#they're just all the ones i've got in my playlist so far lol

[cheesybadgers]

Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 24)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23

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Masterlist

Pairing: Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo

Words: 3,440

Summary: It's been 15 years since Horacio and Javier brought down Gacha in Tolú, and now they're back where their story began.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Brief allusions to period-typical prejudices/politics/legislation, very brief sexual references, smoking, swearing, all the fluff.

Notes: Well....I feel like I should post this with a fanfare or something (just imagine there's one playing), but oh boy, oh man, oh god. I did it. I flipping did it 😭 It's only taken 36 months, copious amounts of blood, sweat and tears, a deranged amount of research, the last shred of my sanity, and probably a fair amount of back/neck pain from sitting at my laptop for too long to get here. But hey, if I don't write a self-indulgent novel-length fix-it fic for a criminally underrated rarepair from a defunct TV show, WHO WILL, I ASK THEE? 😂

I can't fully explain the journey this fic has taken me and my writing on, or the deep love I have in my heart for this ship and the OHDH universe that has lived constantly in my head these last few years. Even when I'm not actively writing, so many things remind me of these two everywhere I go. They got me through the darkest days of the pandemic and somehow became my comfort ship, despite er, certain canon events we don't talk about in this house.

Anyway, I think you've all heard quite enough from me for the time being. So, I will just say thank you so, so, so much to anyone who has read, commented, kudosed, reblogged, liked, sent me messages, made me things, suggested music recs, generally been incredibly supportive and kind ❤️

And thank you to anyone who may stumble across this fic in future. Please never be afraid to leave a comment, even if you're reading several years down the line, I will always love to hear from people about this story.

There will also be some moodboards and playlists posted on my Tumblr at some point (and *maybe* some new - much shorter lol - fics eventually) once I've caught my breath back a bit.

For the final time (unless I randomly think of anything I've forgotten, which is more than likely lol), I’ve also added to my OHDH trivia post to cover this chapter if anyone is interested.

Chapter 24: Suerte (Epilogue)

Early evening rays painted the pastel horizon, their last act of the day transforming the shimmering ocean into an inky palate of fuchsia, violet and saffron, the golden sands at the shore still warm to the touch hours past dusk.

Come the weekend, Colombians would travel far and wide to descend on the many beaches, bars and restaurants that dotted the waterfront. Or if they were feeling adventurous, they would birdwatch, dive off the Islas de San Bernardo, or canoe amongst the mangroves.

But it was mid-week and mid-December – when most locals were at work and school or preparing for Christmas. So, for now, Horacio and Javier had the place to themselves.

There was the added bonus of the coastline turning into a dense forest of palm trees just along from their beach house, civilisation a mile or so away on either side of them, so even at peak times, they remained secluded. It had become a daily ritual to luxuriate in the peace and quiet; a pre-dinner swim with no trunks required followed by entwined limbs and sand in their hair as the sun went down.

Today was no exception, the gentle lapping of the waves around them and their shallow breaths the only sounds to be heard, the taste of salt and scent of sun lotion heavy in the air and on their skin as Horacio rocked into Javier, slow and deep, their chests and foreheads drawn together.

It was almost dark when Javier switched on the shower taps, cascading soothing jets over his head, neck and shoulders. As he soaked his hair, the lights from inside the beach house sprung to life, illuminating the outdoor bathroom with an ambient glow. It was a feature of the premium accommodation they had splashed out on, a rare treat away for a special occasion.

The outside space was a mix of wood, tiles and natural stone for the walls and floors, encased by tall plants and trees for extra privacy. A double shower stood on a platform at the end of a walkway, with a large hot tub branching off in the other direction. On their first night here, they had opted for the tub, surrounding it with candles as a belated ode to Día de las Velitas, lost in each other beneath the bubbles and the stars.

A sturdy embrace enveloped Javier from behind, a position they had found themselves in every morning by the shore before breakfast, looking out to a tranquil sea and a kaleidoscopic sky. The day jobs kept them both on their feet and in good shape, although there was more softness around their stomachs, and Javier was stockier than in his younger years. But his upper body was even broader with muscle now.

He was no gym fiend, but he had accompanied Horacio in some of his strengthening training, wanting to keep his stamina up as much as possible. Not just for the obvious but because he was sometimes required to carry the heavier supplies at work and didn’t want to be shown up in front of his largely youthful team.

It was a welcome development to Horacio, whatever the reason. Not that he ever had any complaints before, but watching Javier blossom as he aged was a wonder to behold. Not to mention, there was more of him to enjoy now.

As for Horacio, aside from the sloping curve of his midriff, he was sheer jaguar strength. Not only in the noticeable places, but his core muscles were in peak condition, the daily horse riding improving his posture and taking him back to the drill commands of his cadet years. His skin was more weathered, and his days of being meticulously cleanly shaven at all times were long gone. But Javier assured him – a lot – the ruggedness was part of the appeal.

Javier wasn’t one to talk either, stubble being a more regular feature alongside his moustache nowadays. But that was mainly due to lack of time in his busy schedule rather than preference, so it wasn’t unheard of for Horacio to do the honours for him. For some reason, Horacio delicately scraping a razor blade across his jaw from the comfort of his lap was far more appealing to Javier than doing it himself in front of the bathroom mirror.

Their hair contained more grey patches, especially around the temples, which was easier to hide when they grew it longer. That wasn’t practical during the sweltering heat of a Texan summer, so they kept it shorter in the hotter months. But in the winter, they could run their fingers through choppy waves and coils of curls to their hearts’ content. And luckily for them, their anniversary fell in December.

“Can you believe it’s been 15 years to the day?” Horacio asked, scattering kisses across Javier’s back.

“This doesn’t even feel like the same fucking place, to be honest.”

“Tell me about it.”

Horacio let out a huff as flashbacks of leading his men on a fleet of raiding crafts towards Gacha’s hideout collided with memories from merely days ago of him and Javier island hopping in a hire boat along the same waters. They had taken a platter of fresh seafood and fruit, exploring the remotest beaches and lagoons, where their only company was the local wildlife.

He could still remember the sensation of the blood at his temple as he lay disorientated on the sand in the aftermath of the explosion, a stark contrast to dozing together under the shade of a palm tree or reading aloud to each other the words of Lorca, Gaitán Durán, Arbeláez, Neruda, Paz, Castellanos and Mistral.

“Although, I did notice signs for the barracks towards Coveñas when we were driving here,” Horacio added with a nostalgic smirk.

“Oh yeah? You didn’t want another night there for old times’ sake?” Javier tilted his head until he found Horacio���s lips with his teeth.

Horacio hummed and put up no resistance, his wet hands sailing with ease down Javier’s body, finding purchase at his hip bones. “It was tempting. But I figured you’d want to make the most of this before Christmas.”

“Damn right.”

They took turns massaging shampoo into each other’s scalps, lathering the suds through thick spirals, tenderly pulling at strands until they purred, thoroughly indulging in the sensation whilst they had the chance. And then they did it all again, rinsing off the soap, floating away on the meditative pressure of the faucet and their fingers.

“We could always see if Alejandra has more spa freebies if it gets too much, though,” Javier suggested through the haze of steam now cocooning them.

“I like your thinking.”

It had been a while since they last used such tickets, their previous visits not dissimilar to how their current vacation was playing out. But despite the chaos that would no doubt ensue, they were looking forward to catching up with Horacio’s side of the family. Between expanding businesses in Texas and Manizales and the oldest half of the brood living and working elsewhere now with the twins staying at home studying, they didn’t get to meet up as much as they would have liked.

However, Elena visited Laredo several times, swapping life stories and recipes with Chucho and joining Horacio and Javier in San Antonio one spring for the Fiesta. Her last holiday outside of Colombia had been before Alejandra and Horacio were born, so she was determined to take advantage of having family abroad before age finally caught up with her. There had even been discussions of a trip to Madrid if Horacio and Javier could arrange cover at work the following year.

“Pops is flying out on the 20th, right?”

“Yes. Marco and Raúl are covering the ranch and animals until your father’s back on the 28th. And Jorge is covering the farm until we’re home from Miami in the New Year.”

No one was keen to leave Luna, Sol and Leo, who had long since retired from ranch duties, but between work and Christmas commitments, Connie taking a full-time job in a different hospital, now Olivia was a teenager going on 30, and the earlier-than-expected arrival of Felipe’s and Juana’s second child – Óscar, a little brother to Claudia – New Year was the only time everyone’s schedules matched up.

These days, Luna, whose main residence was the cottage now, Sol and Leo spent most of their time nestled on furniture or looking for treats in the kitchen whenever food was prepared. However, Luna would sometimes still ride in the back of Horacio’s truck and keep him company in the lower fields.

Kira and Fuego had become old pros, showing their younger siblings, Cielo and Tierra, the ropes, not as replacements to the trio but as a new team with their own quirks and personalities. Thankfully, the dogs and Coco had taken well to the pair of barn cats, Churro and Tamale, who patrolled the outbuildings and dealt with any rodent intruders.

Meanwhile, Chucho showed few signs of slowing down, except one summer when he twisted an ankle, and even that was hard work to get him to rest. But he had been happy to step back from some of his more physically demanding responsibilities in recent years, trusting that the ranch and farm were in capable hands. With their expansion plans a resounding success – plus some new ones up their sleeves – he had become more involved in the business side of the operation alongside Miguel.

And, of course, he was always happy to offer Horacio advice whenever needed. But for the most part, he left him to it since Félix’s retirement, preferring to arrange for the guesthouses to be refurbished or to deliver fresh batches of cooking to aid workers and exhausted arrivals alike on the frontline of the border.

“Bet Jorge was as thrilled about that arrangement as my team.”

“Well, we can always delegate to our deputies whenever necessary. One of the perks of being promoted.”

It had taken Horacio five years under Félix’s watchful eye – and decades of experience – to be granted the title of farm manager. Then, Félix had retired the previous year, satisfied he had picked the right man as his successor and Jorge as deputy.

Horacio still had plenty to learn and likely always would with the constant conveyor belt of change to farming methods and technology that landed on his desk each month. However, there was a sense of familiarity with certain parts of the job, like the meetings, the paperwork, and the budget constraints. Except, this time, it all came without the funerals, the upper echelons of the CNP breathing down his neck, and the crushing weight of a country’s future on his shoulders.

“And a holiday on the Caribbean coast was necessary, was it?” Now that Javier’s hair was free from sand and shampoo, he turned to face Horacio, their lips almost touching.

Horacio nodded sagely and closed the gap. “A critical business need.”

------------------------------------------------------

Once dried off, they lay in a hammock in matching white towel robes under the thatched porch of their beach house with a perfect view of the sea, moon and stars.

“So, you like it here?” Horacio asked after a comfortable silence.

“It’s beautiful. I’m glad we came back – to see it how it’s meant to be.”

