#this album is so so so fucking good tooooo like FUCK man

[lokissweater]

UGHHH I CANT UPLOAD THE PIC BUT MY #1 WAS SZAAAA ALL MY SONGS WERE HERS TOOO 😭😭 TWO WAS FRANK OCEAN 3 WAS MAC MILLER 4 WAS JHENE AIKO AND 5 WAS SUMMER WALKERRRR I HAD 25K MINS LISTENED TOTAL BUT I HAD 10K ON SZA ALONE (yes its 100% giving fangirl 😋😋) BILLIES SO GOOD THO I THOUGHT SHE’D MAKE MINE CAUSE IVE BEEN LISTENING TO HER FOR A WHILE TOOOOO ESP W THE NEW ALBUM

VERY UNRELATED TO MUSIC BUT A GOOD MAN WAS SOOOO FUCKING GOOD LIKE IM INLOOOOOOOVEEEEE

BIIITCCCHHHH OMFG SZA IS SOOO FIREEE I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHH !!! AND impeccable music taste my love and i had NO DOUBT in my mind that you did !! 😝😝😝 im a huge whore for frank ocean too actually jesus christ hes constantly blasting through my amazon echo 😻 bad religion 🫦🫦🫦🫦

AND BROOOO I WAS LITERALLY THE SAME FOR BILLIE MY STATS WERE NUUTSSS I WAS A LUNATIC ALL YEAR OVER HER BUT IDDDGGGAAAFFFF !!!! i’ve been a looney for her since her sound cloud days so this is literally nothing new and she has NEVER not been number one on my spotify wrapped 😝😝😝 AND OMGGGG IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR YOU LAUV BILLIE TOO PLSSSS LET ME KNOW YOUR TOP FIVE FAVS IF YOUD LIIIKEEE !!! HEHEHE <3333

AND THAAANKKK YOUUUUUU THANK YOU SO MUCH IM SO HAPPY YOU LOVED ITTTT !!!! 🥹🥹🥹💕💕😭😭 one of my absolute FAAAVS to write bc of the overall elegance and bc kento is a fawkin mAAAAANNNN and i need that so bad 😻😻

MWAH I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAVE A GOOD DAY MY HONEY !!! <333

[channiesposts]

bang chan nsfw alphabet

felt like i wanted to do smth like this bc i’m stressed and sad abt life and i think writing helps me not think abt the bad things in life <3 lmk if you want this w other members, bad things are constantly happening so i’ll have enough inspiration lmaoo <3333

don’t think i’m gonna add a warning but obvi mdni!! thank u <3

a - aftercare

chan is such a softie, i am too just for him. no matter how rough he gets, he’ll make sure you’re properly cleaned up, hydrated, and calm before letting you go to sleep. this guy is the sweetest person ever, his aftercare will be reflective of that.

b - body part (their face body part of theirs & their partners)

his favorite body part of his is probably his arms or abs. he works hard on them, he’s proud of them. his fave body part on his partner would probably be…everything. idk man, i think he wouldn’t be able to choose just one part he likes about you. if anything, he’d probably say your eyes. or your ass.

c - cum (anything to do with cum)

i’m glad that everyone here makes things abt chan having a breeding kink bc that is it! i feel as if he doesn’t really care much about cum. his own, specifically. he’ll cum anywhere. and he won’t mind if he’s just cum inside you or in your mouth. he’ll still eat you out / kiss you.

d - dirty secrets

i feel like his biggest dirty “secret” is his breeding kink. he knows that it’s smth not a lot of people enjoy. i think his biggest “secret” though is that he has a special little photo album of pictures of you that he jerks off to. he’s also a big pillow guy iykyk

e - experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

i saw someone say that he isn’t necessarily experienced but i think he has a good amount of experience. not tooooo much, but he has enough experience to know what he’s doing. he’s a quick learner as well, so he’ll experiment doing something once and get the hang of it. he fs knows what he’s doing.

f - favorite position

missionary. he loves doing other positions as well, but he’ll always somehow come back to missionary. he loves just looking at you, especially when he’s fucking you just how he likes. he also does like it when you’re on top, especially in the studio.

g - goofy (are they more serious in the moment or are they more humorous)

chan has his moments. since sex is such an intimate experience, and considering how rough he can get, it’ll mostly be a bit more serious, but there are times where it’s a little more giggly.

h - hair (how well groomed are they?)

fuck it if i knew, he doesn’t really care about hair ig.

i - intimacy (how are they during the moment? romantic aspect)

this man has had casual one night stands and i stand by that! but, he does like it to be a little more romantic. he’d prefer to have an actual connection w someone but a man’s got needs.

j - jack off

busy busy people have to rely on themselves sometimes. he does it a moderate amount, especially when you’re not around.

k - kink (one or more of their kinks) ((all giving))

we’ve got the breeding kink down. feel like he’s into choking, perhaps sadism (very very slightly). feel like he’s into a bit of humiliation. he’s got a vvv dirty mouth. idk, these are the first ones to come to mind.

l - location (favorite places to do the deed)

in your apartment. he likes to take his time w u most times, so he’ll want to do it somewhere more private, where he can’t actually take his time.

m - motivation (what turns them on and gets them going?)

anything you do turns him on. i saw a post once about how chan loves manicures and painted nails and i think that’s smth that needs to be talked about more. he sees you got a manicure and immediately, no matter how ashamed he is of that though, thinks abt how your manicured hands would look around his cock. he also loves seeing you in crop tops. honestly, he gets turned on by the littlest things you do. you can look at him and he’ll want to fuck you into next week.

n - NO (something they wouldn’t do, ever)

don’t think he’s that into piss stuff. idk the name for it but we know what i mean. tbh, besides that, i don’t think there’s not much he wouldn’t be willing to try at least once. he’ll try it once, decide it’s not for him, and move on.

o - oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill)

prefers giving. he just love seeing what his mouth can do for you. he loves receiving, he loves seeing you on your knees for him, having him just the way you can. but there’s smth abt having you lay there while he’s pleasuring you. seeing your face, seeing the way you squirm, the way you chant his name over and over again. saw somebody once say he’s a pleasure dom and i will die on that hill as well.

p - pace (are they fast or rough? slow and sensual?)

he can be both. he has those days where he will be rougher, will make you call him daddy, will edge you for hours. but he also has days where he just wants to show you that he loves you. he’ll be much more gentle, constantly kissing your face, holding you, and telling you he loves you whenever he catches his breath.

