#thinking abt how nothings felt right since graduating high school but it feels even less right since quitting boxing last year

[ducktollers]

i miss boxing

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review ch (76 & 77)

So, I decided to read the manga mainly in search for a more natural balanced female presentation than the idealistic, shallower, savior depiction of tohru in the anime.

I’m intentionally skipping all the chapters of her as a (mother figure) in yuki’s life & won’t read them or even visit them for comparison with the anime. I love yuki’s growth story & the unique depiction of his platonic relationship with tohru, but if his mother-tohru phase was a drink, then the anime has force fed it to me till it came from my nose! So, for yuki, I’ll be reading his growth past-his mother confession.

I’ve consulted my lovely manga readers friends & thy recommended starting from ch 90 since the content in that chapter was completely cut! but some recommended checking kyoto chapters first since they contain a nice glimpse of the author’s style & artistic vision. Kyoto ep in the anime isn’t focused on “mom-tohru” so, i like the idea! I’ll jump to ch 90 right after ch 77.

- Subtle growth of a woman ( Clash of visions & presentation between the manga’s “ Loosing the wallet with mom’s photo vs the anime’s fractured photo frame):

I really love the underlined connotation of tohru loosing her “mom” unknowingly! In the anime, this scene played without any reference to kyoko & tohru’s attachment to her. We saw tohru the teenage girl confused as she experience romantic love for the first time. Nothing more than that. But the manga says “ Main female MC is way deeper than a (mom-figure) or a (girl in love), In this panel, tohru chases after kyo & unknowingly looses her famous wallet containing her mom’s picture. Here’s what this subtly indicates:

 Normally, tohru would notice right away that her wallet is missing, here she never even notice until kyo suggest they hang out together. Subtly indicating that tohru is moving further & further from her phase of “ an afraid, grieving, abandoned child clinging to her mom”.

Normally, tohru would panic, say “ mom is missing” & everyone around her goes into search mode to make tohru at ease (hiro’s ep). Here once she notices, she says “ my wallet is missing” & kyo relaxed & laughingly gives her her wallet back. While he goes to bring the wallet, tohru instead of thinking “ oh nearly lost mom!” is musing over the fact that “it’s strange that kyo can make me happy or sad with one word only”. Subtly indicating that tohru is replacing her mom with kyo as part of growing up from the child she was to the woman she will be.

Tohru calling kyo “mysterious”, subtly explains that tohru is in the uncertain phase of understanding her feelings as a woman & hence, pave the path for upcoming trauma exploration & psychological depth.

The entire scene in the manga is depicted to convey different layers: romance, upcoming growth, & unexplored traumatic issues of abandonment, grief, & human weakness. “ Accepting human Weakness & change” IS the manga’s vision.

In the anime, the fractured picture worked simply becuz no issues of any traumatic experiences with tohru were ever hinted. Nothing abt tohru being a young woman moving away from a traumatic childhood was ever implied beside the weakly sharply cut & forgotten few scenes of her mysteriously going “ im okay” while remembering her dad’s shrine. Was there ever anything abt replacing her mom with kyo? Nope!. Was there anything abt tohru reluctance of loving kyo? Nope! to fix that, let’s shock the audience with empty photo frame! It’ll make the viewers confused & if we play the climax right & give tohru a tearjerker speech confronting akito, all is good. It worked in the anime as it served the purpose it was created for: shock value & drama. ppl bought it. But in the long run, it cemented tohru as the “savior angel” never the “ weak human”. But not many will have issues with that. Having yuki with his impressive story of growth & kyo with his shocking story of pain is enough to distract from the rest. The director must think: What does the audience want?

a woman who’d save the prince with her motherly care?“ Done!”.

a woman who’d love the monster? “ Done !”. 

a woman who has her own deep story? no one will miss that~ skip!

-Yuki’s next stage of growth: Friends:

I like how smoother the scene played here. Yes, yuki thinks back to his gratitude to tohru, but it plays subtly & more emphasis is on his friendship with kakeru. No added scene of him waving back to tohru after kakeru which brought the focus back to mom-tohru again. No. Here is way less shoved in your throat. Yuki says how he felt in the moment, moved on to the next stage, thought abt his life & choives, moved on to school. Clear lines that makes yuki more dynamic & way less “ living in his head” character.

Side Notes:

The manga’s art is pretty but expressive! I was afraid it’ll have that weird eyes bigger than the moon & too much sparkles & bubbles like the usual old shojo manga art!

Yuki is way more expressive than the anime & less pretty & sparkly! I welcome this with flowers & songs! lol.

