#they’ve literally surrounded our house lmao

[the-lonelybarricade]

Mr. LB and I just moved into our new house and haven’t had wifi for five days because apparently there was something wrong with the pole. FIVE broadband vans have just showed up—everyone please form a prayer circle so I can actually participate in the final half of Feysand week 😭🙏🏻

[crimsonandcloverwrites]

ok bhah ch11 my longest yeah boi ever

i’m literally... so excited I can’t even read it ok ok

oh no not the wedding invitations not this

i swear to god if we have to go through this wedding. knifeemoji

listen I have a fear that we’re gonna get the break up and the car accident same as canon dear god don’t put us through that either

no fears *literally everything that could make bhah more painful* several fears dot meme

god not the jamie invite. she cant even do it. another sign from god you are choosing to ignore

straight to Jamie’s house oh

lmao the red door I just worked out that’s a hill house reference from when I was wondering in like ch3(?) lol the inner workings of my dumbass brain never stop

“can we talk?” it’s happening what is happening

Dani was so tired of lying oh my god

my heart is literally beating so fast

alone in Jamie’s room bro wtf wtf

Jamie is just so soft and understanding always always aaaahhhhh

fuck she just wants out of this wedding so bad but she can’t even tell him

AAAHHH SHE KISSED HER OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING

fuck fgkjhdfkjgh this is not good oh no. Dani finally finally fucking doing something for herself and Jamie so aware that this cannot be happening like this right now

and yet both of them just falling into it anyway oh my goddddd

jesus christ jesus christ “Dani had half crawled into Jamie’s lap, kissing her with a fierce and fervent heat” I am on deaths door

god they’ve both wanted this for so so so so long I can’t believeeeeee

(i am so thrilled that y’all just went there right away btw)

“Please, just - I just want to feel how I’m supposed to.” oucchhhh Dani

god her just... knowing. after one kiss w Jamie that she can finally do it and talk to him and end it and it’s so terrifying but goddd yes

“You think I can ever say no to you?” oof

“Ask,” Jamie breathed. “Ask me.” fucking fuck the power of this line oh my god Jamie is so fucking ready to jump of a bridge for her it’s- the dedication the love the longing the everything I am going insane is it too early to start drinking at 1pm

you’re not you can’t NOT THE CANON DINER SCENE

fuck this is like watching a car crash i can’t look away it’s so fucking visceral and nerve-wracking and painful

but god I’m so proud of her for finally saying what she wants

oh thank fuck y’all didn’t take him out with a passing delivery truck

“You must have known. You know me.” oh god this sentiment always kills me

“She couldn’t say it — the words ‘I’m gay’ forever out of reach — so instead she said, “I can’t.”” my whole body is on fire oh my god this is.... too fucking real

jesus christ the near miss w the truck are u trying to kill me (i actually kind of love that Dani will have to deal w her feelings w him face to face instead of having to bury it all in grief like in canon I am so excited to see how y’all handle that)

a fucking HOUR in the car dfkjghdfkjh the torture

oh honey. literally both of them suffering so much ouch

her favourite saucepan pls this is all so awful and sad but that make me laugh so much the poor confused little duck I am glad she has her comforts

god poor Dani

"Is she here to cook something?"  fgkjdhfkgjhfkjgdf

“No. I think you’re brave.” oh

“We’ll figure it out." listen listen I am undoubtedly losing my mind god this is soft

“She had spent so long being asked and not asking. Never asking. She never dared. To ask was to be known, to be made visible, words forging reality as surely as a smith’s hammer. And yet Jamie waited, letting Dani gather the courage herself.

"Can I -?" Dani said, "- stay?"” please fuck I am just so !!!!!!!! about Dani getting to know what she wants and having a fucking voice. just !!!!!!!!

“Jamie inviting her in” fucking just both of them finally getting some of that quiet courage w each other I am yelling so much

“Dani knew that it wasn't just her feeling this, that it had never just been her.” YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT BABEY

““But you do?” Dani asked. “Want to?”

Jamie’s answering laugh was brief and incredulous. “You have no idea.”” I AM: HOOTIN. AND: HOLLERIN

“I am here” hello? hello I am not coping I am on another plane of existence. DANI FINALLY FEELING SO PRESENT AND WHOLE IN THIS MOMENT

god they’re just holding each other i’m tearing up. Jamie is her home

Dani finally sleeping through the night ow my fucking heart

Mikey’s so chill about all of this sdkdhfdkj I love him

Jamie going out n buying her favourite jam... god the tenderness. love is stored in the strawberry jam and the hairdryer

hmmmmm her attraction to Jamie is so closely tied to a lot of really hard feelings this is gonna take a bit to work through huh???

aw Jamie going to Carson I am so happy she has her little band of gays to help her rn

I love that she can just kiss her now when she gets the urge like maybe chill out a lil just landing all these surprise kisses but like good for u girl. good for both of u

the warmth of the house hmmmmm I love that she’s found this esp because she is perpetually cold and Jamie is always warm but keeps it like that for the kid (and probably for Dani too) aaahhhh

cgjkdfhkjgh Dani is so thirsty poor Jamie trying to keep them in check. these moments are so fucking loaded holy shit

Dani Jamie and Mikey are the cuuutest lil family aw

god the tentativeness between them trying to figure this all out and the casual intimacy and just. all of it is so much and so beautiful to watch unfold

i love this little bubble inside Jamie’s house and Jamie kind of drawing the curtains around them both physically and metaphorically while she lets Dani figure things out and lets it settle between them

it’s all about the hands

oh my god Hannah instantly asking if she needs a place to stay she really is the best

soft little mornings with her Jamie like... once Dani finally defeats the ball of guilt in her chest there is so much goodness to look forward to and I am v glad she has that right now even as she is still struggling a bit. my girl needs all the sweetness in her life

also the idea of Jamie getting to wake up to sleeping Dani in her bed every morning after a lifetime of trying to repress her feelings... god

heh she’s already figuring out all the ways to push Jamie’s buttons god these two are going to have some fun w each other

this idea of learning the creaking floorboards of a new home is so... warm

Jamie leaving all the curtains drawn for her oh my heart keeping her safe keeping her safe

Nan would be so proud of ms Dani u know it’s true

awww Mikey comin home to keep her company

Mikey Dani time is always so sweet I love them

my god Dani n Jamie are so intense w each other and just so full of fucking desire... when those floodgates finally open will they even survive

oof Dani is dealing with soooo much ugh. Jamie always there with a gentle way to bring her back down to earth tho my hearrrtttt

“You’re allowed to be happy.” she is SHE IS ty Jamie Taylor voice of reason

a pinky promise to deal with everything together awwww

“why are you so good to me” “you know why” oh my goddddddd. that’s so soft that’s so gentle that’s so much love

Dani finding little bits in herself in media god i love this

Dani Mikey hours best hours

god Carson... sweet boy. And Judy sending over a whole bunch of food oof just. these quiet little reminders of their love for her. Dani’s about to go through a whole bunch more emotions huh?

fkjdfkjgfh Mikey going into protector mode when Carson is there pls i love hm

ohmy “our room” aaaaaaahhhhh

god Dani expecting him to be upset with her I am so fucking emotional. I relate far too much to Dani in canon and in this story and it’s just. painful as hell to see someone go through the things you know hurt the most holy shit

please Carson is so sweet and understanding and telling her he’s proud of her is making me cry so much I can barely see

this whole like.. uncomfortable but relief-filled kind of coming out between her and Carson is so so beautifully done I can’t stop fucking crying

“God, you two were agony to watch.”  fglkdfgkjdfhkjgh Carson a voice of the people

“You deserve to be happy.” - Carson and also me and also everyone reading this

god he is so wonderful!!!!!! this reminder that she’s not alone and everything will be ok!!!!!!! Carson I love you so much

the box being described as “the beating heart of their childhood“ god the imagery

Jamie so sweetly making room for her and welcoming her into a home I am emotional again the tears have really been unlocked now I’m gonna be a mess the whole rest of this chapter (i say as if I haven’t been already)

the really sweet way Jamie gets her to open up and trust her with the things that have been on her mind

and Dani doing the same for her god this gentle honest space between them makes my heart feel so full I am just so happy that they’ve got each other

“I want you to stay.” please (also now I’m thinking about AE putting Stay on her Jamie playlist jesus christ I am being tortured)

they get... to wake up.... in bed together. i’m so close to crying again when will this stop

i kind of love there hasn’t really been any like... just no more kissing u know but we still get this insane intimacy between them in a way that’s not them shying away from the way they want each other but so carefuly and sweetly and honestly coming towards each other

awww them always waking up all tangled is so cuuute (also Dani feeling so safe and comfy with her that her subconscious is like lets latch on she is good she is home)

lmao Dani having to mediate between these two dweebs and their playfights is so good

Jamie having her lil family surrounding her aww

(also i just noticed the rating change oh god)

sfkjfhdg Jamie looking at her hips all dark eyes and wanting we’ve all been there girl

“you can look” BOLD DANI MY BELOVED

god these two........ the grabbing her silver chain god @ google how to breathe properly??????

“Then show me.” oh my god

fkgjhdfkj so much electricity they shorted out the power

“this is just as nice” when they’re just hugging please they are so soft

i love that there’s just like... gentle soft banter between them in these quiet moments so much

“Dani, give him more homework.”  ghrfjkhjgkjgh

god the heated cheek kiss

this ‘game of chicken’ god they’re just.... really in it huh this is so fun

hmmm Dani going through the suitcases and sort of being able to bring some of herself/her past into this new place is so nice

heh this lil family and their snowfights are so cute

:( she can’t bring herself to eat Judy’s food

Jamie bringing her flowers oh soft

ugh they’re just so softly melting into being together it’s so sweeeeeeeet

“You’re lovely.” and the way Jamie just sinks into her with Dani’s fingers in her hair pleeease I am dying this is so warm

aaaahhhh they’re dancing soft soft soft

“gray eyes fluttered closed, as though the weight of Dani’s touch was too much to bear” god i am..... aaaahhhh

“a gentle calm settling within her. It had seemed that for all her life she had waited for the quiet of this” y’all this is so beautiful and lovely and wonderful and all the good things

ah that kiss. kinda feels like their first real kiss where they just get to be god I am so happy “a profound sense of finally” oh oh oh that’s such a pretty concept

god I love how much they just want each other that second kiss and them just all over each other is perfect and having to try and reel that in and being able to because they know it’s not going anywhere please it’s so so good

god Dani vs Desert Hearts I love this callback and the entirely different circumstances of her watching it again

dsjfhdkjfh oh no Dani losing her mind at Jamie touching her knee god these two have got the biggest storm coming

dfkdjhkgdjh god them like.... trying to take things slow but still letting things happen while having to be aware of Mikey is so funny but I kinda love it and how indicative it all is of them being so grown up and able to approach their relationship in such a mature way. as much as I wish they’d had their teenage love story I do like that it’s unfolding this way now.

