#theyre so sweet and i cannot imagine my life without them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littlx-songbxrd · 4 years ago

Note

A gift to the queen who deserves all 500 of her followers :) I wanted to write something for you as congrats, I hope you like it :))

It's a fairwell/chenry high school au loosely based on west side story since I was watching it earlier today

Charlotte sighed with relief when she finished with the last bit of homework. She cannot believe they weren't allowing her to leave her room, even going so far as to stand outside her door and at the bottom of her window. The brunette wondered if that was how every princess felt before they were rescued, trapped and alone, waiting for someone who sees them beyond their beauty and status.

'If only he would come.' She thought sadly. There was a knock at the door, no doubt it was Tatiana coming to talk about how much she hates the preppy sophomore, Will. "Come in." Charlotte said, barely loud enough to be heard. A pretty brunette girl came through the door instead of the demon in the shape of a 14 year old girl. 'Tessa?' She thought, 'why is she here?'

"Hello, Charlotte." Tessa said with a smile. "I was just talking with your guardian, Benedict, right? I told him about our project for science." A message from Henry. Oh he did come save her after all!

"I had completely forgotten, I'm grounded right now so I don't think I can go.."

"Nonsense," Benedict's first born, Gideon, said stepping into the room. "Father says as long as Gabe and I accompany you, you can go. There better not be any boys working on this project."

"Of course not, Gideon. No boys."

Gideon smiled and winked, "let's go then." 'Does he know? Is he helping me-' "Get all your stuff for the project." 'He does know! He's helping me escape!' She realized.

Charlotte packed up the small amount of stuff she had with her quickly. Tessa told Benedict that since it was Friday they were going to stay up late for the project, and then stay the night at Tessa's house, he asked if any of us minded Gideon and Gabriel staying the night as well, just to 'keep an eye on their 'sister''. Tessa said that they could sleep in the guest bedroom, and that she would feel safe having two tough guys in the house since her parents are in New York for a business trip.

Charlotte almost started crying when they got in the car and headed towards Henry's. Gideon and Gabriel were also leaving, Gideon turned 18 a few months after Charlotte and had been subtly making himself Gabriel's proper guardian. Henry had pulled them aside and told them his plan, that he loved Charlotte and wanted her to be safe from Benedict's control, Gideon could tell he was telling the truth and offered a deal, he'll get her away for good but he has to let him and his brother stay with them at Henry's weirdly large apartment.

She rushed out of the car and up the stairs to Henry's apartment, knocking rapidly in excitement. He answered the door and almost fell down by the force of Charlotte's hug, he squeezed her tightly, mumbling about how much he loved and missed her. If she wasn't crying before she definitely was now, she pulled away to look at him, he was her favorite sight.

Henry felt his legs shake, going numb again. "Lottie, help me to the couch please."

"Of course, my love." It was a running joke that she would carry him like a bride wherever he needed to go, which ever led to him breaking down and apologizing about not being strong enough to make her feel like the queen she is, Charlotte kissed him to shut him up because she thought it was utter nonsense.

She picked him up with not too much difficulty and laid him down on his favorite couch, the bouncy one with very ugly colors and patterns on it. He pulled her on top of him and kissed the top of her head, the brunette rolled her eyes playfully and grabbed the blanket that was hanging over the side of the couch.

She tried her best to put it over them but eventually Henry just had to do it since he was at a better angle than her. She heard Gideon and Gabriel come in, and Henry telling them to put their stuff in the two bedrooms that shared a bathroom and 'Lottie's' stuff in his. The brothers said goodnight before going into their rooms, Henry turned on one of those old movies that he liked, she could feel herself falling asleep, finally safe in her genius' arms.

"Can't wait to marry you.." She mumbled too tired to have control of her words.

Henry didn't even stiffen at the thought of marrying her, instead he smiled and kissed her forehead. "Tomorrow, that way he can't take you away again."

Charlotte couldn't believe this was her life now. Henry's parents and his friends' parents were involved in the candy and food business, and Benedict, who had adopted Charlotte when her parents died, was a food critic and kept trying to shut them all down. There wasn't anything wrong with the food, he just didn't like them. She remembers meeting Henry for the first time, at his moms' diner downtown. That was her mom's favorite place, she went there every year on the anniversary of their deaths.

Henry had just started working there, though his parents were worried seeing as the physical therapy was helping his legs much. Charlotte thought he was beautiful in his little apron. She got the same thing everytime she went, and she started going back more often just to see him, so he remembered her order.

Everytime she came in, he was quick to start her order before she's even seated. He wanted her to know that he remembered her. They got closer and closer during their visits at the diner. She once stayed from noon to almost one in the morning to help him with his shift because his legs weren't cooperating very well that day.

Charlotte wasn't expecting to see him at her new school when Benedict moved them so he'd be closer to work. They had every class together and got even closer, even going as far as adopting the new group of freshmen coming in with Gabriel when they were juniors. That's when things went south.

Henry's legs were getting worse, confining him to a wheelchair for most of the day, not to mention Benedict found out about them. He moved all her classes and grounded her and forbid her from seeing him, he used some not so nice language when describing Henry's condition and the fact that he has two moms. Charlotte was devastated, how could he do this to her after she had everything he ever asked with zero complaints or hesitation! But even during the torture that senoir had started out with, they still saw each other, she still went to the diner with Gabe and Gideon, and she still helped push his wheelchair around regardless if she would be late for class.

But he was her genius, he found a way for them to be together, and without resorting to violence or running away illegally to where Benedict could just get her back easily. Henry was her person, her happy ever after. And even though she didn't like the way fairy tales portray women, he always made her feel like Belle, beautiful and smart, kind and nurturing. Charlotte couldn't care less about their troubles, she was just glad they were getting their happy ending.

I WAS SAVING THIS FOR WHEN I FINALLY HAD TIME TO READ IT CORRECTLY AND IT WAS BETTER THAN I EVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED

IM FEELING A LOT OF THINGS RN MOST I CAN RECOGNIZE IS AMAZEMENT

THIS WAS SO GOOOD!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH HENRY AND CHARLOTTE MODERN AU HIGH SCHOOL SWEET HEARTS

AND ITS BASED ON WEST SIDE STORY?????

THAT WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MUSICALS GROWING UP???????

.......also does this mean i can hc henry as one of the sharks?

......bdjdndbfnndd Is He ErNestO NoW?

THEYRE GETTING THEIR HAPPY ENDING

I LOVE HOW THIS IS ALL PLOTTED WITH BENEDICT BEING A FOOD CRITIC AND THE INTEGRATION OF HENRYS CONDITIONS

GABRIEL AND GIDEON HELPING >>>>

GIDEON LOOKING TO BE GABRIELS GUARDIAN STOP

TESSA HELPING NOPE THIS IS

Put this in my grave

Yes I mean ALL of it

THANK YOU I LOVE AND I ADORE IT

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commanderserwin · 5 years ago

Text

modern AU; one of us.

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

↦ pairing(s): erwin smith x reader

↦ word count: 3.7k

↦ @bluebellhairpin request: You said you wanted this, so prepare thy self; a modern!Erwin x reader fix based off that ABBA song 'one of us'. So like they both together but they are really distant and its obvious to others that theyre still pining for each other but they never spend time together - then eventually they do, and they just can't help that the fluff-meter goes way up. I think youd write that well.

↦ author’s note(s): yes, yes, yes, it’s late!! but this is what my braincells came up with after spending hours listening to that song!!! enjoy & thank u !! ♡♡♡

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

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love does move in mysterious ways. it makes you feel lightheaded thinking of the person you love; on cloud nine, and every time your lips would touch, it ignites everything inside you. it's what makes your toes curl, grin widely, butterflies in your stomach; all the good things. but sometimes, love makes you lose the sense of yourself. it makes you feel so occupied, like time revolves around them, giving yourself whole to them, without even saving a piece for yourself. love is love-- but it is cruel, suffocating, difficult; maybe it's just the responsibility of loving.

the ceiling became your friend and your enemy, always looking-- seeing how you cried your eyes out, screamed into the pillow, wrap yourself in your blanket, or even when your tears has run out and you're looking with your mouth agape-- throat dry, and eyes tired. the ceiling has always listened to you, and you often wonder what it would say if it would speak. would it make fun of you? would it scream into your face? would it bring sense into your brain? would it ask the same question you are asking yourself? why did you do it? why did you break up with him?

second anniversary. two years together. a celebration over a nice dinner, that turned sour and the epitome of break-up.

you stared at the bathroom mirror, looking right through your eyes, breathing hard as your heart thudded louder than ever. the tiny monologue of your brain echoed, making you clench the sink as you placed on your best dress and shoes, as you applied the lipstick with shaky hands. his footsteps echoed in the silent apartment, making you jump when he finally opened the bathroom door.

erwin leaned on the doorframe, his smile gracing his beautiful face. “you look very beautiful.”

you know erwin loves— loved you very much. but you weren’t prepared when he took out a red velvet box from his jacket and that’s when you clammed up, sweat forming on your temple when you realized what was happening.

shit, you thought, this cannot be happening.

