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angst-fairygodmother · 4 years ago

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“Are you planning to stay glued to my side this whole evening?” with diego alsooooo i love youuuuu

A/N: Thank you for choosing Fic Flash Pass (happy much-belated birthday). I would like to express through the following series of emojis how excited I am to finally write a fic for you: 😁💙💙🎉🎈😁 Word Count: 2517

Being close friends with Diego Hargreeves meant putting up with a lot of weird shit over the years. It meant late nights where he showed up injured or exhausted and needing your help. It meant occasional knives flying past your head when you startled him. It meant his paranoia and lectures about how it wasn’t safe to walk home alone at night, even though he had taken the time to teach you self-defense early on in your friendship. For a while it meant repeated “just for one night” instances of his strung-out brother sleeping on your couch (because he was refusing treatment, and even though he wouldn’t admit it Diego cared enough about him to want to make sure he’d be okay). And you put up with all of it, without complaint, because Diego was worth it.

You thought at this point that nothing he asked of you could surprise you anymore. And then he asked you to attend his sister’s wedding. Or really, practically begged you to be his date.

You were pulling a bullet out of his shoulder, lecturing him about how he was taking too many unnecessary risks, and if he was going to keep going after bad guys then he needed to start wearing better protective gear and he was damn lucky that his knife-harness was there to mitigate the wound.

“Allison’s getting married,” he blurted out, cutting you off before you could start in on the second, familiar branch of your lecture (that he should really be getting his wounds treated by someone with actual medical expertise, not just a little first aid training).

“Oh,” you said, not quite a question but also not quite not. You weren’t sure what he wanted you to do with that information.

“I have to go to the wedding,” he continued stiffly.

“That makes sense. She is your sister.” You raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t asking me to muck up this bullet removal so you have an excuse not to, are you?”

You were loath to admit that if that was indeed what he was asking, you might just do it. There wasn’t a lot you wouldn’t do if he asked, and after all this time you knew how to do it in a way that wouldn’t actually cause him worse harm.

“I can’t go alone!” His eyes were wide and frightened, as if attending Allison’s wedding was a fate less than death that he had been asked to undertake. You couldn’t help but laugh at the expression.

“I’m sure you can find a date, handsome guy like you. And Patch is still a friend, so she’d go. If only out of pity.” You smiled teasingly.

“Will you…” he mumbled. “W-w-will you go with me?”

Your breath caught in your throat. Part of you questioned if you heard him correctly. But if anything, his stutter made it more sure than less. He only stuttered when something was really emotional for him, when his mind was fighting itself. But you didn’t understand why (or maybe you did and just didn’t want to admit it).

“If you still want me to after the next five minutes,” you said, trying to calm your racing heart by collecting the supplies for the next part of his care. “Then I would be happy to go to your sister’s wedding with you, Diego. What else are friends for?”

“Why wouldn’t I--” his question was cut off with a shout of pain as you pressed a cloth soaked in antiseptic to the wound.

“Because of that,” you smirked, quickly cleaning the area and covering it over with gauze and binding.

The ballroom where the reception was held was beyond opulent: towering flower arrangements, crystal chandeliers and gleaming golden candelabras, and every spare inch draped in ivory silk. You could practically see yourself reflected in the polished surface of the floors.

“Wow,” you breathed. “Your sister really spared no expense…”

Diego shrugged uncomfortably. “Allison’s always been a little dramatic,” he mumbled.

“It’s pretty,” you turned to smile at him. “Anyway, you should go mingle and at least say hello to her. I’m going to find our table.”

Diego followed you as you wandered off into the dining portion of the reception hall. When you raised a questioning eyebrow, he mumbled something about it making sense for him to know where the table was too, so he didn’t have to hunt later. You shrugged.

After setting down your purse and shawl, you decided to mingle, maybe pick at a few of the hors d'oeuvres laid out on long, extravagant table displays. Once again, Diego trailed just behind you. You tried to ignore the oddity of the behavior as you picked up a shrimp puff and set it on one of the heavy little china plates. The fact that he wasn’t saying anything as he hovered annoyed you most of all.

