#things you to do remind yourself you are not crazy

[stargirllanaa]

Death Grips. II - R.C

Dark!Frat!Rafe Cameron x f!reader

Warnings: Dv( physical abuse),NONCON, Mentions of Dv, Cheating, mentions of cheating, abusive relationship, gaslighting, manipulation, frat!rafe, blackmail, emotional abuse, underage drinking, he’s an asshole guys

Summary: inspired by ‘death grips’ by Etta Marcus/ After a messy break up with Rafe Cameron your freshman year of college, he can’t seem to leave you alone. Whether you’re awake or asleep

Series masterlist 

A/n: hey guys, I’m currently out of the country so this took me a little longer than I wanted it to but hope u enjoy and pls leave feedback and lmk how u like it!

Part: II

………

As you stormed to your dorm, the only thoughts in your head were, What was the point of all of this? And Why was he doing all of this? He had already taken so much from you; why wasn't it enough? You thought you had been going crazy. First, it was the kiss at the party; now, this. I mean, did he still want power over you that bad?

~~~~

The sound of Rafe's engine created a soft hum behind the blaring sound of his music as he used one hand to steer through the night and the other to turn the volume up slightly before resting it comfortably on your thigh. Raindrops smacked hard against The windshield to be quickly whipped away the second they did.

You hadn't felt like yourself in a while. I mean, of course, you felt like yourself, but you felt like a shell, a casing of what you used to be. Your friends had noticed it too, and the abuse you had been enduring daily was getting harder to hide, not just the bruises but your overall mood; whenever you were happy, it didn't seem as big.

Whenever you were sad, it seemed like the end of the world. You constantly felt anxious, wondering if you would say the wrong thing to Rafe; honestly, it made you want to stay completely silent around him.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by your phone buzzing. It wasn't that important; it was just one of your classmates texting you about a project the two of you were working on together. What you hadn't noticed was Rafe peaking at your phone, too.

"Who's that?" Rafe questioned almost instantly, moving his eyes back and forth between you and the road.

"It's just Cam from my research class," you replied nonchalantly, scrunching your eyebrows as you tried to focus on reading the text.

"Didn't I tell you to block him?" Your boyfriend reminded you more than he asked, and his tone hit a dangerous edge.

"Yeah, but—"you try to backtrack and defend yourself before being cut off by the sound of your boyfriend hitting the steering wheel hard, making you flinch, almost as if he was trying to warn you to shut up.

"There is no, but if I tell you to do something... " he took a long breath, shaking his head. You should respect me enough to do it." When you didn't respond, Rafe took that as a sign to do something to make you respond.

This happened very often. When it came to Rafe, you would tend to shut down, too scared to say the wrong thing.

As you stared out the window, not wanting to argue anymore, arms crossed over your chest, you noticed that the nearby scenery started to drift by faster than it should. Rafe's engine grew louder as his truck moved quicker, and when you looked at him, it all clicked. His knuckles were nearly white from gripping the steering wheel so tight, his eyes shifting back and forth from the road, and you in his face hard as a rock.

"R-Rafe?" You stuttered as the speed of his truck continued to grow, the speedometer moving further and further to the right. But he didn't say anything, and now he wasn't even looking at you, his eyes glued to the road as he continued to push the gas.

"Slow down." Your voice shakes as you try to speak calmly through your growing anxiety, your head whipping back and forth between the road and him. When he still didn't respond, you started to lose it.

"RAFE, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!" You were now screaming through tears; this wasn't fucking funny at all. He was playing with your life, and if this wasn't a joke and he was seriously going to crash the car and kill you both over a text message, it made you feel even more stupid. Rafe had done more than enough for you to leave him, yet you were stupid because you still loved him and couldn't imagine yourself without him.

Instead of slowing down as you asked, Rafe hit the brakes forcefully, causing you to fly forward in your seat and slam your head hard against the dashboard.

"Fuck.." you mumbled under your breath, holding your now-pounding forehead.

Relief washed over you as you looked out the window to see your boyfriend had stopped the truck entirely, but that relief was short-lived when you turned to look at him and were met with cold, calculated blue eyes.

"Get out of my car." Rafe leaned closer, his voice low and dripping with a sinister calm. "I'm not playing around. Get out." The way he said it, flat and final, sent a chill down your spine.

You hesitated, trying to search his expression for any hint of remorse or softness, anything that could explain why he was acting this way. But his face was stone, unfeeling and unmoved by the terror and confusion that must have been clear in your eyes.

"Get out of my car," he repeated, his tone colder, firmer. But you just sat there, clutching your bag and staring at the windshield, hoping that if you didn't move, he'd realize how irrational he was being and calm down.

"Rafe, please… it's pouring out, and it's late. Just take me back to campus, and we can talk about this later," you pleaded, your voice shaking but determined not to show how scared you really felt.

But instead of softening, Rafe's expression hardened, and he leaned over, his hand reaching across to unlatch your seatbelt with a rough pull. "I told you to get out, and I'm not repeating myself again."

You flinched, holding onto the edge of the seat as if it would anchor you there. "No, You're not leaving me out here in the middle of nowhere. I'm not getting out," you replied, your voice firm despite the tremor behind it.

Without another word, Rafe climbed out of the driver's side and rounded the car to your door. The sound of the rain pounding on the roof intensified as he pulled your door open. In one swift motion, he reached in, grabbing your arm tightly, making you wince in pain. You tried to pull back, but his grip was too firm.

"Rafe, stop! Please!" you cried, your voice desperate as you clutched at the car door, digging your fingers into the edges, trying to hold on.

Ignoring your pleas, Rafe yanked harder, digging his nails into your skin as he pulled you from the seat until your feet hit the wet pavement. You stumbled, nearly slipping as he let go, and you could only stand there, drenched and shivering, watching him with wide eyes.

"Maybe you should ask Cam to come pick you up." he sneered before slamming the door shut and stepping hard on the gas. The tires spun momentarily, spraying water in your direction as he sped off into the night, leaving you alone on the empty road.

The silence that followed was thick and pressing; the only sound was the faint drumming of raindrops against the pavement. You felt as if you were standing outside of yourself, staring at this girl who looked so broken and small.

With a shaky breath, you fished your phone out of your pocket, fingers trembling as you scrolled to Cam's number. You hesitated for a second, feeling a strange, bitter sense of defeat. Rafe had already stripped so much of your self-worth; even calling Cam felt like another small submission to Rafe's control. But you couldn't stay here.

The phone rang twice before Cam's voice filled the line, warm and slightly sleepy. "Hey y/n?"

You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out at first. The sob you'd been holding back escaped, the weight of the night pressing down on you all at once.

"Hey, are you alright?" Cam's tone shifted instantly, concern flooding his voice.

You took a deep breath, fighting to keep your voice steady. "Can you… can you come get me?"

~~~~~

As you woke up, your heart continued pounding from your dream. It felt so real, and it was for you at one point, and it felt like torture to keep having to relive it again.

~~~~~

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself as you looked out over the crowd. The night air was crisp, the stadium lights casting everything in a golden glow. You hadn't been to a football game in ages, and even though the noise and energy of the crowd were overwhelming, you were glad you'd let your friends drag you out here.

Your friend Bella leaned over, nudging you with a grin. "Isn't this so much better than moping in your dorm all night?"

You forced a smile, trying to match her enthusiasm. "Yeah, I'm glad I came." You meant it, or at least part of you did. They'd insisted you join them tonight, hoping to pull you out of the isolation you'd slipped into over the past few months. For a second, you almost didn't come, thinking of all the excuses you could make. But here you were, dressed in your school colors, surrounded by people who cared, trying to be normal again.

Yet, as you watched the players run across the field, your thoughts drifted to how much had changed. How you used to feel comfortable in crowds like these, carefree and loud. Now, it felt like a thin layer of normalcy you were trying to wear, hoping it would eventually fit.

As the game broke for halftime, you stood up. "I'm gonna grab some snacks. Anyone want anything?"

They all jumped at the offer. Mia gave you a list with a smirk. "Just think of it as your penalty for making us drag you out here."

Rolling your eyes, you headed for the concession stand, weaving through the crowd until you finally reached the line. It felt oddly peaceful to be alone, a chance to catch your breath from the excitement of the game and the effort of trying to act carefree.

But then, just as you stepped forward in line, a familiar voice behind you made your heart stop.

"Hey," Rafe murmured, his voice low and uncharacteristically soft.

You froze, debating whether to even turn around. You hadn't spoken to him since he ruined your breakfast last week, and you'd been determined to keep it that way. But something in his tone caught you off guard, and reluctantly, you glanced back at him.

"Can we talk?" he asked, hands shoved in his pockets. He looked almost contrite, but his eyes still held that edge, the exact look you'd seen too many times.

You crossed your arms, already feeling your walls go up. "What is there to talk about?"

He sighed, glancing away for a second before looking back at you. "I just think… we should put everything behind us. I mean, we're bound to see each other, and now that Topper and Mia are getting closer, it would be better if we could just… let it go."

Your jaw tightened. "Let it go? You mean forget everything you put me through?"

He shrugged as if that should be easy. "Look, that's just how I am, you know? You could never handle me—"

"You're right," you interrupted, your voice stronger than expected. "I couldn't handle the lying. I couldn't handle being with someone who hurt me just because that's who they are. I couldn't handle seeing you fuck another girl."

He barely flinched, his expression annoyingly indifferent. "You think you saw something. We were going through a rough patch anyway, and you know it."

Your hands shook as you clenched your fists, trying to keep your voice steady. "No, I saw it. You lied over and over and then acted like I was the crazy one for not believing you."

Rafe rolled his eyes as if he'd heard it all before. "Look, we don't have to keep going back and forth about this. I'm here trying to make things easier. If you want to keep holding on to some old grudge, that's on you."

You took a breath, forcing yourself to keep your composure. "Rafe, it's not a grudge—it's knowing who you are. I know you're never going to admit it, but I'm done pretending like you didn't ruin us."

He shrugged, dismissing your words with a half-smirk. "Fine, whatever you say."

Before you could respond, he turned and walked away, leaving you standing there, feeling both angry and strangely free. You'd finally confronted him, and he'd shown you exactly who he was—again.

When you returned to your friends, arms full of snacks, Mia looked at you curiously. " Is everything okay?"

You forced a smile. "Yeah. Better than it's been in a while."

When the game reached its conclusion, as you walked towards the stadium's exit, a familiar voice caught your ear.

"hey, y/n!" The tall brunette man called out to you.

It was Cam. The two of you had become friends since he picked you up after Rafe left you on the street. Well, a little bit more than friends. You wouldn't say the two of you were dating because you'd never put a label on it. Still, you had been ‘talking’ to him since the beginning of the year and sleeping in his room occasionally.

You stopped in your tracks, asking your friends to wait for you before approaching him. He was leaning against a wall by himself, smirking at you as you walked over. It felt good to feel wanted, but part of you knew anything with Cam would never work because you couldn't even picture yourself being in another relationship after Rafe.

"I fancy seeing you here," Cam joked in a mock British accent, making you both cringe and slightly giggle.

You rolled your eyes, but a grin tugged at your lips. “Nice accent, really nailed it.”

Cam chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “What can I say? I aim to impress.” He leaned closer, his gaze settling on you with that familiar warmth. “So, you’re actually out tonight. Didn’t expect to see you at a game.”

“Yeah, it’s… been a while,” you admitted, shifting slightly as his hand found your arm, his fingers lingering just a bit longer than necessary. A warmth spread from where he touched, and you couldn’t help but feel a flicker of something deeper than friendship.

His fingers trailed down to your wrist, tracing lazy circles with his thumb. “You should come out more,” he murmured. “I miss seeing you around.” There was a glimmer of sincerity in his eyes that made you feel seen like he actually cared about you—not just as a friend, but something more.

You were about to respond when you felt an odd weight on you, as though someone was watching. You glanced over Cam’s shoulder, and your stomach twisted as you locked eyes with Rafe. He was leaning against the far wall, his expression dark and unreadable, his gaze trained on the two of you with a sharp intensity that sent a chill down your spine. But he didn’t make a move to approach. Instead, he just watched, his jaw tight and his eyes simmering between anger and resentment.

Cam must have noticed the shift in your expression because he gently cupped your face, drawing your focus back to him. “Hey, you okay?”

You blinked, forcing Rafe out of your mind as you looked back at Cam. The concern in his eyes melted away the anxiety for a second. “Yeah, sorry,” you murmured, leaning into his touch just a bit. “I’m good.”

He smiled, brushing a stray hair behind your ear. “Good. ‘Cause I’ve been wanting to ask if maybe you wanted to go out sometime, just us. You know… something different?”

The sincerity in his voice and the gentle touch of his hand on your cheek made you feel almost safe as if you could finally move forward. You smiled, nodding. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

In your peripheral vision, you could still see Rafe standing there, unmoving, his gaze locked onto you. But this time, you didn’t look back. You stayed in the moment with Cam, focusing on his warm smile and its comfort, realizing maybe it was finally time to let yourself be happy.

~~~~~

You sat cross-legged on your bed, flipping idly through a textbook, when Mia burst into the room with a huge grin, practically bouncing on her heels.

“Guess what!” she announced, eyes shining with excitement.

You looked up, arching an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

“Topper invited me to the beach tonight,” she said, drawing out the last word with a delighted sigh. “And… he told me I could bring you, too.”

At that, you felt yourself go stiff. “Topper invited me? Why would he want me there?”

Mia rolled her eyes, crossing the room to sit beside you. “He’s just being nice! He knows we’re close, and he wants me to feel comfortable. And maybe he figured you’d be the best buffer in case things got, you know, awkward.”

You stared at Mia, skepticism etched across your face. “Mia, you know Topper and Rafe are best friends, right? You really think he just invited me along for the fun of it?”

Mia waved a dismissive hand, her expression somewhere between pleading and confident. “Look, I know what you’re thinking, but Topper promised me it wouldn’t be a big deal. Besides, this is about me and him. You’re just my plus-one, so I don’t feel like I’m getting in too deep alone.”

You folded your arms, still unconvinced. “And you don’t think Rafe’s going to be there? I haven’t exactly been dying to see him.”

Mia huffed, crossing her arms to match your posture. “Okay, I get that, but you don’t have to talk to him. Just be there with me and have a good time. We can stick together, and if he even looks at you wrong, I’ll drag you out of there myself.”

You could see how badly she wanted you to say yes, and you were tired of feeling like the shadow of your past with Rafe was lurking over everything. Maybe if you went, it would feel less like he was still dictating your life from a distance. Still, the thought of facing him—even at a crowded beach with Mia by your side—made your stomach twist.

“Fine,” you finally sighed, feeling your defenses weakening. “I’ll go. But if he starts anything, we’re leaving. Promise?”

