#think that we might be good for July or mid June

[madeofcc]

URBZ MAG : EXCLUSIVE DH3 EDITION PART 1

Destiny, Leïla and Aïssa tell us more about the new season and special musical episode !

Interview below the cut ♥

Destiny, Leïla and Aïssa, how are you and what have you been up to lately?

Des : It's been a while since we got back from Sulani and lots of things have changed for us actually ... I guess adulthood has started now ...

Lee : What Destiny means is that we've been selected for a scolarship at Britechester but life is expensive so we're living together now, with Aïssa and Hiro as well. It's actually nice to live with my boyfriend, even though he hasn't changed no matter the efforts we're all making ... Also, Des and I both work at the university grocery store now 'cause we have to pay our bills.

Des: This sucks actually ! Life is super expensive there as well !

Aïssa : That's why I'm glad that my modeling carreer is officially starting. Thank god that Sulani campaign had a huge impact on my social medias and now I have an agent adding to my first contract with a model agency. Life at Britechester has been busy but I have to admit that I kinda hate the morality of this so called ivy league ...

So girls, what can you say about this new part of the story ?

Des : Well, this time, we can say that things are getting pretty serious and pretty quickly right ?

Lee : Yep, Des is right. Lot of tensions, love drama, we're getting deeper into the gang relationship and how we're dealing adulthood. It's the end of university but also the end for a lot of us ...

Aïs : Shhh ! Don't spoil anything ! As you can guess this season will also be scarier than the other. A tribute to 80/90s horror movies with a cool soundtrack and lot of plot twists ! Also, I love how we're getting our toes into something more political ...

Seems like things are getting pretty intense this time ...

D : Totally ! Remember vampires in Season 1? Well, they were a piece of cake compared to what we're facing here

L : Intense, gore, violent ... I'm still shocked by some events honestly. Don't know if I'll recover ...

A : You're not ready for that.

About the special episode, it's supposed to be a musical right ?

D : Oh that one ! Lee ...

L (laughing) : Hum, I admit that this is my favorite part actually

A : Same here. I loved the songs and energy around this part. Even though it's kind of sad for some parts, most of us had really a great time that day

D : Say this to Hiro !

A : Girl !

Well, lots to come then ! Can you tell us one last thing before we go ?

All three : Destiny Harbour will be back this summer with the Melodia special ! After that it will be followed by the new and longest season so far Nightmares at Britechester ! Don't miss it 'cause it might be awesome !

Next part : The boys of DH gang !

[zvaigzdelasas]

[CBC is Canadian State Media]

As justice minister in 1967, former prime minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau argued against revoking the citizenship of a Canadian citizen the Soviet Union had convicted of heading a firing squad responsible for the deaths of 5,128 Jews during the Second World War, says a 617-page report prepared for the Commission of Inquiry on War Criminals decades ago.

The document, now largely unredacted, was released by Library and Archives on Thursday. It was originally prepared for the Deschênes Commission, which in the mid-1980s investigated Nazi immigration into Canada.

The document says a Soviet court tried the Canadian in question, identified only as Subject F, in absentia in Riga, Latvia in 1965 and found him guilty.

It was written by historian Alti Rodal. A heavily redacted version under Canada's Access to Information Act was initially released to the public in 1987. Jewish human rights organization B'nai Brith obtained a less censored copy in June 2023 but Trudeau's position on the case was blacked out in that version.

In 1967, when Trudeau was justice minister in the government of Prime Minister Lester Pearson, the Department of External Affairs sought his legal opinion on whether there was a solid case for deporting Subject F, based on the USSR's request.

In July of that year, Trudeau wrote to the department that, "it could not be established that Subject F knowingly concealed material circumstances relating to his good character even if it be assumed that he was, in fact, guilty of the crimes for which he was convicted in absentia."[...]

"I might add that while I appreciate your concern for the repercussions and anxiety which you mention [of the Jewish community and others concerned with inaction with regard to war criminals settled in Canada], it appears to me, on the other hand, that it would be most ill-advised for the government to undertake this venture which would involve publicly accusing a Canadian citizen of having committed crimes in Latvia in respect of which he was convicted, in absentia, in Russia."

"If we did so, I think we would be forced to concede that similar steps might be taken against any person who had obtained a certificate of citizenship if it were found that he had not disclosed occurrences in his past which we, the government now decide to be of sufficient gravity as to constitute concealment of circumstances material to his grant of citizenship.[...]

Other newly unredacted parts of Rodal's report reveal that in 1954, the RCMP was aware that the United States was trying to resettle in Canada people who had aided it in the fight against communism.

Rodal wrote the U.S. told the RCMP that some of these individuals had "criminal records of which a number arose from cases involving moral turpitude" — a category she claimed included former Nazis.

The number of those who did manage to come through to Canada via this program remains redacted in this version of the report, along with other parts of 14 pages. [...]

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was asked Friday why it took the government so long to unseal the records and when it would release the rest of them.

"I think people understand that this is both an important part of the historical record, but also one that has implications around privacy, around community cohesion, around the kind of country we are," he said. "These decisions are ones that are taken responsibly and never lightly."

2 Feb 24

[acheronist]

ok its after 8pm time for my nightly gladman point skeleton posting power hour. welcome to speculation city

june 1845 - sept 1845, henry making idle notes about how the expedition's going because well. yes. of course

1846 - henry gets really into bullet journaling in the first winter wherein the ships are docked in devon harbor/beechey island. also it's cold as fuck and he's starting to realize it's gonna be cold as fuck for a long while yet, and after recently rekindling a relationship Of Some Kind with tom armitage, he starts getting nostalgic about partying in venezuela when he was 23 which is funny because on one hand we have very hard ground to heave on the morrow (gravedigging, hauling to the cairn, etc) but also omgggg do you remember stuart the shipcat he was the best. that party ruled does anyone else remember how fun that nye party was!!!

april 1847 - after months of teaching his good friend tom armitage his letters (finally), tom manages to get a parody flirty smutty version of barry cornwall's 'the sea' written down after henry had recited it aloud from memory and henry is so proud about how quickly tom's taken to writing after 40 something years of adamantly refusing to learn, that he keeps the page in his wallet

june 1847 - sir john dies and henry decides to take some asides about the funeral speech, presumably under the impression that they'd get home again at some point and he could decipher it and make it presentable later. officers do seem to be dropping quite quickly though and the inclination that things might not be working out excellently starts around here.