Tohru has “low” pigtails instead of the child-like high pigtails! YES! it is crazy that this trivial change adds so much to tohru’s presentation to the viewers’ eyes. In real life no big deal but in an artistic medium such choices send subliminal messages to viewers minds, that’s why artists spend a lot of time choosing their characters default appearance. It means a lot for the character’s overall path & sends messages. High child-like pigtails: make her look like innocent & naive child since viewers usually associate such hair do with children & toddlers. Low pigtails: are cute girly style that we associate with teenagers & young adult women, it’s practical & cute.

Kyo’s looks as youthful & handsome as the anime but less angry, annoyed & more versatile in his expression! It always bothered me that the anime just go with kyo’s default frowned face, hands in pocket looks unless he should express a key emotion. Also, kyo without an undershirt in his uniform! interesting change from the anime.

I missed kyo’s two buddies! T_T. Why they weren’t in the anime’s finale.. could’ve at least put them in the underwhelming graduation ceremony ~

I really appreciate that yuki’s fanclub are one page, less annoying.

That awkward moment when a manga panel drawn by one person can depict a crowded city more than an anime with a huge team. Like the anime didn’t even need to zoom out for a huge wide shot that showcase its weakness in depicting a crowded city. If you can’t draw that, just zoom in to lessen the effect of emptiness. kyoto isn't a deserted area especially not during a school trip!

The teachers checking on the sneaking vs sleeping students scene is a welcoming sight! XDDD

Hana met kakeru before? saw him & tohru together? weird!!

Kakeru is more focused on tohru here.

I really love the photos taken for everybody. It indicates real good time! Hana eating, yuki around girls, arisa annoyed, kyo teased with playing card: did the play “rich man poor man” again? XD

I’m starting to love yuki more in the manga than the anime!

Kyo having short inner thought abt not being able to tell tohru a girl confessed to him & deciding to say “ none of ur business” is doing wonders to the scene!!! it makes him less mean to tohru & more balanced character. I mean I guessed so in the anime, but what could've prevented making the VA say this short line of inner thought?! Yuki’s VA says essays & essays in nearly every ep abt nearly every character?!.

I liked the way kyo held tohru’s hands when he turned to her, the way he held her hand in the anime is a bit weird. lol. Also, in this scene, tender gentle kyo is so well-done both in the anime & manga. The manga wins for the zoom in & focus on emotions, tho.

Next is chapter 90!

[kachinnate]

reblogn’t, there’s nothing too triggery about this it’s just semi personal re: how one of my ex-best friends ruined lgw from b//mc for me and also just like... in the same vein the Less Discussed portion of my spring of ‘19 Traumas bc this ex-best friend out of 3 caused the least damage and therefore in my mind he got away with a lot more

i’ve just been thinkin about it a lot, idk. i don’t think i’ve ever talked about this specific thing to anyone (explicitly or in detail) and it’s bothered me for so long and i know talking about it on here fixes nothing rlly but.. idk! some kayla lore if you wanted it, mayhaps this will get deleted in like ten minutes after being posted so get it hot while you can

just for context my junior year of high school (aka the Worst One) i drove my at-the-time best friend to school every day -- we lived like a street away from each other, and he didn’t like the Bus and he wasn’t always able to take his mom’s car because we both did theatre together and therefore would be at the school for a Long Ass Time, and like... he was my friend! so i drove him to school! and.. in times like that, it was a good incentive to get myself up, too, cuz shit was lowkey rough back then and i’d feel bad if i made both of us late. 

said best friend was super into musical theatre - like, he wanted to be a musical theatre major, so he’s super well versed on like Most Musicals all the classics w/e .. snob doesn’t feel like the right word bc sometimes he genuinely Did like stuff that was simply Silly/dumb for the sake of it being Silly/dumb but it’s the closest word i can think of. i was constantly embarrassed that my favorite musical was d//eh, and to this day he still barely knows anything about it because 1. he himself didn’t listen/pay much attention to it and 2. despite it literally being my hyperfixation since like my sophomore year, i didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about it bc of what few criticisms he gave it. but he did know it was my fav, he knew that i had a Love for w/rol bc i talked abt him a lot. 

lgw was the first thing from b//mc broadway to get released - and i know like 3-4 different versions of it got released too lmao but this was like the Very First One, i’d never heard it before! i didn’t realize it’d been released until i was idling in front of his house so naturally i was like “oh bet let’s listen to it together” 

he didn’t really like b//mc either for the same reasons he didn’t like d//eh, but it was like... much less so, idk - he liked m//itb so like i figured it was indifference at best.. but regardless uh my fuckin car i’m gonna listen to it if i want to <3 also like if it was good i doubt he’d care abt what it was from 

anyway, he got in, and i played it. the drive to school isn’t that far, so it finished like, while we were in the busy lane waiting to turn into our high school

and like i was really “:DD” bc like it was good that w/rol note held out at the end was kinda Magical and also in context of the musical??? wow YES jeremy finally getting his Protagonist Song(tm) he deserves it and it makes me feel !!!