Mia grinned and crossed her fingers. “Promise. And trust me, this is going to be good for you. Just give it a shot.”

……

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

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[nadvs]

hard to ignore (two-shot) (part two)

pairing singledad! zach maclaren x nanny! female reader

summary when you’re offered a job as a nanny, you can tell right away that you’ll grow fond of the little girl you’re taking care of. things are easy to manage until you realize you’re falling for her dad.

content warning parental abandonment

» part one

» masterlist

Zach gets you and his daughter box seats for his next home game.

It happens to be on your first day back at work after his family leaves and he jokes that sooner is better than later, not only because his team might get knocked out of the playoffs, but also because Ella could change her mind about wanting to come.

The private space overlooking the stadium is small, only a handful of other people there, as the late afternoon sun shines over the rich green field.

You learned that Zach is a major league soccer player minutes into meeting him. You knew he had an unusual life and a certain level of notoriety as a professional athlete. But seeing the crowds filling the seats below you makes it real to you.

The music and the announcer’s voice boom through the stadium, fireworks going off as players rush the field. All this craziness doesn’t match the man you know. Zach is kind and humble and beneath his silly sense of humor, he has a gentleness to him that you’d never expect from someone whose last name is sprawled over fans’ jerseys, who’s getting cheered for so loudly that it’s deafening.

Ella excitedly claps when her father appears on the stadium screen, his face hard as he jogs under the bright lights. You gaze ahead in awe, unable to believe that this is the world he lives in when he’s not at the house, running around with his daughter, thanking you for everything you do.

After the game ends in a draw, you take Ella home in time for dinner. As you drive, wipers cleaning away the drizzle that just started to fall, she excitedly rambles about the experience from the backseat. You smile to yourself, glad that she enjoyed herself and proud that you’re the reason she went.

As usual, Ella slips out of her chair with a mouthful of food when she hears the front door open halfway into dinner. You watch her dart out of the dining room, listening to the huff Zach lets out every time his daughter roughly launches herself into his arms.

“That was so cool!” you overhear.

“Really?” he says. “You didn’t get bored?”

“Um, it was kind of too long,” she says, “but I had pictures to color.”

“Appreciate your honesty,” Zach replies with a laugh.

They round the corner to enter the dining room and when Zach’s eyes land on you, your heart does a somersault.

“Hey,” he says to you, nervous.

“Hi,” you reply. “Thanks for the fancy seats.”

“They were alright?”

“Good enough for two princesses,” you tease.

“Princess ballerinas,” Ella corrects you as she sits down again.

“Right,” you say. “Sorry. I keep forgetting that we’re princess ballerinas now.”

Zach mirrors your smile, loving the feeling of sharing a moment like this with you. You stand to clean your plate and it reminds him of what his mother said a couple of nights ago. That you look at him the same way he looks at you.

He hopes that it’s true, because he can’t take his eyes off of you. He’s a little embarrassed that you saw him in a match. He’s always loved soccer, but he never liked how much attention is on him as a major league player.

“Maybe you should wait out the rain,” Zach says to you. “It started coming down hard on my drive home.”

“Good idea,” you say, happy to spend more time with him.

The rest of dinner consists of Ella happily chattering with you and Zach. As she clears her plate, Zach’s phone buzzes on the table top. His lips purse in worry at the notification, and then he shows you the severe thunderstorm warning message on his screen.

“That looks bad,” you say. “How long is it supposed to go on for?”

“It says into the early morning,” Zach answers. “Do you want to crash here?”

“I’m sure I could make it home,” you say. “I’ll just drive slowly.”

Zach’s lips part, and then he closes his mouth, simply nodding.

“What?” you chuckle. His eyes dart away.

“Just worried about you,” he admits. You huff an endeared laugh.

“Fine. I’ll sleep here,” you decide.

He sighs a breath of relief and says, “Thanks.”

Zach takes Ella to bed and you settle on the couch, glad you already have everything you’ll need in your overnight bag in the guest room. You eventually hear his footsteps coming down the stairs over the sounds of the television and the rain hammering down on the roof.

He sits on the other end of the couch next to you, so far that a person could easily sit between you. It’s typical Zach, never getting too close to you. The only time he’s ever touched you is when he shook your hand before your interview half a year ago.

“She fell asleep while I was explaining what offside means,” he says with an adorably puzzled expression. “Trying not to be offended.”

“I can’t believe she’s actually interested in soccer,” you say.

“Ouch.” Zach puts his hand over his heart. “Okay, I’m offended now.”

“I mean because you said she never cared before,” you laugh.

“I asked her so many times if she’d want to come to a game,” he huffs. “But you suggest it once and she’s immediately in. She always listens to you.”

“Not when I’m trying to convince her to leave the park,” you say. He chuckles. “Can you believe she’s starting kindergarten soon?”

Admittedly, Zach’s concerned about it. In less than a month, Ella will be going to school and he never was one to have much anxiety before he became a father, but all he does now is worry. He doesn’t want any teachers or kids to be harsh with his little girl. She’s already been through enough.

“She’ll be okay,” you say.

“What?”

“You have that worried look on your face,” you tell him. “She’ll love school. I’m sure of it.”

“You can read me pretty well,” he says, smiling. You shrug timidly, thinking back to how quickly he’d noticed something was bothering you on the night of Ella’s birthday.

“What?” he asks.

“It goes both ways,” you admit. “You saw right through me after the party.”

Zach’s jaw tightens, the playfulness between you replaced by a fragile air. He takes a breath before speaking. He knows he needs to have this conversation with you.

“Do you feel better about what she said?” he asks.

“Yeah,” you reply. Now that you’ve had some time to process, you’re okay. “How about you?”

“Well,” he begins, nerves tightening in his stomach, “it wasn’t easy to hear. Ella shouldn’t have to wish she had a different mom. Jade should be here for her.”

He’s never said her name. He’s never looked like this before, his eyes avoiding yours, hand trembling a bit as he scratches his jaw. You can tell this is hard for him to talk about. But he’s choosing to do it with you.

“You said ex-wife that night, but she was never my wife,” Zach admits.

“Oh. Sorry. I just assumed.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I know I haven’t told you much. When we talked that night, it reminded me of just how much you don’t know about it. I just… I hope you know that you’re… you’re so much more than Ella’s nanny. You’re our friend. And you’re obviously a mother figure to her. And it feels weird that you don’t know what happened.”

His words sink into you, every syllable having an effect on your heartbeat.

“What happened?”

“Ella was a surprise,” he tells you. “Jade and I were dating in our senior year of college when we found out she was pregnant. And then I got drafted into the league and we graduated and everything was happening so fast, but we were happy and… I stayed happy and she didn’t.”

You nibble on your bottom lip, looking at him as his eyes stay trained off of yours.

“We broke up a few months after Ella was born. But we were both sure we could handle co-parenting. She stayed at home while I worked. I could see she didn’t like it, though. She wasn’t a bad mother or anything. She just wasn’t very… affectionate with Ella.”

Your chest tightens. It’s painful to imagine Ella wanting love and not getting it.

“I don’t know. I thought she’d eventually feel how I feel about being a parent. I tried everything,” Zach says, remembering how he’d encouraged Jade to go to therapy or take time away or work while they hired help. It was like she was stuck in her unhappiness. “But then she left and… that was it.”

He finally looks at you and the tenderness in your eyes gives him a breath of fresh air. It’s what you do. Just by being you, you give him the push to stay hopeful that he and his daughter will be okay.

“We weren’t in a good place when you came. But you made things so much better,” he says. “You do an amazing job taking care of her. I really appreciate it.”

Your eyes light up, the smile on your face gentle.

“Thank you for saying that,” you say. “And thank you for telling me the full story. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Zach sighs now that the weight of reliving it is gone.

“I really do love her. I meant it when I said it.” At this point, you’re sure you love him, too, but you wouldn’t dare say it out loud. “And I feel lucky to get to watch her grow up. This doesn’t even feel like a job to me anymore.”

“So, what I’m hearing is, you don’t want the pay?” he says. You find relief in his joke, tossing your head back with a laugh. “Seriously, though, let me know if you need me to keep things the same while you’re part-time during the school year. I don’t mind.”

“Wait, are you offering to pay me for hours I’m not even working?” you chuckle. “Zach, no. I’m good. I have other things lined up. But thank you.”

“What? Everyone knows you should always accept free money.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you say. “How do you even have the energy to joke around right now? I just watched you run around for ninety minutes.”

Like always, Zach blushes when you bring up his job. He’s intense and focused on the pitch, but he’s different when he’s at ease at home.

“There’s a break in the middle,” he replies.

“I stand corrected,” you say. “So, how’d you get into soccer?”

Your conversation quickly and easily drifts into topics you hadn’t explored before, the storm raging outside as you learn more about him and he learns more about you. He’s still on the other end of the couch, but soon, his arm is resting against the back of it, his hand inches away from you as you sink into the soft cushions, beaming at each other as you talk.

You don’t want to stop, but eventually you can’t stifle your yawn, prompting Zach to check his watch.

“Jeez,” he says. “Ella went down three hours ago.”

“Are you serious?” You sit up. “That flew by.”

Zach knew that the more he learned about you, the more of a goner he’d be. It feels like he just went on the best date of his life and all he did was sit on his couch and talk.

There’s something between you and he hopes that it’s not just his infatuation misguiding him.

────୨ৎ────

You were right. He had nothing to worry about. Ella’s more than happy at school. It’s only a week into the year and she’s already naming all her new friends when Zach picks her up Friday afternoon.

Her first dance recital is tonight and he’s looking forward to seeing you and his family there. Ella had even mentioned that her other grandparents could come. They were elated to get the invitation.

And of course, when he arrives at the studio that evening, you’re already there, reliable and steady like you always are. You greet him and his family warmly and introduce yourself to Jade’s parents.

It feels wrong to hear you refer to yourself as Ella’s nanny. You’ve been in his life for eight months now and you’ve nestled your way into his soul so deeply that he knows you’ll stay with him forever.

He’s been grappling with this since he first realized he had feelings for you; this bothersome sense of wrong. He can’t pursue you. Technically, no matter how much it doesn’t feel like it, he is your boss. He pays you to take care of his child. If things went sideways, it could push you to leave.

Although he’s never felt this much love for a woman in his life, it’d be selfish. He can’t do it to Ella. He didn’t even want to date other women when Jade was still around simply because it could confuse his daughter.

But you’re different.

His thoughts are interrupted when you look at him, pulling him out of his haze.

“I saved us seats,” you tell him.

Zach’s sitting between you and his father when the recital starts. Eventually, Ella drifts across the middle of the floor between the other dancers.

“This is the part she’s nervous about,” you whisper to him, recalling how she’d told you that this part in the choreography makes her trip sometimes.

You watch her hop sideways, focused as the music grows faster. You’re so on edge that you don’t realize your hand slips into Zach’s, squeezing nervously. She lands her last skip and rejoins the group. You let out a sigh of relief. Then, you look down, seeing your fingers wrapped around Zach’s.

“Sorry,” you say, trying to laugh it off as you pull your hand back. “I think I’m taking a five-year-old’s dance recital a little too seriously.”

Zach can only offer a tight smile. His team’s inching closer to advancing to the championship semi-finals and the pressure has never been heavier, but even that hasn’t affected him like the tension he’s feeling right now. His whole body is on fire from your touch, and it won’t go away.

When the recital comes to an end, Zach leans closer to you to murmur over the applause surrounding you.

“You going out to dinner with us?” he asks.

“Do I have to?” you quip.

“What, you got a date or something?” He worries that the joke was too much. Too flirty.

But you laugh and say, “I haven’t had a date or something in forever. Yeah, I’ll come.” Although it’s hard to believe that a woman like you is single, he’s glad you are.

The eight of you sit in the busy restaurant, making conversation. As Zach expected, Ella insisted she sit next to you. You have endless patience for her, listening to her talk, answering her questions, letting her pick off your plate. He would move mountains for his child. He can tell you’d do the same.

Zach picks up the bill and you all say your goodbyes to Jade’s parents, who insisted they didn’t need to stay the night. Before you head out, you tell his family it was nice to see them again. He can tell you’re a little surprised when his mother pulls you in for a hug, but you kindly return it.

Connie obviously appreciates everything you’ve done for her son and granddaughter. Zach tries not to daydream too much, but he likes imagining being your boyfriend and telling you that his mom called that you’d become something one day.

When you say bye to Zach, your gazes meet like you’ve been waiting for a private moment for ages. Things changed on the night you stayed over. You went from friends to a gray area of something more, neither of you acting on it but knowing it’s there.

Only an hour after Ella falls asleep, Zach’s parents and sister turn in for the night, tired from their drive in. Zach is too wired, silently sitting in his living room, his tea not having its usual effect of soothing him.

He goes through his camera roll, wishing he could go for a drive to relax, but not wanting to leave his daughter in case she needs him. He stares at a photo his mother took of you and him and Ella earlier tonight after the recital, Ella’s hair frizzy from all the jumping around she did.

His smile is wide and so is yours and you look like more than just someone he hired to help take care of his daughter. You look like a family.

He opens your conversation and sends you the photo. It’s nearing 10 p.m. and he’s not sure if you’re already asleep, but you respond a minute later: Aw I love this. Thanks :) How’s your night going?

Zach responds: Good… but everyone’s asleep and I’m still wide awake. Yours?

You reply: Is your tea not working?

He smiles to himself and texts back: Not this time.

You text: I’m kind of wired, too.

How come?

Not sure.

He replies with a joke: Could be Ella’s fault. I saw her eat a lot of your dinner. It’s probably hunger keeping you awake.

Once again, his mind drifts to the way your palm felt against the back of his hand tonight. Then, he hears a door open upstairs. In case it’s Ella, he quietly rushes up the stairs to run into his mom, who’s leaving the bathroom.

“Sorry,” he whispers when he startles her. “I thought Ella woke up and I didn’t want her to think I was gone.”

“I’m sure she’ll be deep asleep until the morning,” Connie says. She notices he’s still in the clothes he wore to the recital. “Can’t sleep?”

“No,” he chuckles. “I’d go for a drive, but I–”

“If she wakes up, I’m here and if she needs you, I’ll call. Go. You need to take care of yourself, too.”

“I’m fine.”

“Go for a drive,” his mother insists. “She’s okay. I promise.”

Zach considers it. With work and Ella and you, his mind has been sort of chaotic. A drive, even a short one, will give him some relief.

“Thanks,” he finally says, giving his mom a grateful smile.

The streetlights plunge him in and out of darkness as he drives through town. When he got in the car, the impulse to go see you seemed ridiculous. With every minute that passes, it feels less and less silly.

Zach eventually pulls over and looks at his phone, staring at the text message he sent you ten minutes ago. How could he even ask to come over without coming on too strong or crossing a boundary?