july thru dec 1847 - the terror camp in cape felix is established and henry overhears calls that camp is clear over and over and over enough times that he thinks its worth writing down while doing his silly spiral doodles to pass the time in the evenings

spring 1848 - the crews abandon the ships for real this time and the fear that he's not getting out of the arctic alive starts to feel more and more real each day, and in a vague attempt to keep himself from being lost and forgotten to history, he writes down a frantic account of his navy career in his cleanest neatest most legible handwriting possible. for future searchers to be able to read. also, messages get passed between erebus camp and terror camp and the men are inventing fake addresses for the letters between camps for...... whimsy? missing london society? i dont know

end of 1848 - the Unwellnesses and the Agonies are really settling in amongst the whole crew but hey. at least he still has the brain power for poems written backwards.

early 1849 - powering thru this dismal ass expedition's survival attempts based on absolutely nothing but the desperate nostalgia of being young and sexy and warm. thank goodness tom armitage is still here to help him remember specific details about the clubs in the caribbean. and we are simply too tired to continue the backwards code, but no one's pawing through his personals anyways, it hardly matters

mid to late 1849 - henry dies from [REDACTED] and tom armitage takes it upon himself to carry henry's wallet and pages forward south with the expedition because it would be impossible to carry his actual physical corpse with them because everyone else, himself included, are too weak and sick for such a thing. theyve been leaving their dead behind since they were at beechey, what makes henry's remains so special and different? the survivors keep heading south along the coastline of king william island

spring 1850 - the expedition, lead by aglooka, camp briefly nearby some inuit families. they stay in one place for quite a while, and tom armitage decides they're so fucking cooked and never getting off this island. he doesn't have the supplies or means to write anything to add to the wallet, so he does his best at identifying himself by getting dressed in his steward uniform, some things that were relevant to being a steward, henry's wallet, henry's shirt with the ink stains on the cuff, and walks off to the ocean shoreline until he drops dead and falls face down with the wallet underneath his chest to keep it safe from the arctic elements

1859 - mcclintock's search party stumbles across his skeleton on accident while looking for a cairn and go WHOAAAAA ITS A SKELETON and lift the steward tools + henry's wallet out from his ribs and take them back to england to be archived

1973 - the 1st battalion rcr goes back to doublecheck mcclintock's notes and go WHOAAAAA ITS A SKELETON and lay what remains of tom out on a plywood board from a hardware store and snap some pics. then they pack him up and mail his bones to the national museum of man & then the museum loses his bones

2018 - amc gives this storyline to a 26 year old from the opposite ship who had no prior history with henry for some reason and also demotes it to a sub-sub-plot. i dont know. smashing my head through a wall.

2022 - doug stenton shows up and says hey ummmm should we be more concerned about the fact that the entire fucking skeleton went missing. let me do some research i guess

2024 - i show up and start connecting the dots while working on the facsimile project of the papers. henry's fate still unknown. tom's bones still missing in action. the actual papers hidden behind an unbearably steep paywall thats gonna take me a decade to afford. facsimile project kind of overshadowed by jfj cannibalism confirmation on the same day. i keep being crazed on my blog anyways.

ok yay

[likeadevils]

Any timeline news bestie?

actually yeah!! a good chunk of news that i need to officially type up and source, but if you want to just take me at my word that i’m not making up interviews:

@1989worldtour and @taylor-on-your-dash found an old interview where taylor says she wrote back to december in new york, meaning it was likely written in early/mid may 2010

in that same interview she also said she wrote mine while on tour, probably in texas (that’s her saying probably texas not me). which would put it march 10-12 2010. the thing that trips me up about that though is scott borchetta said she showed it to him in february, which isn’t a big time difference, but taylor left for the bahamas right after texas. i don’t know exactly what day she left, so it’s possible she flew from texas to nashville’s to the bahamas and recorded the first mine demo then, but unless she did that the next time she could be in nashville would be on the 21st, and the next time she’s in nashville for longer than a day would be march 29, both of which are pushing the february mix up. but no matter what taylor probably wrote it in early march, since all the dates in february were in australia and tokyo, which seem hard to mix up with texas.

in that same interview she said she started mean in her kitchen but then had to leave to go play a show. that could be whenever, but the only 2010 show she played without a show right before/after it was in baton rouge on may 29, where she had two days off before and after it, so speculation but better than the “idk sometime in spring?” that i had it under before

(side salad: you might be thinking claire, is that too many may 2010 songs? and if you’ve read the speak now timeline you might be thinking, but what about long live in the first week of june and the story of us in the second week of june? is that too many songs? and to that i’d say wow, thank you for paying so much attention. but, taylor does go into writing frenzies in the months right before she finishes an album, and she finished writing for speak now in june and recording for it in july, so like. it makes sense that there’d be a cluster right at the end)

nathan chapman, the guy who produced basically every song taylor recorded between 2006-2011, posted a couple photos from the speak now and red sessions! unfortunately we don’t know which song she was making in the speak now picture (my kingdom for speak now studio credits), but the one from red is likely girl at home— it is the only released song taylor made with him at his house after cutting her bangs and straightening her hair

and some super early tortured poets speculation— on october 17, post malone said he’d just hung out with taylor, and on october 20 deuxmoi said taylor had just been in LA working with a new producer. dm is normally absolute dogshit at getting information out of taylor’s camp, but idk about post malone/whatever producer’s side of things. so i’m putting a very shaky maybe on fortnight in october 2023

if anyone has an opportunity to enter electric lady studios please tell me if they have a tan couch in front of a dark wood background. i have crawled through their website and instagram and i can find no such couch but taylor and jack working in a non-electric lady/his house studio would be insane (EDIT JACK BUILT A NEW STUDIO IN LA AND THE PHOTOS I WAS TRYING TO TRACK DOWN WERE PROBABLY TAKEN THERE)

[manonamora-if]

July Check-In

Welp... I'm late. Also it's already the half-year mark and I don't have my usual Mid-Year recap review, so we're doing this for now, and we'll see if I can squeeze a proper MYR later this month.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I FORGOT LAST MONTH????

Celebrating my 3-year anniversary of publishing Meeting the Parents, my first IF game ever. I wanted to do something special and then... I FORGORRRRRR ; _ ; I'm buuuuumbed about it :((((

Anyway... Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

Plan for the next month

The mega to-do-list tm that hasn't really changed.

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head on over to itch.io as usual!

May Progress

Pulling out THE LIST from last month and checking the progress:

Play more games ✅

Well, that's always a check, because there's no month without a @neointeractives jam lol. Anyway, June was Neo-Twiny Jam month, so was mainly that (unfinished thread). And of course, I finished the REALLY BAD IF jam (Review Thread and Ranking). But, I didn't manage to play more than that.... :(((

Almost 700 reviewwwwssssss. Dang.

