#also this is a real disorder that real people have. you can like. talk to them. read about their experiences
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Alright, friends, it'sssss
SHITSTORY (SHIT HISTORY) WITH 🌟 SAS 🌟
Before we get into it, I've checked in with OP, and we're going to have a nice, respectful conversation, I don't want anyone sending any crap to OP, from here on out it's sources and discussion, not argument
This post may be a bit jumbled, but I hope it's largely clear
The vast majority of this information has been archived on @pluraldeepdive, we thank them for their service 🙏
So, I think a timeline might be best
Many Voices was a newsletter for pwMPD. It was started in 1989 and you can read all of it!
In 1991, alt.sexual.abuse.recovery was created, and hosted a very large community of CDD systems. In 1994, this usenet group became ASARian incorporated, and it would become host to peer support, web hosting, unix shell accounts, and DID/MPD resources.
Also in 1994, alt.support.dissociation, would go on to become the longest running group for people with dissociative disorders. It's still active today!
I bring these three up because of another post I saw.
1995 is when we start running into problems.
Astraea's web would be the first website to discuss non-disordered plurality. Go and search everything you can, use every search term you can think of, check every archive you can access. I assure you.
It starts with Astraea.
(This conversation does not and will not touch on spiritual and religious plurality as used in the DSM, that's a different conversation that I'm happy to have, but exists outside of the history of endogenic and non-disordered plurality, up until much more recently when it was twisted to infer proof of endogenic plurality (it's not))
Astraea would go on to coin "natural multiplicity" around 1996. They theorized that multiple personalities were not a disorder and occurred spontaneously instead of developing from trauma and dissociation [x] [x]
Astraea was, and still is, one of the biggest names in syscourse. They started the movement and maintained it. What's important at this point in time is specifically what they're saying to and about CDD systems. At first glance, it sounds good, but when you actually look into their sources, when you put it all together, it paints a picture of extreme ableism and saneism. It showcases highly dangerous ideals that has harmed many, and will continue to do so. There are highly credible claims of plagiarism, misattribution, and a strong anti-psychiatry bias on Astraea's Web.
@pluraldeepdive the above link is broken, any chance you can get one that works?
Thank you!! Working link
This is the start of the endogenic community (see 2014, when natural multiple is replaced with endogenic because "natural" implied, often directly by those using the term, that CDD systems were unnatural). The name changed, but the ideas did not. These ideals are ingrained in pro/endo talking points, to the point that many of the plurals I've spoken to don't even realize that what they said hurts.
Natural multiplicity wasn't just about non-disordered plurality, it was actively anti-DID.
Astraea and the natural multiples would go on to boycott the diagnosis and take steps to try to remove it from the DSM. Keep reading, we'll get there.
In 1997, natural multiplicity would morph into a monster. Out of the natural multiplicity movement would spawn the "empowered multiples."
Empowered multiples put a huge focus on functionality and were separate from, what they called, 'survivor multiples'.
Tumblr doesn't like when I try to edit paragraphs with links, so here's dark personalities. It's gross. You won't enjoy.
I'm trying to pick some choice quotes, but they all kind of suck, and I can't quote the whole thing, so... this, I suppose.
However, if you were to meet [an empowered multiple] in real time, you probably would not even realize [they] were a multiple because most people expect multiples to be either psychos or sniffling babies who can't handle anything.
They have a very low view of people who find use in the medical model and therapy.
In 1999, MultiGardens formed, but it was short-lived. Shortly after, the person who originally coined empowered multiplicity would make a statement that it was never meant to exclude survivors and they hadn't meant to cause so much conflict. Despite saying that, they continued to bash survivors and those who wanted fusion and therapy.
In the early 2000s, things take a sharp turn for the worse. The push to separate plurality from CDDs starts with Astraea. This is the article you linked, and we've barely started. We still have 20 years to go.
I highly suggest you give this post a read about Dr. Allison and the way Astraea presents the article.
It's at this point that natural multiplicity becomes a "movement." The purpose of this movement was to establish that plural experiences were not pathological. Participants in this movement often insisted that childhood trauma or abuse could not cause plurality or multiplicity.
Even today, the plural association continues to push that pwCDDs are just looking for someone to blame for something they already had (that they were multiple prior to abuse and would have been multiple without it-- with heavy implication that we're simply broken versions of endogenic systems that hate ourselves because we're pluralphobic. No really. That's the entire article.).
The problem is that those in the movement adopted the DID diagnosis despite acknowledging that it wasn't what they were experiencing (or could it be that plurality and CDDs are two different things?), and rather than talk about it, they just took to boycotting the diagnosis as a whole.
And they thought that the medical terminology was dehumanizing and derogatory, and rather than create new words, they just continued to encourage everyone to boycott the diagnosis as a whole.
I'm just going to quote PDD directly here.
Psychotherapy for DID was also denounced despite many participants never receiving such treatment. For example, the Astraea group had stated they were not diagnosed and had never been to therapy at the time [4:"Is it possible to know or discover that you are a multiple without ever having been diagnosed by a professional?" section]. Yet, on an essay encouraging the boycott of diagnostic labels, Astraea claimed that "[a]s a diagnosis, MPD/DID does not help multiples in the long run. Doctors and insurance companies make $$$ off us but are WE helped?" [3:"Removing Diagnostic Labels" section].
Discourse and REAL political activism to remove DID from the DSM continued for the next TEN YEARS. I highly suggest this post and this one for seeing what Astraea was up to, with screenshots and direct links.
Ah, fuck, this one, too.
We haven't talked about the misinformation yet. I don't know that I can cover all of it. It would take an entire blog-- oh. Pluraldeepdive exists!
None of this even touches on Lancers or Pavillion-- the cruelest of the entire natural and empowered multiples.
Wait, is that the layman's guide you're trying to link to?
The one created by these guys?
Why yes, it is.
The association between non-disordered plurality and the natural multiplicity movement was solidified, and the damage was done. "The primary messages given by the non-disordered multiples [...] is that multiple personality is not a disorder and the anti-survivor message that multiplicity is natural and not caused by abuse." [X]
In 2014, endogenic was coined, as mentioned above, to be less offensive. The past was never addressed and buried. People deny all of this happened.
For a large chunk of the community, endogenic then became synonymous with the movement, with all the same issues as before. Just with a nicer name.
And here we are, in this great year of 2024, linking to Astraea.
This post is directly adjacent to this entire conversation-- plurality being coined as the anti psych alternative to multiple, and how everyone is going back to multiple again so we can do the whole song and dance one more time.
I think... that's it??
Violently slamming the fact that DID and other "Dissociative Disorders" related to Plurality were made by Ableist doctors who believed in "False Memories" and had MANY patients come out about being abused and/or the Integration forced upon them causing them to be unable to function due to the lack of their Headmates
Anyways, please read This, I feel it helped give a lot of light on why you honestly shouldn't bother interacting much with 'Anti-endos' and 'Sysmeds'
I know we posted the link before but certain,, posts keep popping up on our dashboard.
(The link outside of text: https://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/allison.html)
Also, for anyone who does read that I feel the need to say (if the information does actually reach you): Do NOT be ashamed at using the term DID for yourself, or anything mentioned to be "Bad" in that text. If you can go without using it, obviously it could be great if you would, but if it's the most comfortable term for you then you're under no obligation to stop using it for others comfort. Same goes for plenty of other stuff.
