#thinking about that one person a while ago who said 'i love louis but the reason i don't think about him that much

[thedailydescent]

I really don't buy the opinion that Louis hated becoming the "dom" + businessman in Paris. You can tell in that scene from 2x06 when he brings in the art piece to Armand's office he's entranced just talking about it and its potential. You all took Lestat's "All these roles you conform to and none of them your true nature" to mean he hates working/making money/providing for others in any capacity and just wants to be a submissive housewife (although we can see in Season 1 that the only thing keeping him happy in that role was Claudia- once she was gone or when Lestat became abusive towards her he hated it). Don't many housewives hate being housewives? Do businessmen always like the work? Louis likes being cared for and seen but he also likes having autonomy and projects to work on- money made by selling artwork fulfills that need. And Armand's supposed acceptance and submission in that 2x06 scene contrasts with Lestat's attitude towards Louis's work in New Orleans ("I have all the money we need" "This is Louis's hobby, not mine"), so that also plays into it. If Louis's making the money and taking charge in the bedroom, he can at least have the illusion of control.

Louis still doesn't know who he is at this point so saying he only likes being in certain roles (he's either a "violent pimp" or a passive wallflower who only likes to bottom, neither of which are true and the former being a really racist statement) contradicts his overall arc in Season 2. And the sad part is he still hasn't found it by the end of the season because he's found himself stuck with another abusive partner with his last tethers to humanity cut off. But saying he was forced into trying these new things out in Paris or has always despised playing the "Maitre" role throughout the duration of their relationship (for reasons other than when Armand tries to take back control while he's performing it, which is why it doesn't work in the first place), is a stretch in my opinion. The only conclusive thing we can make about Louis's preferences is that he hates when things grow stagnant. He can't play one role for too long, otherwise it gets boring.

[crazyoffher]

WATCHTOWER. - 4

jenna ortega x fem!reader

summary: photos of you and jenna's hangout surface along with dating rumors, leaving jenna forced to find a way to deal with the rumors without her management's dreadful ideas.

warnings: small mentions of homophobia, unedited.

word amount: 2900+

a/n: condemn this as a filler chapter.

part one part two part three part five

“Now, I think we have to get you into a PR relationship.”

“No! God no! I’m not even dating her, for Christ's sake.” Jenna was exasperated. It had been about a week and a half since she had hung out with you. She was now in Romania to finish her ‘Wednesday’ season two reshoots, and her manager had flown out there to do a proper, in-person meeting to discuss the current news surrounding her.

Jenna Ortega reveals a new love interest; sources confirm she is a Michelin-starred waiter (Y/N) (Y/L/N)!

Rising actress Jenna Ortega finds consolation in a non-famous woman after her breakup with her former co-star, (NAME REDACTED).

For fuck's sake, they broke up a year ago. Why were the media still hung up on them?

New photos reveal a possible relationship between young actress Jenna Ortega and a woman not in the Hollywood spotlight.

The articles went on and on, none of them speculating that the two could just be friends. Just headlining them in a “relationship” to grab their money.

“Are you sure? The paparazzi photos say otherwise, Jenna. Have you even bothered to see them since they’ve been released?” Her manager, Castillo, pulled out a folder filled with papers, specifically printed photos. He skimmed through them before sliding the folder over to Jenna, who took the folder warily.

At first glance, Jenna didn’t see anything wrong with them. There were a maximum of five pictures, two of them of you and her at the Bradbury. The first photo didn’t show much, just your back turned to the camera while you talked to Jenna, her face in the frame as she looked to be thoroughly listening to you.

The second one was shot from above you guys, with the photographer on the third floor while you and Jenna were on the second, both your faces in the frame this time. You were pointing to the Bradbury treaty that you had been so giddy about seeing, pointing to it while you faced Jenna with a big grin on your face, showcasing your excitement.

The other three photos were of you and her at the restaurant. The first one showed you two in the waiting room, Jenna’s hand on your shoulder, and her facial expression with faint concern etched on it. It was when you were doubting your clothes. The second photo shows the two of you at your table, with a smile on her face as you talked about university.

The last photo was probably the most questionable photo, to Jenna anyway. It was of you two outside after leaving the restaurant, and you were pointing at the note that the waiter gave Jenna in her hand, but from the angle, it looked like you were going to hold her hand.

“I don’t see much wrong with these except for maybe this photo,” she held up the very last photo, “and even then, she wasn’t even holding my hand or going to; she was pointing at a note a waiter had given me.”

Castillo sighed, rubbing his face. “It’s because you’re not analyzing them properly. Look,” he said as he rounded the table, standing behind Jenna’s chair to point at the photos she had spread out, rubbing his face.

“Notice how you’re looking at her. That’s what people focus on; they don’t determine two people being in a relationship only if a photo of them kissing is released; they base it off of facial expressions, how one looks at the other.”

“That’s fucking stupid!” Jenna grabbed one of the photos, analyzing how she looked at you. She now understood what Castillo was saying; her look was one of admiration, but it didn’t make the situation any less odd.

“You talk to her about this?” Castillo’s assistant, Louis, chimed in. He was a nice guy, but such a nightmare at times that it made Jenna wonder how she had not beaten him with a baseball bat at this point.

“We talked about it briefly,” Jenna mumbled. When the news stories and images were released, she remembered the conversation she had with you the day before she left for Romania. She could only ever express regret so many times, and you promised her that you would call her when you had some free time. You had yet to call, though. It worried her.

“This is no time for mumbling, Jenna! All of this can stain your career heavily.”

“How?”

“You know how,” Castillo’s tone issued, telling her to stop playing dumb, “parts of society are still not acceptable to… same-sex relationships.” He could see the expression that formed on Jenna’s face, quickly turning his words around. “I don’t know what you identify as, and as of now I have no interest in knowing, but you have a reputation to keep. Don’t tell me you’re going to throw away a lifelong career’s work for a girl you’ve known for a little over a month.”

“I’m not throwing anything away.” Jenna grumbled, clearly in a worsening mood. “I’m not dating her. I won’t lie to you and say that I have no attraction to her, but we’re just friends. I’m not cutting her off because of some flawed rumors.” She argued.

The stranded photographs were gathered and shoved back into Castillo's folder with a sigh. “Louis, get RJ on the phone.” He directed his assistant, who nodded and moved out of the room with urgency in his steps. “You,” he turned to Jenna, who was shrunken in her seat, undeniably drowning in neverending stress, “call her. If I check back in and you’re not on the phone with her, I’m putting you in a PR relationship, regardless of your opinion.”

Castillo ushered out of the room, leaving Jenna in solitude. She flicked through the numbers saved on her phone, soon clicking yours, but she felt herself hesitate to click the ‘call’ button. It was all shit to her that she couldn’t even hang out with a friend alone without possibly crashing her career.

She bit her lip with a patient sigh, clicking the button, and holding the phone up to her ear. It rang once, twice, three, and four times before she was sent to the automated voicemail message. She rubbed her face, clicking the call button again, then again, then again, but you didn’t pick up, and it was starting to worry her.

It’s not like you were avoiding her; you were just busy. “My phone keeps on fucking buzzing!”

“Then set it down somewhere if it’s bothering you that much.” Jack quipped, and you went into the backroom and toward your locker. You mindlessly shoved your phone into the small space, too time-poor to check who or what was the recipient of the constant buzzing.

“(Y/N)! Come on, you've got five tables waiting on their food, and you’re — what? Chilling in the backroom?” You could hear Derek’s loud yelps through the commotion in the kitchen, and you rolled your eyes at the audacity of his accusations. “I’m coming!”

You relocked the locker, pulling at the handle to check for security. Harvey stole a lot more than tips.

“So?” Castillo entered the room after a generous fifteen minutes. “She didn’t pick up.”

Despite his serious tone, stoic face, and clouded mind, he could see the worry in Jenna’s face, and he let out a frustrated huff. “I’m giving you until tomorrow, Jenna. If you don’t talk to her by that time, then we’re pacing your reshoots and taking you back to the States to have a proper meeting with your entire management and publicity crew.”

She wasted no time in burying her face in her hands when Castillo and Louis bid her farewell, the suffocating urge to cry her eyes out taking over her. She eyed her phone for ten minutes; that’s it. She sat there and bore her gaze into the device, hoping to see your caller ID pop up, but nothing.

“Derek! When can I go on break?”

You stuffed your filthy tray into the dishwasher, fuming as you hurriedly shut the door and accidentally hit your finger. You gripped your finger in pain as you searched for the busied man.

You could see his head pop into the kitchen, as if he was too preoccupied in the dining room to move the rest of his body. “I’ll stop sending tables to you. Finish up with the ones you are currently serving, and then take your thirty minutes." And as quickly as he entered the kitchen, he exited, and you grinned slyly as you grabbed a clean tray from under a countertop, stacking the meals for your table before hurrying out with imperativeness in your steps.

You returned to the backroom after finishing all of your tables (with the inevitable process of having ice-cold water thrown at you) to find Jack in your usual seat. He was scrolling through his phone when you pushed the back of the chair up, causing him to fall to the floor.

“Hey!” He got up, brushing himself off, before sitting in the chair across from you. “Your phone’s still been buzzing like crazy; it’s getting kind of annoying.”

“You’re annoying.” You stood from your chair, grabbing an 8-ounce soda can on the way to your locker, the buzzing growing louder as you moved closer. “Jesus, that sounds like a vibe.”

“Ew!” Jack shouted. You smiled to yourself, first grabbing a hanging towel to wipe your face of any water residue before gripping the vibrating phone, eyeing it for a second before you saw Jenna’s caller ID pop on the screen.

“Who keeps on blowing up your damn phone?”

“Jenna!”

“No way you’ve been having Hollywood call you nonstop and sending her to voicemail, at that.” Jack stood up, making his way over to you and eyeing Jenna’s caller ID. “So are you going to pick up or what the fuck?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You swiped the button, pushing Jack away and moving toward a more secluded area while you listened in. “Hello?”

“Fucking hell, (Y/N). Look, I know you said you’d call me when you had the time, but I don’t have any more time to waste. I need to talk to you about the whole media thing.” You could hear the exasperation in her voice, and that made you worry.

“I’m sorry, Jenna. I took a couple extra shifts this week to try and help my brother pay for something. I was actually going to call you tonight, but if you need to talk to me now, I’ve got thirty minutes.” You turned toward Jack, shooing him out of the room, and he gave you a ‘what the fuck?’ look before begrudgingly leaving. You knew he didn’t really care where he took his break; he just wanted to eavesdrop.

“You don’t have to apologize any more; it’s fine if that’s why you’re calling.” You sat down in your seat, cracking open the soda can and taking a small sip. You unbuttoned your vest, throwing it on the back of your chair, as you suddenly heard Jenna start rambling.

“Itsnotbecauseofthatitsbecausemymanagementisconcernedthatyouregoingtostainmycareerandthat-”

“Jenna,” you let out a breathy laugh, although it probably wasn’t the time to do so, “slow down. I have no idea what you just said.”

You could hear her catching her breath and letting out a sigh, and you could imagine her rubbing her face in stress. “I’m not calling to apologize to you again. It’s because my management is concerned that you’re not good for my publicity because of these fake dating rumors, and I don’t know what to do.”

If anybody walked into the room you sat in, they’d laugh at your expression, jaw slack, and eyebrows furrowed in moral confusion and slight fright. Was she cutting you off?

“I’m not cutting you off; I’d never do that.” It was like she read your mind. “I just — I have no idea how to deal with all of this. Do I make a public statement? Leave it all as is? Get into a PR relationship? I’m stuck.”

“Jenna,” you tilted yourself back in the chair, unconsciously doing a check around the room to see if anybody had come in, “it’s fine if you need to not be seen with me in public. I do have a living space that is private, after all. For the whole situation…” You trailed off, biting your lip in thought.

“Definitely don’t do a PR stunt; it’ll only make you unhappy. I say just make a public statement, but regardless, isn’t it up to your management?” Shifting around, you moved the soda can to the side of the table before standing up and walking toward your locker. Last you knew, your backpack was in there with your laptop, and you were keen on seeing what people kept on saying.

“Yeah, but they told me to think of what I want to do, and when I get back to the US and have a proper meeting with them, then they’ll see whether or not it’d be a good idea.” From Jenna’s perspective, she was back in her trailer, shuffling back and forth with the phone up to her ear while she mindlessly cleaned up the kitchen area.

You opened your laptop, typing in the complex password that was ‘0001’ before opening Microsoft and searching up Jenna’s name. A slew of news articles appeared at the top of the page in an instant, and you saw the same old picture you had been seeing for the past week. “In that case, I’d say bring up the public statement, because you can’t leave it all as is, and I know you’d rather die than get into a PR relationship. It’ll all be alright, Jenna.”

You needed to reassure the girl because her tone had softened but was still filled with a stressed sound. Jack entered the room, assuming that the seriousness of the conversation had subsided (because he was eavesdropping from the other side of the door), and sat across from you. He flung his hands around, asking for your attention, which you gave him while listening to Jenna thank you for the talk you guys had. “Tell her you miss her!”

“Why?” You mouthed it, raising your eyebrows in an attempt to get him to lower his voice. “Because you do, duh.” His tone hadn’t lowered in the slightest, and you threw the soda can that was now empty toward him, putting a finger over your mouth.

“Yeah, no, don’t worry about it. And trust me, if it seemed like it, I wasn’t avoiding you.” You returned to the conversation, ignoring Jack’s heart-hand gestures toward you. You eyed the time on your laptop, seeing that you had five minutes left on your break, and you usually took the last five to prepare.

“I thought that at first, but I brushed it off because it didn’t seem like you, you know?” Jenna bit her lip, throwing away a styrofoam cup that sat on the sink counter. “It didn’t seem like me?” You asked, repeating her words. Jenna shook her head, blurting out a “no” when she remembered you couldn’t see her and mentally scolding herself for her dumbness.

You had put her on speakerphone when Derek ushered Jack out of the room, seeing as his break time ran out, with a reminder to you that you had about a minute or two left. “What does seem like me, then?” It came out in a teasing tone, though you weren’t trying to tease her. You were genuinely curious as to what the high-priority girl thought of you.

