#they've been on my mind. with another in progress as we speak

[risingsh0t]

SURVIVORS 🔥

template by @unholymilf / toby & ash belong to @jendoe 🤍

[write4cench]

distractions.

summary: central cee and you decided to collaborate together on a track together, but when things get a little too heated your minds drive… elsewhere

pairings: single!central cee x reader

genre: smut.. just smut

word count: 2.6k+ (unedited)

a/n: this is my first smut lmao can't believe i've done this, i mean i couldn’t help it central cee too fine. i’m not the best at it though.. 😁😁🙏🏾

central cee and you both spend your time in his private studio, located in his apartment. it's decently sized but not too spacious, regardless it gets the job done and the both of you manage to produce and record your lines for the track.

you've both wanted to work with one another on a song together and so have your fans, they've been awaiting this for so long that your management team decided it was the best decision.

you stand on inside of the booth looking down at the lyrics sheet that lies in front of you, humming the rhythm before the track plays within your headphones and you begin to sing along over your back vocals.

cench sits in front of you layed back in one of the wheely chairs that sit behind the booth, he watches you sing nodding his head to the rhythm of the song but also impressed by your vocal abilities.

it's the two of you alone in the studio which is quiet unusual considering the fact that during the last studio sessions the studio was filled with friends of central cee who decided to show up.

but instead this time, it's only the two of you. but it feels far from awkward it feels comforting and you both focus on getting the work done.

the song's chorus comes to and end and he stops the instrumental from playing again, upon finishing you glance at him and put a thumbs up asking him if you did good enough of a job, he nods and you do a small celebration that makes him laugh.

he begins to speak but it's too muffled due to the soundproof booth so you take your headphones off and open the door slightly to hear him better, "you did great, we don't even have to run it over again." he admits and you smile.

"you sure, i feel like some of it was a little off." you tell him but he shakes his head in refusal so you decided to leave it since it is his song after all.

"can i hear it over?" you ask him and he nods playing it over again, you put the headphones back onto your head and listen to it carefully.

the song starts off with central cee's wonderful rap that as usual never miss, the song then slips into the chorus that you sing and the beat drop before it sounds perfect.

the booth of you glance at one another in satisfaction at the song so far, sharing a smile as it continues before stopping at the progress so far.

"i think it's great so far." you say with a sigh as you sit behind the booth on one of the wheely chair turning yourself side to side.

"it's more than great." he mumbles.

the room is quiet and you decide to take out your phone, you glance at the time to see it read 10:43pm, it's getting later and you consider leaving within the next 20 minutes.

he finds an interest in the piano in front of the two of you, playing random notes that don't even sound too great together, you watch him finding the sight hilarious he notices so and shrugs embarrassed.

"i'm not too much a piano player," he sighs shaking his head trying to save himself, "i took lessons for a week and gave up on it." he clarifies and you nod your head numerously in a joking manner.

"can you even play any instrument?" you ask him genuinely and he shakes his head, your mouth drops in disbelief.

"maybe it's something i should get into, i don't play anything." he admits before smiling sheepishly.

"i'll show you something."

your hands find a placement onto the keyboard, testing out the position by pressing down on the notes to get the right keys. you begin to play something small and watch how his face turns into full surprise.

you smile as you continue before you get to distracted by him watching you and pause, "i can't focus with you watching me like that." you tell him annoyed and he laughs.

"forget i'm even here." he sighs closing his eyes and leaning back into your seat; you watch him do so frowning.

"how am i supposed to forget your there." you tell him but he doesn't respond so you exhale deeply before continuing to play the piano.

you'd admit, it's been a while since you've last played the piano but you've impressed yourself by still remembering the notes to the piece you play every single time.

you continue to play the piano forgetting he's even there until you come to an end, when you turn to look at him he's still laid back into his seat with his eyes closed, his hood lying over his head.

is he sleeping?

you hit him on the side of his arm and he winces before sitting upright, his hand rushing to soothe where he was attacked, "that fucking hurt." he groans and you smile to yourself.

"were you sleeping whilst i was playing?" you question him and he sighs still whining over the punch you just gave him.

"you didn't need to punch me like that," he starts watching how you only smile, "i wasn't sleeping, i was just resting my eyes innit."

you hum in response and watch how he sits upright in his seat rolling the chair over to stand beside you, he glances over the keys on the piano before speaking. "teach me something." he says.

"what am i supposed to teach you." you question him, he shrugs his shoulders with a yawn not helping you one bit.

"i dunno, maybe a chord or some shit." he utters and you bite your lip in thought of watch chord to do. he watches as your hand runs along the keyboard thinking of a position before it plays a chord.

he watches you carefully and when the pleasing sound rings he glances at you only to find you looking at him already, "did you see that?" you ask him and he shakes his head.

you roll your eyes in response, "what, am i supposed to get it on the first try?" he questions you confused only to see you nod.

you watch as his tattooed hand reaches over attempting to do the same hand movement that you did, but it doesn't succeed to make the correct sound.

"no, your supposed to do it like this." you mumble, your hand reaching over to correct his. you move his hand one down along and place it on top of his getting him to push it down as it sounds the correct chord.

"what chord was that?" he asks you curiously, you glance to look at him and it's only then you both notice how close you are to one another.

"c." you say. upon hearing your response he laughs to himself and you watch him confused, after seeing your confused face he stops laughing.

"it wasn't a c, for central cee." you mumble.

"yeah, definitely."

"you're not that special." you joke to him as you move your hand away from his and he nods gazing at you, it's only when you look up that your eyes meet his.

"mhm."

silence. you don't know what to say to him and you won't lie the way that his voice sounded when he hummed did something to you. you feel your cheeks begin to redden and you mentally curse at yourself.

luckily, the room is tinted dark blue so it's impossible for him to notice a thing; or it could just really be due to your melanated skin.

it's obvious that he notices how he's caught you out of words as a smirk grows upon his face, you watch his lips do so until he brings you out of your thoughts. "i got you quiet, i won." he mumbles.

you remain quiet not saying anything until the space between the two of you becomes smaller, before you could think of anything your lips press against his.

you can feel his smirk widen against your lips wider before he kisses you back, deeper but not too desperate. you don't even notice the fact you've just kissed central cee, your mind is just completely filled with.. desire.

the kiss runs long and you feel his arms wrap around your lower waist bringing you close to him, but the inconvenience of the chairs makes you get up from your chair and sit up on his lap instead.

it's then that everything hits you and you pull apart from his lips, your chest heaves numerously in sync with his and you eyes glance all over his face as you realise what's happening.

his gaze reads something completely different, his once playful eyes have turned dark and hazy showcasing lust instead it makes you ache for more and the position of you siting up on him creates even more need within your lower region.

"fuck." he says and before you know it, he's kissing you again. the kiss is more desperate and you fall into it, he takes the dominance but you try to keep a hold of everything by wrapping your arms around his neck.

you feel him grow harder and harder beneath you just how you grow desperate and desperate, you need him badly just as bad as you need him. you'd never ever think that tonight would turn out the way it did.

your hips subconsciously begin to move slowly against his but he grabs a hold of you stopping you, his lips part away from you and you frown at him, he sees this and smiles.

he kisses your neck and you lean your head back giving him even more space, you don't care that you'll probably end up with hickies all over your neck when you feel him slightly bite you, all you need is him.

"i need you so bad." he mumbles against your neck before pecking your neck all the way up to the side of your face, you look at one another before it hits and you share a smile.

before you know it your up from his lap and your hands occupy themselves into pulling his sweats down, when you see the sight of his harden self through his pants you glance back up at him only to see him covering his face with his hand.

you pull down his boxers and he springs free his member hitting you against your nose catching you aback, you stare at him for a moment but a moment too long and he peers down at you.

"don't just stare at it." he groans and you smile, you lick the tip of his cock and the pleasing sensation sends a moan to leave his lips. you tease him, your tounge running around the tip where he's most sensitive and he moans.

he grows to desperate and before you know it his hand comes up to your head, he finds a comfort in your hair before he pushes your head down his shaft slowly.

you breathe through your nose as you take in his size before growing used to it and beginning to pump your head slowly down his shaft continuously causing him to groan quietly.

he uses your head to help him reach his high, pumping you slowly down him but also muttering how good you are occasionally. you feel your eyes begin to water slightly but luckily you don't have to much of a gag reflex.

"fuck, you're so good." he groans as he watches you take him, his hand helping to move your hair away from your face, he closes his eyes tightly as he approaches his orgasm.

his moans become shorter and more intense and it's then you can tell that he's about to release any minute. perfect. you pull away from him and he looks down at you confused.

you watch as he glares at you annoyed, "what the fuck was that for?" he asks you but you don't say anything rubbing your mouth clean with the back of your hand.

his eyes don't leave you once, reading nothing but pissed at the interruption of his orgasm, he watches you as you take off your trousers and pants; his cock twitching ever so slightly as it pleads for your attention.

"you think i'd let you cum first?" you ask him and he furrows his brows in complete denial.

you approach him as you kick away your lower clothes that pool around your feet, glaring at him "fuck me then." you tell him, he watches you with his mouth agape never expecting to see you turn into a completely different person.

you lean against the producing equipment waiting for him expectantly, but when you feel his presence behind you and his hands hold your ass you let out a moan.

he slaps your ass, making you gasp at the sudden pain before he rubs your cheek to soothe it. he pulls out a condom from the inside of his pocket and you turn around to glance at him at the sound of it opening.

"you had that on you all along?" you ask him and he grins taking it out before pulling it over his cock.

"knew i'd need it." and with that he pushes himself into you slowly without warning making your mouth agape.

he waits for a moment until he's all the way in you before he starts to move, thrust in and out of you each time causing you to moan.

your bodies are in sync as he fucks you getting turned on by the sight of you bent before him as he fucks you senseless. he gradually becomes more faster and his thrusts become stronger.

"shit." you moan although your words sound all messed up due to the rocking back and forth you experience from his thrusts.

your hands hold onto the bumpy toggles in front of you trying to find something to hold onto as you take each thrust that runs through you. you're floating in ecstasy and it all feels too good.

he moans many things under his breath that you can't pick up on too busy by being engulfed in the intense pleasure you experience as you gradually approach your high.

you feel his hand reach over underneath you, rubbing your sensitive clit whilst he takes you; the feeling of him inside you, but his hand rubbing on your sensitive bud makes it all eventually unbareable.

your moans become louder and more desperate as you feel your high approaching; once again his hand slaps your ass earning another loud gasp from you.

your hair is held up my his hand and it's obvious your makeup is probably fucked up by now, but at this point that doesn't even matter to you anymore. everything just feels too good.

you reach your orgasm and pant vigorously, he notices this and pulls out of you rubbing himself with his hand as he releases himself inside of his condom.

you rest your head on the equipment in front of you as you both catch your breath, it's only then that you feel your legs become to grow all achy and weak.

"shit, my legs." you laugh to yourself as you wobble; he notices this and laughs tying the condom and obviously throwing it into the bin.

"good luck." he jokes and you roll your eyes.

"i need to shower." you complain feeling all sticky as usual after sex, he hums in agreement.

"i'll shower with you." he smiles.

you attempt to push him away but due to your growing weak legs you fail, instead complaining about how sore they are. seems like central cee has won in keeping you quiet.

"so are we gonna work on the track again?"

"probably not for now."

[deaddovedecadence]

Title: Puppies

Warning(s): manipulation, yandere shit, yelling

Summery: after a fight with bruce, duke brings you a gift (but not is all that is seems to be)

Bruce is a dick when he’s angry, but he never yells and that’s the worst part. He takes, takes everything that you are and makes you feel so small, and sometimes you think that this is what Jason run, because if he had to deal with this when he was young then why wouldn’t he.

You’ve curled up in your bathroom, the room door that locks, and you’ve rested yourself against it, not thinking about how you’re breaking another rules because there are so many rules and you always seem to fuck up even on the days that you're trying to be good. There is not good enough for them, there is nothing you can do to get your freedom because they are all faster, stronger, smarter then you are. They've done a millions times and you've never been held hostage and been told that it's for love.

this is nopt love, this is possession and you do not want possession. Does freedom even exist for you, made something that you didn't used to be by them, because of them.

"Hey," there's a voice from outside the door, pulling you away from the spiral that you've sunken into. You don't respond to the voice even though you know that it's just Duke, Duke the only person not to raise his hands againt you, never cruel, always patient, always kind. It was with him that you meant to go on a outing with but now, you don't want to leave this bathroom, because at least it is safe in the bathroom.

There's a soft rapping sound and Duke sighs, "I heard that Bruce lost his mind, huh? That probably really sucked." He's making an understatement and you both know it but Duke is gentle anyways, (a predator) coaxing you out of your hiding spot. "Tell me what happened and I'll give you a surprise." he says, and Duke's surprises are always good so you start.

"I didn't know that bruce didn't know about our outing," you whisper, "i was waiting on the front step and he saw and he lost it. Duke, am I really nothing without you?" There's a hissed out sigh from Duke, "You know that Bruce gets anxious about us, right? Specially you an Jase cause you're new and Jase is fresh home. He didn't mean to." You know that and yet, it's not enough right now. "I told you what happened," you snap, "so give me my surprise now."

Your (not a) brother laughs, "only if you unlock the door and come out.” You unlock the door, slowly opening it. It’s duke and he’s holding something, well two something’s actually. He’s holding what look like twin Rottie puppies and they’re so cute. “I thought you’d like to have someone besides me and Jase. You take one of them and coo and it. “Whats their name?” You mumble, holding the puppy tight across your chest. “I thought it might be funny to name them Shadow and sunshine. I’d take shadow, she’s a girl, and you could have sunshine, he’s a boy .” You croon and Sunshine with his black fur and bright blue eyes. “They’re perfect. thank you duke.”

Duke smiles, “and because they are puppies, we get to go to training together so more outings.” You grin at him, crooning at the say that sunshine yawns. “Can he sleep here?” You murmur, and Duke nods.

“Thank you Duke,”

“Welcome Sunshine.”

-

Bruce is getting some work done with his son storms into his office, eyes glowing in way that they only do when he’s angry. “What’s wrong?” he says, and Duke hisses, that sound more animal then anything a normal human could make.

“You really had to fuck up all my progress with them? I got sunshine to the point of not wanting to escape and you nearly ruined all that because you’re scared.” Bruce stands, staring at duke. “I did not know,” he snaps, “I did not know and I didn’t mean to.”

His son laughs, the sound cold. “I know that but that doesn’t mean you ruin all my fuckin progress with Sushine cause you a paranoid motherfucker.” Some of Duke’s gotham is slipping into his accent as he speaks, never yelling but obvious furious. There’s a knock on the door, and Dick slips in, looking at the two of them before sighing, “just go spar it out and you’ll feel better.” Duke slips out of the room, tiling his head in a way that means follow so bruce follows.

Author’s note: Duke is such a scary yandere to me bc this man really be bending you in ways that you can’t even notice. Yes the dog was a plot to get you to stay with them and not run. Duke genuinely does not care what he has to do to protect his family and I think that he’s so real for that /j

[paranormal-peri]

Hey! Just wondering how’s the chapter progress going! Also how’s school atleast for me the first quarter is almost finished and so many tests and projects 😭 very fun and stressful 😀

Anyways just checking up on u :)

Paranormal Peri: Chapter 12 SNEAK PEEK!

Knock Knock

"Wanda? Cosmo? Are you there?"

Hazel waited at her neighbor's door for an answer.

She's been trying her best to not interrupt their search. They've been so worried about finding Peri.

"H-Hazel?! Oh! Uh, yeah we are here! Did you need something?"

Wanda spoke through the door.

"I was just wondering how you guys were doing, did you find Peri?"

"Uh, hold on, just give us a second… Where did I put my wand…? OH!"

Sounds of tripping. Something crashed down.

“Oh! Wanda, my wife! Are you ok?! Don’t worry, I’m coming over there!”

“Cosmo, wait! No!”

More sounds of tripping. There was a louder crash.

"What's going on?! Hello?"

Hazel opens the door.

A few miscellaneous papers escape out to Hazel's feet as the door opens.

Hazel is astonished to see the huge mess before her. The room was highly cluttered with stacks of custom papers printed with the word "Missing" that varied in heights. Most were taller than Hazel, which made it hard to see the edges of the room. It was like walking through the tall grass of a safari. Hazel tried to walk through the mess at the door, to search for her fairies in the jungle of disorganization, only to reveal how much deeper the clutter went.

A trashcan in the corner was overflowing with crumbled scrap papers of failed drawings and ideas. The center of the floor was entirely decorated with a chaotic spiderweb pattern of red string and pins that connected photos, files, and sticky notes that laid on top of eachother. It was a web of possible leads that must have started on the wall, but had extended to the floor for more need of space. Speaking of space, even the ceiling was messy; There were hoops of red string that swooped down like party decorations that connected one pinned paper to the next on the ceiling above.

