#they will never earn my forgiveness for not having cool aliens

[papercrane]

Ive been watching lower decks w a friend because I like to spend time with friends, but ill be real with you i still hate it

[squeakyleftsneaker]

Watching Voltron for the 1st Time: S6 Ep. 1-3

Oh brother. Oh dawg. Oh my fucking god. We've really reached this point in time. If you're stumbling across this and thinking to yourself "What on earth possessed you to take this cross upon your shoulders?" This is the epic backstory in a longass post. If you don't want to read that, I tutor a kid, kid likes this show, I said I'd check it out, kid got really excited. Also, now that I've sunk too much life into this fresh pile of shit, I need to see it through to the end. Cannot BELIEVE we're six seasons in bro.

Fine. Okay. Sure

Lance and I are on the same page abt Lotor

Sure let's learn about the Galra whatever this is an acceptable exposition form of things

FINALLY LEARNED WHAT VREPIT SA MEANS

They really could've set up this Shiro Is Compromised bit much better but I am happy they've finally remembered they have to keep it going. Which presumably means it'll be resolved soon enough bc I don't think they have forethought skills on the level of consistent foreshadowing more than like. Half an episode.

Keith's hot mom omfg I'm giggling and kicking my feet and shit Keith shut up and do what she tells you

WOW the abyss is beautiful. It's gorgeous. Again, these artists man. They've really cooked up some of the most gorgeous visuals in service of MID.

Oh cool Shiro and Keith are going to fight.

KROLIA IS MOTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR waow

Whales in space bro. I fuck w it.

Choosing to believe that this yeehaw rootin of tootin man with an eyebrow slit was the one pregnant with Keith

I actually kinda like these flashbacks but they are still SO reliant on just telling us shit in it.

DOG SPACE DOG FLUFFY CUTE LIL SPACE DOG OH YES FABULOUS GIMME EIGHTY MILLION OF THEM WITH THIS TIME PASSING MONTAGE OH AND IT TELEPORTS OH DEUX EX PUPPY I LOVE YOU

Also lmfao they aged Keith up now they can Korrasami ending homo him with literally any of the guys in the cast no problem (if they do this it is LAZY writing)

Yay! D&D!

SHIRO JUST PLAYING HIMSELF IN D&D BITCH I KNOW YOUR TYPE OF PLAYER I KNOW WHAT TF YOU ARE love his lil tiara I LOVE HIM YOU FUCKING DORK

"I'm going to be a Paladin again" CRYING HE'S SUCH A NERD I WANNA SHOVE HIM IN A LOCKER AND GIVE HIM A HUG

Lance is a FURRY???????

PLEASE HOW MANY TIMES IS SHIRO GOING TO DIE (in D&D and fr in the show)

"I wanna be a Paladin again" DAMN RIGHT U DO BABY

New Heights Of Skill Issue

If they'd made Lotor seem even VAGUELY trustworthy these episodes would work much better

Again I CANNOT believe that this show sets up the fact that Voltron is acting at the behest of Lotor and NEVER explores it. Lotor is set up to be a fascie-lite colonial wannabe! They're working for the fucking ruler of this horrible empire when he's made NO real reform efforts! They've become a symbol for HIM too and the show does NOTHING with that and like. WHY????????? WHY NOT

That's Not How Welding Works I'm Not Even GOOD At Welding And I Can Tell You That

Allura is Jesus and she will die for our sins ig but also I'm PISSED at this show for what they've done to her so she can be with Lance man FOR FUCKING WHYYYYYY

Just because you've letting Keith's hot mom do the exposition doesn't mean I'm going to forget you're doing a LOT of exposition

KROLIA UR MAN IS MY WORST ENEMY

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING IT WITH MY HOT ALIEN QUEEN DOESN'T MEAN I FORGIVE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF EXPOSITION THROUGH FLASHBACK

ALSO THAT MAN??? MID. KROLIA PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ONE CHANCE ONE SINGULAR CHANCE

They're telling us Lance has never really liked someone that she's not like any other girl and like. YOU COULD'VE SHOWN US

Lance has Miami Cuban Energy [derogatory] in this episode (and yes before you get mad on my ass I am hispanic and no you don't get more details than that. Trust I know the Miami Cuban energy WELL and I have earned my ability to poke fun at them)

I'm just kinda annoyed at how much they've relied on TELLING us everything about Lance. HE'S OUR AUDIENCE STAND-IN! HE IS US! WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT HIM !!!!

Micexposition is STILL not forgivable to me

Do I think a D&D episode is a good use of our time when this season has six episodes, none character, and left exposition? No. But I like D&D so ig whatever

I'm screaming WE GET D&D EXPOSITION? WE NEED EXPOSITION TO FUCKING PLAY DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS? I COULD MAKE A BETTER D&D CAMPAIGN WITH THE CONCEPT OF THIS SHOW THAN THEY CAN MAKE A SILLY LITTLE D&D EPISODE IM SO

Lance is a FURRY???????

This was a massive waste of time but oh well I had a good time

THE SCIENCE TECHNOBABBLE IN THIS SHOW PISSES ME OFF SM FR GUYS I'M SO

Guys this show is so dumb. SOOOOOO dumb. But I do really like D&D. Dearly. Anyway let's discuss the Implications.

If, say, a competent, patient, and unskillissued writer were to look at Voltron, the easiest and by far smartest way to handle "Voltron aligns with Lotor" would be to have them interact with a previously subjugated planet rebelling from the empire. Have Voltron split off from Lotor who is doing some weird emperor shit, have Voltron go check it out, and have the locals respond VERY NEGATIVELY to Voltron because, well, they're with Lotor!

Have Voltron really get to grips with what they're coming to represent! Have them have to realize from the people they used to really help that they've become a symbol of the status quo of subjugation! The Omega Shield episode was such a waste of time bc it's highly conciliatory to the Galra.

When Lotor said "That's one of our labor planets" IT SHOULD'VE BEEN POINTED OUT THAT THEY CANONICALLY HAVE LABOR CAMPS! FOR PRISONERS!

Allura has been so nerfed to make her Need Lance and Lance has just been shuffled off into "Makes snarky comments at Lotor and mopes over Allura" territory (one of those is needed bc Lotor sorely needs someone to punch him) which sucks because again, I cannot stress enough, he's the audience character. We are supposed to get him. He is supposed to be our character.

Idk. Keith is just there now he's honestly kinda dead to me bc my loyalties are solely to his hot mom, but ig they aged him up bc they can't decide what to do with him. Which. Clearly. We can tell bub. I am intrigued by them finding Even More Alteans like sure what the hell why not but also let's get a GRIP bro and let's put ourselves together. The inevitable Shiro fight is happening this season because these writers can't fucking plan for more than 2 seconds without just doing it anyway.

The main thing I liked from this is just that Shiro really is a massive dork and he's a big nerd and I want to shove him in a locker or shove his head in a toilet or something wow he's adorable. Love him. I think it's a shame they haven't bothered to do too much with him on the whole in the way I think it's a shame they haven't bothered to do much with Keith the whole time. The only established interpersonal connection on this show and they've really squandered it by NOT HAVING ANYTHING HAPPEN.

We shall debrief at the end of this season which I intend to finish TODAY.

[buttercupblu]

one day, the clouds parted and an Angel tumbled down, falling all the way from the celestial sphere, but landing light as a feather in a bushel of white roses. she looked up at the sky—brushing off her darkened wings—and with squinting eyes, gazed at a kingdom so bright but so rigid and said with a calm breath, "well screw you, i didn't want to be a part of that snooze fest anyway." and promptly made her own Heavens on Earth.

(in no particular order...maybe)

one punch (OP)

jojo's bizarre adventure (JJBA)

jujutsu kaisen (JJK) (lowkey regret the day i pressed play on this🤭)

record of ragnarok (ROR)

eventually attack on titan (AOT) once i'm finished with it (Levi should've been in the harem 🧍🏾‍♀️)

Angel's Heavens and why she loves them:

🩷Buddha (ROR): this man is my Lord and personal savior—watch ROR if you don't know what i'm talking about. Buddha exudes peace in his every waking and sleeping moment but try him if you want to and earn a first-class trip to Nirvana 😘. his tongue game is BRAZY (you've seen the gif) and he loves to BITE. he makes sure we do yoga together every single morning to start our day and after making sure my back is nice and stretched out, he breaks it 🧘🏾‍♀️. but he always puts me back together with soft coos, humming purrs, and tender strokes. this man is my lock screen, my peace, my husband, my everything. i keep him fed and not just with food; he will never know hunger as long as i am alive 🤍

💜Geto (JJK): mymanmymanmymanmymanmyman. if Sugu asked me to have his kids, i would say "how many baby?" and i am clearly not mother material 🥴. my husband #2 that i would turn my back against the JJK world for in a heartbeat. he could call me a 🙈 and i would say thank you. in all realness, i get geto. i really do. my little alien, my little aquarius, he just wants justice at the end of the day—truly. not power, not dictatorship, just for things to be right, safe. there's something about his maternal instincts that lets me know he would take suchhhh good care of me—he's so careful, so understanding. i'd never have to lift a finger (except when i'm being a brat) and his Suave Commercial locs make me want to wrap them around my fist and pull. he has a face card that will never decline and baby, i keep on swiping 🤧|sidenote: i need his gender pls and ty

💜Choso (JJK): my pookie-wookie puppyboi boyfriend Cho, what would i ever do without you??? idk, there's something about Chosito that sets my motherly instincts on fire 🔥 . i want to love on him, nurture him, care for him, and absolutely reduce him to tears all in the same breath. he's such a family man, so full of love and kindness and security and i adore that about him. my soft and gentle man, i feel like he's a 70-30 sub-dominate switch but gIRL do not be fooled 😩—when that man loses all sense in that cute little pig-tailed head of his, you better have an icy pack and aftercare on standby 🧍🏾‍♀️

💚Josuke (JJBA): oooohmygAWD 😩 what isn't there to say about boyfriend #2, Josuke?? the hair, the moves, the suave looks, the no-bullshit attitude. besides Dio, baby invented jojo-posing like, kneel before your Leo king?? he's so cute and creative and such a quick thinker like omg part 4 had me STRESSED, but he gets his quick wits from his no-good cheating ass pappy 🤭. josuke keeps it real, calm, cool, and collected. he's a bit too forgiving (fk Okuyasu) but that's only because he has a 💗 bigger than his hair, and when im not spending hours styling it and getting him together in the morning, im daydreaming about his love, care, and cuddles i get every night. and if i ever hurt myself, he's quick to heal my boo-boos with magical kisses🤍

💚Narancia (JJBA): my silly little goof ball pup #2, omg he's so precious and innocent and deserves soooo much more 🥺. Narancia is just...pure unadulterated love in human form. he doesn't judge, he doesn't reject, he's a bit quick to anger but it's always deserved because look at him!! how could you be mean to such a precious little thing, he wouldn't hurt a fly (unprovoked). my baby's a little slow but what he doesn't have in genius, he makes up for with his heart. and that boy can dance and dress his ass off, lets fking goooo skintight leather steel-bone corset top 🗣️

🩷Sukuna (JJK): ok listen....hear me out...balance🧍🏾‍♀️. he brings balance. everyone else is muddled and normal, soft, or innocent but Kuna resides in the extremes, is the perfect polar-opposite of Choso, and rounds out the group with good ole fashion discipline 💪🏾 (read Exercising with Sukuna if you don't believe me). he's not my favorite to deal with because the man puts the ass in asshole bUT it's good for my soul to toughen up every now and then. if you want something done and you want it done right, ask Sukuna. he'll grumble and berate you the entire time but sh*t will get done and better than you ever thought it could be. .......he also has 4 arms, 2 dicks, and a stomach mouth—good fkin bye.

🩷Saitama (OP): he makes me laugh, there's not much more to say 🤣. the most normal out of the group and the most nonchalant. Saitama is literally my best friend who never takes anything seriously just like me. our favorite hobby we do together is literally grocery shopping and i will wake my ass up every saturday morning to be by his side as he spends way too much time comparing fruits and vegetables just to get the same things he does every time. he's also the strongest and would deck everyone on this list if it came to it (argue with the manga, not me 🐸☕️)

honorable mention: Levi (AOT) because this short king 👑 cares too much and gives no f**ks at the same time and has the best resting b*tch face/face card i've ever seen 🧍🏾‍♀️

🪽current fav fic written by Angel: God is Fair|Suguru Geto since you were young, you knew you were meant for each other. he comes into your life like a storm and grows closer no matter how distant you seem. he swells and captures your heart every time he's near. so why do you keep fighting him? angel's note: full of backstory, poetry, and tear-your-heart-out angst with one of the sluttiest, smuttiest part twos in existence

🪽current fav recommendation from another author: One, Two, Three (it's not only you and me)|STSG x Reader "what suguru is trying to avoid saying is the whole cliché of 'we saw you from across the bar and we really like your vibe'," the white-haired man says, gaze flickering down your body. he looks back up, making eye contact. "but it's true, so we were wondering if you'd like to join us for some fun," he says casually, blue eyes piercing. angel's note: and it comes with an AMAZING playlist yall wtf 😩🖤

🪽current fav song to write to: Cigarettes out the Window|TV Girl

🪽fav genres: [writing: nasty, slutty, toe-curling smutty smut, thrillers, enemies to lovers, coming of age]|[reading: psychological horror/thrillers🧍🏾‍♀️, silly goofy supernatural/sci-fy like John Dies at the End (an incredible series that will have you in tears from laughter, stg), dystopian fiction, fiction satire, coming of age/young adult, the classics (surprise)]

🪽hobbies: writing, reading, skating, graphic design, being outdoors as much a possible, being at peace

beats me 🤷🏾‍♀️

nah jk.

the real reason will forever remain a mystery, but i think it has something to do with connectedness.

the first major story i wrote was handwritten in the largest binder i could find in the 4th grade and was about fairies with elemental superpowers.

my first fandom was typed out on my mom's typewriter at her job and about 40/50 pages and was about the boyband B5 (shout tf out to you if yk who they are 🗣️).

both of these instances explored hobbies/interests that i was deeply into. i wanted to share my own take on these things that occupied so much of my time with others who also couldn't escape the clutches of favorites and fandom.

i also wanted to "escape" from a life i thought was dull and bland in favor of living in a world that was bright and full of color and literally in the palm of my hands.

now i do it just because i like to torture myself 🤍

i would create an entirely new world if i could, but i'll settle for pouring my heart out on tumblr

💗first and foremost, all of my characters are 18+. i don't really care for writing aged-up minor characters but when i do, it will be mostly fluff but they will be adults at the end of the day, especially when you consider real-world timelines.

💗smut: i know what you came here for 😏. this does include some more controversial dynamics like consensual non-consent (CNC), ageplay, petplay, power exchange (top, bottom, sub, dom, "slave", etc) rough play, but these writings will always come with tag warnings because everyone likes their tea different 😊

💗fluff: ofc everyone loves a bit of fluff. tis good for the heart to remember that you have one (not me though, y'all be safe)

💗angst 😈: there's nothing i love more than stirring the fictional pot. it hurts so good

💗long ass stories that are almost always projected to be under 8k but end up breaching 10k because i have no control over my life 🤠

💗i will write characters outside of my Heavens/top fandoms but i have to be familiar with those characters/show—keep that in mind in case i reject a future request

let's be civil little angels here

🚫hardcore gore/mutilation: love to read it but cannot write it. am baby

🚫unsafe fetishes: i am kink-shaming 💩, race play, STDs (god why does this need to be said), grApe, i n c e s t, necro, actual torture, etc.,

🚫cliche/exaggerated mental disorders: like saying someone who is very tidy has "OCD" or someone with mood swings is "bipolar"; those are incorrect stereotypes AND i am not licensed to give even fictional characters those diagnoses

🚫pregnancy: gasp, ik. but listen, i have no idea what it's like to be pregnant or have kids (other than my stuffies) nor envision that for myself because it does not seem like much fun 😅 and frankly, i don't really care for it as a plot point? i'd consider it maybe for a drabble request but no major plots

🚫anything else i may be uncomfortable with down the line. i don't have a lot of hard nos but people can get weird sometimes 👀

reblogs, likes, and comments = angel kisses and i have soft, plump lips so 👉🏾👈🏾

i'll eventually open up my asks for requests but this gojo fic (teaser here) is balding me and taking up alllll of my time right now. once they do open, i may be slow to fulfill requests but that's only because i care too much about making great content 🥺. until then, you can still blow up my inbox with reviews, recommendations, thoughts, nonsensical jibber-jabber, whatever; Come chat with the Harem

[rgs-savant-praytell-airor]

Eli Eli lemesabatchne

Never go* back

.

Cigg-Heart.cv-tyhomas pab.elden.gma

.

headscar robert

.

2012prt2wound gee

..........

Mother this is your son, this is your mother

Heaviness sorrow

1st born of egypt I am jospeh genius prodigy

Father forgive them they know not what they do

No & distress

Phallanx

Into your hands I commend my spirit

No war just peace

Athletes foot celebs

Dandruff blue

Ezcema Barrio fino

That make a man an offender over a word

Miracles are lies hence a wicked and adulterous generation seekers after a sign. The image.

C.i.a/thief1/kid

Fbi/thief2/leopard

Area 51/illuminati/barabbas

It is finished

Never again

Dream nation Scitz scitz scitz.

America

Pdf.2 birds 1 stone.

P.s.

Really without jesus you are a caveman, praytell the Bible is true only in America lol, turkey what have we done really a misunderstanding great peace if you aren't scitz.

You must be baptized for the remission of sins make that mustard seed grow, their is no fury in me ask the gs, blameless from the beginning, faabs heh. Think original sin and the ents and why venus is a wasteland.

Young messiah.

Rgs the alien peace deal if it is in you and you give birth to it, genetics a fickle thing my friend, both innocent and guilty both in the know and don't know, but think sober by faith we know redeem by his love,

A talking baby thus, eyes red as wine

Such as it was when I had rgs as a child, they removed the essence of depression aka the fear of hell, so whoever knew me was innocent and whoever grabbed my faith slowly and immediately as they heard and believed were not depressed, great peace the 90s, that was nutrient network subdued by flouride.

Immaculate teeth thus, blue beyond blue,

Then the flouride was rgs and all we had was hard earned faith the scriptures, getting to the root or the passing into the next life, rgs again and as I said above now considering the suicidal, weather self or others still the "angels" of death, but as I said they were all healed according to what they could know and thus believe always rooted in jesus christ mwahhh.

Rgs an element in your body goes missing and angels of God come to fuse into you and leave you the heir to their madness threw a little love bump pleasure a riddle in your DNA to heal the world's woes threw genetics thus rgs.

Bottom line threw the lineage of jesus christ sin which produced death was bred out weather baptized or not from the fury their original sin their caveman DNA which exists in duality of the root of holyness in life, always striving for love and peace yet waring for the same result,

Jesus no fool, he is the way the truth the life, the world so old it thinks it hates you but this is america united we stand in love, we're just confused and blessed,

Remember the dream their all in the mental hospital if c.t. was as stormed as when I came back and took upon the burden of the question why why in all its fullness and the pain of the scitz,

Now that we know stay cool and keep the secret, vote trump 2024 and have a good time.

Isaac miracle

Jacob image

Joseph nutrient network

Benjamin old man

Judas born again 2 2

Moses 2 eyes scitz

David spiritual

Solomon flesh paper scitz

Elijah flouride activation

Elisha fill*ing heh

[lokislittlesigyn]

Wake Me - Loki x Reader [Oneshot]

[My masterlist, where this and my other fics can be found]

Pairing: Loki / gender neutral reader

Warnings: Angst. But fear not, for fluff awaits!

Author’s Note: I have legitimately no idea if I’ll write more Loki x Reader; I never intended to write any because I don’t know the reader so I can’t characterize the reader but then I had a headcanon.. And then I had an idea...

And then I wrote this and I thought “hmm, I should challenge myself to do a New Thing?” and then this happened. Blame Loki, maybe? He seems to be behind a lot of this.

Is there any demand for a taglist of.. Possible future Loki x Readers? I dunno? Let me know.

This fic is loosely based off a song by the same name, which is also one of my favorite songs! Enjoy. <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn’t notice it at first.

Not for the first few days… Weeks? You weren’t sure how long it had been happening. How long Loki had been leaving your bed in the middle of the night.

Your apartment was a decent size - more than decent, considering the average size of a New York City apartment. Being a close friend and employee of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts (was it Stark now?) had its perks. The apartment had a bedroom, a bathroom across the short hall, a living room which doubled as your workspace, and a good-sized kitchen. Even had a washer and dryer at the end of the hall, tucked neatly into a little closet that also held a few of your coats. As an added luxury, there was a small - very small - balcony off the living room. Hardly big enough to stand on, it was nevertheless a wonderful spot to sit and watch the sun set over the city. You loved living there, in that cozy space you’d made your own, and eventually welcomed Loki into. 

