#they would definitely already be traumatized by jane's death

[peonyblossom]

thinking about how ILITW and HSS take place in the same year which means Jamie moved to Cedar Cove and missed the homecoming massacre literally by just a few months

[puckwritesstuff]

Can we have Thor just sticking around Loki and Sigyn at the excuse of not wanting to be alone after his supposed break up with Jane? The two entertained him until Loki had enough when Thor interrupted their sexy times. Thank you!

I didn't break up Thor and Jane in my main fic, though we'll see how that decision pans out when Love and Thunder is released. This prompt, meanwhile, is going in the King Thor AU, because being King would definitely make it much harder to date someone who doesn't even live on the same planet as you.

Thank you for the ask!

---

Sigyn stepped onto the Bifrost bridge. Her father smiled at her, but before she could even say hello, an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her to crash into another body. Loki grinned.

“Caught you,” he said.

“The snake ensnares his prey,” she said. “And I am helpless but to succumb to his venomous bite…”

She pulled him in for a kiss. He kissed back, his hands and arms tight on her body.

“I missed you,” he breathed.

“I can tell,” she said, smiling. “How are the children?”

“Nari’s started reading, and Váli is close to her first steps,” Loki said. “Any luck finding my father?”

She shook her head. “Wherever his wanderings have taken him, they are far from our reach.”

“Your majesty.”

They both turned at the sound of Heimdall’s voice. Thor walked into the guardhouse, grinning broadly.

“And how is my favorite sister-in-law?” he asked, throwing his arms around Sigyn and Loki’s shoulders.

“I’m your only sister-in-law,” Sigyn said.

“I’ve mentioned that,” Loki said.

Sigyn looked to Heimdall.

“Join us for dinner?” she asked.

“Of course,” he said, smiling. “Welcome home, little one.”

Sigyn, Loki, and Thor headed down the bridge towards the palace.

“Thor, is everything all right?” Sigyn asked.

“Of course!” Thor said. “Everything’s great! Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Your father’s missing, you both are still traumatized from your mother’s death and haven’t properly processed it,” Sigyn said. “And also, I spoke with Jane when I was in Midgard.”

Thor slowed down, falling behind the other two. Sigyn and Loki stopped.

“I see,” he said.

“She spoke fondly of you,” Sigyn said. “She bears you no malice.”

“Thank you,” Thor said, starting to walk again. “But I am fine. I am focused on my work, just as she is.”

Sigyn glanced at Loki, who shook his head. They followed Thor down the bridge.

“But, of course, I have more than enough time for my family,” Thor said. “I’m Nari and Váli’s favorite uncle.”

“Again, you are their only uncle,” Loki said.

“I do regret that I am spending so much time away from them,” Sigyn said. “I am grateful for any time you can spare to spend with them.”

“Please don’t encourage him,” Loki muttered.

“Sorry?” Thor said.

“Nothing, Brother,” Loki said. “The children love spending time with their Uncle Thor. Though Nari’s close to figuring out that Thor is king.”

“It was bound to happen,” Sigyn said.

“Actually,” Loki said. “It would be helpful, Thor, if you could watch the children for a few hours once we get back to the palace.”

“What for?” Sigyn asked.

“We should take some time to… discuss things,” Loki said. “Privately.”

“Ah,” Sigyn said. “Right.”

“I’d be more than happy to,” Thor said.

---

Loki shoved Sigyn against the wall. She ran her hand through his hair as he kissed her neck. His hands were firm on her waist as they each vanished layer after layer of clothing. He got to her slip and paused to take the sight of her in.

“You are…” He shook his head, breathless. “More beautiful each time I see you.”

She smiled. “You’re already getting lucky, but please keep going.”

He pulled her towards the bed.

“You have become more radiant than even the gilded spires of the palace,” he said. “I look up in awe at the wonder of you and I can do nothing but fall to my knees.”

He sat her on the edge of the bed, and he knelt in front of her, his hands on her knees.

“Allow me, darling, to sing your praises.”

She smiled. “I doubt that you would get a word in edgewise where you intend on going.”

“Do you doubt my silver tongue?” Loki asked.

“Not in the slightest,” she said.

Loki’s hands moved up her legs. He kissed the inside of her thigh. She gasped at the touch of his lips.

The door to the bedroom opened and Thor walked in.

“Do either of you know what—”

Sigyn jumped, knocking Loki over. Loki’s head hit the floor. He winced, hand on his head. Sigyn conjured a dressing robe and wrapped it around herself.

“Oh,” Thor said. “Am I interrupting?”

“Yes,” Loki snarled, sitting up. “I appreciate that your love life is not going well, but I would appreciate it if you would not let it affect mine.”

Thor blinked. “R-right. Of course. I put Nari and Váli down for their naps, I’ll have the governess look in on them.”

“Thank you,” Sigyn said.

Thor left quickly, not looking either of them in the eye. Sigyn and Loki collapsed on the bed.

“Does this keep happening?” she asked.

“We need to get him a new girlfriend,” Loki said.

“You found the last one,” Sigyn said.

“Right, so it’s your turn,” Loki said.

[spookybreadstick]

Hii Breadstick!! How you doing?? I am suffering with periods 😔🤚

I have a little request

what is the creeps’ biggest fear? Do they have any phobia?

-dancing parrot🐦🎶

ooo, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while!! (i also hope you feel better/are feeling better! periods suck!) 

I think of the fears as two types: a “regular fear” that people either are aware of or that is more common, and a “deep dark fear” that nobody knows about and is either very specific or very uncommon. The ones that are marked as * are the ones that are Phobias with a capital P, and affect the individual the most. The ones without are ones that are fears but probably aren’t classified as a Phobia, if you know what I mean.

please be advised that this discusses fears and phobias, not in great detail, but it does discuss them and i don’t wish to trigger anyone!! read at your own risk 

💞 💞 💞

🔪 Jeff 🔪

Regular Fear: 

- pyrophobia* (fear of fire; stems from his traumatic incident where he was set on fire) 

Deep Dark Fear: 

- philophobia (fear of falling in love; stems from trauma surrounding the idea of romantic love) 

- but he is also afraid of never being loved. It’s a catch-22. 

🎮 BEN 🎮 

Regular Fear: 

- aquaphobia* (fear of water; stems from drowning),

- thalassophobia* (fear of the ocean; also stems from drowning), 

Deep Dark Fear: 

- apeirophobia (fear of infinity/the uncountable; stems from being dead & unable to move on)

🖤 Jane 🖤

Regular Fear: 

- pyrophobia* (fear of fire; stems from when Jeff attempted to murder her),

- fear of being helpless* (stems from when Jeff attempted to murder her, she never wants to feel that helpless again),

Deep Dark Fear: 

- monophobia (fear of being alone; stems from the murder of her parents)

🧣 Liu 🧣

Regular Fear: 

- foniasophobia* (fear of murderers or being murdered; stems from nearly dying at the hands of a killer), 

- thanatophobia* (fear of dying; stems from nearly dying),  

Deep Dark Fear:

- fear that Sully will kill Jeff one day (Liu’s fear)/ fear that Liu will die at the hands of Jeff (Sully’s fear)* 

- taphephobia (fear of being buried alive; stems from having a near death experience)

⏰ Clockwork ⏰ 

Regular Fear: 

- being alone in a room with a man (stems from the abuse she faced as a child)

Deep Dark Fear: 

- losing control of herself again (the last time she really lost control was when she put the clock in her eye and went on a mass murder spree) 

-  being abused the way she was as a child (this one obviously stems from childhood trauma)* 

💄 Nina 💄

Regular Fear: 

- losing the life she has built for herself because of another nervous breakdown (the last time she had a nervous breakdown she ended up at Slender Mansion, eventually, which was a blessing but did mean that she had to leave everything about her old life behind)

Deep Dark Fear: 

- never finding someone who will truly love her (she is deeply afraid of being alone/never finding love, which stems from her own insecurities about her self-worth)* 

🤍 EJ 🤍  

Regular Fear: 

- athazagoraphobia (fear of forgetting; this stems from memory loss that came with his transformation; there are two different definitions to this phobia and EJ has one while LJ has the other!)* 

- losing complete control of his actions and doing things he would never normally do (this has happened before when he got too hungry, he never wants to go through that again)* 

Deep Dark Fear: 

- losing all sense of humanity* 

- killing and eating a friend* 

🍬 LJ 🍬

Regular Fear: 

- athazagoraphobia (fear of being forgotten; this stems from when Issac forgot him in his box for his years; there are two different definitions to this phobia and EJ has one while LJ has the other!)* 

-  autophobia (fear of being alone; this stems from when Issac forgot about him)* 

- claustrophobia (fear of small spaces; this is only to some extent, since he likes being in there of his own free will but not when he is forced) 

Deep Dark Fear:  

- apeirophobia (fear of infinity/the uncountable; stems from being an imaginary friend that came to life. He has no idea when or if he will die, and the thought of being alive for all eternity is quite frightening to him)

- his origins (he doesn’t know where he came from exactly, or how he quite came into being, which is pretty freaky when you think about it)

❓Hoodie❓

Regular Fear:

- losing Tim or Toby on a mission

Deep Dark Fear:

- thanatophobia (fear of death; he had this phobia ever since he was a child for some unknown reason)

🎭 Masky 🎭

Regular Fear:

- losing Toby or Brian on a mission, especially when he is supposed to be in charge of keeping everybody safe

Deep Dark Fear:

- losing Brian (not even just worried about losing him through death, but just losing his friendship scares Tim because he feels like Brian is the only person who understands him sometimes and Brian is the the one thing he has of his old life)

- being unlovable (he thinks of himself as an unlovable monster already)

🪓Toby🪓

Regular Fear:

- claustrophobia (fear of small spaces; this stems from childhood trauma) 

- glossophobia (fear of public speaking; he had this fear ever since he was in middle school)

- cleithrophobia (fear of being trapped and unable to escape; this is anxiety stemming from his Tourette’s. He fears being in a situation where he knows he can’t have a tic, but he needs to, yet he is unable to remove himself from the situation)

- vehophobia (fear of driving; this comes both from having Tourette’s and being afraid to tic while driving, and from his sister’s car accident)* 

- dystychiphobia (fear of being in a car accident; obviously this comes from being in that car wreck with his sister)* 

Deep Dark Fear:

- everyone secretly hating him/judging him/laughing at him behind his back (this stems from anxiety surrounding his disorders & scarred face)* 

- never being loved/being unlovable (he has a hard time believing that he is deserving of love or that anybody could love him in a romantic way)* 

- his mother being afraid of him and never wanting to have anything to do with him (he has plenty of nightmares about this)* 

- Lyra coming back from the dead to haunt him (he has plenty of nightmares about this as well)* 

- his father coming back from the dead to haunt him/kill him/continue to abuse him (he has plenty of nightmares about this in addition to the others!)* 

[crosbytoews]

april reading wrap up

i read 10 books this month! i feel like i did a mid month check in but i cannot find my post so i will just write new reviews :-)

Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh

i really liked my year of rest and relaxation so i was looking forward to reading this but sadly it was terrible. the main character was just a little too edgy. she worked in a boy’s prison and i just hated that setting too much to continue. DNF at 100 pages.

Notes on a Silencing by Lacy Crawford

a memoir on a woman’s experience being sexually assaulted at her elite new england boarding school and the lengths the administration went to cover it up for decades. i thought this book was so powerful. also the setting of a new england boarding school in the early 90s was very atmospheric. i highly recommend. 5/5

Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah

after the death of their father, 2 daughters learn about their emotionally distant mother’s past, including the extreme challenges she faced in russia during world war 2. the first half was only okay, but we get deep into the world war 2 setting in the second half. on par with the nightingale levels of traumatizing. i just finished this last night but i think it’s probably a 4.5/5 because the second half was so strong. it made me cry so much.

People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry

ummm this book is perfection. it’s a travel romance and estranged best friends to lovers. two former best friends travel to palm springs together. beach read by emily henry was one of my favorite books from last year and this was even better. so so good. 5/5

The Lost Man by Jane Harper

this is the fourth book i’ve read by the author this year. this one follows a man and his family in the aftermath of one of their brother’s mysterious death in the australian outback. very atmospheric and some good discussions on the cycle of abuse. tw child abuse. 4/5

Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams

the third book in the bromance book club series. this one is friends to lovers about a cat cafe owner and a former hacktivist. there are some unexpected discussions about the war in iraq? as with all the books in this series i really liked it and i cannot wait for the fourth one to come out this summer. 4/5

Necessary Lies by Diane Chamberlain

this KILLED me. it’s a historical fiction about forced sterilization in north carolina in the 1960s. we follow a brand new social worker and one of the families she’s assigned to. one of the girls in the family has already been sterilized without her consent and now the social worker is being pressured to sterilize the 15 year old sister. this book was pretty heavy and very informative. i listened to the audiobook which i would recommend because the narrator’s southern accent is great. 5/5

Britt-Marie Was Here by Fredrik Backman

this book gets the unfortunate honorific of the only backman book i didn’t love. we follow britt-marie, a recently divorced woman in her early 60s as she movies to a small town where she reluctantly befriends the residents and becomes the soccer coach of a youth team. this book was good but i didn’t love it. we get some good character growth and some funny parts, but it was nowhere near as good as his other books (all of which were 5/5 for me). this one is a 3/5

The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

i’m mad at this one lol. we follow the main character, a teenager who finds out she is in the will of an eccentric billionaire and he has left her billions while snubbing his relatives. she has never met this man and doesn’t know why this stranger left her his inheritance. she works with the four grandsons who were snubbed to solve riddles and discover why she was left the money. this was YA and read pretty young. for example there were discussions about losing your virginity and when the characters spoke they didn’t swear, they said things like “motherforker.” i was like i am 26 (turning 27 this month!) i am too old for this. howmever i stuck it out because i wanted to figure out why this girl inherited all that money. the gag is this is apparently the first book in the series and although i didn’t really like it i will definitely be reading the second book because it ended on a hang!!! 3/5 because of the intrigue 

The Sound of Gravel by Ruth Wariner 

this is a memoir about a woman’s experiences growing up on a mormon polygamist colony in mexico. her father, who was murdered when she was a baby, had over 40 children. her mother remarried and that man had four wives despite having no way to support them. everything this poor girl experienced was absolutely fucked up. i read this in a little over a day. i feel bad saying i loved it because these real experiences were extremely heavy but it was excellent. it made me cry a lot. 5/5

Klara and the Sun by Kazou Ishiguro

this book follows a robot (or artifical friend) Klara, as she is purchased by a sickly young girl. this book was pretty weird. it takes place in a dystopian setting but not a lot of details are given about what is going on in that world. it’s up to us as the reader to figure it out. this was an engaging and quick read, but i wish the author was a little more explicit about the commentary he was trying to make. 3/5

[traincat]

Hello hello hello, I was going thro CBR forum and I came across a good question. How good is MJ acting career? Is a famous actress or a newbie? How popular is Mary Jane Watson in-universe? Stay safe 👊

Thank you! Hope you’re staying safe, too. I’m in Jersey so we’re pretty much just in lock down mode. 

