#this absolutely posted before i was ready but that sums it up lmao

[iloveuchuu]

I love BP dearly but when I tell you I’d never have paid for a born pink ticket I meant it. And a lot of blinks took some people criticizing the show as hate but is a valid criticism specially if you spent money for that. The tickets were super expensive (significantly more expensive than a ticket to see bts, who love or hate them always put on a great performance). I feel like the girls didn’t feel energetic or motivated during the tour and i am a firm believer they weren’t ready for a tour this big and YG just keep on adding dates despite the exhaustion to beat bts’ record and media-play with it and in case the renewal negotiations went down the drain and this could be their last BP tour.

And it wasn’t even just a bad performance one time. It was consistently bad all around. And the whole Jennie controversy I am going to be real — Jennie only puts effort when she likes the audience. Is that unprofessional? Idk. Maybe she just gives the energy the audience gives her. Lisa does consistently well but there’s not much she can do alone because the choreographies requieres an energy and a synchronization they severely lacked during tour. All the media outlets that went to review the show said the exact same thing. It’s not some racist and bigotry statements. The problem with blinks is that they take every criticism as hate and eat up every content even if it’s bad. This is why YG doesn’t put any effort in the material. They know fans will love it because they waited for so long and any content is better than not content.

👏🏻👏🏻 absolutely!!!!

I was a BLINK from debut up until just before Love Sick Girls where I became a much more casual listener and eventually fell off from following the girls much. Which is why it’s always funny to be labeled a hater by other BLINKs when we critique the group or the company. The fan mindset of “you have to love everything or nothing” is so toxic and at the end of the day really does negatively impact the quality of the music and fandom. I think if anyone should be free to express opinions and valid criticism it’s fellow BLINKs lmao

And exactly; the ticket prices were insane. I remember looking to see if I could afford cheaper seats and even those were priced so high. I was thankful that I ended up not going because of the quality of the concert performances but I do truly feel bad for the fans who spent that much money for what they got. You bring up such a good point about it feeling rushed for the sake of “outdoing”BTS; this is a phenomena I’ve noticed a LOT of over the last few years with many groups but YG especially with the girls.

Your last sentence is similar to my post about their album and basically sums up my feelings on the outcome of the tour too:

“YG and Teddy are relying on the popularity of the girls and the solid fan base to support the album (and it’s working). And while there’s nothing wrong with supporting the girls or liking the music on the album (if you do I’m happy for you, genuinely), I do think it’s unfair and lazy to the girls themselves and the fans to not put effort into the product.”

Why should fans settle for mediocre performances, songs, and experiences just because they want to support BP when the company who owns them are rich and capable? We shouldn’t be settling. I was talking with a friend about how much Blackpink would KILLLLLLL concept like "Cool Hot Sweet Love" by Red Velvet where Jennie could do a slower and more sultry rap, Jisoo and Rose could sing in their lower registers, it would be a more "mature/elegant" style. Or even a concept like After School's Bang could be SO COOL from Blackpink.

As for Jennie I always want to stress I sympathize with the fact that she may have some health issues, as someone who has a disability that comes with chronic fatigue and pain I understand. HOWEVER: The excuses I’ve seen ranging from “it’s her shoes” to “she was never trained properly” (quotes from her) to “she’s allowed to have a bad day” (from fans) are very telling when the same people excusing her (sometimes) lack of effort are also dragging other idols for their bad days.

I have seen how she performs for Western audiences in the same outfits that she claims are too hard for her to perform in poorly for Korean audiences, and that’s veryyyyyyy unprofessional to me.

And this is not me saying Jennie isn't talented or that she's horrible and the devil incarnate LMAO; I'm speaking purely from two places-

a former BLINK and a KPOP fan of over 13 years who has seen idols be professional even if they don't like the material/audience.

All this to say: The girls have talent, YG once again loves to mismanage a group once they bring in money despite the group having so much more potential, and I think it's reasonable for fans to be pissed about low quality and low energy concerts when they're spending upwards (and over) $200 for a ticket.

[zanyzendraws]

SEPTEMBER 4 2024 ZENLOG: Guess Who's Back Again?

So as you can see, I haven't been keeping up attendance since the last update. Oops.

I somehow missed the second week already... MAN.

But I'm thankfully here now and boy oh boy do I have a lot to update you guys on!

That being said, here's the nifty little table of contents! Just look for the color for the section(s) you wanna read and enjoy yourself!

CONTENTS OF THE ZENLOG

PERSONAL UPDATES

PROJECTS

WHAT TO EXPECT

BEFORE I GO

A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! (Wooooooah!)

If you're ready to read, click "keep reading!"

PERSONAL UPDATES

Remember how my throat was hella sore the previous update? I managed to go to a follow-up appointment for the doctor. Upon looking at my throat, sir said absolutely nothing has changed (much to his confusion... and mine).

So, sir has decided to up the intake on my antibiotics. They were WAY more effective than the ones I was on previously, so HALLELUJAH!

Then I got sick two more times post-recovery.

It's actually bonkers. I mean, aside from my wack sleep schedule, for the most part I took care of myself. So what was the problem?

Turns out that the air here where I live now just has a crapton of particles that irritate my asthma.

Oops.

But hey, on another note, I've met my extended family members and all of them are hella cool! In addition to that stuff, I've also been researching on colleges and working on myself outside of projects. After all, if I don't take care of IRL me, how will I take care of my creations?

And brainrotting over Bill Cipher and Stanford Pines content shhhhhh

(For those curious, the game is Swooning Over Stans! I've heard so many things on Tiktok so I started playing it myself LMAO)

PROJECTS

A slightly detailed list of what I wished to accomplish this week, but if you want brief phrases that sum things up, look for the pink text!

HANASHIMA'S ADVANCED CLASS

I've managed to get 17/15 responses to my anxiety-related questions that I've mentioned the last time! I'd like to thank my Discord friends and everyone who participated in my little survey! The input really means a lot to me! I now have a better understanding of the specific scenario I've been trying to write, and hopefully I won't let everybody down with my attempts at portrayals.

In addition to that, thanks to a friend, I've noticed some blaring issues with some characters and pacing, so an outline is in the works and the same applies with an official character sheet.

This issue made me realize that I do in fact, need outsider opinions regarding more 'technical' aspects of my writing and not just what I wanted to accomplish. That in mind, I now have two consultants on my team (woah, I have a team now!)

[WIP AUDIO PROJECT]

Not much progress has been made with this one, though character designs for 2/3 characters has been finalized.

MISC

I've completed two short comics and am currently working on a third strip.

I've uploaded a few tiktoks that I plan to reupload onto here / post the images I've included in those works.

WHAT TO EXPECT

It'll probably be a while before you even see anything genuinely plot-related for Hanashima's Advanced Class. I have big things planned, and I'm doing the thing where I write the whole entire story first prior to actually committing to uploading (compared to others where they come up with the story as they go).

I've ultimately decided to stay quiet on the psychological horror project that I mentioned the previous time as well. I might post some stuff about it every now and then, but I'll keep my mouth shut on the matter for now. Mostly because it's a horror so the element of surprise and shock is of utmost importance... and thus, no one can know anything about it if I wanna keep that element!

I might work on an official introduction to who I am via Youtube video format - because aside from witnessing my feral behavior and my art stuff, I realized that not most exactly know who I am or what my goals are regarding what I want to do with my art. It'll be a simple video but an introduction nonetheless!

A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! (HUH???)

Starting next week, I'll be posting a series of weekly comics! They'll be similar to ShenComix in terms of content but with my own flair and experiences!

I'm still working on a title for the series but just know that I'll have a lot more content! I'm working on more comics so I don't have to worry about deadlines or anything haha

EDIT: Zen's Zaniness is releasing Thursday next week!

BEFORE I GO...

Apologies for the lack of funny images here compared to last time. And- you know, my absence.

But I'm really excited to be sharing more art with you guys, as I continuously work on more Hanashima's Advanced Class.

Take care and stay zany! <333

-ZanyZenDraws (Zen)

[doctapuella]

GIRL I GOT YOU!!

https://open.spotify.com/track/4rtzNf8AcFARJf7wv6AfyP?si=4vyJmveeSwWJO4afyDB-DQ&utm_source=copy-link

(apologies in advance because this is probably the hardest song I listen to 😔😔)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH that’s some good shit!��

[casualavocados]

alright, here comes the long ass super personal and sentimental post absolutely nobody asked for (you’re welcome)

i watched episode 1 of bad buddy the day it aired (1 year ago today!) out of sheer luck. i dont even remember how i discovered it, but my initial thought was: “im bored. it’s 11pm and i dont want to go to sleep. this trailer looked fun. oh it came out today? sure what the fuck.” and i watched it in bed, on my phone. completely fucking unaware of what was about to happen to me and my life - and this honestly amuses me so much when i think about it because let me tell you...

i am NOT one to watch romance for romance’s sake. i really couldnt care less for it tbh. i’m not what i’d call a shipper at all (though i used to be, and if you remember my blog back then i owe you financial compensation bc tbh that whole spectacle exhausted me ANYWAY-). 

romance is just something ive always preferred as a side dish to plot, bc i only tend to like it when it’s super well done, and ive never found any of it very realistic. this was actually pretty unfortunate for past me bc fun fact, i am a little bit of a hopeless romantic, and romcoms are my guilty pleasure. the problem is i also dont like any of them enough to care about them after ive satisfied my initial “i want to watch something cheesy and cute” urge. i’d seen a few other bl’s over the years but only bc i was bored or wanted to watch something gay, and none of them had ever stuck in my mind after i finished them. i actively avoided those fandom spaces so i definitely wasn’t keeping up with what was new. 

(now listen, i have very specific thoughts on bl itself, but im not gonna get into that here (and actually miscellar said yesterday that the bl difference between 2020 and 2022 is unrecognizable and that basically sums it up so i dont have to lmao <3)).

- and ep1 of bad buddy is pretty typical bl! i adore this about it tbh because i was completely unprepared for everything the show was about to pull. my initial reaction was that it was something fun to look forward to every week.

so then-

I dont!! i dont even know how to explain it! ive tried too many times!

but it really is That Bitch, and truly feels like something i’d been waiting my whole life to see. a romantic comedy that was incredibly realistic in the sense of being overwhelmingly human, and also overwhelmingly queer. it’s so effortlessly fucking funny, while simultaneously a very (very very very) layered and emotional story. i will sing its praises to the end of time. it is quite literally the most well crafted show i’ve ever seen, and every time i rewatch it, or go back and reread old meta, im reminded that im not insane believing that. it just literally is that good. it’s such a simple story done so. extremely. well. it’s so ordinary, and that makes it extraordinary, and that was the intention from the start.

but i also have to say, one of the best things about having this show, is getting to be apart of the amazing community i found here loving it alongside me. bc i avoid fandoms. i stick to the places and the people/mutuals i know. i drift through edit tags more than i follow individual blogs. i block people like lightning. i have always had anons and replies off and i enjoy my privacy!!!

and i have talked to more people and made more friends and have had more fun this past year than i ever have before on this site. 

it took me until after bb finished airing to start following people back, but by then i knew which blogs posted what and what i’d want to see more of on my dash - and there are still many many people im not following, or who arent following me, that i talk to! i love each of you so very much, and i want to do a couple special shoutouts, if thats okay. ♥️

SO, in no particular orderrrrrr:

@mrdumpling nuria you were the very first bl-centric blog to follow me, and as such gave me a little bit of a heart attack that day, because i knew you were a popular blog and i Was Not Ready For Attention lol. but im so glad you did! ik we don’t talk often, but i love lurking on your blog and following what you’re interested in, and most especially, sharing this show with you. to say your edits are beautiful is an understatement! i always love to see what you make!! 🧡

@actually-yikes SORA I MISS YOUUUUUU!!! 🌹 i love talking to you, i love bonding over warrior pran with you, i love the edits you make. i think you’re very funny and delightful. seriously. ...im kind of at a loss for words here bc you’re one of the blogs i went to the most while bb was airing, and the first person i followed after it ended. i really just think you’re wonderful, and idk how else to say it! ily!!!💕💕

@miscellar you have some of the best takes ive ever read, and you somehow seem to read my mind and write (in much better words than i ever could!) exactly what im feeling on so many different topics. i love reading your analysis, your criticism, and just in general whatever you have to say. you impress me very much tbh and im always a bit amazed whenever you talk to me. i love sharing meta with you! 💚

@pranparakul KATIIIEEE when you’re not on my dash i miss you. even if you’ve got posts in your queue ill be like 🥺 where’s katie? is she having a good day today? literally it doesnt matter what you post abt, bc your enthusiasm for whatever it is always makes me so happy. keep doing you <3♥️🌸💗💕💜🌸❣💗💜♥️💕

@snimeat GEI. okay we dont talk OFTEN but when we do we talk a LOT. your excitement is sooooooooooooo contagious and it always matches mine and i feel SO SEEN. i think your edits have such a mystical vibe to them...they always make me feel very wistful (in a very good way). luv u 💛

@pranpats Kit!!! your gifs are GORGEOUS. and you are one of the sweetest people on this site. you always say such lovely things in the tags, and i love occasionally coming to talk to you about gifmaking things. you are such a warm presence on my dash! 💜

and of COURSE @grapejuicegay - kk i think we speedran our friendship in the last 6 weeks. idk how we never really talked before, now that i know we were BOTH lurking on each other’s blogs this whole year. i don’t even know what to say that i haven’t already said in our dms. i fucking love talking to you. there are some people you just click with and im so glad you’re one of them. 💙💌💗💖💜💙💕💛♥️🌹💌💖💙💕

there are so many more of you i want to mention here!! and if you read this far please know im probably also thinking of you, and i want you all to know that i have loved every minute watching and sharing this show with you.

im constantly blown away by everyone’s kindness and how welcoming all of you are. this is truly my favorite place to be online. thank you for all the tags on my gifs and meta. thank you for being so warm.

im so happy this little show means as much to all of you as it does to me. happy one year everybody. 🎆🥂💚❤

[starlightshore]

barring the no mercy route being an influence in this case, how would you describe chara's personality? I cannot describe them well at all despite them being my favorite character. they're too complex lol. all of the meta i can find at this time as them described at both extremes of innocent & evil but i don't think that's accurate

TW: discussions of canon dark topics such as abuse , death and suicide

i love talking about chara, i've talked about them at length before lmao. thank u for giving me a chance to talk about my beloved child.

you can actually read a character exploration i'm doing in a mini-arc for Askfallenroyalty. actually, if you want one condensed post, this comic sums up chara's motives

My interpretation:

chara is an abused kid and suicidal kid*(1) who ran to mount ebott to die.*(2) upon learning that monsters are made of love and humans aren't*(3), chara began to hate humanity. the deltarune prophecy*(4) makes them to be The Angel despite being a human. Feeling undeserving of this title and obligated to fulfill it, Chara wanted to be a good kid more than anything.

But then the buttercup pie incident happened. They've accidentally*(5) poisoned asgore and came up with a plan to ensure the prophecy could be fulfilled and take a hit against humanity. Two birds with one stone -who cares if it's also a personal win too? then obviously the plan goes up in flames and they and asriel are murdered. then asgore wants to kill of all humanity.

your influence*(6) gets Chara onto a path of redemption or a path of destruction, mirroring the deltarune prophecy's two main interpretations.*(7)

in summery: chara is a scared kid trying to fit into a world that demands violence by the past actions of the previous generations. The war massacred monsters and locked them up with a kill-solution -ensuring that further violence would be needed to be free, thus continuing the cycle of violence.

chara is just a kid. they knit, they make macaroni art, they loved their family and had a best friend forever.* (8) but they're also vengeful, they cared so deeply for monsterkind they were ready to die and had no idea they'd be awake as a soul, they were prepared for death. they're complicated, you can't have one side without the other. while i’ve never wanted to murder anyone, i can still relate deeply to chara and see myself in them a lot. the tragedy of them -the fact they never really got a “happy ending” like everyone else just haunts me and it’s why I spend so much time making AFR. I just... love this character so much, i want this kid to be happy. (not that it could ever be easy to get there, happy endings aren’t free.)

And frankly, seeing this hurt kid get demonized just rubs me the wrong way, and it feels completely against the morals Undertale tries to tell with it’s story. I see it as a cautionary tale against violence and dehumanizing others for the sake of hate and violence. how kids can be influenced by the violence -or kindness around them. you don’t need to forgive the ones who hurt you, but killing them is not always the solution -though sometimes necessary as framed in the Undyne the Undying fight.

