#they woulda had to hold me back too 😭😭😭😭

[catboygirling]

😭 and ❓️!

😭: angst or sad WIP snippet

Yrliet stared at the carnage she had wrought. A bloody hole had been torn through Pria’s chest, bones and muscles alike eviscerated into mist. Her arm hardly clung on to the tattered remains of her torso. And her eyes… Her eyes were still wide with fear. Everyone was screaming. Aivu nudged the corpse with her nose, the noble dragon reduced to a whimpering animal. Lann clutched her hand, begging her to hold on for just a moment longer, despite her body already growing cold. Woljif tore through the kitsune’s backpack, tail lashing wildly as he searched for something. Yrliet hoped that they had crude stand-ins for spirit stones to protect the poor kitsune’s soul from the demon that had steeped Yrliet’s heart into darkness. “Found it!” Woljif cried, pulling out the silver scale of a large reptile, bigger than his head. He barely had time to finish his sentence before Lann snatched it from him and pressed it against Pria’s body. And then there was a flash of light so bright, Yrliet nearly went blind. Her rifle was so heavy in her hands that she could not move them, so she had to meet the sunburst head-on. With her own eyes, she saw Pria’s flesh knit itself back together. As quickly as it appeared, the light dissipated, leaving only a much duller scale, and Pria, so masterfully restored that if Yrliet hadn’t been the one to kill her, she would never had known she had died in the first place.

Yrliet exposure therapy! it's uh... not going well. if it helps, accidentally killing her ally with her hyper-advanced xenos tech is what gets her to earnestly try to integrate with the sad, primitive Golarions.

❓: any WIP snippet you want!

Lann looked down at all the layers he was wearing. “I think this is the most clothes I’ve ever worn at once.” “That’s weddings for you,” Seelah said. “At least you didn’t end up with a crazy costume party like Elan and [his wife].” “Oh, no, Pria wanted to do that. Apparently, it’s tradition at kitsune weddings for it to be like a big masquerade ball. No one even knows who the bride and groom are until they say their vows and throw the masks off, and before then, any couple can go up to the altar and be wed, too. Sometimes the bride or groom marries the wrong person!” “Now that you say it, I’m surprised that’s not what’s happening.” “Well, when the groom is the only one with a horn and heterochromia, it kinda ruins the surprise. And then I had to talk her out of finding enchanted shapechange masks and giving them out to all the guests.” “Damn,” Woljif muttered, helping Pria into her dress in her own dressing room, “I woulda liked to be a kitsune for a day…” Pria laughed. “And you would convince Daeran it would be very funny if you got married, right? You’d get rich so quickly off of that!” “Are you kiddin’? Like I’d want to have to deal with all the fancy aristocracy! I got enough of that from the Crusade. Plus, Daeran’d do all that just for fun, no need to make things all complicated. But it would have been pretty funny…” “I’m glad we got to honor some mongrel traditions, at least.” Pria looked heavily at the small box setting on the side of her vanity. Very, very carefully, Lann took Pria’s wedding necklace out of the lockbox he’d been keeping it in. In accordance with mongrel tradition, they had both made their own hand-crafted necklaces to exchange during the ceremony. Her necklace was made from small stones, all taken from Split River’s titular riverbed, strung together and arranged to form a line of butterflies. “I don’t know.” Lann rubbed a stony insect between his fingers. “I keep thinking it’s too simple for her. I didn’t even paint them! It’s not magic or anything!” “You don’t think it’s too gaudy for him, do you?” Pria held up Lann’s necklace: a garland of amaranth and forget-me-nots she had grown herself. “Blue’s not really his color…” “Lann,” Seelah said, setting a hand on his shoulder, “Remember that silver bracelet you gave her? She wore it every day until she proposed. And that necklace…” “…is somethin’ you made yourself! In record time, too, I don’t think anyone can make plants grow as fast as you do.” Woljif wrapped an arm around Pria’s shoulders, like he was letting her in on a big secret. “He’ll be fallin’ all over himself when he sees it!” “You’re right,” Lann said. Pria gingerly set the garland back in its box, awaiting its grand reveal in just under an hour. “I’m sure he’ll love it.”

this is a very big snippet, but what can I say, I like it when two characters are stressing over the exact same thing. yes, this is the lannia wedding fic... desna knows when I'll actually finish it.

[quiveringdeer]

not a levi girlie? *gasp*

then i'm hitting you with the uno reverse. do YOUR top three from AOT

bdkdjfjd I know! I like him but just never got on his hype train 😭

But dang my top 3 is hard, back in the day I think Reiner woulda been all of them, he's still in top 3 tho

My girl Sasha is next! I just super relate to her, though she's way kinder than I am. She inspires me to be better and have a more goofy, fun outlook on things and live in the moment 🥹

Third is soooo hard, I was thinking about so many. Going back and forth between Porco, Gabi, Bertie and even Eren.

In the end I think I actively think about Porco the most at any given time. I love a snarky asshole with a heart of gold that I could banter with at the end of the day.