Being careful to not step on anything important, Hazel worked her way through the limited small spots of empty space; she was lucky to have small feet for this. Behind the barely-recognizable couch, she found her fairies.

Wanda and Cosmo on the floor dizzy from the trip. Two previously tall stacks of papers now lay scattered below and on top of the pair

"Whoa, what happened here?"

"Ah! Watch your step!"

"Oop-!"

Hazel quickly redirects her footing.

Hazel reaches down and picks up the paper she had almost stepped on.

It was a hand-written poster with an old photo taped over a failed drawing of their son.

Hazel read the paper in her head. The poster had large bolded red words that read "MISSING: PERIWINKLE FAIRYWINKLE COSMA"

Below the title was a long description that turned into a writing expressing their sorrow and love and pleading for their beloved son's return. The hand-written poster's writing fades into smaller and smaller text at the end to fit in many more words; they had so much to say. It was bittersweet how much they deeply cared about their missing son.

They were equally heartbroken.

"Wow, you guys have been busy."

"Haha, what do you mean? We're cool, we're fine, yeah yeah, totally calm and chill"

"Yeah yeah, we're uhh… what’s it called…? Straight vibing! Very chill!"

Wanda and Cosmo tried to mask their dread, but their eyebags and state of their house did nothing to reflect that.

Another pile of paper falls over in the silence for comedic effect.

It's not just the house that's a mess.

"You still haven't found Peri?"

"Nou..."

The couple breaks in a squeak with big wet eyes

"We haven't gotten a wink of sleep, how can we?!"

"We don't know what we are missing. We've been calling everyone we can in Fairy World all night and we still can't find any leads!"

"Hmm… maybe you guys should get some fresh air, that always helps me clear my mind!"

"You're right Hazel, we should get some good wind blowing in here, that will get our minds spinning right!"

Wanda remarked. She grabbed onto her wand previously lost under the couch, and poofed to the nearest lightswitch and flicked on the fan without thinking.

The fan began to spin. They all noticed the deep mistake made.

Not only did papers begin to fly and scatter around the room, but the fan suddenly caught onto some of the red string that hooped down on the ceiling. The red string quickly became tangled in the fan as it kept spinning faster. Pins that previously held down string and paper at points went flying to different parts of the room, Hazel ducked down to avoid the crossfire.

Wanda flicked off the fan to prevent further damage, but it was too late; the entire line of connected clues soon all became undone and scattered with the spin of the fan.

"Oh dear."

Hazel poked her head out from the sea of scattered paper that filled the room.

Cosmo did the same, but his face was covered in pins.

"Oh Cosmo, are you hurt?"

Wanda swam over.

"No… except for my heart."

The couple wept in each other's arms.

"Are we never going to find our little Poofie?"

—————

I love writing these adorable idiots sm.

We aren’t gonna get much Peri in this chapter, but we are going to get very important scenes with the other characters as we see them beginning to solve the case of their dear missing Peri.

Also… we will see how Irep is tied into this complex storyline. Things will continue to get deeper.

[date-a-jew-suggestions]

looked at the notes for the post you reblogged "A brief History of Mizrahi Jews in Arabic countries and Their expulsion" and was a little sickened by all the comments saying "see this is why we need Israel cause you fuckers are forgetting Jewish history." genuine question because it's something i grapple with myself every day as a jew. but how can we convince others in our community that our suffering is not the Most Special, the Most Noble, that our suffering does not give us the right to exact the same thing on another population of people? I feel like talking to other jews sometimes, both online and offline, they genuinely don't understand that other people can experience hardship, and they say things that make me think they've grown up being taught we're the only people in the whole world who have ever suffered?? sorry if this got a little rambly i just... needed to get my thoughts out ig

Sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a while, but you brought up an interesting point. I think it’s a problem within most marginalized communities. Because of the hardships we have faced, sometimes we are overly defensive of our in-group, and we dismiss, downplay, or even excuse injustices happening to other communities. Like for example, think how many times you’ve seen white gay people talk over people of color because they seem to think that homophobia is the “truest” form of oppression, and that talking about racism “distracts from the real problems.”

Jews are not exempt from falling victim to this mentality. Jews are just people, and people can be wrong, or cruel, or immoral. In every community there are going to be bad people, and people who are willing to look the other way. It’s a fact of life.

However, I do not believe that the burden is on you to “fix” the Jewish community. Obviously it’s good to try to bring people over where you can, but you are never going to convince every Jew to be ideologically perfect. There will always be people in every community who say or do bad things. You should not feel guilty about this, because you are only responsible for your own actions. Do not internalize the idea that Jews are a monolith, you are not responsible for the actions of other Jews.

As Jews we should be proud that our community has a long tradition of activism and standing up to injustice, and we are often at the forefront of social progress. That is an intrinsic value of our teachings, whether or not each individual Jew abides by that. And many, many Jews around the world ARE speaking up about the atrocities committed by the Israeli government. Many are also having their hearts and minds changed because of how much publicity there’s been around Palestine recently, and how a lot of previous misinformation about Israel is being challenged.

I hope this made sense and wasn’t too rambly, but basically just. Don’t put the weight of other people’s actions on your own shoulders

[reikunrei]

Shadows, Saving, and Simulations

A while back, I made a post (that I can no longer find) about some random bits of a couple episodes of Doctor Who that gave me some Stranger Things vibes with the intent of seeing if my inkling was warranted. Well, I finally watched the episodes again.

They are season 4, episodes 8 and 9, "Silence in the Library" and "Forest of the Dead."

The monster of these episodes are called the Vashta Nerada. We never actually see them, but they take the shape of shadows/exist as swarms within the darkness. They were the main reason why I initially thought of these episodes because of their being possible inspiration for the Shadow in Stranger Things, because while the Shadow/Mind Flayer is presented as one (mostly) singular, tangible being, the hive mind aspect of it/the UD is very similar to how the Vashta Nerada operate and communicate amongst each other to hunt.

There are even several characters who become "puppets" of the Vashta Nerada. Though while the don't actually go into the victims, the language is similar in that the Doctor says they become "infected" by the Vashta Nerada. They'll even attach themselves to a victim before consuming them to keep them "fresh" and to infect others. These victims wind up having two shadows: one benign and one infected.

The Vashta Nerada can strip flesh from bone in a fraction of a second, so the victims are dead in an instant and the swarm inhabits the suit they're wearing and manipulates that into moving. It starts off clunky and slow, but as the episode progresses, they get better at moving the suits to keep up with the others.

We even get a fun "strangling the person who's trying to help" moment. Hi, Joyce!

We're also introduced to a concept called "Data Ghosting." The members of the expedition party, the ones in the white suits, are each equipped with a communication device which, upon death of the wearer, hangs on to a copy of their consciousness anywhere from a few seconds to several hours afterward. These "ghosts" can continue to speak to the living until they deteriorate, often repeating a final word or phrase as their consciousness officially leaves.

At one point, the Doctor tries speaking to the Vashta Nerada, encouraging them to use the the lingering "data ghost" of one of the victims to manipulate their speech into telling the Doctor what they want. This occurs later as well when another victim is infected. Though, as the Doctor said earlier, "they're learning."

Anita, a member of the expedition, ultimately finds she has a second shadow, and in an attempt to trick the Vashta Nerada into believing they've already gotten inside her suit, they tint the visor. However, this proves futile, but nobody notices that she's been killed for a good long while, and she even continues talking, keeping pace as they run, and carrying herself like a normal person until the Doctor makes it clear he spotted that she's back down to one shadow.

I had completely forgotten about the "Data Ghosting" aspect of these episodes, so while I went into it thinking "ah, yes, a living shadow that puppets dead people in an attempt to kill others" was a pretty fun little similarity to the Mind Flayer, I didn't expect to then have "the shadow is trying to mimic the infected person in order to cause more damage."

Obviously, this isn't exactly like what's happening with, say, the flayed victims in ST who are still themselves but heightened to a certain degree rather than being wholly replaced (ie. Billy being angrier than usual). However, it specifically makes me think of this theory by @aemiron-main that, for example, "Henry" isn't Henry in TFS, and perhaps certain characters have been replaced with shapeshifters or doppelganger-type monsters. The Vashta Nerada are even feeding off of the remaining "data ghosts" in order to communicate, much like how a doppelganger would have to feed off of/consume their victim in order to pass as that person.

Now, with all that out of the way, let's get to the fun bit: NINA parallels.

These episodes take place on a planet-sized library which was constructed for the consciousness of a little girl to live in for eternity. The little girl, Charlotte, was dying of an incurable disease, so her grandfather created The Library for her to enjoy every book ever written, meanwhile also giving her an imaginary world to exist in as a "real girl," which leads her to believe that The Library is her imagination rather than the reverse reality.

However, as the Doctor, his companion Donna, and the expedition team fall under threat of the Vashta Nerada, Charlotte's psychologist, Dr. Moon, reveals to her the truth.

Yes, he even calls them nightmares!! Just like Henry calls his visions in TFS!!

Throughout the episode, we see Charlotte in her imaginary "real world" interacting with the library.

When the Doctor and Donna first "meet" her, what they actually come across is a hovering, sphere-shaped security camera that shuts off when Charlotte opens her eyes in her "real world." Then, when the Doctor tries to turn the security camera back on using his Sonic Screwdriver (a multi-purpose tool he carries with him), we see Charlotte reacting to the sound it emits/feeling the Doctor forcing the security camera back on, but her father and Dr. Moon don't hear the sound at all.

There are several other instances where Charlotte will hear something that's caused by commotion in the library, but her father in the "real world" can't hear it. At one point, the expedition team are trying to crack into the security protocols for the library in an attempt to find a way out/figure out what's going on, but they hit a wall and trigger an alarm. The alarm manifests as a phone ringing in Charlotte's living room, but when she asks her dad if he's going to pick it up, he says the phone isn't ringing.

Then, in an attempt to break through the security protocols even further, the Doctor winds up transmitting himself onto her TV and they speak briefly to each other. At this point, the Doctor & Co. have yet to know what Charlotte's relation is to the library, but she recognizes him as the man she saw "in my library." Before the Doctor can question her on that, the connection is lost.

Throughout the rest of the episode, we then see Charlotte "watching" what's happening in the library on her TV. She's basically watching the Doctor Who episodes within the Doctor Who episodes, and when she flips through channels, she switches to new scenes/shots. They even have a musical score that is very clearly coming from her TV. Her dad is unaware of this as well, and when she makes comments about the library being "on TV now," he chuckles and reminds her that the library is in her imagination.

Obviously, a lot of this reminded me of El talking to Brenner when she's in NINA in ST4, as well as the several times the grandfather clock chimes in TFS despite its otherwise glaring absence throughout the whole show. There's even that one moment before the attic sequence with Patty where Henry gets interrupted by the clock chime, but Patty doesn't seem to react to it at all, she only reacts to Henry reacting.

Not to mention the Vecna visions in ST4 and seeing/hearing the grandfather clock/other aspects of the vision when no one else can, El's running in and out of the Rainbow Room/shouting eliciting little to no reaction from the other kids, and Henry's weird half-real/half-not visions throughout all of TFS.

Let's talk more about Charlotte's "real world."

At the end of the first episode, Donna, while being transported to the TARDIS to be kept safe, gets mysteriously grabbed "by" the library. While Charlotte is watching The Library on her TV, she flips to a channel that is not in the library. We see Donna pulled out of an ambulance on a gurney and taken inside a care facility, where we then see Dr. Moon enter her room. However, she doesn't know who he is or where she is until he "reminds" her.

Peep the two years...

He gently feeds her information that gets her to believe one "reality" over another. And while it's not exactly the same, it reminded me very much of Brenner urging El to "remember" in order to proceed through NINA, and it reminded me of all the times Henry or other characters pushed the "it's a dream/nightmare" sentiment in order to change the outcome of something.

Throughout the rest of their interactions, Dr. Moon says "and then you remembered" and "and then you forgot" very frequently. His motives may seem wishy-washy at this point, since he was telling Charlotte that the "real world" is just her imagination, but here he is telling Donna that the "real world" is real and her memories of the Doctor are just "dreams." From what I can gather, it's mostly just to keep Charlotte/the simulation stable.

In these moments when Dr. Moon "reminds" Donna of what she remembered/forgot, she often will then behave like Dr. Moon has just arrived, greeting him again and seeming surprised, like she forgot he was there/like they hadn't just had a conversation with each other.

The way time progresses within this world really stuck out to me. It's played off like Donna has memory issues, but in reality, whenever something is suggested to her/she thinks of doing something else/going somewhere, it simply... happens. For example, in that scene with Dr. Moon asking her about her "dreams," when he suggests they go for a walk, they're simply suddenly outside taking a walk. She asks him how they got outside, because, from her point of view, there was just a snap transition from her room to outside. He talks her through how they walked out of the building and she laughs it off like she simply forgot again.

This phenomenon is finally explained to her by another character who was in The Library with her, Miss Evangelista, who's sentient of the fact that this "real world" is all a simulation.

Miss Evangelista was the first victim of the Vashta Nerada. She hides her face in a black veil because she was copied into the simulation when she died, resulting in her getting scrambled physically and mentally. In the library, she was a pretty ditz, but in the simulation, she's a photo-booth-swirl-filter-looking genius.

And like... do I even need to say it?

At this point, I guess I should just out and say what's really going on here. Charlotte, full name Charlotte Abigail Lux, or CAL, is the hard drive for The Library.

Her consciousness was essentially made into the computer that runs the whole planet, and 100 years prior to the Doctor and Donna arriving, the Vashta Nerada hatched, alerting the security system that the library was under attack, and in an attempt to rescue the 4,022 people who were physically in The Library that day, the library tried to transport them all out of harm's way. However, with nowhere to send them, CAL saved all of the people to the hard drive in this imaginary "real world."

They spend a lot of time equating this imagined "real world" to a dream. Alongside Dr. Moon initially telling Charlotte that her visions of The Library are "nightmares," the Doctor, attempting to wake up the computer to save the data core before it self-destructs (Charlotte had a meltdown of sorts once Miss Evangelista made Donna realize that her world, her husband, her children, are all just a figment of her imagination/an idealized world/a dream. While overwhelmed, she deleted her dad and Dr. Moon by pressing buttons on her TV remote, and this resulted in The Library going into self-destruct mode. This was also partially because Dr. Moon is a personification of the computer's "doctor moon," a fake moon placed into The Library to act as a virus checker) equates its state to that of someone who's dreaming, and that's when the "child hooked up to a mainframe" situation is revealed, because she is dreaming.

Which leads me into my next detail of import in these episodes: names and identity.

As we've already explored, Charlotte's true identity/purpose remained a mystery for most of the run time. We're aware that she has some sort of influence on/ownership over The Library, and in that early scene with Dr. Moon we're told that her "imagination"/"nightmares" (read: The Library) are the real world. However, it's not until well into the second episode that we're officially told that Charlotte is CAL, and only once they understand that fact are they able to figure out what to do to save the library and everyone inside of it.

We're also introduced to the (future) recurring character River Song. From the first moment we meet her, we're aware that she knows the Doctor. However, the Doctor makes it clear that he doesn't know her. Ultimately, we learn that this is the first time he's ever met her, and it's the last time she's ever going to see him. Because of this, she has years of experience with him to make her trust him unequivocally, but he is very distrustful of her, seeing as she's a total stranger to him.

However, there is one thing she says to him, something that she whispers in his ear so no one, not even the audience, can hear what she says. And that one whisper has him instantly putting all of his trust in her. And what did she say?

Spoilers: later in the show, River and the Doctor get married. That's why she knows his true name, not just his "Doctor" moniker.

Obviously, all of this name and identity stuff has me staring at the Henry slash Vecna slash One nonsense, the existence of Edward Creel, and the general "which character actually is this" of the whole kit and caboodle.

In a similar vein, we get multiple instances of language like this from River:

And while this is clearly just a "you're not the man I know yet" type of sentiment, which is something she specifies, there was no way I could ignore the implications of that kind of dialogue being put into ST. Especially in regard to this post made by James @henrysglock and the general idea that the same person can exist simultaneously/interact with themselves/be both themselves and "someone else." This also happens a lot in DW, and different iterations of the Doctor will meet each other occasionally, and each Doctor is different enough from the other + any later regeneration's additional life experience will allow them to help in different ways.

Just something about the "future you" being the "real you" because that's the "most accurate" you, and all the "past" yous are half-baked, incomplete, and not quite you just yet.

Actually, before I continue, in a similar vein to James's post I linked above, I should explain that we even get a moment of the future Doctor helping the past (present) Doctor within these two episodes.

