#theyre kinda rushed but oh well im done looking at them now

[aru-art]

redid some old sticker designs with sen this time. everyone say hi sen

[buzbu]

I’m watching ‘Ladybug and Chat Noir: Awakening’ (you can watch a really bad quality bootleg recording on most pirating sites right now), these are my reactions while I’m watching . A lot of the points won’t make sense unless you’ve seen it too I’m sorry 😭

If you don’t want to watch the movie but want a vague idea of the plot, here u go

⚠️NEW MIRACULOUS MOVIE SPOILERS⚠️

- master fu is soo dramatic

- THIS IS A MUSICAL???

- whoever the singer is for marinette sounds so noticeably different to her it is throwing me off

- the character designs are so cute

- brand placement: 1

- Adrien is brooding so hard with his headphones. I bet he’s listening to something emo

- omg gabriel agreste backstory right away

- Luka cameo

- whyd they make plagg a fart monster

- there are more than 4 background character designs this is crazy

- whyd they make gabe kinda fine

- gabes first musical number as hawkmoth is so insanely Dr Facilier

- they made him such a good villain omfg I’m actually rooting for him he’s got the whole ‘a villain who would sacrifice the world to save her’ thing going for him

- oooo they have the mime villain from season 1 (?), and they are actually showing how op his power is. He could create literally anything and he just made a wall and a gun, he couldve done so much more. They did him justice they made him kinda fine too very Danny Bailey from Schmigadoon

- chat noir calling himself a sidekick is my villain origin story

- didn’t know how much I needed an action montage with a rock cover of the miraculous ladybug song until now

- a slither of adrienette in the montage

- brand placement: 2

- I’m an hour in and chat noir hasnt called ladybug milady ONCE

- oh my god they have the play fighting trope where they end up pinning eachother against a wall this is so them

- I don’t think the songs are very movie like, the words are pronounced like radio songs so you can’t really understand what they’re saying a lot of the time without captions (I don’t have captions 💔)

- the romance feels a lil rushed. Because they spent the first half hour almost exclusively on marinette and setting up her character/insecurities/etc and all the romantic development was in a montage. Now there’s a love song and theyre in love and it feels very underdeveloped to be at this stage already

- this song is cute though I can’t make out the majority of the words but in-love ladynoir content has my heart

- no marichat so far . Waiting patiently

- they haven’t set the love square up to its full potential 💔💔

- ok nevermind they kind of have, ladybug rejected chat noir for adrien, she asked adrien out and he rejected her for ladybug. But there has been no ladybug + adrien interactions or chat noir + marinette interactions yet

- omg gabriel adrien angst omg gabe is so much less of a dislikable character, they actually gave him some depth . Adrien is full on yelling at Gabriel and gabe actually looks like he cares about his son

- this bootleg is terrible quality but even with the bad quality the quality is so obviously good

- I’ve gotten used to the marinette singing voice and now I just love it

- this movie is so dramatic with the love songs and songs about insecurities, I feel like it’s that movie ladybug made fun of in the show

- GABE AKUMATISED HIMSELF AND ITS SO COOL THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT WEIRD IPAD VILLAIN HE WAS IN THE SHOW

- adrien just said ‘the less interested you are, the more they run after you 😒’ because ladybug called him for help after she rejected him😭😭😭😭 bro rlly said all girls are the same

- idk if this bootleg is just clipped together but it keeps randomly turning french with no subtitles and it’s confusing me so much. I don’t know french, why must they be in paris

- these boss fights are so well animated

- chat noir is so bitter god damn

- ladynoir angst but it’s actually high stakes im loving this

- LADYBUG SAVE YOUR CAT WHAT ARE YOU DOING

- SHE LET HIM FALL WHAT

- gabe just turned the water they fell in into lava this is crazy

- they just turned french again I have no idea what they’re saying

- MARINETTE / HAWKMOTH SHOWDOWN

- nevermind

- I’m sorry marinette would pick this dialogue to shreds it’s so corny

- GOT THE TINIEST SLITHER OF MARICHAT I AM HAPPY

- YES YES YES GABRIEL FORCED TO FACE THE FACT THAT ADRIEN IS CHAT NOIR

- HES SELF REFLECTING!!! REALISING EVERYTHING HE DID WAS INSANE AND HURT ADRIEN WHEN HE TOLD HIMSELF HE WAS HELPING HIM. THIS IS WHAT THE SEASON 5 FINALE SHOULDVE BEEN

- THIS IS PERFECT

- this is what ppl wanted for the show . adrien being resentful at first, Gabriel hit in the face with his own guilt and mistakes, having a genuine moment of self reflection, adrien forgiving him and gabe changing instead of getting his wish and being remembered as a hero, plus all of paris finding out hawkmoth was Gabriel, etc. I love this

- brand placement: 3

- omg there’s a masquerade ball everyone looks so good

- so marinette knows that adrien is chat noir but he doesn’t know shes ladybug yet ? That better change in the next 2 minutes

- HE KNOWS!

- marinette is so pretty I’m actually so happy with this

- OHHHH NATALIE VILLAIN ARC ????

- oh theyre talking in french again I have no idea what this ending means

FINAL THOUGHTS!

obvs it isn’t canon but I love this adaptation. The superpowers are portrayed as powerful as they actually are, there’s more drama and angst which I needed, the timeline is VERY different to the show. Marinette stands up for herself to chloe the same day that ladybug and chat noir reveal their identities, so it’s like the origins episode of season 1 mixed with one of the various identity reveals from season 4. Also she’s not friends with any of her class other than alya, adrien and nino, so it’s also kind of pre-origins vibes. Idk, it was really good and I can’t wait to watch it in better quality, with captions, and without ads playing every half hour

Also I’m forever thankful that there was no lila rossi storyline

[reco-obsessed]

9, 12, 18, 25 for alice, and 3, 25, 26 for reko

9. Could you be roommates with [Alice]?

karma for my shinalice craigslist au i see. i could probably survive. my technique of staying in my bedroom with the only exception being my crepuscular eating schedule is pretty widely applicable, i think. because im so avoidant it wouldnt be very interesting. "im rather fond of moisture" vs "not a big fan of moisture" if you will ( <- reference)

12. What's a headcanon you have for [Alice]?

i have multiple but i think ive posted about them all before- namely, him being a history nerd and being bi/pan but completely oblivious about it. mentioned this but more vaguely- i think he'd like video games and be really into dnd, was probably a theater kid at some point. hes kind of a geek in general. probably read a lot of stuff as a kid but not so much anymore unless its nonfiction.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

oh boy.

i mean, theres the obvious one- the way him and reko interact is very interesting to me and i really like their strained, doomed dynamic like any well adjusted person (<- lying). platonic longing with hints of codependency? dont mind if i do. besides that, i obviously think his way of interacting with shin is both funny and interesting, despite how little of it we get.

25. What was your first impression of [Alice]? How about now?

i didnt really have a strong first impression of him surprisingly- if one at all. something ive come to realize from these kinds of ask games is that i dont really have strong first impressions of characters or people in general. i think the closest thing i had to a first impression with him was "man, this minigame is kinda finicky and annoying" (the interrogation minigame). but that wasnt really about him. its kinda funny looking back on it- in spite of his strong personality, he was still just kinda there to me. i dont think i started having any coherent thoughts on him until id already gotten through most of the info on their backstory. now... i think hes amusing. he has really strong reactions to things, which makes him an entertaining character to play around with. i really like the dichotomy between his overconfidence and how easily frightened he can get by things.

3. Least favorite canon thing about [Reko]?

oo, this is a good question. so good i went on a huge rant i ended up storing in the library that is my drafts which must be checked out upon request. heres the summarized version: i dont like how she was written in chapter 3-1. i think nankidai really dropped the ball with both the yabusames, and it disappoints me to see how their arcs got rushed / completely side stepped in favor of other plot points. alice honestly got the shorter end of the stick since he shouldve been way more involved, but i obviously noticed it with reko first. i barely even consider the way theyre written in chapter 3-1 as canon because they so obviously got ignored by nankidai in favor of making sure their dialogue was similar enough and that whether or not you have reko or alice doesnt effect the plot in a major way (even though it really should).

25. What was your first impression of [Reko]? How about now?

similar as with alice- i didnt have strong initial thoughts on her, despite her appearance and how she spoke. i think maybe one of the first thoughts i had about her was when sara has to admit she lied in the bar hallway- i recall thinking that the way reko addressed her feelings ("Sara, look me in the eye. …Don't sit there an' brood over crap / Talk to me. Or are you just not listenin' to what I say? / Cut it out! Don't say that shit!") seemed like it would have the opposite effect, at least on me. though obviously that wasnt enough for me to not end up liking her, because by the start of the second chapter the obsession had begun. now... now.... we dont talk about now

26. What's something [Reko] has done you can't get over? Be it something funny, bad, good, serious, whatever?

hm. i mean. cop out answer but i feel like this entire blog is a culmination of me not being able to get over anything shes done. its pretty difficult to pick one specific thing. however. im not a coward. so ill pick one. maybe two. even if thats not entirely true

ill say its her interactions with kai in ytts, and the scene where sara sees how hard rekos been pushing herself to take care of everyone. i really like kai and..... definitely probably not reko, so i really enjoyed getting to see them together especially when they ended up having such a funny and unique interaction. the second one is pretty self-explanatory- its a very explicit demonstration of the apex of rekos character, and one of her main and most admirable character traits.

[wrestlezon]

aew rampage 2/3/23 liveblog containment zone

oh yeah remember when i did these. i needed to contain my takes.

[the elite vs ethan page's crew]

i like ethan page. i do think its funny hes taking the role of over-the-top goofy extreme heel guy. mjf can't do that stuff anymore because hes too important now.

