean both of them.

“No. I didn’t,” Josh replies.

The machinery starts to work all of a sudden and I feel my stomach tensing with fear.

What are they doing?

“Where are they?” I ask urgently, “Tell me!”

But just as I finish the sentence I hear steps... and the sound of keys being shaken in the air.

“He got the keys!” Maya screams excitedly, “The son of a bitch did it! We’re free!”

“What about Burr?” I question.

“He locked him up inside the tubes!”

The sound of chains falling and doors clicking is like music to my ears. I hear Maya running out of her cage only to see her appearing in front of me with a wild smile on her face. She hasn’t changed that much, her hair is shorter and her clothes are not the same, but she’s still the hyperactive girl I used to know.

“Good to see you, Vinchi.”

“Hi,” I reply, “be good and get me out of here”

She calls over to the kid that is opening cage by cage and I’m finally free. Maya gives me a tight hug that I return unsure.

“This is great! You can come with me now, become a Cheeramazon!”

“What?” I pull away.

“I can see you’ve toughened up these last few months, they’ll definitely take you in!”

“I don’t want to be a Cheeramazon,” I frown.

I’m still barefoot, but I’m hoping I can find something to wear before I leave.

“Y/N it’s the best choice,” She replies, “come on, we can be part of the same tribe just like before! You and I, the classic duo we used to be...”

“I’m tired of old times,” I answer, “I'm a different person. I don’t do duos anymore.”

“Vinchi...” She pouts.

There, another friendship that dies.

Maybe I could’ve tried to convince her to go with me instead. However, I never got to finish that conversation, cause right at that moment, I heard Josh’s voice.

“Y/N?” He asks loudly, “Y/N, where are you?”

“Josh!” I limp as fast as I can towards his voice, “Josh, I’m right here!”

“Y/N?!” His voice gets clearer as I walk further into the mass, “Where are you?!”

He’s standing right in front of me, a few feet ahead. I run over to him, ignoring the way my knee feels about it. Josh turns around just in time to catch me when I jump in for a hug.

“I’m with you!” I say breathless, trying to keep my wrist away from any harm, softly supported around his neck, “You did it! You saved us!”

“I promised, didn’t I?” His smile is as big as mine, and we’re so close I can see the freckles the sun has left on the bridge of his nose.

He pulls away and turns slightly, pointing at something hanging from his hip.

“I saw them out there...” I look down and I see my skates, all clean and looking good as new, “thought you might want them back”

“What the hell?” I exclaim, “You’re the best!”

Impulsive as usual, I go for another hug, this time kissing his cheek in the process. When I notice my mistake I pull back but Josh keeps me in place, now I’m self-conscious and probably all red.

“Am I a shitty partner still?” He smirks.

Someone accidentally hits my hand and I whimper, hugging it tightly against my chest.

“Crap, I forgot...”

Josh’s smile vanishes immediately changing to a worried expression.

“Let’s go back to the mall, you need help”

“And I’m starving”

Josh chuckles, nodding.

“And will get you something to eat”

He gives me the skates and I hold them with my good hand, walking towards the exit.

I start to feel a bit hopeful about what the future could bring to us, Josh and me. I can’t lie to myself after this, you saw the whole thing, right? It’s obvious. Josh is not my new Alex for one simple reason: I don’t have a crush on Alex anymore.

I am, however, totally crushing on stupid Josh.

Just when I decide to come into terms with my new realization, it happens:

Someone walks in front of me and immediately catches my eye. How couldn’t, when I thought I would never see that back again for the rest of my life?

“Alex..?”

I drop my skates, an urgent need to run away as far as I can winning over my common sense. This can’t be happening, this can’t be Alex. He's gone. He’s supposed to be away in New York living his best life or something.

But the boy turns around and it’s the same eyes I’ve known since I was a kid.

“Y/N?” He’s not totally glad to see me. The frown on his face tells me he is just as stunned as me, few terrible seconds pass where we don’t know what to do.

Josh is the one who talks first.

“Hold on,” He turns to me, “is he..?”

“An old friend from Highschool, yes,” I look at him with wide eyes, pleading ‘Keep your mouth shut!’ “like Maya.”

“Maya’s also here?” He asks loudly, and since I’m the luckiest girl alive, Maya is nearby to hear us.

“That’s me,” She sees the boy in front of us, “oh my god, Alex?”

“Maya?” Alex’s eyes light up, “You’re okay!”

“How did you end up here?!” She walks up to him and gives him a tight hug.

“Uh, Y/N,” Josh whispers beside me, “What is happening?”

“I think I died when that grenade exploded,” I respond overwhelmed.

“I came back like a month ago,” Alex replies, hugging her with the same animosity, then he looks right at me, “I left some unfinished business behind.”

Oh, that’s great. First, everyone leaves and now they all want to make up for it. To go back and be the best friends we used to be. Well, I’m sorry I think I lost the part where that was my problem.

“We can help you!” Maya assures him, completely misunderstanding his comment, “Vinchi and I, like the good old days”

“Vinchi?” Josh questions.

“Y/N,” Maya looks at him with a judgy expression, “you’re her friend but you don’t know her nickname?”

“No one calls me that,” I cross my arms, wincing after accidentally pulling the muscle in my wrist, “not anymore, at least. I never told him.”

“But you love it,” She frowns, “everyone calls you that.”

“Everyone who used to call me that is gone,” I say, “you two are the only ones left and I’m kindly asking you to not include me on your mission. I have to go back to my friends.”

“We are your friends, Y/N” Alex replies.

“I meant my most recent friends,” I pick up the skates from the floor and nudge Josh, “let’s go, Angelica must be worried.”

“Y/N, are you sure?” Josh asks under his breath. When I don’t reply, he grabs me by the shoulder and turns my body to face him, “listen I know you feel like you have to stay because I told you we needed you, but you’re free to go with them if you want. They’re your best friends after all and I know Alex... I know how hard it was on you to be alone.”

I can’t tell exactly what he’s thinking right now and that frustrates me. His expression tells me he’s hurt, I just don’t know if it is because he thinks I’m seconds away from leaving or because he’s nervous that I’ll blame him if I stay.

“I don’t want to go, Josh,” I reach for his hand with the one that is holding my skates and brush it lightly, “I tried to leave before and something always stopped me from doing so. That has to mean something, I feel like my place is at the mall with all of you.”

“Y/N?” Maya speaks up, “You’re coming?”

“No,” I turn to face her, “I’m going with Josh.”

“Josh?” Alex looks at the boy next to me but he doesn’t seem to understand that I’m talking about him, “gay Josh or other gay Josh?”

“My Josh,” I point to my friend, “just... Josh.”

“Alright then,” Maya scoffs, “then we go too.”

“What?” I ask in alarm.

“Josh was telling the rest of the kids to follow him,” She smirks, “I hope you don’t mind, Vinchi.”

“Really?” I look at Josh, clenching my jaw. I’m unable to crush his arm with my hand since it’s injured and the other is occupied. He tries to apologize without speaking, but puppy eyes won’t work on me today, “We better get going then”

“Yeah,” He looks at me, begging for forgiveness, “we should... uh- your hand needs to...”

“Just move,” I grumble, walking past Alex and Maya with Josh calling out Wesley’s name to join us.

Full of shit I am, cause during all the way back I avoid looking over to Alex and Maya, despite saying I was over my past.

I’m full of shit when Josh asks me if I need help and I tell him no, even though I’m barefoot and I keep stepping on rocks on accident cause it’s too dark outside. Without mentioning I just admitted to myself that I’m crushing on him and now I don’t know what will I do to keep it a secret when Angelica looks for any excuse and watches me closely to see if she’s right.

And Josh? Well, he avenged Sam’s death... kinda. I don’t know if that’s enough to calm his nerves or if he’ll keep going until he’s done killing every bad guy on Glendale, which are too many to count. I don’t even know if he’s interested in me the same way I am.

What am I saying? Of course he’s not! He spent six months of his life on this goose chase and I’m expecting that suddenly he feels something for me just because I saved his life once? Ugh, I'm not even sure if I’ll actually stay permanently at the mall...

“Hey! We’re home!” Josh exclaims as soon as we step inside the mall, “So I brought some friends... Cool if they crash here?”

“Fuck to the no!” I’m surprised to see Eli outside of his side of the mall, “How many times do I gotta say-?”

Angelica puts a taser against his neck and electrocutes him on the spot, pushing him so he falls flat on the ground.

“Yeah. It’s cool, I guess” She replies.

“Angelica!” I blurt out, walking towards Eli, “Don’t do that ever again!”

She ignores me, already rushing over to Josh and Wesley to receive them with a hug and excitedly welcome the kids that surround her. I’m happy for her, this must be nice considering how she spent most of her life alone.

“Your hand is bad,” Crumble states, kneeling beside me, “worms won’t fix it”

“I know,” I sigh, turning Eli face-up with my good hand and Crumble’s help, “I’ll fix it, don’t worry”

“Let me do it,” Alex crouches down and carries Eli to the bench behind us, laying him there.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

“It’s alright,” I can see by the corner of my eye that he’s looking at me, “listen, I came here to apologize. Things shouldn’t have ended that way between us. We were best friends...”

“Yeah, we were,” I punctuate, “you don’t have to be sorry. I’ve changed, I don’t need your words, I have a new life.”

“I see,” He looks away for a moment, his eyes finding Josh and Wesley, “How did you end up forming a group with them?”

“Accidents happen,” I shrug, “Josh brought me here. To be honest, I was doing fine on my own but I... I don’t know, I like it here.”

“I see that too,” He smiles, but it has a bitter undertone in it, “don’t worry. I’ll leave again tomorrow.”

“Stay,” I sigh in defeat, “it would be selfish to ask you otherwise, the mall belongs to all of us”

“You’re okay with that?” He frowns.

“Do it for the good old days,” I give him a small smile, “What’d you say?”

“It’s fine by me,” He nods, smiling back.

I don’t know how to end the conversation and I don’t have to think a lot about it, because Josh soon appears holding a stack of bandages.

“Hi,” He smiles openly at us and points to what he’s holding, “time to take care of you”

“Okay,” I raise my eyebrows, “sure...”

“See you later Y/N,” Says Alex, then he nods to Josh, “Wheeler...”

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @hollywaterpls

#twoidiots writing #josh wheeler #josh wheeler xreader #daybreak fanfic #wesley fists #eli cardashyan #angelica green #ms crumble #daybreak #netflix

46 notes · View notes

writingjourney · 6 years ago

Text

The Perfect Man (Scott Lang x reader)

Part 3/3

Summary: You’re in love with your best friend, but trying to get over him by going on dates isn’t very promising…

Pairing: Scott Lang x reader

A/N: The ending, hope you like it <3

Word count: 1.618

(Y/N) = your name

Warnings: fluff, weird guy from tinder, Scott being Scott

(Masterlist) - Part 1 - Part 2

Your POV

You sat on the bench in silence. Of course Scott had picked up his phone, of course he would come and get you. If he had to, he would put on his ridiculous but damn hot suit, grow the size of a bear and punch Josh in the face.

Why was he so perfect? Why did he make it so hard not to love him?

You were so lost in thought that you hadn't noticed his car pulling up after a bit over ten minutes and only realized Scott was there when he was walking towards you. When you saw his worried expression, you couldn't help but cry again. Scott wrapped his arms around you and held you for a moment.

"Are you hurt?" he asked close to your ear.

You shook your head. "Nah."

"Did he touch you?"

You gulped down your tears to answer him. "Well, kind of, my thigh, but that was when I left."

Scott swallowed visibly but apparently decided against going after Josh. Instead he hugged you tighter until you had calmed down. "Come on, let's go home," he said then and you followed him to the car, embarrassed but glad.

During the ride, you just stared out the window to calm down. You tried to ignore Scott's worried glances that only made it worse. He really had no clue and that made him even more lovable in your eyes, he did all of this for you without even knowing the extent of your feelings for him. From today on you wouldn't go on dates anymore, not because of your bet from a few days ago but because you couldn't stand it anymore. Scott deserved to know.

When you got home, you threw your purse away, got out of your uncomfortable shoes and tried to open the sipper of your dress, but you fiddled and didn't reach it and eventually let out an annoyed grunt.

"Wait," Scott said and moved behind you to open it.

You turned around to look at him, heart beating faster and he seemed unusually serious, but before you could say anything, the doorbell rang. You were both surprised and Scott let out a nervous chuckle.

"That should be the food I ordered..." he said and you went to your bedroom while he opened up, getting rid of the dress. You put on some leggings and found one of Scott's hoodies - it was the one you had gifted him way back when he became Ant-Man. It had the Avengers logo on it and he had been so happy. It also reminded you on why it was in your bedroom in the first place. You and Scott had watched a movie here some weeks ago. That night you had fallen asleep and then woken up in his arms the next morning. You had never talked about that incident but it was your favorite memory lately.

You walked back into the living room, noticing that Scott had really got a shit ton of Chinese take out food that was now on your coffee table.

"You ordered my favorite as well? But you didn't even know I'd be here," you said, inspecting the boxes.

"I thought you might come home earlier and... still be hungry, you know..."

You plopped down next to him on the couch, still awkwardly avoiding the actual issue. "Yea, the food was... pretty terrible. You were right about that, too."

"You looked incredibly in that dress, by the way," Scott said. "But you look even better in that hoodie, well... my hoodie."

A smile crept onto your face and Scott mirrored it. He was the only one able to cheer you up like that. But that was part of the problem. It couldn't go on like this, he just had to know, because now you knew it wouldn't go away.

"Scott, I need to tell you something," you started.

The man looked at you as if you had proclaimed the apocalypse. "Oh... Okay..."

You took a deep breath, looking into his expectant face while your heart beat mercilessly, almost painfully, as you tried to form words. "The truth is... that I love you, Scott. And I've been going on these dates to get over my feelings for you, not because I actually wanted to meet these men. God, I've been in love with you ever since I know you, but since you live here, it got completely out of hand. I just had to try to get you out of my head somehow... I'm so silly and naive, I know you still love Hope, but I just can't help it. I probably ruined everything now by telling you this and you might want to leave," you rambled on, but the more you talked, the more tears came and at some point, you were fully crying. Scott wrapped his arms around you out of reflex and pulled you close. You clung to him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. "I can't lose you, Scott."

"You won't, pumpkin," he mumbled, still holding you close and it was as if not having to look into your face loosened his tongue. "And you really are silly because apparently you have no idea what you mean to me. Picking you up after all these disappointing dates broke my heart but what was worse was sitting here, waiting for you to come home, not knowing if I should hope that you called me with this sad tone in your voice or that you finally found someone even if it wasn't me. Luis opened my eyes today and I wanted to keep you from going out not because I wanted to ruin your night but because I wanted to tell you that I love you."

You loosened your grip on him and looked into his eyes in disbelief.

"Because I do..." he went on quietly. "Love you, I mean."

"But what about Hope?" you asked.

He narrowed his eyes in confusion. "I don't know what you mean, we broke up a year ago and now we're just friends, you know that..."

"I overheard a conversation a few weeks ago and you said... you said you didn't think you could ever get over her," you explained, swallowing hard.

"What exactly did I say?" he asked. "Did I say her name?"

"No, it was... 'I don't think I can ever get over her' or something like that. You sounded really sad and I figured you were still heartbroken. I mean you see her all the time."

Scott sighed. "Yea I was heartbroken, but I wasn't talking about Hope, (Y/N), I was talking about you. I was so scared of losing your friendship if I ever told you, because I really can't be without you. But you don't even see it, you think you don't deserve love, but you're so smart and funny and beautiful and kind and you keep up with all my bullshit, not once letting me down. You're amazing with Cassie who adores you almost as much as I do and you were there for me when no one else was. I trust you with my life, with this whole superhero thing. How can you not see that I love you?"

This unusual outburst caught you by surprise, but his face was as serious as never before. In the silence that followed, you became painfully aware that his arm was still wrapped around you and your face was close to his. You carefully lifted your hand and cupped his cheek, feeling his soft but slightly stubbly skin while your eyes never left his. Scott visibly swallowed and you inched even closer until, finally, you could press your lips to his. It was a test, to see what it would feel like, and you realized that this was a completely new sensation. You deepened the kiss as Scott pulled you closer to his body, his hands on your hips. He felt familiar and new at the same time.

After a few minutes, Scott broke away. "One more thing," he said.

"What?" you asked, concerned that he had changed his mind.

"Before I completely lose myself, there is something I wanted to ask you," he explained and a smile spread out on his face. "The company is doing quite well now and I thought I'd try to bid on this nice little house... and turns out that I got it. I thought that maybe, well, you'd like to move in there with me. I know, I know we've only lived together for a few months, but I know that you hate this apartment and I really don't want to live without you, especially not now that this finally happened, and I'm sure Maggie would allow Cassie to come over more often if we lived there and you were there too to take care of her as well and..."

"Scott," you interrupted him with a smile. "I'd love that."

"Thank God," he mumbled. "You know I've been meaning to ask you since before I knew you loved me too and I was scared you'd think I'm a total weirdo."

You ran your hand over his chest. "Well, I will always think that, but you're just the amount of weird I can handle."

"Gee, thanks," Scott said with a playful eye-roll, but then smiled, bringing his hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "God, you're so beautiful."

You grinned and kissed him again, snuggling closer to his side. Scott held you tight. To feel his arms around you brought the comfort you had needed and you couldn't believe that this evening had a happy ending after all.

#scott lang x reader #scott lang #scott lang imagine #scott lang x you #ant-man imagine #ant-man #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #avengers x y/n #Avengers

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yellowmagicalgirl · 5 years ago

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Juliet Dies in This Chapter Four: Denial

Is it forgetting, or is it choosing not to remember?

This chapter takes place after a time skip; said time skip is a minimum of three months. 3Below and Wizards happened already in this chapter; 3Below was largely the same as canon; IDK what canon Wizards will be like so I can't say.

Just as a brief warning, there is a scene that alludes to an eating disorder or at least diet culture. You can skip this scene by skipping over the paragraph that begins with "Mary shoved her".

Also, as a warning, so far this is the only chapter that has made me cry.

Here's the solution to the math problem.

AO3

FFN

(x^2 – 2x – 24)/(2x^4 – 5x^3 + 3x^2) ≥ 0

Mary glared at the math equation. She had survived multiple apocalypses – troll, alien, wizardly mashups – and yet she still had to do math. In the past, math got harder, but it didn’t get harder this fast. Couldn’t Miss Janeth show mercy?

Perhaps the fact that her students had survived the end of the world multiple times made Miss Janeth think that her students could handle more. No, they couldn’t, that was a terrible thing to think.

Mary groaned. She had done the equation three times now, and she still didn’t have the answer in the back of the book. Miss Janeth always checked to see if all the work had been shown, despite her students living in an age in which they would always have a calculator. Then again, Mary wasn’t sure if this sort of math could be easily solved with the calculator she had on her phone.

Right now would be a good time for her to have a boyfriend she could text for help, assuming she hadn’t made the mistake of picking a super dumb jock. But no, she had figured out that she wasn’t into dudes over the summer, and she wasn’t going back in the closet just for homework.

Texting in general, though…

Mary picked up her phone; maybe Darci would be able to help.

Wait. No.

No, Darci was too busy throwing a baton at the football game.

Claire, on the other hand, might have free time. Might, unless she was out with Toby and Jim trying to pulverize a goblin or something. Still, she was more likely to be available right now, at least when compared to Darci.

Mary snapped the homework problem and added the caption, “You know how to solve this?”

The fact that she had to scroll for so long to get to Claire felt odd. How had she let their streak die?

She waited, replying to the snaps and messages from Darci, Shannon, Aja, Shannon’s girlfriend whose name Mary couldn’t remember at the moment because her username wasn’t based on her real name, Krel, and Eli. Why did she even have Eli’s SnapChat? When did she befriend him?

Oh, well. At least she was getting cool snaps from Akiridion-V.

She checked to see if Claire had responded – she hadn’t – and watched her friends’ stories. Maybe one of them had posted a solution?

None of them had. Not even Krel, and he liked math. Also, if Claire was fighting goblins or anything then she was doing so alone. Toby and Jim were at the football game, making fun of how Douxie’s hair clashed with the Academy’s marching band uniform

Mary glanced at her math homework. She didn’t want to post anything about her being unable to do her Pre-Calc homework to her story. Let her followers see her flaws? That was something she didn’t want to get out. She didn’t want to post it to the Defenders of Arcadia group chat, either – neither the meme chat nor the legit chat. Heck, the only reason she was allowed in the legit chat was because she was able to get messages to everyone in Arcadia Oaks. Everyone else was able to fight, and more importantly they chose to fight. Mary? She didn’t want to be in the middle of the fighting and lose an eye like Darci had.

Mary opened her regular camera app and took a picture of the problem. She then opened her texting app, and after ten seconds of fruitlessly scrolling through her messages to find the last one from Claire she pressed the “C” on the right-hand side of her screen. She selected Claire’s photo, attached the photo to the message, and captioned it, “Help, please?”

She couldn’t remember what app Claire preferred to contact her on, since they hadn’t texted or snapped in a long time. All summer, and then some.

Mary shoved her phone in her pocket and walked to her kitchen. There was a box of low-calorie, low-fat, low-sugar, guilt-free cookies; she grabbed two and began to eat them. Slowly, in case she later decided that two was too many.

Mary sighed as she walked back to her room and sat in her desk chair. Claire still hadn’t responded. Time to pull out the big guns. Worst came to worst, Claire was fighting or eating dinner or something, and she’d tell Mary that she’d call her back. Or maybe NotEnrique would pick up, but still. He’d let Claire know that she had called. Probably. There was a reason why she wasn’t calling the little gremlin and having him go get Claire for her. Anyways, the fact that Mary was calling and not texting or snapping or whatever form of instant-messaging they were doing these days would be something Claire would consider urgent. She unlocked her phone, her finger traveling to the upper right-hand corner.

Her finger was hovering right over the call button when Mary remembered why Claire wasn’t responding. Why Claire couldn’t respond. Not now, not ever again.

Mary set her phone on her desk, face-down.

Dammit.

Mary was a terrible friend. A terrible person. How could she? How could she have forgotten? How had she forgotten that her best friend since first grade was dead, had been dead for months?

She stared straight ahead for a moment, face blank as her eyes began to moisten. Her jaw started to tremble. The trembling slowed as Mary pulled her lips from her teeth in something akin to a snarl. The muscles in her jaw tensed into an ugly thing she would never let anyone else see. Then the trembling transferred itself to her shoulders. The tension released from her lips and jaw, and they once again began to tremble, with almost the same frequency as the rest of her body. A wet gasp broke free, and then a cry. Mary curled in on herself as more sobs burst out of her. Some of them were loud, and some were hiccupping as she struggled to breathe. She grabbed her hair and pulled at it, not enough to damage it but enough to hurt.

All of them were things she would never let anyone else see.

It was good that she had the house to herself. No one was there to see her utterly break down.