In order to save all of the people in the hard drive, they need to "restore" them. However, CAL, overwhelmed, doesn't have enough memory in order for it to work smoothly. The Doctor suggests he hook himself up to the mainframe in order to assist, but River offers herself up instead, saying that it'll kill him if he does it and she can't let that happen. Ultimately, she knocks him out, handcuffs him away from her, and takes his place, killing herself in order to restore all of the people in the hard drive.

Earlier in the episodes, we learn that River also has a Sonic Screwdriver, that fancy multi-tool I mentioned a while back. However, that's not something the Doctor just gives away to people. Just before he and Donna are to leave the library, he sets the screwdriver atop her diary, which he was planning to leave in the library along with all of the other books. But then... it clicks.

Why would he give her his Sonic Screwdriver? Why would he do that, knowing he (his future self) would never see her again after this?

He cracks the device open only to see a piece of hardware exactly like the communication device that enabled the "data ghosts" from earlier. He's able to rush back to the hard drive, Sonic in hand (he does have to go fast, she's dwindling), and deposits her into the mainframe for her to exist in the imagined reality of Charlotte with her friends who had been killed by the Vashta Nerada.

His future self, knowing she was going to die on this trip to The Library, planned ahead, knowing his past self would be smart enough to figure it out and save her.

Anyway, where was I? Cripes, this post is all over the place!!

Stranger Things, at the present moment, is a bit of a mess in terms of identity and who's-who. We're told one thing, but when you peel back the layers, you find about a dozen other deviating routes that point in an entirely different direction. As I mentioned earlier, we even get extra characters like Edward Creel, who add another entirely new series of layers to help further muddy the waters.

Blame is something central to the story of Stranger Things. Specifically, where it is wrongly placed.

It was already apparent to me (as to most people) that one of the keys to "beating Vecna" in the end will have to be figuring out who he really is. Given that they think they know his identity, and yet they still managed to not beat him, is clear evidence that they don't have the full picture yet. And, much like how the Doctor wasn't able to figure out how to save The Library until he knew who and what CAL was, our gaggle of teenagers and errant adults won't be able to save Vecna until they know who and what he is.

However, my big takeaway after watching these Doctor Who episodes was... is anything in NINA even real at all?

I personally think that it has to come from some kind of truth, and, at least in the case of El in NINA, I think some of those moments really are her memories. With TFS, I'm a little more willing to look at it and go "yeah all of this is entirely a simulation." Given how many facts are misaligned with on-film canon, the insistent way we're told "Henry" is Henry by Henry (and other characters).

And the number of times Henry says, "This isn't real." Sure, those were in moments of distress when he was experiencing effects of the Shadow, but it still makes me go... okay, "Henry," if that even is your real name... how much of this isn't real?

Donna, once faced with the reality of her world being a simulation/dream, finds herself hard-pressed to keep up the image of it. She starts becoming more aware of the weird way in which time passes, she realizes that every other child in the world is an exact copy of her own, and she finds it difficult to reassure her children of their existence when they confess that they feel like they're not real sometimes. And, after they tell her this, they vanish into thin air.

This, obviously, is where things diverge in terms of how this applies to ST. Obviously, the point of NINA was for El to be aware of the fact that they're memories and to collect them again in order to get her powers back/find the source of her strength. But that leads me again into: if she doesn't remember them, how does she know that they're her own? This has been talked about extensively by folks like Em and James, so I won't touch on it more than that, but I think it's a likely possibility that has to be considered going into ST5.

This is a bit easier to apply to "Henry" in TFS. While I agree that some of it has to be taken from reality in order to construct the world he's in, as I said prior, the inconsistencies and timelines not matching up (again, spoken about a lot by James and Em, especially stuff like the newspaper dates being wrong) makes it stink of something especially wrong.

In these Doctor Who episodes, all of the people that exist in that world are, in fact, also real people! I think the only exception are the children, as they were fully fabricated by Donna's "settle down and start a family" dream. At the end of the second episode, she even goes searching through library records to see if the man she "married" was one of the 4,022 people who'd been saved.

However, in the end, he was real. We see him trying to call out to her as she walks away with the Doctor, but he gets teleported out of the library before he can get her attention.

Not only did this remind me of idea that Patty might not be real, but it sort of put me further in the camp of "Patty in TFS isn't real, but Patty is a real person." Like, I genuinely don't think that she's a fully fabricated being, but rather she's taken from some other reality and molded to fit the current situation.

Which also reminds me of, in these Doctor Who episodes, there are statues throughout The Library which offer information to guests, and they have real human faces on them. Donna talks to one early on in the first episode and it gives some spiel about how it "chose" a face she would "like" from their data bank. The Doctor says it's "like donating an organ." This idea has been talked about irt Patty in TFS being so similar to Henry in terms of likes and desires (they're both comic/superhero nerds and they both want to get away from their abusive households) (I know either Em or James have posted about that but I cannot for the life of me find the posts lol). Not to mention that Patty winds up filling a sort of maternal role for Henry, who is without a proper maternal figure in his life, which Em talks about in posts like this one irt Patty also looking for a paternal figure in her life/rebelling against the one she has.

So, they're both looking for something specific of these relationships, and, at least from Henry's side, he gets given someone who shares his interests and experiences and is willing to give him love and affection when the "proper" person isn't willing to (even if it does go awry in the end, but, y'know).

I got a bit sidetracked there, but looping back to what I said just a little ways above about the purpose of El's NINA simulation being to be aware of the fact that they're memories and try to follow them "the right way"... it's, again, interesting to me that the only time we see "Henry" insisting something isn't real is when he's in a "bad vision," and it makes me wonder what would have happened if he'd been able to question reality outside of that as well. Other characters tell him it's a dream/nightmare/not real (whether that's actually Patty or a friend in disguise, like James suggests in one of the posts of his I linked earlier, is to be confirmed) and that helps to snap him out of it/ground himself... but what if we got more of that? Would all of it fall apart? Much like how, once Charlotte became fully aware of what was going on and the "reality" was questioned, she sent the library into self-destruct?

And looping back again to the "Patty isn't real" stuff and Em's doppelganger theory, if Henry was allowed to question himself, would we potentially learn that "Henry" really isn't Henry? Like Donna said, he "could have had a different name out [there]."

Okay I... think I need to stop myself from going any further, so here's some closing thoughts!!

In short, none of these ideas are new. James and Em have spoken extensively about NINA/TFS being fake, or interspersed with lies at the very least; they've spoken about there being missing information/scenes during/prior to the 1979 HNL massacre; and aaaall that other stuff I already linked. Stav @heroesbyler was also the first to talk about Brenner's Doctor/Time Lord coding, which is something I also talk more about in this post.

Ultimately, the fact that there were so many things that jumped out at me in these DW episodes that aligned with ideas presented not only in these theories about ST, but within ST itself, makes me think that those theories really aren't far off the mark.

And while none of this gave me any answers, it reinforced a lot of questions (and added some new ones) that make me eager to see how everything culminates in this upcoming final season.

What's real and what isn't? Who's real and who isn't? Which are memories and which are fabrications? Whose memories/dreams belong to themselves and which ones belong to someone else? Are they twisted/swapped to get a specific outcome someone else wants? Is anything idealized to make it more alluring? Who can we actually trust throughout this whole damn series?

[pillarsalt]

Wikipedia anon here, i feel SO embarrassed for misremembering so much about that article. the concept of the cotton cieling and the reminder of the sheer amount of institutions/resources that have been taken over by tims/tras makes me so upset i didn't want to recheck the article again, even though i should have. (it was some time ago i saw the rb of your comic and did my first check, then saw your comic again and remembered about doing so, to clarify. yes i'm an absolute mess i apologize)

i appreciate you so much for not only getting what i was trying (and failing lmao) to explain but also looking into and linking the talk page because JFC!!! so sharing differing opinions for a topic (with cited sources!!) on wikipedia is a no-no, but it's totally fine when you and your friends retroactively decide pro-topic views make you look bad and so you delete the entire article and rewrite the definition of said topic to be about generically "being left out of spaces :.-(" instead of being honest about it being homophobic, rapist rhetoric (which is the reason you're trying to hide it in the first place) hoooooooly SHIT

if genderism ever blows over (with how long it's stuck around for, and with no one being willing to talk about objective/legal concerns like the WPATH files and Maya Forestater, let alone even have a conversation with a GC person, at this point i'm not hopeful...) everyone who contributed to the widescale abuse and trauma of women (especially lesbians), girls, gay men, gnc people, and tip (medicalized or not) could spend the rest of their lives begging for forgiveness and it wouldn't be anywhere near enough. not that i'm expecting them to do that, of course. it's not even blown over yet and we can see from the cotton ceiling article that they'll absolutely try to just gaslight everyone and pretend it never happened (and if it did, it wasn't that bad, and if it was bad it was your fault for not doing your research, etc etc)

ANYWAY i'd rather end on something positive, so thank you again for sharing your wonderful art on here!! seeing there's a talented, feminist female artist who's into pokemon and mlp but hasn't bought into trans ideology is so healing for me. hope you have a lovely day!!! :) :) :)

I wouldn't be embarrassed, I mean the article's not completely empty but it's obviously been stripped down to next to nothing compared to what it used to contain, and half the cited sources aren't really relevant at all. They briefly mention the MTF porn actor who coined the term but failed to mention the scores of other popular MTFs who were vehement proponents of the rhetoric (Riley J Dennis is the first one that comes to mind). And yeah that dude in the discussion page saying he's going to be watching the page and reverting any edits he doesn't like, isn't that very wikipedia illegal? I don't edit wikipedia but I'm fairly certain that camping on an article to make sure your edits aren't edited is not allowed.

It's definitely been a trend with "progressives" to flip the script on anything they've done and can see was wrong in retrospect, claiming "no actually YOU said this, not me." It's a very good reason to keep things documented, and I have huge respect for people who keep the receipts so we can hold people accountable for the harmful bullshit they've spread around. (Speaking of which, I think now is a good time to remind everyone that Eli Erlick is a rapist, another interesting fact that has been unsuccessfully scrubbed from the internet.)

Thanks for your wonderful words as well :) Have a great day too!

[katarikitten]

The head honcho is here! Chief makes his appearance! And a very different one compared to the Twins.

General Information/Equipment Information

Height: 6'5"

Rank: Captain

Specialties: Strategic planning, leading, and most oddly, piloting

Other Information:

The only Firehose variant able to speak verbally

He's got a slight English accent hiding under all the raspy airiness in his voice

He's a beach man, no mechanical bits and pieces are going to stop him from swimming

He has horrible dad jokes ready to share at any given moment

--------------------

Chief does not seem to use any combating equipment other than what the others hand to him, whether it be a fire ax or something else

He carries standard fire fighting equipment

Chief is not very verbal to newcomers at first and will speak in whatever language the Firehose variants speak in, but once he warms up to you then you'll hear him speak properly

.

.

.

.

.

.

Log 1, (11, 24, 1995):

"Alright. Is this thing on? Good."

There is a brief pause and someone can be heard taking a loud breath close to the recording device.

"This is... log one, which is something I'm going to start to keep track of [REDACTED]'s progress in his new body. Well, it's still his body, just some new additions and an entirely new head."

Another quick pause.

"I hate that they, we, had to do it to him. But it was for his own good, and for his team's good. Even if he's been telling us to just end him already, keeps saying that he had already died and that he had not intend to come back to keep helping, keeps saying that his time is already up and that he should be with his team now. But his team is dead, and they have been for a while. Except for two of them aside from him."

"The moment we brought up that two of his colleagues were okay he wanted to see them, see if what we were saying was true. The man can't even leave the bed on his own, can barely even sit up on his own on bay days. The fire really did a number on his body. Heck, it wasn't even the fire that did it directly!"

"He should be dead, we get that, and I'm probably going to keep repeating that frequently in these logs to keep reminding myself and whoever 's next in line to care for the cunt. But that's not what matters to some of the high ups, the high rank doctors and what not. No. What matters to them is that their procedure worked. They brought not one, but three, dead firefighters back from death and gave them new heads and then transferred nearly all of their memories and what not to a device that connected to their new heads before they were taken off anesthesia. And out of all the things to stick on a pipe and shove on their spine, they chose fire nozzles, fire hoses, whatever. These men aren't much of men anymore. At least not to me. Not in a dehumanizing way or anything but its weird walking in to check on [REDACTED] and I see a bronze fire nozzle looking right at me! Doesn't help that they have eyes either, creeps me out a bit when [REDACTED] stares too long."

A slow, almost saddened sigh comes from the person recording the audio.

"It's so hard to think about what they went through to even be here, they should be dead, letting their families and loved ones grieve them in open caskets, but they're not. Legally speaking, I think they've been announced dead, as well as seventeen other firefighters that lost their lives in the South Canyon Fire in July this year. But those other seventeen are truly dead, had their funerals and everything. These three had a closed casket funeral and their empty caskets were set in the ground alongside all the others, graves marked and everything."

"I don't think my mind is ever going to let go of how messed up and unethical it is. They worked on a man's dead corpse without his family's consent to anything. And this man was a firefighter! Working his ass off to protect us! And the head honchos let these things blow right over their heads!"

The person recording the audio can be heard standing up from what is presumably a chair before the sound of heels pacing can be heard in the background. This goes on for nearly a minute before the person reapproaches the recording device and seats themself again.

"They keep saying that they want to make a new generation of protectors. Robotic humans that can do better than we can, cyborgs at most. Robots that will fight our wars for us and heal our people for us, do all the things we can for us, better than us. And unfortunately, these three men were the unlucky souls that were first pick."

There is a pause that lasts approximately half a minute before the person continues.

"I think I'm going to end it here, I feel like I've just been rambling when this was supposed to be informational. This is Doctor Lorelai, ending the first log on the new program."

- End of log

--------------------

Sidenote: I was definitely inspired by Polaroid and his backstory (belongs to striderl, oops I'm too much of a wuss to actually ping them) by the end of coming up with/drawing Chief. He was just supposed to be an older Firehose variant with some slightly depressing backstory but I just took a darker, sadder turn on Chief's end once I had a few angsty moments to myself. (asks questions if you dare *steeples fingers* /j) (seriously tho, I am more than willing to spew lore if someone asks the right question)

Edit: Finally added scars to Chief's skin, gave my best interpretation of "dragged down a mountainside by a landslide"

[pebblysand]

le beurre, l'argent du beurre, et le cul de la crémière

i had no idea i was going to wake up this morning and today would be the day i finally open my big mouth about this, but here we are. in case you haven't been following, there has been a diversity "protest" against AO3 as of late, following racist comments made by one of their directors against chinese users, which has led to yet another broader conversation about diversity on AO3.

this conversation has been going on for years. i'm not going to go through it all again - if you're curious, you can google it. and to clarify, i am not making this post to prove that racism exists and that lack of diversity (either through conscious or unconscious bias) is an issue in our society at large, and on AO3 in particular. i think we all have pretty much established this fact and if you're one of those people who believe in "alternative facts", i sadly cannot do anything for you.

what i will however say, looking at this post and at the comments underneath (it seems to be a mixed bag, in terms of reactions, some positive and some negative), is that i believe a lot of people who use the internet daily do not seem to understand how it functions. because, is the post partly bullshit? yes, of course. the response they drafted actually offers no new solutions. if you've been following AO3's board meetings for the past year, as well as their regular comms (which i have, and which i know most people do not), you already know about most of these "actions". this is a "response" without an actual "response". they're just reminding people of the steps they've taken in the past, and the steps they're currently taking, to remedy their diversity problem. they are telling you: we are trying.

and, truth be told, they are. they've tried to hire diversity consultants, implemented policies designed to reduce hate in comment sections, etc. this is progress. but, i understand that this is progress that is very unsatisfying for a lot of people, given this is a pretty major issue. hence, the protest. i agree.

however, the problem i have with this protest (and with the negative comments under this post), is that people seem to be holding AO3 to a standard that is completely unachievable given their "business model". trust me, there is a lot to criticise about AO3's board (and, i'm the first to criticise them) but you cannot decently expect them to remedy this diversity problem (and all their other issues) without accepting a thing that is despicable and yet totally essential to function in our society ... money.

if you've been spending any time at all on tumblr lately, you probably have seen all those people (mostly millennials) going on about how Money Ruins Everything. to a certain extent, that is true. i also agree. the older i get, the more of a raging socialist i become. and, in terms of AO3, it means that every time the question of monetisation (beyond their current donation drives) is brought up, most people go up in arms about how AO3 is an archive, not a social media site, how money would ruin people's hobbies, how some gen z writers are misguided and "harming" AO3 by putting up links to their ko-fis, etc. i am not going to tag these people because i don't want to start yet another conversation about this but if you have been on tumblr lately, i trust that you have seen these points being brought up. the consensus seems to be that generally speaking, people do not wish AO3 to become a "business". this is reinforced by the fact that AO3 itself wishes to remain a small non-profit.