People get both Undertale’s themes and chara wrong the most, and for the game that’s meant the world to me it bothers me more than it should lol. It’s a Good Story, and I don’t mean to frame my interpretation of the character or themes as 100% canon and I know Mr.Fox’s brain to confirm it kinda deal, but with all the time I’ve spent analyzing and thinking it over I do think it’s not off in the general direction of it lol. And besides the author’s intent isn’t really the end-all-to-be-all. It’s what you get out of the story and the themes that matter and stick with you. No one can take that away from you.

Sources and evidence:

"* If you're cuter, monsters won't hit you as hard." -faded ribbion flavor text * "The ends of the tools have been filed down to make them safer." -gardening tools in New Home (and iirc Toriel's home as well, too lazy to double check rn) * Where are the knives. -no mercy chara (this and paired with the previous imply there are no sharp objects in reach of chara's home because chara can't be trusted with sharp objects out of self harm. This doesn't necessarily mean abuse but paired with them hating humanity so deeply, being suicidal and a child it paints a picture of abuse.

"* I know why (chara) climbed the mountain.* It wasn't for a very happy reason." -asriel post pacifist epilogue dialogue

"* Love, hope, compassion... * This is what people say monster SOULs are made of. * But the absolute nature of "SOUL" is unknown. * After all, humans have proven their SOULs don't need these things to exist." -Library book on monster souls)

* Legend has it, an 'angel' who has seen the surface will descend from above and bring us freedom. - gerson

"* It takes at least a human soul... * And a monster soul. * ...* If you want to go home... * You'll have to take his soul. * You'll have to kill ASGORE." -Alphys. Because boss monster souls are the exception and can persist after death for a short period of time, Chara could of killed any of the family members to escape the underground. this implies escaping wasn't the goal -it was to die (considering they already attempted suicide to fall underground the first time, this is explicitly suicide.) the plaque doesn't mention or speak like monster/human fusion's consumed soul would be aware. chara had no way of knowing they'd be awake. also the whole thing with the pie is a prank. cups of butter. -> buttercups. putting flowers in a pie is a joke to do, we see Chara is similar to Toriel (they mimic her speech in the no mercy monologue, they say “greetings” as she does like how Asriel says “howdy” like Flowey does. Chara makes puns and jokes in the flavor text all the time.

https://imgur.com/a/zP18P -dog food bag at different LV. "When the protagonist first encounters Mad Dummy, they are given the option to beat it up. Choosing to beat it up prompts one of three responses depending on the protagonist's LOVE." (source: undertale wiki)

If the protagonist’s LV is 1, the response becomes "(You tap the dummy with your fist.) (You feel bad.)"

If the protagonist's LV is between 2 and 4, the response becomes "(You hit the dummy lightly.) (You don't feel like you learned anything.)"

If the protagonist’s LV is between 5 and 7, the response becomes "(You sock the dummy.) (Who cares?)"

If the protagonist’s LV is 8 or higher, the response becomes "(You punch the dummy at full force.) (Feels good.)"" This implies Chara (who is the narrator) will feel different about the dog food -which references the classic phrase of "glass half empty/full" showing your out look in life. Then hitting the dummy show's Frisk's out look on violence depending on LV. Note that by the end of it, it's no longer "you feel..." but "feels good" This is Chara.

      7. “* Lately, the people have been  taking a bleaker outlook...* Callin' that winged circle the  'Angel of Death.' “ -gerson “* Only the fearless may proceed. * Brave ones, foolish ones. * Both walk not the middle road. “ -the first plaque in the first puzzle room with Toriel. The idea is to walk on both the left and right sides -you can’t go half way in the middle. this mirrors the “true” endings are only accomplished if you stick to no mercy or pacifist only.

     8. literally their home in New Home is a treasure trove of pre-game chara characterization.

[pixie-cocaine]

ATEEZ Reaction To: Their sick S.O. throwing up

Hello sunshine, I love your Ateez writings so much! Can I request an Ateez reaction to you waking up in the middle of the night being sick and you throw up?

Ohhh this is a good one, your mind. This is a non-gender specific one, so there’s there’s that, as well :)

Songs Listened To: My bird’s chirping

Hongjoong ♡:

• Snoozin woozin when he felt the bed shake as you struggled to throw the covers off of you

• In his post-sleep haze, he’d still be very concerned as to why you were so frantic

• “What’s wrong?”

• You wouldn’t be able to answer though, because, well, just as you hopped out of the bed and began to run to the open door...

• Blurghwaggbleghughagh 🤮

• Immediately rushed up to go steady you because gorl- you were HEAVING

• Holding onto that wall for dear life, eyes tearing up and everything. Yikies, here’s a glass of water or sum

• Tried scrubbing the vomit off your shirt, also went to fetch a wet rag and water

• “Fuck..,” You’d still be queasy, unconciously holding your stomach and staring down at the multi-colored puddle of your mushy dinner, trying not to look at Joong out of an odd sense of embarrasment, “I’m sorry… it got everywhere…”

• “Hey, hey, no一it’s not your fault at all, honey,” He’d frown and guide you back to bed

• Helped you change into different jammies and cleaned up with you, as well as got you a bucket

• Wouldn’t stop cuddling you and asking if you still felt gross ;(

Seonghwa ♡:

• You’d already felt your gut stirring when you went to bed, but you weren’t expecting to wake up in a cold sweat and experience the disgusting nausea that was happening in the same bed as Hwa

• You let out a pained whimper, head aching like it was being pounded on, and attempted to sit up

• You suceeded, but not without waking up Seonghwa

• He made a noise that you couldn’t quite register in the pain you were in, cuz damn you were trying your hardest to not pass out from the horrible headache-bordering-on-migraine

• “Mm… Baby…? Are you ok?”

• “I-… Ow..,” Was all you could get out. Your voice wavered, cracking, and the copious amounts of saliva that began to coat your mouth was a clear sign your stomach was readying to empty its contents, not to mention the lurching of your intestines

• The best word to describe it would be ‘agonizing’

• One second you were trying to slide the covers off you, the next, you were leant forward and throwing up all over the comforters and mattress

• It was literally horrible, dawg. Your throat felt like it was forcing itself open, and the yellow chunder that expelled from your mouth burned the inside lining of your trachea. You wanted to game end, maaan 😔🤙

• But it all turned out ok, because Hwa was there to help :))

• Acted fast after he got over his initial shock; bundled up the blankets and ushered you off the bed, gently pushing you towards the bathroom with a kiss to your forehead so you could go take a shower, and cleaned up the bed hella quick

• When you came back, he’d gave you a bunch of kitheth all over your face except your lips and slipped a hand under your shirt to gently rub/pat your tummy while you relaxed into his chest cuz he knew you still felt groggy (I’m gonna start crying, bro..)

Yunho ♡:

• Freaked the fuck out when you stumbled out of the bed and into the bathroom

• Though, since that bitch was sleep, it looked kinda like 😵 

• “____..?”

• Followed you haphazardly out of pure worry, and was like “Oh! 😧” when he saw you bent over the toilet and just adujadhbauidbuaqbduw into it

• The sounds also made him feel worse

• Nasty as hell, why do you sound like you’re throwing buckets of water into a kitty pool and burp right before it splashes

• Anyways

• It was hell for you :)

• While the ceramic of the toilet’s sides as well as the cold tile floor helped cool your feverish body and hands down, the smell of the water made your nausea worse. You could feel the sweat gather at your forehead as you banged your hand down on the lid out of strain and need to get bearings, gorl, you looked a literal mess

• You’re lucky Yunho doesn’t judge since he’s sweetness :D)

• Was genuinely really concerned; eyebrows knit in regard and a hand rubbing your back with each retch you made

• “It’s ok.. It’s ok,” He’d repeat, not really knowing any other way to comfort you

• When you were done, he’d kiss your temple and help wash your mouth out, praising you for getting to the bathroom in time and being so strong

• Scared puppy eyes the entire time [insert a crowd of awes]

Yeosang ♡:

• Had no idea what was going on when he opened his eyes upon the sound of your staggering footsteps in the hallway

• Then he heard you vomiting

• Was like ‘word? I know they did not just...’ and got up to peek his head out from the doorway

• Saw you bent over, only a couple feet from the bathroom, and holding onto the wall for dear life as you spewed ALL OVER the floor

• Couldn’t help but make a ‘😬’ face

• Like, you’re his baby, dawg

• He doesn’t wanna see you like that 😔

• Nervously laughed before moving over to step around the puddle, coming back with cleaning supplies, a cold rag, and a bucket

• “And here I was, telling you that you had a stomach bug and should get a bucket just in case”

• “I don’t need your bullshit right now, Yeosang,” You flipped him the bird but still smiled at his teasing, then cleaned up the mess with him 

• He’d tucked you into bed and put the rag on your forehead (kithed your eyelid for good luck UwU), and was about to roll over and go back to sleep when he realized the face you were making

• You looked kinda sad bro :(

• “What’s wrong?”

• “I feel kinda guilty. You were right, I should’ve gotten a bucket so I didn’t have our hallway all nast-”

• “I was just kidding, baby,” He grinned and put an arm above your head as he turned on his side to face you, caressing your cheek, “It wasn’t your fault. Plus, it was a... bonding moment?”

• “You literally got puke on your big toe, Yeosang-”

San ♡:

• When he felt the bed dip as you stood up from it, he cracked an eye open at first, but then he heard you gag and the sound of you spilling your fucking stomach out

• Shot up from his original position with wide eyes

• Now he was fully awake lol

• “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me..,” You said to yourself, wiping your mouth with the back of your sleeve and looking back at San with an expression that apologized before he could ask if you threw up

• “Did you...?”

• “Yeah.. Just go back to sleep, I’ll clean it up,” You didn’t give him time to reply before you already left the room to go get napkins and a cleaning agent

• In the end, he still helped with wiping it up :)

• Gave you some pepto bismol before you both laid down

• “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling bad... I could’ve gotten you medicine..”

• “WHY ARE YOU CRYING-”

Mingi ♡:

• Panicky ;(

• He was wondering where you were when he woke up because he was thirsty

• So on his way to the kitchen, he got his answer

• Bitch- you’re so loud and for what lmao

• I get it, I get it. You’re going through a horrible experience by literally regorging both stomach acid and everything you’ve eaten the day before, but like, why do you sound like you’re dying

• Shit, maybe you are, nvm

• Pushed the already ajar bathroom door open the rest of the way and got an unwanted eyefull of you hurling into the toilet bowl

• Bb was so worried about youuuu *sobs*

• Didn’t know what to do with himself for a sec, so he kinda just bounced in place and messed with his fingernails until he finally realised that it’d be helpful if he got you some medicine

• “I got you something for your stomach,” He stood beside you by the sink counter, where you were rinsing your mouth out, and held out the round pink tablets for you to sit on the surface of your tongue and wash down with some water

• “Thanks, babe,” You mustered a weak smile, ruffling his hair in adoration for the boy

• “Oh, you look like a zombie, ____!” 

• A crybaby

• Literally flung himself onto you and squeezed you half to death, nuzzling his cheek against your own and ready to cry for you when you put a hand on his chest and let out an exhausted groan

• “You’re gonna make me throw up again, Mingi...”

Wooyoung ♡:

• Omgomgomg it’s my favorite gang member 😍 

• Disqusted

• Was woken up by you shaking his shoulder

• “Huh...?”

• Sat up from his side, then saw the huge puddle of puke in the center of the covers

• Was like “Dawg.... I loved this comforter 😞,” and took a moment of silence to weep on the inside

• Then he clowned you about it :D

• “Ewww, dude!” He whined, pushing your arm slightly and looked towards you, a shit-eating grin on his face as he waited for your reaction

• “I can’t help it, asshole!” 

• You were ready to rip his head off lol

• The auDACity of this wench 🙄💅🏽

• Teased you, yet still helped clean everything up

• Two-faced ass

• Be’d make fun of the situation a lil bit, but he understands :)

Jongho ♡:

• Ah, he looks so soft in this gif UwU

• No judging from bb

• He understands you’re not feeling good, and that’s ok ;(

• So when he opens his eyes at the sound of you know, BLAKBURGHWHAGABLEGH 🤮, he’s already figured that you got sick

• You’re next to the bedroom door, holding onto the wall for leverage and clutching at your stomach, still shaking from the sudden action

• “Uh-oh, did you throw up?” He mumbles as he slides off the bed and makes his ways towards you, rubbing his eyes

• “Yeah...”

• “Go sit near the toilet for a bit just in case more comes, I can clean this up”

• You sigh and frown, appreciating the offer but not wanting your boyfriend to fix a mess that you made. Especially a gross one.

• “Jongho, you don’t have to...”

• He presses a kiss to your forehead and doesn’t answer, instead, placing his hands on your hips as he pushes you out the door and to the bathroom before heading to the kitchen

• “You don’t need to worry about me, just make sure you’re ok”

• The absolute sweetest ;((

[makeste]

not a cavalcade of Katsuki panels

damn, anon. you stone cold came for me with that last part. and just fyi to all onlookers, this was before I had posted the headcanons ask proving this exact point lmao.

but a challenge has been issued now! so I will do my best to pick a variety of impartial panels featuring a veritable medley of characters. not sure I can really provide much in the way of insightful analysis of symbolism and metaphors and stuff, but I can certainly type a lot of words about the pretty pictures, and about how cool people look when they’re standing around all serious surrounded by clouds of billowing smoke.

why I like it: I figured we’d start off strong. no point in holding back. can the other panels possibly even hope to compete. maybe. we’ll see.

why I like it: because, you see, he punched a giant robot, and it exploded. you see that, there? and the text was all “SMAASH” in humongous comic book letters, and it was pretty cool. also Deku is very tiny and the robot is very big. and just to clarify, most of the time if a tiny fifteen-year-old child tries to punch an 80-foot robot, it’s not actually going to go all that well, and the robot probably will not explode. but in this case it did! and so this is a very novel and unexpected outcome, which makes it all the more visually striking, which is a very good thing to be when you are trying to show off the brand new superpower which your protagonist just inherited, and letting people see it in action for the very first time.

why I like it: so you may have noticed we just skipped a whoooole bunch of chapters lol. this is because there are almost 300 of them, and so I’m going to have to use a bit of discretion. anyway so this is a gorgeous panel. just, everything about it. the lighting; the expressions; Shouto’s hesitation; and his mom facing away, not looking back yet, and us not yet knowing how she’ll react. and the fact that they’re visually separated by as much distance as possible -- at opposite ends of a two-page spread -- and yet they’re so close, closer than they’ve been in years. mm. anyway it’s pretty.

why I like it: first of all because there’s nothing like seeing a deserving character get punched in the fucking face, and few characters IMO have been as deserving as Stain. and second because this is Deku, showing up to save the day out of nowhere at the last minute, because excuse you, but he’s a motherfuckin’ hero. sorry to interrupt your evening plans of stabbing a kid while lecturing him about why, philosophically, he deserves to die. but I’ve got a package here for a Mister Stain. it’s from Mister Smaassh, with two A’s and three S’s.

why I like it: fyi, anon said nothing about a cavalcade of BakuDeku panels. you didn’t think I’d let that loophole go to waste, did you? but nonetheless I will try to restrain myself until we get to the second ground beta fight. anyway, I like this panel because All Might’s canonically 7′2″ self looks about twelve feet tall here, and he is just TOWERING over these two boys, who’ve been tasked with somehow outwitting him during this curiously sadistic final exam. and it’s just an interesting perspective, because we know they both look up to him, and here they are physically looking way, way up, up, up at him.

why I like it: now this is how you do a villain entrance. I love absolutely everything about this. the sheer scale of destruction, and the way he’s just sort of casually hanging out there in the middle of the panel almost dwarfed by all this dust and smoke and carnage, and yet is unquestionably the focus of the page. the way that you can’t actually see his face, not yet. not until the end of the chapter. the way the clouds are drifting so calmly and peacefully in the night sky in stark contrast to the horrific events that are about to take place on the ground. this panel gives me literal chills, especially when I think about All for One’s creepy theme music playing in the background.

