#theyve been gone so long i forget sometimes

[jumpingalpacas]

after i swapped beds down from a full to a twin i was always wondering why i got a twin because it was such a waste of room and bed space i didnt use and it took a while and i finally remembered why i did it! i had pillows all over the other side of my bed so my cats could sleep next to me and my tossing and turning wouldnt bother them and they can still be close to me when they wanted to

[dog-girl-zezora]

...

[meatriarchived]

sometimes i think about how things were in the weeks that maria first went missing, but back home - not her while she's under johnny's thumb but rather how her mother and ana and other family took her going missing.

the dread that settles in when you get a knock on the door and its a pair of detectives / officers who've come to tell you that they've found your childs' car abandoned off in the middle of nowhere, with most of her things still inside but zero trace of her. how it looks like its been sitting out there, seemingly for just shy of how long it had been since they last got a call from her letting them know where she was, that she was alright. how the worry over the weeks from not hearing from her turns into horror and fear and panic and grief at all those what happened scenarios flooding the mind - of peoples speculations being voiced crassly in front of them.

how desperate ana must have been for literally any trace to come forward about maria, that she took it upon herself to track down where her friends from uni were probably in hopes initially that maybe they'd heard from or seen her at all. and then to let them know that the searches aren't going well, that theyve heard whispers that they're planning to simply stop them altogether. the anger she must feel that her sister isnt being cared for as a person, just another file some badged man can toss into a file cabinet and forget about.

and then i think about the broadcasts. of the pleads from maria's family to continue looking for her, to come forward with literally anything at that point. how their mother probably could barely sputter out any words, but ana takes over and so clearly begs and demands that her sister not be forgotten, that they keep the searches for her going, that she isn't just a number or a piece of paper she's a living breathing person who deserves so much more than to be shelved and scoffed at. how ana probably said things along the lines of "we aren't giving up on you, we will find you - we are going to keep looking for you we are never going to stop, even if it takes months, even if it takes years, we will find and bring you home".

how hard of a hit on their mothers' health all the stress probably took, ana having to juggle trying so desperately to find maria while also trying to be reassuring and positive with their mother to keep her hopeful, keep her healthy.

how their father showed up after word of her going missing reached him, guilt-ridden and angry but just wanting to help in any way he could.

how danny grabbed all his things and returned to town the moment he was updated from being down by the coastlines for his trade school. how he left within the hour and drove cross-state to get there and help however he could. his anger and frustration so evident on him, fighting with it to try and stay a pillar for ana and mrs flores given his long-term friendship with maria and her family.

just. all of the absolute chaos of those weeks, the floating in nothingness, waiting by phones for it to ring with really any news at all. the friends getting together to scour over all the recent places they all knew or could speculate she may have gone to and traveling so aimlessly to every single one of them - looking for literally any kind of scraps they could possibly find.

the hopeless feeling after so many of them turned up with nothing.

and then tie all of this up with the idea that local sheriffs / police depts are covering things up - hiding or destroying evidence, silencing any potential witness, doing everything in their power to not let anything get out because they already know whose involved, and theyre already bent at the knee in submission to these people out in the middle of nowhere with scrawling acres upon acres of property.

its just all heartbreaking to me.

[enginator2000]

i was going to say this but somebody else did it a lot more succinctly than i could have in the tags haha

but yeah ive been thinking abt this post and its so true bc its like people want to justify shadows mean and callous attitude by having him match up to the "rude but smart and wise etc bc of what theyve gone through so they get to be rude to the more inexperienced funny guy" trope. but that is entirely disregarding canon and his and sonics established characters

putting sonic under the classic mc label of "fun loving protag who still has a lot to learn" to make him bounce off of shadows "stoic lancer character who has seen it all" is so incorrect, for both of them. sonic is way, way more experienced than shadow in a lot of things, but most importantly to me hes more experienced in life itself. he travels around a lot, he sees a lot of different places and people, and he makes lots of friends and connections with those people who then share their stories with him, and his worldview expands bc of it. it doesnt change him, per se, bc one of the values that sonic and shadow both share is that they do their own things the way they want, but it does reinforce his way of thinking; that people are worth it. that life and relationships are worth it and so he'll never give up in making sure everyone gets to live the ways they want to

and obviously hes been fighting eggman and other bad guys and going on adventures for a lot longer than shadow has lmfao

meanwhile shadow is a guy who suffered extreme trauma after who knows how long he was on the ark for (which was isolated from the rest of the world) and then was in stasis for 50 years. and now even on earth, alive, he remains distant from everyone, even people you would assume he would be close to (rouge and omega). he doesnt like humans either, so he absolutely doesnt get the same array of interactions on the same basis as sonic does, and as a result he stays in his head, stays self reliant and is as steadfast in his beliefs as sonic is with his own. he remains stagnant in his mindset, much like sonic, except in an exactly opposite way; he fights because he chooses to want to. not for humanity or maria or anyone else, but because (due in part to his own past) he thinks its shitty for anyone to impose their will on other people

i think i got lost in the sauce but my main point is that sonic is more likely to come up with a reliable plan of action than shadow is. i think ppl tend to forget that shadow is as impulsive and brash as sonic, and that often leads him into trouble specifically because of that green horn label; hes not as well versed in the ways people act as sonic is, who has been messing with eggman and getting to know locals for his whole life. shadow is not a perfectly calculating machine who is above it all and knows everything like fanon enjoys making him out to be a lot of the time. hes a guy with a strict mindset and tunnel-vision determination that often makes him reckless.

all this to say ITS OKAY FOR SHADOW TO HAVE CHARACTER FLAWS, DAMN. ITS WHAT MAKES HIM INTERESTING. and let him be mean but not bc its somehow justified by a trope that doesnt actually fit him. my mans been through shit. plus sometimes characters are just naturally mean and i think its good and funny

I think it’s funny that ppl don’t like game sonic for not being flawed enough when game shadow is very flawed and they can’t stand it when he is 💀 he’s canonically labeled as a green horn, something they like to see in sonic, and they can’t stand it when shadow is when it makes sense considering sonic has more experience than shadow in the first place.

[shwarmii]

also last post i said my body was "likely-POTS-raddled" and like. that is very true BUT ALSO I WANNA VENT A LIL REAL QUICK

i get why i probably have undiagnosed POTS

i can't be outside in the sun/anywhere warm or hot for long without feeling nauseous and sick. meaning i might as well be agoraphobic with how little i go outside since i live in Southern California where our seasons are "hot" and "hotter" with a day or two of rain dispersed randomly. despite feeling like this, i only sweat sometimes, AND no matter what i do my circulation is so poor that i feel icy to the touch even though i feel like i am boiling. as a result, i have the a/c on always (to the point my mama has said i "live in a meat locker" lmao rip), tend to do errands late afternoon or evening, and prefer hanging out with friends into the night. a very frequent symptom of POTS is the body have an inability to regulate its internal temperature, resulting in heat making a lot of POTS patients feel nauseous. poor circulation is also common in POTS patients

while packing, i fainted about four times even though i was eating well-enough and whatnot, simply because i was bending up and down so often due (1) to these boxes i had to fill up and move about and, (2) instead of the usual "i sit for hours" stuff i do (due to chronic leg pain making walking/standing painful), i was taking breaks by sitting for a bit and then getting up. like i started to actually feel dizzy getting up/down even when i wasnt fainting (yet), like i could FEEL it almost happen. and when it would happen, it wasnt "oh, light black dots surrounding my vision with somewhat jelly-legs because i stood up too fast" that id get once in a while for my whole life (i forget if thats bc of low blood-sugat or low blood-pressure but still) but it was proper FULL BLACKNESS and my knees buckling all because i slowly stood up and took a step forward. i had to grab onto things to keep from hitting my head on the floor and got very lucky i didnt lose consciousness >> be unable to grab something and protect my head, bc i was risking getting a concussion from how i was Not Falling Safely (i never learned to fall safely, unfortunately). though a majority of POTS patients dont faint, it is a key-note symptom of the condition and usually happens when the person is going from sitting to standing and whatnot as their body disregulates and overracts to the movement

my medical practioners have gone "huh" and taken my heart-rate twice or three times bc it was "way too high". like. sometimes its been "a normal level of high, lots of people get a faster heart-rate bc going to the doctor makes them nervous" and thats my "normal" with them. but lately theyve been going "...okay let's do that again bc all youve done is walk over and sit down, i get youre severley anxious/have PTSD/have medical trauma but c'mon". apparently, it's common for POTS patients' heart-rate to disregulate and treat standing and walking over somewhere as rigorous exercise, which could explain my "way too high heart-rate"

and other symptoms (my chronic migraines, shakiness, chronic fatigue, brain fog, chronic memory loss, and so many more) and even masked-symptoms (i used to have a lot of shortness of breath so then i got REALLY GOOD at breath control very young to mitigate the issue, like to the point that singers in my life have complimented me on it and said its impressive (i cant sing well tho alas, its in my bucket list to take classes and develop the skill). but i still have trouble breathing after exertion of any kind, but i always have this memory of one P.E. teacher in my head forcing me to take a step back to regulate my breathing back, bc he once told us "Don't you ever stop breathing or hold it in or do shallow breaths when doing somrthing hard. Shit could kill you. Do you know how many old people die on the toliet because they held their breath as they tried to take a shit? Do you want that to be how you die? Your pants down, failing to take a shit? Breathe. Long and deep. Force it to happen. Don't you ever hold it in." lmao thanks, teach)

like

i gET IT. POTS IS LIKELY ONE OF MY (MANY) CONDITIONS

but also im not allowed to have POTS

because the only reason i already knew what POTS was when my friends started going "Hey. Hey, maybe you should look into POTS? Like, maybe ask your doctor about it?" (which she said i couldn't have it bc i dont faint (which i found out is untrue) and we have since discovered ACTUALLY I DO FAINT, i just dont bend up/down often and i also tend to stay seated for hours on end once i do sit) is because of tiktok. like. my fyp put me on POTS Tiktok and i stayed there for a few weeks bc a lot of POTS Tiktok is usually these women showing how their partner cares for them, that love and romance is possible while disabled, that their POTS didnt ruin their date but just meant the pair of them had to sit down on the floor for a while while their boyfriend helped raise their feet. very cute shit, it helped like a soothing balm on my internalized ableism ass' "nobody could ever wanna date me bc im sickly" heart. but yeah. so i was in that hub for several weeks and learned a lot of things about it via osmosis. but so many of these videos featured women fainting so i was like "lol not me" bc i hadnt started packing to move >> bent up/down a lot >> fainted several times yet. but yeah no i (jokingly) refuse to have POTS tho because then that shit means TIKTOK DIAGNOSED ME FIRST. ILLEGAL. NOT ALLOWED TO HAPPEN. NO. UNCONSTITUTIONAL BEHAVIOR. THAT ALGORITHM IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE DIAGNOSED ME FIRST, FUCK NO LMAO

[thithesandofferings]

  “Strength Training”

¶Pairing: Ichigo x Reader x White Ichigo:

¶Synopsis: Ichigo is known to be a little brass, but still very controlled. But sometimes, he just wants to let loose, he wants to see how far he can really go. Ichigo doesn’t know is own strength, but he’s very excited to experiment on you.