the issue with this is that the idea that you could hold AO3 to high diversity standards while arguing in the same breath that it should only be funded by three donation drives a year is insane. diversity requires a lot of things: a willingness to have an open mind, a willingness to better things, etc. sure, but mostly? it requires MONEY. and, if you look at the standard for websites and internet platforms with comparable traffic, AO3 has no money.

they have - currently - about a million USD in the bank (IIRC, from what i saw from their 2021 public accounts, i believe). which, sure, they are managing very poorly (but that's a different discussion), but even if they were the best investors of all time, that is nothing by tech standards. that buys you, like, three engineers in SF. whereas, they require: a board, admin staff, legal, eng, trust and safety [1], translators, and So Much More. and they cannot hire these people, because They Don't Have Money. so, they run on volunteers (with all the issues this creates, in terms of lack of consistency, attrition, etc. which makes it very hard for them to implement any long-term vision). and, you know who can afford to volunteer ten hours a week to be a tag-wrangler for peanuts?

privileged white women from western countries.

now, of course, there are exceptions. feel free to come into my mentions telling me that you are a POC who has three jobs and two kids and still finds time to translate AO3's comms to yaoundé - to which i say, good for you. but, let's be honest, you are not the majority.

the issue with this debate is that we are looking at diversity (and the lack thereof) as a purely racial problem, whereas it is incredibly multifaceted. diversity is access. diversity is unconscious bias. diversity is power. diversity is money. and, divorcing the issue from one of its most important ramifications, which is financial, is doing a disservice to a) POCs and b) AO3. so much of the criticism that is currently being made at AO3 can be answered by: "because they have no money." for example, just looking at the comments below this post:

you said two years ago that you'd hire a diversity consultant, this hasn't been done yet, why? because they have no money.

why isn't the board moving to a more standard Trust & Safety organization, with an enforceable, shorter TOS, a Code of Conduct, and a separate user guide? because they have no money.

it is wild to me that so many people expect this website to remain free to access, never monetise, and remain this sweet little archive, while still expecting this much from it. AO3 isn't a tech company. AO3 doesn't want to be a tech company. and, generally, it seems that most of you don't want AO3 to be a tech company. that comes at a cost that people need to understand.

and, for the record, whilst we're at it, yes, AO3 could monetise. other fanfiction websites have done it. this situation is a choice. they could run ads. they could have a membership-based subscription with perks associated. they could have writers monetise and take a cut [2]. it is a risk, but it could be a calculated risk. there are a number of things they could consider and/or combine, and yes, ethical monetisation can be a thing. for proof: tumblr and @staff and @photomatt are trying to achieve it, right now. if you don't believe me, i advise you to listen to this podcast episode where matt mullenweg explains their strategy (and troubles). (which btw, tumblr, please hire me, i work in tech and i make great coffee 😆). it is not always easy. it requires ethics and sacrifices. and, in the case of AO3, i think this might be a conversation to be had with the community as a whole, because there will be trade-offs, and this might be something people at large, might not want.

we could say that, as a community, we are okay with "meh" performances on the diversity front, as long as AO3 remains free of corporate engagement. that is a very fair opinion. what isn't, is refusing to understand that in the world we live in, there are trade-offs that we need to account for, depending on the business models we choose for the things we love.

now, of course, i acknowledge money doesn't solve everything. money doesn't solve the discriminatory comments made by that board member. it doesn't solve unconscious bias. it doesn't solve issues of access to the tools you would need to become a volunteer, even. but, it is a pretty big factor, both in hiring, and in maintaining diversity standards.

and so yes, if AO3 is so bad at diversity, it's also because they don't have money. refusing to acknowledge that is like we say in france: wanting the butter, the money from the butter, and the cream-seller's butt. or, in english: wanting to have your cake and eat it too.

---

[1] "trust and safety" is the tech term for people who generally do content review and enforcement, including of policies around offensive content

[2] yes, i know, "monetising fanfiction is illegal". except: no, not really, it's a very complicated legal issue and it's more of a grey area than you think.

[a-tale-of-legends]

Live

Summary: Xerneas told him Lysandre was not, in fact, dead. He was in a state of limbo. Not dead. Not alive. A husk, if you will. She told him he would bring him back, if he wishes.

Note: This is not canon!!!! I still need to decide on how I want them handle Lysandre's end in my au right now, but this popped into my mind. TW: For an attempt at body horror.

~~~~

Dante sent a silent prayer to anyone that would listen. He had no idea why he was doing this. He had no idea why Xerneas told him. Fear had shaked his body as he tugs his hood over his head once more, wanting to make sure his identity was sealed. He stared down at the giant hole within Geosenge town. He hates looking at it. It makes him sick. And yet he plans to go down there.

Only Sycamore knows.

Dante didn't know what he was expecting, when he told him. He wasn't even sure why. His uncle was always an expressive man, even in his sadness. When Dante told him, his face was unreadable. Utterly, unreadable.

' Are you sure?' was all he asked. Dante could barely muster a 'yes'. He must have opened an old wound, he must have. He must have dashed any progress that Sycamore was doing to finally heal past everything. Why did he tell him? Why is he doing this? He doesn't know.

Dante feels sick.

He goes down the hole.

Xerneas gets out of her ball once he touches the rumble ground. It still surprised him how complacent she is with that. Goddess of life restricted to a ball. Yet she seems fine with it. He doesn't understand that. Maybe it's his ego talking.

" ….How are you okay with this?" He whispers, his voice hoarse, his stomach doing flips, " You said there were rules. Life and Death. You can't just bring someone back to life, right?"

Xerneas is silent for a bit, more focused on getting a way further down the hole to the Team Flare base. Dante thinks maybe they should have gone the other way. Easier. Less eyes. A logical decision. He's not thinking straight.

"I said," Xerneas speaks finally. Well. Speak in his head. He's pretty sure he's the only one that can hear her. He hopes so, anyway. Her voice always had a little echo, " That Lysandre isn't dead. But he is not alive either. Our combined efforts lead to some our energy radiating off of us to him. He is not alive. But he is not dead. He can be pulled into either direction,".

She created another hole, something that they both can go down to investigate the remains of the HQ.

" And besides. We both know the rules have been broken before, no?"

AZ and Floette.

" …Yeah," Dante murmurs, getting on Xerneas back. She jumps down, and the two navigate their way through the remains of this horrid, horrid place.

Eventually, they find themselves in a familiar hall. It's near unwalkable, the rubble having destroyed almost everything. But this doesn't phase Xerneas. No, she makes her way through, one hoof and a time.

Dante still feels sick. It's nauseating to be here. Walls are all broken and yet he still feels like they're closing in. He hates it. Why is he here.

" Do you hate him?" He whispers, leaning on the back of Xerneas' neck. Xerneas hums, which echos in his head. It's soothing, like a chime bell.

"I have lived a long life, Dante," she says, " Lysandre is not the only one. Nor do I think he would be the last. Needless death is something I am much averse to…but I would be lying if I said I wasn't numb to it,"

" However" she adds, sternly, " He did not just hurt me. He hurt my friends. That I can be certain with my hatred"

Dante stays silent, contemplating Xerneas' words. He….does not know how to feel about Lysandre. He does not allow himself to think about it. He has a good thing going on right now. He made up with his friends, made a new friend in Emma, and his parents are proud of him. They've always been, but that's not the point. Jude and him are…. something. But it's better than before. Even if some of that bitterness lingers. But he has tried not to think about Lysandre. Because he has it good now. So why bother thinking about the past?

….he knows that's faulty thinking. He knows he has thinking about Lysandre, even if he doesn't allow it. He knows that it hurts thinking about him. It hurts so bad.

Why is he here?

" He's right here. Behind this rubble," Xerneas speaks, taking him out of his thoughts. Her eyes turn back to him, " You will not like what you are about to see. Are you sure you want to do this?"

He feels sick

" I want to do this"

It takes a moment for Xerneas to remove the rubble safely. Dante offered to send out his Meowstic, but Xerneas countered with him focusing on mentally preparing. She is fine with the labor.

No amount of mental preparation would prepare Dante for what he saw.

Lysandre is still, facing up towards the ceiling, he stares up,blue eyes piercing. Angry. Sad. Guilt. But that's not what Dante focused on. No it's the dried blood that covers him head to toe. It's how his skin simultaneously seems to rot, yet is still in such a presten state, in such perfect uncanny valley. His bones are cracked, limbs bent, his skin charred. And yet. And yet he is still the splitting image of the man that Dante used to know. Still in a state as if nothing happened. It doesn't make sense. He's mangled, yet still put together. He looks so dead, yet so alive. Is this what it means to be a husk? Is this the power of legendaries? Of him?

Dante turns around, covering his mouth. It takes all of his will to bring the vomit down. His body is shaking, sweat dripping off his chin. His eyes begin to water as he shakes his head.

" I can't do this," he croaks, the iron of the dried blood finally coming to Dante's senses. A shutter crawls down his spine, his feels is skin itching, " I can't do this,I can't- breath-"

" Dante," Xerneas soothing voice echoes in his head, " Deerling, it's okay. I'm right here," he feels her nudge her snout to his face, an attempt to ground him. He lifts his hand, and with shaky hands, pets Xerneas snout.

" C-can you hum for me?" he sniffs.

" Of course," Xerneas replies, and soon a familiar hum echoes in his mind. After taking a few deep breaths, combined with Xerneas' presence and humming helping him ground himself, he felt himself calm down a bit more.

It did not take away from the fact that behind him was Lysandre's husk body.

" We can leave, you know," Xerneas offers, seeing her Chosen more calm.

Dante gulps, wiping his face from sweat.

Why is he here? Why is he doing this? He could just go home, and let things be, so why-

" No," Dante says, his voice surprisingly stern, " I….I need closure,"

Closure. The word makes Dante's blood boil. Lysandre never apologized to him. Never apologized to Sycamore. Never faced the wrath of the world for what he has done.

Xerneas does not speak for a while, but eventually nods her head, " Very well. Come,"

The two move in sync, Xerneas still close to Dante, and Dante touching her neck. They both stare at Lysandre's husk.

" What do I do," Dante says determinedly. Angrily.

" Touch his chest. I will help you pull him to life".

It still sickens him, looking at Lysandre. It sickened him more as he carefully touched his flesh, hearing a soft squish beneath his fingers. Every part of him wants to run away and tear his skin off. But he persists.

"Close your eyes," Xerneas instructs, " Clear your mind. And your emotions. Anger will make it worse,"

Dante bites his tongue at that. Of course, she would have read him like a book.

"...I'll try," Dante sighs. He closes his eyes, clearing his mind, his emotions, and begrudgingly, his anger. He waits for Xerneas instructions once more.

" It will not be pleasant," was all she says.

Before he can question her words, he feels it. He feels life and death within the husk. Can feel it crawling and nagging, gnawing at his conscious, his being, right through his fingertips. It's revolting. Utterly, miserably, revolting.

" It's okay," Xerneas echoes in his mind once more, " I'm right here. Keep going,"

Dante swallows, pushing past the utter disgust he feels, and continues to focus.

" Focus on his life. Bring it out. Make it spread,"

Dante follows Xerneas' introductions, finding the life within Lysandre, and drawing it out. It's no better than death, no less nauseating. But he pulls, and he pulls, and he makes is spread throughout the husk. He feels a warmth hit his face, and as his eyes slowly open, he sees it.

Lysandre's chest, where his arm is, is covered with light vines, all of which have a slight rainbow hue, akin to Xerneas herself. The vines spread across his body, coiling and clingy onto him, until they cover Lysandre completely.

" Wha-"

" Just wait,"

The vines glow- pulsate really- as it cocoons Lysandre. It continues to do so for a minute, until the light becomes too bright. Blinding, even.

" Dante," Xerneas calls, " Bring him back,"

With his hands still on Lysandre's chest, Dante feels the power comes into his own. No longer does life feel nauseating and disgusting as it did before. Now it was smooth, light, easy to control as it slipped through his finger. He feels lighter as well,calmer. He swears he sees some flora start to grow around him. But he doesn't focus on that. He focused on the husk in front of him.

" Live, Lysandre," Dante whispers, his own voice echoing " Live and reap what you sow,"

The light vines disappear,revealing Lysandre's body, back as it was before. The blood was still there, of course, but everything else was…fixed, to say the least. Blazing blue eyes still stared up at the ceiling. He does not move. He does not speak.

And then he gasps for air. Wide eyes stare at Dante. Bewilderment. Shock. Fear.

Good.

~~~~

They take the route they should have taken out. It's logical. Simple. Much less time consuming. Lysandre passed out immediately after being pulled to life. Disappointing, but Dante didn't expect much anyway. He simply plopped him on Xerneas' back and went on his way.

Dante revels in the fresh air reaching his lungs, taking a good deep breath.

" You did good," Xerneas compliments. Dante gives her a shy smile.

" Thank you," Before he could say anything else, Xerneas' attention shifted forward. Confused, Dante looks in the direction she is and - ah.

He only told Sycamore.

Augustine Sycamore waits on the path before them, his back turned. He must have gotten here sometime after they did. Why was he here? Dante doesn't know.

Sycamore turns around to see the two of the them, and his body seems to relax, his eyes shine with relief. His eyes shift to Lysandre, pathetically dangling on Xerneas' back.

Sycamore's face become completely and utterly unreadable. Dante wishes Lysandre could see it.

" Come," Sycamore starts, " Let's get you home,"

Dante smiles.

" Yes".

[zydrateacademy]

First Impressions - Once Human

So what we have here is an open-world survival-crafter that shares its bones more with the likes of Ark and Fallout 76 than it does Division, which was sort of the impression I got from most gameplay clips whom apparently like cutting out all the tree-chopping and rock-mining. But here we are.

I get Division vibes in the town by town gameplay but once you warp back to your custom built base, it becomes another new age Minecraft clone in a hurry while you smelt ingots and craft ammo. They've even tossed in some kind of minipet/Palworld type function which I admittedly have not engaged with to any severe degree beyond letting some paper airplane fly out of my backpack to do supplemental damage for me.

So quite frankly there's a bit of an identity crisis here, a game that's going for a wide appeal but instead taking the blandest element of each in order to hit a live service market. There's of course a shop here but I haven't seen so much as "pay to win" as "pay for cosmetics and some various currencies that help increase dungeon loot pools. Not so much a "pay to skip progress" as "pay to lighten the grind".

The story isn't much to talk about on its own. The usual eastern RPG fare of giant monsters spreading corruption and ended the world as we knew it. I am not sure if it's because of bad writing or translations but not much is really made very clear, I'm not even sure if we're in some pocket dimension, parallel realm, or if this is a full blown post-apocalypse. I'm going to be honest, my mind checked out of the story pretty quickly and I think the Devs did to. I can handle our protagonist having no voice, but when you click some basic four word response during a quest and it cuts to our character pantomiming some reaction it really breaks the reality of how people speaking to each other work. Through almost no prompting every NPC seems to recognize our PC as a "Mayfly", which we're apparently one of the last of. It all just feels so awkward and clunky when we step into town to say four words and have a short story spun at us which ends up amounting to a quest: "Active 5 pylons in this zone, then defeat the big boss".

So where's the merit, here? Honestly, the gameplay loop remains satisfying. If you're a veteran of Ark, Conan, FO76 and that general open world builder type of genre, then you will already understand the basic, fundamental flow of the game. After that, it's really just a matter of prioritizing your schematic tree and figuring out what that beeping noise from your backpack means, and I've never had a question gone unanswered from the world chat.

I can't explain it but it's so viscerally satisfying to continually upgrade from one tier to the next. You fumble with copper weaponry and bullets for a few hours but when you move your base zone by zone, moderately near resource nodes, the upgrades can come flying in. You can move your base for free (with a ten minute cooldown) so you can have your stronghold move from zone to zone as you progress through tiers, which has been very satisfying. In other games of this genre you usually have to dismantle you're entire base and rebuild from scratch.

I do wish this game leaned heavier into its Division feel. Some of the most fun I have in this game is exploring each township, dotted with enemies and moderately hidden gear crates. There's even Souls game-like messages left from other players (the identity crisis pops up yet again) which can help you find the more fickle of hidden chests. Strewn about the world are minor items to be easily disassembled later, which reminds me of my time on Dying Light and Division, grabbing electronics and wire which feed into schematics and crafting later. It's a loop I don't hate, I just typically don't enjoy returning to base and being forced to semi-AFK while hundreds of ingots smelt over the course of twenty minutes.

