#they're like a week old and i'm still thinking of ways to differentiate them from the characters they're based on

[annabthesolitarywriter]

For the fanfic ask game (second attempt)

🌝

🧠

🌈 (for Lady of Ithilien)

🌝 Who is one character you haven't yet written for that you would like to?

Since the question does not differentiate between OCs and canon characters, I'm going to go with the latest OCs I've created aka Finduilas of Lamedon (daughter of Angbor the Fearless and Faramir's second wife) and their daughter Faelivrin also known as "my sweet angel Fae".

I'm trying to include Finduilas in the one-shots for Tolkien OC week but as of now I've written nothing about her. I do, however, have some ideas.

She was born in TA 3007-3008 (she's several years younger than Faramir. I'm not good at math, but since Faramir was born in TA 2983, I suppose she's 24-25 years his junior) and she's the youngest of five sisters that are all settled down with children. Her father is desperate because she's been consistently refusing every marriage proposal she's received since he was a teenager—she really didn't want to marry, I guess—and now she's considered way too old to be a bride of interest by the vast majority of people. Because of something that happens in chapter 4 (no spoilers), Aragorn sets them up and has them married (it's actually Enna's idea but I will say nothing more about that). It's an arranged marriage and I think it will be interesting to explore that dynamic, especially when Finduilas comes to realize that Faramir is infatuated with a certain Haradrim noblewoman who also happens to be the mother of his son's best buddy. (I also cannot wait to write about those two babies. Baby Elboron and Baby Selim are literally the cutest).

Another character I am looking forward to writing about (someone who is not a Maiarin character or included in Enna and Eönwë's family) is definitely Faelivrin. Fae is just...Enna's mini-me without Enna's mental problems. If you were looking for an unproblematic Enna...that's Fae for you. She will go through her fair share of troubles but it's mostly because:

-she adores her older sis and is constantly worried about her, especially when Enna starts getting pregnant every couple of months.

-She falls in love with either someone from Rohan or Harad (though I'm leaning more toward Harad) and has to have Enna's approval to marry.

Nevertheless, she adores both her siblings and Selim (he's technically not a brother but he's always been around so he's basically family anyway. I think Enna's growing affection toward Selim will be the key that eventually makes her approve of the marriage—Eönwë could technically step in and solve the matter but he chooses to stay out of it since it's a matter between sisters)

Faceclaim for Finduilas: Laura Berlin as Emma of Normandy (Vikings: Valhalla)

Faceclaim for Fae: Isla Merrick-Lawless (The Spanish Princess)

I'll include them in the character profile spreadsheets soon! I'm still looking for someone as adult Fae but I am mainly torn between Esmahan Sultan (Magnificent Century)

And another Esmahan Sultan (Magnificent Century)

The second Esmahan is probably more fitting. Too bad she only appears in the very last MC episode and there are no gifs of her.

🧠 What's an idea you have that you can't quite call a WIP yet?

Oh, that's basically the whole plot of Estel i Hína, the planned sequel to LOI, and it's also the plot of Nyerénya... Namárië!, which is the First Age fic I've been thinking about and the main reason why I've decided to include some Fëanorians in LOI. I have a general idea as far as Estel i Hína goes (it will be about Elenwë's remaining children—yes, I'll probably end up killing a few of them off. Mairon certainly won't spare them just because they're cute—and their children aka Elenwë's grandkids). I have only two planned at the moment: Elanna and Fionwë, Mírion's children. I don't know whether they'll return to Middle-earth. The story might be fully set in Valinor. Who knows.

As far as the First Age fic...I only know Enna is Hiril's daughter (Beren's sister that was later scrapped. She's thus related to Lúthien, Thingol and all of those people. I think Morgoth will have her captured, but I have no idea what I'll come up with. I think Eönwë will show up at the very end and I'm digging the idea of her being in love with a Fëanorian, but I really cannot tell you much about it as I don't really know what the fic will be about specifically. This will be it, I suppose. Enna existing in Beleriand and suffering at the hands of Morgoth. Seems pretty straightforward to me. 😂

🌈 What inspired you to write [The Lady of Ithilien]?

