#think i am compared to you i get it i know ive been told now can we move on and accept that i am not you

[strawbrains]

Why do so many psychiatrists love to gaslight. Okay, Hannibal Lecture.

If I had a nickel for every time a psychiatrist straight up told me lies I would have too fucking many and that's a problem.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

ok so ive been rewatching psychoville and saw on the wikipedia that there were a bunch of websites made for the series (they were all written by reece and steve btw) which i've been looking through cos they are genuinely SO fucking funny & also just amazingly creative lol!

anyway i know people in the fandom probs already know about this (since the show came out literally 15 years ago pfft) but i thought i'd share some of my fav bits (but honestly would just recommend just checking them out if you haven't i have been crying with laughter for literally hours lol)

i will say that a lot of the media (videos, games, etc) no longer work on the archived sites rip but i'm sure people have uploaded some of the stuff (vids especially) to yt or other places lol

so a) i love that we get some background stuff on jelly and 2) 'captain CRACKERS' bernie clifton's dressing room reference question mark ??????? (ofc bcdr was AFTER this but i know love the idea that mr jelly trained under len pfft)

what that red raw stump do though 👀 (sorry pfffft)

mr jolly's website wasn't that interesting soz tho i did like him comparing being a doctor to being a clown lol

the comment about fag bears did make me wheeze i'm afraid lol i also loved the blurry photos of lomax's commodities lol (kinda reminded me of the bit in tlog w/ that terrible old photographer guy lol)

when i tell you i DIED with laughter at the 'now known as hull' bit like u just know reece wrote that bit pfft

not really a funny thing but this poem written by david honestly kinda breaks my heart lol... i think it also a lot of additional context to david's guilt when he thought he'd killed his father(faver) because perhaps he felt guilty about NOT feeling guilty you get me? like, it felt to me that when maureen told david it was SHE who killed her husband, it didn't feel like he was mad at her for doing it, but more that she kept the fact from him. it's about... the mutual oedipus-coded obsession with one another that couldn't even be destroyed in death and in this essay i will....

ghoul_lass23 is just like me but about tumblr lol fr

nothing feels more cursed than the phrases 'the river minge has burst its banks', 'crying creamy tears' and 'fleshy rapunzel' (which i've just noticed they misspelt lol... don't think that was intentional lol?) so if i had to read this so do you <3

the way that i kinda wish this actually existed tho pfft... also, it does kinda remind me of that video where jenny nicholson talked about that insane reality show 'opposite worlds' lol

'cross between seven and glee' is honestly sending me pfft

also on this part there was a script from stinkfinger (which is a show mentioned on the show) which sounded suspiciously like a reference to tlc lol

the less said about swastknickers the better

(will say i did nearly piss myself laughing at the nazi section of the hoity toity website lol which wasn't a sentence i thought i'd type today lol)

i just love these kinds of jokes pfft

also the whole biography sections of each of the pantomime cast are fab lol tho i AM kinda pissed they made debbie from yeovil and yet didn't give her a west country accent lol!!! (i guess they thought it'd be a bit much w/ joy being bristolian but i'm still mad about it lol)

also i know people have probably already pointed this out but i do find it funny that brian in the in9 episode last night of the proms is a closeted gay guy who likes watching drag was probably a reference to brian in this show that was a drag queen like... is anything these guys do NOT a reference??? u know those gaylor fans who obsessively look for clues in her songs about her apparent secret sexuality? all i'm saying is that i think they'd really like the extended reece shearsmith & steve pemberton universe pfft

all three of these made me cry with laughter lol

ohh this is interesting lol so obviously they suspected that some people might be all 'um why didn't the sprinklers go off during the fire at ravenhill? plot hole much!' so they wrote this into one of the websites so they could be like SEE! WE'RE ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU DUMBASSES lol

both the jeremy kyle reference (remember when that was a thing? yikes... my mum used to watch his show CONSTANTLY...) and nurse kenshington's thoughts on david and maureen are interesting lol.. also there's a reference to the serial killer top trumps in this bit lol! (do people still play top trumps?? man i LOVED top trumps lol...)

the entire sunnyvale care home section is so fucking funny (both the website AND in the show lol mrs wren/mrs ladybird face is unironically probably my favourite character on the entire show) these were just some of my fav gags lol...

ok but why is this the SECOND reference to a guy punching a child who was apparently looking at his dick lol!??!! did this happen to one of you ??!!?!? reece did you punch a child ??!???!?!??

&&&& that's it lol

there were a few websites i didn't spend long on or generally weren't that interesting (coughmidgetgemscough) but honestly? i was really captivated with just how funny and well put together all these sites were! you can tell they had a lot of fun making it and i'm sure fans at the time LOVED being able to have this semi-interactive element of the show lol

there was just something so wonderfully late 00's about these websites lol i genuinely don't think i've laughed this much at anything in literal months and all of this is just solidifies that psychoville is a criminally under-appreciated masterpiece lol

[beybaldes]

that which you cannot see

Simon Aumar x gn!reader

word count : 2.5k

summary : simon’s own insecurity blinds him to the feelings you reciprocate.

a/n : i know this isn't my usual djats content, and i should be working through requests lol, but i saw dnd;hat thursday and am now obsessed. expect more simon once ive worked through my djats stuff!!!

“I still can’t believe that he walked up and over the rock.” You hummed, thinking back on Xenk’s leave earlier in the day, laughter bubbling past your lips at the mental imagery of the action.

The five of you were gathered around the fire Holga had started on the beach, everyone having calmed down from Edgin’s earlier series of confessions and settling back into the playful group dynamic you’d so far formed on your adventure.

Your head was one more yawn away from settling onto Simon’s shoulder, your side already pressed against his, but the general chatter of the group was keeping you awake for now. Simon was completely flustered by your close proximity, your knee bumping against his every time you laughed at something Holga said, though he’d already prepared a list of reasons he could give as to why his face was flushed; namely that the hot flames were doing him no good.

Since Edgin had picked the two of you to join his adventure, there had been an unspoken thing between the two of you; you were always lingering a little too close to each other and were the first the other went to after a close call. As far as you, and the other three members of your group, were aware, you were courting. But to Simon, you weren’t there yet - him too scared to even mention the word in your presence less you reject him the same was Doric had.

That, combined with Simon’s general obliviousness, meant he didn’t notice any of the advances you’d made towards him, or the greater interest you showed him compared to your other companions. The same interest that had you now forgoing the conversation and leaning your head sleepily against his shoulder.

Silence came over Simon at the contact, his entire being stilling as you trusted him enough to rest on. The rest of the group didn’t seem to notice until Edgin aimed a question at the two of you and he received no response. All of them now turned to face you both, surprised to find you fast asleep on Simon’s shoulder with him staring down at you in surprise.

“You owe me a sack of potatoes.” Holga chuckled, flicking at Edgin’s arm when he ignored her demand for her half of their bet.

“I don’t think i do, not yet at least.” He whispered back, taking in the look on Simon’s face. “Poor kid doesn’t know what to do with himself.”

“Is this improper?” Simon asked, eyes unmoving from your finger which was curled into his side, your head snuggling deeper into the crook of his neck. “We’re not even courting.”

“Dammit.” Holga kicked her foot into the sand, knowing she’d have to wait another day without her precious prize of potatoes given the two of you weren’t formally courting yet. “Why aren’t you courting yet?”

“They do not think of me that way.” Simon sighed, eyes moving from you figure to look at his hands that had now started to nervously play with the hem of his cloak. “I’ve been told I’m quite the depressing person to be around.”

“They clearly like you, that included.” Edgin scolded, nudging his foot against Simon’s to grab his attention. “I think they’ve been pretty clear in their feelings for you, from the start of our journey.”

“No, no, I doubt it.” Simon had always been the worst believer in himself, and even though he so badly wanted what his friends were saying to be true, he wouldn’t believe it unless you yourself told him - and even then, he’d still find it hard to be true. “There are plenty of better men out there.”

“That doesn’t matter if all they want is you.” Edgin was sometimes wise, or maybe just a romantic at heart, but it would take a whole lot more then some sweet words to get the idea of courtship through Simon’s thick skull. “Besides, we’ve all seen how different things are between the two of you.”

Simon’s head shot up, to the amusement of his friends, confusion written across his feature. “What- what do you mean?”

“Well, for starters, you always ride together or walk together, even when we were in the under-dark, the first thing the two of you did when you thought we’d escaped that chubby, little dragon was reach for each other.”

“What he said.” Holga continued, biting into the potato she’d been carrying around with her, knowing she’d come to crave one eventually while she waited for her to win her and Edgin’s bet. “And you always look to them when your trying to cast a spell; when it goes right you look for them, when it goes wrong you look for them, and every time they’re already looking at you.”

“No. I don’t think so.” Had Simon really been so blind? Surely he wouldn’t noticed if his affections for you were returned; if he had he would’ve formally asked to court you already, so he supposed his friends were just reading into things. “I would’ve noticed. They would’ve said something.”

“You look at them like they hung the stars in the sky.” Doric whispered, heads snapping in her direction as she spoke up on the nature of her ex-courtship and his new love. “You care deeply, genuinely for them.”

“I care for all of you.” Simon asserted, offended by the suggestion he was treating you differently all because they thought - and correctly so - that he wanted to court you. “I treat y/n no different.”

Holga practically spat out her potato at the suggestion, throwing her head back with a cackle. “Now that is not true, and you and I both know it.”

“Leave the poor boy alone.” Edgin’s reprimanded, standing from his seat around the fire. “I suggest we get some rest, we have quite the journey to make come morning.”

Everyone else moved away slightly from the fire, giving each other space to sleep whilst not drifting too far from the warmth of the burning glow. Simon stayed in his place though, unsure of how to wake you, lest he wake you up only for you to be unable to sleep again. He settled on gently cradling your head in one hand, settling to scoop you from the log and lay you carefully in the sand. As he lifted you from your seat, into his arm, he stilled for a moment, admiring how good your features looked so close to his, everything about you accentuated by the glow of the dying fire. However, he must have stayed in his place for a moment too long, you stirring in your sleep and his almost dropping you in surprise.

“Simon?” You groaned sleepily, your voice thick and croaky as you woke. “What’s going on?”

“Oh! Hey! So…” Simon quickly got lost in his thoughts, trying to figure out how to explain how you’d ended up in this position. “Basically-“

“Can we just go to sleep?” You asked, tucking your head back into the crook of his neck, though this time somewhat consciously. That alone had heat rising to his cheeks once more. He had never been asleep since your abrupt arrival on the beach, but now you were pleading that the both of you slept - that had to mean something.

