#thicc boi eskel
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0dde11eth · 1 month ago
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Eskel: why does everyone call me a cinnamon roll?
Jaskier: personally it's cause I wanna put frosting on your sweet a-
Vesemir: BARD HUSH. eskel it's a phrase meaning you're kind.
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fandom-junk-drawer · 1 year ago
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Ok, so there's a second drawing that goes with this meme:
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I tried posting it, but tumblr wouldn't let me. (Said it violated community guidelines), so you can see it here
@0dde11eth this is Jaskier with Eskel's dummy thicc booty!
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pillage-and-lute · 4 years ago
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An Ever Fixed Mark (Part 2)
Part 1, (here) Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10,
Read it on Ao3 HERE
Just three days after the first installation and 4,000 words? That’s right baby! Because I run on validation and whew! Y’all provided.  The courting gift scene based on a recommendation from @tempered-char. Also with a hint of Geralt’s Delicate Sensibilities, as inspired by @valdomarx +Thicc Eskel as a bonus
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“Come in.”
It was soft, but not nervous, and Geralt pushed open the door.
Geralt wasn’t a romantic. He didn’t believe in love at first sight. From what he’d seen of the world he wasn’t so sure he believed in love at all. He could imagine, however, that if he were a painter or a poet he could have fallen in love right there.
The room was a tiny, dusty study, and standing in front of the window was, presumably, Julian. The light haloed him, dust mites floating down. Grey-blue doublet and slightly darker pants brought out clear, bright eyes, rimmed with thick lashes. 
He had a rounder jawline, the sort that was in style with painters at the moment. It leant a softness to his face. Maybe that was the fact that he was...nineteen? Geralt couldn’t remember.
He realized he was staring and bowed. It was awkard, still holding his gift and the gift from the countess. He looked up, Julian was smiling.
“It’s nice to meet you, Lord Julian,” Geralt said. “I am Geralt of Rivia.”
“The pleasure’s all mine, Geralt, and please, call me Jaskier,” said the young man. He stuck out his hand. Geralt quickly shifted the gifts to one hand and shook. 
The hand was soft but not uncalloused, at the fingertips and base of the thumb. Long fingers, good for playing the lute that sat, gleaming and well cared for, in the corner.
“Jaskier,” Geralt said, tasting the name. It was a good name, bright and pretty and a deadly poison if treated incorrectly. “I have a gift for you, and her ladyship gave me a gift but I haven’t opened it yet.”
Jaskier rolled his eyes and sat on a plush chair, gesturing Geralt to one opposite. “I have my own gift for you,” he said. “Father and Amaria didn’t think I could get my own courting gifts.”
Geralt decided to give up on subtlety. He wanted answers and he hoped this young man, Jaskier, was willing to give them.
“They want rid of you,” he said. It was a question but without the inflection at the end. “Enough to marry you off to a witcher.”
Jaskier sighed. “Just father, Amaria doesn’t have much to do with anything these days.”
“She seemed...” Geralt trailed off, not wanting to be disrespectful.
“It’s all about heirs,” Jaskier said, standing and beginning to pace. “Suitable heirs, which I’m not.” He sent Geralt a bitter little smile and flopped back down. “My father is not a nice man, you see. He’s never taken kindly to disagreements, and to him there’s only one ‘right’ sort of man. Men like him, manly and strong who kill first and don’t bother asking questions later. I questioned him, maybe three years ago, I didn’t think he should raise taxes again. He doesn’t forgive that sort of slight.” 
Jaskier leaned forward, elbows on knees and stared at the ground for a second.
“I think he’d decided long before that, but he wants me struck from the family tree.” Jaskier looked up at Geralt. Some of his confusion must have been showing on his face.
This world of heirs and court intrigue was far from anything Geralt knew, and seemed more complicated than necessary.
“Follow me,” Jaskier said, rising and stretching out his hand again. “You can leave the gifts, we’ll be back.” Geralt set dow the gifts and hesitantly stretched out his hand, unsure if the gesture was figurative or if he was actually supposed to take it. Jaskier took him gently by the wrist and led him from the room.
“The halls are a maze,” he said, letting go a coridor later. “Follow close behind me, you could get lost.” Geralt did so. He couldn’t imagine anything more embarassing than having a footman fetch him from one of these little stone tunnels.
They emerged in yet another dusty hall, lined with tapestries. Jaskier stopped in between two, and in front of a large, painted wooden panel. It had a tree.