After the third conversation that you tried to have with other guests that ended in an awkward glance over your shoulder at a glowering Diego and a hasty retreat with a half-assed excuse, you decided you’d had enough. He hadn’t gone to offer his congratulations to Allison and Patrick. He hadn’t so much as looked around for his other siblings or anyone else he might know. He hadn’t eaten anything. He just...followed you. It was very odd behavior and it was getting on your last nerve.

Setting your empty dish down heavily on an empty table space, not even caring whose it was, you turned to him, arms folded over your chest.

“Alright, that’s it,” you snapped, not caring who might overhear. “What is going on with you?”

He frowned, puzzled and tried to deny that there was anything going on.

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit. You have been looming and lurking and following me around like a lost puppy since we got here. Are you planning to stay glued to my side this whole evening?”

His frown deepened, and he opened his mouth to speak, only to snap it shut again with an audible click.

“Because if you are, the least you can do is dance with me.” You held out a hand. “It is a wedding after all.”

Hesitantly, he took your hand and let you lead him out onto the dance floor. He pulled you close to him, one hand in yours and the other wrapped around his waist. You placed your free one on his shoulder, his suit jacket soft and warm beneath your palm. You felt your face heat under his gaze, now focused down on you and you tried not to let it faze you, focusing on a slight crease in his lapel as if that would let you escape it.

The two of you twirled across the floor, falling into easy step together, each surprised at the other’s dancing abilities.

You licked your lips nervously. Something about being here like this with him was making you think about things you had pushed aside (namely the crush on him that you had developed and decided early on in your friendship wasn’t worth the risk of losing him in your life, fearing that you could never compare to his detective) and you wanted it to stop. But at the same time, for a moment everything was perfect, and you didn’t want to ruin it.

“So…” you said eventually as the two of you slowed and the song changed. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”

His hand shifted slightly, tugging you a little closer to him, your face practically pressed to his chest, as the next song began. As you danced and he avoided answering your question, you decided to find the answer on your own. You knew him well enough.

There was a slight tremor in his hand which gripped yours a little tighter than necessary. His jaw is set tightly, twitching just enough for you to suspect he’s grinding his teeth together. His breath is a little short. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was...afraid?

“Seriously, Diego, are you alright?” you murmured, trying to catch his eye.

He startled at the sound of your voice. “What?”

“You’re acting really strangely and you seem...upset. You haven’t spoken to your sister at all even though it’s her wedding.”

“I’m not upset. And I’ll talk to Allison later, she’s busy with all her other guests,” he argued, eyebrows knitting in a frown.

“You’re not upset? Okay, then explain to me why you’re holding my hand so tightly you’ll be getting a bill from my physical therapist on Monday.”

He dropped your hand like it had burned him and stuttered out an apology.

“Relax, it was a joke.” You frowned. “Let’s go out to the balcony. I feel like we both could use some air.”

Without waiting for an answer you grabbed his arm and dragged him in the direction of the double doors and the candle-lit, if slightly chilly, night. As soon as you passed out of the crowded room, you could feel the tension pour off of Diego and you breathed a sigh of relief. The pair of you moved to lean on the rail, shoulders just barely brushing.

“I...don’t belong here,” he sighed. “I’m just going to screw something up.”

“What are you talking about Diego?”

He shook his head. “Allison has this grand life. Big movie star L.A. life, and if I talk to her I’ll...what would we even talk about? We haven’t seen each other in years. I haven’t seen any of them in years.”

“That’s not true, you saw Klaus six months ago,” you joked, not sure how else to comfort him.

You knew what he was trying to say. He felt like Allison had moved on, and built a new life where her siblings were unwelcome, the invitation to her wedding a mere formality that for some reason all of them, save, thankfully, their father, had accepted. And on some level, you thought, he was probably right.

“Is that why you were nervous to ask me to be your date? Not that I’m a date-date, but I can imagine why having a real date would make things weirder and that’s really not the point, anyway...Because you don’t think you should have come at all?” you asked.

He shrugged.

