#theyre all ive been thinking abt the last couple months

[supersappho]

i made a party for Red and Serena and am currently trying to figure out their dynamics together

theyre a bunch of strong personalities who are forced to party together and in order graduate magic school they have to learn to get along🫡

[zemnarihah]

i got pulled over and i have to go to court i think

[wttcsms]

Hihi i saw ur request box was open & i just couldnt resist! A big confession to make here, uhh ive been such a big fan of u and yr writings and also u were the v first fanfic blog i came across a couple years ago so yea, u literally open my third eye to a whole new world of fics👉👈 🥺

i feel like you havent written angst in a while–and bc i miss ur angsty haikyuu fics– sooo could i request post-breakup college!au with atsumu or iwai (honestly anyone who'd best fit the scenario cuz i trust ur characterization👌) abt the aftermath of the breakup, them seeing us on campus and unconsciously following us with their eyes, reschin to help out on instinct only to realize theyre no longer together, thinking about what could've been just reminisce reminisce

ahhhh im sry honestly dont know how to expand more on the idea

thank you for stealing my ficvirginity😃

pairing atsumu miya x f!reader word count 2.1k content contains exes still in love, college!au, mutual pining author's notes hi <3 i remember you (eycee, right?). don't be a stranger! you can always dm me and say hello :) thank you for the constant support. not sure if this fic is angsty enough, but i wanted yours to be the first req i do <3

“Hi, welcome in! Let me know if— Oh.”

Your voice falters, recognition and maybe even something similar to embarrassment flits across your face, and a split second later, you go back to smiling like nothing’s wrong. Like the two of you haven’t spent the better half of this month actively avoiding each other at all costs, even though the sprawling acres of the University of Tokyo suddenly feels too small. The entirety of Japan has felt too small ever since it became his mission to never cross paths with you ever again. 

This mission of his started just a little over two weeks ago, on the very same day you decide to use his heart as your own punching bag. The worst part of it all, though, is the fact that he doesn’t even hold any type of contempt for you. It’s a cruel sort of joke; sometimes, Atsumu Miya feels like everything bad that happens to him is just some sort of sick punchline in a sitcom instead of real life. 

Usually, when girlfriends find out their high school sweetheart is going to be a wildly successful (and rich) professional athlete, they’ll do anything in their power to hang onto him.

You decided to snip the invisible string tying the two of you together, and you did it so effortlessly, so quickly, that Atsumu had to make sure that he hadn’t been imagining the last four years of your relationship. 

He’s got his hands shoved in his pockets, and he’s torn between staring at you like a total creep or looking at everything in the campus bookstore but you. He settles for the former, scared that this will be his last opportunity to really look at you. 

Neither of you is saying anything. It’s a Saturday and so no one else is even in the bookstore this morning, and Atsumu wants to say something, anything, but he’s never been that great at carefully picking his words, and he’s scared out of his mind that he’ll say something stupid and prove once and for all that you had been right to break up with him. Better yet, he wants you to say something. He wants you to give him a better explanation instead of the bullshit you told him in his apartment. 

We just want different things.

What does that even mean? He thinks he would have shouted out that question, if only your little break up speech hadn’t caught him so off guard. Different things? The two of you wanted different things? Sure, Atsumu likes to sleep in a freezing cold apartment, and you need the room to actually be at a reasonable temperature. And maybe Atsumu has a penchant for overly fried, greasy foods when all you want (and deserve) is a fancy dinner. Maybe Atsumu wants to be at a sports store instead of browsing aisle after aisle in Sephora, but he doubts these different wants have accumulated so much that you felt you had no choice but to break his heart. 

“Hey, Miya.” You say it softly, dropping the perky customer service voice you greeted him with before you turned around and realized who he was. And he flinches. He fucking visibly cringes at the way you speak to him, walking on eggshells and going back to formalities like he’s barely above a stranger to you.

Miya.

(Did you know that he wanted to make that your last name?

Do you know that he still does, even now?)

“Hey,” he replies back, curling his fingers into fists inside his pocket. He thinks his voice comes out all scratchy, like how it always sounds when you don’t use your voice nearly enough. He clears his throat awkwardly. Everything feels awkward; everything feels wrong. He says “hey”, but what he really means to say is please don’t call me Miya; you know the color of my toothbrush, you don’t have to call me Miya. 

“Were you looking for something?” 

You.

Subconsciously, Atsumu finds himself seeking you out. He walks by another girl on campus and almost breaks his neck with the speed he turns around to catch a whiff of the perfume wafting from her body because he swears it’s the same fragrance you favor. He walks by the building that houses all the classrooms for your specific major, even though it’s located on the opposite side of his own classes because he secretly hopes against all hope that he’ll run into you, and you’ll see him and fall in love with him again. He goes to the same restaurants the two of you frequently ate at together, and he orders your usual because you can never finish your entire meal and always have him finish off the leftovers for you (and the food is always good, but somehow it doesn’t taste the same when your utensils haven’t touched it first). And he doesn’t even need to be here, doesn’t even care enough about his stupid class to go out of his way to buy the study guide, but he knows you’ve started picking up the weekend shifts at the campus bookstore, and suddenly, he cares enough about passing to get the damn study guide. 

He shrugs. “Just some stupid workbook to study for an upcoming exam, but it’s not that serious.” 

“Oh. Is Dr. Furata giving you a hard time again?” 

“How do you do that?” Atsumu blurts out, wanting to kick himself for giving too much of himself away. You already own every centimeter of his heart and maybe his soul. You don’t need anything else from him; he’s almost certain there’s nothing left for him to give you, but he can’t help but impulsively ask the damn question that’s been running through his mind ever since you left him behind. 

Did you know that when you’re confused, your brows furrow together, and you get this adorable, endearing crinkle in between them? Do you know that he still finds that same expression as cute as he did when you still called yourself his girlfriend? 

“What are you talking about?” 

How can you just stand there and act like you never crushed his heart? How do you wake up in the morning and not feel like your life is missing something important, like you’ll never feel whole again? How can you keep him wrapped around your finger, and then have the audacity to not even realize it? How did you let him go so quickly? 

