#and i feel like people are focusing too much on what the ableist writing is saying about AsPD and giving nothing to the reality of it

[redjaybathood]

It's funny, as I'm reading the Robin Lives #1 again, how much disgust all the pages, all the replics and remarks, by Bruce, Dr Sara, another doctor, Alfred, or even Dick, can incurre in me - where it's pretty obvious the intent was the opposite.

And sure, I am biased, I admit it. But also... It doesn't mean I'm wrong.

I do think it's a failure on DeMatteis' part, how ableist the dialogue between Dr Benjamin Stoner and Batman. Okay, maybe it's just me - but the guy says that he took the job at Arkham Asylum to prove that no one, no matter how monstrous they appear, is beyond redemption. It sounds very noble, right? But it's actually full of shit. They're not redeeming them in Arkham. At best they provide somewhat lacking psychiatric care. Redemption is so outside of the realm of what institution like Arkham can possibly do, it's outright offensive to imply that their mental illness is what they need to be redeemed for - and not their crimes.

Mental illness is not a sin. Repeat it after me, DeMatties!

Anyway, the doctor thinking in this way rather shows him being self-centered ln his idea of compassion to those he thinks are monstrous, rather any actual ability to help them. It's no wonder he fails.

Anyway. I also despise the choice of outsider POV mixed with their insights into Batman's POV. It's like the author has never really been interested in Jason's psyche, or knew that it wouldn't work, what he was planning to write, if he took a closer look there.

He talks a lot about compassion even for monstrous, but I see no sincere compassion for Jason. Even Batman holding Jason's body - it's framed, again, with Batman's emotions, and it's guilt he feels. Self-flagellation for sure helps, yeah (no).

Overall, I can only say that, having a mental illness, and having family members with mental illness, especially such stigmatized one as schizophrenia - I don't like this writing at all.

Most people don't become violent criminals because they are traumatized, or have an inherited biological predisposition to madness that makes you want to cause other people suffering. I dunno what Sara is about. I do think it should be mandatory for writers to read at least some books on the subject they explore, if not, I dunno, do some research on their own.

Issue 2 starts with Stoner once again getting very emotional about little trapped man inside the Joker - whereas I think he just likes that idea based on principle, because he really would rather fail in his fantasy world than live in a bleak reality where men like Joker do what they do because it gives them satisfaction, and not because there's something more wrong with their brain than me or you - and Sara narrating on oh how difficult it is for Batman, be almost shattered by Jason's nervous breakdown.

We don't really see any evidence of that, of course, just her words. Which, knowing now what we know about their relationship, makes her biased too. It does make sense for her to be so focused on Bruce than Jason. It does make sense for the story to be focused on Bruce. Because it's not a story about Jason. And that's what disgust me. Not that it's not a Jason story and I am his fan - UtRH isn't a particularly Jason story; or The Hills; or - basically anything he's been in than RHatO and Task Force Z; I'm alright with it - but that it goes on and on about compassion and how these poor mentality ill souls need compassion and help. But Jason - who's going to become Jason by the end of issue 4 - is practically absent.

Like, if you don't give a shit, don't write about the issue. Because so far this story is all "how can we make Bruce seem good and the morals to reflect positive values for our society?". It is, if you allow me, hypocritical.

[ciboriaadastra]

I would add that a lot of these important scenes between Bruce and Minhkhoa are written with Bruce's perspective in mind, not Minhkhoa's. The Argentina fight is in the Batman (2016) run. The origin of their relationship is told in a series called Batman: The Knight. Bruce is the main protagonist and so the narration is Bruce's internal monologue, the scenes are framed from Bruce's perspective. The "Ghost Stories" are Bruce's recollection of events. The point being that we're looking at Minhkhoa through the lens of a wealthy, white American man and the unexamined biases that someone of his status and level of privilege has.

People think Minhkhoa lashing out is a sign that Bruce is right about him...because they already think Bruce is right in this argument in the first place. He's the hero of the story, his story, so he must be right.

If you're like me and reading Bruce saying "You're sick. There's a part of you that's broken, and you're angry it's not broken in me." in context felt like a punch in the face, then Minhkhoa is more than justified for that punch. Maybe throw in a hit to the gut and kick him down. Just as a treat. As much as I love Bruce as a character, this was a horrible thing to read coming out of his mouth.

Because it is a pretty fucked up thing to say to somebody. That you think a core part of their personality, something that they struggle with and was formed by trauma, is "broken". You wanted to "fix" them, erase them and mold them into the kind of person you think is desirable. You realized it doesn't work that way, and so that must mean it's their fault for being "broken". That this piece of them is something you despise so much that you would throw away the relationship and declare you never want to see them again, because you cannot love them as they are.

Bruce insists upon conformity. He has these ideas of how people should act and behave, and he holds fast to them regardless of circumstance or other factors that should be considered. To quote Minhkhoa from BTK #6: "You care more about your stupid rules than the consequences of them!" Which is something Minhkhoa says because Bruce attacks him for "making" him shoot Luka, who was notably going to kill Minhkhoa for having a personality disorder.

Bruce says "I have no interest in not caring about people" yet demonstrates that if someone does not make themselves more palatable to him, does not choose to continue pretending to be someone they're not, then he will stop caring about them. Or at least stop caring enough that he hurts them and chooses to not have a relationship with them anymore.

There's deep ignorance and hypocrisy in Bruce's behavior, and that's something to be angry about. Minhkhoa has the right to be angry about that, just on principle.

Shifting gears here, though, I will say I disagree that Minhkhoa wouldn't have any feelings of unworthiness or low self-esteem surrounding his personality disorder and being a target of ableism/sanism. That's a limitation placed on his character due to his creator's and writers' prejudices. The writers hold those prejudices, so they cannot effectively criticize them in their work. By all intents and purposes, the text holds that Minhkhoa does not feel any emotions at all...which is just fundamentally false. I wouldn't declare definitively that Minhkhoa doesn't feel a certain emotion just because the text does not show it, when the writers don't want to portray Minhkhoa as a person who feels and implications that he does in the text are largely unintentional.

I also disagree with the implication that if Minhkhoa did feel a burst of self-loathing, that it would then mean Bruce is right in his accusations or assertions on Minhkhoa's character. Bruce is objectively wrong. He is wrong regardless of how Minhkhoa reacts to him. That is the reason why it is incorrect to claim Minhkhoa is admitting Bruce is right; there's nothing to admit. The reason is not that he can't feel the emotion, because that is also wrong.

And by definition, a disorder must cause significant distress to the client. Now, whether he is able to identify that distress, willing to dwell on or voice it, or desiring to confront it...is different. Minhkhoa has learned how to mask his traits while simultaneously viewing them as strengths. That is cognitive dissonance, and dissonance causes distress. Masking is exhausting and repressing who you are is distressing. And having your life constantly devalued and threatened is distressing. (And being dehumanized and depersonalized constantly would naturally lend to self-loathing, even if you fail to recognize it as such. Speaking from experience, mainly.)

I don't think in the Argentina fight that Minhkhoa hated himself in that moment (he wouldn't have time to process what's happening enough for that to even start), nor would he have thought Bruce was right. I do think he genuinely cared (despite his insistence that he doesn't care about anything) what Bruce thought about him and it simply hurts to be mistreated, especially when it's someone you thought was the One who was different from everybody else and wouldn't treat you that way. I'd say just as a person who does have personality disorders...the "obsession" is more like a lifeline. This is the Only Person you have who understands you; and when they are gone, you have no one. Other people have friends and family to fall back on. Other people have support systems, sometimes entire support networks. And you have just the One Person you can confide in, appreciate their company, receive affection from, and know that you're not alone. Humans are social creatures, we need socialization (even if we hate it), and we need others with us.

This phenomenon of the One Person is specifically seen in personality disorders—mainly with cluster B and C from what I've seen—and it goes by different names (i.e. AsPD ‐ Exception, BPD - Favorite Person, AvPD - Safe Person). These are community terms, not clinical ones, and each term's meaning is specific to the context of the disorder. [Disclaimer: more than one person can potentially fill these roles...it's just uncommon and not everyone with a personality disorder even has one in the first place.]

Being separated from, alienated by, and/or becoming disillusioned with that One Person is like cutting a lifeline. Getting real personal here but...being separated from mine sent me into a month-long depressive episode fraught with hallucinations, delusions, and anxiety attacks. And they hadn't done or said anything malicious to me before departing...I just didn't have any choice or say in the matter and then they were gone and there was an understanding that even if I could technically reach out to then, that it would be best not to do so regularly, let alone to what we had before. That was enough for everything to come crashing down. I didn't think I did anything wrong, because if I did, I would have been confronted about it. I didn't handle separation well regardless; it's rooted in trauma. It is much, much worse to be explicitly rejected and hurt and even more so when you are trying to hold onto them and there's nothing you can feasibly do to convince them not to leave you.

I don't think that the separation after Argentina, when Minhkhoa has no control over it, would have bode well for him in terms of mental health. Already in denying Bruce the privilege to say his true name and see his face, he's not just demonstrating a loss of trust but a choice to depersonalize himself. I think he could have a period of low self-esteem following that incident...being able to rationalize feelings away, avoid confronting them, compartmentalize, etc. doesn't mean you don't ever feel things (something always slips through). Nor does struggling to identify and recognize your own feelings mean that you aren't feeling them.