[promo time]

ok this stock footage bit was pretty funny. i dont like jay lethal and his crew but theyre being goofy which means the best friends can be goofy back. i'll take it

i also liked seeing my favorite guys in HD. please continue to put them on tv where i can see them and i will overlook how their feuds have not been very not juicy or riveting lately

[swerve vs pillman jr]

um lmao

anyway... swerve had a really cool thing going with keith lee. now that that's done, he has uh. a less cool thing going on. his henchmen are extremely uncool. his logo is uncool. the name of his group is uncool. normally this would be an instant death KO for anyone else. but swerve has so much surplus of cool and stylish he is keeping his head out of the water. somehow

[the house of black are being spooky]

speaking of cool: eddie kingston is cool. i support all of eddie's rights and also his wrongs. that being said what is house of black doing. oh they just wanted to cause trouble. well i can respect that actually LMAO keep up the good work (unironic statement) catholic detected. lets make him commit sins

[toni storm and saraya vs the rebel twins]

toni has been... extremely bronze lately. but i guess the contrast between her and saraya is pretty funny. i dont like their angle or the fact theyre evil now though. :/ the entire women's division is heels! come on!!! we're full up on heels. no more heels. the non heel portion is like, what. shida riho willow nightingale and ruby soho?? where is my whimsy spraypaint... yeah like-- see!! it looks like theyre being all soft about being evil heels too! they went so far out of their way not to spraypaint over the rebel twins' ring gear, it kinda made it hard to tell they were trying to mark them as losers...?

[christopher daniels vs rush]

i havent been watching team rush's matches because i dont like their lucha unmasking gimmick but preston's ragged mask scarf is, like, and interesting way of going about calling to that. wheres da ref... oh hes having a pleasant conversation in the far corner while daniels is getting destroyed by Lime Cable lol i wonder if thats prop money. thinking about someone in the front row reaching over and nabbing one im pretending preston hitting daniels with a wad of cash is a callback to dark order paper slaps

[zmayadw]

Hello :) 

It’s time for the next part :)

Thanks again to all who read it so far!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 3

I woke up with the sun already out, making my eyes adjust to the light again. I checked the clock above doors. 9.45. Huh, nice, I tought, the nurse didnt lie when she said the pain meds would make me sleep better. I felt more rested today, but still pretty sore. I managed to get up and go to bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror -I looked like hell. I hoped Jessy would come today with my stuff, I needed some fixing up urgently. As I was leaving the bathroom, my phone beeped with new message. My heart jumped with excitement,only to see it was Jessy. „Hey hey, sleeping beauty, im sorry, you will have to manage without my awesomness today, but dont worry, i'm sending the next best person to keep you company! ;D Call you later ,kisses!“ I smiled as I layed back to bed. That sweet nurse from before entered my room smiling. „Good morning, hun, hope you slept well“. „I sure did, thanks.“ I replied, while she settled the food tray with breakfast on the stand. She helped me make myself comfortable in bed, and putted the tray in front of me, when a voice came from the door. „Doris! My favorite nurs!“ It was Dan, and Doris chuckled as Dan came over to the bed. „Oh my, hun, if I knew who your friend was, I would have brought you something stronger then this tea“ I laughed, while Dan made a gesture with his hands, stabing at his heart. „Awww, c'mon Doris, dont be so cruel, you know you like me!“ Doris just waved her head as she went for the door. „If this schmuck starts to bother you too much, you just yell hun.“  I smiled at her „Thanks Doris, I might just do that.“  Dan looked at me. „Is that a 'thank you' I get for coming here?“ he siad, being dramatic as Dans always is. I grinned „Ofcourse not! But its entertaining to see you all squirmy.“ „Tsk,tsk, sure, pick on poor Dan.“ He grabed a chair and sat next to the bed. „You look like shit, Maya.“  „Gee, thanks Dan, thats really what I wanted to hear.“ I said, even tho I knew he was right, I did look awful. „Hey, dont get mad at me, I just say it as it is! Luckily, Dan is here to the rescue..again.“ he said handing me my backpack. „ Jessy went through your stuff, and filled your pack with what she tought you might need the most. She said to text her later if theres anything else you need so she can bring it.“ „Thanks Dan.“ I said taking the backpack from him. „And I mean thanks, not just for this.“ Dan looked at me, and I could read a bit of worry on his face. He quickly tried to hide it „Hey, no need to thank me, I told you once before, if theres a damsel in distress, im here to help.“ „Damsel“ I snorted. „Doubt that a damsel would act so stupid as I did.“ I felt that awfull feeling of guilt taking over me again. „Look Maya, i'm really not the one to judge you here. Yes, what you did was Incredibly stupid, and lets be honest, you almost got yourself killed. When Lily called me and told me everything, I was so pissed at both of you, well you mostly, but also kinda excited that someone actualy took the matter into its own hands.“ I looked at him with awe, I didnt quite expect it. He continued „And frankly, I kinda expected something like this from you sooner or later, well at least the part of you coming to Duskwood. As I was running to my car, calling Thomas and filing him in on everything,I got really angry at you for not turning to me for help. You know I would help you no matter what, I told you that hundred of times before.“  „Yes Dan, I know you would.“ I said, even more of that guilt creeping in. „But you didnt! Then I tought, maybe afterall you didnt trust me enough as you said.“ „I did trust you, I do trust you Dan, you have to know that.“ Now even tears started forming in my eyes. „I know, Maya, its just how I felt at the time. And when I got to the mine, Thomas was already there, with this cop who was close by and responded to the call since I told Lily to inform that inspector guy. He said we should wait for backup, but stuborn as I am, I just rushed in, Thomas yelling after me, but I just kept running. Good thing they went after me, because God only knows what would happen if they didnt.“ I couldnt keep the tears anymore, and I just burst out crying. Dan got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, hugging me. „ As I said im not here to judge you, or make you fell more guilty. Heck, I might have done the same thing, or something worse. Things wer starting to get us really nowhere, and something happening was kinda of a kickoff for me. And im not mad at you any more Maya, just to get that out in the opet.“ „Thanks Dan, I really appriciate it.“ I barely managed through my tears. „Yeah,yeah, im awesom, I know.“ He grined at me, as i looked him with eyes full of tears. He huged me a bit tighter, and I rested my head on his shoulder. „You got me really freaking scared there in that mine, Maya. When I saw you like that..“ he paused.  „I cant say how much im sorry about all, Dan. I did more harm then good, and I betrayed all of you guys again.“ „Well, at the end, you did find Hannah, so im sure Thomas wont have that much of a grudge.“ He grined at me, handing me a tissue, wich made me relax a bit. „Yes I did. And how are our little love birds doing?“ i asked wiping the tears, as Dan moved back to the chair. „Oh, theyr fine. Thomas is not letting Hannah alone for one milisecond, wich is a bit too wooshy mooshy if you ask me.“ He mad a face of gaging. „Oh, c'mon mister tough guy, that picture Jessy sent me of you two from last night was quite mooswhy wooshy in my eyes.“ I said teasingly. „If you ever say that to anyone about me, and I mean ANYONE, i swear Maya...“ I didnt let him finish, I just grined „Dont worry, your mooshy wooshy secret is safe with me.“ „Good, good. So when are they letting you go from this shit hole?“ „Oh, come on, its not that terrible here: food is not bad, room is nice and quiet, and I have a killer wiev, what's the hurry?“ „I promised you some whiskey.“ he grined „And Jessy wont let me drink, but when you get out she wont be abel to say no.“ „ You really ARE scared of Jessy.“ I said laughing. „She might be small, but the woman is a dynamite when serious!“ I laughed so hard, the tea I just sipped when out through my nose. „Thanks Dan, I needed this.“ „Dan to the rescue.“ He smiled and winked. „Sooo...“ he starte, and I got a feeling I knew what he gonna ask me. „Did the 'hackerboy' contaced you by now?“ „His name is Jake, could you please not call him that anymore.“ I said a bit too stern maybe. „All right, all right, no need to get all serious on me now. Did 'Jake' contacted you?“  I hesitated for a brief moment before answering „No, nothing yet. And to be honest, might be better like that. I myself am not too eager for that talk .“ „Heh, I can understand that. If I was that much pissed at you back then, I dont want to imagine how much 'hac..' , sorry, Jake is pissed at you right now.“  „Well, I guess I will find out soon enough..if he still wants to talk to me at all.“  Dan putted on his serious face, but with a little grin on it „Hey, if he talks bad to you, let me know, i'll show him off!“ „Ohh, im sure you would enjoy that..maybe even to much.“ I said, him grinning even more. „But thanks, Dan, again, for everything.“ „Yeah,yeah, dont you get all wooshy mooshy on me now also.“ he said, getting up. „Well, I gotta go. You get better soon, and call if you need anything.“  „Thanks, Dan, sure will.“ I replied, and waved him goodby. Doris came shortly after Dan left, and got me off the IV, suggesting I take a shower. I grabbed the pack Jessy sent me, and went through it. I took out some underweare, clean shirt and sweatpants, grabbed the shampoons, tooth brush and paste and headed for the bathroom. The shower did feel nice, but it took me ages to finish it, since I was still quite sore. A big bruise at my ribs was still making me short breathed at the times, and all the other cuts and bruises didnt help with easing the pain either. I had a  cut on the back of my head, wich was the reason my head still throbed a lot. I brushed my teeth, looked myself in the mirror, and already could notice some color coming back to my cheeks. I got back to bed and took my phone, might aswell check those messages and emails, its not like I'm have anything smarter to do. Most emails wer not important, I answered a few I needed, and switched to messages. Most of missed calls and messages wer from the night of the incident, so not much replaying needed here. Cleo sent a message saying shes happy im ok, and she will come to visit soon. Thomas also sent a message, thanking me for everything, emphasising tho that I was reckles and how all could have ended differently, but still no grudges from his side. He was just too happy Hannah was back with him. Ofcourse, they all wished me to get well soon, and they cant wait for when I get out so we can all meet properly.I replied to both, thanking them for good wishess. Staring at my chats screen, I opened my conversation with Jake. He was offline, ofcourse. I stared at the blinking pointer on the text space, but I didnt know what to write. My head was blank, I couldnt think of anything. After few minutes I exited the chat, settling the phone aside, and turning the tv on. Maybe some movie or something will get me relaxed a bit. I switched through channels, till I found something acceptable to watch. I ajusted myself on the pillow, and before I knew, dozed off.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

[percedurza]

I HAVE ALREADY SPOKE ON LENGTH ABOUT THE PRINCE OF EGYPT BUT NOT THE WHOLE THING ONLY THE PLAGUES AND MOSTLY PASSOVER. I JUST WATCHED THE FULL MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS A KID IM GONNA TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD. OKAY.

okay let me first say that i was in tears within the first ten minutes of the movie. deliver us was so powerful and heartbreaking i cried BEFORE THE TEN MINUTE MARK. yeah.

