#they were pretty fuckin new so they were expensive & my parents could afford one

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Fellow Psych enjoyer!! Im watchin psych at this very moment lol, i know its a tough question bc i dont even have a definitive answer but like, what's your favorite episode?

hmmm well i did very much enjoy the episode where Lassiter & Henry bond over fishing... i also like the episode where Shawn gets kidnapped & ends up on top of a moving car <3

[yslkook]

ships in the night

pairing: seokjin x reader summary: jin is your best friend. he’s engaged, and your heart is broken. (pining, best friends, unrequited love, open ending) word count: 3221 warnings: cursing, alcohol, a/n: enjoy this word vomit lolol im still getting comfortable writing for bts!!

***

It shouldn’t be as nice a day as it is- a light, summer breeze, nearly clear skies and the bright sun. It feels like you should be happier than you are. 

If the weather was fitting of your mood, it would be grey and stormy. Instead of wallowing with your broken heart in the comfort of your apartment, you’re in Seokjin’s apartment building. More specifically, you’re at his rooftop, waiting for his arrival.

You ignore the pitying looks from his friends and from your own friends as you make yourself busy for his return. With his presumed fiancee. 

Today was the day he proposed to his girlfriend, and you (as his best friend of nearly ten years) had taken it upon yourself to plan the after party. How masochistic of you. To plan the next chapter of his life with his new fiancee when you’ve been madly in love with him for the better part of your twenties. Now that you’re approaching your thirties, you’ve made it a promise to get over him.

And yet, you separated your empty abyss of emotions from your genuine desire to see him happy. His to-be fiancee was an acquaintance of yours as well. Of course, you weren’t close with her… You could compartmentalize but not that well. You couldn’t fake it any more than you had to. She was a nice girl, you supposed. She made Seokjin happy.

But she wasn’t you. And you’d never be that person to him. It was a fact that you had accepted a long time ago and somehow since then, your heart has been locked in this icy cage that you didn’t want to chip at.

You step away from the table where the alcohol, food and desserts are to look at your work. At the corner sits a flowery backdrop for photos with props. The entire area is decorated with fairy lights and small bouquets of Seokjin’s favorite flowers and his fiancee’s favorite flowers. Her friends had given you some input, but you were running the show and they both knew it. 

It was the last thing you could give to him before having to face the fact that he’d never truly be yours again.

The afterparty itself is a surprise to her and you’re certain she’ll love it- her friends and family are so excited for her, champagne tears dotting their eyes.

And then his friends look at you like they want to hug you and yell at you at the same time. They didn’t like her in the beginning and they only really tolerated her now. Because Jin loves her and because you told them to back the fuck off of her. She hadn’t done anything to warrant their dislike of her.

“Hey pretty,” Jimin greets you with a smile and crescent eyes, “Come here often?”

“Do I come to my soulmate’s proposal party often? No, I can’t say that I do,” You say dryly, elbowing him when his smile drops, “Come on, I’m only joking.”

He wraps an arm around your shoulder and sighs, “If anyone could’ve stopped this madness, it would’ve been you.”

“Madness?” You ask, “Stop it, she’s nice…”

“She’s not,” Jimin says pointedly, “You’re both just so fuckin’ blind. And stupid. So stupid.”

“Don’t start this shit with me, Jimin,” You hiss, “It’s too late, we’re here and that’s that.”

Jimin pulls away and looks at you for a long, long moment. He wonders if you even understand how hurt you are, how heartbroken you are. You hide it behind your jokes as you always have. He won’t be surprised if you leave the party early or if you slip away to the bathroom once Jin and his fiancee arrive.

They’ve been together for three years now. It was only the natural order of things for Jin to propose to her. You had asked him months ago if he was proposing just because he thought it was the right thing to do or because he genuinely wanted to. That discussion had ended in a fight. So you had pulled away, slowly but subtly from him. Already accepting your second place role in his life. Who else would know what he wanted, other than him?

You. You would know. But if every attempt to get him to do some self-reflection was going to end in tears and in a shouting match, you didn’t want to deal with it. Or with him. Or with her.

So you let it be. Like everything else, you let it be. And you let this be the last thing you did for him. You made a promise to yourself. After this, you would move on. 

It takes about an hour for the rooftop to begin filling up with his friends and family, as well as her friends and family. His parents and brother hug you first, before greeting her parents. Jin’s mother looks at you forlornly, as if she can see all of the secrets in your guarded heart. 

You pull away from them quickly, busying yourself with making a drink. You’re going to need it. Jungkook pops up next to you, looping an arm around your shoulders.

“Hey you,” You greet him, offering him a smile and a drink in a red solo cup.

“Hey you,” Jungkook says, doe eyes glittering as he unashamedly looks at you, “You look nice.” He moves his hand to the small of your back.

Long gone is the shy boy who couldn’t look a woman in the eye. Next to you stands a man, filled with confidence and poise. 

“I know,” You wink at him, “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

It’s true, you had at least given yourself the small joy of dressing up in an olive green sleeveless jumpsuit with a dip in the chest and a cinch at the waist. Jewelry glints on your wrists, at the base of your neck and your ears. You’re wearing your favorite pair of heels and the best part is that your feet aren’t even uncomfortable yet.

You catch up with him and the rest of the boys eventually gather around you both too. Just as you’re throwing your head back in laughter, your phone buzzes in your hand. Jin’s name pops up and your heart races in anticipation. As it always does when he texts you, but you feel like your world is about to implode as you open his text message.

seokjin: she said yes!! seokjin: be there in 15 :) 

You exhale shakily, six pairs of eyes on you. Jimin squeezes your shoulder reassuringly.

you: of course she did!!!!  you: fuck!! ur a fiance now. wowwwww. Im so happy for you jin :))) you: see you soon, everything’s ready 

“They’ll be here in fifteen,” You say with a grin that probably looks out of place on your face, “She said yes.” You take a breath, letting the weight of your words sink in. “She said yes. They’re… engaged.”

You swallow the love and hurt down. Jimin brushes his lips to your forehead. It doesn’t matter. Today is not about you.

Pulling away from them, you turn on your heel to celebrate with Jin’s parents. They’re replying their own congratulations to him. His brother tells you that he had texted you first. You already know that. It doesn’t matter. 

You hug his parents anyway.

***

You stick to the shadows with a drink in your hand once Jin and his fiancee arrive. He’s all smiles, opening the door for her dramatically and giggling at her squeal when she sees the rooftop, her friends and her family. 

Finally, once you see that they have a free moment, you approach them.

“Hey, lovebirds,” You smile with a wave and open your arms.

She hugs you first, to your surprise. “Jin told me you did all of this. Thank you.” She flashes her ring to you and excitedly giggles.

She’s always been after your approval, for some godforsaken reason. Who were you anyway?

“O-oh,” You protest, “No, it was a team effort. Congratulations to you both. This is the least we could do.”

You lock eyes with Jin and wonder if he can see it. If he can see how much this is killing you. He can’t because he sweeps you in for a bone-crushing hug.

“I’m engaged,” He breathes, “We’re in love and I’m engaged!”

“You are, Seokjin! You really are,” You say, vision starting to get blurry. But still you smile brightly, even if it looks out of place.

You can’t be here. You can’t be this close to him, you can’t allow him to see your already broken heart.

“Thank you,” Jin says sincerely, “For everything. You’re the best.”

“Anything for you, Jin,” You say, just as sincerely. You punch his upper arm gently. “I’m so happy for both of you. Let’s do a cheers really quick-”

How do you do it? How do you face him when he holds your beating heart in his unknowing hands?

You say a quick toast, a toast to your best friend and his new fiancee. You throw in a few jokes at your own expense before throwing your drink back and pulling away from them with promises of shots later.

But still, you manage to hold it together. It’s when Jin gives his own toast to his new fiancee in front of his family and friends that you feel the carefully woven threads beginning to fray and come apart. Jungkook senses your distress before anyone else does and he pulls you inside to the private bathroom for you to gather your bearings. He cups your cheeks and your eyes well up with unexplained tears, finally, finally, after months of pretending. And you let them fall. Your muffled cries fill up the walls of the bathroom as he rubs your back soothingly.

“It hurts, Kookie,” You mumble, “It hurts so fucking much. I didn’t think anything could hurt like this.”

“I know,” He murmurs, “I know.”

By the time you go back outside, after touching up your makeup as Jungkook watched, Jin is already drunk. He sees you with Jungkook and wonders why you look so sad. But only for a moment, his fiancee capturing his attention once more.

This time, his fiancee gives a toast. It’s a toast to their new life together, with all of their friends and family part of something special. She cries a little and you do, too. And she’s right- it is a rebirth. Because this is the last time. This is the last time you’ll afford Seokjin any of your tears. Even if he is your best friend. 

Because you’re the one that you should love.

***

Eight months later, the air is chillier but you can’t remember the last time you felt this warm. You’re currently curled under your favorite blankets and watching a movie on your television, nearly dozing off after a glass of wine.

True to your word, you had slowly but surely pulled away from Seokjin. You wondered if he had noticed all of your last minute cancellations and the subtle excuses. You still speak occasionally, but it’s not how it was before. And that’s what you wanted. Because your heart is still hurt and healing. The thought of him still makes you ache, but not as much as before. It’s only been six months, and you know that years of feelings won’t go away instantly.

You know he needed you. But he shouldn’t. Not when his fiancee should be his best friend. Not when she should be his person.

You can’t remember the last time you had even seen Seokjin. Was it at his engagement party? When was the last time you had even talked to him?

Your friends avoid his name and avoid speaking about him to you. You’re grateful for that.

So when your phone starts buzzing incessantly at 11:13 PM, with Jin’s name and contact photo on it, you panic for a full ten seconds. Your heart immediately accelerates out of your chest and you wonder if you should answer.

He hasn’t called you in months.

“Hello?” You ask softly, a nervousness you haven’t felt in a long time creeping up on you.

“Hey,” Jin breathes on the other line, “Didn’ think you’d… pick up.”

“I did, didn’t I?” You reply.

Another five seconds of silence.

“Jin. Are you drinking?” You ask. You hear the familiar lilt in his voice, and he sounds sad.

“Yeah,” Jin laughs tonelessly, “Can’t hide anythin’ from you.”

“You never could,” You chuckle, also tonelessly.

“I did, though,” Jin admits, “Hid somethin’ big from you.”

“That’s okay,” You shrug, “You can have your secrets. I’ve got mine.”

Another few seconds of silence. You don’t know what to say to him. Nervousness colors the insides of your veins but you won’t show it. Not to him, not when he’s calling you when he’s drinking.

“Let me come over. I miss you.”

“Seriously?” You scoff, “I don’t think your fiancee would appreciate that very much.”

Jin laughs. It sounds cruel and jarring.

“We’re not together anymore, stupid. Surprised Jimin or Kook haven’t mentioned it to you,” Jin says, unable to keep the sting out of his voice, “But if you didn’t blow me off for the last six months, you’d know that.”

“That’s not fair, Jin,” You murmur, deciding not to give in to his snark, “Come over. I’m at home.”

He hangs up without saying goodbye and you sigh. You send a text to Jungkook and Jimin, asking them why the fuck Jin called you after this long and why they didn’t tell you that they ended their engagement. Of course, there’s no response- only a chorus of coy emojis from both of them. Idiots.

So you wait. You wait for your soulmate to come back to you. You’re still undecided if you want to welcome him with waiting arms.

***

In the end you do. You can’t say no to his pout and his sunken eyes. You can’t say no when you haven’t properly seen him in months, when you haven’t heard his loud laugh in just as long.

“Seokjin,” You breathe and it comes out like a declaration.

Even if he’s been here a million times before, he feels out of place. You usher him to the couch and bring him a glass of water to sip on.

“What are you doing here, Jin?” You sigh, “What’s going on?”

You wonder if he’s here to break your heart for the millionth time.

“Nothin’,” Jin exhales, “I just fuckin’ missed you.”

You swallow. “What the hell happened? Your engagement?” You change the subject quickly. His face shifts to an expression of pensiveness.

“You were right,” Jin finally says.

“Yes, that’s a given. But about what?”

“Me asking her because I felt obligated to. Rather than actually wanting to,” Jin says vaguely.

“That’s a big miss, Jin,” You say bluntly, “I’m sorry, though. That must have been tough.”

“We fought a lot at the end. We only ended it a few weeks ago…”

“What did you fight about?”

Jin raises an eyebrow, “Lots of things. Towards the end though, it was you.”

“Me?” You nearly shout, “What the hell? That’s not funny, Jin-”

“Why would I be joking about that? I was so upset that we weren’t friends anymore-”

“How can you say to me that I’m the reason that you both ended your engagement! Fuck you Jin,” You mutter, “That’s not fair at all. I didn’t do anything for you both to fuckin’ fight about me.”

Tears blur your vision in frustration and you push yourself farther away from him on the couch. He can’t do this to you, not when you’ve worked so carefully to build yourself up again.

“Will you let me finish?” Jin asks in exasperation, “We were already fighting about anything and everything. And then I was so fucking upset that we were hardly friends and she got sick of me talking about it. Then she said something- well, she said some things…”

“Cut the shit, Jin. What are you here to say?” You ask, anxiety crawling up your arms and curling in your belly.

“She said all my friends thought we were a bad fit-”

“That’s not news to you, Jin-”

“Then she said you’re in love with me. Isn’t that something,” Jin muses and your entire world halts on its axis to a screeching stop, “Said somethin’ about the way you-”

“Stop,” You whisper, “Stop it, Jin. Don’t do this to me, please.”

Your heart is breaking all over again and you are powerless to stop it. You’ve envisioned telling Jin someday about the extent and depth of your feelings for him, but this was the last way you expected it to go.

“Tell me,” He demands, eyes sharp. 

You’ve never lied to him. Not when he’s asked you things directly.

“Tell you what, Jin?” You say sharply, “Tell you how I’ve loved you since we were stupid and in college? How I loved you even through your string of girlfriends that were so shitty to you? How I loved you when it was wrong for me? Fuck, Jin. Yes, I’m so in love with you and it took your fiancee for you to see that-”

“How did you manage it?” Jin asks softly and you’re taken off guard.

“Manage what?”

“All those years. Even the last year- you planned our engagement party. You toasted us, every time the guys said they didn’t like her, you always defended her-”

“She fucking made you happy! That’s what friends do,” You mumble.

“You planned our engagement party, you helped me plan the actual proposal,” Jin says, as if he’s coming to a realization, “And your heart was breaking the whole time. I broke your fuckin’ heart, didn’t I?”

And then your bottom lip trembles, your eyes shine with unshed tears and the dam breaks. He looks lost for a second, wondering if he’s crossing a line. But he’s still Jin, and you’re still you. So he pulls you into his arms without a second thought and crushes you close to him. You want to be selfish with him, you want to take everything he can give you. At least for five minutes, you want to stop thinking of him first before your own needs.