“Nice, funny; definitely not the ghosting type.” She laughed, and you smiled while buttoning your vest back on. “Somebody I can be myself with, definitely.”

“You’re not yourself with some people?” That genuinely shocked you. Jenna seemed like one of the most open people you knew, though, to be fair, you still hadn’t known her all that well. She gave off a vibe, you’d say. “No, not really. Whenever I hang out with more high-end people, they act all serious, so most of the time, I just stay quiet.”

“That must suck. I can’t hold myself from talking; the longest I can go is maybe five minutes — oh!” You exclaimed, remembering what you had planned on asking her. “Do you know when you come back to the US? I want you to try this little cafe that’s in my bar. It doesn’t sound the best right now, considering all of this… crap, but it’s always empty. Up to you, though.”

“That sounds nice.” Jenna sat down on a stool, playing with the top of her fingernail that she had cut too short. “I’m always open to trying new things, though I’d probably be in some sort of disguise for precaution.”

“Risky, are we?”

“Definitely.” Jenna’s smirk was engraved into your brain, and you knew she was doing just that. You enjoyed talking to her more than anything, but the sound of clattering plates crowded your ears, and you were surprised that Derek hadn’t dragged you out of the breakroom by now.

“Hey, I have to go back to work, but I can talk to you more tomorrow because I’ll have a day off, yeah?” You never made commitments like that because you were afraid of breaking them, but you knew you would be laying on your bed, phone in hand, listening to Jenna rant about her struggles as a producer and actress on the show she was filming the next day. You couldn’t wait.

“Yeah! Oh, and (Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”

“I miss you too. Goodnight.”

☟ ☟ ☟

taglist: @grandpatrolnut @annalestern @rhythm-catsandwine @yara124 @daryldixonsw1fe @red1culous @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @n0vabug @idkwimdtbh @alexkolaxs

[lemoncrushh]

Heartstrings

Summary: You become One Direction's new guitarist and you and your best friend Harry realize you have feelings for each other.

Warnings: None, this is just cute fluff.

Word Count: 5971

A/N: This was a special request I'd received in 2016. It was originally three parts, but I've combined them into one.

I need to talk to you

You must have stared at the text for ten minutes. Harry never said he needed to talk to you. He just talked. Whenever, wherever. The most he might do is ask if you were busy before immediately going into what he wanted to talk about. Even if you were busy, he knew you'd get back to him when you could.

But this...this wasn't him. This wasn't light-hearted, cheeky Harry Styles that you'd known since he was sixteen. The best friend, the confidant. The one person who could make you laugh even when you were at the lowest of the low. This? This was a serious text.

The truth was you had started to develop feelings for Harry. Feelings that surpassed those of mere friendship. It had started out as a little flutter in your chest about a year ago when you'd gone to his house to hang out. You'd watched a movie that was one of his favourites but you'd never seen, and you were enthralled by his enthusiasm. You'd sat on the sofa next to him, your legs tucked underneath you as you watched his mouth while he spoke. Then your eyes travelled down the length of his body, his torso and long legs both clad in all black. You'd blinked and shook your head. This was your best friend. When you'd gotten home that night, lying in bed and thinking of Harry in a different light, you dismissed it as a crush. That was all it was. It would go away.

One year later, and it hadn't gone away. In fact, the feelings were stronger. But you resolved never to let him know.

Finally, shaking your head, you texted Harry back two letters.

Ok

Your phone immediately rang, startling you. Seeing Harry's name displayed, you swiped to unlock it.

"Hey," you said apprehensively.

"Hey, remember when I said the band was gonna need a new guitarist for this tour?" Harry asked, barely giving you time to breathe.

"Uh...yeah?"

"Well, I got the most brilliant idea. And I ran it by the guys and the rest of the band. And they'd like you to come by the studio some time next week."

"What?" you asked incredulously.

"You know, to run through some songs. See how comfortable you are," explained Harry.

"What- What d'ya mean?" you swallowed what felt like a ball of cotton in your throat.

You heard Harry chuckle. "I mean, you might be our new guitarist."

"Harry!" you exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

"Well...if you're good enough."

"Oh my God!" you fell back on your bed, your head hitting the pillow as you kicked your legs in the air.

Harry laughed harder as you bounced on your mattress with glee, telling him thank you over and over again.

Your chest rose and fell with heavy breaths as you grabbed the neck of your guitar and slung the strap over your head, handing it to one of the crew. Stepping off the stage, you felt a surge of adrenaline - the same feeling you'd been getting night after night for the last two months.

"Great show, lads!" you heard Louis exclaim behind you. "You too, Y/N, absolutely incredible."

You turned around, grinning at him as you walked backwards. You nearly tripped until Harry grabbed your arm, steadying you.

"Careful, love," he said. "Don't think we have you insured yet."

You rolled your eyes at him, despite the electricity that his touch ignited on your skin. "Very funny."

Harry's lips turned up into his signature grin, and as you walked backstage together, you made note that his hand had slid down the length of your arm until dropping beside his hip.

"You were on fire tonight," he commented.

"Me?" you raised your eyebrows.

"Yeah. Like...really alive."

You sucked in your lips, hoping your blushing was masked by the already apparent heat on your face from exertion.

"Thanks."

"I like having you here."

The commotion backstage made it impossible to give a response then, but you stood frozen in your tracks for a moment, staring at Harry as he shifted his gaze to observe the hallway. As far as you were concerned, however, the hallway was empty. And you and Harry were the only ones there.

You weren't really sure how you managed to get to your dressing room. But an hour and a half, a shower, and two burritos later, you re-entered the hallway, now virtually empty. You watched as a few crew members carried things out the back door until seeing another dressing room door open across from you.

"Hey," grinned Harry, the wet ends of his hair dripping on the shoulders of his t-shirt.

"Hi," you yawned, though you didn't feel the least bit sleepy.

"Gonna sleep well tonight, yeah?" he winked, walking past you toward the exit.

"Probably not, I never do," you let slip before thinking.

Harry looked back at you as you followed him.

"Why not?"

You swallowed hard. You weren't about to tell him the reason you had sleepless nights was because you were crazy about him and thought about him every second of every day. And you lied awake night after night in your bunk on the bus doing the same until you finally let the night consume you.

"Um...just don't sleep that great on the bus," you shrugged.

"Oh," you said when you reached the doorway leading outside. "Actually, neither do I."

"Really?"

You walked side by side out to where the buses were parked. You shared one with the rest of the musicians, while Harry and the other boys shared another.

"Yeah. I usually end up staying up reading or playing games on my phone until I can't keep my eyes open. Sometimes until we get to the hotel. Then I crash."

"Ah," you nodded. "So that's why I never see you all day."

Harry chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Sorry."

You saw Niall climb onto the bus then, followed by Liam and Louis. You knew Harry would be next, but for some reason he was still standing next to you. You continued to stare straight ahead as the wind whipped through your hair, the dampness causing a slight chill.

"Would be nice to spend some more time together," you heard a voice say, and for a moment you didn't even think it was Harry's.

"What?" you asked, jerking your head to look at him.

"I said it would be nice to spend some time with you. You know, off stage."

"Oh," you mouthed. You bit your lip to keep from grinning, though inside you were screaming.

"If I try not to stay up all night, you wanna do something tomorrow?"

"Um...sure. Yeah." You silently cursed yourself for sounding so moronic. When did talking to Harry, your best friend, suddenly become so difficult?

"I mean, I don't know if we'll be able to go anywhere, we'll have to see. Might just hang out at the hotel."

"That's fine," you nodded.

The sudden noise of the buses being cranked up made you jump, and you felt your heart sink.

"Guess it's time to go," you gestured toward the buses. "Goodnight, Harry."

"Night, Y/N," he lifted his hand in a slight wave.

You gave him a tight smile before turning for your bus. Just as you reached the bottom step, you heard Harry call your name again. You looked over at him, his hand on the side of his bus.

"You were great tonight!" he yelled over the engine.

"Thanks!" you beamed at him. "So were you!"

Harry's dimple dipped deeper into his cheek as his booted feet climbed the steps and he disappeared onto the bus.

A loud obnoxious sound woke you up, and it took a minute to realize it was a knock on the door.

One good thing about being the only female in the band was you always got your own room in any hotel you stayed in. Even when you'd offered to stay with Lou and Lottie, it was insisted that you get your own room. You still weren't exactly sure who's decision that had been, but you weren't about to argue.

Throwing the massive duvet aside, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and made your way to the door. You opened it a crack before you saw Harry standing on the other side.

"Morning," he grinned at you, his eyes momentarily shifting to your pajamas before returning to your face.

"Hey," you cleared your throat. "What time is it?"

"12:30," he replied. "So not exactly morning."

"Morning is any time you've just woken up," you argued with sleepy eyes.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you scratched your head. "I needed to wake up. I'm actually surprised your awake."

"I promised I wasn't gonna stay up on the bus. I got a couple hours before we arrived here. Then slept like a baby."

The way he was smiling just then reminded you of the early days of your friendship. He looked sixteen again and you couldn't help but smile back.

"So what's the plan for today?" you inquired.

Harry shrugged. "Didn't really have one. Just playing it by ear."

"I suppose it's too late for breakfast," you said.

"Lunch then?"

"Give me twenty minutes?"

He nodded. "Sure. Meet you downstairs."

"You're being ridiculous," you shook your head.

Your stomach and cheeks hurt from laughing so much. After lunch, you and Harry had decided to just go back up to your room to chat - his idea as he said the two of you had been so busy lately that you hadn't really had time to catch up on just being...Harry and Y/N.

He was being his old self, cracking corny jokes and making you laugh like a hyena. You hadn't felt such joy in a long time. Other than the joy you felt on stage. But that was different. That was an adrenaline rush, a feeling of self-worth and pride. Knowing you were getting to live your dream doing what you loved. This...this was the best kind of joy. Being with your favourite person and just enjoying each other's company.

You sat cross-legged on the floor, your back against the bed as you held your acoustic guitar in your lap. You'd been strumming absent-mindedly for the last hour throughout your conversation, though never really playing anything.

As you caught your breath from the giggling, your fingers found a G chord, followed by an E minor as your other hand strummed them both. Then you began to finger pick, not really conscious of what you were playing until you realized you were singing along to "18".

When you'd finished the first chorus, you lifted your head to find Harry watching you, a gentle smile on his lips. Embarrassed slightly, you continued with the second verse but didn't sing.

"Why'd you stop?" Harry asked.

"I didn't," you smirked. "I'm still playing."

"I meant the singing."

You shrugged. "I'm not a singer."

"I would say you are," remarked Harry. "You have a lovely voice."

You hummed before shaking your head. "I'll just stick to guitar."

"If you say so, Y/N," Harry rolled his eyes, rising from the floor and crossing to the bed.

He sat down next to where you were, his long legs in your peripheral view. You heard him sigh and you knew he'd laid back on the bed.

"So, kiss me where I lay down, my hands pressed to your cheeks..." you sang softly.

You finished the rest of the song, accompanying yourself. Then you sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds (although it seemed like forever) before standing up and putting your guitar back in its case.

"Probably about time to head to the venue," you declared. "Soundcheck soon."

It wasn't until you turned around that you realized Harry was staring at you, his arm behind his head. It was a strange look. Not a bad one necessarily. Just one you hadn't seen before. At least not when he looked at you.

"What?" you asked.

Harry blinked though his eyes were still focused on you. It made your stomach do somersaults, and you weren't sure what to make of it. Finally, he shook his head.

"Nothing." You watched as he sat up, slapping his hands on his thighs. "See ya later."

With that, he opened the door to step out into the hallway. But you didn't miss it when he turned to you once more, that same strange look on his face, before heading down the hall to his room.

You sat on your hotel bed, playing your guitar, a classical piece that you'd learned at university. You were a little more than halfway through when there was a knock at your door. Stopping, you laid your guitar on the bed before rising and crossing the room.

"Hi," a beanie-capped Harry greeted you with a grin which you returned.

"Hey," you said. "What have you been up to?"

You noticed the hoodie that Harry had gripped in his hand, his t-shirt marked with sweat.

"Just got back from a run. I was wondering if you'd like to go to dinner."

"Um...dinner?" you blinked.

"Yeah. After I shower of course."

Harry's chest rose and fell with heavy breaths as he spoke, the same grin still on his face. You couldn't help but bite your lip at how attractive he looked at that moment.

"Sure," you breathed. "Sounds good."

"Great, I'll be back in half an hour."

You nodded and sucked in your lips as you watched him walk away. Shutting the door, you leaned against it.

Since that day in your hotel room a week ago, you and Harry had continued spending more time together. A couple of times you'd ventured out of the hotel into whatever city you'd happened to be at that time. You (or rather Harry) had been recognized, but you didn't mind standing back while he took selfies with fans. You enjoyed your time together, even if it was just sitting in your room watching television.

You reminded yourself that this was how it had always been. Yet you couldn't deny that your feelings were growing stronger with each moment.

Watching him in his element on stage, in front of the massive audience of adoring fans, you felt a burst of pride. He was a rockstar. But the moments you spent alone...these were your favorite. Your stomach flipped at the sight of him, your face felt warm as you became aware of your smile growing wider. You couldn't help it. He made you happy. This was no longer just a crush.

You stared at the guitar on the bed. This was one of your free days between shows. You'd seen Harry earlier that morning at breakfast, but when he hadn't divulged his plans for the rest of the day, you'd decided to retreat to your room, spending some quality time with yourself.

The thought of going to dinner shouldn't have been a big deal. You'd eaten with him many times. But suddenly you were nervous.

Grabbing your suitcase from the floor, you dropped it onto the bed next to your guitar. Rummaging through it, you tried to find something suitable to wear for this dinner - something casual that didn't look like you were trying too hard, but still looked nicer than the joggers and t-shirt you were wearing.