Practicing caution, he swallows hard before clarifying, “How do you know everything?” Because if you can act like he’s just a polite acquaintance, like he’s nothing more than another fellow classmate, he can try to play pretend too. He can act like there’s not enough history between the two of you to fill up every damn textbook in this stupid store. “Yeah, Dr. Furata’s been on everyone’s ass. Somethin’ about midterm grades being worth a quarter of our overall grade.” 

“Believe me, you’re not the first victim of Dr. Furata’s to come wandering in the store. I think I have a few more of the workbooks he suggested in stock. Let me go check.” 

It’s instinct at this point for Atsumu to just follow you. If he uses his imagination, it’s almost like he’s back to browsing in a makeup store, walking aimlessly in every aisle, following you loyally because he’s happy to have you lead the way and he doesn’t care where he ends up, so long as you’re there with him. 

But this isn’t an afternoon date with you. This is him following a bookstore employee. After you find that study guide, which is really nothing more than his flimsy excuse for seeking you out, you’re going to ask him “card or cash?”, ring him up at the register, and he’s going to walk out that door and have to act like he’s still not in love with you. All the while, you’re doing fine. You’re fine right now, and you’re going to be fine when he leaves, and you’re probably going to be fine, five years down the line, when you’re happy with someone else and Atsumu is alone because in this little hypothetical, he still hasn’t gotten over you.

He is trailing behind you in this bookstore, and your back is facing him, and he’s panicking because he doesn’t think he’s capable of not loving you. 

Just two weeks ago, you knew him better than anyone else in the world, maybe even better than Osamu, perhaps even better than he knows himself. Now, you just give him a polite smile as you grab the small stool to reach the books located at the very top of the shelf. 

“God, I hate the way we organize everything in the store.” You say, lightheartedly complaining. He knows you do. He knows because he’s known you for nearly a decade. The two of you have grown up together. You made this same complaint sprawled out on the couch in his apartment. 

When he doesn’t reply, you look down to see if something’s the matter, only to do it too quickly that you find yourself losing your balance. Before you can come crashing to the floor, Atsumu is quick to catch you, and you pretend that his protective embrace isn’t comforting. You pretend not to notice that he’s wearing the cologne you bought him for Christmas last year, and you continue to pretend that you don’t miss him at all, that you don’t still love him. 

And for a second, the two of you both pretend that you’re still with each other. That it’s perfectly okay to savor this intimate moment, that his arms wrapped around your body right now isn’t awkward in the slightest. He’s staring at you with a sort of starstruck, boylike wonder, and it’s so familiar, so sweet, because it’s the way he always used to look at you. His lips part slightly, like he’s about to say something, and—

The loud ring! interrupts whatever moment the two of you are sharing, and you nearly jump out of his arms. You hear the distinct footsteps of another student, and you adjust your shirt before remembering where the two of you are — what the two of you are. Not a couple. Barely even friends. Just a bookstore employee and a student that needs a book. That’s all the two of you are allowed to be.

“I should probably go check up front and make sure they don’t need any help.” You tell him, biting down on your lip. “Anyway, did you need anything else, or would you like me to check you out right now?” 

He blinks a few times, as if still in a daze. “Uh, yeah, sure.” The tips of his ears are flushed a light pink. “Y-yeah, I’m done here.” 

The two of you practically race each other to the front of the store, and you step behind the counter to scan his workbook. He drums his fingers, looking around the store. When he’s nervous, he likes to be moving. You know this. 

Just looking for an excuse to use his hands, Atsumu mindlessly picks a pack of gum off a nearby rack and slides it towards you so you can also scan it. You know you shouldn’t say it. You know it’s supposed to be a clean break. Instead, you tell him, 

“Actually, if you want, I have the fruit variety flavor.” 

“Huh?” This catches his attention. 

You reach into one of the boxes that have just been shipped to the store, rummaging through a tiny one before revealing a shiny, new package of gum, this one advertising all the flavors based on tropical fruits. “Would you rather have this one?” 

“Oh, yeah!” As if truly forgetting what the two of you actually are (exes, strangers with too much history, two people still pretending like they’re not in love), his eyes light up. “How did you kno—” He doesn’t finish the question. He knows the answer to the question. 

You’re quick to finish ringing him up, the “polite strangers” illusion being completely shattered. It’s obvious, really, that there are always going to be parts of Atsumu that still live deep inside of you. You can only hope that this isn’t the case for him. 

You hand him the bag, and when he grabs it from you, your fingers just barely graze each other’s. Atsumu is scared — scared that this might be the last time he ever feels your touch. 

And because you’re a glutton for punishment, you find yourself telling him,

“Don’t be a stranger.”

You can’t tell who’s more devastated: you or him.

[turigirl]

Could you tell us either abt ur ocs or your f/os? :-)

hi anon i love you

my ocs that ive been thinking about most lately have been those under the tag "fine & mellow" :o) theyre a 60s girl band! ive read a lot about the dynamics of popular bands, specifically in this time period, and i think the love-hate relationship that usually results is really interesting.

i think if i ever illustrated it in some way (art or writing or etc) id want it to be a comic. maybe a webcomic, maybe a physical comic. im not super sure on that.

id want to include things like interviews, magazine covers, album covers, photos of them, etc, played as from a real band (as real as a picture of furries can be). i have a list of album names and song ideas for each one (some being existing songs to pretend are theirs, some being "original" songs. meaning i made it up)

the band is founded in 1959 by dominique dalmatian, who is the main character. she's reserved- not shy necessarily but cautious of every new person she meets. she has bpd (projectionn of my symptomsss) and depression that creeps in slowly and immobilizes her. and she plays bass! she has a strong work ethic and will push her feelings (and others') aside to finish her work, in this case being f&m's albums.

fine & mellow is the name of the band, by the way, to be clear. it's named after a jazz standard and slowly becomes more and more ironic.