Loki. Not exactly someone you’d intended to end up with. Then again, who intends to fall in love with a god?

Who intends to fall in love at all?

You’d met through friends of friends, and that was about the only mundane thing about your relationship. Said friends of friends were the Avengers for crying out loud, and the moment you saw Thor in person you nearly froze from shock. The moment you saw his brother, however, your heart practically leapt out of your chest and into the hand Loki reluctantly extended, per his brother’s direction.

You took his hand in your own, trying not to tremble as you shook it. You gave your name. He gave his. You parted ways. A mundane interaction, right?

But again, few things about your relationship were mundane.

You would’ve written it off as a simple, regular greeting if Loki hadn’t found you later as you skulked along the edges of Tony’s huge party. You knew the hosts, of course, and some of the other guests - but everything was so big and frightening and new you hardly knew what to do with yourself. 

How were you, a regular human, supposed to deal with all… That? Heroic wasn’t a word you’d really use to describe yourself. Let alone super-heroic - that title was reserved for the incredible individuals around you, whose personalities and achievements eclipsed your own. You mulled over the thought, drink still clutched firmly in hand, but untouched.

And that was when Loki commented on the fact you looked “nearly as miserable as he felt.” You couldn’t help but blush a little and laugh at the comment. You quipped something back - something about misery loving company, and Loki’s eyebrows raised. His expression gave little else away, though. It hardly ever did.

It wasn’t until many months after the party, after you and Loki had gotten to know each other better and started dating, that he whispered the truth to you: the idea that anyone would be gladder with him around than with him gone, was astonishing to him. He could hardly believe it.

But when it came to you? He believed you.

You had no reason to lie to him. No need to impress him, or earn his favor, or act cordially for fear of an Asgardian royal. You were safe at that party, and you were safe when you visited him at the Avengers compound - you had no reasonable ulterior motives. Nothing to hide.

And, likewise, he had no reason to actively hide things from you, now that you lived together and you knew about his past, about his parentage.

Or, you thought he had no reason to hide things from you…

So why was he leaving you at night?

The first night you truly noticed it was on a dark, cool night of spring. 

You’d left the bedroom window open while you fell asleep, and upon waking up thought to yourself, still under a veil of sleepiness, that you should probably get up and close it. But as your eyes opened and adjusted to the dark, you noticed two things.

First, the window was closed, the curtains completely drawn. 

Second, the place next to you, where Loki usually lie, was empty. Completely empty, the bed covers pushed toward you to help keep you warm. Still half-asleep, your hand smoothed over the sheets to his spot - cold. He’d been gone a while. 

You squinted to see through the crack in your bedroom door, but couldn’t make out if the bathroom light was on. Maybe he’s in there.. You shrugged to yourself, flipping back over and nuzzling into your pillow. You’d meant to stay awake until he returned, just to be sure he was okay, but sleep quickly washed over you again.

When you woke up the next morning, you realized you definitely should’ve been able to see if the bathroom light was on, had it been on, so Loki couldn’t have been in there. He was never one for midnight snacking, as far as you could tell, so he probably wasn’t in the kitchen.

The more you thought about it, the more it bothered you. You tried to brush it aside - after all, Loki was a very private person, slow to trust or to show much emotion. He was vulnerable with few people... Maybe only one person - you. The trust between you had been hard-won, and you loved every new piece of himself he showed you. 

He also enjoyed quiet time, often spent with books. Reading, writing notes, sometimes even napping in the safety of your apartment, his forgotten book on his chest as he lie draped across the couch, his lanky limbs hanging off the edges. You really needed a bigger couch.

Yes, you assured yourself. Loki just needed time alone every now and then. Everyone did, right? 

You tried to ignore it, you truly did. 

But later, it happened again. 

You woke up to an empty bed, a dark room, and the door pulled to. This time you could swear you saw a light coming from the other room, so this time you figured he was in the bathroom and once again you succumbed to sleep.

~~~~

The morning after, you woke up to your regular routine: Get up, get dressed, make coffee for two, eat some sort of breakfast, and get to work. Work didn’t exactly have a set location - that close friendship with the Starks stemmed from having worked with Pepper for years, and now since you worked for Stark Industries, you enjoyed several perks. 

Sometimes Pepper brought you in on-site, other times (more often than not, considering the fact you had an ex-villain alien god to worry about… and not everyone was convinced about the ex part) you simply received work on your secure Stark-tech computer and worked remotely. From home, from a cafe, even from the Avengers compound when you visited. (You had a room there, too - as did Loki. Courtesy of Tony.)

So as you sat with your laptop in front of you on your desk, the window cracked to let some air in, you started the day. Coffee in hand, a half-eaten croissant next to you.

Loki stood next to you, sipping his own coffee. 

He liked to watch you work. Liked to distract you from work too - he wasn’t the god of mischief for nothing.

“Sleep well?” He broke the silence first.

You took another bite of breakfast. “Yeah. You sleep okay?”

He shifted his weight. “Fine.”

“You sure?”

His hand touched your shoulder, as if to reassure you. “Just fine. How long are you working today?” His fingers smoothed their way from your shoulder to your clavicle and back - slowly, rhythmically. 

“I literally just got started,” you muttered a soft laugh, and he chuckled in turn.

“But I like spending time with you.”

“Well I like spending time with you, too. But work is important.”

“Would it be less important if I gave Stark something better to worry about than..” Loki leaned over, scrutinizing the screen, “Interview paperwork?”

You raised your eyebrows at him. “Loki, do not attack my boss, please.”

“I said nothing about attacking him.”

“Loki.”

“Yes, love?” He smiled down at you. You huffed - he had no right to be this charming, nor this cute - but that worry was still gnawing at you. Why had he left last night? 

“Are you sure you slept okay?”

He paused a moment, then smiled - but it seemed forced. “Yes. I slept just fine - do you need to talk about something..?”

“You left.. In the middle of the night, I woke up and you were gone.”

He swallowed. “I hadn’t realized you were awake - forgive me.” His hand slid down your shoulder, to your arm - and then away. “It was just a bit of restlessness, darling, you mustn’t worry.” He kissed the top of your head, then straightening up, raised his coffee mug to his lips again. “I’ll leave you to that.. Riveting work of yours… Let me know if you ever need a welcome distraction.”

“You’re always welcome,�� you smirked slightly. You weren’t convinced he was only restless but.. Maybe he was. Who knew? Loki was a mystery to many. You’d try to believe him, at least.

“Am I?” He grinned. “Then I’ll be sure to distract you often.” With a small wink, he turned and left.

~~~~

The next time you noticed it, it seemed later in the night. And this time, you heard something too. Crying. Talking - like a whisper, barely audible past the soft sobs.

The door was cracked again, but had swung a bit more open than the times before. That must be the source of the sound...

Resolved to figure out what was going on, you slid out of bed. Tried to stay quiet as you walked to the door and peered out.

There was faint light coming from the living room. A silhouette on the wall showed Loki’s position - in front of the balcony, the street lights casting his shadow. You inched down the hallway, stopping just before you reached the living room.

“...Mother, you would. I just know it. (Y/N) is endlessly beautiful, and intelligent, and… and kind…” Loki was sitting in the floor, his back to you. Dressed in the same clothes he usually wore to bed - loose pants and a comfortable green shirt. His long black hair was messy, and his body shook with sobs.

The door to the balcony was open, allowing a cool night breeze to drift in. An occasional car drove by, or plane flew overhead, but Loki was focused on the stars.

“Just like you. But I, I don’t.. I don’t deserve it. Any of it-” his voice cracked, “And I miss you.”

Your heart broke. You made your way across the living room, quietly, carefully. 

“I miss you every day,” Loki continued, shaky hands brushing hair back from his face, then gripping it in agony. “I-I wish we could speak, we could.. See each other.. That you could see me - see us, but... You’re not here.”

“Loki?” you muttered, and he inhaled sharply, turning around. 

Now you could clearly see the tears streaming down his face. His mouth was slightly open, but he closed it, his lips pressed into a thin line. 

“I- ... Darling, you shouldn’t be up at this hour,” He stood, blinking away his tears. “Go back to bed.”

You stood your ground, but tried to pick your words carefully. He looked so vulnerable, standing there in the dark, still trying to steady himself.

“No, something’s clearly wrong. Loki... How long has this been going on?”

“It doesn’t matter..”

“Yes it does.” You moved closer. He twitched - but let you approach, let you reach up to brush a tear off his cheek. More fell as he pressed his face against your palm, relishing the touch. His brows pressed together, he looked as though he could break at any time.

“Weeks,” he whispered.

“Oh, Loki..” You embraced him. He welcomed it, his arms wrapping around you, clutching you close to his shaking chest. He moved to lower himself and you followed, the both of you slowly sitting on the ground, you tucked against him, his body trembling with sobs.

Tears pricked in the corners of your eyes. What had this long life done to him?

How many nights had he cried alone?

It was several minutes before either of you spoke again. Loki calmed, his nose finding a comfortable place nestled against your hair, and his breath eventually steadied. His grip loosened. The crying slowed.

“I-I’m sorry.. I’m sorry I left you,” He gulped. “This is the only way I can talk to her anymore.”

You pulled away to see his face. Tilted your head. “Her..?”

Loki’s eyes met yours. “Frigga. My mother. She..” He couldn’t bring himself to say the next word.

“I remember.” You nodded slowly.

He’d told you a while ago that his mother had died, after Thor had brought up their parents. But he never said how. 

Loki clenched his jaw. “It… It was my fault, it was all my fault-” He settled into another bout of crying.

“Loki, love - that can’t be true. I-I don’t know everything about your life,” You cupped his face, bringing him to look at you. He sniffed, swallowing again. “I don’t. I wasn’t there for all of it. But I know you. And I know you would never, ever harm your mother.”

“But I did, I did- that monster, I told it how to escape - I told it how to reach her. And it did, and she-” He stopped himself, biting the inside of his cheek. His breath grew shaky again as he forced himself to speak. “There was a funeral. I wasn’t allowed to attend - Odin would never allow that. He barely wanted me alive in the first place,” he hissed, his face contorted with rage for a moment, before relaxing again. “I found out after. By then her body had returned to the stars..” Loki turned to the outside again.

Moonlight graced his skin, highlighting the tears still glistening on his cheeks. His eyes searched the heavens, as though begging for a sign - something real, something palpable, something to tell him she was out there. 

“Loki, I’m.. I’m so sorry. But it’s not your fault. It’s not.” You spoke as gently yet firmly as you could. Giving a monster - whatever it was - directions (you figured it was to spite the Asgardians who imprisoned him) didn’t equate to murder. He hadn’t intended it to play out that way, after all. But you could understand the guilt behind it.. And you hated the fact he’d carried that burden alone.

He stayed quiet. Pulled you closer, his chin on your shoulder, his eyes still trained on the sky. 

“I wish she could meet you.” he confessed, his head leaning against your own. His arms still firm around you, his hands finding yours - your fingers intertwined. “She’d love you.”

“I’d like to meet her, too. But maybe she can see us now.” You moved closer to him, your thumb stroking his hand. You felt Loki smile next to you - it was small, and fragile, but it was there.

“Perhaps she can,” he murmured. 

“Maybe she can see how happy you are - you’re happy, aren’t you?” You glanced at him. He kissed your temple, staying cuddled up against you. 

“Happier than ever. I.. Thank you, love. Thank you for finding me. I hadn’t the heart to, to ask you to join me… I’d hate to wake you.”

“Loki, you’re important to me. I love you, remember?” You turned, facing him fully, your back to the open door. “Can you promise me something?”

His brow furrowed slightly, but he seemed willing to listen, watching you intently.

“Promise me, if you’re lonely, wake me.”

Tears glistened in his eyes again. He nodded, slowly, and managed a soft smile.

“Yes, my love,” he murmured. “I promise.”

[rabbitrah]

Treasured Hatred

When I moved to a new town when I was 11, I had never really experienced bullying. I was a weird kid and had experienced people saying mean stuff to me, but my elementary school had a cohesive anti-bullying plan, so it was never a real issue.

Then I went to a new school. These kids were fresh from an elementary school that definitely did not have a cohesive anti-bullying program. They existed in an iron-clad social hierarchy with clearly marked Undesirables at the bottom who were routinely tortured and humiliated by the Social Elites. Talk about culture shock.

I was quickly sized up by my peers and shuffled towards the bottom of the social ranks. There were about 4-5 kids beneath me, but I was still quite a ways from the middle. I observed my classmates carefully, trying to understand this sixth grade dystopia I had just landed in.

There was one girl who was the unquestionable leader and the biggest bully. She had a circle of friends, and beneath them were the kids who weren't her friends, but who had their own clout and she didn't pick on. Then there were those on the bottom of the pile. Generally they either looked or acted differently from others. Most were ND, I'm sure. These kids formed a loose friend group, but I avoided them, sensing that it was safer to eat alone rather than join them.

When the Social Leader started to pick on someone, often out of nowhere, her peers were quick to back her up. Often the middle-rung kids would also pitch in, until almost the entire class would single out to taunt one particular person. I became one of her targets as well, for a time. I wasn't attacked as persistently as some others, but she'd routinely pick something arbitrary about me to mock. I remember one day she made me cry because I said my favorite color was purple.

Others didn't have it so easy. Once, during a game of dodgeball, one of the lowest-rung kids made the mistake of complaining about something the Social Leader had done. One of the middle-crust kids overheard and went over to report this like they were a member of the secret police or something. She immediately stormed over to confront him. She called him names and told him what a terrible person he was. Her friends backed her up. The middle crust kids backed her up. He started to cry. She said, "Why are you crying? I'm the one who should he crying! YOU did this!"

Later in the girl's locker room, they continued to talk about what a terrible person he was, how dare he, what a cry baby, etc. The thing that shocked me most of all was that one of the bottom crust girls, a favorite target of the Elites and someone who I had thought was his friend, joined in. The Social Leader was delighted by her contribution. The girl didn't earn a higher ranking in the hierarchy, but she did get a brief spotlight of approval, and basked in it. I felt nauseous.

My own social salvation came when I made a friend in the other sixth grade class. She was a star soccer player with social skills and thus had full immunity from bullying. This girl, who would later become my best friend, was tough as nails. At the age of eleven she had learned to stare down and scare off anyone who approached her with even slightly taunting energy. For many years after I would be almost embarrassingly grateful to her from rescuing me from being an eternal outcast.

My new friendship gave me something to hold onto, but she was in another class and couldn't protect me most of the time. A memorable event included the Social Leader leading our warm-ups in PE. (Literally, where was our gym teacher?) She made us run laps in the gym basement with the lights off. I found it extremely scary and asked if she'd turn them on. She laughed at me for being afraid of the dark and taunted me for the rest of class. Eventually I cried, which she also found funny. Still, having a friend meant that I wasn't alone in the universe. I had someone I could talk to after school who would nod knowingly and then talk ask if I wanted to watch X-men.

Things were much better in the seventh grade. My best friend was in the same class as me. So was social leader, but she couldn't get near me anymore. When I stood by my best friend, I imagined that there was a forcefield emanating from her. I was protected. We had a few other friends as well, book worms who were less concerned about seeming cool. The social hierarchy was changing.

Close to the end of the year I had to work on a group project with my old bully, one of her friends, and the most bullied kid in our grade. While we were working, he said something innocuous, and she started mocking him and saying it was stupid. Her friend started to laugh along with her. Their target was getting red in the face. I remembered the way she'd made so many kids cry for no reason, confident that everyone around her would either join in or stay silent. I hated her so much, and in that moment, even without my best friend's forcefield to protect me, I wasn't afraid.

I looked her straight in the eye with my coldest stare and said "That's not funny." The energy shifted dramatically. I defended what their target had said. There was silence. Pure loathing flowed from her to me and I sent it right back. She wanted to put me back in my place, I know she did, but I hadn't been a target of hers in a year. She looked over at her friend, who wasn't laughing anymore. He said, "Oh, yeah. I guess I can see that now." My old bully was mortified.

I don't remember what happened after that, just the roar of victory in my ears. I finally understood it. She was still a miserable little sadist, but the source of her power was the people around her, and I was one of those people. When I saw her edging in for the kill, I had the power to knock the knife out of her hand, and now I knew that none of her friends would jump in to stop me.

By the eighth grade the social dynamic had completely shifted into three distinct camps: Hers, mine, and the boys, who had segregated themselves for some reason and owed allegiance no one. Happily, there didn't seem to be any more outcasts. The boys who had been bullied were now a member of the Boys. The girls who had been outcasts were absorbed into our group. Looking a certain way, dressing a certain way, and social awkwardness weren't grounds for alienation any longer. I don't know if she was even the leader of her group anymore.

None of this felt as tangible or serious by the time we were in high school. There were easily four times as many people and we all started to exist in nebulous, overlapping friend groups. My old bully wasn't particularly popular or noteworthy anymore, but I never stopped hating her. I kept the memories of the fear and emotional pain she'd inflicted in my pocket and I was careful not to lose them.

The last time I saw her, we were 21. I was having a drink in our town's pub with my roommate, someone who I went to our high school but I'd gotten close to only later. My old bully walked in and saw my roommate. They'd been on a team together, gone to a few parties together. She made a beeline for our table with a "Hey girl!" eager to catch up. She only recognized me afterwards. We acknowledged each other and she went back to chatting with my roommate. When she said goodbye, she moved in to give me a hug. I hugged her back.

I wonder if she ever remembers the things she used to do and say as a child. Does she remember it at all?I can remember how much I hated her, but now my anger has a different target. Where were the adults in our lives for all of this? Why did her family fail to teach her how to be kind? Where were her teachers in grades k-8 who failed to notice this behavior and create a plan to combat it in a healthy way? Why didn't any adults step in when kids were being tormented for their appearance and neurodivergences?

I don't know why I'm writing about this now. I was rummaging through my pockets and found that old hate, I guess. I never did lose it. But I'm casting it out now. It's easy to say that children are cruel, but more accurate to say that they don't have to be, not when the adults in their lives show them how to forge a kinder road. I hope my old bully, an adult woman now, found that road at some point. I hope she's walking it, and I hope that she has people with her who love her. If she remembers any of it at all, I hope she forgives herself.

You were a child, and someone should have been looking after you too.

[antagonistchan]

i started playing Mass Effect: Andromeda yesterday.

i got a download code for it for christmas like two years ago and just finally redeemed it.

now, for years, i’ve been saying this: “i know that people don’t like Andromeda- it’s very hard to avoid that- but i’ve done my best to avoid looking further into why people don’t like Andromeda because i want to form an opinion for myself. lots of people don’t like Mass Effect 3 either and i fucking adore that game. based on the fact that most people don’t like Andromeda and consider it a total joke but i do see that it has its fans in the Mass Effect tag, i expect that it’s gonna be bad, but i’m gonna like it anyways, though not as much as i like the trilogy.”

and i was absolutely right. so far at least.

it’s definitely not the worst. i mean, unless the question is “the worst Mass Effect game”, in which case, yeah, it is the worst. but that’s not saying much considering the other three are collectively my favorite game of all time.

so, Mass Effect: Andromeda is an extremely flawed game. but it’s not completely worthless like some people say (though i can totally understand why someone would dismiss it as worthless).

it’s pretty ugly (it’s got good lighting, but the animations and textures and human models all look really.... off. and the original version of ME1 was also pretty ugly, but in a charmingly primitive 2007 kinda way; Andromeda’s ugliness lacks that charm, especially since the aforementioned good lighting makes it fail to feel particularly primitive). speaking of the animations, aside from them looking off, a lot of them are extremely stiff and borderline unfinished.

the Angarans as a species are also pretty ugly imo, but 1: that’s extremely subjective, i’ve definitely seen people who are thirsty for Angarans, and 2: that’s also not necessarily a complaint. Angarans just Look Like That. who says these aliens need to conform to our ideals of prettiness. and they’ve got cool stuff going on. Jaal’s neat.

i do like the Remnant. they kinda give off that same precursor vibe as Prothean/Reaper tech without feeling like exactly the same thing again, and it’s pretty interesting that they only disappeared within the last few hundred years rather than 50,000 years ago. and there’s a lot more left of them. they’re somewhat derivative of the Forerunners from Halo, but not too extremely.

now, the aliens i do have an issue with are the Kett. they are so extremely derivative. not only are they derivative of things outside of Mass Effect (i know next to nothing about Warframe and even i can tell that they’re visually a total ripoff of Warframe, and also to an extent Halo), but they’re derivative of things Mass Effect already had, too (gee, an evil race that creates its soldiers by corrupting members of other races? no, that’s not like the Reapers at all).

the game’s writing is mostly fine. nothing’s struck me nearly as hard as anything in the trilogy had this far in (for any of the three games), but the story hasn’t offended me too badly and there’s been stuff i’ve liked. Alec Ryder’s a cool dead mentor character and i did emotionally resonate with him sacrificing himself to save my character’s life, Andromeda manages to bring back a lot of the hard sci-fi elements that ME2 and ME3 both scaled back on from ME1, and i really like the whole disaster scenario that Andromeda inherently presents, and how it makes space feel really big and dangerous in ways the trilogy liked to hint at but never fully explore.

not sure how i feel about the combat yet. largely because of the game’s pacing, and there’s a complaint. the trilogy was pretty good at keeping you on your toes, balancing the combat/exploration gameplay with the downtime gameplay. Andromeda... doesn’t really. it’ll spend way too long on the combat/exploration stuff so i’ll easily start getting bored with it, and then it’ll spend way too long on the downtime stuff so i’ll easily start begging to actually try out the new combat/exploration stuff i’m getting during the downtime, and on top of this, it also means i’m having a really hard time adjusting to the combat. i’m not really having that much fun with the combat yet, but i feel like there’s a very good chance it’s because i just haven’t gotten the hang of it yet (especially coming right off the tail of another playthrough of the original trilogy, a series of games i replay literally every year and have since 2013 so i know them like the back of my hand). the idea of Profiles is interesting, at least.

the Tempest is a cool ship. i had it introduced to me as “a shitty version of the Normandy” and that’s not really fair. yeah, the Normandy’s cooler, but the Tempest is cool too. honestly, i found myself comparing it more to the Normandy SR-1 than the SR-2. It has a much more similar vibe (i mean, hell, you don’t need to go through any loading screens to see the entire ship, and it’s not all centralized around a single elevator). the windows are really really silly from an in-universe perspective but i can forgive that, especially since it’s finally fulfilling the promise that i mistakenly thought some vague blurry ME1 art made years ago- a central ops chamber with a full window view of the top part of the ship. and it’s pretty. Ryder’s bedroom is a lot nicer than Shepard’s, it’s a bedroom that’s much more my speed. i also think it’s funny that they had to rename the Tempest gun so the names didn’t conflict.

and then there’s the characters, and.... i mostly like them.

i’m a little mixed on Cora. she seems a little passive-aggressive. Drack is just store brand Wrex, but that’s not really a bad thing. i mean, could you live up to Urdnot Wrex? no, you couldn’t. so Drack doesn’t offend me, i like him. Tann absolutely sucks but he’s clearly supposed to suck.

but then you’ve got the characters who are on two opposite ends of the spectrum of likability: Vetra and Peebee.

holy shit Peebee sucks and i don’t want anything to do with her. she was one of those things i wasn’t able to avoid hearing about and yeah she sucks just as much as everyone said she does.