It's one thing that this genre in recent years doesn't understand. The only reason I bought into Conan Exiles was because it let me customize my experience. Whether on a single player server or with various mods and addons to give me more decor, armor, and weapons. I miss being able to tweak the harvest value to cut down the wasted time of watching my PC chop trees. Over. And over. And over again. Yet the call of cash is too tempting over making an actually comfortable experience.

The monster design is interesting, except ten hours in I already tire of the same zombies shuffling around every street. Every so often you run into a properly unique enemy, like a giant with balloons that you need to shoot as they light up or a floating woman with an umbrella for a head. In fact there's a lot of "head is just some object actually" in terms of design. The game's mascot is this walking bus with arms in its undercarriage but that just seems to be an environmental thing that walks along the path, that's far too easy to just drive by and ignore.

This is a lot of negative for what might eventually be a thumbs up. So what does this game do better than others of its ilk?

I can't say. I am still yet drawn to the game over time that I might eventually have a solid 50 to 100 hours dumped into, but I'm not sure it will hold me as Conan Exiles did or shake me off as Fallout 76 did. I got ~1800 hours on Conan because logging in never felt like a chore. Meanwhile FO76 and other games it's always: Do these tasks/dailies or you'll miss out on a special currency to buy special items, cosmetics, or actual game-fixing features like being able to recharge your fusion cores. Time till tell if Once Human walks this road, but for now I am still enjoying the general gameplay loop and tier progression.

[greencrocs]

Why did Mike Act like That this Season?

“That’s because she’s my girlfriend, Will.” "And us?" "We're friends! We're friends." "We used to be best friends."

Recently I've been thinking about this exchange. Both the words themselves and the delivery of the words are so intentional. Keep in mind that these words survived numerous rounds of editing. As merely a novice writer myself I can attest to the meticulous attention paid to nearly every line of dialogue in my work. Any writer, whether for the screen or for the stage or for the page, would agree that dialogue is probably the best aspect of fiction to inject subtext into. The Stranger Things writers most certainly agree, and I believe they've done just that here.

The writing is not the only thing of note about this exchange. Observe Finn and Noah's delivery:

The intonation on specific words turns the exchange into something more like this:

“That’s because she’s my girlfriend, Will.” "And us?" "We're friends! We're friends." "We used to be best friends."

The words, coupled with the delivery, raise so many questions for me. Why the emphasis on "We're friends"? Why the emphasis on best friends? Most subtly, however:

1. Will, Why Did You Say That?

Why does Will ask Mike about the nature of their relationship, especially after Mike points out that El is his girlfriend?

Several people have commented on how Will comes across as almost flirty when he says to Mike, "Not possible." at the end of season three.

While I disagree with the sentiment, I certainly see how it appears to be flirty. Personally I think it's how earnest Will comes across. I read the scene as Will and Mike's reconciliation after their fight in the summer. Mike extends the olive branch loaded with subtext, "What if you want to join another party?", which really means I know I was horrible to you when all you wanted to do was play D&D in the summer, have I ruined things irreparably between us? and Will graciously accepts this olive branch with a palm likewise caked in subtext, "Not possible." which really means I don't want to ever lose you, we're okay now. Essentially, in this scene Mike and Will shake hands and agree Let's be best friends again. After all, D&D is primarily a symbol of The Party's friendship before it's a symbol of anything else.

Speaking of the end of season three, it's important to take note of where the characters were emotionally at the end of the last season when analysing their behaviour when they are introduced this season. In fiction, the first introduction to a character is critical for relaying vital information to the audience/reader about who the character is.

At the end of season three, Max was grieving Billy's death. It makes sense that in her introduction in season four, she is emotionally distant from Lucas and the rest of the party as it is later revealed that she is coping negatively with his death. Her emotional state at the beginning of this season is the natural progression of her emotional state at the end of the last season.

In Will's first introduction in season four, El claims he has been acting 'weird' and assumes he has a crush on a girl, for whom he has been making a painting.

Something important I would like to point out is that El is... not the most perceptive about how her family truly feels. She accepts Joyce's claim that she loves the 'freedom' her job offers her, but Joyce's actions in the montage prove otherwise, that she is frustrated by the individuals she has to deal with on the job.

She assumes Jonathan has been acting weird because he's hoping for an acceptance letter from Emerson, when he's really just been high out of his mind.

It's clear then that El's words in her letter to Mike are not to be trusted. Joyce doesn't really love her job, Jonathan isn't really nervous about being accepted into Emerson and, of course, Will isn't crushing on a girl. But does Mike realize this?

2. Mike, Why Did You Say That?

Why does Mike repeat himself, emphasizing his words on the second utterance? Had he simply said We're friends once, his dialogue would have had a completely different meaning. It would have come across as exasperated, like the first line, as in Come on, Will, seriously? even if he had said it with the exact intonation he did the first time. But then he goes ahead and says it again, this time with emphasis on the fact that they're friends. Who is he trying to convince? Will? Or, perhaps, himself?

When he greets Will at the airport, Mike is not acting the way he logically should considering his and Will's last moment together at the end of season three. In that scene, he's smiling fondly at Will and looking up at him through his eyelashes. In the reunion scene, he's dodging Will's hug to awkwardly bro-tap him on the back.

What happened between Mike-smiling-fondly-through-his-eyelashes-at-Will and Mike-giving-Will-the-no-homo-back-slap to cause this huge change? Two things, mainly: The Byers moving away, and El's letter.

The focus on Mike shows that Hopper's words apply doubly to him. The words match Mike's words to Will this season, when he says, "I feel like maybe I was worrying too much about El... and, I don't know, maybe I feel like I lost you." Ironically, Mike feels like Will has been pulling away from him while he's the one who has been pulling away from Will. As Will says in season four, Mike barely called in the one hundred and eighty-five days they were apart, and he didn't send Will a single letter.

Afterwards, Hopper's words once again reflect Mike's inner turmoil. He wants to stop the change between him and Will, to make things go back to how they were, likely before he discovered his feelings for Will. This is the thought process that drives Mike's actions toward Will at the beginning of season four.

El's letter influenced another change in Mike. Mike tries to be nonchalant as he asks the question, but you can clearly see that he's not nearly as carefree about the painting as he wants to come off. Many people have theorized that Mike believes the painting is for a girl Will likes, as El told him in her letter. I completely agree. I think this is another factor for why Mike acts the way he does in this scene. He believes his feelings for Will are not returned, so he pours more of himself into playing the role of a doting boyfriend with El.

We've spoken a lot about Mike projecting his feelings for Will onto El for years in this corner of the fandom, without much solid evidence, but I think this moment is the prime example of this. There is a focus on Mike's apprehension about the painting, after hearing from El that it's for a girl. There is a focus on Mike's over-the-top displays of affection: the flowers which he most certainly did not hand-pick, his claim that he wants 'today to be all about us'. Mike's affection toward El comes across as a literal performance. Argyle hints at this when he makes the meta comment, "It's just a cheap knock-off", that is to say: Mike's doting boyfriend act is just that — an act, a phony, a cheap knock-off.

3. What Happened to You? You Used to be Best Friends.

As established, at the end of season three Will believes he and Mike have fully reconciled and are best friends again. Despite Mike barely speaking to him since he moved away, he's still ecstatic to see his best friend again at the airport.

So he's immensely disappointed when Mike brushes him off only to lavish El with attention.

Will doesn't expect Mike to like him back, but he absolutely does not expect him to completely ignore his existence after they seemingly reconciled and were back to being best friends again before he moved. So when they have their argument at Rink-o-Mania and Will has an avenue to bring up what's been bothering him, he does exactly that.

Will doesn't have the near-omniscient view the audience does; he doesn't have a clue about Mike's own inner turmoil, so he doesn't understand what changed between October and March for Mike to start treating him this way. So when Mike says that El has so many letters from him because she's his girlfriend, Will logically has to wonder And what about us? I thought we were best friends again.

I think most people understand that Mike's behaviour in the reunion scene was incredibly bizarre. What I want to point out is how this was not bad writing, as Tiktok fiends have been insisting, but the natural progression of Mike's arc from where we left him at the end of season three. In episode five, with El out of the picture, Mike is suddenly sweet and vulnerable with Will again, proposing that they become a team, best friends, to face off against the incoming danger together.

Mike and Will are at completely different points on their journeys to accepting their sexualities. Whereas Will has likely accepted how he feels and is simply scared to lose people because of it, Mike is still clinging to his relationship with El, still stuck in denial. Although, from the looks of things, I think he'll be moving past that stage and towards acceptance come Volume Two next Friday.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

band-aids (vin jin x reader)

details: soft angst-y oneshot, gender neutral reader but written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and vin jin are dating

warning: brief mention of violence concerning bullying towards reader

summary: you talk to vin jin about how he dealt with people who have been picking on you.

×

There was a heavy silence in the room. Much, much too heavy. It felt like it was choking you, and you wondered if Vin Jin felt the same.

You looked up from the bandaids you were smoothing out on his knuckles to see he was too deep in his own thoughts to notice the atmosphere. He was glaring at the floor off to the side where you were both seated.

Sighing softly, you gave his hand a small squeeze to get his attention. "Are you trying to burn a hole into the ground with your eyes?"

He didn't reply. He just turned his head to stare at the ground on the other side.

"Vin--"

"You should've let me kill them."

The complete seriousness in his tone disrupted your thoughts of anything you had wanted to say. That tense silence that hung in the air since you started patching Vin Jin up came settling back down. You were feeling suffocated again, and you weren't sure of the right words to say to clear the air.

"Why did you stop me?"

Your lover's question prompted you to speak once more, and this time you managed, "Because I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Aren't you mad, too?"

You let out a huff, sounding more irritated than you meant to. "Of course I am, but you can't always act the way you want. Even if it's justified. Especially if it'll get you in trouble."

Vin Jin finally looked up from the floor to you and his gaze instantly softened. He gulped before muttering something but you couldn't hear it.

"What'd you say?"

He cleared his throat, his voice still coming out small. "I said I'm sorry."

It was such an unsual sight. This look of quiet somberness didn't belong on your loud, rowdy boyfriend. You began to feel guilty you ever sounded angry with him and just pulled him into a hug.

There was a sound of surprise from him, but he quickly accepted the hug. "Does this mean you forgive me...?"

"Yes. But I wasn't even that angry at you. I'm sorry if it sounded like it."

Vin Jin hummed. "S'okay, I guess. I know you were just worried. You were... probably scared I would repeat history."

Memories of running away from the countryside with him and Mary came flooding back in your mind at his words. Your hands began to shake a little and your throat tightened. It was as if those feelings from then had returned. You ended up just burying your face in Vin Jin's chest.

He soothingly ran a hand up and down your back in response, speaking softly, "I just lost it when I saw one of them hit you. Knowing everything else they've done up until that point and seeing it myself, I couldn't control my anger. But... I'll try to be more careful. I mean it. I won't do what I did back then again, for you and Mary's sake."

"It's okay, I understand. Thank you, though." You turned your head and continued to rest the side of it on Vin Jin's chest.

He nodded and then muttered, "I can't believe they decided to bully you when you're completely innocent."

You narrowed your brows. "Vin... I mean this nicely, but you do realize how hypocritical you sound, right?"

What you got in reply was the silent treatment. Which was understandable, honestly. He eventually replied with, "I know. I did what they did, too, but at least I don't anymore. So let me just play hero for once, will ya?"

"...Alright." He really had been trying to better himself ever since he started dating you; it'd be awful if you were to reset his progress by reminding him of the kind of person he was trying to not be anymore.

Another long silence fell--being less suffocating, of course.

"Man, I hate being moody like this." The breaking of the moment of peace made you pull back, but not enough to leave each other's embrace. You gave Vin Jin a raised brow. "Let's stop being sad or whatever. We talked it out, right? That's enough sentimentality to last me a week."

You just blinked at him before laughing a little. He was always quick to move from situations like this, as he had never been good at dealing with emotions. Sometimes it bothered you, but you knew he had good intentions. He just wanted to see you smile, and that was how he expressed his comfort for you during hard times.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I'm just agreeing with you," you chirped, "Anyways, we should buy some stuff to make for dinner. How about noodles of some kind? You're good with that, right?"

His nose scrunched in suspicion but he didn't question you. "Huh? I mean, sure. I bet Mary would appreciate having dinner made for her when she comes home from her school chores."

Oh, right... Mary got in trouble for knocking out one of the bullies the other day but was punished for "unprovoked school violence."

After you confessed your situation about getting bullied to your boyfriend and best friend, Vin Jin was more than ready to get revenge but Mary stopped him to say she'll deal with the situation.

"At least I won't kill them," she said, "I'll just beat their asses enough to scare them because talking barely works for bullies." Well, she succeeded at the cost of getting punished. Mostly. At least your bullies also faced punishment after the terrible things they had done came into light.

It was just unfortunate one of the bullies decided to pick on you one last time and that's when Vin Jin walked onto the scene. You were sure you'd be left alone completely after whatever your boyfriend did to them.

You shook your head at the flashback and replied with a simple, "Yup." You hopped up from your seat and held a hand out for Vin Jin to take. He grabbed it with an amused smile and your hands stayed together as you both began heading out of the house.

"Hey, by the way."

"Yes, Vin?"

"The way you told that fucker to bug off was hella cool. The whole, 'Be glad I'm letting you leave alive because I actually want you dead, I just don't want my handsome boyfriend to get another murder charge,' thing."

Your face warmed up a little in embarrassment while you burst into laughter. "I did not say any of that."

"I'm paraphrasing!" He grinned while you continued to laugh.

[caspercryptid]

firstly, ive read about 80% of your drabbles by now and they've all been delightful; you balance humour and drama incredibly well. the squallet fic especially...man. man. look at me getting emotional over a squallet.

second of all, could you write about LoL jayvik meeting at that party from their bios? i've never actually seen anyone write it, which is a shame, because i want to see their first impressions of each other so badly.

Thank you for this, this was So Much Fucking Fun. Okay! I think I've got the lore right, but I didn't do EXTENSIVE research so if anything's a little to the left, forgive me. Here we go!

____ Jayce always found the progress day parties inspiring, in that they inspired him to new heights of homicidal intent.

At no other time of the year has Jayce been so close to sacrificing everything he’d worked for in the name of a nice cushy cell in stillwater. He has to keep reminding himself, through a gritted teeth smile, that while it isn’t illegal to be vapid and uninteresting, it is, in fact, illegal to stab people with a salad fork for being vapid and uninteresting. And while that was deeply unfair, there wasn’t really much he could do about it.

He can barely hear himself anymore, after about the twentieth conversation with the exact same script- oh, are you the giopara boy? Very impressive for your age, it was really generous of them to have extended you this opportunity, You must be so grateful. Jayce is not, in fact, grateful, because he earned this, earned it with blood sweat tears, smarts and sheer unadulterated stubbornness, and he’d needed it, and so he’d gotten it. He wasn’t a charity case.

He’s nearly on the point of voicing that himself, when he hears it behind him, and thinks for half a second that someone’s read his mind and decided to start spilling his secrets, but no, that accent is distinctive, and more than a little pissed off, and Jayce turns around.

“–And I’m not particularly inclined to stand here and listen to you attempt to dismiss my achievements to attributing all of them to my benefactors.”

The boy– man, whatever, teenager, he’s about Jayce’s age. Is speaking with what’s pretty distinctively a Zaunite accent. His hair is a wild tangle he clearly hasn’t gone through much effort to maintain, which Jayce respects already. He feels like a fucking wind-up brass soldier in his suit, like there’s a dial in his back.

“I only meant–” the cornered politician is a little red in the face, and Jayce recognizes him as the same man who’d given him a speech about how proud he must have been to be accepted by clan Giopara. Like Clan Giopara had been his only choice, even.

“It doesn’t matter what you meant.” The Zaunite cuts him off. “What matters is what you’re saying, which is the same thing a hundred other people in here have said, and I’m not going to tolerate it. My achievements speak for themselves. Go try your chitchat on someone else.”

He turns around, and that’s when Jayce spots the cane, mentally adding that to the profile he’s already drawing up in his head.

And then the Zaunite looks up and cocks a single imperious eyebrow.

“And what exactly are you smiling at?” He challenges, and ah. Right. Jayce is staring. He’s not supposed to do that.

“You.” He says, stupidly. Oh goddamn it. Thankfully the other man doesn’t mock him or seem particularly perturbed, just raises an eyebrow higher. Jayce shakes himself, closes the gap to extend a hand. “Jayce Giopara.” He says.

“Viktor.” the Zaunite says, shaking his hand. “Just Viktor.”

“I figured.” Jayce says, and then winces a little when Viktor scowls at him, clearly winding up another speech.

“I’m just familiar with all the new house apprenta my age.” Jayce explains, quickly. “They were my competition.”

“Your age?” Viktor asks. “I’d think you’re younger than me.”

“Loosely my age.” Jayce says. “I’m the youngest– nevermind. My group or whatever it's called.”