I actually have to mainly credit you @lucifers-legions & @saurongorthaur9.

Garo Estel (read it y'all) was one of the very first fics (if not the very first) that caught my attention on AO3. Before that, I didn't even know what AO3 was (I joined in March 2023). I don't exactly remember how I discovered the fic but I loved it right away and couldn't stop reading it.

The same applied and still applies to @saurongorthaur9's Gorthauro Estel, which is an absolutely amazing piece of writing. Check this one out too, people. Garo Estel and Gorthauro Estel. Trust me.

Both fics inspired me to write my own and then I had an idea for a one-shot as I was writing an original thing which is now on hiatus...the rest is history.😂

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING IN THE ASK!

[f4ll3nf34th3r5y5t]

Tw vent (mention of sh/our beloved slide iykwim)

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Im so despairwd rn. I love being honest with my friends. I hate lying. I hate intentionally misleading people without them knowing in what could be a harmful way. But what choice do I have, really. I'm not going to burden some 15 yr olds with the fact I think about hurting myself every time I do something wrong in my eyes or feel dejected or ignored. I can't just tell them 'oh yeah yk when I said I only think about doing it when something really bad happens on a really really bad day? LMAO jk I think about it every week‼️‼️ so silly'. How do I explain that I'm petrified of a relationship and being confessed to to her?? For the record, I'll be mentioning different people differentiated via pronouns. Anyway I can't just tell someone I almost threw up from fear and anxiety a few minutes ago because I thought I might have rabies (spoiler, I don't think so? I can drink water). I don't know a good way to tell my best friend that I can't confide in them and they aren't my most trusted person with stuff like that. For the record we're physically 17. They're newish 15. I don't know a good way to explain how I'd love to tell them everything and be so honest but every time I think about it I get sick at the thought of them feeling how I did. When I was 15, 14, 13, younger. They've got so many burdens already and they don't need to tell me I'm one of them. I already know that. And I get it's part of being social and having relationships but I can't help but feel shit about it. I feel helpless with my mind, I can't be left alone for a minute without wallowing in some kind of despair.

If they see this (doubtful,) then hi. I want to be able to tell you things, when I said I was running myself up a wall I wish I could tell you what I mean. You're asleep so it doesn't matter so much right now. But it's not because you're young, have pressure on top of pressures on you, or because I don't think you can handle it. It's because I can't find it in myself to hate you like that. It takes some kind of trust and something to put that kind of responsibility onto someone. It's almost like a hatred to expose someone to the inner machinations of this thing we call the brain. I don't want you to pity me and I know you would. If I were to answer truthfully when you ask me to. If when we were at dinner I was honest. To for once be totally honest, I'm not doing ok. I won't be. I have no one to unload this on comfortably because it's straining to talk to friends family or even strangers about it and the threat of being thrown into some place if Im honest with the counselor is another thing.

I'm about to get descriptive so get off now when you can.

I called a friend by their real name in a comment section earlier today. I hadn't taken my prozac so my anxiety or general feelings have been as they were for weeks, since I'm out. I deleted the comment obviously and replaced it with their online name but in the moment of pure fear and anxiety I felt horrible. I thought my spine would rupture out of my body with some mind of its own. My veins felt like worms in my skin, I had to claw them out, how I didn't I don't know. I felt so cold and hot at the same time. My fingers feel like they're moving so slow like I'm rusty or something. I almost threw up. I know that's not normal, to want to rip every system out. I profusely apologizef and I still feel like absolute shit. This isn't normal or ok. I'm so grossed out by my urges. I can't stand how I get around anyone even myself. I suppose these stand as some kind of document of my grief.