He’s not sure if he believed in signs from the universe before, but when you text him right when he’s considering if he should text you, he takes it as his answer.

Nothing is ever her fault. But now I’m having a midnight snack lol. Are you still awake?

He replies: Yes. Just driving around. Do you want company?

He’s nervous as he waits. But then you send him your address.

Minutes later, you open your door to gentle knocks, heart skipping when you see him. At this point, being apart from Zach is starting to hurt. You lied when you texted him. You know exactly why you’re wired. It’s because he won’t leave your mind.

“Hi,” he says, a pink hue on his cheeks. “Kind of crazy that you’ve been to my house a million times, but I have no idea what your place looks like.”

“Is that why you’re here?” you ask. “You need to see it that bad?”

“I think it’s what’s keeping me awake.”

You laugh, stepping back, inviting him in. Zach’s eyes travel over your apartment, taking in every little piece that you’ve put into it. Being here is more intimate than he expected. And then you shut the door behind him, thickening the tension, both of you now sharing complete privacy in a way you never have before.

“Is that an Ella original?” he says, pointing to a drawing stuck on your fridge.

“Yup. That’s me and her and the castle we live in,” you tell him. You lead him into the kitchen as you gaze at the bright crayon marking the paper. “And that’s her horse. She was very adamant about it being her horse. But I can pet it if I ask nicely.”

He laughs and gazes at the drawing, touched that you’d keep something his daughter made up on display. Even when you’re not at the house, you want to be reminded of her.

“Where am I?” he asks in mock offense.

“I’m sure she meant to include you, but the horse took up too much space,” you explain, looking over your shoulder up at him. He’s inches away from you, towering above you. You’re so close to him that you can see the stubble growing over his jaw.

“The tutus are a nice touch,” he says, pointing to the pink skirts drawn on both of you. You laugh and turn to face him all the way. You clear your throat, smitten that he’s really here.

“She was great tonight, huh?” you ask.

“She was.” Zach’s smile is bright, the same way it always is whenever he talks about her. “And she wanted all the grandparents there.”

“I think that’s progress.”

“Me, too.” He exhales. “It was an almost perfect night.”

“Almost?”

“My hand still hurts,” he mumbles, face pinching as he looks down at his hand.

“Listen…” you say with a bashful smile. “I’m sorry, okay? I was stressed.” Zach laughs and it takes everything in him not to hug you. “Was it really that bad?”

“So bad,” he teases, flexing his hand. “You’re too reckless.”

“Reckless? Is that what you think of me?”

Zach cocks his head, staring down at you with a look that burns through you, and soberly says, “No. It’s not.”

His gaze drifts over your face, taking you in slowly. You think back to the first time you saw those eyes, sad and distant. Comparing the way he looked that morning to how he’s gazing at you right now is like comparing black and white.

The light atmosphere has quickly been replaced by a somberness hanging over both of you. Your heart is thumping against your chest. Hard.

“What, then?” you ask.

How can he even find the words to describe how you make him feel? You fit perfectly in every way. You settled into his life like there was always a place waiting just for you. Even tonight, when you grabbed his hand for only a moment, it felt like he was born to be touched by you.

You’ve brought light to his life. He always looked forward to coming home to his daughter, and now he looks forward to coming home to you, too. And having to continue to live like this, acting like his heart isn’t completely yours, is torture.

“I think you’re…” Zach’s tone is low, lids dropping as he looks at your lips before he speaks again. “Perfect.”

Your breath catches. You’ve been able to keep yourself away from him for what feels like ages. You’re not sure you’ll have the strength for much longer. This is the moment where everything can change. You know you both feel it.

“Should I not be here?” he says quietly.

It’s his way of making sure you’re okay. That you want him to be here as badly as he wants to be here. That even though maybe this shouldn’t be happening, you have faith that it will only bring you both joy, and you don’t need to consider the risks because you’ll never have to face them.

He looks so painfully unsure that you long to comfort him. Your hand finds his and he laces his warm fingers between yours the instant he feels you. He exhales slowly, never having felt so vulnerable before.

Too much is on the line. He’s only thinking of himself right now. He shouldn’t have come here, he shouldn’t have given in, he shouldn’t have–

“Stay,” you whisper. Your simple word untangles the knot in his chest. You step closer to seal the distance that remains between you. His eyes finally drift back up to find yours.

“I can’t help how I feel about you,” Zach murmurs. “I don’t want to mess up how good things are, but I just…”

He trails off into silence, sighing shakily.

“I know,” you say. “Me, too.”

“Tell me to leave,” he says with a note of pity. You breathe a sad chuckle.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I want you here.”

Zach’s grip on your hand tightens, his heart feeling like it’s just been put together after being fractured for years. His lips part and while he doesn’t know how to say how much your words mean to him, he knows how to show it.

He leans closer, cupping your face, capturing your lips with a soft and impatient kiss. You dissolve into bliss, eyelids fluttering closed as his hot mouth presses against yours, head swimming, body buzzing.

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer, eyelashes overlapping as you kiss deeply, hungrily tasting each other in adoration. His arms circle around you and surround you in warmth.

He lets out a short, almost silent moan against your lips, relieved and assured and grateful that you want him this badly, too. Everything about this feels right. He’s where he’s supposed to be, standing here, kissing you, baring his soul.

You’re breathless when you eventually pull away, eyes slowly opening as he tilts to plant a lazy kiss on your forehead, thumbs stroking your cheeks.

“I kept telling myself that I can’t like you,” he says against your skin. “Do you have any idea how impossible that is?”

You exhale a contented sigh, afraid that you did actually doze off and that this is all just a dream.

“I think I do,” you reply.

Zach’s laugh is breathy, leaning back just enough to look at you. He’s in awe, his lips tender from pressing against yours, his knees weak as he holds your face in his hands. Now that he doesn’t have to hide it or force himself not to stare, he lets himself drown in your eyes.

He brushes his lips against yours again and you smile under the kiss, placing your palm over his hand.

“Is this the hand I hurt?” you tease, gently squeezing.

“Ow,” he playfully winces, making you laugh. You nuzzle your cheek against his palm and smile up at him.

“You sure you like me?” you say. He’s sure he loves you, but it’s too much, too soon to say at this moment. “You know you can’t afford any injuries right now.”

“Worth it,” Zach plays along.

“I keep wanting to ask you about work,” you say. He hasn’t spoken much about playoffs, but you did a little research on his team’s standings. “How has it been? Are you stressed?”

“Pressure’s on, but I’m fine,” he says simply. Your words won’t find you at first. It’s sort of unbelievable how he doesn’t ever flaunt his success, not even a little bit.

“That’s it?” you laugh.

“What?”

“Your team could go to the finals and you’re just fine?” you say.

“How’d you know that?” he says, his heart warming.

“Had to look it up. Not like you’ll tell me,” you quip, pulling away, his hands falling off of you. Zach chuckles, following you into your living room.

“Are we fighting already?” he asks.

“We won’t be if you tell me why you get all cute and shy whenever you talk about your job,” you say, settling on the couch.

He sits to face you, his knee bumping yours. You love that he’s as close as you want him to be, instead of keeping a distance like before. He finds your hands, holding them in his.

“Just a second,” Zach mumbles. “I need to process that you called me cute.”

You giggle, leaning forward to nuzzle against his chest.

“I’m serious,” you say, your voice muffled by his shirt. “We talk about my job all the time.”

“Oh, come on. Because we have to. That’s the whole deal.”

“Is it?”

Zach sighs, kissing the top of your head, loving the way your body slightly shakes with your laughter. You sit up again, looking down as you interlace your fingers with his, playing with his hands as you wait for him to speak.

“I love soccer,” he says, “but I never expected I’d be good enough to go pro. And somehow, I did and all the attention that comes with it is just… it’s not me. I’ve never been the loudest guy in the room. Never wanted to be.”

You nod. You could tell soon after meeting him that while he’s confident and loves to joke around, he’s not one to demand the spotlight.

“And now the more attention I get,” he continues, “the more people might want to know about me and I’d rather keep Ella safe and give her a normal life.”

He scratches his cheek, uncertainty flashing on his face.

“And… I’m not exactly proud that I’m not working a normal job. I’m always thinking that maybe it’d be better for Ella if I had a nine to five, but the pay is great and I can’t play forever, so I just want to save up as much as I can for her. Then I’ll find something more steady.”

You're sure you’ve never met a person this humble. It’s nice to know what goes on in his head after having wondered for so long.

“Will you still even need a nanny then?” you ask lightheartedly. Zach purses his lips as he nods.

“I will if she’s you.” You smile as he pulls you in, holding you as your cheek rests against his shoulder.

“I don’t think there’s anything that you shouldn’t be proud of,” you tell him. “You’re an amazing father.”

“You don’t know how nice it is to hear you say that,” he admits. The worries that he’s being selfish have been gnawing at him for a long time. He’s always concerned he’s making the wrong choices for his daughter.

“I think it every time I see you with her. I know you said she was a surprise, but you treat her like being her dad is all you’ve ever wanted.”

Zach leans to kiss your forehead over and over again, palm gently pressed on your cheek, like he’s making up for all the times he wanted to kiss you but couldn’t. You start to giggle under all the kisses, hugging him tighter.

“Speaking of,” you say, “I’m sure you’re thinking it, too, but we should keep acting like we’re just friends when we’re around our boss.”

He breathes a chuckle, nodding as he looks down at you lovingly.

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “We’ll take it slow. She’ll be so happy when we tell her.”

“You think so?” you say, your heart blooming from the certainty in his words, from the way he unabashedly intends on being with you and telling his daughter.

“She’s always asking me if I like you.” Truthfully, Ella asks if he loves you, but again, he doesn’t want to use that word until he’s sure you’re comfortable with it.

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah,” he says. “She actually asks if I like you yet. It’s like she knows it’s inevitable.”

You realize that the way you’re wrapped up in each other does feel like it was always inevitable. You know that your heart would never have been able to resist him. You’re glad he feels the same way about you.

────୨ৎ────

A week after the night in your apartment is the semi-final. You’re sitting in the living room playing with Ella with the game on in the background. She’s partly interested, whereas you can’t ignore the ball of nerves sitting deep in your stomach.

Zach’s been opening up more about his job when you get time alone, admitting that the pressure can give him tunnel-vision sometimes. You’ve taken on the workload as much as you can so that he’s not too stressed.

You’ve kept things the same when you’re around Ella and you’ve already determined that if she asks why you’re so invested in what’s on tv, you’ll simply say you grew an interest in soccer after the home game you both attended. But she’s too busy playing with clay to care.

The first half ends with no goals scored. You set up an afternoon snack for Ella, letting her help, your mind elsewhere as you imagine Zach in the locker room, wondering what his coach is telling him and what he’s thinking about at this moment.

Five minutes after half-time, the opponents score. Your heart sinks. Twenty minutes later, Zach scores. You have to stifle how loudly you want to cheer.

Then, the game goes to penalty shoot-outs. Zach had told you how much he hates when a game comes down to that. It’s a nail-biting few minutes, but Zach’s team wins, securing their spot in the finals. In his next game, his team could take the cup.

Right before dinner, you and Ella change into the jerseys you’d secretly bought a few days ago. Zach already told you that even if his team wants to celebrate a win together, he’d prefer to see you two, so you know he’s coming straight home.

He steps through the front door to see you in his team’s jerseys, rushing to give him a hug. Your arms are around his shoulders while Ella’s are around his hips, both of you excitedly cheering. Zach’s heart has never felt so full.

“So, I take it you watched it?” he mumbles into your hair, reveling in the familiar aroma of your shampoo. It takes everything in you not to kiss him when you pull back.

“You did amazing,” you tell him.

“Daddy, do cats ever come to your games?” Ella asks.

Zach looks at you, puzzled.

“There was a commercial with clips of animals crashing soccer games,” you explain, laughing. “It’s a valid question.”

“I haven’t seen any,” he tells her, kneeling to meet her eyeline. “But I hope we get one so I can tell you all about it.”

“Could we keep it?” she asks.

“If a cat comes onto our field and it doesn’t have an owner, sure, we can keep it,” he says. She jumps excitedly, then runs off to play. Zach stands up again, grinning at you.

“Don’t let her watch any more matches,” he says. “If a cat shows up, I’m done for.” You laugh, crossing your arms simply to keep yourself from touching him.

“Congratulations,” you say. “I know you don’t like the attention, but you deserve it.”

“Thanks.” He looks down at your jersey. “It looks great on you.”

“Yeah?” you ask, turning to show him the back. It’s his last name and number. He almost can’t believe this is really happening, that he met someone like you who cares about him this much.

“Better on you, I think,” you say.

“Impossible.”

You face him and he gazes at your lips in the way you know means he wants to kiss you. In the few private moments you’ve had since you confessed your feelings for each other, you’ve shared warm hugs and sweet kisses. You can’t wait until you don’t have to hide your love for him anymore.

“Dinner in twenty,” you tell him. “I bet you worked up an appetite.”

Zach’s legs are heavy as he trudges up the stairs, partly from fatigue, but mostly because the last thing his body wants to do is be away from you.

────୨ৎ────

Zach’s family drives in to watch the championship game at the house. You weren’t all that nervous around them before, but now that you and Zach are privately dating, you’re eager to impress them.

He had mentioned to you that he hadn’t told them about you yet, but he’s hoping to the next time he sees them. He also told you how his mom had a suspicion about you two, which makes you hope you’re not too obvious.

It’s only been a couple of weeks since you decided to date, but every moment you get alone with Zach isn’t long enough. You knew he was kind-hearted, but now that he’s not holding back, he showers you with affection and compliments, reminding you of how much he appreciates you every day.

Just like it is with Zach, it’s easy with his family. You talk and snack and take turns playing with Ella while you watch the game. The game starts off as promising, but unfortunately, the final ends with a loss for his team.

“He did tell me they were kind of the underdogs,” you say to his family sadly, watching the screen. “I still think it’s great that he got this far.”

The stadium he’s playing in is hours away and he won’t be getting home until after midnight. You spend the rest of the evening with Zach’s family, wishing you could see him and give him a comforting hug.

When Zach gets to the locker room, dejected and disappointed, he checks his phone to see a text from you. I know it’s not how you wanted the season to end, but you played an amazing game. We’re all so proud of you, no matter what.

It’s ten minutes past midnight when you hear the front door open. You’ve been sitting in the kitchen, staying awake on your phone after everyone turned in for the night. You turn on the kettle you already filled with water and find Zach in the dim hallway, meeting his eyes with sympathy.

“You’re here,” he mumbles in surprise. You only close the distance, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and squeezing him tightly.

“Wanted to see you,” you whisper. “Are you okay?”

“I’ve had better days,” he admits, kissing your neck. “This feels good, though.”

