#they're like 'oh just take it with food and water' (i do - no difference - i think eating/drinking actually makes things worse)

[maslows-pyramid-scheme]

.

[muqingslover]

Hello!! I absolutely love your take on the lads men as fathers, they make so much sense of their character!! That being said, I wanted to ask what pets you think they would own, if any?

I love your writing style!! I hope you have a good day!!!

[ this is such a cute request!! Thank you and I really hope you like it! ]

Xavier

He's snow-white fr fr

Xavier has such a tranquil energy around him that whenever he falls asleep outside you just find him covered in little birds, a random stray cat on his lap and a butterfly on his nose.

But he'd have no pets of his own because he just doesn't have the energy to give the care they deserve and the lifespan of most living creatures is too short compared to his own.

Oh not to mention if he had a pet you would probably be aaaall over it and he wants NONE of that.

He's the type that can't keep even a cactus alive because he's asleep the whole time he's not with you or working. (the official schedule post showed he sleeps way more than I thought it's crazy)

Zayne

Oh this sweet, sweet man.

He loves animals but animals do not share the feeling LMAO

He had a tortoise when he was little and we all know his passion for cats so he does like the idea of having a pet.

Because of his schedule as a surgeon I can see him having something that agrees with his busy lifestyle like those pretty fish tanks.

Not to mention the fish can't reject this poor guy and are as quiet as he is.

The plants he keeps in his house/office are like his children too and watering them is part of daily routine.

Sylus

He has Mephisto of course (and the twins jk) but I firmly believe he's one of the people who are blessed by the cat's universal system.

Here and there he'd randomly save or feed a stray and the cat would stick to him like glue.

They begin "multiplying" and eventually he has six different cats coming in and out of his house.

They're not really his but he lets them be as long as you're not allergic to them.

Mephisto is fighting for his life and staying in very high places so he's not torn to pieces.

The twins have multiple photos of Sylus asleep with the kitties and they send one to you every week.

He's like the dad that says "I don't like cats" and then he shows up with three different types of deluxe food.

Rafayel

Man's a whole fish he IS the pet.

All jokes aside, he seems the type to have a pretty bird like cockatiel or a white dove that has as much of an attitude as he does.

He definitely paints the bird and is extra enough to use the loose feathers for details to add authenticity to the piece.

100% will argue with it like the bird understands him.

"She likes you more than me! The one who raised her!" *cuts to the bird turning it's head away from him and nuzzling on the top of your head*

Strolling buddies. Every time Rafayel goes out for inspiration or just to clear his head the bird will follow him and he likes the company more than he'd ever admit.

Caleb

If he could this guy would own BIG dogs no argument.

And yes plural because he'd have at least two.

The dogs are all very well trained and absolutely adore you. Much like the owner.

He will often send you videos of them in goofy costumes he bought and he's just laughing his head off in the background.

I also feel like he used to collect bugs when he was just a brat.

He'd terrorize you and Zayne by running after you two with those big ass beetles like

"It's just a little guy! Look! :D" "*screams of horror"

[woncon]

hi i read your stories and you're awesome!! can i please request a san and wooyoung scenario where they're making coffee for you in the morning?

Hi dear Anon! 🥰

Thank you for the kind words & the request. I'd a fun time writing it. I hope you'll like it too! 💗💗

➳ a cup of care

➶ poly!woosan x gn!reader ｡˚ °

-ˏ` ✎﹏ San forgot to take the coffee machine to the mechanic. But instead of admitting it, he wants to become a home barista, making coffee for you every morning until he can actually take the machine to the repairman.

When Wooyoung finds out what he's up to, he won't tell you. He decides to help to keep San's secret and make nice coffee so you won't tell the difference.

Keeping it from you may seem easy.

It's not.

➴ genre: fluff, light angst, estabilished relationship, polyamory

: ̗̀➛ warnings: half-naked san, who is also a baby

⌨ :: 2.3K words ♡ ︵ . .

⁀➷ kisses and hugs for @honeytwo!!

➳ ateez masterlist | main masterlist

At 5:30 on a Monday morning, Wooyoung strode out into the kitchen. He was looking for San to drag him back to bed. You both slept easier and deeper when the boy was there. You clung to him eagerly, and he usually couldn't even slip away without you being alarmed that he was gently shaking you off him.

Wooyoung expected San to come for a glass of water. That was not the case. The broad-shouldered boy in his pyjamas leaned against the kitchen counter and watched a video in contemplation. At his fingertips were a colander, a bag of what looked like cat food, mugs and the kitchen scale.

Wooyoung curiously ventured closer. The parquet floor creaked under his socked feet.

San turned around like the hyperventilating protagonist of a horror film.

“Hi!” He paused the video so quickly that his phone fell on its face.

“Hi…” Wooyoung took a closer look at the prepared equipment. He picked up the filter and poked the bag. There was something hard inside. “What are you doing? Is this some kind of workout stuff? Or poison?”

“Poison?” San laughed awkwardly and shook his head as if he'd been caught.

“Are you... okay?”

“Of course. I just, uh, wanted to surprise you. Could you go back to bed and keep it a surprise?” San patted Wooyoung's waist. “I promise I'll be ready quickly.”

Wooyoung took pity on him. It was like San to wake up at sunrise to surprise the two people he loved the most. He didn't want to bother him any longer. He pressed a consenting kiss to San's cheek and would have turned back to try to fall back asleep in your embrance, but noticed the pattern at the bottom of the bag.

It was minimalist and almost blended into the caramel colour of the bag, but it was there nonetheless. Three coffee beans. It wasn't cat food, then.

Wooyoung blinked. He walked around San then held the bag in front of his face, and the heavy scent emanating from it immediately hit him in the nose. He pointed incredulously at San, whose neck was flushed.

“You forgot!” he said in disbelief.

“I have not!”

The other walked over to the coffee machine, plugged it in and tried to turn it on. It did the same thing it had been doing for the last few days: all the buttons flickered red and the machine whined, as if it would die at any moment and couldn't make the slightest coffee.

“Oh, but you forgot.” Wooyoung patted the poor steam and turned off the power. “Y/n specifically asked you to do that, remember? They even made your breakfast so you'd write down in your diary the appointment they'd booked with the plumber. And you forgot.”

San pouted in surrender. “Why are you mocking me now?”

“I'm just having a little fun.” Wooyoung grinned. “I'm usually the bad boyfriend here.”

“You're not a bad boyfriend.”

“But I forget more often than you, pearl of men.” Wooyoung looked through the assorted tools again. “So?”

“So what?”

“How can I help you?”

“You want to help?” San was surprised. “I thought you were going to tell our baby.”

“‘Course not. I don't want them to be sad. I'll help make sure they get their coffee and don't notice the difference until the machine is fixed.”

“See, Woo?” San's all brightened up. He stroked Wooyoung's face. “You're not a bad boyfriend.”

“Still, I'll help you cover up your forgetfulness.”

“Because you're my great boyfriend.” San pulled him close and showered him with kisses.

Wooyoung carefully pushed him away. It wouldn't have ended well if the coffee project hadn't progressed, because they were kissing and slowly forgetting about everything but each other.

“So where do we start?”

San set up his phone, tilted it at the microwave again, and they both dug into the information presented to them on how to make quality, home-brewed coffee.

****

Only five days. That's how long they had to wait before San could actually take the coffee machine to the mechanic. The earliest the man could meet San was Saturday afternoon. In the meantime, the two boys not only had to make homemade coffee by grinding and filtering, but also to make the coffee taste very similar to the one the machine made. Wooyoung took on the role of the pre-taster.

You liked the coffee on Monday. Although you noted that the program seemed to be quieter this time, you didn't find the taste strange. San laughed and wiped a spot of coffee off the edge of your mouth.

"I think you just slept too deeply. In the kitchen it was as loud and lively as ever. The mechanic did a good job."

As you took your next sip, he glanced warily at Woooyung.

The next day, Wooyoung played coffee machine sounds from his phone while San ground coffee beans. You drank again, this time making no comment on the missing mechanical sounds.

On the third day, Wednesday, you resented that neither of them were with you anymore. You got up early and called them.

“Shit! They're coming!” San tried to cover up his intimate parts like a caught-in-act lover: the filter, the cups, and of course the bag of coffee beans he hid in various places around the apartment as if they were a dangerous piece of his tainted past - even though he had no tainted past.

“Go, distract them!” Wooyoung took up the grind that day. He didn't want to stop, especially since his skin had soaked up the smell of coffee beans that his sense of smell was completely dulled. Of course, you would have smelled it. 

Wooyoung didn't want questions about why he smelled thick and heavy like fresh coffee beans.

"Okay," San nodded. “Okay.”

Then he took off his pyjama top. Wooyoung's eyes widened. He didn't mean it that way, he would have added, but San and his refreshing body were gone.

“Do you want to take a shower with me?” his question filtered out from the living room. “I'd be happy to wash your back.”

Of course, you couldn't say no to that.

San had handled the emergency well enough, Wooyoung admitted. He had meanwhile finished his fresh coffee peacefully and even toyed with the idea of opening a coffee shop for a moment. He served it with a wide smile, and bathed contentedly in the showery scent of your neck and the melody of your appreciative humming, as if you knew he made it for you, not the coffee machine.

Everything went smoothly on Thursday, they even finished faster than before. They were really practiced and coordinated. They had time to lie back down next to you and gently caress you into wakefulness.

Wooyoung enjoyed the week, and even if the thought of failing at some point occurred to him, he dismissed the idea. They were a good team, and so far they'd done a great job, making delicious coffees and putting big smiles on your face with their hot brews. If you'd mentioned the coffee smell, he'd have bought a coffee shower gel to explain it. He and San ran through many scenarios to prepare for possible danger. Two more days was not the end of the world.

Although, you seemed to want to bring the world to an end. You also wanted to have a cup of coffee on Friday afternoon.

“Since the coffee machine got fixed, the coffee tastes better. And I'm busy, I need to recharge,” you said.

Your boyfriends couldn't let you touch the machine. The minute you turn it on, they're busted, even though they've been so good at hiding San's screw-up. They had another quick look.

“How about we go to that coffee shop you always daydreams about?” Wooyoung suggested.

“Really?” You froze, a faint frown of thought appearing on your face. “But it's an expensive place.”

"We want to make you happy," San nodded. “It's worth every penny.”

And of course they would have gone to great lengths to make sure you didn't even look at the coffee machine for a few more days.

“Well, okay," you smiled in agreement.

Friday's panic situation had been well averted. Wooyoung now really thought they were on the straight and narrow, only one brewed coffee away from success. 

Well, Wooyoung hadn't factored San's Saturday morning breakdown into his immediate future.

As usual, they divided the duties. San ground the coffee beans, and Wooyoung set the Bluetooth speaker at just the right angle to make sure you could hear the coffee machine sounds playing and soothe you half asleep.

