#they're still what im thinking abt
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I've got A LOTTA art dump over the past few months for borderlands and even up till now, Abt the Nisha x Mad moxxi thang mostly 😭😭😭
#borderlands 2#borderlands#handsome jack#mad moxxi#nisha kadam#borderlands fanart#owowowwow lesbeans#they're still what im thinking abt#also bloody handsome jack for when I finished bl2#school is eating up my time SAVE ME#art dump
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes ���ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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i have GOT to stop drawing things for fics i haven't written yet
#qkdraws#id in alt#mob psycho 100#mob psycho#mp100#mp100 ritsu#ritsu kageyama#takenaka momozou#in general i think i'm pretty proud of this one#i was going for a very specific vibe and i'm not sure if i rly hit the mark but i got close i think#i love giving ritsu long as fuck hair. boy get u a brush and some scissors my god#goes against his generally put-together appearance in canon#in my heart he's a messy 13 year old with leaves in his hair and no brush to be seen in his bathroom. he doesn't own one.#he learns to be a little more Himself after s3 and he becomes a little less perfectly civil and a little more Wild#without the gang fights this time tho. character development#that's within ritsu standards ofc. he still says please and thank you and still sits w perfect posture at the dinner table#but if he comes home w mud in that stupid spiky cut uhm . let him live his life ? damn.#what was i talking about . ...oh right the tumblr post#if u ask me abt this fic i'll give u my entire collection of cool rocks. they're around here somewhere.some of them are sparkly#i like drawing takenaka i think his hair is fun#it's basically oot link hair and that's always cool#made it extra messy this time. to convey the Horrors#u have no idea the amount of restraint it took to NOT put ritsu in a hoodie here#im god's strongest soldier
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i'm late to this year’s art review thingy bc I had a reeeally busy december and then left my laptop behind when I came home so couldn’t finish any drawings or get my files 🥲 anyway I’ve been reunited with it now so!!!
it’s been a weird but mostly good year!! i started my first proper job in the anim industry and moved house twice. there’s tons of stuff i wanted to make this year but couldn’t find time for bc of the amount of. everything. going on all the time. it was actually a bit hard finding art to fill the spaces this year, which is why i had to stretch my little amount of sketchbook week stuff over two months. it’s been a little bit frustrating - i feel like i’ve learned so much from my job but i haven’t had much time to do anything to show it, but i guess that’s the trade-off. it’s cool being a small part of someone else’s idea but that means i get less time & energy for my own. i want to try and strike a better balance between the two this year and i really hope that soon i’ll be able to share the thing i’m working on i’m literally gonna die of excitement 😭
it’s been really cool getting to make more content of my ocs and see ppl enjoy it, you guys and the nice comments you leave are everything to me. i hope this new year is kind to everyone and thanks for sticking around <3
some of these i haven't posted so to give due credit -
*feb was a gift for @ewwgene-fitzherbert of our blorbos <3
*september is fanart of @the-hilda-librarians-wife’s amazing OC meiri. there will be more
#looking at this it was a VERY oc centric year which is cool#the guys in august are also my ocs just not hilda for a change..i wanted to do a series of drawings to set them up and post em all together#and then the season 3 news came in with a steel chair#ill come back to them#that dec drawing of arwen i finished literally yesterday but bc i sketched it out on paper over xmas it still counts as last year ok!!!!#wife got me thinking abt what her winter outfit would be. her fault <3#im sorry to say i decided for some reason she still wears tights they're just probably rly woolly ones so she doesnt catch hypothermia#hilda the series#art tag
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Soooo for the future AU with married Kim and Ramona, who do you think would take whose last name?? Or would they double barrel them?? Or not mess with their last names at all? Was literally lying awake thinking about this last night it means far too much to me
Oh man... much to consider...
Obviously, the funny/correct (/j) answer is they end up hyphenating it as Pine-Flowers.
But honestly like.. either of them taking the others name is also so cute? Kim Flowers, Ramona Pine.... they make me very 💞💞💞
(Flowers-Pine is also a fine order for the hyphenated take, and arguably more funny since Pine-Flowers is right there, but I think Pine-Flowers has better flow, ya know?)