“I see.” Viktor says. He’s still scowling, a little, but it’s a more familiar look. That’s the look of a man who really doesn’t fucking want to be here. Jayce shifts on his heels, a little, running through topics in his head. Viktor’s here, which means he has to be smart, but Jayce doesn’t want to come on too strong by starting a conversation on thermodynamics, and that might seem like an intellectual challenge anyway. Clearly neither of them enjoyed small talk. Shit, how do people make friends?

“You know.” Jayce says. “I was forced to memorize the names and families of every single person in here. You wanna make bets on who’s going to drink themselves unconscious or cheat on their spouse?”

Viktor stares at him, a second, and for a moment Jayce thinks he’s chosen the wrong open. Then he grins, slowly.

“An intriguing proposition.” he says. “Does intent to commit infidelity count?”

“I think so.” Jayce says, grinning back.

“Who in here is married?”

Jayce points to a few people, rattling off names, and Viktor neatly rolls up his sleeves, hands Jayce a few coins, and says–

“I’m going to go tip some tables, then.”

Jayce is startled into laughing. “Oh that’s cheating.”

Viktor winks at him. “Ideally, it is.” he jokes, and then says– “Learn from a Zaunite. Never make a bet unless it’s a sure thing.”

He heads off, and as Jayce watches him go, there’s something warm and curling in his gut.

Oh, no.

He swallows that feeling, looks down at the coins in his hand, and then calls– “50 on the Arvino!” after Viktor, and darts off.

Never let it be said that he didn’t play the game, even when he suspected he was going to lose.

[stormblessed95]

Hey, Storm! Hope you're doing well! How do different BTS members act towards older or younger members? Which roles do they wear more comfortably? Which are more likely to be less formal and with whom? I'm really fascinated by their age hierarchy, and would love to hear your thoughts! 💜

Hi! I'm not sure if you are following me or not, but I think I could answer this better if we break it down into specifics. Like if you were to ask about one duo in particualr and how they handle their relationship boundaries etc, in my opinions of course.

I talk a lot about their friendships together in my Duo Dynamics posts if you haven't seen those yet. I have a group dynamics post there as well as all of Jimin and JKs ships done and a few others too.

I think in general, Jin is very good at putting them all at ease as well as not minding a drop in formalities very often from all of his dongsaengs. He isn't very strict about the age hierarchy and is super good at making the people around him feel comfortable. They mention is often about how wonderful Jin is as their eldest hyung and how he isn't strict with them. But how quick he is to adopt that "don't worry, lean on me l" hyung role when they need him too.

Jimin seems to find comfort in the formalities though too. He will drop them with his hyungs when he wants or they want or they are all teasing. But he is also one of the first to remind the others that Jin is the eldest and to speak respectful to him to at times too. Or will adopt that hyung role proudly with Taekook, introducing that formality as a way to take care of them at times, even with Tae. Which I talk about in this post here:

They've all been clear that they don't mind the informalily between them at this point too at times, even with their maknae. Which I talk about in this post below, JK dropping honorifics with all his hyungs. But I also think it's clear that his comfort level in dropping honorifics is HIGHEST with Jimin, and he does it the most after that with Tae and Jin in a teasing manner, indicating his comfort level at knowing it won't be considered disrespectful between those pairs as well.

Namjoon on the other hand seems to be one of the most eager to "be allowed" to drop honorifics at times with his hyungs while also being one of the quickest (along with Jimin who does the same) to slip into that dongsaeng role further than the others and call on his older members by the even more respectful term "hyung-nim" when he needs or wants something. Namjoon balances an interesting edge with being younger than half the group while also being their leader and in that respected position. I think that the comfort level all of BTS have together impacts how easily he can and will switch between those roles and how they all hang out together at times. You can tell how that progressed as well like when you look at Festa 2014 (I think) and Hobi mentions that sometimes (not often Though) that he doesn't know how to talk to RM because he is sees himself as Joons hyung, but Joon is also their leader while also technically being same age friends too. And it can be an awkward balancing act. It's clearly not something they find awkward anymore. A thread of Joon saying "hyungnim" because 🥺

YoonJin are also very clearly comfortable being the eldest hyungs too. It's cute how we sometimes see Jin being willing to let that go with the younger members though. And it's cute seeing Yoongi fully embrace being the dongsaeng to Jin too since he is so firmly planted in and comfortable as the hyung with the rest of BTS, even if he is okay with them being informal with him too. Yoongi and Jin both love being their hyungs. While Taekook are very comfortable being the maknaes who get scolded together too. Lol just being the incredibly goofy youngests who often get babied by the others.

The only time I see a break in that norm on a consistent basis for JK, is with Jimin. He loves being babied by Jimin along with his other hyungs. But he also wants to Baby Jimin right back unlike his other hyungs and he seeks that equal ground with Jimin, not as hyung and dongsaeng often, but just equal footing. Which is very unusual dynamics and very consistent for them. JK often doesn't seek out to "be the hyung or totally throw out hierarchy" as consistently with anyone else. Nor does Jimin seem to consistently allow that drop in hierarchy between him and anyone else as consistently. Minus, Tae, who is his Chingu. But even there, he occasionally adds that hierarchy dynamics to get to be Tae's hyung too.

Again, I highly recommend reading my Duo Dynamics post for stuff like this if you haven't yet and if you are wanting more about different members. Like Jins behavior broken down with how he treats his dongsaengs differently, etc. Feel free to send another ask 🥰 but again, read these other posts first and make sure it's not already there! Lol thanks for the ask! I love how close and loving all 7 are together. It's amazing

[mooniefics]

— beck and call

pairings : yelena / fem reader

word count : 10.2k

tags : one-sided relationship, lowkey master / servant dynamic, eventual smut, mild body worship, dom / sub undertones, power imbalance

warnings : contains nsfw, mildly dub-con at some points, yelena being physically rough w you for disobedience

summary : serving as yelena's personal guard turned out to yield many unexpected consequences.

to say that you were unnerved by the task of guarding an anti-marleyan volunteer would be an understatement.

you hadn't quite digested the fact there even existed a world beyond the walls that had towered over you for your entire life, looming high in the sky like a reminder that you would be trapped, penned like an animal for the rest of your prospective future. that had been your initial motivation to become a soldier, to at least advance to a garrison position where you could have a taste of exclusive information regarding what lay beyond the stone and metal bearings. but in the final year of your basic training, everything had changed. there were talks of outlandish things, of traitors from another land that had hidden amongst the native people, talks of islands and foreign soil and something more than the confines of the walls.

upon graduating, you had ultimately chosen the scouting legion, seeing how the garrison was quickly being disbanded and the remaining soldiers that hadn't stepped into their early days of retirement were joining the aforementioned regiment. the benefits only seemed to become greater and greater with the extinction of titans, the whispers of allies and retribution and rebuilding a lost legacy of your people. but somehow, all that novel luster had become muted, completely darkened by the imposing presence of this singular individual seated before you. you had only been debriefed on their name and role in military operations before your assignment, leaving you worryingly unprepared for arguably the most important assignment of your career.

the sound of your name passing from your squad leader's lips grounded you, the formal introduction quickly drawing to a close as he relayed the information to the striking foreigner. "she will be your personal escort for the remainder of your stay. if you have any questions regarding the island, feel free to ask her at any time."

"wonderful." their voice was rich, smooth with confidence and underlined with something unfamiliar—it was the way their lips rounded out the first syllable, or perhaps the way they spoke from the depths of their throat.

you felt your back stiffen as they rose from their seat, somehow rising taller and taller, their stature reaching much higher than anyone you'd ever met. immediately, your right hand clamped into a fist, thudding over your heart as your left arm hooked behind your back, spitting out your full name and designation just as you had while saluting hundreds of times. "i'm incredibly grateful for this opportunity to occupy you. thank you for all that you and the volunteers have done for paradis."

you were shocked that your voice hadn't quivered with the way their eyes dragged down your body, grey and barren of any emotion besides a hint of intrigue, sharp features framed by short, fair hair. they were strikingly handsome, masculine yet feminine at the same time, an indiscernible sort of beauty that perplexed and enthralled you.

"no need to thank me, soldier." whether they were assuring or commanding you, you didn't know, only cognizant of how they nearly purred out your title. swallowing, you lowered your hands, standing at ease and forcing yourself to not look to your superior for encouragement.

"then i shall show you to your lodgings. please follow me."

you forced yourself to turn your back to them and take a step, then another, mentally counting them one by one until you reached the door. you could hear their heavy footfalls following behind you, the distance steadily beginning to close until you forced your own pace to quicken. on the silent walk out of the management building, you had found a speed that worked, one long stride of theirs equaling two of yours, leaving you straining to keep a comfortable yet polite space between the both of you. you risked a glance back, having to crane your head up to catch a glimpse of their face. they had been staring idly at the back of your head, meeting your eyes when you turned to briefly face them, the moment cut short by your own haste to fix your view back onto the path before you.

"how shall i address you?" you attempted to fill the cool void of discomfort that had suddenly settled in the air around you, shoulders tense and brow taut.

"anything works."

their answer offered nothing in return to your inquiry, the faint image of their face flitting across your mind. you hadn't looked at them long enough to commit their features to memory, but you had looked enough to remember their startlingly cold eyes, angular nose and full lips, sharp jaw and heavy brow.

"m-miss yelena?" you attempted, fighting the urge to nervously fidget or give away any sign of your unease.

"if it suits you." was their final reply before the two of you fell silent once again.

the lack of discussion persisted through the remainder of the journey, the only sounds occupying the space being the fall of your boots against the ground and the jingle of your keyring that you drew from your pocket to unlock the front door. you stood aside to hold it open as she walked in, feeling an odd sensation flutter in the pit of your stomach when she had to duck under the frame to enter. the housing itself wasn't extravagant, only a single open room with a desk, bookshelf, dresser, kitchenette, bed, and a small bathroom area to the side to occupy the space, the ceiling seeming much lower than it was due to yelena's formidable height. she looked out at the room, flicking a stray lock of hair out of her eyes, face neutral and inexpressive.

"how quaint," she turned to face you, a prick of unease making your posture pin-straight once again, "is there any reason they've put us volunteers away from the main soldier barracks?"

your mind suddenly went blank at the worst of times, unknowing of the exact answer but knowing you had to over something in response. "s-simply for your comfort. we wouldn't like it to seem as if we don't trust you to stay on your own."

"ah, so considerate of you." for the first time she smiled, a barely-there tilt at the corner of her lips that made your heart stutter, "then i'll be sure to make myself at home."

she stepped slowly over to the bookshelf, dragging her fingers over the backs of the books with an apparent interest. you stayed standing where you were, unsure if you should leave then or wait a bit longer for just the right moment. something about her presence was unnerving, but there was also an undeniable allure that you almost gravitated to, despite her being a stranger.

"do you need anything else?" you piped up, letting your hands link behind your back, fingers twisting together.

"not that i can think of." each word seemed scripted, as if she'd practiced this entire conversation a dozen times before it'd ever happened.

"then i'll be on my way." you shakily smiled in an attempt to seem put together, hoping that she didn't immediately see through the weak front, "i'll be back in a couple of hours to escort you to dinner."

you bowed and took your leave, almost desperate to escape her all-consuming gaze and find refuge outside her line of sight. but even after you'd shut the door behind you and stepped off the porch, well on your way down the path you'd taken, you could still feel how her eyes had examined every fine detail of your stance, analyzing every shift and subtle movement you made with a calculating look. deep down, you already knew that this position would be completely exhausting from the get-go.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

you had fulfilled your typical nightly routine—fetch yelena from her quarters to escort her to the cafeteria, go your separate ways and sit at your usual tables after getting food, finish your dinner with five minutes to spare in the dining hour to go inform yelena that it was time for her to wrap up her meal so you could take her back. she'd followed you down the usual path, now lit with newly placed street lamps that turned on after the sun sunk below the horizon and night fell. there had been nothing out of the ordinary, aside from the way the volunteer table had eyed you with a formerly absent intrigue when you came to speak to yelena.

that comfortable distance you'd kept between the two of you had slowly been narrowing over the last few days, a development which had peaked both your curiosity and your anxiety. while you still kept yourself a few paces ahead of her, you could feel how close her presence had become, an almost physical weight that settled itself over your back and urged you to walk faster and faster to escape its grasp. but you knew that she was all too good at reading your body language, somehow having familiarized herself with even the finest idiosyncrasies that incriminated you in just about a month, an understanding that had only grown deeper as more and more time had passed. although you felt as if you'd gained the upper hand for a few days when you realized that she always let a bit of emotion slip in her large, ashen eyes when you said something just enough out of the ordinary to catch her interest, any progress you thought you'd made was quickly squandered by her own advancements. today was no different, another morning and afternoon filled with dodging the occasional pervasive question from her about the simplest of things.

were you an only child? had you been closer to your mother or father when you were younger? did you join the scouts to explore the world or because you simply found no value in living out your life doing something different? they had started out with an ambiguous end-goal, but slowly evolved into even more unprofessional matters—attempts to provoke a discussion about your love life, what you might look for in a prospective partner, whether you wanted to settle down after you retired or stay unattached for the remainder of your life.

you always dodged, and she always let up for a while, lulling you into a sense of safety that was always broken by that same question again, worded differently but asking for an answer that was the same as the last. the more you ran from her company, the more she seemed to push it upon you, pleased when you would slip up and get flustered when she caught you off guard. so you held your ground this evening, even when your fingers quivered at the realization that she was practically peering over your shoulder, watching you unlock the door to her quarters with just barely enough space separating you to not feel her breath fanning down the back of your neck.

you quickly opened the door and began moving to hold it open for her like you always did, but felt a large hand resting at your shoulder, prompting you to quickly spin on your heel to face her. she was usually finished with her casual interrogating by this hour, which was why you were more than surprised to see that she was staring down at you, having lowered yourself to your level enough for you to not have to tilt your head completely back to meet her eye.

you took an instinctive step back, flinching at the sound of the door falling shut behind you, effectively caging you in between it and the woman before you. pale, dangerously alert irises traversed your expression, drinking in every small feature that had been drawn back into a confused look, stomach already knotting into a twisted tangle of warmth and icy panic.

"are you afraid of me?"

the immediate answer sat on the tip of your tongue, lips parting to deliver the lie you had ready for such an inquiry. but something in her eyes spoke to you, silently, warning you not to give into dishonesty. you couldn't possibly admit to still being fearful of her, not when you were meant to be the powerful one in this relationship. you weren't supposed to say yes, but you also found yourself unable to lie as you always did, not when the path you'd walked with her was still worryingly empty and you felt the hard wood of the door now pressing unforgivingly into your back with each minuscule step back.

"sh-should i be?" you cursed your stammer, betraying your evident lack of control, the only redeeming aspect being the non-committal implication that responding with another question held.

that seemed to throw her off a bit, owlish eyes slowly blinking at you as she thought. even up close like this, you couldn't identify a single flaw in her appearance—pale skin smooth like porcelain, unconcerned by any sort of natural imperfections, hair like fine silk and eyes piercingly bright, yet clouded like a stormy sky. you squeaked at a hand seizing your collar, right hand instinctively flying down to the scabbard strapped around your thigh, clammy palm shakily clenching around the hilt of your blade, the other clamping firmly around her wrist.

she only smirked at the presumed threat, pressing herself even closer to you, enough that you could feel the radiant heat of her lips just barely grazing your own. you suppressed the trembling threatening to shake through your every limb, beginning to feel lightheaded with the effort to contain your quickening breaths, swallowing down your dread, forcing yourself to meet her gaze when she spoke.

"if it suits you. it doesn't affect me either way, does it?"

you just barely shook your head side to side, not realizing you were rising up onto your tiptoes until she pulled you forward that last inch by your shirt, eyes falling shut as her lips melded easily against yours. an inexplicable warmth flourished in your chest, heart tripping up to match the frantic speed of your thoughts, fingers clenching around her slender, clothed wrist. you forced yourself back with a sharp intake of breath, backing yourself far enough into the door that you could feel the wood digging into the small of your back.

"m-miss yelena, you can't—!"

she didn't allow you to finish, tugging you back to your previous position with a low huff, the faint snap of a stitch popping somewhere on your collar going unregarded as you let out a small noise of surprise, wide eyes relenting and squeezing shut. a voice in the back of your mind screamed for you to draw your knife, push her away, force her into her quarters, anything but just standing there and allowing her to exert such a humiliating power over you. but it was so much easier to sink into her grasp, to feel her fingers slowly relax and hold you at a comfortable height rather than force you up, to allow the hot flush of an unknown intimacy to settle deep into your skin.

you'd been kissed before, it wasn't as if she stole your first chance from you, but it had never been like this. you had only brushed the surface of gentle pecks and lingering hands on the other's face until you both giggled and pulled away, never faced with such a certain confidence that almost frightened you more than it allured you, an unspoken order that left you at her mercy rather than on equal footing. and though you'd all but forgotten about your initial rejection, yelena had not, chastising you with a firm bite to your lower lip that drew a less-than-composed whimper from the back of your throat.