MJ’s acting career has its ups and downs due to, in my personal opinion, story beats requiring drama (Peter and/or MJ having Job Trouble) and also due to a large percentage of Marvel writers either not knowing or being uninterested in how fame works. Imho Mary Jane should be more famous than she’s usually depicted as -- for instance, I don’t think it should have been entirely possible for her to be as under the radar as she was during Back in Black, a storyline I otherwise love but that does depend pretty heavily on nobody recognizing Mary Jane’s face -- but how famous she’s depicted can vary by writer. I can do a timeline of her career, if that’s helpful. 

She works as a fashion model in her late teens through her early 20s; she’s enrolled at ESU during this period but doesn’t graduate and she’s making enough money modeling that she’s able to afford a fairly chic apartment. After her marriage to Peter, her modeling career is tanked by Jonathan Caesar, a rich man who kidnaps Mary Jane. After he’s imprisoned, he pulls string to make sure major clients won’t hire her. She floats the idea of opening her own model agency but later gets a job acting in the soap opera “Secret Hospital” as a character named Sybil.

(Web of Spider-Man #77) The role appears to have been fairly popular/well-known, and she’s a fairly recognizable New York face during this point. (This has its downsides, like when a stalker who gets obsessed with her.) She also has a couple of movie offers around this time. She takes some but refuses others, including a big action movie that would have required her to do a nude scene which she and Peter argued over. Eventually MJ’s soap opera appearances dried up, and at this point we meander our way into the Clone Saga. MJ gets pregnant and she and Peter move to Portland. She briefly works at as a maternity model back in New York. After she loses the baby, she re-enrolls at ESU as an undergrad, pursuing a degree in psychology, although she doesn’t graduate and instead chooses to go back to modeling.

(Sensational Spider-Man #33)

MJ’s renewed modeling career gains a lot of steam, but suffers major pitfalls in the form of money mismanagement and also the fact that she gets kidnapped and has her death publicly faked. It’s a long story. When she’s reunited with Peter and the world, there are rumors about her disappearance being a publicity stunt.

(ASM Annual 2001) Traumatized by her recent experience, Mary Jane separates from Peter and leaves New York for Los Angeles, where she embarks on what appears to be at the very least a moderately successful acting and modeling career. 

(ASM v2 #46) She stars as the love interest in the superhero flick Lobster Man but worries she’s only getting acting jobs because of her looks instead of her acting talents. Now reunited with Peter and living in New York again, she starts acting in off-Broadway plays in an attempt to gain recognition as a more serious actress.

(ASM #509) She’s also rumored by the tabloids to be having an affair with Tony Stark at this point in time when she’s caught going in the Avengers Tower late at night while she and Peter are temporarily living there after their apartment is burned down. It’s worth noting that both she and Tony have tabloid level name brand recognition at this point, so she’s fairly high profile at this point in time. This stage of her career comes crashing down in the aftermath of both Peter’s unmasking and Civil War. This the point where we hit the marriage deal with devil, where Peter and Mary Jane’s marriage is traded to Mephisto in exchange for Aunt May’s life and the restoration of Peter’s secret identity. There’s no good way to say that but that’s what happened. Mary Jane is back in Hollywood at this point in time, acting and dating a major Hollywood star. She’s fairly recognizable, at least partially still for Secret Hospital.

(ASM #561)

(ASM #605) Mary Jane has a couple of different jobs at this point -- she does some television hosting for a bit, and then owns and operates a night club, before ending up as Iron Man’s assistant because Bendis said so. In general this period is a little messy. Currently Mary Jane is acting again, starring in a superhero movie written and directed by Mysterio about Mysterio, in the Amazing Mary Jane #1-5 (the filming) and #6-? (current, the promotion). I have to admit I think I’d like it more if the comic seemed to actually want to be about Mary Jane and delve into her history It feels like a wasted opportunity, a far less well-written rehash of the Lobster Man plot instead of taking the opportunity to address that Mary Jane is 30-year-old woman in a hugely sexist industry obsessed with youth who is making what is at least a third try at becoming a major name in Hollywood. But then I guess we wouldn’t get to talk about Mysterio’s feelings and how he deserves to make a movie because he’s a man with an artistic vision half as much. You might be able to tell I haven’t really enjoyed this book so far. And that’s where we are currently in Mary Jane’s acting career. So she’s definitely not a newbie, despite how Amazing Mary Jane’s promotional material has been phrasing things as her “big break” -- she’s had at least several Hollywood break ins already, done theater work, and had a prolific modeling career. She is, if not a household name, than a recognizable face and name with some amount of a fan following at the very least. I hope that helps! 

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 4: The Death of Mysterio

Previous Part

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Master Post

Last time we began our look at the life of Mysterio. In this post we’ll continue our retrospective, starting with the 1990s.

The 1990s: Helping Harry

We come now to an event that chronologically would’ve happened in the 1990s but was retroactively established in 2009.

During Brand New Day (ASM #581 specifically) we learned via retcon that Mysterio was responsible for faking the death of Mary Jane’s close friend, Harry Osborn. He did this on behalf of his Harry’s, father Norman.

I won’t recount the entire Harry Osborn Saga for you, but suffice it to say that Harry’s descent into madness was incredibly stressful for Mary Jane and Peter.

In spite of what Harry had become the couple were grief-stricken by his death.

MJ in particular was so affected by his death she requested Peter take a temporary break from hero work.

That same day Carnage began a killing spree alongside several other highly violent super villains. MJ’s grief over Harry coupled with the anxiety that Peter might meet a similar fate contributed to straining her and her marriage further, albeit briefly.

At the time Peter and MJ were living in an apartment owned by the Osborns. Following the Carnage crisis, Harry’s widow Liz Allan evicted the Parkers as a direct result of Harry’s death. Obviously this added to the Parkers’ distress.

In general Harry’s death left short and long-term wounds for MJ and people she loved and Mysterio was directly implicated in that. As he had done with Aunt May he had caused entirely unnecessary pain and grief out of pure selfishness, even if he was merely a ‘hired gun’ to that effect.

We never see MJ learn this information but given how one of her friends seemingly came back from the dead  it’s something she’d obviously want to know about and since she is so close to Peter and Harry it’s extremely unlikely they wouldn’t have told her.

I will admit that this example is a contentious one as it doesn’t really make sense for a loooooooot of reasons and the story doesn’t 100% confirm that Harry (and by extension Peter and anyone either of them might tell) knows  Mysterio was responsible.

So it could be argued that as far as Harry knows an unknown ‘someone’ covered his tracks (presumably his father) but he’s in the dark regarding Beck’s involvement.

However it is food for thought, yet another thing that would realistically cause MJ to hold Mysterio in lowly regard.

Duel with the Devil

Lets move away from Beck’s encounters with Spidey and towards those he had with Man Without Fear, Daredevil.

The first of these occurred in Daredevil #358, set shortly after the Onslaught crossover. In the wake of Onslaught’s attack and the presumed deaths of the Avengers and F4 Beck set up a fraudulent insurance scheme to con people out of their money.  That isn’t too relevant beyond it once again proving what an exploitative dickbag Mysterio is. More importantly though, it sets up his next encounter with DD.

I am of course referring to the ‘Guardian Devil’ story arc that ran through Daredevil volume 2 #1-8.

This arc is the absolute nadir of Mysterio’s ‘bad behaviour’.

Developing terminal illnesses and with just a year to live, Beck sought to go out with a bang. Initially he intended to make Spider-Man the centre of his plan but due to confusion (arising from Ben Reilly’s tenure as Spidey) he targeted Daredevil instead. Learning personal details about Daredevil’s life (including his secret identity) Beck built a plan designed to attack Matt Murdock’s sanity (evoking his scheme in ASM #24). In particular his plan hinged upon Murdock’s Catholic beliefs.

A key component of his plan was the abduction, drugging, artificial insemination and gas lighting of a Catholic teenager named Gwyneth.

Although her faith led Gwyneth to believe her pregnancy was divine in origin, she was understandably emotionally distraught after discovering herself pregnant and her pregnancy caused major strife with her parents. To ensure Gwyneth’s parents wouldn’t get the chance to investigate the matter, Beck hired some thugs to murder them. Witnessing her mother being beheaded  over the body  of her father Gwyneth fled with her baby, terrified as the thugs pursued her.

Out of desperation she was temporarily forced to sleep on the streets with her baby. It was at this point that Beck used his illusionary skills to trick her into seeing a ‘divine vision’ that led her to Matt Murdock. Passing her baby onto Matt she fled again hoping to lay low. However Mysterio’s men found and promptly murdered her. Her body was buried somewhere it wouldn’t be found.

Just to bottom line things so far, Mysterio knowingly:

Abducted

Drugged

Sexually assaulted

Orphaned

Traumatised

Hunted

Distressed

Manipulated

And murdered

A TEENAGED GIRL!

Just saying…

Anyway, there was more to Beck’s scheme than just Gwyneth.

He also murdered an innocent old man and for his fortune and impersonated him to enact the next part of his plan. This entailed slipping Murdock drugs that made him susceptible to Beck’s cover story. According to this story Gwyneth’s baby was in fact the literal anti-Christ and misfortune would befall Matt the longer he was around the child.

To help make his story more convincing Beck began targeting Matt’s loved ones.

He hired a drug-addicted actress named Lydia Mckenzie to seduce Matt’s best friend Foggy Nelson, who was already in a relationship. On Beck’s orders she also slipped Foggy a drug that caused him to perceive her as a demon and believe that he had pushed her out a window. In reality Beck ensured she died of an overdose, shoved her out the window himself and over all framed Foggy for murder.*

He also posed as a doctor and (I am dead serious right now) tricked Matt’s girlfriend Karen Page into believing she had AIDs. Remember this story was from the late 1990s so this was a BIG deal.

As a result of these machinations and the drug Beck slipped him, Daredevil genuinely tried to murder Gwyneth’s baby.

Mysterio later hired DD’s long-time nemesis (and known psychopathic assassin) Bullseye to abduct Lydia’s baby. He cared little about the inevitable collateral damage Bullseye caused in pursuit of his target. And by ‘collateral damage’ I mean the serious injuries to several people (including Matt’s mother, the nun Sister Margaret) and the murder of 11 people. Karen was among the casualties, traumatically dying in Matt’s arms.

Matt was so distraught over Karen’s death that he briefly contemplated suicide.

Angry and determined, Daredevil zeroed in on Beck’s hideout where Beck had a gauntlet prepared for him. One of the obstacles Murdock faced was an illusion of Karen stuck in Hell. Undoubtedly this was the single most spiteful and hurtful of the things Matt endured in Beck’s gauntlet.

When Daredevil and Mysterio finally come face to face, Beck revealed Gwyneth’s baby trapped in a soundproof chamber where the air was rapidly running out.

So…Mysterio is a-okay with seriously endangering and potentially murdering a baby.

…Again…Just saying…

Mysterio finally revealed his master plan to Daredevil, intending to push a broken Murdock into murdering him.

When DD refused Mysterio opted to emulate Kraven the Hunter and blow his own brains out; a fact that became public knowledge.**

Now sure, we the audience might be aware of all these awful things Beck did in ‘Guardian Devil’; but how much does MJ  know about them?

The potential answer is all of it.

The definite answer is more than enough of it.

Towards the start of Daredevil v2 #8 Peter is shown watching a news report about Mysterio’s death. The report acknowledges Mysterio committed suicide and that the bodies of his criminal crew had been found. It also refers to ‘a related story’, that of Foggy Nelson being freed from prison after being framed for Lydia’s death. This implies the news were aware Mysterio was implicated in Lydia’s death.

During this scene MJ is not only within earshot of most of the report, but she even consoles Peter that Mysterio was (in her own words) ‘a lunatic’. She acknowledges he was responsible for the deaths of ‘all those people’. She continues by saying Beck doesn’t deserve Peter’s ‘pity’ and that he should ‘not mourn for Mysterio’. She concludes by telling him to mourn someone ‘who deserves it’ instead.

Then they go to Karen Page’s funeral, which they were clearly preparing for during the news report.

Their attendance of the funeral and the scene leading into it heavily implies that Peter and MJ were aware that Mysterio’s was implicated in Karen’s murder.***

Later in the issue Spider-Man talks to Daredevil in order to fill in the blanks.

We do not know for sure if Spider-Man relayed any of this information to Mary Jane, but it’d be highly likely.

He typically confides in her and uses his conversations with her to process things. MJ herself often asks him to share if she sees something I bothering him.

In this case Peter would especially want to inform MJ of what happened and MJ would especially want to know.

