#they’re capital L Lads

[mycological-mariner]

A few of my well meaning cis friends are sometimes very confused when I wear jewellery. Not even particularly gendered jewellery, just in general. They’ll ask if it has significance/religious meaning/etc and I’ll gently say no, I just like it. They really get confused why I, a dysphoric queer guy, would still wear jewellery.

Anyways, one of them got his ears pierced this week because he “always liked earrings” but was too scared to wear them, while another now has like ten necklaces on at a time — one of them a very petite locket with pictures of his nieces, and the other is wanting to know if he needs to shave his legs to wear a skirt because he really doesn’t want to.

I love lads so much.

[hockeyandhrsepwr]

Surprise Homies!

Luke Hughes x college vlogger!reader

Sup Homies Masterlist

** I had this idea but wasn’t really sure how to write to so hopefully it makes sense & y’all like it**

"Okay boys, you ready? " You ask the guys as you finish setting up your camera. Nods come from all of them, so you hit record. You’re crouched in front of the camera blocking most of what’s behind you. 

"Sup homies & welcome back to the channel!! 

Todays video is going to be a bit different, but still fun!! I’ve had lots of people asking for a boyfriend tag, but I think those can get boring so we’re spicing it up. I have here some of our closest friends too, since we’re going to play a little game so without further ado, let’s get started.”

You step back & walk backwards towards the couch, where there’s a spot for you on the floor between Luke & Dylan. Ethan, Steve, Philippe & Jacob are on the sofa behind. As you sit down, the boys wave. Steves made a couple of appearances in the vlogs when the two of you are studying together, but none of the other boys have so they’re pretty excited. 

You plop down & Luke wraps his arm around your shoulder. 

“This is Luke, my lover. Boys, introduce yourselves.” Quickly they go around & say their names. 

“So, some of you many recognize these lovely lads, as they all play for Michigan’s hockey team. Steve here is the reason I met these lunatics, and you may recognize him as my study buddy as we go through engineering hell together” You stick your hand up for a fist bump, which you get before continuing “the rest of them just want to be in the vid for some clout.”

They protest “dont lie! Dylan asked me to put instagram handles in the vid. Anyway! They’ve all been playing since they were tiny, and today, we’re going to be testing their hockey knowledge. I’ve got 5 questions, of varying difficulty for them. They’ll have 10 seconds to write down their answers on these” you grab the mini whiteboards out of the bag in front of you and pass them around 

“Okay, lets got going!!

Question 1, and if you guys can’t get this there’s no hope for you here”

“Hold up, what do we win?” Ethan pipes up “The satisfaction of beating your teammates isn’t enough?” he shrugs, “I mean yeah”

“Anyway, question 1. 

Name one of the greats who had a fun nickname. "

“What the hell is considered a fun nickname “ Steve asks as he starts writing

"ehhhh. times up. flip!!"

L: CuJo

S: the dominator 

D: Super Mario baby

E: The great one

J: Sid the kid

P: Finnish Flash

“Ethan, thats basic, so no point. Steve, who the fuck is that, Luke, Phil, Jacob you all get a point. Duker gets a bonus for being the only one to put Super Mario which is the best nickname, no question.”

“Dude, Dominik Hasek!” Steve says “oh okay, never heard him called that but” you pull up your phone “google says that was his nickname so you get a point. Moving on”

“Question 2, name Two teams to win back to back Stanley Cups at any point. Go” The boys are writing as you count down. “Done! Flip them” 

L: Tampa bay & Islanders

S: Red Wings & Tampa

D: Pittsburg, Montreal

E: Oilers, Canadiens 

J: Detroit & Toronto

P: Canadiens & Lightning

“Okay points for all good job boys. Next question, numba three!!

Give me 2 teams located in State, or provincial before you get your panties in a twist Ethan, capital.”

“Bruh I dont know geography!” Dylan complains. “Well, that sucks for you then”

“I though this was going to be stats or something!”

“So if I asked you to list the top scorers in NHL history you would get it?”

“Yeah probably!”

“That sucks for you then since I’m asking the questions. Go”

Dylans muttering to himself going “is that a capital” as the timer ticks down

L:  Rangers & Preds

S:  Avs (Denver) & Blue Jackets (Columbus)

D: Columbus & Boston??

E: Edmonton & Toronto 

J: Red Wings (duh)  hurricanes (hopefully)

P: Detroit & Boston

“Luke, you’re wrong no points!”

“Hang on, NYC isn’t the capital?”

“Dude even I know that & I’m Canadian”

“Jacob & Steve, you both get bonus points for actually putting teams, not just cities. Clearly the rest of the boys can’t listen” 

“Duker, good job you bullshitted your way through that”

“Thats my talent babe” he winks at the camera

“Question 4, What is the dumbest penalty that a team can get? “

“Is there a right answer here?” Jacob asks

“Yes, There is a correct answer, And if you don’t know this, clearly you don’t pay attention when we watch hockey together”

“Oh thats easy” Luke & Duke both say before writing 

“Time!! Flip.”

L: Too many men - can y’all not count or something (direct quote)

S: Too many men

D: Too many “idiots on the ice” 

E: Too many sticks? idfk

J: yelling at the ref (abuse of officials)

P: Too many men?

“Wow Jacob & Ethan, wow. I see how it is.”

“You know we’re normally playing when youre watching hockey right?” Jacob says in protest. 

“Well the others got it right so stop being a sore loser. The rest of you all get points. And get your shit together guys. Lukey, bonus point for the quote”

“Its not hard, you say it every time.”

“And yet, you idiots still get the penalty!! Think of poor Adam who had his hatty taken away the other weekend because you guys can’t count!”

“Okay lets move on. We’ve heard the rant before” Steve butts in before you can get too heated. 

You stick your tongue out at him but continue

“Final question, and you can get a lot of points here. There have been lots of brotherly duos that have played in the NHL” The boys immediately start protesting & talking over each other.

“Seriously?”

“Pretty sure this is blatant favouritsim”

“Oh Hell no” 

Putting your fingers in your mouth you whistle to get their attention. 

“Can I finish? Thank you. Now, there have been many brotherly duos play in the NHL. Name one duo where at least one of them has played at least one game this season. More obscure means more points, for a max of ten, so for example if you were to say a certain Canuck & his annoying brother, that’s easy as fuck so half a point. Since this requires some more brainpower, I’ll give you 20 seconds. Go”

“What if we dont know both their names?” “You’ll still get the points if you give one as long as it fits the criteria”

“Bro what the fuck?” 

“Who the hell” 

You sit there laughing at them as they try & come up with more obscure duos than the others. After 30 seconds, times up. 

“Flip em boys”

L: Mikey & Ryan Mcleod (Go Devs!!)

S: P sure Adrian Kempe had a brother 

D: Foudy Bros (CBJ!)

E: Willy & Alex Nylander

J: Reinhart (??)

P: Kevin Hayes

“Okay, honestly I dont know off the top of my head so imma google.”

“So Luke, you’re good, 2 points.  Dylan also good, three points .”

“Hey!” Luke protest 

“Shut it. Your brother plays with one of them so its not worth as much.”