"i would advise you to not dictate what i can and cannot do in the future." she stated firmly, tone devoid of any personal inflection, barely pulling away enough for you to meet her stare, hand tightening around your collar once more, "understood?"

"y-yes, miss yelena." you barely whispered, nodding affirmatively. a flicker of amusement momentarily lightened her expression when you drew your tongue over the aching skin of your lips, the taste of faint copper and black tea clinging to your taste buds.

she slowly slackened her grip, not even so much as blinking as she straightened her posture and reached past you to open the door, allowing you a moment to scamper out of her path and pull your shirt back into place with trembling hands. "then, you are dismissed, soldier."

she didn't spare you a second glance before proceeding into her quarters, shutting the door behind her without another word. you stood dumbly for a moment, licking over your bottom lip once more, just then realizing how shallow and quick your breathing was. you steadied yourself enough to lock her door, shaking away the mental fog of such an abrupt change of scenery, pulling your jacket tighter around you to make up for the lack of her warmth pressing into you, confused as to why you had just allowed yourself to be ordered around by the individual that you were meant to be keeping in check. the walk back to your dorm was blurry at best, a few good-nights from your colleagues that prompted a hum of acknowledgement, thankfully nothing that required you to recount your daily fulfilled duties or anything past a few minutes prior.

even after you'd shed your clothes, pointedly ignoring how wrinkled your shirt front had become, cleaned yourself up and crawled into the isolated comfort of your bed, you found yourself unable to sleep. perhaps you could learn from this experience, remind yourself at all times to put even more distance between the two of you. maybe you would have to stop conversing with her so casually, or perhaps your best option would be to cut your losses and request an assignment change, consequences or record mark-ups be damned. but as you tossed and turned on your mattress, burying your face into your pillows and trying to rid your skin of any memory of her touch, a voice at the back of your head ceaselessly murmured, a rambled premonition of more turbulence to come.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

this day marked five weeks since the initial incident, there had been no activity like it since—although you couldn't say whether you thought that was a bad thing or not. not to say that you hadn't been keeping your distance, the first few days were spent cautiously looking over your shoulder, making sure to keep her even further than arm's length but still close enough to guarantee that she couldn't slip away on her own. she behaved respectfully enough, although she herself seemed to be acting as if nothing had even happened, greeting you like normal and allowing you to escort her to meals and strategy meetings when necessary, despite how she'd affirmed that you weren't to give her any orders.

you hadn't reported the infraction to any superiors, knowing that you would get caught up in an unnecessary fuss that might even get you stuck at the bottom of the ranking list once again, an unthinkable outcome that only made you sure that the right decision was to keep your mouth shut. the previous afternoon was the first time yelena had made a special request, describing how unfortunate it was that she was lacking just a few proper amenities that would really make her lodgings "feel just like home". your persistent hesitance had eased after the first week of safety, and you fulfilled your responsibility of maintaining her comfort by arriving early this morning, toting a small bag of a dark ground powder and cups.

you were surprised to see that yelena was already awake upon your arrival, seated at a table that looked far too small for her, reading one of the many books from her provided bookshelf. you exchanged polite greetings, her not rising from her place until you'd lit the fire beneath the stove and set out a plate and cup for her at the counter, stowing away the rest in whatever free space you could find. you stood by while she took care of making whatever it was she wanted herself, noting the fragrant richness that had filled the air upon her steeping the powder in heated water.

"they only serve black tea in the cafeteria," she said, speaking to no one in particular, plucking a ladle from the utensil rack, "it's been ages since i had a cup of coffee in the morning."

the heat of the stove was beginning to warm the room, prompting you to shed your jacket and place it on the back of the chair yelena had not been previously seated at. your shirt beneath it was more forgiving, a thin material that had always hung a bit loosely from your shoulders, great for the hotter days when you were still expected to be in uniform.

"have you ever had a cup of coffee?" her voice interrupted your meandering stream of thought, the sound of liquid being poured into a cup faintly catching your attention.

"no, i don't think i have."

"would you like to try some?"

the offer stoked the spark of bothersome curiosity, the scent filling the air and mingling with the ambient sound of crackling wood and the feel of the hot air making you want to accept. perhaps this was her way of making amends, or just doing something pleasant for the worker that she was made to follow behind like their second shadow.

"if it's not too much trouble, then.."

"of course it isn't."

you felt a light sweat beginning to bead down your back, pulling your handkerchief from your pocket and dabbing at your neck. this space wasn't properly suited for a stove to be used, seeing as the unlatching mechanisms on the window had been removed for the sake of thwarting any sort of curfew breaking by the volunteers, meaning there was little ventilation aside from the small chimney extending out of the kitchenette area. you stole a glance at yelena, now opening the cabinet that you had strained to reach with ease.

the memory of her hand fisting your shirt, the collar that now hugged just the slightest bit looser at the base of your neck, the long healed-over bite that had left the soft flesh of your lips feeling raw for the following few days. the external heat of the still burning stove was only intensified by the flush climbing up to your cheeks, the desire to release a button or two on your shirt and free some of your skin to the open air becoming undeniable. it felt a bit ironic that the one time you'd properly stepped into her quarters for more than a quick minute to help her get something sorted was the one time the tension that always hung in the air between the two of you was replaced by something tangibly suffocating, the sweltering heat that made you kick off your blankets in the dreary silence at night when the recollection of her kiss relentlessly looped in your mind and chased away any thought of sleep.

you hooked a finger on the collar of your shirt, gently tugging it to the side to absentmindedly press the soft cloth over the skin, wiping away any bothersome perspiration that would leave you uncomfortable by the time you were allowed to change out of your uniform and shower it away.

"what's that?" your eyes darted up at her question, catching sight of the two plated teacups in her hands before you met her gaze.

"i beg your pardon?" you asked meekly.

"that. at your shoulder." you glanced down to where your handkerchief had previously been.

"oh, do you mean this?" she nodded when you pointed to the raised line of skin marring your shoulder, a thick scar that you'd stopped fussing over after realizing that it was an inevitable outcome. "it's a scar," you clarified, tucking your personal cloth back in your pocket, "just about everyone in the military has the same one."

she didn't respond, but held your gaze as she proceeded to the table to set the cups down. you'd become more accustomed to these silent requests, and you knew that she was telling you to continue.

"you work with the equipment engineers, right?" she nodded. "then you've seen our harnesses. all those leather straps end up digging into our skin and leaving scars pretty much all over. although, i did practice on the omnidirectional gear a bit more than all the other recruits during basic training to increase my proficiency, so mine may be deeper.."

you tensed as she approached, slow, deliberate steps steadily closing the distance between the two of you until she was right in front of you. she had started stooping down more often around you, only when she was directly addressing you alone, but it was something that you noticed all the same. a part of you wanted to feel offended, that she thought it necessary to lower yourself to your level as if you were beneath her in a way besides physical stature, but you couldn't deny that you enjoyed the exclusive treatment. she never seemed concerned with doing any sort of thing with anyone else—not with her colleagues, not with other soldiers of or below your ranking, not with any of your own superiors, only you. in a way, it made you feel acknowledged.

"could i see?"

"huh?" was your unprofessional response, but she didn't allow you any time to correct it.

"your scars. where else do you have them?"

"oh." you swallowed, forcing yourself to look up into her steely eyes, "well, i have them on the soles of my feet, and around my thighs, mostly around my torso."

a hand on your abdomen made your back go stiff, her touch pressing lightly over your shirt. "here?"

you nodded, small and timid before her, a trickle of sweat beginning to slide down your back. you realized that you had never had to look down at yelena, not until this present moment where she had knelt down on one knee in front of you, holding your gaze for just a moment before she undid a single button from the bottom of your shirt, glancing up at you as if to check for any sign of refusal before she undid another, then another.

there was nothing forceful about her motions today, nimble fingers patiently unfastening each clasp with care until your shirt revealed your midsection. one slender hand pulled aside the cotton fabric, the other reaching out, just barely grazing the skin of your stomach where the long, pale scar from your utility belt stretched horizontally across your body. her fingertips were warm from handling the kitchenware, but the shiver that crawled up your spine was cold, almost electric, a strange sensation squeezing around your heart and lungs, making each breath quicker than the last.

"was it painful?" she asked quietly, a tinge of earnesty lining her words, features entirely relaxed as they always were.

you let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding, voice barely reaching a whisper. "yes."

she focused her eyes onto the marred skin, following the raised line of flesh to your sides, brow cinching upwards the slightest bit at the sight of another carving down your waist, following the curvature of your ribs.

"what resilience.." she murmured, free hand returning to undo the remaining buttons of your shirt, "determination is such a beautiful trait, don't you think?" her eyes flitted up to meet yours, sharp and observant, fingers gingerly wrapping around your waist, thumb stroking down your lumbar. "for most, i have to hear it in their voice, or through their words—but it has always been different with you." she pulled a button free. "i see it in your eyes, the way you carry yourself, it's written all over your body." another undone button, you could feel the warmth of her breath fanning across your stomach, the graze of her fingertips tracing up your side and halting at the cloth wrappings over your breasts. "are there more under this?"

your knees felt a few flattering words away from buckling, each gentle touch making the fine hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. you nodded, lips parting to take in a much-needed deep breath, realizing that your shirt was now completely open, exposing the entirety of your scarred torso aside from what remained covered by your chest bindings. your fingers curled into your palm, trembling, just then noticing how soft yelena's hands were in comparison to your own, absent of callous and work-roughened skin. you bit at the inside of your cheek, blinking down at her as you watched a thin finger trace the seam of the cloth, finding the tucked end within moments and gently pulling it free.

a few loud knocks at the door were startling enough to make you jump, head snapping to the side to face the front of the house, a muffled call of your last name from the other side making an anxious knot twist painfully tight deep in your gut. you quickly stepped away, leaving yelena kneeling on the floor, struggling to button up your shirt without even bothering to fix your chest cloth. as soon as you'd gotten yourself situated, you opened the door to find your squad leader awaiting you on the other side.

"is everything alright? breakfast started five minutes ago."

you hoped that the disbelief on your face could be taken as the expression of someone who had simply lost track of time. "i apologize, sir! m-miss yelena put in a request for marleyan coffee yesterday, and i was simply waiting for her to finish before i escorted her to the cafeteria."

you forced yourself to stay composed, trying to focus on the impassive face of your squad leader. there was a stark difference between the emotionlessness of yelena and that of everyone else around you, she somehow made her lack of any sort of feeling or warmth a beautiful kind of coldness, unlike the unnatural stoicism of your superiors. you saw his mouth open to reply, but you were both surprised by a sudden presence behind you, a firm hand at your shoulder, his eyes moving from looking down at you to looking up at the woman behind you, a flicker of genuine unease flitted across his hardened features.

"please don't fault her for my lack of punctuality," she said, a false sincerity lightening her usual low tone, "i simply wanted to enjoy a taste of home, is all. is my presence imperative?"

"i was only making sure everyone was accounted for." your squad leader asserted, staring up at her in an obvious attempt to intimidate that you knew would fail, "as long as you're being properly monitored, do as you please."

"understood." her fingers curled around your shoulder, gently urging you back, away from the door, "then i won't dawdle any longer, i'll join you all in the cafeteria momentarily."

yelena shut the door for you as soon as you took a step back, waiting until the steps of your squad leader had descended off of the porch and disappeared down the path before speaking to you. "i do hope i didn't get you in trouble."

you turned on your heel to face her, feeling a slight flutter in your chest at the sight of her already having lowered herself to your height. "oh, no, you don't have to worry about that.. he's always been a bit on the uptight side of things."

the corners of her lips perked up into the faintest smile before she proceeded back to the table, pressing a finger to the side of one of the teacups. "the coffee's gone cold now. my apologies for the distraction."

distraction, the wry thought flitted across your mind. you guessed that word was suitably to describe allowing her to nearly undress you before the sun had even fully risen in the sky. this was becoming a dangerous game, an ever-lengthening round of cat and mouse, and each day that passed made your more and more certain that you were the one who was running despite your inherent position of power over her. there was something absolutely captivating about her, whether it be the air of mystery that no amount of questions could dispel, or the way that she could practically bring you to your knees with just a few careful words—the more thought you put into it, the more instances of appeal that you seemed to find that only made you want to sink deeper and deeper into the depths that was her subtle control over you.

"i just don't want us to arrive late and miss out on anything." you said lamely, empty words to fill the air as you moved across the room to grab your jacket.

"perhaps another time." she replied, removing the dishes from the table to deposit them in the sink, leaving you with that sole promise that insinuated much more than just another cup of coffee.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"miss yelena, i don't know if we're allowed to be in this section of the building—"

"no one has stopped us yet, have they?" yelena didn't turn back to address you, only continuing forward with that long stride that took two quick steps of your own to match.

she was correct in the regard that no one had questioned her presence in the west wing of the management building, and the few that had begun to object stopped immediately upon catching sight of you following obediently behind her. you felt a bit like a prop, being used as almost a badge of clearance by the one and only individual that you were meant to keep from unauthorized locations such as this one. but her flat assertion that she had important business that gave you nothing in the way of information of direction before she'd taken off for the barracks, leaving you only able to chase after her and hope that no one figured out that she wasn't supposed to be there in the event that she truly wasn't meant to be.

you didn't have long to ruminate on your circumstances before you arrived at a door flanked by a single soldier, a young man that you recognized as someone affiliated with the more well-known soldiers from the 104th graduating class. though you didn't recall his name, you nodded politely to him as he opened the door for yelena, trailing closely behind her while still trying to peek around her slender frame. it was one of the smaller meeting rooms, a large window providing a fair amount of natural illumination down onto the round table, the sole occupant being another one of the anti-marleyan volunteers.

"glad to see you could make it." onyankopon smiled broadly up at yelena, his warm gaze flitting to you momentarily before traveling back to his associate, "no trouble, i assume?"

"none at all." she replied as she took a seat at the head of the table, looking as if she belonged there more than any of the superiors you'd seen seated there, "this one made sure no one interrupted our trip."

you flushed at the praise, standing pin straight beside her chair, hands lowering from behind your back to at your sides, trying not to let the enjoyment of her commendation show on your face. he turned his attention to you, inspiring a quick skip of your heart, fingers tapping nervously at your thighs.

"it's great to hear that yelena has been treating you well." he said matter-of-factly, but a cocked eyebrow and tilt of his head seemed to request a verbal confirmation of his statement.

you blinked, your words catching in your throat as your eyes involuntarily glanced to yelena, an instinctive desire to hold your tongue in the face of speaking about her, an odd sort of insecurity concerning your character flaring in your chest. but that split second of silence was all that she needed to take up the task of answering onyankopon, planting an elbow down on the tabletop and resting her chin in her palm.

"i have been treating her well." she affirmed, almost sounding bored, tilting her head to address you as she reached out and took the hand of yours that was closest to her, drawing it close to her face as she examined your expression, "isn't that right?"

you swallowed, mouth dry, nodding at yelena before remembering that you were meant to be answering onyankopon. "oh, y-yes. miss yelena has been very easy to work with."

pale eyes glimmered at your positive answer, mouth twitching upwards into that rare, barely noticeable smile. you felt your heart jump into your throat as she brought her lips to your knuckles, planting a soft, brief kiss over the back of your hand before gently placing it down at your side. she looked at you as if she knew exactly what you were thinking, like she could hear that unspoken worry of whether she should be doing this in front of her colleague, like she was giving the silent reply that she could do as she pleased.

"then, shall we begin?" onyankopon's voice brought you back to the present, shooting you another momentary glance before fixing his eyes on yelena.

"oh, right." she turned back to you, "be a dear and leave us for a moment to chat."

the mix of confusion at her request and surprise at the affectionate title halted your thoughts. "i'm sorry, miss yelena, but i don't think i'm allowed to do that."

your heart sank as you watched a look of annoyance draw across her features, large eyes narrowing, brow knitting together. she didn't speak for a moment, almost like she was waiting for you to take back your refusal and head on your way without any further discussion. when you did neither, she frowned, reaching out her hand once more, her fingers drawing up your palm to wrap around your wrist.

you nearly yelped as she clinched her grasp almost painfully tight, thumb pressing down hard over the bone at the side of your wrist, nails digging in your skin. her voice was low when she spoke, dangerously commanding and castigating, each word carefully enunciated.