I can't stand being alive, I can't stand fucking up ever, I can't stand being careful about myself. What if I said every urge out loud? What if I gave into my habits? What then? You'd all hate me. I know you would, that's not just my paranoia. My blood is some kind of dirty sin and I have to get it out. I wonder how I haven't broken my shaving stuff yet. I won't. Not today. I probably need to sit down and talk to my friends but I don't fucking know how. They're all younger than me. Is it even ok to? They're all 15 or younger. I know the burden and fear of knowing you could wake up one day and they could be dead. They could've done something bad. Maybe they aren't eating anymore. Maybe they almost did something. That's a fear that eats away at you because you're too young to do anything. I need to have a talk with them but where would I. No where is safe. Their house, it's akward. Others house, there's stairs and they can't get up those yet and it'll be awkward., my house, no can do someone's always home and if they hear me they'll treat me all crazy again and I might just fucking kill myself if they do that. No one knows any of this. And if I mention I need to have a talk with them and we can't do one that'll eat away at their mind with curiosity. One on ones might be awkward plus if hanging out, which we always are, how do I go about that? I'm so stressed with this shit. I regret living past the things I shouldn't of. I get it's selfish of me- or it is according to my mom. I don't even like my mom. I cry thinking about how I couldn't save her younger self. But I try to reassure myself that her actions don't deserve forgiveness just because she's been through it. She had time to change but she hasn't. I feel like throwing up. Maybe I'm sick. Maybe it's almost my period. Idk. If there's a god, help me. I don't care. I'm not devote, I won't be a good servant or apostle, but I'm loyal to my cause and I keep promises when I can. I can be a dog if you keep my family ok. I just want to be happy, but I want everyone to be happy more so.

The only highlight this month really is apparently I helped them realize what friends are like. True friends. I feel nice about it mostly but I fear I'm misleading.

And I have a fear of being scary to people I know. I promise I'm not heartless or careless or selfish like they all said. Believe in me, please. Love me unconditionally. I will be your most trusted and beloved hound. I'll beckon your every command if you just love me. If you trust me.

I get why people don't trust me don't get me wrong. I'm not exactly a good person. I've stolen, lied, yelled, mocked, judged, etc. if heavens real ill never know. I feel eternally damned. I don't know how to end these posts either

[nucifaerie]

i've had a terrible week and like. thank god for my ocs.

[insanelyadd]

Deeply amused that the parasites are initially presented as a terrible and creepy threat who have taken over literally every other monster in the Underground in a sort of radical zombie apocalypse, yet when they're trying to take over Papyrus and he makes a number of demands, their response is 'we literally cannot say no or We Will Die. You're seeking a way to separate your brother from one of our own, which may result in said parasite dying, but we still have No Choice But To Agree.' It's a tragic situation that Fly and his brother were brought to this point to begin with but it's very morbidly humorous to me.

Yeah, I mean. They're my own parasites I get to say what they can and can't do. I say that they're weak lil bitches when confronted with two chronic insomniacs. Lucky for them the people they couldn't manage to possess Also aren't. You know. Insane people who want to kill everyone who's possessed.

These parasites take over through a calculated attack. They communicate to get the exact number of people they need to possess and plan who should be infected first by observing the patterns of intended targets for a short time. They likely figured everyone but those two guys who will have to sleep eventually is fine.

Mostly I chose this powerset because it was needed for the story I wanted to tell and the outcome I wanted. Also because I wanted to differentiate them from canon Fresh who I don't think has any restrictions to who they can possess. Human, monster, asleep, awake, willing, not. Don't think it's ever been stated who they can't possess, excluding soulless people.

Someone on deviantart mentioned Flowey hiding and you know what. That's fair. Flowey probably is losing his mind. Then again I set this pre-canon by a good while (Papyrus isn't wearing his battle body which is at least two weeks old). So you could just interpret it as him not having woken up yet, or not having been made. If he just isn't awake yet. Man. He's going to be real confused about his parents huh gbdsjkgdbsjgkdsfbk

But anyways.