Or maybe you were just worried that he wouldn’t get enough rest for your journey tomorrow. Yeah, that was more likely.

“Of course we can, I’m sorry for waking you.” Simon rushed to put you comfortably on the ground, taking off his own cloak and covering you in it as though it were a blanket. He took his own position next to you, though not close enough that he’d be invading your personal space, he was close enough that he could be by your side in an instant if needed.

He didn’t realise just how cold it’d be on the seafront in the dark of night, but immediately brushed the though from his mind, knowing he’d rather have you warm then be warm himself.

“Get under here.” You grumbled from beneath his cloak, opening up a gap big enough for him to sliver himself into, right up against you. “You’ll be cold.”

“I’d rather be cold then improper.” He scolded, pushing gently on your hand to close the space you’d offered up to him, keeping the warmth in with you before the night air could risk it away.

“It’s not improper if we’re courting; and we practically are.”

Simon chocked on the very air he was breathing, turning to look at you in complete and utter shock. It was one thing to here it from his friends, but to hear it from you yourself? If he didn’t know you as well as he did, he’d be quick to assume you were messing with him, in fear that he’d not be good enough to court with you.

“What?” He eventually managed to choke out, his eyes unmoving from your face that peaked out from beneath the collar of his cloak.

“Get under here, Simon. I won’t ask again.” The sorcerer still hesitated at your command, mind whirring at the fact you just said the two of you were ‘practically courting.’ He couldn’t think straight, let alone move to get under the warm cloak with you. “Simon?”

Though he could hear you, he couldn’t hear you - your calls of his name in worry going in one pointed ear and out the other without giving him the chance to process it.

“Simon!” You called once more, gaining his attention as, this time, your warm hands cupped his face, his cloak slipping down your form and puddling up in the sand.

Simon was quick to pull the cloak back over your shoulders, chastising you for letting it slip lest you catch a cold from the night air. His hands held it in place over your shoulders, worried now that you’d matched his sitting position it’d fall again the second he let go.

With his hands on your shoulders and yours cupping his face, the two of you had been brought dangerously close. So close, in fact, that he could feel the warm dust of your breath across his cheeks.

“I have a list.” He whispered into the space between you, eyes wide and face flushed as he spoke. “I wrote a list of why I would be a good courter. It’s in my pocket, but from the top of my head I can think of most of it, I think.”

World were tumbling from Simon’s lips as he did his best to seize the opportunity of a lifetime that sat in front of him. It’s not often the person he was interested in was interested in courting him back - let alone suggesting that the two of you were already courting.

“I can try and cast spells to protect you, I will always walk by your side or ahead of you to protect you from traps, I will give you my cloak when you get cold or to protect you from the rain. I can-“

You used the hands that were cupping his face to connect his lips to yours. You did your best to put all your feelings into the kiss, not getting offended by the lack of reciprocation on his behalf, knowing that he was just shocked. And within a minute, he was kissing you back, though hesitantly and with a great sense of unease to his actions, like he’d never done it before.

Now that you dwelled on it, there was a chance he never had done it before.

“I don’t care about the list.” You whispered against his lips, pressing chaste kisses to them between words. “I want you just as you are.”

Breathless, Simon stumbled through an attempt to question your words, knowing he himself would have his issues with him - so why wouldn’t you? “But what about-?”

You cut him off once more, pulling him in for yet another firm, passionate kiss; your head resting against his when you finally pulled away. He seemed just as stunned by that second kiss as he had been the first.

“Don’t care.” You whispered, pressing another chaste kiss, though this time, to the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, and then the dimple that had appeared there. “Just want you.”

Now that was something Simon hadn’t heard before.

He no longer had the fire to use as an excuse for the warmth in his cheeks, it long dead and burnt out now, but he deemed he no longer needed excuses for the way you made him feel - not when you felt the same and declared it with such certainty.

“Oh. Cool.” Simon immediately grimaced at his words, wondering how on earth he’d picked that to say out of everything he could’ve said. That didn’t matter now though, he was sure he would have plenty of time going forward to tell you all this things he wanted to say, all the things he felt.

“You going to get under the cloak now or what?” You asked, a teasing lilt to your words that cracked a smile onto Simon’s face.

“Yeah, yeah, I guess I will, my love.” The words rolled so naturally from his tongue, as though he’d been born to say them, and to say them to you.

Once again, you lay down on the beach, opening up Simon’s own cloak to him and this time he hesitantly crawled inside the warm fabric. At first, his just lay with his side pressed tightly to yours, both of you half under the protection of the cloak. You quickly put an end to that, rolling onto your side and grabbing Simon’s arm, placing it gently over you and pulling him onto his side in doing so. Now the cloak rested comfortably over the both of you, the cold of the night no longer reaching you between the warmth of the fabric and the warmth of Simon’s hold.

Simon took a lot longer to drift off to sleep then you did, his mind moving at a million miles a second as he took everything that had happened today in. Not only had he ventured into the under-dark and been absolutely flung about by the helm of disjunction and his ancestor, but he’d somehow managed to court who he was sure was the love of his life.

A soft smile curled onto Simon’s lips as he let his head fall against the back of yours, curling into you and wrapping his arm tighter around you to keep you close to him. For the first time in a long time, the both of you slept soundly through the night, not stirring for anything or anyone: even when the following morning, Holga shrieked in glee at the sight of the two of you, crying out to Edgin-

“you owe me a sack of potatoes!”

[sweetestpopcorn]

Hi, how are you doing? 😊

I would like to apologise in advance if you have already answered this type of question, I can only scroll so far on my phone before Tumblr completely refreshes🙈

A good friend of mine has been trying to convince me that Daenerys of Dorne and Daemon Blackfyre were clearly in love and wanted to get married (which is why he rebelled (years after her marriage)) and I just don't see it.

What do you think of the relationship between Daenerys and Daemon? Or, what do you think their relationship was like? Friendly? In love?

Because I am genuinely curious if I misread/didn't read this section🫣

Hi there ☺️

I hope you are well too. No problem at all and no I have not answered this question 😊

So, beginning first about Daemon and Daenaerys the sources do tell us that they loved each other, though they are more detailed about his feelings for her than her feelings for him. Importantly, while it was said that Daemon rebelled because Daenerys was denied to him (by "evil" Daeron II 🙄) I am a bit unsure of how that happened. You see, Daemon had already been married for three years to Rohanne of Tyrosh when Daenerys actually married Maron Martell - i.e., Daemon married Rohanne in 184 AC when he was 14, a marriage arranged by Aegon IV, and Daenerys married Maron in 187 at 16.

The marriage between Daenerys and Maron was also arranged in 185 AC, so actually while Daemon was already married.

Furthermore, in 184 AC when Daemon Blackfyre married, Daenerys was actually only 12 to Daemon's 14.

While I do think it is entirely possible given how handsome and gifted Daemon was that Daenerys might have feelings for him, and him for her, I have some doubts as to how deep they ran, and how far their relationship actually got. Yes, it was possible that maybe they continued to foster deep feelings for each other, and that even married to Rohanne, Daemon still loved Daenerys and maybe the two were lovers. It does not explain however how Daemon would blame Daeron II for denying him Daenerys when... he was already married and such a marriage had been arranged not by Daeron II but by Aegon IV.

Further, let's compare them to other couples who were in love but apart because of their circumstances and not their will.

We have Daemon and Rhaenyra of course and by several accounts, he wanted to marry her and she petitioned her father to let her marry Daemon (one step ahead of Daenerys as far as we are told) - given what happened between them afterwards and their story this was clearly truth. Like Daemon B, Daemon was married at this time BUT unlike Daemon B, Daemon, our Rogue Prince, asked Viserys to set his marriage aside, something he had asked prior as well. Daemon B never once asked for his marriage to Rohanne to be set aside. Unlike Daemon B's marriage, Daemon's marriage was a failure and his discontent was well reported. Daemon B on the other hand seemed fairly happy with Rohanne, or at least the marriage was definitely fruitful since in the same year he married, his firstborn son Aegon was born (along with his twin Aemon).

Now, we do know that Aegon IV promised Daemon B he could have more than one wife, however, Daemon B for all his ambitions does not strike me as naive enough to believe that and to think that Daeron II would have their father's lack of senses and agree to this. Moreover, Daenerys herself would likely not be too happy over this arrangement.

It is very important to mention that when Jaehaerys struck a deal with the Faith to keep incest he had to relinquish polygamy - which the Faith had more issues with - and all Targaryens since were in monogamous marriages offering no complain. I don't think Daemon B - again for all of his ambitions - would expect or think reasonable that Daeron II would go to war with the Faith to have Daenerys become his second wife. Maybe at 14 Aegon's lie was enough to convince him, but as he grew older it would not strike me as believable that Daemon would continue to believe this and blame Daeron II for it.

Also worthy of note is the fact that Rhaenyra was forced to marry Laenor against her will - while Daemon was away and exiled and could do nothing to prevent it under penalty of death. Nothing of the sort is said about Daenerys, and no record exists of her having to be forced by Daeron II to marry Maron - Daemon B was at her wedding and he did nothing nor showed any sign of distress. Rhaenyra's marriage to Laenor was also a failure and at this time she had an affair with Harwin - with Daemon away. Daenerys's marriage with Maron on the other hand seemed like a success and one of genuine love, at least of Maron to her.

Let's look at yet another Targaryen couple who were kept apart, Naerys and Aemon. During her bedding to Aegon, Naerys was said to have wept, and Aemon quarrelled with Aegon during the feast. Both showed signs of their displeasure, though we could argue if this was because of genuine passionate love for each other, or just sibling love and the shared knowledge of what a pig their brother was and how miserable he was about to make Naerys. Regardless of this, and yes I do think their relationship might have been exaggerated by the singers (and Aegon IV) to tarnish Naerys's reputation, both showed signs of displeasure when Naerys married someone else. With Daemon B and Daenerys, however, we have none of that. Only thing we know of Daemon B during his half-sister's wedding was that he was defeated by Baelor Targaryen, Daeron II's eldest son. Also, Naerys's marriage was miserable, which again is not true of Daenerys's marriage or Daemon B's marriage.

Then we have what you very well point out, the time skip between Daenerys getting married and Daemon B starting his rebellion - a full eight years. And I am not buying it at all at this point.

Am I supposed to believe that Daemon B was so distraught that he attended Naerys's marriage, did nothing, and a full eight years after remembered she was the love of his life?! Oh hi Matt!

