#things have changed so much but there are constants!

[readingiskeepingmegoing]

I have thoughts on the relationship of Acacius and Lucilla. 

I have thoughts on the relationship of Acacius and Lucilla. 

!!Spoiler Warning!!

If you haven't seen the movie yet, maybe swerve this one until you have.

I am in no way a writer, and this is essentially just a word jumble that fell out of my brain. Please be gentle with me.  

Massive thanks to @schnarfer and @jessthebaker for listening to me yell and sharing your thoughts with me. Your insights were invaluable.    We see Acacius and Lucilla deeply in love in the movie. But I think they came to this over time.     

In the flashback scene of Lucilla taking Lucius from the arena after Maximus and Commodus have died, it appears to be Acacius who is helping him onto the horse. So from this we can infer that the pair have known each other for a long time, and that Acacius is loyal to Lucilla, just as he was loyal to Maximus. It makes me wonder if Maximus had maybe sent word to him to protect Lucilla and Lucius. A role that Acacius take seriously and sees through to the end. 

  Lucilla is held in high regard by the Roman people and even called Queen, and that gives her power, but it also makes her dangerous to the incumbent Emperor/s, and keeps her in constant personal danger.    Acacius was trained by Maximus. He clearly remains loyal to him even after his death. The Emperor after Commodus would no doubt have been suspicious of him and anyone who had served closely with Maximus. If one General could defeat an Emperor, then why not another?     I see the Emperor initially using Acacius as Lucilla's jailer. "Keep her in line or we will know you are not loyal" sort of thing. While also making sure that Lucilla knew that she was being watched. Not even safe to confide in her maids.    There will no doubt have been a bit of resentment there, especially from Lucilla, who doesn't know what lengths Acacius is going to, to keep them both alive and as free as possible.    Acacius falls in love with Lucilla before she falls in love with him. He may have known about Lucilla and Maxmus's relationship. And it is easy to see why he would have been attracted to her. The Emperor/s probably would have noticed a change in how he is with her, how he looked at her and so the manipulation would have changed. "Do what we say or we will send your wife to you on the battlefield, wouldn't it be terrible if something happened to her on the journey to you?" 

During time away from war, Acacius and Lucilla may have found their relationship to be strained in the beginning. He will have been so much lower in rank that her, the only thing they would have really have had in common at the start would have been their love of Maximus. Over time cordiality will have grown between them, deepening to a mutual respect.    Acacius comes home from battle grievously wounded, and that is when Lucilla realises that she loves him. The Emperor/s send nurses to care for him, and she sends them all away and tends him herself, pouring all of her newly discovered love into healing him, calling on her childhood nurse who is skilled in the arts of wise women. And during this time they get to truly know each other and their passionate love grows in earnest.    

I also feel as though Lucilla will not have wanted more children. She will not have wanted to hand the Emperor/s more leverage over her, nor have wanted to see her children chewed up and spit out by what Rome becomes. So Acacius respects her choice and encourages her to get whatever contraceptive remedies are most effective from her nurse, so that he can be her husband in every way. 

  They clearly have no secrets, he knew that Maximus was Lucius's father. He did not hesitate to try to free Lucius at Lucilla's request. This, to me, makes his sacrifice in the arena more heartbreaking. He is trying to protect his beloved wife from losing her son again, and upholding his loyalty to the man who trained him.  

If you made it all the way to the end, thank you for bearing with the rantings and ramblings of a madwoman.

Tagging because you asked so sweetly: @ghotifishreads @jennaispunk @missredherring

@noisynightmarepoetry @schnarfer @jessthebaker

[skay-ali]

The forgotten daughter / a possibility or alternate universe

The idea of ​​a pregnant but unlucky careless reader is honestly intriguing, while I'm very leaning towards her having her life together after leaving her family behind, it's almost unrealistic or unlikely.

As if ___ Wayne ceased to exist and now a new person, where there was a large wallet and card with infinite funds, went to a pocket with few coins, you became a homeless girl, almost a vagabond, it is clear that you ran away from home in a fit of fury and deep pain, burying itself in your heart, even if you don't want to admit it.

Then you spend the next few days on autopilot, working at places part-time, hanging out with friends, going from party to party, consuming alcohol and other drinks until you drop, experimenting with different drugs, moving from relationship to relationship with different guys.

All to forget the pain you felt, a somewhat peculiar medicine, which only relieved you, but did not make your suffering disappear. All that until you noticed strange things on your body, a slight assumption from your friend and a test, led you to shocking news... you were pregnant.

The possibility of it being from a criminal is very high, all the places you frequented would never be entertainment for a hero in his civilian life, something about high morals and that nonsense.

You were very screwed, first because you were broke, you worked in mediocre places with poor pay, you lived in the moment... which meant you didn't have a permanent home.

Giving your baby the best home was your mission, even if it meant it wouldn't be in your hands.

I can imagine other constants here…. The main thing would be that you end up with the baby, a feeling of feeling complete reaches you when your baby is born.

Your life now is a scale that is constantly balanced trying to give a good life to you and your baby.

Maybe you end up working at a superhero-themed restaurant where a lot of men go for the girls' outfits.

It was there where you met the crazy blonde villain, Harley Quinn, who quickly attaches herself to you after meeting you and forming a friendship with you, while the woman becomes a constant in your life.

Little by little she takes you to meet her friends or accomplices, from a psychiatrist, a businessman, a prosecutor, a botanist, they were part of your new circle of acquaintances, they end up liking you and even more so when they know your story as a careless girl, maybe also the part where they see you fighting to give your baby a great life.

It's still hard to figure out for a lot of these villains, but they grew attached to you and developed a deeper, darker feeling.

You end up working at a fancy bar where all your new acquaintances go.

It was there that you saw him again, one of your old and elusive loves, perhaps the possible father of your child, whom you left when you saw how dangerous he was and that he would take you directly to see your family again or maybe to jail.

Anyway, you avoided him like the plague the short time you had, because with the death of his father, he ended up inheriting the big business where you worked.

Although your job was never threatened during your stay at the iceberg lounge, due to the paternal affection that the owner of the business had for you, something strange but that you did not give much thought to.

Now it was in danger... with this man and his sister as the new owners.

Well, that is until your babysitters came to the bar with your baby, with the excuse that he was sick and they didn't know how to deal with a baby.

