#this actually took me Longer Than A Day and i'm very surprised i stuck with it

[vodid]

hello there!

[mrsmnsn]

The “first date”

summary: After figuring out you liked each other, you and Eddie started dating. Your first interaction wasn’t the way he planned, so he decided to take you out on a proper date.

warnings: MDNI 18+; virgin!reader; fluff; some nerdy references (star wars troop); oral!fem!receiving; shitty writing- sorry about that.

author’s note: Hey guys, i saw how much everyone enjoyed Eddie’s Valentine story so i decided to make a second part. It took me longer then i thought to post this, but my classes at college just started so i’m still adjusting my schedule.

After what happened, you spent the rest of the morning talking in bed. You couldn't believe you actually got the courage to make a move on him. Even if it was to offer a little help with his "issue". And this was one of the many things that surprised you today. The fact that Eddie liked you back was insane. In your mind, Eddie only saw you as a girl friend. A girl he could talk about everything and nothing. Of course sometimes you caught him looking at you in was different way, but you didn't want to get delusional.

And for Eddie, he was meaning to make a move on you since he realized he was head over heels for you. But he honestly thought you would say it was way too weird to be with him this way. In a romantic way. But what is best then dating your best friend. The only thing that changed was the intimacy of things. So that's why he'd never said anything. Till this day.

"How come both of us liked each other but never did anything?" Eddie asked with one arm under his head and the other wrapped around your waist. You were laying on his chest, listening to his heart beating. You don't know how to feel about this yet. Forty minutes ago, you were still "just friends". And now you're all over each other.

"I guess i was just so scared to lose my best friend that I stayed quiet. It was better to have you in that way than not having you at all." You were being honest with yourself and with him, trying to figure it out why have you kept these feelings as a secret.

"Well i'm glad you released your horny devil today" That made you laugh and he joined you. "But to be honest, it's not how i imagined."

"What do you mean?" You got up on your elbows to see his face, a little scared from his confession. Didn't he just said that he liked it?

"I actually imagined that i would have the guts to ask you out and take you in a very nice date. Very romantic. And then, after the normal stuff normal people do, i could actually try to kiss you. But i guess we're not normal." With your eyes locked, he caressed your cheek.

"Yeah, here we start being naughty!" You said in a playful tone with a wicked grin that only made him laugh. You always loved his smile.

"I guess because we took things a little too fast, this is still kind of... unbelievable for me. Do you feel it too?" You asked, concerned you're the only one feeling this.

"Yeah. Kind of. It feels like it's a dream, right?" He asked and you nodded. "But i'm sure this is going to be as normal as last night was. It's just a matter of time. Also, just in case you didn’t realize it yet, you're my girlfriend now lady, you're stuck with me."

"Oh no! What am i gonna do?" You got out of his chest dramatically and he grabbed you again making you laugh

"Really sweetheart, i don't want you to think you'll have to act differently or anything like that. I don't want you to. I like you the way you are. All goofy and funny and sweet ." He said looking at your lips

"Look at you, all over me, aren't ya?" You said as if you weren't feeling the same

"Yeah, you got me."

After that day, you've been dating, and you couldn't be happier. You waited the whole week for saturday, which was the day of your first official date. That's how Eddie called it. Of course, he didn't want to forget what happened in that morning. But he wanted you to feel extra special. Not just some random girl.

So, he decided to take you to the drive in. This events normally happened at summer, but it was just what he wanted. Something simple, but romantic, where you two could spend time together, watching movies and maybe make out in the middle of it. It was a part of your routine together, watching movies. So, in his head, this would make you both very comfortable with the whole situation of the 'first date'.

He parked his van in front of your house right on time. He pressed the doorbell and there you were. With a cute sweater and a skirt. He loved when you wore skirts. It made your legs look so tempting.

"What do you think? Fancy enough for you mister?" You said looking down at your clothes.

"Oh my lady, you look very fancy. Come on, give me a twirl." You did it and, dramatic in his own way, he put his hand on his chest "You look amazing, sweetheart."

"Thank you, Eds" He always loved when you called him like that. Now, it was even more special.

He drove you both to the location. Even though there was a lot of cars in front of you, you had a great view of the screen. It was only ten minutes before the movie started, so he went to buy you some snacks and drinks to survive through the night. It was a marathon of star wars. The three movies. "A New Hope", "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi".

The sun was starting to set when he came back. His curls in the golden light just made him look more like an angel to you.

"Here you go. I'm pretty sure we can survive with this, but if you want more, just tell me, a'right?" He insisted on buying the food, not letting you pay for anything

"That's perfect, thanks!"

Through the first movie, you didn't say a word, trying to understand everything in the movie. You always found it very confusing. Alright, maybe you were containing yourself to not put your hand on his thigh or your head on his shoulder.

Eddie also stayed in silence, too anxious to do something and fuck up the night. It was not his thing, getting anxious about girls. It was actually something he was confident. But with you, was a whole different story. He wanted to be closer to you. He was trying to find a way to get you to stay closer to him without being desperate. So he started putting one hand in your thigh. Your warm skin contrasted with his cold hand. He didn't missed the way your eyes went wide the second he touched you.

They gave a break of ten minutes to start the second movie. Now it was dark outside.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else? There is a big line there but i can go, if you want." He still had his hand on your tight.

"Yes, there is enough here." You assured him. You could see he was nervous. He’d made the first move… you could only follow his lead. "I'm just wondering here. This is a date, right?"

"Yes..."

"Don't you think this big space between us is useless? You can get closer Eddie." You said leaving his cheeks with the cutest shade of red

"I'm sorry, i didn't wanted to be too desperate" He said putting his arm around your shoulder and, without thinking too much, you placed your head on his shoulder. Eddie was in heaven. He had the girl of his dreams right by his side.

In the middle of the second movie you were still in the same position. You decided to move but, with the sudden shift, you exchanged looks. For the first time of the night, you were inches away from his lips. You couldn't help but want to kiss him so bad. Feeling the same as you, Eddie placed his hand on your cheek and brought you closer until your lips met. His lips were soft. His scent invaded your nose.

Your kiss changed from passionate to desperate very quickly. Your hands got greedy, wanting to touch him everywhere you could. In need to breathe, you separate. Panting in each other's mouth, Eddie hold your face with his both hands.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, i think we can't stay this close. I can't hold myself." He said making you smile.

"I don't think we're going to be able to pay attention on the movie anymore." Giggling, you hold his hands. "What if i said that i don't want you to control yourself?"

He separated a bit more so he could look inside your eyes. His eyes were wide open, shocked.

"I know you wanted to be a gentleman and all, but i've been thinking about this for the whole week. And remember that little horny devil? He's greedy now. More than ever." You said pressing your tights together. You weren't lying. Since he said he was going to take you on a date, you've been expecting for all the things that could happen. And you wanted to.

He was speechless. It was cute.

"I know, maybe i'm being too excited about everything. But i want it and i thought that if i had to wait for you to make a move, we would do it on the seventh date or something" He giggled at that. You were right, he thought. He wanted that too. But he would never force you to do something he knows that you didn't have much experience and you could be a little insecure. He wanted you to feel safe. He finally said something.

"Are you sure? I told you, remember? We don't have to do anything you don't want to. Especially when we're in this kind of ‘first date’ situation where we feel like we have to do stuff." You kissed him again. All you wanted was him.

"I'm sure. You said yourself remember. We’re not like the normal couples."

"Really? You know, we're in a public place ma'am. You little perv." He said making you both laugh

"So... What are your moves, huh? Gonna do it here with my clothes on or you're going to take me to the back?" You pulled his shirt to you and kissed him again.

He took your hand and pulled you to the back of the van. There was some pillows and blankets on the back.

"You were planning to do this?" You asked getting closer to him again

"I was going to take you to stargaze, actually. But you turned me on now. We'll do it later, kay?" And he kissed you.

Your kiss, like before, was hot. Craving for each other's touch. You couldn’t help but smile at the situation. Two horny teenagers in the back of a van making out like your life depends on it. Your hands travel through his chest down to his lower belly, pulling his shirt up.

"I honestly don't believe you when you say to me you're a virgin" You giggle to his reaction but stoped immediately. With his shirt off, his bare torso was in front of you. The black ink contrasting with the pale skin. You could keep looking at him shirtless for hours. But you wanted something else.

He changed your positions and looked in your eyes one more time, asking for your permission. You give it to him not thinking twice. So he takes your sweater and skirt off, leaving you only with your underwear. Thank god i piked matching ones today, you think to yourself. He kept looking to the white cotton set you chose.

“They’re pretty cute” He said earning a slap from you. “Sorry. I meant it, though.”

Smiling at him, you pulled him closer again by his necklace hanging above you only to stop inches from his lips.

“Why don’t you take ‘em off and see how cute i am without any clothes?” You said proud of yourself for being this bold. His reaction was priceless.

His hands were caressing you carefully, every move with love and affection. With you naked in front of him, his instinct was to drown himself in your neck, your chest, belly. Kissing all over your skin, making you squirm. You could feel his body heat hovering over you. Too overwhelmed by his actions, you try to take his pants off. You needed him.

“Easy there. I think we have plenty of time sweetheart.” He said taking your hands in his. He only laughed at the way you pouted. “I want to make you feel good. So why don’t you lay here and relax?” He dropped your hands, not before kissing them, and went down on your body. “It’s the only thing i could do after what you did for me last week. You were so good.” His warm breath hovered your mound and you twitched.

Not wasting any more time, he licked your clit and you gasped. You’ve never got head before. This was a new different thing for you. But oh, how you loved it. You’ve only felt some kind of pleasure there by your own fingers. But the way Eddie’s tongue kept moving and twisting around, it was a new addiction to your list. Your hands were attached to the blanket under you. You were trying so hard to not let any sound slip from your lips.

“Does it feel good?” He changed his tongue for his fingers and smiled to see you struggling to keep quiet. Not able to speak, you only nodded. Deciding to push things a little bit, he thrust his tongue inside you and you couldn’t hold the moan that came from your throat. Eddie lost his mind. He grew his movements faster than before, wanting to hear that again. He was glad that you only let them out now, or he would’ve cum in his pants by then.

Everything was so good. His tongue and fingers on your pussy and his free hand pressing your hip down so you kept quiet in place. His burning gaze on you, his hair tickling your thighs. His hot breath coming out of his nose and hitting your mound. You couldn’t take it anymore. You stopped him and pulled him up. He was confused until you kissed him. You could feel your taste on his tongue and how his chin was wet by your own slick.

“I-I need you inside me” You said gasping for air. Eddie felt his cock twitch in his boxers. Your voice was hoarse by pleasure.

He took off his jeans and boxers, almost falling down. You giggled at his tongue poking out while he searched through his wallet for a condom. “I hope this is not in there for five years. You know, condoms can expire” You joke trying to act casual seeing his dick again.

“Ha ha, very funny missy.” His voice full of sarcasm only made you laugh. He was crawling his way up to you when you both heard it. Dart Vader’s imperial march was playing. Probably the last movie had just started. You cracked, laughing hard at the situation. You even forgot where you were.

“Who are we kidding, of course in our first time having sex, Dart Vader is going to be marching towards us. It’s your fault” He said playfully

“My fault?! Why?” You asked amused

“Because you’re goofy. There’s no other reason.” You looked inside his eyes. Both of you still smiling. You just had to squeeze his arm so he knew he could move. And that’s what he did.

Slowly, his ran his tip against your wet folds and thrusted inside you. You closed your eyes, feeling his length stretching you open. It burned, making tears swell up in your eyes. Once he bottomed out, you both moaned. Giving you a few seconds to get accustomed to this new feeling, he caressed your waist, grounding you back to him.

He started to thrust slowly into you. It felt like your lungs were out of air. With each thrust of his hips, that started to get a rhythm. The muscles of his arms were flexed, his necklace was swinging, and the hands that before were caressing you, were now holding your hips for goddamn life.

“Holy fuck, you’re so tight” His eyes closed for a second, trying to hold his load a little longer. You watched every move of his. He looked amazing. It didn’t take much time for his dick to reach that spot you struggled to find. It drove you crazy. You arched your back and that made Eddie go faster. You were biting your lip but it wasn’t working anymore. If there was anyone around the van, they would probably hear your moans.

Eddie was also a mess. He wanted to freeze this moment in his mind forever. You looked perfect to him. The sounds you were making, his eyes were rolling back. Your boobs were bouncing up and down with each thrust of his. He looked down where your bodies met and saw the bulge in your lower belly, he didn’t know how long he would take.

“You’re doing so good sweetheart” He pressed kisses on your neck. You weren’t able to talk, but you pulled his hair bringing him closer to you, if that was possible. He groaned feeling you clench around him. He could feel how close you were. Once again, he massaged your clit bringing you to the edge. “Come on princess, cum for me. Just let it go” and with that, you were gone.

“Fuck Eddie” Was the only thing you said.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie

You could only think of him. Your nails scratched his back, your feet pressing on his but so he could go even deeper. Your orgasm washed all over you. With you clenching impossibly tighter around him, Eddie was also gone, cumming hard, biting on your shoulder to control his grutal moans.

When your breathing went back to normal with time, he came out of you taking off his condom and laying by your side.

“You think the van bounced too much?” He said breaking the silence. You laughed at his silliness.

“No. Otherwise people would have come here to ruin everything.” You look at him but he was already looking at you. “They might’ve heard us, though.”

“Nah, they’re nerdy people. They’re probably fantasizing about princess Leia now.” As if if wasn’t a nerd too. “You want to get out of here and go stargazing” He said putting a lock of hair behind your ear.

“That was the plan, wasn’t it?” You pecked him on the lips and got up to put your clothes back on.

And that’s how you wrap up the night. He drove you both to a place where you could see the stars. You kept talking and eating the rest of your candy from the movie. Your first date couldn’t be more perfect than that

[im-sleepdeprived]

Crazier • Pt. 1

pairing: mcu!peter parker x reader

a/n: this is a series ! prob 3 parts im thinking (i think im back AH), editing took me 10000 years actually so if there's something wrong PLEASE don't tell me !!! :D

warnings: umm just me not knowing anything about star wars, girls support girls<3, mentions of breakup, honestly theres nothing wrong but i think i said 'shit' like twice if you give a shit lmfao

"There's no way you actually think 'Return Of The Jedi' is better than 'The Empire Strikes Back'. Like, come on dude, it's so obvious which is better," Ned exclaimed, obviously feeling very strongly about the little debate he had currently going on with Peter. 

However, Peter couldn't have been more nonchalant. "Listen, man, I love debating with you but I know where I stand and this is where I draw the line," he shrugged.

Ned opened his mouth, no doubt to argue some more with his best friend, when his gaze shifted to you, "Hey man, maybe we should talk about something Y/N can enjoy too."

That made your head snap up from where you were just toying with the food on your tray. "Don't worry about me guys," you forced a smile, "Honestly, I love watching Ned beat you into a pulp about movies," you looked at Peter. 

Peter put on his 'sad-puppy-dog-face', "Ouch babe. You're supposed to side with me here, I'm your boyfriend after all." 

"Well, I would've sided with you if you hadn't bailed on me when we were supposed to watch the movies together the other night. If you'd been there then I would've been able to contribute to this conversation and agree with who I genuinely thought was right, which at this moment, I believe, is Ned." 

Ned grinned at you from across the table and you two high-fived while Peter just pouted some more, "I'm sorry sweetheart, I really am but y'know I had the internship."

You rolled your eyes, "Of course, I know that. At this point the surprising thing is whenever you don't have that internship," you looked at Ned, "Dude, do you know how many dates and hangouts he's canceled on me? I feel like I should be able to sue at this point. Can you sue someone for wasting your time?"

Ned winced, "Pete, I love you man, but you need to start actually acting like her boyfriend otherwise you won't be her boyfriend for much longer."

Peter's eyes widened a bit but then his face quickly turned nonchalant, "It was just a few slip-ups, don't worry about it," he threw an arm around you and pulled you in, kissing the top of your head, "but you're right, we should talk about something we'd all enjoy."

Laughing, you said, "I told you guys, I enjoy hearing you debate because Ned is always-"

Peter threw a hand up, "Don't finish that sentence. I've had enough of you two fraternizing against me for the day."

You and Ned laughed some more, "Well honestly, you two can continue your...," you waved your hands, " 'old-couple-bickering' and I can scooch down a little and go hang out with M.J.."

Peter pulled you in closer at that, "No don't leave," he muttered in your hair. 

"Yeah," Ned started, "let's talk about something else like," he trailed off, "OH, you're managing the school play next week, right? That's gotta be interesting, tell us about that."

"It's really nothing 'Manager' is really just a fun name they stuck on me. Mrs. Lightbody does most of the work."

"Oh come on," Peter said, "when you first got the part, it was all you wanted to talk about. What happened?"

you happened, you thought. It's true, you had been too excited that you'd been chosen to be in charge of everything and you couldn't wait to rant to your boyfriend about just that. That was until he basically ignored you and shook it off as nothing, running away for the stark internship. You hadn't really wanted to talk about it with anybody after that. Maybe it wasn't as cool as you'd thought it was. 

You looked down and just shrugged, "Dunno, guess I just didn't think you guys would be interested in it. You've never really shown interest in theater before."

"Well, that was before my gorgeous girlfriend was in charge. Now, go on, tell us what it's like to get a bunch of theater kids on track."

You laughed, "God it's torture. I'm convinced it's some personalized hell made for someone's eternal punishment and I do not envy them."

Peter and Ned laughed along with you, Peter saying, "Yeah I bet. We all know how much you love your control."

You gasped, eyebrows furrowing, "Peter Parker are you saying I'm a control freak?"

He held up both of his hands in surrender, "No of course not babe," he traded a glance with Ned when you weren't looking. 

"Anyway," he propped an elbow on the table, rested his head on his palm, and made a motion with his other hand, "continue."

You looked at Ned, "Are you sure I'm not boring you," you asked, shoving your hand in Peter's face when he went to argue.

"Of course not Y/N! Wild, out-of-control theater kids is a favorite subject of mine," he grinned and you huffed a laugh. 

"Fine, it's not as easy as I thought'd it be I'll say that. There's always someone way out of line, either singing songs from musicals at the top of their lungs or fighting someone else with the props. One time a kid started climbing the curtain bags and it was disastrous."

You told them all the funny stories you had from the past rehearsals and how you couldn't wait for the upcoming ones. 

"Hey these sound fun how come I haven't been to one yet," Peter asked, referring to the rehearsals. 

You scoffed, "Please Parker, you can barely make it to a date. There's no way you're gonna make it to one of these."

Peter felt a wave of guilt rush over him. He'd been leaving you hanging a lot lately. 

"I'm sorry Y/N/N, really I am. But I want to come to one of these. I want to see you doing your thing. In fact, when's the next one I'll be there," he sounded so sure of himself but you weren't. 

"Um," you hesitated, not really sure if you should answer him, "They're every other day after school until opening night. But Peter, honestly, you don't have to come I know how busy your schedule is and you barely fit in things that you need to do, I seriously doubt you have the time to voluntarily do this," you told him, refusing to get your hopes up. 

"Hey," he leaned closer to you, "I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately but I promise I'm going to be there for you today."

"Peter," you said quietly not being able to meet his eyes and that alone made his heartbreak, "Don't make promises you can't keep. That never ends well."

"Hey if I said I'll be there, then I'll be there. come on, gotta have a little more faith in me than that sweetheart," he smiled a little, letting it grow into a grin when he saw your lips tugging up at the corners of your mouth. 

"Promise," you asked. 

"Promise," he confirmed, leaning in for a sweet kiss. Maybe he could really be there for you this time instead of-

Something hit the side of your face making you both turn your heads towards your other friend. You looked down to find a bunch of rolled-up napkins lying on the floor. 

"Well as glad as I am that y'all got that settled, let us remember that this is a public space," Ned said making you both laugh. 

"So it's settled, meet you in the auditorium after last period right," Peter asked you, trying to make sure he had the times correct. 

"Oh," you replied, a little shocked that he was actually doing this, "Yeah, if you're showing up then I guess so."

peter laughed, "Y/N come on, what did we just have an entire conversation about? Of course, I'm showing up."

You nodded slowly then looked towards Ned, "I didn't hit my head anywhere just a minute ago, did I?" 

Ned just shrugged, "I'm just as surprised as you are Y/N. Peter needs to step up his game and I'm sure the internship can wait an evening. After all," he gave Peter a hard look before an amused expression took over his face, "After all, what is an internship if not just running around making copies of random things and memorizing dozens of different coffee orders."

"Hey man come on, we've been over this." he nodded his head towards you and widened his eyes slightly, but you didn't notice, too busy taking a sip from your chocolate milk, "This isn't just any internship. I have to be available at every moment in case Mr. Stark decides he needs me on something."

"Mhm, whatever," Ned took a bite of his sandwich, "All I'm saying is that no matter how important it is, you need to learn to divide up your time evenly."

"Don't worry Ned, I'll be sure to sign him up for some time management classes," you said seriously, making Ned choke on his food from laughter. 

Peter sighed, one arm still resting on the table, the palm of it holding his head. his other arm tucked away under the table, hand holding yours. 

you were feeling amazing, your mood completely lifted now. Peter was finally making the first step to fix things after your many failed attempts. Things could start going back to how they were at the beginning of your relationship. sweet, caring, and mutual. 

You were so sick of feeling like this whole thing was one-sided but now things finally looked like they were turning up. 

Little did you know. 

When the day finally ended you couldn't wait. Spending time with Peter while hanging out with your new friends (somewhat, you weren't really sure but you were optimistic) seemed like it be such a good time. Almost too good to be true. 

You rushed towards your locker and gathered your stuff before shooting Peter a text that you'll just meet him in the auditorium. 

You arrived there before anyone else, which was typical, everyone would be wandering the halls with their friends for a while before making their way here. The cast and crew might mess around a bit but in the end, they were extremely passionate about what they did and you knew that in the end, the show would be amazing. They were all incredibly talented. 

little by little everyone started filing in in little groups. You searched them all for Peter but he was never a part of them. Oh well, he was probably caught up with Ned and MJ at the moment. He'll be here in a bit. 