A last point I wish to make about this is Daenerys's reaction to Daemon B's death, better yet the lack of reaction which speaks volumes. Against this we can go back to Daemon and Rhaenyra, especially Rhaenyra who never forget Daemon, got close to him again when he returned to Westeros despite him being married to another woman, and as soon as Laena dropped dead and Laenor was murdered (not by Daemon's orders *wink wink* Daemon Jesus Christ Targaryen would never do such a thing to a friend - who was more an associate but let me keep my fanfiction *wink wink*) she immediately got back with him. Under suspicions of him having betrayed her, she was still willing to forgive him and wanted him back and according to "Rise of the Dragon" she went as far as to blame Lord Mooton by Daemon's death - though how accurate this is we can debate since that was not directly written by George and there's no mention in Fire and Blood that she ever learned what happened to Daemon.

Now, am I denying at some point Daenerys and Daemon B had feelings for each other? Not at all. I think it is entirely possible given how close in age the two were and the fact that they were young and attractive people who lived together. But I do think the singers like to make it more than what it was like they do with so much more.

Why?

Well because Daemon B has a sort of hero aura about him that the singers liked and fed. He was someone with every quality of a king, but who had been born a bastard. He was beloved by the smallfolk, of the nobles as well, and much easier to love than someone like Daeron II who although was a good ruler and administrator was not as handsome, and did not possess the military qualities of a warrior - we know how the singers' panties dropped for knights - lacked the charisma as well. So it's easy to paint Daemon B in this bright light and to rather make this about love than about what it actually was: ambition.

It's funny that in a sense he was much more ambitious than our original Daemon, that he actually did pick up arms against his brother and started a war, and that the singers call him "in love" and only see Daemon as ambitious refusing to actually talk of love between Rhaenyra and himself. But then again Daemon was not very popular at court, and Rhaenyra, unlike Daenerys, was not a meek woman just living her traditional life. While she was very feminine she was given a very male role - maybe it's even worse that she was so feminine - so she does not make the stuff of a love story.

Just something to ponder about.

Now all of this being said and if the people want to believe it was love, there are much worse ideas out there and being spread by this fandom. If they want to ship two hot dragon people, all the power to them, but I personally don't because from everything written, it's not what that's about.

I would say that I hope Fire & Blood vol. 2 answers these questions but thinking that we are ever getting that book would make as delusional as people writing metas where Daemon gave two wet sh:ts about Harwin ☺️

All the love to you! Hope this was helpful.

[xaeydnquartz]

Part of me kinda wants to stop DMing my first and current campaign? IDK just need to vent

So, brief expo. like many, got into CR during the pandemic (mainly due to "The Legend of Vox Machina" which lead to me actually bingeing the all 3 campaigns) During which time a friend (who was in my immediate friend group but like the rest of my friend group, i didnt really feel close to) told me that he was really into CR as well. As a fresh new critter, i was stoked. Was able to share my blossoming love of CR with someone (FINALLY!) during which we both mentioned how D&D looked so much fun and that it would be really great to be able to play and ooo what if we got our friends together and played.

After which we discussed, if we did, who would be DM? Seeing as how none of our friends really played D&D our talk lead to either my friend or me and after asking the question "Which do you think you would prefer more?" It was clear i would try my hand at DMing (i like lore in games, and i like storytelling, and im a tad bit of a control freak at times, lol)

Anyway, we eventually got in touch with our close knit of friends, and though i intended to be a standard 6 we suddenly had an 8 party party (and that was with me having to tell even less close friends there wasnt room).

Feeling it would still be manageable (as there was precedent that i could pull inspo from, CR) i began planning a rough idea of a campaign and working with my friends to create their characters and running a session 0 so we were all on the same page. You know standard stuff.

-Fast Forward to current date and time-

It has its stressful moments, but i still am able to enjoy the time with my friends for the most part (though theres a lot of times were ive never felt lonelier) Which brings me to the whole point of the post, my need to vent to the void about this loneliness. Nobody really gets in touch or interacts with me at all. Not to talk about the campaign or even collab on their characters. The most i get are occasional critiques about how i could have done something better couple sessions prior and request to add another person to the 8 person party. When we have sessions, people show up late quite often, leave early quite often, have to cancel as they have other things they are doing (even though we planned and scheduled weeks prior) and even when people are there they somtimes feel like they arent always present. i already feel extremely distant from all of them as they all live closer to each other while i live on the totally opposite side of the state and theyve known each other way longer than i have, but the minimal interactions they have with me, the DM/GM of all people, just continues to add to all of it I know we all are busy with our lives, and that compared to those things D&D is really not that big of a deal or important. And i get that, it is just a game afterall, but it still manages to hit pretty hard

I've communicated my feelings through our time of this campaign, if im being honest, maybe not this indepth. I mean, its partially because i barely see or talk to them (again life gets in the way) but also because i feel extremely guilty for putting this kind of tension to something we are all supposed to be enjoying and relaxing to. Its especially painful as most recently 2 players, who said they would get in touch with me about changes possibly being being made to their characters, never got in touch in anyway shape or form, and its been about a month now? And session is in a week...i didnt even get much as a reply back. Idk, its been almost about a year now and i felt i just needed to get this out somewhere other than debating myself.

Thanks for listening tumblr.

[superson3oz]

Chapter 2

     I give out a big shaky sigh getting into the room, there goes nothing.. This was the most brave ive ever been my whole life. Taking such bold actions in nowhere, me? a average gal with no fighting experience? Obscene, if you told me from an hour ago I did these actions I wouldn't believe it. I didnt want to do this, i just wanted to get back home and cuddle underneath my warm cozy blankets, open my device and watch a horror movie in the comfort of my home. Laugh when the characters make stupid choices and not actually be the one in danger making them.

  I let my gaze across the room, the room wasnt dark as the stairway was, good. It didnt seem that empty compared to the other rooms ive been so far either. I could see a seat, a cou-

.

.. I can feel a figure standing behind me, and i could hear them breathing. It was quiet, it didn't make any efforts to alert me by announcing their presence or attack me. Were they waiting for me to turn around so they could give me a good ol jumpscare then slash me? I dont want to get slashed! I felt my feet getting colder, i froze on the spot. My breathing getting uneven as i felt my heart race for the tenth time in the past hour.

''CYHCH''

I turned around so fast you would've thought I have broken my neck. It was a tall man, was everyone here ridiculously tall or was that the second coincidence? The figure towered over me. I could feel my legs trembling, I am such a coward! His platin white hair, elf like ears, bandaged eyes.. was he blind? Could he see me? Couldn't be, happroached me with no problem.

What has he said to me? It was the second time im hearing that as a first introduction word, so it must mean hello. I should greet him back or he would think I didn't mean any good.

.

.

.

 I didn't know what to say, I was so shaken up my head was dizzy. I just looked him up and down, I opened my mouth but no words came out. Before I could have my fourth panic attack to my rescue chop-head spoke up.

''Me YJCT!''

What'd he say? Me? Me what?

 That sentence better mean something good or im playing american football with his head. This guy had a muscular build, almost a sleeper build like. If this head said anything bad he can whoop my ass! I have no doubts about that.. The elf-like mans face dropped shit shit! Did he accuse me of something?! The scary man spoke up again, it almost sounded as if he was scolding him. Huh..

''You CYTI MCÜU.''

 You what exactly? I turnt my attention from the head and the white haired figure as they spoke, they were ignoring me now. Could I leave? After all I did what I was asked to, and it seemed like I wasn't needed anymore.

 What was he saying? Maybe he is asking if he got lost again? Was this a occurrence that happened often? I mean how could a hea get lost it can't even move.

''YUTM AJEI me''

 I watched as the head in my hands spoke. Yutm.. that word again, when the ghost appeared in the first room the hooded man also called them 'yutm' did the word stand for somebody or someone?

''Me SÜJY.''

 Saved or resqued? Upset? There was so many nouns and so very little answers.

''CÇYNJ''

 I watch as the man infornt me sigh before seeming to have stopped talking with the head. Mr. hood guy also said that word when I explained something to jim.. i wonder what it means.. Maybe reaslising something or understanding a specific situation? 

''Them/Him''

I sweat drop at him as my eyes widen as their hand pointed at me. Were they asking who is was?

 Mr. Hood also used for that for the male entity so it must be term like 'them' and not 'him' obviously because I look like anything but not a woman! I know I'm barely a five out of ten but I'd prefer being referred as a lady.. Wait- he is asking about me! Who cares about my looks right now- Choppy say something nice, you better! You owe it to me!

I wait for the head to speak, my worried expression visible as I looked down. Say something nice please oh just fucking- say something! My worries were cut short as it spoke.

''Them ATEJ me.''

 What was he saying? I lost the most important part, what he had said about me! This is a matter of life or death i need to understand what they say. So many words i couldnt figure out.. maybe i was stupid and the fact was just that I was stupid. Wow, three 'was's' in a row. That's something new.

 ''Them ECTJ! Them ECTJ!''

  Chop-chop spoke again, they were smiling, ah was he trying to convince him that I was someone trustful? Judging by the mans smile after the word he spoke it mutsve been something positive. Maybe nice? Helpful or good? I should keep that word in mind maybe it will be used again. Hopefully I will not be here to hear it again because im not planning on staying here any longer! Home sweet home I'm coming back baby. 

''Hello.''

 He turned his attention towards me this time, ah so intimidating.. the way his pitch black mouth smiled at you sent shivers down your spine.

 "Oh! H-hi! Hello!''

 The second he turned his attention to me i got too nervous and spoke before i could think! Ah.. his bandaged uncanny face- scary scary!!.. He only smiled at my panicked greeting and continued on his speech giving it no mind. Was this a normal occurrence to him?

''AYEJ them JEH, thank you.''

 What had he said? Maybe about me helping Mr. Chopped? What was their names anyways. I didnt know how to ask and didnt care that much to try to learn. Realising i got caught up in my own thinking i hadnt responded to him.

''Oh?.. oh no worries haha! It was nothing really''

 I was stumbling on my words and studdering, how embarrasing! It felt like middle school all over again, getting made fun of for struggling to speak. Ugh dont wanna remember it all! I barely understood what he had said, he seemed to have realised this. He stood on one leg, tilting his head at me.

''Not CESU ÜCYJ?''

 Maybe he said 'not speak language? Or ''Not comprise language?'' maybe something less fancy.. 'not understand language?'  that made sense, still why ask someone if they didnt understand your language in THAT language. Sometimes it is best to not question such idiocy.