Code Chapter 6/Endings❌

I've done another round of comment with MelS, but we're still missing a branch before I can code it. But I'm not too worried about that bit, since Chapter 6 will have pretty basic coding.

Fixing an older games. ❌

Lololol, listen... I tried, but only managed 1/3rd of the Tomato game to be done.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP❌

Lololol pt2 The writing of Exquisite Cadaver stalled this month. But I picked it up again.

What else happened this month????

Wayyyy too many distractions this month. First IRL (which is good). But also... events.

This months, we had the Neo-Twiny Jam (@neo-twiny-jam) which we are wrapping up, and I've been reviewing, and also participating in. There was also the Nouvim3000 (so I don't forget how to write in French), and a bunch of smaller jams which I jammed into some entries.

So, what does it look link in terms of releases:

The Lady with the Camellias (NTJ - Infrom 7 - prototype)

L’Incombustible 3000 (Nouvim/Marmelade - Twine -FR)

machina caerulea (4 jams - Twine)

Bon Dieu ! Et une lessive aussi ? (NTJ - Moiki - FR)

I've been looking back at previous releases of mine, feeling a bit nostalgic. Thinking of writing some stuff (post-mortem) about them. I don't know...

So... I didn't stick TO THE PLAN AT ALL. Which is a big bummer... because the stuff I wanted to do in July will need to get postponed again. I'm not happy with myself about that. Even if I think I made some killer tiny games this month and played some hella dope stuff... But, it's done. I can't change the past... So I'll try to do better in July instead.

Also, I did have some great relaxing days where I essentially napped or walked outside all day, and just... not being online. That was v nice!

The PLANtm for July

Obviously first is to wrap up the NTJ properly (admin), and start off the SingleChoice Jam and the SeedComp! again. The Anti-Romance Jam is ending soon as well, and the IFComp has just started. So, you'll probably see me on the IntFiction Forum more this month for all of that. And the next two weeks I still have some IRL obligations.

BUT, here's THE plan for the month:

Play more games: Which will be done v easily: 30+ NTJ entries left to review, the Anti-Romance Jam, Love/Violence Jam, the Nouvim, and the ParserComp also just ended. So that's a bunch!

Code Chapter 6/Endings: I don't think we'll be able to code that last chapter, because MelS's July is packed, but if we can manage another round of edits, it would be great!

Fixing an older games. I'm 1/3rd to 1/2 done with Tomato Tomato. I'm trying to finish fixing it for the FIX IT JAM. And if I can manage some proper progress for Exquisite Cadaver, I'll be ECSTATIC!

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP. And if I could manage to write one more game round for EC, I'm buying myself some cake!

I may or may not have sent an intent for the IntroComp... So I might send something. Puzzly probably.

Progress... I can do that... I think... I hope... We'll see/

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

LOLOLOL June just decided to avoid all this.

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC (FR waiting for Adventuron)

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page (un-stricking cause I need to update it)

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (I think ST 2025)

[dahliaduvide]

I've been digging into the life of Jeremy Wade Delle, beyond just the day of his death that is immortalized in the Pearl Jam song we all know so well.

One thing Jeremy Delle and I have in common is that we both spent time in a psych hospital in our teenage years. We both ended up in adolescent wards of large chain hospitals. My experience wasn't completely negative, but I don't think it helped anyone but my mother.

Jeremy Delle was hospitalized in April of 1990 after what is believed to have been his first suicide attempt.

His parents put him in Timberlawn Psychiatric Hospital where he started seeing a doctor that continued to treat him until his death by suicide on January 8, 1991. He actually had completed a session with his doctor the afternoon before he died.

The redacted police report gives only a small amount of information about the doctor that Jeremy Delle was seeing. His name is given as Dr. Bob H####, and as Dr. Robert H#### on a card that the police found in Mr. Delle's wallet. This card lists two phone numbers for the doctor. The first if the general number for the Timberlawn facility, but the other number is likely a direct line to the doctor's office.

The information given in the July 1990 list of hospitals printed in D Magazine, a local Dallas publication, about Timberlawn is "4600 Samuell Blvd, Dallas. 381-7181. Psychiatric hospital; 232 beds; offers chemical dependency treatment, occupational therapy, and psychiatric unit". That's the same as the first phone number listed on the card on Jeremy Delle's wallet card. The second is 381-6327.

Without a last name, I couldn't search for any other mentions of the doctor in public records (and I didn't find anything relevant using the phone number), but there were certainly a few articles about Timberlawn. More than a few, I had to winnow them down to the ones that seemed most relevant to what Jeremy Delle might have experienced during his stay there.

This article from June 1990 explains the sudden growth in the industry in Texas. The financial motivations behind it have very distinct consequences that the article outlines: patients rarely stay longer than their insurance foots the bill.

When the money runs out everyone- adult, teenager, addict, seems to be miraculously cured.

There are several claims of misconduct by care providers throughout the time surrounding Jeremy Delle's stay at Timberlawn.

May 1988: A Dallas woman is admitted to the substance abuse program at Timberlawn. In February 1996, when she is in her early 30s, she alleges misconduct by her doctor during her stay at Timberlawn.

May 1991: In March 1993, a patient alleges he was pursued by his doctor after seeking treatment at Timberlawn for depression after the end of his marriage. He also alleges that she initiated an inappropriate romantic and sexual relationship which lasted from November 1991 to February 1992.

Obviously, Mr. Delle would have been, or at least should have been, housed in separate adolescent areas from any adult patients, but he might have seen the same doctors. Particularly because he was treated for substance abuse. I have some doubts about whether he was actually using any drugs or not, but I'll put that together in another post with some supporting documents.

I also found these court documents from 2009 relating to a patient that was hospitalized in the Timberlawn facility as a minor. She claims to have been raped by an older male patient due to inadequate supervision of the patients by staff and a lack of private space available to patients. No dates or ages are given, however, so it's impossible to know if this happened within the early 90s. However, if Jeremy Delle had survived until 2009 he would have been in his mid-20s, which is when childhood traumas begin to be understood by a maturing mind.

I'm not a lawyer and couldn't even pretend to be one on the internet, so I won't claim to understand anything about what is happening, but I can read through it and capture other facts about who, where, when, etc. If anybody with a better understanding of USA or Texas state law wants to shed some light on this that would be helpful.

I wasn't able to find any further information about the progress or outcomes of these cases, so I've chosen not to include the names of the staff accused, but they are included in the media coverage if anyone would like to search through news databases that aren't freely available online. I can only research the documents I can find, and unfortunately I don't have access to any academic databases at the moment, either.

