#thinking about how the last thing she said to gideon was “don't leave me” in this chilis tonight

[lastflowerofyourhouse]

let me paint you a picture.

harrowhark nonagesimus is seventeen years old. a young seventeen. a horribly old seventeen. she has known one home in her entire life. she exists wholly and completely to protect it, and she has never treated it with anything but complete and ardent love. these people are not good, they have not been good to her or for her, but they are her family and she is their gaurdian, and it is home. she is a creature of habits and routines, and drearburh is everything she's ever known. she is seventeen.

and she recieves a letter. it offers her everything she needs. a way to protect her family, to save her home, to ensure that everything she knows and loves is safe and prosperous, and that they will never again need as desperately as they needed her. but she has to leave them. she has to leave them for the first time in her entire life, and she may never come back.

she is permitted to bring one person from home. only one. she may not bring the man who raised her, or the woman who advised her, or the vulnerable elderly whose lives she has been carefully extending since she was a child.

she has a cavalier, though. he is the very model of a drearburh cavalier. he is precisely what her competition will be expecting, and he will do whatever she asks of him. she knows he will try to escape, of course, because she knows they've got a shuttle coming. he and his mother will try to steal the shuttle, inevitably, if it arrives.

the solution is simple. cancel the shuttle. bar ortus's mother from the room when the announcement is made. there's nothing the mother can do.

but harrow doesn't do that. she doesn't cancel the shuttle. she wants them to take it. she doesn't want ortus. instead, she spends an entire night wrecking her hands in hard dirt, doesn't even use a shovel in her desperation. she doesn't want ortus.

harrowhark nonagesimus is going to be alone, in an unfamiliar environment, for the first time in her entire life. she is going to be barred from her only home, perhaps forever. she is seventeen years old.

and she wants gideon nav.

[starberry-cupcake]

I came back!!! I didn't leave you for 5 months!!! And now I have 3 chapter updates together!!! I'm kissing you all in the brow tenderly like palmolive did to harrow and offering this recap

previously, in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

CHAPTER 34

harrow wakes up in a different spot, with camilla next to her and a shuttle with a design she has never seen before

she confirms that palmolive is indeed in his bachelor apartment in the river

camilla is very glad she doesn't have to go back to sweep the floor of canaan house for more palmolive bits

harrowcita does as palm told her and turns the skull into a hand because cam doesn't want a full skeleton reproduction because "it would get her in trouble"

customs are nasty up there in space

harrow goes to check up the shuttle and finds more old pals!!!

there's judith, remember judith?

in harrow's memory, she was dead from the slasher waker sleeper, but in our memory she was close to dead but not quite

turns out she's alive

not great for anyone other than herself, but anyway

there's also regina george twin

harrow remembers her falling to her death in the hands of mayonnaise uncle, but we remember her from crying in a corner last we saw her

after yandere twin had slurped chad the third and all that

this is again confusing me a bit, because clearly harrow remembers the gideon-less narrative but not!dulcinea is included in her memory, so that's still undetermined for me

there's also a poster of a woman harrow takes quite some time looking at

she: 1) looks intimidating, 2) is dressed in black, 3) has red hair

harrow immediately starts bleeding

"that portrait frightened you more than anything you had seen since becoming a Lyctor; it scared the irresolute piss from your body. Yet you had never seen the face before in your life"

my immediate theory is that maybe she's the leader of BOE who went missing about 20 years ago and that I mentally connect to gideon or gideon's mom

without any evidence other than math and a hunch

we'll see how wrong I am in the following chapters

harrow starts taking out her letters for everyone present

past!harrow wanted present!harrow to silence judith (valid) and protect regina george twin, only silence her if necessary

yandere twin had added some annotations on this about not hurting her sister

these letters were google docs

regina george twin has a ninth house rapier

I WONDER WHAT THAT IS ABOUT

harrow does as told (by herself) but wants to know what is going on so she un-silences judith momentarily and judith is an asshole who wants to rat someone out to the emperor

idk how things are at BOE or what is going on but here we don't stan the emperor so anyone who wants to protect him isn't my friend

camilla gives the ninth pledge to convince her to let them leave and says "we're not on the same side anymore"

PROMISING

when asked who took them from canaan house and who they're with, camilla says "you call them Blood Of Eden"

POSTER THEORY NOT CONFIRMED BUT I WONDER

CHAPTER 35

back in gideon-less universe with ortus and his polycule the fifth

abby thinks the lost chambers of the emperor run sidelong to the facility, which is information I very much would have liked her to elaborate on

but harrowcita is spotted listening in on the private conversation

harrow also keeps wanting ortus to do gideon stuff and show gideon behavior

she doesn't know that's what she wants but we know because she keeps being like "ortus doesn't start immediately doing push ups after almost dying, isn't showing his arms to the young ones and hasn't said a single dirty joke, which isn't ninth behavior but she's somehow expecting it".

canaan house is also growing some body horror stuff

sure, why not

abby says "time was always against us", which is pretty intense, knowing what we know

and then in comes teacher acting like he's drunk out of his ass, but he says he's not

it's great for us because drunk exposition is useful

he calls "the devil" a "her" who "bent for god to put a leash around her neck" and how the "disciples were scared" of her

then the lyctors found out what they had to do and they asked doctor reverend emperor john to kill her

but he "put her in a box"

like this

"you worship a monster in a box" "now we have a monster in a box"

I hadn't thought of those parallels, actually, that's my bad

"once that rock's rolled away, once that tomb's levered open, the Emperor of the Nine Houses will never know peace ever again"

CHAPTER 36

there's a bug in this one, like in the illustration

is this the beast?

harrow prays that not!dulcinea's body is tossed out through the airlock

WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE??????

OH YEAH, I HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR THAT SAME THING

at first I thought harrow didn't remember her meeting the gang because it said "and why now was one of your letters missing and another two freshly opened?"

but she does remember, so narrator (still unknown) is confusing me

playing games with my mind

they have boring code-names that aren't puns or funny nicknames (which I have a predilection for) but their initials and the initial of their cav

dr reverend emperor john has a g, which I know what word it stands for, but I don't know what it means because it showed up in a dashboard spoiler but thankfully it had no context

so there's AA for Augustine Alfred, GP for Gideon (alleged, we're still not saying that one aloud, I'm still betting on it though) Pyrrha, IN for Ianthe Naberius

which is confusing to me because I call him Chad and everyone else calls him Babs but his name is Naberius but I always read it as Nebarius

he's like a puppy that you name one way but everyone calls differently

augustine hesitates on harrow's name and says "Harrow's H"

harrow says HO and everyone's awkward about it

you sure, harrow? you sure it's O?

turns out the beast is here to get doctor reverend emperor john's sorry ass for, according to mercygirl what "you did to its kin" and "it sees my cavalier's mortal soul burning in my chest"

harrow wants to kiss ice cube barbie but she's not having it and goes "i have to go away for a while"

that's rough, buddy

mercygirl proceeds to draw a cylinder with names of layers and explains the very convoluted and not at all certain sounding plan they've got

apparently ulysses threw sexy parties that mercygirl hated

harrowcita does remember seeing regina george twin and is worried that yandere twin is the traitor that judith was taking about

I think harrow is the traitor but she doesn't know it

I think her forgetting stuff is part of a plan to kill the emperor, but my evidence is circumstantial

as long as we kill this dude, it's all good

mercygirl gives a speech about how much she hates everyone and how she wants to torture the emperor

if we are to spare one lyctor from the guillotine, let it be her

everyone has positions to take in this plan (that sounds like it's kinda doomed) and that the emperor isn't paying attention to at all

everyone except for harrow, because they all think she's gonna die

and we get potential foreshadowing?????? about the stoma

which is "hell" and the emperor says it's "where my power and my authority are utterly meaningless"

AND THAT'S WHERE WE ARE NOW, FAM!!! see you next time!!!

[harrowing-of-hell]

Hi! I read your meta about harrow intending to go back her body and consume gideon's soul. So what does the phrase "There's a difference between keeping a shred of dance card and saving the last dance" mean by this your pov?

For anyone who's seeing this post and hasn't seen the aforementioned meta that prompted, here it is for reference.

TLDR; The argument is that Harrowhark didn't willingly choose to stay in the River at the end of HtN. Presented with no viable alternatives to save Gideon's soul, she chooses to go back to her body, but is unable to because Alecto has already displaced both her and Gideon.

The main supporting evidence for this is that within the sequence where Harrow leaves the Canaan House bubble and ends up in the unreal version of the Locked Tomb (where Alecto's body is missing and her chains are broken), there are times in the narration where Harrow does things not knowing why she does them, or where things she expects to happen/experience don't occur.

As a reader I default to close reading when I'm trying to understand what's happening in a scene-- which means taking into account not only what is being said (the text on the page), but how the author is choosing to say it (syntax, word choice, sentence structure, etc). With that in mind, the entire ending of Chapter 53 of HtN is written less like Harrow is making a deliberate choice to stay in the River and more like Harrow is merely acting on impulse after being thrown into an unexpected situation.