q - quickie (their opinion on quickies, how often)

busy busy people have to rely on quickies sometimes. he’s always so consumed with work and the way they’ve been working, it doesn’t allow him to spend as much time with you as he would like. i don’t think he’s that into public sex, etc but he will drag you into the nearest closet or bathroom and take out his frustrations that way.

r - risks (will they experiment? do they take risks?)

definitely experiments. definitely takes risks. it def takes a couple of times to get him to fully take risks but once he gets there, he will make you dizzy w all the suggestions he has.

s - stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he’s learned to control himself so he can cum with you, after he edged you for hours. he can last a long long time. it depends on his mood, when it comes to how many rounds he can go. some days, he’s down for one, two rounds. some days, he can go for what seems like hours and hours and hours.

t - toy (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

don’t think he has any toys he uses himself. but if you have toys, he’ll be more than happy to use them on you. won’t do a lot with them but will definitely bring them out once in a while.

u - unfair (how much they like to tease)

i live and breathe the bang chan being a tease agenda. he teases on his lives, who’s to say it doesn’t bleed into his actual life? he teases a LOTTT. sometimes it’ll be for what feels like hours, bc it probably has been. he loves edging you and will continue his teasing until he feels like you’ve had enough. or when he’s had enough and he needs to find his own release.

v - volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make)

i don’t think he’ll be the loudest person but you’ll definitely hear him groan and moan a handful of times in one night. usually just heavy breathes. he knows it drives you insane when he groans right in your ear so, position permitting, he will definitely lean down to let out the loudest grown right by your ear.

w - wild card

jealousy sex with chan. i will not explain any further.

no but he isn’t the type to get jealous but the days that he does see somebody get a bit too close to you or whatever else, he will fs show you exactly how he feels during the night.

he’ll make sure you wear that pretty little butt plug while he viciously pounding into you. he’ll be saying all sorts of things under his breath before he flips you over. will take one look at you like that, spreading you apart and looking at what is his. a breathy laugh leaves his mouth.

“you really are my cockslut, aren’t you? letting me use all your holes, knowing you love every bit of it”

x - xtra piece of imagination

dirty talk with him gets a hell of a lot dirtier when he’s about to cum. will be saying all sorts of things.

“want me to fuck you full, yeah? gonna take every single bit of me. fuck, look at this baby. look at how you’re taking me in.”

y - yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

he’s in his mid 20’s so it’s calmed down a lot but it’s hard to be around you, see you looking like that, and not want to do something with you.

z - zzz (how quickly they fall asleep after)

my insomnia twin 🙌🏼 jk but i think he’d fall asleep after you fall asleep. he makes sure you’re comfortable before he even thinks about sleep. in the meantime though, he is rubbing your back and making sure you’re at ease, hydrated, and just feel good.

edit : x is originally x ray but i didn’t feel comfortable with saying how “big” he is and all that. ik my blog is all about talking abt how much of a whore i am for bang chan but i personally have a limit and i think it’s talking about how big he is. i’ve written stuff about him fucking you into next week but i really do draw the line at like “oh how big is he” or “how many veins”. i’ll talk about him being “big” when it comes to a lil drabble but other than that, nope. idk if this boundary is reasonable or not but i just can’t see myself writing about it. sorry if this disappointed you :,(

[radio-ha-ha]

If you could only pick one favorite Queen song for every album, what would they be and why?

OOOOOOF THAT'S DIFFICULT, i think there was a tag game for this, but i didn't do it bc it was tooooo tough for me then. but now i am going with my instincts and try not to think and analyse everything as i do frequently.

Queen: Liar - one of my fave intros out of all songs i've ever heard, generally, an amazing song, and that bass solo????? BUT FFS, THE GUITAR WORK IN THE NIGHT COMES DOWN??????

Queen II: White Queen (As It Began) - one of my fave Brian songs, and actually it is in my Top 3 fave Queen songs list, the composition is just so so moving and as i've said that before, i think it is one of the best dramatic love rock ballads ever written (out of those i've heard)

Sheer Heart Attack: so not sure abt this album, but it is either Flick Of The Wrist or Bring Back That Leroy Brown. I was obsessed with the second one during my early Queen days, i really love ragtime-style music. And FOTW (especially the verses) is so badass and i love those eastern influences, idk why but i feel like i'm a powerful witch who's about to cast a disastrous spell onto people who've been mean and evil to her.

A Night At The Opera: another album I am not certain about. I'll go with Seaside Rendezvous! As u can already feel, i am a sucker for old-fashioned style in music. Runner-up: '39!

A Day At The Races: MY FAVE ALBUM OVERALL! Fave song - Drowse! Again, in my top 3! IMO, this is the best song Roger has written (alongside with Innuendo) so much nostalgia in it, so many bright and warm feelings are carried in this song, it is so pure. Amazing composition. Roger is a quite unique composer in general, his songs just always stand out. Runner-up: Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy.

News Of The World: OOOOOOHHH. Spread Your Wings. No words. This song represents my life at the moment. I hardly listen to it bc i start crying almost immediately. Second place is shared between Fight From The Inside and Melancholy Blues.

Jazz: ohohoho, Fat Bottomed Girls!!!! My former favourite Queen song overall 😂 i can't explain, i just love it. Second place: In Only Seven Days.

The Game: DRAGON ATTACK. It. Is. Perfect. Everything. In. It. Fucking. Perfect. No other words. Just, PERFECT.

Hot Space: you know, i have never been that crazy about Under Pressure? I mean i do love it, just i never had this burning passion for it. Back Chat wins this one. Awesome diss track, and ahahha (john don't hate me) i adore the guitar solo in it.

The Works: despite my current URL, Radio Ga Ga isn't my fave song on this album. Hats off to Hammer To Fall!! FUCKING LOVE IT, so much energy in it, it is so full, so vibrant, i love the heavy guitar parts in it, iconic. I also love Keep Passing The Open Windows.

A Kind Of Magic: ha, A Kind Of Magic! The song of my childhood. Bright and light and so positive, best thing to lift your mood.

The Miracle: FINALLY! RAIN. MUST. FALL. It captured my soul right from the very first second. I love this Latino style, it is SO DIFFERENT FROM EVERYTHING THEY'VE DONE, Mr. Deacon, I love you so much.

Innuendo: cannot decide between Innuendo and Headlong. Surprisingly, my fave isn't Show Must Go On, although, i do consider it one of the best Queen songs overall, but it hurts me way too much to call it a favourite.

Made In Heaven: Too Much Love Will Kill You. It is so powerful? Just oh lord. Freddie's vocals in it??? Holy hell man? I am generally not a big fan of this kind of songs, but idk i love this one very much. Second place: Made In Heaven itself.

Thank you so much for the ask, I enjoyed it a lot!!!