A family tree. 
“My father,” Jaskier said, tracing his finger along dusty, painted branches. “Finds it very important that the next Earl be his direct blood, and also his kind of man.” He looked at Geralt significantly. “That meant ridding himself of Amaria’s sons from her first marriage, by the laws of our country, he could have been heir. That also means getting rid of me.”
This explanation did not help Geralt’s bafflement. Jaskier sighed again, although he didn’t seem to be doing so at Geralt.
“Amaria had two sons, both manly and well suited to my father, but not his direct blood. And they were older than me, set to inherit the role of Earl first. They met with horrible accidents.” A shadow passed of Jaskier’s boyish face. 
“Strange coincidence, how a large rock managed to tumble from the ramparts on to Isak not even a week after the same thing happened to Tomas. Especially since there’s not rocks up there. I checked.”
“Your father,” Geralt said, a little numbly. “Had his stepson’s murdered.” He knew nobility could be nasty but still... “And we’ve made a deal with him.”
Jaskier patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry too much about it, Father mostly doesn’t do too much harm these days, and Filip, that’s my half brother, seems like he’ll turn out okay. Then again, he’s only seven.”
“Is he going to have you killed?” Geralt asked, knowing as he did that the Earl was trying, by way of marrying Jaskier to him.
“Not exactly. I don’t know if it’s because I’m blood or just because another ‘accident’ would look suspicious, but there’s an easier way.” Jaskier pointed to a name circled in blue. “That’s my aunt Matylda, father’s older sister. She got married, which officially makes her part of her husband’s family tree, not ours, and she can no longer inherit,” Jaskier paused. “If she weren’t already a woman, I mean.”
“But we’re both men,” Geralt said. “I could just as easily become part of your family tree and then your father’s problem.”
“Yes,” Jaskier said, “In theory, but of course that isn’t how he played it. I’ll be an honorary witcher, and my name,” here he tapped some fine script. “Will be circled in blue and removed from the line.”
They both looked at the tree, looming darkly for a while. 
“I’m sorry,” Geralt offered, although he supposed it wasn’t worth much.
“I’m sorry too,” Jaskier said. “You shouldn’t be roped into all this.”
Geralt privately considered that, yes, while he would have preferred to avoid all this intrigue and politics, Jaskier didn’t seem too bad.
Jaskier led him back through the stone rabbit warren that made up the bowels of the castle.
“Is her ladyship...like that, because of the death of her sons?” Geralt asked when they paused at the top of a staircase. 
Jaskier cocked his head sadly, and then continued walking. Aftr a few more paced he said, “Yes, mostly. She wasn’t always...present, I suppose before but when they died so close together, and in such an awful way-- there’s nothing nice about a block of stone dropping on you from four stories up--something broke. She’s a nice lady, just happier living in her head, I think. Maybe she goes somewhere else, where her boys and her first husband are alive, I hope.”
They arrived back at the study without another word. 
They sat.
“I, um.” Geralt said. “Hmmm. I got you,” he proferred the package, not knowing what to say and begging Jaskier to save him from trying to figure it out. 
Jaskier took the package and pulled the string so that it fell open. The doublet slithered out. Vesemir had sent a letter asking for measurements as soon as Geralt had told him the idea.
“It’s basilisk leather,” Geralt said. “Witchers, um, our Path, it can be dangerous, so you should have this.”
Jaskier held up the fabric, watching the colors, deep blue and green, shift across the slick material. Privately, and for no reason Geralt could really guess at, he was very pleased, both that the doublet was in what seemed to be Jaskier’s colors, and also at the awe struck look on his face.
“It’s as light as silk,” Jaskier said, passing the fabric between his fingers. “And you said it’s leather?”
“Basilisk leather,” Geralt said. Monsters. They were talking about monsters, which he knew about. Thank the gods. “It’s like armor, and it won’t burn or get wet, water just runs off.”
“I didn’t know there was such a thing as basilisk leather,” Jaskier said, holding the doublet up. “Where did you get it? It’s incredible.”
Geralt coughed modestly, and tried not to puff his chest. “I killed the basilisk. Making the leather needs different skills than normal tanning, it’s more like potion making.” He remembered that most people knew little about witcher skills and needs. “All witchers know some alchemy, and we make potions for combat so I...I tanned it. My brother Lambert drew up the design, I don’t know much about clothes.”