Papyrus is just really cool and powerful and even though we all know he would never kill them it's a better chance for everyone else if they let him fuck off into the multiverse hoping the parasite will kill him by letting it feed off of him for long enough (another thing specific to this parasite is that essentially the parasites can live the entire lifespan of that monster in the same body as long as they don't put unnecessary strain on the soul - like traveling the multiverse - the opposite is implied to be true for the OG Fresh, where the possessed person will probably die sooner or later. Spoilers though, I am making the parasite and Papyrus become friends. Not in this comic, just, that's how it goes after the fact. CQ once stated that the more Fresh possesses one person the more it can feel (not sure if that still applies) so I'm going to have the same apply here, but them communicating through Papyrus' soul will definitely make that worse/speed it up. So they're besties. Wouldn't be the first time Papyrus has befriended a soulless creature.)

[hallmark-movie-fanatics]

Hallmark Networks' Chief Isn't Worried About Netflix's Push Into Holiday Movies

(Photographed by Jai Lennard - Bill Abbott was photographed Nov. 19 in his New York office.)

11/29/2018 by Michael O'Connell

"This is the content that you turn on when you want to get away from the noise and hysteria," top programmer Bill Abbott says, while also explaining why Hallmark — despite its "cheesy" stereotype — continues to increase its volume of Christmas movies (37 this year alone) and his networks' response to diversity problems.

Like Santa Claus in a C-suite, Crown Family Media Networks' Bill Abbott dictates how more than 72 million viewers will spend their holidays from his 22nd-floor office in midtown Manhattan. The schedule of the annual TV movie fest Countdown to Christmas, which runs on Hallmark channels through November and December, is detailed in red and green marker on a dry erase board — boasting 37 new titles for 2018, such as A Shoe Addict's Christmas and Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe. Call them cheesy if you must, but premiere telecasts alone are averaging audiences of more than 4 million this year.

After two decades at the cable arm of the privately owned greeting-card behemoth, half of which he's spent as president and CEO, the 56-year-old exec bucks cable trends with linear growth, a burgeoning SVOD service that just topped 500,000 subscribers and annual revenue now approaching a half-billion dollars. A handful of original drama series carry the load, but it's Christmas when Hallmark is No. 1 most nights on cable. In the midst of the holiday crunch, the married father of four — who still lives in his native Long Island with two dogs and "several cats" — acknowledges that Netflix is encroaching on his telepic turf. He does not seem terribly concerned, however.

Are you still increasing the volume of Christmas movies each year?

Yes. Twenty-two will air on Hallmark Channel and 15 on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries. Every one of those undergoes a thorough evaluation through the entire creative process. If one doesn't live up to what we believe our viewers' expectations are, we'll shelve it and we won't air it.

How often do you shelve a movie?

It happens a couple of times a year. I'm reluctant to use the word, but there was a certain cheesiness that went arm in arm with some of what we produced. We've worked hard to eliminate those stereotypical elements that prevented the content from rising to the level of popularity that it's since reached. If you disappoint viewers one week, it's very hard to get them back the second week. Relatively speaking, I would think that it's an equal financial hit to not picking up a pilot to series.

And how much of the annual budget goes to Christmas movies?

It's about 35 percent. We're very consistent with the model for our original productions. We believe that we can make a great movie for a certain amount, and we don't need to spend double, triple or quadruple to make it high quality. We're primarily driven by our ad sales, and our ad sales is fortunately humming along at a high growth rate.

When did you nail this model?

I would say that in 2014 we began to look at our content differently. We started Crown Media Family Productions, and that's allowed us to own the rights to many of the movies that we produce — not only domestically but internationally and for digital.

Hallmark has been criticized for how white its programming has been, but there's noticeably more inclusivity in this year's films. Is it a strong enough response?