“No,” you said, turning to face him and taking one of his hands in both of yours. “Please talk to me Diego. Maybe I can help?”

“How could you possibly help, Y/N?” he snapped, running his free hand through his short-cropped hair.

“I don’t know! You’ve got me playing damn guessing games when I came to this wedding where all I know is you and the junkie in the corner talking to the air,” you gestured back through the doors at Klaus who was doing exactly that, “for you. Because I care about you, and I thought maybe you needed, maybe you wanted me here. So you tell me Diego. Or maybe I should just leave.”

“No!” his eyes widened at the threat. “Please don’t leave.”

You pressed your lips together, feeling tears well up in your eyes and praying that no one thought to glance outside to where the two of you were arguing. If there was a way to ruin a wedding it was the bride’s brother and his date having a screaming match. You had said your piece, so now you watched him expectantly, waiting for him.

He sighed deeply and turned away from you, eyes seeming to focus on a point off in the gardens below somewhere.

“I knew this whole thing was going to be uncomfortable,” he explained very slowly, and you instinctively reached over again to cover one of his hands with yours where it gripped the bannister tightly.

“But I thought it would be worse not to come at all.”

You nodded in understanding, leaning closer to hear him better over the wind and the din from inside.

“And everything’s easier when...with you So I thought...”

Your heart skipped a beat. In all the years of your friendship, he had never said anything like that before. You knew that you counted him among your best friends, and that he didn’t have very many friends in general, making you one of a rare and exclusive caliber, but to hear him come this close to admitting it was strange and new and oddly thrilling.

“But,” he glanced back at you before returning to his vigil, “you looked so beautiful tonight that,” he shook his head, “instead it reminded me of how incredible you are, and how it’s just one more thing for me to ruin.”

“Diego,” you frowned. “I don’t understand. What’s one more thing for you to ruin? My outfit? I would be pretty pissed if I was dressed like this and you pulled your usual superhero nonsense and bled all over me or something but I don’t think that’s going to be a problem here.”

“Don’t joke, Y/N. Not when I’m trying to be serious.”

“I’m not joking Diego. Okay maybe I am a bit, but only because I’m not following you. What don’t you want to ruin?”

“You!” he cried, throwing himself back around to face you. “I don’t want to ruin you!”

You resisted the urge to call attention to the innuendo there, especially since doing so would probably include admitting that you would not mind it a wink. Instead you bit your lip, thinking fast and trying to piece together what he was saying to you, about you.

“How could you possibly ruin me Diego?” you blurted out. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I’ve already started you know,” he mused softly. “You don’t even flinch anymore when I show up injured and need you to stitch a wound or dig out shrapnel or glass. You have such a good heart and care so much, I don’t want you to end up...like me.”

“There is nothing in the world that could get me to dress in leather and fight bad guys and get punched a lot. And the rest of you, I don’t see how it would be a bad thing to be like.”

He scoffed.

“I’m serious Diego. After all, you have the biggest, sweetest heart and soul in the city. Or you wouldn’t be out there every night saving people. It’s what I love most about you.”

Your hand came up to cup his jaw instinctively, marveling at the feel of his stubble against your palm and how perfectly fit it seemed to be to rest there. He looked beautiful in the dim lights, like an artist’s painting of a hero or a god. You breath caught in your throat as he leaned into your touch, his eyes fluttering shut.

“Y/N, I…” he reached blindly out for you, catching your other wrist in his hand, sliding down hesitantly to lace his fingers through yours.

“Diego, unless I’ve read the room completely wrong, there’s nothing more that needs to be said,” you chuckled. “So just shut up and kiss me, already?”

#don't think I forgot my promise for your birthday to jump your first request/a fic for you once we shared a fandom to the top of the queue #this ended up very Soft so I hope that's cool #😅#Diego Hargreeves x Reader #The Umbrella Academy fic #p.s. LOVE YOU TOO

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ceruleanvulpine · 6 years ago

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Commentary on the statement sequence from can’t live on prayers like these?

Gladly! (The story in question is here.)