why I like it: this panel is so iconic to me that it’s one of the first ones I immediately knew I had to go and find when I got this ask. this entire fight is perfection from start to finish, and there are other panels that are more artistically striking if I’m being honest (in particular, the ones where he’s half-transformed with his face perfectly split down the middle between Muscle Might and Skinny Steve). but there’s just something about his determination in this panel, though. something about the fire in his eyes, and the way he clenches his fist. “my heart is still the heart of the Symbol of Peace.” I remember being sooooo fucking anxious when his true form was revealed, wondering if this was it, if the people watching were going to turn on him, if he was going to lose both the fight and their faith. turns out I was wrong on both accounts. basically what I am trying to tell you guys is that this panel was and is still the most badass thing I’ve ever seen.

why I like it: because he’s just a frail old man doing what he can to protect the last flickering embers of the thing that enables him to fight on. there’s something so fucking desperate and yet so determined about this image. he knows it’s futile, but still he persists.

why I like it: damn it was hard to find a “you’re next” panel with just the right angle I like best. this is probably as close as it gets, but I kind of wish Deku was somehow visible in this image as well. but at any rate this is an amazing moment, and All Might is dramatic af for basically no reason but IT’S BADASS. “no I’m not going to actually look where I’m pointing. it’s cooler this way.” or was it because he wasn’t sure if he could keep the emotion off of his face if he actually turned and looked? in this moment of knowing that it was finally over for him, that he would never be the Symbol again, and knowing that he had no choice but to move on and entrust that burden to the next generation? damn.

why I like it: I... fucking... okay, here’s a fun fact. did you know that I still get emotional over this panel almost a full two years after reading it?? obviously a good 84% of it is the context -- All Might losing his power; Deku being forced to take up the mantle before he feels ready; All Might feeling responsible for him; and both of them being so desperately grateful to have each other in that moment. but don’t underestimate that remaining 16% either though! this is just an extremely well-drawn hug, on top of everything else. All Might pressing Deku’s head to his shoulder with his fingers laced in his hair is some mighty fine fiercely protective hug tropes there, you guys. and the way Deku is clinging to his shirt so tightly his knuckles have probably gone white?? while he cries?? while both of them cry? ON THE BEACH? WITH THE WAVES LAPPING SOFTLY AT THE SHORE IN THE PEACEFUL NIGHT AIR?? jesus fucking christ. this hug contains more emotions than I am capable of carrying inside me at once. I just sort of have to let them flow in and out little by little until they finally subside.

why I like it: you bet I skipped right from Kamino straight to Deku VS Kacchan Part 2. no regrets. anyway, so these two panels are an absolutely gorgeous one-two punch. so much has changed from the days when they were innocent little kids marching off into the woods to have adventures. they’ve changed. their relationship has changed. and yet, at the end of the day, Izuku is still willing to follow Katsuki even without being given any kind of explanation. and Katsuki still seeks out Izuku when he’s on the verge of having a spectacular emotional breakdown. because he doesn’t know who else to turn to. and because despite everything, there is trust there still, on some deep, fundamental level neither of them fully understands or knows how to acknowledge. anyway, so these two panels just give me a ton of feels all about the passage of time and how everything changes and how you can’t get back what’s lost, but also sometimes if you look deep enough you find that parts of it were never fully gone.

why I like it: because in a striking display of dramatic main character energy, these boys decided to stage their life-changing destiny-affirming rival fight on the coolest possible stage in the middle of the goddamn night. and then Katsuki made it even better by producing WAY MORE SMOKE than his attack by all rights should have produced! and then they went and crouched down all symmetrically so as to more poetically make intense eye contact at each other. I really like panels with smoke and/or dust clearing dramatically. there are like four more of them coming up on this list. what can I say. it’s cinematic.

why I like it: I actually had this one as my icon for a while. it’s rare imo to see an action panel that’s so balanced and has so much going on and is so clean and easy to read. both of their poses are so dynamic. I like the way the arc of Izuku’s kick is drawn, and I love the way you can clearly see that Katsuki propelled himself backwards with his quirk in order to dodge it. it’s just a really cool little panel that for me perfectly sums up the general feel of this fight, and its awesome choreography.

why I like it: actually you know what, before I go any further, let me skip ahead a bit and add three more panels with this same energy.

I just really, really love these rare moments when all differences between them are momentarily forgotten and they’re just two teenage boys caught up in the intense pressure of an awkward social situation. the one enemy neither of them is the least bit equipped to handle. anyways Horikoshi clearly enjoys it too because he seems to delight in drawing it over and over and over.

why I like it: because it’s more billowing smoke and dust. because it’s Endeavor, the guy we all swore we would never ever root for, and then 160 chapters later Horikoshi pulls this shit without an ounce of shame. because it’s All Might’s pose, but tweaked juuuuuust enough so that Enji can avoid copyright claims. because he knew that pose well enough to know which arm not to use. because Endeavor is a profoundly flawed human being, wholly incapable of filling the void All Might left behind. and yet he still tries. because it’s better than nothing, and because it’s all he can do. it’s the one thing he can do, his sole redeeming virtue. he tries. he doesn’t give up. anyway so yeah, Horikoshi didn’t have to take the single most unlikable person in the entire manga and give him the world’s most controversial and openly scorned redemption arc. but he did! and I think it’s one of the best things about this entire manga.

why I like it: because nothing in BnHA is just black and white!! it’s messy and layered and complex, just like in the real world. Shouto despised his dad for almost his entire life. with good reason! Enji was abusive and selfish and treated his son more like a prized possession than a person. we as readers are fully aware of all of this, and we sympathize with Shouto 100%, and that’s completely by design. Horikoshi is well aware of this. so for him to still give us this little moment, where Shouto is so relieved that Enji survived that he drops to the floor and presses his face against his hands in this little prayer gesture -- whatever you think it might mean -- is just so fucking powerful, and again speaks to his commitment to refusing to let anything in this series be completely clear-cut and unambiguous. I love that the characterization of Shouto and Natsu hating their dad exists side by side with the equally authentic characterization of them being terrified that they’re about to watch him die. because those two things aren’t contradictory! sometimes that’s just how it is. anyway so this is a beautiful moment of nuance that instantly adds so much to this relationship with just a single panel.

why I like it: for once the symbolism is so obvious that even I can’t fail to miss it! Izuku’s face half in light and half in shadow as he thinks about the power bestowed on him. “All for One’s power.” anyway so in my mind Izuku having AFO could not be any more fucking foreshadowed if he was wearing a freaking t-shirt with the Musketeers saying on it and the background was peppered with little Sistine Chapel-esque images of AFO giving his quirk to his brother lmao. but regardless of how it does end up playing out, this is nicely done.

why I like it: I wasn’t sure whether I should include this image, given that I just made a whole separate post about it a few days ago. but I just really like it, okay. this is one of the all-time great entrances in the series. Bakugou being perched on that pole for absolutely no reason other than to add visual interest. Todoroki’s hair blowing dramatically in the wind. Katsuki’s frayed pant hems and characteristically asymmetrical facial expression. the fact that you just know both of them spent the ride home with their faces pressed to the windows of their taxi cab hoping desperately for an opportunity to break in their brand new licenses, and then lo and behold. that’s amazing you guys. it’s almost like you’re main characters or something.

why I like it: they did great.

why I like it: because I lost my fucking shit at this fucking reveal and can you even blame me?? we knew coming in how much trouble Endeavor and Hawks had dealing with just one of these Noumus, and then Horikoshi goes and divulges that the villains have at least A DOZEN MORE waiting on standby. including Hood right there in the foreground, which is a fantastic touch! this panel, for me, almost instantaneously established the League as a legitimate threat once again, and gave me the kind of spine-tingly evil vibes I hadn’t felt since the Kamino arc. and while the payoff might not quite have lived up to my expectations, the Mirko fight at least was more than worth it.

why I like it: BILLOWING SMOKE AND DUST CLOUDS. you just see this vast landscape of destruction that Tomura has oh-so-casually wrought, and this once-powerful enemy utterly defeated on his hands and knees bowing before him. and it’s just like, oh. Tomura just became a fucking king, didn’t he. he finally stepped up and became the main villain. really the main villain, not just an awkward fumbling NEET whose adopted dad is not-so-secretly pulling all the strings. he did this himself. he went out and conquered and Awakened and won himself a fucking army. and he’s just standing there so cool and casual in the aftermath of it all. and then he goes “oh wait, you guys have money right, that means you can buy us the good sushi.” yes, Tomura. yes.

why I like it: um because this panel is fucking amazing?? hello?? do I really need to explain this one. the detail is jaw-dropping. he’s got the little scars which are either from the head wound that caused his death, or from his Noumufication. his expression is fucking heartbreaking, and the transition from Kumo to Kuro is so subtle and seamless, and yet it distinctly is both of them. this panel is gorgeous and fucking haunting and almost made me gasp when I first saw it.

why I like it: the decision to have the night sky take up so much of the space in the panel was [chef kiss]. nothing says existential like the night sky on a cold winter’s night.

why I like it: this is the best panel in the entire fucking series.

why I like it: dude. showing his actual family holding onto him with their hands in the same spot as the severed fashion!hands was a stroke of genius in and of itself. but combining that with the emotional tension of them desperately trying to hold him back and protect him from AFO?? that’s just so fucking smooth it’s almost inhuman. just how much meaning can you cram into a single image?? sometimes I wonder just how far in advance Horikoshi plans these things.

why I like it: guess I’m just a big fat sucker for panels of Tomura calmly standing around in the ruins of his own senseless destruction. the sense of scale on this one is really great, too. and yet again, those dust clouds. gotta love it.

why I like it: because Tomura literally appears out of nowhere, like he’s ripping a hole through the fabric of time and space. it’s so fucking sudden and he looks evil as FUCK, and Deku and Kacchan are totally caught off-guard, and it is scary. this is one of those panels that made me say “holy shit” out loud. in fact I practically screamed it. and the angles are all funky and weird, and the sky is all BLACK FOR NO REASON, and it really just feels like Tomura could reach right over and just MURDER THEM like it was nothing. just like that. this panel is so incredibly effective at conveying how hopelessly outclassed the boys are. they’re not even in his league, and it’s honestly terrifying.

and on that happy note, we have come to the end of my list of favorite panels! and I gotta say, it’s really gratifying that a good deal of them are from this year alone. I said it in another post a few days ago, but imo the overall quality of the series has been insanely high as of late, and it honestly just blows my mind whenever I stop to think about it. the art is still this good six years into the game. the story is still this good. we are spoiled goddammit.

[dyketectivecomics]

wait i wanna hear the conversation about how cass processes her anger

(its been so long since i made the original tag, but i hope you like this verifiable essay zaed lmao) (and uh, LONG POST warning for everyone else. this is a good 3k of Cited/Summed-Up Issues and Meta about Cass’ Batgirl run)

The reason why Cass processes differently from Bruce is because their traumas have different origin points and therefore have manifested differently. While Bruce’s vigilante drive is in avenging those who have been wronged and bringing villains to justice (bc of his perceived ‘failure’ to save his parents/bring Chill to justice), Cass’ drive is all about her absolution (bc of her continuous guilt for taking a life & later for any other person she feels she ‘failed’ along the way). That being said, while Cass herself is not a typically angry character, the anger that she displays throughout Batgirl (2000) usually has one of three origin points; the vindictiveness towards criminals that she’s learned from Bruce, her unresolved anger towards her father & mother, or the special cases, often where her inhibitions have been selectively lowered due to outside forces. Given that Cass is never given many healthy options to channel this anger, however, is how she ends up emulating Bruce, and is what makes exploring her anger so fascinating.

With that, let’s dive through the canon & Cass’ journey in Batgirl (2000).

I - Learning Vindictiveness

Again, all things considered, Cass isn’t an angry character at the start of her series! In issue #1, wordless as most of it is, there is a very telling moment when both she and Bruce are fighting together, and when she chases a goon into an alley. She watches while Bruce is a little overzealous in taking said goon out. For first-time Cass readers who may not have read NML, this can be a very telling moment. Cass has seen Bruce work. More than that, she’s seen him work in what’s likely one of the most stressful disasters to plague Gotham. But this is one of the first times that she’s really seeing him, and starting to pick up on how and why Bruce operates the way that he does. Admittedly, this is an undertone that I didn’t quite pick up on, during my first readthrough! But I mention it here bc I think it’s something to keep in mind. Because in #4, when Bruce makes his infamous “she’s perfect” speech, he specifically mentions how she ‘holds back’ even for criminals who he wouldn’t care if she was a little harsher with. I think that this is a big moment for Bruce, realizing how he excuses vindictiveness. However, he quickly backtracks on this when in #6, when Cass becomes so incensed (one of the first times we really see full-fledged anger from her) by seeing a criminal shooting arbitrarily that she stops his heart for a few seconds. And Bruce, hypocrite that he is, berates her for taking things a Step Too Far there.

Okay, might be getting a little harsh on Bruce, so in his defense, he doesn’t like the road he sees her heading down. At this point, he’s in denial of the Evidence that Cain has sent him so far that Cass has killed in the past. He’s fearful for what it might mean that he’s putting faith and trust in a potential killer (or rather is in flatout denial that Cass The Perfect Fighter could Ever Have Possibly Killed when she CLEARLY exhibits so much control. Killers must be all or nothing things, after all, right? Once one, aways one? (you’re absolutely wrong bruce but OKAY))

The point still remains, that Cass didn’t show vindictiveness on this level prior to issue #6. And more importantly, prior to Bruce showing her his own vengeful side. And the wildest thing about this… is that he continues to nurture and reward that vengefulness.

Issue #14 is a follow-up to a story where Cass had saved a man while out of costume, and Bruce learns that he had been killed regardless. Hoping to intercede before she finds out on her own, he leads Cass directly to the killers and allows her to punish (read: beat the crap out of) them for the man they killed. Now, there was some significant lead-up to this issue, the biggest shake-up also being that Cass is officially moved out of the Clocktower and into her own Cave. (Promotion or Isolation, it’s tough to speculate which exactly Bruce had in mind, given Cass’ behavior leading to this moment. None of it, I would label as quite angry, however. More... moderately rebellious.) So this can be seen as a kind of turning point where Bruce is explicitly putting faith in her again. 

From here we begin to see more and more instances of children being put in danger & Cass being more vindictive in turn. Most especially in #16 (when Cass realizes the mastermind behind a heist is the father of the boy who sent her after them & she’s harsher with him than with many of the other crooks), and #18 (where she and Tim team up and she breaks a kidnapper’s hands when he threatened to kill the girl he had hostage). By this point in the series, Cass has also been working more consistently with others, and it’s easy to see how this has become a learned behavior, and a poor outlet for her growing anger towards the criminal element.

Cass, for all of her heart and training that she’s poured into her vigilantism, at this point in the series had been working towards one goal, to be ready to die by Shiva’s hands. Now, I want to put  a pin in Shiva since she comes more into play in Part II, but just know that their fight in #25 was a turning point for Cass’ character, where she begins to care much more about the work Bruce does outside of simply fighting criminals, she begins to care about truly helping victims and for solving cases.

#34, specifically, opens with Cass and Bruce investigating a crime scene, where Cass can tell that a child was hurt. She asks Bruce to allow her to help solve it, but he benches her, telling her she’s ‘not ready’ for detective work. The rest of the issue is interspersed with Cass training until her knuckles are bleeding, and does end with her helping Bruce take down the group responsible! When Bruce asks at the end, however, if putting away One Killer is enough for her, she responds ‘No’, and Bruce expresses his pride in that declaration.

For a long time by this point in the run and for quite a time after, Bruce has absolutely been molding Cass more and more into the same type of vigilante that he is. And Cass is perfectly fine with that! She sees Batman as something to aspire to, the symbol as something transformative and redemptive. And as long as she is channeling the anger that she feels at those who so clearly deserve that punishment, then she must be doing something right.

Because there certainly aren’t other outlets or alternatives that could be productive… could there?

II - Dad/Mom Issues

Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive is an extremely notable story arc, not only for the crossover event that it became, but for the impact and repercussions that it would have for Cass. While not expressing anger, per se, during this arc, Cass does show a lot of frustration towards both Dick and Barbara whenever they suggest theories of how/why Bruce may have actually committed the murder (which, spoiler, he was indeed framed for! By Cain, no less!). This is important to note because this arc highlights a few things; the faith and trust that Cass has put into Bruce that she’s willing to go to bat for him, the jealousy & proprietary nature that Cain displays over Cass, and finally the consequences that are had when that jealousy comes to light.