“Ethan’s secretly a Leafs fan confirmed. Also 3 points”

“Philippe & Steven. One of your boys have played this season so 5 points for more obscure”

“But Jacob, I’m impressed. Even though you weren’t sure, you not only got 2 brothers, you’ve got 3!! And only one of them has played this year, Mr Sam Reinhart. I would’ve given you more if you had at least one first name, so 7 points for you!! Be more confident in your answer next time”

“Woah woah woah 7?!” Steve says

“What would it have taken to get ten?” Phil muses

“My game, my rules. Okay!” You clap your hands “Time to see who our winner is.”

You’ve got the scores on the whiteboard in front of you, just have to tally them up

“Alright, so here’s our final ranking

On the bottom  Ethan with 5 points. You did terrible. 

Not much better, we have Luke next with 6. What the hell babe, thats embarrassing for you.

Dylan in fourth with 7. Philippe with 9, 

Stevn has 10

And our winner, Jacob! With 11 points!! 

“WHOOOO!!”

“Can I just say, they’ve been alive longer than us so obviously they’d do better” 

“Ethan age has literally nothing to do with this. You just suck.” Jacob says

You stand up and talk to the camera

“Before this ends up in an argument or wrestling on the floor, Thanks for watching everyone! If you want to see more with these lovable idiots, check out the UMich hockey social media accounts. Maybe they’ll make some vlog appearances too! 

Love all you homies, see you in the next video!!

Luke pulls you down into his lap and you smile up at him while the boys argue, as your outro music plays in the video. 

Arms wrap around your shoulder and Luke presses a kiss to your neck. “Done babe?”

Smiling, you lean back in your desk chair & tip your head back for a kiss. “Just about”

“Hurry up I want cuddles” he whines. 

You giggle as you turn back to your laptop, double checking the title & thumbnail before scheduling the video to go live in place of your usual Sunday vlog. Hitting upload, you close you computer & join Luke on your bed.

“All done” you whisper before kissing him. He palms your ass, pulling you closer & says “good” before hungrily kissing you. You ignore the rest of your responsibilities to lay there together and cuddle, knowing your time like this is coming to an end soon. 

[jonathanssweatercollection]

jancy :)

* who hogs the duvet

well we know from season 1 that nancy like to bunch up her blankets against her face and chest, which I do too bc it feels like hugging, even tho there was a perfectly huggable softboy right THERE, as well as the fact that in jonathan’s first shirtless in bed scene – which i still go haha go crazy go stupid over – that he spreads his leggies all over the place and hugs his pillows plus in s3 he did the precise same thing; by taking advantage of the amount of room in his bed and was on nancy’s side bc he was bein angsty and sad and the pillow probably smelled like her :( so I might have to give this one over to jonny lad

* who texts/rings to check how their day is going

nancy, idk why she just seems Like That and always wants to make sure that everything is a-ok. jon would too but he’s way more anxious to use the wall-phone, 1. bc he takes after joyce SO MUCH and clearly has some hereditary anxiety bc he’s so empathetic and i hc that all the byers are autistic which makes perfect sense for them to be a bit more introverted and less likely to interact with others in a social sense and wow i’m talking a lot but anyways my answer is nancy

* who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

i’ve said it before but nancy clearly put a lot of thought in getting that camera for jonathan in s1 (steve too but that’s more of a fandom-agreed-upon headcanon) so yeah nancy

* who gets up first in the morning

in s3 when we first see nancy and jonathan (and my heart exploded) nancy DID get up first bc she’s so anxious about her new job but if u disregard their season three jobs and if u mean on an average day jonathan is waking up at the crack of dawn (that is, if he slept at all) and you KNOW that jonathan is gonna make her coffee and pancakes in bed 🥺💏🥰

* who suggests new things in bed

nancy. i refuse to elaborate.

* who cries at movies

modern nancy will ONLY cry at three films and those are: star wars: revenge of the sith, titanic, and the fault in our stars. jonathan on the other hand cries all the time at movies, sometimes at ones that he doesn’t even like.

* who gives unprompted massages

nancy, but jon is somehow more skilled at them. in the s3 finale she comes up behind him and cuddles him and squeezes her face int his back. that’s the closest thing we’re gonna get in canon.

* who fusses over the other when they’re sick

jonathan is the FUSSIEST boy when it comes to taking care of other people. EVERYTHING simply must be perfect for thems.

* who gets jealous easiest

they’re both very assured and stable in their relationship but i can see nancy being Worried sometimes when she’s too deep in her self-deprecation bc she’s had a shit week and nothing seems to be making her feel happy anymore and yeah she gets like that sometimes but jonathan would NEVER do anything to hurt her and he’d never even entertain the idea of abandoning her like that

* who has the most embarrassing taste in music

jonathan. yeah. he ain’t embarrassed tho. he loves himself he says emo rights he’s amazing.

* who collects something unusual

both!!! nancy likes to pick up spare screws, jonathan likes to pick up pretty pebble. they’ve done these things since they were kids.

* who takes the longest to get ready

not to be a cliché but nancy. look jon can be a bit slobby at times aight so he just finds the closest soft (ideally clean) clothes he can find and shoves them on. nancy prefers to take her time with her make-up and hair bc a bitch HAS to slay

* who is the most tidy and organised

nancy. we see her room is organised and clean and all Perfect and shit. jonathan on the other hand has books and clothes on the floor.

* who gets most excited about the holidays

oof it’s a tie tbh. in canon nancy LOVES halloween, inviting jonathan to the party and saying ‘you can’t spend halloween night all alone!!!’ or something along those lines AND she dressed up as a character from risky business. Jonathan adores xmas, i mean look at his face in s1 when will talks about one of his presents being an atari and he’s taking pictures of joyce and her “so runny!!!” potatoes and the byers have their adorable lil christmas tree all decked out and—i’m a mess

* who is the big spoon/little spoon

jonathan is the big spoon. nancy is the lil spoon.

* who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

don’t play monopoly with nancy. she can get Mean when she wants to. jonathan gets super into boardgames but he’s not gonna be a sore winner unlike SOME 👀

* who starts the most arguments

honestly like in s3, I feel like they start and end mutually

* who suggests that they buy a pet

surprisingly (or maybe not) jonathan!!!! we know that he LOVES small animals i.e the rat and the rabbit that l*nnie made him shoot plus there’s the “i’m a fan of thumper!!!” line so yeah that leads to him saying once nancy got home one day “i have good news and bad news. bad news is we’re gonna have to go to the pet store bc we’re out of carrots. good news is we have a new son!!” it’s a bunny he found by the side of the road and they name him thumper OBVIOUSLY

* what couple traditions they have

everyone has agreed upon movie nights, sorted by genre (like i said nancy is Very Organised) bc they decided to follow up w/ the byers family night traditions – so maybe it’s not technically a “couple’s” tradition but they’re a couple and its a tradition soooooo

* what tv shows they watch together

nancy is a golden girls stan. need i day more?

* what other couple they hang out with

this shouldn’t be as tough of a question as it is but idk i just like everyone bein all happy and in love plus i am a sucker for makin all my faves bi so i would say stali for the staloncy rights but i also would love for steve and robin and to be besties with jancy is s4!!!!!

