#they're like a week old and i'm still thinking of ways to differentiate them from the characters they're based on

[nucifaerie]

i've had a terrible week and like. thank god for my ocs.

[annab99awritersdream]

For the fanfic ask game (second attempt)

🌝

🧠

🌈 (for Lady of Ithilien)

🌝 Who is one character you haven't yet written for that you would like to?

Since the question does not differentiate between OCs and canon characters, I'm going to go with the latest OCs I've created aka Finduilas of Lamedon (daughter of Angbor the Fearless and Faramir's second wife) and their daughter Faelivrin also known as "my sweet angel Fae".

I'm trying to include Finduilas in the one-shots for Tolkien OC week but as of now I've written nothing about her. I do, however, have some ideas.

She was born in TA 3007-3008 (she's several years younger than Faramir. I'm not good at math, but since Faramir was born in TA 2983, I suppose she's 24-25 years his junior) and she's the youngest of five sisters that are all settled down with children. Her father is desperate because she's been consistently refusing every marriage proposal she's received since he was a teenager—she really didn't want to marry, I guess—and now she's considered way too old to be a bride of interest by the vast majority of people. Because of something that happens in chapter 4 (no spoilers), Aragorn sets them up and has them married (it's actually Enna's idea but I will say nothing more about that). It's an arranged marriage and I think it will be interesting to explore that dynamic, especially when Finduilas comes to realize that Faramir is infatuated with a certain Haradrim noblewoman who also happens to be the mother of his son's best buddy. (I also cannot wait to write about those two babies. Baby Elboron and Baby Selim are literally the cutest).

Another character I am looking forward to writing about (someone who is not a Maiarin character or included in Enna and Eönwë's family) is definitely Faelivrin. Fae is just...Enna's mini-me without Enna's mental problems. If you were looking for an unproblematic Enna...that's Fae for you. She will go through her fair share of troubles but it's mostly because:

-she adores her older sis and is constantly worried about her, especially when Enna starts getting pregnant every couple of months.

-She falls in love with either someone from Rohan or Harad (though I'm leaning more toward Harad) and has to have Enna's approval to marry.

Nevertheless, she adores both her siblings and Selim (he's technically not a brother but he's always been around so he's basically family anyway. I think Enna's growing affection toward Selim will be the key that eventually makes her approve of the marriage—Eönwë could technically step in and solve the matter but he chooses to stay out of it since it's a matter between sisters)

Faceclaim for Finduilas: Laura Berlin as Emma of Normandy (Vikings: Valhalla)

Faceclaim for Fae: Isla Merrick-Lawless (The Spanish Princess)

I'll include them in the character profile spreadsheets soon! I'm still looking for someone as adult Fae but I am mainly torn between Esmahan Sultan (Magnificent Century)

And another Esmahan Sultan (Magnificent Century)

The second Esmahan is probably more fitting. Too bad she only appears in the very last MC episode and there are no gifs of her.

🧠 What's an idea you have that you can't quite call a WIP yet?

Oh, that's basically the whole plot of Estel i Hína, the planned sequel to LOI, and it's also the plot of Nyerénya... Namárië!, which is the First Age fic I've been thinking about and the main reason why I've decided to include some Fëanorians in LOI. I have a general idea as far as Estel i Hína goes (it will be about Elenwë's remaining children—yes, I'll probably end up killing a few of them off. Mairon certainly won't spare them just because they're cute—and their children aka Elenwë's grandkids). I have only two planned at the moment: Elanna and Fionwë, Mírion's children. I don't know whether they'll return to Middle-earth. The story might be fully set in Valinor. Who knows.

As far as the First Age fic...I only know Enna is Hiril's daughter (Beren's sister that was later scrapped. She's thus related to Lúthien, Thingol and all of those people. I think Morgoth will have her captured, but I have no idea what I'll come up with. I think Eönwë will show up at the very end and I'm digging the idea of her being in love with a Fëanorian, but I really cannot tell you much about it as I don't really know what the fic will be about specifically. This will be it, I suppose. Enna existing in Beleriand and suffering at the hands of Morgoth. Seems pretty straightforward to me. 😂

🌈 What inspired you to write [The Lady of Ithilien]?

I actually have to mainly credit you @lucifers-legions & @saurongorthaur9.

Garo Estel (read it y'all) was one of the very first fics (if not the very first) that caught my attention on AO3. Before that, I didn't even know what AO3 was (I joined in March 2023). I don't exactly remember how I discovered the fic but I loved it right away and couldn't stop reading it.

The same applied and still applies to @saurongorthaur9's Gorthauro Estel, which is an absolutely amazing piece of writing. Check this one out too, people. Garo Estel and Gorthauro Estel. Trust me.

Both fics inspired me to write my own and then I had an idea for a one-shot as I was writing an original thing which is now on hiatus...the rest is history.😂

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING IN THE ASK!

[insanelyadd]

Deeply amused that the parasites are initially presented as a terrible and creepy threat who have taken over literally every other monster in the Underground in a sort of radical zombie apocalypse, yet when they're trying to take over Papyrus and he makes a number of demands, their response is 'we literally cannot say no or We Will Die. You're seeking a way to separate your brother from one of our own, which may result in said parasite dying, but we still have No Choice But To Agree.' It's a tragic situation that Fly and his brother were brought to this point to begin with but it's very morbidly humorous to me.