Everything turned upside down when the man added your baby's age and the last time you were together, something you never did out of fear.

Suddenly you were no longer a single mother, but you ended up forming a strange life with the father of your child, skeptical at first until the man's actions made you change your mind remembering why you were in love with him.

Even though his personality and work weren't the right fit, you couldn't help but fall for him. In addition to the fact that all your friends, “uncles” or “fathers” as they loved to call themselves or take the role, got into the situation and evaluated the man, even if he was the son of one of them, they all approved him in the end even if there were some frictions. when they lived together.

The worst thing is when the man that everyone thought was dead returned, who put aside the things of crime or his work as a big businessman, as he described it to you so as not to scare you, he proposed that they get married to give the little baby a family, Well, he didn't propose, he put a lot of pressure on you to accept it, using the excuse that he wanted his grandson to carry his last name and not the family he left you, even more so before his time to leave the world approached.

You accepted after so much thought, that would give you a family, something that you always longed for, you would be happy, you were being happy now with your baby, with your baby's father, his sister, his father and your boss, your extravagant aunts and uncles.

A big wedding was celebrated on the first day of winter in the city, on a beautiful pier, with everyone you knew.

.......

There was a great meeting, one that set off the alarms of some heroes, but those of a certain city.

A large number of villains gathered, that was not good, they knew it.

Oh when they encountered his evil plans, or rather at a party, it surprised them, even more so when they observed how a villain, son of one of the worst evils in the city, was about to marry, not with a normal person but with someone some knew.

Let's just say the bat family didn't know how to react.

......

A big smile adorned the groom's features, while the ceremony was taking place, he finally got what he planned so much, it took him a long time, plus he suffered a lot, not seeing his beloved for a long time and thinking that he would never see her again. he would find had destroyed him and made him madder.

But now he had done it, he finished his great plan, he had the woman he loved so much, all to himself, and with his last vows their lives would be completely tied.

Much more so with the baby, the fruit of their fleeting relationship, their little son would keep them together no matter what, if the marriage didn't work out.

Extra points for her father, who also appreciated his future wife much more than he did him, he knew very well that his father would make sure that the girl did not leave, as he could lose his daughter.

His sister was also helpful, she took root in your life, a new friend and confidant, capable of manipulating you.

Even though you were an adult, you were actually very naive like a child.

You gave him your trust, innocently, without knowing what kind of threat he was to you, a life full of freedom.

The time they spent together made him see how much he loved you, now that he had you he would do everything possible to never be separated from you.

[ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral]

This au was created with the combined forces of the amazing and awesomely talented group of @griffonskies, @hufflehobbitmakes, @lorienrobins, and myself (and they're all super cool people and you should all check out their blogs!) in an absolutely hilarious conversation, so I had to flesh this idea out. Enjoy!

This is a post-canon AU, where Merlin is still living by the Lake of Avalon in modern times, awaiting Arthur's return. While the world has changed immensely in the time since Arthur's reign, there were a few things that have stayed the same. And one of the things that had stayed constant throughout the last 1500 years were the druids and their worship of Emrys.

As Merlin's powers grew following Camlann, he found that he could hear the prayers that the druids directed at him, and he could answer them to the best of his ability with his magic while staying at the shores of Avalon. Besides, the druids knew better than to seek him out in person unless there was an absolute emergency.

Now, fast forwards to the 21st century, and there's modern druids worshipping Merlin as Emrys, and they pray to him and leave offerings, and he still sometimes answers their prayers. While the most popular offerings to Emrys are physical offerings, such as wooden carvings and food, their songs and dances praising him work as offerings as well.

However, one day, some Gen Z druids get an idea. Their religion isn't very well known, how about they spread more awareness of it online? And what better way to reach a wide audience than to share one of their dances praising Emrys on TikTok!

And of course, their dances for Emrys blows up online and go viral. The consequences of this, besides the rising interest in their religion, is that Merlin has accidentally gained millions of new worshippers, who have performed the dance without really knowing what it means.

Suddenly, with millions of people performing dances in honor of him online, Merlin is more powerful than ever before, much to his own confusion, since he's just chilling in a cabin next to the lake and doesn't really spend much time online.

However, one day, Arthur's reincarnation does the new dance trend at reincarnated Morgana's insistence. Merlin immediately senses his king performing one of the dances made to worship Emrys and teleports to Arthur's location, scaring the shit out of him. Now Arthur's stuck with a maybe-a-god-but-honesty-kinda-hot guy in his flat who keeps calling him "sire" and telling him to go to some lake so he can pick up a sword. It's a very confusing day for poor Arthur!

Bonus: some quotes from Gen Z druids in this au explaining their religion online: "Yeah, we can talk directly to our god, but he doesn't always respond because he's kinda busy being sad next to a magical lake."

"No, we swear he isn't a cult leader looking for a tax break!"

"If you catch him in a good mood he might do a pub crawl with you! That happened to my cousin once!"

"Yeah, I heard he turned water into beer on that pub crawl! Wild night."

[lairofsentinel]

Mourning with the Crows

Warning: I apologise in advance for my bitterness that sometimes spills into the text like the Blight when it comes to the murder of the Lore and tone that Veilguard has done to the DA world.

I've not seen this quest on YouTube or anywhere, so probably it's the only "extra" content you can have for Lucanis, and curiously is the only time where we can ASK HIM about something personal [his opinion on a topic that is not boring coffee or killing].

As it is obvious, it can only be triggered when you let Treviso be blighted.

Before this event, you have to do 3 quests that are the same one copy-pasted three times: go find X, they have became darkspwan, so you have to kill them. This is the fate of 3 crows we interacted with a bit more if you save Treviso: Heir, the crow-trainer [I laugh so much with this character, she can't be less crow at all, what they did to the lore?]; Fletcher, the faction vendor; and Chance Candide, an Orlesian Crow [yes, Orlesian... I'm dying, what's this?!] who gives you some quests about an affair between a Venatori and a Crow if you saved Treviso [and he is totally fine with a Crow abandoning the Crows for love... I'm mourning with the Crows too, for the Crows, for the whole lore]

Anyway, we go to the memorial that has an imposing statue of a Crow, as usual a nice touch of Antivan dramatics, probably the only thing they preserved about the lore.