The tailor had nearly cried when they’d presented him with the fabric, exclaiming about it’s luster and the ‘glorious smooth hand’, whatever that meant. 
Geralt watched Jaskier’s face anxiously. It wasn’t a courtly gift, no crown of pearls or whatever nobles expected, but it had taken him two months to turn the basilisk skin into leather. It would have taken him half the time but he’d had to do it on the road. Lambert had fussed about the design for almost a week too, and it had been Eskel’s idea to ask for the buttons to be little black pearls like that.
Vesemir had smiled at the team effort, calling it the wolves gift to their new pup.
Jaskier looked up at him, face like a sunbeam. 
“Can I try it on?”
Geralt just nodded, and looked away modestly as Jaskier divested himself of his previous doublet before buttoning the basilisk leather.
He twirled, and in the light from the window the fabric seemed to glow, shifting and turning with each movement. 
“And it really will keep me safe?” he asked, looking down at himself, beaming. 
Geralt nodded. “It would take a battle axe a dozen tries to pierce it.”
Jaskier smiled at him again, and it made Geralt’s stomach tingle, although he had eaten some suspect meat on the ride to Lettenhove. Then Jaskier threw his arms around his neck.
Geralt wasn’t old fashioned. He could move with the times, whatever Lambert said, but manners had been stiffer sixty years ago and Geralt was just thankful that Jaskier wouldn’t be able to see the tips of his ears going red.
“It’s beautiful,” Jaskier said, pulling back. “Thank you.”
Geralt shrugged uncomfortably. Jaskier smelled like soap and some sort of oil. Linseed maybe, probably for the wood of his lute.
“I have a gift for you, it’s not as lovely, but I hope you like it.”
Geralt carefully took the package. It was wrapped much prettier than his had been. “The countess already...”
“That was from her,” Jaskier said dismissively. “And maybe even from Father, although I doubt it, he wouldn’t waste money on me. But this gift is from me.” He sat forward eagerly. “Go on, open it.”
Geralt wasn’t about to refuse that eager, open expression, so he pulled at the ribbon, feeling rather like a bear trying to tie a shoelace.
The bright paper just fell away and there was a stiff paper box. He opened that too. 
Three glass bottles sat inside, nestled in paper. The paper was only there to keep them from clinking because as he pulled one out he saw the telltale dark sheen.
Brimstone glass. It was unbreakable. Sometimes witchers carried their more noxious potions in it but rarely, it was frighteningly expensive, usually only mages could afford it.
“How?” he said. How did you afford it? How did you know it existed? Did you know witchers use potions? He looked up at Jaskier, who looked nervous.
“Are they alright?” he said. “Only I won them off a sorceror in a pub. He told me they were indestructible and threw one at the ground to prove it. I thought they’d be useful...Was it a trick?” He looked so upset at the prospect.
“These, Geralt said, “Are Brimstone Glass, they are indeed indestructible and very, very useful.” Jaskier’s face split into a grin again. 
“Thank you,” Geralt said. It didn’t seem like enough, but if he hugged the lad like Jaskier had him he would kill him.
“Should I open the box from the countess?”
“Do,” Jaskier said. “I want to know what it is.”
The latch flicked easily under Geralt’s hand and the lid popped open.
Jaskier gasped.
“It’s my mother’s ring,” he said. “I don’t remember her well, but I remember her hands...”
It was a beautiful ring, opal, if Geralt was any judge, but Eskel knew stones better than him. Silver wound around the stone, with smaller gems studding the setting to either side. 
“I will use it in the ceremony,” Geralt said, offering it to Jaskier. “If it fits.”
“It won’t fit,” Jaskier said sadly. “Mother had very small hands, but it’s a nice thought.”
Geralt looked at the ring and Jaskier’s left hand. “Try it?”
Jaskier did, sliding the ring onto his finger easily. He looked at it in amazement.
“Amaria must have had it enlarged,” he said.
“A good gift,” Geralt said, although not sure who the gift was really for.
There came a polite knock at the door, interupting the moment, whatever sort of moment it was.
“My lord, it is time for supper.”
Damn. 
Jaskier slipped the ring back into the box and Geralt looked away as he changed into his regular doublet. He didn’t look away fast enough and caught a scandalous glimpse of collarbone and soft chest hair where the chemise got pulled down a little. The air felt a little stuffy suddenly.