Mary went to the bathroom and was once again reminded that she needed to go buy waterproof mascara and eyeliner. She had run out, and now her cheeks were smudged with black streaks. She grabbed a microfiber cloth, wet it, and ran it against her face. It was soothing, compared to the warmness of her skin. After a few moments, her plain face stared back at her. Without the concealer she had been wearing, it was even more red from her crying.

Mary went back to her room; maybe she could ask Krel for help? He knew math, both the Earth math she was studying and Akiridion math.

Or she could try again, or even look to see if someone had posted a guide online. She didn’t want to talk to anyone right now; she just wanted to finish this problem and watch a movie that wouldn’t remind her too much of the dead girl she had been friends with since kindergarten.

x ≤ -4 U 1 ≤ x ≤ 3/2 U x ≥ 3/2

Author’s Note: To everyone who thought that this chapter would be a rescue mission: sorry? I always intended for Denial to be the sort of denial where you go about your everyday life, forgetting that your loved one is dead only to remember that they're gone.

#mary wang #claire nuñez #tales of arcadia #3below #trollhunters #toawizards #toa wizards #death tw #eating disorders #diet culture #math #mathematics #juliet dies in this #my writing #juliet dies; life continues

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malisonquill · 5 years ago

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Rebuild: Behind The Scenes

I thought just for some fun, I might post the plan I made for writing Rebuild. It has some silly alternate titles, some doodles I sketched out, and I thought some people might like to see how much the end product was different from the plan.

I do also have a section of the plan just for ideas, but I haven’t included it here because it contains spoilers for the sequel(s).

Hope you enjoy my ramblings below! (Obviously it contains major spoilers for all of Rebuild, so make sure you’re read all that before reading this!)

Rex Brickowski AU Outline

C1: Rexile (AKA Anikin Voice: "I hate Sand". AKA What to do when you're suddenly not dead)

Rex ends up back in his own original timeline in the outskirts of Syspocalypstar. He’s alone, no Rexcelsior, no velociraptors. That makes him sad.

He looks to the city and thinks about everything.

Cat lady comes, he gets bricks and builds and awesome bike and drives to the city.

C2: Shattered (AKA Rex really likes bikes for some reason and also fucks shit up)

There, Lucy and the others are chillin in a park while Rex tears through the city exploring, turning heads.

He goes up a ramp that sends him up over a building above the park. Whilst in the air he grabs his bike and does a flip. The others watch him. He lands on the road next to the park and spots Lucy, his eyes go wide. He does a skidding turn to pull up beside them.

They say how awesome that was. They don’t recognise him and he plays along with that. He needs to get used to them and himself before he drops a bombshell on them.

They show him around the city. He gets a black coffee from the shop. Freezes when he sees a laundromat (PTSD), he hallucinates the deafening roar of the Dryar of Undar until Unikitty distracts him and pulls him away and they continue the tour.

At one point Everything is awesome plays, he acts aloof but taps his foot quietly and lucy notices.

Eventually they get to the town square. There is a statue of Emmet. Rex is immediately taken aback and asks what it is (to gauge his friends reactions and also because he's genuinely surprised to see he's been acknowledged).

Lucy says it honours the special, Emmet. That he was there friend. That they looked for him for a while, but eventually had to admit that he was gone, so they stopped looking.

BIG ANGST TIME.

Rex snaps. He’s still bitter. He starts off vauge like “You gave up? Would he have given up on you?” but gets increasingly louder and madder. Revealing that he was trapped in Undar, how he feels abandoned and slowly revealing to the others that he’s Emmet. Lucy is like “Emmet…?” And he’s like “Emmet is gone! He’s dead!”

He breaks the statue in one punch in anger. His friends are horrified. He looks between them and the statue, shocked and saddened by himself. “What have done?” (Internally). He drives off, leaving the others sad and confused.

C3: Traces Of You (AKA Talking to your ex who you feel betrayed you, even though she thought you were dead… that's rough buddy)

Alternate titles, How can you stand there, a whisper from me? Gone But Not Forgotten

After a short while, giving everyone some time to breathe/ think, Lucy finds Rex in the outskirts. They talk. He explains how he toughened up, how he did some terrible things, how he wants to be better but doesn’t know how. How he’s ruined any chance he had with his friends because of the statue incident. Tears form in his eyes. Lucy goes to comfort him with a hand on his shoulder and says “Emmet...” Queue the “I’m not Emmet anymore and I dont know how to be” line.

Lucy convinces him to not be just one, be a combination. That his friends can help him through this and him to be happier again. He says he’s still can’t fully/ needs time to trust them again, but he’s willing to try. Oh and to call him Rex, cause he wants to be different from movie Emmet.

C4: Building Blocks (AKA DON'T TOUCH ME WHEN I'M WRITING ABOUT SPACESHIPING!!!!)

Lucy and the others ask Rex to build something with them. He decides on a spaceship, they let him lead. Friend interactions.

C5: Time Heals All Wounds (AKA So it turns out you based your entire new personality on your friends and also you finally acknowledge your PTSD)

Over a longer time period (make this clear), montage of helping with each individual. Them understanding Rex and who he is more, maybe after he tries to act exactly like Emmet would but it’s unnatural for him? Finding out about raptor training. Helping him cope with his PTSD (Dryar, paralyzation, loneliness) and abandonment issues.

(after writing half the chapter, i realised) His hand injury and recovery mirror emotional healing! )

https://askmarietheapprentice.tumblr.com/post/183050688583/meta-monday-rex-dangervest-based-his-persona-on

Order:

Fist, alone with Benny, flying spaceship they all built. (Who Rex developed his spaceship love from.) Emotional thing dealt with: ?

Unikitty. He learnt to harness/ weaponize rage from. Unikitty encouraging him to release some anger and destroy some rubble. Helps him get his anger feels out.

Metalbeard. About being a captain of pirates/ raptors. Talk about how he misses them.

Batman. Learnt how to be tough fighter and suppress deep emotional issues. See below for events. Then they talk about talking through things with others, stuff B learnt in Lego batman movie.

Maybe he’s left alone for ten mins whilst a friend goes to grab a brick or something and is terrified they wont come back. He’s relieved but visibly shaken when they do return.

Maybe a change over between friends. One has to go and leaves Rex to meet the batman outside of a shop. As he waits his mind wanders thinking Batman has forgotten about him, doesn't want to meet with him, or even like him etc. As this happens he hallucinates hearing the dryer roar. He stands frozen in place, covering his ears as his vision gets darker. Maybe this causes him to glitch to the real world and back every few seconds. The roar gets louder and louder and louder. Batman comes, sees Rex, is concerned and tries to get his attention by touching his shoulder. Rex freaks out, snapping out of his hallucination shouting/ screaming and madly thrashing punches. He smashes a bin or lamppost or car to pieces before Batman can calm him and he realises he's fine. Rex apologies.

Lucy. Made a super cool alias like Wyldstyle, and hides his insecurities under confident exterior like her. Maybe they talk on their way to her surprise. She asks why he changed his name and himself? He explains his thoughts on Undar, how at the time he thought his friends were right and so he toughened up. Made a cool name like she did. He realises a lot of his Rex traits are semi based on his friends. Maybe talk about how it's good to be confident but also not bad to be vulnerable/ talk about problems with others. He realises he's already been doing this with others? Or just have mostly fun not angst for them here!? Meh, idk yet.

Ends with Lucy giving him that cute little house he made for her, that he’d almost forgotten about. Says it’s just a basis and he can change it if he wants. Talk. Suggests they could be platonic (for now) roommates. She leaves him for the night, he’s now ok (ish) with being left alone.

C6: True Colours (AKA Title made it sound like Rex would turn out evil but surprise! He actually just wanted to look pretty. AKA Rex stares in a mirror for an awkwardly long time)

When Lucy returns, Rex looks different. He briefly went to the Man Upstairs realm and used markers etc, to change his appearance. He wanted some brighter colours to look happier, and more like a combo of Emmet and Rex. He explains this, and decides he wants to be called Rex Brickowski to symbolise this combo of all his aspects.

Basically this first bit is the man I used to be from count of Monte cristo musical.

(Rex and Lucy designs and also size comparison.)

Maybe some Rex and friends hanging out, it’s better than before. Group karaoke? Tries to warm up to Sweet Mayhem?

C7: Epilogue (AKA The end happens. Everything is awesome is still a bop)

Rex and CO are hopeful for the future. Rex knows who he is now and thinks he can be happy again and trust his friends. He’s a mix of mature and innocent/ sweet. He can now enjoy ‘childish’ things and tough things. He’s happy and thinks everything might be ok now.

Maybe he goes to the coffee shop, orders Lucy something and a black coffee with 25 sugars for himself and returns home, listening to rock music on his headphones.

(End on poignant thing.)

Side Notes/ Reminders For Myself

“According to a draft from the first film's script, Emmet is 22 years of age in that film, thus making him 27 in the sequel if accepted.” My AU Rex spent 2 years on Undar, plus 5 getting tough before the movie happens. Making him 34 at the start of the AU.

Rex was in his past changing things. But when Emmet was saved, it was no longer his past/ his timeline. So he faded and was sent back to his original timeline. All the stuff he did in the movie timeline still happened, we see three raptors are still there with Ms Scratchen-Post at the end. So the raptors stay where they are in the movie timeline, because they aren’t like Rex who is being written out of the movie timeline’s future. Which is why Rex is alone at the start of this AU.

Very important! Rex's trust of his friends. My take: friends are the most important thing to Emmet. With friends, he was happy even during the apocalypse. Without them, he becomes jaded, tough. Lucy is who he was closest to/ loved. None of his friends, but especially her not coming for him and moving on hurt him the most. As Rex, he was most mad at her (see him scowling at her during the movie). But then they all try to come back for movie Emmet. Lucy makes it through and saves him. She saved him. This changes post back to the futuring Rex's view. The fact the movie Lucy saved him plus the fact he loved her and cared for her the most before, means AU Rex is inclined to trust her most.

Titles for 3 stories: Rebuild. Rekindle. Re-----. (I'm an idiot for planning 3 of these!!!!!)

Rebuild: Rex's relationships and himself up again.

Rekindle: his and Lucy's love for each other.

Re-----: ((REDACTED BECAUSE IT’S A SPOILER! You’re gonna have to wait to find out what it is!))

INFO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aw-r_G7rfnU - Chris Pratt Singing

Dino facts:

https://www.psd1.org/cms/lib/WA01001055/Centricity/Domain/36/SS_How_Fast_Did_Trex_Grow.pdf

http://cycles.westinmathies.com/Info_Pages.asp?ptype=Velociraptor_Cycl

SPELLING = Armamageddon (according to the subs)

-----------------

And that’s it! This is the rambling mess that brought you Rebuild. Hope it was interesting to see.

As another note of my writing process, I did a lot of jumping around. If I had an idea for some lines of dialogue pop into my head, I wrote it down before I forgot and then slightly altered it and filled in the gaps later. In fact that whole bit between Lucy and Rex in chapter 3 was almost all dialogue (with a few notes like “He turned. She smiles” Etc in between) and then later after writing some of chapter 4, I went back and filled in all the gaps.

I would really recommend writing down whatever pops into your head like this if you want to write things. You might think “Oh, i’ll remember to put this in when I get to writing here!”, that is a lie. You won’t. Or it’ll be different to that brilliant thing you came up with whilst day dreaming out a window. It’s definitely better to jot it down and have it, then decide to edit it later if you don’t like it, than lose it entirely. Just make sure when reading over your chapter/ story that everything flows together nicely. :)

This method also meant I wrote chapters 5, 6 and 7 simultaneously. I had about half of chapter 6 and 7 done whilst I was still making my way through 5. (Probably because 5 was so big!) But then when I was done with 5, I finished off 6, then 7. It also really helped when I came up with the idea to put the first line of the story as the last line too. It gave me a direction to go in for the last chapter (after Rex get’s back from the coffee shop) and also was a nice way to end it off.

Anyway! Hopefully I see you all again for Rekindle! Which by the way, if there is anything involving the characters from this story that you might want to see, please let me know! I might just fit it in somewhere! :D

#lego movie #tlm2 #fanfic #rex dangervest #rex brickowski au #My writing #tlm2 au #mali speaks

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years ago

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14x09 watching notes

jingle bells, bobo smells, It is no fun, for us to wait All christmas in hiatus

Berens... please...... I beg you........... don't kill the sweet precious moonchild that is Garth. Please. The joke is "how are you still alive!?" and it would be a disrespect to Bobby's memory, and he represents a stable post-hunting endgame that was a beacon in season 9. In this essay I will

They used Dean's dead-voice "we're the guys that scare them" speech about hunting monsters in 13x05 to open. I wonder if Yockey wrote that thinking it might be the logical open to 13x23 and instead they used "this is boring, got any music?" also from one of his episodes.

[i guess! meme]

The recap left us hanging about if Jack was alive or not for the Kaia recap which turns out to be rude even though I know that he's fine ("fine") now because I am so emotionally affected by this dumb lump of nougat that not seeing an instant "he's okay haha tricked you!" legit raised my stress levels a notch.

Maybe because it's 4am and I was demolishing a slab of toast before the December chill in my room got it first, but I don't think there was any particular art or storytelling to the recap worth mentioning or musing on, and this came across almost more like the recap AFTER the break because getting back to plot stuff like seeing Mikey things again... The 13x05 lines make me wary on Dean's emotional behalf but obviously these are for very different reasons so the only real thing that might come up is that Cas is hiding his deal from Dean and Dean sounded so dead in the feels because Cas was dead. Obviously the real stress right now is what's up with Dean re: obvious nerve-wracking things like the djinn bouncing off his head or his swooshy vision, things we've been collecting up to ask more pointed questions about when Michael's in the room.

Americans: "that's downtown Vancouver!/an actual American city!/the ACTUAL American city in the caption!" me: "hurrrr skyline"

How much budget for Christmas music

I hate this episode already

Okay the blood and screaming is improving things.

Listen, werewolves always have so much fun these days. We had the knock knock one in 13x09, the Kardashian ones in 13x23, and now we have wereSanta here, who just spotted the mistletoe. D'aaaw.

These halo-shaped lights in this apartment Michael picked sure are gonna come in handy if the director knows what they're doing.

GARF. Please say you're here undercover.

OH SHIT. Michael KNOWS. Being in Dean's head does that to you. All his peeps get embedded in your brain. Please tell me some 2 way vessel/angel nonsense happens and you can't bring yourself to harm him.

GARTH HAS A LITTLE GIRL NOOOOOOOOOOOO

She adores Mr Fizzles. Garth spends hours with them hanging out together.

I don't believe him though. I mean. He's just telling Michael what he wants to hear, right?

Having a little girl is such a way to die, though. I mean. Can we just... not do that?

Let Garth Go Home For Christmas

Those halos sure aren't landing over Michael's head no matter how many of them there are

Jack: eating gross cereal made of cookies at midnight in the dark

Me: I love and support you and have done the same

Cas: *SQUINT*

Dadstiel is the best

Sam being the "it will rot your teeth" dad is also the best. I love the Dad Heirarchy being established here. Sam is still Dad no.1 and the one who lays down the rules and gets disobeyed about midnight cereal, full on domestic dad-ing. Cas is the dad who hears you munching from across the entire Bunker and sighs and gets out of Dean's bed where they've been watching movies together (I extrapolate from missing data) and comes to investigate but ends up in the Secret Midnight Cookie Cereal Pact instead.

If Garth dies he may bequeath Mr Fizzles to Sam to help parent Jack, who is now keeping secrets about midnight cereal consumption and needs an expert lie-detector to help him parent.

Okay, so, in season 9 after Dean took the Mark of Cain he was up all night eating cornflakes and not sleeping. The corn was symbolic to Cain. Jack goes through all he did and has cookie cereal which is just his sweet tooth. But he had foreign grace implanted in him, and also is tapping a lil bit of his soul to be alive, meaning he's in a weird power situation and we don't know what's up with him at all. TFW are very much like "upright and not coughing blood is good enough for us", especially when with magic involved it's not like they might have an actual science explanation ever come their way.

Jack sitting in the dark is obviously symbolic of hiding things, his cookie cereal is disapproved of and a guilty secret from Sam in the first place, he's consuming something - willingly - that's bad for him and will rot him right after the sweet sweet probably not Gabriel grace he ingested 2 episodes ago, and added all up makes a secret - and he and Cas of course share Cas's deal secret so it's not like Cas can go stomping around complaining to the other dads what he found Jack doing without Jack being like yeah well guess what CAS did.

It's sure a fun way to parallel the beginning of Dean's dark dark arc and Jack's sugary sweet dark arc.

Dean: kid if you are going to sit in the kitchen at weird hours and eat cereal, at least self-flagellate a little *slams the box of cornflakes down in front of him.*

Jack also is wearing a lot of red lately.

Though his new jacket is santa-coloured not like... Mark of Cain doom blood death coloured like demon!Dean's infamous red shirt.

He's currently wearing Cas-coloured shoes and sitting in Dean's spot from 9x13 aka the iconic cornflakes scene in question.

"If you can't sleep, that's understandable, given recent events." "You mean dying and coming back to life."

Cas has been around the humans too long. He talks in euphemisms and gets called out by his too-literal son.

The tables turn.

Oh Jack... so full of worries about Heaven and if his mom is safe, and making Cas confront that nothing is perfect, even Heaven, and have to say it out loud because he can't lie to Jack and sugarcoat this.

Reminds me of 13x06 where he had to tell Jack that yeah sorry not all angels are perfect either. Sweet lil foetus!Jack sure picked the correct angel to be his guardian.

Naomi is "complicated"

Cas. Hon. *hands him a blanket and a bowl of cereal*

OH MY GOD Jack calling him out on why can't Sam and Dean know about the deal.

Having Jack around is so much a breath of fresh air that Cas is starting to regret ever kidnapping him in 12x19.

"They CAN I just don't WANT them to know" CAS. You've been forced to Verbalise A Thing Using The Correct Language. I am giving you an entire gold star. TWO GOLD STARS. I'm drawing a smilie face on them.

Jack is upset that Cas made the deal for him: "they don't need that burden. you don't need that burden" "of course I do. You did that, for ME" - the ole season 2 Dean thing, where it took until 2x08 to know for sure what John did and it basically killed Dean 3 times over and he was a Mess. Not knowing but not having all the answers and being worried/suspicious about what's up with the neat circumstances of being alive again is hooorrible. And this is calling out the whole Winchester cycle of sacrifice (conveniently now with us knowing that John will be dropping by for an episode to really hammer the point home) by addressing how Jack now has to carry the burden of knowing that Cas did that for him.

Cas is like, "Yeah don't worry I haven't been happy in all of Creation." Jack looks earnestly at him. "I'm sorry."

Cas diverts to eating the gross cereal, which he apparently also secretly indulges in, or else, as Mittens pointed out to me, Dean does too and either way Cas is being gross and adorable and hanging out with his kid and this is horrible I hate it oh god it's more sickly sweet than the cereal they're eating.

Garth hiding in the kitchen to panic and phone mom to get him from the party.

"THIS ISN'T YOUR MOM, GARTH, THIS IS AN ARCHANGEL"

And he's just learned to say "balls" appropriately too.

Sam immediately gets The Guilts because he's being leaderly and losing Garth would be his first major blow as a leader oh god oh god no oh Sammy oh GARTH I can't handle this.

Berens sure is invested in the leader!Sam stuff and telling this story long before anyone else was and had his minion Glynn tease us with Maggie earlier in the season D:

I'm calling mom to get me from the party

"It's Ketch" Sam raises his eyebrows like "I forgot he was in this season"

Does that mean Ketch skyped Cas first

that's hilarious all by itself

He has tea because of course he does

Oh my god he's skyping with Jack. Are they buds? HAS HE ADOPTED JACK?

Honestly of all the characters in the entire show he's probably resisted longest so far when it comes to adopting Jack if they ever met even briefly in Apocalypse World.

This is how you can tell he's the worst :P Rowena "I will never love again" MacLeod took all of 20 seconds to adopt Jack.

He's been in England for like a week and his accent is 100x more hammy. "ExPRopriATE"

He's rolling his Rs. I mean. Is that even in our accent? Not in mine.

Jack watching attentively while he tells his story with no judgement forthcoming, just pure interest in what Ketch says... good thing Ketch is too self-centred on his tale of derring-do or he might find Jack's sweet interest flattering and begin wondering if he has it in himself to be fatherly.

I'm suddenly legitimately interested in the unstoppable force of Jack's adoptability vs the immovable object of Ketch's ego.

He posted it. Around Christmas. Look I'm friends with a postie and she's hucking around a bag as big as herself.

Maybe he put a ribbon on it.

From BUDAPEST. Paying extra really is gonna speed THAT up

"Where is our weapon?" "It's been sitting in Guam for a week. I don't understand. Why is it in Guam?"

TFW all react with snark, side-eyes or despair at Ketch, and 2.0 doesn't even get a reaction because I don't think Jack understands how dumbass Ketch is because he's too smol to have fought the mail :P

"We appreciate the effort" "DO WE?"

Cas is staring into the void, meanwhile. Internally, "Well at least I can be sure I'm not going to worry about allowing myself to be happy any time THIS month"

Oh, sweet! The laptop is set up right next to Britain on the map table :')

Hey if they have to brave the post office to get the egg, they can find out Harper is still stalking Jack :D

Cas can't even work out which direction to start rolling his eyes, gives up and walks off. Dean gestures the screen, look what you made him do! You asshole!

"Only thing that can take him down now is the full Ichabod" "?" *gestures decapitation* "oh."

Poor Garth. Werewolves really are the worst. I can see why you were so upset about being turned.

Remember when Sam described him as an "ichabod crane alike" or something, I think in 9x12 when asking at the hospital about him? Maybe? I swear to god that might be a less subtle hint Garth is going to die than Charlie's "merry christmas"

Garth honey nooo

I'm pretty sure we saw Michael mind-controlling the werewolf in the cold open which means we're in for SOME sort of drama next

Oh good Cas is back, I guess he went to scream outside.

"Oh it would have made it if it wasn't closed for the holidays" Sam is being so withering I hope Ketch can feel it from Budapest.

Garth you are going to get in so much trouble and I'm so scared for you and your family at Christmas

At least in this scene Dean n Cas are playing footsie under the table if nothing else.

With Michael holed up in a towerblock for Christmas I am so worried that I should have watched Die Hard before getting here.

D'aw Dean teams himself up with Cas without even hesitating.

Holy shit they used a season 1 clip of the Impala driving past a field of cows.

"Hi we shot this for 1x06 it's practically an easter egg now"

God, it's the promo scene and we're 16 minutes in.

Not over Cas being like "you're happy" because he can't be happy but he's seeing Dean being, you know, cheerful. It's worrying because it's so close to endgame... if they kill Michael, Dean can be happy. And if Dean can be happy...

bye bye Cas

It's so easy with Dean looking away for Cas's silence to be "lol never" instead of "I ought to tell you the string that is attached"

*quietly climbs into the garbage pile as I think about how neither can be happy while the other is as a literal plot mechanism*

Them leaving the door open seems so significant I thought we were going to see Bad!Kaia comically hiding behind it

Awwwwww Jack wants to break into his first building with lock picks!!