Also: Go check out the other plural post we made, Specifically the one mention Layman's Guide To Multiplicity. (Though, if you can't find it, here's the Link) ((Note: The website doesn't load very well on Mobile, so you may have trouble reading it on a phone. It's still able to be read, but it may feel a bit annoying))
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Ldpdl need some friends he ain't fuckin or kin with and bad. Like real bad
#he need a 9-5 so he can make an 73 year old friend named otis#interview with the vampire#smth about having a real old ass work friend just make you normal in the head in a way that therapy dont#je also dont need to work cus hes the disordered peoples princess but i digress#he need a secretary job so he dont start biting walls and talking about metaphors#louis de pointe du lac#iwtv#amc iwtv#ldpdl#like its crazy he really aint got no friends he not like me fr#like he got lestat but that nigga crazy in a bad way#and armand is crazy in a neutral way. a Neurodivergent way#he need to go be a cashier at the walmart a couple miles out that would fix him#i genuinely think if ldpdl worked an office job or night shift at a wendys hed be 87% less like that cus the fumes from regular hoes#would make him immediately less self absorbed#itd be like smelling salts but for rich redbones#like i need him to hear from a chatty but ultimately well meaning office gossip in a break room so bad#like he need to know that people got problems#also i think hed like the human interactions. itd be like cat videos to him#he need to go to night school#he need a trade. he need to go to electrician school. truly anything that aint hanging with them crazy ass people#he need to be like every black woman i know and get so many advanced degrees
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I haven't seen this take a WHOLE lot, but I have seen it enough to get. Frustrated. About it.
So for anyone who doesn't get it: no, symptoms of mental illness are not, in every case, majorly or solely the result of Dealing With Capitalism. Sometimes, they can be! Sometimes the symptoms are situational, and those situations are heavily related to how much capitalism sucks! But many times they are not. I am sorry, but mental illness and trauma and neurodivergence are still going to exist even if capitalism completely goes away. We still have a responsibility to treat the people affected by and experiencing these things with compassion and understanding. We still have to. You know. Acknowledge that their life experience is going to be a lot different than many other's is.
#I promise that when my ocd onset happened at 10 years old I was not thinking about capitalism#germs are still going to exist post-capitalism. the concept of a good person vs a bad person is still going to exist post-capitalism#which means. if those are your OCD Themes���. then. you're still going to have OCD post-capitalism.#and this is true for. you know. EVERY INSTANCE OF THIS.#you take things that are rooted in trauma like did or ptsd. I hate to tell you this but mistreatment and the trauma that results from it#are still going to exist in a post-capitalist world. bad people who do bad things WILL ALWAYS EXIST. so those illnesses are likewise still#going to exist. plenty of anxiety-based symptoms are related to fears that. have nothing to do with capitalism or financial security.#they are DISPROPORTIONATE REACTIONS. THAT IS THE POINT.#if someone has anxiety that isn't completely situational. or if someone has paranoia. that disproportionate fear does not have to#have capitalism to exist. meaning. you know. those will ALSO still exist.#adhd and autism have nothing to fucking do with capitalism lmao.#the existence of. for example. schizophrenia and psychosis HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH CAPITALISM????????#like. we can talk about how much easier it would be for people to get care/accommodations under a non-capitalist system. we can talk about#how divorcing personal worth from the concept of 'productivity' would help the people who experience the things I've mentioned.#I'm not disputing that. but I've seen...a not-insignificant number of people downplay or outright DENY the existence of these#illnesses/experiences outside of 'languishing under the pressure of capitalism/tying your worth to productivity/worrying about financial#security' and that is simply not how it works my friends!#tw: suicidal ideation#like. sorry. I did not seriously consider killing myself at age 10 to escape The Disorder™ for you to tell me that all my issues with this#illness would go away forever if capitalism stopped existing LOL!! LMAO EVEN!!!!!#In the Vents#the real horror was the ableism we found along the way
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The cool thing about a horror movie that takes place in a mental hospital and, shockingly, actually turns out to be on the side of mentally ill people is that it avoids all the common disgusting pitfalls of mocking, demonizing, and infantilizing mentally ill people.
The downside is
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
[It's much scarier.]
#original#smile movie#smile 2022#I'm literally two scenes in#it could definitely become ableist by the end of the movie but I'm kind of obsessed so far?#like nothing is scarier to me than the lack of quality help and validation available to victims of trauma! and this movie is LEANING INTO IT#which is way scarier and also way truer and more important to talk about than a looney bin filled with lunatics who want to murder you#like that's literally a concept based solely on people's ableist fears.#same with horror movie monsters that are just people with facial deformities or congenital disorders or just... people who are poor#(the hillbilly cannibal trope is just MAN POOR PEOPLE ARE SCARY HUH. it's garbage.)#what's ACTUALLY a horror is the way these people are treated! and that INCLUDES how they are portrayed in media!#because guess what? ghosts aren't real and an abandoned mental hospital can't hurt you#but you know what can? a doctor who doesn't believe you. a system built on neglect. THAT'S the horror we need to talk about.#and THAT is why I am going to have to watch this movie in short installments over a few days#and let me be clear: i am alive today bc of a mental hospital's IOP/PHP program. i stopped being suicidal after YEARS bc of that program#mental hospitals CAN and SHOULD be GOOD THINGS ACTUALLY. but in countries with shitty healthcare that's very hard to find.#it is also why it is my life's work to build a treatment center that PROVES we can do this ethically and with compassion#life is worth living#and the American Healthcare industry can die just the same as any other giant or dragon. empires have fallen before. it is not immortal.#YOU reading this matter. stay safe. please. it isn't the end yet. i love you.
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controversial opinion perhaps but i kinda hate when youtubers, esp ones with a large audience, pull armchair psychology on villainous or clearly negative characters, when they don't have the disorders they're talking about or some background in psychology or at least talking to someone who has it to make sure what they're saying is relevant. it kinda feels like it adds to the constant demonization of these disorders (like. going "this character is bipolar because they killed someone on a whim" is Not Great to say the least) without any regard to how it affects the real people who live with them
#forever gonna hate matpat for the handsome jack bpd video lol. bro shut the fuck up 😔#(and I'm saying this as someone who loves jack yeah? but i don't think diagnosing him with bpd is a good thing to do.)#(also clarifying i love villainous characters idc abt fictional morals esp when they're grey etc but surely you can see the problem here)#not getting into youtubers who diagnose REAL PEOPLE with disorders bc that's a whole other can of worms#here I'm talking abt how perception of certain disorders in fiction can affect ppl's perception of real ppl with these disorders#and it's one thing for a creator to use this as an exploration of some disorder#or for a person who has it to see themselves in that character#or for someone with actual background and education in the topic to do it (like that counseling student who makes p5r vids for example)#these things are perfectly fine. or at least not as bad even if they're not done in the most nuanced way#when it's someone with no relation to the topic on any way who does it they tend to base things on stereotypes#or just follwing the dsm definition word for word without nuance or checking how things affect real people#like man at least consult someone 😔 at least one person (preferably more but that's the bare minimum) 😔#or move on! you don't have to make this video at all! 😬#......sorry for the rant lol i am filled with anger today.
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Putting this in it's own post to not detract but like. There is no such thing as sugar addiction.
If you aren't eating carbs/sugars, your body craves those things because it needs them. Your body depends on sugar for energy, and if you aren't consuming enough you're going to crave it so that you eat and correct the deficiency, just like with anything else your body needs.
If you are eating carbs/sugars regularly, especially if it feels like you can never get enough of them and it feels like you're addicted, please get checked out for diabetes mellitus.
What diabetes mellitus boils down to is the body being unable to process sugar, either because it doesn't make insulin (type 1) or because it can't use the insulin it makes (type 2). Insulin is a hormone the body needs in order to use the sugar in your blood. This leads to high blood sugar levels, weight gain, being thirsty often/drinking a lot of water, and frequent urination, because the body can't get the sugar out of the bloodstream so either stores it as fat or gets rid of it in urine (and has you drink a lot of water to make that happen).
Diabetics don't crave sugar because they're addicts who can't get control of themselves, they crave sugar because their body desperately needs it but is struggling to use what they're giving it, because it's having issues with insulin.
Going in for a diabetes diagnosis can be scary and stressful, usually due to the stigma and fatphobia/fatshaming diabetes patients often have to deal with. A lot of people are uneducated about diabetes and see it as a punishment for eating unhealthily, and if you have or have had this view in the past it can be really upsetting and scary to think that you might be diabetic. Despite what the stigma may have led you to believe, diabetes is often in large part genetic, and people who are predisposed to it can have it triggered by anything from stress to covid to seemingly nothing at all. But even if you did cause your diabetes or make it worse by eating a lot of sugar/carbs, you deserve compassion and you deserve care, you deserve accurate information about how your body does/doesn't work, and you deserve treatment free from judgement and blame.