Vetra, meanwhile? i adore Vetra so much. i love her. the moment i met her, i just HAD to look her up on the wiki to see if i could romance her, and i was so elated when i saw she was an available bi romance.

and for that matter, i was soon pretty happy to discover the game’s selection of romances: three exclusively straight romances (Cora, Liam, Avela), two exclusively gay romances (Gil and Suvi), and five bi romances (Jaal, Vetra, the witch, Keri, and someone i haven’t met yet named Reyes). that’s a pretty solid mix! especially when the two straight romances are two humans and an Angaran, the two gay romances are both human, and the bi romances are two Asari, a female Turian, a human, and another Angaran. i think i’d adjust it slightly by making one of the straight romances bi, but aside from that, that’s... kinda perfect! this feels really well thought-out, like they tried to make the mix perfect (hell, making one of the Angarans exclusively straight but another one bi feels like they were trying to provide a serious cultural clue for them- namely, that sexual identity is a concept they have)! it’d also be perfect if everyone was bi, but perfect in a different way (pro: you don’t have to worry about sexuality at all, con: it’s kinda boring).

anyways, back to Vetra. it’s a little early to say, since i’ve barely even explored her romance, but........ while probably not my favorite romance (it’d take a lot to dethrone that current champion, Traynor, let alone the other high scorers Garrus and Tali), she’s probably pretty high up there. sassy Turian lady who plays dirty to get things done? hell, i love the Garrus romance so much despite being a lesbian, so i’m absolutely all for my character romancing a Turian with a dark side, and now we get someone other than Garrus to fill that role, and a lady at that! ME1 and ME2 didn’t have any female Turians and ME3 didn’t have nearly enough, and then ME:A just has so many. the same goes for female Salarians, too, actually, but it’s more understandable in-universe for Salarians considering how Salarian gender works. anyways, there’s more that i love about Vetra besides “she’s Garrus 2 but a girl now”, a lot more actually, but that core idea is really enough to get you on board with her, really.

(speaking of Garrus though, he was also the focal point of one of the game’s stupidest moments: at some point Ryder says “An impatient rookie, frustrated with procedure? That's overdone.” which like..... that’s clearly supposed to be making fun of Garrus?? who’s like, the literal most popular character in the franchise???? i’m sorry??? what??? it’s like they’re trying to piss the fandom off intentionally, and “creators intentionally trying to piss their fandom off” generally don’t earn much respect from me unless they’re indie, and even then it’s a tough sell)

but that Garrus thing is cancelled out by another cool thing: the Nexus. the core idea of the Nexus seems to be “the Andromeda Initiative decided to build their own Citadel”, and that’s really fucking cool. it’s interesting to see the challenges of getting something like the Citadel actually up and running, and the Nexus itself is pretty interesting, especially in comparing and contrasting between it and the Citadel. also it has a room dedicated to teaching any local species about the various Milky Way races, and it’s all technically accurate but also a little overly generous in how positive some things are (“Turian culture is proof that peace will always win out!” “Humans may be diverse, but we choose to celebrate that diversity rather than let it divide us!”). and also i love that they actually let you listen to the info about humans as if you weren’t a human yourself because one of my favorite things about ME worldbuilding is how much it feels like humanity is just another one of the races that exists in this world, and humanity are really only the “protagonists” of the story because Shepard/Ryder is human.

[neonthewrite]

Bike Ride

( This was a contest prize for the Trust Contest held over on DA. I’m trying to catch up with all my sites for writing! Read time approx. 5-10mins )

“Why aren’t we going in the car-thing again?”

Bowman’s voice, close to Jacob’s ear thanks to the sprite’s cautious perch on his shoulder, rang clear with skepticism. In response, Jacob smirked and shrugged his shoulder just enough to bob the tiny sprite up and down once. “I thought you were tired of the car after the drive all the way here,” he pointed out.

Bowman’s tiny boots shifted as he flinched to keep his balance. Once certain he wouldn’t fall, one leafy wing slapped Jacob’s neck. “I was,” he insisted. “But if we’re going somewhere outside, I’d rather not be seen, and you can’t run fast enough to keep me out of sight.”

“It’s true,” Jacob lamented. “But I’m not planning on running there. Lemme just show you.”

He considered that fair warning for the front door of the house to open up. Jacob stepped onto the small front porch and paused to assess the world outside. A slight breeze cooled off the warm day, and only a few clouds drifted around overhead. The tidy lawns of the neighborhood, some littered with kids’ toys, grew verdant and green and so much more restrained than the plant life of Bowman’s home forest.

Jacob had been personally scolded for that, of course. As though he personally had made lawns so common.

Before Bowman could start up another lecture about the square patches of grass and over-pruned trees, Jacob stepped around the side of the house where his bicycle waited.

“What is that thing?” Bowman blurted again, though he had settled himself among the folds of Jacob’s hood. “It looks like it fell apart.”

A laugh spilled out of Jacob as he grabbed the bike from its lean against the house. “It’s a bicycle. It’s faster than walking and not as big and clunky as taking the car.”

He could practically feel the tiny glare of Bowman’s eyes narrowing skeptically. “You can ride around on this?”

“Sure, dude. Check it out if you want, but once we get going you’ll have to hide out in my hood like we planned.”

An indignant little scoff preceded the fluttering of Bowman’s wings. Jacob flinched his head to the side to avoid getting slapped too much, but Bowman was quick. A flash of green swooped down to land on the bike seat.

At four inches tall and dressed in the earthy greens and browns of the forest, Bowman couldn’t look more out of place on the faux-leather of the bicycle seat. His hands on his hips, he turned so he could observe first the handlebars of the human contraption, and then the back perch for a bag. He wandered to the edge to frown over the side at the pedals and spokes, forming an opinion that Jacob expected to hear soon enough.

“There’s no way those thin metal bits actually hold up a human,” Bowman pointed out, waving a hand and a wing at the front tire. “Can’t you bend those with just your hands, giant?”

Jacob shrugged and nudged at the spokes of the tire with his boot. “I mean, probably? But they don’t bend when I get on the bike. I’m pretty sure there’s something about how it’s made that makes sure I’m not putting all my weight on one spot.”

Bowman frowned as skeptically as ever and opened his wings to hop down onto the crossbar. Amazingly, he kept his balance on the rounded silver metal, and squatted down to get an even closer look at the rest of the frame. “If you say so, Jacob. What are all these bits on the bottom of the seat?”

“Huh? Oh, those are so I can adjust the height of the seat if I need to. So if someone shorter wanted to ride the bike they’d still be able to reach the ground.”

As expected, he weathered another glare for that. Bowman never forgave Jacob for being tall even for a human. "Of course even your spindly machine is too big for other giants," he complained. "What else?"

Jacob smirked and refrained from listing the many things in his everyday life that didn't match his height, from doorways to showers to kitchen counters; the human world, with all its strange sights and baffling machines, wasn’t made with people Jacob’s size in mind, no matter what Bowman said.

He offered Bowman a hand. Ferrying the sprite back to his shoulder, he dismissed the concern. It would be an amusing story for later. "Not much I can do about it, dude," he said, pausing to give Bowman ample time to take his perch again. "Get yourself situated. I don't want you falling out on the way there."

"I won't fall!" Ever the contrarian, Bowman took the last word before sidling along Jacob's shoulder. Keeping his balance was tricky, so Jacob tried to stay as still as he could, not even moving his shoulders in time with his breathing. A small tug of fabric later told him that Bowman had safely hopped into the hood of his jacket, squirming around to settle himself comfortably. In lieu of calling out, Bowman pointedly kicked at Jacob's back, right between the shoulders.

It was a strange arrangement, but it would work. Bowman stayed hidden and Jacob didn’t have to worry about someone noticing a small, strange shape in his pocket.

Jacob led the bike onto the lawn before hopping onto the seat. He paused in case Bowman would have something to say about riding around in his hood. Luckily, the would-be hammock of fabric seemed to pass inspection. Jacob kicked off the grass, and they were off.

Then Bowman shouted something, but the wind snatched his voice away without Jacob knowing what he said. With no frantic struggles in the hoodie and no panicked yells from behind his head, Jacob continued down the street on his way to his goal. Bowman might complain about the less than smooth ride, but he would probably forgive it. Probably.

He coasted past familiar houses and cars with a new perspective. Everything around him, easily taken for granted by the humans living there, made up an alien landscape for Bowman.

Hopefully the park a few blocks over would offer some familiarity.

It wasn’t a long ride, and during that time he only saw one other person walking their dog on the other side of the street. As he reached the park, no one was around yet. Jacob chained up his bike near the first marker of the trail that wound through the area. "Almost there," he promised. From the looks of things, no one else had come to the park that day. Angling towards the nature trail, Jacob double checked his assumption.

"I think you can peek now, if you want to."

The tiny weight in Jacob's hood squirmed. A few mumbled sprite curses followed until Bowman actually managed to hoist himself up to the edge. "--blasted heavy?!" He wasn't a skilled climber by any standard, so Jacob was impressed that he'd freed himself without help.

"What was that?" Jacob teased as Bowman scrambled up to his shoulder. "Wanna just use my pocket next time?"

"Pray to a rock!" Bowman's wings rustled once he had his footing again. "What's…"

Jacob wished he could see the look on Bowman's face as the complaints tapered off. With a smirk, he took a branch in the trail that would give the play area and its cluster of gazebos a wide berth. "Whatcha think, Bowman? Wanna try the nature trail?"

A wing twitched against his neck. "Nature trail?" Bowman echoed skeptically. "What are those colorful things over there? Do humans live there?" Thankfully, his curiosity didn't carry him right off the safety of Jacob's shoulder.

"Those are--"Jacob chuckled despite himself. "No, those are for kids to play on. They can climb and run around on them."

"Why are they so bright? They stand out even more than most human stuff!”

Jacob might have shrugged, but let a thoughtful hum convey it instead. "I think it just makes the kids happy. Colorful things are fun, I guess."

"Hmm." Bowman accepted the answer without arguing, which Jacob counted as a win. "Do you play around on things like that?"

"Nah. They're made for little kids and I don't want to scare anyone off. I did when I was little, though."

Bowman barked out a quiet laugh. "Right. When you were a little giant." His wings rustled again. "I can't picture it."

Jacob sighed and this time did shrug his shoulder. "Just gonna have to take my word for it, then. I had to do a lot of growing to get so giant."

Bowman scoffed and finally hopped from his perch to glide ahead of Jacob. The thicker growth of trees on the nature trail opened up before them, and suddenly Bowman fit right in with their surroundings. He alighted on a thin branch and Jacob paused to hear his question. "So this is your nature trail?"

"Yep. No over-pruned trees or square lawns past this point. And we have it all to ourselves." Jacob settled his hands in his hoodie pocket and thanked his luck. Bowman needed a chance to fly, and couldn't safely do it in the backyard at home. "So, What's the verdict?"

"Verdict? I don't know. It's better than the trees near your dwelling. There's actual blasted foliage here." Bowman gestured a wing at the undergrowth trying to claim the stones of the pathway.

"Yeah! I like walking out here, " Jacob agreed.  He put action to words and continued the trek, with Bowman fluttering to a new branch to follow. "Closest thing to a forest I have nearby."

Bowman snickered. "Oh, I'm sorry for that. Sounds rough."

"Take pity on me," Jacob lamented. "All the work it takes to go see a real forest. You saw how long we were in the car."

Bowman scoffed. "With a machine that fast, you earn no pity at all, human."

The further they went into the secluded cluster of trees, the clearer it became that no one else was around to spot Bowman. Thus emboldened, the sprite banked into the air to dart about in the canopy, brushing his wings against leaves as he went. It wasn't quite the same as Wellwood. Here, the trees stood farther apart, especially close to the trail. Fewer wild flowers grew on the ground, and the calls of birds were subdued. In the distance, cars rumbling on the road broke any illusion of being away from everything.

Bowman drifted closer as Jacob stopped on a bridge overlooking a creek. Algae wavered in the current, not quite hiding the cement creek bed that gave it away as man-made.

"How do humans make those stones so... smooth? "Bowman asked as he landed on the railing. "lt's bizarre."

Jacob shrugged. "I don't know exactly how it works, but that's cement. It's actually a mix of this sort of glue stuff with a lot of tiny rocks and grains of sand. I think."

Bowman shot him an incredulous look. "Sand? And it won't wash away?"

"Dude, you're watching it not wash away, " Jacob teased. To counter Bowman's glare, he had a real answer ready. "I think the water does wear it down, but it's slow. So this creek will probably last a while, unless someone wants to tear it up."

"Why, " Bowman began with the air of someone who already decided he didn't like the answer, "would someone want to tear it up?!"

Jacob smirked. "I don't speak for all humans, Bowman. People change parks so they can build other things sometimes."

Leafy green wings flared open. Jacob started walking again, noting Bowman's agitation. Sure enough, as he took flight, Bowman voiced a familiar lament. "You humans. Always trying to move things around instead of just building where it makes sense."

"You sprites, looking for problems in everything us humans do," Jacob shot back. He reached up as if trying to grab Bowman right out of the air, though he moved far too slow to really manage it. It was little more than a wave in Bowman's direction.

Bowman countered easily by leaning into a quick spiral around Jacob's outstretched arm. His back came within an inch of the jacket sleeve, belying Bowman's control over his movement in the air. No other sprite in Wellwood could match his skill. Not with his constant practice.

"Watch it, giant!" Bowman's scolding, sharp as usual, came with a cocky grin. He kicked Jacob's arm. "Don't make me think I need to bop you!"

"You'll come up with a reason no matter how careful I am," Jacob said. "Hanging out with you, I might as well bop myself to save time."

Bowman snickered. He made one more wide circle around Jacob, then swooped closer. Tiny boots alighted on top of Jacob's head. Up there, Bowman's teasing declaration was impossible to miss. "It would save me a lot of trouble, too. Keeping you in line is exhausting."

Jacob thought about nodding to upset Bowman's balance, but instead opted to reach up to the small weight perched on his head. Before Bowman could flare his wings, Jacob's hand closed carefully around him. Ever mindful of the fragile wings, Jacob gathered up the small sprite and moved his hand into view. To no surprise, Bowman had a glare ready for him. "Hey! What's this for?!"

Jacob grinned. He could try to fake an innocent look, but that would require holding back his amusement. "Well you said this was exhausting, so I figured I could help you out by carrying you for the rest of the walk. Seems only fair, since I cause you so much trouble."

Bowman scowled. Jacob hadn't left him any way not to take the bait. "That's not what I meant and you know it! Leggo!"

He squirmed, but Jacob had already loosened his grip. Teasing was one thing, but he didn't actually want to trap Bowman. He tilted his hand to give him a platform in case he needed to regain balance. "Oh, my bad, dude. Here ya go."

Bowman rolled over, one wing flaring open irritably, and pushed to a stand on Jacob's palm. A tiny kick connected with Jacob's thumb. "Blasted giant. You think you're so funny."

"I think I'm pretty hilarious," Jacob said. "You mean you don't?! You're a tough crowd, man."

"There's just one of me," Bowman snipped. It wasn't the first time a figure of speech sailed over his head, and it likely wasn't the last. He never let it slow down his snarking. "But no. You're not as good at jokes as you think. Bothersome giant!" He punctuated his verdict with a flap of his wings and darted off of Jacob's palm.

Jacob grinned again. "Okay, fair. I bother you as much as I can. Can't help it. At least you're never bored with your favorite human around right?"

This time Bowman laughed as he swooped upwards. "Never bored. That's one way to put it."

[gra-sonas]

➡️  EW interview with Tyler from February 2019, right before 1x06 aired ⬅️ 

For a small town, a heck of a lot goes down in Roswell, New Mexico.

The CW drama has it all: there’s aliens, murder mystery, and some pretty steamy romances — that tragically are all on hold for the time being as their participants deal with catastrophic secrets and lies that have the potential to keep them apart indefinitely.

One of the relationships on the show that has stolen fans’ hearts and earned its own moniker on social media (#Malex) is the one between human veteran Alex (Tyler Blackburn) and extraterrestrial jaded genius Michael. In desperate need of more dirt on what’s to come between them and ahead of tonight’s high school throwback episode “Smells Like Teen Spirit” (WHERE EVERYTHING CHANGES!!), we caught up with Blackburn to talk all things #Malex and what the future holds as the truth outs.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Let’s go back to the beginning a little — what was your initial impression of the reimagining of the series and Alex as a character? TYLER BLACKBURN: I remember the original series from when I was younger so when I heard of the reimagining, I was pretty nostalgic about it. I just thought it was great to have a character in this world that’s extraterrestrial  — and pretty unrealistic in many ways — be so real in very human ways and complex. I feel like I can understand his journey a lot; he’s really lost himself throughout his teenage and young adult years. He’s a broken man and I feel like we all understand that idea of needing to pick ourselves back up after losing bits and pieces of ourselves along the way. I just thought it was intriguing to play someone who has so many layers to him in a show that’s also so magical.

Did you then go back and watch the original series or did you want to come at this from a fresh perspective? I actually started watching the pilot of the first run and then I kind of decided that I wanted it to be its own thing and I hope it turns into its own thing, so I didn’t want to be influenced by the old one much. Alex is a very different character and I feel like it wouldn’t have done it justice, so I chose not to.

One of the differences in Alex in this version is that he’s gay. Was the show’s more inclusive nature this time around part of the appeal? Yeah, I feel like the coolest thing that made this very relevant was all of the different topics that were covered, including Alex being gay, including him being in the Air Force as a gay man, his struggle with his own identity, and his struggle with his own emotions towards someone who he feels like he can’t really be with easily. I just found that all to be very appealing. It gets juicer and juicer too, so it’s really cool to play the progression.

Do we get to see more of Alex’s military past this season? This season we do not get flashbacks of that. I actually asked for that, but they were like, ‘It’s not in the budget this season.’

I’m sure that kind of setting wouldn’t come cheap… Right? To create a war zone…So, no, we don’t really get the flashbacks. I feel like what’s interesting this whole season, though, is that he’s needing to confront really old emotions and really the fundamentals of his insecurities. I hope that in season 2 we can kind of see a little bit more of his life as an adult man throughout that time and his journey because even though he never really wanted to join the Air Force, — he was kind of forced to by his father — he found solace in it in a way. I think it was important for him to be part of something, part of a group of people who are fighting for the same thing. In some ways, it was really good for him to be in the Air Force, so I hope that they do explore it a bit more.

