#they were cut because they weren't good
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Do you have any deleted scenes from SPE? You mentioned a couple you cut before.
I dooooooo~ they're sort of half written on the side bits and pieces that I went and wrote that either got cut or I retroactively wanted to add in, but they just did not fit, so... alas.
One scene showing that moment when baby Alfred was very sick and Evelyn sat up all night with him, arguing with Rhys about how much her positioning herself as a mother to a colony is a bad idea.
Another is her coming to Boston during the Commonwealth after she escaped the Tower and got a ship overseas. Alfred runs to her, they fall into the waves and Alfred is like, 'wooft you're skinny' whilst Evelyn has a bit of a breakdown.
Like a lot of the scenes when Alfred was younger, including the one above, I left it alone because of pacing and because it was supposed to be vague, their relationship. How they remember and interpret and forget the same events. Same for the apple eating and washing of hair at Glastonbury. Evelyn remembers them very clearly, Alfred forgets them over time. More about what you don’t see than what you do for those two...
Another was following the second failing of the Great Reform Act in 1831 and the ensuing riots and deaths. Matthew continues being parentified and is guilted into not bringing up his own concerns with Evelyn, who is having another depressive and drugged episode. I tried again with a similar scene in the 1930s to try and resolve Matthew and Evelyn’s relationship, but honestly, it just felt redundant to a similar scene in the 1780s, so I cut that too. The only thing I wish I'd done more with was Evelyn mistakenly calls Jack love instead of sweetheart (because before Jack it was Alfred who was her sweet love and Matthew is the epitome of 'yikes' seeing her do that). The scene also showed Ireland Scotland and Wales in the same room and their attitudes towards the politics at the time - Scotland still determined it would work, Wales derisive, Ireland resigned but angry, England depressed.
The final one was one I half wrote in 1948, which is Alfred and Evelyn discussing her going back to Europe. It was supposed to be Alfred keeping his promise and letting her stay away from Europe for a few years, and showing that, whilst Evelyn was better than what she was, she still wasn't good. She suggests going to Germany so she can help with the airlift and resume nursing, this time within the new NHS, which Alfred is happy about, but then when she asks for his help selling the estate in Somerset she doesn’t give the reason he was hoping for.
So yeah. They were mostly cut for pacing reasons or because they were sort of redundant. If you like, I can share them one day? They are short bits here and there - first drafts - and not fully realised and revised.
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I am once again thinking about how odysseus who witnessed the horrors that the captured women went through (one of his main duties in the iliad was taking the women back home and making sure they were as comfortable as possible and safe because he was the only one trusted not to violate them further due to his devotion to penelope. And in the odyssey part of the reason circe sent him to the underworld was so that he'd have to listen to all these women's stories (before he could talk to the prophet) ). Who was one of the few that saw women as people and respected their space and opinions. And was then put in those exact same situations. I don't have the motivation right now to do a full literary analysis of this (I'll site the sources too) but oh man one day I'm going to write a full essay on this.
#The odyssey#iliad#Odysseus#Tw: rape#Tw: sex slaves#Tw: camp slaves#Tw: That one time Calypso kept odysseus as a sex slave for 7 years#circe#Something about the inherent trauma of witnessing how your friends treat women#Watching them keep sex slaves#Then having to bring these girls home hearing about their stories seeing the aftermath#Then living in a situation where you have to let a powerful witch use you as she pleases half in payment for lives/food/medicine#Half because she has the equivalent of a gun to your best friends head and if you don't keep her happy then youre all dead#And then that witch sends you on a quest to the underworld where granted you'll benefit too but first#You have to listen to every single captured women from the Trojan war that you didn't Shepard home tell you their stories#Tell you that you're a horrible person while you are living in a disturbingly similar situation#And then later finding yourself trapped as a sex slave for seven years to an immortal nymph#And then being labeled as a horrible cheater for the rest of history#And none of this well historically everybody cheated or it's up to interpretation bullshit#Because it fucking isn't and granted a lot of abridged versions skip this shit#But if you read the full original stories and still think odysseus cheated then you just have an issue with men being victims#Or weren't paying attention i guess#Where's that meme where's it like the text was up to interpretation cut to the text where it very bluntly states what's happening#And I'm not saying odysseus was a good person or that he didn't have slaves because he did. And he wasnt#But first off nobody deserves to suffer that violation#Second they weren't sex slaves they were all nurses/maids/spys and I'm not getting into the ancient culture slavery issues rn#Third there's a lot you can pick to hate odysseus for but cheating/disrespecting women wasn't one of them#They literally invented a new word to describe his and penelopes love and it means to be so in love that you think the exact same way#Also forcing this narrative of odysseus cheating and penelope leaving to be a single girl boss is#Just the fake feminist mindset that stay at home moms are weak and wrong and live awful lives
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saw someone on twitter say "one of the main characters in a loki show should have been thor odinson, not some random Sylvie or Mobius.
...... It's like a written law"
wdyt do you agree
I don't think it was necessary to make Thor a main character in a Loki show, the same way it WOULD be possible to throw together a Thor movie without having Loki be a main focus.
The issue comes in the quality of the narrative itself, and writing that if evidently without intention to care for (whichever) main character's importance will not work out. Neither the Loki series nor Thor 4 cared about the arc, motivations, history, or continuity of the titular characters beyond trying to make the media marketable.
Overall messaging can add a layer to the impact a story will have. Musical score can be a bonus way to control tone or tie a story together. Supporting cast can be vital to tell a good story. Prioritising their presence over anyone's (especially Loki's) characterisation is what the Loki series suffered from, not that other, original-adjacent characters were there.