This is because the incident entails one of Peter’s foes essentially manipulating and killing the lover of a fellow street level hero. In fact the only reason Daredevil was targeted at all was because Beck didn’t realise Peter was still around as the original Spider-Man. In other words Peter and MJ could very well have been in Matt and Karen’s shoes.

For the sake of future reference and general safety it’s totally unbelievable that Peter would not have told MJ about this at some point. After all, forewarned is forearmed and MJ has found herself targeted by people with powers of deception like Mysterio in the past, e.g. Venom and the Chameleon.****

I admit there is no hard proof that MJ knows all the details about Mysterio’s actions, but it’s rather unlikely that she wouldn’t if Peter did; it’s just common sense. Therefore we don’t need to see such a scene any more than we need to see the characters going to the bathroom or paying their taxes. It’s just such basic common sense we can presume it happened.

Even if you don’t think so, at the bear minimum Mary Jane definitely knows Mysterio is guilty of murder, accessory to murder (of someone in a similar relationship to herself), gas lighting and mental abuse. The result was that she personally regarded him as mentally unhinged and unworthy f sympathy.

If you only bear in mind ONE of the stories we’ve looked at so far, remember this one. In particular because the story is explicitly referenced in Amazing Mary Jane #1.

The 2000s: Rebirth of Berkhart

As far as those in charge of Marvel were concerned, Beck was genuinely dead and that was the status quo throughout the 2000s.

Nevertheless there are two very noteworthy events from MJ’s point of view that should be taken into account.

The first occurred in ASM v2 #7-8. In this story ‘Mysterio’ abducts the Parker family along with some of their friends and plugs them into a virtual reality machine because the Matrix was really popular back then. His intention was to deduce Spider-Man’s true identity by monitoring their interactions in the virtual world.

This virtual world happened to be shaped by the subconscious of Flash Thompson, meaning everyone was contorted to fit into his wish fulfilment fantasy. This included MJ’s friend Jill Stacy becoming a seemingly resurrected Gwen Stacy, MJ herself being gaga over Flash and wanting to marry him (the climax actually occurs at their wedding) and MJ’s husband being wheelchair bound.

Realistically the fantasy world (along with the realization they’d been abducted) would’ve obviously been upsetting for Mary Jane. Indeed it would’ve been upsetting for everyone else too (including fragile old Aunt May) even if it didn’t leave long-term scars. With no equivocation, this upset was directly ‘Mysterio’s’ fault.

I say Mysterio, but in actuality (and due to retcons) it was Beck’s ‘apprentice’ Danny Berkhart. However, Mary Jane couldn’t have known that (even the writers didn’t!), so from her point of view it would’ve seemed likely that Beck was responsible and merely faked his death once more during the ‘Guardian Devil’ arc.

Later during the ‘Mysterio Manifesto’ mini-series Spidey and Daredevil discovered the truth behind Berkhart’s scheme. This is tangentially important to bear in mind because of what we are going to look at next, namely Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #12.

The specifics of this story aren’t all that relevant. All you need to know is that following Spidey publically unmasking Midtown High (where he worked as a science teacher) was besieged by three Mysterios. One was a new villain named Francis Klum, who had a vendetta against Spider-Man. Another was Berkhart who took issue with Klum’s claim to the Mysterio mantle. And the third was Beck himself, literally sent back from Hell.

After deducing an illusion of MJ as a fake Peter calls the genuine article to confirm her safety. During their conversation it’s revealed that MJ believes Mysterio to be dead.

First of all, this scene establishes that MJ was definitely aware Mysterio had targeted her husband (again!) and potentially endangered school children  in the process.

Second of all, from her point of view it’d seem likely that Beck would be behind this. I grant you that's a point that can be debated. However in her conversation with Peter he seems to imply to her that it is the original Mysterio.

Finally (and most importantly) MJ’s dialogue reveals that previously believed Beck was dead. Between ‘Guardian Devil’ and ‘Beck’s’ presence in ASM v2 #7-8 Mary Jane would have no reason to believe Beck hadn’t simply faked his death again. That is unless Peter told her otherwise.

Remember, Peter learned the truth in the ‘Mysterio Manifesto’ when MJ was believed dead, which occurred after  ASM v2 #8. This means that Peter must have informed her of this discovery after she was revealed as alive.

This is a point less about how bad of a person Beck is and more about proving that Peter keeps MJ abreast of noteworthy events in regards to his villains. Thus it is absolutely illogical to presume MJ wouldn’t similarly be in the know about most events Peter experiences pertaining to his villains; or at least the really noteworthy ones.

Let’s leave it there for now. Next time we will finish our coverage as we enter the 2010s.

*‘Fun’ fact. In addition to her close friend/ex-boyfriend Harry Osborn struggling with a drug addiction (which indirectly led to Gwen’s death) another of MJ’s friends was well acquainted with drugs.

Her name was Lorraine and she helped MJ learn the ropes when she was first getting into modelling. Unfortunately after overdosing in the Parker residence, MJ learned Lorraine had a major cocaine problem. MJ was so upset by this she asked Peter to sort out Lorraine’s dealer, only to be distraught when Lorraine simply went to someone worse and very nearly died as a result.

Lorraine survived and MJ was determined to help her through her problem.

Oh and MJ herself struggled for a little while to kick cigarettes.

All of which is to say Mary Jane is definitely going to take major issue with someone exploiting someone else’s drug addiction for their own ends. Which is exactly what Beck did with Lydia McKenzie.

Not to mention Lydia was someone in the exact same profession as Mary Jane, which might incline further ire from MJ.

**Remember this is not the first time Mysterio has been publically declared dead. It first occurred in ASM #141, which I discussed in the last instalment.

***Not to mention how it’d be common sense to ask how someone so young died if you are going to their funeral.

****And as food for thought she has literally armed herself with guns in the past. As such the idea she wouldn’t make a point of getting practical information for the sake of safety is highly unbelievable, even if she didn’t live in a city where super villains are commonplace.

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[pendingproductivity]

2020 READING RECAP!

This year sucked ass in so many ways, but it might be the best year of reading I’ve ever had. I discovered so many new favorites, revisited some old favorites, and even read a few books multiple times. In this post, I’ve listed my top five favorite books from this year in the order that I read them because I don’t think I could possibly rank them against each other. They have all become some of my favorite books of all time. I’ve also included a few honorable mentions which are ranked with my favorite listed first. And lastly, I have two notable rereads of some old favorites. I also added links to each book on goodreads and bookshop so you can easily add anything to your tbr or buy it! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up. Without further ado, here is an overview of the books I read in 2020!

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s t a t s :

reading goal: 30

total books read: 31

new (to me) books read: 22

average rating: 4.2/5 stars

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t o p   f i v e   f a v o r i t e s : 

Beartown and Us Against You by Fredrik Backman

(Yes, I know I’m kind of cheating by counting this as one book but just roll with me here) Beartown takes place in a tiny community in rural Sweden which is defined by their hockey club. When the junior hockey team has a chance at winning the national championships, the entire town throws their full support behind them. The burden of the pride of their community rests on the shoulders of a handful of teenage boys. For one, the pressure boils over and he commits an act of violence that leaves a young girl traumatized, and the entire community divided. 

Late one evening toward the end of March, a teenager picked up a double-barreled shotgun, walked into the forest, put the gun to someone else's forehead, and pulled the trigger.

This is the story of how we got there.

These two books were downright spectacular. Over the course of this year, I’ve completely fallen in love with Backman’s writing style (we love a good onomatopoeia) but more than anything else I just adore his characters. Each one is multidimensional, and even the most infuriating residents of Beartown have their redeeming qualities. I also love the attention he gives to even the side characters whose motivations shape the story even if they only appear for a few scenes. These are stories about right and wrong, courage and fear, and most of all, humanity itself. I laughed and cried and felt more emotions than I thought was possible. Beartown was amazing, but I actually thought that the sequel, Us Against You, somehow surpassed it, so make sure to read both!! (TW: rape/sexual assault)

goodreads - bookshop (Beartown)   goodreads - bookshop (UAY) 

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When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

Paul Kalanithi was thirty-six years old and on the verge of completing a decade’s worth of training to become a neurosurgeon when he was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. His memoir, When Breath Becomes Air, follows his journey from being a naïve medical student, to a brilliant neurosurgeon at Stanford, to being a cancer patient and a new father confronting his own mortality.  

I began to realize that coming in such close contact with my own mortality had changed both nothing and everything. Before my cancer was diagnosed, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. After the diagnosis, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. But now I knew it acutely. The problem wasn’t really a scientific one. The fact of death is unsettling. Yet there is no other way to live.

This memoir caught me completely by surprise. It was assigned reading for an English class and I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it let alone completely reevaluate my perception of the world around me because of it. Kalanithi discusses learning, medicine, life, and death as he seeks to answer the age-old question, “What makes life worth living?” and the unique perspectives that he offered fascinated me. When Breath Becomes Air is an unfinished manuscript, since Kalanithi died in 2015, but the epilogue written by his wife might just be the best part of the whole book. To tell you that I was sobbing while reading it would be an understatement. The reason why this book made this list is because I finished it in March, but I still think about it relatively often. When Breath Becomes Air has left a lasting impact on my life, and I highly recommend it!

goodreads - bookshop

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The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Evelyn Hugo was a Hollywood legend, but after her sudden departure from show business in the late 80s, she completely fell out of the public gaze. Now she is finally ready to tell the true story about her scandalous and glamorous life and she has specifically chosen Monique Grant, a virtually unknown magazine reporter, for the job. For Monique this exclusive is the opportunity of a lifetime. Evelyn tells her story of ambition, friendship, love, and of course each of her seven husbands. However, it becomes evident that Evelyn’s life has intersected with Monique’s own in tragic and irreversible ways.

It’s always been fascinating to me how things can be simultaneously true and false, how people can be good and bad all in one, how someone can love you in a way that is beautifully selfless while serving themselves ruthlessly.

This. Book. It was absolutely captivating. I’m honestly not even sure what to say here without giving too much away. The plot is truly a wild ride as Evelyn leads Monique through the story of her life. There are so many twists and turns: some that I saw coming and others that completely blindsided me. And that not even to mention Evelyn Hugo herself who is one of the strongest, smartest, most compassionate and deeply flawed characters I’ve ever read about. All the characters were complex and layered, but she was really something else. There were so so many emotions and so many tears and I really don’t know what else to say. I’m begging you to read this book; it will blow your mind.

goodreads - bookshop

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A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman

Ove is a curmudgeon whose life is turned upside down when a young, vivacious family moves in next door. That’s it. That’s the synopsis.

Death is a strange thing. People live their whole lives as if it does not exist, and yet it's often one of the great motivations for living. Some of us, in time, become so conscious of it that we live harder, more obstinately, with more fury. Some need its constant presence to even be aware of its antithesis. Others become so preoccupied with it that they go into the waiting room long before it has announced its arrival. We fear it, yet most of us fear more than anything that it may take someone other than ourselves. For the greatest fear of death is always that it will pass us by. And leave us there alone.

You’ve seen the Pixar movie: grumpy old man meets young person who shows him life is worth living and they become buds etc. etc. Sure, you could essentially boil down A Man Called Ove to that simple plotline but it is so much more than that. It’s heartbreaking and hopeful and you’ll laugh and cry while reading it. This was the most wholesome story I had read in a long time, and I thoroughly enjoyed every last bit of it. I’ve already explained my love of Backman’s unique writing style, but this novel in particular does a beautiful job of tackling deep themes such as grief and purpose with a generous serving of humor. I also just adored the ending. While this book isn’t at all fluffy or entirely lighthearted, it gave me all of he warm fuzzy feelings I was craving. I cannot possibly recommend it enough!

goodreads - bookshop

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Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen 

Elizabeth Bennet and her four sisters must find wealthy husbands because upon their father’s death, the entirety of his estate will be passed on to a male cousin, leaving them penniless. Conveniently, a wealthy gentleman called Mr. Bingley moves into the neighborhood, bringing along his even wealthier although most unpleasant friend, Mr. Darcy. 

Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.

I definitely didn’t think that I was going to enjoy this book nearly as much as I did. The story truly is timeless, and I absolutely adored Elizabeth and Darcy. The biggest surprise I had while reading is that the humor is still funny today and of course Lizzy is fucking hilarious. She is confident, principled, and more than happy to roast the shit out of anyone who deserves it. And then there’s the matter of Mr. Darcy being so sweet and kind (after he stops being an asshole of course) and greatly contributing to the unattainable standards I have for men. It was also nice to have a socially awkward male lead, and in many ways I related more to him than to Lizzy. This book is everything I want from a romance novel plus class criticism and feminism and Elizabeth being an absolute badass. Enemies to lovers is my all time favorite romance trope and I loved reading one of the OGs. Also, I’d just like to add that Mary is the most underappreciated character of the whole novel because she’s really just trying her best. Mostly I was just completely impressed with how this novel has withstood the test of time and it has become one of my favorite classics! Please please give this book a chance even if you don’t typically enjoy classic novels!!

goodreads - bookshop - barnes&noble (this is the edition I have and it’s just so gorgeous I had to include it!)