i hadn’t said anything yet, but literally the first words out of my friend’s mouth were some semblance of “wow, that was terrible” which like. yeah. killed the mood pretty quick skdjgnsdf

he like started digging Into it like making fun of the chorus and will’s voice and i was kinda just quiet like “oh,,, i guess,,” bc i didn’t know what else to do, like i felt bad immediately trying to defend it bc i’d only heard it that One time and also confrontation is hard and confrontation specifically w him was hard, especially bc he was like Genuinely ragging on the song, not in a jokey way

and like.... he eventually stopped because he could tell i was genuinely getting distressed and he kept going like “hey it’s nbd kayla it’s not like you wrote the song” which jsdkgsd to this day i’m not sure what that means or why he thought it’d be comforting but. whatever. the whole thing made me feel really bad and inferior 

in the coming weeks of the actual b//mc soundtrack getting released he also made fun of ilpr at one point, how st/ephanie h/su was “”too much”” or something - idk. those criticisms didn’t bug me as much bc at that point i’d already been resigned about the whole thing, and it’s not like i played that song for him and he said that, he’d listened to it on his own time and just thought for some reason to mention it to me. 

and it’s frustrating, because i can’t even be like “he just doesn’t like new musicals”, bc he really liked h//adestown and there’s usually a musical or two from the tony’s every year he gets into, it was just like... the ones i liked he didn’t [pensive] and i know i know it wasn’t personal, he’s just LIKE that, but .... aughhh it really bothered me when he’d dig into stuff i liked and was always just like “u didn’t write it u didn’t make it” like that was supposed to make my interest in this Thing despite his Distaste ok.... 

and like despite this he was still the person i was closest to - this was merely a blip in the whole grand scheme of things, just.. something that bugged me. it took me until after i graduated to realize he’d been a sociopath, that he was never choosing me, i was just.. around, which. sucks. i spent a lot of time sitting with him in my car in front of his house talking about musicals and life for more hours than i’d like to admit. when he broke down crying on his 18th birthday telling us that he didn’t know if he’d ever be enough, i thought that i’d actually started to understand him. 

he’d been my ‘best friend’ since elementary school. i dated him at one point before we both realized we were queer. we’d been the only two seniors who’d been in every show together. despite all the bullshit, he was always there. he assimilated to the personality of our friend group every year when we were around different people, but he was still around, i was still always there for him - he couldn’t assimilate to my personality because to him there were no traits to take, we’d known each other for too long. 

a couple weeks into senior year, i full on sobbed to him in my car telling him about how he and the friend group made me feel so bad last year, told him about how i stopped taking my meds during the musical. he told me that he had no idea that i was feeling like that, that he didn’t know. but i’d driven him to school every day.

the last time we’ve talked in person was march 14th, the last day school for the 2019-2020 year was in session. 

i haven’t taken it off, but i skip lgw whenever it comes on my musical playlist because it still makes my chest feel tight.

[kissmejuyeon]

hey Sara! 🌸🐇

this might be a personal or difficult question, so if you don't want to reply, that's totally fine!! 💕

i went to a school where i was lowkey taught that uni is the only option after graduation, that anything else isn't as "good" and we weren't even taught abt anything other than uni either. no one ever mentioned apprenticeships or voluntary years, let alone spoke positively of them. it honestly installed in me this fear of being seen as lesser if i don't go to uni and now it's been almost 4 years since my graduation and I'm still struggling with the inferiority feeling of not feeling like uni is the right place for me. i think i want to do an apprenticeship, but by now i feel almost too scared to start anything in fear of not managing.

did you deal with this kind of thing in your schooling/ upbringing as well? and how did you get over those feelings? :( if you have even the tiniest advice, id be super grateful 💙

Hey love!!! Happy new Year <3

I can totally relate to what you’re feeling!! I def had those same feelings and thoughts, and i am not gonna lie, it took me a while to figure out what i want to do, and how i stopped focusing on what other wanted of me. but i’m going to try to explain my thoughts, so please bare with me.

i had to put this in “keep reading” cause i word vomited lmao

I was lucky that i grew up in a family that always thought me, that i do everything in life for myself. I should always focus on what I want to do. BUT, i had extended family and a few friends that always talked about uni and doing something in life that is “not working in retail” (just an example) All they “wanted” me to do is make money. 