* how they spend time together as a couple

like. all the time. i mean that’s quite literally canon

* who made the first move

i still can’t believe that jonathan kissed her first but he DID and i stan him

* who brings flowers home

jonathan would hand-pick them from the park bc fuck capitalism he is NOT gonna spend 8 bucks for a few flowers that won’t even look right he wants to make sure that those flowers are the Right colour and look Rights together

* who is the best cook

jonathan bc the bitch NEVER stops cooking!!!!! he makes breakfast every day!!!!!! he doesn’t critique joyce’s cooking bc he knows that it’s gonna be delicious he knows!!!!!!!! u better believe that bitch makes muffins every saturday like clockwork and they taste DELICIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

[old1ddude]

As a person who can be consider as GP (I liked Harry's album and I did a bit of research, but I am not and I never was part of the fandom) I can tell you how the Larry thing looks for me. I don't think "antis" are blind or "Larries" are crazy. I think all this was a hoax their management did, when they saw in the early years of 1D that "Larry Stylinson" was something a lot of fans liked, in order to keep fans talking about 1D and "obsessed" with the band. And, yes, I think H&L were into it. (1)

It's very simple: all that we saw (flirts, singing to each other, DENIALS, girlfriends that really looked as beards, people being shady, M!M fails...) was something we were supposed to see. Everything was part of the game. And because fans, in general, are never gonna tend to think that their idols are lying like this, or laughing of them, then you'll get 2 opinions in base of what the person prefers to believe, "antis" think Larries're conspirators, and "Larries" believe antis're blind. (2).

The tattoos could mean any other thing, or even H&L were paid or obligated by contract to get them (I haven't seen more "couple" tattoos since long long time ago, Harry's bee is the Gucci bee). My opinion is based in: a. The actual situation: even if they didn't want to come out because personal reasons, all the situation with the "fake baby" makes no sense. No sense that there isn't a single fan picture of them hanging out together in 18 months. b. The bears, I know you all love them, (3)

It's impossible that a management who is really trying to hide gay rumors, allows to have these bears in all the shows they were, and no way if you're having troubles with the closet you're gonna do this, which looks as a joke. I think the boys and their management put the bears there, in order to go on with the hoax/ My opinion doesn't mean I believe that things like Haylor were real, or that El is Louis gf. Even H&L could have a thing in the early years and they just finished it in good terms.

Thank you for your polite, reasoned points anon.

In regard to parts 1 and 2:  It’s not the really big things that convince us Harry and Louis are romantically involved, but very subtle looks and touches - things the camera barely caught and can very easily go unnoticed, if your’e not paying close attention.  Harry’s acting in Dunkirk was impressive, but it’s hard to imagine the whole band being in character, every moment they were on camera, with subtle gestures, expressions, slips of the tongue, always pointing out the couple.  While we don’t really know the lads, we have observed them so much that we do know them in a way.  We recognize when they’re uncomfortable, sarcastic, playing to the camera, truly happy, putting on a fake smile, angry, sad, etc..  I have no doubt that 1DHQ played into Larry to some extent, at different times.  The Larry fandom spent a LOT of money on the band.  Over the years, we’ve seen a lot of push-pull.  Sometimes Harry and Louis seemed to be on the cusp of coming out - at other times their interactions were almost non-existent.  Yet, still we would observe how they were always subtly watching and very aware of each other.  1DHQ capitalizing, to some extent, on Larry has no bearing on whether they were, or are an actual couple.  With Larry being quite popular in the fandom, as you noted, why not encourage lot’s of interaction between H and L?  HQ could have had their cake and eaten it too by encouraging Larry interaction, but playing it off as “best friends” in interviews.  The separation of Harry and Louis always seemed unnatural.  What little interaction we got was often very subtle, but laced with a fondness unmistakable to careful  observers.  

I think there are many reasonable people who don’t think Harry and Louis are together.  As for the anti’s, however, they have an obsession with proving they are not a couple and we are deluded.  Maybe we’re obsessed with our favorite band and the idea of two members being in love, but at least we don’t spend our energy on other fans who disagree with us!

As for the bears:  The only people who believe (or believed) they had anything to do with Harry and Louis is the Larry fandom.  One could argue that HQ wouldn’t care about elaborate stuffed animal tableaus when it was only those “crazy larries” who paid them any mind.  

Touring benefits album sales and an act’s brand, but  the spoils are largely for the band - not the label.  It’s difficult to know how much control the lads had over staging, etc.  We do know that Louis led the boys in rebellion against the sugary pop (I enjoy some of those early songs, by the way) from their first two albums.  Against all odds, they were able to gain creative control over their music - who is to say they didn’t gain some control over their concerts as well?  Of course, image clauses, which exist in virtually all entertainment contracts, are enforceable everywhere.  (Louis and Harry had to be careful how far their behavior challenged the official narrative.  The bears are just stuffed animals.)  There is also a plausible theory that Louis has paid a price for the bears as his reflection was captured in those bear sunglasses and we saw a photo of them in a room that looked exactly like Louis’ game room.  All of the lads have been very good directing subtle shade at official narratives at times.  Nothing in their observed behavior would suggest the bears were queer-baiting, or that they would be okay with that.

Each set of tattoos, on their own, can be very easily explained away.  When you look at all of them together, platonic explanations become implausible.  No one has ever provided and example of an entertainment contract (to my knowledge) witch would require a person to get a tattoo, or otherwise, permanently alter their body.  Harry and Louis have repeatedly proven they are aware of what goes on in this fandom.  You can not tell me that Harry didn’t know the implications of the bee tattoo, or wearing bee shirts, etc..  

I don’t believe that gay men get drunk and impregnate random women.  However, if Louis were a father there would not be so many inconsistencies and striking evidence the “mother” was never in fact pregnant.  Most often, celebrity “love children” are kept hidden from the public until many years after their birth.  Nothing about the story adds up.  I could go on, and on.  I was reluctant to believe Liam fathered a child with Cheryl, but now it does seem to add up and I do believe it.

I can easily see why a casual observer would see thing the way you do.  Harry is an incredible artist and performer - I hope you continue to enjoy his work.  I don’t think it matters whether you believe in “Larry” or not in the lease.  Especially, now where Harry, in particular, is maintaining very strict privacy over his personal life.  I hope that my answer demonstrates to you, in part, why I see things as I do.

Cheers!

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Actually, I Quite Liked It

by Robinson L

Saturday, 10 December 2011Robinson L finally reads The Demon's Covenant. And really, really enjoys it~

Around two years ago I picked up The Demon's Lexicon out of a combination of spur-of-the-moment impulse and goading from our esteemed editor. I found it quite good, and many spectacularly unsuccessful attempts to review it ensued.

I eagerly anticipated

The Demon's Covenant

, but was dismayed to discover some time ago that Kyra had reviewed the sequel and

panned it

. For me, Sarah Rees Brennan pulled off

The Demon's Lexicon

rather well, but I saw signs in her work which convinced me she could very well lose control of her material in the following book. So, while I didn't read Kyra's review to minimize bias, I went into

The Demon's Covenant

with much trepidation.

… And I liked it. I liked it significantly more than I liked the first book.

I'll go into more detail in a moment, but first, some background. The following article contains massive spoilers for both

The Demon's Lexicon

and

The Demon's Covenant

.

The Demon's Lexicon

The first book in the series sets up the situation (evil magicians who increase their power by summoning demons to whom they feed other humans), and the protagonists. Alan and Nick Ryves are two brothers who've been pursued by the Obsidian Circle of magicians all their lives; Mae and Jamie Crawford are a sister and brother duo who seek help from the Ryves when Jamie gets marked by a demon.