when moses' mother sang her final lullaby to her son and pushed him downstream in that (blessed and very fortunate) basket my heart hurt. i cried with her. that was the last time she would ever see her baby.

when his sister sang her prayer for her baby brother, wishing for him to come back to deliver them as well, that just drove the nail in harder.

in a later scene before the banquet you can hear moses humming that last lullaby and since deliver us was just maybe ten minutes prior you remember it and realize he really did keep that final song.

and the banquet oh yeah ramesses gets appointed this big title? and he names moses as the grand architect

and theres this captured hebrew lady brought in for ramesses but shes fierce (i would be too, she was captured and brought to the people she hates the most) and so ramesses orders her to be brought to moses' chambers instead

moses goes to his chambers and suprise! she escaped! moses chases after and sees her sneaking out with her camel and distracts some guards so she wont get caught and once the guards are gone he goes after her again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

miriam (moses' sister) meeting him in the city streets and recognizing him, telling him he's her family and him shutting her down and calling her a slave.... it hurt. when she hums that lullaby and he RECOGNIZES and then rushes back home to have a dream about that day he was sent away (in beautiful animation designed to look like the hieroglyphs on his wall) its all so painful to watch him be forced out of nowhere to realize his life is a LIE because hes not a true prince of egypt, he's born of the slaves, and then his father the pharaoh justifies the order to slaughter innocent babies by saying "they were just slaves" and OUGH

moses kills a man. unintentional but he killed a man while trying to stop him from beating a slave. oops.

he cant live with this so he runs away into the desert. theres this scene where he collapses to the ground and sheds all of the jewelry and adornments from his life as royalty but as he takes off the ring ramesses gives him, he looks at it. and slowly puts it back on. because no matter what, he still loves his brother, and he always will.

moses falls into a well. yeah. chases off some ruffians and then basically faints and falls in. these girls the ruffians were harassing started pulling him out and SURPRISE SURPRISE the captured lady from the banquet is there and she drops him back in when she recognizes him and walks away all smug and her name is tzipporah! just an fyi (very pretty name love it)

moses basically gets adopted into the group of hebrews and moses says something about not ever having done anything of worth and so tzipporah's father jethro sings a little tune to him!

through heavens eyes is a masterpiece. i really dont know what else to say also i want jethro to be my dad hes so nice

aaanyway moses and tzipporah get married during the through heavens eyes montage! i just think thats nice

OKAY now juicy stuff the BURNING BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the scene in which moses encounter the burning bush and god.

god claims that he has seen his people (the hebrew slaves) suffering and cannot stand for it any longer, so he wishes to send moses as a sort of ambassador of god

and moses doesnt think hes worthy of being god's messenger, which god quickly shuts up by pointing out how he's kind of, like, GOD

and he teaches moses those big old words, "LET MY PEOPLE GO" wahoo!!!!!!

he rushes home to tell tzipporah, and shes like "but ur just one dude" and hes like "well i kinda have to also the hebrews are suffering in slavery so :////"

tzipporah and moses head on over to meet ramesses and theyre all excited to see each other and then moses is like "behold the power of god!!!!!!" and his staff becomes a snake. pretty gnarly if i do say so myself

and then the high priests are like "ok" and start basically performing and rapping the names of the egyptian gods at moses in response i really dont know how to describe it but its basically a whole lotta smoke and mirrors. not actual miracles

moses talks to ramesses and asks him to let his people go, and instead doubles the slave's workload. the slaves basically hate moses now because yeah he technically is the reason theyre getting pushed harder and even his own brother aaron seems to loathe him. miriam talks to moses and he sees ramesses' ship gliding down the nile nearby

he calls out to ramesses and he just sends his guards after him. and so moses brings the staff down and turns the river to blood.

THEN THE REST OF THE PLAGUES ENSUE!!!

theres this specific part of the plagues scene in which ramesses stands between two statues of egyptian gods and glances at them as if to ask why the fuck arent they doing anything about the LITERAL hellfire and general havoc being brought down on the city. just thought that was a really cool detail.

AND OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH passover. i really shouldnt get excited about talking about an event that killed a whole heck ton of kids but its like fnaf at this point who cares ANYWAY THE DEAD KIDS

i already talked about the passover scene but what i didnt include (i think) is how when god's spirit or whatever idk enters the palace, it passes over a statue of ramesses and you just think, oh fuck wait RAMESSES HAD A SON.

and sure enough, that son is dead. moses walks in as ramesses pulls a sheet over his sons dead body and ramesses finally, after all of the plagues, tells moses he can take the hebrews and leave.

as moses walks away you can see ramesses glare at moses because he may have said he was done but. hes not. of course.

moses and the hebrews are leaving with yet another beautiful musical sequence (when you believe) and you can see the hordes of former slaves walking to the sea.

AAND just like i said RAMESSES WASNT FINISHED! he brings a whole bunch of soldiers on horseback and chases the hebrews, and god literally rains fire on them again this time in the form of a flaming tornado that sweeps across the sand, making a big old wall of fire that the egyptian soldiers cant get through

which gives moses the time to do the famous parting of the sea. he brings that staff down in the water and DOES GODS WONDERS!!! yay!!!

watching them walk on the seabed was beautiful. with some lightning strikes you could see the silhouette of some kind of shark swimming in the water (looked it up there are sometimes whale sharks in the red sea this is accurate)

and the fire tornado recedes into the earth, the fire fades, the soldiers chase on at ramesses' orders. the water sweeps them away just as the hebrews make it to the other side and it later cuts back to ramesses, alone on the rocky shore, screaming out at moses. hes completely alone, soldiers presumably dead, and no family to speak of. his side of the sea is cloudy and gloomy, still stormy, but when it jumps back to the hebrews in celebration, the sun shines bright and happy. the hebrews are free.

the movie ends with moses walking down the mountain sinai, ten commandments in hand, while the last snippet of deliver us plays once again.

only one other movie has evoked this much of this kind of emotion in me.(the one movie is klaus LMAO klaus made me ugly cry) there was not a single second of watching this that i didnt have goosebumps.

the movie itself just looks pretty. all of the characters have unique and neat designs. (its also nice to see a movie with only poc in it like im just saying)

the musical scores and numbers are so expertly made. my favorite has to be deliver us but through heavens eyes is a very close second. through heavens eyes made me feel better about myself, in a way. the entire movie was like some healing experience.

all in all, this is an S tier movie, and i BEG BEG BEG anyone who hasn't seen it to watch it. just pirate it or something (i did lol watched it on an illegal streaming site)

if you're not religious and havent seen it, think of it as a chance to learn more about abrahamic faiths. if you are religious and havent seen it, well hey! here you go!!

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Did I still write out a part one of the curly haired! Kyoshi Warrior! Zuko AU aven though I should be sleeping now? Haha, yep. Enjoy

When Zuko was only two years old Azula was born, she was born healthy and strong unlike him. Azulon immediately showed great distaste for his grandson and Ozai was ready to disown and possibly end Zuko. Walking towards Ursa who happened to be holding him he let a spark from in his hand. However Iroh stepped between him and the child. The elder brother seething with anger at Ozai's behavior "you will not touch Zuko, if you are so quick to disown him, then he will be my son instead. I will not let you harm him."

"Step aside Iroh" Azulon demanded

"No." Iroh snapped back "Ozai, you can take my place as the crown prince, I will leave with Lu Ten and Zuko."

"You would release your place as the heir for a weak link?" Azulon scoffed

"Yes. I would."

After that day Iroh took Lu Ten and Zuko and fled the nation in a ship with a small crew, namely a chef Luin, the captain Uzami, the helmsman Junney and two deck mates Lee and Chit Sang. Uzami and Chit Sang were the only other fire benders on the ship with them.

They sailed for a good two weeks before finding the island of Kyoshi. They anchored the ship and took some time off of it to relax on the beach, Lu Ten collecting some water from a small river nearby to bathe Zuko who was rightfully very fussy. When he got back Iroh had set up the 'bathing bowl' as Iroh had called it. "Hey Pa, do you think this will be enough water for Zuko?"

He reached Iroh and Zuko and Iroh simply nodded. While bathing Zuko the older boy sang to him to calm his cries. Dressing him was a hassle like always, but after he was dressed Lu Ten distracted him with the many shells he found on the beach and some shiny rocks "oo! Look at this one Prince Zuzy!" Lu Ten said as he revealed a small green stone to Zuko who reached out to grab it

"What are you doing on our island?" A booming woman's voice came from the edge of the tree line making Zuko jump and hide in his older brothers arms. Lu Ten only flinched at the voice but turned to see a group of women in battle ready uniform.

"Im sorry, we were only stopping to rest and wash up a bit, we wont stay for long, scouts honor"

"To hell with your scouts honor!" The leader shouted

"To hell!" Zuko said and Lu Ten glared at the woman

"Please dont teach him swears, he's only 2"

The group of women couldn't help but giggle at the baby boy now marching around singing "to hell! to hell!"

"What are you doing here?" The leader repeated her question

"We fled our nation about 2 weeks ago to save prince Zuko here, and we just needed to stop and properly wash up." He paused and looked at Zuko marching around "his dad was going to... end him... because his younger sister happened to be stronger than him." He frowned "he's never really been fond of him though so I'm not surprised, when he was born sick Ozai wanted nothing to do with him" He stood slowly and bent to pick Zuko up. "Im sorry we trespassed on your island, we meant no disrespect. We will lea-"

"No. Stay." The leader interrupted him "if I'm not mistaken by your clothing and you calling that child Prince, you were fire nation royalty?" He nodded "and you fled to save this little two year old who would have been killed simply for being sick... stay for a while and rest properly. We have some empty rooms you can stay in. How many are with you?"

"Imcluding me? There's eight, we have a small crew but theyre like family to my Pa and I."

"Lu Ten! Hey Lu! Junney says you need to- whats going on? Oh the Kyoshi warriors" Iroh gave a small Bow "Lu, Junney says you need to clean up Dishes Uzumi is taking a break to have a... uh I think she called it an existential crisis on the beach."

The women laughed at the elder man's confusion while looking over his shoulder to see this woman in full chef's uniform laying starfish in the sand just staring at the sky silently.