We fell into a pattern of going back to the same people and didn't necessarily look outside the box. Producing movies in Canada, which is where the majority of our productions are made, did not help the cause. It's something that was on our radar long before we were taking criticism. But it's been fun to work with so many different talented, diverse actors who do bring something very different to the table. We feel very good about our slate this season.

Who do you consider your biggest competitor?

At this point, it's Lifetime — just given the volume of production and the target demographic. Moving forward, Netflix is investing quite a bit of money in content. Amazon as well.

Do you feel nervous about Netflix's move into the holiday movie space?

The brand is our differentiator. Our focus is in creating an experience where you can turn the TV on, feel comfortable and cook, decorate or do something holiday-related and that puts you in the spirit. There's no question that they're a huge competitor. And they've had a lot of success. But we believe that the way we create our content and the way we brand our experience is a completely different proposition.

Your slate of original series does incredibly well, but they lack the pop culture cachet that many lesser-watched cable shows get. Does that bother you?

We take note of that every week, and we find it very frustrating. I don't think that we get the type of recognition that we frankly deserve. We feel badly for our producers and talent who work so hard to create content that's viewed so widely and yet doesn't get nominated. A show like Chesapeake Shores, for example, is always in the top 10 on cable. It's not necessarily water-cooler talk on Monday morning in Los Angeles and New York, but in many other parts of the country, these are the dominant shows.

A lot of broadcasters took stock after the 2016 election. What's been your response?

We view ourselves as completely apolitical, so we don't really look to the tone of the country for how to program. Our goal is always to be more positive, to connect people. Regardless of where your political allegiances lie, this is the content that you turn on when you want to get away from the noise and the hysteria. I don't think you could correlate, which many people have tried to, the success of our channel with the election. That said, it certainly doesn't hurt when the tone is so negative — and "negative" is not a strong enough word.

Is there still room for library deals on Hallmark?

We're relying a lot less on our licensed series. That will continue to be the case over time. It's not necessarily a flip of the switch one day and they all disappear. On Netflix, as I understand it, the highest-rated content is Friends, Grey's Anatomy and The Office. The reality is that there is always going to be a place for classic content.

Like Murder, She Wrote?

Yes. (Laughs.) We have it on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries, and it still performs remarkably well. It's a timeless, well-constructed mystery, and the performances are spectacular.

A lot of people probably want to know how you spend the holidays.

Recovering from 37 movies!

(Tara Ziemba/Getty Images - Abbott, at a 2018 event with programming exec vp Michelle Vicary, is passionate about shows that promote animal adoption.)

Source: hollywoodreporter.com

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/hallmark-networks-chief-holiday-films-netflix-competition-1163954

[violetsystems]

#personal

After three boosters for Covid it is really hard to tell these days whether you are legitimately sick or plague ridden. Personally, it just feels like every other mild flu to me. I did stop wearing a mask recently which probably helps put me at risk. I hadn't been sick since I started wearing one. I'm by myself almost one hundred percent of the time so I've been quarantined since the start. I was away in the epicenter of it in New York on my birthday during fashion week in 2019 when it all started. Three years later nothing for any of us is the same really. And nobody wants to listen to our side of the story in the real world. Society keeps acting like it's fine either way for it's own benefit in a cultish sort of way. I was walking downtown Thursday in the sleet with a light jacket so that probably didn't help. I walked past my old job out of curiosity. Nobody recognized me. I had received an offer for a position in my inbox earlier in the week for a company that had the exact same name. It was nuts and not at all normal. At first glance, there was no way of differentiating it other than the email address ending in saic.com and not saic.edu. My dad didn't even pick up on it. He was like "Why didn't you take the offer? " Partially because it was weird like everything else but people are desperate to see everything as normal. I wanted to walk by my old work as a ping to my sanity. Is this all really acceptable to just brush off as coincidence? From a common sense perspective it isn't. We've all accepted a lot of abnormal shit and people like to gloss over and move on from it to escape assigning blame. Don't ruin it for everybody else. We're all in this together after all. It doesn't change that people like me out here still suffer from the ambiguity of things. That's my own fault they'd say. Questioning it from my perspective doesn't really solve anything. It just leads to more questions that I write about for sake of my own journaled narrative. I pretty much know some things for sure about where I'm headed and yet society wants to make it extra hard for me making me doubt it all. I had the sinking feeling something was going to happen with my coffee delivery. It's not really intuition when a new bad thing happens to you every day of the week. So as a precaution I went downtown to get a spare bag. And out of nowhere the next day, the delivery from the store I visited had gone awol. I was out there again in front of my mailbox watching both mail carriers take their time sorting the packages expecting me to hail them. In the past, I've confronted them straight up about things going missing. Because it's always my packages that disappear.