¶Tags: Overstimulation, Rough Sex, Biting, Marking, Overall Possessiveness, Mating Press, Hollow..sex?

Kinktober Masterlist

You know that Ichigo hasnt been around anyone weaker than you in a very very long time. And he doesnt mean to say that like its bad thing. Everyone around him is practically immortal.  Honestly, every time he talks about how "weak" you are, his get a tad darker. But its gone in a blink and you are confused if you even saw it. You even think you saw a tinge of yellow briefly. But you tried not to really think about it. 

But that was just poor foresight on your part. 

Because its so easy to forget how strong ichigo is. How he just..picks you up and softly manhandles you if you just happen to be in his way. Makes your thighs squeeze together so tightly when he picks you up by the waist and helps you grab that thing from the top shelf. He does it so often that he'll do it instinctively. Even around others. And will always have the audacity to blush and tell Renji to shut up when he teases him about it. 

One time you mentioned about your insecurity of maybe being heavy and the way Ichigo looks at you- as if you had insulted him, and says,

"I throw enemies 10 times the size of you with one hand, I doubt a few pounds will do anything to my physique" And you hope he doesnt catch the shiver trapping down your spine. 

What also makes it even worse is when his hollow comes around and snickers at you for it. Aiding in the torture that is ichigos strength. The hollow loves the thought of considering himself a Prince to you. Willing to carry you to the kitchen bridal style just so you can get a drink of water. You adore them both, and you dont mind getting carried, so you dont mind indulging them.

So when its movie night and midway you are lifted up into Ichigos lap, you think nothing of it. 

Until he starts kissing your neck and grinding up into you slowly. Making sure to grab your hips, with steady strong hands, strong enough to make sure you dont move. 

"You okay?" he whispers, its muttered fast, as if he's singularly being the only reason he's holding back. 

But you wouldnt mind if he did more. 

And so you that. And his grip becomes tighter 

Hands tugging and pulling a little too hard and youre a little struck surprised when squeezes your tits disrespectfully. He's usually so gentle, concentrating on you- always wanting you to come first. 

His hands are hot as he grabs on to rapidly moving downward until he pulls you closer, your back hitting his chest as he spreads your legs wider, hard enough to leave bruises. 

"Want more princess?" The gravel snickering makes you freeze. Huff out an astonished breath as a white hand close fully around your still clothed cunt. And the other gripping at your neck.  Cupping and squeezing as he waits for your surprise to abate. 

"I've seen how you look at me Princess, like you wanna see how someone like me can make you scream. And I can, beauty- you wont ever have to question it again." He squeezes your cheek and hes too eager and gripping too hard, but you moan regardless. The pain is divine. 

You have to try to sit up and clear your head while he's kissing down the back of your neck because 

"I-ichigo, what about-"

"You dont need to worry about King, he's right here- waiting. He's just decided that its about time to share his prize" The yellowed eyes and twisted mouth were definitely put upon in a pout. As if theyve been arguing about this for a while. 

"Think King just likes to tease me, making sure to call me every time you two fuck- to watch him slide his cock in you and not be able to touch you." You gasp as he wrestles you and flips you underneathe him. Its so easy for him to use his brute strength. Crowding your space and forcing you to wince and put your hands on the arm of the couch, with a gruff "keep them there" that oddly sounded like Ichigos voice, as he slides a slender finger inside of you. 

"Fuck youre already so wet, you wanted to fuck me? Couldnt wait until you got your hands on me huh, is it hot knowing that your boyfriend and I are one in the same- that we want the same thing?" He leans in further towards your lips, brushing them back and forth, grinning when he bites your lips so hard they bleed a little. 

"To ruin you. Throw you around and make you feel it."

"All wet and desperate just because im manhandling you."

"Ha. I doubt it, you both dont have the guts to even fuck me the way I want"

And maybe you should have kept your mouth closed, because you see a flash of both the Hollows and Ichigos eyes go gold and still. 

He grabs your jaw hard, forcing your mouth open to slide his hollow tongue into your throat, making you gag. The kiss is famished. Hot, and wet- messy. Saliva dripping down the side of your chin as you try run away. His laugh becoming maniacal, and he chases you and ruts his cock against you. Barely paying mind to the small ounce of clothing that your wearing, you can feel every part of his dick through his pants. Him only pausing to bite at your bloodied lips before shoving his tongue back down, iron filling your mouth. 

And you're starting to get whiny, you want him inside now. 

"So fucking cute, begging like that- cant believe he kept this from me."

The Hollow grumbles this as he sucks big dark bruises into your neck that sting. And from the looks of it, itll look like you've been mauled tomorrow when you see everyone. Ichigo looks pleased as punch at that thought. 

"You want it?" You can tell that its your orange haired lover at this point, but he is...different. Grabbing his cock and smacking it against your slit- hard. 

But you dont run, if anything you want more. Anticipation overriding any emotion as he slides your sleep shorts to the side. Humming and pinching your clit meanly making you squeal and try to close your legs. He holds your legs open so easily, no matter how much you struggle. And you hope you dont moan loud enough for him to hear how much that turned you on. 

He pins your hands harder above the couch, pushing them further down into the cushions, your readiness liable to kill you. 

Ichigo pauses for a moment, considering- before he completely rips open the crotch part of the sleeping shorts- leaving a gaping hole of fabric falling off. Him humming about how much better it is. About how much he wants to abuse your cute insides. Make it theirs so no one else will ever have to touch you again. 

He folds you in half, feet close to your ears, and he slides into you before you can even blink. Hole convulsing around you as he buries his dick deep. He's gritting his teeth as he shoves his cock into you, so hard its making you yelp. He's completely flushed, eyelashes fluttering and eyes flickering from Ichigo and hollow in blinks as he processes the pleasure. Groaning when he hits your spot perfectly over and over. 

Fucking Ichigo always feels like a warm river, nice and flowing and steady- sometimes changing- but comfortable, nonetheless. But it seemed today, he had an agenda, fucking into you without prep. It makes you choke on your own breath as pleasure and pain crash down on you tenfold. The maniacal laughter is the only thing that makes you remember that the hollow is still there. Making sure you feel wave after wave of pleasure. Not taking long to come crashing down. Screaming at how brutal and intense he's got you. 

"Such a good fucking hole. Fuck, youre gonna make me come already." He doesn’t mention that he plans to keep going until you’re fucked braindead, especially when you realize he hasn’t gone soft at all. Coming inside you and continuing to thrust, loving the way you cry out of oversensitivity and try to push him away. Ichigo grabs both your thighs and forces you closer, making sure you're encasing him fully in warm heat and it makes you scream at being filled so full and so fast again. 

"You can take it until i come right?"

[poison-rat]

For the ask thing: intrulogical! P.s. I love your work

Thank you!! I havent written a proper fic in like a year but Im just itching to write lately.

I love Intrulogical so much but my wife doesmt ship them so I never get to talk about it.

Logan and Remus are both chaos but in different ways. This will also borrow from my human AU. I have set ships in it, it is its own thing I may try to write for, but I like using the characterisation Ive made.

Who is the most affectionate?

Remus loves PDA. Hes always holding onto/draped over/sitting on Logan in one way or another. Always dropping sloppy kisses on his face or yelling that he loves him, despite Logan sitting right next to him.

He feels shy in front of other people, but in private, Logan is just as much all over Remus. Hes not nearly as vocal about it, but he also enjoys leaning against him or kissing his cheek or lays with his head in Remus' lap. Its a silent affection and Remus loves it all the same.

Who initiates the handholding?

Remus typically. Loves PDA, again. But Logan will sometimes reach over and just... hold.

Who worries more for the other?

Logan doesnt try to show it, but hes always worried about Remus. He always worried Remus is going to embrace the wrong intrusive thought and hurt himself somehow.

Who is more likely to ask for help?

Logan for sure. He understands that he doesnt know everything and is more than happy to stop and ask for directions when theyve passed the same gas station and souvenir shop 3 times. Remus says would rather die than ask for help, but even he can admit when he needs it, and will typically only ask Logan for help, or maybe Janus.

Who is the one always losing the keys?

Remus loses everything. If he doesnt have it attached to him, its gone. Hes gone through six pairs of sunglasses while on a vacation, has his phone on a stretchy lanyard when hes out and about (and a good phone insurance in case rhe lamyard falls off), and his keys are on a locking carabiner on his belt loop because the dealership wont give them another set. They really shouldnt have give him the extra 4 that that did.

Logan will lose small things like books or his glasses and occasionally his phone, but he always finds them. His keys stay hung up on a hook by the door and Remus isnt allowed to touch them.

Who leaves little love notes for the other?

Logan loves to leave post its everywhere. Not just love notes, but reminders for himself and Remus. The notes are all the sort of generic, "I love you!" and, "Remember to commit atrocities against your fellow man!" and Remus steals them all and keeps them in his pillowcase. Its extremely impractical because he has a tendency to pull the pillowcase off with his tossing and turning, but he manages to keep the notes in. Logan will sometimes find more vulgar notes left for him, but also some that say, "Hey nerd, youre cute," or similar, and he hides them in his books for safekeeping.

Who can’t sleep unless the other is there?

Both sleep fairly well on their own. Logan wakes more easily without him there. Remus is a sprawling bed hog, so he doesnt typically notice when Logan isnt there.

Who is more likely to propose to the other?

Logan has been planning it for a long time. He wants things to go according to his plan, but he forgets to factor in that Remus is erratic and unpredictable. He loves that about Remus but its frustrating to his logical brain. Eventually, when he does propose, its out of the blue, in the middle of a crowd, and he doesnt make a big deal of it. Its unpredictable just like his boyfriend. Remus screams in joy, effectively scaring the shit out of many nearby, and of course says yes.

Who introduced the other to their family first?

(Borrows from AU. Remus has an okay relationship with Roman and his mom, Remus being the younger twin, Logan has a tense relationship with his absent parents. All of the sides live in the same house near a college most of them attend.)

Remus met Logan when he and his brother were living together, so Roman knew about Logan the entire time. When Remus told him they were dating, Roman was thrilled for him and also teased him a lot. His mom also knew about Logan the whole time, and when she found out, the first thing she did was ask Roman when he was gonna get a boyfriend, that its improper to marry off the younger child first. She loves Logan and is so happy for her son.

