#thinking about that btk bruce

[angstandhappiness]

Nice

[martyrbat]

[ID: Bruce Wayne having a sword pointed to his neck. He looks ahead impassively as his attacker taunts him, “If I pushed this through your neck, it would mean nothing. Truly nothing. You are dirt, a mote.” A black t-shirt with white text on the front has been hastily edited to be on Bruce. The shirt reads: “I'm very vulnerable rn if any bad bitches want to take advantage of me”. END ID]

[theglidingbat]

Ghostbat headcanons because I'm in no-minhkhoa content hell

Bruce loves giving minhkhoa forehead kisses and nose kisses, during tender moments or when he's feeling sentimental, minhkhoa always grumbles about it but it's one of the little things he enjoys

Adding onto the previous one, minhkhoa rarely kisses bruce tenderly his kiss more fierce and filled with passion and hidden emotions he refuses to reveal.

Minhkhoa will make fun of Bruce's clothes and fashion choices but yet can be seen with wearing his turtleneck, bruce will narrow his eyes as Minhkhoa pretends to be ignorant, he never returns the clothes by the way.

But if bruce ever decided to take minhkhoa's clothes he has to hear multiple snarky remarks, only to be tackled when he tries to take of Minhkhoa's green hoodie , ghostmaker would rather die then admit he likes his boyfriend in his clothes.

So they definitely got married at some point right?

I feel like bruce knows how to cook but pretends to be shitty at it around minhkhoa just so he gets to see minhkhoa cook, minhkhoa knows this and indulges him anyway

Listen, I think the "minhkhoa can't feel love" thing is bullshit because he does care a lot, even if he's terrible at it, he's not even trying per se but bruce is one of the very few people he actually cares for, Bruce thinks that's how minhkhoa just is, he doesn't realise he has special treatment expect the name thing.

But a fun alternative is that he knows that he gets special treatment from minhkhoa and loves it, and gets extremely possessive and bratty about it too.

I know it's retconned or whatever but Rhea being minhkhoa's first love and after everything minhkhoa still likes to distance himself, bruce who's probably witnessed atleast half of their relationship will always feel like and know that he won't ever have the same place in minhkhoa's stone cold heart like Rhea did and it kind of hurts him

Minhkhoa doesn't even deny it, why bother lying to a man as smart as Bruce? Bruce should be able to handle the truth, he still cares for Bruce but he's sure (scared) of the fact that bruce would die or disappear, or worse forget him because of his own stupidity (empathy)

Okay enough angsty from me I swore I would be an account without much angsty shit but here we are.

Minhkhoa loves grilled cheese. It's a headcanon me and my irl friend thought of as an old inside joke but yeah that's the only American food this mother fucker tolerates, with tomato soup and everything. Specifically if Bruce makes it with the crust cut.

The grilled cheese is more of a crack headcanon but eh.

Someone make a fic of Minhkhoa teaching Bruce's white ass how to make rotis (I've been leaning into minhkhoa being half Tamil or of Tamil origins loads lately and it's my favourite fanon hc of him)

Bruce can't get it in a perfect Circle and it pisses him off, minhkhoa laughs at his face.

One very silly thing I love to think is that during a chase scene in their past minhkhoa would pick bruce up and make a run for it and sticks through their adulthood, an explosion is about to go off and before bruce can do anything minhkhoa has him in a carry as he runs away with him.

Them Falling back into old habits, bruce latching onto minhkhoa and pulling his hair during a immature argument, minhkhoa screaming and trying to shake him off as Talia tiredly sips her tea, they're all 40 and the batkids finally see where exactly Damian gets it from.

My personal headcanon is that during btk era bruce had freckles, minhkhoa won't admit it but he misses them,as Bruce grew his freckles faded.

And that's it for my latest Ghostbat headcanons, do note that these are extremely self indulgent and may be occ but eh who gives a fuck

[sing-me-under]

I know this is probably OOC but I was thinking about BTK and how absolutely funny it would be if Bruce was like a sharpshooter prodigy.