Another case opens up after this arc, and Cass is forced to confront Cain in #33 in an effort to gather intel on the criminal known as Alpha. When she goes in under the guise of a reporter and tries to interrogate him, she’s overcome with unresolved anger towards Cain, yelling “Who do you think you are?” and even breaking through the glass to get to him. This isn’t the first, nor the last time that Cass’ anger towards Cain is on display, but it’s certainly a prominent one, as while she makes physically aggressive moves towards him (and yeah, initially kicks him when breaking through the glass), she never outright lays a hand on him otherwise in this one. Threatens him, sure, but shows remarkable restraint given the high emotions. 

Cass’ feelings about Cain and about the events of Murderer/Fugitive aren’t ever fully articulated, but given #37, I think we can draw some more definitive conclusions. This issue follows the thread given previously in #33, opening with Cain sending Cass a knife for her birthday. With it, she finally connects the dots that Cain is indeed her biological father, something that was speculated, but not fully confirmed before now. In her anger against everything he’s done to her, they close this issue with a rather dramatic shot of her doing everything possible to destroy the knife, leaving it unclear if she’s truly successful, however.

In later issues when Cass reminisces on her past and on those who have influenced her, Cain is always one of the shadows included. Unfortunate as it is, Cain will always be part of who Cass was, but from this point on in her series, she starts to let some of that anger go. Cain doesn’t decide her future. She does.

Juxtapose this idea, however, much later in #65, when Cass begins to suspect who her mother might be, but wants confirmation. This is what kicks off the final arc of her series, and effectively brings one of the longer running storylines to a close. Cass goes to Gotham to ask Bruce, who also has had his suspicions, but can’t confirm that Shiva is her mom. Since Cass is in town, she goes to train with Onyx (another former assassin-turned vigilante), and whether she’s doing it on purpose or because Shiva is on her mind, she begins to incorporate Shiva’s moves into her fighting, which Onyx points out. All this comes to a head when she confronts Cain for an answer, which he refuses (and we finally see her fully beat his ass lmao). Once again, she doesn’t express anger with Bruce or take out her frustrations on Onyx, but instead levels the blame entirely on Cain, and uses him as an outlet once she’s reached a breaking point. 

Another moment to point out is in #67, when the Birds of Prey help Cass along in tracking down Shiva, and when Cass and Dinah train in the meantime. Dinah shows off her new moves (Shiva’s moves) to Cass, and Cass reacts badly, nearly choking Dinah out as she demands to know how Dinah learned those moves. She learns that Shiva’s been looking for a student/heir, and later on that she’s been working with the League of Assassins to help her to that end. I feel this moment highlights a growing trend, that feelings left bottled up will eventually spill over if they’re not properly acknowledged. Would Cass have otherwise reacted so poorly to Dinah showing her ‘new moves’ otherwise? But I digress.

Given that their first confrontation was in this same vein, of Shiva looking for one to either end her reign or take over her legacy, it’s kind of poetic for them to end on this note. The series concludes with Cass facing off against Shiva for the last time, Cass the unmitigated victor, with nothing left to prove to either of her parents or to herself. She’s finally at peace with her past, and that leaves her present a wide open mystery.

This, however, brings us to a topic that still bears exploration...

III - The Edge™

Because no matter how much Cass is able to hold back, even in her quest for justice. No matter the anger that she feels towards her parents. I would be remiss if I didn’t bring up the times that Cass has been pushed back to the worst possible edges.

The first, and most prominent of which, occurs in #15, when Cass is hit by a machine that causes her to hallucinate the Joker killing Bruce. The entire purpose of the machine was to push people into ‘deciding’ to kill others, and for most it would knock them out for a few minutes/hour before they would wake up and be compelled to commit a killing spree. For Cass, it was a matter of seconds that she ran through the scenario presented by her subconscious, and to make that ‘decision’. Cass is introspective at the end of the issue, and her concern for Bruce is made very clear. Her emotions towards that ‘decision’ however… is a lot less understood.

Now another issue I want to bring up is #19, a lot less for it being an issue where Cass’ outright anger is employed, but as another extreme case with high emotions. Cass hears that a man has been sentenced to die, and, believing that all life should be spared, actually goes to the trouble of breaking through the chamber where he’s being held and stops the process in its tracks. She truly does want to believe that anyone can be redeemed, and it’s an admirable part of her character. Ultimately, her efforts are for naught, the man is still sentenced to die and Cass is now forced to contend with a system she does not agree with. It’s an interesting idea to explore and highlights her idealism, but ultimately it’s not as fully understood or even really acknowledged, in my opinion, by the fandom at large. (Which is why I wish I had highlighted it in my previous meta, but I’m getting off topic again.)

Recalling that her ‘Perfect Year’ occurs during this next example, in #21 she almost kills the villain Shadowthief in her preparation for her first deathmatch with Shiva, and immediately regrets the lapse in judgement when she realizes what she had done. Stephanie was luckily nearby to help her resuscitate him, but it was nonetheless a very telling moment and lapse. It’s a harrowing reminder of what Cass IS capable of. Though she’s been preparing and training for a fight to the death, she’s still absolutely abhorred by the thought of taking another life. She’s not angry during this battle, she’s more playful than she’s been in a lot of issues leading up to this, actually. But the point remains, Cass will always be capable of taking another life, what she lacks is the willingness to knowingly do so, and now will always have a fear of the possibility.

With that we circle back around to two of the drug-induced cases, first in #46 where Cass accidentally ingests Soul. The stream of consciousness that materializes on the pages, shows that she HAS picked up on everything that everyone around her feels/sees in her, and that she’s internalized it to some degree. Cass does manage to fight through most of it and held her own against the drug runners she was fighting. Something to note, though, is that this incident is preceded by Cass learning that Babs and Dick are once again at odds, so once Babs sends Dick to check up on Cass, she responds (still in that drug-induced state mind you) by kicking Dick out a window on Babs’ behalf. Given that Cass has no previous history of turning on allies, (& won’t again until the incident with Dinah much later) even when frustrated or in disagreement with them, this moment certainly needs to be kept very carefully in context.

Following this issue, we see a slight personality change from Cass, where she’s becoming more reckless and frustrated. In #48 this culminates in her ignoring both Babs and Bruce’s calls, she ends up comprising his human trafficking investigation, and Bruce grounds her from being Batgirl in the meantime. #49 shows her going against Bruce’s wishes and operating in Babs’ old suit, something that angers Bruce when he discovers this.

This story arc finds its conclusion in #50, where both Cass and Bruce are gassed with Soul and they fight a pretty brutal battle while under its effects. They have their famous heart to heart after, where Bruce asks ‘once and for all’ where Cassandra’s loyalties lie. Bruce later posits that this fight was the ‘therapy’ that Cass needed bc “what other therapy will she understand?”. 

While his heart may have been in the right place, this idea, that Cass can only respond to fighting and express herself through violence, is ultimately not a very healthy one. Cass’ default is already training and fighting, so any further strain that she puts on herself becomes something more akin to self-flagellation than anything near to a proper coping mechanism.

IV - Conclusion

And that’s where the parallel between Cass and Bruce really reaches an uncanny similarity for me. Because they pour everything they can into the mission, often to the detriment of their mental and emotional health. While Bruce’s degrees of self-awareness for his anger may vary by writer, Cass’ is fairly consistent across her Batgirl run. The outlets given to her were so few to begin with, and any effort to examine her emotions or to express herself through other outlets is… simply not given to her for all too long over the course of her series. It’s a rather tragic, and ultimately heartbreaking thing, because so soon after her series ends… DC seemed to decide the best thing to do with her, was to turn her into a villain.

I said at the beginning that Cass is not a naturally angry character, but it does need to be acknowledged that she’s absolutely capable of anger, and that that anger is often not expressed in the healthiest of ways. Whether this development is seen and acknowledged by the fandom at large, however, well… while that’s looking less and less likely by mainstream batfam stans, I am hopeful that Cass fans continue to highlight this aspect of her character in the content they create. And that I, too, can remember to acknowledge this in future fan content that I make as well.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ruby & Cosmo

Ruby: Dying to know is every date colour coded? ❤️

Cosmo: Oh, God 😅 How unintentionally cringe

Cosmo: That sums up how well it went, sadly

Ruby: the quick reply had me thinking you were back early or answering in the middle of dinner

Cosmo: 🤫

Cosmo: I’d never!

Cosmo: It was a favour and I think that showed

Cosmo: She’s my cousin’s friend and just got dumped, sweet girl but perhaps not ready to be great company

Ruby: explains the 🌹

Cosmo: Not very personal or too basic?

Ruby: a nice try if it was your first date ever but I know it’s not

Cosmo: Thank God I didn’t get another bouquet 😏

Cosmo: They weren’t buy one get one free though, before you say

Ruby: they looked expensive

Ruby: she would’ve felt guilty throwing them back in your face

Cosmo: I told you I weren’t texting under the table, why would she need to?

Ruby: you told me why, they’re impersonal & basic

Ruby: & heartbreak makes you unhinged

Cosmo: I wouldn’t call her unhinged

Cosmo: at least not to her face, right

Ruby: 😅

Ruby: or your cousin’s

Ruby: Are you staying out in town or going home to change?

Cosmo: I don’t fancy showing up in the club in this

Cosmo: never mind hearing what my friends would have to say

Cosmo: What are you up to?

Ruby: the VIP area has seen worse, you don’t look like you raided the Gucci sale rail, eyes closed

Ruby: & your friends have worn worse, but I won’t say it to their faces

Ruby: I’m waiting for my own friends to be done making their own questionable outfit choices as usual

Cosmo: Careful, that was almost a compliment and not just a drag of the lads

Cosmo: not undeserved on their end but what did I do to make you decide to be nice to me?

Cosmo: besides entertain you with my dating woes whilst they redo their makeup, again

Ruby: You know how to dress, it’s a fact

Ruby: & I didn’t decide to be nice, it just happened

Cosmo: Not that you’re not usually nice in general

Cosmo: but here I am, feeling special, like 💖🤩

Cosmo: It’s also a fact, though not an impressive one, that I’m not lame enough to go in for that negging bullshit, so whatever I end up doing, calling you a bitch ain’t on the agenda

Ruby: there you were down in the dumps about your disaster date, I thought I’d try to help

Ruby: I wouldn’t, it only works for Mason when everyone’s too busy watching his feet move to care about his mouth & that’s not the audience you’ve got atm

Cosmo: I think I’ll survive

Cosmo: but I appreciate it

Cosmo: I’ve seen him get in trouble for his mouth plenty of times on the pitch

Cosmo: but referees aren’t ones to be sweet-talked so…

Ruby: your expensive roses are wasted on them 🥀

Cosmo: That is the real tragedy 💔

Cosmo: I reckon 🍷 could work on your dad though, whaddya think?

Ruby: aren’t we beyond bribes? I thought we were

Cosmo: You don’t have to go up for contract renewals

Cosmo: but I was joking, so don’t tell him he’s on a promise there

Ruby: oh yeah, it’s a joke you being worried you won’t get renewed

Ruby: he doesn’t shut up about you after a few 🍷’s with your dad

Cosmo: Sorry you’ve had to witness/hear that

Cosmo: can’t help my case

Ruby: it wouldn’t be realistic to entertain you or let you entertain me if he wasn’t on board

Cosmo: No?

Ruby: secrecy & sneaking around would be impossible unless we could both drop what we were doing at a moment’s notice, which we can’t

Cosmo: True

Cosmo: Neither of us has the time for that

Ruby: or the anonymity

Cosmo: You aren’t wrong

Ruby: 💖🤩 back at me?

Ruby: you’re being agreeable, above & beyond the Sunday roast standard you set when everyone was listening in

Cosmo: Agreeable from you I can take

Cosmo: I didn’t know any of you guys were going to be there, so if I wasn’t on top form

Cosmo: I’d love to have a second chance to do it better, of course

Cosmo: Somewhere more exciting than family dinner

Cosmo: and no impersonal and basic 🌹s

Ruby: I’d love to skip the club tonight, it stopped being exciting forever ago

Ruby: there’s your chance

Cosmo: Alright

Cosmo: I’ll make something happen and I’ll send you the place and the dress code

Ruby: pastel colours wash me out

Cosmo: What kind of place would be pastels only? 🤔

Ruby: [name drop somewhere boujee that you’ve been probably with your mum and godmother lol]

Ruby: you wasted the ❤️ on the wrong girl 💔

Cosmo: She wasn’t wearing red

Ruby: it was never going to work out

Cosmo: That might be for the best

Ruby: tbd

Ruby: but I’m not feeling like I’ll cry or talk about any of my exes so it’ll be better for you

Cosmo: And for you

Cosmo: not that you’re letting me be impressive with a bar that low but you know

Ruby: you’ll get over or under it if you want to

Cosmo: If I couldn’t rise to the occasion your dad definitely wouldn’t stand for it

Ruby: I won’t either

Cosmo: tbd

Cosmo: I heard

Ruby: another girl has beat me to denying you everything, I have no choice but to switch it up to keep things interesting

Cosmo: Has hard-to-get worked since the days of negging?

Cosmo: You’ve got all the choices, and no need to play any sort of game with me

Cosmo: Let’s have a good time

Ruby: it might have worked for people who want a different reputation than I do

Ruby: that’d wash me out too, the whole projection of intense cold bitch energy

Ruby: a good time is more doable

Cosmo: It wouldn’t get you very far, I understand

Cosmo: We all have to be some type of way to get to where we need to be

Ruby: yeah & talent has to be backed up with 😁✨

Cosmo: A winning personality, of course

Ruby: if I don’t have that both of my parents & coach are going to lose it, definitely

Cosmo: Well, you don’t need to worry about that, from my perspective

Ruby: from my POV neither of us will be worrying until the alarm wakes us early tomorrow & it’ll be too late to stress it by then

Ruby: the good time’ll have already happened

Cosmo: I’ll drink to that

Cosmo: [something that’s between the restaurant moment we just took Savannah to and the normal clubs they would go to, idk what that would look like, like a club that’s a bit sassier than the beyond standard ones footballers and WAGs would hang in]

Cosmo: but I won’t start without you, like

Ruby: not counting the 🍷 if the 🍝 soaked it up

Ruby: but what do you want me to wear? 🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎

Cosmo: ❤️ off the table then

Ruby: the bar hasn’t fallen through the floor, I’m not okaying you wearing the outfit you chose for her & me dressing to match it

Cosmo: 😅 I’ve gone home but alright

Cosmo: I want to see what you come up with, actually

Cosmo: I’ll show you I’ve got better than the jumper, don’t worry

Ruby: I’ll do better than a roast with the fam, talk about a low bar

Cosmo: I think you’re probably incapable of looking bad

Ruby: try keeping me up all night & you’ll see

Cosmo: I won’t be the first or the last to show up to practice feeling less than 💯 … are all the other ice skaters perfect 😇s?

Ruby: I’m not giving any details of who isn’t, you’re a date down tonight as is, I’m not getting ditched for someone even more 😈

Cosmo: About how that looks

Cosmo: ‘cos I know

Cosmo: We aren’t going to post anything are we?

Cosmo: I’m not looking to add to the poor girl’s 💔 and I know it’s a dick move to not even wait ‘til tomorrow

Ruby: 📵

Ruby: getting into a fight with your cousin over me is even more Romeo & Juliet than sneaking around behind my dad’s back, we all know how it ended

Ruby: drama in the routine is fine but off the ice it’s not cute

Cosmo: Drama on the pitch depends how you feel about diving

Cosmo: but I appreciate that

Ruby: how I feel about diving depends how much my brother has got to me & I want to get him back for it

Cosmo: 🟥 or 🟨 depending on the day

Ruby: 🟥 usually

Cosmo: I feel that

Cosmo: about my own, usually, not necessarily yours but I can see the how and why there too

Ruby: yours made an impression, not at all good

Cosmo: That’s his speciality

Ruby: 😬 brothers bring the mood down when they’re ours

Cosmo: Neither of them’s invited

Ruby: it’ll make a change not to see mine out

Cosmo: That’s unlucky

Ruby: but you’re on to a winner with the location, congrats

Cosmo: I had a good feeling

Ruby: I’ve got one too

Cosmo: 💖🤩

Ruby: a compliment to last until I get there

Cosmo: tbd 👋

Ruby: ❤️

Cosmo: [so obviously this night is gonna go better than the awkward date, though that’s not hard soz Savannah, but also a step above the standard club moment of every weekend hence we stay out longer than we usually do when we’ve got an early start tomorrow]

Ruby: [and equally as obviously if you found enough to talk about when you were around all your annoying relatives for that roast I’m not worried about you struggling for a convo tonight, you’re both cute and have things in common and there’s clearly a vibe]

Cosmo: [I don’t think anything needs to happen tonight but it’s obvious you like each other ‘cos you could both be bothered to show and do this]

Ruby: [agreed it feels legit to who you both are and your priorities to wanna take things a bit slower than that, like it’s clearly unlike her already to do this when you were literally on a date earlier and staying out later than planned is also something neither of you do a lot so]

Cosmo: [yes, we’re not that kind of boy, not saying you’ve never slept with anyone obvs lmao but we’re not a different gal every weekend energy at all]

Ruby: [likewise neither calling this gal a nun or a slag but I doubt she's been out with that many people cos of a) her busy schedule and b) the lowkey famous dad and brother thing that would make some lads wanna try it on for that reason]

Cosmo: [exactly dr phil, you wanna skip to the AM of it all?]