Did you have detailed conversations with the writers about his backstory then? To understand where he’s coming from? Oh yeah. One of my favorite things about this whole process was how collaborative it actually was among the actors and also with the writers and with Carina (Adly MacKenzie, show creator). It was fun to sit there and create backstory that isn’t in this season. Some of it’s known by Carina or the writers and we’re just not finding out quite yet, so to get those definite answers was good too. Like, how did he lose his leg? And just learning a little more about that.

Okay, let’s talk about #Malex. Fans are crazy for the romance between Alex and Michael. How has that reaction been for you? Honestly, it just fills me with joy. All of the relationships on this show are complex and have their own nuances to them that I think people can relate to in different ways. But just the fact that a gay relationship is being celebrated in this way — and it’s not even being celebrated because it’s a gay relationship, it’s just being celebrated because it’s such a tangible one that there’s so much history to — I take a lot of pride in that. Working with Michael Vlamis was honestly surprising. I wasn’t sure how it was going to play out and it exceeded every expectation; we created such a magnetic chemistry. We gave permission to each other to just go to the depths that we needed to go to in order to make this a real story. I think that it’s so beautiful that we live in a time where our audiences are celebrating this in that way. It makes my heart so full — it’s progress for sure. Even for Michael, he too is complex. He’s a little more sexually fluid so for him to represent a category of people who aren’t necessarily gay or straight, they just feel what they feel for who they feel it, that’s just a beautiful thing. It really makes his character so juicy too.

How do you think Alex would deal with knowing the truth about Michael? Could a relationship between them withstand that information? I feel like Michael’s being cautious. I think Alex has really given him the runaround up until this point. I don’t think the Michael would have as big of an issue as one might think in telling Alex, I think he just needs to fully trust him first. Because he loves him so much, I think he’d be more willing to be open up. Alex isn’t left completely in the dark for the whole season. You’ll have to watch to see how that unfolds and how that changes the relationship.

Eeek! Speaking of learning new things, let’s talk about tonight’s episode. It’s a flashback to the Roswell inhabitants as teens graduating high school. Was that just so much fun to play Alex as a teen goth kid? Yes! I graduated high school in 2004, so it was close enough to my real high school experience. Honestly, I always secretly wanted to be a goth punk! So I just love that Alex was that. It adds another level to him that I loved playing on where it was like, before all the trauma he was this free-spirited rebel. It’s just really cool to be able to play that then, and now play this closed-off, uncertain version of him. It really takes it full circle.

Was it difficult to leave behind all later traits of Alex’s you’ve picked up over the season? It wasn’t too hard because I feel like I know Alex really well, but it was fun. Some of the content in this flashback was a little hard to shoot. The woodshed scene? That was really crazy to shoot. We spent a lot of time on that scene.

We can’t say anything else about that for now (check back here after tonight’s episode for an in-depth interview with MacKenzie), but one more thing on this episode: Alex’s style! Did you have any say in his hair/makeup/jewelry? [Laughs] Little things were collaborative, like would his nail polish be chipped or would it be solid? Also with costume fittings, that tux really was my favorite suit of all of the ones I tried on for the prom.

We see some tension between Alex and Kyle (Michael Trevino) in this episode, but last week they were bonding a little and Alex seemed to forgive Kyle for bullying him in the past. Can we expect to see more of a friendship between them in the rest of the season? They start to join forces a bit. Trevino and I joked around about being the Hardy Boys going on these little excursions together. They definitely put their differences aside. They always kind of give each other sh—, but they start to understand each other on a different level and care for each other more. They each have skills that can be used to undercover the mystery of what is going on. I don’t want to say too much, but as you saw last episode, Alex found the piece of alien glass and now he has questions that he needs answered, so Kyle’s a source of answers.

Can you tease anything else about what’s to come this season? Tonight’s episode feels like a massive turning point… I’m very excited to see this episode. I remember reading the last script or two and there are some turns that I just really wasn’t expecting in regards to Rosa’s death and things of that nature. I thought we had it figured out and answered, but it’s revealed even more in the finale as far as that goes. So it keeps you hanging until the very end — it’s pretty wild. It isn’t exactly what you think.

~ EW

[imagitory]

HPHM Profile: Carewyn Cromwell

<<<updated: 12/6/2020 // original template by @hogwarts-misery >>>

“I can’t just live my life however I want! Maybe I want to — sometimes I want to — sometimes I want to so much that I think of just saying ‘forget the Cursed Vaults! Forget about R and their death threats and the fear and the not-knowing-what’s-coming!’ But...I can’t. As long as Jacob is out there — as long as I don’t know whether he’s alive or dead — whether he needs my help or not — how can I put myself first?! How can I justify chasing the Quidditch Cup, or joining the Dueling Club, or singing in the Frog Choir, when anything great I might do won’t mean a thing, without my brother there cheering me on whether I win or lose!? How can I fight for my dreams...while not knowing if Jacob will be able to share them with me? What sort of person would I be? What sort of disgusting — selfish — cowardly — terrible person would I be, if I abandoned him!? How could I face my mum again — face myself again — if I just threw my brother away?!”

[PROFILE]

NAME | Carewyn Lane Cromwell

NICKNAMES | Carey (by her friends, especially Bill, Charlie, and Tonks); Winnie (by her mother); Pip, Pippa (by Jacob); Cursebreaker (by Andre) [Note: In AUs, Jacob calls Carewyn “Wyn” instead of Pip, as “Pippa” is a reference to the Robert Browning poem “Pippa Passes,” which often doesn’t exist in other universes. XD]

GENDER | Female (cisgender)

SEXUAL / ROMANTIC ORIENTATION | Asexual / Panromantic

[PERSONALITY]

In some ways, Carewyn is an ideal heroine. A bright, compassionate girl, she often finds herself drawn to those less confident than her and feels the urge to protect and take care of them. Even when she was very little, she ended up “mothering” her older brother Jacob by encouraging him to eat and sleep more and offering advice, just as much as he often “fathered” her by inspiring her and shielding her from any perceived threats. But don’t mistake this young Cursebreaker for a saint -- Carewyn actually is an incredibly proud person who protects her fragile, sensitive heart with a hard shell of seemingly unbreakable confidence and cool insight. There is nothing she hates more than showing her insecurities and fears, and so she does her best to always look her best and put her best face forward no matter what, even around the people she cares about. This means that almost none of her many friends have any idea about the demons Carewyn is secretly fighting in her pursuit of the Cursed Vaults and her brother. Carewyn dresses the part for whatever situation she’s in, and she always feels most comfortable when she feels in control and believes she has the moral high ground -- admittedly her moral compass is pretty strong on its own, but she also buries any more selfish and meaner feelings she has as deep as she can, pushing herself to be the best, most moral person she can be, even if it’s difficult for her. She wants to be everything that everyone needs, and unfortunately that can result in Carewyn setting standards that are way too high for herself and secretly resenting and berating herself whenever she falls short, or worse not even participating in something she thinks she can’t put all of herself into or wouldn’t do well in. Her self-loathing is so strong that when something traumatic happens to her (such as Jacob’s disappearance or the death of Redacted), she can suffer from severe spells of depression where she neglects her own well-being and as a consequence forcibly removes herself from the people around her so as not to let others see her in such a terrible state. Because of her own high standards for herself, as well, Carewyn also can be judgmental of others, not being prone to change her mind about a person easily. When backed into a corner, Carewyn can freeze up, but when her own self-preservation or her loved ones are threatened, she can bite back really hard, though she’ll almost always regret losing control after the fact. Carewyn has a very organized mind and works best when she has a plan and knows where she’s going at any given time -- ambiguity and mystery are not this girl’s friends. This sadly can result in her being a real stick in the mud, which makes her an easy target for pranks and mischief. Fortunately, despite her overly serious attitude, Carewyn has a nice dry sense of humor and is a very passionate, driven person. In her fifth year, she was even made a Prefect largely due to her protective, nurturing instincts, though it’s good to note that that doesn’t make her a rule follower. Carewyn only respects rules and the people enforcing them if they have earned her respect and she sees the reasoning behind them. If there’s one thing Carewyn can’t stand, it’s condescension. Carewyn’s core interests are singing (her favorite wizard band is the Weird Sisters and her favorite Muggle band is the Eurythmics), Charms, magical history, and magical creatures.

[BIOGRAPHY]

DATE OF BIRTH | August 29, 1973 (Virgo)

BLOOD STATUS | Half-Blood

FAMILY INFO | Carewyn is the second child and only daughter of Evan Bach and Lane Cromwell. Carewyn’s mother Lane alienated her parents, younger brother, and older sisters -- a well-respected, but very overbearing magical family called the Cromwells -- upon moving to Wales and marrying Evan, who was a Muggle. Unfortunately Evan and Lane’s marriage took a turn for the worse after Jacob was born. Jacob’s magical abilities peeked through at an early age and were interpreted by Evan as deliberate misbehavior despite Lane’s best attempts to diffuse any tension. Nine years into their marriage, Evan and Lane were surprised by a late addition to the family -- their daughter, Carewyn. Rather than bringing Evan and Lane closer together, however, Carewyn’s arrival only seemed to drive Evan further away, as he already had had no instincts about how to be a father to Jacob and felt even less sure about how to raise a daughter. Deciding it was better to give up and just let Lane do what was best rather than mess up, Evan withdrew from Carewyn almost completely, leaving Lane and even his son Jacob to look after her. Fortunately Jacob, an nine-year-old boy at the time of Carewyn’s birth, adored his little sister immediately and went out of his way to coddle and protect her however he could. When Jacob turned 11 and received his Hogwarts letter, Lane was finally allowed by law to tell Evan about her magical heritage and the Wizarding World, but by that point, Evan and Lane’s marriage was so rocky that the revelation finally made it buckle and fall apart. Evan left his family that very night, leaving Lane heartbroken. Knowing her family would insist upon her returning to their estate in Yorkshire if she went to them for financial help, Lane instead charted out alone and raised her two children completely on her own while working as a magical historian and Runes expert. Although Lane, Jacob, and Carewyn lived in poverty for almost all of Jacob’s school career and Carewyn’s childhood, the Cromwells managed to dig their way out of debt a year before Jacob disappeared, now sitting on the perimeter of “lower-middle class.”

MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE | INFJ “The Advocate”

[MAGICAL ABILITIES]

WAND | Hornbeam and dragon heartstring, 11 inches, inflexible (broken by Rakepick) // Laurel and phoenix feather, 12 inches, unyielding (nicknamed her “Excalibur wand”)

BOGGART | Voldemort [Carewyn’s greatest fear is a threat she has no hope of overcoming, fighting, escaping, or controlling...which, yeah, is Voldemort in a nutshell!]

ANIMAGUS FORM (IF ANY) | Robin

PATRONUS | Abraxan Winged Horse

[AFFILIATION]

HOUSE | Slytherin

QUIDDITCH POSITION (IF ANY) | She prefers playing Chaser in Quidditch friendlies, but she’s been reluctant to commit to the Slytherin team due to her extreme focus on finding her brother and fear of letting Orion and the others down.

PREFECT? | Yup!

[ACADEMICS]

BEST CLASS(ES) | Charms, Care of Magical Creatures, History of Magic (thanks to her mum!)

WORST CLASS(ES) | Transfiguration, Divination

OWL SCORES | 

Charms - O

Transfiguration - O

Potions - O

Herbology - O

History of Magic - O

Care of Magical Creatures - O 

Defense Against the Dark Arts - O

[RELATIONSHIPS]

PARTNERS |

Andre — In the beginning, Carewyn was completely and totally dedicated romantically to Andre, having attended the Celestial Ball and gone on two dates with him. In the darkest part of her heart, though she was a bit afraid that she wouldn’t be “exciting” enough for Andre in the long term, given that he’s always been quite popular and outgoing and she’s only really gotten any esteem at Hogwarts for being a Cursebreaker, which she didn’t really ever want to be. Add onto this some tension brought on by the All-Wizard Tournament where Andre got so obsessed with winning that he took help from his girlfriend and then flat-out didn’t even consider helping her in return and Carewyn’s severe trust issues, and soon the two had a lot of trouble communicating properly. When times were good, they had a lot of fun together, but if they ever weren’t, the two just couldn’t seem to connect and fix it as a team. Not long after the All-Wizard Tournament, Carewyn finally told Andre she needed a break, and after a talk, they decided it was better to end their romantic relationship and try just being friends again. Despite the break-up, they both remain incredibly fond of each other and respect each other deeply.

Chiara — In the beginning of my game-playing journey, I had considered matching Carewyn with Chiara in the long-term. Ever since they first met, Carewyn has both identified with and greatly admired Chiara. Even if Chiara has had such a rough life, she remains ever gentle, kind, and forgiving -- everything, in essence, that Carewyn wants and tries to be -- all without seemingly even trying. She’s never expected anything from Carewyn, no matter how big her reputation as a Cursebreaker has grown, and is always supportive of her choices. She even wants to Heal others, even if her werewolf form is so hell-bent on destruction and harm. Chiara, meanwhile, identifies with and admires Carewyn just as much for her nurturing, sensitive heart, and thinks she’s one of the bravest people she knows. She understands Carewyn’s self-loathing from a first-hand perspective since she struggles with it herself, but she can’t understand it in the sense that she sees Carewyn as a truly wonderful, strong person who should be able to love herself just as much as she loves others. Carewyn frequently spends time with Chiara in her Animagus form during the full moon to keep her company, singing sweet songs to brighten her darker nights. A Chiara/Carewyn ending would’ve been what I considered the “Peaceful” ending, AKA the “Soft uwu” ending -- but it also sort of struck me that the two’s personalities and demons were similar enough that there wouldn’t be as much chance for growth for both of them, and there wouldn’t be as much action or engaging contrast in their interactions, as they would both be pretty universally supportive of each other except when they’re blocking the other out “for their own good.” Even if Carewyn doesn’t end up with Chiara romantically, though, she cherishes her as a friend and would do anything to make her happy.

Diego —  This option sort of came out of nowhere, but quickly developed from a crackship into a genuine ship for me, given that like Chiara, Diego would be able to bring some sunlight into Carewyn’s life and be a dependable partner who wouldn’t put high expectations on Carewyn’s shoulders. As for Carewyn, she finds Diego’s flirting absolutely hysterical. Part of this is because Carewyn herself is asexual, but she also just isn’t the sort to actively “flirt” with people. Funnily enough, however, Diego’s charm does end up endearing him to Carewyn anyway, though not for the reason it might charm others! Although she does find his behavior funny, she can still tell he’s sincerely trying to compliment the people he’s talking to, and he’s also amazingly modest despite his clear talent at wizard dueling. Add onto this that he likes dancing, and music-loving!Carewyn has found he’s an all-around pretty fun guy to spend time with. Diego also isn’t turned off in the slightest by Carewyn finding amusement in his flirting, either -- if anything, he finds it rather endearing, as Carewyn is usually so serious and he thinks she should laugh more often. A Diego/Carewyn ending would’ve been what I considered the “Fun” ending, AKA the “Romcom” ending -- but it also felt as though it was an ending that could only come to be and work well in peaceful times, with Diego not being as well-equipped in dealing with Carewyn’s darker spells or in dealing with more serious issues or deep heart-to-heart conversations.

Orion — This, after a lot of deliberation, is the final end-game ship I’ve decided for Carewyn post-Second-Wizarding-War. Orion really wasn’t what Carewyn expected out of a Quidditch captain when they first met in her third year and his fourth, but being related to two Ravenclaws, she actually finds his vague, philosophical bent kind of refreshing. It can still frustrate her sometimes due to her desire to plan ahead, but she sees how his off-kilter affect keeps others on their toes and, therefore, can shift control over a situation his way. (Rather appropriate display of cleverness, for a Slytherin.) Learning his backstory prompts a lot of empathy from Carewyn as well, given that she also didn’t have any real friends before attending Hogwarts, and she greatly admires how wise Orion has become both about himself and about life, even after going through what he’s gone through. After being on his team for that short time, Carewyn’s developed a lot of respect for Orion, and even after leaving, she’s remained very supportive of her house team and especially of Orion as their leader. Even if Carewyn’s not on the team, she keeps up with Quidditch not just out of love for the sport, but because of her desire to see Orion’s team do well. As for Orion, he got the sense they were kindred spirits ever since they first played side-by-side in the match against Hufflepuff and quietly laments that she’s never been a permanent member of his team. He frequently cites that Carewyn has “more fire than a Firecrab” -- although he can find it a bit overpowering at times, her passion was the thing that first sparked his interest in her, and over the years, Orion has come to see her as an equal, admiring her not just for that passion, but for her determination, courage, and selflessness. Orion and Carewyn are also both incredibly insightful, thoughtful, sensitive people who have the tendency to “create a family” out of their friends that they support and nurture in an almost parental manner. After Carewyn left the Slytherin team after the match against Hufflepuff, Orion attempted to persuade Carewyn to rejoin several times over the years due to his lingering fondness for her, even though he’s always respected her decision not to. It’s only after Carewyn returns to the team to help Slytherin win the Quidditch Cup for the first time in ten years and gets injured in the process that Orion learns that he and Carewyn have the same Patronus -- an Abraxan Winged Horse -- which, according to the old wives’ tale, suggests that they are soul mates. By then, however, Orion is set to graduate within weeks and he knows that Carewyn’s life is of course consumed with dealing with the Vaults. And so he decides not to pursue the chance of a relationship solely based on a superstition, however much he regrets his lack of action later. As adults, the two reconnect after the end of the Second Wizarding War and an unconventional romance starts between the two. This endgame ship gives Carewyn both things I wanted for her while shipping Chiara/Carewyn and Diego/Carewyn -- peace and fun -- while also matching her with someone who can bring some balance and positivity to her life and help her let go of her inner demons and yet who she can also defend, protect, and love with all of her fire. And because of their differences -- Orion being so chill, passive, and philosophical and Carewyn being so sensible, perfectionistic, and passionate -- they’ll constantly contrast and challenge each other too.

FRIENDS |

Bill —  The Weasley family overall filled the void in Carewyn’s heart that Jacob left behind, none more so than Bill. Carewyn adores Bill like few others and supports him in his Cursebreaking 110%, to the extent that she probably would help him do it even if it didn’t involve the Cursed Vaults. Bill quasi-“adopts” Carewyn into his family pretty early on, but only grows closer to and fonder of her over time, as she’s the first person who he’s ever been able to lean on the way he always let his siblings lean on him. Bill’s accompanied Carewyn to every single Cursed Vault, and he is her right-hand man when it comes to who she’d pick to help her with something dangerous. By the time Bill’s graduated, the two stand on relatively equal footing despite their age gap, and after the death of Redacted, Bill and Carewyn solidly become each other’s best friend and confidante, leaning on and supporting each other more than anyone else. The rest of Carewyn’s friend group likes to jokingly refer to her and Bill as the “Mum” and “Dad” of the group, given their shared tendency to “parent” the others. Bill was the one who coined the nickname “Carey” for Carewyn, and the rest of her friend group has totally run with it since, none more so than Charlie and Tonks.

Charlie — If Bill is Carewyn’s surrogate big brother, Charlie is Carewyn’s twin brother from another mother. Carewyn loves talking about dragons with Charlie. (They’re just so cool!) Charlie and Carewyn also like playing in Quidditch friendlies together, even if they’re in different houses, and they can often be seen handling Prefect duties together. Ever since Charlie, Bill, and Carewyn went into the Portrait Vault with Ben and Merula, the two Weasley boys and Carewyn have been closer than ever. Charlie and Carewyn in particular have latched onto each other in Bill’s absence, given how close both of them were to him. As adults post-Hogwarts, Charlie frequently crashes on Carewyn’s couch whenever he flies in for a visit from Romania, if his mother doesn’t insist upon him staying at the Burrow. Charlie and Carewyn refer to themselves as a pair as “Fireballs,” because Chinese Fireballs are the only dragons known to live among their own kind -- and so the word represents how Charlie and Carewyn see each other as kindred spirits.

Rowan — Rowan was Carewyn’s first friend at Hogwarts, but recently they’ve sort of been growing apart, due to Rowan’s extreme focus on academics and Carewyn’s extreme focus on finding her brother. For Carewyn, it feels like she’s changed a lot in five years -- starting as the shunned younger sister of the delinquent Jacob Cromwell and growing into a renowned Cursebreaker who has learned so much and made so many different friends and now tries to protect Hogwarts and her fellow students however she can -- while Rowan has rigidly stayed put where she was, remaining as studious and socially awkward as ever. Carewyn doesn’t resent Rowan for this -- on the contrary, she’s always admired Rowan’s single-minded ambition to be the youngest professor in Hogwarts history, damn what anyone else says, and wishes she had the luxury of chasing her own dreams that doggedly. But at the same time, Carewyn wouldn’t have felt good about herself, if she’d stayed the way she’d been when she first arrived. She sees herself as having been weaker, less competent, and less capable back then, while Rowan was always so brilliant and both emotionally and intellectually ahead of everyone else. Rowan and Carewyn have grown into very different people over the last five years, but Carewyn still loves and treasures Rowan like few people in the world as her first real friend and the friend that in some ways she wishes she could be more like.