Yeah, I mean. They're my own parasites I get to say what they can and can't do. I say that they're weak lil bitches when confronted with two chronic insomniacs. Lucky for them the people they couldn't manage to possess Also aren't. You know. Insane people who want to kill everyone who's possessed.

These parasites take over through a calculated attack. They communicate to get the exact number of people they need to possess and plan who should be infected first by observing the patterns of intended targets for a short time. They likely figured everyone but those two guys who will have to sleep eventually is fine.

Mostly I chose this powerset because it was needed for the story I wanted to tell and the outcome I wanted. Also because I wanted to differentiate them from canon Fresh who I don't think has any restrictions to who they can possess. Human, monster, asleep, awake, willing, not. Don't think it's ever been stated who they can't possess, excluding soulless people.

Someone on deviantart mentioned Flowey hiding and you know what. That's fair. Flowey probably is losing his mind. Then again I set this pre-canon by a good while (Papyrus isn't wearing his battle body which is at least two weeks old). So you could just interpret it as him not having woken up yet, or not having been made. If he just isn't awake yet. Man. He's going to be real confused about his parents huh gbdsjkgdbsjgkdsfbk

But anyways.

Papyrus is just really cool and powerful and even though we all know he would never kill them it's a better chance for everyone else if they let him fuck off into the multiverse hoping the parasite will kill him by letting it feed off of him for long enough (another thing specific to this parasite is that essentially the parasites can live the entire lifespan of that monster in the same body as long as they don't put unnecessary strain on the soul - like traveling the multiverse - the opposite is implied to be true for the OG Fresh, where the possessed person will probably die sooner or later. Spoilers though, I am making the parasite and Papyrus become friends. Not in this comic, just, that's how it goes after the fact. CQ once stated that the more Fresh possesses one person the more it can feel (not sure if that still applies) so I'm going to have the same apply here, but them communicating through Papyrus' soul will definitely make that worse/speed it up. So they're besties. Wouldn't be the first time Papyrus has befriended a soulless creature.)

[skittsyteacup]

Tw vent (mention of sh/our beloved slide iykwim)

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Im so despairwd rn. I love being honest with my friends. I hate lying. I hate intentionally misleading people without them knowing in what could be a harmful way. But what choice do I have, really. I'm not going to burden some 15 yr olds with the fact I think about hurting myself every time I do something wrong in my eyes or feel dejected or ignored. I can't just tell them 'oh yeah yk when I said I only think about doing it when something really bad happens on a really really bad day? LMAO jk I think about it every week‼️‼️ so silly'. How do I explain that I'm petrified of a relationship and being confessed to to her?? For the record, I'll be mentioning different people differentiated via pronouns. Anyway I can't just tell someone I almost threw up from fear and anxiety a few minutes ago because I thought I might have rabies (spoiler, I don't think so? I can drink water). I don't know a good way to tell my best friend that I can't confide in them and they aren't my most trusted person with stuff like that. For the record we're physically 17. They're newish 15. I don't know a good way to explain how I'd love to tell them everything and be so honest but every time I think about it I get sick at the thought of them feeling how I did. When I was 15, 14, 13, younger. They've got so many burdens already and they don't need to tell me I'm one of them. I already know that. And I get it's part of being social and having relationships but I can't help but feel shit about it. I feel helpless with my mind, I can't be left alone for a minute without wallowing in some kind of despair.

If they see this (doubtful,) then hi. I want to be able to tell you things, when I said I was running myself up a wall I wish I could tell you what I mean. You're asleep so it doesn't matter so much right now. But it's not because you're young, have pressure on top of pressures on you, or because I don't think you can handle it. It's because I can't find it in myself to hate you like that. It takes some kind of trust and something to put that kind of responsibility onto someone. It's almost like a hatred to expose someone to the inner machinations of this thing we call the brain. I don't want you to pity me and I know you would. If I were to answer truthfully when you ask me to. If when we were at dinner I was honest. To for once be totally honest, I'm not doing ok. I won't be. I have no one to unload this on comfortably because it's straining to talk to friends family or even strangers about it and the threat of being thrown into some place if Im honest with the counselor is another thing.

I'm about to get descriptive so get off now when you can.

I called a friend by their real name in a comment section earlier today. I hadn't taken my prozac so my anxiety or general feelings have been as they were for weeks, since I'm out. I deleted the comment obviously and replaced it with their online name but in the moment of pure fear and anxiety I felt horrible. I thought my spine would rupture out of my body with some mind of its own. My veins felt like worms in my skin, I had to claw them out, how I didn't I don't know. I felt so cold and hot at the same time. My fingers feel like they're moving so slow like I'm rusty or something. I almost threw up. I know that's not normal, to want to rip every system out. I profusely apologizef and I still feel like absolute shit. This isn't normal or ok. I'm so grossed out by my urges. I can't stand how I get around anyone even myself. I suppose these stand as some kind of document of my grief.