Ruby: [absolutely boo]

Cosmo: 🟥 or 🟨 for keeping you out past your bedtime then?

Ruby: Are you willing to take credit or am I blaming a messy friend’s man troubles?

Cosmo: That depends

Cosmo: we would have to find a friend we’d mutually not mind throwing under the bus and I’m not sure if my brain is capable rn

Ruby: it wouldn’t be taxing to mine to think up someone believable, if you’re keen to show up to my door with 💐 & fool my dad that it’s the first move you’ve made

Ruby: for rep’s sake

Cosmo: The 💔 is all around

Cosmo: a hangover will have you feeling that way

Cosmo: are YOU keen for me to show up at your door with 💐s, that’s the real question here

Ruby: I’ll start getting hangovers when I’m old, it’s a scare tactic before, not a real thing

Ruby: impressing my dad doesn’t necessarily impress me

Cosmo: 😂

Cosmo: That’s alright, I already have impressed him, so it’s definitely not my intention here

Ruby: let’s hear what your intentions are

Cosmo: Now you’re bragging about how un-hungover you are

Cosmo: How about you let me set up a second date and we can talk about it then?

Ruby: a brag would have a selfie attached, I was reassuring you I’m not suffering mild alcohol poisoning like most of our friends

Ruby: a second date for when?

Cosmo: I’m pleased to hear it

Cosmo: it doesn’t make for a pretty sight

Cosmo: [pisstakey shot of some of the lads dying in the changing room or wherever like ew lol]

Cosmo: Send me your calendar and I’ll see?

Ruby: 😬 lovely [but send him something similar of the girls obvs and then your calendar of course, I’m cackling because what if the only time they can both do is tonight so that looks really extra when you’re both not]

Cosmo: They’d kill us for that 😏

Cosmo: [we so could, lmao okay]

Cosmo: Well, it looks like either we double down and go for tonight or we give it a rain check and see in a couple weeks 🤔

Ruby: tonight works for me but it’s you who’d be doing the work to think of somewhere else with wow factor

Cosmo: Undefeated with two wins sounds a lot better than one

Ruby: yeah & I don’t want to talk about weeks on the bench

Cosmo: Be a bit of a dirty tactic to put the blame on you for not going out with me tonight if I get benched but

Cosmo: If it works I’m not above it

Cosmo: So, what kind of place are you looking to avoid tonight?

Ruby: do we need to avoid anywhere or flash photography? your cousin & the girl they forced you to date can’t stay mad forever

Cosmo: No, we don’t have to

Ruby: 💖🤩

Cosmo: Understood

Cosmo: I’ll get back to you

Ruby: 🚫🍷🥃🍸🍹 can be tonight’s rule if you need a break

Cosmo: I don’t

Cosmo: I just needed to know what you want to do, and now I do and I’m thinking

Ruby: I know you don’t need it to have or be fun, me either hopefully

Cosmo: I think you’re fun

Cosmo: and it’s definitely tragic if you have to rely on something like that, that’s not me

Ruby: it’s nobody I know or would count as worth knowing

Cosmo: Totally

Cosmo: Okay, I’m going on the pitch, send you deets later

Ruby: don’t mess up or I’m going to cancel tonight & I don’t want to so that’ll be us both in bad moods 😘

[arrivalation]

2020: An Account

This year has been a nonstop, off-the-rails bullet train ride into what looked at first like chaos, but ultimately was a tearing down and reconstruction of my entire being. Because I know myself and I know I won’t remember much of this later, I’m recording it here. It’s hard to put some of this information out, but the universe regularly urges me to be more open. So here I go.

January

I got married.

It was, without contest, the absolute best day of my life. I’ve known since I was real little that I wanted to be married, that I wanted to be loved the way M loves me and to love someone just as much. I don’t know how to explain the feeling of having achieved that, and being able to share that with my entire circle. @abyssalsun​ made it down!! (my only regret is that @ladyoriza​ couldn’t make it, but I’m still so glad we got to make it to theirs). As often as I can, I revisit the memory of going to @chromecutie​’s house afterward, thinking it’d just be the four of us there, and opening the door to find a whole impromptu surprise party happening. Everyone cheered for us when we came in. I played CAH with Mordred, my brother and his wife, and several friends from out of town. By all accounts, these people would never have been in the same room together, but they were, and it was transcendent. It’s been almost a year, and I still haven’t recovered from all the planning and stress; but now that I’m past it, I can say with relief that it was 100% worth it.

February

We bought a house.

Up until this point, I’d been planning a wedding, participating in house-buying stuff as best I could, interviewing for a job I ended up not taking, and dealing with life-long mental illness that was festering and reaching critical mass. But then stuff started wrapping up. The wedding happened. The house was ours. We moved in. I could finally fucking breathe. LMAO bitch you thought.

March

The pandemic reached us.

I guess by this point it had probably already been in the US for a couple months, idr. But it wasn’t until March that things really started happening. People started dying in droves. New cases spread like wildfire. I remember thinking that this would be the zombie apocalypse, because at this point, I don’t think the CDC knew much about the virus. In my anxious mind, that was a completely reasonable assumption. My boss had us all start working from home. We all thought it’d be just a couple weeks.

April

I settled into working from home.

It didn’t take me long to get used to it, maybe a week. I hadn’t yet gotten used to my new hour-long commute from the new house to work, and so working from home quickly became my new normal. But I didn’t know yet why working from home was so good for me. All I knew was that I now had the brain-space to process things. I had the energy to do yoga and cook and do hobbies, and the time to appreciate and care for the home I lived in. I could think more clearly because there was no one else around to distract me. There was sunlight I could bask in. I felt human for once, and that became vitally important and infinitely valuable to me. Despite that, I still struggled with extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and some of the worst depression I’ve suffered through since I was a teenager. Outside my house, everything was a fucking mess and no one had their shit together.

May

I went back to the office for a few weeks.

There was a lull in pandemic activity. My boss had us all start coming back to the office again. At this point, I couldn’t make heads or tails of reality anymore. Everything was changing, nothing was stable. I desperately needed to stay working from home, because that was the one thing that felt Good and Right, but I had no real argument other than, 'I just need to.' So imagine me, at this point a soggy, run-over sloppy joe, attempting to return to normal. As you might think, it was... bad. I cried and hurt all the time. I think I really freaked out my boss with the way I reacted to coming back to the office. But then the second wave hit, and we all went back to working from home again.

June

Uncle Mike died on the first day of the month.

My uncle had been sick for a while, but no one was expecting him to die so suddenly. None of us were ready for it.

I also died that day.

It might sound dramatic, but I mean it quite literally and honestly. Over the years, I had gained suspicion that I was on the autism spectrum. M graciously found me a psychiatrist that took my insurance (and happened to be right next door). I wasn’t even going in for that - I was seeking treatment for my anxiety and depression. But I had amassed a (very long) list of my symptoms, and I brought it with me and read it to my doctor. I wasn’t even a quarter of the way through the list when he stopped me. I’m paraphrasing here, but in effect, he said, “No, yeah, you’re definitely autistic.”

I remember the way my body felt. Like someone had detonated a bundle of TNT in my chest, and I was burning from the inside out. At the time, I didn’t realize this emotional immolation was purposeful and executed by the universe to get rid of this old structure and build a newer, better, stronger one. For about fifteen seconds after he said that, I was relieved that it had been that easy, that there was an explanation for everything that my ADHD didn’t explain. It made a ton of sense why my environment was so important to me. And then I felt something unnameable. It was obvious to my doctor that I was autistic. Had it been obvious to everyone else? Why hadn’t it been obvious to me? I read the rest of my symptoms to him in a daze. I don’t remember how the rest of the appointment went.

And then I burned quietly and ungracefully until I was a pile of ashes. I didn’t know this at the time, but apparently it’s common for newly-diagnosed autistic people to have such dramatic and painful reactions, especially if they weren’t well-informed on the condition. Which I wasn’t.

I started therapy.

I also started learning about my “flavor” of autism. It was arduous, embarrassing, isolating, and ugly. I became aware that I had been masking my whole life, and I was astounded by just how often I did so. What really crushed me was knowing that I’d always have to mask to protect myself. I also became hyper-aware of the things that made me Feel Bad. Inexplicably, I stopped being able to react to those things the way I used to. Previously, if something made a loud and unexpected sound, I would suppress my reaction, because it’s not cool to get mad about it. But I found I couldn’t do that anymore. I had no choice but to react the way I needed to react. I realize now that this was to make me aware of what things make me feel a certain way so I can either avoid them or learn better tools to deal with them.

The therapist I saw wasn’t specialized in autism, and she wasn’t any help in that area, but she did teach me some important things. Like, “Is it reasonable for me to feel ____?”

July

Black hole.

I don’t remember a whole lot from this month, except sifting my own ashes through my fingers and crying. Every day brought a new revelation, a new thing that clicked. All of it was helpful and very painful. My psychiatrist recommended medication, but I’d had a bad and long-lasting experience with medication as a teenager, so I suffered through the pain on my own.

I shouldn’t have. I got so low I didn’t want to be alive anymore. But I think it took reaching the bottom and feeling that much pain for me to get over my fear of pharmaceuticals. 

I got into astrology.

I had been interested in it for most of my life, but it wasn’t until this point that I started studying it in depth. I discovered it was a language that I could use to translate so many things about my own life that I didn’t understand. It was a rulebook in a time when I desperately needed rules - but one just flexible enough that it taught me how to stop thinking in binary.

August

I got medicated.

There was a big adjustment period, of course. It didn’t cure me. But it did start to make things easier. And it helped to know that, even if I didn’t believe it at the time, I deserved to rest. I deserved not to feel so much emotional pain all the time.

I turned 30.

It was easily the second best day of my life. I learned a lot of important things, like that it’s important to be present, that I’m seen and loved (just the way I am!!), and that I deserve good things. M planned a whole day of surprises:

I woke up at my leisure and we had coffee on the couch. He got me a cute card with one of our inside jokes inside - I still have it.

We went to our favorite combination lunch place and bakery, which I believe was our first real outing since the pandemic started.

We stopped by a tattoo place. I almost got a tattoo.

He set me loose in Texas Art Supply.

We got dim sum for dinner.

We had a lovely virtual cocktail hour with @chromecutie.

He bought me an ipad!!

I became Spiritual™.

I had been agnostic for the past decade or so, slowly and subtly slipping into nihilism, without realizing how detrimental those ideas were to me. I’m not sure what I thought spirituality was before, but I wasn’t into it. I had always rolled my eyes at people who talked about “a higher power”, auras, and spirit guides, until I became that person.

My psychiatrist introduced some powerful ideas to me, ones that meshed well with my previously-existing idea of how the universe worked. I won’t get into details here. That’s a whole other post. Ask me though - I’d love to talk about it.

Anyway, I started (intermittently) meditating. I learned some exceptionally powerful stuff. I felt my scaffolding being erected.

September

I started learning who I am and why I am this way.

I started seeing a new therapist. She thinks like me. She follows my erratic, forking trains of thought. She sees me and offers real, actionable feedback and solutions. Working with her, I’ve gained the ability to see my life from a 30,000-foot view. I can see now why I’ve felt so lonely my whole life. I understand how my family’s dysfunction has shaped me. I know now that I have the opposite of a victim complex - by default, I believe I am so awful that I feel sorry for everyone who has to deal with me. Because that’s what I was taught to believe. Learning that I deserve to take up space, set boundaries, say no, and be wrong sometimes is still a hard lesson for me. But most days, I believe it now. It takes other people believing it and convincing me. I still need that reassurance often.

My parents sold my childhood home.

Mentally, emotionally, I still lived there. I was still the inverted victim, still beholden to my stepdad’s whims and my mom’s complete cognitive dissonance. This was a blinking neon sign from the universe that it was time to move out. My mom told me when the closing date was so I’d have time to drive down and look at the house one last time. I didn’t go, and I still don’t regret it.

I started learning my boundaries.

After my spiritual move-out, I learned I don’t have to jump when my stepdad holds out the little circus hoop. When he otherwise shows zero interest in my life but still baits me with passive-aggressive texts, I don’t have to answer!! What a concept! I don’t have to feel guilty for not talking to my mom more than I do. We have very little in common, and I still have a lot of things to work through regarding her.

I learned how not to be so reactive.

Or rather, I’m still learning. Something else I learned in therapy is that over the course of my life, I’ve developed a desperate need to defend myself and to justify every action or thought I have, even to myself. It’d been especially troubling at work. My RSD led me to felt stupid, incompetent, and unseen daily; if my boss complimented someone, I believed it also meant he thought I was stupid and bad and wrong, otherwise he would have complimented me too. If my boss said something that even remotely sounded like I’d done something wrong, I’d race to build an impenetrable defense: “This is the reason I did that. Here’s my line of thinking. Do you understand? Can you please understand?”

Now I know that so little of what everything everyone says or does at work is about me. I can appreciate a coworker’s accomplishment and also realize it doesn’t take away anything from me. I’m not stupid or incompetent, and I’m a valuable part of the team. A lot of times, my boss and I are on two different wavelengths - that’s because I think a lot faster, which can be frustrating for him sometimes. He doesn’t fully understand me, but that doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong.

October

I let go of an old friend.

This was especially hard, because I had known this person for years. We’d gone through a lot together, and we’d shared some really important and emotional story plots and characters. I had agonized over whether I was truly important to her or not. It didn’t matter how much I loved her as a friend, or how badly I wanted us to be close again and remain close. I had learned to read the universe’s signs, and it was clear it was time to move on.

November

The election happened.

I was expecting things to turn out badly, but I still hoped for something good. And then something good did happen. I cried watching Harris’ speech. I felt a tenuous hope that things might finally start looking up, societally. I still haven’t really let myself fully embrace that hope, but every time I see a court shoot down another lawsuit, or hear about trump’s own conservative republican supporters tell him, “Okay, buddy, it’s time to step down,” I feel a little better. 

M and I went non-monogamous.

There’s so much I want to say about this, but it’s for another post. Suffice it to say that like every other experience this year, it has been unexpectedly challenging and ultimately a catalyst for  priceless growth. I’m unfathomably grateful that we’re doing this together, for the things we’ve learned so far, and for how much closer this experience has made us, even when I didn’t think we could get any closer. 

Turns out I’m not gray-ace.

I had identified as such for a couple years, which was why we wanted to try non-monogamy in the first place. On the surface, it perfectly explained my sexual personality. But every time I told someone my identity, I felt inexplicably sad. When I read about others having “normal” sex drives and “normal” relations with their spouses, I felt jealous.

Turns out I’m just traumatized, lol. Walking along this non-mono path has unearthed a lot of things, including this gem.

December

This was our first married christmas in our new house.

One of the handful of good things the pandemic has done for me was allowing me to back up my boundaries with hard evidence. It’s been difficult dealing with my stepdad bullying me about not coming over for thanksgiving, and having my mom subtly guilt me into making plans for next year already. But what I needed this year was a quiet holiday, instead of the usual weeks-long chaos, and I got it. And it was fucking delightful. I’ve dreamed of days exactly like that one - spending a tranquil morning with my spouse, sipping coffee and listening to music and eating treats. Deciding exactly how we want our holidays to be, because we deserve to.

I’m scared of what’s to come in the new year. I’m still an anxious mess, and some days I’m not strong enough to pull myself out of the spirals I throw myself into. I’ve gotten used to the pandemic holding my hand, allowing me to shelter in my home, helping me enforce my boundaries, teaching me who I am. When it’s over, I don’t know what will happen or how I’ll react or what I’ll learn next. I’m not finished rebuilding, but I don’t think that’s the point. I’ll never be fully rebuilt. But at least I’m figuring out the new layout.

