#things may not continue in strict chronological order from here

[the-darkness-does-not-bargain]

Andraste 1: 1

Okay, here’s the actual beginning of this AU, finally.  It’s a bit of a doozy, but part of that is because the game’s opener is really just that long.  We introduce all the central players here and start to hint at some of the critical details of this story.  I hope you like it!

Even weeks afterward, you can’t say with certainty what happened to you in the Fade.  It’s all a big, green, glowing blur.  

You were laying in your bed, watching water drip from the crack in the ceiling of your cell, when you heard heavy-booted feet running past the bars.  You looked up, but they were already gone.  Thinking that one of the other prisoners might just be trying to escape, you settled back down with a huff.  They were an idiot, whoever they were.  No one had managed to escape Aeonar in the 11 years that you’d been here.  Anyone who tried was butchered by the Templars before they could take a single step outside.

Sure enough, shouts and screams started to echo through the walls, a lot of them.  There were sounds of fighting too, steel clashing and magic flying.  You sat up again, peering out through the bars as best you could.  Maybe someone had started a riot.

You debated crawling out of your bed to go see, but before you could decide, your cell door swung open, and Sir Francis stood in its frame.  Her ugly, wizened face was smirking at you, as per usual.  But what was unusual was the fact that her sword was drawn.  You were no stranger to her beatings, but she never used her sword for that, generally preferring a switch or a whip.  She stared at you like a wolf stares at a rabbit, sending a shudder of fear through you that you could not suppress.

“Sir Francis?  What’s going on?” You asked, much more meekly than you wanted.  You had learned quickly upon your arrival that showing your fear only made things worse, so you hid it behind subtle defiance and jokes that would frustrate rather than excite.  Something about this, however, about the way she looked at you, made you forget any quips or taunts you might have said.

“The reckoning has come, child,” Francis said, sounding far too pleased with herself.  “The Maker is at last bringing His wrath upon your unnatural souls.”  Without another word, she marched up to you, heedless of how you tried to scurry back on your useless legs, and raised her weapon above her head, bringing it down in a deadly thrust.

She stabbed you.  She actually stabbed you through the chest, hard enough to drive her sword through the bed beneath you.  You almost didn’t feel it, you were too shocked.  The pain took several seconds to register, but by that point you couldn’t scream, only cough up blood helplessly as she pulled her blade out again with a sickening, wet sound.

She watched you choke on your own blood, fingers scraping over the gushing wound in your chest, and she smiled, bright and exultant.  “Pray to Him while you can,” she advised, downright fucking gleeful.  “He may yet have some mercy to show you.”  Then she left.  She just walked the fuck out, leaving you there in your bed as the world started to dissolve around you.

You whimpered, trying uselessly to put pressure on the wound, unable to sit up or even roll over to spit out the blood or the tears now streaming down your face.  Someone, anyone please, I don’t want to die…

At first, you thought your prayers would go unanswered, that the Maker, if He was even real, had truly turned His back on you.  But, as you started to lose yourself to the darkness behind your eyelids and the cold spreading from your chest to the tips of your fingers, you felt Her.  Your Friend, the only one who had ever stood by you.  You felt Her hand, incorporeal though it was, close around yours over your wound.  Her warmth enveloped you, pulling you in, keeping you safe as your eyes fell shut.

From here, it starts getting fuzzy, and it doesn’t really become un-fuzzy until you wake up in a freezing cold prison cell with a circle of blades pointed at your throat.

You remember… a green-tinted wasteland, of craggy rocks and dead trees, a landscape distorted and discolored by an eerie, veridian glow.  You remember being able to move (move, child!) and stand (get up!) for the first time in over a decade, and how you immediately had to run (run!!) from a horde of monsters determined to eat you alive or worse.  You remember a figure, gleaming green and gold, reaching out its strange, ethereal hand to you, and you remember the more familiar hand of your Friend gripping you by the forearm and stretching your arm across the last few inches..  But when your fingers touch, the memory ends abruptly, and all is foggy until the door to your new cell creaks open, and the most intimidating woman you’ve ever met stands in front of you.

She introduces herself as Mother Superion, which is an immediate red flag in your book.  That first impression is not helped when she starts interrogating you, hounding you with questions about explosions and Divine Justinia and a Conclave.  She thinks you did something, that you killed people.  She prowls around the room, stopping next to you, and then you feel her bony fingers, far stronger than they look, close around your left wrist and yank it upward.  “Explain this,” she demands coldly, as a burst of green-gold light briefly illuminates the room.

“I can’t!” You shout, turning as best you can to look at Superion as she stalks behind you.  “I don’t even know what that is!  Whatever you think I did, I’m innocent!  I don’t even know where I am!”

The interrogation is put on hold by the arrival of bad news, delivered by a steely woman in steel armor, with a big eye emblazoned on her chest plate.  This woman glares at you with unmasked anger and mistrust, and Superion addresses her as Lilith.  Lilith tells Superion that the “Breach” is “expanding again” and demons are pouring through it faster than before.  “We cannot remain here,” she insists.  “Beatrice and the others will not be able to hold the line much longer.”

“You are right,” Superion concedes, before regarding you with a piercing, quizzical stare.  You wonder what she could possibly see that seems so dangerous.  A teenage girl in chains, dressed in the same bloody, threadbare fatigues you had been wearing in your cell?  No weapon, no staff, not even a trusty rock, you could hardly be considered a threat.  “As for you,” she says, standing in front of you once more.  “We have urgent matters to attend to, and you will be coming with us.”  Her tone and expression demand no argument, which would normally encourage you to argue, but you rein the urge in.  “As to your guilt…” Someone clearly hasn't heard of “innocent until proven guilty”, which is frankly on par for Chantry Templar assholes.  “There will be a trial.  I can promise no more.”  She nods at the soldiers still pointing swords at your neck.  At her silent command, they withdraw, and one of them roughly grabs your bound wrists to unchain them from the floor.

You rub your wrists idly and stand with all the grace of a baby halla.  You haven’t had time to process the fact that your legs suddenly work, and you aren’t given the time now.  Mother Superion is already outside the cell, and a hard poke against your lower back nearly knocks you to the floor again.  “Move!” Lilith snarls, having evidently jammed the pommel of her sword into your spine to force you forward.

It’s even colder outside the cell, where no walls offer protection against the icy winds.  You can’t contain a yelp when your nearly bare feet touch the snow, earning an eye roll from Lilith.  Frowning, Mother Superion summons an idling soldier with the snap of her fingers, ordering him to fetch boots and a small, green gambeson.  These she hands to you, not ungently.

You accept them with what you hope is evident skepticism. “Why are you giving me these?”

This earns you another eye roll.  “Put them on,” the Mother commands.  “It’s a treacherous hike from here to the Breach, and I won’t have you dying of frostbite before your trial can be held.”

“How kind of you,” you snark sourly, even as you clumsily pull on the boots and gambeson.  At least you’ll be warmer now.  “You keep mentioning this Breach thing.  What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about that.”  Superion points her cane toward the sky, and oh… okay yeah, that’s… bad, that’s really bad.  Off in the distance, the sky has been rent open, at a singular, bleeding point above a smoking ruin.  A familiar, eerie green light is pouring from the wound, along with strange falling objects that strike the earth with concussive impact.  The air is alive with thunder and a wailing too unnatural to be the wind.  “We call it the Breach, a massive rift into the world of demons that grows larger with each passing hour.  It is not the only such Rift, just the largest.  There are many, all caused by the explosion at the Conclave.”

“An explosion can do that?”

The Mother inclines her head.  “This one did.  And unless we act, it may grow until it swallows the world.”

As you stare, dumbstruck, you feel your left hand explode in pain.  You scream, falling to your knees on the snow-swept stones, writhing as the same green light of the sky wound emanates from your palm.  After several eternal seconds of agony, feeling like someone is tearing the flesh from your finger bones, the light fades and the feeling passes.  You are left gasping, curled around your left arm, free hand clutching mindlessly at slush.

“Each time the Breach expands, your Mark spreads, and it is killing you.  It may also be the key to helping us stop this.  If you want to see another sunrise, you will help us stop this,” Mother Superion explains coldly, but honestly.

“Shit, fuck,” You curse, still trying to get your breath back to speak coherently.  “You say it may be the key?  To doing what?”

“Closing the Breach,” Superion explains.  “Whether that is possible is something we will discover shortly.”

“And you still think I’m guilty?  You think I would do this to myself?”

“Not intentionally.  Something clearly went wrong.  But if you wish to prove your innocence, this is the only way.”

You stare each other down for several seconds before you give in, knowing she’s right.  “Fine, I’ll go with you.”

“It is your only choice,” the Mother responds before turning and setting off down the path, letting Lilith drag you to your feet.

As a trio, you make your way as best you can towards the ruins underneath the Breach.  Soldiers run in all directions around you, panicked and disorganized.  Some stand shivering behind wooden barricades, eyes fixed forward like their lives depend on it.  One sprints past you in the opposite direction, declaring, “Maker!  It’s the end of the world!”  Other people, civilians by your assessment, mill about nervously, gawking and glaring at you as you pass.

“They have decided your guilt,” Superion says grimly.  “They need it.  All of Haven mourns our Most Holy, Divine Justinia.”

“I don’t give a shit what they need.  I’m not guilty!” You bark, loudly, returning each of their glares with your own.  Lilith shoves your shoulder to keep you marching forward.

The Breach pulses once more during your trek, sending shockwaves of pain through you again, forcing Lilith to drag you to your feet a second time.  “The pulses are coming faster now,” she says to Mother Superion, as if you’re just a sack of flour that had fallen from a wagon.

“The longer we tarry, the more the rifts appear, and the more demons we face.  We must press onward.”

“You guys still haven’t told me what happened.  Or where this place is.  I was in Aeonar, I’ve never been here before in my life,” you insist, trying your best to keep pace with Mother Superion.

The Mother looks uncertain as she considers these words.  “This is Haven, the nearest town to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, where the Conclave was to be held.  They say you stepped out of a Rift, and then fell unconscious.  They say a woman was with you, but no one knows who she was.  Everything farther in the valley was laid waste, including the Temple.”

Well, that answers approximately none of your questions.

The real trouble doesn’t start until you reach the bridge.  What should have been an easy jog from one side to the other is completely undone by one of the meteors expelled by the Breach.  The stone beneath your feet falls away, sending the three of you plummeting into the ravine below, hitting several hard rocks on the way down.

Mother Superion lands with the most grace, although that isn’t saying much, and Lilith softens her fall by performing a roll upon landing, ending in a crouched position on the ice.  You, conversely, land flat on your face, with your forehead split over and your nose dripping blood.  Coughing, you pull yourself up as best you can, grabbing onto a wayward staff that had fallen from the bridge with you.  You lean on the staff to get your bearings, and curse again when you see another meteor crash into the ground in front of you.

Monsters, demons, emerge from the smoke, their snarling mouths shrieking and their talons primed to tear into your flesh.  Lilith charges the nearest one with a roar, driving her sword into its chest while blocking its claws with her shield.  It screams and disappears in a puff of smoke, but another is quick to take its place.  Mother Superion battles her own opponent, pulling a hidden blade from her cane and slashing away with practiced ease and efficiency.  Okay, the two of them seem to have things well in hand.  You are more inclined to take your new staff and find somewhere to hide until they win.  You can barely walk, let alone fight.  Combat magic was forbidden in Aeonar, on pain of execution.

This plan goes out the window the moment a demon gets up in your face.  It bursts from the ground in front of you in a haze of rage, claws already primed to tear you apart.  Combat magic or no, you’re going to have to deal with it.  The demon strikes, and you block with the staff, only to be sent wheeling to the side, and you barely have time to right yourself before it attacks again, scoring a deep slash in your arm.  Fuck.

Your heart pounds with fear as blood leaks down your arm.  Hiding was Plan A, defending was Plan B.  Both have failed, leaving you only with plan C, your worst one yet: offense.

You summon your magic and swiiing! the staff with all your might, managing to hit the demon in the head as it gears up for another swipe.  When the end of the staff connects, there is an explosion of fire, a veritable inferno blowing the demon to smithereens where it stood.  You are left standing gobsmacked, looking between the staff in your grip and the scorched ice where the demon once stood.  Well, maybe you know some combat magic after all.

Lilith and Mother Superion are killing off the rest of the demons while you’re still coming to terms with what you just did.  The pain in your face and arm are fading away, but your attention is stuck on your hands where they clutch the wooden staff.

You look up just as they finish, to find them staring at you with shock and anger.  Lilith stalks toward you, sword still in hand, and points the blade at you.  “Drop the staff!  Now!” She demands.

You gape at her.  “Drop it?  That thing almost killed me and you want me to—”

It’s as if your very blood is set on fire.  Suddenly, every one of your nerve endings is alight with blinding pain.  For the third time in less than an hour, you fall to your knees, screaming.  She’s doing this to you, that bitch.  You remember now, one of the punishments used in Aeonar to discipline prisoners.  The Templars would force them to drink a potion that would leave them convulsing and shrieking on the floor.  It had never been used on you (Francis had always favored more traditional forms of violence), but you’d seen it done enough times.  Somehow, Lilith is doing it to you without a potion, and you now understand how even the scariest prisoners, the ones there for actual crimes, could be reduced to whimpering piss puddles by the end of it.

“Lilith, enough!” Superion calls out.  In an instant, the pain stops, leaving you boneless, wheezing, and dripping sweat onto the ice.  Lilith looks aggrieved at being told to stop, lowering her arm but gripping her sword even more tightly.

“What… the fuck did you do to me?”  You whimper.  “Fucking Templar bitch!”

“Quiet, girl!” Superion hisses at you.  “Get up.  We have to keep moving.”

“Tell that to her!  How does she expect me to get there if I can’t even defend myself?!”

The Mother looks displeased, but she concedes to your point.  “That is true.”  She looks at Lilith.  “We cannot protect her against so many.  She will have to fight for herself.”

“And you’re trusting her not to burn us alive the moment we turn our backs?” Lilith questions hotly.

Superion looks back at you dispassionately.  “Even if she succeeded, she would die from the Mark’s growth within a day.  She knows better than to try.”  She says this with confidence while also staring you down like she thinks you’re still considering it.  Which, sure, maybe you were when Lilith was using her Templar bullshit on you, but the following seconds provide you with renewed clarity of purpose.  She's right.  You really, really don’t want to die (again), so until you figure out how not to do that, you’re going to stick with the people that can slice through demons like soft cheese.

Once you can stand again, the three of you continue on.  You encounter more demons along the way, and you wield your staff with more competence than you’ve ever felt.  You clumsily but effectively fling balls of fire at wraiths and shades, pushing them back when they get too close and even killing a few.

As you draw closer and closer to the Breach, the sounds of combat grow louder.  “Who’s fighting up there?”  You ask Mother Superion as you ascend a set of snow-covered stairs.

“You’ll see soon,” she says.  Vague bitch.  “We must help them.”

Sure enough, the scene you stumble across at the top of the stairs is fucked.  A large group of shades is closing in on a trio of combatants.  Two are mages, to your surprise, an elf man and a human woman, both of whom wield their staves with grace and power you can scarcely dream of having.  The third person is a woman standing off to one side, firing on the demons with some kind of crossbow.  One shade moves to attack her, only to get the heavy butt of the crossbow slammed into its head, followed by a rapid succession of steel bolts through the chest until it vanishes.  Despite their obvious prowess, the demon horde doesn’t let up.  New shades and wraiths crop up almost out of thin air, and above the scene sits an ominous glowing mass of green stone and magic.

Lilith and Mother Superion charge in without hesitation, falling into formation with the other three with practiced efficiency.  You are a second slower on the uptake, but you do participate, joining your fire with the elf’s frost and the woman’s lightning.  The demons don’t quit, and the strange crystal orb above suddenly bursts apart, becoming a hazy cloud of green light.  Even more worrisome, the mark on your hand seems to respond to it, beginning to glow the same color.

In an instant, the elf mage is next to you, gripping your forearm firmly but not roughly.  Up close, you notice that he is bald and has inquisitive gray eyes that seem to look past you to something deep inside.  You suppose he’s handsome in a uniquely elvish way, but it doesn’t do anything for you.  He stares with furrowed brow at the glowing mark before turning and thrusting your hand at the strange green light.

The connection is instantaneous.  As though matching like to like, the energy pouring from your hand extends outward and twines with the magic of the cloud, forming a chaotic, swirling beam like a lightning bolt between them.  It’s unequal.  In fact, whatever power is coming from your hand seems to be too much for the cloud.  You watch as it is overtaken and drawn inwards, contracting until it is forcibly coalesced into a single point, which then expels a final burst of mana before disappearing entirely and taking the demons with it.

The elf releases your forearm, regarding you with a mysterious smile.  “What did you do?” You ask him, looking between his face and your hand, which no longer glows.

“I did nothing,” he says mildly.  “The credit is yours.”

“I did that?” You question, looking up at the now empty air.

“Whatever magic created the Breach also placed that Mark on your hand,” the man elaborates.  “I theorized the Mark might be able to close the Rifts that opened in the Breach’s wake.  And it seems I was correct.”

“Meaning it could also close the Breach itself,” Mother Superion says from behind you, making you jump.

“Possibly,” the man concedes.  He looks at you again, that odd smile unwavering.  “It seems you hold the key to our salvation.”

“Good to know,” a wry voice speaks from your right.  It’s the woman with the crossbow.  She’s pretty too, and serving major badass vibes with her long black coat and shiny crossbow.  Something about her is familiar, but you can’t place what.  “Here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever.”  She struts toward you with casual confidence.  “I’m Mary.  Nice to meet you, kid.”  She doesn’t ask your name or offer a hand to shake, so you’re left a little lost on how to respond.

“Um, that’s… a really nice crossbow,” you stammer, cursing yourself silently for how stupid you sound.

She smirks at you, but her dark eyes are sharp, like they’re sizing you up.  “This old girl?” She says.  “Her and I have been through a lot together.  She’ll be great company in the valley.”

“Absolutely not,” Lilith growls, stepping forward to glare at Mary.  “Your help is appreciated, rogue, but—”

“Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker?” Mary cuts in.  She tsks, shaking her head.  “Your soldiers aren’t in control anymore.  You need me.”

“What we need are trained warriors with competent combat skills,” Lilith denies angrily.

“Baby girl, I have an automatic crossbow,” Mary counters with sanctimonious gentleness.  “When you have an automatic crossbow, you don’t need combat skills.”  Okay, you like her.  You’ve decided it.

“She is right, Lilith,” Mother Superion says, unexpectedly.  “Mary and I have fought many battles together.  She is more than competent, and her help will be invaluable.”  Lilith concedes unhappily, but crosses her arms and glares while Mary keeps on grinning, smug as anything.

“My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions,” the elf says.  “I am pleased to see you still live.”

“What he means is ‘I kept that Mark from killing you while you slept’”, Mary elaborates.

“Not just me,” Solas counters.  “Beatrice also helped a great deal.”  He looks toward the human mage, who has yet to say anything.  You turn to look at her too.