This time I just emailed customer support instead of getting involved in the spectacle. In the past there's been a knock on my door from a neighbor about their packages being wrongly delivered next door. To which I find myself going the extra mile and jumping the fence to retrieve it. Nobody ever returns the favor for me. They're always so self absorbed yet the first people to stare expectantly when they think you've done something wrong. People in this neighborhood watch me enough to know something isn't right. Nobody really does anything for me out here except make me the center of some online roasting party I'm unaware of. I deserve it after all because I'm privileged or something. This has been judged somewhere on some forum where I can't defend myself. And yet that's protected by freedom of speech in their mind. At the same time, everyone wants me to fight their own personal ideological battles out here. Hoping maybe I mention them on a blog nobody except my close friends read. Everybody is a bigger victim than me and is hellbent on cutting you off to tell you about it. And we measure our self worth out here by whose pain is more valid without due process, care or attention. We become victims by default and cower in the fact nobody can fix it. We're just supposed to huddle together and fill in the gaps that our taxes don't deliver on. And I do all this for free. I shovel the snow mainly because it keeps things mellow with my landlord. I have affordable housing. I have no promises in that regard. Legally, I probably have more rights if I got a lawyer. I could end all the suffering and just claim scorched earth. Apply for a job in Los Angeles and be done with it. I did apply for jobs. In France. In China. In New York. In Chicago. It's a constant loop. I hear there are more jobs than people and yet people see my resume and look it over as a hard pass. The only thing that seems to work is shutting the door on it all. I paid taxes this year for the first time on a small business. I owed the federal government nothing. I owed the state close to four hundred dollars. I made way below the poverty line. This doesn't mean I don't have money. I reinvested most of what I had from my old job. And yet I've been ridiculed and targeted in a racist sort of way because I put my money on climate and the Chinese economy. Every day I have to defend myself against an invisible wave and a mob of people who can do whatever they want to make me feel bad. And I'm supposed to think that this is my lot in life. That this is what I deserve for not "sharing my power" or whatever sound bite mantra I have to say to explain how badly I'm getting fucked over.