Teia and Viago are there, and we see them remember the three Crows that we had to kill because they were too far blighted.

No matter what option you pick, Lucanis appears out of the blue with a very sceptical tone:

We are informed [implicitly] here that Lucanis certainly had no friends, just few acquaintances among the crows and local merchants and, of course, cafe workers. Still he wanted to return to that level of familiarity once he recovered his life from the Ossuary, despite the irreversible changes in him.

And here, only here, for FIRST TIME in the whole game, you can ask him something personal, something that makes him a bit more than just coffee jokes and assassin stuff: Do you believe in anything? The most ambitious, brutal question [for dav parameters, of course] we have in this game which has denied us not only the social conflicts of Thedas [and Tevinter in particular!] but also the religious ones. Of course, his answer is as bland as the game in general on these topics: He basically is an atheist, that due to an excess of pain and suffering, "wants to believe" that there is something else hearing people's cries. It's a strange argument to make, since suffering may reinforce the atheist vision of characters, but maybe this small bit of hope he wants to grab was inspired by his own situation in the Ossuary: maybe he found in Rook's action the answers to his pleas for the nightmare of the Ossuary to stop. And maybe he is hoping that after all this pain on Treviso, somehow, some power can help them to heal the city, as his pain was stopped with the presence of Rook in his life. Wishful thinking, Neve would say.

Still, the whole tone of this scene gives a constant atheist vibe to him: he knows there is too much suffering in the world for a big power not to act and help, so maybe, the natural conclusion is that there is no such power at all.

At the end of the scene we have the option to toast for 3 different concepts, each of them "attached" to each of the Crows in the screen: The memory of the dead, to Viago; The future, to Teia, and Vengeance, of course, to Lucanis.

[milykins]

Hello my dear! ✨️

I was curious if you might be able to write a little something fun/fluffy with Mikey for this prompt:

"Sorry, you're just my type."

I'd love to see what you could come up with for this. Thank you!

🫂💖

Finally ready to post! I hope this doesn't disappoint. I had fun putting my own nerdy spin on this ask and putting it in my AU where they already live among humans just worked really well for this prompt. Thank you for it!

TW: None, set in an AU where they live in the city and have jobs/own businesses. Aged up, adult turtles

Special thanks to @sophiacloud28 for beta reading!

Just My Type

Mikey was kind of a big deal. He was the first of his brothers to go ‘public’ once they had made the decision to reveal themselves. Predictably, Leo had advised him to go about it carefully. Raph followed suit, and Donnie especially. Both were planning to take careful baby steps and advised Mikey to do the same.

Funny that they expected him to listen, did they even know him? Unsurprisingly, he went hard, very much putting himself out there. To him, the choice was easy. If they were to live among the humans, he needed to show them that they meant no harm. The incident at the police station was a painful reminder of how bad things could go and he was willing to do whatever it took to prevent that. Mikey was steadfastly dedicated to shifting humanity’s perspective from ‘monsters’ to ‘heroes’.

To his delight, the expressed reception was largely positive. He was very pleased that his efforts had paid off. Perhaps a little too well. Mikey ended up with a huge fanbase in a matter of months. His popularity exploded across social media and he even appeared on a few talk shows.

Opening his comic book store was huge. People camped outside with lineups around the block for the grand opening. The rush of customers and fans was so intense that Mikey actually had to call his brothers in for assistance. Raph had been more than happy to act as a bouncer for his little brother.

He was quickly becoming very familiar with the term ‘be careful what you wish for’. Our hero in orange was there. The constant fans demanding pictures, autographs, even trying to steal his mask… (he’d lost four so far) had been grating on him a little. He’d been wondering if his brothers were right in telling him he should’ve approached humanity more carefully. Leo certainly had no problem pointing it out. ‘You asked for this, Mikey. What did you expect?’

He couldn’t say. He’d just wanted what they all wanted. Acceptance. Now, it looked like he’d bitten of more than he could chew.

Then you came along.

He’d been watching the day you nervously approached the door. Carefully, you placed your hand on the door handle before abruptly drawing it back like it had been burned. Turning on your heel you left fast, caught up in your own mortification. Stifling a soft chuckle, Mikey went back to his work.

You proceeded to do this twice more over the coming days much to his growing amusement. He couldn’t help but be intrigued and was patiently waiting for the day you summoned enough courage to actually enter the store.

Obviously, you were a huge fan. He was flattered of course but he could tell something was different about you. Typically, his fans had no fear in approaching him and most had even less shame in throwing themselves at him. He found your hesitancy and careful approach to be endearing and a refreshing change.

His heart soared the day you finally summoned your courage and asked to be a part of his weekly one-shot D&D afternoon gaming sessions. Of course it was a resounding yes from him. He was perhaps a bit too enthusiastic as he was more than happy to include you.

It was a wonderful thing to see you blossom during the session. To see your confidence grow as you slowly came out of your own proverbial shell. You’d played before, he could tell. The adorable accent you put on as you fell into the role of playing your character nearly dropped him on the back of his shell. It was so cute. He delighted in the fact that you did not need much help in calculating your rolls either. He was really trying to tamp it down but he was already smitten. Soft, sweet, pretty and shy, but hiding this confident player underneath. You were just his type.

As the session came to a close, he felt a surge of pride upon being thanked by you. A wholly grateful smile on your face. Humbly accepting the praise, he secretly hoped this wasn’t the last he’d see of you. To his relief you shyly approached him after the game, not to ask for a picture or an autograph but to ask if he knew of any D&D groups accepting new members. Hope bloomed within him as he explained that actually there was one. His heart fluttered in his chest as he watched the excitement in your eyes grow. It was a done deal. You were invited to join his very exclusive, only reserved for family and close friends… D&D group.

Those sessions were the most enjoyable he’d ever had the pleasure of dming. Seeing you attend his games became the highlight of his week. You and he soon struck up a solid friendship and for once in his life, Mikey was trying his hardest not to come on too strong. He didn’t want to screw this up by any means. He wanted you to call the shots and was secretly hoping that you liked him as much as he liked you.