The first thing about this statement is that it’s also about Jon and Martin. This probably is not necessary to point out, as I wasn’t very subtle, but that was my main goal in writing it: to tell a story with a similar enough dynamic that it would set both of them on edge, even if they didn’t explicitly think about it in those terms. (Elias picked the statement out. It’s not in the fic that he did this on purpose, but…) The second thing is that I absolutely do not know the rest of the story about Elise and her brother, or even what entity was involved; I didn’t want to write a whole horror story within this story, or I never would have finished it. I do feel bad for Caroline though. The third thing is that when I was almost finished with this fic, I broke my self-imposed catching-up hiatus and listened to Another Twist, and then got mad at Jonny for writing a much clearer parallel than I was. (I love Another Twist! I love it for reasons unrelated to Jon/Martin parallels, even. But at the time I was like… HEY…)

Some line by line notes under the cut:

> “Um, okay. Recorder’s on? Great. It’s been on this whole time. Wonderful.”

This is technically before the statement starts, but I want to point it out because I still think it’s funny, and also because I like Martin getting to be sarcastic.

> “I want to say something about Caroline was always weird, but that probably isn’t true — hindsight, right? No, to me she just seemed like your average severe female academic type, you know, short gray hair, very disciplined, dressed nicely enough in a don’t-notice-my-clothes way. No patience for people who didn’t take things seriously. I never saw her smiling, except when she was talking to Ben about their research. We got on fine at first, since I knew how much my brother wanted us to. But I started to hate that smile, because every time they made a breakthrough with their stupid theory something new would go wrong …”

So, writing in Magnus Archives statement style turned out to be very fun! I love how the actual statements mix casual speech with involved, weird as hell descriptions no one would ever say out loud, and it gave me liberty to fuck around. A+ do recommend.

Caroline is very much an archetype. Which I think actually sets her up as a character more effectively than Elise and Ben, who we don’t find much out about other than “suspicious” and “devoted” respectively. Scary Professional Woman With Secret Feelings is also … an archetype I am very weak to. Which might come through in the fact that she’s named after GLaDOS,

> He tries to look at nothing in particular, but his attention is drawn persistently towards Martin, and whether that is from some dread force or simple curiosity he doesn’t know.

Jon POV is also fun because when he’s not being drawn into things, he is still skeptical about what a weird life he’s having and thinks things like “some dread force” semi-sarcastically.

> “ … we used to tease him about having a crush on her, mostly because of how red he would turn whenever anyone —”

SORRY MARTIN. In hindsight I don’t know that this interruption is actually necessary — I think the idea was to break up the statement paragraphs and also emphasize how goddamn oblivious Jon is, but I don’t love it.

> “I think he really saw who she was and because of that he trusted her, more than she deserved. It doesn’t matter how clearly you see someone, if you won’t admit to yourself what you’re seeing…”

A thesis statement in the wild! It’s a little clumsy but I still like it. Martin knows Jon well and won’t let himself believe Jon is [unkind/beyond help/too fucking dumb to notice his huge crush]; Jon literally has supernatural seeing powers and yet does Not have a good grip on what Martin’s like or what he’s thinking at any given moment.

> He doesn’t know if she looked like this, or if he himself did, in the early days when he surfaced to Sasha or Martin’s interruptions. He can’t but think that if he had, someone would have made him stop.

Reading Statements Is Bad. I think probably Jon goes into a similar weird trance but doesn’t feel as drained and horrible afterwards.

> He doesn’t make Martin stop.

I love … implied self-recrimination. This is an acknowledgement of his own perceived selfishness even as he keeps doing it. It also leads into the next paragraph, wherein the prose starts to get weirder and more abstract as Jon stops being “a person sitting in a room listening to his coworker read a story” and starts being “the archivist listening to a statement” — it miIiight be too late for him to consciously make the choice to stop this?