#i'd say it was tell not show but frankly the plotline was so poorly done i don't think showing would have helped#it would have solidified the side characters better though#if they had put effort into characterising Loki right then poorly done side characters could've been a non-issue#messing up the main characters which are supposed to be part of a continuity is the number 1 issue#not managing the screen-time well was the number 2 issue#too much time wasted setting up characters that were going to monologue about their importance anyway??#too much time spent trying to establish the TVA as something important and controlling but somehow good#so much could have been cut out of the show and still gotten all that across#the relationships people built did so in like 2 days in-universe iirc so i wouldn't call them solid#season 1 was a useless introductory setup for the multiverse that didn't have any impact because there were like 4 other setups#scrap the characterisation and call it a reboot and it still threw Loki out as a weak and completely conventional protagonist#that's not engaging when every other character is also boring overall#even if their concepts weren't boring the way it was done was#The Loki Show#i can't be bothered thinking about the show because there's just so much#where would one start#i don't care enough about it to hate the show but i did find the fight choreography lacking too#the camera angles and general videography wasn't good#i have the same complaints about the choreography with every other disney+ show they put out#not even bothered with the MCU frankly#i'm happy to pretend the movies stopped after phase 2
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you know whats cool?? mourning the death of a close friendship so intensely that you actually kinda wanna die on a random saturday night
#tfw you were so close with someone that when they basically cut you off it rewired your brain so thoroughly that you now believe#all your relationships will never last and you're actually undeserving of love. and you don't even hate them#you just wish you knew why you weren't and aren't good enough#yeah im trying to work through that fear and step outside my comfort zone but gods is it hard. is it hard#can someone slit my throat like lestat's and give me a goddamn factory reset#s.txt#my mom still asks about you and i have to lie and i don't know why i lie. because it hurts more to admit the truth i guess
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I remembered that I can actually do anything I want, so I've been using faux fur as a texture element in patching up my old ripped jeans (not done stitching yet as evidenced by the pins on the border of it)
I am also going to buy red thread and try to include a decorative amogus somewhere on here.
#Ford's art#visible mending#sewing#color says shit#I've been staying up until almost 2am sewing because I lose track of time while stitching.#I used a denim patch as an actual backing and cut and trimmed the fur patches to size and cut the fur around the hole#so they're essentially inserted between the denim backing and the front pant layer.#so I'm finished sewing the fur in place (that's the three circular x stitch patterns)#so now I'm working on the anchor stitches for the entire backing patch#because I've done smaller patches and the pants often rip out right next to the patch#so a larger patch that reinforces the fabric that's still incredibly worn but not quite ripped out helps prevent more ripping#my earlier patch jobs weren't very good but I'm getting better each time#and I have plenty of ripped jeans to practice on.#I'm just sad I can't wear them to work because they're visibly patched.#which.. that's the point for me but work dress code doesn't like that#if they were cutely embroidered I could definitely. but I'm going for the janky look so work won't approve
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I can see some of y'all are deep in the colonial romance fantasies re silna 😒😒😒
#terrorposting#the thing about goodsir/silna is that it's good because it didn't happen#she doesn't love him like that. he's the man who (symbolically) killed her father he's her jailer he's the information leech worming#it's way into her vocabulary#he loves her like that of course. how could he not with the tales of native romances he's been spoon-fed. and she knows that he doesn't see#her as a Whole Unique Person. she's the arctic to him. she's the unyielding ice and wind that cuts at your skin and the beast haunting them#they're not made for each other it's not 'anything could've happened' - it's good because it didn't#there was clearly a draw and a connection there - but this show is EXCELLENT at illustrating how fuzzy the borderline between chemistry and#what people are truly capable of at their worst#can be#it's 'for all the love that could have been if we were both different. if the world was different. if we weren't here (but if we weren't#here we never could be)'#it's you are clearly bad for me but I cannot tear myself away#it's you bring me comfort but I wish you weren't here (I wish we both weren't here)#it's we're going through this awful thing together. despite it all despite what either of us wants we're in this together#it's not some fuckign. uwu THIS white man will treat her good. how can you say that after a single second of considering the sexualization#of native women#they're fascinating because of the situation not because it's some 'better' romance#some of y'all suck the nuance right outta things like a juice box I swear to GOD
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Is diving hard to learn?
Well... .... ... hard to say?
There is a classroom portion to getting a license that is mainly safety procedures and protocol. There are a lot of things to pay attention to safety-wise, how to communicate with your partner, what to do in various emergencies. Some examples would be like-
What to do if someone has a medical emergency when diving (there is also a separate first aid diving course, this one is more passes out or get bitten by something or has a panic attack).
What to do if you need to throw up when diving (surge underwater can make even iron stomachs go soft if the seas are rough).
How fast can you surface or go down.
How soon after diving can you get on an airplane without dying.
What to do if your oxygen is shut off or runs out.
How to monitor your instruments (I have a smart computer built into my regulator hoses that also times my dives and measures how fast I'm surfacing, chirping loudly enough for me to hear underwater if I surface too quickly or when I need to take breaks and maintain my position).
How to track your dives in a dive log (my computer tracks mine for me and I can just copy it by hand, but you also need to know how to dive "analogue", don't rely on smart gear for everything- inevitably everything breaks, and if that happens during a dive you have to know how to monitor yourself.).
Stuff like that, all the auxiliary kind of stuff. That part is fairly simple, but it's what the tests focus on.