So you allow it. You allow the gentle brush of his lips against your forehead, the way he presses your head into his neck and rubs your shoulders, then your back. You cry for him, you cry for lost time, and you cry for yourself.

“You gonna declare your unrealized love for me now?” You say through puffy eyes with a watery laugh.

“You deserve better than me declaring my love for you not even a month after ending a three year long relationship and a seven month long engagement,” Jin says, squeezing your hand.

“Yeah, you’re damn fuckin’ right I do,” You murmur.

“I missed you,” Jin confesses, “I really missed you.”

“As you should have,” You say, earning a pinch to your shoulder.

Whatever the future holds for the both of you- you feel as if a weight has been lifted off of your chest. Everything isn’t magically okay, but you feel the same warmth you felt years ago when you first realized your feelings for him. 

[fearixfox]

jxjdskdnsk the gambling one shot you made was so cute! it reminded me of my mc sm. and cause of that can i request mammon with an mc whos parents regulate some of the biggest casinos? and mc is the next hier to a powerful mafia? pretty please :D

I had a lot of fun with this one and I’m sorry it took so long! It was a lot shorter but it just kept building so it took a while. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLde0UQUs-l0KJ29TSCYYGjcrrGBkOjR7P  This is a playlist that I used for some scenes. Thank you for the ask <3

“Wanna go?” You tease as you poke Mammon’s cheek.  “I mean, I-” He lets out a sigh. “I should go to keep an eye on you. I am your first anyway.” “First pact,” you correct him with a giggle. “I know Lucifer said he would go with me and you can’t defy him but I can. So, let’s go?”

Lord Diavolo has given you an extremely special present for your birthday. A weekend out in the human world. The only regulation is that a demon brother has to accompany you. The demons jumped on the opportunity immediately but you already had your heart set on a little avatar of greed. 

You say your goodbyes to the other brothers and thank Diavolo. “Make sure you’re back before midnight on Sunday. You still have your lessons to take care of,” he says with a smile. You nod to him and look over to Mammon who was being scolded by Lucifer. He nods and gives you a nervous smile that makes your stomach jump. “Jump in when you’re ready. It will take you wherever you want to be.” Diavolo said gesturing towards the hole. 

You dash over to Mammon, taking his hand and diving headfirst into the hole. You end up in a penthouse, looking over the vast craziness of New York City. “Brings back memories!” You hum looking out the window. “Um…why’re we in New York?! Is this your place?! You mentioned you lived a quiet life but I would say this isn’t that.” Mammon says with an awestruck look. He was shocked completely.  

“Mammon,” you chuckle at his child-like gaze, “when this present was given to me I saw it more as a chance to have fun than to go back to normal life. I couldn’t think of anything more fun than spending a weekend in the Big Apple, gambling my life savings off with you.” You poke his nose and he blushes, looking away. “The penthouse is a friend’s and I already arranged this trip a while ago. Just for you and me. Is that okay?” You say with pleading eyes. “Y-yeah, I mean of course it’s fine! You have the best gambler in all of the Devildom on your side. Ya won’t lose.” He says with a wink. You squeeze his hand. “Good! Lemme drop my stuff and we can go have some fun.” 

“How’s this look?” You say spinning in an outfit that accentuated your every feature. His eyes went wide and his mind went to other places. “Y/n, we are gambling, not going to-” You put a finger to his lips. “Shush, you are in the land of y/n. Let’s go. ” Mammon was clearly not fond of your garment but little did he know how safe it would keep him.

(Poker Face- Lady Gaga)

You and Mammon enter a casino and walk around the various tables and games. “Oi y/n, are you even good at gambling? I mean you’ve beat me once by luck but you never play at home. Ya sure you’re up for it?” He was clearly trying to keep himself composed at your side but you could tell he was itching to play. You walk over to a  black jack table  “Care to find out?”. As if you said the magic words, Mammon sits down and asks the dealer to put you guys in.

“Oh, do my eyes deceive me or is that the most magnificent ever beautifully cruel y/n?” A man said to the left of you and Mammon. You’ve gotta be kidding me. I didn’t realize it would be this quick. Mammon was ready to retort but you hold his wrist. “Kuroo, it’s been a while. I didn’t realize I had the courtesy to see your smug face.” You give him a fake smile. “Oi y/n, who’s the rooster head? He looks shady.” Mammon says, clearly wary of your relationship with him. 

Well he is the Consigliere somehow but there’s no way you’re going to tell him that. He was your nanny for a good part of your life and your advisor for the rest. You are technically the underboss but in this line of work it's not the greatest. What if he knew. Would he tell? He’s an idiot of course he would. 

You were raised to scare and torture so when you were teleported to hell itself, you weren’t surprised. Living amongst the demons made you feel less corrupted, pure even. You could have a life there when it’s all said and done. You’ve realized how soft you’ve become around the brothers...around Mammon... but now wasn’t the time for that.

“He’s my father’s friend. Think of him as my uncle.” You reassure him. “Ah you wound me y/n, I’m not that old at all. Only two years older than you if I recall.” He states clearly teasing Mammon. You glare at Kuroo. “He’s only trying to get a raise out of you, Mams. You can relax. He’s actually five years older than me, not that it matters.” You give him a gentle smile. “Let’s win.” 

You play through the rounds and your skills are a little rusty but you manage. You bust and it’s now Kuroo against Mammon. Sadly you knew the game, Kuroo already bought the dealer out and within 30 minutes it was a loss. “Ugh y/n, he is your uncle right? Can we get our money back? I can’t believe me the Great Mammon lost to a simple human.” Mammon huffs. You giggle at him “No, we have more money to burn I bet you we can make double what you lost. Just give it some y/n magic.” You smile sweetly at him. Kuroo’s eyes lowered at the sight. 

“Y/n, a word? Your father wanted me to pass on a message.” He says with a tone you know you can’t object. You turn to Mammon, “Hey, I’m going to be a minute can you play roulette for me? I was never good at it and would love some Mammoney luck.” He gave a light laugh at this. “Sure thing but don’t take too long, I’ll drain ya.” He says with your card in hand. 

You move with Kuroo to a room away from prying eyes. Your expression turns cold as soon as you step into the room. “So, what’s Boss want?”  You say clearly not wasting any time. “Oh child is that any way to talk about your old man?” Kuroo teases, his eyes filled with malice. “He’s been worried sick about his second in command, but little did he know they were laying low fuckin around with some low life pretty boy.” 

Kuroo’s words made your blood boil. In a way, he was your own Lucifer, always caring for you with an iron fist. When the time came he did take a bullet for you, but it didn’t make him less irritating. “And? Is that all you had to tell me? You’re managing.” Your expression was as cold as ice. It felt like slipping into a different personality. You couldn’t tell which one you were more. The kind person you were around the brothers or the brutal underboss of this world you were forced into. “Well, I guess you’re right. You must be glad Akaashi is so capable. You disappeared for a few months and the money keeps flowing.” Kuroo sits down with a laugh. 

Now you knew why he was here. You asked Akaashi for the penthouse and he can’t deny Boss. “Still babysitting I see, even though I’m grown.” You give a light laugh. “Well, tell Boss I’ll be away for a while longer and Akaashi can take care of things until then. I’m busy working out some things.” Kuroo’s interest was piqued.

 “Ah I was wondering about the boy. He looks so exotic and youn-” ''You lay a finger on him, you’ll be filled with lead by morning. I don’t give a fuck who you are.” You cut Kuroo off. “I promise, you won’t even be safe in Hell.” Kuroo had never seen you so stern towards him before but enjoyed your wrath. “I’ll pass on the message.” 

You find your white haired demon kicking some ass at roulette and basking in his own glory. Your heart melts at the sight and Mammon notices you. “Y/n! Guess how much we won?” He says waving chips around, giving a goofy smile. “I tripled the amount on your card!” Wait, he bet all of it? “Mams do you know how much money was on the card?” You say in a serious tone. “I hav’ta tell ya I don’t sweat the small stuff. Just be grateful. For the Great Mammon has claimed victory.” He lifts you up and spins you around in glee. You can’t help but smile at him. 

You play a few more games and head out to an expensive restaurant. "Y/n, are you sure you can afford all of this?" He clearly wanted to order the whole menu. "You tripled my card somehow so might as well use it." You smile back at him.  His eyes light up as he looks at the menu, looking forward to the meal. 

(Nana triste-Natalia Lacunza)

A slow song was playing on the dance floor and Mammon looked at you with a want in his eyes. "Care for this dance, my avatar of greed?" You ask for his hand. He blushes and gives it to you. 

"Wait a minute that was backwar-'' You pull him close to you and start dancing. "It's okay Tiger. You're cuter this way." He wants to retort but can only focus on how close your bodies are. 

"Ya know, Lucifer asked me to take care of you. It's like he was handing off his child to a husband. He's so irritating at times. I mean I'm totally reliable. Don't you think Y/n?" He says softly in your ear. You let out a soft laugh. "I think you would make a wonderful husband Mams. Be careful or I may make you mine.” You whisper so close he can feel your breath on his neck. He immediately jumps back. “Like I would ever marry a human even if they’re...they’re...” He trails off. “They’re what Mammon?” You step closer to him again. “Ahhh look, foods here. Let’s eat.” He says immediately retreating. 

You both eat and drink to your heart's content. By the end of the meal, Mammon was a babbling child.  “Ya know you should be more prouda me. I went outta ma way for y/n.” He slurs. “I could’ve let Lucifer take the human like was planned but I secretly begged ta go. Don’t tell, y/n.” He whispers to you. And that’s enough of that. You take away his alcohol and start feeding him water shots. He couldn’t tell the difference. “Ya know, I told y/n I wouldn’t never marry a human but secretly if it was them it wouldn be bad. If it was, maybe I could be happy all the time.” He smiles before immediately falling over. You couldn’t help but look at him fondly. “Me too.” 

You help him into the penthouse and lay him down on your bed. I totally could. I should. No I shouldn’t. You stare at Mammon’s sleeping figure and start unbuttoning his shirt just enough for him to breathe. He was sleeping so soundly that you wish you could stay in that moment forever. “I love you, Mammon.” You whisper and kiss his head. “Always have.” 

You decide to go to the convenience store and get some things to ease his hangover. You see a couple around the sunglasses rack trying all sorts of glasses on, laughing at each other. You couldn’t help but feel a little jealous at their simple life. Sadly, nothing ever came easy for you. You bring your supplies back to see an empty bed. “Mammon? Where’d you go buddy?” You examine the bed closely and find a symbol on a small piece of paper. You crumple it and walk briskly out the door.

(Riot - Hollywood Undead)

You were going to kill Kuroo. You meant what you said and did not have to think twice about seeing the floor spattered with his blood. He wanted you home. He didn’t care what it took to get you there. He will cage Mammon up and keep him as a pet and hang it over you if it meant you would take over. It was his job after all. You knew exactly where he would take him. Kuroo would take him to the only person you can’t deny. 

You bust the gates open to the old property to see only soldiers around. “Y/n, long time no see.” Your eyes lower at the sight of Tsukishima. “Where is he?” You sneer. “Oh, whoever are you talking about?” Tsukishima laughs at your angry expression. “Olala, you mean our new mutt. He’s chained up inside like the dog he is. However, you and I have some business.” Soldiers started to surround you. “Boss said to restrain you. As long as we don’t kill you, any way is fine.” You laugh at his statement. “As if, you can.” 

You immediately jump into action and dodge the knives that are flying towards you. Soldier after soldier comes at you with swinging fists and slicing knives. “It’s bad to ruin the merchandise,” you say dealing blow after blow, making sure not to fatally injure them. Tsukishima just watches as you pummel your way to the door not even bothering to stop you himself. “You must really care for this lousy mutt. Too bad you’ll never see him again.” You ignore him and head into the house and see Mammon gagged and chained to a chair. 

“Mmmm! MMMm!” Mammon desperately tried to call your name. He had a bruise on the left side of his face and tears in his eyes. You pay him no heed as you stare at the two men at the table with him. “Ah y/n, how nice of you to join us. I was just telling Boss what great work you’ve been doing and how your loyalty inspires the rest of us.” Kuroo hummed. 

(Body-mother mother)

“Boss, I apologize for not coming sooner. I have much to discuss with you. Beginning with letting that mutt go.” You say dropping on one knee. “I was worried about you, y/n. I expected better and ya let me down.” Boss says with a disappointed tone.

 “I know, but I want you to know I come with good news. I haven’t been goofin off I promise. I wouldn’t do ya that way.” You say desperately trying to sway the conversation. “Hear me out, Father. Please.”  You feel a grip on your head that turns soft as Boss speaks “I always liked ya, y/n. You’ve done good for this family so I’ll give ya a chance.” 

You explain yourself and what you have been doing for the past three months. You leave out parts and accentuate others. Your eyes flicker to Mammon who looks scared to death but continue to keep your cold demeanor. “So father, I hope to expand our casinos to the other realm and expand our influence. Consider it insurance for when you pass.” 

“What a load of shit,” Kuroo begins but Boss holds his hand up. “So why do you need mista pretty boy here?” You give your father a promising look. “He’s the sin of greed himself, we need him if we want the money to flow. Plus he can bleed us dry if we don’t let him go.” Your father looks at him with disgust. “This poser? I’m gonna need you to prove it, kid.” You nod. “Give me five minutes with him and I can prove it to ya.” “You have three.” Boss says motioning his underlings to release him. 

You take him to the bathroom and give him a crushing embrace. “I’m so sorry Mammon. I’m so fucking sorry.” Mammon wasn’t even processing what was going around him and pushed you away. “Who? Where? What in the livin hell is going on y/n?” You put your hands on his shoulders “Look we have a minute I need you to change to your demon form and mess up some dudes under my magic.” Mammon looked absolutely baffled.

 “What? No! I don’t wanna expose my form to roosterhead and that old guy. Plus you don’t have magic.” You push him up against the wall and he can’t help being a bit frightened but also other things.  “Listen Mams, they will kill you and me both if you don’t and Solomon gave me some of his.” You lift up a vial and down it immediately. “I need you to do this for me. I promise I’ll explain everything later.” He seems unsure but nods.  

You regain your cold composure and bring him before your father. You nod to Mammon who unleashes his demon form. Your father’s face remains neutral.  “That’s quite some get up he’s got there.” Kuroo laughs at Mammon's wings going up to touch them. “I wouldn’t if I were you. He’ll send you to where he came from.” You say giving Kuroo a cocky stare. 

“If you want a demonstration you can have one, Boss. Kuroo and I have some disputes and I would love to resolve them under your careful eye.” Your father smiles at your bloodlust. “Just leave him in tact.”  You smile with glee. “Mammon, attack him but leave his vitals alone.” 