“I’m making you some tea if you want it,” you tell him, “but if you’d rather go to bed, I get it.”

“Tea sounds good.” He pulls back, stroking your cheek. “You’re really proud of me? Even though I’m a total loser?”

You half-chuckle, nudging him.

“Never call yourself that again,” you say.

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll stop ‘accidentally’ making too much food,” you joke, earning a chuckle from him.

You settle in the kitchen, reminded of the first time you sat together like this all those months ago to plan Ella’s birthday party. Now she’s halfway to six years old, growing faster than you could have ever anticipated.

After you put the steaming mug of tea in front of him, Zach puts his hand over yours, squeezing.

“I tried to be positive but I saw it coming,” he admits to you. “They were the stronger team. We’ll just train harder and hopefully get them next year.”

“And I’ll be with you every step of the way,” you say. “Just don’t beat yourself up over this, okay? You’re not a loser.”

“Baby…” Zach breathes a chuckle. “Being with you makes me feel like I’m always winning. It sucks to get this far and to put so much work in just to lose, but knowing you and Ella are waiting for me at home… That's what my life is really about.”

You stare at him, awestruck, heart beating so hard that you can hear it in your ears.

“I love you,” he says. “I’m sorry if it’s too soon to say, but I’ve loved you for a long time.”

You bite your lip, giving into the urge to lean closer and kiss him. When you pull back, palm resting on his cheek, you smile.

“I love you, too,” you say. “It’s not too soon.”

“Phew. I was more nervous about telling you than I was about the game,” he says. You laugh, pinching his cheek.

“Stop being so cute,” you whisper.

“I can’t help it,” he quips. “I didn’t forget how you said you haven’t been on a date in forever. What do you think about tomorrow night? Ella will stay with my family and you and I can go out for dinner.”

“That sounds perfect,” you tell him. You chat a little longer before you head home.

When Zach tells his mother he’s taking you out for dinner the next morning, she’s overjoyed to hear that you’re an item now and throws in a few ‘I told you so’s. When the evening rolls around, he tells Ella he’s running some errands and instead drives to pick you up from your place.

Sitting across from you at a restaurant on a real date feels like a dream. He holds your hand on the table and nudges your knee with his every so often, unable to keep his hands off of you like usual. It’s like talking with a best friend, the conversation flowing so naturally that he refuses to believe he’s only known you for just shy of a year.

When he drives you home after dinner, you lose track of time kissing him goodnight.

────୨ৎ────

You and Zach had discussed that today would be the day. Now that you’ve been together for over eight months, he’s ready to tell Ella.

It’s a Saturday and Zach’s making lunch while you and Ella set the table. Long gone are the days of spending just a few minutes together, one of you arriving at the house while the other one gets ready to leave. The three of you are almost always a unit now, settled into a routine.

After lunch, you leave as planned so he can talk to her one-on-one. Zach finds Ella drawing on her bedroom floor after he says his goodbyes to you and knocks on her door.

“What are you drawing?” he asks.

She holds up the paper, three figures under the shining sun. When he asks if that’s you, him, and her, she happily nods.

Zach settles on the floor, watching the way she colors in the yellow sun, her legs kicking in the air. He’s seen a change in his child. There’s no doubt about it.

While she was always a happy kid, she’s grown to be much more expressive and affectionate since you stepped into their lives. You bring out the best in her. The best in him, too.

He tries to force down the tears that come up every time he looks at his daughter and thinks about what happened a year ago. She’s too small to have to know the pain of abandonment and betrayal. He pushes away the thought.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Zach says, clearing his throat.

“Do you want another bracelet?” she says.

Zach smirks, looking down at the beaded bracelet on his wrist that she made for him a few days ago. She made you a matching one that you always wear, too.

“Yeah, if you’re not too busy,” he says. “But that’s not it.”

He says it exactly as he rehearsed, telling her how happy you make him and asking if she’s okay with you being his girlfriend. When she grins up at him and asks if that means that you can move in with them, he chuckles, tears pricking his eyes.

Zach always felt like he needed to make up for the love Ella’s mother wasn’t giving her. Now, there’s nothing to make up for, nothing missing. He wishes the circumstances had been different, but he knows he’s lucky that he met you.

He was sure soon after he got to know you that his daughter would grow to love you. Deep down, he was sure that he would grow to love you, too.

────୨ৎ────

It’s past nine p.m. when Zach gets home from training. Now that he’s in the midst of playoffs again, he doesn’t get as much time at home anymore, but he takes it in stride.

When he can’t find you on the main floor, he tiptoes upstairs in case you’ve fallen asleep putting Ella to bed. Sure enough, she’s snuggled up next to you, both of you snoozing.

It’s been a month since he told her about your relationship and somehow, she’s grown to love you even more now that she knows you love her dad. Zach wonders if Ella can see how much happier he is these days. He tried to hide how empty he felt before, but maybe she caught on.

He’d rather not know. He’s rather not think about the past at all, really. Because right now, as he gazes into his daughter’s bedroom to see you hugging each other in your sleep, he knows he’s looking at his future.

(the end)

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[vettelsvee]

DU BIST WELTMEISTER | Sebastian Vettel

history series main masterlist | requests here!

red bull sebastian vettel x reader, nico rosberg x reader

word count: 6518

summary: while seb wins his first formula 1 world championship, y/n is in trouble after nico rosberg's actions. however, seb will try, no matter what, help the broken girl he finally can say out loud he loves more than anyone

warnings: everything related to gender-based violence (main trigger warning to physical and mental abuse, non consented sex, unprotected sex, mentions to abortion) from nico to y/n (reminder that everything you read on my blog is fiction), curse words.

a/n: since seb won his first wdc 14 years ago today, i've thought it would be "nice" posting this history series fic part today! remind you that you can request fics parts from this series on this link :) let me remind you that comments and reblogs are truly appreciated as i'd love to know your thoughts! thank you so much <3

© VETTELSVEE (2024). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!

2010 Abu Dhabi Abu Dhabi Grand Prix

Redemption

You weren’t not sure if it was just your perception, but the circuit felt much more lively than usual. It was clear that it wasn’t just the last race of the season, but the competition was much tighter than expected at the beginning of the year.  

Fernando, Lewis, Mark and Sebastian were all betting everything on this one race, and while you would be overjoyed for whoever won, your heart wished with all its might that the German would be the one to do it.  

You passed my accreditation through the reader at the paddock entrance after Nico, who was ahead of you, did the same.  

Both the press and the fans started to approach you, but mostly him. The fact that you weren’t walking together, hand in hand, as the German had gotten used to doing since you confirmed your relationship, said a lot about how things were going. While he couldn’t stop receiving compliments, well wishes for the race just hours away, and even questions about next season, all you heard were comments about what you were doing to stay there, in that part of the motorsport world, and some personal questions and insults that you had internalized so much that you had started to believe they were true.  

Whore. Slut. Useless.  

Maybe you understood why your boyfriend was saying those things: he knew you, and he knew how you were. However, you couldn’t understand why complete strangers behaved that way. You guessed it was because Nico had spoken publicly about it, and they hadn’t given you the chance to tell your side of the story.  

You were a woman in a man’s world. You weren't just a pretty face, and you had learned the hard way that if you wanted to achieve something here, in Formula 1, you had to work much harder, and all of it just because you had a different body.  

It was crazy, although you trusted that one day there would be equality for everyone.  

As you made our way through the paddock towards the pit lane, his silence became an impenetrable wall. Not even when he went to the Mercedes garage, you said goodbye and wished him good luck, did the silence answer for him.  

You tried to shake off the intrusive thoughts that had started to eat away at your mind. Instead, you just lifted your head and greeted everyone you saw, regardless of whether you had ever spoken before or not.  

Drivers, engineers, mechanics and even journalists were met with a positive energy from you that even surprised yourself. You knew that your eyes were conveying, or at least trying to convey, happiness, when the reality was quite the opposite.  

You guessed it was something normal for someone used to pretending everything was fine when it really wasn’t.  

When you arrived at the RedBull box, the commotion gave me clues that you had arrived later than expected. The mechanics were working on Webber and Vettel’s cars to get them ready; the engineers were scattered around the space, and some, like Rocky, were already on the pit lane wall.  

Quickly, you headed to the table where you usually sat and saw Hanna and Norbert, Sebastian’s father, chatting animatedly a few meters away from it. Timidly, you greeted them, and although it seemed like both of them wanted to stop and talk with you, you had to apologize: Marko was already standing there with his arms crossed next to Horner, and you couldn’t predict anything good.  

“Sorry, I had some issues with the suit and had to sew it,” you lied, knowing that Rosberg and his good luck sex was what had delayed your arrival.  

Without saying anything more, the team advisor stepped back. You breathed a sigh of relief, glad he didn’t press further, and sat down in the available spot to the left of Rocky.  

“Finally it’s the last race of this hell of a season,” you began, startling the Frenchman.  

As he kept reviewing some data on the screen, you approached and gave him a small hug. He was an engineer you not only admired as a professional, but also as a person. If it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn as much as you had in the past two years, and you would be eternally grateful to him for that.  

“Damn, Y/N, you scared me,” he exhaled, taking off his headphones. He looked up at you and smiled. “How are you?”  

He must be referring to Nico, you thought, and it was normal. The news had spread fast, and it was just a matter of time before everyone knew that, just a few weeks ago, our team golden boy had gotten into a physical altercation with the golden boy of the German team.  

The blame was immediately placed on Seb because the media didn’t know the full story, and it wasn’t necessary for them to. That night you had to book a single hotel room for the first time to avoid running into Nico. You spent the night tending to Vettel’s wounds with a first aid kit that Britta had bought while you were telling them both that you didn’t know anything about the rumor of my possible move to Mercedes until they both left to have a chat with the FIA stewards.  

There were consequences, of course, but the criticisms were worse. It wasn’t just Sebastian who was affected, but also you. The only thing that comforted you, as selfish as it sounded, was that your reputation wasn’t the only one going to shit.  

“I’m good, great!” you finally said. “A bit excited for today’s race, and also worried to be honest.”  

“We’ll do everything we can to make sure Seb takes the championship home today, I promise you.”  

You nodded, even though you truly doubted he would achieve that. Everything was so tight, and a Formula 1 race could sometimes be so uncertain…

“Do you think he can do it?” you asked, showing a kind of insecurity you didn’t expect.  

“If he listens to us and sticks to what we say, yes, there might be a chance,” Rocquelin answered. “I have a lot of faith in him, just like I do in you. I’ve never told you this, but you two are my favorite guys,” he revealed with what I could tell was embarrassment. “And, whether you believe it or not, you’re worth much more, a lot more, than everything they say out there.”  

You couldn’t see it, but you knew a special gleam of emotion had appeared in your eyes.  

“You complement each other much better than we initially thought,” he continued, pointing to the whole team. “You’re... different. Don’t ask me why because I don’t have an explanation except that you have an incredible relationship. Trust me, sometimes you’re not even aware of it.”  

You didn’t say anything else because you felt there was no need. After exchanging a smile with each other, you got back to work in such a way that the sense of time was lost amidst possible pit stops, weather forecast, and an attempt to develop strategies that Ferrari and McLaren, especially, could make.  

“Hi, guys.”  

A female voice sounded behind you. You turned around instinctively and saw Hanna, her hands resting on your backs.  

She must have come to ask something about Seb or ask for your help with something related to him.  

“Rocky, hey, I don’t want to bother, but…” she started… with doubt? “Would you mind if I stole Y/N for a few minutes? I swear, it’s going to be quick, but if not…”  

“No, no problem!” the man shook his head. “We’ve almost finished getting everything ready for your guy to win today. No problem, seriously.”  

Your guy. 

A feeling of disappointment began to fill you, butyouI knew, when Prater’s eyes saddened, that you weren't the only one who felt that bad.  

The German and you talked about Nico as we took a route that was unfamiliar to you and, then, she asked if everything was okay. Surprisingly, you exposed yourself more than you would have thought and told her a little bit about everything. You didn’t have to say much to her. Tears in her eyes started forming while she started holding you tightly in front of Sebastian’s driver’s room door and started apologizing for everything she had done to you and, especially, how much she had judged you. 

Obviously, you never expected that to be happening.  

“How did you manage to endure all that, Y/N?”  

“I don’t know,” you revealed, completely honest, though the deepest part of you screamed that it was the love you thought you deserved. “I guess it’s karma paying me back for getting involved in your relationship with Seb...” You hurried to correct myself. “I mean… I never did, really, I didn’t know you two were together, and…”  

“I know,” she interrupted you. Her eyes reflected a spark of understanding, something that calmed you. “It’s not your fault that my... boyfriend is an idiot. I would have done the same if I had been in your shoes, really.”  

Why did her answer surprise you?  

“In fact,” she continued, “I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.”  

“Why? You don’t owe me any apology.”  

“Yes, I do! Don’t be ridiculous!” she let out a sigh through her lips after the shout, and you could feel she was relieved. “You know as much as I do that I’ve treated you really badly, and more than once. I wasn’t fair to you, especially considering I didn’t even know the situation, and even more so when you started dating Nico,” she commented. “Did I get angry when Seb got drunk in Germany and I saw him kissing you? Of course I did, but when he explained everything to me... I understood.”  

Her words were leaving you bewildered and, above all, making it impossible to articulate your own.  

“When I realized that sometimes it’s the heart that tells us how to act, and that we don’t choose who to fall in love with, that’s when I understood everything,” she continued calmly. “Let me tell you something: I’ve known Seb since we were kids, and the way his whole being lights up, not just his eyes, when he sees you, was something I’ve never seen in him, not even with me.”  

A pain began to settle in your chest the moment you noticed the hurt with which she was saying all that.  

“Really, Hanna, you don’t have to apologize.”  

“You don’t have to do it,” she began to say, pretending to ignore your question, “but... do you think we could ever be... you know... friends?”  

You knew she regretted it, and all it took was looking at her to know she wanted what was best for both of you. You wish you could tell her yes… However, you knew you had to leave many things behind, both of you.  

“Sure, but not now,” you whispered. You saw how she lowered her head, and you felt completely bad. “I think I need to sort a lot of things out in my life before we become an unstoppable duo. But when we do, I promise we’ll be the best.”  

The blonde moved towards the door and, with one hand on the doorknob, turned around and gave you one last smile before leaving.  

“Trust me, Y/N: Seb loves you, and I mean it. You two will be an unstoppable duo when you two stop being so stubborn.”

Appreciation

“Okay, Seb, good job,” Seb heard you say on the other side of the radio. “I need you to wait until everyone crosses the line.”  

While he kept as focused as if the race hadn’t just ended, he started to get more nervous than he’d ever been.  

His hands were shaking on the steering wheel, and that seemed to be noticeable in the car's movement.  

“I need you to wait…” Rocky now spoke, probably as he watched the others go by, “but it’s looking good.”  

“You just wait, sunshine, you just wait...”  

Somehow, you calling him sunshine calmed him more than he’d like to admit.  

“Hamilton, P2,” Rocky began to say, making Seb’s anxiety grow, “Button, P3. There are two more cars coming on turns 15 and 16,” he informed the driver. “Hold on, we just need those two cars, man. Just those two. I think you’re going to like this.”  

And with that last comment, Sebastian Vettel began to get emotional, even though he wasn’t sure about anything.  

“Rosberg, P4.” Seb sighed in relief. The only thing he was glad about was that he wouldn’t be sharing the podium with him today. “Kubica... Kubica P5.”  

“Du bist weltmeister!” I heard my favourite girl scream with that Austrian-German accent he had grown so accustomed to.  

Tears began streaming from his eyes without warning, racing down his cheeks at an incredible speed.  

It couldn’t be real. Had he really won the championship?  

This had to be impossible. He was probably dreaming, though the shouting he heard over the radio, especially from Y/N, yelling at Britta to go with her, was making him realize that no, everything he was experiencing right now was a dream come true after years of hard work.  

“Thank you, guys!” he shouted into the radio, unable to contain his sobs. “Unbelievable. Unbelievable! Thank you, I love you all.”  

Then, Seb hoped Y/N had heard it because he mostly said it for her.  

“I need a moment.”  

“Sebastian Vettel, you are the world champion! World champion!” Christian shouted, giving him no chance to calm down. “Well done, enjoy it! You’re the man!”  

Without even thinking about it, Seb started screaming with joy, oblivious to how surreal that was. He kept thanking everyone because this wasn’t just his work, it was the team's. He couldn’t believe it; nothing that was happening felt real, though as he got closer to parc fermé, it started to feel more so.  

He didn’t deserve this.  

“I think this is the first time I’ll be crying,” he joked to lighten the moment. “Thank you.”  

Right now, there was a lump in his throat that couldn’t be undone.  

“Let’s not forget you’re the youngest world champion in Formula 1 history,” Rocky announced, somehow making him feel even prouder. “You’re more than allowed to cry, you’re allowed to cry.”  

“You guys kept believing in me, and I kept believing in you.”  

As soon as he parked the car in front of the sign with the number 1 and turned off the engine, a mix of voices and cheers chanting his name filled the air.  

Vettel tried to remove the steering wheel to get out, and then put it back as calmly as possible. He climbed on top of the car and raised his arms in the air, victorious over what had just happened, while he started looking for familiar faces among the crowd.  

He got down and saw his father, whose face radiated indescribable pride. Seb knew he had seen him because he started clapping, raising his arms in the air, and his smile grew even more. They were saying everything with just a look, and the driver knew that maybe he was happier than he was at that moment because all his sacrifice had paid off.  

Seb started crying even more when he realized he had been the first pillar, the most fundamental one, of why he was here today, where he was now.  

He wanted to go see him, to thank him for everything he had helped and supported him with all these years, but they rushed us so quickly to the cooldown room that he barely had time to even take off his helmet.  

He was confused, and he didn’t even know what to do. His climb to the podium reflected that. The moment the first notes of the German national anthem started, he raised his head, and an indescribable feeling started to overwhelm him. He couldn’t stay still, no matter how much he wanted to. He started touching his hair, grabbing it between his hands, biting his lower lip to prevent more tears from falling.  

His eyes landed on you when the German anthem stopped, giving way to Austria’s, your country. You were standing next to Britta, with Hanna on the other side, both of you resting your heads on his PR’s shoulders, holding hands. More than surprised, Seb felt relief at that moment. Seeing you together, being part of such an important moment for him, sparked an explosion of emotions.

His past and his present, and hopefully his future, had reconciled and made peace, apparently. Hanna Prater understood Sebastian Vettel more than he ever thought she could when he revealed that he no longer felt what a boyfriend should feel for her and that now it was Y/N Y/L/N, you, who held those feelings.  

After celebrating with champagne, getting soaked in it by Jenson and Lewis, and even by Helmut, Sebastian went straight to the post-podium interview they always had to endure after a race. For the first time, it flew by, tolerating a press conference after a race. When Britta wrapped her arms around him as they left that room, a feeling of calmness settled in his body. 

As we walked through the paddock, Seb spotted you in the distance, talking with his dad and a few interviewers.  

Despite being several meters away, the conversation was perfectly audible. Seb noticed you were acting as a translator between his dad and the interviewers since he knew some English but not enough to speak comfortably. You, on the other hand, were the opposite: you were radiating confidence. Seeing you there, with no trace of shyness, managing the conversations smoothly and switching from English to German in no time, made him feel more than proud of you.  

“How does it feel to see your son win, Norbert?” Seb heard Coulthard ask his dad. Britta moved closer to him, likely just as interested as the driver was in what they were saying.  

You translated the question, and Norbert, after thanking you, answered in your native language:  

“I don’t have words to describe how I feel. Sebastian has been working so hard since he was a kid,” he said, his eyes sparkling. “The happiest day of my life was the day my children were born; this is the second.”  

Seb noticed how you tensed up, possibly moved by his father’s words. You kept your composure in an incredibly professional manner, and after exchanging a few more words with the interviewers, they left.  

“Fabian told me to say hi to you,” Seb heard his dad say to you as he approached them.  

“Really? He still remembers me? How is he?”  

Seb stood next to his father, facing you, who seemed really happy to see him.  

“He’s great, but he’s hooked on one of those singing shows and has become obsessed with a group now! He wants to be a singer now, you know?” Norbert continued. “He’s crazy.”  

“Norbert, if I made it here, Fabian can do anything.”  

If there was one thing you had taught Seb, it was to never give up. You had one more year left of your degree, and neither of you knew what would happen once you finished your internship. The only thing Seb was absolutely sure of, no matter what, was that you were going to stay in Formula 1, hopefully, with him.  

“When Fabian becomes famous I’ll retire, how about that?”  

“Shut up!” Britta scolded, smacking Seb’s arm after his comment. “You just won a championship, and you’re already thinking about retiring?”  

The recent world champion shrugged, nodding. His dad’s laughter, joined by yours, blended with Roeske’s huffing, making him laugh, too.  

At that moment, Britta pulled out a camera she had tucked in her pocket.  

“Come on, guys! Seb, stand next to Y/N and hold that flag over there,” Roeske directed them. “Yes, yes, you look great. Now… smile!”  

She started giving you both instructions on how you should pose. At first, the idea embarrassed you because it was the first photo you were taking together, and you didn’t know how to do it.  

Seb took the first step. He grabbed the German flag and draped it behind him, spreading his arms to keep it open while telling you to lean on his chest, not to be embarrassed. You reluctantly agreed, though your comfort was obvious once you did it. Britta took several photos of you both in that position, and soon Seb had his arms wrapped around you, hugging you from behind. He started tickling you, and it didn’t take long for you to laugh.  

Britta captured all of it. They were photos that were too intimate… too real, and Seb knew Roeske wouldn’t publish them anywhere.  

He could even swear she had other reason behind all of that.  

“You guys look great,” Britta said while reviewing all the photos she had taken. Sbe joined her, and he could confirm they truly were wonderful. It was as if everything was perfect. You even looked like a couple.  

Suddenly, you, still in front of Seb, turned pale. You quickly began adjusting your clothes, moving nervously as if you didn’t know what to do.  

“Y/N, are you okay?” Seb ran over to you. “Do you need anything?”  

“I… I have to go,” you revealed as you started to run. “I loved being with you all, but…”  

Seb wanted to say something else, to make sure you would be okay with whoever you were leaving with, and even beg you not to go, but your departure was so quick that you left Norber with words unspoken, Britta shaking her head and praying for you, and Seb, your dearest Seb, without enough time to tell you that he loved you. 

Leave

Fear paralyzed you when you saw Nico in the distance, but not as much as you expected. You managed to say goodbye to Seb, Britta, and Norbert, but you didn’t want to. You wanted to tell the newly crowned world champion that what you needed was for him to punch, for the third time, your boyfriend, but you held back because you didn’t want to ruin his night.

You walked towards the Mercedes driver with a heavy feeling in your chest, aware of the tension that would exist between you because of what he had just witnessed. His crossed arms and intense gaze, flashing anger and aggression, were not a good sign, and you began to fear the worst.

You tried to stay calm, though inside, you felt a whirlwind of emotions. All you wanted in those moments was for whatever he would do to you to be over quickly, and that finally, you would have the courage to leave him. 

You refused to let next season be the same as this one.

"Congratulations on the race, you did great."  

You tried to give him a hug and a kiss, as you were used to doing. All you received was silence and him starting to walk, indirectly indicating that you should follow him.  

Those words made it clear he didn’t want any kind of discussion; at least, not in public.

You limited yourself  to walk behind him because he wouldn’t let you walk beside him. In part, you were grateful, as your thoughts barely let you think clearly, and they started to pile up because you were stubbornly trying to guess his intentions.  

"Did I do something wrong, Nico?" you tried to break the silence with fear. "Seriously, can we talk? I’m worried," you admitted.  

Again, he ignored you, not even gesturing in response.

Each step you took filled you with more worry, which reached its peak when, surprisingly, he let you go into his driver's room first.

Without saying anything, you stood there. Nico, however, began undressing quickly. He unzipped his racing suit, standing there in just his underwear and fireproof undershirt, though he didn’t keep them on for long.

His movements were mechanical, as if he had planned it all point by point, until he was entirely undressed. You felt very uncomfortable, and if he hadn’t locked the door, you would have run, unlike what happened in Monaco when you not only had sex with him for the first time, but lost your virginity.

He started coming towards you and undid your ponytail; then, he looked at you, signaling that he was going to pull down my skirt, and though you didn’t want him to, you ended up nothing so he’d go through with it and get it over with once and for all. He ended up yanking the skirt down without unbuttoning it, and so quickly that you barely had time to react. You didn’t resist when he started unbuttoning your shirt, and all you did was force yourself to relax to avoid the pain take over you

"On your knees, now."  

"I don’t want to do this," I told him, tears in my eyes. "Nico… I don’t feel like doing this… Maybe we can have dinner and then we can…"  

You didn’t get a chance to say anything else. The inevitable became reality once again.

As his speed and abuse increased, your disgust and pain, both physical and mental, did too. You tried to think that all of this had a reason; that somehow, which you still didn’t understand, it would turn into something that would help you achieve what you had dreamed of: a place in this sport.

Everything stopped when you felt the blue-eyed man pull out of me suddenly.  

"This can't be happening, no… This can’t be…"  

As soon as you turned, he didn’t need to say anything else.

His penis, without any condom, was covered in semen.  

You started to panic at that moment.  

"I have to go," the German declared as he began to get dressed.

Confusion began to overwhelm you. You were so in shock that you couldn’t process what had just happened, though you were fully aware of it.  

"What… what just happened?" was all you could manage to say. "What are you doing, Nico?"

You tried, in your mumbling, to cling to a logical explanation from him, despite it being more than obvious what he was doing. Your eyes tried to find a clear and concise answer, in both his movements and the words he didn’t say, absorbed in his rush to leave.  

"Nico, please… tell me what I did wrong," you begged, breaking down in tears.  

"If you come to tell me anything in nine months, with a kid, know that I’ll deny everything. Do whatever you want with… that, but don’t count on me for anything."  

He finished putting on his racing gear again and, at this point, you didn’t know what to say because you felt incredibly humiliated.  

His words kept echoing in your mind, and the fact that he had finished inside you without warning hit you in ways you never wanted.  

You started wondering if you could become a mother… If you could be pregnant…  

That couldn’t be true; or, at least, it wasn’t something you wanted to believe. You couldn’t be a mother, not now. You didn’t have the mental or financial stability to take care of a child.

You wouldn’t be a good mother, no matter how much you desired to be one. You weren't ready for it, and this was what made me think that, perhaps, you would never be ready.

You felt a lump in your throat when you saw Rosberg walk towards the door, unlock it, and open it, although he quickly shut it again only to turn towards you once more:  

"When I go back with Valentina, I don’t want to see you here again, or in my room," he began to say. You could only cover yourself with your hands, awkwardly. "Someone from my team will contact you so you can collect your things and get out of my life once and for all. Also, remember the contract."

“Nico…” 

“Leave.”

With that final sentence, leaving you more broken, used, and discarded than anyone had ever done, and that you hoped anyone ever would, you could finally say that Nico Rosberg was gone from your life.

But at what cost?

Acceptance

"Finally we can focus on next season! God, I've been looking forward to it. Let’s hope it’s not as close as this one."

“Things are tough, Marko, but I trust Sebastian.”

Christian gave their golden boy a slap on his shoulder that hurt more than he expected. Maybe because Seb wasn't ready for it, or because seeing you running by, a bit confused and trying to go unnoticed, had thrown him off balance.

The German tried not to let it bother him and to focus on the words his dad was now sharing with the advisor and team boss. You were probably looking for Rosberg to go to the party, which Seb definitely wanted to avoid but wasn’t sure how to.

It was impossible, though. His eyes followed you, who were starting to disappear from his line of sight with your hurried steps.

Seb began to worry, though the important thing now was to be where he needed to be.

“Seb, go with her.”

Hanna's voice, barely noticeable in a whisper, pulled Seb out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“Go with her,” she said, pointing to the path you had taken. “She needs you much more than we do here.”

“But…”

“Go, silly. Tell me how she’s doing later, okay?” she insisted.

Seb nodded, grateful, because with those words he finally felt free.

Then the Red Bull driver said goodbye, and as soon as he did, he ran out. Seb was exhausted, and the shower he had just taken would do little good. His feet were burning, but that wouldn’t stop him from making sure the girl he loved was okay.

The distance between you both grew shorter with each step, and his calls grew less urgent as he saw you appear again.

“Wait, Y/N!”

Either you didn’t hear him, or you didn’t want to. Anxiety gripped Seb, and he quickened his pace.

“Y/N, please, stop!” He insisted, reminded of the time he did this exact same thing a year ago, the day you found out he had a girlfriend.

He caught up to you, and all you did when you saw him was hug him tightly, as if you needed refuge and Seb could give it to you.

Seb didn’t say anything else until you spoke first. He hoped that, if you didn’t, at least you’d give him some sign of what might have happened.

“Take me to the nearest pharmacy, please…”

Anxiety took over you, and fear over Seb. He wasted no time and, without saying much more, put a hand on your back and began guiding you to where his rented car was. When you arrived, he helped you get in gently, and without saying a word, he tried to find the nearest one as quickly as possible, finally reaching it half an hour later.

Seb parked at the door and saw that you didn’t dare get out.

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“No,” you replied sharply, and hurried out of the car.

Seb sat in the car, turning everything over in his mind. It was restless and worried, his gaze fixed on the pharmacy sign that lit up much of the street you were on. He was also staring at the door, counting the minutes until you came out.

Seb started wondering why you’d wanted to go to a pharmacy this late at night and, above all, why you seemed so distressed. It wasn’t hard to guess that Rosberg had probably caused all that, but not knowing the real reason behind it was making Vettel feel awful.

He was sure there was something you hadn’t told him, and he hoped you would trust him enough to share it.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the pharmacy's automatic doors opened, letting you out. Your face looked tired, full of disappointment, and that only heightened Seb’s worry.

“Are you okay?” Seb asked, trying not to sound worried, and slightly surprised since he didn’t see anything in your hands.

You nodded reluctantly, but your gaze was different, as if something was starting to deeply disturb you.

“Yes, thanks for waiting,” was all you said.

Seb was about to speak again, but you beat me to it.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” you asked in a barely audible whisper, then shook your head slightly, as if regretting your question. “Forget it, I don’t know why I even asked if…”

“Of course, Y/N,” he interrupted you. “You don’t even have to ask.”

You didn’t need to say anything else. Seb turned on the car engine again and headed toward the hotel, its sound being the only noise breaking the silence. Tonight there was no music; no performance from you singing along to any song on the radio.

Seb allowed himself to glance at you from the corner of his eye, searching for any sign of what might be going through your mind. Your gaze was distant, making your expression a completely unsolvable mystery.

Neither of you spoke, and Seb didn’t push you to. Nor did he say anything when you arrived at his room, letting you walk in ahead of him, not caring about any curious looks you might have gotten.

Seb closed the door as he entered, turning towards you with a clear intention to break the ice with a question that, though silly, was something he’d wanted to ask you all season:

“Do you feel like ordering something from McDonald's?”

You looked up at him and, for the first time, your eyes reflected something other than sadness. 

“Why are you asking?”

“I've been craving a Big Mac since the season started,” he replied, smiling. “Eddie hasn’t let me have a single cheat day, and I think I deserve one tonight.”

Your lips formed a faint smile, barely visible, but enough for him to calm a bit.

“Alright, but I'm paying,” you said, digging into your pockets.

“No way am I letting you pay, Y/N,” he refused, laughing at your insistence. “As long as you spend time with me, I won't let you pay for anything.”

“Oh, really? You're not going to let me be the independent woman I deserve to be?”

Seb hated how stubborn you were, but he loved it at the same time. You finally convinced him to let you pay after much insistence, but he wouldn’t let you open the door for the delivery guy. A large Big Mac meal with deluxe fries and a Coke Zero, and a Happy Meal with a Little Pet Shop theme, a plain cheeseburger since you hated pickles, and regular fries, along with two ice creams that we put in the minibar, covered the bed. You barely had time to start eating; at least Seb didn’t as he watched you fiddle with your burger, distracted.

“What's wrong, Y/N?” he asked softly, taking a sip of my drink.

“Nico… he…” you began, your voice trembling.

Seb felt a knot in his stomach, and a chill ran down his spine.

“What did he do, Y/N?”

You took a deep breath, summoning strength from somewhere to find the right words.

“Nico… finished inside me…”

That’s why you wanted to go to the pharmacy, Seb started thinking. That’s why your cheeks were flushed. That’s why you were so confused, not knowing where to go. 

That’s why you seemed to want to disappear.

“He told me that if I got pregnant, he didn’t want anything to do with the baby,” you confessed in a barely audible whisper. “That’s why I went to the pharmacy, to get the morning after pill or whatever it's called, I think you know…. You don’t know the embarrassment I felt when they told me it was illegal… Seb, I can’t be a mother,” you revealed. “I’m not ready to have a baby, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want me, and…”

You kept opening up, and Seb started to feel uneasy as he imagined you with a baby bump and then nursing a newborn.

He pushed those thoughts away, hoping he hadn’t said them out loud and hating himself for thinking that in a serious situation as this one was.

“When are you going back to Austria?” was all Seb could say. It felt pointless to say he was sorry. To him, showing you his support, letting you know he’d be there for you, was most important.

“I guess when my aunt wires me some money… I flew here on Nico’s jet and don’t have much money left in my bank account...”

“Then come with us tomorrow morning,” Seb told you without a second thought.

“Seb…”

“We’ll figure it out, okay? Or are you going to keep letting Nico treat you like this?”

You looked at him with determination, and Seb knew you’d finally taken a step you’d struggled to make… or more likely you had been forced into, which usually happened when one side in a toxic relationship stops wanting to play with the other.

“No, Seb. I won’t let Nico back into my life, not in any way,” you finally declared, making him feel so proud of you. “I know finding someone who truly loves me will be difficult, but I’ll hold on to hope.”

Seb swallowed hard. He wanted to tell you that he loved her and that he wanted to start a life alongside you, but the rational part of him knew that, for now, a relationship between you were impossible.

Vettel felt a pain in his chest and an uncontrollable urge to cry.

“Don’t worry about that, Y/N. You’re incredible, and I’m sure someone who values you will come along when you least expect it,” was all Seb could say.

After that, it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep, leaving Seb alone with his thoughts. Seeing you so vulnerable, even in your sleep, made him wonder what kind of world you lived in for someone to cause you all the harm Rosberg had. He also thought about how much he’d wanted to kiss you, to show you how much you meant to him, and, in some way, that he regretted not doing it, but tonight wasn’t the ideal moment.

The scene Seb was experiencing felt like déjà vu from the night before his first victory, two years ago. Now things were very different, and there was no doubt that you both were two people who, despite having a lot left to learn, had matured enough to realize something important: that you were deeply in love with each other and loved each other so much that we feared starting something that might hurt the other once again.

[taesansbeloved]

WHY ARE YOU NERVOUS? SHE'LL LOVE ME (희승)

synopsis: heeseung meets your 4 year old daughter for the first time. warnings 🚨 children, angst if you squint, fluff, skinship, petnames, and all that good stuff. Not proofread 👍🏻

(Heeseung)

Nova notes: I kid you not, I had this idea for around two weeks now but was too lazy to write it. Hope you like it though! MWAH!

You were sitting on the couch watching Areum, your 4 year old daughter, play with her toys on the ground. You were bouncing your left leg up and down anxiously, catching Areum's attention.

"Mommy, you're nervous." Areum stated, looking up at you with big doe eyes.

Today was THE day. Heeseung, your boyfriend for 1 year now, was coming to your home to visit your daughter for the first time.

You had Areum in your early collage. It was a stupid one night stand thing. One time, you were heavily drinking at some frat party, and then you found yourself in some guys bed in morning. You didn't think much if it then.. not until you found out you were pregnant two weeks later.

At first, you were trying to find ways to get rid of her. Like how would a 19 year old have a child already, that by itself sounds absolutely bonkers. You thought of abortion, putting her up for adoption, but you couldn't get through with any of these. Before Areum was even born, you felt extremely close with her. You loved her. So much. So you decided to keep her.

You decided, for your safety and for Areum's, to not date again. You had no interest in dating or anything of that kind. You were content with being on your own with your little daughter.

But 3 years later, you met heeseung. He was a random customer sitting in the café you were sitting in, studying furiously and quickly, trying to finish quickly to pick up Areum from her daycare.

Heeseung, who was watching from afar, was intrigued. A girl, adorable looking, with wide black rimmed glasses studying with her brows furrowed really caught his attention.

He walked up to you and sat in the seat opposite with a ridiculously good looking smile.

Your first reaction was, 'holy shit, he's gorgeous', the your reaction was, 'ew, no that's a guy.'

You looked at him from above your glasses with a 'what the f are you doing here look'. And he gave you another stupid smile.

"Hey." He simply said as you looked behind you, wondering if he's crazy.

"What do you want?" That was the first words you uttered to him and he was shocked to say the least.

"Just wanted to say hi." He said, covering up his shock and confusion.

"Well, bye. I have to go I'm in a hurry." You said quickly as you took a quick glance at your watch and realised that Areum was about to finish her day at the daycare. And you quickly gathered your stuff and left Heeseung sat there confused and looked at your rushing figure with eyes of intrigue.

Ever since then, Heeseung went to that café every single day for a chance to meet you again, which he successeded at every single day.

Few interactions here, few interactions there. Heeseung's gentlemanleness and acceptance about you having a daughter had you rethink your thoughts about that dating thing, and gave it a chance.

Now, a year into the relationship, you decided to introduce the two most important people in your life yo eachother.

You were worried for the sole reason of Areum disliking Heeseung, cause if she did that means that he's not the guy.

Now to the present day, you glanced at your beautiful daughter with eyes of adoration. "Yes, I'm just a little nervous today cause we're having a guest over." You said nervously l, watching Areum's reaction carefully.

She smile up at you with a beautiful smile and jumped up happily, "really? Who? Who? Who?" She asked excitedly as your nerves grew, scared of disappointing her.

"A special person that I think you'll love very much." You said picking her up and placing her on your lap.

"Do I know them?" She asked with big eyes that reminded you of Heeseung's.

Before having the chance to answer, there was a knock that can be heard from the other side of the front door.

"Is that them?" Areum asked, jumping down from your lap and ran to the door, waiting for you to open it.

You brushed your sweaty palm down your black sweatpants and got up to open the door.

You took a deep breath and opened the door slowly, revealing your insanely good looking boyfriend.

He was standing there with a bouquet of Lily's, your favourite, and a box full of goods and snacks that Areum really liked. The attention to detail that this man had drove you crazy at times.

"Hello." He said as you came inside, his calm, gentle voice filling the silence.

"Woah." Areum voiced unconsciously as she looked up at Heeseung. "You look like bambi." She continued, staring at Heeseung with and open mouth.

Heeseung's smile spread even more as he looked down at Areum with the most soft smile you've ever seen.

"You must be Areum. Your mom told me a lot about you." He said, crouching down to her height (that was still impossible because he's that tall) you didn't even realise that Heeseung was still not even inside the house so you opened the door further, but heeseung didn't make the move to walk inside.

Areum started shying away and hid herself behind your leg. Heeseung laughed softly as he got up and walked inside the house and closed the door gently behind him.

"Hi, baby." He said, kissing your forehead lightly and wrapped an arm around your waist.

Before you could respond, you heard Areum gasp. "What are you touching my mommy?" She asked with a deep frown, chiding Heeseung.

Heeseung immediately removed his arm from stood away from you. "I'm sorry. Hi, I'm heeseung and..." He glanced at you, asking for help on how to introduce himself as your lover.

"And he's the special someone I told you about." You helped and Areum glanced between you two suspiciously.

"I got you a gift." He said as the three of you walked to the living room. Areum sitting between you two on the couch, to keep distance ofcourse.

He placed the basket of goods, toys, and snacks on her tiny lap, gently holding it to ease the weight from her legs.

Areum looked at the him suspiciously then her eyes lit up at the sight of the content that's in the basket.

"OMG! Mom, look! He got me Monster Munch (it's a British baked corn snack, my fav :>)!" She exclaimed as the shoved the packet of Monster Munch in your face.

You and Heeseung watched as she rummaged deeper through the basket, exclaiming at each and every thing.

While watching your daughter with a fond smile and warm eyes, you felt a gentle hand tapping your shoulder. You looked past Areum and saw Heeseung looking at you with the same warm eyes your giving Areum.

"Do you think she likes me now?" He whispered, brushing a stray piece of your hair behind your ear.

"Oh, she adores you now." You whispered back, leaning into his touch.

While you and Heeseung were sharing your moment, you felt a slight tug at the ends of your shirt. You looked down and was met with Areum's bright eyes.

She gestured for you to bend down and whispered in your ear, "is he my new daddy?" Your eyes widened as Heeseung smiled widely.

"Do you want him to be?" You asked, feeling Heeseung's eyes on the both of you.

"Well, is he bad like my actual daddy?" She asked, voice too innocent to be uttering out those words.

You shook your head quickly as Heeseung got up from the couch and sat on the floor, opposite of her.

"I'm not a bad guy, Areum. I actually came today to ask for your blessing." He said, voice so soft and gentle as you and Areum looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Blessing for what?" You asked.

"Marriage, mommy." Areum answered you as Heeseung chuckled at your daughters smart brain.

You looked at Areum then at Heeseung then at Areum again and asked, "and do you agree?" Areum looked at Heeseung with soft eyes.

"Well, he's handsome, looks like bambi, and he loves you. So yes!" She exclaimed as Heeseung stood up quickly and picked Areum up and spun her around.

"But!" She yelled making Heeseung pause. "I will FULLY accept if you go with me to the father-daughter dance with me." She said, still in Heeseung's arm with her arms crossed.

"I would not want anything more than go to the dance with you, sweetheart." He said, hearts coming out of his eyes.

Areum grinned and hugged his neck tightly.

You can feel tears prickling in your eye sockets, watching the beautiful moment between the most important two people in your life unfold.

"Mommy, join the group hug!" Areum exclaimed as Heeseung pulled you closer by your waist.

"I love you so much, my love." He whispered and kissed your lips gently.

"Ewww, not infront of me!" Areum said, covering her eyes making you and Heeseung crack up.

Do not copy this post. Spam likes = blocked. Spaming and plagiarism are not tolerated. Respectfully follow these rules :)

[validfemale]

hey pretty! i hope this finds you well :)

i’m manifesting my ex back and so far it’s going great! signs are already coming in and it’s only been a few hours! (a twitter astrology bot tweeted out drink more water, sagittarius. which is something he always used to say!!) i already know the law and have manifested things in the past (a trip to the uk!) my only problem i would say is that i feel as if i’m crazy and being “delusional” when i affirm, do methods, or even mention anything to my friends! it totally brings my energy down. just wondering if you have any tips on how to deal with this. have a wonderful day/night 💗

hey gorgeous! 💖 first off, you're totally not crazy or delusional for affirming and manifesting! anyone who really gets the law knows that what you're doing is powerful and valid. ✨ honestly, signs showing up already? that's just proof the universe (or, more accurately, your subconscious) is aligning everything in your favor.

i get it though—sharing with friends can sometimes bring in those doubts, especially if they don't vibe with manifestation. but remember, this is YOUR reality. you’re rewriting your story, and it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. whenever those feelings pop up,

remind yourself:

i am the operant power. reality is just following my lead, no explanations needed. 🐩

try keeping it a little private, like your own magical secret. this way, you're holding onto all that energy and focus for yourself. whenever you feel that self-doubt creeping in, just breathe and say, "everything is unfolding exactly as it should. i am powerful, and my desires are inevitable." you’ve got this, babe. 💅🌸

manifest away and keep me updated on your journey! you’re already doing amazing.