there are other guitarists before, of course, but the most important one is laura labradoodle. she's peppy and brings a lighter tone to their music as well as a more romantic light. shes a brilliant songwriter, despite it being really just a hobby. shes a full time photographer when they recruit her. when she joins in 1962, the band as a whole changes. she and dom write songs together, becoming closer and closer. that relationship and how it bends and breaks is especially what i would focus on. there's something so heartbreaking about getting so close, hearing a part of the others soul, only for something to backfire and send the band into a downward spiral.

clears my throat. so anyway, the drummer is named lolly lamb, and she stays from the beginning (until she's pushed out by jackie, who you'll hear about in a sec). she adores 40s and 50s fashion and has a seemingly instinctual sense of beat. drumming for f&m started out as a favor for her friend and ended up becoming so much more for her, and the rest of them.

in early 1964, after a couple months of no creative breaks, laura brings in... a hairdresser. her name is jackie jackrabbit, and she stares at the other two like they've grown new heads. but she's laura's friend, and they know the moment she sings with them that they've got something special. jackie is a little snobby and a little blunt, but manages to fit in fairly well. she can't play an instrument, but her singing ability more than makes up for it, and laura hands her a tambourine a few months later.

they release an album in july, and it seems to be the domino piece slowly falling into place. after months of arguing with jackie, lolly leaves the band.

they hire a session drummer, LAYLA, but she quickly becomes their permanent drummer for their next albums. layla (stylized in all caps) is the stage name of susie sloth-bear, a drummer who first got famous as a model. but she was good, playing as a session drummer across the states.

but the making of their next album with layla is FULL of arguments, and they go on a 5 month hiatus. the hiatus gave them the new material they were looking for, but they struggled to work together in making them. most of the songs on the next album would be mainly played by one individual member. only layla collaborated with the other three. the damage was done, and their 1967 album, fittingly titled "kill the lights," would be their last.

so that was kinda long, huh? i still don't have everything set in stone, but here's a summary probably way longer than you expected. they also all have refs! which are on my toyhouse (link). i would upload them here, and someday i might get around to it, but i dont have the energy to write ids for all of em. so. ill leave it at all this. if anyone has any questions, though, id be happy to answer :o) im still workin out the kinks!

[aropride]

hi

hello internet strangers want to hear about my personal life as per usual

well as those familiar w my lore know my title ix case (us-specific college thing where, tldr, if u get sexually assaulted u can do a little mini court case thru ur school) is finally fucking over + i won . which is awesome. unfortunately the respondent (title ix word for "person who did the assaulting") got preeeetty much no sanctions at all . like literally nothing changed . the lawyer recommended they be moved to the other dorm hall but they couldnt, so basically they got put on probation and that's it. Lmao. which means my situation is WORSE than before i filed the complaint, bc b4 i filed the complaint they were in the other dorm hall, and then they moved to mine. but i can't do shit about it unless i want to take my school to, like, court.

well anyway the respondent's life changed in no meaningful way Except they moved out of the dorms last month by their own choice. i assumed that meant they were embarassed abt what they did But i guess not. Bc they've been getting really into on campus events and hanging out in the central building that i like to hang out at. and its like. okay. whatever.

but the thing is . theyve been going to a lot of queer-centric events recently . and while im the only person whos filed a complaint or won a case against them. i am not the only victim i know that for a fact and the other victim is also a queer person. So can you see why im worried about someone who managed to sexually assault two queer people within the first week of living on campus like, integrating themself into the community like nothing fucking happened

and theres this school dance coming up in a couple weeks and im worried that will give them an opportunity to like. hurt someone else.

and i want people to KNow what they did because i dont feel safe with them on campus anyway but i especially dont feel safe now theyre talking to people and making friends (especially bc most of their friends r like. friends of friends. like i dont know them but i know of them yk) . i dont know what theyre saying about me (if anything) and i especially dont know if theyve hurt anyone else. and they might have! because they demonstrated a frankly dangerous lack of regard for consent repeatedly Like i think this is a genuinely dangerous person, whether by malice or stupidity or both, and i dont want anyone else to get hurt

BUT THE KICKER IS...! well first of all we're bound by a no-contact order (baby version of a restraining order). you cant be in the same classes and you cant talk to each other (irl, online, or thru a 3rd person) the title ix coordinator has provided jack shit about what a no contact order actually entails btw lol 😒. But if i were to tell someone and they went and told that person, idk if that would be considered 3rd party contact, which would get Me in trouble

i also dont know if it would be considered "breaking confidentiality" if i said their name- again, don't know jack shit, don't have documentation of the actual rules i'm supposed to be following. but i really dont feel like this is a safe situation for this person to be on campus with no one knowing what they did

im also just generally worried about them finding out ive told people and getting mad and going to the coordinator and me getting in trouble when the only reason im even considering this is bc, again, the school didnt do jack shit

and i dont even know How i would tell aynone . like im not rly friends with most of these people . i see them around and some of them i think are cool but theyre not friends or really even aquaintences . so it would be fucking weird .

but i dont know what to do and i dont want anyone else to get hurt . and i know thats not on Me, but. i also dont want to sit back and Know. and not say anytthing

[justalilpearlie]

Hey. I just want to put this here. It's... a little bit fucked up to try to force your partner to kin a character? Especially if they're a pyschological kin, which from your posts so far, I'm pretty they are, as I think you said they're a fictive in a past post. Which is also a little bit fucked up, because, like... you're trying to force somebody to form an fictive alter (alters are formed out of trauma. Not only is it unhealthy to try to force them to form, but literally the only way to form them is fucking trauma, and you said you're 'trying to make them kin', which?? Is implying you're traumatizing them???). Yeah. Just maybe... maybe think about that one a little bit. Maybe re-evalutate a few things there, pal. Even if they aren't a fictive, trying to force somebody to form a severe pyschological delusional attachement to a character is probably not the healthiest thing to do to anybody, let alone your partner.