I can't believe they're doing this in broad daylight.

I can't believe there was a Gish item to go to a post office after hours dressed as Santa's elves and that's what Jack is doing with that coat

"Who taught you to pick a lock?" "I did. And the internet"

Sam's "that's my boy" face.

"I wanted to stay useful"

that was your cue to tell Jack he's useful regardless

On the other hand he got the door opened and smiled up at Sam so I guess he gets the validation that way instead.

"HAPPY Holidays" Jack is SO PLEASED the box is saying something nice.

BOOM you have witnessed, once again, Sam being knocked out.

Wow, no. His skull is getting thicker, he manages to cling on long enough to watch his boy being abducted.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, SAM.

Awww Michael came to oversee it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Michael!

Sam is way too concussed to deal with this. Or drive.

Michael has a really similar coat to what he had in the AU but for a fancy rich lady instead of a badass hot cowboy which really begs the question of why he dressed SO SO OTT for Dean, even given his fashionista tastes for the other 2 vessels we've seen.

I am sad we don't have the other Michael vessel just because he's off making out with Constantine on Legends of Tomorrow (meta textuality of THAT to be unpacked by fandom at length :P), but she's an absolutely uncanny female double for him with the coat and the ominous camera angles and her general scary vibe.

"You're going to kill me anyway" *MOOSE CHARGE*

I stan one concussed boy

Blorp

No fancy weapons for you guys, use your heads.

Not Sam's head, he's just taken his 3rd hit in a minute.

Garth gets caught snitching though I suspect Michael knew he was listening in and sent Dean to get attacked by Bad!Kaia anyways.

There's chess being played here.

Er, and you're the pawns.

I think Dean is the other player and everyone ELSE is a pawn in Michael's reckoning.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Kaia, they just shouted like 20 minutes of the plot so far at each other, you know as much as we do at this point.

I love Kaia's fighting stance but oh my GOD Dean walking up to the spear and having it put against his heart. He knows it's a power move but it's also a gentle one, and he's waved enough guns in her face and our Kaia's face... This is one of those moves you use both on frightened animals and also to show you are a good unarmed nice guy and it's an attempt to re-negotiate after all he's done to Kaias over time >.>

"if you're not going to give it to me, kill me" Dean says, at the end of his big emotional appeal to Family And Saving People as his divine guiding forces in the universe by which he sets his moral compass and acts as the best version of himself in the defence of.

Cas behind him like "I hope this works because I love this dumbass and if you ACTUALLY kill him I'm contractually obligated to murder you so like, pls don't escalate this"

"How do I know if you're telling the truth" well he's not so jot that down.

Cas like "can you please stop talking, Dean, I am not agreeing with any of your policies here" because not only did he drag Jack into it, he made a promise that Jack's completely unable to uphold since he, you know, doesn't have the power to get Kaia home any more.

Poor Bad!Kaia though. Spent her life running from monsters too. She and our Kaia have the same trama, but she's so hardened by it :(

"If you don't bring this back to me I will find you and kill you"

Yikes, magic weapons are having a bad run in these parts, I think Dean's pretty much a gonner :P

I love that the Wayward Sisters music plays around Kaia but it makes me so so so so sad

"So, what, is he playing us?" he's playing YOU Dean. Your move!

"Don't you go in there alone." "I know, drive fast"

Aka concussed bab is gonna go in there alone if you don't hurry.

I have literally no comprehension about the driving times involved in this episode because I don't know US geography like that, but it's Berens not Dabb but he's mentioned specific locations so he better have looked these all up on google maps because this is one heck of a fact checkable episode with 4 distinct known and named locations and you all driving to and fro.

I love Michael's new apartment. It has a dark Heaven aesthetic vibe which is perf.

Jack's here and he's immediately deposited under the halo lights.

I can not WAIT for a Jack vs Michael scene.

*chin hands*

"Why didn't you kill me?" *eyebrow raise*

Poor nougat is being made to feel useless again :( This is Michael grinding his heel into Jack while he has him on the floor, kneeling in supplication under those halo lights.

Michael is into villain monologuing. A terrible, terrible habit.

"Death from above," Michael says, the first time he's had halos over his head.

His concept of soul ownership intrigues me because he would get all the humans who died in an attack on this city in his original world. In this he's turning them into monsters but with his grace, so they belong to him. That means that somehow or other he's probably overriding not just their nature to be controllable by him, which overrides in turn Eve's control over all monsters. She totes isn't dead BTW she's just in Purgatory. I'm like 100% sure of it :P Anyway I do wonder if Michael's control over the monsters extends so far as accidentally granting them passage to Heaven by claiming them and overriding Eve's control. Who knows. The thought wandered by and really tickled me.

Because it's a long game with the real value in people for beings of this level just being in their value as collectibles after death, and season 5 was all about our Michael getting all the souls by killing all the humans and storing them away in Heaven and that was his Paradise he was fighting for. And if he's converting entire cities to monsterhood in order to gain control over the territory in a quiet no mess way, then his control and command of them is passed on through the bite thanks to whatever he did to them. At the very least he's managed to make himself into their new Alpha.

I mean unless this is a phase one and he's sacrificing getting the souls of these lot in exchange for a lot more souls down the line.

LOL Michael pulls "I'm your only kin" and Jack's like, uh, REAL Michael is in the cage, POSER.

I love how Jack's got the such simplistic child language of "I hate you" which comes out so honestly and fiercely. Jack's 1 layer personality is reaaally deep even if it is mostly 1 layer. A very very thick slab of nougat. Full of goodness. It's EXCELLENT character writing to balance a character like this. He has a good understanding of the world by now, evidenced by very clearly being able to distinguish AU!Michael from his living kin of our Michael in the cage, and yet at the same time his emotional range is still 100% whatever he feels about a thing and so for Michael it's hate. Because when kids get upset they can yell "I hate you I hate you!" in a tantrum, and Jack's personality is that but moderated and adult and reasonable, and that... What a good approach to writing a character. Om nom nom.

This vessel is definitely way more expressive than the previous two Michaels, which is something I've noticed in a looot of the vessel gender swaps, which really makes me go sociological on why gesturing and fiddling and so on is so much a part of presence for a female character on screen, while male characters are allowed to stand still and just kind of radiate presence. I mean, she HAS presence, but she's been moving her hands a lot and it's the main detail which makes her not match up as neatly. Jensen threw his whole personality into not moving Michael's arms, to follow on from Christian's portrayal.

I think Raphael's second vessel was menacingly still. That actress did a great job. That slow head turn after they hurl an angel blade at her in 6x22... Nice.

Lisa Berry strikes a nice balance at huge presence and only necessary gestures, and Julian Richings was always fiddling with junk food as Death despite his cosmic presence.

Meg was all in the voice and eyebrows, both actresses.

Why am I musing on this? Because it's 7am and I'm having a wave of immense sleepiness and I think I need tea to keep on watching but it's cold so I'd rather stay bundled in blankets >.>

... I have now turned on the heating and got tea and done some stretches to try and ward off the cold-blooded lizard stupor I was sliding into. Brrr. We get Christmas break on episodes because it's so hard to watch in the cold.

"Our relation is more a matter of scale, power." Ooohohohooo but you just said you weren't killing Jack because he was powerless.

I mean I'm crowing at Michael for maybe revealing a flaw in his monologue to me but at the same time that's terrifying for what he plans for Jack because that presumably involves powering back up but under HIS control. Nephew theft.

I say smugly having posted Jack being kidnapped by Michael in Andrea's Diner for his power/money last week so that I can just ride this one out with a "in before this plotline" raised eyebrow.

I mean I was using a hybrid season 8/14 set up with Naomi still being Michael's flunky but the important thing is that he was trapped in an office in a towerblock which may or may not now be exactly this one since I have eyes on it and Michael was gonna do whatever it took to get Jack's share of the company until Cas marched in and saved the boy.

Yeah my diner AU has corporate drama, deal with it.

NOW we're getting to the epic speeches. The time that makes mountains. Epic. And Michael is like hey you and me are the only ones left... And as your power returns and grows, we'll only become more alike. Cut to Jack being HORRIFIED by the concept of becoming anything like his AUncle and losing his human compassion and turning into this evil being that cheerfully talks about how not only to level cities but to improve on the concept.

Finally, we hit the epic tragedy level of Jack's story he's been hiding from in other genres from disney to rom coms to cute twee Christmas movies and even a detour into 1800s consumptive child drama to avoid it. But Hamlet's procrastination has to be challenged occasionally, and so they're face to face and Michael is taunting Jack with how he might be cute as a nougaty 2 year old but oh dear the terrible 2s are nothing to the terrible 2 billionties.

I think this room even has Heaven's furniture, as a riff on it. What's one world to another? One Heaven from another, as Michael says. Find a head office, treat it like a place of power and intimidation and it becomes one.

All Jack says is "Sam, Dean and Castiel. They'll come for me." Because he doesn't know much but in his 2 years he HAS learned who fights for him and considers him family, and who he will really set his morality by.

Of course if Cas ever allows himself to be happy, then ALL of Jack's family has an expiration date and no one can follow him through those eons to stop him straying.

Also: now eternity has a sense of horror to it. The reminder that immortality is awful and this is what it does to ancient eldritch beings. And as a result, that finite humanity may be better when it doesn't come at the cost of erosion of self.

To thine own self be true, to quote a terribly mis-used part of Hamlet and yeah yeah I studied it I know Polonius said that and it's meant to be a ridiculed line. But it's still emotionally relevant >.>

Jack's fierce sense of self and family is his only weapon here. Michael can't cast doubt on that. Maybe fear for the future, but in the immediate presence, Jack has a ROCK.

That red coat also makes him very distinctively the only real colour in the room.

Michael is wearing dark blue for the red vs blue coding, but it's dark enough to not stand out in the decor.

TFW are all wearing brown and tan.

I'm actually quite fond of this stupid jock werewolf.

Awkward silences with jingle bells in the background... why are they making werewolves inherently comical in Dabb era, I don't know. But I LOVE it.

RIP the sexy werewolf.

Dumb jock werewolf has already run off, which MAY be a reminder to panic about all the monsters in position, or he might get stopped on the way by TFW in a strategic position...

RIP other sexy werewolf.

Both, sadly, as hot as they were, die with amusing riffs of jingle bells to accompany their decapitations. No dignity in death for these fuckers.

Sam may or may not be doing a Red Meat by taking them on alone but he sure is in a better position with only a mild concussion leftover from the earlier attack rather than, you know, a barely-treated gut shot.

Man I hope Cas healed up the residual damage of that before the end of season 11.

Sam is indeed alone as he promised not to be while 100% intending to rush right in, which means that dumb jock werewolf did indeed run off into the city, which means that with 10 minutes left a whoops we let Kansas City turn into monsters cliffhanger might be a lark.

Merry Christmas everyone but Kansas City.

I mean Sam doesn't need to rush on the Jack rescue, Michael literally has eons of AUncle-nephew bonding planned.

The fact Alex has visible chicken pox scars on his forehead amuses me so much. While Jack fast-track grew in 12x23 he randomly inflicted the pox on himself as part of the childhood experience. Like, oh, I better get all my immunity from mom so when my 3 dads collectively fail to get me vaccinated at least I've got that. *boop* chicken pox scars appear.

S'gonna be Garth on the other side of that door

OH NO IT IS

Oh no Sam, it's a trap, he's gonna eat you. Oh no oh no you can't cut Garth's head off. He's a Beloved Sweetie Pie.

If this ends with watching Mr Fizzles get a hunter funeral I am sending Bobo a mountain of coal for Christmas.

Love that universal trope of the werewolf ducking away for an embarrassing uncontrolled transformation that looks somewhere between puking and period cramps. Moonsickness.

Michael is the moon controlling it in this case.

Cosmic bodies.

Don't touch him, Jack!!

Transformations with glowy eyes suck :<

This is just CRUEL to make Garth be like "I'm sorryyyyy" as he charges at Sam.

LOL THIS IS A CRYPT SCENE. He's in Garth's head!

"You don't have to do this!" "You can fight this, Garth!"

Me, staring at my mess of red string connecting crypt scenes: How did I get to Garth wolfing out while shouting apologies at Sam and Sam begging him to stop when this all started with Dean n Cas fighting over a lump of rock 6 seasons ago

Oh thank god they ended it with Sam vulcan neck pinching Garth to sleep after Jack took a rolling tackle at him and Garth ends up still controlled and shoved in the back of the car for later problems.

We'll file this under the failures section between bros and move on though I won't deny Berens had me in a cold sweat that I was going to have to throw years of work out because Sam would grab Mr Fizzles out of Garth's pocket and soothe him back to himself :P

Mr Fizzles x Garth as the Destiel parallel of the year

"Thanks for waiting for us," Dean says, angrily gesturing the alive and rescued Jack while uselessly holding the spear.

It's okay baby there's 7 minutes left and Cas still doesn't have fake blood all over him.

I think Mikey might come back around to gloat. He strikes me as the supervillain type to do that.

They figure out the last few chess moves that Michael made while sitting on the trunk that Garth is locked in. Rough.

In the background, Cas strides over to the brooding Jack.

Boop.

"I wouldn't bet against us."

In Which Dean Nearly Decapitates His Brother

Rousing family speech about no odds or element of surprise or fear from Michael, and they go dramatically walking off towards the elevator with blaring Christmas music.

I hate this

Everyone has a weapon except Jack, who just has a series of incomprehensible troubled looks every time anything happens.

The Boy Is Concerned. But is it about what's going on around him, or inner turmoil disrupting his nougaty centre?

He looks placid again during the dramatic walk, while everyone else has their hero faces, he's surrounded by his dads so he can just be like :3 and enjoy the adventure.

Michael is bored and pacing because they took too long having broments downstairs and walking slowly towards the elevator and he wants to do this great dramatic turn when they arrive but the elevator is craaaaaaawling up the building.

Fine, what if I'm not by the window but sitting down with my back to them.

Is Michael NERVOUS?

Big talk about being a zillion years old and then getting impatient.

What did Michael just see? Because he lit up his eyes and got a lot more confident...

"There... he... is" he smirks.

Me when Cas

Cas doesn't usually nearly get a killing blow on me, though. Nice move, bud.

HEY, RUDE. DOn'T HURT HIM

I know he just tried to stab you but I'm allowed to yell that. Also stabbing archangels doesn't tend to work on them but whatever :P

Come on Dean, GET HIM. He hurt the bae! And Sam and Jack now! But nowhere near as dramatically!

Ironically if Michael had just had any patience he wouldn't have fallen for being baited into coming to see Cas snooping around his front desk.

OH NOICE THIS IS THE SAME FIGHT WITH MICHAEL AND DARK KAIA BUT DEAN AND MICHAEL

Ow, Dean not doing so well after all.

Is that Sam or Jack inching a hand towards the spear. If Sam stabs Michael then it's a thanks in return for stabbing Lucifer. If Jack does... Badass, kid needs a big kill.

On the other hand, we're so near cliffhanger time territory that.. well.

Nope, Sam just did the slide a weapon back to Dean thing and Dean got in a hit on Michael in their duel.

Same arm he got stabbed on.

"trust me, that's gonna leave a scar"

Jack I hope you are paying attention to Dad no.3's use of one-liners because he is a master.

When he isn't, like, "you're the shortbus, shortbus."

UHOH Michael is standing with aaaaaall the haloes reflected behind him in the window and Dean is having Suspicious Killing Hesitation

aaaand there's the whooshy vision wow what a surprise

I KNEW IT WAS COMING AS SOON AS MICHAEL'S SHOULDERS WENT ALL CONFIDENT AND HE STARTED STARING AND I'M STILL UPSET.

I mean I knew it was coming as soon as Dean stumbled in like ??? I'm not Michael???

But in the short term, argh.

WHAT IS THIS BAR

It has a moose head, Jo's shooting game from the Roadhouse, and the old jukebox from 4x01's diner where Sam and Ruby hung out.

Aside from anything else this is a horrible ploy by Michael to get the spear.

WHEN DID MICHAEL BARTEND.

I am so intrigued.

But yeah, checkmate, Dean Winchester. Snapped your magic spear and melted to magic egg. What next?

Oh good and now he has the halos behind his head :< :< :< :<

Wanek I am so angry. You get coal too.

LOL Michael giving them a lesson on maaaaaaaybe asking important questions about things instead of just leaving them as soon as a character appears to be functioning on the surface, I type with this paused with Jack in the corner of my screen as a fortuitous example

Michael gloating about breaking Dean is the worst Christmas cliffhanger. I hate you Bobo.

You aren't seriously going to end the season on a snap and make us make Michael is Thanos jokes all hiatus? I mean he already fucked up one planet, decimating it in the name of a better world. Please. Don't do this, Bobo.

He did it.

Reminds me of the end of 3x10 as well, with demon!Dean lurking under Dean, waiting until before the credits to snap his fingers from within Dean's subconscious to remind us he was lurking and waiting.

Aw man this sucks.

Now Jack has to murder Dean after all.

#14x09 #season 14 spoilers #berens fanclub #my stuff

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lilacskyent-blog · 6 years ago

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Breakfast with King Kitsu

King Kitsu is a black trans man making a name for himself in the cosplay world and having a good time doing it. From amazing suit builds, to mashups, to fun videos with other cosplay friends and even a highly praised live performance, Kitsu represents the best part of what cosplay, and the cosplay community, is, a place to find freedom, expression, and acceptance. In today’s world of professional cosplayers, Kitsu delivers professional level work but does it for the fun of it. As a trans woman and a newcomer to the world of cosplay, I was blown away as I learned more and more about him.

Do you remember the first character you wanted to cosplay?

I was super into EDM and I ended up doing Deadmau5 in high school after I saw a friend of mine make one out of a hamster ball and some fabric. We ended up going to a con and I was hooked.

Please explain the origin of your cosplay name

I’m a Kingdom Hearts and Disney nerd, and King Mickey is the most badass thing I’ve ever seen.

Where did Grandpa Kitsu come from?

A lot of people who’ve met me have called me old, cause I’ve experienced a lot and been through a lot. Despite me being a goofball 98% of the time there are things I can speak on and things I can do that come from my experiences. I also go to bed early, have bad hips, a bad back, and complain about kids being loud.

What was the moment where cosplay became more than just a hobby for you?

It’s still a hobby honestly. I speak on things as much as I do because this isn’t my profession or career. It’s my creative outlet. I do it for fun and to make good memories with my friends.

3 Breakfast Essentials?

I only just recently started actually eating breakfast so right now it’s just Starbucks.

When did you take up building? Were those skills you had before becoming a cosplayer?

My first was Deadmau5 and I’m still not sure how I did it. I don’t understand how I was so confident and not paranoid like I usually am. I had no experience before that, but my dad’s an engineer so maybe that has something to do with it.

What steps do you take when you’re deciding who to cosplay?

Normally I’ll just think about it when I see a nice design. if I’m watching the show and I like a specific character I’ll be like “nice outfit, mind if I look up some references?” Sometimes I’ll talk to some of my friends about certain characters and we’ll decide to do a group cosplay.

Dream cosplay?

Either Wisdom Form Sora, Xehanort, Xemnas, and to revamp my Vanitas. Zack from Final Fantasy is a big one as well.

What’s your big goal or dream?

Being financially stable probably. I’d love to become a dressmaker for award shows, possibly movies. My dreams change often but it’s always within the world of costuming

Favorite anime?

Yikes, I want to say Naruto but I haven’t finished it yet. I’d probably have to say My Hero Academia. I love that they dive into every character. Both of these shows have motivated me to become a better person and helped me with my transition.

Favorite game?

Kingdom Hearts 2

Do you think you’d be safer as a normal person living in the Marvel Universe or the DC universe?

Maybe Marvel, if I lived in the woods by myself.

I can see from your incredible Vanitus cosplay that you’re a kingdom hearts fan. Favorite game? Favorite keyblade warrior?

Kingdom Hearts 2

Mickey

If your life was being turned into a manga would it be an ecchi, a shonen, a slice of life, or something else entirely?

One of those fourth wall breaking comedies like One Punch Man, with some slice of life and seriousness.

The apocalypse has come and you can assemble a squad to keep you alive. Only 1 immortal/god tier character allowed. What 2 video game and 2 anime characters do you pick?

Sora

Escanor from Seven Deadly Sins

Zack from FFVII

Dabi from My Hero Academia

When did you realize you were trans?

It wasn’t a realization, more like a build up. Going to a Christian white school and realizing I like girls, and then realizing I like presenting masculine, then realizing it’s ok to be genderfluid and test out pronouns, and then finally realizing I was trans. I kind of tiptoed into it.

Top songs on your playlist right now?

Focus by Charli XCX

Someone that you love by Jarreau Vandal

WestWorld by Evan Gia

The Getaway by OddKidOut

To The Moon by Tokyo

Free Fall by Pool Club

Enough by The Endorphins

Being a poc cosplayer is putting yourself in the crosshairs for racist comments disguised as “purists” nonstop. Being trans on top of that is even more difficult, what gets you through it?

I’ve gotten so used to negativity and backlash that I address it and move on pretty quickly. It still gets to me but at the end of the day, I can’t make people change. The best I can do is speak up and speak the truth. Support is nice but I’d prefer people spread proper information than just tell me I’m right all the time.

A number of people don’t actually transition, what were your thoughts going into it?

It was a no at first, the negative thoughts were pretty much inescapable, but eventually, I just said: “fuck it, I’m confident in myself that I can become the person I want to become.” It was definitely the right choice for me.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to transition, but is absolutely terrified?

Go to therapy and talk about everything. I tried to accept myself as female, tried to be the baddest bitch I can be, and I was feeling myself, but that wasn’t who I wanted to be. It was like a trial and error run. Figure out what you need to do to love yourself.

When I asked my final question “do you know how dope you are” Kitsu replied with a silent shake of the head, and I burst out laughing. We live in a time where most of us have turned our interests/outlets into jobs. We love it, but it’s draining and takes a toll, sometimes leaving us jaded. Most of all it changes how we interact with everyone around us who does what we do. I’m grateful to wonderful people like Kitsu, who remind us why we started doing this kinda stuff in the first place.

It’s fun!

Follow his instagram @kingkitsu

#trans #cosplay #king #kitsu #boku no hero academia #kingdom hearts #voltron #poc #transmen #transgender #lilac #sky

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alicanta77 · 4 years ago

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Chapter 2: Don’t Look Back

Pairing: y/n x Haechan

Themes: angst, fluff, suspense(?)