Finally opting for your favorite jeans and a soft jumper in a dark plum shade, you changed quickly, touching up your make-up and running a brush through your hair. You'd just slipped into your shoes when another knock sounded. Opening the door, you saw Harry in a black t-shirt and a satin jacket, his long legs covered in his ever present black skinny jeans. He looked amazing to say the least. You almost had to stop yourself from mouthing "wow."

"Hi," you smiled as you noticed his own stare. "So where are we headed?"

"Um..." Harry cleared his throat, refocusing his eyes on yours, "there's a restaurant down the street. I thought we could walk there."

"Fine with me," you said.

Grabbing your bag and your card key, you stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind you. As you walked to the lift with Harry, you could feel his eyes on you. Shifting your own gaze, you saw the same look on his face that he'd had a week ago in your room.

"What is it?" you asked with a chuckle, trying to play it off.

"You look lovely," he replied, his eyes serious.

"Oh," you muttered shyly, looking down at your ensemble. "Thank you."

"I don't think I've seen you in that colour of lipstick before. Matches your jumper."

You automatically sucked in your lips as the elevator doors opened and you stepped in. Gripping the strap of your bag, you stood like a statue on the way down. You mentally told yourself to chill out. This wasn't even a date or anything. This was still your best friend.

Your best friend who'd picked you up at your door and told you you looked lovely and commented on your lipstick.

The sun was setting, the cool night air giving you a calm feeling as you walked next to Harry down the sidewalk. You gazed up at the tall buildings next to you and across the street, a couple more hotels mixed in with businesses and boutiques. You and Harry made small talk, chatting about the band and the next city on your agenda for the tour. Finally, at the end of the block, you crossed the street to find a restaurant at the corner. Harry held the door open for you and you stepped in to be greeted by a tall, ginger-haired maitre d. He gave you both a smile before telling you to follow him.

You sat across from Harry at a small table against the wall. After ordering drinks and taking a gander at the menu, you shook your head, feeling ridiculous about the butterflies that had taken up residence in your belly. You repeated to yourself over and over - This is not a date. It's just Harry.

"So how was your run?" you inquired, setting your menu down in front of you.

Harry snickered, practically rolling his eyes.

"What?" you asked, your eyes wide. "What'd I say?"

"You wanna talk about my run?"

"Sure, why not? How far did you go?"

Harry licked his lips before leaning forward, resting his forearms on the table. "Y/N," he said, his voice low. "Why are you acting weird?"

You blinked. "What do you mean? I'm not acting weird."

Harry smirked, shaking his head. "You looked straight ahead in the lift, as though you were frightened of something. You talked about the weather and the band on the walk here, without even looking at me. Now you're asking me about my run? I've known you for years, Y/N, you've never asked me how far I've run."

"Really?" you played dumb, looking down at the silverware. "Well, maybe I should have."

Harry chuckled. "You wanna know what kind of shoes I wear, too?"

"Sure," you shrugged, thumbing the edge of the fork. "Why not? You're my best friend, you'd think I'd already know these things."

"Y/N," said Harry. "Look at me, please."

Lifting your head, you saw the confusion on his face. "What's going on?"

In a split second you decided you were being foolish and there was no way you were going to give any hint as to your feelings for him. You shook your head, giving him a smile.

"Nothing," you promised. "I'm sorry if I was being weird. I guess it's just odd...you know, being on tour with you."

"How so?" Harry raised a brow.

"Because...I know you. But I guess I never really knew this part of you."

"You've seen me on stage before," he remarked.

"I know, but this is different. I'm with you on stage. I'm with you at the hotel. I'm with you now."

"We're having dinner, love. We've done this before, too."

Just then, the waiter came to take your order, momentarily freeing you from the awkward conversation. When he left, however, Harry returned his gaze to you. You chewed on your bottom lip before lifting your water glass to take a sip.

"So are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

You shook your head again. "Nothing's wrong, Harry. Can we just drop it?"

"Fine," he sighed, dropping his shoulders.

You released your own sigh, but one of relief. At least temporarily. You had a feeling Harry wasn't going to let it go completely, but at least you could bide some time and enjoy your dinner.

Once again, your cheeks hurt from laughing. You and Harry were back in your room, lying on your massive hotel bed watching a stand-up comedian on the TV.

"Be back, I have to wee," declared Harry as he rose from the bed.

When he shut the bathroom door, you sat up, trying to catch your breath, wiping your eyes. It felt good to be back to your old self, the same goofiness that you and Harry shared as friends. You wanted to push away the non-friendship feelings you were having, because apparently Harry was getting some sort of vibe from you and it made both of you uncomfortable. You weren't about to lose his friendship over this stupid...crush-thing...whatever the hell it was.

Muting the television, you grabbed your guitar. Playing always calmed your nerves. It had been your escape, your therapy since you were thirteen. You began to play the same classic piece that you'd been playing earlier when Harry had knocked on your door. You closed your eyes, letting your fingers do the work while your brain painted pictures in your head. You heard the door open, but you kept your eyes shut, focusing on the music and the colours that made up the picture.

You could hear his breathing when you stopped, but he didn't say anything. Finally opening your eyes, you saw Harry leaning against the door frame, his eyes not on the guitar, but on your face.

"I heard you playing that earlier," he said.

"Mmm hmm," you nodded.

"I remember that one. It's one of my favourites."

You gave a small smile, grabbing your guitar by the neck and preparing to lower it back into its case.

"No," Harry held up his hand. "Don't stop. Keep playing."

"It's over," you shrugged.

"Then play something else," he requested, walking towards you. "I like watching you play."

Biting your lip, you scooted back a bit on the bed, the guitar in your lap. You began strumming a random chord progression before settling on "Blackbird" by the Beatles. You caught Harry's grin as he took another step forward and crawled back onto the bed. The bed shifted a bit as he laid back in the spot he'd been before, situating onto his side, propped on his elbow.

You sang along softly, feeling slightly nervous that he was watching you. When you plucked the final chord, and turned your head, you almost jumped at his expression.

It was a version of the same look he'd given you earlier only with wider eyes and a dimpled smile. His eyes blinked softly as he shook his head.

"You're amazing," he declared.

"Thanks," you nearly whispered.

"I could listen to you all night," he added, lying on his back, his hands behind his head. "In fact, go ahead and sing me to sleep."

You chuckled, nudging him in the hip. "Sorry, I don't do lullabies by request."

"Bugger," he muttered, his eyes closed.

You giggled again as you finally put the guitar back in the case. Then you laid back against the pillow.

"Wanna finish watching this?" you asked, grabbing the remote.

"Nah," Harry replied.

"Okay."

You stared at the ceiling in awkward silence until you suddenly felt Harry's hand touch yours, threading his fingers through. You dared to turn your head to look at him, but his eyes were still shut.

"I'm so glad you're here, Y/N," he said softly.

"Me too," you whispered.

Harry's eyes fluttered open then. It was hard to read his face this time. But one thing was certain. He wasn't peeling his gaze away from yours.

Rolling onto his side again, you felt the nerves tenfold as you anticipated his next move. You swallowed hard when he brought his over hand up to grip your hip, pulling you closer to him. You shifted onto your side then to face him as he lifted his hand to your cheek. His eyes seemed to sparkle when you looked into them, getting lost in the green. How did you never notice how green they were?

"Y/N," Harry whispered.

"Yes?"

Your heart was beating so fast, you thought surely it would beat right out of your chest. Harry's hand slid down your cheek, his fingers and thumb gripping your chin. Your eyes fluttered closed, waiting patiently. Then ever so gently, he lowered his mouth, pressing his lips against yours.

You bit your lip as you silently cursed yourself. Turning for the backstage area, you handed one of the crew your Strat, trading it for your acoustic guitar. You were having an off night. And you knew why.

That kiss the night before in your hotel room.

Okay, it was more than a kiss. At least it was to you. To you it had only confirmed your feelings for Harry. No longer were you teetering on the fence. You'd fallen for him.

Stepping back out onto the stage, you listened to Liam's chat with the crowd though your eyes were on another certain lad. Your heart thumped in your chest as you watched him wave to the audience, preparing to start the next song. On cue, you began strumming, though your skills now were automatic. You weren't even aware of what you were playing. All you could think about was that kiss...

His lips were incredibly soft. He took his time, careful not to rush. After the first few kisses, you felt his tongue swipe across your bottom lip. Opening your mouth slightly, you invited him in, your tongue meeting his. You felt a sound rise from your throat as you slid your hand up his chest and around to the back of his neck. He pulled you closer to him, his hand grazing the bit of exposed skin above the waistband of your jeans.

His touch felt electric. You thought you heard him hum against you as he continued to devour your lips. You couldn't believe this was happening. Every fiber inside you was on fire, a buzz zig-zagging down your body.

Your lips separated for a moment and your eyes opened slightly to see his mouth still nearly touching yours. His breath tickled your face as you continued to focus on his lips, almost afraid to meet his eyes. Suddenly, you saw his mouth form a word and it took you a second realize it was your name.

You blinked as you shifted your eyes up to look at his, the green seemingly darker than before.

"I...um..." Harry hesitated, swallowing hard. "I should probably go."

You opened your mouth, ready to ask him why, but you stopped yourself. "Oh."

"I mean...it's late and...I have an interview in the morning..."

"Oh yeah," you nodded vigorously. "Yeah, sure."

You watched as Harry climbed off the bed, grabbing his jacket that he'd tossed in the chair before walking to the door. You stayed in your spot, too nervous to move. When he looked back at you, he had that same strange expression on his face. You wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but your mouth was suddenly dry.

"I'll uh, see you tomorrow," he said.

You blinked and nodded. It was all you could do.

"'Night," Harry added before opening the door and slipping out.

You sat up then, looking around the room as though it held the answers. Your stomach flipped, only this time with a different kind of feeling. The worried feeling that Harry had regretted that kiss.

The song was over but for some reason you hadn't moved from your spot.

"Y/N" you suddenly heard, and you looked around before you realized it was coming from your ear monitor.

Completely flustered and embarrassed, you turned around once more to exchange guitars with the roadie. Slinging the strap over your head, you heard the bass drum kick in and you counted off for your intro to the next song. Trying your best to stay focused this time, you completed the rest of the concert, watching Harry and the other boys give the fans what they wanted.

Walking backstage, you handed off your guitar, wiping the sweat from your brow.

"Y/N," you heard again, this time coming from Niall who came jogging up behind you.

"I know, Niall, I missed my cue. I'm sorry," you told him, dropping your shoulders in defeat.

"You alright?" he asked with concern.

"I'm fine," you explained. "Just an off night, I guess."

"No worries, love," said Louis as he passed you, tapping you on the shoulder. "You were great."

You sucked in your lips, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. You shouldn't have let the memory of the night before distract you from your playing.

You continued down the hallway and were almost to your dressing room when you heard your name once more. Stopping in your tracks, you turned to see Harry walking towards you.

"Everything okay?" he inquired, his brows furrowed.

"Yes, alright?!" you exclaimed throwing up your hands. "I know, I fucked up a couple times! It happens! Aren't people allowed to make mistakes in this band?"

"Hey, easy," said Harry in a firm yet calming tone, gently grabbing your arms. "Yes, it's allowed. I was just making sure you were okay."

You shifted your eyes everywhere to avoid his gaze. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just fine."

Pulling away from him, you turned around and walked into your dressing room, slamming the door behind you.

Your chest was heaving with sobs. You weren't sure how long you'd been lying on your hotel bed crying. You hadn't bothered to say goodnight to Harry or anyone else when you'd left your dressing room and bolted for the bus. When you'd made it to the hotel, a very sleepy Harry and Niall had followed you into the lift, but no one had uttered a word and you'd avoided eye contact. As soon as you'd made it to your room, you'd pushed it open just as you heard something that sounded like your name, but you hadn't bothered to acknowledge it.

You hadn't even gotten undressed. Your suitcase sat just inside the door where you'd left it. You'd gone to the bathroom and left the light on, too exhausted and upset to turn it off. The light shone underneath the door, giving the only light in the room.

Why did one kiss have to turn you for a loop? Everything was fine before that kiss. You and Harry were still in the friend zone. He'd taken you to dinner, which had been a bit awkward but then you'd come back to your room and were having fun like old times. Why did he have to kiss you? And why did you have to let him?

Because I'm in love with him, you told yourself.

A fresh set of tears began to fall at the silent confession, just as you heard a knock at the door. Your body jolted, confused that perhaps you were hearing things. But when it sounded again, you knew someone was on the other side.

Quickly wiping your eyes, you rose from the bed, inhaling and exhaling deeply before opening the door. You blinked as the light from the hallway temporarily blinded you before you realized it was Harry standing there.

"H-Hi," you whispered, not sure what else to say.

"Can I come in?" he asked, his voice deep.

"Um...it's nearly four in the morning, Harry, I-"

"I don't care," he interrupted. "I need to talk to you."

You raised your eyebrows then. The last time he'd used that phrase had been in a text. But you recalled how nervous you had been then. The next thing you knew, you were One Direction's new guitarist.

"Yeah," you stepped back, allowing him to enter the room. "Sure."

Closing the door, you walked to the lamp to turn it on instead of flooding the room with unnecessary light. When you turned back around, Harry was standing at the foot of the bed, that odd look on his face. Dropping your shoulders, you let out an exasperated breath.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" you asked him.

"Like what?"

"Like...that," you pointed. "Like you're confused about something, or trying to solve me like some long math problem."

Harry took a step toward you. It looked as though he was about to reach out to you but changed his mind and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I am confused," he admitted. "Because I never thought..."

His words trailed off as he looked down at his feet which you now noticed were bare.

"You never thought what?" you whispered.

You watched him bite his bottom lip before blowing out an embarrassed chuckle. He shook his head and looked up at you.

"I never thought I'd feel this way about you."

Your heart went still in your chest. "You mean the kiss?"

"Yeah, I mean..." he nodded, stepping even closer, "I mean the kiss. But I mean everything else, too."

"Everything else?"

Harry lifted his hand to cup your cheek, his thumb grazing your bottom lip and down your chin.

"I enjoy being with you, Y/N," he cooed. "I know we've been friends for a long time, but... I feel like it's more than that now. Don't you?"