1st of all you dont know my partner or me at all

second of all, he's a fictive yes, but he has one set source, im not forcing them to "form a fictive". my partner is a fictive already, that has nothing to do w anything.

third of all, my partner has both IRLs and Kins, I have nothing to do w either of them other than sometimes poiting out "oh this character is kinda you coded", sometimes he just identifies w them and puts it as ID, idk in what way he kins, ik some are psychological and some are unlabeled/he hasnt told me.

what we do in our friendgroup in general is just "kinassigning" which is fairly normal- i JOKE about "forcing him", but I've showed him my own artwork of majormoon and said "oh yes thats us", specially the unicorn hybrid scott takes.

we have a mc server recreating Last Life block by block. he willingly offered to do that with me/for me and spent time making a modpack so we could play together and he could get into Life Series. which mind you the only reason they havent yet is cause theyre already hyperfixed on other medias, its the same issue i had w outsiders for months til i finally decided to get into it and i LOVED it.

you got no idea abt my partner and i's relationship, we're just very likely to kin couples most of the time, I've gotten kins/attachments to his media partners, he's shown me new animes or games he gets into saying headfirst "this is me, and this is my partner, you!" and ive gone "yeah seems fair", EVEN if i dont end up getting attached to them cause it just makes him happy, just like it makes me happy

we already planned ahead to match majormoon pfps once he gets into life series cus he doesnt like having pfps of shows he doesnt personally know to not have those awkward "omg u like this??" "no i barely know abt it.." interactions

my partner and i have actually the most healthy relationship ive had in a long while, we've been going 9 months pretty strong and i aint forcing that man into anything, yet again why i try to CLARIFY every single time i make a joke of that kind.

also when i say "my partner", he's a fictive, not a whole system, he's part of a system. i think tahts where you got the "you're trying to force them to split" thing from. no, im not dating the whole system, my partner is only one member of the system.

you barely even know my partners name and their sys name, if you even do know that from my intro post. this is honestly baffling to me imma show em this on discord, specially my husband once he fronts again

[maybege]

heloooo ❤️ first of all I wanna say I rlly adore all ur work! nd also this is the first time im sending an ask so im srry if its weird. for the love letter to creators, ur one of my favourite writers but here r some other creators ive been loving lately. they're all so talented, i think everyone should check them out especially if u like aaron hotchner from criminal minds.

@ssahotchnerr katie 💛💛💛 im absolutely addicted to ur hotchner. the way u write him is just perfect. ur work is one of the first i read for cm nd tbh ur the whole reason i love hotch as much as i do. ur fics r the y i started watching criminal minds. i was going through a rlly rough time nd ur fics have helped me through a lot. ur my comfort writer, i always turn to ur work if im feeling down. u introduced a rlly beautiful thing into my life (hotch), i dont know where id have been these last couple months w/o this nd I'll forever be grateful to u. everyone needs to read ur fragile love series (abt hotch, ofc), its so good, it makes me sob every time.

@hotchs-babygirl zeina 💙💙💙 ur a newer writer in the criminal minds/hotchner fandom (nd in general too i think) but u became one of my all time favs as soon as i read outside clothes. i rlly like the way u write, u inspired me to try writing myself. maybe this is a bit weird but i love the way u write the reader in all ur fics. theyre always so funny, plus ur writting style has a very dry humour which i like. ur fics r always so creative too nd i was surprised by ur latest one bc it seemed a lot more different but it turned out to be soooooo good, i loved how protective hotch was nd i was on the edge of my seat the whole time, i def recommend u to all hotchgirls.

@luveline jade 🩷🩷🩷 ur writing is amazing, u have this v distinct nd calming writing style, ur rlly talented. i began following u for ur criminal minds content but ive read almost all ur work even though im not part of most of ur fandoms. i didnt even know who eddie munson was at first but im totally obsessed with all ur fics abt him. reading abt him nd roan always makes my day. tbh i think ppl need to read ur work even if theyre not in ur fandom. also u seem like such a genuinely lovely person nd i love reading ur responses to all ur asks.

i just want u all (may included) to know that i rlly appreciate all of u and all ur hard work 😘 i wish u all the very best nd i look forward to all ur new fics!!

A love letter to these lovely people!

[minty-leafy]

ik tumblr has a lot of folks in the LGBTQ+ community so...

hey guys um, how do you know if ur aroace (or at least asexual) or just have commitment issues, or am i both

im 19 now, and i HAD crushes in primary sch (7-12) that i later realised i never liked them, they were just like my biases or eye candy, i would act shy around them, or do things i dont normally just for them

in secondary school (13-16), when all my friends were saying theyre jealous of couples and want to start dating, i felt nothing, i always think abt whats the point of dating, i rather hang out with my close friends, marriage doesnt appeal to me, and s*x disgusts me (but i enjoy reading smut?) every time they see a couple in public or online, they will feel jealous and salty that they dont have one, and im just there laughing at them (i purposely point out couples to them even hehe)

in poly (17-now), esp this past year and a little before that, ive been thinking if i just have commitment issues instead, because the thought of having a relationship scares me, like the label of 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' just gives me a big NO, im scared i lose feelings for the person, i had 'crushes' before but they never lasted more than half a month, it either disappears after a while, or immediately vanishes the moment i dont see them anymore

i realised the trend of my 'crushes' in poly is that they treat me nicely, like a gentleman, and i immediately think like "wow i like them", but it never lasts. when i think i like them, i try to think of us tgt, but i cant, like it feels very weird, and i cant imagine kissing them on the lips

these thoughts came out because this guy likes me, and literally our entire friend group knows, like he's not hiding it, and so our friends ship us, but when i think abt what if we were tgt, again, its just impossible, not sure if i just dont like him, am aroace, or have commitment issues. when i try to think of us doing couple things i cant, but i can freely do those with my girl friends (like hugging, holding hands, gg out 1 to 1, im a highly affectionate person, i love physical affection from close friends, be it guys or girls)

as i said before, im currently 19, and ive been singlr all my life, idk whether all these thoughts are because ive never experienced dating before, or am i just too young to confirm my sexuality?