Your first thought is that she’s beautiful.  Holy shit.  Wow.  She might be the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen.  She stands tall but unassuming, dressed in sleek, black combat robes.  Her long black hair is pulled up in a tight bun, her skin is tan, and her cheeks are dusted with freckles.  Her dark eyes watch you calmly, expressing neither mockery nor anger.  There’s a quietness to her presence, a steadiness that makes you want to trust her, something you’ve never felt toward anyone before, let alone someone you’ve just met.

“Solas did most of the work,” she deflects humbly.  “I merely assisted.”  Her accent is Fereldan, which catches you off-guard.  It’s the posh kind of Fereldan that speaks to nobility, but if she never spoke you would have assumed she was Orlesian, maybe from Montsimmard.

You have trouble tearing your eyes away from her, but you do have a pressing matter to address.  “I’m Ava.  You guys seem to know a lot about this thing,” you say to Solas, holding up your left hand.

“Solas is an apostate,” Mother Superion explains.  “He is well-versed in such matters.”

“Technically all mages are apostates now, Mother Superion,” Solas responds matter-of-factly.  Out of the corner of your eye, you see Beatrice shift uncomfortably at these words.  “My travels have allowed me to learn much of the Fade, far beyond the experience of any Circle mage.”  There’s a pompousness to his statement that grates against you, even as he looks apologetically towards Beatrice and adds, “Not to offend or diminish your prowess, Beatrice.”  To Mother Superion, he says, “Speaking of prowess, however, you should know that this magic is like nothing I have ever seen before.  Ava may be a mage,” he says, indicating you.  “But I find it hard to believe that any mage could have such power.”

Mother Superion looks between him and you.  “Understood,” she says, her tone giving nothing away.  “We must proceed to the forward camp.”  She sets off without another word, Lilith and Beatrice falling in line behind her immediately.  Your eyes follow Beatrice shamelessly as she goes.  Solas follows at a slower pace, and Mary brings up the rear with you.

“Come on, kid,” she says, patting your shoulder.  “We’ve got demons to kill.”

The next problem comes in the form of another Rift, positioned outside a sealed wooden gate blocking access to another bridge.  Your little party charges into the fray as before, and you notice certain things about each of them as you fight.  Lilith is like a bull throwing herself against the nearest enemy, but she’s not reckless.  She keeps her guard up and never falters, able to return the harshest blow with one of her own in a dance she performs effortlessly.  Mother Superion moves like a snake, sliding between foes and striking them down before they can hit the empty space where she was milliseconds ago.  Mary keeps her distance but is always moving, always seeking to flank, always looking for weak points to exploit.  Solas fights strategically, using his frost magic to isolate individual enemies and slow down groups before they can surround anyone else.  He freezes a shade in place before it can attack Lilith’s flank, shattering it into a thousand pieces with another pulse of mana.

And Beatrice, well… Beatrice is just a full badass.  For a mage, she doesn’t seem to care about keeping her distance.  She weaves between demons, twirling her staff like a dancer, wreathing her body in arcs of lightning.  She strikes as much with her staff as she does with her magic, cutting through wraiths with the sharp end and bashing shades with the blunt end.  At one point, she even impales a shade, pushing it away from Solas before obliterating it with a concentrated burst of electricity.  She makes you, with your flailing fire balls, look like a toddler waving a stick.

Solas directs you to aim your hand at the Rift to close it while he and the others occupy the demons.  You do, and the same beam of Fade energy connects from your hand to the Rift, forcing it to close, and leaving your fingers tingling and throbbing in its wake.

“The Rift is closed,” Mother Superion calls out.  “Open the gate!”

The heavy wooden doors creak open, held aloft by two battered looking soldiers, revealing the snowy bridge beyond.  You’ve finally reached the forward camp.

Your group marches past the soldiers, the Chantry sisters tending the wounded, the rows of bodies hidden under tarps, and heads straight toward a man in Chantry dress leaning over a table.  He looks up at your approach, and scowls at you specifically.

“Well,” he says, voice hard and carrying an arrogant, Orlesian lilt.  “Here you are then.”  He looks at Lilith and Mother Superion.  “As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry, I order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution.”  Okay, so he’s not friendly.  Noted.

Mother Superion manages to look even more offended than you feel.  “Order me?” She scoffs angrily.  “You are a glorified clerk, Duretti.  A bureaucrat!”

“And you are a thug,” Duretti counters.  It's not the word you would have chosen to describe the Mother (and you can think of many), but she and Duretti seem to be familiar with each other, so maybe he knows something you don’t.  “But a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!”

“I serve the Most Holy,” Superion asserts.

“Justinia is dead!” Duretti shouts, banging his fist on the table.  “We must elect a replacement and obey her orders on the matter.”

You roll your eyes, unable to contain your snark any longer.  “So no one’s actually in charge here.  Great, I’m really feeling the power of the Faith right now.”  Somewhere behind you, you hear Mary snort, and even Solas’s lips quirk upward.  Beatrice, however, frowns like you’ve insulted her family or something.

Mother Superion ignores your quip, as does Duretti.  “Call a retreat, Suzanne,” he says, beseeching.  “Our position here is hopeless.”

Superion (Suzanne, your brain catalogs for later) shakes her head.  “We can still stop this before it’s too late.”

“How?  You won’t survive long enough to reach the Temple, even with your soldiers.”

“We must get to the Temple,” Lilith insists, stepping forward.  “It’s the quickest route.”

“But not the safest,” Superion counters, although her tone is ponderous.  “Our forces could charge as a distraction while we go through the mountains.”

“But we lost contact with an entire squad on that path,” Beatrice says fervently, crossing her arms.  

“It’s too risky,” Lilith agrees.  “We must charge.  We will lose men and precious time if we don’t.”

“Abandon this now,” Duretti cuts in, stubborn as anything.  “Before more lives are lost.”

At that moment, the Breach pulses again with a thunderous cacophony, and your Mark responds in kind, drawing a pathetic whine from you.  This draws everyone’s attention to you, and Beatrice appears at your side, hand outstretched as if to touch your arm, but unable to close the gap.

“Are you alright?” She asks, with genuine concern.  You nod, unable to speak because you’re currently gritting your teeth against the pain.  By her worried expression, you know she is unconvinced, but she doesn’t argue.  Instead, she asks you something most unexpected.  “How do you think we should proceed?”

“You’re asking me?” You squeak, stupid with shock.

“You have the Mark,” Solas points out.

“And you are the one we must keep alive,” Superion concurs, even-toned.  “Since we cannot agree on our own…”

You glance between all of them, trying to gauge if they actually mean what they’re saying.  The last person who had ever asked your opinion about something was Diego, when he wanted to know if you thought the crack in the wall of his cell looked more like a bear or a dragon.  They return your gaze steadily, including Lilith, although she’s obviously not happy about it.

And… you hate that you're about to agree with a fucking Templar, but… "You say charging ahead will be the fastest way?"

“Yes,” Lilith says confidently.  “The Temple is just over the ridge.  It’s a straight shot.”  That sounds good to you.  Knowing your luck, if you tried the mountain path, you would just fall off of it.

“Then I say we charge.”  And, just to reinforce the fact that you’re still not cool with anything that’s happening right now, you scornfully add, “I won’t survive long enough for your trial.  Whatever happens, happens now.”

Mother Superion nods.  “Let’s go then.”

“On your head be the consequences, Suzanne,” Duretti mutters as you stalk past.  Superion ignores him.

Your party progresses toward the ruins at a steady pace.  You encounter more demons and another Rift.  This time, you need no instruction on what to do.  As soon as an opening presents itself, you stretch your hand toward it.  This time, it doesn’t close immediately, but you feel something give way inside of it, causing all the demons to slow and still as though stunned.  They don’t disappear however, and after a few moments they regain mobility and carry on as before.  They attempt to rush you, clued in to your interference, and you ready your staff to start incinerating them.

You needn’t have bothered.  Before a single demon can reach you, Beatrice is there, as fast and deadly as the lightning she summons.  She’s like a storm, furious and inescapable.  She destroys one shade and uses the momentum to propel her staff into another.  You clutch your own dinky staff, wondering if you should help her, or if she even needs your help.

“Close the Rift, Ava!”  She calls to you as she seamlessly blocks an attack.  She throws her opponent back with a pulse of mana and carries on to the next.  She’s unstoppable.

Doing what she says seems like the best use of your time, so you turn back to the Rift in question and go in for a second attempt.  This time, when you feel it break, it breaks for good, closing with a crack.  The tingling in your hand fades away faster than last time, and something in you feels stronger.

“Sealed, as before,” Solas comments, walking up to you.  “You are becoming quite proficient at this.”  He looks thoroughly unruffled, and on inspection, the rest of your companions also seem unharmed.  “Were you hurt?”

“Huh?  No.”

Solas looks at you with interest.  He reaches out and touches your arm with careful fingers.  Brow furrowing, you look down to see what he’s staring at.  He’s touching a tear in your gambeson, a long slash crusted in dried blood.  Your bare skin is exposed underneath.  With a start, you remember that this was where the shade cut you back when you first picked up your staff after falling from the bridge.  But looking at it now, your skin is unblemished.  No sign of the wound exists apart from the blood on your sleeve.  Shaken, you run your fingers along your face, trying to find where your forehead had split open on the rocks, but there’s nothing there.

“How interesting,” Solas says mysteriously.  “Well, I’m glad you are unharmed.  We should press onward.”

He turns away, but before you can ask after what he means, a new voice interrupts.

“Mother Superion, you managed to close the Rift.  Well done!”  Two new women are walking up to your group.  One has dark skin decorated with scars, short, red-tinted hair, and muscles big enough to be seen even under her heavy armor.  The other is a girl who looks to be your age, dressed in Chantry clothes with a head of dark, fluffy curls and a bow and quiver over one shoulder.

“Do not congratulate me, Dora,” Mother Superion says, indicating to you.  “This is the prisoner’s doing.”

The prisoner has a name, ya know?  You are tempted to say this, but Mary catches your eye and subtly shakes her head.

The buff woman regards you curiously.  “Is it?  I hope they’re right about you.  We’ve lost a lot of people to get you here.”

“You’re not the only one hoping that.”  Which is about as diplomatic as you can be.  You’re getting really tired of this.

“The way to the Temple should be clear,” the curly-haired woman says, adjusting the strap of her quiver.  “We can give you time, but you should hurry.”

“Right you are, Camila,” Superion agrees.  “Let’s go.  Dora, gather whoever remains and bring them here.”

“At once,” Dora confirms, already jogging away.

“Maker watch over you,” Camila says, smiling softly as she follows Dora.

You wonder what this Temple of Sacred Ashes looked like before the Conclave.  You imagine some impressive, immaculate building dusted in snow, gleaming in the sunlight.  Whatever it once was, it is a ruin now.  A blasted heath littered with burning corpses.  Pristine stonework lays shattered, staircases have been destroyed, and statues have crumbled to dust.  In the center of it all sits a massive Rift, seemingly the base of the Breach itself.

“This is your chance to end this,” Superion says to you.  “Are you ready?”

You stare at the Rift, following it all the way to the Breach itself, so far up in the sky as to be partially obscured by the clouds.  It rumbles with thunder as whole boulders float in a slow orbit around it.  No, you’re not fucking ready.  Obviously.

“I’ll try,” you demure.  “But I don’t know how to even get up to that thing, let alone close it.”

“No,” Solas denies, shaking his head.  “This Rift was the first, and it is the key.”

“We have to try.  The Maker is with us, He will see us through,” Beatrice says.  She’s so steadfast.  She has real faith, not in you, but in the rightness of this cause.  Somehow, that’s enough.  Even her bringing up the Maker doesn’t deter you.  Her faith isn’t in you, but that’s okay.  You’ll do what it takes to prove her right.

You pick your way through the debris, looking for the quickest path down.  As you jog across ruined walkways, something weird happens (and given how your day has been, that’s really saying something).

“Now is the hour of our victory.  Bring forth the sacrifice.”  An unfamiliar voice, smooth and cold, echoes through the air of the Temple.

“What are we hearing?” Superion asks, her eyes darting around for signs of hidden enemies.

“Presumably the person who created the Breach,” Solas responds.

Strange spikes of glowing red stone dot the path you tread, and when you come upon one, you see Mary visibly recoil.  “Shit.  Suzanne, this is red lyrium.”  Red lyrium?  Up until now, you had assumed that green was the only color lyrium could come in.

“I see it, Mary,” Superion confirms grimly.

“What the fuck is it doing here?” Mary growls, staring at the crimson mass and gripping her crossbow even tighter than before.

“Magic could have drawn on lyrium beneath the Temple, corrupting it,” Solas suggests calmly, though his shoulders are tense.

“Whatever it is, it’s evil,” Mary spits, stepping away.  “No one touch it, you hear?”  She ushers you all past it without further delay.

“Keep the sacrifice still.”

“Someone help me!”

Mother Superion gasps audibly.  “That was Divine Justinia’s voice!”  She speeds up impressively for a woman who uses a cane (even a sword-cane), and you struggle to keep up on your baby halla legs.

Eventually, you all make it to the base of the Temple, dropping down into the center of the heath where the large Rift sits.  The Mark ignites at the proximity, but the pain is more bearable now, somehow, maybe because you closed the previous Rifts.

Divine Justinia’s plea rings out again as you stare at the floating crystal mass, and a distressingly familiar voice answers: your own.

“What the fuck is going on here?!”

Sure enough, the others recognize it as you do.  Superion stares at you in shock.  “That was your voice.  Most Holy called out to you, but…”

Anything else she means to say is cut off abruptly.  The Rift pulses, expelling a wave of blinding light, and in its wake, something like a vision plays out before your eyes.

A woman in ornate religious dress hangs suspended in mid-air, arms forcibly outstretched.  She stares in horror at a shadow, tall and willowy, with glowing orange eyes.  Some of the dialogue you’ve already heard is repeated, and then you show up out of nowhere.  Literally.  You are laying in a heap on the ground, barely holding yourself up by the elbows, and your body is glowing a soft, yellow-y gold.  You recognize it instantly as the color of your Friend, who always comes when you ask her to, and this apparently is no exception.  In the vision, you repeat your question, and Divine Justinia calls to you.  “Run while you can!  Warn them!”

The shadowy figure tilts its head, regarding you with its burning stare.  “How curious to find such a revenant here,” it says.  “What Great Spirit loves you so, child, to bring you back from death?”  Somehow, you can almost see the thing, whatever it is, smiling.  “A pity.  Kill her, now.”  There’s another brilliant flash of light, and the vision abruptly ends.

You stare at the space where the shadowy figure was, until you are unceremoniously yanked around by the arm, Mother Superion’s fingers clamped hard on your bicep.  “You were there,” she says accusingly.  “Who attacked?  And the Divine, is she truly…?”  She sucks in a tremulous breath.  “Was the vision true?  What are we seeing?” She asks, more steadily.

“I don’t know!” You cry, pulling your arm out of her grip.  She lets you go, which is good because you probably wouldn’t have succeeded otherwise.  “I don’t remember!”

Solas steps in, looking at Superion.  “It is echoes of what happened here.  The Fade bleeds into this place.”  He directs your attention to the Rift.  “This Rift is not sealed, but it is closed.  Albeit temporarily.  I believe that with the Mark, we may open it, and then seal it properly and safely.  However, doing so will attract attention from the other side.”  Once he makes his point, his gaze shifts to you, and there’s a curiosity in it that you don’t like, that makes you nervous.  It’s like he’s trying to figure something out about you.

Superion does not notice this.  Her attention is on the gathered soldiers.  “That means demons.  Stand ready!”

It happens like this.  Around you, everyone falls into formation.  They spread out, surrounding the Rift on all sides.  Soldiers ready their swords and axes, archers nock arrows, and everyone in your party gets ready to fight.  Lilith, Camila, Dora, and Solas spread out, while Mary, Mother Superion, and Beatrice stay close to you.  When everyone is in position, Mother Superion nods at you and draws her blade.  You look at Mary, who gives you a cocksure smirk as she hoists her crossbow.  Lastly, you look at Beatrice, and find her steady gaze watching you.  She doesn’t smile, but her shoulders are straight and her bearing sure.  “We’re with you”, she says, which fills you with more confidence than anything else so far.

You turn to the Rift and extend your hand.  Things play out as they have before, with the energy of The Rift battling against the energy from the Mark, and everything seems to be going fine… up until a burst of Fade energy ejects from the mass, and a scaly, horn-covered demon the size of a house materializes out of thin air.

“This is such bullshit!” You lament, dropping your hand to face the beast.

“Now!”  Superion shouts.  “Kill the demon!”

The battle begins in earnest then.  The enormous monster meets resistance from all angles.  Arrows and bolts fly, pinging against its tough hide.  You join your magic with Beatrice and Solas, pelting the thing with a full elemental onslaught, and foot soldiers ring its feet, diving in and out while trying to slash at its ankles.  The demon is undeterred, cloaking itself in lightning and swiping at the nearest soldiers it can reach, sending them scattering.  All the energy you’re throwing at it seems barely to bother it.

“We must strip its defenses!”  Mother Superion calls.  “Wear it down!”

“Ava, use the Rift!” Solas shouts at you.  “The demon draws on its power!”

“Go, we’ll cover you,” Beatrice says, sharing a nod with Mary.  In unison, they concentrate their fire on the beast, actually managing to get its attention, and they draw it slowly but surely away from you.  Once again you are struck by the beauty of her movements, the devastating grace with which she commands magic.  If any of you manage to survive this, you wonder if she’ll teach you some tricks.

For now, you focus on the Rift, reconnecting the energy streams.  It’s draining work.  You can feel the Mark drawing on your strength to fuel itself, and you start to worry it’ll come up short.  But you push through, and as before, the Rift bursts open, stunning the demon and bringing it to its knees, allowing the soldiers to charge it like a swarm of rats.  Lilith is right underneath it, driving her sword into its face.  Dora takes point on its other side, slashing vigorously into its back.  Camila and the other archers continue to rain arrows from above until it starts to resemble a pin cushion or a reverse Iron Maiden (you’ve actually seen one of those before).

You leave them to it, taking the time to catch your breath.  Beatrice and Solas watch you concernedly, but you wave them away.

“I’m good,” you say, hoping you sound sure and that they don’t see your body shake.

Just like before, the demon recovers itself eventually, sending a shockwave of electricity that repels its attackers backwards.  Lilith and Dora roll neatly with the impact, but the other warriors are not nearly so lucky.  Most of them lay unconscious or dead around the beast, who now turns its evil, black eyes on you.

It charges.  No amount of counter-fire can deter it this time.  You are too slow, moving on jelly legs that don’t want to cooperate even to save your life.

It brings one massive claw down to cut you into pieces.  Somewhere to your right, someone shouts “No!”, and then…

There’s no blood, or pain.  There’s no impact.  The demon didn’t hit you.  Or rather, it definitely did, you realize, but somehow… didn’t.  One moment, black talons were about to turn you to ribbons, and the next they missed, swerving wildly into empty air.

“Um, what?” You say dumbly.  The demon seems just as surprised, but is quick to give it another try.  It attempts to backhand you, and once again, its fist passes through you like you aren’t even there.  This time you notice the problem it’s having.  The moment it was due to make contact with you, your body changed, becoming like water or air, letting the claw pass through it seamlessly.