I can't stand being alive, I can't stand fucking up ever, I can't stand being careful about myself. What if I said every urge out loud? What if I gave into my habits? What then? You'd all hate me. I know you would, that's not just my paranoia. My blood is some kind of dirty sin and I have to get it out. I wonder how I haven't broken my shaving stuff yet. I won't. Not today. I probably need to sit down and talk to my friends but I don't fucking know how. They're all younger than me. Is it even ok to? They're all 15 or younger. I know the burden and fear of knowing you could wake up one day and they could be dead. They could've done something bad. Maybe they aren't eating anymore. Maybe they almost did something. That's a fear that eats away at you because you're too young to do anything. I need to have a talk with them but where would I. No where is safe. Their house, it's akward. Others house, there's stairs and they can't get up those yet and it'll be awkward., my house, no can do someone's always home and if they hear me they'll treat me all crazy again and I might just fucking kill myself if they do that. No one knows any of this. And if I mention I need to have a talk with them and we can't do one that'll eat away at their mind with curiosity. One on ones might be awkward plus if hanging out, which we always are, how do I go about that? I'm so stressed with this shit. I regret living past the things I shouldn't of. I get it's selfish of me- or it is according to my mom. I don't even like my mom. I cry thinking about how I couldn't save her younger self. But I try to reassure myself that her actions don't deserve forgiveness just because she's been through it. She had time to change but she hasn't. I feel like throwing up. Maybe I'm sick. Maybe it's almost my period. Idk. If there's a god, help me. I don't care. I'm not devote, I won't be a good servant or apostle, but I'm loyal to my cause and I keep promises when I can. I can be a dog if you keep my family ok. I just want to be happy, but I want everyone to be happy more so.

The only highlight this month really is apparently I helped them realize what friends are like. True friends. I feel nice about it mostly but I fear I'm misleading.

And I have a fear of being scary to people I know. I promise I'm not heartless or careless or selfish like they all said. Believe in me, please. Love me unconditionally. I will be your most trusted and beloved hound. I'll beckon your every command if you just love me. If you trust me.

I get why people don't trust me don't get me wrong. I'm not exactly a good person. I've stolen, lied, yelled, mocked, judged, etc. if heavens real ill never know. I feel eternally damned. I don't know how to end these posts either

[lordofthenerds97]

Fast Cars and Freedom

1/? Dr. Feelgood 

Masterlist

Prompt: "I can't keep fighting like this." @dacremontgomerylover

Summary: A Siren. A creature from the depths of the ocean who lures a sailor to their death by her beautiful voice and appearance. But like those creatures, not everything is as it seems. Billy Hargrove finds himself settled in the crap town of Hawkins during his senior year. The guys are all idiots and the girls are nothing but desperate. Quickly bored to tears, a reserved and domineering girl grabs his attention. He doesn’t know anything about her, but she knows everything about him. And she more than earned the nickname the school's population had given her.

Words: 2,281

Rating: T+

June, 1984

The sound of the shrill hiss of the bell cut through the chatter of the students, abruptly ending their conversations as they made their way to their classes, albeit at a snail's pace. The first day of school, and everyone was moving slowly. None of them wanted to face the harsh reality of the education they were expected to have. But nevertheless, the students moved in a wave and an onlooker wouldn't be able to differentiate one person from another. But one head stood out among all the rest, her fiery red hair glinting in the light that streamed down from the windows above the lockers. She stuck close to the never ending wall of lockers, her arms clutching her History and Biology textbooks close to her chest. There was a noticeable bubble of space around her, people throwing cautious glances in her direction as they moved to their classes. She didn't mind, in fact, she rather liked the bubble that she had. It gave her less of a chance to come in contact with anyone else. She wasn't much of a people person, and the fact that most people either ignored her or stayed away was perfectly fine with her. 

There were a couple exceptions, of course. She had a very small circle of friends and she kept them close to her whenever she could. 

But one of those friends had been missing for a good long while. 

Barbara Holland. 

She had disappeared last year and no one had heard from her since. 

She jumped when she felt a hand on her back, turning her light green eyes to see Johnathan coming up beside her. She gave him a soft smile when he grinned at her, his brown hair falling in his eyes. 

"Hey." 

"Hey, yourself." she responded. 

"How are you? I haven't seen you in what feels like weeks." he said, almost bringing them to a complete stop. 

She bit her lip, eyes darting away from him. She had purposely been staying off the radar. After everything that happened last year, she wasn't sure she wanted to be seen. Nancy, Steve, Johnathan, the kids, and herself had been through a lot. She needed some time to process it all, and her mind decided to shut down to do it. When that happened, she preferred to be away from the prying eyes of Hawkins High. That always seemed to be a never ending battle, seeing as she had recently been thrust into the spotlight. 

Nancy and Steve seemed to go back to their normal routine. Though, it appeared that the events of the Upside Down weighed heavily on Nancy's conscience despite everything that Steve had told them both. She had shut herself away from the majority of the school's population, much like herself. 

She blinked when she saw a hand waving in front of her face. 

"Ari? You still with me?" 