 I remember Mr. Reaper saying something similar when we first met. I wonder where he was now.. Hopefully he felt great after leaving me with this man! And i thought us two had grown fond of eachother. What evs.. it not like i need him or his help or anything. (i do)

 I frowned, my frown making the scary indivindual smile. S-scary!

''Me ÜJEC language?''

 Is he telling me he will teach me or something? So that word stands for ''teach''. I better not get my hopes up though. Last time i was promised this was when Mr. Hood did a shit job on attempting to teach me.

 Still yet all this.. I have no time for this! I dont wanna be here, i want to go home.. But i cant just bolt.. What if he loses his curiosity towards me gets mad, then just decides to rip my head clean off! He probably did it to this poor guy too! How do i know im not next?! I need to chill out.. If he wanted me dead he wouldve done it already. I just needed to have more faith in people.

  But how can i do that when im kidnapped and everyone here looks so freakish and suspicious!

 He raised his hand up slightly, my eyes watching him like a hawk. He didnt mind how nervous i was almost like he enjoyed my uncomfort. He still had that carefree smile on his face as he spoke.

 ''TJMU HTÜĞ''

 Uuuhhuuuh. Whatever that meant. I just nodded my head acting like i understood him. I followed his hand my gaze looking at where it pointed at. Chairs? He just wants me to sit down with him and have a tea party like it was nothing? Ah yes of course kidnapped in nowhere, im dying to just sit and chill right now.

 When he started walking towards me i got a tad bit nervous. His steps were way heavier than mine. He took the ginger man out of my hands, walking past me and taking a seat. While hes away i could just takea  run for it.. When i turned to get ready for my actions i jumped seeing the hand on the broken part of wall next to me.

When i turned my head towards the hand the man spoke.

''IJEÜ''  Hand? Was he trying to teach me? The hand propped all its fingers down and raised one. The man spoke once more again

 ''TMYÜ''

    Finger. Maybe he was a promising teacher. Then how about this..

 I pointed my finger at the chair, then the table. After getting their names i stood there akwardly. He smiled gently propping his infront of him as if he was telling me to take a seat. Okay.. maybe i should i was too close to him to run now. I took a seat as he reached for something in his pants. I could hear a few metal pieces clinking againt eachother

**Whole ordeal of him teaching expressions and the coins. I am NOT writing allat.**

 So these people only counted up to three? No math??? Maybe this place wasnt as bad as i thought it to be i might consider staying. I look at the man still sitting and smiling at me,  unresponsive. Seems like he doesnt have anything else to teach me. It was akward my gulp way too loud in the dead silent room.

 Do these people not communicate? Just stand there and stare at people all giddy like theyre giving them a circus show? No wonder their language was so underdeveloped these people didnt speak unless needed. 

 But i really needed to be going now, no more need for my pointless wondering. There was another door, maybe it was leading to somewhere else? It should be the exit i got up excusing myself.

 ''I really appreciate you teach me your language, but i really have to be going.. goodbye see you never!''

 I mutter speaking fast enough so he didnt have a chance to say anythin back as i sped walked towards the door practically throwing myself off the chair in the process. I was interrupted when i heard his voice boom behind me.  Oh  no im not listening to your yapping no more!

''Door, NTYH CHHYJ door.''

 'Dont open door?' im leaving anyways! Or 'outside something door?' emaybe he was explaining that this door led to the outside, either way i was not staying in this depressing room any longer. Just being by their presence gave me the chills.

 I opened the door the sudden difference in air, stench of rusty iron and dried blood hitting my smelling range making me nauseous my eyes watred at the difference of the atmosphere. Nervously even if i didnt want to i raised my gaze to see,

weapons.. blood, torture chair.. chains and blood scattered all over the place.

 I heard the metal door open and close behind me i scram out of the way not wanting to be any way near the slasher. Hecame into the room closing me here in along with him. I-i was stuck! He was going to kill me! I had to get away. I needed to leave. Right now. I flinched when he spoke, no longer able to hold myself back.

 ''NYTH CHYT.''

 I screamed, screamed as loud as my lungs could. How loud? Ididnt know. I felt my knees go weak as i down halfway to my knees, clutching my mouth with my hands to avoid puking. My back was against the cool metal door asi felt my legs shake. My vision was shaky as well, was i loosing consciousness? No.. no nono no no!

 I was right i was right all along! That stupid brought me here so i could be a lab rat! The monster seemed unphased at my scream reaching towards me. I slapped his hand away my hands shaking, struggling. My sweat making it harder as i twisted the knob. Sprinting out the room.

 I threw myself out, smashing my body across the other door as i sprinted up the stairs. What happened was made unconsciously. When i got on top of the staircase i got into the door i saw first, the one Mr. Hood had broke. Where was he when i needed him! There were two corridors. No more! No more corridors! I walked towards the one with the red light was coming from. Blood. Why did this place look like it was massacred?!? Was the purge ongoing here every day?

 I tumbled a few steps back before sprinting toward the other hallway, deadend. My eyes twitched as i heard something. N-noise.. someone else is here. Im not alone, how many of them were here!? The footsteps sound got louder and louder.

 Someone is following me i can hear them! Theyre walking- walking towards where i am! I stumbled into the room. No exit! Oh god.. oh god. There was a weapon in the corner. Weapon weapon weapon- crowbar. How convenient! Everything seemed to be fucking made for me to find them apparently. First the elevator then this.

 I rushed pickicking it up. Holding the weapon made me feel a tid bit less in danger. Taking a few steps back i looked at the door, i couldnt just attack it straight up! I needed to hide.. I went into the little peekside beside the wall. Perfect sneak attack corner.. How convenient.. My dazed state was interrupted when i heard the footsteps too close.

 Whatever it is doesnt matter i had to go in go in! My thoughts screamed as static was loud inside my head. After hiding, i clutched my crowbar. The footsteps were inside the room now. Adrenaline pumping through my veins. Scared.. scared i dont want to die.. i dont want to die.. i dont want to?

 I couldnt hear anything. Whatever it was seemed to have stopped. I needed to ne brave, taking a deep breath with such admirable mental strength i turned my head to see.. that that thing.

 The thing opened it mouth to speak but its speech was interrupted before it started by the crowbar i was holding falling from my hands. My false confidence priorly was burnt to crisp now. My fight or flight response left my body as i fell to my knees. Looking at the dark figure looking right back at me. What had i thought? That i could fight and be the heroine? The creature was tall. The smile on his face appeared and dissapeared, as if it was unsure.

 My breathing was heavy. The tears were already steaming down my face. When it looked troubled trying to reach me, i stumbled back shrieking. Holding my arms above my head. Was this how i died? I heard it approach me to the corned i crawled to.

       Dont hurt me dont hurt me dont hurt me please go away leave leave leave.

 I shook violently when i felt something ontop of my head, it was moving side to side, gently. I raised my gaze from my hands peeking through them to look at the cause of such tender action. It was frowning at me, patting my head. The worried look on his face, almost like he cared.

 ''TAYH? SÜJY? NÜYĞS?''

 The figure with the high pitched voice pat my head, it was like he was asking me some questions judging by his tone. It cooed at me, spoke like he was talking to a injured animal. Scared that it might get spooked and run away.

 ''TMJÜM TMJÜM... TIYS gone.''

 Was he comforting me? Such a kind show of affection it felt good. It felt good to be comforted in such a place.

 As he continued on, i broke down. Clucthing my chest i cried and cried. All the panic i was holding in, trying to be tough and narrate my way out on my own. The fear of being nowhere, being literally kidnapped and ontop of it all having a language barrier in the place i was stuck. I dont want to be here i want to go. As a regual girl i wanted to wake up, get to school as usual. I didnt even care how much i hated it! See my friends joke around.. Not be stuck in this shit hole!

 It was too much i couldnt take it anymore, obviously the lie ive been telling mysely to comfort, that this was 'all a dream' seemed less and less true as i went on. The man was oddly comforting, rubbing my head. It seemed suprised at my sudden outbreak. Yet, he still stayed there and pat my head as i continued mt pitiful wailing. 

 My cries cooled down as my tears drained out. I wiped my tears with my hand, it also helped me wiping them down. Their cool hands rubbing my cheeks in the corners. Now  that ive calmed down, and with his hands on my face i took in his appearence.The man had pitch dark long hair, covering half its face. His hair was goal to be frank, it was gorgeous. The side of his head that was covered up was bloody, it seemed like he didnt have any eyes. Yet he still also saw me with no issue. Does everyone here see without eyes? He wore a torn up all black kimono. The gentle giant once more spoke to me.

'' NÜYĞS?''

 In a way it sounded like if he was asking if i was okay, maybe that was just my wishful thinking. Ah, i should have his name. It would be rude not to. I spoke the best way i could.

''Thank you, uh my name is.''

 I pointed my hands towards myself, saying my name in the process. He seemed a tad bit lost so i pointed at the floor. tapping it a few times.

 ''Floor, Me (y/n)''

Then i pointed at myself, saying my name. He seemed to have understood but not have a response. Did he not have a name? I pointed my hand at him saying 'you?' he just shook his head. So no name huh..

''Still.. Thank you. Not many has done that to me before.. I didnt meant to just burden you with my wailing.''

 I heard him giggle, cute. 

''You JHBL, me SAGS.''

 Is he saying he will come with me? Or did he say you cry me comfort? Well only one way to see. I got up and walked off to see him following close by, just on the floor. 

 Why was he on all fours- on all fours.. WAIT! This was the man i saw when i first got here! Oh what a bliss it wouldve been if i had him beside me from the start! I smiled at him, which he returned with a overjoyed giggle. Cute.

 I walked out the room and where ive sprinted away from. The bloody path. I could heat his pitter patter behind me. He was like a loyal dog following close by. I walked over the blood, the gentleman said something. Maybe the word for blood?

 Stepping around the blood I got over to the door, I didn't want to dirty my crocks with blood. Ireached for the knob of the first door, I felt a tug on my pajama, looking down I saw Mr crawling. He had a troubled expression. Should I not open it? Well I trust Mr. Crawling, so I will be listening to his advice.

 I walked towards the hallway, I should try to strike up a conversation! When I opened my mouth to speak I was interrupted by footsteps. And that familiar red light.