My personal opinion is that whatever started Jeremy Delle down a troubled path started before he got to Timberlawn and the care of Dr. H.

I do think this line of research is important for understanding whether or not Mr. Delle received effective or adequate care as his mental illness spiraled out of control.

It strikes me that these stories about Timberlawn confirm and debunk some of the conceptions we have about this particular young man's life from the song written about him in 1991 by Eddie Vedder and Jason Ament. Jeremy Wade Delle was failed by everyone in his life with the power to help him as he started to sink under the waves of his illness. But his parents didn't ignore it completely, they tried to get him help. Maybe not when his illness first manifested, but as soon as his first 'cry for help' came in the form of a suicide attempt, they put him in a hospital that was known to be the best in their area. One with a developing, supposedly cutting edge, program for adolescents and those suffering from substance abuse. They most likely brought him home when the hospital said he was better. Sadly that might have had more to do with how long the hospital knew that insurance would foot the bill and not Mr. Delle's actual mental health.

The story is no less tragic than the story Pearl Jam spins in their song, but it's far more nuanced.

And it's still a great song.

[magpies4nights]

21, Falling Down the Stairs (Dev log #16)

Well, it’s been an uneventful 2 weeks since I’ve last updated y’all. I’ve completely finished the computer thing I showed y'all last time, teehee. I'm not gonna say what exactly it is but there's a good route and a bad route, I guess you could say lol. I also made some more sprites because it made me really mad. Therapy <3333

Scale Dummy core teehee

I still haven't figured out the optimizing thing though, because every tip I could find was for 3d stuff, and the 2d questions would always be "answered" with "why do you need culling for a 2D game? It has less data." THIS SCENE IS SO HEAVY MY COMPUTER CRASHES WHEN IT'S NOT IN THE EDITOR, AND IT'S FROM 2019!!! THAT'S NOTHING IN AGE!!!! Wait, is it something??? I don't even know anymore god how long ago was 2019?? Arg.

(AI disturbance overlay from: https://www.tumblr.com/arson-jellyfish69/750555399114080256/put-these-on-the-top-layer-above-everything-set)

But anyways, I'm pretty sure if I got a brand spanking new computer and I ran that puppy on the computer it would start coughing and dying. I've also been thinking of updating the demo again, because I kinda feel bad that it's been left untouched since like May, and some things have changed. Maybe mid June???? July???? I don't know. I'll definitely change the secret room, because I realized if people discovered it by now, they probably are walking into the walls and not realizing it because they are invisible, I remember once I was showing one of my friends that room and she did that and I had to help her. I am top 10 game designers, I know /j

...Anyways, I can't think up on references right now, my brain is mush LMAO. however, since it's pride month...

Yeah, we got the pride flags out. Huah. (not a ship. They're related and Priyah is a minor)

I would have put my headcannons for the cannon GASA4AM:SC characters but They're pretty much popular headcannons sooooo, yeah. lmao. I also kinda don't feel like drawing anymore right now.

Well, I don’t know if I can talk about my life anymore. It’s for personal reasons, honestly. All I can really say is that the weather has been crazy, there was a time when the region I lived in had no power for several hours because of a storm, and that I started summer classes. They are pretty hectic, I'm not gonna lie. I ended up with health problems, AGAIN, so now I'm eating the world's most blandest foods until I'm in better shape. Which honestly I'm thinking it's when they end and I'm guaranteed passing grades (I'd be so happy if I get 70's). I wish I could say what’s on my mind, but right now I can’t. I honestly don’t know when I can again. It’s not for professionalism, I honestly doubt my future employers will somehow link this back to me, as much as I feel like people will try to dig up my past and my present. I'm thinking though once I'm done with this fan game I might have have to stop making games under this name, as gut wrenching as that is. I had to come to that realization, I was incredibly disappointed, trust me. I've been thinking on this since March when my dad was mad at me but if I want to make money, I'll have to go under a different name. I'll see you there when I crossed that bridge though, I'm not going anytime soon with the way this fan game is going LMAOOOO.

[the-unconquered-queen]

Bit of announcement for the blog:

As of tomorrow, March 11, we will officially reach our 100th day of daily polls!!! 🥳🎉

Fun fact: daily polls were originally only gonna be for one week back in early December, but then I kept going "oh, just one more day!!" and then "oh, just one more month!!" and now here we'll be, mid-March and still doing them. So I think this is a really good point to switch from doing daily polls to weekly polls. I haven't decided how exactly I'm gonna do 'em, but I definitely know that I wanna keep doing them because I have a lot of fun with them and seeing people's responses, plus I really like them as a way to keep my blog active when I only play one book a week.

Second fun fact: Including the ones from days where I decided to do extra polls (e.g.: Blades 2 finale day), by tomorrow they should add up to, I believe, 111 polls in total!

So yeah, I haven't fully decided how I'm gonna go about 'em and I've got some ideas in mind, but for starters I'm thinking of a poll concept for which I already have enough ideas to last til June or July, easily. Also this doesn't exclude the possibility of still doing more miscellaneous polls here and there or even poll "events", like the Blades/TE crossover (and I already have some of those in mind, too). I definitely still have a bunch of leftover question ideas in my notes and even in my drafts.

Also, I high-key wanna start a tag for the daily polls (might even undertake the mission to go back and tag each of them retroactively) because I really wanna be able to see old polls easily (just the ones I did over this period + the future ones, def not every Choices poll I've ever made because I wouldn't know how to find all of them) so I think I'll start thinking of a tag to use—can't make it too easy to stumble across or it'll be another containment breach, and you might remember how that went last time lmao

TL;DR: I'm gonna be doing weekly polls from now on, so be on the lookout for those :)

[literaticat]

Hi, Jenn! I was wondering: I know supply chain issues are still a thing, but how much lead time do publishers usually need for a YA book? I heard you need to finalize everything a YEAR before publication? Is that still true?

This is not a supply chain issue per se, it's always been the case that there needs to be a long lead time. Typically the due date for a (non-illustrated) book is around a year before pub date. Ideally, it's then able to be made into galleys/ARCs around 9 months before pub date, and it's ready to print, absolutely no more changes, around 6 months before pub date. A typical timeline might look something like this:

Book sells in mid-late 2022 with a mid-2024 pub date. Contract comes late 2022, and edits ensue in January 2023. There are a couple back-and-forths, final draft is due June 2023. Book goes into copyediting in June, and there are a couple rounds of pass pages where mistakes can be fixed, etc, in July/August, and it is proofread and absolutely done by October 2023. Then it goes into the long queue for printing. Once it has printed, sometime in early Spring 2024, then the final books get shipped back to this country (literal ship. very slow boats.), sent to warehouses around the country, and then distributed to bookstores and wholesalers, each step of which is a whole weeks-long process, and god help us if something happens to a ship or a truck or whatever along the way.