[imagethat]

Final Goodbye | Vergil x Kitsune!Reader

Alright! So this one reads like an absolute novel lmao I like writing while laying in bed. It helps me relax and fall asleep. I don’t post everything, but I wanted to post this. It’s a part two to my Kitsune!Reader drabble.

Something was festering inside you, as the nights grew longer during the winter, so too did your slumber. Each dream becoming more infatuating than the last, lulling you deeper and deeper into your once home. You knew this realm was not of your own creation, it had echoes of familiarity mixed in with the confusion. You already discerned its owner. Why they felt the need to drag this on was an ever evasive answer. You continued still, trying to reach the heart of this world. Before you could reach your destination, an alarm woke you up and you were pulled aggressively back into reality. An annoyed growl escaped you as you sat up in your bed. You’d have to be more cunning if you wished to speak with your nightly captor. The fact you hadn’t yet only adding more to your irritation. You peeled yourself from under the sheets and went downstairs. Dante puffed some air out of his chest before leaning forwards. “Whoah, someones on the warpath.” He commented. Was your irritability really that visible? “Not today Dante.” You warned while placing a hand on your forehead. Vergil quirked a brow. “You’ve been sleeping in rather late, are you alright?” He asked. The only reply he got was a half baked ‘Fine’ from your back as you went into the kitchen to get some food. Dante's eyes scanned over his brother curiously as he leaned back in his chair with crossed arms. Vergil knew something he didn’t, and wasn’t making any moves to tell him either. You returned from the kitchen, only to march past the twins without a word and return to your room. Once inside, you ate the cereal you had poured for yourself while packing for the day. Once ready you went downstairs. “Where are you going?” To your surprise, Vergil asked rather than Dante. “To attend to some business.” You replied, not giving any more of an explanation before heading out the front door.

It would start snowing soon, the sky was dark enough and a horrible chill dampened your bones. You checked Red Grave, making sure all the hexes you had placed remained in tact. Not only because they marked your territory, but because they acted as a ward. To your disappointment, some were broken. That was to be expected though, since another had come into your space. All at once the world gave way beneath your feet as you tumbled into darkness. The sound of your heart beat heavy in your ears with the depth and percussion of a full orchestra. You hit something on your fall and then once more. Your eyes shot open as you jolted forwards, those hits having been something shaking you. The dreams grasp was becoming so tight that you could not discern reality from it. Your eyes darted all around the park, not remembering the sheet of white that veiled it. Vergil was standing beside you, examining you quietly. “You’ve been gone for a whole day.” He commented. You paused… A whole day? Had the dream taken you for that long? It certainly didn’t feel like it had been that long. You didn’t remember moving to this bench either. Before you could question the man beside you, a sharp stinging burned your head. A loud noise rang and you had to cover your ears. You felt weak as you collapsed to the ground while your vision went blurry. Vergil was saying something, but you couldn’t tell what. “Dream…. Snare….. Run…” You tried to warn, your words almost failing you. When you awoke you realized you had finished your fall. But the world hadn’t gotten any lighter. You couldn’t make anything out in the dark despite your demon blood. There was whispering from all directions. You stood up and cautiously searched through the dark with your hands until you found a wall. Then you followed that until you saw the soft glow of light. You could feel it’s presence more clearly now. As you dashed towards it, you broke from the darkness into a cleaning underneath a beautiful never ending sky. Sitting across the clearing from you was your brother who would be the eldest had you not been born. The clearing was reminiscent of where you fought both Vergil and Nero originally. It was to taunt you. “It has been too long, sister.” He mused quietly. You nodded softly. “That is has been, how disrespectful of you to play such pranks on your sister.” You replied. He seemed displeased with your response and flicked his tail. “I would argue that if anyones been disrespectful, it’s you. Have you forgotten your teachings?” He questioned. “I have not, but father lied to us. Humans aren’t the only source of consumption for us.” You answered with a determined look. “That may be true, but why stay with them? They are beneath us, and to even share the same space with them…” He pierced his lips before glaring at you. “You aren’t suited to be the head of the family, return the key to me.” He demanded. When you came of age and proved your worth to your parents they gave you a key. Every dream realm was attached to an item, and the one handed down in your particular lineage was a gold embellished key. “It is mine, I owe you nothing.” You replied, already feeling the tension surrounding you both. This wasn’t going to end well for one of you.

Vergil had carried you back in the snow to Devil May Cry. Dante didn’t think much of it at first, but when he saw the way your veins seemed to be darkened he knew something was wrong. “There is another.” Vergil said before his brother could ask what happened. “So how do we wake y/n up then?” Dante asked. Vergil and you had grown pretty close during the time you agreed to stay at Devil May Cry. That included sharing your knowledge with him. “Only the one who created the snare can release her. By their will or by death.” He replied. Dante seemed to think for a moment before nodding. “Well, it’s nothing we can’t handle.” He said with a teasing smirk. “As long as I’m gettin paid at the end that is.” He added and Vergil scoffed at his brother quietly. They called Lady and Trish to stay with your resting body then headed off.

The fight was long, your brother enjoying every moment of proving his superiority. The world would glitch, and apparitions of your friends would appear in his place. It took everything in you to keep swinging when it happened. He had only dug so deep into your memory thus far. “They have made you weak! Yield sister! Join us once more!” He yelled at you. For a moment you internally stopped and pondered why you were fighting so hard to stay with your new found company when you had been so eager to never see their faces again just a few months ago. In that moment of weakness, not only did he strike you but he delved deeper into your mind. Summing forth your true feelings and more twisted visions of the people who truly matter to you. Your brother sneered loudly, striking you with force you didn’t know was possible. He looked down at you with hateful eyes. “I thought you’d have more respect for father, if you should walk amongst humans you should at least keep his most basic of rules in mind. But it’s true isn’t it!?” He demanded as you pounced back to avoid an attack. You bared your teeth. “What do you speak of!? Have you gone mad! I know my place! I am the head of this family!” You shot back. “We shall see.” He replied while lunging forwards. The action was so unpredictably sudden that it caught you off guard. He lifted you from the ground by your throat. You tried to claw at his arm and halfway to his face you saw him shift to an aplirition. In that moment, you couldn’t strike. Even if you knew it was your brother inside your head tricking you. You gave into your fate as he plunged a blade through your stomach. You were dropped to the floor unceremoniously afterwords. Vergil, or rather your brother standing above you. His eyes boring into your weekend ones. “So it is true… Such a pitiful heir to the family.” He commented. The next few moments were rushed. You heard yelling and gunfire. You opened your eyes as you felt someone lift you. You were being cradled. Through your blurry vision you could see his white hair. But you couldn’t tell if it was a fake figure meant to torment you or actually him. You let your weight fall dead against him.

When you came to this time around, you were in Devil May Cry. Thick familiar gauze was wrapped around your waist. Lady rushed over when she saw you rise to check your status. “Where…. Vergil…” you forced out in a dazed tone. “Where is Vergil?” You asked. Lady looked up at Trish. “Still in the dream.” The blonde haired woman said. “No…” you whispered, fear overtaking you. “They’re still alive… but…” Trish added. She was unsure of their status. You shifted onto your elbows, finally realizing what heavy fabric rested on you. It was Vergil’s coat. He had wrapped it around you when he carried you back from the park. Even such a simple act of courtesy was odd from him and should be taken to heart. You bit your lip as you pulled it against your chest. “I have to go back!” You urged and the two looked at each other. “L-listen… I care for them just as much as you do, but you’re not in any state to fight… Plus, it’s Dante. I’m sure they’ll be fine.” Lady tried to reassure you, but her efforts were in vain. You pleaded to her with your eyes. She finally gave in with a sigh. “Trish and I will go if it will make you feel better.” She offered and you nodded your head no. “I have to go with.” You demanded. Trish crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “Why?” She asked. You were taken aback. Assuming the answer would be obvious. But it wasn’t as clear as you initially thought. You took a moment to assess why you so desperately needed to go, seeming somewhat baffled by the answer. So… Your brother was right… You quietly hugged Vergil’s coat to your chest as if doing so would somehow reassure you or make things better. You had grown soft in your time within this realm. Most of all though, you broke the most enforced rule your parents taught you. Warm tears spilled down your cheeks. You didn’t know if he’d ever return your feelings or if it was possible to go on being friends after coming to this realization. Worry overtook you, wondering if you would even get the chance to see him again. You had always known he was more comfortable in your presence, never seeming bothered by your antics. He enjoyed when you two would visit your realm so he could borrow books or discuss your kinds traditions. You squeezed his coat in your hands, never having realized all these things until now. You had been willfully ignorant of them. Lady did her best to comfort you, but her condolences fell on deaf ears. They did nothing to help you from your thoughts. All at once, you could feel the heavyweight in your pocket. The one thing in this situation you had. The source of all your pride, the prize of all those hard years spent in training. You couldn’t bare the thought of letting it go. It meant more than anything else in this world. But so too did your friends. Perhaps you were a glutton, one of the cardinal sins. And this would be your punishment. You rose up so quickly that it startled Lady. You knew what had to be done, even if it felt as though someone was crushing your heart.

You returned to the moonlit grove. The battle had taken its toll on the surrounding flora. All three seemed roughed up to a certain extent, but Dante and Vergil were worse for wear. When you entered the clearing, all fighting stopped. A force pushing the twins to the ground as you brother seathed his blade. “It is good to see you’ve returned sister. While I doubt you’ve come to your senses. It is not too late for you to return to us, though your former status can never be repaired.” He offered his hand out to you but could see the hesitation in your eyes. You pulled the key out of your pocket with a somber look on your face. Flipping it in your hands a few times. You had to breath in deeply just to speak. “I see… if you will not honor your ancestors then give me the key.” He said. Dante didn’t know what the key was or the significance of it, but he could tell you were attached to it. “Don’t listen to him.” Vergil spoke out, leaning against his blade. “Yeah, we got this.” Dante added. The one thing the twins shared was their stubbornness. Another wave forced them down and Dante groaned in pain. You sniffled softly, squeezing the key in your hand softly. Knowing it would be the last time you ever held it. You internally said your farewells to your family before chucking the key across the clearing to your brother. He caught it without the slightest bit of hesitation and looked it over before turning his attention to you. He nodded softly. “Thank you… I’m glad you came to your senses, but after the decision you have made… You cannot return here.” He said his voice got softer at the end. It was possible he felt bad for you, but he held his pride higher than you did yours. “Should you foolishly return here, you will be killed on sight. A heavy bounty is now placed on your head.” He added. Your eyes dropped to the ground, understanding the ramifications of the events that just occurred. You didn’t need his reperminds to know of your exile. Once he could tell you knew the extent of your punishment, he left. You fell to your knees, forgetting of Dante and Vergil as all the plants in the clearing started to wither. The tree leaves ashened and fell from their branches. The moon slowly faded from sight and you were left in the dark. Even the world was rejecting you.

Devil May Cry slowly came into view as you were returned to reality. Trish and Lady instantly rushed over to Dante and Vergil. Vergil shrugged them off, asking for your assistance upstairs. You agreed with a soft nod of your head. Lady could tell that you two both needed to be alone. Vergil knew best how to comfort you. Once upstairs, Vergil removed his vest and took a seat while you grabbed a first aid kit from the bathroom. You carefully started applying disinfectant to his cuts, a particularly bad slice cutting across his shoulders and back. You knew he wasn’t careless, he must have been taken by surprise when he rushed in to check on you. It made you feel guilty. “How does that feel?” You asked as you started to wrap soms gauze around his shoulder. “Fine.” He replied, seeming preoccupied with thoughts of his own. “You should have told us originally what was going on. We could have helped.” He said in an authoritative tone. You muttered I know quitely, not in the mood to be even further punished. He quietly acknowledged that with a nod. “…I'm… I’m sorry.” He said softly once you were finished patching him up. “I know… that key meant a lot to you.” He admitted. If he was honest, he felt somewhat at fault since he rushed in. When he saw you on the ground he disregarded his care for the enemy. He had to question why he did that. Vergil was usually so calm and composed. “It’s fine, I’m just glad you and Dante are both okay.” You mused in a somber tone while taking a seat across from him. “Would it be possible to retrieve the key? Or possible to make a world of your own?” He asked, trying to find a solution. His brain always functioned on the basis of logic. You shifted so your back faced him and pulled up your shirt so it showed your back. A mark had started appearing in the center, and was growing darker. It was such a hideous thing. “It marks my fate… I am forsworn…” You replied. Vergil reached out his hand and placed it on top of your new mark. You didn’t flinch or make a move to pull away as he traced its delicate lines. “Now that I’m branded with it everyone in that realm, realms like it, and the realm itself will know of my exile.” You added, breathing out slowly. As if even the thought if it was painful. When he pulled away you let your shirt drop. You turned to face him again, noticing Vergil had picked up the Yamato and was carefully untying the decorative string that garnered the seath. He took one of your hands and began wrapping the ornamental leather around it. After a few more moments he was finished. It started on your upper arm, crossed down in a x formation, wrapped around your wrist, then connected to a design he had made around your fingers. He let his hands rest against yours. “Perhaps if you cannot return, consider this as a key to this realm then.” He said. He wasn’t the best at being emotionally sensitive, but you could tell he was trying his best. “I will.” You nodded softly before scotting in closer so you could wrap your arms gently around his shoulders. There was a brief moment between Vergil hugging you back where he hesitated. Things like this were new to him, even if he had been in the human world for awhile. More so than the physical contact, he was coming to terms with something inside himself. You felt his arms get a little bit tighter around you, but you didn’t mind. This moment was nice, and was what you needed after all that had happened. You couldn’t return home, but you would never forget where you came from. Now this was your home. “If you would join me tomorrow, that would be greatly appreciated. I have something I’d like to show you.” His voice was barely above a whisper, but you could hear him loud as day because of how close you two were. You nodded before hiding your face in his shoulder. You didn’t know it, but he was smiling.

[hzcleski]

hello friends! you probs know who i am already but if not hello! i’m sam aaand this is my newish muse! i played hal here for a minute one time but i’ve decided to give him a huuuuge revamp so character info is under the cut! lmk if you wanna plot! messaging me @ellvie​ is probably easiest!