Long story short: It turns out Nick is actually a demon trapped at birth in the body of a human. The Obsidian Circle captures Nick in their summoning circle, but then Alan uses it to set Nick free—just as he'd always planned. In the ensuing chaos, several magicians die and Mae removes the demon's mark from Jamie. The surviving magicians scatter, and the newly freed Nick decides to stay with Alan.

The Demon's Covenant

The next book picks up a couple of months later. Mae and Jamie have returned to their hometown (it's probably named somewhere, but I forget) and are trying to live a normal life. At least, that's what Mae assumes, until she accidentally catches Jamie acting mighty friendly with their old enemy Gerald, new leader of the Obsidian Circle.

In a panic, Mae summons the only two people she knows who can help: Alan and Nick Ryves. With this backup in tow, Mae confronts Gerald, who claims he merely wants to help Jamie. Jamie has an inborn talent for magic, and Gerald insists only magicians can give him the guidance he needs.

Gerald also has a proposition for Alan. Due to his demonic nature, Nick has never cared for—well, anyone but Alan, pretty much. Now his awesome demonic powers have been unlocked, he's already gotten two people killed through carelessness, and according to Gerald, it's only a matter of time before his powers run loose again. So Gerald offers Alan a terrible bargain: lure Nick into another summoning circle, and Gerald's magicians will strip him of his demonic powers. Nick will be constrained from doing any more damage than he could accomplish with a sword

[1]

, and Alan can hold onto his brother. That is, if he ever forgives Alan.

As with the previous book, characterization is one of

The Demon's Covenant

's greatest strengths, and I think the best way to describe it is to discuss our main characters one-by-one, and then throw in any additional thoughts before wrapping up the review.

Jamie

When I read

The Demon's Lexicon

, I felt like Jamie was significantly less fleshed out (and consequently less enthralling) than Nick, Alan, and Mae. One of my hopes for book two was that he would get some more character development.

For a while, I thought my hopes would go unrealized. Jamie serves primarily as a source of conflict throughout most of the story: Mae and company are trying to protect him from the magicians while Gerald tries to entice him to join them, and Jamie himself seems somewhat open to being enticed.

Towards the end, Jamie reveals his magical powers to his mother, Annabel. (Incidentally, I like the way Mae gives up trying to talk Jamie out of doing this when it's clear he's made up his mind, and settles for giving him her support.) This shows growth, but the real moment of insight comes during his conversation with Gerald after Annabel freaks out and drives off. Gerald capitalizes on this disappointment to convince Jamie his only home is with the magicians.

Jamie looked at Gerald with longing, and then looked away. “We could go to Wales and do magic, and everyone would be kind to me. Things would be beautiful, and I'd have so much power—” “Yes.” “And we'd still send demons over the mountains to murder people.” “Nobody would make you do anything you didn't want to do. You could take all the time you need to get used to—” “The idea of killing people?” Jamie asked, and he put a hand to his mouth and laughed behind it, terrible and muffled. “No. There's something you never understood, Gerald. You never had a chance.”

Which means that Jamie was stringing Gerald along this whole time. You'd expect that kind of duplicity from Alan, but not Jamie. This lad has hidden depths.

Gerald, furious at being rejected, attempts to kidnap Jamie instead. Mae begins to embark on a hopeless rescue attempt … only for Annabel to step in and brain Gerald with a golf club, saying “Get away from my son.”

There are some scenarios, no matter how overdone or badly done (which this one thankfully wasn't) which I can never get enough of. Seeing one character overcome their prejudices or grievances—whether or not they're justified—and demonstrate their love and affection for another never fails to reduce me to a twitching ball of gushy sentimentalism.

Ah-hem, moving on.

Mae

Mae also comes out very well in this book. While

Lexicon

did better in establishing her as a unique and interesting character than Jamie, she still wasn't all that memorable. In

Covenant

she comes into her own as an intelligent, capable, determined young woman. For me, Rees Brennan gives Mae just the right number of flaws to offset her strategic aptitude and implacable loyalty to those she cares about. I think the portrayal of Mae's lingering guilt over killing a magician in the previous book worked very well. I also like how her dreams of being part of the Goblin Market neither play to patriarchal stereotypes nor shout “look at me subverting these patriarchal stereotypes!”

Of course, then Rees Brennan had to go and throw in a generic love triangle/quadrilateral/thing. I don't intend to do too much Minority Warrioring in this review, but I couldn't help noticing that as soon as the narration switched to the point of view of a young woman, romantic concerns began to predominate the story to an unprecedented degree.

[2]

While this was a disappointment, it doesn't overshadow Mae's sheer awesomeness as a character, and I look forward to finding out what Rees Brennan has in store for her in the final book.

Nick

After completing

The Demon's Lexicon

, my biggest concern for future installments centered around Nick. By the end of the book, Nick has been set free with all of the immense power and none of the constraints of a demon summoned into our world. I wondered at the time how Rees Brennan would create any sort of credible threat for Nick without resorting to Deus Ex Machina.

I think she came close to Deus Ex Machina with Gerald's new mark—it seems like even a full circle of magicians shouldn't have enough power to challenge a demon. But mostly, Rees Brennan creates situations where the danger to our heroes can't be solved by a simple application of brute force. Indeed, Nick's demonic powers coupled with his callous attitude toward most human beings quickly makes him as much of a threat as scheming magicians. As Gerald succinctly observes: “he calls down storms whenever he gets angry, and the death of half a world would not disturb him.”

Throughout most of the book, Rees Brennan keeps Nick moody and inscrutable, leaving the reader to wonder if just maybe, the revelation of his demonic nature has frayed his already-loose bonds to the human world, and whether Alan's proposed betrayal might sever those ties completely.

This builds tension for the scene where Mae finally reveals Alan's plans to Nick, who storms off to confront Alan, which leads to this:

Low and cold, Nick said, “Betray me.” Alan's head snapped up. “What?” “Betray me,” Nick said again, still in that terrible toneless demon's voice, hands clenching on the kitchen counter so hard Mae thought it would break. “Turn me over to the magicians, take the magic, do whatever you think you need to do, I do not care. But don't leave.”

(Have a mentioned yet I'm a sentimental sucker?)

By the end of the book, Nick has grown to care for Jamie and Mae as well as Alan, and even for Annabel. There's no sign yet of him returning Mae's passionate desire, but I suppose that will come with book three.

Alan

Following the explosive climax of

Lexicon

, Alan was hands-down my favorite character. At first blush, he comes across as a stereotypical too-virtuous-to-be-true hero. And he is, indeed, astonishingly compassionate and self-sacrificing. But by the end of the book, Alan also stands revealed as a manipulative bastard who gambles recklessly with the lives of others for his brother's sake.

In

Covenant

, after Gerald has reminded Alan just how much of a danger Nick poses, he asks “How can you justify setting him free?” To which Alan responds “I can't justify it.”

Alan embodies the extremes of both self-sacrificing virtue and selfish disregard for others. His selfishness has already gotten two anonymous people killed, and will almost assuredly kill many more if something doesn't change. Rees Brennan has given Alan a truly anguishing dilemma: help Gerald to bind Nick, or have the blood of countless innocents on his hands.