Oh, he was in deep. He began noticing the subtle nuances in your behaviour, little things unique only to you. How your cheeks flushed pink when something embarrassing happened or when he’d teased you in-game. Your expression of pure satisfaction and excitement as you rolled a perfect nat20 and your contradictory one of utter disappointment and dramatic woe when you rolled a nat1. He found himself craving these moments, just to see how you’ll react. Truthfully, he’d fudged at least one roll just so you’d have a success instead of a failure. He needed to see the look of pure joy on your face. He wanted to be the cause of that joy.

One day, he couldn’t help it. He had to ask you out. Saying he was nervous was an understatement. You’d think having such a huge fanbase would’ve prepared him for this but alas no. He was still a shy, stuttering mess when he’d quietly suggested dinner and a walk after.

At your soft, surprised yes, he nearly cheered with an overly enthusiastic fist pump. Instead, he tugged you in for a tentative hug and quietly told you how happy that would make him. He had to really hold back from kissing you as your faces grew close. Shyly, you pulled away first to tell him you’ll see him there. He watched you turn with a small wave and a tiny excited smile. You were so adorable it hurt.

The date itself seemed to be a success. He wanted you to be wined and dined, wanted you to feel special, like a princess. He tried to be an absolute gentleman while putting his best romantic foot forward. To his delight, you seemed to be having a wonderful time. If your wide smiles and soft bouts of laughter were any indication. By the time he was carefully holding your hand while walking with you through Central Park he’d thought he'd made it. Reading your body language and how you had glanced up to his face a few times while your cheeks flushed so prettily. He took the cue and leaned in for that once-in-a-lifetime first kiss. It was going to be perfect.

It was… until you pulled away at the last second. Mikey felt as though his heart had dropped into his stomach. Concern laced his features as he searched your face to find out where he’d gone wrong. Then you started talking, your voice stuttering and unsure.

“I’m sorry… I just… I didn’t think you really liked me like that…”

His heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice. “You… you don’t feel the same way… do you?” There was no hiding his disappointment this time. He watched your eyes widen as you struggled to pick your next words carefully.

Your tone changes then as you shake your head and then nod, stammering a bit. “Wait, wait, wait! No, I do! I do like you, Mikey… I just didn’t think you’d go for me, I’m nothing special… not like those fangirls of yours. Aren’t they more your type?”

This was the answer he’d least been expecting to hear. He’d been sure you were going to let him down easy… that your heart belonged to another… more human guy. Not a mutated turtle guy.

“Not my… you think that they…” His mind was absolutely blown. This gorgeous, sweet woman thought that she wasn’t good enough for him? That was it, he was in love.

“Sweetheart… sorry to disappoint you, you’re just my type. Exactly my type. You’re the only woman I want to be with. The one that knows the real me.” He gave you a truthful and tender smile as he carefully tucked an errant curl behind your ear.

This time, when he moved in for that kiss, there was no hesitation on your part. He wanted you to feel the joy and tenderness he poured into it, right down to your toes.

A tightening of your grip and a deepening of the kiss was all he needed to know that you did feel it. He’d found what most people had been searching for their entire lives. A deep connection you both shared in the depths of your souls. To heck with ‘types’ he just wanted you.

Until the next ask!

Taglist:

@danceingfae @thelaundrybitch @iridescentflamingo @redsrooftopprincess @ninnosaurus

@the-cauldron-witch @thepinkpanther83 @avery73 @adebauchedsloth @sophiacloud28

@definitely-canon @scholastic-dragon @truffle-reblogs @fyreball66 @yorshie

Please ask if you'd like to be added!

[snowflake194]

So, it’s been a week since the mid-season finale, and can we talk about how Shannon and Abby are still haunting the narrative? Like, seriously.

Shannon’s lingering presence in Eddie’s story is something that has been dissected for years now. She died back in season 2, about six years ago, but her shadow has never really left. Every single decision Eddie has made since then, every relationship he’s tried to have, has been tied back to her. It’s always about “finding a mother figure for Christopher.” We know this. We’ve always known this. It’s been a constant.

But then there’s Abby. Abby, who practically disappeared after season 1, was mentioned only by how she changed Buck from 1.0 to 2.0, until the season 3 finale when she returned with a fiancé, gave Buck the closure he needed, and we all moved on. Or so we thought. Because now, out of nowhere, she’s back in the conversation - through Tommy, of all people, being her ex (again) fiancé.

And I keep coming back to the way Abby left Buck in season 1. She told him she needed to “find herself,” and Buck, bless his heart, said: “I’m excited for you almost as much as I’m sad for me.” And I just.

Doesn’t that just hit different now? Because here we are, with Eddie talking about moving to El Paso to be closer to Chris and rebuild their relationship. And so of course Buck is going to support him. Of course he’s going to smile and tell Eddie he’s doing the right thing, because it is the right thing. Eddie should be close to Chris and do everything he can to fix things with his son.

But you know it’s going to break Buck. He’s happy for Eddie, but he’s also quietly devastated for himself, because to him, he’s losing the one constant he’s always thought would be there - the two people he never imagined leaving him.

It’s wild to think that, eight years into this show, Buck and Eddie’s first major relationships are still looming over the narrative. Shannon and Abby may have been messy and complicated and long over, but their impact? It’s still shaping who Buck and Eddie are today.

And honestly? That’s just so interesting to me.

[ghouljams]

how does one become free of insecurity? i’m already doing therapy but i feel i’ve only moved away from hating myself so much i want to d*e into just thinking everyone’s better than me

It's a long journey, but well worth it.

I don't think anyone is ever truly free of insecurity, but I think there's also a lot that is unpacked simply through the language we use to describe ourselves and the jokes we allow other people to make at our expense.

Therapy is great at helping you deal with the big feelings, but sometimes little things get caught in your head and it's hard to shake them. Here are some things that I do to keep myself feeling good, and also some things that I'm working on:

No suicide jokes. I make it a point never to joke about "oh I'll just kill myself" or anything like that because ultimately it just makes me feel worse and nobody finds it funny. It's also a good way to change your thinking and direct your solution brain away from "I'll just end things when shit gets hard." This one is a constant battle.

I compliment myself whenever I have the chance. I take every compliment someone gives me. I pretend to be vapid and self-absorbed. I make kissy faces at myself in the mirror. I tell other people how pretty I am, and I don't fucking care if they think I'm a stupid bimbo because I'm trying to love myself and that's more important.