The gifts, and Geralt was proud to see that Jaskier folded the doublet carefully back into the paper, although nothing could have harmed it, were handed to a footman to be taken back to their respective rooms.Geralt offered Jaskier his arm, like he’d seen the nobility do, and then Jaskier led him to the dining hall.
To his relief, the hall wasn’t packed. They were what Lambert would call ‘fashionably late’ (and what Vesemir would call a reason for three extra laps) and all the guests were seated. A table held Lady Amaria and a man who must be the Earl, although there was little visible resemblance to Jaskier. They were seated with perhap half a dozen other nobles, as well as a red headed boy of about seven, Filip, probably, who looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. There was another table of presumably more minor nobility, and then a small table with the wolves, two seats still empty.
All eyes turned to look at the pair. Jaskier bowed deeply, and since his arm was still linked with Geralt’s he was made to bow too, or else risk having his arm pulled from its socket. Then they made their way to the smallest table.
Geralt pulled out Jaskier’s chair for him and saw Vesemir’s approving nod, as well as Lambert’s smirk. He didn’t see the swift kick Eskel delivered below the table, but caught the way Lambert’s eyes watered suddenly, and smiled at his brother in thanks for the retribution. Then he sat.
“Julian,” Vesemir said, reaching over the table to shake hands. “I am Vesemir, Geralt’s teacher. It is a pleasure to meet you.” 
“I am happy to make your aquaintance, Master Vesemir,” Jaskier said, and Geralt was impressed that he only winced a little bit as Vesemir inadvertently crushed his knuckles in a grip that could moor a boat. He did, however, gently shake out his fingers under the table once he’d been released.
“If you please, however,” Jaskier continued as if nothing had happened. “I prefer my nickname, Jaskier.”
“Jaskier it is, then,” Vesemir said, moustache twitching up at the corners. Geralt suspected he was thinking the same as he had done. Buttercups, pretty and poisonous.
“You were educated at Oxenfurt, is that correct?” Eskel said.
“Yes, in the fine arts, although I specialized in music composition and lute performance. I didn’t catch your name...?” The most delicate question mark was added to the end of the statement. Eskel blushed, Jaskier wouldn’t know it, but Geralt could see the back of his neck reddening.
“Eskel,” he said quickly. “And the asshole who’s snickering is Lambert.”
Jaskier didn’t look even a little intimidated by either of Geralt’s brothers, which was impressive, because Lambert could scowl like it was a contest and Eskel, although only an inch taller than Geralt, was naturally hugely muscled in a way even the mutagens hadn’t managed for Geralt. His chest and arms looked like they’d withstand a siege weapon.
Jaskier turned a smile on Lambert, who was sputtering indignantly at Eskel’s entirely fair description.
“I’m told you helped with my beautiful courting gift,” he said. Then he turned the smile on all of the wolves. “A team effort I imagine.” 
This stunned all three brothers, and made Vesemir smile. Lambert shrugged uncomfortably. For all his prickliness, he couldn’t take a compliment. 
“Eskel’s idea for the buttons,” he muttered, and Geralt knew he’d been entirely won over.
“The buttons are beautiful,” Jaskier said, smiling warmly at Eskel now, who looked like he’d rather be facing a mountain troll. 
“Was Vesemir that got your measurements,” he said, looking down at the tablecloth. Jaskier beamed at the whole table then.
“Truly a team effort, thank you all, it’s beautiful and I cannot wait to wear it.” With that the whole table was well and truly won over by Jaskier. Geralt couldn’t help but brag a little.
“Jaskier gave me Brimstone Glass bottles as a courting gift,” he said, and preened slightly under the others’ slightly jealous noises of amazement. Jaskier flushed a very pretty pink. 
“I just thought they’d be useful,” he said, although his smile was pleased.
Serving girls entered the hall with trays and the chatter in the hall expanded excitedly. A plump young woman set a tray down at their table and Eskel hummed in appreciation.
“It smells delicious,” he said. She smiled at him, looked him up and down, and then winked.
“Oh doesn’t it just, I could just eat it all up,” she said, not looking at the food even as she lifted the cloche from the appetizers. Then she winked and disappeared back into the kitchen. Another girl appeared and filled the goblets but the witchers hardly noticed for laughing at Eskel’s face.
“Seems Mabel took a liking to you,” Jaskier said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. Through his own laughter, Geralt watched Jaskier’s father glaring at their table. Good. The old fuck could choke on it, he didn’t look like he’d ever laughed a day in his life. 