Of course, this is taking at as a "legitimately married" au as I have taken you to posit here,, whenever I think about their future selves, personally, I've been thinking about it like "yeah Ramona's still married to Scott actually. This changes nothing for me" ahfduksfjdh
#like i see them still giving eachother rings and maybe calling eachother by their own respective last names while they go about whatever it+#+is they're doing...#they cant file formally since ramona isn't divorced but it only gnaws at Kim sometimes because it's Scott Fucking Pilgrim- Ramona otherwise+#+gives no indication that Kim has anything to worry about. and she doesn't! imo anyway#(idk so far as im concerned until bryan tells us what Future Kim is up to i am considering them Canon your honor shjfshjdhf and thats how +#+that works out in my mind considering canon statements made)#((plus is explains to me why even older scott would drag kim there for the final showdown...))#spto#kim pine#ramona flowers#ship stuff#kimona#pineflowers#ramkim#kimram#kim x ramona#ramona x kim#thats all im doing maybe. we'll see if i decide to add more/longer ones#ooc#txt#cassmouse#tysvm for the ask! <3 i also lay awake thinking abt them... they are everything to me....#((also i generally need to be thinking abt future kim for a Thing. sans pineflowers Tragically but For A Thinggg....))#asks#(forgot that. whoops.)
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applied to a bunch of jobs! 😅🙏
#took me three days bc i really wanted my dad's input on my resume and he took a while to get back to me#but i reallyyyy wanted to have applications in my monday morning and now i do :)#also feeling much better aboutbthe whole thing now that i have stuff to be excited about#still really really sad abt leaving the kids at my current job tho#but i drove by some of the places i applied today and researched them and im really optimistic about some of them#i even heard back from one already which i was not expecting at all#she literally emailed me like half an hour after getting my application and started asking me questions#like a pre interview#so thats nice#we went back and forth a couple of times#its not my top top choice but that place isnt officially hiring and might take forever to back back to me#this place is a smaller home daycare type place and urgently hiring but the pay is super good and a home daycare environment might be nice#and the pay is pretty decent esp compared to what im making now#the top top place is a fancy pants private school that going to be way more thorough abt references and background check#so they'll take longer to get back to me#but i found out after applying that my friend's mom works there 🤯#so she's gonna ask her to put in a good word for me :)#but they're not officially hiring according to their website it just says they encourage people to inquire so i did#so p unlikely i would get that one but you never know#anyway!!!!#finally excited abt things and not just filled with dread and sadness abt leaving the current place and kids#still makes me sad but im not on the verge of tears thinking abt it anymore lol#this has been a shitpost
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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
#phantom hourglass#linebeck#loz#legend of zelda#salty talks#imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger#and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me#that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything#otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife#and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything#the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him#but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up#the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it#everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out#it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this#for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something#will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this#anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him#when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust#i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving#he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often#tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters#his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the#actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)
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This is an anon one of my favorite dead dove writers got on here and thank god someone said it
#im still thinking abt the fic i read tagged with ''non romanticized rape'' ''non romanticized incest'' bro what are you talking abt.#what does ''romanticize'' even mean any more. first of all.#and why are some people so terrified of portraying these REAL issues with REAL complexity??#like the incest diary - if a child says she ''wanted it''#that doesn't reflect on her at all. that reflects solely on the abuser#because they're the one who has created the child's “wants”#often with the threat of violence if rape isn't ''wanted''#but does saying that mean we're romanticizing rape and incest???? am i in bizarro world????
