#they’ve been packed with studying for finals and spending my first Christmas away from my family

[paperglader]

I miss her 😞 (fictional character imogen temult from critical role)

[jae-canikeepyou]

| kismet | j.jh | part one

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

word count: 10k+ welps

summary: his parents sends him for a month long vacation to the country side to meet his other half, which so happens to be you. and alternatively, your beloveds asks of you to be in your best behaviour while he’s around. disliking how things turn out, you both come up with a pact with each other before your two families gathers together for christmas eve dinner.

genre: arranged marriage + bad 1st impressions

a/n: happy new year ✨ and you know what that means? *wink wink* new layout for my oneshots hihi! ok you guys this took soooooo long to write ;-; i wasn’t satisfied with the first draft so i had to reboot everything! and i mean everything!! :3 so i had this specific genre in mind for a long time and i’m glad that someone requested at the same time while i was in the progress of writing it~ i should’ve posted this on christmas day but i was spending time with my family :D hope you understand hihihi anyway i’ll stop this here so you can enjoy reading! ~j

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| part two | part three (final) |

jaehyun never reacted so quickly in his entire life, simultaneously spitting out the drink he consumed and eyes growing at the news his parents suddenly brought up. his neck ache at sudden twist. “what did you say?” he wiped the drips of coffee at the corners of his lips. his breathing intensified the more the silence passed.

mr. and mrs. jeong playfully sighed & exchanged looks as their son shouldn’t be this surprised regarding the topic. they have discussed about this when he turned eighteen. now twenty-three, he shouldn’t be so surprised or over-reactive about it either. 

“you heard your father,” mrs. jeong chewed her meal elegantly, yet giggles were still heard through closed lips. “you’re meeting her next week.”

he squinted with plenty of doubts filling his head, he was sure that there was still a year left. and to him that also meant he has exactly a year to convince his parents to call off the marriage he never asked for, let alone planned it. he still has a lot- correction, have yet to achieve in his mid-twenties and having a wife now would be slightly cutting his privacy short. 

in other words, the path to leisure he wished for after years of academics would divert to spending a life planned out for him. he had a diary and planner, and 

they were organised and well-thought out. but he had enough of his parents writing out his future for him, why couldn’t he write his own love story?

jaehyun was on his second last year of veterinary medicine, having some of the weight and pressure of academics lifted off his shoulders. of course he knew he still has to study, he just felt a little relaxed knowing that he would soon practice his dream career.

never had he expected that time flew and was going to meet his fiancé soon. 

his phone blinked with along with a message from his friends— mark and johnny. he briefly looked at the wallpaper of his long-time girlfriend of four years; she was the one who was on his mind. “nononono, i can’t get married now.” jaehyun’s panicking voice echoed the dining area, shoving the phone into his pockets.

mr. jeong raised a brow, placing his cup of coffee on the glass table. “relax, you’re not putting a ring on her finger yet.”

“‘yet’?!” the dimples on his face deepened as his cheeks bubbled. “mom, dad, i haven’t even met her!”

“hm? that’s why you’re spending the whole month at the countryside!” mrs. jeong exclaimed excitingly, and to jaehyun it seemed she was enjoying herself as if she were the one going there too.

“a month?! what am i going to do over there?!” 

“isn’t this great? we finally get to see you outdoors instead of a laptop and report papers! you need a break honey.” his mother clasped palms.

“ugh i can manage my time—”

“once you start working i’m pretty sure you won’t have the time to, jaehyun.”

since the love topic was brought up, his parents started to dig out their memories during their dating years. jaehyun groaned and massaged his temples, feeling uncomfortable with all the love stories he already heard or been told about. “did you forget that i have a girlfriend?” mumbling, he let out a deep, long sigh hoping they would hear him. and that failed miserably. his parents were in their own world. 

he shook his leg underneath the table and grew impatient with the duration of their conversation. “please, i’m begging you. i’ll get married in my own time and pace. sue and i are pretty much going to settle once we graduate-”

a certain ringtone perked his ears and his hands quickly pat his pockets to search his phone. he let out a sigh of relief, that his girlfriend psychologically read his mind and knew how much he wanted to get out of the dinner table, not to mention his parents’ overly attachment to one another. 

“sue you called! i was wondering if you want to hang out for a while.” his voice was high in spirits. but word has it when it reached its high, it would plummet to the ground shortly after. “hey, what’s wrong?” 

on the other line, just a call away from his girlfriend, was her held-in sob and whimper. “where are you right now? i’m coming to get you.”

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jaehyun’s limbs shook in anger and slammed his fists onto the stirring wheel so hard that this time he promised himself he would move on. last week, she didn’t just break up with him— that was a call for farewell, something kept well hidden from him and all this time he didn’t know she felt the way she did for the years they’ve spent together. 

for a minute he wished this was all a dream, that conscious world would wake his slumber mind. it wasn’t. the reality pretty much awoke him and kept him up all night. he blinked several times, her words still numbing his hearing, wishing it was a lie... but he heard her loud and clear that night. 

“...you’ll always have a place in my heart.. but i’m really sorry..”

he grew speechless though his heart had millions of questions. the windows of his lips sealed closed no matter how much he wanted them to be answered. opposite from where he was at, he stared at the porch of her house, waiting for a silhouette to appear before him. instead a luxurious car pulled over and an unfamiliar man took his coat off to wrap around sue. that action didn’t hurt jaehyun, but it was sue’s smile of comfort that triggered his pain more. seemed like she knew this man given that she let him into her house, like nothing heartbreaking happened before this. 

the door closed and jaehyun’s teary eyes never left her residence until loud slams of swinging car doors opened on both sides of the passenger’s seats. “tsk.” he hissed and quickly rubbed the tears meaning to fall. him being seen crying would really make him a target for his friends, for not moving on. couldn’t risk being the attention more than he already was.

“goodness mark it’s not like we’re on vacation that you have to pack almost everything,” johnny threw one of mark’s duffle bags at the boy, earning a so-what kind of look from him. “we’ll only bring jae to the y/l/n’s then leave afterwards—”

screw this, jaehyun thought. by now he shouldn’t look too swollen to his friends. but screw mark for renting and living across from his ex’s house. 

“save your explanation john.” jaehyun growled and started the engine, fastening his while seatbelt the two continued their bickers. more of it was mark’s shallowness that pissed johnny.

“yeah, save your explanation john- ow!” mark gave the tall lad a death-gazing glare at the pain that stayed on his skin.

johnny leaned forwards, tapping the dimpled boy on the shoulder. “dude, you changed your mind?”

jaehyun scoffed, resting his left arm onto the window’s edge as he drove. “mom said i should be accompanied. i didn’t want you both to come but she’s so insisting it’s getting into my nerves.” 

“actually mrs. jeong said you might need us after your sudden breakup,” mark pressed the button. the window rolled up and down whereas him and johnny exchanged looks to try to liven up the mood in the car. “what are friends for, hm?”

“o-oh yeah. you’ll need us.. as in.. ‘sue’pport.” he nodded with a fake sob. soon mark bursted out in giggles and joined the wagon. 

“‘cause you lost your ‘sue’weetheart.” “she’s making you ‘sue’per emotional.” “we were ‘sue’prised she dumped you.” “but as your brothers, we ‘sue’wear we’ll be here—”

“ugh! i don’t know why mom suggested you to come but your side comments really aren’t helping at all—” jaehyun rolled his eyes regretting instantly at the pain afterwards.

his friends found him hilarious. they were laughing so hard that jaehyun couldn’t continue or interrupt their exploding voices. “since when did you need help, mr. leave-me-alone?” johnny took a huge leap from his seat to be beside the offended boy. “for all i know you’re the type who wants everything perfect, in control and planned.”

“nah dude, right now..” mark zipped his bag. “he needs help with love issues.”

“this has nothing to do with my love! and for the record, about the y/f/n’s? it’s arranged!” he lowered his cap and slid back slightly against the seat while the car was on idle. “do i need to spell it out for you?”

“that can change dude,” johnny slurped on his giant soda takeaway. jaehyun battered his eyes but was careful enough to not leave his sight off of the road. “who knows this fiancé of yours could meet your expectations. maybe more than sue could ever do.”

jaehyun’s mind clouded and still had the effects from the breakup. still so fresh. he didn’t want to believe it in fact happened; that it was all true. he was sure sue was the one for him. hearing his pals say it word per word only had it finally sunk in— she dumped him.

it terrified him in ways he couldn’t imagine, haunted him countless of nights because he failed her. he even bragged to his parents that he would marry her and slip a ring on her finger. thinking about it, how stupid was he to hold onto that hope?

he looked like an idiot, felt like one and his friends probably viewed the same. they said his fiancé could outstand sue? she was the perfect package! what more could he get?

he had her.

honks of the vehicles behind led jaehyun’s eyes trailing to the stoplight that emitted green. he pulled over and johnny knew he had to take his place. 

“here, let me drive. you’re not fit for driving. now, just be comfy back there, okay?”

—

hours later violent jolts of the car hit jaehyun’s cheek, regaining consciousness from his slumber just to witness the beautiful sunrise peeking from the horizon. he sat up, his posture trying to straighten to denumb nerves that held long during his sleep.

his playlist blasted the speakers. johnny had his legs on the dashboard and hummed with the music. mark was still sleeping peacefully like he hadn’t had a care in the world other than his precious bag of unfinished chips in his hands. 

he groaned at the discomfort of pulled muscles and the sudden break to the countryside. if johnny needed an hour intervals for the drive he could’ve said so, right? but now they were at the open road, greenery and fields merging together in one land. 

“what time is it? where are we and are we there yet? i’ll drive if what you do delays the journey.” jaehyun gestured him to move aside. “johnny, stop eating.” it was quarter to two.

“wha-? i’m hungry. hey, you’re the one who didn’t want to come and yet you’re rushing to get to the y/l/n’s?” johnny unwrapped his second burrito. “besides, we’re only five minutes away—”

“tsk ‘cause i need to piss real bad.” jaehyun was fidgety and panned the view before setting eyes on his friend. 

johnny felt a churn in his stomach as his cheeks bubbled. “oh gross! i’m eating dude! if you’re gonna piss then do it outside?!”

jaehyun shoved the burrito into johnny’s mouth to not speak anymore. “rather hold it in than for you to puke in my car!” he held his strength while johnny fought his way to breathe properly. “i won’t piss outside and there are cattles who feed on fields!”

“bruh stop lecturing me with your vet knowledge- ah!” johnny held his forehead from the sudden finger flicking.

“dude, it’s called common sense. now move aside!” he shooed the tall boy off the driver’s seat. jaehyun stepped on the gas, heading towards a small town entrance.

they finally reached a couple of stores & restaurants, surveying and asking its townsmen using your family name to locate your residence. maybe they would know which apartment or house you resided in. except that was the twist of their understanding. 

jaehyun and his boys were shocked to know how your family name plastered in posters and brand products displayed at open stores, but were more shocked to see the gazes from the people. 

a little over an hour, they managed to get hold of more information as they were told your house was ten minutes away from the town. jaehyun walked along the pavement to grab something to drink, only to be poked by a young man who was around the same age as they were.  

“hi.” he greeted the unfamiliar man. “i take it you’re looking for the y/l/n’s?”

he took a squint as he observed jaehyun from head to toe, circling around him. “uh-huh, you look like m’lady’s husband-to-be in the pictures.”

“e-excuse me?” jaehyun cleared his throat, seemingly unwilling to have this conversation going.

mark held his laugh per usual, it would take time to get used to jaehyun stumbling his words. 

because the engaged man really wasn’t ready at all. 

“yeap he’s the guy.” johnny popped the ‘p’ with a lollipop in his mouth. jaehyun rolled his eyes, taking the candy stick and tossing it away. he didn’t care about johnny’s scoffs.

the new young lad wore his motorcycle helmet. “sweet.” he prolonged the word. and that was when both mark and johnny lost it. they recalled the pun they entertain themselves with prior to arriving here.

“oh, i work with the town’s famous family,” he showed his i.d. wrapped around his neck. “you can follow me since i’m heading there too.” the three quickly twitched at his quick paced movement. “i’m kunhang by the way, but i’d rather be called hendery. it’s my professional name, it just sounds cooler.”

jaehyun furrowed his brows at the praise. “okay hendery, uhm famous? they’re big time?” he pointed at the posters holding your family name. “how so?”

hendery swung his face shield downwards. “you’ll see.”

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gallops of horses were drumming the entire farm. dust and dirt swirled with the wind in the air and it took a while for the boys to adjust their sights at the distance. hendery dropped a couple of spare boots for them to wear. jaehyun was in awe. horses were majestic animals and though he got to study them, he never seen such a number of them on the fields.

“oh goodness me our guest is here!”

they turned around to voice of a jolly lady, an apron on and folded cuffs from her clothing. “hello there! welcome! you must be jaehyun! my soon to be son-in-law!” she shook his hands and later pulled him for a hug. “oh you look just like your mother!”

“hi mrs. y/l/n. y-yeah, i get that a lot these days,” jaehyun scratched his head. “thanks for having us.” 

her eyes trailed at mark and johnny, and they too, were pulled in for a hug. “i see jaehyun brought along his handsome friends with him! do enjoy your stay here with us!” she caught a glimpse of a figure approaching the crowd. “c’mere baby and meet the boys!”

jaehyun looked over his shoulder, lips parting and exhaled a short breath. she seemed young, she has a pretty face but obviously still in high school. what the? oh g- i’m marrying you?

“pfft no ew. i’m not getting married to you. i’m only 17.” she let out a chuckle, almost sarcastic enough for jaehyun to explode.

crap i said it unconsciously.

your mother lightly slapped her arm. “marg, where’s your sister?” she asked. “i told her to specifically come at the barn 1600.”

“she took jet for a ride. ‘detour’ she said, but i guess she’s on her way here.” she replied and mark choked on his water bottle. marg rolled her eyes. “green minded ass-”

“language marg!” hendery flicked her forehead, the latter held the pain. “the rudeness. sorry, kiddo here is the family’s baby. you’ll see the eldest daughter soon- oh! right on time m’lady!” he waved his hands up high.

jaehyun didn’t know what pissed him off more; one was at himself for being starstruck and in awe at you after his breakup, and two? 

the beautiful black horse you were riding on didn’t seem to be halting. it was trotting at first. you were on its saddle. he squinted his eyes, were you smirking? unbelievable. he thought you were doing this on purpose. no, you were really going to run him over. 

he noticed a change in speed, trotting then galloping on dirt. the sounds of it matched with the beatings of his rising heart. jaehyun took a step back, then it became more than one, until he was worried that he would end up being chased. there were couple of gasps and reminders of voices. he fell on his bum with palms hitting the ground as he breathed heavily, eyes still on you.

the horse listened to your rein, it let out a loud neigh with its front legs heavenwards. your laugh merged with it. “whoa- hey, easy jet, easy.” you cooed the animal, soon removing your helmet and hair flowed like those in shampoo commercials. “i think he got the message.”

jaehyun sat there dumbfounded, his brows drew together. what message? you were centimetres from killing him- wait. he saw you turn cold and your smile disappearing.

bingo! he got it. he knew the reason why you did this. 

you were against the arranged marriage too.

johnny leaned into mark’s ear, who had his hands cupping his lower face. “bro, jet’s a horse so stop giggling and clean your mind.” 

“dude i’m not laughing at that. just look at jae. i’ve never seen him so helpless.” he cackled a laugh. 

once your feet were on the ground, he finally got a better look on you. you were wearing a light wooled grey sweater with denim blue jeans. your hair now on one side and boots stained with dried mud. you took off your gloves to put your hand out for a handshake, one rested around your helmet. “hi, i’m y/n.” you greeted with a smile, ensuring it was fake enough for jaehyun to notice. 

“quite of an entrance.” jaehyun dusted his jeans and groaned at the exerted strength as he stood. “jeong jaehyun. veterinary medicine student..” he was about to grab your hand until you shoved yours into the pockets of your jeans. 

“y/n!” your mom exclaimed with warning. “your manners-” she clamped her lips when you put up a hand, eyes darting at her later at him.

“alright, okay. look mr. i didn’t ask for your field of study and i don’t need to know or do anything with you.”

jaehyun crossed his arms, a fake smile plastered on his face. what an attitude. “apparently you will? because i’m here for the next thirty days.”

“is that so?” you hummed and jaehyun didn’t like how you singsonged.

he knew something was coming and sometimes he thought it was best to keep quiet instead of letting his annoyance towards you spark up. “good, that means you’re helping me out with everything i do here.” he heard you say. “and do things i tell you to.”

“what?” his eyebrows snapped, and for you it was quite entertaining to see this reaction from him. following the trail of your footsteps, jaehyun stomped on wet soil as he stood before you. “hey you can’t just order me around like i’m your staff!”

“of course i can, you’re in my property-” you gestured the land.

“no, it belongs to your parents.” the tone of his voice irked you. he was grinning too.

“i can do whatever i want and choose whenever to help. i’ll only listen orders from mr. and mrs. y/l/n if they want me to do work..” he trailed off, your mother waving at him with admiration— typical as she saw him like an long lost son. “..but i guess not. my mom did say i needed a break from studying too much and she’s totally right. i must be pardoned from labour.”

it was your turn to cross arms and give him a lop-sided smile. the audacity of this man. you felt like ripping all your hair out. “you think staying here would prevent you from doing labour, your highness? sitting on your throne all dignified and at peace? well guess what, just because you’re a guest that doesn’t mean you get to be treated differently-”

you heard him bubble out a forced snicker. what was it this time? “of course it’s different! i am the guy you’re betrothed to-”

“i won’t allow it.” your jaw tightened with lips in a hard line. “a person like you is not worth my time and definitely not someone i’d want to marry.”

he pursed his lips. “wow do people ever tell you how bad of a host you are? you just don’t go shoving assumptions into people’s faces for your own entertainment. we’re humans.”

“i’m only rude to you. and yeah, people are humans. but you’re the devil’s incarnate.” you pulled jet’s reins and led him to the stables in which jaehyun observed how you gave that same smirk from earlier. “see if you’ll enjoy your stay here, hubby.” 

jaehyun clenched his fists and was sure little crescent moons already indented his palms. he only wanted sue to call him that. yet that was useless, they broke up. your face remained in his head and anger filled him up, now boiling so much that he felt a little lightheaded arguing with someone like you. 

he wanted to yell but johnny and mark sandwiched him between them with hendery walking in front. “tsk it’s only the first day and i want to go home.” he scrunched his nose. 

hendery had his palms behind his head, lips jutting to hold his grin. “m’lady—” he corrected himself. “y/n’s not usually like that. it’s a first seeing her so cranky and hotheaded.”

“really? how is she usually like?” mark asked with curiosity. “she seems cool because she smiled at johnny and me before the tables.. y’know, turned.” he shrugged with implications towards jaehyun.

“not cranky and not hotheaded.” hendery opened the door to your house, showing them to the large living area. “a lil’ different today but i tell you, our y/n is a professional equestrian. she’s passionate with what she does and—”

“a horse rider?! passionate?!” jaehyun hissed as he took off his shoes and brown coat, kicking it slightly to the side and hung it on the wall respectively. “she almost killed me!”

johnny hit the back of jaehyun’s head and clicked his tongue. “snap out of it jae, you’re overreacting. we’re at your future in-law’s residence and i think it’s a bad idea to badmouth their daughter.” 

only a low groan escaped out of jaehyun as he refused to listen. “look, first impressions don’t always hit off a good start. but thinking how you both don’t have a say to this arranged marriage, your feelings towards each other are totally understandable.”

jaehyun pressed the bridge of his nose as he took in his friend’s words. if what johnny said was true, was it right for him to begin holding grudge on you on the first day? you barely knew each other. clearly he knew you hated him, yet if his parents were here and saw the whole thing, they’d ask: why risk the chance of not trying? and again, he remembered he was told, people can change. 

—

throughout dinner, he got to know what your family business was and why it was well-known. he didn’t ask questions, they were just told to him like they were comfortable with it. they weren’t bragging either. perhaps it was due to the fact jaehyun would soon be part of this family that they told him the entire story. 

you didn’t show up during the hour and honestly it got jaehyun feeling so much relief since he wouldn’t have to deal with another useless argument. he disliked wasting time and preferred to do this schedule accordingly, so remembering it only made him rage inside. he was glad he wouldn’t have to deal with you tonight. 

except that relief was shortlived. you had to appear right when he thought of you.

great.

he tried to fix himself in his seat on the sofa by the fireplace, averting his gaze upon you while your mother continuously slapped you light on the arms. you probably finished your bath, given that you still have a towel wrapped around your head and a.. robe.

“y/n! have some courtesy! we have guests!” your mother warned as she gestured in front to cover you, apologising to the new boys. hendery immediately stepped in as well, his eyes shutting to a close and pushing you back to the bottom of the staircase. 

“but mom! i’m hungry and there might not have any cookies left if you keep giving it to them-” you were cut off with hendery’s pats.

he brushed his hair. sighing, he had to shoo you away because you were clearly attracting eyes, definitely not the decent kind. “i have a jar prepared for you m’lady so please.. get dressed!”

you quickly ran up as you were told, mumbling and complaining. jaehyun and his friends were definitely at a loss for words. because not only were you careless, you were oblivious too. 

mark scrunched his nose to start a conversation with jaehyun. “looks like she called you ‘hubby’ too quickly.” he closed his lips to contain his laugh. 

“pfft jae your ears really are honest huh?” johnny pointed at them as he held his chest, fistbumping mark for another win. 

he wasn’t going to tell them that he in fact did find you pretty, and the thing was, he shouldn’t be giving a reaction too soon. “it’s the spicy chocolate cookie!” jaehyun defended.

“huh, i didn’t bake any cookie with those flavour-” hendery pondered, but he stopped since he spotted jaehyun begging to help him here.

“you know that we know if you’re lying right?” the two squinted eyes, putting more pressure to the boy to admit what he felt when he saw you earlier. “bet ya felt something.”

afraid that your family could hear them, jaehyun grabbed their shoulders to huddle them in close. he cleared his throat to catch their attention, yet his friends continued their giggles. “i swear if you both embarrass me in front of the y/f/n’s, consider the days with your precious.. phones.”

“ah c’mon dude. don’t do that. we bought our i12’s together-” mark whined.

“then at least help me out here guys. i have a reputation to hold-” 

“oh for being her hubby?” johnny gave a playful grin and soon was replaced with a nervous smile. “okay i’ll zip it.”

he heard your mother facetiming his mom, voices loud enough for him to know that there would be a huge gathering at christmas eve dinner. great, another one i have to deal with.

jaehyun put down his beanie and crossed his arms to snooze for a bit. he had too much going on in his head the whole day that maybe sleeping it off would let him calm down from all feelings he felt tonight. on the sofa, the weight beside him lowered, the scent of freshly baked cookies along with lavender perfume got him peeking under his beanie. 

it was you, who looked like a squirrel happily munching away with your jar of cookies whilst eyes glued to the television.

he smiled a little to himself. so you can have this cute side-

fragments of sue’s face appeared in his mind. right. he was supposed to be heartbroken. he still was. a week into the breakup had remains to his heart. bothered with sue’s ultimatum and your annoying munches, he grabbed your wrists and out at the veranda.

it pissed him because it seemed like he was the only one who cared about both of your futures or actually would do something to change your families’ minds, where as you were carefree with your cookies. “hey!” you held the jar tight in your arms as you quickly slid your feet into your slippers. “rude! i’m eating!”

the rest of the people in the dining and kitchen area grew voices of woohoo’s, jaehyun’s pupils flared at their cheers. “just come with me for a second!” he hissed, turning the knob and closing the door.

“seriously jaehyun you can’t just ruin my happy time! what do you want-”

he looked in between the curtains from the outside, where he could faintly hear his friends talking the embarrassing things about him— especially how he felt for this arrange marriage. “aren’t you pressured or angry at the situation our parents have put us into?” he leaned against a column. “even my friends are joining the wagon.”

you cackled whilst scrolling your phone. “here i thought you only cared about animals, dr. jeong.” hearing how jaehyun scoffed at your comment, you shoved your device in your pockets. “and yes of course i’m mad! what they decided is so against my will.”

jaehyun stared at you and surprised that he actually felt exactly the same. “really? then let’s make a pact. sounds good?” he offered with arms folded while you still were occupied with your phone. “well?”

“why would i listen to you? as far as i know, we already clashed and hate each other.” you rolled your eyes. “what makes you think i’ll agree?”

he sighed. “y/n, i know you don’t want this, i don’t too. at least there’s something we have in common. i’m just thinking that we have to show them we’re not meant to be together. we both have lives we want to live without the other.”

there was a change in his voice. you could tell he was serious and trying to suggest something he’d want you to agree on. “fine, what’s the pact?” you gave an uninterested tone. probably a bad idea, you thought.

“like you said, ‘clash and hate each other’. we have exactly twenty four days to convince them that you, me, us?” he pointed at his chest then yours. “is impossible. twenty four days, it’s until the night of christmas eve.”

actually that’s not bad at all. “hm, that’s easy since i can’t stand you.” you said, now standing up to face him. “even better if we can do this in less than 24.”

“cool, we have to make our fights as natural as possible. no signals or heads-up. full-on make me angry and i’ll do the same. the more we argue the more they’ll believe there’ll never be an ‘us’.” his voice a bit lively than before. “i want my buds to be fooled into this too. just be realistic and- nghf!”

you shoved a huge cookie into his mouth. “tsk, you’re noisy. i get you so shut up. i agreed with the pact, but i have conditions, okay?”

jaehyun nodded as he chewed angrily with his eyes closed, though the cookies’ taste might’ve simmered down his temper towards you. “ha, then i have conditions too-”

“see you in the morning.” he heard you say as the door slammed with the attached bell ringing his ears. 

now that was one of his conditions; no interrupting while he talks. he sighed seeing you head up the stairs. he sighed. “ugh, i can never marry a girl like her.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

stretching as high as you can, the muscles loosened in every part of your body from riding yesterday. the sun shone its brightest despite the cold weather. you remembered the pact and you knew you would not let a day pass without bothering him. somehow his existence annoyed you to the bone, not even words were enough to explain how you felt. 

at the farthest point your peripheral could reach, you spotted jaehyun peacefully— and actually enjoying— the hammock whilst faintly you heard mark and johnny debating which pronunciation was the correct one. fixing your boots as you walked towards them, the two scurried off to the side, noticing the stomps of your feet getting closer. 

“get up.” you wriggled the hammock, causing it to be lop-sided. 

jaehyun managed to balance himself from the swings. “what the-” his voice hitched. “you’re ruining my relax time!”

you pretended to ponder as you looked up to the sky. “hm, sounds awfully familiar, doesn’t it?” referring to his sudden action towards you the night prior.

“seriously y/n what do you want? i’m in no mood to do work today and i clearly told you last night-” jaehyun fixed his eyes onto your finger that silenced his lips.

jaehyun raised a brow and rolled his eyes. what was your deal? he thought. “condition number one.” you started, bringing your voice down. “starting today you’ll do the work for me and with me. considering you’re taking veterinary science, i’m guessing you know your ways through equine husbandry. so in the coming days you can check the horses’ health while i practice my rounds.”

ah, so that’s what this was about. “uh-huh, but my condition number one is you shouldn’t make me do labour unless you really need it.” jaehyun got off the hammock, chugging his glass of water like it’s one-shot. “it’s the first light, y/n. my service starts in the afternoon.”

“i see. you’re not a morning person.” you checked your nails.

“i so am! but it’s my month long vacation. let me enjoy this before i experience exploitation from you.” he forced a smile that made you want to push him off the veranda.

you walked down the steps and straight to the barn opposite from your house. “it’s either exploitation today or exploitation for the whole month.” you singsonged while you twirled in your stance. hearing him growl meant your tactic worked. “i’ll let you experience the beauty of country side, city boy.”

jaehyun’s brows narrowed as he followed you anyway, later looking back at his friends who were stifling a laugh. “did you just compare me to feces first thing in the morning?”

“did you just boggle up my brain with scientific terms?” you hid a giggle when you heard his friends finally bursting out and losing it. because they too, experienced jaehyun’s sudden blabber of uncommon usage of words, especially conversational-wise. “i made a pun but it seems like you acknowledge the nickname.”

“i did not!” jaehyun pressed his temples. “i may have misheard you but i didn’t acknowledge it! you’re too assuming!”

“mhm sure.. but you are stepping on one though.” you whistled and gestured mark and johnny to the stables.

jaehyun grumbled as he checked the soles of his shoes. indeed he stepped on it and licked his lips in annoyance that it’d be hard to clean it off. the door opened and hendery’s morning face only turned sour at the unsightly view. he tossed another pair of spare boots for him to wear before they both headed to where you all were. 

hendery introduced the things they do here; feed the horses, fix their saddles  repair them if damaged. they were minor things since your family did hire people to do them. and since you and him were professionals in equine sports, he mentioned you both spend all days practicing. 

good, if it was you who toured him around the area, he wouldn’t think lasting a day with your intentions of ruining his mood. though it was part of the pact, it seemed like you enjoyed this a lot more than he expected. hendery brought him to places your family owned, land properties that expanded until the mountains. it’s no wonder you were free to roam around and unafraid of getting lost. 

you made him do a lot. and he was glad he was able to handle, thank heavens. however he didn’t feel much of a challenge from any of them, where you claimed they were ones he couldn’t do. jaehyun lost track of time, the sky was his only companion to tell the hours and probably lost count of the tasks too. all he could remember was the endless bickering, yells and frequent eye rolls. 

in all those, he still let you off the hook— first day of work and all, he has to be patient. and he wasn’t bothered with what you tasked him to do, until his friends stood behind you as you showed them the rest of the horses. 

after you told him to move the bundles of hay he thought was the last, you were currently trying to make mark pet the horses as they were bobbing their heads towards the young man while johnny recorded his reaction. 

“isn’t she all well now.” jaehyun rolled his eyes as he helped hendery lift the infinite bundles. “my friends get the leisure and i have to work?”

hendery laughed as he unbuttoned his collar. “she was told by her mom that you’ll be in her care since you both will get married eventually. plus mrs. y/f/n said it’s a way to get to know y/n too.” he explained, seeing you walk towards them with a hay cart, hands signalling your childhood friend to get some bundles from you. the final bundles were finally fed to the horses, and you skipped your feet to fetch jaehyun.

jaehyun knew you had intentions to make fun of him because the way you walked really pissed him off. so he decided to have his fun too. ”are you that weak you’re unable to carry a small patch? guess my hourly pay needs an increase.” he low-key flexed his muscles. truthfully speaking it was a sight to look at, too bad his attitude didn’t match it.

you rested on one leg while you look at him. he was testing the waters with you, smile slowly resurfacing as you gave even the slightest reaction towards him. oh it’s on. he annoyed you yesterday and would be a lot more in the next coming days. jaehyun leaned forwards that he was towering over you. his body made you feel small but that didn’t stop you from getting back at him.

“the only thing increasing for you is workload.” you hummed, putting back the cart into its place.

he glared at you as if you were dead meat. you ignored him. “i’ve had enough for today. muscles are sore.” hands in his pockets, jaehyun kicked the remains of hay off his shoes before he was stopped by you. “ugh you’re so annoying.” he clicked his tongue. 

“nope, you’re not done until i am. we have to find materials for christmas wreaths at my grandpa’s up north.” you pointed at the mountains as you took hendery’s hands and soon mounted on jet with him.

“oh and i’m supposed to walk there while you’re so relaxed miss bossy?” jaehyun shook his head in disbelief looking at the distance.

“uh yes?” you laughed to yourself. “i don’t think you’ve ever ridden a horse before, but if ever you did, it’s probably at a carnival.”

sudden outbursts of emotions evident on his face now. “was i born under a rock? of course i’ve ridden!” he took the reins given to him by hendery. “and it’s not a carousel!”

for a while he had a certain confidence, his soles stepping on the stirrup and dimples deepening with the strength he gave to put his right leg over. but once that was done and high up off the ground, his heart beat an army per second. cash, hendery’s horse gave loud neigh. jaehyun had done this before as a child and definitely felt like one now. he should be able to handle a 30-minute journey.

jaehyun heard you giggling, perhaps he knew how hideous he looked. despite hendery seated behind you, you led the way for the most part of the ride. you were surprised to see jaehyun have gotten the hang of it. it pissed you a lot because he was vlogging with his phone— sputtering out words to keep the diss battle going. johnny and mark hopped on the available bikes, cycling on your sides, and their laughter rather calmed you than annoy you. 

it pissed you a lot more because you’ve practically ran out of ideas to tell him in return. keeping quiet wasn’t your forte, you were a young woman with plenty of things to say, even more so to jaehyun. going through the woods, you signalled hendery to halt the horse for you and the rest of the boys followed you to gather the materials needed. 

“this shouldn’t be too long to take.” jaehyun looked at the trees towering meters above him, then straight to you who was shaking head in disbelief. “we’re just taking the materials at your grandfather’s and head back, right?”

“did i mention my granddad?” you balanced yourself on large wood log. the tone of your voice started to warm up with bickers you weren’t able to tell him. 

“you did!” jaehyun anticipated this and somehow he didn’t. “now lead the way to his place and we can get the hell out of here.” his eyes grew squints of disgust at his surroundings, as if he hadn’t been into the forest before. his friends went on ahead with hendery around the woods to look for what’s needed.

“nah, we’re picking acorns, pine cones, berries and other leaves by hand. his cottage is just around here but that doesn’t mean the materials are from him. let’s go, whiney.” 

“oh my g-” jaehyun pulled you on the arm and off you went towards him. “y/n i’ve had enough for today and i’m so tired of taking your orders- i’m physically tired of doing things your way and i can’t think straight-”

“pecans?” you said as his eyes crossed to see your palms full of the shelled nuts. “you’re hungry, aren’t you? that’s why you’re so cranky and agitate-y.” placing one but onto a flat rock, you smashed it strong enough for it to crack yet not totally destroying the inside. you popped one into your mouth and gave the most taunting grin jaehyun has seen from you all day. 

he was about to grab the rest of the nuts until you swung your arm that he wasn’t able to reach them. “y/n! give me some!” he yelled and the rest of your friends look at you both after hearing you laugh in the most evil manner.

“never!” you scurried off deeper into the woods. jaehyun rolled his eyes not at how fast you were, but due to how slow he actually was because of the amount of disgust he had.

he knew this would take all day and he didn’t know how long his patience can take for another three weeks with you.

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jaehyun couldn’t describe in words with what he experienced since arriving. if he had to compare with school, it was similar to studying and cramming for hours non-stop. it gotten him mentally exhausted, physically too. but the only difference between being cooping up in his room and doing work outdoors was the continuous nagging from you. 

it was far from quiet. he could handle his mom’s high pitched yells. but you? anything that came from you or done by you made him want to plaster a duck tape on your lips. you were as annoying as a five year old child who looked for someone vulnerable to bully. unfortunately he became your prey because he was in your lands. and though there were times he was able to banter back, he always felt you still had the upper hand.

it was all sunny and good days out in the countryside and jaehyun found that fact the only bright side. he enjoyed it every single morning. yet sometimes good sunny mornings meets its bad, that is, when grey clouds destroyed the beauty of the sky. in this case, it was you. you were far from his dream girl— sue. she was elegant, poised and had a heart of gold. you were the complete opposite who’d rather be rogue and do things your way. other than completing ten christmas wreaths and feeding the horses or more farm work, he couldn’t remember what he did for the past eight days because all that entered his mind was the dictator you. 

but today he felt different, maybe things wouldn’t be as hard than last week. he felt good. he sat at the long dining table with all morning faces exposed. it was currently 7 a.m and your mom have already prepared breakfast. and per usual, you were the only one they waited for before they start the first meal. 

“marg, is your sister still asleep?” your mother put down a large casserole to warm up everyone’s stomach in winter. 

marg only shrugged because for one, she didn’t care, and two, she stated that it wouldn’t be her doing this since jaehyun was marrying you. “oh jaehyun. please do head upstairs to her room and awake y/n up.”

“and why do i have to do this?” jaehyun mumbled to himself and johnny nudged him on the arm. he groaned and got up, his stomps were heavy and unwilling. 

once he was in front of your door, he knocked twice loudly so he wouldn’t have to spend so much time to get you. there was a small tune playing in your room, like it was from a music box. the door was already opened. he peeped through the thin gap, seeing you still sleeping soundly. goodness’ sake, he thought, and entered the room since your mother was asking if he woken you up. 

your room was in fact, neat. all things were organised and arranged. if there was one thing he learned from you other than being an ass, was that you loved stuffed animals. not a hint of dolls or barbies or any toy displayed related to that spectrum. two lines of medals displayed and they all shone in gold. plaques had your names and young portraits of you with smiles of victory. hendery wasn’t lying when he said you were a professional. he wasn’t going to lie— you were impressive despite the little horns coming out of your head.

he stood next to your bed where you were all bundled in a huge blanket. he raised a brow, it was strange for you to have two thick blankets covering you. “hey y/n.”

no response. 

“y/n. wake up, your mom is calling for breakfast and you’re usually the first one seated at the table.” he wriggled your body with the butt of the umbrella and you didn’t budge.

“she baked croissants and aren’t they your favourite? dipped in chocolate ganache and sprinkles?” he tried sounding happy. note that, he tried.

this girl.. he bit the insides of his lips, spotting the markers in a cylinder container and took one to begin drawing on your face. his soft giggles filled your room and the strong scent of markers met your nostrils, waking you from your slumber. 

“what the he- jaehyun?!” you hissed at how close his face was to yours, failed to realising he was done drawing on your morning skin. “get away from me!”

everyone downstairs could hear the both of you, arguing like cats and dogs. each footstep might’ve covered the entire floor above them and the ceiling could give in. 

“you ruined my morning with your ugly face!” “what?! you’re more ugly, ugly!” “you entered my room?! you have no rights!” “breakfast’s ready and your mom asked me to!” “well my nose could’ve smelled mom’s food but i smelled your stinky breath instead!”

“whatever, i finished your share of croissants!” jaehyun quickly head down the staircase.

“you dare eat my food?!” you still had a blanket from head to toe as you followed him down. “no one takes my food!”

“your loss since you’re still in bed you lazy ass!” jaehyun sat beside johnny and continued his meal. “and you were snoring loud too-”

“i did not- agh!” you grumpily sat and immediately eyed the last croissant sitting at the center of the table. all eyes were on you with black ink scribbled on your face. 

there was an awkward silence then you felt jaehyun’s stare at the only food you wanted for breakfast. there was a back and forth battle of stares between you, him and the food. maybe it was the slow reflexes you have in mornings that jaehyun took the bread before you did. he stuck out a tongue as he deliciously ate half of it, chewing slowly just to let you imagine the flavours of sweet silky chocolate. you could feel yourself drooling and the cravings of your stomach rising up to your throat. every chew he did was a stab to your guilty-pleasure heart. 

jaehyun stopped and gave a smug grin. “you wanted this y/n?” his question sounding a song rather than an honest one. “all you have to do is beg.”

you gulped, rolling your eyes. “shut up!” you kicked his knee out of jealousy and savoured the soup instead. 

“ow!” he hissed through a laugh and looked at your mom. “mrs. y/f/n, i’d like to know the recipe for this. do you give lessons?” jaehyun licked the remains of chocolate around his lips, hopefully it was enough to cover up the violence you did under the table.

your mother giggled at his sweet talk. “why learn it from me when you have y/n to teach you?”

you choked on your soup and tear your gaze away from jaehyun to your mother, where she was already enjoying your shocked reaction. “oh give me a private lesson, bulldog terrier.” he propped his chin and mimicked clicks as if he was calling animal.

you quickly touched and rubbed your face to see the ink contaminate your fingers. the spoon reflected the dark circle around your right eye. “oh my g- you! this will be hard to remove!” the fork around your hand pointed directly at him. 

“y/n!” hendery put down your wrists as jaehyun laughed loud. you took the wet wipes marg gave you and whined a little whilst you stood by the mirror behind jaehyun.

“don’t be so bummed out honey.” your mom assured, giving a wink to jaehyun. “it’s a small prank. marg did it to you before.”

checking yourself for the last time at the mirror, you rolled your eyes. “i have enough patience for marg,” with one hand you cupped jaehyun’s lower face from the chin spreading to the cheeks, soon pinching hard on his dimples with a pointer finger and thumb. “but none for the human bread.”

“ow don’t touch me!” jaehyun swifted his head to look at you and he saw you flashed a smile like you were satisfied. 

“a human bread with molds. ew, i lost appetite so i’ll be out for a ride.” you stood up to grab your coat. “see ya ugly.”

“remember to you have to clean the barn house y/n!” your mom called out.

“yeah got that!”

johnny and mark bent their heads down and let their friends suffer from multiple dots on his faces. what made it funnier was that jaehyun munched happily on his meal, hadn’t gotten a single clue. he then eyed you when you passed the window and straight to the stables. “isn’t it too early for practice?” he drank his cup of hot chocolate. 

“she can ride all day. sometimes she doesn’t arrive home and the next morning you see her sleeping in the barn house.” marg tied her hair into a high bun. “the amount of dedication is there, except the passion she used to have isn’t really there anymore- hey!” she glared at hendery who gave her a warning look. 

what was that all about? jaehyun thought while his eyebrows met together and good thing it wasn’t obvious to your family. he was indeed curious, but he’d rather hear it from you than to look like a jerk who wanted to gossip about personal lives. the thing was, it’s you. though majority of the week was him suffering with workload, he liked to bicker with you until you gave up and had nothing to say. 

so far he recorded as 5-11 in terms of owning the other. the latter was his score and he was proud of it.

hendery’s phone vibrated and slid it to jaehyun’s place. jaehyun blinked to adjust his sight to the brightness of the phone. a sigh came out of his lips and the rest of them could tell it was another order from you. “ooh that doesn’t sound good.” mark slurped his soup. 

“it’s not.” jaehyun brushed his hair and hesitation slowly crept his body. “she asked me to clean the upper floor of the barn by the time she arrives.”

—

jaehyun massaged his wrists by twisting them. he looked at the barn house’ entrance because he noticed a figure approaching. you’ve had the best morning after jaehyun ruined it. as you rode, nothing beats the freshness of the cool wind. you love riding through the woods and grasslands. it sets you free from everything keeping you caged. your smile began to falter when you saw jaehyun who was not even halfway close to finishing. “you’re late. your mom had to apologise on your behalf because i’m doing the job for you.”

“ooh thanks! i’ll count on it!” you laid comfortably on a chair.

“hey!”

you leaned against the furniture, arms crossed where he was a floor above and standing at your 2 o’clock view. “dr. jeong it looks like you’re having a hard time. need help?” you stifled a laugh because he still has the ink marks you left on his face.

“on with the assumptions again, aren’t we?” he fixed his gloves and moved wooden planks from one place to another. 

“yeah you make yourself too easy of a target, jaehyun. and i thought you’re the type to not take things seriously.” you tied jet’s reins to a pole.

“you’re forgetting my condition number two, you can only badmouth me if the others are around. now get your flat butt up here and move the tool box aside so i can continue what i’m doing.” he grunted whilst lifting. 

dusting your pants, you were now standing a storey high. the sight of the height below you made you sick. jaehyun nudged your arm and you took the items blocking his way. you sighed and he noticed how fidgety you were. he put up a small smile. his entertainment from you didn’t end at the breakfast table. 

he scooted closer to you, pretending to bump into you with the pile of tall wooden planks in his arms. he heard you hiss, and that was the signal to begin. “oops didn’t see you there shorty.” there was a change in his voice, a more aggressive type of approach. 

“you’re doing that on purpose.” you checked the pained area of your forearm.

“what if i’m not? it could be an honest mistake.” he tilted his head away from the wood to see you.

a held-in soft disbelief laugh came out of your lips. “honesty doesn’t really blend in well with you.” 

jaehyun gasped with arched brows. “wow i’m very offended— you think this face..” he largely gestured himself. “would ever lie?”

“if you want to hear me saying you’re handsome.. it’s not happening.“ you took the rope to hang on a nail. 

“but you did say it.” he singsonged and you could push him off the loft but that could only happen in your head. 

“then that’s an honest mistake.” you flashed a forced smile at him. you carried the boxes stacked upon one another. “if you have a huge ego like that i bet you never dated. no girl would ever date you.” 

jaehyun fell silent, his mood to bash you suddenly changed. the shifts in his steps became heavier and as if he was putting his anger upon them. he didn’t like being reminded of sue, even if you unconsciously did so. “can’t you just keep quiet as you work? do you always have something to say? keep your damn mouth shut if you think all the fun you get is from belittling people.”

“okay sheesh sorry i didn’t know you have a heart for people too.” you removed your helmet to relieve the discomfort from it. 

as time passed— two hours to be exact, the more your guilt begin to seep in you. jaehyun never spoke after that. silence was like death at this point. not a hint of sniffs and sighs from him. did you go too far that he actually chose not to talk anymore? all you thought about was the pact he suggested. what now? anyone could appear any moment. 

this wasn’t like you at all. you hesitated to talk to him and to give the first move to bicker. you stood there staring at him piling boxes after boxes and sweeping the floor where dust accumulated like piles of sand. you bit your lips because screw this, you hated this atmosphere, you hated this silent treatment. “j-jaehyun?” you called out.

nothing. 

“hey-”

“hm? guilt eating you up now?” you froze at his voice as he chuckled. “it has, hasn’t it? look at your face!” he was laughing, his hands holding his ballooning stomach. “y/n you should’ve seen yourself!”

your gaze followed his hands that quickly took his phone placed at one corner. he was recording and your obliviousness blinded you. “oh you have no idea how much i wanted to laugh! my cheeks hurt so bad! hahaha!”

“you’re not using that to blackmail me!” you strided towards him.

he put his arm high as you struggled to reach it. “i might as well do that thanks for the idea!” faintly you heard his friends coming to check as to why their friend had the laughter of the century, only to find you both bickering again like this morning.

“delete that video jaehyun! i mean it!” “not until you agree to clean the loft!” “that’s like telling me to do everything!” “then that’s exactly what i’m telling you to do!”

johnny put up his phone to recording the struggling you and jaehyun enjoying his time to take advantage of his height. “dude i’ve never seen jaehyun this happy since sue broke up with him.”

“yeah his dimples are legit showing it’s scary me.” mark squinted at the two of you.

jaehyun swung his arms to avoid your attempted catches. he scrunched his nose and although that was undeniably cute, you couldn’t afford to feel humiliated for another two weeks. “jaehyun please delete it!”

“it’s not convincing enough you know?” “stop joking around we could fall!” you hissed. “fall?! then stop trying to get my phone!” “then put down your ridiculously long arm!” “yours are just too short!” “i swear— delete the footage!”

“you have to sound like you beg for it—” he cackled and with a few stretches you managed to reach his wrists as you lunged forwards. “oi stop!” that one last reach only made jaehyun lose his balance and fell backwards. 

and all you heard were yells of worry.

to say that you both gladly fell on soft pillows of hay was an understatement. at least that what it looked like to your friends. jaehyun was shocked, his arm felt numb. he took a good look at you and there you were laying on his arm with pale lips. “hey, you okay?” his hands were already out to help you. “y/n—”

“m’lady!” hendery rushed to you, causing jaehyun to flinch at the tone of his voice. he gently took your right arm, but you gritted your teeth and asked him to take the left. “painful?”

“not that serious.” you said, feeling the stares from jaehyun. “ew don’t look at me like that. i’m fine, really. let’s just call it a day.” you gave a small smile and he wasn’t buying it.

because jaehyun saw you clung onto hendery for dear life. 

[aerielz]

Oh please could you do “just take my hand” for j/d?

Last one was so angsty I decided this one would be just straight up post-canon fluff!

The night is cold, but pleasant, and he’s enjoying himself, which is not as much of a rare occurrence as it used to be. Relaxing still doesn't come naturally, and Josh figures perhaps it never will. But he’s learned to push aside the press, and the threats, and the pressure, and congress. It's there, in his pocket, a phone call away. But for now, it is tame.

At this moment all that worries him is the air of amused understanding Toby has about him.

Donna walks ahead of them, almost bouncing on her feet, leading the way across Central Park to some place Josh’s not sure what it is, and Toby watches as her giddy form guides them to… wherever. He keeps glancing between the two of them, something clearly on his mind.

Up until Josh can’t take it anymore.

“What?,” he asks, eyes darting to Donna, mirroring Toby, as some structure starts to become clear.

Toby just shakes his head.

“What?”

“I’m just surprised you’re okay with this.”

Josh shrugs, legitimately confused. “With what?”

“You really don’t know,” Toby lets out a genuine laugh, “Your obliviousness truly is dumbfounding.”

“What the hell are you even talking about?,” he answers, just in time to look up and see what it is that they’ve been approaching all along. “Oh.”

They catch up to Donna at the edge of an ice skating rink, as she’s hooking her thumb over her shoulder to indicate the both of them to the woman behind the counter.

“Oh,” he repeats.

It’s a big and loud place, not packed, by any means, but it is tourist season: there's enough of a crowd inside the rink to lose someone in, and families and couples stand outside, too, just as entertained to watch as the ones inside are to skate. The harsh lights that light up the attraction mark a big spot in the night, making it stand out from a great distance.

It’s an impressive feat that he managed to completely miss it.

“Why did you think we were coming to the Park at this hour?,” Toby asks.

Josh takes a second. Shrugs. “Sightseeing?”

“Without an agenda…? Her?,” he points to Donna.

If she’s offended by the take, she doesn’t let it show. Donna doesn’t even turn around — she just hands the woman in front of her a few bills and thanks her when she motions for them to enter a waiting area.

Toby follows Donna into it, and Josh stays where he is, brow furrowed in a grimace.

He opens his mouth to protest, but closes it immediately.

If he thinks about it, it was rather obvious, wasn’t it? It’s entirely expected that she’d drag them into this along with her — it’s Donna, they’re in New York in the middle of winter and she’s asked him for skis that one Christmas, for crying out loud —, it’s not like it’s a stretch.

If it’s her leading the way, he’ll follow. He doesn’t care where they’re going anymore. But it’s not his blind trust in her that takes him further this time, it’s her excitement about the whole thing. There’s something different about it, something he can’t quite grasp. Josh can understand how he got himself into this position. What he can’t understand is why, when he looks at her, he sees her face light up like Time Square.

She sits down at the bench and takes off her boots to put on the skates with an ease that spells practice, and Josh observes her motions, a tad mesmerized, following suit even if the familiarity in her gestures is something he can't copy. It’s just tying a shoe, but he feels like he’s fumbling.

Donna enters the rink tentatively, but quickly glides away from the edge, gaining an easy confidence in her footing far faster than Josh would think was possible. She’s out a few feet, being soon joined by Toby, before realizing he’s not beside her. She angles her body sideways and skids to a halt, looking back to wait for him.

It's his first mistake, really — having waited for her to look back. He should've just gotten it over with while she was distracted, but, alas, now he has a proper audience.

Josh takes his first steps into the ice with way too much confidence and both his legs decide to go opposite ways, sending his butt to the ground.

Donna’s eyes widen. She tries very hard not to smile.

(And fails.)

“Oh my god, you can’t ice skate,” Donna glides back to the entrance and bends down to help him get on his feet, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You were making it seem easy, I thought it couldn't be that hard."

"You've never done this before?,” Toby says from beside Donna.

Josh shrugs, taking Donna's hand.

"I don’t understand, you're from Connecticut.”

"What, and that’s a requirement, now?,” He has a good grip on Donna's hand, but he can't decide how exactly to stand up. Josh tries putting both his legs under himself, and they won't stay put where he wants them, sliding everywhere no matter what he does, “Jesus, why do people think this is fun?!"

“I don't know, I’m having quite a lot of fun,” Donna teases.

“Yes, but you're a sadist,” he replies.

“She's a masochist, is what she is,” Toby chimes in, taking enough pity on him to help, “Nothing else explains willingly being around you for this long.”

With Toby pulling him by his other hand Josh finally finds enough purchase on the ice to more of less stabilize himself on the blades.

It's a fragile balance. To say the least.

“Oh, god, I’m gonna die,” he all but gasps, tightening his grip on Toby's and Donna's arms, “I’m gonna die or— or— I’ll fall again and then someone’s gonna go over my fingers and. I don’t know, chop them off. Look at these things, they're deadly.”

“They're rentals, they're blunter than Lou on a Friday night at the podium,” Donna remarks.

Josh looks at her, “Bringing Lou into this will not make me feel any safer.”

“What were you doing your entire childhood?,” Toby asks.

“Studying.”

“That’s just sad.”

“Yeah, well, I know that now.”

“It takes a while to get used to it, but it's not that hard,” Donna says, “Just… baby steps.”

Both Donna and Toby let go of Josh and he stays upright, which, as far as the three of them are concerned, looks like progress.

He tries to take a step and his balance fails him, again, having him make a wild grab at whatever’s closest.

He ends up throwing his entire weight on Toby, who says, “Or perhaps just… try to stay upright for a couple minutes, you know, get used to that.”

“Well, you do it, then, if it's so easy.”

“I am doing it, in fact my ability to stay on top of ice skates is the only thing separating you from certain death, right now.”

“Listen—”

“God, you’re both insufferable,” Donna complains.

Josh disengages his grip on Toby’s arm and defiantly leans away, falling to the other side, instead, to the safety of the rails, “—I'll need five minutes tops, you'll see, I'll be skating circles around you—”

“You wanna spend the time we have on ice arguing, fine,” Donna continues, “I'm gonna try something else.”

“—I'm adaptable, it's my whole thing. Tell him, Donna.”

He turns to her for support and it's just in time to see her floating away from them.

The annoyance he feels at the insignificant betrayal doesn't survive watching her as she skates, though.

Most of the people doing rounds around them look clumsy and unsure on the ice, but Donna looks like she’s home. There’s a unique freedom to her movements, a confidence, that looks good on her. She has the turn of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, like she does when she convinces senators to shut up and listen, but it’s lighter, here. She leans her body away from the railing to take a turn and it’s almost like there’s not a single tense muscle on her body, like she’s gliding without any effort.

Josh stays where he is, gripping the guard rail with both his hands, watching dumbly as she does not much else then make a full turn around the rink. When she’s not too far away from where she started, Donna diverts to the center of the ice, where there’s no one and the ice is even. She brings her feet closer together and her arms closer to her chest, which sends her body into a slow spin around its own axis. It’s not fast, but it’s graceful, and she looks focused on her own movements, enjoying each second, purpose behind every move — like when she kisses him, when she unbuttons his shirt, when she’s drawing her own name out of his lips.

The comparison is a little out of place, and makes him blush, but the truth is that Josh knows her joy like he knows his own. Both are, after all, intimately connected. So as he watches Donna’s happiness from afar, he lets himself feel it, too.

His mouth hangs open, when she comes closer to where he is with Toby.

"How did you—” he says, a dumb smile on his face, “How come I didn’t know you could do that?”

He sounds giddy, almost innocent in his laughter. Donna’s cheeks burn red with the effort and the effect of his gaze.

She shrugs, and turns around to face him, ”You never asked.”

“I’ve known you for eleven years. We’ve been married for two of those, how come I didn’t know you can figure skate, this is ridiculous.”

“I can’t figure skate, Josh, it's just really basic stuff.”

“You should’ve shown me this when we met, I’d have married you on the spot.”

“Would’ve shaved off six months tops,” Toby chimes in.

“I’m serious.”

“We work every waking hour, Josh, not a lot of skate rinks open at three in the morning in DC.”

“We met in New Hampshire, there’d have been a lake. Or. Something.”

“Honey.”

“I’m sorry, I’m... processing.”

“It’s not anything impressive.”

“From where I’m standing it looks pretty fucking impressive.”

“Can't believe I'm saying this,” Toby says, “But I'm with Josh in this one.”

“You're not helping, Toby. C'mon, it's really easy,” she extends Josh a hand, “I’ll show you.”

“No, I,” Josh gives her a nervous laugh, “I think I’m fine here.”

“Come on,” she insists, “Take my hand.”

He’s curious enough to consider, but, still… “You really think that’s a good idea?”

“You wanted to be a ballerina, there has to be some sort of body awareness in you.”

“You do know I never took a single ballet class, right.”

“Just take my hand,” she insists, “You’re gonna be fine.”

“Yes, take her hand, Josh,” Toby says, and his is the face of a man who knows he's about to have an inordinate amount of fun at the expense of someone else. “You're going to be absolutely fine.”

Josh gives him a look, to which Toby's smile just widens.

That silent and childish challenge is more than enough to convince Josh to actually do it. He takes a deep breath and leans away from the railing, taking both of Donna's hands, one in each of his.

“Oh, god.”

Donna brings him closer to her and grips him at the elbows, so they're more safely linked. She sinks the brakes in the ice and pushes back and takes him with her when she slides back.

“Oh, god. Oh, God, Oh god,” Josh keeps saying.

“You’re stiff as a plank, you’re gonna break something,” she says, laughing.

“Oh, God, I’m gonna break something.”

“No — oh my god — here, just—,” Donna takes one of her hands away from his elbow.

“Donna—”

“Shh, just calm down. Look here, look at me,” she says, gently laying her hand over his cheek, “Josh?”

He looks up, locking his eyes to hers.

“Just keep looking at me, okay?”

He nods, a bit frantic.

“Just relax, honey,” she says, moving her thumb over his skin.

It’s like each stroke removes something from him, something that should never have been there in the first place. The tension in his jaw instantly vanishes. He breathes a little slower.

Donna smiles, her eyes still on his, and slides her hand down, over his neck. He releases the tightness there, too.

They’ve been here before, they both have this program down pat.

When he had panic attacks in the middle of the night, a decade ago, she’d calm him down like this. She couldn’t call him honey back then, and he didn’t know she tasted just as sweet, but the routine is the same. It's Donna gliding her fingers over his skin, giving him something to focus on, taking him out of his head.

Following this practiced dance of their own creation, Donna’s hand slide down again to his chest, his heart right below her palm under layers of clothing. Josh’s entire upper body relaxes.

Less rigid, he feels less like he’s about to topple over. He can focus on the cutting winter wind on his face instead, then; and this nice sensation under his feet that's almost like floating, which is the closest he'll ever be to flying.

It's a clumsy taste of a freedom she knows a lot better than him, yes. But a taste of it, regardless.

He feels more stable, more confident, and she notices it.

Josh is not paying attention to it enough to know how she does it, but whatever it is, it sends them both spinning, like she did before. It feels good. He can almost pretend he knows what he’s doing. Josh laughs, and he's not sure why, or where it came from, but he knows it's the right thing to be doing right now.

Snow starts to fall over them, showering them in white very lightly; very slowly. Flakes dust Donna’s hair and the harsh white lights of the rink hit her from behind and cast a halo around her frame — she looks downright angelical, it’s absolutely ludicrous. He can't stop smiling.

When they come to a halt, Josh pulls her closer, touching his forehead to hers.

He thought the ridiculous part of being in love with her had been over years ago. So naive of him.

“Not so bad, huh?,” she whispers.

Her nose is cold when he kisses it. Her lips too. He lingers, her face touching his, and feels the space between them warming up.

“You’re both disgusting.” Toby screams from not very far.

Donna kisses him, this time, and he takes her bottom lip between his. There's nothing else beside the feeling of her, then, that tentative way Donnatella Moss— not being a fan of this sort of public display of affection — nibbles at his own lips, as if she doesn't have his ring around her finger.

Josh never feels his phone vibrating in the pocket of his coat. Not then, and not five minutes later when it rings again.

He’ll only remember it exists after he takes it out of his pocket when they're back in Toby’s guest room. Donna is pulling a fluffy, horrid, Christmas sweater over her tank top when he notices the screen cracked beyond repair.

“That wasn't like that this morning, was it?,” she asks, noticing it too.

“Yeah, no. I think repeatedly falling on my butt this evening has something to do with it, though.”

“There has to be some place that can get it fixed, we can ask Toby.”

He thumbs the glass and watches the mess of lines and lights flicker under the pressure. There's nothing recognizable coming through.

He shrugs. “You know how the Secret Service is with these things.”

Donna comes behind him to put her arms around his midriff, watching him play with the useless cellphone over his shoulder.

“What if it's some sort of national emergency?,” she asks.

“Sam would've called you and asked for me,” he says, “Or just let you solve it. God knows by now everyone knows you can do this better than me.”

“Damn right I do,” she plays along, kissing the nape of his neck and getting a hum of appreciation out of him, “But, seriously, honey—”

“It's our weekend off,” Josh says, turning around to pull her into his arms properly, “I have other priorities.”

He can tell she's trying to hide her relief, but Donna melts against him, a little, and a smile tug at the corner of her lips as she rests both her hands against his chest. He can still feel the lightness of watching her do spirals or swizzles or whatever-the-hell-those-were-called — can still taste that freedom he found in her smile.

(A couple of years in, but they’re both still getting used to this. To the enormity of this thing they do, and the things they’re building together, which, somehow, feel bigger.)

“I'll get it fixed when we come back home,” he tells her. Donna nods, fits herself in his embrace. “And then we'll find you some skates, and a rink, and you'll show me exactly what it is that you've been hiding from me all these years.”

[lovelylogans]

the danes family christmas

or: the danes-sanders-prince-tamura-cabrera-key-bowes christmas. but danes family christmas flows a bit easier, doesn’t it?

part of the wyliwf verse.

warnings: food mentions, mentions of divorce, mentions of sickness, alcohol consumption, please let me know if i’ve missed any!

pairings: patton/virgil, logan/roman

word count: 5,876

notes: hi! this is just a quick little fic. happy christmas, a belated happy hanukkah, and a happy early kwanzaa! if you don’t celebrate any of those, then happy friday! this is essentially a “where are they now” snapshot of the danes family, who were all introduced in last year’s christmas fic. i hope you enjoy!

⁂

it starts when virgil hangs up the phone at the diner—the landline against the wall right by the entry to the kitchen, not his cellphone—looking strangely happy. and, considering there were only ever two kinds of phone calls that phone received, one of which being business calls—

“mom or dad?” patton asks, as he sits at the counter.

“my mom,” virgil says. “freddie finally got the flights finalized, they’re coming for christmas.”

patton claps in excitement. “that’s great!”

“so that’s everyone,” virgil says brightly. “all five of us, plus spouses and partners and kids, ‘cept—”

and then he stops himself, tilts his head, and asks, “hey, what are your christmas plans?”

⁂

and so it begins—patton negotiates them out of attending any sanders’ christmas celebrations, in exchange promising to bring himself and logan and the new beaus (as his mother had called them) to a cocktail get-together on new year’s eve. 

and then virgil had caught on to the fact them all leaving would leave roman and isadora as the only ones in their little cobbled-together family in sideshire for christmas, and freddie had, too, and immediately gotten on the phone to beg isadora to come along, so that meant crafting an elaborate plan for a road trip on christmas after the matinee christmas morning performance of the nutcracker, which is where they are now: all five of them in virgil’s car, suitcases packed away in the trunk, on their way down to the elder danes’ family home.

oh, and in the middle of all these preparations, not one but two romantic unions were formed, so. it’s been a bit of a busy couple of months.

“okay,” roman says, from where he’s stuffed in the middle seat between logan and his mom, virgil driving and patton attempting to play at navigator, “run me through the entire family tree again, it’s been a minute since i’ve seen everyone.”

so logan opens his phone, scrolls for a little bit, then clicks on a photo they must have taken the last time they were all together in a big group, and zooms in before he hands the phone over to roman to hold. roman’s mom peers over his shoulder.

“so, we’ll start with the danes’,” logan says, and taps each of their faces as he goes—”meredith, mark, wyatt, esther, silas, winifred, and of course, virgil.”

“right.”

he then proceeds to tap the woman and man flanking wyatt. “adam bowes and alexandria cabrera, but she goes by lexa—”

isadora tilts her head at lexa. “i remember her. isn’t she colombian?”

“her parents immigrated from ecuador,” virgil corrects, “but she studied abroad for a bit in colombia, so you’re probably remembering that.”

“—they’re wyatt’s partners,” logan continues, and points to the children in front of them. “nicola’s oldest, she’s fourteen. then there’s wesley, who goes by wes, he’s twelve. is their dad going to be there?” he asks virgil.

“no, he’s off with his girlfriend,” virgil says, and scowls a little. patton thinks he's clearly about to say good riddance—he isn’t particularly a fan of lexa’s first husband. none of the adults are, really, but none of them ever breathed a word about it in front of the kids.

“all right, so i don’t have to find a picture of him,” logan says. “then there’s elizabeth who goes by ellie, eight, and abigail who goes by abby, five.”

roman mumbles names under his breath, tapping each of their photos, before he adjusts the picture. “right. so, essie.”

“you know annabelle, her wife,” logan says, pointing to the black woman with her arm slung over essie’s shoulders. “they were foster parents for a time, so they adopted michael who goes by mike or mikey, he’s twelve, and his sister sophia. she’s seven. and they also adopted theodore who goes by teddy, he’s eight—”

“—nine,” virgil corrects, “his birthday was last month—”

“right, he’s nine, they adopted him three years ago.”

more repetition of names to himself, and then roman adjusts the photo.

“silas,” he prompts.

“his wife, moira,” logan says, pointing to the redhead beside him. “and the twins, emma and devon, they’re ten.”

“they just had a baby in august, too,” virgil says. “meredith junior, but they’re calling her red, for now, so that no one confuses her and my mom. you can guess why, it’s pretty obvious she’s taking after moira already. it’ll be easy to spot her, she’s the only baby.”

“and freddie,” isadora says, craning her neck to look at the photo. “how long has it been since she’s come back for christmas?”

“at least a couple years just for christmas, but she’s visited a couple times,” virgil says. “still, it’ll be nice to see her and ryu and the kids.”

“akira who goes by kira, and nikko,” logan provides for roman. “they’re twins, age six. and sayuri, but she goes by lily sometimes—”

“how’d that happen?” roman says, looking to virgil for help.

“sayuri means ‘lily,’” virgil says. “‘little lily,’ i think, but i can’t remember the exact translation. she’s three.”

“and—where do they live?” roman says.

“tokyo,” patton says, twisting to look at virgil. “they moved last year, didn’t they?”

“that’s right,” virgil confirms. “they lived in kyoto for a while, but freddie got a pretty good job offer, so. tokyo it is.”

“and then there’s us,” logan says. “i assume you don’t need a photo, name, or age breakdown for any of us.”

roman snorts, and says, “no, i guess i not.” he blows out a breath, before he scrolls back over, and says, “right, okay. remind me what everyone’s jobs are?”

and so the rest of the car ride passes, recalling the last times they’ve all seen various members of the danes family and passing on stories of visits past.

it’s about to be a marathon of a christmas.

⁂

by the time they’re pulling up to the danes’ house—windows down, because the elder danes’ live in a much warmer state and everyone seemed to have a simultaneous, unspoken agreement on the need to thaw from the brutally cold and snowy winter they’d been having so far—virgil’s leg is bouncing in excitement, and patton reaches across to put a hand on virgil’s, smiling at him.

“are we the last ones getting here?” he asks.

virgil nods his head. “miraculously, even wyatt and adam’s weird hours have lucked out, but adam’s exact words were don’t hold your breath—”

“of course, of course,” patton murmurs, because he probably should have guessed the orthopedic surgeon and the spinal surgeon would have some funky hours.

“—but i think everyone should be here? at least i didn’t hear that they got delayed, so.”

“please tell me we’re almost there,” roman groans.

“we’ll get there when we get there!” virgil and patton say simultaneously, and they both laugh at each other quoting the incredibles as roman groans louder.

patton’s glad to have the brief distraction of a pixar reference; as they’ve gotten nearer and nearer to the danes’ house, he’s felt a knot in his stomach grow bigger and bigger.

he’s been spending holidays with the danes’ since logan was born, usually seeing at least one of them once a year—christmases, easters, family get togethers, he and logan have tagged along for years and years. 

he has a feeling that virgil and his parents would argue with the phrasing of tagged along, but he can’t help it—even if he knows he’s uncle patton to all the kids, and he knows logan refers to all the various danes progeny as his cousins, and he knows he and logan have long since received the food-based nicknames everyone in the family receives upon being born in and growing up in the family and at marriage, but—

well. he can’t help it, sometimes.

but now, he isn’t just tagging along. he’s the latest romantic partner in the family. he has started dating their youngest son, their baby brother, their beloved bachelor uncle. 

he can’t help but wonder if it’ll be like an entirely new dynamic. because he’s seen the way the latest romantic partners are introduced—he’s long since gotten used to the danes’ fond squabbling with each other, but it turns into a whole new level of teasing when they bring along a date.

“we are,” logan says, and points. “there it is.”

virgil examines the number of cars—he probably should have expected the full driveway—and pulls over to park on the side of the road, roman immediately demanding that either logan or his mother get out of the car right now or else he will crawl over them—

virgil and patton’s eyes meet, and patton smiles at him before they both turn to open their own car doors, roman getting out of the car hot on logan’s heels.

and then the danes’ front door opens, light spilling onto the lawn, and children barrel out of the house, almost all of them yelling at the top of their lungs, and virgil says “oof!” as he’s plowed into by three little girls, clinging at his legs, and virgil immediately swings the nearest up into his arms.

“oh, hello, everyone!” virgil says, beaming, looking years younger as ellie clings to his neck, and patton grins at him even as abby notices he has a free set of arms and immediately demands a hug, and patton can’t help but oblige, lifting her up onto his hip, distantly pleased that he still can carry her, because goodness, she’s gotten so tall!

“girls!” someone at the door calls, and patton looks up at lexa in the doorway with a grin. “let your uncles get inside before you tackle them, please!”

“aw, mom!” ellie grumbles, even as virgil’s setting her down and grinning apologetically at lexa, a hand resting on sophia’s hair.

“sorry, lex!” virgil calls, and pats ellie on the shoulder, murmuring something quietly to ellie and sophia ear that makes them both grin, brown eyes sparkling; patton follows his lead, setting abby down.

“uncle patty—” she begins to whine.

“i know, i know,” he says, crouching down to tug lightly at her braided dirty blonde hair, to make her giggle. “but, tell you what. if you listen to your mom, how about you and me sneak some cookies from your grandma, huh?”

abby brightens, and immediately rushes off, right on her sister’s and cousin’s heels. 

“do you need any help?” adam says, his head popping out from behind lexa.

“no, we’re all right, thanks!” roman calls, isadora already shutting the trunk, all of their bags unloaded and just waiting to be carried inside—patton doubles back for his, but virgil’s already swinging his bag over his shoulder before patton can do anything about it.

“i could—” patton begins, but virgil leans down and kisses him before he can say anything about it. virgil grins even wider when patton just blinks at him, half-forgetting what he was saying.

“i got it,” virgil says reassuringly, “honestly, we’re gonna need someone to open the door, so,” and patton huffs.

“fine,” he grumbles, pretending to be put out, as the part of him that was raised with things like gentlemen should open the door for you, and carry things that are heavy, and care for you in general is sending butterflies fluttering in his tummy. because, one, virgil is being a gentleman, but also, patton has an opportunity to be a gentleman.

the things that give him gender euphoria are so weird, honestly.

but patton trots ahead and opens the door for virgil (and his son, and isadora, and roman) and is nearly bowled over by a wave of noise.

the sound of about twenty-four people all calling hello to their brother slash in-law and his weird little accrued pool of family all calling their hellos back tends to do that, patton guesses.

but once everyone’s funneled their way through the door, patton tries to close it; before he’s even fully shut the door behind them, though, abby’s clinging to his leg, grinning up at him.

“cookies now?” she asks.

patton tousles her hair. “gotta set up our alibi, squirt. we’re doing this secretly. it’s a mission.”

abby’s eyes brighten. “like spies?”

“exactly like spies,” patton says, in a hushed tone as if he’s being very quiet and secretive, as if he isn’t fully aware that her mother is keeping an eye on them and folding her lip under her teeth to keep from laughing, even as she’s hugging virgil hello.

abby scuttles off, though, as one of her other parents approaches to give patton a friendly, one-armed hug, seeming to fear the potential of revealing their secret mission.

“hey, patton,” adam says easily. “good to see you’re recovered from the pneumonia, congrats on romancing virgil,” patton blinks rapidly and attempts to come up with a response to that, but adam’s already continuing, “and try to keep her from taking too many, yeah? she’s already been spoiled rotten by her gramps today.”

“can do,” patton says, and so begins the shuffle around the room of saying hello to everyone; the kids are all in one section, already, seemingly preoccupied by various board games, but nicola’s unfolded herself from the group to go up to logan already; the pair of them are closest in age, and they’re also quite the pair of brainiacs, so they’ve been close ever since lexa and the kids came to the first family gathering years ago.

“i despise operator algebra,” she’s telling him.

“well, good thing you aren’t planning on going into quantum field theory, then,” logan responds, and patton loses the plot of that conversation because he’s nearly bumped off his feet.

“sorry!” freddie squeaks, red high in her pale cheeks and a glass of meredith’s near-lethal spiked eggnog in her hand; he suspects it to be the culprit for any uncharacteristic clumsiness and he pulls her into a hug even as he’s laughing out forgiveness.

“heard about you and virgil,” freddie says, “finally.”

“oh—um,” patton stammers, trying his hardest not to blush.

“thrilled to have you, really,” freddie says, bumping into him again, this time purposefully. “and, hey! heard you got sick, you’re all better now, right?”

“right,” he says, then, curiously, “um, how was the trip?” 

“have you ever had to handle six-year-old twins on a trans-pacific trip?” she says, and patton winces in sympathy; as polite as the twins are, being raised with the japanese code of etiquette, they are still freddie’s kids, and therefore also incredibly rambunctious.

“my condolences,” patton tells her, then, to her husband who’s hovering silently over her shoulder, he attempts to get his way through saying long time no see in japanese to ryu, who’s been trying to teach them all conversational bits of japanese for years (mostly because they’d all insisted; they did the same to lexa, too. meredith’s parents had learned to greet mark’s family in their native italian, so it had become something of a family tradition to learn at least a little of the language of their spouse.)

“ohisashiburi desu,” ryu enunciates for him, and patton groans. 

“i thought i had it this time!”

“you were close,” ryu says, which patton thinks is mostly out of politeness, but he’ll accept it anyways. “sayuri, say hello!”

he glances down, then, in time to notice a three-year-old clinging to ryu’s pantleg, just barely peeking out from behind him, the most visible thing being her near-black eyes, shiny and wide.

sayuri ducks out from behind ryu to bow to patton.

“and hello to you too!” patton says, keeping his voice as soft and friendly as he can.

sayuri looks up at ryu, who nods in approval, murmuring something to her in japanese, and she scampers back behind him, clinging once again to his pant leg.

“sorry,” freddie says, not sounding very sorry at all. “lily’s the shy one.”

“oh, it’s all right,” patton says. “it must have been a big day for her, traveling and seeing everyone again and all.”

“that it is,” freddie says, then, to ryu, “d’you think she needs a nap?”

patton takes that as his cue to resume greeting everyone else; he ducks briefly into the kitchen (where abby is, very unsubtly, eyeing the platter of cookies on the counter) and can’t help but coo at the sight that greets him.

“aw, hello,” he murmurs. 

moira, her red hair pulled back into a ponytail and a smidge frizzy, looking haggard in a way that only parents to babies ever seem to look, smiles up at him. “hi, patton.”

“hi, patton,” silas echoes awkwardly, from where he’s washing dishes at the sink.

“hi, silas, hi moira,” he says; usually, he’d be all caught up in the amount of fondness he has for moira, distinctly unbalanced in comparison to his relationship with silas, which is still a touch thorny, even after all this time, but, well. there’s a new member of the family to introduce himself to. 

“this must be meredith junior!”

meredith junior is preoccupied with drinking from a bottle, and does not respond to him, her eyes half-lidded and sleepy.

“that she is,” moira says proudly. 

“oh, she’s beautiful,” patton says warmly, looking at her and feeling all warm and happy because Baby Feelings, and it reminds him of logan when he was at that age; meredith junior (red, he remembers virgil saying) is also a small baby, like logan was, her hair downy and just as red as her mother’s. 

moira smiles at her. “yeah, she is. you wanna hold her later?”

“later,” patton repeats, putting up his hands. “i know how important feeding time is. i was just ducking in to say hi, get a drink,” he directs a wink at abby, who attempts to wink back at him, but she hasn’t really gotten the hang of that yet and so she just blinks at him with extra emphasis.

“eggnog’s in the fridge,” silas mutters. “solo cups should have a sharpie next to it, for names.”

“thanks, silas,” patton says, and ducks around him; he ends up pouring himself a bit of cranberry punch, instead, and obligingly writes PATTON on his cup in large letters. then, with a level of slightly overexaggerated sneakiness that goes unnoticed by moira, preoccupied with the baby, and silas, preoccupied with the dishes, patton snatches a stack of ginger snaps, which are just as good now as they were sixteen years ago. abby jumps up and down, pressing her hands over her mouth to keep from making any noise. 

“well, i’m out of your hair.”

“we’re talking later!” moira calls after him, “i’m thrilled, i want to hear all about you and virgil!”

patton tries his very hardest not to blush, and ducks out of the kitchen instead. he splits the cookies in half, handing the other half to abby.

“thanks, uncle patty!”

“you’re welcome,” patton says. “hey, go give one to your sister, okay?”

“okay!” she says, and speeds off across the room. patton spies her handing a cookie to ellie and briefly tugging at nicola’s jeans to get her attention, giving her one too, and patton smiles after her, before he turns to scan the rest of the room for people he hasn’t said hi to yet.

he is immediately face-to-face with essie and annabelle, who beam at him in unison.

“patton!”

“annabelle, essie!” patton says, hugging the pair of them. “it’s great to see you!”

“great to see you too!” essie says. “we’ll have to get together sometime soon, you and virgil and us—”

“—we can do a double-date!” annabelle adds excitedly.

“—we can come to you, or you can catch the train down to us,” essie continues. 

“oh—” patton says, a little flustered. “um—good! that’s good! that sounds—”

“good?” annabelle says, grinning, clearly very close to laughing at him.

looking for something in the room to change the subject, he glances around and notices, for the first time, two missing members of the family.

“where’s mark and meredith?”

“oh, mom ran out to the corner store for something, i think dad’s on the porch showing off the grill he got for the neighbors,” essie says dismissively, before she reaches over to squeeze his arm. “seriously. so thrilled for the pair of you, we have to do dinner soon.”

“sounds good,” patton says honestly, because it does; getting together with the pair of them, plus mikey, teddy, and sophia, sounds really good.

“i’m gonna go say hi to the kids,” he adds.

“okay!” essie says.

“we’ll catch up later,” annabelle says. it only sounds a little bit like a threat.

he doesn’t even really need to step too far to encounter the kids corner.

“hi, kids!” he says.

“hi, uncle patton,” the kids all drone, not tearing their eyes away; it seems the other board games have fallen to the wayside, the lot of them watching what seems to be the main event with bated breath.

“hello, patton,” wyatt echoes serenely, a pair of tweezers in hand as he observes the operation board. “i congratulate your immune system on its strength in overcoming the pneumococcal pneumonia, and i congratulate you on entering courtship with my brother.”

patton fails, this time, in trying not to blush, which probably wouldn’t be seen by any of the kids, anyways—“c’mon, uncle wyatt!” teddy urges from the sidelines—and wyatt flawlessly maneuvers the tweezers, and very slowly, very carefully, removes the wishbone without bumping any of the walls, and half the kids groan.

“i should have known better than to start this,” wes mutters under his breath, accepting the tweezers from his stepfather. “hi, uncle patton.”

“hiya, wes,” patton says, amused; at least once a year, someone challenged either of the surgeons in the family to a game of operation, and it always ended up with a crowd gathered around like this. “doing okay so far?”

“i’ve buzzed twice,” wes sighs, and squints at the card. “oh, great. i’ve got the funny bone. okay—”

he readjusts his grip, and patton takes a few steps back, so as to not distract him any more than he needs to be distracted, taking a second to look in on nicola and logan—who are deep into conversation about something called hermitian adjoint with excited expressions on their faces, and roman looks as confused as patton feels—before someone taps him on the shoulder.

“doing okay?”

patton turns to smile up at virgil.

“doing fine,” he promises, and sets his cup down on the nearest surface so he can reach out to correct virgil’s collar. “have you said hi to everyone?”

“yeah, just about,” virgil says, then, “um, they haven’t said anything to you about—?”

“oh, y’know,” patton says with a jerk of his head. “moira says she’s thrilled, essie wants to get all together for dinner, freddie said finally, wyatt congratulated the strength of my immune system and my success in courting you, et cetera, et cetera.”

virgil snorts, ducking his head and rubbing sheepishly at the nape of his neck. “guess i probably should’ve warned you ‘bout that, huh?”

“nah, i knew it’d probably happen,” he teases. “you’re forgetting i was at dinner when freddie brought the news of her elopement and the brand-new husband none of us had ever heard of before.”

“still can’t believe she did that,” virgil says with a disbelieving shake of his head.

patton laughs a little, too, before he says, “i was expecting it a little, i guess—i mean, you’ve got four older siblings, i was a little nervous there’d probably be a bit of hazing to go through, now that i’m a boyfriend.”

“you didn’t mention that,” virgil says with a frown. “i can tell them to lay off, if you—”

patton waves him off, even as he still feels the tight knot in his stomach.

“it’s okay,” he says, and it is okay, it’s just nerve-wracking, “i’ve gotten through the first of it, it’s okay. just, y’know. i’m a little nervous to talk to your parents, i guess.”

“they love you,” virgil says immediately. “they’re delighted about this, i promise, they told me so.”

“virge?”

“yeah?” he asks, a protective expression still on his face. patton takes both his hands in his own, looking up at him with a very serious expression on his face.

“remember your siblings teasing me when you have to sit through an emily-and-richard dinner,” he says, “and then we can say we’re nearly even.”

virgil’s lip quirks up. “nearly?”

“well,” patton says, “you’re probably gonna have to go to a few friday night dinners, so i’m definitely gonna owe you for that more than you owe me for this.”

virgil grimaces at the mention of friday night dinners looming in his future like the ghost of christmas yet to come.

“think happy thoughts?” patton offers, with an apologetic grin on his face.

“what thought is happy enough to get me through that?”

patton pretends to think about it, tilting his head back and forth, before he offers in a faux-innocent tone, “egging their car on easter?”

a slightly goofy grin breaks out on virgil’s face, and patton laughs at the sight of it. 

“well, if i must,” virgil says. “might even have to refresh that memory with a repeat performance.”

“don’t you dare,” patton says, in a tone entirely too sappy for what he’s saying.

“or what?” virgil says, grinning down at him, and he’s so stinkin’ cute that patton can’t help but rise onto his tippy toes to kiss the grin right off his face.

their lips barely brush before the hollering starts—there’s a wolf-whistle in there somewhere, but mostly things along the line of “EW, uncle VIRGIL, kissing is GROSS,” and “hey, hey, hands off my baby brother!”—and patton breaks away from virgil with a nervous giggle, blushing, fully aware that if most of the people in the room weren’t looking at him before, they certainly were now. patton finds himself unable to meet anyone’s eyes.

“oh, c’mon,” freddie says, grinning, sayuri in her arms and looking quite close to nodding off to sleep, “it’s about time, now that they’re dating.”

“finally,” essie adds, not quite under her breath, then—

“wait.”

patton turns, then, to where the kids have gathered in the corner; mikey, essie and annabelle’s oldest son, is staring at them with large brown eyes.

“wait,” mikey repeats, “what do you mean, now they’re dating?”

“you weren’t dating before?” his brother teddy says, sounding equal parts confused and indignant.

“no, we weren’t dating before,” virgil says. “but we—we are. now. so.”

teddy still looks puzzled.

“well, we loved each other for a very long time,” patton explains, because for as smart as all the kids are, teddy is nine years old, and therefore not quite fully aware of the complexities of adult relationships, “and we told each other that recently. so. now we’re dating, but we’ve loved each other for much longer.”

“well, that’s okay then,” teddy decides, and patton can’t help but snort.

anyone still staring at the pair of them gets distracted by the sound of a door stuck in its lock, before it suddenly bursts open, bringing with it a rush of warm outdoor air and the clunking of a cane hitting the hardwood.

“damn door keeps sticking,” mark grumbles under his breath, looking up and taking a moment to scan the room before his eyes brighten. “virgil! when did you sneak in, bunny?”

meredith pokes her head around his shoulder, eyes bright; she's carrying a shopping bag in one arm that emma and devon, silas' girls, scuttle up and take off her hands, ferrying it to the kitchen for her.

"ten or so minutes ago," virgil says, crossing the room, grinning; unspoken, both patton and logan fall into step behind virgil, approaching the danes family patriarch and matriarch together.

mark is already pulling his youngest son into a hug, squeezing virgil tight, and patton can't help but smile at the way virgil grips his father just as tightly; mark's had a bit of trouble with his health over the past couple years—primarily struggling with his knee, which had been replaced a month before thanksgiving this year—and patton knows it had scared him, at the time, and it made him all the more appreciative of the time he gets to spend with his father. 

"good to see you, son," mark says warmly, patting virgil's back roughly a couple times for emphasis.

"snap," meredith says warmly, and patton grins—the ginger snaps he ate his weight in at the first danes christmas celebrations he'd ever attended have become his nickname namesake—before he approaches and pulls her into a hug.

"welcome," meredith says, pulling away, her blue eyes sparkling with mischief. "and congratulations are in order, aren't they?"

patton flushes, but before she can tease him anymore, mark's eyes land on logan.

"god, look at you!" mark says. "you're tall! how much have you grown? a foot? more? what on earth are you feeding him, virgil?" mark asks, turning to him, and virgil puts his hands up, smirking.

"i think i've grown four and a half inches, since the last time i saw you," logan says, before he steps forward and hugs mark, adding quietly, "it's good to see you, nonno."

patton's smile widens at that. emily and richard have always been grandma and grandpa, to logan, and maria, the previous manager at the inn who had taken in patton and logan, has been nana, but mark and meredith have always been nonno and nonna; grandpa and grandma in italian, where mark's family had emigrated from before mark was born.

"and it's good to see you, jammy," mark says, equally warmly, before he draws back, making eye contact with logan, and not having to tilt his head downwards anymore; they're almost on the same level now. "goodness. it'll take some time to get used to that. hit your growth spurt with a vengeance then, just like your dad—"

and then mark's eyes fall to patton, and patton smiles a little nervously, twisting his fingers together.

"hi, mark."

something in mark's eyes go soft, and he steps forward to hug patton just as tightly as he had hugged virgil and logan, to hold patton just as close, and patton isn't sure why his eyes are suddenly stinging, but they are, and he squeezes them shut and takes in a deep breath as he hugs mark back.

"we're overjoyed," mark says quietly, and draws back to look at patton, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes growing more pronounced with his smile. "oh, patton, we're so thrilled for the pair of you, truly we are. you've always been part of the family, but now—well," he says, and looks between virgil and patton.

"the pair of you, making each other happy," meredith says. "it's everything a mother could want for her boys."

patton struggles to swallow, and he can only smile guilelessly at them both as he waits for the lump in his throat to pass.

"now, we heard about your health scare after thanksgiving," mark says, frowning. "you're too young for such things. you're all better now, aren't you? all fixed up?"

"doctor says i am a-okay," patton manages to croak out.

"wonderful," meredith says, "and no more of any of that."

"you should remain hale and hearty, or else," mark adds, finishing her sentence; they've been married for so long, it's almost like they've become symbiotic.

"or else what?" patton says, achieving something close to his normal tone and not sounding like he's about to cry tears of happiness anymore.

"or else i'll set my wife on you," he says, before he claps logan on the back. "now, i hear that you have brought your boyfriend to meet the family!"

"you've met," logan says, beginning to blush, but he goes to get roman anyways; nicola coos "oooh," after the pair of them with all the teasing in her tone that one would expect from a younger cousin.

roman holds logan's hand as they approach.

"sir, ma'am," roman says respectfully, the picture of a proper young man; isadora looks on approvingly from where she's holed up in a corner with ryu, freddie, and a now-sleeping sayuri.

"this is roman prince, nonna, nonno," logan says, squeezing roman's hand tight and leaning into his side. "i love him very much."

mark's smile goes even softer at that; patton leans his head on virgil's shoulder, his cheeks aching.

"aw, shucks, specs," roman says, grinning at logan, "i love you very much too."

"well," mark says gently. "what grandparent doesn't like to hear that? we are very happy to have you and your mother, roman."

"come and sit," meredith says eagerly. "indulge two old crones in some conversation; i hear you want to take after your mother and go into ballet?"

and so mark, meredith, logan, and roman settle on the couch, logan still clinging to roman's hand and looking the most outwardly fond that patton has ever seen him look. it's enough to have the lump in his throat come roaring back with a vengeance.

virgil touches his shoulder, a silent question—you all right?

patton smiles at him and nods, before someone taps him on the arm, and he looks up.

"spouses club meeting," annabelle says, hooking her arm through his.

"what?" patton says.

"spouses club meeting," lexa repeats.

"i'm—i'm not a," patton says, blushing. he isn't the only one—he sees virgil going red, too. they've been dating for barely a couple weeks, that's very far off from—well—

"i'm not a spouse either, technically," lexa points out, "but that's what we're calling it anyways. virgil, we're stealing your boyfriend."

"do i have a choice in the matter?"

"nope!" lexa says cheerfully. "you, patton sanders, have gossip for us."

"goss—" patton repeats, frowning, before he looks to virgil. "oh—oh! lex, it isn't gossip, really—"

"not gossip, sure," annabelle scoffs. "it's only been ten years, we're getting the story—"

"steal him," virgil says immediately.

"traitor," patton cries out, softly enough so that it doesn't attract the attention of anyone else in the room; he'd gotten enough of that when he'd tried to kiss virgil.

"you aren't automatically immune, you've got siblings to deal with," annabelle tells virgil sweetly, and laughs when virgil pulls a face, suddenly looking younger, like the man in his early twenties that he had been their first christmas all together like this.

and so patton is tugged off into the kitchen, where adam, lexa, annabelle, moira, and ryu all sit, ready to hear the story of how they got together, and patton knows that the rest of their trip will be spent like this—being pulled off into subgroups, whether it be spouses, or kids, or siblings, or other arbitrary combinations that would happen on the fly. patton knows he'll spend the rest of the trip eating his weight in ginger snaps, and coming up with fun activities for the kids, and having a million different conversations with everyone, trying to organize how they'll be able to gather in smaller groups during the new year, and— 

—and patton knows he's in for a very chaotic, very merry christmas.

[livesincerely]

it’s beginning to look a lot like... ch. 4 (END)

Also on Ao3. Chapter three here.

00000

The Twelfth Christmas

“You’re shaking the table!”

“No, I’m not!” 

“Yes you are, you dirty cheater!”

“You’re just mad ‘cause I’m winning⁠—”

“You wouldn’t be winning if you weren’t shaking the table⁠—”

“Hey, chill the fuck out,” Jack interjects, wandering over to investigate before things can get out of hand. “We’re gonna get another noise complaint.”

“Charlie’s cheating!” Tony insists. “He’s shaking the table!”

“No, I’m not!” Charlie denies. “Tony’s just a sore loser.”

“I’m not a sore loser!”

“Well, you’re definitely not a sore winner!”

“I said, chill out,” Jack says firmly. “Or I’m gonna be the one sweeping the pot.”

“Aw, Jack!” they whine in unison.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Jack says. “Choo-Choo, stop shaking the table,” —Charlie ducks his head, pouting⁠— “and Racer, stop stealing from Charlie’s pile when he ain’t lookin’,” —Tony’s eyes go wide⁠— “yeah, Tones, I saw that.”

There’s a few grumbles, but no real arguments. 

Satisfied that he’s halted World War Dreidel, at least for now, Jack goes back to the living room and crawls into the Pillow Fort. 

“Everything okay?” Davey asks, lifting his arm so that Jack can snuggle back into his side. 

“Just another throw down,” Jack says, resting his head against Davey’s chest. “You know how they get.”

“There’s no mercy in dreidel,” Davey says, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Only annihilation and bragging rights.”

Jack laughs softly. “Yeah, I think they’ve really taken that rule to heart, querido. They’re planning total domination and they ain’t afraid to go through each other to get it.”

He takes another moment to get good and comfortable—arms tucked around Davey’s waist, one hand slipping up under Davey’s shirt to sit against the curve of his stomach. Davey throws his legs over Jack’s, his arm a warm weight across Jack’s shoulders, and he tugs a blanket up to cover them.

Davey asks, “Good?”

“Go for it,” Jack murmurs.

Davey unearths the remote from their nest of pillows and hits play; the dvd picks up right where they left it before Jack got up, with Hiccup finding Toothless in the quarry.

They’re watching the movie and not watching the movie. They’ve probably seen it about a hundred times, it’s not like they don’t know what’s gonna happen, so it’s sort of just on for background noise and because it wouldn’t be Christmas without it. Mostly they’re just sitting together, enjoying each others’ company as the last few hours of the day wind down. 

It’s been an impossibly hectic holiday season: Davey’s semester didn’t end until the 20th, leaving only a couple of days for frantic Hanukkah shopping and barely more than that for last-minute Christmas shopping. There’s still a handful of nights of Hanukkah left⁠—they’re spending the rest of the week at the Jacobs’ to finish out the holiday, then ringing in the New Year the night after, leaving tonight as the only lull in the madness. 

Well, considering the muffled arguing he can still hear coming from the kitchen table, there’s never really a lull in the madness. But lying here, settled in with Davey’s fingers combing through his hair and his heartbeat beneath his ear, the boys happy and whole just a few feet away… Jack can’t imagine anything better.

He shifts slightly, tipping his head up just enough to see⁠: Davey’s looking towards the TV, his expression soft with relaxation and a hint of sleepiness, the fairly lights casting a gentle glow across his features and leaving specks of color dancing in his eyes.

Jack’s heart does a little loop-de-loop around his chest. He never gets tired of looking at Davey. He’s pretty sure he could spend the rest of his life looking at Davey.

“What’re you thinking about so hard, Jackie, love?” Davey asks after a while.

Jack curls around him that much more, his hands sliding up to splay wide over Davey’s ribcage. 

“Nothin’,” he says, quietly content. “Still jus’ thinkin’ about tomorrow.”

Davey hums in acknowledgement, his nails scratching lightly at the nape of Jack’s neck. “Mama’s been hinting that she wants us down there as soon as physically possible⁠. She sounded pretty frazzled⁠—I think Les must be driving them all a bit crazy, waiting.”

“What, and she thinks adding us into the mix is gonna grant her some peace?” Jack asks with a snort. “Charlie, Tony, and Les might distract each other for a while, maybe, but there’s no way whatever Les is puttin’ her through now is worse than whatever the three of ‘em together will cook up and unleash. But either way, I’m not goin’ anywhere until we get at least two loads of laundry done because that sucked ass last year, coming home to a shit-ton of dirty sheets and blankets.”

“Yeah, I figured we wouldn’t be getting there until early afternoon-ish,” Davey says. “I told her maybe 2pm or 3? And, at this point I think she’d take the chaos if it meant she could get a few hours in the kitchen, uninterrupted, without Les trying to talk her into a round of dreidel. Apparently he’s taking the tournament very seriously this year.”

“There’s somethin more serious than whatever the fuck went down last year? I didn’t think that was possible,” Jack says. He pauses for a moment, considering. ”Oh, hell, what am I sayin’? This is Les, Charlie, and Tony we’re talkin’ about.”

“Yeah, Mama said the same thing,” Davey agrees. “She specifically mentioned that they’re setting aside a separate table just for dreidel⁠—somewhere safely away from any food or drinks or breakable glassware, presumably.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Jack says. “Though, I’m tellin’ ya now, if anyone ends up with sufganiyot in their hair again, I’m groundin’ both of ‘em ‘til Easter.”

“God, can you even imagine?” Davey says, laughing. “I thought Sarah was gonna murder all three of them.”

“I thought Racer was gonna shatter a window, with how loud he screamed when she started chasin’ him,'' Jack adds. “Then, remember? We found him hidin’ under your old bed?”

“Oh my god,” Davey says, his laughter bubbling up into a full on giggle. “I totally forgot about that!”

Maybe it’s the holiday getting to him. Maybe it’s the bit of eggnog he had earlier or the smell of pine and the hint of candle smoke in the air or maybe it’s just the way that Davey’s looking at him, expression bright and his eyes crinkled up at the corners, but suddenly Jack’s heart feels too big in his chest⁠—like his entire self might burst open.

“What?” Davey asks, still smiling, when he notices Jack staring at him. “What is it?”

“Do you remember when we were at your parents house?” Jack asks. “Not last Hanukkah, but the one before that? When you first started your grad program?”

“What about it?” 

“It was, like, a week before Christmas, a coupl’a days into Hanukkah'' Jack starts, thinking back. “I picked you up from campus right after your last test, already had the car packed and the boys bickering in the backseat, and between the snow and the holiday traffic, it took us, like, four hours just to get to your parents house, and I loved every fucking minute of it. ‘Cause you’d moved out, an’ you had classes an’ finals an’ a whole fucking graduate dorm an’ it felt like I hadn’t seen you in weeks, weeks, after four years of livin’ in each other’s back pockets an’ I missed you so fucking much. You weren’t even twenty minutes away but it felt like you were gone⁠, all’a the time—”

Jack’s rambling, he knows he’s rambling, and he’s not sure if he’s even making any sense. But Davey makes no move to interrupt him, listening with that quiet intensity of his, eyes wide and warm.

“⁠—and I’d spent all of fall looking forward to the end of your semester because then I’d have you for a whole month. A whole month, where things could be like they were, like they were s’pposed to be. I’d get to make ya coffee in the morning and hear ya singin’ in the shower and see ya reading on the couch when I got home from work. I was so excited, but I hadn’t realized yet, you know? I didn’t know.”

He pauses for a breath, heart fluttering a little in his chest, then continues.

“But then, that evening at your parents… you never sleep the night before you have a big test, always stay up too late studying and worrying, and sure enough, you were passed out before Jeopardy even came on, absolutely exhausted. I hadta carry ya upstairs later⁠; your Ma had made up your old room for us so I just tucked you in, then slipped into bed beside you. I didn’t think anythin’ of it ‘cause we always share and you didn’t even wake up, just kept on sleepin’. But then, the next morning…”

Jack raises a hand and drags his thumb gently over the ridge of Davey’s forehead.

“You always get a little wrinkle right here, when you ain’t been sleepin’ enough,” he murmurs, rubbing away an imaginary crease between Davey’s brows. “Tension, I guess. It’s how I can always tell that you ain’t been taking care of yourself. But that next morning, I woke up and you’d sort of curled around me in your sleep, half on top of me. My whole fucking arm was numb ‘cause of how you were lying on it but I didn’t dare move ‘cause you looked so comfortable. No wrinkle, no crease, no frown… and I just kept lookin’ atcha an’ lookin’ atcha…”

His hand slides down, cupping around the side of Davey’s face. Jack looks him right in the eyes and says, “And suddenly I thought to myself, ‘Holy shit, I am apocalyptically in love with this man.’”

There’s the tiniest sound of an inhaled breath, Davey’s throat working beneath his palm. 

“‘Cause I hadn’t known, ya know? But once I did—once I realized⁠—then I knew. I figured out right then and there that all I wanted was you, that all I’d ever wanted was you, and the boys, and all of us together for as long as I could keep ya. That I’d wanted you since ya brought me that hat and scarf ‘cause you wanted me to be warm, an’ the phone card ‘cause you wanted us to be able to talk, an’ the sketchbook ‘cause you wanted me to have something just for having, and it hurt so bad because it was too late, you’d already moved out, you were pullin’ away, an’ I had a whole month of fucking torture because I had you right where I wanted you but I didn’t actually have you⁠—”

Davey leans that barest bit closer and kisses him, long and slow. 

“You’ve always had me,” he promises. “Jackie, you’ve always⁠—”

“But I didn’t know,” Jack says. “And you didn’t know that you had me. But really, the whole time we could’ve been⁠—”

“We were idiots,” Davey agrees, pressing his forehead to Jack’s. “But what else is new?”

“I love you,” Jack says, reaching out to lace their fingers together. “I love you so much, Davey. You don’t even realize how much I love you.”

“Sure I do,” Davey says, his voice a little wet, giving Jack’s hand a squeeze. “It’s about as much as I love you. Now stop it before you make me cry.”

“Love of my life,” Jack says. “‘M so lucky to have you.”

“Jack.”

Jack smiles, lifting their clasped hands up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to Davey’s knuckles.

“Happy Hanukkah, Dave.”

“Merry Christmas, Jackie.”

00000

Tags: @yahfancyclamwiththepurlinside, @corbinthecowboy

[emiefaunwrites]

If you’re still doing headcanons... how about for when the boys are snowed in or winter dates? Either one is fine!!!!

Ooooh snowy stuff! Absolutely, sounds like fun! I decided on winter dates (since snowed in would literally just be grumpy Taka sulking about not getting to work...) but I'm still happy to write snowed in if you wanna see!

I hope this is okay! Thank you for the ask!

(Also so so sorry on the delay - I started this one morning before work and put it into drafts to come back to and it slipped my mind until today! So bad...)

************************

• Leon LOVES the snow. If he could, he'd spend all day in it and risk catching a cold the next day.

• Taka HATES the snow. It's cold, it's miserable, and it causes too much distractions.

• In their second year at Hope's Peak, after being together for about five months at this point, there's a snow day. And that means schools out.

• Most people are thrilled at this news. But, of course, Taka is furious. He doesn't understand why a bit of snow would halt his education. He doesn't have time to miss a SINGLE lesson.

•Leon isn't sure why he's surprised that Taka isn't in his room when he bounds over in excitement. He's planning on inviting him to the class snowball fight but no one answers when he knocks.

• But when he heads to the library, he spots him - a pile of books next to him, hunched over making notes with a sour look on his face.

• And asking him to join the snowball fight does NOT go down well.

• 'I'm here to LEARN, Leon. Not run around outside on a school day and throw blocks of ice at my classmates. I need to keep up with my studies, not be cold and damp and miserable.'

• Oh. Well, that's a bummer. Leon was really excited to spend some time with Taka just letting loose. But his boyfriend seems to hate everything about this day...

• And then he gets an idea.

• 'Okay forget the snowball fight. Come with me to the Christmas market. Just us two. A date.'

• He knows Taka can't resist dates, even on days like this where he's being a total grump.

• And sure enough, he sees Taka's resolve begins to waver.

• 'But studying...'

• 'We can study together in my room when we get back. I promise.'

• With a grumble, Taka agrees and packs away his stuff. But refuses to leave until they're both suitably dressed for the cold.

• By which Leon knows he won't be leaving until Taka has put every winter item he can think of on Leon. Because Leon doesn't wrap up warm enough, in Taka's opinion.

• So they leave, hand in hand, cocooned in jumpers, coats, scarfs, gloves, boots, and beanie hats (which Leon find adorable on his uptight boyfriend).

• Hand in hand they pass by the snowball fight - with Leon having to make it SUPER clear that Taka will not be happy if he's hit.

• And off to the markets they go. Taka still pouting at losing a day of school while Leon's bouncing around like a child.

• He darts from stall to stall, eyeing up all the pretty colours and shiny items and delicious looking food.

• 'Let's get some fudge!'

• 'We haven't had lunch!'

• Taka knows he's being a misery guts and a part of him is waiting for Leon to cave and agree to go home.

• But Leon's just as stubborn. He's going to find SOMETHING that Taka will enjoy and make him smile.

• So when he sees the Christmas photobooth, he practically drags Taka inside and sits him down.

• Taka starts to splutter but Leon sits on his lap and starts going through the backgrounds, sweetly asking which background they should get for their first Christmas photo together.

• THAT gets Taka's attention. They don't take pictures together because of Taka's consciousness around his appearance. He thinks that any photo he's in makes him look stern and that he ruins the shot.

• But he knows Leon is a BIG photo taker - always putting selfies onto his social media pages and has been trying to convince Taka to let him take some couples photos.

• They've tried a couple of times but Taka always ends up lookimg tense and uncomfortable so makes Leon delete them immediately.

• He isn't sure if it's the guilt, or Leon's pleading look, but Taka helps choose a background.

• They're getting ready to pose and Taka makes a split second decision to kiss Leon's cheek just in time for the photo.

• The next three photos are of a flustered looking Leon staring at a sheepish looking Taka, both boys smiling lovingly at each other and then Leon dragging Taka into a kiss by his face with Taka resting his hands on Leon's chest softly.

• For the rest of the day, Leon is on cloud nine - floating around giddily as his boyfriend finally relaxes and takes in the atmosphere.

• And by the time they get back, studying is forgotten. They're snuggled up under the duvet, preparing to watch a film.

• But before they do, Leon shoves his phone in Taka's face to show him his new profile picture - the photobooth collection.

• 'You don't mind, do you?'

• And suddenly Taka doesn't think photos, nor snow days, are all that bad after all.

•'No. It's perfect.'

[zainbap]

like autumn leaves, we fall

BangDae college/university AU  •  masterpost  •  AO3

words: 4515 warnings: FLUFF

part six

~

Studying together isn't the same after that.

They meet up a few times the following week, in between classes at the campus library, or in the afternoons at the coffee shop. They sit across from another, just like always, with eyes meeting every so often,  faint smiles being exchanged and hands brushing when reaching for something on the table. It's the same as it's been for months, only it isn't.

Daehyun knows something's changed between them, but it's impossible to pinpoint what exactly. He sees the same thing in Yongguk's eyes as he has for weeks; hears the same fondness in Yongguk's voice when they talk. Nothing's changed, other than perhaps Daehyun's confidence in that it's not just him. It's not all in his head. Something is developing between them, something intense and soft and real, and they both know it.

They're not just friends, anymore. If they ever were.

Sungwon keeps his promise and pays for their coffees the first time he serves them. Yongguk doesn't push to know why, but Daehyun has a feeling he probably suspects what it's about, anyway. They don't talk about what happened last weekend, other than Yongguk assuring him that he's better and that he's got everything under control again. Daehyun makes a habit of dropping the question how he slept every morning they meet up, hoping it's casual enough. And while he has no doubt Yongguk knows what he's really asking, he doesn't seem to mind. If anything, he almost seems moved.

"Are you going home for Christmas?" Yongguk asks on Friday.

They're walking through one of the central parks, bags slung over their shoulders. Fall is coming to an end, the chilly bite in the air getting stronger every day. Leaves are everywhere, heaps of color scattered around the world. The fountain that'd still been running when Daehyun first moved here is empty now, looking like a big, ugly bowl of concrete surrounded by withering blower beds.

Yongguk is wearing his usual beanie, the collar of his coat pulled up close to his chin. Daehyun's got both hands in the pockets of his jacket, despite wearing gloves.

"I guess so," Daehyun replies with a small shrug. Christmas break is still several weeks away, but he's been curious to ask Yongguk the same thing. "Are you?"

"Not exactly," Yongguk hums, smiling faintly. "Tasha lives really close, so mom and Nam usually come down here over the holidays. Nam usually stays with me for a new nights."

At this point, Daehyun has heard quite a bit about Yongguk's siblings, but it's still mind blowing to think Yongguk's got a twin brother. His older sister, Natasha, sounds really cool and only a little scary. Yongguk keeps saying he and Yongnam are complete opposites in everything but looks, and Daehyun wonders what that even means. He can't imagine someone wearing Yongguk's face while acting nothing like him.

"You should meet them," Yongguk says then.

Daehyun looks over to meet his eyes, warmth spreading from the center of his chest at the soft smile resting on Yongguk's lips. Yongguk's arms are slack at his sides, his right hand brushing up against Daehyun's jacket as they walk. Daehyun's fingers jerk inside his left-handed pocket.

He wonders how much Yongguk's family knows about him, what Yongguk may have told them.

"Okay," Daehyun says.

The tips of Yongguk's ears are poking out from under the beanie, and they look slightly pink as he ducks his head down with a smile.

"Okay."

-

-

Saturday evening Daehyun arrives to the library with several minutes to spare before Yongguk's shift ends. He'd been unsure how much he should dress up, finally settling for a pair of jeans and one of his newer sweaters. Comfortable, but put together. He'd taken the bus, not wanting the humidity to ruin his hair on the bike. Still, he can't help but run his fingers through it as he steps through the door of the building, unzipping his jacket.

He's not prepared to find Yongguk sitting behind the desk in a goddamn blazer. For a split second Daehyun considers turning around and running back home to change, but Yongguk has already seen him. He smiles, standing from his chair.

"I wasn't— I didn't know what to wear," Daehyun mumbles in way of greeting, awkwardly gesturing to his casual clothing peeking out from under the jacket.

Yongguk chuckles, eyes soft, and Daehyun instantly feels all tension leave his shoulders.

"No, it's— You look nice."

"You too," Daehyun exhales.

First then does he notice the three people sitting by a table nearby, hunched over their notebooks, pens at the ready, but with their wide eyes on the two of them. They look both nervous and expectant, somehow. Daehyun feels his face heat up.

"I'll just… go wait over here," Daehyun mumbles, gesturing with a thumb over his shoulder as he awkwardly backs away from the desk.

Yongguk, who doesn't look nearly as embarrassed as Daehyun feels, despite the flush coloring his cheeks, smiles sheepishly and nods. Daehyun flees into the forest of bookshelves, grabbing a random book and uselessly convinces himself he's keeping himself busy as he sits down in a corner to read it.

He stays there until closing time, listening to the three students packing up and walking out. When it's all quiet, he re-emerges from the depths again to find Yongguk just stepping out from behind the desk. He grins when he spots Daehyun, and he's so beautiful Daehyun's chest hurts.

"You ready?" He asks, trying to sound nonchalant enough.

"Yeah," Yongguk smiles. "Come on."

The cinema isn't far, and the air isn't as humid as yesterday, but Daehyun still feels self-conscious of what his hair might look like by the time they arrive. The movie has already been showing for nearly two weeks, so the salon is far from crowded. He and Yongguk get a row all to themselves, which Daehyun can't decide if it makes him more anxious or excited.

Sungwon was right — Yongguk clearly enjoys the movie. Daehyun likes it too, though he keeps being distracted by the amused and fascinated noises Yongguk makes. And he spends more time than he'd like to admit wondering if Yongguk's hand on the armrest between them means something. He thinks about reaching over and touch his knuckles a dozen times, but never gathers up enough courage to actually do it.

By the time the movie ends, the lights coming back on, Yongguk has moved his hand back into his own lap, and Daehyun can't help but feel like he missed an invitation that's now expired. The two of them stay close as they walk out the doors with the other movie-goers, moving in a herd before all dispersing outside.

There's something heavy and electric hanging in the air as they come to a stop around the corner. Daehyun's heart is beating too fast. Yongguk nudges him with his foot.

"I'll walk you home," he whispers.

They talk about the movie as they walk, Yongguk sharing his thoughts about a deeper meaning, about how much he appreciated a certain shot, a certain line. Daehyun gladly listens, not realizing he's smiling until his face starts to hurt. He playfully teases Yongguk about his enthusiasm, making Yongguk's shy laugh echo down a dark street.

Daehyun's heart jolts every time their hands brush against one another as they walk side by side. It'd be so easy, to catch Yongguk's hand and slide his fingers between Yongguk's knuckles. He wonders if Yongguk would mind, if he'd care if someone saw him holding hands with a guy. Daehyun wonders if he would.

It starts to drizzle just as they reach the building, and they quickly duck under the small roofing above the door, chuckling quietly as Daehyun digs for his keys. Daehyun waits for Yongguk to say something, to acknowledge the fact that they've reached their destination and that he should probably head home. But Yongguk doesn't say anything, and so Daehyun doesn't either. They both just watch Daehyun's hand unlock the door in silence before stepping inside.

The hallway on the second floor is unnaturally dark and quiet, most of Daehyun's dorm mates away at another party across campus. Daehyun feels both excited and nervous as he leads Yongguk to his door, only vaguely remembering doing this once before.

"I didn't clean," he says as they step inside, embarrassed.

"It's fine," Yongguk assures him.

No lights are on, the room lit up only by the moonlight coming through the window. His floor is a mess, as is his desk, and Daehyun anxiously runs his fingers through his bangs. He watches Yongguk slip out of his jacket and step further into the room. He adjusts his glasses, eyes sweeping over the room and lingering on the bookshelf. He's taken his hat off, and his hair is a wild, dark mess.

"Not gonna lie," Yongguk hums, tipping his head back to give Daehyun a wry smile. "I expected a bigger collection from an English major."

Daehyun huffs, running another hand through his hair.

"I didn't bring all my books from back home," he explains, moving to stand next to Yongguk, eyeing the shelves as well. It's next to impossible to read any of the titles in this light. "Didn't think it was worth it. Not while living in a dorm room. Figured I should wait till I found an actual apartment before moving my entire library."

Yongguk hums, amused, turning back to look at the books again.

"You're looking for apartments, then?" He asks.

Daehyun shrugs with one shoulder.

"I mean, I never planned on living out all my college days in a dorm. But. You know. Money."

Yongguk hums, again, in understanding.

He moves away from the bookcase, and Daehyun just awkwardly watches Yongguk look around his messy dorm room. He wonders if this is how Yongguk felt when he first invited Daehyun to his apartment; if he feels the same kind of intimacy Daehyun did to be in someone's space like this. He wonders if this room smells of him, and if it's a smell Yongguk doesn't mind.

Ironically, that's when Yongguk spots his own hoodie hanging off Daehyun's bedpost. Daehyun feels his face go hot, struggling to come up with what to say as Yongguk goes to pick it up.

"I was, uh— I'm sorry. I… forgot to return it."

He knows it's blatantly obvious that he didn't just forget to return it, that he's clearly used it again after borrowing it that one night. That's so embarrassing, and possibly creepy, and Daehyun kind of wishes the ground would open up and swallow him.

But Yongguk just chuckles, turning back around to smile at him. He looks so soft just then — standing next to Daehyun's bed in the small dorm room with his hair all tousled, the blue light from outside caressing one side of his face.

"It's okay," Yongguk murmurs, still smiling gently. "I don't mind… you having it."

It's hard to tell, but Daehyun is pretty sure he's not imagining the blush coloring Yongguk's cheeks. It helps, knowing he's not the only one who's nervous about what's happening.

Despite having had a crush on Yongguk pretty much from the moment Daehyun first met him, he's never really let himself think about it too much. He's never let himself daydream about what it would be like, if they finally crossed that line — the one he knows they've been balancing on for quite some time now. He's never allowed himself to imagine what it'd be like to actually be with Yongguk; to be allowed to hold his hand, to reach out and adjust his glasses for him, to steal his clothes.

But he lets himself think about it now. Lets himself feel it. And Daehyun's heart clenches. With how much he wants it. And it's terrifying, realizing the loaded silence stretching between them means there is no going back after this. It's already too late. They'll never just be what they used to be, after this. It can only be more, or less.

Yongguk visibly swallows, dropping the hoodie back onto Daehyun's bed. Daehyun's breath hitches as Yongguk moves closer, his own breathing suddenly feeling incredibly loud in the room. Yongguk stops just a couple inches away, close enough for Daehyun to feel the heat of his breath on his face. He can feel the hesitation in Yongguk's breath when he opens his mouth.

"It's not just in my head, right?" Yongguk asks, and his voice is barely more than a whisper. He licks his lips, pupils dilated. "That you and I are..?"

And Daehyun wants to laugh, because he's so relieved and happy, but also because that's such a ridiculous question.

But he doesn't laugh, and he doesn't answer. He just takes one step forward, closing the final distance between them, and captures Yongguk's mouth with his own.

It's just a brush of lips at first, eager but tentative. Yongguk's lips are still cold from the outside, the smell of autumn air filling his nose as Daehyun breathes in. Then Yongguk sighs into the kiss, sending a hot shiver down Daehyun's spine, and gently cups Daehyun's face with both hands. Yongguk's fingers are cold against his warm cheeks, and Daehyun's breath hitches. His heart is pounding hard against his ribs, and he completely forgets he's supposed to breathe through his nose, which leaves him out of breath in seconds.

He breaks away, just enough for their lips to disconnect, panting into the small space of air between them. Yongguk laughs softly, that wheezy sound Daehyun loves so much. And Daehyun grins, even though he's embarrassed, because he feels fucking giddy. Their noses are still touching, bumping against one another while Daehyun catches his breath. Yongguk's hands are still cupping his face, his thumb swiping over one of his cheekbones.

"God," he mumbles, still grinning. The sound of his deep voice makes heat pool in Daehyun's belly. "Fuck, you're—"

Daehyun is leaning back in before discovering just what he is, interrupting Yongguk with another kiss. His hands instinctively land on Yongguk's hips, pulling himself even closer. Yongguk groans against his mouth, sending another shudder through Daehyun. One of his hands move from Daehyun's face to cup the back of his neck instead, lips parting as the heat builds between them.

The sturdy frames of Yongguk's glasses push into his brows for the first time, making him smile into the kiss, and he can feel Yongguk smile back. His heart is still beating too fast, but he's breathing quickly through his nose this time, and the sound of their joined, harsh breathing is making something stir deep in his gut.

When they break apart the second time, they're both panting. Daehyun's lips feel funny, and he can't stop smiling. Yongguk is smiling too, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Daehyun with a soft hum. They catch their breaths, slowly calming down.

"Wanna sit down?" Yongguk asks after a moment, voice quiet.

His hand is still resting on the back of Daehyun's neck, and the way his thumb moves ever so slightly against his sensitive skin makes Daehyun shiver.

"Yeah," he breathes out, swiping his tongue over his kiss-bruised lips.

Yongguk smiles shyly, and they take their hands off each other somewhat awkwardly before moving to the bed. Daehyun sits on the edge at first, immediately fumbling with his hands in his lap. But Yongguk scoots back to rest his back against the wall, so Daehyun follows his example.

Daehyun expects it to get horribly awkward as soon as they're just sitting there, next to each other, but Yongguk just smiles softly and reaches for his hand. He slides his palm over Daehyun's wrist, locking their fingers together and letting their hands rest on top of the covers between them. Daehyun doesn't realize he's smiling until Yongguk chuckles, ducking his head down when Daehyun seeks his gaze.

God, they're really just two big, shy idiots, aren't they?

"One could think we've never held hands with someone before," Daehyun mutters, still smiling as he keeps his eyes on their hands.

Yongguk scoffs, tilting his head back against the wall. He swallows, Daehyun seeing his Adam's apple bob in the corner of his eye.

"Well," Yongguk says, voice a little hesitant. "Not… a lot."

Daehyun looks up then, arching an eyebrow at him curiously. Yongguk meets his eyes steadily, and it's unclear if he's embarrassed about the admission or not.

"Are you—" Daehyun cuts himself off, heart skipping a beat. Because asking will make everything so much more real. He starts over. "Are you…out?"

He doesn't even know what Yongguk would be out as, and Daehyun doesn't care what label Yongguk chooses to identify with, but their relations to the closet are going to affect whatever happens next.

Perhaps it's a too big of a question right off the bat, and Daehyun almost wishes he could take it back as soon as it's out of his mouth. But Yongguk just smiles faintly, and nods. Daehyun thinks he shouldn't be surprised, considering how Sungwon had casually assumed the two of them were already dating way back, but somehow he is.

Yongguk must notice whatever flickers across Daehyun's face just then — doubt, maybe —  because his smile morphs into a genuine look of concern.

"I'm not— I don't plan on hiding, if that's what you were worried about," he murmurs, gently squeezing Daehyun's fingers. It's such a sweet gesture, and it makes Daehyun's heart swell. He doesn't know what to say, how to express how good it feels to hear Yongguk say that.

Yongguk opens his mouth again, then hesitates for a bit.

"Are… you out?"

Daehyun parts his lips, about to say yes, but the silence stretches on for a moment longer.

"I guess?" He says, making it sound like a question. When Yongguk looks confused, Daehyun sighs and offers him a faint smile. "I mean— I am back home. But. You never really stop coming out, do you? You don't get to do it just once, and then never have to do it again. If you're famous, maybe. But otherwise, no new person is gonna know when you first meet them. You constantly have to come out, over and over again."

Yongguk makes a thoughtful nose, nodding.

"That's true," he murmurs. He adjusts his grip on Daehyun's hand, turning his body slightly to face him more. "Do you… wanna keep this on the low, then?"

Daehyun blinks, taken aback. And the way Yongguk says it — sad, but so understanding, accepting — makes his heart ache.

"No," he whispers, watching Yongguk's eyes light up again. "That's not— That'd be awful, wouldn't it? For you. You shouldn't… go back into the closet, for me. For anyone."

"I'm not gonna force you to come out, though," Yongguk reasons, still so understanding. "Not if you don't feel comfortable with it. I wouldn't mind, keeping this between us. If that's what you want."

"That's not what I want," Daehyun says, shaking his head.

Yongguk meets his eyes, and Daehyun's chest burns at how hopeful he looks. He pushes himself off the wall and turns to face Yongguk, crossing his legs. Their joined hands come to rest on top of his knee, and Daehyun can feel the butterflies swirl inside his belly. Everything feels so intimate, down to the very air they breathe.

"I— I wanna be with you," Daehyun murmurs, gaze dropped to where he starts to play with Yongguk's fingers. Yongguk lets him, relaxing his hand. "I've wanted it for a long time. I just… never thought it'd actually happen," he admits, blushing. "And I— I haven't come out to any of my classmates yet."

Yongguk hums, nodding. He waits, perhaps for Daehyun to look at him, before turning to sit in front of Daehyun on the bed, mirroring him. Their knees touch, and Yongguk gently moves their hands to rest on top of their crossed ankles.

"If you don't want us to openly do anything—"

"I do," Daehyun assures him, face hot. Yongguk looks surprised, but he visibly relaxes. "I'm— I'm sorry if I come across as really unsure. I am, I guess. In a way. But I—" He sighs, jaw setting. "I don't wanna have to come out to every single person. I just wanna live my life, do what I wanna do, and have people not make a big deal out of it."

Yongguk makes a soft, agreeing noise. He squeezes Daehyun's fingers. Daehyun smiles. Yongguk waits for him to say something else, but Daehyun can't think of anything else to say.

"All my friends think we've already been dating for weeks," Yongguk says after a while.

Daehyun huffs, smiling.

"I know," he admits, glancing up to find Yongguk watching him with both amusement and confusion. He smiles sheepishly. "Sungwon… told me. Kind of."

Yongguk chuckles, shaking his head.

"Of course he did."

Daehyun grins, ducking his head back down to watch at his own hand fumble with Yongguk's when the eye-contact gets too intense. Yongguk is looking at him so fondly, Daehyun doesn't know what to do with himself.

Silence reigns for a while, but it's a comfortable one.

"I haven't been with a lot of people," Yongguk says eventually, voice quiet. Daehyun looks up, but this time Yongguk's the one to keep his eyes lowered. "So this is— I want you to know, that this isn't just… whatever, to me."

Daehyun swallows, heart swelling, and he can't help but smile.

"I know," he says, meaning it. He knows Yongguk isn't as outgoing as he first seemed. He knows Yongguk wouldn't bring just anyone to study with him most days of the week. He knows Yongguk only went to that party because of him. He hadn't known all that at the time, but he does now. "Me, too."

Yongguk lifts his head then, giving him a soft smile. His glasses have slid down on his nose a bit. He reaches out with his free hand, carding his fingers through Daehyun's hair the same way Daehyun has been doing all night. Daehyun can't help the way his eyes flutter closed at the tender touch, arching into it.

"I really care about you," Yongguk murmurs, letting his hand drop to touch Daehyun's cheek again.

Daehyun smiles, making Yongguk's thumb brush over the corner of his mouth. Somehow it feels more powerful than anything else Yongguk could've said. More powerful than 'I like you', 'I wanna date you', or 'I've been crushing on you for an embarrassing amount of months'. He knows Yongguk has cared for him since they first met, but now it's a far cry from that initial sympathy for a troubled stranger.

"I care about you, too," Daehyun says, reaching up to carefully push Yongguk's glasses further up his nose. "Like, a lot."

Yongguk grins, crowfeet appearing around his eyes, and Daehyun feels overwhelmed by the affection bursting inside him at the sight. He grins back, feeling so happy and ridiculous. He can't remember feeling this at ease ever since he left home. There's no one else here he feels so comfortable with.

"Come here," Yongguk whispers, still smiling as he pulls Daehyun into another kiss.

Daehyun huffs against Yongguk's mouth, eyes falling shut as he presses back against Yongguk's lips. It's gentle this time, neither of them wired as tight. Daehyun sighs into it, arching his back a little to lean forward. One of his hands lands on Yongguk's leg, and though he hadn't meant anything by it, he can't stop his face from heating up. Yongguk makes a soft noise low in his throat, the vibration of it traveling between them. His hand abandons Daehyun's face, reaching back to run his fingers through Daehyun's hair before settling on the back of his head. Holding him close.

They kiss for a long time, getting familiar with each other. More than once they end up just smiling against one another, having to take breaks where they just chuckle into each other's faces before locking lips again. Daehyun's nose keeps bumping into Yongguk's glasses, but he doesn't mind.

It's the sound of a door slamming shut down the hall that breaks them up, both of them going still. Daehyun swallows, looking towards the door even though there's no reason to. His door is locked, but even if it wasn't, his dorm mates have never just barged into his room without knocking. He has no reason to worry at all.

He looks back to Yongguk. They're still sitting as close as they possibly can, their hands still touching in their laps. A bashful smile rests on Yongguk's kiss-bruised lips.

"Maybe I should go," he offers.

Daehyun licks his lips.

"Or you could stay," he says.

Yongguk pauses, the two of them staring at each other for a moment. But then Yongguk's shoulders sag, and he shakes his head.

"I shouldn't," he murmurs, even as his fingers slide against Daehyun's hand. "I don't… have my pills."

"Oh," Daehyun says, instantly feeling stupid for even suggesting it. "Right."

Yongguk grins, ducking his head down.

"Maybe I should start carrying them with me sometimes," he mumbles.

Daehyun's pulse jumps.

"Yeah," he agrees casually, knowing he must be blushing like crazy. "Maybe."

Yongguk chuckles, nodding. He squeezes Daehyun's fingers one more time before letting go of his hand, uncrossing his legs and makes to stand. Daehyun follows.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Yongguk asks a little later, when he's standing by the door with his shoes and jacket back on.

Daehyun is standing with his hands in his pockets, just sort of hovering behind him. He doesn't want Yongguk to leave, hands already itching to reach out and touch him again. He nods, struggling to imagine what studying together is going to be like after tonight. Impossible, probably.

"Yeah," he exhales, smiling. "Sure."

Yongguk huffs, pausing where he'd just been about to reach for the door, and instead moves in to place a quick kiss in the corner of Daehyun's mouth. Daehyun laughs, wanting to return it but Yongguk has already moved away. It feels like his whole body is buzzing, the butterflies in his belly going mad.

"Goodnight," Yongguk tells him warmly, looking over his shoulder as he opens the door.

"Goodnight," Daehyun echoes, trailing behind him to lock the door after he leaves.

The hallway outside is empty, but Daehyun still feels his heart beating faster at the mere possibility of someone opening their door to see a boy coming out of his room. It wouldn't even be suspicious, and Daehyun isn't sure why he's so nervous about it. He doesn't want to be nervous.

Whether Yongguk senses this or not, he doesn't try to kiss him again. He just smiles, waving briefly before heading down the hall towards the stairs. Daehyun looks after him for a few seconds before retreating back into his room, locking the door again.

He flops down on the bed, burying his face in the closest pillow.

"Oh my god," he groans, smiling like a goddamn idiot.

[cultfought]

 drabble: CHRISTMAS MAGIC ; this is a little drabble set before the events of fc5. i really wanted to explore a little bit of joey’s relationship with her partner, danny, before he’s killed, as well as write some unapologetic holiday fluff. hope you enjoy !!

“ho, ho, ho -- merry christmas!” she can hear him all the way from the other side of the bar. deputy daniel barrett, always so effortlessly the center of attention. the annual spread eagle christmas celebration is in full swing -- gary fairgrave is behind the bar, making sure the hands of the hope county residents are never empty. his daughter, mary may, is casing the room, in charge of empty bottles, effortlessly dodging the attempts of hurk jr. to get her under the mistletoe. then there’s pastor jerome, on his third beer, excitedly discussing his plans for the next morning’s christmas sermon with a politely smiling grace armstrong. nick and kim rye are fumbling around in the far corner with their conjoined monstrosity of a christmas sweater -- while sheriff whitehorse does his best not to laugh at their antics. a slight rumble and loud noise from outside gives away whatever ‘event’ sharky boshaw’s working on out back.

it’s a HOPE COUNTY CHRISTMAS EVE like any other -- perfect in all of it’s imperfections. deputy joey hudson is more than content to watch everyone in their holiday bliss with her beer in hand. danny, just like every year, is dressed up like santa claus -- stuffed belly, beard and all. it’s his TRADITION to dress up as the man himself and take up a post in the middle of the bar, sitting in a big, red chair. he stays completely in character as the residents of hope county, in their incresingly drunken states, plop down in his lap to tell him what is it they want for christmas. staci’s there now -- perched on his knee and excitedly telling him everything he wants for the upcoming holiday.

“. . . and i want a PUPPY!” joey hears him finish, watching as danny lifts staci’s elf hat from his head, ruffling his hair like he’s a child. it’s heartwarming, to say the least, to watch danny spread his holiday cheer amongst the people of hope county. . . especially when she knows he’ll do his best, with her help of course, to make sure everyone gets what they want. just last year a drunken nick rye had confessed to danny ( after setting his wife free from their sweater monstrosity for a bathroom break ) that he found a gorgeous necklace for kim -- but he couldn’t afford it. so, of course, danny did what any christmas miracle worker would do. . . he hired nick for flying lessons so he could make the remainder of the money to get kim her gift. a glance over to kim would show she’s wearing the necklace, just as she does EVERY SINGLE DAY. joey’s a lucky woman, and she knows it, especially as she watches danny interact effortlessly with everyone who comes over to him. he’s a good man -- maybe the best man she’s ever met -- and she can’t quite believe he looks at her the way he does. once, he was her mentor. . . but now? danny barrett is her WORLD. he catches her looking at him, and joey immediately deflects her gaze to the ceiling, studying the worn wood as he stands. soon enough, he’s at her side, even though she isn’t looking at him, his hand on the small of her back. “ho, ho, ho. . .” he leans in, murmuring in her ear. “danny, please --” joey counters, rolling her eyes, already aware of where this leads. “what do you want for christmas. . .”  “don’t you dare--” “little girl?” her immediate response is to press her palm against his cheek, shoving him away from her. although it isn’t violent, and much more playful in nature, her point is clear. “yeah, i heard it when i said it. . . kinda gross, right?” danny laughs, grinning at her. “kinda? you called me a little girl, danny.” joey raises an eyebrow, finally looking his way. “yeah, point taken. but still, i noticed you haven’t come to see santa yet. . .” “you would be correct,” “jo, everyone is supposed to see santa. how else is he supposed to know what you want for christmas?” he punctuates his sentence with a little flick to the reindeer antlers perched atop her head. they’re HIS IDEA -- danny loves christmas more than just about anything else. and he was so excited this year to present joey with a pair of antlers and staci with a red and green striped elf hat. now, joey wouldn’t have chosen to wear the antlers all on her own. . . but she actually finds them kind of cute and festive. not that she’d ADMIT THAT to danny. “well i’ve already told my boyfriend that i don’t want anything for christmas. maybe he can tell santa.” joey points out. “oh believe me, he has. and both your boyfriend and santa think you’re LYING.” “i mean it, danny. i really don’t want anything. i’m good. just. . . doing the christmas thing with everyone is enough,” she sighs, finishing off her beer, “i don’t need presents to be happy.” “no one needs presents -- they want presents. . .” danny begins, before reaching for her hand. before joey has any idea what he’s doing, he’s pulling her out of her seat, dragging her to his santa chair in the middle of the room. “no, danny, i am not -- not in front of everyone. . .” she protests in a low voice. but he’s steadfast, pulling her towards the chair. “everyone sits in santa’s lap, jo, that’s the rule.”  danny drops back into the chair, his hands on joey’s hips as he tugs her into his lap. she stumbles a little, before perching on his knee -- if only a little stiffly. danny tugs her a little closer, one arm around her waist and his free hand resting on her knee. it’s more COMFORTABLE than she wants to admit. “this is stupid.” “bah humbug,” danny teases. “shut up.” instead of continuing to bug her, though, he just lets her sit, coaxing her to rest her side against his chest. it’s actually relaxing, especially as his gloved hand rubs up and down her back. joey decides she likes this much better than where she want before. she can still observe, watching the party wind down as the hours drag on. . . but she doesn’t have to do it alone. it’s one of the things she LOVES about danny. . . he’s always happy being the center of attention, being the brightest spot in the room. but he knows that joey isn’t. . . and sometimes his need to be close to her overrides his need to be in the middle of it all. eventually staci pulls a chair over too, bringing danny and joey another beer. he’s going on and on about how much he really does want that damn puppy, and he hopes santa’s going to be good to him this year. . . and joey lives for the way his face lights up when he talks. the three of them laugh together, recalling memories of the past year, sharing hopes for the next. . . it’s heartwarming to see how much staci’s grown as a deputy, and joey can’t help but feel so excited for his future in that moment. and for her own as well.  it strikes her, huddled in the middle of their local bar on christmas eve, that she’s HAPPY. happier than she’s ever been before. . . and she never wants this feeling to go away. it’s another hour or so before the fairgraves close up shop, bidding everyone good night. the residents of hope county spill out into the snow covered landscape of fall’s end, their laughter filling the silent night. the three deputies pile into danny’s truck, and they drop staci off first -- and danny and staci hug about four times before they actually leave -- before driving home themselves. once they arrive to their little blue farmhouse, danny’s quick to help joey out of the truck, even if she rolls her eyes at him. once through the front door, joey almost pays no mind to anything, until danny grabs her by the hand, pulling her back. “what are you doing. . .?” “look up.” she does as she’s instructed, only to find a small sprig of mistletoe hanging proudly above their heads. honestly, she shouldn’t be as SURPRISED as she is. “when did you have time to do that? i’ve been with you all day. . .” “you don’t believe in christmas magic, joey?” she rolls her eyes, but tugs danny in for a kiss, santa beard and all. her arms wrap around his neck, his around her waist as they kiss in their doorway, not a care in the world. like a scene from a movie, just as they break apart, it starts to snow. ”see? christmas magic.” danny grins down at her. this might just be, joey thinks, the best christmas she’s ever had. ------ christmas isn’t the same two years later. she’d much rather be at the annual hope county christmas shindig, and she’s fairly sure staci would too. . . but neither of them feel very festive today, even if staci is wearing his elf hat, and joey’s in her reindeer antlers. she’s clutching a bright red santa hat in her hands, fingers gripping the fuzzy fabric with almost too much force.  a graveyard is the last place anyone wants to spend their holidays. DANIEL BARRETT BELOVED HOPE COUNTY SHERIFF’S DEPUTY BELOVED SON, BROTHER, FRIEND they stare at the grave for a long moment, a pitiful monument to the man who was so full of life and love. a permanent stone reminder of what has been taken from them. eventually, staci sits on the blanket they’ve laid in the snow, shifting a small cooler tin between himself and joey. joey sits beside him, opening two beers -- one for her, one for staci. it still seems strange not to open a third. they sit in silence most of the night -- the wounds are still too raw to discuss openly. it doesn’t feel right to spend christmas without their santa claus. . . but it would feel even worse to leave danny alone on christmas. even though they both know he’s not really here. this grave is a poor excuse for the man it memorializes. after a few hours, it’s too cold for them to keep sitting outside, and staci packs up their effects in favor for a night spent inside on his couch. joey hesitates as he turns to head back to her car. “you comin’, jo?” “uh yeah. just. . . i need a moment.” staci gets the hint, and leaves her be with a little pat to her shoulder. she waits for a moment, listening to the crunch of staci’s boots in the snow, until she knows she’s alone. reaching into her pocket, she pulls out a little sprig of mistletoe -- the very same that hung over their door that very first christmas they spent together. she runs her gloved fingers over the leaves, before leaning down, to place the mistletoe in front of danny’s grave. “it’s. . . it’s really hard to believe in christmas magic, danny. but i’m trying. i promise you, i’m trying.” tears jump to her eyes, and she presses her fingers to the corner of her eyes. sucking in a breath, she turns her back on his grave, heading back to her car, to staci. she isn’t even a few steps away before it starts to snow. joey stops, chin tilting up to look at the gentle flakes falling from the sky. even now, she can’t help but smile. maybe there was something to this christmas magic thing after all.

[orangeyouglad8]

While waiting for the Clexa xmas manips to appear, do you have headcanons how your thirsty lawyers spend their holiday together? Do they get a tree? Does one of them go overboard with the decorating? What gifts do they get each other? - Secret Citrus

Well, well, well, it’s your lucky day my dear Secret Citrus Santa! As a present to you, and all of my lovely followers (including my assigned SS), I’ve worked out a few words for you. Guess I’m feeling the holiday spirit! Enjoy.

Another Christmas arrives the same way it always does. Her old bed creaks with her movements and the room is frigid around her because the window is drafty. Her parents are already up and chatting downstairs, the smell of coffee and breakfast making its way up to her bedroom.

And it's the same as it always is. There's nothing particularly special about it. Not even the stellar bloody marys her father makes every year. The ones she always gets a little drunk on before crashing onto the couch. Not here. At home. Alone. There's nothing special about being back home. It's routine and familiar and the same.

Except there is something so very special about this year. And this day. And the warmth that ignites Lexa from inside and oozes from her. Everything softer and merrier than ever. Even here, even miles away from the source of that warmth. There's a smile that seems permanent. There's a giddiness that sits on her skin. A wonder and a pleasantness she hasn't felt in years. Even if she pouts just a little bit at being away from Clarke on a holiday that is meant to be shared with loved ones. It doesn't take away from the happiness that lives within at just the thought of her and that one certain smile she always has for Lexa.

Lexa stifles a yawn and debates a nap. She hasn't been sleeping well alone in her old bed. In a different city. In a different life. It just doesn't feel right.

Her father is droning on about something or other when the phone on the table in front of her flashes with a name that makes her own heart thud wildly in her chest.

Griffin

She stands and grabs it off the table, disappearing back into her old bedroom. Ghosts of her youth still littered everywhere.

It's always odd being here. Especially now.

She shuts the door and slides the call open with a smile. "Hey."

"Hi." Clarke's voice is quiet and soft and sounds so achingly warm.

"Merry Christmas." Lexa doesn't let herself say anything else. Bursting with the need to say this. She knows it's still early, knows that they've only just gotten on the same page with each other, but she hates being away.

Hates being here.

Doesn't feel whole.

"Merry Christmas," Clarke answers and Lexa can hear the smile that plays on her lips through the phone connection. "You've already said that at least once on text."

"Yeah, but, now you're on the phone."

"How many drinks have you had, Woods?"

"Oh… um…" She blushes, entirely caught.

"Hmm, that's what I thought. Too bad you're not here right now. Tipsy you is so very fun."

She groans. "Don't remind me."

Clarke just laughs. A cackle that's loud and lively and warms Lexa from the inside out. "My mom just left for the airport…" Lexa can practically hear the way her eyes darken as she teases.

"Clarke," she warns.

"So, tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow. Late morning."

"Yes, I remember."

They both lapse into silence for a moment, enjoying the quiet.

"Why did your mom leave so early?" Lexa flops back on the bed, hand resting on her stomach and staring at the tiny, almost barely there patch of her ceiling that they forgot to paint over when they did this room. It hides away normally, but she knows just where to find it.

"Surgery early tomorrow. She's probably elbow deep in her files on the plane. I actually can't believe she flew out for the holiday."

"Hmm."

"Plus, she didn't even stay with me. You really missed out, Woods."

"You have such a one-track mind, Griff."

"Usually that works out for you."

The teasing is nice, welcome even. But, but.

"How was your visit?" Lexa hedges. Pokes.

Clarke hesitates. There it is.

"It was like it always is now."

Her voice is so small, so full of nostalgia and grief. It feels heavy even from thousands of miles away. Lexa can't bear it. Not when she is too far away to do anything about it.

"What will you do for the rest of the day?"

"I'm going to Raven's in a little bit. Her family is here and they do a whole thing… poker, food, coquito."

"Sounds festive."

"Festive is one word for it. And you?"

"Well, my dad is glued to the basketball and my mom is fluttering around the kitchen. Aden is supposed to be calling soon. I'll probably go across the street at some point to visit the neighbors."

Clarke hums, yawns. Lexa wants to kiss her. She loves Clarke like this. Open and soft. Vulnerable with her. For her. "Oh, I'm glad he can call."

"We are, too."

She remembers when she first told Clarke about her brother. Overseas. Following the family footsteps so well. Unlike her.

They hadn't been sleeping together long when it popped out. A missed call and a frown led to the questioning. She'd never been able to hide anything from Clarke, for as much as the other woman could be blind to it all.

Clarke was soft and gentle.

Flipping Lexa inside and out with her quiet questions and her steady smile.

She yawns again now through the phone.

"Are you in bed?"

"You don't think I'd be calling with all these suggestions if I wasn't, do you?" Clarke tries to purr but she's too mumbly.

"Well, yeah, you're you."

"Touche, counselor."

"What did you do with her today before she left?"

"She stayed at the hotel but came over early. We did a whole thing. Breakfast and presents."

"Good thing we got you that tree then, huh?" Lexa smiles. It had been a point of contention that she'd won with a wiggle of her eyebrows and a few deep kisses. Clarke folded without much fight after that.

"Mhm." It's content. "She pestered me with questions about you, was mad I didn't let her meet you."

Again, Lexa flutters. "Oh?"

"Yeah…" Clarke's voice trails off, almost gone.

"Take your nap, Clarke. We'll talk later." She wants nothing more than to get the story out of Clarke, but she knows it's a lost cause right now.

"Okay…" It's barely a word. Lexa finds herself more amused than anything. Completely endeared to Clarke and her see-through motives. "Love you."

It still makes her heart stop beating in her chest for a full breath before it kick starts and runs away with her.

Those words.

From that girl.

"Love you, now sleep." She barely gets it out, her smile so wide.

Xx

Lexa is antsy.

Has been since the night before when she packed up her bag.

Since a quick shower and breakfast with her parents and a short ride to the airport.

Since sitting down on the plane and buckling her seat belt.

She is antsy and she is beyond caring at this point. All she can think about is Clarke.

And how the holiday apart was weirder than it had any right to be, but she's not willing to talk herself out of it anymore. There's a tiny wrapped gift in her bag. Small and not even a thing, but something.

Because, really, what do you get the girl you've been in love with for ages, sleeping with for months and only just now finally starting a relationship with?

There was hemming and hawing over it for weeks. Internal debate. A quick pass by Anya that was regretted as soon as it was said.

In the end, it felt right.

Because it's Clarke.

And she is in love.

And now she sits in a car on the way to Clarke's loft, antsy and bouncing her knees. Checking her phone and firing off texts. Flirting her way through traffic and ready to walk in and scoop up her girl.

She arrives at Clarke's building still a mess of excitement and a slight bit of anxiety.

Nervous excitement.

Like she feels before a big case.

Her hands tingle and her smile is already embedded in her cheeks. She waves to the doorman and gets on the groaning elevator and tries to breathe.

She gets two soft raps on the door before it's opening. Clarke is there with bright, shining eyes and a ridiculous Christmas sweater on her frame. Her smile, though. Lexa can't look away from her smile.

Even more astounding than usual.

Lexa will claim that smile. It's hers. It belongs to them in this moment more than anything else. She burns it into her memory.

"Hi," she breathes out. Breathless just from Clarke opening her door.

"Hey, stranger." Clarke reaches out and grabs her wrist, tugging her inside. "I'm glad you're back."

The door shuts behind them and Lexa's bag goes on the floor, where her work bag usually rests. Her boots slide off and her coat works its way off her shoulders with Clarke's help. Lexa stands and watches it happen.

Watches Clarke move around her. Get her comfortable again.

Hang the coat over the back of the couch and run her hands up Lexa's arms.

The seeing and the feeling overwhelms her.

They've spent longer time apart. Busy schedules and the ambiguity of their relationship had led to stretches apart at times.

But it's different now.

Now that they're… them.

Clarke runs her hands up Lexa's arms and wraps around her shoulders, pulling their bodies closer. Her eyes are dark and her smile is wicked and Lexa wants nothing more than to lean down and take it from her. Swallow it whole.

But she can't move. Not yet.

Frozen with the way Clarke studies her. Feels her.

Her own hands rest on Clarke's hips, slide around to the small of her back and lessen the space even more.

"Miss me?" She means it to sound teasing and light. And it does, but there's an undercurrent. It draws Clarke's eyes to hers.

"As much as I don't want to deal with your monster of an ego, I will admit that I did."

A buzzing starts then. In her heart and works out from her insides. Reaches out for Clarke.

"I missed you, too."

Clarke perks up at that and Lexa can't wait any longer. Finally kissing her. Claiming those lips again in a kiss that's so gentle it almost kills her.

It's all she's wanted for the barely three, more like two and change, days that they were apart.

This moment.

She is not too big to admit it.

She finally has all of Clarke now. Leaving when it's still delicate, still new and not quite balanced, was harder than she ever thought it could be.

Clarke is the one who pulls away. Who leans her forehead against Lexa and breathes her in. Who scratches the back of her neck in that way she always does when she's feeling too much to vocalize.

They stay there for a moment. Readjusting. Getting their bearings. Sharing quiet intimacy.

"I brought you something," Lexa breaks the comfortable silence. Remembering the small gift that sits wrapped in her bag. "It's… not a lot, but, I saw it and…"

"Lex-" Clarke stops her flustered speech with a soft kiss. A barely there brush of lips that sends a jolt throughout her body.

"Okay, it's in my bag." She doesn't move to grab it though. Pulls Clarke back in instead for another kiss. Deeper and fuller than their last. Her hands slide up under Clarke's sweater in search of skin. She's rewarded with a light nip. "I like this, by the way."

"My horrendous sweater?"

"Mhm," she hums, leaning back in for yet another kiss. Not wholly satisfied in her reacquaintance with Clarke's mouth. "It suits you."

"It suits me?" Clarke moves her head and ducks Lexa's next attempt.

Lexa laughs, "What?"

"You're just… weird sometimes."

"You like it."

"I do," she purrs and closes the gap, running her nose up Lexa's neck and dropping a few pecks there. "Mom got me this, it's a thing she has- she used to get them for my dad and now she gives them to me. One a year. Plus I have a few of his old ones."

"You mean to tell me you've been holding out on me, Griff? A secret Christmas sweater collection has been here this whole time?"

"Oh? I've been holding out on you?" She raises an eyebrow and cocks her head and heat pools in Lexa's belly.

"You're gonna have to show me the rest now," she says. Low and close to Clarke's ear. Enjoying this little game they've stumbled into. "This one might be my favorite though, just because it was the first."

"Yeah? It's also itchy as fuck."

"Well, I might be able to help you out with that…"

"Hope so, Woods." Her eyes are dark but there's a cheeky look on her face. Her hands move and shove Lexa away. "I want my present first though."

Lexa rolls her eyes and steps out of Clarke's hold. "Why am I not surprised?" She leans down and rummages through the bag, pulling the small box out, suddenly nervous again.

"Don't get all weird, Lex. I got you something, too." Clarke kisses her cheek and accepts her gift. Scratching at the plaid wrapping paper carefully and pulling the box out. She opens it and her eyes widen and soften and Lexa releases a breath.

It's a small sliver business card holder. Lexa spotted it when she was at the mall with her dad trying to help him find something to give her mother. Last minute and frantic as always.

Clarke tilts it in her hands and the etching catches on the light that filters into the large windows from the sunny winter day outside.

Clarke Griffin, Esq.

"Lexa…"

Lexa shrugs. "I figured you're starting your new position soon and you'll have some new cards now. You've gotta make all these new contacts."

"It's perfect." She looks up and the smile lives in her eyes and on her cheeks. "I love it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Clarke kisses her, quick but full of meaning. "This is great! Plus I didn't have one before."

"I know, I've seen you dig around in your bag to hand out cards and... really, Clarke? Come on."

Clarke giggles and Lexa feels that burst of pride she has grown accustomed to.

"I just never got around to it, okay?" She whines but pulls Lexa in for a hug. Drops another kiss on her cheek.

"Mhm, sure, Griff."

"Do you want your present or not, Woods? Because teasing me is not the way to get it."

"Oh? You think that's true? I have a few tricks up my sleeve…" She grabs Clarke and pulls them close, growling playfully into her neck and enjoying the squeal she earns. Clarke just laughs louder and Lexa's heart swells and swells.

"Alright, alright…" Clarke is breathless and shining. She steps back out of Lexa's grasp, but tangles their fingers together and tugs towards the bed. "Come on, then."

"To bed? Is my present dirty?" Lexa smirks, Clarke rolls her eyes.

"Three days away has you thirsty."

"Absolutely parched."

Clarke pulls them to the closet and opens the door wider, gesturing inside. It takes Lexa a moment to catch up. To see the message that is now there, clear as day.

Space.

Clarke made her some space.

"Griff," she whispers, too scared to look at the skittish creature she has attached herself to.

"You also have two official drawers in the dresser, a shelf in the shower and some more space in the bathroom for your stuff."

"Yeah?" She does look then. When Clarke's fingers tighten around her own and she inches closer to Lexa. Needing the steadiness.

"It took a while, but I finally figured you should have some actual room…" She looks down for a second before back up, eyes searching Lexa's face.

"I'm happy to have it." Lexa's free hand finds Clarke's face. Fingertips dusting along her cheek, tucking hair behind her ear. The kiss is sweet. Sweeter than anything yet. Stretching inside and pulling Lexa apart seam by seam only to be remade on Clarke's lips.

"There's one more thing, though." Clarke's breath is warm on her lips. They're still so close. She reaches back behind her to the dresser and grabs the tiny box that rests on top. It's glittery, with a little white bow. She blushes madly as she holds it out for Lexa.

And Lexa's hearing fades out, heartbeat thrumming wildly. Her hands feel shaky as she opens it, unsure of what could possibly be inside.

Clarke doesn't look away, and Lexa's breath catches when she finds a key nestled inside the box.

"I wanted you to have one, so you don't always have to knock or wait for me to get home. I know you've charmed the doormen downstairs but… you should have a key."

Lexa's mouth goes dry.

"Clarke," she starts, then stops. Clarke's hand tilts her chin up from where her eyes are still locked on the key to her own.

"I'm serious about this, about us. I wanted to show you that I mean it."

"I know-" she stops and swallows, tries to wet her tongue. "I know you are, that you do."

"Good. But that doesn't mean I won't stop showing you."

Lexa nods. Overwhelmed by Clarke and the strength with which she loves.

The key goes back on the dresser and Lexa's hands wrap around Clarke, pulling her in for a greedy, needy, kiss. And Clarke meets her beat for beat, hands twisting in her hair, gripping and possessive. It's always been the easiest way for them to speak. Like this. With mouths and hands and bodies.

They break apart, breathless. Eyes wild and lips red and bruised.

"Can I take you to bed now?" Lexa gets it out, miraculously.

Clarke nods. Bites her lip and smirks deviously. "You better." Her voice is tinged with lust, vowels huskier than normal. It sends a shock straight to Lexa's core.

A hand moves to her chest, followed by gentle pressure. She lets Clarke push her back against the bed. Falls against it as Clarke leans over her, moves against her with unbridled hunger. It's deep and real and courses through Lexa's veins, sinking in through skin as they touch.

The wool sweater lands on the floor with a soft thud and Clarke's bra follows quickly and Lexa's mouth works over every inch of skin that it can. Soon she's being stripped of her own clothes and flung up higher on the bed.

And she follows Clarke.

Her lead. Her tone. Her mouth, her hands.

Comes quick and hard around Clarke's fingers and doesn't bother trying to catch her breath before she's working her hand between them and dipping inside Clarke. Clarke undulates against her, moves with ease, with need. Dips down and hides her face in Lexa's neck, her hips never slowing. Never stopping.

She only lifts her head up when she's on the edge of it. Lexa can feel it begin, can feel the end getting closer and closer. Clarke looks up and finds her waiting. It's a look that levels Lexa. Completely shakes her off balance. And then Clarke is breaking, Lexa's name said in a rush of heat.

Xx

Lexa dozes. Sweaty and almost too hot, but not willing to move an inch with Clarke on top of her. Tucked into her. Hand softly grazing her ribs. She sighs and Clarke's lips drop a soft kiss against her collarbone. Another on her jaw. She hums happily and Clarke props herself up with a smile.

"Have I mentioned that I'm glad you're back?"

"And you're the one who called me thirsty. Imagine that."

Clarke laughs and drops down to kiss Lexa. Her laughter tastes bright and real.

"So you liked the present, then?"

Lexa studies her girlfriend, trying to determine if this is merely Clarke posturing. And she is. Mostly. But there's a genuine curiosity to her features.

"I loved it." She squeezes Clarke's hip and holds her eyes, waiting for Clarke to hear it.

"Good, yeah." She nods and readjusts herself, pulling her body more directly over Lexa's. Not even bothering to try to hide her intent.

"What's good is that your ego matches mine." She rolls her eyes and accepts the playful nip that Clarke leaves on the hinge of her jaw.

"Yeah, yeah, Woods." She works her mouth along Lexa's neck. A knee slides between her legs and hips start a slow grind.

"Did you just yeah yeah me?" Lexa gasps, opening her legs wider for Clarke.

"I did."

"Wow. Very romantic, Griff."

"I gave you a key. And closet space. And some drawers. I'm very romantic." Her mouth moves slowly to Lexa's collarbones.

"You did, you are."

"And a few orgasms." Lips brush up against a nipple.

"Probably some more soon, too."

"If you play your cards right." The other one gets attention now. Pulled between teeth.

"I can play nice," she husks out. Hands twisting in Clarke's already messy hair.

"Oh, I know you can, Lex" She moves further down and purrs. Lexa's stomach flips and plummets with that purr. Clarke moves lower and lower. Looking up one last time from between Lexa's legs. "Merry Christmas," she says with a smirk.

And it's the last coherent thing that's said for a while.

Xx

It's not until later, much later, that Lexa feels it. That feeling she was chasing all day yesterday.

It finally feels like Christmas.

Sitting on the couch in one of Clarke's itchy Christmas sweaters, long legs settled over Clarke's lap as they sip spiked cocoa and watch lame, cheesy movies. The lights on the tree in the corner twinkle in the evening light. Clarke's little laughs and whispered asides sink inside. Her soft, small, absent-minded touches have Lexa practically purring with contentment.

She wants to live in this moment for as long as she can. Stretch it as far as it will go and then some.

And she never wants to have another Christmas without Clarke by her side.

Everything is so much better with her.

"What?" Clarke notices she's being studied. Her eyebrow quirks up and her eyes sparkle even more with the Christmas lights. She smiles, knowing the answer.

"Nothing," Lexa shrugs. Blushes fiercely. "Just… I like this Christmas."

"Who knew the holidays got you so sentimental?"

Lexa scoffs and playfully kicks at Clarke's stomach. Clarke rolls her eyes but leans across their bodies anyway. Dropping a soft kiss on Lexa's lips.

"I love you, you absolute goon."

[mythicalsecretsanta]

Christmas Memories: Peppermint & Chocolate (T)

This gift is for: @cypriusgray The flavors of peppermint and chocolate are a traditional Christmas combination. For Rhett and Link, they have an extra layer of meaning. Happy Rhinky Holidays! From your Secret Santa, @rileyrooin 

Link to AO3, or read below:

December 25, 2017

Rhett paced in the driveway, partially to stave off the chill in the air, partially to calm the nerves in his stomach. He hadn’t been able to shake away a feeling of unease since Link had texted him earlier to ask if they could get together that night. Barring some kind of press engagement, they were good about sticking to their agreement to spend the holidays apart. It had been years since they’d gotten together on Christmas, just the two of them.

A short while later, an unfamiliar SUV pulled into the driveway. Link lifted a hand in greeting as Rhett climbed inside the rental vehicle.

“Nice hat,” Rhett scoffed as he took in the sight of the Santa hat perched on Link’s head.

“I’m glad you like it. I brought you one, too. Put it on.” He tossed it to him.

Rhett grumbled as he pulled the hat over his head, but it was mostly for show. He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he glanced at Link. “So, where are we headed?”

“Home.” Without further explanation, Link cranked up the volume on the music playing through the speakers and pulled out of the driveway. They didn’t speak as they drove down 421 toward Buies Creek. Rhett pondered over Link’s minimal clues and wondered exactly what his friend had in store for them in the coming hours. It wasn’t until Link turned the car onto Judge Taylor Road that Rhett recognized their intended destination: the graveyard. It had been the spot they’d met at for years in their youth.

It had also been a very long time since they’d been there together.

Rhett noticed his palms had begun to sweat. Surreptitiously, he wiped his hands on his thighs.

Link killed the engine, plunging them into darkness and silence. He popped open the console in between their seats. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft, “Got ya a little something.” From within the console, he pulled out a tin of Trader Joe’s Peppermint Bark.

“Thought we weren’t doing gifts this year.”

“Yeah, well, we also weren’t meeting up on the break, either, and look at how well we’re doing with that.” He looked at Rhett for the first time since pulling into the graveyard. “Besides, I know your love language.”

Rhett felt his breath catch in his throat at this comment. “Oh.” He took the tin with shaking hands. “Thanks.”

The men fell silent again. After a minute, Link whispered, “Remember the last Christmas we were here together?”

Rhett looked at him incredulously. “Of course I remember. How could I ever forget it?”

December 25, 1996

The air was cold. Much colder than usual for Christmas night. Not quite cold enough for snow, but cold enough that Rhett hugged himself as he waited for Link to appear at their rendezvous spot at the graveyard. He could have driven, sure, but it was tradition to go on bike or foot.

He hadn’t been sure Link would want to continue the tradition since they were now roommates at NC State. They spent more time together than ever before. But, sure enough, Link had called the McLaughlin house that morning to confirm they were going to meet up for Christmas. As Rhett had walked to the cemetery, he’d felt an unusual sense of excitement. No. Not unusual. It was normal to be excited to see your best friend, especially when it had been days since they’d last hung out.

His heart gave a traitorous leap when he spotted Link emerging from the shadows of the trees. He had a backpack slung over one shoulder which he deposited on the ground at their feet as he pulled Rhett into a back-slapping hug.

“Hey, Rhett. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Link studied his face carefully as they pulled apart. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“You fightin’ with your dad?”

“No.”

“Cole?”

“Nobody’s fighting!”

“Okay, okay.” Link held up a hand. Rhett could see the cogs in Link’s brain turning as he tried to figure out why Rhett seemed off. “Is it about a girl?”

“Link. Stop. Seriously, man.”

The scrutiny of Link’s eyes was too much for him. He decided to change the subject. “Uh, so, what’s the plan? We going to your house?”

“Eventually. I had something else in mind first.” He reached into his backpack and produced a green Stanley thermos. It had been Link’s dad’s at one point. It was old, and its age showed through the dents and scuff on its surface. But, it was also sturdy and reliable. The two of them had used the thermos on many a camping trip. Rhett and Link settled on the ground beneath a tree, far from any of the graves.

When Rhett took a sip from the container, he was surprised by an unexpected flavor in the hot chocolate. “What is that?”

“Peppermint schnapps.” Link’s lips twisted up in a mischievous grin.

“You don’t even like peppermint.”

“Seemed appropriately festive.” He shrugged.

They spent the next thirty minutes passing the thermos back and forth between them, sipping the hot chocolate while they caught up on the past few days away from each other. Link was telling a particularly animated story about one of his aunts when they reached the end of the thermos. As he listened to Link’s words, a warmth washed over Rhett’s chest that he couldn’t entirely attribute to the alcohol.

Link set the thermos aside and looked at Rhett with concern in his eyes. “Be honest with me. What’s going on, Rhett? You’re acting stressed out.”

“It’s just…” He stared into the darkness ahead of them. “It’s weird, you know? At school, we’re adults. Or some version of them, anyway. But, we get back here, and I feel like a kid again. And not in a good way. My parents were asking so many questions. They wanted to know when I’d be back, and what we were going to be doing, and why we needed to hang out when we live together at school.”

Link shrugged. “Well, it’s not the first time they’ve been weird about us. It won’t be the last, either.”

Rhett swallowed hard. There was something about the way Link said ‘us’ that set the hairs on the back of his neck on end. He knew he needed to answer Link. He settled on a noncommittal nod of agreement.

“If you had unlimited freedom, what would you do?”

“Hmm,” Rhett paused. “I’d visit every Bojangles in North Carolina and get an order of biscuits, just to say I’d done it.”

“You could moon every house in between here and Raleigh.”

“I could wander town while wearing a toga with no purpose.”

“With your best friend by your side?”

“Naturally.”

The two continued suggesting options, each more absurd than the previous. They giggled, shoulders pressed together. For the first time since coming home for the holidays, everything seemed right in Rhett’s world.

A short while later, they were packing Link’s backpack, getting ready to walk to Link’s house when he stopped. Link straightened himself to his full height. He stared at Rhett, eyes intense. “So, listen,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t exactly get you a present this year. And I can’t give you unlimited freedom. But, I was thinkin’…”

“Yeah?”

“You should kiss me.”

Rhett did a double-take, shuffling backward until he ran into the trunk of the tree. Link matched his movements, stepping forward. He was close enough that Rhett could smell the mingled scents of mint and chocolate on his breath.

“What did you say?” Rhett asked, his voice strangled.

“You heard me.” Link’s words were challenging. “Kiss me, Rhett.”

Rhett took in the sight of the man in front of him, searching for any hints of a joke. Link held his gaze, unwavering. Rhett wet his lips. “Very funny.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Fine, then. If it ain’t a joke, why don’t you kiss me?”

He was sure Link would back off at that taunt. Instead, he smirked up at Rhett. Then, almost business-like, he used a firm hand on the back of Rhett’s head to guide their mouths together. At the initial contact of their lips, all sounds around them went fuzzy in Rhett’s ears. Their kiss was hesitant as each of them adjusted to the feeling of this new experience. Then, slowly, they both grew more comfortable. They leaned into the kiss, hands falling to each other’s waists and they pressed their bodies closer together. Rhett could taste the hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps on Link’s tongue, but there was something else, something so uniquely Link. He eagerly chased the forbidden flavor with his tongue.

When they eventually broke apart, Rhett was afraid to open his eyes. He wasn’t sure what he’d see. When he worked up the courage to do so, his heart sank. Instead of seeing an expression of wonder that mirrored his own emotions, Link seemed shocked. His mouth was agape. He blinked up at Rhett, eyes unfocused and watery. “I… You… We just…” He took one step backwards.

Then, he took another.

Rhett finally found his voice. “Link?”

“I’m sorry, Rhett. I shouldn’t have.” He scooped up his backpack, avoiding making eye contact with Rhett. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I should go.”

“Wait, Link. Please don’t.”

It was too late. Link disappeared into the darkness, leaving Rhett all alone in the graveyard with nothing but the flavors of peppermint and chocolate swirling on his tongue.

December 25, 2017

They had agreed never to talk about it again. They’d also stopped meeting at the graveyard, telling others they were “too mature” for it. But, they both knew the truth.

Rhett traced his hand across the lid of the metal tin as he waited for Link to say something to explain their presence there after over two decades of pretending that night had never happened.

Link said, “I was thinking about that night after we filmed our Trader Joe’s peppermint taste test.”

“Peppermint bark,” Rhett said, understanding dawning on him.

“Peppermint bark,” he echoed.

He reached over and lay his hand on top of the tin, next to Rhett’s. Their pinkies crept closer to one another until they were touching. It was a small point of contact, but it felt incendiary. He didn’t dare look Link’s way; he kept his eyes on their hands.

“On that night, I didn’t anticipate how much I would like the flavors of peppermint and chocolate together.”

“It’s a pretty obvious combination to everyone else.”

“I know. Guess I just needed time to adjust.”

“You weren’t ready for that combination yet?”

“Exactly. I guess I wasn’t.”

With these words, Link shifted his hand so it rested on top of Rhett’s. Rhett’s fingers twitched, gently brushing against the palm of Link’s hand. Rhett kept his eyes locked on their hands as they laced them together. His pulse pounded in his ears.

Rhett took in a deep breath, wondering if he should ask the question begging to burst free from him.

Before he could, Link spoke. “Do you ever think about how things would be different? If I hadn’t run, I mean. If I’d have been willing to give peppermint and chocolate another try. If I’d have been willing to give us a chance.”

For a moment, Rhett imagined a different version of their lives: one where they’d been together for just as long, not as best friends, but as something much more. His heart ached at the thought of a lifetime worth of lost moments. “It doesn’t do us any good to dwell on the past. We can’t change it,” Rhett said, lifting his eyes to meet Link’s gaze.

“Yeah, but what about the future?” When Rhett didn’t answer, Link pulled his hand away and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Walk with me, Rhett.”

“Walk? Walk where?”

“Indulge me, please.” He opened the car door. “And bring that bark. We might get hungry.”

Their walk didn’t take them far. They moved silently through the dark graveyard, stopping when they reached a tree—the tree. The men faced each other.

“Are we too late?” Link’s voice broke a bit on the last word of this question.

Rhett backed him against the tree, the same way Link had done to him all those years ago. “I don’t know, man. You want a do-over?”

“Yes.”

It had been a long time since he’d allowed himself to have any hope related to this. As he calculated his next move, Rhett opened the peppermint bark container. He broke off a tiny chunk of bark and popped it into his mouth. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to kiss me.”

Rhett didn’t have to wait for Link to force contact between them this time. He dipped his head down and pressed his lips to Link’s. He used his tongue to push the piece of peppermint bark into Link’s mouth. As their tongues met again after such a long absence, the flavors of the bark mixed together in their mouths. There was none of the timidity that had characterized their first kiss. They were both eager, making up for all of the Christmas kisses they’d missed out on over the years. Link let out a low moan and pulled back. Rhett’s heart lurched as he braced himself for another rejection. Instead, Link spat the bark onto the ground.

“Don’t want that. Just want you.” He gripped the sides of Rhett’s face and slotted their mouths together again. The metal tin slid from Rhett’s hand and clattered to the ground. He was vaguely aware of his Santa hat falling from his head as Link tangled his fingers in Rhett’s hair, but paid it no mind. Just as they had two decades before, the two men moved closer, eliminating any space between their bodies.

Rhett knew there were questions and explanations that would need to come later. But, in that moment, all that mattered were the two breathless, disheveled men who had waited half of their lives for this second chance. Pulling back, Rhett pressed his forehead against Link’s.

“How was that?”

“Well, I’m not running away this time.”

“Good,” Rhett said. “Don’t need to repeat everything from that Christmas.”

“Yeah,” Link sighed against his lips. “Merry Christmas, Rhett.”

Rhett responded by pulling him in for another deep kiss.

[lozenger8]

They All Disappear From View (I Only Have Eyes For You)

This is a Halloween themed (but not at all spooky) Scott/Stiles ficlet for @scottstiles because Divvy is truly wonderful. Thanks to @skittlestrash for prompt suggestions!

“We never got to go to prom,” Stiles says one day, late in September.

It’s true. They’d been all set, had everything planned, and then an omega werewolf had come crashing into Scott’s world half an hour before they were supposed to arrive at the Beacon Hills gym.

Scott doesn’t understand why Stiles is bringing it up over a year later via FaceTime.

“No,” he says, cautious like he’s learned to be, where Stiles is concerned. “We didn’t.”

“There’s this party planned for Halloween,” Stiles continues, either not noticing or ignoring Scott’s hesitation. “And I thought you might wanna leave California during the time of ghastly ghouls, given, you know, our vast and horrible history with them.”

“You want me to fly thousands of miles cross-country to spend Halloween  with you?” Scott asks. He waits a beat, two. “I’m there.”

Stiles smiles and it’s beautiful. Scott feels his heart physically skip a beat. “Great!” he says, not an ounce of sarcasm in his tone, which is… Scott’s not sure he’s ever heard that before. Not even when they were nine. “Got any ideas for costumes?”

No. No he hasn’t. He hasn’t had to think of a Halloween costume since he was twelve. They didn’t bother in their teens, first because no one ever invited them anywhere, and second because they were too busy combatting the scary creatures of the night.

“Maybe I could just wolf out?”

“Y’boring.”

“What’s your brilliant idea, then?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll get back to you.”

They spend the rest of the video call talking about their pack and their studies and there’s a reason this is Scott’s favorite day of the week. Talking to Stiles revitalizes and soothes him. He can tell, by how Stiles’ breathing changes, how he settles on his bed, that the same’s true for Stiles.

*

Over the next week, Scott gets messages every day from Stiles, filled with links to low-cost or low-effort costumes. They’re never both. Scott saves links for the ones he might be capable of and discards the ones he’s pretty sure Stiles sent as a joke: sexy vampire, sexy vet, sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. He starts sending Stiles his own suggestions: sexy werewolf, sexy FBI agent, sexy Finn from Adventure Time (that last one is just upsetting, but so was the TMNT.)  

“Most people I know made or chose their costumes in February,” Stiles whines, two weeks later.

“Most people you know are freaks and you know I include myself in that category,” Scott says, raising his eyebrow. “What about themed costumes, like I’ll be an egg and you’ll be bacon. Or you’ll be a jar of peanut butter and I’ll be a block of chocolate. Or, hey! I’ll finally be the Robin to your Batman.”

“You want us to wear couples costumes.” Stiles says, voice flat.

“You hate it.”

“No. I don’t. I’m surprised. I kinda love the idea. How do you feel about attaching cinnamon rolls to the sides of your head?”

“I don’t want to be Queen Layla.”

“You deliberately fucked that up, because you’re pure, unadulterated evil. But okay, I’ll think some more. Talk soon.”

*

Before he’s even aware of it, it’s nearly time for Scott to fly to DC. In between classes, pack meetings, college lacrosse and his part-time job, the weeks soar by. And he and Stiles are still costumeless. Scott’s about two sleepless nights away from suggesting they go as Adam and Steve in the garden of Eden. When he does suggest it, at the end of his tether, he starts a joint six minute rendition of In a Gadda Da Vida with air guitar, tabletop drumming and fake organ-playing.

“I didn’t know you were such an exhibitionist,” Stiles says after a long, showy drink of water.

“I’m not.”

“As a last resort, we’ll go as each other, down to every last detail. I’m talking underpinnings too, Scotty.”

“No one knows me and we wear practically the same clothes anyway,” Scott points out, more stressed out than he’d care to admit.

“Honestly?” Stiles says, staring into the camera like he’s staring into Scott’s soul. “The costumes are immaterial. Having you here is more important to me.”

Scott wants to reach out and touch him. Hold his hand and draw him close. He settles for softly smiling. “Same, dude.”

*

The airport is a bustle of activity and Scott’s feeling queasy from the flight, exhausted because he had a paper due yesterday and had to pull another all-nighter, and so anxious to see Stiles he thinks he’s going to burst.

When Scott finally sees Stiles, pressing through a throng of bodies, the blood in his veins stops pulsing for a moment and his spine tingles.

Stiles is pale and his heart’s rocketing a mile a minute. He looks around for a second before sprinting up to Scott and launching himself at him. Scott wraps him up in a tight hug and sways him from side-to-side.

“Hi,” Stiles whispers. He pulls away an inch, stares into Scott’s eyes. He’s beautiful over FaceTime, but he’s mesmerizing here. “Good flight?”

“Horrendous. Atrocious. Fucking appalling. But it got me here, so it was totally worth it.”

“You brought your potty-mouth with you. I like it,” Stiles says. Neither of them have moved further apart. Not yet.

“I thought you preferred my pure and sweet mouth?”

Stiles’ gaze focuses on Scott’s lips and the hollows of his cheeks go deep, bright pink. “I like them both to equal degrees.”

Scott’s about to run with that, to take the chance he’s been thinking about since a week after Christmas, a week after the last time he and Stiles were in the same space, but Stiles takes his backpack and marches them toward an airport shuffle bus, chattering all the way about the friends he’s going to introduce to Scott.

*

In Stiles’ room there are large rectangles of cardboard, acrylic paints, sharpies, and tubes of glitter glue all stacked up against one side. Stiles places Scott’s bag on one of the beds, mutters something about his roomie staying with his boyfriend.

“So what’s the plan?”

“The party’s at 9 and I thought maybe we could make FaceTime frames around ourselves, sort of a meta commentary thing.”

“That’s probably the cutest idea you’ve had in your entire life.”

“It wasn’t mine. Mason suggested it.”

Scott laughs, bumps into Stiles. “Of course. Are you gonna offer me a drink and something to eat or is it straight-up nose to the grindstone?”

Stiles glances at the cardboard, back at Scott, at the cardboard again, shrugs. “It can wait another hour. Party technically starts at 9, so we both know it won’t be worthwhile until at least 10:30.”

They grab sodas, fries and burgers from Five Guys to take back to Stiles’ room, sit cross-legged opposite each other on Stiles’ bed. They talk about everything and nothing and it’s nice, hearing the cadence of Stiles’ voice without distortion. Being able to see his myriad expressions without lag.

After they’re finished eating, Scott rests his hand on his belly and slumps against the wall, drifts into a warm and safe mindset. Stiles mirrors him. They talk about movies they’ve seen and all the things they haven’t gotten to watch yet. Eventually they lie down next to each other, Scott with his eyes closed, listening to the metronomic precision of Stiles’ heart.

“You don’t wanna go to this party, do you?” Stiles asks, when it’s gotten dark outside and Scott’s half-dozing.

“It’d mean I’d have to share you again,” Scott confesses, taking Stiles’ hand in his own and resting it on his chest. Stiles’ skin feels so good against his, warm and smooth. Scott loves the weight and security he feels from the simple touch.

“When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound very appealing, no.”

“Why did you wanna go?”

Stiles sighs, starts stroking fingers through Scott’s hair with his free hand, tender and slow. “I wanted to show you off. This is Scotty, the best friend I’ve been talking about for months on end. He’s the greatest person I know.”

“Hard for them not to take that as an insult,” Scott says, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

“For some of them, that’s the intention.”

Scott opens his eyes, bites his lip when he sees Stiles’ affectionate half-smile. He thinks – he’s pretty sure – how he’s been feeling isn’t one-sided. Stiles is still scratching his nails lightly against Scott’s scalp, rubbing his thumb at the center of his chest.

“You’re not too disappointed, are you?”

“Are you kidding? All I really wanted was you.”

“You got me,” Scott says, placing his hand at the back of Stiles’ head and craning up at the same time, telegraphing his intentions clearly. Stiles matches him, bending down to close the distance, until they’re almost touching lips. “So life fulfilled,” Scott finishes before claiming his kiss.

It’s sweet and tentative, a gentle exploration that fills Scott up and makes him feel whole.

They didn’t get to go to prom, and they didn’t get to go to this Halloween party, but they got to be together, and that’s all that really matters.

[medicalmyanne]

MedicalMyanne’s Best of 2017: A Comprehensive Gift Guide

I am a huge fan of practical gifts. If an item can be used daily, while still reminding you of your beloved, I consider it the perfect present. Below are my Christmas/Holiday gift ideas for any student in your life, ranging from $1.75 to under $100 for 2017.

Stocking Stuffers:

1. MUJI Polycarbonate Pens - $1.75

We get it -- med students study. Make it more bearable by gifting the student in your life a decent pen they won’t lose within hours. These MUJI polycarbonate pens write like a dream. They are retractable, write smoothly, and come in 6 different ink colors (black, teal, magenta, true blue, red, and orange). These don’t tend to leak like the original MUJI capped pens (as much as I like these as well), and are great for white coat pockets, college students, and even Grandma, who loves to pen you a letter every now & then. 

2. BadgeBlooms Badge Reel - $6

Melissa is a nurse-turned-entrepreneur based in Chicago, IL. Her Etsy shop is stocked full of badge reels for every medical professional in your life. My personal favorite are her felt badges -- created into human organs, cute animals, and the most adorable inanimate objects (think - tacos, pineapples, cupcakes!). I own 2 of these myself & they are of great quality. At under $10, these would be great stocking stuffers or for several nurses on your floor while on a student budget. BadgeBloom’s huge selection gives you a chance to make it personal (everyone has a favorite animal or organ), and a badge reel is practical in its every day use. Your recipient will be reminded of you every time he/she puts on his/her badge. 

3. Glossier Balm Dot Coms (lip salve) - $12

Makeup is universal, but chapped lips shouldn’t be. As a chronic lip picker while studying, the Mint BDC has been my holy grail. Balm Dot Coms come in 6 different scents (Original/Unscented, Rose, Mint, Coconut, Cherry Birthday Cake). I have always found gifting makeup to be an extremely personal preference, but lip balm is something that gives more leeway. Mint is my personal favorite (think Burt’s Bee’s classic lip balm, but way less waxy), and I’ve gifted them to a couple of friends already. Boys -- this would be a great idea so your girl doesn’t have to exchange a foundation 3 shades too light at a Sephora 30 mins away. You can get 20% off your entire Glossier purchase using my affiliate link here. Balm Dot Coms also come in a trio -- you’ll get any 3 flavors for $30, saving yourself a cool $6. You can spend that on a Burrito Bowl all for you, and cover 3 stocking stuffers for your 3 besties this holiday season. 

4. The gift of giving back - Starbucks/Tiff’s Treats Gift Card - $20

Give for others to give -- literally. I have always been a huge fan of “just because��� gifts, and with friends all fighting their own battles in grad school, I like to give a little pick-me-up to someone to brighten their day. Give a gift card to Starbucks or a food-delivery company -- not for your recipient, but so they can treat someone, too.

Recently, I’ve started placing Starbucks “To-Go” mobile orders in various locations, based on my recipient’s current location (must be within 100 miles, I believe). All your recipient has to do is pop in & pick it up -- and it’s already pre-paid by you.

If you are based in Texas, Tiff’s Treats is a cookie delivery company who delivers freshly baked cookies right to your loved one’s doorstep. I think I’ve placed over 20 orders for birthdays, as thank yous, and just a little “thinking of you” surprise. They’ve recently amped up their packaging, and you can even write a personalized note to your recipient for free. The delivery comes wrapped in a bow, and comes baked fresh & piping hot (they call your recipient to confirm their delivery prior to baking!). Give a gift card to your beloved to encourage them to treat someone special in their life, too.

Mid-Range:

5. SLMD Daytime Acne Lotion or Clarifying Treatment - $30/each

Dr. Pimple Popper, need I say more? I’ve battled with my skin nearly all of my life, and have been loving the SLMD line. The Daytime Acne Lotion is 2.5% benzoyl peroxide, which kills acne-causing bacteria, and the Clarifying Treatment contains retinol, a Vitamin A derivative shown to reduce blackheads, fine lines, and even wrinkles. I was first introduced to these when I started the  SLMD 30-Day Acne System (also a great gift idea @ $45). I loved both these items so much, when I finished the trial as well as my normal prescribed topicals, I purchased full sizes of the Acne Lotion & Clarifying Treatment to keep my stress-induced acne at bay.

6. White Coat Clipboard - $25-31

Move over PSLs & UGG boots -- it’s time for the real basic grad school essential. Sleek enough to fit into a white coat pocket, practical enough to have high-yield lab values & fit a whole stack of paper, white coat clipboards are the way to go. I have one as a hand-me-down from an upper-level and was recently given a brand new gorgeous teal one from my med school Big! They come in tons of colors (pink, purple, black, etc.). Be sure to differentiate the medical vs. nursing versions based on the future life-saver you’re giving it to. 

White Coat Clipboards are made of metal, and it folds with well-built hinges. These would also be great for high school students just starting to volunteer at hospitals, pre-meds beginning their shadowing experiences, or even physicians who’ve been in the game for a while. Its convenience & durability lasts several years, and can withstand the test of time, as well as the years dedicated to your craft.

7. A Freshly subscription - $45

Meal delivery right to your front doorstep. Not even a box of ingredients you’ll have to wash, cut, and prepare. Straight up food -- chef-prepared, packaged with care, and all you have to do is heat it up. Freshly came in so clutch during block exam weeks for me, I ordered an additional week after that and thought I lost all knowledge of how to cook after the 7 days in heaven ended. Not to mention -- their customer service is amazing. They’ll personally call you to confirm food allergies, remind you of your delivery date several hours before, and have your box filled with ice packs to keep your food fresh if you’re working late. Though “surprise” & trial boxes like FabFitFun & Sephora Play!, etc. are absolutely adorable, the greatest gift, in my opinion, is the gift of convenience & not having to wash dishes (hahah). This would be perfect for truly anyone -- a best friend, boyfriend, or a struggling classmate -- nose-deep in finals, recovering from post-call, or “just because” on a lazy week.

You can use code med639 to save $20 off your first 6 meals. I receive no commission nor compensation from this code.

BOUJEE:

8. NurseMates Anni-Lo Shoes - $76.95

These are the cutest shoes known to man. Anni-Los scream comfort with its orthotic shape & adorable mix between the Sperrys & Keds aesthetic. I have these in white & wear them literally every day. I love them so much, I actually ordered a second pair in the same size & color just in case these wear out. These run true size (I wear size 7 normally in shoes, and have these in size 7). Annie-Los can be worn with scrubs or even out in daily life, and even have a little platform that elongate & flatter your legs if you have shorter ones like me.

9. FIGS scrubs - $86

Yes. The hype is very, very real. FIGS are the most flattering scrubs in the game. It boasts a draped & tapered fit, luxe fabric, and an admirable mission to boot (buy one pair, they give a pair to a health professional in need). These are by far the most flattering scrubs I own, their customer service team is a dream to work with, and they really do believe in the concept of altruism (read about their work for Hurricane Harvey here). I am rather petite (5′3″) and a ride-or-die top-tucker. My picks are the Catarina top ($38, chest pocket for optimal tucking) & the Kade Cargo Pants ($48). They recently released a bunch of new colors (burgundy, dark harbor, white) & lots of other “lifestyle” wear. I’ve always been a fan of their lifestyle vest (comes with lots of secret pockets, which I believe is discontinued) and their long-sleeve underscrub (also the most flattering long-sleeves I wear in autumn).

You can use my code MyanneFIGS for 15% off your entire FIGS purchase. I receive no commission nor compensation from this code. FYI - right now, FIGS is offering complimentary, custom embroidering on all orders to celebrate the holiday season. Be sure to take advantage of this!

10. A freaking good pair of yoga pants - Lululemon Pace Rival Crops - $88

I found Pace Rivals completely by accident -- on a Lululemon clearance rack that was a size too big for me in Canada. These soon & very quickly became my favorite pants. Their length is extremely flattering, and the material is very durable (I feel like I don’t have to baby them as much as Aligns, which are luxuriously butter soft and also a favorite), but still breathable. Because they are a bit looser, I can hide them underneath a white coat and have it low-key kinda-sorta pass as business pants (#teamlazy). I consider Pace Rivals to be truly worth the price you pay for the usage you will get out of them. My picks are a pair in the color black for a professional monochrome look.

[nigelwenttofrance-blog]

That Time I Almost Peed Myself on the Bus

Greetings! 

So, last we talked (er, you read? I guess?), we were having our first Tartiflette Tuesday (#funfacts: we haven’t had one since), and throwing probably very cherished childhood toys of my landlords children into the pool because they stare into your soul and scare the absolute crap out of you! What a time we had 😄

Well as promised at the end of the last post, there was indeed yet another trip to the Netherlands with, guess who!, Sarah to visit one of her high school friends who’s studying in a town called Leiden. This trip was especially fun because after buying my train and bus tickets to get there, we were informed that, contrary to what had been said before, there wouldn’t be room enough for me to stay at her friends house, unless I wanted to sleep on the couch... that was in the kitchen.

Activate: panic mode.

It was entirely out of budget to rent an Airbnb or find a hostel (and there surprisingly weren’t any in Leiden anyway), so I decided to tryout Couchsurfing after hearing success stories from a few friends here and there. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s basically free Airbnb, except you could literally be sleeping on someones couch and people usually only stay for a few days—I definitely didn’t know that last part. After many denials—most likely because I was staying for an entire week, and the week before Christmas—someone said they’d let me stay with them. I tried my best to find one that offered a room or at least a pull out couch, but alas alack, I was unsuccessful in this endeavor. That being said, my host, Christiaan, was incredibly sweet and we got along really well! 

The town of Leiden is small and mostly a college town, and, like most European towns/cities/everything, was adorable. Sarah, her friend and I walked around the town and absorbed the Dutch culture and were also very abruptly and rudely reminded that we had become incredibly accustomed to the warm weather that graces the south of France, and consequently almost froze to death in the Netherlands. 

I have to say, of all my trips to the Netherlands, this was definitely the chillest one I’ve had. Sarah and I were counting our pennies and only went to Amsterdam twice to avoid having to pay the train fare. Looking back, I guess I’m surprised I didn’t try to go more often, but at the same time, it was entirely too cold to be meandering around somewhere that’s also just FULL of tourists. #pass. We of course enjoyed ourselves when we did go, though. She took me to a place called the Foodhallen, which was basically like a food court you find at the mall, except the only shopping to be done was for food of literally any cuisine. French, Italian, tapas, Chinese, Japanese, you name it, they had it. And let me tell y’all, trying to pinch pennies at this place just SO DIFFICULT. Sarah and I wandered around for a while trying to decide what to eat before we realized we would literally eat at any of the places there, and when we did finally get food and sit down to eat it, it was just...so so so so so good. Painfully good, even. But anyway, when we weren’t stuffing our faces full of food in Amsterdam, we spent most of the time either wandering around Leiden, sleeping or just sitting and doing nothing. All things that make up an ideal vacation if I do say so myself. 

To shake things up, though, I made a trip to Rotterdam to visit some friends I had made over the summer while I was working with the Experiment Abroad. It was absolutely amazing to see my friends again, and even better, I was asked to be apart of their gay youth center’s—The Hangout010—drag show. It was, of course, a blast! Beyond making Christiaan think some random woman had broken into his apartment and making heads turn left and right as I walked to and from the train stations in full drag face, it was so much fun to be in such a welcoming and accepting community. Not that Nîmes is homophobic or anything of the sort, but to be somewhere where I knew the things I loved were loved by everyone around me was so comforting. For the drag show, I did my own rendition Aretha Franklin’s rendition of “Don’t Play That Song,” and I think it went pretty well! Fingers crossed for more Aevyn appearances in the future! 

So after a week or so, I headed back to Nîmes while Sarah stayed with her friend for another week or so. Overall, I’d say it was a fun trip! The only potential downfall was that Christiaan, being Dutch, was much more acclimated to the cold weather, and therefore left his apartment just a little...frigid. But then again, I guess it made it much easier to deal with the cold weather when I went outside. #giveandtake

Also worth noting about this trip to the Netherlands, in true Nigel fashion, I quite literally nearly peed myself on the bus from Paris to Amsterdam as I was daydreaming while looking out the window. Somehow, I was so lost in my thoughts that I failed to notice we had been driving along side the TGV line for about 20 minutes. So, when the TGV went flying by, I just had not mentally prepared at all and very audibly gasped, much to the surprise of the person sitting in front of me... oops. But of course that memory will be forever burned into my memory 😍  #triphighlights 

Anyway, after spending about 10 hours at home, I got on another train to meet the family in Nice! I was really excited for this trip because it was the first time a lot of my family had ever been to France, and for a couple, their first time to Europe! What I hadn’t thought of, however, was the fact that not one of them speaks French (not including you, Mom, you’re a francophone in training), so my translation services were constantly being called upon. While mildly irritating, it did feel nice to show my family a part of my life that they’ve never really seen before and to show them a new culture!

When I got there on Christmas day, I was met by my brother, his fiancée, my sister and her husband, and all SEVEN of their bags. Yes, they literally had 7 bags between the 4 of them. 3 of which belonged to my sister and brother-in-law alone, and took up all the space in the trunk. As well as being hilarious, it was also very comforting to see that my sister and I are still very much alike even as we get older 😂 .

Anyway, the first day of my family’s arrival was of course burden by jet lag, so Justin and Jess—the “Js” who had been living in Ireland—and I went into to town and ended up having an absolutely perfect day. There was not a cloud in the sky and the French Riviera blessed us with almost 70º weather. I was not mad about it, y’all.  We walked around Vieux Nice (Old Nice) and saw the gorgeous views and parks on top of Castle Hill, sat on the rocky beach and soaked up the sunshine and perfectness, sat on a balcony at a restaurant along the Promenade des Anglais and had tapas for lunch and then rode bikes along the promenade to see the sunset, which, lemme tell ya, the French Riviera is just killing the game in terms of sunsets. Does that just not sound like the most absolutely perfect day?! It was just so ideal. 

Otherwise, day trips included going to Monaco for my sisters bday which was a lot of fun and then Toulon for my bday the next day, which was kind of a bust because there’s nothing to do in Toulon, specially during the off season! But upon reflection, I decided I’d count my day with the Js (cute nickname, right?!) as my actual birthday for 2016 😂 .  We ended up having a chill New Years since we couldn’t really find anywhere/be bothered to leave. We made a scrumptious dinner, drank heartily and brought in the new year with lots of love, happiness and wine! Overall, it was a very successful trip! 

Fun things worth noting about Nice: my family is apparently not the best at determining how much food we need for a week, and so when it was time to leave, the fridge in the Airbnb was literally packed with food. It seemed like a problem, but it actually ended up being great for me because it meant I wouldn’t have to go grocery shopping when I got back! Woo! And even better, my parents had to drive me back to Nîmes so I didn’t look like an absolute fool trying to take all this food on the train, and they got to see my place and the town. That was surprisingly especially nice because my dad loved to see a French town that wasn’t infiltrated with tourists and tourist traps, but rather just French culture. 

Also worth noting about the Nice trip (ha, see what I did there? 🙃 ) was its roads, and how the cars we rented were just entirely too big for the extremely narrow, two-way French streets. It may not seem like too big of a deal, but put it to you this way: my dad taught all three of his kids to drive (including others peoples kids, apparently!) and he learned to drive in Jamaica, on a stick shift, where they drive on the right side of the road. So like, he’s a pro, and even he was freaking out about it, with hands firmly planted at ten and two at all times. Even funnier was when both of our GPSs took us to a road that was supposed to take us into town, but instead took us to a dirt road that went off a cliff, multiple times.😂 

Well that’s it for this years Christmas and bday vacation! All in all, I’d call it a very successful two weeks! Life has already gotten back to the usual flow here in Nîmes with teaching, tutoring and, of course, the everlasting search for post-TAPIF employment 🙄 . This past weekend, my housemates and I celebrated my and our friend Alec’s birthdays! That ended up being, aside from some *drama*, very successful! A lot of people ended up coming and we danced and drank the night away! #happybdaytome

As always, I love sharing these stories with y’all and am so thankful to those who make it to the end! Next up is a trip to Berlin and Hamburg (TO SEE THE WORLDS LARGEST MODEL RAILROAD *hyperventilates*) on my first solo travel trip, and probably some other fun stuff if I can afford it! Woo! 

Until next time, and thanks for reading! :)