“Me too. Although, I fear violence will always be a parasite latched onto Colombia. Just when you think it’s gone from one place, it rears its head again in another. Or even the same place twice if you’re unlucky.”

Horacio remembered the stories he had heard from Trujillo in the last couple of years – particularly about Operation Orion. Officially, the incursion on Comuna 13 had been a success by the Colombian military against the likes of FARC. Unofficially, however, there were rumours of a leaked CIA report, disappeared individuals, and collusion between an Army General and none other than Don Berna’s subordinate. It was hard to keep faith that Medellín would ever be free from its past when history had such a predictable habit of repeating itself.

“I know. It feels like one step forward and two steps back in the States, too. Terrorism might be the new bogeyman, but re-branding to ICE and throwing a shitload of money at the DHS hasn’t stopped the drugs and the people finding their way over the border.”

Javier had heard directly from Steve about the shift in his job role since 9/11. Overnight, Steve’s whole department was removed from their current caseloads and signed up for every counter-terrorism and narco-terrorism course under the sun. It was now customary for DEA agents to be redeployed to the FBI as intelligence analysts if resources required. And if their eyes and ears were pulled away from the drug traffickers, it didn’t take a genius to figure out the consequences.

Meanwhile, in Texas, if anything, people only took graver risks in the wake of a beefed-up Border Patrol. Javier had spent a lot of the past year helping to set up new aid teams in Arizona and New Mexico, the inhospitable conditions of the desert not enough of a deterrent to stop families trying their luck or handing over their life savings to coyotes who didn’t care whether they made it across alive.

“But small things can add up to change. Bit by bit,” Javier added. “And at least they can’t arrest us for fucking in our own home anymore.”

“True. Not that the law stopped us before...” Horacio nuzzled against Javier’s neck before making a move to get up.

They may have joked in the here and now, but it wasn’t a change they took for granted. In fact, Luz and Carla had even persuaded Javier to attend a protest or two and pay bond and legal fees for those who had been arrested. After all, he’d had plenty of experience exchanging money for people’s freedom.

When news of the Supreme Court decision spread, it was another weight off their backs and one less reason to look over their shoulders, a chance to permanently put to bed memories of being spied on during such unguarded sacred moments. It was the final line to be drawn under those dark years, not to erase them because that was impossible. But it was, at least, closure.

Their cigarette was almost done, and Horacio had left the opened pack on the kitchen counter. Once retrieved, he took out another and leaned into Javier across the hammock, pressing the tip of his unlit cigarette against the lit one until it sparked.

“But you’re right,” Horacio continued, holding Javier’s gaze between exhaling a plume of smoke. He balanced on the edge of the hammock, just enough to stop it tipping sideways. “Things can change. But only if we want them to.” He perched their new cigarette between his lips as he reached into the pocket of his robe.

Their first cigarette was little more than a stub, so Javier stooped down to the ashtray on the floor to extinguish it. Once he sat up again, a small cubed box was presented into his spare hand.

Javier stared at the black box and blew out remnants of smoke, eyeing Horacio with an unreadable expression, an unspoken question and answer lingering between them and the mist of tobacco.

He prised open the box to reveal a ring of plain silver. Or, so he thought at first glance. But as he raised it towards the moon, the iridescent light caught on the inner band to reveal an inscription.

Suerte que encontré a mi media naranja.

(Lucky that I found my soulmate.)

“Fuck, Horacio…” Javier’s voice was strained, and his words came out as little more than a whisper. He held the ring between his thumb and forefinger, letting the ethereal reflection from above capture each word.

Horacio watched every shift in Javier’s face with bated breath and a dry throat, his limbs lead and weightless all at once.

“The world’s changing around us,” Horacio said at last; swallowing his nerves and summoning his courage. “But no matter what the law or courts say in any state or country, this can mean whatever we want it to mean.”

Javier’s jaw worked back and forth, his teeth clamping down on the inside of his cheeks. But it was no use, and he let out a trembling scoff, an attempt to distract from the shining pupils he finally confronted Horacio with.

And then a broad smile crept across Javier’s features, his palm connecting with Horacio’s cheek before he plucked the cigarette from his fingers and took a drag. “Pass me my jeans.”

It took Horacio a moment to process Javier’s request. Of all the responses he had prepared for – the good and the bad – that hadn’t been on his list, funnily enough. With narrowed eyes and pursed lips, he complied and fetched the jeans that had been flung over a sun lounger when they stripped off to swim earlier. Apparently, regardless of how humid the climate in Tolú became, denim remained a reliable staple of Javier’s wardrobe.

“Check my left pocket.”

Whatever Javier was up to, Horacio was torn between intrigue and irritation at Javier’s temerity to issue orders despite leaving him hanging. But he did as he was told, and in an instant, everything made sense.

“I can always take it back if you’d prefer…”

But Horacio was already opening the near-identical box, and any teasing faded to white noise as he came face-to-face with the gold equivalent of his own proposal.

“Hold it up to the light.”

The night sky was brighter now, making it easier for the inscription to be revealed.

Mi amor, mi vida, mi hogar, mi vaquero. Siempre tuyo.

(My love, my life, my home, my cowboy. Yours always.)

It was Javier’s turn to observe, and it didn’t take long for Horacio to raise a brow in his direction, shooting him a look of feigned exasperation that only came with the territory of a relationship as enduring as theirs.

“What?” Javier said with disingenuous innocence and a vulpine smile.

It was a contagious kind of smile, one that reminded Horacio they were equals in this and that he shouldn’t have been surprised Javier had the same idea.

“I take it my mother showed you her ring?”

“On my first visit to Manizales. It was beautiful. And so’s this.”

“As is this.”

“I like to think I put my own spin on it.”

“You did.”

They sat side-by-side on the hammock, legs facing towards each other with the rings held in their outstretched hands.

Javier’s thumb slid across Horacio’s left palm, tracing patterns over new callouses born from hard labour rather than war. He circled his wrist, waiting for the familiar rhythm but finding a beat that was, unsurprisingly, drumming quicker than usual.

After subduing with his touch, Javier retrieved the gold band, gliding it carefully onto Horacio’s ring finger, easing it over the knuckle until it rested snugly at the base.

They sat transfixed, marvelling at the light dancing across it as Horacio’s thumb ran back and forth over the curved surface in fascination.

Horacio repeated the ritual of mapping Javier’s left hand, lacing their fingers together as a tangible reminder of their bond. Their devotion. Their vow. Their choice. Whether the law honoured it one day or not.

He picked up the silver to his gold, shimmying it along Javier’s ring finger and passing beyond the slight resistance at his knuckle. Not too much force, but firm enough for it to sink perfectly into place.

With palms connected and fingers interlocked, their foreheads met, chests rising and falling in tandem.

“Te amo tanto, Javier.”

“Yo también te amo. Tanto, Horacio. Tanto.” Javier whispered, over and over in Horacio’s ear like a prayer – their prayer – before brushing his lips above Horacio’s brow, the bridge of his nose, both cheeks and down to his mouth, creating their own sign of the cross with each kiss. A new beginning and a welcome home.

They untied their robes and collapsed onto the hammock in a tangle of limbs, silver and gold melding at their chests and hands; their past, present and future as inseparable as their hearts, bodies and souls.

With one smooth motion, Horacio pinned Javier’s arms down into the netting of the hammock, a dark, hungry gaze passing between them as cool metal fused with hot skin.

15 years and several lifetimes may have gone by. But when Horacio had the man he loved, the man who loved him, his media naranja, underneath him, only one word ran through his head. Mine.

Old habits die hard, he supposed.

[chirpychipslive]

i desire a masterlist of rick wright lore. i absolutely love that man but i don't know half the silly, goofy things he got up to and i need a long-ass post explaining all you know about that little weirdo.

HI HELLO okay so as much as i see and understand a desire for a "rick wright lore masterlist", i don't think i would be able to do proper service by just listing all of the stuff i know off my head, plus i don't want people to see it and just take everything i say at face value and not look into things further if that makes any sense

so instead i will put a rick wright source masterlist under the readmore so people can go watch/read things for themselves in as much detail as they feel comfortable doing so, + i think a lot of people aren't aware of half of the sources i take from

Books

As far as books go your best starting points are Mark Blake's Comfortably Numb and Nick Mason's Inside Out, both of which are much more generalised sources for any Pink Floyd related material - I do have PDFs of both of these (i have physical bought copies too dw), so if you can't read/listen to either of them for any reason DM me and I'll send those PDFs to you :] They're both available widely on Amazon and other bookstores and Inside Out is also available as an audiobook!!

Guy Pratt's My Bass And Other Animals is 75% his own biography and 25% pink floyd related, so while it does have some Rick-related stuff in there, don't go into it expecting any in-detail explanations. Unfortunately I don't have a PDF of this book, but it is widely available and relatively inexpensive to buy (and I totally reccomend it!)

Franka Wright has supposedly been writing a tell-all on her marriage and experiences with him, but there haven't been many updates on it in a while. I've been relatively quiet on everything she's said about him in public as I don't think I have enough information on what happened to properly comment, but if that book does drop expect me to be the first in line to take a look

Websites/Online

Please god if you have even any passing interest use rickwright.com. It's a resource largely made by his estate and has a lot of information on there, it's a really sweet and interesting labour of love and I cannot reccomend it enough

pinkfloydz.com is an older website but has a gigantic catalogue of interviews, which include a large amount of transcribed interviews with Rick from 1996. It's just such a good resource in general and I highly reccomend checking it out, as even if you're not a Rick fan you still have a lot of interviews with the others in there

Here me out here; @mamazano (who has been inactive since 2021) has SO much on there that I don't feel bad putting them down as a source. Almost everything they post about is properly cited so you can find exactly where they came from, and they catalogue a lot of stuff that is locked behind more expensive/less available books. Their attention to detail for citing and sourcing quotes has been so admirable to me even if they're no longer on Tumblr anymore!

Watchlist

Here's links to watch Live At Pompeii, P.U.L.S.E, Delicate Sound of Thunder and Live 8 if you haven't done so already. also Chit Chat With Oysters has him for like 3 minutes

Remember That Night (an On An Island concert film)

Breaking Bread, Drinking Wine (On An Island tour documentary)

Rick talks about Syd for the 2001 Syd Barrett documentary by John Edginton

Broken China interview

Interview with Guy Pratt about PATGOD

There's definitely a lot more but this is the stuff I already had on my Youtube playlist of interviews - here's some that were on there but I haven't watched/listened to in a while so I can't 100% verify them rn (x) (x) (x)

Maybe one day I will try and chronologue all of the shit I know into something comprehensible but that definitely wouldn't just be a Tumblr post or smth lol

In the meantime I do thrive infodumping-wise off specific questions so if there's something more concrete you want me to (attempt to) explain I'm happy to do so! Thank you sm for the ask (I wouldn't have done this otherwise) and please feel free to contact me if you would like anything specific answered :]

[everydaydollydomes]

Hi! I'm thinking of making my own ball jointed dolls, but don't know where to start. What are some beginner tips?