Bertie, Gabi and Eren under the cut tho 🫣

Bertie just deserves soooo much better and I wish Isayama had given more care about him. I feel like he gets forgotten often, even for promotional things :/

Gabi is like my niece! I will protect her ALWAYS at all costs! She deserves to be able to be an annoying kid and not have to worry about a war and making life or death decisions (all of them do to he honest). I love hc her in modern AUs where she lovingly annoys Reiner and drags him out on shenanigans.

So funny all of these are versions of green! But Eren, oh Eren. He's such a tragic character. Young Eren very much annoyed me to be honest. I didn't start liking and appreciating his character until the last seasons and just wish he didn't have the burden of all that knowledge and gravity of holding the fate of their world in his hands while he was still such a young kid. Even if he was 20 at the end, that's still too young to have carried all he did and done it alone because he didn't want to involve his friends because he felt there was no other way. Ugh I just have soamy thoughts about Eren. 😔

[kdreamer]

Wow. This is just so well written that there are no words to even describe what I feel from reading this.

This whole chapter is so intense. I don’t even know what to feel anymore loolll. I felt like half the time I was just holding my breath because the responses from both DO and baekhyun are so real. I love how despite the fact that baekhyun and DO are blinded by anger, baekhyun still knows to protect FL. His priority is himself obviously, but he acknowledges his feelings and doesn’t hold himself back from wanting to stand up for her, other than the fact that we know all he wants is to be her but his pride and the fact that she betrayed him is holding him down. But be fr, she has been quite literally falling apart lying to him. And we all know it. I think he’s just too deep in what has just happened and his emotions for him to realise how much this has been destroying her. I mean she works for the “good guys” but she’s falling for one of the “bad guys”. Ofcourse she’s going to feel insane. It’s going against what she believed in for atleast a while now. But again she’s literally a mess and doesn’t understand her own feelings so I don’t feel horrible for her.

Kyungsoos reaction is valid. But you guys were on a break. But again his reaction is SO valid. (Can you tell I’m conflicted). Part of me hates his reaction but another part of me understands and sympathises with him. He had lost a lot from trying to catch baekhyun; his career and pride that he had in himself because of his job and now his girlfriend. Correction Ex-girlfriend. Because remember he had already lost her once when he asked for a break. It just hurts him more loosing her again bc whilst he changed his mind/regretted asking for a break and started loosing it trying to get back to her, she’d already slept with the one person he hates most.

I honestly felt horrible for all parties involved. It’s so upsetting for baekhyun because whilst DO and FL may not end up together, DO can atleast move on and find someone else. But Baekhyun is a straight up criminal and now thanks to FL he has trust issues. So it’s gonna be even harder for him to move on. What makes it worse is that now he might even DIE if he gets caught by kyungsoo. *sighs*.

And our FL. She’s a mess. A hot mess. The state of the living room after baekhyun smashed everything inside it. A tornado. A tsunami. I mean the list goes on.

She is obviously in love with kyungsoo. Hell, she started all of this BECAUSE of him. I get that she was the one to come up with the plans and everything but if my man excluded her from the very beginning they’d probs be married and have kids by now. But she did decide to do everything herself so we can only hold her accountable. I blame her for falling for baekhyun but Ngl I DONT 🤭😂😭🫣🫠🤪🤌🏼. Are you kidding me. Have you seen baekhyun. Who wouldn’t fall for that man. And now he’s a THEIF AND EX-MAFIA MEMBER. LITERALLY BYE. I was folding every time they flirted with each other, so I can only imagine what she felt. I started this as a kyungsoo biased girl, but baekhyun be bias wrecking me. *clears throat*. Sorry I had to get the inner fangurl in me out. So yeah I don’t blame her for falling for baekhyun. But I do. And OMGGG that one chapter where they’re in the hotel, baekhyun be low-key flirting with her whilst HER MAN IS STOOD IN THE SAME ROOM LISTENING TO ALL OF IT. Well he was behind the curtain- BUT ZAMN. Like I don’t know how she handled that. I woulda fainted multiple times that day bc we also got exo mafia leader SUHO??!!!! And then ofc sehuns unbothered ass pushing a gun against the lower back of FL at the trade for the diamond. Like he’s too funny. Not me laughing during that scene. How to be FL. She be living all the dreams.

Sorry- I gotta stay serious. *proceeds to continue fangurling rant* Omg the amount of times I have audibly gasPED whilst reading this ff. omg especially when FL and baekhyun fOINally did it. I was so shocked the whole time because it literally just happened so quickly.

Okay fr now. But yeah FL has been going through it. I could feel the anxiety through the screen. It stressed me out how much she loves both of the guys because again her emotions are soooooo valid. But she also chose the mess she was in. I think deep down she’s already fallen for baekhyun. And I think it happened alot earlier than we might realise. I just think she’s fallen deeper in lover with him with every moment they’ve spent together. It’s worse because she’s also in love kyungsoo at the same time, but she believes that because kyungsoo is on the right side of the law and because he’s a policeman that he’s better for her. That might be somewhat true because then atleast her life wouldn’t be at risk 24/7 like it would be with baekhyun, but I think I’ve seen so much more passion and more of an emotional connection with baekhyun. I think she sees herself in him. The part of her that used to steal, the part of her that maybe finds it difficult to be vulnerable and the part of her that saw him fall in love with her. There’s so much more depth to what they have because there’s so much more at risk. And I’m not saying that the way she went about it is right or okay, I just feel bad for her and baekhyun bc they r so in love with eachother but they just can’t be together. It’s forbidden love. Logically FL is supposed to be loyal and stay stubborn and be with kyungsoo but she can’t help what she feels for baekhyun.