“Woo…”

Wooyoung looked up. It was rare to see San like that. He was a strong mountain, straight and taut. But now he was hunched over the counter, looking powerless. His eyes radiated uncertainty.

“I think I am the bad boyfriend.”

“What?” Wooyoung tried to process the information as quickly as possible. “You? You're literally boyfriend material. If you were single, everyone would be fighting for you. Even though you're ours, Y/n and I have to be careful not to let them take you away from us.” Wooyoung stroked the back of San’s hand. “You're not a bad friend, Sanie. You're absolutely not.”

“I've been lying to Y/n for almost a week.”

“Because you don't want them to drink powdered coffee. You take care of them. You ordered quality coffee from some classy guy.” Wooyoung took over the grinder from him. “And you can tell them the truth in the afternoon, if you want. I don't think they'll be angry, they'll probably just laugh at us.”

San still pouted ruefully, but he no longer hunched forward so tragically.

“Go and cuddle them. I'll finish this.”

“Can you?”

“Of course I can.” Wooyoung pulled the bag of coffee beans in front of him and smiled encouragingly at the other. “You know, thanks to you, I became a coffee master.”

Before Wooyoung could concentrate on making your morning coffee, San pulled him close and planted a long, sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you.”

“It is the least I can do. Now go. And don't let our baby out of bed!”

****

“Careful, careful," Wooyoung murmured as he handed you the mug. “It's hot. Very hot. Like your skin... hmm… let me lie back a bit.”

Wooyoung stretched out beside you, satisfied, once the coffee was safely in the palm of your hand. He rested his head against your waist and was about to look for a blanket that would hopefully preserve some body heat, but instead he got San himself as a blanket. He didn't complain.

“Gosh, the kitchen stone is so cold,” he whimpered.

“Well,” one of your hands went into his hair and gently massaged his scalp. “Next time, put on another layer of socks. Or don't go out. I can make my own coffee.”

“I wanted to be nice to you so you wouldn't leave me for this sexy guy behind me.”

While you giggled, San hugged Wooyoung even tighter, and the boy was reminded of how strong San is. And how much he loves it when he has time to spend the morning with the two of you.

“Oh, that can't happen. What would we do without you?” You stroked his cheek and San hummed in agreement.

What's for sure, at this point Wooyoung didn't feel like a bad boyfriend. In fact, he was proud that he could be here, that you both loved him.

“And thanks for the whipped cream, too, Woo.”

“You're welcome. I made it with love. I would have also put cinnamon on it, but I couldn't find any.”

"You must not have seen it from the bag of coffee beans," you said.

San's body tensed around Wooyoung. Wooyoung himself twitched.

“What?”

“The coffee bean bag. The one you hid as if it were a drug. A few days ago, it just covered up the cinnamon.”

San let Wooyoung go and sat up. He just blinked and waited for you to say something else. You didn't. You drank your coffee peacefully, your face smeared with whipped cream without a spoon to use.

“Don't look at me like that. I wasn't complaining about not liking it. In fact, you made it delicious.”

“You knew?” San was stunned. “Why didn't you tell us?”

“Because the coffee is delicious,” you drank some more. “And you've been very enthusiastic all week. I think you guys had fun too. Or am I wrong?”

“When did you find out?” Wooyoung asked, pulling his knees to his chest.

You frowned thoughtfully.

“I think it was Wednesday. Sannie got a call from the 'coffee guy'. I thought it was about the mechanic, so I picked it up while Sannie was getting dressed. The guy asked if I was happy with the merchandise and if I wanted to order another package. When I asked if he was talking about capsules, he hung up. I may or may not offended him.”

San crawled closer to you on the mattress. He took your face in the palm of his hand and kissed the whipped cream off. “I’m sorry.”

“I'm not mad. After all, you showed me that my boyfriends could make better coffee than my machine.” You pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. "However, I don't want you to spend every day sculpting in the kitchen to make me happy. I'd rather have you here with me and the coffee machine do my coffee.”

“That's what we want.” Wooyoung nodded, then leaned his head on your shoulder. He was very happy that you were not angry with them. Though he expected nothing less from your kind, loving heart. “And the coffee machine could be working tomorrow... If San didn't forget again.”

“Hey! This can't happen, I swear! I've been dreaming about this for two days. Even if I had amnesia, I couldn't forget it.”

“I believe you, big boy. I hope you haven't forgotten either that you promised me marathon hugs today.”

“Finish your coffee and you won't get away.” San nodded towards you, then looked at Wooyoung. He winked and smiled mischievously. “None of you will get away.”

For the record, Wooyung didn't intend to. It's well known that sometimes even the lovestruck coffee maker needs a break.

[rifari2037]

They talked about cultural differences?? Really??? I laughed so hard 🤣

Do they realised that air and water are different too?? That their cultural are completely opposite???

Water tribe people killed animals for food, furniture, clothes, etc. That's their culture! Air nomads don't killed animals, even a fly, for any reasons, they're vegetarian. That's their culture!!

There's nothing wrong with both cultures, but if we think about it with sense, can two people with extreme cultural differences marry and accept each other's cultures easily?

No, it won't be easy. Katara and Aang got married without any problems about cultural differences because Bryke were the writers!

Do they know that Aang/Kataang stand was aware about it and wrote this???

Do they even realise that in canon Aang doesn't really like Water Tribe culture?? Yes, that's CANON!!

Katara : Bato, it looks like home! [Bato, Katara, Sokka, and Aang file inside.] Sokka : Everything's here, even the pelts! Aang : [Sarcastically.] Yeah, nothing's cozier than dead animal skins.

Katara : [Surprised and delighted.] No way! Stewed sea prunes! Bato : Help yourself! Sokka : Dad could eat a whole barrel of these things! Aang takes a bowl of stewed sea prunes and sniffs it, but looks away in disgust and sets it to the side.

Aang : Hey everyone! Sorry I was gone so long. Katara : [Turns to face him.] Hey, Aang, I didn't notice you left. Aang : Yup, but now I'm back. [Sitting down.] Sure could go for some delicious sea prunes! Aang quickly takes some bites of sea prunes, but chokes them back up, yet he pretends to enjoy them. Katara, Bato, and Sokka look at him strangely.

Hama : I wanted to surprise you! I bought all this food today so I could fix you a big Water Tribe dinner. Of course, I can't get all the ingredients I need here, but ocean kumquats are a lot like sea prunes if you stew them long enough. Aang : [Sticking his tongue out in disgust.] Great!

Aang : [Whispering to Toph.] I'd steer clear of the sea prunes. Toph : I thought they were ocean kumquats. Aang : Close enough.

Oh, btw, An ocean kumquat is a small, round fruit often consumed in the Fire Nation. That's close enough with sea prunes, water tribe cuisine.

When Aang doesn't like water tribe cuisine, I can imagine Zuko and Katara having dinner, sharing water tribe and fire nation dishes and they enjoying it because it taste similar. 😂

Fire and water are the opposite elements, that's why they are compliment each other.

Yin and Yang shows a balance between two opposites with a portion of the opposite element in each section.

Remember what Iroh said about the elements? Let's see if fire and water don't mix together, especially for Zuko and Katara.

"Fire is the element of power..."

"...The people of the Fire Nation have desire and will, and the energy and drive to achieve what they want."

"Water is the element of change..."

"...The people of the Water Tribe are capable of adapting to many things..."

"...They have a deep sense of community and love that holds them together through anything."

Young Zuko : [Zuko is shown standing up.] You can't sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?

Zuko and Katara would bicker and not get along well, they said?? Really??

Every time Katara is mad, Zuko just silent and listen to her. Even when they're still enemies!!

Oh, btw, Katara not 'always' threatened Zuko to kill him if he hurt Aang. It happened once. She is still mad at him not because of Aang, but because he betrayed her.

That's personal to her, she is mad not because he hurt someone else but he hurt her. I mean, if she really mad at him because of Aang, why is she connected her anger at Zuko to her mom, not Aang (again)?

And after this moment, after Katara by her own choice, forgives Zuko, do Zuko and Katara always bickering and not get along at all??? No, they're not!!

Zuko gives Katara advice, Katara listens. Katara gives Zuko advice, Zuko listens.

They reassure each other at a very important moment.

Lastly, I don't understand how Zuko and Katara, who they said would never get along, always save each other lives, even Zuko sacrifice his life to her?

[tokyo-debunkers-headcanons]

How do you think the boys were when MC didn't come back for a day? I imagine Kaito starting a riot and probably crying. Maybe even failing to sneak out lol (I love him 😭)

Oh GOD! the CHAOS! I'm gonna do this more as a group headcanon for both houses. Thank you for sending in a request!

It was around lunch time when the message that MC went MIA on a mission. These are the headcanons of the brave souls that survived that day.

FROSTHEIM

Jin was already pissed that he lost his newest gopher (affectionate) to do stuff for him. But the second that message dropped. He had to do a double and even a triple take to make sure he read that right. As soon as he's sure he IMMEDIATELY get Tohma to check the tracker on the cruiser he lent out to them (he's rich. He absolutely has a tracker put on his shit)

Kaito is screaming, crying, throwing up (okay maybe not that last one). He's READY to go dive into the water to save MC. He is LOSING IT scoob!

Some would think that our boy Luca would try to keep Kaito calm....in actuality he's almost just as bad. He just manages to keep it on the inside. He's trying to do it through the proper channels (ie Professor Dante) but when that doesn't work or will take too long for their liking, he's coming up with an escape plan right alongside Kaito.

We gave to remember that Luca has already lost one of his loved ones. He's sure as HELL not losing another one without a fight!

Tohma is STRESSED! Not because MC is missing though. He's concerned sure, but he's sure they'll come back soon, missions are typically dangerous after all. He doesn't have much faith in the academy itself. Its more of a logical way of thinking. Its one day, he's sure they're fine.

Where his stress is coming from is the other Frostheim ghouls. He's basically that meme of someone with kids on leashes each going in different directions. Someone HELP this man's before he goes gray!

VAGASTROM

Alan had to hear from someone else. He was shocked to hear that MC had gone missing. It was even worse since the last time he saw them they weren't sure if their ability worked or how it worked. He went to go ask some of the professors to see what happened but got what was essentially nothing.

Sho was worried but he didn't show it. He tried to play it off like he was too focused on his food truck to worry about the honor student. He did however ask his brother about them when he saw him next. His brother mercilessly teased him about possibly liking MC and Sho instantly regretted asking. Every now and then he considered trying to call MC to see if they would answer.

He decided against it and focused more on his truck to keep his mind off of things.

Leo doesn't care. At this point he still wants to take MC down. So while its not the way he wanted to do it, it meant no more annoying NPC tagging along on missions with them. So to him, it was a win. The only annoying part was Alan and Sho worrying about them. He didn't get it and just laughed at the gossip on WickChat about the meltdown at Frostheim.