As far as sculpting goes, my main focus so far as been on object heads with only very very recently branching out into a tail (which looks pretty good imo for a first pass lol). I am hoping to eventually model my own body to go with my object heads, though, and have a doll that is 100% my own. Right now I print a lot of Kabbits cause I love them - they're made by AelithArt, who also has shared quite a few tutorials.

Some of Aelith's tutorials are linked below (he uses zbrush, which is a paid subscription. I've heard zbrush mini is free, though) (also hopefully these links will take you to the respective playlists):

If you don't like Zbrush or are having trouble getting Zbrush Mini to download or something, Blender is also popular and it's a free to use program. It's definitely got a learning curve but there are tons of tutorials on YouTube. I don't have any I specifically use, unfortunately, as the most I've used it for so far is for smoothing and a friend showed me how to do that over Discord.

Another friend has suggested just studying the joints and such of doll artists you admire and seeing how they built their dolls (one of my favorite parts of the Kabbits is the knees, personally)

I also got this on Etsy - https://www.etsy.com/listing/594358549/online-video-class-how-to-design-a-bjd?ref=hp_active-mission-recs-rv-1-1

Which is another Youtube course about designing a BJD pattern, essentially designing your doll. You can actually find a lot of classes like this through Etsy that may come as PDFs or special Youtube links. Those ones tend to cost money, though. I believe the one I got was about 15-16 US dollars. Not bad, but it's the very beginning of the process and does not get into the actual modeling aspect; it's just the planning stage. That seller DOES have more tutorials available that get into the modeling stage, but they're much more expensive and I believe she focuses on actual sculpting and casting in resin. I still use resin, but I 3D print my stuff.

If you can find a good, active discord community, that's also great, honestly. I'm really glad I joined Aelith's cause it's been a pretty positive experience and there's quite a few knowledgeable people in there who have all been very supportive.

Aaah, I hope this helped some?? I'm not always great at organizing my thoughts for this kind of thing and my own resources are actually kind of limited.

[ioannemos]

so. YESTERDAY.

1. woke up in time to shower before walking to church

2. here's the thing. the church i've been going to? next town over. even i cannot walk that far. so i decided to check out one of the churches in town

3. there are... several. i honestly did not expect that many

4. what the heck, i've never been to a nazarene church before, let's see what they've got going on, it's one service

5. start walking, get distracted by a sign for an art fair. the temptation is real. maybe after church i'll go check it out. i can fit in something fun before grocery shopping and picking up my medication

6. it's a thirty minute walk. i'm not even halfway there and have to turn on my data to look at the map. getting hot. this sucks

7. look up. i'm right next to a different church. according to google, this one has a female pastor. i rejected this one earlier for that reason. the 'can women be pastors' thing is not something i've really researched for myself but i have read the verses and idk, seemed pretty clear cut that the answer is no. on the other hand, i'm right on time for the service, and do i want to do this right now?

8. fk it. i'll miss more than half the service at the other church by the time i get there. if it sucks i'll hit the bricks

9. two old people are thrilled to see me. i am gifted a bulletin and a nametag

10. the sanctuary is more than half empty, most heads that are present are grey, and there is no sign of technology except for the dude up front wearing a mic. there is no apparatus for streaming online, no tvs to display lyrics, no soundbooth or even the person in charge of making the mic work. i have absolutely nothing against those things, but it's kinda nice tbh

11. the pastor is def a guy and they just moved their service from 10:45 to 10:30, so i've missed a lot of this service too. but i didn't miss the sermon, so whatever, fine, this is just my life today i guess

12. HYMNS. they do HYMNS here. i am instantly pacified that they didn't update their sign outside with the new time

13. don't get me wrong i LOVE contemporary Christian music okay, i have a playlist that's stupid long, great stuff, makes me think, makes me cry, all that

14. but HYMNS!!!!! from a HYMNAL!!!!! how i've missed them. i can hear some people harmonizing. this is the Good Shit

15. the bulletin says that after the service they're having a baptism and picnic at the lake. i'm trying to be more... social *gagging noise* so... maybe... i'll go... but only if someone invites me

16. service is over. hey who's that. i recognize her face. shit. what's her name and where the hell have i seen her

17. fk it. approach. "hey! i recognize your face but can't for the life of me remember your name or where we met 😅"

18. her name is vicki and i met her at my previous job *more gagging noises* but she only worked there once in a while. thus i don't have to feel guilty at not knowing her immediately. phew

19. she has a baby! her baby is cute, of course. coo over baby appropriately

20. while cooing over baby, someone else approaches. her name is marnie. i barely play sdv but it's enough that i don't think i'll forget her name very soon

21. marnie: are you going to the baptism?

me: i don't have a car

her: oh, i can drive you there and back if you want

guess i'm going!

22. her: do you want to stop by your house and get some shorts?

me: i don't own any shorts

her: ... your swimsuit?

me: i don't have one of those either

her: ...okay

23. she has to pick up something at her house first. she offers to lend me something lighter than jeans 🥺 i turn her down, bc i'm just. used to wearing jeans everywhere, but i appreciate the offer

24. the beach we go to is lovely. it's part of a camp that a bunch of churches in the area use. the water itself is probably freezing (the lake doesn't really warm up, a familiar refrain to someone who grew up right next to lake michigan lol) but the area is nicely shaded (it is hot in the sun)

25. the picnic food is good. i talk a little with the people at the table i sit at. it's... fine. there are a few conversations going at once, which i find distracting and unpleasant (my brain struggles with what i'm supposed to be paying attention to)

26. it's time for the baptism!

pastor, quietly: how do you guys do this here?

me, very amused: idk man, this is my first day attending this church

pastor: what, really?? okay, stick around after this, i wanna talk to you

me: okay

27. the guy getting baptized cries during his testimony, we pray for him, he gets dunked, we cheer and applaud, we pray for him again, he lets a few people take pictures and then cannonballs off the end of the pier into the lake to more cheers and applause

28. some people leave. the pastor's wife asks if i want to go kayaking. i think i've gone kayaking once? i say yes anyway. fk it, i'm already stepping out and i don't feel like killing anyone at this picnic or myself yet

29. obvs both the pastor and his wife are in high demand so it takes a while but eventually we start hauling out the kayaks

30. marnie, who works at the camp, is very conscientious that everyone has an emergency whistle and is wearing a life jacket that is appropriately sized. she also lends me and the pastor's wife hats. marnie is the best, i think

31. the water is crystal clear and the weather is about perfect. marnie suggests we head for a slightly shallower part of the lake, where there are lily pads

32. the youngest member of our party, a teenager, capsizes on the way. we all come together to tow her and her kayak to shore. the pastor's wife uses her emergency whistle to tie the swamped kayak to the guy towing it. i wrangle the teen's paddle and point out that the person who offered to tow the teen doesn't have anything for her to hold onto but that someone else does, and they switch accordingly. the extra water is dumped out on shore. the teen is checked on and encouraged. we all head back out onto the lake

33. the pastor talks to me for almost the entire trip. it's nice bc he tells me that if i don't want to answer any of his questions i can just tell him to back off, but honestly i like talking about myself 😅. i realize that the person his voice reminds me of is ted danson and it is made abundantly clear to me why he has a mic in the otherwise electronics-less church: his voice is fairly quiet and barely carries (which are separate things, fight me)

34. amongst other things i talk about mom. when do i not tell people about mom. i mention how the night she died i had the feeling that i wasn't going to see her again, so before the paramedics left with her i had a chance to say goodbye and give her a kiss. he describes this as the gift of... discernment, i think? anyway i want to talk this down a bit, bc when do i not talk down any gifts i might have, but the more i think about it the more instances come to mind. huh. i will need to think more on this

35. we see the lily pads and a few lily buds, hang around for a little bit just talking, and then head back. we arrive back at camp without incident, put up the kayaks, and go our separate ways

36. except marnie has a thing to do first, do i mind, no i don't, repeat about three times, lol. but i really don't mind, i have tomorrow off also to do what i need to, and the things she needs to do are a. all for the camp, which has kids who just arrived and b. the kind of tasks i find completely non-stressful, like refilling napkins and hand soap. i am introduced to her boss. we leave eventually, each with a plateful of brownies

37. we talk the whole way. i am once again asked questions about myself and i am once again more than happy to do so. i should probably shut up occasionally. 🙄🤐 she drops me off but not before asking for my number

38. i have neither done my grocery shopping nor picked up my medication. fk. guess i'm doing that tomorrow

39. go inside, take dog out back to play with her. one of the other dogs also wants to play. thankfully there are two balls, so i kinda just juggle between them. neither dog seems to mind

40. another roommate shows up with his new dog: the tiniest puppy 😭 so small! one and a half hands big! and i got to hold her 😍💞��� reminded me of my dog when we first got her 😭😭 i miss her... 😭😭😭

41. did my laundry. turned on my laptop and only made it through one of my yt rec'd videos before realizing i was falling asleep. reluctantly decided to do the right thing and just. go to bed

42. fell asleep almost instantly and finally slept well. so all i need to do is wake up early, eat no breakfast, walk to church, go to a new place, talk to people i don't know, go kayaking, play with two dogs, do a big load of laundry, and then i'll sleep well. glad to find out it's as simple as that 🙄

[schmeap]

do people on this website post tierlists for fun idk does anyone care about my opinions on pokemon and miku probably not but I'm finally giving into the urge to be really annoying about music (not a music analyst) (doesn't know how to identify a lemotif) (Was in High School Marching Band)

Anyway gonna be real fuckin annoying about this one its called i talk about rankings that are mostly personal bias

Let's just go in release order lol

Songs linked in their "titles" (video embed limit is. less than 18)

DECO*27's Volt Tackle

ok so i have a confession. when this song came out, I knew it was going to end up pretty low on the list lol

Deconina (i can't. type that every time guys) is one of my favorite producers and almost every song he makes I nod my head at and go "yeah. that's a banger." But. BUT. He's started mixing his harder rock styles with his poppier hip hop styles and it comes to a head in this song. The bridge is really really distracting lol, feels like a different song and tone entirely from the kind of intense, battle like ferocity of the main part to a cutesy pop chant... It has a purpose, I'm sure, but there's something too dissonant about it for me to like.

The like, rest of the song is Deconina at his Deconina-est, I love the cute take on love (as he always does) with a pokemon flavoring... The visuals are also quite cute and fitting. It's really solid, but that one point holds it back from Funky Fresh, which is my baseline Very Solid.

Electrical Forecast by inabakumori

The second song, by a producer I don't follow nearly as closely as Deco. Uhh I did listen to lagtrain as homework before this and yes it bangs. It's always nice to see people using people other than Miku and Kaai Yuki actually has a real solid appeal to me.

This is a song that slaps. It bangs, even. I don't know enough about inabakumori to comment on its relevance to their personal stylings or themes but we were still in the romance period with pokemon puns and tie ins so I was already tempted to put it higher in the list. In actuality, every song does an excellent jobs integrating game sounds and puns so no extra points are available for that stuff lol

Taking the idea of catching pokemon is always dangerous, I think, because pokemon fans aren't really here to catch things, we're mostly interested in battles and the journey with our faves, not completing the pokedex (because it's hard, and kind of chore) at least, to me. This song feels like a journey through the tall grass, scouring the lands to find pokemon... I just like the inabakumori style man. It gets points for getting on the playlist, but not really speaking to me.

Mitchie M's What Kind of Future

Silly songs.......... my weakness and Mitchie M's strength oh no.........

Yeah Mitchie M really plays to his strengths, using cute visuals and nonstop puns to ooze a charm you can only get from haplessly indulging in the most whimsical of vibes. It was also quite surprising how well their TL team did with all the puns given some of them barely work lol.

"I love them all" is the type of pokemon fan I am, so that might also help explain why two of those songs are up so high...

Pinocchio-P Kills You with The Pokemon Inside My Heart

yeah i cried what're *you* gonna do about it huh

Im a pinocchio-p fan. I don't always like everything he puts out, but when he really hits its insane how hard he does.

1) i fucking love his little pinomikus... having them all in a costume is so fucking cute they're little slit eyed freaks and by far my favorite trademark a producer's ever had lol My favorite. is lapras...

2) This isn't the first song to fuck me up by him lol 2:30 Life Remaining also damaging as hell, so it wasn't surprising to see him go for a quieter angle but man when its something you grew up with, a nostalgia you could relate to, an experience you lived, its way worse. It's such a soft song, with an upbeat backbone, I've no idea how he got the music to scream "nostalgia" so hard but the reverberating "aah"s are so cool too...

Anyway this song would be the best song if I weren't horrendously biased. It should honestly be up their with the top two but it was funnier to keep it in the crying tier.

Battle! by cosMo@Bousou-P

I honestly did not like this song all that much when it first came out, but that was almost certainly because it was right after Pinochhio-P's lol

The high concept of people in the comments talking about some sort of Miku AI champion that was tired of winning got me more into the song now that I'm not directly comparing it to a song that spoke way more to me, there's just something a little unhinged about it in the way that cosMoBousou does well with machine intelligence/the meaning of digital media.

He also plays p well into his strengths with the breakcore fast bpm lol this song screams GO GO GO! I think it makes total sense why he'd go for a battle theme, and I really like the way the pokemon sfx are incorporated into the backing... drums? Unfortunately, I like battle songs not that much, and the lyrics leave a little to be desired because the story's a bit... confusing lol Maybe it's cheap of me to prefer nostalgia baits over whatever strange original story cosMo's thought up but that's how it is.

A little evil with Kasamura Tota's I'll Fly in the Sky with You

Another producer I've not heard of before! No one talked about this song either, in my circles, I actually missed it until I came back for Giga and Jin's. I passed over it on first watch, put it on in the background and said "yeah, that's a nice soft song," thinking nothing of it. Boy was I fucking WRONG

edit (not an edit I'm writing this all in one sitting), I LIED I *have* heard this guys stuff before!! Araki covered one of his songs lol ok I'm getting the sense their skillset is Violently Sad Songs and goddamn are they good at em.

Anyway this song's MV is adorable and uses mudkips status as an adorable fave as a double shot directly to your sadglands as it tells a story of a pokemon that stays the same to continue to fly with its friend. Its fucked up, and a little evil, and totally took me by surprise because I was a fool. Little Guys Deserve Love Too is something you don't always remember as pokemon fan and it takes the implication of evolution seriously its really some pokemon Mystery Dungeon type heartstring pulling that got me good.

Musically I love the quiet backing that really lets the vocals (the story) breathe, its a musical narrative. The back and forth between Luka and Miku is done really well, plus having it based entirely around an existing pokemon song really helps it achieve its heart punching effectiveness.

Also I have a horrible bias toward piano please don't look up at the tierlist and where I placed Marasy

(Hilarious it got a kids rating on youtube btw. Another youtube kids L, probably)

We couldn't draw miku at a fucked up angle this time guys: Giga's Gotchu!

lol yeah they had to sanitize this one's visuals a little bit, probably worked with a different artist than usual... It does show, a bit, in the kind of bouncy visual style Giga's used to being flatter and less 3D than usual. This leaves the music video a little lesser than the others that move... I also don't know if I've ever been a huge fan of Giga's recent animation style.

In terms of actual song: it's good! Giga puts his swing on classic pokemon motifs and it feels very him, with a nice mix of hip hop beat and electrical edge.

But uh, remember how I said before "catching pokemon is the weakest element of pokemon"? That point stands here, especially since the song itself is just simple and peppy. It's stylish as hell but doesn't give me a sense of journey or scouring like inabakumori's.

Sorry, but someone had to be last.

Jin's Secretly Miku the whole time: Juvenile

Trans miku real or whatever

I'd like to say this is the first full on deadass whole animated story. I should be right. Also I don't think I've followed Jin since Kagepro lol (but I did hear Neo, and I did scream really loudly at it!)

dude the eevee is drawn so fucking cute im rhhdghh im not even a huge eevee fan (too mammal) but man when he do the lil paw to cheer up their trainer it got me. I also really like the compassion of the story, the trainers just want to support each other even though they fight... It's like, that's kind of what pokemon is, it's not necessarily about winning, even if Every Voice on the internet Ever (including myself) tells you otherwise. Turns out all you need from a friendly rival to make them better is to lose against them and not let them speak (im joking.......)

I just realized I never looked up the lyrics, actually, but I totally got the emotions through the fantastic MV and the general upswings of the music. It's a bold swing to take a trainer through their whole journey, but both songs that try this hit it justtt right, actually. Building yourself back up after a loss is like, The pokemon story, because turns out you can't win them all. Plus it takes time to focus on the mundanity of the pokemon journey, the stuff you don't really think about in game but is the meat of any fanfic... depicting hanging out w your pokemon is a huge bonus points.

The music combined with the visuals made me cry what can I say, I don't cry easily so it deserves it.

Syudou's I'm a Ghost Type

I honestly don't know a whole lot about Syudou, not to say I don't know who he is, i do, i play pjsekai, but none of his "popular" songs really captured me.

I can mostly say the same for this one lol This is the first one where I have to actually explain the Funky Fresh tier: it means they play well to their strengths but they don't have a whole lot of staying power to me. This is where my pickiness starts kicking in, they just weren't swanky enough to make the cut.

The lyrics and visuals scream joy of ghost types though, I really dig how much energy is in the song... I think it's just personal preference for electric beats that puts the song the highest in Funky Fresh.

BIPPA!! Wonderful Opportunity with Go! Bidoof Group!

Wonder Opp never fails me they got my back every time. I was hoping for something silly happy peppy fun and oh boy did i get it. A feverish dedication to a silly not strong pokemon, a basic rat you can get in any route that the pokemon company loves making fun of, BIPPA!!

All these dumb mfs so relatable to the Len that wants to evolve for utility, to the Rin that loves him as he is, to Miku who thinks all pokemon have their appeals... I've seen some people say WonderOpp's songs border on just speaking over beat, but I don't really see what's wrong with that. The comedic timing is solid (Len getting shot down is so funny) and the setup is inherently funny, a team of bullies that go after Only Bidoof. Team Rocket but Bidoof.

Joy radiates from this song and who doesn't want to hold a pokemon in front of your friends and go "Look!! this is my favorite child!!!" I think that's the real essence of pokemon. Pick your faves and then be really annoying about them. That's why this is the best one.

Huh? Muddled... (Weird title... it's sfx, really) by Kuriyama Yuri

This project got me digging around in new producers libraries, quite fun. In this one I found Jitterbug! I love a good Meiko producer... But I don't particularly like their style, sorry to say.

I do like it though! It's fun, spooky and very stylized! I love the rhythm it gets into and the expressions on the people, even if I'm not entirely sure what's going on besides some good ol fasioned spooks. I think it accomplishes what it sets out to do, which is make a spooky ghost house experience song. Just doesn't appeal to me enough to rank it higher.

Orangestar's Encounter

Look. This is pure bias. But I also think it's good!

I've gone on record (no record. just talking to friends lmao) saying Orangestar's music feels like running alongside a ocean during a sunshower. All their music is kind of same-y but by god does it hit that niche so good for me, using vocaloids to go way above what any human would sound good. In this song the synthwave really elevates it to something I'd recommend a non-Orangestar fan, it really carries you up, gives the song a rising energy... just like Lugia.

Breath is a key of Orangestar's songs, besides being very high, there's a lot of running vocals and held notes, meaning singing them is again, very difficult (if you're trying to copy miku) and I think the breathlessness of the vocals and synth really works with the concept of a legendary encounter. It's always so cool when you finally run into the thing on the box... and in the surrounding media, everyone always oohs and aahs. The lyrics support this, but I'm not very good at reading, so I actually just skim them to make sure they aren't total nonsense lol

Eon Ticket by Marasy

I saw somewhere an author's comment about this song, something to the effect of "I always chased Latios and Latias"... So this is just a song about your faves, just like pokemon should be. It also has Kaito, which is *my* crypton bias.

Uhh I'm always back and forth on Marasy songs, I love him as a pianist, but his compositions don't always speak to me working with the others on em. But? I think this one hits nicely. It's a little toothless still, not as emotionally impactful as those on the top, won't make me scream in excitement but I do think this is one of my favorites in a while.

Kaito and Miku... it's always nice to have duets in this Miku focused project lol. I think the Eon ticket, Latios and Latias in particular was a good pairing for Marasy's flighty fluttering piano trills and runs, they're the kind of pokemon that dash around the skies like the music does. Part of what makes me rank composers higher in these miku songs is whether they play to their strengths or not, because you're already adding the twist of subject matter, and I think this does. I also think the framing device of the newscasters is cute

Party Rock Eternity by Hachioji-P

Ahh Hachioji, another name I know and don't really listen to on purpose... Rad Dogs goes insane though an all time fave (but I say that about half the VBS commissioned songs). Maybe that's why I biased it higher, because it's a style of music I really like. A lot of bias is probably involved in this lol (poison type fan)

I like the perspective of a rocket grunt a lot, leans extremely well into the harder rock of Hachioji's natural lean, but the lyrics don't really tell us much, it doesn't quite lean hard enough into character for me to give it a funky pass... plus I find it's missing a POP that makes it appealing. It's extremely pleasant, but I can't give it a pass.

Iyowa's Journey's Prequels, Journey's Traces

Hmm, I think the only producer I know truly nothing about, didn't even really recognize a song on their page. Doesn't matter since this song's extremely cute and appealing on its own.

The button mashing making up the backing track I almost didn't like but it totally grew on me, it gives the song more life. Visually the MV compliments the cutesy subject and the wonder of a child's first pokemon. But... it's just pleasant. It suffers the same fate as Party Rock Eternity before it, there's just nothing pushing it beyond musically, likely in part because I'm not as familiar with the composer. I like songs that go somewhere, and this one stays in the same place, which doesn't make it bad, it just makes it less interesting to me.

Esper Esper, Psychic Psychic! by NayutalieN

I don't listen to a whole lot of NayutalieN's stuff outside the Rhythm Game Staples (most of which I like, at least passively), but it's enough that I know generally what I'm getting.

Musically this song doesn't stand out to me all that much, I like the rising tones during the chorus, but it actually doesn't use as many of the kind of flourishes on the top of vocals I really like about Nayutalie's tuning. The sfx in blend with the background are also really fun but for me, theming tops out anything.

When I went into the song, I wanted a cute silly fun song about psychic type pokemon that LOVED psychic types. I wanted to see them clap. And they did! There's just so many psychic types doing the classic flip back and forth dance, and isn't that, really, what makes a NayutalieN song?

Kairiki Bear's Melomeloid

So Kairiki Bear I actually spent like, a day lying in bed listening to their entire lineup on their channel lol I wanted to determine whether I liked them as a producer or if I just really liked Bug. Turned out I just really liked Bug (and venom). That's to say, I wasn't expecting something standout in this song.

I was not disappointed, but I wasn't blown away either. That's ok, I think the most important part of Kairiki Bear songs are their texture, the rhythm of the vocals mixed with the instrument. I like Bug because of its punchiness, its extremely harsh tones, and Melomeloid's are a bit softer. It's good for a song about fairy types, but it doesn't make up that loss in musicality through the melody, which makes it average to me. But! I think it really hits where fairy types lie, a cutesy "I love you" mixed with the signature sharp, kind of off tune vocals with a harsh, present beat... It screams "cute but dangerous."

A Glorious Day for Miku Yuri by EVE (it's Glorious Day)

wh what if u were a dragon type trainer and and I was a fairy type trainer and uh uh hhhhh and we were rivals............

Um ok, I just have to say, before I talk about Eve or whatever. The fact that they animate Every Miku in Voltage's art run and place them in this mikuverse where they all fight together is like, dude talk about an excellent finale. Deadass that touch alone put this to its ranking by itself.

That's not to say the music's not pulling its weight. It's Eve, and though I think is one of his weaker compositions, not being able to play into his more off beat rhythms (and having to use miku) it's still got all the bones of an extremely solid hype journey song. But to be honest, I think the music is the weakest part of Glorious Day, even if its flow is perfect for the story they're telling.

But the story..... God I do love a fully animated MV, there's just so much they put in it to make a pokemon fan happy, from the sakuga of the battle and the possible red cameo. Plus YURI!!! I love miku miku relationships I just think this one has the most potential to live in my brain rent free, so it goes up a tier. As a pokemon fan, this one's got the most for me, even if as a vocaloid fan, I wish Eve would just sing all his songs forever lol

Uh anyway thanks for listening like and comment if you want me to do this for commissioned songs for sekai i guess

[blorb-el]

hullo! I read your chapter of your au with the Very Horrible Lex and the Very Baby Kon and the Very Sad Clark and i love it sosososo much! The GOOD ANGST my dood.

I want you to know i’ve been daydreaming abt it. Heck, i was daydreaming WHILE reading it- i mean that’s actually normal for me when i’m invested in smthn, but fr i kept getting distracted by So Many Thoughts and Feelings tm. Took me longer to read than it should’ve but rest assured that’s a positive thing!

i read the fic you based it on, and it was great! But so far im liking yours better >v>

I wanna see the rescue and the recovery! I wanna see it get worse first! I wanna see Clark attempt to raise Kon the best he can in the worst of circumstances! The love and human connection thriving even in the midst of a hurricane of cruelty— it’s so good bestie!

uhh anyway! The point of this ask: I wanna know, how did you come up with the title? “We shall be free; we shall find peace”? oVo?

Thank you!! That's basically how it came about, daydreaming about the fic that inspired it!

So I really love the fanfic tradition of using lowercase AestheticTM song lyrics as titles. Fic is already inherently intertextual, and I think it's fun to add another layer of intertextuality onto that; I named one of my other fics with a lyric mostly because 1. the lyric fits their relationship! and 2. the juxtaposition between Wholesome Radio Pop Lyric and soft d/s xeno tentacle pwp still makes me laugh.

At first the draft was just called 'horrible lex au,' and then I thought about using two other quotes before settling on the title. That's the tl;dr of it all, the rest of this is under a cut for plot spoilers for the overall arc of the entire fic, and also so, so much rambling:

The first title I was thinking about was be sure your heart is brave from Aeschylus' Agamemnon, but that quote is the chorus speaking to Cassandra right before she's about to be killed; her bravery is a heavy burden reaction to the monstrous injustices that have brought her to that point, like Clark and Kon... but then she's brutally murdered. Plus the power dynamic situation is... let's say, very different. It's an extraordinary, immortal line but the narrative arc I've got planned strays too far from the original arc, and in the end I decided I didn't want the shadow of a way better tragedy hanging over my little fanfic.

Chorus: Woman, be sure your heart is brave; you can take much. Cassandra: None but the unhappy ever hear such praise.

The next line I was thinking about went too far in the other direction, taste a morning out there, which is from one of the best 'I Want' songs, Out There from the Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame. Quasimodo's story of being thought monstrous and being imprisoned and gaslit by a socially powerful manipulator parallels Clark and Kon better than Cassandra's, but in the end the literal line itself doesn't fit right with either Clark or Kon. Clark, at the beginning of the fic, has atrophied to the point where he can only conceive wanting for such things through wanting them for Kon, and Kon, as we'll see soonish, isn't locked up underground the way Clark is. Plus, the fic is... lighter than the Orestia for sure but a hell of a lot grimmer than Disney, lol. I do have it on my writing playlist though.

So in the end I went back to one of my absolute favorite pieces of media ever, Fidelio. We shall be free; we shall find peace is a line from the Prisoner's Chorus in that opera. The solo prisoner that sings the line invites the rest of the prisoners to begin hoping, and from there, despite the sobering reminders of the dangers they face, that they're being watched, the music swells into a yearning for freedom so powerful it's difficult to understand how it passed the censors in 1805.

First solo: Hope whispers softly to me: We shall be free, we shall find peace. Chorus: Oh Heavens! Salvation! What happiness! Oh freedom, freedom, will you return? Second solo: Speak softly! Be on your guard! [The jailer's] eyes and ears are on us.

And then - the head jailer returns, and the prisoners are brought back to reality, forced back into their dark cells at the end of the act. The temporary respite is over.

Farewell, warm sunshine - how quickly you fly from us. Night is fallen upon us, from which no day shall break.

The simple act of hoping is like a breath of fresh air, temporarily alleviating their suffering, but it doesn't materially change their circumstances; it takes a number of outside forces to do that, which will be paralleled in the fic. Love and hope is all they have, and it's not enough, but it does make the torment bearable until Bruce/Leonora uncovers the extent of The Horrors and Diana/Don Fernando can deus ex machina everyone into the sunlight.

All in all, the line is a very succinct summary of the plot. Clark and Kon will be free, and they will find peace, but they have to find out what both of those mean, reclaiming their agency in the process.

oooor at least that's the plan. chapter 2 is about 90% edited and can probably be ready this weekend, I hit a little plot snag in chapter 3-5 so chunks of that are undergoing rewrites, but the good news there is that the rewrites are SO much better than the original draft and there will be some bats showing up earlier than there otherwise would have been. I did uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh kind of lose my job a few days after posting the first part, so updates will be slower than I'd like, especially since I'll have to move to a different state if I get the positions I'm currently applying to 😓

[therantsofawriterrr]

Sooooo my first kdrama of this year is King The Land and OMG IT'S SO CUTE HELP-

I started watching kdramas last year and the ones I've seen yet are: Hometown Cha Cha Cha, The Glory, Destined With You, Perfect Marriage Revenge, The Good Bad Mother, Alchemy Of Souls, My Lovely Liar (not completed) and Guardian (also not completed)

There might be spoilers under the break so

Gu Won is sooooooo cute. Going from hating Sarang's smile in the first or some ep to needing to make her smile on ep 4? Or 5 maybe idk but yea. I think this is the first kdrama I've seen where they both have like, an actual date so early on (it was a date, i will refuse to believe anything else). Plus i think it's also the first kdrama where the relationship development has mostly been fluffy and not angsty. I feel like it's gonna get angsty? Idk. But i feel like Gu Won and Sarang are like the typical grumpy-sunshine trope.

I love the fact that Sarang actually has besties that support her and listen to her and they have a realistic friendship? Like for me, personally, I haven't rly seen realistic friendships, might also be because i haven't seen that many, but this is the first kdrama where I've seen girl besties just be comfy with each other, healthy jealousy, randomly starting to party and all the other things. Friendship goals fr. I just hate how her colleagues treat her. Like ok y'all studied and shit and came up but that doesn't mean that she just got lucky. She put in her effort and hard work into her job, so she got recognised and promoted. I think the thing with Sarang is that she actually wants to do her job and enjoys it, while the others just do it cause they need money.

Anyway, but they're sooo cute together. Also, the OSTs. All kdramas have banger OSTs but man, this one wins for me. I love the songs and I love how the timing is accurate. I'm prolly gonna add it to my playlist.

Also, Gu Won's mom either died and noone told him how and he was lied to by his sister(power hungry bish) or she wasn't his mom at all and was fired. Or smn else idk.

I hate how Daeul's husband isn't paying attention to his wife or house. I feel like he's cheating. Or he's just ignorant asf. Plus omg i love her daughterrrrr, she's so cute and she's so right when she's supporting her mom.

Pyung-Hwa looks perfectly nice to me, but apparently she has a dark past or smn? Idk what to expect with this character tbh she's kinda confusing to me. But I do hope there are no misunderstandings between her and Ro-Un.

Anyway so far so good, I will be screaming abt kdramas here a lot so I'm rly sorry lol.

[bisonaari]

This is an invitation for you to tell more about your finnish music obsession

I want to hear what artists you're enjoying and what you think about finnish music in general!

I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR THIS

Ok so I've mainly listened to UMK artists so far lol so bear with me

First of all, first introduction with finnish music in my life: when I was a teen, In the shadows by The Rasmus was my entire personnality. I've listened to that single so fucking much you have NO IDEA. My parents hate rock and metal, and they were my first introduction ever to music that was heavier than pop 💚 I'll forever be thankful for that

A few years ago my friends sent me some Beast in Black and I stopped counting how many times I've listened to Sweet True Lies and Blind and Frozen, those are just so good. I love the 80's inspiration in them and the singer's voice is absolutely incredible HE HAS THE RANGE. As I said in a previous post, gonna go see them live with my boss and her gf next saturday, they were coming to my city and we couldn't miss that 🤟

Notable mention to Lordi, Hard Rock Hallelujah will always slap

Then Käärijä arrived and I haven't been the same since lol. He made me want to listen to more music in finnish, because finnish has a rythm and melody that I hadn't heard before, and it adds something really unique to music that I really like, scratches my brain in the best way possible

First I found Jukka yt channel and he covered some Turmion Kätilöt and I swear that this band altered my brain chemistry they're just SO GOOD. They're a lot heavier that what I usually listen to but I truly don't mind because the mix of synths and heavy music and scream is just the right balance I absolutely adore what they do, and I think I'm gonna follow them for a long time

Then I started to listen to UMK music, first being Benjamin. Man, that guy's voice is so fucking angelic excuse me?? Illegal. I've listened to GAY about 200 hundred times in a row woops

Started to listen to Portion Boys as well right about the same time, and I have to say that I like most of their songs. Everytime I was pressing next on spotify I was like but that one is good as well? And so is that one?? And that one too??? Like I don't think that I've found a Portion Boys song that I truly dislike. The 80's vibes just stole my heart. Elämän ABC my beloved

Been listening to a bit of Kuumaa lately, and by that I mean that Tulipalo is my entire personnality woops I haven't listened to any other song in days

Sometime the past month I've been made aware of Seppo on bi and it's been plaguing my mind I hate it I love it

Got also some Antti Tuisku in there! Grindr Mayhem of course, but also En kommentoi. Some BESS with Ram Pam Pam because it SLAPS

I've also listened to @king-krisu 's finnish music essentials playlist, and I like most of the stuff on it? I need to pay better attention to exactly what songs I prefered but I really enjoyed most of the stuff in it

[caliburn-the-sword]

cress commentary (hehe i love alliteration)

i love how you can tell how far into a book i am by how dense?? my commentary is in terms of like how many comments i'm making over a given number of chapters. because when i'm first starting a book i'm good to interrupt my reading to taking a note down but once the stakes and tension start hitting i'll only note something down if it's significant enough

"She would have kept walking all day if he had asked it of her" jesus christ cress sounds like she's been glamoured LMAO

CRYING SHAKING THROWING UP CINDER DIDN'T MENTION CRESS TO ERLAND - but now that i know how common a name crescent is it's likely he wouldn't even think twice about it

cinder and erland's relationship honestly reminds me of the relationship between buffy and giles. a teenage "chosen one" so to speak, who has the weight of the world on their shoulders and copes being sassy, and her long suffering but equally sassy mentor figure. i think that's why i love it so much

SAHARA. THAT'S WHERE CRESS AND THORNE MAYBE ARE. THEY'RE GONNA FIND EACH OTHER

i really like the townspeople of farafrah

OMG AND NOW KAI THINKS SCARLET IS THE LUNAR PRINCESS. dramatic irony my beloved. i mean kai is right that cinder has found the lunar princess,,, just wrong about WHO it is LMAO

YES THORNE HAS REJECTED HER. god she's freaking out

cress' reaction to seeing the goat <3 she's got such a distinct character voice. also she's super delulu and i love her

i remember questioning on a previous post how everyone talked to everyone else. universal language explains it. praying it's not english

thank goodness cress and thorne found someone. hopefully no one recognised him

jail for a thousand years DO NOT hit me with the one bed trope with CRESS AND THORNE OF ALL PEOPLE (note: i've never been more glad to see a character kidnapped and to NOT see the one bed trope happen)

back to being grossed out by thorne again. i don't like him. idc if he can't see, it's about PRIVACY and BOUNDARIES. he should not be entering a bathroom where an underage girl is showering, with or without consent. it's gross

omg is thorne buying the escort droid for iko

jacin is kind of a dick ngl. sometimes his humour is funny and other times he's like a 12 year old boy that thinks dark humour is like making jokes about war. like bro people are DYING. you don't have to give a shit about cinder but at least don't make fun of her friend that's been kidnapped by the queen

losing my mind that erland and cress have met

help has cress just stumbled across wolf?? this is hilarious NAUR JACIN HAS JUST COME IN OMG. THIS IS LITERALLY THE WHY IS GAMORA SCENE IN INFINITY WAR. AND NOW ERLAND AND THORNE. THIS IS CHAOS INCARNATE OMG FSKDHFSKH

EW EW EW the sex bot androids are modelled after LATE TEENS??? YIKES.

(intervention voice) come on cinder, what have i told you?? friends don't control the bioelectricity of friends

holy shit. what's happening to scarlet is literally horrifying

scarlet referencing helen of troy~

OMG PRINCESS WINTER

HOLY SHIT SCARLET'S FINGER I HATE CLIFFHANGERS I NEED HER NEXT CHAPTER IMMEDIATELY. fingers can often be reattached (or a toe in place of a finger) so HOPEFULLY that's what happens for poor scarlet if she does lose her finger

IKO FSKHFSCKFNHS SHE HAS A BODY NOW

cress is literally so paparazzi by lady gaga. and also lovefool by the cardigans. also this is home by cavetown but specifically the bridge. ocean eyes by billie eilish (even tho i imagine thorne with brown eyes lol). a few penelope scott songs but you're not allowed to make fun of me for this. god this is probably gonna end up with me making a playlist. thankfully i'm too lazy to make playlists so my ears are safe from the onslaught of random mishmashed songs that remind me of cress (that said thinking of a song when i see a character or thinking of a character when i hear a song has gotta be the highest honour i can bestow to any character)

i remember reading meyer's pronounciation guide when i first started the series and jacin's was like "jay-sin - so the real pronounciation of jason" but i'm aussie and every jason i've known has been pronounced jay-sen, so i'm respectfully ignoring that. i doubt i'm pronouncing anyone's names right anyway LMAO like i have to mentally correct myself every time i read benoit as "beh-no-it" instead of "ben-wah" (if i'm STILL incorrect i apologise to french speakers). i've also been pronouncing wolf's actual name as "zay-ev" idk how right that is

@eddisfargo @francforever @winterrhayle @winterpinetrees @shellyseashell

[quiet-nocturne]

answer your 30 questions please and thank you!!!

WOO. HERE WE GO, YA'LL:

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

How many words have you written this year? Published? 22,685. Unpublished? A loooooot ahaha.

How many works did you publish this year? Currently, 3. Hoping to have 4-5 by christmas though. 👀

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? definitely cause i'm lovesick. That thing was a labor of love. My first fanfic baby in a loooong time.

What work of yours has the most hits? currently cause i'm lovesick (I ain't even ashamed), which is at 735 hits. But it's kind of biased, considering I only came back to fic writing in like october.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? nothing in particular - I'm just happy to have any engagement!

Favorite title you used honestly, no favorite as of yet. All the titles I've used come from song lyrics that are super royai coded/important to me, so I like them all. That answer could definitely change in the future though!

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? most recently, taylor swift (hopeless, breathless, burning slow), but also banks (cause i'm lovesick and you're all that matters to me anyway - she's SO GOOD for angsty love songs). Lyrics are so, so important to me. I have a ~300 song royai playlist (which I'm going to slim down and post here at some point) that I listen to constantly, lol, and a huge notes file on my phone filled with potential song lyric titles. I have a music degree and it's literally so important to my writing process aajsaksjljasjl.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Royai. lol. That's not going to change any time soon. The extreme hyperfixation is REAL.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Again royai. They're the best. My babies. 💖

What work was the quickest to write? Surprising, chapter 2 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. started it last night and i'm already nearly done the first draft. That thing flew out of me, especially considering chapter 1 was much more of a journey lol.

What work took you the longest to write? definitely chapter 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. it wasn't the writing that was the issue - it was the editing. I really dragged my feet on it, and could have had that thing out like 2 weeks ago. 🤦‍♀️

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? oh god. my wip's currently include: - chapter 2 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow - sequel to cause i'm lovesick (I ain't even ashamed) - a christmas fic - angsty, hurt/comfort, character exploration, ishval restoration multi-chaptered fic (I'm REALLY excited to work on this!!! yay angst) - roy and riza returning to her old father's house post-cannon and STUFF HAPPENS, fluff, hurt/comfort, etc (also really excited for this one! i've been daydreaming about it for MONTHS. Even just thinking about this fic feels like sinking into a warm bath. That's the vibes I want it to give) - ANOTHER post-promised day fic, because I'm a broken record, but this time more humorous/cute. - aaaand yet another post-promised day fic, but one where Riza REALLY ISN'T DOING WELL/almost dies like a million times at the hospital and roy is sad (!!!). - briggs angst/sick fic - does that make sense? no? it will. Yeah. yeahhh. That list is only going to get bigger. 🤷‍♀️ Some of these will also, shockingly, not have smut lol.

What’s your longest work of the year? So far, ch. 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow at a whopping 9, 792 words. It really ran away from me.

What’s your shortest work of the year? mmm, you're all that matters to me anyway at 5,954 words. apparently I can't write anything below 5k lol. 🤷‍♀️

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? Oof, I mean probably most of what I had listed above. I aim to have some of it done - but it's already December 7th, so yeah.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Smut. lol.

Your favorite character to write this year? Surprisingly, Roy. I almost find him easier to write than Riza. Normally I don't enjoy writing from the male perspective. But Roy Mustang is just 🔥. I was so surprised lol.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? No one, as of yet. But we'll see what I say once I start working more on the multi chaptered fics. 😬

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? More Royai, maybe with a dash of Roy/Maes. Maybe I'll try a bit of Ed/Winry? Who knows!

Which work of yours have you reread the most? chapter 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. I am so fucking sick of it ahaha helppp.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? Currently at 142! You are all so sweet. 😭

Which work has the most comments? I think cause i'm lovesick at the moment!

Did you do any collaborative works this year? nope! Definitely something I'd consider doing in the future though!

Did you write any gifts this year? maybe! 👀 we shall see

Did you receive any gifts this year? nope!

What’s your most common category? ...Smut. lol. 🤷‍♀️

What do you listen to while writing? ahhhh I love talking about music with my ships! like I said, my ridiculously huge royai playlist. also all of my top songs on spotify were from it, which includes: 1. Say Yes to Heaven - Lana Del Ray (i've got my eye on you / i've got my mind on you) 2. Work Song - Hozier (no grave could hold my body down / i'll crawl home to her) 3. I Wanna Be Yours - Artic Monkeys (secrets i have held in my heart / are harder to hide then i thought / maybe i just wanna be yours) 4. Night We Met - Lord Horan feat. Pheobe Bridges (i had all and then most of you / some and now none of you / take me back to the night we met / i don't know what i'm supposed to do / haunted by the ghost of you) - that ishval restoration fic is definitely going to use a lyric from this song SOMEWHERE Honorable mentions: Die First - Nessa Barrett (someone dies or someone gets hurt / but if one of us dies / i hope i die first) Ya'aburnee - Halsey (i'll never know / if there's danger in confession / or it's memory that presses / like a blade against my throat / another word and i could choke / but what's worst? / tellin' you my feelings / or to die without revealing / that you got inside my head / and set a fire there instead?) Dress - Taylor Swift (there is an indentation in the shape of you / made your mark on me, a golden tattoo / all of this silence and patience / pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you) 10000/10, would play at royai's wedding.

Favorite work you wrote this year? cause i'm lovesick. Again, it was my baby. I loved writing it so much.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? mmmm, probably: "She'd planned to stay angry at Mustang for longer, but then he'd surprised her by sauntering into her apartment basically the second his train had arrived, eyes blazing with desire as he collected her in his warm embrace, murmuring you have no idea how much I've been craving to taste you against the soft skin of her throat." (I tried to find one that was mostly sfw lol).

Biggest surprise while writing this year? Just being able to write, in general! It's been so much fun. 💖

[maxdurden]

tagged by @deadchannelradio! thanks!! i'll always take the opportunity to talk ad nauseam about music i'm listening to lol

shuffle your on repeat playlist (on spotify) and list the first 10 songs and then tag 10 people

1. Pigs is Pigs by Mannequin Pussy — what an incredible first pull. uhm. sorry for the screamo ass punk music but also consider that i literally JUST saw them in concert and this song goes so hard. it's not sung by their front woman (who totally deserves her flowers), but i LOVE colins' vocals. not a lyric in the song, but what he said at the concert was 'we don't need police, we need community' and fuck yes. this is such a good band if you have an opportunity to see them in concert do it holy fuck they're so good haha 😬👍

2. American Teenager by Ethel Cain — i know exactly two (2) ethel cain songs but this one goes hard what can i say. peak speeding down the highway singing at the top of your lungs music (don't speed, dive safe kids)

3. Control by Mannequin Pussy — it's gonna be a lot of mannequin pussy on here,,,,,,, lmao. this song is great tho!

4. Too Sweet by Hozier — there's probably gonna be a lot of hozier on here too lol. he released new music which always makes me ill, but also unreal unearth unheard has been sooo good for the oc's i've recently been throwing around like ragdolls in my head lol

5. I Got Heaven by Mannequin Pussy — 'and what if jesus himself ate my fucking snatch?' need i say more? this is maybe one of their best songs lol

6. Smog by Indigo De Souza — everyone go listen to all of indigo de souza's music RIGHT. NOW. thanks :)

7. Clean Slate by The Mountain Goats — this is another band that released a new album recently(ish) and i've just been a bit ill about some of the songs. the trumpets are especially fun in this one lol

8. Ptolemaea by Ethel Cain — okay so stick with me on this one. it's a great song first of all (insane that it's on the same album as american teenager lmao but go off ethel) but i've mostly been listening to it for oc purposes. this oc is kinda a vessel for working through feelings about gods and faith, and the way that both gods and the faithful need each other and shape each other. essentially,,, in a universe where gods are sustained by the faith of their followers, what happens when all but one of their followers is wiped out. in what ways do those two entities change and warp and love and destroy each other. ya know. just coping with senior year of college things tbh. anyway it's a great song :3

9. Apollo by Momma — this song has fun instrumentation, makes brain go brr. also!!! very on theme for the previously mentioned oc and thinking about gods and the weird relationships you can have with them.

10. Same as Cash by The Mountain Goats —IN YOUR CAR WITH YOUR HEAD IN YOUR HANDS AT THE FAR END OF THE WALMART PARKING LOT, TRYING NOT TO BUCKLE UNDER THE STRAIN, STRIKING A BARGAIN WITH THE IMP IN YOUR BRAIN, PREPAIRED TO TAKE ANOTHER KNOCK FOR THE SHORT GANG, BUT YOU CAN ASK ANY VETERAN RUNNING BACK, EVENTUALLY YOUR JOINTS COMPLAIN. this song is so special to me no one will ever understand it like i do (only bitches who have worked long hours at an understaffed walmart during the pandemic while couch surfing bc you just left your shitty home situation will ever understand what john is trying to say here like i do tbh. entirely possible john doesn't even understand it like i do [this is a joke. art is personal and always ripe for meaningful and individual interpretation. pls don't shoot me]). but everyone should listen to it anyway, the violins and piano are so so fun and good

hahaaaa i told you i could talk soo much about the music i like, unfortunately for y'all

@darkravenstag @thrustin-timberlake @mitebitmurderous @johaerys-writes @sabrirene @sarcasticbeanie @seethestarsalittlecloser @sleeperagentclone @notacluedo @alive-ontheinside

(no pressure ofc!!! and if you don't have spotify i say just go hog wild and talk about songs you've been enjoying no one can stop you)

[misc-obeyme]

akwkdjfwjdjf dont mind me in a puddle because that's so sweet that you enjoy my updates ??? 😭😭😭 I didn't think I'd go this far with the coffeeshop au and i have so many ideas bouncing around in my head and they're not even together yet but

WAHHH i feel like I'd never have gotten even CLOSE to writing anything again without your encouragement so i just wanna say thank you 🥹🥹 akwjdj

I'm about to actually try writing that song fic for solomams, EVEN BROUGHT THE WIRELESS KEYBOARD AND EVERYTHING BC I'M STAYING SOMEWHERE OVERNIGHT

also i was reading through my notes (i love that i keep saying my notes, it's so amusing, but i have a notes app AND pages in my sketchbook - anyway), and i think the concert scene might make more sense chronologically? mayhaps? *squints* it would also mean we get to meet beel and belphie for a second

that one is definitely more drama/emotional vibes. and when i say drama, i mostly mean you wanna bonk one of the three on the head because they're going through it trying to realize their feelings (mainly me </3. nothing like oddly specific lyrics to make you realize your crushes !! but playlist drama there's a note that says 'mammon has a breakdown he reschedules for later' is all I'll say bc it's funny how he short circuits over things. He can't be overthinking what was just said, he's got orders to make!)

im gonna do what i always do and daydream about it until it all connects in my head. spiderweb plot at it's finest !! OKAY GOODNIGHT

- ✨ anon

I've said it before, I'll say it again, I must know how this story ends!! LOL. I'm thoroughly enjoying it, so keep 'em comin'!

Oh wow!! Well, I'm always always going to encourage you to write! I honestly really enjoy what you send me and I think anything you create will turn out great!

Woo solomams!! I hope you enjoy the writing process!!

Ah yes sometimes events need to be shuffled around for the sake of the story! You can always change it back if you decide you don't like where it is! My writing program is set up so that I can write each scene in a new "document" and then just drag them around when I want them to take place in a different part of the story. So sometimes stuff is out of order for a bit lol!

LOL Mammon rescheduling the breakdown for later is excellent, I know exactly what that feels like. It's always okay, I know I'm buzzing about something under everything else but I don't have time to freak out about that right now because there are twenty other things I gotta take care of! Anyway, a little drama is always good! Shakes things up!

Honestly, I do that, too! When it comes to longer stories, I spend a decent chunk of time just daydreaming/thinking about it while I go about my regular days. And then eventually it just works itself out! It's one of the best parts of writing imo lol.

[msburgundy]

i've got several tag posts built up so I'm going to get them all out in one go lol

Tagged by @avesblues2 and @fairytale-lights for these (technically 2 different sets of questions but they're mostly the same so I'm combining)

Last song: One Sweet Love by Sara Bareilles

Last movie: lol The Bodyguard (1992)

Currently watching: technically Homeland but only barely lately

Currently Reading: Left of Bang lol

Currently craving: chocolate i suppose, but that's kind of constant

Last thing I researched: idk if this is just supposed to be last thing i looked up but last thing i was actively researching was interoception

Currently consuming: nothing at the moment but i just had some chili and cornbread

Three ships: Geralt and Yennefer from The Witcher, probably on some level Peter Quinn and Carrie Mathison from Homeland, and Frank Farmer and Rachel Marron from The Bodyguard (interpret that list however you will lol)

~*~*~*~*~

tagged by @anxiousgirl for 5 songs i actually listen to

right now i've been really heavily preferring a single playlist, though a lot of the songs in there are outside of the scope of my typical listening

So Far Away by Carole King

Fantasy by Mariah Carey

Something in the Water by Sion Hill

Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon

Responsible by Sara Bareilles

~*~*~*~*~

tagged by @kirkendauhl-v2 for comfort movies and shows

Comfort Movies:

Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

The Bodyguard (1992)

The Cheetah Girls 1-3

Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

Far From The Madding Crowd (2015)

Pride and Prejudice (2005)

No comfort shows, discomfort only:

Homeland

Fringe

Rizzoli and Isles

[slanax]

so the podcast playlist ran out at work earlier today and left me with just music and my thoughts while I continued packaging products on autopilot. Now over the last month or so I've done a lot in my day to day life to stop stagnating and settling for 'good enough' as far as like household and stuff is concerned, I finally upgraded my phone and phone plan after like five and ten years respectively, I bought new clothes that actually fit me instead of the holdovers from back in the day that I was still wearing, my kitchen now has an actual workspace bc I've rearranged my furniture and added some more - shoutouts to my mom who wanted the doors off of my ikea cupboards so she'd have a matching set for the ones I left at home (the kind I had wasn't in store anymore) bc her offering to drive me to Ikea to get replacements triggered a bit of a binge in rearranging my whole apartment and let me transport the new stuff home too. Visiting my brother made me cook more and eat healthier bc he showed me the burgers he's cooking up when he needs something fast but like, with standards.

anyways. rambling. point is that the whole thing got me thinking about other things in my life that I'm kinda 'eh good enough' on, and the big one there is my identity and my body. Me being cis is, at least at this point, a conscious choice born from indifference, the factory settings work well enough and it'd be effort to even start looking into what I'd have to do to change them. But at the same time, it doesn't feel super cis for my position to be "yeah I'd prolly trans my gender if given the chance but that sounds like I'd have to file shit and call people and bureaucracy would be involved. But I would. But the effort." like I'm remembering Ranma 1/2 from my childhood and think that'd be neat to be able to do, just switch genders at the drop of a literal bucket, I feel that's not a very cis thought.

so then about two weeks ago my workplace gave us access to some health benefits, because they're feeling bad about keeping the warehouse people a bit out of the loop and removed from the office people, and also they're having trouble finding new people and really don't want any of us to quit, or something along those lines. Point is I have better health insurance now, based on a calender year budget, so I basically have an above average budget for the second half of this year now and I wanna make use of that, because it's a use-it-or-lose-it kinda deal. Now I don't know if I can use that for any gender affirming stuff, but I might.