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h o n o r a b l e   m e n t i o n s :

The Martian by Andy Weir

Mark Watney is one of the first people to ever walk on Mars, and now it seems like he’ll be the fist person to die there. A raging dust storm forced his crew to evacuate without him and he finds himself alone on the red planet with the entire world believing him to be dead. This book just barely missed being one of my top five of the year, but it was absolutely amazing. I love reading about people finding clever solutions to problems and that is basically what this entire story is. I maybe understood half of the technical science jargon if I’m being generous, but the story is plenty enjoyable even without extensive scientific knowledge. I adore Mark’s wit and mindset, and I loved watching him wriggle his way out of impossible situations with the odds completely stacked against him. The Martian is a story of perseverance and humanity, but it’s also absolutely hilarious. I highly recommend this one if you haven’t picked it up!!

goodreads - bookshop

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Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Shaker-Heights appears to be the perfect place to raise a family. It’s progressive, has low crime rates and is all around an idyllic bubble. This all begins to change when a single mother and her daughter move into town with a disregard for the status quo, and a custody battle erupts, dividing the community. This was a great book that ended up being surprisingly thought provoking, and I particularly enjoyed the novel’s criticism of liberal idealism. The story itself was entertaining and I think it’s definitely worth a read! 

goodreads - bookshop

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Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Alex Claremont-Diaz is the first son of the United States who finds himself intertwined in a damage control PR stunt with his sworn nemesis, Prince Henry. They have to pretend to be best friends to ensure that their confrontation at the royal wedding doesn’t get in the way of American/British relations. I’m sure you can guess where this is going. This is totally a feel-good love story, but it also finds the time to tackle real issues surrounding politics and societal expectations. I loved this book so much that I read it twice this year (the second time because I was so stressed about the election and I needed to distract myself with the fictional 2020 election that takes place in the novel) and also I’m just a sucker for enemies to lovers. (sidenote: the turkey catastrophe is one of the greatest scenes in literary history and you cannot convince me otherwise) 100% would recommend!

goodreads - bookshop

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n o t a b l e   r e r e a d s :

The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling

The Jim Dale audiobooks are my ultimate self-care tool when I’m stressed or sad; I just find them to be so comforting and I can’t explain why. Because of this I probably listen to at least one of the books every year, but it’s usually just whichever one I happen to be in the mood for. But it’s been so long since I’ve listened through the entire series, and this year seemed to be the perfect time to do so! 

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Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

This used to be my favorite book of all time. I’m pretty sure I first read it in sixth or seventh grade and I’ve reread it so many times since. I’ve been planning on rereading this book my first year of university for such a long time, and the time finally came! The book especially hit hard this semester because Cath feels disconnected from everyone at school because she doesn’t want to go to parties or make much of an effort to find friends, and because of COVID, I ended up in almost the exact same situation, (except unfortunately my roommate doesn’t have a cute ex-boyfriend who hangs out in our room). This was definitely another comfort read like the HP audiobooks and it made me feel a bit better about being stuck in my dorm room. 

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If you actually made it to the end of all that, wow, you’re a real one. I hope you got a few new book recs out of this! If you want to see the thirteen other books I read this year, you can check out my 2020 reading challenge. I read so many amazing books this year I had  hard time narrowing down my favorites, so there are still plenty more great reads that aren’t included in this post. If for some reason you feel like keeping up with the books I read in 2021, follow my goodreads account for dramatic and ranty book reviews. Happy New Year, and here’s to 2021 being full of wonderful books!

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Something brought to mind by Abramazing Spider-Man #2 is the notion of Peter being broken by MJ’s death.

How much does that hold up to scrutiny?

Well...it does and it doesn’t.

Let’s remember, Peter’s already lived through MJ’s death once before during Mackie and Byrne’s godaweful run. In fact one could argue that her death was a result of Peter being Spider-Man as had he not been out fighting crime he’d have intercepted her trip to the airport that resulted in her supposed death.

It didn’t totally break him, but oh boy...he went to dark places. He wasn’t healthy that is for sure...but he didn’t retire as Spider-Man either.

Now of course there are instances of Peter losing people and not breaking down. But each of those had critical elements that this scenario doesn’t have.

Specifically one critical element: Mary Jane herself.

MJ was vitally important to holding Peter together after Gwen died, after May was presumed dead in the 90s and the 2000s and through many other traumatic incidents.

Does this mean Peter will automatically break without Mary Jane in his life?

No, but...he’s definitely a lot more vulnerable and a lot weaker. Long term he’s not in great shape, and Spider-Manning would become more draining, and long term more likely to result in his destruction, even if it’s a slower process.

But that’s a scenario where he loses MJ and has nothing else.

When we look at Peter’s history of loss, even in instances where deaths occurred in some way due to the life he lead as a hero, he rarely if ever considered retirement, let alone disconnecting himself from his friends and family.

Gwen’s death is the most obvious parallel to Abramazing Spidey and sure, where Peter was at in life was drastically different. But noticeably Peter never even contemplated breaking off all ties to other people or even of never dating other people again. It’s next to unlikely he’d try for new romances were he to lose MJ, but to become what he is in Abramazing Spidey?

Let’s look at the factors in play here.

He has Aunt May, who even knows his secret.

And he has a son.

Peter values family highly, Peter WOULD cherish his children above everything else in his life.

Peter MIGHT retire if he’s physically incapable of continuing to fight and/or in order to be there for his family.

But that’s not the story.

The story is Peter Parker quit being a superhero altogether AND effectively quit being a father AND practically quit being a son/nephew.

Because Mary Jane died?

Really?

Like look, in modern canon if he lost MJ and Aunt May, he’d be a forever changed man. He’d live his life, he’d still be Spider-Man, but he’d not pick himself up and start again. He’s a hero, but he’s also human and if you lived the life he led and lost what he lost and then you lost all that too...it would break you. Peter isn’t a hero because he’s unbreakable, Peter is a hero because he’s capable of breaking but doesn’t.

We already know for a fact Peter could break as a person as Ben Reilly and Kaine are the living proof of that.

But in this universe?

In this universe he has a son to live for, who’s also all that remains of Mary Jane at that. He might not bounce back or ever truly recover, but he wouldn’t be an absentee father either.

[daturanerium]

i just finished season one of the magnus archives (here’s my livetweet thread) so here’s my discordant thoughts on the characters

jon

annoyingly stubborn

dramatic!!!!

was definitely That One Emo Theatre Kid in whatever britain's version of high school is

wants to know. everything.

fatal flaw: pursuit of knowledge. he can’t let a mystery go unsolved

please get some sleep baby you can solve the mystery in the morning

he’s so serious and awkward i adore him and i hope he remembers to take care of himself

martin

baby boy.....baby

consistently underestimated and underappreciated. give him a raise please elias he’s gone through hell

so full of love, even for people who don’t seem to love him back

i want to hug him

so intelligent, so thoughtful! always coming up with answers that no one else can think of

fatal flaw: self/preservation or fear. altho in his line of work i’m giving him a break

he’s got some big things ahead of him, i can tell. i hope that he gets some bomb ass magical powers or something because he really deserves it

sasha

ive known sasha for a week and a half but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this room and then myself

speaking of........what the hell happened during the finale i’m Worried

she’s so caring and protective. i feel like she’s the “hold my flower” member of the archive (jon or tim is the “kick his ass baby i got your flower”)

fatal flaw: curiosity. at least she’s aware of it?

i literally love her

looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll (but will also kill you)

so strong. so smart. 

im love her and i hope she’s okay

elias

okay shifty capitalist motherfucker i see you

i don’t actually think he’s gulity of anything tbh, just a victim of circumstance trying to do his job and keep it

fatal flaw: submissive towards authority. spill the secrets buddy we gotta know

“but the funding”

i think his heart’s in the right place. i just hope he realizes there are bigger things than rich people and even the archive.

tim

pure of heart, dumb of ass

frat bro!!!!!

super friendly

EDIT: i made a joke about tim having cishet energy but i’ve since been informed that he’s canon bi which is awesome! 

just doing his job, man

hey jon the boys and i are gonna go crack open a cold one later, wanna join? you’ve been stuck recording in that office for hours mate you need to get out and do something

he really genuinely cares about his friends and he’s so sweet

fatal flaw: inability to read the room. bro i love u no romo but u gotta learn to Read The Signs

such a dork

definitely going to get possessed at some point

jane prentiss

it is every sapphic’s duty to fall in love with an eldrich horror and jane is mine

her monologue/statement was so good that i’m doing it for speech this year. thank you irl jonathan sims for being a fantastic writer

so spooky......so curious........so dark.........so endearing

please tell me about the song and the nest and the itch. i’m so genuinely interested in her story and i hope we hear more from/about her because i still have Questions

every time i picture her it’s in the style of the scary stories to tell in the dark illustrations

ugh god such a good antagonist.....this is so good

mary and gerard key

during the first description of mary i was so impressed with her lifestyle and general presentation.....she was really living her best life. until it was revealed that she was not actually alive. but still

gerard you little shit, planting all these things for the archivists to find. who are you

side note but i thought his name was “jared”. i’m trying to not picture another famous gerard but i’m seventeen. what can you do.

they’re definitely working for some outside force, or maybe they Are the outside force? either way i’m intrigued

(predictions for season two and beyond under the cut)

general predictions for season two and beyond:

i’ve managed to avoid spoilers a lot better than i usually do, but i think there may be something to do with avatars for gods or something? anyway jon’s god is knowledge-based and sasha’s is strength-based. elias may be conman/trickery-based? martin is his own seperate being entity thing, i can’t see him fitting into any typical categories yet. 

oh actually it would be really cool if martin was tied in with the god of death? it kind of fits him, idk how tho. he’s just so sweet and kind and that matches the casual comforting neutrality of death.

actually maybe not because we’ve already met death and it’s just a bunch of reapers that were dumbasses in life, oh well (i’m still gonna keep it in on the off chance something happens with it)

jon takes a nap (unlikely, but i can dream) 

that shipping company that keeps popping up definitely delivered that lighter to jon. don’t know what the lighter means but i’m excited to figure it out

jonmartin endgame

sasha is either possessed or has been completely erased by a copy. my guess is that she’s stuck in a time loop that was created when she touched the hypnotizing table, although how that happened is just about anyone’s guess.

gertrude was killed by gerard key, who, in his Infinite Knowledge of Plot and How The World Works, knew that jon needed to be the head archivist for things to work out the way he and his mother want it to. the keys are beyond time.

martin lives in the archive because he actually kind of likes it there??? even tho he had a traumatic event with worms and jane and finding the dead body of his old boss in the basement

i’m really interested to know what jon was up to before he worked as the head archivist. i feel like that’s kind of important and relevant? if it’s not now it will be in the future

elias has to pick a side: jon and the truth or the “funds” and the government. i hope he makes the right one, but plot and conflict is also important and i can totally see him becoming the Imposing But Apologetic Lawful Antagonist

idk what the gods thing is (if it even is something?) but i’m pretty sure one of them has to do with eyes/watching, and my guess is that it’s the one having to do with knowledge. and while i’m here i’m also going to go out on a crazy limb and say that gerard and mary work for it, whatever the watching thing is. that’s how they know where to be at the right time.

there’s another group of people that work on things like the archive does--they’re just a little more....casual. idk if you all are/were supernatural fans but i’m thinking that the magus archive is the men of letters to this other faction being hunters. they split off after elias’s rules became too stifling, and they sometimes get there before the archive knows about the situation (like in ep 36, taken ill, or episode 8, burned out. altho ep 8 was with gerard, so maybe he works with them sometimes? idk)

sasha gets better but a sacrifice has to be made to save her. martin, to everyone’s surprise, offers. 

i’m so excited to listen to season two oh my god this show is fantastic

[aworldforgirlslikeus-blog]

Greetings all!

I’ve decided to start this blog to keep track of some of my interests, particularly my reading life. I’m a librarian, and I read a lot of different books that cut across many different genres. But I’m particularly passionate about romance novels, because that’s where I get my daily dose of much-needed female gusto and hero-ine-ism. But I wasn’t always a romance reader. In fact, I didn’t discover romance novels until I was an adult in my 30s. Oh sure, I read some titles that you might consider “romance adjacent,” such as YA titles that featured love stories. I also read fantasy and sci-fi novels that had romantic pairings aplenty, and some pretty risque erotic scenes. 

But pure romance novels? Those trashy paperbacks with half naked cowboys or Scottish kilt wearers with rippling abs on the front? No way! I considered myself a well-educated young feminist, and I bought into the negative hype against these novels hook, line, and sinker. I truly thought they had nothing to offer me, and I believed critics when they claimed that these sorts of novels were poorly written, full of sexist stereotypes about both men and women, and backwards-thinking about sexual situations.

So I grew up never reading romance, although I read widely in pretty much every other genre. That is, until the day that something strange happened.

I remember I was waiting in line at a CVS for a prescription because I had just gotten out of the hospital. I was suffering not only from a strange and mysterious illness that had sent me to the hospital with uncontrollable vomiting, but also from the traumatic and sudden death of my mother a few months prior.  Everything in my life was spiraling out of my control, and it sounds cliche to say it, but it’s true - my entire life was full of darkness. I couldn’t see any way out or any kind of way forward. I had always considered myself strong and independent, but the trials I was going through at that time were so far beyond me that it constantly felt like I was drowning in my own terror and sorrow. 

But while I was standing in that line, a book happened to catch my eye: Julia Quinn’s “The Girl with the Make-Believe Husband.” At the time I thought it would just be something amusing to read for a few hours. And if it was awful, I figured I could always regift it to the Friends of the Library in a resale.

But instead of just being a pleasant diversion, this truly remarkable book wound up changing my whole perspective on the genre. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it definitely was a pleasant diversion. It took me away from myself and my problems for hours and hours. However, even more than that, it was incredibly well-written and witty, and it was chock-full of playful banter and dialogue that made me laugh out loud, and an engaging plot line that had me turning page after page trying to figure out how it ended. And that’s all before I even mention the sexual tension! Whoa boy, that was also pretty engaging, to say the least! 

When I turned the final page the story had resolved itself in a very satisfying way. However I wasn’t satisfied at all - I wanted more books! I immediately sought out more books from Julia Quinn, and started a steep nose dive into the romance genre as a whole, one I haven’t been able to pull out of since. 

Romance novels are truly delightful to read for many reasons, most of which I’ve already listed above when talking about Julia Quinn. Romance novels tend to be incredibly well written (no matter what many critics might want to say), and they have to be, because romance readers are some of the most discerning critics out there! Historical romance readers know so much about their favorite time periods that even mentioning the name of a color that didn’t exist during that time period could be a potential criticism. 