Mammon couldn’t resist your order and went after him in hand to hand combat. Kuroo was one of the best fighters but against a demon he was a mere human. Mammon slashed him up and knocked him out cold within seconds. Mammon turned to you bloodied with glowing yellow-blue eyes. That’s hot. You knew Mammon was strong but he rarely used his demon strength. To see if fully utilized was like viewing a work of art.

 “You impress me, y/n.” Boss said, staring at Mammon’s wings. “Take care of the devildom or whatever ya call it. I want that place under our control by the time I get there.” You kneel down and nod your head. “Kid, I want ya to take care of my kin here while they’re carrying out my work. Can ya do that for me?” You can tell Mammon was blushing a little under the blood. “Yes I can, sir.” 

(Next to you-bigricepiano)

It was a few hours later and you both finally got to the penthouse exhausted and tense. You collapse falling asleep in each other's arms on the floor until morning. You wake up to the sound of Mammon snoring in your face. So beautifully irritating. You plant a kiss on his lips which causes him to jump up. “Who? What? Where?” He sees your laughing face. “Awww, y/n I was having the weirdest dream that you were a member of the mafia and I was forced ta beat up roosterhead and…” He slowly feels his face. “That wasn’t a dream was it.” 

“I wish it was and yes I know I owe you a lot of explanation but lemme clean you up first.” You say getting a rag and some hydrogen peroxide. You start cleaning his face and explaining your upbringing. Through this, Mammon’s face changed from frustrated to concerned. “I didn’t know you had it so rough, y/n. You never told us.” You smile and dab on his open wound. Mammon winces a little.

“You didn’t need to know. It’s not something I’m really proud of and I know you are all demons so sins don’t bother you as much but even so.” You laugh at your own silliness. “ I wanted to be your saving grace and live a happy life at least for the year we have.” Mammon holds onto your hand and kisses it. “Y/n, you’ve helped us so much.  It’s the least I coulda done for you.” Mammon wraps his arms and legs around you, holding you as if you were going to disappear that very minute. “If..If you had the option to stay with us forever...with me forever, would ya take it?” 

You were taken aback by his question. You loved your father and all the mafia had to offer but it could never measure up to the amount of love you felt from the demons in the short amount of time you’ve been with them. You melt into Mammon’s embrace and try to hold back tears. 

“Absolutely. Without a doubt.” 

Mammon looks at you and takes your face in the palm of his hand, wiping away your ever flowing tears. He kisses you softly, over and over until the tears are gone.

 “I love you, y/n.”

“I love you too, Mammon.” 

Bonus:

“I’m telling ya, y/n is part of the mafia! They beat up so many guys and run all the major casinos.” Mammon pleads at the breakfast table. “That’s absurd. Y/n doesn’t even gamble.” Satan retorts. “Satan’s right now please shut up about this before I string you up.” Lucifer says going through today’s paper. Mammon looks on the verge of tears and shoots you a glance to which you heartily ignore. 

“Aww, well I want it to be true. A mafia y/n sends shivers up my spine. Ne, ne, are you part of the mafia?” Asmo hums. You let out a laugh. “Absolutely not. I don’t know what Mammon’s on today but I wish I had some.”  “You and me both,” Belphie says through his pillow. “It would make a good anime for sure. The whole double agent thing with a princess that has to be saved and it would be called I wanted to save a princess but turned out they were a mafia member and I had to be saved instead. AAH, Beel don’t touch my food.”  Leviathan says pushing Beel off his oatmeal. 

“I told you no one would believe you.” You whisper to Mammon. Mammon just pouts and looks away. You drag your hand up his thigh and he shivers. “Don’t worry, they don’t need to know everything.” 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #463

“the siren sings a lonely song of all the wants & hungers  /  the lust of love, a brute desire”

Describe the person that you would like to be in three years. I want my mental health to be in great condition, I really want to be in much better physical shape, ideally be living with somebody in our own place, have a job I'm happy with, have an improved social life, my own license and car... Think back to when you first met your significant other (or ex). Was your first impression of them accurate? It's funny, I honestly don't remember what my first impression of Girt was. I don't even recall our first interaction. I'm sure it was most likely that he was friendly, because he is and always has been. What is your most noticeable personality trait? Probably that I'm really, really shy. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Which of your family members do you resemble the most? I guess one of my immediate sisters? People tend to say stuff like they can definitely tell we're related. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. Who knows you better than anyone else? Hell, probably whoever reads these. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? I guess you could call dating Girt a "new chapter." I have a much, much stronger feeling of this attempt being more successful than the last now that I've been able to change my angle on how I see him. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? I don't have my own vehicle and never have. If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you choose? *shrug* Most products of highly expensive brands I find hideous anyway. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yeah. One is a close family friend and actually our landlord. Does your family still use the home phone or are you all on cell phones now? We haven't had a landline is yeeeeaaarrrrsssss. Ever go to another school’s prom? No; my boyfriend went to the same school as me. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do there? No; we live in the city now. :/ When I DID live in the woods, I absolutely loved wandering around with my camera for stuff to take pics of. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? None ever have but omg I wish that would be adorable. How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was one of them emo kids. Would you ever date your best friend of the opposite sex? WELP that's what I'm doing lol. Would you say you have a high sex drive or not so much? I'd call it normal? Higher sometimes, lower other times, but not to either extreme. Come with an unpopular opinion. Silent Hill: Homecoming is a great game and while there's a lot of fan service from the movie, it belongs in the series. It's actually my second (or third)-favorite installment. Most of the SH community absolutely hate that game. What’s the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? A lot of shit Colleen would say if we got into arguments. She'd ridicule effects of my depression, said I'd never know what it's like to pay my own bills, stuff like that. She's hateful as fuck and everything cut deep. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc. Nothing physical. If you got the chance, would you audition for a reality show? No. Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight? More than once. What’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever experienced irl? Hm, I'm unsure. Favorite flavor of jelly bean? Probably watermelon. Do you use Tinder? If yes, have you ever met up with someone you matched? No. You do you, but if I understand Tinder correctly, it just seems... really shallow to me. Like don't you JUST see their picture to decide if you're interested or not? It just enforces the false belief that appearance really matters in love. You just poured your heart out to your crush and all he/she does is respond “k”. What do you respond/do? Well, I don't have a crush anymore; my boyfriend and I literally exchanged "I love you"s last night. That's not a crush. But for the sake of the question, I'll imagine I was single and this happened, in which case I would be both hurt and annoyed. Like, either tell me you return the feelings or not. It's not hard. What's your favorite thing to order from McDonald’s? I usually get a quarter pounder w/ cheese or a McDouble, occasionally with a small or medium fry, depending on how hungry I am. When do you feel your sexiest? Never, hunny. What's your favorite emoji? I don't really have one? It just depends on what the situation calls for. What’s your skincare routine? I don't really have one... I just use a washcloth to clean my face. Who all out of your immediate family smokes? My dad and stepmom. Do you like incense or candles better? Incense, totally. Do you respect your parents? Yeah. What’s your bf/gf’s name? It's technically Donald Jr., but since high school, I've known him as Girt, a nickname I won't explain for his privacy. Do you wear glasses? Yeah. Do you like The Beatles? I honestly don't. Except "Hey, Jude." What was the last reason you got excited? Last night. When we were saying goodbye, I was scared to, but I told Girt I loved him, and he immediately said it back confidently. My heart did like five flips. I'm still over the moon about it. Yes, we just got back together, but we've been in each other's lives as a constant since HS, and after changing my angle of how I looked at him, it's not at all platonic anymore. Do you know anyone who drinks the pickle juice from the jar? Sara does alskdjfklwejrl;er Name something crazy that’s happened recently? Uhhhh... I dunno. My life is very uneventful to have something really "crazy" happen. Can you say for a fact that you’re happy right now? I'm happy about some things, but also nervous and self-doubtful. Have you ever zip lined? No, but they look fun. I'd just be really scared of losing my grip. If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Ha, no. Have you ever been on a boat and got sick? No, but the one time I was at the beach and on a boat riding to an island, I was TERRIFIED I was going to get sick because of the waves. I didn't, thankfully. Did you sleep well last night? For the most part. My new mask might just be working. Do your parents try and plan your life for you? Not at all. Do you have any pictures of you kissing someone? Yes. List two things about yourself that you find embarrassing. My weight and how dark my leg hair is. Do you like to cuddle with your pet when you are sad? Yes. Do you find piercing attractive or unattractive? h o t Do you have any secret hiding spots in your room? To put money, yes. Do you like parmesan cheese on your spaghetti? Ew, no. I don't like parmesan. Does your best girl friend have any talents that you don’t? Yeah. She can animate well, for one. And sing like a fucking champ. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? My Nintendo DS Lite is in here. Well, and my laptop is a gaming one. What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? ... Oh WOW I've known this man for a fuckin decade and somehow I'm not sure??? But I want to say light blue? Have you ever taken a ride in a helicopter? No. Have you ever visited hot springs? No. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? I'm aware I eat too fast, because my mom will point it out almost without fail if we eat in sight of each other. I'm not a messy eater at all, just... fast. Chewing your food and swallowing isn't a complex task. I've made active efforts to slow down, I just haven't been able to succeed. It doesn't feel normal. That and I've come to discover that when I chew food TOO much, I don't like the mushy texture of it in my mouth. What did you do the last time you were with friends? Yesterday Girt and I planned to watch shitty Netflix anime for some laughs, but we wound up starting Attack on Titan, which I am officially pretty into. What kind of cologne/perfume do you like the opposite sex to wear? I don't care if they wear any or not, so long as they know how to clean themselves and therefore not actually smell bad. If you celebrate Christmas, do you get a real tree or an artificial tree? We always use a fake one. Is there someone who means a lot to you but they don’t know that? My sisters probably don't, really... Is money important to you? Live your whole life poor and I want to see you answer "no" to this. Have you ever watched a meteor shower? No. Do you like Slim Jims? LOOOOOOOVE them. Would you rather write a mystery or love story? Love story. Are you muscular? No. Working for it. Do you have one of those removable hand-held shower heads? Yes. Originally, this house didn't, but I hated it so much that Mom bought one. How many burners does your stove have? Four. Has your car ever been broken into? Mom's hasn't.

[vintage-story-time]

MANHATTAN MADNESS by Chili Peeler

Chapter 1

Jim Andrews stared through the window of the plane as it came in for a landing at LaGuardia. He had never seen anything as impressive as the island of Manhattan; it looked like every square inch of the island was filled with a skyscraper. At 17 years of age, the biggest city he had ever been to had been Des Moines. When his sister, Elizabeth, had written to him and asked him if he wanted to come visit her, he'd jumped at the chance. He felt the same urge as Elizabeth had; to get out of the backwater burg his family lived in back in eastern Nebraska. He admired the way Elizabeth had just tore out one night, leaving a note for their parents that she was going to travel and see what else was out there in the world. That had been 3 years ago and no one in the family had seen her since. Occasionally a postcard would come, addressed to him, from different cities around the country. Chicago, New Orleans, Dallas......but never with a return address. Then, a few weeks ago, a letter. And then a week later, a round trip ticket from Topeka.

The plane was coming in low now over the Long Island Sound. He'd studied a map in the family Encyclopedia Britannia; probably outdated but he doubted they had changed the name of the Sound. He looked over again at Manhattan, still not believing his sister had made it this far from home. Jim came out of the airplane entrance ramp, walking in the midst of other passengers. He moved forward, swinging his head from side to side, looking for Beth. He tried to keep in mind, as he scanned the faces around the gate, that his sister was sure to have changed in the three years she'd been gone. The crowd began to thin away, people meeting their families and heading for the baggage claim. Jim was beginning to feel dumb, standing there with his head swiveling around. "Jim?!" He looked around and there she was - his big sister, Elizabeth. Man, had she ever changed! When she's left, she'd had short brown hair and the fashion sense of any other teenaged girl from eastern Nebraska, namely jeans and T-shirts. But now there was a wild looking girl....no, woman...in tight black Lycra pants, a bright red half-shirt that let her stomach bare and a tan suede jacket with lots of tassels swinging everywhere. Her hair was now blondish, long, over her shoulders with a tight curl. "Look at my baby brother - all grown up!" Beth said as she ran up to him and gave him a big hug which he returned with equal affection. "Beth, man, I've missed you..look at you!" He let her go and motioned to her attire. "You look like a fashion model or something." "What, these old things!" Beth laughed. "When in New York, do as the Yorkers do. Come on, let's go get your bags. I'm sorry I was late...it was hell getting a taxi today." "You don't have a car?" Jim said. "No one in New York has a car. There's barely enough room for the people. You'll see. This the most remarkable city in the world..... Tomorrow I can show you around, do the tourist thing." "Sounds good to me." Jim said as they headed down the concourse. In the cab on the way to Elizabeth's place, they caught up a little on the three intervening years. Elizabeth asked about the old town, the high school, if he knew anything about any of her old friends. Jim pumped her for the things she had seen on her travels, how she liked New York, etc. Beth seemed to want to steer away from the topic of why she hadn't kept in touch with the family more; she would just say that it was probably best for everyone, then added she hadn't wanted to worry them. "So, tell me, little brother, do you have a girlfriend back there?" "Well, I've had my share but I'm free at the moment. Why? You got someone you want to set me up with while I'm here?" "No, I was just wondering. When I left, you were still in the 'girl's are yucky' stage." Elizabeth laughed. "Yeah, well, I came to my senses." Jim smiled as the taxi slowed and pulled to the curb in front of tall brick building. "This is it." Beth said as she opened her door. A few minutes later, Beth was opening the door to her fifth story apartment loft. She walked in and hit the lights as her brother carried his case in. "Holy shit! This place is great." Jim complimented her as he looked around. The apartment had real high ceiling, wood floors, cool furniture. "Glad you like it. You can put your bag in here," Beth walked over to a door and turned on the light. He went into the bedroom and dumped his bag on the bed. The room was modern looking and clean. Overhead there was a skylight that was sure to let all the light in in the morning; sleeping in was going to be tough. "You'll be staying in here. This is my room usually. I'll be sharing my roommate's bedroom." "Roommate?" "Yeah, did you think I could afford this place by myself?" "I don't know. What kind of a job do you have?" Jim asked. "I'm a hostess at a club here in town. A really trendy place. It's private, in fact." "And what, you are on a salary?" "Yeah, but most