The redhead blinked again, turning back to Johnathan. He had managed to keep her from entirely shutting down. He was insistent on taking her out, keeping her mind occupied. He would take her to the movies, rock climbing, hiking, or for a photography drive. Things she loved doing that would momentarily take her mind off of everything else. He was the one that turned out to be her rock, and she tried to return the service. He was one of her best friends, and she appreciated him more than he knew. 

"Yeah," she said after a moment, clearing her thoughts. She caught a glimpse of Tina passing out fliers before turning her full attention back to Johnathan. "Sorry. Just a bit...distracted." 

This time, he did stop them, laying his hands gently on her shoulders. "Talk to me, Ari. You're not gonna shut down again." 

She smiled, nodding. "No, I won't." 

He still wasn't satisfied, and she knew it. But he dropped the subject with just a displeased look. "Why don't you come over for dinner tonight? Will would love to see you." 

That sent a pang of guilt through her heart. Like Will and Barbara, she had spent time in the Upside Down. She had seen and done things that still haunted her nightmares. If she wasn't forcing it out of her mind, she could still feel the sticky black blood coating her hands. But unlike Barbara, she came out of it relatively unscathed. She and Will had grown close in that darkened world as they both breathed in the same poisonous air. She had tried her hardest to keep them both sane and safe. For the most part, she succeeded. But she had been pulled out by Johnathan and Nancy, through the old twisted trunk of a tree. She had been pulled out before she could help Will. Before she could make sure he was properly safe from what he had called the Demogorgan. She had done a fair amount, but it was nowhere near good enough. He still suffered because she had left. 

She paused for a moment before answering. Since her return, her parents had hardly let her out of their sight. But, she figured, this would count for something. 

"Okay." she said. 

He smiled before nodding, putting an arm around her shoulders and heading down the hall. 

"Watch yourself, Byers." 

"Don't let her open her mouth." 

"You do realize she's dangerous, right?" 

"Dude, I heard she talked a guy into blowing his brains out." 

"I'm not surprised. She lives up to her name." 

Ari glared at the guys who threw insults in their direction. She almost bared her teeth in a snarl, taking a step forward. They jumped backwards and away, not wanting to be anywhere near her. She smirked as they tucked tail and ran in the opposite direction. Johnathan turned to her, concern once again taking over his features. 

"What's that about?" 

She shrugged. She had been considered an outcast before her three week disappearance. But, because of her looks, she still had jocks trying to get in her pants. She had a rather...interesting...way of dealing with them. But they didn't always take the hint. 

Therefore, she had earned her nickname. 

"Watch out for Siren, Byers. I don't want your kid brother to have to go through losing his brother." 

She rounded on the other guy, stalking towards him, books lying forgotten in the hall. Johnathan quickly grabbed her and and pulled her back, planting her firmly on the ground in front of him, his eyes searching hers. After a moment, her rage dissipated, leaving behind an exhausted expression before she rubbed her forehead and picked up her books. 

"Sorry." she muttered to her friend. She was sick and tired of being treated like the plague. She didn't mind if people avoided her, but it was the comments that really got to her. 

"Forget them. They're losers." 

She snorted in response, rolling her eyes and starting to walk to her class once again. She held her head high, ignoring the many eyes that followed her, their scrutinizing gazes ripping her apart. 

By lunch, she'd had enough. She gripped her messenger bag tightly as she stalked out of the school, her lips set in a thin line. She made her way towards the parking lot, weaving through the students that were in her way. She sighed as she found peace in her parking spot beside the old oak tree. She sank to the ground, leaning her back against her 1973 Harley Sportster. It wasn't long before she was joined by Will, who managed to sneak away for lunch. She grinned at him as he sat beside her, crossing his legs as he grabbed the sandwich out of the brown paper bag. She ruffled his hair before handing him the spare Coke that she kept in her bag. He took it without a word, nodding his thanks to her. 

She turned her head slightly when she heard footsteps approaching. By her count, it was a group of guys headed to their cars. She decided to pay them no mind, instead grabbing an orange from her bag. They had made it around the tree by the time she got it peeled, handing half of it to Will. He took it with a thank you around a mouthful of food.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" 

Ari stifled a groan when she recognized the voice of Tommy H. He was one of her biggest tormentors, and there were several others that followed his lead, seeming to hunt her in a pack. 

"Looks like two freaks hiding from us. Where's the stalker, Siren?" 

Ari glared at them before flashing a glance to Will. There was no way she was going to start something in front of him. But if worse came to worst, she would end it. 

"He's standing right beside you, Mason." she said, turning her gaze on the junior that stood to the left of Tommy. "Didn't you know? Tommy here has been following me around since we were kids. He's just pissed I won't give him what he wants." 

There was a chorus of 'ooooh's' that followed her statement, the eyes of his group turning on Tommy. He glared at Ari. 

"I didn't think you were allowed to be within five hundred feet of the Byers kid. What, I mean with you being the one that kidnapped him and all." 

Tommy leaned down and grabbed Will's arm, hauling him to his feet. 

"Get off me!" Will shouted. 

"Don't touch him!" Ari hissed, jumping to her feet and staring Tommy down. 