[batsplat]

On the one hand I definitely agree that Marc’s absence doesn’t take anything away from titles won but on the other I would absolutely understand if Joan and Fabio especially (Pecco less, I think… the bike… they all know about Honda beginning to fail, right? At some point ig you could say even a pre-Jerez Marc Marquez wouldn’t have ridden that to a championship and it is in Pecco’s best interest to put that point into 2022) would forever consider their titles borrowed off “luck” because I also think everyone ASSUMING if Jerez didn’t happen, Marc would have won 2020 and likely also 2021 isn’t exactly wrong. He won 3 whole races in 2021 (however he did that), that’s more than anyone else but Pecco and Fabio who finished second and first… as Max said, if is a stupid concept in sport, but the if in question is not a regular “if”, and the whole grid knows it. Hell, we are all aware that had Jerez been simply milder instead of the horror it became, Marc’s achievements would look different at this time… So that’s definitely very interesting to me, that any winning done in Marc’s continued absence from the top seems asterisked by the riders’ own attitudes. That him being on that Ducati this year helps, even a little, to alleviate a bitterness that seemed settled whenever he missed a race. It’s a true win only if you beat Marquez, because Marquez is the one to beat. I wonder if that’s what 2010 felt like to the then-grid, when Vale broke his leg… that winning didn’t even count properly, bc Valentino was not there to make it real.

yeah, listen, if marc had been uninjured in 2020, he would have won the title. I'm not arguing that bit, I'm saying it doesn't matter. marc's injury wasn't some kind of freak accident... it was unfortunate, but it was also unsurprising, and his comeback going wrong even more so. this is what you have to remember about sports but especially motorcycle racing: you are placing heavy demands on your body, and sometimes the excess demands are directly correlated to your success. in this post, there's some quotes from 2019 about how 'lucky' marc is... because he was crashing so so much outside of races to find the limit of the bike - and yet it didn't hurt his results (obviously he was still injured a lot, yearly off-season surgeries and all that). this was part of his approach and it was obviously a very successful one. and in some ways it is also one that was necessitated by the characteristics of that honda, which at this stage only he could tame... but it is true that if a lot of other riders crashed at that rate, they would've been considerably worse off, and it was a part of the process that allowed him to be so successful. and it did already make a lot of people very uneasy at the time, because it felt like eventually it just... had to go wrong. it's also worth noting that... yes, marc's achievements would look different if the injury hadn't been that bad. but the initial injury wasn't 'that bad' relatively speaking - it was his decision to come back that really fucked him over. I strongly believe he shouldn't have been allowed to race, but it was still his decision, and it was part of a tradition of ridiculously fast injury comebacks that had also helped make him so successful in past years (though fwiw this one immediately felt like a bad idea, zero hindsight needed I promise you). so let's put it like this: if you keep putting your body under incredible strain even by motogp standards to reach the level of success you do, and eventually your luck runs out, eventually you land badly on the wrong side of the risk/reward calculation... then how is it fair to say your competitors should be handed asterisks in your absence?

in 2018-19 everybody (including valentino) expected that marc would surpass valentino's titles. few expected him to last at the top of the sport for as long as valentino did. valentino during his prime crashed far far more rarely than marc did and was battering his body considerably less... for marc, there was always the question of how long this could last. he was punishing his body for his particular brand of brilliance, but this always had to be a trade-off. it wouldn't have been surprising if his career had ended through injury, though of course how 2020 played out still ended up being a shock. but!! at the end of the day, even without marc's particularly risky style of racing, you wouldn't need an asterisk. the comparison to 2010 is an interesting one, because you can tell that jorge was at times extremely eager and determined to stress that he wasn't just benefiting from valentino's absence. in the dorna-produced docu for his title, he emphasises that he was already leading the points when valentino broke his leg at the fourth race of the season... which is true, but a) valentino also wasn't leading the championship in the early stages of the two previous years either, and b) valentino was already managing injury. the eruption of that icelandic volcano meant motegi had to be rescheduled, which gave valentino the opportunity to go and get his shoulder injured in a motocross accident (again, for the question of training risk/reward see the post I linked to above). it was this injury that quite probably caused the next one... and troubled him more in late 2010 and early 2011 than the leg did. it also set off the chain of events that allowed jorge to gain ascendancy internally in yamaha, which is part of the reason why valentino decided to go to ducati and essentially took himself out of title contention for... well, two ducati years, and another year where he still wasn't quite up to speed on the yamaha. stop the volcano from erupting and motogp quite plausibly looks very different for the next few years

the question of whether valentino wins the 2010 title without injury is far more open than whether marc would've won 2020, but at worst you have to call it about 50/50 - and even with the troublesome shoulder valentino was getting the better of their actual wheel-to-wheel fights in late 2010. so that title fight too was severely influenced by one rider's bad luck, one that you can't even trace back to a particularly risky riding style... but on the other hand, eventually everyone's luck runs out, and valentino had been relatively lucky for a long time. he was also getting older, which in itself will affect recovery time. this is how athletes' competitive life cycles go, right - yes, you might lose your physical edge, yes, you might struggle to find the same fire, but you have also demanded a lot from your body for a very long time and eventually you pay the price. eventually, every athlete's era has to end... and unfortunately in grand prix motorcycle racing, a lot of the time that era ends with injury. schwantz and rainey were long-time rivals, with rainey winning three consecutive titles at the start of the nineties. in 1993, they were again locked in a title fight - until rainey crashed and was left in a wheelchair, his career ended and the title handed to schwantz. that was schwantz's only title, but he's still considered one of the greats of the sport. doohan and criville were teammates when doohan was dominant, and it took doohan's career-ending injury during the third race of the 1999 season for crivi to finally win the title. kenny roberts jr won the title in the following season in what was a chaotic year not dissimilar to 2020... from the young star who wasn't quite ready to put together a title charge to the underdogs at suzuki eventually claiming the big prize. this is how it goes... what a champion needs on their side as much as anything else is luck. jorge wasn't crashing as much as marc was in 2013, and yet somehow he ended up with the broken collarbone at assen that severely damaged his title chances - because sometimes, it only takes one crash for it all to go wrong. does that mean marc is an undeserving title winner in 2013? of course it doesn't!

in the case of 2020, when it became increasingly clear marc would not be winning this title, it's not like everyone's minds immediately went to mir. the favourites were dovi, fabio, vinales... the thing is, right, it was an absolute mess of a season (that was also of course seriously impacted by the pandemic), but someone had to be the one to take advantage. the suzuki was a well-settled package and mir after a strong rookie season was the one to put in the consistent results to claim the title. he was already highly rated going into motogp, and he was absolutely seen as a potential star of the future. for his sake and his reputation within the sport, of course it would've been preferable to win a more emphatic title... and in some ways, his 2021 on a lagging suzuki is more impressive than the 2020 title. it's an incredible shame how his career has gone since then, mostly not through his own fault, and you still want to hope he'll have the opportunity to dispel a few more doubts - both from the fans and quite possibly himself. then again, hayden won two races in 2006, kenny roberts jr three in 2000... at the end of the day, the main thing new fans know now is that they were champions, and so it will one day be for mir too. moving on to 2021, it's worth remembering that by then the honda was already a bad bike. yes, marc would undoubtedly have been the title favourite - but two of his three wins that year were at his specialist circuits that also still suited the honda, basically the places where he could win with his eyes closed. at the very least, you have to believe 2021 would have had a proper title fight and wouldn't just have been a stroll in the park for marc - yes, quite probably he would have prevailed anyway, but it's really not so cut and dry

THAT BEING SAID. I do agree with much of this ask! it is interesting that it's asterisked in the riders' minds! but it shouldn't be - that's the devil talking, you need to stand up for yourself and ignore all the doubters and get on with it. jorge had enough self confidence and stubborn belief in his own ability that this discourse in 2010 did nothing but piss him off. in 2007, casey was incredibly sick of people talking down his title because of how good the ducati was that year and the tyre difference between him and valentino. yes, casey was on the better package that year, and valentino did clearly benefit from switching tyres in 2008. does that in any way detract from casey's title? no! it doesn't!! he was right to be annoyed - imbalances are part of the game, and casey was very good that year. he deserved that title! valentino also faced the bike merchant allegations in spades of course, but young champions are particularly vulnerable to this kind of discourse. they're less established in the sport, more likely to attract detractors who are determined to prove they can't live up to the legends of the past... after 2006, everybody more or less agreed that it was a bit of a lucky title, but hayden was so popular and people were so pleased for him that it was just treated as a feel-good story - which it wasn't in the same way with surly young casey. no matter! who cares what people think! if your opponent has a bad day, you need to take the opportunity presented to you and press home the advantage. if your opponent has a bad year, even better. no sitting around worrying whether history is going to take your accomplishments seriously... it's like hayden said at assen 2006 when valentino broke his right hand and left ankle. from the oxley reference book: '[valentino] finished the race in eighth, which put him 46 points behind hayden. "when that rossi guy is down, you gotta jump on him!" he grinned'. brutal, but that's the game

also, I'll say it: I reckon both joan and fabio have probably had their fair share of bad luck to compensate by now. enough

[bunnyboy-juice]

honestly. being able to be honest with my loved ones about when i am Mentally Unwell but also Dont Want To Talk About It has done wonders for my mental health

[hella1975]

my mum: you've always absorbed every feeling around you. you feel everything you feel and everything everyone else feels all at once and i worry that it'll drag you under and convince you that life is meaningless and you cant save anyone and-

me: makes me a good writer tho lol

my mum, eye twitching: i mean yeah but

[capetowncapers]

I’ll have days where I’m like no I’m overthinking the fatigue shit and then I’ll have days where my brain fog is so bad that I can barely process words on a page in front of me and my thoughts feel like they’re moving through a thick soup and I want to cry…. I fucking Need to make myself go to the doctor and get more tests done or something bc it’s annoying but so is trying to function like this.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

god i love being a musician

[dontbenicetome]

Ask game: List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! 😊

1. My Sobriety - if you had asked me 3+ months ago if I would ever be able to stop drinking, I would have told you “no, I plan to die this way,” and that was my mindset for four hard years after my mother passed away. I can very happily say today that I am 3 months and 6 days free from that devil in the bottle! Anything is possible! 🌻

2. My Friends - without whom I would not have taken the first step on my journey to sobriety. Without whom I would not be where I am today. Without whom I would not be the fuller, happier version of me who continues to grow and change every day. I love my friends, and they love me! 🥰

3. My Family - well, half of. My father’s side of the family have been the most supportive and loving people in my life besides the family I have found. 🫂

4. My Cats - I don’t think I need to expound on this one. Fuzzy babies make everything better! 🐈‍⬛🐈

5. Myself - I’m hella smart and funny as fuck even if I rbf my way through most of my days. I’m also the loveyest person you’ll ever meet if you give me the chance. ALL THE GIFTS AND CONSIDERATE BEHAVIOR BE UPON YE! 💖

*BONUS CONTENT*

6. My Job - I know my bosses have my back and I’ve got theirs. I am acknowledged and rewarded for my hard work. Plus my crush works there, so 🤭

[amey-winehouse]

[4theitgirls]

productivity apps for self improvement

pinterest

you know i had to include the ultimate form of social media. pinterest is one of the only truly peaceful social media apps out there and focuses on sharing photos to your themed boards. this app is everything if you’re into making vision boards, moodboards, beauty, productivity, and really anything else. there’s something there for everyone!

finch

this is a wonderful self-care app, in which you take care of a bird while taking care of yourself! this is my new favorite app. i use the free version and it is adorable. the app asks you some questions about your goals and how you feel about self care, and gives you some daily goals based on your answers, but you can delete and add goals of your own. the more you log in and track your goals, the more adventures your bird can go on and the more they grow. i recommend this app to absolutely everyone and i will never shut up about it.

gymshark training

this is a free training app including many different types and styles of workouts. you can search for workouts based on duration, equipment used, the targeted muscle, and so on. you can also add workouts and plans of your own and track your progress.

i am sober

this is my favorite app for if you have something you want to quit. this isn’t just for substances or alcohol, but can also be used for quitting sugar, skin picking, caffeine, fast food, and so many other things. you can track your progress, review your days, make pledges, and connect with others who are struggling with the same thing you are. you are also given motivational quotes and reminders when you log into the app. there is an option for a subscription, but i use the free version and have had no problems with it at all.

study bunny: focus timer

an adorable focus timer where you gain coins with every goal/time you accomplish something with your focus timer and you can spend your coins on cute little accessories for your bunny! the only real issue with this app is that the ads are kind of crazy, and it’s $15 a month to go ad-free.

flora - green focus

this app includes a pomodoro timer and plants a tree in a rural community based on how often you stay focused using the timer on the app. the app does not plant a tree unless you opt for their subscription, which is $2 per year and allows you to plant one tree for 120 hours of focused time. you can also plant a tree every 24 hours with the $10 plan.

focus to-do: focus timer&tasks

this app combines a pomodoro timer with a daily to-do list. the app is free to use, but includes additional features for those with a subscription, which is $3 for every three months or $9 for a lifetime membership.

balance: meditation & sleep

a great app that includes nightly reviews, meditations, and sleep sounds. this app has great reviews, but it’s worth noting that it’s not completely free. it includes a trial, after which is $12 per month, or $70 per year.

insight timer - meditate & sleep

just as it sounds, this is another great app for meditations, ambient sounds for sleep, and progress tracking. there are tons of free things included in the app, but if you want to unlock everything, the premium plan is $10 per month or $60 per year.

structured - daily planner

an app with great reviews intended to help organize your daily tasks into achievable goals and track your progress. the app has basic features for free, but also includes a premium subscription if you want to unlock all the features.

routineflow: guided routines

this app caters to those who have difficulties staying focused and maintaining a set routine by guiding your routine for you and managing your progress. the app gives you one routine for free, but if you want another, you would need to pay for the $30 annual subscription.

how we feel

a wonderful free journaling app developed by therapists and scientists for logging your emotions, talking to other users, and tracking your mood patterns.

gentler streak fitness tracker

if you’re tired of the constant work and grind mentality, this may be the app for you. this app takes a gentler approach to fitness by tracking exercise, giving encouragement, and notifying you if you are overworking yourself. the app itself is free, but certain features require a subscription, which is $8 per month or $50 per year.

glo | yoga and meditation app

glo is a highly rated app for yoga, pilates, and meditation. unlike most of the other apps listed, you can’t really access much on glo for free. to access the full courses, they offer two plans: $30 per month or $245 per year.

waterllama

another adorable app that lets you track your water intake with a cute llama! super motivating and is free for basic features. if you want to unlock all features, the subscription is $7 per year.

mindllama

made by the same people as waterllama, this app allows you to practice and track your meditation and breathwork practice with a cute llama! like waterllama, the app is free, but some features require a subscription, which varies depending on whether you want the premium plan, the anxiety relief plan, or the sleep focused plan.

daily bean - simplest journal

another super cute app that helps you track your days and moods. the app itself is free, but a premium plan is also offered, which is $20 per year.

schmoody: mood & habit tracker

this app aims to help you through depression, anxiety, and/or adhd by helping you track your habits, talk to other users, and give you the resources to get you back on track. the free version includes the “essentials” to support mental health and well-being, but they also offer a premium version, which unlocks more resources and personalized options. the subscription is $15 per month, $60 per year, or $100 for a lifetime membership.

meditation timer - zenitizer

this is a meditation timer that focuses on simplicity and organization while tracking your meditation practice. a free version is available with a limited amount of content, but a premium version is also offered, which is $3 per month, $20 per year, or a $50 one-time payment.

mineral - gratitude journal

this is a free journaling app that is secure in the fact that you have to use face id in order to access your journal. this app is definitely more simple, but effective nonetheless.

focus keeper: productive timer

this app is a popular pomodoro-style timer app. i’ve heard that this app works wonders for many people with adhd. the app is free, but includes additional content and features for those with a subscription.