You nodded silently, raising your hand to touch his arm.

"I was kinda hoping I could get you to admit it last night," he grinned slightly. "At dinner. I could tell you were nervous."

You sheepishly looked down. "I was."

Harry lifted your chin with his finger. His eyes burned into yours and your stomach did a somersault again.

"I'm sorry I left last night like I did," he declared. "I was kinda nervous, too."

"You were?" you breathed.

Harry nodded. "Yeah. I know you probably think I regretted that kiss, but I didn't. Far from it, actually."

"Hmm," you sounded, biting your lip.

Harry swiped his thumb up, tugging your lip free from your teeth. Then slowly tilting his head, he lowered his mouth to yours. You lifted your hands to his neck, tangling your fingers in the back of his hair. The kiss deepened, making you weak in the knees. Harry's other hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you to him. When he finally released you, you were both breathing heavily, his forehead rested against yours.

"I think I'm falling for you, Y/N," he confessed.

You half cried, half giggled as your hands slid down his shoulders and pressed against his chest. You felt your eyes well up with tears again, only this time they were happy tears.

"What's the matter, love?" Harry inquired, wiping away two stray tears with his thumbs.

You gazed into his eyes once again, your chest falling as you let out a breath.

"I've been wanting to hear you say that for so long," you conveyed.

"Baby..." Harry whispered, his nose nudging yours before pulling you in for another passionate kiss.

This gave me the feels as I read this again. Sometimes I just really enjoy some sweet fluff and declarations of love.

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[zaimta]

Hi there. How are doing? I saw requests are open and I just had to put something in. Could I please have Zoro (or Sanji, I put both because I can’t decide), with a female reader who is their best friend as well as girlfriend who joins the Strawhats at the same time as them? Like how did they join? Did they come at the same time or did their boyfriend come back for them so they could join the crew? I hope that makes any sense. Thank you.

zai says:G5 TRAILER GOT ME ON THAT GRIND. also new format for when people ask for specific gender readers💯

ˏˋ«────── « 𓆩♡𓆪 » ──────»

RORONOA ZORO

this goes for both of them but i see his girlfriend joining the crew like how usopp did, luffy saw her as an ally so therefore his friend so basically she’s held hostage the minute they have a conversation

you run into luffy when he walks around the town with koby loudly lookin at zoro, which was one of the dumbest things he did

“you’re looking for zoro? what for?” luffy looked at her with bright eyes, he’s easy to read and it was clear he was glad she asked “well im gonna get him to join my crew!” she laughed loudly then regained her composure “…you serious?” (louis reference)

you still showed him around anyways as you explained the predicament your boyfriend was in, and luffy being luffy being himself took it upon himself to talk to him which caused her to roll her eyes. you try to stop him because the only reason y’all are on the island is because of the deal he made but ofc luffy don’t listen

when he asks zoro to join his crew you have to bite back a laugh because he was literally held hostage

he turns around “hey! what are you laugin for you’re joining my crew too!” she looks around and points to herself with a single brow “hm? what me too? i don’t think so i don’t plan on becoming a pirate. you boys have your fun.” she laughed and looked at the two. once she locked eyes with zoro she fought the urge to roll her own, his eyes screamed “if i’m in this you are too.”

SANJI

you talk to luffy when sanji is being stubborn. honestly, luffy takes a liking to you and he wants you to join his crew too. in his mind if he could get both of y’all on his crew the more gang the better

she taps the pirate on his shoulder and smiles “i heard what you said to sanji a while ago. if you really want him to join your crew i’ll talk to him for you.” she leans against the railing of the balcony and looks out at the sea “from what i’ve been told he thinks he owes the old man something you know? he’s trying to pay off some debt he gave himself. but” she turns to face the captain of the straw hats “i want him to join your crew. you seem like a good guy and he’s not going to achieve his dream by sticking around here.”

nami totally loves you too by the way! she’s all “hey if he can’t join the crew why don’t we take y/n instead i like her more”

luffy swears up n down he not leaving till sanji joins his crew. he asks you about sanji but you can only do so much because sanji is his own person! the minute sanji decides to join luffy’s crew he talks to you first

“i think it’s time for me to leave this place y/n.” he sits against the outside wall and takes a slow drag from his cigarette “you don’t have to come with me of course i know how much you love it here.” she gently laughs “yeah because there’s nothing like a sea restaurant and serving pompous marines…you know that luffy guy made me an offer to join his crew too.” he’s eyes widen and he quickly turns his head to look at you “he did?!” she nods “so it sounds like the straw hats have two new members huh?”

when y’all save nami she’s so excited that she’s no longer the only girl on the crew. she’s totally your wing woman and if you need any alone time with sanji she has your back

[moonisneveralone]

Y'all I'm saying this with the biggest love for y'all, but do not bond too hard with a fictional character over your trauma. Especially not in this fucking series. Maybe if it's a closed medium like a movie where similar themes are explored in a way that cathartic to you that can work, but you don't know where they're taking this character and what they will have him do. So keep a layer of seperation.

I'm saying this cause I kept seeing people say things like there was hesitation in Armands eyes when Louis told him to get in the coffin.

I think the confusion has multiple levels. It is ambiguous.

People want to be protective of Armand, especially because of his history with slavery and sexual violence. That is absolutely fair. While for honesty sake I'm still in the I don't trust Armand camp, I still feel like much would be lost in my enjoyment of Assads acting ability and the series overall if I just thought of him as cartoonishly evil. To me he's a dangerous being that finds a way, while insisting on being a mercyful being. Mercy and willfulness will bring forth a specific kind of cruelty. That's what I think. So feel free to take my opinions with a grain of salt if you believe Armand completely.

But there are two things that people assume about the dynamic Louis and Armand have in Paris that I take issue with.

First is that it was solely Louis who basically forced Armand into the role of a submissive. I do not think so. The scene where Armand tells Louis about himself works twofold. On one hand Louis is supposed to understand it as an inivitation. Armand is showing himself to vulnerable to gain Louis trust. He's also showing Louis that their relationship will be different from the one he had with Lestat. But I think the ground work for the d/s dynamic is Armand asking Louis who he is. Remember that is what Armand says he does. He finds the vulnerability. That is what convinced Louis to chose Armand, which is what Armand wanted. However Armand is still clearly the one in power (which is how a dynamic like that should work). Louis can't make him do what he doesn't want to do. Armand has denied Louis when he wants to. Another clue to the fact that their dynamic definitely has rules in Paris is the Paris version of "Are you asking me or making me?" that Armand immediately apologized for. Opinions may differ, but I think he's well aware that Louis asked him and did not want to play in that moment. So Louis definitely also has boundaries. They've not talked about it like I imagine a well adjusted couple would do nowadays, but they have shown each other what lines not to cross.

Okay the get in the coffin scene. A lot of people have said there was a hesitation on Armands part. I did not see it personally. I would love to know where that idea comes from.

One thing seems to be that it was around the coven. Armand himself said he has fucked most of them and some at the theater. Santiago was getting head mid conversation some episodes ago. Supposedly Armand and Lestat fucked in the Opera with Nicki watching. I doubt that he seriously had an issue with the idea in genral.

What I saw in that scene was the equivalent to "Come to bed love" "I still have work to do" "I am wearing the thing you like" cue pushing the Laptop of the table running. The look that Armand gave Louis after he said face down in the coffin read as horny contemplation to me if anything. Working his jaw that way and looking Louis up and down just a moment shy of licking his lips and letting his tongue cartoonishly roll out his mouth. That's what I saw. Even if we were a little squeaked out by Armand not immediately consenting,

I think it's very normal to deny yourself pleasure you're generally open to in the face of responsibilities. To me it was a very "You're right it can wait." or "You know what? That's more fun." type of energy.

I have a lot of things on my mind as to why that didn't translate. Some people have openly talked about relating to Armands trauma and therefore being uncomfortable. I think to people with certain traumas this type of play can be very triggering and therefore should be approached with caution. It is still important that you know when your perception of things is bleeding into how you're picking up on cues in a fictional story though. That's why I said it's a little dangerous to get too attached.

Louis and Armand are toxic for multiple reasons, but to me personally the kink aspect is the least toxic aspect. To be honest if it were a healthy relationship and that was what both of them needed to feel safe and secure in the relationship I would be down for that. Truely go of kings. But I can't say that, because that's not what's going on and it's not that kind of show.

People have also said that Armand is retraumatising himself with the dom/sub dynamic. I think if anything him trying to keep a crushing hold on Louis is the more traumatising aspect. Fully knowing he is mot loved as he should be, but chosing to stay with Louis. Slowly draining Louis of everything that fascinated Armand about him, everything that Armand seems to like in a man until Louis is just as grey as the walls of that Penthouse is doing worse things to his psyche than any play ever could. That's my honest opinion. Because again sexually or not Armand will still do what he wants. Either himself if he can uphold his powerful benovelence or through a distructive force of his choosing. There is a moment where the relationship stopped being a relationship and became a job to him. Someone said that Armand never moves on without something new in mind. Maybe that's what it is. That he wouldn't know what to do with himself yet. He's waiting for the other shoe to finally drop.

Also one of the writers DEFINITELY did this nad wanted us to know it was an option. Girlies who like their writing and wanna spice things up this is your time.

TDLR I have nuanced reasons to believe Armand definitely wanted to get backshots in that codfin while he read.

[elastylinson28]

It’s just starting to sink in that Liam is actually gone, and we will never see him again. One day, we will reach his age and be older than he ever was. And the most painful truth of all is that he’s now just a memory, and that is all he’ll ever be.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to friends messaging me, asking if it’s true. I didn’t know what “true” meant; I had no idea what was going on. I was so confused until one friend said, “It’s all over social media—Liam’s dead.” I immediately opened Twitter and saw the freshest tweets talking about the accident. I struggled to believe it. I thought maybe it was just a hoax, considering he’d just been in the spotlight a week ago, once again facing backlash. Then I went on Facebook and saw Good Morning America post about it, along with familiar names—names from years ago, names I hadn’t seen in a while, but still recognized from the days when I grew up loving One Direction.

I was shaken.

I didn’t know that a celebrity’s death could hit me this hard. Tears quickly followed, and I felt overwhelmed, like I might pass out. Just a few days before, I had been on Twitter defending Liam’s name over the pettiest reasons, with people pointing out the little things he did, claiming that the rest of the 1D guys always hated him.

I soon found out about the allegations against him, yet the little girl in me—the little girl who loved One Direction so deeply—just finds it hard to believe. Still, I gave the women my trust and decided that maybe it was time to accept that I don’t know these men personally. I chose to stay clear and quiet about all things Liam, as I couldn’t bring myself to even say anything, especially against him. It sounds wrong, but you can’t just simply erase all the years you spent loving and supporting someone that quickly. Instead, I chose to focus on the other lads and ignore all the controversies.

Days passed, and what was meant to be just another random day, the 17th, became a day that changed everything. I woke up to a completely different world—a world where Liam doesn’t exist. It’s a day I will never forget; a day that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I spent the entire day on social media, sharing my grief with strangers who, like me, share a love for these guys, as well as people from my past who loved One Direction just as deeply. We all share this grief, all over the world, mourning for what has gone and what could’ve been. It did not have to end like this—a tragedy of this magnitude is so painful that it eats you alive.

It’s been years since I’ve come to terms with the fact that they are never coming back, and that’s okay. I accepted that, knowing that the little girl in me won’t and will never be able to. I believed that one day, when they were much older, they’d reunite for the last time—all five of them: Niall, Louis, Liam, Harry, and even Zayn. I knew it would be far, far off in the future, but I believed it would happen. But with his passing, all hope is gone. No matter what happens, One Direction just isn’t One Direction anymore, and that, I think, is the toughest pill I’ve ever had to swallow.

Liam’s gone.

Liam has always been the light of the band. Even as a young girl, I knew and recognized that he led them; he was called the “Daddy Direction” for a reason. Even after the band, he remained so supportive of them. As painful and hard as it is to admit, Liam didn’t get the recognition and success that the other four have. To see someone you adored get left behind and hated by the fans of the same people he called brothers hurt. And that is a fact that will always devastate me—how wronged he was by the public and the industry, and how that led him to inflict harm not just on himself but also on others. He needed help. He deserved help—a chance to get better. Looking back, I can’t help but wonder if things hadn’t gone wrong.

It’s so heartbreaking to think of the weight of all his struggles, the loneliness he must have felt, and the lost moments that can never be reclaimed. He died believing the world had turned its back on him, he was robbed of a second chance at life. He will never have the opportunity to witness his son grow up or create new memories with his family. Most tragically, he never got to experience the outpouring of love he is receiving now from the world and his brothers, a love that he deserved to feel when he was still alive.

Liam, you deserved so much more than the silence that now surrounds you. Rest now, knowing you will never be forgotten.

[nalyra-dreaming]

https://www.tumblr.com/nalyra-dreaming/766550532732092416/hi-nalyra-i-hope-youre-well-ive-been-rereading

Same anon.

Absolutely agreed, especially since they really can’t go back without making a mess. They shot the arrow, now they can’t tear it away without bringing the flesh with them.

Personally I think that, as you said, we could have vampires who directly drank from Akasha (the twins, Marius, Akasha’s fledgling) blackout and have violent outbursts they have memory of but felt like they couldn’t control themselves. I was rewatching one of my favorite childhood shows where one arc had a character become very vicious to their love interest and pick another woman because of a love enchantment. Once freed, he tells their love interest that it felt like his mouth spoke and his limbs acted but he wasn’t leading himself, as if he was strapped to the control chair. And I think it’s a metaphor they could use for the ““violent”” vampires too. Having this happen in flashbacks could help too.

Ultimately they’ll have to introduce Amel and, I think, they could have him face Louis for a moment during a fight and have a little moment where he says something along the lines of “I know these eyes. Ah yes, a century ago, I remember you. Dropping you was exquisite to do” and then have a little montage of Louis “realizing”/imagining how Lestat’s possession happened.