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What about sorcerer Adaine? It'd keep the way her parents treated her consistent because of in that case they'd see her having the easy way of casting instead of studying to be a "proper" caster
this is a great idea!! the only reason why I'm not gonna pick it up is bc I've already locked down sorcerer for kristen haha
#not art#(and also someone brought up artificer!adaine and the hackergirl teen movie genre is too good to pass on)#the point abt adaine's parents's attitude is of interest bc like. the thing is they're grooming aelwyn so adaine's lot is set#even if she got into hudol and aced all her classes they would find something to put her down with. bc that's what she's in the family for#sorcerer!adaine I feel like would have somewhat of a similar arc to warlock!adaine? where its like a villain-skirting hunger-for-power stor#but sorcerer!adaine would be a bit heavier on the isolation. while warlock!adaine would be more on the uh. dependence?#Im just spitballin there really since I set on artificer!adaine I havent really thought That much abt other class swaps lol#I just love artificer!adaine so much bc that whole late-90-early-2k genre is sooo about Double Life etc#dork by daylight but dangerous criminal rebel on the webs#the ultimate nerd power fantasy. by knowing how to type u can change the world and kill people#I think there is a chance she'd multiclass into sorcerer later on tho! I can see that in her arc#theres also something abt like how arcanotech is very uh like. material? in a different way than how wizardry is in fh#adaine was still supplied with wizard materials in freshman year (until she killed her dad I assume) but if she got into artificing#that'd be entirely self-provided. and I like what that means for adaine's situation it'd be Great#she'd be like that death note scene with the drawer if it's awesome#I just realized all of my class swap stuff has the same theme of ''what if I make them Way Worse'' lmao#worse as in different and deep issues. worse also as in more annoying (this is awesome to me)#artificer!adaine would be SO cringe and she DESERVES to be as cringe as she wants to be and nobody's judgement holds any meaning#to her anymore. this is my artificer!adaine propaganda based on that movie starring young scarlet johansson idk I never watched it
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Touching Base
Just a little Roommates/Cellmates AU oneshot because they live in my head like how Cell lives in Felps' apartment: rent-free. (Also because I am procrastinating on bigger projects rn.) (What who said that.)
Takes place a couple years after the events of Miss Me? and Shared Living Space. Cell has officially started going by Cellbit, a relatively recent development. He still sleeps on the couch, but that's mainly because the second "bedroom" in the apartment is used for Felps' storage and both of them dread having to clear it out. He has a job and puts most of that money towards groceries, new clothes, and therapy. Felps---finally working at a station where his superiors don't hate his guts---covers pretty much everything else.
(TWs: discussions of killing/murder, light allusions to suicide in a joking manner (they're fine, someone's just being dramatic). they are having a conversation that is oh so very normal for two friends to have yesyes. tbh this was supposed to be way more light hearted but then the angst. the angst...)
Key ring dangling from his finger, Cellbit shoulders his way through the apartment door, juggling a box of redstone bulbs, a stack of spam mail, and the library book that doesn’t quite fit in his over-full messenger bag. “Felps?”
There's no verbal answer, but over the back of the couch, Cellbit sees a tired hand rise and wave. There’s a dull whump when it drops back down.
Cellbit, taking this and the fact that the TV isn't even on, raises an eyebrow. "Long day?" There's a muffled groan in response, and that's all Cellbit needs to hear to get the gist of it. He wiggles his keychain off his finger and into the dish before shutting the door behind him with his foot and heading to the table, where he dumps off his things. Hands free, he slips his bag off his shoulder and sits down to take off his work boots. Once he's got them off, he takes a moment to slump back in the chair, relief washing over his aching back and shoulder, before he picks himself up and heads over to see what the situation is.
The situation, it seems, is as follows: Felps is lying on his back on the couch, still wearing his uniform, with a pillow pressed into his face like he's trying very, very hard to smother himself with it.
Cellbit sits himself down on the floor with his side against the foot of the couch, right by Felps. He plants an elbow on the cushions and drops his chin into the heel of his hand. "So. Who do I need to kill?"
Felps groans again and shifts the pillow off his face just enough to free his mouth. "Me. Kill me, please. Kill me. Literally just kill me."
"Ehhh," Cellbit says. "You know, I did that once, and you didn't like me very much after that."
"Cellbit I am begging you. You'd be doing me a favor."
"Mm, no. I don't think so." He pokes one of the fingers Felps has dug into the cushion. "Now come on—a name, an address. Give me something to work with here, Felps."
Felps sighs and finally yanks the pillow off his face, flipping his hands around and throwing it into his lap. His hair is a complete, frazzled mess, though Cellbit supposes that's the least of his worries. "No one's getting killed. This isn't a problem you can fix by killing someone."