Now I’m sad.

I’m so invested in this story. It’s like watching a film or drama take place in my head. This is just soooooo amazing. Anyways thanks for reading my rant. Ima finish reading this. Hopefully baekhyun doesn’t die.

Felon | 11

◇ Link to Masterlist

◇ Baekhyun & Kyungsoo series: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | ?

◇ Genre: Cop! Ksoo, Criminal! Baek, Crime! AU, inspired by Dhoom 2

◇ Summary: As your life takes a dangerous turn when you get caught between a criminal and a cop, you begin to question how thin the line between good and bad really is.

◇ Word Count: 3k

Keep reading

[alo-piss-trancy]

Okay so my playthrough clocked in at a little over 93 hours. Though probably a couple hours longer than that bc it took me 4 times to beat the Final Fight and there was also a couple of other optional boss encounters that kicked my ass lmao

BIG DA:O SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So fun fact: I fucked my playthrough up at like the 87 hour mark 😭💔 I tried to be a decent person and not kill Loghain and let him go through with the Joining. Did not expect that Allistaire would throw a WHOLE-ASS TANTRUM and ditch us for good right before the final fight 🤬

Like bro I GET why you were hurt and angry but also??? This is literally a war to save a zillion lives we needed all the help we could get. Loghain was gonna die anyway. You bitched at me EVERY OTHER TIME I killed somebody (ok Connor was an accident. But he bitched me out over Brother Genetivi when he was gonna reveal the ashes and everything?!?). Bro goes on and on about honor and helping ppl and the Grey Wardens and then he literally just DIPS before the biggest fight ever. I thought he was gonna come back at the end and help when he came to his senses but NAH. WE'RE STRAIGHT UP DIVORCED FOREVER HE DIDN'T COME BACK OR COME TO MY CEREMONY AFTER. I NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN 😭💔💔💔💔 GLAD U LET UR HALF-SISTER DIE BITCH IM P SURE GOLDANNA'S HOUSE WAS RUBBLE IN BURNED-DOWN DENERIM. FUCK OFF YOU WHINY SELFISH PRICK I LOST SO MUCH RESPECT FOR YOU

Also Morrigan left that night too bc I wouldn't go with her fucked up demon baby plan lmao. Which I don't fault her for to be fair, I get she couldn't bear to see her only friend EVER die ☠️ I'm actually hype af for my future morally-awful playthru bc I will DEFINITELY be seeing that plan then lmao.

But yeah. MY CHARACTER GOT TO FINISH THE GAME AND GO THRU THE BIG FINALE FIGHT WITHOUT THE TWO BIGGEST SUPPORTERS THAT GOT HER THERE AND STARTED THE JOURNEY 😭😭😭 SHIT H U R T S

If I didn't have Leiliana and Meatball as my ride-or-dies my protag woulda been completely devastated for real like COME ON 😭💔 THANK GOD FOR HER BESTIE AND HER DOG THE REAL MVPS 😔🙏

Actually I was a little let down by the final fight. Like it was a cool concept and I enjoyed getting to play with the ballistas bc u keep seeing them in other parts of the game. But I basically had to play as Leiliana the whole time ajdkdjj. I built my character as a badass warrior with BUSTED strength and it was lowkey useless bc the final boss is out of range for 90% of the fight and I sold my crossbow to Sandal for more healing potions. Broooo 😭☠️💔

So yeah uh. SUPER awesome game I loved 90% of it (the combat on ps3 actually kills my hands bc of the constant L2 holding or tapping for radial menu and giving orders. SO PAINFUL please tell me they change this in the sequels it fucking HURTS). Fyi it actually was an interesting ending, I don't fault it and actually thematically it was cool to team up with Loghain for the last few hours, I'm just emotionally butthurt my whole imagined future with Allistaire went down the drain 😭💔 I love how many choices you get in this game tho and how they aren't always predictable. It's nice to not be able to 'game the system' for a 'perfect' ending as much as say, P5 or similar rpg/jrpgs lol. I like that you can fuck up REAL BAD with your companions lmao.

I have the other 2 games on ps3 waiting, fighting the urge to dive into 2 asap bc I want to digest Origins first but mmmm. I see why ppl went crazy for these. If I'd had these a decade ago I woulda replayed SO MANY times for real, this is what I wanted out of Skyrim story/companion-wise 🙏

[caramelcleopatraa]

Just Your Tribal Chief  by @bijouxcarys

(…… i think you just snatched my wig off with that one. IMMMACULATEEE *AGRESSIVE CHEFS KISSES*)

Her chest rose and fell rapidly, body rippling as his large arm circled her neck, holding her against him as he went to town on her cunt. Her head fell back against his shoulder, eyes fluttering shut as she felt her climax barreling closer.

“Nuh-uh, baby, open those eyes,” he mumbled into her ear. “Need to see those pretty eyes when I nut in this pussy.”