He snorted at her. "Some sicko you are. I'm just trying to keep the boy safe from the woman that held him against his will in the woods forever." 

"Let. Him. Go." she enunciated. She was protective of the youngest Byers boy, and she would go to the ends of the earth to keep him safe. And right now, Tommy was the one that was threatening his safety. Ari saw the tight grip he had on the twelve year old, and the way the Will glanced up at him in fear. The image made her blood boil and her vision turn red. But she couldn't afford to be the one to throw the first punch.

"What kind of sick bastard gets off on grabbing little kids, huh?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing. 

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Tommy jerked away from the kid as if he had been burned. He shoved the kid towards Ari, and Will wrapped his arms around her torso. Seeing the way Tommy wound up, she gently but quickly untangled herself from Will, preparing for the hit that she saw coming. She clenched her jaw and redistributed her weight. 

But before she felt the blow, a hand entered her line of vision, clamping down on Tommy's fist, stopping it in it's path. Surprised when the blow didn't come, Ari took a step backward when a denim clad figure stepped in front of her, shoving Tommy backwards. 

"There a problem here, gentlemen?" 

Will darted back to Ari, wanting to make sure she was fine. She put a hand on his head, ruffling his hair as she glanced down at him with a small smile. "Go back to class, Will." she said softly. 

He gave her a frown, not wanting to follow her order. But when he glanced at the other guys and back to her, he nodded cautiously. He quickly grabbed his bag and started sprinting towards the middle school. 

"No, Billy." 

Ari crossed her arms, glaring at the group of guys that had surrounded them. The one that stepped in front of her, apparently named Billy, stood with his hand son his hips as he talked with Tommy and the others. Deciding to bow out while she still had the chance, she grabbed her bag and almost disappeared into thin air as she headed back into the high school. 

"Dude, where'd she go?" Mason asked, pushing past Billy and looking around. 

Billy turned, a frown on his face, as his eyes scanned the area looking for her. His eyes narrowed as he spotted the head of bright red hair stepping into the building. 

By the time the school day was over, Ari's head was spinning. 

"Oh my God, have you seen the new kid?" 

"How could I not?" 

"He's such a dream." 

"I wouldn't mind a ride on that horse." 

"I heard he's got a record." 

"Where's he from?" 

"Cali, I think. I'd like to kiss that skin as much as the sun has." 

Johnathan caught up with her as she made her way out of the school, rubbing her forehead as she went. "Kill me now." she muttered. 

He chuckled, knocking his shoulder into hers. "Sorry, no can do, Red. You promised to come to dinner tonight. Besides, you didn't survive three weeks on your own to give up now." 

She rolled her eyes before Nancy came up to them. "Hey, you guys are going to Tina's party?"

Ari groaned. "You serious, Nance?" she asked. "You know I hate crowds." 

"I didn't get an invitation." 

Nancy rolled her eyes. "This is me inviting you, idiot. Come on, Ari." 

Ari frowned. "I don't know. I've got a lot of things to do." 

Nancy sighed. "Think about it?" 

"...fine." 

She and Johnathan quickly dove into a conversation, leaving Ari to fend for herself. She quietly excused herself, leaving her two friends behind as she walked back up to her motorcycle. Tightening the strap on her bag, she swung a leg over the body of the bike, pulling on her helmet as she did. She started the engine, smiling when she heard the familiar roar. She loved consistency, and the fact that she could always count on her bike made her cherish it even more. She glanced around before moving out of her parking spot, headed towards the road. But what she failed to notice was the blue Camaro parked a few spaces in front of her, the occupant watching as she moved. A cigarette dangled from his lips and smoke poured out if his nose as his keen eyes watched her. He watched until she turned into the highway, moving out of his line of sight. And he waited until the passenger door opened and the young redheaded girl plopped into the seat before stomping on the gas and skidding out if the parking lot. She cursed at him as she slammed the door shut, looking for the seatbelt that would undoubtedly save her life. "Are you insane?!" she demanded, gripping the door as he peeled onto the road. 

He quickly caught up to the black motorcycle, smirking as he did. The rider turned when she heard the roar of the muscle car behind her, which she was surprised was louder than the engine of her bike. He took the cigarette out of his mouth, letting it drop out of the window as he stepped on the gas, pulling up beside her in the opposite lane. But because of her tinted visor, he couldn't see the shocked expression that she wore as he recklessly drove beside her, traffic laws be da****. He motioned for the younger girl to toll down her window, which she grudgingly did. Billy leaned over the seat, pursing his lips as if blowing her a kiss before he sped up, passing her with the blaring of a rock band and the squealing of tires. 

Ari hit the brakes as he continued to speed away, her mouth dropping open. That was the guy that had all the other girls in an uproar? 

She shook her head, quickly putting the thought out of her mind as she turned down her street. She had a lot of buttering up to do on her parents, and she needed to start as soon as she could. 

She hadn't told them the full story of what had happened. They knew that she had been taken around the same time as Barbara, from the pool outside of Steve's house. They knew she was held with Will Byers. They knew that she kept them alive. 