[princesswinnifred]

2017 YEAR IN REVIEW!!!!! my fifth iteration of this on this tumblr!!!!

JANUARY - i spent the beginning of the year in NYC, nadia and i saw in transit (bad) and hung out - mostly was just bored until i was able to go back to school - dyed my hair red, it lasted like four seconds - MARCHED ON WASHINGTON! with women! it was truly incredible - went to a few parties (like a drag party and a taylor swift themed party) - had some difficulties but whatevs!

FEBRUARY - did Chai Throwback Cabaret!!! - i believe this was the birth/death of Edgy Sarah. i bought dark lipstick and told anyone who would listen that i was edgy. - several nightmare party situations because i Did Myself Dirty my first few months on medication - talked to tarell alvin mcraney (the man who wrote the story Moonlight is based on)!!! he was brilliant and i was so starstruck - went to galentine’s day brunch!! - WROTE MY FIRST PLAY!!! it is called Grand Theft Tea Leaves - went to see some friends in a Local Community Theatre production of 9 to 5 - a cappella assassins which as always was a stress - SAW NEWSIES IN THE MOVIE THEATER which was Embarrassing - wrote a widely reknowned facebook posts wherein i ranked the presidents of the US by hotness - SLUG PARTY

MARCH - SPRING BREAK - went to see nadia in new york and we got COOKIE DOUGH - cut all of my hair off two days before my Hair callback  - auditioned for and got SDP!!!! - sang outside a frozen yogurt shop for chais and it was hilarious jfdksfjdskf - had a nice wine night with some chai women - went home to see my babies in their last high school show Legally Blonde - song swap!!

APRIL - A CAPPELLA FEST, a disastrous night, but met a bunch of fun new friends - went to rocky horror which was actually a lot of fun - my friend from high school visited my school and we had lunch!! - went to visit my brother’s Future College with him - my friend died and i went home for her funeral - decorated my boss’s office for his birthday which was SO MUCH FUN - WENT TO RUTGERS WITH CHAIS AND HAD THE ALL TIME STRANGEST WEEKEND - my play Grand Theft Tea Leaves was produced during my school’s new play reading series!! - went to a SWEAT PANTS PARTY which as always is GREAT - CHAI FINAL CONCERT!!! it was our bar mitzvah

MAY - I DID MY KISSING PERFORMANCE ART - MTA formal where i actually had FUN - SAW ANGELS IN AMERICA LIVE AND IN PERSON FOR THE FIRST TIME - Recorded an Album with the Chais!! Now That’s what Chai Call Music! - finished an exhausting semester and an exhausting sophomore year - went on a date! it wasn’t great but it was something - went to a wedding!!! - everyone i love graduated - made macarons and wrote limericks

JUNE - went to israel on birthright!!!! felt jewish!!!! - went to see Hair at school and picked up the chai albums from the lady - went to my friend laura’s grad party and hung w/ rachel in new jersey - that’s... really it israel was the Bulk of it

JULY - got a car!!!! it’s a piece of shit but it’s MY piece of shit - went to faustina’s grad party - went to new york with rachel josh and anna!!! ate a waffle - dealt with a whole lot of Car Bullshit let me tell you - MY PLAY (GRAND THEFT TEA LEAVES) WAS PRODUCED IN A SMALL FESTIVAL IN NYC right next door to playwright horizons!!! we took a limo and most of my friends were there and it was amazing - the literal NEXT DAY i moved back into school for the Sedehi Diversity Project which was a life-altering experience - began to work on SDP obviously - EILEEN CAME TO VISIT and we went to the allentown farmer’s market which  was W I L D

AUGUST - CONTINUED to WORK on the LOVELY SDP.  - had countless movie nights and long walks and crazy hummus eating events with my new good pals. i love them - i was literally working on SDP the whole month - BK and Faustina came to visit which was so nice!!! - we went to a protest a few days after charlottesville happened - and had an incredible night swimming and eating at our faculty advisor’s house - i met Peppermint at Allentown Pride!!!! - DID SDP!!! legitimately one of the most incredible weekends of my life it was a WHIRLWIND  - moved back home for the next three weeks

SEPTEMBER - on the CUSP of these two months i mattress surfed around New York for a few nights!!! - saw Great Comet which Fucked Me Up - hung w. jane and jenna and max and nadia, which, naturally, was the best - drove to montclair NJ to see my friend laura in Spring Awakening the Play - went To Muhlenberg to attend chai callbacks!!!! - then it was my BIRTHDAY!! i am TWENTY somehow - went out for tea with my female family members for my birthday/to see me off - bc then yeah i FLEW TO ENGLAND - moved in. explored. fell in love.  - went to the british museum and buckingham palace and hyde park and saw my first west end show which was DREAMGIRLS - went to the Tate Modern which is legit my favorite place in the world - i’m not gonna describe everything i did abroad bc that will be TOOOOO LONG so just highlights from now on - we went to a farm it was wild - and a cruise on the thames that was disguised as a welcome event but was a booze cruise

OCTOBER - camden market!!! loved it!!! - ABBEY ROAD CROSSING!!! - king’s cross!!!! the british library!!! it was such a special day!! - went to kensington palace where Victoria and Diana lived - went to brighton!!! it was terrible - SAW MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING AT THE GLOBE WHICH CHANGED MY DAMN LIFE - went to dublin, ireland!!! had so many fun times - went to LIVERPOOL!!! saw everything beatles!!!!! - saw steven page in concert!!!!! - went to the tower of london!!!! - halloween!!! i dressed as Sexy Ronald Reagan ironically and we went to a club called Tiger Tiger it was an experience

NOVEMBER  - DID A JACK THE RIPPER TOUR it was spooky - also my coworkers from america facetimed me it was so sweet - NADIA CAME TO VISIT ME AND WE HAD SUCH INCREDIBLE TIMES we saw HAIR and we went on the LONDON EYE and we saw Venus in Fur UGH what a good few days - AND THEN SHE LEFT AND I WENT TO PARIS?????? CAN YOU BELIEVE - i cannot explain paris to you but it was a dream come true - i climbed the eiffel tower completely wasted - i WENT TO VERSAILLES, WHERE I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO - and then i got a migraine and went home to england instead of to germany like i had planned - went back to the tate modern bc i love that bitch - went to hyde park winter wonderland!!! - WENT TO THE HARRY POTTER STUDIO TOUR AND WEPT - legit i did so many things i never thought i’d get to do!!! - a professor from our school visited us and we got fancy lunch - THEN FLEW TO ROME? ITALY? IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE - we went to the vatican and colosseum and the forum and the trevi fountain and the great synagogue of rome and ahhh!!!! - and then we got stuck outside an airport for five hours but we’re not gonna discuss that - TOOK A TWELVE HOUR BUS RIDE TO EDINBURGH

DECEMBER - fell MADLY in love with scotland/edinburgh/glasgow - climbed/fell down a MOUNTAIN - did a day by myself in glasgow and, again, LOVED it - went to harrods back in london!!! - SAW STAR WARS A DAY EARLY bc i was in LONDON  - on my last day in london i had to get my phone fixed which was a. nightmare. i attempted to go to the Victoria and Albert museum but that was cut short by my phone being impossible :)  - and just like that i flew home!!! - we had family hanukkah festivities on both sides - we went to christmas at our family friend’s house - i spent the past few days with my grandparents down the shore!!!