“Ah, I suspected as much,” Solas says mysteriously, sounding way too calm for the situation at hand.

The demon snarls, swiping furiously at you, and each time fails to connect as your body shifts in and out of solidity.  It’s nothing to do with you.  You instinctively tense to avoid each attack, but something else is making this happen to you.

While you stand there getting swiped at like an idiot, everyone else is taking advantage of the demon’s distraction.  You hear the rattle of chains and look up to see them launch heavy grappling hooks into the demon’s back, leashing its limbs and dragging it away from you.

“Ava, attack the Rift!” Mary commands, already laying down fire to push it back further.  You do as you’re told, feeling the Mark pull more and more of your energy away to break the Rift apart.  But it does break, giving your allies more precious seconds to wail on the beast unimpeded.  You, meanwhile, nearly fall over, only to be caught by Beatrice.

“Easy,” she murmurs to you, carefully setting you back on your feet.  She steadies you with a hand on your arm, keeping the other on her staff, always ready.  “You’re almost there.  Can you feel the Rift weakening?”

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak while your lungs struggle for air.

“Once more should do it,” she says, always with more confidence than you feel.  “Can you do that?”

“Y-yeah,” you pant.  “I… I think so.”  You hope so.

Your arm shakes with exhaustion as you raise it again, but Beatrice stands firm behind you, free hand gripping your shoulder.  The beams connect a third time, all while the demon begins to pull free of its chains.  You try to ignore it, to focus entirely on the Rift.  You have the growing sense that it is collapsing under your power, under the Mark’s power.  It bursts open again, and you can tell even before Solas confirms it that this time is the clincher.  You push through, even as Beatrice has to drop her staff to hold you upright.  You keep going, trusting her strength, and will the Rift to close.

There is a concussive propulsion of mana, and another large burst of green light, but the Rift disappears.  The energy of the Breach recedes into the sky, out of sight.

That about does it for you.  You fully collapse against Beatrice, who carefully lowers you to the ground.  “Ava!” Several voices cry out, but you can’t tell whose is whose.  You try to keep your eyes open, gazing up at the wound in the sky, but you finally lose the battle, passing out.

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

11/17/2021 DAB Chronological Transcription

Acts 4 - 6

Today is the 17th day of November, I'm Jill. Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological. Hello, beautiful of people. I'm so glad that you're here with me. I'm so honored to be here with you on this journey. Reading through the Word of God. We do it every day. As we quiet our souls and our spirits. We rest our mind from all of the distractions, and we just focus in for the next 25, 30 minutes or so to hear what God would say, speak and do through His word to our hearts and change us from the inside out. Today we are continuing the Book of Acts. We're reading Acts chapters four through six, and this week we are in the Christian Standard Bible. I promise you guys, I'm getting better. I promise you I don't feel bad. I just have these residual effects that makes it sound like I gargle with glass, but I really don't gargle with glass. Thank you for your prayers every day. I'm getting better. Acts Chapter Four.

Commentary

Let's take a little deeper look into Acts chapter five, today. Reading from The God of Your Story, in the Book of Acts, we continued to see the gospel move forward. Daily the believers were being taught in the temple complex near Solomon's colonnade people were finding healing, and the believers were held in high regard. Although many observed from the sidelines because they were afraid of being ostracized by their religious leaders for good reason, the religious leaders burned with jealousy over the momentum Jesus' message continued to gain, and they threw the Apostles into jail. An angel freed the Apostles, who went right back to sharing the good news. The Sanhedrin rearrested them and dragged them before the high priest. We gave you strict orders never again to teach in this man's name, the high priest said. Instead, you have filled all Jerusalem with your teaching about him and you want to make us responsible for his death. We must obey God rather than any human authority Peter responded. He then took the opportunity to share the gospel with the most revered of Israel's religious leaders. Rather than considering Jesus as a continuation of their Jewish story and heritage, the religious leaders decided, as they had with Jesus to kill the Apostles. All but one of them, that is, Gammile, was one of the leading Pharisees and was respected by all. One of his students was another Pharisee named Saul. We're going to pay attention to Saul here. Saul deeply opposed Jesus and had no idea he was on a collision course with a faith that would radically transform him into the Apostle Paul. My advice is leave these men alone. Let them go, Gabalil said. If they are planning and doing these things merely on their own, it will soon be overthrown. But if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God. In surprising ways, we saw God protecting those who chose to obey him despite intimidation. And we continue to get a first hand look at how our faith took root, empowered by the Holy Spirit and the passionate witness of those who are willing to give their lives to bring light into the darkness. I really hope we can hear this, and I hope that we can hear through ears and eyes and hearts that are open to receive the truth, the weight, the heaviness of religious persecution. Before we just start throwing that term around in our culture. We have here prime examples of religious persecution, imprisonment, and death. And while they don't happen every day in our culture, we know that they do happen in other countries and other religious sects of the world, and they happen to the degree of what we just read imprisonment, death for either speaking or declaring a belief system that goes against a higher rank of official, whether it be government or religious affiliation. So maybe we can just agree on that. It's not very prevalent to my knowledge in the society that I live in, where people are being either imprisoned or put to death. But what I am watching, what I do think we need to take a look at is are we walking out our own form of religious persecution? If we understand the word persecution to be hostility and ill treatment, especially of race, political or religious beliefs or a form of harassment, are we then still participating on some level of religious persecution with anyone that disagrees with our foundational and core theological and systemic religious beliefs? And maybe we just sit with that for a second. Maybe we just feel the weight of that. Maybe we just remember the people that we unfriended or that unfriended us on social media because they found out what we really believed about, that certain thing that made us realize we differ on this and that we were willing to abandon everything else we know about them because of that one thing that we disagree on, it's feeling a little heavier. Maybe before we go around and drop phrases like religious persecution and the fears of the unknown of what somebody else could potentially do to me. We can, let me make this, I can, I can sit with the weight of what I have already done to make sure that someone knew that they were on the outside perimeter of being welcomed into my ring of sphere of living and influence based on our religious differences.

Prayer

Father, help us help me. I'm asking for your help so that I may never get so fixed on the differences of beliefs, but the people that I love, the people that I know or the people that I am yet to know and come into contact with that I dismiss the totality of who they are because I have narrowed in on one specific difference. And if I have, Father, I pray that you forgive me for not seeing them first and foremost as your child or my brother or my sister in Christ. We know, Father, that religious persecution unfortunately rears its ugly head in this world. We know it still does because we read in the word that it happened then, and history only ever repeats itself. But what I hope we can understand and what I hope we can grasp is that we may be a part of such behavior in our everyday lives. Help us forgive us. May we see your sons, your daughters, our brothers, our sisters, through the eyes of love, met with sheer compassion, sheer mercy, exponential Grace, and an unfathomable love that we do not even have the ability to understand that you give us so freely. But may we lean in to a greater knowledge and understanding as we walk in the ways of love. And we pray this in the name of the Father and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Announcements

Daily Audio Bible, that's Home base. Take a look around if you have not, check it out that's the website promised Land coffee table book brand new this year. Check it out. It's beautiful. It is professional and it is available while supplies last. If you would like to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you so much for your partnership. If you're giving by mail DAB PO Box 1996, Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174. Or you can hit the Give icon it's up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device and look for the Give icon on the website as well. If you need prayer, if you would like to call in and pray for someone that's previously called in, you can do so 800-583-2164. Or you can hit that red circle button and record your prayer request or your prayer. You've got two minutes to do so. Make sure you hit submit when you are done and then turn that wheels Chronological and it will get to the right place. Okay. Day three. Here we are. Midway Point how has the Bible changed your life? You get to be a part of the global chorus of chiming in and singing your song. By telling your story of how the Bible has transformed your life, you've got two minutes to do so. If you're using the phone line 800 583-2164, make sure you keep it to two minutes or you can use the app. Same rules apply two minutes. Make sure you hit submit and then turn the wheel to Chronological and it will get to the right place, keeping this open for just a couple more days until Friday the 19th. And then lastly, make sure that your prayer request is separate from your story of how the Bible has transformed your life, make those two separate things. If you have a prayer request so that one can go to one place and the other one can go to the other place and they both will get delivered to where they're going, that's going to do it for me today. I'm Jill. I look forward to turning the page with you tomorrow. Until then, love one another.

Community Prayer Line

Good morning, DABC this is Nancy from the high Mountains of Colorado. My prayer request this morning is for my four kids, their spouses and my eleven grandchildren to be drawn to the Lord and come to faith in Jesus. My grandchildren's names are Nola Levi, Cecily, Ruby, Desi, Isla Bowie, Quinn, Lucia River and Asher. I just purchased beautiful student Bibles and had them engraved for the five older grandkids. And I just ask that you would pray over the Bibles that the Holy Spirit would urge them to open the Bibles and read them and that their hearts would be pierced by the Word of God and that they would come to saving faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you. And I love you so much. Bye.

Hey, DABC family, this is Alaska mom, and I'm just kind of getting caught up. I listened to the 14th and the 15th today, and it is the 15th right now. And I just wanted to give a shout out prayer to Aina from London, who is a new Christian and from a Muslim family, and she didn't feel real confident in speaking her faith, especially with her family. And she's going to be going on vacation and meeting up with her family. And she was asking for prayer that she might have the confidence to speak her faith. And I do so understand that I have a hard time with my family. I've got a sister and my mother who are not believers. And my mother just turned 90 and she's getting to be a little forgetful and may need assisted living soon. And I do struggle with talking about my faith and trying to explain to her I really, truly do want her to be saved. But she lives in Portland, Oregon, and I live in Alaska, and I don't get to be with her much. So I just asked for prayers for my mom, that somebody might be able to bring her to the Lord. And anyway, I pray for many of you and I send blessings. Thank you very much.

This is Alta Lee Maxwell Abiding and Jesus on November 15. And I just heard the lady from Austin, Texas, and you must be in a special Ed class. I'm so sorry about this child who's been hurting you. I remember I've been a substitute. I was substitute in Texas. I'm in Colorado now, but I remember how people have gotten hurt from these students. And, oh, Father, I just pray for this precious, precious teacher. Oh, my goodness. And these precious students that you love Lord. I just pray this one that's been hurting this teacher. Oh, Father, we just pray the name of Jesus, that Satan will be bound and she will be protected from all this. And all these children will get the help that they need God, I should like to know what school. It is not that it matters, but I did substitute in some schools in North Austin. And then I went to move to land. I remember Worldridge and Walnut Creek. I'm not sure what school this is, but just curious. But I just pray that God just put his arms around you and love you and bless you for what you're doing. It's just such a wonderful thing in what you're doing, and we have a wonderful guy, and he's going to work things out for you. Thank you for your sacrifice in Jesus name. Amen.

[sarahlevys]

hi! very curious how co-writing a fic works? especially something as long form as your bachelor fic? do you guys take turns with certain chapters? certain scenes? brainstorm together? how do you make sure it sounds cohesive? any insight on the process would be super interesting.

thank you so much for reaching out, we're glad to know you're enjoying bachelor fic! ❤️ @anniemurphys and i felt it would be appropriate to co-write this response. 

our co-writing process absolutely begins with brainstorming together. we do a lot of talking through the concept to make sure we're both excited and into the idea. 

no matter the length of the fic (one-shot or multiple chapters), we outline a general skeleton/outline of the idea first in order to ensure that we know the arc of the story and what we want the characters to accomplish. this process usually begins with someone throwing out an idea (“what if twyla and alexis were on the bachelor together;” “hey have you heard ariana’s christmas album;” “okay, so about this one scene in season 5”) and then devolves into excited yelling (“OH MY GOD WHAT IF - ”; “twyla’s definitely going to do X”), and we gather all those excited thoughts and then fill in the blanks with any missing details/plot points to complete the outline.

from there, we usually then plan how we'll divide and conquer. singsongsung typically writes alexis and i (doingthemost) write twyla, so we determine if we're going to alternate chapters by POV like we did in our holiday gfs fic, by sections within the one-shot like we did in this alexis-gets-twy-a-ghost-for-christmas fic, or by sections within a chapter like in bachelor fic. if we're going to do multiple POVs in one chapter, we'll figure out if we're going to do a strict order (like in bachelor fic), or if it'll be seemingly-random (like in a WIP we have). 

from there, depending on the complexity or length of the fic, we may do additional outlining of scenes/sections so that the other person can write parts that come later without the previous sections needing to be already written.

then we start writing – sometimes in chronological order, but sometimes a little more random, based on what strikes us. we read what the other wrote, give feedback/suggestions/comments/etc, beta each other's writing, then give the whole chapter/fic a once-over to make sure it works together.  

if we're struggling with a section, phrasing, or even an ending, we may leave notes in [brackets] for the other to help with, although we also use brackets for ourselves, so we can come back and fill things in later. but part of the fun of having a co-writer is to give them things that you don't want to deal with anymore. 🙃 (such as the ending of this post, which justine very rudely left to me. - ria)

regarding keeping it cohesive, this isn’t something we think about all that much, to be perfectly honest. some co-writing relationships just really ‘click’ and we’re lucky to have one of those, but there’s also something to be said for how you adopt your friends’ linguistic habits. when one of us starts a fic and the other continues it, it’s decently likely that the second writer will sort of blend into the first writer’s style/vibe, if that makes sense? also, for us a lot of the time, it’s moreso that we’re trying to stay true to a certain tone in a fic. 

one last thing that’s important for us in terms of cohesion is that we have very similar and closely-aligned understandings of the characters we’re writing. we never end up saying to each other, “wow, twyla would never do that” or “alexis wouldn’t say that.” we’re pretty much only ever suggesting tiny tweaks, like, “i think twyla/alexis is a little more upset here.” we’d say it’s important to (a) love your co-writer’s writing and (b) trust their judgment/decisions/sense of the characters! 

hopefully this answers your questions and thanks for reading our fics! we promise that we are nice if you ever wanna chat about twylexis feelings with us!

[ashlynbuggy]

I got really bored, so I decided to write down my entire BTS theory, and boy is it a doozy.

Ok so… Buckle up cause I’m gonna try to explain what I think is happening in all of the MV’s as a whole, starting from the very beginning.

I personally believe in the theory that every single BTS MV is connected into one solid timeline. All the way from No More Dream to DNA. With that being said, I do believe some videos are “outliers” of sorts. Songs like Dope, War of Hormone, Mic Drop. They don’t exactly fit into the timeline. Personally, I believe these songs are “in universe” BTS songs. Meaning those are the songs that the characters BTS are portraying in the MV’s made. We see in the Japanese version of Danger and in Boy in Luv that the boys in the MV’s also make music, so I think the “outlier” songs are their’s. That’s just a personal theory though and it’s just to explain away those songs that don’t fit.

That being said, the rest of the MV’s have a DEFINITE timeline to them. Ok, maybe not definite, but it’s there if you look hard enough. I won’t go to in depth about the timeline before I Need U though, because it’s pretty basic and easy to understand. Also, in order to fully understand this you’ll have to watch every single MV I mention, every variation of that MV (meaning Japanese versions, dance versions, etc, if they have them), every highlight reel and short film, and most dance practices (the choreography is super important and if you want, I’d be willing to make videos analyzing the choreo of BTS songs to show that more in depth. I’d also be down to analyze MV’s, though the videos will be a lot longer). If you want, I can try to make a playlist on my youtube channel that contains every single video you need to watch in chronological order.

So, our timeline starts at No More Dream. In this video we see seven boys (Rap Monster (now called RM), Jin, Jimin, J-Hope, V, Suga, and Jungkook) who are, in their opinion, “the coolest kids in the world.” And, well, they certainly try to live up to that name. We see them steal a school bus, drive to their school in the middle of the night, and trash the place. They’re teenage boys who hate the school system and want to cause trouble. This will stay true throughout the first three albums, but more on that later. The only really important event in this MV is at the end. At the end, we see helicopters and police men show up. This isn’t just to show how “cool” and “edgy” they are, it’s actually a direct link to their next MV.

The next MV is N.O. In N.O., we see that the boys are in a strict boarding school. This is likely because of their bad behavior shown in No More Dream. Instead of sending them to juvie, they instead decide to straighten them out. This, obviously, doesn’t work. As mentioned before, they hate the school system. So, they fight it. Jungkook is the first to decide that this place is absolute bullshit and plans to do something about it. His Hyung’s join in and together they escape the place.

The next time we see the boys is back in a regular (and quite similar to the one in No More Dream) school in Boys in Luv. Nothing too significant happens here actually, but it’s important to note that not only are the boys older, but they’re a bit less wild. They aren’t graffiting the walls or smashing TV’s anymore. Yes, they’re still bad boys who have dyed hair and steal their friends mixtape right out of their jacket and don’t really know how to treat girls, but they’re maturing. This is the first sign of that that we see in the MV’s, and it’s an important note to touch on. The point of the MV’s in a symbolic sense is all about growing up and trying to keep your youth. The fact that they’re starting to lighten up and are falling in love for the first time shows this nicely.

Just One Day is next and has the same story and message as Boys in Luv. Only difference is that Boys in Luv was them asking out their first love, Just One Day is them being with their first love. This doesn’t show in the MV, but it does in the lyrics, which are just as important. Not much to say here, but if you believe that the YoonKook relationship in the MV universe is a romantic one (like I do), than I think this may have been around the time they got together. Only real thing that suggest this is in Yoongi’s verse he says something along the lines of “I like hearing your voice when you call my name” and Jungkook afterward says “Yoongi-ah,” implying he’s the one Yoongi is talking about. I may just be reaching with that though.

Now, the next mv is Danger. This MV (and the Japanese one) are pretty important. This song is basically them going through a breakup. They’re a lot older (and mature) now and are probably going through their first real hardship. They handle this in different ways, but they’re all healthy. They aren’t destroying a school or anything like what they would’ve. RM is seen writing but if you look around, you’ll see a tattoo gun and ink, starting his interest in tattoos (which will be a continuous theme after this point); Suga focuses on basketball; V decides to cut his hair (which in asian culture signifies starting over, it’s a way for him to put the past behind him and get a fresh start); Jimin takes up boxing as a release of anger; J-hope continues to dance, which will also be shown multiple times again in the future; it’s unclear what Jin is doing; and Jungkook is playing the piano, a skill which we figure out later on he learned from his *boy*friend, Suga. That last one is probably the most important, especially since he messes up the keys and gets frustrated. Is it because he’s practicing to impress Suga and can’t get it right? Or is it the aftermath of a behind the scenes YoonKook fight? Either way, I feel it has a direct correlation to Suga. The Japanese MV for Danger is much different. This one focuses more on V. In the beginning they’re in a recording studio kind of just chilling and what not. V gets a text that visibly upsets him, and we see the impact of this throughout the MV. Bff RM notices, and decides that all of them should go to an underground club they often visit to get his mind off it. The rest of the MV isn’t too important, but this is the first time seeing a strong relationship between V and RM, which is very important.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, I Need U and Run. Now the timeline between I Need U and Run is very very close and at some points interchangeable. Let me explain. I think that the events the boys partake in in I Need U happen first. Meaning them on the railroad tracks, them running in that tunnel, them at the restaurant, the ending scene with all of them on the couch. All of that, all of the moments with the boys together and having fun, I think that happens before Run. Everything else, happens after Run. Those times where they’re together and having fun, I’ll refer to as the “fun events.” In Run, we see a party that I think happens after those fun events in I Need U. During this party, we see Jin kind of spacing out. It’s unsure exactly when, but at some point between the Prologue (which happens directly after the fun events in I Need U) and Run, Jin dies. He’s seen sort of watching over them, not really interacting. How Jin died isn’t exactly important, but my belief is that he was killed by V (more on that later), and I don’t think anyone knows this but V’s bff, RM. Either way, Jin is first to die. His death causes the others to spiral downwards.