And then in June 2024 - Happy Book Birthday!

Meanwhile also in January/February 2023, the cover is starting to get talked about, the author gives input, they choose an illustrator (or whatever). By June there are sketches, by the end of summer the cover is final, by September the ARC is being distributed (the ARC is generally made from first pass pages -- ie, there still may be some mistakes -- they can't wait for the final-final. That's why they say "NOT FINAL" all over them).

Why does the ARC need to be done 9 months before the book is out? For two reasons: Bookstores need a lot of lead time. The catalogue for Spring/Summer 2024 probably comes out in August/September 2023, and the publisher's sales team is selling Spring/Summer 2024 titles to bookstores in Fall 2023. So all that marketing material (like ARCs, the catalogue copy, the cover, etc) all needs to be in place BEFORE the sales reps get out there and bookstores start placing their orders. Also, review outlets want at least 6 months lead time as well, and we REALLY want reviews!

It might vary a bit by publisher, but this would be what I'd consider a perfectly normal, average timeline for a novel. It *could* certainly be LONGER — and probably WOULD be longer — for a picture book or anything illustrated, and the supply chain issues and whatnot of last year did mean lots of things got pushed because even with a generous timeline they simply were not ready when expected.

It couldn’t really be a SHORTER timeline and still be a normal book: If it were to go faster than this, it'd be a "crash" book -- this can happen for sure, I've had books come out and be on shelves the same year that they got offered on -- but it adds a layer of expense and drama that publishers are not undertaking unless there's a very good reason.

ETA:

Also bear in mind: Yours is not the only book. So while all this is happening for your book, it's also happening for dozens of other books at the same time -- and still more books are at some other stage in the process while this is happening for you. I think it's easy to think like "ugh, why does everything take so long" -- and this timeline might give you some insight, but it still feels like a very long time! -- but remember, it's not like "oh, we have this one book we are working on, let's take three months getting it from point A to point B because we are slowpokes who like to screw with authors" -- rather, it's "we have dozens (or for a huge publisher across many imprints, HUNDREDS) of books coming out in the same season, and ALL of them need to be ready and to a place at a certain time, and it keeps happening, month after month" -- it's like a whole logistical dance that takes many people to pull off, and frankly it's amazing to me that it works as well as it does as often as it does.

[discluded]

I was wondering, what are your thoughts on: Who might have bought Apo that green white crochet over shirt? From his IG story where he posted about it, it looks like someone else bought it for him. Since, he mentioned that it looked B***hy, and where would he wear such shirt. I have stalked fan sites and no one has mentioned that it as a fan gift. So, it must be someone from his circle! That shirt cost close to $700 US. So, who would buy him such provocative expensive shirt? Any thoughts!!

Oh friend, you sure sent me down a fashion rabbit hole for this one.

Apparently the MTL called it "super bitch" hahaha.

So you mentioned you think it might be a gift but no one's came forward to claim it, and I want to caveat: (1) I don't know if Thai fans post as much on Twitter if their present gets used, so maybe it is a fan gift and we don't know but (2) this actually made me check Bode's stockists, and lo and behold:

The only place in Thailand that carries Bode is actually *drumroll* The Decorum! Also known as the place that Mile and Apo have been going to get their fittings for the film festival debut. And where they got their Vogue Gala suits. 😊

Apo posted the story on November 23, and Mile's post about doing the fitting again (right photo) was posted November 30, so it's possible there was a week between fittings.

This also had me taking a poke at Bode's instagram page. And look what I saw here 🎯👀

Yes, it's the green shirt Apo wore to Universal Studios Singapore. They're from the same collection.

These were both posted to Bode's instagram mid June (15 and 16) and had the text:

First delivery styles now available online and in-store. To request upcoming arrivals, please contact our New York or Los Angeles stores.

So they arrived at the stockists circa mid June. By the end of July, their instagram had noted both these were out of stock at their online store but available in their in-location stores (they obviously do not track their stockists' inventory). So the earliest Apo could have had the shirt he wore in Singapore was late June as well. No fan claimed that one either, so he likely bought it for himself (or you know. sugar baby privileges 😂)

Just a cute thing I want to note but is meaningless to Apo's choice, the collection both items were released in was named the E.A.B.A. Wedding Collection.

So to answer your question, who do I think bought it for him, I'm just going to lay out all the possibilities:

Fan bought. Unlikely. A lot of fans are pretty conservative about the clothes they buy him and Mile. I'm going to change that and get Mile a tiddy shirt.

The Decorum's owner gifted it to Apo to clear stock. Unlikely. They are friends though, which is why Apo (and now Mile) frequents his shop!

Bought on sale at The Decorum. Most probable. Some places have discounted it for end of season sale where I've seen it available online still. To be fair, "Very naughty, how do I wear it!" has the energy of a girlie who found a good deal on the clearance rack but has no idea how to style this ridiculous piece. So I still think he could've bought it himself.

Bought at The Decorum, but it was a friends and family discounted offered to Apo to move the product 🤷‍♀���

As for whose wallet the money came out of Apo has his own money and job! But Mile's wallet seems to hurt a lot when they go shopping huh😅

Mile: i’m broke because of him ahah

Apo: ahahaha it’s payday i wanna do shopping ahahaha

[carterashofficial]

I need to rant for a hot minute. Also, I would like advice from all the tumblr aunts and uncles and anyone who will give it.

So back in ye olde month of April, my boyfriend’s father moved in with us. For the purpose of this rant we’re calling him FIL.

FIL had gotten a job in our town and wanted to move out to be closer to his son, and move to a state that doesn’t have a real winter.

So mid-April I get the futon couch all made up with sheets and pillows and a blanket and the good quilt. I am under the impression this is going to last 2-3 weeks until FIL finds an apartment. Boyfriend was thinking a month. That’s fine, I can deal.

We get to June and I’m asking about apartments FIL has toured. It’s been 6 weeks. FIL has found some he likes but oof, the prices. So much more expensive out here compared to previous state.

Boyfriend informs me that his dad can’t afford an apartment downpayment until FIL gets the move-out reimbursement from New Job. Which takes 3 months. FIL has been living on my couch for half of that, might as well wait another 6 weeks until he gets the money and can finally move out.

Early July: my mother is asking when FIL is leaving. Boyfriend promises end of July. We do a pinky promise. I am starting to Not Enjoy having FIL live with us. It’s summer. It’s hot as hell. The electric bill is stupid high.