[portraitofalinkonfyre]

Oh my God I'm such a twilight girlie you write him so good!!! Like I'm a blushing mess here giggling kicking feet the whole nine yards. Also making him thic is such a accurate power move 🤭🤤 one of these days I'd love to hear all your thoughts on the different 🍆 sizes for the links I just know it'd be glorious until then I shall devour all your writing repeatedly while imagining hot blondes (your four rut one is my absolute favorite I must confess)

Anon you flatter me!!

Hyrule: 4.9 inches. Now, before you come at me in the comments for making our fairy prince smaller than Four, hear me out: like I've said before, and continue to say, penis size is heavily affected by both genes and external factors, and even a slight discrepancy in either one can had mixed outcomes. 'But Fyre, we came here for sin, not a biology lesson!!', some of you may gripe, but I promise there's method to this madness. Ever since starting his first adventure at the ripe age of 9 or 10, Hyrule has been on constant alert because of 1) the literal cult trying to steal his blood to reincarnate a giant pig man and 2) the fact that his world is quite literally a wasteland with minimal food/tainted water/and all sorts of other nasty things. I can't even imagine the stress he was under during those frankly crucial developmental years, so it's highly likely that his body just... didn't fully develop due to a combination of him not getting enough to eat/drink and being on the run for most of his life (i.e lots of stress + probably a horrific sleep schedule). Moreover, both of these factors are what's known as endocrine disruptors, which can heavily affect mental and physical growth.

But now onto the dick-cannons: while he may not be the largest or thickest, I like to think Hyrule has a pretty good handle on what he's doing regardless*. Definitely not circumcised, considering his background (someone please tell him how to wash).

*(I once saw a headcannon that Hyrule probably used sex as a form of payment when things got tough, which I think is very underrated and absolutely true.)

Four: 5.5 inches. So I DEFINITELY did too much research on Four's, but I think y'all need to hear this. While I love the headcannon about Four's dick being 4 inches because his name is quite literally 'Four', I'm not sure anyone has tried to tackle this conundrum with his heritage in mind. Typically, penis size is influenced by parental genes, the person's own unique genes, and a combination of other external factors. For Four, we know for certain that he has Hylian parents, BUT he's also part Minish because of the events of Minish Cap. The Minish are typically described as anthropomorphic mouse people, so we can comfortably use mice as the basis for this genetic addition. Now, mice typically have a penis size of 10% of their body length (tip of nose to base of tail), which would concurrently put Four at 0.458333333 in feet, or 5.5 inches.

Dick-canons: probably circumcised. He's got the vibe of being pretty unassuming, but then he whips it out and everything suddenly makes sense. Balls* are on the bigger side (BREED), but no one's complaining.

*(Have you seen mice balls?? They're fucking [tee hee] massive. View at your own risk, but I couldn't have stopped the idea of Four like this if I tried. Yes yes I know this is a rat, but close enough!)

Wild: 5.6 inches. This one was probably the most difficult, because Wild's just... an average guy*. He doesn't have any non-Hylian transformations or crazy evolution history under his belt (tee tee), so all that really leaves is his height–which isn't a truly reliable measure of penile length, BUT we take what we can get in this blog–and background. It's somewhat implied that his father was a knight/someone who worked for the kingdom, which means he and Warriors were likely raised in very similar situations, though Wild's likely was a bit more stressful. For one, he pulled the Master Sword from its pedestal at the ripe old age of 12, and was immediately shipped off to guard Princess Zelda while she attempted to awaken her powers. While not as extreme as Hyrule's backstory, this is still a great deal of pressure for a child who arguably had a very peaceful life before finding the Master Sword, but I don't think he suffered any developmental conditions; even with the stress of finding out you're the Hero of Hyrule before you even finish puberty, it's reasonable to assume that Wild was physically cared for by the royal family, if only for the fact that his destiny was to defeat Ganon. Not just that, but there's the whole other issue of being stuck in a shrine for 100 years after dying; I'm no doctor, but that doesn't sound like favorable conditions for anyone. Obviously, the shrine heals him, but is that all it does? It's a well-known fact that water isn't good for skin**, especially considering he laid in it without moving for a century, so it's hard to imagine how his dick looked after the bath to end all baths.

Dick-canons: it glows– assuming he actually does have a penis, it's fairly average looking. Probably circumcised for military/cleanliness reasons, but he does have a very lovely vein running up the side of the shaft that always looks like it's about to pulse out of his dick. He should probably get that check out. Average sized balls, maybe a bit on the small side due to 100 years of cold water exposure.

*(I'm just going to come out and say this: all the Links are, at their core, average guys. Twilight was a goat herder. Time may or may not have been birthed by a tree and raised by tree people. Hyrule is just a simple traveler. Wind wasn't even chosen, he just wanted to save his sister. That's why they're so likable... they're not born special, or heroic, or anything. They're just dudes. Regular, selfless, boring, amazing dudes. Anyways enjoy the rest of my insanity.)

**(Is it wrinkly? Dried up? Completely and totally detached?? Laying in water for even a few days can cause severe medical complications, such as open sores, loss of skin elasticity, bacterial and fungal infections, and tissue decomposition. Cold water can temporarily slow the effects of decomposition because of adipocere formation, which is a phenomenon in which a waxy substance forms over the skin as a byproduct of fat decomposition, but not for 100 years. By this logic, Wild shouldn't be on this list because he shouldn't have a dick.)

Legend: 6 inches. Y'all already know where this is going. Unlike his successor, Legend didn't begin his first adventure until the age of 12, and lived a fairly stable life before hand thanks to his Uncle. This means that there likely wouldn't be too many developmental factors to worry about in determining the dick-cannons, so now we must turn to his rabbit-ifying encounter from his first adventure. I'm going to use the eastern cottontail rabbit (Sylvilagus floridanus) for this example because they're one of the most widely studied/available rabbit species. Now, cottontails typically reach 14-19 inches in length, but I'm going to go with 20 inches for Legend because he is CHONK, and also 20 is a lot easier to do math with. Keeping this in mind, WikiVet has informed me that rabbit penises can range from 20 to 45 mm in length. I'm going with 45 mm (4.5 inches) because he's a big boy and I also want him to have a big dick, so, when paired with the 20 inch body length, you'll find that approximately 8.86% of a rabbit's length is dick. Now that we know dick-to-body ratio, all that needs to be done is put that against Legend's height of 5'6", which leaves us with 5.8476 inches, but I added an extra 2 in to account for the fact that he is also hylian. It just feels right.

Dick-canons: Definitely a good choice if you're not sure what you want; bunny boy has many talents. Definitely has some breeder balls*, and I firmly believe he's curved just right for maximum pleasure. Probably circumcised because of his uncle, but he's secretly glad because it means he doesn't have to clean it like he would if he wasn't.

*(Yup, we're doing this again. Scientifically, rabbits have some of the highest sex drives of any animal, and are capable of breeding six hours after giving birth [WTF], which means this absolutely applies to Legend. He is never not down for a fuck.)

Sky: 6.3 inches. Prepare yourself because this one is very speculative. So, Sky was born on Skyloft, a set of islands in the sky. He was trained as a knight for most of his life and had a generally very peaceful life, so no endocrine disruptors or developmental discrepancies to worry about. Moreover, we know he started his journey at seventeen, which means he's at the tail-end of development. Now, instead of turning to some type of animal encounter, I'll turn to his Hylian heritage to answer this conundrum. I doubt there's anything out there with Skyloft's exact elevation, but it does appear to be a decent few thousand feet above the cloud barrier, which I've discovered are most likely altocumulus clouds, which typically form at an elevation between 6,000 to 20,000 feet. To calculate this, I watched a Skyward Sword gameplay video and determined that, in-game, it takes approximately 1:02.87 to reach the surface, and, assuming Sky/Link, is going at terminal velocity (the fastest an object can go while in motion, which happens to be 120 mph for belly-to-earth skydiving), this would put Skyloft at a roughly 7,544.4 foot elevation, which aligns with the altocumulus cloud prediction. There are only so many places on Earth that match such a high elevation, but I'm going to choose the Himalayas (which are inhabited by the Tibetan people, which are already known to have more capillaries and a more specialized hemoglobin function due to living in higher altitudes) as our comparer-region. Using this information, we can safely assume that Skyloftians, though fictional, who evolved in a very similar environment, may exhibit some similar traits to the modern-day Tibetan people.

While researching, I also discovered an incredibly interesting phenomenon called "airplane boners", which is a scientific occurrence where changes in pressure can cause erections (i.e. flying on a place), and decided that this would be perfect fuel for my scholarly degeneracy, which leads me to my next point: Sky has a big dick as an evolutionary response to what is colloquially known as the 'airplane boner'. Not convinced? Let me explain. When a penis is erect, arteries in the pelvic/penile region dilate to allow for greater blood flow, which thus increases the size of the penis itself. Now, imagine being at a high elevation for your whole life, surrounded by people whose ancestors have never lived anywhere else. I firmly believe that Skyloftians are well-endowed as an evolutionary response that allows the sustainment of larger blood vessels as a sort-of defense against high air pressure. Natural selection favors these traits because they ultimately lead to reproduction, which is the single-most important characteristic of evolution. 6.3 inches was a bit of an educated guess, but I believe that because the people of Skyloft evolved in a closed high-altitude ecosystem, it's entirely reasonable for Sky to be THICC because his body has a adapted to handle a greater hemoglobin factor and increased vascular capacity, likely in the penile region.

Dick-canons: due to the blood-vessel evolution, Sky's dick is likely thicker than average, with some very visible veins running up the sides; so many that it likely makes his dick appear incredibly flushed when erect. Contrary to what some of you may think, I don't think he has large balls, because it is likely more advantageous to have a smaller scrotum to combat the elements/conserve heat. So no breeder balls for him, but that doesn't mean he can't breed you just as good ;)

Twilight: 6.8 inches. I feel like this goes without saying, but he's a country boy. He's hung. Twilight grew up in Ordon, a close-knit community where everyone takes care of everyone, which means he most definitely had a very good childhood. Like some of the others, I see no reason to bring up developmental challenges due to being chased by a cult or some similar bullshit, so we're going to skip right to his transformation of a wolf at the beginning of his journey. Contrary to Legend and Four, I do not believe that this transformation affected him significantly in terms of penis appearance/size. Twilight was 17 when his adventure began, which means he already is at the end of physical development from a biological standpoint, and, in Linked Universe, his tattoos appear to be the only true physical mark on his hylian body, so it's safe to assume that we don't need to take this into consideration. Now, some of you may say: "Fyre, but your theories were so crazy for the other ones and now you're saying Twilight's hung because he's country??" Yes. Yes, I am saying that.

BUT.