AND THAT IS IT!!! GOOD RIDDANCE TO THIS MONSTER YEAR

[whore---ible]

hella bored once again. jk i just really like quizzes.

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? 50/50 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? i hate the cold and i hate wind 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? tissue hahaha 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? i like mocchacino or a latte 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? yes? 6: do you keep plants? no i’m not good for their health but i would like to 7: do you name your plants? no i just told you i’m a murderer -_- 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? i write 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yea 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? whatever i feel like doing 11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? im so white im translucent 12: what’s your favorite planet? the little prince’s planet 13: what’s something that made you smile today? my mom was being funny earlier. i rarely see her like that. 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? white, minimalistic but super artistic at the same time. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! no 16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? alfredo/mushroom 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i like my white hair rn but i miss my pink hair 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. i did twerk on a car that was at a red light in the street juste beside a bar. everybody was looking at me….. i was so drunk i puked just after that lil dance. 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i rarely write in it but i write who i had sex with and who i love and things like that so i’ll be able to stalk them when i’m older 20: what’s your favorite eye color? green 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. my little black leather backpack. 22: are you a morning person? not at all 23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? netflix and chill 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? nop 25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? an “haunted” hospital 26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? my high top white vans 27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? mint 28: sunrise or sunset? sunset, but watching the sunrise is always funnier bc i guess im drunk with my friends somewhere cool 29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? i dont know man. i think they are all super cute when they laugh. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes, in bali, its too long to explain but i thought i would die or get kidnapped or whatever 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i dont really care. i mostly wear black socks. i would like to have some cooler socks but i cant find them anywhere. i dont know where to buy fuxking socks man. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. im always with friends after 3AM come on 33: what’s your fave pastry? croissant 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? dont remember 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? 36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? i’m into massive attack these days 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i like it clean but im a mess 38: tell us about your pet peeves! my pets are boring af 39: what color do you wear the most? black and grey 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? im slways always always wearing 4 rings. two that i bought when i was leaving for bali, one i bought in cuba i think and one i received as a gift after i had a threesome bc the girl didnt want me to forget her 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? charlotte before christ 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! cafellini, my friend owns it 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? i cant remember  44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? dont know. its rare. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? yasssss 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. huh 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? why the fuck would i ban any food i love food 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? being kidnapped. and yes it is. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? not really. the last one was from de band “scyzzors” 50: what’s an odd thing you collect? all my bracelet from differents event i go 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? les sentiments humains - pierre lapointe 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? …. 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? those are some cool classic movies 54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? cath 55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? i kissed someone to make sure i could still be attract by men 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? big smile, kindness, honesty 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? won’T do that 58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? i think we’re all wine moms lol

59: what’s your favorite myth? that people get wild when its full moon

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? yea i like contemporary poets 61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? i gave nothing for my mom'd last birthday bc i was in bali... that was stupid. i received an unmbrella last christmas. i never use fucking umbrellas. 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nop. just water and coffee. 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? im fussy about my book, not my music. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? grey 65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? sure 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? super simple. a crown in delicate wood with some pink and white orchids. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i'm a little bit scared but i find it beautiful. 68: what’s winter like where you live? fucking cold. too much snow. 69: what are your favorite board games? i would say destiny wheel. but i prefer cards. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? yes 71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? green tea 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yesss 73: what are some of your worst habits? im a mess 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. ughhh 75: tell us about your pets! theyre fucking cute but soooo boring. im allergic to them tho so maybe thats why i found them so boring lol. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hmmmm nop 77: pink or yellow lemonade? yellow 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? h8club 79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? i dont know man people do cute things all the time you just have to open ur eyes 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? yea three walls are white and one is black. it makes the room look bigger. 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. uasjdbskfd 82: are/were you good in school? yea  83: what’s some of your favorite album art?  84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? nan i think i have enough for now 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? nop 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? hmmmm café de flore 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i dont know 89: are you close to your parents? i dont talk to my father and i have a difficult relationship w my mom 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i loooooove montreal, especially in the summer 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? maybe ill return to bali 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i’m drowning in cheese 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? almost my natural hair, they have waves 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? me 95: what are your plans for this weekend? i’ll get drunk for sure bc it’s my weekends birthday 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? i procrastinate, there are tooooo many 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? zodiac 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? this autumn, and yea it was cool 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. i have a lot of those 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years in the past so i would do things differently

[kpsandlcs]

Tour

3/2 - Drive To Columbus

I get off work and Aaron and I grab the van. At first look, surely it will fit everything...it has to. Aaron never falters in reassuring that things will work. In his mind, they always will. It helps. We get to Aaron’s and start loading. It’s gonna be tight, but we do what we can. We arrive to get Peter and he’s got many items. How the hell is this gonna work.

“Did you use the stowaway yet?”

What the hell is that? He says nothing and starts opening a hidden compartment underneath the feet of the back seats. Woah. We load that up and sure enough, we’re golden. Off to pick up Gabe. I’m in the driver’s seat feeling the immense weight of a fuckload of gear and 3 people in the car and am skeptical this thing will get us around.

We get Gabe and start going to Columbus. Another human’s weight. Aaron can’t guess Grizzly Bear’s Veckatimest until “2 Weeks” comes on, which is alright. We kill about an hour as I tell them what my day job really is.

“Isn’t it crazy that for the average user, credit card companies are just capitalizing on my money YOU ALREADY OWN?”

It’s a fucking dastardly-ass scheme.

We get 1.5 hours from Columbus and have enough gas to get home when Gabe says

“Are we gonna be stopping again?”

“No way! We have enough gas and it’s like 1am”

“Ahhh….ummmm I maaaay have tooooo ahhhh Urinate-oooo”

This becomes a theme. But the goofy and pleading delivery was too funny for me to not reward.