“it struck Dani then that she couldn’t remember ever laughing while doing this.” aww

Mikey’s “oh gross” hahahaha poor kid

god this is so funny

“ferret kid” jamie why are u like this sfkjhdfkjf

oh lordt it seems we have reached the unabashedly horny phase good show ol’ chaps

god they’re still so soft tho this is so fun to read

i looove how flustered they both make each other w just their presence. it’s just so !!!!!!

lmao Dani knowing exactly what to do to drive Jamie insane is fdkgfdkjgh perfect amazing show stopping more neck kisses more teasing more barely restrained desire i love it

“the reckless rush of being in each other’s arms” AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

lmaooooo Mikey Jamie is going to lock you outside if u keep doing this

the fact it can just fade back to comfortable companionship too is like. ugh i love them together

“Yeah. You can touch me whenever you want.” oh jesus

“No more interruptions, no more waiting, no more holding back.” it’s happening god it’s happening everyone stay calm (also the slow build to this point has been so fucking perfect y’all are writerly geniuses)

lmao Dani is like please can we just get naked why do u want to watch a movie I am literally right here

oh she is not waiting anymore THAT’S MY GIRL GO GET EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER WANTED I LOVE YOU

“What do you want?” god the tension

aaaaahhhhh just. them being so out of their minds with want but still all nervous and wanting to check in but still just. wanting this so much god this is *chef’s kiss*

lmao Dani already having the hair pulling thing figured out is so good. poor Jamie lol is she even going to survive this

god the fact they’re both still fully clothed n still getting this fucked up just making out n grinding on each other I love this for them

mum just came in to tell me dinner is ready I AM ALREADY EATIN GOOD

lmao fuck I am just... so thrilled for Dani finally getting to experience this get ur whole world rocked baby u deserve this

thumb in her mouth i-

“my idiot” pls that’s so soft

“You have me.” i know this is like. horny but it’s also so romantic sfgkjhdfkjg

ayoooo Jamie’s tattoo excuse me while I lose my mind a lil bit

my god Dani is so impatient to get her naked I love her for it so much “I just want to feel you”... ma’am

Jamie being all nervous is so cute aw

god having this lil moment where they just call each other beautiful n get all cute about it while they’re fully naked n grinding on each other.... perfection

god I can’t stop thinking about every other mention of Dani having sex w Eddie and it just being like adequate or like her not letting him touch her and now LOOK AT MY BABY GO SHE’S REALLY HAVIN THE TIME OF HER LIFE LITERALLY BEGGING TO BE TOUCHED LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO

I feel like I’m like cheering Jamie on rn sfjkghdfkj u guys need anything? some snacks? a condom?? ur doing great!!

Dani crying and thanking her like this is an acceptance speech love that for her

Jamie kissing all over her face aww

I can’t believe this whole chapter is them just getting to fall in love for real

“I want to taste you” i am blushing goddamn Jamie get it

oh my god the dream. she’s literally living out her dreams

“that same focused intensity that could make kingdoms fall” I love that Jamie is just as into getting Dani off as Dani is getting off lmao GOOD FOR THEM

Dani: desperately tryin to get Jamie off. Jamie: are u sure u want to tho??? miss ma’am let the girl touch u already she deserves it (but i do love that she’s always just like.... never wanting to make Dani do anything she doesn’t wholeheartedly want to)

“You sitting here on top of me like this is doing more for me than you can imagine.”  iconic jamie moment

Jamie literally just like.... ‘you can do whatever you want to figure this out’ is so sweet I love her capacity for just. giving herself over to Dani in every way (not just the horny ones) to let her forge her own path

“It was easy to understand now, the exhilaration of it, why people went crazy for it.” god I love this for her so much everything just falling into place

they’re so soft n comfy together and it’s all just so right and lovely

i love that once they’ve started they basically can’t stop honestly get it girls u deserve all the orgasms

“When did you know?” “Sixteen years.” oof my heart she’s known the whole time aaahhhh. all these lil memories god it really was all out of love I could cry. and Jamie admitting the scarf/scar thing whew she really carried around that moment on her face for the whole world to see (also lol at Dani being so fixated on it this whole time that’s so perfect)

heh they’re so cute with their lil teasing banter exchange

lol goddamn this so so spicy I am just dfklghfjkdjghkjdf (that is to say well fucking done I can’t even speak rn)

Jamie just being like you could literally just look at me and I am turned on I... love this whole situation for her so much

god they’re really just going all in Dani is getting like the.... lesbian sex speed run amen

oh god not Karen on the phone just hang up Dani do it do it

god she is so evil

omg she told her abt Jamie go off Dani I am v v proud of u right now

and she hung up on her godbless babe i LOVE your audacity

heh Jamie so transfixed by Dani’s lil purple sweater and skirt I love her

Dani u are such a tease sfkgjdfkg good 4 u tbh

awwww she got Dani’s desk for her oh my god that’s so lovely

Dani n Jamie being entirely not subtle over dinner w their lingering glances and Carson just laughing at them fkjghdkfjgh i love it. he’s so happy for them even w his teasing aw

aaahhh i just love Jamie giving her this space and this room in the house and Dani feeling so right in it

oooh an almost “I love you” god they’re just fuckin u-haulin in love perfection huh

and now we’re back to horny hours love this for them. gotta bless that desk somehow huh!?

i love the mentions of all this soft stuff about belonging when they’re about to rail each other it really rounds it out emotionally

“Get on your knees.” OH MY GOD THE JAMIE ON HER KNEES REDEMPTION MOMENT IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING

HELL YEAH IT IS this is truly what we all deserve

oh my god literally ripping her clothes off her fuck i love how desperate they are for each other and just how into this they both are always

dfgkjdfh jesus Dani are u ever going to be able to get work done at this desk again after Jamie does.... all of this to u on it

“Good girl.” the single most powerful sentence in the lesbian language

jesus christ this is still so incredibly steamy sdflkhskhg it never ends. and them like.... experiementing a bit w some different um. approaches? lol good 4 them good 4 them (and us)

my god them instantly getting all soft after about making each other happy please they’re so dang cute

ok love that we are also getting Dani on her knees it’s equality.gif

this little “I like you” “I like you too” confession right now is... so fucking soft and like... after everything they’ve gone through they still have the power to kinda knock each other off their feet w lil things like this huh?? sappy lil shits

oh no Judy I am scared

holy shit Dani “Didn't think you'd love me anymore” owwww my heart

god Judy is such a good mama I love her so much. reassuring her she’s still a part of the family my god I am so emo. she loves her so much

aw I love this lil shared bathroom scene after so many awkward moments w Dani and Eddie in their bathroom and so many mentions of her fogged reflection. things are finally clear and it’s wonderful!!

lol Jamie well if u didn’t want Dani to get all horny u shouldn’t have worn suspenders!!!!! it’s simple math!

god Dani has changed so much this chapter which only takes place over a couple of weeks right?!?!? after so much anxiety and being so unsure of herself this is so fucking beautiful to see

stop the car thing oh my godddd. she doesn’t even care about having her own cause she’s so happy w the person she’s sharing with I’m so overwhelmingly happy

“You’re perfect.” please I will cry this chapter was so perfect (also so are the memes I cackled so much)

[versegm]

I'm using the askbox meme as an excuse but mostly I'm just really curious: for the Awakening soulmate AU you wrote, what happened from Grima/Robin's perspective? How do they manage to integrate back into the world? *do* they manage?

(The fic in question)

OKAY SO (I'm gonna call our favorite god Robin for facility's sake, even if technically they're like. A fusing of both Grima and Robin lmao.) From Robin's perspective, the entire time from the moment they sacrificed themself all the way to modern times, they've been... asleep? Kind of? Floating in some empty space, tangled in bonds that prevent them from truly sinking and dying, but also unable to get out on their own. They're vaguely aware of what's happening on the other side of the strings, but it's kind of like dreaming or sleepwalking (hence why they could react to Lucina being unable to sleep like "go to sleep, my child, and take ur meds") mostly they're just stuck greiving in a lonely limbo (hence why Lucina and Morgan both hear rain/thunder; that's them weeping/crying out.) Morgan's prayers were the equivalent of patting someone on the back like "there, there," which is calming even when you're not fully aware of your surroundings.

Tbh integrating back in the world is gonna take a LOOONG time. There's so much that Robin has to catch up on!! Technology! Magic! Basic geography! (for exemple, Plegia & Ylisse don't exist anymore, hence why countries are never named in that fic. They probably fused and broke apart multiple times along the years.) AND that's on top of Robin basically being like "I have been isolated from everyone and everything for centuries so if I touch a cat a bit too soft I WILL cry I have literally not known touch for the entire time.)

So I imagine they start by hosting Robin in the church, yknow, get them slowly used to sensory stuff + normal house appliances, and they work their way from here. Take a walk around the church one day, go a bit farther everyday, ect. Same with people, at first it's just Morgan & Lucina helping Robin out, but as time goes on they slowly introduce more people to them, starting with Chrom.

Getting everyone in the loop takes months and it probably takes years before Robin can successfully speak to strangers without sounding like a huge weirdo. I don't think they ever like... fully integrate society or anything (they probably pull a Tiki and go hole themself in a mountain nearby or something) but on the weekend they can share a warm meal with their family and sometimes they go visit a library or chill at a café and all is well, and honestly, that's all they've ever asked for.

(I don't remember if I ever made you read May The Moon Shine Upon Camlann, but if I did, basically imagine Medrawt's character development lmaoo)

[rothane]

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Gang violence, violence against women and violence in general. Nothing super graphic and it’s honestly mostly just fade to black and implied, but just to be safe. References to arson and housefires in part one.

NOTES: Technically the first half should have been posted a week ago but I did not get that far lmao so now it’s just all in one. I didn’t proof read so good luck ig.

TLDR; The man Georgia shot last week approached Ro for help in the hospital parking lot and she turned him down; a week later the Rogues beat her ass.

FEBRUARY 5, 2021 / MIDNIGHT

With fires breaking out all over town, the medical center had been all hands on deck. Rowan was sure she broke every traffic bylaw in the book on her way there, hastily dropping all four children off with her parent’s and barely managing to give them a rundown on what was happening. Her heart felt like it was in her throat when she left, unsure what kind of fresh hell she was going to be walking into when she got there and trying to plan for the absolute worst case scenarios. House fires are always tricky. She has a hard time putting herself in her patients shoes, finding herself walking a balanced line of emotional and professional while she keeps it together for all of their sake, even if she knows she’ll cry when she gets back in her car at the end of the night. It’s getting exhausting --- every day seems like it just brings a new battle for them, and honesty she isn’t sure how much longer the town is going to be able to stay standing.

Her shift at the hospital goes by exactly as she thinks it will. She holds herself together amongst all of the tragedy, delivering care to her patience with professionalism and empathy for their situations. It’s difficult to leave them at the end of the night, knowing that they’ve just had their entire lives ripped out from under them. Harper doesn’t have a home to go back to tomorrow when she’s released, the last memory she had of her fiance having literally gone up in flames right in front of her. Her niece will be staying at the hospital for at least a week, if not longer. Her little body has taken far more damage than it should have, leaving her lungs compromised and her breathing in need of assistance. Rowan knows, sadly, that this is only the start of a long journey of recovery for the little girl not to mention her brothers and her mother, who are all sure to have some sort of PTSD from the ordeal. Part of her doesn’t want to leave at all, knowing that her best friend and her sister could both use the support of her there but honestly, she’s running on fumes and she just can’t stay there any longer. So she makes her rounds and says her goodbyes, promising to be back in the morning and takes her leave.

When she finally makes it down to the parking lot, she’s so tired she isn’t paying attention to her surroundings. It’s something that she can practically hear her husband scolding her about, but in the moment all she can think about is going home, taking a shower and sinking into bed for the next six hours. She’s pulled from those longing thoughts, however, at the feeling of a hand on her shoulder. She nearly drops her keys, letting out a yelp as she spins around to see who it is. She doesn’t recognize either of them. A man and a woman in cuts she can only assume say Rogues on the back of them, the man clearly in need of medical attention as what looks to be a bullet wound on one of his arms seeps blood onto the concrete around them.

“He needs help.”

Rowan barely hears the words over the sound of her heart beating in her chest and she’s already mentally calculating how long it will take her to turn around and get into her car. She’s pretty sure she can outrun them, given the state the man is in but she has no idea if they’re armed or not -- though she has a feeling it’s leaning more toward the former.

“He needs to go inside. The doctor on call will take care of him.”

The response that comes is what she had been expecting, but she backs up enough that her back is against the SUV when the woman begins speaking again. “We’re not here to have a paper trail followin’ us. We know you work for the club off the books. You’re gonna do the same for us.”

Before Rowan has a chance to properly respond, the man makes a noise of pain. His partner is distracted, giving Rowan a window of opportunity to make her move and within a split second, she’s slamming the door behind her as she gets into her car. A second later, the door handle is being violently yanked on, and she glances out the window to see the man slumped against a car a few rows away and the woman banging on the glass.