What I like about

Covenant

especially is that it shows us how Alan's manipulativeness hurts the other sympathetic characters without resorting to the usual melodramatic and heavy-handed standbys, such as getting a supporting character killed or maimed.

At the end of the book, Mae confronts Alan over the way he lied to her and used her to scam Gerald, summing up her tirade by telling him “It was a filthy thing to do.”

“I know it was,” Alan said quietly. “You couldn't have trusted me?” Mae whispered. “I could have. I didn't,” Alan whispered back. “It was easier and safer to lie. I'm sorry.”

That's pretty low-down. Definitely my favorite character in a series whose characters I'm quickly coming to adore.

Final Thoughts

In terms of the secondary cast, I was glad to see

Covenant

increase the participation of female characters, expanding the role of the dancer Sin and adding Annabel and three highly-placed female magicians to the roster.

While

Lexicon

had a pretty straightforward find-the-villains, kill-the-villains plot,

Covenant

is more ambitious. In

Lexicon

, the tension and conflict between the four main characters provided much of the story's substance; in

Covenant

it provides much of the driving force behind the plot. The faults and flaws of the main characters create the central conflict, while Gerald and the other magicians serve to aggravate matters and provide the obligatory external evil for our heroes to overcome.

As the narrative progresses, Rees Brennan ramps up the tension until we reach the incredible climax. Granted, the climax is a bit cluttered and sometimes hard to follow, but on the whole it serves as a worthy end note for a book which—in this humble reader's opinion—significantly improves upon its predecessor.

Lexicon

has

garnered criticism

for its “middling-to-awful” prose. I didn't particularly notice at the time, though I still remember lines such as “[Nick] drew his sword and held that sharp, glittering barrier between his brother and the rest of the world” with fondness.

Covenant

is a mixed bag when it comes to prose. It has many memorable lines, some of them good, others … less so. For all its faults, the prose didn't bother me (much), and Rees Brennan spices up her narrative with some of the funniest writing I've seen in a while, such as this early exchange between Mae and Seb:

“You okay?” he asked, and then looked mildly embarrassed. “I mean, is there anything I can do about you obviously not being okay?” “Not really,” Mae told him honestly. “Would it help if I stood around uselessly, not knowing what to say?”

Seb, by the way, is a jock type who torments Jamie, and the fourth spoke in Mae's love polygon. However, as the story unfolds we discover 1) that Seb is a magician himself, and 2) that he's much more into Jamie than Mae. I could see arguments for and against him fitting into the “character whose extreme homophobia conceals their secret homosexuality” cliché—upon reflection, that's not how he comes across to me, but I'm in no position to make that judgment call.

Doubtless, there are other drawbacks, but none of them significantly impaired my enjoyment of the book. I thought

Lexicon

was pretty good. I thought

Covenant

was awesome, and I for one, giddily anticipate digging into

The Demon's Surrender

.

[1]

Still quite a lot, but substantially less than what he can do with his demon magic.

[2]

In hindsight, I should've known Mae would choose Nick in the end from the moment she saw him all rakish in the moonlight and decided to save him come what may. I must have been blinded by the faint hope that at least Rees Brennan might not opt for the obvious pairing like every single other writer in the industry. Hey, if Rachel Caine and

Melissa Marr

can mix up the formula, why not her? Alas.Themes:

Books

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

,

Young Adult / Children

~

bookmark this with - facebook - delicious - digg - stumbleupon - reddit

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 23:11 on 2011-12-28Well, I'm glad you liked it! Your analysis of the characters is excellent, and I, at least, wasn't bothered by Rees Brennan's prose. One thing that did bother me was - how do people do those hide-the-spoiler things? Anyway, it concerned Annabel. And it seemed a bit much. But, having read all three books, I can assert that Rees Brennan really has control of her plot and characters. I enjoyed the trilogy a lot.

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Robinson L

at 00:36 on 2012-01-03

how do people do those hide-the-spoiler things? The comment guide has a special section at the bottom for the "spoiler" tag. Regarding Annabel, I didn't pick up on the whole Stuffed in the Fridge angle until much later. At the time I was sad, but it felt like the kind of sympathetic character death which draws me more into the story, rather than alienating me from it, if see the distinction.

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 04:51 on 2012-01-07Yes, well. re Annabel, I actually asked Sarah Rees Brennan why she hadn't taken the button off her foil before going to mix it up with the bad guys. You cannot kill anyone with a fencing foil that has the button on. Sarah said she assumed readers would assume Annabel had removed it. Still, I thought it was interesting to see how much Mae and her mother resembled each other. But it seems to me there's a dead mother in every single book. Or at least, if you include the possessed woman - did you get to her? - a woman of a certain age in a really, really bad situation, and a teen girl therefore lacking the help and guidance this woman should give her. It's an uncomfortable trope. I mean, it does seem that Rees Brennan kills a lot of women old enough to be moms of teenagers. And I'm not entirely convinced all those deaths are necessary.

I also felt sorry for the child sacrificed so that Hnikkar could take his body. And there are a fair number of appalling fathers in these books, come to think of it. Fortunately, there's also a good one or so.

Anyway, I did very much like the characterizations of the sibling pairs and the love between and among them. That theme really won my affection for these books, whatever quibbles I have.

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 04:51 on 2012-01-07Yes, well. re Annabel, I actually asked Sarah Rees Brennan why she hadn't taken the button off her foil before going to mix it up with the bad guys. You cannot kill anyone with a fencing foil that has the button on. Sarah said she assumed readers would assume Annabel had removed it. Still, I thought it was interesting to see how much Mae and her mother resembled each other. But it seems to me there's a dead mother in every single book. Or at least, if you include the possessed woman - did you get to her? - a woman of a certain age in a really, really bad situation, and a teen girl therefore lacking the help and guidance this woman should give her. It's an uncomfortable trope. I mean, it does seem that Rees Brennan kills a lot of women old enough to be moms of teenagers. And I'm not entirely convinced all those deaths are necessary.

I also felt sorry for the child sacrificed so that Hnikkar could take his body. And there are a fair number of appalling fathers in these books, come to think of it. Fortunately, there's also a good one or so.

Anyway, I did very much like the characterizations of the sibling pairs and the love between and among them. That theme really won my affection for these books, whatever quibbles I have.

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http://mary-j-59.livejournal.com/

at 04:53 on 2012-01-07Eek! sorry for the double post; I don't know how that happened.

[alberteamllc]

Fancy That!

So there I was, your ever-humble narrator, enjoying a pint of something kind of fancy and minding my own business in one of the most chi-chi establishments on the Smallfellow main drag when who should blunder in one but one of those schmucks from the palace where I used to run that hobo operation. Of course he wasn’t in his dopey palace livery, he had on rags practically, which, like, was pretty racist-- this is a nice bar, wine and tapas and everything, look around you buddy, everybody in here but you is a halfling and nobody here has spent less than five silver pieces on their shoes alone, what, do you think all halflings walk around barefoot and eat ten breakfasts a day and live in pastoral squalor? Get real and try educating yourself for a change.