Like, imagine Bruce all of 13 years old and obsessing over every single aspect and factor of his parents’ death, and that includes a very specific moment where that obsession pinpointed on disabling the killer before pulling the trigger turned into disassembling the handgun, and that obsession branched out to learning the ins and outs of all firearms so that he knows everything there is to know in defending against any sort projectile, as you do…

And being the epitome of unhealthy coping mechanisms, he puts himself through “exposure therapy” by going to a shooting range with Alfred’s oversight… after a few failed attempts and too many panic attacks, he finally succeeds in dissociating enough to walk in, go through the motions, and actually level the gun… and his aim is effectively perfect.

And then he refuses to pick up a gun ever again and his obsession switches to other things so it doesn’t really matter. Of course, he does his overseas training a la BTK and learns how to properly wield firearms from a teacher and he’s just amazing, but he cannot point a gun at a real living person without shutting down, never mind actually pulling the trigger.

And this never comes up ever again for the entirety of his time as Batman.

Sometimes, when a fight is really restrictive, Batman will grab the only available projectile weapon and perfectly shoot through an nigh invisible wire holding up a catwalk or something before taking apart the gun, and not a single person would question it.

[dracaelus]

Not a day goes by without me wondering if bruce and khoa were taking their vaccines during the BTK era. Did they even bother to think about this? Or bruce had to come back to alfred and khoa had to create icon before someone forced these boys to get 5 years worth of vaccines at once

[allgremlinart]

this post by @emo-batboy made me think of what if bruce and khoa met at the met gala or paris fashion week or smth, or what if they were both models for tiger beat when they were teens

omg... as someone who knows basically nothing about fashion I have a concerning amount of mental investment in in models!ghostbat au... hng... they are both such absolute bitches that it would work..

like. BTK era ghostbat going undercover as models or it being part of their training somehow, accidentally or not >>>

such a formative experience that they now have very strong and usually very different opinions on what is fashionable... they turn this into a competition as well because of course they do..

[cairoscene]

my favorite thing about btk ghostbat is that both bruce and khoa think they are soooo cool they so have things worked out they are the best in the game, when in reality, they are children. love them trying to exude self-assuredness while being lost and awkward and unsure.

[ciboriaadastra]

While I was looking through BTK again for screenshots, I noticed something. Every time Luka thinks about harming someone or the harm he's done, his eyes turn red. He has blue eyes, but they turn red.

First encounter:

Talking about the mission where he murdered the wife and child of the cartel leader he was contracted to assassinate + agreeing to teach Minhkhoa (Anton) specifically.

And when he's aiming to murder Minhkhoa, his eyes are red. When he looks at Bruce, they're back to blue.

Just thought that was interesting.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

tell all of your friends that i’m crazy and drive you mad

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/NLi7nxW

by nygmamale

“Why is he in Gotham, Bruce?” Barbara asked.

Bruce sighed deeply, finally pulling his gaze away from the screen, and Barbara and Dick both settled down for a story.

•

bruce tells barbara and dick about his past with ghost-maker, and barbara makes some connections.

Words: 1280, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: DCU, DCU (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Bruce Wayne, Minhkhoa Khan, Barbara Gordon, Dick Grayson

Relationships: Minhkhoa Khan/Bruce Wayne

Additional Tags: pre fear state but post joker war, before bruce meets khoa in gotham, but also btk canon, references to batman the knight issues 10 and 8? i think, could be interpreted as platonic but where’s the fun in that, Flashback, Light Angst, Unresolved Romantic Tension, barbara third wheel, title: maniac by conan gray, jealous minhkhoa khan, If You Squint - Freeform, i put that detail about talia for a reason ;)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/NLi7nxW

[ciboriaadastra]

@mooitstimdrake I didn't! I posted it under the previous poll, so I was trying to post new panels and pages for anyone who checks the notes :o but I can post them again! You can never get enough of BTK-era GhostBat

Batman: The Knight (2022) #5

"You're amazing, Bruce. I thought I was alone in the world...but you..."