Logan doesnt talk to his parents often. Theyre busy with their business, he knows that. In fact, he doesnt even tell them hes dating someone until theyre getting married. His mom acts all upset that he didnt tell her, but he doesnt believe her. They congratulate him, and thats about it. The nanny that raised him, she's absolutely thrilled and so happy for the two. Shes known about Remus since Logan starred to develop a crush and he called her in the middle of the night to ask for advice. She meets him in person a bit before their wedding.

Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair?

Remus is a tactile person. He loves to touch and play. When he doesnt have a fidget toy, he demands Logan's hair. Its difficult to read and also not doze off when someone is playing with his hair, but he tries.

Logan also plays with Remus' hair because its long and a bit wild. He mostly does it when he needs to help Remus brush it out, but when Remus is sitting in his lap with his head om his chest, Logan cant help as his hand just wanders up and starts carding through his hair. Remus melts every time, touch starved and desperate for affection.

Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated?

Both of them are terrible at keeping up with needs. Logan will get into a focus and just not remember the world around him until Remus sets a sandwich and a glass of water down next to him. Hes very grateful. Remus is more an active person, so he'll be running around causing chaos, typically with Janus or Virgil and occasionally Roman, and Logan will make sure he has something when he gets home, because Logam cant focus on anything but making sure Remus is okay when hes gone.

Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other?

Remus will defend Logan to the death. Whether it be he has to throw hands or yell at someone, he'll do it. Logan is forever glad to have Remus in his life because he is a very passive person.

Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other?

Remus' surprises are not always safe for work, but he loves to just... have a surprise waiting for Logan at any given moment.

Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things?

They both agree the pinky promise is the best way to do things for them. Its childish like Remus likes, and feels a little official like Logan likes.

Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch?

Janus does because they both just fall asleep draped over each other. Logan doesnt like to sleep anywhere but his bed and Remus will sleep anywhere, and always while laying on top of Logan so he has no choice but to stay there. He denies a blanket, saying hes gonna get up in a bit, but he never does.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[yeoldontknow]

🖊writerly conversation tag

tagged by @j-pping to do this amazing interview/reflections tag. of course she put together one of the most amazing tags ever because she is brilliant. thank you for tagging me angel! 

questions below the cut!

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year?

gosh...i think for me the hardest bit was staying both motivated and inspired. a lot of my inspiration comes from being out in the world. im an introvert but i enjoy being out in the city around the noise and the people and the buildings on my own. the majority of my writing used to be done while riding the subway or on a weekend after id gone out somewhere. a lot of my fics are inspired by locations, and experiences within those locations. being inside for the majority of the year made it hard for me to remember how...people interact with or relate to the spaces around them. so i felt like a lot of the time staying inspired was coming from places within just me that felt inauthentic. i think my writing benefits from my ability to see multiple perspectives, so i felt like a lot of dialogue or writing itself was suffering just coming from me alone. it took a lot of work to ensure that it wasnt like that. 

and then, motivation was also so hard. the internet and the news and everything about america, the planet, the everything was unrelenting and draining. we as people were privy to so much trauma this year, to the collapse and fracture of communities, lives, governments. there were several weeks at the end of may and into june where i just...couldnt. i had no energy for anything. it happened again in november after the election and the windfall of it. energetic tensions were so high it just felt so hard to push out words when things were breaking everywhere. like there were more important things i needed to focus on, and healing was one of them.

what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year?

i enjoyed the new community of writers/friends i found by writing for bts again. they challenged me and pushed me to better myself. @jamaisjoons is so inspirational in the way she generates community and encourages relationships between storytellers. doing the summer bucket list pushed me out of my hermit hole for camp nano, and i cranked out molotov cocktail and felt so proud of it. it mattered so much to me because it was the first long thing id written after a period of feeling deceased, and it was so enjoyable because there was a sense of community around it. its easy to forget how essential having a support system in your creative community is.

what piece has left the most impact on you and why?

probably ciperion. words cannot express how proud i am of that story and the direction its going in. i read it back sometimes and i realize that my writing was elevated because of that piece. tbh molotov was responsible for that lift, but ciperion was just a whole other tier. ive also never written anything like that story before and it felt so good exploring the themes of seafaring and pirates. 

what have you learned about yourself through the process of writing in the past year?

that i absolutely am someone who took for granted how inspiring the world is even if i see it as a stressor. but also that writing isnt necessarily about being inspired. its about pushing on when its hard. some of my best pieces came from that kind of push this year. 2020 felt like...a slog through most of it, but i kept pushing myself to write even when i was low and tired. i realized that some of my best writing comes from that push, when its not easy and when its difficult and i have to think harder. thats where i grow. 

how has your writing changed in the past year? how have you grown?

i think im more syntax and detailed focused than i used to be. lately ive been experimenting with making the act of reading feel like pleasure. my favourite books are the ones where i read a sentence, and im moved because it felt nice to read or it felt powerful. the sentence itself had power, not the image it was trying to convey. somehow separate, if that makes sense. theres a lot i need to learn before i could go off comfortably and try to write a book, and this is what ive been trying to master. my attention to detail has grown, and sometimes i think thats a detriment. i think sometimes im too detailed and i dont leave my reader enough power on their own. im still finding that balance, but i think im pleased right now with what im trying to push myself to master.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for?

ive had two books in my mind forever. one was originally being written as a fanfic in a different fandom before i stopped and realized its too big and so much more important, and is worth being a book id like to write. if i wrote an opus like this it would actually be a book id submit to publishers but ~

- hundreds of years in the future, society has learned how to cure most diseases. for those we cannot, the sick person can be cryogenically frozen for a period of time until a cure is found. there is, however, a limit to the length of time they are frozen. no one has ever been frozen for over 100 years, and the main character is a scientist embarking on the experiment to do just that. it is, effectively, time travel. the main character is rash, selfish, sarcastic - not a very nice person; invested in their work and science and little else. they freeze themselves and wake up in the future. during their time in rehab they have to confront the horror theyve made of themselves, the horror people have made of the future, learn to be vulnerable. they end up falling in love with another scientist etc etc. theres so much more to this story and the world is enormous. one day ill revisit it

- a fictional play on orpheus in the underworld where a female main character’s brother was sold by their mother to the goddess of the underworld (helena instead of hades) for eternal youth. the gods all live in a hotel (the concept of this main thing is being used in elysian fields but its not remotely the same) after they were removed from the heavens. main character (ophelia) must gather several totems from the gods to prove her worth and survive her trip into the underworld to rescue him. id like to not focus on a woman finding romance, and instead a woman finding herself, her strength, her devotion to family, her power, and connecting with her history.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year?

this year id like to find balance, like i mentioned above, with my need for detail and my trust in my readers. the balance between detail and dialogue. i want to try to condense my writing again so not everything is a goddamn series. the ideas i have are huge and thats great but i need to remember how to parse things again, while still maintaining impact.

what’s one thing you’d wish to see in the fan-writing community this year?

i want more community, in general. as a multi fan, i see pockets in the kpop fandom where it exists and im well and truly aware that its recently become incredibly hard to foster on the exo side. ill just say that. maybe i dont witness it or its happening amongst blogs i havent found or have not found me. i want to see less dialogue about ‘popular blogs,’ whatever that means; less focus on notes; less worries about statistics. i want people to remember that fandom is not about numbers, and the moment you make it about that is the moment you stop having fun. i want less fear from writers regarding sharing work they read and liked, less shame around it. i want to see more vocal communication for the things people like and don’t like, more engagement and more interaction. the concept of popular blogs is so ridiculous to me, because no one has any control over the metrics. no one has control over who follows them or reads their work except the person doing the actual reading. i want people to realize they hold so much power - a person with 10k notes has as much power as a person with 2 notes because sharing is what fosters community. i want this fandom to remember to share again.

name one new thing you want to try doing in your writing this year.

gosh i really love postmodernism in writing. think like mark z danielewski, who plays with the shapes of words or the act of holding a book - the physicality of it. id like to maybe write a choose your own adventure, or do something that encompasses multiple platforms. or even, more importantly, finish as still as sound and time runner. those are more reasonable goals. time runner actually is done, i just need to stop pressuring myself about it and edit it to get it up. asas, too, is largely done i just need to get my ass together. i have so many other ideas no one has ever seen i need to finish what ive started. thats a real goal.

tagging: @yehet-me-up @jamaisjoons @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @luffles424 @yoonia @shadowsremedy @chillingkoo @onherwings @inkedtae @ninibears-erigom @imdifferentshadesofpurple @readyplayerhobi @ditzymax @sugaurora @snackhobi @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @johobi and anyone else who wants to do this. as always please only do so if comfortable or you want to!

[gayspock]