Being kinder to my younger self. This one feels weird but I found myself being mean to little Ghoul when I was really sad. It feels easy to take out your anger on a kid that didn't know any better, and it doesn't guilt you because that's you that you're hating. But look. You were just a kid. You weren't stupid or ugly or unlovable or evil, you were a kid. I just caught myself calling my teenage self ugly the other day on my way to visit my mom and I had to stop and go "why am I saying this? I was just a kid." And it made me cry a li'l bit ngl, but if felt... idk it felt good in a way.

Don't let fucking anyone tell you, you're not worth it. Does your friend make jokes about how dumb you are? Or how you're so cringey? Or so embarrassing or bad at something or forgetful or WHATEVER? Yeah, fuck that noise. Tell them to stop doing that. Tell them it hurts your feelings and if they still don't stop they aren't your friend, they're your bully. I fucking hate bullies. Don't let anyone talk down to you, I don't care if it was a joke at first, it's not funny anymore. Fuck them.

This is something I'm working on, but when you start fixing one insecurity another will probably pop up. I've been working for a long time on liking how I look, and it's gone really well. But now I'm insecure about my intelligence. So I have to stop myself from calling myself stupid or not answering questions. I just fucking rocked my work trivia party, and Mr. Ghoul thinks I'm smart, so I just gotta keep track of my wins. Sometimes you realize that making yourself secure in one thing makes you insecure about another, but that's ok! There's a learning curve to all of this.

Everyone thinks everyone else is better than them. You don't have to be the best at everything, you don't even have to be the best at one thing! What's important is that you're doing your best. People notice when you're working hard, even if you're not churning out the best product because it means you care about it. Which brings me to

Done is better than perfect. Sure it would be great if you were God's most specialist soldier, but think about how much work that would be! Ok so you're not the world's best knitter, but the scarf you made your friend is their favorite scarf anyway because you made it. So you're not a world class writer, but you had a story in your head and you wrote it down. That's better than it never being written at all. Also just because you think it's bad doesn't mean other people won't think it's a masterpiece. Hell, half of the fics I wrote when I first started this blog I could write better now but that doesn't make them bad, it just means I've gotten better.

We as humans are constantly improving and evolving. Don't let who you are no stop you from striving towards who you'll be in the future. Taking one step down the path towards loving yourself is better than giving up and hating yourself forever. It's slow going, but man I've been doing this shit for a decade and I'm so much happier than I was at 18.

You might think that the more you improve the harder and faller you'll fall back to the bottom, but the lows don't get that low again. You're doing great. I'm proud of you.

[thatwritterbeach]

hug and soul string tugs .3

dc masterlist

Dick Grayson x reader romantic Jason Todd x reader romantic

Dick Grayson x Jason platonic Tim Drake x reader platonic

Summary: Damian gets in on the soulmate circle, he's not a fan

warnings: blood, conon typ' violence, rejection, soul sickness (soulmates au ) angst, unedited,

A/N: I do not own dc

Tim had been sharing a bed with Y/n and Dick without issue but Jason insisted on sleeping on the couch they'd added to the room. He was still close enough the bond didn't ache but it still wasn't helping either. Tim having never been bonded was a wreck. Bouts of panic from having people close to him all the time, fully dissociating when he simply couldn't process all the emotions. He seemed to feel things almost as deeply as y/d did, getting the brunt of all the others emotions on top of his own. They couldn't figure out why, assuming it had to do with three bonds being formed instantaneously and his soul was just struggling to make sense of it all. He spent some nights in between the others a content smile on his face, laughing and talking like it was nothing. Other nights he would cling to the edge of the bed closest to where Jason slept, silently crying himself to sleep. It was annoying, feeling so deeply for his would be murderer, but no matter how much he fought it his soul called out to Jay's, begging for his brother's affection.

Jay for his part outwardly appeared fine. No bags under his eyes, and never a hitch in his step, to anyone else he appeared content. But Tim and y/n could feel it, maybe more than Jason even realized. He was struggling with the constant change. Sharing his soul mate and the guilt from causing her pain.

Dick was ok, he was sad and upset that Jason seemed to be keeping his distance but he understood. And the sheer joy he felt from being connected to several people he loved far outweighed any sadness. When he woke up from a nightmare about not being able to save someone or hands on him he didn't want there was always two people with unconditional and easily shown love and one with still unconditional but less easy to show love to sooth him.

The problem came a few weeks after Tim joined their little group. Y/n's soul sickness had gone away when the new bond formed, and Jason was extra careful to spend time with her and tug 'i love you's' into the bond. But something was wrong, she could feel it. Parts of her were hurting where there were no injuries, and the other's were free of even a bruise when she checked. She swore her wrist was broken when she woke up on Monday but Alfred assured her there wasn't a thing out of place. On Tuesday her ribs ached like she'd been kicked. Wednesday blood started pouring from her nose at the dinner table. Finally someone was listing to her and she was moved to the med bay in the cave. They ran every test under the sun, even had Leslie come out to check but found nothing, not a hair out of place, not even a cavity. On Thursday she was making a cup of coffee for Tim when she dropped to the floor and started seizing the shattered mug making shallow cuts all over as she thrashed.

"Shit, Bruce," Jason yelled as he cradled her head in his lap. Dick was sweeping away the broken mug and Tim was holding down her arms and legs so she didn't hurt herself.

"How long," Bruce demanded sending Leslie an sos message.

"I don't know, she was like this when I walked in." Blood was dripping from her nose and foam was starting to work it's way out of her mouth so he turned her on her side. just as quickly as it started it was over, her eyes unfocused and breathing too shallow.

__

"If I didn't know any better I'd say she has a collapsed lunge and head trauma."

"But she hasn't sustained any injuries," Bruce confirmed. They were all back in the cave, watching the too shallow too slow rise and fall of her chest. Tubes and wires all over even though there weren't any injuries to heal.

"It's possible..." Leslie started but trailed off in thought.

"What, anything, any ideas-" Dick cut himself off with a shudder, tears making a steady stream. Jason and Tim were both huddled up next to him, their bonds aching in response to y/n's pain.

"She seems to form bonds... easily, it's completely unheard of to have two let alone three. Has she come into contact with anyone else in the life? It's possible she's formed another bond without realizing it, and that person is sustaining these injuries?"

"You think someone in the league or Titans is doing this?"