Granted, people are different and react to things differently. The point I'm trying to make is that I approach Minhkhoa's characterization in the comics from the point of view that Tynion, Zdarsky, and the other writers that have worked on him lack a fundamental understanding of personality disorders and what it's like to live with them; that the portrayal and framing of antisocial personality disorder in these comics is harmful at its best; and Minhkhoa has the potential to be a more complex character than the text allows him to be.

A lot of people seem to mistake Khoa’s anger at being called broken by Bruce as some sort of personal admission that there is something “wrong” with him but I, personally, view it more as Khoa feeling an inherent sense of betrayal at the fact that the one person he thought understood him suddenly shifted his perspective on him.

He’s fully aware that he’s set apart from his peers & seemed to be content with that until he met Bruce— Bruce, who seemed to be a kindred spirit even when he and Khoa fought, who had consistently targeted Khoa’s actions instead of the thought processes behind them even when they did fight, who never once insinuated he needed to be fixed until that moment.

The moment of them on a bridge in Moscow in B:TK #5 is a testament to the level he places Bruce at in itself; by acknowledging that Bruce changed his mind about being alone, he’s accepting Bruce as an equal. Even after they fought and parted ways for the last time after Lazarus, the fact that Khoa kept Bruce alive solely for fighting still implies he views him on equal footing as him/“worthy” enough to spar with.

The scene in Argentina irrevocably shifts the narrative of them being equals when Khoa realizes that it’s Bruce who doesn’t seem them as equals anymore. Bruce seems to be the one thing he can never leave behind to the point where he suggests they work together even after all of the arguments they’ve shared over the years. He implies Khoa’s inability to care about people in a way that’s expected of him is wrong, and even goes so far as to assume what Khoa’s feeling.

It’s not the lack of initiative on Bruce’s part that sets Khoa off, nor is it the fact that he declined Khoa’s invitation in the first place— it’s the fact that Bruce implies there’s something fundamentally wrong with him which, as a result, means Bruce never wants to see him again. Khoa’s angry because he’s always seemed to have the upper hand in their relationship, but he never expected this. It’s always been Khoa leaving Bruce in some capacity, whether it’s him leaving after their first fight in the wilderness or him leaving after saving Bruce at Lazarus. He’s always left on his own terms. Bruce is the one person in the world who made Khoa feel like he was understood in some capacity and despite burning the bridges between them on numerous occasions, he never seemed to plan for the fact that Bruce would get to it first.

There’s a significant level of vulnerability in Khoa’s actions in the context of the Argentina argument and the larger scope of his appearances.

Khoa specifically emphasizes the fact that Bruce doesn’t get to utter his name or see his face again because the fact that he’d done both in the first place was a sign of trust, and that trust was lost the moment Bruce spoke Those™ words.

To me, his reaction in this moment isn’t an admission of self-loathing or hatred towards himself at the fact that he’s incapable of experiencing certain things, and I honestly don’t think Khoa has ever experienced intense feelings of unworthiness/low self-esteem surrounding the negative views on his personality disorder. His relationship with Bruce borders on obsession at some points, and the disillusionment caused by the realization that their dynamic has shifted significantly without him being able to control it is what angers him.

Khoa has been shown to have moments of possible guilt/regret at his actions such as the fact that he couldn’t save Phantom-One, but that could be chalked up to him being disappointed at failing as a crime-fighter. He never once puts the blame on himself for anything, so I don’t view his hurt in this scenario being formed out of a place of self-doubt or self-hatred.

[your-queer-dad]

hi, dad!

i made some new friends recently and because i’m in a REALLY small non-toxic fandom, i’m friends (or at least moots£ with most people in the fandom :D

and the best part about the fandom is: everyone is queer (i’m trans, gay & caedaroace), everyone is pro-otherkin (i’m a fictkin) and everyone respects the creators and actors boundaries on not sexualising the characters! (other than two people. but one left the fandom (THANK GOD..) and the other i don’t interact with as much because she’s got some… interesting takes…!).

also it means i’m more focused on making fanfiction for my friends and myself instead of for the kudos and comments because it’s a small fandom.

AND it means i’m not constantly exposed to ableism, because in the fandom i was in there was a canonically disabled character who’s disability was erased after a disabled actor experienced discrimination and people forgot about it and were overall ableist to said character… :(

the fandom is a musical that has explicit queer rep (two gay characters, one nonbinary bisexual character, one genderqueer-coded lesbian character and one pansexual character), an accurate depiction of hypersexuality in two characters, an accurate depiction of an abusive relationship an accurate depiction of an autistic character and also accurate depictions of trauma!! :D

but somehow in an all-queer fandom (aside from one person, but he’s chill!) everyone somehow misgenders the nonbinary character even though they explicitly use they/them and gender neutral terms… (“there’s no way THEY’D help you if you killed THEIR girlfriend”, “a MAGE left the prison, THEY could find you today”, “alright, loverMAGE, we’re going in”, “maddox, her LOVER…” “ the MAGE? what do THEY have to do with this?”) … it’s only like one person that i can see (the person who has the… interesting… takes) but it still pisses me off because they’re made to be nonbinary, but because the actor has long hair and he has makeup on and is trans but uses any pronouns (iirc?) people take that as them being gendered.. :(

the way autism is portrayed in this makes me really happy, because the autistic character is never explicitly mentioned as autistic because it’s a medieval-set musical, but he’s confirmed autistic! he has a personality outside of his special interest—which is birds and nature to some extent—and he also DOES swear (once, but STILL!!!), understand sexual references and hes also sarcastic!!

and the way abusive relationships are portrayed, as someone who was in one, makes me so happy. the abuser is called out on his behaviour multiple times, it’s not fetishised, the victim gets another partner who is everything he needed and it also shows how some victims, after the relationship, still have feelings for the abuser or victimise the abuser jshsns

AND all the characters have personalities aside from being queer while queer & trans love is still a main theme!

all the cast is queer too, and so are the writers! and there’s only one guy in the cast who, to my knowledge, is cis. and the thing that makes me really liek ‘jdhahanaj’ is the fact NO ONE MISGENDERS ANYONE (aside from jordan i mean the person with shit opinions… to the nonbinary character :(()

(sorry if this is really rambly, this is my special interest!!!)

i hope you have a good day/afternoon/evening/night !! (it’s 2AM while i’m writing this, so i’m gonna go to sleep..)

— robin

Hey kiddo!!! That sounds incredible!! What's the name of the musical? I'll have to check it out!

- dad x

[soullessjack]

so one of my other problems with babyjack is that the fandom just seems to have this sort of collective cognitive dissonance about it, in almost any context or discussion. like this post as probably my only standing example (bc it’s the only one to have gotten traction), there are all these tags about how babyjack leads to bad dean criticism, or how it’s nice in aus but they want canon complex jack, and like I’m not entirely disagreeing with that, but it is so fucking frustrating that people are still ignoring the actual problem with it and either only focusing on the most surface level issues that personally affect them or their corner of the fandom, or making up some point of acceptability for it that frankly isn’t theirs to make.

it’s the autistic experience of our struggles never being seen or cared about until they become other people’s inconveniences, and our voices being used to say something else entirely. when the main takeaway of that post is how the fandom’s treatment of jack being in a way he’s explicitly shown to hate being treated directly mirrors autistic people’s struggle for autonomy in the real world, I really do not need you to make it about how it makes your golden website boy dean look like a big meanie pants, okay? that’s definitely a part of it, but it’s not at all what we are talking about, and it 100% should not be the only reason you care.

and especially when the other takeaway is how this is just a smaller scale issue that comes from autistic infantilization, the absolute last take I want to hear is that you find that infantilization acceptable as long it’s an AU or something else separated from canon. believe me, I’m beyond glad more people actually prefer canon complex jack—like, I don’t think you guys understand that that is legitimately a rarity to find here— but the thing about babyjack is that the concept itself is inherently ableist, and directly relies on his complexities (and the representation he means for us) being removed and erased so that he can even exist in the context of those AU’s. It feels very… ‘have your cake and eat it too’ to me.

I’m trying not to sound angry or accusatory, but I am also tired of having to force civility on a problem that’s pretty much just an open secret thar everyone collectively ignores and beats bushes around solely because they prioritize #domesticdestiel over all. I mean, do you guys even hear yourselves sometimes? Like half of it just boils down to “Autistic infantilization is always bad, except for this one context where it makes my ship look domestic and redeems my blorbo,” and it’s getting really fucking annoying to have to constantly explain something that is not only painfully easy to understand, but is understood and actively ignored, and still play nice so that somebody out there might listen.

So many people will say they like canon Jack and want more of him from the fandom, and I more than agree, but motherfucker you have a blog! You have the tools! Be the change you want to see! He doesn’t have to be your fav or your blog thesis blorbo, but if you want it, you are literally fully equipped to make it! Write some meta, draw some fanart, whatever. Better yet, you could even stop engaging with and perpetuating content that actively pushes down on what you want and, I must reiterate, is actively harmful and ableist. If you want domestic silliness go right ahead, but you don’t need to resort to ableism to do it.