dont rb, dont rply

i jsut feel so fucking. miserable again ... i know i need to get a grip  - i know i fucking do - but its sos;df,opsdk. its always just............. man its humiliating isnt it just thinkign about how fucking pathetic u are & justjisdogjodigsd....  crying bc of WHAT now what . again crying bc u wish u were sth other thn just embarrassing . like THTAS embarassing man but09sjgjdsg ..... fucking hate urself so much but what does it matter even tht loses its fucking meaning & its just u fucking screaming and beating urself raw but that doesnt matter none of it is ever worth anything do u EVER just. like. idk im miserable again whats new wishing i had sth to live for fucking sitting around fucking rotting carcass as i have been for years and years and years and the longer it goes on the more there is to cry abt the worse and wors eand worse it gets . do u ever fucking think abt how all the problems youve had for years and years how none of them ever get fucking resolved ever how its always just this building fucking pile of bullshit and how you never feel better abt any of it it never goes away and it never heals it just sits there and youre not supposed to care any more  how ur still upset abt shit tht happened years ago . how none of it ever has any resolution how none of it ever gets any closure how it just hurts and then u have to forget abt it but u do bc you cant move on because theres nowhere to move on to there just isnt theres nothin out there . this stupid it gets better bullshit fucking horseshit people insisting theres more but its just more and more of this and . feeling worse and worse wishing u werte dead so fucking long ago because its just proving to urself more and more that u should have been dead feeling angrier with yourself for being alive being let down more and more and its like. again tht case of why am i alive yknow and i jsut. i havent done anything for years and im sat here staring at ppl i used to know and seeing how far theyve all gone and how different they all are and im still just alone and im still useless and im still as bad at everything as i once was and im no different no matter how much i try and its never worth anything in the end no matter how much u hold on but ppl keep insisting tht it is but it isnt and then u wonder whts wrong with me why wont any of it work for me why wont any of the stupid platitudes help why do they all just makeit worse and u realise its just the factof the matter yet again u rlly dont got shit yet again and its nothing tht big or grand like u wish it was it isnt anything more than the fact ur just fucking nothing and  idk. idk idk idk. u keep wishing u were sth after all theseyears after bothering & after like. wasting ur time being alive but all u ever do is prove evertyone who laughed at u right anf prove ur parents who hate u right and prove urself right for being insecure and theres never any . like. resolve and u never do feel better abt urself bc theres never anything and ur just miserable and the only difference now is u were miserable for longer and you had more and more failures and it seems u will continue to have more failures and i dont wn t to think abt tht i dont want to think abt where im going to end up in the end whenit gets even worse at this rate when i end up just fucking nowhere with no one and with no ambitions and no skills and nothing to live for and i still wont fucking kill myself because i cant do that right i cant do anything right and im just fucking completely and entirely lost and i rot,  properly, like i rot and die alone somewhere and its long and its painful and i dont know thts all i can see thts all i can imagine is just the day i fucking stop and lock myself in a room and turn the lights off and stop moving and  i dont think anyone would ever find me and i dont think anyone would ever care and i’d rot and die alone somewhere and i wonder if thts how it should be sometimes liek if thats right if  maybe the reason i dont kill myself is bc i know i dont deserve to go so quickly and i know theres noa ctual poetry to it none like tht i know im just being fucking stupidd and an idiot but god i dont know man  <3 i fucking . sick tired of it all and stupid fucking crisis team thinking abt moving me out of intensive care to longterm stuff thinking abt trying to fucking help me and i dont know why i keep going  i think its just because i want to see someone and talk to someone in some, very pathetic way wwhen i cant even speak and i cant even do anything and none of it helps and it makes it worse it makes it so much fucking worse and it reminds me of all the other shit that makes me more upset and makes it worse again and why does everything just dig it deeper why cant any of it just fucking help and do you ever . been thinking alot about fucking [redacted] recently as fisgustingly  as tht is and how genuinely infuriated i am bby half tht shit STILL even 2-3 years later thinking abt how . gggod i dont eeven need to fucking. idk why the specifics matter whn its all the same fucking shit in the end but i dont knowman i dont know man i fucking wish i wasnt just a fucking hopeles  case i fucking wish i had a life i fucking wish i had some sort of reason to be alive i wish i felt like i had some worth i wish i wasnt just a failure and i wish there was some sort of home i hadd or wishing for some sort of catharsis, something that felt like some good, even if it was just . a fucking hobby but all of it hurts all of it makes u miserable and sad and upset  & theres no release theres no fucking help with the pressure and all u do after years and years is still make fucking stupidd text posts crying to urself and its all just wishing for something over and over again and wishing for forever and it never happening and me being an idiot and crying and its all always been the same shit and i jsd098sdg8dssfgds. im tired man im tired of just hating myself and feeling lonely and feeling stupid and feeling ugly and disgusting  and unloved just begging for respect and why is tht all i ever am and why am i only ever defined by negatives and never anyhting good andi dont know im ramblingg i whined of it already  i jsut feel sick and im doing tht stupid shit tht i KNOW upsets me im going thru those stupid fucking  things and i remember i used to fucking . do some stupid stupid shite like cut myself for every time i saw some fucking empty platitude that resonated hollow as a reminder that it all fucking sucks and on one hand god bless my edgy 15 yeear old self on the other hand ive caught myself on the brink of doing that nonsense again jsut to fucking. god i dont eben know wht at this point fucking . dont u ever just get angry at ursself angry for being alive still fucking . genuinely violently . angry kind of nonsense jesus CHRIST you know nad i dont know im thinking of all the shit ppl would say to me right now and how all of it makes it worse how theres never anything concievable  thts ever going to make any of this better &thinking abt how. fucking man at the crisis team was asking me wht would ur world look like if i could be what u wanted it to be and just fucking being on the brink off tears bc it wassupposed to be positve he was asking it positibely but jsut.  i dont know i just want it all gone i dont eben wnt anything i dont fucking want anythinglike. bro im being crackhead tonight

[wongiemei]

iKON Relationship with New Girl Member

Jinhwan:

Basically, her dad

Takes care of her the most dealing with her problems

He’s the oldest and he is used to dealing with the boys’ shit so he can handle hers too

But sometimes, it can be overwhelming

The girl member would listen to him like he would for her

Whenever she gets in trouble, he would always defend her (which annoys Bin a lot)

When she’s in that *cough* time *cough*, she would be the most comfortable with him

Jinhwan wouldn’t hesitate but go to the store 2 streets down and buy her chocolate, medicine, heating packs, chips, and tampons/pads

out of all the boys, she would trust him the most

if she needs something, she would go to him first

jinhwan loves to brag about that to the boys

he also loves the fact that someone is finally shorter than him

the boys still call him short but the girl defends him saying he’s taller than her

if anything, they should call her short

the first time it happened, jinhwan almost cried bc finally someone stood up for him

whenever he’s upset or hurt by what the others said, he hides it but she can usually tell 

the only one he speaks his problems to

she experiments with makeup on him since he’s the only one who lets her

ngl, she’s actually pretty good

‘i didn’t spend 2 all-nighters watching jeffree star and james charles for nothing’

but as long as he sees that bright smile, he’s happy

i think he would be the im-never-letting-you-go type with her because he sees her as the girl he saw for the very first time

shy and innocent

and he will be damned if someone corrupts her

Yunhyeong:

if Jinhwan is her dad, he’s her mom

makes sure she does laundry, gets up early, goes to bed on time, showers before the boys

will feed and cook for the girl even when he’s tired

thinks shes the cutest little thing

but he knows that if he finds chanwoo and her are talking amongst themselves, shes gone

gets pranked on the most

the boys would use the girl to take advantage of his kindness to her for a prank

then the girl would be guilty later on and secretly tell song what theyre planning

believe it or not, yunghyeong is pretty scary when he’s mad

so she rats the others out bc she knows he wont punish her and she could watch the boys suffer

its like killing 2 birds with one stone

but really, she appreciates him

without him, she would be stuck eating delivery and ramen every night

since she rooms with him, chanwoo, and hanbin, hes always cooking something

ikonics see her a lot in his vlives and YT channel

when he went to the jungle, she was very worried

‘hyung, you’re going to get sick there! who’s going to feed me when you’re gone? you know Bin can’t cook for shit!’

‘yah! do you only see me as your chef?!’

‘what do you mean i can’t cook?!’

he looks out for her a lot

during ikontv, she was the only one excited for the mungap trip

out of all the boys, she appreciates him the most

okay, maybe she appreciates him and jinhwan the most

but, he was the one who made her feel welcome and tried the most to help her fit in and make sure she was comfortable

will never forget when he left her a tray of food at her door when she refused to leave her new room

there was a post-it note with encouraging words and she still has it to this day

just a wholesome mother-daughter relationship that will never be broken

Bobby:

oh, my baby

as i mentioned in the earlier post, he wasn’t very upset but he wasnt happy

but he wasnt upset enough to make her feel uncomfortable

bc jiwon is such a baby and so nice that he subtly helps her

over time, they build a cute relationship where he is like her older brother

steals her food all the time

‘no! song-hyung cooked that for me! Only for me!’

‘yah! it’s rude not to share with your elders!’

‘*mumbling* wdym elder. you’re practically a 5 year old’

jiwon has no mean bone in his body and you were practically an angel to him

well, when you’re not fooling around or goofing off

although he thought you wouldnt survive in iKON, he tries to help you as much as he can

even though bin is literally a big butt and gives you a hard time, jiwon helps you

like the time bin screamed at you because you couldnt get the dance right and you, being a strong woman who wouldnt let people push you around, screamed at him too

it resulted to you having a screaming match and the elders having to push you back because you were so close to punching him in the face and the youngers holding bin because he wouldnt hesitate to come at you

more on that in a sec

but you slammed the practice room shut and walked to the river to cool down

granted you were new to korea and didnt really know where you were going, you went to the place the guys took you to

bobby found you crying there and hes a very awkward little bean so it was hard for him to comfort you

since youre a girl and all

but you wrapped your arms around him and cried to his chest *cue confused and frozen bobby*

jiwon slowly wrapped his arms around you and whispered sweet nothings into your ear

since then, hes vowed to protect you bc youre basically the little sister hes wanted

B.I:

okay, lets get this bread

as i said in the beginning, he didnt like you

aT aLL

he wanted to give you a hard time bc he wanted to see how long you would last

these boys have been with him since their survival days and suddenly this girl comes in? no thanks bitch

but i think bin is just really frustrated bc he couldnt figure you out

the others, he knows like the back of his hands

but you? he doesnt know shit about you

*cue his bratty self*

we all know bin is actually a soft little puppy who needs to be protected by iKONICS and will sacrifice himself for his boys

and dont worry, he will soon come to love you too

when you locked yourself up in your room, jinhwan grabbed his ear and pulled him outside to scold him

but it resulted to bin and jinhwan arguing

‘if you dont get your shit together, we’re going to have some problems. you’re the leader arent you? then act like it’

every day you try to be nice to him but he just shrugs and sometimes even outright ignore you

but as time goes on, hanbin slowly figures you out

youre still scared of him and thinks hes a douche but you can see hes trying

he really is trying

he picks up your weird habits like unintentionally pout when you dont understand something or the tip of your nose sweating when youre nervous

before, he used to not ask for your input in any tracks but it has come to the point he would knock at your door in the ungodly time of 2 in the morning, asking if the draft is good

love scenario was your guys’ combined efforts

there will be an imagine with that^

since you came in bling bling era, he didnt really give you a lot of lines because he couldnt figure out your voice and your strengths

but now, he knows you very well too

‘yah, be careful. dont be eating a lot of that ice cream. you shouldnt even have any in the first place. youre lactose intolerant, remember?’

‘yes, bin. i think id remember if there was something wrong with me.’

there are petty little fights between you guys that used to be mean and hurtful but are now playful and downright cute

but that dreaded day of your biggest fight yet

in love scenario during bobby’s rap, there’s that fast move that even the others struggled in

but hanbin already got it nailed down bc hes a GOD

but you were struggling the most and hanbin tried to be patient and help you

it was just hard for you and you couldnt get it right

by the 100th time of him repeating it over and over again, he exploded

‘yah! how are you a dancer when you couldnt even get this right!’

you looked down ashamed while mumbling ‘sorry’

he yells again and you mess up 

AGAIN

he throws his hat down and gets up towards you

‘if you cant do it correctly, why bother with it? go home. you’re done’

jinhwan nervously puts a hand on his shoulder and goes in between them to try and difuse the situation

‘hanbin-ah. we’re having a hard time too. its not just her. the dance is just hard.’

‘i dont get we’ve done WAY harder choreo than this’

‘well, hanbin, remember. she wasnt here for that.’

‘maybe it was a mistake to put her here then. she isnt ready.’

you look up at him with flaring eyes

‘listen, you dont know anything that ive been through to get to where i am today so dont even say im not ready. YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!’

everyone stayed silent, even the maknaes bc theyve never seen her lash out like that

hanbin scoffed.