"Not on purpose, they're most likely just going about their day doing their job and can't stop from being injured. Has she met anyone new recently?"

"No," Jason answered. She hadn't left the Manor and nobody had come to visit.

On Friday she woke up screaming clutching at a wound in her stomach that wasn't there and eyes glowing green. Jason dropped to his knees in shock, hands going over his ears trying to block out the sound. She screamed her voice raw, clawing at her abdomen and begging them to make the pain stop, her eyes staying green until they closed and the beeping machines turned to blaring and the sound of a flatline. People moved around Jason working to save but he could feel the bond slipping, green eyes haunting him.

"This is my fault," he whispered, when she was stable and everyone was sitting in tense silence.

"No," Bruce said firmly.

"Me coming back-the pit must'v, the bond must'v absorbed some of the pit 'r somethin'."

"Jason we don't know that," Dick tried, but he was too tired to fight him on it. Every tug on his bond going unanswered by the woman he loved.

"Maybe it would help to put her in the pit," Tim said softly, easing away from Jason in preparation.

"NO!"

"It might help, I don't know even it out? She doesn't hold anger, it might not..."

"Turn her into a crazed lunatic," Jason snapped but made no move to strangle him so he carried on.

"With all of us to help, she might have an easier time," Dick agreed, warming up to the idea.

"And how would the misses feel about this?"

"She'd hate it, but she's been outvoted," Tim said pulling out his phone to track down Ra's.

"I'll call Thalia," Bruce said interrupting his search.

Two days later they were all standing around a bubbling green pit and Jason was doing his best to keep his food in his stomach. Thalia had agreed to carry her in and was doing just that when the girl gasped awake and started thrashing. A young boy stepped out from the circle of guards around them and grabbed y/n's hand causing her to freeze.

(did I just make another bond with dami, are we collecting the batboys like pets, yes)

"So father, why hasn't she attached herself to you," Damian asked with a sniff, wondering around the manor living area and periodically checking for dust. Everyone else was piled on the couch, Y/n spread out on three laps, awake but not fully aware.

"I don't know, I don't spend much time with her."

"Tt, I've spent no time and yet she has latched onto me like a viper-"

"Watch it demon brat." Damian gasped in response bending to put his hands on his knees.

"What was that!"

"She's probably trying to speak to you though the bond," Dick said calmly, fingers running through her hair.

"Why does it feel like that?"

"Like a string around your heart," Tim supplied.

"Yes...how do I respond," he said when he felt it again. She was insistent, tugging in a way he couldn't decipher.

"Is she tugging three times in order, or is it more sparatic?"

"Three times."

"She's saying ' I love you'," Tim clarified.

"Tt, she doesn't even know me."

"Doesn't matter, she loves you. She loved me the second the bond was formed."

"How do I stop her?"

"Damian," Bruce suddenly chastised.

"Dami, not even death can stop it. When Jason died she felt everything."

"Then she is weak," he accused then dropped to his knees at the overwhelming emotions she was sending through the bond. Love fully surrounding him until he was choking on it.

"Stop that," he demanded aloud, trying to convey hatred through the bond but he had no practice. He felt the three tugs again and again, even though she was a few feet away seemingly unaware of her surroundings.

"How is she doing that!"

"She can do it in her sleep, whatever you feel she feels stronger, her bonds to us are...I don't know, just stronger I guess, only small amounts of what she'd feeling gets though to us," Dick explained poorly.

"Small amount! She's burning me alive!"

"With love," Jason said on a laugh and Damian lunged for him. Before anyone could move to stop him he was tackled to the ground by y/n, her arms firmly around him as he thrashed, rolling him under her while maintaining the bear hug. He hissed like an angry kitten and she laughed at him while peppering his face with kisses.

"Mine, mine mine," she said with every peck. Still sending love through the bond.

Eventually he stilled, still glaring and sending hate through the bond but he hadn't released it so she took it as permission to roll them to a seated position, him in her lap with her fingers running through his hair.

"Mine," she cooed at him with a soft smile.

"Does she know any other words," Damian scowled but again didn't wiggle away from the affection.

"She's never been so....," Dick trailed off looking to the others.

"Out of it," Tim tried with a shrug.

"She's lucid, I've never seen her like this, even when I came back from the dead. Maybe two bonds forming so close together-"

"Two," Damian interrupted narrowing his eyes at them.

"Well yeah, she only bonded with me about a month ago. She was a mother hen, keeping me close and fawning over me, but she still spoke and seemed present?"

"Tt, are you saying it's my fault."

"We're saying her emotion might be a little...off right now, and this is how she's coping. Give her a few more hours, she was near death just yesterday," Bruce said standing with a heavy sigh. "I haven't slept in days and neither have any of you, Damian, I expect you can be trusted not to kill anyone for a few hours?" The boy nodded. "Good, the rest of you, bed, now or I get Alfred to tie you down."

"I'm not leaving her with a killer," Jason protested.

to be continued ( I don't know where I'm going with this so hope ya'll stay for the ride)

@stormz369

[arklayraven]

Feel I could of wrote this better but am too tired to try again. So have this mess as is. lol

As very upsetting and heartbreaking, even angering a bit, the news about OM is.

I am grateful for the game for something it introduced me to and gave.

Inclusivity.

Before OM, I didn't play much games of the genre because didn't think there was much that I could play that would be inclusive to me as a queer trans person. Then OM came along, a otome, that I randomly found and tried finally one day, but with its own personal twist and style.

That twist/style being, small to some but huge and meaningful to others. A gender less/neutral MC, with no appearance (unless you count the sheep lol), who canonly uses they/them pronouns and was one perfect for people to self insert themselves in. Than feel they are playing a typical generic woman MC in a otome game.

And because of this fact, all the characters who are romanceable and dateable are by default canonly queer. Because they love the MC regardless of their gender identity or lack of. (Headcanoning them pan lol 💗💛💙)

Now, some have tried to say, argue in fact, that because of this, OM isn't a otome, but that is very wrong because it still is one, and people were just gatekeeping at this point. Even were against the whole fact words can evolve/expand on meaning throughout the years. I've talked too much about this issue, that you can find my posts about it I'm sure if you look, but i'll share them again soon if needed.

Some even say the MC isn't gender less/neutral, to fight against this to keep other players than cis hetero women from playing it too. Even though we have constant proof of this, and even the devs said it themselves and explained their decision for it.