To avoid any abuse apologia, they could have Lestat still take ownership of the fact he started the fight and acted abusively throughout their reconciliation period until Mardi Gras. Even though the audience will know by the time Amel is introduced that Lestat acted like that out of fear and wish to protect his family, this self awareness even with Louis might be the best course of action. Everything in the sense that “I might not have been in control of myself during, but I was before and after, and I was awful to you both. Even if one thing is not my direct doing, I should’ve controlled myself”.

Besides, this arc aside, Amel being the one behind so much pain for Louis could give him a bigger role in the storyline, which book Louis didn’t have. I’d love to see a scene where, while Lestat is undergoing the procedure to remove Amel, Louis meets and confronts shadows or ghosts from their past. Maybe Magnus’ ghost, with Lestat’s face plastered on himself, during a chess game? Maybe a demonic Claudia? Maybe ghosts of people from his and/or Lestat’s mortal lives? I’d love to see it.

Regardless, back to the main point, I really hope they’ll have a writer for this specific “it was Amel all along” arc, because we need someone who knows what to do, how to portray credibly all these things, and most of all how to not trigger #them

Mhhh, I don't think they'll use Amel for a lot of that, tbh.

And remember, the "abusive" coloring, while certainly true in parts (and Louis downplayed them being threatened to lay it out as abusive paranoia!) is part of the tale - the "had" to kill Lestat. Something Louis himself sees as "debatable"later. If you know Merrick...

But I digress. Amel won't be part of that coloring. Nor the drop. They established that. It's done. It will have other, different reasons.

No, Amel will be only the part outside I think, where Lestat was so... different. And that will go over badly enough, as I talked about before (and to repeat, I'm not particularly happy about it).

Also, as a note, and not to take away from the fight, but it's Louis who flies at Lestat and kindles it between them. Because of Lestat going at Claudia, yes, and I'm not saying that's wrong as an action of Louis, but Lestat does not attack Louis and start the fight between them.

As per "#them"... I don't care anymore. They will be offended by anything that will happen there. They are offended by DM being popular (it's a DECADES old ship but facts mean little these days), they are offended by people liking Lestat, they are offended at this show being about nuance and terrible people all around. It's all the same song, all the time, with little regards to facts, the shifting narrative, or what the show actually tries to say. They can stay on their little song, and maybe it'll make them happy. But I doubt it.

[gracefullou]

been a Larry cause of fanfiction, and honestly, I've come to totally despise Harry. I need someone to make me disbelieve in the Larry masterposts. please help

I'm so sorry, i can't help you with that. I have no energy to debunk larry masterposts and all the lies that have been told by larries over the years. What I can tell you though is that Louis has explicitly said that Larry is not real. And real or not, it has always been harmful to Louis both professionally and personally. Just look at the harassment his family faces on a daily basis by larries fishing for their silly "proofs". What awful things they allow themselves to post about a literal child. In any case, all those "proofs" or let's say "moments" are from a decade ago give or take a year or two. There hasn't been a positive indicator that these two are even in contact for years now. Louis' principles are worlds apart from that man's (yes, opposites attract but there has to be commun beliefs and ethics. Hello, greedy fuckers?). Also, think about it rationally. In 2019, when Louis was f*cked over and was barely even allowed to release his debut album (after YEARS of fighting for it) with zero promo whatsoever by Sony while they were doing everything to promote that man, do you really think it's possible to just sleep on the fact that your "husband" or partner or whatever tf larries believe is partners and friends even with the same people trying to ruin your career (that man is literally besties with Rob Stringer. He had lunch with him in 2019 two days after fizzy's death, recorded his album at his house, sang happy birthday to his daughter at his concert and sat with him at the scammys)? No wonder larries thought of every shadow they saw at that man's concerts in his first tour as Louis, they clearly think he's a doormat who has no self-esteem or even a little respect and devotion towards his profession (no matter how many times he proved them wrong with both actions and words). Like they really think Louis would kiss a man who called his late mother "someone's mom" in the mouth and continue to have a happy relationship with him 💀. Louis is clearly not fond of that man anymore. He's always polite and answers with his never ending grace and generosity when asked about him (mainly bc he cherishes the 1D legacy too much to ever shit on one of its members) but the difference in his statements and the way he speaks about him compared to 2017 is very obvious and so telling. Just recently, larries were celebrating both of them being at the Euros final when there hasn't been any pics of them together 💀. I repeat, two ex-bandmembers were at the same event at the same time but didn't meet eachother (there's no way they met and no one took a pic). What does that say? If they were "married" wouldn't the obvious choice be to meet eachother, or if "management wouldn't allow that and since apparently both Louis and that man chose signaling to larries as their purpose in life💀" wouldn't the obvious choice be for that man to take a step back and just not go since Louis is the big football fan? It's clear they don't talk to eachother AT ALL, probably for years now 😌. Whether there was a romantic relationship or not before i can't tell but 2019 forward, it's obvious that 100% there's no relatioship of any kind there. Probably, no contact at all (remmember Euphoria 😬). Lastly, anon. Even if larry was real (which is not), you don't have to support that man if you don't like him anymore. I hate the notion that if you love louis, you have to support the other people around him inculding his non-existent husband.

[louisisalarrie]

I really don’t understand how Zayn fans are saying only the long term fans should buy tickets. I saw this happening with Niall and Louis too. I’m all for everyone having their own opinion but to call someone out for not being a fan long enough is just bizarre to me.

Hello anon, and welcome to the show!

soooooo this is a tricky one. we see it with pretty much any super famous and well loved high profile artist/band, most recently, with Oasis.

while oasis’s fanbase is a totally different demographic to one direction and their solo careers, there has been MASSIVE arguments about who deserves tickets, if you’re a “real fan” or over the age of ___ you should get first access etc etc., and it’s a very frustrating debate.

I couldn’t give less of a fuck about oasis btw lol (sorry louis), so I’m not deep into whatever is happening there, but that’s the gist of what I’ve seen. but listen… the thing is is that the demand is extremely high and they unfortunately can’t play to absolutely everybody who wants a ticket. more frustratingly, the prices of tickets are now through the roof, so a lot of fans can’t even see their fave artist even with a ticket at the very back of the venue. it’s disgusting and live music should not be a luxury, but I digress

Personally, I can empathise with the folks who feel this way. I’m not saying that new fans don’t deserve tickets, or that they shouldn’t buy tickets, but I think the frustration runs far deeper than that for these folks, and that’s not the newer fans’ fault. It’s the ticket buying system, and Artist loyalty.

Ticketmaster is proper broken these days too hahahaha. The dynamic pricing (anon who messaged me about this I am getting to you promise xx) model, the website not handling copious amounts of traffic which they should be expecting, multiple onsales at the same time for a million different shows, the number system, etc…. It’s just all a bit yucky, and it’s frustrating fans to no end. Just have a look at all the TS stuff that happened with the Eras tour. Fans were purchasing tickets and then lost them immediately, got kicked out before the timer finished, tickets flew out the door, so many were bought by scalpers because of the high demand, some people were in line on that website for 3 hours before it finally let them in and said that there were tickets still available, but when they went to pay, the tickets disappeared. It’s crazy.

And so ticketing try to break this up into timezones, presales, etc. but it’s still too much to handle and not enough tickets. And it comes down to how much the artist wants to perform, venue bookings, profit, exclusivity, scheduling and it’s very frustrating and unfair that only some folks get tickets, but it is the way it is. But I still hold Ticketmaster/ticketek/all ticketing platforms to up their damn game because it’s bullshit lol

Anyway, so that’s already a hurdle of going and seeing your fave artist. So you’re already not guaranteed a ticket due to how many people want to go, and then that frustration morphs and it’s like well… I should be guaranteed a ticket because I’ve been here for years and I’ve grown up with this band/they’ve meant everything to me/this is finally my chance to see them/ive followed them for 15 years or whatever, and then that brings in an emotional side to it that just exacerbates the frustration of the availability vs demand.

On top of that, when it comes to 1d, they went on “hiatus” like 9 years ago, and they’re all doing solo stuff. 3/5 are doing successful world tours, liam hasn’t dropped any new music/marketing/a plan to tour in ages, and zayn is finally comfortable enough to be back. It’s amazing! I’m sooooooo happy for him. But it’s a very tiny tour, and he hasn’t toured in an extremely long time, and there were a hell of a lot of zayn girlies in the 1d days. So it’s the loyalty, of being a fan from the 1d days, throughout the hiatus, following all of their solo careers afterwards and still being an active part of the fandom, can feel like you deserve this more than others because you’ve been here the whole time. And no one deserves to see live music more than other people. I’m a massive believer that it should be accessible to everyone. But when we talk about “real fans” or not, it’s so much more of a larger problem than just who has been a fan for longer. It’s all of the above, and venue sizes/avails, and finances etc.

It’s a bit different with Harry because he did a million stadiums, so way more people had way more chances to get tickets… the demand was high, but there was a lot more availability. Louis, niall, and zayn have been and are doing theatre and arena shows, which are not as often consecutively in the same city as harry’s, and so the fear of missing out on tickets just runs all that deeper.

You can’t verify a “real fan” though. Like… how would you do a “real fan” presale? A buzzfeed quiz on how many songs you can name? A photo of all your merch? Tweets from when you were 13 about that artist? Nope. Doesn’t work like that, which just layers on that exasperation. Buying tickets has now become hard work.

And everyone wants to see their favourite artist, but if you’ve been waiting 15 years as opposed to 2, you can understand the frustration with the system. It’s a similar thing as the argument on 18+ shows for 1d’s reunion (which I am for btw) - not ALL shows will be 18+, there will be obviously AA shows in those same cities as well. That’d be the deal, and that’s how they’d run it. And it’s not trying to be a “cooler” show, even though I think those boys would jump at the chance to only play to 18+ and make it NOT a family show bc they’re disgusting lol, but it’s a good way to divvy up the tickets. And there are fans that are over 18 who have only liked 1d/solos for 2 months, and they could get a ticket. But the point is that there is room for people who grew up with them to have a chance.

It’s unfortunate that people feel this way though, because we shouldn’t be taking it out on each other and deciding who should be able to support our fave artist/band, it should be good vibes and everyone should be able to see them. But when you’ve been around for almost 14/15 years reblogging photos and actively taking part in a fandom, it’s understandable to feel like you deserve a ticket.

I don’t condone any of these feelings to then become attacks towards newer or younger fans though, mind you. I think it’s awful to start making people feel like shit that they haven’t been a fan long enough, and that’s very yucky. You shouldn’t feel like you’re not worthy to be in a fandom or go to a concert just because you’ve not been around as long, ever. That’s not cool. We’re all here enjoying ourselves as a team, supporting people who make us happy. Everyone who’s a fan, is a real fan.

So yeah. This is quite a ramble but I hope it may have helped unravel a bit as to why people are expressing these feelings, and why they have them. And we can talk about all different ways to make ticketing easier, like the ballot system, 18+/AA, more shows, multiple ticketing platforms etc. but at the end of the day, this is what we’re dealing with and people are annoyed af at the whole thing.

thanks for coming xx

[jocelynships]

Be My Girl?

I was originally gonna write more to this, but I like how it is now!

So, have some tooth rotting fluff with my S/I and Ray, and their first kiss 💚👻💚

Divider by @/enchanthings

Ray and Jocelyn fell into a comfortable silence on the way back to her apartment.

Jocelyn glanced over at him for a brief moment, taking note of his side profile, and how the street lights highlighted his mismatched eyes so beautifully. Her eyes lingered on his lips for a moment, feeling almost jealous of the cigarette perfectly balanced between them. They seemed so soft, and she wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

Now if she could just work up the courage to reach over and do so.

She looked away, trying to push her feelings back down.

Ever since the Gozer incident, Jocelyn had finally come to terms with the fact she had fallen fast and hard in love with him. It wasn’t just a ‘crush’ anymore. And the others, especially Janine, were relentless in trying to convince her to finally tell him how she felt.

After all, she only sobbed to Janine about how she never got to tell him how she felt, thinking he had died on top of that building.

“Jocelyn… Jocelyn?”

His voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she turned to face him, wide eyed, “Sorry, what was that?”

“Are you alright? You’re staring out at nothing again,” he asked, seemingly concerned but giving her a gentle smile nonetheless. He had removed the cigarette from his mouth for a brief moment, the smoke rolling off his lips while he spoke.

That damn smile was going to be the death of her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… thinking,” she trailed off, avoiding eye contact with him.

“About what?”

“Everything,” Jocelyn swallowed hard, “The past few weeks have been pretty hectic.”

“That they have,” he nodded, noticing how she quickly turned away, “How are you holding up?”

“I’m not the one who almost died,” Jocelyn shook her head.

“You were really that worried about us, huh?” Ray’s voice was quiet. He seemed concerned.

“Of course. The roof of that apartment complex exploded,” Jocelyn twirled a strand of hair around her finger, “I was worried you guys didn’t make it.”

“But we made it. You have nothing to worry about now, Joce,” Ray placed his hand on her knee, and Jocelyn felt her cheeks burn up, and every thought vanished from her mind for a split second. He took notice of her silence, and her staring at his hand, and quickly removed it, “Sorry, personal space, I know.”

“You’re fine. It’s just… I don’t know what I’d do if you guys all died,” Jocelyn trailed off, then added quietly, “Especially if you died.”

Ray didn’t know what to say in response, just shared a sympathetic look towards the young woman he had grown so fond of.

It was clear she was still shaken up from the events that occurred a few weeks ago. She had barely escaped the old firehouse with Egon, Peter, Janine and Louis. He felt bad he couldn’t comfort her in that moment, as the next thing he knew he was being dragged away by the police. Apparently Janine had to hold her back from chasing the cop car down.

And in the past few weeks, she had begun to cling to his side more often than before. She had upped her affection with everyone, even Peter. Usually the two had bickered, but recently she hadn’t been giving him grief or shooting insults back at him.

But with Ray? She was practically attached to his hip.

The others claimed she had quite a crush on him. He never thought much of it, only that they were pulling his leg.