“If you leave now you’re gonna regret it.”

But it falls on deaf ears, shaking hands moving to put the car into drive, tires screeching as she flies out of the parking lot and watches her figure get smaller in the rearview. For a moment, she wonders if the whole thing had been some kind of exhaustion induced hallucination, sure that something like that couldn’t have actually just happened. But the blood streaked handprint on her window is a difficult reminder that, unfortunately, it had been very, very real. A string of curses leave her lips before taking a deep breath, fighting off the urge to vomit and while she wants to head straight home, Rowan knows better. While she had only seen two people, who really knows just how many members of the Rogues had been there and she picks up her phone to call Ryder while taking random turns on the off chance that someone is tailing her.  Ten minutes later she finally gets home, Ryder having met her in the driveway and his presence is more than enough to keep her from completely losing her shit.

FEBRUARY 14, 2021 / 7 PM.

Rowan is late --- something she doesn’t do very well with. A follow up appointment with a patient from a few weeks ago having gone over time and left her scrambling to change out of her scrubs and into her dress in her office bathroom. When she finally comes out, still struggling to get her shoes on, she can tell the prospect who has been stuck with babysitting duty is anxious. It’s clear in the way he checks his watch for the third time since he sat down in the patient’s vacated seat, and the way he can’t stop bouncing his leg.

“You got a hot date waitin’ on you, Todd?” She teases him gently, and his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

His voice is higher than usual when he answers back, sheepish and uncharacteristically shy at being called out. “My girlfriend. She made dinner tonight, and she’s not a real patient lady.”

“Sounds familiar,” she snorts in response, finishing the buckle on her shoe and slipping her jacket up and over her shoulders. Todd is still just a prospect and obviously has a ways to go before he actually finds himself patched in and able to give his girlfriend the Old Lady title but if she’s as impatient and stubborn as he has lead her to believe over the weeks, Rowan has a feeling she’ll be able to hold her own more than well enough.  “I’ll make you a deal, once we get down to the parking lot we can part ways. I’m just goin’ over to the restaurant anyways, there’s no need to follow me.” It’s clear that he’s about to protest, surely going over the laundry list of threats her husband has made over the last month and Rowan is quick to interrupt. “It’ll be our secret. If you make it home on time maybe you can still get lucky tonight.”

And that has him embarrassed enough that the poor kid doesn’t bother arguing anymore. Instead, they take the elevator down to the main floor where Rowan signs out and they take their leave. His motorcycle is parked next to her car, and they exchange goodbyes and Rowan gets in one more teasing jab about him having a goodnight before the two of them take separate exits. The drive to the restaurant is less than twenty minutes, and Rowan figures if she speeds, she can make it in twelve. But judging by the flashing lights behind her, she has a feeling that hadn’t been her greatest idea. She curses under her breath, pulling over to the side of the road as what she assumes is a police cruiser pulls up behind her. She fumbles to get her license and registration out after rolling the window down and she’s already spewing an excuse when someone approaches the door.

“I know I was speedin’. Sorry, office I---”

But it dies on her lips when the person leans forward and she sees the same woman from a week earlier. “Hey sweetheart. Remember me?”

The words have her blood running cold, but before she can think of an escape plan the familiar feeling of fingers tangling in her hair pulls her back to the moment, her face coming down with a harsh blow to meet the steering wheel. “You should’ve just helped us when you had the chance.” Rowan’s already disoriented, though she begins to fully panic when her door is flung open and she is pulled from the vehicle. After that, everything seems to be muted and dark, she’s barely aware of what is going on around her and she passes out after only a few moments. Two hours later, she wakes up back at the hospital --- this time finding herself in a paper gown and a hospital bed, a heart monitor beeping steadily beside her.

[atopearth]

Chrono Cross Part 3 - The Destroyed Future & Song of Hope

It's kinda crazy that the Masamune is there blocking the way to the Dead Sea. It's saddening that it's some kind of evil sword that makes people go crazy when they go near it or wield it. It seems that only the dragon sword Einlanzer can break the seal of the Masamune. I see, the Einlanzer is given to the most gifted Acacia Dragoon, so Garai had it first, then Dario, and probably Glenn in the future. I always found Radius and Garai's story saddening, mainly because it was really normal. Normal for Radius to have been envious of Garai and wanting to best him, and thus seeking the Masamune, but saddening that it ended up consuming him and amplifying his negative emotions which ended up with him killing Garai. It's an unforgivable act that he can never live with, but nevertheless something he's forced to live with for the rest of his life. I wonder if Dario and Glenn know...

I've always loved the music in Dead Sea, I think it really suits the atmosphere, like that weird quirky and mysterious feeling. Anyway, I love how the treasure chest containing Freefall kinda gives you a literal freefall back to the beginning lmao. Arris Dome?? These ruins are Arris Dome?? It's kinda saddening to know of the fate of the Acacia Dragoons here...to think that they all died here in captivity is rather terrible. I love how there's that Enertron helping you recover your HP etc that says you rejuvenated everything but you're still hungry, it's just like in Chrono Trigger🤣 OMG, that broken bell at the place you see Miguel is Nadia's bell?! The bell the king named after Marle at the end of Chrono Trigger?! Btw, I'm honestly shocked that the kids Serge see running around are actually Crono, Lucca and Marle. And I find it absolutely terrible that it says Nadia's bell will never be heard again. This was not what I wanted after the nice happy ending of Chrono Trigger! If...Serge is the one that will cause this destructive future, it's pretty saddening to hear it from our previous main characters that we're the ones killing it after they tried so hard to save it from Lavos before... The Dead Sea culminates all of the futures that were eliminated, the ones that shouldn't exist... Nothing is really "living" here and the things that are here never age. Just like Miguel who has been here for 14 years... I feel so sorry for Leena though, her father is here alive, but she'll never see him again... I know Wazuki had no choice but to come here to stay away from the storm that night, and try to save the wounded Serge, but his insistence on going further into the Dead Sea ended up having Miguel stuck here for so so long... All the destroyed possibilities that will never happen because of the choices we didn't make all end up here..? Fate is what predetermines it all, controlling us and knowing everything. Is this basically like our "save point", the Record of Fate? The thing that knows everything, dictates whatever you do if you want to "live" and basically controls whatever you do because if you don't want to go on the "wrong path", you need to follow it, and if you don't want to be forgotten, you must record down your journey on it?? I wonder if staying here for so long has made Miguel think that there's no such thing as overturning fate and doing your own thing... He's been stuck here for so long, who knows if it's fate for him to be here forever or if it's his lack of choice and willingness causing him to be stuck here...Or he knew that it was his fate to die here so that Serge can "fix" everything. I honestly hate how Serge has to kill Miguel to restore the dimensional distortion..it's just so saddening that not only was Miguel stuck here all this time by himself, but he had practically assimilated himself into the Dead Sea so much that killing him was practically inevitable imo. When Miguel started talking about how Crono and them saved the world from Lavos back then, travelling through the different ages, it felt so weird to think about it because Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross feel like completely different worlds haha. I'm still baffled at how saddening of an existence the Dead Sea is though, it's literally everything "useless" brought into one place, everything that's unneeded in this world... The Sky Dragon saving them from the Dead Sea always felt random though, like was he watching over them all this time or something?

Kinda crazy to finally go back to Another World only to find that Lynx with Serge's body is creating such rampage across the land that people such as those in Arni Village are hiding in a shelter. Omgg, I completely forgot that the Dragon head skull in Fossil Valley is actually Draggy's mother!! I wonder if Skelly talked to her during the time he was there lol. Termina has been taken over by the Porre military in this world now too... Sad that our previous friends such as Guile can't recognise Serge in Lynx's body but that's understandable. I'm glad Karsh, Zoah and Marcy saved General Viper (at Fort Dragonia) though! He's not really a bad person at all. He just wanted the power to protect his people against Porre and stuff. It's kinda saddening yet sweet that if you have Home World Zappa in your party, he shows such relief at Karsh being alive and tells him to go see his mother to show her that he's well. It's...saddening that even though Karsh is his kid, this Karsh isn't really his kid at the same time... Omgg! So all along, it was that hopscotch kid outside the house (top left Termina) called Kein who was giving the little girl in the house the Drakehorn soup ingredients to heal her cough so that she can get better and then play with him! It was obvious that he actually wanted a friend even though he kept saying he didn't need friends, but I didn't realise how sweet he was to do that for their family, it's so wholesome and cute. It was honestly pretty hurtful to hear Glenn seem to know that Lynx is Serge but is unable to accept or face us because he can't take Lynx's face. I was pretty sad. On the other hand, damn those kids at the smithy have such complicated love relationships and everything! John the guy training outside has his girlfriend Annie supporting him all the time, but the girl Marina inside who has been trying to stop the two brothers from fighting all this time since the beginning of the game actually likes John! The funny thing is that the two brothers both like Marina and got rejected at the same time after she told them she actually likes John lol, kinda cute how one of them tells you to leave them alone and the other one is adamant on winning Marina's heart eventually. It's kinda cute how it basically sorta reflects how Dario and Glenn kinda were as kids. They both loved each other as brothers with Glenn respecting his big brother and Dario caring for Glenn, but I guess the difference is that even though they both liked Riddel, the one Riddel liked was Dario, so Glenn never had a chance. He was always second to Dario in terms of swordsmanship or the woman he loved I guess, it's pretty saddening.

Lmao when we go save Riddel and the dragoon that's been sleeping since the beginning of the game is still sleeping there LOL. Even the Porre soldiers are like whatever because they can't wake him up hahahah. That mutated cockroach boss though, so disgusting yet cute LOL. Hahaha Fargo was trapped here?! I can't believe they've been using and manipulating Orcha for so long with those whatever seeds that make his dark side come out. They even made him steal the Dragon's Tear from Guldove! That's so horrible... I'm so happy that Norris is such a good guy though. He didn't like how Riddel was being treated just to get info about her father, and he even helps her escape! It's just saddening that his superiors suck. It's hilarious how the Porre soldiers don't shoot you in battle, they literally just whack you with their guns lmao. Grobyc is as cool as usual, I mean, he's a killing machine but he's pretty cool to have his own thoughts and decide to join Serge because they're strong and don't just listen to the Porre military. Running away from that other machine wasn't scary since it was so weak, but dang are the Porre soldiers and everything persistent. Loved it when the guy that watches over the dragons let them all out to stampede the soldiers hahahha. Everyone is so helpful, it's sweet. Aww it was so cute when Marcy so sincerely apologised to Serge and he patted her head in response!! That was so sweet! So cute Harle picked a fight with Marcy to cheer her up though. Serge honestly doesn't say anything much, so sometimes it's difficult to gauge what he's thinking, but when he heard Kid outside wreaking havoc at Hermit's Hideaway trying to find Lynx, you could tell how much he cared about her that he instantly ran out to see her. Gotta love how Polly and Fargo save the day (since we were surrounded by Dark Serge's forces). It's really sweet yet heart wrenching to see Serge reminiscing about his memories with Kid and how now that he's Lynx, she's intent on killing him, it's just terrible to see the person that you cherish and love want to kill you because of your appearance... I feel sorry for Harle though, she likes Serge for the person that he is, but he'll never like her, and she can only watch over him for the limited time she has to spend with him... She's really cool for encouraging him all the time though. It's so sad that she has to leave no matter what you say to her though. I always get Serge to choose the world over her, but sometimes I wonder if it only hurts her more to hear that from Serge since she knows it's a lie... It's actually really cute how well assimilated the Dragoons are on the S.S. Invincible now btw hahaha, I mean, Karsh acting as Riddel's personal bodyguard near the pirate fanboy of hers is so funny hahahah.