(As well people were being openly queerphobic at this point, especially when they said the characters weren't canonly queer when they are. Because it made them upset to admit the fact they were romancing a canon queer character(s) in the game. They are canonly queer. Deal with it. <3)

It was a feature, the devs didn't need to make and add I feel to make their game a success. But they did still anyway and am entirely grateful for it, because I feel this only inspired some other game devs, (specifically some indie VNs ones) to do same/similar like them with their own MC in games.

There has been some other well known big name otome games who tried this too, but not as well as OM I feel. At least not as yet. Though some introduced the option to be either a man or woman in those games now, some even give the option to be nonbinary too if lucky.

But not many games do this a lot, not enough I feel compared to others. Though its still something when it finally happens, and the change/impact from OM has been felt and seen I feel. Which makes me happy when it comes to more inclusivity in those games and genre when included.

Currently still, inclusivity in these games are still a rarity I feel in times. Might be a even bigger battle to have more of it in the future with how things have been getting for queer and trans peoples rights and all...But I hope with OM closing this chapter of their life with the games. It'll inspire others to make their own games with such lovely inclusivity or even more, like OM has.

So to anyone who made a game inspired by OM, who has a self insert MC who is inclusive any and all players, regardless of their gender identity or lack of...

Thank you. Thank you so much for giving us that small but meaningful option for us players. So that we may be able to play and engage with your game/story/characters more deeply and personally. Than feel unwelcomed or not allowed to be included just because of our queer and gender(or lack of) identity. 💕

[mwolf0epsilon]

With Viktor's rework in the making, I am not only losing OG Viktor, but also losing what made Malzahar special as well...

Like I said before, I don't mind Arcane Viktor. I think the whole eldritch/otherworldly/corrupted-transcendence-of-the-self fits his overall themes, but only as another Alternate Universe (and considering LOL and Arcane both have the Multiverse's existence as a core part of its overall worldbuilding, it's not even a stretch to insinuate Arcane could live as it's own independent universe outside of the main universe of Runeterra). One where instead of looking to machinery as a means to re-adapt and evolve, magic was his poison of choice (although calling it a choice is a bit of a stretch, considering Viktor has no real agency in what transpired until it was too late).

The thing is... Why was it ever necessary to make Arcane Viktor the base to which all versions of him are built upon?

His original storyline was much more compelling than him being "just another mage". An engineer who's inventions are so fantastically innovative and powerful that some would consider them to be akin to magic? The desire to help his people adapt to an ever declining environment via mechanical augments and other inventions that clean and rebuild infrastructure? A strong moral compass and refusal to override consent because the future he has in mind is not a hivemind but a society run by logic and no conflict? The constant mislabeling as a villainous figure because of a heavily biased account of what he does that was built on lack of context and understanding? The Blitzcrank Legal Debacle? These were features that made him a complex and very intriguing character!

And, the fact of the matter is that the storyline Arcane put upon him is very much just a cheap knockoff of Malzahar's story. Something which personally slights me not only as a Malza fan, but also as an OG Viktor fan due to one very simple detail:

Malzahar is an immoral being through which the unknowable horrors beyond the veil of the fabric of reality acts. A puppet molded to further an agenda that would obliterate the world around him via its consumption by the Void, because he truly believes in its inevitability. He is a cult leader, figurehead, and more than willing to sacrifice everyone and all to the unholy beings he worships, whether he has their consent (and some of his followers do consent to being sacrificed because he charms them into believing his cause) or not (the Kai'Sa incident that turned Malzahar and Kassadin into mortal enemies).

He was, in essence, the opposite of Viktor. An actual villainous monster who at some point was just another victim of circumstance, and who now tries to push the world into annihilation because to him that is not only his purpose but also the perfect outcome for their world... Which sounds terribly familiar right now, doesn't it?

Alas, I know how this is going to end and it's not gonna be fun in the slightest. I'm just happy I recently unlocked Viktor again to give him one last hurrah before he's inevitably changed from what he used to represent.

[shadowsandstarlight]

I wanna do some more paleoart because that dromaeosaur was really fun and even though it hasn’t gotten much attention, the people who have seen it (both on here and my irl friends) really like it, also I love how it turned out. So, any ideas?

[coddda]

I wish we could have met in some other way.

Lawlight Week Day 2: Soulmates

If you saw me repost and re-edit this several times uh No you didn't </3

Still frames/Individual gifs:

If you know what every frame is from you get a free cookie. by the way

[jesuis-assez]

↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 5x04 - The Choice

[angelsdean]

I need people to understand how S&P (standards and practices) works in television and how much influence they have over what gets to stay IN an episode of a show and how the big time network execs are the ones holding the purse strings and making final decisions on a show's content, not the writers / showrunners / creatives involved.

So many creators have shared S&P notes over the years of the wild and nonsensical things networks wanted them to omit / change / forbid. Most famously on tumblr, I've seen it so many times, is the notes from Gravity Falls. But here's a post compiling a bunch of particularly bad ones from various networks too. Do you see the things they're asking to be changed / cut ?

Now imagine, anything you want to get into your show and actually air has to get through S&P and the network execs. A lot of creators have had to resort to underhanded methods. A lot of creators have had to relegate things to subtext and innuendo and scenes that are "open to interpretation" instead of explicit in meaning. Things have had to be coded and symbolized. And they're relying on their audience to be good readers, good at media literacy, to notice and get it. This stuff isn't the ramblings of conspiracy theorists, it's the true practices creatives have had to use to be able to tell diverse stories for ages. The Hays Code is pretty well known, it exists because of censorship. It was a way to symbolize certain things and get past censors.

Queercoding, in particular, has been used for ages in both visual media and literature do signal to queer audiences that yes, this character is one of us, but no, we can't be explicit about it because TPTB won't allow it. It's a wink-wink, nudge-nudge to those in the know. It's the deliberate use of certain queer imagery / clothing / mannerisms / phrases / references to other queer media / subtle glances and lingering touches. Things that offer plausible deniability and can be explained away or go unnoticed by straight audiences to get past those network censors. But that queer viewers WILL (hopefully) pick up on.