The part that killed (figuratively) the most people in my dive class was actually practical skills.
First, you have to pass a swimming test. And I don't mean just like, show you can swim. You have to tread water for 10 minutes, then swim 4 full laps (we had to alternate between front and back stroke, but not everyone makes you do that, as long as you can swim somehow).
Second, and honestly this eliminated more people than the swim test, is just BREATHING. It was like a 6 week class, we'd spend 4 hours in the classroom, then 4 at a high school swimming pool.
The first session with gear was literally just stand in 2 foot deep water, put the regulator (breathing piece) in your mouth, and sink until just your mouth is underwater, then inhale.
That eliminated over half our group and triggered 3 people to have full panic attacks. It never really stops being the hardest part of diving? Just getting past that mental block of "I'm underwater, I shouldn't breathe".
And I don't mean that it's HARD to go through every time. I mean diving is dead simple, once you make the safety and procedures second nature. But every time I have just the slightest wiggle of nerves the very very first breath.
#ask#my dive class was so intensive because we were getting dual licenses when it's usually 2 separate courses#we'd also go out to this place on the weekend that used to be a quarry#but they filled it in to make a lake#and then for divers they sunk stuff like cars and old planes and mannequins or different play equipment#so you can have some fun diving there and exploring around#there is a quarry about 4 hours away that pipes music in underwater too#so we did a lot of dives there to log dive hours#and of course the advance test was there too because no high school pool is getting anywhere near 100ft#the deepest this place had was 75 but that was good enough#the water was so cold that day they had to cut the dive short because even the 7mm suits weren't enough#and a few of us started showing early warning signs of hypothermia#which was worse by the time we got back up because you have to surface slowly
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I think some of you need to remember that vault songs like Nothing New/ATW 10 are the exception, not the rule
#they were cut because they were maybe too personal for her at the time#but more often than not vault tracks were left off the first time around because they weren't as good as the songs that made it onto the#album
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ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni
#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed#hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty#and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait#and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY#ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU.#IM REALLY FUCKING MAD#I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.#the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same#so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP#like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself#did u see me insulting u to ur face#nope i have not done even once#and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes#like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that#i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same#if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong.#but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me#and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid#some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes#and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once.#okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one#pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off#and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay#this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that#if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT.#if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul#have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!!#i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!!#i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related.#you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself
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I have a new weird interest in Netflix medical documentaries. Not sure what to do with that but okay, sure, why the hell not?
#'the surgeon's cut' significantly increased my fore tolerance i think#but also it was so good. very much about the emotional and compassionate side of medicine and what it means to the doctors themselves.#'diagnosis' is not as good but it is fascinating. it's about crowdsourcing ideas on problems no one has been able to diagnose.#and it's a brilliant ode to the power of the internet.3 episodes in and every single person has gotten answers that drastically improved#their lives. which is incredible. and the third person had something that seemed so obvious in hindsight but nobody thought of it before.#gulf war syndrome. caused by exposure to neurotoxins. it affects ONE THIRD of gulf war veterans but because this giy was going to non-VA#hospitals nobody there knew about it. because it never occurs in people who weren't in that specific region at that exact timw#which in the us means pretty much exclusively veterans who served in the gulf war when certain toxins were released into the air#hylian rambles#medical tw
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Now that my work schedule is drying up faster than a puddle in a desert, I have to say. Holiday retail is getting really weird now.
It might just be for the store I work for, because management is making some really weird decisions, but some part of it feels like the shoppers are just. Not doing things at the right time, too.
Like. My work has slashed hours to nothing, to the point that I wouldn't even say we have a skeleton crew 90% of the time. Unless we're a skeleton with a couple of missing limbs. But during holiday, we of course have seasonal workers. Possibly not as many as usual, but also enough to make things noticeably better for the months leading into the Big Sale time. And for the Big Sale time, we had all hands on deck on Friday and Sunday/Monday.
But, while we did have a lot of orders to deal with, the amount of people we had scheduled to work them were actually struggling to have a good consistent workload. There weren't enough orders to keep us all busy, and most of our work was from taking care of the orders made during the holiday when we were closed. But as far as dealing with what came in all day, it was just us juggling with taking whatever had come in during the past ten minutes. Orders started to build up a bit over the weekend, but nothing like what I've experienced in the past and came to expect. The 'peak' days were fine and manageable.
...The days after the Big Sale days were hell, though. Employees to process things slashed immediately back to one person per shift a day, two shifts total. The company advertised a pretty good coupon the day after the biggest online sale day of the year. One day use, so anyone interested would have to order that day. I wasn't originally scheduled for orders, we had freight coming in that I was scheduled to help with instead, but I wasn't at all surprised to get pulled off that to chip away at orders instead. We didn't get the numbers under control for a couple of weeks.
I blame most of the insane workload on our company. Us backroom people weren't given a single break, not one single day without a sale to let us catch up with the orders that the Sales left behind. And our hours for backroom were divvied out to other areas of the store. (Which, granted, the floor upkeep people are basically treated as so low of priority that most of the year we might have one person scheduled to keep up with the entire store. And during the holiday time, they might have been given a couple of extra people who were more expected to back up registers.)
However. The customers were also just making the most inane choices. There were so, so many orders coming in like crazy after the Big Sale days, up until a week before Christmas.