My dad never finished high school and my mom started two apprenticeships that she never finished. I always knew i wanted to do more than what my parents did. And i don’t mean it a mean or bad way. (i hope you know what i mean) 

i was a “gifted” kid in school, and good grades came easy to me, until i finished 10th grade and i started my A-level. Then i hit rock bottom. I actually never planed to do my A-level, but i had no idea what to do with my life in year 10, so i decided to go to school for 3 more years, so i have a little more time to figure stuff out. (Spoiler: i didn’t) When i decided to do my A-level (In germany you need it to even go to uni) i thought uhMm maybe i should go to uni because many people around me where starting to talk about it and made me feel that my decision of never going to uni was me planing on becoming “nothing”. Which is totally stupid. Not going to uni does NOT mean you’ll never become anything!

by the i finished my A-level, which i barely passed, i still had no idea of what i wanted to. the only thing i knew was, that i wanted to do something that brings me happiness and joy! And the only time i found happiness and joy was in books (and one direction lmao). So i started to think about the idea, that i could start working in a bookstore. But at that time, my friends already started Uni (med school, law etc.) and others went to go abroad to study. And i felt like i was worth less. But i also knew that going to uni would only further the descend of my mental health. So i really focused on working in a bookstore and do an apprenticeship as a bookseller. 

Through a friend i got the opportunity of working in a bookstore (I applied before but i was sadly rejected). After the first day of work, i knew, this is what i wanted to do with my life. My mom always pushed me into applying for apprenticeships that i didnt wanna do, which i told her i didnt want, but it only caused many fights between us. but tbh ... i didnt care. i wanted to do what i wanted to do! So i focused on my carreer in the bokstore. i stopped focusing on what other people want to do in their lives, but rather focus on what I want to do. 

so i worked at the bookstore for 2 years, then started my apprenticeship, then i worked for 4 months as a bookseller and now i’m the deputy manager of the store that i did my apprenticeship at. now i know i only got to this place and position because i stopped focusing on what other people wanted.

end of my biography but i feel like it needed to explain this to validate my points lmao

and heres what i can tell you, do what you want to do!!! if you dont want to go to uni, do not go. is there something that brings you joy? clothes? books? try working with something that you like, and figure out what you wanna do that way.

Other people think they help you when they try to push uni, grad school etc. into your life, cause they think that whats best for you. but you are the only one who knows whats best for you!

in bookseller school, half my class was people who dropped out of uni to start working. not going to uni or dropping out of uni doesnt make you any less amazing or capable of reaching your dreams. 

the sad thing is, we need money to survive in this world, so you need to make money one way or another. and people always promote the narrative of figuring out what you want to do immediately. which is fuckign bullocks. you can start over and over again of you need to. if you start a job but after a few months you realize, its something you dont want to do, quit and find another job. Starting over and trying out jobs is nothing bad! 

but i think the first step you need to to, is to realize that what you do in life, is for you and only you!!! 

[isabvllas]

         ♡ . *  (   jennie  kim,  cis  female,  she  /  her   )   have  you  heard   ?   it  seems  like  the  heir  of  the  MUN  dynasty  was  very  close  to  liam  yu  too.  they  go  by  ISABELLA  and  they  were  liam’s  FAMILY  FRIEND.  their  networth  is  of  82M  and  they’re  only  TWENTY-THREE  …  what  a  burden  it  must  be.  i  heard  they  can  be  very  COQUETTISH  and  VIVACIOUS.  but  these  last  few  months,  their  DISINGENUOUS  and  VAIN  personality  has  been  showing  more.  the  media  is  sure  having  a  field  day  with  them   !   i  hope  this  road  trip  with  friends  will  help  them.  did  you  know  that  CHEWING  BUBBLEGUM  AFTER  LUNCH,  WHISPERING  SECRETS  TO  A  LOVER,  CANDY  HEARTS  and  PILLOWS  STAINED  WITH  TEARS  really  show  their  true  persona   ?    maybe  liam  was  the  only  one  who  knew  that  ...   

         hi  everyone,  i’m  so  happy  to  be  here   !!!   my  name  is  diana,  i’m  twenty,  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns,  and  reside  in  the  est  timezone.  some  quick  facts  abt  me:  i’m  a  libra  and  girl  group  stan   !!   below  u  can  read  a  bit  abt  my  muse  isabella  hehe  if  u  like  this  post  i’ll  hit  u  up  for  plots   !!!   my  discord  is   missing blackpink hours#5522  if  u  wanna  message  me  there,  but  if  not,  im’s  work  just  fine  <3

♡ . *    𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔    !

full  name :  isabella  grace  mun

nickname(s)  :  bella,  isa  (  by  liam  only  )

age  :  twenty-three

zodiac  :  libra  sun,  scorpio  moon   (  click  )

sexuality  :  bisexual

alignment  :  chaotic  neutral

pinterest  :  click

♡ . *    𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    !   (   drug  tw   )

keeping  up  appearances  has  always  been  the  mun  family’s  main  focus.  everything  they  do  is  an  attempt  to  better  their  public  image.  her  parents  marriage  was  merely  another  business  agreement  between  two  powerful  families

her  father’s  side  works  in  finance  and  investments,  while  her  mother’s  side  owns  one  of  the  wealthiest  PR  firms  in  the  world

her  parents  got  married  because  there  was  nothing  the  public  loved  more  than  family.  you  could  get  away  with  almost  anything  with  the  illusion  strong  family  values  under  your  belt.  isabella’s  conception  was  just  part  of  the  arrangement

her  mother  was  not  particularly  maternal.  her  husband  was  a  few  years  to  her  senior,  so  she  was  still  fairly  young  when  she  got  pregnant.  however,  they  had  already  been  married  for  two  years  and  a  baby  was  part  of  the  deal

isabella  was  passed  along  through  a  string  of  nannies.  none  of  them  stuck  around  long  enough  to  give  her  the  emotional  support  she  so  desperately  desired.  she  clung  to  adult  figures  throughout  the  majority  of  her  childhood,  from  boarding  school  teachers  to  private  tutors

as  she  grew  older,  however,  she  began  to  understand  the  way  of  things.  she  barely  spent  any  time  with  her  parents,  but  the  one  thing  she  learned  from  her  father  was  how  to  look  out  for  herself.  no  one  else  was  going  to  do  it  for  her

throughout  secondary  school,  she  perfected  the  art  of  getting  what  she  wants.  she’d  put  on  a  sweet,  helpless  act  to  manipulate  those  around  her.  she  became  fluent  in  lying,  and  it  always  worked  to  her  advantage  that  she  had  a  face  people  could  trust

she  spent  her  teen  years  growing  a  social  media  following,  becoming  a  beauty  influencer.  she  was  seen  as  an  it  girl,  credited  for  starting  various  fashion  trends

without  anyone  looking  after  her,  isabella  was  able  to  do  whatever  she  wanted.  however,  she  also  learned  from  her  parents  the  importance  of  maintaining  a  pristine  image.  so,  she  partied  and  had  her  fun  out  of  the  public  eye,  or  so  she  thought

at  seventeen,  isabella  had  her  first  coke  scandal  after  pictures  of  her  were  leaked  to  the  tabloids.  it  was  like  a  rich  kids  right  of  passage.  her  parents  were  furious  with  her.  for  a  moment,  isabella  felt  hopeful.  they  were  furious  because  they  cared,  right  ?  unfortunately  for  her,  it  wasn’t  because  of  what  she  was  doing.  they  were  only  angry  she  was  stupid  enough  to  get  caught

isabella’s  mother  took  care  of  cleaning  up  her  image.  after  all,  damage  control  is  what  she  knew  how  to  do  best.  isabella  was  forced  to  take  a  break  from  social  media.  according  to  the  statement  her  family  put  out,  she  was  under  a  lot  of  stress  from  running  a  social  media  empire  at  such  a  young  age.  as  per  her  mother’s  instructions,  her  social  media  blackout  lasted  a  year.  by  the  time  she  was  back  in  the  public  eye,  she  had  graduated  high  school  and  was  started  the  next  chapter  of  her  life

however,  the  year  she  took  away  from  social  media  was  the  most  time  she  had  ever  spent  with  her  parents.  she  was  forced  to  stay  with  them  so  they  could  keep  her  from  further  tarnishing  the  perfect  image  they  had  created  for  themselves.  during  this  time,  she  found  out  she  hated  her  parents.  they  were  cold,  and  completely  emotionless

she  felt  alone  most  of  the  time.  her  friends  were  almost  always  fake,  and  so  was  she.  she  was  always  putting  on  a  mask  too,  so  it’d  be  unfair  to  even  judge.  but  the  only  person  she  could  ever  trust  was  herself.  except  liam  was  different

she  knew  liam  her  whole  life  through  familial  connections,  but  she  only  got  closer  to  him  over  recent  years.  he  seemed  to  be  the  only  person  who  could  understand  her.  she  started  to  confide  in  him  with  a  lot  of  things.  he  made  her  feel  less  alone,  a  true  friend.  it  was  unlike  anything  she  had  ever  experienced  before  and  she  wasn’t  used  to  anyone  genuinely  caring.  he  would  let  her  sleepover  whenever  she  was  going  through  something

his  loss  hit  her  hard.  even  though  she  tries  to  appear  like  she’s  grieving  his  loss  healthily,  she  isn’t.  isabella  has  convinced  herself  she’s  cursed,  like  his  loss  was  her  fault  just  because  he  was  associated  to  her.  like  everything  she  touches  falls  apart.  she  kinda  started  using  drugs  again  more  heavily  because  of  everything,  where  before  she  mainly  only  used  in  social  settings