But the past week, he started wondering if everyone was serious. And he certainly didn’t miss Jocelyn’s quick glances at him out of the corner of his eye, especially how her eyes flickered down to his lips for a brief second, only for her to look away after.

After all, he couldn’t deny his own feelings for her. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't falling for her in return.

He turned to face her for a moment, and she quickly turned her head again, and he could swear he saw the faintest blush on her cheeks.

“Hey,” he spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Hm?” Jocelyn looked up at him again, at least this time having a reason to.

“You know you won’t be able to get rid of me that easily, right?” Ray flashed her a grin, balancing the cigarette between his teeth, and reaching over and tilting her chin up with a gentle touch of his hand. She turned red again, and his grin only grew.

“Y-yeah,” Jocelyn nodded, feeling like the air had been knocked out of her lungs. Suddenly the smoke and the smell of cigarettes was a bit too much, “Can I roll down the window?”

“Go ahead, I’ll put this out,” Ray removed the cigarette from his lips, putting it out in the ashtray, “I don’t want to bother you with my bad habits.”

“It isn’t bothering me,” Jocelyn took a deep breath as the cool night air hit her face. She turned back to Ray and gave him a smile, “I just needed some fresh air to help me stay awake.”

It was a small lie, but she couldn’t reveal the fact she was flustered to high heaven by him doing something as simple as smoking. She didn’t even find that trait attractive, yet she couldn’t help but find everything he did to be so.

It almost angered her.

“Well, we’re just about to your place now, so you can get some sleep soon,” Ray nodded ahead of him, and Jocelyn felt a small pang of disappointment in her chest. She didn’t want to leave just yet. It had been a lovely night with him, even though it was nothing more than a small dinner and a ride home.

As he parked, Jocelyn let out a small sigh of disappointment that her time with Ray had come to an end.

“Thanks for the ride, Ray, I always appreciate it,” Jocelyn unbuckled her seat.

“Wait!” Ray exclaimed, making Jocelyn freeze up for a moment as he held up his hands to stop her from moving, “Let… let me walk you to your apartment.”

Jocelyn stayed where she was, stifling a laugh as he practically scrambled to get out of the Ecto-1, nearly tripping over his own two feet doing so. She couldn’t help but smile as he circled around to her side of the car and opened up the door for her.

“You are ever the gentleman, Dr. Stantz,” Jocelyn giggled as he offered her his arm.

“Ah, remember what we all said about the formalities?” Ray joked, giving her a wink.

Jocelyn blushed, and glanced away from him. She was glad it was dark out, not wanting him to see her face burning red over such a simple gesture.

The walk to her apartment was quiet, only the sound of their footsteps against the concrete breaking the silence between them.

Ray glanced down at Jocelyn, wondering if he should attempt to make a move. God knew she wouldn’t, especially with what Egon and Winston said about her denying it until she was blue in the face.

But at the same time, he didn’t want to overwhelm her.

As they approached her apartment, Ray slowed his steps, and so did Jocelyn.

“I uh… had a lot of fun tonight,” Ray cleared his throat, tapping the fingers of his free hand against his thigh. They stopped in front of her apartment, and Jocelyn pulled away so she could turn and talk to him face to face.

“I did too,” Jocelyn smiled up at him, looking away again when he returned the smile, “Seriously, thanks for dinner tonight. It was nice to actually spend time with you away from work.”

“It was my pleasure, doll,” he tilted his head and broke out into another grin as she blushed even harder at the pet name, “Someone had to take you out and show you a real date.”

Silence fell between the two again, and Jocelyn found herself rocking back and forth on her heels.

“So… that was a date?”

“If you want it to be. I know I do.”

“Well… it was a lovely date,” Jocelyn kept looking everywhere but at him. She was flustered, and Ray knew it, and relished in the fact he had this effect on her, “I… I should probably get to bed. It is late and I do work tomorrow.”

“As do I,” Ray laughed, “I’ll let you get to bed, Sleeping Beauty.”

“Goodnight, Ray,” Jocelyn made eye contact with him again, offering a shy smile.

“Goodnight, Jocelyn,” he nodded, the smile not leaving his face.

He took a step backwards, giving her a wave before turning to head back to the Ecto-1.

Jocelyn stayed put in front of the door, not even going to reach for her keys yet. She watched Ray slowly walk away, contemplating if she should call him back and ask to kiss him.

“You really need to tell him how you feel, hun! What if he gets into another life or death situation? You’re going to be a mess if you don’t tell him. Besides, he likes you too. I have a gut feeling. And I’m hardly ever wrong about these things.”

Janine’s voice echoed in her head, and Jocelyn took a deep breath. She opened her mouth to call out to him, but before she could get any words out, Ray turned on his heel to face her.

“You know, I’m going to be kicking myself in the ass all night if I don’t do this,” Ray said as he walked back up to her.

“Do what?” Jocelyn furrowed her brows in confusion, only to freeze up as Ray cupped her face in his hands, one of his thumbs gently rubbing her cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” his voice was quiet as he looked down at her with the sweetest smile and softest look in his eyes.

Jocelyn’s mouth opened, but no words came out in her surprise.

The man of her dreams was asking to kiss her.

“Sorry, that was a bit too forward, wasn’t it? You- we don’t have to-” he started rambling an apology but Jocelyn shakily placed her hands on his chest, her fingers curling around his coat.

“I thought you’d never ask. Please,” Jocelyn nodded eagerly. Ray then relaxed, the soft look in his eyes had returned.

He leaned in slowly, and Jocelyn took in a sharp breath. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest as she glanced down at his lips, eyes fluttering shut before he closed the gap between them. She just about went weak in the knees the moment Ray pressed his lips against hers. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating, and his lips even softer than she could have ever imagined.

Jocelyn sighed against Ray’s lips, nearly melting into his embrace. One of his hands moved behind to cradle her head, fingers burying themselves into her hair. He then moved his other arm around her waist, pulling Jocelyn in even closer than before as he deepened the kiss.

But Ray was gentle still, careful not to overwhelm Jocelyn too much.

They stayed like that for a few moments, tilting their heads back and forth, lips locking together.

But all too soon, Ray pulled away.

Jocelyn followed his lips subconsciously, and Ray let out a small chuckle.

“Wow…” Jocelyn was nearly breathless, her hands still planted firmly on his chest. She was thankful he had an arm around her, worried she might fall over if he didn’t.

“Let me guess, out of all the guys you’ve kissed, I’m the best kisser, aren’t I?” Ray asked as Jocelyn smiled up at him with a slightly dazed and dreamy expression. However, the question seemed to snap her back to reality somewhat, and her face burned bright red.

“Actually… I’ve never kissed anyone before. You… you’re the first,” Jocelyn bashfully admitted, and the grin on Ray’s face only grew wider.

“Really?! A beautiful girl like you has never been kissed before?!” he exclaimed, and Jocelyn couldn’t help but laugh as he dived in for another kiss. They smiled against each other, Ray repeatedly leaving small, quick kisses against her lips before moving to kiss her cheeks, forehead, and nose.

“I’m honored,” Ray mumbled against her temple, arms tightening around her.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you since the day we met,” Jocelyn sighed happily, hiding her face in his chest, “That was amazing. More so than I imagined.”

“You know, I thought Peter was dicking around with me when he told me you had a big crush on me,” Ray swayed back and forth with her.

“God, the second Peter realized I had a crush on you, he wouldn’t let me live it down. Then Janine has been on my ass for the past few weeks for me to tell you how I felt,” Jocelyn shook her head, sighing exasperatedly.

The pair stood there for a moment, swaying back and forth gently in each other’s arms, content to be surrounded by the other.

“So… I guess the next thing to ask is if you’ll be my girl,” Ray spoke up, his voice soft.

Jocelyn pulled away from him slightly to look up at him, unable to stop smiling.

“I would like that. I would like that a lot.”

“Good. Because I would too.”

He tilted her chin up, and pressed one more kiss against her lips. Just a small, chaste one. But it was more than enough to convey how much he cared for her.

“Well… I guess I should head inside,” Jocelyn hesitantly stated, not yet wanting to leave Ray, her boyfriend, just yet.

“It is late,” Ray sighed, “But I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning? Get coffee together?”

“I’d love nothing more, Ray,” Jocelyn smiled before he let go of her and let her grab her keys out of her purse.

“Goodnight, doll.”

“Goodnight, doctor.”

“Ah, no formalities, especially now,” he lightheartedly teased her.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Jocelyn rolled her eyes playfully before unlocking the door to her apartment. She took a step in and glanced back over at Ray, blowing him one last kiss before he turned to head back to the Ecto-1. He reached up and acted as if he caught the kiss in his hand, and put it in his pocket.

“For later!” he called out, and Jocelyn’s smile grew.

She closed the door once he turned around and got back to the car.

Ray Stantz was truly the guy she was dreaming of her whole life. And the fact he liked her back? How did she manage to get so lucky?

She knew the others would tease them relentlessly tomorrow. There was no doubt Ray would end up telling them he kissed her.

But some light teasing was worth it.

~~~

Taglist:

@gibles-lovely-selfships @frozenhi-chews @eldritchships @purple-jackett @laioswife @soulnottainted @amalthea-wolfwood @pechaberriesandsoju @cherubdulce @wisp-herr-rbs

[foxes-that-run]

Walking in the wind

Harry Styles has a gift for answering a question and not answering it at all at once. In the Made in the A.M track by track he said WITW was inspired by Paul Simon’s song Graceland.

I love how Harry's solo work draws modern inspiration from his diverse music tastes and he encourages his fans to broaden their tastes. Hindsight being 20/20 you can see where he went with his debut in that short video and this song.

When Simon wrote Graceland he and Carrie Fisher were divorcing and his relationship with Art Garfunkel was bitter. Simon said Graceland was a metaphor for the journey to mend a broken heart. Much like 2015 Harry who had broken up with Taylor and was on tour as One Direction ended. Simon also went to Africa to make this album, much like Harry went to South America for debut.

Timeline

Made on the AM was written in Japan in February 2015. Harry talked being able to just write 'good songs' because it wouldn’t be toured which made space for a song like this. WITW was probably written between February and May 2015. Harry and Taylor had been close at the end of 2014, it was over on or by his 21st birthday 2 February 2015. His smile when he saw her at the start (0:29) of BBMAs showed no animosity, but it’s unlikely WITW was written after the BBMAs in May (Woman). He also started looking even sadder live then.

To rolling stone Julian Bunetta said:

“That title was born in Japan. Just the title of it and the idea of it. Everyone’s different experiences of what they’re going through, whether it’s this or that, I’d like to think that these songs can apply to more than just [one instance].”

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Harry] A week ago, you said to me "Do you believe I'll never be too far?" If you're lost, just look for me You'll find me in the region of the summer stars The fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye Means we've already won A necessity for apologies between you and me Baby, there is none

The relaxed and happy tone depicts their romantic friendship that continues. I think they genuinely cared for each other, are nice people who both prioritised their careers. To me, “the fact we can say goodbye means we’ve already won” shows that mutual respect for each other.

To me “Do you believe I’ll never be too far” is agreeing to be apart while they focus on being massively famous and together in the future.

In the context of their later work about being end game, the 1, sushi is about having only a piece of your persons life, in as it was and golden he sings about it being time or feel her taking over.

Harry does not have anyone that would never be too far in a literal sense, and although at that time he was always with 1D they have spoken in interviews that year of that not being good.

[Pre-Chorus: Niall] Ah-ooh, we had some good times, didn't we? Ah-ooh, we had some good tricks up our sleeve Ah-ooh, goodbyes are bittersweet But it's not the end, I'll see your face again

Taylor has a similar lyric in The 1 “But we were something, don't you think so? / Roaring 20s, / tossing pennies in the pool / And if my wishes came true / It would've been you” this is about appreciating the relationship.

[Chorus: All] And you will find me Yeah, you will find me In places that we've never been For reasons we don't understand Walking in the wind Walking in the wind

Where their earlier work on Red and other 1D albums sung about always wanting to be together and coping in their career by Made in the AM and Reputation onwards they started singing about being connected but apart, on faith they’d come back together.

[Verse 2: Louis] Yesterday, I went out To celebrate the birthday of a friend But as we raised our glasses up to make a toast I realised you were missing

This may be referring to Lily Aldridge’s birthday where they both were. Harry’s 21st birthday was 2 weeks later but Lily and Taylor were in Nashville. In Hunger he sang about making her cry on his birthday, if it was for Debut the 1 year to 2 timeframe line up for that. (Hunger also sings of “your stuff” as in music, doesn’t taste the same, as in Two Ghosts)

Later on 27 February he posted the overgrown winding wheel and she started dating CH.

[Bridge: Harry] And I know we'll be alright, child Just close your eyes and see I'll be by your side Any time you're needing me Oh, yeah

The bridge is similar to Fine Line, which also ends on “we’ll be alright” in Fine line he’s reflecting on being friends with someone he’s in love with. Here he is asking his muse to have faith that although they are not together he’s there for her. Also Sign of the Times "Just stop your crying / It'll be alright"

I just wanna love you leak

In September 2023 a leaked song, I just wanna love you referenced WITW with “A week ago you said to me: "We've started running out of time" / Crying over memories that we lost and cannot be found / Why don't we stop talking now? / (I just wanna love you)” which to me, in the sound and this lyric is the sequel to WITW, he’s saying it’s time. It also refers to Late night talking, and The 1 and Question…? Where they explore friendship with someone they love, in WITW they seem to agree to leave a live unresolved, on Harry’s House and Midnights they are contemplating that unresolved love.

[sneakystorms]

HOW were the vampires sneaky i am so so glad my dearest mutuals are getting into it..

I'm so glad you asked!!! My feelings abt the show are generally positive but a bit up n down in terms of how invested i am in particular episodes or characters and I've been churning it over in my head for a while to figure out what exactly it is that does or doesn't compel me. I did read the first book a few years ago and watched the 90s movie as well so i have plenty of thoughts about how the series compares to the og story (haven't read the other books in the series tho)

I think making the queerness of so many characters overt and bringing it to the foreground so much does WONDERS for the show in terms of themes being commented on, and same goes for making louis and claudia black. Like the way it reframes vampirism as self empowerment and self acceptance, the impetus for lestat's targeting of louis being that he's a brilliant and deserving man forced to hide himself and cower before his white peers... It just makes everything click and make so much more sense than in the book where louis was just some random shmuck... The way becoming a vampire is a deal where you exchange power and self-acceptance for having to hide from the world, and joining a coven is a deal where you gain the love (well, "love") and support of people like you but you can't ever leave mmmm. The commentary 👌👌👌

Basically jenny nicholson once commented on how vampirism is kind of the ultimate selfishness/ultimate assertion of one's right to stay alive and thrive by whatever means necessary, even by hurting other people, and i just think that metaphor makes a LOT more sense with a queer black character than with a white vaguely homoerotic plantation owner. For louis as he is in the show it's so much more of a nuanced thing to become a vampire and i love it.

The cast have their ups and downs but overall i like them a lot! I loved louis's early era when he was trying to exist as both human and vampire, and i think my favourite moments of his are those paradigm shift scenes of high emotion that change the status quo - his confession and turning, his murder of that business partner, his finding claudia, the "you and me" moment if reconciliation.... AHHH THE YOU AND ME..... I think that's my take in general, that I'm into the really big emotional moments and i check out a bit during the "status quo" periods where characters are just going about their lives building tension towards the next breaking point. Whether happy, like the louis/claudia/lestat family life montage, or melancholy, like louis sulking after his fight with lestat, they sometimes fail to keep my attention fully.

Lestat I'm not as into... armand i quite like although i think i would've liked him to ham it up just a liiiiiittle bit more. claudia is really strong, i think her internal conflict is one of the best conveyed ones. I do think making her a teenager instead of however old she was in the book (was it 6? 7? 8?) is a bit of a cop out in terms of examining the tragedy of her vampirism. Like I fully get why they went with a character who can be believably played by an adult actress but it DOES greatly undercut the tension of the original concept. In the book it's kind of dubious whether she would have ever been able to find real, adult love with someone who didn't mind her appearance of a VERY YOUNG CHILD. It was even left kind of vague what her real mental state was - was it possible for her to truly have "the mind of an adult" without physical development? What does that even mean in this situation? The thought experiment of what it would be like to live for several decades in the body of a child was a very interesting part of Claudia's character to me and personally i would have liked that to be explored a bit more thoroughly. But like i said, I totally get that casting an older actress and adjusting the character's age accordingly let the showrunners do things with her writing that would have been off the table otherwise.

Also a major complaint from me would be that I'm just not that convinced by all the really important, really intense romantic relationships that the show kind of revolves around. Even at the peak happiness point of both relationships, i just never really felt like louis and lestat or Louis and armand liked to spend time with each other, especially to the point of considering each other immortal companions lol... But here's the thing, vampiric loneliness is such a huuuuuge factor in why these people cling to each other and we never really get to SEE what that loneliness is like. It only really clicked for me when lestat talked about it during the trial, and that's so late in the game! We never actually see lestat or louis or armand BE LONELY AND SAD, and i think if i saw that it would make me a lot more understanding of why these companionships form. To be fair though i often fail to understand why ppl in media are in love so i might be a bit biased lmao

[jlf23tumble]

Hiii hope you won’t mind this ask! I just found your blog and i’ve gone over it a bit and I saw you talking about h and l not being together and it made me curious about your larry thoughts!! You can answer in the tags if you don’t want to start discourse but I hope you do answer:((!

I don’t know if you think they’ve been together in the past/never together or just don’t care about it cause scrolling through Tumblr is a nightmare and I can’t see all your posts obviously ahaha but personally I thought they were together and I think they might have broken up in the last year or so. I got a strong sixth sense in general if you could call it that and lately I can sense something is different and I can see some people feel the same but don’t really discuss it openly so I wanted to hear your opinion.

The last thing that made me ‘sure’ they were still a thing while looking at the previous 12 years was harryween with hopelessly devoted to you and then Louis quoting it at his grease fav. After that I can’t really see something that makes me think “at that point they must have been together cause otherwise it wouldn’t make sense”. And paired it up with louis in particular being a bit strange in the last few months and with what you pointed out as well namely Harry doing everything he can to not be even thought to be on tour with L… As I said I don’t know when you started talking about a break up, but do you think that halloween’s occurance was still them being together or teasing each other from a distance or maybe just keeping larries at bay? And would you mind telling me then when you think their situation changed and what you think now? Sorry it’s so longggg and thank you if you take time to answer me <3

Helllllllo, I never mind any kind of ask! Granted, sometimes I might not answer but only because I'm overwhelmed, or it's the same ask in a row, or I'm not loving a sentence, or I just don't feel like it, or I think a bathroom shot is more appropriate, lmao, but this one? I got all the time in the world for you…so much so that I'll put it under the cut, since the ask is long enough itself, as shall the answer be!

Welcome to this mess, and wow, I'm so bowled over you even tried to scroll, I know trying to search tumblr.biz is a loser's lover's game, even for the loser lover who wrote it, so I won't even bother, but we can start fresh!

So my thoughts: Hell yeah, I think these two were together back in the day, probably almost immediately (see: the entire x-factor scandale with the blinds about all the fucking, the stairs interviews, ALL OF IT, screammmm). I don't know how long or even IF they were strictly monogamous, they were in a pressure cooker situation of near-constant contact with each other for five years, but I do think it eventually morphed into something open and/or then into a messy on again/off again situationship. That’s my current stance today, in fact—c'est messy!!!!

I’ll do the usual caveat that none of us actually KNOWS them, though, or what went down, we're only looking at what we see (and hear) and making a wild guess, and yet! Plenty of people see (and hear) the same thing and opt for a crazy reach with their whole chest, all to justify something happening between teenagers 13 years ago as if NOTHING would or could have changed since then. And some of those reaches make literally no sense, or they wash away anything that gets too close to that third rail of cognitive dissonance, the proverbial fingers in ears, lalalalala. I saw it recently on a post I made about clingy Harry with a stranger on the drunk WeHo trolley, with someone in the tags going, wait, I’ve never seen this! Of course you haven’t, that’s what an echo chamber does, bb!

Personally, I don't get that mindset—what’s so wrong about learning life is tough and things change for two literal strangers? Sure, we all love love and want the best for them, but shit happens in real life, too. Maybe it's easier to latch onto made-up receipts or straight up call a blue a green, but I think a big aspect of it is also the need to be right, to show you aren’t crazy, it’s real, and that gets frequently mixed in as being “supportive,” like you're some kind of homophobe if these two break up, as if two men fucking two other men somehow isn't worthy of your “support." But I’m here to say those two things actually can exist, something can be true in the past and not be true today, and it doesn’t negate the past bit, shocking, right?

Anyway, I digress. I feel like your sixth sense is on the money, and I'd love to hear more about it, either message me here or dm me about what tips you into that direction (hey!) because I feel like there is SO MUCH THAT DOES, yet few people really get into it. To me, it’s just a lot of content, so much content, the bare minimum being lyrics in multiple songs across a shit ton of albums, both solo and the very last 1D one. At this point, to me, Larry “proofs” sound insane (he wore green pants, they're MARRIED!!!!!), and part of me is like, kudos to you, Mr. Tomlinson, jesus loves you more than you will know, etc. Even that Harryween outfit of which you speak feels like a reach of a reach, a callback of a reach, mostly because it’s also not that deep, Grease isn't some tiny film nobody's seen, it's actually a remarkably easy group costume, AND it references things that could be nostalgic to two sets of people (larries and larry). I actually feel like these two at this point are either a) signaling to each other in some kinda way, like that monitor edgeplay shit they used to do (which works if you're together or apart, I might add), or b) cashing in some of that green blue green, if you feel me. And again, both of those could be true at once, they don't cancel each other out. I have two hands, I can hold a lotta thoughts!

It’s at this point where I start bangin’ the drum for garries because gaylors have it dead easy—you can be a gaylor and think that kaylor was a thing, but it doesn’t mean it’s STILL a thing to you, so whither garries!? I just don’t think a lot of today’s larries do themselves any favors by doubling down and driving out anyone who has questions. For the big ones, there’s no room for even whispering, hey, yeah, they were together, but they might have broken up, maybe??? It’s, like, NO!!! They’re mawwwwwwied, #husbands, they’ve only fucked one person, each other, let’s jump through a hoop that says Louis wearing green sweats is so LOUD (I’m not listening to lyrics, though, lalalalalala)!! It’s tragic and frankly dumb, but if you want to wallow in the persecution complex of it all, “everybody hates us ☹ (including Louis),” I guess the option is there, the whole us vs. them of it all that I’m just personally not into.

But I do feel like there’s some hope, it’s nice to see people coming around to the idea that, yeah, they WERE together and maybe they aren’t anymore, but it’s okay, it’s not the end of the world! It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, maybe they’ll reunite someday, or maybe it’s a goddamned hot mess, but you know what? Not my circus, not my monkeys! Granted, that part is harder for people who are mutuals with those who will not tolerate doubts even for a second—I just hope they venture off and find the other chill people, u know, the ones a lot of larries wish they saw on their dashes instead of hand-wringers, uh oh, oops, reaping = sowing.

I’m sorry, I’m ramblin’ here, let’s get back to your questions at the end of your ask! Do I think Harryween was them together or teasing each other or keeping larries at bay? Hmmmm, maybe a secret fourth thing: easy costume, easy global reference, and it’s not gonna keep larries at bay, lmao. Idk, man, for all we know (which, again, is literally nothing, nobody’s getting 24/7 content for 5 years straight anymore, such a bitter pill to swallow), maybe Grease is a fave movie of someone who’s in the new band, maybe Harry’s got a close personal friend who’s into it, too, maybe Louis's not the only guy in the world Harry’s dated who’s obsessed with Danny Zuko.

As for when do I think their situation changed, I think Eleanor was a big clue, breakup no. 1 was probably around their own breakup no. 1, she was an amazing proxy in so many ways, but I’m sure there were rifts and spats along the way (it even seeped into interviews that get written off as cute funsies or else are outright ignored because nobody watches beyond the gif format). I follow at least one person who talks about the '15 promo tour as giving very recent breakup energy, yet still has some fwb vibes, which means it's AWKWARD in spots, and I can see that. It would also explain why they were suddenly able to "sit together,” lol. Anyway, yes, that breakup (both times) was a big sign, I think no more peace ring was a HUGE sign, I think the writeups by Rob Sheffield (both of them, actually), especially the last paragraph of the Fine Line cover story was a NEON sign, and I think the last four albums by both of them spell it out, underline it, bold it, AND italicize it super clearly, but those are just the easy pickings (see also: Harry biking around daily to prove he’s not in Poland, Greece, etc., and the response is always, “We don’t know what day this was,” lmao).

What I think now is up above! I think it’s messy! Complicated! They aren’t #married! Now is that a forever thing? Who’s to say, and more importantly, who’s to really care on a “does this impacts my daily life in some kind of financial or spiritual way,” see further: circus, monkeys. I get that it’s easy to say, I interact with a lot of other people who don’t care and won't ostracize me for being a doubting Susan with my ~controversial thoughts and UOs. But there are those with faith in the future, so maybe it is as it was…hehe, oh me. I amuse myself, at least. Sorry this is an epic reply, and that it’s days late, I hope it gives you what you wanted to know! Anyone sending me garbage will get a bathroom response, peace and love.

[lewhis]