[eomayas]

Hiii love ur writings 💘💘

And now since your requests are open .... Can I request for a fluff / angst Loey scenario where reader has panic attack in the middle of night and calls her bf Loey who was busy in study but she doesn't wanna disturb him so she doesn't tell him what actually happened but Loey figures it out anyways and comes home to comfort her? 🥹🥹 I hope it's not too much to ask for

call me what you want, when you want, if you want • pcy [req]

pairing: chanyeol x f!reader, established relationship

genre: fluff & angst

warnings: mentions of panic attacks and anxiety

a/n: thank you for the request! i apologize for the lateness🤧 i hope i didn’t generalize too much or anything, ive only had a panic attack twice in my life and was trying to recall what it felt like and how i managed it. apologies if misinterpreted anything. thank you for your patience and support 💕

your eyes fly open and your hand clutches at your chest. you lie flat on the bed, blinking rapidly as a tightness in your chest spreads across the expanse of your sternum. it feels like there is a car resting on your chest, hindering your ability to breathe properly, thus making you panic even more.

you try and recall what your therapist said to do when you start recognizing all of the signs, but your brain is too scrambled to even focus on one single technique, so much so that you start to jumble all of them together and make yourself hyperventilate.

blood pounds in your ears and you push yourself up and lean your back against the headboard. you close your eyes momentarily, your throat feeling tight. this didn’t happen often, but lately you’ve started to feel that particular tightness in your chest more frequently before bed. you’ve been able to work through it, to convince yourself that you’re fine, to breathe, and that you’re fine. you should’ve known that could only work for so long, that one day it was going to take the reigns and do a number on you—you just weren’t planning on it being tonight.

he said you could call him whenever, no matter what. you always felt bad calling him while he was busy, especially when he was working. but he always told you you could call him, even if it was to just talk.

you fish around for your phone in the dark, your hands finding it on your nightstand. the bright screen makes you squint, though you find chanyeols number quickly and press call. you place the phone by your ear and listen to it ring and ring, more anxiety creeping over you the longer it trills.

just when you think it’s going to voicemail, chanyeols soft voice sounds through the receiver. “hello?”

“hi, yeol,” you say, chewing on your thumb nail. you hope your voice sounds normal, and not like you’ve been gasping for air and fighting back tears for nearly thirty minutes. “what’s up?”

his deep chuckle makes you slide down your pillows until you’re flat on your back, your grip on the phone tight. “nothing, really. what’s going on with you, baby?” chanyeol asks. you can hear papers rustling and soft music in the back.

you let out a breath and shrug though he can’t see you. “nothing. am i interrupting you?” you ask, rolling onto your side and bringing your knees up to your chest.

“i told you that you can call me whenever,” the answer is yes. you hum and the two of you get quiet, the only thing to be heard is the quiet music on his end and your breathing. you’ve managed to find some semblance of peace compared to how you felt only moments ago. the trick is to distract yourself from what’s really happening, and before you know it, you’ll feel normal again. “are you still there?” he asks, pulling you out of your own head.

“yes, im here,” you reply softly.

“are you having trouble sleeping?” he asks and you bite the inside of your cheek.

“no.”

“y/n,” chanyeol says, his voice accusatory. “it’s okay if you are.” he adds quickly after.

“i just want to hear you, that’s all,” chanyeol makes a sound on the other line as if to say ‘yeah, right’. he’s going to figure you out and you know it, but you don’t want him worrying about you. “i’m not having trouble sleeping.” you say, and you don’t know who you’re trying to convince more, him or yourself.

chanyeol let’s out a breath and looks at the space around him. he’s not near finished, but he knows you, and knows it’s something else. maybe you aren’t having trouble sleeping, but you rarely call him this late and when you do it’s because you need something. “i’m almost done here, i’ll come home soon, okay?” he says, but the moment you hang up he’s jumping in his car.

“okay,” you say, and you two say your goodbyes. you wonder if you’ll be able to fall asleep by the time that he gets here, but you’re too awake now, and too excited to see him.

when chanyeol makes it home, you’re still in bed, rolled over to face the window. he can tell you’re still awake by the way your shoulders move up and down too quickly for you to be knocked out. “baby,” he says, setting his stuff down and slipping off his shoes. chanyeol walks around to your side of the bed and turns on the bedside lamp to look at you. “it’s late.” he says, sitting next to you.

you only shrug and he peers down at you, his eyes squinting as if he’s trying to figure you out. “what?” you question, looking up at him. chanyeol gently places a hand on your cheek, his thumb absentmindedly stroking under your eye.

“were you crying?” he asks quietly, a small frown on his face. you shrug and his frown deepens. “did it happen again?” and by it, he means your panic attacks. he’s known about them as long as he’s known you, experienced them too and has tried to help guide you through.

you dont say yes or no, but your silence is enough of an answer for him. “was it just tonight? or did it happen yesterday?” chanyeol asks, concern evident in his voice.

there is no point in trying to hide or keep this from him, so you decide to be honest. “well, it happened tonight but i’ve been feeling it all week. i’ve just been stressed,” you admit and he sighs. it’s not a coincidence that they’re happening the week he’s busiest and isn’t by your side in bed. it’s not like you can’t sleep without him, but you’ve been stressed lately and when your thoughts start to spiral you can typically roll into him and distract yourself with his closeness, or focus on his heartbeat to distract yourself.

“you need to tell me these things, baby,” chanyeol pleads. he removes his hand from your face and opens up his arms for you to crawl into. he moves so his back is against the headboard and you’re sitting between his legs with your cheek pressed against his chest.

“i dont want you to worry about me,” you say.

“i’m always worrying about you,” he replies, and you snort a little.

“well i don’t want to know that you’re worrying about me. it’s fine—i’m fine.”

chanyeol pets your hair and doesn’t respond. you both know that you’re not fine and that this isn’t going to end well if you don’t do something about it. “i think you should go back to talk to Dr. Choi. at least tell her that you’ve been going through it again,” he suggests. Dr. Choi is your old therapist that you recently stopped seeing. you started feeling like therapy was a waste of time so you stopped going, but it seems like it was the opposite given that you were better managing your anxiety when you were seeing her regularly.

you let out a shaky breath and nod your head. “i’ll call in the morning,” you mutter and chanyeol kisses the top of your head. “thanks for coming home.” you whisper moments later, snuggling deeper into this body.

chanyeol kisses your head again and runs a hand up and down your arm comfortingly. “of course. please keep calling me, even if it really is just to talk. you know i don’t mind—even when i’m busy.” he says softly.

you nod and close your eyes, his embrace and warmth making you feel safe and calm enough to start to doze off.

[w31ghtl0ss]

— Omg sorry for the late reply it’s Christmas season and we couldn’t be any busier so happy Christmas!! but thanks for your time for this😭💞

— ps! Ignore the censorships my last acc got banned🔥

— Btw I’m curious to know where your 3d came from…Mine is js basically dealing with an almond mom that can get very toxic at times (she was a teen during the Kate Mess Her0¡n chick era, which i think is pretty iconic btw…) and MAJOR body dy$m0rph¡@ which came from my dad cuz he loves to over feed me. (waking me up to eat w him, buying junk even tho i don’t ask, saying he likes when i look f@t cuz it’s prettier than looking $k¡nny in which my mom HEAVILY disagrees and argue with him to stop and he always will end up ignoring her) He’s so sweet he loves me sm and wants to spoil me in a way I completely h@t3. Not to mention I can’t tell my therapist about it cuz she’s gonna tell both my parents and they will tell other family members

— The holidays are so hard to deal w cuz everything about Christmas or any holiday is about food. PLUS NOT TO MENTION OLD YEARS AND NEW YEARS NIGHT💔

— i tried intermittent f@$ting but i usually return to my water fast, i’m at a point in my 3d where I like the feeling of a completely 3mpty $tom@ck🥲. And Ive recently been liking the pr0 @n@ post more and not the pr0 re3s but meh who cares I’ll recover, maybe not now or next year or the other but eventually I will! And yess i love working outtt and I can only walk on treadmill cuz i live in a dangerous 3rd world country but yeah working out daily and resting once a week it is

— @n@ is in the MINDSET. An 0b3$e person can have it js cuz they keep binging and may try but it’s in the mindset, if they feel guilty for 3@ting or feel like they should $+@rv3 themselves and ended up binging, sometimes it’s not always in the progress. But yess! I ALWAYS STAY HYDRATED CUZ THATS BASICALLY MY ‘DIET’ 😄

— AND GUM DOES MAKES ME MORE HUNGRY AND I CANNOT 3AT LOW C@L FOOD AT ALL CUZ I STILL FEEL SO SO GUILTY💔. As you mentioned getting past the 30 hours feels like a breeze or even 72 hours💥

— BUT ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR THE FASTING TIPS I’LL MAKE SURE TO TRY THE FRUITS FAST AND JUICE FAST

— Enjoy your holidays💜

happy christmas!!!

dont worry im up to my knees in things to do too, holidays are so busy! and thank u so much for the asks i seriously love answering them soo much!

(dude the censorships are so hard!! i always forget them :/)

omg ive never been asked about my 3d origin story b4 loll ;] i guess it started when i began realizing how much bigger i was compared to my friends + my dad was super strict when it came to food so one day i just looked in the mirror and thought to myself, “when did i become so b!g??” because when i was very young i was always told how skinny and small i was, but that just isnt true anymore :( i figured it was best to lose some we!ght, and i actually was able to! but then my family began making very hurtful comments about my appearance and my we!ght, saying i was f4t and ugly. i fell into a d3press!0n and had kind of given up on everything, g4!ning back everything i worked so hard to lose, and just becoming very hopeless. a few months ago i was able to dig myself out of that hole and decided to reinvent myself :)) i really just want to be a beautiful person on the outside as well as on the inside.

and youre so right about new years @~@ why is there so much food during this season!! i have to say i am excited about my resolutions, though.. i have a couple d!3ts and challenges i really want to try during the new year! i will probably post them on new years eve, so if you are interested they will be there!!

dont worry, i also usually end up water f@sting, its so much easier to stay on track that way! i just like to give people advice on other of f@sts just incase thats what theyre into, you know? :p

i WISH i liked working out 😭😭😭 i hate it soo much. whenever i have to do it i just get so unmotivated, but i have to do what i promised myself i would ://

omg the gum thing always makes me so jealous of people who can suppress their 4ppet!te that way! im going to start my next f@st tomorrow morning or later today so wish me luck! the 30 hour sweet spot is like heaven and just makes me so motivated!! x) im very excited to be back on track after such a rocky holiday

youre so welcome!! please let me know how your f@sts go and i would love to help you out in any way i can :)) also please dm me sometime if youd like to do a f@st or special d!3t together! its really motivating to me when theres someone doing it with me! or if you ever just wanted to talk to someone that would be cool too!! just wanted to tell u dont be shy and i would love to chat if you ever wanted to!! -3- (this goes for anyone else reading too!! please send me a dm for anything!)

happy holidays!!

sooo much love

-june ;]

[beachesgetpeaches]

yall roman is not a nazi. kendall is not a nazi. (because ive seen people say shit)

They are something worse*. (addition for clarification: compared to what you think of when you accuse someone of being a nazi/fascist nowadays). They are no conviction no lean people, Shiv included. Who do not care whether the next US president gets his ideas from Hitler, so long as the president is in their pocket.

they will fuck anyone and quite literally everyone for their own selfish interest.