Warnings: swearing, zombies, blood, violence, death, virus, anxiety, abusive family

Words: 11k

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Finale

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I got inspiration for Post Mortem from my friend @2-cute-4-school and her story called ‘Evanescent’. She is an amazing writer and all of her work is incredible so please check her out if you haven't already! I would really recommend the story Hiraeth by her too if you’re Haechan biased and like angst. I honestly cannot thank her enough for letting me use Evanescent as a starting point for this series xx

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The apocalypse wasn't the kind you would see in movies. There were no ruins that used to be buildings, no shattered glass of the windows that used to make up skyscrapers and no fallen blocks of wood to provide a small bit of shade from the now burning sun. While the virus broke out slowly, the apocalypse happened so quickly that all that happened to the world was that it emptied. Houses were empty, skyscrapers were standing, their windows only now used to reflect the sun, everything remained in tact. That’s how quickly the world gave up.

It had been a week since you had arrived at Mark’s. Since then you had each been given rooms and become accustomed to the sheer size of his house. You also found out that he really wasn't lying when he said that they had a good security system. The electrified walls around the house are enough to keep out a hoard of the undead, multiple cameras surrounded the premises and were connected to alarms around the house which means that if any did break through you would know about it immediately and, your favourite feature, was an escape hatch that took you a garage under the house, filled with fast cars and enough supplies to last a few months. His family really seemed to be prepared for everything, and, right now, that was just what you needed. But you knew that you couldn't stay here forever.

As brilliant as Mark’s house was, after 12 hours there, the entire group had sat together in the living room and unanimously decided that this would not be the place they would stay forever. While they had a large supply of food that would last a while, it would eventually run out and you would need to get more. The same applies for medicine and going to raid the stores seemed dangerous and the supplies you needed would probably be already taken. Renjun recommended finding a place with fields so that you could grow your own plants and even raise cattle. This would give you a fresh supply of meat and the plants could be used for food and medicine. However, the idea of where to find a protected field that you would need seemed to stump you all.

In the week you had been at Mark’s your ankle had also completely healed. You seemed to have no symptoms of HD, neither your veins or your eyes had changed colour and your personality had remained exactly the same. Everyone eventually came to the conclusion that, either the cut wasn't deep enough, or you couldn't get turned by scratch. You all prayed it was the latter.

You had noticed Chenle, Jisung and Mark being slightly anxious around you the past week, not that you could blame them. They had never properly met you before and everyone was watching nervously to see if you would turn. After you were fully healed, however, they all seemed to lighten up slightly and trust you a lot more. You were deep in thought about all of this when Haechan walked into your shared room.

‘Y/n?’ He asked.

‘Haechan!’ You laughed slightly. ‘God, you made me jump. What’s up?’

His face remained grim, any trace of his signature sunshine smile was long gone and he seemed to be struggling to find the right words to say.

‘What’s happened?’ You gently asked, walking up to him and guiding him to sit on your bed. He took a deep breath before speaking.

‘I want to go home.’ Your head shot up at his statement and you opened your mouth to say something, but he didn't let you. ‘Wait, just let me finish. I want to go home and get some things. I want to grab some clothes and possibly a photo and I want to see if I can find my sister. She wasn't infected with HD, meaning she is still human and I haven't had any contact with her and she's home alone with our Dad and I-’

You pulled Haechan into a small hug to calm him down. You could always tell when he was getting worked up over something because he would start to ramble on about the same point, repeating it in about four different ways. You began to hum the tune of ‘You are my sunshine’ to calm him down. It was a habit you had developed since he started hiding at yours from his father. You had always thought of him as your sunshine and revealed this to him when he arrived late one night, littered with new bruises. Your parents had quickly taken his younger sister into the bathroom, while you looked after Haechan, quietly telling him this when he whispered how he wasn't sure if he could take it anymore. It was in that moment that you both realised that nothing calmed Haechan down faster and more effectively than that song.

‘I think we should tell the rest of the guys.” You said while pulling out of the hug but still keeping a hold of his hand. ‘Some of them may want to see if their families are alive and have things to grab.’

He nodded and you both headed to go round everyone up. It didn't take as long as you had expected, due to the size of the house, but as large as the house was, it was easy to navigate. It was only three floors high, with the kitchen, living room, dining room and utility rooms on the ground floor, three of the bedrooms, two bathrooms and another living room on the first floor and one bedroom, bathroom and the security room on the top floor. Since you and Haechan were sharing the room on the top floor, you quickly checked the security room to see if you could find anyone, and luckily they were all in their room, so you quickly grabbed them and asked them to meet in the first floor living room.

Once everyone was gathered, it was time for Haechan to propose his idea.

---

‘What’s this meeting for?’ Mark asked, being the last one to walk in.

‘I’ve been thinking-’ Haechan began.

‘Oh that's never good.’ Renjun quickly interrupted, earning a glare from Haechan in return.

‘As I was saying, I’ve been thinking and, I really want to go home.’

Everyone immediately erupted into chaos about why this shouldn't happen, growing out any clarifications that Haechan was trying to make.

‘Wait, wait!’ Haechan raised his voice over the noise, silencing everyone. ‘Not forever. I’m not saying that I want to move back home I just need to visit it. I want to grab some clothes of mine and I want to see if I can find my sister. She wasn't infected with HD and if there’s a chance she is okay, I need to find her.’

This caused silence to fall over the room, confusion clearly sweeping through everyone's minds. You knew that both Jeno and Renjun knew how important Haechan’s sister was to him and you didn't doubt for a second that they would come with Haechan to get her back, but for the other four boys, you weren't so sure that they would be willing to take that risk. And you were right.

‘Is it going to be safe to go back to your house though?’ Jisung asked.

‘No it isn't.’ Chenle stated bluntly. ‘In fact it may be incredibly dangerous, there will be zombies there, it would be like us willingly walking into a trap.’

In the time you had spent with the boys you had learnt that Jisung and Chenle normally stuck to each other like glue, bouncing off each other’s energy well. Jisung was a lot more thoughtful about what he was going to say and when he was going to say it and seemed a bit more shy around new people, while Chenle would often tell you the truth even if you didn't ask for it. It was never meant in a malicious way and you could tell that the boy didn't have a mean bone in his body, he just found it easier to be honest, it was like honesty was his natural setting. Mark tried to keep everyone together, normally more logical than the younger two and would often take the time to think about all the possibilities before making any kind of decision. And finally, Jaemin, the person who you owed so much to, you had learnt absolutely loved affection. The way he would follow Jisung around to try and get a kiss often reminded you of Haechan. Jaemin was filled with a maturity that was way beyond his years and was often very good at coming up with solutions to problems. His wise nature yet loving personality made him an irreplaceable asset to the team.

‘Haechan, I don’t know what to say yet.’ Mark said, partially to himself. ‘On one hand, we can’t leave your sister and you needing things from your house makes sense, but on the other, it is really dangerous to leave right now. All of us would be risking our lives.’

Haechan didn't seem to know what to say. He had never thought that they would actually be against him trying to save his sister. Suddenly Jeno spoke up:

‘Well I’d be willing to risk my life. Haechan is a loyal friend and I have no doubt that he would do this for any of us if we asked, so I’m not letting him go alone.’

‘Nor am I.’ Renjun chimed in, standing up next to Haechan, as if in solidarity.

‘I’m going too.’ You nodded at Haechan. ‘You're not in this alone.’

Haechan nodded thankfully at you all before just looking at Jaemin for a second, as if pleading him to convince the others, but Jaemin just looked back with a confused look on his face, as if there was something he couldn't quite understand. Haechan then left the room, closing the door quietly behind him ad leaving you all behind.

An uncomfortable silence settled over you all as no one could seem to find a word to say. Then Mark finally spoke, breaking the tension.

‘Guys, I’m sorry but this is so risky, you barely got out of the school and that was only facing three zombies. Even then, y/n still got scratched. How can you expect us to willingly go into a badly infested neighbourhood to get a young girl we don’t know?’

Renjun looked at him in disbelief.

‘Because it’s his sister!’ He took a step closer to Mark very careful to make his point clear as day. ‘You don’t have to come with us, but we are going and we are going to come back with her because, god help me, he is not going to lose her and end up with his father as the only family he has left.’ After that he turned around and stormed out and back towards his shared room with Jeno. Jeno turned to you and you nodded before he quickly followed Renjun, hoping to calm him down. This left just you and the four boys, once again in an uncomfortable silence.

‘Oi.’ Chenle poked Jaemin in the side. ‘Why haven't you said anything?’

Jaemin looked up at you, and cocked his head slightly, his face still holding the slightly confused expression he had before.

‘There’s just something that I can’t get off my mind.’ He kept his eyes trained on you and uttered the sentence you hoped you would never have to hear, purely because of the questions that you knew came with it. ‘It’s about Haechan’s family.’

The other three boys turned to look at Jaemin in confusion, clearly not sharing what thought process was going through his mind. But Jaemin’s eyes never wavered from you, his unflinching stare making you fidget slightly. You didn't break eye contact however, instead asking:

‘What about it?’

‘You all knew. You all knew he would do anything to protect his sister. In fact, you knew that he would go as far as to walk to his house alone and search it from head to toe, when we all know the likelihood is that she isn't alive. I know that siblings are close, but no one else has expressed that desperation to see a family member alive. And then Renjun mentioned his father and how he didn't want him to be Haechan’s only relative and...’

He trailed off for a moment and you held your breath, praying that he would finish that sentence in the way you were expecting him to.

‘... and it made me remember his mother... and her accident.’

Your heart stopped, your eyes shut and, for a moment, the world stopped turning. A singular mention of that woman would bring Haechan to tears that took hours to stop, a night carved into a 8 year old’s memory that would scar for years to come. Even you had trouble thinking about her without getting choked up. Jaemin continued as the rest of the boys were watching in silence.

‘Y/n... I know it is not our place to pry, but there’s clearly something here that we don’t know about and- I don’t want to force you to tell us but, I think it might help us to understand a bit more.’

Mark, Chenle and Jisung all followed Jaemin’s eyes and turned to look at you. You hated to admit it, but you thought it was probably a good idea. So after a quick discussion in Renjun and Jeno’s shared room, where they both agreed that you should tell the others the truth about Haechan, you walked back into the living room. All the boys immediately turned their heads towards you as you opened the door.

‘They agree it’s probably best that you know.’ You told them as you made your way towards an armchair. Jaemin moved up on the sofa next to you that he and Jisung were sharing, allowing Chenle to sit down too, while Mark pulled up a chair to form a small circle.

‘Before I start, I need to tell you that Haechan doesn't know I’m telling you this. It’s a subject that even we can't bring up with him, so please don’t try to yourselves because it will only cause him pain and create divides in the group. None of that do we need or does he deserve. He suffered enough.’ You muttered the last part mostly to yourself, but loud enough that you knew the boys could hear it. The you took a deep breath, watching your hands in your lap, trying to keep yourself as calm as possible, before beginning.

‘Before I tell you about Haechan, you first need to know about another boy that we knew. He was called Donghyuck. He lived a street over from me when we were growing up, and we would see each other all the time so we easily became good friends. He fit seamlessly into the trio that was then just Renjun, Jeno and I, and soon we became a group of four. On the outside, he seemed to have a perfect family. Father, mother, son and daughter. Good jobs, nice house, shiny car, you couldn't find anything wrong with them. Until you looked past the front door. Behind that locked door every night was a sea of threats, drunken words and regretted actions, it was a living nightmare for Donghyuck. His father was an alcoholic. He couldn't go one day without some kind of drink and he was not a nice man at the best of times, let alone when drunk. But it only got worse. It got to the point where it was hard to tell which personality of his was worse, drunk or sober, and it even got to the point where it didn't matter. His mother tried as hard as she could to protect him and his sister from his father, but it was often hopeless. Donghyuck would watch as his mother took beating after beating from the man who swore to love and protect her for as long as he lived. Then, once he had knocked his wife unconscious, he would turn his attention to his children. Donghyuck had always taken after his mother. To anyone who knew both of them, it was as clear as day. he had the same morals, the same thought process, the same priorities and even the same laugh. So when he saw his mother doing everything to protect them, he would do anything to protect his little sister.’

You paused for a minute, looking up at the boys who were hanging on your every word. You knew it had been over ten years since the name Donghyuck was said in your presence, only his sister being able to call him that, so it wasn't surprising to you that the boys had no clue who you were talking about.

‘He would come in the next day, littered with bruises. He always claimed that he fell down the stairs. But hearing that every two weeks rings alarm bells, even in an eight year old’s head. Donghyuck was a terrible liar, it was something we also teased him about. So he knew that lying would get himself caught, and in turn get his father caught, and then break up the family that his mother would try so hard to protect. So he told the truth. He fell down the stairs. It just wasn’t for about a year before we learnt that his father was the reason he fell down the stairs, and that it was less of a fall and more of a throw.’

You paused again, swallowing the emotion that was crawling up your throat. You knew that you were no where near the emotional part of this story, and that was the fact that made you the most upset: the worst was still to come.

‘Jeno was the first to find out about Donghyuck at home. He told me and I told Renjun and before we knew it, Donghyuck had called us together and asked us not to say a word. We didn't really understand why, but he was our friend and he seemed desperate. So we kept quiet, and I wish we didn't.’

Your voice cracked slightly on the final word, giving the indication to the boys listening that something else happened. Chenle leaned forward, asking:

‘What happened? Did something happen to Donghyuck?’

You shook your head, tears beginning to grow in your eyes so you blinked them away. You couldn't afford to get emotional yet.

‘No, not to Donghyuck. Something happened to his mother.’

None of the boys said anything, all of the silently begging you to continue. You took a deep breath, steadying your voice before you continued.

‘Like I said earlier, Donghyuck’s father would always beat his mother unconscious before hurting him or his sister. But one night, she came to and woke up before his father had intended or realised. She woke up and saw him dragging Donghyuck by the scruff of his neck, while he screamed and kicked, begging for his sister to run. And when she did, out of the window and off to a safe house, his father screamed in rage and threw Donghyuck down the stairs. But he threw him hard and he barely touched the stairs before hitting the ground, leaving him there unmoving. All he could register was his mother screaming. She threw herself at her husband, fighting with everything she had in her to avenge and protect her son from further damage, but she was nothing compared to his physical strength, especially in her weakened state. Donghyuck watched as his father pushed his mother, forcing her to step backwards, but there was nothing for her to step onto. She went backwards down the stairs and banged her head on the corner of the bottom one. Donghyuck still couldn't move, in too much pain from his last fall. All he could do was watch while his mother bled and his father ran around staging the house to look like a robbery gone wrong. He then listened to his father ring the police, crying fake tears and asking for help. He watched as the paramedics took his mother and put her into a body bag, as they ripped away the one person who looked out for him, who protected him. In that moment, he changed. He vowed to never be unable to protect anyone again. He vowed to protect his sister, and to protect himself. And, finally, he changed his name. So that no one would call him the name that his father did the night he murdered his mother.’

‘What did he call himself?’ Jisung asked after a second of silence.

A new voice cut through the air, making you all turn around in your seats.

‘Haechan.’

Haechan stood in the doorway arms folded, as if he was trying to be tough and not care about what they thought of his story, but the fact that his eyes were glued to the floor, showed how terrified he was that these boys knew what he had been through. Finally he looked up at the boys sat around you and only when he did that did you all see the tear marks on his cheeks.

‘I called myself Haechan.’

Mark stood up, walked towards him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, forcing Haechan to look up at him.

‘We’re going to get your sister.’

---

You decided to leave the same day as it was still early morning and no one saw any point in wasting time. The longer you waited, the more likely Haechan’s sister was to be dead. Before leaving you had stopped in one of the utility rooms you hadn't been into yet. Mark opened the door and you were greeted with rows upon rows of weapons.

‘My family was keen on having all the means to stay safe.’ Mark explained as you walked into the room, a mixture of awe and fear clouding your mind. ‘This is my father’s room. I haven't been in here more than twice, but given the current situation, I thought these might come in useful. Can anyone here fire a gun?’

Chenle put his hand up, along with Jeno and yourself. When you were younger, Jeno’s parents had taken you two clay pigeon shooting and it had become something of a tradition between the two of you.

Mark nodded at you both.

‘Good. You three can grab these guns, the same one I have. If you have less experience, then grab a pistol. They have less bullets but they're easier to fire and the recoil won't injure you.’

Mark held out a larger gun for you and you grabbed it before switching on the safety and slinging it over your should using the strap. You also decided to grab a pistol when you saw that there were some left over.

‘Wow. Your dad had a lot of guns...’

Mark looked up at you from placing a knife in a holder on his arm.

‘Yeah... I always hated it. I guess I should be thankful now huh?’

He gave you a small smile, which you returned. You took a look at everyone, now that they were fully suited up. Jisung had one pistol, one longer knife and three grenades on him, Chenle had a long knife, one pistol and the larger gun that Mark had given him, Jeno had the same gun and two knives, Jaemin had two pistols and a grenade, Renjun was equipped with a pistol, two knives and a grenade, Mark had the same machine gun as you, a pistol and a knife, Haechan had two pistols, two knives and a grenade and you had the same larger gun as Mark did, one pistol and a knife. Jisung had also recommended for you all to put tape around your forearms as that was a place where zombies usually bite. While it felt very strange and restricted your movements slightly, you were glad the kid had watched so many movies that he came up with this idea.

Once you were all armed and ready, you headed out to the same cars that you drove in to get away from the school. The tanks were basically still full, so you didn't need to worry about running out of gas. You all got into the same cars as before and sat in the same seats. As Jeno and Mark began to drive off you couldn’t help but wonder if this was you subconsciously searching for any kind of stability and routine, now that your life had pretty much fallen apart in around one week.

When driving back to your street, you took the time to think about the conversation you had had with Haechan in the living room that morning. It was just after you had told the boys his story.

~flashback~

The rest of the boys had left the living room, some going to the bathrooms and some getting a quick bite to eat before you set off. You stood in front of Haechan, neither of you saying anything. You weren't really sure what to say, you had essentially just told his bigger secret to four almost strangers without his permission. You guessed the best thing to do would be to apologise.

‘I’m sorry.’ You lifted your eyes from the floor and looked directly at him. ‘It wasn't my place to tell them that at all and I should have made sure it was okay with you. I’m really sorry.’

When he still said nothing your feelings went out of control slightly, feeling as though you had massively betrayed his trust and he would never forgive you and then you would lose your best friend, the person you cared about more than anyone else you had ever met. With all these thoughts swirling around your head and your anxiety fuelling them to get more and more out of control, you couldn't help the tears that started to form in your eyes.

This made you frustrated with yourself. If either of you should be crying it should be Haechan, he just had to relive the day his mother died. Haechan was also crying, but the point was that you shouldn't be.

Haechan gently wiped away the tears that were gently falling down your cheeks. Then he proceeded to place a feather light kiss on your forehead before bringing you into a hug.

‘Thank you.’ He whispered ‘Renjun and Jeno came to get me as soon as they agreed with you, and I- I wanted to come in and stop you, that's why I was in the doorway, but when I heard you telling them what had happened I just listened. And I remembered my mum and all the good she did and how she always fought for the right things and then I heard you say how I take after her and-’

His words were caught in his throat as he choked on a sob. Haechan had always worn his heart on his sleeve and was never good at hiding his emotions. Talking about his mother was something that had always been impossible for him to do without breaking down. He couldn't even think of her without tearing up. But through the tears he continued, determined to say what was on his mind.

‘It reminded me of how much I need to fight to protect everyone. I know the likelihood is that my sister isn't alive, but I have to check. Mum always taught me how to be strong for others, and I’m going to do that, for her. I promised her I would protect those that I loved, those around me and I can't let her down, especially not now. So thank you, because hearing that story, as painful as it is, reminded me of my reason to fight.’

You kept silent, knowing that Haechan didn't need words right now but just silent reassurance that you were there and you loved him. So you pulled away from him slightly and looked him dead in the eyes before placing a kiss on his cheek. His lips curved into a small smile at your action, making you do it again. As his smile grew wider you soon found yourself peppering kissing across his entire face, forcing him to eventually let out the giggle that you loved so much. He pushed his forehead against yours and you breathed out a sigh of contentment. He pulled back for a second and you watched as his eyes flickered down to your lips and back up to your eyes. Did he want to kiss you? You did the same to him, and watched as he slowly leaned in, as if he was giving you time to pull away.

‘Yo, guys? Mark needs us downstairs... Oh sorry, didn't mean to interrupt but we need to get going soon.’ Chenle stood awkwardly in the doorway, watching as you and Haechan stepped out of your embrace and nodded in thanks. With that uncomfortable note he disappeared down the corridor so fast that there was still a cartoon smoke outline of his body hanging in the air.

‘So we should go?’ Haechan asked after a second of silence.

‘Yeah.’ You replied, a new kind of fear and determination taking over your body. ‘Let’s go home.’

~flashback ends~

You were replaying that moment in your head the entire car ride to your house. Haechan was going to kiss you. Your best friend wanted to kiss you, and you wanted him to. You weren't sure what this meant for your relationship either. You didn't know if it would make things more complicated or if everything would somehow fall into place. Or what if-

‘Y/n!’ Renjun’s voice cut through your whirlwind of thoughts. You turned around and raised an eyebrow at the boy who had been watching you for the past ten minutes. ‘Whatever you’re thinking about, stop it. You're overthinking.’

‘I have anxiety. There’s no other kind of thinking available.’ You sassed back, making Jeno chuckle and Haechan smirk slightly. The boys all knew that, even though you could be very logical and factual about physical situations, when it comes to anything to do with emotions or other people’s opinions, you start to drive yourself crazy with all the different possible scenarios you create in your head. You were always glad that you had them to tell you when to calm down though. So you nodded gratefully at Renjun who smiled back.

In the past week you had also noticed the boys being less teasing with you. Saying they were being more affectionate isn't the right word but, for example, normally Renjun would have rolled his eyes and jokingly complained about how much you need him and how lost you would be without him, but today he just smiled. You didn't mind it, you knew you were being less teasing with them. For you, it’s because of the fear. When you don’t know which moment is going to be your last, you want to treasure those around you so much more.

Suddenly the car pulled to a stop and Jeno’s voice uttered a sentence you had heard a million times before, but it had never had this effect on you.

‘We’re here.’

---

Mark had decided to stop the cars about a minute walk from your street, in a local abandoned park, one you actually used to come to all the time. It made sense, if there were zombies on the road you didn't want to draw masses of attention to yourself by driving into them in two large, black range rovers. You climbed out of the car, pulled then gun off your back and into your hands and looked around you.

Everyone looked nervous, you couldn't blame them. You were nervous too, but you also had a very strong reason for doing this. You began to walk, in silence, and luckily all you, Renjun, Haechan and Jeno lived close to each other. It made it much easier to get to all of your houses. You also learnt that Chenle lived a road over, so they thought they would go there to, and possibly grab some more weapons. Chenle didn't spend a lot of time talking about his family, he simply stated that both his parents were infected so they would be zombies now, and left it at that. It was clear he didn't want any further questions on it.

The streets were empty. You had thought that they would be full of zombies and you would have to fight your way through every step. But you know what they say, be careful what you wish for. Two doors away from Haechan’s house you suddenly heard a strange groaning. It was a noise you had only heard once before and it sent a chill right down your spine.