"Except for you?"
"Except for me."
"Okay. So what happened?"
Felps makes a pained noise and digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. At least he's not suffocating this time. "Davi," he mumbles.
Cellbit blinks. Usually, he has a hard time keeping all of the names of Felps' coworkers, friends, and acquaintances straight in his head since there's so many of them, but this one registers immediately. He takes this in, looks at Felps agonizing on the couch, thinks back onto what Felps told him the other day, does some rapid mental math, and comes to the conclusion that maybe the situation actually could be fixed by killing someone. Potentially.
But before that thought can properly start, Felps flicks him against the temple. "Hey, no plotting. I'm serious."
"Plotting?" Cellbit echoes, oh-so-perplexed. "I wasn't plotting. Who said anything about plotting?"
"Cellbit."
"Who said anything about plotting the murder of the hot guy at the train station who rejected your friend after he spent two weeks working up the courage to ask him out? I sure didn't."
"Cellbit," Felps says, insistent. Cellbit stops, but only because Felps wants him to, and only because he’s joking. Really. "It's fine. It's my fault anyway. I totally fucked it up. I got the timing all wrong, and—" Felps breaks off into another horrified sound, dragging his hands down his face. "God, it was so bad. I don't want to talk about it."
"Alright. Anything I can do? That doesn't involve killing you?"
Felps pauses. He peeks at Cellbit from behind his hands. "...Grab the remote for me?"
Cellbit snorts. "Sure." He gets up (swallows a grunt; fuck, his shoulder's being funny) and grabs the remote off the TV stand. When he comes back, Felps has managed to get his-wallowing-self into an upright position so Cellbit can collapse back into the sofa beside him.
Cellbit clicks on the TV. "What're we feeling?"
"Pain."
"I mean what do you feel like watching, dumbass."
"Literally anything," Felps says with a wave of his hand.
"Right… So if I put on Blood on the Taiga—"
"Parkour tag."
"Okay, parkour tag it is."
They start to chat a little as Cellbit flicks through the minigame channels, looking for one that's broadcasting parkour tag: ("How was work at the station?" "Were the docks busy today?" "Did that warrant finally get processed?" "Is your shoulder still bothering you?" "You should probably change out of your uniform." "You should probably take a shower." "In a bit, my back has to unbreak itself first.")
It doesn't take him long to find a channel, so they end up talking through part of the first round, swapping the work updates they usually provide each other. After that, they settle in, feet up on the coffee table, shoulders pressed together. Cellbit watches the teams trade off "runners" and "hunters." Felps usually roots for the team in the blue and green jerseys, but it doesn't seem like they're playing today. Still, these teams aren't half-bad. The tall one on the red-orange team is a good hunter, Cellbit idly notes. She's light on her feet.
It's at the start of the third round that Felps speaks up again.
"So. Hypothetical question for you."
Cellbit watches the good-hunter spring off a piston-platform. "Alright."
"And this is completely hypothetical. One hundred percent, utterly hypothetical."
"Okay."
"I'd never genuinely ask this of you."
"Sure."
The good-hunter drops down a ladder, missing a tag on a runner by a hair's breadth. The squeak of her sneakers echoes through the arena.
"...If I told you I needed you to kill someone for me, would you actually do it?"
Cellbit tilts his head. The good-hunter whirls around a corner and swings herself up onto another platform. "Yeah."
He feels more than sees Felps startle beside him. "...R...Really?"
"Yeah."
"Just like that?"
"Well, like I said earlier, I'd need, like, a name. An address if you can get it. At least a general location—"
"No, no, I mean..."
Felps falters, and Cellbit takes his eyes away from the game to look up at him. Felps is staring right back, a furrow in his brow.
"...You wouldn't even question it? Or hesitate?"
Ohhh. Cellbit understands now. The morals. He was asking about the morals. "Well," starts Cellbit. He pauses. Then, he drags his feet over to the edge of the couch, legs curled up, in front of his chest. The position makes his back ache, but the rest of him feels better this way. He hangs his arms over his knees. He stares at the TV, but he's not really sure who's hunting and who's running anymore.