of the money comes from tips. The member's are loaded....it's really easy work. Just a lot of smiling. Anyway, I hope you're hungry, I'm going to make us some dinner." "I'm starving...all I got was some peanuts on the flight." "Good. Go ahead and unpack and I'll get things going." Beth left him, pulling off her suede coat as she went into the living area. Jim watched her leave and for the first time thought of how attractive Beth had become. She had to know that the clothes she wore left little to the imagination. The tight pants showed off her fine legs and cute bottom. Jim bet she played on her good looks at that club of hers, flashing a smile at the old codgers who'd give her a big tip just for the illusion of her maybe being attainable. Being blessed with good looks was a pretty easy way to get by in life but he couldn't hold that against Beth. It had gotten her away from Shitville, Nebraska. Jim put his clothes in some empty drawers and took his toiletries into the bathroom. Being a neat person by habit, he opened the medicine cabinet to see if there was enough room for his deodorant and shaver. And was surprised to find the cabinet totally empty. Not a bottle of pills, not a pair of tweezers, not a jar of nail polish - nothing. He opened the drawers by the sink and found them empty as well. The absence of any girlie items anywhere in the bathroom struck him as curious. He didn't think Beth had emptied everything out and taken it into her roommate's bathroom; no reason to go to all that trouble, just take the essentials over. The bathroom looked like it wasn't even being used. Jim stowed his stuff in the drawer, kicked off his shoes and went out to see what his sister was making for dinner. "Whoa! Who is this?" Jim said as he looked at a picture of his sister and another woman near the entrance to the kitchen. "Oh, that's Julie, my roommate....well, don't walk on your tongue!" Beth said as she took a bowl out of the cupboard. Julie looked like every man's ideal woman. In the picture, she was standing next to Beth with her arm around her shoulders. Beth was probably 5' 7". Unless Beth was standing in a hole, Julie must be at least 6' 2". Brunette, almost black hair, worn to mid-back with lots of body. Her face was attractive - not great, sorta tough looking but it certainly could be overlooked. But it was Julie's body from the neck down that probably stopped men in their tracks. Julie was stacked. Big round tits with a lot of cleavage showing. 'No way those are real,' Jim thought to himself. Hips that flared nicely, plenty of meat to grab onto there. Legs that looked like she had worn out a Stairmaster. 'She looks like a fuckin' superhero,' Jim thought. Finally he moved on into the kitchen where Beth was smiling at him knowingly. "Yeah, she gets that reaction a lot," Beth said as he leaned against the counter. "I bet she does. Is that all her?" Jim said as he motioned with his hand over his chest. "No.....but she says it was the best $5000 she ever spent." "$5000?! What kind of work does she do? That's a lot of money." "Well...she's an agent, I guess. She hooks people up." Beth said. "Like how?" Jim was intrigued. "Well, she sorta acts like a headhunter." Beth continued after Jim gave her a quizzical look. "She's like a talent agent, finding people for jobs." "Oh, I see." "Don't let her looks fool you," Beth said as she opened the refrigerator and handed him a beer, "Julie's a smart cookie, too." "So how did you two meet?" "At a gym. I was living with this guy for awhile, a real jerk as it turns out, but anyway, I could use his pass fro his health club. Julie and I just got talking and we hit it off. She's probably the best friend I've ever had. She pay's for the lionshare of the expenses for this place." "Well, you've really fallen in it here......penthouse apartment, good job...it sure beats milking the cows at 5 A.M." "Oh God, don't remind

me!" Beth said as she opened a beer for herself. Jim heard the front door open. Beth did too. "That must be Julie," she said to Jim. "JUUULLLEEESS!" "YEEAHH!" "Well, come and meet her," Beth said as she took her brother's hand. They exited the kitchen walking into the dining area and there she was - Julie and the picture didn't do her justice. She was looking through a stack of mail, wearing a form fitting short dress. She looked up then and jerked her head to the side, sending her hair over her shoulder. It was quick natural movement but Jim got the feeling she had waited until they could see her before she did it. "Julie, this is Jim." "So this is your little brother." Julie said as she walked over to them, the emphasis on the word 'little'. "I'd hate to see your 'big' brother." Jim liked the fact that Julie was complimenting him on his physique. He was 5' 11" with muscle from working long hours around the family farm. Julie extended her hand and Jim shook it. "Nice to meet you, Julie." he said and meant it, willing himself not to look at her fantastic chest. Julie could be fodder for many a night of masturbation. "You got a nice strong grip, Jim. You work out?" "Nah. Just work around the farm." he said. "Baling hay, other exciting stuff." "Yeah, Lizzie's told me all about the farm life." Julie said with a wry smirk. Julie bend slightly and gave Elizabeth a peck on her cheek. Elizabeth looked at Jim after it happened but then Julie continued, "So what do you kids have planned for tonight." Jim guessed Julie was maybe 30; certainly older than he at 17 and Elizabeth at 21. Being called a 'kid' made Jim twinge but he got the feeling that was just the way Julie was. Like she wanted to get a reaction. "Nothing tonight." Beth said. "I'm whipping up some dinner and I thought we'd just relax." "I just stopped by to get another pair of shoes," Julie said. "I've got a meeting later, so I'll have to pass on dinner. I'll be back around 11. You'll still be up, right?" "Oh sure, you know me." Beth replied. "All right then, I'll see you guys later." Julie walked off toward the door to the other bedroom on the other side of the apartment. Jim watched her bottom all the way. Beth punched him in the arm to bring him out of it. "You men are all alike!" she said giggling as she went back into the kitchen. Jim followed her. "So shoot me. There's nothing like that back on the farm....Lizzie." "Don't you start with the Lizzie, too. Julie started calling me that but I don't want it to catch on. Beth is just fine." Jim heard the front door open and close again as Julie headed back out into the city for her meeting. Beth was rooting around in the cupboard, pulling out spice bottles. "Dammit!" she said exasperated. "We're out of basil....I'm gonna run down to the market and get some. Without the basil, this dish just doesn't make it." "Hey, don't go to any trouble....." Jim said as he followed her out into the living area. "The market's just around the corner. I'll only be a few minutes." She grabbed her jacket and headed for the door. Left alone, Jim wandered around. He went outside on the patio that was off the dining area and looked at the surrounding buildings in the fading dusk. He went into the kitchen and lifted the lid on what Beth was preparing; it looked like an Italian sausage dish. He roamed into the livingroom and studied the prints on the walls; they were all of women, paintings by a guy named Nagel. They reminded him of some of the artwork in the front of Playboy magazines, mildly erotic. He was walking near the door to Julie's room and the door was open, so he poked his head in. The bedroom was larger than the one he was staying in; obviously this was the master bedroom of the apartment. Same skylight, a king-size bed with black and white bedding, same sliding door for the closet and the bathroom door in the same place as in the other

bedroom. Jim was going to move back out into the apartment when he noticed something very interesting sitting on the far bedside table. He couldn't be absolutely sure it was what he thought it was; a magazine was covering part of it. He was going to walk over and check it out but he heard a key being inserted in the front door. Quickly he moved a few feet to the nearby entertainment center and made like he was looking at their music selections as Elizabeth came through the door. "Told you that wouldn't take too long," she said as she pulled off her coat. "Come on and help me set the table." "Sure," Jim said as he followed her toward the kitchen. His thoughts, however, were on what he thought he had seen in Julie's bedroom. It had sure looked like there was a pair of handcuffs under that magazine.

[himbowelsh]

Plus sides to Liebgott passing for barely legal in his late twenties: he has the I'm older shut up Web card, no one looks at him weird when he skates at the park, people are secretly jealous of his looks because you know he will be looking younger than he actually is probably till the grey hair kicks in strong (courtesy of Mrs Liebgott DNA, she looks amazing)

I’m sorry I’m sorry I had to I had to

“So it happened again,” Web remarks, casual as anything, as he strides through the door half-weighed down by shopping bags. Joe looks up from the News app on his phone, brows furrowed. He can at least a dozen things that might have “happened again” during one of Web’s shopping sprees, and none of them are good. Some of them are publicly humiliating; at least one’s illegal.

Before he can even ask  ---  before he has the time to do anything more than sit up, suspicion tearing across his expression like a rabid badger’s claws  ---  a hurricane breezes inside in his boyfriend’s wake. Shaking off an umbrella while shutting the door with her foot, Joe’s mom doesn’t look ruffled at all by the storm outside...  or any of the shopping bags, which she’s clearly foisted on poor Web.

“It was funnier this time, actually.” Her voice echoes Joe’s familiar nasal tone, roughened slightly from the two decades of smoking she’s got on her son. Still, her tone is light. When she casts a red-lipped smirk over her shoulder, Joe’s stomach plummets, and he knows. He just...  knows.

“Goddammit, Web,” he hisses. “Will you stop dating my mom?”

Web is trying so hard not to laugh, and that only makes it worse, dammit. As he lowers the mass of shopping bags down in the middle of the kitchen, his head lowers with them. Joe still catches his shoulders shaking. “It wasn’t my fault.”

“Don’t blame me,” chirps Joe’s mom. She maneuvers easily around the mess, bouncing on the balls of her feet. There’s a reason his mom was a Rockette for two years   ----   she hasn’t lost her dancer’s grace, or the figure that comes with it. In skinny jeans, her legs look longer than they have any right to; her blouse is a bright springy color, goddamn floral patterned. Nothing expensive  ---  they could never afford expensive shit, growing up with four kids on a single parent’s salary  ---  but if there’s one thing Joe’s mom knows, it’s how to dress cheap and look damn good.

Maybe that’s the reason why this is constantly happening. That, or what Joe’s sisters have (fucking obnoxiously) started calling ‘the Liebgott genes’.

“They were offering a couples’ discount,” is all Web says, shrugging helplessly. He hasn’t shaved today; the top few buttons of his shirt are undone, and his curls are artfully rustled. He looks like a damn college professor, not a kid still working towards his English masters.

And Joe’s mom...

Damn it, she could still pass as a Rockette. The spare streaks of grey in her hair “adds character”, or so she put it, and she’s got a point.

“That’s not an excuse!” Joe hisses, stalking to his feet, glare firmly fixed on Web. Mama makes no move to save him. As she busily rummages through the fridge, Joe advances, forcing Web to stumble until he backs into the kitchen counter.

“If I ever turned down something free with you in public  ---”

“That’s different!” Joe explodes.

“It really isn’t,” his mom chimes around a forkful of salad. “We Liebgotts are all the same. I had you cutting coupons with safety scissors in Pre-K.”

“And I was the best damn coupon-cutter you ever had!” He jabs a finger at her  ---  and Mom, to her credit,  doesn’t deny it. Instead she just smirks, fluttering her painted eyelashes and looking for all the world not a day over forty.

It works great for the girls, sure. Amy’s still got a baby face in her late twenties, Sarah hasn’t started whining about grey hair yet, and Becky laughs about getting carded whenever she has a DJ’ing gig. But Joe... Jesus Christ, it probably wouldn’t even bother him that much if the last time it hadn’t happened right in front of him. Looking at Joe and his mom side by side, it’s pretty clear who came from who, but when they called Webster his mom’s husband  ---

“That’s it!” He slams his hand down on the counter. His mom just raises her eyebrows. “The two of you? Not allowed to go out anymore. Nowhere ever again.”

“Then who’s gonna carry my bags?”

“Get a boyfriend your own age, how’s about?”

Webster — raises in the comfortable Madison Square Penthouse culture of respectful children and emotionally distant parents — gapes. Joe’s mom just narrows her eyes, showing off the slightest hint of crow’s feet, and purses her lips like she’s genuinely considering it.

“See, I would,” she replies, “but then we’d get those kinda looks in public. Like, ‘what’s this old bastard doing with a sexy piece of ass like that?’”

Webster makes his very distinct ‘having a heart attack’ squawk. Joe just throws his hands in the air. “You’re in your fifties!”

“Forty’s as high as I’ll go,” she declares, with all the finality of a multi-billionaire deciding on his fourth wife. “And that’s a big maybe. At best, thirty-five. David can pass for thirty-five, can’t you, Davey?”

“I — urhhh,” Webster hiccups.

“No fuckin’ way! A solid thirty, at best!”

“He’s got a bit of salt and pepper in his beard.”

“What?” Webster yelps, hand flying to his face. Joe’s resounding “bullshit” is drowned out by his mother’s cackling, and the chorus of Web’s vanity dying an agonizing death.

At least that means he’ll definitely shave tomorrow. There’s a very big difference between clean-shaven Web and stubbled Web. Maybe if Joe could actually grow a beard himself, he wouldn’t have so many opinions about it, but trial and error has taught them that’s an awful idea.

“Ah, shut up, Web, you look fine!”

“Be polite to your future stepfather,” Mama quips.

“Jesus fuck,” groans Joe.

Webster is searching for a mirror. Mama spears a piece of lettuce on her fork, impassive gaze following him out of the room. When she turns back to her only son, slumped at the kitchen table with his head in her hands, she actually manages not to smirk.

“Sorry for cursing you.” Leaning forward, she ruffles his thick hair. “Hey, at least you’ve got some lucky genes. No hair implants for you, baby boy.”

Joe runs a hand through his — admittedly gorgeous — hair, and heaves a long-suffering sigh. “Ah, well. Guess I gotta make the best of what I’ve got.”

His mother smirks. “How do you think we managed to raise you?”

[intimatevoid]

Stolen from @littledonkeyburrito, as usual~

1. Do you prefer guys to shave down there? I have no preference. As long as the hair isn't making things difficult, like getting caught in hands and toys and teeth, he can do what he wants.

2. Do you prefer liquid, mousse or powder foundation? Why? I don’t really think about it because I don't wear foundation. My skin's clear enough that I don't need it, and even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t wear it because I would sweat it off in minutes. (Setting spray? I destroy setting spray ;A; it’s the worst.)

3. How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Next to nothing, I guess. All she knows is that I've been with Ash for a while, and that I was with Seb for a while too.

4. Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? Not really. Like if one's on in a waiting room or something then I'll absently watch, but if I have any say in the matter then I don't know watch them.

5. Do you worry about gaining weight? Only if it affects my health somehow. Aside from a recent fluctuation from hormonal fuckery, I can usually do whatever I want without my weight changing at all.

6. Have you ever used fake tan? Nah, I've never needed to. I tan really dark, really quickly.

7. How do you organize your make-up? I just put different kinds into little ziplock bags to keep them from getting lost in my makeup bag. Pens in one, eye-shadow and eye brushes in the other.

8. Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? Hahaha, holy fuck, I would never have confidence in my own desirability to do something like that. What would the point even be?

9. Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? An apartment, but I’m hoping like crazy that later this year I’m able to move into a house.

10. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? Toowoomba has the Carnival of Flowers. I usually avoid it because it’s too hot, and too noisy.

11. Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? Nope, though Clare (the bitchy, transphobic one) is engaged to a lovely guy named Simon who deserves so much better.

12. Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? I haven’t spoken to my dad in years. I haven’t spoken to any of his friends in even longer. Though he’s all about being friends with Jesus, who certainly creeps me the fuck out. Does he count?

13. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? Ha! Literally anything that’s not conservative or whatever, they would disapprove.

14. What venue was the last real concert you went to at? Some concert hall in Brisbane, I don’t remember what it’s called.

15. Does your best friend and their mom have the same last name? Yes, no, no, yes, and half plus their dad’s last name.

16. What color is your cellphone? Black.

17. Are you currently waiting for a phone call? From whom? No, thank fuck.

18. Do you have any drugs in your bedroom? No

19. Is there a feature on your face that people compliment you on? Sometimes my eyes or my skin.

20. What are your plans for the rest of the week? Nothing, thank fuck. This past week has been exhausting and I am grateful for the chance to finally fucking rest.

21. How many studded belts do you own? None.

22. Has your partner ever had braces? I don’t think so?

23. What have you eaten today?

 A sandwich, and some spicy noodles.

24. What’s your favourite thing to do? Quietly spend socially antisocial time with loved one/s, perhaps gaming or reading, gently touching but otherwise not interacting.

25. Did you wear a jacket today? Lord no, it’s way too hot.

26. Have you kissed more than two people of the same sex? Eyyyup!

27. How many times have you had sex in one day? Twice I think? Or maybe only once. I don’t have sex very often.

28. Did you exercise at all today? Nope, but I’m scheduled for it tomorrow.

29. Would you ever move far away for a job opportunity? Only if the new location was geographically close to somebody I care about. I’ve worked too fucking hard on my relationships to waste it all by distancing myself from any more of my loved ones.

30. Are you too shy/embarrassed to tell people your middle name? Negatory.

31. If not, what is it? No bc internet, but anyone who knows me well will know it anyway.

32. What day of the week is garbage day on your street? I always forget the exact day; it’s either Tuesday or Wednesday.

33. What is something new you learned today? That it’s possible to complete Dark Souls without ever levelling up.

34. Do you need a haircut? Not a full haircut, but I do need a trim. It’s been about six months since my last one and my split ends are insane.

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? If I try, yeah.

36. When was the last time you ate popcorn? Too long ago! Probably during a D&D session.

37. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Cheap restaurants. The more expensive they get, the less I enjoy the atmosphere.

38. Is your name common? My first and middle names are semi-common, and my surname is very rare, at least in australia.

39. Do you look older or younger than your actual age? Before I transitioned, I was mistaken for up to ten years older. Now that I’ve transitioned, always younger.

40. Were you ever a Pokemon fan? Yus!

41. If you could get rid of one season, which one would you choose? Of which show?

42. Have you ever performed in front of a large group? A couple of times, yeah.

43. Are you hungry right now? Nah, I just ate.

44. Have you ever had the chicken pox? Nope. I should probably get vaccinated. 44. How often do you do laundry? About once a week.

45. Do you know anyone who snores? I do. It sucks, cause I used to not snore at all. Then randomly, about a year and a half ago, I just started snoring for no reason at all. 46. Would you make a good movie critic? I think, with some training, I could. I’m good at being analytical and critical of things. 47. What goal are you aiming for this year? 1) Move house in March/April, 2) yisit Dusty in May/June, and 3) build a computer in July when my tax return comes in! 48. What’s the farthest you’ve walked? In one day? Hard to say, I used to walk a lot but not so much anymore. 49. What does your favourite shirt look like? My current fave is just a plain black blouse. I like it because it goes with almost everything. 

... what? I’m poor, I don’t own much clothing. 50. What made you feel most accomplished in your life so far? Realising just how many people I’ve surrounded myself with who care about me. Realising that I’m going to be okay. 51. What can’t you afford but wish you could? BASIC LIVING REQUIREMENTS LIKE DECENT FOOD AND CLOTHING AND STUFF LIKE THAT

Last 10 people in your Facebook messages inbox: (excluding group chats)

1.       Moses

2.       Sage

3.       Ash

4.       Maz

5.       Kathryn

6.       Maddie

7.       Seb

8.       Chloe

9.       Tammy

10.     Ruin

1. How long have you known 1? Since the day he was born.

2. When did you meet 2? A few years ago, though we didn’t really talk til Miitomo became a thing.

3. When was the last time you saw 3? About half an hour ago.

4. Have you and 4 ever gotten into trouble together before? Oh ho ho, have we ever.

5. How old is 5? 31? I think?

6. Have you ever taken a shower at 6’s house? Nope, I’ve never been to her place at all.

7. Have you ever taken a dump at 7’s house? Haha, yeah.

8. Have you ever thought about going out with 8? Mmmmmmmaybe :3

9. What about 9? Not going out, but we’ve fooled around together.

10. Would you ever go out with 10 or ask 10 out? I actually used to want to, but now we’ve settled into a much more satisfying dynamic.

11. What’s the best memory you have had with 1? No specific ones, but watching him start animating from scratch and achieve great things has been amazing.

12. What’s 2′s lastname? nooooot my place to spill it on the internet :P

13. Would you ever take a bullet for 3? Maybe. It’s hard to say without the situation actually happening.

14. What would you do if 4 died? I’d be pretty fuckin’ sad.

15. What would you do if you found out 5 killed someone that you were related to? Depends on who it was. I’m not very close to most of my relatives.

16. Would you take care of 6 if they were sick? Of course, assuming she was close enough to do so.

17. Would you kill 7 if it was the only way for your other friends to survive? Yep. Sorry dude. If it’s any consolation, I’d say the same for literally everyone else on this list.

18. Has 8 ever cooked for you? She has not, on account of her living half a world away. But we have promised to cook for each other when we finally meet!

19. How many times have you and 9 fought? I don’t think we ever have.

20. Have you and 10 ever cried together? I don’t think at the same time, but we’ve each had times where we cried with the other, yeah.

21. Have you and 1 ever kissed? Ew. No. He’s my brother.

22. Do you ever dream of 2? They’ve been in my dreams once or twice before.

23. Is 3 a boy? Nope.

24. Does 4 have any kids? Noooope.

25. Do you want to marry 5? Nah, I don’t think we’re really suited for that. 26. How did you meet 1? it all started when my mother gave birth to him

27. What was your first impression of 2? meme master 28. Would you ever date 3? I currently am dating 3! 29. Are 4 and 5 friends? They have never met.

30. Who is 6 going out with? Nobody at all. 31. Is 7 a boy or girl? It feels weird calling him a “boy”. He is a man. 32. What would you think if 8 became your stepbrother/sister? I would wonder how the fuck her parents 1) met mine, and 2) didn’t despise each other 33. Is #9 a dork? Of course, and I love that about her.

34. What is a random fact about #10? They make incredibly tasty vanilla custard. 35. Who does #1 have a crush on? Probably his girlfriend 36. Does #2 have any stalkers? Alas, I think they do, though hopefully they’ve all fallen away by now 37. If #3 said they were in love with you, what would you say? I would say it back to them, and we would kiss, because it is already common knowledge that this is a thing.

38. Is #4 hot? My sister is an incredibly gorgeous lass and anyone she fell for would be very lucky to be with her ^_^ 39. Who is #5 best friends with? Her sister, I think. 40. Does #6 have good fashion sense? I don’t think she tries to, but she certainly doesn’t look bad or anything. Her hair is excellent for sure. 41. Is #7 single? He is not! He started dating a lovely lady recently, which was delightful to hear. Hopefully I get to meet her in a couple of weeks. 42. Would #8 and #9 make a cute couple? Ahahaha, I think they’d drive each other up the wall.

[samtheflamingomain]

I. DECLARE... BANKRUPTCYYYYY!!!

I’m bankrupt.

Literally. Not in the Michael Scott sense of just screaming “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!” to my coworkers.

I sat down with a lawyer, and he poured through my shit. How much to I make, how much do I pay in taxes, what are my debts, etc.

I met with him last week, where he gave me a run-down of everything. Then we met today and signed the paperwork and made everything official.

Last week, he actually began by saying, “Let’s start with a credit check. It only works about 60% of the time -” immediately I’m like “Okay so I’m definitely in that other 40% cuz I have shit luck.” “But it’s a start. If it doesn’t go through, we have other options.”

Astoundingly, it went through.

Anyway, he quickly picked up on the fact that I’m a smart person, so he didn’t bother dumbing shit down for me. He said this: “Generally, people with insurmountable debt have 5 choices:

“1. Continue as is. Start there. Is there anything you can do to pay down your debt in a reasonable way? If not, go to number 2." I did.

“2. Ignore it. Don’t pay anything toward your debt. Wait for them to garnish your wages. Let your credit score sink. Obviously, nobody likes this option." Indeed I did not.

“3. Take out a loan from a bank and consolidate your debt into one payment. This makes absolutely 0 sense for you because you literally only have one debt: your personal credit card.

“4. Consumer Proposal. This is when you say to the bank, ‘I know I owe you 10 grand, but what if we settled on like 6 grand, and I’ll pay you $200/month toward that, over several years?’ This is a good option for some people - people with homes and cars and shit they want to keep. You own nothing. You don’t have assets that the bank could take.

“Which leads us to #5. Bankruptcy. This is optimal for people like yourself whom own nothing and thus have nothing to lose. You make poverty wages, so this is a very open-and-shut case." I'm paraphrasing; he did give me the option of the Consumer Proposal, but it just doesn't make sense.

He boiled it down to this: "You're still young. You have time to rebuild your credit score after a bankruptcy. You will lose nothing but $200 a month for 9 months. My paycheck comes out of that. Obviously no credit cards for a while - at least a year - but that and a bad credit score for a few years is all that you stand to lose."

So I agreed. And today I signed a million forms and shook the lawyer's hand and just like that... $10,000 of debt... disappeared.

I'm not sure how I feel just yet. On one hand, this debt has been looming over my head for YEARS. Probably like 1/3 of my life. The fact that it (more or less) is now completely absent from my life (I was paying more than $500/month TOWARD my credit card before, so $200/month is a downright bargain) it... well, it hasn't settled in yet.

I'm used to being strapped for cash because I'd put money toward my debt and then run out of money and put shit ON my credit card before payday. But as of today, after paying rent, I literally have $700 in my bank account. That has never happened before, because if I had $700 in my bank account, I'd but $400 toward my credit card ASAP.

But... I don't need to. I put $400 into a savings account instead. I used to try to use it when I was younger, but once I lost my entire family and became 100% independent, that savings account became nothing but a cruel joke when I logged into online banking. 2 accounts: Checking, with about 3 fucking dollars in it. And your ~savings account~ that's been accumulating nothing but dust for 6 years. Which one do you want to view~?

On another hand (how many am I at now?) I've never *not* had a credit card as an adult. Never. I got my first and only credit card when I was 16 because I was about to go on an exchange program in France and my parents wanted me to have a fallback in case my debit card didn't work there (spoiler alert: it didn't. It was 2011, so maybe things have changed, but in the rural farm community I lived at? It was cash or credit for me. And the nearest bank was an hour away, literally. So thank God they did get me that card.)

After 4 months in France, I'd put about $700 on my credit card. But my parents gave me $500 for my birthday to spend in France, so I paid that, and they paid the rest when I got home.

I didn't need to use my card again till university. I had expenses and no income, so my parents paid it off, usually just $100 a month or so, groceries, transit, etc.

I had about $1100 worth of debt when I became homeless. This was because my parents, before they kicked me out of their house, allowed me to furnish the basement of said house as if it were my own apartment. So I bought a futon, a coffee table, a few things here and there.

Then they kicked me out, and I literally couldn't afford to move any of those pieces of furniture out of the house. So that pissed me right off.

Anyway. After 3 months of homelessness, I'd turned $1100 into $2500. Then I got a place, got settled...

And then my cat got very, very sick. And it only cost me $1000, but at the time, my limit was 3500. I was in tears at the vet's office when they gave me the bill. I literally stood in front of several people and burst into tears. (The original bill was $1200, but I told them my credit limit and they made an exception, thank fuck.)

Then I got a limit increase. $12,000!

Then... my computer died.

Before I go into it, let me make one thing clear: I'm not ashamed of the fact that I require a decent-quality computer. I will use a fucking flip phone, and I would watch TV on a fuckin' 30-incher, but I *need* a good computer into to enjoy my life. It's my Center of Operations for everything creative and informational in my life. I use it to its fullest every single day. 

So I turned $3500 into $5000.

That was my last major expense, in late 2017. So how have I doubled that in just 2 years?

Well, here's a list of things I HAVE to put on my credit card: my phone bill ($50), and therapy ($60, twice a month). That's $170. So do that for 2 years, that's 4 grand.

But I've been putting money toward that amount for 2 years as well, and I've never missed a payment. In fact, I've never made a payment that wasn't at least DOUBLE the MINIMUM payment.

I bought a Switch this year, and I had to buy THREE FUCKING COFFEE MAKERS in the last THREE MONTHS, that's $200. Other than that... alcoholism. And weed. Lots of weed.

To bring this absolute fucking novel to a close: the future. That's a big focus of the bankruptcy process. There's 3 things you have to do: pay (200$/m for 9 months), meet with the lawyer twice, and fill out a budget every month.

Obviously the purpose of the budgets and the meetings are to fix where you dun fucked up and how to get better. But here's the thing...

There was this form that I had to sign that included the "reason I was so in debt and couldn't pay it back". The lawyer had typed in that field "I was homeless for a period of time and haven't been able to pay off that debt and its subsequent accumulation". He's like "I don't think you have a budgeting problem, I think you just had so much debt that it consumed most of your income." And that's true.

But. I don't want to come to him in November and show him that I spent $400 on alcohol and $200 on weed. He literally said, "However you spend your money doesn't matter [re:bankruptcy], we just want to see if there's a way to help you budget better to avoid future debt."

And I think, if I don't have to pay $500 toward my credit card every month, I have little incentive to spend less on alcohol and weed.

But, and I'm sorry this is so fucking long, this is my last point I promise, I've made myself a deal.

Instead of paying that extra money toward my debt, I'm saving it. I want this to be a real, true new start, in every way.

So instead of spending that excess money on alcohol and weed, it's going into that savings account. For a tattoo. That I'm going to design myself. I fucking love tattoos, but I've been so broke the last few years that it's been a hot minute since I've gotten one that I didn't do myself (I have a tattoo gun, they actually look pretty decent).

The lawyer said this as well: "You can have as many savings accounts as you want with your bank. Make one for each thing you're saving toward. 'Vacation', 'Games', anything."

Well I don't have a passport and I don't need a new console, but if I could save even a few hundred bucks toward a new tattoo? Sign me up. So I did.

I want a full, detailed sleeve on my right arm. That'll be at *least* 2 grand. But I can do it. That's my goal. That's me, thinking of the future in the only way I can.

I can't imagine anyone has stayed with me this long but if you have, well Stay Greater, Flamingo. PS: Just an interesting and kinda funny thing. One of the forms I had to sign off on said that, if I were to win the lottery/inheret a large sum of money in the next year, I’d have to pay off all my debts with it. I don’t know why but I just find that absolutely hilarious that they bothered to make up a document in case such a thing were to happen.

[nikkifinnie-blog]

Vice Squad Prepare for the Battle of Britain: Interview with Beki and Wayne

When, where and why did your dream as a musician begin? Beki: I was in love with music as soon as I was aware of it. I was fascinated by the sound of electric guitars as a little kid and still am. I used to make up songs when I was about 8 years old and when I was 9 I played my first 'gig' at my junior school Christmas party in a band named 'The Flashers’. I was also a natural born rebel and questioned the treatment of non-human animals and authority in general from a very early age. Wayne: In my bedroom, trying to play along with my records age 12, wishing one day I'd be good enough to be in a band. How silly of me!! When and why did you choose to sing? Did this ever change, if so why? Also, do you play multiple instruments and if so which is your favourite to play and why? Beki: The voice is the primal instrument, everyone can sing to some extent and I was in the choir at a very music orientated junior school, so I sang every day. By about age 7 or 8 I’d started to notice the difference between powerful singers like Tina Turner, Little Richard, Aretha Franklin, Noddy Holder etc and frailer ‘Pop’ voices and I wanted to sound like the powerful singers. I sort of knew I was born to sing. I got into Punk around age 12 and kept trying to sing in bands at secondary school but had the mic taken from me whenever there was an impromptu rehearsal, so it was quite a coup to end up in a band of older teenagers, call it Vice Squad and actually play a real gig after 3 rehearsals in the bass player’s parent’s garage. When I started to sing professionally (I use the term loosely because you couldn’t really describe Vice Squad as professional in the early days) in my teens I soon realised that there was a huge downside to being a singer, namely that you can’t party all night every night and keep your voice, it’s the equivalent of repeatedly slamming a car door on your hands if you play guitar. It took me several years to accept this fact and my teenage diaries are full of descriptions of alcohol and drug-fuelled escapades followed by genuine incredulity that my voice was croaky and that I felt shite. To be fair I was being spat on, going without food a lot of the time because I was veggie (vegan now) and people thought it was funny to see me go hungry and I was sleeping in the PA truck some of the time so no wonder I drank and took drugs. I suppose like many things in life you have to learn first-hand through your own experiences as no-one wants to be told that they need to curtail their fun. When I sang in a Blues covers band about ten years later I didn’t have any vocal problems in spite of getting plastered on a regular basis, so either that kind of singing comes naturally to me or my voice had matured into sterner stuff. I suspect I chose to sing because it came easily and naturally to me and being very young I didn't understand that if you apply yourself to something you find difficult (like learning to play an instrument) you can learn to do it. I thought you either had a natural gift for doing something or it was beyond you, which isn't the case at all. Wayne: I didn't choose to sing, it was necessity. In covers bands I was in, I needed to do backing vocals so was given a mic and told to get on with it. Eventually, when we were choosing songs, one singer refused to do a couple of songs I wanted to do and said, "If you wanna play that shite, I ain't singin' it, you fuckin' sing it", so I did. And once I'd learned to control what was basically shouting, I got better than the 'singer' quite quickly. When I started my own bands, I became the 'singer' by default as no one else would/could do it and there was no chance of finding someone who COULD do it in our town. Still applies today. I only play bass (guitar and double bass). I love drums, always wanted drums as a kid, can't do it. Can play a bit of guitar enough to get ideas across. Any major influences?  A specific song? Beki: I would howl along to: Bowie; Iggy; the Banshees; The Clash; The Dead Boys; Penetration; UK Sub; X-Ray Spex and also early Queen (yes really), so they must have had some influence but not much as we were very inept when we started so couldn't make ourselves sound like any of the 'real' bands. The females in Punk definitely inspired me to have a go myself. Wayne: Cliff Burton, Steve Harris, Billy Gould, Dan Lilker, Flea, Geddy Lee and Jason Newsted. No specific songs as such. Stuff from the bands I learned to play along with I suppose. Successes and failures along the way? Beki: Just keeping going is a success in this business, the only real failure is giving up and becoming 'normal'. Wayne: Depends on how you term success and failure. Being mediocre at bass guitar has afforded me a lot of opportunities I would never have had, had I not picked it up. I guess writing and making records and getting them out there. The travelling and trips away we have done. Positive good stuff. Making some of my life's best and longest lasting friends. Getting to meet a lot of people in bands I love. Getting to play in the U.S.A, South America, all over Europe, and so on. Many, many festivals. Many, many parties!! Getting something, I played on a vinyl record. All sorts of little goals. There are many more things I'd love to have done but they never happened so whatever. I guess I try to see achievements as successes. You could also say everything I have attempted has failed musically as I'm not a fucking millionaire or whatever, but I don't look at it or indeed life that way. Quitting is the only failure. Any funny stories - lessons learned? Beki: Years ago, I was rehearsing with my second band, Ligotage, at Nomis Studios in West London and Motorhead were rehearsing across the hall from us. We ended up in the pub together and Lemmy was sat on a bar stool next to me and attempted to seduce me with one of the worst chat-up lines I have ever heard, namely "I was the first one in my band to have anal warts". Unsurprisingly it didn’t work, in spite of him insisting that my eventual conquest was 'inevitable’ (which, just for the record, it wasn’t) and him raiding the ladies loo trying to find me after I decided to leg it. A year or so later I went drinking with him on his house boat on Chelsea Embankment. He had several pairs of white Chelsea boots in the front room/cabin and I asked if they were his and he said "No, they used to belong to a horse I once knew". When I could drink no more and wanted to go home he phoned the cab office for me, saying "Hello, this is Scarlett O’Hara" (the name of the boat) which was pretty funny as I couldn’t imagine a less likely Southern Belle than Lemmy. When the cab came Lemmy came out onto the gang plank and shouted "Oi!! Fishnet face!" and flashed at me. I spent the journey home cringing in embarrassment and trying to explain to the cabbie that I hadn’t slept with him and we were just mates.  I obviously haven't learned any lessons as I'm still in a band. Wayne: Lots of funny stuff just related to disastrous occasions and injuries along the way. You know those times when they occur are a nightmare but when you look back, are hilarious? Pranks, scares, all sorts. Too many of those types of stories. Recommendations for those wanting to play your instrument or sing and get into the business. Beki: Sadly, I have to say don’t give up your day job...a few years ago I would have said put everything into your music, but the music biz has got a lot worse and you’ll end up impoverished and desperate if you don’t have a safety net of some sort. If you want to do it for the love of music then go for it, but you have to remember that as with everything else in life the music business isn’t fair, i.e. no matter how talented and dedicated you are you will probably struggle to have any kind of career.  Steer clear of management companies that promise you the world in return for paying them large amounts of money up front and always try to retain ownership of the copyrights of your songs. Be aware that it's usually economics not 'musical differences' that splits up bands. Wayne: If you want to do it, you will do it. You will find a way. Do it for love/the art, not for contrived success or celebrity wannabe bullshit. Your future plans and any new material in the pipeline? Beki: We’re currently writing songs for a new album tentatively entitled ‘Battle of Britain’. The writing has been going really well and we're very excited about it.  We write and record every song in our home studio and release it on our own 'Last Rockers' label and we are self-managed. We have no record company to help us but that means no one tells us how we should sound or what we should sing about. Our material is pure punk, completely DIY from start to finish. Which specific instrument did you start with and what is a good starter instrument (i.e if you play bass, which is a good starter bass?)? Beki: A young child should start on the descant recorder and once s/he is about 10 starts on guitar. I’d recommend a Gibson SG copy; the SG has double cut aways so it’s easy to access the top frets plus it’s a lot lighter than a Les Paul. Second-hand guitars are cheaper than new (unless you’re buying vintage as opposed to used) and you can get something pretty good fairly cheaply. Even if you have an absolute plank you can learn to play, enthusiasm is the most important thing. There are lots of wannabe Rock Stars out there with thousands of pounds worth of gear that their parents bought them but it's meaningless if they don't have talent and in particular the ability to write songs.  In many ways it's better to be poor because you have to try harder, never believe that expensive gear is the key to success.  I properly started (i.e. forced myself to continue until I could play) on a Gibson Les Paul Custom, which is a pretty high-end guitar. When I was a kid I desperately wanted an electric guitar (my Dad played guitar) but my parents couldn’t afford one. They brought me a jumbo acoustic from a second-hand shop, but I found it difficult to play, so didn’t pursue it. Years later our guitarist Paul got me an Aria Pro electric from a shop he worked at in Denmark Street. I started to learn on that, but again as it didn’t come easy I didn’t really push myself. A few years later I had an epiphany, like a voice telling me "You shall play a Gibson Les Paul". Just in case anyone reading this thinks that’s flash and I was well off I’d better make it clear that was not the case. I was too skint to put the heating on, didn’t own a TV set (still don’t) or washing machine and lived pretty much hand to mouth from the money I scraped from playing gigs with The Bombshells (my third band) but I always invested the little I had in stuff for the band, like transit vans, or recording equipment. I bought this beautiful 1988 black Les Paul Custom and named him ‘Granville’ (all my guitars are male and they all have names!). The fact it was a relatively expensive guitar meant I had to practice. This guitar weighs a LOT but luckily, I have the upper body strength to carry it due to years of lugging speaker cabs in and out of venues. I’ve taken it on several US tours etc but ‘he’s’ now been retired to studio work. Wayne: I initially started on an old classical guitar which was left lying around at home. I had this for about 4 years and played it because I wanted too. My first bass was an Aria Pro II XRB series in 1988, which I got as a 16th birthday present from an uncle who worked at Andertons in the 80s. I'd recommend for any beginner bassist either Ibanez, LTD or Yamaha. Best design and build quality for the money bar none. Also, if you prefer something more classic, Squier don't make any crap basses. Every one of them will see you through years of playing. Spend what you can afford. I prefer used as you might get a £300 bass for around £160 second hand. What do you play now? Budget range?  Beki: Currently I play a Gibson Les Paul studio live, it was a present. Prior to that I played an SG Gothic, It has a Bare Knuckle War Pig pick up and sounds like an absolute beast. You can get good copies of SGs and if you buy second hand you’ll pay even less, SGs are lighter than Les Pauls and easier to play because of the double cut away and higher neck joint. Wayne: My main bass right now is a Zon Sonus BG4. Budget range? It technically is the bottom of the main Sonus range of Zon's basses so yes, it was the 'budget' option I suppose. But, it’s the signature version of one of my favourite player's basses from a tone standpoint. What is your dream instrument/set-up and how much?   Beki: I've always coveted our guitarist Paul's old Peavey EVH 5150 amp, I've borrowed it a few times and it sounds awesome, especially with my LP Custom through it. If the sky's the limit, then I'd like Jimmy Page's 1960 Gibson Les Paul Custom Black Beauty and a Mesa Boogie 150 watt Triple rectifier with matching cabs. The trouble with expensive gear is you need to watch it all the time so I'd need my own guitar tech to tend the gear while I'm otherwise engaged at the bar or wherever. Wayne: Ok, I pretty much have my dream bass...BUT if we are playing silly buggers in endorsement dreamland then I'd like something custom built for me (now I actually know what I want from a bass) by someone like Jackson's Custom Shop, built by Mike Shannon. 38mm nut width, brass nut, 24 - 6100 stainless frets, pearl sharkfin and headstock logo inlays, large glow in the dark side dots, graphite or titanium rod reinforcement, musicman style trussrod wheel adjuster (easy to use, no holes in the headstock) bound rosewood board and headstock. Neck finished in a matt laquer. Bodies in a nice lightweight wood, possibly chambered for weight reduction. Bartolini pickups in the same placement configuration as my Zon, hard wired together with the Bartolini stacked 2 band EQ and single volume so there's 3 pots in the space of 2. I find 3 band EQs a bit softer sounding, 2 bands tend to be a bit more aggressive. Gotoh or Schaller Hardware. Maybe 3 Concert Bass thru necks in different colours and / or airbrushed graphic paintjobs. A Randy Rhoads shape and a bolt on Charvel Star shape but all made with the same neck parameters and pickup types, routing placements and circuit types. Also, a maple boarded, bolt on necked Concert Bass with steel screw inserts for easy neck removal for flying and no illegal rosewood issues through customs! How much for all these? Well, at £5000-ish each and maybe 5 or 6 basses... We are not going to go down the road of vintage wants, and/or famous basses wants.... Amps? Mesa Boogie Big Block 750's with a couple of Mesa 8x10's. You can play any stage, anywhere in the word with these. Catch Vice Squad on the 6th May at Coventry's The Arches venue. For more dates or to keep up-to-date visit their Facebook. Read the full article

[slipscout]

I just had a long ass debate on why Trump is bad

First off, let me set the scene: I’m on the bus with two friends, my brother right next to me. My friend suddenly states about how she likes Trump and that “most of what he does makes sense” and when I asked her to explain, she simply states “those illegal immigrants are taking our jobs and housing, and who’s paying for them? Taxes. We are.” And I lost it.

Those immigrants are more than likely looking for a place to settle with their family. Those immigrants come here illegally because by the time 20 years pass, their kids and family could be dead, sick enough to not be able to move, or something worse(honestly, Mafias anyone?) And then there are the ones who want to sell drugs, but we’ll get to that later.

Anyways, my brother interjected, saying “but what about the war veterans? The homeless people? Why aren’t we doing anything about that?”

You’re right, why aren’t we doing anything about it? Well, we are.

Sort of.

You see, from my standpoint and all the things I’ve seen and done in my life(which happens to be very short compared to others) is that Homeless veterans are shaken with PTSD. That’s v common. But, some of them(and I can’t give a percentage), are too proud to accept help. This happens a lot with people- we think we’ve got it under control but we don’t. Other homeless people just... can’t start up. Others want it to stay that way. Some people try and try and try to get back on their feet, only to have bad credit scores or not know their social security numbers, because hey, you can only carry what you have on your back sometimes, right? Anyways, from a wonderful tumblr post way back a few days ago(please link me if you find it?) an OP said “we don’t help those in need. We help those in danger.” Which is accurate. We don’t help those who are struggling with an unstable job or are sinking slowly into debt, we help those who already lost the fight.

Anyways, my point is: the immigrants are taking jobs(usually min. Wage or trash duty, sadly) because they try. They’re determined. Other homeless vets/others can’t get back on their feet well enough to apply, or they’re too proud or want it to stay homeless. Immigrants go through plenty of slurs and pay money for bad people to take them across the border. They’re desprate. So maybe, if we help everyone, we can get better as a society. Help the homeless with homes, with jobs. Minimum wage goes a long way.

Anyways, he also pointed out that these people are on welfare JUST to get back on their feet.

Alright, imagine this: you’re a single parent with two kids.

If you’re a mother? Whoops, gotta keep up that feminine hygene!

If you’re a father? Lucky you! You get paid just a hair more and your boss seems to like you just a little bit more than everyone else.

You just rented out a shady apartment that looks disgusting, but hey, it’ll do until you can get back to your feet. It’s the summer and there’s no conditioning, so you make sure to freeze some water bottles. Your kids are aged 4 and 7, and you need a babysitter while you work at a min. Job as a cashier at McDonalds(the glory!) You’re on foodstamps too: plus or minus the equivelent of 2,000 for you to spend on food. Your 7 year old is sick from the mold growing in the bathroom, and you desperately try to bleach it away. It works, but you spot roaches under the sink. You can’t call an exterminator. You try over the counter medicine for your 7yo and tell them to stay out of the bathroom as you spray it with raid. You go to work, leaving your kids in the hands of the 16 year old in the complex who just needs a couple of bucks for her prom dress. She’s also the only one who knows cpr in the area. Around 10 am, just as you serve your last customer before the lunch rush starts, your manager pages you. Your four year old is in the hospital. He managed to crawl to the Raid store on the counter. He sprayed the Raid in the bathroom, directly into his face when the babysitter went to grab her phone from the bedroom. The fumes made him lightheaded and he passed out fairly quickly. Your seven year old screamed when he went to use the restroom, which made the sitter call 911(and did the right thing by bringing both of them outside and away from the fumes). Your manager, thankfully, tells you to go, but work overtime(greatfully paid) for the next two days. You barely hear him as you get into your car and screech away.

Your debt for the check up on both your kids, extra shots, medication, the ambulance, and gas? Not fun. You’ve just been set back a couple thousand dollars. You can barely afford your apartment now. Your savings- all of it- went down the drain. You thank the sitter, crying, and leave the hospital with tear stained cheeks. At least your kids were alive. Something worse could have happened.

Your car was hit by an idiot on the way home. Such luck. Lucky it was just a rear end but your back tires are completely messed up. You’ll have to get them replaced. The tow company brings your car to the shop and gives you a lift. The price for it? Not pretty. Your oil also needs changing, and your trunk has a bunch of shards, not safe for the kids(who weren’t hurt at all, not a scratch. Some miracles happen.)

Accidents happen guys, and people who keep trying to get out of welfare make a mistake, slip up, or get injured. The cost of living in America(or in a ‘rich’ country) is high, and eveything is either expensive or overly taxed.

Welfare helps, but sometimes help isn’t enough.

This country is in bad shape. By whom, we don’t know. It could date back to the founding fathers or to Bill Clinton, or to Trump(thanks for the wall, really helped out our debt). Either way, we’ve only exsisted for 200-250 ish years. We need to learn that we’re.. learning. Every government has its ups and downs and everything is probably shitty within its first few centuries. But we just need to work harder. We need to work out the kinks and educate everyone on not hatred, but compassion. Look out fo yourself, but try to help in little ways. Comfort the coworker. Give a meal to the homeless lady down the street. Greet each person as you would your family. Do not greet them based on race, religion, sexuality, etc. We’re all human. We’re one race.

We don’t need a cheeto puff with a caterpillar as hair, or a corrupt woman(seriously please help this election was a joke.)We need someone to work on the big picture by going through the small details(mainly debt. Please.) We don’t need to talk about illegal immigrants as if they’re some sort of pest, we need to fix our drug problem. Up border security? Maybe. Lower the fuckin years it takes to get approved? Fuck yeah. Seriously, 10-20 years is insane to be approved to move into a new country. No one talks about Suan B. Anthony or knows who all of the presidents are. This is why there are so many illegal immigrants- because our approval time is way too fuckin long. We need to teach them every little detail about America that they’ll never use. English is a must, yes, but even broken English and bad adjectives is better than nothing.

Anyways that was my rant

Fuck you Donald Trump

Fuck you Hilary Clinton

Fuck this election

Fuck America- actually no wait pls send help we are doing p shitty here

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #444

“the monster you made is wearing the crown  /  i’ll be the king, and you’ll be the clown”

Do you take off from school, or work for your birthday? Ha, I used to try to talk Mom into letting me stay home from school... It only sometimes worked. Have you ever created ‘open when’ letters for someone? No. That'd be cute for an s/o, though. What is the best thing about being in the relationship you’re in right now or about being single? Not having to fear my partner leaving because of the struggles I'm going through. Not having to worry about not being enough for another person, because I'm not even enough for myself. Do you have a favourite painting? Not by a historical artist, no, but there is a piece by a deviantART artist called "Denialism" (by NukeRooster/Tatchit, if you're interested) that I adore so much I've actually gotten her permission to get it tattooed one day when I can afford a brilliant artist to do it. What are some of the best life hacks you know? /shrug What makes you smile without fail? MARK LAUGHING laj;sdkafjwlk;erj Do you know what you’ll be getting your loved ones for the holidays this winter? No clue. That's still a whiles off. What is your biggest short-term goal (within the next month)? Just lose a decent amount of weight for a month's time. What will your next tattoo be of? It depends on what cash I have available, really. As much as it sucks, I think my next tat is a whiles off because I just have more pressing things to pay for. Has anyone very close to you ever died? Besides pets, the closest human to me that's ever died was Jason's mom. If you were throwing your significant other/best friend a themed party, what would the theme be? Uh, Frieza-related, obviously. Do you feel prepared for the apocalypse? I don't believe in the apocalypse in the biblical sense of it being determined by an ultimate power, so this isn't something I really think about. Whenever humanity ends, it ends. I don't have a say, so I may as well not obsess over it. Do you think you will have children naturally, adopt, or forgo having children altogether? I'm not having kids, but if I did, I know that either I'd have to give birth to them or my hypothetical wife would for me to feel *properly* connected to them as a mother should. Oh, or if my male partner had a kid from a previous relationship, but I'd have to be REALLY in love with him to feel like that child is also my own. Do you take pictures of yourself on a daily basis? Oh god no. Do you believe in angels? No, but rather just spirits. Is there anything in your past that you used to regret, but now you don’t? Hm, maybe? Does your knee hurt? My knees always hurt. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Yes. Do you like raisins? omg nooooo What is your favorite bug? Butterflies! :') Do you like Scrabble? Sure, it's fun for a board game. Do you have a printer? Yes. What is your favorite food? Cheeseburgers or pizza, probably. I know, so American. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? Yes. Do you like ants? They are very fascinating when you really think about it, but I still find them incredibly annoying. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. Have you ever drank goat milk? No, I don't believe so. What’s your favorite video game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. Do you like cats? I love kitties!!! :') Are goldfish your favorite fish? No. I think my favorite is probably the lionfish. Do you like vanilla pudding? No. I only like chocolate pudding. What is your opinion on gay marriage? I 100% support it and would fight to the death for it. What is your opinion on gay adoption? Don't even fucking look at me if you see a problem with a parentless child finding a home with two people in love. Who was the last person you had a crush on? Sara. What’s the most expensive piece of clothing you own? I have zero clue. Why do you drive the car you have right now? I don't have my own car. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Omg yes and it sucks. Are you friends with your neighbors? No. What is your current desktop picture? One of my favorite pictures of my late pup, Teddy. What’s the coolest thing you’ve seen out the window of an airplane? Mountains! Does your neighbor have any pets? *shrug* Have you ever swam in a mountain lake? No, but that sounds VIBIN'. Has a cat/dog ever thrown up on your bed? alksdjflk;a;jdfalwe yes Have you ever had a concussion? One or two. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Not currently, I think? I want a fat-tailed gecko, though. :( Would you ever go bear hunting? I wouldn't dare hunt ANY animal. Have you ever seen two movies at the theater in a row? I have not. How many teenagers do you know who have babies? I know no teen personally that has a child, but there were some pregnant students in high school. If you could keep your parents or trade them for other parents, which would you pick? I would NEVER change my parents. Is there a piggy bank in the room you’re in? It's not a "piggy" bank, per se, but my sister got me a skull one that she says is for my tattoo funds. :') How many sets of twins do you know? Two, off the very top of my head. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? Yes. No one fucks with her for as long as I live. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not especially. Who is your favorite Disney Channel person? Uhhh, maybe Raven Symone? How many pets do you have? Just two. Do you think you will be successful in life? No. :/ What do you have pierced? My earlobes, twice, and my bottom lip. I have been dyinnnnggg for some new ones lately. :/ Does techno annoy you as much as it annoys me? No, I actually enjoy quite a bit of techno. What’s your comfort food? Ice cream. Do you like paranormal stuff? YES. Do you have a favorite stuffed toy? Rebel, my adorable meerkat plush from Jason, and Brownie, my moose from Cabela's. What’s the most exciting project you were given? In a way, my senior project since you got to choose your own topic, but I dreaded the presentation. Do you have a good sense of direction? Not at ALL. What are your favorite colour for a cat? Orange! If you had to live your life carrying a shield, what would its design be? This is gonna sound super, super cheesy, but probably a heart to symbolize how love should and could block the effects of hate and general evil and that we should pursue that instead of violence. Out of all the cancers, which one do you think needs to find a cure first? Oh god, they all do. If I had to pick one though, it'd be one of the inevitably fatal kinds, like pancreatic. What are your general afterthoughts when you’ve finished a book? I feel accomplished for actually reading to a story's completion. How many pairs of glasses (not sunglasses) have you owned? Two, I think? What color is your flash-drive? Hot pink. Have you ever built a sand castle? Yeah. How many houses have you lived in? Six. One I have no memory of. Do you shut off the water while you brush your teeth? Yes. What video game should everybody play at least once? Amnesia: A Machine for PIgs for the symbolism. It blows my mind how most horror fans hate it; it's like they totally miss the point. 100 years from now, what modern things will people look back on and say, “WTF?” Hopefully things like homophobia, racism, misogyny, concepts like those. What is impossible to understand until it happens to you? Mental illness, to name only one thing. What fictional food item from a television show, cartoon, movie, or video game have you always wanted to try? Hm. There's a lot that has looked super good, really. What’s something that gets much more hate than it deserves? Nickelback, lmao. What phrases or sayings drive you crazy? "Everything happens for a reason," "it could be worse/some people have it worse," "it's all part of God's plan," "just think positive"... a lot of stuff. Do you have a deviantART? I do, even though Eclipse made it fucking suck. I only really stay because I cling to the dying hope of being at least somewhat successful on there, and I enjoy keeping tabs on the artwork of the hundreds of people I watch there. Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? Mufasa, even if he doesn't last long in the movie. :''''''( Have you ever been to Germany? No, but I'd love to! What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. Have you ever been ice skating? No. The blades on the skates scare me. Have you ever taken a karate class? No. Do you have any nieces or nephews? I have a lot, if you include my half-siblings' kids. Do you own an Xbox? Nah, I've always been a PlayStation gal. Would you date someone who’s well-known for cheating? Nope. Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? No. I'd consider their reasons, but ultimately, it's about me loving the person. Could you be in a relationship without sex? Yeah, sure. It's not ideal, but I mean if the other person is just very opposed, I'm certainly not forcing them. Emotional intimacy is more important to me, anyway. Have you ever been “friendzoned”? Yep. :') Briefly, anyway. Jason tried for my sake, but it was VERY short-lived by no one's fault but my own because all I know how to do is fuck shit up when it comes to him. Which “famous couple” is your favorite? LOOK Mark and Amy are FUCKIN GEMS Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? Pretty fucking much. Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? I'm submissive by nature. Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? No, I think it's a cute holiday. Which do you feel is worse of the two to smoke: weed or tobacco? Well, weed has more carcinogens, but at least it has actual health benefits. Who did you last see that you haven’t seen in ages? *shrug* Are you photogenic at all? God no.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #470

“how can you choose to let the blind see better than you?”

What was the main character called in the last film you watched? Dewey. What would you name your pet snake if you had one? It would depend on its appearance. The snake I have now is named Venus because of her coloration. Do you like peanuts? Only if they're covered in chocolate or in granola bars in small portions. Have you ever gambled? What was your biggest loss/win? No. What was the last movie you watched? Who did you watch it with? Girt and I watched School of Rock together. What do you eat for breakfast? Excluding the rare occasions my mom cooks something, usually cereal or a sandwich. Do you have a Flickr? I do, but it's abandoned. Anything exciting happening in the month of September? No. When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Oh man, it's been too long. I really want one now. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yeah. What was the last thing to scare you? "Scare" is a strong word, but I was very, very nervous to hear what weight I'd gained since my last doctor's appointment. Do you like mustard? Yeah, I do. Do you have a desktop computer or laptop? A laptop. Do you like to play Jenga? I guess? I don't really have an opinion on it. Do you like Fresca? Not very, but I'll drink it if I really want a soda and it's the only option. How many towels do you use after a shower? Just one. Would you ever flash a cop if you knew you'd get out of a ticket? Um, no thank you. What is your favorite thrill ride ever? I don't like those. I'm afraid of puking or fainting. Biggest irrational fear? Truly irrational, probably whale sharks. Favorite movie sequel? Hm. If you had endless funds, where would you buy most of your clothes? Cloak and Rebel's Market. How many jobs have you had? Three, technically. What is your favorite thing to do in your city? Oh hun, fun doesn't exist here. This place sucks. Have you ever gone strawberry picking? Ha ha, yes... but I was a little kid that absolutely gorged on the strawberries instead of putting them in my basket. The person that worked there didn't make my mom pay for what I did or anything, but they made a joke about weighing me to check the damage I did, ha ha. My face was COVERED in strawberry juice. I wish I could actually remember the occasion, but I was too young. How many times have you seen a doctor this month? It feels like a lot. >_< I had to get blood drawn for two different things on separate appointments, I had a follow-up appointment with my primary physician about my weight, I recently spoke to my therapist and psychiatrist... Could you pull off orange hair? I've actually considered like, a light creamsicle orange. I actually edited a photo of me with my current hair style trying different colors, and that tint looked pretty cute. Do you shave your legs? It sounds dumb, but yes, now that I'm in a relationship. I feel obligated to at least try and be attractive by societal standards. I know it seriously doesn't matter, but I would be so inexplicably mortified if he saw my unshaven legs kalsdj;flkasdjwe What type of weather is your favorite? Snowy! Coolest place you've ever been? Disney World, probs. Do you like corn on the cob? Yeah, man. Have you ever waited tables? No. Build your favorite pizza. Soft pan crust, your average amount of sauce and a good amount of cheese with various meats on it. What did you last get fancy for? I wouldn't say I got like, super fancy, but I wore a nice shirt and a necklace when Girt came over for the first time as a couple. I thought we were actually leaving the house to go out to dinner, but the plan was actually to have Buffalo Wild Wings delivered. It was totally fine by me, I'd just misunderstood. Dream pet? A female Brazilian Black tarantula named Black Betty. :') Do you tend to get clingy in relationships? I know I do. What is the last horror movie you watched? It's sad that I don't know. :( Would you be grossed out if your best friend mooned you? No, I'd just be extremely confused lmao. What is the last thing that you drank? Milk. Currently popular song that you can't stand? I have zero idea what songs are popular right now. What is the weather like right now? Too fuckin' hot to be mid-September. Do you have favorite type/brand of pen? I mean, I like the feel of gel pens. I don't know about brands. What is your go-to snack at the convenience store? Some form of Reese's. Popular drink that you dislike? Coffee shocks the most people. What TV show are you waiting on to return/create a new season? None. What is something you currently want but cannot afford? Oh, dear. -_- Do you have sensitive skin? Very. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Three that I know, one that I don't really count because I know nothing about her and have never spoken to her. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you live in an apartment? No. Cats are usually cuter than dogs right? Kittens are generally cuter than puppies, imo. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? It has to stay in my bedroom, which I hate. Mom insists on in being in here so I don't forget to clean it. My memory is awful, but I'm preeeetty sure I'd remember to give my cat a clean place to use the bathroom if it was kept in the spare room by the door... Are you rude to little children? No; even if I don't really like kids, that is something I definitely avoid. Kids should never lose their hope in or love for humanity, and I would absolutely hate to be one of those people that makes the human race appear unpleasant. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? BY FAR. He's a mailman so is out in the sun nearly every day, so he's pretty damn dark to be Caucasian. I wouldn't be surprised if by his complexion he's ever been mistaken for being Hispanic, because the color definitely fits. Do you like apricots? No. Are banana chips delicious? Ew, that sounds gross. Do you like kinky sex? I wouldn't know, my dude. I've never really explored outside of pretty vanilla stuff. What is one thing you will never do again? Rely solely on another person for happiness. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? Twice as happy. That's not even a competition. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? I very legitimately wonder if I would be disowned for how fucked up some of the shit I write is, ha ha. Mom would probably cry if she saw some of even the milder stuff and force the topic to come up in therapy. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Maybe painting? If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Hmmm... I suppose ketchup. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? I think it is, but I don't. .-. What is the best present you could ever receive? An all-expenses-paid trip to South Africa to visit and tour with the Kalahari Meerkat Project to meet and photograph the meerkats. :''''''''''') Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free WiFi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? Nah. That's what data is for, lol. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A new car for Mom. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? Oh, that is SO easy. Give me the view. Well wait, HOW tiny is the house? My answer would change if it was one of those truly mini houses that would make me feel claustrophobic as shit. What was your favorite Disney movie as a kid? The Lion King. Still is. Do you brush your teeth in the bathroom, or do you get bored & roam around? I roam around. Does your city/town have a little festival/carnival every year? Yes. I never really pay attention tho 'cuz I never go. Have you ever been to an apple orchard? No, but I would love to go. Were there any cartoons your parents didn’t let you watch as a kid? Except "adult" cartoons obviously, no. Could you handle motherhood? No fucking way. Being entirely serious, I think I'd either end up dead or horribly depressed, and the kid psychologically damaged to some extent from having an unstable mother. Like do not get me wrong, I'd try very hard, but I know I couldn't stay sane and happy as a mom. Have you ever touched a squirrel? No. What's better, candles or incense? Incense. What movie did you see the most in theaters? I don't watch movies in theaters twice. It's expensive to go even once. Who played the best Batman? Idk. I didn't watch all the movies. Who’s the best American Idol thus far? *shrug* What’s likely to happen next in your family - wedding, funeral, or birth? Uh, I suppose a wedding? None seem likely any time soon. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Hot. Have you ever taken part in a threesome? No, not my jam. Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Yep. Which movie’s musical score is truly memorable? Tarzan came to mind very quickly. What’s your favorite scene from the movie Titanic? Idk, I've only seen it once. Which TV show theme music do you remember most? That '70s Show. Have you ever bounced any checks? ... I don't even know what that means. :x Have you ever been snipe hunting? I will never in my life hunt in any way, shape, or form. Do you try to be politically correct? For the most part, but I do believe it's gone too far. Generally though, I try to conform to the "rules" to avoid offending someone. What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? Bottlenose dolphins, various types of whales, sea turtles... I don't think I could pick one. Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? Does it count if it's from a honeysuckle flower? Do you like to wear toe socks? No, they're mad uncomfortable imo. Have you ever worn bright red lipstick? Yes. Do you think raccoons are adorable, like I do? BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!

[intimatevoid]

yet another one stolen from @littledonkeyburrito

1. Where is your cell phone right now? On my desk in front of me

2. How many pictures of yourself do you have on your phone? A few, I usually take selfies in groups of several but I haven’t taken any in a while.

3. What song did you listen to the most this summer? I think I was on a heavy She kick last summer so it was probably either Electric Girl or Chiptune Memories.

4. Describe your hands. They’re pretty handy.

5. Have you ever been chased by an animal? (If so, which one) I don’t think so tbh.

6. How many people in your family have blue eyes? I don’t actually know. My mum and I do, and at least one of my brothers does as well, but most of my family got my dad’s brown eyes.

7. What’s the longest you’ve ever been on an airplane? Just a couple of hours, on a flight from Brisbane to Sydney.

8. How did you get one of your scars? I jumped off the top bunk as a kid and smashed my forehead on a chest of drawers.

9. How did you celebrate your last birthday? Ash took me out to Ichi, a Japanese restaurant I like. The manager gave me a free ice-cream for dessert.

10. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? I’m not wearing a shirt right now.

11. How old will you be at your next birthday? 26.

12. What did you do last weekend? Maybe played video games but otherwise literally nothing.

13. What did you have for breakfast? I haven’t eaten breakfast yet.

14. Have you ever been out of the country? Nope.

15. Have you ever had sex on the beach? Hell no

16. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? I have not!

17. Who was the last person you saw? Ash, when I went to ask them what we did on my last birthday, since I have an awful memory.

18. Who was the last person you messaged? That would be Chloe.

19. Where does your best friend live? One in Sydney, the other in Manitoba.

20. Where did you last go? Just aldi, I think

21. Where do you go to school? I don’t, thank fuck.

22. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? Nah. There was a good reason behind all of my breakups.

23. Who was the last person you sat next to? Ash, in the car.

24. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more? A couple, though I’m not really close to them and would hardly call any of them “friends” anymore.

25. When was the last time you ate chips? Yesterday!

26. How many people have you kissed in this month? Just one.

27. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? I do, in fact, since I have to pack it today .

28. What are you doing tomorrow? Leaving Ruin’s place (where I am going today) and heading to Dakota’s.

29. What color are your socks? I’m not wearing socks, but I don’t own any socks that aren’t black anyway

30. Last thing you got in the mail? Ash’s birthday present ^_^

31. Who were you with Friday night? Mark was in town, so I was with him and Ash.

32. How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Up to an hour depending on whether I need to shave or not.

33. Where’s the closest hoodie to you right now? It’s behind me, lying on my bed.

34. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Depends. In summer, a cool or cold shower shortly before bed, so I don’t sweat too much during the night. In winter, a hot one in the mornings.

35. Think back to June. Were you in a relationship? Yup! Two, actually, at least for the first half of it.

36. Who was the last person to be in your bedroom? ash lol

yeah in case it wasn’t obvious I don’t really see many other people besides my partner

37. Have you ever eaten an uncooked cookie? Do you mean… cookie dough?

38. Is there a place that you wish you could visit? Domestically there’s Sydney and Melbourne. Internationally there’s Japan, Canada, and New Zealand.

39. Do you believe that this weekend will be a good one for you? I think it’ll be pretty standard and dull, albeit slightly hung over from that night at Dakota’s.

40. Have you ever fallen asleep on someone? I have~

41. Are all of your friends in relationships? Most of my friends are not.

42. Would you ever eat a bug for 1000 dollars? I would eat many bugs and then never have to worry about money again. Fried crickets are apparently quite tasty.

43. What’s going on with you and the last person you messaged? We are besties ^_^

44. Is your cell phone usually on vibrate or is the ringtone usually on? Usually vibrate, but I’m trying to remember to put it on ringtone more often.

45. Do you sext? It’s really not my thing. I mean if we’re going to do something like that then we might as well just meet so we can fool around properly.

46. Where are your biological parents? Down in Tasmania, and good riddance.

47. Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car? Assuming the value of the car was also $40K, I would take the money, no question. Could buy a cheap car with a fraction of that. But if it was a VERY expensive car, I would take that instead and sell it immediately.

48. Did the last person you message, message you back? She did.

49. Tell me about the last conversation you had with the opposite sex. I saw Ev yesterday, we talked about D&D stuff.

50. What is something you always have with you? Internal organs

51. Are you thirsty? In both senses of the word, yes.

52. What room are you in? Bedroom, thought I really ought to be in my kitchen making some breakfast.

53. Rice or beans? Rice ^_^

54. Last pair of shoes you wore? I was trying on my nice platform hells that I wanna show Ruin tonight, making sure they weren’t too tight or anything, since I haven’t worn them in ages.

55. Do your parents swear? They like to pretend they don’t.

56. Are you comfortable doing things on your own or do you prefer to have company? I prefer company when I’m not at home.

57. Do you think travelling is something that every young person should do to gain life experience? I don’t know. I’ve never been able to afford to travel.

58. Do you have a certain color grape you like the most? I like green ones ^_^

59. If you could kiss someone right now, who would it be? I’m not too fussy, anyone off the shortlist

60. Would you rather go to a party or go on a quiet date? Depends on who the party and the date are each with. I like both, depending on the people.

61. Type in “[your name] needs” in the Google search: Anna needs to pee Reaction: But I already did that this morning!

62. Type in “[your name] wants” in the Google search: Anna wants the d Reaction: Not right now, thank you XD

63. Type in “[your name] is” in the Google search: Anna is pregnant Reaction: Somehow I feel like that’s not going to happen any time soon.

64. Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search: Anna looks like Elsa Reaction: Yup, because Disney’s incapable of giving their female characters more than one god damned face

65. Type in “[your name] does” in Google search: Anna does makeup Reaction: Sometimes, when I feel like it. I probably will today.

66. Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search: Anna hates Elsa Reaction: Fuckin Frozen again

67. Type in “[your name] goes” or “..has gone” in Google search: Anna goes to Elsa's castle Reaction: I swear to god

68. Type in “[your name] loves” in Google search: Anna loves Elsa Reaction: sighhhhhhh

69. Type in “[your name] makes” in Google search: Anna makes cake Reaction: I haven’t made cake in too long ;w;

70. When was the last time you wore a Band-Aid and why? A couple of days ago, when I sliced my thumb open.

71. A trip to California, the Bahamas, New York, Wisconsin, Utah, or Canada? Canada for sure.

72. Whose house were you at last, besides your own? Annika’s, I believe. But that would have been AGES ago. 73. Any big plans for this summer? Literally none lmao 74. Who was the last person you were in a vehicle with other than family? Counting Ash and the polycule as family? Probably Ruin tbh 75. What’s something you need to get done soon? I need to put some clothes on and have breakfast and go get ready for this afternoon’s trip. 76. Is your best friend awake right now? She probably is, though she’s not online right now. 77. If I came to your house, could I find any kind of chocolate? Alas, you would not. 78. What size bed do you have? Just a double. There isn’t room for anything bigger in my teeny tiny room. 79. Who was the last person to upload a picture with you in it? Ash probably 80. Have you ever held a snake? Yes, but it was too long ago and I wanna hold one again :c 81. Do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? Nope but I need a shower cap tbh 82. Would you rather go to a beach, an amusement park, or a water park? Beach, I think. 83. Have you ever kissed under water? Nah. 84. Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? Yeah 85. Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? I’ve never done either, but both sound hella fun. 86. Do you have alcohol in your house? Not a drop.

87. Do you have anything to pay off? I don’t think so? 88. What are you listening to? Babymetal. They’ve really come into their own with their latest album. 89. Where did you first hear this song? Youtube, it just came up in a generated playlist.

Last 10 people in your Facebook messages inbox: I’m merging Telegram because I use it more, and excluding group chats

1. Chloe 2. Maddie 3. Ruin 4. Sage 5. Ash 6. Dakota 7. Bixbi 8. Kathryn 9. Mark 10. Jill

How long have you known 1? Almost nine years.

When did you meet 2? A couple of months ago.

When was the last time you saw 3? I think it was a couple of months ago? But I’ll be seeing them again today anyway

Have you and 4 ever gotten into trouble together before? Hoo boy, have we ever.

How old is 5? 35.

Have you ever taken a shower at 6’s house? I have not!

Have you ever taken a dump at 7’s house? I’ve never been to their house, unfortunately.

Have you ever thought about going out with 8? We actually met on a dating site! But we realised we would make better friends and that’s going well.

What about 9? Lord no.

Would you ever go out with 10 or ask 10 out? I sure would ^_^

What’s the best memory you have had with 1? We’ve had some truly excellent conversations. Like, really good ones.

What’s 2′s lastname? Blackman

Would you ever take a bullet for 3? I wouldn’t be able to answer that unless I was in the situation. Unfortunately I tend to freeze.

What would you do if 4 died? I would be pretty god damn fucking upset.

What would you do if you found out 5 killed someone that you were related to? I would ask them what the hell that was about.

Would you take care of 6 if they were sick? Of course <3

Would you kill 7 if it was the only way for your other friends to survive? Sorry babe ^^; In my defence, literally all of the other people on this list would also be killed as well if it was the same situation.

Has 8 ever cooked for you? Negatory. I’ve not been to her house before.

How many times have you and 9 fought? Never?

Have you and 10 ever cried together? I think we might have once before.

Have you and 1 ever kissed? No ;n;

Do you ever dream of 2? Nope.

Is 3 a boy? Negative.

Does 4 have any kids? Nope.

Do you want to marry 5? I love them to bits and I want to stay with them, but nope, marriage is not for us.

Are 4 and 5 friends? They know each other and are friendly acquaintances, I think?

Who is 6 going out with? I can’t remember their name but they are really cute Is 7 a boy or girl? No. What would you think if 8 became your stepsibling? She would be a pretty cool stepsister.

What is a random fact about #10? We actually met like six years ago, before I transitioned, and then met again afterwards to become proper friends. If #3 said they were in love with you, what would you say? Considering that we’ve already talked about dating and decided it wasn’t for us, I would ask them what was going on. XD Is #4 hott? They’re smokin’ ^_^ Who is #5 best friends with? Me I think XD Does #6 have good fashion sense? Oh yes, they have the BEST taste. Is #7 single? I... don’t actually know! I know Bix talks about a couple of people a lot but I don’t know if they’re actually dating or not. Would #8 and #9 make a cute couple? A lesbian and a het dude? Yeah no I don’t see that happening.