> “Ben never would have shouted, of course, but he had this bitter, sulking tone in his voice that he always got if he couldn’t squash things down well enough to pretend he was okay with what was going on.” THIS IS A LINE ABOUT MARTIN THIS IS A LINE ABOUT MARTIN. Listen: I love Martin but he’s anxious and trapped and afraid and selfish and unpleasant to be around sometimes and I never want to write him solely as Soft Chill Dude. He gets to be (justifiably) short with Jon later, but he’s still expressing like .. futility, and giving up on communicating what he wanted to because What Was The Point Anyway, Everything Sucks And I Can’t Do Anything.

> Caroline didn’t sound sympathetic when she said, cold as anything, that he certainly couldn’t help her if he was dead.

I love this secondary character I made up, she’s terrible. She’s a little bit Gertrude, huh. I swear I did not do that on purpose.

> Jon watches Martin, but he doesn’t see him. He sees Elise and Ben and Caroline, standing in the kitchen and beholding something strange and new and fascinating. Caroline standing on the precipice of enlightenment and pressing on, needing to know no matter what sacrifice might be asked of her, not seeing that she might be made to sacrifice other than herself.

This is a little on the nose, literally using the word beholding and then describing a compulsion to keep digging for information. But needing to know is how Jon trips himself up at the end of the fic; he can’t accept a lie, and he doesn’t trust anything he doesn’t know everything about.

> The knowledge is an offering for Beholding, and he beholds it, and it is for him too.

> He is too far gone, here and not here, seeing and not seen.

I ended two paragraphs with this exact same sentence structure! What was I doing! I hate these sentences actually,

> If she doesn’t know what she did already, then me shouting at her wouldn’t help. I hope she knows. I hope she knows it’s her fault that Ben is gone, even if he volunteered. I hope she thinks about it every day, that she should have made him leave whether he wanted to or not. But she’s always been sure of herself. So I doubt it.

I know I said I didn’t know the rest of the story in this statement, but here’s a hint: Caroline sure does think about it!! She is not a happy person.

Returning to parallels, I realize that I added in this third narrator character to describe the action, and obviously she doesn’t match up directly to anyone; there is no one either telling Martin to get out or blaming Jon for letting him stay, except maybe, uh, Jon, who does a lot of telling himself he’s a monster.

But not a lot of letting that actually change his actions. At the end of the fic he concludes that his fear about doing this was right, and that Martin is horrified by him because of his increasing inhumanity; he totally fails to separate the statement reading — which is not good for Martin, and which the Elise-perspective on this would say is not something he should accept, but which was given willingly anyway — from the harm he does *in* freaking out and demanding information, which is a whole other problem, and which takes the dynamic from the statement in a different direction.

Whew, I feel sort of self-indulgent for typing all this up, so I hope you enjoy it! :)

#ceruleanrambling #ask meme #blue writes things

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hereticaloracles · 8 years ago

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Solar Eclipse in Pisces- The Messiah Complex

And it will be in the last days, says God, that I will pour out My Spirit on all humanity; then your sons and your daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams.” – The Bible, Acts 2:17

Effective Date: February 26, 2017

Helios’ Astrological Angle on the Solar Eclipse in Pisces– Well, here we go again… Another eclipse! This one is in Pisces, and is about to make the last one look like a walk in the park. Leo is drama, but Pisces is epic. This eclipse will drown us if we let it- Or you could step up to the challenge and deliver an Oscar-worthy performance, now that you are coming from a raw and vulnerable place. Use the emotion that this eclipse gives you, channel it- Let it elevate you, not drag you down under. When it comes to Pisces though, there is only one way to win- through surrender.

Artemis’ Tarot Take on the Solar Eclipse in Pisces- Welcome to being stuck between a rock and a hard place – aka sandwiched between two Eclipses. This is a slow, anxiety filled simmer, my friends, and the only way we can see ourselves out of this situation is to build a bomb shelter. Fuck, this is a difficult one, Heretics, no matter how I cut it for you. This is the judgement of God type of shit, and either you receive grace or you drown in this baptism. There really is no way out, that is for sure. This Eclipse is happening opposite the true node in Virgo, meaning we are being sucked into a fucking black hole. Put your space suits on, Heretics, because we are entering a strange new world and things are just going to keep getting weirder from here…