I was doing fine until Roman put reader in a headlock, i was done 😭 I had ascended to another universe 👏🏾 you got a follow out of me 🫶🏾

Strenuous Activities by @tribalhoochie

…. what- what’s a lil fuck gonna do huh? 😭 - lil flick of tha bean and leave? i mean yeah he’s married buuuuut…. he could just like.. y’know… play with it 😂

Joe gave her a bright smile as he led her towards the treadmills, Kiyana could not deny that Joe was a handsome man. His sunkissed skin was slightly glistening with sweat, presumably from a workout he had completed earlier. His hair neatly compacted into a man bun with a few fly aways cascading around his face, even slightly dishevelled the man looked like a Greek god.

whenever lines like this come up, i always have to verbally agree cause this man is like- too sexy to be walking among the masses. there’s no way he’s from earth? and be in florida regularly??? (that’s where i live! 🤤)

Babysitter by @3eyesdivine

i’m writing this before i finish because you caught me and my wig 3 paragraphs in

His physique was beautiful, breathtaking enough to halt any lady in her tracks. Aside from his long black locks and nicely trimmed facial hair, what tied it all together were his large and broad shoulders, rough and massive hands, and overall towering height. 

A simp is what i am. i am a simp. halle- fucking-lujah. YOU PREACHING TO MY SOUL BABY 🤤

The woman felt herself getting wet as soon as she saw how easily he unbuckled his belt with one hand, having her willing to risk everything. 

i’m so mad that you just put the idea of him taking his belt of either one hand in my mind. 😖

"Let me show you the heaven men my age can bring you to that these young men know nothing about, doll. Hm?" He bragged, his voice sounding enticing, aided by his raspiness and an abrupt dip in octaves. 

…. i had to take my fucking glasses off.

Daddy’s Little Helper by @harmshake

(when in need, you can always count on harmshake to feeeed gurl 🥰)

"Yessss, fuck!" you moaned with your head just as airy as your voice when he thrust up and hit the back of your pussy to make sure you were listening.

y’all…. i had to take a second to fuckingnks bREATHFF. LITTLE SHIT LIKE THAT ALWAYS FLUSTERS MEEE MAN IDKK 🫣

Salted Caramel core by @thesamoanqueen

(just a little cute but naaaaaaasty fic bout roman getting his soul snatched by reader hehe <3)

- "You're so damn good mmh" – he breathed raw, trying to maintain control as much as possible, remembering that he couldn't let himself go as he wanted, but it was difficult now that Y/N had decided to really take care of him.

UGHHH BIRTHAY BOY GETTING HIS WELL DESERVED HEAD 😮‍💨 (shiii i woulda made it a birthweek instead of a birthday cause they woulda been going from sunday to saturday 🫡)

going on a massive reading spree :) i’ll let you guys know my favorite fics of the night, favorite line, and provide the link 💋

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Life update: Road trip, R's partner, and other junk

Hi again

I know I was just on here the other day but it feels kinda odd to not post everytime I'm taking pills like I was before. Though I won't lie it's been a lot easier. I try to not think as hard on what upset me enough to take em and it's been pretty nice. Ish

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This'll be another long one so apologies in advance. Lot of stuff went on theee last few days

I've split the three major points I was talking in color coded sections.

-Green is rambling about a recent trip I went on

-Purple is thoughts on R's recent breakup with her partner of a little over a year

-Red is health shit I've had going on

(Road trip/Indiana trip as a whole)

Anyway. Last few days been slightly hectic. During that trip in Christmas my mom told me about this trip she'd be going on in July to Indiana and asked if I wanted to tag along. I ofc said yeah cause ill take damn near any excuse to get out this funky ass house annnd that was that. She didn't give details fr and up until like a week ago I didn't even know when we were going.

Thooo due to the funerals a few weeks back and her not really having plans plans for my arrival anyway, i was finna get left at the lodge second as she didn't know anyone that was coming to Indiana and my dad was gonna get a rental to drive me down which my mom didn't wanna put on him. So about 3 days before, she just was like oh you aint going lol. I played it off when I was otp with her but soon as she hung up I took R off hold and tried to do the same, only to break down in tears like 5 mins later

I feel bad to keep putting her through that so I calmed down enough to hold it in and parted ways with her bout 30 mins later. Me and my mom's relationship is kind of complicated and I thought this trip could possibly be an opportunity to uncomplicate things you know? So I felt so stuck when just like that, I was to be left after months of thinking id be there

Well in my hiding of my hurt I kinda hid my disappointment which I didn't want her to take as me not caring. So I texted her high high around 3am expressing my salt about not being able to go. Which somehow someway got me a ride to Indiana. I didn't know these people and it was a 4 hour drive (with all the extra they were doing ahit wnd up being like 6 😭) so I was kinda scared. But honestly? They were really cool.