Anyhoo, he ambles up like he’s being sneaky and slips me this envelope. I guess after Prince Whoever had his big temper tantrum last time I went to collect what he owed me (it was embarrassing for him, but even more embarrassing for Ewer-- that moron got his adam’s apple turned to apple sauce that night!) they decided to try the “subtle” approach. Still pathetic. Strictly amateur hour. So I look him in the eye and loudly say “SORRY BUDDY I’M BY ENGAGEMENT ONLY THESE DAYS. IF YOU WANT THE FRANCIS FLIEG EXPERIMENT (my new nom du stage--like it?) I’VE GOT A SET AT THE BELL & WHISTLE FROM SEVEN TO NINE EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. NO ENCORES” but then just for the sake of appearances I take a little peak inside this envelope and holy st. merriwether dear reader did I like what I saw! Never let it be said I’m too stubborn to be receptive to a sudden change of heart. So I treat the bar to a round of the second cheapest champagne the place has and say hey look I’ve got this dry sense of humor sometimes, I really think we can work out a way to do business.

So I decide to indulge in some of that old-school Francis Flisk chicanery and dine and dash just to see what this stuffed shirt does about it. Squat. Good sign-- because I feel like his boss needs me for something illegal, and in most cases dirty money’s easier to get than clean money. Anyway we wind up at this apartment not far away, right on the edge of that human neighborhood, I forget the name, where all the hip young second sons and first daughters who can’t hack it in the dynasty game go to drink expensive coffee and become priests and priestesses of that tacky fucking bank. It’s one of those digs that you know the cops or the government keeps decorated in the most blandly tasteful and lifeless way possible to use for stake-outs and deniability stuff like this.

It turns out this job is my worst nightmare. It’s extremely hard work and barely illegal. Out of the shadows steps this cop. I know the guy. He’s crooked as the road to Schockonote, pardon a folksy halfling saying, the human audiences eat that shit up and it’s become a force of habit. Caowulf Cutty. A real bastard but he’d looked the other way for me plenty of times during my days with the Handsome Lads in exchange for modest kickbacks. But now-- what the hell?-- he’s acting like he’s never met me before and he’s got me pinned to the wall with his elbow at my throat and my feet dangling in the air, calling me criminal scum and this and that. Ok, sure, like he can talk. They make like they’ve got me in some kind of sting-- like, they caught me running tundra tar or something and if I don’t do what they say I’ll blah blah blah but I’m all like, yeah? Prove it. I’m clean, pigs (I’m not). After a while we work out a deal. I’ll keep 10% of the money in that envelope and they’ll stop hassling me about this alleged tundra tar business I did/didn’t do.

It’s like this-- once in awhile when I’m really hard up I’ll do a job for this guy Salomon Six-Fingers. He has a little tavern by the docks, slings this truly appalling sodfish stew but he’s a nice guy, honest, and somehow he’s managed to make a little name for himself running jobs under the nose of the Quiet Guild without getting killed despite being nice and honest. Mostly stuff the Guild couldn’t care about or fail to make overcomplicated because of course. And people work for him because obviously the guild doesn’t get a cut.. Or because they get off on pretending to have morals or professional ethics or whatever. Anyway one of the big things people go to him for is salvage jobs. Old ruins. Humans are too stupid to go into them because they think their precious mediators will pop out and say BOO at them and they’ll piss their britches so it’s good work for us halflings if we can get it.

All this time the dipshit from the palace hasn’t said who he’s working for. Like I don’t know. It rhymes with Rinse Cranselm Brinsatsi. But what they want me to do is they’re gonna leak Six-Fingers word of a ripe little abandoned mine called Sweetroll Hill and say the only thing keeping people out of that sweet ore is the fact that the place is overrun with the infamous Handsome Lads. Ok, yeah, “infamous,” big scary halflings running around with sticks and empty quivers. But I’ll get to that in a second. A little team is assembled-- including yours truly as the thief and the guy who knows the gang, knows the mine (which, I do and do, but again-- presumptuous and racist)-- and then we go and clear it out. But here’s the tricky part. All the way there I’m making little signals, leaving a little trail, and behind me, the fuzz. And on our way out, the triumphant heroes are caught red-handed with armfuls of stolen loot and a pile of dead halflings in their wake. I get off scot-free, the suckers who know about the place are in jail where they can’t blab about the location, and the “mysterious employer” gets to swoop in and take whatever he wants down there. Which sounds like a lot of work but again they wouldn’t drop this tundra tar thing. Oh well. The mine isn’t far and it’s run by a bunch of D-listers. Big-Stud Broly, who’s no Huge Hunk Haglund to say the least, and a snot-nosed little wannabe called Leander Hawthorne. If you want to know how vast and capacious the barrel they’re scraping the bottom of is, they’ve even got a goblin in their crew. I also get to help pick the team.

So obviously I’m presented with a moral quandary. I’m picking people for what’s essentially a suicide run. This is the end of the line for them one way or the other-- if they don’t die on the job (not impossible) or when the cops get rough with them (not unlikely), then they’re headed to prison for a long time. So I think and I think loooong about who I hate enough in this business to make this whole thing really hysterical and satisfying instead of just pretty hysterical and satisfying. I come up with a wish-list:

1. Davey Driftwood: This schmuck shot me with a crossbow once when he was guarding a caravan that me and the boys were trying to get our meat mitts on. He definitely doesn’t remember this but I know he kind of remembers my face because he always gives me this little nod and smile when we’re both at Salomon’s or that little place that gnome runs by the bazaar with the good bread. Couldn’t wait to wipe that goody two-shoes smirk off his face. He’s also some local celebrity upriver in the boonies because he knocked off some nobody bandit a few years ago. Occasionally some hick recognizes him at the bar and buys him one of those watery pee beers trash humans drink. I hate humble guys like that who don’t capitalize on a good thing. And I especially hate people who get famous for doing the cops’ jobs for them and then have the nerve to act like we can still be pals. DEFINITELY on the list.

2. Bloody Bonnie: B l o o d y  F u c k i n  B o n n i e. Ever meet someone who thinks they’re funny? That’s Bonnie. Some land pirate. Dumb term and anyway gnomes invented it. Yeah yeah, gnomes and halflings, different species, and I’d rather cut my own head off than kiss a gnome, but we little guys have to stick together and I hate it when humans bite our rackets. Speaking of which, right, she thinks she’s so funny. I’ve heard all the halfling jokes before and I’ve heard them all again another three dozen times from her. Wouldn’t kick her out of bed though. Had a brief idea about tipping her off before the bust and seeing how puny she thought I was after that.

3. Paolo the Exile: First off, what a joke. Who calls themselves “the Anything.” Can’t stand that bit. Second of all, I hate dwarves. I’ve only met the one but I hate stories about dwarves and I hate Paolo. Too quiet and I don’t like anybody who won’t show their face.