╰☆╮ DYLAN O'BRIEN ─ HAL ZALESKI identifies as CIS MALE and uses HE/HIM pronouns. they’re a FORMER OLYMPIAN/NHL PLAYER, and they’re only TWENTY THREE ! they’re said to be CAPABLE, but also TURBULENT. i guess that’s why they’re known as THE LEGACY in the tabloids.

quick disclaimer that this is a sideblog so i might post to the wrong account sometimes

other disclaimer a lot of my hockey information is from google ok

nathan harold zaleski jr was practically born with a pair of skates on, which makes sense considering his family is hockey royalty. his father is nathan harold zaleski sr, aka a legend and one of the biggest names in sports to this very day. olympic gold medalist several times over, beloved longtime defenseman for the toronto maple leafs, at the very peak of his career and married to a beautiful wealthy socialite when his only child was born.

listen...this is an au where the maple leafs are good or like, had one genuinely good star player in nathan sr. okay thanks for coming to my ted talk!

he’s got dual citizenship because he was born in canada even though he hasn’t lived there since he was ten, but his parents were us citizens, which doesn’t seem important but WAIT FOR IT

nathan jr, who would begin going by the nickname of hal early on in life, probably learned how to skate before he even learned how to walk because of course he did. his father’s intention was always to have another him. i mean for fuck’s sake they have the exact same name. hal’s purpose in life has never been in question, not by him or anyone who’s ever seen him play.

his natural talent for hockey became apparent from a very young age, which didn’t surprise anyone ofc. his father saw it as a sign and began pushing him even harder, hiring the very best trainers and coaches to help perfect his game while nathan sr focused on his own career.

except that he was running out of steam and fast. nothing happened like there was no huge scandal or career ending injury. nathan sr was just...getting old. fans were simply losing interest in him as newer and younger players joined the league and there was nothing he could really do about it except make sure his legacy lived on.

hal was ten years old when everything seemed to finally fall apart. his dad was hanging on to the very last threads of his career, let go from the maple leafs and almost certainly picked up by the new york rangers purely out of pity. meanwhile, hal’s parents finally divorced which he took almost alarmingly well for a ten year old, but it’s not like his parents were ever a shining example of a deep, loving marriage. they spent years settling the divorce, fighting back and forth while suing the shit out of each other across whole fuckin countries. lowkey they almost wound up being more famous for the legal drama than they were for hockey.

hal’s dad finally retired when he was twelve, won sole custody of him when he was fourteen, and pulled enough strings to get him a spot on the canadian hockey team dual citizenship! going to the 2010 vancouver winter olympics when he was just a teenager, making him one of the youngest players to ever compete in the games.

and canada won gold that year so hal was making history again in no time, being one of the youngest players to ever become a gold medalist in the winter olympics. now he didn’t actually see a lot of playing time that year. his skill was undeniable, but no one seemed to think that he was ready for the big time rush. tbh they probably weren’t wrong, but nevertheless his name and his win made an impression on everyone.

up until that point hal was homeschooled bc ofc education came second to hockey, but he always wanted to attend an actual school and he did! after his first olympics his dad finally sent him to the same private school in the city as all the other rich kids and it was...weird! he started in the middle of the year and was instantly an outsider among his classmates. everyone else had known each other all their lives so hal immediately at a disadvantage. it didn’t help that he’d never really...had a single friend before. tbh his peers were probably intimidated by him. he was just a high schooler and already an olympic gold medalist like...ofc no one wanted to be the person to go approach him and say hi.

played for canada again dual citizenship! at the 2014 winter olympics in sochi when he was eighteen and this time HE WAS THE STAR. absolutely at the top of his game. anyone who still thought that he was a joke before the games started shut up real quick when he won his second gold medal.

he got home and was eventually drafted into the nhl, so he sorta ditched school oops. technically he finished but like...barely since he went back to being tutored for the last few months.

several teams wanted him and tried to throw a shit ton of money at him, but hal settled on the new york rangers with a huge multi million dollar deal

he quickly stole hearts on and off the ice. whether fans admired his skill or followed him during the olympics or remembered his father, for one reason or another he was winning people over left and right. unsurprisingly he’d go on to win the 2014-2015 rookie of the year award, presented to him by the president of the nhl and everything.

he did not attend the 2018 winter olympics in pyeongchang as the nhl famously refused to release their players. hal himself was a major part of the uproar. the whole country of canada dual citizenship! practically threw a fucking fit bc the nhl was disqualifying their star player from winning them their third gold medal in a row and hey big surprise...canada didn’t win gold in 2018 :)

hal’s in the middle of his fifth i think? year of pro hockey rn and so far his career has been solid. his dad is really pushing him to sign with a “better team” and he has gotten offers, but he isn’t really interested. he likes playing for new york & he likes living in new york. maybe someday....maybeeee....but for right now he’s happy with where he is.

okay now for some fast facts!

literally always looks like he just got into a fight, probably bc he just did during his last game. is usually sporting some injury like a black eye or split lip or cut cheek. fortunately hasn’t completely given in to the hockey player stereotype by getting all of his fuckin teeth knocked out...yet

notice that i hardly mentioned his mom? that about sums up their relationship tbh. hal was practically raised by nannies and trainers. his mom always had some brunch or gala or public appearance she was far more invested in. literally she didn’t even really...want custody of him when she divorced his dad, but she claimed to just to be petty and give nathan sr an even more difficult time. yeah they kinda hate each other now and since hal has always been closer to his dad, his mom isn’t even really that interested in seeing him lmao. she’ll call like once a month and invites him to brunch if she happens to be in the city, but ngl hal probably hasn’t seen her in like...a couple years at the least. he’s not really broken up about it either.

right so...walking talking endless pit of daddy issues? you bet! just because hal prefers his dad doesn’t mean that they get along or that his dad is a good person. he still has his perfect public image and he isn’t complete garbage but...yeah their relationship is extremely toxic. he’s always been very harsh with hal, pushing him and pushing him to be the best bc nothing he accomplishes is ever good enough.

so what if he's won two olympic gold medals? so what if he was rookie of the year? so what if he’s considered one of the best and most beloved players in the nhl? he can do more, he can be even better. his dad is a constant voice in his head even though he’s always around anyway. he never misses a game or an opportunity to point out hal’s every flaw.

ofc as a result hal’s always been very hard on himself. every single day of his entire life has been spent basing his self worth off what his father thinks of him. it was awful for his self esteem bc no fucking duh.

HOWEVER. it isn’t public knowledge at this time, but as of right now? hal’s relationship with his father is falling apart faster and faster by the moment. they’re a ticking time bomb & it’s literally only a matter of time before they explode yikes!

fortunately hal could sorta sense the direction things were heading and did something about it. he finally moved out when the hockey season started back in october and he’s been feeling better ever since. like he has more control over his life even though his dad is still WAY too involved.

personality: a douchebag who means no harm, mostly because he's never really trying to be a jerk. tends to come across as a typical meathead jock for good reason bc that’s exactly who he is. in conversation he's usually very blunt and a little awkward bc he’s still learning how to socialize with others. hockey is basically his whole life so it’s all he knows how to talk about, which can either be endearing or annoying. a genius hockey player, but a ditz in every other area. very short - tempered and impulsive. always means well and wants the best for those he cares about, but might go about expressing those feelings in a weird way bc he was never taught how to properly deal with his emotions.

CONNECTIONS

family

step sibling he grew up with - sabrina miller

paternal cousins - warren daily and wren daily

cousin by marriage - rosalind cox

maternal cousin - open. his mom is polish for reference!

romantic

girlfriend - genesis iver

ex fiancée - ginny baker

ex on good terms - margo massey

ex who cheated on him - isla thompson

former fwb - amethyst armenta, open to more.

former toxic on / off relationship - reese monroe

exes, open to more.

hal has a ton of other exes and i don’t feel like listing them tbh all so i’m just gonna assume that y’all know who you are ok

platonic

best friend 5ever - marialena goldstein

confidant - open.

family friends - sullivan ramsey, open to more.

childhood friends - open to more.

close friends - open to more.

friends - mia kauri, chance kauri, theo cannon, angel almeida, open to more.

bickering friends - open to more.

workout buddy - open.

negative

on bad terms - kennedy drakos, jay weston, open to more.

these are just a few plot ideas! i’m most definitely open to other stuff so if you have any ideas please free to share! i think that’s enough from me soooo yeah! mssg me if you wanna plot & as always i’m super excited to write with everyone!

[juspeczyk]

i wanna know all about your ocs!!

cRACKS KNUCKLES.... RUBS MY HANDS TOGETHER.... SO

spooky boi over there is the prince ?? king ?? lord ?? ruler of a dead province, which died out from (1) him practicing magic/experimenting on his own people and (2) him becoming so preoccupied with learning magic that he completely ignored all of his actual duties. he was trained to use magic by death itself. he’s like a thousand years old at the very least, nobody really knows how long he’s been around for sure and at this point he exists more as a spooky legend than an actual like... menace or anything... like, he’s just There. Being Spooky. his castle is surrounded by miles and miles of wasteland and by wasteland i mean creepy dark scrub-plains filled with brambles and vague ruins of a civilization long since gone. his name is kilmalkhan [said kil MAL kan] because that’s the scariest fantasy name i could come up with lmao

sunshine baby girl is belanthea, she’s from a village relatively close to the wasteland, like, they can see the castle and supposedly the village was started by some emigrants from that province who left when they realized their king dude had just ollied out to have the biggest emo phase in the history of existence. she wants to be the world’s best healer!!! slash doctor!!! idk it’s a fantasy world and i feel weird calling her a doctor because she Specifically Wants To Learn Magic To Heal People Better Than Anyone Else. (side note: fuck outta here with that laws of magic bullshit. sure it’s fun but it defeats the entire purpose of magic being magic. magic works however the fuck magic wants to work in this world my dude. if belanthea wants to say abracablessyou and cure the common cold then she’s gonna do exactly that.) she goes to kilmalkhan because he’s the most powerful witch (wizard? warlock? sorcerer? why aren’t there any cool gender neutral terms for magic users @ d&d people fix this please) like... ever, at all, in the history of everything. again, this guy apprenticed under death and basically shirked all his responsibilities to nerd out over magic for 1000+ years. (what kind of goals, tbh...)

so yeah belanthea makes this arduous and mostly just really fucking annoying and inconvenient trek out to his castle in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and she’s like “hey i wanna learn magic” and he’s like “if you think i can just teach you magic then you’re an idiot. i’m the leonado da vinci of magic. the gordon ramsey. the lady gaga. you gotta start with some small shit like magical wax on wax off first, get outta here, stop wasting my time, i have brooding to do” so of course she is Not Happy and she’s like “first of all, i’m clearly exhausted and dehydrated and starving and you haven’t offered me any food or lodging, so fuck you, second of all, i know for a fact that you’re bored out of your mind because you’ve just been sitting around in a castle for hundreds of years, so fuck you, third of all, it’s your duty as the former political leader of my village’s ancestors to make a formal apology for the shit you pulled ages ago and you can do that by teaching me magic to be their doctor, so fuck you”

obviously. this is unexpected. and of course he’s bored out of his mind and lonely as absolute hell. he’s an idiot man who automatically shoos everyone away because he places no value on relationships. the fool. the absolute nincompoop. so he finally agrees to teach her after realizing that (1) he would be a MASSIVE prick not to (2) to even make the trek out here she probably does have some innate magical abilities so it’s not like he’d be starting from scratch (3) she really did just tear into him six ways from sunday and he doesn’t want this cute girl he just met to go back to her village and tell everyone what a fucking sad doofus he is. so they get to it and it turns out that she’s The Most Magical Person He’s Ever Met In His Entire Ridiculously Long Life?? just?? naturally??? she’s just Like That??? like what the fuck??? what the fuck???? he had to go through all these crazy summoning spells and ritual bargains and make sacrifices and she can just smile at some flowers and they start blooming????? what the FUCK

in the beginning he’s really hesitant and doubtful because his studies focused a lot on like... evading mortality, drawing life from one thing and giving it to another, summoning things from other planes, like he focused a lot on “dark” magic, and her focus is much more on nurturing and growing and healing living things and “good” magic. pretty soon though they both realize that there is a middle ground, because the core idea of both their studies is preserving life! so that’s cool and they get along a lot better after that. at one point they have the following discussion

mal: so you want to be the world’s greatest healer

thea: yes

mal: so your boyfriend is cursed?

thea: no?

mal: oh so your village has a terrible magic affliction then

thea: no

mal: then why did you come all the way out here???

thea: because i just want to make life better and easier for everybody? i want to be able to set broken bones instantly and painlessly? i want to make potions that ease pain without clouding the mind? i want to be able to save mothers and children and grandfathers who aren’t ready to die?that’s it? i just want to make the world a better place? why do i need some kind of greedy ulterior motive for that???

mal:

thea:

mal:

thea:

mal (internally, realizing he has now fallen head over heels in love): oh no

so yeah they teach each other stuff, belanthea becomes an amazingly powerful witch, possibly even more powerful than kilmalkhan, because her power comes from her altruism and her faith in people and Boy Howdy Does She Have Oodles Of That!!!!

fast forward and it’s been months?? maybe a year?? a long time... mal comes to her eventually and is like *mr. darcy voice* these past months have been a torment, end my agony, i love you, most ardently, please do the honor of accepting my hand!!! and she’s like..... (inhales) BOI............. of course you’re in love with me i’m the first person you talked to in centuries!!!! no!!!! i’m not marrying you!!! go walkabout!!! travel the world!!! spend a year or two learning to talk to people like a normal human being you dumbass!!! THEN come propose to me if you still feel this way!!!

so he does that-- but before he leaves he passes on his Official Title to her, which means she gets his castle, and all his cool magic shit, and his political influence, and his direct line to death in case she ever needs help with her sweet magic stunts-- he Humbles Himself and Goes Amongst The People and re-learns how to do normal human shit like carry a conversation and hold doors for the person behind you and make funny noises at cats in the hopes they don’t run away from you. she goes back to her village and starts healing people, and soon she is able to start traveling and working in other villages as her reputation (and power) grows.

after his ~year of socialization is up mal goes back and tracks thea down and probably does some extra goth nonsense shit like takes the form of a giant crow-vulture-man-monster and stands outside the wall like “hey is belanthea there”-- because listen. the guy is a terrifying inhuman monster witch. of course he’s gonna do something like that. but he’s also an awkward geek who just wants to say hi to his friend and apologize for being an asshole to her, so like, he’s not gonna DO anything, he’s just gonna stand there and look spooky. some guard sees this and is like HOLY FUCK THE DEVIL IS INVADING and shoots mal with arrows or whatever and it’s super dramatic and of course mal just pulls them out and bleeds his green blood everywhere like “bro what the fuck” and then belanthea shows up and if y’all thought spooky vulture boy was scary then HOOOOOOOOOO WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THIS TINY WITCH... she goes full-on avatar state on this poor guard like “WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING THE SPOOKY IDIOT!! HE DID NOTHING YOU FOOL!! THIS IS WHY I’M TRYING TO INSTALL MANDATORY PUBLIC EDUCATION!!!!!!”

mal is more or less fine because he’s an immortal being of inhuman nature but belanthea heals him anyway and he’s like “hey this is probably a bad time but uhhhh i still have like a huge crush on you” and she’s like “honestly even if i didn’t like you back i’d still marry you because you’re a disaster who needs supervision”

so they get married and move back into the castle (her castle now) and she keeps all his cool titles and abilities and the wasteland flourishes and people move back and she heals everyone and there is free school and everything rocks forever

they’re mainly an amalgamation of dracula (specifically anime dracula from hellsing and castlevania lmao) and hades and persephone but there are other characters/narratives i tossed in there (see: the legend of holly claus, howl’s moving castle) because I Am Always So Weak For This Type Of Narrative And I Wanted To Combine All My Favorite Things Into One Cohesive Storyline

also this post just crossed my dashboard and i feel like “a necromancer is just a really late healer” sums up their entire relationship dynamic lmfao

other miscellaneous fun facts:

kilmalkhan has a crow/vulture motif because obviously those are carrion birds but they are also beautiful and i love them, and although they look spooky, they tend to just go about their business and be chill, which is a big mood for him

belanthea knew she was gonna marry that idiot the moment she met him but she also knew that she loves and respects herself and wasn’t going to marry that idiot until he stopped being an idiot

he thinks he kills every plant he touches because of his magic but he’s actually just a really shitty gardener. she fixes this

she lives almost exclusively on cheese and bread if left to her own devices because she’s an awful cook. he fixes this

they both are immortal because the basic mechanic of magic is that it comes from death, the earth, the stars, etc. and all of those are undying things, so the more a person uses magic the more “celestial” they will become. some people are born with the ability to channel magic, some learn it later in life, some can’t do any magic at all. belanthea and kilmalkhan were both born with ridiculously op magical abilities

when i say “no laws of magic” i mean it but like. certain ingredients do certain things, certain rituals have certain outcomes, it’s not like magic is this crazy deus ex machina force that people can toss around willy nilly. it takes discipline and study but it’s a lot less“you take the rock and soak it in moon-charged water on the third of june at 3:33 pm exactly and sprinkle seven grains of salt on it and leave it in a chicken’s nest for seven days and when you come back you must fish it out with your eyes closed and only then will it be gold” and a lot more “you point at a rock and wish really hard and it turns to gold”

mal has been using magic so long that he is completely inhuman. he only keeps the human form because it was what he was born in and what he’s used to. his blood is green. his skin is very cold (but he grows warmer the more he learns to socialize and be happy again). sometimes he inadvertently turns into a giant vulture-wolf-monster-dude. sometimes belanthea just wakes up in the middle of the night and finds said vulture-wolf-monster-dude curled up on her tummy like a cat

kilmalkhan would absolutely raze a nation if one (1) person looked at belanthea funny but everyone loves belanthea so it’s much more likely that someone will look at kilmalkhan funny and belanthea will turn into a terrifying angelic dryad to angrily lecture that person on not judging people by their appearance

[meggy-kun]

an appreciation post for my internet bestie that doesn't know my tumblr therefore she can't see this so i'm safe ohoho

('stuff we did' from pixar's 'up' playing in the background)

my esteemed rival,

my beloved nemesis,

dearly detested,

...most precious dumbo, words can't explain how happy i am because of your existence. words is all i have so let me try though. i'm glad i can text you on daily basis and we can have deep talks about everything and anything.

after all these months we both kept our boundaries and respected each other, and in fear of being too sappy with you i've learnt about patience and was able to control some of my unhealthy habits, like getting attached too easily (it wasn't easy because you're such an interesting person and you hit a lot of my weak points with that personality of yours as well as witty remarks, but i tried my best ha).

i know we've met before on a certain infamous gc, but somehow i've never approached you privately out of our small friends circle, which i believe i regretted. surprisingly fate is on my side sometimes and even if none of us had it planned, here we are now, spending time together and learning new things from each other (eventually gushing about anime, shhhh).

it's been some time since i had so much fun on a purely intellectual level, without too many emotions, and i deeply appreciate our friendship for that and many other reasons.

there have been moments when i wished i could tell you more nice things, act more emotional and shower you with even more love than i do already, but in the end we have our balance and i'm content with our dynamic. it's not usual because i always devote myself to unhealthy levels and then cry about it like the headass that i am.

nevertheless, i did grew attached to you, because i wanted to risk it one more time and if life will bite me in the ass for that, so be it. i'm a tough girl now, at least i'm trying. what i know for sure is that i'd regret not getting close to you. we might never meet (even if you live in a country right next to mine, fucking dumbass), but it's okay. i think such an experience is too much for you, knowing your perception and experience.

other unhealthy habit of mine is idealizing people i grew attached to, in this case i didn't do as great, but it's getting better. i'm keeping my imagination on a leash and even if i slip sometimes, i learn from it. honestly there's not much to add, the way you are is nowhere near perfect but it suits me just right. and the way we are so different yet our thoughts match and we are able to find so many middle grounds and share a whole lot of opinions, views and visions, fills me with yet another level of excitement.

i think the fact that i have no negative memories with you is the outcome of the things you unconsciously make me learn. the mentioned boundaries and seeking a comfortable place in our relationship is something that helped me not reaching any kind of disappointment while bonding with you. again, i will never be able to express how thankful i am for that. still i wish i could hug you and kiss your dark thoughts away (no homo because we're both taken lmao).

i can't exclude a future scenario where we don't talk anymore, this is a natural process and maybe someday we will reach that point where we no longer have motivation to keep up with each other, wanting to focus only on our irl friends. it won't be anything new, we both spend a lot of time talking to people we've never seen, we're used to abandonment. all i hope for is to be able to look back and smile because i had a good time. yes i wish for the same for you. i want us both to have a good time and experience positive things through each other.