He sighs. "...The way I see it—you would never ask me to kill someone unless they actually deserved it. I think it would take a lot for you to decide someone needs to die, then a lot more to tell me to kill them because...you know me. I'll get it done. And I won't half-ass it either."
And if they hurt you, Cellbit thinks, with a sudden, rising fury, I'll kill them dead. I'll make it hurt. Carve their throat out with my teeth. They'll be begging for the Void long before I'm through with them.
But he lets that one go on an exhale, lets it pass wordlessly between his lips, before it can get too far. He flexes his hands, loosening them. "But..." he continues, scraping together the courage to say the rest. "You also know I'm trying not to— You know I'm better about that now. Past it. Moving past it. And you're—" He falters. His tongue darts over his lip. He bites it. "You're generally helpful in that regard, so..."
"...You don't think I'd ask you to do something that would ruin your progress unless it was serious," Felps finishes.
"Yeah." Cellbit tilts his head to either side, cracking his neck, and flexes his hands again. God, his therapist would be so fucking proud of him.
"Okay." Felps clears his throat. "Sorry if that made you uncomfortable, I just—the thought wouldn't leave me alone, and..."
"No, no, it's—it's fine. It's a good question to ask. Making sure we're on the same page, and all that. Touching base. Getting caught up. Just like we always do."
"Right," Felps says. "Just like we always do."
A beat.
"But I wouldn't. Ask that of you, I mean. I'd never ask you to kill someone for me."
"I know," Cellbit replies easily. "I heard you the first time."
(And Cellbit trusts Felps to stick to his word. Honestly, he does. But the issue—or perhaps the best part, depending on how much he wants to disappoint his therapist—is that Felps wouldn't even have to ask. In no universe would Felps ever have to ask.)
"...Oh. Okay."
"Okay."
The conversation hangs in the air, gradually dissipating. Slowly, Cellbit manages to recenter his attention on the game of parkour tag. Round four. She's hunting again, though this is her last hunting round. After that, she'll be stuck as a runner for the rest of the tournament. Felps rests his head on Cellbit's shoulder as the alarm blares and the competitors are released from their chambers. Cellbit nestles his cheek in Felps' curls. The final hunt has begun.
#i need to watch more cellbitvods and felpsvods of the early days on the server#just so i can get a better feel for their dynamic once they're on quesadilla island (felpsespecially. im winging his characterization.)#tho this is still a couple years off from the start of the canon story (if my math is right. which it may not be. it's late.)#tbh what i have down for their ages is still kinda iffy but as of rn c is 20 and f is 22ish during Miss Me?#theyre like. practically babies. for the shit they've gone through. if you think abt it.#my writing#lord knows if i'll put this on ao3#Cellmates/Roommates AU#Little Dagger AU#my fics
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yall i say this w/as much love in my heart as possible but PLEASE do not come in my inbox and ask me if i still like sun and moon, when im gonna post more of them, if i hate them?? do i hate sun and moon??? guys!!! i jump from one hyperfixation ta the next!! thats always been the case w/my blog 😭
im fixated on springtrap rn! im sorry if you dont like it, but im not making art for you im making art for me and if you enjoy it thats a bonus! im not obligated ta create art for you!!!