As the years went on Iroh and Lu Ten ran a small Kitchen with Uzumi supervising. Junney and Lee happened to love training with the Kyoshi warriors while Chit Sang helped build new homes and a small campsite area with benches and a small stage like platform.

Zuko ended up training with the Kyoshi warriors as well, his hair being tied into a high ponytail as a way to tame his curly mane. He'd practice his bending with the fans they gave him. However one day when he was 13 he made the mistake of bending near a weakened tree, catching a large branch on fire and not having enough time to dodge it as it fell ontop of him. He screamed out to any of the village members who might be near as the burning branch pinned him down, burning his left eye, and most of his left side and arm. By the time Suki had found him and gotten the branch off he was already burnt and passed out from the pain. She dragged him back to the village crying out "Help! Somebody help! Please! Zuko's hurt!" Her face was stained with tears. As soon as she got to the edge of the village the warriors took him from her hold and carried him to the healers. She ran after them but Iroh stopped her with a hug

"He will be alright little Suki, just be patient." He said as he held her. He didnt wake up fully for a good two days but when he did he screamed until Suki rushed in and held his good hand

"Zuko, zuko you're okay"

"Suki? What happened? The- the branch? It fell- I-"

"Zuko, hey, youre okay Zuko, I got the branch off of you and you're safe now, you're okay"

"My face hurts"

"Yeah, well, a flaming branch pinning you down is gonna leave some damage"

"Is it noticeable?"

"Yeah, but I think it makes you look fierce"

He managed a small smile that day. It took him a good year after the incident to gain his fighting and bending abilities again due to his sight and hearing loss on his left side. But when he did he was even stronger than before.

He ended up practicing his bending on the beach with someone nearby, either Iroh, Lu Ten, Junney or Suki if she wasn't busy. He would bend without the uniform on during practice, instead opting for casual high waisted pants. He used his warrior fans to guide the flames and strengthen them.

The first time Suki saw him bending with the fans this way he heart stuttered. That was the moment she formed a crush on the curly haired firebender.

Three years spent training as a Kyoshi warrior with flaming fans, he felt confident in his defenses. So he and Lu Ten set out one day to practice their bending out on the beach. Zuko not being afraid to trip because he could always stick the landing.

Lu Ten fired a large blast at Zuko and in response he took his fans and jutted them forward fast halting with just an inch between them, sending the blast back at Lu Ten who stumbled back. "Hah! 3 to 1 Lu Lu!"

He was about to help his older brother up but was sent flying over him by a sudden gust of air, however he was quick to respond and landed with his fans at the ready to defend. But, the Kyoshi warriors had already captured the three people who had attacked him.

With the trio tied to the statue of Kyoshi the warriors questioned them with Zuko beside them "why did you attack Zuko and Lu Ten?" Suki demanded

"They're firebenders! Why are you defending them!?" The blue clad boy shouted, huh hes kinda cute

"Maybe because they came here 14 years ago and have done nothing but help us? They're part of the village regardless of their bending." Suki smirked

The interaction ended up being not only accusatory to the trio but discovering that the bald one was the avatar, who's name he learned was Aang. Who, upon hearing Zuko's story took a liking to. As did the blue boy, Sokka, but his sister however was stand offish, Katara.

[illusionlockarchive]

romeos huge rant on comedy, horror, and how they interlap

ok, so. full disclosure, what got me to make this post was this joke post right here.

so the initial premise is funny, haha okay. yeah. oh youre a kid and your punishment at school is that you have to stay at a room full of wasps. its funny because its absurd. it couldnt happen irl. youd think it wouldnt happen irl. youd hope so.

the thing about comedy and horror though? is that they actually operate on very similar concepts.

and that is, the absurd. the uncanny valley. what youre expecting the least. what youre not seeing and not registering. jumpscares are effective if at least to get you to jump, even if they are cheap. meanwhile, jokes where they completely twist your expectations to get you to laugh do the same thing.

it may be hard for you to believe me, but in the end, the bad ending of tattletail is the other side of the same coin as a joke that goes “i swallowed a tablet with some water. everyone on the apple store was terrified of me.”

i have not read the wasp story, but i can guaranteee you, i CAN imagine it being scary, if the right tones are used and suspense is built up nicely. with the right twists and turns, knowing when to keep things quiet and when to blow things out of proportion.

OR it can end up being unintentionally hilarious, if the characters in it are way too cliche to be real and feel more like caricatures of teachers and students, if things are rushed and details lose their meaning and value, if we are just to focus on being an audience watching a kid get chased around by a swarm of wasps, instead of putting ourselves in their place.

im neglecting to mention something though. horror is not the TRUE other side of the coin to comedy. no, thats tragedy. and im sure many more people have heard of that. the two masks used in theater, one happy, the other sad.

and now we come to two very interesting modifiers. im sure youve heard of the term ‘horror comedy’ to refer to a subgenre of horror that does have jokes and silly things still happening, and may not take itself all that seriously. but why is it a specified subgenre? because MOST horror is tragedy.

this is why, despite liking many horror games or even stories, in the end i still dont consider myself someone who actually likes horror as a general genre. most horror focuses on the seriousness of the faults of humans, on our fragility, on all we can lose or are even bound to lose, on the fear that what we feel so confident about having close to us can be snatched away in a second, that our sense of reality can crumble. most horror? doesnt end well.

comedies in general tend to focus on the absurdity of life, on how many silly, strange, or even uncanny situations can happen that can challenge us, but not in a harsh way, but in a way that, despite so many bad things happening, we still get to point and laugh it off and be okay at the end of the day.

literally, all it takes for a tragedy to become a comedy, and vice versa, is a tonal shift. when i told of my idea to create this post to my boyfriend, he backed me up, and told me “the difference between horror and comedy is in the soundtrack and silly sound effects”. hes right.

of course, there are things that you should have the decency to not laugh at, still. to keep your mouth shut and know when to reject. but good comedy knows how to stray away from that, and good tragedy knows how to handle it respectfully without making it torture porn.

so, as horror hinges on tragedy, on the fear that we all know we must face in our lives, because a scream is as natural as laughter, so horror comedies are born as an interesting paradox.

a year or so ago, i got the opportunity to watch the banana splits syfy movie. i was a huge fan of the banana splits as a kid, and would often watch their reruns. those silly furries meant a lot to me. but im not stupid, i know thats a horror movie, i went in kinda knowing what to expect.

it was a gore fest, and for about two or three nights i had trouble getting to sleep. i wasnt actually scared of my childhood friends in animal costumes, as i knew how absurd and irrational my fear was, but just the images of the massacre being fresh in my mind were enough to send me into a panic if i lingered for too long, which can happen, you know, when youre about to sleep.

(TW FOR DESCRIPTION OF A MANS DEATH AND GORE, IF YOURE SQUEAMISH JUMP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH)

i think a scene that perfectly blurs the lines between comedy and tragedy, as well as just plain horror in it, is the scene where a man gets killed by being put in a magicians box and sliced in half as a ‘magic trick’ by fleegle, the dog. as he pleads for his life, and his soon to be wife watches in horror and pleads for the robot dog to stop (yeah theyre robots in this, weird), fleegle continues to slice him in half and blood spurts out, until he is dead, and fleegle just happily and proudly showcases what he has done, as if he just did a real magic trick.

(END TW FOR DEATH AND GORE DESCRIPTION)

watching that was horrifying, of course it was. but at the same time, it was what i wanted and expected when i thought about “banana splits horror movie”. fleegle just did something completely absurd and entirely uncalled for. and what doubles the uncaniness of it is that it was supposed to be something harmless, a magic trick. think about this if it was in an adult swim cartoon. the same thing could still happen, but be treated as just a weird, gross joke. fleegle could even swear, say ‘heres your fucking magic trick damnit! oh you dont like it, well i quit!’ n then throw his hat on the ground and step on it.

they are essentially the same scene, but the cartoon version of it is presented in a way that shows full on just how absurd and unexpected it is, without any seriousness to it, probably without any moody music to accompany it. meanwhile the movie one focuses on the fear, grief, and horror of putting us in the shoes of a woman who just watched the man she loved be killed, with the shots being extra impactful.

in the end, the banana splits syfy movie is a horror comedy though, because most of the movie is spent finding the most creative, absurd, borderline funny ways for people to be killed off. as you watch it along, you dont know whether to laugh at the weirdness and absurdity of the events or to genuinely feel grief and fear over the bodies piling up.

i could also just go over a million other examples available to me right now. in fact, as of the time im writing this, i have the latest vinesauce corruption stream pulled on youtube. during corruptions, the most bizarre and absurd things happen, and often times, things get scary. we see the video game characters we love be deformed and twisted in ways that you can only imagine hurt, but they still act as if thats normal! so you cant help but laugh.

earlier today, i watched a gameplay video of bonbon. its a short horror game, with a very... different antagonist. i wont spoil much, because, i dont want to deter people from buying it. but i will say, there is a reveal at the end, which slaps you in the face with the realization that you have been played for a fool all along, and the developers would probably laughing at you if they saw you after youve beat the game. its a joke, and the fear that they cultivated so lovingly, is the punchline. your fear becomes a punchline. to me thats one of the highest forms of blurring horror and comedy, and one i prefer to some more gory and harsh attempts.

and i mean, i have to mention fnaf here, dont i? its a great example too, particularly because, if you look at the games by themselves, they generally take themselves pretty seriously as horror stories, minus a few odd cases or references. but they just have enough wiggle room that, if you look at them from afar, as an audience, you can take these characters youre supposed to be afraid of, and have fun with them, because it is pretty damn absurd, and even funny at the end of the day, that youre expected to be afraid of essentially big, robotic childrens toys. and thats when many fun, fan renditions that focus on lighthearted situations pop up. vanny herself is pretty funny even! the idea of a person who dresses up in a full fursuit to do crimes is pretty hilarious.

all in all, i think i just really appreciate how horror and comedy can converse with each other and how that says something about how we, as humans, are easily made impressed, made to be surprised and shocked, to jump or to laugh. and we are always looking for that thrill, it just depends on if youre looking for laughs or screams.

so yeah, maybe ‘wasp room’ can be a pretty good story. is it a horror story or a comedy? we wont know until we read it. (also if you made it to the end reading this holy shit i love you , i fully recognize i talked way too much)

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 21-25

almost halfway done lads how we feelin'

episode 21: the red glow

ah yes barry

"i'm alphonse elric!!!!!" yes u r baby!!!