“Careful though,” Jaskier was saying. “She looked ready to take a bite out of you.”
“But,” Eskel gestured, baffled to his face.
“Oh pish,” Jaskier said, taking a swig of wine. “Nobody cares about that sort of thing, do they? Plenty of ladies around here like a few scars, makes men look rugged and dangerous.”
“Rugged?” Eskel rubbed his hand over his face, contemplating. 
“Definitely,” said Jaskier, nodding. He took one of the appetizers. Geralt moved a few to his own plate and slowly their little table descended into a quiet contentment. The appetizers were good, hors d'oeuvres , Geralt remembered Lambert telling him once. They were little bits of paste, meat and vegetable mostly, inside pastry casings.
He smiled when he noticed that he and his brothers were all looking between Jaskier and Vesemir to make sure they hadn’t missed any manners. Eskel swiped Lambert’s elbows off the table.
Eventually the appetizers were replaced with soup. The saucy kitchen girl, Mabel, Jaskier had called her, made a positively salacious remark to Eskel. Something daring about him licking everything clean. Eskel smiled faintly and turned redder than the beet soup.
“You should flirt back,” Jaskier said, once Mabel was gone. “If you’re actually interested, I mean.”
“It’s not that I’m not. Interested I mean,” Eskel squeaked. “But I can’t offer her anything, no marriage or security.”
Jaskier looked at him. It was definitely a look, although not a nasty one. “She asked you to lick her clean and you think that was an invitation to marriage?”
“I wouldn’t want to defile...”
“Oh shut up Eskel, sex doesn’t defile anything. It’s natural and normal and if you think it some how ‘decreases the value’ of a woman than you aren’t the man I thought you to be.” Lambert cut in. “Have some fun, maybe she can remove the stick you’ve lodged up your ass.”
“You’re right, of course,” Eskel said. But now Jaskier was looking worried.
“It won’t be a problem, right?” he asked Geralt. “That I’m not, um a virgin, I mean?”
“No,” Geralt said, probably missing the mark on reassuring, but doing his best. “Unless you mind that I’m not one either. And there is no fidelity clause, and no consummation, you needn’t sleep with me, and you’re free to see other people.”
Jaskier looked at first relieved and then impish, licking the soup from his spoon in a way that made significant parts of Geralt’s brain go numb. “I dunno,” he said, leaning towards Geralt and bumping him with a shoulder. “I can’t imagine consumation with you would be such a chore.”
Melitele’s great gauzy veil, this boy would be the death of him.
There was a pause between soup and the main course, but when Mabel picked up the dishes Eskel leaned towards her and asked if he’d licked it clean enough, to the woman’s obvious approval.
They sat and chatted, Jaskier, Eskel, and Vesemir debated over some old literature that Geralt had never heard of, and then they were interuppted with a cough.
The earl stood, face like stone, beside their table. 
They rose. Vesemir bowed.
“My Lord,” he said. “It is a pleasure to make your aquaintance. I am Vesemir, of the school of the wolf.”
Lord Pankratz inclined his head. “Greetings, Master Vesemir,” he said. “I wish to discuss some of the terms of the contract with you.”
He snapped his fingers and a footman brought him a chair, without waiting for Vesemir’s response.
The wolves sat, feeling wary. Jaskier was looking down at his hands, shoulders shrunk in.
They sat in suspense as Vesemir and Lord Pankratz hashed out details of the legal protections. The main course appeared and the earl stood, and bowed.
“Why don’t we continue this after desert,” he said, smiling smoothly. And it was a very smooth smile. Like an oil slick.
Dinner after that was subdued, despite Eskel returning Mabel’s flirtations. Jaskier looked down at his plate most of the time and the witchers picked up on his unease.
“What’s wrong, Jaskier?” Geralt whispered.
“I don’t know, but he’s planning something, and I don’t like it.”
Then coffee was served after dessert, and the Earl de Lettenhove sat at their table again. 
“Now, for what I really wanted to discuss, I know political marriages can be...challenging,” the earl said in a voice like a snake. “But I wanted to make it clear, should either member express a wish to anul the marriage, the contract will become void.” Here he squeezed Jaskier’s shoulder so hard he winced. “I couldn’t bear for my dear Julian to be unhappy, you see. He’s high maintainance I know, but I wish him the best.”