During Run, YoonKook have a fight, causing Jungkook to run off (it’s my belief that they lived together, evident by Jungkook’s shirt hanging on the wall in Suga’s room in I Need U). What this fight is about, I actually don’t think it’s too important, but if I had to guess it would be about Suga’s drinking. He’s obviously drunk during the fight and I think how Suga dealt with Jin’s death was by drinking. The others as well, but since Jungkook is closest with Suga, he’s the one he tries to talk sense into. I think Jungkook was the only one to catch onto this downward spiral of the others, and tried to help. His help only lead to an argument with Suga. We see what happens after he runs off in I Need U. He gets beaten up by thugs, walks into the street and gets hit by a car. Jungkook doesn’t survive the accident, making him the second to die. Also, at the end of Run, Jungkook looks back into the camera at Jin, and winks knowingly, possibly because he has died too.

It’s unsure exactly the order of the next deaths, but I think it’s safe to go in order of the wings short films because that is now where we are in the timeline. If I had to guess the order of deaths not going by short films it would be Suga, Jimin, V, RM, and then J-Hope. In Begin, Jungkook has already died, so there’s not much to talk about. However, when his painting of Suga burst into flames, he realizes something is very wrong. He wants to save him, but can’t because he’s no longer there. I’ll get more on Suga later, because according to the short films, Jimin is next to die after Jungkook.

We see his cause of death in Run, though not completely. In Run, after Jungkook has died, we see both Jimin and J-hope have entered a mental hospital. The loss of their friends has made Jimin depressed and J-hope reliant on medications. J-hope goes in first after passing out on the street in I Need U, and Jimin goes in after a suicide attempt in the bathtub, also seen in I Need U. In Lie, we see that at some point, Jimin and J-hope got separated from each other. Treatment is hard, but it’s even harder when you don’t have anyone next to you. Jimin manages to convince the hospital that he’s fine, and is sent away. However, Jimin was not ok. He ends up actually committing suicide this time, the same way he tried to before, by drowning in his bathtub.

Next is V. Now, it’s unsure exactly how V dies, but he most certainly does. In Stigma, we see that he has been caught by the police and has been taken into custody. V is no longer a rambunkshus teenager, he’s an adult now, and can no longer get away with graffiting walls. He’s arrested, but is given a phone call. He calls bff, RM, but RM either can’t or doesn’t answer. Because of the lack of response from the last person V had, he feels completely alone and broken as he’s locked away. It’s most likely he either killed himself in prison, was sentenced to death row due to police finding out he killed his father (and/or Jin), or killed himself before being put behind bars.

Back to Suga. Suga feels incredible guilt over Jungkook’s death, which we see in I Need U and First Love. First Love actually probably happens first in Suga’s personal timeline since we see his death in I Need U. Suga starts playing Begin on the piano, a song Jungkook wrote himself (maybe that’s the song he was trying to play in Danger?). When he stops, he hears someone whistling the same tone, and thinking it might be Jungkook somehow, he follows the sound. I think this was Jungkook from the afterlife trying to get Suga away from the piano. In Jungkook’s vision, he saw a fire and knew that the store Suga broke into would catch on fire, so thinking that was going to be how Suga died, he tried to lure him away. He tried saving him, but after Suga is remet with the reality that Jungkook is dead, he falls into grief all over again. Later on, he goes back to their shared house and sets it and himself aflame, which we see in I Need U. This was the fate Jungkook’s painting was trying to show him, but he misinterpreted it. I’m sure it was a shock for him to see that even despite his attempts to save him, Suga still died, though this is never really shown.

Next is RM. Now, RM is another death that’s a bit unclear. I think it’s likely he had an alcohol and smoking addiction, which took his life, or the guilt of missing V’s phone call caused him to take his own life. In Reflection, we see him trying to let go of his grief of losing those he cares about. He does this the same way he did in Danger, by writing and tattooing. The tattoo is a familiar design that we see in a few other short films, though I’m not exactly sure what significance it has. If you know what it is, let a homie know. Anyway, RM dies probably shortly after V did.

Surprisingly, the last to die was probably the most unstable. J-hope’s death is probably the easiest to understand. After being in a padded cell for so long, he finally learns about the deaths of all of his friends. I think the decision for him to overdose on his medication was a pretty easy one for him to make; he wanted to be with his brothers again. In Mama, we see that the hospital has supplied him (stupidly??) with a shit-ton on meds. He takes so many that he overdoses and dies.

And finally, we see Jin again. Jin is… Horrified to say the least. He never expected them to spiral out of control like that. He tried watching over them, he tried guiding them, but for a reason he doesn’t understand, it all failed. We’ve seen in I Need U that Jin places six lily petals on the ground and they catch on fire. The six petals represent the six other members. Lilies themselves strongly represent death. Jin had a vision, much like Jungkook, that his friends were all going to parish. This is why in prologue and run, he watches over them. He’s trying to keep them all together and happy so that it doesn’t happen. During Run though, he’s slowly realizing that there’s nothing he can do. At the end of Awake, he leaves six photos representing the other members. He walks down the hall and out of the room, likely to meet the others now that they are all together again.

And this is where Blood, Sweat, and Tears starts. BS&T is pretty clearly the afterlife. All of them together, and in fancy clothing, in a fancy building. I’m not sure if it’s exactly heaven, but I don’t believe it is hell. So, here’s the deal. Jin is with his brothers again, but he realizes that it’s bittersweet, because they’re all dead. While looking at a painting of fallen angels and demons, he wonders if there’s anyway to fix what had happened. V realizes this and shows Jin that there is a way, making a deal with a demon (or a fallen angel, it’s a tad unclear. V seems to be a fallen angel, but people typically only make deals with demons so idk). This demon happens to be V. Why is V a demon? Cause he killed two people, one of which was his own friend and the other was his own (albeit abusive) father. V is a sinner, much more than the rest of them. V shows Jin a statue, a statue that has V’s wings because we see his are missing (which makes me think he’s actually an angel who had his wings taken; aka a fallen angel, but I digress). Jin decides to make the deal, sealing it with a kiss. This deal says that Jin will have the power to go through time, but there’s a cost. We don’t know what the cost is yet, we’ll probably find out with this upcoming album. After this deal is made, it immediately starts to shift the afterlife. Jin’s new power is starting to take affect, signified by the sudden bright rainbow colors. He uses his power for the first time in BS&T Japanese version.

This is one of the most important BTS MV’s, but it’s so easy to miss. Please, if you haven’t seen the MV for the Japanese version of BS&T, go do it right now, I’ll wait. You’ve seen it? Good. Fucking crazy, right? You’re probably very confused and don’t understand a damn thing. That is, until you realize this is Jin using his power for the first time. What you’re seeing is the members going back in time. You see scenes from BS&T, I Need U, Run, and even some new scenes. All of the old scenes look odd and sort of messed up. People are in the wrong positions, wearing the wrong clothes, there’s multiple of the same people. Jin just got this power, he’s learning how to use it as he goes, and it’s not the smoothest first time. He gets things wrong, but in the end, they make it back. But hold up a moment. Before we get into what happens next, let’s talk about these new scenes. The first is a scene between RM and Jungkook. This one is… Odd to say the least. We see RM give Jungkook some strange green liquid. It’s the same liquid RM drinks in the original BS&T. Is it alcohol? is it poison? We don’t know. All we do know is that it makes Jungkook sick. That’s where the next new scene comes in. Jungkook is throwing up in the toilet. Suga comes by and tries to help him, but Jungkook pushes him away. Is this a topsy turvy version of the YoonKook fight in Run? Or maybe it’s a different fight that happened before Run, like the possible one before Danger? Who really knows, but it’s interesting to speculate. The biggest new scene though is the one with Jin and V. We see Jin punching V repeatedly. He suddenly hesitates to apologize. Why were they fighting? Couldn’t tell ya. Either way, V sees this hesitation as an opportunity to strike back. He lunges forward, knife in hand, and kills Jin. We actually see this happen, and no, I don’t think it’s just a backwards version of V killing his father in I Need U. I think this is something that actually happened that we’ve never seen before. Why? Because that is not the last time we’ll see this scene again.

The next time we see it is in the Love Yourself highlight reel. We see it when Jin is flashing back through his memories, trying to decide which memory to go back to. That means that that scene, it wasn’t a mistake. It wasn’t Jin’s power messing up, that was a real memory of Jins. Jin actually remembers V killing him. I’ll get back to the highlight reel in a minute though, because first we have to talk about Spring Day.

Spring Days MV actually isn’t that important, since most of it is in dedication of the victims of a tragic train wreck that happened in Seoul. The most important parts are small and symbolic, like the washing machines signifying the multiple cycles Jin has gone through and Jin looking through his fingers like a camera, showing he’s still watching over them. The real important scenes in Spring Day comes from the choreography. More specifically V and Jin’s part of the choreography. When V sings his “you know it all, you’re my best friend,” part, he kneels down in guilt and sorrow. Jin emerges from the group to walk over to him. He places a hand on his back and helps him back to his feet. At the end of BS&T, Jin looks over at some lilies, and another symbolism for lilies is forgiveness. Jin forgives V for what he did. V is one of Jin’s lily petals just like the others, and even though it hurt him, he still loves and looks after it.

Before we get back into the highlight reel, let’s quickly discuss Serendipity and DNA. These songs have the SAME EXACT PREMISE. Like I’m not even joking, please pull up the lyrics for both if you are skeptical. They’re both about destiny and how the fate of design works and how sometimes two people are meant to be. Serendipity has a bit more of a star-crossed lovers vibe than DNA, which is more just about soulmates, but either way it’s pretty much the same. So much so, that the first line of Serendipity is the chorus for DNA. “All of this is not a coincidence.” Bit spooky, right? They’re legit saying, “nah, ya’ll aren’t reaching. Everything you see means something.” But anyway, even though the songs are pretty much the same just in a different order, the videos aren’t too similar. DNA is about Jin jumping between time to try and fix everything. The boy is trying his best, but the others keep messing up somehow (as we’ll see in highlight reel). He’s going through many, many wormholes, trying to do everything he can to change fates design. Serendipity definitely stays more true to the lyrics than the timeline and theory. It’s a sweet love song that is about two people (Jimin and his love interest) who were destined to be together since the creation of the universe. Now, outside of the timeline theory, I personally have a hard time believing this song is about anyone BUT Yoongi. And that’s from someone who isn’t even the biggest YoonMin shipper. But, real life theories to the side, I have no clue who “in-universe” Jimin could be singing about. J-hope maybe? The girl from the highlight reel? Noone in particular? Idk. I’ve also heard that DNA is about TaeKook, which looking at the clues makes enough sense to me lol. So, maybe there’s dual meanings? One meaning for real life and one for the MV timeline? After all, all of this is not a coincidence, right?

Finally, back to the highlight reel and where the timeline ends for now until the new comeback. In the highlight reel, we see each member has gone their separate ways. Jungkook is in a wheelchair, meaning that Jin took them back to right before Jungkook got hit by a car. Instead of trying to pull them all together, Jin leaves them be as they all part ways, minus Jimin and J-hope, who we’ll get to more later. Jungkook has survived the car accident that he died in before. He’s in a wheelchair, but not paralyzed as we see him walking near the end of the reel. He meets a girl in the hospital who has some sort of terminal illness, he immediately takes a liking to her. Suga is still making music and has even started seeing this girl. She’s trying to straighten him out a bit by getting him to quit smoking (very similar to how Jungkook tried to get him to stop drinking? Parallel maybe?). V meets a girl who is a lot like how he was. Stealing, vandalising, just doing bad kid things. He decides to help her as she seems to be a loner like himself. RM is still living in solitude, but he keeps running into this girl. He likes her, but can never seem to gain the courage to talk to her. J-hope has started dancing again as a way to escape, much like he did in Danger. He’s still haunted by his mother abandoning him as a child, but he’s taking that anger and putting it to dancing with his girlfriend (it could just be that she has a crush on him). Jimin has been helping J-hope. They both share a stronger bond after having gone through treatment together. Jimin has a crush on the girl who’s dancing with J-hope and wants to impress her. He loves J-hope, but he can’t help but be jealous. He starts practicing their dance, hoping that maybe he can show her that he can dance just as well as J-hope. And then we have Jin. Jin runs into a girl who drops her diary. In it, he finds out her contact information, which he uses to ask her on the date. Everything seems like it’s going great, until suddenly it isn’t.

Jungkook runs into Suga’s friend as she’s performing at the hospital. I think Jungkook assumes Suga has moved on when he sees that she has Yoongi’s lighter with his initials on it, and thus texts him, probably saying something sweet about how he’s happy for him and that he has moved on too. Suga, who probably hasn’t moved on, gets upset at this. He ends up pushing the girl away, telling her to leave him alone. He’s doing the same thing he did to Jungkook before. V and his friend have started getting into trouble together. Maybe she roped him back into it? Maybe he was never really doing better in the first place? Either way, they’re caught. V, in a moment of bravery or foolishness, decides to turn himself in to save the girl. He’d later be taken in by the police like before. RM ends up never confessing his feelings for the girl, feeling like he’s not good enough for her or anyone. J-hope’s girlfriend (?) gets injured somehow. She may fall while dancing, or J-hope could’ve hurt her, or maybe Jimin hurt her. J-hope ends up rushing her to the hospital while Jimin relapses in self-harm. Jungkook decides that since Suga has found someone else, he’s free to confess his feelings for the girl. However, he’s too late. The illness has already caught up to the girl, killing her. And finally back to Jin. As he waits for his date to arrive, we hear off-screen as she gets hit by a huge truck, more likely ending her life. Jin, who can’t even be shocked anymore, asks himself how many times can he go back, repeating the same days, hoping for a different outcome. At the end of the reel, we see him back at the same say he started from, meaning he used his power to go back in time again.

I think, the answer to this is a bit simple. I think that because fate has already laid itself out (as said in DNA), there’s no way to change it. However, I don’t think us or Jin will truly know what’s going on until the next album. In my opinion, I think this next album will be much darker than Love Yourself. I think it’ll show the consequences of messing with time, and Jin’s deal will backfire in some way again. Whatever the demon’s end of the deal was, I think it’ll come to light this next comeback.

If you think about it, the MV universe of BTS is split up into three sagas if you will. The first is the School saga which runs from 2 Kool 4 Skool to Skool Luv Affair. Then, you have the Young Adult saga, running from Dark and Wild to You Never Walk Alone. And finally, the WHAT saga. W-Wings, H-Her, A-?, T-?. The next two albums I believe will fall under this saga.

Anyway, I hope this made sense. If you got confused at some part, let me know and I’ll try to explain in better details. I know for certain I’m probably not the first one to come up with this theory, but everything written here are things that I came up with by watching all BTS videos on my own without looking at theories. I’m not claiming to be the first person to think of this, cause I know I’m not.

Also, this is leaving out a lot of details. Like… A LOT. Especially when it comes to choreography and Japanese versions. I also didn’t even mention Fire, which honestly is probably apart of the timeline due to the sheer amount of easter eggs, it’s just hard to tell where it lands. So, like I said in the beginning, if you’re interested in full MV and choreography analysis videos, I’d be happy to do them. I want to know if that’s something that you guys would actually watch though. Also let me know if you want a full playlist of the essential videos you need to watch for this timeline to make the most sense.

Another thing, this is all just a theory, so if you don’t agree with some parts, that’s totally fine. It’s all just for fun and all of my opinions are just that, opinions.

I hope you enjoyed this and that it may have cleared some things up, especially for new fans!

[textbooksolutionsmanuals]

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[possiblyimbiassed]

Maggie, Mary and Moriarty – like ghosts from ze past…

There are indeed lots of recurring themes in BBC Sherlock, like for example suicide or codes and ciphers or ghosts.

But one of the recurring themes is more specific, in the sense that it’s about a person who has lived in the real world – and a powerful one to boot: Margaret Thatcher. This former British prime minister is mentioned repeatedly in the show, but in different ways. So – why this obsession with Thatcher? Is it some sort of clue? Let’s have a closer look; I’ll try to account for all the occurrences here in chronological order and analyze their possible meaning (a warning: this might be a bit lengthy, so please bear with me):

1. The first time Thatcher is mentioned is in John Watson’s blog, at about the time of ASiB. The entry is called “The Six Thatchers” (which most certainly is a reference to ACD Canon’s case The Six Napoleons):

Sally Barnicot contacted Sherlock about the murder of her art-student friend Pietro Venucci, who was found stabbed in the pottery room. His boyfriend Beppo Rovito told the police he had discovered the body. Sally accused Beppo of murder, but there was no evidence.

Sherlock discovered a series of burglaries at other houses related to the university and the victim. John went there in disguise and found that Pietro had made six pottery figures of Maggie Thatcher with devil horns, which had been sold to all the burglary victims. Apparently the figures were meant as satire of Thatcher. Nothing else was taken during the break-ins.

Sherlock and John visited the houses of the two remaining figures. John watched Beppo breaking in, heard glass shattering and saw him finding the figure on the mantlepiece.

They followed him outside, watched him smash the figure and caught him picking up a penknife from inside the figure, which had his initials on it.

Beppo confessed that he and Pietro had an argument and, in a struggle, Beppo had stabbed him. He'd seen the figures going into the oven and pushed the knife into the clay. He'd then smashed a window to make it look like there'd been a break-in.

Observations: a) We never get to know the actual motive for Beppo stabbing his boyfriend.

b) In this blog entry there’s a picture of Sherlock wearing the ‘funny hat’ (deerstalker), which has often been interpreted as his ‘public image’ in spite of him not liking it at all; a Persona he is forced into by others.

c) John believed Sally had been in love with the victim, which could be a sign of a triangle drama of some sort.

2. In The Hounds of Baskerville, Sherlock tries to figure out the password to Major Barrymore’s online info about the secret CIA project H.O.U.N.D. Since the Major is strict, conservative and has five biographies of Margaret Thatcher in his book shelf, Sherlock deduces the password: “Maggie”. He finds out that this project has produced a drug as a secret chemical weapon. The online text mentions things like ‘Paranoia,’ ‘Severe frontal lobe damage,’ and ‘Multiple homicide,’ in association with this drug. Sherlock explains it: “ …a new deliriant drug which rendered its users incredibly suggestible. They wanted to use it as an anti-personnel weapon to totally disorientate the enemy using fear and stimulus…”

Observations: a) One of the five project leaders, whose family names form the acronym HOUND, is named Mary Uslowski. Mary Watson was also part of a group with an acronym made from the group members’ names; AGRA.

b) In this scene Thatcher’s name is associated with a poison that brings hallucinations, paranoia and fear to its victims.