But what they didn't know was how she did it. How she managed to prevent that monster from eating them. Or how she had abandoned Will when Johnathan and Nancy pulled her out. They didn't know of the blood that stained her hands, or the screams of terror that ripped from Will's throat. They didn't know how she got the scars that adorned her back and right shoulder. They didn't know about the ghost pain she experienced, still feeling the monster's thousands of teeth dig into her flesh. They didn't know about the nightmares that still plagued her, waking her in the middle of the night with her body covered in a cold sweat.

And she would never allow them to know. That burden was not theirs to bear. It was hers. 

She parked the bike inside the garage, taking off her helmet and allowing her naturally bright red hair to once again spill over her shoulders before handing the black helmet on the wall beside the bike. She plastered on a smile before walking into the house. 

This was her life. 

This was the never ending horror story of Aria Grey.

[hallmark-movie-fanatics]

Hallmark Networks' Chief Isn't Worried About Netflix's Push Into Holiday Movies

(Photographed by Jai Lennard - Bill Abbott was photographed Nov. 19 in his New York office.)

11/29/2018 by Michael O'Connell

"This is the content that you turn on when you want to get away from the noise and hysteria," top programmer Bill Abbott says, while also explaining why Hallmark — despite its "cheesy" stereotype — continues to increase its volume of Christmas movies (37 this year alone) and his networks' response to diversity problems.

Like Santa Claus in a C-suite, Crown Family Media Networks' Bill Abbott dictates how more than 72 million viewers will spend their holidays from his 22nd-floor office in midtown Manhattan. The schedule of the annual TV movie fest Countdown to Christmas, which runs on Hallmark channels through November and December, is detailed in red and green marker on a dry erase board — boasting 37 new titles for 2018, such as A Shoe Addict's Christmas and Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe. Call them cheesy if you must, but premiere telecasts alone are averaging audiences of more than 4 million this year.

After two decades at the cable arm of the privately owned greeting-card behemoth, half of which he's spent as president and CEO, the 56-year-old exec bucks cable trends with linear growth, a burgeoning SVOD service that just topped 500,000 subscribers and annual revenue now approaching a half-billion dollars. A handful of original drama series carry the load, but it's Christmas when Hallmark is No. 1 most nights on cable. In the midst of the holiday crunch, the married father of four — who still lives in his native Long Island with two dogs and "several cats" — acknowledges that Netflix is encroaching on his telepic turf. He does not seem terribly concerned, however.

Are you still increasing the volume of Christmas movies each year?

Yes. Twenty-two will air on Hallmark Channel and 15 on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries. Every one of those undergoes a thorough evaluation through the entire creative process. If one doesn't live up to what we believe our viewers' expectations are, we'll shelve it and we won't air it.

How often do you shelve a movie?

It happens a couple of times a year. I'm reluctant to use the word, but there was a certain cheesiness that went arm in arm with some of what we produced. We've worked hard to eliminate those stereotypical elements that prevented the content from rising to the level of popularity that it's since reached. If you disappoint viewers one week, it's very hard to get them back the second week. Relatively speaking, I would think that it's an equal financial hit to not picking up a pilot to series.

And how much of the annual budget goes to Christmas movies?

It's about 35 percent. We're very consistent with the model for our original productions. We believe that we can make a great movie for a certain amount, and we don't need to spend double, triple or quadruple to make it high quality. We're primarily driven by our ad sales, and our ad sales is fortunately humming along at a high growth rate.

When did you nail this model?

I would say that in 2014 we began to look at our content differently. We started Crown Media Family Productions, and that's allowed us to own the rights to many of the movies that we produce — not only domestically but internationally and for digital.

Hallmark has been criticized for how white its programming has been, but there's noticeably more inclusivity in this year's films. Is it a strong enough response?

We fell into a pattern of going back to the same people and didn't necessarily look outside the box. Producing movies in Canada, which is where the majority of our productions are made, did not help the cause. It's something that was on our radar long before we were taking criticism. But it's been fun to work with so many different talented, diverse actors who do bring something very different to the table. We feel very good about our slate this season.

Who do you consider your biggest competitor?

At this point, it's Lifetime — just given the volume of production and the target demographic. Moving forward, Netflix is investing quite a bit of money in content. Amazon as well.

Do you feel nervous about Netflix's move into the holiday movie space?

The brand is our differentiator. Our focus is in creating an experience where you can turn the TV on, feel comfortable and cook, decorate or do something holiday-related and that puts you in the spirit. There's no question that they're a huge competitor. And they've had a lot of success. But we believe that the way we create our content and the way we brand our experience is a completely different proposition.

Your slate of original series does incredibly well, but they lack the pop culture cachet that many lesser-watched cable shows get. Does that bother you?

We take note of that every week, and we find it very frustrating. I don't think that we get the type of recognition that we frankly deserve. We feel badly for our producers and talent who work so hard to create content that's viewed so widely and yet doesn't get nominated. A show like Chesapeake Shores, for example, is always in the top 10 on cable. It's not necessarily water-cooler talk on Monday morning in Los Angeles and New York, but in many other parts of the country, these are the dominant shows.