Roman pushing Mencken win because Mencken favours Roman and has spoken to him nicely and told him they're going to go far. So Roman steps onto the floor and pushes the narrative, pushes them to call. (also funny the "we're gonna go far" thing esp compared to roman x gerri implosion).

Kendall who for a few second considers how this shit might affect his daughter (a far cry from caring about people in general but hey). That is until his ego is bruised by Shiv's scheming and he decides to agree with Roman... Pathetic, and tragic. Also a bad father, but overall yeah not a good person really. Just chasing his own validation/interest.

And Shiv. Shivy shiv shiv. Who has always been on her high horse because she was the one working for a left leaning politician. She was the one unmarred by ATN and all these duplicitous deals that happen. Until she wasn't. Until Logan dragged her into the narrative and then kicked her a bit just to test her. Until she was consciously part of the abuse cycle bcs up until then she was at least in her opinion much better than her brothers. Until she was making lawsuits and witnesses go away. Shiv who has always cared about people until they are NRPI, right? And Shiv who when given the chance to find common ground between Jimenez and the Roy bros throws it into trash because I guess she knows... she knows that if she calls Nate up she might be able to get something done.

So, she doesn't. She pretends to call and lies to her brothers because when weighing her own benefit (scheme w/ Matsson) against the well-being of the entire country (not having a nazified douche for president) - Shiv Roy chooses her own self-interest. She appeals to the brothers that they need to call for Jimenez, without trying to broker a deal which she now knows might be a no-go for them. But she doesn't sacrifice her self-interest to get them there. She doesn't talk to Nate or Jimenez, or tell them valid reasons why they should probably block the trade (general behaviour, dodgy numbers etc etc).

And this is why ALL of them are worse than just saying "oh my fave turned out to be a nazi"... nah they didn't. They are worse bcs they're flighty as fuck, trying to sit on the highest nicest chair, eat their cake, and benefit while shit hits the fan.

And they're still doing it because of a man who has died and has never listened to what either of them was saying, or wanted. They're still trying to validate themselves by proving to Logan that they're the best one. But Logan is dead, and wouldn't have approved anyway.

tldr; I LOVE THEM!!

* before I get people coming to my replies reblog and ask saying "you can't be worse than a nazi/fascist" let's just state that yes I agree with that statement and I don't want to be debating this to no end. if you compare how kendall shiv and roman behave vs what mencken (modern day fascist/nazi representation) is doing they are not on the same level imo. mencken while deplorable is at least less of a shady fuck compared to the roy siblings. I am not claiming that anything that has happened in this fictional series is in any way worse than ww2 atrocities.

[itoshi-s]

Ive been rewriting 4th rabbit hole so much and tho i hate sending short ideas but i found this and am obsessed with it,, a cute plushie of rin is your only companion while hes away and tho it will never compare the thought of it is euphoric, giving u enough dopamine to be satiated but the real one wont be so latient with the obv disrespect -🐇 (ps what if u strap it with ur fave dildo... imma shut up now before this gets out of hand)

UWAAAAAAH NONNIEEEEE </3 please this has been livin in my head rent free...... the disreSPECT AKJHFAOIS

cw stepcest /sorry i cannot help myself akfhsalfksa this goes into the i&i au i guess

you're just too needy, all too desperate for your own good :( and it's not even your fault, rin had it coming for him tbh as soon as he got you that silly little plushie - mainly as a joke, because you teased him abt it ever since he told u the news that it's in the making - and started spraying it w his cologne every time he had to leave you for a few days. rin's rules are clear, and usually not all that hard to follow - you're not to touch yourself, at least not without his permission. you don't have much problems following through with it - not until rin leaves for a few away games in a row, and you just happen to hit a slump w all your university work.

you're all too hormonal w your ovulation coming up, too, and you just need to unwind. you're always on your best behavior, it won't hurt to abide the book for once, right? but your toys are locked in the pretty little leather case that only rin knows the code for, and your fingers just don't feel as good as your nii-chans anymore. you try to hit all the spots that would make your toes curl, but it seems like he's the only one who can do that by this point :( finally, you try to hump your pillow - well, rin's to be exact, cause it smells just like him, woody and citrusy - but it's just a tad too big, brings your legs in a weird spread that feels more uncomfy than anything else. you roll onto your back, frustration collecting along your lashline in crystalline tears, and just then you feel something dig into your lower back. reaching down, you pull the silly little plushie from under your body - and hold it up in both hands, eyes slowly widening in embarrassment upon your very own thoughts that pop up in that head of yours. it's silly, you know that, and you're not quite sure how you even got that idea in the first place - but next thing you know, the toy is already snug between your trembling thighs as you grind down on it. the embroidery feels a bit rough, just enough to help the familiar sensation build deep in your tummy, and you’re coming all over the soft plush within minutes. once the realization hits, you truly do want the earth to swallow you whole — cause it really is embarrassing, in a way, how you couldn’t even stop yourself and used the innocent sweet gift from your lovely nii san for such lewd thing. but it feels good, better than the pillows or your lithe fingers; and it smells just like rin, thanks to the generous spritz of his cologne. it helps you out numerous times during your lonely stay at rin’s paris penthouse — and you figure out you might need to treat it just like the usual, proper sex toy, and give it a proper wash. that’s where rin finds you when he comes back home — worn out and exhausted from the games and long ass flight, tugging the suitcase behind him. you don’t really hear him until he’s stood in the doorway in your laundry room, leaning against the frame. ‘hi, baby,’ he hums and startles you enough to make you jolt. your face heats up, right up to the very tips of your ears, and you grip the plush toy close to your chest- as if to hide it away. ‘nii chan- you-you’re back,’ you sound a little funny, rin thinks, and it’s what peaks his interest. you turn around, the stuffed toy in hand still, and he wouldn’t think anything of it at all if it wasn’t for your wide eyes. as if you were caught in the act — of what? he chuckles a bit and furrows his brows, cocks his head to the side slightly, ‘what’s with the look?’ rin muses, reaching a hand out to grab at your own - or maybe at the plush toy. you’re not too sure, and it makes you breathe nervously. ‘missed me much? i knew you’d like it.’ he knows something is up when you pull your hands away and give a nervous laugh <//333 and so, he fixes you a puzzled glance, cogs in his head turning as he watches you shake your head, ‘y-yeah. i- it got dirty though, spilled somethin-‘ you start to blabber and stumble over your words, and as he reaches to grab at the toy - just for the fun of it and to test you out - you quickly reach behind yourself and throw it back into the washing machine. and because he knows you all too well, each and every look of yours engraved in his mind, it clicks !!!!!! and it leaves him speechless 😭 for a second, rin’s eyes widen and he wants to laugh - he’s so amused, by the way you fidget in your spot and give him the widest eyes, embarrassed to a fault - until he realizes that no matter how cute and silly this might’ve been, you weren’t exactly good this time around. he struggles to bite back a chuckle, shaking his head a bit as he pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘you’re unbelievable, baby.’ he sighs - and as humored as he sounds, you know rin nii already. the real deal is always better. and he’s about to prove that <3

[seth-burroughs]

mdarc chapter 1 rewatch part 3, and yes, i am aware of the massive pile of asks i have on all my blogs however as always i shall keep running. no don't stop sending them i absolutely appreciate the attention its just i need to mentally prepare two weeks in advance and cry in order to give a sufficient response. you should give it a try and converse with yours truly again some more if the thought of torturing and killing me slowly sounds fun and exciting to you👍

oh look its the child extortion scene

you would think halara, who's got all that trauma from having their family get scammed and destroyed by a friend* they trusted as a child, would be just a tiny bit less comfortable with swindling kids out of their money rn but like you know that's just my thoughts......

they're Reclaiming it <3

*listen. like i know i can't be the only one that thinks that way, but so far so many people ive seen that played this game just went through this gab and thought "oh wow a middle schooler just scammed them that is so crazy lmao", and like. i was under the impression that halara was the one in middle school the entire time, and their "best friend" was just some adult con artist that gained Halara's trust (or just flat out groomed them, honestly) so they could scam their parents. like, you do know this interpretation makes infinitely more sense than... very nefarious 12 year old manipulator investment scamming adults or whatever

has nobody already made a halara "fuck them kids" joke or do i gotta pull out that art program again

this child is like fucking what, five?? literally crying what is your PROBLEM halara...... halara i don't even think he understands half of whatever you're saying to him right now.....................

they didn't even give it back to kei they just tossed it over to yuma???????? lmao?????????

still. they're so fucking cool. i'm giving them the highest honor i can bestow (narcissistic personality disorder and massive autism)

AH WAIT I FORGOT WE ACTUALLY INVESTIGATE SHIT IN THIS GAME OOOOoooooh. ooooooooooh.

i forgot to read the report by the way

*points at jiei colan* SYMMETRY TOOL LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

oh holy shit wait canon age??? jiei is 48??? ok now that is information i am going to blast into my mind permanently and not like. anything slightly more important

casual fatphobia jumpscare

pink blood scene *nods solemnly*

holy shit i know exactly who the culprit is you wont believe it. im so fucking smart. im a genius im a fucking god fondle my nuts while you blow me

i can already feel seth approaching rapidly because my eyes are getting teary and my chest is doing really funny stuff right now. the sense went off

once he arrives i will keep a list of "memorable and beautiful things seth has done in all his 4 scenes" as well as "memorable and beautiful things desuhiko has done in the entire game or perhaps his life" and then compare once we finish. wish me luck

chapter 1 >>>>>>>>>> every other fucking chapter. i am going to kill a man on this hill

THERE HE COMES .