One of my favorite scenes in BTK is this scene; because throughout the series from Minhkhoa's introduction to the very last scenes in the final issue, the text overemphasizes that this is a friendship, what Bruce and Minhkhoa have is a deep friendship unrivaled by any other...but the fifth issue is all about Bruce learning espionage and the power of seduction, and he fails consistently to develop this skill in every scenario he's put into EXCEPT this moment. There is one person he successfully seduces, and that person is Minhkhoa Khan.

Bruce plays to Minhkhoa's boasting and leans into his own sad, mopey twink energies. His autistic swagger and disposition of a damp mop are captivating. There's no way Bruce can compete in this playful rivalry they have at this point...Minhkhoa already had skill in this area, while Bruce is undersocialized and is trying to build from scratch and failed. Minhkhoa is drawn in to comfort him, because he thinks of Bruce as his equal, the only person whom he believes can be his equal; if he lets Bruce take this failure too much to heart, he'd lose the one person who understands him. Their relationship would end, everything they had would end. Minhkhoa would have to accept being alone again so soon after realizing there's a chance he doesn't have to live like that.

The almost kiss is so perfect. Minhkhoa has his arm around Bruce. Their faces inches apart, gazing into the other's eyes, light perfectly framing their eyes in a way that's unnatural for the environment (sunset on a bridge in Moscow) but more than appropriate for a romance trope, the tinge of blush in Bruce's face and ears. Avery interrupts, and they break apart with knowing smiles. Bruce's wink when he says "Of course not." We weren't doing anything, Ms. Oblonsky. "Just debriefing."

Yeah, sure. Debriefing definitely involves hugging and prolonged eye contact.

Bruce worked some magic on him. Instead of taking and owning the win like he had been minutes before, Minhkhoa's giving credit to Bruce. "Technically I win" there's nothing to qualify here...the task was Get The Book. You successfully obtained it. Bruce didn't because he accidentally hit on a married woman and overcorrected his course so hard he's the reason the mission took a nosedive and you had trouble getting out of the embassy in the first place.

"So you have learned something from me after all."

So you have learned how to seduce people.

Given the place Minhkhoa reaches for when he tries to pull out the book, Bruce had managed to snake his hand there without detection. He had a reason to pass his hand over Minhkhoa's chest...like you would if you're about to kiss somebody.

There's so much going on in this scene overtly and in subtext, and remembering it always makes me a little crazy. It's a shame BTK came out so much later than Fear State, because I would have loved to see this scene get referenced in Fear State, when Minhkhoa is rooting around for the memories of Bruce's romantic and sexual trysts. I also kind of just want Jorge Jiménez to redraw the almost kiss because I know he'd make it even more gay than it already was.

Batman (2016) #113

Also while I've put this page here, I would like to point out this line

"You need to be more gentle."

I can't articulate why this makes me go crazy as my brainpower significantly decreases past 3 am but...augh.

Minhkhoa just wants to see who you been with since the divorce, Bruce. Who you tried to fill the gaping hole with. The people you got close enough to almost marry. How have you been coping without him. He's unnecessarily competitive like that, always been and always will be.

"You're really not embracing the spirit of this, Batman."

Yeah actually, literally letting another man into the deep recesses of your mind is a deep level of intimacy. Not saying it's just like gay sex but Minhkhoa seems to think "the spirit of this" is just like sex and that's pretty gay. And of course he's in for the fun of it while Bruce is...addressing a need...so to speak.

[martyrbat]

[ID: two photos emphasizing on Bruce Wayne's muscular backside. In the first photo, he's wearing brown trousers while removing his yellow turtleneck by grabbing it from the lower hem. In the second photo, he stands shirtless and in just his white trunks – which reveals the two thin, white straps over the undergarment. The straps go underneath his ass to lift (and support) his buttocks. In both photos, above his waistband, he has two discernible back dimples. The photos next to the panels are two examples of real life dermal piercings on the lower back dimples. END ID]

[theglidingbat]

No because Battison with ghostmaker is a fucking hilraious concept and should be explored further... escpically if battison was in BtK

Bruce just awkwardly listing to Anton as he goes on about they're similar goals and just nodding along silently, he still talks in whispers so I imagine him slowly roasting anton back

Minhkhoa would aboulstetly fucking wreck that twink mercilessly, he can't even bring himself to kill that pathetic cat:

Minhkhoa breaking into Wayne manor sees bruce trained by the world's best of the best wearing sunglasses inside his very dark and gothic manor munching on blue berries, bruce just looks up at him and offers him some as well,Khoa reluctantly takes some and seats himself beside Bruce glaring at him

I truly think It would be a one sided rivalry where khoa is a complete tusndere and Bruce is just not responding to said tusndere bullshit [mostly cause he's oblivious but also he's a little shit] either that or he takes khoa WAYYY to seriously and khoa has to awkwardly pat his head in comfort while grimacing

They're dynamic is basically:

Ghostmaker: I have very high standards for who I choose as my mate, plus I don't have time for such stupid and unnecessary things anyways-

Battison: *dripping from head to toe eating cheese while wearing sunglasses*

Ghostmaker: I want him. He's mine now.

Bruce could still very much kick his ass he just refuses to hurt khoa,it pisses khoa off but also when Bruce gets pissed and finally decides to fight him the motherfucker gets more dramatic about how bruce doesn't treat him as his equal and bruce instantly panics trying to comfort khoa while khoa refuses said comfort

Back to the tusndere dynamic cause I find it hilraious:

Imagine batman standing on a rooftop with ghostmaker glaring down at him, he notices that batman managed to get shot again and "reluctantly" helps him stich up the wound

"this doesn't mean anything!"

"ok"

"I hate you"

"oh...."

"don't look at me like that-"

"sorry"

"STOP SAYING SORRY GOD FUCKIN DAMMIT"

"......"

"......"

"sorry-"

"OH MY-"

Khoa ended up letting Bruce stay over for the night

He would also either get along with Selina or fucking hate her for flirting with Bruce.

I also imagine him trying to get battison to join him while Battison hides behind alferd who looks unamused

Battison is also very sassy and has no filter sometimes which I think is what led him and khoa to become friends in this universe, they will aboulstetly keep roasting eachother and makeout no matter the universe really

Minhkhoa aboulstetly loves teasing bruce and make him all embarassed and flustered, but when Bruce finally decides to flirt back for once the man's brain short circuits and he goes on a rant about how he's the great ghostmaker he's not fucking pretty-

Oh and battison definitely steals khoa Cape as revenge(yk cause khoa keeps stealing his batsuit and cape) and just wears it around the house to piss khoa off

They're both weird little freaks this is officially my favourite dynamic of them

[sing-me-under]

Why are there like no fics about Bruce leaving Gotham??? Why does no one ever talk about that part of his origin story? Why is it literally only “parents died when he was 8, he left Gotham to train to be Batman, he returned to Gotham and became Batman”? That’s like 10 years, give or take, of adolescent development? Are you telling me this man who dresses like a bat to fight crime spent 10 years being a relatively normal angsty very rich teenager?

You cannot convince me that he hadn’t attempted some form of vigilantism that was at least moderately successful enough to convince him that prepubescent crime fighting partners are not a horrible idea. There’s no way he would’ve thought “fighting crime will be good for Dick” if he didn’t think it was good for himself. The only difference was in their training at that age.

Why is there only Batman The Knight???? A man has been around for a hundred years and only one story goes into his years before Batman?? I like BTK well enough, but it can’t possibly be the only pre-origin interpretation because I’m personally not very fond of the whole underground fighting ring bit, and I somewhat would have preferred a different take on his time with the LoA. But that’s what fanfiction is for, and I can’t find any???

I want to read about an angsty but determined 16-17 year old Bruce Wayne running away from Gotham and Alfred’s detached leniency (you’re just a butler!) in some strange parallel to Dick Grayson running away from Gotham and Bruce’s controlling tendencies and the awkwardness between traumatized ward and trying-so-hard-to-be-supportive-but-inevitably-failing guardian.