The earl smiled a despicable little smile. “Now, I think you two shouldn’t really see more of each other before the wedding, yes? Bad luck and all.”
The earl then hauled Jaskier away by his collar.
“What a cunt,” Lambert said.
“I figured that was in the contract anyway,” Geralt said. “Isn’t that normally how it works?”
Vesemir nodded. “Indeed, it’s how these marriages go. But I expect the earl is betting that the two of you wont be able to stand eachother, and so he gets rid of his son and doesn’t have to help witchers all in one go.”
“Yes, Jaskier explained things.”
And then Geralt told his family what Jaskier had told him. The suspicious accidents, the laws, the family tree.
“I agree with Lambert,” Eskel said. “What a gigantic fucking cunt.”
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What’s with my thing about clothing descriptions and fancy cloth? I’m a fashion design major, that’s what. 
We’ve got answers about Amaria, and the reason for the engagement, but what’s the wedding going to be like? oooh, cliffhanger, but not too much so I hope it makes up for last time when I was so bad to you all.
Tag List!  @llamasdumpsterfire @stinastar @aziz-the-fangirl @mordoriscalling @bastardofmothman @negativenuggetz @morte-mistrata  @hayleynzlive @filledepluie @bygodstillam@sociowithatardisachevyandawand @faery-god @honeysuckletook @theflurtifly @saibowtie @werevampiwolf @frywen-babbles @the-kewlest@innocentbi-stander @1stbonesfan @aqueenrisesintheeast  @marauders-fan-account @ineffable-lasagna 
@ailorian @toothhurtyam I’m having trouble adding you, I can’t tag if this is a password protected side blog or if you have Allow Blog to Appear in Search Results off, I think. 
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officerjennie · 4 years ago
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I need
more soft boys.
More soft and thicc boys who are squishable and warm.
Give me a Lambert who shakes his hands after he washes them to get the water off, and his arms jiggle when he does.
Give me an Eskel who fixes the seams in his pants (as well as the pants for all of his brothers) and makes them colorful just for fun. Red and blue stitching, patches where he needs them, letting out hems when he’s gained a few more pounds from the comfortable life he finally found.
Give me a Geralt who has a nice big belly that’s simply the best pillow in the world. Who makes the absolute best weighted blanket anyone could ever ask for, warm and comfortable and safe to be underneath.
Give me a Vesemir who struggled on the path but finally, in his old age, has found a place to call his own. A home, a family, sons who may not be his by blood but that he cares for all the same. Who never again has to live paycheck to paycheck and worry about where his next hot meal will come from because it’s already in the pot over the fire, stew simmering away, his stomach content and full and round.
Give me a Jaskier who wears skirts and has to find a special powder to keep his soft thighs from rubbing together and chafing in the summer heat. Who sometimes struggles to find something that’s Just The Right Size and always beyond happy when Geralt brings him something new to wear, or when Eskel fixes up an old skirt of his so it will still fit him. And who dances with joy when he finds some cute undergarments that let him wear his skirts sans chafing without the use of any powders.
Just. Give me more soft boys.
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0dde11eth · 7 months ago
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Eskel: *kicks the door to the great hall open in a panic* WHERE IS LAMBERT!?!?! HAS ANYONE SEEN LAMBERT!?!? PLEASE HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?
Lambert: *walking out of the kitchen* damn eskel. I'm right here what's wrong? Calm down!
Eskel: oh thank melitele you're Ok!!!
Lambert: what are you talking about? I'm fine
Eskel: I saw a really big eagle outside I thought you got carried off!
Lambert: oh fuck you!
Other kaer morons: *giggling amongst themselves as Lambert tries and fails to tackle eskel to the ground*
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jaskierslastbraincell · 4 years ago
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Pole dance witcher AU
Today has been shite due to cis people cis-peopleing, so screw this, self indulgent pole dance witcher AU. Dedicated to my own pole teacher ♥
Yennefer and Triss have been together five years and now own a pole studio together.
Jaskier has been a student for a while now but he feels *lonely*
His best chaotic pole buddy has leveled up into the more advanced class and has less time for him.
Mostly because Renfri is still elaborating her plan to ask Yennefer out.
Renfri still hasn't realized that she's well past "student teacher relationship" with Yenn and is now one of her very good friends.
Renfri has a big mouth but she's shy okay.
Maybe she'll get her chance during that cross country competition Yenn is bringing her to ??
She won't admit it but she's more scared of Triss than of Yenn.