You all stopped immediately where you were and turned around very slowly. You could see a zombie down the other end of the street, and it didn't look like it had seen you yet. Taking this into consideration, Mark gestured for you to move forwards as quickly and quietly as you could. You had no idea how many more there were wandering around and would be alerted of your presence, were you to fire a gun.

With every step you took, it felt like Haechan’s house was getting further away, your heart pounding so hard you were sure that people could hear it. After what felt like forever, you had made it and Haechan quickly unlocked the door and you got inside.

You spared another look out of the window and saw more and more zombies starting to roam the streets, all of them being walking ghosts of their former selves.

The world became a walking ghost town.

You all tiptoed through the house, Haechan whispering out his sister’s name as loud as he dared. You spilt up slightly, with you and Mark following Haechan to his sister’s room and the others separating into two groups and focusing on seeing what they could get from him house.

As you reached the door to Haechan’s sister’s room, he reached up to push it open when Mark grabbed his hand.

‘Wait!’ He had a look of pure fear across his face.

‘What?’ Haechan stared him down, clearly not pleased that he was stopping him when he was this close to finding out.

‘Just, listen for a minute, I think I heard something.’

And Mark was right, he had heard something. He had heard the noise that none of you ever wanted to hear again. The low groan of a zombie.

That was it for Haechan, he burst open the door and, when he saw the sight in his little sister’s room, nearly crumbled on the spot.

His sister was lying on the floor crying in pain, while his zombified father was biting into her arm.

You and Mark seemed frozen at the sight in front of you. But Haechan didn't even stop to pull out his gun when he threw himself at his father. He pulled the older man off his younger sister and rolled on top of him, grabbing his knife and plunging it straight into his head.

You quickly ran to the little girl on the floor, pulling her head into you lap and stroking her hair as she cried in pain.

Mark ran over to Haechan, who had completely lost control at this point and was stabbing his father over and over again, wherever he could reach. Mark grabbed him by the arms and pulled him off him.

‘Haechan! Haechan, he’s dead. You did it, he’s dead.’ He shouted this right in his ear, somehow managing to shock Haechan back into the current situation.

Haechan’s eyes shot to his sister, currently lying on your legs and he ran towards her.

‘No...’ He whispered as the tears began to fall down his face. ‘Please, I can’t be too late, not again.’

He pulled the dying girl into his arms entirely, not caring about the blood that was getting on his clothes from her various wounds. He cradled the girl he had cared for his entire life, crying into her hair. Then she suddenly spoke. A quiet, yet determined voice that cut through the air like a knife.

‘Donghyuck?’ Her eyes opened slightly and, when she saw her brother in front of her, she smiled.

‘Hi sweetheart, I’m here.’ Haechan smiled back, his full of tears while hers was a smile of pure joy.

‘Good... now I don’t mind dying.’

Haechan’s smile disappeared at that.

‘No, no. You’re not going to die, we’re gonna take you back and patch you up. Don’t be stupid, you’re not going to die.’

‘Hyuckie, I don’t mind. You’re here now that’s all that matters. I knew you would come, you've always been my hero.’

‘But I came too late. I couldn't save you.’ At this point Haechan’s tears were overflowing, as were yours and even Mark’s.

‘But you already have. Every time you took hit from dad or told me to run to y/n’s, you saved me.’

‘Please... I can’t lose you too.’ He hugged her close again at that point, as the rest of the boys found their way to her room, following the noises from the previous attack. Upon seeing the scene in front of them, Jeno fell to his knees and Renjun leant down to comfort him, as the tears fell down both of their cheeks.

‘Don’t worry Hyuckie, I’ll be with Mum. I’m gonna get to see Mum again.’ Again, she looked Haechan directly in the eyes and smiled. There was no sadness in the smile, only pure hope and joy at the thought of seeing her long lost mother. ‘You can do this Hyuckie, you can be stronger than you think. You’re gonna be okay without me.’

‘But you were my drive, how can I keep going now?’

“You find something else. Someone else you care about like you’ve never cared before. Besides, I’m still going to be with you, and so is Mum. Hyuck, she’s so proud of you, you know?’

Haechan just looked at her as he continued to cry and she grimaced slightly in pain, the black veins spreading across her chest. It was clear she didn't have much time left.

‘Hyuck, can you promise me two things?’

‘Of course, anything.’

‘One, please make sure I see Mum. I don’t want to turn into him.’ Her eyes flickered towards their dead father a few meters away and, even though Haechan visibly flinched at his sister’s request to kill her, he still nodded.

‘And two?’ He asked, his voice at a whisper at this point.

‘Be Donghyuck again. Donghyuck was my hero, not Haechan, Donghyuck didn't run away from anything, he fought to protect me. Donghyuck is who came back for me today, please be him again, be my brother.’

Haechan seemed to be stunned into silence, but managed to nod.

‘Thank you.’ She whispered as her voice trailed off and she shut her eyes.

Haechan just sat there holding her and then pulled out his gun. No one said a word, all of you in complete silence, watching as he placed one final kiss on his sister’s head before he replaced his lips with the barrel of his gun, and pulled the trigger. She didn't move, having already been completely limp in his arms before.

Haechan dropped the gun and cried. He cried like you had never seen him cry before. His entire body moved with his sobs as he repeated the same sentence, over and over again, under his breath whilst rocking her back and forwards.

‘She’s with mum now.’

None of you moved, no one knowing what to say or do. You had all known that the likelihood of Haechan’s sister being alive was slim but none of you would have ever expected to be greeted with the sight you were. Not much time had passed before Renjun gently placed a hand on Haechan’s shoulder and spoke in a soft tone.

‘I’m really sorry but we have to go, we have four other houses to get to and the zombies outside must have heard the gunshot.’

Haechan nodded, understanding the situation but he still found it hard to let go of her. He stood up and carried his dead sister over to her bed in the corner of the room. He placed her under the covers, kissed her forehead and whispered a goodbye, as if he was tucking her in for the night. Then he turned around.

‘Haechan-’ Jeno started, but he was cut off.

‘Donghyuck.’ Haechan corrected him. Jeno didn't say anything, just let his friend finish. ‘She wanted me to be Donghyuck, so that’s who I’m going to be. Call me Donghyuck.’

Jeno smiled slightly at that. ‘Let’s go, Donghyuck.’

With that you all stood up and walked out of the room, Donghyuck closing the door behind him. On your way out of his house you stopped briefly at Donghyuck’s bedroom and he grabbed a few different clothes and also the three pictures he always kept in his wallet. One was of Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck and yourself, one was of him, his mother and his sister, and one was of just you and Donghyuck.

After grabbing these you all met at the front door and tried to figure out how you were going to split up for the next houses. Mark pointed out that it may be safer to travel in smaller groups of two or three so that you draw less attention to yourself and keep quieter in the houses. You still had four houses to go to, yours, Renjun’s, Jeno’s and Chenle’s.

‘Not mine.’ Jeno spoke suddenly, causing you all to turn and look at him in confusion.

‘Why not?’ Jisung asked.

‘Because all my family were infected with HD. I know that none of them are alive and I really don't want to see them like that if I can avoid it.’ Jeno avoided eye contact with all of you, clearly more upset about the previous events and this revelation than he was letting on.

Mark nodded and decided to split people up into groups.

“Right, ok then. Renjun, you take Jeno and Jisung to your house, I’ll go with Chenle and Haech- Donghyuck to Chenle’s house and y/n, you take Jaemin to yours. How does that sound?’

You all nodded in agreement, your house was closest so it made the most sense that you only had one person come with you. Less travel meant less danger. You spared a look at Donghyuck and saw him watching you with his eyebrows furrowed, a worried expression on his face. Before you all headed out again, he grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you into his kitchen.

‘Be careful, please? I don’t like that you only have one person with you for backup.’

‘Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Jaemin has saved my ass multiple times already and besides, I live closest to you, what's the worst that can happen?’

Donghyuck simply looked at you in disbelief.

‘Sorry...’ You mumbled remembering what he had just had to watch. ‘I guess the worst is pretty bad huh?’ Donghyuck cast his eyes to the floor, making you place a finger under his chin and tilt his head up so that he could look at you. ‘I’ll be careful, I promise.’ You hesitated for a second before leaning in and placing a delicate kiss on his cheek. With that you turned away and walked back towards Jaemin.

The plan was to meet back at the cars in ten minutes exactly. You and Jaemin exited Donghyuck’s house and headed to yours, which was further down the same street. You walked as quickly as you could and, due to the zombies roaming the street in front of your house, you used the back door to enter. Once you were inside Jaemin quickly grabbed your wrist and spun you around, needing to ask you a question.

‘Wait! This may sound harsh but I need to ask, do you want to look for your parents, or do you want to just grab your stuff and go.’

You thought for a second before replying.

‘Just grab my things and go.’ Your voice shook slightly as you continued. ‘My mum was infected so she won't be alive and, let’s face it, the likelihood is that my dad won’t either. I’d rather not get distracted by false hope.’

Jaemin nodded, his grip on your wrist sliding down so that he squeezed your hand comfortingly before letting go. You quickly explained to him that your bedroom was the first door on the left once you were up the stairs, then you began to walk. You had never thought that walking through the house you grew up in would ever be so terrifying, but every little noise or movement made you jump and swirl you gun around towards it. Eventually you and Jaemin moved side by side, focusing on keeping each other safe no matter what.

You reached the stairs and began to climb them, you speed growing slightly. You weren't sure if zombies could climb stairs, you definitely couldn't picture it but you didn't want to take any risks. Once you reached the top, you turned into your room without wasting a second.

Luckily the house seemed to be completely empty, letting you grab some clothes and shove them into a backpack, while instructing Jaemin to grab somethings from the bathroom. Like Donghyuck, you also had some photos you wanted to take with you, one of your family, one of your group of four, and again, one of just you and Donghyuck. At a final glance you also grabbed your polaroid camera and film so that you could take some photos of your current group. You weren't sure why, you just wanted them. Jaemin arrived back with various things and together you shoved them in your backpacks, but you were both stopped when you heard that guttural groan that was becoming all too familiar.

You shared a frightened glance before listening to it again. Both of you agreed it seemed to come from the room next to yours. You stood up silently and grabbed your guns, switching off the safety as you moved out of your bedroom. You and Jaemin proceeded silently down the stairs where you were greeted with a zombie.

It was your father.

For a few seconds your dad’s zombified body just stared at you, his dull, grey, lifeless eyes boring into your own. Then he moved. He moved a speed which you had never seen before, letting out an inhuman screech while he did so. He landed on you and started biting anywhere he would reach. You pushed against him, pleading with you father to get off and let you go.

Then a bang rang out, stopping his movements. You felt something cold on your face and you dad fell off you to reveal Jaemin stood behind him with his pistol up, the tip still smoking. You brought a shaky hand up to your face and wiped your fingers against you forehead. When you brought them back down, you saw blood.

Your dad’s blood.

You choked on a sob, one that was so desperate to leave you that it almost couldn't. Then you broke down. Jaemin immediately found his way beside you and pulled you into his arms. You could feel him shaking from the fear of the past few moments, while he whispered:

‘I thought I was going to lose you.’

You suddenly felt something wet on you hair and realised that Jaemin was crying too. When you came to this realisation, you turned your body so that you could hug him back, knowing that he would need some comfort as well. This wasn't just you breaking down over your father, it was everything that the past week had thrown upon you. You had lost your entire life, your family, your home, the parents of your close friends who were like a second family. All you had left was your group of eight.

You weren't there for long, knowing that you both had to get back to the cars before your ten minutes were up. You stood up and stretched to a hand to Jaemin who took it gratefully. You kept holding him before you both headed out of the back door and towards the cars.

When you approached them, you saw that the other 6 boys were already there, so you and Jaemin jogged to catch up. Chenle noticed you both first, nudging Donghyuck who was nervously biting his nails. Donghyuck looked up and immediately moved towards you, pulling you in for a tight hug.

‘Oh thank god.’ He whispered, before pulling away and continuing in a normal voice. ‘We heard gun shots and-’ He noticed the blood on your face. ‘Are you okay?’

You nodded. ‘It’s not mine. And you were right Jisung.’ You lifted up your tape covered arm to show him the small dents in it. ‘Tape saved my life.’

Jeno walked forward, using his sleeve to pat and wipe what he could off. ‘Is it a zombie’s?’

You nodded, ‘My dad’s.’

A silence fell over the group as Renjun stepped forward to hug you. He had known your dad for as long as you could remember and you knew he was like a second father to him.

“I’m okay.’ You whispered. ‘Can we please leave here though?’

Renjun nodded as he pulled away. ‘Let’s go.’

With that you all piled into the cars and drove away from the street that once was home to you, but is now only home to the horrible memories created today.

---

It had been 18 hours since you had all gone back home. You had immediately taken a shower and washed off the blood and dirt from your body. In fact, everyone had had showers that night and gone to bed pretty quickly.

Donghyuck was still heartbroken about his sister. You heard him crying in his bed that night and you wasted no time in crawling into it with him. You wrapped him up in your arms and began to gently sing you are my sunshine. You had just made it past the first chorus before his tears had subsided and he thanked you. He told you that he wasn't going to cry about it much more than he already had. He didn't want it to be something that kept him back, no, instead it was fuel to the fire that was driving him forward. He had also finally avenged the death of his mother, allowing him to let her rest in peace and allowing himself to move on.

You were proud of him.

He also cried for your parents. The people who took his sister and him in every time they ran away to your house, which was very often. They respected his boundaries when asking questions about the injuries and often made excuses to invite them over for dinner without his father to give them time out of the house. He confessed that he felt he owed them so many thank yous that he will never be able to say. You reassured him that they knew how grateful he was and that they had loved him like he was their own. They had once told you that Donghyuck was like the son they had never had.

So you lay in bed together that night, humming comforting songs and mourning the losses of your families together.

By the next morning, you all had another meeting. All eight of you sat in the living room on the ground floor, the silence sitting heavily on all of your shoulders.

Mark, who, as the oldest, had become the sort of leader of your group, spoke first.

‘I know yesterday was tough on everyone, and that's why I think it’s best that we leave here as soon as possible.’

The prompted everyone to look up at him in surprise, but, before anyone could interrupt or ask questions, he continued.

‘We had already decided that we couldn't stay here forever and the longer we do, the more bad memories we are making of this place. I think we should leave while we can still remember this place as it used to be. When it was still our home.’

What Mark said actually made a lot of sense to you. When you arrived at the abandoned park, you thought of the times you, Renjun, Jeno and Haechan would spend on the swings. And the time Jeno had help you after you fell off the monkey bars, how the 7 year old boy had insisted on carrying you back to your house and stayed with you while you mum patched you up. You remembered how he had insisted on teaching you the trick of climbing above them instead. You really didn’t want that memory to be replace with a different one. So you voiced your agreement.

‘I think that's a good idea. But we need to actually figure out where we are going to go and how we are going to get there.’

‘I think we need some rules.’ Jaemin spoke up. ‘Things like, never go anywhere alone, and stuff like that.’

Mark nodded. ‘That’s a good idea. We’ll create those after we decide where to go.’

‘Is no one else thinking what I’m thinking? About the zombies?’ CHenle questioned, looking around at all of you.

‘What are you thinking?’ Jisung asked, all of you clearly having no clue what he was on about.

‘That what if it isn't just people who are currently infected. Zombies are the living dead right? So what if the disease mutates and those who are already dead, and have been for years, start living again?’ His question added a new level of danger to an already life threatening situation.

‘The second people start rising we’re really screwed. The dead outnumber the living one hundred to one.’ Renjun stated.

‘Well, let’s cross that bridge when we come to it. No need to freak out over something that hasn't happened yet.’

Jaemin’s words made Jeno nod slightly, you only noticing because he was beside you. You nudged him gently with your arm and he turned his head to look at you.

‘Hey, you okay? You’re quieter than normal.’

‘Yeah I’m fine.’ He turned away from you and faced the rest of the group. ‘What about an army base?’

‘An army base?’ Jisung questioned.

‘Yeah. It seems like the place we’ve been talking about. I did a summer training course at one last year and they've got loads of fields that they used for training which we can use those for growing plants and raising cattle, they also have lockers filled with clothes we could wear and there will be left over weapons too. Not to mention that if we could get the security system back up and running, it would probably be the safest place on earth. Of course there will be some zombies there but I'm sure we could take them, I mean, what's the alternative?’ Jeno explained.

It seemed like the perfect solution, almost too good to be true. You knew it was likely to be very infected but Jeno’s question kept ringing around in your head: what’s the alternative?

‘Anyone got any objections to that?’ Mark asked the rest of you, to which you all shook your heads. ‘Great.’

After arguing for the next half and hour or so, you all came up with the 3 rules you agreed to live by from now on:

1: Never go anywhere alone

2: If you hear anything or see anything odd, find the rest of the group immediately

3: When running, no matter what, don’t look back

You had just finished deciding on these rules when a loud crash stopped your conversation.

‘What the hell was that?’ Jaemin stood up, while Mark ran to the front door. He was only gone for a few seconds before he shot back inside.

‘Get up! We have to go!’ He shouted, grabbing Jisung and pulling him up.

Jeno grabbed Chenle while asking ‘Why? What’s happened?’

‘Zombies. They’ve got past the gate, I don’t know how it wasn't electrified. But-’

‘What about the cameras, the alarms?’ Renjun interrupted.

‘They rebooted themselves five minutes ago and aren't back online yet. They have scheduled update system that I don’t know how to override.’ Mark explained and he stood by the door of the living room. ‘The zombies outside are about to make it inside the house, we need to get to the escape hatch as fast as we can. Jeno what’s the address of the army base?’

Jeno shouted back some numbers and an area code that you didn't understand, focusing on the sound of groaning that was radiating through Mark’s house.

‘Wait! No I can’t leave, I need to get the photos. Also we need our weapons, we won’t last five minutes without them.’ Donghyuck reasoned, desperation creeping into his voice.

‘There’s cameras there, we can watch and wait for them to leave, then we’ll grab our things and go.’ Mark reassured him. ‘Right the coast is clear, give me five seconds then run straight for the hatch, and remember, don’t look back.’

You all nodded and repeated ‘don’t look back’, knowing that you would run faster. This wasn't about not getting seen, it was about getting there alive.

Mark opened the door and ran first, quickly punching in the code and then the rest of you sprinted. You staggered how you ran to prevent you all crowding the entrance, but when it was your turn, you ran like you never had before. You didn’t look back, but focused only on the gap in the floor with Chenle’s outstretched hand waiting for you. You grabbed it and quickly jumped into the room, ignoring the steps there and instead favouring speed. It wasn’t long before Renjun arrived and then Jaemin, the door closing behind him. All of you breathed a sigh of relief as Mark quickly locked the door before turning on the lights and starting up the cameras. However, Jaemin just stared at the door above him.

Jisung noticed this first. ‘What’s wrong?’ His voice was shaking, not that you could blame him.

‘I- I didn't shut the door behind me.’ Jaemin stuttered, panic lacing his voice. ‘I wasn’t last so I didn't shut it.’

You felt your blood run cold as you looked around your safe room and noticed one person missing.

‘Where’s Jeno?’

The cameras suddenly blinked to life and you saw the house in front of you.

Mark lifted a shaky finger to the screen that showed Jeno and Renjun’s room.

‘There.’

‘No...’ You heard Renjun whisper and he suddenly threw himself against the door that was separating you from the zombies crawling your home. Jaemin grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him back.

Donghyuck immediately made his way over to where Mark was, pressing the button labelled speaker, allowing him to say something through the speakers around the house. Mark quickly flipped the audio switch so that you could hear what Jeno’s reply was.

‘Lee Jeno! What are you doing? Get back here!’ You could hear the strain in his voice.

Jeno sat down on his bed and lowered his head. ‘I’m sorry Donghyuck. I can’t.’

Donghyuck couldn't understand. ‘What do you mean you can't? Yes you can, we’re going to unlock the door and you need to get in here where it’s safe.’

‘That’s just it!’ Jeno shouted. ‘It’s not safe.’

A sob escaped you as you clamped a hand over your mouth while Jeno continued, the rest of you shocked into silence.

‘I’m sorry, but the only way you are getting out of here is if these zombies are killed. Donghyuck was right, you can't leave without your things and you can't leave that room until these things are gone so...’ He paused his sentence while he hoisted his gun onto his shoulder. ‘I’ll get rid of them.’

You walked up to where Donghyuck was, holding down the button yourself.

‘Jeno please... Please don’t do this, come with us, we’ll be safe together.’

Renjun stood next to you, taking his turn to speak.

‘Jeno, please. We can’t lose you.’

Jeno stopped where he was. ‘And I can't lose any of you. So please, let me do this. I’m strong, I’ll be fine.’ His halfhearted attempt at a joke fell flat when the cameras picked up the eleven zombies that were moving quickly through the house. ‘I’ll be fine.’ He repeated, much quieter this time, thinking you couldn't hear him. He was wrong.

You watched hopelessly as Jeno left the room with his gun at the ready and stalked around the house looking for a zombie. By this point, Mark had taken over the speaker button and was telling him where about in the house each zombie was. Your heart was in your mouth while you watched one of your best friends face this alone.

Jeno had taken out six zombies so far, but the last five were all in the same room. And they seemed to move fast. It seemed that zombies all moved at different speeds, and Jeno had somehow left the five fastest to face all at once.

‘Jeno, you need to wait for us. There is a clear path from where we are now to the stairs, we can grab our guns and help you.’ Mark quickly said, trying to stop Jeno from taking them on all at once.

Jeno looked out of the window and shook his head. ‘There’s no time. More are coming and bullets aren't gonna kill them fast enough.’

Jaemin rushed forward and grabbed the speaker from Mark.

‘Jeno, don’t be stupid we are gonna help you. Now wait there!’

‘Okay, okay. But be quick.’ Jeno held up his hands in surrender.

Mark unlocked the door and the rest of you got ready to run back for the stairs. Jeno was behind the door to the kitchen which was on the opposite side to the stairs, meaning you would be able to attack that zombies from both sides. Mark was getting ready to push open the door when Jeno’s voice made you all stop.

“Hey, I love you guys. Never forget that. Thanks for putting up with me for ten years.’

None of you replied, not understanding why it sounded like he was saying goodbye when you were escaping in less than five minutes.

Mark pushed open the door and you all took off. Splitting up once you reached the first floor, you and Donghyuck carried on again up to your shared room. You reached it and grabbed the weapons and backpack from where they were lying on the floor.

When you had both got everything, you nodded at each other and prepared to head back downstairs. You spared a look out of the window and realised that Jeno was right. You didn't have a lot of time. There were zombies crawling the streets and many of them were headed for Mark’s house.

You and Donghyuck had just made it down the stairs to the first floor when a bang resonated through the house, so powerful that it shook the floor where you were standing.

Once it died away, there was pure silence. Even the zombies outside had stopped moaning.

‘What the hell was that?’ Donghyuck asked, looking at you with wide eyes.