I don’t think I’m asking too much or asking rudely, and frankly I don’t even think I owe niceties to anyone when it’s a problem that has been openly ignored for 6 years and holds plenty of bearing in the real world concerning my identity and community and shit we face constantly. Outside of our screens, we are constantly fighting for autonomy and recognition and representation, and even to be seen as people. Online spaces, especially fandom spaces, are a huge source of escapism and support that we wouldn’t get otherwise. So for the love of god, please stop bringing that fight here.

[shirogane-oushirou]

edit: i decided this would drive me nuts, but i still want to keep it in case there's something worth salvaging in the future. ignore all of this ^_^

for some reason i'm interested the idea of poke!ren beginning our friendship with that like... unintentional infantilization a lot of people do with disabled people when they're trying not to be actively ableist? not because i enjoy that LMAO ABSOLUTELY NOT -- and my pokesona is prideful as hell and would DESPISE it -- but i think it would make sense.

[cw casual ableism, infantilism of disabled ppl. also, disclaimer: i'm basing some of this loosely on my own health issues so it may not 100% apply to all disabled people. just want to keep that straight LMAO.]

most many doctors are SUPREMELY ableist, but doc!ren went into his field SPECIFICALLY to help disabled people and so focused on how best to treat each individual person according to their personalities and disabilities. sure, poke!ren's also technically both a clinical doc and researcher, but if doc!ren is like 80% clinical 20% research, poke!ren is like 10% clinical 90% research.

so poke!ren... doesn't have that knowledge. he does mostly field work and some lab work, with the rare "what do you think about this specific medical case?" appointment. he's the kind of person who hates the more vocal brands of ableism, but is consistently overbearing with his treatment of disabled people in a way that's inadvertently exhausting to deal with because "what happens if i tell him this is also ableist? will he have a fit? will he get angry or upset? will he decide disabled people are too picky if i'm not the Perfect Disabled Little Meow Meow?" so you just end up suffering through it.

therefore, he goes full "paper skin, glass bones," with me, very, "oh i can get that for you! no don't stand up, i can do that. can i cook something for you? no no no, i mean, i know you COULD, but wouldn't it be /easier/ for me to make it for you? you might hurt yourself!". 🙄

we have an evening outing in another city. it gets dark, we're not at the point where we're comfortable staying at his place together, he offers to maybe help me find a hotel, and i say "nope i've got this!" and fly away home on a Fucking Lugia.

and then he has to sit with that and realize some things.

like the fact that he has no idea who the fuck i am beyond surface level. after all, i've been carrying a legendary bird around in my back pocket and he didn't know until now, months after we first met.

like the fact that i can take care of SOME things by myself with the right "tools" or pkmn. i SOMETIMES need help, but i don't ALWAYS need help, and if i DO need help i have the option to tell him myself.

like the fact that he simply saw me as Disabled. as though i didn't have a life before or outside of Disability. i was simply the pitiable, lonely, disabled vn nerd he talks about games with.

and then he has to relearn Me from square one, and it makes our relationship so much stronger. we're able to work on our perfect balance together and build the trust that HE won't take things over for ME when I'M capable of something, and that I will let HIM know when i need HIM to do something I can't do. he has to trust that i'll let him be more doting on the days when i'm having flare-ups, but simultaneously has to respect when there are things i still want to do myself even on those worst days.

.........idk. this is a lot of words to say "god i want to be taken care of, but in a way where the other person sees me as an adult with a personality and decision-making ability and a life that's deeply AFFECTED by disability in many ways but isn't JUST disability." yk?

tbch, after writing it all out, this maaaay end up as canon..... OR it might remain a theoretical offshoot depending on how comfy i am when the Mental Movies (tm) of us finding that trust come together. poke!ren's supposed to be like. PURE escapism, so something like this honestly might hit too close to home to feel good fdhfghfg. like at least he'd end up learning that balance, which is nice... but everything leading up to it? 😬 Maybe A Bit Too Painful....

(damn. verbose king over here, wrote all of this TWICE just to say "i might throw it out" lKNMADKJFNKJDNF)

[sagesilentfire]

another toffee analysis by sage h silentfire

I've been sitting on this analysis for a while, and I was going to touch on it briefly in a project I'm working on, but a talk with my therapist allowed me to put it into words and in greater detail than before. So here it is:

Why exactly do I like Toffee so much? It's a genuine question. He's the target of many different questionable writing choices, barely focused on, and forgotten within seconds of his death. We know so little about him he's basically a generic doomsday villain. The fandom is worse to him: popular interpretations paint him as cruel, arrogant, spiteful, and even, surprisingly enough, stupid. The word "sociopath" gets thrown around a lot, which, ableist. He's emotionless. He has no empathy. He's unable to connect with people. While liking villains is somewhat acceptable nowadays, it's always with the expectation that you like them because they're evil, not for any deeper reason. And with Toffee, because he's so poorly written, that should be the reason you like him. Because he's evil, and that's awesome.

But that's not why I like Toffee.

See, I am autistic, and that's never going away. I get more stereotypically autistic by the year, as I grow and become more independent, and my newfound independence clashes with my family and the society I live in. I'm weird, I'm moderately smart, I'm quirky. But more critically, I have no close friends because I literally don't know how to make and maintain friendships. I feel painfully aware of the potential emotions of everyone around me, but I don't know how to act on that awareness and communicate effectively with people, leading me to assume the worst. I have had meltdowns in crowded spaces that went completely unnoticed because I was "too subtle". I even worry that I'll die without any of the stories I want to tell – without my story – being told, because no one wanted to learn it.

Sound familiar?

So yes, I like Toffee. Even think he's a halfway decent person morality-wise, not just a villain. He expresses emotions weirdly, but he does express emotions. He is staunchly not willing to sacrifice his plans for others, but he still takes time to be nice to other people regardless. He didn't kill Moon and Marco when he could have, even though they were trying to kill him. He is empathetic enough to manipulate people and smart enough to take control of any situation, and he does it while not expressing emotions in ways others would expect. He's so much like my dream self fr.

And he dies the unquestioned villain, never getting the chance to tell his side of the story. The only perspective that we do get is filtered through the lens of his murderers. 

"But Sage!" you might be saying. "What about Comet?!"

Well. I do count Comet's death as one of the questionable choices the writers made (it makes very little sense with Toffee's character, wouldn't he manipulate her into a better deal? It feels a little like the writers were like "Oh shoot, we haven't made Toffee evil enough to 'deserve' his graphic death, let's... uh, let's make him kill Moon's mother for no reason!"), but I can understand why Toffee did it, again through an autistic lens.

See, autistic people like me aren't taken seriously. Not about our areas of knowledge, not about our views and beliefs, and especially not about matters of our physical and mental health. We're treated like weird baby dolls that are expected not to have meltdowns or criticize their "superiors". Or we're embarrassments, time bombs just waiting to go off and mortify whoever we're with. Growing up, I was never able to be right, or even have a point. Oh, there were minor disagreements my guardians let me "win" and then would weaponize during the more serious arguments, but whenever we got into screaming matches, I was always the one in the wrong. We didn't even apologize or talk it out after arguments; it was always expected that I would realize I was wrong eventually and it was swept under the rug with all the other skeletons of long-dead arguments and left to simmer into resentment. 

But there was one surefire way to make a dent, one I discovered recently and that has actually saved my life.

In the summer of 2022, I was put on a new medication. Long story short, I did not sleep for two weeks. I was in shambles, and I needed my mother to raise hell from me, because she would not let me do it myself – my psychiatry goes through my guardians, and I didn't even have the psychiatrist's number at the time. But she wouldn't do anything. The psychiatrist thought things would level out eventually, and my mother thought what the psychiatrist thought, nevermind that I was actively getting worse and my sleeping pills were getting less effective by the day. I begged her to raise hell like I knew she could, and she sent a mild phone call gently suggesting that things still weren't ideal. I could feel myself slipping away as everyone who was ostensibly taking care of me sat and twiddled their thumbs.

So I got personal. I deliberately started a big blowout. I convinced her that things weren't going well, and this little game of chicken with my health wouldn't result in the perfect, uncritical, angelic autistic daughter she so desperately wanted. I got into a screaming match, I listed everything she had ever done wrong, and I told her to shut up and stop spewing weak justifications on how my pain wasn't her fault, actually. I hit her where it hurts. I hurt her back. I hurt her.

And it worked. Hurting her made her take me seriously and I was back on my old meds before sunset. I slept well that night. And I will never regret it. 

So maybe Toffee's plan to overthrow his colonizers with the death of Comet didn't end in monster victory. But if it weren't for the eleventh-hour dark magic, it would have. And Toffee's people were oppressed and the victims of genocide for ages. They were the small band of rebels fighting an evil colonizing empire. They were ideologically in the right. They kicked and clawed and bit until they found something to hurt, and then they didn't hesitate. Because no one took them seriously, and they still wouldn't have taken them seriously unless they did something damaging. Comet sure didn't; her chapter is a continually escalating series of microaggressions. Moon didn't; she doesn't seem to care about the conflict at all before Comet's death. Who else would take him seriously? Mina? The High Commission? Glossaryck?

So while I don't think he was totally in character in killing Comet, I do understand more than others why he might have done it. 