I get that the "Big Sales" are overhyped at this point and not always the real lowest price they ever get to. But I've been at this store long enough that the price they get to is pretty much the lowest things will be through the rest of the year. The sales can be lower, or the coupons higher, but they usually aren't as good or are only just as good as the Big Sale day price. During the year, the sales and coupons might match up to more savings, but during holiday season? Everything's getting roughly the same deals throughout the last month and a half. There's no real need to hold off during the days when stores are prepared for high workload. With all the cost cutting, the store only bolsters its workforce for those specific days. And immediately afterward, they leave all the workers to deal with the floods that came afterward, be it with pushing people to work harder, asking them to stay more hours, pulling people from other shifts, or ultimately calling in people who managed to get a day off.
When it's a one day 40% off one purchase, I get it. That's a company screwing us over problem, and they don't even tell us at the store level when they give those limited time deals. That's something we would prepare for, if the company gave a damn about us being prepared for it. But the one week 25% during subpar sales? I'm sorry, I will be calling everyone who ordered during that kind of sale stupid. There was no need to wait compared to the better sales and coupons earlier. There was no need to have the two people scheduled per day struggling to keep the order numbers under control. And the people ordering the week before Christmas to have things shipped to them? 1) I hope they weren't seriously ordering for Christmas, and were just ordering something for themselves because 2) I hope none of those packages got there in time. In previous years, the website used to have a countdown for when something ordered online would be guaranteed to arrive. They stopped doing that at some point, but the deadline used to be 14 or so days before Christmas. (And they may have stopped giving that countdown because they wanted people who don't plan things well to place more orders even if it might not arrive in time.) My patience is thin during holiday season, and I have no good vibes to send to people who didn't jump on the sales they should have and wait until functionally the last possible moment.
TLDR: Retail holiday season has gotten weird because the Sale days aren't a problem, but for various reasons, the time between those days up until Christmas were horrid.
#I went in most days this past month mentally wanting to punch anyone who talked to me#And also mentally cursing at least a third of the people placing orders#The former because I was always trying to focus on grabbing orders and trying to go from a to b as efficiently as possible#But because I work in an environment with customers that can see me when I'm on the floor; I got stopped. A lot#I try not to actually be rude if they stop me; but I do go out of my way to avoid eye contact; and discourage people from talking to me#It's. Very difficult to do that successfully when I work mornings and that's when our crew is the most skeleton#I was frequently the /only/ one out on the floor for people walking around to spot and flag down#The cursing orders was usually reserved for people who bought things that were just. Super annoying to pack.#I know it was Christmas season; but we don't have good boxes for wreaths. We have tiny to medium to giant boxes#And the giant boxes aren't /flat/; they're kinda proportionally large for big width/length#Most Christmas stuff is annoying to pack tbh; but wreaths were the worst#And there were so many orders for them. I don't remember them in years past; and I've worked at this place for a solid 6/7 years#My old grudge was against a certain snowglobe; and frankly they weren't even /bad/. Also literal cardboard village things#But speaking of the past; the whole 'less than a skeleton crew' is the actual problem I have with all of this#/Because/ I've worked here a while; I remember the workload of the past#We used to have more people. For /every/ position. We used to have enough people to unload and /put out/ freight in 2-3 days#We backroom people used to have /overnight/ shifts during the peak sale time. No customers or distractions#Now we're doing good to just unload a truck the day it comes in. We're /lucky/ if it gets worked out within a week#One person when there used to be two#Three people when there used to be /eight/#Four people /total/ for the first three hours we're open. And then /maybe/ three people come in#Some areas that used to /always/ have a person scheduled are cut to nothing most of the year. Literally. They force supervisors to cover it#(Which includes my main position. Dedicated backroom worker? Nah; let the leadership team do that+five other jobs we cut down)#I like being able able to mentally recover after holiday by barely working anymore; but I can still recognize that's it's super shitty#Just because it's better for me (compared to my hours not really lowering much and I felt like I never got a break) doesn't mean it's good
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。゚•┈꒰ა ♡ i like my men older - simon riley♡ ໒꒱┈• 。゚
you knew that your friends from school raised an eyebrow when you told them that you were dating a man almost double your age. you were in your twenties, while this 'simon' guy was close to fifty. you told them that he was an army man who had a gooey center for you.
your friends could see the upgrade in your laptop and the new knapsack with a logo that proclaimed it was expensive. the small chain around your neck with a 's' on it that you toyed with when they asked questions about him.
you looked happy, healthier even! you weren't eating minute meals and surviving off of black coffee. there was a little roundness to your cheeks now and you looked more alive. a glow to you that wasn't that while you trudged through your graduate program. so honestly, how could they complain?
if you had a glow to you, it was because you were often fucked out. most women your age through that dating an older man would mean having to go slow. be patient about technical difficulties regarding their cocks. that was what you expected from a man that old. especially one with aches and pains like simon. your poor si, he had been in the military his entire life. barely had the touch of a woman during that time! poor guy! of course you'll teach him all the ways a woman should please a man. the first time you ran your tongue on the underside of his cock he cam all over your head, and while you whined. it made you crazy hot. fucking simon was like fucking a live wire. he hadn't slowed down with age. he fucked like a stallion in breeding season. and he loved when he pulled his heavy cock into you. you once told him that he could be a cervix breaker. and he simply said, "well, if i break it... i can't breed it." which made you go slack jaw for a moment before he continued to rut up against you. you didn't expect a man of his age to have a breeding kink.
you practically begged your doctor to give you birth control, because he was not buying condoms. "don't fit in 'em, lovie." he said as he patted his clothed cock when you started dating. you knew that was impossible, condoms could fit a lot of things and while simon was fairly big. he could fit in a condom. but, no. when you tried to put them on yourself, he simply took it off, tossed it to the side and pinned you under his heavy weight. legs in the air as he rutted against you like a hungry animal.