The rest of the boys shot out of their room, Mark saying. ‘A grenade. That was a grenade.’

Your heart stopped as you all came to the same horrifying realisation.

Jeno.

---

The next few minutes were a blur. You all shot downstairs to find him, only to be greeted with the remains of the explosion. You couldn't find any sign of Jeno. The only thing Renjun found was the silver identity tab necklace that Jeno had worn since his training camp at the army the previous summer.

Finding that had confirmed your worst suspicions.

Jeno had blown himself up to save the rest of you.

Donghyuck froze, Renjun screamed and you collapsed. All three of you portraying grief in different ways. Donghyuck couldn't move at all. Jaemin actually had to slap him across the face and scream that they needed to go. The blast had attracted every zombie that was roaming the streets. Renjun just yelled. He cursed out everything that had happened. He screamed at the disease and at Jeno for being too brave and too loyal. He cursed his friend for just not letting himself be selfish for once and let them help. Mark and Jisung grabbed him by an arm each and pulled him towards the escape tunnel. You just fell to your knees. The boy who had protected you since the day you met him was dead. The boy who taught you tricks on a skateboard and how to do a cart wheel was dead. The boy who was so scared that you might fall off the monkey bars again that he taught you how to climb across them was dead. And you didn't even tell him goodbye.

Jaemin ran towards you, picking you up and carrying you towards the exit. All the while apologising but saying that you had to go. You vaguely recognised the cars you would be travelling in, different ones this time. Jaemin put you in the passenger seat and you just about registers Chenle and Donghyuck in the backseat through your tears. You could see Chenle crying. You knew that he had looked up to Jeno like the older brother he never had. You curled up into a ball and just sobbed.

And it was like that that you started the next step of your journey. With one less person than when you started.

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kinsbin · 6 years ago

Text

Love Breaks Bones

Ship: Love Breaks Bones[Self Insert/Canon] Word Count: 2024 Summary: While out on a permiter search, Negan and Alexys are paired with a couple of guys who don’t see eye-to-eye with Negan. Words are said, and anger is initiated. Negan realizes that Alexys is more than just a pretty face, she has the attitude to go with it when the ime comes.

A/N: A commission for @bad-blue-moon-rising of her and Negan! She’s such a sweetie and her and Negan is a pure ship to write for I love them! I hope you enjoy it darl <3

Aexys thought herself a patient woman.

Most would agree with that statement at the very least. Those who had only seen her in passing could describe her as quiet, shy, and not very out of her way to be noticed. When first moving to Alexandria, hell, she hadn’t come out of her home for days save to get some food or approach Rick about one thing or another. The days it took for her to crawl from the home she had been offered were long and greuling, her anxiety making it difficult to stomach the mere idea of others around her. Of others staring at her. Of others simply judging her with their eyes and nothing more. Despite these fears, she functioned as any human being in the apocalypse was forced to do. They had to move and socialize, or else they as a people and society would die. It was the simple law of the land that even the most socially anxious had to fall under.

Even then, she blossomed. Those who had grown closer to her would call her sweet. A wonderful friend even if she didn’t think she was at times. Her smile was warm in the toughest of times, and her advice and jokes were enough to bring up the spirits of most around her. Carl had grown fond of her because of this, their humor commingling into something of a pleasant daily occurrence over a forced life of continuous interaction. Indeed, though it was a slow process, Alexys had made herself a part of the community in the end.

Only Negan knew how she could truly get when provoked, however.

Their trip outside the settlement was supposed to be a brief one. He, Alexys, and a group of others had begun traveling together around the perimeter to investigate a hoard issue rumored on the south side. Though it was small, it was close enough to make Rick feel the heat of those demanding something be done about it. He had sent them as a result in hopes they could check it out. To steak it out for a few days and return back with any news of the situation as well as opinions on just what they should do for it.

They sat by the campfire they had built for the night, bodies tense between one another as the entirety of the group was nothing but on guard. The mere howls of the wind sounded like the groans of a walker to paranoid minds, keeping their eyes flitting from one side to the other as they kept watch over the dark crevices surrounding them. The wilderness was now far more dangerous than it had once been, man no longer able to control what was growing out in it. The evolution of nature in the presence of itself was something both fascinating and terrifying all at once. Negan had seen what nature had become without the help of humanity and, if he was being honest within himself, it was something of a monster.

Negan gazed over at the girl to his side, his lips twitching into a small smile as he admired the way her face glowed in the fire light. She didn’t seem to notice his stare at first, focusing on the food before her being heated over the flames, a strand of her hair tucked behind her ear as she bit her lip in concentration. She looked beautiful like this, he thought with an insatiable urge to lean forward, pull some of her hair back, and kiss her temple with the utmost care he could manage. The action startled Alexys, her face red with embarrassment as she turned to face him with wide, shocked eyes.

“Wh-What was that for?”

“For being so cute.”

She let the laugh she was holding bubble over her lips, covering her mouth to hide the smile that broke out. It made Negan smile as well, their faces both matching in the moment they were able to share together. Their relationship, in such an apocalyptic situation, was one where all sorts of moments had to be stolen. Each little event was cherished as the both of them found themselves struggling daily with both others and the outside forces of nature itself. Negan appreciated all moments Alexys gave him like this. Above all else, he wanted to commit each one to memory, least the world choose to remove one of them from itself forever. She didn’t like it when he talked like that, but, that’s why he mostly kept it to himself. It was always a factor, but, why think of such a serious situation when he could enjoy the moments they had instead?

Their moment of comfort within one another was interrupted when their companions returned from their impromptu border patrol, eyes drained and sleepy looking after the moments they had spent hunting through the woods to make sure no walkers were near where they rested. Negan’s face shifted back into his usual gaze of neutral seriousness, a face he always seemed to hold how amongst those of Alexandria who were not quite sure about working with him. It was a wall he had put up daily, Alexys had realized after a while, and it hurt her to see it up so swiftly and with such little warning.

“Did you find anything?” Negan asked with a curious tilt of his head.

One of the men looked annoyed that he had even spoken to them, a sneer growing slowly on his lips as he responded snarkily, “Found a couple walkers here and there, took care of them...Not like we would tell you where they really were either way, a’ course.”

Alexys felt herself sit up, suddenly alert and aware of both the words and the hostility of the two before them. Her anxiety flew into her throat without warning, her stomach clenching at its sudden emptiness as she put her cooking food to the side in an effort to observe the two men as they continued their tense exchange. Negan only sat forward, hands clenched together as he raised his own eyebrow in unintimidated question.

“Not that you’d tell me...Now, why on earth would you not wanna tell me then? Considering we’re all out here, working towards the same thing and are on the same side...It sounds mighty unappealing to be kept out of the loop, don't you think?”

This caused one of the men to bark out a laugh, baring his teeth in such an animalistic way that it brought Alexys back for a moment in shock. She was reminded, momentarily, of movies she had watched long ago before the apocalypse even happened. Of comrades betraying enemies to monsters and witches in horror films, thinking it for the better and also because they were slightly wicked on the inside, craving the destruction of those they put in danger. Her jaw set and she tried to take a deep breath, eyeing Negan from the side of her gaze in an effort to get his attention. Are you serious? Her eyes held the question with sharp distaste. Negan eyed back with her, his lids narrowing. A signal to wait just one more moment, please. The man continued, of course:

“The same side? Give me a damn break! You may be all sweet and soft with Rick and the others on his side, but, we fucking see through you man! You betrayed us once and you’ll do it again! You’ll stab us in the back just like you did everyone else you were fucking close to, and laugh about it with that stupid ass girl of yours after. I don’t get why Rick didn’t just let you go for dead, or kill you himself!”

Negan had risen at this point, the insult towards Alexys crawling under his skin deep enough to make him feel the effects of rage in his personage. HIs eyes burned as he squared his shoulders, fingers tightening into fists as he prepared to throw this arrogant asshole into the sixth dimension. To insult her? While both of them were there? Negan wasn’t sure if this man was dumb, stupid, or both. He tensed his arm up, ready to deliver the blow without so much as listening to the rest of those stupid words falling from those stupid mouths of theirs-

When a smaller figure stood up and beat him to it.

Alexys had risen with a speed beyond what anyone was expecting of her. The man who had snarked his opinions loudly at them both barely had any time to react before the palm of her hand fell to his cheek. The smack that broke between their flesh echoed eerily along with the crackling of the campfire. In those few moments, the world seemed to slow down. Even the sound of the fire broke into waves, matching the way the heat radiated off of it. The world grew blurry for them all, spinning in a way it was not supposed to as its reality settled in.

Negan’s eyes widened. He felt his jaw go slack with the others as they all paused in their arguments to stare at her. Alexys stood, her body tense with anger as she glared darkly at the man now clutching his cheek. He had bit it in the process of her hitting it, causing a small trail of blood to dribble messily from between his lips as she dared to get between them and Negan. Despite her small stature, it was she who commanded all of the attention in that moment. Brows furrowed into a look that could kill, one of the two men stepped back, as if afraid of being struck should he do anything to protest the current situation. It was probably a wise move.

When she spoke, her sharp tone carried the weight of the forest with it, “How dare you...How fucking dare you say that? It’s one thing not to trust someone. It’s one thing not to like someone...but...but wishing them DEAD? After all of the things he’s fucking done for you and everyone in Alexandria-after all of the chances he’s taken and proven himself in!-You’re going to wish he wasn’t even here to fucking begin with?”

She stepped forward again, and the two stepped back on instinct.

“You shouldn’t say those things about someone literally fucking risking his own life with yours to scout an area to keep everyone safe! So you go sit on the other side of the damn campfire or I’ll hit you with my first next time you talk to him like that again, you fucking got it?”

There was a shaky nod, a mumble of ‘yes ma’am’ and the two scurried off across the fire, sitting on the opposite side of them before turning into one another, mumbling and checking the injury with a sudden humbleness that made Negan feel equal parts proud and confused at Alexys at once. He looked at her, watching as her form still shook from the momentary anger that had filled her veins like a molten lava. He gave her space as best as he could, waiting for her to cool down a little more before daring to speak to her. Anger was a touchy thing, after all. It made people snap when they didn't mean to. It was an emotion that riddled some with guilt and others with frustration in the aftermath. As a veteran of both emotions, Negan navigated it with skilled movements only he could manage. Alexys was his lover and his partner, someone he wanted to make sure was okay beyond the superficial status those clowns across from them brought onto their relationship. His hand reached out, touching at her shoulder to get her attention. Alexys jerked, but, otherwise allowed the established contact.

“You good, Angel?”

“No,” Alexys snapped, “Yes-No-I-ugh-I don’t know…” She sighed, holding her face in her palms, “I’m sorry I went off like that I just...they made me so angry, talking about you like that...I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted to rip their damn faces off, I just-”

He reached out to hug her, his body pressing against hers tightly. Alexys gasped, biting her lip as his lips pressed themselves on her temples and her hands lowered from her face. Negan sighed into her and she felt his smile warm on his lips as he nuzzled into her hair. Despite their time out in the wood, she still smelt like the homemade soap and shampoo she had helped to create back at Alexandria. The scent was already nostalgic in its presence as the two held one another in the presence of nature. Bodies pressed together with a comforting lack of space, their breathings becoming simultaneous as they relished the moment.

“Don’t apologize for how you feel,” Negan murmured, “If anything, it was kind of badass how you slapped that guy across the face. That’s my girl.”

“You...don’t mind?”

“I don't mind what?”

Alexys gestured helplessly around at herself as she took a breath, “Me getting angry...I...I’ve always been...I don’t know, I know anger isn’t exactly ‘nice’ on a person and a lot of people told me that and-”

Negan put a finger on her lip as she spoke, cutting her off as she raised an eyebrow at him. He looked back at her, gaze soft as he replaced the finger with his lips for a moment, pulling away and sighing into her as he whispered the next phrase so close to her that only she could hear.

“I don’t give a damn what others think,” He muttered firmly, “You’ve been close to me through worse, and by god I’ll be there for you too, okay? Anger is natural, Angel. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t feel it as easily as some of us do. So if you really plan on getting angry, by god I’m gonna be with you that whole way. Wanna tag team punch someone? I’m up for it.”

Alexys laughed, pushing him away as she blushed, the bubbling anger slowly fading with the help of his gentle nudges and soft kisses, praises for her falling like prayers from his mouth as he held her close. They ignored the two across from them in favor of watching the fire dance before them, talking of things to keep their mind off of the events and for remembering that, even though their companions didn’t trust them, they always had one another.

After all, a love like theirs could break far more than bones.

#self ship #self insert #self shipping #writing commissions #kinley writes #twd negan #twd self insert

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atmosphericshykid · 4 years ago

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2020 first aid kit playlist thing

My year began pretty well, but the problems didn't end just because we reset our calendars and all that. And with missing my life, feeling like a failure, most of my friends with arts/culture careers feeling similar, the pain/system/news, the chain of painful events that happened in February… I was walking around ready to cry the universal flood at any moment. A friend sent a video of a filmmaker (?) sharing his 2020 experience through films to a group chat so we could all feel less alone in our thoughts and feelings or something, and I finally cracked.

After all the feels I did what I do most of the time and went through my music to pick myself up. It helped. So I thought I'd drop some songs here to keep as a time capsule; and most of all, in case it helps anyone the way I saw that guy's movie list help me and my friends.

I first thought of 26 and Anxiety Attack, but I feel like they might be too much, so instead, I'll start with the gem that is:

It translates to “I am my own Monday” and after the awkward inside joke intro, it begins: “I hate feeling like I can't breathe, you know, my lungs should, but they won't expand / You have problems, I have almost the same problems…” and “it's a pity that if we work hand in hand it's due to the shackles that hold us” and “selling my time for money that doesn't fulfil me / doing things I wouldn't do if I didn't really have to”.

I should honestly just translate the whole thing, but here's the end:

Have you ever felt like your guiding light blinds you? / a single match can't illuminate the whole sky / I don't want to lose the shine that I brought / reading some other character's lines* / sometimes sadness takes hold of my mind / I brought the perfect records to face it

* or script?

And here's a fun story: no film festival is completely clean of intellectual/artistic elitism/ego. It happens to the best of people as much as I dislike it. A couple of years ago we made a press conference to announce everything music related in that year's edition: our film selection, concerts, special events, and the bands that were going to collaborate with the teams of that year's Collegiate Rally (my baby <3).

Lng/SHT was in the lineup and he was that day in the panel. When a reporter asked his thoughts on our festival he said “Yeah, I love it. They have something for everyone: from intense art films to more Michaelbayish stuff for guys like me who enjoyed Transformers.”

Repressing my reaction to our director repressing her reaction was so hard I almost busted a lung. Good times.

I think this one speaks for itself. The whole lyrics are in Bandcamp and I like their Tiny Desk.

This choice might not be for everyone, but almost always death makes us think about our own death, and this is one of the first times I thought about mine in a peaceful way. Here's some death positive media from before Ask a Mortician was cool.

I love the imagery in this one. And I love how I feel listening to it or singing it (my voice makes onions cry though).

I found this on thesixtyone back in 2011 when the apocalypse was a fun niche theme/genre/aesthetic. I remember reading this guy's bunker updates and the lyrics of his songs, and thinking “lol what a creative guy”.

It's been like 6 years since the last time I listened to this album, so when it popped up on shuffle last year during the quarantine… I began singing it because I knew the lyrics and then because of the lyrics.

Does it bug me that if I had been monologuing first, I would have had a decent Howard Ashman transition? Yes.

But for a moment, my life was a musical, I had a solo, and I'm not ashamed to say it.

I like this album a lot. I like the home movie element in this song, but other than that I don't think I have anything else to say D:

youtube

Be More Kind was the obvious option, but this song starts “let's inherit the earth, 'cause no one else is taking it” and YES.

Also, I thought this needed a little energy.

I believe you can sing this song and omit the “not” in “I'm not sad” if you feel like it. I found the lyrics very relatable and I think I needed someone to remind me that “who I'll be needs who I am”.

youtube

When most people think of Beethoven they think of Napoleon, his 5th Symphony, the age of revolution, the heroic spirit, and such. Listen to the opening and see where your mind goes.

I think we should also remember that his friends called him Louie or Luigi, and when he began losing his hearing he got very depressed and contemplated suicide. Intestinal ailments are one of the least glamourous things that come with stress and depression. And still, the opening of this movement is inspired by burps, farts, and that kind of noises. I don't know if this was his idea of humour at the time, but the fact that he wrote something so allegro molto when he was at his lowest, is beautiful to me.

youtube

Re: Stacks I think is the perfect ending to For Emma Forever Ago. I love this song. It's a warmer tonal shift in the album, it's about an ending marking a new beginning, there is something there about stacks that (I think) represent the effort and time JV put in, just for everything to fall apart…

I like that “this is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization”, and you don't need to forget about your pain to start a new chapter. Finally, if you listen closely you'll hear Justin put away his guitar, get up and walk away. I like that that's there.

There was a band called Kithkin and it is awesome. They made an LP called "Rituals, Trances & Ecstasies for Humans in Face of The Collapse" seven years ago. It is also a favorite. Sorcerer is the last song. I love it on its own, and I think it's a good end to this playlist. Here is the whole lyrics, and here's the part I'll quote:

I know / Every answer begs a question / Every end is just a new beginning / I hope / I'm right

I know / If the worst is yet to come / Then the best is gonna follow / I hope / We survive

youtube

Sorcerer is Sorcerer, but I decided to add this version of Hope for the optimism. Tom Rosenthal is one of my favorite artists and I love all of his songs equally: the funny ones, the sleepy ones, the soppy ones, the emotional ones… all of them.

And the videos are a gem, sometimes I do Tom Rosenthal video marathons because that's how much I enjoy them.

The song is self-explanatory, and I like the video because it reminds me of community and connection, creativity, and that there are lovely people out there who are worth everything.

(That conclusion was too cheesy, but I guess I'll have to live with that and leave Carlos & Miguel a death threat.)

#Bandcamp #playlist #tmi #todo va a estar bien amix

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curledlife · 7 years ago

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22 Questions Tag!

I was tagged by @softparkkyung & @sparklytaeyang (I combined both of them) THANK YOU SO MUCH <3!!!

1. What color reminds you of home? or of a safe space?

Usually fall colors, red and gold because my family is Taiwanese. We usually have a dragon around the house, a nice Buddha statue, and a bunch of red & gold calenders and charms :D

2. What’s your favorite season and why?

Spring because it get’s warmer!!! (it may as well be scorching hot, guys CLIMATE CHANGE IS A THING)

3. What’s the first thing you look at when you meet a person?

Their eyes. I would usually talk to someone without meeting their eyes and then I came to the realization that that is pretty rude?? I guess in a way so, if I stare are you, it’s mainly cause I’m looking at your eyes xD.

4. What type of songs do you like?

I like meaningful songs most of the time. I listen to a variety so it depends on my mood.

5. What are you afraid of at the moment?

Death (the obvious), the future, FUCKING FINALS ;-;

6. what is one trait you wish people would appreciate about you more?

I guess loyalty??? Like I’m not really the one person that people would think about talking to when they have a problem so that sucks cause I am a very good listener. I am also a very kind and loyal person until someone plays me for absolute shit, that’s when Savage J comes out and no one wants that.

7. What is your favorite au?

I like apocalypse AUs and weird demon AUs!!! (also a sucker for some romance)

8. What’s your favorite mv concept?

Hmmmm I usually love dark MV’s with a lot of symbolism in them. For example, Voodoo Doll by VIXX, Blood Sweat & Tears by BTS (it’s pretty dark, THE THEORIES), Toy by Block B, and etc!

9. Name a song you want to dedicate to your ultimate bias and why?

Eyes, Nose, Lips by Taeyang to Taehyung because that’s all I’m reminded of and it flutters my heart. Ring Ding Dong by Shinee to Mino.....JUST IMAGINE HIM DOING THE DANCE OMFG. Dream in a Dream by Ten to Junhoe....he’s an absolute dream, sue me.

10. What languages do you speak?

English and broken Mandarin, Italian, German, and French....it’s due to all the music I listen to as well as what shows I watch. I am currently learning Korean and more Mandarin :D

11. Favorite Line From a Song

PSHHH HERE COMES SERENDIPITY, NO ONE ASKED FOR IT BUT FUCK THAT LOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

When you call me I go to your flower As if I’ve been waiting We bloom till it gets cold Maybe it’s the way of the universe That’s how it is You know I know You and me, I am you - ESPECIALLY THIS PART (Serendipity by BTS)

and here’s an add on

Ring Ding Dong, Ring Ding Dong, Ring Diggy Ding Diggy Ding Ding Ding Ring Ding Dong, Ring Ding Dong, Ring Diggy Ding Diggy Ding Ding Ding - Ring Ding Dong by Shinee (YES I’M LITERALLY LISTENING TO THIS RN AS I ANSWER THESE)

1. favorite book series/book

THE SHADOWHUNTERS / CITY OF BONES AND STUFF. I ALREADY PREORDERED THE BOOK THAT’S SUPPOSED TO COME OUT NEXT YEAR AHH

2. favorite movie

Mad Max: Fury Road :D

3. what is your philosophy

To be honest and kind to others as you don’t know what they may be going through. Live your life sorting out the positives instead of looking for the negatives.

4. who is your bias and why

I have a lot of them honestly. Usually, they are the savage ones, weird ones, quirky ones of the group xD

5. are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? if so, why

Hmmm I guess so??? I just know how to not put me in a bad mood then and that is a good thing xD

6. when you’re in a bad mood, do you prefer to be alone or with people

I usually want to be alone. When I’m around people so much, I feel like I can’t think and then I get a giant ass headache so that sucks. I also get annoyed easily sometimes (I get it from my mother).

7. if you could start over, what would you do differently

Stop overthinking and be more involved

8. favorite thing about your favorite band

So my fav band is Of Mice & Men (when Austin Carlile was still in it cause I haven’t heard the new songs) because they really hit my heart strings....like I cried for an entire album

9. what’s your favorite thing about yourself? why?

My writing and video editing because I am self-taught!! IT WASN’T EASY but I got through the hard parts :D so I am proud of myself. I also have poetry books on Wattpad as well as a collection of all my poems. If you wanna check it out, just ask me for my user!

10. what do you think is at the edge of the universe

Most likely nothing, the universe if full of possibilities but so far, it’s been cold air.

11. when you don’t like yourself, how do you make yourself feel better

Listen to music, write it out then throw it away, get motivated that something may happen if I don’t do it etc.

Tags: @pinklemonss @cheri-bun @wheretheheavenarewe @lovepaintt @jhopelipmole @pufflejongin @lolxiuminseok @zikwonkitty @moanbyul-yi @piedparkjimin @justacupofcoffee @zicowoofles @aheartchanges @baekrkm @s10bh-n @violent--delights @aesthetic-af-bitch @mistletoeyugy @samsonnn47 (decided to tag other people this time, you don’t have to do it!!)

#curledtag #thank you for the tag!!!!!!#HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY #kinda kpop

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

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What is the reason you last got a new cell phone? because I needed phone with internet connection

Are you more masculine or feminine? dunno, smth in between?