4. Roxan McClintock: People call her “Flinty” but she’s a Roxan through and through. You know these guys, these McClintocks? No, that’s McBEAM idiot, I mean the McCLINTOCKS. But don’t get me started on fucking McBeam. RIght, so-- I was born poor. My dad-- Moldew-- and my ma-- Instke-- they were both poor too. They grew up in tall grass over their heads and they worked until they died from it, because they were stupid. I’m smart. I knew I had to do whatever it took to have a roof over my head, with a chandelier on it, and a bed with eight pillows on it and a girl on each. And look, I’m young, and two out of four ain’t bad! The roof doesn’t leak and the pillows ain’t too shabby themselves! But yeah-- that’s why I degrade myself with these fucking jobs. Because I need to. That’s why I crawl through the dirt and show stupid tourist humans how to get through the swamps. For the money that I DON’T. HAVE. Roxan does all this shit because she “wants to.” Because “she ain’t no high class broad.” Yeah, stick a paintbrush down my throat already. She’s all “hey y’all” and “yeehaw” but Roooooooxaaaaaaaannnn is pure Smallfellow, get it? Her dad’s a university professor, her ugly brothers are university professors, they eat caviar and pear jelly with rich humans all day and wipe their asses with silk hankies. She should know her place and marry some rich tailor and cook fiddlehead fry every night and have a million dumbshit babies who marry rich tailors and so on and so on until they fucking choke on their gold pieces and die. If she wants to bark with the big dogs so much she can go bark in the kennel.

5. Huxley Swallowtail: This guy’s just awful. Just atrocious. Big hat with a feather on it. Pantaloons with stripes. Just the worst. The worst. Opposite problem as McClintock really. He acts like he’s some Seven Fingers of Sin gentleman thief but he’s really just alley trash who made his bones breaking arms for loan sharks and beating up younger kids for their lunch money. You can’t smother trash stink with fancy cologne.

But unfortunately I can’t pick all of these clowns so I write down DAVEY DRIFTWOOD in big block letters on the top of my little sheet of paper and then I roll a dice for the other two. Paolo and Roxan it is. To make a long story short the job goes fine. It gets dicey for a minute because I’m saddled with three incompetents. McClintock makes friends with some revolting hermit and comes back waving around some magic stick and later on they tip off the entire camp somehow and wind up cowering behind boulders. But it works out fine in the end. McClintock is shipped off to Fort Stolas to crack open rocks for the rest of her life-- priceless-- and Davey gets to have his precious reputation dragged through the muck. The best part is the dwarf-- he makes this pitiful “don’t worry about me, run, I’ll hold them off” martyr complex speech and just as they put a dozen windows in his stupid body he can see his friends getting hogtied and hauled away! God I wish he didn’t wear that fucking helmet so I could see his face when he realized he died for literally nothing. Exile, right, exile from reason maybe.

For a few days I’m walking on air. I have money in my pocket, shows booked, and I get to go to sleep dreaming of  McClintock and Driftwood toiling away in their cute little prison pajamas. But then that guy the Octopus shows up at my door. I’d heard stories but the first time I met him actually was the bust at the mine. He was in charge. I didn’t like him. His face didn’t change the entire time-- just straight lines. Before I know it I’m on the ground, can’t move a finger, and he’s telling me I’m coming with him. Well, not much I can do about it. So off we go and I realize we’re rolling up to the palace. I’m terrified. I mean, I’m cooking up a dozen escape plans but I’m a little scared, I’ll admit it. In we go and I’m trying to play it cool and he shoves me in this huge room with a fireplace and portraits of rich humans who look like they have permanent constipation and holy moley it’s the prince himself! Again. The first time I was kind of in awe of him. He knew how to run a good racket. But this time-- well…. I don’t know. On the one hand… I was scared. He didn’t… look right. Something lifeless about him. About his eyes. And that tiara or whatever, which, and I mean I didn’t get a good look, but looked like it was made for an elf head or an especially fat gnome head, it was… on him. Let me back up. It was on him but it shouldn’t have been. It shouldn’t have fit. It… there wasn’t blood but… I don’t… I can’t explain it. I… I was shaking, friend. But on the other hand it was kind of sad. This wasn’t the guy I’d seen knock the smirk right off of Elias Ewer’s face. This was somebody who didn’t know where he was going. You get a sense for that kind of thing in the circles I used to run in. People taking stupid risks and picking pointless fights because they’re just running out their time on this stupid planet and are trying to speed up the process. That was him. He looked exhausted.

But, you know, I tipped back over into scared pretty damn quick because-- oh, hey, this is off the record, right? Ok, good. Right. I tipped back over into scared pretty quick because he bares his teeth just like a dog and he’s on me with a fancy saber, just bludgeoning away with the pommel. I’m on my back with the first hit, because I’m fucking shocked, and then he’s got his legs on either side of me just going to town. I’m-- I’m blubbering like a baby, trying to wave my hands, say no no, get off me, and he’s got me by the lapels slamming me into the floor saying “Leave the McClintocks out of this, leave the McClintocks out of this, you filth, you worm, do not touch them, do not bring them into this” or something like that. Which-- what? Really? They’re well-off by halfling standards but what does he care about a pack of three foot tall hypernerds? But one way or the other he’s practically foaming. It takes that scrawny bodyguard of his to pull him off me. The guy dusts me off himself and walks me outside. He apologizes! He apologizes right to my face. I forget what I say. I don’t remember the rest of the night really. I got drunk. I got really really drunk.

But now he’s dead. Funny how that happens to people who cross me. And McClintock’s out of jail. Look, I can’t get revenge on the prince, because the idiot got to himself first. But when you mess with me and there’s something important to you, I’m going to do what I can to break that thing. And when you’re giving me a concussion while drooling some nobody poser’s name into my face, I don’t forget that name. And she’s not gonna forget mine.

[royal-fm-blog]

Friday Interview - Taron Egerton

This week your glorious host sits down with one of Royal’s most loved residents, Taron Egerton ( @soutterlytaron (. Read more below:

Taron Egerton: Good morning, mate. Thanks for having me!

Nick Grimshaw: Hey Taron! Thanks for joining us on the lovely Friday morning. How are you today?

TE: Quite all right, actually - despite being woken up way too early by our dogs. They really love their early morning runs, more than I do.

NG: Is there such a thing as too early a morning? I mean maybe it's just the radio that does it to me - but I seem to love them.

TE: Yes, there is. I'm not a morning person, at all. Which is why I became an actor - we never have early morning shoots, no sir. TE: Obviously, I'm not to be taken seriously, right now.

NG: I'm taking you completely seriously, mate. So if anyone's listening - don't hire Taron for an early morning, he's not gonna be havin' it. Is that what's drawn you to the theatre at the moment?

TE: I started out in theatre, actually. When I was 15, I joined a theatre group at a local arts centre, and since then I just couldn't imagine not acting, really. At RADA, I spent most of my time on stage, too, doing productions, working behind the scenes, working on scripts, too... and after graduating, I went and played in different theatre plays. It's a theme in my life, I think. That I was chosen for a role in a big franchise film, that was pure luck, and a lot of faith put in me by Matthew Vaughn.

NG: So does Singing In The Rain feel like more of an ode to who you were before going into film acting? Or do you think that it's always going to be what you want to do and film is just something a little extra?

TE: Don't get me wrong, I love being on film sets. Capital L. There's an atmosphere that is unlike any other, and to be able to work with people you have admired for so long... I was really lucky with my projects so far. Theatre, though, that's in my blood, as cheesy as that sounds. The thrill of being on stage, that's something I'm addicted to, no doubt about that. TE: And Singin' - it started as a re-write I did, a doodle, really, because I was bored. My project had been pushed back, I had trained and worked out and had nowhere to go, really. And then Scarlett found my doodles and turned it into a proper project... and thanks to the amazing cast, it went on to be a big success for the Baroque Theatre. And me. I'm really proud of my project.