who just popped over the wall

scar im assuming

"i kill therefore i am".....barry spouting descartes rn

it was scar haha

um

hi greed

thought i saw you earlier

WHY DID THEY DRAW HIS ARMS THAT LONG

ope he found the chimera crew...

jerry jewell's evil laugh gets me every time lmao he's so great

ed has deep philosophical talks bro

also ed is chaotic but his personal morals are unshakeable

who are these prison guards gonna release

oh hey kimblee

oh hey squad

ed take out ur pokeball

um wth is that

OH MY GOD TUCKER WHAT

EW

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIANT YODA OR A SWAMP MONSTER

he looks FUCKKEDDDD

bro of all the things i was not expecting him

oof ishval flashbacks

young scar why is your hair brown

why is it white now

WHY IS HE NAKED

whos her

lust 1.0 im assuming

ew omg tucker is literally so fuckin nasty lookin idk

idk why but he's worse than rod reiss titan for me

wait a damn minute

wait a damn fucking minute

goddamnit

what is GOIN ON

i need tucker to stop whispering he sounds like fucking voldemort on the back of quirrells head

jesus

episode 22: created human

hughes' pajamas look like armin's futon from aot junior high

the bad place???? was that greed's prison gluttony was lookin at?

im still shook af over tucker and tbh its been like 24 hours since i watched episode 21

STOP WHISPERING TUCKER

driving me up a wall

my poor son looks so tired :(

those moral principles at it again

bradley.......

ewww the way tucker walks STOP

hi envy!!!!!

so all of those prisoner guys gonna get flattened by some alchemy

hey kimblee!!!

so did greed escape with the homies???? cause i feel like he would have made his presence known already....

i feel like im missing a lot because im a ding dong

musty prison kimblee is kinda...hot....physically speaking..oops..personality wise obviously there's MUCH to work on

so envy knows hohenheim

ED BABY

he won't do it

oh no alphonse

oh god memory implants

al's identity crisis CONTINUES

they wanna become humans??? huh....doesnt really make sense for their characters...(maybe envy but more on that at 11)

is ed gonna kill these guys for al

some1!!!!!! hold!!!!! me!!!! im so stressed

is he pretending to do it and he's got another plan up his sleeve!!!!????

honestly he's so depressed i cant even tell

those unshakable moral principles at work again i see

the red water can turn ed into a god???? wtf ed doesnt want to be a god he wants to punch god

oh theres the greed squad! i found them!!! is kimblee joining up with them

maria girly!!!!!!!

THE HOMUNCULI IN THEIR STUPID UNIFORMS I--

who's the lady. i need 2 know.

episode 23: fullmetal heart

alphonse is destroyed again

poor kid

"edward sir" brosh pls!!!

oh excuse me--- ***Bloch

The Ross Slap™

winry <3

pinako takes no prisoners

ed didnt you JUST tell brosh and ross they might be right that you needed to trust adults with more shit and now youre blowing off hughes

ed's DRAWINGS im-

hi sig hi izumi!!!

al is so sad over there in that corner

poor baby son

sometimes i feel like hughes and mustang are ed and al's divorced dads

the little arakawa avatar cows in the back im CRYING!!!!!!!

“bean”

snappy al

ooffffffff

omg hughes plz

elicia is precious though we love her

"dad's friend the bookworm" omg sheska

awwww gracia made edward a cake!!!!!!!

god catch me cryin in the club

CONGRATULATIONS

"whatever" al im crying he's so sad

AL MADE BROSH OR WHOEVER CARRY HIS DESTROYED ARMOR TO THE ROOF IM ACTUALLY YELLING

"you goof"

yes winry you are correct boy is a goof

sir you are being so dramatic

give that baby a hug

"so called brother"

so we all know that was a knife through the heart for ed

al just jumped off a FUCKING ROOF and ED TRIED TO FOLLOW

so im crying

i liked this better when they HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT AL'S FEARS AND MADE THE FUCK UP

episode 24: bonding memories

guess we're gonna play w my emotions again

sometimes like....one bit characters talk...like villager b ya know? and im like who are you i know that voice

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again

and barry for some reason

aww poor al

youre real you are!!!!!!

i just feel like people would know people that wear sunglasses in the rain would be ishvalan

but what do i know

obviously they dont have the white hair thing in this version

poor ed is so sad

these boys need a hug 

let me just *pulls out adoption papers*

well if scar doesnt have queen mei to adopt in 03, he’s got this little toothless boy

dont lie al you do care

ew i dont like her

the drama of this boy

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again part 2

apparently they are *mercenaries??? excuse me

i have some questions regarding this kid’s mom

well you know i can see why this kid feels this way about his mom

it does look like she ran off...

al and scar dream team up

HEY ED!!! HEY WINRY!!!

bout time

yall gonna have this talk now????

barry STOPPPPPP

brotherhood barry is the true king there i said it

damn scar you baddie

barry like....you already knew him

anyway

WHAT THE HELL

NO RICKKK!!!!!!

someone save this boy!!!!

oh good his mom “saved” him

ah damn thats pretty tragic

she didnt know they were right in front of her

ow

well my questions were answered

so she attacks with grape fanta. thats one way to do it

ed looks like such an angry gremlin right now this is a heartwarming moment sir please

why are ed and scar being so civil right now this is so weird

bye scar

we’ll see him again

see you later scar

episode 25: words of farewell

maes who let you buy that awful pink suit 

gracia please it better not have been you

mustang ew please

dont open the door lookin like that

what the hell are you doing in here 

so hughes WASNT in ishval here?

i think that takes a lot away from his character but anyway

bradley hangs around like a creep at every possible instant

why would bradley care about ishvalan refugees like hughes cmon

“unspeakable crimes” BRADLEY YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TALK

juliet douglas is this lady’s name

only took me 1000 episodes to figure that out

ED AND AL??? NOT DEALING WITH DANGEROUS THINGS??????? dont make me laugh assholes theyre lying thru their teeth

izumi time lets go

wow we’re still going to rush valley? wasnt really expecting that tbh

elicia i LOVE you!!!!!

ew kimblee “hi”

how did he lightning himself like that

if i were ishvalan i would not go to the south....yet ANOTHER war torn region of amestris but ok

okay

an amestrian desert biker gang rolled up to wreak havoc

HUGHES AHAHAHA 

tbh i wouldnt want to tell roy anything either stupid bitch

anyway

um why do i feel like its hughes’ death episode

he would not be shown tucking elicia in to bed otherwise 

please im not ready to be hurt again

oh no

yeah he just learned something about our girl juliet

ive been waiting for this information 

he’s gonna die before we learn anything helpful

yupppppp

hey lust figured you’d show up sooner or later

i too wish i could look that sexy pulling a kunai out of my forehead

SLOTH????????

did girly just say SLOTH

i- nothing about her seems particularly slothy but ok

u know what!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENVY HEYYY

DUMBASS ROY JUST HAAAAAD TO LEAVE

haha famous last words

oof it hurts every time

not the FUNERAL scene no!

time for me to go 

peace out homies im dead inside

yes my brigadier general 

NOT THE RAIN

COME ONNNNNN

hughes is sneezing six feet under

was ed supposed to be looking at hughes’ ghost

um....right

[hellbabyfromhell]

why (if you don’t mind me asking) is your house taking such a large toll on your mental health? Im sure you’ve explained it already but... I’m out of the loop

i havent explained it, and tbh i didnt explain it to my friends fr a long time because i felt guilty AND embarrassed even though i should have just been madif you happen to know these people irl, i respectfully ask you dont share this with them. i need to speak to them at my own time in my own way. its long

basically my (then gf, now ex’s) fmaily “took me in” right after my dad traumatically died right in front of me and ruined my brain. i was all fucked up and they “took me in”. i felt very safe with them. but the way it ended up was with them  bleeding me dry with money because ive been  paying my ex’s rent since my dad died, and if you know me you know thats a long, long time. now, i felt that i owed it to them because they took care of me when my dad died, and that kept me from changing things despite everyone’s warnings, saying they were using and taking advantage of me. but they called me their daughter, they cared about me, i thought. but it really went downhill abruptly......it started with small disrespects. first off, i’m paying half the rent of this townhome for an uninsulated attic with no central air or heat on the third floor. it is alternatingly freezing and fucking makes-you-nauseous hot. this family tried to convince me that i had vents and they were just covered by my trash lol and thats why my attic is worth [REDACTED] (its too much). when i literally showed them the floor plans and there was no vent they basically just went Oh.

Then, they changed my name on the neflix account to my ex’s mom’s mom’s name, because there were too many people on the netflix to make a new profile, so they changed MY name, rather than rowan’s boyfriend or their random ass friend, ME, who pays HALF THE RENT AT THIS HOUSE. that seems petty but its like, im really the least important out of everyone?then came the thing that made me really start reviewing my situation:my ex asked to come over, and they said yes. THEY said yes. not me. this was like maybe a week or two max after we broke up. ex’s mom texted me to say “okay, he’s coming over” and i was like “:0( okay thats fine but i wish you’d told me before cementing down stuff because thats a little inconsiderate” and she was like “Well it would have been inconsiderate of me not to tell you at all.” I thought that was really disrespectful bcause like, they REALLY didnt know our situation at all, and i live on the third floor so if i needed something from the kitchen or something id have to walk past my ex because my ex and my ex’s mom wanted to be fucking friends. it was weird and rude and she would NOT budge on the idea of INVITING MY EX INTO MY HOME WITHOUT CONFIRMING WITH ME being rude!!!!!and then i started looking back, and likethis is one of the worst things, like a couple months after my dad died, i was like catatonic, barely present, sick with grief and majorly traumatized. and these people had me sel my father’s car, with everything in it, so that my ex could get a new car “to drive me around safer : )”...... now i have to BEG to get a ride down the street to baskin robbins unless someone themself needs something. i gave up my father’s car and everything inside of it for this, and they let me. at the time it hurt too much to look at but i wish with everything i could have what i left in that car. i will never forgive them for that. i have so  little of him and some of out favorite things were in that car and i know they knew that.ive mentioned moving out a couple times and they always say “well give 2 months notice!” done. i have. but they kept saying i needed to stay longer or convincing me it was bad to leave until the ex’s mom’s bf needed surgery and then now i cant leave till after january. i wasnt happy about this at all but i was like Okay well i guessbut then the other night, the ex’s mom’s bf (who has his own medical card) had the audacity to get mad at me for not wanting to get him a bunch vape carts from the dispensary i JUST got hired at even though id just bought a lot, AND HE WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKING!!!. he asked me a favor and i said i was uncomfy with it and he went fucking off on me. 