The Sun & Moon, Venus and Neptune– This whole eclipse feels ungrounded, like it is not actually taking place in this reality, but some nightmare parallel world that we somehow find ourselves in. Yet, even though it may not take place in THIS reality, it still affects us deeply. There is a major sense of loss to this eclipse, as though some crucial part of ourselves has vanished; but we still feel it, like a phantom limb that still aches. During this eclipse you will find that many old things that you once thought done and buried will be rising up to plague you once more. Deals finished, debts paid, and lovers long lost- all could return now. Pisces is the great catch-all sign: Everything ends up there sooner or later. It’s the sewer of the zodiac. In fact, looking at the asteroids, it very much seems like the emphasis will be love (then again, what isn’t, this year?). The cosmos are about to give you that love your heart has been begging for, sobbing at the moon at three in the morning doing arcane blood rituals just to try to get him to notice you while you stalk his dating profiles that he may or may not have blocked you on because you were being a crazy hoe. There is a catch though- This is all a very monkey’s paw sort of situation, and every wish granted comes with a price. This love will be toxic to you. You will understand that this is not the love you truly need, one way or another. Nothing about it will work, BUT you will be given the chance that you are begging for. You will get the opportunity to prove the universe wrong, and I wish you the best of luck in doing so. No matter how this shakes out, you will gain tremendous wisdom from this time.

Not only will you gain wisdom, but you will also gain perspective. You see, there is a part of you that still thinks it is your mission to save the world, on your own. More than that, you still think you have to sacrifice yourself to do so! This is not the way it has to be. You are just looking for a good excuse to take the easy way out. Stop. Now is the time where you step up and start taking responsibility for your life, taking ownership for the moments you have yet to live. This is your life, and you should know better than to sell it so cheaply. Now, I say all of that because this eclipse will be a siren’s song to that part of you- You will feel as though you are being called once again, like it was pre-2012. You will be inspired, and find a many others have been as well. You will feel as though you have a duty to DO something with this insight, but will be clueless as to what that is. You see, the insights come when we are still, present in ourselves, and open to the truth within our souls- After they come we try to share them, with the best of intentions, but then all of a sudden someone is starting up a new round of Crusades. Focus on your own life. Find the truth within yourself. The great coming together of 2012 was wrong in that it tried to be a physical meeting- in 2017 it must be a meeting of souls. (Minor Planets used: Hylonome, Orcus, Amor, Apophis, Pandora, Chariklo, Circe, Terpsichore, Heracles, Teharonhiawako, Asbolus)

Sun (Judgement), Moon (The Hierophant), Venus (9 of Wands), Neptune (7 of Cups)- Well, fuck. I pull the damn Judgement card followed by the Hierophant for the eclipse itself and “Bloody Mary” by Gaga begins playing on my radio. Let us not dismiss this Spotify Divination! This is definitely a spiritually flavored Eclipse, and how could it not be? It is in fucking PISCES, the sign of Jesus himself. And like Jesus, we are all being crucified by something or other right now, and the weight seems to be completely and utterly unbearable. How in the world did Jesus endure through all of that suffering? He gave himself up to a higher power, that’s how. Now, wait a minute before your mind starts attacking this concept! This is kinda like Alcoholics Anonymous (appropriate for a Pisces post), because I know a lot of us are going toward mind numbing activities just to get through these transits right now. In order to fight forces stronger than yourself, you must merge into something larger than yourself. Like the Zords in Power Rangers. Or The Backstreet Boys. People who otherwise could not power through on their own join together to become a swarm, protecting the whole’s purpose. And we must help each other, because this truly is like a black hole we are sinking into. Take a peak at what you need to see, like a black scrying mirror, but don’t stare too long! For the abyss will stare back at you, and you will be forever mesmerized into it’s depths.