NG: You should be proper proud mate. I've been down to see you guys and it's really something out, your doodle has really given life to something amazing. Which was a pun worthy of the Valentine's carnival. Speaking of - did you head down? Take a hot date?

TE: Okay, I'm going to be bold and go on the record with this - Jake kills it on stage every time. I'm in awe. There, I said it. TE: That Carnival - I still cannot get over the puns, they were so bad, they were good. TE: My hot date for the night was my girlfriend - we had quite a bit of fun strolling through the stands at the Plantation

NG: I've heard on the town grapevine that you guys are the most loved up couple around, so how does that feel? Do you like feeling settled or are you in one of those situations where you're both settled and have room to fly?

TE: Most what now? I'm not sure people can look at Louis and Harry and still actually say that. TE: If by room to fly you mean that we give each other the freedom to do things our own way, and meet with friends and spend our days the way we want to, then yes, that's exactly what makes us us. Honestly, though - I never thought I'd fall for someone so fully without feeling this kind of fretting you usually feel, when you know you might have someone you feel more for close to you. With Phoebe, I don't think we even thought about it much, we just went for it, one step at a time.

NG: I think when it comes down to Louis and Harry, anything that fast can't be that great - can it? But I'm not here to trash talk anyone. Equal love and all that. NG: I've never been one for relationships myself, mate, but honestly - that reminds me of my mum and dad a bit, they were always proper in love. NG: Do you have a tune you'd like to dedicate to Phoebe this morning? Or anyone really?

TE: I don't want to judge their relationship - they've known each other for ages already, so maybe they never acted out on their feelings? Either way, they're two lads with loads of kids in the house by now. It's kinda funny to see. TE: My parents divorced when I was young and my mum eventually remarried and had my sisters... I feel like there's no perfect person for you, just someone who is right for you, who'll support you and remind you that you're wrong - or right - about things, and someone who wants to spend their life with you. If you have that, that's when you know you hit the jackpot. TE: If I were kinda douchey, I'd say Ed Sheeran's "Shape of You", but honestly, that's mostly, because I heard it this morning on my run... No, I'd like to dedicate Pharrell Williams' "Happy" to the townies out there and hope they have as great a day as I have!

NG: They surely have enough kids for a football team by now! NG: I like that you put wrong their first instead of right, I agree that sometimes I absolutely need someone to tell me 'no' rather than 'yes'. Whether thats a romantic partner, my best friend or my producer Fifi. Just as a final little question, how do you think this all went? Are we setting ourselves up for success? NG: Thanks for your song choices, mate. And it's been a proper pleasure having you on the air.

TE: A mixed football team for sure. Just don't put the tiniest in goal, that'd be unfair. TE: I need to be told no a lot of times. If not, I'll just go for it and end up in a pickle more often than not. But also someone to encourage me. Phee does both and I love her for it and for many, many more reasons. I think this went rather decent, don't you think? You're definitely setting yourself up to be the radio host everyone listens to in the mornings! Fingers crossed you'll get more exposure. TE: the pleasure's been all mine. Thank you for having me.

[missaliceteeple]

Last night I attended the Trans Rights emergency rally at the Stonewall Inn in the West Village. After the speeches ended, a large mob of several hundred took to the streets. I ran into some friends from Rise and Resist. No one was entirely sure what to do at that point. My friend motioned toward the wall of NYPD forming around the edge of the street, positioning the barricades. "The cops are scared of us," he said. "They're scared because we're organizing." "Good!" I replied. If they're scared, that's a good sign. It means gaining strength. It's why the right ruthlessly mocked Obama's history as a community organizer - Conservatives never believed that it was a weakness. They were frightened of that power. Here's some news for wholesome white bread Mayberry fucking America: those so-called "sissies" that got beaten up and threatened and thrown against lockers; those kids who were figuring out in terror whether they could admit they weren't the gender they were born with and got harassed by their peers and administrations; those kids who were in those safe spaces like theatre arts and music and art programs that are currently getting cut - guess what. They grew up, moved to NYC, and are furious. And they are mobbing together with other activists. And they are on FIRE. A few minutes later the crowd began marching up 8th Avenue. A man in a bank called out at the crowd with a nasty slur and the parade started screaming back. The asshole retreated behind a locked door, taunting the marchers from the safety of several glass walls, flipping everyone off and cackling. And a million memories of jocks hurling volleyballs at my head, breaking my glasses and knocking me to the ground, came whooshing back in a flash. It never ends. Junior high is always with us. The bullies grew up, got MAGA hats, and kept right on bullying. The march made a sharp right turn at 34th. To my delighted surprise, they had spontaneously decided to occupy the cosmetics counter at Macy's. The looks of shock from basic shoppers and retail workers alike were priceless, as the mob of chanting trans men and women, activists, a sousaphone player, drag queens and nonconformists gathered in the main concourse of the store. Some began dancing in a circle, singing "WE WILL SHUT YOU DOWN!" One by one speakers hopped up on an empty display and bellowed throughout the store. The cosmetics counter had been chosen as a symbolic place where many transgender people had begun to find their identities, but the truth was, everything sold in that store hinged on some form of corporate slavery, racism, trampling of worker's rights, inability to form unions, and whitewashing. I hopped up on the escalator at one point to see a birds eye view of the size of the crowd. It was quite a fucking spectacle. I was so proud to be with them and honoured to document this movement. The march left Macy's and continued up to the belly of the beast - the George M. Cohan statue in Times Square. George M. Cohan wrote one of the most famous military propaganda songs of WW1, "Over There," which has since been usurped by Trump's infamous creepy little beauty queen tap dancers. Here are the real lyrics: Johnnie, get your gun Get your gun, get your gun Take it on the run On the run, on the run Hear them calling, you and me Every son of liberty Hurry right away No delay, go today Make your daddy glad To have had such a lad Tell your sweetheart not to pine To be proud her boy's in line. Over there, over there Send the word, send the word over there That the Yanks are coming The Yanks are coming The drums rum-tumming Everywhere So prepare, say a prayer Send the word, send the word to beware We'll be over, we're coming over And we won't come back till it's over Over there. Well, here we are, 100 years later, and 'Over There' is 'Right Here.' I found it very fitting that this band of misfit patriots, of all races, genders, backgrounds and classes, found common ground in battling corporate America. Because when it comes down to it, all of this is a goddamn class war, just as it always has been. Human rights always take second seat to capitalist interests. The Civil War came about not because people were REALLY concerned about slavery, but because the North wanted bigger industrialization, which would mean slavery and an agricultural base would become obsolete. Southerners were angry about the threat to their sizeable investments in human trafficking, and the North's wool factories were operated by small children breathing in deadly fibers. The Civil War was all about making someone else rich on the backs of those at the bottom of the class treacle well. Today, nothing has changed. We still have child slavery, human trafficking, and an autocracy rivalling that of the Gilded Age. Last night they reflected upon this in Times Square, the Ground Zero of American capitalism: all neon lights and nonstop advertisements acting as sirens to convince you to purchase things you don't need. And they defied them all, standing in a circle, holding hands. But they sure as fuck weren't singing "Kumbayah." They were singing "WE WILL SHUT YOU DOWN."