♡ . *    𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚    !

isabella  appears  to  be  an  extrovert  on  the  surface.  even  though  most  of  it  is  an  act,  she  has  a  lively  presence.  she  likes  to  be  the  life  of  the  party  and  the  center  of  attention,  but  when  it  comes  down  to  it,  it’s  just  part  of  the  persona  she  puts  on  for  others

she’s  playfully  flirty  with  almost  everyone.  it  started  as  a  way  to  manipulate  people,  but  she  also  finds  amusement  in  it  now.  to  her,  everything  life  is  a  game  and  she  wants  to  win

she  is  always  trying  to  manipulate  people  for  her  own  selfish  gain,  however,  she’s  extremely  careful  to  be  lowkey  about  it  so  no  one  really  knows.  she  appears  to  be  very  sincere  and  considerate  of  others.  most  people  view  her  as  harmless,  which  is  exactly  what  she  wants.  she  wants  people  to  underestimate  her

isabella  can  be  quite  full  of  herself.  she  obsesses  over  her  appearance  like  24/7  partially  due  to  her  social  media  presence.  she  won’t  leave  the  house  without  looking presentable  because  she  refuses  to  be  spotted  looking  bad

but  aside  from  obsessing  over  her  looks,  she  also  has  a  superiority  complex.  she  thinks  she’s  better  and  smarter  than  most  people,  but  she  doesn’t  show  this  side  of  herself  too  often

she  loves  to  go  out  and  be  in  the  presence  of  strangers.  she  feels  closer  to  them  than  to  the  people  she  actually  knows.  but  it’s  one  of  the  reasons  she  loves  parties  so  much.  asksjhkjsh  like  that  part  in  great  gatsby  where  that  girl  was  like  large  parties  are  much  more  intimate  !!!  that’s  bella 

her  life  is  ultimately  unfulfilling  tho,  because  the  way  she  masquerades  around  pretending  to  be  one  way  just  to  use  people  for  her  own  benefit  has  left  her  completely  alone.  she  seeks  real  friendships  and  relationships  deep  down,  but  she  does  everything  in  her  power  to  bury  this  side  of  herself.  she  also  seeks  validation  but  doesnt  care  enough  about  anyone’s  opinions  to  ever  receive  it

♡ . *    𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔    !

partner  in  crime  -  someone  who  she  can  scheme  with,  someone  who  will  play  these  little  games  with  her,  someone  she  has  fun  with

ex-lover  -  there  could  b  more  than  one  of  these   !!!    they  could  have  ended  on  bad  terms  or  good  terms,  still  have  lingering  feels  or  tension  maybe  they’re  friends  or  maybe  they  just  try  to  stay  away  from  each  other 

unrequited  crush  -  ur  muse  could  have  a  crush  on  her  and  maybe  she’s  oblivious  or  maybe  she  uses  it  to  her  advantage.  OR  we’d  have  to  plot  this  out  well  but  maybe  she  has  genuine  feelings  for  your  muse  and  doesn’t  know  what  to  do  about  it  because  this  never  really  happens

requited  feelings  -  speaks  for  itself,  but  our  muses  have  feelings  for  each  other.  ik  isabella  would  make  things  complicated  just  because  it  would  be  hard  for  her  to  accept  that  she  actually  cares  about  someone  that  isn’t  herself

will they,  won’t  they  -  there’s  tension  between  them,  but  nothing  has  ever  come  out  of  it  yet.  maybe  something  has  almost  happened,  maybe  they’ve  kissed  once,  but  either  way  the  tension  lingers  in  the  air  whenever  they’re  together

flirtationship  -  they  flirt  with  each  other  constantly,  but  nothing  has  ever  come  from  their  flirting.  maybe  they  have  good  chemistry,  but  haven't  done  anything  about  it  and  maybe  they  don’t  want  to.  maybe  they  don’t  want  to  ruin  a  good  thing 

current fling/friends  w  benefits -  someone  she  is  currently  seeing.  it’s  most  likely  no  strings  attached,  but  maybe  it’s  someone  she  genuinely  cares  about  as  a friend

enemies  w  benefits  -  imagine  the  tension   !!!   they  started  out  hating  each  other  but  ended  up  hooking  up.  maybe  it  was  a  one  time  thing,  or  maybe  they  can’t  stop  going  back  to  each  other.  maybe  they  keep  it  a  secret  and  don’t  want  anyone  else  to  know.  this  could  develop  in  soooo  many  ways  pls  this  is  so  sexy  !!!!