There's a pretty solid theory running around that Twilight is a very small part Gerudo, due to Talon (Malon's father) having married/banged a Gerudo woman in secret. In LOZ, it's fairly obvious that the Gerudo are supposed to emulate modern-day Middle Eastern culture, which a study by the National Institute of Health states have an average penis length of 14.34, or 5.6 inches. Obviously, this is nowhere near 6.8, but this is also a race of mythical female warriors, so everything's a little skewed. However, in every iteration we see of the Gerudo, they're always tall, somewhat aggressive, and visibly muscled, which are all indicators of above-average levels of testosterone. This is highly important because, in addition to being required to build muscle mass, testosterone is heavily responsible for penis growth during puberty, meaning that Twilight could very well be the way he is because of this naturally-increased testosterone production (i.e why he's so visibly muscled compared to the other Links), plus an assumed more efficient vascular system due to his heritage. Adding on to this, Twilight likely already has booming levels of testosterone due to his very physical, very labor-intensive occupation as a rancher, plus the fact that he's in the prime of his life. In short, he's doing everything right: he eats well, works out, and has fairly decent emotional and mental health, all of which can be correlated with optimal penile development.

Dick-canons: Breeder balls to the MAX. All that extra testosterone has got to go somewhere, and it ain't his head. Fairly girthy, so prep is a necessity. Has one big vein right under the head that honest-to-god throbs when he's turned-on. Probably not circumcised because Ordon is fairly closed-off and I can't see them as being sticklers for that.

Warriors: 7 inches. While height isn't directly correlated with dick size, it is reasonable to assume that Warriors would be a bit higher on the list because of this, as well as his overall health in comparison to Hyrule and/or Legend. It's hinted that Warriors was raised in a very military-esque lifestyle, so it's not a surprise that he wouldn't have any true developmental setbacks in terns of penile length. Now, that doesn't mean we can't analyze the reasons why he's like this. Being raised in a militant environment means he was fed appropriately, participated in training regularly, and was likely taught stress-regulation habits (does he use them? no, but at least he knew them during his developmental years). Like Twilight, increased muscle mass is typically linked to elevated testosterone levels, and since Warriors has been training his whole life, it's reasonable to assume that these factors had a positive impact on his penile development. He and Twilight are very similar in this regard, except Twilight's size comes a bit more from favorable, wack genetics, though they both make sure to take care of themselves. However, Warriors is shown to be somewhat vain in Linked Universe canon (to the point that the other heroes have a running joke on it), which means it shouldn't be put past him to try more... under-the-table methods to ensue his 'perfection' reaches all aspects of his body, dick absolutely included. I'll leave it up to y'all on whether it's actual herbal/medical enhancements or sheer force of arrogance, but it's still a fun thought!

Dick-canons: Definitely circumcised (if not, definitely obsessed over keeping that shit squeaky clean). He's not as girthy as Twilight or Sky, but it'll definitely feel like he is from the way he wields it* during the deed. Doesn't have the biggest balls, but they'll definitely smack against any ass he can get his hands on.

*(There's a lot of speculation on whether Warriors is a manwhore or not, but I believe he's got experience. Definitely not in relationships, but one-night stands? Tavern hook-ups? He's done more of those than he's [un]willing to admit, but when it's someone he honestly, truly cares about? Slap a blush on him and call him a virgin, because he sure acts like it!)

Time: 7.3 inches. I saved the best for last. I want to preface this by saying that Time is HUGE, so obvious he's got to have a bitchbreaker in those britches, right? Right? Not exactly, because the version of Time we see in Linked Universe is the 'second' version; the one who got sent back in time by Zelda for Majora's Mask. This is HUGELY relevant because, honestly? Time likely took terrible care of himself over the course of Ocarina of Time, or at least somewhat neglected his needs in favor of completing his quest. Then, when he was sent back to being 12 years old in a new timeline by Zelda (Majora's Mask), you cannot convince me that he didn't have a major epiphany on how to actually take care of himself now that he was literally given another chance to get it right. He still trains, hard, but also knows his limits and, for the first time in his new life, he actually makes a point to start eating vegetables and drinking milk*, which give him all the essential nutrients to bridge the gap between surviving and living, especially during these crucial developmental years. Time genuinely makes an attempt to try. For himself, this time. And it pays off in the form of that fat-ass cock ;)

Dick-canons: a true bitchbreaker that will rail you six ways to Sunday. Not circumcised (bro was basically birthed by a tree), and definitely has breeder balls; he basically acts like he's in rut, and Twilight's got to get that trait from somewhere. Probably pretty veiny, like his hands (HNNNN), with just the slightest curve that'll have him hitting all the right spots.

*(Lon Lon milk all the way, my good readers.)

And, of course, I had to consult google:

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Who Dares Summon Me: Human Vaggie & Charlie

Vaggie: (sitting in the living room of a piece of shit apartment and reading from a "demon summoning" book. the sound of gunfire and police sirens barely even registers to her ears anymore)

Vaggie: Okay, so I got the Pentagram, a goat (glances at two goat plushies she stole from a name brand toy store) Fuckers will live..... they make millions in a day.

Vaggie: Candles... (glances at the Bath & Body Works, cinnamon and vanilla scented candles)

Vaggie: And... blood.... uh.... (Looks at the bucket filled with water, corn syrup, red food coloring, and cocoa powder to help create a blood effect) Fuck... demons can tell the difference between real and fake blood, right? Dammit.

Vaggie: (cuts her finger with her pocket knife and lets] a few drops fall into the bucket) There. That should work. Now, let's see-

Lute: (comes out of her room half naked and throws a pair of panties at Vaggie) Yo, Vagina! Adam stole your underwear again as a prank, I guess. Here.

Vaggie: (gawks as she catches the garment and spikes it to the floor) Lute! What the fuck?! Can't you control your fucking boyfriend??? How did he even get into my room?! I keep it locked for that reason.

Lute: (grabs a beer out of the fridge, pops the cap off on the counter, starts chugging, and flips off Vaggie as she returns to her room for whatever round she and Adam are on)

Vaggie: Sick perverted sons of bitches... (turns back to the book) Read the forbidden script and make a pact. (Scoffs) Okay, edge lords. I'll give it a go.

Vaggie: (recites the script with some difficulty)

..........

Vaggie: (relaxes her back against the couch) Can't say I'm surprised. I literally bought this online for six-

-Fire tornado erupts from the Pentagram and burning red eyes stare down at Vaggie from the inferno-

Demon Charlie: WHO dares summon the powerful Princess of Hell- Oh, fuck!!! (Trips over the bucket and falls face first into Vaggie's lap, revealing that she is wearing a red dress with black thigh high stockings)

Vaggie: Jesus Fucking Christ!!!

Demon Charlie: (face still pressed against Vaggie's crotch) You have a very comfortable lap.

Vaggie: (grabs demon's horns and pulls her up so they're sitting in front of each other) You're actually a demon?

Demon Charlie: (blinks) Considering the fact that you're still holding my horns, I have this adorable little tail (waves her heart-shaped tail in hello), and I came straight up from Hell because of your summoning circle. Yup! (Sees the plushies and gasps) Oh! You even gave Razzle and Dazzle their own conduits! You're so sweet!

Vaggie: ...........Who?

Demon Charlie: Razzle and Dazzle! You know. My pets. It's written in chatper six, paragraph five, sentence three. (Snaps her fingers and the two goat plushies turn into two living goat demons with wings)

Vaggie: (scouring the book) What?!

Demon Charlie: (snuggling her boys) Also, I know you had to use a little of your own blood to make this work, which I promise to help heal that cut on your finger by the way, but Thank You So Much for just using fake blood! I always feel so bad when people actually use a bucket of real blood. I usually let my dad take those summonings.

Vaggie: (glances at the bucket rolling across the floor then back to the demon) Y-Youre dad?

Demon Charlie: Lucifer, the King of Hell. (Light bulb goes off) Oh! I never completed my introduction! I'm Charlie Morningstar, Princess of Hell and heir to the throne. Pleased to meet you!

Vaggie: Uh.... Vaggie.... I never would have expected the Princess of Hell to be so..... bubbly....

Demon Charlie: I get that a lot. Now! What can I do for you? How can I help? Do you need money? Power? A soul you'd like for me to devour?

Vaggie: N-No... nothing quite like that....

Demon Charlie: Oh, thank Satan! I hate eating souls. Most of them taste so bad!

Vaggie: Uh-huh.... Well.... I don't really have anything for you. I got bored and decided I'd try this out...

Demon Charlie: (disappointed) Really? But you sold me your virginity. Surely, there's something you want in exchange!

Vaggie: I'm sorry. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

Demon Charlie: Drop of virgin blood and (holds up Vaggies lavender panties) an article of clothing that covers your most intimate desire.

Vaggie: (silently screaming)

Demon Charlie: H-Hey! If it makes you feel any better, I'm still a virgin, too! (Under her breath) Not from lack of trying on other asshole's accunts, but still....

Vaggie: Ay, Dios mio!

Demon Charlie: Well, I can't take your payment until you come up with something you want, soooooooo! (Transforms into a human)

Charlie: (snuggles up to Vaggie's side) I'll just have to stay here with you until you come up with something!

Vaggie: (catatonic)

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Request for basically the shrunken down s/o incident but with the Fontaine girls (Lynette, Furina and Navia) and March 7th from HSR

(Genshin Impact/H:SR) Lynette, Furina, Navia, and March 7th with their S/O being shrunk

Lynette picks up S/O, gently, staring at them curiously as her ears twitched.

(Lynette) "What happened?"

(S/O) "How am I supposed to know? And why are you picking me up by my shirt like I'm a cat?!"

Her tail swished for a brief moment, giving away her amusement.

(Lynette) "I'm not sure."

As funny as she finds it, she immediately finds every contact she knows to figure out what was going on with S/O.

All the while, Lynette had a hat on, with S/O underneath it.

She would have left them at home, but considering there were cats everywhere, that was not a good idea.

Once she learned that they would return to normal after a few days, she has them in her hands 24/7.

(Lynette) "...You're cute when you're bite sized like this."

(S/O) "I am NOT a cat toy, Lynette."

She's mildly concerned, but as long as she was watching over, nothing would happen.

Furina laughs at the sight of her pocket sized loved one.

(Furina) "What a splendid trick! Since when could you perform such a logic defying ability?"

(S/O) "N-Never!"

(Furina) "Hah!....Ha...Oh, you're serious."

Her smile vanishes quickly as she scoops up S/O into her hands.

(Furina) "Fear not my tiny beloved, for nothing will bring you harm!"

(S/O) "I-I'm not sure I trust you to handle me carefully!"

(Furina) "Nonsense! Come, we shall find Neuvilette to cure you of this!"

Which she learned, this cannot be cured, at least not instantly.

They would just have to wait it out.

Well, it's a good thing Furina is not beholden to anyone, as she sits at home and watches S/O.

She has tiny water familiars the size of S/O play around with them to pass the time.

(S/O) "I feel like I'm in an aquarium right now..."

(Furina) "Oh, is that something you'd like to go to?"

(S/O) "When I'm this size, no. I feel like you'd feed me to the fish."

(Furina) "Why do you have no faith in me, my dear?"

S/O stared at the fish currently circling them.

(Furina) "Playing with you, and using you as fish food are quite different things!"

(S/O) "But I bet you're wanting to see what happens with your vision, aren't you?"

(Furina) "N-No!"

(S/O) "..."

(Furina) "...Maybe a little-"

Navia blushes slightly at the small S/O currently on her table.

(Navia) "You're...SO CUTE!"

(S/O) "Not the word I would've chosen-"

Navia makes them yelp as she scoops them into her hand and rubs them against her cheek.

(Navia) "SO TINY! Oh my gosh, you're adorable!...W-Wait, how did you get that way?!"

Navia rushes around like a madwoman, trying to find a cure or someone who knows about this kind of thing.

Meanwhile, S/O has a full bodyguard detail outside their room, and around the table they're on.

(S/O) "Alright, even you have guys have to admit this is a little overkill."

(Bodyguard) "S/O, you know better than any of us that trying to reign Miss Navia in is a fool's errand."

(S/O) "...Fair point."

Once she learns that the duration will run its course for the next few days, she spends this time creating the smallest macarons in existence, solely for S/O.

She has them use dollhouse furniture so they have somewhere to sleep and eat.

(S/O) "You're having fun with this aren't you?"

(Navia) "Well, I can't say this is the worst thing we've done together!"

(S/O) sigh "Well, thank you anyway for taking care of me."

(Navia) "Oh please. I'd do this even if you were normal height!"

March 7th stares silently at the tiny S/O standing on her bed, looking panicked at their predicament.

(March 7th) "..."

SNAP!

(S/O) "D-DID YOU JUST TAKE A PICTURE OF ME!?"

(March 7th) "You're right!"

She immediately gets in frame of her phone to take a selfie with her tiny S/O.

(March 7th) "Okay, NOW let's see what the heck is happening!"

Of all the people to tell her S/O's affliction, it was Pom-Pom.

And that this wouldn't last more than a few days at worst.

Thank the Aeons.

That meant March could live this up!

The entire time, March is taking pictures of S/O, giggling lightly.

(S/O) "For the record, if this happens to you-"

(March 7th) "Then I'll be as adorably pint-sized as you!"

(S/O) "You can at least show a little more concern!"

(March 7th) "I am! It's why no one else is allowed in this room! I bet Caelus would use you to go dumpster diving."

S/O shuddered at the thought, the smell was already bad but being this small...

(March 7th) "You're much better as a paperweight!"

Despite her teasing and carefree nature, there was truth to her words.

She violently rejects entry for ANYONE to go into her room while S/O is in this state because she's worried.

But, this would be a fond memory down the line she felt!

[educatedsimps]

— inarizaki 4 x f!reader on her period (hcs)

≪ back to fics masterlist

ft. miya atsumu, miya osamu, kita shinsuke, suna rintarō x f!reader

a/n: only writing for these four (so far) 'cause i don't think i have a very good grasp of the other inarizaki characters but perhaps in the future! anyway this one's short and sweet but i hope you enjoy~~

cw: timeskip spoilers for osamu but that’s it

— MIYA ATSUMU

is a dumbass

this man would only know what to buy for a period care pack because kita got him a care pack when he was sick

“i picked up a few things from kita-san ya know, WHADDAYA TAKE ME FOR?!"

he gets anxious and worried that he'll forget stuff when he's at the store

like he had to ask kita to make him a checklist for when he gets supplies for u

would go on a day trip around the neighbourhood to find the store that has everything on that checklist

keeps that checklist pinned in his notes app (right below a little note where he writes down everything he loves about you - he's a simp)

he's always worried he missed something so he will not shut up

"are you sure the pads are in there? did i get the right ones? the big ones with the wings right? the extra absorbent kind? I SWEAR I TOOK THE RIGHT ONES BUT IF THEY'RE NOT IN THE BAG I'LL RUN BACK TO GET IT FOR YA RIGHT NOW" (he took the bus there btw)

"oh and they ran out of the usual snacks you like so i got three other brands for you to try, if you don't like any of 'em i'll get some more!"

asks osamu to make your fav onigiri too but he only asks nicely cuz it’s for you :)

— MIYA OSAMU

would make SO MUCH food for you like you’ll never go hungry if you’re with him

he also does not care if you bloat during your period he WILL keep you fed even if it's against your will

would also find a bunch of different recipes that will reduce your bloating

he's an onigiri guy but he'd go to his mom and ask her to teach him her healing soup recipes

he'll start making so much soup you'll just be drinking soup the whole day (with onigiris and anything else you'd like, of course)

would NOT let you within a 10 foot radius of a cold drink when you're on your period

like you'd go to the fridge in the middle of a hot day to grab some chocolate and you'll just hear "STEP AWAY FROM THE FRIDGE WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR"

you turn around and he’s pointing at you with his spatula in hand

he knows how warm you might feel on your period though so he'll make the kind of hot soup that cools the body (he learnt it from his mom)

— KITA SHINSUKE

kita is kita

kita is the best one out of everybody

he KNOWS what he’s doing like i don’t even need to explain

but yes you can trust that he’s got everything you need and has everything before you even know you need it

fav snacks, fav drinks, heating pad, painkillers, a gallon of water, hot soup, fresh food, weighted blanket if you like those, your fav movie or show already set up for you and a shit ton of cuddles and naps throughout the day

also he’d write in or call your boss to tell him or her that you’re staying home

“kita, i NEED to go to work today-“ “no. you need to rest.” “but-“ “i already called your boss.” BRO IT’S 6AM

will physically force you back in bed if you try to get up or out

also asks osamu to make ur fav onigiri

of course, his grandma loves u SO much that every month she’ll ask kita if you’re on your period and she'll make herbal or like the healing kind of soup and packs it so nicely for kita to bring it to you

sometimes she adds a little note in the carrier and your heart melts every single time

— SUNA RINTARŌ

king of cuddling and doomscrolling tiktok in bed

he knows you don’t really like lying down in bed and all during your period, especially if it’s really heavy so he’ll lay out extra towels and stuff in case anything happens

also would 100% clean up for you if your period gets too heavy and leaks onto the bed or something

“go get yourself cleaned up in the washroom and wait here for me once you’re done. don’t touch anything, i’ll take care of the sheets.”

keeps painkillers and water on his nightstand and a ton of heating pads in his drawer

ENDLESS CUDDLES like he gets so clingy it’s almost embarrassing but he’s cute so-

uses tiktoks to distract you from your period

“my period hurts-“ “babe look look look it’s a cat” “AWWWWW ITS SO FLUFFY”

tbh i don’t think you’d even use heating pads much if you were with him cuz you cannot look at suna and tell me that he’s not a heater in human form

his warm hands on your lower belly is the BEST feeling when you’re on your period

*places hands on tummy* “does it still hurt?” “no i think it’s going away…” “it better be. or i’m dragging your cramps to the depths of hell myself.”

— EXTRAS

osamu probably makes extra batches of onigiri every week just to give it out to his brother’s and friends’ girlfriends and honestly God bless him for that

would give atsumu’s girlfriend atsumu’s share of onigiri tho

the first time you got your period after you got together with kita, he probably asked you a whole list of questions he prepared and noted down all your answers like your fav stuff and the types of pads or tampons you use etc. it was honestly pretty shocking but sweet nonetheless

suna def has the period tracker app on his phone but he remembers your cycle so he uses the app to remind you

atsumu also has the app but he sets it to send him reminders and notifications when your period is coming up

a/n: THANK YOU FOR READINGG hoped u enjoyed it ~~ stay tuned for more original and requested works coming soon!! -lyssa

© educatedsimps 2024. do not repost, copy, translate or plagiarize any work from this blog on tumblr or any other platforms. if you do, the simps will hunt you down. likes and reblogs are appreciated!

[evilminji]

Actually? WOULD Earth be the ones to petition Oa?

They are interstellar Space Interpol. You don't usually call them on different parts of your OWN settlements or systems. You call them in when someone is breaking THE Laws. Not necessarily YOUR laws, though obviously by breaking THE laws they clearly ARE. But THE Big Laws(tm).

Like Geneva Convention for Space type laws.

You have discovered Planet or King X is committing WAR CRIMES. Call Oa. Tax fraud? That's an inter-personal planet side issue they can't help you with. Pointing Nukes at your nursery settlement and threatening to blow up the infants there unless you give them sex-slaves?

Knock-knock! Taste HARD Light Constructs!

But if so? Then how would the situation get so out of hand on Earth? With the G.I.W.? Simple. Tell me, Mr. President, what do you know of the current day to day life of villagers in rural Siberia?

That they exist? Could you even NAME their village, if I referenced specific individuals? Likely not. And no one would realistically expect you too.

There are countless planets out there! With Leaders busy with local industrial conferences and infrastructure bills. Farming regulations. Talks with that planet a few stars over. Very busy. What do THEY know of Earth? Why would they NEED too?

But! As we know, Ectoplasm is EVERYWHERE. Not just earth. And? Thin spots are not just an Earth-centric phenomenon. Other planets most CERTAINLY would have them too. And depending on the species? The culture? To quote the wise sage Bill Wurtz "you can make a religion out of this!"

After all, chosen few, returned from death... glowing and more powerful then before? Immortal? It's a pretty reasonable conclusion to come too. They are clearly Gods Touched. Some sacred task they must complete.

It would likely even shape the ghosts of the region themselves. After all, they TOO, would believe they were chosen for some Important Religious Task. Be it study or collecting rocks. To what end? Unknown. Who are they to question The Gods?

But! Oh happy day! The old tyrant is no more! A chosen Hero! They go to greet him! Honor him, as you do. Traditional gifts and ballads. Maybe some sacred rocks. A fancy hat. But? Oh? The Champion is wounded! Gasp! Still? But the fight with Pariah happened-

And then they are given Grave Warning(tm). Don't go to Earth. Heretics attacking people. KILLING souls! Trying to KILL the king of all the Infinite! He is somber because his living parents were hurt. Preventing the END OF ALL THINGS!!!??

WHAT!?

These "People In White" tried to EXPLODE the very FABRIC of all realities!? Several of them faint. Truely, these Fentons MUST be chosen by the Gods! Heros. Legends. Such bravery in the face of such HORRORS. Please, let them be brought to their Living counterparts! The hospitals are quite good!

And you know what? Fuck it. Danny will take that. Because his Mom n Dad got hurt. BAD.

They learned he was Phantom at probably the SINGLE worst time imaginable and still chose HIM. Chose THEM. The GIW were coming for him. Gonna hurt Jazz. And his parents told them, with fire and blood, it'd be a cold day in hell before they let them so much as TRY it.

They BLEW UP their own life's work. Went literally scorched earth. And now? They're not doing so good.

Because the Zone isn't made for the living. No food, no water, and no real human-safe medical supplies. They've run out. Danny will take what he can get. He'd even go to Vlad but... his Portal's gone too. And the Buzzards said he looked... spirally. Very... "suicide runs until everything BURNS".

So, yeah. No one's doing so great.

Alien planet it is.

They are greeted with fanfare and respect. The best medical teams on the PLANET. The King and his family is there, to welcome him. It's... it's beautiful. Hardly some perfect utopia, but the air is lite. Art everywhere. The stars vivid and so easy to see, at night.

The King kinda reminds him of Mr. Lancer to be honest. Balding and a bit round around the middle, stern but endlessly fair about it, wants people to do their best and succeed in life. Maybe that's why Danny finds himself opening up. Because... because here is a real, honest to God, KING king.

Somebody who was actually TRAINED to do all this King stuff.

Unlike Danny.

And Danny? He's scared. People expect him to Lead now. To know what he's doing. To somehow just... suddenly KNOW how to do all these things he's never even heard about. He only barely just died. Has BARELY been keeping everybody safe.

BARELY stopped Pariah.

He doesn't know what to do. But he pours his guts out. All the things that have bottled up. And King Not-Lancer listens. Somber and thoughtful. There is little, if anything he can TRUELY do to help. But... there ARE things he can do. Lessons on statescraft, while he's here, for one.

As for the other? Well, as King, he does have the local Lantern's Call Sign. Not to be used lightly, mind you. But what Danny describes? And from what the Sacred Ones have reported? THAT must be reported to Oa. He can show Danny how to do that.

(He does)

[The Lanterns of Earth get a VERY exciting call from Oa. Are every different shade of pissed. But? Whoops! Looks like they ACCIDENTALLY put the Watchtower into a complete Quarantine! Well, dang. Guess we're all stuck here for two weeks!

Reset it? *sound of smashing computer terminal* Yeah, don't think that's gonna work! :)

WHO WANTS TO PLAY 20 QUESTIONS?? We'll start! :) Who here has heard of an organization called, and I quote, The Ghost Investigation Ward? :) ]

@hdgnj @ailithnight @nerdpoe @the-witchhunter

[idv-sunsxin3]

Rody Lamoree // Random Dating HCs

{Dead Plate and characters belong to Studio Investigrave}

Note// He is like, 80% my type... I love him, though, dhdbdb I guess it's gn for s/o. I'm kinda a straight girl (who loves bl and yuri---), so sorry if I sound too straight./ih

•He is clingy, extremely affectionate, and touch starved... Relationships didn't end well with him because of that. But you managed to soften that by giving him plenty of love and attention when you both make time for each other. You can't say no to his puppy eyes;;;

•Can't cook for his life, is either you teach him how to cook or you both order takeout. If you do decide to teach him, he might fail miserably once in a while like injuring himself somehow or burn water--- he'll feel so bad that he is the reason you're carrying burden through the process but he'll sob more once he notices how patient, caring, and supportive you are while guiding him...

Rody// *sobs while looking at Y/N as if they're god*

Y/N // you okay there, babe?

•He'll die peacefully when he gets called pretty boy, Honey, hunny bunny, puppy, darling- no matter how cheesy or weirdly cute, it is Honey, him feel so giddy amazing 🥺✨️

•He is canonly buff and strong, so I can't help but imagine he is more than happy to carry you around on his shoulder or in bridal style to the point you don't even need to walk at all when he's with you/ih

•He'll compliment you a lot. He is your #1 fan. He'll quickly notice the changes in your appearance in one glance.

•New Haircut? Worshipping you right now. You wore something new? He'll take pictures of you in different angles, including selfies of both of you - red carpet material. You did your nails? Oh god, slay... Oh, what's this? A keychain you bought? That is so cool. He'll be so dramatic about it that it's so funny;😭

•Like man-- he's so supportive. Overwhelmingly supportive. He won't deny anything you decide and just support you till the end-- Like he's too in love to even care. He wouldn't even help but smush your cheeks together and say, "WTH WHY ARE YOU SO PRETTY AUGHHH;;;" (thx to the sketch Rachel made;;;)

•He'll usually respond to you whenever you text him - or even as soon as possible to respond back through letters. He always loves your voice, so there would be times he asks if you can call each other. Having him lean to the side of the wall as he is blushing by the soft whispering in his ear you make through the phone.

•He'll do all his power to spoil you with gifts and expensive dates despite being broke. He'll go the extra mile to always do something so special in your anniversaries.

•Even in Valentine's Day, to the point he may forget to treat himself... you gotta remind him that his birthday is your pride and joy. Like, it's the day god blessed you for letting a beautiful being like him spawn/lh

•HEAR ME OUT- I'm looking respectfully.... No one should deny that this man is pretty muscular ♥️ He is so bashful when you praise his strength. You would also have the privilege to touch his biceps or lean your head on his chest,,,(I swear I'm normal). Just the feeling of you tracing his arm, shoulder, spine, and chest makes him go crazy and so down bad -

•He won't stop talking about you once a question related to you comes up - the victim will never hear the end of it -

•Canonly when you date him, He'll give you flowers that are plucked out of the ground since he cannot afford to bye a prettier bouquet from a flower shop...

•When he's sad, you have to give him words of assurance or hold him close... You can even order any kind of fast/junk food, and he'll be so happy that you would do that for him😭🥺

•If you happen to be smaller than him, he would find the opportunity to hover over you and wrap you up with his hoodie or coat before pulling you to an embrace. Kinda like shoving your head inside the coat;;;

•Besides writing songs and playing the guitar for you, he would also try to sing for you if he wasn't so hella shy about it. hhh;(he sings surprisingly decently tho!!!)

•He loves having a bike ride with you- he once promised that if he ever affords a car, you'll always get the passenger princess treatment, no buts!!!

[lsunstreakerl]

Feeding Pebble:

[Search History Verse]

Messages between [you] and [Chéri 💖]

Max: hey schat, can you do me a favor

Charles: yes of course

Max: can you feed Pebble for me

Charles: who is Pebble

Charles: do we have a new pet?

Max: Pebble is my sourdough starter

Charles: ...

Charles: .........

Charles: you know I hate that thing

Max: don't say it where she can hear you please

Charles: STOP TALKING ABOUT IT LIKE ITS ALIVE

Max: but it is alive

Max: that's why I need you to feed it

Max: I want to make bread later

Charles: maaaaaax

Charles: can't you feed it when you get home?

Charles: please?

Max: :(

Max: :((

Charles: please don't start with the frowny faces

Max: :(((

Charles: FINE

Charles: I will feed your creepy bread thing

Charles: never let it be said I do not love you

Max: :)

Charles is armed and ready. He's wearing the stupid gag gift apron Valtteri had gifted him last year, that says 'Blow the Chef!' In fancy cursive across the front. It's pattered with little dicks. He'd laughed so hard he cried when he opened it as his white elephant gift at the Christmas party, because none of them even cook their own food anyways.

Since then, it's been banished to the very depths of their hall closet, but he'd brought it out today, for this very specific warfare.

He does not want to get eaten by Max's creepy parasite bread thing. It's clearly infected his beloved boyfriend's brain, because it makes him feed it and water it and name it fucking Pebble, but it will not get Charles. He refuses.

He has oven mitts over both hands, and he's dragged a pair of goggles from their "work sponsored box of tricks" he and Max keep in their office. They're Redbull branded, from some kind of snowsports collab, but it's not like anyone's around to see it anyways.

He approaches the jar that's invaded their kitchen counter, uses a pair of tongs to gingerly lift the lid.

It pops and bubbles, and Charles feels his stomach roll. He hates this thing.

Next comes a salad spoon, which is 100% getting thrown away after this, as he scoops out a huge chunk of it, flinging both the starter and spoon into the trash bin.

He leans over to check his directions from Max again, reaching for the flour, dumping what is probably close to the right amount into the jar.

Pebble gurgles. Charles gags.

He grabs the water he'd set out, pouring it from as high up as possible while also leaning back as far as his body allows, squinting his eyes just in case Pebble is unsatisfied and decides to expand and eat him.

As soon as the water is in the jar, he's grabbing a stirring spoon, the longest one they have. He's only doing this for exactly the three minutes Max has instructed, because he feels like the white guy in a horror movie who's about to die.

Done.

The spoon also gets chucked into the bin, and he's slamming the jar shut, shoving it back to its corner of the counter.

He watches it tensely for a moment, the way it moves and pops inside the jar.

He fucking hates Pebble, stupid little yeasty homewrecker, taking so much of Max's time and attention, all while being ugly.

Messages between [you] and [Chéri 💖]

Charles: I fed the thing

Max: thank you <3

Charles: never ask me to do that again

Charles: I thought I was going to die

Charles: or it was going to explode

Max: but you like the bread I make with it?

Charles: that's different

Max: oh of course

Max: I appreciate you doing that

Charles: thank you

Charles: I was very brave

Max: I'm sure you were, schat

[muldj0rd]

I want to taste her lips, yeah, ‘cause they taste like you || Brocedes

Summary: Lewis has spent years looking at Nico and Vivian having the perfect relationship. Lewis had spent years looking at them kissing, wishing it was him in Vivian's body. Lewis had spent years hearing Nico's name being moaned from the hotel room beside his, wishing it was his throat they came from

Warnings: Cheating, angst, talk about Lewis getting kicked out as a teenager, coming out, anal, anal fingering, top Nico, bottom Lewis

Masterlist || AO3

'Never found the right one' 'Focusing on racing' 'Commitment issues' 'No good at relationships'. All the things Lewis said when he was asked about any romantic partners

'I want to kiss my best friend's wife's lips because they taste like him' Is the words he never said but the words he meant

Lewis has spent years looking at Nico and Vivian having the perfect relationship. Lewis had spent years looking at them kissing, wishing it was him in Vivian's body. Lewis had spent years hearing Nico's name being moaned from the hotel room beside his, wishing it was his throat they came from

It had become sickening lately.

"How's your new neighbour?" Vivian asked as she poured some food for Lewis as they sat in her and Nico's apartment

Lewis knew what Vivian was hinting at "Oh, um... She's nice. Quite lovely" Lewis nodded softly, putting some food into his mouth.

Nico noticed the change. Everything from the change in his shoulders and the hitch in his breathing

"Not your type?" Vivian chuckled softly, not noticing how her husband was looking confused at his best friend

"No" He shook his head slightly "She's too... French" He chuckled softly "She's pretty 'n stuff, but..." He shrugged slightly, taking a sip of the water in his glass, his throat feeling dry at the stare he got from Nico

Nico noticed this too. Lewis always distracted himself from stares he felt uncomfortable with

---

Lewis sat on the kitchen counter, watching as Nico cleaned the dishes from dinner that he had insisted Lewis didn't need to help with. Vivian had to run to the store to get something for the dessert.

Nico talked... A lot, but Lewis couldn't stop thinking about how the two Germans had kissed before Vivian left.

"You like someone" Nico sighed, turning off the faucet, and drying his hands softly.

Lewis only answered when Nico kicked his foot softly "What makes you think that?" He chocked out, furrowing his brows together

"You act like you did back before you were dating Nicole" Nico chuckled, leaning back against the sink, crossing his arms over his chest.

Lewis nodded softly, looking into the floor, refusing to look at Nico

"What? You're too much of a chicken to ask her out?" Nico chuckled softly "Doesn't seem like you"

"They're married" Lewis mumbled, not correcting Nico on the gender

He never told Nico about his sexuality. He was too afraid to. His dad kicked him out at 16 when he told him... He spent a week at his mother's place, having no contact with his father until Anthony realised he needed the money Lewis was winning. He was afraid Nico would do the same

"How long?" Nico asked curious- Like it was going to make a difference

"Only a year, but they've been together for a lot longer" He explained with a sigh

"Okay. Kids?" Lewis shook his head softly "Marital problems?" Lewis shook his head slightly again "How long have you known her?"

Her. He felt sick just at the thought of it being a her "Almost my whole life" He cleared his throat softly.

"Do I know her?" Lewis didn't answer. Not even a slight shrug or a twitch of his head. Nico sighed softly at Lewis's silence "Maybe you should just tell her, and see what happens"

Lewis scoffed softly "Nico, he's married-" "He?" Lewis stopped breathing. His heart was in his throat, pounding out of his body.

"Lew, why didn't you tell me?" Nico asked softly. Lewis still didn't answer- he couldn't get himself to breathe "That's why your father kicked you out" Nico realised, saying the words with a sigh "And you were afraid I'd do the same" Lewis nodded softly, allowing himself to breathe again.

"Man, I don't hate you. I don't care who you like. You're still my best friend" Friend. Nico couldn't bare the silence in his kitchen "I liked a boy once when we were younger" Lewis came out, why couldn't Nico do it as well? Two flies with one hit

"You did?" Lewis asked softly, almost in a whisper "Why didn't you tell me?" It drew a chuckle out of both of them

"It was before Vivian and I started dating, but we were still friends. I told her, but she convinced me I was just fond of him" He chuckled, taking a few steps closer to the Brit, now leaning against the counter beside Lewis' body "Grew up and realised I wasn't just fond of him" He chuckled softly.

There was silence again.

"Lewis, who is he?" Nico asked a little more serious now, walking to stand in front of him. Lewis looked away, but Nico turned his head back by his chin, a whimper almost escaping Lewis' lips.

Nico wasn't sure, but he think he got the message right just by the look in Lewis' eyes. Nico leaned in, so slow that Lewis could pull away at any given moment if he was wrong.

He didn't pull back. He grabbed Nico by the waist, drawing him in quicker, a yelp escaping him by the surprise of it, but he kissed back immediately.

One of Nico's hands was placed beside Lewis's hip, the other softly holding his jaw. Lewis spread his legs, one hand on Nico's waist, the other in his hair, drawing him closer, the kiss getting more heated.

Lewis was so engaged in the kiss and the feeling of Nico's lips that he didn't hear the front door open- Thankfully did Nico, pushing himself away from Lewis to go greet his wife. With a kiss of course. Nico would always go back. He'd always go back to his wife.

---

Dessert was awkwardly silent between the two "What happened while I was gone? You're suddenly so quiet" Vivian chuckled, the two men shifting slightly in their seats, their dessert barely touched.

"Just tired, Schatz" Nico leaned in, kissing his wife on the cheek. It can never happen again. It was a mistake. Actions spoke louder than words.

Lewis was quick to leave after dessert, his own barely touched. He was afraid if he stayed any longer that he'd say or do something stupid that he couldn't explain later.

---

Lewis was not new to insomnia. He was used to the sleepless nights. This one was different though. He had kissed Nico. He had kissed his best friend, and their friendship was most likely ruined by now.

He wondered if Nico was a wake as well. He probably wasn't. He had probably fucked Vivian so good they were both passed out by midnight.

Nico had probably fucked Vivian so good to make himself forget everything that happened in the kitchen. It made Lewis think- could Nico be in the kitchen again without thinking of Lewis?

Maybe he'd fuck Vivian there too, deleting every memory of Lewis in there. Maybe Nico had fucked her against the very same spot Lewis was sitting when they kissed.

Nico wasn't asleep

Sure, he had fucked Vivian to try and forget- hoping it'd make his mind forget itself. He wasn't tired though. He couldn't sleep with the thoughts of Lewis in his mind.

It wasn't happy memories replaying in his head when he said he thought about Lewis at night- It was the kind of thoughts he shouldn't have with Vivian lying on his chest, their bodies interlocked, the only piece of clothing covering her body beside panties being one of his t-shirts.

Is Lewis sleeping in the shirt Nico gave him? Nico asked himself, his eyes closed. He liked the thought- the thought of Lewis sleeping in a shirt Nico gave him that he didn't want anymore.

He liked it too much. Evidently too much. All his blood had gone south at the thought of Lewis in his clothing. The thought of fucking Lewis in his clothing

Fuck- he shouldn't. His wife laying on his chest while thinking of fucking his best friend while he's wearing his clothes.

Nico probably had to go to the Vatican City if he could- get a cleansing or some shit. Drown himself in holy water.

He can't ignore his boner. He's beyond hard. He should've done something about it 5 minutes ago- he should've stopped thinking about Lewis like that 5 minutes ago- he shouldn't have thought about him like that at all.

He had two options. Take care of it, or ask Lewis if he is still awake. Option one is the right thing.

Nico You awake?

Option two is what his mind chose

Lewis Yes

It was difficult to get Vivian off of his chest without waking her up, but he managed. He couldn't think of anything else but Lewis as he walked down the few stairs of the stairwell.

He knocked softly on the door, his hand shaking slightly. Lewis barely managed to get the door open before Nico pushed the door further open, walking into the apartment.

Nico closed the door behind him with his foot, pushing Lewis up against the hallway table, one hand on the Brit's waist, the other on his jaw.

Lewis yelped softly at the suddenness and the small pain in his back as he got pushed against the small table. As soon as Nico heard the small yelp, he leaned in and kissed Lewis passionately.

Lewis drew Nico closer, causing the blond to moan slightly into his mouth as his crotch was pressed up against Lewis' thigh "Was Vivian to no help?" Lewis chuckled softly

"She was- Is asleep" Nico panted softly against Lewis's lips

"So I was the next best thing?" Lewis meant it as a joke, but he really was hurt that he would always be the second choice

"Don't say that?" Nico said, leaning away from the kiss, his lips wet from both of their shared spit "You have always been and will always be my first choice" He panted slightly

"You got married. She's your first choice" Lewis yelped softly when Nico pulled him away from the small table and guided him into the bedroom, his lips back on his

Nico softly pushed Lewis onto his bed, getting in between his legs, and forcing them open. Lewis's hands went to the hem of his shirt, but Nico wrapped his hands around his wrists when he realised which shirt it was

"You sleep in my shirt?" Nico asked breathlessly

Lewis shrugged as best as he could "It's comfy. Problem with that?" He chuckled softly

"No" Nico moved down Lewis's body "Keep it on," He said, pulling Lewis's sweats and briefs down.

"W-why? Gonna fuck me in it or something?" Lewis's voice shook slightly as he reached over to the bedside table to get the lube from the drawer, handing it to Nico

"Damn right, I am" Lewis hated how Nico was always so much more confident than himself.

Lewis whimpered softly at Nico's answer, closing his legs as best as he could- which was short-lived when Nico forced them back open again after he had gotten the lube warmed up on his fingers.

Nico chuckled softly when Lewis whimpered at the feeling of Nico circling his hole with his lubed fingers.

"Nico- Please" Lewis whined quietly, Nico drawing the time out unnecessarily long "Need it- Need you" He panted heavily.

"I got you, Schatz" Nico soothed Lewis, slowly pushing in a single finger, loving the small whimper he let out and the way he grabbed Nico's biceps.

Nico slowly started moving his finger, pulling both whines and whimpers out from the man below him. Nico eventually got Lewis worked up to three fingers, having him a moaning mess under him the more he curled his fingers to hit his prostate.

Nico slowly pulled his finger out of Lewis, chuckling softly at the desperate whine Lewis let "I was so close" He mumbled as Nico wiped his finger clean onto Lewis's thigh.

"You don't want me to fuck you?" Nico mocked a pout, standing up from the bed

"No, no- I do want- I wasn't-" Nico shut Lewis's nervous trembling up with a forceful kiss, leaving Lewis panting when he pulled back again.

"Just lay back" Nico chuckled softly, leaning back to pour lube onto himself, giving himself a few strokes before lining up with Lewis.

Lewis whimpered softly as Nico pushed into him, both moaning when he had pushed in. Lewis's skin burned where he could feel Nico's hand. It wasn't his hand that burned, but the cold wedding band that dug into his skin.

The feeling was quickly forgotten when Nico started moving slowly and softly at first. Lewis's whimpers encouraged him to go faster and harder, angling his hips to thrust into his prostate, moans ripping from Lewis's throat.

When Lewis started leaking onto his stomach, his back arched sharply and his nails digging into Nico's biceps- most definitely leaving a mark behind, did Nico wrap his hand around his neglected cock, stroking him to the same speed as his thrusts, the Brit came quite quickly after that, squeezing tightly around Nico.

A few more firm thrusts where Nico avoided Lewis's prostate, and he came, pressing his hips firmly against Lewis's ass, a string of German curses being moaned.

"You are always my first choice" Nico panted as he lay softly on top of Lewis.

---

As they sat in the tub, Lewis's back pressed against Nico's front, Lewis took Nico's right hand, softly slipping his wedding ring off of him, putting it on the counter beside the tub "It annoys me" He sighed, to which Nico chuckled softly.

"He was it?" Lewis asked curiously, turning his head to look at Nico

"Who was who?" He asked confused, wrapping his arms more tightly around Lewis, like he was afraid he was gonna evaporate

"The boy you were 'fond' of" Lewis clarified, with a small smirk

"It was you, dumbass" Nico smiled softly when Lewis became flustered. The blond leaned in, kissing Lewis's neck softly "It has always been you"

[w2soneshots]

So you know how jj's mum is just the sweetest person on earth so how bout ksi x reader where they're at jj's mums house and his mum just keeps stealing reader from him

love your work <3

The favourite -KSI

words: 0.4k+

warnings: none.

summary: you go for lunch at JJ’s parent’s house and his mum absolutely loves you.

notes: hi babe! I completely agree, I love JJ’s mum🫶🏼. This is quite short since I couldn’t think of anything else to write🤗. Enjoy!!💓

Today me and JJ are going to his parent's house for lunch. It's only going to be with his mum though because his dad's at work. I got ready then once we'd left I asked JJ if we could stop off at our local grocery store. He asked what I needed but I just told him that I'd be back in a minute. A few minutes later I returned to the car with a bright bunch of flowers, for his mum. "Aw that's cute." He said as I put my seatbelt back on.

Once we arrived I knocked on the door. "y/n! Come on in baby!" She cheerfully led me inside. Then pulled me into a warm hug. "How are you?" She asked me, after quickly saying hello to JJ. "Great! I got you these." I smiled as I passed her the flowers. "Oh my! How thoughtful." She generously thanked me.