3. In the episode The Six Thatchers in Series 4, there are six plaster busts of Margaret Thatcher owned by five different people. There are also a series of burglaries where someone systematically smashes the busts, but doesn’t take anything. The importance of the Thatcher busts is emphasized not only in the episode title, but within the story as well:

Sherlock seems obsessed with finding out how Margaret Thatcher might be connected to James Moriarty:

But he doesn’t have a spelled-out theory; it rather seems based on intuition...

...and the surroundings go spooky and bluish...

However, in spite of Sherlock being called back from his fatal mission in Eastern Europe specifically to deal with Moriarty’s supposed return, he fails miserably to track Moriarty down. In fact, there is basically nothing more revealed in this episode about Jim Moriarty or his possible connection to Thatcher. Mycroft believes that Moriarty is after a certain Black Pearl of the Borgias, but Sherlock doesn’t find the pearl either. (And in the following episode Jim seems totally forgotten).

Instead, the evidence hidden inside the last of the Thatcher busts leads directly to Mary Watson, and her background as member of the contract killer group A.G.R.A.

At first, ‘Mary’ isn’t directly participating when Sherlock investigates the case that leads him to the first Thatcher bust; she is merely seen curiously waiting in the background.

However, when two more Thatcher busts are smashed and they do get in focus, ‘Mary’ - for some odd reason - suddenly gets involved in Sherlock’s search:

It’s a bit strange; ‘Mary’ has never been a part of Sherlock’s cases until now, so it’s unclear why her presence is suddenly so important - especially since her ‘help’ doesn’t lead to any improvement of the case whatsoever:

And still she gets to participate as some kind of expert. It almost seems like Sherlock deliberately lets ‘Mary’ come between him and John, even when they’re working together.

At the end of the episode ‘Mary’ dies from a gunshot (in an extremely unrealistic and overly dramatic way) and her death seems to damage John’s and Sherlock’s friendship when John blames Sherlock for the incident. The interesting thing is, that from now on we get Mary’s ghost as a transmitter of Moriarty’s eternal “miss me?” message:

Associated with one of the Thatcher burglaries is the mysterious death of a young man, Charlie Welsborough, who wanted to surprise his father on his 50:th birthday by pretending to be a car seat and then suddenly drop the disguise. But the guy dies of some sort of seizure and never gets to surprise his father. His body is discovered a week later when the parked car accidentally gets hit by another car and explodes.

Observations: a) This whole Six Thatchers case seems extremely similar to the earlier case on John’s blog; there are the same number of Thatcher images (although this time with no devil’s horns, thus worshipped rather than mocked), they are all smashed and there is important evidence hidden inside one of them at the pottery, with someone’s initials on it (but this time information rather than a weapon).

b) This time Sherlock actually seems happy about the busts being destroyed. Charlie Welsborough’s father has images of Thatcher as a shrine placed on a prominent place in the living room, while the photos of his dead son only appear on a side table.  Sherlock pretends to not recognize the importance of Thatcher, and he almost expresses sympathy with the burglar:

And Sherlock is not alone; even his mostly very formal and polite civil servant of a brother is critical:

As the smashing continue, Sherlock is not exactly worried…

:) Actually, I believe he’s encouraging people to vote against Thatcherism:

And Sherlock even gets to smash the last Thatcher bust himself:

c) The young Charlie Welsborough seems queer- or trans-coded in the subtext, since

i) Sherlock mis-genders Charlie by referring to him as the Welsboroughs’ daughter:

ii) There’s an 18th or 19th century painting in his parents’ house with a little girl with a drum – hardly a common toy for girls in those times:

iii) There’s a Blue Power Ranger figure attached to the front of Charlie’s car, associating to the TV series with the same name, which is shown melting when the car explodes:

David Yost, the actor who played the Blue Power Ranger ‘Billy Cranston’, has stated he had “walked off the show --- due to repeated and ongoing homophobic slurs by the creators, producers, directors, and writers of the series” (X).

Even Charlie is associated with ghosts in this episode; John mentions that he’s going to call this case “The Ghost Driver” on his blog.

So maybe Charlie’s death is also significant; he died while trying to make himself invisible to his father-the-Thatcher-lover by resembling a car seat, possibly due to fear that his father would disapprove of his sexual orientation or trans-gender identity.

d) Whenever Thatcher is in focus in this episode, weird things happen; the surroundings become spooky and bluish…

…and/or watery…

… or Sherlock gets the imprint of Maggie projected on his face:

5: Right before one of the bust smashings, parting from the scene in Mycroft’s office where Sherlock wants to know how Moriarty is connected to Thatcher, there’s a glass being shattered:

The same thing happened earlier, in John’s blog case The Six Thatchers, when Beppo was discovered at a crime scene. And later in the show, inside Sherlock’s mind palace in TAB, John and Sherlock also heard the sound of glass shattering. At the time they thought it was a window shattering while someone was breaking in, but it turned out that the object broken was a mirror used to produce the illusion of a ghost:

To summarise: We have these three ghosts casting their shadows over the show from TAB to TFP, and maybe even earlier: Maggie Thatcher, James Moriarty and Mary Watson. But in TAB Sherlock insists to John: “You may, however, rest assured there are no ghosts in this world… save those we make for ourselves”.

So my guess is that these are ghosts that Sherlock has created in his mind palace. The blog case and also Major Barrymore’s fondness of Thatcher in THoB might be ‘real’, but Series 4 seems to be Sherlock’s rehashing of past events in new ways inside his mind palace (EMP theory). In THoB Barrymore’s secret info accessible with the password “Maggie” is about a drug that instils fear in the victims, confuses them and makes them hallucinate. Maybe this drug is also involved with all the weird things Sherlock experiences in Series 4.

The shattering of glass in the two Six Thatchers cases, as well as in the ghost case in TAB, seem to alert the audience to pay attention, and to realize the fact that this ghost imagery is all fake; there’s no reason for us to believe in these ghosts or obey their messages, since they all belong to the past and do not actually exist except in people’s heads. 

But I do think each one of the ghosts represents something in this story on a metaphorical level, for Sherlock, for John and for society as a whole, which I’ve been trying to show here:  (X, X, X, X) . In ‘Mary’s case I think it’s heteronormativity and in Moriarty’s it’s homophobia. They’re the villains of the story; they’re the issues that are keeping Sherlock and John from openly becoming who they really are. 

But what about ‘Maggie’ – why this massive emphasis on a PM from the eighties and people smashing images of her? Well, I suspect it’s because she’s been infamous for her homophobic conduct as a Prime minister in that period. Some of the best-known examples:

Quote from Margaret Thatcher’s speech to Conservative Party Conference October 9, 1987 (X):  ”Children who need to be taught to respect traditional moral values are being taught that they have an inalienable right to be gay. - - - All of those children are being cheated of a sound start in life - yes cheated.”

In 1988 Thatcher’s government legislated Britain’s first new anti-gay law in 100 years; Section 28, which stated that a local authority "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality" or "promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship" (X)

Thatcher tried to block public health warnings about Aids in the eighties. Allegedly she feared teenagers would be “harmed" by an Aids awareness campaign about how the disease spread. (X) (X)  

My conclusion: Maggie, Mary and Moriarty are connected in this show, they take turns to represent what’s literally killing Sherlock, John and their relationship: homophobia and heteronormativity. And in the case of Thatcher it’s connected to the official power – a prevailing viewpoint that totally dominated society in the Victorian times when ACD’s Canon was written, and that still has a lot of influence. The six Thatchers are all smashed in the show, but Mary and Moriarty still linger as ghosts until the end of TFP. Let’s hope there actually will be a fifth series some time, where we can finally get rid of these ghosts once and for all.

[feynavaley]

Hetalia Navigation

Since a big chunk of this blog’s content (and most of my original content, probably) is Hetalia-related and I use a strict tagging system, I found out a new way to procrastinate figured I should write down a bit of tags to make the navigation easier. 

First things first: this is probably obvious, but anything concerning Hetalia will be under the main tag #hetalia, no exceptions.

Every character has his/her own tag (#aph character name), however, sometimes they won’t be tagged in general posts that mention too many of them. Some group tags are the Nordics, the Allies, the Axis, the NA brothers, the ACE family, the FACE family (note: aside from rare and obvious cases, everything is intended as platonic), America and England, Canada and England (in both cases, as brothers or father and son), France with a former colony/younger nation, the Slavic siblings and the Italian brothers.  If you want to look for posts including more than one character, type in the bar “/search/%23aph-character1+%23aph-character2”. The posts won’t be in chronological order, but they should all be there.

Some sub-tags are:

- Official Art [mobile link]

- Fanart [mobile link]

- Photosets [mobile link]

- Nyotalia (nyotalia characters are tagged both as their canon counterparts and as #nyo character name)

- Fandom-related posts

My thoughts on the feedback issue [x]

Why referencing to the Axis in the title isn’t disrespectful [x]

What I think about the proposition to change the main tag from ‘aph’ to ‘hws’ [x] [x]

Where can I see the anime? [x]

- Analysis in general (both mine and reblogged), with a sub-category for character analysis [mobile links: 1; 2] 

- My Meta Posts (more detailed posts that are either analysis explaining some headcanons of mine and supporting them with canon evidence, comments on canon facts, theories, character analysis or other longer posts concerning Hetalia. Some are comments in reblogs). List of my original ones:

Theory: The role of a personification [x]

Theory: How illnesses affect nations and the role of individual variability [x]

Theory: How ageing works for personifications [x]

Analysis: Canada’s characterization [x]

Reasons Canada is an overall positive character [x]

Analysis: Is Canada a pushover? [x]

Theory: Origins of Canada’s insecurities [x]

Theory: Kumajiro’s nature [x]

FACE family characterization overview [x] [x]

Analysis: Overview of America and Canada’s relationship [x]

Timeline of America and Canada’s childhood (to correct the widespread fanon misconception that Canada got to experience a long childhood while America didn’t) and why America may be, in part, envious of Canada [x]

Theory: why I think Canada is younger than America [x] [x] [x] (I actually have an entire tag about this)

Why I think Canada isn’t as strong as America (and clearing out other misconceptions) [x]

Fly, Canada-san, Fly!: An analysis of Canada’s reaction to America wielding that chainsaw. [x]

Canadian provinces and territories and their personifications (or lack thereof) [x] (short answer)

Were there two different personifications for Upper Canada and Lower Canada? [x] [continued: x] (spoiler: I don’t think so)

Analysis: a brief overview of France’s open displays of affection, his relationship with Jeanne and his own past, and his hidden depths. [x]

Parental figure or big brother? Canon vs fanon regarding England’s and France’s relationship with America and Canada [x]

Brief Overview: Origins of America’s fear of isolations vs Canada’s apparent lack of the same [x]

Brief Overview: The Slavic siblings [x]

Canada and Lithuania: Brief analysis of the differences in their similar personalities and struggles [x]

Canada and Romano: Differences in their self-esteem issues and how they could mutually benefit from a friendship [x] (no canon evidence here, but a speculation based on their canon personalities)

Common errors in the naming of Nyo!Italy and Nyo!Romano and more accurate alternatives [x]

Mistakes in the transliteration from katakana of some canon names [x]

- Headcanons: This general tag includes all the headcanons, both mine and those I reblog and consequently agree with. Sub-tags include:

Hetalia human names (in general, original and reblogged posts about the naming of Hetalia characters, not only name lists but also more accurate explanations)

General Headcanons (or, headcanons about the general working of the hetalia-verse)

- My headcanons (which, by the way, can all be considered valid for my stories, in case anybody’s interested.) There were too many links for a single post, but you can find a more detailed navigation page (divided per character and such) here: [x] [mobile].    Some particularly relevant posts (that are a mixture of headcanons and theories/analysis based on canon facts) and other tags:

Some lore about nationhood [x]

On America and Canada’s relationship:  angst [x]; America's protective and possessive side [x] [x]; Pre-revolutionary war age gap [x]; General overview + headcanons [x]

ACE family: whose side would Canada choose [x]

England and Canada’s relationship [x] [x]

France and Canada’s relationship [x] [x] [x]

FACE family overview [x]

FACE family and mental health struggles [x]

Canada and temporary death [x]

How nations approach alcohol/other unhealthy habits (Canada-centric plus general considerations) [x]

America during the Revolutionary War [x]

America’s biggest fear [x]

France’s melodramatic yet mature personality [x]

The matter between Canada and Cuba [x]

Characters info

My names lists [ canon characters | Nyotalia 1; 2 | 2ptalia 1; 2 ]

Incorrect Quotes [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 ]

- AU Headcanons and Fanfiction Scenarios:

Human Toddlers AU [ Australia | England | France | Germany and Prussia | Italian Brothers | NA Brothers ]

High School AU [plus bonus]

High School Staff AU

Jobs in a Human AU

Backstory in a Human AU [ Francis | Matthew ]

Alternate History [ War Plan Red | America winning the war of 1812 ]

Pottertalia AU [ sorting | Jones-Williams family | Kirkland Family ]

Dreams [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 ]

Frozen AU

Cinderella AU (mostly inspired by the 2015 movie) [ 1 | 2 ]

Miraculous Ladybug AU

NA Brothers Knights AU [ tag | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 ]

The Sword in the Stone AU [x]

- My writing: all my fanfictions posted chapter-by-chapter. There is also a general list with the links to each chapter and the other sites I post them in here. 

- Fanfiction recommendations: To try and give as much support as I can to fanfiction authors, anytime I read a completed fic I enjoy I’ll reblog it or post a link with the summary on this blog. (note: I’m extremely picky, and these fics will most likely be Canada-centric and gen.) You’re welcome to have a look, they’re all wonderful stories and I recommend every single one of them! The only thing I ask you is to leave the author some kind of feedback if you enjoy the story, even simply clicking the kudos button or writing a quick “Lovely story!” (or something of this sort) is a boost for an author :) I also collect all the shorter fics/snippets I reblog under the tag ‘#ficlet’.

[basketcase789]

SHINee World V in Toronto

March 19, 2017

My most memorable moments from the show (with help from @observetheview). These aren’t exactly in chronological order:

We were literally one of the first people into the venue and we ran to the bathroom right away so we wouldn’t be stuck in a huge lineup (there were over 3000 people at the concert apparently)

People were crying shortly after we were let into the venue(?)

Our seats were really good! We were freaking out the further we kept moving forward to find our row

Before the show started Tell Me What to Do and Like a Fire played in the background and security ladies/staff danced along

It looked like everyone in the audience had glowsticks/lightsticks

The first VCR before they came on stage didn’t work at first, and staff had to restart it at least 3 times. The audio was working but the video kept cutting out :/

The VCR itself was kinda weird, there were magic portals and a screaming white witch who “woke up” shinee by sticking pointy things in their ears(?)

Everyone sat down during the VCRs but stood when shinee was performing

I didn’t know their opening song I know I feel horrible but it was lit and after that I think they performed Juliette?

During Juliette, Key had an awesome dance solo!

Sherlock was lit af

Their backup dancers did a solo after Sherlock ended, they basically did a continuation of the song while shinee had a breather/outfit change

Shinee commented that we seemed to really like Lucifer the best/we were the loudest during Lucifer up til that point

Lucifer was a remix version

Other songs that were lit/audience was loudest during were Why So Serious, View, Ring Ding Dong, Everybody, Dream Girl

During Dream Girl they had light up mic stands :O

They said they were surprised we were so “passionate”

Onew said he got a lot of energy from us

Key told us to sing along to the English parts in their songs

Key did most of the talking but the others spoke a lot too

Except for Taemin he was so shy/quiet xD They had to encourage him to talk

They all spoke in both English and Korean, they really put a lot of effort into speaking English for us

Key spoke to us mostly in English and said he forgot they had a translator

Key was a bit self-conscious about his English, he apologized and admitted he had jet lag and couldn’t seem to say what he wanted to say at times/was struggling with English

At one point the camera on the big screen did a close up on Key’s face and I realized just how gorgeous he is in person

Audio equipment malfunctioned during Prism and they tried to sing without music for a bit before stopping and starting again (fans tried to sing along too). They were really professional about it

Replay had mic problems?

They said they would “try harder to work with the staff for a better show” and they apologized so much for the technical difficulties, especially Onew and Jonghyun during one of their ments

They’re all total sweethearts tbh they just made me love them even more

Minho, Key and Onew went to Niagara Falls! Onew said he liked it and was really in awe of it

(?) Minho and Key went to the CN Tower but Minho couldn’t go up (?)

Taemin did a dance solo for Sayonara Hitori (the Korean version I believe) and he was wearing a jacket(?) but with no shirt underneath we were close enough to see his nip nops

Taemin abs

Key and Minho left to get changed while Onew, Jonghyun and Taemin had their ment, then they switched

Onew said when he thinks of Canada he thinks of the cold lol

“But it’s not cold in here!” *audience cheering*

Jonghyun said there were a lot of beautiful people here. And he added that there were also really handsome people too

He also pointed out that we really liked Taemin’s solo performance and Taemin got kinda shy

I made eye contact with Taemin!!?? during one of the ments. I looked away quickly because I was too shy :S what are we

When Key returned to the stage after his outfit change he lurked in the background for a bit

He talked about his Instagram

“I can’t turn on whenever I want” (?)

He tried to correct himself by rephrasing but made it worse xD He was so cute tbh and Minho laughed when he was digging his own grave

The translator did a really good job and everyone was quiet enough when she talked that we could actually hear her

Toward the end of a ment Key asked the others (in English) if they wanted to do their next song, and Onew said yes. Key told him (in English) that he can’t say yes to everything he says, and Onew replied with another yes he was adorable

The audience after Everybody tho?? It was the part of the concert where we were loudest/cheered the longest I think. It’s a really hard choreo and the boys did such a good job they really deserved all the applause

There was a costume change where they all wore denim and plaid

My heart fluttered when Jonghyun came out in his bluish silk shirt

Key wore sparkly gold pants at one point

Staff asked us to put our fan signs down about halfway through the concert (my batteries were dying anyway but @observetheview was pretty offended since we’d made an effort to be really conscientious of the people around us)

We think Minho and Key saw our signs

They all threw smallish balls into the audience

They performed Odd Eye which we weren’t really expecting but it was a pleasant surprise

Jonghyun and Onew had a duet during their ballad section of the concert

Onew’s smile is seriously contagious. When Onew smiles, you smile

He may have climbed up my bias list a bit

He was smiling most during 1 of 1

They wore suits similar to the ones in the 1 of 1 mv, if not the same ones

They said it was their first full concert here

There was a ‘boyfriend material’ type VCR where Minho laid on a bed and patted beside him for us to join him and then he read a manga

Sweaty sweaty boys!

Minho has big ass hands

They got us to jump along with them during some songs

My wound started to hurt but it was worth it

At one point Key was rummaging around for his mic(?) by his butt (technical difficulties?) He was wearing white pants at the time ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

There was a really funny VCR that was 90s themed and it played Woof Woof. We were all laughing and having fun watching it

They thanked us for calling for encore

When they told us it was their last song we all whined and Minho whined too

They told us they loved us at the end

Key said they’d have to come back more often and do fanmeets in the future and everyone lost their shit myself included

They took a selfie with the audience!