We arrive at the Hampton inn and the check-in person was like “y’just made it. Was about to be gone for a few hours.” We’re tired as fuck. We get to our room and fall asleep.

3/3 - To Ithaca

Tonight is our first show in Ithaca. I slept like shit. Peter woke up an hour early to fucking work out. We get a scrappy breakfast from the lobby and Aaron hands me a tea bag that says “I Love Lemon” on it.

“It’s a love letter.”

We get going. It’s icy and Ohio-y. Aaron is driving, which I’m glad for. Right as we get on the highway, Peter says

“Would anyone care for a gorp?”

That = grape.

We spend the ride trading the aux cable and me trying to sleep. We get to a patch of snow which makes me hella nervous but, again, Aaron doesn’t give a fuck. We stop in an upstate NY town that I forget the name of, but was classically upstate...one of those “main street” type towns. We get to a rest stop and this place was crazy...cracked stone floors and a grocery area in the back that had a lot of offerings, but seemingly just spilled out into the back storage/trash area, where there were relics of the distant past everywhere...cardboard cut outs, random furniture...separating the front and the back was an archway, and above it was an old “video rental” sign, but like all wooden and bulky, and dusty as fuck...It was like walking into an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese, or something. Super unsettling.

We arrive in Ithaca and it’s all twilighty and pale pink sky and all that. We hit Wegman’s quick for dinner and Gabe talks about how the prices have doubled since he used to work there during high school. Peter roams around trying to find something to eat, because he’s on Whole 30. Perfect timing!

We get to the venue and start loading in. My keyboard stand “breaks.” Duct tape. (I later learn that all I needed was an allen wrench). I have a lot of history in this area - life changing concerts, day trips, hikes, food, sad escapes, past loves. I change into my Dan Deacon sweater which feels fitting. I’m dazed with a lack of sleep. My friend from Binghamton comes with a whole crew, which is much appreciated. The room fills up for the openers, which are intriguing experimental solo projects. Some college friends show up last minute before we start. The set was solid, but we ran into some sound issues and had to cut a lot of songs. I think we did alright, and people dug it. The whole crowd was intently watching, and laughing at every slight banterous comment I made. It felt like they were legit waiting to hear me all week.

I note that one of the songs I play is about someone in the room, but I had yet to see her.

I go to sell merch. My college friends who I haven’t seen in 6 months - didn’t really get to relax with them, as we need to tear down shortly after, and not to mention it’s late and they gotta get to their place too. This ends up being what always happens - tour is work. There are not many free moments outside of the car.

Someone asks me to sign their CD, a friend reveals she’s been listening to my EP on repeat, and someone nervously compliments me and mentions the music video. Woah.

It’s time to tear down so we have to go down these narrow stairs with everything and load our van which is in an alley and has the neighboring bar employees yelling at us to leave. We can’t get the damn van packed, though. It’s being a bitch. We finally get it after much stress.

Peter and I split off to get to the place we’re staying, which is the house of someone I know who is not there. Thusly, we don’t know his roommates. We park semi far away and lug heavy shit to the door. Knock. Nothing. Call my friend. Nothing. I knock on the door of the lower apartment and get a helpful young dude, who says I should just go right in. So I do. There is a dude standing atop the stairs looking confused.

“Hey, I’m Jesse - Does Remanu live here?”

“Uh….”

Someone else comes by.

“Hey, um, hi, what the hell is this? Why are you knocking at 11 and just coming right into our house? We don’t know you? What are you doing?”

Tired as fuck, nervous, and already shaken up, I just start stumbling to explain myself before he cuts me off-

“OH I’M JUST KIDDING WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE GET ON UP HERE! MI CASA ES SU CASA”

Wow.

We get upstairs and start unloading when a tenant starts enthusiastically talking to me.

“I was at the show! It was so cool!! It seems like you have a great following!”

Nope - just had an alright crowd that Ithaca Underground is good at catering to. But I learn that the narrative spawned by things like this is as good as your image, whether or not the story’s there.

The house is classically Ithacan. “Free condoms” jar in the bathroom. Plants everywhere. Tribal woodworking on the walls. “Capitalism is a pyramid scheme” poster on the wall. Welcoming attitude.

As Peter and I lay on the air mattress, I say

“I’m glad this is your first experience here, because this house is literally an Ithaca museum.”

3/4 - Ithaca -> Syracuse

I wake up to the view of snow lightly falling, and it was unusual how fearful I became of it as it took new meaning for this trip where I am underprepared and need to travel hundreds of miles. This is obviously at odds with my initial delight and feelings of home - Tennessee certainly has weakened my capacity for snow and the cold - making me a creature I swore I’d never become.

I’m off to meet an old friend for brunch -

“Hi so I am house sitting as well as dog sitting and the heat is broken and the dog is shivering, so I can’t leave him here. But also it’s not really comfortable to be at this house because it’s cold. So why don’t I take the dog to my house and we can make breakfast? But I don’t have eggs. So how about you get eggs on the way? But also I don’t really have coffee. So maybe you should also get coffee on the way?”

This is exactly what happens.

I set out in my fucking boat shoes (glorified socks) in inches of snow and am slipping all the way down the front stairs of the mysterious house. I finally get my bearings and am greeted to the classic Ithaca - the same open minded and welcoming place that it never fails to be. A man snow blowing says good morning. Students mill about. I stop in the Green Star which is a fair trade sort of grocery store. I help a delivery man get his stock cart into the store. “Thank ye much, sir.” I get my coffee and local eggs. I arrive at my friend’s house. She pulls up in a car and leads out a tiny dog wrapped in a red sweater. Holy fuck.

We go upstairs and after undressing the dog he immediately curls up in the sunlight of the window.

“His name is Peabody.”

WHAT

We go to the kitchen to make pancakes and eggs and get to talking about basically what happened over the past 6 years and how we’ve both felt a lot of damage and successes and how different we are now.

“Why weren’t you at the show? I played a song about you.”

“Well. I was curled up with Peabody because it was so cold last night, and we were watching TV, and…I fell asleep. And then I woke up at 9pm being like “fuck, there’s no way I can make it now.”

The song is called “Asleep.”

“You can hold this over me for like 1.5 years, it’s warranted.”

The thing is I wrote a whole album about this person in 2012 and I spent that last 5 years trying to get her to listen to it, and she wouldn’t.

Breakfast is delish, and we reminisce a lot about what it was like dating each other long ago. It’s really something how unprepared and ignorant I was at the time, but this is something I already have severely grappled with. It’s really quite good to have such an uninhibited conversation with someone so key to your life/past. It’s like being able to revisit era-specific weaknesses and moments in a tactile way.