Because Toffee is like me, for better or for worse. And he could have been great for me and people like me. But he wasn't. He was assumed to be evil and left to die immediately. Because people like me are always the bad guys.

In short,

Exhibits:

Toffee's emotions, courtesy @butterflyeffectiveless:

Comet's continually escalating microaggressions:

Additional source for Toffee being autistic:

because i'm autistic and i like him

the end.

[cosmicqvake]

Somewhat of a LONG rant/discussion ahead, just a warning. Ignore it if you would like.

This is regarding the Daisy/Fitz storyline in S5 (yes, we all know which one)

I’m basically going to discuss (and rant, ig) about how I think that, despite what a large portion of the fandom apparently thinks, Daisy’s pain and anger in S5 is valid. :,)

If you’re going to read this at all, please read to the end, I have so much to say and don’t want it to seem that I am in any way attacking Fitz either (I love and feel for him so very much too), this post just focuses more on Daisy’s experience.

The ONLY people I am blatantly attacking here are the writers for even writing this in the first place (shame on y’all).

Okay…

Daisy was tortured. She was strapped down by (doctor)Fitz against her will, drugged and tortured. He cut into her neck with a knife, tore the inhibitor out, which could have literally paralysed her (as Jemma mentioned at one point, which Fitz also knew), all whilst she was screaming in pain and begging for help.

(Also while two of her friends watched. >:) I love Deke and Jemma, and I totally get Jemma’s decision to try and talk Fitz down, but come on. Do better, WRITERS. Early seasons Jemma would’ve never allowed that.)

Not to mention, Daisy was horrified that when said device was removed, she was going to lose control and end up destroying the world, which many people in the future were constantly blaming/hating her for. She had seen it, she was CONVINCED that if the inhibitor was removed, THAT WOULD HAPPEN.

She wasn’t even begging for HERSELF on that table, she was begging him to stop so that she wouldn’t take billions of innocent lives.

And afterwards, Fitz admitted that he didn’t regret doing it. That he didn’t regret hurting her to do that. Imagine how that must’ve felt to Daisy.

And some people are saying that she’s ableist and out of line for holding him accountable and locking him up?

I’m so sorry, but what did you think she was gonna do? “Awe, that’s alright buddy, I understand :)” No, and no one should expect her to be totally fine with it, nor immediately forgive him.

She went through TRAUMA at the hands of one of her closest friends, someone she considered FAMILY. Her anger with him after that is justified.

Please hypothetically put yourself in her shoes for a moment. :,)

Her locking him up was also justified in my opinion, as how did she know it wouldn’t happen again? And that he wouldn’t accidentally hurt someone else? Under her watch whilst Coulson was away? After all, he was the one to reprogram the robot soldier that shot Mack- all so that he’d be out of the picture so that (doctor)Fitz could single out Daisy with no one being in the way. Same reason he knocked Deke out and waited until many members of the team were off-base.

This makes him potentially highly dangerous, whether he is in his right mind or not.

Daisy was put in charge by Coulson at the time and she had, not only herself, but the rest of the team to worry about, all whilst trying to navigate and deal with their foes, which also meant her going off base.

With the resources they had at the time (which wasn’t like… anything), locking him up was all she could do in that moment.

It was the safest option, as that way, he wouldn’t be able to involuntarily hurt himself or any others.

Yes, Fitz had a psychotic/schizophrenic break. No, that’s ABSOLUTELY not his fault and was just as painful for him to experience. But regardless of that, he had to be held responsible for his actions, especially when it resulted in him traumatising one of his closest friends/family.

Whether it was actually HIM or not does not take away Daisy’s pain, it doesn’t take away her trauma, she’s just as hurt regardless.

He still had to be held accountable.

Daisy holding him accountable for what he did is not ableist, nor do I think she’s a ‘girlboss’ or anything of the such for it (as I’ve seen other, more intense Daisy fans say… THAT’S not cool). I just think that she was defending herself.

The pain Daisy went through was still very, VERY real, and she had a right to hate him for what he did, especially with it still being so fresh.

BUT finally, I would also like to point out the very NOT cool thing that Daisy did/said even before this whole debacle, which was calling Fitz “Leopold” and “HYDRA”. THAT is not okay and I do not support her actions there. I could extend my thoughts on why, but it should be obvious. In my books, that is a step too far on her part, as what happened in the Framework was completely out of his control.

Her pain is real, and her anger is valid, but that was a step too far.

ULTIMATELY, in conclusion, I blame the writers for their decision to do this, to write this storyline in the first place, because they ruined the heart of Fitz and Daisy’s friendship by doing so, and that hurts SO bad. Not to mention, both characters did/said things so out of character and that was… UGH. It makes me so angry.

Neither of them deserved this.

Neither of them deserved the pain and trauma that came from it, and both characters deserved so very much better because BOTH suffered for it.

S5 really was CRUEL on my little agent family. ;-;

I know this opinion can be considered controversial, but I want to once again express that I sympathise with BOTH characters here, I’m just focusing this post more on Daisy because most others do not, and regularly attack anyone who even breathes in her defence during S5. I see Fitz’s side too, and I feel SO much for him as well (+ if I did go into how traumatic it also is for Fitz, this would probably be twice as long as it already is. Just know that I do see that too, I’m not blind).

Of course I feel just as much for him, I’m just tired of people always going at Daisy for not immediately forgiving him after such a traumatic experience, not only for Fitz but HER too. I’m tired of this debate within the fandom but I just wanted to express a part of my (overly extensive) view on it and be done with it because I needed to get it off my chest as someone who sympathises with BOTH characters in S5.

I have more points that could be made for both ‘sides’ (even tho there shouldn’t even be ‘sides’, both went through trauma, there should not be a debate on that) but this is already WAY too long so I kept it “short” (or shortER at least).

I’m very passionate about this subject and sick of the arguments (as both a Daisy and Fitz defender) so thank you for coming to my stupidly long rant (and I hope you all don’t hate me after this lmao)

[tacticalhimbo]

-> PINNED POST

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now, here's a bit about me:

name. jason (jay or jas works too) pronouns. they / it / xe / pup & es / xier (auf deutsch, bitte!) age. 24+ languages. english (and sometimes german) misc. chronically ill / disabled (long covid, impaired vision, impaired hearing), neurodivergent (autism, adhd, c-ptsd), regrettably from florida

and my blog:

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more below the cut.

potentially frequently asked questions:

why do you type in all lower case? easier to read, easier to type.

didn't you used to go by [x]? i won't say, usually. i have posted about some of it before, but i'm not gonna trudge anything back up. personal name changes are part of my gender journey, url changes are for a reason / because i can.

i saw you used to do paid commissions! will you open those again? maybe. it really depends on how i can take payment and whether or not i feel safe doing that. accessible payment methods risk me being outed, and in the most unsafe state in the united states for trans* folk... i would rather not risk that if i can avoid it.

do you take writing / fic requests that aren't paid? sure! i don't mind writing things or creating things for people free of charge, as long as you actually... respect it. don't steal my shit, don't claim you wrote it, etc etc. i know i can't stop you, but i can (and will) shit talk you and drag you through the mud if i catch you doing it. i know my worth. don't try to play me because you're an insecure fuck.

why do you sometimes write trans*? isn't the asterisk redundant/problematic/etc? afaik, no. it's a habit i picked up while writing about trans folk in an academic context where my audience was primarily cis. it literally means nothing more than showcasing that trans is an umbrella term that includes various labels (e.g., transgender, transsexual, transmasc, transfem, etc etc.). if someone has made it problematic, or used it in discourse/exclusionary circles, i am not aware of that. and if that is enough to make you think i'm an exclusionist... why are you even here? genuinely.

can you tag posts with queer as "q-slur" or something similar? no. queer is my identity. don't like it, don't stick around.

why are some types of campaigns tagged as "important" and others tagged as "bump!"? well, context is dependent. but right now trying to help victims of genocide takes precedent. of course, i encourage everyone to donate to any of the campaigns i share regardless of content, as everyone deserves their basic needs filled.

some terms i use to describe my identity and orientation include:

ambiamorous

cybercoric (coined by fairystar-fag)

cyberdog (coined by burgerlabs)

cybertransmasc / cyber transmasc (coined by grief-chapter)

nonbinary

polyamorous

queer

transgender

transmasculine

aromantic

allosexual

genderqueer

gender outlaw

and some fun facts about me include:

i'm a college graduate with a bachelor's degree focused on social work and correctional support management. i aim to work in mental health advocacy, and want to focus on marginalized / underrepresented populations.

[kairismess]

彡⋆｡˚ rules.

this is strictly a sfw blog; though i don't particularly mind people over the age of 17 to follow me (so long as you don't expect me to entertain anything of explicit or nsfw nature, please refrain from approaching me, my asks, or this blog with that kind of content.)

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as much as possible, i encourage you guys to please reblog and like my stuff if you enjoyed it! likes don't exactly get me and other creators far on this platform, tumblr focuses more on how many reblogs a creator has to keep them on your dash; so please, if you liked my stuff, please reblog it too to support me! (this is still up to you guys, no pressure!)

what i will write: fluff, fem!readers, filo!readers, gn!readers, and just anything else sfw. i'll also do suggestive stuff, but nothing too explicit.

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once again, my blog is a safe space for all those who come to read my content, i'll interact with you guys so long as you respect my rules; respect my rules, and i'll respect yours ^^

[selamat-linting]

continuing my last liveblog, this time focused on the characters.

-vriska is. amazing. she is THE CHARACTER EVER. i enjoy her a lot but when it comes to morality, she's... i dont know what to make of her. like, from all the fandom drama i heard secondhand, she was made to be this mass murderer. like yeah, she is responsible to a lot of fuckups in plot, she is ableist to tavros and used aradia's boyfriend sollux to kill her, and sabotaged jade's attempt to get into the game but i think at her core, she's just a 13 year old bully. if she was in a normal human environment, raised by an ordinary family, at worst, she'd be the kind of girls who spread mean rumors of the outcast kids at school. still bad but, garden variety shittiness that can be fixed with age and growth. its the condition she's in that drove her into such terribleness. alternia let kids kill and maim each other, eliminate people who defy the law and customs. its a tyrannical empire and of course the kids produced in that kind of environment are vicious to each other. its not wrong the other kids dont want nothing to do with her and seeing her gets her shit kicked by aradia was cathartic but. man, i still feel very sympathetic to her.

-also, if im not wrong, her romantic relationships now would be :

nicholas cage - one sided matesprit(?)

kanaya maryam - moirail / auspistice (?)

tavros - the most unhealthy kismesis i have ever seen

-also, poor tavros. im waiting for the scene where he gets to kick the shit out of vriska like aradia but alas. its nice that he and vriska seems to get on better terms later on. i have to admit, vriska taking the time to dress up and set the mood to kiss tavros is kind of endearing while also being yikes what the fucking fuck my guy. but anyway, tavros being disabled as only a fodder for stair jokes, and then getting his legs forcibly replaced when the wheelchair jokes gets old, and then making him the butt of the joke again, good god. i want tavros's narrative arc to be treated more seriously. andrew hussie you are an ableist piece of shit you know that right?

-and kanaya! its so interesting how space aspects players are all very aesthetic-minded. they always have the cool pretty stuff. also she had a crush on rose isnt she? the way she admired her gamefaqs playthrough guide reminds of that tumblr fairytale where cinderella reads aurora's diary and fell in love. haha! right after i have that suspicions, i check tumblr to see if theyre a popular ship and apparently theyre also canon? cool. its so nice to be proven right. theyre both unhinged weird girls but in a very subdued way. also, i think karkat have been underestimating how much she helped on cooling down the group's animosities. not just between tavros and vriska, but eridan and feferi too, to an extent.

-speaking of feferi, ugh, i feel so bad for her. i cant believe someone as positive as her could be corrupted by the horrorterrors. one moment, she's the only one preventing a trollnazi and a doomsday lusus from destroying the shit out of everything, and suddenly shes twisting squibbles into cthulhu. "dont you get it, im dead," baller fucking quote but im so sorry girl. she has always been someone who is resigned of the fate of everything, but she never stops trying to make the best of it, unlike aradia.

-Also, why is equius so horny all the time? my god he is so fucking rapey.

-terezi!!! terezi!!! she's my favorite troll. her friendship with dave is so adorable. i like how they start out as enemies mocking each other but end up as (shitty) art buddies. but man, she is just as extreme in her trolling effort like, she did kill john in a timeline. anyway, back to dave and terezi. they both think theyre so cool but theyre actually cringe. also, is the drawing of the guy above the his tyranny writing in her room, meant to be karkat? ugh, i wish im her.

-i dont have much to say over sollux but as a gemini, he has the coolest design. literally the coolest shade ever. twin signs represent!

-karkat is... *grits teeth* self recognition through the other (derogatory). i hate that i shared his classpect. he ruined an objectively awesome title just by being himself. but i never really know what kind of guy he is, just his notoriousness as a grumpy anime boy slash tumblr sexyman. i hate him even more after knowing him btw, because he really is just like me! on the surface, he's just a 13 year old version of jean vicquemare from disco elysium. but seeing his memos, seeing his... everything. oh my god. i hate myself. his constant bitching is my inner voice everytime i have to deal with [redacted] and [redacted]. only that im now old enough to know i shouldnt unleash that to everyone indiscriminately. also, i too did the future writing thing. like, i would actually look at my old diary entries, and wrote a response as if speaking to my past self. but, is it weird that seeing him makes me a bit more confident in my own leadership skills? I dont know. anyway, he's funny. god even him just living his life and breathing is hilarious. i want to see you suffer little man (not in a whump way i want to see him get mad, eat shit, and react to ridiculous shit)

-JADE!!!! i miss her a lot. finally she's in the game. she's one of the nicest and the coolest of the beta kids. and i envy her house a lot. im sick of her being out of the loop. also, just from her science alone, she's pretty OP. she dont need powers to defeat the imps. she's very much my favorite out of the beta kids

-i cannot believe dave resorts to ruining the stock market. he would have liked nfts. cant believe that plotline exists and it was actually an elaborate troll plot. i cant wait to see him blossom to his cool future selves. caw caw motherfucker was impressive as hell despite being ridiculous. i have no idea how his sprite make that cool. also, his bro's dead? its kinda sad. like, i know the training and the smuppet shit wasnt exactly healthy and sane but, its still a tragedy that he never really get the chance to understand his parent or get closure. bro's dead. thats it.

[harimenui-forever]

The problem with many c!Wilbur "healing" fics

I will not mention the fics by name. Even if you know the ones I'm going to use as an example, please do not harass the authors, they probably do not realize how harmful their writing is.

This is a critique of a certain trope many people in the L'manblr discord server have noticed popping up in the Wilbur Soot ao3 tag. It is a serious topic that has probably been discussed before, but to my knowledge nobody has made a long post about.

CW: discussions of mental health, ableism, abuse and savior complex

This is not a recent issue, there were many fics like this after November 16th, but it is a relevant one. I'm talking about the basement fics, the "Wilbur is stuck in the house with SBI and cannot do anything and it's for his own good" fics.

The issue with these fics is surprisingly not Wilbur's characterization, that one is sometimes really good (although sometimes it degrades over time as he "heals"), it's rather an issue of narrative and what it deems as acceptable and okay. Wilbur in these fics seems to be fighting not only SBI, but also the narrative and the writer. He is stuck in a house/basement/a bad situation and it's "for his own good", it's so "he can heal", but is it really?

Let's work with some examples:

1) In this fic Wilbur is revived and feels like he needs to rebuild the camarvan. It is something that means a lot to him as a person and he wants to go back to the good old times. The catch? When he sleeps Ghostbur basically possesses him and drags him to the cabin in the Arctic, ruining all his plans. The SBI in this have a different dynamic than in canon, so I will ignore the mischaracterization (poor c!Tommy tho). Wilbur is obviously frustrated, he's essentially trapped, he can't do anything to stop it. SBI insist that he should drop it and be with his family, that he's too focused on the past, but instead of actually hearing him out, his frustrations, his feelings get ignored. Then someone blows up all his hard work and he suffers another psychotic break as a result. However it's painted as being the result of people just not monitoring him enough and not the result of people never hearing him out. All his feelings are invalid in the end, he was wrong, he should stay with his family and never do anything on his own, never have dreams, never be independent again, because look how much it fucked him up, look at how bad he's at living, they're helping him don't you see...

2) The aforementioned "basement fics". (I've avoided these personally, so I do not know the details) By this I mean the fics in which c!Phil doesn't kill Wilbur and instead locks him up in a basement until he "feels better". He might be nice and loving, but that doesn't change the fact that Wilbur is trapped. I'd even say that it makes it more insidious. And of course this treatment magically works, even though it's essentially abuse.

3) In this last example we will talk about a fic where SBI find a way to bring back Ghostbur by "merging" him with Wilbur, resulting in an alter-like situation. It is without consent, Wilbur is clearly horrified, it is treated as a good thing, because the "horrible evil Wilbur is suffering and we can bring Ghostbur back by saying a code-word when he's being annoying, don't mind that it causes him severe emotional distress". (I have a feeling this was written by a minor tho, but still)

What does this tell us?

Wilbur is a character who is mentally ill. Mental illness is something that needs to be discussed when talking about a healing arc. The way these fics "heal" or "help" Wilbur is just ableist, it is cruel. Some come from a place of anger (the third example), but most of them come from the desire to help and that is horrifying. The "right way" of helping people who suffer from severe mental health issues (he's not only suicidal, although in most of these not actively, but also heavily psychotic-coded) is, according to these fics: family love, locking the person up until they are better, taking away their autonomy and making them rely on you.

This makes me very uncomfortable. Wilbur is not seen as a person here, his concerns and feelings are invalid, how dare a mentally ill person have a say in their own mental wellbeing. He is just someone to be cured, a project. How dare he struggle after he's been "cured". How dare he relapse. How dare he feel uncomfortable when he's being treated that way. How dare he have any agency, let's take that away at the end and call it a good thing.

In conclusion: These fics are ableist. They say that mentally ill people should not have any say in their own lives. They imply that completely taking away person's autonomy is a good thing.

This attitude is genuinely concerning and I hope this post helps to bring that into everyone's attention.

[driderwife]

Recently I kind of unofficially stopped talking to my therapist of like , 5 years and I’m feeling like weird and bad about it rn. The thing that happened was like, idk I just got so frustrated and didn’t wanna talk anymore. She’s a really nice person and We have a rapport bc of how long I’ve been seeing her, but at the same time there have been several things that have just been compounding over time and I couldn’t rlly take it anymore:

Last year when I brought up to her that I think I’m autistic, her response was that I couldn’t be because I have an excessive amount of a empathy. And I did explain to her that lack of empathy is not an autistic trait & that it’s a classic ableist mischaracterization, which she SEEMED to be open-minded about at the time. But consistently whenever my BF comes up in convo (he’s diagnosed with autism) she makes it a point to remind me that because he’s autistic he lacks empathy. That’s one thing that really REALLY started to grate on my nerves. It wasn’t relevant and it was factually incorrect. And I guess it hammered in that I will never be able to discuss with her the possibility of me experiencing undiagnosed autism.

Another problem is that still to this day, despite NEVER knowing me when I identified as a girl, she continues to accidentally misgender me or call me “ma’am” instead of sir. She corrects herself but like, idk why I let it go for so long? I’m VERY bad about correcting people IRL so I just let it go time and time again. I was never going by she/her pronouns when we started talking. Clearly she’s just another cis person who hears my “girl” voice and decides internally that I’m a girl.

And on a less serious note I just didn’t feel like I’ve improved at all in the 5+ years we’ve been seeing each other. It wasn’t a waste of time; I’ve learned valuable coping skills and made some important life decisions with her help. But like, I have a litany of mental illnesses that feel untreated at their core and I never feel comfortable enough to open up about them to her on a deeper level. I don’t feel like we’re dealing with anything except little IRL problems I encounter, and my general anxiety. I feel like I’m far worse off mentally than I was years ago and it makes me really unbelievably sad.

I guess all this is to say that I know I NEED a new therapist but Im terrified of the process I have to go through to get one, and get to know them. And I feel like I lost a friend in my old therapist and I’m having trouble not seeing myself as a failure for that.

The only thing I KNOW is what I need, but I have no idea where to find it: I need remote therapy available because I travel across the country several times a year and it’s just a much easier format for me because when I deal with people in person I get way too focused on masking my awkwardness and social anxiety. I also need a queer / LGBTQIA therapist because I’m genuinely tired of babystepping around cis ppls surface-level understanding of my trans experience. Having an ally as a therapist is truly not enough, I don’t want to have to explain the intricate details of what it’s like to be queer.

Sorry for rambling, I don’t wanna put too much of my private life online but it’s something I’ve been wrestling with for a couple months and I needed to write down what I was feeling. If you have any advice, a similar experience, etc, it’s very much appreciated.

[littleoddwriter]

I love your writing! I was wondering if you could write Jesse, Asa, and poly Ghostface with and autistic gender neutral partner please.

Slashers x Autistic!GenderNeutral!Reader | Headcanons

Thank you so much for the request and compliment, I'm glad you enjoy my writing. :) I really hope you'll like these Headcanons! [Fortunately, I'm 98% sure I'm autistic, on top of having BPD, which has great overlaps with Autism anyway, so I've done lots of research over the past years and yeah- I'm just saying that I am definitely not unfamiliar with it and I hope I did an alright job! I focused on certain aspects that I know pretty much every autistic person experiences to some extent at least and that I'm personally familiar with as is. <3]

notes; GenderNeutral!Reader; Stimming; Meltdowns; Sensory Overload; Special Interests & Infodumping; Routines; Semi-Verbal; Asa is autistic, too; Stu has ADHD; Dealing with Difficulties in Social Situations; Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (unintentional); Implied/Referenced Ableism; Implied Murder; Poly-Amorous Relationship.

Characters: Asa Emory/The Collector; Billy Loomis; Stu Macher; Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull.

Asa Emory/The Collector

With Asa you’re lucky, since he’s autistic, too – so whenever you talk about your special interests, he’s not only listening attentively and engaging in an actual conversation with you; he also goes on about his own afterwards!

In addition, it was such a relief to not be forced to mask around him at all, and it was only later that you realised just how much less exhausted you were at the end of every day then

He obviously understands all the struggles you face better than anyone, and while it’s not all exactly the same for him, he can sympathise with you and help you out, just like you do with him

If you suffer from sensory overload, he knows exactly what to do – he turns off all lights, gets out your noise cancelling headphones and stim toys you might rather have instead of hurting yourself with more extreme stims you have at times like this

He handles your meltdowns really well, too – he always lets you ride them out and makes sure you know that you’re not alone and that he’s here for you

Some days you might not talk at all, and he couldn’t care less – he knows what it’s like, he is semi-verbal as is – and so you two have come up with a system to let each other know what’s going on; and you have prepared cards for more mundane things, while you otherwise resort to texting each other about more important and unique things

On the other hand, you also can’t shut up sometimes and generally he is okay with it; he actually enjoys the things you tell him, but when he needs to focus on his work it can be a bit distracting of course – still, he never holds it against you – he just tells you to be quiet and talk to him later, and you understand it; so it’s fine

The two of you also have a whole box full of different stim toys you both use, and it makes you incredibly happy to have a shared collection of them with your love – it’s almost strangely romantic

Since you’re both autistic, it was super easy to come up with routines that work really well for either of you when you moved in together – that way you never get in each other’s ways or upset one another

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher

Stu has ADHD, so he understands you better than Billy does in this department, but they both put in a lot of effort in knowing what boundaries you have, what they’re supposed to do in which situations, what you struggle with most, etc. – They’re happy to make accommodations for you

Sometimes Stu’s current hyperfixation is something in the realm of one of your special interests and so you just talk back and forth about it for hours, which can drive Billy a little insane, but he secretly loves just how passionate you two get, while he’s just sitting between you two and watching you go on about topic XYZ

If anyone at school or college thinks they have the right to mock you and these two witness it, or you tell them about it, you can be certain to not see that person ever again

They never make you feel weird or embarrassed about your stims, interests, or specific ways to do things – it’s who you are and they love everything about you, especially the things that others usually didn’t

Just like Asa, they are ready to help you out and provide for you, when you’re suffering from intense sensory overload – you’ve walked them through what is best for you in such situations and they’re really good at following what you said

Meltdowns, too – you’re never made to feel ashamed; they never treat you any differently and just let you ride it all out, as they comfort you afterwards and tell you that it’s alright

Even though they’re both very social, they never force you into situations you’re uncomfortable with and make sure you’re okay whenever you do come along to house parties, or meeting with several people at once – if you need to leave, they’ll go with you and comfort you if needed

Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull

You tell him that you’re autistic pretty early on, and while he didn’t know too much beforehand, he does his research and lets you tell him how it affects you, etc.

He is incredible, really – he lets you infodump about your interests and engages in it via signing or texting you what he thinks; he is genuinely interested in whatever you have to say and admires your passion and the way your entire face lights up when you get to talk about something so important to you

He might not understand your sensory issues entirely, but he doesn’t judge you for them either – he gladly accommodates you in whatever way you need

He buys you stim toys you’ve been eyeing, but couldn’t afford by yourself; and he generally doesn’t make you feel bad about your stims and behaviours

In case you tell him about the ableist things people have told you before, and how they might have mocked you for things you can’t help, he gets angry on your behalf (he may target some of these people next, too – just for good measure)

If you happen to have a meltdown in his presence, he makes sure to not agitate you more; instead he assures you of his presence and comforts you when you need it – if you’re okay with cuddles and kisses, he’ll primarily use those to calm you down when the worst is over

He never gets in the way of your routines and always makes certain you can pursue them properly – he doesn’t want to cause you any distress

Whenever you may lash out because of sensory overload, he doesn’t take it personally or get mad at you; instead he asks what is causing the overload and accommodates you – especially in public; he’ll remove you from wherever you may be at that moment and comforts you to help you come down from it

[thegingeralien]

Thought I might share my “doing homework with adhd” tips in case the might help even just one person (because that would make me feel happy).

Who am I to be giving you advice? Good point! I am still terrible at studying and I’m 26 and at University for the millionth time. But I have studied A LOT in my 22 years of schooling with varying degrees of success.

I see a lot of people, especially teenagers or first year university/college students, with ADHD asking for tips on how to study. But if you do a google search most of the websites and advice that comes up can be extremely ableist. So I hope I can help someone!

TIPS TO HELP YOU STUDY WHEN YOU HAVE AN ADHD GREMLIN BRAIN!:

1. Chewing gum!

- This might come across as a weird one, but it has actually really helped me. I use it as a form of stimming to help keep me focused and concentrating. Other forms of stimming can potentially end up being more of a distraction when you actually need to be reading or writing - but they can help if you just need to be listening. Try not to get a bubble gum or fun flavoured one though - as they can end up making your mouth feel dry, lose flavour quickly, and just give your brain way too many sensory things to become distracted with.

2. Buying colour coded stationary!

- New stationary can make me really excited to start studying, but that excitement never lasts long and the act of buying stationary can sometimes become it’s own hobby. That’s not what we are going for here. I really recommend, especially if you are a visual learner like me, to buy colour coded stationary. This means removable page markers, different coloured post it notes, highlighters, sometimes even pens. This way if your mind jumps from one topic to the other, it doesn’t matter. Go with the flow. Forcing your ADHD gremlin brain to focus can be extremely counter intuitive. So pick a colour for each topic, and stick to that system to find organisation among your own chaos!

3. Buy a really cheap, boring year diary with hardly any writing inside.

- Not sure if your school/university has their own diary but they can be perfect for what I am on about. Generally you can find them for really cheap, soft cover, no writing or designs within the dates. Just dates, days, weeks and lines where you can write your homework. This helped me a lot in High School. I wish I had kept doing it in University, but I am good with giving advice, and not so much with taking it. I used to decorate the outside of it however I wanted. Some years I would redecorate the same diary every semester. In the public holidays or holiday days I would colour those lines in with different highlighters to make it look like a rainbow. But every assignment due date, homework, draft, rewrite, form I had to bring back, library book due date, school activity days, ANYTHING to do with school I would write in there with reminds and check lists. Important due dates would be highlighted, general homework and daily to do lists t(o help me not leave my assignments to the last minute) would have a tick box beside them (because ticking tick boxes is free dopamine). Try to not put birthdays or fun things in it. This is a small way to stay on track so it helps you actually stay on track with the big things when you’re home.

4. Big whiteboards stuck on the wall where you can’t avoid it.

- This is not something I had in school, but I so wish I did. I have been using this recently to keep on top of house work (as maintaining your own house is tiring) and my small business or other things I really can’t avoid. If I physically write it down (not just in my phone) it psychologically does help you commit it to memory. Again, physically putting a line through a task you just completed is a hecking great rush of dopamine. But the biggest reason I love my white board, I can’t ignore it. It is stuck to the wall and is never out of sight, out of mind. I can’t put my phone or diary down and then refuse to look at it until I’m past the due date. Again, I’m not a perfect person, there are days where I don’t do anything I have written on the white board. But the great thing is, I don’t have to continuously feel like I failure, as I can wipe it all off the next morning or week and start fresh. I also put important things I have to remember that I’m doing during the week so I don’t forget them.

5. Icky Medication.

- I know not everyone wants to be on medication, and I understand. I am not forcing you to. No matter what your opinions are, you lovely gremlin who is still reading this post, regarding medication, you are valid and I respect you. My personal experience with medication has not been the best. I have been misdiagnosed for a severe chunk of my academic life which has seen me trying to focus and maintain school work under some even worse states then I am unmedicated! However, since receiving my diagnosis and finding the right ADHD medication for me, I have the ability to get so much work done without having to unnecessarily struggle. It’s unfortunately not magic, it will not turn me into a robot that makes me do work and turn out incredible, noble peace prize winning assignments (as much as I wish that were possible). I still have the ability to be a lump, doom scrolling through tumblr, forgetting to eat, and ignoring responsibilities. But it really helps me when I sit down and start that thing that isn’t fun. Yesterday it helped me hyperfocus on cleaning my office which was a terrifying room to be in. So it’s pretty close to magic in my opinion!

6. Accessing Disability Support at your place of learning.

- Not all of you taking the time to read this will have either a) an offical diagnosis or b) a good disability support available to you wherever you are completing your studies. And that is okay. This dot point just won’t be for you right now. But keep it in mind for a time when it might apply to you, as it’s something I never thought I would need, but will never take for granted ever again.

- If you have an offical diagnosis and Disability Support, make an appointment with the disability support adviser. DO IT NOW! Get your psychiatrist to write a diagnosis letter outlining that you have <enter superpower that makes you hilarious here> and that you are receiving <enter x,y,z treatment here> and that you would benefit from receiving <enter what you have always wished you had on the days you can’t make your ADHD gremlin brain do the thing here>. Now these benefits can be, but not limit to: automatic extensions on ALL assignments, extra time on exams, extra breaks to walk around while taking exams, special consideration when marking assignments, my university allows me to take exams in a separate room with only the other students in my subject who also have disability support (occasionally I have taken an exam alone with only a tutor present) so I don’t get distracted, permission to take fidget items into class or exam (I have the option to wear headphones, as long as I can display that they are not connected to anything). Maybe you can come up with some great ones for you with your disability advisor or your psychiatrist.

- The disability advisor will often go through your course outline with you at the start of each semester or year. This is annoying and a great time for disassociating, but can be useful in hindsight because you are made aware of everything that will come up during your class so you are not surprised. Because lets be honest, it is unlikely you are going to look at the course calendar too often.

- Side Note: I make an appointment every semester with my disability support officer for my area of study to make sure I have my special considerations for the year. Now I may go through the whole year without ever using my considerations. However, the fact that I know they are there takes an insane amount of pressure off of myself. If I’m having an insanely screwy loony tune mental health moment, I can email my coordinator my disability plan and say I need an extension due to personal reasons, and WHOOP, there it izzzzz.

7. Dedicated one thing or a few things that have nothing to do with food/alcohol/other substances to reward yourself with for doing the thing!

- This may not work for everyone. It doesn’t always work for me. I used to reward myself with food, but that only reinforced my stimming with overeating and my already bad relationship with food. And I feel as though that would be the same with any other substance that can be linked with addiction. (Addiction is a tough word, cause what aren’t I addicted to, I have ADHD, but hopefully you get what I mean!).

-Now, boring try and not choose this aside, lets think of somethings that work really well as rewards!

- My partner likes to come give me a kiss and a hug when ever they have written and reread a paragraph, you might buy a book when you get a really good mark, you might want to go make a cup of tea and watch an episode of your hyperfixation after studying for <enter a good period of time here>, you might allow yourself to partake in an activity you usually do while procrastinating (but at least this time you know you aren’t putting something off), talk to someone who you know will tell you they are proud of you as they understand the mental struggle you go through to concentrate (if you can’t think of anyone, it is 110% okay if that person are the amazing people on tumblr or the adhd tumblr chats. We will freaking pop a bottle of champagne for you cause we get it!).

- Try and make what ever you choose be something in a different room or away from your working space. Getting out can really calm you down.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

- This is true for anything, but I don’t mean just asking your teacher to give you extra help understanding the task and marking rubric. Many people online, tutors, librarians at your school, past or present students offer assistance rereading and making small edits (they won’t make it magical unfortunately) to your assignments. If you are like me and once you have written or completed the dreaded thing, you can not imagine or force your gremlin brain reread or edit the thing. So it can help to just delegate this to someone else, who hasn’t read it before, so they won’t disassociate or skim read it. They will often notice things you never would have even if you were neurotypical as that is just what happens when you have been working on something for so long.

9. Repetitive music.

- It generally helps if this has no lyrics. Lo-fi is amazing. Classical is alright too if it works for you, but both my partner and I agree that it can really assist you to keep up pace and focus when the beat is a high and repetitive (almost meditative) tempo.

10. Limit your screen space.

- This is a tip completely from my partner @dr-adhd who also has ADHD, is an avid PC gamer and is consistently in a battle with their gremlin brain to focus on completing their PhD. They have discovered that it really helps them to limit their screen space - simply put, work on one screen only. They have done more work more easily when they have their one screen on their laptop to focus on. Whereas their office has multiple screens so they could be playing runescape, watching YouTube, listening to lo-fi and doing work - which never worked (shocking right hahaha).

11. At the risk of sounding like a Mum... Put your phone and other electronics other than the assignment necessary one, away.

- I am a Mum, but to a fluffy puppy dog, so I hate to sound like my Mum when I was in high school, but she was right. Mobiles are the single easiest and biggest distraction in ADHD history. I often, even at coffee shops, have to turn my phone over so that I am not consistently looking at it every time the screen lights up to say the pizza place has sent me a coupon, or a carpet place that has been having a sale since I was born is... still having a sale, or a friend from school wants you to watch this TikTok. Even though you might not want to ignore your friends, because people pleasing, difficulting making/keeping friends and RSD are hecking real things, but they can all wait. Trust me, none of them are urgent. That TikTok will still be funny in an hour or two. And I’m probably completely right when I say that whomever just messaged you, never replies as quickly as you want them too. So I doubt they are going to think twice if you are MIA to finish your thing.

My partner or I might add to this later, but at the moment I already know that I probably wouldn’t read this wall of words if I was the one reading it, so if you are still with me, THANK YOU and I really hope I might have helped you. Sorry for the mound of words, but maybe you can reblog, screen shot, or save this and read a dot point at a time or refer to it when you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I promise what ever it is, I’ve asked the same thing once in my life or something MUCH stupider.

[palmett-hoes]

We Need To Talk About Kevin

excuse the silly title, but it’s time for another long character analysis, this time on a character who holds a complicated place in the fandom consciousness: kevin

like every other character in aftg, i have a lot of criticisms for the way that the fandom tends to characterize kevin, because i feel like it tends to reduce a very complicated character down into very binary terms, that of either anal-retentive comic relief or a perfect, underappreciated innocent, both of which ignore his important flaws and the nuance of his character arc throughout the trilogy

now this meta is probably going to sound very, very critical of kevin, as i am focusing on his flaws. but i want to be clear that i don’t hate kevin, i don’t even dislike him. in fact i far prefer the deeply “problematic” kevin from canon to the highly sanitized version in the fandom, just like i prefer my andrew violent and unethical, my neil rude and messy, and my upperclassmen ableist and permissibly homophobic

one thing i really LOVE about aftg is how hypocritical every character is, because it’s honest. they all stand for something but fall a little flat of it in practice. they all hold the people around them to standards they don’t hold themselves to

they’re not simple characters. they reflect their trauma in ways that are not pretty or harmless, and they even reflect wider societal flaws that may not be logical or justifiable.

just like i do.

just like you do.

just like real people do.