he was so much bigger than you. wide shoulders, strong thighs and a bit of a gut to keep you folded under him. there was a masculine heft to him. he was strong, picking you up was easy to him even when you tried to tell him your weight. one time he gripped you by the waist with one arm and moved you out of the way. you kicked and squeaked as you were moved. but to simon it was easy as lifting heavy equipment. but that softness to some of his muscles really got you hot all over. it didn't help that part of your role as his girlfriend was to make sure that your man was fed. you cooked him meals and he over devoured in your sweet dessert. he loved you in an apron. all domestic and sweet for him. you were real wifey material. could easily be cooking meals for him and the kids in a few years. you can have a graduate degree and a few riley babies. "look good cookin' for me, darlin'. know how to make a proper meal for your man." you wouldn't admit but his words excited you.
simon can be a little... chauvinistic. it was just his age. while he respected female colleagues in the military and was beyond happy that you were getting your degree. he'd do things for you that you could clearly do on your own. like when you tried to fix the leaky tap in your flat. or when you try to carry all the groceries inside. yes, darling, you're a strong woman. but let him take over. take care of you. that was what a man did right? he'll cut the onions for you and try to fix your buggy wi-fi connection. he's pay for dinner every time and even get you dessert after. he'd wipe your face clear of the sweet treat you'd have. "don't ask her anything too difficult, johnny. she doesn't need to be thinkin' too hard." he once said with his hands over your ears and glared at his teammate. which only made the scotsman laugh. simon didn't mind if he had to take over. he'd never pull the rug out from under you, even when you were under him. you looked prettier under him, letting him take charge of your fucking. he took care of his girl, even when you whined and told him you were capable. there was no need to whine. simon needed to take care of his much smaller, much weaker baby girl. no need to break a nail trying to do stuff that simon could easily do for you.
even with the grey in his blond hair, he still kept up to you. there were times that you were too exhausted from day-to-day that you let simon rut between your thighs until he covered your round ass with his hot cum. you'd whimper which would turn into a yelp when he easily slipped his heavy cock into your sweet pussy. where it belonged. he fucked you heavily as his cum coated your behind, even trailing down your sloped back as you had your head in the covers.
"don't spill a drop off that pretty ass, baby girl. or else i'd might have to mark you again." thank god you liked your men older. <3
#bunny writes#bunny drabbles#simon ghost riley fanfiction#simon ghost#simon ghost riley#simon#simon riley smut#ghost smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley smut#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty smut#call of duty x reader#older!simon#reader insert#call of duty#cod smut#cod x reader#ghost call of duty#ghost cod#simon ghost x you#ghost x reader#ghost x you#simon riley x reader#simon riley imagine#simon ghost riley x you
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Disclaimer: I like Anita Sarkeesian.
But also, I just saw a writeup of a Youtuber whose content has come a long way from his Gamergate days, and to explain that, the wiki says, "Anita Sarkeesian is a radical feminist who created a webseries about sexist tropes in video games"
AHAHAHAHAHA ANITA SARKEESIAN, RADICAL FEMINIST
HOO HEE EXCUSE ME THAT'S A GOOD ONE
Radical feminist. Feminist extremist. Anita Sarkeesian.
Anita Sarkeesian did her Master's Thesis in Social and Political Thought in 2010 on the trope of the "Strong Woman" in fantasy and science fiction TV shows, and produced Tropes vs Women, a series of online videos breaking down her work in a way that was accessible to a lay audience. She found a ready audience in geek feminist circles, since this was exactly the kind of thing we wanted and needed right then.
Tropes vs Women was extremely bog-standard cultural critique, what you'd find expressed in discussion between scholars of literary theory or media analysis anywhere, and exactly what 99% of feminists were saying at the time. It certainly talked about patriarchy as the complex system of sexism fused into our cultural matrix, so it's not like it wasn't radical feminism from that viewpoint, but it wasn't "radical" by way of being especially militant. Sarkeesian frequently pointed out how individual occurrences of a trope weren't harmful in themselves, but that a media landscape completely saturated with only that trope and nothing but that trope is, in the aggregate, a big feminist issue.
And the internet
HAAAAAAAATED
her for it.
Like, geek feminists got flak a lot anyway, especially when we wanted things like properly enforced policies against sexual harassment at science fiction conventions. And yeah, there totally were toxic keyboard warriors who said stuff about all men being scum - but Sarkeesian wasn't one of them.
It's probably because of her succinct, matter-of-fact, "this is not a debated issue, feminists have decades of theory and research to back this point up, sources abound if you google for thirty seconds so I won't stop to baby you through all the fundamental concepts" approach that she got such a big reach. She was calm, concise, coherent, and rational, everything feminists are told we need to be.
Unfortunately that just made her seem... attackable, I think. A good target, not actually scary or impassioned, unlikely to respond to violence with violence. The perfect kind of person to play five seconds of, and then spend the next five minutes yelling into your mic because IF ANITA IS RIGHT ABOUT VIDEO GAME SEXIST YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY THAT EVERYTHING IS SEXIST AND SEXISM IS SYSTEMIC AND ENDEMIC TO ALL OF WESTERN CULTURE AND OTHER CULTURES TOO, WHICH IS CLEARLY RIDICULOUS, ANITA LADY BAD.
She literally spent five solid years as Enemy #1 in online geek spaces. It was completely insane. I am so sorry she had to take the brunt of it, and yet grateful that she did. She held the line and took the shit and kept doing good decent feminist work for years after, though she did admit to burnout and closed up shop on her nonprofit org Feminist Frequency in 2023. I hope to hell she's having a good day.