party  buddies  -  they  always  go  to  parties  together.  maybe  they  don’t  see  each  other  outside  of  parties,  maybe  they  met  at  a  party  and  started  hanging  out  more  afterwards

drug  /  alcohol  buddies  -  someone  she  gets  fucked  up  with.  maybe  they’re  not  that  close  when  they’re  sober,  but  are  way  closer  when  under  the  influence

ex-friends  -  someone  she  used  to  consider  a  close  friend,  but  they  had  a  falling  out  for  whatever  reason  n  maybe  they  strongly  dislike  each  other  now,  which  means  isabella  is  probably  trying  to  plot  their  down  fall

sibling-like friendship  -  someone  she  sees  like  a  sibling.  since  she’s  an  only  child,  i’d  love  a  friendship  that  feels  like  family

unlikely  friends  -  a  pair  you  wouldn't  imagine  would  be  friends,  but  for  whatever  reason,  they  get  along  well

cousins  -  they  could  get  along  well,  or  maybe  there’s  family  drama  that  makes  them  hate  each  other

take  care  -  someone  who  looks  after  her  when  she  drinks  to  much   !!!   someone  who  keeps  her  out  of  trouble  when  she’s  under  the  influence.  she  would  probably  feel  extremely  weird  like  when  she’s  sober  bc  someone  taking  care  of  her  ???  feels  fake  2  her

confidant  -  someone  who  confides  in  her  or  someone  she  confides  in,  or  they  confide  in  each  other.  they  don’t  necessarily  have  to  be  the  closest  friends  ever,  but  they  get  along  and  maybe  they  talk  more  in  private

rivals  -  they  don’t  like  each  other  for  whatever  reason,  which  we  can  plot. maybe  it’s  jealousy  or  their  personalities  just  clash,  but  for  whatever  reason  they  do  not  get  along

frenemies  -  they’re  great  friends  to  each  other’s  faces,  but  when  they’re  not  around  each  other,  they  act  questionably

bad  influence  -  someone  she  is  a  bad  influence  on.  maybe  she’s  manipulating  them,  or  just  encourages  them  to  do  bad  things  and  they  listen  to  her  for  whatever  reason

that’s  everything  !!!  i’m  soooo  sorry  this  got  a  lil  lengthy,  it  wasn’t  my  intention  but  also  idk  how  2  shut  up  AJKDSHDJH  anyway  i’m  so  excited  to  plot  with  u  all  and  start  interacting,  so  hit  me  up  on  discord  or  im’s  or  i’ll  come  to  u  <3

[vcnusc]

hello it’s ur gal moose again !! i’m bringing the bitch back y’all w new face. if you want to plot HMU or LIKE THIS post and i’ll come to you !! more info abt this binch under the cut & u can peep her pinterest here. 

—— wait, that’s not DOVE CAMERON! it’s VENUS CARLISLE who identifies as CISFEMALE. a TWENTY year old JUNIOR and a VICE PRESIDENT of CHI DELTA GAMMA. VENUS is MANIPULATIVE, SOCIABLE and studying PSYCHOLOGY. will SHE even have time to do anything else? 

tw: illness, death, abuse, eating disorder & drug addiction !!

ok so !! venus grew up in nyc & she comes from money. her mom comes from old money whereas her father made his own fortune by being a cutthroat and cunning entrepreneur so her family has............a lot of money

her mom & her dad have 3 kids together (but her dad has a plethora of children from previous marriages) and she’s the middle child. she’s got an older brother, michael, who’s currently 25 and her younger brother dylan was born when she was 3.

none of the carlisle children were particularly close with their parents, who always seemed to be busy doing more important things than taking care of their children, but they’ve always been very close to each other.

illness & death tw !! the baby of the family, dylan, was diagnosed with brain cancer (medulloblastoma) when he was 8 years old and.....it was rly hard for the family as u can imagine. he was in and out of the hospital constantly, going through various treatments. sometimes they would work for a little while and sometimes they would do nothing. they found the best doctors they could and put a ton of money into surgeries and treatment for dylan but all the money in the world couldn’t save him and he passed away when he was only 13 years old.