I was slightly gone that entire car ride as I took some shit to mellow out some but I think I woulda been okay regardless. I was tryna avoid talking and I was playing sudoku and listening to music for a good 2-3ish hours. Thennn they started tryna involve me in convos and listening to their music which led them to ask if i smoked.. and I shoulda said no as I barely have experience with weed outside them bootleg delta 8 pens but I said yeah annnd we all smoked. I barely did as I knew I would be entirely too gone and I didn't want my mom to br able to tell. She seems disappointed that I smoked with my aunt that one time so I couldnt imagine how she's see me smoking with complete strangers (to me anyway. They're longtime friends to her)

See okay I know that sounds bad but the weed wasn't why I thought they were cool. They were just real persistent to involve me, even when I was pretty distant off rip. It woulda been so easy for them to just let me sit there silently but they made sure I spoke some and by the end even with me barely knowing them I got to laugh and talk shit with em. It was nice :)

Now with me being there pretty late, I just went to the room under the impression I'd just be crashing. But my mom dipped for some part of the event she came there for and left me with my 7 y/o sister and I think her... cousin? Idfk. Long story short, soon as I got there I was babysitting these kids. I didn't think nothing of it as I am pretty lenient on that sort of shit. Aka, I'm only there to make sure they aren't seriously hurt and not do anything that'll get them in big big trouble. Younger kids yeah, I know I gotta be more hands on as they wouldn't know how to feed themselves, clean up, use the bathroom ya know shit like that. But past that age, I see no real reason to breathe down their necks.

Tho... these kids bruh. I damn near cried out of frustration. They were so loud which I woulda ignored honestly but my mom was telling me how strict this hotel was about noise complaints when large groups/events booked a specific hotel. Like they whole ass had to sign an agreement to not be loud or they'd more than likely just get kicked out. Course, the form said they'd just plain kick em out but I'm sure they wouldn't be that that harsh. Nonetheless, minimal wiggle room as far as noise. So I let them play and shit but I had to quiet them down again and again cause they'd either ignore me or quiet down for two seconds and go back to it

It was a good 3-4 hours of me tryna keep them quiet til my mom came back which made them go to sleep soon after. Then she came back and went to sleep and I just.. broke down. I couldn't stop crying. I was so done and I just wanted to be alone by that point. My mom's a light light sleeper so I accidentally sobbed to hard and woke her up a fee diff times with her luckily being half sleep and not realizing what was happening. It was kinda bad tbr I wss first crying about watched the kids but then I was just spiraling and spiraling until I eventually cried myself to sleep around 5amish. Tho at 6 my mom quite literally shook me awake. To plug in her phone.

The rest of the trip was more of the same honestly. Watching the kids, reprimanding them for one thing or another, crying about it, calming down late into the night and passing out for a bit before being woken up for one thing or another. I wish I didn't even go honestly. I left the hotel twice the entire 3 days I was there. Once to take a walk as im not allowed to when I'm home and I wanted to calm down without taking pills, only to have the kids flung on me anyway lmao. The other was to get breakfast as the kids wouldn't wake up for the free hotel breakfast so we had to go somewhere to get em food. So we went to the McDonald's drive thru. Sooo honestly neither time I really left the hotel.

I thought maybe the last day would be cool as the event and everything was over and the cousin went back with her parents. I woke up late ish as I took dph the night before and I didn't feel like getting up. Thought nothing of it. Only for my mom to inform me that the person she thought would be taking me early Monday morning never came so I would not only be leaving today, I had about an hour to pack up and leave. Which included showering, getting my sister ready and fed, and getting ready cause the people driving me were gonna make a stop that required me to get out the car as well.

I couldn't even hide my anger lmao. That was about 3 days ago now and I am just now answering her calls again. I felt so used and stupid

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Next big thing that's happened is my bsf's relationship officially being over

+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×

(R's breakup)

As I've mentioned before, R and her girlfriend have been on a break for a few weeks. I was under the impression they weren't speaking at all during this all and for the most part, they weren't. She was online playing games making it clear she was purposely ignoring R when she was tryna fix shit a few different times so I thought that was the sign right there. But my bsf recently opened up more on that shit and started talking about how she's changed into someone else lately, being super distant and the few times she'll talk to her she's being mean and yelling about one thing or another

Ah.. there was this one night about a week ago where she was really going through it, coming to terms with everything. She was just saying hoe while she said she'd be there for anything she wasn't her *insert partner name* uh prolly should've made a fake one long before but whatever. Anyway she was crying about it cause ehe felt like her partner changed so much and while she was still in love and still planned on doing everything she said she would, she wouldn't fight for her to do the same for her. It broke my heart just hearing it all. All the nights I've had to console a crying, stoic and at times intoxicated R she still would do it again if it meant going back to how they were. It genuinely made me hate her partner. I hated having to watch her suffer for someone that clearly wouldn't do the same for her

But it all came to a head yesterday. Me and R don't talk like we did before as she's usually busy during the day and I'm off doing my own shit as well. We mostly text lateish at night as the absolute latest she's ever working is 11 and I usually don't sleep til around 2ish so I'm usually free around then as well. But yesterday, we were talking around afternoonish. Initially it was just us checking in with each other but then we started talking shit and sending memes and junk. It went on for a good 30 mins of damn near instant replies as we were both focused on it until after a while R just stopped replying. I wasn't thinking nothing of it I sent a sc from this sudoku tournament I was in and I said something about some song a little while later. Kinda tryna get her attention again without making it seem dire or urgent.