But even now, more than a decade later, dudes talk about her as though she were Geek Feminist Godzilla, the biggest baddest woman in the universe, off to lay waste to downtown Video Games and cut everybody's balls off.
When people (mostly dudes, but not all) talk like this, it's just very funny and unintentionally revealing because of the absolute averageness of her third-wave, trans-inclusive, western-centric, intersectional feminism. It makes them look absolutely pathetic.
Because it just makes it clear that she is probably the first and last self-described feminist the speaker has ever paid attention to.
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Nightwing gets a sidekick introducing: "Batboy"
Continuation of this post: "Danny has Bat wings"
|Next|
Dick tries to tell himself that he's better then Bruce. He's not going around taking young orphaned boys with unique abilities willy-nilly. No, he very careful. Besides this is first- well second sidekick.
He's doing a public service anyways. You can't have a kid with giant bat wings just falling from buildings. If Nightwing hadn't stepped in to stop those goons trying to catch the kid and sell him then who knows what would have happened. What if they tried to cut off his wings and turn the boy into a bloody trophy for the Bats?
There are many villains in Bludhaven who'd take the boy out or take him in. Dick already had a sinking feeling that Heartless would try his hand at killing the kid after all he targets the weak and helpless like a coward.
It was easy enough to convince the boy to be his friend. Dick did have natural charm and charisma after all. All it took was a meal from batburger and a fruit cup to get the kid to open up.
Danny (apparently his family gave him a normal name) didn't live with his family anymore due to ideological differences. That difference was that they thought he shouldn't exist anymore and wanted to turn him into an experiment. Poor kid didn't even get to finish his freshman year of school before he had to leave. He was a small town vigilante for a few months before the incident.
Dick saw an opportunity but was subtle about it. He invited the kid to live with him until he got his education. Its also totally ethical because the kid was a vigilante already.
Everything kind of went by quickly. Dick had done everything possible to hide Danny until he could come up with a plan of how to tell everyone.
True Dick didn't "need" a sidekick but come on, look at him! He's a boy with bat wings! Dick could put a little cowl on him and dress him up like Batman. I mean he's not a dog but it would be funny. The irony there, the bird-themed hero now had a bat-themed sidekick. That is the universe's way of sending a message.
After training Danny Dick learned that the kid had an endless supply of energy and ADHD that rivaled his own at that age. The kid also couldn't fly, it was actually closer to gliding which was still useful but he kind of looked like a flying squirrel when he jumped off ledges.
The term issue with taking Danny in was that Dick was still a Wayne and while he could hide the kid while he was swinging through Bludhaven, Dick Grayson could not.
Danny could hide his wings like they weren't even there whenever he wanted to look human. Which was a start, next he needed a new identity. One that wouldn't tip anyone off.
Dick needed to pull some strings without alerting Barbara or Tim. A new name was forged: "Daniel Nightingale" (Dick patted himself on the back for that one).
With that Dick was ready to let Danny out in the field. For the most part, Danny was as reliable as any Robin if not a bit crazy. Danny was way too charming for his own good but also completely feral. The public adored the domino-masked kid in his green and black costume. Danny didn't wear a cape because of his wings so he used them as a cloak.
When citizens saw them in public they'd offer the kid fruit cups and candies just to get close enough to see his wings. The people of Bludhaven were also excited to have their own version of Robin since Gotham had so many. Also, the kid was so marketable. Look at the way his wings flapped when he was excited.
Danny's or more specifically "Batboy's" presence would not go unnoticed.
Well, this can't end well.
Welp. Dick should have expected this. He couldn't even be upset. He doesn't regret anything that he's done.
Danny was still in bed, actually it was a hammock which was more comfortable for a bat. Dick wondered if he could sleep upside down. The kid was comfortable here and probably better off here than in Gotham. Once the adoption goes public however things will get complicated. Danny may end up Bludhaven's sweetheart or outcast. He'll probably end up fine...probably.
#dc x dp prompt#dpxdc#dp x dc prompt#dc x dp#danny fenton#dick grayson#nightwing#danny phantom#barbara gordon#damian wayne#batman
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Socialite!BatSis!Reader x Yandere!Bat Family
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
A/N: Hi! I don't know where the fuck this came from. But, it has plagued me for months. Inspired by Labour and the Fruits by Paris Palmoa, Please Don't Cry for Your Daughters Eve by Lydia the Bard, and Curses by the Crane Wives. This my attempt at being dark, so either this fucks you up or I fucked up. Apologies for both.
Warnings: Fem!Reader, Implied assault, neglect, yandere themes at the end
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
You got the Wayne looks, the Wayne charm, the Wayne name, but you’re fragile. Bruce would tell you. Damian would tell you. (Not so kindly.) Everyone in the manor would tell you.
But, charm and good looks still have their uses. And, everyone in the family despises all the galas they need to attend.
So, when Bruce offers to take you to one, you up the charm, you dress your best. You use your finest manners and all the proper ways your Momma raised you to your advantage. And, you flourish.
You can tell from the slight smile Bruce has on his face on the way home. The hint of pride in his eyes at your job well done.
You can’t help your family or Gotham as a Bat. But, you can help them as a Wayne.
The socialite. That’s your roll. Not a bird, not a bat. A little social butterfly. Drawing the public attention away from the things that go bump in the night.