Talbott  — The two at first didn’t see eye-to-eye at all, given that Talbott tends to hide most of his positive emotions at first and Carewyn hides her negative emotions constantly --- but once the ice broke between them, the two really connected and became good friends. Carewyn loves Talbott’s sense of humor and was also pleasantly surprised to find out what a great writer he is! She often volunteers to read whatever he’s working on, which kind of weirds Talbott out, but he secretly is happy she likes his stuff. When Carewyn wants some peace, she’ll take some time to fly around in her robin Animagus form, and she always loves it when Talbott joins her for a flight around the grounds. Carewyn often sings little tweeted songs the entire way, and even if Talbott teases her for it, he does actually really enjoy it. Post-Hogwarts they work together a lot, as Talbott is an Auror and Carewyn is a lawyer.

Ben — Ben was one of the very first people who Carewyn took under her wing, and even now, she remains a bit protective of him. She was always really proud whenever he expressed more courage and initiative in the past, but with the advent of sixth year, Ben has grown a lot more reckless and blunt, to the extent he could easily get himself into a dangerous situation and get hurt. Carewyn isn’t sure at all how to react to the development, but she doesn’t like it -- not one bit. Ben himself is struggling with how much Carewyn wants to look at him as someone to protect while never letting anyone else do the same for her. Because he’s known her longer than most, he’s seen Carewyn’s own dramatic transformation from a quiet, but overemotional little girl into a micromanaging, fussing, stoic, confident Mama Bear, and as much as he’s glad Carewyn’s gotten more confidence, he laments being on equal footing with his friend and feeling like he could help her as much as she helps him. Once they get their emotions and issues sorted, Ben and Carewyn become closer than ever, to the point that he, Merula, Charlie, and Bill are co-leader of the Circle of Khanna with Carewyn.

Barnaby — At first Carewyn couldn’t help but look down on Barnaby a bit given how dim he could be, but once he agreed to help her, she was surprised by how sincere and sweet he really was. Soon enough she felt her protective instincts kick in, and now she’s incredibly encouraging and supportive of him. These days you can usually see them chatting excitedly about magical creatures together in class -- Carewyn’s really happy to see Barnaby succeeding in Care of Magical Creatures as well as enjoying it, and Barnaby loves it whenever Carewyn sings to the creatures they’re working with in order to soothe them.

Jae — Although their personalities are pretty diametrically opposed, even down to house placement, Carewyn gets along pretty well with Jae. She doesn’t entirely see the appeal of him dealing with shadier merchandise, but he still agreed to help her when she needed to go to Knockturn Alley despite the risks and he’s a pretty sharp, resourceful person. Carewyn mostly just thinks he should push himself more, rather than just be content with where he’s at. After learning how much Jae likes cooking, Carewyn has enjoyed spending time with him in the kitchens whenever she wants to try out a new recipe.

Penny — Carewyn was actually a bit startled when popular Penny first took an interest in her in their first year. In their fifth year, Carewyn grew a bit more protective of Penny with the Portrait Curse capturing her younger sister, Beatrice -- now that Beatrice and Penny have started to grow apart, however, Carewyn now finds herself stuck between them, feeling sympathy for Beatrice’s position but still valuing her friendship with Penny.

Liz — Carewyn and Liz’s friendship is a bit more casual than others, but they’ve really connected well thanks to their shared interest in magical creatures. You can usually see Carewyn hanging out with her, Charlie, and Barnaby in Care of Magical Creatures.

Badeea — Art buddies! Carewyn is very encouraging of Badeea’s artistic talent, and the two love talking about music and Charms together.  

Tonks  — Carewyn greatly admires Tonks’s wish to be an Auror and loves how funny her imitations can be, but more often than not ends up being the butt of one of Tonks’s pranks.

Tulip — Like Tonks, Tulip loves pranking Carewyn. A LOT. Carewyn doesn’t find most of her jokes that funny, but can’t stay that mad at her.

Fred and George — Carewyn has only just met the twins, but she can already tell they’re going to be a handful. But they’re Bill and Charlie’s brothers, so in Carewyn’s mind, they are already family, so she feels a bit of protectiveness toward them.

Cedric — When Carewyn met Cedric, her first reaction was immense pity, given how much attention he’d managed to accrue in his first year alone when he clearly didn’t feel like he deserved it. Cedric reminds Carewyn of herself in first and second year, when she was still so shy and insecure whenever people would talk about her, so the Slytherin Prefect feels a lot of compassion for Cedric. She sort of hopes everyone will lay off him a bit so he can just have a normal school life without so much pressure.

Percy — Carewyn hadn’t thought she’d ever encounter someone that she would consider a stick-in-the-mud...until she met Percy Weasley. His rat Scabbers is kind of cute, though -- when he doesn’t bite!

Skye — Carewyn appreciates all of the help Skye gave her when she first started playing in Quidditch friendlies, but at present, she’s not talking to Skye, thanks to her going off and starting unfounded rumors about the Ravenclaw Beater, Erika Rath, the way that people spread rumors about Carewyn when she first started at Hogwarts. NOT COOL, SKYE. Orion deserves better than to deal with that sort of drama!!

Murphy — Both he and Carewyn are planners, and that’s great...but Murphy only plays Wizard Chess, a game he’s great at and Carewyn is terrible at, and that’s not so great.

Professor McGonagall —  The Deputy Headmistress is by far the professor Carewyn respects above all others. Even if she finds her class very challenging, she gives every assignment her all because of how much she respects McGonagall and wants to impress her. McGonagall herself nurtures a soft spot for Carewyn, even despite her being in Slytherin, due to her strong moral streak and desire to protect others.

Professor Flitwick — Charms is Carewyn’s best and favorite class, and Flitwick is a large reason why. Carewyn also really admires Flitwick’s talent in wizard dueling and is always thrilled to learn new dueling spells from him. Flitwick had a soft spot for Carewyn’s brother Jacob back in the day, since Jacob was in his house, and he’s nurtured a similar soft spot for Carewyn because of her great talent in and enthusiasm for Charms.

Professor Kettleburn — Carewyn adores Care of Magical Creatures and, by extension, Professor Kettleburn. She just really doesn’t want to lose as many body parts or clothing pieces as he has. Kettleburn always enjoys when Carewyn sings to the creatures in his class -- he finds it incredibly creative and entertaining.

Hagrid —  Carewyn loves Fang SO MUCH. And Hagrid too. Just not his rock cakes. And Hagrid...well, Carewyn’s just so tiny, but with such a big heart!

FOES |

Rakepick — Pre-Portrait Vault, Carewyn didn’t trust Rakepick as far as she can throw her, largely because she couldn’t get a good fix on her. Even Snape, who Carewyn clashes with at times, seems to have a wonky code of honor (META: largely because she is a Slytherin and -- more notably -- is at school before she could see how terribly he treats Harry and Neville!), but Carewyn wasn’t even sure if she could ascribe that to Rakepick. Her initial judgment seems to have been justified, given how Rakepick acted in the Portrait Vault -- but Rakepick’s betrayal, which was somehow even worse than Carewyn could’ve imagined, has only served to make the young Slytherin feel less sure on her feet, as she’s started to connect the dots and realize that her comrades may have trusted Rakepick for the some of the same reasons that they’ve trusted Carewyn herself. Rakepick and Carewyn have encouraged the others, but have also never trusted them with their true feelings or motives, and they both led them into danger all because of their desire to get to the Cursed Vaults. Although they pursued the Vaults for different reasons, they were both relentless, resourceful, stubborn and proud in their pursuit -- and in enlisting others to help them in that pursuit, they were both responsible for every terrible thing that ensued from it.

Ismelda — Carewyn really doesn’t like her intense interest in pain and suffering -- like...at all. Even if she might put on a strong, unflappable face, Carewyn is way too big of a bleeding heart to enjoy death or pain. Ismelda also considering using a Love Potion on Barnaby soured Carewyn to her quite a bit, though Carewyn is glad Ismelda changed her mind and they were able to come to some sort of a truce.

Merula — Their rivalry was much more intense when they were younger and Merula was actively bullying Ben and Rowan -- nowadays Carewyn just uses her help when it’s useful and ignores her when she’s being her usual awful self. After seeking counsel from her mother and Rowan, Carewyn was even nice enough to give Merula her spot on the Frog Choir, even if she’d really wanted it herself. Although Rowan staying constant and unchanging throughout the years is something Carewyn admires in her, however, she absolutely loathes the quality when it’s expressed in Merula. At the end of year 5, she and Merula came to something of a truce, but with the start of their sixth year, Merula’s taken a couple giant steps back in her evolution, which greatly frustrates and disappoints Carewyn. Carewyn wouldn’t ever call Merula her friend, but...well, she’d still been happy to see Merula had actually been able to prove her a little wrong and become a slightly better person. It’s awful to see her regress after going through that slight improvement.

Professor Dumbledore — Although Dumbledore is an amazingly powerful wizard with a very amiable attitude, over the years Carewyn has gotten very, very frustrated with how much she’s told to stop trying to deal with the Vaults. On top of that, the Headmaster of Hogwarts frequently obfuscates things a bit too much for Carewyn’s liking. She can sense that he is trying to be helpful, but that in a way makes things all the more frustrating, as she finds his methods so phenomenally misguided. Carewyn tries to conceal just how low her opinion of the man has fallen, but in truth she’s become rather resentful of him.

Emily —  Oh gosh. Given how fond Carewyn is of Bill and how ridiculously condescending and prone to bullying Emily can be, Carewyn understandably despises her. She hates her more than she ever hated Merula.

PETS (IF ANY) | Mimi (orange tabby cat), Sir Robin the Brave (toad), Lune (bat), Balto (Cruppy)

ANIMAL PRESERVE (IF ANY) | Wicket the Niffler; Tumnus the Porlock; Arjuna the Abraxan; Belle the Fairy; Esmeralda the Welsh Green; Leila the Thestral, Peter Quill the Knarl; Apollo the Hippogriff; Barnaby Jr. the Bowtruckle

[therainroguefanfiction]

⁂ Sweet Treats (Killua Zoldyck)

Genre: Friendship, Family, Comedy ☁

Word Count: 1,458 ☁

Pairing: None ☁

World: Hunter x Hunter ☁

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You looked down when you felt someone tugging the bottom of your shirt. The tugging stopped but the hand still grasped the cloth tightly between its fingers. Your eyes met Killua’s, shining brightly as the sunlight beat down on you. It gave the white-haired boy an even more innocent and child-like appearance. You wouldn’t know he was a professional assassin just by looking at him.

“What’s up?” You questioned.

“Can I borrow some money?”

“What for?”

Killua shifted from one foot to the other, his bottom lip stuck out, bringing his cuteness factor up by a few notches. He was acting as if he didn’t want to answer your question, and you were pretty sure that you knew why.

You scowled. “No,”

“I didn’t even say anything!” He complained.

“I’m not giving you anymore of my hard-earned money so you can waste it on choco balls.”

“I wasn’t gonna spend it on choco balls!” He protested, crossing his arms over his chest and turning away from you. “We’re supposed to be friends, but you can’t even trust me!”

You sighed at his dramatic act, slumping your shoulders.

Gon, who was standing on the other side of you, smiling as he patted your arm. “Why don’t you two play rock, paper, scissors to decide?”

You glanced at him and nodded. “Alright,”

Killua turned around and nodded in agreement, determination shining in his eyes.

“Ready? Go!”

“Rock, paper, scissors!” The two of you chorused, both throwing out rock, as most people did on their first go.

“Rock, paper, scissors!”

Silence.

Complete silence.

It was as if time had stopped altogether. No sound reached the three of you. You didn’t even register the people who walked by laughing and pointing at you as if the three of you were some three-headed alien dog.

“I won…” Killua blinked in disbelief, staring at his hand which was still in the form of a rock.

“I don’t… believe it…” Your eye twitched as you stared at your own hand, still in the form of scissors. “How… you suck at this game!”

“Not anymore!” He grinned triumphantly. “Gon taught me the secret!”

You turned to glare at the black-haired boy who was holding his hands up in defense at the sudden attention. “What the hell’d you do that for!?”

“W-We were in a tournament during Greed Island and I taught it to him so we could win…” He sweatdropped, hoping that was good enough to escape your wrath.

“Damn it…”

Killua brightened instantly, wrapping his arms around your middle and looking up at you with shining eyes and a bright smile that reeked of victory. “10,000 Zeni, please~”

Your eye twitched but you reached into your pocket and gave him the money he desired.

Before Killua disappeared, he waved over his shoulder and called, “Don’t worry!”

“Well, now that he’s gone, what would you like to do, Gon?”

“Can we explore a little before going back to the hotel?”

“Sure, let’s go.”

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

“Ugh, I’m so tired.” You groaned, stretching your arms up over your head.

“We’ll be back at the hotel in a few minutes.” Gon commented. “I wonder if Killua is back yet.”

“Who knows.” You yawned, not really caring where the little brat had run off to.

When you reached your hotel room, you did not expect what you saw. You honestly should have, though, all things considered.

The room was pretty small because you couldn’t afford anything bigger, but it was big enough for the three of you to share, however.

The entire room was covered from top to bottom with boxes of what you could guess were various types of sweets. There were so many that there was barely any room to walk! And of course, there sat Killua on one of the beds, eating an ice cream sundae without a care in the world.

“Kil-lu-a,” You growled, eyes narrowed at the small boy.

He froze when he heard your voice, eyes slowly moving to meet yours. A sweatdrop rolled down the back of his head and he slowly moved back, climbing off the bed ’til his back hit the wall. “H-Hey… Y/N, Gon… you’re back.”

“What. The hell. Is all this?” You asked slowly, narrowed eyes never leaving his form.

“Ahh, well… they were out of what I wanted… so I improvised…”

“You call this improvising?!” You cried out. “That’s why we can’t keep any money! Every time we get some, you end up spending it on unnecessary sweets!”

“They are not unnecessary!” He retorted, wagging his spoon at you in an angry manner.

“We don’t have money to waste on your addiction!”

“It’s not an addiction! I can stop whenever I want, I just don’t want to!”

“Because you’re a spoiled brat!”

“And you’re an old hag!”

“I’m only five years older than you!”

“It still counts!”

“It does not!”

Gon sweatdropped as he watched the exchange between the two of you, wondering if there was any way to stop them before it got too out of hand. You both had done this so many times before. It’d start out sending petty insults back and forth and it’d keep escalating until things started to get violent. He had yet to find a way to stop you both once you got started.

Leorio and Kurapica had always told him to just let you both sort things out for yourselves.

“If you could go a single day without being a spoiled brat, I’d die of shock!”

“If you could go a single day without being an old hag, I’d die of shock!”

“Ugh!” You yelled, turning around and leaving the room before slamming the door angrily behind you. You ran your hands through your hair as you walked down the hall, muttering curses under your breath, all of which were aimed at the object of your undying annoyance.

“Good riddance,” Killua muttered, plopping back down on the bed and shoving a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. “Who needs ‘er.”

“K-Killua… you wouldn’t have gotten all this if it hadn’t been for Y/N.”

“Whose side are you on? Huh?!”

“N-Noone’s,” He sweatdropped again, his hands held up in defense.

“Y/N wouldn’t have,” Killua muttered softly.

“Eh?” Gon tilted his head in confusion.

“If we didn’t play rock, paper, scissors, Y/N wouldn’t have given me any money.”

“Killua…”

Even though he tried to hide it, Gon could clearly see the pain in Killua’s eyes. Was he upset because he had another fight with you? Or did he really believe that you didn’t care about him?

“Maybe you should go and talk to Y/N,”

“Eh?” Killua looked up, surprised. “No way! If I go, we’ll just end up in an argument again!”

“I bet Y/N would be happy if you went to talk things through,”

“Seriously?”

Gon nodded, smiling brightly at his best friend. “I’m positive!”

“I don’t know, Gon..”

“Trust me!”

He couldn’t argue with that. Gon’s insticts usually weren’t wrong…

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

You exhaled as you sat back on the park bench, staring up at stars in the night sky. Your mind was wrapped around the boy that both pissed you off and made you smile. Killua was practically family.

No, not practically, he was family.

Your family. The little brother you had always wanted, but why did he aggravate you so much more than Gon did?

You always ended up arguing with him and it was always so tiring.

“Y/N,”

You were pulled roughly from your thoughts when a familiar voice penetrated your mind. Shifting your gaze away from the sky and towards the young boy, you blinked in surprise. ‘Why the hell is he here?’ you thought.

Killua climbed up onto the bench, taking a seat next to you. He reached into his pocket before holding his hand out to you. “Here,”

You glanced at it, confused. “Hershey kiss?”

He nodded. “A peace offering… I’m sorry for wasting your money on sweets… again.”

“Hmm,” You took it from his hand and examined it. “They say you’re supposed to give these to people that you really care about.”

“Then I gave it to the right person.”

“Oh?” You raised an eyebrow.

Killua nodded, the corners of his lips curling up into a devious smirk. He leaned closer, wrapping his arm around yours and turning on his cuteness like one would turn on a lamp. “Forgive me~?”

Even though you tried, you just couldn’t stay angry at him. With a defeated sigh and soft smile, you ruffled his spiky locks of hair. “Of course,”

“By the way, Y/N, I am not addicted to sweets.”

You scoffed. “Yeah, right. I wouldn’t be surprised if your blood had turned to sugar.”

“That’d be pretty cool,”

Facepalm.

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📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 30: AMJ #4.2

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Master Post

This post is something of an exception in my coverage of AMJ. Originally I hoped to dedicate just one post per issue but changed that to two due to the length. The pages I’ll be covering here though are exceptional.

Not just because I had so much to say about them, but because they cut to the heart of the story. These pages present Williams’ attempt to finally justify  MJ’s actions throughout the story. As such I’ve opted to single these pages out in this instalment and continue covering the rest of the story next time.

If you want the context for the preceding pages check out the previous post.

The pages revolve around MJ chatting with Master Matrix. It turns out he knows ‘McKnight’ is really Quentin Beck. She thanks him for keeping their secret. Master Matrix asks MJ how Spider-Man feels about her working with Mysterio; I guess he knows about her connection to Peter too.

MJ gets a little flustered by this question. MM continues that he’s questioned how to raise this subject with Spidey himself. MJ relates to this and explains that Peter knows she’s working on a Mysterio movie, just not with the man himself. MM asks why she’s deceiving Peter. MJ explains she isn’t being deceitful on purpose (um…yeah she is) but is just protecting Beck because she believes in what he is doing.

MM makes the (incredibly obvious) point that Mysterio is a villain and Spidey is good. He elaborates that they are both hiding the truth from a good person to collaborate with a villain. MJ responds by asking if MM understands the concept of redemption. He says he does.

Lord have mercy, this page is awful.

Now I should be upfront. I didn’t read Spider-Man/Deadpool so maybe I need to be set straight about certain important details from that title. I don’t know how or why Master Matrix knows who Spider-Man is for example. My brief research tells me he was rescued by Peter’s parents or something. I don’t recall seeing anything about Mysterio when I read up on him, so I don’t know how or why he’d know ‘McKnight’ is really Beck. Maybe his abilities allow for him to deduce that fact? If not, then that’s yet another hole in the story.

Anyway, the point is he knows Peter is Spider-Man, keeps in contact with him and by extension knows about (or has deduced) MJ’s connection to Peter. What’s less clear is how Mary Jane  knows about MM’s connection to Peter. We’ve never seen them talk about him or any of Peter’s adventures with Deadpool for that matter.

I’m willing to accept that personally I guess. As I went over in parts 3-5, Peter does clue MJ into major events in his Spidey career. I suppose befriending a living Weapon of Mass Destruction would count as something your partner ought to know about. This ultimately hurts Williams’ own narrative though. It demonstrates that Peter has been very honest and open with MJ whilst she hasn’t. It also further proves that Peter would inform MJ of his hero career, which would include Beck and his past crimes. Therefore MJ would very likely know about all the stuff Beck did in ‘Guardian Devil’ and just about everything else we discussed in parts 3-5. And yet, she’s still getting chummy with a murderous, sexually violating monster.

We then come to the lame-ass attempt by Williams to address MJ’s motivations for this arc. First of all, Williams thinks now  this is the best time to address that elephant in the room? It’s the penultimate issue of the arc (originally the entire series)! This shouldn’t been pinned down by issue #1 or #2 at the absolute latest.

Lateness aside, Williams’ attempt (unsurprisingly) utterly fails. MJ comes off almost childish when she says she isn’t ‘being deceitful on purpose’. A quick look at the definition of deceit proves that to be bullshit.

It’s the equivalent of saying “I’m not lying. I just happen to be withholding certain truths.”

Yeah that’s lying by omission, which is a form of deceit!

As for her justification for deceiving Peter, I’ve gone over that more than enough. MJ wouldn’t believe in what Beck is doing. Or at least she never would to the point where she’d lie to Peter the way she is or protect a terrible person like Beck.