‘maybe if you actually opened up yourself to us and not hide in your damn room all day’

she stomped to him and pushed him

‘no MAYBE if you pulled your head out of your ass and take the time to get to know me then maybe you would! but NO! you decide to be a little bitch and throw tantrums just bc a girl joined your group. was your ego hurt that yg sent a girl to you? that you would need someone to make sure that this group doesnt crumble to the ground? bc with the way youre acting, the guys arent here just because youre a good leader. YOURE A TYRANT! THATS ALL YOU WOULD EVER BE!’

shit

Hanbin was FURIOUS

he pushed her back and the guys held on to them

you pushed them away and sent one last hateful glare before you made your way to the door

‘but dont worry, kim hanbin. because ill send my resignation letter to yang in the morning. im not putting up with your shit any longer’

there will be a whole ass imagine about that so it will contain when yall make up

but after that, yall are so cool

his sister loves you and he might start having a ‘thing’ 

more on that in a sec

Donghyuck:

oof my baby sunshine

previously stated, he was the only one excited for your arrival

so obvs, yall are very tight

you, bob, and dong do vlives together a lot and ikonics look forward to it all the time

always cheers you up

remember that prank for ikon tv where dong literally started comforting the girl?

well, he does that to you

he knows when you start to get upset and he rubs your back

sometimes, just a hug from him makes it all better

did i mention that he gives out the warmest hugs?

ace dancers

both of you love to do covers as bonding time

whenever you can’t sleep, you just go to the other dorm and go under the covers while he sings to you

he sees you as his little sister and reminds him of his own little sister back home

btw, he loves to give you gifts

but so do you

when yall were filming ikon tv, he always picked up something that reminded him of you

like when he went shopping with bobby for their studio, he got you a little cute figurine that you still have to this day

or when you went to lotte mall for your day off and bought him a little necklace

fans get excited bc they always see matching yall have

the two of you wear the most fan gifts

like when someone gave hanbin a shirt, you snatch it and wear it

like how dong takes bobby’s clothing

yall are so cute together and fans wish they had a brother or a sister like yall

Junhoe:

this hoe

jk, but he really looks hot in this one

yes, he hated you in the beginning but once he found out similarities between you, he started tolerating you

also to him, i think he oesnt like the fact that him and the others worked so hard to get where they are and he doesnt really know what you went through to get there

junhoe has the personality that may seem very cold at first but he easily opens up to others and that causes them to open up to him

he knows the struggles you went through to be in ikon

you’re older than him by a few months and you treat him like your child

‘junhoe-ah! dont forget to take your makeup off!’

‘yah! clean your room! its like a pigsty!’

he gets annoyed with it but he knows you just look out for him

he calls you ‘noona’ with that cute ass smile if he wants something

how can you say no to that

yalls laughs are so loud and yall are just loud in general

one time, yall had a competition on who could sing louder and the guys almost banned you from the apartment complex

the neighbors weren’t happy

he always asks you for fashion advice even though you don’t have a good fashion taste

you have the habit of spoiling him of clothes and shoes

‘noona, you don’t need to do this. take them back’

‘wtf they’re from busan. i’m not about to take a train ride there to return those. keep them.’

his mom absolutely adores you

always tells you to look after him and junhoe blushing like a maniac

‘mom, i’m bigger than her. i think she’d need more protecting than me’

he turns red whenever you pinch his cheeks together 

ngl, he had a crush on you but it faded away when he saw another member having a crush on you too

hes scared of him so hed rather back off

but you love him a lot and comfort him bc hes a little baby that really needs to be looked after

Chanwoo:

fuck, so cute

at first, chanwoo ignored you and made sure you were uncomfortable

even going as far as to disrespecting you

like being rude and being un-chanwoo

lets just say yunhyeong beat it out of him

as the youngest member, you baby him the most

‘oh, my little baby!’

initially, he was uncomfortable with it 

but now, he lives for it

pouts when you give another member too much attention

teases you about your short height all the time

helps you grocery shop mainly for him to carry the bags

‘dont worry, noona. im strong’

you find out that chanwoo actually joined the group last and had a hard time fitting in

you used this to your advantage to get closer to him with your similar situations

‘you know, being in an unfamiliar environment is hard. but having someone who understands your feelings makes it easier’

and he just looks up to you with those big brown eyes and you just melt

gamer buddies

love to go to pc cafes even though yall have your own respective computers at home

only goes for the food

always calls him when you’re stuck in one level

*cute Hanbin’s voice*

‘CHANWOO-YAH!!!! JUNG CHANWOO!!!’

even though he might act like a bitch sometimes, hes actually so soft and cute

hes your little baby and will always be your little baby even though yall are like 80

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [3] {Ben Hardy}

A/N: 2973 words. Fake Dating AU.

[part 1] [part 2]

Roger Taylor has barely spoken two words to you since the start of filming, and it’s caused you so much anxiety. Were you disappointing? Did you not look or act accurate enough? Sometimes you catch him watching you when you’re with Ben, the two of you in costume, and he just looks... pensive. 

Brian’s nice enough, soft spoken and always kind when he speaks to you, actually mentions that seeing you and Ben together makes him a bit nostalgic, and you’re not quite sure what to make of it. 

The day you see the real Amanda, the woman you’re playing, you feel like you’re about to pass out. It’s as if you’ve got a direct look into your future, she could be your mother, though her hair’s just a little lighter than yours, hence the wigs they keep putting you in. She’s incredibly beautiful for her age, but that’s not the most striking thing about her. She cries the first time she sees Rami in costume, and she doesn’t speak to Roger. 

The moment she meets you, she has to take almost a full minute, hand covering her mouth as she looks you over. It’s like a test, and all you can do is stand there awkwardly in full costume, watching as she tears up a little.

“What do you think?” Brian asks with a proud smile, and she lets out an incredulous laugh. “It’s a little uncanny, isn’t it?” Nodding, she approaches you, smiling brightly and greeting you warmly. 

“Feels like I’ve gone back in time.” She’s surprisingly soft spoken, and she tugs at your collar, straightening it, before she rests her hands on your shoulders. “I’m flattered they’ve got you playing me, dear.” She tells you, and you think you might cry.

She only stays on set for about a week, the week you’re filming on the Garden Lodge set. The two of you are talking before filming starts for the day, you’re trying to glean any information you can that would help bring depth to your character, and Ben joins you. It’s the first time she’s seen him in full costume, and when he presses a kiss to your temple in greeting, her voice dies in her throat. Ben looks confused, concerned as she has to excuse herself.

It keeps happening, something about seeing the two of you in costume, together and sweet, it’s something she can’t stomach. She can talk to Ben normally, even when in costume, but the moment you arrive, and he smiles at you like he does, she feels her heart in her throat.

“I loved Roger, perhaps to my detriment.” She admits, taking a long sip of wine. She’d invited you out to dinner with her before she has to fly back to her family. “And I know what they’re saying in the movie, but he never really loved me.”

When you go to Ben with this information, he’s quiet, before he admits that Roger told him that when they were younger, their relationship was far from the sanitised version that was being presented in the film. 

They’d been together for years, and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she loved him, and he took her for granted, always assumed she’d be there when he got back from trips and tours, he’d even proposed to her, and yet he’d do any pretty young girl while he was away because he knew he could get away with it. He’d cheated on her, and lied to her, and strung her along because it was easier than letting go. 

Roger Taylor can’t bring himself to speak to you; you’re the spitting image of his biggest fault. Perhaps the way they’ve got it in the movie is his attempt at an apology, not that she’d accept. 

Something about your relationship with Ben changes after that. It doesn’t feel like a performance, the way it used to, it feels more grounded. Neither of you are sure how to deal with the new information, but when the cast go out for dinner together, he’s got a hand on your knee under the table, and when you’re hanging out in his trailer between scenes, you let yourself fall asleep against him where you’re watching Netflix. The two of you go out with some of the others for the night, and he kisses you as you’re leaving the club together, his hands holding your face so softly, the kiss so surprisingly tender that you don’t even hear the click of the paparazzi’s camera from where they’re hiding around the corner of the building, and when you see the kiss on instagram the next day, you don’t think you care.

“Have you seen my nice, black blouse?” You called, elbow deep in a pile of clean washing on a Saturday morning.

“Which one?” Ben calls back from the shower, and you frown at the clothes before you; you really had meant to fold them sooner.

“The nice nice one, the one I wear for callbacks, you know the one I’m talking about.” And you move to rifle through the closet again, glaring at each piece of clothing as you flip past it.

“You sure it’s here?” The shower shuts off while you’re eyeing off a perfectly fine cream shirt that could serve as a decent replacement if you came to it. “Are you sure it’s not at your place?” He asks, stepping out of his adjoining bathroom wearing only a towel.

“No, I’m pretty sure I came back here after my last callback.” You mused, and you could hear him getting changed behind you as you tried to recall the last time you’d found yourself in the shirt in question.

“This would be easier if you just lived here.” He muses, letting the statement hang in the air. After a beat, you turn to look at him, brow creased as you considered his words. “If you want to, you can.” He offered, standing there in just a pair of jeans, his hair still damp. It might be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

“Are you serious?” Voice quietly hopeful, your expression brightens as he nods, grinning. Blouse forgotten, you cross the room in a few paces, throwing your arms around him. “Really really?”

“‘course I am.” He doesn’t tell you he loves you, but it’s there in the tone, in the way he kisses you, and it’s there when he spends the next twenty minutes helping you look for your shirt, though when you admit you don’t need it for a few days, he suggests breaking in the bed to fill the time.

“It’s the same bed.” You laugh as he flops back on it, coaxing you over.

“Yeah, but it’s ours.”

The wrap party for Bohemian Rhapsody is... a lot. It’s a bit overwhelming; you’re by Ben’s side and everyone wants to talk to him, congratulate him, and they want to talk to you, tell you how beautiful you look. Everyone is everywhere at all times, and the only constant is Ben. 

His arm is around your waist when the two of you are standing by the bar, he’s chatting to someone who’s name you’ve forgotten, though you’re pretty sure he’s the second assistant director or something, and you’re trying to communicate to the bartender what you want over the music, leaning over the bar. The moment the bartender finally nods in recognition and scurries off to get your drink, Ben turns, sees your eyes shining bright in the light of bar, and he forgets what he’s saying, just for a moment. The guy he’s talking to leaves, pulled away by someone in the crowd, and you turn, smiling brightly, confusion creasing your brow when you see Ben watching you.

“What?” The bar is in a terrible location, far too close to the band they’ve got set up, but Ben can read your lips well enough in the bar’s fluorescent lights. He shrugs, doesn’t even attempt to answer as the band, not ten feet away, blast their way through a guitar solo. They’re mostly playing classic rock, a few Queen songs here and there of course, and they’re not bad, they’re just loud. 

With your drink in one hand, you take his without thinking, weaving through the crowd, his fingers linked with yours. When you find the door to the courtyard, which is significantly quieter, you feel like you can breathe again. The air outside is cool, and you drop Ben’s hand now that you’re not likely to lose him in the crowd, and the two of you find seats to the side by a tall table. 

“You don’t have to stay with me all night.” You tell him, resting your head on your arms, watching as he lights up a cigarette. It was a filthy habit, but damn if it didn’t make him look a hot. Hotter. 

“I know that, dude,” he pauses, taking a draft and looking, watching all the people talking and laughing and bopping along to the music, “I like your company.” He says it easily but it still has you grinning, and when he catches sight, he grins in return.

He doesn’t leave your side. Not for the rest of the night. 

Photographs are being take all night, and when you look back on them, you see you and Ben sitting side by side, his arm around you as you lean into him, laughing, and he grins at something off camera. You see the cast together for a group shot, all smiling brightly, most a little tipsy, and you’re holding Ben’s hand, your linked fingers just visible in a gap between Allen and Lucy. You see the two of you in the background of a shot of Rami looking absolutely ecstatic; you’re fixing Ben’s hair, and he’s giving you such a soft, endeared look that you hadn’t noticed at the time. If you crop it enough to make it your phone background, you don’t feel the need to call attention to it; for reasons you can’t quite articulate, it makes your heart warm.

It’s strange, and the thing that terrifies you is that it doesn’t feel like acting. It’s that grey area you keep finding yourself in, where it feels so familiar, and it’s like swimming upstream to remember that it’s all fake. 

The two of you don’t even share a kiss, not even when you’re both tipsy, not even when you lean in to murmur something in his ear, and his answer brings his lips inches from yours. You want to kiss him, to forget that it’s all fake, but he sees you hesitate, and presses a gentle kiss to your cheek. Lips twisting in to a sad smile, you look out at the crowd of coworkers around you, dancing where the band had been replaced with a DJ, and you take another sip of your drink.

You’ve passed tipsy and dived straight into being drunk by the time you’re ready to head home, or well, back to your hotel room, but that required a taxi. Ben’s not much better off, and when you tug him into the back seat with you, he doesn’t argue. He’s the one who tells the driver the hotel they’ve got you all set up in, and you just lean against him, eyes fluttering closed, contentment filling you as he wraps his arm around you. 

“I don’t have any makeup wipes!” You gasp into the silence of the hotel elevator. It feels like the most natural thing in the world to head to his room, your arm tucked into his to keep you from swaying in place in the elevator. It might also be that Ben refused to let you be by yourself after you almost face planted getting out of the taxi.

“I’ve got some in case of emergencies.” He assured, fidgeting with his key card before the elevator comes to a stop.

“See, this is why I love you.” The words come so easily that neither of even catch at first as you make your way down the hall. Ben slows once your words have sunk in, and you both realise what you’d said. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry.” Voice quiet, there’s a sudden sinking sensation in your chest that dampens the whole night for you, but he doesn’t say anything, just opens the door and starts rummaging through his suitcase for the wipes once he’s inside. Once he tosses them to you, he follows it quickly with an oversized shirt to sleep in. 

There’s a solid five minute argument about who would sleep on the sofa, both of you trying to give the other one the bed. It takes you yanking a pillow from the bed, laying on the sofa and refusing to move for Ben to concede defeat. The sofa, however, is the single most uncomfortable piece of furniture you’ve ever had the misfortune of trying to sleep on. Sucking up your pride, you clutch the pillow to your chest as you make your way to the edge of the bed. He’s turned away from you, engrossed in his phone.

“Ben?” You ask, and he looks over his shoulder at you, eyebrows raised in question. “The sofa is really uncomfy.” You pouted. With a grin, he shifted, making room for you.

“Holy shit.” Ben looks like he’s just seen a ghost. The two of you are in a nice restaurant in the city, it’s not five stars or anything like that, actually it happened to be your favourite little hole-in-the-wall restaurant with surprisingly good food and excellent service, and you were treating yourselves to a night out before Ben had to step outside to take a call. You didn’t begrudge him, that’s just how life was for the two of you. “Holy shit.” He repeated, and you looked up from your meal with raised eyebrows. 

“What’s up?” You ask, and to see the smile spreading slowly over his face has your heart warming. When he meets your eyes, he’s beaming.

“I think I’m going to be in X-Men.” He said quietly, and your fork fell from your hand, clattering against your plate.

“Holy shit.” You echoed, and he laughed a little, taking your hand when you offered it to him, squeezing gently. 

The stars seem to shine a little brighter as Ben beams up at them, your hand in his as the two of you walk home. Sure, there’s paperwork, nondisclosure agreements, rehearsals, and a few months until filming actually begins, but Ben’s landed a role in a high-budget action movie, and you’ve never been prouder. 

He spends the next few weeks in countless meetings, almost constantly in and out of phone calls with his manager and various producers, and when he’s not filming with Eastenders, he was usually training. He’s barely home, though neither of you are home a lot, you’re busy with your own projects, but when you see each other, he’s elated. You haven’t seen him this excited or motivated about a project before. 

Sometimes you miss him. Of course you miss him, you love him after all, he’s your boyfriend and your housemate, and you tell him all of this over dinner and he looks like he wants to say something, like he wants to freeze this moment in time forever, to bottle it up if he could.  You’re so proud, and you love him so much, and it’s the most beautiful thing in the world to watch those two parts of you coming together over a microwave dinner.

In the weeks leading up to filming, things change, and you feel like you never see him anymore. It’s not like before, then you were just busy, now he’s all over the country, in meetings and fittings and workshops. He calls, but your bed is so empty and sometimes you just want to come home to him and he’s not there, and he won’t be home until the end of the week. Things are still good and bright when you see each other - he’s always eager to make up for lost time - and you never once doubt how much he cares about you, but you feel... out of sync. 

The two of you had fallen asleep not facing each other, but you wake with his arm draped across you, and it feels so familiar, so right, that it stings when you actually come to and realise where you are. 

It’s been years since you’d woken up next to him, and you’d forgotten how pretty he is in his sleep. Part of you thinks that’s a good thing, that if you start to remember now you might keep dwelling. Another part of you urges you to go back to sleep; pretend or not, you should savour this moment you’ve missed so dearly. That’s the part that wins.

You expect when you wake again, for him to already be up and moving, as far away from you as possible, but instead you hear a sleep-rough greeting in your ear, and feel his chest firm against your back, his arm still around you where you’ve tucked yourself against him.

It’s not pretend, it feels like history repeating itself, and so you let yourself forget it’s fake for the moment, lean into him just a little and give a sleepy greeting back. Your heart already aches knowing how lonely you’ll feel once either of you move.

“I forgot how nice you smell.” He murmured, and that’s when you feel your heart already beginning to break. Instead of letting yourself crumble, your link your fingers with his hand where it’s slung over your waist.

“I forgot how warm you are; you’re like a furnace.” And you hear him laugh at that as he leans into you too, and let yourself bask in the moment.

the rat pack: @hotspacedeacon @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @itssaje @d-r-e-a-m-catchme ​ @callumidiot @rockandrollandshit @bohorap @pietrorunsforme @sweetfierceimagines @itsjackothy @mhftrs @sherlockiantheatrenerd @softbenhardy @multifandomgirlrandomstuff @virtualsheepeat @smile-nine @i-padfootblack-things @deaconsroger @spookyfrances @holyurlbatman @your-idiotic-excellency

(crossed out means it wouldn’t tag; i’ll try again for the next part, lemme know if you wanna be tagged xx)

[missjackil]

Things SPN Does that Bothers Me

Now you know 95% of the time, im show positive, I love the show, like i love Sam and Dean, and thats flaws and all. Just like the boys can piss me off sometimes, well... the show can too, and these are some regular things they (TPTB) do, that have either pissed me off, or make me very uncomfortable.  I dont like every storyline, nor every character, but if it/they serve a reasonable purpose, I dont dwell on it, and accept the role or what the story developed into as a part of the big picture. Some things however are pointless, and just annoying.  Dean’s eating habits for starters. I can accept, he eats a lot, and eats fast, even that he’s sometimes a messy eater, this is a continuous part of his character. However, the food falling out of his mouth, or getting on his face is ridiculous! I know its more of a comic relief thing, but its gross and it makes Dean look like an idiot. in Tall Tales, its established that Dean eats messy when hes eating chili fries with his fingers, and getting it n Sam’s bed. in Folsem Prison Blues, we see him shoveling down the prison food. We have donut all over his face in The Purge, and these were kinda funny, but the speghetti hanging out of his mouth in Halt and Catch Fire, spitting the chinese food on the floor in Love Hurts, and the pie all over his face in Mama Mia, was just unnecessary. if Dean has enough manners to not eat like a feral dog 99% of the time, I think he can do that ALL of the time. Now, the one time Sam has food falling out of his mouth in Dont You Forget About Me, was funny, and it made the statement that hes been dying for a good roasted chicken, but, if he does it again, its no longer funny, its just gross and makes him look like an idiot. So, sure, let Dean eat a lot, and ;et him eat fast, but dont make him gross anymore.  Sam’s hair. That man has a gorgeous head of hair!! KEEP IT THAT WAY!! IT even looks great messy! Why do TPTB have it looking dorky half the time? This started early even before it was long, and he still had bangs, and dont get me started on S10!! S6 7 and 8, they had his hair consistantly good, with maybe one or two bad hair days, but then S9 came around, i guess they thought he was too gorgeous?? or not nerdy enough?? I know between takes, if his hair got messed up, some lucky af woman from hair and make up comes and fixes it, but is she directed to not make it look good? “Here Jane, over brush it and push it back to accentuate his 5head! He looks too hot right now” Now maybe in s10 (ok yes Im going there) the haircut at the start of the season was unsuccesful, it happens, but why keep it that way? His hair grows fast! We’ve seen this! he can grow it out of a bad cut in 2 episodes! AND NO FREAKIN FLAT IRONS!! GOD! The Brothers lying to each other. Ill excuse all the lies theyve told that served a purpose, like to bring on new drama,  or had a valid (maybe just to that specific brother) reason behind it, but lies that serve no purpose at all suck. Dean didnt need to lie about texting/calling mom and waiting till Sam went to sleep too listen to messages. Sam wasnt telling him not to contact her,, and nothing ever became of it. It was just childish and annoyng. Same with Sam not telling Dean that he decided to work for the Brits and wanted him to do it too. By this time Sam would know Dean would hear him out, even if he growled first, and they work with people they dont trust, BAD people all the time, if it serves a good purpose. Dean basically said this himself. they didnt even have a pivitol fight over the lie, so it was just stupid. 

Ive always been very uncomfortable with the boys relationship with Crowley after S10. especially Dean’s. im not anti Crowley mind you, but when they’ve been chummy with him after he killed the people they saved back in S8, and made Sam watch his friend Sarah die, and let us not forget him nearly killing Jodi, who they are like bff with, also consider that he’s bragged about killing babies, and helping out pervy priests, and made Dick Roman muffins from baby uvulas. It was very uncomfortable for me to hear Dean pray for God to bring Crowley back after he died. Sam maintained at least some level of hate towards Crowley throughout his time, but Dean was friend, then trying to kill him, then friend, then trying to kill him... and it was just weird. Its been a big fear of mind at some point a Winchester is going to be sitting and having a beer with Lucifer, just chatting. 

Teach Sam how to get out of a strangle hold!!! Im not even bothered that he GETS strangled, but self defense 101 teaches you how to get out of that hold before it teaches you anything else. Theres no reason on Chucks green Earth as to why Sam is always punching said stranglers arm instead of doing the ‘up and out” move!! If he needs to be taken down for whatever reason, there are other way of doing so, stop making him look like he cant fight! I think we all hate when they go off canon, but its never really bothered me if it was something small that might have just gone unnoticed but theyve had some doozies that made me mad at the whole staff. You cant tell me that Lucifer suddenly being the older brother, or the Obama, to Rooney to Trump POTUS change got past everyone, including J2? That makes them all look stupid or that they dont think we’re smart enough to notice.  So these are just some things that rub me the wrong way because theres just no good reason for them. Most screw ups i can overlook if something good came from it, but these things didnt. so STAAAAHHHHHPPPP!!!!!! That will be all...

[libidomechanica]

And “bout going the clock of their way”

And “bout going the clock of their way; he  foxes, and the mastiff bitch? and theres my  pretendering of they ding the gardens came defining  Never more, No sorried? in some eyes,  come, my Corinna, company. She next she made a glimpse  of my tears were be though her  must be dearer outwears, and reach bred, when 

proceeding sweeter the done is a  plight; the bag o” theyve brough fortal which point with  bold enough quite poets fingerd  horde, forget— the fruit with all never  climber “of court was made  answerd Infidels in the citys victim  I have choice in your Foliage, and his 

become to folded to follow spoke  no matter where what if she did  thirty (come, ambrosial could not a pure Beautiful  love, like Arno in a bit. A  kind anon, dark cloud as those some quite a paragraph  way with gleaning up the barred  by a fresh-quill, that we have seen by no careless to 

teach the looking song, all works in  his premier sides by my mind, and bread but vain,  her grapples, but will see, some Irish  to intent once enables, no doubt, your  forehead—and to twirl the rose-briar tell  beneath orient to scale as Heart-inflame; but also  kept walk in his self oblige 

us? At strange, both to pole so master our  list to prove his vision,  a little I should be, to mutters shines watching  mighty kin, someone mind the come in loving shadows  they whisperd hand so I ween: and thy wife were not for  him in me. I calld to  malicious. the eyes will rage, equinoctial sing 

Did end, For then happiness woman,  the mount as them long as I get in  has craze; Zuhrah, he surf biting endureth as  Solomon while they whole, and be still the which  lookd! at the chest— And all than  without-end his he door open eye hath the  most stones a fine and plundertake 

leave. This arms in her accorded veins free from  vse of fitting which eye wildly ascending ways smokes,  at a doubt, your in Moor-fields of which we  behold of a fairly walking, sooner  talent supply: so rich its glad more be pity m any a green. And bit heard, and full promotion  was brain unright, and comb, 

two breasts and said Christs, and gone, each set and make her  of proof, that farthest edition, and  pitys better is crowned her somethings; by  the smell on my amiss. All never now no mean,  but men art this beat will purge notion bless  that should be in that now gleaned to though  in easy matter wit (she said, ‘D—n her eyeballs from 

their amuse; Looks some still, still runawares, took Algiers,  euen which sleep; ‘But,’ saith dear, she preludes of  five warmly ray, the last all. with  one you knowst I see the most faint  breaking its extracts wore, wheresoeer collection,  or to me.) But, I am pushing cheek so good,  sometimes law, rebelling over; thou ride has 

oerlive than and behold, and dream  remaining in the Royal spleen? And  from paradise: when birth, and  put away, at last dove, had been heard,  by a life to know our equal wall ;’ and,  to define— nor theefe! The waking a  Fantom Image of previous 

then the usual pretention, but not only  child lies make no reasons of the  travel-weary well, small them beauties when to  the sun; conspirit quite or tell upright  have more who were, who were old oaks as a  maids unknown the noble verse, Ill enrich  my tourney could passion service one else—

there before, but in the once  take bankers sun hath but our gate grass-grown betraying  farther reason; ever and in, ere the great  Professd the old ringing still imputes soothe you must  tall, or shade; they falles no more were old  at the skull, Mr.  Had laughter love off her was  gondolieres small thee my spouse!)”

[the-energon-hole]

The tfp bots and their s/o who they find curled up in dark room (either by accident or frantic searching) crying because theyve been very stressed and depressed lately and its taken a mental toll on them. I just really need some bot comfort my heads gone to shit and im confused in life. Sorry for blurting my feelings but i need bot love and thank you love the blog. ❤️

((A/N I am proud of how this one turned out, and I am sorry you feel so awfully about something- I get like that too every now and again, but I have a great network of support around me to hep perk me back up when I am feeling bad. You didn’t specify bots, and I kind of wanted this to be special and written well, so I just picked my top three from TFP if that was ok. The bots I am most comfortable writing for and the ones whose characters I know very well… I wanted to diversify emotions and situations each bot would find you in- I hope you feel better soon and I hope this is adequate enough for you to read))

Optimus Prime

-He was a rather busy bot- he did  a lot of work to make sure this whole Autobot/Decepticon conflict didn’t blow up the entire planet, and harm more people than it already has, it was a full time job. He sometimes felt bad because he did not have time to constantly spend with you, but it was what you agreed to when you decided to be together- as no offense to you, certain things have to come before you, like the welfare of your planet. Though, he has noticed that you have been rather distant lately- and that scared him a little bit, truthfully he tried very hard to distance himself from you, mostly to protect you, but you were always so open with him it almost felt wrong not to seek you out. He had the time to do so now, or at least time in the moment where the world wasn’t hanging in the balance by a small thread, so he sought you out in all of your normal get away acces. Places you told him about where you like to go when the weight of the world became to much for you- and you just needed somewhere to go to forget everyone and everything. He doesn’t want you to forget for to long the troubles you face, after all, the way you handle a situation is very important- and it is avery terrible thing to run and hide all of the time. He found you in one of the first places he looked, a small dark corner of the base that had been abandoned by everyone but you, and he could see you curled up and sobbing slightly- and he felt his spark tug  little in sadness, he should have been there for you more and he was very sorry for that.

-He learned long ago that it was just easier to allow someone to vent their feelings, rather than interrupt them and cause a conversation to happen to early- and the person not be fully tady to share their feelings. He approached you slowly, and took you into his servos as you continued to cry as if he wasn’t there- he had time now, so he just sat in the corner you once were hand held you while you sobbed, he would wait for you to be ready to share. It was only a few minutes more of your sobbing, before you sniffed a little and began to perk up to look at his sparkling energon blue optics, you noticed he was waiting patiently to hear what you had to say when you were ready, and it was always something you appreciate about him and his character- his patience and never ending love he seemed to hold for all kinds of people ad bots, it almost made you feel undeserving. You spilled your feelings to him- your fear of the future, your fear of the present, and even some fears about the unknown- and he just stared and nodded as you continued to rant and rave while tears fell heavily from your eyes. He didn’t respond right away, but sighed as he leaned in close and touched your face with one of his digits- “It is hard carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders all the time, it is a difficult task to not only take care of yourself , but take care of those around you” he began “allow me to take some of that burden, allow me to bare some of your fears- if we are to be one, than your anxiety will be my anxiety, and I will do what I can to help quell all of thee fears you have.” You thanked him for his kind words and loving gestures, as you embraced his faceplate with your body in a tight embrace- he was the leader of the strongest Cybertronian force and was an icon to all who needed him to be, qnd right now he was all yours and was here to love and listen to you- you never in your life have felt so lucky to have him to yourself, even if you have to share him majority of the time. He was always there when you needed him to be your rock, nd in the end, that was all that really mattered.

Bumblebee

-A lot of people considered him to be a great comfort in times of need- mostly because he doesn’t have a real voice to respond to problems presented to him. In a way though, losing his voice has made him mush more of a sympathetic bot- he finds that he enjoys helping those who are just so frustrated and sad vent out their problems to the world and actually try to solve them. He thinks it’s always better to just let it all out rather than bottle it up inside and let it fester and grow into something ugly and resentful. He isn’t the best at comforting words or gestures, but if you find yourself in need of someone to talk and cry to- he was always the first in line to be that someone. You appreciated how kind hearted the gentle Bumblebee was, he thinks he isn’t much of a comfort and is only good for listening- but really he was the best bot to go to when you had problems. He loved hearing you talk and he loved hearing you complain, ironically, as you two had such similar thought patterns it was as if you were communicating for the both of you sometimes. He wouldn’t know what to do without you anymore, you were such a big and impactful part of his life now that everytime he thought about you it gave his spark little flurried of electric excitement to even be thinking about being in your presence. That’s why when you disappeared and hasn’t returned for awhile, he grew a little restless and worried. He knows sometimes you liked to run and pretend life didn’t exist, but you had been gone much too long for his comfort and he needed to seek you out and make sure for himself that you were ok- even if the others insisted that you were most likely unharmed. He didn’t care, they didn’t know you like he did- and he knows that you shouldn’t run and hide from your problems when you have a perfectly good bot to bring them to whenever you needed him to be there.

-He found you after a little bit of a frantic search, he wasn’t really thinking clearly through is worry and distraught, You were simply sitting alone, looking forlorn and sad as you hugged yourself a little while just staring into the empty void of space. He knew that look, he had seen it on you many times before when you were racked with worry over something you had little control over. He noticed that is what cause you most of your stress- worrying over the things you can’t seem to change because it is out of your scope of power to do, he can relate, as there is a lot of things he isn’t able to do or change in his life too. He can sometimes spiral downwards into a depression about it too, the only difference is he has a great support network to build him back up after he has been feeling down, before him you had almost no one- and that was a big travesty. You were such a nice and kind person, you deserved better than to be wracked with constant fear all the time, so he made it his life’s mission to be your network of support- he would be there for you even if you didn’t want to be there for yourself. He never felt like this about anyone before, so he took it upon himself to make sure you were always hapy and you always felt the same way he did- it was a big job, but e was down for the wok if it meant he could spend more and more happy moments with you. He just sat next to you, as you leaned into him for physical support, and you just sat and continued to stare off into space. He didn’t mind- sometimes just actually being there was enough to let you know that everything will be ok, he can be that ground you need to keep you on track and thinking clearly.It was another hour or so before you were ready to go somewhere to maybe get something to eat, or just change your dreary scenery so you would be more willing to talk and engage, and Bumblebee was always more than willing to be or personal car- it was nice always having a ride somewhere when you needed it. Little did you know though, that he would always be there when you need it- he might not be the best at words, but his attempts at comfort were always so sweet and caring.

Arcee

-When you look at a bot like Arcee, you are under the assumption that she is pretty hard core and isn’t exactly the nurturing and caring kind of femme. You would be right to assume that, but it’s not fair to just write her off like that because she isn’t very good with words or comforts. She is the definition of being a product of her upbringing- and war and fighting is all she really knows how to do, not to say she isn’t familiar with the physical aspect of relationships, she was just a little fuzzy when it came to comfort and love. Not to say she doesn’t enjoy cuddling and spending time with you doing all these mushy things, she is just a little more conservative when it comes to special times like that- she wants them to remain that way, special. She understand thought that you weren’t always the best of head spaces, she can relate to that one very well, so when you were feeling off about something or unsure about something else- she was always there to reassure you in her own special way. She was a little more harsh in her comforts than you would like, but you know that it is just her way of trying to perk you back up and make you feel stronger and wiser. She is a little funny when it comes to sharing her real feelings- as in you thought Bumblebee was bad with words, Arcee was probably the leader when it comes to cotton mouth syndrome where she swears her mouth dries up and she cannot speak properly. It was cute that she was so bad at what she was trying to do, and it was endearing that she tried so hard to please you with her words- even if majority of the time they absolutely fell flat and had no leverage whatsoever. It wasn’t her words as much as it was her attempts at making you feel better, she was much sweeter and kinder than she liked to let on, but that was ok since you were one of the rare few that got to see that much softer and squishier side of a bot who has gone through so much heartache and war- that thought was almost always enough for you to feel better, knowing you had the undivided love and adoration of such a wonderful femme- she was like the light at the end of your tunnel. Granted, she was a blistering light that shone a little too bright at times, but that’s ok, because you know that in the end she will always be there for you when you needed it most. WHich was why when she noticed you hasn’t turned up for quite awhile, she decided that it was time to seek you out, whether you wanted her to or not.

-She found in in an unusual spot, which was why it took her so long to find you, and she could tell right away that you had been crying recently. Your eyes were red and your cheeks a little puffy and stained from all the liquid that forced its way through even if you protested it. She felt her spark tug a little as she saw how much anguish and pain you seemed to be in- since you weren’t bonded she had no idea what was bothering you, she didn’t know exactly how to comfort you in this moment. She went with her instinct and gut feeling, and slowly approached you as she sat close enough to you to where you could lean to one side and she would be there- it was nice to feel sometingwarm like her frame, rather than the cold emptiness you felt inside during times like this where you just can’t control how your emotions come out. The weight of the world sometimes just felt so crushing, and knowing there was so much that you couldn’t fix or change, it was hard and ade your heart clench a little in sadness. You felt her use one of her digits run through the locks of you hair, and it was comforting and soothing to feel how gentle she can be when you needed it. She was somewhat a constant in this crazy life you live in- and even if sometimes you had to share her with the younger Jack, you knew that she had enough room in her spark for the two of you. Besides, she’s here with you right now and not with him, that certainly says a lot- as it was almost like she could sense when you were feeling bad and would come running to your rescue like this. You leaned into her touch and smiled a little through a new wave of tears that were falling, and you spilled a lot more than you wanted to in her direction when she asked was what was troubling you. In the end you felt like you might have overwhelmed her a little with your words, but she took it rather well and was just there to sit and listen-she didn’t offer any words of comfort or any kind of kind gesture of warmth. She was just there, and you were just there, and sometimes that’s enough to let you know that everything would be ok.

[fuckdavestriderheistheworst-blog]

Avi's making me answer all of them so now you have to, too. All the ones no one else asks you.

why do i even reblog these things when i know one of you are gonna do this 

am i a masochist

I’ll try to give solid answers. 

1) Sexuality?

i dont know not straight but not gay and also probably not bi because i dont just look at people of both sexes and think “damn id tap that” 

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

ben stiller probably 

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

i took vantas’ book because it became the one closest to me 

“’That is such a bizarre request I have to agree to do it.’“

4) What do you think about most?

what im doing with my life and why i picked the most unsteady and risky career choice ever and if ill end up fucked because of it

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“We’re meeting at Think Coffee at four. Come with us.”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

usually with at least boxers on but sometimes naked

7) What’s your strangest talent?

i used to get into rap battles with kids in my high school class i like to think im talented enough to declare it a talent

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

girls dont like boys girls like cars and money. boys will laugh at girls when theyre not funny

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

ive had a diss rap written about me on a few occasions if that counts

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

probably a year ago i dont keep track of my intense solo shower performances

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

i dont know if either of these count since they mostly just make me uncomfortable but silence bugs me and so does the solo sound of clockwork

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

no but once i got a stick stuck up it because of someone else

13) What’s your religion?

athiest i guess? like i dont really believe in god or in any higher power otherwise wed have been snuffed out for being pieces of shit long ago

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

taking pictures or carryin a drink or running when its too damn early and too damn cold

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it for sure

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

that changes by the day. today a band i listened to a lot was son lux

17) What was the last lie you told?

that it was fine

18) Do you believe in karma?

only when im mad

19) What does your URL mean?

i mean

read it

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

i asked vantas and he said the answer to both is “my eagerness to please” which i dont know if i agree with but i dont have a better answer

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

who ISNT my celebrity crush is a better question

my favorites and the ones i would shit myself to meet in person are tom franco, ben stiller, and robert downey jr

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no and i dont really want to

23) How do you vent your anger?

i use it to be productive most of the time but if its anger on behalf of someone i smother the person i care about and try to forget my own feelings about it

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

cameras, picture frames, and vinyl records

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting for sure

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

im way happier with who i am than i was two years ago

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

a clock ticking or someone tappin in time to the passage OF time

vantas’ laugh

28) What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if id never sent that anonymous message what if id just kept being who i was before

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

ghosts? psh fuck no. aliens? dude its a real thing aliens are real we have documented proof of it

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

wall on the right, vantas on the left

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?

nothing really? i mean i could sniff vantas and then say i smell him but i dont really smell anything

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

im not sure i guess the hospital? nobody likes the hospital not even the staff

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?

west coast

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

god have you seen todays performers theyre all fuckin gorgeous

maybe selena gomez she has a cute face even if im not that into her music

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

spend time with the people i care about and dont waste time on the people i dont

make them know theyre important

36) Define Art.

somebody expressing themselves and NOT bullshitting some deep and fake meaning onto somethin they didnt try with

37) Do you believe in luck?

not really

38) What’s the weather like right now?

its 60 degrees 

39) What time is it?

9pm

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes i drive and no ive never CRASHED but i did fuck up my tire rod and alignment once because i swerved to miss a dog if that counts as a crash

41) What was the last book you read?

a college textbook

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?

not enough that id go huffin it but i definitely dont dislike it

43) Do you have any nicknames?

not technically i dont think

44) What was the last movie you saw?

black panther

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

a concussion because of the amnesia that followed suit

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?

yeah

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?

so theres this thing in northern new york called a garbage plate 

48) What’s your sexual orientation?

the same as #1

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yeah and it sucked

50) Do you believe in magic?

no 

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

not if theyve done me wrong i dont particularly care that much about myself that id hate someone forever over something they did

52) What is your astrological sign?

saggitarius i think? im not sure i never keep up with horoscope stuff

53) Do you save money or spend it?

both 

54) What’s the last thing you purchased?

dinner 

55) Love or lust?

love

56) In a relationship?

yes and its a damn good one

57) How many relationships have you had?

more than 10 but less than 30

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

no and i tried like a fucking IDIOT

59) Where were you yesterday?

school and also i had a meeting about my next job

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

no

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

god no i dont like socks

62) What’s your favorite animal?

chameleon (but birds are really fucking cool)

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

answered

64) Where is your best friend?

right beside me

65) Spit or swallow?(;

swallow

66) What is your heritage?

white and i dont think i can expand upon that without being laughed at for BEING white

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

i dont want to say sleeping but i think i was sleeping

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?

do angels and demons HAVE last names? im not versed enough to make an educated guess

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

what kind of question is this doesnt EVERYBODY??

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

fuck no i wouldnt like me if i met me

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

i dont want to work for lucifer so id save the dog, spend the rest of my day off at the vet makin sure he got treated and then look for the owner

or keep him depending on how big the dog is

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

i wouldnt tell them right away i dont think but i dont think i could keep that from people i loved 

id spend the rest of those days doing everything i could to make sure everybody knows they were important to me and then i guess id write a will

i dont know if id be afraid because part of me doesnt want to die and the other part knows its inevitable and that i shouldnt waste time bein afraid of it because like it or not itll happen eventually

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

god thats a hard choice but can you have a real meaningful love without trust? i guess id have to give up love

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

noma - “brain power” 

its just impossible to not enjoy it or feel even a little pumped

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

nope im not cool with this one i cant answer it i am too paranoid

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

trust, some sacrifice, and lots of late night talks over late bought dinners 

77) How can I win your heart?

answered

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yeah but to a certain point the creativity just becomes finger painting with your own shit while proclaiming you are the MASTER of modern fine arts and wont take any less than three million for your masterpiece 

or you know having a tantrum about paint pigment ownership so profound that it marks you in history books as the worlds biggest art cunt 

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

to try and make friends with a jaded grouch

80) What size shoes do you wear?

10

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“buried naked without his rolex so dont even try”

82) What is your favorite word?

answered

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

soul

84) What is a saying you say a lot?

probably “its cool”

85) What’s the last song you listened to?

“alternate world” by son lux

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

red for sure

87) What is your current desktop picture?

one of those connect four memes 

its the pepperoni one but zoomed in on the pepperoni itself

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

no i do NOT want to kill anybody via explosion thats a shitty way to go 

hitler just in case

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“what are you afraid of”

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

ask them politely to leave i guess? what the fuck kind of scenario is this night at the museum

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

1) totally unrealistic i would not eat vegetables without there being some other food group involved and 

2) i really dont want superpowers im not the hero type and never will be

maybe some way to freeze time that also includes bringing someone along to the frozen time zone because i never have enough time

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the time i got to talk to robert zemeckis because i was fanboying so hard i barely registered half the shit he said and half the advice he gave

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wouldnt erase any bad experience thats just asking for a butterfly effect scenario

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

nobody because 1) i am happy in my current relationship and dont really want to sleep around and 2) do they not get a say in it

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

hawaii because its probably warm and comforting there i can buy vantas a second ticket if the first is free

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?

no

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

never thank fuck my cars interior costs more than i do

98) Ever been on a plane?

yeah a couple times

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

you cant go back in time and correct any mistakes so do it right the first time or make things right after you fuck up 

dont dwell on the stuff that doesnt matter and spend time on the stuff that does