You like your role. Sure, you're not bounding over the Gotham skyline saving people from muggers and insanely themed villains. But, you're helping your family, and that's what matters to you.
At least, that's how it starts.
It was special to you in the beginning. Going to charity gala's and events with your father, Bruce. No one else in the family enjoys going to these events. It was your own personal father and daughter bonding time, in a way.
But, as you got older the pressure started and the distance between you and the others grew.
You were a music box ballerina. Spinning in place to the same tune over and over again while sitting on a dusty shelf. And, Bruce would wind you up to dance every time he need his social butterfly to charm Gotham's public.
Soon you had a whole team of faceless people picking out your dresses, changing your style, cutting your hair. You couldn't be anything less than a vain air-headed heiress, because that was your role. Brucie needed someone to follow in his footsteps, not Batman.
The dresses got more expensive, the flashes got brighter. The diets got stricter.
And, the distance grew farther.
And, then Bruce stopped going with you to the galas.
You weren't upset the first time. Or, the second time. Or, even the third time.
It was the fourth time that things started to crack.
Sure, Batman was needed. Sure, there was Justice League business. Sure, there was a patrol that ran late. Sure, there was a breakout at Arkham.
But, the fourth time, when you found him and the rest of the family laughing in the cave, it really didn't feel like they were focusing on the good of Gotham while you were struggling to smile sweetly at men twice Bruce's age wanting to take you home.
Still, you powered on. Kept doing your part. You were making the family proud afterall.
Right?
It was the ninth time it happened that you broke.
The nineth time you had gone to a gala alone in an expensive dress you didn't pick, one that showed off way too much skin. One that seemed to tell everyone in that grand ballroom that you were up for the taking. One that just barely hid the bruises from their fingers and palms under the fabric.
You wore that placating smile and that dress all the way home. With a driver you didn't know at the wheel of the car Bruce sent for you. The backseat empty even if you sat on it.
When you got home, you walk in on something that made each cracked piece of you ache.
Apparently it was game night. Everyone that mattered was playing Mario cart of all things.
"Look at that Cinderella’s back from the ball." Jason was the first to notice you standing in the doorway of the room. And, his words burned.
Cinderella. Cinderella. Back from the Ball.
"Hey, glad you’re back. Hope you had fun." Dick didn't even glance at you as he spoke, took focused on beating Stephanie who had her tongue sticking out as she concentrated.
"God, those galas are so boring, I don’t know how you do it." Duke says in passing. It would be meaningful if he hadn't said the same thing the last six times you had come home.
Tim and Damian were also playing the game, with Tim occasionally nudging Damian to mess him up. Like typical siblings.
Barbara was in the room as well, a book on her lab to read. Only you could tell she hadn't read much, judging from where her book mark was located.
"Good job." Bruce says absentmindedly. You can't even tell if its directed at you or at the blueshell Damian just managed to hit Dick's racer with.
Words don't even leave your lips as you exit the doorway, pieces of you falling to the floor as you wobble to your room.
Cinderella. Cinderella.
The clock striking twelve in your mind as you feel the rotten pumpkin sinking in your gut and the magic wearing off.
You don't notice that Cassandra seems to hear it too as she watches you. Like she can hear the shards falling to the ground. And, she's unsure if she needs to warn the family that something just broke down the hall.
As you enter your room, taking in the fancy decor. It feels disgusting. The magic is gone. It's all rotten and you want it gone.
Cinderella. Cinder. Cinder.
Your tear the fabric of the dress as you take it off. Tears falling down your cheeks s you struggle against the fabric and clasp. Expensive gemstones falling to the floor as your finally rip it free.
There bruises under your dress. Finger prints on your bones. And, you're choking on air as the fabric rubs your skin as it falls to the floor. The fabric ripples like water and you hate it. You want the opposite of cool rippling water. Water drowns, and you need air.
Your skin feels to hot and each bruise burns.
Cinder. Cinder.
You're Cinderella and you crave ashes. You need air, but smoke will do instead.
Instead of letting it lay on the ground like it's dead, you throw open that grand window in your room and chuck it out the window. Watching as it flutters and falls to the grass in a heap, the breeze doing nothing to cool your anger on and underneath.
It’s not enough. Not enough. It's not going to be enough.
More. Cinderella. Give it more.
Your closet door was cracked when you left for the gala tonight. Now you break it the rest of the way and grab each hanger carrying a pretty dress in a bag and throw it over the ledge.
Still not enough. Needs more ash.
Cinderella. Cinderella.
You break you dresser as you rip out the drawers. The wood splintering as you throw it out the window and on to the pile of dresses on the night dew covered grass.
You want to throw more, but you chest is heaving and your hands are shaking. Instead you stumble out of your room with just the bruises on your skin and towards the kitchen. You don't even hear the pans and cabinets doors slamming as you search for the matches.
Before you can find your light, you find a bottle of fancy wine. One that reminded you of the smell of this night.
You grab it, not caring that another bottle falls and shatters by your feet. Drawing attention, but not yours, as you finally find the matches and wobble out the door towards your pile of soon to be ash.
Cinderella. Cinderella.
You're laughing as you shatter the bottle on to the fabric. Lighting up a single match and then throwing the entire box at it the pile.
It catches light quick and the air around you finally matches the heat under your skin.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You can barely hear Bruce's voice from behind you as your laugh. Turing to face him and the rest of the family's horrified faces at the sight of you.
You can barely restrain the giggles.
“I’m Cinderella. Cinder fucking Ella.” You spin like the little figurine you are. Like the pretty paper ballerina before she burst into flame.