The audacity of Williams to bring up how MJ is protecting a villain and deceiving a hero is unbelievable. It’s honestly left me flabbergasted. So, Williams KNOWS  that’s what she’s written MJ as doing? She KNOWS  that but she’s still having MJ do it? Or is she really just incredibly unaware and paying lip-service?

Maybe the next page will enlighten us.

So MJ just asked if MM understands redemption, which he does intimately. She follows up by saying he’d understand then that it’s not a simple switch from bad to good. Rather, it’s a journey that takes a lot of work; work Beck is putting in right now. MJ feels she is protecting Beck’s ‘journey’. It isn’t that she thinks Peter incapable of understanding this (quite the contrary), she just hasn’t figured out how  to tell him. She doesn’t want him to worry about her and feels he is already got enough on his mind.

MM then asks what if MJ has misjudged Beck? To this she concedes she will have deceived Pete, which makes her feel sick.

MM then reveals he was created as a WMD and that he is sure Beck knows tha. He elaborates that when Beck approached him, he presumed it was for the sake of efficiency. However, now he realises it’s because Beck wanted to give him the chance to make something meaningful. In this sense Beck has used his own journey of redemption to protect MM’s own. MM feels utterly indebted to Beck for this.

MJ responds that all MM can do is earn that debt in reverse.

Meanwhile, Diperna has arrived. Screwball has been harassing the journalist with her drones this entire time and continues to do so out of pure fun.

Jesus Christ where to start with this.

MJ is correct that a journey of redemption is more than just a switch from bad to good. It is indeed a long hard journey.

But as I’ve illustrated in parts 9-11, MJ wouldn’t extend the possibility of redemption to Beck given what she knows about him. His actions in this story so far do not reflect someone who’s ‘putting the work in’ at all. He’s evaded the law, broken (and is still breaking) numerous laws to get to this point and shows no signs that he’s going to face the music for his crimes. He’s not even attempted to make amends to the people he’s wronged beyond his old flame Betsy. His attempt with her has been mutated due to MJ to the point where it’s hardly what Beck intended in the first place. Even if it was his ‘apology’ to Betsy would’ve amounted to making her look cool and sexy which by extension glorified himself. Every one of his attempts to help people like Master Matrix have ultimately benefitted himself.

The closest he’s come to honest self-sacrifice, of doing something good purely for the sake of others, was fighting the Savage Six last issue. But even that was selfish to a point. He had personal beef with the Vulture. They were trashing his  movie. In defeating them and protecting his staff he was in turn aiding the protection of his life’s work. In contrast, I detailed several instances in part 10 where criminals put themselves on the line to help people selflessly. Boomerang, Black Cat, Sandman, Venom. All of those people risked their freedom and/or their health for Spidey, for innocents or for the grater good.

Beck hasn’t done that yet. Everything he’s done, even if it has protected innocent people, has simultaneously served his own materialistic or egotistical goals. Hell, given the ease with which he dealt with the Six, it barely qualifies as putting himself at risk.

Extending a helping hand to people like himself is not grounds for putting the work in. He’s helping other criminal/dangerous people make something meaningful. So what? Will he be donating the money to the loved ones of the people he’s hurt? Or to the people thsmselves? Is he going to create a trust fund for Gwyneth’s baby? We know he isn’t going to apologise for his evil actions though the film because MJ said so back in issue #1.

MJ is protecting a murderer, a mental abuser, a sexual abuser and a generally horrible person. Someone who wants  forgiveness but has not actually demonstrated anything in the way of repentance for his actions. As AMJ laid out, he wants to be forgiven by making everyone understand  who he is and why he did what he did.

He (and seemingly MJ and Williams) is confusing understanding  with justifying. We can understand  how and why people did something bad. That’s very different to justifying it and thereby forgiving them.

Even in the over simplistic good/evil world of super hero comic books this is simply not how redemption works. In addition to the examples I listed in part 10 let’s consider an example from a comic book movie. 

Maybe you’ve heard of it, it’s called ‘Spider-Man’ from 2002. 

In the film a guy named Peter Parker confronts the man he believes murdered his uncle, the man who raised him. The criminal is scared but not apologetic for what he’s done, and he asks to be given a chance. Peter’s response is.

What about my uncle? Did you give him a chance?

We can very much apply this to AMJ. Beck wants a chance, MJ is giving him that chance. So I ask:

What about Gwyneth?

What about her parents?

What about her baby?

What about the families of the seniors Beck swindled?

What about the real Cage McKnight’s reputation?

What about all the people terrified by Beck’s tantrum in AMJ #2?

What about all the people Screwball or Kangaroo have hurt?

What about Dr. Winhorst?

What about all the people and all the animals harmed or killed when Doc Ock heated up half the globe?

What about all the people scared or hurt when he faked an alien invasion in ASM v5 #1?

Did Beck ever even hint he gave any of them the slightest chance?

No. He didn’t.

For God’s sake, a terrible story like ‘Venom: Lethal Protector’ wasn’t as naïve or childish as this story. Venom is called out for murdering a man’s son. He acknowledges this but tries to argue he didn’t mean  to kill him. The story though doesn’t let him off the hook for it.

If a 1990s Venom mini-series  can acknowledge a homicidal maniac shouldn’t be given a chance just because he’s sorry, then why the Hell can’t this story?

There is another great non-comic book example that illustrates this point. It comes from the Doctor Who episode ‘Boom Town’. Whilst not a comic book or superhero story, Doctor Who is often regarded as a cousin of sorts to the former. Marvel even made Doctor Who comics for a long time. 

In the episode in question, the Doctor shares a ‘last meal’ with an alien criminal whom he intends to hand over to the authorities.

She is guilty of murder, attempted genocide and fraud and identity theft in the vein of Beck; although she is literally wearing the skin of the person she’s impersonating. To gain the Doctor’s mercy she tries to prove she’s changed, specifically by explaining a time she spared a life. Earlier that day she readied herself to kill a young journalist sniffing around her plans, but refrained upon learning she was pregnant.

The Doctor believes the story but is totally unconvinced. He explains it doesn’t mean anything. Every now and then terrible people on a whim happen  to be kind and spare their would-be victims. It’s how they live with themselves.

Whilst Mysterio is probably nowhere near as bad as the alien criminal, his case for forgiveness is arguably worse.

He’s continuing to steal the real Cage McKnight’s identity, he has never indicated he’s going to continue to help people after the film is completed. He caused panic and would’ve caused harm had a third party (MJ) not intervened to keep him under control. And his equivalent of sparing a life amounts to giving other criminals the chance to help realize his personal vanity project.

Not to mention, MJ and Beck continuously insist upon the movie being something meaningful but how could they possibly know that. A movie isn’t meaningful just because it means something to the film makers. The audience decides if it’s meaningful or not. Frankly Beck’s insistence he’s giving his staff the chance to make something good and meaningful is egotistical. As though the mere act of film making or his own life story is inherently something with artistic merit or something meaningful in the universe.

Yes, some films are. But even then their ability to do something helpful and positive is relatively limited. A piece of media’s practical abilities to positively contribute to the universe is limited compared to say, donating time or money to the needy. At least there you would’ve done something with a definitive impact even if it was a small one. A movie like this might illicit emotions and make some people feel happy, might inspire them to do good, might make them understand themselves or another better. But the key words there are ‘might’ and ‘maybe’.

When you get right down to it, even the most influential movies don’t positively contribute helping people as much as individuals actually actively doing stuff to help others. I mean are we really  going to say the ‘Black Panther’ film had as much of a positive impact as the Civil Right Movement?

Absolutely not.

Let’s use a fictional example. Would the stage play about the Fantastic Four (as seen in ASM v5 #25) have been as meaningful as the efforts of the actual Fantastic Four in fighting Galactus?

Absolutely not.

I’m not saying films don’t matter or can’t have a meaningful positive impact. I’m just saying if Beck wanted to achieve the latter, there were better options than making a film about himself.

He could’ve donated his ill-gotten gains to needy communities. Or handed over his technology and techniques to the public? Or used his skills to expose white-collar criminals? Or even have started up a company selling his technology and employing criminals semi-legally reducing the need for them to resort to crime.

But he didn’t. He’s fulfilling his own personal dream and making himself centre stage.

As for MJ lying to Peter because she doesn’t want him to worry and has his own problems, see parts 17-18 for why that’s bullshit. And see parts 19-23 for why Peter, and MJ herself, should  be worried about her in this situation. And that was before the Savage Six made them a target, a fact that should have resulted in Peter already being worried.

Hypothetically even if this wasn’t something to worry about, MJ could be open about it with Peter and convince him to relax. He begrudgingly accepted her staying with him during Marvel Knights in spite of the dangers to herself.

She equally made him see sense in ‘Parallel Lives’ after their home had just been attacked.

Whilst this situation is  something to be concerned about, if MJ was in fact in no danger, then she could talk Peter around to trusting her.

I’ll also add she’s had plenty  of time to figure out ‘how to tell him’ the truth. She knows he’s living with Boomerang so right there that’s a potential route to breaking in the conversation. She could bring up Venom, or Sandman or Felicia. There are multiple people they’ve mutually given chances to that could be used as a way to engage with Peter on this topic. By this comic’s own brand of ‘logic’ those are perfectly viable arguments MJ could use.

Don’t get me wrong. Those are false equivalencies. But I’m just saying Williams’ clearly doesn’t think this situation is any different to those ones, therefore there are plenty of grounds for MJ to talk to Peter about this. She even has MJ say ‘of course’ Peter would understand.

It’s almost like Williams knows that this situation cannot actually be justified. Or she’s injecting contrived false drama for the sake of drama with no mind paid to established characterization.

Hence we get trite like MJ saying she ‘will have deceived’ Peter if she’s wrong about Mysterio. First of all, Williams is again acknowledging how asinine her narrative is. She’s acknowledging that MJ is gambling  that her judgement of Beck is on point. Her judgement of a guy who’s power set revolves around misdirection. Second of all, MJ wouldn’t have deceived Peter if  she’s wrong. She’s already  deceived him and is continuing to do so. Thirdly why exactly does Mary Jane get to be the singular person deciding if it is okay to gamble on Beck’s redemption? Who is she exactly to decide if this murderer and abuser is worth keeping out of jail?

In the real world if such a risk is taken it doesn’t ride upon one person’s  decision; at least not in theory.

Let’s move onto Master Matrix. Again, I don’t know enough about him to discuss Beck’s knowledge of him. Maybe it makes sense, or maybe it’s a big question that’s being left unanswered. Regardless, I detest framing Beck as this selfless redeemer through Master Matrix’s subplot. I hate it almost as much as I hate the nonsensical dialogue that follows it.

What the fuck does ‘earning it in reverse’ even mean? I guess it means living up to Beck’s trust? But then why not phrase it that way? Even if that was the intent, see above for why giving MM a chance doesn’t really mean anything. Not to mention, both MM and MJ are just kind of presuming that Beck was in fact being altruistic.

That’s all for now. We’ll resume coverage of the rest of the issue next time.

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Master Post

[rayshippouuchiha]

I came out of Endgame with tears in my eyes and my heart filled up to the brim with absolute seething rage.

Even as I write this now my hands shake with some sick mixture of sadness, rage, and bitter disappointment.

So I preface this by saying that I am emotionally compromised and some of my views might shift with time and distance.

But, for better or for worse, this is my first rage flushed take:

I am so disappointed and so angry that after all of the tension, all of the build, all of the time and sweat and tears, all of the loyalty, we were rewarded with this.

Endgame had its high points, I’m not saying that it didn’t.  There were some genuinely funny moments and some heart rending ones as well.

Every single second Tony Stark was on screen was flawless as always.  Robert Downey Jr. once again proved why he and he alone was suited for the role of Tony Stark and the task of carrying the majority of the MCU for the past 10+ years.

That’s not to say that the rest of the cast wasn’t good.  All of the actors all obviously brought their A game and then some when they were allowed to by what I loosely call a script.

So yeah, there were some highs.

But when its comes to Endgame’s low points?

Its low points were subterranean.

They lowered the bar and then they dug underneath it.

Again I’m writing this basically fresh from the theater and with my emotions still high so do forgive me if this is a bit jumbled around or if I ramble a bit as I cover some of the real issues I had with the film.

So, first thing to address was the overall tone of the film.

For this to be the much glorified Endgame, the “battle of our lives”, there was, in my opinion, a distinct lack of true tension in this film.  Instead of a fraught, nail biting, tension filled ride, Endgame is more of a ... brisk jog through some vaguely sticky situations.

Instead of playing the story straight and giving the situation the gravity it deserved, the narrative went out of its way to put humor that served no other purpose than to ruin what tension had been previously built.  And, in my opinion, the tone of the film suffered for it.

The humor and jokes were humorous, I’m not saying they wasn’t.  I genuinely laughed out loud in the moment.  But I also feel that, with the majority of the comedy that was wedged into the narrative, the film suffered for it.

Now let’s move on a bit to the actual plot of the film.  Again, forgive me if I bounce a bit:

Jeremy Renner was breathtakingly heartbreaking as Clint Barton.  Renner was finally allowed to stretch his legs a bit in this film and he proved that, had he been given the chance, he would have given us a Clint Barton to take our breath away.

Watching with Clint as his family died helped to set what should have been the tone for the majority of the film from there on while reminding us of just what was lost and just what was at stake all at the same time.

Chris Evans brought heart to his portrayal of a Steve Rogers who seems both lighter and more weighted down in this film than ever before.

Scarlett Johansson’s Natasha finally showed more emotion than “head tilt”, “lip purse”, and “arched brow” and it was beautiful.

The brief flash of friendship and affection between Nebula and Tony was perfect and heartwarming as well.  Nebula was magnificent as the “feral space cat desperately in need of softness and a friendly hand” when placed side by side with a slowly withering Tony Stark who is, even at his lowest moments, still kind to this alien cyborg he doesn’t know but to who he owes his life.  They flowed together with an onscreen chemistry in their few moments side by side that felt organic and aching.

Together Tony and Nebula embodied a truly important life/plot point of “meet kindness with kindness and kindness will be your reward”.

Moving forward in time hearing Tony vent his anger and his pain and his distrust at Steve was cathartic in a lot of ways.

As was watching Tony rip the arc reactor from his chest and slap it into Steve’s hand.

In this moment Tony is handing Steve his metaphorical broken heart and leaving someone else to, for once, try and pick up the pieces.

But then, unfortunately, things go rather steeply down hill from there.

With Tony out for the count in a hospital bed the others hunt down and execute Thanos with basically a hand wave and all hope for the stones is lost.

Until deus ex rat-ina unleashes Scott Lang from the quantum realm and the logic of the film takes a sharp left turn.

Scott Lang was missing for 5 years.

To him it was 5 hours.

To which I say, why did Janet van Dyne, age during her stay in the quantum realm?  If, according to the MCU canon, every year in our world was roughly only an hour for Scott Lang, then why didn’t Janet come out of the quantum realm only 30 hours older instead of 30 years?

I feel like the answer is probably “because” but yeah maybe I’m just fuzzy on my Ant Man so if I’m wrong then just ignore that bit please.

Also, just a side note, I adore how it’s been 5 years, Wakanda is very much an ally and still up and running, and yet Rhodey still don’t have working legs.  But alas, racism.

Moving on. 

So with the main villain dead and Tony Stark having solved time travel in his living room, because I stan legends only, we’re now subjected, and that is the very word I’d use to describe what happens next, to what is called a Time Heist.

Cute.

Also Bruce Banner and Hulk have now merged Steven Universe style despite Hulk being scared green-less 5 years ago.  But that’s all good, Bruce smoked a ton of weed, they meditated, went on a cleanse or whatever.

Either way Bruce finally did that character development that everyone had been shouting at him since Avengers 2012 and accepted Hulk as part of him and they’re now Dr. Hulk which was … something that happened?

A thing that they chose to do.  The direction in which they set their narrative wheels and then powered full steam ahead and plowed us right over in the process.

But yeah, Time Heist!  That’s the way to go, the only way apparently.

Because going back in time to stop the Snappening isn’t an option due to reasons that are explained and still look and feel paper thin but probably just honestly boils down to “Russos”

Our intrepid heroes will now split up and surf through time Bill and Ted style to collect the Stones from different points in history.

Yay.

So the rest of the film is basically that, a big old jewel hunt through space and history where the Russos attempt to fool us into thinking their plot points are cohesive and cool by donkey punching us repeatedly in our nostalgia-sacks.

We’re treated to, in no particular order, such hits as:

“Ah 2012 and the invasion of New York only not as interesting but Tony Stark is very much an ass man, but then we been done known that.”

“The Ancient One and her still very distracting skull vein coming at you right now”

“LOKI YOU LITTLE SHIT”

“The one time I envied Scott Lang because, for a split second, he got to be inside Tony Stark”

“Let’s watch Tony Stark simultaneous take a Hulk to the face and have a small cardiac event all at the same time but from different angles”

And let us not forget

“Tee Hee Hee us white bois just had to find a way to make sure Captain America say “Hail HYDRA” but it was for “spy reasons” so weren’t we clever???????”

Yeah boys, great job.

So edgy.

(Although as a side note I do agree, Steve Roger’s ass really is America’s ass and I’d like to thank him for that. Personally.)

But then, of course, Endgame would not have been complete without:

“Steve Rogers stares longingly and creepily at Peggy Carter from behind a window, further backing up his one defining character trait in the MCU which is the inability to move on.  Also she doesn’t look up at all despite being a trained spy and all around badass who probably should have noticed the 6 foot slab of American Beef staring at her from less than a foot away, dark room or no dark room.”

And then my personal favorite:

“Tony Stark sees Howard Stark, the father he described as “calculating, cold, he never told me he was proud of me, never even told me he loved me” but it’s all good cause Tony’s a dad now so looking back all he sees are the good times with his emotionally neglectful and abusive father who says there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for his unborn kid and now they awkwardly hug while I try not to scream “FOOTAGE NOT FUCKING FOUND HOWARD AND NO THAT ONE 3 MINUTE VIDEO DOESN’T COUNT YOU SHIT” at the screen and explode in pure rage.”

Joy.

Truly a scene that was necessary and fit the narrative of Howard Stark’s personality and was needed for Tony to uh get closure or grow as a man and a father or something …

It totally wasn’t yet another excuse to give a canonically abusive father screen time in a way that seems genial and sweet in an attempt to give them a bit of redemption that they neither earned nor deserve.

But yeah, whatever, moving on.

Also Rhodey remains an absolute gem and he and Nebula get shit done.

Only oops, not so fast.

Because apparently the only one who is going to run into the whole “two of you can’t exist in one place at one time without consequences” rule is Nebula who, despite her bitchin orange stripe/badge of character development, managed to like synch up with her past self?

Because she didn’t turn her bluetooth/quantum entanglement function off I guess.

Either way Orange Stripe Nebula, O’Snebula as I call her, has accidentally air dropped all her files into OG Nebula’s mental iPhone.

So yeah now big old Past Grimace knows what’s up.

Ooops??

So shit goes down and then Past Grimace is like “you need to Trogan horse this shit, least favorite daughter” so OG Nebula does because “daddy issues”.

Dr. Hulk puts on the gauntlet and Kentucky fires his arm bringing all the people lost in the Snappening back to life now, 5 years after they got dusted.

Which is … honestly a recipe for disaster in so many ways.  What about the people, like the guy in Steve’s support group, who have started to move on?

What about the people who have remarried, have built new lives?

All of that’s ruined now.

It’s fantastic all those people are alive again but jobs, housing, food, healthcare, government, all of it is back in massive disarray across the universe.

And bringing those people back does nothing to bring back the people who didn’t die in the Snappening but died from causality instead.  All the deaths caused by suicides, by car/bus/train/plane/ship/etc crashes, by a lack of first responders, by the civil/world/interplanetary wars that probably raged across the universe due to entire governments disappearing?

All of those people are still dead.

The Snappening killed half of all life in the universe.  Causality probably killed another good ¼ after that.

And Dr. Hulk’s Un-Snappening saves none of them.

This isn’t a true solution, it’s a shitty band-aid.

But yeah, Russos so….

Moving on.

Yadda Yadda Yadda, plot plot plot. OG Nebula goes undercover, Past Grimace ends up in the future, there’s some fighting (which was admittedly BAD ASS), shit happens, and Tony saves the day like we all knew he would.

YAY!

Despite the massive rambling up above I’m not gonna plot out the entire movie right here though a lot will probably get covered coming up because here’s where I get down and start talking about the various character arcs too.

Because what a wild fucking ride those were.

Okay to take it from the top Scott Lang’s arc was fine.  Beyond my questions about the quantum realm his was clear cut and fine although I do wonder at his luck at being, apparently, the only Scott Lang in San Fran to go missing.  Well either that or he was staring at some other Scott Lang’s name instead of his own and in that case “awkward”.