She responded about the song shit like an hour or two later and I aint think nothing of it. The after she said that she dropped the bombshell. Her partner broke up with her. I tried my best to not treat her differently out of pity even though I was sad for her cause I know hearing that shit can make it sting 10x worse. I took it all in and cracked a joke here and there where I could but she dipped shortly after she explained everything

What boggled my mind was that I was just checking R's accs out of curiosity wondering of they had officially broken up and at the time her partner already unfriended her on a few platforms but R still kept traces of her nearly everywhere. Then less than 24 hours later, they're done. Shit was weird. The only real mention of her now is her disc as she left her name as the nickname her partner gave her but tbh I think R likes bunnies anyway so that could be unrelated

We have spoken once today as I accidentally called her when I was half sleep tryna call my mom. I usually don't call anyone but her so I called her out of habit before being like oh wait and hanging up. She had her phone off so it didn't really matter but she texted back just telling me not to apologize and that she understood and stuff. Then she's went back to being silent.

Her disc isn't offline for the first time in forever but it's in do not disturb so it ain't much better. Specially since she ain't signed in on her phone so she's really just ignoring anyone reacting out on there. Though she also could be on vc with her partner and not wanting to be interrupted too so not 100%

In addition to that she unfriended nearly everyone on her insta which is honestly expected. The only one she didn't unfriend is an unactive acc of an old friend. That's a long story but essentially, everyone including me and her partner

I'm not too worried for now. I know it'll be a few days of mostly silence and her ignoring everyone but she did text earlier today and I know she's online at the very least so I'm okay. I'm gonna try to aim for at least getting one response a day from her just to make sure she's alive and shit but aside from that I know she wants space for now and I'll give it to her for now.

+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×

And finally there's smaller news about me

《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》《♡》

(My health and stuff)

I've kinda tapered off again. Ish. The trip prevented me from taking all that much for a few days and me coming down from that 1.5 and the 850 made me not too fussy on that. I go a lot longer without dph and I haven't been taking much anymore. I only brought a little less than a gram for the trip so I had to ration it out pretty carefully so I'd have enough to keep me from withdrawing while not taking enough to make me too visibly high. I think I took 250 the trip on there, 450 the second night when I was watching my sister, then 200-300ish the trip back cause I started getting too angry and was crying. Luckily for me the blaring country music the people I was riding with this time covered the noises from that and they were not as keen to get me involved with their conversations but nonetheless I knew I would only get away with it for so long before they started asking questions so I popped the rest of my pills and went to sleep.

Now that I've been back I took 350 the first night I was back and took another 300 yesterday night. I didn't really want to take the 300 but I've noticed there's some days where my heart will feel tight and'll hurt when it's been a while without. Sometimes it's not too bad and ill just ignore and sometimes it's really noticeable and painful to the point I don't care if I want it or not I'll take some just to stop feeling it. I was originally only taking 200 but it still hurt so I just took 50 more every like 30ish mins til it stop hurting

I've been crying a bit less nowadays as well. Which is kinda weird as now I just have the temptation to alot more.. mind is weird ig 🥴

Had a few other issues of varying seriousness

At some point the day before I went on the trip I cut my hand pretty bad tho I forgot about it... then rubbed multiple more than likely not clean dogs with the same hand. Ah snd this ofc was not before I accidentally spilt a baking soda lemon juice in the cut earlier that day. Smh. The cut was so sore and actually the day I got back it hurt to handle anything that required anymore than gentle ass gripping. I was scared to tell anyone in fear of them trying to take me to urgent care over it as I know we can't really afford that shit rn so I toughed it out. It's not too noticeable now so it's probably nothing but those first few days were scary.

It kinda hurts to hold in my pee at times as I hold it for so long I'll forget I'm holding til it hurts to walk. Ive been tryna be better about that as R scolds me all the time and stresses how bad it is for me but I occasionally forget and do it anyway and it ain't fun to say the least. Plus it kinda spooks me to see at times ngl. That period where I was yellow yellow my piss was chronically dark but now it is dark at times but I do more as far as hydration so it ain't nearly as bad. Still like uts weird going from being slightly dehydrated before to now being so dehydrated I'd probably have an iv slapped on me if I went to a doctor. I've also had to be a log better about exfoliation as my dry ass skin will clog my skin in a heartbeat if I dont

Aside from that it's been more of the same. I mostly eat once a day with it usually being cereal or malt o meal as they're quick and easy and comforting for whatever reason. My stomach hurts at times but not much of the burny feeling I used to have a lot. I've been pretty isolated from my family nowadays, even the sister I was covering for a little while ago. I'll talk to them if they happen to be around while I go up there but for the most part I stay quiet in my room and try to avoid going upstairs when I can hear one of them around. I try to talk as minimally as possible with the only real exception to that being with R and wuth me being pretty quiet otp with her as well, she's only partially excluded at that

I remember I used to speak so little that it'd make my throat sore to speak for anymore than a few minutes. It's kinda on and off issue of mine and its kinda exacerbated with any sort of projection/yelling so I did have slight issue with that as well. It's mostly gone away now as I've gone back to no more than like 15 mins of using my voice in a day so that's alr

Uhhh but on that note I think I'm about done. I took another 250 in the middle of writing this as my heart felt eeird again and I wanted to stop that before that got annoying and my tolerance has made that nearly nonexistent feeling. More than likely finna make some malt o meal and take some more. And play the sims.. or download more stuff. I've been hyperfixated on that for the past few weeks smh. Possibly'll post a few on here but more than likely not. For one feels a little inappropriate for the blog and two I dunno if anyone really cares to see that 💀💀💀

Ya know like.. course they're my sims so I don't really need to post them for me. But I dunno. Strong maybe

[lyssaloveesmagick]

Tbh I'm so stressed

I see the test

I see what I'm supposed to do

But it seems like I can find things that I'm "supposed to do" on every path

Times moving fast

Wish I could go back & just not make any mistakes

But I can't.

Moving forward isnt as easy when you didn't really want to leave in the first place.

My feelings are misplaced

Im disconnected

Had something good and then I went and fuckin wrecked it

Time and time again

Gotta lose you completely cause we can't just be friends

Don't blame you if you hate me

Cause I hate myself more in the end

I wish I could change the past

Woulda never let you go,

woulda done it better,

wouldnt have to hide behind this mask

You can't see the real me

We dont know who the fuck she is

You say you love me

I say, you cant .

I'm healing & it's just bizz.

The foundation is weak

Its crumbling

No respect for my boundaries, no effort to get to know me

I'm convinced you're just using me cause you're lonely.

Youre pushing and pushing on nothing you can even feel

But you're so fuckin convinced that your feelings are real

Go off then baby

Tell me how it is

Tell me how you love me, you'll never never me & you want me to have your kids.

You don't even know my middle name, boy sit down and shut up.

Its called codependency

We're obviously not smiling yet you pretend like we're happy

You don't even try to simulate my mind

You make small talk and crack jokes and listen to me whine

But you don't ask real questions, or inspire me to learn, you don't share your thoughts unless I pry or when it's your "turn"

I don't want to raise you.

I don't want to try.

I don't want to hold your hand as you learn not to be shy.

And no, it's not your fault, but it's not any more mine.

And I did my work, I taught myself & I had no help, just me & the Divine.

I'm sad, cause I can't say this to you - it's rude and would hurt.

And feeling this way leaves me feeling like dirt.

I want to be nice, loving, kind, soft and gentle.

But God had other plans for me when he made me fucking mental 😭

I'm supposed to trust myself, I'm supposed to love myself & I'm supposed to learn to love others too.

After all everything in me is what I see in you.

I'm overwhelmed bc the lessons don't always add up - its like things I unlearn I re learn and then theyre still wrong somehow.

Or maybe I'm not applying myself & its all just me in my head.

My walls are up so high, I can't see over them & sometimes wish i was just fuckin dead....

But those thoughts subside & I see my desire clearly.

All I really want at night is a lover in my bed, the same lover yearly.

But I'm ok by myself.

Its easier that way.

I'll keep trying to get better, accepting that I lost this round when I chose to walk away...

You deserve better anyway.

[fandom-blackhole]

Episode 9...

Im not ready for this to be over 🥲

AHHHHH

ASHLEY

Sobbingand screaming omfg

So I guess the theory of Ellie's immunity being bc her mom got bit while pregnant is canon now??

I've always liked that theory

Oh I figured we'd go back to Joel and ellie after the intro sequence guess not, glad we are getting more about her mom and Marlene

Oh Anna holding her knife to her throat :(

Oh I'm sobbing, Ashley you're too fucking good omg

Fuck you Marlene thats so fucking selfish she asked!!!

Good, sobbing again

Though the way Marlene killed Anna shows her character and how she can compartmentalize her own feelings and push them away

Oh joel

Theyre doing an amazing job at showing how the roles reversed with joel being the one to reach out to ellie while she's the closed off off after winter/david

Joel i love you joking about dynamite to get ellie engaged just a little

THE LADDERRRRRR

I didnt think they'd do it after all these episodes

Can finally cross it off my bingo card

AHHHH DHE RANNNN

Its the giraffes isn't itttttttttt

GIRAFFE (BINGO BITCHES)

This looks just like it did in game 🥲🥲🥲

Oh my heart

Oh the rooftop scene

And they're all in the baseball feild

So is it everything you hoped for 🥲🥲🥲

Oh Joel trying to protect ellie still, my heeaaarrrttttt

When we're done well go where ever you want

I'll follow you where ever you wanna go

Ugh I'm sobbing

Joel trying to connect by telling stories

Joel talking about Sarah

I was the guy that shot and missed

Omfg he did try to kill himself like I thought!!!! 🥲🥲🥲🥲

Joel implying ellie healed his wounds 😭

Well im glad that didn't work out

Joel cryinggggggg

You know what I'm in the mood for? Shitty puns.

The no I just screamed when I saw the dude in the bg

Was that blood?!

Nm omfg

Fuck you marlene

You are the one person I never wanted to be in debt to.