A lot of broadcasters took stock after the 2016 election. What's been your response?

We view ourselves as completely apolitical, so we don't really look to the tone of the country for how to program. Our goal is always to be more positive, to connect people. Regardless of where your political allegiances lie, this is the content that you turn on when you want to get away from the noise and the hysteria. I don't think you could correlate, which many people have tried to, the success of our channel with the election. That said, it certainly doesn't hurt when the tone is so negative — and "negative" is not a strong enough word.

Is there still room for library deals on Hallmark?

We're relying a lot less on our licensed series. That will continue to be the case over time. It's not necessarily a flip of the switch one day and they all disappear. On Netflix, as I understand it, the highest-rated content is Friends, Grey's Anatomy and The Office. The reality is that there is always going to be a place for classic content.

Like Murder, She Wrote?

Yes. (Laughs.) We have it on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries, and it still performs remarkably well. It's a timeless, well-constructed mystery, and the performances are spectacular.

A lot of people probably want to know how you spend the holidays.

Recovering from 37 movies!

(Tara Ziemba/Getty Images - Abbott, at a 2018 event with programming exec vp Michelle Vicary, is passionate about shows that promote animal adoption.)

Source: hollywoodreporter.com

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/hallmark-networks-chief-holiday-films-netflix-competition-1163954

[violetsystems]

#personal

After three boosters for Covid it is really hard to tell these days whether you are legitimately sick or plague ridden. Personally, it just feels like every other mild flu to me. I did stop wearing a mask recently which probably helps put me at risk. I hadn't been sick since I started wearing one. I'm by myself almost one hundred percent of the time so I've been quarantined since the start. I was away in the epicenter of it in New York on my birthday during fashion week in 2019 when it all started. Three years later nothing for any of us is the same really. And nobody wants to listen to our side of the story in the real world. Society keeps acting like it's fine either way for it's own benefit in a cultish sort of way. I was walking downtown Thursday in the sleet with a light jacket so that probably didn't help. I walked past my old job out of curiosity. Nobody recognized me. I had received an offer for a position in my inbox earlier in the week for a company that had the exact same name. It was nuts and not at all normal. At first glance, there was no way of differentiating it other than the email address ending in saic.com and not saic.edu. My dad didn't even pick up on it. He was like "Why didn't you take the offer? " Partially because it was weird like everything else but people are desperate to see everything as normal. I wanted to walk by my old work as a ping to my sanity. Is this all really acceptable to just brush off as coincidence? From a common sense perspective it isn't. We've all accepted a lot of abnormal shit and people like to gloss over and move on from it to escape assigning blame. Don't ruin it for everybody else. We're all in this together after all. It doesn't change that people like me out here still suffer from the ambiguity of things. That's my own fault they'd say. Questioning it from my perspective doesn't really solve anything. It just leads to more questions that I write about for sake of my own journaled narrative. I pretty much know some things for sure about where I'm headed and yet society wants to make it extra hard for me making me doubt it all. I had the sinking feeling something was going to happen with my coffee delivery. It's not really intuition when a new bad thing happens to you every day of the week. So as a precaution I went downtown to get a spare bag. And out of nowhere the next day, the delivery from the store I visited had gone awol. I was out there again in front of my mailbox watching both mail carriers take their time sorting the packages expecting me to hail them. In the past, I've confronted them straight up about things going missing. Because it's always my packages that disappear.

This time I just emailed customer support instead of getting involved in the spectacle. In the past there's been a knock on my door from a neighbor about their packages being wrongly delivered next door. To which I find myself going the extra mile and jumping the fence to retrieve it. Nobody ever returns the favor for me. They're always so self absorbed yet the first people to stare expectantly when they think you've done something wrong. People in this neighborhood watch me enough to know something isn't right. Nobody really does anything for me out here except make me the center of some online roasting party I'm unaware of. I deserve it after all because I'm privileged or something. This has been judged somewhere on some forum where I can't defend myself. And yet that's protected by freedom of speech in their mind. At the same time, everyone wants me to fight their own personal ideological battles out here. Hoping maybe I mention them on a blog nobody except my close friends read. Everybody is a bigger victim than me and is hellbent on cutting you off to tell you about it. And we measure our self worth out here by whose pain is more valid without due process, care or attention. We become victims by default and cower in the fact nobody can fix it. We're just supposed to huddle together and fill in the gaps that our taxes don't deliver on. And I do all this for free. I shovel the snow mainly because it keeps things mellow with my landlord. I have affordable housing. I have no promises in that regard. Legally, I probably have more rights if I got a lawyer. I could end all the suffering and just claim scorched earth. Apply for a job in Los Angeles and be done with it. I did apply for jobs. In France. In China. In New York. In Chicago. It's a constant loop. I hear there are more jobs than people and yet people see my resume and look it over as a hard pass. The only thing that seems to work is shutting the door on it all. I paid taxes this year for the first time on a small business. I owed the federal government nothing. I owed the state close to four hundred dollars. I made way below the poverty line. This doesn't mean I don't have money. I reinvested most of what I had from my old job. And yet I've been ridiculed and targeted in a racist sort of way because I put my money on climate and the Chinese economy. Every day I have to defend myself against an invisible wave and a mob of people who can do whatever they want to make me feel bad. And I'm supposed to think that this is my lot in life. That this is what I deserve for not "sharing my power" or whatever sound bite mantra I have to say to explain how badly I'm getting fucked over.