---

so with that all squared away: kevin

let’s start with this: what is the essence of kevin’s character? what does he stand for? what is he about? when you simplify him out into a single idea, what is he?

answers will vary, but for me, kevin is an analysis of the idea that you can have everything, you can be rich and famous and talented and immensely lucky on top of it all, and you can still be abused

neil repeats this idea over and over. how he’s jealous of kevin. how he resents kevin. how he wishes he were kevin. because kevin had everything and neil had nothing

remember this?

and this?

and this?

kevin the star. kevin the sensation. kevin the media darling.

lucky kevin, talented kevin, beloved kevin

and then neil gets a little bit closer and learns that that’s not the whole story. kevin was isolated, his worth tied to his performance, his whole personhood tied to exy. the perfect boy who was forbidden from being too perfect, who had to walk on eggshells so as not to incur the wrath of his brother and guardian

but at the same time that doesn’t totally erase everything he did have

i think the fandom focuses a lot on kevin’s inferiority complex from being assigned second best, and not nearly as much on the idea that kevin was SECOND BEST, above everyone else

the fact that kevin had power and sway in the nest makes us deeply uncomfortable, because it complicates kevin’s status as a victim, but it’s the truth. kevin was the third most powerful person in the nest, above dozens of ravens, and not even an owned person like jean

we should attempt to reckon with the fact that kevin was not a passive player in the ravens’ power structure, but someone who was actively involved and benefited from it. the ravens were his pawns, too. his subordinates, there to critique and punish as he saw fit. they weren’t his equals and he didn’t have to view them as fellow people

even if you choose not to believe that kevin took advantage of this power in the way riko did, you still have to accept that it very much shaped his perception and way of connecting with others, which is obvious in how he interacts with the foxes

so let’s talk about kevin and his superiority complex

kevin is arrogant, self-centered, and entitled

it’s not all he is. he has other, better qualities. he’s dedicated, passionate, and - in his own way - caring. that doesn’t ERASE his flaws however

kevin believes himself to be correct 100% of the time. he thinks that his methods and his opinions should work for everyone simply because they work for him, and he tries heavily to push them onto other people. andrew remarks that neil will drive himself crazy trying to do things the way kevin tells him to, because he is simply a different kind of player than kevin. kevin’s methodology will never work for neil no matter how hard he tries and will just end up holding himself back if he keeps trying

andrew notices this, not kevin, because kevin believes that neil is simply not trying hard enough to do things the “right” way.

neil.

who tries harder than anyone to live up to kevin’s standards

he’s worse with the rest of the foxes, who unlike neil do not accept his methods unquestionably and don’t do backflips to make him happy.

the foxes recognize that kevin is talented and could have valuable things to teach them. kevin however thinks that he should have absolute authority over their training because his methods are “superior.” he thinks the foxes fail because they don’t listen to him and conform their playing styles to him

kevin also only approaches the upperclassmen on the court, and even there only with criticism and derision. he has never made any attempt to befriend them or get to know them in any way. he doesn’t need a rapport with them, he’s entitled to their obedience simply because he’s Kevin Day, The Son of Exy, The Best And Most Talented Of Them All

i’ve also written meta before about the assumptions kevin makes in his relationship with andrew. they have a deal that kevin will give andrew something to live for after he graduates. kevin, being who he is, decides that this thing MUST and WILL be exy, no matter how directly or indirectly andrew tells him this isn’t what he wants.

yet kevin never considers an alternative. he never asks andrew what he might want or never attempts to find anything else for him. they spend nearly every second of every day within arms reach of each other, yet kevin has never taken a moment to pay attention to andrew’s interests or preferences, anything that makes him tick. they know almost nothing personal about each other because kevin doesn’t believe any of that matters in giving andrew a future that makes him want to live. no. if it works for kevin it must work for everyone else. if kevin wants it everyone else must want it too

kevin’s relationships often become exclusionary. first with andrew, which i’ve just discussed. then with neil, kevin continually vies for more and more of his time, without regard for his health or concern for any other part of his life. he leaves neil with minimal time for school, pushes their practices late into the night depriving him of sleep, and discourages his efforts to spend time and make connections with the upperclassmen

now if at any point while reading this you, reader, wanted to argue that these things are because of the nest and kevin’s raven indoctrination, yes, you’re absolutely right, they are. it’s abundantly clear where and how each of these qualities developed, but once again, that doesn’t mean they’re not present. in fact, the clear connection between kevin’s flaws and his trauma is a sign of good character writing, showing the multiple dimensions of how our environments and experiences shape us

kevin’s anxiety, his obsessiveness, and his fear all come from the nest, but so does his condescension, his self-involvement, and his overbearing nature.

kevin was raised in a cult, but he was also from the very highest level of it. he comes from immense privilege in terms of his wealth, his influence, his fame, and his access to resources. materially, kevin has wanted for very little in his life, and his entitlement is very prominent in his character. none of this cancels out the abuse he suffered, but it’s also something i very rarely see addressed outside of being hinted at vaguely in a jokingly dismissive manner.

in fact, i often see takes on kevin that fully deny he has these traits at all, and that annoys me. i don’t like to see these wonderfully round characters flattened out, and there’s a particular irritating irony out of changing or misinterpreting a character’s personality in order to make them more palatable or more sympathetic in a series about how even people traumatized in unsympathetic ways are still deserving of help and decency

so

kevin can be a little morally gray,, as a treat

[itsclydebitches]

Ive blocked like 3 people today for the kylo ren shit takes lmao theyre just trying to start shit. i feel like if you're going to flatten "character who becomes a nazi-allegory space wizard and is proud of it, and then kills his own father on a good vs evil space opera" and "pirate romantic comedy antagonist who doesn't actually achieve his goals even Once and doesn't do anything too far from the moral baseline of the main characters", and then put it in the character tag, you cant be surprised when people ignore you.

Is kylo ren the only popular villian they know (what rock do they live under) or just the one they know scores the most disgust points out of the gate bc of the morality crusade the sw fandom went on over his fangirls??

(Also while I dont like kylo ren bc i found him boring i dont actually care that people like him?? It has 0 impact on my life. What got me out of the sw fandom was all the hate if you shipped any of the main three in the Wrong Way, the kylo stans were a bit annoying sometimes but this is fandom. We're all annoying.)

(I don't even have that much of an opinion on Kylo Ren because my interest in SW is focused almost entirely on the Clone Wars era. I watched the new trilogy once lol.)

I've also seen Snape come up a couple times as a comparison, which is its own can of worms. Honestly, I knew the moment tumblr started diving into Izzy that a lot of other fans would be upset by that focus and I do have sympathy for them because I've been there. I've absolutely been the person standing on the sidelines, feeling left out of many popular conversations, struggling to find kinkmeme prompts I want to fill, all because the community has latched onto a character that makes my skin crawl. It's a sucky situation to be in, but that doesn't mean the rest of the fandom is in the wrong for catering to their preferences. Over the past 2+ months I've watched posting move from playful complaints and semi-private venting to far more serious accusations that equate liking Izzy with some sort of moral failing: as a fan who isn't writing the characters "correctly," as a viewer who isn't reading the show "properly," as a human being who is, supposedly, making a conscious choice to reject the diversity in the show to instead uphold the awful white man, so that makes you racist, homophobic, ableist, etc. And I mean, I knew this would happen because it always happens (RWBY friends, you KNOW it happens)... I just didn't expect it to start really kicking off with Kylo Ren of all things.

Ultimately though I'm an old school fandom granny who subscribes to the general philosophy of "Don't like; don't read." Everyone should be allowed to engage with the canon in the way that makes them happy. You don't like what they're creating? Ignore it! Block freely and without guilt! If you disagree strongly with a fandom stance — as I've done tonight — that should be posted on your personal blog and shared by like-minded folks; don't go throwing yourself into a tag you hate, screaming at those trying to enjoy themselves. Moral crusades against people who like villains/antagonists, or aren't enjoying them in the "right" way, is nothing new, but it never gets any less frustrating to encounter. Plus, despite my description of Izzy's popularity above, this isn't actually a fandom where the "wrong" character has taken over. AO3 has over 4,000 fics for Ed/Stede compared to 500 some for Ed/Izzy (with Lucius/Black Pete coming in before that at 604). I've already reached the point where I'm shaking my head if someone tries to seriously claim that the fandom, as a unified whole, has rejected the loving, diverse, healthy canon relationships for the toxic, white man-focused, fantasy relationships and that makes you a bad person, didn't you know? There's plenty of content for the "right" characters and the "right" ships alongside interest in Izzy. Plus, we can have both! [cue everyone's shocked gasps]. I'm writing a fluffy fake dating au AND a woobified Izzy suffering from hanahaki disease! I guarantee you the world will not end if you let people 'poor little meow meow' a fictional character once in a while.