What surgery 🥲🥲🥲

Ope he understanndssssss

Yeah exactly YOU PROMISEDDDDDD

The fuck you are the only one that understands

Give him this. 🥲🥲🥲

Come on joel, DO IT

Aw he grabs her knife

The shot of him shooting through the window 👌👌

This part of the game always takes me forever to get through

I love the music over the muted audio is perfect

Joel use your flame thrower its quicker lmao

That was an ugly ass elephant lmao

SAVE HERRRRRR

Oh man no hesitation, love my husband

Rip bitch, you had it coming too bad you're gonna jump start s2 with abby

Now kill Marlene fuck that bitch

Oh ellie <3

Oh Joel you're lying 😭😭😭

Yeahhh by bitchhhhh

Fuck you marlene

Oh ellie 🥲

Im sorry 😭😭😭

You'd just come after her. That's my boyyyyyy

Her smile when she says "yeah"

She woulda liked you. 🥲🥲🥲

Back in Jackson :/

Oh shes gonna tell him about riley

You find something new to fight for 🥲

Swear to me. :(

Okay.

Sobbbbiiiinnnng

Screa.mmminggggg

Its over and im not okay

And the music 😭😭😭😭😭

And a finally update on my bingo card->

Ok ok ok The Last of Us episode 1 thoughts below!

• CLIMATE CHANGE?! (Love that honestly)

• Not me sobbing at the intro (I HOPED they'd do something like the games intro so this was a perfect surprise)

• Joels shirt is inside out 😭 (ok noticed this before it was mentioned)

• Let the man have his coffee Sarah

• Gabriel as tommy?! Sounds almost identical omggg

• The neighbors 😭 (oh I understand now.....)(I like how they changed the changing/infected neighbor scene)

• Desert Storm???? 👀

• Sarah fixing the watch instead of getting him a new one 🥺

• Sarah's backpack is so cute omg

• The dog 🥲

• "Drugs. I sell hard-core drugs." Happy screams

• Joel and his shitty movies smh (hope this is ref later with ellie and joels movie nights)

• Dammit Tommy, jail, really??

• Yo wtf grandma. No joke the cordyceps out of her mouth?!?!?

• The truck scene was done so welllllllllll

• Jimmy's place!!!

• The planes (OMFG THE PLANE)

• Ooo the car crash separating them, I approve

• These bitches CREEPY (Love that they have no fine motor control)

• Joel begging 🥲🥲🥲

• That is infact a small child (😭😭😭)(🥲🥲🥲)

• DONT YOU TWENTY YEARS LATER ME YOU BITCHES (both 2014 Hannah and 2023 Hannah)

Sarah's death was sadder here and I stand by that

• The amount of time it takes to change depending on where your bit poster is 👌👌👌

• Joel doing actual work in the QZ is kinda really funny to me (sewer maintenance) (now this is more like it....wait drug dealing??)

• MUSICCCCCCCC

• HANGING?????? IN THE QZ??? BY FEDRA???

• Tess 🥰🥰🥰

• Ooo truck battery and not guns (what about your guy?- He answers to me FUCK YEAH HE DOES....WAIT oh fuck explosion! Well fuck you anyway Robert)

•  ELLIE!! (SHE HAS HER EYEBROW SCAR! And her sense if humor) (veronica?) (unchain my child please)

• Oooo message operator! (TOMMY!) (Slavers 🤔)

• Joel planning a trip already is genius (wtf you doing drinking and doing pills?!)

• The watch 🥲

• Those walls are THIN or that baby is LOUD

• Marleneeeeeee

• I love all the yellow wires, ik in the game it was an obvious way to show you where to go, but u like that its been added to the show

• Oh damn, rip unnamed firefly Marlene talked too, you're dying in the capital (kim) (ope her ear)

• Tell me to look for the light and ill break your jaw 🥰🥰🥰

• Ellie getting water on her face lmao

• The knife 🥺

• Atleast the wrapped the handcuff so it wouldn't hurt her

• Don't talk about Riley bitch, I will fight you

• I like all the water dripping, good touch

• Joel talking construction 🥰🥰🥰

• Ok but that wallpaper in the hallway with the dead Robert, I want

• Well ellie you tried, but Joel is better

• Ellie is in fact feral, love her

• Give ellie her knife dammit (yes ellie I agree that was an asshole move)

• Ope don't mention Tommy

• What are they capable of?- alot ellie, alot

• You all talk it out but please remember I am bleeding out 😭😭😭

• God I love my husband

• Ellies shoes squishing 🤢

• Bill and Frank 🥺

• Your watch us broken 🥲

• Ok but why is all the wallpaper cute in this episode?!

• Ellie figuring out the radio code shes so smart i love her

• That door (or whatever you wanna call it) was hidden perfectly omg

• Worst time to take a piss (hahahahaha honestly fuck that guy)

• Pedro's eyes 😩 (oh fuck wait hes fucking that guy upppp)

• PTSD!!!

• THE RADIOOOOOOOOO

• THE RADIO AS IT PANS OVER THE CITY AND WE HEAR INFECTED?!? so good

• The trailer!

• The city landscapes 😩😩😩

• Frank!!!!

• There's no halfway with this, we finish what we started *indistinct screeching*

If you read all this PLEASE send me Joel thoughts, I wanna talk about my husband! Also if you want me to explain any of these ASK MEEEE!! Also, Also, I'll be doing this for every episode so if wanna be tagged in these just if be down 👉���