End of July: shit has hit the fan. FIL’s new job loses a lawsuit and to save money they lay off everyone who hasn’t been there a year. Including FIL. He still gets severance for 3 months and move-out reimbursement. I want to scream and put myself in the washing machine b/c again. It’s summer. It’s hot out and I can’t even sit on my couch to watch TV b/c FIL has the couch for his bed and is always playing something on the PS5. He deserves to have his own space even if he’s intruding into mine and his son’s.

August: FIL begins looking for new jobs. Gold star. Still taking up my entire living room. His comic books (that he keeps buying) are stacked up underneath my coffee tables. He has a seemingly endless supply of Diet Coke bottles. FIL is still getting paychecks for severance, but they stop if he gets a new job before severance runs out. I go with him and boyfriend to tour an apartment for him. Very nice. In his budget. Boyfriend decides to tell me after that his dad has filed bankruptcy a couple years ago and his credit is shit so he will probably not get the apartment.

Dead reader, if you’re thinking “why move across the county if you can’t get an apartment, where are you going to live?” Congrats. I had the same thought. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

September: four months now of FIL living on my couch. He is job searching. I have a little breakdown as a treat b/c as I’ve kept telling Boyfriend, this has gone on long enough and I want the apartment to go back to being our apartment, not our-and-his-dad’s apartment. I’ve now been told he will leave by end of September. He is applying for jobs out of state

October: FIL is still on the couch, and gets a job in his home state. Excellent. Yay. We’re happy. I’m told starting date is Nov 4. Scratch that, he got the month wrong. December 4th. But he said he will be gone by early November. Severance ended. He spends his days watching comic book auctions and playing baseball games on the PS5. I honestly have no idea if he’s washed the sheets. I don’t care. I don’t even want the futon anymore. I’m sure there’s crumbs stuck in the coffee table b/c this man eats sitting on the floor while watching his son’s laptop propped up on the coffee table.

November: hi, it’s the 3rd of November, and I was originally told that FIL would be leaving in the first week or two. Last night I asked what day he was leaving. “Oh, I was thinking a day or two after thanksgiving”. Aka after the 4th Thursday of November (nov. 23). Another MONTH. And this is holiday season when I go all out baking and cooking for the holidays. I can’t do it anymore. I want to feel at home in my apartment. I don’t want a 55 year old roommate, eating chips, sitting on my floor, while he watches comic book auctions without headphones (he doesn’t own any. I’ve asked. Multiple times)

He doesn’t cook. He buys 3 cases of sparkling water and puts them all in the fridge, which I then had to remove b/c there was no room for the groceries. The first month I had to remind him to clean up his empty Diet Coke bottles. FIL routinely falls asleep watching something on the laptop and when I get up in the morning, the laptop is still on, the front light is on, and sometimes so is the TV.

I’ve had it. Boyfriend is worried me telling his dad to get the fuck out is going to hurt his dad’s feelings or give him a mental break. FIL is incredibly sensitive and once cried when I implied that my parents didn’t like him. Boyfriend thinks his dad is fragile and that he needs to take care of his dad, because his dad doesn’t have anyone else. His dad has 3 brothers and Boyfriend has a sister. FIL is not alone.

Boyfriend is focusing so much on not hurting his dad’s feelings and taking care of him that I am just. I’m not supported. My needs are eclipsed by FIL’s.

So my plan is to send them both out for a guy’s day tomorrow and pack up my valuables and important stuff, and move in with my parents (who live 3 minutes away) until FIL is gone or Boyfriend has developed the ability to get his shit together.

I just. I’m done. FIL is a very nice person but he needs to get out of the apartment.

So I’m doing what I’m calling the nuclear option b/c talking and being nice isn’t going anywhere. The valuables and sentimental things are coming with me, and because I’m a petty bitch, so is the coffee table, the rug, and all but one of the pillows on the bed. Boyfriend will be left 1 bathroom towel. I’ve half a mind to take all the silverware too b/c it was a birthday present from my mom.

[calmasyoghurt]

The joker out pride project.

*goes into 'edit tags' on ao3, clicks the box to ad relationships, starts typing*

Time jump to 2018. Also on ao3.

June 15th promt 20. Coming out as intersex.

Getting Kris and Jan on the band is probably still one of the best things Bojan has ever done. Their styles of playing are different, sure, but they sound so good together. With their help, the past two years have been filled with songwriting, music competitions and performances. Throw in some band practices and a few parties in the the mix, and the result is a group of teenagers living their best lives. 

Sure, the plan from the start had only really been to befriend Kris so that a stupid, non-existing crush would go away. The befriending part had gone really well, Bojan considers Kris as one of his best friends by now. But the disappearance of romantic feelings? Nah, they’d turned in to a not so stupid, very existing crush. How pathetic, the only real crushes Bojan had ever had, had both been on friends slash bandmates. 

Not that either of them were ever going to find out about that. Or, at least Bojan wouldn’t tell them. Martin and Kris are both smart, and maybe Bojan isn’t the best at hiding feelings. But so far, nobody had brought it up, so hopefully that must mean that neither Kris nor Martin had figured anything out.

That is of course until a band practice in mid July. It’s a really good practice, one where everything sounded good. But what happens afterwards is even better. Jan’s car is broken at the moment, so he has to run in order to catch his bus home. Martin has to leave too, he’s working in a supermarket over the summer and has a shift. Matic leaves with an excuse about visiting his grandma, and suddenly Bojan and Kris are left to lock up the rehearsal room all by them selfs. It’s a quick task, just checking that everything is turned off before locking the door, but when it’s done, neither of them leave. They just stand there in silence for a minute until Kris finally says something. 

"So... do you want to hang out or something? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I was just thinking since you weren’t leaving-". Bojan cuts him off before he can continue rambling. 

"I'd love to hang out. How about we try that new ice cream place?" 

It's only a quick walk away, a place near the river selling some delicious looking ice cream. Upon arrival, Kris gets one scoop of strawberry sorbet, and then he insists on paying for Bojan's chocolate scoop. They end up sitting on a bench, talking about a new song they're working on, until Bojan has finished his ice cream. Kris however, has only eaten half of his, and is now drawing patterns in his pink, half-melted mush.

"Not hungry?", Bojan asks, because he can't think of anything else to say. But instead of answering, Kris says something so unexpected that Bojan might faint. 

"Can this be a date? Can this please be the time where we admit our feelings for each other? You like me too, I know you do".

Bojan is too stunned to say any words that together make a scentense. He is however aware he's saying words. Words like 'yes' and 'please'. Kris just watches him stammer with a smile on his lips growing bigger. And then it's as if he's heard enough. Kris looks the empty street up and down as if to make sure no one is watching, before giving Bojan a quick, soft kiss.

It's way too quick for Bojan to be satisfied, but he doesn't have time to kiss Kris again before the street isn't empty anymore. It is a popular pedestrian street after all. 

"Let's do this- let's do that again sometime, please", Bojan says instead.

Not even a day passes before the wait becomes unbearable. Bojan simply must get another kiss from Kris, so he goes to Kris' apartment and hopes that he's home. Luckily, Kris is not only home, but also home alone. He invites Bojan to his bedroom, and together they spend a good amount of time on Kris' bed, making out.

"I think my family will be home soon", Kris says after a while, before placing another kiss on Bojan's lips. 

"Okay. So, full stop now or do you not mind if your parents finds you like this?".

"Do you not mind if Miha 'Gušti' Guštin finds you making out with his son?".

"Way to kill the mood". But that day is not the only day with a mood. The following two weeks are full of days with moods, and as soon as they're alone, Bojan gets to kiss the guy he's had a crush on for the past two years. Scrap that, Bojan gets to kiss the guy he's had a crush on since the first time they met.

Early August is upon them by the time Bojan feels the need to clear things up. His parents are away for the weekend, and Kris is staying over. Bojan's been meaning to bring it up before, but it's to difficult. But he has to say it. If anyone will understand, it's Kris. 

"I need to tell you something", he says while picking at an uneaten edge of the pizza they've bought. "It's about, well, sex".

"Oh. Yeah, sure, we should definitely talk about that" Kris says, and he almost looks relieved. Bojan guesses he's been meaning to bring the same subject up. 

"So, basically, if you don't want to have sex then I'm totally fine with that. But if you do want to, then I want you to know that I am totally okay with whatever you have, uhm, down there". It’s not the only thing he has to say, but Bojan has to pause for a second in order to appreciate Kris' giggles. 

"One more thing. It’s about me. I- I was at the doctors a while ago. They think I have something called Klinefelters syndrome. It gives me some more feminine features in the- around the chest and hip areas. Oh and apparently it makes the... testicles smaller". Bojan hadn't expected it to be so difficult to talk about this, but it is. It's so difficult. He can barely get the words out, and looking at Kris is completely out of the question.

"That's okay with me. I know what it's like to have those kinds of features. And hey, at least you have testicles, and I'm guessing you even have a dick. That's more than what I have. I'm totally okay with whatever you have down there too, okay? We'll figure this out together". Kris' words could make Bojan cry, but he blinks the tears away the best he can. A quick kiss finds it's way on to Bojan's cheek and then Kris goes to get some more pizza. Bojan could live in this moment forever. 

[foggytiredwombat]

Blue Lock's characters' Suns (2nd verse)

Et voila, I went and fished out the Suns of all the characters (let's call them main okay, in my heart they are whops) and in orderly order:

As might be expected only two Aries Suns, respectively: Jinpachi Ego (I mean, calling an Aries "Ego"? Oof) and Yoichi Isagi.

Again, only two Taurus Suns ("only" so to speak): Seishiro Nagi and Kenyu Yukimiya.

Here's the real surprise: no Gemini Suns. Actually, almost no position in Gemini, whether Moon or Mercury or Venus or Mars. Since this is a sport of technique as much as power, I expected to find some.

Anyway, unto the next best thing---Cancer Suns. Jesus, how many and how crucial they are to the plot. The next time you feel ashamed that you were born in late June or mid-July and can't brag to all your friends that you have a cool sign, think of the animal that most represents you (and it's not a fucking crab, please be serious): the alligator.

Here we have: Gurimu Igarashi, Ryusei Shido, Shoei Baro, Aiku Oliver, Yudai Imamura.

Leo Suns shine here, too: Meguru Bachira, Reo Mikage, Anri Teieri, Tabito Karasu, Tokimitsu Aoshi.

Sole exponent of Virgo Suns, Rin Itoshi. Blatant.

Incredibly few Libra Suns, and interestingly we have Sae Itoshi and Jingo Raichi, born on October 10 and 11, respectively. Canonically. Go figure.

Given the level of intensity and constant metamorphosis being one of the central themes of the manga, I thought more Scorpio Suns would appear. We do have four, two expected: Okuhito Iemon and Wataru Kuon; two unexpected: Jyubei Aryu and Tsurugi Zantetsu.

Sagittarius Suns, four: Yo Hiori, Otoya Eita, Hibiki Okawa, Yukio Ishikari, Keisuke and Junichi Wanima. Unimpressive so far. Then again, Sag placements crop up everywhere in these natal charts. Especially Sag Mars.

As Capricorn Suns, Gin Gagamaru, Aiki Himizu, Nijiro Nanase and Hyoma Chigiri. Good for you Hyoma, good for you (Capricorn rules over the bones btw. Just sayin').

Only one Aquarius Sun, master manipulator Niko Ikki. Rightfully, he's the sole survivor of his team since he was the one orchestrating the goals from behind-the-scenes.

Pisces Suns, prepare yourselves: Asahi Naruhaya and Rensuke Kunigami. Fair and square, as one can say.

Stay tuned for more astro-bullshit <3

(missing ones' birth dates aren't revealed yet apparently)

[cuntycassandra]

Bea’s nails: 2022 edition!

So over the past twelve months I have decided to treat myself with a new nail look every four weeks or so, just to help take pride in my appearance, so I’ll stop biting the darn things, and also so I can have a fun little spa day to treat myself with. My nail tech is such a talented woman, I’ve been with her since I was eight years old, and she’s been helping me through this new awesome journey with some beautiful patterns.

Also should out to the harem for helping me pick colours and patterns sometimes!

January and February:

I actually had that first set done for Christmas of 2021, but I kept the design for the entirety of Jan! I love the dark blue and that snowflake design is so cute. But look how short they were!! (Also no my thumb is not that short, it just bends at a horrendous angle. Hyper mobility check-)

The February nails were the first ones I’d ever had done that weren’t for a special occasion, and I absolutely loved them. (I might have that design again at some point.) I love how simple but elegant the triangle is, and that nude is quite flattering.

March and March:

We had a minor setback after I chewed them all off mid March, but there are always bumps in the road on every journey. I call the first set my ‘bi’ set, even though I personally am not bi and the colours are ever so slightly off. But they were still so much fun!

The yellows will always be a favourite, I remember as soon as she got the colour in she thought of me because it’s been my favourite colour since I was a tot, and the colour was called BumbleBea! They were a mat finish instead of the usual gel shine, and I didn’t really like that as much, but it’s always good to try new things and I loved the design, and the colour really is just gorgeous.