This brings me to where my head is at now. I really don't give a fuck about anything outside of my door or my dash. I also don't order delivery. I walk down the local McDonald's and get my fish fillet like the normal people. When someone's subway sandwich is delivered haphazardly on this property at eight am it sits out there until one pm. I should know because I have to watch out every minute of the day to make sure no one steals my shit. I have cameras set up on both entrances. I am officially licensed now to own a gun though I have no real intention of purchasing one at the moment. We have to accept there is a problem at some point. And maybe I'm starting to accept the problem isn't me. That's a real step in confidence for me. I care so much about the world. I have been duped for years thinking that spending twenty years at an art school really tied me into some international community. And yet those people pretend I don't exist. My entire professional network ghosted me for fear of retaliation. I get it. Nobody wants to lose their job. But these were people I had been friends with for years. I see through the bullshit so much that I'm more in a constant state of mourning for my old life. And it is constantly paraded in front of me that this city doesn't welcome me at all. That I don't deserve to be treated like a human being because I'm somehow not special enough. I'm just some normal dude that everybody compares themselves to but isn't worth shit compared to me. And balancing the disgust, fear of missing out and apathy that has come with it has gotten both easier and harder. Parts of me have died when it comes to caring about the past. Nothing is working out here. I know this. I'm reminded that nobody texts me. I wake up to my dash like greeting my best friend. And there's nothing wrong with that when you look at the alternative my life has devolved into. None of this trauma is stuff I haven't faced and moved on from. It isn't hard to trauma dump when people keeping dumping shit on you and yet I'm supposed to feel guilty about it? It's literally trauma created every day of the week by jealous people. On the internet, in my neighborhood, in positions of power. People abuse me in ways I am no longer able to ignore. And nobody really cares about doing anything to fix it. So this leaves me in a foul mood spinning my gears trying to engineer myself out of a situation that is meant to watch me fail. For the third year in a row. The joke isn't on me anymore. It's a clear sign that society has failed me. Where I go from here is really the Groundhog Day like circle I find myself in. For the moment I'm just going to keep on loving you all here and pretend it doesn't matter. But at some point, I'm no longer going to be able to shake off the fact that people actively find it funny to roast me out of my life, liberty and pursuit of happiness. It's low key domestic terrorism and I just want to drop out of society altogether to keep from being hurt by it. Which last time I checked isn't a hard thing to do when the message is quite clear I don't belong here at all. <3 Tim

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2098

so i have a total of ten chapters of material to cover:

23-27 for physics

4, 7, and 8 for differential equations, and

9-10 for chemistry

if i do one chapter a day i'll be caught up in time for the end of the semester. but that doesn't include exams. chem i can do in one day, i have no issues with chem. diff eq is a lot of material, and i KNOW physics is going to take the longest. so i'll do physics first so i can actually know that i've passed the class, and then take an incomplete on diff eq so i can focus on it the week after classes are finished, so i can get it all done in one solid go, and i can have help from my professor if i need it. i also won't have work tying up my time, and even the week of finals i don't need to get up to get joel, because tomorrow is the last day of his contract.

speaking of which, he's applied to a few jobs and hasn't heard anything and doesn't expect to for a while due to the virus. he has an in for one of them, which is awesome, and i hope he gets that one because it's in boston and he can just take the bus down from londonderry, but he will also get to see dean more often. so i really hope he gets that one. plus it pays more than what he has now, but quite a margin. so i'm hoping for that. he's a smart cookie and has a goal of six figures by 30, and he's well on his way. if he's able to get back into cyber, which is where his degree is, he'll basically be able to state what he wants for a salary and get it. so that's cool. i'm proud of him. he's so smart and talented. he thinks he's just clever, but i have eyeballs and i see the truth 👀👀👀

yeah. so i'm tired. i know it's past 2am, and that it's 1000000% my fault for staying up this late, because there's literally no one else to blame. so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i think i might want panera tomorrow. i have a gift card so that's fine. yay!

i also bought a bunch of stuff today, so now i have mother's day gifts, birthday gifts, and fun things for quarantine coming. i'm glad i still have a job.

* last bit is gross. if you don't like gross, suffice it to say periods SUCK.

one last gross thing: periods are awful. i thought i'd get a pass this month because i bled literally all of last month, but i guess not. it hurts a lot less this month, but there's way more old blood than usual. which kinda makes sense because my body went from "here have a SEIGE" to nothing literally overnight, so there's a lot of dark. but i'm glad my body gets weird when i'm on my period, because usually a pint of ben and jerry's will send me to the bathroom for an hour, but when i'm on my period it doesn't? it doesn't make me have diarrhea like milk things usually do. i was hungry and my stomach hurt and i ate the ice cream and felt better? like, what the fuck bro?? idfk.

have some adorable pandas that i keep giggling and crying at because they're so goddamn cute: