#they're an old divorced queer couple TO ME

[vasito-de-leche]

transwoman Druvis and gay Forget Me Not ruins my life and makes my head bang the walls (lovingly)

RIGHT???? RIGHTTTTTTTT??????? I love that ship so much when there's always something irreconcilable between them and when they're extremely divorced

[gottagobackintime]

I find it fascinating to witness the straight audience of any media not being able to pick up what the makers of the movie/show puts down.

It’s like when people reacted to the “You wear fine things well” scene in Our Flag Means Death with “aw, they’re such good friends” whereas the queer audience went “omg, this is happening”. We all had access to the same scene, we’d all watched the build up to that scene but the straight audience wrongly read it as friends/straight whereas the queer audience had suspected they were building up to a romance but this was the confirmation. Even the creator of the show was baffled that people were surprised that Ed and Stede fell in love. Because he thought they had made it obvious.

And as I said, we, the queer audience picked up on it. And I feel like the same thing is happening with Ted Lasso. Do I know that Ted and Trent will get together? No, I am unfortunately not a writer on Ted Lasso. But you can’t deny that there are clues pointing to it. But the straight audience barely pick up the fact that Ted and Trent like each other, be that in a platonic way or romantic way. I’ve seen several reactions to the last episode of season 2 and ONE of them included the scene where Ted reacts to Trent not being in the press room. All of them severely cut down the scene in the parking lot. One of the scenes most of us Ted/Trent truthers point to as a huge piece of evidence for it going canon. The parallel of them meeting in an empty parking lot, just like Ted and his ex-wife and Roy and Keeley. But because Ted and Trent are both men it couldn’t possibly mean anything. And Ted has an ex-wife and a kid so he can’t possibly be into men, as if there is no such thing as being bisexual. “But I’m pretty sure Trent has a family, he has a kid right?” So? He could be divorced, we also have no idea if his daughter has another dad or a mum. And the same thing applies to him, it doesn’t mean he can’t be into men (take also into account all of James Lance’s interviews, and his choice of shirt in one of them, friend of Dorothy anyone? He's the captain of this ship, we're just along for the ride tbh.)

Then we have the wonderful “I’m so not homophobic, in fact, you are homophobic because you think Ted is gay just because he likes musicals and has ‘feminine’ traits” um no… it’s the fact that he kind of acts in a way that an ally wouldn't. Yeah, he called himself an ally in that one episode. But every single person who is now out as queer who at one point considered themselves an ally because "I’m not one of them but I sure think they're neat" raise a hand 🖐️ (been there, done that. Was very into queer things before I realised I myself am one of them). What it always comes down to is "it's pandering", "it's tokenism" (having the main character on the show be queer wouldn't be fucking tokenism), "not everything has to be gay", "why can't men just be friends, there is a severe lack of male friendships on tv". And like the last one makes me go??? There are a MILLION friendships between men on TV. There are even multiple friendships between men in Ted Lasso. Beard and Ted, Ted and Higgins, Ted and Roy, the himbos and so on. Having Ted and Trent become a couple wouldn't really change anything because there are still friendships between men. They also claim that Ted is needed as the "straight without toxic masculinity" representation. As if Beard isn't right there. The man who has no problem going to an immersive show about the menstrual cycle. Has no problem with shrieking when he's surprised and so on.

I also like that if we'd get Ted and Trent together, we'd get two middle aged queer dads. Which isn't that common. It's not even super common to see people realising they're queer late in life on TV, and yet it happens every day. Because let's face it, most queer men on TV kind of look like Colin, and I don't mean that as a bad thing. And I'm looking forward to his storyline. But it's also nice seeing middle aged or old people finding themselves and being allowed to be who they are (see Ed and Stede from OFMD). Also would enjoy seeing people lose their minds when they realise they've been fooled this entire time. It'll be like Black Sails all over again.

I do not have any doubts about the fact that, had Trent or Ted been a woman and they saw Trent give up his career because of Ted's influence, they sure as hell wouldn't protest people thinking they'd become a couple. But because it's two men it's just delusional for some reason (homophobia).

What I'm saying is, it's clear that the straight audience has a hard time picking up subtext and clues that the makers are planting. Because they've never had to do that. Because they are always clearly represented. They don't have to look for minor side characters and hope that they might be queer. Because the main character is straight and most of the supporting cast too. When you've grown up with a lack of representation or with representation that is meant to be subtext, you'll learn to pick up on it. And you do look at media differently. I just wish that the straight audience could listen to us for once, without getting defensive and dancing around the fact that they are uncomfortable relating to a character that turned out to be queer.

[mbrainspaz]

I wasn't one of those evangelical kids who got caught up in the emotions of the camp devotionals. I never really cared about the rapture, or death in general. Much less eternal life. The reason I stuck around all the way through college was because I trusted the family and friends who taught me all the bible stuff. They always told me not to trust them, so that one's on me.

They always said, "Don't take my word for it, read the scripture! Do your own studying!" I said to myself, "yeah yeah, cool. In theory. I can't read aramaic or ancient greek though, and I don't really want to spend years in school learning that. It's much more practical to have all these people I know I can trust because they're such good people who clearly have my best interests at heart."

Then I went to a bible college. For an art degree, but they still made me take a bible class every semester. Between meeting esteemed bible scholars and historians in universities on the other side of the world who did know ancient greek aaaaaaand becoming distanced from my old communities, I finally did what they'd always told me to do: I did my own studying. I never learned much ancient greek but learning how to do academic research helped a lot.

Wouldn'tchaknowit—my findings vastly expanded my knowledge from what I'd been taught as a kid. At that point in my early 20's I didn't feel betrayed. What I thought I'd discovered were earnest mistakes! An honest lack of understanding from folks who hadn't had the privilege of traveling and studying the way I had. I was happy to bring what I'd learned back home to them, and embark on new adventures in learning together.

Only one... little... problem. Turns out none of them wanted that.

They didn't want to hear about the fascinating history of biblical mistranslations or cultural analysis of American evangelicalism and how it relates to feminism. They didn't want to learn about the history of other world religions like Buddhism and the interesting parallels with Abrahamic religions. They didn't want to believe queer people aren't explicitly condemned by scripture or that the 2000 year old book they worship might not actually contain a fail-safe blueprint for life in the 21st century. They didn't want think about how much of the bible might've been tacked on by scholars & kings who used it as a tool for social control. I still believed in god and called myself a Christian at this point, after all that. I lost my faith in the people first. I opened my eyes and saw it all. I saw too much.

Any time I tried to share what I'd learned or gently push back against their teachings their condemnation was immediate and absolute. It quickly became clear that what 'studying scripture' meant to them was only ever, "we'll tell you what it means, and you'll believe us." Any deviation from their 'interpretation'—now plainly revealed to me as patriarchal 1950's American traditionalism dressed up in middle eastern farmer's robes and doing a VBS play production of an ancient culture they knew frighteningly little about—only branded me as a disrespectful dissident. I also saw Christians I'd respected doing all manner of dishonorable things. A missionary who'd once nearly convinced me to work with him in South America sent me a horrifically islamophobic manifesto. Church elders admitted to me that they owned city slums. Outwardly perfect couples filed for divorce. Bit by bit it wore down my trust. It broke the illusion that Christianity offered any kind of exclusive merit or made anybody better somehow. I started to realize they were all just as flawed and fallible as any 'sinner' off the street. Of course they were all quick to say 'we have all fallen short of the grace of God!'—but what's the point, then? These people I'd trusted with my soul were quick to admit that they shouldn't be trusted... then turn around and insist that they still knew what was best for me and my life.

Over the next few years it got to the point that they as good as told me to my face that the only way I could keep being part of their community was if I shut up and conformed to exactly what they believed. I almost could've put up with it except that that tacitly included being good christian wife with 2.5 kids who votes republican, lives in the suburbs, and goes to Wednesday night bible study to listen to some local septuagenarian who never set foot in seminary school teach me a moral lesson from the same damn book every week.

Like hell.

It became painfully clear they'd never truly cared about what was good for me or what would actually make me happy. Once I realized the horrible truth of my situation I only stuck around so long because I didn't want to rock the boat. I always liked the singing, and the sexist jokes from the pulpit were a decent conversation starter for whenever I wanted to try another assault on the fortress of my parents' ignorance. One day during Sunday morning song service my dad saw me reading a book in my lap. He leaned over and angrily said, "If you're only here for me, don't bother." So I stood up and walked out.

Never been back.

God and I were always chill, from the start to the end. We get into some heated moral arguments and sometimes we debate whether gods even exist, but what else are gods for? It's the worshipers who worry me.

[bansheeoftheforest]

putting all your skillpoints in one language is something i can relate tbh. i speak portuguese in my daily life but my own writing in it makes me cringe. the mere prospect of writing smut in portuguese makes me cry, and i love writing smut even when i'm not attracted to the characters involved, i just think it's fun.

anyways. i put everything i like into my jekyll. he has it all: mad scientist (obv), cult leader, religious imagery, mommy AND daddy issues, all my disorders, very queer (not like he'd admit to the later two tho), goth, lawful evil (lawful evil jekyll & chaotic neutral hyde is my favourite combination bc they're annoying in very different ways but equal amounts). my frankenstein is not much better, but she's more toned down (still a transfem girlfailure scientist with lichtenberg scars tho)(i went with female frankenstein because of tgs influence and couldn't let go of it after). griffin is there and he's jekylls ex bf/former academic rival/nuisance. sherlock and watson are minor characters and are bot beating the old married couple allegations. dorian gray is an annoying bitch who causes problems on purpose but his charisma stat is maxed so we can't complain. there's also a bunch of ocs, most of them inspired by characters from other adaptations (esp the musical (i don't fully disconsider traditional publishing so i divorced it from any media that wasn't public domain a while ago)) and a few others who are just blorbos from my brain that i try to fit into any project i'm hyperfixated at.

obligarory "sorry for infodumping on you but i'll do it more if you give me permission" line, and i'll be happy to listen (read actually, but semantics) if you want to yap back.

- 🕷️

I have to admit when i was boyfailuring on writing bg3 fics i considered just turning to smut in the equivelent of giving up becoming a doctor and deciding to be a stripper. just "PLOTS AND GENUINE RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD. WHY CANT I JUST WRITE THE MOST BASIC SMUT". In the end i have so far decided against it because for once in my life ive learned to have shame /j

ANYWAYS, THIS ALL SOUNDS VERY VERY INTERESTING /GEN. Esp love the Griffin / Jekyll exes part bc them being enemies to lovers or lovers to enemies will always hit right. Sherlock and Watson never misses. Never read dorian grey tho so sadly cannot attest to any of that but it sounds very on brand xD

YOU ARE VERY FREE TO INFODUMP but. My day has not necessarily been good so I really cannot promise that I will answer now or answer in a satisfactory manner, I would also love to yap but sadly I dont really have a lot to yap about rn xD

[stackthedeck]

20 questions for fic writers Thank you @babblingflowers for the tag!!

How many works do you have on ao3?

45 minus the podfic which i don't count but maybe I should

what's your total ao3 word count?

308,676

3.What fandoms do you write for?

writing now mostly marvel comics specifically fantastic four and spider-man but before that it was that weird soup of marvel where it's both the comics movies and shows blended into a beautiful mess

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Getting together for the kids, space boys, one little slip, what's mine is ours, let's see how far you've come

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to be really good about it, but in the same way I get overwhelmed by responding to online messages comments have been a lot but I still love them so much! I always respond if it's a recent fic and I swear I will reply to the 60 in my inbox soon

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending

either "put me together and take me apart" because it ends with Matt and Peter breaking up because they're still grieving their exes but it feels so much less sad because they get back together in the sequel.. Or "ignorance is bliss" because Jon (tma) forgets Martin exists

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

One little slip, Johnny and Peter get together and go to a premier as the human torch and spider-man

Do you get hate on fics?

Not on any that are currently up...

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah, it's been very gender queer lately idk what that means but smut has just become a vessel to display the beauty of queer bodies recently

Do you write crossovers?

not anymore, but my second most popular fic is one so...

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah I had a good omens fic translated into russian it was good old fashion lover boy

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but I'm trying to cyberbully one of my friends into co-writing one with me (Ash if you're seeing this, we've gotta do it)

What's your all-time favorite ship?

All time is hard it's gotta be Percabeth but like currently it's parksborn

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I will finish them it'll happen I swear to god it will, don't look at the parksborn divorce fic I promise it'll update one day

What are your writing strengths?

I think what I have up currently on ao3 has really good dialogue but in my current wips I'm really vibing with like I guess internal thoughts, they feel in character but not it's not so much information that it feels like telling instead of showing

What are your writing weaknesses?

schedules, discipline, finishing anything, my pacing is a little weird at times and I'm always worried about "he would not fucking say that"

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't because I don't know any languages other than English, I'd reach out to someone that actually spoke the language but the reader would probably just google translate it and that'd take them out of the story and the translation wouldn't be good but I guess I could do a footnote. Idk I haven't found a story that has use for it yet

First fandom you wrote for?

Why couldn't it have been the first fandom I read for? ...it was Hamilton, I'm not happy about it either

Favorite fic you've written?

either the parksborn divorce fic because of an unpublished scene or it's you, it's always been you because of the spideypool fight. I think I just love reading couples fighting where they go for the throat (metaphorically if not also physically)

guess I've gotta tag people @evilwickedme @waterme-stories @seek--rest and all the other lovely writer mutuals who I'm forgetting

[churchkey]

i know webgott isn't exactly the ship you primarily write for but GOD i love the way you write modern david webster in maximum volume (and i love his raport with nix it reminds me so much of my own queer friend group in ways i've yet to articulate properly) and i was wondering if you have any headcanons about their coupling and/or their interactions with their friend group (as a couple or individually)?

Haha oh my god, thank you! That's so nice of you to say! I based them loosely on my cousin and his boyfriend, who used to have epic Halloween parties before they got old and decided it was too much work, and if everyone loved it so much, they could damn well volunteer to host it themselves. Alas, no one did.

But David and Joe are still young and fun so let's talk about them. I feel like you should win a prize or something because this is officially the FIRST Webgott ask I've ever received. I do have a few headcanons about them, which did not make it into the fic because I mean, for christ's sake, the thing is already way too long. Anyway, if you'll just follow me...

Even though they knew and liked each other in high school, I don't think they got together until later. Like one time in college they bumped into each other on campus and it was like "I always had a crush on you" - "same" and then they were inseparable. They got married kinda young, around 24 or 25 (I imagined them right around 30 in the fic) and their families were like "... are you SURE you don't want to wait a little longer?" But they don't listen to anyone else, naturally, because what the hell do they know?

I also envisioned them as having gone on some long bike-camping trip up the coast on a tandem bike just before they decided to get married, and something very profound happened on this trip, maybe it just challenged them in ways they'd never been tested before, and they met and overcame those obstacles together and it sort of cemented their bond as a couple. Because if you can successfully ride a tandem with your partner, you can probably weather any storm.

They used to have threesomes with George back in the day but they don't anymore. David and George are good buddies (I've always felt strongly about this, based solely on how George was kind of nice to Webster in that episode when he comes back from the hospital and is just being such a clueless dick). They go see bands together and to see midnight showings of cult movies and stuff like that. Joe actually thinks that if David weren't with him, he and George would be a good couple.

David still has a little teeny tiny crush on Mr. Winters. He wished he knew he was gay when he actually had him as a teacher, but he totally understands why he wasn't out at work.

As mentioned in Ch. 1, they're both journalists. Joe is a sports writer for the major metro daily, David writes for a local news/arts/culture blog. This means they're always out somewhere covering a game or event or whatever, which works for them because the true secret to their success as a couple is their own selfish pursuits of what makes them happy as individuals. They're good at giving each other space to do whatever the fuck they want, knowing that at the end of the day, they don't want anything else as much as they want each other.

Everyone assumes they're about one big blow up away from divorce, but they're actually surprisingly stable. They truly enjoy each other's company and are just as content tending to their flower beds together as they are going to a party or out to the bars with their friends. They worship their cats. They have a Sunday ritual (h/t @anthrobrat) of reading the entire Sunday paper, section by section, David reading the gossip page out loud and being appalled at the list prices of houses in the Real Estate section and saving the Food section because they might actually try one of the recipes this week (they never do). At their core, they're basically just a couple of old queens sliding comfortably into middle age, though their friends would be shocked to see this side of them.

Idk... this is honestly the most I've ever thought about them so I hope it fits with what you were thinking, or at least makes sense with their little cameos in the story. Thanks for the ask, it's always fun to explore and imagine. And thank you so much for reading my stuff! I appreciate you and everyone else who takes the time to read my work so very much. Take care 😍❤️

[a-tale-of-legends]

I finished the relationship post ( family guy death pose) Right now it's mostly like. Who's with who and familial stuff. A lot of uncertainties, that'll probably change in the future. But with that all said, here. I spent way longer on this than I should have ha

Prof Oak - Had a thing with Agatha sometime in the past. Most likely didn't end up together long term ( I mean obviously) and Oak married someone else. She's no longer alive, as is their child, alas.

Red - with blue

Green - unsure

Blue - with red

Daisy - probably has herself a boyfriend

Brock - focused on work, but is bi questioning ( considering dating men)

Misty - ????? She has a boyfriend in the games????? So possibly????

Surge - closeted gay man. He comes out eventually when it really sinks in how queer the league is lmao.

Erika - Happily dating/ married to her old archery partner.

Koga - has a wife that's still alive

Sabrina - Not sure how to feel about dating. Focusing on herself.

Blaine - Simply not interested in dating.

Giovanni - Gets so many bitches lmao. But is married to Ariana in this au.

Ariana - Also swimming in bitches imo. Married to Gio, had two kids that ran away from them rip. Likes getting catty with Archer lol

Pertel - unsure

Lorelei - dated a lot but doesn't get anywhere

Bruno - Isn't interested in relationships atm,but is pan ( much to people's surprise for some odd reason)

Agatha- Had a Thing with Oak once. Terrible experience never again, she's single but probably had a trail of dead husbands in her wake.

Lance - aroace, single dad of 7 ( Kanto trio, johto quartet)

Elm- Wife and two kids ( one of them being Aiko)

Silver - Bi. User to date Aiko before turning his eyes to Kenji

Falkner - Not sure if I want him and Janine to just be mlm wlm besties or an actual couple.

Bugsy - Nonbinary/Agender and waaaaaay more focused on their work with bugs than any relationship atm. ( debating if they're aroace or gay as hell)

Whitney - Gay and dating Jasmine <3

Morty - Morty/Eusine. Not sure if they are dating by the johto arc or not.

Chuck - Has a wife and maybe a kid of his own

Pryce - is a granddad himself. A widow.

Clair - unsure. Has gay aunt vibes but again. Unsure.

Proton - Gay. Gay ass man

Archer - Down bad for Giovanni, insanely jealous of Ariana……probably is Giovanni's side bitch tho lmao

Karen - Honestly, probably gets with Will and maybe Grimsley. Maybe.

Will - Same as above

Birch - has a wife and kids!

Wally- Ends up dating Jin and Kohaku after a long ass time pining.

Roxanne - Maybe with Brawly I dunno.

Brawly - Maybe with Roxanne, again dunno.

Wattson - Unsure. I think in the anime he has a son so maybe????

Flannery - Not dating anyone, but she is pretty gay

Norman - has a wife and kid

Winona - need to think about Steven-Wallacd backstory, but I am liking the idea that she used to date Wallace. Though overall, I'm unsure.

Liza and Tate - ( shrugs ) Tate, for some reason, reads me the type to get crushed easily. But outside of that, they probably don't think about dating until they're older.

Wallace - Looks above at Winona. Still, he ends up with Steven for the long term.

Juan - Single man, doesn't plan on having kids, since Wallace exists.

Phoebe - Unsure

Sidney - Unsure. Wonderful hype man tho

Glacia - Okay so. I saw one hc that Glacia was Siebold's mom and it stuck with me for so long. So I think she had a husband, that left one way or another ( either he died or she divorced him) and she's been single ever since. Her relationship with Siebold is…. complicated. Edit: Glacia is no longer Siebold's mom, rather she's his aunt and legal guardian. They're relationship is still complicated, but there's a level of care here.

Drake - Not interested in relationships

Steven - with Wallace.

Archie - after prison and a lot of therapy, I imagine he gets back with Maxie

Maxie - Same as above.

Shelly - Shelly x Courtney is an interesting ship I've seen but not sure if I want to make it canon. Shelly does get a lot of bitches tho.

Matt - Same with Matt lol. Matt x Tabitha is something I've considered but not sure on. Probably not, given how both parties are, but I'm keeping the option open.

Courtney - Look above at Shelly. Also she does have that obsession with Maxie, though I'm not sure if I want that to be familial or romantic.

Tabitha - Look above at Matt. Tabitha is. Interesting to say the least. The more I think about it, the more I think the ship I mentioned above…. probably wouldn't work. Same with Shelly and Courtney to an extent. Honestly I think he's perfectly fine being single.

Lisia - Bi bi bi, baby. If I wasn't clear, I do plan on making her and Anabel an item.

Anabel - Look above

Noland - Unsure

Greta - Unsure

Tucker - gay as all hell and has had many flings.

Lucy - Serial dater than just can't get them to stay. Probably at a point where she thinks it's better for her to just focus on herself for now.

Spenser - Has a loving wife that's still with him, even at this age.

Brandon - Single, is married to the live of adventure

Zinnia - Requires therapy and traveling around to her to really get with someone.

Prof - Rowan - single. Probably dated a bit in the past but is now married to his work.

Johanna - Not exactly divorced ( yet), but hasn't spoken to her husband in years sooooo. She's not exactly looking for someone right now.

Roark - unsure

Gardenia - unsure

Fantina - Unlike her cousin/sibling ( Tucker), Fantina does actually have a partner. And lots of fans lmao.

Wake - Unsure

Byron - Divorced, but is living happily.

Maylene- Ends up with Candice

Candice - Ends up with Maylene

Volkner - Flint duh

Aaron - Not entirely sure. Definitely queer I think.

Flint - Volkner duh

Bertha - Hmmmm. She deserves a wife. I'm giving her a wife

Lucian - I like the idea of him having feelings for Cynthia, but it's unrequited. Sorry bud.

Cynthia - Bi and has her eyes on a certain actress

Cyrus - Choosing to focus on himself before even considering any type of romantic relationship. Will combust if someone flirted with him.

Mars - Likes the idea of going on dates, never actually been on one.

Juniper - People are too scared to get close with her. Probably for good reason. Fantina is trying ( and failing ) to set her up with someone.

Saturn - Used to be hella gay for Cyrus, but now is just picking up the pieces of everything. Doesn't know how to feel about him, so he's focusing on himself and work.

Charon - No bitches

Palmer - wife and kid

Darach - far too focused on taking care of Caitlin to even consider dating.

Argenta - Wine aunt. Happily single

Thorton - aroace

Dahlia - a free spirit, so she likes having her options open.

Cheryl - Gay

Marley - Also gay. Maybe I should make the date ( shrugs)

Mira - A kid who's main concern isn't dating or noticing who she likes. As for in the future when she's older…no clue.

Buck - Has a crush on a boy on Stark mountain. Doesn't have the guts to confess ironically enough.

Riley - :)

Cedric - Divorced

Aubrey - Married to Fennel :)

Cheren - Gets with Lear*

Bianca - Gets with Roxie

Cilan - Single, too shy to really consider putting himself out there.

Chili - Aroace

Cress - Single, is looking.

Lenora - Canonically married to Hawes. Doesn't plan on having children as of now. They kinda have Cheren for that, ha.

Burgh - I'll give him a win and let him have himself a boyfriend

Elesa - Is with Skyla

Clay - I've definitely seen different takes on him. For now he's a single father of one ( Wayne)

Skyla - Dating Elesa

Brycen - This came to me out of nowhere, but he and Marshall are dating. No one knows except Alder.

Drayden - I already have him as Ingo and Emmets grandpa so, he definitely got with someone, though I think he's single now.

Marlon - Has so many bitches but is too intertwined with the ocean to notice lmao. Maybe one day.

Grimsley - I mentioned he might be a part of a polycule with Will and Karen, but like. Grimsley's a mess. He has many many failed relationships under his belt.

Shauntal - Happily single.

Caitlin - " What? No. Go away"

Marshall- As mentioned before is dating Brycen.

Alder - Widowed granddad.

N - I know he's asexual biromantic. However I'm unsure of what to define his relationship with Kamari. But for now I'll say he's single, living his best life.

Ghetsis - ….I have. No clue.

Colress - Also have no clue!

Sycamore - Has a whole Thing with Lysandre. The sap in me wants them to get back together, but alas.

Dexio - I just saw someone else do it and thought it would be fun. He ends up with Cassius.

Sina - Not sure. I don't even know if she's truly interested in anyone. Possibly aroace.

Shauna: Probably had feelings for Jude and Dante at some point. Probably over then and living her best life.

Trevor - As of Kalos arc, faaaar more focused on the pokedex. After that he probably gets with Tierno.

Tierno - Same as above except he's more focused on dancing.

Viola - *clenches fist* Viola and Perrin are so freaking cute but I don't think they fit in my timeline!!!! So sadly, Viola's gf is someone else.

Grant - Has major feelings for Siebold, but unsure if he feels the same way.

Korrina : Wants a girlfriend so bad ( another sad case of two characters being at different points in the timeline so I can't ship them within the au. This time it's Bea)

Ramos - Was married to his husband for a long time, until he unfortunately passed away. He tries not to let it get him down.

Clemont- His sister keeps trying to get him to date someone lmao. He's moreso interested in his machinery but maybe one day?

Valerie - Debating if I want her to already be with Grant and is aware of the budding feelings between him and Siebold ( it ends in a poly) or just have her single in her own world.

Olympia - Single and is completely fine with that.

Wulfric - has a wife and two kids of his own! Loves them a whole bunch.

Drasna - :)

Siebold - Has not yet realized any of his feelings lmao.

Wikstrom - He has a wife. No kids.

Malva - Messy. Loved and resented Diantha in their relationship. Wished Lysandre would stop putting Diantha on a pedestal, while alSo wishing she was on that pedestal instead. Didn't know how to feel when Diantha ended up with Cynthia.

Diantha - Tried dating a man once. A publicity stunt if anything. After that she realized she was very much a lesbian and was talking more to Miss Cynthia.

Aliana - Unsure.

Bryony - Dating celosia

Celosia - Dating Bryony

Mable - Unsure

Xerosic - lmao

Lysandre - Was with Sycamore. Was.

Kukui - Married to Burnet and ends up having a kid together. Guzma joins in a poly.

Burnet - see above.

Hau - gets with Gladion in the future

Lillie - ends up with Ames

Gladion - gets with Hau in the future

Illima - Big ass crush on Kiawe. Thinks he's being the perfect flirt. He is not.

Hala - has a wife, one son ( who left ) and of course, little Hau as his grandson.

Lana - Unsure *

Mallow - Unsure * ( might make their relationship like the anime tho)

Kiawe - Thinks Illima is kinda weird ( but does have feeling for him)

Olivia - Canonically and chronically single. Girl suffering out here.

Acerola - Unsure ( child)

Sophocles - Unsure ( child )

Molyane - Has a boyfriend of his own, both of them are nerds together.

Nanu - Meowth man. So no one.

Mina - 👍

Hapu - Unsure but she gets flustered very easily.

Wicke - Aroace, happily looking after her friends children.

Faba - No rizz at all. Bitchless.

Guzma - Ends up in a polyam relationship with Kukui and Burnet. Genuinely doesn't know how he got to that point, but he's….happier.

Plumeria - Had the hots for Ames' mom but that didn't go anywhere. Single.

Kahili - Unsure

Magnolia - Still is with her husband. Sonia is her only grandchild.

Sonia - Dating Nessa

Hop - Um. Not sure. I like Hop x Bede but also not sure of I would want it in canon. Hop is ace too, so he's not really focused on those kinds of relationships for the most part. He does get flustered easily lol.

Marnie - It takes her 5 years to get with Naomi. But they get there!

Bede- Similar to Hop. Though I'm honestly just having fun writing his platonic relationships with everyone. He did mistake his platonic feelings/friendship with Naomi for a crush but he quickly realized it wasn't the case.

Milo - Ends up with Gordie

Kabu - Uncertain only bc I like so many hcs. Like I like him and Peony together but also just him vibing by himself is fun. Also him and Melony is cute. So yeah, not sure.

Bea - Eh. She's more focused on school and martial arts to care.

Allister - Has experienced a crush before but is waaaay to shy to do anything about it. Grateful to have the crush as a friend though.

Opal - Much like Agatha, has a history of dead husbands.

Melony - Divorced and has 5 kids ( Gordud, a daughter, and then triplet sons)

Gordie - Ends up with Milo

Piers - I might change this later only bc I'm really thinking about it, but I do see him in a poly relationship with Leon and Raihan. Again might change.

Raihan - Look above. But unlike piers, him and Leon are always end game.

Leon - Again. Look above.

Rose - Had a relationship with Cassandra before realizing she was pregnant was Carol. Was pretty much married to his work after that.

Oleana - similar case to Courtney, though maybe after a lot of therapy she gets with a nice lady.

Mustard and Honey are a couple, with Hyde.

Peony - Similar case to Kabu. Not sure. He has Peonia and recently Carol so he's honestly living his best life.

Klara - Way too toxic to be in a lasting relationship atm. She probably gets better after IoA but uh. Yeah. Not a great dating life.

Avery - Probably had never dated anyone ever…..yeah I can see him and Klara getting together at some point. It is, surprisingly, pretty healthy.

Sada and Turo are, miraculously, together in this au. They're also both dead.

Clavell- Unsure, waiting for the indigo disk to come. To really make my judgement. Was planning on giving him a husband.

Nemona - Unsure. Power of friendship real tho.

Penny - Unsure. above.

Arven - Unsure, again. Look above lol.

Note: I have shipped Arven and Ramona and Nemona and Ramona before but I'm ultimately unsure if I want either to be canon.

Giacomo - Unsure ( please understand I am in shipper hell here)

Mela- Slow to any romance, due to past experiences.

Atticus - Unsure

Ortega - is only 13, and while he knows who he is, he takes much more enjoyment being around his friends.

Eri- Is with Carmen. Duh.

Okay gonna cut the single format, let's get right to the case.

Dendra/Miriam.

Larry is Divorced…..and also has his eyes on Hassel and Brassius who are already a couple. Has not made a move and plans to never ( he fails at this btw). Giacomo is his son ( until I change my mind).

Ryme has a partner but they broke it off. She's happily single now.

Tyme is the opposite with a husband of her own.

Iono doesn't date cause that would mess with her viewers.

Katy and Saguaro seem really cute,I'm considering it.

Jacq - Single dad ( Ramona). Is unaware of a theater teacher's feelings towards him.

Geeta and Rika definitely has a Thing but neither of them really addresses it. They're in their own world.

Poppy - Just wants Larry to say he likes Hassel and Brassius already. Also thinks boys have cooties.

Grusha - Was too depressed to consider dating anyone but is coming around to the idea.

Raifort scares people away lol.

Kofu - Unsure

Tulip - Just doesn't have the time to date

( aggressively points to Luca and Kieran) Kindergarten Divorce.

Carmine - Unsure. Wouldn't be surprised if she scares some people away.

[jennyandvastraflint]

Osgood/Kate for the ship ask game?🧡 Explain it to me like i'm five years old

Ask and I shall provide! The ship is Kate and Osgood from Doctor Who!! 🥰

1. What made you ship it?

I kinda always shipped it, possibly to do with the blonde/brunette thing you have in loads of ships. (SwanQueen, J/7, Thasmin come to mind) And for some reason little queer me just assumed they were together.

I actively started shipping it when listening to the audios. I think particularly Retrieval in the fourth boxset, and the Cyber Reality ones. Let's just say Kate being the only person to evoke really emotional reactions in Osgood and Kate saying "I can fight Cybermen, Daleks. But fighting Osgood!" did something to me. (this only gets more as the audios progress, in one later on Osgood saves Kate's life and tells her they're not going to let her die)

Also, on a slightly different note: Kate and Osgood are Janeway and Seven in a different font, there are sooo many parallels. (at some point part of a collective/hive mind, hallucinations of Kate/Janeway, them constantly saving each other, etc.)

2. What are your favourite things about the ship?

How much they trust each other but still are their own people, but also how complex their relationship can be. With Kate being professionally Osgood's superior.

They are both incredibly smart but can lose sight of things, so they have each other to stay rooted in their task.

Osgood's impeccable sense of fashion (and Kate's Christmas sweaters, one of which is mentioned in "The Wintertime Paradox" and reads "Oh Chemis-tree" XD)

You can toss evil alternate universe Osgoods at Kate, but she'll be able to tell HER Osgood apart in a heartbeat. That reads to me as knowing each other very well.

Oh, did I MENTION Kate immediately calling Osgood after she was nearly blown up. That really stirred my brain! (Still a shame we didn't get Osgood in PotD, but I'm headcanoning Kate got Osgood to safety far away. Cybermen and the Master don't end well for Osgood like. EVER.)

In short, there's many little and many big things I adore about the two of them. (also for instance how Kate reminds Osgood of the inhaler XD V cute and I know darn sure I'd need such reminders)

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Well, I personally headcanon both of them as asexual. Yes I know Kate has two children, but asexuality is a spectrum, and I like projecting.

Additionally, Kate is sapphic (obviously) and I'm tending more towards lesbian Kate? Her marriage with her ex-husband was, in my understanding, very much she didn't want to marry him and filed a divorce after having kids. It is reading as CompHet to me, but I am open to different interpretations. It's never been stated anywhere.

Also: enby they/she Osgood who is arospec and autistic, and has OCD (that one is canon). Is a huge part of that projecting? Possibly, but Osgood reads as very much autistic. I can repost a blog post that goes into that a bit if I find it. The aromantic hc is based on Osgood saying something along the lines of "My life's pretty full as it is with work and friends. I've never really felt like I was missing something, but if a relationship were to happen, and I had the time and the connection was right, I wouldn't say No." and as that's pretty much how I feel about it...

Oh! Kate is also autistic! XD I love me an autism/autism couple. I wrote her as stimming to regulate emotions a few times, she has a very steong sense of justice, and I could go on. But it's also just a vibe for me. (almost all the characters I write I write or headcanon as autistic XD)

Essentially, my shipping them doesn't really include sexual stuff, and little super romantic stuff, but is instead (in my writing) an exploration of a somewhat queerplatonic relationship and a relationship essentially transgressing what is understood as "relationship" in a broad view. Intimacy and closeness doesn't equal romantic attraction, and it's something I want to show since popular media fails to provide ANY aro rep (and very, VERY little ace rep that is often very stereotypical or token-esque). So, I hope to bring diversity into that all while exploring their relationship in a multi-facetted view.

I hope this explanation was satisfactory!! Thank you so much for your ask :3

[gretchenzellerbarnes]

9 people you would like to get to know better

Tagged by @renlyslittlerose, apologies for the delay, this has been sitting in my drafts for ages now 😅

1. 3 ships:

Obikin - I. Am. Obsessed. With these two idiots. My current hyperfixation with Obikin started in the run up to the Kenobi series when I went back and rewatched the prequels and TCW (weirdly Obikin as a ship didn't register for my poor oblivious bisexual arse when the prequels came out). They're equals, more intimate than lovers, two halves of a whole warrior, they spend a lot of their time together bickering like an old married couple. Ahsoka refers to them as her parents in TCW season 7. Where there is one, the other is not far behind. I'm sure it was @/gffa who wrote a meta about how (whether you view their relationship as platonic or romantic) Obi-Wan Kenobi IS the love of Anakin Skywalker's life. To me they are the Star Wars ride or die. They ended tragically in life (in canon). They lived happily ever after as force ghosts. The love was there... 😭. I am Unwell about them.

Ineffable Husbands/Wives/Spouses - An Angel and a Demon. Hereditary Enemies. Unapologetically queer. The Autistic + ADHD ship. The angel is a fussy hedonist who will cut a bitch if they damage his books. The demon is genderfluid and serves cunt on a regular basis (especially at the crucifixion). 6000 glorious, frustrating years of pining. Bad. At. Their. Jobs. Just fuckin' kiss already (heheh, yeah that didn't work out so well 😅).

Thoschei - The Doctor and The Master. They were never married. They're divorced. They're childhood sweethearts. They've killed each other at least twice. They change genders like most people change socks. They should've fucked (you can tell I have a thing for enemies to lovers, right? 🤣). They've both destroyed their own civilisation at least once. Whenever The Master shows up you never know if they're gonna kill each other or fuck nasty (or both). For once brief shining moment (Twelve x Missy, World Enough And Time) they could've been more. Again, they have this tragic thread of "it shouldn't have ended like this, but it did". Unlikely to have a happy ending ever (unless through the pages of fanfic).

Special shout out to: Rebelcaptain (my other SW ride or die), Mulder x Scully (see below), Ventrobi (what? I'm a multishipper, and these two are constantly flirting every time they fight. They totally fucked after Revenge), Blackbonnet, and Catradora.

2. first ever ship:

Mulder and Scully - I shipped these two before I even knew what shipping culture and fandom was. I remember 10 y/o me watching the first episode of The X Files (and being shit scared to fall asleep for months because I was scared aliens were gonna abduct me lol 👽) and just being hooked on the series. And as the series progressed I became hooked on these two and their partnership. My OG ride or die ship, they are the reason that most of my other ships have that ride or die, banter and bicker like an old married couple, best friends, equals, you cannot find one without the other, no one understands me like this person understands me vibe.

3. last song:

Cat Pierce - You Belong To Me

4. last movie:

Barbie.

Finally watched it last night. Currently have I'm Just Ken stuck in my head 💖

5. currently reading:

Dune by Frank Herbert.

I am. Obsessed. After watching the 2021 film - it's probably my most watched comfort film atm.

6. currently watching:

Loki, GBBO, Strictly Come Dancing, Ahsoka (rewatch), SW Prequels. After question 2 I'm wondering if it's time for an X Files rewatch.

7. currently consuming:

Mint and lime iced green tea (tastes better than it sounds) and rice pudding.

8. currently craving: Chicken noodle soup from my local Chinese takeaway.

I tag: anyone who wants to have at it because I am crap at the tagging lol 😆💖

[covecornerarchive]

Candle Cove Pride Headcannons!

Heyo, just realized pride month is ending soon and I've already posted shit for it so here's a bunch of head cannons!:

Jojo and Banana King? Those two are pirate married, all the way. Funky gay pirate grandpas! Jojo being the only actual chill one on board and BK being the most batshit obnoxious old dude? They were made for each other. Husbands if I've ever seen 'em (also I want less "these two boring skinny twinks have homoerotic tension," and more "these two unconventional and weird old men are an old married couple who are so in love it hurts."

*holding Poppy* BISEXUAL DAD! BISEXUAL DAD! BISEXUAL DAD! BISEXUAL DA-

Me @ Percy, Calvary, Thade, Heartfelt, Susan, and Janice: I'm bestowing upon you the greatest honor I can give. Being asexual (aro/ace in Heartfelt's case).

Lillian is trans, and Dr. Mort (who in my version is absolutely nothing like the one on the wiki because I hate wiki Mort with a passion) helped with her transition. She and Thade are a t4t couple.

I have absolutely no clue what's going on between Horace and Skin-taker but it is the fruitiest thing and for all intents and purposes I've decided to refer to them as "the terrible husbands."

Credit to @thedivisionbell1994 for this idea from a while back but Janice being trans? Janice coming to Candle Cove and since it's a world based on her inner self and imagination everyone just immediately used she/her and Janice to refer to her without her having said anything, and even when she didn't entirely know what being trans meant she thought "hey yeah that feels right!" and that was that? *Chefs kiss* baby girl!

Percy, Thade, and Lillian were in the most chaotic QPR polycule. They all got married one day cuz they were bored and for pirate tax benefits. Triple threat the lot of them.

Dr. Mort (who again is VERY different in my version) and Boar were also two gay pirate grandpas who were very married and very deeply in love. Mort would climb Boar like a cat. Dog and Cat couple if you will.

*points to the Rubber Fishes crew* FRUIT SALAD!!!!!!!!

Both Sunny and Bloody Kimothy use he/she pronouns.

I think this could be considered canon since on their wiki they're referred to with they/them and their gender is never confirmed, but Nicola is 100% a nonbinary icon and they and Henric are married for pirate tax benefits as well.

*points to Milo and Henric* FUCKING DIVORCED THE BOTH OF YOU!

Skin-taker and Sariah are undead wlw mlm solidarity. No I won't explain myself.

Milo isn't homophobic but he is obnoxious. He'll find a way to both make fun of you and support you at the same time, and his sexuality is whatever would be funny in the moment.

Sunny, Sariah, and Susan are in love and very happy. Scary pirate lady, pretty but bad ass princess, and siren capable of unspeakable crimes lesbian polycule I don't take criticism.

Janice came to Percy one day and went, "Hey Percy I don't think I like guys is that ok," and Percy went, "Yeah of course! I mean everyone on this ship is already queer so-"

Abyssians don't really think about gender the same way humans do so when Thade came to Candle Cove and learned what pronouns were he wanted all of them. Collects them like pokemon cards the lad.

Don't get me wrong, I'm 100% on the ftm Percy boat, but hear me out: genderfluid Percy.

Milo: Are ye wearing a dress??? Percy: Aye. Why? Jealous ye don't get one? Milo, 100% jealous: ....no-

Janice: Are you gay? The Earl: I'm homophobic! Poppy: He's avoiding the question.

(June 29, 2022)

[briannapuppet]

Controversial take

I know what I'm about to write is a controversial take, and some people will find it threatening and get triggered. Sorry. Content warning: statutory rape, harm reduction approach

So, I saw this goth couple getting into a pickup truck near my house, and I was like, "Damn, that girl could be underage." But, of course, unless one of them seems to be in distress, it's none of my fucking business.

But this did get me thinking about some old friends of mine who had a tough situation in like 2015 that either led to or was just a horrible part of their divorce.

So, my (former) friend, a queer cis male in his 30s is feeling super depressed and hooks up with a queer male who is 14.

His ex-wife put a lot of social pressure on me to go no-contact with him, immediately and permanently, and that's what I did.

However, now I think that wasn't fair or right, in a bunch of ways:

it seemed like it was just a depressed guy hooking up with whoever he could get, and not asking questions, rather than a paraphilia

it seems like how we police these cases is highly dependent on the status, sexuality, gender and gender identity of the participants

it feels like sex offender registration should exist, but there should be different levels of observation and disclosure depending on the severity and frequency of offense

Overall, it just feels like I see certain things happening in plain sight, all over, especially with teenage girls and cis men. I had a college friend who animatedly told me about her affair with a teacher when she was 16 - she had 0 remorse and I understand the other party wasn't punished. I've known cis women who were sexually active when they were 12, which horrifies me, but there it is.

I feel like there should be a scale of guiltiness based on age, with a cliff below which the punishment is far more severe, but I don't know if that should be 14 or 13.

I feel like mostly this guy was depressed, horny and poor, but someone who deserved a chance to pay his debt to society and move on. And I do so wish our justice system was rehabilitative instead of punitive.

I want that because I think that the age of consent should be at least 16, and I have no problem with 18. And I think when these things happen, we shouldn't pick one party and say "you're the bad guy," and then try to ruin that person, which makes them more likely to transgress similarly, we should actually focus on reducing the likelihood of a repeat offense. I will add that that is exactly why we, as a society, never balk at heterosexual cis woman statutory rapists. Hell, maybe socialized mental health services and psychiatric meds are cheaper and better, given all the stupid mistakes people make all the time because they're in a bad spot and have no one to talk to.

[twelvedaysinaugust]

"...perhaps the Harry as everything to everyone PR is finally failing." //

There is no PR strategy that is permanently effective, but this one of "pleasing everyone" works for H because of the specific, unique makeup of his fandom. The downfall of this PR strategy is not linear; it happens in crests and trough with an overall failing line. In recent times, it seems that every time they hard-push this strategy, it causes a deep sink of discourse and alienation and then an alleviation is attempted by soothing fans with some sort of catering (cute interviews, tour moments, merchandise, etc.). They seem to be balancing on this equilibrium, this line of neutrality. However, the worse these sinks get, as they have in the past couple of years, the harder it'll become to do this comfort tactic and return back to equilibrium. I think that's what we're witnessing now.

The general public see an artist who, for the entirety of his career, has been pushed as a name on people's divorce documents, a womanizer, One Direction's teenage heart-throb turned sex symbol of the female gaze, the guy who constantly has one Hollywood standard model or another on his arm, so on and so forth. This image of his is STILL being pushed in the media, his team, his own fans sometimes, and that is the primary issue at hand. If they stopped pushing this image, then people would be a lot more warm and welcoming towards his apparent signaling.

You cannot expect the general public to put on fandom colored glasses. You cannot expect the general public to look between the lines of something that is being fed to them as black and white. If they did, they wouldn't be the general public anymore.

But there's something even worse that I'm witnessing as a side-effect to this strategy. Truthfully speaking, an artist's absolute necessity is their core fanbase, not the general public. Their utmost dedicated fans who witness problematic narratives in a different light and are willing to apply context to any one given situation. Even when the general public has wholly rejected an artist, their core fanbase keeps them at the top until time heals wounds (for an example, Justin Bieber).

And that is what concerns me even more than the general public no longer being satisfied with Harry's PR strategy --- because his core fanbase is made significantly out of larries. The concept of "larries" has become so much more than just people who ship him with his old bandmate, they've become the fandom-wide rejectors of his public narratives, the fundamental pillar that his team relies on when it comes to his career promo, and the first and only part of his fanbase that believe him to be queer and closeted as an entirety.

This particular PR strategy has been extremely alienating for larries in the past couple of years. Not because they no longer align themselves with their beliefs, but because they cannot continue to bear everyone's fingers constantly pointing in their direction, including but certainly not limited to the artists they're fans of. If there are truly no significant changes to the way he and his team choose to navigate this situation, then it'll only lead to the thinning of his core fanbase and hostility amongst the rest of his fanbase. It's an undeniable fact that no other corner of his fanbase will be that defensive over his sexuality/truth, or willing to see between the lines or so vehement about their beliefs in him being something other than what he is presented as.

To put it simply, he's fucked.

This will blow over, yes, but it's another dip in an overall failing line, no matter the crests. It's another bandage onto a growing wound. And for these reasons, I don't think his career downfall will look like traditional examples, nor do I believe there will be visible differences to the untrained eye if such an event reaches a peak. It's like a "cold war" situation, where there is no visible damage but it's all psychological.

Being stuck in that equilibrium is clearly suffocating him, and the inability to make up for all the "sinks" will only affect him more emotionally. At the same time, his team clearly doesn't know another strategy that'll be this effective.

In short, it's a "can't live with you, can't live without you" situation that only leads to catastrophe.

Are we sure that Larries are that integral to his core fanbase? Although it’s true that they are the most ardent defenders of Harry’s queer identity. And during the band, they were the only group of people who viewed Harry as queer.

[roanawayspoons]

I did an internship type thing with a nonprofit to learn more about advocating for myself and my communities; and a large part about that was learning how to use our stories as part of our advocacy.

We had a couple trainings on using poetry in advocacy as well, part of which had us write our own poem about us, telling part of our story.

I really liked mine, so I'm sharing it here and have a link as well to a post on my patreon where I have included a version of me reading it!

~-~-~-~

Who Am I by Roan Forrest

Some of my earliest memories are of a children's hospital

They aren’t scary memories

They’re pleasant and light

But

Doesn't it say more

That I have so many memories there

Than that they're pleasant

-

Who am I

A common enough question

I really ought to have an answer by now

-

I was only a few months old when my parents first took me to the children's hospital

Only a few months old when they first learned some of my cells grew too fast

So fast

They might make a tumor before I reached elementary school

-

Who am I?

I really ought to know

Shouldn't I?

-

When I was about 3 years old my parents divorced

When I was about 3 years old I started caring for my infant brother

Some of my earliest memories are taking care of him

Most of my memories are taking care of someone

-

/Who/ am I

Is it enough to know who I'm not?

Not my father

Not my mother

Not sure?

-

The custody battle over my brother and I took 7 years to resolve

I have more memories in family court than at home

More memories caring for my brother than playing

More memories at the hospital than healthy

I've never been healthy

-

Who /am/ I

What makes up who you are?

Are you your family?

Your friends?

Your actions?

Your trauma?

-

Aging out of being high risk of a tumor saw my health forgotten

No longer, did I visit the hospital

No longer, did people notice how my body betrayed me

How knees gave out and muscles screamed

If I could get good grades

And care for my brother

How could anything be wrong?

-

Who am /I/

Queer?

Fat?

Polyamorous?

Disabled?

Traumatized?

First Generation American?

Are these who I am?

-

My grades being good let my parents miss so much

Let them create wild expectations

Missed deteriorating mental health

Physical health

Changing Identity

My parents missed seeing who I was becoming

Never adjusted their expectations

Or how they treat me

-

Who am I

Sometimes I wonder who my parents see me as

Whoever it is hasn't been me in a very long time

I think I've been excavating myself from who they think I am

For a long

Long, time

I don't know who I am

But I think

I think I'm figuring out who I'm not

[unforth]

A few days back I read this post in which you explained how you found out your daughter's gender and I just wanted to express to you how amazing it is that you listened to her.

I keep hearing people talking about how it's wrong to let children "decide what gender they want to be" (.........) because they are "too young to really understand what they're saying" (again, .........) so it's nice to see that someone actually LISTENS. Kids need adults, especially their parents, to listen to them when they are telling them who they are.

So thank you for listening and for stressing how important this is!

❤❤❤

For us as a couple it was a no brainer. We're both queer (we’re two married cis women) and we have a lot of genderqueer friends. All the evidence and research on children this young is that they understand gender as early as 2 and can know they’re not cis at that point (the little was about 26 months when she told us, and is 2 3/4 now) and that the best thing we can do as parents is to affirm her. We did have concerns about how some of our family might react and for the most part things went okay but we did have one big conflict with my MIL which has resulted in us seeing her much less, and she's not allowed to be alone with the kids. Her reaction to, "so the little told us she’s a girl...so she’s a girl," was, "at that age my brother thought he was a school bus." (To emulate you... ................) She also blamed me for dressing 'him' that way - "who picks out the little's clothes?” (she knew I did the clothes shopping) “Dressing that way doesn't make the little a girl!" which was the stupidest fucking thing to say...like...the little herself picked out those clothes when I took her thrift storing with me. I just bought what she liked. I literally have a picture of her hoarding two dresses and a skirt that she’d picked out, hugging them to her face while she sat in the cart, from a few months before she told us. She would pitch fits when she’d find something she’d like and I’d be like...little you’re a size 2t and that’s a size 7, we’re not buying it cause it won’t fit you...and she dressed in tutus and dresses for almost six months before she learned how to talk enough to share the gender thing...and we still called her by her birth gender because obviously wearing dresses doesn't make someone a girl. Hell we have lots of pictures of our older kid in a dress when he was that little (I bought like a year+ worth of clothes at thrift shops before I knew the gender of the kid I was pregnant with, since we didn’t find out ‘til he was born), and he never said he was a girl and is at the age of almost 5 very confident he's a boy (so much so that he doesn't want to do "things that girls do" except like his rubrics for deciding what are girl things are hilarious he went on this whole spiel about how Glitter Force is a girl show...while he was watching the Equestria HS spin off of MLP...and asking for sparkles on top of his blue nail polish please...anyway tangent sorry.)

What "made" the little a girl was that *she told us she's a girl* like I can't fathom why people think this is complicated? It’s not like she magically transformed one day, she was always a girl, she just couldn’t tell us. No one knows her better than she knows herself. I'm positive she knew all along, her language skills just hadn't developed enough to communicate. After she was able to tell us, and we started using the right pronouns, her behavior improved a lot. The most memorable thing - a few days after she told us she and I were sitting in the master bedroom while my wife was taking her meds. She did something cute, and I said, “awww, my sweet girl!” and she just lit up, “yes, girl!” So I asked her “does it make you happy when I call you a girl?” and she said, “yes, was sad.” (remember, she’s barely over two when this happened, so, like, not so much on sentences) and so I clarified, “you were sad before?” and she nodded and said, “yes...now happy!” 

It was mindblowing. She was so clear about how she felt and what she wanted. I can’t believe anyone, even my MIL, could have heard that conversation and not recognized that this child knew who she was. (I wrote the conversation down, for obvious reasons...we did show it to my MIL, and, well...sigh). My wife told me that she also started telling a lot of stories at bedtime about her stuffed toys feeling broken, but starting to feel better now... (my wife does the little’s bedtime, I do the big’s.)

Other than pronouns and gender id she's the same kid she's always been, her favorite colors are pink and purple, she loves dresses and skirts and rainbows (and Glitter Force, lol) and also loves trains and stuff...because she's a *kid* ffs. And if at some point she does come think this is the wrong thing for her, no harm done, we'll listen. By listening now, we've proven that. She knows she can trust us, and we'll support her and encourage her. I really don't see a losing side to this.

I saw a theory that what freaks people out is they think we're gonna give, like, hormones to a two year old? Which of course not. But if she still feels this way in a decade or so of course medical intervention will start to be a topic...but by then she'll have felt this way for years so what's the problem? It’d be cruel to force her, a girl, to go through male puberty, and anyone thinks that an eleven or twelve year old doesn’t understand enough to make that decision has never met an eleven or twelve year old, like, ever.

I can only assume that the adults like you mention can't remember what it felt like to be a kid. By the time I was the age my big is my parents had gotten divorced and I thought I was a very big, mature girl, and if anyone had tried to dismiss me the way I see many adults dismiss kids I would have been livid. I guess I was lucky, the adults in my life mostly took me seriously (and now those same adults - my parents - have been great toward the little, especially my mom, which proves its not an age or race thing since my dad is a 79 year old straight white god fearing literally runs his church's services once a month dude, and my step mom and mom are both 76 and also white, and they've all been super accepting.) To me it seems stupidly obvious, like...my kids may not know some stuff but they know themselves and I learn more just by listening to them than I'd ever figure out on my own.

My job as their mom is to help them figure out who they are, not force them to be who I think they should be. And I hate that more parents aren't like that, sigh, but I think more are now than ever before, and things will slowly but surely get better. I have to believe that...

(Sorry this got long, by necessity I've thought about this a lot...we're very lucky, family, friends and community the only person who got really weird on us was my MIL, and even she really is trying now...)

[dork-empress]

I need to scream and the only people i usually scream to are involved, busy, or asleep.

tw: homophobia? acephobia? kinda?

So I'm driving my roommate home and we're talking about a mutual friend (my best friend) who I'm fairly certain is asexual/aromantic but I don't want to label other people for them but uh. yeah I'm at a 90% that he's Asexual.

But I mentioned I of course don't want to push him, because he's already been fighting internalized homophobia in general, and figuring out you're any form of queer is hard in the best of circumstances.

(important note, that while I love this roommate, she is that straight girl who says she 'wishes she was a lesbian' because it would be 'easier')

I told her about how for me, who has a very supportive family, it was still hard, and that's part of why I'm so prideful about being ace, is because I was so scared and shamed when I first figured it out. There are some things that the world just isn't set up for me. If I never have a partner, maybe I'll be able to fulfill myself, but it's going to be harder living with only one income, it will be hard if I want kids or a house, it will be hard if I grow old and don't have someone beside me.

She says, well that's the same thing for straight people if they don't find someone.

Me: :/

Me: Yes, as a general experience, the way society is built to make it only easier for (white) heterosexual couple with a nuclear family hurts everyone, including, say, people who stay in unhappy marriages because it would be a logistical nightmare to divorce so they just stay unhappy. But I'm talking about from a particularly queer perspective, it's difficult. There are some experiences I will never have.

Her: But I think it's beautiful that you know, you have the opportunity to find yourself outside of your relationship with other people.

Me: I--maybe, but that doesn't mean it's not HARD. Like, I want a wedding, and maybe I could have a party with the cake and the dress for myself, but like...people who do that get written up in the news, it's a THING, not to mention what my extended family would say.

Her: If they're not happy for you they don't deserve to be in your life.

Me: That's a very nice notion, but it's more complicated and nuanced than that.

We went back and forth on this for a while.

Me, sharply: We have to stop talking about this. This is very personal for me, and I can't keep a cool head.

Her: Don't yell at me!

Me: I'm not yelling, but I am getting upset (remembering my 'i' statements from my therapist) I feel, and I know this isn't your intention, but I feel like you're being dismissive of my experiences.

Her: Well you clearly just don't want to hear my opinion.

and I abruptly change the conversation.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

There are at least as many bi and pansexual people in the world as lesbians and gay men combined, at least according to surveys of western countries. But bisexuality is poorly understood - leaving bi and pansexual people feeling that their sexuality is invisible or invalid.

In Episode 1 of the new season of BANG!, people who are "attracted to more than one gender" share their experiences, and Dr Nikki Hayfield highlights some particularly damaging, often "biphobic", stereotypes.

To the outside world, Rose and Sam* look like any other straight couple. They're in their mid 20s, affectionate and obviously really into each other. The thing is, they're not straight.

Sam identifies as pansexual and Rose is bisexual. People define each of these sexualities in different ways, but for Sam pansexuality means that he's attracted to people irrespective of gender (as in, it's not important) and for Rose bisexuality means she's attracted to people "across the spectrum of genders".

For those shouting "but bi means two!", some people still use bisexuality to mean they're into just men and women, but others have broadened the definition as a response to the increase in trans identities and in resisting binary understandings of gender.

Both Sam and Rose came out in their early 20s, both had same-sex experiences and attractions in their teens and, initially, both put them down to teenaged "confusion" or "acting out".

As Sam tells me in this episode of BANG!, "Heterosexuality was expected of me and that's why it took quite a while to realise I wasn't that. It's why my parents still don't know [I'm pan]… I wouldn't be disowned or anything, but it would confirm that I'm the sort of black sheep, and that I'm less of a man in some way, and that doesn't feel good."

Rose grew up with an openly lesbian aunt; her family environment was welcoming of queerness. But she thought bisexuality meant 50 per cent attracted to men and 50 per cent attracted to women, and that the label didn't fit her because she's attracted to men more of the time.

That's until she turned 21 and stumbled across a Tumblr post.

"It said, 'you can be 70 per cent attracted to men, 30 per cent attracted to women' and I was like 'Oh! I think I could be not-straight then!'"

Soon after, Rose came out to her mum.

"When I told her… she was like 'Oh, I think I'm bi too!', I was like, 'What?! Why didn't you tell me! That would've really helped my coming out journey if you'd told me'," she laughs.

Rose's mum explained she had tried to come out as bi to some lesbian friends in the 1980s, but they told her she needed to "pick a side". This kind of discrimination from within queer circles makes bisexuals particularly vulnerable to social isolation, with many reporting that they feel "not straight enough" for straight circles and "not gay enough" for LGBTQ+ communities.

Rose and Sam are part of an open and supportive friend group, but even so - people close to them make incorrect assumptions about their sexualities because they are in a male/female relationship.

"We have had a friend who we know and love so much come up to us really drunk… and be like, 'You're just so straight! Look at you two!'... and I was like, 'No we're not!' It was sort of a funny situation but also… I don't think it's a funny joke to be like 'you're straight, haha!' Because you just don't know," she says.

Dr Nikki Hayfield is a senior lecturer at UWE Bristol, whose research explores bisexualities, pansexualities, asexualities, and LGBTQ+ sexualities generally. She's also bisexual herself.

"People do tend to take our relationships status as a signifier of our identity, and so it's much more difficult for bisexual people to be out about their sexuality, because their partner… doesn't indicate their sexuality in the way that it does for heterosexual people or for lesbians and gay men," she says.

"Bisexual people find that even if they've been explicitly out about their bisexuality, to say their friends and their family and their work colleagues, when they're in a relationship all of a sudden it's as if they didn't make that declaration of their bisexuality, and they find that people around them assume that they're 'gay now' or they're "straight now'."

Author and columnist Emily Writes was happily married to her husband when she came to terms with her attractions towards women. While her husband was incredibly supportive, coming out to some of her friends and family was trickier.

"A lot of people saw it as 'Are you getting a divorce then? Which I thought was really odd because that never crossed out minds… We have a really happy marriage and I don't see how that changes anything," says Emily.

As someone with a public profile, Emily copped the same social media flack as bisexual celebrities like Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus: That they are claiming queer sexualities as a marketing stunt. Another common biphobic trope.

"When I see somebody being like 'Oh now she's gay coz it's cool.' I just have this thing in my head where I'm like 'I've been gay! I've been gay! The whole time I was gay!' She says. "It's this thing around bisexuality or queerness, that people want you to perform it for them and if you don't then are you allowed to say that you're queer or bi?"

Here's why this stuff is so important:

- The Youth '12 survey, of 8,500 New Zealand secondary school students found young people who experience "both and same sex attraction" (gay, lesbian, bi and pansexual students were lumped together in this survey) are more likely to be bullied.

The majority of them had deliberately self-harmed. 18.3% had attempted suicide in the past year.

- Also - the proportion of them experiencing significant depressive symptoms has increased from 27 per cent in 2001 to 41.3 per cent in 2012. Opposite-sex attracted students had no significant change.

- Several overseas studies also suggest that bisexual people are at a higher risk for poor mental health outcomes than both straight and lesbian and gay people.

What can we do to help?

Sai, Charlie and Emma are students at Wellington High School who identify as pan and bisexual.

"Just normalise it. As much as you can," says Emma. "A lot of TV shows are having a lot of casual background queer characters and not making their queerness who they are… Let's hope it continues."

"I do think the term "it's just a phase' is so strange," Charlie says. "Because, if it is a phase why can't that person, like, live in that phase and be comfortable with that?"

"People are a lot more quick to shut it down the younger you are because they're like 'oh you don't know any better'," says Emma.

"It's just people with ideas about what things should be, having a go at people who don't fit their expectations, just like it happens with just your regular old homophobes," says Sai.

"I guess I just wish I had bi parents, then I'd know it was a thing. Or just bi people that are open and in my life,"

Rose, the bi woman in a relationship with pansexual Sam, has some good advice, too.

"Until I meet this new person coming into my friend's life, I'm not gonna presume what gender they're going to be, that's just putting my friend in a box... I kinda just assume everyone's bi unless they tell me otherwise."

* Rose and Sam are not their real names