I'm twitching like hell right now. my muscles yearn for the burroughs

UUAAAAAIIIIIGIHUGFFYDFUUUUUGHGHHHHGAAAAAAAAAAGHUSYDGHSDUUUUUHHHHHHHHGGHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H H

HE HIS STUPID FUCKIDGFG WALK

take that rain cape off you fucking coward this is kanai ward. noticed his lil fox symbol on his back and got reminded of wackpedion's religious seth post but im not gonna look for it now. but yeah he's 100% metal fox church guy i told you this chapter got layerssss to it. this is cinema. video games lore have peaked at rain code chapter 1. scott cawthon has been really silent ever since rain code chapter 1 dropped

his face. its heeehhhhere. i am going tocommit vehicular manslaughter. and ask him why is his skin fucking gray

holy motherfucker I TOTALLY forgot how his japanese voice sounds. he sounds. slightly more normal actually. less pathetic if that was possible. its like he still has hope. help me he sounds so young

i like how. he just calmly extremely quietly tells them to stand up while standing like 20 feet away from them and knowing his voice usually doesn't reach above 30db. like he just stands there mumbling to them to plss get up now knowing they probably can't hear him. he jsut. gives it a try. maybe this time

maybe he's trying to awaken his telepathic abilities.

omg god a charlie radiohead wackpedion oc cameo???? i can't believe that wiki let spike chunsoft put charlie in their game in order to help increase sales it is so cool how they support smaller creators like that once again

that cunty stance. who stands like that.

its not fucking on. how did you notice its not fucking on. or did he just did but tried regardless. dead silence.

truly, a flattering introduction

and he. wasn't even that fucking mad he just gave him a very dissapointed look to go and fix that. which makes me think it has happened before. and numerous times

finally, seth has succeeded. you know whats crazy about that scene?? the peacekeepers were knocked out a solid while ago thats gonna be at least 15, if not just 20 entire minutes. realistically if youre uncounscious for that much time (and im pretty sure halara whacked them on the head) then you're gonna be concussed as fuck perhaps even have serious brain injuries (and im pretty sure halara whacked them on the head HARD) like youre not gonna be ok after this. his voice literally healed them. he commanded them to rise and so they did. combined with the blatant christian themes of rain code (makoto is satan. martina's motorcycle is the ark) the answer is obvious seth is jesus where was i going with this again

seth is so fucking chill its unbelievable. its the fourth time something has happened to him this moment, megaphone guy fucked up the fucking volume and he just. takes a few steps back motions with his arms and doesn't even say anything. if that were yomi he'd just bring out the whip. if that were martina she'd verbally abuse them so fucking hard they would not be able to look her in the eye ever again in their lives. if that were guillaume she'd start screeching at dominic to decapitate that man

i am going to look away whenever they mention Bodies Rotting Quickly In Kanai Ward from now on. i shall not. it is not worth it.

megaphone guy cringe moment

i would say something about the entire "public execution" moment but i think i already said enough before. so.

goodbye seth you absolutely fucking SLAYED it

[lovewithoutresin]

Hey Resin zero pressure or rush but when you have the time I’d love to hear your thoughts on the alchemy???

okay yes ive been thinking about this for a few days and it actually makes me want to cry (in a good way!) that you'd be interested enough to literally follow up. admittedly i don't know how much sense this would make to someone who isn't me (as in, how much of this is individualized) but i'll share my thoughts on a few specific lines nonetheless.

so the song as a whole seems pretty straightforward which is why, in contrast with some of the songs that seem more intellectually challenging, people may have a hard time feeling like there's much to connect to there. maybe if you yourself are in a very victorious space you can, but that's not everyone always! so here's how i think of it (huge rant under the cut)

first off, i LOVE the immediate use of "these chemicals hit me like white wine". people talk a lot about the contrast of so high school with various other parts of the album, but it's not as common for people to compare sections of the alchemy from what i've seen, and this line contrasts SO sharply with the thread of substance use (or abuse) in the rest of the album. now i am not an alcohol aficionado. but i do know in terms of how people think of substances, white wine is probably like. the tamest one you could possibly reference. not to mention the only two times when substances aren't referenced as dangerous, illicit, self-harming or sad in some way is in The Alchemy and So High School. to my understanding wine is also associated with relaxation, which is a really nice transitional opening line from the rest of the album's chaos and devastation. it's also i think why, despite the upbeat tone, it's also a very calming backing track.

which is basically what the song as a whole connects to in terms of the album's overall storyline! more than just a comedown from the intensity and a basking in happiness after a storm, the song to me mostly represents a return to the self. multiple times i've experienced the sensation of feeling detached from my sense of self, like i'm not me anymore and am not sure how to return to that person, much less feel in touch with my life as a whole. so for me, just the assertion of "what if i told you i'm back?" is... huge. like yes! i'm back! i'm me again! but there's a question in it also. if i told you i'm back, how would you react? can you look past the crazy shit i was pulling or going through before i returned? have you all moved on without me since i was 'gone'? there's a sort of commitment in the lyrics that follow. 'i circled you on a map. i'm coming back so strong'. even though there's a 'what if' attached, she's coming back anyway, one way or the other. this is more tangential but it's something i was thinking about while writing this.

the chorus reiterates this commitment. it's a complete 180 shift in lifestyle and choice-making. we're getting rid of the clowns that don't have a place on our team. we're not keeping anyone around that's harmful. we are focusing on getting the crown we want and that's going to be something to be proud of, rather than ashamed of (and it's clear that desire HAS been shamed in her in many ways, as if she shouldn't desire success or enjoy a sense of 'victory' lest she be a diva/full of herself/make a partner feel small).

i also personally just really love the line 'that child's play back in school is forgiven under my rule'. it's harder to explain this one but there's something about the idea of taking back charge of one's own life, possibly even realizing the insane amount of power you have, and using that to say we're good. we're not fighting like this anymore. (actually that concept is kind of giving veronica sawyer at the end of the heathers musical lmao). we're forgiving and moving on and i'm coming back to you whether you like it or not! and yes i take this to mostly be directed at the general public and her trying to live in the world again and better appreciate her fan relationships and her new romantic one. but i can't say i don't personally relate it to my own close friendships and how ready they always are to accept me in the wake of whatever i was feeling so strongly before. in that way, it's sort of like an anti-bolter! the bolter says that when there are leaks in the floorboards, you run. the alchemy says if the whole boat explodes and you have to ride a piece of fucking driftwood back to shore, you still come back and you let people love you again. and that pays off! you get life and career victories, you get close relationships! you can get people who commit to you that you can commit back to!

but if i'm honest, the main thing i love this song for is its title lyric. it says so much and raises so many questions with so little. she's spent her whole career toeing the line between fate and free will in her story - the things that are predestined according to some outside force vs the things she meticulously arranges and manipulates. where she falls on the spectrum is always grandiose in some way, but it's almost confusing (unless, yknow. you're the same way and get it sort of instinctively) that she can go to the extreme on these beliefs in both directions at difference times. i think that's well-condensed in this song, because she spends MOST of the album caught up in this idea that she's been swept along by some grander force. here though, she switches from fate over to alchemy, which is the very active process of making gold out of something lesser. and yeah, on its own that's an impressive switch. but it's made more intriguing by the phrasing of "who are we to fight the alchemy?" is she taking matters into her own hands via alchemy (as opposed to prophecy)? if so, why is it something they have to not fight? who is doing the alchemy? or is the fun and freedom of this metaphorical alchemy too much to resist, so it's like getting swept up in your own agency?

it raises a lot of questions and to be honest i haven't fully settled on the meaning of that line to me. what i DO know is as a certified fate/free will obsessor i gravitate towards it like catnip.

so yeah, that's the gist of my thoughts. not sure if you'll find anything that's helpful/enjoyable to you in this but! if the alchemy has zero fans i am not of this earth.

[yuichis-world]

Mondays are fundays kinda……

All characters are (18+ 🔞) and the art is AI

Mondays are my fun days! Kinda….see as 24/7 little you’d think i could do whatever I want spoiler alert wrong! I have a lot of responsibility’s while my daddy’s at work making the moneys cooking cleaning organizing perhaps watching a few cartoons here and there no big deal. That’s not to say I’m not spoiled I get plenty of toys and “attention” from daddy hehe but Mondays tho Mondays are different. Cus Mondays are daddy’s day off and that means he’s home all day…he’s in charge…all day long needless to say there my favorite days but there are a downside or two.

For starters daddy starts the day like normal with a very embarrassing diaper change iv told him I’m ready for the potty but in fairness iv been in diapers so long I don’t even think I can actually hold it anymore doesn’t stop me from trying tho!

Daddy: time to get up baby boy

*he says slowly waking me up giving my heavily flooded diaper a firm squeeze before I even have a chance to open my eyes*

Me: *I groan slowly waking up* ughhh daddy it’s too early 5 more min…

Daddy: no baby it’s Monday and if we wait any longer you’ll make a puddle in the bed *he lifts the boy up with ease he’s small and light compared to me* lets get you changed and fed we’re going to the park today

Me: eeeep the park but but that’s so so….. *as I held on to him as he carried I knew wat to say but couldn’t*

Daddy: Public? Yes it is you need to spend more time outside not hidden away inside all the time besides I need to show off my little one *as I laid him down on the changing table I could see his nervousness but also knowing that I’m right*

Me: can’t i atleast wear undies then daddy plzzz *I knew this would never happen but a boy has to try* I’ll keep them dry I swear *my current maxed out diaper not helping my situation*

Daddy: hahaha no little one no chance your seeing undies when you haven’t even earned pull ups and I don’t see that happening anytime soon either now hush. *i untapped his diaper as he squirmed in frustration I was happy not only see he shaved smooth as instructed but his tiny blue cage was firmly locked in place not that I was surprised as I had the only key* just 2 more days and you get that off you excited?

Me: Yes! Of course I am I haven’t had it off in over a month. *pent up and completely frustrated feeling that cage was bad enough but of course daddy has to mention ever change* I can’t wait to get it off daddy!

Daddy: well you better be good this time cus another slip up and I might make it a whole year next time *I could only grin as I wiped around his cage then lifting his legs with ease getting his bottom very clean* or permanent…kidding kidding….maybe hehe.

Me: daddy!! *I couldn’t really argue with him with my legs currently high in the air* hmph don’t even joke about that *I could only pout as he finished changing me into a fresh diaper using way too much powder* are we going now daddy?