“is that... is that-,” you stuttered, watching erwin walk closer from his reflection on the mirror as you clutched the sink. you can’t look at him or else you’d only vomit the words you that has always been stuck at your throat.

erwin kissed your cheek, as his lips brushed your ears, feeling his smile widen when he imagined how you’d look when he would finally pop the question. “no, i got you a gift.”

by then, you have started to breathe normally again. but your body tensed up when you felt erwin’s lips graced over on the curve of your neck, his lips planting soft kisses on your skin, his hands making its way to snake around your waist. he kissed your shoulder, looking with you through the mirror for both of your reflections.

you looked like you wanted to get away, but erwin’s too high off of you to actually notice. his eyes watched you, as he opened the box right in front of you. there sits a dainty diamond necklace, and your knees has started to buckle, feeling his hands clasp them over to your neck. erwin is too sweet, and you don’t know how and why you could do this to him. he is everything you have hoped for yet your mind has tangled the thoughts in yours, screaming; get it over with. he’s not for you. end it. and you listened.

suddenly, erwin’s back on the doorframe, tapping on it gently to get your attention. “i got us a reservation at that restaurant. come out whenever you are ready.”

“okay,” you murmured, watching the diamond reflect its colors through the light. “i’ll be out soon.”

“i love you.”

erwin didn’t miss the hesitation in your actions and lips, and his heart fell. that tiny crack is enough for his mind to think every possible way he has ever made you think twice because of him. sure, two years is nothing comparing to the other relationships out there, but you two were solid. trust upon trust, as if nothing could tear you two down. but that tiny sliver... it painted his mind that maybe something is wrong and he’s too blind to see what is was.

“i love you,” and it tasted like poison.

the restaurant was packed to the brim, and you were thankful that erwin chose a booth seat, away from the loud crowd. he sat in front of you, his fingers tapping lightly as he read the menu. erwin couldn’t help but peek through it, watching at how your eyes would flit back to reality and the gnawing thought in your mind. he didn’t push it because it was nothing; and that’s what he wanted to believe. wanted.

“erwin?” there it is. erwin lowered down his menu, his blue eyes piercing through you. he gripped the menu for a second, before calming down as he parted in mouth in question.

“do you want to share the chicken parmesan with me?” you stuttered, feeling his eyes too heavy on you. how long could you keep this up? you thought.

“sure,” erwin nodded, reading his menu but the words has started to become a daze to him; his mind going back to you, over and over again.

soon, all the food has arrived, and the table turned awkward as the two of you ate, the quiet chewing the only sound from the both of you. erwin would try to smile and nod, sharing his food with you, and it’d make your heart ache— thinking maybe you shouldn’t do it. how could you break his heart?

“say it to me,” erwin murmured, hands beside his plate as he looked at you.

you were like a deer caught in the headlights, as you pulled the plate closer, a ghost of a smile on your lips. “what do you mean?”

“don’t lie to me.”

“i’m not lying,” you lied, sighing loudly as you placed the fork down, hand trying to reach for him but he retreated it. “erwin...”

“whatever it is,” erwin whispered, crossing his arms. he just wanted the truth.

it’s literally now or never, and he’s giving you the chance to speak up, and you took it with all your might.

“i need a break. from us.” you sighed, biting down your lip. erwin remained impassive, as he continued to look, beckoning you to continue. “i think we’re better off without each other.”

“why?”

“it’s not you. it’s me.”

erwin couldn’t help but run his hands down his face, eyes closed as he tried to digest your words. he’s heard those words from movies and books, and he refuses to believe that he is hearing it now, and it’s coming from you. it was the classic excuse from the films, and he couldn’t really fucking believe it.

“god,” erwin groaned, palming his eyes. “are you serious?”

“i’m sorry,” and you meant it.

erwin took a deep breath, using a few minutes to talk some sense into himself. breaks in relationships were deadly— not knowing when or how it’ll come back to life after one lets go; unsure if it can still be mended. it’ll snap relationships in half, but he trusts you enough that you’ll come back.

“okay, we can do that,” he whispered, stretching his hand, as he gripped the fork again. erwin has believe it’s going to get better.

“okay?” you whispered back, lips quivering and you have no idea why you were crying. it felt too easy, but you grabbed on to that. it already feels lighter now that you’ve said it.

“it’s only a break,” erwin repeated, staring at you. he began to eat his food, never meeting your eyes again for the rest of the dinner turned the opposite way around.

it was two years of spending birthdays, christmases, new years, together. two years of absolute bliss, always waiting to go home to each other, ready to be held in each others arms. two years of hiding each other’s gifts— receiving and giving them. two years of giving each other candies that they like, leaving cups of tea or coffee by their work tables, or leaving warm towels on the sink when it has gotten colder. the most mundane things and you’ve missed it so much that it has left you daydreaming of it all.

the ceiling has already started to mock you, watching your impassive face tear up at the scenarios playing in your head, as you wished to take it all back. the tears fell to your ears as you laid on the bed, thinking of him.

erwin did the same thing. but he’s already on the verge of giving up.

after that dinner, erwin parted ways with you, his feet dragging in your apartment as he insisted to get his things he left around. he found himself walking into your bedroom, opening your closets where his spare jeans and shirts were when he would spent the nights with you. he looked around, thinking of what more could he get rid off.

you followed him around like a lost puppy, thumbs fiddling with each other, mouth shut as your mind rambled: 'no, leave your shirt,' 'leave your toothbrush,' 'don't get your house slippers,' while you could only watch him. your heart crushing at the sight of him. your eyes followed his every movement, watching him turn in your bedroom, and he made his way towards your bedside table. it was messy, full of his pens and books he would leave, and there sits a small frame with a drunken polaroid; both of your cheeks flushed, eyes wide, and teeth showing as both of you smiled, his hand flushed against your shoulder to pull you any closer when he took that picture.

"no!" you called out, walking past him to take back the polaroid from his hand. you looked up at erwin, and it was then you realized he was crying. tears fell on his cheeks slowly, dropping into your hand as you pried his hand off of your favorite memory. "i want to keep it."

"it's only a break," you sighed, meeting him back to the living room as he clutched his things in his arms.

he nodded again, mustering up a smile one last time until he stood up in front of you. he bent down slightly, his hand cupping the back of your head as he placed a kiss on the crown of your head. he didn't want to let go. not like this, and he blames himself for actually letting go. erwin finally made his way towards your door, hand hovering as he took took a deep breath, opening it... and hoping it won't be the last time he closes it. he found a home in you, and he could only watch as it crumbled as he walked further and further away.

that break turned into days, and weeks, and months, closing in on a year— and he could only accept reality that there is no getting back together, the you and him... gone.

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"stop looking at your phone." mike looked over at erwin as he spun in his office chair, using his feet to move over to his friend. mike took the phone in erwin's hand, shaking it in the air as he shook his head.

"she's not going to text you," mike muttered, patting hard erwin's shoulder as erwin only pierced daggers onto his friend's stupid face. "it's been a year, move on."

erwin only rolled his eyes, grabbing the phone as he tucked it in his pants, pushing mike away, "i have moved on."

mike pushed his chair, tapping on their other friend's chair, as he spun around to nudge their shoulder. "he said he's moved on."

"oh, erwin," hange sighed, spinning around in her chair as she shook her head in pity, "you haven't. she hasn't, too."

"enough," erwin turned around, grabbing a pen to twirl it around in his fingers. he listened to his friends behind him mumble about his wretched relationship, lazily looking at the screen as his work blinked in red for all the deadlines he has to meet. his eyes read the words with a low sigh, fingers still twirling the pen, but he placed it down right after while he read his computer screen— his hand finding for the gadget in his pocket like second nature. he flicked his eyes down, looking at the time, and for his notifications. no texts.

ever since that anniversary dinner, he used to still text you. it was the usual 'good morning's,' and 'don't forget to eat,' wherein you would still reply to him with the same things. but, those messages stopped; and he has already lost hope.

"there goes the phone again," mike muttered, typing away on his own as he glanced at his computer screen, "just wait until you see her during lunch."