I love visiting the sleeping Dragoon in Viper Manor, it's so cute how he now says come back soon everyone in his sleep LOL. He could probably sleep through the Acacia Dragoons coming to get their manor back lol. Ohh, Norris and them are leaving to go back to the mainland! Anyway, time for more side quests (which are the highlight of this game!) and getting the relics from the dragons to get through to the Sea of Eden! Aww young Glenn, Karsh and Dario are so cute! Glenn being a glutton who loves Viper Churros is so adorable lol! I had an inkling of it, but it's kinda crazy, even Karsh liked Riddel ever since he was a kid! I guess it's understandable, she's a really sweet person, and she seems fun too. It's just too bad there's only one of her, and her and Dario seem great together considering how much they both care for each other and go around together on little adventures. I feel so stupid right now... Solt and Peppor are called the Shaker Brothers because they're salt and pepper shakers!!! LOL, it somehow never clicked to me!! Hahaha. On the other hand, it's kinda saddening that Karsh's story with Dario is really similar to Radius and Garai. It's just that as Radius wanted power that Garai had, Karsh wanted Riddel's love that Dario had. I hope we get to see the full story soon! I guess it'll be shown when we see Dario? It's good that Karsh's story didn't end in tragedy like Radius' did. On the other hand, I'm glad that Solt and Peppor could feel and understand that Karsh isn't a bad person and wouldn't kill Dario like that. 

I'm so silly! Of course the best way to convince Fargo was to get Another World Fargo to talk some sense into him! It's kinda saddening but interesting to see how different Fargo is if he were stuck in the past or if he was able to move on. At least though, regardless of which Fargo it is, he still loves Zelbess just as much. Needless to say, but Magical Dreamers really describes Nikki and them well. I love how they showed the story of Fargo and Zelbess through their musical play, where Zelbess saved Fargo and taught him the song of Marbule. It was really sweet to see Nikki and Miki show the boundless and selfless love they had for each other and the world around them, because the reason Zelbess left her mermaid friends etc was because even though it was peaceful there, she didn't want to selfishly live in peace there whilst the world around them was at war. She and Fargo dreamed of a world where humans like Fargo and demi-humans like her could get along and love each other for who they are. I think it would have been so beautiful if they could see it together, but since that's not possible anymore, I hope Nikki and Marcy as their children will be able to create that world alongside Fargo, and everyone can find their happiness. It's really interesting how these Lagoonates are like the bad dream of the Black Dragon, and it is only through defeating them all that Serge can wake up the Black Dragon in Another World. Btw, I love love, super love the song! It's probably the most memorable part of Chrono Cross for me because it's what I look forward to the most every time I replay Chrono Cross! It's just so beautiful, hopeful and heartwarming to hear every single time. I love that we get it as the background song as we deal with the Lagoonates! I legit took my time with them because I just wanted to listen to the song lmao. It's so cool how the worlds are connected like that though~ I always found it so sweet that Miki really does love Nikki, it's so cute, I always hope that it'll work out for her. LMAO at the reaction of the people in Marbule when you defeat the Black Dragon, they're all like "don't kill me!" and they actually run away from you hahahaha. LOL at the Porre soldier staring at the treasure chest in a cell, and then when you take it, he's like where did it go?! Hahaha. Btw I know this is a stupid thing to care about, but I absolutely love the detail of having wet footsteps in the Viper Manor sewers! Seeing the water from every step you take is so cool! (Link for the song/play!)

I love the Earth Dragon Isle, it's so fun to go through the sand boil and blast the rockroaches down into the holes hahaha! It sounds so inhumane to do that though lol! I always thought the dragons were really nice to acknowledge Serge's will in wanting to change fate and defeat FATE, until I realised that they weren't really nice, but I can't remember what they wanted... I always found the Fire Dragon the cutest and the coolest looking! Omgg the Green Dragon is so annoying! Can't believe I had to kill so many monsters for it to come out, I always try my best to dodge them LOL. Okay, Sky Dragon looks the coolest! Definitely the big boss look hahahha. Lynx nearly died hahahah. Luckily I trapped UltraNova hehe~ Anyway, I've always loved Orlha's introduction, it's so cool how she single-handedly fended off the Porre soldiers from Guldove. It's kinda crazy how she gave Serge her precious sapphire brooch (family heirloom split in half with her twin sister) so that when he gets his body back, he can prove to her that that he really was Serge and is trustworthy enough for her to journey with him. I've always liked her for some reason even though I barely use her lol, maybe it's the twin tails hahahaha. Omggg, I wanted to feel sad over Dario and everything (since you're fighting him controlled by the Masamune right after reuniting with him), but wow, I remember he was a hard boss (that doesn't give a star!), but dang, he hits so hard! If I didn't steal those plates from the dragons to absorb the different elemental damages, Riddel probably would have died like ten times over. Even Miki died LOL. How does he do like 400 damage?! Crazy. Even Lynx was taking 200 damage and he has moonglasses! I was looking at the damage Riddel absorbed (with the Black plate equipped) and lmao, it was like 600 damage, literally double her life hahahah. The only time she died was when he attacked her and his three hits legit dealt like 500-600 damage alone lol. Anyway, I completely forgot that it was actually Dario who picked up the Masamune and was controlled by it, forcing Karsh to "kill" him as he fell off the cliff and washed off here. It must have really hurt when Dario told Karsh to kill him. It's kinda saddening to think about Dario and Riddel though. In Home World, Riddel is dead because she followed Viper and them to the Dead Sea where they were all consumed by the terminated time line, and in Another World, Dario is most likely dead. It's kinda crazy that they can still be together even though they're from different worlds though, it's such a beautiful love. On the other hand, I feel sorry for the maid that took care of the Dario with amnesia for 4 years, I feel like she liked him.. I think it's really cool how Dario is determined to rebuild the Viper Manor (Home World) now that everyone is dead/gone even if he's by himself. He's really a good guy. Btw, it's kinda interesting that Masamune is an evil sword here though, since in Chrono Trigger they seemed more like little kids who wanted some fun in their life? I guess they seem to be like that here too, it's just that somehow it got corrupted towards more evil stuff until Doreen (another soul in the sword?) comes to straighten Masa and Mune up? Anyway, I think it's so cool how Karsh and everyone else can rebuild the manor alongside Dario even if they're from a different world. Like Riddel said, despite the fact they're from different worlds, the fact remains that Dario is still Dario and she is still herself. Even if the ones in the Home World are dead, I'm glad Dario can still see the them from Another World.

I've always played Chrono Cross by relying on elements more than physical damage, but wow, when I fought the Criosphinx to get the sunglasses by just using Lynx, Fargo and Zoah to attack, spam imbecile, diminish and weaken, and spam heal whenever I needed to, it was actually pretty interesting. Very different to how I usually play haha! It was kinda boring though lol because I'm literally just healing and smacking the guy. But I guess it was worth it. Took a few tries though, because I was too lazy to buy some imbecile elements, but wow, lowering magic was veryyyy useful for this fight, weaken was good too, but imbecile was so much more important. We will soon get our original body back!! With the help of Steena and the Dragon Tear to navigate through Fort Dragonia in the Home World, it will be soon! But of course, Dark Serge interferes~ Anyway, he was pretty easy, the only hard thing was stealing the rainbow shell off him because I kept getting the trashy tiara instead zzz. Had to run away a couple of times but it was worth it! How...funny that in Chrono Trigger, we always deemed Lavos as the evil entity sucking up the energy of the planet and caused the destruction in 1999AD so we had to save the world from it, yet here in Fort Dragonia, when Serge is trying to get his body back, and it tells us the origin of life etc, after the "original people" came into contact with Lavos and became humans, we were in essence a progeny of Lavos, who like our progenitor began to devour the planet for our own means... Anyway, it's been so long, it feels weird to have Serge back lol. Ohh nice, we immediately get our previous team mates back! Now to get Orlha yay! Not that I'll use her though lol! The twin einlanzers are so cool!! Glenn can be like Garai now!! Still kinda sad that you don't get Dario in your party since I would love to have him and Riddel, especially since you can get so many people in this game!! Oh well, guess we can get Turnip LOL, can't believe I "grew" one of my party members at Hermit's Hideaway hahahaha. Anyway, Dario’s side quest and the one with Fargo/Nikki are probably my favourite side quests in this game and will always be. Fargo’s one presents a really beautiful story of dreams that people are still hoping to achieve now, and Dario’s presents nice youthful and loyal bonds of love and friendships. I just love seeing them and I probably love it more than the actual story itself haha. Can’t forget about Miguel though! He breaks my heart every time I get to his part because not only do i feel for the man himself, it also makes my heart break for the futures that never came about. Like, sure, any future is better than the destruction one, but in the one with destruction, there were likely people and children that never got to be together or born, but I guess that’s how it will always be when you make choices in your life.

[purplesurveys]

707

Do you think you're clever? I can be but I wouldn’t say it’s a dominant personality trait. Did you wear socks today? No, I haven’t worn socks since the last day I went to school :/ Can you remember how you celebrated your 10th birthday? I don’t remember how the whole day went but I do have a photo of me on that day. We were in our old house then and I was at the dining area smiling with my cake, surrounded by my mom and sister.

Know any magic tricks? Nah I can’t perform any of them. Do you sleep well most nights? These days I certainly do. They’ve suspended online classes, and acads is really the main thing taking up my time (and head) most days until recently. Without that I’m just sleeping, eating, and having random bursts of productivity everyday.

Are your nails painted? No. Is there somebody you know that you really don't trust? Yeah I have a couple of orgmates that are a little sketchy. I also dunno if I can trust my mom in the bigger scheme of things - we’re just not close like that. Is there music in your head right now? No need to have it playing in my head, I already have a lo-fi livestream playing on YouTube at the moment. When's the last time you baked a cake? Grade 6 when we baked a rainbow cake in home economics. What time was it half an hour ago? 7:26 PM. Did you ever play cowboys and indians when you were growing up? I have no idea what that game is. Probs an American thing? Can anyone confirm? When did it last rain? My dad said it drizzled earlier this afternoon, but I wouldn’t know because I was taking a nap. The last time it rained and I caught it was two nights ago. Would you like to become a dancer? I would love to be able to dance gracefully and call myself a dancer, but I wouldn’t want it to be my Number One Agenda, as in joining contests or have it be my whole career and stuff. It’ll be nice to simply have it as a hobby. What colour is the bathroom of your house painted? The top half of the wall is white, the bottom half consists of light brown tiles. Which country is to the north of your home country? Taiwan. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: My girlfriend. Haaaaah you thought. What is the most gory film you've seen? Evil Dead, but I’ve only seen the 2013 reboot. Is there anybody that you know that you just feel really sorry for? Yeah I guess, like my uncle for stubbornly never getting his life back on track. I’ve been done waiting for him to get better. Do you like the Austin Powers films? I’ve never seen any one of them, even the one Beyoncé is in.

Where is the worst place you have ever travelled to? All the places I’ve been to have been wonderful and it wouldn’t feel right to tag one of them as the ‘worst’ because all the trips have been paid for by my parents lmao. But the one trip that didn’t exactly turn out the way we would’ve wanted it to was Caramoan in Camarines Sur. It was raining almost the entire time, so the scenario was either 1) the rain messed with the cable signal and we only had one channel every time we were in the cabin or 2) we had to make do with being rained on whenever we wanted to go out to the beach. It was also in the middle of nowhere, so we didn’t have internet. Ever fallen down a hole? Nope. That’s one of the scenarios I’m particularly afraid of. Do you like to read poetry? No I hate having to. I’ve never understood poems. What's your preferred frozen snack? Other than ice cream? Idk, frozen fries maybe? Those hit differently. Is rap music overrated? I’d say some are, but rap generally has a rich underground culture as well so I wouldn’t say all of it is overrated. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? That doesn’t matter to me. I care more about how warm/cold it is, because I can’t start working anywhere I find too hot or else I’ll feel too sluggish. Do you know any vegans? Only from the internet. Filipinos are big meat eaters so it’s hard to find resources for if you want to become vegan. There are vegan food stalls but they’re VERY few and far between, and they’re typically situated in hipper, more cosmopolitan parts of the city since veganism isn’t a known concept here. Earphones or headphones? Earphones. Do you like bananas? Eugh no. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Interstellar confuses me to this day. But I loved it a lot and I enjoyed the premise, and that’s what matters to me. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I don’t think I’ve ever worn it before. You can take any illegal drug without any bad consequences, which one? That’s a really dark question but uh... I’d go with meth because idk, Breaking Bad? I certainly wouldn’t want to try heroin though. What is next to your bed? I have a drawer with my clothes and other knickknacks on one side, and a chest with a bunch of memorabilia and old books I’ve had since I was a kid on the other side. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. What would you change about yourself appearence-wise? I’d straighten my front teeth and make my teeth in general smaller. I’d also have some hair grow on my left eyebrow because I permanently damaged the hair growth there by plucking too much as an anxiety habit. How long do you normally spend in the shower? Depends on how relaxed I need to feel. If I’m showering for school it takes me 4-5 minutes. If it’s been hot all day like in the summer I’d take up to 15. When's the last time somebody called you "baby"? Sometime today, I don’t exactly remember when. Have you ever had to keep something important from your family? Like... my 4-year same-sex relationship? Yup. Don't you think things feel much better after a good cry? The things that made me cry don’t get better or automatically get fixed, but it’s always nice to give myself a break and to let everything out. Do you think the UK should keep its monarchy? I honestly don’t know enough about their system to confidently form an opinion about it. My only contribution to this conversation is that the royal family does interest me and I know more trivia about them than the average person should hahahahaha. True or false: you'd do Mila Kunis. I’d do her character in Friends with Benefits but like I don’t really feel that way for IRL Mila, mostly cos I’d rather do wholesome stuff with her hahaha. Which colour would you rather have your hair: pink, grey or green? Green > grey > pink. Don't you just hate the sound of people eating? NOOOOOOO are you kidding. Mukbang ASMRs are my faveeeeeee. What's your favourite music video? Meh I don’t really watch music videos. Is it your aim to be perfect? About the things I do, yeah. I’m not obsessed about having *everything* be perfect, even stuff I have no control over.. Ever climbed to the top of a mountain? No. That’s on my bucket list though. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? No. That’s never been a reason I’ve had feelings for someone. Someone's paying for a fancy dinner, where do you eat and who do you take? BLACKBIRD. I’ve wanted to try it for a while now but Makati is a bitch to get to + their food would literally take away two weeks’ worth of my allowance. I’d take Gab with me for sure. Can you honestly say you are truly happy with your life? Not right now, but I’m not hopeless about it either. Can you paint well? I can’t paint at all. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: The candid ones are the ones I end up hating the most. If you could keep any animal as a pet, which would you choose? Just all the dogs would be fine, thanks. Something you did in the past that you're embarrassed about: I was bidding Gab’s dad goodbye because he was leaving to meet up with his friends or something. Anyway my shoes chose to be slippery that day and I completely tripped the whole way walking over to him and I even unconsciously grabbed onto his arm to keep myself from falling flat on my face. I AM WINCING JUST TYPING THIS OUT PLS SEND HELP Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? Evil. It’d be easier acting that way. Do you like porridge? It’s alright. I mostly avoid it because it was all I ate for breakfast from when I was 4 up to when I was 10, and I’m so so sick of the taste and texture by now.

Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Idk, probably. Strangest gift you ever received: Don’t think I’ve ever received anything I was genuinely baffled by. But I try not to be like that - all gifts are gifts so I’m always grateful whenever someone gives me one. Do most people annoy you? Nah. But 14 year old Robyn taking surveys would probably say yes just to sound edgy :/ Don't you think you should really be doing something more productive? Idk man we’re in the middle of a global health crisis. I think being productive shouldn’t be a priority for once. Have you ever felt really out of place? Yesssssss this was me when I was trying to apply for AIESEC. The crowd was just too different and I didn’t last long in the application process. What's your favourite shade of blue? Royal and sky blue. Do you have any odd phobias? I used to be afraid of watching advertisements at night, but I think it’s mostly gone now. What's the longest you've gone without sleep? 18-20 hours maybe. I don’t let myself pull all-nighters. When was the last time you just wanted to be left alone? Earlier this noon when I felt disrespected by my dad. Do you believe in karma? Sure. Can you remember a world before iPods? Nope. Google says the first iPod came out in 2001, and I don’t remember being 3 years old or younger. When was the last time it was sunny? This morning. Would you like to be photographed by Terry Richardson? I’ve never heard of him but I checked Google just now and apparently he’s been an asshat to his subjects? So no. Smoke? Yes please I so have been needing one throughout this quarantine. I ran out of puffs for my vape pen which is even worse. Would you rather have a lazy day or a day of being really busy? I’ve had 31+ lazy days now. I wouldn’t mind a busy day. Do you like the way that spoken French sounds? I don’t get to hear it all that much but it was spoken so beautifully in Portrait of a Lady on Fire, so I guess I’m alright with it for the most part. I just don’t like the times it comes from the throat and it sounds a bit like hawking. D: But maybe it’s just a cultural thing - Filipino isn’t throaty at all so when we hear sounds like that we’re just not used to it. What's the best film soundtrack? As stupid as the storylines were, they really made sure the Twilight Saga soundtracks SLAPPED. Bon Iver, St. Vincent, Muse, Death Cab for Cutie, The Black Keys, Florence + The Machine, PARAMORE?????? They weren’t fucking around. Interstellar and Gone with the Wind also had amazing scores. Where did you go on your last date? My informal first date with Gabie was at a museum + this quaint Italian place in Greenbelt that has since closed. My legit first date with her was at a Bonchon LMFAOOOOOOOOOO Do people find you "cute"? Not really... only my girlfriend calls me that. Who does the best remixes? Eh not a fan. What is most of your money spent on? Gas, food, dates.

[mysticscanlations]

That Summer Chapter 139 Summary!

this chapter made me really happy so WE GOING ✈️✈️MANY SCREENSHOTS

Jumi recalls the last time she saw YW, which was on the academy rooftop after they'd both bombed the mock exam. He'd given her a chocolate milk and established a truce, saying they needed to study hard and be successful so that HB's not the only one going to a good college LOL.

YW and Jumi go to a convenience store, buying cup ramen and little snacks. YW feels bad that Jumi's asking for such cheap stuff, but still pays for everything anyways. Cue mini shots of literally every girl within visual distance gawking at YW's beauty. Same.

YW: I was going to buy you something more delicious. -Stay sitting, I'll go pay for this.

YW says that Jumi's gotten a lot prettier, even though she'd always been pretty. Jumi's all like “what who me??” and—after catching another pair of girls staring at YW through the window—notes that YW hasn't changed at all. But internally, Jumi says that after 8 months, it seemed like YW's changed a little. She thinks he looks a lot better, AND GOD BLESS FOR THAT.

AND Y'ALL OUR BOY GOT INTO SEOUL UNIVERSITY'S MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!! YOU HEAR THAT!?!? SEOUL UNIVERSITY'S LITERALLY THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS UNIVERSITY IN SOUTH KOREA CAN I GET AN AMEN!!!!!1!!11

YW says that since he had to repeat a year, he had to study twice as hard to make up for the lost time. Jumi respects that, saying that if that had been her, she would've been satisfied just by getting in and played around LMAO what a mood.

YW didn't get a full scholarship, but he got recommended through an academy teacher to get a teaching position. He's concerned since it seems like the students don't seem to be concentrating lately, and Jumi's wondering if their concentration is the main issue LOOL I love her so much.

YW: Kids, you need to be looking at your book.

After he got into SU, YW went to find his old friends. Shoutout to his character development I shed a tear. Si Won is quaking. When YW went to the pharmacy, CR recognized him at first glance and YW didn't BAHAHA. I feel you, YW, I wouldn't recognize CR either.

CR: Huh? Box: Recognized him Box: After he found out he got accepted into university, he went to go find his friends Box: Didn't recognize him

CR and HK were both really salty that YW went MIA on him so suddenly, and wouldn't accept his apologies no matter what. They all drank that night, and it was also the first time YW got black-out drunk omfg lol. They woke up at CR's house the next morning, and ate ramen for breakfast to treat their hangover. While they ate, YW told them everything about the troubles he was going through at home.

He tells Jumi that his mom got surgery last year, since she wouldn't know. His mom's currently in rehab, and CR/HK came to visit. Jumi asks if his mom's okay now, but YW simply says they've overcome a huge crisis. The surgery thankfully doesn't have big repercussions, but they never know when she might have another recurrence, so they gotta stay on their toes. But he's still relieved that they managed to get through it.

He says that he felt like he'd been stuck in a long tunnel for so long, and only realized how deep and dark it was once he got out. He doesn't want to go back there again, and wants to work hard at living. YOU GO BOY, I'M PROUD OF YOU.

Jumi found it ironic how YW, who was so popular and adored at the academy, was going through such a deep and dark tunnel.

And thank the lord YW finally got a phone again (the latest model too, dang) and asks Jumi to exchange numbers. Jumi agrees, pulling out her phone, and YW notices the stickers on the back of her phone... :'( He gives a little smile, and then...

Jumi: Of course. -Tell me your number too!

ST: Heh

Both of them simultaneously ask how HB's doing. RIP RIP RIP RIP.

They're both shocked, YW especially. He was positive that HB and Jumi were still dating, but Jumi says that HB cut off contact with her ever since the CSAT ended. She doesn't know why he'd do such a thing, and asks if YW has any idea.

YW: I was certain that you two were still dating well—

YW honestly doesn't, apologizing since he thought they were still happily going out. He—like Jumi—had heard that HB had gone to America, but he hasn't contacted HB and HB hasn't contacted him :(

Jumi's kinda sad at that, saying that she thought that maybe HB going MIA had to do with YW, but it doesn't matter anymore. Since 6 months have already passed, she says she's going forget him and see someone else now.

YW still looks thrown off, wondering what the hell HB's doing, and Jumi asks if anything came to mind. YW doesn't answer, looking pretty troubled T__T I’m pretty sure this guy knows he had something to do with this LORD why always got so much drama :(

After some time, YW and Jumi part ways, since YW has an assignment to turn in and has to return to the hospital. Jumi's fine with it, and YW says they should meet up again.

As Jumi walks away, she notes again how amazing of a person YW is. They both started at the same place, but YW seems like he's already found his wings and flown far away. While it felt like she was still tied down by the events of last summer, YW's already changed and those memories have become simple memoirs to him. She's discouraged by that, thinking that maybe they shouldn't have met up at all. NO TO THAT CHILD, I LOVE YOU TWO INTERACTING.

It's another morning, and Jumi's off to get lunch with OS and SH. Jumi's basically third-wheeling, thinking those two should date already while they bicker over food.

Jumi: Just date, already. Right ST: Pollack hates you, too. Left ST: Wow, how childish.

Suddenly, her phone rings with a message. It's YW, asking where she is. And then there he is, in all his beauty, calling to Jumi from in front of her school gates (surrounded by girls smh).

YW: Jumi!

Jumi's flabbergasted, wondering why the heck he's here while he happily high-fives her. He came to see her, and asks her to go somewhere with him. GOD I KNOW MORE DRAMA IS COMING BUT I'M SO HAPPY YW AND JUMI ARE BEING ALL BUDDY BUDDY AGAIN I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP. WE JUST NEED HB BACK NOW THANKS AUTHOR-NIM.

Jumi: W, why are you in front of my school...?! ST: Extremely Flustered YW: To see you, of course! Are you between classes right now?

[levyfiles]

Ryan, Shane, and *wheeze*

“I meant *unintelligible* not *wheeze* lmao“

lol got it! These are some great questions omg

ryan: what’s the most paranormal thing to ever happen to you? I think I answered a similar question in another BFU ask meme but another incident actually happened in the same house. I was up pretty late on my laptop in the kitchen. I was drinking a cooler with a metal bottlecap and an old habit left from my years in West Africa had me placing the bottlecap back on the bottle between sips. I remember putting it back on, the feeling of the cap snapping back on the first lip of the bottle’s rim.. I was hyper-aware of what my mom had told me about the ‘kitchen ghost’ lol and at the time I still didn’t believe in any of it. Anyway, I was sitting there in the dark, had my earphones in. I was a fansubber back then so I was intently listening to the audio, so I was barely aware of my surroundings. That is, until it got really cold in the kitchen. This was in the mountains of Kispiox so sometimes there could be mid-summer wintry breezes here and there but it seemed odd that it would penetrate the walls like that. Anyway, I was aware of the time and it was oddly enough, the strike of 3am. I paused my video and kinda looked around in the dark, my laptop screen literally the only light around. It happened super fast but the movement caught my eye. It was like a there was an animal shape on the floor, like a dog that was sleeping. I didn’t have a dog back then. 

I was literally staring wide-eyed in the dark as this shape got up and raced right by my feet, and just as it raced by in a strange flood of black, blacker than the dark of the room, the bottlecap on my drink literally popped and flew off my bottle. I was spooked djskfnj but you know, I had a lot of work to do and an oncoming deadline. I shakily put the bottlecap back on, thinking a wholesome ‘What the shit?” as I went back to work trying not to think about it too hard. 

shane: do you believe in ghosts?  You know what? I don’t actually. OK wait, let me finish. I feel like the more predominant perspective on what ghosts are has got to be bullshit. There’s just no way they embody the actual existence of people once here and alive. I don’t believe anything happens to us after we’re dead and gone, but I do believe that emotions, temperaments and conflicts can leave residue, just as someone can walk in a room and a mood will change or when they walk out and the people in there still feel how they felt when they were there. I don’t know if you’ve ever had someone you know and live with go on vacation or move out. If you’ve ever gone to look at the space they’ve inhabited and felt both their absence and what they’ve left behind all at once. Even quantum physics says the energy in our framework makes it so that a pot of water being boiled is affected by our proximity. It’s fascinating, but I think we got ghosts all wrong. There’s gotta be a science to it that we haven’t yet deconstructed and that is fascinating to me.

*unintelligible*: name 3 things you can’t explain. 1) The patterns of human behavior and morality, how we repeat the same mistakes under different incarnations. How we are in a perpetual loop and even noticing the pattern doesn’t spare us from others making the mistakes. 2) Why my apartment has a static electricity everywhere wherein even running water shocks me. I bought a humidifier and seem to need to keep it on constantly to keep the static at bay. Nothing worse than getting shocked by every surface in your living space. 3) How anxiety has become such a pervasive part of our generation’s culture.I have a few theories but it’s still hard to explain djkfndskjf

A really cool BFU ask game!!

[frenchlangdon]

Echo

Summary: this is literally the aftermath of the Area 51 raid.

No pairings. There’s no marvel characters in this.

A/N: this is based off of a dream I had last night, I usually have very weird, vivid, and sometimes very gory dreams. And I thought that I had to share this one! I’ve been seeing a lot of Area 51 memes lately so I think that’s what triggered this dream! Lmao and also the elevator part, I know realistically that wouldn’t happen but that’s what happened in the dream. Everything you’re reading, I dreamt it. I’ve been having a lot of dreams about people dying. I’m thinking I might need to go see a therapist 😂

“There’s been an outbreak of parasitic beings, starting in the United States and spreading viciously worldwide, they enter the host’s body and they feed on blood, slowly expanding the more they stay alive and feed. The hosts they are most attracted to are humans. They can start out the size of a ping pong ball or even smaller and can expand up to the size of a yoga ball. What doctors can’t figure out is why it’s not noticeable to the human eye when these hosts have expanded in the human body. But once you open up the host, you can see the parasite and how large it is. Scientists and Doctors are working on vaccines to prevent these hosts from entering the body or possibly killing it once it enters. We’ll be back in the next two hours hopefully with some more news on this.”

This shit only happened because those dumbasses raided Area 51. They successfully raided the base. How? I don’t have a single fuckin clue. Now there’s some alien species running amongst people and killing them. They’ve just made it into our town and the people here are running amok while these parasitic aliens are now latching onto the people from the outside and draining their bodies dry. There’s people in the streets screaming bloody murder due to panic, others are raiding stores, and others are simply just killing.

I packed some essentials in a small duffel bag. I sprint to my sister’s room. She was older by five years, but sometimes she acts my age.

“Ash, we need to go! Hurry up.” I said, she turned to me with tears running down her face.

“What about Echo? What do I do with her?”

“The world is slowly turning to shit and you’re worried about a horse. And she’s at the ranch that’s not on the way to where we’re going!”

“Marie, she’s my baby! I can’t just leave her!”

“Yes you can! If it means surviving this shit and living a full somewhat happy life, then yeah. You leave her. She’s a horse. You can get another one when things tone down, if they do...” I zipped up her duffel she packed and grabbed her arm and drug her to the room next to her’s, I opened the door to Samantha’s room. Samantha is our friend and roommate. Same age as Ash.

“Sam, you ready?” I asked.

She turned and nodded. She put her phone in her pocket and zipped up her bag. She threw it over her shoulder and walked with us. We lived in an apartment building, the tenth floor. Yeah it was a pain in the ass. And if the elevator isn’t working, it’ll be even worse. We walk out of the apartment. We’re in the very end of the hallway, at our end of the hallway there’s a huge window that stretches from the floor to the ceiling, at the other end is the elevator. We’re standing with our backs to the window.

A scream breaks through the silent air, an alien gets thrown out of an apartment a few doors down and hits the wall, it slides down and looks over at us. “Don’t move.” I said through my teeth. In my peripheral vision I see Ash breathing heavy and Sam as still as can be. I look to the alien looking thing, it’s the size of a yoga ball, and if I’m being honest, it looks like Mike Wazowski on crack. It started growling and charged at us. Ash screams and it’s as if everything happens in slow motion, the alien thing runs and latches onto Ash and they fall through the window. My eyes widen and I look down to see my sister laying on the ground, surrounded by red and green. I look to Sam and her eyes are red, tears are falling from her eyes and running down her cheeks. “Ash..” I mumbled.

The screeching of one of those alien things could be heard from another apartment that was too close to us. We both run to the elevators, I’m pressing the button furiously as we’re both panting, the screeching gets louder and my heart is beating too fast for my liking. The elevator door slides open and the alien thing stands in the middle of the hallway looking towards the broken window. I jump into the elevator and hide, Sam doesn’t follow and I peek out.

I see her in between the elevator door and the outside of the wall. “What the hell are you doing?” I whisper yell. “Hiding. The thing can’t reach me.”

“You’re gonna get hurt if the doors start to close.”

I said, the fear started sinking in as she refused to get from in between the outer door of the elevator and the wall. I don’t know how she fit herself in between them, but she did.

The alien turned around and started walking towards us. But just as it got closer the doors started closing, “Samantha!” I exclaimed. I tried pressing the button to make the doors stop moving but it didn’t work. “Sam! Sam! Get out! Hurry! Please, Samantha!” I cried out. But she said nothing, there was no response, which scared the complete shit out of me.

Right before the doors closed, inches before it shut, I heard the loud sound of something popping and cracking, blood splattered inside of the elevator, I felt something warm spray over my face. The screeching sound of the alien stopped. I backed up until I hit the cold metal wall of the elevator, slightly in shock. The elevator doors opened up to the same floor, the tenth. There alien wasn’t there anymore. I look to my right, in between the elevator door and wall, where Sam was hiding. The only thing there was bone, blood, and skin. I press the buttons quickly and the doors shut, finally taking me down.

I find my car and load up all three of our duffel bags in the trunk.

I made it to the place we all planned to go to.

It was some house that sanctioned people from these aliens. It was several towns over, a three hour drive.

I got assigned a room, each room had two beds, you had a roommate if you came alone. If you came with another you’d be assigned a room with them if possible. I walk into my room and find a guy my age sitting on one of the beds. “Are you in the right room?” I asked.

“Yeah. They don’t do same sex dorms here. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

I set my duffel and Sam’s at the end of my bed. I sit on the bed with Ash’s duffel on my lap, I unzip it and the first thing I see is the picture she cherished the most. It was a picture of us standing on each side of Echo, I remember that day all too well.

“Did you see me riding Echo?��� Ash jumped off of her horse as I walked closer. She had the biggest smile on her face. She had just got back from college, she waited two full semesters to ride her baby again. “Yeah, it was just like old times. I missed you Ash.” I hugged her as tight as I could. “It’s not the same without you.” I started to cry, our parents were... they weren’t like most, i’ll just say that.

“Oh I know bug. I came down, not only to spend time with Echo.” She patted the horse and smiled. “But to also ask you a very important question.” She beamed. “What?” I asked.

“Well I’m moving back here, but I need a roommate, I was wondering if—”

“Yes! Oh my god! Yes!” I exclaimed as I jumped up and down in excitement. I hugged her again.

“Ugh! I love you big sister!”

“I love you, too, little sister.” She laughed.

“Now come on, let’s take a picture with this beauty. I want to remember this day for as along as I live.” She said.

I wipe a tear that had slowly made its way down my cheek.

“I love you, Ash.”

[sierrabinondo]

my first tour.

i’m currently sitting in a ford e350 riding down I-95 back to new jersey, to hurriedly clean out the rental van we took for my band’s first tour ever and drop it off at bandago. we’ve been up since 8:30 am, not an unusual time for us, but we’re running on about 5-6 hours of sleep. that’s the average amount of sleep we’ve been able to squeeze in every night of tour. nine nights straight away from home, a gig almost every night. and of course, as physically exhausting as it was, it was a week that changed us and challenged ourselves as musicians.

8/12 - asbury park, nj

day one was our jersey hometown show in asbury. boy it was stressful at first, and absolutely sweltering outside from the humidity. i was so stressed because i was in a panic (when aren’t i lol) dealing with a sinus infection. anyone who knows me knows i’m a nervous wreck. i am a perfectionist, and i loathe not performing at my best; i try really hard to be perfect. i was flushing out my sinuses every hour and inhaling my humidifier that resembles a mini-nutri bullet if they came in white and also had a vaporizer tank inside. i looked pretty ridiculous sitting behind merch like this but i wasn’t taking any chances. i needed to take whatever measures i could possible to avoid a poor performance. there were a good amount of friends and people who came out to support us and i didn’t want to let them down. i was also really excited to see funeral attire, the band we went on tour with, and for people to see the progress we made in the month and a half we took to rigorously prepare for tour.

the asbury show ended up being really great, and a couple people said it was the best they’ve ever seen us. i felt overjoyed to hear such awesome feedback. i was also just really happy i could get our tourmates and close friends in funeral attire a show in asbury park. we sold out of pretty much all of our ramen shirts, which i was hoping to save for the rest of tour, but we ended up having enough to sell at least one ramen shirt a day to somebody. it was also really cool seeing like five people walking around the venue with ramen shirts on lmao

8/13 - long island, ny

and so our week of tour began- my sinus infection lessened but it persisted. the next day was long island, and we were looking forward to reuniting with our friends in i dreamt the sea who graciously put the show together for us. all of tour, whenever we played a bar with a juke box i spent $2 to play “smooth” by carlos santana featuring rob thomas and it was worth the allocated cost of $4 for all of tour. the show was a ton of fun. however i strangely sang worse than i did the day before- which was weird, and frustrating, since i felt the symptoms of my sinus infection less than i had in asbury. i was extremely upset. but i was surrounded by friends and i tried really hard to put on a brave face. all the bands we played with were super nice and liked us a lot, we made new friends and people who came out to the show dug us a lot too. we finally got to gig with u blue who are also a blue swan-eque band. so i guess even though i sucked, we did something right.

as we were getting ready to leave to go crash at my close friend jenni’s house in bellimore, our van’s battery died. bandago mentioned when we picked up our van earlier in the day that the battery had died the day before, but all they advised was that we drive the van around for a half hour or more once we began our rental. they didn’t mention anything about being wary of the battery beyond that. kelly and cassidy straight up saved us and gave us a super quick jump, and we were on our way finally. jenni was the first friend we crashed with and she really treated us to a nice sleep and some delicious bagels. so glad i could get to see her for the first time in a while too.

8/14 - nazareth, pa

the next day we headed out as quickly as possible to make our way to PA. something i feared on this tour was that we would lose our personal belongings, or have something stolen from us. this did happen - our tour photographer julie’s power strip was stolen in long island. fortunately, we were able to help her replace it. what had happened as we arrived to PA and stopped at walmart, was that i magically lost my phone somewhere between holding it in my hand walking out of the store, and sitting down to leave for our hotel. i was pretty much convinced it was gone or stolen. we ripped apart the entire van to try to find it, ran back inside walmart to see if i put it down somewhere, and even walked back to a spot we had the van parked in for a few minutes. i was convinced i was going to spend all of tour without a goddamn phone. and then, it occurred to me- maybe check… the garbage? and christ almighty. in a swath of basura juice, there was my phone. i ran back inside walmart to scrub the SHIT out of the case and carefully wash the phone itself and we finally made our way to check in at the days hotel in allentown, PA.

seriously- if you have a band of 5+ people, and/or if you are willing to spare the expense, buy hotel rooms for whatever nights you don’t have somewhere to crash for free any night of tour. i realize this isn’t feasible for 2+ week stints, or for people who literally do this for a living, but it was amazing to have beds to sleep in and free breakfast every morning for about $12-$15 a person. i actually don’t know if we would have been as healthy and happy without having that convenience. hotwire was how chris donis from funeral attire and i booked rooms, and the rates started at about $60 plus fees and tax per night. and it was fun crashing in hotels.

we met up with our friends in funeral attire and ethan from whittled down who was doing merch for most of the tour for a quick swim before the show in nazareth. we love hanging out with those guys. my obnoxious laugh is probably amplified by 10 dB just being around them. seriously almost pissed myself laughing in the pool because the guys were playing chicken and then ethan was doing kick flips into the pool with the life-saving device hanging by the pool the size of a massive surfboard. but POOL TIME was over around 3:30 pm because we had to get ready to head to the next venue, which was stehly’s bakery in nazareth a town over.

playing stehly’s was sick. small place, but they give each band member at least one free treat of some sort. i got a couple kiffles- little pastry dough roll-ups filled with fruit jellies- they were soooo cute and so good. i also caved to a helping of six potato and onion pierogies after the show. the only concerning thing was that after the first band jetsam played - awesome instrumental prog doom band - we soon realized that the show didn’t have a sound guy. there was a small PA set up, and we had mics and mic stands missing. the confusion pushed us quite a bit behind schedule but enough people at the show were resourceful and helpful enough to keep the show moving. i felt like i didn’t play an awesome set, and we also had some technical difficulties with our click track/Interlude mixer, but the funeral attire guys still had very nice things to say about us, so i trust them haha.

i was frustrated with how i totally blew my performance in long island, when we had a decent amount of people watching us, and then had a great show the next day. i actually don’t care about playing to a room of few people; i consider any opportunity to play to any amount of people of equal worth to another. so when i blow one show but not the other, i feel regret for not winning over potential fans we could have had, had i just been a better vocalist.

8/15 - philadelphia, pa

so then imagine my absolute blind rage, when we played the barbary in philly the next day, and we played our worst show all of tour. we were truly looking forward to this show and we were so devastated afterwards. my top most anticipated three shows were asbury, philly and cambridge. we love playing philly, we had some great bands on this bill we like a lot, and we actually had people coming out for us.

we were just making sure that the band on before us had almost all their gear off before we could load on, it was a really small stage. but the sound guy beckoned for us over the PA to start loading on regardless. we barely got a line check and it set the precedent for the whole set. ryan was starting to have volume issues with the volume levels on the mixer, and then because our individual levels were out of whack one of us would be louder than the other, or too loud to hear the drums. it was a straight up mess. and i didn’t know if we would win over anyone at the show anyways, but i just wanted to play well enough to have their respect. i put a lot of pressure on ourselves. i put a lot of pressure on myself.

when i have a bad set and i can’t deal with the disappointment i tend to shut down. even if i try my absolute best, even if people tell us we were still good - i just, i don’t believe them. it feels like they’re just being polite or i’m being lied to. it’s pretty pathetic of myself and sad; it’s something i need to work on. i actually wrote the small verse of lyrics in the intro of this tour about that. i just don’t think with all the experience of singing and performing i have that error is excusable anymore. after taking my best friend laura to her car i started chugging alcohol. i told myself before tour i wouldn’t drink until the last day to keep my throat in a healthy condition - whoops. i was so pissed i didn’t care and we had the next day off anyways; figured if i chugged water before bed i’d be fine. and i was right.

even when we had bad shows, my favorite perk each night was just getting to see funeral attire play every night. their song “joy” is one of my favorite all-time songs. the drowned god, blueroom and flowercrown were awesome too. oh! and a super fun thing we did was place enormous orders for cheesesteaks and had them delivered to the venue. we got guest lists this show and two free drink tickets each too. not gonna lie, it felt cool haha. we also explored a bit and FINALLY did our nine month-overdue interview with our friend brandon from audio addiction.

8/16 - day off at delaware water gap, days hotel in allentown, pa 

the next day, our day off, marked the halfway point for our tour. the original plan was hershey, but we did delaware water gap instead. it was a much better plan. we started the day with the whole tour together at cracker barrel. we then started to head up to delaware water gap, specifically milford, PA to check out hackers falls and milford beach. this day started out as absolute dog shit for me because i was dealing with a kinda heavy personal issue at home. didn’t anticipate i’d have anything to worry about in this regard, and my mental health has been worsening over the course of this year. so imagine at this point how hard it was for me to hide behind my hair and not be upset the whole morning. i’m also a horrible liar so i was fucked if i wanted to lie and say it was seasonal allergies fucking up my face lmfao

on top of that, we were super behind schedule for del water gap. we were all supposed to go jump in the waterfalls together, but we couldn’t find the specific waterfall we wanted to jump in. and the one we did find, the one i sort of swam in, it turned out that the trail to the bottom of the waterfall was closed off- which i believe had a more ideal swimming hole-type area. oh! and the worst part! we kept forgetting funeral attire had a commercial van for this tour. and one of the roads linked to where we were, PA-209, doesn’t allow commercial vehicles to travel through. so on top of me dealing with shit at home and now feeling like i was immensely inconveniencing my friends, i felt like an asshole. on my fucking day off lmao

but to my pleasant surprise it ended up being fine, and insanely fun. funeral attire didn’t get to chill at the waterfall with us but we made our way to milford beach and hung out there for the remainder of the day. thank god it was still open we didn’t get there until 5:30 pm. a bunch of us were swimming, couple of the guys just read or laid in the grass, and a few of the guys were throwing around a baseball. some of them swam across the river and back, the other side of the river was new jersey haha.

that night we got together to drink VERY heavily and hang out. that was probably one of my favorite highlights of the tour. at this point i was feeling much better. i shared a fat bottle of some pink moscato with julie. by the way, it was so sick having another girl on tour. not just because julie is talented but is also a great friend and was just an awesome presence to have for the week. her and donis helped me a lot on this day, if it wasn’t for them i don’t know i would have gotten through it.

my band partied hard for the first night all tour. funeral attire has the absolute strength and stomachs to drink most nights and then still play amazing sets every day- we’re not there at least not yet haha. holy fuck i made it halfway through this post and haven’t mentioned TIKI TIME??? TIKI TIM???

so funeral attire kept a couple sweet luau decorations from the long island venue hahaha and one of them said tiki time- can’t say i can truly encapsulate what tiki time is in a short explanation. tiki time was when we drank, but tiki time was also sort of the entire tour??? so i might be beat for explaining it well haha.

so we got super drunk and sang to old fueled by ramen/myspace emo bands, and my bandmate jaime and i played a four-way battle of magic the gathering with frankie and fez from funeral attire. i had my ass handed to me but i’m still learning anyways, it was fun regardless. it was really cool getting to know the guys in funeral attire better, i was already pretty close with donis but i feel like i got the chance to actually talk and hang with everyone.

arguably one of the funniest moments on tour - my bandmate joe got absolutely TRASHED. he somehow managed to get lost lmao or jaime had to escort him back to our hotel room late in the night. and even after joe was safe with us he woke up at 6 in the morning when housekeeping came walking in so he got up to shoo them away hahaha and THEN- he PANICKED because he realized he didn’t take a room key when he walked out the room and shut the door HAHA so he called ALL of us SEVEN times, he also accidentally called the jam room in howelll LMAO and finally as he’s on the phone with our friend ed, ed was just like “ask for help” so joe pulled aside an employee. and as that employee was approaching to help and joe turned the door knob, the door OPENED. the poor kid was sooo hung over the entire next day.

8/17 - brooklyn, ny

the second half of tour began with our drive out to brooklyn and nursing poor joe back to health. both bands arrived to brooklyn around the same time. we briefly went to a dog park, and then went to a big thrift shop where bren bought the sickest light pink leather jacket. after about an hour or so of walking around, we realized we were out of ideas of shit to do until showtime in about eight hours. we were all hungry as hell, but half of us wanted ramen or pizza. so we split up - my bandmates went to pizza, and julie and i went to ramen with funeral attire and ethan. we went to zamurai ramen which was absolutely fantastic. the prices were reasonable, too.

muchmore’s was a cool spot- a handful of my good friends came out too, it was awesome to see them and have some comfort from familiar faces. bartees cox jr was one of my most anticipated artists we were to play with on tour, and just, wow. originally his whole band stay inside was to play, but when he could only play solo i knew in my gut i still needed him on the show. what an exemplary musician of genuine talent, he truly stole the show. his voice, god. some people just sing, and some people make you feel by way of singing- i truly felt what he was singing. it’s people like him that inspire me.

well UNFORTUNATELY, i blew it at this show again too. and it felt horrible for me, considering my bandmates still played well and we promised we wouldn’t let the philly set happen again. i hate when i encourage everyone to play their best but can’t even set a good precedent for everyone. i was insanely upset, but i suppressed the urge to despair. 

after the show we crashed with jaime’s friends tim and erica who - holy shit - really pulled out all the stops for us. we had to pay $79 to park the van in the city, but even in a small lower manhattan apartment they were able to make us feel so goddamn comfortable. beds for everyone, a dinner table set for all of us and incredibly nice wine. i wasn’t going to eat but holy shit i COULD NOT turn down what tim made for us - this like, primavera white wine bowtie pasta and some DUMB thicc succulent pork. holy shit it was some of the best pork i have ever had. they also gave us breakfast for the next morning. what ANGELS

8/18 - manchester, nh

as we awoke we geared up for what would be our longest drive all tour - manhattan to manchester, new hampshire. we had at least six hours of driving to kill in time for load in at 5. we took this opportunity to watch selena- aka one of the best movies ever. the rain all day was real inconvenient, but we were excited to now be in funeral attire’s neck of the woods- new england that is. this also meant we were in the final stretch of tour; the dread was starting to set in.

this show ended up being one of our favorites. we had an enormous stage! it was fun to perform on and i felt like i personally had a great performance. it was cool to look around and see my bandmates looking super content and as into it as i was. the bands we played with were all awesome, we also played with a cool touring package (glass half empty and crafter). i was so excited to check out pinnacle, i really love their sound and their vocalist is so sick. damnit i just remembered i forgot to buy a shirt from pinnacle. I DIGRESS-

so funeral attire showed us mr. mac’s in manchester, a spot with over a dozen kinds of mac and cheese. i wanted to get the lobster one but i ended up getting jalapeño cheddar. woooOOOOOOOW it was GOOD - but of course i could only eat a little bit due to the fact i had to sing and also, milk products and my body are not a good mix anymore :—–) so i saved the rest for later and ate some while watching funeral attire’s set hahaha. julie got the carbonara which had like three different white cheeses and bacon, i almost got that one originally but we both just swapped bites. hiiiighly recommend going if you’re ever playing bungalow bar and grill or going to a show there!

8/19 - cambridge, ma

our second-to-last show was in cambridge, MA- it’s like boston’s brooklyn. rob kindly put us up for the night in his basement, and after we packed up we went to explore cambridge. to my very nice and pleasant surprise there was a GODDAMN H MART - an asian supermarket - with a food court. so we ate lunch there! i got a poké bowl, couple of the guys got ramen and sushi, and julie had this amazing dark curry. we also tried café nero, really great coffee/espresso spot that is also a chain and i straight up just had no idea. there was a bao place (super soft dumplings, kinda look like lil sandwiches) next door that julie and i grabbed baos to eat at. i got the MIT and- oh christ i forget the name of the other one- but the MIT had lamb, lettuce, sesame seeds, pickled onions and spicy mayo, and the other had most of the same ingredients but with crispy tofu. soooo delicious. the guys also bought a couple records at a shop across the street from the venue.

the venue we played was out of the blue too art gallery, an art gallery that hosts shows. AND THEY HAD AN ALASKAN MALAMUTE WALKING AROUND NAMED XO. the biggest malamute i’ve ever seen, xo was so cute. had colored feathers in her fur too. this show was funeral attire’s hometown show, so we met a lot of the musicians they’re most friendly with and they were all so kind. i wanted to get oldsoul on the show so badly and donis and jess from oldsoul made it happen, just such a wonderful band. i got hooked on em from their litter box sessions, jess has such an incredible voice. and the best part was they were all so nice, ugh. rainsound and newfield were awesome too, we got to talk to the rainsound guys a good amount. i didn’t do so hot this night - i hit a difficult note but still botched a bunch of other things - but honestly i was having such a great night so it didn’t even matter. and it was cool to see people who love funeral attire as much as i do singing the words.

8/20 - attleboro, ma

for the last night of tour frankie put us up, we left his place around noon to go back to café nero and get coffee and breakfast before checking in to our last hotel. by chance, hotelwire’s best deal was the holiday inn in mansfield, MA and holy SHIT- they upgraded our room so that we had a sofa with a pull out bed AND THE ROOM WAS MASSIVE. it was bigger than my boyfriend’s apartment in asbury park. two fluffy queen sized beds, that sofa bed, huge flat screen TV, spacious bathroom AND the sliding door in the room gave access right to the pool and jacuzzi area. we went for a quick dip in the jacuzzi and swam before we each had to quickly take real actually showers for the first time in two days. we managed to all somehow get ready within less than two hours and make it in time for load in at 5 pm, doors were at 6 pm

the last venue was cool - it was another art gallery, patterson creations. it was really nice and brand new inside. after both us and funeral attire loaded in we still didn’t have set time info, but going by the event page we assumed we at least were going on third - so minus jaime and ryan who already grabbed pizza across the street from the venue, we drove to north providence quickly to get hot dogs at olneyville new york system. it’s funeral attire’s favorite place to get hot dogs. we all pretty much ordered the way they do which is two hot dogs all the way, that comes with ground beef, mustard, celery salt and onions. i was hesitant to get two hot dogs but i was glad i did, because the one definitely wouldn’t have been enough. well, i WAS glad i did, until i got a very unpleasant phone call ha ha ha

jaime calls me as everyone is still finishing their food, and he says- “the door guy just approached me and said that… you guys need to get back here because we’re supposed to go on second.” holy shit i YELLED lmao. somehow, every other band but us and funeral attire got schedules, and we were supposed to go on at 7:05!!! it was 6:25 when jaime called me and we were twenty minutes away!!!

we quickly settled our bills and donis took me, my bandmates and julie back to the venue right away. we tried to get bands to switch but they couldn’t. thankfully the promoter was able to swap us with another band, so we had some additional time to get ready. i knew the promoter wouldn’t have done that to us out of malice, super nice guy. i had just wished we had the info prior to doors. we never go out for food if we know we have to play extremely soon. i don’t even eat less than three hours before i sing. i was losing my goddamn mind afraid of blowing our set on the last day of tour.

and i diiiiid ha ha ha as great as we started out, i blew almost the entire set. everyone also lost each other a couple times. because of the fear of fucking up royally we also completely abandoned the mixer for the interlude tracks, which we had to do several times over the course of tour. however usually we’d keep it hooked up so that ryan could hear the clicks, this time we didn’t use them at all but ryan’s tempo was still fine.

i was devastated our last set of tour went the way it did and i just couldn’t suppress the disappointment this time. i immediately inhaled a glass of wine at the bar and disappeared for a bit. as grateful and proud i was that we had just finished our first tour ever, i felt an overwhelming sense of failure. if i’m not consistently performing every night, am i fit to do this long term? am i costing the progress of our band? i worked so hard to be the best i could before we left. extra band practices and singing lessons. i did my best to proactively be aware of breathing technique while singing. is this just not in the cards for me? am i wasting my time and my bandmates time? it’s not a waste of time if it’s something i love, but am i an idiot to keep going? i know change doesn’t happen overnight, but i’ve been at this for so goddamn long now. even if i had confidence on stage to mask any evidence of error, my imperfect performance is still up for criticism. and that’s fair. i’m just afraid i’m sabotaging my own band.

after i was done cradling a box of tissues and watching newfield, i gathered my bandmates and my friend ben (we actually met on this site years ago lmfao he’s from worcester nearby the venue) to go get shit to mix alcohol with for after the show. i was also insanely depressed that funeral attire had to go home right after the show for work early the next day, so no post-show celebratory hangs. we had this stupid huge hotel room to have tiki time in and no funeral attire, we could have fit all twelve of us so comfortably.

but the saving grace of the night was singing flowers with funeral attire. what a FUn number but in all seriousness, my second favorite funeral attire song. their split with i dreamt the sea, the split that song is from, is sooo great. that perked me up a lot. 

after we parted ways with funeral attire we picked up a fat order of taco bell and went back to the hotel to eat, sad drink and watch the lion king. we spent the night sitting around in our new funeral attire merch just shooting the shit, and drinking until we fell asleep. we were easily dreading going back home, but hopeful for what the fall will bring for us as a band and to get back to EP 3 planning.

i know we’ll get to do this again. i just hate that i don’t know when right now. had some pretty bad financial scares on the road, and felt so tired i passed out in the van constantly, but i could sincerely do this forever.

i guess i also should maybe attribute some credit to the fact that chris donis and i booked this tour without any help from any booking company. no guarantees but we at least got something every night. i really don’t know what i would have done without him. i also realized maybe i have more ability as someone in the industry than i think. i feel slightly more knowledgeable now.

now that we know what it’s like to be on the road gigging every night, we can be sooo much more prepared next time. and i’m hoping to redeem myself, and i hope i can be better than ever. jeremiah was right when i called him last night crying - i’m an infinitely better vocalist than i was a year ago. i just hope our progress as a band now is enough to show people we have what it takes.

[purplesurveys]

678

The City You Live In

What city do you live in? I’m not gonna give away where it is exactly, but I’ve repeated on other surveys enough times that it’s very near Metro Manila – a stone’s throw away, even. That should narrow it down for ya. What was your first reaction when you saw it? I’m pretty sure I didn’t have a reaction. I was around 3 years old when we moved here from my dad’s family home in Tondo, so I couldn’t care less. Is it pretty or ugly? I wouldn’t call it ugly, but some parts are just normal, boring, and a little too suburban for my liking. But the part of the city that’s up the mountain is gorgeous – they’ve got the scenery, the nightlife, and the restaurants and bars. The drive is always worth it, even though it’s situated pretty far from the metro. Are the people there nice or mean? Filipinos in general are nice, there’s no question there. Are there a lot of churches? The entire country is predominantly Catholic. There are churches everywhere, regardless if we’re talking about my city or not.

Is it surrounded by mountains or hills? Mountains. Part of the city itself is atop a mountain, but in general it’s surrounded by mountain ranges that extend until Quezon province, I think. What grocery stores are there? Brands you wouldn’t know of, so it wouldn’t matter to name them. We have both independently-owned groceries and ones owned by national conglomerates. If you remember, what was the first restaurant you ate at there? I have no clue, man. Safe to say it was a fast food restaurant though, as they’re the most accessible ones. I’d say McDonald’s or Jollibee. Have you lived anywhere else in your state/province, etc? From 3 to 10 years old I lived with extended family in a duplex in a certain subdivision. When I was 10 – and around the time my mom got sick of the alcoholism issues that run in my family – we moved to our current house, in a subdivision just right next to our old one. So we did do some moving, but there was very little distance involved. Is there a lot to do? Around my area, no. Like I said, all the fun stuff can be done in the higher portion of the city, the part that needs you to drive up a mountain. That part has all the cool bars, pretty restaurants that offer the view of Manila’s skyline, cute coffee shops, a museum, a georeserve, and resorts and resthouses that similarly offer great views. Is there a river or lake? I don’t think so. At least I haven’t seen any of them. Are all the lights pretty at night? Oh the view of the skyline is pretty fucking fantastic. Here’s a usual view I see when Gab and I feel like having dinner in one of the city’s restaurants (that I got from this blog):

How many McDonald's resturants are there? Oh way too many. I live in an urban area, so there are McDonald’s literally 5 to 10 minutes away from each other. Are there any tourist attractions? There’s a number. Interest in the area has been growing and there are more and more people who visit the city to visit our museum, hike on our mountains, go to bars for the view, etc. What's the name of the nearest city? Cainta.  If it snows a lot, does it get gross in the spring when it melts? No seasons. Is food or gas expensive? Nope, it’s fairly cheaper because it’s neither in Metro Manila nor a business district, and it’s those two qualities that usually bump up prices. Is there a lot of light pollution? Definitely not. You can see the stars at night, which is a far cry from what you experience in Manila. Is the news good or horrible? It’s relatively a peaceful city, so not a lot of bad news come out of it. What's the newspaper called? I’m not aware of any local newspapers that we might have. Is anyone building anything right now? Yeah, there’s a new Starbucks being built in the main road leading up to the top of the mountain. It’s so weird cos it’s surrounded by so many bars, I dunno how it’ll fit there lmao. What's the main road(s)? If I give it away, you’ll know the city. Any birds like to hang out and scavenge? As far as I know, no lmao. What would you like to see in your town (restaurants, etc)? A Frankie’s, Mama Lou’s and Yabu hahahaha. But considering a big portion of the population aren’t really cityfolk, there’s a small chance for these restaurants to ever penetrate my city. What do you think would happen to it if everyone left and never came back? The town proper would definitely deterioriate, but the landscape wouldn’t change and I think it would even prosper, considering the road leading up to the mountain has always been preserved and it’s still very green. Do bands come there for concerts? Never, we don’t even have a stadium/arena lmao. Almost all concerts are held in Metro Manila. Is it very active in summer? No, as we don’t have any beaches. The place is really known for its chill views and nightlife more than anything. Does it have a cool name? No fun nicknames that I know of. Do people work on the roads a lot? A lot of work was definitely put into it 15-20 years ago. As I said, the place was originally a mountain so in the first place it wasn’t even conducive to vehicles and general travel – it was nothing but a dirtroad. But because people visited more and more through the years they really had to renovate it, and now it’s the highway we know and drive through in the present. Are there any other cities with the same name as yours? I don’t think so. What's the temperature there now? 32C, according to my weather app. Bold/X what your city has! More than two McDonald's Starbucks "Restaurant row" (a street with restaurants lining it) – this, but make it bars. A college A small but good restaurant A street named after someone Downtown More than 5 banks A hospital An expensive neighborhood Hot guys/girls – ??? An outdoor ice cream place