#do i hate sun n moon???? really???#spacie spoinks#gamers im hyperfixated!!!#i still like them they're just not on my mind rn!!!#its normal shit!!!!!#its fine when ppl are like: 'hey id like ta see more of these funky guys' but when asks get beyond that its really imposing#PLEASE dont be like this im begging#goodness gracious#what is up w/ppl on the internet and thinking that if u dont post abt smthn frequently you no longer like it like WHAT!!!!!#PLEASE have some respect for me and other artists. we're not here ta cater ta your desires
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Would anyone like an analysis about why I think Onyx from Boy Girlfriend is transfem/bigender/genderqueer
#like ik theyre insecure abt being a guy cuz they thought keane wouldnt love them unless they were a girl but i think theres more to it#also SORRY THE WAY I PUT THE “IM ONYX” PANEL AFTER THE “IM NOT TRANS” PANEL MAKES IT LOOK LIKE THEY JUST TRANSFORMED OR SOME SHIT#also i dont think they're binary trans cuz i think they still are a guy but also potentially partially a girl#AHGGGBGBGHHGH#boy girlfriend#< CMON EVEN THE TITLE#and its still labeled as a “bl” story so obv not fully a girl#i think mostly a guy? idk im confused ill have to read it all again#but the line “shes a REAL girl” implies they see themselves as “a 'fake' girl” aka STILL “a girl”#and the “even both” line from keane would feel unnecessary if onyx was completely cis. u get what i mean??? it might be there for a reason#btw for context theyre crossdressing cuz keane asked them to cuz reasons and while onyx makes it seem like they hate it#they were girly as a kid but stopped presenting that way due to being bullied and also cuz their dads an abusive queerphobic asshole#so i dont think they hate presenting that way theyre just scares of what others think#and obv being feminine ≠ being a girl. but KEANES “EVEN BOTH” LINE CMON YALL#webtoon#boy girlfriend webtoon#they just want to feel loved#edit: and the fact that they reallyy felt the need to know for SURE keane likes them just as much even as a guy makes me believe again theyr#e not binary trans theyre still partially a gyy
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Genuine thought as a fellow trans dude, I’ve seen a lot of (obviously non-serious) questions on other blogs about characters’ genitals such as “how does it look like?” and similar, and I think we all know & understand that such questions are extremely inappropriate to ask and (I hope) no one would actually go around asking these questions irl. Idk, I think we should treat trans characters just like cis ones, without any special “precautions”, so to normalise them and not make cis people treat them like fragile boxes, a thing which happens to a lot of us irl. Hope this doesn’t come off as an attack or anything lol.
no worries, i didn't take this as an attack at all. i actually agree with you, that's why i mentioned feeling conflicted about it and also mentioned that i've changed my stance on how i felt about handling Noel and Clementine in game and in explicit intimate scenes.
however, for me the problem comes from the fact that people... don't ask these kinds of questions about cis characters? i suppose people do get cheeky "who is the biggest 🤪" asks but i would hardly compare the two. to be a bit crude, no one is going to be asking if a cis character has a dick or not, or "what does it look like". of course it's natural for people to be curious, and i honestly encourage the open discussion and am happy to see trans bodies being talked about more in a positive way, but not everyone is going to be comfortable with it due to the inescapable transphobia online and in the community. sending me that kind of ask is like sending out an invitation for a debate or a discussion that i don't necessarily want to have. i also just don't think people should default to asking a random IF author on tumblr dot com to describe what bottom growth looks like.
and with most of these asks typically coming from someone who is anonymous, i have no way of truly knowing what the tone is, what their intentions are or why this is being asked - is it another trans person? or maybe someone who is just genuinely curious? or, more likely in my experience, is it someone who is going to immediately follow up this message with something transphobic after i answer? do i want to roll the dice and find out?
so while i agree with what you're saying, it's important to consider the context and the reality we live in. the IF community is not kind to trans people or trans characters. and as a trans person, my first priority is protecting myself and my mental health. so what i mean when i say "precautions," is that those precautions are for me, because i've had to deal with transphobic harassment here for years now, and i try to mitigate it as much as i can. it's also for my personal comfort - again, to be blunt, i'm simply just not comfortable discussing a trans character's genitals with anonymous strangers on the internet. it makes me feel vulnerable.
also i do want to say i didn't mean for any of that to come across as a dig at other authors - if you're comfortable answering those kinds of questions, that's really only something you can decide for yourself. like i said, this is just coming from my own experiences in IF and for my own personal comfort - i have previously talked a lot about trans stuff and gender and sexuality here, when i'm feeling up to it, but it is something that is very draining for me and can also be very upsetting.
basically: i do agree that it's important not to other trans characters or treat them any differently than cis characters, but i also think there are ways to do it that don't require me answering invasive questions or questions that i don't feel comfortable with as a real life trans person, you know what i mean?