When the majority of people were present you, reluctantly, decided you had to get things started whether Peter was here yet or not. Everyone had to start getting to work and he should be here any minute now. 

"Ok everyone, you've been wandering around long enough. Time to get started," you clapped your hands together, a clipboard held under your arm, "Noah, Jack, and Lacy we've got to start making progress on the set and I don't want paint everywhere we've had one paint fight too many," you narrowed your eyes at Noah and Jack who looked down sheepishly. It had been a mess. It'd looked as if a pride parade had thrown up all over the stage. 

"This background is our last chance and if you mess it up again we'll probably have to cancel and if that happens, I will not hesitate to unleash Lexi on you," you gestured towards the girl who glared at them and you could've sworn you saw them pale which made smile a small smile. 

You pulled out your clipboard to skim through and see what was on the agenda. "Where's our light-man," you asked and looked up. Everyone shrugged looking around until a girl, Martha, spoke, "Lenny had a teacher meeting, he's running a bit late but he'll be here."

You nodded, "Martha that reminds me, how's your mom doing with the costumes? does she have everything she needs?" 

Martha nodded quickly, "Measurements and everything. All of them should be ready a few days before the big day and she'll be here that night for any mending that might be needed." She shot you two big thumbs up. 

"Good, good, good," you muttered under your breath. You looked around at everyone and shrugged lightly, "OK so I guess everyone just rehearse your lines, get to work and we should be good for the next couple of hours."

Chatter quickly spread across the large room as everyone got together working and talking. You sat down on a seat and let out a long sigh. You tugged your phone out of your pocket and looked for a new message from Peter. There was nothing. You sent two more and added a call for good measure. He didn't pick up, it just rang all the way through. Maybe he got caught up with a teacher. Or maybe he got detention and didn't get a chance to tell you. 

You had more important things to get to and Peter would get here whenever he got the chance. He'd promised after all. So you shouldn't worry about it too much. 

You started making rounds around all the groups of working teenagers, stopping when you saw Lexi waving you over to her little group which mostly consisted of the main cast. 

You walked over to them, "And how's everything going over here? Any trouble?" They all shook their heads. 

"Actually, I think we're getting along rather well, it's a great cast you've rounded up here miss Y/L/N," Mrs. Lightbody said, making you feel extremely proud. 

"I actually wanted to talk to you," Lexi said kindly. 

"Oh? What's up, Lex." She grabbed your hand and led you a little farther away from the group, turning and shooting them a quick reassuring smile. 

Lexi was the star of the whole play, playing the main character, so you'd worked with her closely these past few weeks. She helped you with even the slightest things so you wouldn't get too stressed or anxious (she claimed you were the only sane person in the whole group and it needed to stay that way). She was undoubtedly the most excited person about the whole play and you couldn't blame her, you could already tell from just practice that she was going to do amazing. She was on the popular side where school cliques were involved, but she was always such a sweetheart. She quickly became a great friend of yours and you hoped it stayed that way even after the play and all these fun little get-togethers were over. 

"Hey, Y/N I noticed you seemed a little off before. I'm sorry if I'm out of line saying this but I just wanted to check in on you and make sure everything was okay. Anything going on? I'm always here to listen if you need to talk," she smiled one of her heartwarming smiles. 

You were a little shocked that she'd noticed, "Thanks Lex, really, but I'm fine I promise. but thank you so much for looking out for me."

she had a look on her face like she didn't believe you but she didn't push it, which you appreciated, "ok well if you decide you want to talk about I'm always around I promise," she grabbed you into a hug which you gladly accepted. she pulled away and squeezed your shoulder before heading back to the group. 

You loved her but really there was nothing wrong. Because Peter was gonna show up. Even if he hadn't answered you yet. He's gonna show up, follow you like a lost puppy, and marvel at your every move in that way of his to the point where it got annoying, and you were gonna make him swear to never come to one of these again. To which he would pout and give you puppy-dog eyes and you'd both forget whatever it was you'd said. 

He had to come. otherwise, you might seriously start considering Ned's words from earlier. or you won't be her boyfriend for much longer. 

Peter had to show up because maybe your whole relationship was on the line. 

An hour of a bunch of nonsense arguing passed until you finally heard the press of the large auditorium doors opening up. 

Your heart flew when you saw the large mess of brunette curls turned to close the doors. however, your hope quickly deflated as soon as the figure turned around. it was just Lenny the light-man. 

"Lenny, great. I need you to start working on the lights and getting them ready," you told him. He nodded and quickly made his way backstage. 

You were totally bummed. peter hadn't even replied to you so you had no clue what was going on. you'd even gone so far as to text Ned who'd just sent you a shrugging emoji and an apology for not knowing where he was. 

You felt a little broken, with each passing minute, your hope that your boyfriend might still show up dying down. 

You were desperate so you walked down to the side of the stage where Lexi was chatting with her 'co-star' Brad Davis, who played her love interest. 

You walked up to them, your hand lightly grabbing Lexi's shoulder which brought her attention to you, "Can I talk to you," you whispered. She nodded quickly. You looked towards Brad whose attention was already on you, "Is it alright if I just steal her for a moment," you sent him a fake smile. He smiled back, "No don't worry about it, she's all yours."

He looked like he was might say something else but you didn't give him the chance to before dragging your friend away from all the commotion, "I'm ready to talk now."

She looked at you knowingly before sitting down and patting the spot next to her. So you sat and you told her everything. You told her about all the missed dates, how sometimes he'd just ignore you completely making it impossible to reach him and come back and act like nothing happened, how it always seemed like he was hiding something, and how you were so tired. 

And she listened, of course, never making you feel like you were being overdramatic, and making you feel something that Peter always failed to. Seen. 

When you finally finished Lexi looked at you with total sympathy-eyes, you hated it but you sucked it up because you had chosen to talk to her. 

"Permission to speak freely?" she asked hesitantly. You nodded quickly, "Yes of course, please do that's why I came to you in the first place." 

"Dump his ass," she deadpanned. Your eyes widened in shock as you looked at her. "Really?" you asked. She nodded, "Y/N, I love you but it's obvious that this boy doesn't. Because if he did there's no way he'd test you like that, I mean, he's standing you up right now when he promised he'd be here. I say end it before it gets worse. But hey," she held up both hands, "If you think I'm out of line saying that I totally understand but I'm just telling you what I'd do if I was in your shoes."

"You think I should dump him," you mumbled looking down, not really believing it. You'd thought about it sure, what would happen if you two weren't together anymore but you'd never considered it an option, let alone a solution. 

"Thanks, Lex, I'll think about it," you gave her a tight smile and she smiled back. "I just hope you do whatever feels best for you Y/N, you've been looking down lately and you don't deserve that." She gave your hand a squeeze and one last smile before she went back to practice. 

You weren't seriously thinking about ending things with Peter, you were too scared to lose him. Your friendship was more important than any relationship ever could be. But the longer he went as a no-show the more it ran through your brain for the rest of rehearsal. Peter never texted or called. You were desperate for a simple "sorry" at this point, not wanting to have to settle for the worst option. But as time went on, the less it seemed like an option and more like a task. Something you had to do, that had to be done—something new to check off your clipboard. 

Rehearsal ended and people left in groups as they had come. You lingered, smiling and saying you had just a few things to check up on before you left whenever someone took regard for your incessant hovering. Soon enough you were the only person in the big empty room. 

You sat at the edge of the stage, legs dangling, and pulled out your phone from your pocket. You sent one last text, we need to talk. 

After about ten minutes of waiting there, you decided it was getting late and you had to get home before it was too dark. maybe you could convince your parents to let you head over to Peter's after dinner and you could get over with it then. your mind was made up. you were gonna break up with him. 

You gathered your things and made your way up to the big double doors. The hallways were quiet and you were hyperaware of every step of yours. It was weird to see the school so dead, a big contrast to the usual packed hallways. The more you thought about it the more it was like you could almost hear the running footsteps of students. No scratch that, student. Okay at this point it started sounding too real.

You turned around to catch your boyfriend speeding down the hallway, skidding to a stop when you saw you. 

"Oh my god Y/N, I'm so sorry I totally lost track of time. I was just helping May out with a few things and next thing I know-" 

You held up a hand to stop him, "Save it Peter I really don't care." 

His face fell, "But, hey, let me make it up to you! Let's go get some ice cream or something. You can tell me what rehearsal was like today and I'll walk you home after. It's getting dark."

You crossed your arms. you almost wanted to agree but you knew better than that, this whole thing was getting way too much for you to handle. 

"Peter I'm done," you told him simply. he looked at you a little confused, "done...done with what?"

"This," you almost screamed as you pointed at the two of you, "I'm done with this, this whole act because, let's face it, we both know you weren't helping May with shit." you were surprised you had gotten this far without crying and you wanted to keep it that way so you sucked in a breath and tried to steady your heartbeat. 

The guilty look in his eyes told you enough. you were right. he moved the slightest step closer but you moved back, you really didn't feel like touching him at the moment. "come on sweetheart," he said weakly, "there's gotta be something I can do. I promise I'll show up on time more, you'll never have to wait for me again. I'll be around you so much you'll get sick of me. just please don't do this."

"That's the thing, Peter," you groaned, "I don't want to be sick of you but I'm sick of the way you keep treating me. you make me feel like shit Peter. you're my boyfriend and you make me feel terrible. and I keep trying to help you out, coming up with different excuses each time but I've finally run out. I want a stable relationship and you can't give me that so I'm done." 

His eyes were red now and you had to push back the guilt you were feeling, he brought this upon himself. it's true, you wouldn't have done this unless it was absolutely necessary. you loved him but you just couldn't handle it anymore. 

"I can," his voice broke slightly on that last word, "I can give you that y/n just give me another chance to show you." 

You huffed, "Well Peter, part of a stable relationship is honesty. can you be honest and tell me where you were today? 'Cause it's been established that you weren't with May."

He froze a little and you continued, "In fact, why don't you tell me where you were when you missed all those dates, all those couple hangouts, and all those group hangouts? When you missed my parents' anniversary dinner that they invited you to, or my little brother's birthday party that he was really excited you'd be there for. Go ahead Pete," you flung out your arms, "tell me where you were and I'll believe you can give me a stable relationship."

He looked physically conflicted, as if he was genuinely having an inner battle with himself, "I- I can't y/n/n, but you have to believe me when I say it's for the best."

"And I can't Peter. I can't so just forget this," you cleared your throat, "Come back when you can actually handle a relationship Parker, or you know what, don't because either way, I'm through with this."

You turned to walk away. his hand reached out to grab your wrist but you dodged it and held your hand up, "I don't think we should talk anymore," you kept walking and he didn't follow. You didn't want him to. But in all honesty, it was hard to turn your back when the person you were leaving was always the one you ran to when your heart shattered as it did right then. 

the cold air hit you hard and the tears finally came, slightly smudging the concealer under your eyes but you couldn't care less at the moment. 

It was true what he'd said, it was dark already and windy so you tried to be alert on your way home, deciding you could process all your emotions when you're home safe. 

You were walking for a bit, wiping your tears and trying to keep your vision clear when you heard a slight thud next to you and footsteps matching up to catch yours. "Hello Miss, it's pretty dark, can I walk you home?"

part 2 is here !!

[scoobyrooster1]

She's Mine [Part 3]

Qimir x (she/her)!reader

Summary: As Qimir’s newly sworn acolyte, you were supposed to be learning the ways of your master, far from prying eyes. But in a desperate attempt to escape the Jedi and Republic Space, you find yourself entangled in the dangerous mission of a mercenary crew. A hyperdrive malfunction forces the crew to land on a remote planet for repairs, leaving you stuck in the middle of a perilous scramble. With time running out and the mission to Canto Bight hanging in the balance, your loyalties—and your survival—are about to be tested like never before. Warnings: Angst, cursing, violence, trigger warning!sexual harassment, very protective Qimir Notes: This is a slow burn story between you and Qimir. I've been researching high republic history and I'm really excited for the next chapters!

*Im trying my best to use canon history but high republic era is a little difficult so there will be discrepancies and times where I have to improvise... bear with me!

She's Mine Masterlist

She's Mine [Intro] 

She's Mine [Part 1] 

She's Mine [Part 2] 

She's Mine [Part 2.2]

-----------------------------------------------------

To your surprise, the ship actually made it to the small green planet in one piece. The journey had taken far longer than usual without the hyperdrive, but you were just grateful that the systems needed to fly the damn thing were still online. Otherwise, you'd have been left drifting in space, dead stick and helpless.

All of this meant more time in republic space with an item that people would kill for.

Great.

Looking to distract yourself from the unsettling dream that had left an insatiable itch in the back of your brain, you'd jumped into the engine compartment. The walls were lined with a maze of conduits and cables, all neatly bundled but seemingly endless, carrying power and data to every part of the ship. Scanning the machinery around you, all the correct lights were on and flashing. You flipped a few switches, listening to the ship’s steady hum in response. Your eyes fell to the compensator gauge... right there. You loosened a few bolts and opened the compartment, removing a singed piece. Shit. It was fried.

"Its the inertial dampener." You yelled up. "We're lucky we weren't blown half way to hell."

It was true. You all were very lucky.

Ians eyebrows plucked up.

You continued. "If we don't replace this servo." You waved the piece in the air. "Then it'll be our last hyperspace jump ever."

"Whatsssss a ssservo?" Kiro inquired.

"A servomotor?...its a part of the stabilizer... the stabilizer controls temporal displacement."

Kiro only stared at you. Nothing occurring in those reptilian eyes.

"The stabilizer is built into the dampener and turns the time it would normally take us to travel from point A to point B into what seems like an instant to us."

Still more silence. Shaun and Kiro just looked at eachother.

"So, what exactly do you two do again?" You questioned.

Ian practically burst out laughing. Kiro and Shaun exchanged amused glances.

"Kiro here," Ian began, "is my muscle. He goes where I go. And well, Shaun keeps an eye from above."

You narrowed your eyes at him, trying to process the words. "Right... So you two were what—knitting while I was getting my ass beat by a Twi'lek?"

Ian’s face turned a violent shade of purple, laughing even harder. He wiped tears from his eyes, finally catching his breath and returning to grabbing his small satchel. "Thanks to them, the other thugs were intercepted."

"Other thugs?" you mumbled, confused.

Ian nodded, still chuckling. "Rod noted the guy that walked up to you, and there were others. We took care of it. Well, minus the Twi'lek... she actually knew what she was doing."

"And you forgot to mention all this?" you asked, sarcasm thick in your voice.

"Hey, it didn’t seem pertinent at the time..., we’d all had one hell of a day."

"Right," you said dryly, giving him a hard look.

Ian just blinked and continued gathering his things. "So you know your way around a starship... luckily I know a guy who might have what we need just a few clicks from here. Kiro lets go."

"An inertial dampener isn't an easy fix."

"I know sweetheart... thats why were here."

"Where are you gonna find another servomotor."

You were met with silence and the opening of blast doors. Not paying you anymore mind, Ian treaded down, Kiro and Shaun trailing behind him.

You only sighed leaning against the circuits. Contemplating your next move. You had left your master errily sleeping on his cot. He was most likely still down and you would do anything to avoid any conversation... especially after that dream.

You hoisted yourself up and out of the engine compartment.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Ian eyes tracked you wandering behind them.

"You tagging along or something?"

You looked in the general direction of the ship. You almost expected Qimir to be there standing on the ramp. You could swear you sensed his presence or at least his shadow.

"I need some fresh air. And I don't trust you enough to not screw this up."

He shrugged. "The more the merrier I guess."

As you walked through the grassy horticultural fields of maker knows where, you swatted at the gnats buzzing near your face. The sky was darkening, and you couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling of being too far from the ship. You eventually reached the edge of town, being far more urbanized than you expected.

"This way."

Ian led you to a small hut along the bustling main street, its exterior cluttered with old droids and rusted ship parts haphazardly strewn about. You could only hope that somewhere inside was the part you needed to fix the dampener.

A Quarren male stood behind the desk cluttered with tools and machine parts.

"Ian." He drawled through his beak like mouth.

"Heelim... my good friend."

"What trouble have you brought to my doorstep this time."

Ian only smiled in response.

----------

"An inertial dampener? Thats not an easy fix."

You gave Ian a look. He was obviously ignoring whatever I told you so face you were serving him.

"But if theres anyone who would have the part I know it'd be you."

"So. You just thought I'd have a servo lying around here?

"To be honest you were the closest option."

He chuckled in response.

"I am sorry my friend but I have no servos matching the one to your specific freighter."

Ian only bit his tongue and slapped Heelims arm in response.

"Thats quite alright. We'll figure it out my friend."

"Well if you need anything else feel free to look around."

Shaun had wandered outside already. Kiro tapped the machinery next to him with his claw, creating a sharp clang that rang through the store.

You toggled with some of merhandise around you, none of which could replace a servo.

"You work for Ian?" The Quarren questioned you.

"I owe him."

"Ahhhhhh... unfortunate."

You chuckled in response, looking around you realized you were the only one left in the store as Ian turned his heal.

"Thank you for your help."

The Quarren nodded his head.

-------

You found the three of them standing in a circle, deep in debate over your dwindling options.

Stepping up, you interjected, “So, he doesn’t have one. Maybe someone else does.” You tried to keep your tone hopeful, though you knew the answer.

“There aren’t any other sssellers who’ll have what he doesssn't," Kiro replied, his voice a cold hiss. "Heelim is the bessst.”

Ian shrugged, eyes on the ground but clearly working something out in his head. “Who said anything about buying one?”

You cut in quickly, already guessing where Ian was headed. “I saw a blue A-23 freighter in the yard. If I remember right, it should have similar parts to your ship.”

Without waiting for a response, you rushed back inside the shop.

“Do you know the owner of that light blue A-23 freighter outside?” you asked the shopkeeper.

He gave you a suspicious look, eyes narrowing, knowing exactly why you seeked the information.

You sighed, frustration creeping in. “Please.”

For a long moment, he just stared at you. Ten long seconds. You seized on whatever flicker of empathy might have passed across his face.

Finally, he relented. “That ship belongs to Laro Kiggs. He frequents the bar down the street. You never heard this from me”

“Thank you,” you said quickly, turning to leave.

Before you could make it out the door, his voice stopped you. “Traveling with Ian makes unsuspecting people accustomed to looking over their shoulders... but I see that’s already second nature to you.”

His words caught you off guard, hitting closer to home than you expected.

“I’ve had to be," you admitted quietly.

He hummed thoughtfully. "Finding real safety, real solace, in this system or the next... it's a rare gift. But it exists. I was lucky enough to find it. Understand—it’s out there."

You smiled faintly, understanding what he was implying and stepped out into the street.

-------

You rushed back outside, catching them mid-conversation.

Kiro hissed, “Getting onto a freighter here is easssssy enough.”

“I found the owner,” you interrupted, catching their attention. “He should be at the bar tonight.”

Ian finally looked up. “Alright. Shaun, you and y/n will keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn’t leave the bar. Kiro and I will handle the ship. I’ll signal Rod to expect another half-hour delay.”

Shaun frowned. “Are you sure about this?”

“What other choice do we have?” Ian shot back. “The nearest planet’s days away without a working dampener, and our buyer’s going to be on Corinth wondering where his precious book is.”

------------

Ian and Kiro took a speeder to the parked ships on the outskirts of the town. Ian would board the ship while Kiro stood guard and hopefully return with the servomotor you needed. You and Shaun stationed yourself at the local tavern.

The bar had a certain allure to it, bathed in warm, low lighting and filled with the sound of glasses clinking and conversations blending into a constant buzz. Then again it wasn't any different than any other bar in the galaxy.

You leaned over the bar, trying to catch the bartender's attention.

“Heyyy, I scratched a really nice blue freighter yesterday—parked by the market. Any chance you know the owner? I feel awful about it.”

The bartender didn’t even glance up. “Laro Kiggs. He’s right over there with his buddies. Black jacket.”

You followed his gaze and spotted him.

The bartender leaned in, giving you a knowing look. “If he hasn’t noticed yet, I wouldn’t say anything.”

“Thanks a ton,” you replied, voice sugary sweet, but entirely fake.

Walking back to Shaun, you whispered discreetly, “Black jacket, at your 12 o’clock.”

Shaun nodded.

It had only been three minutes since Ian entered the ship when his voice crackled through your coms.

It’s locked.

“What?” You struggled to keep a straight face.

It’s fucking locked. The compartment’s locked.

“Shit.”

Yeah. Shit, Ian echoed, static in the background. Who the hell locks their hyperdrive compartment?

“Maybe someone who doesn’t want their shit stolen by criminals?” you shot back, trying to think fast.

The window was closing, and you had to act quickly.

“Okay… Plan B. Ian, stand by.”

You noticed Shaun standing up, heading directly toward Laro. Instinct kicked in, and you blocked his path with a hand.

“What are you doing?” you asked, eyes narrowing.

“We need that key,” he said.

“And what? You’re just going to knock him out in the middle of the bar? Start a fight and get a mob chasing Ian and Kiro?”

He stared at you, unamused. “Got a better idea?”

“Actually, yes. Grab a speeder and stand by for the key.”

He shot you an incredulous look but headed for the door without another word.

What? Ian’s voice stammered in confusion through the coms.

You closed the channel.

You chugged your drink, steeling yourself as you walked up to the man. Adjusting your blouse, you reminded yourself that you could do this.

With a confident tap on his shoulder, you leaned in. "I—oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone I was looking for."

He turned, eyes sweeping over you with a lingering gaze. "I can be."

You laughed, taking a few steps closer, playing into his interest. "Well, are you gonna buy me a drink?"

A sinister smile tugged at his lips. "Why, of course."

It didn’t take long to get him another drink deep, his inhibitions loosening with each gulp. You used the opportunity to subtly feel for any sign of the key you were after, disguising your search with drunken leans and falls against him. Your hand brushed something square in his left jacket pocket.

"You know," he whispered, leaning closer, "we could always move this to my ship for more privacy." His hand slid across your thigh, the gesture bold and invasive.

You forced a playful smile, letting your right hand toy with his hair while your left hand moved towards his torso. He was too focused on your touch to notice your fingers slipping into his jacket pocket. You felt the cold metal of the key and smoothly withdrew it.

Too easy.

But before you could pull away, his hand moved higher up your thigh, edging dangerously close to your belt.

He went on. "Its only a few clicks away... if we are indeed two ships just passing in the night."

Before you could react, someone snatched your glass from the table.

It was Qimir.

Without a word, he downed the rest of your drink in one gulp, his eyes fixed on you.

"Looks like your drink's run out," he said coolly. "Let's get you another."

The guy beside you grumbled, glaring at Qimir. "Hey buddy, we were talking."

Qimir's eyes flicked to him, full of indifference. "And now you're done talking." He slammed the glass on the table. His voice was low, but it was enough to silence the man.

Qimir pulled you away, leading you toward another section of the bar.

You yanked your arm free and made a beeline for the exit.

Shaun waited on a speeder outside. You shoved the key into his hand beckoning him to get to Ian as quickly as possible.

"Here. Get this to Ian. We'll meet you back at the ship."

Shaun only nodded and revved the speeder, disappearing into the night.

Qimir had caught up to you outside.

Turning to face him your mouth ran away from you.

"What the hell was that?" you snapped.

"You were obviously uncomfortable," Qimir replied, not bothering to look at you.

You crossed your arms, huffing. "I can handle myself."

"He's a creep."

"So are most of the men in there," you shot back, shrugging off the situation.

Here’s a refined version of your scene, enhancing the emotional intensity and flow:

“This is exactly what I said would happen,” Qimir stated, his tone clipped.

“And how’s that exactly?” you shot back.

“You getting yourself into something I have to pull you out of.”

Fury surged through you, and you slammed your fists down, your face flushing with rage. “Don’t make excuses. I never asked to be pulled out of anything.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Well, next time a guy grabs my ass and I need your help, I’ll be sure to let you know first, Master.”

Qimir’s jaw tightened, clearly taken aback by your words.

You yelled, “If you had pulled me away just seconds earlier, you would have messed everything up!” Your body surged forward, hands outstretched.

In a burst of anger, you shoved him.

You actually shoved him.

He took it, standing firm, still caught up in whatever wave of misplaced duty he felt. His patronizing gaze made you want to slap him.

Screw this, you thought.

Maybe it was the liquor, or maybe you just needed more of it.

You stomped back inside waving your hand at the bartender. "One flameout please."

Your eyes scanned the bar for Laro making sure he was staying put. There he was already looking you up and down from a distance. You rolled your eyes and turned back to the bar.

The bartender caught your signal for another drink sliding a small shot of red liquid down the bar towards you. You gulped it down, throwing a few credits on the table. You could only hope that Ian had grabbed the servo by now and had gotten the hell out of there. But before you could enjoy the moment of solitude, Kiggs approached again, his drunken friends laughing and egging him on from a distance.

"Let’s pick up where we left off," he slurred.

"Let’s not," you replied flatly.

"C’mon, not interested anymore, I’m a great dancing partner," he said, stepping closer, his breath a noxious mix of alcohol and something far worse.

He grabbed your waist, pulling you into him. His hands wandered, groping you in a way that made your skin crawl.

You shoved him hard... far harder than you had shoved Qimir earlier. The force of it sent him stumbling backward a few feet. But it only seemed to make him angrier. He straightened up, his eyes narrowing as he started to march toward you again.

Good.

You could use a fight to blow off some steam. You readied your hands to connect with his jaw, eager to pop a crack at this entitled prick.

Before you could react, Qimir appeared in front of you, faster than you’d ever seen him move. His arm shot out, his hand wrapping around the man’s throat with terrifying ease. The man gasped, his hands clawing at Qimir’s grip, but he was choking on more than just the pressure of Qimir’s hand—there was something more. The air seemed to be ripped from his lungs, as though Qimir was suffocating him without effort. Laro’s friends were all drunk, but not quite enough to miss the warning signs. They kept a safe distance, clearly sensing that Qimir wasn’t the type to be messed with.

Qimir leaned in, his voice barely above a whisper, but you were close enough to hear. "You touch her again and I'll kill you."

He released the man, who dropped to the floor in a heap, gasping for breath. Qimir didn’t spare him another glance, turning to face you, his eyes unreadable.

You stared at him, still catching your breath from the sudden surge of adrenaline.

"Unbelievable." You stormed past him exiting the bar speaking into your coms. "Ian you might wanna put a rush on that servo."

The bar around you seemed distant now, the noise fading into the background as you focused on the path ahead. The liquor warmed your skin making the cold air unnoticeable.

For a moment, you wanted to argue—wanted to tell him you didn’t need his protection. But the way he had reacted, the intensity in his eyes, told you something different. Something deeper.

You had made it back to the ship.

You walked into your room. He followed.

You paced around until you stopped to look at him.

He was... withholding himself.

"I need you to give me a reason" He said softly.

"What?"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go back there and put a hole through his skull."

You closed the distance between you, your face inches from his. "Because if anyone has the right to, it’s me... yet here I am." you almost spat the words at him.

His eyebrows, once furrowed in anger, relaxed slightly, seemingly satisfied with your reason. But tension still radiated from him, his eyes blinking rapidly, betraying whatever calm facade he wished to portray.

The intensity of his gaze almost made you falter, but you gathered your resolve, summoning the courage to ask the question that had been lingering in your mind.

“Why did you do that?” you demanded, frustration bubbling to the surface.

“What?” he replied, feigning ignorance.

“Back at the bar. Why did you do that?”

“What are you talking about, y/n?”

You scoffed, disbelief washing over you. You were damned if you’d ever get a straight answer from him.

“Forget it... you should have just stayed at the ship.”

“That guy was harassing you,” he insisted.

“That doesn’t give you the right to threaten people.”

“I have a responsibility to you. You are my acolyte.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make me yours,” you emphasized, each syllable sharp.

He went still, as if the weight of your words hit him. But the understanding in his eyes vanished as quickly as it had come.

“You’re drunk,” he said, turning away to focus on the clutter around his cot.

“You would know,” you shot back, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. “I guess we both do stupid shit when we’re drunk.”

He spun around, eyes narrowed.

“What is that supposed to mean?” His tone turned venomous, defensive.

“You know exactly what it means,” you bit back, refusing to back down.

Suddenly you heard the blast doors open and close.

"Time to go." Ian barely managed the words as he ran through the hallway passing your room.

You broke away from Qimirs space. Rushing after Ian.

"So I'm guessing Laro made it back to his ship."

"Yep." Was all that Ian revealed.

You caught up to him snatching the servo out of his hand.

"Get to the cockpit. Get us in the air. Rod and I will handle the drive."

Ian didn't have time to argue.

You got to the engine compartment to find Rod already prepping.

Jumping down, you almost landed on your arse.

Damn those drinks.

The ship started humming and rattling as you guessed you were now in the upper atmosphere.

You took the piece and fitted it to the stabilizer grabbing the wrench to bolt everything back in place.

"That damned thing better work." Ian yelled.

You secured the servo and closed the dampener.

"Punch it." You spoke through the coms.

You felt your hair rise as the hyperdrive kicked then lit up. A small energy surge knocked you back. A loud vroom sounded in your ears as you slouched against the wall.

You took another deep breath, steadying yourself and closing your eyes.

You were in hyperspace... safe. At least for now.

-----------------------------

Thats all folks! Let me know in the comments what you guys think! The next few chapters are going to get intense :)

[lavendercharm]

Linger, Chapter 5: Kiss With A Fist/Human Nature

A/N:

Ya'll. Writing this chapter felt like a marathon. But I think I'm ultimately very happy with it. Please let me know what you think!

This chapter is a bit longer, and I think it deserved to be named after two songs because of that. "Kiss With A Fist" by Florence + The Machine definitely fits the first half of this chapter and was one of the first songs I added to my playlist when writing this story, so I knew I wanted to use it for the big public confrontation.

The vibes toward the end are different. I discovered this song earlier this week and haven't been able to stop listening to it, so maybe I'm just reaching to try and justify including it lol. But "Human Nature" by Barrie is what I decided to use for the second half of this. Cause they're spitting facts when they say "Human nature doesn't always come easy" lmfao.

This is far from the end of this story, but it may be a second before you hear from me, depending on how busy the next few weeks are. I say that - watch me turn around and post something this weekend lol.

Thank you to everyone who's stuck with me thus far. I love you and I'm so grateful to know you're along for the ride.

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Summary: From the moment you meet her, you can't stand Melissa Schemmenti.

Warnings: Strong Language

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Barbara Howard did not take days off. It was only recently that she allowed herself her first mental health day, and while she could see the benefits, she had been eager to get back to her classroom, her students, her best friend, and even her coworkers. The life of a teacher was unpredictable, and the life of a teacher at Abbott Elementary came with its own unique set of challenges, but Barbara had seen a lot in her decades of teaching. With some hard work, support from her fellow teachers, and the grace of God himself, she had seen and survived it all. Barbara Howard could conquer anything thrown her way.

However, if Barbara had the magical gift of foresight, she might have chosen Monday morning to take her second mental health day in her entire history at Abbott. 

As it was, Barbara could not see into the future, and so she entered the teacher’s lounge at 6:30 AM, on the dot. She claimed her usual spot, made herself a cup of coffee, and began sorting through her lesson plans for the week. She enjoyed her few moments of serenity in the lounge prior to the arrival of her more talkative coworkers. It wasn’t unusual for Melissa to arrive a bit later, especially on a Monday, so Barbara thought nothing of her absence. She politely greeted Janine and Jacob as they entered together; she did the same for Gregory shortly after. As the three younger teachers gathered at their table and discussed their weekends, Barbara continued her work, occasionally reacting to what she overheard. And when you entered the lounge, your first time visiting in the morning, Barbara was mildly surprised, but she shot you a warm smile all the same. She noticed you seemed to be a bit tense, but she chalked it up to the fact that you were still very new. 

Melissa had talked her ear off about you last Monday, of course, explaining your tardiness and the shots you’d taken at her about her age. When Barb pressed her for details about your confrontation and what you’d said to each other, she simply said, “I took care of business, a’right?” 

While Barbara agreed it was unprofessional of you to arrive late, she also knew Melissa better than anyone else in Abbott did; she knew Melissa could take things too far. Melissa was as passionate as they came, which meant she was one of the best teachers at the school. On the flip side, she also had a short fuse. Barbara knew she didn’t have all of the details, but she didn’t think much of it - you were a sub, after all. She expected she’d never actually meet you. 

So when you arrived in the lounge for lunch the day after your explosive argument, she was shocked. While skeptical of you, she couldn’t help but admire your tenacity. You’d come face to face with the wrath of Melissa Schemmenti and still returned to Abbott. You’d introduced yourself, and as far as Barbara could tell, you were perfectly polite and well mannered. The displeasure and hostility radiating off of Melissa was felt by everyone in the lounge, but aside from giving her close friend a pointed look, Barbara chose to ignore it. 

You’d continued showing up the rest of the week, greeting Barbara every day before taking a seat with Janine and Jacob, as well as Gregory, occasionally. The younger teachers seemed to have taken an instant liking to you, the four of you sharing stories from previous schools or discussing the latest movie releases. You’d even had a good-natured exchange with Ava one morning. The principal had leant against the corner with her phone and talked you through her “roster”, whatever that meant. Barbara was sure she didn’t want to know. 

Barbara observed how seamlessly you integrated into Abbott’s social circles - with the obvious exception of the red head who always sat to her right in the lounge. Melissa pretended you didn't exist, which would have been fine if it wasn’t the elephant in the room. Your first day in the lounge, Janine had tried to talk to Melissa about you. She’d turned to Melissa with a huge grin on her face and said, “Man, Melissa, you’re so lucky to have such an awesome sub as your aide.” 

Melissa had glanced at Janine over the rim of her cat-eye glasses, and in a sharp tone, retorted, “What sub?” That’s all it took for everyone in the room to grasp her unspoken message: If you value your life, drop it. The only reaction Barbara saw was a sharp flash of your eyes before you turned your back to the older woman and called Janine over, changing the subject. 

But last Friday, Melissa caught up with Barbara after the school day ended and explained that you’d just given her two VIP tickets to the Eagles game on Sunday. If there was anything that would help Melissa forgive your transgressions, it was that. Once again, Barbara found herself impressed with you - you took the initiative to make amends and you’d knocked it out of the park. She was happy for her friend. She’d told Melissa, “Just think of how much you’ll be able to accomplish now that you and that young woman can work together. Now, you and Gary go enjoy that ball game.” 

A week after your first morning at Abbott, all of the water was seemingly under the bridge, and the staff room could breathe easy again. No one paid much mind to the anxiety radiating off of you. For the most part, the energy in the room was calming as the day began. 

The sudden CRACK of the door slamming into the shelves violently ripped the room’s occupants out of their morning zen. It was enough to cause everyone to nearly jump out of their skin. Heads whipped in the direction of the doorway as Melissa’s furious form charged into the lounge. Her attention was initially on Barb, but as she opened her mouth to speak, her eyes locked on you. The blush of fury rose instantly in her cheeks. She ripped her bag off of her shoulder and tossed it in the direction of her regular table, nearly hitting Barbara in the process, and as her eyes narrowed, you could practically see the steam rolling off of her as she hissed out, “You.” 

And that’s when Barbara knew any chance of a peaceful morning had gone out the window.

—----------------------

As your weekend began, it didn’t take long for it to sink in that you were well and truly fucked. You completely failed to consider the consequences of your little scheme. There’s no way in hell Melissa wouldn’t be out for blood at the start of the next school week. The smartest thing to do would be to never return to Abbott, move to a new city across the country, and change your legal name. You went back and forth between chastising yourself for being ridiculous, and being so ridden with anxiety that you couldn’t eat. You felt so stupid - what did you think would happen? 

Ultimately, you reached a point where you couldn’t handle the crushing weight of what you’d done alone, so you’d spilled to Ava. Her response had been about the least reassuring thing she could have said.

You did WHAT? I didn’t know you were crazy like that! You’re gonna die girl. I’m not even joking. We gotta go out this weekend, cause it’s your last one alive. I’ll make sure you have fun tho. Do you own any latex?

After refusing Ava’s offers to make your last days on earth worthwhile, you spent most of the weekend drowning in anxiety and imagining how Melissa would bring about your demise. You decided you had to do your best to prepare. You literally couldn’t afford to not go back to Abbott, especially after getting your headlights repaired Saturday afternoon. Under the anxiety, you could feel the ember of your rage, still pulsing with a red-hot glow, so you decided to grasp ahold of it. What you’d done was shitty, sure. But compared to smashing headlights? All you’d done was get even.

Seeing as you couldn’t afford to uproot your whole life and leave Philadelphia, the next most logical thing to do was to never be caught alone in a room with Melissa ever again. You were pretty sure this was something you could pull off - you figured you had two weeks left at Abbott tops, and as long as you had kids or other teachers in the same room, you would have witnesses who could recount your violent death should Melissa murder you. 

This is what caused you to arrive at Abbott on Monday morning a full hour and a half before you needed to be there. You’d dithered in your car for about fifteen minutes, debating driving away and then talking yourself out of it. Eventually, you braved the outdoors, darting into the building and down the hallways as quickly as you could. You practically sprinted past Melissa’s classroom door - the lights were out, but even though you logically knew she wasn’t in yet, your mind conjured a vivid image of her jumping out of the shadows like a monster in waiting. You slowed down and tried to control your breathing as you entered the teacher’s lounge, and you were immediately soothed to see how many people were already there. Even better, Melissa was absent. 

As you passed Barbara, you gave her a hesitant smile. You actually liked Barbara, as much as you can like someone who’s polite and whom you don’t know very well. You figured it may be the last chance you get - surely the woman would turn against you once Melissa told her what you’d done. Janine, Jacob, and Gregory were all sitting at your usual table, and after preparing your morning coffee, you quickly situated yourself in a seat, thankfully facing the door to the lounge.

“Hey!” Janine said, shooting you her adorable, slightly gapped-toothed smile. “How was your weekend?”

“Oh, uh… it was fine,” you said, your eyes darting toward the door as it opened. Not Melissa . “Mostly caught up on chores… had to get some work done to my car, fun stuff like that.”

“Car problems are tough,” Gregory said, spooning a bite out of his bowl of plain oatmeal. “What was wrong with it?”

“Uh…” you hesitated, unsure if you wanted to share what was really wrong. It would inevitably lead to questions and the last thing you wanted was for everyone to know the details of your feud. It was one thing for everyone to know Melissa didn’t like you - there were very few people Melissa actually liked in general. But it was another entirely for them to know she’d smashed out your headlights. Something generic - a bad alternator, maybe - would suffice.

You didn’t even get the chance to lie.

Despite the fact that you could see the doorway, the resounding SMACK of the door slamming open still made you jump. Before your brain knew what it was processing, in stormed Melissa Schemmenti, thick heels clacking on the linoleum tiles. She wore a form fitting pink sweater, the neckline questionably appropriate, and skin tight black pants. Her saint necklaces shimmered from their home on her collarbones. You supposed she wanted to look hot when she killed you.

It only took a moment for her eyes to lock on you, and in that moment you knew things were about to get ugly. To your surprise, seeing the flustered state she was in created a feeling of immense satisfaction. She was furious because your plan had worked. You didn’t even fight the smile that began to find its way onto your lips. The anxiety wasn’t gone, but you relished in the triumphant feeling of landing a critical hit. 

“ You,” she hisses, tossing her bag from her shoulder. The tension in the air was thick enough to be cut with a knife. 

Your eyebrows shoot up, feigned ignorance in your voice as you point at yourself and respond, “Who, me?”

She starts toward you, and everyone else at your table scatters. You’re shocked to see Janine step in front of you, her hands up placatingly. “Melissa-”

“Shut it, pipsqueak, and get out of my way ,” she growls, her gaze over Janine’s head burning holes in you. 

“Hey!” You spit out, anger spiking and crowding out your anxiety. You’re suddenly standing. “Don’t call her that!”

Janine turns to you, holding a hand in your direction now too. “It’s fine, she calls me that all the time-” 

“It’s not fine!” You shout, fists balled. Your eyes are glued to Melissa’s. “You think you can say and do whatever you want because no one will stand up to you. Well, I’m not going to put up with it!” 

“Oh my god, please stop this. I will never psychologically recover from seeing your dead body,” Jacob pleads, wedged between the corner of the room and the fridge for cover. 

“Can’t believe I was dumb enough to trust ya,” Melissa growls. “And after all that bullshit about ‘olive branches' and bein’ cordial.”

You smirk. “Oh, right! How was the game?”

Melissa starts forward again and Janine has to physically hold her back. She’s shockingly effective in spite of her small stature. 

“Ya know I didn’t get into the game! Gary and I went all the way to the stadium, but you gave me fake tickets! We wasted our whole afternoon and got harassed by security!” she shouts. 

“So what are you gonna do about it? Beat me up? Call the cops on me?” you challenge.

A deeply offended look crosses Melissa’s face as her jaw drops. “Are you callin’ me a snitch?” she snarls. She surges against Janine one more time, who manages to keep her back again. “That’s low, even for you!” Melissa says nastily over Janine’s shoulder.

“Oh, that’s low?” You ask incredulously. “Low like smashing someone’s headlights out?” There’s an audible gasp from Jacob in the corner, and you feel the heat of everyone’s gaze turn from you to Melissa, the whole room enthralled by your verbal tennis match. 

Melissa glances around her before pointing an accusatory finger at you. “Ya can’t prove that was me!” You thought someone would have to have been born yesterday to believe that; anyone who worked at Abbott knew that’s exactly something Melissa would do. 

“Oh yeah, because everyone else here keeps a bat taped under their desk like a neurotic asshole!” you proclaim, throwing your hands up in the air. 

“I’ll show you ya stronza- ” Melissa hisses, pushing past Janine and beginning to reach for you. Your arms come up to instinctively protect your face, but before she can reach you, a figure closer to your height blocks your vision.

“THAT IS ENOUGH!” Barbara Howard bellows. The whole room comes to a standstill, frozen in time. Even Melissa has been stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide in shock as Barbara looks accusingly between the two of you. You feel immediately ashamed. “Are you both not grown adults? I cannot believe the absolute foolishness I’ve just witnessed!” She rounds on Melissa. “Especially from you!” 

“Barb, she-” Melissa starts. 

“I don’t care if she insulted your cooking to your face, you do not behave like catty teenagers! We are professional, grown people! Acting like this in front of your peers? Disgraceful! ”

She rounds on you, her eyes narrowing. “And you. To think that I was beginning to think highly of you. You went to all that trouble to make fake football tickets, just to get back at Melissa? Have you ever heard the phrase ‘An eye for an eye’ ?” 

The pit of shame in your stomach is sickening as you slowly lower your arms, your eyes unable to meet Barbara’s. Feeling like a petulant child, you couldn’t help but mutter, “She started it.”

“And now I’m ending it!” Barbara yells. You feel her grip the sleeve of your sweater and pull. You stumble after, seeing her grasp Melissa as well. “You are both coming with me!” The rest of the lounge doesn’t move a muscle as Barbara Howard physically drags you into the hallway. 

She marches with both of you in tow, Melissa sending you the nastiest glares she can muster from the other side of her friend. Stopping in front of a classroom full of bright colors and tiny chairs, Barbara turns to both of you. “This has gotten completely out of hand! You are both going to sit in my room and we are going to work through this. I don’t care if it takes all day - you will NOT be allowed out until you can act like civilized adults!” She folds her arms and gestures her head forward. You stare back for a moment, thinking she must be joking, but the woman doesn’t budge. After a moment longer, you enter the classroom. You’re followed closely by Melissa, who stalks to the other end of the room. 

Barbara closes her door and pulls down the window blind. She turns to you both, her eyes closed and her shoulders rising in deep, even breaths. Eventually, she opens her eyes, and commands, “Take a seat.”

You glance around and only see chairs for children. You begin to protest, but the look on Barbara’s face prompts you to simply grab the nearest chair and plant yourself in it. Your knees are comically close to your chest and you don’t know where to put your hands. You settle on resting them on top of your knees. Melissa is pacing back and forth, muttering to herself - you guess she gets to ignore Barbara’s request. 

“Now,” Barbara begins. “We are going to talk out your problems so we can put this whole mess behind us. Your students deserve you at your best, and you cannot be your best when you’re at each other’s throats!” She’s stern, chastising, and you feel ridiculous. “Where did all of this animosity start? Why are you angry with Melissa?”

You can’t help but scoff because the answer should be obvious. Barbara presses her lips together in annoyance and you quickly reply, “Well, where do I begin? Aside from smashing my headlights out, she’s done nothing but disrespect me since I stepped foot in her room. She was insulting me before she even learned my name!”

“I never learned your name,” she pipes up spitefully, and you whip your head around to glare at her. 

“Memory not as good as it used to be?” you retort. A muscle in her jaw jumps out as she clenches her jaw, her face coloring once more. 

Before she has a chance to rip into you again, Barbara cuts you both off with a stern, “Knock it off!” She looks exasperatedly between the two of you before pinching the bridge of her nose. “The Lord is testing me today,” she whispers to herself, shaking her head. She turns her attention to the fiery woman across the room. “Melissa?” 

Melissa comes to a stop, planting herself and leaning her weight onto one hip. She rolls her eyes, gesticulating wildly as she speaks. “If we’re goin’ back to the start, then first things first, she strolled into my class thirty minutes late. Didn’t even have the decency to apologize.” 

“You didn’t give me a chance to!” you protest. “I hadn't even stepped into the room before you were criticizing me. It’s not like I did it on purpose, it was a complete and total accident. And then you started insulting how young and inexperienced I look.” 

“I was just givin’ you a hard time, that’s all,” she says indignantly. “How was I suppose ta know you can’t take a joke?”

Your head whips toward her. “And smashing my headlights? Was that a joke?” you retort incredulously. 

Her eyes narrow and her tone is venomous as she hisses, “Nah, that was for throwin’ away my school supplies, stealin’ lunches, and callin’ me a bitch.” 

You hear Barbara’s sharp inhale and jump to defend yourself. “Those supplies were all broken or unusable! You have so much on your hands with two classes and I was just trying to help you. Also, Janine gave me that lasagna because I forgot my lunch, I didn’t steal anything. You wouldn’t give me a chance to explain myself before jumping down my throat. Not to mention calling me degrading names in Italian!” 

Barbara raises an eyebrow and gives Melissa a knowing glance. “Melissa uses gabbortz quite often, it’s nothing to get offended over,” she says, an attempt to reassure you.

Melissa’s eyes dart to Barbara’s as she huffs, “Uh, it’s gabbadost , Barb. And I mighta used somethin’ more… vulgar.” To your disbelief, the red head practically looks sheepish at this admission. Her arms cross in front of her as she shifts her weight, and your eyes are drawn to how the motion causes her cleavage to swell ever so slightly. Feeling heat flood your cheeks, you dart your eyes all over the room, attempting to find something else to fix them on. Luckily, neither woman seems to notice. Barbara’s eyebrows are furrowed in an inquisitive way that suggests she’s waiting for the shorter woman to elaborate. Melissa lets out a puff of air. “I mighta used the ‘P’ word, a’right?” 

Barbara’s eyes widen as her mouth drops open in a gasp. “The ‘P’ word? Melissa Schemmenti, you don’t mean-”

“Yeah, yeah, the one I save exclusively for Kristin Marie. That ‘P’ word.” You don’t know who Kristin Marie is, but Barbara looks positively scandalized.

Tearing her eyes away from Melissa, Barbara stands and turns away from both of you, hands on her hips and head shaking in disapproval. As she takes her turn pacing across the room, the disappointed silence from the older woman allows the weight of the last week to settle on you, and you find yourself suddenly exhausted. You lean forward, your head in your hands and the shame rising inside of you like a tidal wave. How did you get here? 

“Well, I think you both have been sufficiently horrible to each other,” Barbara says, turning toward you. “Now explain how this has all made you feel.” 

You and Melissa groan in unison. “Come on, Barb,” Melissa starts, but Barbara holds up a single admonishing finger to silence her. The Italian woman becomes subdued immediately, and you notice how different Melissa’s reaction is to being silenced by Barbara.

“How has this made you feel?” the older woman presses, her tone of voice a warning to comply. Melissa leans against the wall, refusing to budge. You all sit in tense silence for what feels like an eternity, and you wish the floor would swallow you up. She was using the same tactics on you that you might use on two fighting eight year olds.

Eventually, you can’t handle the tension any longer and you burst out, “I feel totally disrespected!” You look to Barbara and she gestures for you to continue. “I uh… I feel belittled, and like you don’t take me seriously, but I think the worst part is I never got the chance to prove to you that I belong here… you wrote me off before you even met me. I’ve worked hard, and I love what I do, so to have you disregard me right off the bat, just because I made a mistake and I look young… it felt pretty shitty,” you admit, the confession coming out of you in one long rush. 

“Especially because… I was excited to work with you,” you add quietly. You’re suddenly enamored with the floor, unable to bring yourself to look either woman in the eye. You feel exposed and vulnerable, and you’re majorly uncomfortable with it. 

You’re forced to endure your feelings of discomfort for a few more torturous minutes. Suddenly, your eyes widen in shock as a husky voice meets your ears, and it takes a moment for your brain to process the words. 

“I guess I feel a lot of the same,” Melissa admits. You raise your gaze to meet hers, and she’s staring at you intently, the earnestness reflected in her jewel-green eyes making your heart skip a beat. “Felt like you didn’t really care when you were late. Some a’ these kids? They got plenty of adults outside of these walls that don’t really care. That’s the last thing they need here. And then ya walked in and you look so young… I couldn't resist teasin' ya. But then you got me back and I got defensive, and I shouldnt’a.” She shifts her weight, casting her eyes to the floor. “I bought all those supplies with my own money,” she admits. “So seein’ you throwin’ em away, it really rubbed me the wrong way. But… you were right. I was tryin’ to stretch em when there was no more room to stretch. And then seein’ my lasagna on your desk… I know I can be a real hot head, and I took it out on ya and it wasn’t fair.” 

As you look at Melissa, her red hair shining under the fluorescents and her evident unease at her own candor, there’s a swelling feeling in your chest and a warmth slowly spreading in your limbs. “Melissa,” you say, and her head snaps up to meet you. You search her eyes, waiting for her to snap at you for using her first name. She doesn’t. She simply waits, holding your gaze, and you can’t quite read what’s behind her eyes, but you suspect it’s something far softer than she’s shown you before. 

You allow yourself to swim in those emerald pools for just a second longer before you admit, tenderly, “I’m sorry.” You see her shoulders drop ever so slightly, tension releasing as she allows your words to sink in. “I’m sorry for what I’ve said about your age. I’m sorry for throwing your things away without asking. And I’m really sorry about the Eagles tickets. That definitely wasn’t my finest moment.” You say the last bit with a touch of humor. You pause for a moment, before adding, “I’m not going to apologize for the lasagna, though. Janine insisted on giving it to me, and it was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever tasted.” 

You see her eyes widen, her brows raising in surprise. A genuine satisfied smile graces her lips, and you can’t help but momentarily wish things had been different over the last week so you could have seen more of those. That smile made her entire demeanor change. 

“Well,” she says, eyes flashing with her own humor. She shoots you a sly grin, and you return a small smile of your own. “If I’m bein’ real with ya, I’m impressed. Fake tickets? Pretty diabolical,” she continues, admiration in her voice. Her smile fades, though, and she brings her hand up, pressing a knuckle to her lips briefly in thought. She sighs, murmuring, “I’m sorry too. I shoulda given you a chance before jumpin’ to conclusions. And, uh… I’ll pay for ya to get your headlights fixed.” She mutters that last part, and you notice that she didn’t apologize for smashing them - but you know it’s as close as she’ll come, because you’re not sure she entirely regrets it. You’ll take what you can get.

“Thank you,” you murmur, and once again you suddenly can’t look at her anymore. Luckily, Barbara draws your focus to her as she clears her throat. You both look toward the older teacher as she stares down at you, a smug, triumphant smile dancing across her full lips. 

“Now, was that so hard?” She asks, her voice teasing both of you. For the first time in days, you feel like you can breathe fully again. Melissa rolls her eyes, pulling herself away from the wall, but you detect a hint of relief radiating off of the woman as well. 

“Don’t expect us to hold hands or nothin’ Barb,” she says as she heads for the door. When she reaches it, she pauses and turns to you. She considers you for a moment, and you begin to feel warm underneath her gaze. Finally, she says, “Well, ya comin’? We got lessons to plan for the day. How do ya feel about teaching Science?” Her tone is gruff, commanding, no nonsense. The carefully curated tough exterior of Melissa Schemmenti is back in place. But you’ve seen the slightest glimpse of the human being underneath.

“Right behind you,” you reply, and a tentative grin breaks out across your face as you stand and begin to follow the short woman. You pause briefly though, a thought entering your mind, and you turn to Barabra. Your hands grasp each other behind your back as you rock forward onto the balls of your feet, and you convey your gratitude by giving the older woman the warmest smile you can muster and uttering, “Thank you, Barbara.”

She returns your smile, her own radiant and warm, and you can’t help but feel like you’ve been blessed a bit. “My pleasure, dear. Go on, I’ll see you at lunch.” You nod in agreement, and turn on your heel, following after your lead teacher. You’re not friends - seeing as your time is limited at Abbott, you don’t imagine you ever will be. But you feel lighter, and there’s a newfound respect for the short woman. And for the first time since you stepped foot inside Abbott Elementary, you feel excited for the day before you.

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A/N:

Yes, I'm sorry, Gary will be briefly mentioned/perhaps even making small appearances. Stay strong lol. Controversial opinion but I don't hate Gary. Did I think he was good enough for Melissa? HELL NO. Do I think he should have respected her wishes and listened to her when she explained her boundaries? HELL YES. But ultimately he was just a big dumb guy who was infatuated with Melissa Schemmenti, and to that, I relate. Still, I wasn't mad about that split.

Fun fact - if you've watched season 3 episode 4 already, I wrote the Ava roster line before that episode aired. I died laughing when the kids were talking to Gregory about his roster. We don't need to talk about the firefighter exchange... denial is my favorite state.

[punkshort]

Chapter warnings: language, violence, angst

A/N: this chapter might be a little slower than the rest, but I felt like it was important to establish how they are surviving. I tried to keep it spicy and interesting but please stay with me, I believe I have some great stuff coming up :)

Chapter Ten

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

October 2003

Pittsburgh, PA

It had taken you nearly a full month to make it 400 miles, having to stop frequently and rest for a couple days here and there, but you were halfway to Chicago. Your bodies were not used to the constant exercise, and it required you to rest more than you expected. Joel suspected you were both deficient in some capacity since all you had eaten was canned and processed food for a month and exerting much more energy than normal. You were holed up in a small cabin outside of Pittsburgh, about 10 miles away from reaching the city. Joel had broken into the cabin late last night, and the two of you collapsed into bed once he confirmed the place was empty. He had planned to stay here for a couple days, wanting to make sure you were both as well rested as possible.

The next morning, Joel was looking around the small basement of the cabin, his flashlight bouncing off the dirty concrete walls while you went through the clothes left in the dressers upstairs, determining which ones were suitable to swap out. With winter fast approaching, you both needed to find clothes with longer sleeves and extra layers.

His flashlight scanned over a rusted metal shelving unit in the far corner. He walked over to inspect the items, finding mostly cleaning products, insect repellant, paint, and other chemicals. At the very bottom he found a hunting trap which he picked up to examine, pleasantly surprised to find it was still functional. He took it upstairs and placed it on the small kitchen table, then went to find you in the bedroom, where he heard you opening and shutting the dresser drawers.

The queen bed was covered in clothes, women's clothes on the right and men's on the left. On the floor you had tossed three well-worn hunting jackets, and on the other side of the room was a pile of discarded clothes that looked like they were meant for warmer months.

"Makin’ some progress up here?” he asked, bending down to take a closer look at the jackets and opening the pockets to see what was left behind. He triumphantly pulled out a few batteries and a lighter, shoving them in his jeans pocket. He picked the jacket up and shook the dust off before trying it on.

"Yeah, we got some good options. I think the guy's clothes will fit you, her clothes will be a little baggy on me but that's fine, I can do layers," you said over your shoulder as you scooped up loose socks from the top drawer and tossed them on the bed, getting to work matching and rolling them up. "Did you find anything useful?"

Joel put the jacket back on the floor and picked up a second one, trying that one on before settling on the third, which was a little big on him, but the thick leather kept him well insulated. "Yeah, actually, I found a hunting trap. I'm gonna go out a little ways and see if we can catch somethin', I think we need more protein, we've been needin' to take too many breaks lately."

"You want me to come with you?" you stood up after matching up the last pair of socks.

"Nah, I won't be long, you keep workin' on this stuff here." Joel grabbed his rifle and the trap, closing the front door behind him and setting out into the woods.

The cabin was surrounded by a thick forest but there were a few trails that must have been forged by deer given how tall the grass and narrow the paths were. Joel walked carefully into the trees, staying alert for any threats. Out this far into the wilderness, infected weren't the problem. The pair of you hadn't come across any more people since that night in his apartment a month ago but he made sure you stayed off the roads as much as possible. You weren't as quiet or withdrawn anymore, but he noticed you were becoming hardened by the world you were forced to live in. He had seen the slow progression as you both learned how to take down infected as efficiently as possible. He remembered when you first had to do it: you were so scared he could see the switchblade shaking in your hand as you snuck up behind a dormant runner. As the weeks went on and you practiced more, you became more comfortable taking them down, but he also saw the hardness growing in your eyes. He knew it was just a product of your environment and it was essential in order to survive, but some nights when he was unable to sleep, he laid awake and imagined a world where he could be a shield for you, taking all damage, and you could be your warm and sweet self again, safe under his protection.

Being out in the wild without the comfort of an apartment helped quell his feelings for you a little. He was less distracted when he had to always be on high alert, forcing his thoughts off you and onto survival. But whenever you stayed in a safe spot for a few days, like this cabin, he eventually found his thoughts wandering back to how soft your lips were against his that night, the curve of your hips in your dress, or the way you moaned into his mouth. The forced proximity and the illusion of safety usually meant his body ended up finding yours in the middle of the night and pulled you close to him. You never mentioned it, and neither did he, but he knew it was a byproduct of trying to stamp out his feelings for you. It was almost like his mind was saying one thing, but his body was refusing to obey. So, whenever he woke and found himself tangled in you once again, he didn’t allow himself to savor the moment and quickly removed himself from you before his heart swelled and he would be lost in you all over again.

It was about a ten minute walk from the cabin before Joel found a good spot to place the trap. It was near a big bush that looked to be home to some kind of animal based on the prints in the dirt. He took a pink scarf out of his pocket and ripped a piece off, tying it to the tree branch above the trap. As he followed his footsteps back, every minute or so he tore another piece off and tied it to a branch until he reached the cabin. He pushed the door open and set the rifle down by the door. He heard you singing softly to yourself in the bedroom, completely unaware he had entered the cabin. The first instinct he had was to chastise you for not being more aware of your surroundings, but the part of him that was desperate to protect you ultimately won, and instead he stood in the kitchen to listen.

You left the bedroom with an armful of rags you had made from the summer clothes in the corner, lyrics softly leaving your lips when you saw Joel standing there and yelped out of fright.

“Jesus, Joel, you scared the shit out of me!” you exclaimed before taking your pile of rags to the couch and setting them down. “How long were you standing there?”

“Just walked in a minute ago,” he replied, giving you a small smirk. “Found a good spot for the trap, I’ll check it before sundown. Maybe we’ll get lucky.” He shrugged the hunting jacket off and draped it over a chair.

You nodded and headed over to the cupboard to see what the previous residents left behind.

“Are you hungry? We have some soup here, and some canned stew. What do you want?” You turned to face him with your hand on your hip, but his gaze seemed unfocused and his thoughts far away at your question. Moments like this felt so domestic and it made him ache. What did he want? He wanted everything you had to offer. He wanted to turn back time and take back what he said to you, before he ruined everything. He wanted domestic bliss where you made him dinner and he had you for dessert. He didn’t want to be fighting for your lives while you ate expired Dinty Moore.

His gaze refocused on you and replied, “I’ll take the soup.” He reached into his jeans pocket and found the lighter from earlier and got to work setting up a small fire outside while you rummaged around for pots to heat up the canned delicacies that awaited you.

Joel had just left to check the trap before it got too dark, and you were left scrubbing the pots in the sink until your fingers felt raw. You dreaded any time he left. You hated being away from him, and not because you were scared, it was something more. You figured it out when one morning about a week ago you woke up wrapped in his arms again, for maybe the third time, but that morning was when you realized you only truly slept well when he sought you out in the middle of the night to pull you close and breathe you in. You were always disappointed when he woke up and pulled away from you so fast, leaving you feeling ashamed for being the only one who wanted it to continue. You had to constantly remind yourself it meant nothing, that Joel only had wanted one thing from you by replaying how mad he got for not sleeping with him that night. He never apologized for it, and you know you shouldn’t care anymore, but sometimes when you let your thoughts wander, it bothered you.

You put the pots back in the cupboard and raked your fingers through your hair aggressively, looking out the window to see if you could spot him. You hadn’t had any moments between you like that day in the subway when you saw the heat behind his gaze as you ran your hand up his arm. You convinced yourself afterwards that you had misread the situation, that the look in his eyes was not one of passion, but one of disapproval, and the embarrassment for the way you behaved sat with you for the next week. Eventually, the embarrassment faded when your focus was redirected to surviving in the wild and learning how to take down infected. You were both becoming pretty good at it, so long as you had the upper hand and noticed them first. Only twice did Joel have to use a gun to take one down, so your ammo reserve was still well stocked. But there was something feral that triggered inside you when you watched him kill: the little curl his upper lip made when he made contact, the fire in his eyes when the adrenaline kicked in, the way the muscles in his arms moved from the force of piercing a knife through their skulls. There had to be something wrong with you, nobody should find something like that attractive.

You heard his boots walking up the small porch, but you put your hand on your gun, just in case you were wrong. He opened the door, smiling proudly and holding up a dead rabbit to show you, and set the rifle back down in the corner by the door.

“I’ll go skin it, get it prepped for later. We can finally have a real meal for dinner.” Joel said, still holding the rabbit in his hand. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his smile faltering a bit when he noticed your expression seemed a little distant. You shook your head and smiled.

“Nothing, I’m fine, just distracted today,” you assured him, then turned around to find a small bag of rice you had seen next to the soup earlier. “I’ll make this to eat with dinner.” You plopped it down on the counter and went back to the bedroom to review the clothes you had set aside. Joel’s eyes followed you until you disappeared around the corner. He could tell something was wrong, but he knew better than to push it.

Joel was right about needing more protein and rest. You both felt recharged after just two nights but allowed yourselves the luxury of one more night indoors before heading off towards Pittsburgh. The morning you planned to leave was when Joel had let his guard down and you awoke entwined with him again. It was early, the sun hadn’t even risen yet. You knew the longer you let him do this, the more hurt you would ultimately inflict upon yourself, but as hard as you tried you just could not bring yourself to be the one to end the embrace. So, you squeezed your eyes shut and willed yourself back to sleep.

Joel stirred when the sun shone into his eyes through the thin curtains, squinting and yawning. As usual, he detached himself from you quickly, frustrated with his subconscious once again. After using the bathroom, he went outside to start a fire. The air was crisp and there was a sharp autumn wind that took his breath away. He huddled in his new jacket and shifted from foot to foot as he waited for the fire to flare up. He looked up into the sky, trying to detect if any rain would be heading your way, but the forest blocked most of his view. He heard the cabin door swing shut and twisted around to watch you walk down the steps wrapped in one of the other hunting jackets and carrying a kettle in one hand and the jar of instant coffee in another. He reached out to take the items from you so you could go back inside and grab two mugs and a spoon. He sat down on one of the thick logs used for stools that were surrounding the firepit and waited for the water to boil. You came back out with the mugs but also had a couple bowls and packets of instant oatmeal.

“’Morning,” you greeted groggily, setting the items down on one of the empty logs and choosing a spot next to him. You yawned, looking around the forest and buried your face in your coat when the wind picked up.

“Sleep ok?” Joel asked you, knowing full well he was setting you up to ask about the way he woke up clutching you, but much to his relief, it seemed as though that topic was never brought up.

You nodded, saying, “Yeah, better than usual.” And left it at that.

Neither of you were morning people and generally didn’t speak much until coffee hit your system. You had been lucky so far and found reserves of it at most of the places you stopped, but you had to dip into the stash from your apartment when you made camp in the forest. You sipped your coffee and ate your oatmeal in silence.

“Next time we find a sporting goods store, we oughta look for a bow and arrow, somethin’ silent,” Joel mused as he scraped his bowl. “We should learn to hunt out here. With winter comin’, it would be a good skill to have.”

You agreed, grabbing both bowls and the kettle while he picked up the mugs and snuffed out the fire. It was probably pointless, but you cleaned your dishes and put them back. It was unlikely the owners of this cabin would find it again, but it just felt wrong to leave things messy. This cabin provided for you both when you needed it and keeping it clean and in its original condition felt like the best way to thank it.

After breakfast, you packed up all your new clothes and replenished any food and rags you could fit in your packs and headed back out on the trail towards Pittsburgh. The forest was thick and lush, and offered a lot of cover, so you were able to make decent time getting to the city, arriving in the early afternoon. You approached a cliffside, stopping there to eat lunch and rest for the first time since you left the cabin. Joel didn’t want to start a fire and attract attention, so you ate some granola bars, peanuts and shared a can of peaches while you surveyed the city in the distance.

“So, what’s the plan?” you asked him, taking a sip from your canteen.

“Well,” he began, shoving the wrappers from the granola bars into his backpack, “I figure we should steer clear of the city proper best we can, especially the QZ. They won’t ask questions; they’ll just shoot on sight if they see anyone.”

You looked up at the sun in the sky, trying to determine the time. “We will have to find somewhere in the city that’s quiet, we won’t make it through before sundown.” You told him, looking back from the sky to meet his gaze. He nodded, impressed.

“Yep, you’re exactly right. Good girl.” he said, the compliment making you flush. “If we stick to the outskirts, maybe we can find a small shop or somethin’. But we’re gonna have to take turns takin’ watch, I don’t trust bein’ this close to soldiers.” he warned you, and you nodded in understanding. After you had spent a few minutes resting, Joel stood up, checking his revolver and tucking it back into his pants and zipping his backpack closed. You followed suit, shoving a rag back into your pack that you used to wipe some sweat off your forehead, and you both soldiered on towards the city.

It was approaching dusk as you and Joel finished clearing out a gas station in a quiet part of the city. There were only three runners inside, and you made quick work of taking them down silently. You helped Joel drag the last body into the men's bathroom, closing the door behind you. Joel wasn't thrilled with the building: it was filled with huge broken windows and left you too exposed for his liking, but the sun was waning, and your choices were limited. There was a small office tucked in the corner that you had emptied of the rolling desk chair and a few boxes of receipts so you could spread out your sleeping bag on the floor. Joel insisted on taking first watch, and you propped the door to the office open with one of the boxes so you could hear if there was any trouble before tucking yourself in.

Joel sat on the rolling chair by the front door, hiding in the darkness behind an aisle, every so often standing in a crouch to glance out the large windows for any movement. He was getting tired, but he still had a couple more hours left on his watch before he woke you. In an effort to keep him awake, he wandered over to the small electronics section behind the cash register, perusing the items on the shelves. His gaze settled on a Timex analog watch. He pried open the package and attached it to his wrist, adjusting the time to match the clock on the wall, assuming it was correct before sitting back down in the chair.

You had about 20 minutes left before he planned to wake you up. Joel was just finishing some beef jerky when he saw flashlights bouncing off a building about a block away. He straightened up in his chair, tossing the bag of jerky to the side, and hoisted the rifle onto his shoulder so he could see through his scope. He watched behind the aisle as a group of four men walked down the street in the direction of the gas station. He could see they were armed, noting knives in their boots, pistols holstered at their hips and two of them held military grade assault rifles. As they came into view, Joel scanned their clothes for any type of military insignia but found none. How did they get those assault rifles?

They were getting closer, but Joel still couldn’t tell if they were planning on entering the gas station or if they were just passing through. His hands began to sweat as he gripped his rifle tighter, his body tense and ready to strike. They were about 50 yards away when one of the men laughed at something one of the others said. The rest immediately shushed him, but it was too late. They froze as an unfamiliar noise echoed through the air from a dumpster they had passed half a block ago. Joel frowned, unable to identify the noise, but based on the reactions of the men, they knew. They whipped around, their backs now to the gas station, all four aiming their guns in the direction of the noise. It sounded like a high-pitched screech mixed with a gasp, then a distinct click, click, click. He heard one of the men swear under his breath, his voice sounding shaky as he shifted his weight back and forth nervously. The one next to him tried to get him to be quiet, but his nerves got the best of him, and a shot rang out, making Joel jump in surprise. In his peripheral, he saw you fly out of your sleeping bag, scrambling for your gun. He crouched as low as he could without sacrificing speed, and made his way over to the office, wrapping his hand over your mouth as you twisted around about to shout out to him. He put a finger against his lips, and only when you hastily nodded did he slowly remove his hand, turning back around to hide behind the front counter with you peeking over his shoulder, watching the scene unfold.

Two infected came ambling towards the group. At first, they stumbled and were slow, but when one of them shifted his weight and slid on some loose asphalt, they both let out a horrific scream unlike anything you had heard before and charged towards the group. Neither of you could understand the creatures you were seeing: they had a fungus growing all over their bodies but primarily on their heads, a mouth was the only facial feature you recognized since the fungus had completely grown over the rest of their faces. Blood had stained their throats and chests, their clothes were ripped and barely hung on, and underneath their skin looked wrinkly, but upon closer inspection, it appeared to be more layers of fungus.

The assault rifles were spitting bullets and bouncing off the clickers, as if the fungus acted like some type of armor. One of the clickers jumped on the man who had slipped, viciously ripping into his throat while its fingers dug animalistically into his chest and blood pooled in the street below him. Another man saw his opportunity and pressed his pistol to the back of the clicker’s head, firing and watching its body drop to the pavement. Then without hesitation, he aimed his gun at his friend’s head and fired, his body jerked once and stilled. In the meantime, the second clicker had made short work of the other two men, one already ripped apart on the ground while it continued its assault on the other. The man did the same thing: walked up and shot the clicker in the back of the head, and for good measure shot the other two men on the ground. He was now the last man standing, panting for breath as he bent over to rest his hands on his knees. That was when he noticed the blood seeping through his jeans and trickling down to his sneakers.

“Fuck,” he whispered to himself, sitting down in the road to lift the pant leg. Joel could see the telltale imprint of teeth and blood when the man aimed his flashlight at his leg. He dropped the pant leg back down and hung his head between his knees. Joel tightened his grip on his rifle, expecting the man to come to the gas station in need of first aid, but before he could blink, the man lifted his pistol up to the side of his head and fired, dropping lifelessly to the side and joining the pile of dead bodies in the road.

Joel twisted around to try to shield your eyes, but it was too late. You let out a shaky breath, one tear sliding down your cheek as you looked up at him, his face full of concern. His eyes traveled down and reached his hand out to cup your face, his thumb gently wiping the tear away. Your eyes fluttered closed, and you had to resist the urge to lean into his touch.

"You alright?" he whispered to you in the dark. You nodded, breaking the contact and standing up.

The whole attack took less than five minutes. Joel approached the broken window and leaned out, listening intently to see if the noise had attracted any more infected or people. You waited as Joel went to each window multiple times to confirm nothing else was around. Satisfied, he turned back to you, your eyes wide and still gripping your gun at your side.

"I don't think anyone else is around," he said, placing the rifle next to the office chair. You nodded, tucking your gun in the back of your jeans.

"What the fuck was that?" you asked, staring at the bodies. "So these things are evolving now?"

"Seems that way," Joel answered, leaning tiredly up against the wall. He fought to keep his eyes open, but you could see he was exhausted.

"Go get some rest, I got this," you told him, "I'll wake you if I hear or see anything at all, I promise."

Joel wanted to resist and tell you he wasn't tired, but a yawn pushed through and gave him away. "You sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead. You need your rest, and we have to get out of this city tomorrow." You waved him off towards the office and went to sit in the chair after you grabbed his rifle, using the scope to get a better look at your surroundings.

Joel didn't bother rolling out his own sleeping bag, he just tucked himself into the one you were using, your scent enveloping him as he drifted off.

The sun rose about an hour ago. You waited as long as you could before deciding to wake Joel. He seemed so tired last night, you wanted him to get as much time as he could, but you knew you needed to leave. Once you got back into the forest, you could rest again. You went to the back office, carrying a to-go container of dry cereal in one hand, and found him snoring on his side with his back to the door. You popped a few pieces of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in your mouth and leaned down to gently shake his shoulder.

Joel whipped around at your touch and grabbed your wrist firmly, his eyes wild. You dropped your cereal in surprise.

"Joel! It's me," you yanked your arm, but he still held your wrist in his grasp and it was starting to hurt. "Joel!" you said again as loud as you dared. He finally realized and let you go, stumbling back a bit as you rubbed your wrist.

"Shit, sorry, must have been havin' a bad dream, you alright?" he asked worriedly, opening the sleeping bag and reaching forward to examine your wrist. He brushed his thumb tenderly over the red mark he left, the gesture making you melt and leaving you with a pang in your stomach.

"I'm fine, it's ok," you said, taking your wrist back and turning away from him, trying to create some space. "We should get going, eat something quick and I'll refill our packs with any supplies I can find."

"You sure you're ok?" he eyed you carefully. He hated how you shied away from his touch. You nodded, opening up another cereal from the shelf and continued to eat while you inventoried the food in your packs.

You shouldered your backpacks and guns after you ate, getting ready to head out. After stepping out onto the road, Joel frisked the dead bodies and picked up some more ammo for your handgun, along with two extra flashlights. He checked the assault rifles, too low on ammo for him to consider taking one, but he did remove two of the knives and sheathes strapped around their ankles, handing a set to you. The roads seemed quiet, so you took advantage and got a move on, silently threading your way through the city.

November 2003

Cleveland, OH

The weather was turning cold and rainy, even a couple nights leaving a dusting of snow that melted early the next morning. You trudged along behind Joel in the pouring rain, trying to stay hidden and dry by walking underneath a raised highway. It was risky, being close to the roads, but Joel didn't see much choice. The weather hasn't been cooperating for a couple days now, and your journey had significantly slowed down. He glanced at his watch, seeing it was around 4pm. It was getting darker earlier now, and the storm clouds just made it worse. He sighed, shaking the water droplets from his curls, and looked around. You were near an exit ramp. He saw it led to a suburban area maybe two miles away, clusters of smaller one story homes that the builders made as close as possible to one another in order to sell more houses.

"C'mon, this way," he said over his shoulder, bringing you out of your reverie. You looked in the direction he was leading you and quietly celebrated to yourself. You were tired and soaked, you didn't want to set up camp outside again and the possibility of sleeping on a mattress gave you a second wind.

The two of you hid in some thick decorative bushes looking down a road called York St. All the houses looked very similar and close together, the biggest differences being the color the owners had chosen for the siding. Joel had kept watch for about an hour in this position, waiting until it got dark so he could see if any of the houses had flashlights or lanterns inside. You were squatting next to him, trying to control your shivering but the rain was pouring down hard, and your clothes were dripping wet, even under your jacket. Your teeth chattered as you inadvertently leaned against him for some warmth. Focused intensely on the homes in front of him, Joel's body tensed at the unexpected contact. He glanced down at you and saw your soaking wet hair and your lips a darker shade than normal.

“Alright, let’s see if we can get into this one right over here, follow me.” he said, helping you stand into a crouch as you jogged over to the yellow house on the corner. Joel peered inside the windows for a minute while you stood watch with your arms crossed, keeping an eye out for any light or movement on the street or houses. You heard a snap behind you, and you turned to see Joel had used his large hunting knife to break the doorknob. You sighed with relief as you followed him inside, shutting the door behind you.

You swung your flashlights around the room, Joel rushing to the windows and closing all the curtains as you inspected the house. It was small: a living room, kitchen, one bathroom and two bedrooms. Joel went down into the basement to make sure it was clear while you emptied essentials from your pack in one of the bedrooms. You pulled out a somewhat dry set of clothes and tucked them under your arm, heading towards the bathroom. You took your jacket off to hang up on the shower rod to airdry and got to work peeling the soaking wet clothes from your body. You figured you could just toss the shirts you were wearing and pick up new ones here, but you really liked the jeans you had so you did your best to lay them out to dry in the tub.

After you put some dry clothes on, you started to feel a little better, but you still couldn’t shake the shiver in your bones. Joel mirrored your actions after he came up from the basement, changing into fresh clothes and hanging up the wet ones to dry, making sure to take the keychain out of his pants pocket and transferred it to his new ones, and then met you in the kitchen where you were rifling through the cupboards to see if there was anything worth eating. You pulled out a bag of trail mix, some canned tuna, and a few cans of mixed fruit, setting them on the small table while Joel rooted around for some forks.

You were hungrier than you realized and ate quickly, all the miles you walked today catching up with you.  Joel finally broke the silence after he finished a can of fruit.

“Which room did you want to sleep in?” he asked. This was the first time you stayed indoors where there were two sizeable beds. He wanted to give you the option, give you your space. You kept your gaze trained down at the bag of trail mix in front of you, considering his words. You knew he was giving you a choice, and it was completely up to you now on what the sleeping arrangements would be.

“I liked the room I put our backpacks in, why don’t we stay in that one.” you replied, still not looking up. We. Joel’s pulse sped up and he tried to hide his grin. You made the choice to stay the night with him, you wanted to be with him. It was probably just a habit for you, or maybe you were afraid to be on your own, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to be apart from you, either, regardless if his reason differed from yours. 

That night, he heard you softly snoring, laying on your side with your back to him like usual. This time he deliberately turned over and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to him. He breathed in your scent and nestled his face at the back of your neck as you let out a contented sigh, and small smile played across his lips as he closed his eyes.

Chapter Eleven

Taglist: @chiogarza.

[surftrips]

bad habit

pairing: rafe cameron x female reader

summary: y/n finds out rafe cameron had a crush on her. is it too late for them to pursue their feelings?

word count: 1153

a/n: i had so much fun writing this! inspired by one of my fav songs, "bad habit" by steve lacy. hope you enjoy <3

It was summer break. You, along with the Pogues and various other company from the island (Rafe and his friends) had decided to take a trip to a nice resort for the week.

At the end of another long day spent lounging on the beach, the group was gathered around a fire on the hotel rooftop, debriefing the day's events.

"Oh my god, did you see Sam and Jenna? They were totally flirting with each other!" Sarah brought up.

"Okay, I am SO glad you brought that up. I thought I was the only one that noticed," Cleo said.

"Wait, they're not already dating?" JJ asked.

"Babe— they're dating other people," Kie told him.

"W-what? That makes no sense-" A wave of realization hit JJ. "Oh... ohhhhh..."

The group laughed.

"But isn't that crazy? That you thought they were already dating but they're both in separate relationships already?" Pope said.

"Right?" you responded. "I mean, how hard is it to lay off when you find out someone's already taken?"

"No yeah, when I heard Y/N had a boyfriend, I backed off," Rafe said.

You nearly choked on your drink, but tried to compose yourself. Did you just hear him correctly?

"Wait, what?" you asked, turning toward him.

"Well, uhhh, how do I put this?" He took another sip of his drink, for liquid courage you presumed. "When I first met you, I kinda had a crush on you but you were dating that guy at the time so I never said anything."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah... but it didn't matter anyway. You made it very clear you didn't like me."

That's not true. You almost blurted out.

Instead, you tried to change the conversation back to Sam and Jenna, willing everyone else in the group to follow you.

"Yeah, I saw him check her into his hotel room, wonder what that's about," you said, trying your best to look unfazed by Rafe's confession.

"Oh, I think we know...." Topper was saying, but you were already zoning out.

—

As the night came to a close, people began heading back up to their rooms.

You picked up a few cans on the ground and made your way to the elevators.

"Hey, Y/N. Wait up," Rafe sped up to catch up with you. "Can I walk you back to your room?"

You couldn't talk to him, not right now. You needed at least 24 hours to process what he had just told you. It may not have been a big deal to him, but it was to you.

"Oh, you know I'm really tired so I was just gonna go to sleep," you said.

"That's alright, I just wanted to talk to you on the way down. If that's okay with you."

God, you were never able to say no to him.

"Yeah, sure," you gave in.

At the elevator doors, you clicked the down arrow. It seemed as though they were taking longer than usual to come.

Rafe looked down at his watch, "It's nearly 1 am, they can't be busy on other floors."

"Guess we're stuck here," you tried to relieve some of the tension in the air.

Luckily, at that moment a door opened up and the two of you stepped inside.

"Thank god it came, it was getting cold up there," Rafe commented.

You knew he was just trying to fill the awkward silence, but you'd rather he get straight to the point.

When the doors opened on your floor and you stepped out, you asked him, "So, what is it you wanted to talk about?"

He seemed taken aback at your straightforwardness for a second, but quickly answered, "About the thing I said about liking you."

"What about it?"

"Well, you didn't really seem to react to it at all. In fact, you kinda just went back to the conversation, I didn't know if you actually cared."

You often hid your emotions around people, but especially around those that threatened to tear down your walls. Someone like Rafe.

It was no surprise to you that he couldn't read your feelings for him all those years ago, nor earlier that night when you were silently panicking.

This was just something you did to protect yourself from getting hurt. If you revealed your true emotions, it was a sign of weakness, a way for someone to come in and take advantage of you.

You sighed, "Look, Rafe. Of course, I cared. I was just shocked, that's all."

"Shocked? I thought I made it pretty obvious I liked you," he responded.

You were outside your hotel room at this point, deciding whether or not to go in.

"Obvious? Rafe, I thought you were just teasing me or something. I didn't believe you could like me."

He seemed genuinely hurt by this. "How could I not?"

The air flew out of your lungs and you swore you stopped breathing for a minute.

He continued, "Y/N, when I met you, you were so incredibly kind and sweet. I wasn't used to that, I guess. Everyone on the island has this preconceived notion of the kind of guy I am, but no one ever really takes the time to get to know me. I feel like you did."

You couldn't help but smile, "I wanted to see for myself what all the fuss was about."

"Stop," he chuckled. "And what was your verdict?"

"I thought you were too good for me."

"You seriously don't believe that."

"I seriously do. I met you and I swear I've never felt that way about anyway before in my life." You tried to find the right words to articulate your thoughts, "It scared me."

"So that's why you acted like you hated me?"

You laughed lightly, "To be fair, that's just how I flirt with people. Sorry you didn't get the memo."

"Wait- but what about that guy you started dating?"

"Now, I thought this was obvious. I only started dating him because I thought you didn't like me."

It looked like Rafe was joining you in having revelations tonight. The miscommunications were enough to make him dizzy.

"Are you serious?" He couldn't help but laugh. "You didn't even give me the time of day, how was I supposed to know you liked me?"

You shrugged, "I wish I knew you wanted me."

"Would that have made a difference?"

"Yeah, honestly. I have a bad habit of biting my tongue and staying silent on these things but if I knew I'd be with you..."

He was closer to you now. "Well, would you mind if I made a pass on you now?"

"Now that you know?" he added.

You turned around, scanning your keycard to open the door to your room.

"Funny you would come back to me like this," you tugged on the collar of Rafe's shirt, pulling him into your room. "Wanna come find out, Cameron?"

[fabuloustrash05]

My Review of Mutant Mayhem

Warning: SPOILERS

The animation was AMAZING!! From the colors to the facial expressions to the fight choreography, it all looks so good!

It took me a while for me to get used to the Turtles designs and voices but after finally seeing the movie and watching them talk and move, I can say now that I do love them, though I'm still not crazy about Raph's design…

If you know me then you know I'm not too big of a fan of the idea of Splinter not being a human at all, but for this movie it makes sense as to why he was always a rat and never human. Him being a rat from the start and hating humans ties in with the movies message about being accepted and even has a little connection/parallel with the main villain Superfly. I am still kind of upset that Splinter has no connection to Hamato Yoshi (that we know of rn).

Another reason why I don’t like the idea of Splinter never being a human or Hamato Yoshi is because I feel like it takes away the ninja aspect of their story, but the way they explain why they’ve ninjas was actually hilarious. Splinter and the boys learned how to be ninjas through YouTube tutorials, which makes so much sense for this day and age with how many people claim they are experts at something simply because they read or watch something online. 

Leo was my favorite turtle in this movie, I loved his personality/character and how serious but dorky he was. He’s trying so hard, I love his hopeless romantic side, and how he wants to listen to his dad but also have fun with his brothers, so he’s stuck in a tug or war with himself. He was precious and I love him.

Leo having a crush on April actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. His crush on her was genuinely sweet and it wasn't shoved down our throats like in other versions *cough* 2012 & Bayverse *cough* I like that he asks her to prom, which I thought was very cute and a nice ending for Leo.

I'm surprised how quickly they killed off Baxter Stockman, but his "son" Superfly was a really cool villain to take his place. Ice Cube did an amazing job! But I’m not full convinced Stockman is dead. There’s no evidence that he’s still alive but knows. Maybe they’ll pull an 03 Stockman and make come back as a robot in the sequel.

The other mutants were also really fun, but I wish they had more screen time. And truth I felt like they added too many Mutants and I felt like a few of them could've been removed from the film but overall they were a fun cast!

Mondo Gecko and Mikey instantly becoming besties was nice. And I loved Bebop and Rocksteady's Bromance.

Mikey twerking was NOT needed in this film.

I like how the "milking" joke actually came full circle when the turtles were kidnapped by Cynthia.

Splinter vs the TCRI soldiers was my second favorite part of the movie, The animation was so well done in the choreography of the fight was amazing and had great detail.

My overall favorite part was the sequence of the Turtles confronting each one of Superfly’s leads. How the scene would sync up and cut back-and-forth to each brother fighting different gang members. The music during the scene was so well done and the animation with how it tied in with each brother was peak cinema. 

April’s little arc of getting over being camera shy was cool and actually helped save the Turtles and NYC. But the April puking joke went on for too long. The fact they showed it longer than I excepted felt wrong.

I’m happy that Splinter got a girlfriend by the end but please don’t ever show us him making out with Scumbug ever again. *flashbacks to 2012 Raph making out with an ant*

My favorite joke was when the Turtles were like “Eventually Superfly will run out of cars to throw at us, right??” *Superfly turns to see he’s right new to a parking garage* LMFAO XD

There was a lot of modern day references and slang in this movie and a lot of people say this movie is gonna be outdated in 5-10 years but I feel that’s gonna be part of the movies charm. We’ll have to see in 5-10 years…

Superfly’s mutant army (Mondo Gecko, Bebop, Rocksteady, Leatherhead etc) got redeemed way too quick. All it took was one heartfelt speech and suddenly they weren’t down to kill all humans. Like they seemed really excited about it during the bowling scene?? Gave me Shrek 3 vibes. I was confident that Mondo Gecko was gonna change but all of them was unexpected but I’m happy regardless by the end that the Turtles have a bigger family.

I loved the sequence of the people of New York helping the Turtles and their mutant friends stop Superfly. I feel we’ve never seen that done before and in truth, New Yorkers ramming their cars into a giant kaiju Superfly IS something New Yorkers would do! XD

The ending I did not expect, the Turtles actually being excepted by all of New York, and actually getting to go to high school. This was so new and fresh, and I absolutely loved it and I can't wait to see more of it in the TV show and the sequel.

Also there’s a mid credit scene.

It starts off very cute with the Turtles doing high school shenanigans: Mikey in joining improv, Donnie with his “people” (lol), Raph joining the wrestling team, Leo and April starting a conspiracy vlog, and finally them at prom, but then it cuts to Cynthia, who it’s revealed she is secretly watching them. She talks to her second in command about wanting to catch the Turtles and get revenge. She then basically says that she “knows a guy” that can help and it cuts to a shot of someone outside the city….

SHREDDER IS COMING

But sadly no Casey…

[shion-yu]

Cabin Pressure

My entry for the spot "New Things" for @hurtcomfort-bingo. 5,366 words, one part, no TWs. Introducing OCs Ryo (toyhouse) and Alex, Shu's adult son. Ft. sick Ryo while away on a work conference with a rival and air travel.

Even though good grades had never been his forte, Ryo had gotten through veterinary school with flying colors. He had an innocent charm that made people gravitate towards him and he'd quickly become the favorite of all his professors. They loved his cheerful energy, his genuine enthusiasm and his kind heart, so he had a job the day he graduated. His classmate, Nathan - valedictorian and class grump - started at the same clinic with him. Ryo was happy to know a face at work already; Nathan was fed up with Ryo before they even began their new jobs.

Their relationship was a love-hate one, although who did the loving and who did the hating was unbalanced. They were the definite Ying and Yang of the clinic, but it surprisingly worked despite their bickering. The two worked skillfully together, each one's strengths making up for the other's weaknesses.

Because they had been in the same class it was assumed they were friendly and work decided it'd be a great idea to send their two new veterinarians to a conference together - with plane tickets next to each other both ways and a hotel room they'd have to share. Neither new DVM had ever been to a conference and they were both very excited - but not necessarily about going together. Nathan, at least, made no attempts to hide his distaste about having to share this experience with Ryo. He didn't want to cause drama at his new job though, so he didn't complain, at least not directly.

On the morning of their departure, Nathan's mother drove him to the airport and bid her goodbyes. As he stood in line for security, Nathan spotted Ryo from afar clearly having an impassioned parting with his boyfriend. Nathan couldn't remember the boyfriend’s name, but he'd seen the blonde guy a few times at various events before and knew he rarely smiled. He seemed very different from Ryo, but opposites attracted. Not him and Ryo though; they were too opposite. Nathan was sure they'd never really be friends.

Ryo took no notice of his audience and after kissing Alex yet again and making him promise he'd take care of himself - "I left healthy meals in the fridge for you, so they better be gone by the time I'm home!" - he waved a final goodbye and got in line for security. Nathan attempted to blend in with the crowd as inconspicuosly as possible, but his bothersome and startlingly white-haired colleague was impossible to avoid once they boarded the plane. Nathan grit his teeth and replied stiffly to Ryo's all-too-cheerful greeting. The conference was only three days long, but because it was out of state they'd be gone for four nights. Nathan wasn’t sure if he was going to survive being paired with Ryo that long without letting him have a piece of his mind, but he bit his tongue for now.

His resolve didn't last long. While the flight was uneventful and so was finding their hotel room, Nathan couldn't hold back any longer when Ryo video chatted his boyfriend and became completely insufferable, oozing affection and sappiness that made Nathan want to puke. It was all "baby" this and "love" that, punctuated by frequent giggles and kisses.

"Jesus, get a room! A different room!" Nathan burst out shamelessly, looking pissed as all get out. He'd lasted longer than he'd expected actually, about twenty minutes into the sickly sweet conversation.

Ryo looked up from his call, surprised at first and then giving Nathan an annoyingly smirk. "Don't tell me you're stuck in the 50s, Nathan," he said.

Nathan huffed. "Not at all. Seriously. You're just annoying as hell."

Ryo glanced back at the call where Alex, who knew only vaguely of Nathan's distaste for his boyfriend, had a confused and concerned look on his face. "Don't worry," Ryo smiled. "He's probably just tired." He ignored the tidbit next to him of 'Yeah, of your yapping.' "I'll call you tomorrow baby. I love you so much, like super much. I wish you were next to me. Okay, bye." He winked and with a quick little air kiss, ended the call.

"You sound like a hung up little girl," Nathan muttered. "Still in your honeymoon phase?"

Ryo chuckled. He didn't take it personally and he was in a good mood from checking on Alex. "No. We've been dating for like... Nine years?" Nathan looked surprised at this answer, which only amused Ryo further. The truth was, he knew why Nathan disliked him and in a slightly mischievous way thought it was funny to poke the beast.

"Well, you could at least go in the hallway if you're gonna talk that long every night," Nathan huffed and turned over. "I'm going to sleep."

"Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite," Ryo chimed.

"That's not even funny," Nathan muttered. He heard Ryo laugh before the lights were turned off. It was going to be a long five days, he thought before he fell asleep.

The first day of the conference went by smoothly. Both Ryo and Nathan really enjoyed themselves, Nathan making an active effort to sit as far away as possible from his former classmate so he didn't have to hear that painfully cheerful laugh any more than he had to. Ryo texted his boyfriend a few times throughout the day just to let him know when he was on a break or lunch, but for the most part he was unavailable by phone until after they'd finished dinner and he was back in their hotel room.

They were both pretty tired at the end of the day, despite how well it went. So Ryo didn't go into the hall because he knew it was be short - he just called Alex on video call and smiled when his boyfriend picked up. At least he used earbuds this time, though. "Hi, my sweet boyfriend." He could feel the other side of the room grow colder and stifled a laugh. "How was your day? I'm sorry I couldn't call earlier. It's really busy all day, and the other days look the same," he explained.

"I'm good. Busy, too," Alex said. Ryo nodded along and whole he didn't actually notice himself doing it, he was absently rubbing his temple to ease a small headache that spread down the side of his slightly pale face. He assumed he was just tired and that it was nothing even worth mentioning. He was far more happy to see his boyfriend's face and get visual confirmation that Alex was doing fine, anyways. Ryo hadn't expected otherwise, but he had valid reasons to worry about Alex being on his own. Sure, Shu was on the other side of town if anything happened, but still.

"The cats asked where the hell ya are," Alex said. "And since you spoil them, I had to get up with 'em at 6am, so thanks for that. Do you like your conference so far?"

"I do! I learned some really interesting things and met some cool people,” Ryo said.

"And Nathan? Is he being any nicer?"

Ryo glanced over at Nathan who was using his phone with his jaw clenched hard. "Nicer, no, but not meaner either. He's not really mean, just a grump. Apparently I'm too loud and smiley is all," Ryo finished with a flourish of a smile. Nathan seemed to be ignoring him clearly talking about him in favor of playing some game. Ryo chuckled, but then that turned into a surprising little sneeze that he didn't have time to hide from the camera. He sniffled, wiping his nose sheepishly. "Excuse me," he said to Alex.

"Bless you," Alex said. "You okay?"

"Thanks, I’m fine," Ryo said. He rubbed his watering eyes. "A bit tired." He yawned which then turned into a second sneeze, rougher than the first one. "Ugh, sorry. The air was really dry on the plane," he explained. "Anyways, I'm heading to bed." Plus if he talked for too long Nathan might kill him. "I'll call you tomorrow night. I love you," he said sweetly and then hung up. Nathan didn't make any comments. Ryo prepared for bed and then fell asleep very quickly. It was good to get some rest after such a busy day.

The second day of the conference went much like the first. Ryo was charming and friendly with everyone and made several connections, which was ultimately what this conference was about. He gave his best smile and a few people even told him they liked his hair. Ryo was used to his hair being his most memorable and defining feature. He figured it helped him stand out - in a good way (hopefully).

The only problem was, Ryo's headache from yesterday seemed not to have gone away with sleep. In fact, it actually felt like it had worsened and his right ear was aching. He rubbed it absently throughout the day, trying to get the pain to go away but to no avail. By the time the day was over, his throat had started to feel scratchy too. Thinking he really didn't want to get sick right now, Ryo decided to chalk it up to dry air and cabin pressure on the flight here. That was common, right? When they were back in the hotel he did purchase some Tylenol and emergen-c from the lobby store, which he downed with the optimistic hope that he’d feel fine tomorrow.

By the time he called Alex, Ryo was ready for bed and so chanced video calling his boyfriend from the room yet again with the expectation that things would be short. Nathan glared at him and smacked his teeth in disapproval from where he was sitting on the other bed. Ryo chuckled and greeted Alex happily when he picked up after only two rings. "Hi baby," Ryo said in a voice that was only a little scratchy, but noticeable to his boyfriend who he talked to every day. "Are you doing okay? Did you eat?"

"I'm fine. I just ate. You sound hoarse," Alex said.

"I'm assuming you ate one of the meals I made for you, not junk food, right?" Ryo asked for his own reassurance. Gosh, he thought, when did he become such a mother hen? He cleared his throat with a grimace and touched his fingertips to the tender area lightly. "My throat's a little sore but I don't think I'll lose my voice," he said optimistically. "I have too much to say!"

"Way too much," Nathan piped in loudly.

Alex frowned. "Want me to beat him up?"

"Shh, don't bother poor Nathan, he's just mad he doesn't have a boyfriend as good as you," Ryo giggled.

"What?! Am not!" That only made Ryo laugh more. Unfortunately this irritated his already sore throat and he ended up falling into a small coughing fit. It didn't sound terrible, but it also didn't sound great. He tried to hide how uncomfortable it was for him and shifted his position on the bed. His body was aching like he'd taken a long walk today, even though he hadn't.

"Maybe you should skip tomorrow. Are you okay?" Alex asked in concern.

Ryo waved one hand in the air casually when he was done coughing. He ears and head were throbbing in time with his body. "Yeah, totally," he said, but he was only partially confident by now. "It's the last day and well... Don't worry about me." He grabbed a tissue off the nightstand and blew his nose loudly. A surprisingly considerable quantity of snot came out. Not the best sign, he thought to himself grimly. "I'll call you tomorrow night. Only tonight and tomorrow and then I'll be with you," he smiled fondly. He looked seriously exhausted though. "Come pick me up, okay?" It was only words, because of course he knew Alex would pick him up.

The morning of the last day of the conference, Ryo's minor aches and pains had turned into a full blown fever overnight. He'd tossed uncomfortably and moaned fitfully in his sleep. It hadn't kept Nathan up, but he'd fallen asleep after Ryo and definately noticed it. Nathan told himself he had no business worrying about anyone else, especially his annoying coworker. However in the morning when they got up and Ryo looked dramatically rougher than yesterday, Nathan couldn't help but feel his stomach pang with pity. He wasn't a total monster after all.

Nathan cleared his throat and asked as casually as possible, "Hey, are you okay?" He hoped his voice maintained a quality of carelessness.

Ryo was slow in responding to him, which was unusual since Ryo always seemed to be able to come up with the peppiest thing to get under his skin in seconds. He was downing a handful of Tylenol when Nathan asked and swallowed before answering. Nathan noticed Ryo winced as he did so, as if it pained him. "Just a little cold," Ryo croaked, putting one thumb up in Nathan's direction. "I'm flattered you care though." Nathan rolled his eyes and decided if Ryo was well enough to still be cheeky, then he was well enough that he didn't need to be worried about.

"You better not get me sick too," Nathan huffed.

"I'll wear a mask," Ryo reassured him. The painful sounding coughs that followed convinced Nathan that it was probably too late anyways. But he told himself that Ryo didn't need someone to fuss over him and if he did, it wouldn't be Nathan of all people.

Ryo was not the focus of Nathan's thoughts for the rest of the day, given they sat separately. He did hear someone coughing and sneezing a lot across the room, but didn't quite connect it to the fact that it was Ryo until he saw his roommate at lunch looking, well, god awful. His face was flushed red and despite continuing to interact with other people, he looked completely exhausted. At least he’d bothered to put on a mask now.

Ryo didn't just look bad, he felt bad. He was still telling himself it was just a little cold, but the headache, earache and now fever seemed to be persistent despite the Tylenol he was consistently drugging himself with. It was the last day though, which was important for getting peoples' contact information and sealing connections, so he pushed himself despite getting progressively colder and achier throughout the day. He fielded off any texts from Alex asking how he was doing with some particularly cheerful emojis and forced himself not to drag his feet. By dinner - which was a big event because of it being the last night - Ryo had zero appetite and the thought of eating seemed repulsive. But he went anyways, trying to stifle his coughs and sneezes with some success and ignoring the mix of worried and annoyed glances he was getting. Afterward dinner, almost everybody was going to the hotel bar. Ryo didn't feel up to more, let alone drinking, but again it seemed important and so he forced himself to go and ordered a shot of fireball in the hopes that it'd warm him from the inside out.

He decided to call Alex before he forgot and it became too late. He sequestered himself into a quieter corner of the hall, pulling the mask down to his chin. No video though, it was too chaotic and anyways, Alex didn’t need to see how rough he looked now. Alex picked up quickly. "Hi baby,” Ryo said. “Everyone is going to the bar now, so by the time we're done I bet you'll be asleep. So I wanted to say goodnight and I can't wait to see you tomorrow!" His feeble voice left little to the imagination even without a video.

"You sound sick as hell," Alex said right away. "Go to bed."

Ryo chuckled hoarsely. It didn't sound very encouraging. "Maybe I have a little cold," he admitted before he could stop himself. It seemed fireball on a mostly empty stomach was hitting his already woozy head harder than he'd expected. He pulled the phone away from his warm cheek and muffled a sneeze that was much more painful than the ones yesterday. He resisted the urge to groan and pinched the bridge of his nose as if it would ease the pain in his head. "I'll sleep on the couch when I get home and wear a mask, so don't hug me too tight," he instructed Alex. His heart hurt a little saying those words because all he wanted was to be in his boyfriend's arms at the moment.

"Are you stupid? I'm going to take care of you,” Alex snorted, direct as always.

Ryo sighed, which made him cough for a moment. "Okay, well, still. Keep your distance," Ryo said. "I'm still happy to see you tomorrow though. Bye baby. Love you." He hung up before Alex could nag him any more.

Ryo managed to drink another beer and suffer through a few more fruitful interactions between he genuinely felt like he was going to pass out. Everything seemed to be floating by him as if he were on a cruise and he was quite surprised when Nathan slid next to him, eyed him critically, and then shook his head. "You definately should not be drinking," he heard his hotel roommate say critically. "Go to bed. You look terrible."

Ryo raised a tired eyebrow but shook his head, too worn to come up with a witty response other than, "Gee thanks. I'm fine." He said this with the conviction only someone with Ryo's specific brand of idiocy could muster. "It’s just a cold."

Nathan snorted. "You said that this morning, but you clearly have a fever." To Ryo's surprise Nathan placed the back of his hand against his cheek to feel how hot it was. He tried to hold back the small groan that escaped his lips, but the cool feeling of another person's skin just felt so good. God he missed Alex. "You're burning up." Ryo’s eyes fluttered open and was disappointed when Alex wasn't the person sitting across from him. Still, the look of genuine concern on Nathan's face gave him enough energy to push Nathan's hand away with a tight smile.

"I'm-"

"If you say you're fine again, I'm seriously going to punch you," Nathan snapped. Ryo shut up. He stayed silent, though now in shock as Nathan grabbed his wrist and pulled him off the bar stool. He was then forcibly led to the elevator, stumbling with dizziness. He opened his mouth to complain, but the glare from Nathan was enough to keep him quiet until they got to their room and Nathan sat him on the bed with his hands on Ryo's shoulders. "Sleep, you moron," Nathan insisted angrily.

Ryo was way too tired to argue and at this point, had no energy to call Alex again. Alex was on his mind though, and he couldn't help but smile to himself thinking about how he'd be reunited with his boyfriend tomorrow. Regardless, he wasn't aware that his phone had now died, leaving any call attempts Alex may or may not have made for the rest of the evening to go directly to voicemail and his texts to go unread.

Ryo fell asleep quickly. Vaguely, he remembered someone trying to wake him up around one in the morning, shaking his shoulder and saying something quite loudly. He whined and shut his eyes tightly to ward off the light that had been turned on. He heard whoever it was sigh and then a cold washcloth was placed on his forehead. He moaned and tried to pull the thing off, but the frustrated other party growled and forced if back into place.

"Jesus, how does he deal with you every day? Nine years... How the hell?" Some level of recognition regarding the scenario processed in Ryo's brain and even so sick, he couldn't help but laugh. "If you're conscious enough to laugh at me then you're fine," he heard Nathan huff, which only made him chuckle more until he was stopped by his own harsh coughing. The deep voice grew gentler and he felt a hand on his back rubbing circles until the coughing died down. "Just go back to sleep. We'll be home tomorrow."

The night felt like it lasted so much longer than it did. By morning Nathan was exhausted and agitated from having to play nurse all night. He scowled as he had to physically support Ryo into the rideshare they took to the airport. Ryo's fever, despite Nathan's reluctant tending overnight (prompted by a series of pained moans and violent shaking that even Nathan hadn't been able to ignore), had not gone down at all. In fact it seemed to be even higher. Nathan would rather drop Ryo off at a hospital to be their problem, but they were in an unfamiliar place with a flight to catch. He just needed to drag Ryo home and hand him over to his boyfriend, Nathan told himself a little desperately.

When they exited the cab, Nathan hoisted Ryo out of the car, throwing one of Ryo's arms around his shoulders for support. Ryo could walk at least, but he seemed totally out of it and unaware of what was happening. Nathan was kind of glad for that though, because he wouldn't have been able to bear the humiliation of Ryo being fully conscious during all of this. He half dragged Ryo through security and luckily Ryo wasn't stopped with the suspicion of being drunk, although Nathan wasn't sure how. Maybe Ryo's charm extended so far it could even trick TSA, Nathan thought dryly. The same routine applied as he got Ryo onto the plane and buckled him in, muttering an embarassed, "Excuse me" as he did the all too intimate task for his rival.

Most of the flight went fine. Nathan kept Ryo medicated even though it didn't seem to do anything and tolerated Ryo slumping over to sleep on his shoulder. At least he wasn't saying annoying stuff, Nathan thought to himself. And thank God it was a direct flight.

It was when they began their descent that Ryo seemed to regain awareness for all the wrong reasons. At first he was just covering his ears with his hands, but then Nathan realized he was crying in pain. He touched Ryo's shoulder nervously and the pathetic look of desperation that he got in response seriously scared him.

"My head's gonna explode. It hurts so bad," Ryo whimpered, tears streaming down his blotchy face. Nathan didn't know what to do. He didn't have any experience in helping someone with this, but he knew if Ryo's head had hurt before it was probably unbearable now. He settled for resting one hand on Ryo's knee and squeezed. Ryo placed his hand over Nathan's and held on so tight it hurt.

The remaining descent was a nightmare for both of them. Ryo was doubled over in pain worse than anything he'd ever experienced before and Nathan was terrified that Ryo's ears were actually going to explode. Eventually though, they reached the runway. Nathan waited for everyone else to get off the plane first before he tried to get Ryo off, not wanting to draw attention from the other passengers.

"Ryo, get up," he said gruffly, trying to pull his schoolmate up by the armpit. He froze when Ryo clapped his hand over his mouth and looked at Nathan in panic. "Shit, are you gonna barf?" Ryo nodded frantically and Nathan didn't spare another second before yanking him up and aggressively throwing Ryo into the plane bathroom just in time. One of the stewardesses came to move them along with an inpatient expression which softened when she heard the noises from inside the toilet and let them be.

Nathan waited about five minutes before he knocked. "Ryo, we gotta get off," he said. "Are you alive?" No answer. Nathan waited another thirty seconds before he yanked the door open and saw Ryo looking deathly pale, barely supporting himself against the sink from falling on the floor. He looked at Nathan with teary, guilty eyes. There was vomit on his chin.

"Shouldn'ta drank last night," he rasped, like this was the reason behind the puking and not the unbearable head pain that had made him puke. Nathan made a distasteful face in response at both the vomit and the feeling of exasperation washing over him. They were almost at the finish line, he told himself. "Let's go. Your boyfriend is waiting," Nathan said. He grabbed one of the towels and wiped Ryo's chin off, throwing the paper into the toilet in disgust and then pulling Ryo down the aisle.

The promise of reuniting with his beloved seemed to give Ryo just enough energy to get off the plane and allow Nathan to drag him through the airport to arrivals, where he quickly spotted Alex waiting for Ryo. A wave of intense relief washed over Nathan. Alex immediately looked worried as soon as he saw Nathan supporting Ryo until Nathan basically shoved Ryo into Alex's arms.

"Here, he's yours. He's sick as hell and owes me big time," Nathan snapped. He honestly never wanted to see Ryo again. Except maybe to make sure he was alive, that'd be good. Then he stalked off to find his mom, ignoring any words of protest and leaving Alex alone to support his boyfriend and his raging temperature.

Ryo was pretty out of it and just happy to be reunited with Alex who had to half drag, half support him back to the car. Ryo stared at the high step up into the truck for a long moment as if the task of getting in were too hard for him to comprehend, but eventually he crawled in with a boost from Alex. He leaned back in the passenger seat, breathing hard and fast.

Alex began to drive, glancing up frequently at his miserable boyfriend. "Ryo, wake up," he said. "What hurts?"

"Hurts? Um... My ears... And head... And everything else." He gave a delirious chuckle.

Alex stopped at urgent care on the way home to get Ryo checked out. He was really worried - he hadn’t expected Ryo to be this sick. Plus, Ryo was better at doing this kind of stuff - the planning and caring and tending to. Ryo leaned against him and his hot cheek felt like it seared Alex's shoulder. They gave Roy a test for flu and strep, which came back positive for strep.

“It looks like a nasty sinus infection with a double ear infection, too,” the doctor told them. Ryo was leaning against Alex, trusting Alex to deal with it all now. It was such a relief to not have to push himself anymore. He knew Alex would take care of him. “He’s lucky his eardrums didn’t actually pop," the doctor added. Alex wasn’t sure why he had to say that and glared at him.

Ryo slept much of the next twenty four hours after the ordeal of getting home. The following day he was lying on the couch dazed and feverish with a blank look in his eyes. Sinus infections could be a funny thing. While rarely extremely serious, they often just seemed to stick around imparting misery as the main symptom. For Ryo this was true, especially when combined with the strep throat have gave him a fever that just didn't want to break despite Alex staying on top of medications. The stress on Ryo's body from travel and especially from the pressure of the plane had made things worse than they probably would have been under normal circumstances. His head felt fuzzy and heavy, and he seemed unable to get through many coherent thoughts before losing focus.

"Nathan took care of me, baby," Ryo mumbled as Alex stroked his hair. "He did a good job. I'll have to make it up to him somehow."

"You don't owe him anything," Alex said. Ryo's head was in his lap on the couch and he could feel how warm Ryo still was despite Tylenol. "It's not like you got sick on purpose."

"I guess not. I'll still buy him a gift card or something though. I'm pretty annoying." Alex didn't disagree with that. Ryo was excitable at best and unbearably loud at worst. He was a hard core introvert's nightmare and Alex himself had been intimidated and annoyed by him when they first met. He didn't think Nathan had to be that rude to Ryo though. Only Alex was allowed to be that rude to him.

That evening, Alex was in the kitchen warming up some light soup out of a can on the stove. Ryo had little to no appetite, but Alex insisted he had to eat something. It was reverse from their usual position, which amused Ryo because Ryo was always the one insisting that Alex eat something that didn't come out of a plastic wrapper. He had on a big sweater, wool socks and their two warmest blankets on top, yet he still felt cold. His face was terribly pale other than his flushed cheeks and he was sniffling pathetically every few seconds. In a way he still felt like he was on the plane - like there was some pressure coming from inside his head that threatened to burst out painfully everywhere: his eyes, his ears, his nose. He wanted to help Alex tidy the house after his days away, because of course Alex had fallen behind on the chores. But all he could do was lie there miserably.

Alex came over with the bowl of soup and sat at Ryo's feet, handing it to him. Or attempted to, but Ryo shook his head and kept his arms planted under his blanket pile. "You need to eat," Alex sighed in annoyance.

"I'm weak," Ryo whined dramatically. "Help me."

Alex rolled his eyes, but spoon fed Ryo the soup anyways. "Dont make eye contact with me," Alex snapped at him when Ryo made yet another laughably doe eyed baby face. "I'll spill it all over you."

"Then you'd have to clean it up," Ryo said confidently.

"Then you'd be covered in soup and you'd have to clean it up," Alex muttered.

"Alex, move, ahh-" Alex yanked a spoonful of soup away just in time to avoid letting Ryo spray it all over him from the force of several harsh sneezes. Ryo groaned in pain. "I'mb sorry," he rasped out. Sneezing was seriously painful given his raw throat and aching head.

"It's okay, I got out of the way in time," Alex reassured him. He glanced down at the bowl to find it half empty. "Are you full?"

"Yes," Ryo sniffled. "Ugh. This is the worst sinus infection I've ever had." He rubbed his forehead which was throbbing with sinus pressure.

"I'm sorry, Ry," Alex said sympathetically. He tried to think of anything else be could do, but he was hardly a natural born caretaker. Still, he racked his brain until he came up with something Shu had done for him once when he had strep throat that had been surprisingly comforting. "I could read to you. Might distract you."

"Really?" Ryo asked in surprise. Alex was rarely so tender. "That does sound nice, but... What's the catch?"

"There is no catch, asshole," Alex huffed. "Do you want there to be one? I obviously don't have to read to you if you don't want me to. Forget I asked." He was blushing and Ryo knew he had to run damage control before this became an argument.

"No! I want you to," Ryo reassured his short-tempered partner. "I was just surprised. Read to me, please. It sounds nice.”

Alex nodded and grabbed the book he’d been reading recently off the bedside table. He didn’t bother giving any context - he knew Ryo wouldn’t care and would soon fall asleep. He just read from where he was while petting Ryo’s head on his lap until he heard Ryo’s congested breath turn into even snores. He put the book down and leaned over to kiss Ryo his head hot temple. Ryo would bounce back from this in no time, Alex thought to himself. He wasn’t worried. But he would take care of his lover for as long as he needed to, no strings attached.

[tainted-by-skeletons]

Bully Reader X Sans (Part 2)

(Still SFW. This part gets to the Sans X Reader stuff.)

Y/N’s Pov

I dreaded the day Sans would run into me next. But that day wouldn't be nearly as bad as the next time I ran into Papyrus.

“Hey! Paps! Uhhh is-”

“Y/N! Ooooh do I have some words for you!”

Usually I'd laugh at his silly, oddly motherly language… but he looked pissed. He lived with his brother. Obviously he saw what happened. And obviously Sans told him in a way that would make it look worse for me.

“Oh my god. I'm so sorry! Okay!? The whole canine unit was daring me to do it!”

“I insist you go apologize to my big brother right now!”

“Uhhhh…” I started quietly.

“Why are you hesitating?! Do you think I want to be friends with someone who bullies my brother! I didn't even realize how badly you were treating him until he came home with permanent marker all over his face!”

“I'm really sorry…”

“Tell him that!”

I really didn't get why Papyrus was fuming the way he was until he said,

“He's in our house all day now because he can't get it off!”

“What!?” I screeched.

“Is that a surprise to you? It's called a permanent marker.”

“It's not permanent for human’s skin! Oh my god. I'm soooo so sorry! I didn't know!” I insisted.

“Well.” Papyrus huffed. “I suppose your intentions weren't as evil as I thought, but you still have to apologize!”

“Yeah! Of course! Uh!- Well. I don't know if I should go to his house though.”

I already knew that Sans was extremely protective of his territory. Much like the dog guards. That wasn't a monster thing, but it did seem somewhat common in Snowden.

“This is an emergency!” Papyrus urged.

“Okay! Okay. I'll apologize. Is there something I can bring him? Like food? Orrr… I dunno.”

Usually when I had a fight with one of my friends I'd do something to make it up to them. But letting him draw on my face was my only idea and I'd assume he wouldn't like it.

“I would ask you to bring him Grillby's, but I heard you were rightfully banned from the restaurant.”

“Yeaaaah. What about MTT’s?”

“It… will have to do. Hurry!” Papyrus demanded.

“Eeep! Okay!”

I would never describe Papyrus as scary, but I'd die if he didn't talk to me. He was my only friend in the underground that I could really rely on for anything. He was irreplaceable and I did feel really bad about what I did to his brother. So I walked halfway across the underground kingdom and then all the way back to the skeleton brother's house. No doubt the food was cold, but it was the thought that counted.

*Knock knock*

The door didn't open, but not long after I knocked, I heard shuffling behind the door.

“Who is it?” A grumpy deep voice asked.

It was definitely Sans. It was actually pretty easy to recognize anyone's voice in the underground.

“Ummm. Your least favorite person... With a peace offering!”

“Fuck off!”

Something slammed against the door and scared a yelp out of me. I didn't want to stay there for any longer than I had to, but everyone said Sans couldn't hurt a fly. So I took a deep breath and started over.

“Please let me in. I know how to get permanent marker off of stuff. Okay?”

“You don't have to come in to tell me.”

“You at least have to open the door if you want food.”

Sans opened the door and stuck a boney hand out. I easily enough pushed the door open all the way. And I let myself in.

“Hey! What the hell?!”

“I don't apologize to closed doors. Now. Do you have nail polish remover?”

“The fuck does it look like?” Sans said rudely.

Sans looked as grumpy as he sounded. He was wearing his usual blue and gray jacket, but this time he had his hood up. There were two race car bandaids on his cheeks.

“You probably don't own soap.” I joked.

Sans shoved me and I nearly got locked outside again. I put myself between the door and the frame. Sans was thankfully not very strong.

“Aaah! Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!” I shouted.

Sans crossed his arms and huffed at me without saying anything.

“I'll come back with a few things that might work. Okay? You can take this for now. Or else it'll get even colder. But… please let me back in okay?”

Sans' already big eyes seemed to somehow get wider. But he quickly turned his head down and to the side as he muttered,

“Fine.”

“I'll be back later then.”

“Hey.”

“What?”

“Why are you doin’ all this?”

“I… I didn't realize that it was permanent. And I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't drunk. So I want to sorta make up for it.”

“You're not trying to get back into Grillby's?”

“No. It's your place. I won't go again.”

“Uh… I don't…I don't believe ya.”

And he slammed the door on my face.

“Uggghhh! Rude!” I shouted.

I turned away and headed towards the only convenience store I knew of.

It really is a shame. He looks so cute with those little bandaids on his cheeks! He seems more approachable now. I ought to convince him to take those off and let me highlight the cute marks I gave him with blush. Maybe he'll make some friends and leave me alone.

So I bought a few more things at the store than I originally intended. Nail polish remover, rubbing alcohol, blush, and a snack too. Checking the time, I realized it was starting to get somewhat late.

“Oh! I have to head back! Thanks!”

I rushed back to Sans' house. Running into Papyrus on the way.

“Human! How did it go?”

“I know how to get the marker off Sans’ face. He's going along with me for now. Are you on your way back?”

“Yes! I just came back from training with Undyne!”

“That's great. It'll be nice to have someone on my side. It won't be as awkward that way.”

“I am always happy to help a friend!”

“Thanks Paps. Er. Papyrus.”

Papyrus raised a metaphorical brow at my retraction of his nickname.

“Why don't you and Sans get along again?”

“I dunno… he's just… He's a real mood killer. And I don't like that he's always trying to get on my case about stuff!”

“What stuff?”

“Well… like… Being mean to people. But hey! Even if he's right, lecturing me isn't gonna make me wanna be any nicer! Besides! That's just how people get along sometimes. You don't care. Right?”

“When you make fun of me? I… I didn't want to bother you about it but… Yes. I do care about that.”

“Oh… Papyrus I'm so sorry. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything. It's just-... Just… I don't know. I say to you the kinda things my friends up on the surface always said to me. The guard dogs do it too! We push each other around and stuff and call each other chickens but… I do it a little differently? Don't I?”

“Sometimes. It does feel the same as a guard calling me names but I don't like that much either. You, Sans and Undyne are really the only people I consider friends.”

“Really? But you're so fun to hang out with!”

“Thank you Human! You know, Sans is a lot of fun too! I didn't understand why he's always so tense around you, but I hope one day you'll give each other a chance! I think you would be really great friends.”

“Ahhh. I don't know. Right now I'm just hoping to make up for this. I'm glad you'll be there though. Maybe you can butter him up.”

“Aaahhh Weelll! I actually have something I have to do! I'm so sorry human! I'm sure you'll do just fine without me! I have to go now actually!”

“What?! But we're almost there! Come on!”

As suspicious as it was, I wanted to get inside a house quickly. Smart ladies don't stay outside at night. I knocked on the skeleton brother's door once again. Wondering what Papyrus suddenly ran off for. Especially so late at night.

“... What? Why!” I heard through the door.

Sans was talking to someone. I couldn't tell who and I couldn't hear much, so I put my ear to the door and listened in.

“Yeah. She just got here. I'm about to let her in… Yeah? Well I wish I didn't have to! Why can't you help me out instead?... I don't need to be friends with her. I don't want to... I mean nooo. Not as bad as before… Ya know. I love that you like everybody but she's a jerk… She did?... Well. That doesn't change anything. I gotta go. I think she's right outside.”

Sans opened the door. He had taken off his cute bandaids and I could see my artwork in its full glory.

“Eeee!~” I squealed and held my hands up to my cheeks to hide my smiling face from him.

“Uh! Hey! Shut up!”

I let myself in and closed the door behind me. Hopefully making his decision to let me stay a little easier.

“I've got two ideas that should both work. If somehow they don't, I'm sure I could find you some concealer until it eventually… well. Like… heals over or scratches off or whatever.”

“I'm not sure it would.”

“What?! But like. Your bone or whatever it is. It heals right!?”

“Yeah. But nobody's been stupid enough to draw on it. Most people think it's pretty obvious that I might not be able to get it off.”

“Well if that's how it is, then if this doesn't work then you can find concealer without my help!”

“What the fuck is that anyway?”

“Concealer? It's like a foundation specifically made to cover up redness or any blemishes.”

“Oh God. I'm not gonna use fucking makeup!”

“Are you kidding me? Don't be a pussy! Even guys use-.”

“What did you call me?!”

I saw a flash of blue light somewhere in the corner of my vision as suddenly my body slammed into the side of Sans' wall. The force of the hit knocked the air out of me. I talk big but I'm no good in a fight. I learned that the hard way a couple times. I raised a hand up to my throat. As if I could somehow catch my breath physically with it.

“Answer me.”

I looked up and saw Sans' cute vandalized face didn't look so cute anymore. One of his eye sockets was completely dark. Reminding me he was still an undead monster I knew nothing about. The other was glowing with a blue and yellow ring. He stepped up to me and put a hand against the wall I was thrown against. I yelped and tried to cover my trembling lips. But it didn't hide my horrified tears. The bright ring from Sans' eye faded away. Soon it was replaced with his usual cartoonish white dots.

“Wow. Just like the canine unit. All bark and no bite.”

No one told me that Sans could fight. In fact, I heard exactly the opposite from everyone. That's why I wasn't afraid to pick on him. Sans backed off me. I took a second to wipe away my tears before I shakily stood. I realized the irony of me calling him a pussy. Out of everyone in the room that moment, it definitely wasn't him.

“Just… Let me give you the stuff so I can get out of here.” I said awkwardly and quietly.

“Good idea.”

I gave Sans a pouty glare as I reached for the bag of stuff I dropped. I was too late to hide the blush I bought on a whim. I tried to hide it back inside the clear bag as sneakily as I could. Obviously with Sans watching me do it, I couldn't hide much.

“The hell’s that pink stuff?”

“Uh! It's nothing! I was just- um. Er- It's actually mine.”

“I can tell you're lying. Is that something weird?”

Sans had a disgusted expression on his face. I could tell what he meant by weird and I didn't like what he might have been insinuating. Even then, I found myself asking to make sure.

“What do you mean weird?!”

“Oh God. Grillby told me you might have a crush on me but I didn't think he was actually right.”

“Whhat?!” I shrieked.

Sans' Pov

“What the hell is wrong with people like you? Are you that immature that you can't treat people you like with respect?”

“I don't have a crush on you! You're insane!”

“Kay. Then why'd you draw hearts on my face?”

“Because I didn't want anyone to see how bad I am at drawing!”

“Bullshit.”

“I'll prove it to you!”

“No you won't. Anyone can draw badly on purpose. Besides that's not an excuse because drawing on curved surfaces is hard anyway. So nobody's good at it in the first place.”

“What? No it's not! Why would that be hard?”

Oh wow. She is bad at drawing.

“Well why didn't you just write something then?”

“I have really bad handwriting.”

I guess that makes sense. Those go hand in hand.

“I got the idea because Brandy said something about it!”

That makes a lot of sense too…

“I don't really believe you.”

But I wasn't going to admit I was wrong about something like that.

“Ugh! You're just full of yourself! You probably think everyone has a crush on you!”

“I wouldn't have thought it if Grillby hadn't said anything.”

“Well he's crazy too! He probably just wanted to make you feel better or something! He probably likes you!”

“Oh. So you think everyone has a crush on me.”

“That's not what I said! That's not what I said at all!”

Her screeching didn't do her any favors. Still being seated on the ground under me was suspicious too. But what really convinced me was what I noticed when she stood up.

“You're blushing.”

“Uh! No! I-Ugh! Of course I'm blushing! You just nearly knocked me out and now you think I like you! It's all the blood in my- ugh! You wouldn't get it.”

“Haha. How much makeup do you wear? It's a mess.”

“Aaah! Don't look!”

She covered her face and turned away from me.

“Oh yeah? Why do you care if I see you like that?’

“Ugggh! Shut up!”

Y/N grabbed her bag and everything that fell out of it and marched upstairs.

[myfckingnameisnuwanda]

CH.1 With Love to Mom

November 11, day 5.

Hi, mom.

I have decided to start writing this, since it seems like we will be here for longer than we had predicted.

I don’t know where I am, mom, and I don’t know how to go back. I’m sorry.

We have found a cabin, and the rest of the boys that are stuck here with me are currently sleeping on travel beds that one of them stole from their Other Family.

You don’t know them, because I hadn’t particularly interacted with them before That Day.

Sam, the one that got the beds, seems to have disconnected himself from reality. He laughs in the face of everything that has happened to us up until now, and is happy everyday at the fact that we are currently missing school.

Felix is quiet, but takes an authoritative tone and displays options for us everytime we find ourselves between sword and wall. He is the one that found the abandoned cabin, and the one that put on the big pants and directly took us dumpster diving after the second day we had gone without food, ignoring all protests.

And Jake is mad. Almost constantly. He scares me, sometimes. Not because I think he will hurt me, but because I think he will hurt himself. I may have thought differently before That Day, but now I'm exposed to these guys twenty-four seven. It's impossible not to know them better by now.

I’m glad they are here with me, because I really really don’t know what I’d have done had I been alone.

This place is so strange, mom. And it’s not because it’s completely different to our world, as this place is remarkably similar (it follows the same physics, natural and biological laws, as far as I can tell, and has the same historical events as us, including the Wars, the Plague, the Dinosaurs, the Great Oxygenation Event, etc...), but because the only difference at all that I can see is that we don’t exist.

We were never born.

Jake’s mother is a real estate agent, not working two jobs at the same time as a cleaner and a waitress. She is also married to our teacher, Brian Bates. They seem very happy, too. His father is a police officer here, not an unemployed man that can’t even pay child support. I think Jake’s ire and fear mostly come from all that mess. I can’t imagine I’d be happy, either. The implication of what his birth did to his parents is not lost on any of us.

Felix is also having a hard time in that regard. His family seems mostly the same, except for one big detail. As he was never born, his brother, Oscar, never suffered the accident that took away his ability to walk. Sometimes, he says things that make me think he doesn’t even want to go back to our world, that he just wants to stay and be this Oscar’s older brother figure. His own existence be damned.

Sam and I don’t have it quite as bad, comparatively.

Sam’s problem, I’d say, is exactly the opposite of the rest of us, actually. His family is exactly the same, in every aspect. He just got replaced by a different Sam, that these people call Sammy. I asked him his birth date, and he told me that it was August 5th. Sam’s birthday is February 1st. They are different people. The only reason I assume they have the same name and similar age, is because Sam’s parents wanted to have another child, and planned to have him accordingly.

Which brings questions about the rest of us, to be honest.

Well, I guess Jake is not a surprise, but I have some questions for you for if when we come back, mom.

Our family... is mostly the same. You, dad and Nai Nai are the same people I know, with the difference that they don’t know me.

I was even able to explain our situation to the Other Father, appealing to his scientific curiosity. We regularly eat food at the restaurant. Sam likes the chicken feet.

Vivian... it’s obvious my existence made a big impact on her. She is a punk, mom (Felix taught me the term when I asked him after describing the clothing and confirmed when he saw it himself). Dresses in what I would have thought you would consider scandalous (and she even uses makeup and hair extensions!), but the Other Mother verily even says anything. I don’t know if it’s because she is used to it. I guess the difference between an only daughter and an older sister is bigger than I’d imagined.

It’s getting late, but writing this has already made me feel better about everything, and closer to you.

I miss you, mom. I miss my dad, my sister and my grandmother. I miss my world.

I hope I’ll see you soon.

With love, to mom,

Andy.

<- Summary

Ch.1-Ch.2 In Betweens ->

[narukoibito]

Wrapped 2022

Thank you @nuatthebeach for the tag! 💛 I was tagged in 2023, so...

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

Well, considering I only posted 2 (3 if you count each chapter) things, this will be short!

Unravel Me, Chapter 6: I am sincerely floored all the time by the readers who have continued to read (and reread apparently) this story, especially considering this was my first foray into smut and how long it is taking. Your support means everything to me. 💛

since feeling is first who pays any attention: Me?! Writing canon-compliant?! I have surprised myself in what I've written, wanting to choose the most underrated missed moments and make Ginny her own person. It's stretching my abilities as a writer, and I am excited where the next chapters and Ginny take me.

i'm sure of it by @takearisk-ao3: to be clear I DID NOT WRITE THIS, but since Hannah decided to make me a co-creator, so I wanted to take a moment to thank Hannah for this incredibly thoughtful gift of a missed moment within the Unravel Me universe. It and everyone's warm birthday wishes (@wackus-bonkus-maximus @nuatthebeach @fairsquare16 to highlight a few) led to the best birthday I've had since covid started. 🥹

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

As always no promises on actually releasing but...

Unravel Me: I have a clear vision of what happens in chapters 7-9, and over 5k words for chapter 7 (they are ROUGH) and some words for chapters 8 and 9. I know I'll release chapter 7 in 2023, but I really hope I get to all three.

since feeling is first who pays any attention: Hopefully I'll be able to release the rest of this missed moments series in the new year.

unnamed Muggle AU FWB story: Another FWB, Naru? Why, yes. But a very different vibe from Unravel Me - this is college au, slow burn, learning how to smut sloooooowly, Harry trying to teach Ginny how to feel good and, maybe, hopefully, dare to love too.

cat!Harry: Thanks to @annerbhp's encouragement during Nanowrimo to write my most self-indulgent idea ever, I got 12k words of the most ridiculous thing ever. I have no idea how to string it into something coherent, haha but maybe one day I will!

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

Changing Unravel Me's original outline from one that would match a more conventional romance story to one that requires the characters to dig deeper than if they only communicated (but yes, if only they would). While it's deterred my completing new chapters, I do believe it will make the finished product better than originally imagined.

Writing Ginny as her own person during missed moments in canon has been a real stretch for me, the AU writer who likes the safety of not having to get things "just right." Ginny has surprised me with her tenacity, and I have surprised myself with writing reader dramatic irony and creepy scenes.

Writing words. Nanowrimo was awful, but I did get 50k words out. That took a lot of pushing forward even when I didn't like the words instead of letting myself get stuck on a scene. For that reason, I have (bad) drafts of multiple wips, but editing will (hopefully) be much less painful.

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year

To take my writing seriously

To continue to learn and practice the craft

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year

From since feeling is first who pays any attention, the Dementor on the train:

But as a darkly hooded figure appears at the door, the smell of decay intensifies. It draws a long, slow, and rattling breath, as if to suck in more than air from the environment.

An intense cold overtakes her. It penetrates deeper than her skin, straight to her core. It’s so cold, it radiates from within her. To her horror, she recognizes this feeling.

It’s the painful drawing of a soul from her body.

It's no longer 2022, and I don't know who has or hasn't done this, but tagging @fightfortherightsofhouseelves @twentysevensummers @wackus-bonkus-maximus @gryffindorhealer and anyone else who hasn't done it and wants to play!

[radley-writes]

Hello there I hope you are well. I might have EDS but also think it might all be my head. I want to try and seek a diagnosis but I want to be sure first. Do you have any advice? Thank you and please no pressure to answer if it is a stressful question.

First off: I have so much empathy. You're exactly where I was at this time last year - aka, in my 'constantly annoying family/friends by asking "Hey is this thing I've been doing my entire life abnormal, actually?"' phase.

By this point, I have been professionally diagnosed. I also have a close friend who thought she had EDS but wound up being diagnosed with HSD, which affects fewer parts of your body. She has received pretty much the same amount of help that I have - so even if it turns out that you don't have EDS, there's still a good chance of accessing care!

...I also, sadly, know multiple people who have been treated abysmally while seeking a diagnosis and have received no help whatsoever. So much depends on which health professionals you speak to.

Whether or not you receive a diagnosis at the end of the day, remember that your struggles are real and are valid, and that you deserve support. I truly hope that you find it, and my inbox is always open should you wish to chat. x

Second off: check out this link for the official diagnostic checklist.

[more under cut...]

Remember to think carefully about skin & internal organ issues, as well as just the Beighton criteria.

I hit a 9 on the Beighton scale when I was diagnosed (full marks, yay!) even though most days I'm a 7. However, a surprising amount of people - I think as much as 25%? - meet the official criteria for 'generalised joint hypermobility'. It's really not that uncommon, and in the vast vast vast amount of cases, it's either unsymptomatic or only causes minor problems with sprains and pain.

However, most people do not regularly dislocate or subluxate joints (This can look different to what you expect! I only recently realised that 'numerous joints get stuck at painful and unnatural-looking angles, so I have to very gently manouevere them until the bone clunks back into place' is actually not an experience everyone has, lol.)

Most people do not have recurring hernias or prolapses.

Most people do not have difficulty walking or climbing stairs because of recurrant sprains and dislocations of the ankles/knees/hips.

Most people do not struggle to swallow, randomly spurt solid food out of their nose, or have frequent accidental vomiting episodes.

Most people do not have all of the following: hyperextensible skin that bruises like a peach, and arms that are significantly longer than they are tall, and arachnodactyly, and fat that herniates through the skin of their heels, and a high arched palette, and a ridiculous amount of stretchmarks that have been there since pre-puberty.

Most people do not regularly faint for no obvious reason.

Most people are not in constant pain.

I have all of the above signs for EDS. It took me years to recognise that these were all connected to a single disorder, and weren't just 'in my head'. So I'm not going to give you some bullshit about 'well, if you had EDS, you would know about it'.

I would encourage you to go to the doctor and pursue a diagnosis if all of this is sounding in any way familiar - or even if not, but you'd still like the assurance! There is no shame in wanting to just talk your experiences over with a health professional and see what they think. And I truly hope that they listen.

Best of luck on your journey, nonnie.

[captain-kit-adventuress]

I wanted to add some info about the ones with question marks. And maybe some fun facts about others.

"Surprise" Symphony - This is probably very apocryphal, but supposedly, Haydn wrote it the way he did because he was fed up with people falling asleep in his concerts. Which I get, because his music, to me, is boring AF. What's fun is to hear how very clearly he influenced Beethoven, who was his student. It's like Beethoven took the best of Haydn and put it into his own work and made something totally fantastic out of it.

That Chopin Nocturne™ (Op. 9 No. 2) - I will die a happy woman if I never, ever have to hear this nocturne again. There are so many better ones that deserve the love this one gets. Sigh. Seek out the posthumous Nocturne in E Minor, Op. 72, No. 1. SO much better.

Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring - This is a wonderful song, but it should never be played on an acoustic guitar–though it often is. You hear it a lot at weddings (before the ceremony starts) and it's a peaceful sort of thing that people can enjoy whilst they're waiting. Go with Sheep May Safely Graze instead. In fact, that's just good life advice.

Funeral March - Honestly, this one's pretty self-explanatory. You'll hear it a lot in cartoons if someone's about to die. It's actually quite haunting, and lovely if done well. Chopin tends to capture sadness better than most.

The Next Six Songs - Pretty sure each of these has appeared at least once in a cartoon starring Bugs Bunny. Also, seek out Elgar that isn't Pomp and Circumstance. He wrote some really cool stuff, like The Enigma Variations.

Für Elise - This one drives me batty because all people know is the first repeated notes. (Hmm, sounds like not one, not two, but at least three famous Beethoven pieces. Learn the whole thing, guys.) But it's actually pretty good, and has varying sections to it. I highly recommend listening to all of it.

Night on Bald Mountain - If you've seen the original Fantasia (1940), you've heard this piece.

The Fucik Piece (aka the 24 f guy) - I would love to see this guy in a head-to-head competition with Sousa (nicknamed The March King, because he wrote a shit-ton of marches), both for composition style and moustache-having. It'd be wild.

The Flower Duet - Also used lots of times over graphically horrifying things to add a sense of jarring whimsy.

The New World Symphony, 4th mvt especially, sometimes called "Largo" - I've heard a lot of classical music in my day, but honestly, there are very few pieces that can compete with it in my heart. Y'all think you know the main melody of this movement, but you don't. And I promise it doesn't hit as hard if you don't listen to the whole thing. The gorgeous, lush string part at the end needs the previous 8-10 minutes. It's the catharsis to the beginning's tumult. Imagine, if you will: it's been storming for weeks, maybe longer, and you've been stuck on a rickety wooden ship, tossed about by waves that crest the ship's sides and threaten to capsize everything. You've narrowly escaped death several times. And then, just as you think this was the most foolish voyage you've ever undertaken, you see land. You see the edge of the beach, and you can't quite hold down the rush of emotion from spotting a line of sand in the distance. It's not a trick, it really is what you've been dreaming of for months and nearly died to reach. The boat hoists anchor, and you're taken in a small rowboat to the shore. All you want to do is kiss the ground beneath your feet and thank all that is holy that you have survived. That's why you need the whole thing, not just the pretty melody at the end.

Ave Maria - There are lots of Ave Marias. This one is by Schubert, and one of my favourites. Another popular one is the arrangement by Gounod, set to Bach's Prelude No. 1 in C Major.

Canon in D - You mostly hear this at weddings and there's a million and one interpretations of it. If you don't like one, seek out another, I'm sure there's one out there for all. The TSO's version is really cool.

Adagio for Strings, Samuel Barber - I'm surprised this hasn't made any lists. It's most famously from Platoon (1986), but it's another one of those slow, sad songs that gets played over horrific scenes of violence. One of the best melancholy pieces of music ever written. Agnus Dei is the vocal version.

Sorry this got long, hope you enjoyed!

Classical Pieces You've Probably Heard but Might Not Remember the Name

William Tell Overture- Rossini (Most famous part at 8:45, but why not listen to the whole thing?) I’m adding hints, at least to the ones I recognized culturally. This one is “go, horsey, go!”

Also Sprach Zarathustra- Strauss Slow, dramatic entry scene, IN SPAAACE.

Eine Kleine Nachtmusik- Mozart People running out of a fancy wedding or something. Also known as DUN, dun DUN, dun DUN dun DUN dun DUUUUN.

Symphony 94, Mvt. 2 “Surprise Symphony”- Haydn ?

Toccata and Fugue in d Minor-Bach Halloween organ!

Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2- Chopin Picture a tiny old woman playing piano in a sunlit room with lots of flower vases, about the spill the tragic secrets of her past to some timid young visitor.

Rondo alla Turca- Mozart the babysitter from The Incredibles: “Time for some COGNITIVE ENRICHMENT!”

Sinfonie de Fanfares: Rondeau- Jean-Joseph Mouret Royalty is coming. Or someone is getting married. Or royalty is getting married. Also the PBS Masterpieces theme.

The Four Seasons: Spring- Vivaldi (I just linked to the whole thing because it’s great) Again, someone is getting married, but this one is strings instead and a lot less frumpy.

Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring- Bach That one that amateur guitarists love where the notes are all up and down but all the same length. Also used in movie weddings.

O Fortuna (from Carmina Burana)- Carl Orff SONG OF DOOM. Also song of “baby on fire!” in The Incredibles.

Funeral March- Chopin ?

Orpheus in the Underworld: Infernal Galop (A.K.A. Can Can)- Offenbach Well, “aka can-can” says it all.

Pomp and Circumstance (You probably graduated to this)- Elgar Oh yes, Baaaa dun dun dun duun duuuuun… Also if you were a bandie you had to play it for 3 years before graduating to it.

Gayane: Sabre Dance- Aram Khachaturian Comically hectic productivity, a circus clown juggling while standing on a ball, or perhaps a rapidly-approaching termite infestation. Could go any way, really.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Wedding March- Mendelssohn The song movies play right AFTER they both say “I do.”

Carmen: Les Toreadors- Bizet I can’t be the only one who remembers when ‘Hey Arnold’ did this. “Bullfights and swordfights, rolling in manuuure!”

The Ride of the Valkyries- Wagner Good song for a naval battle I guess? I can only think of the mini golf course I went to as a kid with the creepy castle on Hole 18 that played this.

Für Elise- Beethoven That one every amateur piano player loves to play because the beginning is just E and E-flat over and over. Also ballet and piano recital scenes in movies.

Dance of the Hours- Ponchielli Hello mudda, hello fadda, here I am at, Camp Granada…

Rigotello: La Donna e Mobile- Verdi More than a few sophisticated movie villains (or snobby good guys) have this playing on a Victrola. Also, tell me you don’t picture Pavaroti no matter who’s actually singing.

Night on Bald Mountain- Mussorgsky ?

Romeo and Juliet: Love Theme- Tchaikovsky More movie-love, usually building up to admitting they live each other.

Entry of the Gladiators- Julius Fucik I have one word for you: CIRCUS.

Lakmé: Flower Duet- Delibes OMG ALIAS. Nadia’s spy  backstory in Film Noir!

Peer Gynt: In the Hall of the Mountain King- Greig Mischievous Tiptoeing in Movies song. Also something growing out of control, slowly at first and then quickly, and (comically) exploding.

Rodeo: Hoedown- Copland The title says it all tbh.

Peer Gynt: Morning Mood- Greig Sunrise/waking up Movie Song du jour.

New World Symphony Mov. [2][4]- Dvorak Well now I’m thinking of “An American Tail” and I’m crying…

Ave Maria (You knew this, but did you know that it was by Schubert?) Nothing to add. I’m not a music snob, really, but if you didn’t know this, YOU SHOULD.

Canon in D- Pachelbel This is the one that the pretty Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas song comes from. :-)

Add others if you want! Have fun!

[freezing-turtle]

Art Month 2024 is complete! I have once again overcome this challenge, having (hopefully) grown far stronger than I was before! My roster of Drawn Characters is certainly more full than it was before.

This post is going to be a sort of master-post of all the posts of Art Month 2024, an easily scrollable listing with a bit of commentary and reflection here and there. It'll be below the break (assuming I do this right). Feel free to point out your favorites, and maybe share this (or the individual posts) with others who may find the artwork cool or neat. Thanks for being here with me this October, I am taking a bit of a break from drawing for now (need to recover physically with Rest and mentally with Gaming).

Day 1: Watermelon Teto I don't remember why I went with the Majima Melon meme, but I'm satisfied with it.

Day 2: Furina I feel like I enjoy the mini-Furina more than the actual main image. She's just so silly.

Day 3: Cheryl Was very happy about the background on this one, actually. It still takes longer than just a flat color or gradient, but this style of background painting is still pretty quick. This is also when you can say I turned the makeup up to 11, and yeah. I just find it fun, and can't really do much with it irl, so it works its way into my art rather often.

Day 4: Shantae I did not realize Shantae had this much pull. This one got a lot of traffic and hype, at least compared to the rest. I do like it on its own merits, I feel like I adopted parts of the original style well, but yeah, it shocked me a bit. Again on backgrounds, though, I feel very confident with my clouds these days.

Day 5: Spirit Tracks Zelda Feels well-made, but almost doesn't feel like its mine as much because of how closely I stuck to the original artstyle. Also, I'm not so happy about the background. It's fine, but it sure took a while for it to just be "fine."

Day 6: Balatro This was very well-liked by the official Balatro Discord server; I think it helped that most people focused on imagining/ reimagining joker cards, so this was a lot more fresh.

Day 7: Bunnies I felt it was important to have some requests in here, and spread out, so that I could maintain motivation by saying "I have to get to at least here so I can make this for my friend!" It's a different flavor of motivation, which I think keeps things fresh and functioning well. I made the designs for these two, then went to check, and I realized the black bun was a boy bun, but didn't want to redo the whole thing, so I just decided he would be a femboy in this.

Day 8: Sakuya The rare animated work from me. I'm really unfamiliar with CSP's animation tools (and animation tools in general), so it was a bit of a struggle making this work right. Previous frames of the knife kept appearing behind the current frame until I moved everything to the right on the timeline, then the frames disappeared as expected. I don't know why or how that fixed it.

Day 9: Reina I'm not very satisfied with this one. I know very little about the character, and I feel like it just doesn't look right, but people who know her seem to have enjoyed it, so I guess it's alright.

Day 10: Sigune This might just be my best art in general? Like, this one went so well. Strong expression, good fore/middle/back ground, everything is lined decently well, it's just a really strong piece. "My Best" might be subjective, I could shift it around depending on criteria and how I'm feeling; it's almost certainly the most detailed illustration this character has ever gotten, though. I don't think I've seen anyone else draw her this well.

Day 11: "Rare Occurrence" This one felt silly, but still pretty good. More painterly, and mostly background, which I used in-game screenshots to help guide me on (mostly just the center mountain). I probably should've thrown a ToP in the background, better solidify the AH reference. Was kinda surprised to find that people used to hate this episode, though, it permanently altered my ability to see pink and brown sheep, and I thought it was the origin of Ray's "ENDERMAN!" voice clip, but I didn't rewatch the full thing to check.

Day 12: Palutena I did not consider what effect the cropping would have given her outfit. I just didn't want to draw all those details, there's just so many bits. I also wanted to draw a girl with gold makeup, and a goddess of light seemed like a strong fit. I think it was a strong idea, but my execution on the face wasn't all there, in my eyes.

Day 13: Athena Cykes Painting over the courtroom background like that probably wasn't necessary, but it's pretty alright, at least. I tend to prefer shorter, untied hair, but these wild ponytails with strong shapes are fun to draw as well. Same sort of deal as with Miku (or Teto).

Day 14: Femme Joker [P5] I thought this one was going to spread better than it did. It's okay, though. I'm happy enough with the posing, and drawing male characters being feminine is fun in a slightly different way to drawing female characters being feminine. Probably has something to do with my transier feelings, we don't need to get deep into it, though.

Day 15: Super Hat Witch Sort of a different format so I could show off more of the concept of what the character does, rather than a simple pinup or whatever. I'm glad the requester found the hat to be sufficiently Big, I kind of expected at least a joking "the hat should be Bigger."

Day 16: Skyla & Elesa I hid Shadow the Hedgehog in the background, he's in one of the windows, barely visible. Another one where I feel like I could've done better, especially around the faces, but the concept felt very nice and was a nice twist on what I was seeing in most of the trending Skyla art.

Day 17: Hisami Yomotsu Between this and Sakuya, Touhou Tumblr was surprisingly kind to me (surprising in the fact that I didn't really expect it to be here and be active in spreading stuff like what I made)

Day 18: Nifl & Fjorm There's this artist I follow who is a big Nifl fan, and I shared this in her server, and she seemed really happy and excited about what I made, so that felt pretty great. I also like what I did here; faces were a little experimental, mixed results a bit, but Nifl definitely looks good to my (present-day) eyes.

Day 19: Mirror Maiden I really like Mirror Maidens. The closest thing we have to a playable Mirror Maiden is maybe Layla, who is another one of my favorite Genshin characters, but I want her to have the blue lipstick (and also to not get screwed out of appearing in all the new Sumeru content, she just got left out of the Sumeru group photo in the current Event going on, I'm mad about it).

Day 20: Guildmarm I think I forgot to add a layer to show the glass of her glasses more properly, but it's a very minor thing. I wish MH4 was on something other than the 3DS.

Day 21: Bowsette Felt good about my modifications to the more standard Bowsette designs. The green eye makeup felt really appropriate here, capturing the green part of Bowser's head that usually gets left out. Background was cool, too. Probably could've put more thought into the floor tiles, but, nah.

Day 22: Dark Magician Girl I still don't really get the rules of YGO, but I imagine she's playing (or trying to play) a Spellcaster deck of some kind, based on the fact that the [Spellcaster] tag was on the card I used as a reference image.

Day 23: Queen Deltarune I tried to put not that much effort into this and it still did well. Oh-ho-ho. Also, nobody's pointed out the Cool S. I felt like it fit.

Day 24: Gumi-Mew This one had a lot more effort, it was kind of like a birthday present. Really happy with the dynamism in the pose, it's maybe not perfect for rounding the corner like that, but kinda rocks.

Day 25: Poison I think this is where I realized I was getting fatigued mentally. I was still doing alright, but I was needing to take more and more breaks. Really sleepy.

Day 26: Pyra Definitely wish I had remembered the animal hoodie. Probably would've been harder to draw, but I think it's cuter. Also, this one got a bunch of people to tell me to finish playing Xenoblade Chronicles 2; I'm sure it's good, but I just have other priorities at the moment.

Day 27: Spooky Corrin Another one where I hoped it would've been more popular. I've seen a lot of her this year in particular, but maybe I was just looking for it this time. Still happy about it, I think the little dragon form is cute.

Day 28: Creepyfrogsta "You've met with a terrible frog, haven't you?" is still just hilarious to me. It's good to break things up with something silly and fun every now and again. Get that variety in there, it helps pass the Art Month (in case you wanted advice on how to complete on yourself [probably don't dive right in with a full, 31-day month. Maybe start with just a week if you feel unsure]).

Days 29 and 30: Hexed Trainers Had to fuse two days somewhere to slip under Tumblr's 30 image limit, this combo made the most sense by far. Modified it to also have my regular Hex Maniac from Art Month 2023 in the background (as well as using that background because it's better). I would be lying if I said I didn't at least kind of want to be transformed into a cute goth/ gothy girl. Most types of girl would already be a good start.

Day 31: Aversa Costume I think my shading could've maybe been better, some details aren't perfect, but I was fighting my way to the finish line, and sometimes you just have to be happy with whatever you can get done. I can do better in the abstract, but I couldn't do better in that moment, and that's an important thing to keep in mind, you know? I hope this will be good for me in the end. I don't know if Art Month 2025 will be a thing yet, but we'll see.

Thank you for making it all the way to the end, this post and all the art in it took a lot of time to make happen. I appreciate your support, I'm glad that if nothing else, I can make people's days a little bit better using the skills I've been practicing for years.

[skepticamongthefaithful]

The things we don't talk about with grief...

I was an EMT from 2013 to 2021. I've been around a lot of death; patients dying on the way to the hospital, from various illnesses and injuries, to pronouncing a family member after a welfare check when they wouldn't hear back in days/weeks. There were deaths that were sudden, traumatic, and those that - albeit surprising to the family - would have been expected due to age. In that time, I seldom shared the stories of what I saw; always the funny, dumb stories, never the suicides or screams from family members that stuck with me for days/weeks.

For most of that time, I had a partner who I presumed was supportive; the acceptance that, while I would carry the past 24 hour shift on my shoulders driving up to their house at 8am, I wasn't open to talking about it because I wanted to leave work at work.

Back then, I was thankful for how quick they were to talk about their day, asking me out to events and asking for my input on plans together or seminars she'd be speaking at.

At some point in our relationship, I thought about opening up to them, and had - to their interest at the time - invited them out to the Museum of Death in L.A. with a close, goth friend.

They didn't like it. It was all - too much - and while I see now that the actual presentation of pictures and suicide notes may not have been the best introduction to gauge their openness to discuss the vicarious trauma I, to this day, have struggle accepting. Still, there was something in the way she shared her disgust, I was reminded of an earlier time when I had started to realize I was emotionally/psychologically abused in a prior relationship.

The first time, they were attempting to initiate sex, and something about the way she was touching me triggered a freeze response in me. I'm not sure how long I stayed silent, unflinching, but at the time all I could think about was how my previous partner had coerced me into sex when I tried leaving. It took awhile for me to snap out of that, even as they started crying, asking if I was physically disgusted with them. I don't remember our conversation after, but I know she wasn't open to discussing it.

The second time, we were driving back from a thrift store in Long Beach, and I had to pull the car over because something had triggered me yet again - except this time I didn't freeze. This time, something in my "bad breakup" became re-contextualized, and I realized I was sexually violated. I began to cry.

Again, they didn't want to talk about it. They never would, though when I had come up with the idea of making a photoshoot out of it, they were offended I didn't want them there.

Today, I wonder - while we're no longer together - how they would've responded to the grief I've been working through the past year since Syn died. More specifically, I wonder if they would've responded any better than the countless friends, who've been with me through the worst, more than willing to tell me how I shouldn't dwell on this - as though I have a choice.

Grief is such an intense, often life-changing emotion I don't think people ever truly try to understand, and one that will often alienate those we thought would see us to the end. There will be nights you don't sleep. Your body will change; heart rate constantly running tachy, memories harder to keep, your hair will thin or come out in patches, and all the while you'll learn to mask the pain, you'll lose your vision and need to wear glasses if you didn't before.

I've always been very quick to protect those who were going through this in the past, and while I could empathize with the feeings of depression, my own personal experience with grief - my inability to recall most of my time with Syn - makes me see just how death in general is not something people like or even want to hear about.

They actively avoid it, thinking anyone who "focuses on the negative" is only making themselves more depressed, rather than looking for the silver lining.

But there's something about sitting with the feelings of loss and sadness that's cathartic, especially when those feelings arise in discussions with others who've experienced death in their lives.

It's not that we're wallowing it, it's that we're acknowledging it's real and it's fucked up, rather than forcing ourselves to think of the person who died as a fictional character who never existed beyond media.