Diabetes is manageable, it is something you can live with. Diet and exercise can help, but in the long term even folks who've made lifestyle changes usually need medication, because lifestyle changes don't change the fact that your body is struggling to make/use insulin.
For something relatively common, diabetes isn't well understood by most people, and the actual symptoms of it are often overlooked because of that. Hunger even after eating, especially after eating carbs/sugar, and constantly craving carbs/sugars, was what led my doctor to assess me for diabetes, so if that's something you struggle with please consider looking into diabetes.
#sugar addiction#diabetes#diabetes mellitus#disclaimer I'm not a doctor and this is my understanding of things after talking to my doctors#didn't want to detract from the person complaining about people talking about having sugar addiction on their posts#about being an addict#but also as someone who has experienced strong urges to eat sugar/carbs no matter how much I ate#and later found out it was a symptom#I wanted to make this in case there are people who are unaware that an insatiable craving for carbs/sugar can be a symptom#there's also a lot more symptoms than what I put in here#like yes it's the struggles with blood sugar disorder but it also can include things like nerve damage causing vision loss and nerve pain#so if you might be diabetic it's important to at least research it even if you don't go to a doctor#due to things like the fact that nerve damage can mean you don't notice infections/issues with your feet until they're real bad#fun fact: having diabetes is one of the most common causes/contributing factors for foot amputations#it can also lead to cardiovascular issues#Diabetic ketoacidosis is also a thing#if I understand correctly it's when your body burns fat instead of sugar which releases acidic ketones into your bloodstream#but when there's too many ketones in your blood it gets too acidic which causes problems and can be deadly#as in I know someone who almost died from it because he didn't know that his being diabetic could lead to that#I know the stigma is awful and that people can be horrible about it but please take care of yourself if you are or might be diabetic
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having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.
#HEADS UP: this accidentally turned into a huge rant/vent feel free to get the hell out el oh el#i try reallly hard not to talk about it too much here because you can. offhandedly mention the mere concept of did or osdd or any#dissociative disorder and its like. people will not shut up about how its not real or how its people being delusional or kids being cringe#like. can we go. two seconds without treating people with mental disorders like a spectacle. please. you dont have to have a ''take'' on it#idk and i also avoid online did communities bc theyre the most exhausting spaces you can ever be in and theres constant fighting about#literally anything and everything. like. maybe i would like to find a space to meet other people with similar experiences to my own.#and we dont get that!! we literally cannot get that. and this goes for a lot of mental health related stuff but like my god#and im very lucky to have other people i know in real life who also have did so i can in some amount have that support system (hah.)#but it is EXHAUSTINGG that people cannot go literally a day without saying something stupid about systems#or i can be following someone for years and unprompted they will saysomething heinous thing about did and hide it behind something like#get a load of how weird and cringey kids are getting online these days.#and CHRISTT thats a whole OTHER issue i REALLY dont wanna talk about because it has its own whole set of nuances but like jeeeesus#is it really so hard for people to grasp that brains when exposed to traumas at a young age will be affected by it in weird ways.#idk man ive been seeing a lot of offhanded disregard for systems recently and it's so normalized and it's starting to get to me i guess#i wish people could just go well this is something i dont understand and dont need to have an opinion on and move on with their lives.#what the hell ever this is all to say having did has impacted my life in a lot of complicated and intricate and hard to explain ways and it#sometimes painful and awful but other times is an incredible experience and ALSO. most IMPORTANTLY !#i should be able to make jokes about BEING FRIENDS with SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!! in REAL LIFE!!!#and not have to deal with SUICIDE BAIT IN MY INBOXX BECAUSE OF IT!!!#WHATEVERRR !!! RANT OVARRR I HAVE NOODLES TO MAKE AND EAT#.... WITH my friend SHADOW!!!#.txt#and btw this isnt about anyone ik here so dont worry im not upset with any mutuals etc etc and all that.#in fact i love getting the chance to chat about it n it can be fun to teach stuff to people who know how to like...be normal about it LOL#<3
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ok side rant before i go back to sillyposting
i hate how someone will post something that’s about a certain disorder and all the reblogs are “omg i do this therefore i must have this disorder” because it’s like. GOD. YES YOU CAN FEEL GUILTY OR ANXIOUS BECAUSE A TUMBLR POST MADE YOU FEEL BAD. DOES IT INFECT YOUR ENTIRE BEING AND SEEP INTO EVERYTHING YOU DO AND RUIN YOUR LIFE TO THE POINT YOU CANNOT FUNCTION? NO? ok then maybe stop saying you have 500 billion disorders after reading one (1) tumblr post online
i’m all for self diagnosing if it’s RESEARCHED not just “oh shit i do that” because newsflash! behavioural patterns in disorders can also be shared with neurotypical people! its not black and white! the difference is how badly this shit fucks you up
god. okay i’ll stop now i’m just irritated
#i’m not accusing everyone online who has 40 billion self disgnosed disorders of faking it#i know it’s possible to have like 9 billion disorders because fun fact: i have been diagnosed with a fuckton of shit!#and if you’re wondering why i specify diagnosed its bc people will not believe me or think i’m making shit up because of ppl who do this#you dont have to be diagnosed but i do bc my brain wont let me not be disgnosed#to me diagnosis makes it real. FOR ME. it’s the ocd talking i know#anyways#i just get irritated at anxiety disorder erasure#yeah people with ocd tend to also have anxiety disorders and the two can coexist#but chances are a lot of the people worried they have ocd actually just have anxiety disorders#but no one takes anxiety disorders seriously and thus you have people jumping to self diagnosing ocd#it just makes anxious people more anxious and theres just a lot of cans of worms here#ok i’ll stop now
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[ID: two screencaps of tags from dark mode
First Image: tags from ×-caliber reading “#guys it's called UNRELIABLE NARRATING all caps: unreliable narrating] # shes NOT [all caps: not] evil #jonny just views her in a certain light" Second Image: tags from ceaseless-ramblerand x-caliber.
Tags from ceaseless-rambler read "#this is such a hard fucking poll because do you love her or hate her' the answer is YES [all caps: yes] #she's great but the fucking morality switch destroys me every time i think about it because. morality switch. what the fuck. #but also. gestures wildly in her direction. you understand? #doctor carmilla #the mechanisms."
Tags from x-caliber read '#prev has a great elaboration actually #bevause i answered thinking only about the unreliable narration that made people think she's evil #but i didn't actually think as far about her ACTIONS [all caps: actions] #now i do think that she had good intentions with the morality switch #that doesn't make it any less fucked up however"
End ID]
Okay in regards to this poll I'm going to do some Doc Carmilla analysis because I don't like having back and forth conversations in tags. This is long, I couldn't really find a way to cut it down
The biggest thing that fucks me up about her is Brian's morality switch. The concept of a morality switch at all is horrifying to me, taking that control away from someone. Brian's about page on the mechanisms website says the reasoning was because Doctor Carmilla found it "amusing" which. Makes me hate it even more. @x-ca1iber pointed out the fact that Jonny is an unreliable narrator, which is a good point. However, I doubt Jonny wrote everyone's bio and I don't think either morality mode would really let Brian lie about it, lying is wrong and I can't come up with ends that would justify it. Brian could be wrong about reasoning, of course, but I'm not sure why he would be. Because a lot of that second half is speculation, *please* let me know if there's anything to agree or disagree with any of it.