This brings me to where my head is at now. I really don't give a fuck about anything outside of my door or my dash. I also don't order delivery. I walk down the local McDonald's and get my fish fillet like the normal people. When someone's subway sandwich is delivered haphazardly on this property at eight am it sits out there until one pm. I should know because I have to watch out every minute of the day to make sure no one steals my shit. I have cameras set up on both entrances. I am officially licensed now to own a gun though I have no real intention of purchasing one at the moment. We have to accept there is a problem at some point. And maybe I'm starting to accept the problem isn't me. That's a real step in confidence for me. I care so much about the world. I have been duped for years thinking that spending twenty years at an art school really tied me into some international community. And yet those people pretend I don't exist. My entire professional network ghosted me for fear of retaliation. I get it. Nobody wants to lose their job. But these were people I had been friends with for years. I see through the bullshit so much that I'm more in a constant state of mourning for my old life. And it is constantly paraded in front of me that this city doesn't welcome me at all. That I don't deserve to be treated like a human being because I'm somehow not special enough. I'm just some normal dude that everybody compares themselves to but isn't worth shit compared to me. And balancing the disgust, fear of missing out and apathy that has come with it has gotten both easier and harder. Parts of me have died when it comes to caring about the past. Nothing is working out here. I know this. I'm reminded that nobody texts me. I wake up to my dash like greeting my best friend. And there's nothing wrong with that when you look at the alternative my life has devolved into. None of this trauma is stuff I haven't faced and moved on from. It isn't hard to trauma dump when people keeping dumping shit on you and yet I'm supposed to feel guilty about it? It's literally trauma created every day of the week by jealous people. On the internet, in my neighborhood, in positions of power. People abuse me in ways I am no longer able to ignore. And nobody really cares about doing anything to fix it. So this leaves me in a foul mood spinning my gears trying to engineer myself out of a situation that is meant to watch me fail. For the third year in a row. The joke isn't on me anymore. It's a clear sign that society has failed me. Where I go from here is really the Groundhog Day like circle I find myself in. For the moment I'm just going to keep on loving you all here and pretend it doesn't matter. But at some point, I'm no longer going to be able to shake off the fact that people actively find it funny to roast me out of my life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. It's low key domestic terrorism and I just want to drop out of society altogether to keep from being hurt by it. Which last time I checked isn't a hard thing to do when the message is quite clear I don't belong here at all. <3 Tim

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2098

so i have a total of ten chapters of material to cover:

23-27 for physics

4, 7, and 8 for differential equations, and

9-10 for chemistry

if i do one chapter a day i'll be caught up in time for the end of the semester. but that doesn't include exams. chem i can do in one day, i have no issues with chem. diff eq is a lot of material, and i KNOW physics is going to take the longest. so i'll do physics first so i can actually know that i've passed the class, and then take an incomplete on diff eq so i can focus on it the week after classes are finished, so i can get it all done in one solid go, and i can have help from my professor if i need it. i also won't have work tying up my time, and even the week of finals i don't need to get up to get joel, because tomorrow is the last day of his contract.

speaking of which, he's applied to a few jobs and hasn't heard anything and doesn't expect to for a while due to the virus. he has an in for one of them, which is awesome, and i hope he gets that one because it's in boston and he can just take the bus down from londonderry, but he will also get to see dean more often. so i really hope he gets that one. plus it pays more than what he has now, but quite a margin. so i'm hoping for that. he's a smart cookie and has a goal of six figures by 30, and he's well on his way. if he's able to get back into cyber, which is where his degree is, he'll basically be able to state what he wants for a salary and get it. so that's cool. i'm proud of him. he's so smart and talented. he thinks he's just clever, but i have eyeballs and i see the truth 👀👀👀

yeah. so i'm tired. i know it's past 2am, and that it's 1000000% my fault for staying up this late, because there's literally no one else to blame. so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i think i might want panera tomorrow. i have a gift card so that's fine. yay!

i also bought a bunch of stuff today, so now i have mother's day gifts, birthday gifts, and fun things for quarantine coming. i'm glad i still have a job.

* last bit is gross. if you don't like gross, suffice it to say periods SUCK.

one last gross thing: periods are awful. i thought i'd get a pass this month because i bled literally all of last month, but i guess not. it hurts a lot less this month, but there's way more old blood than usual. which kinda makes sense because my body went from "here have a SEIGE" to nothing literally overnight, so there's a lot of dark. but i'm glad my body gets weird when i'm on my period, because usually a pint of ben and jerry's will send me to the bathroom for an hour, but when i'm on my period it doesn't? it doesn't make me have diarrhea like milk things usually do. i was hungry and my stomach hurt and i ate the ice cream and felt better? like, what the fuck bro?? idfk.

have some adorable pandas that i keep giggling and crying at because they're so goddamn cute: