#they’re like an hour old in this pic :)

[skyward-floored]

He’s peaking

Idk I’m sending you good vibes by sending you pics of my kitty (and yeah he is loosing his scrunkle 😢 he’s growing up)

Awww he’s poking his little head out 🥺 he’s so funny, I love your cat so much <3

So sad when they lose their skrunkle :( but they’re still so cute even when they’re bigger. I like them a lot when they’re still itty bitty jellybean sized myself

[autumnhobbit]

kind of sad they’re actually putting stuff in our local mall

[javiscigarette]

Silent Night

Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: You’re home for the holidays and Joel isn't gonna let a drinking contest or a house full of people stop him.

Warnings: PWP ofc, established relationship, mentions of drinking/alcohol, having to keep quiet?, oral (f&m receiving), thigh grinding, creampie, breeding kink, come play, getting caught, I think that's all lmk if I missed anything

w/c: 6.6k

a/n: hiii everyone! I am in fact alive! I'm finally on break from school and this is just a lil something I wrote real quick bc I've been in the holiday spirit since before October even ended hehehe :) Anyway, thank u to the actual loml @undrthelights for beta reading and finding the perfect pics!! It's nice to be back! Please leave a comment letting me know if you liked it, support is what keeps writers going!! Love u all!!

my masterlist

Your hips grind a little harder against his thigh, a soft sight falling from your lips as he licks and sucks at the spot under your ear that drives you absolutely wild. “I don't think I can be quiet” you whisper, gasping softly when his tongue swipes over your pulse.  "You can" he mumbles against the side of your neck, the vibrations of his voice and his warm breath against your skin sending burning hot sparks down your spine. “You can do whatever I ask, can’t you baby?”

You can hear them downstairs, muffled sounds of Joel and several other of your family members talking and laughing while they sip on the fancy whiskey that your dad was saving for the occasion. You opted out of it, quickly taking up the offer of the first hour or two of alone time you’ve had since you arrived at your parents house two days ago instead. You figured Joel could use the time too, talking with your dad and uncles and cousins about whatever men talk about when they’re doing whiskey tasting in the mancave of a basement. 

You managed to avoid getting roped into watching a shitty Hallmark Christmas movie with the rest of your family or helping them prep for the big dinner tomorrow. After successfully sneaking away to your old childhood bedroom that’s now redecorated as a simple guest room, you're left with nothing to do besides relax. First up was a long shower with the water so hot you nearly scalded your skin, and now you’re cozied up in bed, nose buried deep in the middle of your book while the rest of the house buzzed with muted background noise. 

Time passes without you noticing, too engrossed in your book to keep track, but eventually the bedroom door creaks open, pulling you back to reality. You’re about to tell off whoever is at the door for interrupting you, but you immediately soften when Joel slips inside, quietly closing the door behind him. 

He looks so sweet, wrapped up in a thick dark brown sweater, his curls flopping over his forehead, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks and the bridge of his nose with a lopsided smile. His eyes are soft, warm, and a bit glassy as he looks at you like you’re the best thing he ever did see.

"Think your dad is trying to kill me" he says, his words slurring just a bit as he crosses the room over to the bed.

You giggle, watching him plop down on the bed on his back, his head rolling over to look at you, "Are you surprised? He does this to you every year."

It's true, every holiday at your parents house, your dad insists on the whiskey "tasting", which is really just him pouring heavy handed shots and glasses and seeing who's going to be the last one to tap out. Usually it's just him and his brothers in the end, hashing out some decades old sibling rivalry in the form of a drinking contest. And ever since the first time you brought Joel home for the holiday five years ago, your father has insisted on dragging him down there and challenging him too.

The first year was the worst with Joel not heeding any of your warnings about how much liquor your dad would actually push on him. Joel was so sick by the end of the night that he made best friends with the toilet and passed out on the couch, then spent most of the next morning with a massive hangover, apologizing profusely to your dad about it who just laughed and said that he can try again next year.

Thankfully, Joel knows his limits now and has made peace with the fact that he'll never beat your dad at his own game. It doesn't mean that the challenge doesn't still stand.

"No" he mumbles, a dopey smile spreading across his face, "Guess I jus' never expect him to pour shots big enough to knock out a horse"

"How many did you have this time?" You ask, bookmarking your place in the book before setting it aside, sitting up a little straighter and adjusting the pillows behind your back.

"Jus' three."

"Oh, so you are  just a lightweight then?"

"I'm not a fuckin' lightweight" he grumbles with a dramatic pout. 

You laugh as you turn to lay on your side, propping yourself up on your elbow. Your hand instinctively falls to his hair, a small content sigh falling from his lips as your fingertips skate across his hairline and glide through his soft curls.  scooting closer to him and reaching down to run your fingers through his hair, "Okay, baby" you hum, smiling when his eyes fall shut as your nails gently scratch his scalp, "If you say so."

Joel melts under your touch, like a cat basking in the sun, a lazy little grin on his face and a dreamy, far off look in his eyes. His face is still flushed, the tips of his ears and the tops of his cheeks a rosy shade of pink, his lips slightly parted, a few more stray curls falling across his forehead. He looks absolutely gorgeous, and the soft, tender look in his eyes when he finally looks back up at you melts you from the inside out.

You cup the side of his face in your hand and ;ean in to press a lingering kiss to his forehead. "You're so cute when you're drunk" you murmur, moving kissing his cheek.

"M'not drunk"

You pull back to look him in the eye, smiling, "Sure you're not"

"I'm not" he whines, "M'just a lil' tipsy."

"Alright" you hum, pressing a quick kiss to his pouty lips.

Joel follows your mouth with the softest whine when you start to pull back, his large hand cupping the back of your head, holding you still while he kisses you, needy, but still so sweet. The taste of whiskey is heavy on his tongue as it slides against yours, a soft, satisfied noise rumbling in his chest when you part your lips further, kissing him deeper. 

When he finally lets you break the kiss, you're left just a little breathless and dazed, a giddy feeling swirling low in your belly. His pupils are blown when he looks up at you, his lips spit slick and plump, a lopsided smile on his face. He turns a little more on his side facing you, his fingers fiddling with the hem of your t-shirt until his hand slips easily underneath like it was meant to be there. The warmth of his palm smoothing up and down the curve of your spine is soothing, his fingers gently tracing over your ribs and the dip of your waist, the slight scratch of his calluses over your skin sending a shiver down your spine.

His eyes are half-lidded as he stares at your lips, licking his own. Realistically, you knew exactly what was going to happen as soon as he entered the bedroom. You know how he gets when he's like this, soft, sweet, and incredibly needy. With all the amount of times he tugged you into a bar bathroom after he's had a few, or when Tommy drops him off after a night out and he's already halfway to undressing you before the front door even shuts. You know he's trouble like this, but you can never deny him when he's looking at you like that, like you're the only thing he needs, the only thing he's ever needed.

He leans in to kiss you again, slow and sweet, his fingers splaying on your lower back and keeping you close. His mouth moves languidly against yours, the tip of his tongue tracing your bottle lip and his teeth sinking in the slightest bit to nip and tug, pulling a desperate little sound out from the back of your throat. 

He sighs at the small sound and starts to lean into you more, using his weight to roll you over until you're flat on your back with him hovering above you, his forearms on either side of your head with his knees bracketing your hips. The kisses grow hungrier, wetter, more insistent, his mouth moving against yours like he's trying to breathe the very air from your lungs. 

He shifts a bit and you moan softly into his mouth when his thigh slots between yours, the firm muscle of his thigh pushing right up against the apex of your thighs, the perfect amount of pressure to make heat spark and smolder in your belly. He does it again, rocking his thigh up against you just a little harder, swallowing the needy whimper that you let out, the heat and friction making you ache. 

You can’t help but grind against his thigh, the seam of your sweatpants pressing against the damp spot that’s already forming on your panties and digging into your clit just right. You’re chasing the growing pleasure, the firmness of his thigh and the intoxicating taste of whiskey on his soft lips mixed with the faint trace of his peppermint toothpaste. You’d give anything to have him, for him to take you, but the sounds of laughter and chatter coming from downstairs is a rude reminder of reality. 

"Joel" you warn with absolutely no heat in your voice, his lips grazing the sensitive spot under your ear, "We can't.”

He ignores you for a beat, crashing his lips back on yours and kissing you until he needs to come up for air. 

"We can" he says, his voice gravelly and thick with want, the deep rumble vibrating in his chest. "We're bein' real quiet"

His lips trail across the line of your jaw and up your cheek before landing on your mouth again. The slow, lazy drag of his tongue against yours makes you throb, another soft when escaping you and the muscles in your legs and stomach tightening as you make no effort to stop moving against his thigh. 

“Everyone will hear us” you try feebly, knowing it’s futile. 

Joel smirks against your lips, the bastard. “Nah. I’ll be quiet.” 

You know he's a damn liar and a bad one at that. In what world could you be quiet with his hands and mouth on you, with his thick cock buried deep inside you, stretching you out and filling you up so good that your toes curl? And in what world could he be quiet, not running his mouth about how good you feel, how pretty you look stuffed full of him, how well you take him. You know exactly how it'll go, if the numerous failed previous attempts are anything to go by.

But then his lips are on the side of your neck, and you're forgetting why it matters. You let your eyes fall shut as his lips press gentle, wet kisses up and down the column of your throat, the stubble on his cheeks and chin scratching and tickling in the best way. You're quickly forgetting why this was a bad idea to begin with.

Your hips grind a little harder against his thigh, a soft sight falling from your lips as he licks and sucks at the spot under your ear that drives you absolutely wild. “I don't think I can,” you whisper, gasping softly when his tongue swipes over your pulse point. 

"You can" he mumbles against the side of your neck, the vibrations of his voice and his warm breath against your skin sending burning hot sparks down your spine. “You can do whatever I ask, can’t you baby?” 

“I don’t- oh…” 

The rest of your sentence dies on the tip of your tongue as he pushes his thigh against you, grinding it up against your core in a way that has your head spinning and toes curling, the pleasure sharp and delicious as it melts into your veins. 

“That’s right” he murmurs, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of your mouth. “You’ll do whatever I say, huh?” 

There’s a pause and when you open your eyes, his are dark, his pupils blown wide, the deep brown nearly swallowed whole. His hair is tousled and curlier than ever, a few loose strands hanging in his face. His lips are slightly parted, swollen, red, and sick and shiny from your kisses. He’s an absolute sight and you can’t help but nod, eager to do whatever he wants, whatever he asks, because god it’s always worth it. 

His eyes crinkle a bit at the corners and the lopsided smirk on his face widens. He’s the fucking devil. 

Just the thought of him taking you with the rest of the house full of your extended family is making your veins buzz, excitement bubbling low in your belly. But you're well aware of just how thin the walls are and how nosy some members of your family are and you can't fathom how awkward it would be to come down for breakfast the next morning after the whole house heard you getting absolutely railed.

"It’ll be okay" he assures, reading your thoughts, his hands slipping under your shirt again. The fabric bunches up over his wrists as he slides his palms up your torso to cup your breasts, his thumbs brushing over your nipples. "M’not gonna let anyone else hear you. Just me."

Fuck.

His simple words are enough to convince you, not that you needed much convincing in the first place. He had you wrapped around his finger and him around yours, and there was no way you were going to say no to what you know will come next. A jolt of electricity shoots down your spine and settles hot and heavy in the pit of your stomach. Your resolve breaks, your legs falling open further, letting him get even closer, and Joel lets out a soft, happy noise against your mouth.

"Atta girl" he hums, his voice rough and deep, "So good for me, aren't ya baby?"

"Always" you manage to reply, the word more of a sigh as you arch your back, his thumb teasing your nipple until it's pebbled and hard.

He gives into you easily, tugging your shirt up and over your head. His mouth lands on your chest as soon as it’s exposed, immediately licking and kissing across your collarbones and the swell of your breast. He noses along the valley between them, the coarse hair of his beard tickling your skin and making you giggle. You can feel him grinning against your skin before he nips and sucks at the supple flesh until a red mark rises to the surface. 

You squirm beneath him, his leg still nestled perfectly between yours and pressing against you every time he shifts. The pressure is building in your gut, your clit aching and throbbing. The feeling is almost too much with his hot wet mouth now wrapped around your nipple, his tongue swirling around the stiff peak making it harder and harder for you to keep quiet. 

“Joel,” you hiss, the word half warning and half plea. 

“Hush, baby” he mumbles against your skin. His fingers replace his mouth, pinching and teasing your swollen, spit-slick nipple as he kisses across your chest to lavish your other nipple with the same attention. 

“Gotta be quiet, remember?” he says when he pulls back, releasing your nipple with a wet pop. “Unless you want everyone hearin’ ya” 

You open your mouth to say something in protest, to tell him that he’s making things a lot harder right now, but then he starts moving, sliding down the bed and the words die in your throat. The look he gives you as he settles on his stomach between your thighs is sinful, his eyes dark and mischievous, his lips pulled up into a smirk. 

He hooks his fingers in the waistband of your sweats, slowly pulling them along with your panties down your legs, leaving you completely bare. Your stomach swoops at the sight of his eyes trained to your center and your thighs twitch, wanting to snap shut and hide. But his hands on both of your thighs keep you spread open for him. You swallow thickly, your breath catching in your throat, the anticipation building in the pit of your belly as your slick starts to drip down the cleft of your ass. 

Joel’s mouth falls open slightly, a shaky breath escaping him. “Fuck, baby” he sighs, tongue darting out to lick his cherry red lips, his eyes glazing over. A small, content smile tugs at the corners of your mouth, a swell of pride blossoming in your chest. He looks wrecked, like a starving man eyeing his first meal, and the way he's looking at you so intently, like you're the best thing he's ever seen, the thing that's kept him alive all these years, is making your heart pound almost painfully in your chest. 

“Fucking gorgeous,” he praises, his hand running along the inside of your thigh. “And all mine.” 

Like he can’t wait another second, he’s leaning in and licking a long, wet stripe up your center, dragging his tongue through your folds from your leaking hole to your swollen, needy clit. The feeling of his tongue on you pulls a soft, broken sound from you. You clap your hand over your mouth as your head spins, a rush of pleasure washing over you making the muscles in your thighs and stomach twitch and flex. 

He does it again and again, and every time his tongue flicks over the swollen bud, you let out a soft whine that sounds far too loud in the otherwise quiet room.

He groans against you, his mouth already wet and messy as he laps at your pussy like he's starving for it, like he would die without tasting you. His eyes are locked on yours, the look in them so dark and primal that it makes your walls clench, more slick freely leaking out of you and onto his tongue. He laps it up happily, his fingers digging into your hips, holding you steady as his mouth works your clit.

He lets out a quiet, breathy moan when you slide your hand through his hair once again, your fingers tangling in and pulling on the soft brown strands. His eyes flutter shut, a shuddery exhale falling from his parted lips, and the feeling of his warm breath fanning over your wet, sensitive center has you stifling another high pitched whimper.

You roll your hips up against his face, desperate for more, and he gets the hint, the flat of his tongue swiping up through your folds a few more times before he dips it into your entrance, pushing in and out while his nose nudges at your clit. You're writhing beneath him, tugging at his hair, trying so hard to be quiet but failing miserably, soft, desperate little noises pouring out of your mouth. You know he's loving it too, making no effort to keep your noises at bay, not giving a single fuck about who might hear.

He moans against your cunt, the vibrations making you jolt, your hips rolling up to meet him. You're panting, the hand that isn't buried in his hair gripping the sheets tight enough that your knuckles turn white, and your back arches when his tongue fucks in and out of you faster, rougher.

"Joel, fuck" you gasp, "I- I'm-

He growls, the sound muffled by your pussy, the vibrations and the feeling of his stubble dragging along your inner thighs making your toes curl, the familiar coil in your belly tightening, your thighs trembling.

He doubles down, bringing a hand between your legs to replace his tongue with two thick fingers sinking into you and curling up against that spot inside you that has you seeing stars, his tongue circling your clit while his fingers pump in and out of you, his mouth and hand working in tandem to pull you apart.

"Fuck, I'm close" you whimper, his fingers crooking against that spot inside of you, sending white hot fire coursing through your veins as your slick leaks down his fingers and into his palm like hot honey. 

He hums, sucking your clit between his lips, and your legs clamp around his head, your hand tightening in his hair as your orgasm crashes over you, your back arching off the mattress, a muffled, broken moan spilling out from behind your hand. He fucks you through it, his tongue flattening out against your clit while the tips of his fingers rub against that sweet spot inside of you, sending more sparks of pleasure tingling up and down your spine.

When it's too much, when the sensitivity makes tears prick in the corners of your eyes, you make a feeble attempt to push him away. He pulls back, sitting up on his knees, his chin and cheeks wet with your slick, his pupils blown so wide that the brown is almost completely swallowed up by black. He stares at you, his gaze so heavy and intense that it makes another shiver run down your spine.

"You're not being very quiet" he smirks as he moves off the bed to stand up.

You roll your eyes, still coming down from the aftershocks, your thighs quivering, "Yeah, no shit" you mutter, propping yourself up on your elbows.

He chuckles as he pulls off his sweater and the t-shirt underneath it before he starts unbuckling his belt and working on his jeans. You sit up, shuffling closer to the edge of the bed, reaching out and batting his hands away, taking over and quickly unfastening the button and pulling the zipper down.

He doesn't protest, letting you push his jeans and boxers down his legs until he kicks them all the way off. Your mouth waters at the sight of his thick, hard cock hanging heavy between his legs, flushed a deep red with slippery precum beading at the tip. You reach out, wrapping your hand around the base and taking a moment or two to revel in the familiar weight and warmth of him in your hand.

He shudders, a low moan rumbling in his chest, his eyes slipping shut as his hand moves to cup the back of your head. He watches you intently as you take your time, lazily stroking him, rubbing the pad of your thumb over the leaking tip and tracing the throbbing veins that run along the sides. His breathing grows heavy, his jaw clenching and his stomach muscles twitching as he tries so hard not to buck his hips up into the loose circle of your fist.

"C'mon, sweetheart" he pleads, the words leaving his mouth as a low, breathless groan, "Get me all nice and wet for you."

He doesn't have to ask twice. You lean forward and you dart your tongue out to lap up the bead of precum, humming at the salty, bitter taste of it, swirling the flat of your tongue over the head of his cock, your hand pumping the rest of his shaft. His breath catches in his throat, a stuttered curse falling from his lips when you dip your tongue into the slit, teasing more precum out.

He groans, his grip on the back of your head tightening, urging you to take him into the warm, wet heat of your mouth. You sink down, flattening your tongue and taking him all the way until he hits the back of your throat, the tip of his cock brushing against the roof of your mouth. You breathe through your nose, hollowing your cheeks, swallowing around him, and the deep, guttural groan that he lets out has you squirming, slick leaking out of your cunt and onto the sheets below.

"There ya go" he pants, his head lolling back, "Oh, baby, that's it. S'fuckin' perfect."

You pull off, a string of spit and precum connecting his cock to your bottom lip, and you look up at him through your lashes.

"Need to be quiet" you remind him, "Or else I'll stop"

He lets out a shaky breath and nods, swallowing hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. He's not used to keeping quiet, not used to not telling you how good you feel, not used to not begging you to let him cum in that low, raspy tone that never fails to make you weak.

"I'll be good," he whispers, breathless and needy. "Promise."

Your stomach swoops at his words, arousal burning bright in your belly. Unable to stay away for much longer, you lean forward, pressing a soft kiss to the head of his cock. His hips jerk, another drop of precum leaking out. You lick it up, swirling your tongue around the sensitive, swollen tip before sinking down again. You take him into the wet heat of your mouth, hollowing your cheeks and swallowing around him, bobbing your head slowly and steadily.

He bites his lip hard enough to draw blood trying with all his might to keep his noises in as you drool all over his cock. He can't take his eyes off you, watching the way he disappears into the slick heat of your mouth. You look so pretty with your lips wrapped around him, spit dripping down his cock and leaking out the corners of your mouth while your eyes water as you take him as far as you can.

You take him deeper, and you swallow, your throat convulsing around him, and the way his whole body shudders makes you smile, proud of the effect you have on him. He's so big and thick, and you both know you can't fit him all the way down your throat, but seeing you try your best is enough to make his thighs start to shake. 

His cock hits the back of your throat again and again, the tip dipping into the soft, warm, tight space, and Joel's breathing is getting heavier and faster, his jaw clenched and his eyebrows knitted together.

"Shit" he grits out under his breath, "That's it, sweetheart. That's fuckin' it."

The praise goes straight between your legs, a fresh wave of slick leaking out of you and it's too tempting to resist, so you slip your hand between your thighs and rub circles around your clit, moaning softly around his cock.

He hisses, his eyes snapping down, watching your hand disappear between your legs.

"Are you touchin' yourself?" he asks, the words coming out rough and choked, his eyebrows raised.

You nod, sliding a finger into yourself, and you pull off his cock, panting, a thin strand of spit connecting the head to your bottom lip.

"Can't help it" you whine pathetically, your voice already raspy from how far his cock had been down your throat.

Joel groans, his dick twitching, and he's had enough. He takes a step back, and you let go, a little confused and worried that you've done something wrong. But he just takes hold of your arms and yanks you off the bed, his strong hands easily manhandling you, and then he's pushing you, turning you around and bending you over the side of the mattress.

"Oh" you breathe out, bracing yourself on your forearms, arching your back, sticking your ass up in the air.

You don't have to wait long for him to move. His hand is smoothing over your ass, the other one guiding his cock towards your sopping cunt. He teases the tip between your folds, spreading your slick and dragging his head over your swollen clit a few times before lining himself up and sinking in.

You bite down on the inside of your cheek to keep quiet, letting out a stuttering breath, the familiar, delicious burn of his thick cock stretching you out making your eyes roll back into your head. You've made peace with the face that you'll never be used to his size. It'll always be too much, the feeling of him pushing into, forcing your walls to make room for him will always make you clench and shiver.

He's got his hands on your hips, holding you steady as he bottoms out, his hips flush with the curve of your ass with the tip of his cock pressed against your cervix. He holds himself there for a moment, both of you adjusting to the feeling, and you're trying so hard not to moan, to keep your noises muffled by the mattress, and you know Joel's struggling too, his jaw clenched tight and his brow furrowed.

"Good girl" he whispers, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of your hips, "Taking my cock so well, aren't ya?"

You nod, whimpering, your fingers twisting in the sheets.

He pulls back and thrusts back in, setting a steady, slow rhythm, the wet slide of his cock making the most obscene sounds. And it's driving you crazy, the need to let out loud, your chest burning with the effort of keeping your noises in. He keeps his pace slow, not wanting to make more noise with his hips snapping against your ass. It’s nearly tortuous though, the drag of his cock in and out of you so slow that you can feel every ridge as he takes his sweet time. You can only handle it for a few moments before the tingling hints of pain from the stretch subside and the burning need for him to fuck you senseless takes over.

"Joel" you whine, "Faster, please."

He leans over you, his front pressed against your back, his lips grazing the shell of your ear. "You're not gonna stay quiet if I do," he says, his voice deep and gravelly, "Just take what I give you, sweetheart."

You're so worked up, the slow pace makes you even more desperate for him, and you can't help it, you need more, and you reach a hand back and grab his hip, urging him to speed up.

"I-I'll try" you promise, "Please, just- Just fuck me, Joel, please"

He hesitates, but the way you're squirming beneath him is so tempting, and the way his cock is throbbing and dripping inside of you is telling him that he needs more too.

Before you can say anything else, he's pulling back, the thick, heavy weight of him sliding out of you. You whimper at sudden empty feeling but you don't have time to complain before he's flipping you over onto your back and scooting you up the bed before climbing on top of you. You can’t help but notice how big he is, the muscles flexing smoothly in his strong arms that box you in as he hovers above you, nearly encompassing your entire body underneath his. His mouth is on yours before you can even blink, his tongue slipping past your lips and kissing you like his life depends on it.

He settles between your legs, his hips nestled in the cradle of your thighs, his cock dragging along your clit again warm and heavy, and you gasp, the sound swallowed by his mouth. You're squirming again, desperate to feel him stretch you out more and he takes mercy on you, reaching between your bodies and grabbing the base of his cock, guiding the thick head towards your entrance.

"Gotta be quiet, baby" he warns, his eyes boring into yours as he looks down at you. "Those pretty noises are just for me, yeah? Can't have anyone hearin' 'em."

You nod frantically and the next second he's pushing in, the fat head of his cock forcing its way into you and bottoming out in one smooth motion. You let out a gasp that's definitely too loud but Joel is quick to remedy it, his hand coming up to cover your mouth, his fingers splaying across your cheek.

"Shh" he shushes you, his hips rolling, the slow, lazy drag of his cock against your walls making you clench around him. Your eyes roll back, your back arching as his hand stops all the whiny little sounds you can't help but make. He continues to fuck you slow and deep, his cock sliding in and out of your soaking wet cunt, the filthy sounds of skin slapping against skin echoing softly in the room.

You can't take your eyes off him, watching his eyes squeeze shut, the muscles in his arms and shoulders flexing as he fucks you, his brows knitted together and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. He looks beautiful like this, sweat glistening on his skin, his jaw tight, and his eyes shut tight, his mouth hanging open with his breaths coming out in soft, barely audible pants.

"Mmm" he hums, his hips picking up speed, his cock pushing impossibly deeper. "You feel so fuckin' good, baby. Fuck."

You reflexively clench around him and a shudder runs through his whole body.

"Gettin' real tight" he pants, "Tryna milk the cum right outta me, huh? Tryna make me fill up that pretty pussy?"

You whimper into his palm, your pussy fluttering, a fresh wave of slick coating his cock, and he groans, his hips picking up speed.

"S'what you want?" he asks in a hushed tone, his hand still pressed firmly over your mouth. "You want me to fill you up? Make a mess of that pretty pussy? Breed you until you're fuckin' stuffed, baby girl?"

Your back arches off the bed, the coil in your belly so tight that you think you might pass out. He's rambling, his thrusts losing rhythm, his breathing getting ragged and choppy, his chest heaving and his thighs shaking.

"That's it" he coaxes when you tighten around him even more, "Can feel it, can feel how close you are. Go on, baby, cum on my cock. Wanna feel that tight, wet cunt cum all over my cock, please, baby."

His hips snap forward, his cock pushing deep into you, the tip rubbing against the spongy spot deep inside you that makes the coil in your belly finally snap. Your eyes roll back, a muffled, broken moan falling from your lips as your entire body convulses, your orgasm washing over you and making your toes curl as your walls flutter around his cock buried to the hilt inside of you.

Joel lets out a deep, low groan, his hips stuttering as he fucks you through your orgasm. His hand slips away from your mouth so he can grip your hips with both hands, his fingers digging into the soft flesh, holding you in place so he can chase after his own release. His chest is tight as he holds in his grunts and groans, but it’s barely any use with the lewd noises that fill the room as your pussy gushes around him, your slick leaking past the tight seal of your walls around him and dripping down to his balls. 

"Oh, shit, baby. Christ,” he chokes out, his stomach muscles clenching as his hips slam into yours, his cock pushing impossibly deeper and harder. “Keep makin’ a mess, keep lettin’ me feel it. That’s it. Fuckin’ hell.” 

You can feel his cock starting to throb inside of you and you know he’s close. And you can’t stop the words from leaving your mouth, the need to let him know just how good he’s making you feel is destroying any bit of common sense. 

“Want you to fill me up,” you whine. “Please, Joel, wanna feel it.” 

That’s all it takes. His jaw clenches, his nose scrunching as his eyes squeeze shut. His cock twitches and pulses as he buries himself as deep as he can get before spilling into, filling you with thick, hot ropes of his cum. His hips jerking and stuttering d you clench around him, squeezing and milking him for everything he has while he buries his face in the crook of your neck, muffling his broken, ragged moans against your skin.

"So good,” he whimpers. “Fuckin’ perfect.” 

The praise goes straight between your legs and you wrap your arm around his shoulders, trying to pull him closer. He lifts his head, his palm resting on your cheek as he lifts his head and presses his lips against yours, kissing you languidly. His hips rock back and forth lazily, pushing his cum in as deep as he can get it. You melt into the bed underneath him, the only things keeping you tethered to the earth being your fingers combing through his hair and your legs tightening around his waist.

When he finally pulls away, he rests his forehead against yours, and you're both left panting, trying to catch your breath. You listen to the muffled sounds of people downstairs, the movie playing and their drunken voices filtering in through the door, and Joel must be thinking the same thing because he chuckles.

"Well" he says, his thumb rubbing back and forth over your cheekbone, "I don't think anyone heard us."

"You better hope they didn't" you retort, a grin on your face. Joel rolls his eyes. "That's a weird way to say thank you" he teases. You start to laugh, but the sound dies in your throat, morphing to a whimper instead when he starts pulling out his softening cock.

"Joel" you whine, but he doesn't stop. "Joel, please. It's-"

He's not listening, he's too focused on the way his cock looks when he pulls out. The tip slips out of you, and the rest follows, and his eyes widen as he watches a string of thick, sticky cum stretch from the tip of his cock to your cunt. It breaks, falling to your thigh, and he licks his lips. He can't tear his eyes away, watching the way your cunt flutters, and his cum starts to drip out, running down your slit, the obscene sight making Joel's spent cock twitch. 

"Shit" he mutters under his breath, "Ain't that a pretty picture."

He reaches down, dragging a finger through the mess of cum and slick and gathering it on his finger before pushing it back into your cunt. You clench around the digit before he sighs and pulls it back out.

"Gonna be leaking all day tomorrow" he murmurs, almost to himself.

You whimper, the thought of having him dripping out of you all day like that has renewed arousal already seeping into your veins. 

“It’s okay” he assures you, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll take care ya. Clean you up and put my cock back in right where it belongs, how’s that sound, hm?” 

You sigh, nodding, a wave of fatigue washing over you. “Sounds perfect,” you agree. 

You watch as he climbs off of you and starts to move, but a sudden, sharp sound of knuckles knocking on the other side of the bedroom door makes you both freeze. 

“You two are fucking disgusting!” the voice of your cousin calls out, accompanied by the sound of a couple other people giggling and laughing. “Put some goddamn clothes on and get down here!” 

You and Joel exchange glances, his eyes wide and apologetic, his cheeks burning bright red as you give him a look that says I told you so. 

“Alright, alright, we’re coming” he yells back. 

“We’re coming! Oh, yeah we’re coming!” another voice teases, the sound of everyone bursting out laughing quickly follows. 

“We’re never doing that again” Joel mutters and you can’t help but chuckle. 

“Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that”

Thank you for reading!!! Plsss let me know if you enjoyed hehehe

[melancholicstation]

HUSBAND JACK SCHLOSSBERG HEADCANONS 𓍼 𓇢𓆸

taglist: @remotewatch @bloxholden35 @kennediva @h-l-vlovesvintage @absurdlyvintage @chemicalw0rld @fortheloveofjos @kimcrystal123 @astro-vibes-bro @tsloverr-13

might make this into a couple of one-shots??

imagining WIFE!READER as an orion carloto type, who balances modelling and writing, and makes tiktoks in the same vain of alanabananaxox on tiktok (she's been my no.1 tiktoker since 2021) and sotce.

met wife!reader at a runway after party of an up and coming new york indie brand ( sandy liang, khaite, bode etc. )

proposes to you with the blythe doll you had been obsessing over, dressed in a wedding dress and hand-customised by a popular etsy dealer with quite a high rate like this girl on tt

encouraged by jack to do a ‘what’s in my ( miu miu joie leather ) bag’ video on tiktok to help campaign for kamala akin to this video of anne hathaway but with a different vibe.

jack is ultimate embarrassing hard launcher bofy, leaving in all his girlfriends giggles that come from his chaotic antics when filming his videos.

wife!reader loves to slather jack’s face in biologique recherche’s “masque vivant”, he complains that it smells like rotting meat😹😹😹😹😹.

jack would be always on that damn phone during your runway shows, recording each time you pass him by in the catwalk.

would be the absolute opposite of marriage-shy.

unpopular opinion this man would be asking about marriage, a solid 3 months in ( jfk and jackie married in a YEAR )

fucks UP a rotisserie chicken.

forwards you his tweets before and asks if they’re good enough to post.

smells like aesop musk and of herbal deodorant.

wife!reader buys rick owen’s black and white t-shirts and slacks for jack, and jack’s absolutely baffled when he learns the price tag.

love language is buying wife!reader drinks whenever and wherever they are: hot chocolate in central park, home-delivers you a sab benedetto sparkling water because he had a meeting at cipriani downtown, and always orders a polo bar punch for you prior to your arrival to your shared weekly dinner date at the polo bar on 55th st.

instigates a24 marathons on friday nights, much to the dismay of your prior night plans ( you are more of a criterion collection girl and have held a subscription since you were a freshman in college )

( clumsily ) slips lana del rey lyrics into sexting and dirty talk.

husband!jack and wife!reader texts go like this:

jack is horrific at low impact pilates, he needs to be near a body of water.

he wears your prized doublesoul x orion caroloto ‘lamb’ socks around your woodfloored high-rise despite your varied attempts at hiding them from him.

constantly frets over you during society galas, which is quite convenient due to your tempered social anxiety and your forgetful memory of high society etiquette.

immediately brings you to meet the family, for which you were completely unprepared for ( i’m imagining something reminder of that one story of meghan markle meeting princess kate middleton in ripped jeans and bare feet )

jack loves to wear your 100% cotton brandy melville pointelle tanks despite them being comically tiny for his frame.

would have an innocence kink.

he gets intensely flushed when called his proper full name: john bouvier kennedy schlossberg, wife!reader abuses this to the HIGHEST degree!!!

the first time he entered you apartment he was constantly paranoid of breaking anything because your house was littered with ceramics from brooklyn under-ground designers and clay lamb figurines.

he NEEDS his beauty Zzzzzzz or else.

plays with your very expensive westman atelier blushes like a toddler.

sickly devoted to you.

you both want to adopt a lamb despite living in a HIGH-RISE apartment.

sends pics captioned with anaïs nin lewd quotes.

he would think whole foods was stupidly over priced but would purchase his groceries there in spite of his opinions.

has hyperfixations on old-hollywood women which causes you to be snippy at him for exactly 2-3 hours ex. jack’s current hyper fixation on audrey hepburn being his doppelgänger.

wife!reader definitely participated in that egg cracking trend where girls would crack an egg on their boyfriends head.

would love caring for your hair and doing your curly girl hair routine if you had one.

wife!reader does small yet viral shoots for brands like mirror palais, the row, and loewe.

manhandles you ( lovingly ) without even trying.

mans is a chronic diptyque candle lighter.

loves to be coddled and cradled as a grown man…

plays with your van cleef stack before stage when he’s nervous about his speech landing correctly

uses his family connections to get his girl courted by the high-ticket fashion brands: schiaparelli, chanel, dior, yves saint laurent etc.

[unspeakable-imagination]

Logan Howlett ||NSFW Alphabet

Silly Pic because I'm so giddy lol

CW: NSFW,MDNI below the cut

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Logan has tons of stamina, so if your done, then he's done, but if you're not, he's still going. When you're done, though, he will lay you gently on the bed, grab a wet cloth to help clean you up and be gentle as not to make you even more sore. When he's done cleaning you up, he makes sure whatever heat source is on and will cuddle up, keeping you safe in his arms and letting you two go to sleep.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Logan loves your hips, he loves to grab them, manhandle you by them, to move you on him, or to keep a hand possessive on it just to show everybody that you're his. He has a live hate relationship with his hands, he likes that they're larger than yours but hates his claws. He without a doubt, loves the rest of his arms, though. He loves being able to strong arm you, practically benching or deadline you no matter how much you weigh. Dude has adamantium bones.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He wants to come on your face, on your stomach, inside of your, especially in doggy or a mating press. He won't cut in you unless you want it, but untimely he hopes that you be begging for his kiddies.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Secret breeding kinks 🤭🤭 he's not going to be vocal about it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Dude is absolutley not a 200 year old virgin. He's slept with dozens if not hundreds of people, ranching all the way from the 1900s, he knows all the styles, all the spots, and all the ways to make you cock dumb.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Mating press. His absolute favorite. Your legs over his shoulder, up in the air with his cock as deep as possible? Idc if you're not a pillow princess, he will make you one, so dumb that you can't do anything but moan and twitch.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Logan is usually pretty easy going, he's not going to be pinfaced, but he's not going to be constantly giddy. He's feral, and proves it. He's going to be panting and grunting and rutting you, and the only time he will ever giggle is if something truly funny happens with his partner, if he slips out, he's hoping a cocky side smile and trying not to laugh to much.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Logan's hair does grow back to a certain length. He keeps himself as well groomed as he can, but not clean shaven.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

If you're just a one night stand, he's not going to be very romantic. He usually just gets it done, cleans you up, and leaves you in the room he paid for. If he's whipped for you, in a relationship, he's lighting candles, he's trying to start slow, he's taking his time to take care of you until he looses whatever shreds of sanity he has.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He will jack off constantly in the shower, especially if he hasn't slept with anyone is 24 hours. He's got a bit of a think for exhibitionism and would love it if you caught him or watched him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Exhibitionism, choking or other forms of breath play, both receiving and giving, primal, biting, knifeplay/his claws(usually only if you're a mutant with certain exeptions) he's got a weird think with ribs, he likes your ribcage, the curvature, he also likes peircings or scars on people, not anything self harm related, but many scars that are from scrapes, cuts from branches, stretchmarks, ect. Also crying.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

If he's jealous, he'll take you in a public bathroom, your back against the wall and your legs around his waist. He won't let you touch the filthy floor. He likes it in the kitchen, laying you over the counter, in the shower, on the bed, even if the window curtains are open.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You could look at logan and he'd get turned on. He could catch a glimpse of your stomach or thighs or ribs. He could watch you walk down a hallways waddling or limping from the night before and he'd swell with pride and wanna make it so you wouldn't even be able to do that.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Any type of bodily excrement. Scat, urine, and he will not let himself be tied or bound. You can be tied but not him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He's a god at cunnilingus, nobody can change my mind, and if you can somehow fit his cock in his mouth, he might just cum in minutes.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Once he's taken care of you, he's usually pretty fast, but sensual if that makes sense. He can slow down, certainly, but he's just so eager and needy to pump you full.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Gladly. Anywhere. In a closet, in a bathroom, in a car. Just ask. Sometimes, you may not even need you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) Absolutley. If it's something he's not seen, don't or heard of before, he's down to try most anything.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Forever. Literally. Realistically, it would cap off at 5 for you, and he wouldn't need to continue, but if you were like him. 24/2. He's fuck you two days straight until it was time to work, aside from interruptions ofc.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't mind using toys on you, blindfolds, cuffs(his favorite), even vibrators. The only toy he doesn't like are buttplugs or beads.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He will fuck with your mind and tease you all day, until your on your knees in the middle of his room begging for him to fuck you, tears in your eyes.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) He will grunt, groan, hiss, even growl and mildly roar, like a lion with warning huff. He loves it when you make noise when you're screaming his name and nothing but a sputtering mess. It makes him feel like he's doing good.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Logan loves to blow smoke in your face, so if you're being choked, he will let go just to give you a big breath of his cigar. He loves watching you get dizzy and blissful.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Atleast 7" But if we are being relistic? 10. Also girthy, 5.5 inches of circumference MINIMUM. If he's soft, probably 6" long and 5" round. I would really wanna say he's circumcised but for the time period and his healing, he's not.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Constant. If he's angry? Fuck something. If he's giddy and exited, fuck something. If he's sad probably not. He will never turn you down though.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It takes him a bit, and he will almost always fall asleep after you.

[dannyricsmirrorball]

our secret • ls18 ੈ✩‧₊˚

ੈ✩‧₊˚ pairings || lance stroll x best friend!reader

ੈ✩‧₊˚ genre || social media au

ੈ✩‧₊˚ summary || lance and y/n are best friends but is that all that’s there or is something deeper on the horizon?

alt. just friends?… no way!

ੈ✩‧₊˚ warning || none, reader is down BAD

ੈ✩‧₊˚ a/n || love me some lance stroll! i am churning these out one by one- i’ve started so many and then never finished so be patient w me pls haha 😭

liked by astonmartinf1, oscarpiastri, and 102,093 others 1

yourusername we back baby 💚 P6 for LS18 so proud!

tagged lance_stroll, fernandoalo_official, astonmartinf1

username72 paddock princess is back

username26 let’s goooo am looking good

username27 another season another year of y/n and lance pretending they’re just friends

chloestroll stunning babe

⤷ yourusername 😘

username73 lance’s lucky charm 🍀

username53 serving the nando and lance content we want and need

astonmartinf1 those are our drivers 🙌🙌

username25 actually obsessed w how y/n and nando have become bffs straight off the bat

username01 AM wdc & wcc 2023 i see the vision

fernandoalo_official 🫶

⤷ username25 let’s get u to bed old man

username5 missing seb and y/n hours

⤷ username82 rip lance stroll fan-club you’ll always be famous

lance_stroll LFGGGGG massive g

⤷ username81 need to work on them flirting skills bud

⤷ yourusername er- ok lancey

username91 need y/n at every race

username72 fave couple

⤷ username7 coupla besties!

liked by scottyjames31, estebanocon, and 90,083 others

yourusername cute

tagged lance_stroll

username82 this is v soft launch vibes

username71 inseparable the pair of them

lance_stroll think you’re meant to pull up your strap mate

⤷ yourusername wtv

⤷ username17 they’re fucking.

chloestroll 😍😍

username73 lance looks sawrrrrr good

username1 need more casual lance omg

astonmartinf1 lance content? sign us up!

liked by scottyjames31, yourusername, and 26,982 others

chloestroll frosty

tagged scottyjames31, lance_stroll, yourusername, heidiberger_, jacquelynjablonski

username71 ahhh couple goals

username63 OMG Y/N IS THERE

username82 second pic so cuteeee

⤷ username26 i’m pretty certain that’s y/n and lance…

username72 not lance going to the literal alps during his week break after the FIRST race of the szn 😭

yourusername love uuuu

⤷ chloestroll love u chook 🩷

danielricciardo um this is awkward 🫤

⤷ chloestroll sorry danny

⤷ scottyjames31 mate you’ve gotta actually come out into the snow if u want to make the gram

⤷ danielricciardo i’m just not acclimatised 😔

username17 awww this is the cutest little trip

astonmartinf1 stay safe king lance_stroll 🫡

⤷ lance_stroll roger that

yourbffusername those two certainly look cosy

⤷ chloestroll 😅

liked by danielricciardo, mickschumacer, and 92,083 others

yourusername i said brrr it’s cold in here

tagged chloestroll, heidiberger_, jacquelynjablonski, lance_stroll, scottyjames31, danielricciardo

username16 i need to be part of their friend group

username52 ahhhh so cute

username01 HAHAH the danny tag on the snowman

⤷ yourusername he said it was too cold outside 🤷‍♀️

username62 find it kinda funny that there’s all these couples and then lance and y/n, makes u wonder…

danielricciardo thanku for making a snowman of me y/n/n 🥹

⤷ yourusername any day DR

chloestroll scotty looking sunburnt even in the snow

heidiberger_ snow angel 😚

⤷ yourusername ilyilyily

username17 ummm the last slide ms girl what is that?!

⤷ username52 is that lance…?

⤷ username16 watch them still say they’re only bffs

lance_stroll hectic

⤷ yourusername need to do more of these best friend trips

⤷ username16 what’d i say.

liked by ausgp, astonmartinf1, and 102,073 others

yourusername dump down under (lancey p4!!! ☺️)

tagged danielricciardo, lance_stroll, astonmartinf1, scottyjames31, chloestroll

username71 literally his good luck charm

username25 lance looks kinda…

danielricciardo did u want me to send one of them big heads of mine so u can hang it up in ur shrine for me 😇

⤷ yourusername ha ha ur so funny

⤷ danielricciardo my bad sorry i meant a lance one 😉

⤷ scottyjames31 reckon she’d love that

⤷ username17 we all seeing this?!

⤷ username03 when ur best friend’s brother-in-law and his best friend out ur crush on ur best friend to the whole world

astonmartinf1 always welcome in our garage 🫶

username61 her calling him lancey 🥹

username4 so cute but i just know he hates it

lance_stroll stop calling me that

⤷ yourusername grumpy old man

liked by estebanocon, lance_stroll, and 100,082 others

yourusername i never miss the monaco grand prix 🇲🇨

tagged scottyjames31, chloestroll, lance_stroll, estebanocon

username62 served.

username45 love that she included estie bestie!

username8 her bff’s other bff

lance_stroll the f******…? have fun watching from the grandstands from now on

⤷ yourusername sorry no more red cars 🫤😟

⤷ charles_leclerc you’re always welcome in the ferrari garage y/n 🤍

⤷ lance_stroll watch it.

chloestroll cutie

username69 need that shirt

estebanocon 💙🩷

⤷ yourusername congrats on p3 king!

username17 trust. y/n will always find a way to include lance in her posts, even if it’s a shitty photo

username46 girlfriend core

liked by heidiberger_, franciscac.gomes, and 197,028 others

yourusername formalities

username72 ON MY KNEES

username2 omfg the COATTT

username63 ummmm y/n babe who’s shoes are those

⤷ username3 praying that it’s lance

username49 people’s princess

heidiberger_ 😍

lance_stroll how mysterious

⤷ username72 🤔🤨

⤷ username4 not slick bro

chloestroll obsessed

username5 in her soft launch era

liked by astonmartinf1, landonorris, and 309,983 others

lance_stroll when in monte carlo

username63 oh.

username53 THE SHOES THE SHOES

scottyjames31 looking sharp brother

username26 the last slide is literally almost the exact same as y/n’s

astonmartinf1 a different kinda suit, we love it!

username62 omg do we think y/n was lance’s date to this

⤷ username8 oh fs

username64 actually fully breaking down i’ve waited for this moment for so long

⤷ username2 RIGHT those are literally the shoes in her post there’s no way they aren’t

estebanocon 😍

fernandoalo_official very smart 👌

liked by astonmartinf1, chloestroll, and 183,029 others

yourusername aston film dump 💚

tagged lance_stroll, fernandoalo_official, estebanocon, astonmartinf1

username5 this is the content we want we need

ajimmyslife tryna steal my job?!

⤷ yourusername oops 🤭

username74 estie and lance content 🫶

username18 nando and lance are so underrated

astonmartinf1 y/n giving us the content we all deserve 💚

lance_stroll that damn camera always in my face 🙄❤️

⤷ yourusername you love it

⤷ username18 he loves YOU!

liked by chloestroll, danielricciardo, and 120,837 others

yourusername pre wedding shenanigans 🍾

tagged chloestroll, scottyjames31

username92 omfg these wedding fits are eating

username19 aww scotty and chloe look so cute

username25 MAN ALERT

⤷ username56 literally praying for my life that it’s lance

chloestroll love u babe

danielricciardo ready for more shenanigans 🕺🕺

username63 losing my mind over the fourth slide

username8 y/n has a man?!

username93 guys relax it’s defsssss lance

⤷ username64 and if it’s not?

⤷ username93 then all my hopes and dreams are gone and love is dead.

lance_stroll beratta was mint

⤷ username16 this guy.

liked by chloestroll, scottyjames31, and 209,039 others

yourusername strolling w the james’

tagged scottyjames31, chloestroll, lance_stroll

username73 OMG

username64 THE PHOTO OF HER AND LANCE JDFGYRYD

username28 the fact she posted and pic of just lance and chloe oh i’m gonna cry

username22 do we reckon lance and y/n were each others dates?

chloestroll i love you sweetie 🌷

⤷ yourusername i love uuuu, had the best time chlo, so so happy for u 🥹 my sister forever x

danielricciardo giving daniel3.jpg a run for its money y/n/n

heidiberger_ stunning

username18 ugh i’m so obsessed

lance_stroll shoved me to the back half of the post smh

⤷ yourusername this isn’t abt u 🙄🙄

liked by yourusername, astonmartinf1, and 401,029 others

lance_stroll to scotty and chloe 🥂

tagged chloestroll, scottyjames31

yourusername ur messing up the feed w the b&w 😫

⤷ lance_stroll oh no

⤷ yourusername bit of sass there

username19 f1 royal wedding fr

username18 why am i crying over this billionaire nepo baby f1 driver’s billionaire nepo baby sister’s wedding to an iconic aussie olympic snowboarder 😟

username53 bye the second photo is so funny

chloestroll love you ❤️❤️

estebanocon 🤩🤩🤩

username72 this is actual so cute

astonmartinf1 royal wedding ✨

liked by franciscac.gomes, lance_stroll, and 103,039 others

yourusername RAHHHH points at home 🇨🇦🍁🥞

tagged lance_stroll

username62 dead at the maple syrup 💀

username4 lance looks SOOO boyf

astonmartinf1 rahhh 🇨🇦

username7 guys we KNOWWW no need to hide it

chloestroll lfggg ❤️

username91 ugh shes so gf and he’s so bf like i just want to put them together and 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

lance_stroll now down a cup of maple syrup.

⤷ yourusername oh!

liked by fernandoalo_official, mickschumacer, and 72,093 others

yourusername recently

usernane23 awwww she’s watching lance’s race

username12 first pic is giving gf vibes…

username11 now who are those flowers from missy?!

fernandoalo_official cheers 🍻

username66 y/n at castle stroll 🤭

lilymhe miss u 😢

⤷ yourusername coming to monaco asap bbg

⤷ alex_albon she’s actually competing rn 😜

⤷ yourusername that’s fine, i’ll fill out all my wag duties 😽

⤷ alex_albon dont you have other wag duties for ur own bf and not MY gf

⤷ username67 ALEX SPILL EVERYTHING

⤷ alex_albon fuck.

lance_stroll damn no feature?

⤷ yourusername does 3rd one count ☹️

⤷ lance_stroll i’ll let it go this time. do better 🙄

liked by astonmartinf1, georgerussell63, and 92,038 others

yourusername dump innit ☕️🇬🇧

tagged lance_stroll, alex_albon

username12 that coat is incredible

username64 alex and lance so cuteee

username3 dead that major side eye lance is giving in the last pic HAHAHA

chloestroll the last photo… whole lotta sass on that man 🤣

⤷ yourusername i know right, what a loserrrrr

ajimmyslife thank u for providing some lance meme content y/n/n

⤷ yourusername all u gotta do is ask 😉

username53 my fave bffs

alex_albon can u see my pure enjoyment seeing u getting rained on

⤷ yourusername cant believe you did that to me smh

⤷ alex_albon what can i say? u stole my gf i stole ur-

⤷ yourusername ha ha funny man funny man

liked by carmenmmundt, lance_stroll, and 129,938 others

yourusername summer so far 🌺

username71 OH MY GOD

username34 OH OH OH

username63 the soft launch is soft LAUNCHING

username18 this is for the lance y/n truthers 🗣️

⤷ username4 how do we know it’s him tho…?

chloestroll glowing 🩷

username62 i am going to throw up

lilymhe boddddd

username73 god i have seen what you’ve done for others

username91 THE FLOWERS?!? oh my girl is loved uppp

heidiberger_ gorgeous gorgeous girl

username13 ofc lance would spoil her w all those flowers, his love language is def gift giving and acts of service

username2 THE HAMMOCK KISS

liked by mickschumacer, yourusername, and 823,083 others

lance_stroll ☀️

username18 oh the soft launch is sooo good

username4 do they think we don’t know

⤷ username92 let them have it it’s cute 🤣

chloestroll cute ☺️

username65 does he think cropping her face out will mean we don’t know who it is 💀

username36 this is so fucking cute

ajimmyslife who taught u how to soft launch… mastering this social media thing

liked by lailahasanovic, lance_stroll, and 209,039 others

yourusername my man my man my man 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

tagged lance_stroll

lance_stroll ❤️❤️

username19 AHHHHHH

username4 FINALLY

username66 i’m actually going to combust

lailahasanovic cuties 🥰

username52 oh they are everything to me

astonmartinf1 admin has known for so long. i can finally breathe.

⤷ username34 how long is so long admin…?

username5 best friends to lover will always prevail

username64 big day for y./n lance truthers. we fought wars to get here.

username44 oh my god lance is so pinterest boyfriend coded i’m going to be sick

chloestroll official sister-in-law’s 🤞🤞

scottyjames31 make sure he wears his sunscreen!

heidiberger_ 🩷

username18 lance is looking mighty fine

⤷ username12 gf effect in full action

liked by yourusername, scottyjames31, and 1,082,934 others

lance_stroll summer dump

tagged yourusername

username36 BOYFRIEND LANCE THE MAN THAT U ARE

username64 dead died not okay.

yourusername ah look at my beautiful gorgeous boyfriend

⤷ lance_stroll i love u

⤷ yourusername 🤭🤭 say it again.

username18 shut up shut up SHUT UP

username63 oh my god the photos he takes of her i’m sobbing

fernandoalo_official happy for you 😊

⤷ username14 2008 alonso is rolling in his grave

username8 look how happy he is in the third pic 😫

chloestroll my favourite people 🫶

scottyjames31 LFGGG best people i know ❤️

estebanocon finally!

username46 the summer of wags and soft launches

username13 first mick and now lance, we’re losing and winning at the same time

astonmartinf1 can we know stake offical claim on number 1 y/n fans?

liked by lance_stroll, landonorris, and 129,082 others

yourusername viva lance vegas 🎆

tagged lance_stroll, astonmartinf1

username72 this is so cute

username64 VIVA LAS VEGAS

username73 oh to be y/n y/l/n wearing my f1 driver boyfriend’s team jacket

astonmartinf1 LFGGG

f1 p19 to p5 what a legend 🙌

⤷ yourusername he is isn’t he?! 🤭

⤷ username74 simping to the official f1 acc girl-

username4 the caption 😁

lamce_stroll ❤️❤️

username5 oh that fitttt

username92 fits never disappoint

liked by lance_stroll, ajimmyslife, and 102,848 others

yourusername i love my boyfriend

tagged lance_stroll

username46 girl is down SO bad

username3 y/n STAND UP

alex_albon whipped

⤷ yourusername ur talking?

username45 oh my god they are everything

username42 y/n the feet 😭

⤷ username7 at-least they have socks on

username64 yk what they say abt big feet…

⤷ yourusername 😶🤭😙😁

⤷ username69 girllll stand up 😭

lance_stroll i love my girlfriend

⤷ yourusername omg 🤭

⤷ username72 y/n girl stop embarrassing yourself he’s literally ur boyfriend 😭

[navybrat817]

When you want to tease Bucky, you send him pics involving a peek of your underwear.

When he retaliates, he sends you a video of him devouring a peach 😂

UGH. Yes, please. I may have changed the fruit though.

Starving, Darling

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: You tease Bucky and he retaliates in the best way. Word Count: Over 800 Warnings: Teasing, plum eating (bahaha), s/exy times implied, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?). A/N: Happy FriYAY, lovelies! Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

It was rare for you to finish up work early on a Friday, but you had worked over the previous four days and your boss didn’t like you going over your normal hours. You weren’t going to complain when it meant you had the afternoon off. You were, however, not thrilled that Bucky didn’t play hooky with you this afternoon. Like you, he was a hard worker and you knew he had a few things to finish up before he could join you at home.

It didn’t mean you couldn’t play.

What else were you going to do to get through the afternoon?

“Sure you can’t get off early?”

The text was innocent enough. The photo beneath it of you was not. Sprawled out in the middle of the bed with your hand down your panties, you wondered if his super soldier eyes picked up just how wet you were through the fabric.

“Or should I get off by myself? Lick my fingers clean and tell you how good my pussy tastes?”

A heartbeat later, a message from Bucky popped up. God, how fast was he typing? “Don’t you fucking dare. Only one getting you off is me.”

You smirked, wondering how far you could push before there were consequences. “Don’t know, old man. Might need to break out my blue friend. This pussy isn’t going to fuck itself.”

Bucky left the message on read.

A few minutes passed and he still hadn’t responded. You frowned as you checked to see if he was typing anything. You almost apologized for the “old man” remark. He knew you didn’t mean that, right?

The ding of a new message was one of the happiest sounds you heard all day. Would he tell you off for your sass? Tease you back? Your heart raced a bit when you realized he sent you a video. Maybe whatever he had to say was too much to type out.

You recognized the break room when you clicked on the video, gasping when Bucky’s face came into view. Even though he couldn’t see you through the screen, it was like his blue eyes stared into your soul. You could make out the gray hairs on his short beard from how close he was to the device. You wished you could bite his chin.

All in good time.

“You know what a good fruit for old men is? Plums,” he said, a bit of hair falling in his face as he looked down.

…what?

“Good for bone health and improving your memory,” he went on, the rumble of his voice mesmerizing you as he looked back at the screen. “Not to mention they’re delicious. So fucking sweet.”

As Bucky brought a plum to his mouth, he kept his eyes on the device and ran his tongue along the piece of fruit. His hand dwarfed it, a subtle reminder of how big your man was. Your clit throbbed when he bumped his nose against it and gently inhaled. It was the only warning you got before he sank his teeth in to devour it.

“Oh, fuck,” you whimpered as you watched him have his fill. Juice spilled from the corner of his mouth as he growled, reminding you of how eager he got whenever he ate you out. He was relentless when it came to your taste, demanding you give him more. And you’d give it all to him. “Fuck.”

“And still doesn’t taste as sweet as you,” he said, digging his thumb into the plum as deep as it could go. “Bet your pussy’s clenching right now, wishing I was there to fill it up. Maybe I’ll make you ride my tongue before you ride my cock. Show me how good I know you are.”

“Yes, please,” you moaned, your hips shifting on the bed and wishing he was there to relieve the friction. The first time you sat on his face, you hesitated. You’d never forget how he grabbed your hips and helped guide you up and down, moaning as you coated his tongue with your release.

Champion pussy eater and best cock I’ve ever had.

He sucked the digit clean as he narrowed his eyes. “So be good ‘til I get home, keep your legs open so I can dive right in, and don’t you dare touch my cunt again before I get my mouth on it,” he ordered, his voice deep and knowing before he took one more bite. “And I expect an apology for getting me hard during a meeting when you weren’t under the table to suck me off.”

You licked your lips, wishing he was there to slide the heavy weight of his cock to the back of your throat.

“Love you, doll,” he added, licking the last drop from his lip before the video ended.

Well played, old man.

You smiled as you typed back, “Love you, too, and I'll have your dessert waiting.”

“Good because I’m starving.”

This man. Love and thanks for reading! 💙

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[bullet-prooflove]

Hello ~~ How about "Moustache - accident - hot" for Eddie Diaz? There's so many ways, it could go wrong or right

Tagging: @kmc1989 @gatefleet @tigolebittiez @mckinleysbones @totalstitchlover19

Companion piece to:

Box Breathing - Eddie's been struggling since Christopher left.

Always - You make a promise to Eddie.

Real - Eddie tells you he wants something real.

A Future With You - Eddie makes a realisation during a one on one game of basketball.

Eddie finds your secret Instagram entirely by accident. He’s scrolling through his feed one day when app pops up ‘people you may know’.

Mostly it’s people who are connected to Chris, his math tutor, his bestie’s mom, people he really doesn’t want to associate with on social media but then he comes across one that catches his eye.

That_bookish_bitch.

The profile pic is of a book he doesn’t recognise propped up on a coffee table that he does. It’s one he helped you upcycle not too long ago. He still has the color Nebula Blue smeared across one of his old t-shirts.

He spends his time in-between calls studying the account. It’s a very popular bookstagram, showcasing the novels that you’ve been reading. They’re all filthy books, books that make even him blush because the stuff in them, it’s stuff that he’s only ever fantasied about.

Knowing that you’re into it too, well it does a little something to him.

It’s when he comes across the post about ‘Cash’ that he learns your views on moustache riding and the thought of you sitting on his face, taking your pleasure it’s hot, so hot that he ends up fucking his fist in the bathroom because he can’t get the idea out of his head.

It’s three hours later that he runs into you, he’s coming off shift and you’re coming on. He thinks he has a mind stutter in that moment because the words are already out of his mouth before he can stop them.

“With Christopher away in Texas I’ve been trying to do a little more reading. Anything you’d recommend?”

“Yea.” You say reaching into your satchel, it’s packed with two or three books that he can see, it takes you a minute to select one before you pull it out and hand it to him.

He looks down at the cover and his cheeks start to flush because it’s that damn book.

Cash…

“Thanks for the like by the way.” You say patting his shoulder as he stands there in daze, because of course his fucking finger must have slipped when he was reading your review. “Let me know what you think about page 103.”

Love Eddie? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Interested in supporting me? Join my Patreon for Bonus Content!

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[judysxnd]

Your gallery dating Lando

Miami GP. You were able to fly with him this time, so you got to enjoy some time with him. Lando was obsessed with this old camera he found. That’s how you ended up taking this picture while he was testing it out and filming everything he could.

Lando convinced you to go with him to the silver cup, even though you weren’t really into it. He absolutely loves golf, but it’s not really your thing. But he was so eager and passionate about it that you couldn’t say no. You took this picture when you arrived there. He was so excited, kept talking, laughing, like a child in a toy store. So cute.

Dating Lando means you get to be backstage with him. Usually it’s more being in the garage, but sometimes it’s literal backstage. You put out your phone saying “landoscar! landoscar!” Like the fans were on the other side, making Lando laugh while Oscar rolled his eyes. But you got a nice pic out of it. You teased them with this pic because they look a bit like twins.

It’s such a simple picture, but you love it so much. The view behind Lando, the sunset making the perfect light, him smiling, having fun doing his interview, his favorite biscuits.. him using the chair you almost fell of for his computer, the lamp he almost broke while chasing you, it’s little details like that, that you remember while looking at this picture. Also, just admiring Lando in general. You remember having literal heart eyes looking at him that you took this picture.

It wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t have at least a dozen pictures of Lando sleeping in random places. This man falls asleep everywhere. This time it was understandable. It was for the Vegas gp, it was a very busy week and it was extremely late. He stayed in the garage for a while but he couldn’t take it anymore so he gave you a quick kiss saying that he was going to nap and to wake him up in an hour max if he wasn’t up before. Obviously you had to go and wake him up. Weirdly no one wanted to do it so you had to. You took this picture right before.

Date night with Lando. After a nice restaurant, he took you to play some golf. You’ve never went to a place like that so he obviously did. He won’t ever let you have something you want undone. He will make your dreams come true, literally. Even though this was also another attempt to get you to play golf with him. He saw an opportunity and immediately took it. But you had so much fun. He got to teach you a bit because you kept missing the ball but you had such a good time. He was so proud, hence the picture.

One of your favorite pics. The smile is has after a race, after he felt like he had a good race. You know how hard he can be on himself after he didn’t perform like he wanted to, so the smiles are genuine. You love seeing him thrive like that. This picture always warms your heart.

That’s not a picture you took, I mean kinda. Lando was arriving at the McLaren facility in London with Oscar. He FaceTimed you because you never really got the chance to meet Oscar (yet). So this was your first encounter. You screenshotted this picture at the beginning. You didn’t know then but this was the beginning of a nice friendship with Oscar!

that’s what happens when you try to use Lando’s camera. You usually know how to use a camera, but you struggled with his. So you took a few (a lot according to Lando) blurry pictures, such as these two. You actually like them, if you even you wanted the focus on Lando, you think they’re beautiful. He may have made fun of you, but once they were out for the public eye, everyone liked them.

[captain-hawks]

Okay. How would you subtly mess with kita or osamu to drive them crazy missing you (say they’re away or something for a few weeks)? Would you start small and ramp up the mischief the longer he’s away? Or start with big mischief and then slowly pull away for maximum missing you-ness? Rule: no titty/dick pics, no dirty texts, calls are okay but they happen at night anyway.

💜💜kita-non 2-day streak!

kita-non!!!!! ooooooh i love your brain so much I HAVE THOUGHTS.

the thing with osamu is that he doesn’t even need dirty pictures, per se.

you sending him a video of you eating the onigiri he made for you before he left is enough to leave him shifting in his seat as his fingers hover over the screen, eyes fixated on the rogue pieces of rice stuck to your lips. your tongue darting out to try and clean them. the way you finally end up using your fingers, casually licking them clean after as if you’re not wholly aware that sight alone is enough to drive him to the brink of coming in his pants.

(you do this again the next night, but over FaceTime instead of a pre-recorded video, and osamu promptly folds like a deck of horny cards)

—

as for pragmatic kita? while he’s sensitive to how you feel about him going out of town (he picks you fresh sunflowers and makes you breakfast in bed the morning before he leaves), he doesn’t come off outwardly emotional over it himself. he spends his time away optimistically looking forward to coming home to you.

if phone calls are fair game…this is how i see this playing out. you message kita regular updates while he’s away—good morning texts, a picture of your breakfast, a zoomed-in picture of a cute fox in the garden. you ramp it up just a little with pictures of yourself. nothing obscene, just a mirror shot of you wearing his gardening hat, a selfie of you in the corner with the focus on a bird’s nest on your deck. (kita’s forever smitten with you, the hat picture immediately becomes his lock screen.)

BUT THEN you start playing a little dirty by taking a picture of you brushing your teeth in the bathroom mirror wearing nothing but your underwear and his old inarizaki jersey. it’s not a lewd image, per se. but the implication that you’ve been digging through his closet and sleeping in his clothes is enough to send him off kilter. once you can tell you’ve got him (when he texts back a cheeky “why don’t ya ever wear that for me?”), you set your trap.

when kita rings you up later that evening to say goodnight, the only greeting he gets is the slightly muffled sounds of you moaning his name and the hum of your vibrator. you can hear the hitch in his breath, and just when you think you’ve got him, he calmly says, “stop.” he proceeds to tell you to put your vibrator aside and spends the next hour edging you as he steadily talks you through exactly how he wants you to touch yourself until he finally lets you come (and you’re not expecting it at all when a picture of his cum-streaked abdomen pops up in your messages shortly after you hang up).

[fuckingsimpthatswho]

One Piece incorrect Quotes

part 2 because they are funny

Sanji: Wait, hold up, why you draw yourself like that? Usopp: Uh, like what? Sanji: Like with gorgeous, muscular legs. Usopp: Uh, this is what I look like. Sanji:

Usopp: THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE! Sanji: Okay, then I want big beefy arms. Hot ones. Zoro: I wanna have a cowboy hat! Usopp: Okay, arms and hat. draws them Luffy: Ooh, give me a cowboy hat too! Usopp: You can't just take Zoro's hat idea, Luffy! He thought it up all by himself like a good person! Come up with your own thing! Luffy: BUT I WANNA LOOK COOL! Nami: Put Luffy on one of those stupid baby tricycles. Luffy: NO!! Usopp: Tricycle, done. draws it Brook, want anything? Nami, making finger guns: Pew pew. Usopp: A blaster?! No, that's not really our style, Brook. Brook, making finger guns: Pew pew. Usopp: You know what, okay. draws it But it's just for holding, not for shooting.

Brook: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life. Franky: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back… Robin: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this. Zoro: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years. Nami: I knew I lost that potential somewhere. Sanji: Mental stability, my old friend! Brook: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Franky: From now on we will be using code names. Franky: You can address me as Eagle One. Franky: Chopper is “been there done that”. Franky: Robin is “currently doing that”. Franky: Brook is “it happened once in a dream”. Franky: Nami is “if I had to pick a gal”. Franky: And Usopp is.. Franky: Eagle Two Usopp: Oh thank god.

Luffy, watching Zoro and Sanji from afar: Two Bros, Chillin in a hot tub. Five feet apart because they think they’re not gay, BUT THEY REALLY ARE-

Usopp, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Nami: Yeah, sure. A few minutes later Nami: Here you go. Usopp: Nami: Sanji: Why am I here?

Chopper: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Usopp: Usopp: I'm gonna tell them. Nami: Don't you dare.

Nami: We’re going to a candy store?! Usopp: No! It’s nighttime, candy stores are closed. Chopper: We’re gonna ROB a candy store?!?! Usopp, sighing: No-

Chopper: How do I ask someone out? Nami: Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what, my bed has room for two. Chopper: No! Usopp: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car. Chopper: Stop! Robin: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily I can make you scream. Chopper: I feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory.

Chopper: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Nami? Nami: Usopp, easily. Usopp, laughing: What the fuck, man. Nami: Well, Sanji would be too easy. They’d probably be into it. Sanji, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck, man!?

Chopper: Today at 7 am, Robin poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing. Nami: I watched Robin brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm. Usopp: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

Franky: Know why I called you in here? Robin: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic. Franky: Stops pouring two glasses of wine. Accidentally?

Sanji: Stops making lunch an stand there confused

Franky: What are you in the mood for? Robin: World domination. Franky: That's a bit ambitious. Robin: You are my world. Franky: Aww… Robin: Franky: Robin: Franky: OH.

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Do you think König would watch corn/look at or think about other women if together? Maybe if he was deployed for a long time? 😪

I just meant to answer this ask with a few sentences on how König gives up porn after meeting you but... things got out of hand (again)

CW: Um. Toxic König being shameless with pictures of you. Reader leaves a paused porn stream lying around to teach König a lesson (and suffers the consequences.) Dirty talk & fluffy smut.

Our toxic King has watched porn, yes. He actually had a crippling porn addiction during his late teenage years. He was a bit of a loner due to bullying, found the internet, and the rest is history (this giant’s hormones were through the roof.)

And you know how it is when there’s a lot of spare time in the army... Even now when he’s older and working for KorTac, there are moments of dullness and boredom at the base, moments when nothing else helps to relieve the tension and anxiety.

But... after he met you, König started to get this odd feeling everytime he opened the stream. He feels a bit dirty, almost like he’s…. cheating on you. He can’t quite bring himself to watch it, let alone enjoy it, and so he closes the tab and has a frustrated fap with no other stimulation but his thoughts.

He thinks about the last time you two met and especially the blowjob you gave him. It's actually even better, remembering how you kneeled in front of him, watching up with compliance and slight terror in your big, wet, shy eyes. You always have that look when you take him in... It's enough to make his cock wet even know.

He especially replays the moment when he came in your mouth and how demurely you swallowed every last drop, how bashful and happy you looked when he praised you about it right after. Of course he wants to make sure you do such things to him again, even if it is a bit cruel of him to have his lady on her knees. It sends a distant sting to his heart to remember how you took both the king-sized cock and the generous load in your warm little mouth... And it also sends him to another thigh-ripping, heart-pounding orgasm just to recall your helpless little whimpers and eager tries to please him.

At some point, he starts to use pictures of you as fapping material, whether it be pics you’ve sent him, pics he’s taken of you, pics on your social media… And you would think it’s your bikini pics this guy is after, but no. Mostly, it’s the decent pictures, the ones where you're smiling and looking at the camera with innocent, bright eyes, the ones where you're clearly having fun with a friend or smiling on the brink of happy tears while petting a kitten. Your old thirst trap selfies from a birthday party are his favourite porn from now on. He's been a fool, not realizing you had tons of pictures online... He could've treated himself to them before he even picked you flowers.

You of course have no idea that he’s doing dirty things like that. Neither do you know König has stopped watching porn because pictures of you being cute get him off just as well or even better than pornography.

But things get interesting when you find some old files on his computer. And who cares if you’re snooping around a little bit: König is always snooping around your stuff, the little – big – gremlin. To your shock, you find hours and hours of material, neatly organized into folders labeled in German. They’re from a time before streaming services were a thing, but still, you’re feeling so very hurt.

Annoyed, you want to give him a lesson and deliberately leave a tab open on your own laptop one day, knowing he will come home soon. It’s just to make him realize how it makes you feel that he watches porn (well, he hasn’t watched those videos since he was a young pup, but you don’t know that).

When König comes home, you act like you’re busy in the kitchen. The paused video of a cute girl getting some attention from two muscular men is waiting for him, still on the screen of your laptop left purposely sitting on the table, as if forgotten.

König is quite loud when he comes in, almost barges in, takes off his shoes as quickly as he can, gives you a pitched yell that he’s home… Your heart is hammering in your chest, the heavy footsteps announce that König is eager to see you, but they end in an abrupt silence when he's stopped by the sight of what’s on your screen.

One, two, three…

You count the seconds in your head before König storms in the kitchen.

To your anxious thrill, the uproar is even worse than you thought. He marches to you, visibly shocked, demanding to know what it is on your screen.

You’ve been watching two naked men while he's been away?

Why...? Why would you even want to watch something like that?? The material is nasty, this sweet girl looks like she's being bullied by two rather big men! He didn’t even know you watched… watched porn.

The argument is quite brief in the end. You throw the accusations right back at him, and he just blinks. It turns out König hasn’t watched porn since he met you (other than those few times during which he got oddly uncomfortable), and he hasn’t watched those old videos in over ten years.

He never answers your questions on why does he want to watch all those "sweet girls" being bullied by "dirty men". He simply marches to his computer and deletes everything while you watch and bite your lip in silence.

Then he goes to your laptop and sets all kinds of sites on block. Huffing and puffing as he does that, you can see how frustrated he is that you’ve watched other men and their cocks.

The rest of the evening König looks at you like he doesn’t even know you anymore, both intrigued and suspicious. You know you’ve insulted his tender masculine sensibilities. But come evening, he teases you about it in bed, asking if one big man is not enough for you. That he didn’t even know his girl was so naughty and needy.

Don't you know that his cock alone could break you? A sweet girl like you could never handle two men... let alone two big cocks.

König has never talked so dirty, and you’re left hot and sweaty and embarrassed, thinking how stupid it is that porn is ruining your already red flagged relationship while also giving you the hottest sex yet. How stupid it is, considering neither of you have even watched those videos in reality.

And it’s not enough for König to ban websites and ensure his "naughty girl" doesn't come across any disturbing material.

You now have to repay him by sending some cute pictures of you wearing nothing but your underwear. Actually, he would prefer it that you wore nothing but your smile.

You will send the pictures to him at certain times of the day when he’s away, no exceptions. He will give you further insturctions on the dates. And you better be smiling on those pictures – one of those smiles you have when you see a cute stray cat or when it's your birthday.

Oh, and by the way: you really should change your social media accounts to private. Any pervert could be going through your photos at any given time.

[gabessquishytum]

Long story short, human!Morpheus is horny. Newly divorced, he's had enough of this happily ever after shit - there's no force in this universe that can make him say 'I do' again. From now on, he'll be realistic. He just wants to get laid! Not only his ex - Alex Burgess - was a cold and uncaring partner in bed, but he also was cheating on Morpheus with their gardener. The audacity! To add insult to injury, their marriage was completely sexless in the last few years, and considering that they had had sex only a few times per year before...Morpheus is seriously underfucked. His sister Death jokes that if Morpheus doesn't find anyone soon enough, he'd probably develop feelings for his vibrator. The worst is that she isn't even wrong, not that Morpheus is ever going to admit it. Morpheus is desperate. He's never been good at social interactions, so meeting someone in reality is…complicated. He goes on Tinder. Everybody does it, how hard can it be? What he gets is a pile of dick pics and a few evenings of some very poor dirty talk. Utterly disgusted, he deletes his profile and this cursed app. And then - hallelujah! - when Morpheus has kinda resigned to a life with his vibrator, his sister introduces him to one Hob Gadling. Hob is handsome, bold, says all the right things, and his hands…oh, Morpheus imagines his hands in places where no one touched him for a while. Hob's looking at Morpheus like he wants to eat him alive. Or maybe eat him out. So, when Hob propositions him, Morpheus can't grab him to the cab fast enough. He's never been religious, but he's praying to every deity he knows that Hob won't be a disappointment in bed.