Romance novels also need to have gripping plot lines that truly draw you in from start to finish. There are so many of them sitting on the shelves that if you don’t open one and know from the first line that you simply have to read it, then it’s not going to flourish in this genre. There are so many introductory paragraphs that have totally sold me on a book before even looking at the description, and when I try to compare regular fiction titles to romance in this regard, there’s truly no contest - romance novels win every single time! 

And a lot of this has to do with the witty writing that romance writers employ. Some of the wit is humorous and some of it is not, but in a genre that was (arguably) birthed by Jane Austen, is it any wonder that romance writers are some of the best at engaging dialogue and eviscerating takes on the foibles of every day life? 

All of which leaves out the beating heart of romance novels: the characters! Speaking of Jane Austen, just say the name “Mr. Darcy,” and think of the powerful feelings that name has conjured up in legions of Austen fans around the globe. Some men may be groaning as they read this, grumbling to themselves that that’s really all romance novels are, just hot men that make women have impossible standards. 

But I counter that with these words: Elizabeth Bennet. Because in the end, who is more important to the plot and final outcome of Pride and Prejudice, her or Darcy? You could say, “Well sure, Darcy must be more important, without him there’s no romance at all!” But the real reason why the love story happens in this infamous novel is not because of Darcy at all. It’s because of Lizzie, and the powerful awakening that happens internally that changes her into the woman who Darcy eventually marries.

Just like most heroines, Lizzie starts off with a blockage. This is often the reason why the heroine’s life is a bit stunted or unfulfilled. These reasons are often internal fears or worries that then manifest themselves as external issues in their work or love life. So the heroine must then make a journey to resolve those issues, and she is often prompted either by the obstacles presented in the plot or by the appearance of the hero to do so. My favorite romance novels usually revolve around a plot that challenges both the heroine and the hero to overcome their issues at the same time, and this dual “awakening” of consciousness is the hallmark of every great romantic story (in my humble opinion of course). 

In the end, romance novels are not about the shirtless hunk of man meat on the cover. Romance novels are actually about the heroine and her internal journey as she struggles to come to an awakening in her own life that leads to a sense of empowerment that then changes her life and allows the romance to flourish. Her romantic success is not her primary attainment in the story, although that’s what some people choose to focus on. The reason that she gets the romantic happy ending is because she’s already done the hard work first - that of finding true fulfillment in herself. That is to say, the man isn’t the birthday cake, he’s just the icing on top.  

So apart from being great entertainment, romance novels also provide a wonderful road map to a more fulfilled and joyful life, because they show how you can go from a blocked or stagnant life to a more open and passionate one. Sure, we might not all find a Mr. Darcy (although we sure can hope for one!), however we all can undergo our own personal awakening to find greater pleasure in life via a job change, a new hobby, or a more expanded social network of friends. 

And yes, you can’t take everything in romance novels literally. Most of the action that takes place is a bit more exaggerated than what actually happens in real life, but the heart of them beats to the drum of the emotional truth of life, and in the end, that’s what I think I find truly inspirational. And yes, I also admit that there are other issues with the romance genre that need to be addressed, such as having more representation of diverse authors and characters. I’m glad to say that I think the genre is moving in this direction, but there’s still a great deal more work to be done in this area. 

In the end, I’d like to say that romance novels helped to cure me of the terrible grief that consumed me in the wake of my mother’s death. That they somehow made me stronger, or showed me a positive path forward. But that really wouldn’t be the truth. Years have gone by at this point, and I’m still struggling. But romance novels have given me some important survival tools. 

For instance, the humor in them reminds me of the joy that’s still left in the world, and their intricate and involved plot lines help me to escape to another world when living in the real one sometimes becomes unbearable. The heroines found within the pages also help to motivate me to reach my fullest potential, and remind me how important it is to forgive myself when I sometimes fail to reach that potential. 

I’m truly inspired by romance novels, no matter what the haters might say. And I hope that this blog helps to spread the gospel of the romance novel to others who may never have heard about them before, or may never have considered what these novels have to offer them. After all, there might still be women out there who, like me a few years ago, don’t know that it’s okay to ignore the naked man on the cover, and focus on the true message of the story, which I would like to argue is female (and male) empowerment.

Can you imagine standing inside of a bookstore and seeing signage for “Female Empowerment” instead of “Romance.” What a concept! For now, I’ll still be proudly staking the shelves, looking for new reads and suggestions. Hopefully you will be too :) 

xoxo, Jessica

[sage-nebula]

So I just got back from seeing Spider-Man: Far From Home and oh my god, I’m DYING.

In a list because I’m not sure I can type all my thoughts coherently. In no particular order:

Mary-Jane Watson who? We only stan one MJ in this house and her name is Michelle Jones. Seriously, everything about her in this movie was FANTASTIC, but my absolute favorite had to be how she ran out into the streets with a mace just in case there were more drones about. MY GIRL ♥

Literally everything concerning Tony had me wanting to break down crying like every second, especially since Peter’s grief and trauma surrounding Tony’s death was SO well done. Like off the top of my head, the scenes that really stuck out to me re: Peter’s trauma:

The way his hearing turned to static when all the reporters were asking questions about Tony in the beginning of the film, to the point where he had to flee the scene.

The way he panicked when he saw Mysterio “sacrifice” himself against the fire elemental, because it was no doubt reminiscent of when Tony did the same against Thanos.

The way he was choked up for a moment when Mysterio put the glasses on, because with his beard he looked an awful lot like Tony.

The fact that Mysterio was able to capitalize on, “Don’t you think that if you were better, Tony would still be alive?” (paraphrased) and then have that entire sequence where Iron Man’s corpse was crawling out of the grave toward Peter, and Peter’s whole reaction to that.

Peter’s breakdown on the plane. What happened on Titan clearly traumatized Peter. Seeing Tony die right in front of him traumatized him. And we’ve known since Endgame that Peter has felt guilty for Tony’s death, given that, “I’m sorry, Tony” were the last words he said before he was pulled away. But seeing the trauma come back even as Peter himself tried to push it at bay was so well done. Kudos to Tom Holland for that fantastic acting.

SPEAKING OF MYSTERIO, I WISH I COULD KILL HIM THRICE OVER FOR THAT BULLSHIT HE PULLED HOLY FUCKING SHIT. The second he used Tony’s death as a weapon and drove the knife in regarding Peter’s guilt I leaned over to my friend and whispered, “Now he dies for sure.” I seriously wish I could kill that man with my bare hands, resurrect him, kill him again, and then do another resurrect and killing once again for good measure. Don’t get me wrong, he was a fantastic villain and Gyllenhall (or however his name is spelled) did a wonderful job playing him, but OHHHHHH MAN I’ve not wanted to bash a character’s face in this badly for a long time. How DARE he say that to Peter, how DARE he!!! 

ALSO THAT FIRST END CREDITS SCENE!! THAT BULLSHIT HE PULLED!!! FOUND ONE LAST WAY TO FUCK OVER PETER AFTER DEATH!! I’M STILL SCREAMING I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT I CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE WHAT THE NEXT SPIDER-MAN MOVIE IS GOING TO BE LIKE!!! Like, no doubt Tony had something already set up so that the Parkers would be protected in case Peter’s secret was ever exposed, but holy shit, I had my hands over my mouth. It’s perfectly in character for Mysterio so I can believe it on that level, but I CANNOT BELIEVE.

Also the fact that The Daily Bugle has been updated for modern times to be an extremist “news” website is perfect, A+++

All of this is not even to mention how much Tony would have DISAPPROVED of SO much in this movie. Like that scene near the beginning when Peter was Spider-Manning without his suit?? oh my god Tony would GROUND THAT BOY SO FAST. HE MADE YOU THOSE SUITS FOR A REASON, PETER. THEY ARE TO KEEP YOU SAFE. PLEASE WEAR THEM. But most of all he would have been THROWING HANDS at the way “Fury” (read: Talos) kept badgering Peter into giving up his life as a teenager to be a superhero instead (TONY ALWAYS WANTED PETER TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE AS A NORMAL TEENAGER), and he would have ABSOLUTELY thrown hands with Mysterio for that bullshit he pulled, MY GOD. Though on that note he would also be CONSUMED WITH GUILT that of course it was HIS ENEMIES going after HIS BOY. FUCK. So many emotions here but Tony would have been throwing every single hand he could find and then some. SO MANY HANDS WOULD BE THROWN IF HE WERE STILL ALIVE AT THE TIME THIS MOVIE TOOK PLACE.

ALSO THE WAY PETER GOT THE GLASSES I FUCKING SOBBED ON THE INSIDE. The little note inside the glasses case? The fact that Edith was already set up for Peter? “For the next Tony Stark, I trust you”? OH MY GOD, LEAVE ME HERE TO DROWN IN MY OWN TEARS. And the fact that Peter could ever doubt what Tony meant!! Like yes, Tony always did give him a choice, and Tony did want him to be a normal teenager! I 100% believe that’s why Happy politely told Fury to screw off at the end! BUT Tony always believed in Peter, supported him, taught him---there’s NO WAY he’d have anyone else be his successor, Peter! Believe in yourself!! 

HAPPY ALSO STEPPED UP IN THIS MOVIE IN SUCH A BIG WAY I’M SO PROUD AND SO GLAD. Like when he first said he didn’t want to talk to Peter when May had him on the phone I was shaking my fist at him a bit, because Happy, that is Tony’s surrogate son, and also, if you’re going to date this boy’s aunt, you have to be nice to the boy. But the second that Peter calls him and tells him “I messed up, I need a ride,” he is THERE. He FLEW TO THE NETHERLANDS IN A JET TO GET PETER, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. And the way he let Peter hug him! The way he stitched up Peter’s wounds!! The consoling talk he gave him!!! HOW PROUD HE LOOKED WHEN PETER WAS WORKING IN THE LAB!! THE FACT THAT HE PUT AC/DC ON FOR PETER JUST LIKE TONY ALWAYS USED TO USE!! (and Peter then called it Led Zeppelin . . . oh Peter, honey, no . . .) I was really wary about May/Happy given how Happy has treated Peter in the past, but seeing this completely sold me (even if May herself is not invested sjdljfldsjfds POOR HAPPY). Happy is definitely Peter’s uncle and the way that he was THERE for Peter when Peter needed him just made my heart so full. Thank god for Happy, looking out for Tony’s kids.

ALSO “PETER TINGLE” I’M SCREAMING I CANNOT BELIEVE SDJKDGDSLFDS GOD. I feel like MJ will be who comes up with “Spidey-Sense,” though I also feel like she could still use “Peter Tingle” to mess with him dskfjlsdfds.

Also have I mentioned how goddamn cute Peter/MJ is? Like WOW, completely sold, they were ADORABLE.

God I feel like there’s so much more to say but my mind is all one big whir right now, haha. I’m probably going to see it again in theaters, and definitely will get it on blu-ray when it comes out, but man. MAN. So much happened in this movie and it was great, and seeing yet again just how much Tony loved and believed in Peter? Man. MAN. Everything is great. Also I’m still screaming because of that first end credits scene. Also once again fuck Mysterio with a jackhammer and I hope he burns in whatever afterlife he ended up in, if he ended up in one.

(Also as a final note they put Fury on a ship with some Skrulls and didn’t even show me my woman Carol? My Captain?? The only Captain in the MCU who truly matters??? Where was she??? Where was my captain????)

[doomonfilm]

Thoughts : Watchmen [HBO, Episodes 7-9] (2019)

It’s been nine weeks of intense ups and downs, slow reveals to astonishing questions, and red herrings that turn into lore-shifting revelations, but it seems that HBO’s collaboration with Damon Lindelof has resulted in a true television gem in the form of Watchmen.  Though initially plagued by waves of confusion, negative feedback due to it’s unflinching look at race, and the ever-present specter of Alan Moore fans that echo his displeasure in any Watchmen property that is not the original run, the series eventually found strength via word of mouth, and the eventual fan service that arrived coincided with this new wave of interest.  The series is certainly a fascinating one, and it will go down as one of my favorites from the powerhouse that is HBO.

THE STORY CONCLUDES

Episode 07 : An Almost Religious Awe Angela finds herself in the custody of Lady Trieu as she recovers from an overdose of Will’s Nostalgia pills.  Already in a fragile state due to the harsh and traumatic nature of Will’s memories, Angela finds herself wading through the recesses of her own troubled past, specifically the loss of her parents, her time in a Saigon orphanage, and her near escape by way of her Grandmother’s custody attempted turned to untimely death.  Agent Petey discovers the remnants of a shootout at Looking Glass’s home, but there is no trace of Looking Glass to be found.  Special Agent Blake pays Jane Crawford a visit to confront her about the Cyclops organization, only to find herself a captive of Cyclops and the Seventh Kalvary.  Adrian Veidt faces a trial from the Game Warden.  Lady Trieu reveals that Dr. Manhattan is not on Mars, and that he is actually on Earth, forcing Angela to confront Cal (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II)about his mysterious past and the impending doom in his near future.

Episode 08 : A God Walks into Abar Cal, now revealed to be Dr. Manhattan, struggles to piece together the missing ten years from his life while attempting to orient himself after his sudden reappearance.  In 2009, he meets Angela for the first time and attempts to woo her.  In 1985, he creates life on the Jupiter-based moon of Europa, only to become disenchanted with the creatures made out of the image of his once childhood saviors and educators.  In 2009, he visits Adrian Veidt, who himself is disenchanted, in order to receive a device that will humanize the God-like Dr. Manhattan, and in exchange, Veidt is sent to Europa.  In 2009, Cal visits Will, and while informing Will about his missing granddaughter Angela and the feelings that have arisen for her, he inadvertently informs Will of Judd’s involvement with Cyclops.  In 2019, Dr. Manhattan realizes why he fell in love with Angela in the first place, and the two head into battle against an inescapable fate.