I want to read about Bruce’s developing moral code as a teenager and if maybe, just maybe he may have killed someone or been an accomplice in a murder that has him so utterly convinced that he would definitely go evil if he killed the Joker. I like the idea that Batman did kill people before Robin (I’ve read this take in the backstory of a few fics but nothing that really goes into it beyond a few sentences). I like the idea of Bruce maybe witnessing a few too many times how killing has more consequences than it’s worth, including but not limited to the corruption of one’s soul because (if I’ve said it before, I’ve said it too many times) killing people is not good for you. It is in fact a slippery slope, and very few people have the drive and willpower to handle it and Bruce is not one of those people if the tendency towards evil Batmen is anything to go by.

I also want to read about Bruce Wayne just being an angsty teen that naturally evolves into Playboy Extraordinaire Brucie Wayne. He should do drugs under the bleachers, be a general high-society nuisance, and hang around sketchy areas no-parental-guidance-stalker-era Tim style.

[ciboriaadastra]

I would add that a lot of these important scenes between Bruce and Minhkhoa are written with Bruce's perspective in mind, not Minhkhoa's. The Argentina fight is in the Batman (2016) run. The origin of their relationship is told in a series called Batman: The Knight. Bruce is the main protagonist and so the narration is Bruce's internal monologue, the scenes are framed from Bruce's perspective. The "Ghost Stories" are Bruce's recollection of events. The point being that we're looking at Minhkhoa through the lens of a wealthy, white American man and the unexamined biases that someone of his status and level of privilege has.

People think Minhkhoa lashing out is a sign that Bruce is right about him...because they already think Bruce is right in this argument in the first place. He's the hero of the story, his story, so he must be right.

If you're like me and reading Bruce saying "You're sick. There's a part of you that's broken, and you're angry it's not broken in me." in context felt like a punch in the face, then Minhkhoa is more than justified for that punch. Maybe throw in a hit to the gut and kick him down. Just as a treat. As much as I love Bruce as a character, this was a horrible thing to read coming out of his mouth.

Because it is a pretty fucked up thing to say to somebody. That you think a core part of their personality, something that they struggle with and was formed by trauma, is "broken". You wanted to "fix" them, erase them and mold them into the kind of person you think is desirable. You realized it doesn't work that way, and so that must mean it's their fault for being "broken". That this piece of them is something you despise so much that you would throw away the relationship and declare you never want to see them again, because you cannot love them as they are.

Bruce insists upon conformity. He has these ideas of how people should act and behave, and he holds fast to them regardless of circumstance or other factors that should be considered. To quote Minhkhoa from BTK #6: "You care more about your stupid rules than the consequences of them!" Which is something Minhkhoa says because Bruce attacks him for "making" him shoot Luka, who was notably going to kill Minhkhoa for having a personality disorder.

Bruce says "I have no interest in not caring about people" yet demonstrates that if someone does not make themselves more palatable to him, does not choose to continue pretending to be someone they're not, then he will stop caring about them. Or at least stop caring enough that he hurts them and chooses to not have a relationship with them anymore.

There's deep ignorance and hypocrisy in Bruce's behavior, and that's something to be angry about. Minhkhoa has the right to be angry about that, just on principle.

Shifting gears here, though, I will say I disagree that Minhkhoa wouldn't have any feelings of unworthiness or low self-esteem surrounding his personality disorder and being a target of ableism/sanism. That's a limitation placed on his character due to his creator's and writers' prejudices. The writers hold those prejudices, so they cannot effectively criticize them in their work. By all intents and purposes, the text holds that Minhkhoa does not feel any emotions at all...which is just fundamentally false. I wouldn't declare definitively that Minhkhoa doesn't feel a certain emotion just because the text does not show it, when the writers don't want to portray Minhkhoa as a person who feels and implications that he does in the text are largely unintentional.

I also disagree with the implication that if Minhkhoa did feel a burst of self-loathing, that it would then mean Bruce is right in his accusations or assertions on Minhkhoa's character. Bruce is objectively wrong. He is wrong regardless of how Minhkhoa reacts to him. That is the reason why it is incorrect to claim Minhkhoa is admitting Bruce is right; there's nothing to admit. The reason is not that he can't feel the emotion, because that is also wrong.

And by definition, a disorder must cause significant distress to the client. Now, whether he is able to identify that distress, willing to dwell on or voice it, or desiring to confront it...is different. Minhkhoa has learned how to mask his traits while simultaneously viewing them as strengths. That is cognitive dissonance, and dissonance causes distress. Masking is exhausting and repressing who you are is distressing. And having your life constantly devalued and threatened is distressing. (And being dehumanized and depersonalized constantly would naturally lend to self-loathing, even if you fail to recognize it as such. Speaking from experience, mainly.)

I don't think in the Argentina fight that Minhkhoa hated himself in that moment (he wouldn't have time to process what's happening enough for that to even start), nor would he have thought Bruce was right. I do think he genuinely cared (despite his insistence that he doesn't care about anything) what Bruce thought about him and it simply hurts to be mistreated, especially when it's someone you thought was the One who was different from everybody else and wouldn't treat you that way. I'd say just as a person who does have personality disorders...the "obsession" is more like a lifeline. This is the Only Person you have who understands you; and when they are gone, you have no one. Other people have friends and family to fall back on. Other people have support systems, sometimes entire support networks. And you have just the One Person you can confide in, appreciate their company, receive affection from, and know that you're not alone. Humans are social creatures, we need socialization (even if we hate it), and we need others with us.

This phenomenon of the One Person is specifically seen in personality disorders—mainly with cluster B and C from what I've seen—and it goes by different names (i.e. AsPD ‐ Exception, BPD - Favorite Person, AvPD - Safe Person). These are community terms, not clinical ones, and each term's meaning is specific to the context of the disorder. [Disclaimer: more than one person can potentially fill these roles...it's just uncommon and not everyone with a personality disorder even has one in the first place.]

Being separated from, alienated by, and/or becoming disillusioned with that One Person is like cutting a lifeline. Getting real personal here but...being separated from mine sent me into a month-long depressive episode fraught with hallucinations, delusions, and anxiety attacks. And they hadn't done or said anything malicious to me before departing...I just didn't have any choice or say in the matter and then they were gone and there was an understanding that even if I could technically reach out to then, that it would be best not to do so regularly, let alone to what we had before. That was enough for everything to come crashing down. I didn't think I did anything wrong, because if I did, I would have been confronted about it. I didn't handle separation well regardless; it's rooted in trauma. It is much, much worse to be explicitly rejected and hurt and even more so when you are trying to hold onto them and there's nothing you can feasibly do to convince them not to leave you.

I don't think that the separation after Argentina, when Minhkhoa has no control over it, would have bode well for him in terms of mental health. Already in denying Bruce the privilege to say his true name and see his face, he's not just demonstrating a loss of trust but a choice to depersonalize himself. I think he could have a period of low self-esteem following that incident...being able to rationalize feelings away, avoid confronting them, compartmentalize, etc. doesn't mean you don't ever feel things (something always slips through). Nor does struggling to identify and recognize your own feelings mean that you aren't feeling them.

Granted, people are different and react to things differently. The point I'm trying to make is that I approach Minhkhoa's characterization in the comics from the point of view that Tynion, Zdarsky, and the other writers that have worked on him lack a fundamental understanding of personality disorders and what it's like to live with them; that the portrayal and framing of antisocial personality disorder in these comics is harmful at its best; and Minhkhoa has the potential to be a more complex character than the text allows him to be.

A lot of people seem to mistake Khoa’s anger at being called broken by Bruce as some sort of personal admission that there is something “wrong” with him but I, personally, view it more as Khoa feeling an inherent sense of betrayal at the fact that the one person he thought understood him suddenly shifted his perspective on him.

He’s fully aware that he’s set apart from his peers & seemed to be content with that until he met Bruce— Bruce, who seemed to be a kindred spirit even when he and Khoa fought, who had consistently targeted Khoa’s actions instead of the thought processes behind them even when they did fight, who never once insinuated he needed to be fixed until that moment.

The moment of them on a bridge in Moscow in B:TK #5 is a testament to the level he places Bruce at in itself; by acknowledging that Bruce changed his mind about being alone, he’s accepting Bruce as an equal. Even after they fought and parted ways for the last time after Lazarus, the fact that Khoa kept Bruce alive solely for fighting still implies he views him on equal footing as him/“worthy” enough to spar with.

The scene in Argentina irrevocably shifts the narrative of them being equals when Khoa realizes that it’s Bruce who doesn’t seem them as equals anymore. Bruce seems to be the one thing he can never leave behind to the point where he suggests they work together even after all of the arguments they’ve shared over the years. He implies Khoa’s inability to care about people in a way that’s expected of him is wrong, and even goes so far as to assume what Khoa’s feeling.

It’s not the lack of initiative on Bruce’s part that sets Khoa off, nor is it the fact that he declined Khoa’s invitation in the first place— it’s the fact that Bruce implies there’s something fundamentally wrong with him which, as a result, means Bruce never wants to see him again. Khoa’s angry because he’s always seemed to have the upper hand in their relationship, but he never expected this. It’s always been Khoa leaving Bruce in some capacity, whether it’s him leaving after their first fight in the wilderness or him leaving after saving Bruce at Lazarus. He’s always left on his own terms. Bruce is the one person in the world who made Khoa feel like he was understood in some capacity and despite burning the bridges between them on numerous occasions, he never seemed to plan for the fact that Bruce would get to it first.

There’s a significant level of vulnerability in Khoa’s actions in the context of the Argentina argument and the larger scope of his appearances.

Khoa specifically emphasizes the fact that Bruce doesn’t get to utter his name or see his face again because the fact that he’d done both in the first place was a sign of trust, and that trust was lost the moment Bruce spoke Those™ words.

To me, his reaction in this moment isn’t an admission of self-loathing or hatred towards himself at the fact that he’s incapable of experiencing certain things, and I honestly don’t think Khoa has ever experienced intense feelings of unworthiness/low self-esteem surrounding the negative views on his personality disorder. His relationship with Bruce borders on obsession at some points, and the disillusionment caused by the realization that their dynamic has shifted significantly without him being able to control it is what angers him.

Khoa has been shown to have moments of possible guilt/regret at his actions such as the fact that he couldn’t save Phantom-One, but that could be chalked up to him being disappointed at failing as a crime-fighter. He never once puts the blame on himself for anything, so I don’t view his hurt in this scenario being formed out of a place of self-doubt or self-hatred.

[mammutblog]

[cairoscene]

✿ did anything major change when you started writing [fic] to when you finished? - for lover be good to me, which fried my brain like an egg

hehe ty!!! it also fried mine. and yes, a lot changed. initially it was just going to be a SHORT 4k at the most pwp about young bruce and old khoa, courtesy of @mammutblog and i having a meltdown about ghostbat. and then i figured, well i at least need to try to explain the time travel aspects, which admittedly i half-assed. then i decided i wanted both of their POVs, which added some more words. and THEN i let go of self control and it ended up being sort of all of my ghostbat feelings poured into one fic.

i definitely was not planning to have the flashback interlude in the middle with young bruce and young khoa in russia. but as i grew closer to writing the sex scene, i began thinking about each character's relationship to sex up to that point, and i wanted to explore that a little more. i very nearly made that flashback occur in the realm of btk #6, in canada, prior to the falling-out, but i ended up going with the period after btk #5, post the almost-kiss scene but prior to their moving on to canada. i think during this time both khoa and bruce would have been in the danger zone of realizing what they mean to each other and also what their feelings about each other mean for their ambitions.

also, one of the main reasons i adore btk so much is portrayal of young bruce as someone who is both extraordinarily driven and also rather naive. he fails a lot, he compares himself to khoa constantly, and he doubts his abilities. i wanted to spend more time with that bruce and explore how his desire to keep up with khoa when they were young mirrored current-timeline khoa's desire to stay in bruce's life in the present

ask meme