Because, unfortunately, still to this day, a lot of antiquated network execs don't think queer narratives are profitable. They don't think they'll appeal to general audiences, because that's what matters, whatever appeals to most of the audience demographic so they can keep watching and keep making the network more money. The networks don't care about telling good stories! Most of them are old white cishet business men, not creatives. They don't care about character arcs and what will make fans happy. They don't care about storytelling. What they care about is profit and they're basing their ideas of what's profitable on what they believe is the predominate target demographic, usually white cis heterosexual audiences.

So, imagine a show that started airing in the early 2000s. Imagine a show where the two main characters are based on two characters from a famous Beat Generation novel, where one of the characters is queer! based on a real like bisexual man! The creator is aware of this, most definitely. And sure, it's 2005, there's no way they were thinking of making that explicit about Dean in the text because it just wouldn't fly back then to have a main character be queer. But! it's made subtext. And there are nods to that queerness placed in the text. Things that are open to interpretation. Things that are drenched in metaphor (looking at you 1x06 Skin "I know I'm a freak" "maybe this thing was born human but was different...hated. Until he learned to become someone else.") Things that are blink-and-you-miss-it and left to plausible deniability (things like seemingly spending an hour in the men's bathroom, or always reacting a little vulnerable and awkward when you're clocked instead of laughing it off and making a homophobic joke abt it)

And then, years later there's a ship! It's popular and at first the writers aren't really seriously thinking about it but they'll throw the fans a bone here and there. Then, some writers do get on the destiel train and start actively writing scenes for them that are suggestive. And only a fraction of what they write actually makes it into the text. So many lines left on the cutting room floor: i love past you. i forgive you i love you. i lost cas and it damn near broke me. spread cas's ashes alone. of course i wanted you to stay. if cas were here. -- etc. Everything cut was not cut by the writers! Why would a writer write something to then sabotage their own story and cut it? No, these are things that didn't make it past the network. Somewhere a note was made maybe "too gay" or "don't feed the shippers" or simply "no destiel."

So, "no destiel." That's pretty clearly the message we got from the CW for years. "No destiel. Destiel will alienate our general audience. Two of our main characters being queer? And in a relationship? No way." So what can the pro-destiel creatives involved do, if the network is saying no? What can the writers do if most of their explicit destiel (or queer dean) lines / moments are getting cut? Relegate things to subtext. Make jokes that straight people can wave off but queer people can read into. Make costuming and set design choices that the hardcore fans who are already looking will notice while the general audience and the out-of-touch network execs won't blink and eye at (I'm looking at you Jerry and your lamps and disappearing second nightstands and your gay flamingo bar!)

And then, when the audience asks, "is destiel real? is this proof of destiel?" what can the creatives do but deny? Yes, it hurts, to be told "No no I don't know what you're talking about. There's no destiel in supernatural" a la "there is no war in Ba Sing Se" but! if the network said "no destiel!" and you and your creative team have been working to keep putting destiel in the subtext of the narrative in a way that will get past censors, you can't just go "Yes, actually, all that subtext and symbolism you're picking up, yea it's because destiel is actually in the narrative."

But, there's a BIG difference between actively putting queer themes and subtext into the narrative and then saying it's not there (but it is! and the audience sees it!) versus NOT putting any queer content into the text but SAYING it is there to entice queer fans to continue watching. The latter, is textbook queerbaiting. The former? Is not. The former is the tactics so many creatives have had to use for years, decades, centuries, to get past censorship and signal to those in the know that yea, characters like you are here, they exist in this story.

Were the spn writers perfect? No, absolutely not. And I don't think every instance of queer content was a secret signal. Some stuff, depending on the writer, might've been a period-typical gay joke. These writers are flawed. But it's no secret that there were pro-destiel writers in the writing room throughout the years, and that efforts were made to make it explicitly canon (the market research!)

So no, the writers weren't ever perfect or a homogeneous entity. But they definitely were fighting an uphill battle constantly for 15 yrs against S&P and network execs with antiquated ideas of what's profitable / appealing.

Spn even called out the networks before, on the show, using a silly example of complaints abt the lighting of the show and how dark the early seasons were. Brightening the later seasons wasn't a creative choice, but a network choice. And if the networks can complain abt and change something as trivial as the lighting of a show, they definitely are having a hand in influencing the content of the show, especially queer content.

Even in s15, (seasons fifteen!!!) Misha has said he worried Castiel's confession would not air. In 2020!!! And Jensen recorded that scene on his personal phone! Why? Sure, for the memories. But also, I do not doubt for a second that part of it was for insurance, should the scene mysteriously disappear completely. We've seen the finale script. We've seen the omitted omitted omitted scenes. We all saw how they hacked the confession scene to bits. The weird cuts and close-ups. That's not the writers doing. That's likely not even the editors (willingly). That's orders from on high. All of the fuckery we saw in s15 reeks of network interference. Writers are not trying to sabotage their own stories, believe me.

Anyways, TLDR: Networks have a lot more power than many think and they get final say in what makes it to air. And for years creative teams have had to find ways to get past network censorship if they want "banned" or "unapproved" "unprofitable" "unwanted" content to make it into the show. That means relying on techniques like symbolism, subtext, and queercoding, and then shutting up about it. Denying its there, saying it's all "open to interpretation" all while they continue to put that open to interpretation content into the show. And that's not queerbaiting, as frustrating as it might be for queer audiences to be told that what they're seeing isn't there, it's still not queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is a marketing technique to draw in queer fans by baiting them with the promise of queer content and then having no queer content in said media. But if you are picking up on queer themes / subtext / symbolism / coding that is in front of your face IN the text, that's not queerbaiting. It's there, covertly, for you, because someone higher up didn't want it to be there explicitly or at all.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever

[commsroom]

i don't think early-series hera gets enough credit for how funny she is. "scans do indicate a percentage drop in the tank's capacity that is commensurate with the amount officer eiffel could stuff into a crewmember duffel bag"? she saw him do it. she probably talked to him while he did it. it's the tonal dissonance between highly technical phrasing and a very blunt observation. like when eiffel asks her for her top five 'stick it to the man' songs and she asks him things like 'top five lanthanides?' until he says "you're just yanking my chain, aren't you?" and she responds by quoting anarchy in the uk at him. sure, sometimes there are things she genuinely doesn't get and/or would express differently, but the way she frames it is playing with the false expectations people have of her. she knows exactly what she's doing.