Bruce’s arc was … look I could have done without all of the cringy Dr. Hulk stuff that they played up for laughs.  If they were gonna brush Hulk being terrified under the rug they could have found a better way to do it besides just erasing the duality between Hulk and Banner with a hand wave.

But yeah, Russos.

Carol Danvers was beautiful and magnificent and completely brushed aside.  Yes she was out in the universe handling shit, yes I know they did that so they could focus on the core Avengers, etc etc etc.

But it’s a damn shame that Carol Danvers, and her glorious haircut, was reduced to being the sorely needed and totally badass cavalry and last minute ace in the hole when she should have, logically, been a part of the vanguard.  Honestly I have thoughts on why Carol’s entire character should have been saved completely for the next phase of the MCU instead of introduced so late in this one but I digress.

O’Snebula was a perfect shining bionic light and I love her.

Gamora is now alive in the future but at what cost?  Not that her life isn’t worth something on its own, it totally is and she deserved the loophole resurrection 10000%.

Shit’s gonna be awkward though cause she doesn’t love Quill, she doesn’t love the Guardians, doesn’t really know O’Snebula or the universe she’s been thrown into.  She doesn’t have the memories or the experiences or the character growth and even if she does go back to her family she’ll never be the same person.

Now her and Quill’s relationship, if they ever have one again, will be reduced down to Quill going “you fell in love with me once you could do it again despite us no longer having the shared experiences that bonded us together”.  Same can be said for the rest of the Guardians as well.

Guess we all know what the plot of GotG 3 is gonna be about.

And that brings us to the story lines that really and truly upset me.

Which is basically all the rest of them.

Natasha/Clint’s combined story-line, Thor’s everything, Steve’s … Steve, and then finally Tony.

Now the Natasha/Clint story-line started out promising.

Clint’s rage and pain was obvious, his heartbreak poignant.  His decision to use all of those to cut a bloody swathe through the criminal underworld was both Dramatic(™) and understandable.

Natasha’s love and grief for him, her desperate attempts to hold onto what she has left by throwing herself into her new job, was a perfect demonstration that Natasha Romanoff is very much not a robot.  She was exhausted, frayed at the edges, and she had tears in her eyes, over Clint.  And then she pulled herself together, slipped her mask back on, and pushed her way forward.  This was all excellent.

It was also a nice narrative callback/parallel to have Natasha be the one to go out and bring Clint in from the cold.

Natasha plays touch stone, plays stability, for Clint and for many of the others.  For the first time Natasha is truly portrayed as a person all the way down to the core instead of some witty quips in a catsuit.  Plus her eyebrows finally came back from the war and her hair looked good again.  So there was that.

Clint and Natasha’s arc comes to a climax on Vormir as they search for the Soul Stone and Red Skull, the Nazi cockroach that he is, gives them the same spiel he gave Thanos.

To get the Soul Stone you must give up the life of the one you love the most. A soul for a soul.

Narrative wise this is consistent, we all knew this would happen as soon as they started searching for the Stones again.  It was obvious.

It was also obvious that Clint was the perfect sacrifice.

He’s got nothing left, his family is dead, he’s already lost the people he loves the most, he’s spent five years being a borderline monster.

And he is also, without a doubt, the thing that Natasha loves the most.

Clint was ready and willing to go, ready to die for the blood on his hands, ready to sacrifice himself for the chance that his family would be saved.

Ready to lay down on the wire and let Natasha walk over him for the sake of everything.

Clint dying made sense, was narratively sound, and heartbreaking.

All of which are only a few of the reasons why Natasha’s death was such a goddamn betrayal.

Instead of following along with the narratively sound death of Clint Barton, an Avenger that’s been ignored for most of the films as is, the Russo brothers instead chose to fridge Natasha.

Clint dying would have been the perfect mirror to Gamora’s death.

Gamora was a daughter unwillingly sacrificed by her father to destroy half of all life in the universe.

Clint would have been a father willingly sacrificed by a friend to save half of all life in the universe, his own sons and daughter included.

But no, we didn’t get that, instead we got a gratuitous scene of Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, splayed angel like and bloody on the rocks below.

Instead they fridged the Black Widow, the only woman of the original Big Six, because they couldn’t bring themselves to fridge a man.

So Clint gets the Soul Stone.

Such a fitting end for the Black Widow right?  Dying in a man’s place, mourned on screen by a circle of men, but ultimately set aside rather quickly.

I understand why Natasha wanted to be the one to go, I understand that she didn’t want Clint’s family to lose their husband/father and that her true family was the Avengers. I get that.  It doesn’t mean I enjoy or agree with the decision they made any more.

It doesn’t make me any less tired of watching female characters die for the sake of men and their families.

Natasha Romanoff sacrificed herself for the universe and her family and that deserves respect even if I absolutely hate it as a narrative choice.

Oh and what about the absolute NERVE of the Russos to have that awesome Lady Power Battle Strut happen but only after they killed Natasha, one of the Big Six?

Bitter? Me? Nooo.

Now, moving on to Thor.

Thor.

Oh my actual God, Thor.

The levels of disrespect Thor, Chris Hemsworth, and the fans were shown with this character arc/story-line in Endgame is breathtaking.

The absolute, shameless disrespect.

They turned Thor into a cowardly, drunken slob who has spent the last 5 years ignoring his responsibilities to what’s left of his people and instead has spent his time drinking, sulking, and literally yelling at kids over PSN??

Endgame’s Thor has the bullshit reasoning that he needs to stop trying to be who he thinks he should be and instead be who he is.

Which flies completely in the face of literally all of his character development from Thor all the way to Thor 3 and then Infinity War.

The entirety of Thor 3 was Thor’s hero’s journey culminating in him finally being the king he was always meant to be.  Finally maturing and stepping forward to lead his people.

I am supposed to believe that Thor, depressed and guilty or not for not killing Thanos when he had the chance the first time, just abandoned his people like that?

I’m supposed to believe that Thor would piss all over everything the majority of his family and friends died for?

I’m supposed to believe that Heimdall, Loki, countless soldiers, and The Warrior’s Three and Lady Sif (I guess), all died to protect Asgard, died for the people and for Thor, and Thor just what? Turns his back on all of that to become a drunk?

No, Thor wouldn’t do that.  Thor should have been down there beside Valkyrie working those fishing vessels when Bruce and Rocket came calling.  If Thor had any hesitance to join them it should have been, “I can’t abandon my people, I am needed here.”  He should have been fiercely guarding the tiny fraction of Asgard that’s left.

Thor’s depression and guilt was valid. Don’t mistake me on that. But they played it for jokes.  They made him a caricature of depression, made him “gross” and incompetent and the butt of the jokes, and in the process diminished what should have been a painful and poignant arc for Thor.

Instead we got Big Lebowski Thor, bathrobe included, who does stand up and fight yes but, in the end, gives up his crown and just fucks off to space to have petty pissing competitions with Peter Quill so he can?? find himself?? despite finding himself in Ragnarok already???

Thor’s entire arc in Endgame was shallow, mishandled, and disrespectful to the character, to Chris Hemsworth, and to the fans.

You, we, he, all deserved better than this.

Now we get to Steve.

Steve Rogers, Captain America himself.

I’ve had a lot of salt about Steve’s character and actions in the MCU but, all of that aside, he deserved so much more than what the Russo’s did to him in Endgame.

Hell he’s deserved so much more than what’s been done to him since post-CA:TFA.

But this is about Endgame specifically soooo….

Steve’s shown leading a support group in the beginning of Endgame, is shown talking about moving on and moving forward and learning to let go. Which is wonderful.  It sounds like the exact character development we’ve all been waiting for for Steve.

Which is, of course, the exact moment when Steve goes “nah just kidding, we don’t ever move on”.

Which, given the circumstances, is pretty fair.  If Steve was only thinking/talking about Thanos and the events of Infinity War.

But of course he wasn’t.

CA:CW should have been the end of the Peggy Carter saga for Steve.  He mourned her, he was finally moving forward, he’d kissed Sharon, he threw everything away to save Bucky, he gave up his shield, etc etc.

But no.  Endgame finds him right back there, clutching that goddamn compass, and making moon eyes at a woman who we all thought went on and lived a life without him, got married, had kids, and generally existed outside of Steve Rogers.

But no.  The Russo’s had to take that away from us too.

And yes yes I know I know multiverse or whatever but still.

Steve steamrolls his way through Endgame with skill and determination.  He picks up Thor’s hammer, finally worthy, which how??? Why???  (perhaps because he’s no longer keeping secrets??? Or maybe that’s just my salt talking? Who knows? Not me?)

And then he fights Thanos head to head.

(Although him wielding the hammer brought up an entire separate set of issues cause I’m pretty sure Mjolnir doesn’t actually summon lightning. Ragnarok pretty much said that the lightning has always been within Thor.  Mjolnir was just a control accessory.  But, you know, Russos *jazzhands*)

And then, in the end, he insists on returning the Stones on his own.

Only he doesn’t come back like he was supposed to.

Instead we’re given old Steve Rogers.

Because Steve returned the Stones and then ….went and found Peggy Carter and got married and lived an entire life with her ignoring everything he would have known was going to happen to her and around the both of them or something???

Or maybe not if the multiverse thing holds up but then who knows any more???

But then how did Old Steve end up right there by that lake on that day at that right time if he’s technically from a different multiverse???

Either way Sam gets his shield and the mantle of Captain America, which was fantastic, and Bucky more than likely knew Steve’s plan all along but the best read I really got on him was basically “eh” so he might well have been happy for Steve too.

But still, instead of finally achieving peace and continuing to learn to live in the future with Bucky and Sam and the remnants of the Avengers, his family and the life he’s built there over the past years, instead of putting the shield down because he’s learned to let go in the now, Steve only puts the shield down because he chooses the past.

He chooses the past over all of that and all of the people left who love him. Sure the argument could be said that he knew they’d be alright but still.

There is a deep well of dissatisfaction inside of me as to how Steve’s entire ending arc was handled.  Why did peace only come to Steve after Tony and Natasha were both dead and then was only found in the past?

No disrespect to Peggy Carter, I adore her, but were the relationships he had in the future worth so little that the past was the only place he could find happiness?  A past with a woman that he knows loved him but still moved on and found happiness outside of him, lived a full and happy life without him?

Steve didn’t get a character arc so much as he got a character circle.  A character loop.  He went right back to where he started.

Endgame erases all of the character development Steve underwent post-Avengers.  Just brushes it all under the rug.

The Russo’s stole the character development Steve Rogers spent a decade undergoing to give him their version of a happy ending.

They robbed him and us both of every bit of growth and forward motion Steve has underwent and I will never forgive them for that.

And now we get to Tony Stark.

Anthony Edward Stark.

The Iron Man.

Tony’s arc is, was, the longest and best developed arc in the entirety of the MCU.

It’s spanned 10+ years and has been nurtured and hand fed by Robert Downey Jr.

If Endgame got one thing right, one thing at all, it’s how they handled the majority of Tony’s arc.

From him laying the smack down on Steve once he was home, finally venting his emotions and his anger, all the way to him solving time travel before tucking his kid into bed, and then building an Infinity Gauntlet on his own even though Thanos committed genocide to get the one he had.

Tony Stark’s arc was glorious and expected and sad.

I think that my one almost complaint is that Tony stopped for 5 years.  On one hand he deserved the rest, deserved the chance to find happiness.  He was hurt and tired and he’d faced his demons and been left bleeding out with the death of half the universe weighing on his shoulders.

He deserved to just stop for a while.

On the other hand stopping is not something Tony has ever been good at, just like Pepper said.  A part of me thought Tony would be working, frantically, to find something, anything, to turn back the hands of time.  To track Thanos down. To get the Stones and then to get everything else back.

To get Peter and all of the others back.

But that’s not the route they went and I’m … okay? I guess, with that.

Tony was validated and vindicated and everyone would have finally listened to him.  It only took the death of half of the universe to do it.  But he was too tired, too hurt and untrusting to keep pushing.  I can respect that.

But of course once an idea worms its way inside Tony can’t let it go.  So he solves time travel on the fly and sets out to save the world.

Again.

His one stipulation is that he will do anything, everything, he has to in order to keep what he has now.  His wife Pepper and Morgan, his sweet little daughter.

So of course he doesn’t get to do that either.

After all of the blood, sweat, suffering, and mental illnesses, Tony doesn’t get his happy ending.  Not really.

He gets to rest, yes, but he loses out on everything he wanted to do with his kid.  In the process of saving the universe he becomes the one thing he never wanted to be for Morgan, a distant father.

A face on a screen, stories, memories other people have.

No matter how many holograms or inventions or whatever Tony left to Morgan, it’ll never replace him.

Morgan got 5 years with her father.  She’ll spend the rest of her life hearing stories about him, about how much of a hero he was.  And hopefully, with Pepper and all the others behind her, Tony will remain a hero to her and will not, instead, become her version of Captain America.  An untouchable symbol that Morgan will never live up to.

So, in the end, Tony sacrifices once again.

Watches the future he wanted crumble to dust in his fingers, lightning scorching him from the inside out as infinity rips him apart.

And he dies there, surrounded by some of the people who love him best.

His best friend.

His wife.

The son he almost had.

And, despite all of that, it is very very fitting that his death was at his own hands.

Thanos could take out half the universe, he could traverse time and space, he could humble Thor, terrorize the Hulk, rip Steve Roger’s up, survive shield and hammer and so much more, but the one thing he couldn’t do?

He couldn’t kill Tony Stark.

The only thing that could kill Iron Man, could kill Tony Stark, was his own heart.

Tony Stark takes the Infinity Stones in hand knowing how this is going to end, knowing that Stephen Strange set him on this path years ago.

Because didn’t Strange warn him?  Didn’t Strange tell him outright “I’ll let the kid and you both die to protect the Time Stone”?

Tony just never expected it to take a few hours and then 5 more years for Strange’s promise to finally be fulfilled.

So Tony does it knowing that after everything he’s been through, all of the pain and the suffering and the battles, it was only enough to have earned 5 years of happiness, 5 years of his dream.

5 years of being the father he always swore he’d be.

Tony Stark takes the Infinity Stones and dies for the entire universe, for his family, for his daughter.  Dies knowing that he’ll be doing the one thing he didn’t want to do, swore he would never do.

Leaving them behind.

Tony Stark brings us full circle as he stands as both equal and mirror of Thanos once again.

Man to Titan.  Good Father to Bad Father.  Life to Death.

Tony Stark picks up the weight of the universe and then he dies making sure that it has a future free from the same fear that has haunted him for a decade.

A warm light for all mankind, sent to sleep, to rest, knowing that finally everything will be okay.

And all he had to do was die for it.

So, I’ll close this out saying this:

This was written in one solid push after my first viewing and Endgame was dissatisfying for me as you might have guessed.  I am disappointed and angry at so much they chose to do to end out this iconic decade of cinema and to close out these character’s arcs.

There were a lot of points and little details I didn’t get to cover in this and perhaps a lot of points you might not agree with me on.

That’s okay.

Because, no matter what, there is one thing I know for sure.

We, I, will always have Tony Stark and the lessons he taught me.  The pain he endured and shared with all of us.  The bravery and strength he inspired in so many of us as we watched him struggle with physical and mental illnesses on screen.  As we watched him obsess and stress and love and grow.

I have never loved a character more than I love Tony Stark.

I have never been impacted by a character as much as I have been by Tony Stark.

I’m not sure if I ever will again.

So, Tony Stark is Iron Man.

He always will be.

And he saved more than just some fictional universe.

He saved a lot of us along the way too.

And we’ll always love him for that.

[rt8815]

OC Ask Game

I was tagged by the amazing @illegalcerebral

I put a Keep Reading link because this is looong.

1) Name (and why you chose it if you like) McKinley Campbell Durand. I named her after McKinley Morganfield, better known as Muddy Waters. However, the “in universe?” reason that will be given - which I haven’t written yet - is that McKinley and Campbell are family names from a few generations back.

Campbell comes from the Gaelic words for ‘crooked’ and ‘mouth.’ I just like the name. Here’s a post (that I had to rewrite because Tumblr’s a dick and wouldn’t let me edit the typos in the original. The rewrite had typos too! Blargh!) that discusses her first and last names. I thought it would be funny for her full name to consist solely of last names.

2) Fandom and how they fit into the story Criminal Minds. She works at a D.C. museum practically around the corner from the J. Edgar Hoover building (as indicated in “Let It Bleed”). That’s a tiny hint that it’s the National Museum of African American History & Culture, but I don’t think I’ll mention it very often, if for no other reason than I’ve never been to the NMAAHC and don’t want to describe it inaccurately.

The official story is that Spencer and McKinley met at the museum (again, in “Let It Bleed,” which is probably the least favorite thing of mine that I’ve written). However, they’d met once before, and texted a few times after that. Because my brain is all over the place, and because I’m telling the story in non-chronological order, I haven’t written their first meeting yet. The only details I’ve revealed thus far are that it was nighttime in a park, McKinley caught Spencer off guard and made him fall to the ground, and whatever they talked about set Spencer straight and lifted his spirits. Also, a swingset was involved. Beyond that, I’ve inserted McKinley into the plotlines and events of the show, with necessary alterations, and there’s a ton of domestic Spencer and off-duty team stuffs.

3) Do they have any family? Biological family: daughter Sophie and son Jason; her Mom (no name yet); maternal grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins; and her estranged father (no name yet). Chosen/found family: husband Spencer; the BAU.

4) As a child, what did they want to be when they grew up? When she was a toddler, McKinley wanted to be a pediatrician (a doctor just for kids?! Cool!) or an ophthalmologist (she’s worn glasses practically her whole life). As an older child she aspired to be an entomologist or herpetologist. In her teenage years she considered a career in forensic pathology or criminal psychology. While earning her BA in English, she discovered that Public History was her true calling.

5) Their greatest dream To be a good Mom. To inspire learning in others.

6) Their worst nightmare Losing her family; having to see her father again.

7) Strengths Empathy, insight/self awareness, forgiving nature but knowing when to cut her losses

8) Weaknesses McKinley struggles with imposter syndrome.

She can be very mean. I mean, downright nasty cruel, verbally. This is rare though because, and I’m paraphrasing a future bit of dialogue here, anyone whose behavior could arguably warrant such a response is beneath her notice and not worth the effort. She’s more likely to close the door on someone. When she’s removed a person from her life, she is done. They become literally nothing to her. McKinley will rightly claim that this is about self-preservation and boundaries, but she really takes it to the next level.

9) What would they chose between: morning and night, sweet and savoury, beaches or meadows, cities or countryside, winter or summer, Christmas or Halloween (sorry, Spencer!), movies or TV shows, action or rom-com, clowns or vampires, stars or the moon (both!), cocktails or pints [Neither. McKinley doesn’t care for cocktails or beer. Scotch, brandy, rum, and dry wines are her poisons. She’s been known to add Kahlúah to vanilla ice cream, Baileys Irish Cream to coffee (she wants to try Drambuie next), or make hot toddies when she has a cold (obviously not mixing any alcohol with any medicine)]

10) How do they relax? Reading, or having Spencer read to her; knitting; listening to her records or playing her guitar; exercising with Boogie so she’s exhausted enough to sleep that night; baking and cooking

11) What makes them angry? Injustice, apathy/indifference, ableism, willful ignorance

12) What makes them afraid? The awful things she’d possibly do under duress; her family getting hurt or worse; spiders and other bugs that bite and/or sting

13) What is a moment from their childhood that has shaped who they are? It’s not a single event, but growing up with an abusive parent has certainly had a lifelong impact on McKinley. You’ve heard the expression “once bitten, twice shy?” She’s “once bitten, there’s no twice because you no longer exist.” She’s working on that. It’s also cultivated empathy, though, and is part of the reason she volunteers in the hospital’s rehab wing.

14) Do they have a sense of humour? Intellectual humor, pop culture references, puns/Dad jokes, science jokes. Sometimes morbid.

15) What do they value in their friends/loved ones? Honesty and empathy

16) Do they have any pets? An Aussie Collie/Border Aussie named Boogie-Woogie. He’s her first child.

17) Worst memory? Probably the day Meadows shot her and she thought she’d never see Spencer and Penny again.

18) Best memory? The days Sophie and Jason were born. Minus, y’know, the agonizing pain of labor and delivery.

19) Do they have any tattoos? (If no would they get one?) Nope and nope

20) If you could write them into another fandom, which one would you choose? If I knew the MCU better, I’d love to write her in as a Stark Tower employee! She’d be an anthropologist and would study alien societies the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. have encountered. She’d naturally be drawn to Loki, initially in a professional capacity (they quickly discover they relate to each other on a personal level as well).

He’d first find her annoying: “Why are you pestering me, Mortal? Surely you’d rather interview my oaf of a brother?”

“No, not even remotely. He only ever wants to discuss battles he’s won. There’s so much more to Asgard and the other realms than that. I want - I need - to learn your literature, your science, your culture and history. You’re well versed in all of these subjects and you’re an excellent teacher.”