Asksdksjajjs horny divorcee Dream is such a delightful concept. And isn’t he a lucky boy? He’s just found himself a pot of gold in sexual form.

Dream is trying to curb his own expectations as he sits next to Hob. He can’t get his hopes up too high. He mustn’t act disappointed if Hob happens to be… underwhelming. He’s a grown man and he needs to keep a lid on his horniness. But with Hob sitting beside him in the cab, it’s very hard to stay calm. Even harder when Hob takes Dream’s chin between his fingers, tips his head back and kisses him like they’re in an old movie. Dream whimpers. All bets are off, he’s not going to make it out of this alive.

Especially when Hob carries him up the stairs inside his apartment building. Dream clings on and feels the flexing motions in Hob’s arms and chest. He’s getting so worked up it’s actually embarrassing! But Hob looks pretty desperate too. The way he presses Dream up against the front door and sucks on his tongue definitely doesn’t come across as apathetic.

Dream has never been rimmed before. Ever. His shitty former husband never bothered. But Hob? He’s about to do it about an hour after their first meeting. He whispers into the crease of Dream’s thigh about how he just can’t wait any longer to taste him. This might actually be heaven. Dream is laying on his own couch with his legs splayed as wide as they go, and an incredibly sexy man is saying incredibly sexy things 2 inch away from his arsehole. Holy shit.

Hob makes him cum twice. He’d have kept going, but Dream begged for mercy. He’s not as young as he’d like to be, and he just needs to bury his face into Hob’s chest hair for a bit. He’ll come out eventually.

But there’s no way in hell that he’s letting Hob go anywhere!

[hrrtshape]

things i love in my FAME DR

⋆  drinking champagne on a random tuesday just because i can.

⋆  driving a vintage convertible with the top down in LA traffic, blasting my own songs.

⋆  being so known that people quote my lyrics like poetry on social media.

⋆  the absolute artistry in my vogue italia cover shoots.

⋆  randomly flying to paris…or milan…..or berlin for a dior, miu miu…HERMESSSS fitting—because, duh, i’m their muse.

⋆  seeing my movies being studied in film schools like they’re modern classics.

⋆  sneaking a cigarette on the balcony at the oscars after winning.

⋆  walking barefoot backstage because my heels were killing me.

⋆  getting unhinged fan edits that make me cry and scream at the same time.

⋆  performing at coachella while visibly high off my rocker—and nobody caring.

⋆  writing songs that feel like therapy for me and my fans.

⋆  tom blyth. 

⋆  always having a stash of…uhm….special powder in my gucci clutch—classy, chic, unhinged. very 50s star.

⋆  wearing vintage chanel on grocery runs just to feel extra.

⋆  posing dramatically on yachts during european summers.

⋆  owning a gallery-worthy art collection in my mansion.

⋆  crying during interviews and still getting called “so brave and real.”

⋆  that iconic met gala moment when i wore THAT dress everyone still talks about.

⋆  my diary entries being turned into art—fans eat it up.

⋆  tripping on red carpets and making it fashion.

⋆  messy nights in ibiza.

⋆  doing photo shoots with baby animals just because it’s cute.

⋆  dressing like a modern marie antoinette for a themed gala.

⋆  fans tattooing my lyrics on their skin—forever.

⋆  spending a whole weekend at a spa retreat just to recover from partying.

⋆  hosting insane house parties where EVERYONE shows up.

⋆  scandals.

⋆  being so unapologetically messy that it’s endearing to the public.

⋆  being a walking contradiction—diva but down-to-earth.

⋆  leaving paparazzi photos with my mascara smudged everywhere—aesthetic.

⋆  showing up late to events but making an entrance.

⋆  my hair being an absolute serve 24/7, even messy buns.

⋆  touring the world, performing while fans scream every lyric back at me.

⋆  married men.

⋆  the unshakable LOVE from my fans, who see me for all my messy, beautiful, insane glory.

⋆ accidentally causing global trends—like wearing a mismatched outfit and suddenly it’s high fashion.

⋆  randomly disappearing from social media for weeks and sending fans into a frenzy.

⋆  posting cryptic captions that spark 10,000 conspiracy theories.

⋆  photographers constantly snapping candid pics of me reading some obscure classic novel in public. book club incoming ???

⋆  wearing diamonds that literally weigh more than my head. hell yea.

⋆  constantly being compared to old hollywood icons like elizabeth taylor, but with a “modern tragic edge.”

⋆  writing poetry on napkins during nights out.

⋆  sneaking into museums after-hours because art IS just better without people around.

⋆  my team dragging me out of the club because i have a press interview in six hours.

⋆  my, my, my, my!!! name constantly being whispered on red carpets—“she’s here.”

⋆  dilfs, part 2. did i stutter?

⋆  fans screaming louder for me than anyone else at film premieres. i’m a bit of an attention whore if u haven’t decoded that already😔

⋆  causing heated debates over my most “controversial” songs (when I’m just vibing).

⋆  dropping albums with no promo, knowing it’ll still hit #1 in 47 countries. attention whore part 2.

⋆  literally JUST EXISTING and still being considered the cultural moment.

[vivi-designs]

LIZZIE HEARTS content description below

Teacup, pencils, pen, gloves, wallet with a pic of kitty’s eye, sewing kit, lollipops, card with her mom on it. A perfume holder with 4 scents, “7:30”, “Loose change” “lick” and “Starshaped” what do you think they smell like ????? Idk. The clam’s pearls are lotion. A croquet ball. The colorful book is for school work. The red book is for fashion designs. The two pens next to it are what she uses to write they’re from wonderland. With a small clay ink container(not from wonderland.) Vodka shaped like an atomically correct heart. On the far left are cards her mother made for her with pieces of advice and the one on the top says “it is better to be gloved than bearded and better to be feareded than loved.” Which is cannon from “a wonderland world.”

Makeup: the two gold vials are lip stains in dark red and dark burgundy. We have a black mascara with a rabbit on it. And a dark brown lip liner with the Cheshire Cat ontop. A maroon blush with a clock with mushrooms and a bunny on it. Her brushes are chess pieces. And her comb is made out of bone and is a heart, her eyeshadow and foundation are basically like paint. With names like rubber duck, old tooth, fresh paint, scab, cirrus, storm, oz, royal tears, tea bag, tranquil, lavender dust, hamster holiday, berry, gem, feline, pig kiss, blushy widow. All makeup is custom made for Lizzie, she made the pallet herself though.

Her phone with a white rabbit sticker, strawberry, grey gloves, star, lips, lady bug, heart, a paper that says “home is not what you miss but the people there.” And a red bow with a gold chain.

This genuinely took 12 hours to draw and then I went to bed at 4 am and woke up at 4 pm…. PLEASE enjoy this has been my life for 24 hours.

[hotvintagepoll]

Welcome to the HOT AND VINTAGE MOVIE STARS tournament! We are now finished with the Hot & Vintage Men Tournament; The Hot & Vintage Movie Women Tournament is ongoing. Submissions for hot vintage women are now closed, but we are accepting propaganda for those already in the bracket.

Round 2 of the Hot & Vintage Women Tournament will be posted Monday, March 25th. All polls—including ongoing polls, previous rounds, old tournaments, the various shadow brackets, and fun mini polls—can be found in the #hotvintagepoll tag. Every poll in the Hot & Vintage Women Tournament will be tagged with the hot woman in it if you need to search for a hot woman in particular.

FAQs:

“Where is [my favorite hot woman]?” It depends. Have you checked all the polls in the tag? Have you done a tag search for her? If you still haven’t found her, either nobody submitted her or she did not fit the criteria of being a movie woman from 1910-1970.

“Can I still submit hot women?” No, the submission window has closed. Please do not send in women you wish had made it into the bracket. I can’t do anything with those asks and they just make me sad.

“I have additional propaganda for the hot women!” Great! Send me an ask or reblog the poll and add your propaganda to it. You can also tag me in posts if you see a gifset or fancam that feels like good propaganda. I don’t boost all the propaganda I see or receive, but I try to boost the best of the best.

If you’re submitting propaganda for your hot woman, I don’t accept propaganda that’s from beyond the end of this tournament’s era (ie don’t send me pics of them from before 1910 or after 1970). I also don’t accept propaganda of TV appearances unless it’s clearly a cameo where they’re playing themselves. Please break long asks full of photo propaganda up into a few short ones. I watch every video I receive so I can add trigger warnings, so please don't send long video essays—I don't have time to watch them.

I don’t post or boost negative propaganda about any hot woman. If you really hate that a certain hot woman is winning, send me positive propaganda for their hot opponent. If you think a hot woman shouldn’t even be included in the tournaments because of scummy things she did in her lifetime, please read my take on it here.

If I see repetitive, trolling, and/or bigoted remarks in the comments, I may block you from this bracket. If you want to point out a hot woman’s flaws or misdemeanors, that’s fine, but if I see consistent bad-faith trolling, you will be blocked.

The views expressed in the propaganda are not my own. I don’t submit my own propaganda, and I don’t change what’s submitted beyond fixing obvious spelling mistakes. If you hate a poll bio or a pic, let me know and send me something I can use instead. Thoughtless bitching without constructive help gets blocked.

"Where are the hot men?" Most of them are in the shadow realm! Toshiro Mifune was crowned the winner of the Hot & Vintage Men Tournament, and the rest were banished below the earth, where shadows creep and the hours grow long. You can find all the round 1 matchups here (thank you @markwatnae!), or you can do a tag search to find out what happened to a specific hot man.

“My FAQ isn’t on here :(” send me an ask! I love hearing from you guys—just please check these basics first.

Thank you for being here! Enjoy the tournament.

If you want to search through the different rounds of the tournaments, I'm including links under the cut.

First round of the hot men—#round 1 archive, #round 1 blog

Second round of the hot men—#round 2 archive, #round 2 blog

Third round of the hot men—#round 3 archive, #round 3 blog

Fourth round of the hot men—#round 4 archive, #round 4 blog

Quarterfinals of the hot men—#round 5 archive, #round 5 blog

Semifinals—#TWO KINGS archive, #TWO KINGS blog

Finals—#hot men finals

First round of the hot women—#ladies 1 archive, ladies 1 blog

Second round of the hot women—#ladies 2

Other featured tags: #housekeeping (things that are good to know), #family lore (anecdotes relating to people sharing this with their families), #hollywood creatures (pets named after old movie stars), and #silly times (the weird polls or goofing off).