[hoshigray]

Hellooo, I have a requesttt. Bully!Geto & bully!gojo x reader please!!

𝐚. 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: didn't know how to tackle this, but I think I got it >:3

⊹ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Geto + Gojo x afab/fem! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - modern au! college setting; satosugu + you are juniors - sex in shared space; college dorm - fingering (f! receiving) - breast fondling + nipple play - oral (m! receiving) - facials - clitoral play (pinching and swiping) - Eiffel Tower/spit-roasting position - slight degradation - pet names (baby, crybaby, cutie, good girl, plaything, pretty girl, sweetheart) - unprotected sex (doesn't shoot inside, tho) - mention of tears and drool.

⊹ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.4k

“—Gaaahh!! N-Noo, shtop! No more, no mo—Oooh!”

“Aww, don’t go cryin’ on us yet; let’s see how much this pussy can cum!”

“Satoru, keep playing with their nipples; they keep gripping my fingers like crazy…”

Being bullied seems to be an everyday thing for a wimp like you—especially in the hands of Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto.

What kind of person lets two of the hottest guys in the school bully them? You’re practically nearly a full-ass grown adult; you shouldn’t be letting people push you around like it’s middle school! And yet, you can’t seem to bring yourself to stand for yourself, too meek and reserved to step up the ladder of confrontation, even if it’s from people who’ve tormented you most of your life.

Gojo and Geto have been your bullies for nearly your entire academic life, starting from first grade. To say that your life was hell on Earth was just the surface, coming home in tears and wishing to disappear every single day. The emotional toil was too much to bear, so much so that you did everything in your power to make sure you didn’t end up in the same high school as the two, a task that you’re proud to act on as making friends and getting through the final four years of your primary education became easier to accomplish. 

However, this fulfillment was thrown out the window when you walked on campus grounds and discovered that after two years, your bullies had transferred to the same college as you! Not only in the same place but in the same dorm section and sharing the same class—had the world gone mad?! Just when you have accepted this new chapter in your life to start anew and fresh, these two spin back and the pool of anxiety swallows you back up and pulverizes your heart. There was no way for this situation to be envisaged.

“Ohaaa!! Shtooop, t’ooo fasst!!”  

And now, they have new methods to diminish your dignity.

Against your comfort, you and the two were assigned a spreadsheet to work on and have it done by Thursday, so you three were supposed to be working in the living room of their dorm apartment. Nevertheless, you don’t think lying on the couch with your back to Gojo and Geto between your legs has anything to do with the assignment…

You were squirming, Gojo’s slender hands cupping and fondling your chest, tips of his fingers tweaking your nipples roughly so that you whine helplessly. Legs spread open for your panties and bare cunt to be exposed when you were stripped from your leggings, and Geto toys your private part with his fingers. The sensation of his middle digit inside you was hard to believe, like the howl from curling onto the upper wall of your vagina.

“Uuuwww, ohmyGoooood…!” You throw your head back to the shoulder of the white-haired one whose forefingers circle the buds of your mounds. “W-We can’t be—hic—doing this…”

“Ehhh, c’mon, baby,” hearing Gojo talk to your ear so close has to be something out of a dream or nightmare. “Who says we can’t play with our favorite person, huh?”

You gulp at the lick of your earlobe. “Because…we have work to d—Aaahh!”

“Don’t think about that assignment when I’m busy shoving my fingers in you,” Geto reminds you, the pace of his digit increasing and the scrape of his fingertip having your toes curl. “Doesn’t the pretty girl wanna play us like old times?”

A hand grabs his wrist, yet that does little to hinder the raven-haired one’s diligence within your leaking chasm. “B-But…We can’t!” Jesus, it’s tough to think adequately the more Geto pushes and pulls his finger, brushing it up against your texture. Tears welled up in your eyes, your body sore from their constant touches.

“God, still cryin’ from being teased, huh, crybaby?” Gojo chuckles while cupping your cheeks. “Still a cutie, though…”

No way, there’s absolutely no way! You had to be dreaming because there is no way you’re awake to see the day Gojo is kissing you! Biting your bottom lip and shoving his tongue inside, your brain practically explodes as you moan in his mouth, and your slit contracts the rub of Geto’s finger. Did you just cum from a kiss?!

“Oh wow, they’re spasming like crazy,” Geto chortles at the sight of your legs trembling and your genitalia fluttering around the digit. “Cumming from a kiss, huh? Heh, so easy to mess with.”

Your response was deterred to that of imperceptible wails, crying into Gojo’s pillowy lips as he sucked on your tongues to hear you sob more. This was so unfair; this situation was not in your favor once you were dragged into their apartment.

Not even in the next phase of this meet-up.

Your clothes are discarded from your body to the living room floor, mounting on the couch on all fours, Geto to your front and Gojo to your back. The three of you are too far gone to think about the damn assignment—your frame too occupied by their cocks to evade them so.

Soapy lips suck on the dick of the dark-haired other, puffy cheeks making room for the limb burrowing inside your mouth. He fucks you orally with vigor, snapping his hips to your lips as your head pounds with every jab to the back of your throat. You’re not left with a second to breathe calmly, his girth overwhelming.

“Fuuuhhck, Jesus Christ,” he curses, grinding his pelvis and moaning at the feel of your tight throat. “Such a good girl, sucking me so well; got the mouth of a great cumslut.”

“Has the pussy of one, too!”

The words burn your ears, coming from behind as the guy with snowy hair plunges his length into your vagina. His hands are situated on your waist to keep you on him, the curve of his cock scratching your sweet spots too accurately that you’re forced to scream on the other’s shaft.

Gojo throws his head back with a sigh, “Fuckin’ shiiiit, this pussy…clamping on me so hard, you wanna milk me dry?” He bends down to your ear, “Want my load so bad like a little whore?” Squeezing on him was inevitable, making him hiss. “Fuck! Don’t do that…”

“Damn this throat, man,” you peer up to Geto. Your eyes have already released the tears stricken down your face, the lower part of your face all hot from the frequent hits. He chortles, “You look so good all messy like that, sweetheart…Holy shit, you looked so fucked out.” 

Of course you were; they’ve been toying with your body for ten minutes with no rest! Your frame was aching so bad, sobbing because of the cock busying your throat and the dick grazing your G-spot. It was too much to catch up with, especially when Gojo sneaks a hand to your clit to rub and swipe. Your eyes roll to the ceiling, and a scream is muffled, your figure submitting to the pinches on your sensitive pearl.

“Wanna cum?” Silver brows trench together at the clamp of your walls. “Do it, cum on my dick, you nasty crybaby.” 

More tweaks to your clitoris coincide with the erratic pistons of Gojo’s thighs, and you have no choice but to climax once more. Your cunt tightens around his cock with every hit of your orgasm, and he makes sure to get his raw cock out of you to ejaculate his milky fluid onto your back, painting your skin with his load.

The same goes for Geto as well, who grabs your head and roughly pulls himself off to paint your face with his essence. You whimper with every quiver and addition of his sperm, spurting to your forehead and decorating your cheeks to slide down your chin. You never felt so dirty in your life, your tongue accidentally tasting it from licking your lips. “Good girl,” he compliments with a teasing pinch to your cheek.

Gojo rubs his length on the cusp of your butt. “Man, cutie, you keep driving me crazy.” His fingers aimlessly play with your clit. “Now I really can’t leave you alone…”

Dread weighs your bones at his words, and you can only question how you can survive these upcoming semesters with these harassers. And now that they’re hooked on you, this fresh new start has become much more suffocating…

© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 – reblogs and comments are appreciated wholeheartedly ☆ header edit done by me + dividers by @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more.

[fmhobeus]

jjk men and their red flags

a/n: i'm feeling problematic :> tell me what u think (agree/disagree/add more?) this is all for shits n giggles !! non sorcerer au kinda

kento nanami — (over)protective

but like... to the point where it feels like he's treating you like a child! he doesnt like to see you sweat or even work at all for that matter. he loves it when you cook but has bought covers for all the knifes. if he sees a burn on your hand get ready for a 10 minute long lecture. if you accidentally fall he wont let you get up for atleast 3 days to help you ""heal."" it's almost like he doesnt trust you to take care of yourself :') he probably has like 3 separate first-aid kits everywhere.

suguru geto — emotionally unavailable

i feel like this is explainable to his character (sort of.) i dont think that he'd make you feel isolated at all, he's be an amazing listener and probably memorizes every word you say. he listens to you rant and even trauma dump with insane patience. but at some point it feels as though you hardly know him. he's talk to you a lot but very little of it is personal and you hardly know what he's thinking because his ass is not tell you. he also unintentionally distances himself from people from time to time. this applies to you too and you can feel him getting emotionally distant sometimes. it isnt something he does knowingly but it sure ass hell bothers you.

satoru gojo — very clingy and needy

this nigga. he is so utterly clingy. and at first it's perfectly fine, even appreciated by you. you still love him like crazy of course but it is just overwhelming. he is like a child most of the time, he need you around him and is always accompanying you wherever you go, and he expects you to do the same. he also doesn't believe in "me time" because why would you feel better when you're away from him: (? want to hang out with your friends? what do you need them for: (? he's right there. he is also physically incapable of listening but boy is he good at making up.

toji fushiguro — controlling

he is so controlling omfg. it's usually subtle but sometimes he will outright just say no to things he doesnt like, not caring if you like them. it gets to the point where he actually starts to change your personality. he is very caring and that's his justification for this typa stuff. it is usually harmless stuff but he gets paranoid often. he doesnt let you wear miniskirts out if you're not with him. he doesn't let you befriend people he thinks are into you. he barely lets you buy stuff on your own, he usually gifts you whatever it is youre into at that moment. borderline turned on by fear and you being dependent on him.

choso kamo — has no social life outside you

pretty self explanatory. he doesnt have many friends outside you and isn't interesting in making them either. total loser. so taking him out to events, he probably doesnt interact much and chooses to look at you the entire time, which annoys your friends. he answers their questions pretty bluntly. he's never down to have people over and lowkey hates when you are.

hiromi higuruma — workaholic

also self explanatory. he leaves early, comes home late. you barely see him on the weekdays. sometimes he goes as far as ignoring your calls when in between cases. he calls you periodically but has to have an alarm set to remind him. he loves you very very deeply but is just used to working non stop T_T

[multific]

Motherhood

Yautja x Reader

Summary: After you gave birth to your son, it took you some time to get used to having a half-Yautja and half-human. 

You felt sore all over. 

You moved against the fur but your whole body felt sore.

You could hear your mate’s soft breathing, it immediately made you feel at ease.

Yet, something felt out of place.

As you stirred from your sleep, you sat up in your bed and looked around. Everything looked normal, except for one thing.

The little child who used to be under your heart was now in a crib beside you. 

You looked at your mate, sleeping soundly beside you.

He got used to sleeping with you to the point where he didn’t even care anymore if you moved or woke up. 

It wasn’t always like that.

He often woke up with you when he took you into his home, but he got gradually used to you being with him.

You moved over to the crib, leaving the warmth of your bed, you stood up and got your son out of his crib.

It was a little strange to call him your son, after all, he looked nothing like you.

He looked like a pure Yautja, except for his eyes, his eyes were yours.

He wasn’t sleeping when you lifted him out of his crib, instead, he was watching, learning.

You ignored all the pain in your body as you moved out of the bedroom and into what you would call a kitchen.

You got yourself a glass of water as you sat down on one of the chairs. With your child in your arms, you moved him so you could see his face.

He laid in your lap.

“Will you never cry?” But your Baby had no reply. Of course, he didn’t he wasn’t even a day old. You watched him as his eyes wandered from your eyes to your chest and hands. 

You held a finger out to him, which caught his attention and he immediately grabbed it.

He continued to watch your finger as you smiled.

This little moment reminded you that even if he looked like a Yautja, he was still a baby.

Your baby.

This little boy in your lap was not so long ago in your stomach.

It was crazy to think about.

Your house felt a little too quiet, usually you were never up without your mate. So, this felt a little strange. 

You looked at your son.

“How am I supposed to feed you?” You said as you lifted him, trying to see if he was hungry or not. He was, you didn’t know how, but you could tell.

You pulled your nightgown down and you didn’t know how, but he was a natural.

You watched as he fed. 

He truly didn’t feel like your son. You looked after so many Yautja babies when you joined their tribe, this felt almost like one of those moments.

Except for the feeding part. Only a mother can feed their child.

And your son was no exception.

While he was born into a very high place in the hunting tribe, he was still your son. 

A highly anticipated member.

Your Mate was the right had of the tribe leader, a high position with lots of responsibilities.

One of which was to bring a son into the world.

Which you just managed to do.

You had a pregnancy which left your body sore and your mate feared the worst, but thankfully, you were able to give birth without any major issues.

And now, here you were, holding him and feeding him.

Your thumb ran down his little cheek, right next to where his mandibles were.

“You are beautiful.” You smiled and the child just kept looking at you.

Once he finished eating you pulled your gown back and pulled him to your chest, laying him down.

Did Yautja babies even burp?

Guess you will find out soon.

He did burp.

A small little burp.

And soon, he was off again.

You got up from the chair and headed back to the bedroom.

You got in, the fire was still going, but now, your mate was up.

He looked at you then at your son in your arms.

“He was hungry.” You said as you put him back into his crib before climbing back on the furs.

You let out a long yawn before getting under the covers. 

Your mate made a sound before laying back down himself. You lay down closer to him as he pulled you closer.

Maybe it was a difficult thing to give birth to a Yautja baby. Maybe it was difficult being married to one as well.

But you loved them both with all of your heart and that was enough, more than enough.

Taglist: 

@castellandiangelo @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou @mandoloriancookie @il0vebeingdelulu @deliciousfestsalad @groovyqueer @lilliumrorum

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