The two other things that make me not willing to chalk all of anti-Doctor Carmilla sentiment up to unreliable narration and character misinterpretation are the end of this video and near the end of Lashings. The first video shows Jonny cut the music and, sounding somewhat frantic, ask Carmilla what she's going to do about being thrown out the airlock. When she doesn't respond, he backs away and accuses her of planning something. This is something that isn't attributable to unreliable narration because the premise there isn't that it's a retelling but an actual event occurring. Also, the way Jonny is on edge, expecting her to do something but not knowing what/when and having to just kind of act like it's fine really makes me read it as a bad relationship for him. The end of the Lashings performance shows Nastya stressed about various other things and Doctor Carmilla coming up behind her and hugging her. Nastya visibly tenses and remains as such for the entire interaction. I've seen people argue that this was due to the aforementioned various other things, and it could very much be that! This is definitely my least compelling piece of evidence. But it's worth noting that Doctor Carmilla doesn't back off from the hug and remains sort of in Nastya's face until Nastya steps away. The situation is either Nastya being generally uncomfortable with physical contact at that moment (or in general) and Carmilla not caring, or Nastya being distrustful of her in general. Either way doesn't reflect well on their relationship.
None of this is to say that I think she's trying to cause them harm. She does see them as her kids, in her own way. The only other close relationship she had that I'm aware of is Lorelai (please let me know if you have any more information on this! I'm always open to corrections) and that wasn't exactly healthy. She could very well not know any other way to treat them, and I really do think she meant well. The problem with meaning well is that is doesn't change the ramifications of your actions. The best of intentions don't change the fact that you hurt people. This is, in my opinion, especially prominent in parental figures, which she is.
That is all about her as a person, though. As a character? She's fantastic. Trans lesbian vampire scientist with dubious ethics? Great!!! And all of the things I just talked about that make me dislike her as a person make me love her as a character. That disparity is what makes it really hard to answer the poll I linked at the beginning, because holy fuck morality switch but I love her as a character
Tags that inspired this under the cut
#carmilla is an interesting character#she is not ‘good’ morally. carmilla for sure did things wrong#it REALLY bothers me when i see people claiming that fans who dont like carmilla dont like her because the mechs are lying about her and-#that she actually was a wonderful maternal figure.#she took autonomy away from brian. whether the intentions were good or not thats still hugely fucked up#i dont think its possible for any one to give informed consent to immortality. afaik she got consent from some of them. but the whole-#premise is kinda fucked to begin with.#plus the aspect of then creating an everlasting mother-child relationship where the child is not really able to grow.#she can have had times she was a good mother while still having times where she was a bad mother and overall removing a someones autonomy-#is bad. i dont have good words to describe how i think forcing someone to be your child for millenia is bad.#also like. brian cant evaluate morals correctly which means he cannot intentionally making good decisions effectively. so she has barred-#him from ever being able to be a ‘good’ person and that sucks.#the thing is like. im biased for certain about this. because i have my own life experiences that influence how i view things. but everyone-#is biased. the people who insist we hate her because we are uninformed about her and the mechs and lying are biased themselves.#im aware that if i didnt have a trauma-caused ‘bad person’ disorder then i may not feel so strongly about this.#i *like* carmilla. i think shes really interesting. but people REALLY need to learn that theh are allowed to like ‘bad’ and ‘grey’-#characters. i would think you could unddrstand that with the mechs but maybe its the tangibility of how it affected the mechs themselves?#they are all grey. they all do bad things. carmilla bothers me because of her specific actions.#i also really loathe brushing off jonnys distaste for her as lying. feels bad.#part of the reason its different for carmilla than how the mechs treat each other is because she has power over them. she made them-#immortal *and* proceeded to position herself as their mother. sorry but if you wanna be the mom im gonna judge you like i would a mom#i like her as a character. i hate her as a person.#the mechanisms#doctor carmilla#blogbot q#spumblr#i know achilles and i have already talked about this and iirc iv talked about it here too. i just really think her actions are fucked and i-#think completely brushing aside those who dont like her because of their experiences is really upsetting to see.#my opinion of carmilla has nothing to do with my opinion of maki. as well. maki is a real person. carmilla is a fictional character.#but then again maybe im taking what other say too seriously.
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Currently getting my socks clean blown off by Rethinking Narcissism, by Dr. Craig Malkin. Which I found, in a roundabout way, from this video on Midsommar, grief, and narcissism.
Tonight I woke up from a nap and accidentally took my morning meds, so I'm going to be up for a few hours because of the meth. In place of sleep, I'll try to roughly sum up some basic ideas proposed by the research the book is based on:
That traits of "narcissism" like entitlement, grandiosity, and feeling special are not inherently toxic. There are times and places they are appropriate and beneficial. If you show up at a hospital with a gunshot wound to the chest, you should not sit and wait to be seen after people with earaches and coughs. (Actually, medical systems are designed to prioritize people with more urgent needs, and you qualify under that system. You are special and are deserving of different treatment than those others, which is why making your needs known, even insisting on it if you're not listened to appropriately the first time, is an extremely good idea. It keeps you from bleeding to death on the floor, and keeps the hospital from getting its pants sued off by your heirs.)
It is more useful to view "narcissism" not as an inherent immutable personality trait, but as a cluster of coping mechanisms. As previously stated, there are times they are exactly the right coping mechanism for the job. However, people we call "narcissists" tend to cling to these ones even when they become detrimental to themselves and others, often because they lack other ways of regulating their emotions and getting their needs met. And that is something they can change, if a person is willing to put in sincere and difficult work. It is not usually fast change; it's a matter of years, not weeks. But a skillbuilding approach turned Borderline Personality Disorder from an immutable curse to a fully treatable (though not quickly treatable) condition, and there's a lot of hope that it can do the same for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Meanwhile, there's an opposite end to the narcissism spectrum, and it is also pathological and destructive to hang out there all the time. It's an aversion, or even a resistance, to expecting yourself or other people to treat your own feelings, thoughts, ideas, needs, or preferences as important. For Greek mythology reasons, its proposed name is Echoism.
Unfortunately, because most of the damage echoism does is, by its very nature, localized to its sufferer and their own personal relationships, its downsides aren't often talked about. In fact, it's often seen as an ideal moral state, a kind of altruism or saintliness everyone should strive for. As a pathological coping mechanism a person is trapped in, though, it's often more a fear-based reflex than a conscious and deliberate attempt to achieve some real and specific good. It's not actually as beneficial as being able to recognize your needs, desires, positive aspects, and areas of competence or excellence, and bring them forward in your relationships with other people and yourself.
To me this has all been a cross between a gut-punch and a cool, sweet drink of water. There have been other ways to describe echoism over the years, but this feels like the most concise and useful one I've seen in ages.
It specifically puts its pin down in the middle of the moral debate a lot of people struggle with—"What right do I have to put myself forward? What hope do I have of being seen and accepted? Isn't it better not to burden anybody else?"—and says that the problem is not feeling in touch with either side of the equation, but specifically, the inability to move from one part of the spectrum to another when it's merited by circumstances.
When I was a child, I thought Echoism was the answer. It was my ideal. I thought it was what would get me the love and acceptance I wanted, and would keep me safe from the pain of rejection or not being understood. I had no idea it would actually, in fact, be the primary cause of alienation and loneliness for the rest of my life.
Now I'm so deeply thankful I couldn't fully achieve it, in practical terms. As hard as I tried to erase myself, there were always things I loved too much to suppress. I still found ways to express and discover myself in the books I read, the stories I wrote, the intellectual work of school and the experience of pursuing hobbies I loved, my ambitions to be helpful even when they demanded I stop being selfless, and the relationships where I felt safe enough to experience love and acceptance even if I didn't think I deserved them.
There's this question I found a while back that echoed in my bones: Who am I allowed to be around you? Because that's what I felt like, as a child. If I wanted to engage with other people and minimize my risk of harm, it was my job to bend into a pretzel and fit the shape they wanted. And thank god, thank god, thank god, I couldn't fully do it. Despite everything, there were parts of me too strong and bright to lop off completely to get my arms and legs inside the carriage. I was able to take care of myself and let them grow in secret until I found social places I could let them out again. Despite myself, I found ways to grow and thrive, well beyond the trauma that said I shouldn't have.