#hopefully this better explains what i was trying to say#again no worries anon i've had this exact conversation before with other trans people#and it's something that i don't think has a perfect solution esp with the current... climate#and especially online with the anonymity it makes these topics really touchy. you don't know who is reading this or who is interacting#if it's sincere or in bad faith#things have changed a lot in the IF community for the better but it's still not safe and i always advocate for an author to protect#themself first#back when i started tnp it was not at all common for ppl to list characters as cis#really it was only nb or trans characters that got listed in that way#and it's why i chose not to do that and why i wanted the player to find out lea and merry was trans at the same time as the hunter#same with noel and clem and their privacy#giving them that agency was important to me#and it's still important to me now#but i got a lot of harassment because of that. the lea reveal didnt even end up in game it was on the blog and it was weeks of harassment#afterwards that still makes me anxious to this day whenever i talk about lea's transness#so basically like. it comes down to what someone is comfortable with and what they're mentally able to handle#edit: thinkin abt it more &im going to be honest if someone sent me an ask that said ‘what does it look like’ i would be very Not Happy#like cis people & cis characters do Not get treated that way so why would i allow it for my trans characters#so i stand by saying that these asks are inappropriate like. i obviously dont know the context of what ur referencing#but that’s a hard no from me personally either way#to me as a trans person that question in itself is othering and objectifying#ask#anonymous
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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i haven't forgotten abt that poll i made at the start of summer, i've just been thinking how to properly introduce things
#my art lol#fukase vocaloid#i'll just keep it at that i think. this is just a silly doodle anyways#technically ig the fukases here all cover the existing fukases in those poll options? 3 special ones and normal fukase covers the 2 generic#talking abt my shits is always so harddd b/c they have different stories but i never give them like different names or anything 😭😭#so its hard to distinguish them apart (in text mostly) b/c they're all just fukase. hakjshkjg 😭😭#ok to be fair i never have any idea what % robot vs. human my guys are in my hcs (unless in a story i specify they're 100% human or smthn)#but at least in comparison to most other fukases this one's particularly robotic. he's still part human but we'll get to that#i should prob revise that plot a lil bit b/c i dont know if its that goood but again we'll see we'll see.#the others have their storylines p solid for the most part tho#im talking crazy to myself nobody has like any idea what im referring to. hakjhjhdjk this is why its so hard to talk abt this 😭😭
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not to be ungrateful but i don't get paid enough at my job lol
#the problem with jobs that people do bc they love the work is that it doesn't pay well and you will be overworked to death#genuinely couldn't quit bc i love the kids too much already but 15 an hour is....not ideal tbh....#how am i supposed to make future plans in these conditions#i cant ask for a raise ive only worked here 3 months but ugh#the only reason i got hired is i finally broke my rule abt the minimum hourly rate i was willing to accept#i applied to the two 14-16 an hour jobs and used the one i already accepted to get this one to gove me 15 instead of 14#but that's still not a lot tbh#need to buy an oven since we havent had a working one since january#and i keep gping ok next time i get paid i will buy an oven#and it hasnt happened yet#and i need.....17k to invest in starting my own business and i will not see a return on that for a very long time 😭#and i have no idea where that money will be coming from lol#fortunately its not that time sensitive except it kind of needs to happen in the next year or two probably but idk#if i dont do what i need to do idk what will happen but i think the issue will become more expensive but also maybe less expensive#but also uglier and make my neighbors mad#but i have no choice but to wait bc i have no money for that lol#anyway#17k is my immediate expense but i also need to come up with the money to eventually buy my parents house somehow#and i dont even make enough to pay the mortgage 😭#fortunately i dont need to do that for a long time but...eventually#anywayssss#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#i do love working with kids but jts hard work and all my coworkers are petty and hate eachother so its a lot#and i dont make enough money to live fr#im so lucky i live w my parents bc nobody at my job makes enough to live on their own lol#also the sheep that are supposed to be clearing brush got sick and went back to their farm and they're not coming back this year at all#so we need to brush hog it#or contract another farm#im not sure if its even safe w their poop all over the place snd im not getting any communication from the farmers#but it lowkey might be better to get our own sheep but thats so much work i dont want to think abt doing livestock
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