Peter comes to pick me up in the van. I ask if he wants to meet Peabody. He says yeah, but doesn’t like small dogs. Whatever…

She hugs me bye. Peter and I go to pick up Gabe.

“What’s the best way to Syracuse?”

“Through Cortland. It’s like a place where everybody’s aggressively trying to mate with each other.”

Me: “And they’re all judges.”

Peter: “And they all love tennis.”

“Yeah. It’s a city of court judges courting each other on tennis courts.”

We get to Syracuse and my college friends await me. We go to armory square and snack/drink. Our waitress is a girl I TA’d 3 years ago. Insane.

We go back to my friend Jay’s apartment, which is where I stayed during that whole Utica deal last september. It feels similar, which is awesome. We’re drinking beer and eating burritos and laughing really hard. It’s time to load in down the street, so we get going.

The room is small, but works, and the crowd is paying a lot of attention. Show goes really great, especially with Jay on back-up vocals. I step outside to hang with my college friends. My one friend who’s helped direct the art of most of my past albums all of a sudden realizes that I just played next door to The Westcott theater, where he and I saw Reptar, Rubblebucket, and most importantly - Dirty Projectors.

“Shit, this is the Westcott? It’s been here the whole time?”

He gets wrecked realizing that we’ve literally been sharing a wall with one of the most important spots of our friendship and artistic development. All of those concerts rocked our worlds.

Peter and Gabe split off to Jay’s, Aaron and I split off to his house. On the way over, we talk about how touring is a real test of teamwork, and every bullshit ‘training’ and ‘seminar’ in school and jobs has never offered a real application of those skills such as it has been.

3/5 - Sunday in Binghamton

Wake up to a good ol’ family breakfast at Aaron’s. Peter and Gabe join shortly after. We eat and decompress before heading down to Binghamton. Snowy and sunny, it feels Hella Home-y. We arrive in Binghamton and hell is it dreary/sad. Everything is dulled, everything is grey, and it feels like nobody's around. We catch up with Eddie, who is hosting the show at his house, which is actually a commune that holds classes, dinners, and is a general stayover for nomadic types that need it. He leads us to the loft above ihs garage where we will play...it’s really nice. Wall outlets all over the place, nice carpeting. We load in early so all we have to do is set up, night of.

I drop off Peter and Aaron at Cyber West to get work done - Gabe and I drive to Target to get a “Quickie Blank Blank?” and pizza at Mario’s, listening to rap on the way obviously. I ran into a family friend in Target. Talk to the new owner of Mario’s while eating real pizza...Nashville pizza...just no.

We grab some beer and the Cyber boys and get to Eddie’s and set up.

“Hey, if no one shows up, we can just chill with some wine.”

But people DO show up. 35 to be exact. 35 people came to this weird garage hippie loft to see us play on a depressing as icy Binghamton Sunday night while the DORMS ARE CLOSED. It felt like a weird judgment day, where various people from pockets of my past all congregated in agreement. I knew everyone, but most didn’t know each other. I actually made a ton of money on merch that night. I spent like 40 minutes talking to everyone before they cut away. Shortly after, a member of the collective (the house) comes up to the now empty room, and says

“Gentlemen.”

He procures a small white rod.

“The band spliff.”

We all look at each other. None of us, at this point, have been keeping up with smoking in our lives.

“I’m sorry dude, we’re all too nerdy and responsible to partake.”

“Seriously? Really? Even for the road?”

“Ah...I can’t keep it in the van, it’s a rental. I feel terrible man. We’re all too lame and nerdy. But I realize this is considered GOLD to many a band. Thank you so much.”

We were too fucking responsible to smoke weed on tour.

After the show Eddie shows us his surprisingly sophisticated mushroom farm, which is essentially falling apart as he explains it to us. But, nothing he can’t control, nothing he hasn’t seen before, and nothing he can’t patch up.

On the way out, everyone in the living room is warm. Eddie and I chat about his future plans and current evaluation of self as we lock the door to the loft. The band and I head to my former neighbor’s house to have a v comfy night of sleep.

3/6 - New Yolk

We get up and cut down to Manni’s, which is in the square of the neighborhood I grew up in. Fresh made donuts, EVERY day. We get a half dozen of all sorts of flavors and Gabe and Aaron and I split them all, savoring every detail as Peter drove and probably gritted his teeth knowing Whole 30 would keep him from this hometown DELIGHT.

We have a long conversation about respect, friendships, dating, and these 3 boys really bolster my self confidence and self-respect.

As we get closer to the city:

Peter: “Alright man. Start playing like, New York songs.”

??

Peter: “Like Empire State of Mind and Billy Joel and stuff.”

Peter: “Someone honked!! *HONKS* Hey fuck you!! ...I love this city.”

We get a perfect spot for load in. We all split off to see respective people. I eat edamame/avocado toast in an assuming brooklyn cafe, and drink an americano.

Jay, from Syracuse earlier, comes to meet me. We post up in one of his favorite taprooms in Bushwick. We catch up on lots of things, musical and life-wise. An old mutual friend and continued collaborator shows up-he’s been engineering the Modern Instincts songs. Revelry continues.

We make our way to a vegan diner and the conversations continue.

“Yeah, well really spot mic-ing a quartet, it’s more there for body and leveling purposes, but the overheads dominate that tone, really”

Jay’s gonna sing tonight again.

We start loading in and MUAH this venue is everything I dream of playing. The front bar is golden, ornate. The stage is fairly elevated, and the wall behind is plastered in clippings of ANY kind - news, or softcore porn. When the wall stops, an industrious black guard railing protects the open end of the stage. Skeeball machines, photo booth. The sound guy is so easy to work with, and so good.

The place starts packing, and soon enough I’m looking out to a huge room of people - we fucking DESTROYED that place. We play our last song - Thinking In English (an old one,) which is easily the peak of the set. Enormous cheer. The mains start playing change-over music, when we start to hear ‘BA-SIC PRIN-TER *clap, clap, clapclapclap’, and the sound guy lowers the main. A fucking encore. On our first tour.

We don’t have another song, and we need to give the time to Quail Turret. But damn, that was the best.

I spend the rest of the night loving all of my friends, selling merch. I settle up with everyone - the booker is nice as hell. The sound guy said we were of the top tier bands he’s seen in his 1.5 years working there. The door girl asks if we need a place to stay. Man, what a success.

Peter and I head to my friend’s house and we settle in to sleep on his floor. I count the money from the past 4 days and look through the pictures so far. Never felt so cozy on a couch before.

3/7 - Philly

Rainy in Brooklyn. Peter and I solve a puzzle of getting the van, going up and down 4 flights with different heavy things, and making sure the auto-locking door doesn’t fuck up our whole charade while loading.

We get the other boys and get a ways out of the city before stopping in one of those ‘all in one’ rest stops. Coffee and chapstick. We congregate at the front doors on our way out.

Peter: “This would be a good place to buy a watch.”

I turn my eyes to see a tiny glass case with your typical array of luxury brand watches. Armani, Rolex. I look at Peter. His face is totally normal.

Aaron and I have always done this thing, but it got exacerbated on this tour, where we would misread signs with liberal exaggeration on the syllables.

Mcdonalds, Subway, Sbarro.

“Look, this stop has MOME-DONSON, a SRABAWOONI, and a SUH-BARRR AR AR ARHHH AH...:”

We drive to Philly. I put on Swing Lo Magellan because it’s warming up. We talk about musicianship. We talk about musicianship every car ride, and it’s amazing how much it evolves day to day for me, because I learn so much every day.

We drop Aaron and Peter off to do work/meet up with family, while Gabe and I go to get Cheesesteaks. Gabe does NOT pull his pants down. We wander into a bar that I realize I tried to book to pee. We get cash, and cheesesteaks, and laugh. Then we get blindsided by an ice cream craving. So we go near Fishtown and get icecream.

And then we go to this record store which is hella sad. I go to the back, and it’s all dusty and yellow. Though, I do find a Kyle Fisher record which I thought was super weird. It was like, new, amidst all of the standard used-record leftovers you always find. It kinda made me sadder.

Some pretty good music is on, like this really tasteful blend of 70’s psych americana stuff, like that smoky Doors stuff or the more stoic Beatles moments like Norwegian Wood. I talked to guy at the desk, and he told me who it was, but I already forgot. But he had a lot of real things to say about it, and clearly cared a ton, which lightened it up for me.

Gabe and I step outside and I ask him if he was bummed out at all? Tour downtime felt really stale to me. You get to this city you barely know and feel incredibly small all of a sudden, and then I guess the massive drop in relative energy it causes can put the lowlights on display.

Gabe: “Not really, I dunno dude. You’re depressing me!”

Paraphrased, and he says it with a flimsiness - he’s perfect for keeping the tour light and funny.

We get to the venue and start to load in. Up some narrow ass stairs...get to the venue. Tiny, all wooden. Wooden everything. The sound guy is a BAID-ACE (badass). Extremely positive, efficient, helpful, quick. There’s nowhere to store gear in this place. We’re basically shoving all of this shit in this 1 x12 foot (no joke) space behind the DJ booth. Which is literally the worst case scenario for gear storage.

One artist is Skeleton Lipstick - a delirious electro boy. I talk to him and ask him if he likes Tobacco, whilst in my Tobacco shirt. He does love Tobacco. We reference interviews we’ve read.

Stage is tiny, but we fit alright, and I kinda liked the feel of it.

Sound guy - “I’ll letcha know when you’ve got two left!”

Oh yeah, the person we’re staying with - she’s the inspiration for one of my songs. She shows up as we play our first tune. We get to this part where we do a transition between two songs. After the second, sound guy lets us know we have just one left. I play the song about her to close it. The songs ends in a fully distorted 1 minute synth solo, then just cuts off.

“I wanted to let you know you had two, but you jumped right into your next one!” It’s okay, sound guy. You were awesome.

We load out, which sucks. I meet up with namesake girl, and our mutual friend. She doesn’t appear to know what to say, which is fair. If someone showed up to my town to blast a dramatic orchestral synth-ballad with my name as the chorus in my face, I wouldn’t know what to do, especially in front of my friends who might not know the whole story. We’re sleeping at her place later.

The final band plays, and Gabe and I drink our discounted PBRs. I get barely tipsy and he asks if I’m drunk. For the tour, probably the drunkest I’d been, which is ‘not that.’

The really dickish door guy comes up to settle with me. Gives me this nicely written breakdown, and the payout, which is honestly not so bad. But the production fee was mega high, mostly to include the ‘promoter.’ Promoter? The guy that made the FB event page? I’m thinking so. Hella side eye.

We get outta there and get to the place we’re staying. Namesake girl comes out to help us in. She lives above like, an ethnic gift shop, I believe. Maybe it was a tattoo parlor. I forget, but it was a kitschy place of business. And in a way, you had to like enter the business to get to the stairs that lead to her place.

We get up there and we’re all sitting around and visiting for a moment, which is nice. It hadn’t happened too often at our overnights yet, so it was cool to actually have a moment of hanging out. We tell stories. No one talks about the show.

The girls turn in upstairs, and the band and I are all laying down for bed now. At this point we started doing this thing. There’s this band we played with a long while back called Noelle Tannen and the Filthy No-Nos. At the time, I kept forgetting the latter half of the name, so I picked a random filler. Like Noelle Tannen and the Green Tigers, or something. So I brought it up, and we started doing it again, for like an hour. It devolved into this super weird place.

Noelle Tannen and the stupid idiot morons.

Noelle Tannen and a couple of chairs.

Noelle Tannen and that 5th pocket they advertise on jeans, that you’re like, where the hell is it? And then you realize it’s the little pocket made for keys or whatever INSIDE of the main right pocket

So like it’s Noelle Tannen but, you walk in and there’s a huge draft and you realize you forgot to wear socks, so you put some on and it’s a bit better.

3/8 D-Ceptive

We wake up. More Noelle Tannen for like an hour. We gather our shit, and shower. I neaten up the blankets and put a note on it

“Thanks so much for letting 4 weird boys stay. Let us know if we can ever help in Nashville. Good luck with flipping cigarettes and jet lag.”

Texts,

“I hope it was more good than weird to hear a song about you.”

“Definitely a first. But good”

We stop at this cafe which is surprisingly good. I feel my throat starting to get scratchy. We talk about Aldi. Also, prior, we went into an Aldi and were like what the fuck, EVERYTHING is a knock off...and the graphic design is SO close to the original.

We get the hell outta Philly. We get 30 minutes from DC when Gabe has to pee. We pull off. First gas station we go to has no bathroom. We got to the 7/11. No bathroom. Where the hell does anyone URINATE on this street, then? We go to the McDonald’s up the street. Gabe gets a full big mac combo. He’s also been driving. Aaron makes a joke so funny that I drop my keys in the McDonalds.

We go to a suburb north of DC, and it’s amazing how robust and corporate even this suburb feels. Still plenty of tall buildings. We catch up with one of Gabe’s best friends, who’s now living here. When he has to go, Gabe and I explore a bit while Peter and Aaron do work. Metallic silver ball installation art. We come across this brewery and get a pseudo dinner and beers. Spice Girls comes on...Gabe and I have our longest heart to heart yet.

Additionally, 3/8/2017 will be forever known as Ass Wednesday.

My throat is still scratchy and I’m getting mucusy. Fuck. I have 3 more days to sing.

We reconvene, I’m feeling like Philly again, except this one’s weirder. DC’s vibe is so strange. Philly felt like, at least dingy and like you could grab hold of some of it. DC just felt like, immovable. Impossible to influence.

We get to the venue which is this teensy cramped slab inside of this bustling strip. There’s a neon sign they don’t light at any point. More narrow ass stairs. We get to the top and it is tiny - stage is an alright size, though...it’s dirty as fuck, there’s stickers everywhere. And it’s DARK as hell. It’s hard to make out anything a few feet in front of you - like the merch for example. Not that anyone’s buying. The sound guy - I can barely understand what he’s saying. I get none of the information I need without my deliberate asking. Weird to me.

The opening band plays and they were dope as hell! And they liked us a lot too. At least we got them out of this night. I hope to stay in touch with them.

It’s clear no one’s really gonna show. I ended up drawing 6 people though, which is honestly a lot! And originally it was going to be 8, but two couldn’t make it. That’s a lot more than my Philly draw. It’s a shame that the night had to be such a dud, because I felt I pulled my weight.

Peter’s amp light wouldn’t turn on, my keyboard died towards the end of the set, and my throat was scratchy. We did all right. Tear down is a bitch because we can’t see anything.

The sound guy has to ask me to tell the sound guy he’s ready to cash out. Lotta self efficacy, here. I go up and he’s legitimately laying down on his back...for real, no one could be bothered.

$10!

We get to my friend’s where we’re staying...parking is a major bitch. Crowded as hale. It’s nice to see my friend again, and we talk about Dirty Projectors and Delicate Steve.

3/9 - Long Drive To Sanctuary

We get up early because my friend has to catch a bus. We gather our shit and are all carrying respective piles of that shit down a block and a half to the van...7 hour drive ahead of us. My only stipulation is that we listen to Bitte Orca, because it’s sunnier than when I put on Swing Lo Magellan. To me that’s obviously how it goes.

As we exit DC, I see it in this totally different light...Regal. Robust. Shining, golden! Ornate. It’s all cramped, and there’s all this architecture, and all these embassies all lined up and neighboring each other, flags everywhere...as we leave, we cross an enormous white bridge, passing elegant statues. It was quite the changeup.

We stop at a Wegman’s in Woodbrige, which is contained in this shopping center, which felt so odd...sterile...like the buildings were just a little too big, and too clean - too separated from humanity. And the way the sun shone on everything, it was like a page from one of those I Spy books. This is something I think about all the fucking time and severely colors my mind, so the I Spy thing makes a ton of sense to me. Would love to know if you get what I mean, here.

We get going to Charlotte, and yes, put on Bitte Orca - we also listen to a ton of Flying Lotus, the new Thundercat, and Hiatus Coyote.

We arrive at my parent’s town house, which is in a development. We sit on the couches as a golden sunlight peers through the main window, and I think we all felt pretty tranquil.

We FEAST at Mario’s.

We get to the venue, which is definitely the diviest one yet. It’s just a scant bar with some rugs in the corner and a PA. Hella broken tiles outside the bathroom.

The opener cancels 15 minutes after he was supposed to show. Yeah. Quail Turret’s filling in.

The second band plays, I booked them because I was really diggin their album. They brought a handful of people that stood right around the perimeter of their setup and lightly head-nodded, which I thought was neat. They were good too.

We played to a bunch of my family, which is always weird. I cut the song Ironface out because I thought it would be too slow/emotional for them. E-Slow-Tional.

Door girl pays out really well! And the sound guy takes a new excitement when he says “Hey guys, definitely hit us up if you want to do it again!”

...we probs won’t

3/10 - End

We stir awake. Dad makes huge breakfast...so good. We hang out with my fam a bit, and I feel like I’m too listless to connect. It’s been a theme lately, but I guess I’ve always kind of been like that, too.

We hit Mario’s before we head to Hendersonville to get like, 3 pizzas, a salad, espressos and San Pellegrinos to go. Yeah. My dad gives us all a tour of the massive kitchen. I step out of the back door for a sec while the other guys are checking it out. I’m in like the trash room outside basically, which has an open ceiling...sun is leaking in over the edges. Thing about driving and sleeping in close quarters with 3 dudes all the time is that you don’t realize that you’ve literally had no alone time for days and days.

We get going to Hendersonville.

“What kind of heavy shit do you like?”

I put on Treats by Sleigh Bells.

We get to Hendersonville, and it’s this adorable little one road mountain town. We stop in this music store, which Peter gets willingly stuck in as he talks guitars with the old dudes. Aaron and Gabe and I come across a timbale which was hilarious to us for reasons too stupid and long to explain.

We find the coffee place we’re playing in, and it’s really cool. The point person let us know the deal and pretty much said it was gonna be dead tonight, but we could do whatever we want and call it a night an hour early.

We set up, which takes a while

“Woah...you guys have a lot of gear.”

The thing about this show is that I told the booker we were like a full out band, and he was all -yeah yeah, do you want this show or not?

We set up and it is EMPTY. I drink a free white russian and eventually a high end wine. We end up just chilling and drinking fancy teas/coffees/alcohol as per show payment. We play all of the BP songs either like half as loud or half as fast...it was pretty trippy to try out.

“Man, I’m sorry we didn’t bring anyone out. What did you guys agree on for payment over the email?”

I tell him.

“Oh….”

“What, is that way too high?”

“No, way too low…”

He pays us extra, and buys a tank top. We end up making more than philly and DC combined. How ironic that this little coffee shop in the middle of nowhere is the place that believes it’s up to THEM to bring out people...any other venue proper is pretty dickishly strict about saying “the only reason people come is if you bring people out, so all promotion is on you.” Lot of merit to the ideology, and also a lot of bullshit...if you own a venue, it’s also up to you to make sure you get some business, if you want to stay open.

We have a long drive through the night to get to Nashville, and Peter asks me what’s next for BP. So we talk about it for like 1.5 hours and it’s super energizing, and amazing how new my perspective has become on music in the past week.

I don’t think an illustrious ending is needed here. Tired and agitated, we rush the fuck home and drop everyone off.

Thanks for reading, please feel free to reach out to me.

[bondagebimbo]

how many times have I fallen apart

waking up wondering what are these scars?