---

@tiny-blackbird Sorry that it took me so long to answer this!

I will begin by prefacing that my argument that Harrow had actually chosen to leave the River is not me also arguing that Harrow was gonna completely give up on saving Gideon. I think she's much too stubborn and maladjusted to do that so quickly.

Rather, I think the scene with Magnus and Abigail was a moment of realization for Harrow that she has no choice but to go back, resume consuming Gideon's soul, and become a full Lyctor for the time being, even though she very obviously doesn't want to. And I feel like the narrative supports this view!

Here it's clear that Harrow is genuinely being swayed by Abigail and Magnus' argument and the narrative takes a moment to acknowledge that.

The "choice" being referred to is the choice of whether to consume Gideon's soul— the choice of lyctorhood, essentially— and is referenced earlier in HtN when Harrow reads the letter she addressed to herself.

But it's different now: in the Canaan House bubble, Harrowhark is realizing that she has no options available to her but to live. She's making the painful choice to say "Yes" this time.

I feel like a lot of people forget this moment when they say that Harrowhark chose to stay in the River to save Gideon's life. I understand why, given that almost directly after this Dulcinea tells Harrow about her body being controlled by something.

But I think that also fails to take into consideration that even if Harrowhark wanted to take the chance on it being Gideon who was controlling her body (even when Dulcinea herself wasn't sure), Harrowhark, again, has no viable alternatives to remain in the River (at least, no options that she knows of at the time).

I think Harrow is willing to do a lot to save Gideon's soul, and the lobotomy is proof of that, but if she goes insane in the River she loses any chance she has of saving Gideon, meanwhile if she goes back she can think of other methods. She could try the lobotomy for a second time lmao.

Back to your question, I think "There's a difference between keeping a shred of dance card and saving the last dance" is Harrow pointing out that there's a difference of hope in the comparison Magnus is making here.

In keeping the shred of the dance card, Magnus had already given up hope of continuing a relationship with Abigail, just as he is asking Harrowhark to give up hope about trying to bring Gideon back from the dead.

Meanwhile with Harrowhark— you don't save the last dance for someone if you've already given up hope that they'll show up to the dance in the first place.

Magnus had given up hope. Harrowhark has not.

What Harrow's saying is a rejection of the idea that she's merely a mausoleum for Gideon, holding onto whatever she can of who Gideon was a person.

Instead, Harrowhark is mourning Gideon's death just as much as she is eagerly awaiting, and expecting, Gideon's return. She's saying she's not so much a mausoleum, it's more like she's watching over Gideon's things until Gideon can come back to claim them.

That's what I think Harrow means by saving the last dance, and I think that's reflected in how Harrow already had a letter written for Gideon alongside the envelope that contained Gideon's sunglasses.

Even in her mourning Harrow anticipated that she'd be able to bring Gideon back.

[thesaintofpatience]

🔥!!

🔥- Name a crackship, now convince me why it would work!

In all honesty the problem (?) with TLT and this question is that it's so easy to find justifications for nearly all ships. As Archimedes never said, 'give me a situation big enough and I'll make those blorbos kiss'

I mean, whatever it is, it can't be one of the Lyctors - God's duplicitous sluts will get it on with anyone, in any permutation, given enough time and 10,000 years of emotional fuckery to draw from. There's some absolutely killer fics out there pairing various lyctors with Palamedes, and they all slap.

So, leaving out the Lyctors (much as I adore them) gives us this rather darling random selector as below, non-exhaustive but I think I hit the main beats:

Putting in a break here because this gets long:

Spin 1 gave me Ianthe and Alecto which would seem to be ill-fated given that (1) Alecto's out to kill God, which Ianthe doesn't want (yet) and (2) Their first meeting was a literal slap in the face to Ianthe, which may not be a deal-breaker but certainly wouldn't help

But if we wind canon back a tad and give ourselves a world in which John didn't imprison Alecto on the Ninth, the Mithraeum set-up looks a little different. Here's Ianthe confronted with the same power dynamics we see in HtN, albeit with the addiiton of one extra who:

Is God's undisputed favourite

Scares the shit out of the other Lyctors (what a power play!)

Exists as a very literal manifestation of Resurrection magic, Ianthe's chosen topic of interest.

Ianthe can't lie to Alecto - nobody can - and she's not going to win her over with kindness and good graces, but she's not above using vulnerability to her own ends and Alecto (six foot, blonde, quite possibly bears more than a passing resemblance to Coronabeth) might find herself confronted with somebody who very honestly and earnestly wants to spend time with her and get to know more about her, even if she isn't necessarily being honest about why that is. Meanwhile, Alecto - who has spent the last 10,000 years on a spaceship with only John and the other Lyctors for company - is lonely. And here's somebody new, and bizarre, and potentially interesting. At the very least they might chat. Alecto 'this is how meat loves meat' the First might find herself quite comforted by someone who's all too willing to lean into brutality and take everything at face value if that's what's required of her.

(Where's Harrow in this AU? Good question - not only does Gideon not exist in an AU where Dios Apate never occurred, it's quite possible that neither does the Ninth House; we know it was never supposed to, and whatever it is, it doesn't have the theological weight of the Tomb behind it, which diminishes its already-shaky claim to status. Either Harrow doesn't exist at all, or she does, but she wasn't invited as a scion to Canaan House with the rest)

I'm just saying, I could see it.

Anyway, just to labour the point further:

Spin 2 gave me Palamedes and Wake which I grant you is significantly more tricky but let me give it the old college try:

Okay, so first we have to concoct a situation in which Palamedes and Wake would ever get to meet, which is somewhat hampered by the fact that she died when he was two years old. But we don't let a little thing like death stop us in the necromancy books, do we? There are options with regard to revenants (e.g Palamedes Ascends to Lyctorhood and meets Wake-in-Cytherea - what a confusing interaction that would be for the poor fellow) but I'll constrain myself to actual living Wake for the thought exercise.

Option 1: Taking the above AU for sheer convenience, if the Tomb is never sealed and Dios Apate never occurs, Wake doesn't die on the Ninth. She's alive (wahey!) and therefore free to meet the Master Warden at a later date.

Option 2: Wake does crash on the Ninth but survives and makes good her escape, living to fight another day

Option 3: Wake does crash on the Ninth, survives and is taken prisoner, kept on Ninth for a brief period before being presumably picked up and taken away by the Cohort (from where she can escape, be murdered by them, hostage exchange, indoctrination, all manner of options)

In either options 1 or 2 we have the option of introducing Wake at Canaan House as one of the BOE operatives working with Cytherea intending to pick over the rubble of the various dead Lyctors, only slightly inconvenienced by the fact that (1) Wake wants Palamedes dead and (2) even if she didn't, he rather unhelpfully kills himself

So instead, let's do a necro-cav roleswap because frankly I love them and examine cavalier Palamedes Sextus. Still immensely smart, still writing letters to Dulcinea, still inseparable from Camilla Hect. Could Camilla Hect be the Master Warden? Arguably. Could Palamedes Sextus be a cavalier primary? Alas, I doubt it - I can imagine a world in which he doesn't have necromantic aptitude, but not one in which he has physical coordination. In this AU he probably ends up on Sixth forever (in data) except that he's still writing to Dulcinea, concertedly studying non-medical necromancy and writing increasingly impassioned papers about how 'necromancy for everything makes one lazy' and shouldn't we all be thinking a little less about animaphilia and a little more about basic curative practices (and can we please stop stabbing ourselves with implements that haven't been appropriately sterilised, how we haven't all died of sepsis by now is God's own mystery) -

And he starts to make a name for himself, and draw a reputation, because if Palamedes Sextus is anything it's chronically unable to shut up. Which is to say, you've been headhunted and it's off to the Cohort with you, chum. Non-necromantic medics are a rarity, but very useful for thanergetically-depleted environments where it's inconvenient to start killing off the population just to heal your cav's broken ribs. Now we have a Cohort Palamedes (under significant duress), separated from Camilla (heartbreaking, sorry) and Dulcinea (likewise) operating in the field primarily in environments which are inhospitable to necromancers - thalergenic planets, the outskirts of Empire - and therefore able to potentially run into BOE. Now we're talking!

From here, options. Hostage situation? Palamedes gets captured by BOE and talked around to the evils of empire as we see in As Yet Unsent. More likely, operating as a Cohort medic out on the fringes and in the thick of the action, I think we might start to see Palamedes doing this of his own volition - and in a situation in which he finds himself with a room full of people who need healing, he's not going to give much of a fuck who is Cohort and who is BOE, he's far more concerned with who is dead and who is instead merely dying and therefore somebody he can help.

Anyway, one engineers a meeting between Palamedes (cocky, jaded, I think significantly spikier from a) not being a necromancer b) separated from his loved ones c) generally fucked off by the crushing reality of imperialism and war) and Wake (landmine person, takes no shit). Necromancer Palamedes and Wake are a non-starter, but as a cavalier - and a medic, no less - he's a useful tool for her. They'd fight like cats in a bag but I think he'd be impressed by her, and she might be amused by him. He bickers and argues and generally makes himself a nuisance. She's a firebrand leader with an absolute singleminded focus. I can definitely see charged moments over wounds and bandages, that's all I'm saying.

Look, am I saying that I'm going to start shipping Ianthe/Alecto or Wake/Palamedes anytime soon - probably not. But !! Every time I see a 'crackship' or something totally new where someone's figured out a way to get different bozos into the same get-along t-shirt, an angel gets its wings. Absolutely no offence to all the people out there writing modern (frequently college) AU griddlehark but nothing thrills me more than seeing a ship tag and having to do a double take because ??? who put them in the same room?

I don't know if that answered your question at all actually but thank you for asking it ilu aust <3

[zmwrites]

Writemas 2024: Day 17

Thank you, as always, to @agirlandherquill for hosting this event!

WIP: Second Chances WIP

Prompt(s): "Take that look off your face. Take your pity and drown in it." + The sparkle of stars

Words: 581

Notes: This was supposed to be romantic. Instead, have another scene of Talea and Gideon arguing. I don't know how to tell them it's okay to be nice to each other every once in a while. This is a direct follow-up to Day 11!

Talea leaned against the exterior wall of the stable, eyes on the sky above. The stars sparkled, and the moon shone brilliantly, but they did nothing to lighten her mood. Her cheek still smarted from her mother’s slap. 

She shook her head and wiped the tears from her face. Stupid. Why did she care what her mother thought of her? Why did she care that she'd revealed her ill-fated attempt to apologize to Gideon all those years ago? She knew she was nothing to her parents and Gideon. She knew they didn’t love her. She knew they didn’t care enough to hate her. She was just… inconsequential. 

Nothing. 

“Talea.”

She jumped, whirling towards the voice. Of course Gideon had found her. “Leave me alone.”

“We need to talk,” he said.

“We really don’t.” Talking to him was the last thing she wanted to do.

“What did Delphine mean about me sending you away four years ago? When did you try to follow me here?” he demanded. He stood just out of arm's reach. 

Talea sighed and let her head fall against the wall. “It’s better if you don’t know.”

“I disagree.”

“Gideon, please.”

“You’ve kept secrets since the day we met, and I accepted it. It took me some time, but I accepted that I’ll never really know you. But this involves me too, Tal, and I deserve to know what she meant when she said I sent you away.”

Her heart ached. He was concerned about her spreading lies about him, but he was pulling at a string that would unravel so much more. “It’s better if you don’t know.”

“You said that already.”

“I don’t know what else to tell you!” 

“The truth!” he shouted.

Fresh tears welled in her eyes and she furiously scrubbed at them. If he wanted the truth, fine. He could have the truth and all of the pain it had brought her for the last four years. “I rode after you. You’d told me where you stopped for the night on the trip here so I knew where you’d be, and I rode out to apologize. I caught up with you and Quincy that evening.”

“I didn’t see you,” he said. 

“No, you were occupied with a lovely blonde woman who looked nothing like me,” she replied bitterly. She still felt sick thinking about it. “It was Quincy who sent me away. Delphine never cared enough to listen to what I was saying.”

“Quincy?”

“He told me I had no right to be there, and that you’d be better off without me. I knew he was right, so I left. I returned home and continued doing my father’s bidding in a hopeless effort to be named heir.”

Gideon’s brows had knit together in confusion. “Why didn’t you say anything to me? You’ve never listened to Quincy.”

“Because I was humiliated! I’d been ready to beg you for forgiveness, admit that I wanted to run away with you and that I was desperately in love with you, but you’d already moved on,” she said, referencing the two questions he’d asked her before she’d ended things.

His expression flickered through a series of unreadable emotions before settling somewhere around what she assumed was sympathy.

“Take that look off your face,” she said coldly. “Take your pity and drown in it.”

“Talea, that’s not—”

She didn’t hear the rest of his protest, already hurrying back to the house to find a room with a lock on it.

[paradoxcase]

@wellhappybirthdaytomeiguess:

Spading is found in the always accurate Urban Dictionary as slang for sex. Probably a regional variation. :P But leave it to Gideon to make anything sound dirty.

@badcatcait:

A note on the spading thing! I think it’s slang in New Zealand specifically for flirting…but it’s also a Homestuck reference. It’s known at this point that TLT has its origins in Homestuck fandom which Muir was big in. The aliens in Homestuck have 4 types of romance based on card suits—spade/black romances are a kind of enemies-to-lovers situation where they stay enemies and hate each other but are romantically involved as well. Perfectly describes Pyrrha/Wake’s dynamic ♠️

Is there a source for it being NZ slang? Wiktionary usually lists major regional variations and slang for these sorts of things

I wouldn't put it past being a Homestuck reference, though, they did have that kind of relationship

@wellhappybirthdaytomeiguess:

Theory is that one reason John didn't 'fix the holes' was that it might make his daughter more beholden to him. We know he could likely have done so. Instead he turned her into a construct. Also, a sort of callback: GtN: “Half a dozen tendrils came after her. They would have given her an interesting array of new airholes for speed.” And then from NtN: “Those are my speed holes. They help me go fast,” said Kiriona quickly.”

If John ever was trusting of the people around him, I guess he probably moved past that since the last book, haha

and this hits hard: Gideon talking about Harrow, in HtN: “You could always leave everything else behind, but you never got rid of being so absolutely fucking goddamn sad.” And Nona talking about Gideon, NtN: “Nona had never seen anyone so sad in her whole short life.”

No one in this story is having a good time at this point. Even the villains aren't having a good time

The audiobook narration of this chapter is fantastic. Moira Quirk uses her Gideon voice, but gives it a bit more meanness of sorts, more snappishness. It's so good.

Ooh, that sounds interesting!

Do you think, generally, that Gideon seems...meaner...now? A bit of the 'came back wrong' trope?

@dreanner95:

@wellhappybirthdaytomeiguess I personally would say that she seems meaner because we are watching her from Nona's POV. Nona doesn't like her because of how she talks to her family but the way Kiriona talks is not really that different to how she talked to people back in GtN. Now we just don't have her POV anymore to factcheck how she really feels.

I think part of it is that it's through Nona's POV and we aren't getting Gideon's perspective on things, but also I think she definitely is being meaner. Like compare how Palamedes was treating her and reacting to her in the first book versus this:

[galactic-blooms]

Gaia??

*Gaia looks up from the ingredients she's setting out.* Oh, Astrion, hello! How did the date go..?

Really well at first, but then, um...

.. did something happen?

Something happened but I don't know what. She made me a surprise sundae with all of my favorites and I asked how she knew my favorites, and then she started coughing and ran to the bathroom.

What??

Yeah, it was really weird, and she wouldn't come out at all. She just peeked her head out and said I should leave... had a ton of cuts around her neck as well. Think she was scratching herself... not a very fun sight-...

... oh my-.

That's not even it though. My own amulet won't come off. Won't budge or anything.

What? Let me see...

*Astrion goes over and moves his hair out of the way. Gaia tries as she may, but nothing gets it to budge. She stares at it for a while before sighing.*

So that's what Gideon meant by a complex binding spell...

What?! And you still let me wear it?!

I thought it meant binding in a much different way, and that's what I charmed the woodstone to defend against, not this!!

What did you think he meant???

Doesn't matter.. okay- we can try some other ways to get it off. Worst case scenario, we use the notebooks.

You think those will work?

They're our best bet... I'd go to Gideon, but.. I don't know if he can do anything... and the price for it is... well, I don't even want to imagine what he might ask.

*Astrion sighs, sitting down. For once, he doesn't want anything around his neck. Especially not this.*

We'll figure it out. For now, let's... see if some of our own magic will work. Alright?

Yeah... okay. Do you know what kind of magic it is..?

All Gideon mentioned was fae magic....

Fae?? How much else are you hiding from me about that conversation?

I didn't want to discourage you, Astrion. You seemed so happy she liked you and I didn't want my paranoia or feelings to interfere.

Gaia, you're my sister, and you've got some of the best intuition around. You know how I am... if you're concerned with a partner, you tell me. Alright? I really wish I knew about all of this.

... alright.

So.. you don't think Gideon would be able to help?

He may be... but I don't know how. I trust him, but I fear for the price we may have to pay for a service of breaking fae magic from him.

Mm...

... what if he was a fae himself? Or affiliated with them?

....... maybe... I.. suppose it may be possible, he's very insistent on customers knowing the prices of his items... and as far as I know, he hasn't lied before....

... tell you what. He'll be our second-to-last resort. We'll look around and see if we can find books on breaking fae magic or bending the rules. I know I have a couple, there's likely more.

Got it...

.... are you going to be alright?

I don't know, probably, I just.. really thought things were going good. And I have so many questions and just.... urghhh...

*Gaia gently hugs Astrion.*

We'll figure it out. Alright?

Alright...

Good. Let's go to the back and try and get that amulet off then.

*Astrion nods and gets up... and both of them go to the medical room.*

[wifegideonnav]

Okay, so I get that I think Tamsyn has said that while you can draw some clear parallels (Gideon is Female Dave, Harrow is Rose, Ianthe is Vriska), obviously Homestuck and TLT aren't one to one, in the same way that the two other big Would Not Exist Without Homestuck pieces of media, Kill Six Billion Demons and Undertale/Deltarune aren't one to one with it either. That being said. I would like to submit. Isaac is Tavros.

😭 that's so mean. to isaac. wtf.

i don't really see it but let me counter with:

babs is the tavros. obviously i've posted before about how his personality/aesthetic is similar to cronus ampora, but if you think about his relationship with ianthe, i feel like there's definitely some similarities to tavros and vriska.

now ianthe "being a vriska" is something i have a LOT of thoughts about, which i will. probably write out at some point. mainly, while they share surface level plot points and arm deficits, their motivations are very different. i've been holding off tho bc there's a lot we still don't know abt ianthe's motivations while the series is still unfinished. but in general, vriska is a child who has no idea what she's doing and just wants to be safe (although she thinks she wants to be important - and she does, but because she thinks that if she matters enough, she'll stop being vulnerable, both emotionally and physically), whereas ianthe clearly has some actual irons in the fire. (given what little we know about the tridentarii's parents and childhood, i could 100% see ianthe trying to protect herself in a similar way, but we just don't know enough to be sure.)

but to compare babs and tavros:

both the "some guy" wedged in between some very toxically codependent girlies

both killed (run through) with their own weapon by their counterpart in a mysterious facility during a very tense afternoon

you can't tell me that if it was relevant, vriska wouldn't be happy to chew on tavros (use his body for what she's trying to do)

both an intimate part of their counterpart's ascension, in opposite ways

that last point is the most interesting to me, because vriska's ascension involved her own death and ianthe's ascension involved babs's. vriska begged tavros to kill her, and he would not, leaving her to die alone and in pain, whereas ianthe had no qualms about killing babs. as we learn in the unwanted guest, babs's soul has had an effect on ianthe's - they are fusing, in a sense. compare that to the very brief existence of tavrissprite, whose constituent parts could not reconcile and merge. in the end, vriska has always been both obsessed and disgusted with tavros because the world has allowed him to be soft, and kind, and nonviolent - all things that she was never given the chance to be. whereas for ianthe and babs, they have always been fighting side by side, concealing corona's secret and managing third house high society.

so essentially, babs is a tavros who has been strong and active enough to both protect and support his counterpart. while ianthe killed babs because she needed power for whatever she has planned, and she is always going to prioritize coronabeth over anything and anyone else, she had no real beef with him and saw him as, if not an ally, then at least a means to an end whom she didn't mind being bitchy with in the meantime. meanwhile vriska killed tavros not out of necessity or duress, but because he had betrayed and abandoned her at her moment of greatest need and vulnerability, and then decided to be her enemy.

to be honest you didn't ask for any of this longass response lol but to be honester its my blog and i get to rant about vriska if i want 😌 i'd be interested to hear your case for why isaac reminds you of tavros tho! bc i seriously do not see it at this point lmao

[cakepoppresent]

Can You Fight?

Su: Leaving so soon Little man?

Grayson: Oh... yeah I don't want to stay here anymore. I'm leaving with my parents. They just went to get my discharge stuff sorted

Vaughn: Don't stress too much Grayson, things are going to get better

Grayson: Thanks Vaughn, Veronica is actually downstairs with everyone else. She's been really nervous, I'm sure she will be happy to see you

Vaughn: Alright, I'll head out. Don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything

Su: Will you be going back to the dorms?

Grayson: No...my parents have an apartment in the city I'll be there till the semester is over

Su: Are you doing okay?

Grayson: Not really...I thought about what you said and I told Gideon we should take a break

Su: A break?

Su heart explodes with excitement, its happening holy fuck its happening. The universe created this perfect moment. He won't let go of this chance. "Its for the best Grayson, you have to think of your sisters. You wouldn't forgive yourself if something happened to them"

Grayson: I know I know I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to go home either...can you take me out?

Su's head is actually going to explode "Yeah...I'll take you out I'll help you forget. I'll take you anywhere you want to go"

Grayson: Okay...let me talk to my mom and dad"

Brayden and Blair walk in at this moment noticing the closeness between Su and Grayson. Brayden steps forward first "Grayson?"

Grayson: Mom, Dad this is Su, you met him last Winterfest. He brought me to the hospital. I didn't want to go home right now, he's taking me out

Blair: I don't know if that is a good idea, honey. I think it's best if we head home, you've been through something traumatic

Grayson: Mooom!! I don't want to sit at home. I'll be fine I won't stay out too late

Su: I'll take good care of him, Mr. and Mrs. Reeves. You can trust me"

Grayson: So it's settled! Su and I are leaving I'll be home later tonight! Let's go, Su!" Grayson drags Su out of the room and they are gone in an instant

Brayden: I don't like that boy

Blair: You don't like anyone

Brayden: Let's go. I need to speak with Gideon

Blair: Don't scare the poor boy

Vaughn: Hey Princess. Hey Sams. How are you guys holding up

Veroinca: This is the worst! It was obviously Alaia and Gideon's grandparents. I'm going to find her an-

Vaughn: And do what? Beat her up? Can you fight?

Veronica: Well...no...but"

Vaughn: Let's put some trust in Gideon. I'm sure he is handling it

Sams: Vaughn is right Veronica. Let's not make things worse. I believe in Gideon. He has been in love with Grayson since forever.

Veroinca: Can't I at least slap her

Sams: No!

Veronica: Tsk...If I see her I'm slapping her

Vaughn's reply is cut short when he gets tackled from behind

Xaiver: Vaughn! I missed you! it's so boring in Windenburg

Vaughn: Oh man, You're getting heavier. What are they feeding you over there?

Xavier: Let's go out! I have so much to tell you! My mom said I could stay for the summer

Vaughn: Let's all go out. My treat

Xavier: I want steak!

Vaughn: What's a little dude like you doing eating steak

Xavier: How else am I supposed to grow strong and big

Vaughn: Whatever you say Little Dude

Previous - Next

[bookishjules]

Here I am again ....the one with the Simon in the wild bestie

Hehe it's so sweet of you to invite me over for tea 😄

So yeah for the Morgenstern essay I still haven't typed it out ...but it's basically like Clary (protagonist) and Sebastian (antagonist) both were Morgensterns. It's a tainted name in the shadowhunters community right? So my point is something isn't always inherently bad ...it's the circumstances or the fate (or the plot 😗) which makes them bad. Now for Jonathan/ Sebastian bro had been going through torture for all his life as the demon blood burns shadowhunters. He was Raised to be a weapon unlike Jace who was atleast taught other stuff. Upbringing matters a lot in shaping those characters, shaping their powers. Like for comparison if you look at Jace when he was a Wayland...when he was a Morgenstern....when he is a herondale... there's a slight difference in the way he's written or the way he fights ... he's still the same Jace but there's this minute difference you'd notice. So basically the background you're Given also matters a lot ...which happened with Sebastian. If he was given a non-Valentine life/ background....if his blood wasn't infused...if he was brought up in a normal way he'd have definitely led a better life As a Morgenstern and wouldn't have been the one manipulated into being the villian .... maybe he'd have still turned out to be a antagonist who knows. But atleast throughout his life he'd have felt light the way he felt while dying. Maybe clary's fate would've changed if they grew up as siblings who knows. The Morgensterns we've seen till now are all fucked in the head fr. Like even Clary could've gotten her villian arc easily...the clave anyways did not trust her as she was a Morgenstern.

To sum it up ....I feel Morgensterns have a dominant dark side n would be the bad guy ...but you always get a choice to choose your path even if you're blinded by the fate

(I hope my word vomit made sense....I mean these were basically facts which already existed I just typed out my thought process)

Oh for the guy thing ... nothing romantic is going on in plain sight but there gave been moments... really sweet ones. Oh btw last week I sent him the thing I wrote which said 'i want to be written about ' .....as my bday gift guy wrote for me ..which made my day

Anyways I hope you're doing okayyy ヾ⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠*⁠)⁠ﾉヾ⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠*⁠)⁠ﾉ

The nature of last names in the shadowhunters world is such a compelling one, and you're right, it's absolutely something of a metaphor for choosing who you become, who you are. Even during ascension, there's a certain amount of this. You pick a name that you want to be like. You don't pick a name like Morgenstern.

Except... There's also an amount of reclamation when it comes to last names. Gabriel and Gideon worked hard to make the Lightwood name mean something good again after their father tainted it, and I think a large part of their ability to do that comes from Tatiana denouncing the Lightwood name at the same time.

A name doesn't dictate personality, of course, but it does have a certain sway in how you are treated by other shadowhunters, which of course, informs the way you act. It's a whole thing in developmental psychology; natural/genetic temperaments garner certain reactions, which then controls how a child is parented etc., which then has a hand in which other personality traits etc. come to the surface. I think this is very similar to how shadowhunters are raised according to their last name, and how, so often we see a change of name being an indicator of a change of self--because it can be difficult to change when you are still being perceived a certain way.

As for where this leaves us with the Morgensterns... Green-eyed Jonathan is often associated with the last name Fairchild, and I think the reason why is clear. There's an amount of hope there, for a person who never got to be a person--that he would turn out to be better than the man who raised him. And if he had been raised a Morgenstern, even without the demon blood, I do think it would have been more likely for him to become an antagonist, than if he had been raised a Fairchild, simply because one name has a much more negative connotation than the other--especially in the time that Jonathan was being raised. People would have treated him differently as a Morgenstern than they would a Fairchild.

If we're following the logic that somehow Valentine was not a presence in his childhood, this would all have to circle back to Jocelyn, and her decision whether to keep her husband's name or not. I do think there could be scenarios where she did, but I would be more inclined to believe that she would at the very least return to being Jocelyn Fairchild and raise her son with the same name. No, this wouldn't make him immune to the reactions of other shadowhunters, but I do think the choice to step away from the tainted name would be recognized and acknowledged in a positive way. We see a little bit of the opposite happen with Clary, iirc, when she takes up Heosphoros, but she was already at a point, then, when she was ready to treat Morgenstern in a similar way to how Gideon and Gabriel would have treated Lightwood after the events of TID.

It would be so interesting to see how such reclamation would have played out if Clary and Jonathan had been raised as siblings. Would Clary see the way her brother was treated for a name he didn't even use and get angry for him? Would Jonathan work hard to be a good example for his sister, a good steward of the family he was born into? Or would it be something of the opposite? Or would they ever even try to reclaim that name? No Valentine means no "Sebastian" means no continued conversation surrounding the name Morgenstern...

I guess what I'm saying is that maybe there is an inheritable darkness in the Morgensterns, but I think it's possible that the name does as much, if not more, than the genes themselves. Morgensterns have been the bad guys, so they will be painted as such, and future Morgensterns will then have an inclination to fill the shoes and be the bad guys.

Sorry for such a long response!! That essay of sorts really sent some gears spinning I guess lol thank you for sharing!!! (Also happy belated birthday!!!!!! <33)

[iviarellereads]

Gideon the Ninth, Chapter 28

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For detail on The Locked Tomb coverage and the index, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Eighth House icon) In which Gideon has a conversation she never thought she'd have.

Gideon went directly to the Eighth quarters.(1) Her memory's a little fuzzy, but she knows this was the correct choice of actions, even if she can't quite decide why she thought that.

Colum is the one to receive her, in clothes that look as though he's been cleaning. He asks for her sword and second weapon. Gideon protests, but he says he'd be a fool not to make her disarm around his necromancer, and he swears on his honour that nothing inside will hurt her.(2) Gideon doesn't trust him, but she hands over her rapier and glove.

As the rage fades, Gideon starts to regret her choice of actions after leaving Harrow, going to Teacher to find out where the Eighth quarters are. The rooms themselves are very light, airy, and so clean they, or Colum, must have been doing it himself. The only colour is a portrait of the Emperor as Kindly Master(3) placed opposite the table like a beatific and unavoidable dinner partner.

Colum puts Gideon's weapons next to the door, and fetches Silas, who appears to have been in the middle of "ablutions"(4) but is unbothered as he sits and Colum starts combing his thin white hair. He tells Gideon, in very polite words, that he still hates her for the House she represents. Gideon says thanks and asks to sit. Silas allows it.

Gideon says she never swore to the Ninth, and if Silas had talked to Glaurica, he would know that. Silas says a rock doesn't have to take a vow to be a rock, and asks Gideon to remove her hood. Silas wonders where her "phenotype"(5) comes from, perhaps her mother was from the Third. Gideon tells him not to make cryptic comments, he doesn't know the first thing about her mother or herself. Silas says she misunderstands, he was more interested in Gideon's mother than he was in her, when they questioned Glaurica, but ghosts often mistake the useful and the useless.

Wait, ghosts?

Yes, Silas says, Glaurica was a revenant, in fact, the kind of ghost that's so determined to seek out the living and cling to the scraps of their former lives. Glaurica's didn't last long, though. She and Ortus died on the shuttle when it exploded, and wasn't that the shuttle Gideon had intended to take? Gideon has the stray thought that Ortus will "never rhyme melancholy with my mortal folly again" but doesn't confirm or deny Silas's assertion.

Silas continues regardless that he doesn't need the full story. He's here to talk about the children: how many grew up in Gideon's generation? Gideon says nothing. Silas starts with herself and the Reverend Daughter, but adds a questioning tone, pressing the question of more. Gideon asks if he wants a census. No, he says, he wants her to think about why they two represent an entire generation. He wants her to think about the deaths of two hundred children when she and Harrow, alone, lived.

Gideon says he's picked the wrong thing to try to slam Harrow with. The flu happened before Harrow was even born, when Gideon was only about a year old. Gideon's heard about it her whole life. Bacteria in the vents took out the notoriously frail children of the Ninth, and she's always thought she might have lived because the other children had avoided her. Silas says that vent bacteria don't kill immunoefficient(6) teenagers.

Gideon thinks it doesn't make sense, why would the Ninth kill an entire generation? Their population has been waning for centuries. Killing any child would be "a horrifying waste of resources" and the creche flu was an extinction event.

Gideon asks if he's saying the Reverend Father and Mother killed hundreds of their own kids. He doesn't answer. Colum finishes styling his hair, and starts making tea.

"The Ninth House is a House of broken promises," said Silas. "The Eighth House remembers that they were not meant to live. They had one job--one rock to roll over one tomb; one act of guardianship, to live and die in a single blessedness--and they made a cult instead. [...] I do not know why the Emperor suffered that shadow of a House.(7) That mockery of his name. A House that would keep lamps lit for a grave that was meant to pass into darkness is a House that would kill two hundred children. A House that would kill a woman and her son simply for attempting to leave is a House that would kill two hundred children."

Gideon is unsettled, but asks why they would do that, kill a whole generation of children but not herself or Harrow. Silas says she should tell him, since Gideon's the one who tried to leave in a shuttle with a bomb. He continues softly that he doesn't think any child of that House should become a Lyctor. He's not sure anyone at all should become a Lyctor. Power isn't inherently good, and cleverness isn't necessarily truth. Maybe no one should have that power, and that's why he must take Gideon's keys.

Gideon is "almost disappointed" that that's all this is about. Silas says he's doing it for the greater good of all the Houses. Gideon asks, what if she says no? Then he will challenge her for them, and she might find the duel difficult without her sword.

Gideon looks over at Colum Asht, expecting him to have his sword out already with a grin, but he's dropped his needlework and is staring at his necromancer. He says he promised that Gideon would find no violence here. Silas says that's fine, an oath made to the Ninth is meaningless, as their hearts are barren and black. Gideon searches her brain for a witty retort, but Colum beats her to it, saying he's "not worried about the Ninth's heart". He swore on his honour that Gideon would not be hurt. Silas maintains his position, but Colum asks what his honour means to his uncle.

Gideon stays dead still throughout this exchange, so they don't notice her and she might be able to mount an escape since her things are by the door anyway.

Silas says he won't debate words here, he will help Colum to atone later, but-- but Colum says he is Silas's cavalier. He has his sword, and his honour. Everything else is Silas's. Silas says if Colum objects so much, then he can take Colum's sword without asking, and lifts his arm as if to start siphoning. Gideon senses this could be game over, but she looks away from Silas and accidentally locks eyes with Colum, unable to look away until Colum comes to some sort of decision.

"Once upon a time you would've taken everything I said as gospel," he said, in a very different voice. "I used to think that was worse than now ... but I was wrong."

Silas turns to look at Colum, the first time he's looked at anything but Gideon since he entered the room. Colum says he respected the child Silas once was, but he can't stand the man he's become. Silas suggests he recall his oath, but Colum says he was one of three brothers engineered with different blood types, undergoing a decade of treatments, waiting to see who Silas would need for maximum compatibility. He was made into a man who doesn't "pick and choose his decencies!"

Colum jerks his chin in Gideon's direction, then turns and walks to the door. Gideon, operating on an instinctive level that senses that escape might be imminent, follows him. Silas doesn't move. Colum hands Gideon's sword back to her, cavalier to cavalier.

And his eyes were the eyes of a man who had just tied his own noose.

Gideon takes the blade, knowing that she owes him. He says the next time they meet, they're unlikely to both walk away. Gideon says "Yeah" in a way she hopes implies her apology. Colum hands her the knuckle knife, and suggests she get away from here. Gideon half wants to take him with her, but knows he wouldn't leave anyway, so she goes quietly.

As she walked away, she braced for a sudden burst of angry voices, yelling, recriminations, maybe even a cry of pain. But there was only silence.

=====

(1) Gideon's great betrayal is still not, in fact, disobeying Harrow's direct order. She doesn't go to Dulcinea, she doesn't even precisely break ranks. She does something she knows will piss Harrow off but that was never explicitly forbidden. I just cannot with my feelings about these two and THEIR feelings. (2) How much do we think this is careful wordplay about the nuances between hurt and harm? To my understanding "hurt" is a sharp, acute, and typically physical thing, while "harm" has a much broader definition. I wouldn't discount Muir purposely playing the words like piano keys in this way. (3) What could this mean, and why is it colourful? (4) Ablution - the act of washing oneself. A word that's often used and maybe clear from context but not a lot of people actually look it up so I'm pretty sure I've seen it used to refer to other bathroom activities. (5) More gene terms! Phenotype is the visible expression of a gene, typically the most dominant version you carry. Most things have more than one factor, but for example, in the main gene for hair colour, a brown version will override (is dominant over) a blond version (the recessive one), so even if you had from your parents one blond and one brown gene, you'd have a brown hair phenotype. Gideon's red hair phenotype must be unusual, for Silas to remark on it this way. (6) Immunodeficient means the immune system is less than it should be. Immunoefficient, as used here, means an immune system that's working as expected. (7) I dunno, seems awfully presumptuous to question your still-living God Emperor if you claim to be doing his will.

[livia-dovehallow]

26 for gabrily

26. What would you describe as OOC?

I've talked at great length with @zoyalannister about what is OOC for Gabriel so I have lots to say!

So I'll start with him.

I think the number one thing that is out of character for Gabriel would be any kind of infidelity or unfaithfulness. Loyalty is his defining character trait, both the good and the bad of it, so it just isn't in his nature to be a cheater or turn his back on people he loves (even if it comes at a cost).

The best example of this is CP and CP2: he quite literally does not finally realize the error of his father's ways until the literal last second because he values loyalty to his family name above all else and wanted to believe his father so he did. This came at the cost of further straining his relationship with Gideon. All of CP2 is Gabriel struggling to reconcile what he used to know with his new reality and in the end, realizes that loyalty doesn't have to be a flaw, and it becomes his best quality because he now recognizes who is deserving of his loyalty and who isn't.

This leads into something else I think is out of character for Gabriel: being a bad husband/father. For one, it just isn't true. But also, as we see from TLH, he has a great relationship with his kids and his marriage is strong (almost always mentioned to be seen with Cecily and Alex, and Anna and Kit always have positive things to say about their parents).

It would be out of character for Gabriel to be a bad husband and father because of all the growth he had in CP2 to unlearn everything his father had taught him about right and wrong. Benedict was a terrible husband and mediocre father (I think he loved his kids, ultimately, but had quite strict and morally ambiguous teachings for them). Gabriel's arc is one of the best I've ever read, and it makes no sense for him to turn out to be anything other than a faithful husband and loving father.

He'd learn a lot from Gideon, of course, and he and Cecily would aspire to be the kind of parents their children feel comfortable around--and I'd argue they succeeded. Out of all the TLH kids, Anna and Kit are the only ones who feel they can be themselves fully with their parents. Everyone else lies or hides some part of themselves for whatever reason. (Yes, Anna hid herself for a while, but we see in EET that they knew for a while before she said anything, but by TLH, she's herself, even with her romantic turmoil).

Now, Cecily!

To me, something that would be massively out of character for her is (unfortunately) apparently canon (but we ignore that around here). She'd never be one to remain docile and delicate. In CP2, her character arc shows her accepting and embracing that she feels alive when she fights and that being a Shadowhunter gives her the purpose she'd always wanted. This doesn't take away from the fact that Cecily is also a romantic and did want to find love and be a mother. These two things can (and do!) exist at once. Cecily is girly, and loves love, and also enjoys throwing knives and killing demons.

Maternity leave aside, I think Cecily would have fought as an active Shadowhunter until her body actually gave out on her in old age. Being a fighter is in her blood, she's naturally gifted at it, and I don't think she'd give it up, even as a mother (especially when her children also are Nephilim and fight just as she does).

Something I love about Cecily is how she can be witty and impulsive but also quiet and thoughtful. We see this a lot in Gabriel's internal monologue in CP2 (lol). He observes that she can actually be quite different from her brother and is entirely her own person away from him, which not many people consider of her since she is young and they knew Will first. Cecily also, in her own POV in CP2, described herself as lonely and observant.

Because of this, I think something out of character for Cecily would be to self-isolate. She grew up lonely, always being keenly aware of others and their emotions, but no one ever paid her any attention because they were so absorbed in their own issues and thoughts. Now that she's found and created this new family of hers, she's blossomed, and I don't think she'd ever want to go back to feeling lonely, especially not doing it to herself. She'd seek out the comfort or company she desires because now she is surrounded by people who do pay her attention and will listen to her.

Thanks for asking!

[peacehopeandrats]

NaNo, Random List

Rolled again today and got this gift of a collection. I had originally wanted only 5 things, but when I realized I'd put in 7 by accident I'd already created the fic out of most of them, so they stay. (I was trying to get the page to work properly and kept putting in random numbers before just Googling the page to go to the proper link. Sometimes this site is the worst.)

"I know why you're doing this," Rogers hissed through the bars of Gideon's cell.

Gideon wished he had enough frustration built up to scream or pull at his hair or something, but he didn't feel anything anymore. He was so very tired of everyone telling him what he needed or wanted. They might have known his parents or even known him years ago before they left town, but they couldn't claim to know HIM.

"You really don't." Gideon said at last, pushing the words through clenched teeth. "Please just let me serve this sentence and move on to exile."

"Self imposed exile." The Detective opened the cell and deposited the breakfast plate he'd brought, the side of it practically overflowing with vegetable omlette and toast with jam. "You're a traveler," he told Gideon. "You don't know how to go about a life in one place. There's nothing wrong with that. But you don't have to permanently ship yourself off to somewhere else to find happiness. Go live in a hut in Cambodia for a while or raft down the amazon! You could even travel back to the Enchanted Realms and pay tribute to all the things you've done in the past. Just don't do THIS to yourself."

"I man handled the Princess," Gideon grumbled, forcing himself to look away. "I have no right to-"

"What is this? Some exaggeration of suffering for all the things you did in the past?" The once pirate was shouting now, swinging one arm to encompass the sheriff's office in a single, sweeping arc. "No one here thinks you have any connection at all to the version of yourself that tried to ki-"

"Sorry." Emma's voice cut through the Detective's protest so sharply that he actually staggered backward a step. Gideon hadn't seennher enter, but she now stood near her desk, holding up a frm in one hand and giving them a helpless shrug. "I need the copy paper."

Rogers sighed as if there were something more to this interruption than either of them were letting on. In fact, Gideon knew that there was. His father had always refused to retell tales of their days together before the Final Battle, leaving Gideon to assume that something tragic had befallen them to cause what Lex had labeled his "reboot" after the battle had been won.

The hook on the Detective's hand lifted toward one of the nearby doors, then fell again. "I put it in the closet."

"Thanks," she said, eyeing the two of them warily before speaking again. "So... Do either of you know why there's a slightly obese stone lizard man on the roof?"

Rogers left the cell and stormed away, not even bothering to close it or lock Gideon inside. "His friend," he gripped on the way out. "Come to steal him away from us in the night."

[empty-pizza]

wait shit this means that now i have to guess who the killer is

i'm pretty decent at guessing when someone's about to die because the death flags and all. showcasing how nice and pleasant magnus is was on the subtler end of that but was definitely one of them. but guessing the answer to a murder mystery? i'm not good at that, not at all.

so hmm. what do i have to go off of? incoming speculation without a conclusion.

okay so it can't be someone overly suspicious or hostile to the protagonists, because that's always too easy. so not that uncle guy.

can't be gideon or harrow because they have the only alibi i can trust as a reader.

i can't remember anything the people from House #2 have done so unless they get more focus coming up, they're probably not narratively important enough.

i don't think it's the teenagers. ngl i just don't think they have it in them. it'd just feel more like a joke than an answer, if they're the killers.

narratively i think the most interesting answer is whatever is the most emotionally torturous for gideon. that would be dulcinea, who seems mysterious and savvy enough that i could believe it. she's got the muscle working for her.

that reminds me, it has to be someone who is strong enough to overpower Magnus. which is not a high bar (clever of the author to set it up that way). but i feel like that rules out the teenagers further. unless this was done with skeletons. i don't know close to enough about the magicks involved to know if taking out Abigail would be difficult, but it's possible this either required a greater necromancer or a surprise attack. basically anybody could be the greater necromancer.

scratch that, harrow is still on the list, she could be remotely controlling a skeleton to do this. this does, however, require a severe level of manipulativeness on this part, because if she had a plan to kill them then she'd have been lying when she implied urgency to Gideon, that they needed to go do the thing before Abigail, as a way of setting up her plan and alibi. i think that it's probably not her though, it would be an extremely bold and risky decision by the author — but the reputation of the series has led me to believe it may very well make that kind of decision.

another emotionally torturous option for gideon would be if it's the twins, since she's so horny for one of them. it could also be only one of the twins. lots of unknowns here in what their motives are. they are a bit on the nasty side, the "it would be too obvious if it was them" side, but most of that hasn't been directed toward the protagonists themselves, which i feel like leaves them a bit open as an option.

palamedes is for sure an option. the thing is, there's more than one way this could go. he definitely has plans of his own and is narratively important, but this kind of thing is all about subversion. if gideon immediately starts suspecting him, then it's very likely it's not him, but if we don't consider the option, it could spring it on us. this applies to basically all of the options.

that last point is why i'm not good at predicting these things. i can see ways for the story to handle it that would make any of these things possible and i can't find any guarantees. the author has plenty of choices at her disposal.

that said my tentative guess is dulcinea because it would, again, make gideon sad.

thoughts on gideon the ninth chapter sixteen

called it :)

[mayasaura]

I don't have the book at hand to quote, but what struck me when I was reading it was John going desperately from how he had to make them his hands and fingers!! to keep them!! he IMMEDIATELY segues into how he's so sad he had to feed the revenant beasts his fingers to keep them away :( it was so awful that they made him do that :( like he makes them possessions then having objectified them he justifies having to destroy his Things to keep himself safe. which I think is where he and Harrow are going to diverge. (noting that they've already taken very different tactics as far as the order of what gets kept safe)

It's the very next line! This quote picks up exactly where the last one left off:

That's definitely a legit way to read this passage, though it's not the way I prefer to. I mean. Hypocrisy found in God, fork found in kitchen. Come on. But yeah, that's an undeniably fucked up trajectory.

More seriously, I see John's chapters of Nona the Ninth as a confession, rather than as a justification. It's not meant to be coherent or consistant, just emotionally honest. He's expressing how he felt in the moments he made his decisions and asking to be understood, but he's not asking to be affirmed, or forgiven. "Just as there can be no forgiveness for me," and all.

The way in which his story does make sense—the way he's choosing to frame it—is fascinating for what it shows about John and what he's so deeply afraid of, in his heart of hearts. He loved them, and he sacrificed them, and then he sacrificed them again, but at least they didn't leave him.

And yet even in his confession there are still levels on which he seems to sincerely not understand what he's done wrong—mostly surrounding the autonomy and personhood of other people. Like you said, he objectifies people. He loves them as extensions of himself, because that is the only thing he understands as being real. He has no peers, as he is God. His closest friends are his fists and gestures, the fingers on his hand. As necessary to him as a limb, and losing them cripples him, but he doesn't understand them as people in their own right at all. And that lack of respect and understanding leads to him treating them horrifically.

It's kind of sad, in a way. Not to jump tracks completely, but the way John loves reminds me of this quote from episode 55 of Welcome to Night Vale:

It's presented in the context of a romantic couple, but it works more broadly. lt seems like the only way John knows how to love is by subsuming what he loves into himself, becoming one. Leaving him once again alone.

What's interesting is that he appears to know this about himself. Right in this quote, he directly compares himself to the Resurrection Beasts. Revenants that crack open worlds to eat their souls for sustenance, then pack the dead shells onto their exteriors to become part of themselves. As he sees it, the difference is that the Resurrection Beasts will eventually be satisfied. He won't be.

As for the parallels between John and Harrow, I don't think we need to look for where they're going to diverge. I think we can point to where they already have. And it's a fair comparison, to a time before John was God.

Look at John's reaction to his cult schisming, here:

He loves his friends, but he doesn't trust them. Deep down, he believes their love is conditional. If he fucks up, if he's caught slipping, if he admits he's wrong, he'll lose them. He's terrified of anyone finding out he's flawed, of the ugly parts of him being known, because he's certain anyone who sees that part of him will leave. He's gone ten thousand years like that, compounding lies to make them stay.

Harrow has a similarly harsh expectation of herself, but she's already taken her leap of faith, and let the mask drop. She's told the people she loves exactly who and what she is, with the full expectation they would punish or abandon her for it. With the full expectation Gideon would kill her for it, in the pool scene. And Gideon embraced her. She confronted Ortus with her failings in the River, and Ortus comforted her, and still chose to stay and risk his life to save her.

The people who loved John would have done the same for him. Did do the same for him. They stayed through his breakdown, they stayed by his side until it killed them, but John could never let his guard down enough to trust that they would have done it just for him. He couldn't submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

This is all, of course, working with the basic premise that the way John treats people is horrific, and he did have all the opportunites in the world to stop. He could have taken that plunge any time in the ten thousand and thirty-something years he's been alive, if he'd been strong enough to accept the consequences or believed in the rewards. It was all so fucking avoidable, but here we are. My favorite kind of tragedy.

[dankmyfarrik]

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind | Chapter 6: Closure

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Summary: An alternate universe where the only thing that happens differently is… well, the Emperor wins. And Luke wakes up with a mysterious scar on his temple.

Read it here:

Archive Of Our Own

Warnings: Description of blood, major character injury.

The sterile lights in the Descant were harsh and overwhelming–Din should be used to it by now, but a knot formed in his throat, and his eyes widened. Even harsher were his thoughts - the words with Boba playing over and over again like a broken holo in his head, showing him no mercy.

Natus was a Jedi or whatever that meant. How did he go from being a "goodie two shoe disciple," as Fett eloquently said, to well… now – a snarl on his lips, golden eyes staring daggers into Solo as if he were meat.

Solo knew what had happened. He was intimate enough in Natus' life to call him by his name. Luke. Sweet as the summer sun. As deadly as the fire from which it originates. He didn't say, Commander. Solo didn't name him by his last moniker. He didn't say, General or Sir. No–Solo said Luke.

Din could've had his answers.

But he was too slow to think and act. And now, possibly, the only one who may have known something was being dragged away–troopers on all his sides. And there was nothing Din could do about it.

Gideon–with a man beside him–approached Natus. Solo threw comments over his shoulder but was pushed back and back to the elevators. "A cell under my jurisdiction," Natus had said.

Gideon seeing the struggle smiled. But the man on Gideon's left, a lab coat too big for his small frame and thick glasses falling off his nose, looked as though he could be sick.

"Hello Pershing," Natus smiled in a seemingly overfriendly greeting, "What brings you here?" Natus never turned his face from Solo until he was shoved into the elevator, the doors closing.

"Lord Natus, the most recent binders test was successful."

His eyes widened.

"That can't be applicable to all subjects!" A random man in a general's uniform interjected, storming up to the group, pushing the scientist–Pershing–to the side, his voice an urgent panic, "She's just a g–"

Pershing tried to defend himself, "Don't underestimate her–"

"You expect me to believe that! I'm not risking my life just because you think–"

Natus jerked his head to the side, and the man's neck snapped, dropping to the floor. Dead. Din startled, praying to Maker the visor hid everything and masked his sharp inhale.

Natus turned to leave, but Gideon stepped in his way.

"Since she is no longer useful to you. I am moving her under my jurisdiction where I can wholly appreciate her talents."

His eyes flared brighter, fists clenching at his sides and forcing a smile, "I'm noticing a pattern here Gideon…"

Natus didn't know why his Master put Gideon instead of himself in charge of… well, he didn't actually know what Gideon and Pershing did to the bounties brought in. He had just seen the aftermath–the pieces of people in the aftermath.

There was a churning in his stomach, a feeling persistent in his dreams.

Empathy.

He squeezed his eyes shut, sweat speckling his forehead, whispering to himself, "Through strength, I gain power."

Through strength, I gain power.

ThroughstrengthIgainpower.

Strength.

Power.

His eyes burned.

Fear, anger, and empathy, it was all Gideon's fault.

"You know the funny thing about death, Gideon? Once your dead, all the fun, limitless possibilities are gone. Death isn't what you should fear from me. It would be boring in comparison. Because unlike that waste of oxygen," Natus pointed to the general dead on the ground, blood slowly falling from his lips, "I know your screams wouldn't be a waste of my time. The gifted children stay where they have been assigned."

Natus turned to Din, eyes raking over his figure, "I'll head down to the containment center when I'm done here." Then he spun on his heel, heading straight to his quarters, expecting Din to follow.

He does.

–

What did they do to you.

Din knew he should be focusing on Solo's comment, asking subtle questions–finding answers. But as a thumb smoothed over the head of his cock. The blond's breath hot on his neck, slowly gasping. Tugging at the strands peeking out from the helm–twisting the curls between his fingers–relishing the pull on his scalp. Panting. Something ragged, hot, and desperate fading into the calm waves on a beach. Sun above the water, melting into the sea, bright burning colors of sunset molding with the start of dusk.

The blond came, splattering his seed across Din's stomach - a few more thrusts he was there as well, collapsing–dead to the world. Reality mellowy returning, yet so far away. Not yet. Now they listen to each other's breaths, soothing over scars, ignoring their mess.

–

Light light light.

He was walking through the sky - clouds around him. Something dark far below, but he couldn't quite reach the darkness no matter how hard he tried.

A figure appeared in front of him, holding out a stubby-clawed hand. The creature's mouth moved, but he could not interpret the words. He fell deeper, darker. Master Yoda, help me! Something flickered–a strobe light, hurting his head–a war between darkness and sight. He fell through the clouds to an abyss far below.

But it clung to him.

Love, hope, empathy.

Forgiveness.

Natus woke up screaming. In his terror, he threw his blood-stained pillow to the floor and ran to the fresher, gagging up nothing. He turned to see his reflection–pink nose, teary blue eyes. Disgraceful.

–

"Marshall, I have a favor to ask of you," Din had said, the Descant nothing more than a speck behind him.

"Anything." Cara had smiled back.

Now, having retrieved his bid, the Crest aimlessly orbited Navarro. Light poured into the cabin as the Crest drifted by the southern end of the planet.

Din rotated the old holo disk in his hand, feeling a nervous pull in his chest. The smooth disk, scratched with age, worn against the strangely soft yet tattered texture of the glove face. Din's hands didn't tremor against the on-switch. It was a habit conditioned away - a learned practice from years of missed targets and the durasteel taking one too many unnecessary hits.

The hold darkened as Navarro eclipsed the sun flooding everything with shadows.

With a gentle press and a click, the rusted holo flickered to life, and Din lost his breath.

Luke.

The image was in terrible condition - speckled with static, scratches with layers of discoloration–it was as if he were holding the last vestige of a fragment in history. History that was meant to be snubbed out by the Empire. Luke was a legend, a fable, only living on through word of mouth, but when he asked Cara for anything, even a scrap of evidence, Din could have never expected this.

He was just a boy.

Luke was what Din had heard, a cocky flyboy joining the resistance at such a young age with so much to prove. A medallion hung around his neck, and he looked out into the crowd with so much pride, sneaking a bright smile.

Quickly yet carefully, Din removed his helmet, his hair fluffing out, and placed the visor on his lap. He eyed closer, and despite the rust and ruin, Luke's eyes were still so blue. Even more of a vibrant, spirited blue.

Luke had no bags under his eyes or the weight of stress in his smile.

He had no scars.

He was like sunshine, pure joy and youth radiating from him.

Solo, younger himself, stood next to Luke, and regret drowned him once more. The holo flickered in a warning–the device on its last limb. Din panicked, eyes frantically drinking in all the image had to offer. There was a beautiful woman behind them with a soft smile and strikingly familiar features. He would have to find her–if she was still breathing–that was his only hope.

He reached out to caress Luke's face, the electrics giving way at his touch. Soft pink cheeks, rosy lips, yellow-blond hair instead of platinum. Maybe one day they will meet.

The holo sparked then flickered out, leaving Din in darkness with his hand hovering in the air, the engine rumbling below his feet and, worst of all–his thoughts. Maybe one day he will meet Luke, but the realistic part of him knew that boy and his smile would never come back to how things were.

–

The elevator doors slid shut behind him, and Natus stormed through the hold of the Descant towards his room. Blood dripped from his fists and splattered on his white boots, across his cloak, and maybe on his neck and chin–he didn't check.

Needless to say, Troopers and officials alike gave him a wide birth when he passed, only exchanging glances once they thought he could no longer see or sense their fear. Those fidgeting hands and nervous glances were normally satisfying, but today, it all just felt…off.

He turned down yet another hall, more people practically jumping out of the way, and Natus all but ran back to his room, that feeling seeping into his skin, itching more than the blood stuck and drying to his flesh.

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

The freshers' faucet clicked on, the water scalding, steam begging to settle on the mirror. But he couldn't look at himself anyway, fear his body may betray him. Not now. Not after Solo.

Through passion, I gain strength.

He put his hands under the water and ignored the burning. The water began to turn pink, and Natus scrubbed more and more, but the blood wouldn't disappear, cleaning all the way up to his bicep–he scrubbed his face, and sure enough, some had splattered there too. And it all felt wrong. The water color darkened some more.

It was as if the blood could taint a whole ocean.

Natus was occasionally assigned to torture people before. That wasn't the issue. But now, he felt a twinge in his gut he could not shake. A dryness in his throat, he recognized as the pull to the light. The thought was terrifying.

Through strength, I gain power.

"Leia," Natus mouthed more than whispered.

"Leia," it was slightly louder this time–to taste the words on his tongue. In his agony, Solo kept screaming something about this person and saying she had a brother.

Puzzling.

Natus internally scolded himself. He shouldn't read into the cravings of an obviously delusional man. But he couldn't shake the feeling–everything felt off.

Through power, I gain victory.

A pain registered in his hands, and he looked down–the blood long disappeared down the drain. But his hands here burned and red. He retracted them in shock, the movement causing him to catch the absence of glowing yellow in the mirror.

He swiped across the gathered steam, the cool mist on the transparisteel offering little relief for his hand. And sure enough–

Blue. Blue. Blue.

Shameful.

His eyes. Always. Prominently. No matter how much he slaved away. And it filled him with nothing but shame.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

How many years of training has he had? It was his nightmares–it was Solo's fault and maybe this Leia. But her name didn't sound like it was her fault. She sounded kind.

He screamed, fist punching the mirror, and it fractured his reflection. But still held the pieces together with angry jagged lines cutting through. Now he looked like a monster, his eyes burning and fragments of glass caught in his fists. He gripped the sink–thinking of his Master. Palpatine's eyes always bore the mark of the sith; they never betrayed him.

Natus punched the mirror, again and again, his grip on the sink finally giving way, and the plaster shattered, the water spilling out onto the floor.

But it all still felt wrong–like a teen not comfortable in their body, nothing was a fit. Everything was broken. He was broken.

Peace is a like there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.

Through power, I gain victory.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

He huddled into a ball in the corner of the fresher and repeated his code–his ethics and morals over and over till hours went by, and his voice gave out, and a black droid unlocked the door and escorted Natus to the medbay.

–

His hands had mostly healed by the next time Natus saw his father.

They stood with darkness all around them, comforting despite his hands wrapped with gauze–the only reminder of his doubts.

"You wanted to speak with me, father?"

"We've sensed your," he paused, voice practically shaking the floor, "dreams are continuing."

"Yes," Natus breathed, having too much pride to admit they've been getting worse. And he was about to speak again before Vader beat him to it.

"They Mandalorian you repeatedly bring to your quarters."

It wasn't even phrased as a question, simply a string of words that caused heat to lick up the back of his neck–he wasn't keen to talk about his sex life with his father.

But, he was determined to defend himself, his Master teaching him that much at least, "I did not realize what I was doing was wrong. We are not wicked like the light. You can have," Natus swallowed, "relations. Correct?"

"Yes." The black helmet nodded. "But you must feel your anger and fear of loss. The possession. Only then are you allowed to continue."

He nodded. But he didn't want to feel those things with the Mandalorian, though. He wanted something…softer. Warmer. He used to crave the rough and wanton but now?

It was happening again–that pull to the light. He wanted to scream at his father, beg him to clear these awful desires and thoughts away, replace them with the comfort of numbed anger.

In a moment of humiliating weakness, he brought his sins to his loved teacher, "I feel the good and light within me, father, and I am scared."

There was a pause. Guilt flooded his entire being.

But by a grace of mercy, he responded, "Is the Mandalorian the cause?"

"No." Maybe. "The Mandalorian is not in my nightmares. Solo is."

"Is Solo still alive?"

Natus looked down at his fists in shame.

"Yes father."

"Then let's give him a visit.

–

Natus rose from his bed from the best night's sleep he had since he could remember.

The night before, his father had stayed with him for Solo.

It was invigorating. Reassuring in his darkness.

"Doubt is normal," His father said while Solo screamed, returning the twisting in Natus' gut, "but do not give in."

Natus tightened his grip around the man's neck.

"Channel your anger."

The screams grew quieter and finally stopped.

His eyes had never burned a brighter yellow. Power unlike anything before in his veins, lifting his feet off the ground, wind blowing his cape.

"You will be alright, my son," his father chuckled deeply as Natus regulated his heavy breathing.

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