TL:DR

19F, aroace or commitment issues, single since birth

loves physical affection and would do it with close friends no matter the gender

afraid of the term 'boyfriend'and 'girlfriend', cant imagine dating anyone, dont know if i just haven't found the one

doesnt get jealous and wishful looking at couples, never felt butterflies in stomach or heart beating fast over ppl i thought i liked, weirded out by kisses on lips (even on TV), gets repulsed by the thought of s*x

[thisisegregiouuuus]

bro 😻

its actually so insane how i used to be so obsessed w the shining. like looking back on all that i was litereally going crazy--and like my interests/phases only last like a week or so but damn that one alsted like 2 months or smth, i thought it would never end so i was kinda surprise when i watched it for like the 5th time or something and i went 'damn...this is getting kinda old'

i genuinely felt sad tho. it always feels kinda sad falling out of a phase/interest kinda thing, especially one youve liked for a while. like with the shining its fine bc i know i still like it but it was just a crazy 2 month-phase, now i still like it but like, in a normal, non-crazed kinda way lmao, like im not silently talking to myself in my head abt the shining and begging for someone, anyone to talk to me abt the shining, i was legit on the brink of madness, i couldt contain myself thats how much i loved it lmao

anyway. for now its not compeltley lost, i still do like it, but idk, the last time i watched it i could jsut tell i wasnt as interested as the previous times, and thats when i was like 'damn it, this is it ig' and it was super sad. it felt like a big loss, but then again im happy i got out of it, like i said. maybe it was for the better! now i gotta find smth else to occupy me and my attention for the next couple of weeks or ill go insane!!!

this whole the shining phase ended like 2 or 3 months ago or smth. now im jsut mucking around. ive been watching th eoffice over and over again bc yeah i do love it but liek theres literally nothing else to occupy my attention with. and i feel kinda bad saying that, like i feel stupid saying i need smth to constantly be keeping my attention or like keeping me entertained, but like otherwise i just feel like i have no meaning or purpose or anything to keep me going, and i need smth! im not depressed or anything tho i swear 🙏

anyway I LOVE THE CATCHER IN THE RYE!!!! in history today my favourite book of all time was like very briefly mentioned and i wanted to explode when i saw it, i so badly wanted to mention it but there was no way id do it in front of anyone so yeah. holden caulfield is fr me, or he was most like year last year when i was like so alone at school and hated everybody. i still dont like most people but its not as bad as it used to be

anyway i feel really stupid writing this whole thing, idkw, but yeah, for now idk what ill do. i am going in an out of different writing projects/little stories that ive made up but i can never commit to just one thing. i am going back to my main project tho, and im really happy for once because im just writing. im not worrying about what other people might think (even tho i literally dont show it to anyone i legit just write for myself i jsut get rlly stupid sometimes,) im honestly just having fun and writing what i like, and i think thats what writings all about. its not about proving yourself to anyone or trying to impress anyone, or trying to make yourself seem all big and idk intellectual and all smartsy fartsy and stuff. its litereally just to express yourself and have fun and put all your amazing ideas down onto paper, i love writing so much, especially when i dont convince myself that my writing is shit and tell myself that it's not good enough and if people were to see it they wouldnt be as impressed as i want them to be

but anyways, thats all! its been a while since ive been on here so yeah. i know no one relaly sees these but theyre still fun to write. i just like expressing myself, i feel like im honestly kind of better off if no one sees these. like it would be nice to have like a tiny little community or some friends on here or smth since tbh even tho ive been on here for like a year and a half i still dont rlly fully understand how this app works </3 im just here for fun! so anyway

thats all folks! ski you later everybody! 😼

(sidenote, yes ik i dont know how to spell 'literally' i keep messing it up😻)

[scarletanpan]

..

I'm starting to think theres an issue beyond being off my meds bc back from family trip a full day ago, and was in sm pain and covered w bruises on my arms and legs I didn't make it to work.. the excessive bruising is weird, I'm clumsy but theres abt 4-5 on each limb, and one on my face from my niece smacking me w a dog plushie while I was laying on the bed?? I think its bc of my glasses but Ive never bruised on my face, theres at least 2 now. also covered in giant bug bites that arent going away quickly even w witch hazel And looking into effexor since im on it and og my god. Not the list of meds u can take but dont mix well being like 100 names, every med ive taken i think is on it, both forms of adderall too. ik the symptoms that are rarer is an extensive list only for functional purposes but why am i experiencing so many of them. ik im at risk for a number of precautions when taking it, and may or not may not be experiencing symptoms related to those too

they say u should get labs on it regularly i never have but didnt know damn. a lil concerned abt the acute angle-glaucoma thing, first of all wtf i did Not remember seeing that side effect and my family has a history of eye issues. i get regular eye pain and razed two mailboxes in my parents neighborhood last year bc my vision whited out mid turn and i felt this weird overwhelming pain w pressure in one side of my head. never figured out what it was when i went to the doctor but. sudden extreme pressure on one side, close to my eyes, the steamy vision all sounds right. idk how i didnt run into this when i tried to search it up the issue before, i dont wanna assume but its raising too many red flags rn i got a brain scan but they said i was perfectly fine and, so i never followed up and it happened a couple more times multiple things arent meshing well w my family history/genetics. starting to realize the amount of physical pain and exhaustion ive been it for three months is kind of abnormal and needs a solution before i die. at least i have a starting point but like this is gonna cost money huh

also maybe shouldnt be working a job that requires staring at the road for 1-4 hrs a day and then stocking as quickly as u physically can (in theory im fucking slow). i wonder why i struggle sm i might not be physically capable rn. prob failing one of my classes this summer bc it took too long to realize this. ill try to prioritize it bc i paid money for this shit but the shame i feel from pushing back work feels lethal, i havent fucked up enough to get fired yet but atp itd be a saving grace. im so sorry to my coworkers im sure theyre annoyed and confused rn