Now I Realize

pairing: louis x reader (she/her)

rating: M

warnings: self-esteem issues

summary: An invitation to a party in LA forces you to revisit a chapter of your life that you thought you'd left behind. You struggle to reconcile who you used to be with who you have become - and are they truly separate entities?

A story of what it is to be young and in love, followed by what it is to be a little older, a little wiser, and still maybe, hypothetically, still a little in love.

***

I hadn’t thought about him in years.

Okay, that wasn’t true. Of course, I thought about him. He was a central fixture of my life for a long-ass time. Not thinking about him would be like not thinking about your stint in high school, or your first apartment, or your first job. I didn’t think about him all the time, but he was bound to come up every now and again, tied to the tail-end of some other memory to which he was inextricably linked. He popped up from time to time, but I wasn’t actively digging him up. Not anymore.

There was a time when I thought about him every day. That’s almost a post-breakup requirement, isn’t it? The pining. The moping. The late-night subtweeting, hoping against hope he might see me on his feed and think, “You know what? I’m a moron. And an asshole. I miss her.” It was all pretty pathetic. Exactly the sort of shit he would have teased me for, had we still been friends. But we weren’t friends. Not anymore. And there was no one around to witness my shame except for me.

But, as I said, that was years ago. I shed my tears, felt my feelings, drank a lot of wine, and I got the fuck over it.

Left to my own devices, I would have continued not thinking about him for many months more to come, until finally his prominence in my memories would fade completely into the background, and I’d be truly free to live my new, Louis-free life – a life which I had just begun to truly accept.

But that didn’t happen. Because Niall Horan is a fucking liar.

September, 2020.

I’d been living in my hometown again since the breakup. Got myself a, eh, decent one-bedroom apartment just outside the city and managed to drum up a more or less steady income doing special effects work for a few local film companies. (All the money that I didn’t spend on a nicer apartment went toward the monthly rental of my studio space.) Most recently, I’d been in talks with some folks putting together the pilot episode of a horror series. They were looking to pitch it to Netflix as soon as possible, and the producers assured me my monster makeup would be the ticket to winning them over.

I wouldn’t lie: the money wasn’t, like, a lot, or anything – certainly nowhere close to what I’d been pulling in my former life – but it was livable. I was making it work. And besides, I was never cut out for all the high-stakes glamour and fame, not even as a tangential player. I didn’t have to worry about behind-the-scenes staff photogs snapping my picture while I was trying to work, and I didn’t have to live with the knowledge that millions of seething, rabid, hormonal fans would later dissect every single frame for signs that I was infringing on their imagined territory. Yikes. My 550 square-foot sweatbox of a studio on the least-scary scary side of town was way better, by comparison.

The me who went to all those places and did all those things was an entirely separate person. Aside from a few reoccurring stress dreams and a modest nest egg in my savings account, I hadn’t come away from that time with anything tangible, anything lasting.

Well, unless you counted Niall.

We didn’t talk all the time. Not even every day, or every week. But I could count on Niall for a meme in my inbox now and again. I’d get a “whats the craic” and a sunglasses emoji at least once a month, and we’d chat for a little while if we had the time. We bantered, mostly. Kept it light – and we never talked about love-lives, as a rule.

I was elbows-deep (literally) in a ten-hour sculpting session for the pilot project when my phone rang. The only calls I ever got in the middle of the day were spam, so I was primed to hit decline out of habit alone, at least until I saw NIALLER splashed across the screen above a backstage selfie of us from Way-Back-When. He’d lost some stupid bet to Liam that night and, as punishment, had to go on stage with his hair (temporarily) dyed bright orange. It looked horrifying. After I’d finished the dye job for him, he said we should get a picture together, “seein’ as we’re both in the ginger club now.” (That, a reference to the fact that, although I frequently liked to change up my hair, I was a decided redhead for most of that tour.)

This – the call itself – was a total breach in protocol; Niall never called. Firstly, because he was always travelling and could never be assed to keep the time differences straight, and he never wanted to wake me up in the middle of the night if it wasn’t an emergency. Second, Niall was more of a FaceTime kind of guy, just in general. He (and others) had tried many times in the past to cajole me into switching to an iPhone, but I was a lifelong Android girlie; it just wasn’t happening. So, we defaulted to texting.

With both of these factors in mind – thinking this was either an emergency call or a butt-dial – I scrambled to wipe a palm full of clay slurry on the front of my overalls. I still wound up with a quarter-sized smear on my phone screen. Oh, well. Wouldn’t be the first time. Quickly, I jabbed at the screen a second time and switched it to speaker mode.

“Niall? Hey, can you hear me?”

“Y/N!” was his response, sung in vibrato. It certainly didn’t sound like he was having an emergency, nor did he sound surprised to be hearing my voice. So, probably not a butt-dial.

“Niall!” I said again. “Um. Just-- Hang on a second—” Holding my hands up like I was scrubbing in for surgery, I maneuvered my way around to a basket full of scrub cloths in the corner.

“Why d’you sound like you’re in a metal bucket?”

“Because I basically am!” I called from across the room. “Sorry, I’m in the studio. Gimme a second to wash up.” My phone was a good six feet away, on a table amidst various sculpting tools. In between that table and the clean-up area were four tables the size of barstools, placed around the room in such a way that a me-sized person could still manage to maneuver around and between them. On each stool were four sculpts at various stages of completion.

(Would it have made more sense to work on one sculpt at a time before beginning a second, a third, or a fourth? Maybe. But this was my process.)

Any response that Niall might have made was lost to the sound of running water gurgling out of the wash sink. The solidified clay coating all sides of my hands soon liquified under the spray and then went spiraling down the drain. I dried my hands on another rag and made my way back to my phone.

“Almost there,” I said, a little strained as I picked around the various delicate obstacles. “It’s a maze in here right now. I’m doing, like, four monster suits for this guy’s Netflix pilot. The script isn’t great, but these masks are gonna be—Shit.” My breath caught in my throat. There was a brief moment of panic when I thought I elbowed a Mothman sculpt in the face, but I’d only managed to catch the cement shoulder of the cast underneath.

Niall let out a laugh, which crackled through the speakers of my weathered phone. “You good?”

“Yeah.” My hands hovered around Mothman’s head, ready to catch him if he toppled over. “Yes? Yes. Okay, yeah! He’s good. I might have overestimated the size of my space when I took this job.” Finally, I made it to the desk with clean hands and no toppled monster heads. I seized my phone, switched off of speaker phone, and brought it to my ear.

“Hi,” I said resolutely, then laughed. “Sorry. You caught me on, like…” –I glanced at the clock— “Hour ten and a half of my workday. Woof. I might be a little delirious.”

Niall, in his jolly way, responded with another laugh. “You’re crazy, woman. Sounds like you’ve earned a break, then, yeah? Got a second to chat?”

Now that my momentum had been disrupted, I could feel how well and truly drained I was. My back ached from stooping over the sculpts. My head was fuzzy as if I’d just sat for the SAT, and there was an ominous tingling sensation in my right wrist that said I’d probably overdone it on all the fine detail work. I made a mental note to sleep with my wrist brace on that night.

“Yeah, I think I’m done for the day.” I pulled a folding chair out from under the desk and slumped into it. “What’s up? Is everything okay? I was surprised to see your call.”

“It’s all good,” he assured me. “Just didn’t feel like bangin’ out a text. You’ll be gettin’ an invite in the mail, anyway, but I wanted to invite ya personally.”

“An invite for what?”

“I’m havin’ a party!” I could hear his smile over the phone. “For my birthday. Also, just ‘cause parties are awesome. You in?”

I hated myself at that moment because my mind only went to one place. I knew instantly that Niall had heard my hesitation, and he knew the cause.

“Louis won’t be there.” He said it casually. Not a bribe or a placation, just a fact. “Talked to him already. He’s got something goin’ in San Diego that same night.”

“Oh, I see. So, I’m getting the invite because he won’t be there. Wow, Niall. I thought I got you in the divorce.”

“Sorry, love. Gotta split custody.” He cracked a laugh. “And don’t gimme none of that. You would’a gotten an invite no matter what. Just, now you’ve got no excuse not to come!”

He had me there. Niall might not seem it, but he was always an organized guy. Good at planning things. As of that phone call, I’d have over a month to get my shit together and carve out a few days to fly cross-country for his party. Even with the upcoming pilot project, I knew I’d be able to swing it.

“Alright, fine,” I said, putting on airs like he was really twisting my arm. In reality, I was smiling. “Where’s the party at?”

“My place in LA. Got a load of people comin’. There’s gonna be food, music, a ton of drinkin’, all that shite. And I’ve got extra rooms, so you can stay with me!”

I could already feel a bit of that old excitement coming back. The kind of giddiness that my old self used to feel when there was some big red-carpet event on the horizon. Not that a birthday party at Niall’s (albeit enormous) house was anything overly glamorous, but it was the closest I’d been to that world since I was unceremoniously booted out. It’d be fun, I thought, to dip my toes back in for a few days.

We talked for another thirty minutes. Niall asked for some pics of the sculpting I’d done today. He name-dropped a few other people on the guest list (none of The Lads, he told me [and it was always said that way, with the implied proper nouns – The Lads] would be able to make the party.) I asked if he’d been working on any new music lately, and if he’d ever fixed the warped neck of his favorite acoustic guitar. Then, we fell into the usual banter and jokes until, finally, it was time to hang up.

“I’m really glad you’re gonna be there, Y/N.” It was said so sincerely, and I felt my chest tighten with affection for my friend. Never once – not before, not then, nor any moment since – did I think that Niall harbored anything but completely platonic affection for me, and that was perfectly alright; it was a mutual feeling.

“Me too, Niall. I’ll talk to you soon, yeah?”

“Cheers.”

As I pulled the phone away from my ear to end the call, that picture of Niall with his stupid orange hair and me, with orange dye staining the very same hand that was raised in a peace sign, flashed up on the screen again. It stayed for a moment before defaulting to my home screen. Without questioning myself, I pulled up Niall’s contact info, then tapped his profile photo. It expanded to full size, even larger than it had been on the call screen.

It had been a long time since I actually looked at that picture. We were younger, then – God, how had I not realized at the time how young I was? – and it was obvious that we were tired. That show would’ve been during the middle of the tour, when most of the shows felt like fever dreams interspersed between long stints on the tour buses or – if we were lucky – crammed into airplane seats. We were stressed – me, because I had to get back to makeup if there was any hope of their opener being on time; Niall, because, well, duh, it was his show, and he was scheduled for a phone interview right before they went on. Despite all that – and maybe because we were so young and so full of an energy that I could no longer hope to fathom – despite all the stress and the shit, we had fun during those days.

Somewhere between that selfie and that present moment in my sweaty little studio, I’d gotten older. Old enough to have sympathy for that girl in the picture who thought that just because all her friends were pop stars and she was just the help, she mattered less, somehow.

And we were friends, back then. All of us. Me and Liam would bond over video games. Harry would let me raid his closet or style his hair and we’d talk for ages, without self-consciousness. Zayn and I liked to hide out on the bus or in someone’s hotel room, and we’d spend a few hours in almost total silence except for the few words it took to ask the other person to pass the drawing pencils, or to look over a sketch. I didn’t actually see a lot of Niall, back then. Not one-on-one. His girlfriend (now his ex; and in many ways, she was my ex, too) was never happy unless one or both of us gave her our complete, undivided attention. Niall and I didn’t truly start to bond until After (again, always a proper noun), because it was only After that we realized we could bond over a truly shared experience.

Only one person left off that mental rollcall (well, two, really.) I felt myself wanting to slam the gate shut, as I had so many times before. No more memory lane today! Road’s closed! Because again, I didn’t think about him anymore, remember? But I looked back down at that very young, very happy, very weary girl in the photo, and I realized that, for her sake, I shouldn’t try to block those memories out. Because she was me. I was her. Try as I might to draw a line between the two, there was no “this life” and “old life.” There was no pretending that those hard, scary times had never happened. And there was no point, either, in acting like those hard, scary times hadn’t come with more than their fair share of happy times, too.

And not just happy: the happiest.

Is that why I felt that rock in my gut every time I started to think about Way-Back-When? Was I afraid, somewhere deep down inside, even though I was a grown woman now, far removed from that very young, very scared girl that I’d been then – was I afraid that the happiest days of my life had already come and gone?

Yes, I was. I knew that I was. I could feel that fear settling into my toes and oozing up my spine.

Because no matter how many happy memories I had in my head, no matter how many days I spent feeling so grateful that I’d found people who knew me and loved me and wanted me to stick around—where was I now?

We were friends, back then. All of us. But we weren’t anymore.

⬇️ read the rest on ao3! ⬇️

[pynkhues]

"#anyway congrats to louis for having a bendy husband with rhythm truly an anomaly given he is white haha"

LOL too true--and it makes me think, all the actors on this show (except maybe Eric, love him) are really different from their characters in fascinating ways (Jacob's sunshine vs. Louis' heaviness being a big example), but there is something particularly startling about Sam, who can seem like such a shy, nerdy, don't-perceive-me (when he's not being hilariously chatty on his pet subjects) person in real life, being able to turn on this kind of charisma and physical fluidity and theatricality and sexuality.

(x)

It's pretty amazing, isn't it? It's always so interesting to see this scope of actors because so many really do just play variations of themselves, whereas others really throw themselves deeply into just the otherness of someone else. I work two days a week at a theatre company, although I work in the office mostly in policy and document writing (particularly around performer and crew safety [both physical and psychological]), so I don't work with the actors in a creative way very much, usually it's in consultation around their safety needs, but I talk to some of them every time I'm in at the company and it's pretty interesting to see different processes and know them separate from roles they're taking both within our company and in others.

Your ask actually reminds me that I went to a panel with intimacy coordinators a while ago on performer safety in sex scenes and one of them talked about doing a high profile tv show with two veteran actors, and they felt they didn't really need an intimacy coordinator not only because they'd both been working for over 40 years, but because they'd slept with each other before and remained very good friends. The intimacy coordinator said that they met a few times, she backed off, and then they started a rehearsal and she said the characters disappeared and you could tell - it wasn't the characters having sex, it was the actors. Because they were so familiar with each other, they slipped into that familiarity and revealed this part of themselves that they didn't want to. She talked to them about it afterwards, and they both acknowledged that was probably true and were pretty mortified, because obviously it felt so revealing, so they then went through this process with the intimacy coordinator to untangle themselves from the characters for the purpose of the scene and to create a protective distance between themselves and the characters so it wouldn't feel like on viewing it was just them.

It's really stuck with me, because I just feel like it's such an interesting thing to think that actually for some actors that greater distance a character has from themselves might be safer in preserving yourself than a character really close to you, and yeah, idk how Sam feels about it obviously, but I could see that maybe playing a part in how much he's able to bring to Lestat.

[statementlou]

I'm so angry

https://twitter.com/luxurry369/status/1692616500937445494?t=CcqY4FZeImbum-MIriGIEg&s=19

ah yes the Shade band situation. Well. Here's the thing. Yes this is annoying and shitty and I like this post pointing out that even aside from the things he said about Louis he's just being a fucking dickhead, fuck this guy. But like the thing is, all this kind of thing is doing is picking out the guys who are too stupid to keep their mouths shut and acting like they're the problem and everyone else is great; the fact is that that scene is shitty, has a culture of needing to knock down people like Louis to feel cool, and is misogynist as hell and it's NOT JUST THE ONES WHO GET CALLED OUT. Louis is bringing this world into our world and us into that world, and while I love the music and ultimately I think THAT world will benefit from it, I dislike seeing a bunch of young women who follow an artist who they CAN trust and feel safe with potentially thinking that all the other dudes are like that too unless there's a specific call out. Because as a now older person who spent my entire youth hanging around (mostly straight) guys in bands were trying to leverage their status as someone who managed to figure out how to play an instrument and trying to be cool (I mean they were trying to be cool, but yeah them and me both for sure), most of them are VERY MUCH NOT LOUIS and I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them- not this band, but not the guys in his other openers either you know? Like the idea that being good at music means someone is interesting in any way other than being good at music, which is actually a fairly neutral personality trait, is really common but uh just not true, cultural glamor aside. What I find interesting tbh is how even the people who still very much think this about Louis, and yeah who probably talk lots of shit, are coming crawling around for crumbs now- it wasn't like that a couple years ago but they're starting to realize it's not really in their interest to say those things publicly or defend them and I love to see it. The tide has turned and as usual when he's in charge of making things happen, it's turned in Louis' favor; smart people will hitch their wagon to his and shut the fuck up, and the rest? Byeeeee