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Where to Start Your Research When Writing a Disabled Character
[large text: Where to Start Your Research When Writing a Disabled Character]
So you have decided that you want to make a disabled character! Awesome. But what's next? What information should you decide on at the early phrase of making the character?
This post will only talk about the disability part of the character creation process. Obviously, a disabled character needs a personality, interests, and backstory as every other one. But by including their disability early in the process, you can actually get it to have a deeper effect on the character - disability shouldn't be their whole life, but it should impact it. That's what disabilities do.
If you don't know what disability you would want to give them in the first place;
[large text: If you don't know what disability you would want to give them in the first place;]
Start broad. Is it sensory, mobility related, cognitive, developmental, autoimmune, neurodegenerative; maybe multiple of these, or maybe something else completely? Pick one and see what disabilities it encompasses; see if anything works for your character. Or...
If you have a specific symptom or aid in mind, see what could cause them. Don't assume or guess; not every wheelchair user is vaguely paralyzed below the waist with no other symptoms, not everyone with extensive scarring got it via physical trauma. Or...
Consider which disabilities are common in real life. Cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, stroke, cataracts, diabetes, intellectual disability, neuropathy, multiple sclerosis, epilepsy, thyroid disorders, autism, dwarfism, arthritis, cancers, brain damage, just to name a few.
Decide what specific type of condition they will have. If you're thinking about them having albinism, will it be ocular, oculocutaneous, or one of the rare syndrome-types? If you want to give them spinal muscular atrophy, which of the many possible onsets will they have? If they have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which one out of the 13 different types do they have? Is their amputation below, or above the knee (it's a major difference)? Not all conditions will have subtypes, but it's worth looking into to not be surprised later. This will help you with further research.
If you're really struggling with figuring out what exact disability would make sense for your character, you can send an ask. Just make sure that you have tried the above and put actual specifics in your ask to give us something to work with. You can also check out our "disabled character ideas" tag.
Here are some ideas for a character using crutches.
Here are some ideas for a character with a facial difference (obligatory link: what is a facial difference?).
If you already know what disability your character is going to have;
[large text: If you already know what disability your character is going to have;]
Start by reading about the onset and cause of the condition. It could be acquired, congenital, progressive, potentially multiple of these. They could be caused by an illness, trauma, or something else entirely. Is your character a congenital amputee, or is it acquired? If acquired - how recently? Has it been a week, or 10 years? What caused them to become disabled - did they have meningitis, or was it an accident? Again, check what your options are - there are going to be more diverse than you expect.
Read about the symptoms. Do not assume or guess what they are. You will almost definitely discover something new. Example: a lot of people making a character with albinism don't realize that it has other symptoms than just lack of melanin, like nystagmus, visual impairment, and photophobia. Decide what your character experiences, to what degree, how frequently, and what do they do (or don't do) to deal with it.
Don't give your character only the most "acceptable" symptoms of their disability and ignore everything else. Example: many writers will omit the topic of incontinence in their para- and tetraplegic characters, even though it's extremely common. Don't shy away from aspects of disability that aren't romanticized.
Don't just... make them abled "because magic". If they're Deaf, don't give them some ability that will make them into an essentially hearing person. Don't give your blind character some "cheat" so that they can see, give them a cane. Don't give an amputee prosthetics that work better than meat limbs. To have a disabled character you need to have a character that's actually disabled. There's no way around it.
Think about complications your character could experience within the story. If your character wears their prosthetic a lot, they might start to experience skin breakdown or pain. Someone who uses a wheelchair a lot has a risk of pressure sores. Glowing and Flickering Fantasy Item might cause problems for someone photophobic or photosensitive. What do they do when that happens, or how do they prevent that from happening?
Look out for comorbidities. It's rare for disabled people to only have one medical condition and nothing else. Disabilities like to show up in pairs. Or dozens.
If relevant, consider mobility aids, assistive devices, and disability aids. Wheelchairs, canes, rollators, braces, AAC, walkers, nasal cannulas, crutches, white canes, feeding tubes, braillers, ostomy bags, insulin pumps, service dogs, trach tubes, hearing aids, orthoses, splints... the list is basically endless, and there's a lot of everyday things that might count as a disability aid as well - even just a hat could be one for someone whose disability requires them to stay out of the sun. Make sure that it's actually based on symptoms, not just your assumptions - most blind people don't wear sunglasses, not all people with SCI use a wheelchair, upper limb prosthetics aren't nearly as useful as you think. Decide which ones your character could have, how often they would use them, and if they switch between different aids.
Basically all of the above aids will have subtypes or variants. There is a lot of options. Does your character use an active manual wheelchair, a powerchair, or a generic hospital wheelchair? Are they using high-, or low-tech AAC? What would be available to them? Does it change over the course of their story, or their life in general?
If relevant, think about what treatment your character might receive. Do they need medication? Physical therapy? Occupational therapy? Orientation and mobility training? Speech therapy? Do they have access to it, and why or why not?
What is your character's support system? Do they have a carer; if yes, then what do they help your character with and what kind of relationship do they have? Is your character happy about it or not at all?
How did their life change after becoming disabled? If your character goes from being an extreme athlete to suddenly being a full-time wheelchair user, it will have an effect - are they going to stop doing sports at all, are they going to just do extreme wheelchair sports now, or are they going to try out wheelchair table tennis instead? Do they know and respect their new limitations? Did they have to get a different job or had to make their house accessible? Do they have support in this transition, or are they on their own - do they wish they had that support?
What about *other* characters? Your character isn't going to be the only disabled person in existence. Do they know other disabled people? Do they have a community? If your character manages their disability with something that's only available to them, what about all the other people with the same disability?
What is the society that your character lives in like? Is the architecture accessible? How do they treat disabled people? Are abled characters knowledgeable about disabilities? How many people speak the local sign language(s)? Are accessible bathrooms common, or does your character have to go home every few hours? Is there access to prosthetists and ocularists, or what do they do when their prosthetic leg or eye requires the routine check-up?
Know the tropes. If a burn survivor character is an evil mask-wearer, if a powerchair user is a constantly rude and ungrateful to everyone villain, if an amputee is a genius mechanic who fixes their own prosthetics, you have A Trope. Not all tropes are made equal; some are actively harmful to real people, while others are just annoying or boring by the nature of having been done to death. During the character creation process, research what tropes might apply and just try to trace your logic. Does your blind character see the future because it's a common superpower in their world, or are you doing the ancient "Blind Seer" trope?
Remember, that not all of the above questions will come up in your writing, but to know which ones won't you need to know the answers to them first. Even if you don't decide to explicitly name your character's condition, you will be aware of what they might function like. You will be able to add more depth to your character if you decide that they have T6 spina bifida, rather than if you made them into an ambiguous wheelchair user with ambiguous symptoms and ambiguous needs. Embrace research as part of your process and your characters will be better representation, sure, but they will also make more sense and seem more like actual people; same with the world that they are a part of.
This post exists to help you establish the basics of your character's disability so that you can do research on your own and answer some of the most common ("what are symptoms of x?") questions by yourself. If you have these things already established, it will also be easier for us to answer any possible questions you might have - e.g. "what would a character with complete high-level paraplegia do in a world where the modern kind of wheelchair has not been invented yet?" is more concise than just "how do I write a character with paralysis?" - I think it's more helpful for askers as well; a vague answer won't be of much help.
I hope that this post is helpful,
mod Sasza
#mod sasza#writing reference#writing advice#writing resources#writeblr#writing disabled characters#writing resource#long post#writing tips#writing guide
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I'm not looking to start shit so I'm not linking it or anything, but you may have seen a recent anti-dark-content post circulating with a lot of notes making rounds in the x reader sphere and while I have nothing against people posting their feelings in their own private spaces, every time I see these kinds of posts there's a lot of misinformation that gets regurgitated in the reblogs/replies and I saw what looked like a battlezone in the replies, so.
I know posts like that can be very jarring and affects people like my readers, so to combat misinformation/shaming for anyone who saw it, I'm going to share some of my information on combatting fandom puritanism/misogyny/kinkshaming in its most common forms.
The most important fact, if you read nothing else, is this:
Most women have rape fantasies.
62% to be exact. I think the most pervasive myth on this content is that consumers are "weird" for it, when the numbers don't indicate that. You're in the majority!
The vast majority of people who have rape fantasies do not put them into practice in real life. A variety of factors can determine whether or not they do, particularly specific psychiatric disorders. (X)
To specifically address common harmful and pervasive myths:
the "go to therapy!" line
Generally any academic or professional resource will immediately tell you that consuming and engaging in "dark" fantasies is accepted and encouraged by mainstream psychiatry and part of the professional education for psychiatrists. (This also used to be pretty well-known until like the last 5 years or so, not sure why that changed.)
Here are some particularly insightful resources:
1) This article by Dr. David Wahl, in my opinion, hands-down does the best job of simply and thoroughly explaining why these fantasies occur and why couples practice CNC, as well as the fact that they are both harmless, psychologically beneficial to those with them, and not at all correlated to real-life rape.
2) Dr. Claudia Six has some of the best and most thorough material out there on the subject, specifically explaining why this is taught in mainstream academia psychology and how it is incredibly helpful to rape victims (X).
3) Lisa Diamond is a professional who focuses on this subject a lot, and was featured in the documentary "The Dilemma of Desire," in which she specifically focuses on how these fantasies are not correlated to real-life desires. (X)
4) Dr. Casey Lyle has specifically talked a lot on his socials about how fantasies, even in men/the perspective of the offender, do not correlate to actual risk of offending.
5) This article is not by a professional, but from the perspective of a survivor discussing how it is beneficial to survivors.
the "why would you want that?" line
The idea that fictional tastes = what you want to happen to you in real life is actually of misogynistic origin. I don't want to seek out or add links on this one, but if you're really curious, you can research about how the idea that "women read rape fiction, that means they secretly want rape!" was originally a classic "red pill"/MGTOW/4chan talking point that made its way into mainstream dialogue and thus the public mind in the last 15 years or so due to the incel epidemic popularizing those communities.
the "it's only valid for survivors then!" line
On one hand, yes it's very important to acknowledge that trauma victims use it to cope, however I feel that over-emphasizing that gives the impression that non-victims should be excluded from consumption of dark content, so to clarify, it's a very valid means for all women. Many women who have not personally experienced rape still fantasize about it, and that's fine.
The full explanation as to why this is true for many of them would be lengthy (and addressed in the aforementioned Dilemma of Desire documentary), but in the simplest terms, nonconsensual sex is the only context in which patriarchal society permits women to have sex at all without feeling guilt. For many women, particularly those in more heavily misogynistic or religious cultures, these fantasies are appealing because the idea of consensual sex may give them feelings of shame, guilt, "sin," etc. These fantasies allow them to experience the feeling of being desired without guilt of participation.
No society on earth is free of the psychological grip that cultural misogyny has on women, and shaming women for adapting to the conditions they are forced to exist under is as harmful as the misogyny that causes it itself.
ALL women experience a form of psychological trauma inherent to female childhood and female adolescence in a patriarchal world, and that is just as valid as coping with individual traumatic events.
Good resources on the subject of why women have these fantasies and how they are helpful in general:
(X) (X)
The "what you consume will make you do it in real life!" myth
Although the resources above already address this, it's important to establish why this myth is so prevalent and what its origins are.
The idea that consuming media with dark themes leads to or indicates desires to replicate those acts is a residual element of two major events:
1) Puritan revival culture, popularized in the US and UK in the 90s and 2000s (also known as "Satanic Panic"). A major facet of this movement was TV megachurch preachers making money off of exploiting well-meaning but paranoid parents into believing that your child playing Dungeons and Dragons or Pokemon would make them future serial killers and lure them into satanic cults. (X)
2) at the tail end of this, it was cemented in the public mind as a cultural ripple aftershock of the Columbine shooting, where this sentiment became popularized as the general public blamed violent video games like Doom and "dark" music like Marilyn Manson (whose life was temporarily completely upended by the events and took him years to recover/be safe from) for the 1999 shooting. This event had MASSIVE permanent and global effects in all sorts of ways that the public often underestimates the sheer scope of, notably that it solidified, prolonged, and, in the minds of many, "proved" the paranoias of the preexisting Satanic Panic. (X) This established a precedent, leading to virtually any major horrible event being blamed on the perpetrator's media consumption, including murder and sex crimes.
What this myth ignores in the cases it references (the slenderman stabbings, columbine, sasebo slashing, batman shooting, etc) is two crucial facts: that hundreds of millions of people consume the same media with no negative effects (helpful effects even), and that in every single case cited as "evidence" to the claim, the perpetrator had a preexisting psychiatric condition correlated to acts of violence (which usually went ignored, downplayed and even accelerated/worsened by those around them rather than the help they needed).
Sorry for the wall of text, but I feel an ethical obligation to combat this kind of misinformation, and I hope these resources are helpful for those who may be negatively affected by common misunderstandings.
You are not abnormal or wrong for the fictional content you consume or the fantasies you have!
#im very passionate about this because this sort of thing severely affected younger me#and i dont want that for anyone else!#love yall
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An overall interesting piece of science-related news gets found by popular news websites and in a little less than three days spirals into the most obnoxious fear-mongering clickbait known to man. A tale as old as the Earth's core.
#Oh also I havent seen ''HOLY FUCKING SHIT ASTEROID WILL GRAZE EARTH BY 4574 MILLION KILOMETERS'' news in a while. those used to be fun.#I dont want to sound like some lady McClutchpearls here but uhhhhhhhhhh#you know there's people with disorders and such that can get very fucked up with news or tweets that are worded like this right?#''Haha everyone look at this clickbait article it's so real n scary this is gonna go into my 2023 apocalypse card lol'' shut the fuck up fr#like you can share it and make jokes if you want whatever you have the right to but I'm still gonna think that shit's unfunny.#Like there's a lot of talk around here about the importance of tagging unreality and being considerate to people with mental illnesses etc#but I haven't seen that extended to news articles and people that make those ''ohh the cursed decade'' jokes and such?#anyway#internet woes#science news#science#geology
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IDK WHAT TO TITLE THIS??? Just read
I think by creating countless amounts of posts to help people reach the state of shifting or enter the void state is low key pointless
Because why do I have to continue to tell you
A bunch of people I’ll never actually talk to
Irl
How to do something we were all created and born TO DO??
You’re just read this and then proceed to not do it anyway
The reason you’re on here is actually why you “can’t do it”
It’s not that you can’t
You won’t
Because you’re procrastinating but not only are you procrastinating you’re also
Trying to figure out how to do something
You’ve always known what to do
I read somewhere some ppl can’t enter the void
Because it was scientifically proven that we all have different parts of brains that’ll allow it or something I don’t remember but google it
I think that’s weird
Because the void state is literally conscious
Every single human being has consciousness
And we can all access it through meditation hypnosis etc
Why some ppl enter it more easily
Is because they don’t overthink it most ppl look at it as a “oooh I wanna try it”
When you’re excited to try something you don’t over complicate it or assume it’s not gonna work
Even if you do you’re still too excited to try it to care
it’s important that if you’ve already discovered the loa void state and shifting
You should continue to believe in it
But the actions matter just as much as the intentions
Your actions shouldn’t be wavering like
Is it real?
But then saying you believe it is
Figure it out
Do you believe in it or not?
Stop confusing your subconscious mind
Now back to what I was saying earlier
You keep treating it like a chore or a job
When you finally lay down to meditate you think
“What’s takin so long?”
Babe
Your impatience is the reason you’re not getting it
The whole point is for relaxation but since you’ve all put it on a pedestal
With the manifesting
You act as if
It’s a wish granter
It’s not
You are the reason you get your desire
You could get in the void rn but you’d only get your desires if YOU say your affirmations
Stop
Waiting to enter the void
If you have this mindset it’s not gone happen
Think of it as a
You’re setting the intention and just vibing
That’s why my method with the music works so well
Because I don’t overthink with music on
Music keeps me awake mentally and certain songs keep me relaxed physically
Plus it’s a good energy then just depending on a subliminal or something
It’s not doing it for you
My method plus ppl on here literally getting in the void
With no background noise is proof that subliminals are just guiding you to a destination you were already going to reach on your own
So what to take from this post
1. Stop depending on subliminals it’s fine to use them but thinking it’s gonna get your results is putting power into something that isn’t as powerful as you
2. Procrastination is going to be the cost of a life you could be living The more you linger on this looking for the answers you already know the longer you’ll be living in a world you are desperately trying to escape from congrats you’ve got a Dr you can daydream and escape this reality mentally but what’s the fun in that? That life you keep fantasizing is real and the universe knows how bad you want it so why fantasize? Go there
3. Why are you wondering how ppl get in the void easily? Simply just stop thinking about it so much literally just meditate think affirm whatever don’t even think of the void but still have that intention in your mind you wanna move your body? Why? You hate this reality you wanna block out all the physicality it actually feels so good to just be in a moment of peace I’m telling y’all the key to entering the void shifting etc other OOB experiences is literally just stop paying attention
You know so many ppl with adhd
Or other neurodivergent disorders think it’s so difficult to focus
But I remember years ago I accidentally entered the void without knowing what it was
I was so sleepy I laid down
Got distracted by a thought
And literally it went black for like five seconds and I felt nothing
So literally just stop paying attention
Affirm
If you want
Set the intention count whatever
Or you could just set the intention and just think
Of literally anything
That doesn’t cause physical reactions like a funny thought you’d laugh at
But just pretend you’re dreaming like how you normally would
Which brings me to my method
THE DREAM METHOD:
You could pretend to be dreaming
Like if you can’t visualize it still use your sense
Image your dreaming
And in that dream you’re living your dream life or you could “dream” that you’re in the void
However you want your void to look
By not moving you’re tricking your body into thinking you’re asleep
And by pretending to be dreaming
You’re tricking your mind into thinking
You’re both sleeping and dreaming
This will make you either dream Forreal
Or you could use this to get in the void
When or if you feel symptoms
By the way
Those floaty etc symptoms are actually signs that you’re astral projecting because shifting your awareness is a mind thing
NOT an outer body experience
So if you feel floaty dizzy spinning etc
You are astral projecting
BUT
You can use astral projection to shift and to enter the void
You’re Welcome
Also P.S but have you ever zoned out and stared at something til your vision got all blurry and background noises get fuzzy and whatever you’re focused on is the only think you can subconsciously focus on?
Yeahhh it’s a trance
Try doing this while meditating with your eyes open then close them and keep doing it
What ever you were focus on
Close your eyes
Set the intention
Affirm for a bit
Breathe then
Imagine something
Anything you’d want
And pretend to dream
By just visualizing or thinking or using your senses
You could put on an instrumental and imagine your doing a music video
If you feel symptoms just remember
Nothings physically happening to you
So why focus on it?
If someone saw you you’d still be in bed
Not moving
Itchy feelings mean your body is feeling as if you’re awake
There’s no actual physical symptoms of entering the void
Because it’s not really an out of body experience it’s you shifting your awareness has nothing to do with your body
Since you’re shifting to the 4D
The 4D is not physical
I may have mentioned symptoms in my previous posts I don’t remember I’m not a hypocrite I just learn and get more educated
But no matter
Take this how you want
And even if I could help
I could never get you into the void state
It’s literally me trying to tell YOUR subconscious mind to do something you already know how to do
Like cmon
Also
You don’t need the void to shift
Trust me there’s a gagillion methods
Another also
You don’t even need a method just lay down don’t move
Trust me weird shit will happen
#law of assumption#void state#law of attraction#void#law of manifestation#manifesting#manifesation#loassumption#loassblog#subliminals#getyourdreamlife#neville goddard#loablr#loa blog#alpha waves#theta waves#shifting blog#shiftinconsciousness#reality shift#reality shifting#manifesting affirm and persist#robotically affirming#desired life#dream life#desired reality#meditating#manifestation#law of the universe#affirm and persist#astral projection
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Fast Car Three (of four)
masterpost
“Why would I ever need help from Victor?” Danny scrunched up his brow and puzzled aloud after his passenger got out. He didn't mean to be rude but he was genuinely confused. Vic seemed nice enough, but he was kinda delicate, wasn't he? He was scared of Batman. What for? He was just some guy who was so risk-averse that he wore a motorcycle helmet out in public. He probably held the world's record for diagnosed anxiety disorders or something.
‘I’m lucky he's so reactive,’ Danny chided himself not to be ungrateful. ‘If he wasn't, like, hyper-vigilant I might have had to talk to Batman. Horrific.’
He shuddered at the thought. He had planned to work a little more, but Danny decided to go back home and rest for a bit. His nerves were a little shot after the excitement of the morning.
Oh, right. He hadn't checked what his tip was yet. Danny unfolded the bills and his eyes bugged out. “This is fifty dollars,” he said incredulously. “He paid me fifty dollars to take him like 10 blocks, with a 50 block detour.”
Was Victor, like, okay? Danny cast a dubious look back in his rearview mirror and caught the barest glance of Victor's ridiculously jacked form disappearing into one of the murder warehouses. What a guy. Why'd he do-
“He was hitting on me?” Danny's voice reached a whistle pitch. Ah! Ah!!! Holy shit. What the hell? His face burnt red and he floored it back to his apartment complex, trying to get his heart rate under control.
It was so obvious in retrospect! The weird awkward pauses in conversation! The huge tips! Asking for his number!
Danny pulled to a stop at a yellow light rather than run it explicitly so that he could bang his head against the steering wheel.
“I don't even know if he's hot,” Danny wailed. Instantly he knew it was a lie. He didn't know what Victor’s face looked like. He didn't remember what the photo had looked like anymore and the information was long gone. But he knew that Victor was tall, fit as fuck, and had really nice hands.
Danny bit his lip and howled sadly. It helped, a little. He stole a glance at the receipt with Victor's phone number on it. He couldn't help but memorize the number.
“I'm not going to call,” Danny told himself. Even if it was flattering. Victor might be a sketchy guy! Only sketchy people were out at the hours Danny worked. Danny couldn't afford association with anyone like that because he needed the authorities to never ever look at him.
Also, and probably more importantly: you can't go to medical school if you have any kind of criminal record. If Danny was going to be Doctor Fenton the fourth and be able to provide his and Ellie's medical care, he needed to be a model citizen. He couldn’t trust that Vic would keep him out of whatever weird shit he was involved in.
Well. It wasn't like he was complicit in anything. Danny parked his beloved shitty car in the garage and took the stairs up to his apartment. He opened the door, saw Batman in his kitchen, and closed the door.
“Fuck.”
Danny turned intangible and dropped like a rock through the floors. He was back in the driver's seat in less than 5 seconds. He turned it on and called Victor with one hand, because he'd just gotten the guy's number and he didn't exactly know a lot of Gothamites. “Hey, what do I do if Batman is in my apartment?” He said as soon as it connected. He turned the car on and peeled out onto the street.
“Wha- move, I guess. Is he there for fucking real?” Victor's electronic voice somehow managed to come across incredulous. “You probably shouldn't go back there. You're in your car?” A horn honked in the background. “You're faster,” Victor said. His confidence gave Danny a little. “I'll send you my gps point. Come to me and we can strategize how to get him off your tail.”
Danny swallowed hard. “Okay,” he said, and violently repressed the part of him asking why this nervous ass Gothamite would know any better than he did. At least Victor was a local. His phone pinged and he opened up the address. “Got it.”
“See you soon.” Victor hung up.
Danny burnt rubber out of there, heart all the way up in his throat. Why was Batman after him? What did he know? He gasped for air, feeling like he was choking. He needed to be normal. He needed to- to get his degree and get his career and never ever have a whole fucking militaristic brancho of the government after him. He was one guy. When he was 14 he'd thought it was a funny game and the GIW were a bunch of chumps. But they were a bunch of chumps with money, weapons, and numbers. He couldn't afford to fuck with them. The fact that his parents gritted their teeth through associating with the GIW was the only thing that kept suspicion off of Danny.
He cycled through a panic attack and then into anger. What the hell, dude? Danny got that Batman had a bee up his ass about metahumans “in his city” (like he fucking owned it??) but Danny wasn't causing crime or fighting it. He was going to classes and trying to survive. Batman had no right to get involved in his business.
He was steaming mad by the time he pulled up to where Victor was waiting for him. Victor hauled open an old style garage door and ushered him in quickly. Danny parked inside and sighed over the steering wheel. It took a few moments to center himself and then he got out. “Hey.” He lifted a hand in greeting and then shoved it in his pocket, feeling unimaginably weary. It wasn't even 5 am, jeeze. What was his life? “Thanks for answering.” He cleared his throat and bumped his butt against the hood of his car. “Helluva morning,” he complained dryly.
“It's no problem.” Victor seemed a little stiff and uncomfortable, standing in the middle of the other parking space. Either that or he was posing. “It's not your fault.”
Danny let out a snort. “It's not, but what does that matter?” He shrugged. And then he realized- “Wait, do you know what I am- scratch that.” He made a hand gesture to wave that away. Victor had known what Amity Park was offhand and he'd had a chance to see Danny phase the car through solid matter. “I guess what matters more is why Batman is on my ass. D’you think he knows?”
Victor looked at him for a long time. “No…”
“No, what?” Danny narrowed his eyes up at the taller man.
“I don't think Batman knows that you're…” Victor made a gesture at Danny that explained nothing. “Whatever you are. I think he wants to ask you what you know about me.”
Danny stared blankly at him. “About you,” he echoed. He gave Victor a dubious look. “Why would he care about you?”
Victor lifted a gloved finger and pointed at his helmet as if that was supposed to mean something. Danny tilted his head to the side like a bird and raised one eyebrow. “Because I'm the Red Hood?” Victor said dubiously. “You know that, right?”
“You're Victor,” Danny said. He furrowed his brows. “Is - is The Red Hood like, your drag persona or something? Cool for you but it's not really relevant -”
Victor tore off the helmet to reveal a face that was a lot younger than Danny had anticipated. “It's not a drag persona,” he snapped. “It's- I'm the Red goddamn Hood! You have to have seen me on the news!”
Danny mutely shook his head. He thought about saying that he didn’t watch the news, but he sort of felt bad for the guy. It was probably safer not to comment.
“It's been non-stop,” Victor said, and Danny could really tell how incredulous he felt without that goofy voice filter effect removing the pout from his voice. “I dropped 13 human heads off at the police station yesterday. Come on!”
He blinked.
Wait.
One.
Second.
“You had me take you to the police with contraband?” Danny roared, incandescent with fury.
“Uh.” Victor looked a little shifty now, even with that dweeb ass mask covering from his eyebrows to his cheekbones. “Yeah, I guess-”
“I'm going to go to medical school!” Danny roared, and suplexed the bastard. Victor went down with a howl and a valiant attempt to dig out Danny's eye with his bent index and middle fingers. Danny went selectively intangible and rolled them both over to start slapping Victor on his stupid face. “I-” slap “can't” slap “have” slap “a criminal record!” He leaned so far forward that his lips were nearly touching Victor's. “Capiche?” Danny jabbed a finger into Victor's stupidly ripped chest.
“Um.”
“Capiche? Understand? Do you get my meaning?” Danny howled. “I am an illegal entity! My paperwork is suspect!” He dug his knees a little harder into Victor's sides, struggling to control his strength.
“Hey man, me too,” said Victor. He seemed mildly surprised by this commonality. “That's why I can't get a driver's license.” He put his hands up by his head. The movement made his incredible biceps sort of…pulse. Bulge?
Danny blinked, attention caught by something about what Victor had said. “How'd you get your Uber account verified without- oh my god!” He threw his hands up in disgust. “You're not even Victor, are you? Your first word to me was a lie?”
Not-Victor laughed. Danny was surprised enough that he loosened his grip. But the other guy didn't try to get out. “You're fun,” he said. He had a nice smile, crooked and kissable. Oh, fuck.
Danny felt his whole face burn red. Shit. Abort. He scrambled up, suddenly mortified that he was sitting on the other guy. “What's your name?” he demanded, trying to sound unaffected and mean.
“Jay.”
“You're sure this time?” Danny managed to work up a little more indignation.
“Hands to god, on my grave,” Jay promised. Danny sort of hated that he believed it.
Danny relented. “Fine.” It wasn’t like he had any moral high ground to stand on about maintaining secret identities, if he was honest. He huffed and crossed his arms. “How do I get Batman off my ass? I'm guessing you don't want me to talk to him about you.”
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Well it's come up multiple times today so I'll make a post about it.
I think the popularization of the word "twink" has ultimately been really bad for people in general.
I know it's hard to track the positive and negative effects of language but I don't think it's hard to see how creating a word for a group of people wherein the most consistent qualifying trait is "being skinny" is healthy for people's self image. Obviously people have lots of ideas about what it means to be a twink- gay, lacking body hair, feminine, beautiful, young, white- but the most consistent descriptor I've seen is "skinny." Hell, it's even a body type on Grindr; the size below "average."
So it kind of functions as a code word in the gay community: anyone can say that they're only interested in twinks and they don't have to look shallow by saying they only like skinny guys. It's such an accepted attitude that no one really bats an eye when they hear it.
I'm not even going to get into how it's become part of the larger issue of people turning "top" and "bottom" into gender roles 2.0, but that is closely related, because people with any internalized homophobia can look at a skinny, feminine man and turn off their fag alarms by viewing him as a woman or not a "real" man, and it makes twinks more acceptable to society at large.
No, ignoring all of that, one of the biggest issues is that gay men are taught by society that they are only attractive while they are skinny. Just having the label "twink" reminds a boy that people are looking at his body and judging it. There were countless times when I was growing up that people would tell me, "You're such a twink," or argue about whether or not I qualified as a twink because I had body hair. People around you, unpromted, judge your body and give you a label based on it, and that label has a large influence on whether or not you're seen as objectively attractive. I know many other gay people who say they wish they were a twink so they could be more attractive to guys.
So think, you have all these kids growing up being told whether or not they qualify as a twink, and then we have the gay community as a whole where it's completely acceptable to say you're only attracted to twinks. I think its because of all of this pressure to be a twink (in other words, to have a below average weight) that many of the gay people that I interact with struggle with a negative body image or eating disorders.
I mean, people talk about "twink death" like it's an actual event that makes a gay man much less attractive, and no one thinks that, maybe, it's harmful to tell a guy that the very day he stops being young and thin and pretty, he will stop being attractive and celebrated?
I'm not qualified to speak on fatphobia in physical queer spaces because I don't have the ability to frequent them where I live, but I can't imagine that these aren't issues at social gatherings as well. I also can't speak on my own experiences with weight discrimination because so far in my life I have had a naturally thin body, but I have experienced a lot of outside pressure to be thin that have caused me to pick up unhealthy eating habits to reduce my weight in fear that I could become fat later on. Thankfully that is something that I've mostly been able to work past. I'm not an expert, but idk, I just wanted to rant on my silly tumblr blog.
Obviously it's impossible for a word to be inherently bad. I'm not trying to imply that saying "twink" is a magic word with evil powers. Obviously the real issues at play here are fatphobia and harmful beauty standards and body shaming. But in my opinion, the popular use of the word twink has made it much easier and acceptable to express fatphobia, etc, in the gay community by turning "skinny person" into a "type of guy that you should try to be so you can be attractive."
#i know i sound annoying and woke but this is my blog and i can post whatever i want :3#theres so much more to say but this is long enough as it is#no ones gonna read this anyway#gay#queer issues#fatphobia#cw ed mention
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