[alwastakenofc]

hmmmmm so ! lesser-than-before rant incoming :)

i’ve been playing this game on my phone for the last 3ish weeks bc i’m tryna get $80 from getting to “grand sultan” level thru this app that gives me games to download and rewards me for playing them/hitting checkpoints and stuff idk it’s rly cool but that’s besides the point ! so i figured i would Bounce after the month is up bc like it’s just a gimmicky pay-to-win kind of game where if u don’t keep up daily u fall behind, BUT there’s also a Huge player base for the game (which makes it fun but also gives it that rly insanely competitive edge that makes it hard to miss days without feeling like ur behind). so one of the things i had to do was join a union/guild where i am partnered up with ppl like the guild leader and co-leader and elites and others members ya know? and we can do quests and stuff and it just gives u a good boost to everything which obviously helps u level faster ! so i was like “hmmmm maybe ill make one…” but then i noticed ppl talking in the all chat saying how they’re not new, this is their 3rd, 4th, 5th+ server that they’re hopping on bc they wanna start over again, etc etc so i was like “…. nah im not making my own union LOL” so i ended up joining this one that had free slots and rly didn’t like the guy leading it bc he was kinda rude… so i left, changed my name/avatar, and DM’d the leader of this guild i had my eye on in the first place but was full at the time! they now had 1 space free and i had to wait 24 hours to join bc i just left my last guild… so she said she’d save the spot and BAM, i got in! we talked in DMs abt how i left my last guild bc No One except the leader talked and when he did it was to Demand things from us like “Everyone better donate 200 diamonds or else.” and stuff!! lmao

SO. fast forward to now. it’s been about 3 weeks in the guild and MANNNNNN IVE MADE A FEW FRIENDS, THEYRE ALL SO NICEEEEE 🥺 me and a couple other guild members were up til Midnight last night just talking abt life and where we wanna travel and our jobs and education and Everything !! it was so wholesome and nice and so just idk. pure and innocent and Fun to just have casual conversations with ppl that were complete strangers 2 weeks ago, but who ive gotten closer to and now can have those nice long convos with !! and it was all just in the guild chat so anyone could read the next day lol but idc ! it was fun! plus my name on the game is selene which is Not my real name lol i just like the name a lot and it always makes me giggle when they say “lol, i know right selene??” and stuff and im like heh.. yea, das me 😎 idk the guild leader gave me the “life of the party” tag and said she loves my energy and it just feels so good bc i know i am just so cripplingly socially anxious irl and that’s why i can talk so easily online and love talking online so much more. like im still ME, but… not Fully being perceived to a point where i feel uncomfy or anything LOL . it’s been nice

i think imma keep playing after the month is up, i rly enjoy my guild and the ppl ive met thru it :’)

ANYWAYS!! i also think im gonna go to therapy/go to my family doctor to get reccs on therapists and maybe a psychiatrist? psychologist? idk i wanna get evaluated for… well let’s just save that for when i get evaluated bc if i don’t even have anything wrong with me and my dumbass rly gets laughed out of the office by the doctor saying “LUL no u rly just gotta try harder bruh” imma feel like a damn Fool LMAO. BUT yeah. that’ll hopefully be a thing i book this month.

also gonna be responsible and Not over spend on food when i get paid, like delivery and whatnot… but i Will be buying lifetime subscriptions to a couple japanese apps on my phone that i think will be easy access and help me learn japanese to a point of comfortability before i start college again. 😎

OKAY IM DONE WHEW. rant over :)

[highschool-rooftop]

oct. 27th, 2020

man its weird to think this blog is 2 years old isnt it? like when I started this i thought that i was anyday from just killing myself, i had no hope, no job, and was about to love my living situation but thanks to a few nice friends and accepting people, i was able to land a job at *generic sounding name for local seafood joint* and then after that place stressing me to the point of panic attacks and taking it out on the wait staff... then i ended things nice with that place despite how much i hated it and i apologized to the wait staff alot.. probably too much...

now ive worked at *big store chain* a year now and i hate it just as much as i hated *generic sounding name for local seafood joint* for a similar reason too!! i fucking despite the people that run the places i work because i know i could probably do their job 30× better, i just choose not to because thats also 30× more responsibility on my shoulders and ive already got broken legs from the shit i feel like im dealing with outside of work.

the more i focus for a minute the more i feel like my life is in shambles and that im barely functioning right anymore. ive been horribly depressed again as of the past couple months and my family i live with barely talk to me because im always in my room which is like totally fair, but if im not sleeping up there im using whatever energy is left from work to hang out with my friends because theyre actually engaged in the topics i talk about, they show interest and actually talk to me not at me. my aunt and uncle and i have few interests in common so its incredibly difficult for me to keep a conversation going for long with them. theyre always playing card games or board games but im not interested in them, theyre not really that fun for me. my uncle plays xbox but hes typically on COD which i dont enjoy because of how toxic those communities are, hes got minecraft but the last time he played he never told me he was getting on at all otherwise i would've joined! then theres me and my cousin who are currently on nearly completely different schedules and really only see each other when hes taking me to and from work which makes it hard to hang out and play games, and thats of hes even willing to play any of the games im comfortable with and not trying another Survival-Crafting-RPG-Game of the week or something like factorio which is hyper complicated and i dont have the time to dedicate to learning how to play correctly so i just end up being a resource collector and its kinda boring..

and all of thats just the at home situation. my friends at least hear from me more but since alot of them have moved out of town for college at this point i haven't hung out with a friend outside of work irl in like 5, maybe 6 months... and i dont interact with many people at work. im really really lonely.

small bit of good news i feel i should add here in case i dont come back again for a few months is that ive scheduled an appointment to see someone abt getting hrt, itll be Jan 19th! ill also be seeing a few of my online friends in December too!! i hope i can stay alive at least until then. sometimes i feel like im in the same situation i was in when i started this blog but those two things are the two things giving me the hope to keep pushing on i guess.

oh and my old friends birthday will be this weekend, i probably shouldve just forgotten them by now like they probably have me but in the off chance that they ever find this stupid blog: happy birthday BXXXXX, hope you have been in good health and that you are happy ! please be well and enjoy Freddy VS Jason and the Scary Godmother, and the live action Scooby Doo movies again this year !

with that i think thats all ive had to say. im neglecting mentioning new speaker of the house, Mike Johnson, and all the terrible horrible things i want to say abt him and how im worried it will fuck with my healthcare before i even recieve it due to the fact that im typing this up outside, its cold out, my phones almost dead, im tired, and i still have a bit of this bowl of the married iguanas to finish up with before unwinding and going to bed to repeat this living nightmare of a life all over again tomorrow. maybe ill watch adventure time before bed ..?