They looked really touched by all the signs everyone held up during An Encore

The confetti cannons went off during An Encore (the one on the right of the stage was a bit delayed)

They took a deep bow at the end

Key looked emotional/like he might have been crying by the end

Minho was the last to leave the stage and was waving to everyone

I have a few short video clips in my “shinee in toronto” tag but they’re kinda shitty because staff was super strict about no pictures/videos and I was too scared to film a lot

[tjmartin45]

Retconciliation Part 2: The Inside Perspective

Hey again!  Before we continue, know that this is Part 2 of my 4 Part series explaining the Retcon Event from the webcomic Homestuck.  If you haven’t read part 1, you can find that here.  Or, if you think you have a pretty solid understanding of the comic and don’t care for unnecessary review, then start here (it’s where it gets interesting anyway).

Firstly, a quick recap:

We’re here to find the logic that governs the Retcon.  As I said earlier, Hussie isn’t a bad storyteller—we can tell this from the first half of Homestuck.  He knows what he’s doing, especially when it comes to following old rules that he set up earlier in the comic.  So, in theory, we can use these rules from the first half of Homestuck plus a few that appear later in the comic to determine the rules and understand the logic behind the retcon event.  

So let’s do that.  

The Inside Perspective

Think back to a point I made near the end of the last part: the kids don’t know everything and we can’t always trust what they’re saying.  This is not to say that we shouldn’t look at what they say at all, but it’s important to remember that the kids are in the middle of the story, too, figuring it out as we do.  If we don’t have everything figured out, with the added ability a third person perspective, it’s hard to expect that they do, especially without somebody like scratch leading them (or misleading them) towards the answers.  However, they are in the middle of the story while we are not, so their unique perspective serves as a great starting point.

To this end, we need to look at John.  He’s the one with the Retcon power, so if we’re gonna figure out how that power works, we need to ask him first.  For this, let’s look at Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1.  There are a few places in this act act intermission where Johns tells us how his powers seem to work from his perspective.  The first is on MSPA page (mpg) 8263:

The first half of this quote isn’t too important, but I’ve included it as it serves as a good, basic description of the Retcon power.  In the second half of the quote, John explains how his powers seem to go outside of the general rules of time travel.  Rather than the normal, “fated” sort of time travel present in the creation of doomed timelines and stable time loops, the Retcon Power seems to simply mess with the timeline in ways John (or anyone, for that matter) shouldn’t be able to.

This weirdness is even clearer with John’s arms and, later, the ink splotches.  These things, sent by John with his Retcon Power, don’t doom timelines and (if you read with the original pictures instead of the Retcon’d ones) don’t fulfill time loops.  They just...change things.  They overwrite things.  From what John says, we can gather that this is not just rule-breaking time travel; it’s something entirely new and different which allows John to go back in time and space and change what was supposed to happen.  

Now, for a counterargument, let’s look at this conversation between John, Dave, and Jade on mpg. 8304:

There’s a lot in here, but let’s focus on one aspect.  Dave’s opinion on John’s powers is that it’s, “time travel genius.”  And to be fair, he isn’t entirely wrong.  To the outside observer, it may look like John was simply granted the power of time travel and is currently fucking it up big time.  And, if we look at the long game, John does make one massive doomed timeline which culminates in [S] Game Over.  How can we account for this if John’s power isn’t supposed to make doomed timelines?  

So the question stands: who’s more right—John or Dave?

To figure this out, let’s look at both of these theories in detail and see if they work.  To start, let’s make a basic compilation of the rules that John gives us.  The following is called

The Overwriting Theory.

In the overwriting theory, all of John’s jumps rewrite the timeline, like rewriting a DVD-R or a VHS.  At first, A, but then, after John comes, B.  No split timelines, no doomed timelines.  Just one thing, then the next.

This theory, when put against John’s many arms, works.  First, the arms weren’t there, then they were.  But there’s a huge problem with this theory that many people point out: it doesn’t make sense.  Firstly, the overwritten theory assumes that when a timeline is re-written; what happened before is gone, period.  However, this is not true for the arm pictures.  All of the original pictures exist on the MSPA website.  Take the following picture for example, which lives at this URL: http://cdn.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/00331retcon.gif

Now, take out the word retcon and you get the original picture, still on the site at this URL: http://cdn.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/00331.gif:

NO ARM—the original gif from the comic.  This is true for all of the retcon pictures.  They all still exist.  But that’s not really proof.  

This is.

Remember that conversation with Dave, Jade, and John on LOHAC in A6A6I1?  That’s a very weird moment. As you may remember, we see this moment four times.  The first (mpg 8283), lets us see how it’s “supposed” to go.  Current John (CJ) appears, Future John (FJ) pushes him away, and the conversation continues as it’s supposed to.  A few pages later, we see it again (mpg 8302), when FJ does not appear.  This causes CJ to fuck the scene up and have the conversation we see above.  Soon after, we see it a third time (mpg 8317), but this time from the Johns’ point of view.  They hop…somewhere before CJ moves to a conversation between Jane and Jake and FJ moves to begin what really is the main part Retcon Event (which is also the fourth and final time we see this scene, on mpg 9041).  

But if we apply the overwriting theory to this situation, it doesn’t make sense.  

First, let’s look at the Retcon Time Loop.  CJ is pushed away by FJ who knew to push himself away because he did so earlier.  Easy-peasy.  But wait—what about the Single John (SJ) from mpg 8302?  Well, one answer is that SJ is the first chronologically from John’s point of view and later comes back to overwrite the scene and create the Retcon Time Loop.  That could make sense, but then the problem is reconciling the strict overwriting with the number of Johns.  If there’s only one John in this scene (and spoiler: there is, just from different points in time), then CJ away and SJ cannot both exist under the Overwriting theory.  

As the chart above shows, if SJ goes back and overwrites his experience to allow the conversation between Jade and Dave to unfold as it’s supposed to, then everything seems to work out (thereby making SJ and FJ the same John).  However, the John that is interrupted later becomes the John that interrupts (CJ becomes FJ). SJ and CJ cannot both become FJ if SJ and CJ are different Johns; either SJ can go back and fulfill the time loop or CJ can go back and fulfill it under this theory.  

Ok, but what if we assume that under the Overwriting Theory, when the scene is overwritten with the time loop, Paradox Space corrects the resulting paradox by overwriting SJ completely with CJ magically filling in and becoming FJ instead?  Well, besides the fact that this makes no sense and has no real precedent in the comic (minus maybe Doomed Rose merging with Alpha Rose’s memories, though that’s still pretty different), it’s also proven wrong by the order in which we see the scenes; we see the “real” one first, the one with the Retcon Time Loop.  

Now, this could just be Hussie showing us things out of order, but I don’t think so.  By seeing the Retcon Time Loop first, we know that its creation did not overwrite the single John.  If one didn’t overwrite the other, then they both exist together.

Now, this could be fine if we assume that the single John is just doomed.  Except he’s not; all the Johns are the same John.  We know this because of the way FJ remembers to push CJ out of the way.  While you can assume that FJ remembered being pushed out of the way and therefore pushes CJ out of the way and it’s possible to assume that FJ knows CJ shouldn’t be in that moment because he told himself that earlier, John’s comment immediately after sending CJ away disproves this.  His comment wasn’t “I wonder why I wasn’t supposed to be there back then,” or “I’m glad I fulfilled that time loop,” but was, “wow, I can’t believe how naive I was...”

Naive? Naive about what?  

Naive about his actions having consequences.  FJ remembers how his act of simply being there in that moment derailed the conversation for the worse.  So when he sees himself (CJ) in that moment about to derail the conversation, he pushes his past self out of the way.  This motive shows that FJ had to have had the memory of SJ while the events in the story show that he had the path of CJ.  Therefore, they are all the same John.

And with that, we’ve disproved John’s theory.  This shouldn’t be too shocking, however—most of the fandom pointed out how looking at the power with that perspective created blatant rule breaking.  

So now, let’s check out Dave’s theory.  This theory is called the 

Time Travel Theory

or the John of Time Theory or the RetCon Heirror Correction Theory.

...I’m not very good at names.

We’ve already talked a lot about the rules that govern time travel, so we won’t bother doing that again and instead just hop right in.

This theory assumes that John’s power is just time travel.  Nothing more, nothing less.  This means that John cannot, in fact, change things and, when he does, he’s just creating a doomed timeline and is dooming himself.  When we take this theory and put it up to the John-Dave-Jade scenario we were looking at earlier, it assumes that the Stable Retcon Time Loop is a part of the Alpha Timeline and the Single John is a part of a Doomed Timeline.  But, actually, in going back and revising the last section to help it make more sense, I’ve already disproven this theory: the SJ isn’t doomed, he has to be a part of the whole continuum.  Furthermore, if we accept that these are all the same John, then they are all Alpha Johns.  And, under this theory, they, therefore, must all exist in the Alpha Timeline.  But, both of these moments cannot simultaneously exist in the Alpha Timeline or any one timeline for that matter, and therefore the theory is proven false.

Having proven both John and Dave’s theory wrong, there’s one more thing we can do before I let this part close: we combine the good parts of John’s theory with the good parts of Dave’s theory.  What we get is what I call 

The Double Inevitability Theory.

This theory rests on the difference between normal time travel and John’s Power: normal time travel is a tool which allows for the requirements of the Alpha Timeline to be fulfilled while John’s power changes what those requirements are supposed to be.  His power, in other words, changes what is inevitably supposed to happen from what it originally was to something new.  

This is probably the biggest rule break we’ve seen so far.  As the comic shows time and time again, everything is inevitable from the creation of an Alpha Timeline to the creation and ultimate destruction of Doomed Timelines.  However, John bypasses that inevitability by getting “unstuck” and changing what’s inevitable, which is outside everything we’ve seen in the past.  But not really.

This theory says that while John does change what is inevitably supposed to happen, he doesn’t really change it because he was always inevitably supposed to change it to that new thing.  Let me explain:

If we take the most literal meaning of the rule above, then it follows that all of John’s changes are also inevitable.  We can see proof of this in the comic: while his changes doom the timeline, it does lead to the creation of the ultimate Alpha Timeline which does result, finally, in the new universe we’ve all been waiting for since Act 5.  If we assume that John’s changes are inevitable, this also creates a new sense of double inevitability—a low inevitability and a high inevitability.  On the low inevitability side goes most of the comic, which inevitably happens in order to inevitably create the high inevitability (John’s inevitable retcon changes) that go on top of it (inevitable stopped sounding like a word for me two inevitabilities ago, by the way).

Now, this does make some sense as it shows the progression through the comic in a logical way.  And, in fact (as we’ll see soon), it’s not too far off from the final answer.  But it has one major problem: it’s stupid!!  If there IS a higher level of inevitability that overwrites a lower level of inevitability, then the lower level that caused the higher level to exist would then itself cease to exist, canceling the higher level which in turn allows the lower level to exist again and recreates the upper level—it’s a paradox, and in Homestuck, paradoxes break the rules and can’t exist in the alpha timeline.  So sadly, the Double Inevitability Theory is also false.

So there we are; even the third, made up theory failed to hold up to scrutiny.  But we still have so many question and no answers!  Like, John is always the Alpha John, and that’s great, but what does that mean for the people that he passes by?  The Dave and Jade that SJ interrupted—what happens to them?  And, more importantly, how can the SJ scene exist at the same time as the Retcon Time Loop scene does without overwriting one or the other?  And if overwriting isn’t the answer, then how can the arms and the splotches exist?  What explains them?

We’ve shown that John can’t be overwriting past events and that he definitely isn’t following the normal rules of time travel, but now we’re left with more questions than we had originally.

So here we are, back to square one.  Maybe even square zero, since all we’ve managed to prove is that the comic has broken all the rules that it has given us since the beginning.  

Now what?  

For the next part, which answers many of these questions and explains the final, true theory behind the Retcon (at least through what I’ve found), click HERE.

Thank you to @dothemusicything for his wonderfully, punny title for the RetCon Heirror Correction Theory.  To be honest, neither of us are good at titles, but thank God he’s significantly better at puns than I am! 

If you’d like to go back or skip ahead to Part 4 (for some reason), click here for the Masterpost.

Do you like music?  Do you like podcasts?  Do you like music podcasts in which at least half of the content has nothing to do with music?  If so, you can find the podcast I do with my brother, the Song Exchange, HERE!  We think it’s pretty ok, and you should check it out!

*both gifs and text boxes featured above from the MSPA website are property of Andrew Hussie and I claim no ownership of them*

Thanks for reading!!

[iphoneartgirl]

Confession Time...

I have fallen way behind here documenting publications of my images in other venues besides this blog since the first of this year, 2017. 

I’ve developed some malaise I’m calling “Facebook Fatigue” but it’s not just about Facebook. It’s tied to my participation strategies in FB, IG, Flickr, P1xels, here in Tumblr, and everywhere else I’ve been sharing mobile art/photography and commenting on others’ work for the last five years. 

I simply haven’t been able to muster the time/energy needed to keep up my initial learning/engagement and documentation strategies. 

Partly, I’m shifting priorities, including more human beings in my actual real-world daily life. It’s amazing how much time PEOPLE take up in the life of an artist. (;^)

Partly, the election of Donald Trump and the steady assault on the social safety net by the monsters now controlling the US Congress have drained and frightened me - mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Partly, I completely redesigned this blog and The Joy of iPhoneography and my more formal portfolio site at TheiPhoneArtGirl.com, including updating the text on all the back pages. Whew!

Partly, I made an exciting print sale (to the Harvard Medical School) and have been working with my favorite printers (and polishing up my framing skills) to get the work produced to my specifications and delivered across the country. 

Partly, I have been framing prints I already have on hand for display during April and May in Medford, Oregon at Art Du Jour. Alongside the joy, this is also a lot of work!

Partly, I notice I’m becoming more deeply absorbed in my own creative process (which is not the same as the documentation of that process). And, as this has gone on, I have found myself increasingly irritated by the thought that I have to continue to track what’s going on in my creative process on a daily basis, in strict chronological order.

It’s this last part that has me most curious. 

Shifting the way I support myself in what has become a six-year, free-form exploration of my life using my iPhone and Pad scares me. It also excites me. 

At 66, changing habits that work can be foolish. On the other hand, doing things strictly out of habit can put one to sleep, mentally and physically as well as creatively.

So...I’ve kind of let go of my vigilance about posting daily when my work is reshared or honored in other venues online. I’m still tracking it on a spreadsheet, and I’m still posting finished edits of new work here. But I’m doing those things straight from my iPhone. 

Questions continue to plague me, though: What will happen to my work if I shift my process with this blog? Will I lose my mind? Will I lose momentum, creatively? Will I forget what I’ve done? Will friends stop loving me? Will I fall off the edge of the Earth...? 

Apparently not.  

Nevertheless, things are certainly shifting inside me. And I can tell I need to pay attention to the differences, and accommodate them, even at the expense of the comfort I’ve developed with stable, predictable habits.

I WILL continue to track others’ publications of the work here. I WILL continue to participate in social media in the global mobile community, using this Tumblr and Facebook and IG and Flickr and P1xels. But I may well do things differently this year.

Time will tell... 

For now, I guess I’m going to dump an avalanche of back-dated events in here over the next 24 hours. 

Please forgive me, if that confuses any of you who are following my day-by-day journey. 

[lauramalchowblog]

Keto Q&A: Diving Into Keto For Life

We didn’t set out with the intention, but somehow it happened. Keto For Life was assigned a release date of New Year’s Eve—tomorrow, in fact. While there’s never a wrong day to go keto, my writing partner, Brad Kearns, and I felt like the stars aligned. Just when countless people are taking stock at the turn of new decade, wondering what might be possible in their lives, this message would be there. And while a lot of books will be there, too, with promises of weight loss and fitness and wellness, I have to say (biased as I may be) that Keto For Life offers something unique and sustainable among the typical cacophony of health tracts.

While I’ve shared its premise and outline on the blog, today I’m taking up some questions readers have shot my way over the last few weeks. What does it cover that other books haven’t? Does it offer a new take on longevity? How do other principles come into play beyond diet? I’m covering all that and more.

How does Keto For Life differ from The Keto Reset Diet?

Since the start of Mark’s Daily Apple, my core purpose has been to present a counter-argument against flawed and dated conventional wisdom. On the blog here and in my books beginning with The Primal Blueprint in 2009, I’ve focused on presenting the scientific rationale and practical steps for how to escape carbohydrate dependency and become fat- and (more recently) keto-adapted. I’ve made the case for rejecting the “struggle and suffer “ethos of chronic cardio in favor of a Primal approach emphasizing comfortable paced movement and aerobic workouts, lifting heavy things, and sprinting once in a while. And, finally, I’ve emphasized the non-negotiable importance of complementary lifestyle behaviors like getting enough sleep, sun, and play.

All of us in the ancestral health space have been heartened to see how far we’ve come in the past decade. Many ancestral health principles have been widely validated by science and accepted into mainstream culture in a relatively short amount of time. Back in 2009, it was hard to find someone who had any awareness of Primal/paleo/low-carb eating (including major New York publishers—that’s why I had to start Primal Blueprint Publishing!). Today, it’s a different ball game. The movement’s growth over the past decade has allowed discussion to refine and advance. Without the need to push just the basic premise, there’s been more momentum around deeper, more productive levels of personal customization. The keto and carnivore diets are examples of these ancestral offshoots.

The Keto Reset Diet was one of the first comprehensive books published on the subject, but it’s primarily a diet book—how to proceed in a comfortable step-by-step manner to embrace the ketogenic diet without the risk of backslide and burnout that comes with an ill-advised approach. It does cover the complementary exercise, sleep, and stress management practices that support your dietary goals, but the central focus is on introducing the ketogenic diet to the masses.

Keto For Life picks up where The Keto Reset Diet left off by having you leverage the metabolic flexibility you attain from keto efforts and applying it to the ultimate goals of living long and living awesome. In particular, it integrates the critical components of mindfulness, social wellness and emotional well-being for enhancing longevity and enjoying a fulfilling life. It moves beyond the core ancestral health message of “mechanics”—mechanics of eating the right foods, of doing the right workouts, of quantifying everything and checking every box…but with that potential big void of “Are we having fun yet?” Keto For Life leads with life. The focus is squarely on the good, long life we all hope to achieve.

What Does Keto For Life have to say about longevity?

We played around with using the term “longevity” in the title, but who cares about longevity by itself? Today, most people can make it to the average U.S. life expectancy of 79, but too many limp to that finish line, having endured decades of pain, suffering and limitation. The United States ranks 26th out of 35 economically advanced nations in life expectancy, a pathetic showing for the richest and most medically advanced nation in the history of humanity. In Keto For Life, we tackle the goal of healthspan, which conveys both living long and living awesome. Healthspan entails not just checking all the boxes of healthy foods, exercise output and sleep hours; it also means having fun and finding fulfillment along the way. With the Four Pillars of Keto Longevity, we incorporate healthy eating, movement and physical fitness with the concepts of Mental Flexibility and the often-overlooked pillar of Rest and Recovery.

