#not fair that theres nothing diagnosibly wrong w my knuckles that i could fix theyre just ruined for some reason
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i miss boxing
#sorry vent movement 🏃#thinking abt how nothings felt right since graduating high school but it feels even less right since quitting boxing last year#thinking abt how there was a 60ish yr old woman still kickboxing at my old gym and i planned on being like her#and doing kickboxing/boxing for the rest of my life as long as possible#but ‘as long as possible’ turned out to be like. 7 years.#and how that was supposed to be a constant. and it was a pillar of my identity and self image#but then my knuckle started hurting when i punched and then it started hurting when i did anything at all#thinking abt how its not fair#not fair that theres nothing diagnosibly wrong w my knuckles that i could fix theyre just ruined for some reason#thinking abt how i could try harder to fix my knuckles but i quit bc im scared to irreparably damage my right hand#bc i need that for like. any livelihood or joy in my life. haha#thinking abt how my family kinda makes me feel guilty for not trying harder and maybe i quit too easily#but also i thought quitting while im ahead to protect my hands was a smart move but everyone makes me feel like i just gave up on it#and ig i did literally give up but i wish it didnt feel so WEAK#thinking abt how its not fair and its not fair and its not fair#x
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