[knightzp]

ooooh this looks so fun thanks for the tag tia!!!

favorite units: knights, 2wink, alkaloid, ryusetai and valkyrie

units produced: knights and im gonna start producing 2wink too!

favorite beatmaps: i dont remember them aldksk

last beatmap played: uhhh i think it was love it love it? ive had the hajime event 5* card for a while and only now ive seen its spp in this song lol

favorite songs: like. ALL knights songs, but to say some silent oath, checkmate knights, little romance, mystic fragrance, castle of my heart, promise swords, article of faith. also play tag, fighting dreamer, ryusei hanabi, temptation magic, acanthe, beautiful nightingale, kiss of life, vermillion (actually all alkaloid songs too), dance in the apocalypse and many more but this is already too long lol

favorite characters: all knights and 2wink, hiiro, aira, mika, mao, shinobu, kanata, sora

top 3 ships: RITSUMAO, hiiai aaaand either izuleo, chiakana or tatsumayo

least favorite units: eden (or more like adam bc i do like eve) and crazy:b. not that i hate them but i like the others more, so theyre my least favorites

least favorite characters: similar to the previous one, mmm id say himeru and ibara maybe? again, not that i hate them. also have a complicated relationship with eichi (i still dont really get his character) and rinne (i Understand why he did the things he did but still i think there were times when he went too far and he hurt a lot of people so idk how to feel abt it)

beatmap you do not like: uhhh i dont remember a specific one but those that have a lot of single notes very very fast in the same row bc i ALWAYS miss there so i can never get a full combo >:(

favorite event: ive only been playing for like a couple of months and tbh i still havent read any of the events in which ive participated in bc i was busy reading the main story instead :') so i cant really answer this

tagging: no one but if any of my mutuals are actually into enstars please please do it and tag me, i mean it id love to read your answers!!!

Enstarrie Tag Game!

I want to know my enstarrie mutuals and friends better, along with random enstarries on tumblr, so lets start!! Favorite Unit(s): Knights and Valkyrie Unit(s) Produced: Knights, Valkyrie, and Eden! Favorite Beatmap(s): EXCEED (Expert Difficulty, 29+), Acanthe (Expert Difficulty, 28) D.I.L.F Course you enjoy: uhh the new DI one Last D.I.L.F/Beatmap played: Starry Milky Charm! (ENGstars) Favorite Song(s): Acanthe, Courscate Breeze, Something something Electronic Labyrinth, Be The Party Bee!, Ariadne, Castle of my Heart, and so many more!!! Favorite Character(s): Tsukasa Suou, Mika Kagehira and Shu Itsuki!! (Now followed by Hajime, Hiyori, and Ibaba!) Top 3 ships: Shukasa, Shumika, Izuleo Least Favorite Unit(s): Switch (sorry switch-Ps) Least Favorite Character(s): None, really!!! Subaru used to be down there but now he's not! Beatmap/D.I.L.F you do not like: Noisy:Beep I still cant fc it rgrgrgrg Favorite Event: Sunshine! (!!) Knights summer event! I've reread it over 20 times now!!! Tag your friends!: @izzuleos @lycanthian @ututaival @sea-bound @dolllce

[britneyshakespeare]

whenever ppl make haha funny shitposts about “what if instead of kpop it was (insert another non-anglophone country, usually eastern european) pop and girls were making all these thirst posts about (insert ethnic masculine names that are supposed to sound funny)”

that’s super racist. if u think asian men being the focus of desirability is normalized in our culture, youre extremely wrong. as if kpop fans aren’t cringed about at length as it is. there’s nothing funny about liking music that isn’t made by english speakers. there’s nothing more or less strange about ‘stanning’ pop stars outside of one’s own culture. ppl who aren’t americans/english-speaking do it all the time.

and there’s still a level of ethnocentrism at play in these posts. theyre specifically designed not to seem racist and that’s why they usually use european countries (i’ve mainly seen russia and germany as examples). but to act as if there are no european cultures that are negatively stereotyped in the west, just. like. wow. no. not even gonna start there w the historical hierarchies throughout europe. but there’s nothing funny about ppl being from these countries either. popstars or not. and do you know how much genuinely interesting pop music comes out of continental europe? it is every bit as worth listening to as kpop.

[cryptvokeeper]

Genuine question, can you tell me a bit about the cup people you've been reblogging recently? The art and comics are always cool but I have no idea what this is from lmao. If you're busy, no worries! Hope you're having a great day 💛

ASDFGHJKL yeah sure! its like past midnight tho so this will not be coherent at all;

so thats cuphead and mugman from the indie game cuphead by studio mdhr which is a whole cool story on its own cuz like the studio was literally started by two brothers who one day were like "hey wee should make a game" and then took like 10 years to make it but it was their passion project and it grew and grew and when it finally released it was a huge success and has ports on like every console and has some dlc coming soon and also a Netflix show which we will get to and is honestly just such a feel good game development story which is so rare in the video game industry so yay ^_^

but anyway so the basic gist of the game is that its an extremely difficult bullet hell/run and gun game thats made with completely hand drawn animation in the rubber hose style of early cartoons like the fleischer brothers. all the music is also recorded by a live band which is rad. The plot is that the two brothers, cuphead and mugman, gamble with the devil and lose, so now they have to collect all the soul contracts of the devil's runaway debtors or theyre the ones who'll lose their souls. It came out in 2017 so its a couple years old at this point (almost 5??? holy shit) and you can definitely find plenty of playthroughs online. as I said it was notorious for being very hard and got called like "the dark souls of ___" which, eh, like I haven't played either cuphead or dark souls but I know for sure that their gameplay is NOTHING alike theyre both just really hard.

I used to think the game was really cool but never really got too far into the fandom because it got popular very quickly and it came with a fast and inevitable backlash of getting called cringe. but now im a tax paying adult woman who doesnt CARE about cringe and I do what I want and have been having a great time! The animated series came out on Netflix last month and I finally watched it and fell headfirst back into being into cuphead cuz its really good. It is a little different, it doesnt follow the game but its a fun time in its own right. I was struggling earlier to describe it cuz I wanted to say its low stakes but that isnt right, cuz its still get the premise of selling your immortal soul to the actual devil its just like...low impact? Like its not one of those cartoons like Steven universe or she ra or something with a heavy epic story with deep emotional beats its just like goofy looney tunes fun stuff yknow? with some plot thrown in for flair but never gets too serious which is a breath of fresh air honestly, I needed something light. the most you get is one dream sequence moment which is a little more serious but not too much, and just cuz its not super serious and deep doesnt mean its low quality in the slightest the animation is GORGEOUS it looks really great and reminds me of hand drawn animation even though its not Done that way like the game. really smooth, I like it alot.

im sorry this doesnt tell you alot abt like the characters themselves but honestly thats cuz there isnt that much to them? like theres plenty of head canon and aus and stuff you can extrapolate from the text (any and all of which I can absolutely talk abt if u want me to but this is already very long and I dont want to bore/overwhelm you) but the game itself is very light on story. the characters never actually talk and the show has some more characterization but its pretty simple so far especially cuz its only half of the firsts season (12 eps) and you probably got the gist if you've seen what ive reblogged; cupheads the dumb goofy one, mugman is also dumb but more of a straight man to balance his brothers impulsivenesss, that sort of thing. You may have also seen king dice, the casino owner working for the devil, the devil himself, and Ms chalice/legendary chalice, a character who in the games is a ghost that gives you new powers and is gonna be a playable character inn the DLC, and in the show, well, they haven't shown too much of her but she's implied to have got some secrets goin on.

[teruthecreator]

i have so many thoughts about the epilogue so just jgbrbgjhrgbhrjg under the readmore spoilers for if u havent gone through it yet

the whole experience honestly just felt like a warm hug from both the creators and the cast of characters themselves. i haven’t existed in the fandom space for all that long, and i’ve yet to publish any works or generate any content for it, but just playing this through i still felt welcomed and appreciated and loved!! but i also loved how they incorporated So Many fanworks into it!!! from the email icons, to the images they sent, even the links they mentioned (the zine, penny snapcubes playthrough, that spotify playlist). this is one of the few times i’ve seen creators Truly acknowledge and appreciate their fanbase and validate the creations made inspired by the base material. it made the whole experience all the more warm!!! 

also the dialogue still felt very real!! i was nearly screaming bc even though i couldn’t hear the lil noises the characters make when you interacted with them in the game, i still could imagine their sprites and the way their sprites would change based on emotions and it was just!!!! so good!!! obviously they made the game so they’d understand the dialogue of their own characters but like props to em bc this is amazing

GAY PEOPLE REAL AND THAT’S ALL LIKE I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO SAY ABOUT THAT AND YET I WILL ELABORATE BC YUGO AND GABE SAID GAY RIGHTS AND I WILL BE CRYING ABOUT THIS FOR THE NEXT MILLENNIA

 randy and gillis are just sooooooooooooooooooooo good. i will cry. RANDY WROTE A POEM,,,,ABOUT GILLIS,,,,,AND HE DOODLED A BUNCH OF HEARTS AROUND IT,,,,,MY HEART. AND THEN GILLIS ASKING FOR HIM TO READ THE OTHER POEM AND THEN REALIZE HE SENT IT TO THE GROUPCHAT IM SCREAMING. THANK YOU FOR JOCK/NERD REPRESENTATION I OWE YOU MY ASS 

also Lesbians. need i say anymore??? lesbians are Here and Accounted For. LULIA WANTING TO FLIRT BUT SHES SO AWKWARD ABOUT IT SHE SAYS “PLEASE” RIGHT AT THE END.......LOVE YOU QUEEN YOU’RE DOING YOUR BEST AND JERAFINA IS SEEING THAT 

last but not least we got habit and kamal and i Will be crying about this for the next eight hundred forever bc God,,,,,Gay People. 

i feel like the steam cards and habit’s valentine’s tweets sorta give away how their subtle implications are meant to be viewed, but i also really like how their current relationship is sorta open-ended! like they’re in the friend phase now, and in time Will Definitely be a thing. but i also feel like you could interpret it as Currently they’re a couple and they’re just being quiet abt it bc idk anxiety?? who knows. but i really liked how kamal was willing to help habit through everything!!! it’s very sweet!!! tho i really do hope he got some therapy bc he needs therapy God Please They All Do 

honestly my favorite parts of this thing were kamal. i love how he sorta lead the charge in organizing this email list, when in the game he relied on You to get everything together before he sprung into action. i think it proves that kamal’s got more gumption than previously assumed!! whether he gained some confidence after the Habitat, or was just really quiet and non-committal Because of getting tooth-shamed by Habit, it was really nice to see kamal portrayed as not just some anxious bumbling guy. dude’s got some depth!!! i feel like sometimes the fandom boils him down to just his anxiety, but this epilogue really let more of his character out!! like the fact that he plays the CELLO???? HELLO??? SIR??? YOU ARE A LEGEND??? DID YOU KNOW THIS???

also the music Literally made me cry. if it didnt make you cry, listen to it again. gods of composing, i swear! 

lastly, the ending. i really did love how they left you, the player (or the flower kid), the opportunity to just Say Anything. you didn’t have to do it immediately, you weren’t given dialogue options. you got a blank box to write Whatever, and i think that’s really sweet and satisfying and just...good! 

my email was kind of short. i felt weird writing it at first because my personal interpretation of flower kid is (like frisk) theyre their own character?? apart from the player?? but i know that wasn’t limbolane’s intentions, and both creators have said that flower kid can be an audience insert or an actual character based on your interpretation!! i could’ve delved into all the emotional ways in which i feel like this game has moved me during the, like, three months ive been hyperfixated on it. but i didnt! bc i didnt wanna cry anymore hgrbhjrgbh

i did call habit a king tho and i live by that. 

basically tldr; Play Smile For Me and Play The Epilogue bc it’s very good