He stares at her impassively over his mug of tea, but his heart - that Judas of an organ - flutters slightly at the compliment. And how can he say no to a fellow scholar?

“I prefer your company to Thor’s too. You have this calming presence. Thor’s sweet but he’s also obnoxiously loud and brash and he always hugs me even though I keep telling him I don’t like it. And he’s constantly swinging his hammer around, which makes me think he’s overcompensating for something.”

Loki nearly chokes on his tea. Yes, this mortal is considerably more tolerable than others.

“Very well. Friday evenings at 6:00, my chambers. Arrive late and suffer my wrath.”

From that day forward, whenever Thor tries to hug her, he gets mildly electrocuted.

Did I accidentally sorta kinda write a drabble? Would anyone be interested in making this a collab? That’s what they’re called, right? (Can you tell I’ve given this some thought? Haha! I have even more details in my head.)

21) Do they like their job? (What else would they do if they could?) She loves it! Hmmm, what else…? A librarian maybe. Or animate and produce an educational cartoon series.

22) What is their sexuality? Demisexual

23) Do they believe in love at first sight? Soulmates? One true love? McKinley believes in “seeing the potential for a good relationship at first conversation.”

Yes, although she feels that term has become overused and poorly redefined.

People can find love again after it’s been lost.

24) What music do they listen to? Has that changed over time? I actually recently answered an ask about this. Yes, she grew up on what passed for country in the ‘90s. God help her, she had a boyband phase in junior high.

25) Can they cook? What food do they love? McKinley does pretty well in the kitchen. She loves a wide variety of food. She grew up in the south, so tons of carbs/comfort foods. She loves Thai, Japanese, and Indian food. She cooks up Middle Earth-inspired dishes (ha! nerd). She’s especially proud of a seed cake she bakes.

26) What are their hopes for the future? For her family to be healthy, safe and happy. To be debt free.

27) How do they react to being threatened? It’s a coin flip. McKinley might curl up like an armadillo and hope the predator gets bored and leaves, or she might kick the stool out from under them and cause their chin to slam into the bar and crack several teeth.

28) What is their love language? McKinley and Spencer both exhibit the Acts of Service love language, because just saying “I love you” isn’t enough. You ought to show it. She’ll randomly bake doughnuts for Spencer or play guitar for him in bed, and he’ll take care of laundry, dishes, and any other chores he sees need doing.

Quality Time is important for them too. Once a month, Luke and Penny babysit so Spencer and McKinley have a day alone together. It doesn’t really matter what they do. The point is it’s just them.

It caught McKinley by surprise how much she enjoys physical affection, given that she can be touch averse but holy moly she was more touch starved than she realized. She lives for snuggles and makeout sessions and playing with each others’ hair. When one of them doesn’t want to be touched, they hook their pinkies together.

29) What do they find most challenging in relationships? At work? In general? At work she struggles to gain her colleagues’ respect (think “Boy Genius” treatment except she has lady bits). In general, she struggles with trusting people.

30) What do you as a creator love best about writing this character? Giving her everything I wish I had but don’t.

Bonus: Include a link to your favourite work with this OC or write a small drabble.

October 12, 2021

Warm sunlight filtered through the curtains, gently rousing Spencer from a pleasant sleep. Just when he’d decided to get up, he felt the mattress dip behind him and his wife’s breath fanning over his ear.

“Who’s the birthday boy?” whispered McKinley.

Spencer smiled softly but feigned being asleep.

“Who’s the birthdaaay boooy?” she repeated, bouncing slightly.

“The good-looking guy to your left?”

“Happy Birthday!” she laughed, pressing kisses along his neck, suddenly shifting the mood from playful to sexy.

“Would the birthday boy like his birthday present?” she asked as she lifted the covers.

“Well, look at that - it’s already unwrapped!”

[transformersimagines]

To Be Decided

This was inspired by a fanfiction that I rediscovered thats a Tranformers Shattered Glass universe. It’s kind of a mix of prime and G1 characters that I enjoy the idea of that so thats what I just ran with it. This is yet another one fo those things I randomly wrote while I was sitting through a lecture. 

Heres the link to the fanfiction if you guys wanted to give it a read and see what I’m talking about. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9739745/1/Shattered-Illusions

“Good morning Megatron. You wave as you step into his office. He glances up from the data-pad he is reading and smiles.

“Good morning to you (Y/n), to what do I owe this pleasure?” He asks. The door slides shut behind you and you opt to lean against the door frame, careful not to trigger the door to open again.

“Do I need some sort of reason to stop by and say hi?” You say with a smile. Megatron sets down his datapad and looks down at you over the table’s edge.

“Of course not, but considering Breakdown is lingering in the hallway outside the door I assume you have something you want to ask me.” Megatron points out with a small smile. Your casual demeanor quickly deflates at being found out. You awkwardly laugh and adjust yourself against the wall.

“Well.. we were wondering, Breakdown and I, if we could… go into town?” You ask. You watch as Megatron’s face falls into a frown, you already know what that meant.

“(Y/n)...” Megatron starts, trailing off.

“I know the dangers, but it’s been three months since I’ve actually been off the Nemesis. I only want maybe an hour in town at most and Breakdown would be with me if the Autobots did even show up.” You explain, pleading your case. Megatron sighs and leans back in his chair.

“Then you should know I can’t risk Breakdown or your life like this. If you are ambushed Breakdown will not be able to properly protect you and himself. I know you haven’t really seen what the Autobots can do, but they are brutal. And before you suggest taking another else along with you, we are short-handed as it is and can not afford to leave the Nemesis unguarded just for a small field trip.” Megatron explains sternly.

“I understand.” You sigh, staring down at the floor in defeat.

“It won't be too much longer (Y/n). The Autobots will soon move onto bigger problems and forget about your relationship with us.” Megatron offers. You nod in response, you were just a weak human that ended up being in the wrong place at the wrong time that didn’t actually matter at all.

“Ok.” You turn your back to Megatron and walk out of his office, Breakdown was waiting in the hallway for you.

“Sorry kiddo, you heard the boss. It was a good try though.” Breakdown says.

“Ya, but I was hoping for a little more success.” You sigh, walking with Breakdown towards the rec area.

“Don’t worry too much (Y/n), this whole thing with the Autobots will blow over soon enough” Breakdown comforts. But when would this blow over? The shock-and-awe of the Nemesis and their alien-ness had worn off with your three months no stop exploring this place and asking everyone questions you could imagine. Once you both arrived in the rec area the few bots that were hanging around glance over.

“Looks like your plan didn’t go over so well with Megatron.” Starscream notes.

“Ya, he didn’t really go for the idea.” You nod, making your way over to the ladder that would take you up to the table’s top.

“Ta’ Autobots have been gettin’ fierce as of late, probably for the best.” Soundwave comments. You notice Frenzy and Rumble playing their Switch as you reach the top of the table. They both wave at you.

“Means we can finally have our rematch! I’m sure Frenzy just got lucky.” Rumble jokes, earning a well-natured punch from his brother. You were kind of getting tired of everyone feeling sorry for you, telling you it's better to stay put on the ship. God, you were going to lose it.

“If you want, I can see if Megatron would be willing to let you join me and the other seeker on a short patrol? Not exactly a trip to the town.” Starscream offers.

“I would honestly take anything at this point, thank you Starscream.” You really did love the Decepticons, but they were extremely overprotective (you didn’t even want to remember the time you caught a small cold, knockout practically short-circuited).

As you play a few games on the switch with some bots they slowly filter in and out of the rec area. Now you were just watching some videos on YouTube, the only bots that were in the room were Sideswipe and Sunstreaker hanging around in their usual dark corner. They were former Autobots, as they didn’t really care to change their insignia, but you could definitely tell anyways based on their darker colors and attitude. They were an interesting conversation, to say the least, though anyone would be hard-pressed to even get a few words out of them regularly. The only reason they seemed to talk to you at all was because of the help you offered after a particularly swampy mission. You were bored and didn’t mind getting your hands a little dirty and they were desperate. Now whenever the twins, especially Sunstreaker, had a particularly messy mission they would ‘ask’ (more like demand) your help with the hard to reach areas. You never really minded considering they were the only ones that would tell you what happened on their missions and wouldn’t sugar coat it.

“Hey, human.” Sideswipe says. You pull out your headphones and look up from your phone to find both the twins had moved from there corner to sit at your table. You rolled your eyes slightly at the ‘human’ comment, you still happened gotten them to use your actual name.  

“Hey yourself, what's up?” You ask, kind of confused. You eyed them up and down, they didn’t look like they needed your help for anything and you definitely weren't doing anything particularly interesting.

“Heard about what happened with Megatron.” Sideswipe says. Sunstreak leans in against his arm with a playful smile.

“Ya, what a rejection.” Sunstreaker adds.

“Yep, he wasn’t exactly on board with my small field trip to town.” You state bitterly.

“Well, ya didn’t go about it the right way.” Sunstreaker says, his smile becoming more of a mischievous grin.

“Oh really, and what would have been the ‘right way’ of doing it?” You ask, looking between the two bots.

“With a case such as yours, you never ask for permission, only forgiveness.” Sunstreaker says. You had considered sneaking out before, but no one would even think to disobey Megatron.

“I considered the whole sneaking out idea, but there's no one in this ship who would even think to disobey Megatron, they are big sweethearts and extremely overprotective.” You explain. The only people who would are the twins, but you didn’t think you were ever going to get close enough to ask.

“You just haven’t asked the right bots.” Sideswipe says.

“You guys wanna sneak me out?” You joke.

“Why not Sides?” Sunstreaker says, looking to his brother.

“Would be a good way to even things out.” Sideswipe suggests. Now you were confused.

“Even what out?” You ask.

“All your help after missions, we hate to have to owe someone.” Sideswipe says. I guess that made some sort of sense, not wanting to have that hanging over your head, not that you were ever going to demand favors in return.

“Let's do this then!” You exclaim, already excited at the thought of the open air, sunlight, and unhealthy food (Knockout, bless his spark, had really healthy food for you but didn’t understand the concept of a ‘cheat day’).

There were only a few bots you had ridden with, none of which were as luxurious as the Lamborghinis the twins transformed into. You made sure not to explore Sideswipes interior too much, sill hyper-aware he could feel everything you did. You simply sat still and stared out the window and watched as your hometown came into view.  

“You know the rules. stay in sight, avoid cameras, and only an hour.” Sideswipe recaps as he pulls up to the curb in front of your favorite spot to get a snack.

“Heard. Stay close, no cameras, hour.” You repeat, opening the passenger door and jumping out. You pull up your hood before walking in.

Snack in hand you sit on a bench just a few feet away from the twins. They were actually the ones causing more of a scene than you. As super fancy cars anyone who was walking by was snagging a selfie or picture. Any time someone got too close they would either honk or sound their car alarm, with the few people that didn’t scare as easily I would yell at. Once you have finished your snack you just leaned back on the bench and closed your eyes, enjoying the warm sun, the cool wind that chilled the air. As time started to tick away you feel someone sit on the bench with you. You peak and see a well-dressed man in a business casual attire, slicked-back black hair and a cocky demeanor.

“You seem to be enjoying yourself.” His joking comment only cemented your guess, his tone harsh trying to make fun of you.

“Something wrong with that?” You counter, not wanting to be perturbed by this man's attitude problem.

“I don’t know, just looks like your hiding something under that hood.” He remarks, reaching out the tap your hood but you move away from his touch.

“It is a little chilly out, it's perfectly reasonable to be wearing a hoodie.” You explain scooting father away from this man. You look around for another empty bench to move too.

“Geeze, I’m just asking. I’m looking for someone so seeing you sitting here in a hoodie all alone raised some red flags with me.” The man explains, throwing up his hands in defense.

“What are you some detective or something?” You counter. The man laughs at your comment, shaking his head.

“You could say that. I’m kind of like a private eye. Outside parties hire me and I find the people for them.” He says, pulling out one of those bigger vapes.

“Well your not very good at blending in. Not a real undercover look you got going.” You criticize. He smirks before taking a big inhale of his vape.

“Well,” He blows the smoke at you, causing you to inhale it and start coughing, “I find that this look makes me less suspicious than a big coat, sunglasses, and a hat.” You nod at his statement as you continue to cough.

“I guess so. Who are you looking for anyway, some big baddie?” You ask between coughs. You caught the man's smile grows more sinister.

“I never really ask my clients what they did, you would have to tell me, (Y/n)?” He asks, taking another inhale of his vape. You look over at him in surprise as you continue to cough, unable to really respond. He exhales another smoke cloud that blows by you. You stand up quickly and move to leave, one of your hands covering your mouth.

“The funny thing about this is how innocent it looks,” He jesters to the vape in his hand,” Nothing stands out about it, but the funny thing is…” He trails off, slipping it back in his pocket and standing up, “you can lace just about anything to the many chemicals in the juice.” You step away from him. What was he talking about? You became aware of the uncomfortable pressure in your lungs. It felt like someone was slowly squeezing your lungs, making it harder to breathe.  

“Now I am not affected because I worked hard to develop an immunity, but to anyone else, it might just have an effect.” He grins. “Now, if you come with me (Y/n) I can fix you right up with this,” He pulls out a small bottle with a liquid that had a slight yellowish consistency, “or we can do this the hard way and see how long you’ll last before you come running back to me. You won't die, but damn does it really sting after a while.” He throws the bottle in the air before catching it and sliding it into his pocket, taking a step closer to you. You continue to back away, looking back at Sideswipe just a few feet away.

“Come on (Y/n), there's someone who really wants to see you. He’s quite an impatient fellow, I would hate to leave him waiting too long.” The man says, adding a slight bitterness to the last bit of his statement. He holds out his hand for you to take with a triumphant smile on his face.

Your lungs were really starting to get irritated, you notice a small tremor in your hand you couldn’t seem to control. Whatever this guy did was not good at all and was taking effect pretty fast. This was exactly why Megatron didn’t want you to leave the Nemesis. Here you were, in danger because of the Autobots. Though I’m sure no one would have imagined they would hire a human to go after you. It had to be the Autobots, right? There is no one else looking for you that would take these kinds of measures. Would Knockout be able to fix you? Stop whatever this poison was doing. But then you would get in so much trouble, probably never get to leave the Nemesis ever again.

“I’ve done this so many times, there's nowhere you can go I won't be able to find you.” The man adds, continuing to walk towards you, grabbing your arm. What were you thinking! You probably would go through much worse if you went with this man, the Autobots were going to kill you in the best scenario. It would be well worth captivity in the Nemesis if you got to keep living.

“No!” You shout, yanking your arm from the man's grip and sprinting towards Sideswipe. He already has his door open for you and you jumped in, the door slamming shut behind you. Your tossed around as Sideswipe guns it out of his parking spot and back towards the Nemesis.

“Human are you ok?” Sideswipe asks. Your still viciously coughing, the tremor in your hand was starting to move up your arm. You couldn’t control the muscles as they spazzed.  

“That was a human, would Optimus really get a human to work with them?!” Sunstreaker asks, surprised. You were struggling to get your breathing under control as it got harder and harder to breathe.

“I don’t know, maybe Prowl put it together, we’ll have to tell Megatron about this.” Sideswipe responds.

“Scrap, we are going to be in some serious trouble!” Sunstreak curses. Gosh, all your friends were going to be freaking out, you just hopped that Knockout would be able to do something. And that Megatron wasn’t going to be super angry.

[dragonofyang]

Ok but...I feel like VLD S7-8 would’ve been a bit more interesting (jeez what an understatement...) if they had framed it as a sort of redemption arc for Team Voltron themselves. They caused the invasion of Earth by leaving Lotor in the Rift and now they have to deal with the consequences. But nope, cause Heroes never make mistakes right?

I suppose focusing so tightly on Allura should have left some holes in my analysis, and you’re absolutely right! I wanted to focus on Allura exclusively since the Heroine’s Journey model is so new compared to the Hero’s Journey and it fits it just so friggin’ well. Honestly, it’s kinda mind-blowing to me that I never learned about it until this year but it’s such a fascinating story structure. Mostly I’ll be discussing s8 in this response because the edits made to 7 would have been done prior to production completion, and they primarily were focused on including the MFE pilots and removing Lotor’s sympathetic backstory and moving it to s8e2 “Shadows”.

I suppose my biggest hiccup with my meta is that I kinda sorta ignored the majority of the cast by focusing on Allura XD because you’re right, narratively it’s interesting to see the fallout but also it’s structurally necessary for the Paladins to face consequences of a situation they caused. That would be a part of not only Allura’s arc as a Heroine but the Paladins’ as heroes (regardless of whether they fit the Hero’s Journey monomyth), as well as contextually appropriate given how this is a Y-7 and generally kids’ shows are educational in some way. While we see Allura be conflicted about leaving Lotor in the Rift almost as soon as Keith gives the order to leave, the team and the rest of the Voltron Coalition continue to applaud it as a good decision, and then in the version of s8 on Netflix either tacks in Lotor as a “big bad guy we defeated” using cut-and-pasted dialogue or simply ignores him as a character. I imagine Team V’s redemption would have begun in earnest after Allura’s descent into the underworld and her returning with the knowledge that not only is Lotor alive but that he needs to be rescued.

Having the team be in the trenches of their mistake not only highlights Allura’s conflict within herself--after all, she effectively destroyed the part of herself that she was afraid to accept in the same stroke as seemingly-killing Lotor--but it also demonstrates how the team’s biggest mistake in this is that they didn’t stop and listen. Allura’s mental health is at stake here from the very start. She’s listless, she feels alone and isolated, and none of her friends seem to notice beyond telling her to take a night off work.

Lance, much as I love what he could’ve been, would have been critical to the turnaround necessary not only for Lotor to get his vindication/redemption, but also to trigger the necessary metamorphosis of Team V from heroes who failed a challenge into true Heroes who make things right and grow. Instead, in the s8 on Netflix, Lance fulfills the role of the ogre in Allura’s Heroine’s Journey, and seems to be more possessive of Allura in the latter half of the season, rather than being given the opportunity to become quite probably the first of the Paladins to actually back her up in the proposal to save Lotor. Tbh if anything I’d wager that when it’s time to step up to the plate in the original s8, Lance more than makes up for the nonsense of the first half of s8 and probably convinces Pidge next that it’s a good idea to save Lotor. And Pidge being crazy smart would pick up on all the strategic benefits that Allura might not have elaborated on, as well as the subtextual emotional motivation.

And the cool thing about this is that it would give Paladin Allura the opportunity to redeem herself to herself. Because she shut down emotionally when she left Lotor in the Rift. Lotor represented the side of her she feared, the emotional, the feminine tempering to his masculinity, and shutting him in the Rift meant she was also shutting herself away from her own emotions and ability to temper the path her father left for her. As an Animus, Lotor encourages balance to Allura internally, but if he’s gone then so is that balance, so taking the initiative to not only save Lotor but revive him would solve this problem twofold: she would be saving him and righting the wrong that Voltron committed, but she would also be taking that critical step and acknowledging, approaching, and bringing to light the things she might not have wanted to face before. By rescuing him and effectively asking his forgiveness, she’s also forgiving herself and able to take those steps forward to unify herself and the universe.

In turn, all these redemptions and salvations would culminate in the storming of the pyramid, which would be Allura’s Heroine’s Journey climax and the point where Team V as a whole really ascends back to herodom. I mean, one key thing to remember is that since Team V has all the protagonists and serve as our lens into this fantastical world of aliens and robots, so the redemption is pretty much inevitable, but that doesn’t change the fact that they would be righting a wrong and redeeming themselves. It’s just that we see it with heroes rather than antagonists. With “Shadows”, you’re really supposed to see Team V as bad at being good, at least where Lotor’s concerned, but by righting their own wrong it gives them the ability to then move forward and help Lotor and Allura have that final showdown with Honerva and fix the universe, but only after they’ve proven themselves worthy of the title of “heroes”.

And again: this is a Y-7. It’s geared towards kids as a general rule but like a lot of DreamWorks stuff, it’s generally considered a family show. Cool as literary sex metaphors and facing permanent consequences are, you can’t mentally scar kids for life. The heroes gotta do their thing, but the important thing is that they earn it. They’re not Prince Charming in a Disney film who happens to be in the right place at the right time, they’re Hiccup and Toothless, learning to work together and fighting for the right reasons even when the odds are stacked against them, and that the dragons aren’t bad by nature, but by circumstance, and that they’re just as much victims as the Berkians. It’s a show that handles big themes and big questions that little kids might not realize they’re asking yet, but it gives them the groundwork to understand things better as they grow older. To quote Peter Keefe, who worked on Defender of the Universe, "At the end of the day, it's not about who's the most powerful, who's the most brave or strong. It's more like, who has the biggest mind, and how open can your mind be, and how important a sense of humor is and how we shouldn't take ourselves very seriously. So if they walk away with a little bit of a lighter lilt to their step, that's what Voltron means. It means ‘have a heart, have a soul’ and of course it takes place in a wild and fanciful world, but that's what people take, I hope."