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"you ready?" levi tapped his phone on your shoulder, nibbling on his lip as he waited for you to get your purse. he wouldn't miss a day without commenting on that small polaroid photo you placed against your small penholder, that it has become his habit. levi opened his mouth, but he only got pushed in the process as he clutched his phone tighter, watching you stand up.

"don't say it," you muttered, fixing the photo as it moved in the process of you standing up. you looked at it for a second, before looking back at levi as he shrugged at you. "do we really have to spend lunch with... them?"

"who?" levi asked, as he matched your steps, joining the rest of your co-workers on the line for the elevator. "hange, mike, and your ex-boyfriend that you dumped? yes, of course."

"you're an asshole, sometimes, levi," you murmured, waiting for the elevator to arrive. he rolled his eyes in return, used to your comment. "why do we even have to?"

"you can go or not," levi pointed out, busy with waiting for the elevator. "it's not like you don't have a choice."

that shut you up. you still haven't got the slightest clue as to why you are really joining them for lunch. you do have the choice, you're just not choosing wisely because deep down you wanted to see him. it was weird at first, especially during the first week. it just dawned on you that you broke up with him, and yet you're standing just right in front of the table, locking eyes at him, wondering: 'what are you doing here?' then you realized. this was always how your lunches ended up. it also didn't help that he works at the same building as him, considering this is where you met him. so it shouldn't surprise you that good, whenever you see him around. but what surprises you the most, is that you always longed for the lunches, the glances over the food, the simple gestures of passing food to each other, making sure you have enough water, or to even point out a spot on your lips that you have missed. the most mundane things that you tried to dampen whatever you were feeling, because you know there could never be what the two year relationship was.

"hey," levi called out, entering the elevator as you stood there dumbfounded. "you coming or not?"

"coming."

"it won't be that bad," levi commented.

"still," you breathed deeply, crossing your arms as you dreaded for the elevator to reach the lobby. "the date's coming up, you know."

"does it count as could've-been-third-anniversary or first-year-breakup?"

"god," you cursed, stepping out of the elevator as he follows, "fuck you, levi."

both of you waited by the entrance watching the people walk by with their own lunches as they made fare on the streets in a hurry. you didn't even need to turn around to know the trio were down already because hange already tugged you outside with her hand, holding it dear as the men were all left behind to follow.

"so, where should we eat?" hange asked, glancing at you as she guided the group towards her favorite restaurant.

"seems like i already know where," you smiled, following hange's footsteps at every turn to get there.

hange only hummed in response, leaning in closer as she surveyed the solemn look on your face with sad eyes. you only rolled your eyes at her, pulling away when she held on tighter, nudging her chin towards the men behind who was busy talking. "what about the date?"

"if i hear the word date one more time, i will not hesitate to push you over that garbage can," you whispered in her ear, smiling as hange only laughed loudly, finally entering the restaurant.

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the restaurant was exactly how you would imagine it. bustling during lunch hour, quick waiters writing down the table's orders, the amount of people just surging to get their take-outs and to sit on a booth. thankfully, hange was the 'usual' customer so she can easily slither the whole group into a table.

mike only raised his brow when you and erwin took the furthest seats from each other, not even having the decency to hide the smile on his face. he huffed a little when levi and hange moved too quick to grab the other seats, having the last two seats as across from each other. you took the seat with a smile, dragging it as hange talked to the waitress for the orders that she memorized for everybody. hange sat on the head of the table immediately pulling out papers that she handed everybody in a squeal. then, she turned serious as she presented the paper.

"an itinerary," she unfolded the papers, using the clipped pen on her blouse as she discussed it over the loud music. she read the paper while your eyes almost bulged out of your face, memories flushing right at your mind. "for next week."

"nice," mike remarked, quickly reading it over with his own eyes.

it's the seven hour drive towards the beach. it was planned almost a year ago before that fucked dinner, somewhat a gift for all the hard work all of you are putting out. and you completely forgot about it. you knew this thing like the back of your hand, and you wanted to be out because everything you had planned involved erwin. down to all the couply-beach outfits that both of you had sworn to not do, but for shits and giggles, both of you agreed to do so.

"i... i..." you stuttered, holding out the paper as you racked a story to get out and everybody looked at you, even erwin, and that made you more nervous. "i have to check my schedule, i'm busy with work."

"no," levi mused, reading his paper, "boss accepted our week leave, or did you forget?"

the beach is over seven hours away in a quaint town picked by you and erwin. the restaurants were picked by hange and moblit, the hotel picked by levi, and the other activities were picked by nanaba and mike. a group outing, and you wanted out. this is pure cowardice on display because you have no idea on how to spent a whole week away from your comfort zone, and near erwin. you aren't ready for being near him for what you have done, and suddenly guilt comes crawling up your body, almost eating you alive.

"i have to check mine, too," erwin added, tucking the paper underneath his plate. his eyes wondered around the table, and eventually glanced at you while you were thankfully busy skimming it again. "you never know what's going to happen."

“yes,” you agreed, “i have unfinished work and drafts that i need to do over the week. so. i really have to check my schedule.”

“i’m betting on her to drop out of first,” mike winked at you.

“i’m on erwin,” levi shook hands with mike while hange only smirked.

“it’s like the battle of who gets to avoid each other the best,” hange commented, turning to levi and mike while they all laughed. “but we still like each other, blah, blah. yeah, okay.”

meanwhile, erwin and you were glued to your seats, mouths wide open, as they clearly read what was happening.

"still, what a lame excuse," hange muttered, clasping her hands on the table as the food finally arrived. everybody digged in, handing plates around to get fair shares of everything. levi handed his plate to hange to mike to erwin to you.

it was that sudden touch— sparks, where erwin’s fingers brushed yours when he handed you his plate, and it felt like the whole world stopped by that shared look. erwin only cleared his throat, avoiding your eyes as you hung your head low, turning to levi, a second after that felt like eternity. still, lunch went on as usual— as best as the two of you could avoid each other.

[ c o n t i n u a t i o n ]

#erwin smith #erwin x reader #erwin smith x reader #erwin smith imagine #erwin smith imagines #attack on titan #attack on titan imagines #attack on titan imagine #snk imagines #snk imagine #aot imagines #aot imagine #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyojin x reader

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imaginethathaikyuu · 4 years ago

Note

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post

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seerofmike · 5 years ago

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i feel like a huge portion of kpop fans are gay fetishists attracted to the idea of quote unquote feminine men and thats why theres so much bullshit

YES okay. okay let me rant for a minute. let me preface this by saying i am NOT a kpop shipper at ALL. this is going to be long so i’ll put it under a’ ‘read more’ because i’ve been holding it in for TWO FUCKING YEARS BABY!

being mlm in boygroup kpop fandom is literally so exhausting. 99% of the people who ship real life human men from boygroups are fetishists and i will tell u why

obviously we all know of a ship in a fandom where the characters' personalities are twisted to fit the heteronormative view of "top" and "bottom" --one character is hypermasculine (top) and the other one is feminine (bottom). there are typical traits associated with both. the ‘top’ is scary or mean or angry or serious while the ‘bottom’ is emotional or bubbly or shy. while this is egregious, at least its fictional characters. their personalities can be simplified or exaggerated and it doesnt cause any real life harm.

im going to define what i think of as a fetishist: a non-mlm person who overly sexualizes gay men/men they think are gay/gay ships, and forces them into heteronormative roles for their own pleasure. its not even limited to cishet women. plenty of non-mlm lgbt people do this too and its like disheartening. so anyways

enter the kpop fandom

i may be incredibly biased here because one of the most affected members [of bts] is my favorite kpop boy, but oh god is the ‘personality change/simplification’ thing AWFUL here. i do not go out of my way to find fanart or see fanfic threads, but being in the bts fandom, u will inevitably see it and i REALLY wish i didnt

so anyways. my favorite boy ever is hoseok. he is sweet and hardworking and very passionate about dance and he can be serious when needed, but ultimately he tries to be very lighthearted and will consistently laugh or make jokes or do something funny when the other members feel uncomfortable or awkward (mostly during english-speaking interviews). he kisses the members on the cheek a lot/hugs them a lot/cuddles them a lot [this is important for later okay]

of course, theres a lot more to him because he is a multi-faceted real life human being, and i don’t know him personally, but that’s a general idea of what he’s like, okay?

