"Now can we please get on with the meeting already? The monarchy isn't gonna overthrow itself, y'know."
(ID: Kirby series fanart comic, Kintsugi AU, featuring Dark Meta Knight stuck in a mission debriefing, clearly bored and letting his thoughts wander towards a certain rat thief, much to the frustration of his old friend/begrudging henchperson, Mirror Sailor Dee. Transcript below the cut. END ID.)
Me: wants rarepair shenanigans. Also me: wants compelling plotlines. Also me: compromises by making an absurd amount of notes for yet another highly-detailed and overcomplicated AU. Also me: tired of my nonsense.
Started 03/09/24, finished 03/10/24.
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Transcript:
Panel 1
*A dimly-lit, nondescript room, the plain walls tacked with papers and sticky notes depicting scribbled writing and various images, such as the Dimension Mirror, Dark Matter, the sword Master, a crossed-out headshot of Shadow Dedede, and the symbol for anarchy. DMK sits at a simple table looking off to our left with lidded eyes, leaning his head on one hand, the other tapping idly against the tabletop (SFX: tmp tmp). Three thought bubbles float over his head, each showing a different physical feature of Daroach - his sharp-toothed smile, his long claws, and his big ears respectively. A faint blush can be seen just behind the knight's mask.*
Panel 2
M!Sailor: (from off-screen, depicted as a simplified Waddle Dee head with two slash scars on their right cheek, wearing a white sailor cap with a blue-and-periwinkle ribbon, a blue bill, and two fishing hooks embedded in the top, yelling with their eyes squeezed shut) Hey, scarface! Quit daydreaming about your boyfriend for five seconds and pay attention!
*DMK startles, eyes shrunk to little gold lines, the arm holding up his head slipping out from under him, nearly bumping his chin on the table.*
Panel 3
*DMK turns sharply to our right to point and glare at M!Sailor off-screen, slamming his fist down on the table (SFX: THUD!).*
DMK: (angrily) Hey, shut up, he's not my-
Panel 4
*DMK pauses, his eyes once more shrunk to points, his pointing hand dropping a bit as he realizes what he just said (shown by an ellipses over his head). A tiny bit of blush can be seen through the mask.*
Panel 5
DMK: (glaring and pointing once more, the blush in his face more noticeable, visibly sweating) I mean, I am paying attention!
M!Sailor: (from off-screen, looking unimpressed with half-lidded eyes) Nice cover, Boss. Very convincing.
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Hair
They say that hair holds stories, that the style is what makes a man.
They say long locks make you a pansy and a real man should have it short lest they be mistaken for a girl.
Where I grew up, every man buzzed their hair down.
It was a shame for it to be long and shaggy, and mothers would fuss over you, insisting upon a haircut.
For girls, it was fine.
They could have hair as long as they wanted or as short as they needed, so long as it wasnt buzzed as short as a man’s.
Being anything else just wasn’t a thing round these parts where churches chimed every sunday, pastors clammoring around resturants and filling their quotas in a single lunch.
So I buzzed mine.
I tried as hard as I could to seem as manly as possible
To appear as bull of a brute as any cowboy should.
I wore all the boy things and had all the short boy hair.
My scalp was sensitive anyways, so I thought it didn’t bother me.
It was better shorter.
Wasnt it?
I still gazed and clammored about the anime boys I saw on screen or in Otome games though.
I gushed about how pretty they were with hair down their backs like a silken curtain, or whipping wild through the air like the mane of a lion.
Legolas was never deemed as not manly enough
Beither was Zen or inuyasha or the undertaker.
A crush, I supposed.
Because of course thats all it was.
I was a gay little boy with gay little crushes and my type was men with long, Beautiful hair.
Right?
My hair was a dull, discolored brown from the shimmering blonde it used to be, the blonde I remember from kindergarten.
I tried to return to that blonde with bleach.
My school didnt allow unnatural colors, so anything was better than that matted, oily brown.
Shaved short and as platinum as a ken doll, I should have been as man as ever.
4 years, I stayed like that, and while the short hair was easy to take care of, I felt as hideous as a pile of sludge.
It didnt matter if I was loved for my looks, I supposed.
Wouldn’t that be too vain of me?
Boys weren’t supposed to care about what they looked like, they werent supposed to coo and admire Beautiful hair or seethe in jealousy that their sister looked so much better and has such long, goregous hair.
It wasn’t until after high school that I began to explore.
Covid let me grow my hair out more, though I still trimmed the sides.
I let my bangs grow long and shaggy over my face, like a veil to hide me from the world.
Eventually I dyed it again, this time going with that green I had always wanted to try, the one I had seen on my favorite youtuber growing up, fluffy and emerald.
Still, for years more, I kept it short. Only allowing that fringe to hover over me as some sort of style.
Recently though, I’ve realized I want that hair that those anime men had.
I want that soft curtain rolling down my back like waves of an ebony river, flecks of mossy green dotting it like a miasma of toxin flowing through the oily black stream.
I want the hair like the ring girl
The people around me are foolish and prudent to think the length of ones hair makes you more or less of a man.
I know that now, and I’m glad I do.
I want to stop pretending not to like things
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still suffering from bad motorcity brainrot so my brain conjured up a funny ass scenario where the gang finally learns more about texas' family.
well, more than just "texas has a real big family"
based off of chris p's confirmation that texas was going to have cerebral parents who are the exact opposite of him
Mike is of course the first one to interrupt the conversation and greet him, noticing all the screens his best friend had pulled up. Then, when a semi-preoccupied Chuck didnt immediately answer back, Mike sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees.
Chuck shuffles in on socked feet to the pile of Burners casually lounging in their main living room area and chatting.
"Hey, Chuckles. I said good morning!"
Chuck looked up suddenly, as if just realizing where he was.
"O-OH yeah hey guys, morning ahaha..." Chuck ran a nervous hand through his hair, revealing a furrowed brow that Mike immediately noticed.
"What's with all the screens so early in the day? You're usually halfway through breakfast before pulling one of those up," Mike chided jokingly.
"Uh so, like, late last night--"
"Morning. You mean early in the morning," Mike grinned, and then exclaimed when Chuck reached for a pillow to toss at his face.
"Last night..." Chuck continued, "I noticed something going on with the east gate. It's weird, the battery we found should have been full enough to last us 'til the end of the year but uh... yeah it's totally drained now, guys." By now, Chuck was taking a seat next to Mike and letting his friend lean into his space to study the screens. "And I was lookin' at the new motion sensors we installed recently and it seems like it drained fast right after someone... or something moved near it a couple nights ago."
Julie waggled her head, considering Chuck's words. "Could be a lot of things, honestly. That fusion battery wasn't really meant to last long anyways, it was only a temporary fix at the time."
"Yeah but if someone's trying to siphon off battery power from the gates, that could be a real big problem in the future," Dutch put in.
Texas kicked his legs in the air from where he laid on a beanbag at everyone's feet. "Wait, the eastern gate? Isn't that gate the one that was havin' problems that one time Kane busted in like about a year ago?" He crunched on some mystery substance in a plastic container.
Most likely something from Jacob's kitchen.
Mike laughed. "The very same, buddy."
"Tch'aaww that gate's lame. It keeps breakin' all the time! I wouldn't be surprised if it's just old and basically turning into total junk."
Julie turned to Mike and Dutch. "Y'know, he might be right--"
"Duh, Texas is always right!"
"...That gate really does have some history. It was the first offically maintained entrance into Motorcity years ago when Deluxe was first being built. I'm pretty sure Kane abandoned it on purpose after our crazy battle with those Ultra Golems."
Mike shook his head. "So he most likely cut the power from that gate then, huh. Makes sense why the battery's almost dead! That's a lot of heavy lifting for only one battery."
Chuck stopped typing on his screens for a second. "Why didn't we just scavenge for a newer battery after you beat that big robot Kane sent in? We secured that gate after, didnt we?"
Dutch and Julie smirked at each other.
"Someone might've gotten a bit distracted by an opportunity that ended up bein' a little too good to be true," Dutch elbowed Mike.
Mike guffawed and immediately tried to downplay the mistake. "Aw man, I mean yeah-- that, aaannd also we got that distress call from Doc Hudson not long after, too... so I mean--"
"Mmnn yeah, gotcha." Chuck deadpanned, returning back to triple-checking his maps and motion sensor logs.
"Anyways," Texas cuts in, "that gate's old an' dusty. It totally needs an overhaul, Texas-style. Hoo-WAH!!" He kicks his legs in the air in a flurry and uses the hand not holding his container to do a quick karate chop.
Everyone looks at him.
"Texas," Dutch starts patiently, "we're not construction workers, man. That's up to the Motorcity council to decide when the whole thing gets fixed now. I'm pretty sure they'd know about the power being cut off by now."
"Yeah, they should since I just pinged one of the council members about it too," Chuck piped up.
Texas shakes his head like a father explaining something to a child who isn't understanding what he's saying at all. "Yeah duh I know, guys, I'm not dumb!"
Dutch bites back a mean retort. Julie smirks again behind a carefully placed hand.
"I could just go to my mom and tell her everything! Then she can just send her construction worker dudes to tear down the thing and like, I dunno, hook it up to our own power supply or whatever. No effort on our part!" He flexes an arm casually.
A pause.
Mike was the first to speak up. "Wait, what? Your mom?"
"Uh, yeah, you guys didnt know my mom's head of the council?"
Dutch does a double take. "Head of the council?!"
"Yeah, Stretch. Head of the Motorcity council! She's been leadin' it since I was like a tiny Texas baby. She just keeps gettin' re-elected, heh. Makes sense since she's cleaned up and expanded a lot of stuff, I guess."
"...And she gave birth to you?!"
Mike elbowed Dutch back, hissing "dude!" under his breath. Chuck snorted.
Texas, as usual, lets the insult sail right over his head. "I know right? Both my parents are totally lame and boring. Not like Texas, hwa-CHAA!! They don't know anything about martial arts movies, sweet Muay Thai kicks or Texasifyin' stuff! They just wear boring suits and go to like a million meetings! My dad's not like in city council or whatever but he's a uh... a... what's-it-called. An archic-tech. He doesn't even build the stupid buildings and junk, he just designs 'em."
Everyone stares for a couple of seconds, Dutch rubbing his chin in disbelief.
"Wait, your dad's an architect?" Chuck asks incredulously.
Texas shrugs and stuffs his mouth with the mystery food. "Yeah? I thought I told you guys all about this!"
Mike leans forward and asks Texas directly, "does your dad only design buildings? Or does he help your mom with the city planning too?"
Texas munches for a few seconds before answering. "Mnnyeah, he's like... he plans and draws pretty much everything in Motorcity, like where the hotels and shops and stuff can go. He designed the whole downtown area I think. Obviously they're not done fixin' up the place, but the public bathhouse was his idea, so."
"He's an urban planner, Texas! Wow, not just an architect either, he does both!" Julie admires out loud.
Dutch leans back on the couch dramatically and sighs. "The bathhouse, oh damn."
Everyone took a quick second to reminisce about their trip to the bathhouse with fond smiles. It was a gorgeous Greek-inspired building as tall and beautiful as it was comforting, a recent addition to the bustle of downtown Motorcity. It had sleek marble walls, cozy alcoves for private meetups, grand staircases seemingly everywhere and polished golden accents gleaming in every corner.
The building was split into two sections with a giant-- and equally beautiful-- indoor garden separating the halves, and a courtyard with a net in the middle stationed out back for friendly games of volleyball or tennis. The bath itself sat like a reigning king in the front, right past the fancy lobby and locker rooms. In the back half, the indoor pool stayed open for swimming only in the summer. During the cold winter months the pool was frozen and turned into a makeshift ice skating rink.
Both pool and bath were massive and alive day after day with Motorcitizens relaxing after a hard day's work, meeting up with friends, or just taking the kids out to a fun day of swimming.
It was everyone's favorite spot to relax and hang out during chilly days thanks to the saunas as well.
Motorcity's gang members have officially sectioned the bathhouse and the immediate area off as a neutral zone, strictly banning violence and disputes from there. That decision was introduced by Julie and quickly adopted after everyone figured it'd be hard to tell which member was from which gang when they were all naked.
Knowing that Texas' father-- of all people-- was the man most likely responsible for that slice of heaven in an otherwise grimy and dark city was... well, it was weird.
"So," Chuck said, scratching his head, "your dad designs things and your mom orders the funds around. For, like, the whole city."
"Yyyup." Texas answers.
"Sooo... what does the rest of your family do?"
Texas takes a minute to think. "My grandma owns a shop downtown. All my sisters are out studying with people, doin' apprenticeships n' stuff. They mostly like to build and program stuff, one of them's over at the Cablers' right now. Oh yeah, my oldest sister is in a band! She's the lead guitarist and everything! She's badass, like Texas."
Dutch nods slowly, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Uh huh. Mhm. This idiot's family is super smart and accomplished. Now I've seen everything."
Mike huffs out a laugh. "Wow, Tex. That's uhm... yeah, that's great! Think we can shoot your parents a quick message and maybe pass along some ideas?"
"I've got tons of ideas for a more efficient electrical wiring system!! With better security in place too! And a failsafe just in case!" Chuck blurts out. He then realizes his excitement and leans back self-consciously. "AHA-- ahem, that is if they're uh, if they're, y'know-- if it's not too much to impose on them, of course!"
Mike smiles warmly at Chuck and turns back to Texas. "No, I think they'd probably love the help, right Tex?"
Texas guffaws, spewing a few crumbs everywhere. "Tchyyyeaah!! Texas' parents are always so dang busy all the time like... ugh. Yeah, Skinny over here would probably be their favorite guy for a while just for takin' on some o' the work."
Chuck grins and opens up a new screen with some schematics, and gets right to work.
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