venus adored her little brother so her whole world just........came crashing down around her after he died. she was hurting but no one wanted to talk about it. her parents basically avoided the entire issue, keeping themselves busy with work to avoid coming home to see an empty seat at the dinner table and an empty bed at night.

she didn’t rly get to experience her teenage years the way she should have bc she was a bit of a shut in after her brother died. she didn’t want to talk to anyone or go out shopping or go to parties or be with her friends. she was fucking depressed and she could barely get out of bed most of the time.

to this day she still is.....not fully comfortable with the death of her brother and she doesn’t like to talk about it. her parents forced her into therapy but she didn’t want to go so the bitch just gave up eventually. she still hasn’t really had the chance to properly grieve the loss of her brother and it’s fucked her up lowkey.

she kind of fell into a shitty crowd in high school, which was quite a shock to the people that knew venus. she used to be this cute happy little girl with nothing but love to give but......she lost that p quickly when she realized how unfair life was.

drug use tw !! she was only sixteen when she started using drugs and drinking heavily. it provided an escape from the reality she found too painful and shitty to bear. she’s tried just about anything you can think of at least once, but her preferred drugs of choice are cocaine and mdma. it wasn’t long before she couldn’t go a day without getting high or itching for her next fix. she went to rehab for her coke problem for the first time when she was 17 but she started using again almost immediately as soon as she got out. she is......basically a shame to her family & they avoid talking about this issue at all costs, choosing to pretend it doesn't exist

she kind of cleaned up her act a bit in her senior year of high school. not in the sense that she drank or got high less, but she kind of ditched the skid crowd to hang out with all of her old friends again. it was all a cover though, to make it seem like she had gotten better and she was healthy and happy again when really.............she was more depressed and miserable than ever.

abuse & eating disorder tw !! it was at this time that she started dating the love of her life, jackson. she felt head over heels for him almost instantly. he was charming and handsome and kind and anything anyone could hope for in a boyfriend. but their relationship was only perfect from afar and eventually at some point during their relationship, jackson revealed that he wasn’t exactly the person she thought he was. he was controlling and manipulative. he wouldn’t let venus do or wear certain things and he’d constantly be checking her phone and social media. he was....pretty much in control of her life and because he had her utterly convinced that he was the only person who would ever love her despite how fucked up she was, she fell into the trap and let him do all that stuff. even when he hit her and started fights she still stayed, partially because she was afraid of what he would do if she left and partially because she believed everything he told her. the subtle emotional abuse was one of the factors that led to the development of an eating disorder.

they had a plan to go to college together and move in with one another but he ended up dumping her right before graduation, leaving her a wreck tbh. buT once he was gone she realized how awful he was, something she was blind to before

in her attempt to leave everything from new ny life behind, she chose to go to school in hawaii to be........far away from everyone and everything

okaY that was a lot but....here’s some more abt just her personality

she’s sad as fuck truly

definitely NOT a nice girl. doesn’t want to get close to anyone unless she has to?? and when she does get close to ppl it’s usually so she can manipulate them in some way or bc she wants to Use them

keeps “friends” around to make her feel wanted and important and make her feel better about herself

rough around the edges. no time for fuck boys but at the same time.........would probably fuck anyone because she wants to be wanted LMAO

like she is very outwardly aggressive & annoyed when ppl hit on her but then will text them at 2am to be like come over

10000% a party bitch. catch her getting fucked uP at every single party

will talk to anyone but also....still hates most ppl

some more info !!!!

she rly doesn’t need to be in school ??? like she doesn’t need a career bc she’s got money from her parents. she doesnt even give a fuck about psychology but.....she figured might as well go to college anyway

doesnt care if she does well she’s just here to fuck around and party

what she actually rly loves is music!!!!!! she has a very lovely singing voice and can play a couple of instruments. she started writing music as an outlet after her brother died & it’s just been something she’s been in love with ever since. lowkey tho

she always looks...........amazing tbH. the last thing she wants is for ppl to see how dead inside she is so she’s always dressed to the 9s. perfect makeup, flawless hair, killer outfit, sky high heels, u know. you’ll never catch her in sweatpants or with a single hair out of place

she’s on the cheer squad & she plays volleyball!!!!

loves yoga & does a lot of pilates as well. she’s fit af but......lowkey thinks her body is disgusting lmao

rly doesn’t believe she is worthy of love so she’s just.........out here trying to have a good time and pretend everything is a-okay even though she is.............................still dying inside sahfdjskfjd

wanted connections!!!

everything tbh. a REAL friend, maybe. exes, fwbs/hook ups, people she manipulates, ppl she parties with, a drug dealer, enemies, fake friends, i want it All.