SHIPPERS will have you think differently. some video got popular on youtube ""proving"" that hoseok is a sadist (which is just clips of him jokingly playfighting with the younger members), and the video depicts him as secretly mean and serious, and shippers will use that to say "hoseok is a total top!" and then most fanart or imagines or fanfic threads you see are top!hoseok, using this imagined 'hoseok is a sadistic dom' narrative to fuel their fiction, because SOMEONE has to be the top, so they twist him into this hypermasculine mean person (and probably feminize the 'bottom' of their ship but more on that later)

EXCEPT it is not just fiction. this narrative bleeds into REAL LIFE. you have new armys who dont know anything about the shipping scene, and yet somehow the narrative of hoseok being a secretly mean, sadistic person has already made its way into them. in real life, hoseok likes rainbows and wearing nail stickers and putting glitter in his hair. yet people in the fandom will say shit like "hoseok hates femininity" "hoseok would never wear [thing] because he's a dom"

sometimes on twitter you have ppl like me who say uh actually you guys are really weird and this is fetishy and in real life hoseok is very nice and not sadistic at all, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get comments like "omg hoseok isnt cute/nice when will yall learn he’s secretly like [x] and [x]". you could post a video of hoseok with a puppy titled "wow cute" and u will get like 2 clowns in ur comments going 'hoseok isnt CUTE hes a sadist’ . i wish i was joking but i am not. they will do this for EVERY action hoseok does. he cannot blink without people twisting it into a sexual thing

[also, side note: its funny that, since hoseok is one of the least popular members and therefore one of the least shipped members, he is often the odd man out among pairings, and is assigned 'the straight one' by default, and 9 times out of 10 people who assign him 'the straight one' do all this 'dom daddy hoseok' shit.

which just goes to show that this is indeed a matter of heteronormativity.]

so anyways arguably the most popular ship with hoseok is with yoongi, sope. this absolutely happens to other ships probably but im just using them as an example because i see it the most, being a hobi stan

yoongi is very calm and thoughtful and kind and sometimes appears to be cold/having a bad attitude but its just because of the way he speaks, which is very bluntly. again hes a multi faceted real human and i do not know him personally but thats generally what hes like.

god the fandom. treats him SO BAD. so horribly. he's shorter than hoseok. he's shorter than hoseok and people will exaggerate that literal 1 inch height difference so bad and people will turn his whole personality into shy and blushy and In Love With Hoseok, so in love with hoseok that ‘he gets sad’ when hoseok doesn’t kiss him/hug him/or whatever and IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE.

ANY time hoseok or yoongi do ANYTHING together at ALL, people will ALWAYS push the narrative that hoseok, being the mean sadist he is, is 'hurting' yoongi for not returning his undying love or whatever. hoseok did a vlive where he made bracelets for all the members and he considered putting a cat charm on yoongi's but ultimately decided not to because he was having difficulty and oh my GOD sope stans twisted it into 'hoseok HATES yoongi, yoongi would have been so happy, he would have worn that all the time, hoseok isnt affectionate he hates being close with other people after all :(' which is LITERALLY not true because hoseok gives all his homies good night kisses but okay! whatever fits your narrative!

PEOPLE ACTUALLY HATE HOSEOK BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE OF A SHIP. BECAUSE OF THE MANUFACTURED NARRATIVE PUSHED ONTO HIM BY FETISHISTS SO HE COULD FIT INTO THEIR HETERONORMATIVE ‘TOP’ ROLE. not to be all wahh wahh hoseok is one of the least popular members BUT THIS IS LITERALLY A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

everyone """headcanons""" hoseok to be a top so they will make him a MEAN HYPERMASCULINE person. everyone """headcanons""" yoongi as a bottom so they will make him a SOFT UWU HYPERFEMININE person. shippers are literally pigeonholing the two of them into fujoshi-esque roles for jack-off material.

anyways this all boils down to: gay fetishists will do anything, ANYTHING, to twist characters or real life fucking people to fit their heteronormative view of top and bottom. top=mean and masculine, bottom=soft and feminine. hoseok is a real life human being. yoongi is a real life human being. they both have real life human personalities, and yet shippers twist their personalities into the opposite to fit their narrative, to the point where nonshippers will genuinely view the two of them as something theyre not.

you have tons of armys that theorize that hoseok's happiness is just a mask he puts on to hide a cruel nature. on twitter. on youtube. in fanart and fanfiction. you have tons of armys that truly believe that, despite literally all the evidence, believe he hates being cute, he hates being happy, he hates the members, and hes secretly a dom daddy fuckboy who wants to bend yoongi over a table. hes a real life human being and fetishists doing their fetish thing has real life consequences.

the same is true for bottom!hoseok stans: they overexaggerate his more cutesy personality traits and he does have a 'feminine' figure i.e. he has a rly small waist but they will overexaggerate that as well and give him huge hips and its disgusting but dom!hoseok is far more frequent with far more devastating consequences so i used that as an example but they’re both bad.

people who """"headcanon"""" [like actually headcanon/firmly believe and not just joking or lighthearted] that members are gay will force these types of roles onto the members. if someone genuinely believes that like, yoongi is gay/bi/whatever, and then try to force this subby soft uwu persona onto him, they have no respect for gay people. they dont. gay people are simply objects for their fantasies. their view of gay people is so one-dimensional and so driven by fetishists’ ideas that its actually disheartening.

and god bitches will deadass be homophobic yet still ship real ass human idols. not just for bts specifically but all boygroup fandoms. sometimes when you search up an idol's name, [idol] gay will be trending--whether it be because of people saying "im gay for him" or whatever, and a LOT of cishet people will try 'clearing' the searches because being gay is bad or something. people normally ‘clear’ the searches if something like [idol fat] or [idol ugly] are trending, which im telling you so you know the context that people only clear the searches when bad things are happening.

[never forget that time 'jungkook gay' was trending and bitches were like "lets clear the searches!" but their pinned tweet said some shit like "sub jungkook x dom jimin coffee shop smut au thread 🌈". bitches also be like i cant be homophobic i ship taekook]

and hoseok and yoongi arent the only ones affected ! we could get into why namjoon and jin (another popular ship) are often assigned 'dad' and 'mom' respectively, or the fact that gay fetishists not only twist members' personalities to fit their ship narrative, but will also force tropes onto them i.e. taehyung/jungkook shippers who will literally demonize jimin and call him a slut or say that he's trying to 'get in the way of' of taekook or 'steal' taehyung/jungkook but thats a whole DIFFERENT rant baby! racism/asian fetishism is also definitely a present factor in all of this but this focus was primarily on gay fetishism and heteronormativity.

oh my god i could also get into the severe transphobia/trans fetishism in this fandom too but this post is already long enough as it is

tl dr: gay fetishists will fetishize real life people and it has actual real life effects and we should ban straight women from shipping mlm

#nobody is going to read this but i just needed to let it out man #fucking hate bts stans #fucking hate kpoppies #fuck u if ur not mlm like actually

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curious-menace · 4 years ago

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Glad you took that nap earlier then! Do you wanna talk about your riddler stuff that’s on your brain? I wouldn’t mind reading, I like reading your stuff!

oh boy a blank cheque for mayhem

you might regret this when i spend the next 4 hours rambling >:)

things that currently live rent free in my brain

so i have an idea for a fic id like to write. a reader x arkham riddler one. basic premise is that riddler is having a nightmare or has had a breakdown after the events of arkham knight. its a terrible night outside, pouring down and freezing ( as it always is in northern ireland in the winter ha.). tldr riddler comes into readers room bc he’s crying an they have a sweet little cuddle and comfort session under the blankies while listening to the rain outside.

speaking of rain. i wrote an angsty fic called Rain on my ao3. it was of riddler on the docks outside the pinkney orphanage after he realises batman abandoned him and died. i’d like to do a reader insert version and finish the sequel i have in my docs because im a sucker for angst.

im trying to wrangle the brainworms for the second part of the telltale riddler fic. its not going how i want it to but like...im too attached to the idea to just scrap it. i want to try and make it work but like i said, brain worms not cooperating.

constant streams of riddler angst. riddler crying and needing held like a child, riddler having a nightmare and coming to bed for comfort. riddler suffering fuels me

honestly? general nonsense with various riddlers. like just imagining he’s with me in the grocery store saying funny shit, keeping myself entertained in quarantine by imagining him in various scenarios ( which is how i sometimes get my headcanon ideas)

i have a SHITLOAD of character abc’s, nsfw and sfw alphabet stuff to do for arkham riddler ( all 4 of them) arkham scarecrow, blacklight riddler and my oc/selfie shepherd. these things are min 5000 words and i just cant be bothered with it right now. i WANT to do it but like. as soon as i open the document i get discouraged by the sheer scale of the task

my tablet is gathering dust at the end of my sofa. again, i WANT to draw but i just dont have the mental energy . its probably why im blazing through these asks, i can sit on my butt on the sofa and just type i dont really have to focus too much, just imagine my riddling boys in whatever scenario the asker wants.

id like to draw some scenes from my fics. ive done some shipping things on my main account of blacklight shep and blacklight riddler. there is a fic i wrote called “hiccups” where shepherd adjusts eds tie. its very sweet and id like an excuse to draw her a fancy outfit bc her normal one is plain compared to riddlers gold garb.

speaking of my fics. these damned prompts from my main account: Edward: After this is over, feel free to lose my number Jonathan giving Edward a back massage when they flop on the couch or bed. Shepherd and Edward getting sick at the same time. i got a friend to send me these so i could use them but this was BEFORE i decided to start a batman blog. they drive me nuts every time i see them because they arent on the batman blog and theyre just messy and they just SIT THERE.

lastly, and i cannot stress this enough, i NEED to write down my blacklight au. it needs to get out of my head and onto paper before i forget like i did last time. tldr my blacklight au is a sort of remix of the injustice world, where superman is evil. it starts off with kid shepherd meeting kid scarecrow and ends with her world hopping to the arkhamverse. i don't know if you've read dark knights metal or know about the Nth dimensions or any of that but i'm trying to bring some of that dc canon into blacklight without making it hella complicated. i should just focus on building up to what would be the start of the injustice story before i get ahead of myself but you all know me. i'm an excitable over-writer with too many ideas .

maybe i should write them down first or something. like on paper rather than a fic or bullet points . sometimes physically writing it helps you get your ideas out...

i have a few other riddler brain worms right now but im keeping this sfw so those worms will stay firmly hidden in my brain closet, where they belong XD

ANYWAY

thank you for asking. its nice to just have, as i put, a blank cheque for mayhem and space to ramble. no one irl in my life is interested in batman so i have to save it all up for this blog and discord

oh well. cest la vie

- shep 💙

#asks #shep speaks #acrylic #wip

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ts-unpopular-opinions · 5 years ago

Text

Side Tracks opinions part 2: Virgil

(Here we go again! I think I may have less to say about Virgil’s than Janus’, so I’ll try to make this one shorter)

1) Sunrise, Sunset: This ones about Virgil when he was with the darksides. Virgil is beginning to get tired of his life as a darkside and the monotony of it (“sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the days. Sunrise, sunset you wake up then you undress, it always is the same”). He feels like something is changing in him, but doubts that he will ever be able to escape the routine that he’s been living in for so long (“Because you've changed, Yeah, you've changed” “from a cradle to a casket, there is no way to escape” “The sunrise, the sunsets, you're hopeful and then you regret, the circle never breaks”).

2) Let’s Kill Tonight: Some of Virgil songs can be very vague and it can be hard to pinpoint who the song is focused toward (this is one of them). My interpretation of the song is that this takes place during Virgil’s first appearance with the light sides (“Make room we're taking over here” “Show them all you're not the ordinary type”) Perhaps the dark sides were aware of Virgil leaving and so Virgil’s initial view of the light sides was a bit more spiteful and angry than we thought. With this interpretation I like to assume that it was Janus’ plan to let Virgil out, perhaps in an attempt to get all the dark sides accepted, but it backfired when Virgil realized that the light sides weren’t as bad as he was raised to believe.

3) Sally’s Song: After the last song, this song shows Virgil’s realization that perhaps he does want to be with the light sides. He really cares about Thomas and wants to be with him, but he’s worried about whether or not he’ll be helpful and worthy (“And though I'd like to stand by him, Can't shake this feeling that I have” “And will he see? How much he means to me. I think it's not to be” “All though I'd like to join the crowd, In their enthusiastic loud. Try as I may It doesn't last”)

4) It Ends Tonight: Virgil is starting to be accepted, woot woot (“When darkness turns to light, It ends tonight, it ends tonight” “A weight is lifted on this evening”). Virgil seems to start to feel a lot of anger towards the other dark sides at this point. He feels as if he’s been tricked by them and that Thomas needed him all along (“A falling star, at least I fall alone”). He’s now showing anger and frustration towards the dark sides that really hasn’t been prevalent in the playlist up until this point. I think he’s realized that they’ve either been using him, lying to him, or fooling him (“I look at you with such disdain” “Now I'm on my own side, It's better than being on your side”).

5) I’d Hate to be You When People find out What this Song is About: Now that Virgil is with the light sides, he’s worried that he may not be good enough or helpful enough for Thomas (“Well, I'm thinking of the worst things That I could say to you” “But I'm tongue tied and terrified of what I'll say” And I'm sorry that this wasn't easy, When I asked you believe me” “I could only sing you sad songs”). He’s so worried about hurting Thomas because of his dark side origins that he doesnt understand why Thomas is trying so hard to accept him (“You never let go, But I let go”). He also refrains from telling Thomas about his true past probably out of fear or worry that Thomas won’t want him anymore (“But I never told you everything, I'm losing hope and fading dreams”).

6) A Decade under the Influence: Virgil is anxious™️. Despite how worried he is about his ability to help Thomas, he knows that he has to try and that he has to protect Thomas from the other dark sides (“Well, I've got a bad feeling about this, I've got a bad feeling about this” “To hell with you and all your friends, To hell with you and all your friends” “I’m a nervous wreck”).

7) Thnks fr th Mmrs: HUGE, SASSY middle finger to Janus. Honestly, thats it. Virgil has been fully accepted by Thomas and the light side gang and he is LOVING it. This song is just Virgil rubbing it in Janus’ face how much better off he is without him and the dark sides (“Who does he think he is?” “Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great”). He also flaunts the fact that Patton is a much better parent/authority figure than Janus ever was (“He tastes like you, only sweeter”).

8) Be Calm: This ones cuteeeee. Virgil has been with the light sides for some time now and has begun to understand that he can be helpful to thomas (“As I walk through the streets of my new city, My back feeling much better, I suppose”). The entire song just feels like Virgil helping Thomas through an anxiety attack or some panic of sorts. He relates to Thomas on the feeling and tries his best to help him relax (“I close my eyes, I tell myself to breathe” “And be calm. Be calm. I know you feel like you are breaking down. Oh I know that it gets so hard sometimes. Be calm.” “Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times.” “You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive” “It just gets so hard sometimes”). Theyre starting to bond and finally understand each other and that is just super sweet 💜💜💜.

9) I’m not Okay (I Promise): Honestly... I’m not super sure about this one. It’s another vague one as to who it is aimed toward, but I’m just gonna assume it’s either Thomas or Patton. Virgil is feeling like he isn’t being listened to and needs to be taken more seriously (“I never want to let you down or have you go” “I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means” “I held you close as we both shook for the last time” “You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed” “But you really need to listen to me, Because I'm telling you the truth”).

10) Imaginary: Despite now being a light side, Virgil still worries about the darker sides that are hidden within Thomas (“In my field of paper flowers And candy clouds of lullaby. I lie inside myself for hours And watch my purple sky fly over me”). He knows that they will try to get out at any moment and may be harmful to Thomas, so he has to keep his guard up. (“Don't say I'm out of touch, With this rampant chaos your reality” “I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge” “Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming, Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights”).

11) Soft Shock: Oof guys... I really, really don’t know here. This song is SO romantic that it’s hard to even imagine why it’s on Virgil’s playlist to begin with. There is also a vague “you” referenced like in most of Virgil’s songs and I frankly have no clue who it’s supposed to be. I’ll just list some lines that I think are important and maybe you all could help me figure it out. “Well it's a shock, shock to your soft side” “Summer moon (this is like a period of summer where its very warm and things are in bloom)” “Better, back together” “Catch your shut eyes in my room”.

12) The Good that Won’t Come out: Virgil is still worried about his dark past and how that will affect the others and Thomas. He knows that he needs to tell Thomas, but he’s worried that if he does, Thomas will only be able to see the bad things that Virgil brings with him (“I do this thing where I think I'm real sick, But I won't go to the doctor to find out about it 'Cause they make you stay real still in a real small space As they chart up your insides and put them on display. They'd see all of it, all of me, all of it” “All of the good that won't come out of me And all the stupid lies I hide behind. It's such a big mistake, Lying here in your warm embrace”). He finishes the song out by comparing himself to his past, dark side friends (“Let's talk about all our friends who lost the war” “It's all of the good that won't come out of them And all the stupid lies they hide behind”).

13) Sick Sad World: Again... I’m sorry guys but this song doesn’t seem that deep to me (at least nothing stood out. Basically, all I got is that Virgil knows he makes a lot of mistakes, but he does his best to fix them (“My head's a permanent mess And I can't think for the stress” “I close my eyes and pretend That the ground beneath me has disappeared” “Rewind and overwrite, Hope life begins at twenty-nine”). Virgil also still seems to think that he isn’t being listened to enough and that he isn’t helping as much as he wants to with the light sides (“So what, is this is as good as it gets?” “So won't you let me in”).

14) Ignorance: Another Janus song! Whose shocked? Anyone? Yeah, me neither 😂. But this one is SUPER interesting as it gives us some insight into what Janus and Virgil’s relationship was like before Virgil left. The two seemed to be very close and perhaps had similar pessimistic views on the world (“Yeah, the friends who stuck together. We wrote our names in blood”). Virgil knows that the change in him was for the better and he wants Janus to realize this too, but he isnt about to feel bad for Janus if he refuses to see the truth (“But I guess you can't accept that the change is good” “If I'm a bad person, you don't like me, Well, I guess I'll make my own way” “This is the best thing that could have happened. Any longer and I wouldn't have made it. It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture. I'm just a person, but you can't take it” “The same tricks that, that once fooled me, They won't get you anywhere. I'm not the same kid from your memory, Well, now I can fend for myself”). Now, a line that I’m sure people will see as confirmation of Ignorance being the next side, has a different meaning to me: “Ignorance is your new best friend”. To me, this proves that Ignorance is a part of Janus. Virgil believes that Janus will be stuck in the dark forever because he is ignorant to what the real world brings. Janus is so stuck in his hatred for society and his lack of trust for others that he ignores information that could prove his thoughts wrong. That is ignorance at it’s core, and Janus is being intentionally ignorant to the fact that Virgil becoming a light side was a good thing.

15) The Ice is Getting Thinner: Another song that solidifies that Virgil and Janus were actually friends at one point (“We're not the same, dear, as we used to be. The seasons have changed and so have we”). Virgil knew that him and Janus were growing apart back when he split from the dark sides and he knew it was for the better, but it still hurt him (“There was little we could say, and even less we could do, To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you” “And it saddens me to say, But we both know, well, it's true. That the ice was getting thinner Under me and you”). This perhaps shows that the ill-will between the two is not really due to Virgil hating Janus, but instead a sort of broken heart dynamic. Virgil knew he needed to leave, but Janus may not have been ready and may not have understood why someone he cared so much for would just leave him for the others.

16) Overkill: This one seems fairly straight forward to me. Virgil is scared of the dark sides and the implications their acceptance may have for Thomas. He can feel them lurking close by and is on edge because of it. He wants to protect Thomas from them, but at the same time thinks that he may be overreacting (“I can't get to sleep. I think about the implications” “Especially at night. I worry over situations. I know we'll be alright. Perhaps it's just imagination” “Day after day it reappears. Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear. Ghosts appear and fade away” “Especially at night I worry over situations that I know will be alright. It's just overkill.”

17) Under pressure: This ones a bit hard to decipher, but I’ve got an idea. Virgil really respects and values Patton as one of Thomas’ sides, but the other dark sides seem to disagree. Virgil wishes that they would be able to see Patton in the same way that he does and perhaps then they would be accepted by Thomas (“Watching some good friends screaming "Let me out!"” “Can't we give ourselves one more chance?” “Why can't we give love that one more chance?”). Basically, I think the reason that Virgil was accepted by the light sides was because he understood Patton (love and feelings) and what he means to Thomas. Janus has now shown after being accepted that this could be the case (seeing as he was accepted only when Patton accepted him, the other sides didnt really play a part).

18) Everything is Alright: When reading my thoughts on this song, keep in mind that it is connected to the next song. Virgil basically is very anxious about menial things in life that he shouldn’t be anxious about (“Because I hate the ocean, theme parks and airplanes, Talking with strangers, waiting in line..”). Virgil doesn’t feel like things are okay and he doesn’t feel safe, but he asks the person in the song to tell him that everything is okay anyways. Now a while back, I remembered Joan mentioning in a livestream that Janus would be the one to lie to Thomas about things being alright even when they’re not, so this got me thinking. Perhaps Janus and Virgil got along so well in the past because Janus would lie to Virgil whenever he was having a panic attack in order to calm him down. Virgil may have found comfort in this as lying to himself may have been the only way to escape his episodes (“‘Someday you'll be fine..’ Yes, I'll be just fine.” “Tell me that you're alright, everything is alright. Please tell me that you're alright, everything is alright.”). Idk It just feels like Janus trying to calm Virgil down to me.

19) The Middle: (remember how I said this was connected to the above song? Yep, keep that in mind) So right after the last song, this song began to play and at first I thought the two songs were basically about the same thing. Virgil is anxious and needs reassured that things are okay. This song seemed to have a different tone though. The speaker is reassuring Virgil, but in a different way. They’re not lying to Virgil and telling him just what he wants to hear, but they are feeling with Virgil and comforting Virgil with truth and honesty (“Hey, don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head, you feel left out” “Don't you worry what they tell themselves When you're away.” “It just takes some time, Little girl you're in the middle of the ride. Everything, everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be alright.” “You know you're doin' better on your own” “Live right now, just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough For someone else.” “Don't worry what their bitter hearts Are gonna say”) That’s right. This song is about Patton doing the exact same thing that Janus once did for Virgil only better. Not only that, but he’s reassuring Virgil about his worries regarding the dark sides. That must sting for Janus...

20) Vindicated: I think this song takes place right after Virgil confessed his past to Thomas. He’s scared that Thomas will reject him, but he explains that he’s trying his best to be better for Thomas despite the many flaws he may have (“I am selfish I am wrong. I am right, I swear I'm right. Swear I knew it all along And I am flawed, but I am cleaing up so well”). Despite his fear of rejection he has hope that Thomas will accept him as he’s begun to see things in himself that someone (probably Patton) has seen all along (“Hope dangles on a string, Like slow-spinning redemption” “I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself”).

(And there you have it guys! I realize this one is probably just as long as the last one, so I’m sorry about that 😂. Please let me know your thoughts 💜)

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sanders sides #ts unpopular opinions #ts virgil #virgil sanders #virgil playlist #ts side tracks #side tracks #sanders sides tracks #long post #ts sidetracks

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macklives · 5 years ago

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hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.

so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.

1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.

2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.

3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.

4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.

5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10.

6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.

7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.

8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.

9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.

10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.

11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.

12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.

13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.

14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?

15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.

16. i dont remember anything else actually

17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.

18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.

19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.

20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.

cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.

#i wanted to catch u all up on this #but ill most likely do a liveblog tmr bc i was bust today unfortunately apart from writing this out #bc this took priority for better understanding where i am rn #maaaannnn #writing wears me out #i love it #but its tiring the fucking bitch #so im in need for deep sleep #wish i could do more smh #welll #goodnight :)

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inknose · 5 years ago

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mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

#mdzs readthru #this obviously has many spoilers

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sanguinarius-archive · 6 years ago

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(sal)ly face headcanons bc why not

sal actually loves bright/jarring colors, but claims he doesnt look good when wearing them (he does tho, just ask the artists ash and larry)

he loves loves loves space!!! he knows the names of random stars and planets. he doesnt talk about it much bc its hard for him to word it correctly but he just.. FOCUSES on it for HOURS

when people ask him “comics or novels” he literally cannot decide. he’ll read stephen king’s “it” but then a second later he’s reading a fuckin archie comic or garfield comic

he actually loves sci fi films more than horror!

horror movies tend to freak him out because hes more psychologically affected by them (bc of his trauma), so he’d rather avoid that and go with something like sci fi

this is canon but- he loves to paint his nails! one time he painted each nail with the bi flag. it actually took a lot of precision but it was worth it

sal loves small dogs. he also loves rottweilers and chihuahuas bc they look so silly and cute with those big bulging eyes and that waggy tail

he thinks bunnies are AWESOME and one time larry put one on his head and he felt like an angel was above him

“sal how does it feel?” “it feels like… like god has sent her top guardian down to protect my mind…” “from what?” “from negative energy”

it is utter chaos when hes forced to go to school with a cold

poor boy sneezes but he cant take off his prosthetic bc he’ll feel naked af

dont worry tho, ash and larry to the rescue! they take him to larry’s apartment and hide him there and take care of him for a bit before going back to school themselves. they also bring sal any work he misses

sal gets emotional very easily over happy things!

like literally if he thinks abt his friends for one (1) second he’ll start to tear up because he just appreciates them so much

he hates strawberries. they are always too weirdly cold for him and that hurts his teeth and he also just doesn’t like the way they taste

he also stims!!!! he tends to blink a lot and grind his teeth. other stims are more visible ones like flexing his fingers or drumming them on tables, and flapping his hands as well. also kicks his legs a lot

sal loves all animals, this is canon, but like

imagine if he frickin got like.. a snake

larry is SUPER terrified of snakes, he thinks theyre cool from a distance but he hates seeing them

so when sal is like “i got something to show u” larry isnt expecting it and he sees the snake that is very clearly in its container but he just BOLTS

and sal is like “noo… babey snek is nice…”

he… has a weird relationship with bugs like all of us. but he baby talks all of them from time to time

he literally will pick up a centipede and be like “what are you doing here mister?? just crawlin around? how delightful!! i wonder what it’s like to see the world in your eyes… with that many legs…”

sal will obviously wear whatever he wants

but traditionally “masculine” clothes? no thanks. he hates it. thats why he wears dresses to formal stuff. he feels trapped or suffocated if he wears a suit or anything like that

he just prefers really baggy/loose clothing

if given a meal with different portions he’ll eat it one by one

so like… if he has fries and chicken strips. if he starts on the fries, he finishes the fries. he doesn’t switch back and forth

he also loves sweets but only if they’re small

big candy bars? no thank you

also going back to the stim thing- ash stims as well so she and sal share stim toys!!! things like squishies or weighted stuff or spinner rings or chewie jewelery, they’ll share those with each other

okay but one day he’s in art class just goofing off with larry

and larry puts glitter in his own hair as like a joke

but sal is just FASCINATED

because… oh my god… sparkl…………. shinyy…

and so he practically pours the entire tub of glitter on his hair

and he gets in so much trouble for it but he’s like “no miss listen i am a goddess. this is who i am. i am a teen figuring my life out”

and for the rest of the day he doesn’t bother to get any of it out so he walks around the school with a terribly large amount of glitter in his hair

larry cries of laughter whenever he sees him

ash thinks he’s a QUEEN and insists that he comes over and lets her fiddle with his hair and actually make it v pretty and sparkly

so he accepts!!!!!

sal also loves little kids and is super good with them. sometimes kids get scared of his mask, but it’s easy for him to reassure them

when soda is born, sal declares he’s going to be her favorite uncle

and he’s right!

larry’s not jealous though cause yeah, sal is pretty great

and honestly? sal is super protective of soda. he shields her from seeing or hearing any bad things

i also headcanon sal’s voice is a bit like kurt cobain’s- so he kind of sings like him too? but doesn’t scream or anything. his singing voice very soft like kurt’s in the beginning of lithium

sal doesn’t really like to sing though. in front of people, at least

he loves music box versions of songs, they’re just so relaxing and they help him fall asleep a lot of the time

also when he sleeps it’s usually on his back, so gizmo lays on his stomach through the night. sal doesn’t move a lot during his sleep

he has sleepwalked though, to larry’s place

and larry woke up and saw sal (this is after he first saw him without his mask) and he saw him without his glass eye For The First Time

larry TRIES not to wake him up but pretty much fails and sal kind of has a panic attack

he’s like “that- i- i’m sorry- my eye-” and covers it but larry pulls his hand down back to his side and is like “it’s ok you look super cool without it”

prom is honestly one of the best nights of sal’s life

he’s got his hair up in a bun and wears a rainbow-striped t-shirt with a high-waisted black skirt and a long-sleeved black shirt underneath the t-shirt and tall dark leather boots

his nails are painted blue, red, purple, orange to represent him, larry, ash and todd (tho his nails on his thumbs are painted black)

because he secretly loves dancing when no one is around, he just kind of rocks it at prom and his friends are blown away bc… holy shit?? sal fisher can Dance????

but he’s more playful with it

he and larry scream the lyrics to the songs that play

they all end up ditching the prom and going outside to the back of the school and just kinda goof off

larry and ash share a cigarette and todd drives all of them out beyond city limits to an open field

they just kinda lay down in the grass there and stargaze for nearly the entire night

they talk about stupid stuff and serious stuff

honestly sal just goes back to his apartment very later and happy cries

cause again, he gets so emotional over happy stuff

and he loves his friends very much

and no there is no bad ending to this or bad ending that i won’t talk about

they all grow up together and are happy

EDIT: ANOTHER ONE I FORGOT TO ADD... sal LOVES deadpool. hes only into marvel for deadpool. he relates to him bc hey they both have deformed faces (except for dp its his whole body too i think) but ya!!!! he loves wade frickin wilson

#mine #sally face #sal fisher #larry johnson #ashley campbell #todd morrison #long post/#headcanons #sally face headcanons #sf headcanons

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wolfqueen-is-here · 6 years ago

Text

Kisses Remembered, Kisses Forgotten (Jonsa Secret Santa 2018)

Dearest @moonchildslife, I am so sorry for my delay, Christmas was crazier than I expected, and I didn’t finish my gift on time. But it is here now, and I hope you don’t find it too terrible ;). I wish you a wonderful year with Jonsa becoming canon in April and our fandom wishes coming true. Be happy, be healthy, be yourself! <3

Many thanks to @jonsasecretsanta2018 who made all of this happen, you truly are amazing!

A/N Don’t be alarmed by a brief mention of the Hound. I promise you, it has nothing to do with SanSan in any way except mentioning The Un-Kiss. Book!canon, but mostly show!canon, can be interpreted both as a filler and an AU. 2300 words

Kisses Remembered, Kisses Forgotten

Every now and then Sansa remembers, even though she has tried so hard to leave the past behind. The Hound was rough and scary, but the kiss that he took left a lingering taste on her lips—it was as soft as snow, almost familiar, she’s caught herself missing the shy affection that came with the kiss, a wary touch so vulnerable it felt almost childish. She remembers the kiss that he took. The only thing she doesn’t remember is him taking it.

Every night feels longer and darker than the former ones. It isn’t until she jumps from Winterfell walls that she remembers how to feel warm again, but the road north is as cold as ice and covered in snow. “His lips felt warm”, she thinks as she runs towards her freedom. “The kiss that he took, it felt warm.”

There are times when she is almost certain that she gave it willingly.

—

“You look cold,” Jon says after staring at her in silence for a good half an hour. It would annoy her beyond reason, were it anyone else, anyone less trustworthy, anyone less… Jon, but coming from him it’s almost flattering. No one has ever cared for her so since she’d lost Father. Not once until this very moment has she felt safe since then.

“I’m okay,” she smiles. His unblinking eyes refuse to leave hers even for a second as if she’d vanish otherwise. Sansa leans towards him and strokes the inside of his palm with her thumb. It’s the most innocent of caresses, but it makes Jon stiffen and finally lower his head. She misses the stare instantly. “I’m okay, Jon.”

She tastes his name on her tongue. It feels rough—when was the last time she used it? —but sweeter than all the cake she’s ever had. She wants to swallow it, possess it, make it hers. “Jon,” she muses. “Jon. My Jon.”

If it’s something more primal than sisterly affection, she doesn’t recognise it in time. It may occur to her later, but it will be too late.

—

The first night that she spends at Castle Black is a sleepless one. The shadows are long when she paces aimlessly around the room, too exhausted to fall asleep, too cold to lie still. Knocking at the door alerts her at first—she’s not used to feeling safe yet—she whispers: “Who’s there?” so quietly as if she were hoping nobody would answer.

“It’s me,” Jon says.

She lets him in.

“Do you have everything that you need?” he asks, looking at her with a strange longing.

Had it been more fitting, she’d say: “I have you,” but in their current situation she’d stumble over the words for certain. Instead, she just invites him to stay—just sit next to her and not talk until the sun rises and the shadows go back under her bed. They repeat it every night after that, it seems to comfort both of them.

—

Jon’s eyes follow Sansa as he tries to find something—anything—that would remind him of a little girl she used to be. Her skirts dance when she rocks her hips, walking around Castle Black like she’d lived here all her life. He wants to avert his gaze but finds it impossible. She’s grown so tall, so slender—so beautiful.

“She’s your sister,” he thinks angrily, hiding his face in his hands. “You are not allowed to look at her like that.”

There were times, many lives ago, when they were only children. Sansa’s hair was more orange than auburn, Jon’s face—smooth, not a trace of beard or scars on it. They both called lord Eddard Stark their father. They both walked around holding Robb’s hand. They both watched Bran fall asleep while they were singing lullabies. Both, yes, but not—together.

When he tries to think about their lives before everything happened, before he went north and she went south, he keeps coming back to that one particular memory. And he’s not allowed to remember it. Not ever.

“She’s your sister,” he thinks, but as her lips move while she’s telling him another story, he watches. The redness of them almost provocative, they look like she’s been biting them for the past few hours. It’s a mesmerising set of colours: her lips with a raspberry tint, screaming to be tasted, licked, devoured; her eyes, deep blue almost exactly like the ones that used to follow him with disdain when he was nothing more than a bastard boy, but there’s no disdain in Sansa’s eyes, only hope. Her fair complexion contrasts with the dark streaks of her auburn hair, almost brown in the dimly lit room. Jon quashes the need to cup Sansa’s cheek and stroke it with his fingers, to check if her soft, unwavering beauty isn’t only a product of his hallucinations. He wouldn’t dare.

—

Sansa enters the dining room when there’s barely anyone left. A few wildlings share a horn of ale, laughing. There’s also Edd sitting in the furthest, darkest corner, and he looks really down—Edd always looks down, that’s an inherent part of his personality, “The defining part”, Tormund insists, but Sansa doesn’t care, because Edd, albeit rather shy, is kind and caring, and that’s more than she could expect from a stranger. The wildlings terrify her still, she doesn’t know their customs, they’re far too loud and bold for her taste, so she chooses to cross the room and take a sit in front of Edd.

They don’t talk, there’s no need for it. Sansa eats her soup, wondering whether Jon has already eaten, and Edd just keeps staring at the ceiling. Weirdly, his silent presence comforts Sansa more than any words could.

When everybody leaves, Sansa reaches for Edd’s half-empty horn and moves her hand up and down its uneven surface. It’s become apparent these past few days that sleep refuses to come easily for her at Castle Black, and when she finally drifts off after hours of rolling over from side to side, her dreams are filled with memories—but are they real? Are they hers?

She doesn’t think about the Hound that often. He’s been a big part of her life when she was a prisoner in King’s Landing, but her fascination with his tragic story faded and went by long ago. She cannot remember his face anymore, only the scars, she doesn’t even know if she’d be glad to see him again. The memories of him and the torments from the Lannisters became too inseparable in her mind, and that’s why she doesn’t want to think of him or imagine their meeting.

Not now. Not ever.

Then why is her brain so set on bringing back the memory of the kiss? She can feel a sweet breath on her chin every morning when she wakes up from her blurry dreams—why is it sweet? Wasn’t the Hound monumentally drunk that night?—she can taste it, again and again. Her first kiss, that one thing she knows for sure. She’d gotten a few pecks from Joffrey, yes, they should probably count as first, but somehow it doesn’t feel right.

She closes her eyes and clasps her hands around the horn.

“I thought you weren’t fond of our ale,” Jon says, suddenly very close—how did he get so close without Sansa hearing his steps? Did she black out again?

“I heard it helps to forget.”

“It does,” his voice sounds worried, “for a while. It doesn’t make your past go away.”

Sansa raises her head and their eyes lock immediately as if they’re a couple of lovers always on a mission to find each other.

“For a while,” she repeats. “Sounds better than never.”

The ale tastes much worse than she remembered it—it’s bitter and stale, and reeks of old, damp barrels—but her lips don’t leave the edge of the horn until it’s empty. Jon’s eyes move to her throat as she swallows and stay there even after she’s finished.

At first, she doesn’t think anything’s changed—the same emptiness fills her, the same desperation—but minutes pass as they sit opposite one another in silence, and her head finally starts to feel both lighter and heavier, her thoughts stir inside her brain, but never fully form. It’s a bliss. It’s a curse.

She sits in the middle of a meadow, it’s late summer. The winds got chilly but she’s got a blanket around her arms. She’s knitted it herself. She’s content. She’s happy. She’s Queen Naerys Targaryen.

“Are you alright? That’s quite a lot of ale you just inhaled,” Jon murmurs, gently touching her arm. Sansa looks up and smiles at him.

“I’ll be fine,” she answers. “I’ll be fine, Jon. You can go to sleep, you look tired.”

He laughs hoarsely and it makes Sansa’s belly tighten.

“Not until I see you safely tucked under your furs.”

He approaches her with his back straight and a sword at his side. Where did he get that sword, she thinks briefly but continues to look at his beaming face.

“I’ve come to rescue you, my Queen.”

“You can’t, my love,” she says, remembering to dress her face in the deepest, most regal shade of sadness. “We’re bound to our fate forever. You’ve made your vows, as I have made mine.”

He kneels before her. He’s brave, he’s gentle, he’s strong. He’s Prince Aemon the Dragonknight.

Sansa tries to stand up all too quickly, her head spins violently and she has to hold on to the table to avoid falling. She can barely feel her legs and her arms—how strong was that ale?—but the burning hotness of Jon’s hand on her lower back, oh, that she feels.

“Careful,” he says, pulling her closer and throwing her arm around his neck. “You’re still much too weak to start drinking so heavily. Don’t let go, alright? I’m going to walk you to your chambers now.”

And he proceeds to do just that.

When Sansa lies in bed feeling truly sleepy for the first time since she’s reached Castle Black on her dying horse, she suddenly remembers everything.

His face is just inches away. He’s wearing his hair pulled tightly in the back like a true adult, but he’s been playing with swords all day and a few strands have escaped the knot, hanging loosely around his face. She feels the urge to curl one of them around her finger but before she decides to make a move, he leans in and kisses her on the lips.

It surprises her—the lightness of it as much as the act itself. “It’s not wrong as long as I’m Queen Naerys and he’s Prince Aemon,” she tells herself as she involuntarily moves closer and exhales into his warm mouth. His fingers wander up and down her sleeve, curious but never inappropriate. The kiss doesn’t last long, a few heartbeats maybe, but before it’s finished, she can hear him whisper: “Sansa.”

And instantly he’s Jon again, and she’s Sansa. And they’ve done something unforgivable.

—

Jon’s almost asleep when he hears banging at his door. He jumps out of bed and rushes to open it only to find a breathless Sansa on the other side. Her eyes are wide, and she looks absolutely terrified. If she’s still a bit in her cups, it doesn’t show.

“What happened?” he asks.

She’s shivering. He wants to put his hand on her arm but she jumps away.

“You kissed me,” she hisses, her tone accusatory.

Jon blinks. Not that he hasn’t thought of it, because of course he has. He won’t admit it to anyone but though he tried extremely hard to see his long-lost sister in the beauty that has brought him back to life, he failed miserably. The truth is—she was never a sister to him, not even before they parted ways.

“I assure you,” he answers quietly, “I did not. I didn’t even enter your chambers, I asked lady Brienne to help.”

“Not tonight,” Sansa sighs and Jon realises she’s standing before him barefoot, dressed only in some old sleeping gown, but somehow she’s never looked more queenly with her demanding expression and fiery glare. “When we were children. A few months before we left Winterfell. We played… we played, and you…”

And he kissed her.

He kissed her and he never regretted it once until she came to him, crying, and ordered him to forget it ever happened. He didn’t want to, it was too precious a memory, but he obliged. For Sansa.

“I thought we weren’t speaking of it,” he whispers carefully.

She was really shook when she came to him that day, he never wanted to see Sansa cry, and to be the reason for her despair—it was too much for him to bear.

“We aren’t. I just… I forgot.”

“You forgot?” he asks, feeling hurt. It was his only kiss before Ygritte and he wasn’t even allowed to savour that memory. How could she have forgotten?

“I’m sorry,” she says. “What we did… it was wrong. I didn’t… I couldn’t… I think I repressed it. I made myself believe it happened with someone else.” She lowers her head and he’s afraid to spook her by asking who that person was, but he’s certain it will haunt him forever. Was it Joffrey? Gods, he hopes it wasn’t him. Jon couldn’t bear it. Sansa makes a strangled noise at the back of her throat. “But I remember now.”

He doesn’t know what more to say, but Sansa doesn’t seem to expect any kind of explanation. It happened. It shouldn’t have, but it did. And it changed things between them.

Sansa finally dares to look at him. Her lips are parted, ready as they were in that meadow years ago. He doesn’t take advantage of her vulnerability. When they win back Winterfell, when the war is over—she will come to him of her own volition.

And he will have that second kiss, gods be damned.

#jonsa secret santa #jonsa fanfiction #jonsasecretsanta2018 #jonsa #jon x sansa #got #a gift for moonchildslife #secret santa #gift

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