this is a little snippet. i know you dont know everything just from what im telling you, but what i can say i have done a TON for this family, and this is NOT the only thing he has asked me for, and i don’t know if the doctor prescribed him crack rock because all he does is sit in the living room and watch kill la kill. i was so disappointed in him because i thought he was least complicit and it turns out he hd some issue with me. i’ve done a lot for this family. it was really hurtful.since this i never leave my room, they rarely address me if i do or look right through me. the ex’s mom’s bf asked to speak once in a way that implied that he expected a sorry from me too. you ma believe this to be once sided, but i believe with my whole heart i have done not a thing wrong. i don’t want to apologize. it’s been about 5 weeks now i feel like and they have barely spoken to me. they laugh wildly downstairs and don’t feel even a bit bad that i never come downstairs. that i have to rush around to get packages. that i never use the kitchen or am anywhere near it (not that id want to be because its always stacked high with dirty dishes). my ex’s mom lost her job staying home too much from an illness that shouldnt affect her working since she works a desk job an all she does at home is sit on the couch, do nails, ply overwatch, watch safiya nyagaard and hang out with their friends. i never go downstairs because i feel like its not my home. also my ex’s mom’s bf walks around all hours of the night now so i never feel safe to go downstairs EVER so i ration water and food and when i go to te bathroom people jiggle the doorknob and i say IM IN HERE :0( and also my ex’s mom’s bf walks around puking with the door open  and blowing his nose (he did this pre surgery too) and i just am going crazy here i have to get out. they dont give a shit about me . i dont know if i sound entitled, but it really does suck but i feel so trapped. this isnt my house. OH , and when i sked about moving out ex’s mom said well if we all paid the same amoun it’d be [200 less] .  theyre using me and dont care and i hate being here and it’s making me really want to die. thank you, it kinda felt good to let that out

[e1ana]

e1ana’s favorite fics!

i have read (and reread) so many good fics recently-

man, people are just so talented. i wanna share the good reads with all of ya’ll, so im making a lil rec list! i’ve included rating, main ship (but many are not ship-centric), any aplicable TWs, title, author, and what i liked :) these are all bnha, but i will make a non-bnha list soon too

let me know if you want a part 2 sometime in the future. my fic rec list is almost as long as my big ass dick. recs in the keep reading >:D please let me know if i got any of the links wrong or if theyre wonky!

★ A Demolition boy & his Cryptid BF - kewltie (T | bakudeku) ngl i was kinda iffy to read this at first. the idea just didn’t appeal to me as i don’t usually like youtuber AUs. but BOY am i glad i read this!! it’s so freaking funny and cute, and also super well formatted. that last thing is mega important because i cant STAND badly formatted social media fics, but this was so clean looking and streamlined. i just super loved it 

★ Sonata for Two - Ohiknowlotsofthings10 (G | tododeku) OH MY GOD. this really just hit all the spots mmm it was so incredible! i absolutely adore music AUs because im a musician, but i’ve literally never seen anything about classical or instrumental/orchestral music. i absolutely love all the description and detail in this. also the dynamics are fucking spot on. basically its cute, well written, and emotional. this was SO GOOD!!

★ Kids - ReminiscentRevelry (NR | no ships) wow this was like the cUTEST THING EVER- ugh, baby class 1A just hits super different. there’s not much else for me to say except that this is absolutely adorable and i may or may not have literally cried from cuteness overload after i read it. dadzawa reigns supreme!

★ a fairytale with a few plot holes - anonymous (E | todobaku | rape/non-con, parent/child incest, child neglect, psychological trauma) this is one of the darkest things ive read in a long time. it’s so incredibly fucked up, but SO incredibly good. like, its obviously very trauma/angst heavy because young shouto is literally getting raped by his dad, but i love angst so... yeah. very fucked up. once we get to the todobaku, i... beyond words. beyond. words. it’s not rushed at all, they have to take their time and work each other through trauma. it’s very beautiful and just... damn. so well written and engaging.

★ lights up and they know who you are - futurehearts (T | kiribaku | non-graphic suicide attempt, discussion of suicide) VERYVERYVERYEVRYEVRYGOOOOOOOOD!! if you’re in the mood for a really, really fucking good future fic, this is like one of my go-tos. i’ve read this so many times - its very engaging. like, once you start reading, you physically can’t stop until it’s done. i so rarely see a well done vulnerable bakugo, but this fic absolutely NAILED IT on the head. marvelous work, beautiful, awesome, lovely.

★ Starlight - gliteringeva (T | dabi(touya)hawks) THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE! this is the fic that got me balls fuckin deep into the actor AU. i feel like its SUCH a hard AU to really do well, and this fic absolutely does that. it’s very, very detailed, but not to the point where it feels like a ‘how to act’ manual instead of a fic. does a greeeeat service to the ‘secret relationships’ trope. it really showcases how complicated that can make a relationship, how it can fuck things up, but that is possible to fix it. just very, very good. like one of my ALL time fave fics EVER. jeez i cant even verbalize it. just... read it. like now. go on. shoo. (also ALL of eva’s dabihawks is just... ugh it has me absolutely gagged. go read it all.)

★ Lessons Learned - Sif (T | familial Best Jeanist and Bakugou | child abuse) yes, this is another one that made me cry. i ABSOLUTELY had zero idea that dadjeans was even a thing. like, no clue. but now im addicted. this is one of the most unexpectedly good reads i’ve ever had - not because i didnt expect to like the writing, but because i didnt expect to like the whole concept lmao. but oh BOY was i proved wrong. this made me feel so many things... i also usually despise the ‘abusive mitsuki’ hc for many, many reasons, but... i couldnt bring myself to hate it here. it was very well done. this fic is just very good, and emotional, and wholesome. if you like family/found family fics this should be at the top of your list.

★ Thus With a Kiss, I Die - DomineeringScarves (T | shinkami) this was the book that inspired me to write how to get a bf. jeez man, idk where to start. this book is so well done. im an absolute feen for Shakespeare and id just gotten into shinkami when i found it, so this was like hitting gold. jeezzzzz. just... so well done. beautiful characterization, wonderful writing, accurate ass dynamics, romance that made me go OH MY GOD... this book has it all. like ALL. (also absolutely read Caged too. a+ dabihawks) (also??? the tumblr cursor on their blog drops FUCKING SPARKLES???)

★ I Would Understand - deafmic (T | familial Aizawa and Shinsou | child abuse/neglect) AHHHHHHHHHHHH. that’s the opener to this review. i absolutely adore anything and everything deafmic puts out, and this was no exception. Shinson and Dadzawa are, like, one of my favorite bnha dynamics ever, and this does them SO MUCH JUSTICE!!!! this fic made my cry and smile repeatedly so fast i think my face is deformed. very good fic if you want to Feel Things. shows just how much Shinsou idolizes Aizawa and how in turn Aizawa really cares a lot about him. one of my favorite Shinsou-centric fics of all time.

★ Written in the Stars - Ichesmia (M | shinkami) A Really Very Good band AU. again, im a sucker for well executed music/band AUs, and this was some good ass food. like GOOD ass food. obviously im a sucker for shinkami, and this is the fic that put the nail in the coffin for me. also incredible dynamics, both in and out of relationships. the whole band feels like a big family and it just makes me wahhhhh. i seriously laughed my ass off, cried my eyes out, shit my pants, swooned, sighed, and did everything else while reading this. one of the best shinkami ANYTHING ive ever gotten my hands on. absoLUTELY read it if youre looking for bakusquad as well - the friendship is real in this one. 

I hope you read these and enjoy them as much as I have! Also consider reading the other stuff the authors have to offer - these people are some of the most talented writers ive gotten the pleasure to read from :)

[daddyzarc]

Hot take: The Barians are the only innocent creatures in all of yugioh

You’re probably wondering what I mean by this, but I have a perfectly sound explanation.

Look at these comparisons. 

Notice anything peculiar? Let’s look a little closer.

That's better.

For those unaware, you may notice that the Barians lack a “mouth”. A mouth is “the opening in the lower part of the human face, surrounded by the lips, through which food is taken in and from which speech and other sounds are emitted.”

Why is this important? Well, because a mouth is an essential piece of the body part to engage in the act of Vore. Since Barians lack the ability to vore due to their own anatomy, they are unable to vore ever. In fanart or in the show, these angels are incapable of being involved in any of that stuff. They’re completely in the safe zone, they’re untouchable as far as the show puts them because you can’t do anything with these guys in THAT specific situation.

BUT WAIT, i hear yall typin away with a rebuttal

With the the introduction of Vrains, there exist another species of creatures without mouths—the Ignises. 

Examining the images above, this other unique species also lack these crucial mouths, so you could argue that there are 2 Yu-Gi-Oh groups that are entirely sinless. And this is a fair argument without the context of what the Ignises could do.

But could that could they do exactly?

These images say it all. They could absolutely do that within the canon of yugioh.

So without a doubt, Ignises have the wholly ability to vore other creatures with ease. And this isn’t a one-off thing either, like they did it once and that was it. Ai is shown to have done this on multiple occasions within LINK VRAINS, his homeworld, presumably in a natural form. It is safe to assume that the Ignises absorb data and dismantle prey like this.

Knowing this, Barians ARE the only creatures incapable of voring.

But I hear you screaming. “But Dyzarc, you cranky dragon you, whadda bout anal vore? Cock vore? Absorption! Plus they have HUMAN forms, too. WITH MOUTHS which means the Barians are fully capable of eating! Theyre no different than any other ygo char!”

You could make those arguments, but I also have several points to refute this.

First, the human forms.

You could say that their human forms exist so that they can vore in that sense. That’s a very reasonable assumption.

And yes.

Yes, they could do that.

Yet, human form isn’t really Barian. It’s kind of off-canon, in a sense. They only took that form because Earth is hazardous to their bodies and they cannot maintain their true forms in that unnatural state. Within the closed system of their own environment (or Barian World), which is what I care about, the Barian species does not naturally have a mouth or a human body and therefore cannot partake in that act, canon or otherwise.

Furthermore, if a person wants to draw or write vore involving a Barian  as the predator, they simply cannot do it. They must turn the Barian into a human or face the simple fact that Barians cannot vore (or a third option*).

*Theoretically, you could slap a mouth onto them or imply that a mouth exists underneath their muzzle, which only reveals itself when the Barian needs it. However, this is no different than giving a snake tiddies or putting legs on a shark just to fulfill a kink.

Secondly, I’ll focus on the other vore methods by showing pictures of some raw Barian crotches.

Now I may be blind as an olm, but they are clearly naked around the groin area. They lack any visible extremities that could be considered an anus or a cock too. Unless their anatomy works similarly to reptiles as in these organs are hidden behind a thin layer of rock around their crotch and only protrude when it is needed, they lack any organs that can perform cock or anal vore. 

Excluding their physical appearance, Barians are canonically born from a circumstance other than, say, laying eggs or live birth or asexual reproduction. Meaning if they DO have those body parts, it’ll be a vestigial structure with no other purpose than to sit there and look stalactitey, probably kinda gross-looking considering what they are. 

Of course a “cock” could function like the giant claw of a fiddler crab, where it’s mainly just for show to prove who has the biggest one (and so deserving of their territory, which is why Nasch is the leader. I’ll get into this later on why this could be the case) as well as to help them fight, find a mate, or exert their dominance.

Also, although I do not believe this image represent the entirety of Barian physiology

It is most likely that their insides consist mainly of veins and a... heart?? A star fragment, ball of spike? Whatever the case, I don’t see a stomach pouch nor do the Barians have a reason to have such a thing. The lack of a mouth and stomch makes sense in the “overarching picture” of how a Barian functions. Think about it from a human perspective. Why do we eat? Humans require food in order to produce energy to survive, grow, and reproduce, plain and simple. 

Barians, on the other hand, live in a toxic environment void of life other than themselves. They do not need to eat for there is nothing to eat.

My personal theory is that they don’t require energy through consumption of food items like humans do. They either get it from photosynthesizing since their sun appears to be very close to their planet

Or maybe the "heart” is some sort of radioactive material that supplies them with an ample amount of energy. This powerful energy surges through the body through the help of the “roots” and essentially fuels them with life without the need for the consumption of food. My assumption is that the Barian itself is the roots and hearts, while everything else is just a rocky mass separate from the actual thing (im not gonna go super in-depth into the mind-body dualism thing btw. Just think about as a hermit crab with a shell with the “shell” being made of minerals)

And if we bounce off the idea that the shell is composed of minerals, or a rock, thus being very susceptible to erosion and damage as seen in how Vector broke pieces of his body during one of the duels

They most likely naturally regenerate their body parts by burying themselves deep into the ground so that the Rock Cycle 

can repair and grow their forms. See, this process does not require food (which fits into their biology very well) and instead mandates that the Barian digs deep enough to begin the process of melting down its old, damaged body. The heart and roots will remain above the metling point of course; in fact, they play a crucial role in getting the Barian back into its proper shape. After reforming a new shell, the Barian emerges from the ground like a bunch of baby sea turtles, completely healed as long as the “molt” wasn’t disturbed. 

Furthermore, this molting cycle could explain the presence of any “cocks” found within the Barian. Molting is extremely energy-consuming and time-consuming; rushing a molt will result in an imperfect shell or other impurities, or death if the impurity is life-threatening. The hardness, body structure, addition of any extra parts, and safe resurfacing, or preventing their new bodies from being damaged as they emerge from the ground, also depends on how well the Barian could alter the temperature and pressure of its surroundings magma (molten rock) to result in the best possible shell. This means that the Barians with poor molts are young and inexperienced while Barians with the best molt are old and experienced. 

(hey can u find a better pic, this one isnt a good example)

This also works with how a big “cock” (in an abstract sense) could show their dominance over the other Barians. Or, in this case, the cock is actually extra formations to show off what they are capable of. Regular and large racks, for example, showcase a Barian’s skill at creating a new shell, with the larger and more angular the rack, the more powerful or experienced they are. This is especially difficult to do at a consistence rate, so the Barians capable of carrying it off tend to be on top of the pecking area. Nasch’s abilities to create so many horns means he’s deserving of his spot as the leader. 

The Barian pecking order probably goes down the list on how complex—in that they managed to form a perfect, angular rack—their composition is. 

Obviously, the chart simplifies what makes a great Barian. The Barian pecking order is much more complex than this.

For example, Mizael, despite the complexity in parts of the body like the face “mask”, is lower in the hierarchy than expected. Why? There is a lot to dissect about Barian physiology, but a peculiar detail is their carapaces. Unlike the rest of the body, which consist of a rocky formation, Mizael’s mask is a carapace. This could be easily seen when Nasch was briefly seen without these carapaces in this scene.

As seen on bodies of these Barians, they appear to have many carapaces which are separate from their main bodies, such as: 

These carapace could be involved in the pecking order. The fineness and sharpness of the carapaces gives the illusion of strength (notice that Nasch is covered in carapaces while Durbe practically has none) as well as adding to their maximum size.

But they could also play another vital role...  Defense Mechanism

It may sound strange, but I believe that Barians are built solely for defense.... 

Let’s take a look at a creature whose behavior and structural patterns mimics the Barians, the noble Hermit Crab.

I like to compare these two species due to their essentially parallelism in terms of “form follows function” such as:

(Marine Hermit Crab adding extra defenses to its shell using a venomous sea anemone; similar to a Barian adding sharp carapaces to its already tough, rocky exterior)

Comparing the likeness of the two, it could be assumed that the carapaces provide extra protection over the Barians’ main defense (rocky shell). The carapaces aren’t involved in the molting cycle, of course, due to their complicated build. It’ll be a massive waste to destroy them. Since a Barian could remove them at will, they most likely store the pieces above ground (or above melting point) and molt without them. After they finish molting, they retreive the carapaces. Again, very similar to the molting process of a hermit crab.

It may feel like I am going on a tangent of Barian anatomy rather than focus on their ability, or thereby lack of, to vore, but these details can be used to explain why Barians cannot vore from a historical standpoint.

They cannot vore because they are built like a prey. 

Like hermit crabs, they are “bottom-feeders” with no prey of their own—mostly in part due to the absence of food on their home planet. Instead of being designed like a predator with the capability to vore, a mouth, they are the exact opposite in that they have only the defensive capabilities to defend themselves against a predator.

So following this, if there is a strong need for defensive pressure, who is the offensive pressure? A creature cannot be so defensively driven (thick shell, regeneration, armor, etc.) without the presence of a harmful force.

If it isn’t obvious, their predator are the aqueous Astral Beings. 

Astral Beings are the perfect Barian predator (perhaps co-evolution played a part in this, or y’kno eliphas just said fuck those guys, lets kill em). 

Moving along, not only are they armed with mouths, water is one of the natural forces that could heavily erode rocks, as seen along beaches, rivers, and cliff-sides, into a pile of sand and mud. Barians, with their outermost covering consisting of rock, are especially vulnerable to being broken down by the Astral Beings, exposing their sensitive cores to a likely death. 

Their main defense against this is either: 

(1) Regeneration, they can drop limbs and endure damage to their shell without fear of death, then repair any injuries during their molt

(2) Armor, the sharp carapaces (made of metals that can withstand water) can ward off potential attackers

A third defense that follows the how Astral Beings vore Barians in a predator/prey relationship could also be seen in the habitat of the Barians, or the presence of the Sea of Ill Intent. 

Instead of being made of water, the sea is made of a very strong acid. Why is this important? For any of you that took a chemistry course, the proper technique of mixing acid and water (i.e the Astral Being), you must add acid into the water in that order. The flow of acid into water mixes the two better, preventing a reaction to occur. Adding water into acid, on the other hand, causes the water to react with the acid due to poor initial mixing, causing it to boil and potentially explode.

For this case, the rocky exterior of the Barian allows them to be submerged into the acid without risk of immediate death. Unless the Astral Being wants to harm itself by going into the acid to pursue its prey, they most likely will abandon the prey. If the acid starts to dissolve Barian’s shell (say, the Astral Being attempting to stakeout the Barian) they could regenerate the broken pieces during their next molt.

So not only Barians cannot vore, but they are hapless prey at that! 

They are far from helpless prey—in the same way a Rhinoceros is considered a prey animal—but there is plenty of evidence that lead up to the fact they are indeed a prey species. 

And the fact that they are the bottom of the barrel scavenger, harmless, unable to be a fearsome predator, only a potential prey at best...

They’re just innocent.

Now you say “Kay Dyzarc, ya made me read a longass analysis on the biology of a bunch of space rocks to prove some sickass vore fantasy of yours. Now what. What was the point.” 

Welcome to Zarc n’ Pals, installment 1 baby, strap in for a wild ride

[nobeliumoxygenoxygen]

Seromina || Firsts

For Sero Ship Week Day 3: Firsts at @seroshipweek​

SUMMARY: Ashido tends to overshare her personal life on social media so it’s only fitting that she shares her favourite moments on it too, right?

But this time, it’s only for one pair of eyes.

GENRE: sero hanta x ashido mina, social media au (I think?)

TEXT from your queen 💕

follow @iloveutapeboi on insta its private but dw youll be accepted start from the first post!!!!!!!!

POSTS

1

[Image: Candid of Sero taken from the side; slightly blurry, low angle as if the photographer was trying to be discreet as they took it. He’s wearing an orange hoodie with black stripes. He’s grinning at someone in front of him and he holds a bitten meat pie in one hand. In the background, there are barely visible bowling lanes.]

Caption: the first time i thought to myself “maybe seros actually cute and i actually like him in a like like way” if that make sense lol. maybe there were other times but this was the earliest memory i could think of. this was after that laser tag game we all played and you did your whole dramatic self sacrificing for me (lol quickest way to my heart - take a laser tag shot for me). 

2

[Image: Image of the city taken from inside a bus. Half the image is of the seats of the bus whilst the other half are buildings of the city. A few people are in the shot, but they’re faces are unrecognisable.]