"i said go."

only after you'd earnestly nodded did she release you, allowing you to scamper out of the room, blinking away the tears that had begun to well in your eyes from your stinging skin and the way she'd spoken to you. you took your place at the side of the door unoccupied by the soldier you'd seen before entering, fingers shakily tracing over the underside of your wrist.

though you weren't bleeding, the skin felt raw and irritated, your pulse racing fast in your veins. perhaps it wasn't so bad that you'd left them in there on their own, seeing as the older, more experienced guard was also standing by, well aware that there was no one monitoring them in the meeting room. so you obediently stood and waited, straining to make out coherent words from their muffled voices, contemplating why seeing yelena upset with you was so distressing.

why had you allowed her to order you around? why had you even complied with her demands instead of outright refusing like you were supposed to? why were you worried that she would still be angry with you by the time she walked out of that meeting room? you couldn’t understand what concerned you so deeply about what yelena thought of you, but somehow, the overbearing silence of the empty hallway made it even more difficult to wrap your head around your thoughts. you were so wrapped up in your panicked attempt at contemplation that you didn’t even notice the sound of their footsteps approaching from the other side of the door, only torn from your mind when the door opened from beside you. the two marleyans emerged, laughing affably together, exchanging temporary farewells until they could see each other at dinner that evening.

you looked up at her anxiously, wishing she’d spare you a glance for even just a moment instead of keeping her gaze fixed on the only other individuals populating the space. you hid your hands behind your back rather than in your pockets, knowing that it’d look horrendously unprofessional. but before you could worry about anyone catching sight of the reddened marks, the familiar soldier addressed you directly.

“i do look forward to working more closely with you in the future, i don’t believe we’ve met before. ” he said, outstretching a hand for you to shake, “floch forster.”

you quickly tugged the sleeve of your coat over your injured wrist, grasping his hand and giving a firm up and down, only offering your own name and a polite nod in return. you didn’t exactly know what he meant by working together in the future, but you assumed that it was in reference to your shared position of personal guards to marleyan volunteers.

you tensed at the familiar weight of a hand on your shoulder, feeling a firm squeeze that you knew all too well. “then we shall be going now. come.”

you immediately complied, giving a brief goodbye to the two men before proceeding quickly behind yelena, practically at her heels as the two of you walked further and further down the hall, shrouded in another bout of tense silence. you escorted her out of the building without issue, through the barracks and all the way to her lodgings, receiving nothing in the way of assurance or acknowledgment the entire way.

you wanted to speak up for yourself, ask if she was angered with you, anything to fill the quiet void, but you couldn't bring your mouth to push the words free. you hoped that she'd at least offer you her usual goodbye, as inherently lifeless and out of polite necessity as it may be, but it didn't come even as you unlocked the door to her quarters and held it open for her to enter, not even turning back before she sat herself at her desk and got to work on the clutter of papers occupying it.

you left her, feeling strangely heavy with defeat, unable to focus on anything for long before your mind strayed back to her upset expression, or the physical evidence of her displeasure with you. over the next hours, you constantly checked your watch, counting down the minutes to dinner, to when you'd be able to justify being in her presence and hopefully receive some sort of indicator that you were in the clear. you'd always been someone who did what was asked of you, a people pleaser—but there was something different about the inclination you felt towards yelena. it wasn't the kind of obedience that you gave to your superiors, she wasn't anything close to your superior in a technical sense, but somehow it felt natural, a servitude borne out of free will rather than one determined by ranking.

you knew you hadn't done anything wrong by denying her initially, but yet you still hoped for her forgiveness.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

you quivered at the feeling of her lips sucking at the already marked skin of your neck, thighs squeezing tighter around her waist, her nails digging deep enough into them that they nearly threatened to tear the fabric of your pants. you swallowed down yet another moan, one hand working its way deeper into her short hair, the other clenching tightly to the fabric of her barely-buttoned dress shirt. your soft, shuddering breaths filled the space of the open air around you, the fear of knowing your squad leader was just outside the door waiting for a reply, adjacent to the wall that she'd pushed you up against despite your meek warnings that dinner would be starting any minute now, was almost tangible in your stomach.

she pulled away from the reddened flesh with a low hum, nipping at your ear as she demanded, "make him go away."

you barely nodded, eyes screwing shut when she began yet another bruising assault to your shoulder, not even giving you enough time to collect yourself and speak. "i apologize, s-sir. miss yelena wasn't f-feeling well, so i brought her meal h-h-here instead of escorting her to the cafeteria..!"

you nearly whimpered as her teeth sank into the soft junction between your neck and shoulder, silently praying to any higher power that may be listening for your superior to just leave already. "understood. please return the plates to the cafeteria before they close up and make it to the dormitories before curfew."

"y-yes, sir..!"

you could barely count his descending steps down the porch over the sound of your own blood roaring in your ears, only completely assured of his absence when she sighed against your skin, soothing the ache with a few apologetic licks, pressing her lips everywhere they could reach. you often found yourself recalling the first time this had happened, when the two of you were sitting at the table in her quarters and she had been apologizing for the day she'd ordered you out of the meeting room. you could still remember how her touch had trailed from stroking at your wrist, crescent nail prints still occupying your skin, to cupping your face, drawing you close to kiss her again and again—the heat of her proximity, how her hands had felt and caressed every inch of your body, whispering a breathless, endless stream of praises into your ear as you came apart under her.

though you had vowed to yourself that wouldn't allow it to happen again, that that night would be your first and only instance of giving into that weakness she'd slowly but surely carved into you, but you found yourself sinking into her arms when she beckoned you, sewing the buttons of your shirt back into place without complaint after the nights where she had become impatient and accidentally popped them free, staring at your naked body in the mirror after your long showers and tracing your fingers over the bruises she'd sucked and bitten into your tender skin.

she only marked you in places where you could hide them beneath your clothes, places which assured that she would be the sole individual to see them when she stripped you bare, only to add more and more. there was no set time between those late evenings, sometimes the interval would be less than a few days, and other times it would stretch out for weeks with no indication as to when the next occasion would come. but when it did, any semblance of self-restraint had completely diminished.

"you're such a good pet for me.." she cooed, her words sending a warm spark through every inch of you.

she'd become fond of calling you that, and a part of you wondered if that was all she saw you as, as only a pet or a possession. you'd accepted that she had the upper hand in this relationship, whatever it may be, but you couldn't help enjoying the feeling of being desired so deeply, being touched and admired in ways you'd never even imagined before you met her. your arms clasped tighter around her neck as she pulled you away from the wall, laying you out on her bed, taking a moment to strip out of her shirt before lowering herself on top of you.

her hands busied themselves ridding you of your chest wrappings, lips attentively traversing each inch of newly revealed skin, murmuring curses and sweet nothings that only made you squirm more beneath her, impatient and eager. you mewled when she'd finally settled her hands over her bare breast, large palms pressing into soft flesh, slender fingers pinching at your nipples. she turned her head up to kiss you, tongue outlining the seam of your lips before sliding into your mouth, claiming it as her own.

you were left panting when she pulled away despite its briefness, hazy, low-lidded eyes finding her own, intoxicated by that carnal look, dark pupils nearly overtaking the piercing grey of her irises. she only smirked at your lack of composure, dipping her head back down to suck and bite at the valley of your breasts, your fingers reflexively tightening in her hair. your hips bucked up into nothing, desperate for any sort of friction, much to yelena's amusement.

"aren't you just the neediest little thing?" she paused to lave her tongue over a pert bud, drawing another heated sigh from you as you nodded, hoping that your agreement could persuade her to not spend so much time teasing you.

she granted you the slightest relief, taking your nipple between your lips and sucking at it, the hand not occupied with another breast trailing down the scar etched into your side, following the path down to your navel to begin unbuttoning your pants. each second seemed to drag on longer than the last, and though you knew that she wasn't purposely drawing out the process of undressing you, it was still not enough. you were practically kicking your underwear to the floor by the time they made their way around your ankles, skin still burning hot despite being fully exposed to the air.

"p-please, miss yelena.." you whimpered at the feeling of her hand tracing up and down your inner thigh, occasionally stopping to stroke across the raised lines of skin that had been inscribed into your skin by the series of belts and buckles on your gear harness, but never proceeding that final inch up to where you needed it.

she pulled away to let out a low chuckle, peering up at you through dark lashes, bare chest pressed flush against your stomach. she drank in the way your face shifted as she rested the pad of her thumb over your clit, rubbing languid circles over it as her pointer finger dipped down your cunt, instantly slick with your arousal.

"you're so worked up from just that?" she taunted, speaking at barely a murmur, "or was it because somebody was listening?"

you felt the knot of anticipation drawing tight in the pit of your stomach, watching as she took her fingers in her mouth and licked over them, thighs shuddering when she returned to their previous position. "i-it was— i j-just— please.."

you could barely form a coherent thought, back arching up to urge your body as close to hers as you could manage, only cognizant of just how close you were to being relieved of that unbearable pressure welling within you. she only smiled, close-lipped and cunning, resting her head over your heaving chest.

"your heart is racing. i wonder how much faster i could make it go.."

you nearly whined as two fingers slid into you with little resistance, her mouth closing over a nipple, alternating between gently tugging at it with her teeth and flicking over it with the tip of her tongue. your hips rocked up into her hand, matching the pace of her wrist as your head dug back into the mattress, moans and incoherent pleas spilling from your parted lips.

you could feel yourself quickly approaching that rapturous peak, hands fisting the sheets under you, white stars blotting out your vision as she curled her fingers just right. you shuddered, gasping, eyes rolling aimlessly into the back of your head as the tension that had wound itself into every muscle finally released, coming completely undone beneath her. you pressed a shaking hand over your mouth, muffling the sound of your winded breaths, letting out a small noise when she relieved you of her fingers. you felt her lips grazing over your chest, forcing your head up to look at her with bleary eyes when their feather-light touch proceeded lower and lower down your stomach.

you had expected things to come to an end as they usually did, with her pulling her clothes back on before you even had the chance to see straight and gathering your own garments from the floor to hand to you, leaving you to walk back to your dormitories on trembling legs in your wrinkled uniform. but there was no sign of that immediate withdrawal as she gathered your thighs in her hands, lifting your legs up onto her shoulders as she pressed a brief kiss over your naval.

you licked your lips nervously, already more than too sensitive at just the feeling of her breath over your soaked cunt. you opened your mouth to meekly object or ask for just a moment longer to catch your breath, but she shushed you, her heavy-lidded gaze sending a fresh bout of heat across your skin. each little quiver of your thighs only made her grip fasten, unable to keep still as she kissed at the scars and soft flesh, drawing a stifled whimper when she stopped to suck a deep mark at a spot of untarnished skin.

you could see the pale expanse of yelena's back, pristine and absent of any previous traumas, the complete opposite of your own. the first time you'd see her undressed, you couldn't take your eyes off of her slender frame, lined with muscle from her days as a soldier but still so delicate. you'd never left any marks when she'd allow you to kiss at her neck and chest, only enough to see the rosy flush settle over her body, but by that time she was more than eager to get back to playing with you instead.

you took in a deep, unsteady breath, jaw clenching and stomach tightening as her tongue drew flat up the length of your cunt, a small moan breaking from your parted lips. she pressed forward, flicking the tip of her tongue over your clit in a merciless rhythm, holding your thighs apart to accommodate her presence each time they attempted to squeeze shut. you writhed over the sheets, her name slipping from you between high-pitched whines and labored breaths, minutes melting past in an incomprehensible blur, leaving you only cognizant of her tongue and hands dragging you back over that edge again and again.

by the time she'd released you, you could barely hold your eyes open, thighs aching from her fingers digging into them, throat raw from crying out for her and gasping in what never seemed to be enough air, feeling too exhausted to even think about making the walk back to your own room. but rather than hand your clothes to you in a silent cue for your departure, you watched her make her way back up the mattress to lay beside you, pulling your heavy, sweat-slicked body against her own. you couldn't try to refuse the comfort of her warmth, face pressing into her chest, breathing in her soft, clean scent, still occasionally trembling as you tentatively allowed your hands to cling to her.

you told yourself not to get comfortable, to try to regain control of your limbs by the time her sympathy for overworking you had worn off and she ordered you away for the night, but the demand never came. you felt a large hand settle at the base of your neck, another splaying across the small of your back, her chin resting on the crown of your head, holding you close like a lover would.

"you could stay for the night if you'd like." her tone was even and collected as it always was, but hushed, like she was murmuring a secret to you.

you knew that sleeping her had already far overstepped whatever boundary had been abandoned that night she'd first kissed you, the morning where she'd marveled at your body and commended your courage, every instance you'd obeyed her rather than carry out the simple orders you were given. it was already too late to tear yourself away from this presence that you'd grown so familiar with—the one that you had feared, the one that you now craved despite how you knew you shouldn't.

"thank you, miss yelena." you whispered hoarsely, curling into her, allowing your heavy eyes to close.

that would be the first and last time you ever spent the night in her quarters.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

the banquet to celebrate the completion of the rail system in trost was minutes away from commencing. the speaking podium was empty for the moment, soldiers and civilians chattering amongst themselves as they waited for the military officials to gather at the stage. you were authorized to be in the private area as yelena's personal escort, seeing as she had participated in the mapping of the railroad through the district and would be acknowledged as a contributor to the advancement of paradis.

but as excited as you were to celebrate, eat good food and hopefully get a chance to drink, you weren't looking forward to transferring your position to floch forster for the remainder of the night. although, your desire to stay by yelena's side had been momentarily dissuaded by the desire to please her when she'd requested the change a few days prior. you hadn't bothered to hide your disappointment, nor did you hold back your questions.

"change to forster? but.. why?" you had asked, in the privacy of her quarters, feeling an immediate disheartening at her words.

she didn't directly respond, the hand that had been at your shoulder rising to pet at your cheek. "you trust me, don't you?"

"y-yes, but—"

"then file a request to change with him."

you couldn't explain why you had felt such a cool emptiness burrowing into your chest, a sudden spite for the other soldier beginning to fester in the back of your mind, the thought that she would choose him over you inspiring an indescribable irateness. you turned away from her hand, not thinking of how you were pouting like a child, unwilling to meet her eyes or compromise with her. you'd been fretting over how she hadn't spared you any sort of affection in the nearly two months that had passed, the fear that she'd grown tired of you an incessant whisper in your ear. but then she had reached for you, treated you gently, persuading with that hint of sincerity she rarely ever showed you.

"it would only be for the evening, i have business to attend to that night. i'm sure you've been looking forward to the celebration?" a frown tugged at your lips, only offering a small nod in reply, meeting her eyes when she guided you by your chin to face her. "then transfer with forster, have fun for the evening—you deserve it."

you couldn't help but preen under her praise, meeting her eyes, heart stuttering at the sight of her barely-there smile. you finally caved after a moment of thought, relenting to her wishes. "i'll put in a temporary transfer request tomorrow afternoon."

"thank you, dear."

despite how you weren't exactly looking forward to forster's arrival to relieve you from duty, those final words lifted your spirits just the slightest bit. perhaps she had simply been caught up in the stress of such a grand achievement, too busy attending meetings with engineers and generals and event staff to make any spare time for you for the past weeks. you had waited for weeks before, you could continue waiting if need be. you were at her beck and call, and as long as it pleased her, you were perfectly fine doing as such.

you let out a soft sigh at the sigh of floch forster approaching, weaving through the scattered crowd with a stoic, dutiful look plastered across his expression.

"good evening, floch." yelena said from beside you.

he replied with a polite good evening to both you and her, adding your name as more of an afterthought than anything, but turning his focus back to you when you still hadn't stepped away. "you can go, i'll take it from here."

your gaze flickered over to yelena, feeling yourself relax as she nodded to you, a hand resting at your shoulder to gently urge you forward. "i'll see you tomorrow morning. enjoy yourself tonight."

so you took your leave, watching the ceremony in the company of your fellow soldiers, eyes always wandering away from the speaker and to yelena at the side of the stage. the speech concluded, the crowd cheered and applauded, and everyone was directed to the banquet hall where the remainder of the event would be held. you watched yelena and floch walk off the stage with the other officials, becoming distracted for just a moment speaking to someone but having lost sight of them by the time you looked back.

you didn't see yelena for the remainder of the night, but you did as you were told, enjoying the good food, talking to your friends, avoiding any alcohol in preparation for your usual early morning. it was all over quite quickly, and the next morning came and went, business as usual for the remainder of the next few days—then came the news of eren jaeger's disappearance, then the plans of the all-hands-on-deck operation that was to be the retrieval effort for the young man, the entire scouting branch thrown into overdrive.

and, though you never mustered the courage to ask, you felt a sinking feeling deep inside, that yelena's nightly errand with floch and eren's absence were somehow connected, that there was much more going behind the scenes that you couldn't even begin to fathom.

just wanted to give u guys a little gift for my birthday (´･ᴗ･ ` )