After taking our shoes and coats off we took a seat in the living room. Yinka asked me how my parents were doing, if I'd cooked any new recipes recently and if JJ had been behaving himself. I giggled at the last question then answered that he had. She left to begin making lunch. Then a few minutes later she popped her head back into the living room to ask if I could quickly help her with something.

As I walked into the kitchen she immediately began whispering "so, has he really been behaving?" She asked in her thick accent. I laughed "yes he has, don't worry." I replied. She seemed satisfied with my answer then asked me to poor some rice into the boiling water. I did as she said and continued to be her little helper.

"Are you alright?" JJ asked as he joined us. I turned. "Yep." Then I continued plaiting up the food. "It's almost ready, come sit." Yinka pointed to the table I had just set. Once everything was ready we all sat down to eat. "This looks amazing!" The plate had chicken, two different types of rice, macaroni cheese and potatoes. And it was well seasoned.

We began eating and I'd never tasted food like it. "We're gonna have to come here more often." I joked, but I was actually being serious. Yinka chuckled "you're always welcome darling, I love when you come and visit." JJ smiled "yea, I'm starting to think you like y/n more than me." "Uh. No I love you both the same amount." She replied, sending me a wink.

[hellsslibrary]

✧･ﾟ:*NSFW Alphabet with Jack Howl*:･ﾟ✧

DNI : minors.

!!Warnings : sub!bottom!Jack, heats, oral, soft sex, size difference, animal instincts (?), shower sex, handjob, sweat(?), male reader.

Riddle <————«« Jack »»————> Ruggie

Sawanaclaw. Jack Howl.

A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex?)

He doesn't get particularly tired, he has a lot more exercise than a few rounds of sex, so he's pretty good. Although if you are tired, then he will do everything for you in fact. Water, shower, food, anything else? It will certainly be in your hands.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I do not think that he is one of those who will highlight something in his partner. It's like he loves you completely and doesn't highlight any parts of you, he just doesn't need to. He loves you all without a trace, completely, every part of you.

The same can be said about him. He will not love something more about himself than anything else. Although he is definitely proud of his muscles

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

His sperm is released in large enough quantities, I would say more than average. It is thicker than normal and less transparent than normal human.

As for your sperm, he absolutely does not care where you end up. Although he definitely prefers you to cum inside him because it satisfies his animal instincts a little, especially during his heats.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It finds you hot when you are tired after exercising/sports/etc. Like really, you're out of breath, soaked in sweat, and take off your shirt with a heavy sigh of relief that it's over... And if you also have muscles... Damn... The poor boy will have a boner on the spot, lol.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

He is not. He is definitely a virgin. It's just, well, I doubt he's ever been interested in it to the point where he'd go and do it with anyone. Although he knows what he's doing, that's for sure.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Doggystyle lol. What did you expect? Any self-respecting person imagined themselves fucking someone from Sawanaclaw in this position. Although his tail can sometimes get in the way in this pose, as he begins to wag a lot.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Yes, he is definitely serious. Like... I'm not even going to discuss it.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I don't know, I don't think he takes much care of his hair there, he just cuts it when it gets too long, but he doesn't do anything else. He has a normal pubis with hair, not too much nor too little. And the hair on the carpet is darker than on the drapes, very very darker.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He is a romantic but doesn't want to admit it. He's just shy about it though, but his tail always gives him away.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

No, he doesn't do it often. Or maybe not at all after your relationship has moved to an intimate level. Why does he need this if there is your dick? Hands? Mouth? Whatever else? You are much better at keeping him satisfied than he is.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Handjob? I really don't know why. I just like to think that he likes to jerk you off with his strong hands or boobs. Breeding kink. I think I don't have to explain it. Like he's literally a wolf, like a hybrid animal. It is clear that he has something similar. Oh, and of course a kink to the size difference! It doesn't matter which way it works, whether you are above or below it, less or more. It's just nice anyway.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Well... I think he likes sex against the wall. It doesn't matter how. You hold him, you press him or he lean on it. He just likes it when you are in the position of a predator, and he is prey from this point of view.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

In general, the usual degree of excitability, he is excited by things that he likes. Again, you're sweaty and tired, yes. Maybe you wearing tight clothes, he likes to look at your curves.

N = NO (Something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

Of course he wouldn't hurt you, it's a clear no-no for him. Also, he would never share you with anyone in any way.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He loves to give, of course. He loves to give you pleasure and loves to watch you enjoy the pleasure he gives you.

But he definitely loves when you give. Definitely, also, prefers a blowjob than anything else.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

A fan of something tender and loving, of course. He doesn't want to admit it though, hehe. But when he's in heat, he wants you to fuck him fast so you can be rough with him.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

No, not a fan of this kind of activity. Although he doesn't mind since he has something in his head (you'll find out later in W). But still, he would prefer a long sex, rather than an act where you will fuck, as if in the last minutes of life.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Well... He... Yes? I guess yes. He's experimental and willing to try just about anything, within reason, if you want it or he wants it. And he is also willing to take some risks and try, although the risks are more difficult to explain, I think he is quite cautious.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He lasts a very long time! In the end, he goes in for sports, and every athlete should have endurance training (CrossFit, my love :b ). So... 7-15? Yes, somewhere in this segment.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Well, I doubt he'll have toys since he'd be embarrassed to buy them, which is funny. But he is absolutely not against them, almost everything that you want, he is ready to try.

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease)

He's not a fan of teasing. If he starts teasing you, then most likely his animal instincts will take over and he will immediately stop doing it and get down to business. This also applies to teasing on your part. He just might lose some control over himself.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Fairly quiet 3-4/10. Although still a pleasant, deep, low voice. But it is unlikely to ever become too high and loud. Quiet moans, sighs, maybe whining. No more.

W = Wild Card (Get a random head canon for the character of your choice)

Well... He loves sex in the shower. The way water runs down your naked body while you fuck him/suck him off/finger him/etc gets him too turned on for no apparent reason. His hands instinctively grab at least something and in the end he breaks one of the shelves.

X = X-Ray (Let's see what's going on in those pants, picture or words)

Very muscular, sculpted body! A few training scars, well, because he's a wolf after all. The penis is slightly larger than average, maybe 6-7 inches / 15-17 cm. But it is quite thick in girth due to its knot.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It is variable. When he's not in heat it's low, he doesn't want to do it too much, he's not some kind of nymphomaniac after all. He thinks it's too sensual to practice too often. But if he's in heat... I suggest you take a deep breath in and out, buddy.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fell asleep afterwards)

If the action was at night, then he will fall asleep almost immediately. Although, if it was in the daytime, he would not fall asleep. But if you want to take a nap with him for a while or just lie around, then he will gladly please you with this.

[jasmines-library]

Hi !

This might be specific but would you consider writing like Batfam x Polish reader? In a platonic ship way?

Basically tomorrow (Feb 8th) is Fat Thursday, its a huge polish holiday where you eat traditional polish donuts they're usually stuffed with either rose jam, caramel or custard!

Could you write their reactions to reader coning over, and giving them some traditional polish donuts? And maybe what their favourite filling is pls?

I don't mind if it's late, I realise it's short notice :)

Hello! Thanks so much for trusting me to write this for you! I'm sorry it's a little short but i really wanted to get this out for you in time. I had to do a little research but it has been so interesting to learn about! I hope I have done you and your culture justice :)

⛤ BATFAM MASTERLIST ⛤

"What are you doing?" Damian strolled into the kitchen, head held high as he peered around the room. He had smelt whatever you had been cooking from the other side of the house and it had made is mouth water so he decided to check it out.

There were various kitchen tools scattered around the room alongside trays of doughnuts set out in little rows. The room was warm and smelt like a fresh bakery.

"Baking pączki." You answered, setting aside another tray on the side.

Damian walked around the room with his arms behind his back as he eyed up the sweet treats wanting to just reach out and snatch one. You caught his glance and smiled, turning to hand him one off of the plates.

"Here, try one. It's good luck."

He reached out eagerly to take a bite of the pastry. The flavours melted over his tongue and he took another bite straight away.

"Mmm. This is so good. What is in this."

You beamed. "That's rose jam. But I have other flavours too."

Moving around the table as you began to clean away the last of the mess. "Rose jam is traditional, but I have also made caramel, custard and chocolate."

Damian's eyes widened a fraction at the mention of the delicacies. He licked the powered from his top lip.

"Please," You gestured to them, "Try another. I made them to share."

He reached for another, selecting one you had filled with a chocolate ganache and after taking a bite, he sighed in content.

"You know," he said through a mouthful of food, "You should make these more often."

"What's going on?" Dick made his way into the kitchen.

"Oh Grayson! You have to try these." Damian exclaimed to his brother "They're amazing."

"They're different flavours." You told him, explaining to him which tray belonged to which. Damian was already sneaking for another. "Incase you wanted to try something different."

The eldest Wayne delved into a custard filled pastry. He had the same content look on his face as Damian did.

"Oh...these are good. Really good. What are they for?"

"Tlusty Czwartek. Or Fat Thursday. It's a Polish tradition. We share sweet treats that we give up during lent."

"Huh, that's cool. I never knew. Tell me more about it?" Dick asked keen to find out more about your tradition.

~

Balancing the tray on one had was a lot harder than you thought it would be as you made your way down the hall to knock on Jason's door. When he heard the knock, he answered contently and invited you in. He was sprawled out across his bed but moved to sit when you walked in.

"Hey Y/N. You okay?"

You nodded, offering him the plate of doughnuts. You has selected a couple of each for him to try. "I brought you something to try. "pączki- doughnuts."

"These look amazing, thank you."

"Anytime. I'm glad to share these with you."

Jason opted to for a caramel filled one, though also seemed very keen to try the rose jam as it was something he had never tried before. Like Damian, Jason also made you promise to make these again and was keen to help finish any leftovers off.

~

Tim practically melted into his seat the second the pastry filled his tongue. You had found him in the library indulging in some last minute homework. Like all of the others he was super keen to try them. First he tried the tradition flavour, intrigued as he too had never tried it before. A second followed quick after that, along with questions about how you made them.

Tim had a keen eye for cooking and he was interested to find that you had made them yourself. After explaining it to him, he was keen to help you next time the event rolled around. Well it was that and he wanted an excuse to be cooking in the kitchen. It was a rare occurrence for Alfred to allow one of the boys to be allowed to cook.

Speaking of which, he and Bruce would be in awe of your cooking. Alfred would ask you for a recipe and after claiming that he wouldn't have anymore, you would occasionally catch Bruce sneaking one.

It was safe to say that they all loved you giving them doughnuts and couldn't wait until the event rolled around again so they could engulf on them again.

BATFAM TAGLIST:

@aestheticdaisies

@hell-o-kittys

@xxrougefangxx

@mamapucket

@hearts4robs

@harleycao

@devotedlyshadowytheorist