April and May:

Okay so these are some of my faves, design wise. I wasn’t expecting to love that green as much as I do, but I was like a “must have” after the first time. And as you’ll see that pastel pink and blue stuck around for awhile. This pattern was just so fun too-!

Just look at the length on those May nails! The golden foil was so pretty, and like I said in the above point, I fell in love with her pastel collection, but especially the pink and blue. I can’t pick a favourite between these two sets, they’re both brilliant.

June and July:

Birthday nails!!! I definitely think concerning designs, my June nails were my absolute favourites. We picked the colours based on my birthday dress, which was satin sage, and my new watch, which was rose gold. Like I’m sorry but just look at those things, to quote the corn kid, ‘I can’t imagine a more beautiful thing’. Ahhh I want them again so bad.

My July nails might look a little plain in comparison to the previous ones I’ve had, but literally as soon as I sat down at the table my eyes fell to that turquoise glitter and I was like “oh I gotta have that”. And because it’s such a bold choice, we decided to go simple for the other nails, which was definitely the right thing to do because look how pretty they are! Plus the length, I think this was the first time I’d gone the whole four weeks without chipping or nibbling at them.

August and September:

Apologies for the weird angles in this photo, I don’t know why I was making a claw-. The blue and pink make their return one final time for the summer! I love the little criss-cross pattern on the middle finger. And that pink-tinted gold really stuck out to me too, they really were so pretty. (And so long!)

My August nails actually got so long that they were starting to hurt a little by the time I was due to have them done, so we took a considerable amount off of my Sept nails and they’re still super long! These were still a nice bright yellow, but more toned down as autumn rolls in and summer fades off. I loved the gold foil on the index finger too. So many people hate foil prints and I’m like what?? I think it’s so pretty, and super shiny.

October and November

So some explanation. For Halloween I dressed up as Dorothy this year, I went to scarefest with my best friend and we were the centre of attention (what can I say, it’s the Sebastian in me). Unfortunately right before I had these nails done, my index nail actually broke while I was putting my shoes on, which explains the length issue. But they’re still super pretty!! I loved the bows.

These. Nails. Are. So. Cute. We all know I love this blue. A week before I had these painted, I had to have a surgical procedure on my hip, and I wasn’t allowed to wear nail polish. After my procedure I had a bit of a breakdown concerning the pain, and as old habits tend to die hard, I nibbled them all off before I had the chance to get them repainted (which usually encourages me not to bite them). However, my nail tech worked her magic and managed to give me the most beautiful winter nails with a really cool ‘sweater’ texture! I love them! (And I didn’t mind the mat as much this time).

December:

And we come full circle with my Christmas nails of 2022, which aren’t actually very Christmassy. I’m going on vacation for three weeks over the Christmas and new year period (and missing my one year anniversary with my girlfriend 😭), so I settled on a mix of summery vibes, and some fun Christmas bows! These are actually so cute, and I’m obsessed with this pink and the glitter together.

I had so much fun going on this new journey for 2022, and coming home with a new nail design never failed to brighten my month. I think my top three would be June, August and potentially May, but like- those December 2022 nails? Oh they’re just so lovely.

[selfheals]

May to July

Many treasured occasions with friends and family, including the Meadows Festival, loads of cinema trips.

I saw one of my favourite artists, PVRIS, live in mid-May and had an amazing time!

I got a new tattoo and named him Ramsay McCoffin. He is very tall and doesn't like to spend money, so is like me in those respects.

TATT

My gran was moved into hospital partway through May and passed in late June, a week or so before her 87th birthday. She spoke calmly of her death and was as ready as one could ever be. It was clear she missed her husband, family and friends who she had lost earlier in her life. Her funeral was beautiful and moving. It was tough to see both of my sisters in tears at the choice of music and the closing of the curtain in front of her coffin.

I completed training to become a Facilitator at Andy's Man Club. I remember the early days where it provided the only space I could talk about my relationship tensions at the time. Crying in a room full of unknown men was a bizarre experience, but a worthwhile one. I hope to give back to AMC and encourage others to attend whenever they're struggling with high stress and/or poor mental health.

I've been really enjoying any time spent with B watching Formula 1 races, getting dinner together, and going for walks/drives. We've connected on an unexpected level and it's awesome. I feel we're helping each other through stuff. I still wonder if we'd be good as an item, and I mention it occasionally in a half-joking manner, but I don't think he thinks he's ready for that, which is valid.

Things are going well with K this time. We met in person for the first time in July, the same week she moved back to Scotland, and had a really good time together. We're going on a picnic date to the Botanic Gardens tomorrow, which should be lovely.

I've not spoken to my crush, A, in a while. I'd like to, but I guess I'm scared of rejection. Maybe sometime I'll pluck up the courage to ask her to meet up again for dinner and/or chill drinks - I might ask now instead of inevitably procrastinating.

I've started going to visit kittens for sale in the last week, but I'm not entirely sure why. I know that sounds silly, but I feel there must be a deeper reason I feel the need for a new creature in my life. I'm not sure if I'll end up following through as it is a big decision to make since Wookiee (my resident cat) would also be affected.

My exes continue to be gradually ostracised from the friendship group. In late July, a new gaming chat was created and I was able to play games in a safe environment with a friend for the first time in around a year. We had a good time, but it was hard to hear them as their partner was gaming quite loudly in the background - no shade though!

I'm looking forward to continuing to live true to myself.

[masai4]

There are always these patterns in life. In January to April, there is always this numbing hope that the year will be better than last. With each day that passes, the numb numb juice's stain gets stronger. From May to Mid-August, an air of desperation, nay, of depression engulfs my lungs. I don't care to breathe. But the season ends and the joy of Christmas, the short rains, the sun of September lightens my spirits. October is when I fall out of love of others and into myself and where I am.

It's a pattern that I think might be inconsistent but still evident in my life so far. It's one that I linger into too much in the coldest of July, that...

Today is June 20th, I have hurt the closest to me in unimaginable ways. I've realized that I may have fucked another's Life in the prejudice of innocence, of Fun. I have quit Cigarettes, except the one broken in my back pocket. And worst of all, I have this insidious hope that I'll be better tomorrow.

I hate How much I'm unsure of my progress, falling into the same villainous trends for the past two months. Will I be better? There's this interview that Tyler Joseph did where the gist was," We always know the right thing to do to the people we love most and we are always striving for it. To be good friends, siblings and offspring, but we always fall short. ALWAYS."

An inexcusable Vice. We Hurt so much.

Will we ever be Good?