How does compressed morbidity fit in here?

Compressed morbidity describes being healthy, strong and cognitively sharp for as long as possible. Then, by the time the natural inevitabilities of chronological aging come into play, the end is quick and peaceful. Brad’s father Dr. Walter Kearns was a stellar example of this concept. He passed in May of 2019 at the age of 97. Ninety-five of his years were characterized by exceptional mental and physical function. A champion golfer for his entire life, Walter shot below his age over 1,2000 times, including shooting an even par 71 at age 87 and a 76 at the age of 92. Walter was a general surgeon who continued to serve as a physician for decades after closing his private practice. He worked for the Indian Health Service into his late 70s, and volunteered at a weekly diabetes clinic until he was 95. In his final two years, Walter’s cognitive and physical performance started to decline. His golf outings went from 18 holes for money to casual 9-hole outings, and eventually to hitting chip shots in the backyard. He started to take longer naps, eat less food, have longer nights of sleep and shorter walks at the park. Soon, the day came for him to pass peacefully at home, with none of the drama, suffering, or family fatigue of someone paying the price for decades of adverse lifestyle practices with chronic disease patterns.

Going for compressed morbidity is about keeping muscle mass on your body (promoting a concept called organ reserve I’ve discussed at length in The Primal Blueprint and on the blog) as well as your brain! In a pattern that appears often in the book, the Four Pillars are complementary here. Eating an ancestral-style diet in general and making a devoted effort to become keto-adapted (even if you don’t stay in strict keto over the long-term) strongly supports cognitive function. You may have heard the disturbing new nickname for the assorted cognitive decline conditions that are growing at epidemic rates: Type 3 Diabetes. This term was coined by noted researcher Dr. Suzanne de la Monte of Brown University, conveying how cognitive decline is marked by dysfunctional glucose metabolism in the brain. As de la Monte explains, cognitive disease “has molecular and biochemical features that overlap with both type 1 and type 2 diabetes.”

We hear sound bites about doing Sudoku to ward off dementia, but I go far deeper in this book. Extensive research shows us how a vibrant social network, a strong sense of purpose, and a positive self-perception about aging drive healthy cognitive function and extended lifespan. One longitudinal study from Yale tracked a group of 50+ people in Ohio for two decades, revealing an amazing result: Those with a positive self-perception about aging lived 7.5 years longer than those with negative self-perceptions about aging! This tidbit earned distinction as the lowest hanging fruit in the entire book to quickly add years to your life. The longevity champs in Okinawa also get recognition here for their emphasis on yuimaru, a deep sense of social obligation to family, friends, and neighbors. One of the most revealing longevity stats you will ever find is that Okinawan’s who leave the island live 20 years less than those who spend their entire lives on the island.

What’s the #1 quick takeaway from the Mental Flexibility pillar?

“Pivot.” Is that quick enough for you? Thanks for asking. Next question.

Pivot—really?

I can’t think of a more powerful word to convey the secret to experiencing a life filled with happiness, contentment, purpose, and meaning. I credit the ability to pivot as the key to my entrepreneurial success, and also to my ability to sustain a respectable level of work-life balance. As I shared in my introductory post about the book, pivoting describes being able to go with the flow when facing life change. Pivoting is accepting failure and setbacks with grace and resilience instead of allowing bad stuff to bury you. Pivoting is also knowing when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. It’s impossible to be perfect here, but at least you can be honest with yourself. I share my own experiences of failing but embracing of this strategy in the book.

Pivoting into discomfort by being more honest, more vulnerable, less reactive, and less predictable can be the foundation of emotional resilience as well as solid relationships. Gratitude helps a great deal here. If you can start from a place of appreciation for your current circumstances and connections, whatever they are (if you’re reading this it could be worse, right?), you’re ahead of the game.

Whether you’re new to the Primal scene or you have a stack of well-read books on your shelf, I think you’ll find that Keto For Life breaks new ground and offers the most holistic and actionable resource for creating greater vitality and a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life. The official release date is tomorrow, December 31st, and I’m still offering up a preorder incentive of premium bonuses. Learn more and order through your favorite retailer HERE.

Thanks for reading, everyone. I’m thrilled to begin a new decade with you all this week. See you on the other side of it tomorrow.

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[jesseneufeld]

Keto Q&A: Diving Into Keto For Life

We didn’t set out with the intention, but somehow it happened. Keto For Life was assigned a release date of New Year’s Eve—tomorrow, in fact. While there’s never a wrong day to go keto, my writing partner, Brad Kearns, and I felt like the stars aligned. Just when countless people are taking stock at the turn of new decade, wondering what might be possible in their lives, this message would be there. And while a lot of books will be there, too, with promises of weight loss and fitness and wellness, I have to say (biased as I may be) that Keto For Life offers something unique and sustainable among the typical cacophony of health tracts.

While I’ve shared its premise and outline on the blog, today I’m taking up some questions readers have shot my way over the last few weeks. What does it cover that other books haven’t? Does it offer a new take on longevity? How do other principles come into play beyond diet? I’m covering all that and more.

How does Keto For Life differ from The Keto Reset Diet?

Since the start of Mark’s Daily Apple, my core purpose has been to present a counter-argument against flawed and dated conventional wisdom. On the blog here and in my books beginning with The Primal Blueprint in 2009, I’ve focused on presenting the scientific rationale and practical steps for how to escape carbohydrate dependency and become fat- and (more recently) keto-adapted. I’ve made the case for rejecting the “struggle and suffer “ethos of chronic cardio in favor of a Primal approach emphasizing comfortable paced movement and aerobic workouts, lifting heavy things, and sprinting once in a while. And, finally, I’ve emphasized the non-negotiable importance of complementary lifestyle behaviors like getting enough sleep, sun, and play.

All of us in the ancestral health space have been heartened to see how far we’ve come in the past decade. Many ancestral health principles have been widely validated by science and accepted into mainstream culture in a relatively short amount of time. Back in 2009, it was hard to find someone who had any awareness of Primal/paleo/low-carb eating (including major New York publishers—that’s why I had to start Primal Blueprint Publishing!). Today, it’s a different ball game. The movement’s growth over the past decade has allowed discussion to refine and advance. Without the need to push just the basic premise, there’s been more momentum around deeper, more productive levels of personal customization. The keto and carnivore diets are examples of these ancestral offshoots.

The Keto Reset Diet was one of the first comprehensive books published on the subject, but it’s primarily a diet book—how to proceed in a comfortable step-by-step manner to embrace the ketogenic diet without the risk of backslide and burnout that comes with an ill-advised approach. It does cover the complementary exercise, sleep, and stress management practices that support your dietary goals, but the central focus is on introducing the ketogenic diet to the masses.

Keto For Life picks up where The Keto Reset Diet left off by having you leverage the metabolic flexibility you attain from keto efforts and applying it to the ultimate goals of living long and living awesome. In particular, it integrates the critical components of mindfulness, social wellness and emotional well-being for enhancing longevity and enjoying a fulfilling life. It moves beyond the core ancestral health message of “mechanics”—mechanics of eating the right foods, of doing the right workouts, of quantifying everything and checking every box…but with that potential big void of “Are we having fun yet?” Keto For Life leads with life. The focus is squarely on the good, long life we all hope to achieve.

What Does Keto For Life have to say about longevity?

We played around with using the term “longevity” in the title, but who cares about longevity by itself? Today, most people can make it to the average U.S. life expectancy of 79, but too many limp to that finish line, having endured decades of pain, suffering and limitation. The United States ranks 26th out of 35 economically advanced nations in life expectancy, a pathetic showing for the richest and most medically advanced nation in the history of humanity. In Keto For Life, we tackle the goal of healthspan, which conveys both living long and living awesome. Healthspan entails not just checking all the boxes of healthy foods, exercise output and sleep hours; it also means having fun and finding fulfillment along the way. With the Four Pillars of Keto Longevity, we incorporate healthy eating, movement and physical fitness with the concepts of Mental Flexibility and the often-overlooked pillar of Rest and Recovery.

How does compressed morbidity fit in here?

Compressed morbidity describes being healthy, strong and cognitively sharp for as long as possible. Then, by the time the natural inevitabilities of chronological aging come into play, the end is quick and peaceful. Brad’s father Dr. Walter Kearns was a stellar example of this concept. He passed in May of 2019 at the age of 97. Ninety-five of his years were characterized by exceptional mental and physical function. A champion golfer for his entire life, Walter shot below his age over 1,2000 times, including shooting an even par 71 at age 87 and a 76 at the age of 92. Walter was a general surgeon who continued to serve as a physician for decades after closing his private practice. He worked for the Indian Health Service into his late 70s, and volunteered at a weekly diabetes clinic until he was 95. In his final two years, Walter’s cognitive and physical performance started to decline. His golf outings went from 18 holes for money to casual 9-hole outings, and eventually to hitting chip shots in the backyard. He started to take longer naps, eat less food, have longer nights of sleep and shorter walks at the park. Soon, the day came for him to pass peacefully at home, with none of the drama, suffering, or family fatigue of someone paying the price for decades of adverse lifestyle practices with chronic disease patterns.

Going for compressed morbidity is about keeping muscle mass on your body (promoting a concept called organ reserve I’ve discussed at length in The Primal Blueprint and on the blog) as well as your brain! In a pattern that appears often in the book, the Four Pillars are complementary here. Eating an ancestral-style diet in general and making a devoted effort to become keto-adapted (even if you don’t stay in strict keto over the long-term) strongly supports cognitive function. You may have heard the disturbing new nickname for the assorted cognitive decline conditions that are growing at epidemic rates: Type 3 Diabetes. This term was coined by noted researcher Dr. Suzanne de la Monte of Brown University, conveying how cognitive decline is marked by dysfunctional glucose metabolism in the brain. As de la Monte explains, cognitive disease “has molecular and biochemical features that overlap with both type 1 and type 2 diabetes.”

We hear sound bites about doing Sudoku to ward off dementia, but I go far deeper in this book. Extensive research shows us how a vibrant social network, a strong sense of purpose, and a positive self-perception about aging drive healthy cognitive function and extended lifespan. One longitudinal study from Yale tracked a group of 50+ people in Ohio for two decades, revealing an amazing result: Those with a positive self-perception about aging lived 7.5 years longer than those with negative self-perceptions about aging! This tidbit earned distinction as the lowest hanging fruit in the entire book to quickly add years to your life. The longevity champs in Okinawa also get recognition here for their emphasis on yuimaru, a deep sense of social obligation to family, friends, and neighbors. One of the most revealing longevity stats you will ever find is that Okinawan’s who leave the island live 20 years less than those who spend their entire lives on the island.

What’s the #1 quick takeaway from the Mental Flexibility pillar?

“Pivot.” Is that quick enough for you? Thanks for asking. Next question.

Pivot—really?

I can’t think of a more powerful word to convey the secret to experiencing a life filled with happiness, contentment, purpose, and meaning. I credit the ability to pivot as the key to my entrepreneurial success, and also to my ability to sustain a respectable level of work-life balance. As I shared in my introductory post about the book, pivoting describes being able to go with the flow when facing life change. Pivoting is accepting failure and setbacks with grace and resilience instead of allowing bad stuff to bury you. Pivoting is also knowing when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. It’s impossible to be perfect here, but at least you can be honest with yourself. I share my own experiences of failing but embracing of this strategy in the book.

Pivoting into discomfort by being more honest, more vulnerable, less reactive, and less predictable can be the foundation of emotional resilience as well as solid relationships. Gratitude helps a great deal here. If you can start from a place of appreciation for your current circumstances and connections, whatever they are (if you’re reading this it could be worse, right?), you’re ahead of the game.

Whether you’re new to the Primal scene or you have a stack of well-read books on your shelf, I think you’ll find that Keto For Life breaks new ground and offers the most holistic and actionable resource for creating greater vitality and a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life. The official release date is tomorrow, December 31st, and I’m still offering up a preorder incentive of premium bonuses. Learn more and order through your favorite retailer HERE.

Thanks for reading, everyone. I’m thrilled to begin a new decade with you all this week. See you on the other side of it tomorrow.

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[jellatin-skelly-blog]

The final worthy of the classic trilogy

It is said that "Star Wars: Part V - Empire Strikes Back" is the best sequel in the history of fant movies y and sci-fi, while "Star Wars: Part VI - Return of the Jedi" is considered the best finale of the film trilogy in the history of pop culture, and as above, fantasy and sci-fi. 1983 gives us not only the final accent, from our perspective, the myth, the legend of the dualistic nature of the film contained in the "Return of the Jedi", where, amidst the fantastic cover of the story, colorful, quite expressive characters, the presence of the Force, good ultimately triumphs over evil. This particular, supposedly ordinary, prosaic date bombards the viewer with its very importance, which is the finale of the trilogy of an important film series: "Star Wars" - a milestone for the broadly branched field of pop culture. And this finale is "Star Wars: Part VI - Return of the Jedi". Due to the fact that Star Wars 'Episode VI' was the culmination, even the crowning of the classic 'Star Wars' trilogy, we can confidently say that George Lucas, giving the world a mythical, bustling "Star Wars", created an environment in which love for cinema is creating new dimensions. This new dimension, in the context of Lucas' achievements, especially in the era of pre-digital cinema is not just one movie that I am now deliberating about, but the whole Cinematic Universe "Star Wars" which the California director created, and on which However, the best thing is how the colossal influence on cultural human thought in the sphere of popular culture had "Star wars", how they became its guide, an expressive of the formula well and intuitively pursuing human desires of entertainment combining not only a casual adventure, special effects, but also complex characters and fans of good and evil fighting for the masses of fans, inv augmented by the deep meta-physical influence of the Force, he captures the classic and absolute, an abstract entity who knows everyone: "Star Wars: Part VI - Return of the Jedi". Lucasfilm The basic advantage of "Return of the Jedi", which in the classic trilogy "Star Wars" Lucas is a key element in the construction of the galactic Universe, is shown here the fluidity in arranging the continuation of events in the chronology of "Star Wars" immediately after "Empire counterattacks". Although production begins by looking at the well-known conflict from the perspective of the Empire, a conflict that, as we know, the goal is to decide on the future of the Galaxy; and although in the background, an unfinished Death Star orbits an unfinished Death Star and Darth Vader appears soon, the film begins extremely well, extremely original. The viewer has no time to rest. His perception may fail, he may experience saturation when, at the very beginning, Richard Marquand jumps out with even more powerful than the first Orbital Battle Station. The Empire knows what's at stake, Vader, knows what his master wants. It is necessary to suppress the intentions of the Rebellion, which, like a cancer gnawing the Galaxy, and to bring order that belonged to it from the beginning. We see that the movie is supported by darker, restrictive, cold, but also graphically stable scenes, adapted to the character of the "Empire" As its start, it promises spectators a specific action and a goal that is known from the beginning. Now, after a few shots of unruly droids that traverse the Tatooine desert to ask for something big Jabba; after appearing in the palace of the Jabba Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), hidden behind dark robes and Leia's (Carrie Fisher), the viewer knows the correct context and purpose of the film. The rest will only complement and capture the tastes and hearts of fans with a story. The special effects that appeared in the "Return of the Jedi", as in the 1980s and as for the possibilities of the ILM studio, went so consistently, merging with the plot, dynamics and emotional expressiveness of the film that they exceeded all expectations. The various creations of the creatures that hosted entertainments at Jabba's palace, the battle of the fleets of both sides of the clash over Endor and the second Death Star, or filled with lush greenery and forests, full of the moon-endorsed planet Endor, who lived here, clumsy, mysterious Evocations, created a contrast that could not have been done fancy. They created an amazing atmosphere, enriched this mythical, fantastic, fairy-tale atmosphere, which George Lucas appreciated so much. George Lucas Lucasfilm The great empires finally collapse, good overcomes, and the whole dualistic cycle contained in the films begins again. In the case of Star Wars, there is no such thing. Even the Emperor (Ian McDiarmid), who is tempted to plunge the Galaxy into absolute darkness, not to hold the strict but sound rule of the Empire ...

[theinvinciblenoob]

It was the best of years, it was the worst of years, it was the wokest of years, it was the most problematic of years, it was the year of AI, it was the year of scooters, it was the year of Big Tech triumph, it was the year of Big Tech scandals, it was the year of Musk’s disgrace, it was the year of Tesla’s redemption, it was the year of shitcoin justice, it was definitely not the year of AR or VR, it was the dumbest timeline, it was the spring of stanning, it was the winter of wtf.

It was, in short, a year tailor-made for The Jons, an annual award celebrating tech’s more dubious achievers, named, in an awe-inspiring fit of humility, after myself. So let’s get to it! With very little further ado, I give you: the third annual Jon Awards for Dubious Technical Achievement!

(The Jons 2015) (The Jons 2016) (The Jons 2017)

THE FEET AND LEGS AND TORSO OF CLAY AWARD FOR SUDDEN REGRESSION TO THE MEAN

To Elon Musk, who in the past year went from (in many eyes) “messiah who could do no wrong” to “man who has paid a $20 million fine and stepped down as chairman in order to settle with the SEC regarding allegations of tweeted fraud; been sued for very publicly accusing a stranger of pedophilia with no evidence; feuded with Azealia Banks; been roundly criticized for the conditions in Tesla’s factories; and been pilloried (though also, and to my mind more accurately, tentatively praised) for his new Boring Tunnel.” Don’t have heroes, kids.

THE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THERE ARE ALL THOSE SHINY NEW ELECTRIC CARS AWARD FOR ATTEMPTED DOOMSAYING

Surprisingly, despite the previous award, this one goes to the herds of bears who spent much of the year claiming that Tesla’s imminent doom and bankruptcy would become obvious and indisputable any day now. The roars of the bears seem to have grown much quieter of late, probably because the Model 3’s production rate has rocketed from 1,000 per week at the start of the year to 1,000 per day of late. No mean feat on the part of Tesla employees.

THE YES BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THE RUSSIANS KNOW IT’S DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR BAD OPSEC

To Donald Trump, who apparently continues to use an insecure iPhone which the Chinese and Russians listen in on. The good news? Officials have “confidence he was not spilling secrets because he rarely digs into the details of the intelligence he is shown and is not well versed in the operational specifics of military or covert activities.” Put less diplomatically, the President of the United States doesn’t pay enough attention to briefings to have any important secrets to share. Nothing to worry about there! Trump responded by tweeting a denial, saying he only had a “seldom used government cell phone” … from the iOS Twitter app.

THE YOU MUST ADMIT I WAS AT LEAST RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING DIFFERENT NOW AWARD FOR BUBBLY BITCOIN PREDICTIONS

It’s too easy and obvious to give this award to John McAfee, who I suspect of actually angling for a Jon year after year. And as a believer that cryptocurrencies have long-term importance, I’m not going to award anyone for their less-outlandish-than-McAfee medium-term beliefs. So this award goes to Bitcoin uberbull Tom Lee, who claimed Bitcoin would end the year at $15,000 … in the second half of November. There’s a point you almost have to admire; the point at which hype becomes delusion.