Each of us is a Hierophant, an heir to a tradition, and that is coming to the surface more than ever right now. Remember 6 months ago – that last fucking Pisces Eclipse that essentially rocked our world – well here is the culmination of that tidal wave. What is it that your ancestors have passed down in your bloodline for you to accomplish? What is your “super power,” so to speak? We are taking a look back (this Eclipse is opposite the North Node), back, back I say! Back to the past so that we can see exactly what it is that we are meant to do – meant to be – meant to see. A trip through the past is rather violent, though, and especially ridden with depression and anxiety. Here there be dragons, and here there be the monsters of your past which you must confront once again. We have the power to heal ourselves of our past misery, but accept it as a necessary part of our merger with the divine. Pain leads to elation, but first we must uncork this bottle.

Remember, Heretics, this is Star Year and we are going to follow this muthafucka out of this forest, no matter what monsters we run into on the way. The trees may be getting thicker, and we may have some cloudy nights, but that star will emerge again. You must have faith this year, and as I announced at the start of the year, your faith will be tested over and over again. Do you trust those you are intimate with? Do you trust your government? Do you trust the masses? Do you trust yourself? All the things you hold dear are being attacked (9 of Wands), but these fights are what is going to make you transcend. These trials are like sandpaper, and you will eventually emerge polished, and they will be rendered useless.

Mercury- So Mercury, all on his own out here, is the true central figure to this eclipse. He has just moved into Pisces, and as such, he is on the South Node of the Moon. What this means is that for this Eclipse, we have a true conduit to the divine, the world beyond ours. Now, the more lightworkery among you might take this as a chance to start throwing around words like “Higher Self” “Ascension” and “Multi-Dimensional Time” or some other such buffoonery, to which I say NO! This isnt 2011 anymore, we know better now. What IS going to happen is this: The skies will part for you, and you will receive a vision. This can take many forms, but in some way during this period you will come to a realization about your life and where you are along the path. For most of us, this will be a rude awakening, a painful one. For some it will even be horrifying, as if they awoke from a pleasant dream into a living nightmare. You will be challenged to destroy those things in your life which are holding you back from your success, from following your passions, and you will not want to do it. It will feel like you are giving up your lifeline to your past, because that is exactly what you are doing. You no longer need the lifeline, what you need is to find the courage to dive into the here and now. Cut the cord and take the plunge. (Minor Planets used: Pelion, Typhon, Quaoar, Hygeia, Eros)

Mercury (The Chariot)- Our dreams, the visions we have, all of these things are as real as the world we live in now. The thing is, these material objects you see in the world in front of you today – your computer, your whiskey, your car, the restaurant you ate at last night – these things were all dreams before manifest reality. And we want to create, we really do! But we have no fucking idea what to do. We feel trapped in other people’s creations – pushed up against a wall with their judgement being cast down upon us. And just like the last Pisces Eclipse, we can’t see a god damn fucking thing in regards to where we need to go. This can lead to HEAPS of anxiety and a feeling of being lost forever. Without a vision for the future, where the fuck are we in the vast expanse of space? Sure, this Eclipse is making it literally impossible to see the future clearly, but this is for a very, very fucking important reason. We must create it. What are the visions you are seeing? What is your past trying to teach you? Visit with the ghosts, but do not stay here. They will suck you in and keep you there forever – like Hotel fucking California. Get the information you need, and get the fuck out.

We must manifest these visions into reality, and the conduit to all of this is us. We are the medium for the visions, and once we accept ourselves as a vessel – a cup for the divine waters to pour into – only then will be ready to receive. Yeah, more surrendering shit, but would you rather struggle and drown? You have no fucking idea where you are right now, why not answer that call? Are you afraid that you may hear you have been crawling through the thick because you have veered off your path too far? Wouldn’t you rather know? Don’t slide into Piscean escapism. You must make a move. You must use this water energy to manifest your deepest desires. Because if you don’t, you can sure as hell expect a great deal of punishment from yourself. And no one can save you from yourself but you.

Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Pluto– So we need to talk about something. Roiling around in your subconscious is the deep and abiding fear that you are insignificant and impotent in the world, and that you will soon be exposed for it. You must confront this very soon, as it will be thrown up in your face if you do not. All your fears will come true if you refuse to face them. You are unconsciously acting from a place of deep fear right now, and what you think is you getting ahead is actually cutting yourself off at the knees. You need to examine your motivations before you make any choices now, lest your decisions lead to your undoing. You cannot trust in yourself implicitly, you have to second guess everything. This is good, because nothing truly makes sense on its own right now- You are caught up in the churn. You will be dragged down and swept out to sea if you don’t keep your head up. There are so many currents trying to claim you as their own right now, and all you want is some dry land to rest on; Unfortunately there is none in sight- You have to keep swimming until you reach the shore. As above, there will be some majorly weird synchronicity the past, old issues resurfacing that you had long since forgotten about- These will be deeply personal, and you have the chance to end them once and for all. It could, however, return something lost that you miss very dearly. If that is the case, then you have a second chance at it, and will have to move on it quickly before it slips away again. You are a different person, even from how you were a month ago. In these times, you can grow as much in a month as it used to take in a year. Showcase how you have changed. In doing so, you may realize that what has returned no longer serves you, and if that happens do not allow nostalgia to override common sense- Move on and act in your own self-interest. This may seem difficult, but remember; Rough seas make for strong sailors, and a lot of sea-sickness! (Minor Planets used: Atlantis, Osiris, Askalaphus, Eris, Echeclus, Hebe, Ixion, Isis, Siwa, Cyllarus, Deucalion, Pallas Athene)

Mars (5 of Cups), Jupiter (5 of Pentacles), Saturn (Empress), Uranus (Page of Wands) and Pluto (King of Swords)- So what do you do when you are being literally crushed? You let go. You become a dream. Or you become an explosion and clear that motherfucking debris out. Pisces wants you to surrender, and that is going to be a hard as fuck thing for a lot of you to do. Do not feel shame. Do not feel guilt. Let it all go and start again, and only then will you be able to see clearly the road you were always meant to follow; because that road isn’t some illusion put there by others. Because that road isn’t something that you are told to go on, but one that your ancestral line has been following for generations. When we are stuck in the waters, we must follow the current – not fight it. Breathe…. breathe… and let go. In the end, you are the only one who will manifest judgement on yourself. You have the power to see past the wrong judgement because your cause is far greater than what has been placed before you. You are not here to save the billions of other beings on this planet. We must give mercy and grace to others so that one day, perhaps, they will learn to lay mercy on their own lives. Remember, the only person who can save you in the end is yourself.

We sit here and we punish ourselves for our dreams, and allow forces to control our perception of reality. This happens to the best of us, over and over again, but we must not give up. We have been given this amazing chance to live in this beautiful realm, and we cannot give our power to others. We must take our power back and wield a fucking sword (King of Swords). You may have to do things you do not want to do, but you know you must do them. This lunation isn’t about feeling comfortable. It will do everything in it’s power to make you feel uncomfortable so that you either choose to completely give up and join the collective (oh Pisces), or power through like the force of a Volcano into a newly polished ego (hello Aries season, coming up next!). Everything is being taken from you, stripped from you so that you realize what the real stuff of reality is. Sometimes we need to be told to eat cake by an out of touch lunatic before we rise up and realize our true power. There is no poverty of the heart. You are making it up. You are giving yourself excuses not to accept the love that is around you. You deserve it. Deep down, every monster is a child begging to be loved (hello Uranus as the Page of Wands), but somewhere along the way they have been told they are worthless by someone who had a lack of self love. This lack of self love is like a virus that can spread, from parent to child or lover to lover or friend to friend. The chaos wants you to create, it is saying you have everything you need accept for your own faith in yourself! You’re drowning in your self doubt. Would you allow someone you saw drowning to drown? If you would help them, you can surely help yourself. This is like the trials of Hercules, folks, and if you don’t have the grit to get through it, you wont get the grace you so long for. Reality is harsh right now. Our faults are being magnified, but that is because we wont be able to make it if we don’t fix these blemishes. Confront your monsters, have faith in yourself and do not run, because through the trials we face lie the gates to salvation.

Solar Eclipse in Pisces- The Messiah Complex was originally published on Heretical Oracles

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