Which name have you kissed the most people with? I only kissed one person in my entire life

Do you enjoy All You Can Eat buffets? yes

Have you ever seen the band/artist you’re listening to live? I didn’t attend any Momomoyouth concerts

Last thing you printed off a computer? short story that I’ve written

Last thing you threw in the garbage? not sure what was last

Last black person you hugged? I saw few black people but never even had a chance to talk to them

Is life hard? for me it is, I know some people have it worse but still

Who does the song you’re listening to remind you of? nothing, I just enjoy it

Have you ever had anything pierced that isn’t anymore? never had anything pierced ever

Would you consider yourself “tough”? it’s complicated

Headphones or earbuds? headphones

Do you support freedom of speech? I think some stuff should be censored like bullying

Are you ever told you are too opinionated? maybe

Do you hold grudges for long? sometimes

What’s in your garden/backyard? you mean plants or other stuff like furniture or decor?

Do you own a purple pillow? nope

Do you have a brown blanket? nah

Do you think diamonds, stars or hearts are prettier? stars

Have you ever overflown a bath? noooo

Do you appreciate brutal honesty? not brutal but I appreciate honesty in general most of the time

When was the last time you ate meat? yesterday

Have your parents met your gf/exes? they met my current gf and my ex S.

How about your gf’s parents? Met them? I met my current gf’s parents

Do you feel uncomfortable easily? kinda

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? yup

What age will you be when you times your current age by two? 56

Do you find the sound of a cats purr relaxing? hmm...

Are you in a simple or complex mood? complex

Do you know your Mum’s first pets name? I need to ask my mom’s guinea pigs’ name :o

*she doesn’t remember

Do you like car racing? playing car racing games, don’t like to brag but I’m very good at it actually

What is your closest uncle/aunt called? to me it’s my aunt Alicja (Alice)

Do you wear underwear to bed? when I have my period to have extra protection

Do you get angry, depressed or nervous more? all at once

What is something obvious about you that everyone notices? that I’m short

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? what for?

Do you like Sapphires? I don’t

What about you do you think your friends dislike? ask them

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any) I don’t want any and would allow but no sex! at least use protection or birth control

What’s something about adult life you were never warned of or prepared for? amount of illnesses for example

How often do you wash your car? I don’t have a car

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? fb messanger

Do you find it easy to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes? I believe

Have you ever kissed a smoker? I have not

If you won the lottery, do you think any of your family members would ask you to give them some of your money? my parents wouldn’t have to ask :)

What is the craziest thing you’ve seen happen at your workplace? crazy is that one of the coworkers actually disappeared - he left his stuff and didn’t took the money for the job - he was never found

Have you ever disliked a book so much that you didn’t finish it? many times

Do you think tomorrow will be a better day than today? hope so

A word that describes you, starting with the last letter of your last name?: asexual

What is the age difference between the last two people you kissed romantically?: -

How many hours have you worked this month?: zero

How did you or whoever come up with the name(s) for your pet(s): he was fattest among his siblings as a puppy and used to eat a lot later too, he even ate roof of his house lmfao

Last time you washed your hair?: Monday’s night

What is your weight?: about 40 kg, I didn’t check recently

Last article of clothing you purchased?: dad bought a hoode NOT INTERESTED for me in second hand because I cold so cold yesterday but I worry I still got a flu :(

Last electronic you purchased?: powerbank from what I remember

What is your blood type?: no idea

Who did you last walk a dog with?: my dad, we always go together for walks because it’s quite dangerous to wander alone around the forest

Ride bikes with?: same

For what reason did you last high five someone?: I virtually high fives my gf because we agreed on smth

Are you emotional? I’m more analytical/logical/overthinker but I still am very emotional Have you ever cut/burned yourself intentionally? ... Have you ever noticed the hidden adult jokes inside of kid shows/movies? in Shrek, the one about penis

Do you sin often? only God knows What do you think happens after you die? we have a funeral :P Are you afraid to die? I’m afraid of looking stupid and people laughing, being a burden, others trying to save me (or me trying to save myself of course) and failing, someone stealing my stuff while I’m unconscious, suffering for a long time, waking up in a casket, going to hell etc. If you had the chance, would you want to know the date of your death? YES Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough? I’m not enough and yet too much if you know what I mean Are you jealous of your siblings? I am, she’s lucky, normal

Are you always wanting more? I want more than I have but not as much as people usually want - I want health and enough money to not just barely survive but I don’t dream about career, kids, big house, fame, talents, travelling, beauty, long life etc. Do you make good first impressions? pfft Do you consider yourself guarded? it seems Do you like animals? majority but still wouldn’t want to own them

Do you think doctors prescribe medicine too often? absolutely, too many meds are causing more problems than help and the fact lots of them are sold without prescription makes me angry and sad Do you enjoy getting drunk, or do you feel like you’re losing all control? I don’t drink because I don’t like the taste/smell and the consequences - losing control is one of them but also hangover and puking for examples Do you think the internet is dangerous? almost everything can be

Who do you think has the most pressure to be good-looking; guys or girls? women are pressured more to be attractive Do you care what impression you make on people? not much Honestly, do you say racist things? nah Do your parents put way too much pressure on you? not really Do you think people overreact when their pets die? not usually

Has anyone ever told you they needed space? that’s what I say!

Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocalypse? smth similar

Do you get offended really easily? I’m pretty sensitive

Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? not wall, furniture

Ever been turned down in a really mean way? in my opinion that was hurtful

Are you ticklish? I am and hate that about me

Do you currently have a pair of UGG boots? I use them as slippers during winter :3

When was the last time you had a stomach ache? morning

Have you ever been to a circus? at least once <3

Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? I live in a drama movie Do you ever regret giving your number to people? regretted Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? fuck you! Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? obvi Do you still watch South Park? I never did You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? been doing it for free :( What’s the last thing you returned at a store? tried to return computer and even tho it was on guarantee they didn’t fix it, it didn’t work from the start and it’s only getting worse >.< Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? it’s so much fun! :D If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? green What’s your television addiction? non existent Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? 4 hours of root canal without anesthesia Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? tried but I’m bad at it Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? preffered collages Do you give everything you do 100%? I half ass majority of the things I do

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? raccoon? XD actually a bird I guess One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? somewhere I could fall down like from the roof or into a deep hole and where are sharp objects etc. Are you claustrophobic? just my head is, I’m scared to be stuck in smth with my head, I know it’s strange If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I just want a good life... but never come back would be a better option - no more death Easiest way to scare you? jump scares What was your last nightmare about? personal

Do you own any knee-high boots? no longer Have you ever kissed a dog on the mouth? disgusting!

How many squares of toilet paper do you use at a time? 2-3 Have you ever had acupuncture done to you? heard you can get ill outta that Do you play hopscotch? played a bit as a child Are you jealous of beautiful people? rarely Are you foolish and naive? I try my best not to be yet end up being fooled at times anyway Do you play with the food on your plate? my mom does and that annoys me When you were born was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck? luckily not Have you ever taken a mud bath? no thx Do you have nude photos of yourself posted on the internet? I didn’t even really took any to begin with Are you considered “normal”?

Do you want to skydive? nah Have you ever been told that you talk too much? and not enough, you can’t please anyone

What’s the latest youtube channel you’ve discovered and binge-watched? https://www.youtube.com/c/naomijon/videos

Do you think your hair looks better long or short? it’s ugly

Do you look best with or without bangs? I prefer no bangs

Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? I like filters sometimes but not editing

Which season do you wish would last longer? summer

Haw many outdoor birthday parties have you had? none, sadly, my birthday is during winter so I can’t

How much taller or shorter are you than your mom? like 10 cm taller even tho I’m so tiny

Do you have neat handwriting? r u kidding?...

Would you rather hike a mountain or dive into the sea? hike

Which Barbie doll was your favorite? that one I slept with and broke her neck but I loved my Ken as much (and broke his legs but my dad fixed him) - that’s unusual as those are the only toys I actually ever broke (not counting my fav stuffed animal that lost it’s head but my mom sewed it back) and not because I didn’t care for them like some kids but because I loved them

Do you prefer cheetah or zebra print, polka dots, paisleys, plaid, stripes or stars? animal prints are ok at times, paisley and some kinds of plaid too but I love stripes and stars and hate polka dots

Do you like your natural hair color? whatever

Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid? later in life I wanted to become an actress

Have you ever been to a gynecologist? several times and I regret that

Do you use the Bitmoji app on your phone? used to

Do you get on facebook every day? yep

Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member? not that I want to have kids but yes

List three names that sound similar to your name. apparently Zosia is similar to Zuzia but also Anna as it’s part of Zuzanna

What were you almost named? Lilia (Lily)

What does your name mean? same hahaha

Do you have any symptoms of COVID-19 right now? luckily not

Have you made your own mask to help prevent the spread of the virus? my mom is making those

Do you ever wish you had someone to hug? I have someone to hug

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amaanogawa · 8 years ago

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wherever you go, whatever it takes

Kurodai Week 2017 Day 7: Apocalypse AU/Angst (Free Day) “People speculated what the illness was: a bacterial infection, a deadly virus, a biological weapon sent from overseas, the rapture. Whatever it is, it decimated the human population. It turned civilization as mankind knew it into nothing more than a wasteland of brainless cannibals.” Word Count: 7666 Also available on AO3