She knows how to deal with terrifying charismatic people who look like they could kill you.
People who are sweet and kind and sunshine intimidate her.
Triss secretly loves to watch Renfri's crush on Yenn from afar and finds it absolutely cute but won't say anything.
She has a betting pool with Fringilla and Sabrina about wether Renfri will manage to confess first or if Yenn will get fed up and kiss her before.
So far Renfri still hasn't caught up that Triss always seems to have previous plans when Yenn invites her over, wether in the studio or at their own flat.
Renfri is aware Yenn and Triss are not monogamous, but somehow can't put 2 + 2 together.
Jaskier manages to drag his roomate Geralt and Geralt's friends Eskel and Lambert to an initiation course for guys.
(There were lots of puppy eyes involved)
Triss does the beginner courses and she's okay with Jaskier being there during the initiation to get the boys more comfortable.
Jaskier is more than happy to help (and also watch the boys 👀)
The class is a success.
Eskel realises that thicc thighs actually do save lives when you're doing a crossed knee release.
Lambert is surprisingly good at pole has a lot to do with the fabulous looking guy wearing a cats-in-a-galaxy crop top he shares his pole with.
Geralt could be good, if only he 1-learnt a tiny little bit of getting out of his own head 2-didn't forget how to breathe as soon as he catches glimpses of Jaskier's ass doing some more intermediate inversions.
"Are you okay Geralt ?"
"Yeah, just dizzy from the spins..."
"We’re in static and you've been drinking from your empty bottle for the last five minutes."
In the end Geralt doesn't sign up for the classes.
Eskel asks to be added to the mailing list, he doesn't want to do regular classes but one bootcamp every now and then for fun would be nice.
Lambert denies he enjoyed himself until he hears the kitty crop top guy saying he's signing up, then signs up too.
Everyone knows.
Even Aiden knows.
Lambert waits until Aiden is out of earshot to tell everyone to piss off.
He starts dating Aiden barely a month after the classes start.
The boys all pool in and buy Jaskier a stage pole for his birthday.
Eskel jokes that it's just as much a gift for Geralt and gets elbowed in his ribs.
Renfri acts huffy and jealous. Jaskier reminds her she could easily ask Yenn for private lessons since she's her favourite.
Renfri denies being her favourite.
She still denies it when Yenn explicitely asks her her opinion and input with her exotic routine for the competition.
Alone.
At her flat.
With a bottle of wine.
Triss wins a lot of money.
Before you scroll, if you like the idea of a pole dance AU or just pole dance in general, please keep in mind that we owe the current pole community to the marginalised sex workers that came before us, especially BIPOC and trans folks. Nothing would have been possible without them. Please consider donating to your local sex workers’ organisations to support them, especially in those COVID times. You can find a list of emergency fundraisings around the world HERE !
Thank you all, and take care ♥
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g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n · 5 years ago
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Okay, y’all. Geralt may be thicc as fuck, but,,,,,my boy Eskel really be out here having an hour-glass figure-
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0dde11eth · 1 year ago
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0dde11eth · 2 months ago
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Eskel dressing up as Gandalf for halloween
Cause of his own big naturals
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0dde11eth · 3 days ago
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Eskel goes to hooters
He is disappointed there aren't any birds there
But happy he got instantly offered a job
Jaskier suddenly develops a taste for wing night
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0dde11eth · 7 months ago
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Jaskier: ok group hug! Where I'm between eskel and geralt
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0dde11eth · 1 year ago
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Jaskier internally: don't get a boner don't get a boner don't get a boner don't get a boner don't get a boner
Jaskier: *ooks down*
Jaskier: DAMN IT
Eskel explaining he can hear Jaskiers heartbeat speed up when he's near and apologising for making him feel unsafe and afraid
Jaskier trying not to make a face cuz that is NOT why his heart rate keeps spiking
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0dde11eth · 6 months ago
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Jaskier inventing the congo line to hold eskels butt
(He also will hip check anyone who tries to get in his way)
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0dde11eth · 2 years ago
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Jaskier meeting eskel.
His next hit song is "I like big butts and i cannot lie"
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0dde11eth · 1 year ago
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Eskel: I don't what's going to happen at this bachelors party. jaskier's planning and he's pretty crazy. He's the reason i have panties with writing on the butt!
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0dde11eth · 1 year ago
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Actually... it's about eskel.
If you ever saw him in one... you'd sing about it too
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