The problem that remains is that I still couldn't care less for going through the whole rigamaroll of a social transition, but like. staying on-paper cis and continuing to use my given name to avoid all those complications, legally still being the same person and just looking different (might need a new ID if I go that far lol) doing whatever the fuck I want with my body in the meantime without it ever affecting my legal identity because it's not a deadname if I'm still just using it, it doesn't actually give me dysphoria, and they can't force me to change my name just because I have boobs, might be what I want? And then maybe I can consider a legal gender and/or name change from there?

idk on one hand it sounds like something I'd want to do but on the other hand I also feel it's not like, committed enough? like both on a practical level where I need a doctor to help me transition physically while still using the same (male) name, and on an ideological level where it feels like appropriation in a way to just want the body and the appearance but skipping over the whole paperwork thing because I can't be arsed while for a lot of people changing name and officially recognized identity is a just as if not more important aspect of transitioning.

genuinely can't tell on my own if that standpoint is a valid one, if I'm right to be hesitant for that reason or if that's an exclusionist brainworm take, would appreciate feedback and second opinions on that part especially

either way I am going to look into using my newfound health benefits for getting my facial hair lasered first and foremost because even if I stay physically 100% male that shit is annoying, I don't care for how it looks on me, I feel messy when it's there and can't be assed to shave it regularily. Avoiding effort is a key part of my identity either way whether I'm Cis+ or Legally Cis For Tax Reasons

[northwest-cryptid]

oh mann. squeaking of music. you got any artists with slow relaxy type music you like? and what's your favorite instrument? and what are your top 3 video game ost's? ...three questions at once, the terrible tripler... but as a beast who loves music, i am always ravenous for music opinions...

Not gonna lie this is kind of a hard ask not only because it's a lot to answer about a topic I tend not to talk about much but because I don't really know artists so much as I know songs, and to top it all off I don't really do "top" stuff, or "favorite" stuff; it's hard for me to pick or rank a lot of the things I like, I use the term "one of my favorite" or "among the best of" when I talk about things I really like because more often than not I'd say that about ANYTHING I really like, I don't really have a favorite artist or a top OST or anything.

Most of my music consumption is random, I'll listen to playlists on youtube or soundcloud or bandcamp and such. A lot of the time an artist is less of a concern to me because majority of my experience has been that they have one song I really like, followed by about 12 more in the album that are kinda just okay but lack the style that I enjoyed so much.

That being said I'll do my best to answer since I do enjoy getting asks and you actually took the time to send me this so I will respect that by taking the time to answer it :D

Let's start with the chill relaxing stuff!

As far as Artists go if you don't mind some more kinda weird tones in your relaxing music I think Monster Rally is a great artist.

A few core examples of their vibe can be heard in Lovely You:

as well as one I really enjoy, Color Sky:

They have a very unique sound in my opinion and I have a lot of interest in this kind of music since it hits a weird spot for me somewhere between acoustic jam session and weird vaporwave-y daydream music.

Almost all their music is between 1 and 2 minutes and contains these short loops and layered instrumentals with occasional lyrical influences. It's pretty fun and keeps my ADHD at bay with no song being too long.

For something a little more pop-ish I also enjoy TV Girl though I don't know if their music counts entirely as "Relaxed" since it can be a little faster. I've listened to them for years, a lot of their music reminds me a lot of my time in an indie band. They play a lot of the "soft punk sad boy" type music I'd see a lot in the indie scene. I often find myself singing or humming along to these whenever I'm cleaning the house or cooking dinner.

A few tracks I like a lot are Birds Don't Sing:

Lovers Rock:

and The Blonde:

Though to be honest I like a good bit of TV Girl's music so I'm trying to not list entire albums here lol. I try not to get hipster about it because for whatever reason it became oddly popular as of the last couple of years and I heard someone refer to it as "weirdcore" once and nearly died on the spot. I don't even dislike Weirdcore I just have a lot of thoughts on the idea of what the hell a genre is at this point.

Important note I am also 100% the sort of person who chills out and relaxes to Happy Hardcore and Eurobeat. So please consider the fact that my idea of relaxed varies wildly from like lounge jazz to club hardcore depending on the day. (There's literally a song that came out 7 years ago called Chillcore and it summarizes my thoughts on the subject perfectly I'd have been 21 when that song came out and I still occasionally hear it and go "yea" to this day.)

As far as favorite instrument goes I'm very partial to drums, drums of any kind. I think they're overlooked so much but then I'm bias because I'm a drummer so like of course I love drums. Any song that makes good use of drums is okay in my book. I will never forget how hard I cringed when the Bassist in my band once said "Bass is more important than Drums any day of the week, I mean literally who has ever heard of a drum solo?" I just sat there like "dude why are we even in the same band if you don't value my contribution" though she was something else in terms of like... superiority complexes. Regardless!

I may not have a top 3 Video Game OSTs since there's so many good ones out there and so many good options depending on your mood, but I will list a ton of good ones depending on the kind of mood you're in.

To keep with the theme of chill tunes let's start with a banger and one of my favorite game OSTs as to also kind of answer top 3.

VA-11 Hall-A has an amazing OST and I'm going to do the really basic bitch thing of saying you gotta listen to Every Day Is Night:

I used to listen to this a lot whenever I worked my night shift, it gave the title a very literal meaning to me. The synth jazz was the perfect companion for long nights on the job when I needed to chill out and vibe for a bit.

Keeping in line with the relaxed but perhaps a bit more anxiety inducing; I've spoken about it a lot, you know it; you love it, it's Lobotomy Corporation's very own No Warning:

Lob Corps whole OST has some absolutely beautiful tracks, everything from techy synths and chimes to entirely orchestral sweeping performances. I have a soft spot for this game and it's OST, as well as the OST of Library of Ruina, it's sequel, for which I'd like to highlight Malkuth's Battle Theme:

Specifically the third tier emotion level of this song, never before have I heard "battle jazz" done so well, not only is it classy; but it KICKS ASS. There's so much I could say about this game and it's OST in terms of themes and such but I digress, for now we'll move on because I got a lot to go through.

Next up we're looking at a more fantastical setting with Mabinogi's OST, which has a ton of genuinely amazing music, but one I want to highlight is the major main theme of the game which will always give me chills and make me cry a bit from nostalgia. More specifically the version performed by the FILMharmonic Orchestra:

This song means more to me than I can properly explain, there's so much emotion behind it for me as someone who has played this game for half my life, who met my partner through this game; and who's life has no joke been absolutely changed by this game. The OST has always been a part of my life, we even play music from this game while decorating the house for various seasons. The entire OST is so varied and expansive and there's almost always something to fit my mood.

However when I'm looking for something more upbeat, and I need to get my blood pumping I turn to a bit more action oriented music, which is where games like ULTRAKILL absolutely fit the bill. I cannot warn you enough this song is the musical equivalent of shoving shrapnel in your ears, and I mean that in the most admirable way possible.

Heavy techno and metal vibes, you got electric guitar that's basically fighting the synth lead for the spotlight despite the two working in perfect harmony to encapsulate this absolutely disgusting rhythm.

However sometimes I want to be upbeat without the sensory overload which is when I turn to Xenoblade (takes place on Earth) to fill the niche. I've been really vibing to the jazzy upbeat nature of XC3's OST lately, and the game has been pretty fun too :D

Now see this is why I dislike answering all this in one ask, I can only post 10 videos per post. So now I just gotta link things like this:

Xenoblade 3 OST - Brilliant Wings AKA This Jazz Band Is Fighting For Their Life

I'll cut this short since Tumblr is an ass and won't let me keep posting videos, but I cannot stress enough that when it comes to music with me there are no "top 3" OSTs, or favorites. Music is a mood setter, it's a tone; it's a vibe. I gotta listen to the right music at the right time, if I'm not feeling up for it then I won't like it.

To me there's so much out there I love, and to limit myself to a top 3 is hard because it depends entirely on the day. If I'm going through a chill phase then I'm going to favor tracks with more relaxed and chilled out influences, if I've been mowing down hoards of demons in ULTRAKILL for the last 5 days straight you better believe I'm not listening to anything other than like DOOM OST and extremely thrashy techno.

I hope this answer is satisfactory regardless!

[shyspider]

I was never really interested in transformers but after reading your fics I'm HOOKED. so I wanted to familiarize myself with the lore and did some light research and now I want to watch the shows, the problem is that I only have access to : transformers prime, transformers rescue bots, transformers robots in disguise, the transformers the movie and transformers war for cybertron(only 1 season for this one)

Idk if these are even connected or relevant lol but these are all i have 😔

could you maybe tell me in what order to watch them in? I figured you would be able to help me 🙏

(also are the movies worth watching? are they a whole another thing?)

Also I LOVE LOVE your fics they're the only thing keeping me alive and entertained so far. adore your writing it's so well structured!!you're an amazing writer 🤍

Let me just yell to anyone scrolling by to REBLOG with any streaming sites you may know that would have more Transformer content.

Never in my life have I ever expected to get an ask like this. I am absolutely SHOOK. Like, I would have never thought anyone who wasn't deep into Transformers would bother to read my work, but here you are, in my inbox, asking for my opinion on what to watch.

Before I get into it, Thank you so much! This is quite the compliment and I'm getting all bashful in my own home. Reccs below cut...

I am just, hands on my face staring at the screen, trying to figure out what to recommend first. You sound like you have all the same stuff I do. I'll try my best not to overwhelm you.

First thing I'm going to recommend, that you haven't mentioned, is COMICS. My fic is based in the IDW universe. The stories are geared for an older audience, and the Lost Light series will make you cry. Get yourself an ad blocker, and check out readcomiconline.li/. You may be overwhelmed at first, but IDW published 'The IDW Collection' for your reading ease. I linked the name if you want to check it out.

As for what to watch... everyone will have different opinions, so don't let what I say stop you from checking out what you want or skipping. I listed them in the order I personally would watch them in.

Transformers Prime: Watched it. Highly recommend. Has some dark themes, battles gritty, things get tense. Well placed humor. Good story.

TF: RID: Watched it. Less cute and chill, but still wholesome. Tries to be funny, but most of the story is great to follow, and it actually ties in with Prime and Rescue Bots.

TF Rescue bots: Watched it. Cute, chill, wholesome. Recommend if you just want something nice to watch, especially with little ones around. That island has sure seen some shit.

War For Cybertron: Watched it. It wasn't terrible. Its good if you want a version of the story of the war BEFORE they come to Earth. It's dark, gritty, and dystopian. It doesn't really tie into the others previously mentioned.

Transformers (Bayverse): Watched it. I know a lot of people shit on bayverse but I'll watch anything with Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime, any day. Its good in some aspects and bad in many others. The movies are their own universe.

One thing I've noticed you didn't mention is a lot of the shows available on youtube: - You've got season 1 of the original G1 series - animation mistakes and all. - There's the very awesome, very retro, 80s transformer movie. I have the music on my playlist. - There's the Combiner Wars. Haven't seen it. Its in my watchlist - Cyberverse is a favorite with many. I haven't seen much of it, but plan to. Very short episodes, so if you want to consume content in short doses, this could be the one for you. I think it gets a little dark, but I'm not sure.

I hoped I answered well enough <3 Have fun and enjoy!