Caption: first time I realised I was in loveeee (i love youu) how cheesy amirite. its a bus because i realised it when we were going back to ua together after a field trip and idk i just had this light bulb moment ok ugh this is too cheesy were done here ily but im cringing too hard at the cheesinesssss (two posts in and im already dying but im pushing thru!!!!)

3

[Image: 2 puppies being held by someone who is clearly Sero by the look of the arms and his orange black striped hoodie. One puppy in each arm; a white pit bull and a brown one.]

Caption: our not-so-official first date?? idk if you’d call it that but like......we were alone together so idk??? u know i was going to actually confess today but the dogs were so cute they distracted me!! so i forgot lol!!! (theyre only sliiiiiightly cuter than u dw dw!!! 🤣)

4

[Image: Sero’s silhouette inside a movie theater. He’s facing the camera but it’s too dark to see much other than the shadows of his face and the glint of his white teeth in his grin. In the far left of the photo, the Lego Movie is playing.]

Caption: our official first date (tho i guess it was kinda rushed??? considering i literally told u i liked u like an hour earlier lmao but i wouldnt have it any other way ❤️)

5

[Image: Ashido’s room, taken from the doorway. The bed is unmade; the curtains are drawn back to let the sunlight in; the desk is a mess of school books and loose sheets. Ashido’s arms are outstretched in front of the camera; she’s forming a heart with her hands.]

Caption: place we had our first kiss!!! (tho we failed like five times and kept laughing!! the movies are wayyyy too serious - they make it seem like ur not allowed to laugh!! our kisses are so much better😘)

6

[Image: Pathway leading up into a park where cherry blossom trees frame the edges. There are a few passerbys and one dog, legs a blur, running through the image.]

Caption: place i asked you to be my boyfriend because SOMEONE STILL had this WEIRD idea that?? i??? didnt?? like?? them? EVEN AFTER?? LIKE FIVE DATES?? AND FIVE KISSES???

7

[Image: UA Heights Alliance common room. Looking through the windows, it’s night and there’s no one in there but there’s food wrappers strewn across the coffee table and the floor.]

Caption: place you said your first i love you (ok i suppose i shouldnt be salty about the boyfriend asking thing because first ilys are such a milestone!!!! ps. im still sorry i panicked when u said it lmao i love how we laugh about it but i know from sources coughbakuyellingthat1tapeboiwasstressingashell that you almost cried ilyyyyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️)

8

[Image: Close up focus of Sero’s lit up face. He’s giving a close-eyed smile to someone slightly to the left of the camera. Just making it in the frame is a slice of bright blond hair. The background is blurred but it is clearly of a busy beach; the sky is blue and there’s not a cloud in sight. There are two figures, one shirtless with red hair and one wearing a wetsuit cut off at the lower thigh with what might be black or dark purple hair in the water in the far background.]

Caption: when i said my first i love you (i love you toos and i love yous on phones dont count!!! and also u are sooooooo cute in this photo!!! not that ur not always cute ofc 😋)

9

[Image: Text screenshot. (Sent) Ashido: IM SO MAD AT U SERO HANTA ANSWER MEEE (Receiving) Sero: NEVER U TRAITOR (Sent) Ashido: UR THE TRAITOR!!!!]

Caption: first fight :( one of the saddest chapters of my life i hope we never do that again ❤️

10

[Image: Rice with natto on top, chopsticks on the side. The dish is on top of pink, patterned napkins.]

Caption: first (of many!!!!!!!!) anniversaries (see??? taking pics of food is VERY important!! and u dared to make fun of my ‘attempts at being aesthetics’!!)

11

[Image 1: Necklace in shape of a crown with engraving of words “Alien Queen”.  Image 2: Necklace is flipped over with engraving of words “Ashido Mina”.]

Caption: first (of many!!!!!!!!!!) anniversary presents (I LOVE IT SO MUCH WHY R U SO NICEEEEEEE ITS SO CUTE IM WEARING IT EVERYDAY ILY)

12

[Image: From the side, Sero smiling softly, looking up at a beautiful orange sky to match his brighter orange hoodie. His eyes are wide but he’s happy. Behind are a few trees.]

Caption: I love youuuuuuuuuuuu sero hantaaaaaaaaaa and dont you forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *spam of heart emojis* (also u r seriously wearing the same hoodie in like five of these pics w h y)

TEXT to your queen 💕

im actualy cryin can i call u

TEXT from your queen 💕

oof  [Image: google search bar “how to comfort crying boyfriend”.] ofc u can!!

CALL TRANSCRIPT:

Sero: How long have you been planning this? I love you so muchhhhhhhh. I’m crying, can you hear my tears? How did you do it? Did you go to every place or were you planning this from the beginning?

Ashido: *laughter* You can’t hear tears dummy. And you’re not meant to cry! Its meant to be a happy thing! *more laughter*

Sero: ...Glad to know your happy about my pain. ...Its amazing I have literally no words Ashido. I love it-I love you and I love us. Thank you so much.

Ashido: Awww don’t make me blush. It was nothing!

Sero: What do you mean NOTHING? Don’t insult yourself Ashido Mina this is...I don’t know-EVERYTHING!

Ashido: Okay that’s true. I’m awesome.

Sero: I’m going to treasure this forever. You’ll never delete this account right?

Ashido: *giggling* Course not!

Sero: It’s too amazing. Seriously, and I gave you the most cliche relationship present ever.

Ashido: Eesh don’t worry! I love my present! Besides it was the final piece for the account!

Sero: If you say so. You know, I don’t think a meme war counts as a fight...in a relationship...

Ashido: Of course it does! I was soooo angry at you. How could you side with Kirishima?! It was so frustrsting! You wouldn’t BELIEVE!

Sero: ...Trust me I believe. *muffled* Especially after you taped me to the ceiling.

Ashido: What was that?

Sero: Nothing! Also how’d you take the pic of your room with your arms in front of you? Is it...*whispers loudly* sorcery?

Ashido: *giggling* You got it. I have a second quirk that I-...I kept secret. Yup. But I’m telling you because you’re my boyfriend and all.

Sero: And I will totally believe you, because you’re my girlfriend, and all. Hey, I know you need your beauty sleep but can I come over--

Ashido: Yes!

Sero: --tomorrow--wait, what?

Ashido: Oh. Well-

Sero: *muffled snort* Someone’s desperate.

Ashido: *huff* Shhh! You can come over anytime!

Sero: Would you really not mind if I came over now? At like...*shuffling* eleven?

Ashido: Is that even a question? If you come over now, I can add it to the journal!

Sero: The journal?

Ashido: The account Sero!

Sero: Okay...Why? It’s not the first time I’ve been to your house. Firsts was the theme right?

Ashido: Yep! And I can make it ‘First night spent together’ wink wink.

Sero: …*muffled laugh* Whatever floats your boat.

Ashido: But you’re getting a cab here right? You better not walk out this late at night!

Sero: I mean, we’re both training to be heroes if we can’t walk out at night then what could we do--

Ashido: Sero you butt!

Sero: --but yes I’m getting a cab.

Ashido: Good! You better stay on the phone the whole time too!

Sero: Of course. I love you Ashido Mina.

Ashido: And I love you Sero Hanta! ...Wait are you still wearing that orange hoodie?

Sero: ...*distant mumbles* Why do you hate my beloved hoodie so much?

Ashido: *equally distant mumbles* If you wear it one more time the photos will think you have one hoodie.

Sero: What would you say if I said yes?

Ashido: I’d say we’ve got our next date planned and you can guess what it is.

Sero: ...I mean, I wouldn’t say no to any time with you anyway?

Ashido: Pfft, stop being cute. Just-alright, whatever. Tomorrow? At whatever time we wake up I guess?

Sero: It’s a date.

A/N: completely forgot that they live in the same building so pretend it’s holidays or something 🤷 buuuut i hope you enjoyed this was harder than expected so im rlly sorry if they seem ooc 😳!! Thanks for reading!!

[scaryscarecrows]

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.

[mahougirlfriend-archive]

pokemon journey au thoughts (tm): 

- sakuya and yuuya are the “rivals” of the story 

- sakuyas starter is a popplio given to him by yuuya... his journey starts with him running away from home entirely, more interested in becoming a (better) trainer (than yuuya) than remaining the family heir... yuuyas gift of a starter is what ultimately convinced him to leave, though he would never admit it and even treats his pokemon more as underlings rather than partners on his team for the first part of journey 

- yuuya very much does not consider himself sakuyas rival, but is more than willing to play along if it helps motivate sakuya to get himself away from the le bel father 

- ryouta is a nurse in training! her mother is a pkmn nurse, and they own their own center, but more often than not ryouta finds herself both running the center and taking care of her sickly mother,, 

-(sighs) her mother passes away before ryouta enters the story, and we first meet her when sakuya pushes his popplio too hard in training and has to rush them to the nearest pkmn center,, he finds himself bursting through the doors of a center that appears to be shut down, if not for the girl crying behind counter 

- ryouta, never one to turn down a pokemon in need, opens the center for him... she really chews him out for pushing his pokemon too hard, and he like,, knows that he shouldnt be doing that and he knows how much his popplio cares for him and cares for them so much too but he has so much bad shit ingrained in his head that he STILL tries to argue, albeit very weakly, that his pokemon are his own to do what he wants with them (ryouta could barely hear him,, hes in a waiting room shair with his knees drawn to his chest and he cant look at her) 

- ryouta honestly doesnt know how to respond other than by telling him she doesnt feel comfortable giving his popplio back to him if he feels that way 

- sakuya kinda has a panic attack abt that and like genuinely opens up to this stranger about why he feels the need to push himself n his team so hard (pressure from his shitty dad) which ryouta doesnt like. agree w or think is a good excuse but she defs relates becus shes done plenty of things under the guise of ‘gotta do what i need to for my parents sake’ (very different situations but like,, still) 

-  i just realized how long this post is im writing the outline for a fic now asjhsjk so uh long story short ryouta shares a little bit of her situation as well n ultimately decides to go with sakuya on his journey! bro they are teens,, they are disagreeing on things but still relate on deep level,, bro they are growing closer as friends now,, now theyre realizing how much they care for the other,,, bro,,,,, 

- oh also instead of “gary was here, ash is a loser” its “YUUYA WAS HERE! sakuya is doing a great job!” 

thats all im putting here but uh ask me about the part of the au where nageki is a yamask jhdaasfjkdfas