THE SURE BUT IT’S A MORE CONNECTED KIND OF MISERY, EXPLOITATION, AND DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR DESTROYING THE GLOBAL VILLAGE IN ORDER TO SAVE IT

Not to Mark Zuckerberg, actually, whose company has, in its zeal for connecting the world, and its belief that this is always and automatically a good thing, amplified genocide, provided a platform for manipulation and disinformation which may have helped tip the Brexit referendum, and 2016 presidential election (both of which were admittedly so close that there were probably dozens of aspects which “helped tip” them) and is increasingly widely viewed as a significant net negative for the world thanks to its business model of incentivizing “engagement” above all else. He’d be a worthy recipient, but this goes to Sheryl Sandberg, for epitomizing Facebook leadership’s thin-skinned tunnel vision wherein they automatically suspect anyone who criticizes Facebook of having a bad-faith ulterior motive, when she “asked Facebook’s communications staff to research George Soros’s financial interests in the wake of his high-profile attacks on tech companies.”

THE PICK A HORSE ANY HORSE BUT LOOK JUST ONE HORSE AWARD FOR OXYMORONISM IN THE FACE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

To everyone — especially journalists and media executives — who thinks that the big social-media companies are too powerful and that tech companies should exercise more control over the dissemination of public speech, and/or to everyone who says that the big social-media companies shouldn’t ever censor while being perfectly aware that they are already exercising control over the dissemination of public speech via their timeline algorithms. There are many, many copies of this particular award to go around.

(Note that there are at least two intellectually consistent approaches here: one is to be explicitly supportive of social media companies moderating speech; another is to favor non-algorithmic, non-amplifying, non-optimized-for-engagement, strict-chronological feeds)

THE COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE SPECTACULARLY OUT-OF-TOUCH COVEN OF CLUELESS OLD WHITE MEN AWARD FOR REMINDING US THAT SOMETIMES THE CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE

To the members of the United States Congress, both houses, for making Mark Zuckerberg and Sundar Pichai seem cuddly, friendly, wise, warm, human, plugged-in, and in-touch with the common man and woman, by comparison with their unbelievably clueless question. Who can forget “Senator, we sell ads,” and/or “Congressman, iPhone is made by a different company”?

THE STREET FINDS ITS OWN DISUSES FOR THINGS AWARD FOR BOOTLEG URBAN RENEWAL

To Lime, Bird, and the other scooter companies whose products have spent the year being thrown by the dozen into Lake Merritt in the heart of Oakland, presumably with the collective intent of turning that empty water into reclaimed land, just as downtown San Francisco is built on the carcasses of sailing ships from the 49er gold rush.

THE OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ TRONC TRONC TRONC AWARD FOR FINALLY GETTING THAT THE JOKE WAS ON THEM

To Tribune Publishing, until recently known as Tronc, for reminding us of their unbelievably terrible name when they finally — finally! — decided to abandon it in favor of something not risible. A small silver second-place award goes to Oath, the owner of TechCrunch, for thereby rising to the top of the “Worst Media Company Name” rankings.

THE SOMETIMES NOTHING IS A REAL COOL HAND AWARD FOR DOING NOTHING BECAUSE NOTHING WAS NECESSARY

To Twitter, who, when noted far-right wacko Laura Loomer handcuffed herself to Twitter’s NYC building after she was permanently banned by them for hate speech, responded by — brilliantly — doing nothing at all. They did not ask the police to remove her. They did not press charges. They ignored her completely. And Loomer went from “she will not remove the handcuffs until CEO Jack Dorsey reinstates her account” to “After several hours of complaining about the cold, Loomer eventually requested to be removed from the door.”

THE COME ON NOW DON’T BE EVIL WAS A LONG TIME AGO AWARD FOR REDEFINING GOOGLEY

To Google, obviously, for being forced to come to terms with what sure looks from the outside like a culture of pervasive sexual harassment by a massive employee walkout in the same year its plans for a new censorship-friendly China search engine leaked. Look not for the trigram in thy brother’s eye, etc.

THE CENTRAL CASTING MAD SCIENTIST AWARD FOR BRINGING US THE DYSTOPIA WE DESERVE

To He Jiankui, the self-funded doctor who apparently brought us the world’s first two human babies genetically edited via CRISPR, without letting anything like an ethics review board, a well-considered benefit/risk ratio, the pre-existence of well-established less-dangerous ways to achieve the allegedly desired result, or anything else stand in his way. But then, if he had, that wouldn’t really have captured the 2018zeitgeist, would it?

THE WHAT ARE THE NEW RUULES AWARD FOR MAKING NICOTINE MORALLY AMBIGUOUS AGAIN

To Juul, which has made a ridiculous boatload of money and more importantly made a lot of people seem very silly as they moral-panic about vaping as if it is the same as smoking, and others seem just as silly as they moral-panic about that moral panic as if vaping has been guaranteed on stone tablets to have no deleterious side effects at all. Where is the nuanced middle? Ah, let’s not kid ourselves, it’s 2018, no one cares about the nuanced middle any more. Bring on the outrage!

THE LISTEN UP YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER I WAS THE CEO OF A CYBERSECURITY FIRM AND THE PRESIDENT’S CYBERSECURITY ADVISOR I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW AWARD FOR NOT ACTUALLY KNOWING ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO CYBER THE CYBER. CYBER!

To Rudy Giuliani, who really was the CEO of a cybersecurity firm (Cyber!) and really was the president’s cybersecurity advisor (Cyber! Cyber!) and yet, as shown by his bewildering yet hilarious accusations that one of his tweets was sabotaged by Twitter, does not actually understand the Internet at all. Or, we may presume, the cyber. Cyber!

THE LOOK WE’RE ONLY A $30B COMPANY HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THESE LITTLE DETAILS AWARD FOR FORCING PEOPLE TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS NEARBY

To Ericsson, who accidentally disabled phone service for hours for tens of millions of people around the globe because it failed to renew a (presumably TLS) software certificate used by its switching services ahead of its expiry. You can get those for free and automatically these days, btw. Never mind the cyber (Cyber!) attackers; it’s malingering incompetence that will get us all in the end. Speaking of which …

THE WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE IMAGINED THAT SUCH A THING WOULD HAPPEN OR IF IT DID THAT WE WOULD RESPOND TO IT IN ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE WAYS AWARD FOR A REPERTOIRE OF PANICKED FLAILING INEPTITUDE WORTHY OF ARTHUR DENT

To the authorities at Gatwick university, who first shut down one of the busiest airports in Europe for almost a day and a half during the pre-Christmas rush because there were reports of drones seen over its runways; then said they couldn’t possibly shoot down those drones for fear the stray bullets might harm someone; then conceded the possibility that there were no drones at all (though it seems like there probably were); then arrested a couple who turned out to be completely innocent; then reopened the airport with no resolution but that of the installation of an expensive new anti-drone system and the discovery of a single, untraced, damaged drone. This dithering paralysis raises many terrifying questions. I have two in particular. One: the people in charge of Gatwick — again, one of Europe’s biggest and busiest airports — never done any threat modelling / scenario analysis / contingency planning at all? And two: how many minutes-rather-than-hours would this shutdown have lasted if it had happened at a major airport in, say, Texas, before the bullet-ridden carcasses of the drones in question were dragged off the runway? I guess we’ll never know. But it gives me a certain dubious pleasure to bequeath to Gatwick, an airport I have known and disliked for many years, this year’s Jon of Jons.

Congratulations, of a sort, to all the winners of the Jons! All recipients shall receive a bobblehead of myself made up as a Blue Man, as per the image on this post, which will doubtless become coveted and increasingly valuable collectibles. (And needless to say sometime next year they will become redeemable for JonCoin.) And, of course, all winners shall be remembered by posterity forevermore.

1Bobbleheads shall only be distributed if and when available and convenient. The eventual existence of said bobbleheads is not guaranteed or indeed even particularly likely. Not valid on days named after Norse or Roman gods. All rights reserved, especially those rights about which we have reservations.

via TechCrunch

[textbooksolutionsmanuals]

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[williamsjoan]

It’s the Jons 2018!

It was the best of years, it was the worst of years, it was the wokest of years, it was the most problematic of years, it was the year of AI, it was the year of scooters, it was the year of Big Tech triumph, it was the year of Big Tech scandals, it was the year of Musk’s disgrace, it was the year of Tesla’s redemption, it was the year of shitcoin justice, it was definitely not the year of AR or VR, it was the dumbest timeline, it was the spring of stanning, it was the winter of wtf.

It was, in short, a year tailor-made for The Jons, an annual award celebrating tech’s more dubious achievers, named, in an awe-inspiring fit of humility, after myself. So let’s get to it! With very little further ado, I give you: the third annual Jon Awards for Dubious Technical Achievement!

(The Jons 2015) (The Jons 2016) (The Jons 2017)

THE FEET AND LEGS AND TORSO OF CLAY AWARD FOR SUDDEN REGRESSION TO THE MEAN

To Elon Musk, who in the past year went from (in many eyes) “messiah who could do no wrong” to “man who has paid a $20 million fine and stepped down as chairman in order to settle with the SEC regarding allegations of tweeted fraud; been sued for very publicly accusing a stranger of pedophilia with no evidence; feuded with Azealia Banks; been roundly criticized for the conditions in Tesla’s factories; and been pilloried (though also, and to my mind more accurately, tentatively praised) for his new Boring Tunnel.” Don’t have heroes, kids.

THE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND THERE ARE ALL THOSE SHINY NEW ELECTRIC CARS AWARD FOR ATTEMPTED DOOMSAYING

Surprisingly, despite the previous award, this one goes to the herds of bears who spent much of the year claiming that Tesla’s imminent doom and bankruptcy would become obvious and indisputable any day now. The roars of the bears seem to have grown much quieter of late, probably because the Model 3’s production rate has rocketed from 1,000 per week at the start of the year to 1,000 per day of late. No mean feat on the part of Tesla employees.

THE YES BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THE RUSSIANS KNOW IT’S DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR BAD OPSEC

To Donald Trump, who apparently continues to use an insecure iPhone which the Chinese and Russians listen in on. The good news? Officials have “confidence he was not spilling secrets because he rarely digs into the details of the intelligence he is shown and is not well versed in the operational specifics of military or covert activities.” Put less diplomatically, the President of the United States doesn’t pay enough attention to briefings to have any important secrets to share. Nothing to worry about there! Trump responded by tweeting a denial, saying he only had a “seldom used government cell phone” … from the iOS Twitter app.

THE YOU MUST ADMIT I WAS AT LEAST RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING BEING DIFFERENT NOW AWARD FOR BUBBLY BITCOIN PREDICTIONS

It’s too easy and obvious to give this award to John McAfee, who I suspect of actually angling for a Jon year after year. And as a believer that cryptocurrencies have long-term importance, I’m not going to award anyone for their less-outlandish-than-McAfee medium-term beliefs. So this award goes to Bitcoin uberbull Tom Lee, who claimed Bitcoin would end the year at $15,000 … in the second half of November. There’s a point you almost have to admire; the point at which hype becomes delusion.

THE SURE BUT IT’S A MORE CONNECTED KIND OF MISERY, EXPLOITATION, AND DISINFORMATION AWARD FOR DESTROYING THE GLOBAL VILLAGE IN ORDER TO SAVE IT

Not to Mark Zuckerberg, actually, whose company has, in its zeal for connecting the world, and its belief that this is always and automatically a good thing, amplified genocide, provided a platform for manipulation and disinformation which may have helped tip the Brexit referendum, and 2016 presidential election (both of which were admittedly so close that there were probably dozens of aspects which “helped tip” them) and is increasingly widely viewed as a significant net negative for the world thanks to its business model of incentivizing “engagement” above all else. He’d be a worthy recipient, but this goes to Sheryl Sandberg, for epitomizing Facebook leadership’s thin-skinned tunnel vision wherein they automatically suspect anyone who criticizes Facebook of having a bad-faith ulterior motive, when she “asked Facebook’s communications staff to research George Soros’s financial interests in the wake of his high-profile attacks on tech companies.”

THE PICK A HORSE ANY HORSE BUT LOOK JUST ONE HORSE AWARD FOR OXYMORONISM IN THE FACE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

To everyone — especially journalists and media executives — who thinks that the big social-media companies are too powerful and that tech companies should exercise more control over the dissemination of public speech, and/or to everyone who says that the big social-media companies shouldn’t ever censor while being perfectly aware that they are already exercising control over the dissemination of public speech via their timeline algorithms. There are many, many copies of this particular award to go around.

(Note that there are at least two intellectually consistent approaches here: one is to be explicitly supportive of social media companies moderating speech; another is to favor non-algorithmic, non-amplifying, non-optimized-for-engagement, strict-chronological feeds)

THE COMETH THE HOUR, COMETH THE SPECTACULARLY OUT-OF-TOUCH COVEN OF CLUELESS OLD WHITE MEN AWARD FOR REMINDING US THAT SOMETIMES THE CURE IS WORSE THAN THE DISEASE

To the members of the United States Congress, both houses, for making Mark Zuckerberg and Sundar Pichai seem cuddly, friendly, wise, warm, human, plugged-in, and in-touch with the common man and woman, by comparison with their unbelievably clueless question. Who can forget “Senator, we sell ads,” and/or “Congressman, iPhone is made by a different company”?

THE STREET FINDS ITS OWN DISUSES FOR THINGS AWARD FOR BOOTLEG URBAN RENEWAL

To Lime, Bird, and the other scooter companies whose products have spent the year being thrown by the dozen into Lake Merritt in the heart of Oakland, presumably with the collective intent of turning that empty water into reclaimed land, just as downtown San Francisco is built on the carcasses of sailing ships from the 49er gold rush.

THE OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ TRONC TRONC TRONC AWARD FOR FINALLY GETTING THAT THE JOKE WAS ON THEM

To Tribune Publishing, until recently known as Tronc, for reminding us of their unbelievably terrible name when they finally — finally! — decided to abandon it in favor of something not risible. A small silver second-place award goes to Oath, the owner of TechCrunch, for thereby rising to the top of the “Worst Media Company Name” rankings.

THE SOMETIMES NOTHING IS A REAL COOL HAND AWARD FOR DOING NOTHING BECAUSE NOTHING WAS NECESSARY

To Twitter, who, when noted far-right wacko Laura Loomer handcuffed herself to Twitter’s NYC building after she was permanently banned by them for hate speech, responded by — brilliantly — doing nothing at all. They did not ask the police to remove her. They did not press charges. They ignored her completely. And Loomer went from “she will not remove the handcuffs until CEO Jack Dorsey reinstates her account” to “After several hours of complaining about the cold, Loomer eventually requested to be removed from the door.”

THE COME ON NOW DON’T BE EVIL WAS A LONG TIME AGO AWARD FOR REDEFINING GOOGLEY

To Google, obviously, for being forced to come to terms with what sure looks from the outside like a culture of pervasive sexual harassment by a massive employee walkout in the same year its plans for a new censorship-friendly China search engine leaked. Look not for the trigram in thy brother’s eye, etc.

THE CENTRAL CASTING MAD SCIENTIST AWARD FOR BRINGING US THE DYSTOPIA WE DESERVE

To He Jiankui, the self-funded doctor who apparently brought us the world’s first two human babies genetically edited via CRISPR, without letting anything like an ethics review board, a well-considered benefit/risk ratio, the pre-existence of well-established less-dangerous ways to achieve the allegedly desired result, or anything else stand in his way. But then, if he had, that wouldn’t really have captured the 2018zeitgeist, would it?

THE WHAT ARE THE NEW RUULES AWARD FOR MAKING NICOTINE MORALLY AMBIGUOUS AGAIN

To Juul, which has made a ridiculous boatload of money and more importantly made a lot of people seem very silly as they moral-panic about vaping as if it is the same as smoking, and others seem just as silly as they moral-panic about that moral panic as if vaping has been guaranteed on stone tablets to have no deleterious side effects at all. Where is the nuanced middle? Ah, let’s not kid ourselves, it’s 2018, no one cares about the nuanced middle any more. Bring on the outrage!

THE LISTEN UP YOUNG WHIPPERSNAPPER I WAS THE CEO OF A CYBERSECURITY FIRM AND THE PRESIDENT’S CYBERSECURITY ADVISOR I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW AWARD FOR NOT ACTUALLY KNOWING ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO CYBER THE CYBER. CYBER!

To Rudy Giuliani, who really was the CEO of a cybersecurity firm (Cyber!) and really was the president’s cybersecurity advisor (Cyber! Cyber!) and yet, as shown by his bewildering yet hilarious accusations that one of his tweets was sabotaged by Twitter, does not actually understand the Internet at all. Or, we may presume, the cyber. Cyber!

THE LOOK WE’RE ONLY A $30B COMPANY HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THESE LITTLE DETAILS AWARD FOR FORCING PEOPLE TO INTERACT WITH OTHERS NEARBY

To Ericsson, who accidentally disabled phone service for hours for tens of millions of people around the globe because it failed to renew a (presumably TLS) software certificate used by its switching services ahead of its expiry. You can get those for free and automatically these days, btw. Never mind the cyber (Cyber!) attackers; it’s malingering incompetence that will get us all in the end. Speaking of which …

THE WHO COULD POSSIBLY HAVE IMAGINED THAT SUCH A THING WOULD HAPPEN OR IF IT DID THAT WE WOULD RESPOND TO IT IN ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE WAYS AWARD FOR A REPERTOIRE OF PANICKED FLAILING INEPTITUDE WORTHY OF ARTHUR DENT

To the authorities at Gatwick university, who first shut down one of the busiest airports in Europe for almost a day and a half during the pre-Christmas rush because there were reports of drones seen over its runways; then said they couldn’t possibly shoot down those drones for fear the stray bullets might harm someone; then conceded the possibility that there were no drones at all (though it seems like there probably were); then arrested a couple who turned out to be completely innocent; then reopened the airport with no resolution but that of the installation of an expensive new anti-drone system and the discovery of a single, untraced, damaged drone. This dithering paralysis raises many terrifying questions. I have two in particular. One: the people in charge of Gatwick — again, one of Europe’s biggest and busiest airports — never done any threat modelling / scenario analysis / contingency planning at all? And two: how many minutes-rather-than-hours would this shutdown have lasted if it had happened at a major airport in, say, Texas, before the bullet-ridden carcasses of the drones in question were dragged off the runway? I guess we’ll never know. But it gives me a certain dubious pleasure to bequeath to Gatwick, an airport I have known and disliked for many years, this year’s Jon of Jons.

Congratulations, of a sort, to all the winners of the Jons! All recipients shall receive a bobblehead of myself made up as a Blue Man, as per the image on this post, which will doubtless become coveted and increasingly valuable collectibles. (And needless to say sometime next year they will become redeemable for JonCoin.) And, of course, all winners shall be remembered by posterity forevermore.

1Bobbleheads shall only be distributed if and when available and convenient. The eventual existence of said bobbleheads is not guaranteed or indeed even particularly likely. Not valid on days named after Norse or Roman gods. All rights reserved, especially those rights about which we have reservations.

It’s the Jons 2018! published first on https://timloewe.tumblr.com/