“Well, that’s the last of it. You’re officially moved in.” Kuroo claps his hands together, dusting them off with a sense of finality. He plops down onto Daichi’s new bed without asking and gives it an experimental bounce. Looking up with his widest, toothiest grin, Kuroo waggles his brows teasingly, immediately ticking Daichi off in a way that only Kuroo manages to do. “I’m looking forward to spending loooots of time with you, roomie.” “Don’t call me that.” Daichi sighs, scrunching his nose with displeasure. “But thanks again. For letting me move in with you.” There’s piles and piles of boxes that Daichi needs to unpack and frankly, not a lot of space for him to do so. But it’s a room, and it’s home now, so it’ll have to do. If Daichi’s being quite honest, he’s actually looking forward to living with Kuroo; after discovering that they were coincidentally attending the same university, they naturally became quite close. Kuroo was a familiar face in the labyrinth of high rise buildings and bustling Tokyo traffic, far away from the homely streets of Miyagi. The apartment building he had been living in for the first three years of school was suddenly scheduled to be torn down so Daichi had no choice but to find somewhere else to live, and Kuroo conveniently had an extra room that his old roommate only recently vacated. Things had just happened to match up at the right time, and so here they were: roommates. “Celebratory beer and Mario Kart?” Kuroo asks, standing up and stretching his arms above his head. “Sure.” Daichi gives the cardboard boxes another wayward glance. He can unpack afterwards, he decides, before following Kuroo out into the living room and closing the door behind him. It takes 9 rounds of grand prix, 36 races later, for Daichi to finally throw the controller down next to him and accept defeat. He flops backwards onto the hardwood floor with a groan, his empty beer bottles rattling beside him. “You cheated. You must have.” He slurs, squinting up at the ceiling. Beside him, Kuroo is popping the top off of fresh beer with a chuckle. “Sure, if you want to call being childhood friends with Kenma cheating.” Daichi stares at him. “You didn’t remind me about that. It definitely counts as cheating.” “Reason number 147 you haven’t found a date yet: you’re a huge sore loser.” “I’m surprised you’re only at 147, after more than 3 years of keeping count.” The ongoing joke is stored in an orderly note on Kuroo’s phone. “Looks like there’s no hope for me. I’m going to be alone until I die.” Kuroo slides down to the floor beside Daichi, his smile characteristically lopsided. Daichi has grown fond of this smile over the years, even if he had found it to be suspiciously conniving back in high school. Kuroo is lying on his side, his head propped up on his arm, and reaches over to tap Daichi on the nose with a light finger. “Aw, don’t worry Dai. I’d marry you any day, even with 147 reasons why I shouldn’t.” Daichi lets out a rough laugh, cocks an eyebrow and stares back incredulously. “Not even if we were the last two people on earth.” — The flames of their campfire have died down to mere embers now, glowing softly through the haze of the night. It’s Daichi’s turn to keep watch and the night has only just begun, but he’s already feeling sleep pulling at his eyelids. He pokes at the coals with a stick and watches as small sparks float up into the air, a weak attempt to distract himself and stay awake. They can’t afford to be defenseless. Especially not at night. Daichi flinches at the sudden sound of movement to his side, goosebumps running down his spine. He’s conditioned to react now, to any possible threat, any possible presence that could mean danger. But it’s Kuroo there beside him, sitting upright and looking like he hasn’t slept a wink since he first laid down hours ago. “Can’t sleep?” Daichi asks, reaching over to drag his fingers through Kuroo’s gravity defying bedhead. It’s doesn’t do anything of course, because Kuroo’s hair pretty much has a mind of its own; there’s probably nothing on this earth that can successfully tame it. Not even the end of the world. “Nope. I’m getting too old to sleep on the ground.” Kuroo jokes with a groan, twisting his body to stretch out his back. “You wanna switch?” He should probably accept Kuroo’s offer, considering the weariness that he feels weighing down on his shoulders, but Daichi finds himself shaking his head no. “I’m not tired.” He lies, knowing full well that Kuroo can see right through him. “Right.” Kuroo smiles, cupping Daichi’s cheek in one hand to run a thumb along the dark bag under his eye. “Like there’s ever been a moment since all this started that either of us haven’t been tired.” Daichi says nothing, sweeps his gaze over the faint glow that the dying embers emit against Kuroo’s skin. And because Kuroo can see right through him, he doesn’t need to say anything more in order to communicate the fears in his heart. “Sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” Finally, Daichi relents, lying down on the ground and cushioning his head with his arm. But the anxiety that sits like a rock in the pit of his stomach doesn’t allow him to close his eyes. Each and every night, Daichi is terrified that if he sleeps, Kuroo won’t be there when he wakes up. Quietly, he reaches out to slip his hand into Kuroo’s. The warmth of Kuroo’s hand against his own, the reminder that Kuroo is right there beside him, this makeshift tether holding them together sends waves of relief through his body, so that he starts to give in to the fatigue resting heavy on his mind. “Goodnight, Dai.” Kuroo whispers. The light sensation of a callused thumb running itself along Daichi’s knuckles is what finally lulls him to sleep. Today was day 103. It had started as what seemed to be a bug going around; people were getting sick, one by one. Hospital emergency rooms were packed for weeks. The ministry of health encouraged people to wear surgical masks when going out and to wash their hands frequently. The symptoms: uncontrollably high fever, muscle aches, dizziness, headaches, nosebleeds, and after a few days, psychosis. The sick started attacking the medical personnel that were attending to them, and it was decided that anyone who checked into hospitals with the characteristic symptoms were to be quarantined for safety precautions. But with the rate of infection, hospitals were running out of room. When the first patient managed to escape quarantine, Daichi and Kuroo were having lunch in the university cafeteria. The television mounted on the cafeteria wall displayed the live news coverage filming the man escaping to the streets, attacking anyone he could get his hands on. They watched in horror as the man sunk his teeth into the neck of a passerby, continuing to devour nearly half of her face before the police were given orders to shoot on sight. The man was gunned down in the street. Things escalated quickly after that. Panic spread like wildfire, as more and more people began to go seemingly insane. People speculated what the illness was: a bacterial infection, a deadly virus, a biological weapon sent from overseas, the rapture. In the end, they never really found out. Whatever it is, it decimated the human population. It turned civilization as mankind knew it into nothing more than a wasteland of brainless cannibals. Kuroo is all that Daichi has left. Thinking about the loved ones he never managed to get in contact with back in Miyagi- his mom, his dad, his little sister, Suga, Asahi, Shimizu, the rest of the Karasuno team- hurts so badly that Daichi can only manage to do so in short, painful gasps of breath. It’s easier not to think about it. He can’t afford to, anyway, not when each and every single day is a fight for survival. He has no idea how much longer they can last. He’s jostled awake by a firm shake to his shoulder. When Daichi opens his eyes, the rising sun is peeking out through the distant horizon. Kuroo is pressing a finger to his lips with one hand, pointing towards the edge of the forest to their right with the other. The well-worn handle of the baseball bat Daichi has been carrying around since the start of the end of the world finds its way into his hands. For Kuroo, a machete. The pair brace themselves. There’s a silence suspended in the air, as if held up by delicate threads made of tension and stifling fear. Time seems to stop in its tracks, and all that Daichi can hear is the rush of blood in his ears, the pounding of his heart against his ribcage. He tightens his grip around the baseball bat. The threads snap. Three Infected come barreling out from behind the trees. Daichi has lost count of how many of them he has seen by now, but he can never seem to get used to the sight of them; the ash white pallor of their skin, their bloodshot eyes rolled halfway into their heads, mouths wide open and teeth always gnashing. Just one bite, one drop of Infected blood or sweat or spittle into any bodily opening and it’s over. Daichi and Kuroo have seen it happen dozens of times. It’s not like those cliché Hollywood zombie movies, because these people aren’t dead. They’re living, breathing human beings. But the world has ended and it’s a human-eat-human world now. Daichi finds himself caring less and less about how many people he has killed with his own two hands. No- not people. Infected. With a grunt, he swings his bat and cracks it over the skull of the leftmost Infected. Beside him, Kuroo slashes into the throat of the Infected to their right. The third of them is fast on its feet; when Daichi turns around, it’s already launching itself at Kuroo, who is struggling to dislodge his machete from the neck of the Infected he just took down. With a snarl, the third Infected is on him, pushing him to the ground. Hot, blinding fear courses through Daichi’s veins. “Kuroo!” He yells, kicking the Infected off of Kuroo before bringing his bat down and smashing its face in with a single swing. He drops the bat, falls to the ground beside Kuroo, eyes wide, fingers trembling. He can’t catch his breath. The ground is shaking underneath his knees, threatening to pull him under. “Did you get bit? Did you- did-“ “Breathe, Daichi.” Kuroo sits up, cupping Daichi’s face between his hands. “I covered my mouth and he barely even touched me before you got to him. I’m okay.” Daichi lets out a shuddering breath as he falls against Kuroo’s chest. Kuroo wraps his arms around Daichi, holding him tightly. They’re only allowed fleeting moments of vulnerability now, wedged clumsily between the blood soaking into the dirt under their feet and the dead bodies littered all around them. “We have to move.” Daichi whispers, after only a few minutes. He stands, pulls Kuroo to his feet. “The noise is only going to attract more of them. And we’re running low on food.” Kuroo picks up Daichi’s bat, lying next to bits of Infected brain. “I saw a town ‘bout twenty kilometers down the road, last time I checked the map.” They walk side by side down the seemingly never ending highway, taking breaks to drink what water they have left and sharing a stale granola bar for lunch. Before they even catch sight of the town, there’s a winding driveway extending just off the highway into the forest, leading to a small wooden house. They do their standard sweep of the area to make sure there aren’t any lingering Infected in or around the building before heading inside to the kitchen. “Oh man”, Kuroo grins, rummaging through the pantry. “We hit the jackpot this time, Dai.” Daichi lets out an exasperated sigh, turning from where he’s stashing some water bottles into his backpack. “What did you find?” With a triumphant cry, Kuroo lifts his arms high into the air, a dusty can clutched in each hand. “Pokemon shaped spaghetti-o’s! Tonight we dine like kings, my friend!” “Promise me right now you’re not going to complain about which ones you get and try to steal mine.” “Not gonna happen, ‘cause I’m gonna get all the best ones.” The outside air is preferable to the inside of the house, which smells heavily of mildew and rotting wood because of the damaged roof. The yard is fenced in with tall, sturdy wooden boards, and after checking to make sure there’s no openings for any Infected to get in, they start a small fire and heat their food in a pot that they found in the house. Kuroo does, in fact, spend the majority of dinner complaining about the overwhelming number of Pidgeys in his bowl of pokemon spaghetti-o’s. He insists on the both of them lifting their spoons before each bite compare which ones they have, and subsequently makes a huge fuss when Daichi finds a Charizard in his bowl. “It’s my favourite first-gen,” he had pouted, dejectedly stuffing a spoonful of tomato sauce covered Pidgeys into his mouth. Daichi relents and gives him the limp, vaguely-Charizard-shaped pasta noodle. The satisfied look on Kuroo’s face makes Daichi glare, but it’s a short-lived reminder of the Kuroo that existed before the world ended; the Kuroo that had the energy to fuss about random, senseless things. The Kuroo that wasn’t gaunt in the face, with dark circles and dread hanging heavy under his eyes. After their meal, a tense silence hangs in the air as they both stare into the flickering flames. This happens often after they encounter Infected. Daichi can tell that Kuroo had been trying to make him feel better earlier, to lighten the mood in the most Kuroo-like way possible. But now, with darkness settling over them like a blanket, the image of Kuroo falling to the ground under the Infected repeats itself in Daichi’s mind every time he shuts his eyes. He shudders, inches a little closer to Kuroo and reaches over to take Kuroo’s shirt sleeve between his fingers. A makeshift tether. “Do you ever think,” Kuroo starts softly, the dancing flames reflecting golden in his eyes, “of what you would have done differently? If you had known.” Kuroo gets like this sometimes- almost detrimentally sentimental. Daichi tries his hardest not to think about those kinds of thoughts, because it dampens his spirits and often, his spirit is all that he has to keep him going. Sometimes he chides Kuroo when he brings up these kinds of topics. But tonight, with the memory of nearly losing Kuroo forever flashing in his mind, Daichi gives in. “I try not to.” He says, pain thrumming through his chest. “But sometimes I can’t help but think about how I was just so busy with school that I didn’t have time to keep in contact with Suga and Asahi. I kept telling myself I’d text or call them back later, but I’d forget, and then by fourth year we were only talking once a month, maybe. I thought, after school was over in a couple months, that we’d catch up-” The next word catches in his throat and he bites his lip to force back the tears. Properly. He thought they’d catch up properly, sprawled out on Suga’s bedroom floor like they used to, talking late into the night about every little thing he had wanted to tell them but couldn’t, didn’t, find the time to. “I would have said I love you to my mom, the last time I talked to her.” Kuroo says suddenly, his voice coming out raspy. He’s still staring blankly into the fire. “I called her when the epidemic first started, to check on her, and I think I was rushing to a lecture or something, and I just- I forgot. I forgot and that was the last time I ever spoke to her.” Kuroo’s eyes glisten with tears as he continues. “I would have gone home more often to see her. And to spend time with Kenma. It’s not even a far trip for me, just 45 minutes for god’s sake, and I never did it. I would have gotten Yaku and Kai together for drinks, even if we were all at different schools and schedules are hard to match up, or whatever other pathetic excuse we had. I would have done it.” Even though Daichi wants to touch Kuroo, maybe put a reassuring arm around him as a reminder that at the very least they still have each other, the look on Kuroo’s face tells him that he shouldn’t. The night is getting chillier as they sit, even with the crackling fire in front of them, and Daichi begins to think that maybe they should head inside despite the smell; but then Kuroo is opening his mouth to speak again, and a whispered confession comes tumbling from his lips. “I would have told you how I felt.” It doesn’t process in Daichi’s brain at first. When the meaning of Kuroo’s words finally sink in, Daichi’s eyes widen in surprise as he jerks his head towards where Kuroo is sitting beside him. Kuroo doesn’t return his gaze. “I would have taken you out on a date- the cheesiest first date that you could imagine. Slow danced with you in the rain. Stargazed with you on that grassy hill behind our apartment. Rode with you on that giant Ferris wheel, and kissed you at the very top.” The first tear falls from Kuroo’s eyes, dropping onto his leg and soaking into his jeans. “I would have told you that I love you, before the world went to shit and people started eating each other and we lost any chance that we might have had.” Daichi so desperately wants Kuroo to turn and look at him. The hopelessness on Kuroo’s face is tangible, even though between the two of them, Kuroo has always been the eternal optimist. It’s an audible admission that he has given up. It’s throwing in the towel, letting go of any possibility of more. Daichi opens his mouth, tries to say something- anything- but nothing comes out. This was not what he ever imagined they would become, because he has always wanted more for him and Kuroo. More than what they were, and certainly more than now. There has to be something more for them than this, more than violence and fear and hunger and exhaustion around every corner. More than just barely surviving. If Kuroo gives in now, Daichi is scared that they’ll never reach it. “It’s-” His voice comes out begrudgingly shaky. He swallows, tries again. “It’s not too late.” Kuroo finally meets Daichi’s eyes, despair lining his features unlike Daichi has ever seen. “Dance with me now. Look at the stars with me now.” Daichi pleads, tears threatening to spill over. His lips tremble, wrapping clumsily around his next few words. “Kiss me now.” In front of them, the firewood pops loudly, echoing into the hazy night sky. A bitter smile spreads across Kuroo’s face. “It is too late. Haven’t you heard? The world ended 104 days ago.” — On the 126th day, Kuroo starts burning up. When the fever hits, Daichi’s heart nearly stops in his chest because the first thought that comes to mind is the infection. But a wheezing cough accompanies the high temperature, and chills wrack his body so violently that he starts shaking from head to toe while hacking up brown coloured phlegm. These additional symptoms, strangely enough, are almost relieving. Almost. They decide to temporarily set up camp in the next abandoned house that they find, but it’s impossible for Kuroo to keep watch or help gather supplies in his rapidly worsening state. Daichi starts secretly forgoing his share of food to give to him, in hopes that the extra energy can help him recover faster. But even after three days, Kuroo’s fever still hasn’t broken. On the fourth day, Kuroo coughs into his hand and bright red blood is staining his palm when he pulls it away from his mouth. Daichi slips away to cry quietly in the next room, desperately working his brain for a way to survive. It’s clear that Kuroo needs medicine. What kind of medicine? Daichi doesn’t have any medical knowledge aside from basic first aid. He can’t leave Kuroo behind to go scavenge, either- a locked door isn’t impenetrable, and Kuroo would be left defenseless if any Infected managed to break it down. Not to mention if something happened to Daichi while he was out on the supply run, they’d both be as good as dead. Daichi knows he can’t possibly carry Kuroo; he hasn’t eaten in nearly a week, has barely even slept for three days now, and his muscles are significantly atrophied from malnutrition. Aside from Kuroo’s failing health, they’re also running out of food and water. There’s just no other choice but to keep going. Daichi returns to the bedroom where Kuroo is sleeping and sits gingerly on the side of the bed, cupping Kuroo’s burning cheek with his hand. “Kuroo.” He whispers softly, frowning at the sickly pale hue of Kuroo’s skin. “Tetsu. Can you sit up?” A groan escapes from Kuroo’s lips as he rolls over, wrapping his arms loosely around Daichi’s waist. The sheer temperature of his body bleeds through Daichi’s shirt, and it’s enough for a fresh wave of anxiety to course through Daichi’s chest. It’s a strange sensation for him to be so warm to the touch; Kuroo has always been that person who is constantly complaining of how cold he is, always wearing more layers than is sensible, sneaking icy fingers under Daichi’s shirt to make him jump. During the winter, Kuroo would insist on curling up with Daichi on the couch, wrapped in the same blanket while they watched some terrible movie of his choosing. “You’re like a human furnace. It’s a good thing I decided to keep you around.” He would quip, happily nuzzled into Daichi’s side and looking very much like the cat who got the cream. Those memories are too much to bear, especially now with Kuroo looking like he has already taken half a step into the light. Daichi inhales a shaky breath before gently pulling Kuroo’s arms off of him. “Tetsu.” He says again, encouragingly. “C’mon.” Kuroo groans again before hesitantly beginning to prop himself up, leaning on Daichi for support. His breaths come in short, stuttering rasps as he struggles to stay upright, accepting the bottle of water that Daichi passes to him. After watching him take a few tentative sips, Daichi takes the bottle from him and screws the cap back on before retrieving the map that is sitting on the nightstand. “Do you think you can walk to this town here?” Daichi hands the map to Kuroo, pointing at the dot about 10 kilometers from where they are. “The pharmacy there might have some antibiotics that haven’t been taken.” It’s impossible to ignore the way that Kuroo has to blink a few times to focus his eyes, looking dazed from the high fever. He’s still trembling, despite wearing both his and Daichi’s jacket, and the bags under his eyes look like purple bruises through the pallor of his skin. “I’ll try.” He finally whispers, closing his eyes. Daichi nods. He knows Kuroo understands just as well as he does that they can’t afford to stay here any longer. He wishes they had the resources for Kuroo to rest for just a little more, but they’re down to a single bottle of water and one lone can of beans. Daichi also knows that the chances of Kuroo being able to reach the town is unlikely. If the long moment of quiet hesitation before Kuroo’s eventual I’ll try is anything to go by, it’s a thought they both shared. “We’ll leave in the morning.” Daichi says gently, reaching out to caress Kuroo’s cheek. “Just rest for now, okay?” As Daichi watches Kuroo sleep, breaths escaping his open mouth in haggard wheezes, he’s thinking about how thankful he is that he’s had Kuroo by his side from the very beginning. It’s only natural, then, that he’s with Kuroo until the very end, too. — Dawn arrives eventually, as it always does. The weather outside is nicer than it has been in weeks; looking out the window at the never ending expanse of clear blue skies, Daichi’s spirits are surprisingly and illogically high. Today was it, after all. Either they manage to reach the town and get the medicine that Kuroo needs, or they don’t. If they don’t, it’s over; it’s as simple as that. In all honesty, the thought isn’t as scary as it should be. Daichi feeds Kuroo the last of the canned beans, then helps him out of bed, acting as a support by draping Kuroo’s arm over his shoulders. “Ready?” Daichi asks when they reach the door. Kuroo gives him a weak smile. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” And with that final sentiment, they set off. Their pace is almost agonizingly slow because Kuroo is barely conscious on his feet, but he manages to shuffle along the ground while Daichi bears the brunt of his body weight. Daichi’s vision swims before his eyes the longer they walk, starvation and dehydration working in effective tandem to bring him to his knees. But he grits his teeth, shrugs Kuroo’s arm higher onto his shoulders, and continues on. Step after grueling step, for what feels like hours. It’s a valiant effort on both their parts, but in the end, they don’t even make it to the halfway point before Kuroo collapses onto Daichi, who goes down with him just as easily. Lying on the ground, staring into the begrudgingly bright sky, Daichi knows this is the end of the road. He sits up, which is a difficult enough task in itself because the entire world is spinning around him, and somehow finds the energy to drag Kuroo’s limp body over to a nearby tree. Daichi plops down against the trunk, appreciating the coolness of the shade and the sturdiness of the wood behind his back, gently positioning Kuroo’s head on top of his lap. Truthfully, it’s not as hard as he thought it would be, to admit defeat like this. After all, it is the apocalypse- the whole point is that no one wins. “Daichi.” Kuroo whispers hoarsely, voice barely coming out through his cracked lips. “Just go.” “Dumbass.” Daichi laughs. He smiles down at Kuroo, brushes his sweaty bangs off of his face with a gentle hand. “Where am I supposed to go without you annoying the hell out of me every chance you get? You’re all I have left. If you’re leaving, then I’m going with you.” Though the motion is barely even there, Daichi can tell that Kuroo is trying to shake his head. His eyes are swimming in tears, the first drops beginning to roll down the sides of his face. Despite how awful he looks, Kuroo’s eyes are still as piercing gold as the first time they met. Daichi has always loved his eyes- it can be so difficult to read Kuroo sometimes, especially when he’s having a bad day, falling into an uncanny kind of quiet. But when he’s happy, when he’s sad, when he’s angry- his eyes are always honest. It’s one of Daichi’s favourite things about Kuroo, topping his list alongside Kuroo’s stupidly untamable rooster hair, and his laugh that makes Daichi warm in the chest, and how underneath all the teasing and provocation he’s absurdly, ridiculously kind, and- Oh, fuck it. They’re going to die anyway, so it’s fine to admit that Daichi loves everything about Kuroo. Every stupid little thing. “Don’t cry, stupid. It’s romantic, isn’t it? It’ll be just like that god awful movie you made me watch with you about a billion times over. The one with the old people.” Though his tears continue to flow, a hoarse laugh falls from Kuroo’s mouth. “The Notebook?” “That’s the one. What was the stupid quote you used to say to piss me off?” “If you’re a bird, then I’m a bird.” Daichi wrinkles his nose in disapproval. “It doesn’t make any sense.” There’s a look of resignation in Kuroo’s eyes as he cries, because he knows that no matter how hard he pushes, Daichi won’t budge. He knows better. His lips are trembling around the corners as he tries his best to put on a brave smile. “Fine. But only if I get to be Rachel McAdams.” “Sure.” Daichi swipes away a tear from Kuroo’s cheek with his thumb. “You can be whoever you want to be.” A gentle breeze combs through their hair, the sound of birds chirping in the tree above them, and it’s sunny and bright and finally peaceful for what feels like the first time since all this chaos started. If they could just go like this, from a regular kind of illness and exhaustion, it really wouldn’t be so bad. “Daichi, I really-“ Kuroo says suddenly, squeezing his eyes shut. “I really, really don’t want to die without having kissed you.” Daichi laughs, exasperated and fond all at once. But he relents, leaning down to kiss Kuroo like he should have done years ago. Kuroo was right, it is too late. 5 whole years too late, because maybe Daichi has wanted to kiss Kuroo like this since that first handshake connected them together all those years ago, the tether that Daichi has been trying to recreate time and time again. But late is better than never, isn’t it? And who knows, maybe next time they can exist in a world that doesn’t come to an end, at least not in their lifetimes, and their reincarnations will be smart enough to act on their feelings sooner. Maybe they’ll get to go on the world’s cheesiest first date. Dance under the rain and gaze up at the stars on the grassy hill behind their apartment. Ride the giant Ferris wheel and kiss at the very top. Maybe in the next life they’ll get to have all of that. But in this life, right now, all Daichi has is Kuroo’s lips warm against his own, and it’s enough for him. It’s more than enough. So really, maybe it isn’t too late after all. When he pulls away, Kuroo is blinking through his tears, a tired but brilliant smile on his face. “You love me.” He says, not a question, but a fact. Daichi smiles. “Did you just figure that out, you big idiot?” “You love me.” “I love you.” “I love you, too.” “I know.” Kuroo’s lashes are fluttering against his cheek as he struggles to keep his eyes from sliding shut. He opens his mouth, tries to speak, but nothing comes out. It’s okay now, Daichi thinks, because to be honest, he’s getting awfully tired too. He slides his hand into Kuroo’s, holding onto it as tightly as he can. “Sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” This time, he’s the one that runs his thumb across the ridges of Kuroo’s knuckles, hoping that it will lull Kuroo to sleep. “Goodnight, Tetsurou.” Daichi whispers as exhaustion takes over, pulling him into darkness. — Blinding white lights are shining straight into Daichi’s face when he comes to, still propped up against the same tree. He raises the hand that isn’t holding onto Kuroo’s and tries to block out the light as best as he can. For a fleeting moment Daichi thinks that they’ve died and arrived at heaven’s gate. But it’s not heaven, as far as he can tell. Not unless heaven comes in the form of a rattling, rusty pick-up truck. When the driver’s door creaks open and a figure emerges from inside, Daichi is only just conscious enough to reach for the handle of Kuroo’s machete. “He Infected?” The figure nods towards where Kuroo has gone still in Daichi’s lap. Daichi doesn’t respond. Holds the machete up with a shaky arm. The man puts his hands out in a gesture of submission. Now that his eyes have adjusted, Daichi can make out the features on the man’s face. He’s maybe in his 50s, with salt and pepper hair and concerned looking eyes. “Easy. I won’t come any closer. I’m going to take a guess and say that your friend is the ordinary kind of sick, not Infected. If he was he’d have gone off the deep end by now, considering how you both look like you’re already at death’s door.” Daichi can barely understand what the man is saying. “I’m from a community. We have medicine, and a doctor. If you come with me, we can get your friend some help.” Instinctively, he wraps his free arm around Kuroo protectively. It’s too good to be true, Daichi manages to think, because god if his exhaustion isn’t making it incredibly difficult to string together a coherent thought right now. It’s impossible for something like this to happen when just hours ago, he had been prepared to die together with Kuroo right in this very spot. In front of him, the man squats down so he comes to eye level with Daichi. “Look. I can tell just by looking at you that you know you’ll both be dead by morning. So in the case that I am a bad guy, and I’m here to lure you somewhere and kill you, it’s all the same for you two, isn’t it? But if I’m telling the truth, and we can get your friend to a doctor, then consider it a pleasant surprise. Either way, you end up exactly the way you thought you would or better.” Daichi’s too tired to think about this kind of logical reasoning. Slowly, he lowers the machete until his arm drops against the ground. As soon as he does so, the man immediately straightens up. “Okay,” he says. “I’m going to come over there now. I’ll help your friend into the truck, and then you.” He walks over to where they’re sitting before crouching down to work one arm under Kuroo’s head, the other under the crook of his knees. Daichi doesn’t want to release his hold on Kuroo, but encouraged by the gentle look in the man’s eyes, he does. As the man lifts Kuroo’s limp body out of Daichi’s reach, a wave of anxiety runs through Daichi’s body, and he struggles to climb to his feet by himself. Slowly, he drags himself towards the truck, where the man is already laying Kuroo down in the backseat. When the man comes towards him, holding his arms out as support, Daichi shakes his head. “I can walk on my own.” He manages to say. There’s no room left in the backseat where Kuroo is stretched out, so he has no choice but to open the passenger side door and climb in. The man follows suit and gets in behind the wheel. Daichi leans against the window, his consciousness already fading again at the edges. “Sit tight, kid.” The man’s voice is the last thing Daichi hears before he passes out. “Things are going to be okay.” — When he wakes for the second time, for a brief moment Daichi feels comfortable for the first time in a long, long while. He’s warm and wrapped in something soft, smelling lightly of lemon, and it’s reminiscent of the cheap laundry detergent that his mom used to use. The moment is short lived as he slowly comes to and he remembers that he’s not home in Miyagi. In fact, he should be dead, either starved to death under a fucking tree at the outskirts of Tokyo or torn to bits by Infected while he slept. Bolting upright, Daichi’s heart is pounding hard in his chest as he realizes he’s alone in some sort of tent. He pushes himself up and tries to crawl towards the entrance but his knees are buckling beneath him like a newborn fawn. Somehow, Daichi manages to drag himself to the tent flap, unzipping it with trembling fingers as he takes his first look at his new surroundings. It’s mostly tents, identical to his own, spaced out in an orderly fashion. There are people, real, live, uninfected people, mulling about. They’re chatting with each other and carrying around baskets filled with fruits and vegetables and it’s all so unbelievable that Daichi feels like he’s in a dream. “Good morning. You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” He whirls around at the sudden voice beside him. The man standing there is vaguely familiar, and Daichi squints at him, confused. “W-where’s Kuroo?” Is the first question that comes to mind. “He’s in the medical office and before you ask, he’s doing just fine, but I’ll let our doctor explain his situation to you.” The man explains, reaching down to pull Daichi to his feet. “Easy, now. You’ve been sleeping for three days straight. We put an IV in to replenish your fluids and give your body the nutrients it was lacking. If I hadn’t found you when I did, I doubt either of you would have lasted until morning.” “You found-” A hazy image of a figure standing in front of a backdrop of blinding white lights comes to mind. “You found us.” “Don’t worry if you don’t remember. You were pretty much at death’s door at that time. I’m not going to confuse you any further with the details right now, all you need to know is that you’re alive and safe, and we can get you up to speed after I show you where your friend is.” Everything is all happening so quickly that Daichi’s mind is reeling. He still feels like he’s in a dream, that it’s just his brain tricking him into believing that the possibility of being safe still exists in this world. But the ground is solid under his feet as he follows behind the man. A few people who they pass smile at him. Real people, smiling and clean and going about their daily chores like the world hasn’t ended. It’s a notion Daichi can’t quite wrap his mind around just yet. They quickly arrive at a simple wooden building. The man raises a fist to knock at the door, and after a few moments, a woman answers it with a smile. “I’ve been expecting you!” She says, closing the door behind her and extending her hand to shake. “I’m the doctor here- call me Chisato. You must be Daichi.” “How do you know my name?” Daichi asks, confused. Chisato chuckles, sharing a look with the man. “Your friend has been asking for you, non-stop ever since he woke up. He had a bad case of bacterial pneumonia. It was exacerbated by his compromised immune system from severe malnutrition, but we’re giving him antibiotics and fluids. His fever has already dropped and in a few days, he should be right as rain.” Daichi must look incredibly overwhelmed, because Chisato clicks her tongue and smiles sympathetically at him. “You poor kids. It’s a wonder you managed to survive out there, just the two of you for this long. Why don’t you hurry in to see him? Take as much time as you need. Takuya and I will explain everything to you afterwards.” He’s probably being incredibly rude right now, but he really can’t help it. All Daichi can do is nod as he reaches for the doorknob. “U-uhm.” He says, turning back to Chisato and Takuya. “Thank you. For saving us. I can’t really…I don’t really understand what’s going on now, but I know that Kuroo and I are only alive thanks to you. So thank you.” It’s half assed at most, and Daichi wishes he had the capacity to express his gratitude in a more coherent way, but Takuya simply smiles and waves him in through the door before he and Chisato leave. The medical office is a single room with four beds spaced out against the wall. In the furthest one, Daichi can see Kuroo’s unruly hair sticking up against the pillow, a silver pole with an IV bag dangling from it is standing next to him. The IV bag slowly drips a clear liquid down its connecting tubes and into Kuroo’s arm. “Kuroo?” Daichi whispers, approaching Kuroo’s bedside. He looks much better than he did the last time Daichi saw him. The colour has returned to his cheeks, and his breathing is significantly less haggard than it was before. When he opens his eyes, Daichi wants to sob with relief. “What am I going to do, Daichi?” Is the first thing he says. Daichi furrows his brows in confusion. “What?” “Turns out, we’re not the only two people on earth after all.” Kuroo continues, motioning for Daichi to help him up. With Daichi’s support, he manages to prop himself up, arranging the pillows behind his back. He still looks exhausted to hell and back, overly emaciated from being sick and nearly dying, but there’s a new kind of fire in his eyes. One that had been long extinguished. “Even though you turned me down, I was hoping that you’d still agree when the time actually came.” This is pre-apocalypse Kuroo talking, smiling like he knows something that you don’t, going on long, confusing tangents despite knowing full well that Daichi doesn’t have a clue what he’s saying. Daichi takes a seat on the small stool next to the hospital bed, reaching over to flick Kuroo gently on the forehead. “What on earth are you talking about now, you big idiot?” The bed covers rustle as Kuroo reaches into his pocket. When he pulls his hand out, two golden wedding bands are perched on his outstretched palm. “I pulled them off of some Infected months ago.” He explains, like that’s the most pressing question that Daichi has in mind right now. “So, what do you say, Dai? Even if we aren’t the last two people on earth. Will you marry me?” All Daichi can do is stare at him, surprised and incredulous and confused. The last time they were both conscious, they were fully prepared to die together, and now Kuroo’s proposing. Proposing- and even if Daichi accepts, then what? They wear someone else’s wedding bands around, playing pretend like marriage is still an existing concept in this world? There’s no more shared assets, or hospital visitation rights, or insurance, for god’s sake. There’s absolutely no reason to get married anymore, because in this world as it is now, anything that isn’t done for the sake of survival isn’t worth doing. And that’s why, when he opens his mouth to reply, he finds himself saying a single shaky response. “Yes.” Kuroo smiles, wide and brilliant and if Daichi’s being quite fucking honest, for that smile he’d be willing to do just about anything. The tips of Kuroo’s fingers are cold against Daichi’s skin as he slips the gold band around the fourth finger of his left hand. It’s a foreign feeling, the ring catching the light and flashing brightly where Daichi holds it up in awe in front of him. This is it, he realizes, tears prickling at his eyes. The tether that binds him to Kuroo forever. “Say your vows, Mr.Kuroo.” Kuroo grins, reaching over to clasp at Daichi’s hand. “Wait, why am I the one changing my last name? You could be a Sawamura.” “Sawamura Tetsurou? No way. Too many syllables.” Kuroo whines, staring petulantly back at Daichi. “Well Kuroo Daichi is too few syllables! They both sound terrible.” Daichi laughs, clutching at Kuroo’s hands so tightly his knuckles go white. “I’m keeping my own last name.” “Fine.” A huff escapes Kuroo’s lips. “Still, you gotta say your vows.” “I don’t have any, you big idiot. How would I have known to prepare?” “It should come from your heart. Like how you’ll always love me and you promise to build a house for me like Noah did for Allie, or something.” Daichi can’t help but smile, even if a fond annoyance is already building up inside his chest. “I promise to always give you my Charizard spaghetti-o’s. But not if you keep being a giant pain in my ass, like you’re being right now.” “Daichiiiii! That’s not romantic at all.” “Whatever. Tell me to kiss the groom so I can shut him up before I fall out of love with him, already.” “As if you could.” Kuroo grins, smug. “You looove me. You love me so much-” Daichi grabs the neck of Kuroo’s shirt and pulls him in, feels the press of Kuroo’s lips against his own, and what he’s been unable to accept as reality finally, finally cements itself solidly in Daichi’s mind. This is real. He’s really here right now, pseudo-married to Kuroo, kissing him and feeling Kuroo’s skin under his fingertips and even though the world has ended and people are eating each other beyond the borders of this strange little community, Daichi thinks that he can go on for as long as it takes if he has Kuroo by his side just like this. Turns out Kuroo was wrong before; it isn’t too late for the two of them. Maybe tomorrow it’ll even rain, and Daichi can take Kuroo’s hand in his and slow dance with him under the droplets of water cascading down on them, silently but surely ensuring the promise of more just beyond the horizon.

#kurodai #writing #kurodaiweek2k17 #kurodaiweek #haikyuuwriters #hq

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