(i have literal tears in my eyes see i'm still soft sometimes but it's the song i swear)

you just texted me lmao you're disgusting geez..

i smiled but you won't know it, you don't deserve that knowledge you absolute fool.

i could add paragraphs forever but i guess i'm not exactly thinking straight now (hehe).

to sum it up, i love you and whatever comes, i'm ready to help you and be there for you even if somehow that would be a mistake. okay this sounds edgy and angsty, i just love you and your stupid lesbian tomboy hair, let's be friends for as long as we can.

[justanotherboyinblue]

01. do i have a good relationship with my parents? well yes and no, they’re abusive fuckers and i hate them a lot of the time but they can also be really nice and cool and fun so idk, mostly a no 02. who did i last say ‘i love you’ to? my friend ella when we said goodnight 03. do i regret anything? pFFFFFT of fucking course i do, many many things 04. am i insecure? oh you betcha 05. what is my relationship status? single as a pringle, my gf that i’ve mentioned in some posts broke up with me a few days ago so lmao 06. how do i want to die? weird question but okay, in my sleep i suppose, like most other people 07. what did i last eat? uhhhh honey wheat twist pretzels last night 08. played any sports? competitively no, and i’m homeschooled so no school sports, but i’ve played gertball and volleyball and other backyard partyish sports 09. do i bite my nails? nope, i either keep them to the quick or long with nail polish so i don’t get that dysphoria ya feel 10. when was my last physical fight? i have no fuckin idea bro, we fight with our words in this household 11. do i like someone? i still got feelings for my ex so yeah 12. have i ever stayed up for 48 hours? tf no, i’ve stayed up for a solid 20-24 tho 13. do i hate anyone at the moment? not that i can feel no, i do have a strong distaste for a lot of people but not hate i don’t think 14. do i miss someone? oh hell yeah, i miss old friends and my aunt that i saw literally yesterday and i miss my kitty Trinity who passed away over a year ago 15. have any pets? yessire i do, four cats and one dog inside and like five cats outside  16. how exactly am i feeling at the moment? pretty meh, i’m real hungry tho, waitin on my brother to make sum mac n cheese for us, but overall chill ig 17. ever made out in the bathroom? i have only had one, count em, one, kiss in my entire life and it was nonconsensual and they were drunk so that’d be a no 18. am i scared of spiders? oh FUCK yeah i am, if i see one it’s usually fine enough as long as they’re stationary and not near me, but if it’s in my room i will hyperventilate and it will be dead shortly. i once had an attack bcuz my fucktard of a brother kicked on at me so that was fun 19. would i go back in time if i was given the chance? i mean probably but i don’t think i would change anything really 20. where was the last place i snogged someone? ‘snogged’? what are we british. uhh the above mentioned kiss was in my best friends guest room of their house, the same best friend that mauled me with their face 21. what are my plans for this weekend? idk, work on my play probably. i have to get it done by the 15th or i fail my grade so woooo 22. do i want to have kids? big fat no 23. do i have piercings? how many? i do, i have the standard two in my ears. i want an additional three that i’m gonna get most likely around christmas 24. what is/are/were my best subject(s)? i don’t think i really have one tbh, writing maybe? ohhhh no definitely art, i love art when it’s fun and they give good assignments 25/ do i miss anyone from my past? just Trinity i think 26. what am i craving right now? well i’m always craving thin mints but a bowl of that mac n cheese that my brother’s making would be absolutely fabulous rn 27. have i ever broken someone’s heart? i know of one instance, but there were probably others as well. i broke up with this abusive fuckboy and had to then talk him out of suicide immediately after so that was fun 28. have i ever been cheated on? no idea, probably 29. have i made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? again, no idea, but probably  30. what’s irritation me right now? nothing particular, just the usual homophobic/transphobic/abusive bullshit i get from people  31. does somebody love me? not romantically i don’t think, but i have people who platonically/familially love me yeah 32. what is my favorite color? i have three, sunset orange, black, and a very specific sea foam blue color 33. do i have trust issues? i do, but i think i’m getting better the more good and non-abusive relationships i have 34. who/what was my last dream about? so if i dream at night it’ll be like three dreams a night, the last one in the set of dreams i had was about greek gods and where everyone stood in the pantheon and why, no clue what that was about 35. who was the last person i cried in front of? uhhh i walked past my brother while i was crying on my way to lock myself in the bathroom 36. do i give out second chance too easily? oh fuck yeah, but i’m working on it 37. is it easier to forgive or forget? forget for sure, my memory is shit XD forgive tho, i never forget when someone has wronged me. usually the deal is when i’ve gotten over the pain, or forgotten about it, i’ll give second chances to the offenders, which i’m working on not doing 38. is this year the best year of my life? i mean probably, i’ve had some of my happiest and worst moments this year 39. how old was i when i had my first kiss? 13 40. have i ever walked outside completely naked? hell naw 51. favorite food? mashed potatoes for sure 52. do i believe everything happens for a reason? i’m Christian so i kinda have to lmao, but yes 53. what is the last thing i did before i went to bed last night? uhhh stuff 54. is cheating ever okay? only in very very specific circumstances 55. am i mean? a lot of the time i think so, but i also think i’m kind a lot more 56. how many people have i fist fought? uh, one? my brother lol, and it wasn’t even fighting i was just so angry i kinda flailed at him 57. do i believe in true love? i guess, i don’t know 58. favorite weather? rain, bonus points if thunder 59. do i like the snow? oh absolutely  60. do i wanna get married? eventually, when i’m ready and have met the right person yeah 61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls me baby? only if dating, and not boys cuz i’m not attracted to them so lmao 62. what makes me happy? oh gosh so many things. baking, cooking, hanging out with friends, reading, writing, petting/playing with cats, ferrets, snakes, drawing, coloring, watching tv, playing video games, music, etc. etc. 63. would i change my name? lmaoooo already did 64. would it be hard to kiss the last person i kissed? uh yah, for obvious reasons 65. my best friend of the opposite sex likes me, what do i do? well if my best male friend liked me then i would have to turn him down bcuz don’t like boys, and if my best female friend liked me i don’t know what i would do tbh, i might date them? as much as i love them and support them and they’re valid as fuck, she’s a transwoman who still looks like a guy so rip 66. do i have a friend of the opposite sex who i can act my complete self around? my best male friend absolutely, other friends unsure about 67. who was the last person of the opposite sex i talked to? female was ella and male was like a casual friend tim 68. who’s the last person i had a deep conversation with? damn, probably my best male friend or my ex  69. do i believe in soulmates? yepper (69? nice) 70. is there anyone i would die for? ending with a big one i see, okay i see how it is. yes, there are many people i would die for.

[dyketectivecomics]

So...what ARE you feelings on bruce being a Pisces? Let alone that Cass is an Aquarius, Dick is an Aries, Jason's a Leo and Tim's a cancer?

I slowly shut my laptop and set it aside on my bed, staring ahead at nothing in particular as I reminisce on a favorite Pisces in my life. My best friend since childhood, a girl who i’ve known for well over a decade, more than half of my life really, who happens to share the exact same birthday as Fictional Character Bruce Wayne. A Pisces-cusp.

I think on the similarities I see between them, the qualities of her character that only I and a few others would know, and try to think on how others have perceived her before joining our friend group over the years. I admire her empathy, her passion for music and video games, her willingness to put all of her friends above herself. 

And then i remember how she drunk-texted our group chat last night just to tell us she loved us & that she couldn’t wait to hit up a gay bar with us when we’re all back in town.

And I cackle. Because if no one else does, I do see these qualities in Bruce Wayne’s character. Just a hair below all the so-called brooding and angst. Bruce is a water sign who’s a little emotionally stunted in that he tries to hide his feelings, but he feels oh-so-very much. He’s a Pisces trying to emulate a Scorpio and falling just short (bc lets be real, he’s got too many kids that he definitely dotes on) but yknow… it’s something that when he’s done correctly by writers, they somehow manage to fit those qualities in without even realizing, I think. Sure, he’s not a kid that I grew up with and there’s plenty of differences because my friend is, yknow, an actual person who’s more than a couple of personality traits. But damn if I don’t see similarities….

Now, as for the rest of the kids & others that I relate them to… (under the cut, tagging as “long post” for mobile users just incase tumblr wants to be a butt again) Also a warning bc some of this will sound like I’m ripping from astrology sites but honestly just narrowed things down from my own personal experience with these signs. Take all of this observation & comparison with a grain of salt, if you wish.

Cass is an aquarius, like myself. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t see more than a few similarities in what few scattered stories I’ve been able to read so far (or even that I might be prone to reading a bit too much into some of it bc hey, I have a fav now & I want to see myself in her, sue me). One of these days I’m probably going to sit down and really dive in, but for now, I gather what I can, listen to the meta that others have, and ofc, try to form my own opinion. 

That being said, an eccentric-ass Aquarius is really the only choice to take over the mantle from a sensitive-ass Pisces, and everyone can fite me on this. Aquarians & Pisces, my friend and I, Bruce and Cass- all on a similar wavelength, esp when they’re encouraging each other and learning to grow from one another.

Cass is an air sign that most people only see as being grounded because of the discipline David Cain instilled in her from childhood. She’s funny, wise beyond her years, and intensely dedicated to the mission at hand bc of what it means to help others as a whole. And this is fault that I see in myself and in her: she’s got plenty of empathy for those she might already be close to, and absolutely cares about humanity in a greater sense, but caring for individuals without getting to know them can be uncomfortable. She’s driven, but can be blindsided by that dedication and burn herself out easily if others don’t intervene. Also, an introverted extrovert, one who’s absolutely ready to meet with others and collaborate/team-up, but can get a little lost in her own head from time-to-time.

…

Now, Dick the Aries. My other best friend since childhood also shares this sign with my First Favorite Robin. And I do see more than a number of parallels between the two of them. My aries friend has a penchant for taking over projects and setting themselves in charge of the operation. But they also have the charm and ingenuity to make themselves to seem the perfect and best fit for that leadership position. They’re rebellious, a little brash in decision-making, but they’ve also mellowed out over the years in many small ways. Still on fire about what they’re most passionate about in life, and more than willing to achieve it by any means necessary, damn anyone who thinks that they won’t.

There’s a popular consensus in fanon to make dick a kind of hufflepuff who’s just there for his friends & loves hugs and is lovey all around- but Dick is driven. He cares for his friends fiercely and will help them absolutely, but he’s ready to avenge them too. He’ll punch you in the face, pirouette with the utmost amount of sass, and then make you feel bad for making him do it in the first place. He’s got that bit of deviousness that will make you second guess his intentions. But if you’re already part of his inner circle, you have nothing to fear from him. And that’s where his lovey side then has room to come out.

…

Moving on to Jason the leo, and I know you didn’t ask, but Im adding Stephanie to this discussion as well since she’s a leo too. A few leos that I’ve gotten to know over the years can be summed up very lovingly as this: attention whores. (again. very lovingly. i love each and every one of those bitches so damn much, this is something they’ve each used to describe themselves lmao)

Leo is the King of the Zodiac, commanding attention in the room whenever they walk in. They’ve got plenty to say, of course, and they’re excellent diplomats/socialites in many ways. Often best suited for a leadership position. They know how to read the conversation and the room and turn it best into their favor. They will dazzle you with their wit and charm, but also in their knowledge of the subject at hand. If they have an Opinion, they’ll absolutely let you know what it is, and they’re not afraid to hold back on what they perceive to be a truth. Some will have a bit more tact than others, but they’re a fire sign, after all. 

Did this just describe Jason & Steph? well maybe not to some, but I definitely see their drive to complete their own missions & joining up Bruce’s crusade as Leo qualities. Steph and Jay are willing to do what it takes and butt heads with whoever they must if it means doing what they see is right. They’re absolutely social people too (maybe Steph a bit more than Jay will be), and you can’t deny they’ve both got a certain kind of charm over the rest of the family.

…

Tim the cancer sign… this is… difficult actually. One of the few signs that I don’t recall having significant interaction with. (& honestly the character & Robin that I have the least personal interest in. I do want to like him but I just…??? Havent rlly found the time to put into reading up on him more)

But just going off the water sign aspect, and knowing water signs in my life… Emotions & emotional intelligence are obviously going to be at the forefront. From what I’ve gathered on Tim, he’s very well-rounded in all areas of his life, and driven to succeed at whatever he’s set his mind to. I can absolutely respect the strength his character has commanded over the years, and his popularity is absolutely earned, I think. Writers have worked hard to make sure he’s distinct from Dick & Jason before him in many ways, and I’ll have to look deeper into his character & listen to more meta on him before I’ll be comfortable to speak further on that.

…

To round out this discussion, I want to bring Barbara into the mix, because she’s had a fixed birthday for awhile now. And tbh she’s just as much part of the family as the rest I think (yes, I know some people get Babs fatigue bc she’s the first batgirl & gets the other girls lost in the shuffle but hey! I’ve loved her for awhile now!) She is *drum roll* a Libra!

Now, this ones a bit tricky, bc the most important Libra in my life is my mom. Buuuut, she and Babs are both cusps… on opposite ends of this zodiac sign. I admire my mother for her resolve, inventiveness, work ethic, and stability. I also loathe her tendency to micromanage projects, become overly involved in the work of others (to the point where she WILL find out whats going wrong) and how she tends to overwork herself (just this past spring has been really really difficult. I’m surprised she hasn’t worked herself into the grave with the amount of stress she puts on herself)

Now some of these qualities, I absolutely see in Babs. But I also see a bit more awareness in her character, esp when she’s grown up into her Oracle persona. She seems able to recognize what she’s doing and how she’s affecting others, and will sometimes use that to her advantage. She’s a character who’s grown into the adversity she faces & doesnt let it change her resolve for completing the mission, even if it needs to be from a new (& probably better) angle. She adapts well to change, or forces the change to adapt to her. She is a force to be reckoned with and admired.

…

All of this to say… at the end of the day, the stars are still just balls of gas and light that sit some billion light-years away from us. Do they really control our personalities? I mean, probably not. But there’s enough similarities in those traits to make you wonder… and it’s honestly just a Good Fun Time regardless.