Daddy: yes baby no time to waste *I dress him in a simple tank top hoodie but no pants* gotta be able to see if you need a change or not huh baby? *I don’t give him a chance to argue as I swiftly take him off to the car and buckle him in*

END OF PART ONE… I hope you enjoyed! Plzzzz like and share for part 2

[ashmp3]

maybe im too jaded and cynical or whatever but im convinced girls who try to get other girls to cut their hair or go brown are doing it as sabotage like there's nooo way to me that comes from a place of goodness and well wishing like to me, they're jealous and want to bring you down and rn im sporting my natural mousy brown eastern euro hair but before that I was a hip lenght level 9 hair bitch and I looked crazy good and knew it too but for some reason acquaintances (not friends mind you) were always trying to get me to cut it to like shoulder length and to go darker and like I knew none of these people wished me well so I didn't listen back then and I don't hate my hair now it suits me kinda but I just look sooo plain compared to before like the difference is huge and my best friend is mad at me that I stopped bleaching it 😭 she thinks it's a sign of me stopping to take care of myself or something

you are NOTTT i literally get what youre saying. like misery loves company some people are jealous by nature and dont like seeing when you have something that makes you stand out so they try to give unsolicited advice in hopes to dim your light. i know i sound insaneee and stuck up but i felt it on my own skin too. also thats exactly my natural hair and ive been thinking of toning my bright blonde to it just to dip my feet into getting darker again but 🤐 maybe not LMFAO. and hello HIP LENGHT LVL 9 oh my god rapunzel hello nice to meet you *I* am mad you stopped bleaching it... also thats my main problem i feel like i would feel so plain and ordinary with brown hair because blonde really brightens my face (+i have blonde brows and lashes so being darker is actually much more effort). i am with your best friend like pleaseeee i just know you looked like kirsty hume. Anyway i relate to you i posted my natural hair before and even then people always told me bob would suit me and when i cut it few years after everyone was like ehhh why did u cut your hair LMFAOOOO like okay so i have enemies.

[loversgothic]

Maybe you've done it already and I missed it, but what would Gabriel's two-week-notice look like in the Ultradanse AU?

This has nothing to do with any other comments you have made about feral Gabriel or any other desire to see how he changes from The Gilded Nightingale to The Nightingale.

:3c. OOOHH. WELL

ive been really trying to think about that hard, since comparing the characters to those in fairytales and ballets tended to skew the story a bit.

and uh... my descriptions wont be the best.. im not the best at explaining things in ballet terms moreso just based on my perception of the art form and what i see in it through my eyes.

also im gonna go off of the concept that ultradanse is almost like a stage performance, a show

the most i can do to describe how it looks is to compare it to my vision for the first encounter with Odile/V1... because of the way i designed his lil costume he has a sort of princely look, and even though hes yknow. out to kill V1 because V1 traversed past his warnings, his dancing with V1 then is much more... poised. it might feel a bit distant, maybe it might even seem like hes unsatisfied doing it, as at the time there is no personal connection with V1, no love nor hatred. its not romantic, hardly so. i dont know if this is a good example, but i was thinking abt Prince Siegfried's dancing in Waltz: Tempo di valse...

once V1 is pretty much responsible for his 2-week notice, i like to think Nightingale/Gabriel starts to match V1's high energy, his grace is kinda going out the window... itd be much more intense. if its a pas de deux hes probably getting his fucking hands all over them like hes about to tear them apart. hes abandoning that princely facade. i feel like though in the second half a pas de deux between them would make them slow their pace. now that both of them are dancing together and able to match intensity, it starts to slow down into something more... romantic? yeah :3 i like to think this, this is where any romantic tension starts

now about how he changes from the gilded nightingale to the nightingale. you see... after their second encounter, Gabriel is convinced hes going to die, after all thats what he was told. once he returns from heaven, he seeks out V1 to ask of one final request. he doesn't want to die lonely, and asks V1 to dance with him until the final hour runs out. V1 has no reason to accept his request, other than something pulling at it do so and the possibility it could take a little bit more blood before he's gone. dancing together, progressively Gabriel becomes weaker and weaker.

i REALLY wanted to keep this secret for a scene i wanted to draw but honeeesttlyyyy i dont think its too bad if i share it. after all, im not sharing V1's feelings here. im sharing Gabriel's :3

i had this whole.. plan

my thing abt pas de deuxs is that. i like to find symbolism in the fact that traditionally, the male dancer is supposed to support the ballerina to be able to perform moves she typically wouldnt be able to on her own without someone holding her.

towards the end of their dance, V1 switches positions to hold and uplift Gabriel instead, who has this entire time been in the place of the male dancer. in his approaching final moments V1 lays him down on the ground. he's hardly moving, and V1 holds onto him, finding itself not wanting him to just... disappear.

now im still figuring out HOW i want this to work. but i thought abt V1 in desperation, grasping onto the sides of his helmet and ripping his helmet in half being the symbolic thing that sets him free. the thing about the gilded nightingale, is that the armor is the bird's cage. Gabriel's design in this AU only really has the helmet and no other armor, so it just... makes sense to me. this is what sets him free. how the transformation works though? i am.. still thinking about it. you might need to give me a bit to think about that

[oathofkaslana]

gay hi3 moments from the top of my head (some details inaccurate) also some of these are awful and i hate them ok i need it to be known i dont like all of these.

kiana counting down how long it’s been since she’s seen mei to the minute.

the “i gain the power of 100 men when mei’s around!”

bronya seele kiss in azure waters where seele goes "i gave you my first kiss sm sm" and im pretty sure makes her promise to give one to her when they reunite

FUCK. COOKING W VALKS MANHUA WHERE SEELE GOES "the sea is so beautiful i feel like i could stare at it forever" AND BRONYA GOES "duh because the water is azure blue. just like your eyes" AND GOES LIKE AN INCH IN HER FACE.

i feel like i have to put everything in azure waters oh my god i feel sick i miss them so much.

kiana licking mei’s wound in escape from nagazora

kiana and mei in a hot spring and kiana touching mei’s boobs saying she’s been wanting to. i think also in escape from nagazora.

kiana getting unnecessarily jealous over bronya whenever mei shows her any attention

bronseele ad where bronya complains about having her license revoked and seele going “good! now i know you’re not picking up other girls”

lament of the fallen. (COME ON. COMPARED TO EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD, YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT????)

kiana and mei being compared to a canonical m/f couple, owl and ana.

shakespeare mentions how it’s interesting to see real couples play a part and one of the couples being bianka and rita in durandal’s visual novel.

speaking of that play. biankas cgaracter makes a line about having sex w his wife (played by rita) and rita teases bianka about wanting it afterwards and bianka blushes

biankas one birthday cutscene where the narrator was talking abt how there’s this feeling she can’t put into words and how captivated she is by rita’s radiant smile ← GET A ROOM!!!!!

elysia calling her fight w mei a first date

eden saying that forever being apart of elysia makes her happy because its the most romantic ending

mei saying her favorite colors are orange and red (kiana and her's key colors)

mei coming back to the elysian realm after briefly talking to kiana and eden and elysia both notice how much happier she is and elysia goes "tell me about her" (HER.)

elysia voice. i like pretty girls.

every single elysia and kiana interaction in ch 34 idc if its mei's dream ("im so weak for pretty girls like kiana" "unless kiana prefers something more bold like purring in my arms" <- WHAT IS WRONG W HER!!!!!!!!!!!!)

natasha intenbtionally taking her hood off after mei told her that elysia says she doesnt meet natasha bc of her hood

elymei horn scene.

mei dreaming about having a japanese wedding with kiana.

kiamei matching rings named after chinese numbers symbolic of love that were given out for white day.

kiamei stigmata showing them getting married that was given out for valentines day.

reburn kiss where kiana kisses mei's battered mech while crying after i love you in german flashes on screen.

kiana going "this treasure called love" and immediately getting a text from mei.

"this is a story about love it will end with love" as kiana and mei walk with each other past durandal and rita to meet with bronya whos with seele AS CANON IN D STARTS PLAYING. YK THE FUCKING MARRIAGE CEREMONY SONG.

SAKUKALLEN KISS IN COOKING WITH VALKYRIES

theresa thinking sakura (a woman) kissed her and going "wait! im not like kiana and mei!"

kallen voice "the herrscher girl is innocent and i am in love with her"

^upon learning that kiana blushing and going "theres onthing wrong with falling in love with a herrscher!" while thinking of mei

moon shadow where kiana's heart starts racing bc she thinks fu hua's fallen in love with her and the wlw symbol is drawn behind her as she blushes and says "ive given my body and soul to mei but--"

fu hua later being teased by a coworker who suggested that hua likes kiana

sakukallen "love at first sight" line in sakura samsara

HELP THAT ONE EVENT WHERE VELIONA SLAMS BRONYA ONTO A WALL TO INTIMIDATE HER AND BRONYAS BLUSHING AND AS VELI'S YELLING AT HER, EINSTEIN WALKS OUT, SEES THEM, AND GOES, "sorry for interrupting, have fun"

also in that same event, bronya blushing and avoiding seele the next day and going "sorry bronya cant forget because thats a precious memory for bronya"

susannah fawning over durandal, rita, and sushang

susannah talking about how pretty sushang is and how she likes her voice i hate them oh my god susannah get up

tesla being jealous of welt joyce when ein teasingly gives him special attention in the visual novel

tesla getting jealous when planck (i think) hugs ein tightly and kisses ein on the head

tesla edison fingering joke after edison sniffs her neck.

bronya's bridge interactions w seele. my god i love them so mcuh.

sakura and kallen having heart reactions when you put them in bed next to each other

sakukallen "yae sakura shall fade, beloved, your kin shall live. in the far east 500 years ago where sakura blossoms bloom, yae sakura waits for her one true love"

gratitude arc where kallen loves sakura so much that protecting sakura becomes a part of the oath she genetically passes on to theresa

the 4koma on the sight where kiana and mei are told to get a room, apply for a marriage certificate(? i think), and have heart eyes towards each other while the wlw signs are behind them

kiana voice "this has nothing to do with me going lesbo!!!"

4koma kiana voice "im a lesbian everyone knows that"

elysia and aponia's "girl games"??????????? <- on thin ice but cmon no way that wasnt an innuendo

elysia's interaction w HoO mei where she talks about wanting to touch a particular thing but gets cut off by mei telling her she cant touch her horns again (SHE DOES NOT HAVE HORNS IN HER HoO SUIT)

kiana smiling when she sees mei's boobs in the anniversary vlog short thing.

the shenzhou island event where kiana points a camera at mei's boobs and goes "hehe mei is so pretty"

durarita matching earrings in their matching battlesuits

and ok im blanking now yay this is definitely not all when i say off the top of my head i really mean off the top of my head.