Episode 09 : See How They Fly The story of Lady Trieu’s origin is revealed when we learn that her mother broke into Adrian Veidt’s office during the recording of his presentation to President Robert Redford, found the storage of semen behind his painting of Alexander the Great, and inseminated herself.  Many years later, Lady Trieu receives Adrian’s S.O.S. from Europa and sends him a rescue pod, but Veidt soon learns of Trieu’s true intentions... a plan to undercut Sen. Keane’s attempt at stealing Dr. Manhattan’s powers, all in hopes of transferring them to herself.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

The Peteypedia : A weekly collection of documents relevant to the world of Watchmen, similar to the opening and closing inclusions in the original comic issues and graphic novel.

The Official Watchmen Podcast : Host Craig Mazin and showrunner Damon Lindelof discuss the HBO Watchmen series.  More episodes have been possibly teased, but as for now, Episode 3 marks the end of the podcast.

THOUGHTS ON THE SHOW

If making Will Reeves turn out to be Hooded Justice was world-changing, then I find myself at a loss for words to describe what the reveal of Cal as Dr. Manhattan was in terms of scope and scale.  The clues were there the entire time, as I often brought up to people in conversations about the show how locked in Special Agent Blake seemed to be to Cal, which in hindsight makes complete sense.  Cal’s incredibly reserved nature and no-nonsense approach to life echoed that of Dr. Manhattan’s indifference to the way that we perceive reality as well.  His continual search for love, despite his omniscience, is given another complex layer in the form of his romance with Angela Abar, and the unanswered questions we are left with in terms of his lasting impact on her continued life are simultaneously satisfying and frustrating, as any good story ending should be.  The seamless inclusion of what seemed to be a separate Adrian Veidt story helped bring it all home.

Those who were lucky enough to be following the Peteypedia during the run of the series were also given additional insight into the world of the show.  The texts provided gave us a look into the world that Lindelof built, including insight into Lady Trieu and her many business interests, continued connections to the Fogdancer lore from the original Watchmen, a look at how Nostalgia went from being a fad to a blacklisted item, and even an easter egg that answered a question that many viewers of the show were left believing was a hanging thread.  Totally random, but in a world with limited technology, I thought Lady Trieu’s use of an elephant as a makeshift hard drive was great writing.

Cal always seemed a bit too reserved not to be noticed, and yet to many (including myself), his reveal as Dr. Manhattan came as a complete shock.  Only a small number of people in the community were predicting this, and the payoff was one of the most rewarding in my recollection of TV reveals.  His calm and kind nature fits the predetermined mold, the revelation answered the question of how Angela survived the White Night, and his final moments being quotes from the Watchmen comic brought definitive connection between the HBO series and the original comic run.

Bian was another character that hid in plain sight, with the revelation of her turning out to be Lady Trieu’s mother helping tie the twisted knot (no pun intended) that was the relationship of Bian, Lady Trieu and Adrian Veidt.  Her creation also serves as a hint towards her intentions to supplant Dr. Manhattan, as her creation of Bian in her mother’s image mirrors Manhattan’s creation of Phillips and Crookshanks on Europa in homage of their impact on his life.

The understanding of who Mr. Phillips and Ms. Crookshanks were also sheds new light on the depths of Adrian’s cruelty, which we later learn was simply done as a tactic to keep himself from going mad during his ‘captivity’ on Europa.  Learning about their love and how it inspired Dr. Manhattan to create life in their image made the repeat burning of Mr. Phillips in front of Crookshanks during their performances of The Watchmaker’s Son cruel in retrospect, and while the numerous copies he killed to create his message for help were ultimately a sick, sad means to an end, it does seem that Adrian reveled in the dispatching of his ‘foes’.

If you watched this series without keeping tabs on the Peteypedia, you were watching Watchmen all wrong.

EXPECTATIONS AND REALITY

The ending made sense, I will give it that.  The way that the Millennium Clock was being built up, however, as well as the vagueness of Will’s connection to Lady Trieu, led me to believe that a mesmerizing operation would take place.  This, in my opinion, would have been a proper bookend to the inclusion of the Tulsa Riots, the White Night and the theater riot that happened while Will Reeves was a cop in New York, courtesy of Cyclops and the mesmerizing ray.  Police Chief Judd Crawford’s death at the hands of Will would have played as a test run for large scale chaos.  As Lindelof stated in one of the previous episodes of the Watchmen Podcast, however, once Dr. Manhattan lays his cards on the table, the nature of the game changes.  It was inevitable that any and all focus would shift to him once his presence on Earth was felt, but the way that Lady Trieu ultimately tried to Scooby Doo villain her way into Dr. Manhattan’s powers made logical sense, but lacked the imagination I would have come to expect from the self-proclaimed ‘smartest woman in the world’.  Playing the ending that did take place as Dr. Manhattan’s chance to make a selfless gesture, however, did make up for the imagination with emotional ingredients.

THE QUESTIONS

The only true questions here are whether or not Lindelof (or another creator) will choose to continue Watchmen as a series.  In light of this, my questions would center around the following thoughts : 

- What would the impact on the world be if Angela Abar was able to inherit any form of Dr. Manhattan’s powers?

- With no internet in the current world of Watchmen, how would a rogue Dale Petey share his information?

- With the power structure of Cyclops and the Seventh Kalvary obliterated, will the remaining members of the Seventh Kalvary continue to be a force of opposition?

- Unless I missed something, it seems that Bian survived what Lady Trieu did not... could this open the door to Trieu Industries continuing under her hand?

- With Special Agent Blake having seemingly arrested Adrian Veidt, does this open the door for a Night Owl appearance, seeing as both men would theoretically be Federal prisoners?

Nobody at this point knows what is in store for the future of Watchmen, but with this series having a successful ending, and the conclusion of Doomsday Clock on the horizon, I can imagine folks like myself will be hungry for more.

[baking-accident]

ok it is time for my endgame opinions now

the good:

- tony being all traumatized and suicidal after returning to earth. bitterly ranting at steve and literally ripping the arc reactor out of his heart and handing it to him. jesus i could talk about that forever where are rdj’s awards

- “stuart little” and “build a bear”. one place the mcu has never let me down is funny nicknames

- rhodey, in general. confirmed bill and ted fan and would strangle baby thanos. and his exchange with nebula about their disabilities and working with what they’ve got

- scott, in general. wanting a selfie with the kids and being disappointed when they don’t know who he is. getting startled by rhodey landing next to him. looking for cassy’s name on the memorial thing in panic. his continuing fanboy crush on steve. being the catalyst for the idea of time travel. a ray of light

- seeing spider-man swinging through a portal! we all knew he was going to come back but especially after seeing spiderverse, the whole idea of spider-man is Powerful and Good and i’m happy to have him back

- carol said pixie cut rights! i love her general vibe of showing up like a shiny angel to help people out, and her genuinely very valid excuse that she can’t always be around bc she’s busy saving the rest of the galaxy. i also really liked the “furface” exchange with rocket, it feels so joyously “fun sci-fi where the characters hang out with all kinds of weird creachers constantly and aren’t really surprised by anything anymore”

- steve talking about the whales and saying that his optimism is a “force of habit” was very sweet

the bad:

- so, no gamora? *smashes phone* i’ve made my peace with tony and nat’s deaths, but gamora died alone, terrified, without dignity, and for a dumb reason and apparently can’t come back when almost everybody else can???? there’s 2014 gamora i suppose but i really miss post-character development soft team mom gamora

- i definitely kept losing track of all the timeline stuff and future and past characters, especially the two nebulas

- bojack norseman thor being played as such a joke!!!!! i get that everyone liked ragnarok and it was a fun movie and i’m glad taika and chris hemsworth are having a good time, but thor is one of the main franchise protagonists having his arc wrapped up!!!!! his friends love him!!!! they arrested his brother together once!!!! we could have had a slightly more serious depressed alcoholic thor, maybe a nice moment with tony sympathizing with him since he’s Been There, and instead we got fortnite and cartoon jiggling belly sound effects, and his friends staring at him awkwardly while he wears hangover sunglasses and rambles about jane

- not so much “bad” as “highlighted how much the mcu has changed since 2012″ but it was super weird and jarring to see tom hiddleston acting like funny, kinda pathetic taika loki in genocidal psycho whedon loki’s clothes

- and in general, hopping around the events of the past movies like they were just “how it should have ended” joaks with no stakes or emotional weight

- trying to figure out how the time travel stuff works is breaking my brain. if thanos only destroyed the infinity stones like 2 days ago why couldn’t they time travel back to 3 days ago and fight him for the gauntlet then? or go back to the planet where they almost got him in infinity war and hold quill back? both of those seem easier than messing with the timeline in countless places to track down all the infinity stones separately. and now that hank pym is presumably unsnapped and can make more time travel fuel, everything in the mcu becomes a question of “why didn’t they just use time travel to fix x?” my headcanon explanation is “the avengers are very stupid and didn’t think of it”

- i know it’s a comics thing but i ... really don’t want sam or bucky or anyone else to take over as captain america? (or any other heroes if that’s on the table.) it would be like a movie reboot, always compared to the original instead of being allowed to shine as its own thing. sam is already the falcon and he’s great!!!! there’s no reason he has to become a secondary replacement for an existing hero!!!! i personally don’t think torch-passing will work for the mcu tbh

- too many cooks in the final battle, although that’s pretty much unavoidable in a giant team-up movie. it was a 3 hour movie and still some characters didn’t even get lines

- neb 👏 should👏 have👏 killed👏 thanos!!!!! also personally i wish his final death scene was something more visceral and mortal like decapitation or impalement, getting dusted feels super reversible, especially since we just saw it get reversed for hundreds of people. book vs. movie voldemort situation

the ugly:

- uncanny valley professor hulk. why

[1989dreamer]

Chapter 18 of Looking for a Place to Call Home

Un-edited. No time right now, sorry.

                                                                                                                        ~ * ~

Derek sits in a chair by the window. He stares down at a mostly empty parking lot. On the other side of the room, Laura argues with acting Sheriff Parrish about what to do with Peter. Parrish thinks Peter should be locked up. He’s killed two people and would have killed more if Laura hadn’t been at the hospital.

Laura knows Peter’s spree isn’t done. After all, there’s all the hunters in New York to go after. Derek is only here because Laura wants to throw his well-being in Parrish’s face. All Derek cares about right now is that Kate can’t come back and hurt him more.

He turns away from the window and announces, “I want to see her.”

Parrish and Laura pause in their argument.

“What?” Parrish asks.

“No,” Laura tells Derek, “you don’t need to see that.”

“I do,” he insists. “I keep seeing her—Kate—everywhere. I need to know that she’s not going to come after me again.” Quieter, he adds so only Laura can hear him, “I need to know that Peter really did kill her.”

Laura looks like she’s going to say no again, and Derek will have to obey her order, but Parrish stops her.

“We do still need someone to formally identify the body.” He studies Derek critically. “Kate’s niece, Allison doesn’t feel she can adequately identify her because it’s been over fourteen years since she saw her with any regularity.”

“And I’ve seen her almost every day for three years.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Laura asks. “You don’t have to. I could I.D. her.”

“She’s my nightmare,” Derek says. “I need to be the one.” He stands up. “If we can get this over now, please?”

Parrish leads them down into the basement of the hospital and to a large room with double doors and a plate glass window. He taps on a glass window to get the attention of a small woman inside.

She scurries out and starts babbling too fast for Derek to understand—although it might just be because down here and the woman smell strongly of death and it’s making him second-guess his determination to see Kate’s body.

Parrish seems to understand the woman, nodding often and interjecting a few exclamations. When she runs out of breath, Parrish asks her if Kate’s body is ready for viewing.

“It’s been less than five hours since she was discovered,” the woman snaps. “No, she’s not ready.”

“Could she be identified now?”

The woman looks at Derek, her eyes narrowing. “You’re making a child do the I.D.?” She punches Parrish’s shoulder.

“Easy, Doc, Parrish warns her. “Derek Hale spent the most time in Kate’s presence of late, and as such is the best choice to I.D. her.”

Doc still grumbles but she goes back into the room and stalks over to a wall of doors, pulling open on to reveal a sheet-covered body.

“We’re going to stay out here, okay?” Parrish’s hand hovers over Derek’s back, the heat of it only making him more nervous and unsure. Maybe he doesn’t need to see Kate after all. Peter hadn’t lied when he said that he’d “given Kate what she deserved.” Obviously, he meant that he’d killed her.

How he had done it was less clear and not something that Derek was particularly keen to know.

Parrish taps on the window and Doc lifts the sheet.

Kate’s eyes are closed, face slack. She could be asleep, but Derek never saw her so still. Her throat has been ripped out, bone and sinew exposed. She would have died quickly from an injury like that. It is little comfort to him.

Parrish clears his throat, and Derek jumps. “Is that Kate Argent?”

Derek nods, his head spinning. Kate is dead. She’s never going to be able to come after him again.

Freedom feels a lot like shock, Derek thinks, swaying toward Laura. He clings to her, drawing comfort from his alpha.

“Okay, back upstairs.” Parrish pushes them to the elevator. “Get him checked out.”

Laura ignores Parrish’s order and walks Derek outside.

Erica and Boyd are sitting on a bench with their backs to the entrance, a few yards away. Between them, Cora sits, kicking her bare feet up and in arcs. She turns and lets out a happy squeal. She leaps over the back and bounds to them. It’s difficult to walk with Cora hanging onto both of them, but they manage, neither wanting to dislodge their sister.

“How are you holding up?” Erica asks when they all squeeze onto the bench.

“Could be better,” Laura answers. “The new sheriff had Derek I.D. Kate’s body. If she wasn’t already dead, I’d like to kill her myself.”

“I feel the same way about Isaac’s dad,” Boyd says. “I’ve been trying to get that bastard put away for over eighteen years now.”

“On the one hand, I’m glad Peter got his revenge. On the other, I’m mad that the humans don’t understand and Peter is probably going to be incarcerated for it.”

“Peter was going to kill Lydia,” Derek reminds Laura. “She’s innocent. If it’d been Allison instead, I don’t think we could have stopped him. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt Peter to have some time where he couldn’t attack anyone.”

“He’s accepted me as his alpha. He won’t randomly attack anyone again.”

“This isn’t helping us,” Erica breaks in. “All this circular thinking. Right now we need to focus on healing you from your trauma.” She pats Derek’s cheek and then repeats the gesture with Cora and then Laura. “Let’s go back to the house. I’m sure you’re all more than ready to eat again.”

“Do we have to give our statements about still since she’s dead?” Cora asks.

“Probably,” Laura says. “That other snake is still alive.” She turns to Boyd and Erica. “Deaton is still alive, right?”

“The old vet?” Boyd shrugs. “Last I knew. Did Peter have a reason to go after him?”

“He called Kate back to town when he realized Derek was here,” Laura says. “If Peter knew that, then Deaton is probably dead.”

Erica stands up and dusts off her hands. “We’ll tell the Sheriff’s Department to look into it. For now, let’s just go home.”

                                                                                                                        ~ * ~

Stiles thumps his stack of reports onto acting-Sheriff Parrish’s desk.

Once Peter had admitted to attacking Sheriff Lahey, it was much easier to start the investigation as if a pack of dogs had set upon the poor, unfortunate soul. Of course, the only strange “dogs” that had been seen in Beacon Hills lately were the two wolf-dogs Kate Argent had brought with her.

Kate was being blamed for Lahey senior’s death and Deaton, who had gone missing shortly after he’d made bail, was being blamed for Kate’s death.

Stiles suspects that Peter knows exactly where the old vet vanished off to, but Stiles doesn’t want to ask. Peter Hale has gone through enough these past three years.

He’s still healing. All the Hales are.

“We got a positive I.D. on the Jane Doe at the hospital morgue.” Parrish grins at Stiles.

“I thought that body was Kate Argent’s?” Stiles says. “Why’d we need an I.D.?”

“Our next of kin didn’t think she could make a positive I.D. of the body.”

“So who did?” Stiles asks, mind already sorting through the possible candidates. Parrish doesn’t answer. Stiles stares at him in growing horror. “You had Derek Hale I.D. her?” he hisses.

Parrish looks embarrassed and then annoyed. “We needed the I.D. and he offered. He’s spent the last three years with her.”

“Yeah, being horribly abused and mistreated by her. Way to go, Jordan.”

Parrish rolls his eyes. “What would you have done in my place?”

“I don’t know, run a DNA test, compared the results with Allison’s DNA. Yes, it would have taken a lot longer, but at least you wouldn’t have re-traumatized a kid.”

“You mean like you did when you shot him with a taser?” Parrish retorts angrily. “Stiles, you weren’t there. He needed the closure of seeing her dead. So what if he made the I.D. we needed? He got something out of it too.”

“And where is he now?” Stiles demands. “Can you definitely say that he was better off for having seen Kate Argent dead?”

“He’s with Erica Reyes and Vernon Boyd now. His sister stayed with him the whole time. He’s fine.”

Stiles shakes his head. He knows what it’s like to put up a front and hide what he’s going through because the sad fact is that people don’t actually care about other people’s problems. “I know you don’t believe that, not after your time in the service.”

Parrish has the good sense to look ashamed. “You didn’t see him, Stiles. You didn’t see the way he was asking for that closure.”

Stiles contemplates that answer. “I suppose so,” he concedes. “What’s going to happen to Peter Hale now?”

If, and it’s a very big if, Peter doesn’t go to jail for Kate’s murder, he’ll have the choice of adopting his nieces and nephew.

“Evidence.” Parrish shrugs. “We listen to what it says. Hey, Stiles, do you think your dad would be amendable to being the sheriff again?”

“I don’t know. Isn’t that something you should be asking him?”

“I would but I don’t have his contact information.”

Stiles sighs and pulls out his cellphone. He starts scrolling through his contacts, not really looking for his dad’s number. He still has to apologize for a couple of nights ago, and he doesn’t know what to say. Parrish glares at him when he takes too long to find Dad’s number.

Suddenly, Stiles’ phone rings, an unknown number. He holds up a finger and answers it. “Stilinski.”

“Stiles, this is Isaac. Lahey.”

“Hi, Isaac. How are you doing right now?”

“Well, could be better. I mean, my dad was just murdered because he was helping cover up another murder, but at least he’s not around to keep hitting me.”

Stiles wants to ask how Isaac knows about Peter’s confession, but he remembers that Erica was in the room with them. Of course she would have told Boyd and Boyd would have told Isaac.

“True,” he agrees. “What can I help you with?”

“My dad’s house…what’s going to happen to it?”

“First, it’s going to be processed for evidence regarding your father’s passing. After, if he willed it to you, it’ll be yours unless he had a mortgage that needs to be paid off.”

“No mortgage,” Isaac says. “The house was my mom’s before she died. My dad got the house because they were still married.”

“Did your mom have a will?” Stiles knows his mom did. It’s how he ended up with Roscoe in high school: she’d willed her Jeep to him. Dad got the house.

If Isaac’s mom left him the house, then there had to be a record of it somewhere.

“I don’t know. She died a long time ago.”

“Okay, well, I can look at City Hall. If I can locate a will for your mom, then I can answer your question. For now though, the house is essentially in limbo.”

“Thank you, Stiles. I know you were just doing your job when you came to talk to me about my dad.”

Stiles doesn’t know what to say, and Isaac hangs up before he can think to ask why he wants to know about the house. In Stiles’ experience, unless there isn’t another option, abuse survivors don’t really like spending time in the spaces where they were abused.

“Your dad’s number,” Parrish prompts, and Stiles doesn’t jump. He does flip Parrish off though.

“I’ll ask him if he wants to run for election, but I’m not going to let this town chew him up again.”

“I wasn’t here three years ago,” Parrish says, hands held up defensively. “I wasn’t part of that campaign. Don’t take it out on me.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Stiles sighs, scrubbing at his face. “I just can’t understand.”

“Understand what?”

“How did Lahey get away with abusing his son for so long? Vernon Boyd told me that he’s been trying to get Isaac away from his dad for almost eighteen years. How did no one notice or care?”

“What about you? Why didn’t you notice?”

Stiles shrugs. “I wasn’t in the same circle as Isaac in high school. I had my head up my ass. I was too busy chasing Lydia Martin to see anything in front of my nose. Isaac suffered because of it. I will do what I can to help him.”

“Commendable,” Parrish remarks. “Are you sure it’s not too little too late?”

“It probably is, but I’m still going to help as much as I can. It’s the right thing to do.”

Parrish sighs. “There’s going to be a scandal when the abuse comes to light. Isaac’s in for a rough ride.”

“He’s got good friends,” Stiles says, thinking again of Erica and Boyd. “He’ll make it through.”

“It’s the Sheriff’s Department we have to worry about.”

Stiles nods. “I wonder what’s going to happen, who’s going to survive the investigation.”

“Not Haigh. He’s out of here as soon as I have the authority to fire him. You’re pressing charges.”

“He didn’t even touch me,” Stiles protests. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Oh, trust me; you can.”

“Fantastic,” Stiles quips dryly. He’s a little worried that Parrish might go power-hungry if he’s allowed to remain as the interim Sheriff. He did suffer the most at Haigh’s hands. Stiles can’t say he’ll be sorry when that sonofabitch is routed, but he knows Haigh is only one of Sheriff Lahey’s lackeys. There are more supporters in the Department and in the community. The man was elected to his position after all.

Parrish sighs, shoulders sinking like a boulder suddenly took up residence on their breadth. “Will you please ask your father if he’d at least consider coming back? Elections aren’t that far out. He’s still got a lot of friends in this town.”

“I’ll ask him,” Stiles says. “I can’t promise anything else.”

“Thank you.”

                                                                                                                        ~ * ~

MP, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19

[upslapmeal]

so. it’s the jtv s4 finale today which means it’s probably my last chance to bust out my Michael-Is-Alive theories I’ve been coming up with since december 2016

(“but Incy,” I hear you say, “that’s before Michael even died”…………yeah I’ve definitely spent way too much time thinking about this and the fact that it even seems like a genuine possibility now is WILD)

also this is 100% spoiler-free……….I mean I’m not sure how I could have put spoilers in here but just know that this is only speculation based on what’s happened in the show

right then. let’s get started.

1. Didn’t We See Him Die???

well…..did we? we saw him collapse and we saw his heart fade but there are several possibilities for what actually happened:

he actually died but………………obviously that’s not the one I’m going for

he collapsed but he didn’t die and was transferred to a hospital(?) where he ““died””

this was an ep that kept on talking about unreliable narrators and Jennie explained that as being linked to our narrator’s comment in ch10 about Michael loving Jane until his last breath but maybe it could have had a second role, in that what we saw didn’t actually happen but was rather a depiction of what Jane at the time thought happened

the person we saw wasn’t actually Michael but someone in a Michael mask (I hear you can get them cheap at your nearest fancy-dress shop)

2. Ok Right……..But Why Would He Fake His Death

first and foremost I like to believe if Michael does come back it wasn’t a case of him faking his death but something he was forced into but we’re going to need to consider all the options:

my absolute least favourite is that Michael went undercover and that the exam was a ruse - there’s no way I can believe that the Michael we saw in that episode who was so excited about Jane possibly being pregnant chose to have Jane think he was dead while he went on a case for over 4 years……nah.

the other undercover alternative is that he was confronted about the case after leaving for his exam, either before taking it or after when he was in the hospital(?) he had been transferred to bc the Undercover Detective Agency thought they could use the fact that he could fake his death but again I just can’t see him knowingly putting Jane through everything she went through

he could be in witness protection but…………..from what? if it was from Rose then why a) was he not out after Rose was arrested and b) did Rose know about him being alive (I’m assuming Michael’s not-deadness is what she tells Rafael on the phone). besides, if he’s the person Rose was talking about at the end of ch65 then witness protection definitely doesn’t fit

so the ones that I think are much more likely are the ones that directly involve Rose, least likely of which involve Rose kidnapping Michael on his way to the test and sending someone disposable that she’s poisoned or sth like that in his place wearing one of Rose’s Special Hyperrealistic Masks™

the theory that I put forward as my Official Theory on *checks chat screenshots* april 1st 2017 is that Rose kidnapped Michael and makes use of the fact that he is dead to the rest of the world to get him to do crime lord stuff for her under the threat of harming Jane or her family if he even tries to escape

however based on recent in-show comments, especially one about how amnesia plots are Totally Unrealistic (and then there's the fact that we got an amnesia fakeout in ch45), my current theory is that Rose kidnapped him and somehow made him lose his memory (or maybe it was something she hadn’t planned on but was the result of him collapsing and he was in that state when she took him from the hospital(?))

the amnesia plot could also involve getting Michael to essentially work for her, and if it turns out he was the Mysterious Walking Man that would tie in with the ~~evil coming~~

also this amnesia theory is the one I personally want bc Jennie really made a point of pushing the line about Michael loving Jane until his last breath and if he’s lost his memories then that means he has to get them back and they have to fall in love all over again right??

3. Fine Ok Ok But How Do You Explain The Phone Call? And The Funeral??

for the phone call there are two main possibilities (sticking with the It Was Rose approach): either Rose threatened a doctor to make the call, or it was someone that worked for Rose. I mean is it normal to just be phoned up when your spouse dies?? and the same applies to the autopsy: either Rose threatened the doctor or it didn’t actually happen. 

as for the body, we don’t know if Jane ever saw it and if Rose was involved she could have easily made a doctor recommend she doesn’t see the body bc it would be too traumatic and if she did see the body……a mask worked fine when Rose was ““killed”” right? and we know that Rose is incredibly Extra so I’m sure she made sure that everything went smoothly at the funeral

4. Still, Why Would Rose Even Do This??

first off, Rose is dramatic and a telenovela villain, this is exactly what she would do but also:

when Michael dies, Rose is Eileen and she’s promised Luisa she won’t kill any more people but she knows she’s potentially going to be around Jane’s family and specifically Michael

Michael has already worked out one of her disguises so she wants him out of the way but she doesn’t want to break her promise to Luisa so it’s kidnapping time

remember Michael’s career was essentially about taking Rose down and yeah he was’t a detective any more but I think Rose wanted to get back and have her be in control

also I feel like people forget that she knows Michael pretty well? I mean he and Susanna (RIP I will never forgive the show for you not being real) had a rocky start but they were working alongside each other for the majority of s2 and by the end he literally invited her to his wedding

honestly at the end of the day I think she just wanted some sweet ironic revenge (and to protect herself)

once she was arrested she kept on to him bc she knew she could use him being alive as some sort of leverage

SO THERE WE HAVE IT

who knows if any of this will be relevant and I might have forgotten some stuff but this is basically my collective thoughts concerning Michael Cordero Jr, Undeceased

[ageofgeek]

Infinity War Thoughts and Review

First, I'm going to start off with a non-spoiler review (above the read-more).

So, after seeing Infinity War last nigt, I am actually traumatized. I feel like I'm in the 5 stages of grief, and I'm still in the Denial phase because the ramifications of this movie haven't set in yet. I am still so fucking shocked by what happened in that movie. And while I will undoubtedly be entering the next phase - Anger - fairly soon, I am going to try to be somewhat coherent and logical about this, so I'm gonna talk about the movie in broad strokes (again, no spoilers!).

First of all, Marvel did a great job at balancing all of those characters. I know a lot of people were very concerned about 30+ superheroes in the same movie, but they did a great job. As much as I hate to say it, they were very smart to "center" the film around Thanos, and then use his quest to get the infinity stones as the grounding for the rest of the characters and their missions.

That being said, this movie was an emotional rollercoaster. Goddammit. Tragic, gut-wrenching moments were quickly and almost abruptly followed by Avengers-typical quips and humor, and there came a point in the movie where my brain was like: "Alright, yep, that tragic thing just happened, time to wipe your tears and move on because the movie is already 10 steps ahead of you while you're still reeling.". And while that sucked for someone like me, who wants to cherish every single one of my babies, it did create an emotional environment wherein you felt the urgency. When tragedy struck, you didn't have time to mourn or think or become angry, because the stakes were too high. And I had the feeling that what I, as an audience member, was feeling, was similar to what the characters themselves were feeling. As these awful things happened to the people that they love, Thanos is still growing more powerful every second, and those characters had to swallow painfully, maybe shed a small tear, and move on. And that was one of the most tragic parts of this movie for me: the way that things had become so dire that individual lives didn't - and couldn't - matter anymore, not even to the people who love them the most.

In general, I wouldn't say that this film was enjoyable to watch - much like I wouldn't say that open heart surgery would be enjoyable - but it was definitely an incredible film. High intensity, beautiful cinematography, some stunning visual effects (and some less so - see: Thanos' bulk and height compared to the other, non-CGI characters), and there was a real loyalty to the arcs and lives of these characters. The ramifications of Infinity War will definitely need to be addressed in the 3 Marvel films that follow (Ant-Man and Wasp, Captain Marvel, and finally Avengers 4), and I'm looking forward to theorizing frantically on the Internet for the next year as to what will happen next.

And now, let's move on to the SPOILERY discussion. AGAIN, SPOILERS ARE AHEAD: BEWARE!

God, alright, let's start at the beginning.

Opening up on the Asgardian refugee ship being attacked by Thanos, I just, god. That entire scene destroyed me, right off the bat. First of all, Heimdall's death was so upsetting (and Thor's reaction to it was so painful), but here's a question that a lot of people have been asking: What happened to Valkyrie? Did she leave the ship before they got attacked? God, I really hope Marvel doesn't give her the "Sif and Jane" treatment - it seems like women in the Thor movies always just get forgotten and brushed off, which, wtf?

But moving on - fuck, Loki's death destroyed. Right off the fucking bat, I was sobbing at this fucking movie. Goddammit. I knew that it was probably gonna happen, but it didn't make it any less painful (also, oh my god, Thor screaming through the gag when he died and then crawling over to his body and cradling him, god that FUCKED ME UP). I mean, there are already a few good theories floating around which argue that Loki could have escaped death once again (i.e. why didn't Loki's corpse revert to his Jotun form after he died? Also, why would he just foolishly try to attack Thanos with a knife? He knows Thanos' strength better than almost anyone else (except Gamora and Nebula) - he would not have just barreled ahead and attacked him! There's also the point that while Hulk and Thanos were fighting, Loki went off screen, and when he returned, he was all jovial and did the ballsy (and foolish) stab move. Why would he be that confident, unless he had a plan and had already saved himself?).  But anyway, that’s enough theorizing.  Even if Loki did die for real, I will be smiling through my tears because he died a hero.  They didn’t fuck up his character development from Ragnarok - he died trying to save his brother and his people.  He died embracing his family, and all parts of his identity (”Prince of Asgard...rightful king of Jotunheim...Odinson”).  Even if he is dead for good, I’m proud of my boy.

...

Now, switch to Tony(!!!) and Pepper(!!!!!!!) jogging in Central Park, talking about their wedding and babies!!  I actually squealed during that scene.  FUCK I love them.  Also, the fact that Tony specifically mentioned that he dreamed about Pepper being pregnant makes me think that she actually is, because we’ve been told ever since Age of Ultron that Tony has somewhat prophetic dreams/visions, for some reason.  If he was right about Thanos, why isn’t he right about this?  Just saying!  (Oh god, please let Avengers 4 have Tony and Pepper’s baby).

Doctor Strange comes through the portal and we have the Science Bros reunion hug :’) God, they haven’t seen each other in 3 years, and Bruce’s confusion over the breakup of the Avengers was both funny and sad.  And Tony’s face when he says “Steve Rogers” - not “Steve” or “Cap” or “Capsicle”, but his full fucking name.  The divorce is still real and apparently, NOT RESOLVED IN THIS MOVIE because THEY NEVER EVEN FUCKING SPOKE TO EACH OTHER.  I came out of that film saying to myself, “...Wait, there wasn’t even the flip phone call?!  Bruce called Steve, and it was off screen!  What the fuck???”  Dammit, Marvel, why did you play me like this?  There better be fucking resolution to this conflict in Avengers 4.

Anyway, the first fight scene with Ebony Maw was pretty awesome, because Stephen and Wong’s magic was cool but we ALSO GOT TO SEE TONY’S NEW ARMOR!!!  Our entire theater began to cheer when his armor began to come out and aghh, it was so beautiful, I’ve been waiting 5 years for this moment!!  It seems like he still doesn’t have Extremis, but still, the nanobot armor is a great improvement (all of the phasing that that armor could do was awesome!).  And Peter’s introduction, of course, was great.  And my emotions! when Tony basically told Peter to let go of the spaceship and trust him, and Peter did and he got the Iron Spider armor!  (which, holy shit, I love it, A++).

Also, when Tony got on that ship and Pepper called and she was so upsettttt, okay, i need to move on, that was too painful

...

Switch to Vision and Wanda in Scotland, POST-COITAL!!!!  FUCK my Scarlet Vision heart in this movie was fucking fulfilled and also broken, god, I love them so much.  I just, the fact that they’ve been visiting each other for 2 YEARS and secretly dating and hE ASKED HER TO STAY AND SHE DID, fuck, I love them, why is this movie so cruel to my babies?

Ok, but also, how many fucking times does Vision get stabbed in this movie?  He gets stabbed twice(?) in the fight in Scotland, and then a third time in the woods of Wakanda at the very end.  Which, there wasn’t an explanation as to how the Black Order’s weapons were able to pierce vibranium?  I guess there was kind of the implication that the bonds between Vision’s neurons/molecules were weakening, so weapons could slip through?

Anyway, the introduction of Team Cap to fight off Proxima Midnight was pretty awesome, ngl.  I pretty much forgave them at that point (although not entirely.  Still a little mad at Cap).

...

But then they go home to RHODEY!  Which, yes, I grinned and wiggled in my seat when I saw my baby following in the footsteps of his best friend and pissing off Ross.  Although, still pissed that Rhodey didn’t put up more resistance to Team Cap before seemingly forgiving them?  Like, even if Rhodey forgave them for what they did to him personally, there’s no way that he wouldn’t have given them shit over what they did to Tony at the end of CACW.  Come on now, Marvel.  I have to wonder, based on what Don Cheadle said in an interview, if there are deleted scenes where Rhodey is more standoffish towards them at first.

...

This is where things kinda get a little muddled in my head, because things were moving so quickly, it was difficult to keep track.

At some point, the Guardians were introduced again, and they stumbled upon Thor and split up.

Thanos took Gamora because she knew where the soul stone was, and tortured Nebula to get that info out of her.

They went to Vormir, where the soul stone was, and WHAT DO YOU FUCKING KNOW, Red Skull is there.  That cameo honestly shocked the FUCK out of me.  I sat there with my mouth open for at least a full minute, that just caused my brain to short circuit, goddamn.  I was honestly wondering if they were ever going to bring him back (since the Tesseract doesn’t necessarily kill you, it’s the space stone, it just teleported him), and his appearance in this movie actually reminded me of his role in Avengers: Assemble, when he uses one of the stones(?) to become “Cosmic Skull” or whatever?  Yeah, anyway.

So, there’s no way that Gamora is dead for real, right?  Like, that’s some bullshit.  THAT.  IS.  BULLSHIT.  MARVEL.  I don’t know if Zoe Saldana’s contract ran out, but there is at least one more Guardians movie and there’s no fucking way that she isn’t in it, come on now.  Same with Groot (although that happens at the end).  Gamora’s death feels a bit more final, though, compared with the “dust deaths” that happened at the end, so I don’t know.  Dammit, that one hit me hard (and I wanted to punch Thanos for shedding that single fucking tear, lol, FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE).

...

Everyone goes to Wakanda while Tony and co. are on Titan, and the dual final battles begin.

Shuri is there (YAY!), and so is Okoye, being a badass, and M’Baku, and T’Challa!!  It’s only been a few months since we saw Black Panther, but fuck, I missed them all.

Shuri is a fucking sassmaster with Bruce (and Tony, by proxy), in Vision’s body composition (although, didn’t Ultron technically make the body, and Bruce and Tony just finished it and integrated it with JARVIS and the mind stone?).  Anyway, whyyy did this movie give me hope like that by them desperately trying to find a way to save Vision while also destroying the mind stone?  Fuck you.

Wakanda’s defenses hold up SUPER WELL, like, lol, fuck you Proxima Midnight and Cull Obsidian, if it wasn’t for T’Challa decision to open the barrier to give Shuri more time, they never would’ve gotten in to Wakanda.  And then there’s the big fight scene, which was awesome!  I loved the 3 women team-up against Proxima, with Okoye, Wanda, and Natasha.  That was, ungh, fuck, I was so aroused by that scene.  GIVE ME AN ALL-FEMALE MARVEL MOVIE, YOU COWARDS.

...

Switch back to Titan, and there was a very important scene with Stephen that I forgot to mention.  He used the time stone to look into millions of possible futures, and they only win in one of those universes.  That is SO.  IMPORTANT.  because Stephen is absolutely about the greater good, we saw that on the ship when he said that he wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice Tony and Peter for the time stone.

So the fact that Stephen then GIVES THANOS the time stone to save Tony’s life is SUPER IMPORTANT.  Because if there was only one universe, one set of events, where they won, then you better fucking believe that Stephen is going to follow that universe TO THE LETTER.  Why would he get all sentimental now to save Tony’s life?  No, there are either 2 ways to interpret Stephen’s actions: 1) In the universe where they won, it was necessary for them to “lose” first by Thanos getting all of the infinity stones.  Thus, despite what the others on Titan thought, Stephen never intended to subdue Thanos and take the gauntlet, and really only intended to eventually “give in” and give him the time stone.  Or 2) The only way to defeat Thanos is for Tony to be alive.  Tony is instrumental for Thanos’ eventual defeat, and so, Stephen thought it was a necessary sacrifice, to give Thanos the time stone in exchange for Tony’s life, and thus, the chance to defeat Thanos for good.

I’m kind of leaning towards the latter, although both are certainly possible.  The fact that Thanos KNEW Tony - specifically calling him “Stark” when they first met, and saying that “we are both cursed with knowledge?” - fuck that really points to Tony having cosmic significance here, and I am INTO it.  I’m kinda worried that they’re gonna have some sort of Harry & Voldemort link(?), where Tony has been having visions for the past 6+ years about Thanos, and Thanos has been having similar visions about Tony?  IDK, but I’m definitely gonna be reblogging a shit-ton of theories regarding this.

But fuck, when Tony was stabbed.  WHEN TONY WAS STABBED.  I literally almost threw up.  Like, I was kinda prepared for it, but fuck I really was not.  I WAS NOT PREPARED, AT ALL.  Just, his face when he was stabbed, I just wanted to cry and hold my baby and wrap him in a blanket burrito and NEVER LET THANOS TOUCH HIM EVER AGAIN.  I can’t even really talk about that scene, because it fucking destroyed me and I don’t want to think about it.

...

Wow, and back in Wakanda, we have another heartbreaking scene, fuck me in my fucking asshole.  Wanda having to destroy the mind stone, and thus, Vision.  WOW.  WOWWW I was crying so fucking hard, FUCK, why do I love Scarlet Vision so much, this movie wouldn’t have been so painful, goddammit.  I also want to wrap them both in blanket burritos, because this is so unfair.

But, the good thing about Thanos using the time stone to get the mind stone back is somewhat a good thing, because Vision’s body was no longer destroyed - he just had the mind stone ripped out of his head.  He’s an android - as long as his “corpse”/body is still intact, there’s the possibility for them to retrieve the mind stone and resurrect him.  So, I kind of have tentative hope for Vision?  But I don’t know.

...

And then.  We get to the very end.

Thor comes in and stabs Thanos (which, thank God) (also, i totally forgot to mention that whole subplot with Thor, Rocket, and Groot, along with surprise cameo, Peter Dinklage???  What the fuck?  I mean, I wasn’t complaining, but I was super shocked).

But Thanos is able to snap his fingers and then he disappears...and they all begin to turn to dust.

This was such a bold move by Marvel, I can’t even explain it.  Like, even if it all gets ret-conned and they’re all brought back to life in Avengers 4 or some shit, it’s still a SUPER BOLD MOVE to end one of your biggest movies with HALF OF THE PROTAGONISTS DYING INSTANTLY, and the antagonist seemingly WINNING.

But, another part that was very important - before Stephen faded away, he told Tony that “this was the only way”, which again, only supports the theory that Stephen knew exactly what he was doing and that this was the only way for them to win.

Honestly, watching all of them die was really painful.  Bucky, Sam, Wanda, T’Challa(?!?!?!?!), Stephen, Peter Quill, but...

As many people have already said, my heart broke when Peter started fading away in Tony’s arms.  Fuck that scene fucked me up.  As someone in the theater said, “HE’S JUST A KID, MARVEL.”  Like, goddammit.  And the fact that he felt it coming because of the spidey sense??  Wow, how much more painful can you get, I hate this!!!  And him falling into Tony’s arms, oh my god, just kill me already.  I don’t want to talk about it.  I can’t even think about it anymore.

Just.  Ugh.

...

Alright, I’m done.  That’s my thoughts.  It ended on such a sad and hopeless note, I honestly don’t know where to go from here, other than read fluffy fanfiction for the next few months and reblog the shit out of theories and metas.

FUCK.  This movie really fucked me up.