Bruce rushes towards you, words spilling from his lips as terrifying thoughts fill his head at the sight of the bruises illuminating your skin.
“What happened tonight?”
“You would know if you had been there. But, you weren't. You never are.”
“Listen, you said you liked the galas-“ Excuses, excuses. You made enough for him and the rest of them in your own head that you don't want to hear more spoken out loud.
“I did! I did! But, that was when I had my father there to keep me safe.” You mock, spinning out of reach and looking at the flames.
They don't last long. The wood from your broken dresser drawers the only thing keeping the fire going. The expensive fabric not lasting long at all. Pretty things rarely ever do.
“But, no. I’m just another little one of your pawns in this family. Only you didn’t fuckin’ train me on how to fight off wandering hands. You taught me that I just had to grin and bare it.” Bitterness trips from your lips as you wipe of that sweet tasting wine from the night off your mouth.
“What happened?” His voice almost shakes. Almost, but not quite. You were the fragile one. The paper ballerina. The little Cinderella of the family.
You weren't suppose to break under his care.
But, was there any care if he let you fall from the shelf after he so haphazardiously placed you on it between uses?
“I’m not a whore.” You whisper to yourself. Words that had been dying to say to the hands that touches to tonight. Words that you wanted to shove down the throats of the strangers that pinched your skin, that gripped you too tight and too close.
“I’M NOT A WHORE!” Instead you scream it at him. Uncaring if you don't look pretty and perfect while doing it. Uncaring if your voice cracks from the way the emotion bubbles from your chest.
Startling enough, Bruce wraps his arms around you. Like he was trying to shield you. Like he was trying to keep you safe. Like he should have done. It feels awkward and tight. Your arms pressed tightly to your chest at an awkward angle. Your legs giving out at you sob and scream at him.
“Don’t touch me. Don’t you touch me. Let me go— I don’t want you to touch me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m— I’m so sorry.” His whispers over into your hair as he clutches you close. So close that you feel more bruises forming on your skin.
Cinderella. Cinderella.
“I’m not—" Your voice breaking as you wail. Like the child you are in his arms.
Through your tears you watch Dick turn away, followed by the others. Cass lingering to brush your hair back as Bruce holds you tight.
You don't see his fist clench so tight his knuckles turn white.
You don't hear the silence in the cave as Jason changes out the bullets in his gun.
You don't feel the chill in the air as Damian scouts out the fancy house.
You don't feel the fear of God that Tim puts into grown men as that watch their wealthy drain to zero before their eyes on screens.
You don't watch as Barbara makes a few calls and plants evidence of crimes that can't be covered up.
You don't see Stephanie ripping out teeth.
You don't see Duke letting Gotham go dark as terror reigns for that one long night and day.
You just see Bruce, holding you close and apologize over and over again while Alfred puts out the flames behind you.
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
A/N: Yeah, I love the thought of Reader being the one to be the Socialite Wayne while everyone does vigilante stuff. But, interacting with Gotham’s elite would suck so much and so many things could go wrong.
A/N: Apologies if I missed the mark with it or if it’s all over the place.
A/N: I just really loved the imagery of standing in front of a fire of expensive burning dresses while screaming at Bruce naked as the day you were born much to the rest of the family’s horror.
#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#batfam x reader#batfamily x reader#yandere dc#yandere batfam x reader#yandere batfamily x reader#platonic yandere batfam#platonic batfamily#socialite!reader
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ch.1: again &. again (platonic! yandere batfam x neglected! gn reader)
directory: preq, chapter one, chapter two, chapter three, chapter four, chapter five pt 1
read until the end for an author's note.
if there was one thing you hated more than the crime-filled streets of gotham, it would be empty promises.
when was the last time they attended your birthday? or your school ceremonies? or any special event that meant for you to be the center of attention?
plot twist, there was no last time, or a time before that or any day that they were there for you.
not your eldest brother, dick, not your dead brother, jason, of course tim wouldn't be there for you, damian's absence is a given, not even your sisters would come, and most especially not your father, bruce wayne.
you never wrote wayne as your last name. in every test, it would always be your mother's last name. in every document that you had to fill, you would violently scratch in the name of your father, wishing it wasn't required at all so you wouldn't have to hang your head in shame everytime someone looks at you incredulously for having the bruce wayne as your father but never once appearing to be with you.
you can't recall a time you had called him your dad, or even considered him as one.
if you could count the times you have seen him in person, it wouldn't even fill ten fingers. even interviewers and paparazzi have more luck in coming across him than you would, his child.
it sucks, really, how despite having nearly sharing the same age as tim, you never once saw him outside of his room. you thought you would've been the closest to him, but the most you have seen him was when you were watching the news with the "new" robin popping up, or worse; when bruce would be seen guiding tim through the paparazzi and not you. alfred had to drag you away from the tv that day because you were already suffering through a panic attack just seeing those two act so close; ripping your hair out just from watching the news wasn't a good way to cope.
you remember being so jealous of him, of how bruce would always spend time with him and not you. it made you wonder, were you special enough? tim is so brilliant, you could admit. and you were, too, having enough comprehensibility as a child to find out they were vigilantes a year or two after living in the manor— but you weren't good enough like tim. you weren't cut out to be like a detective or a fighter.
it was no wonder why bruce chose them over you.
it came to you in the form of talking to tim that had you discovering that no one ever mentions your name inside the house, proving it to be true when tim had hesitated calling your name and even stuttered through pronouncing it. and then he left after finding you were of no use to help him. alfred had to stifle your sobbing after tim left the room, allowing you to cry on his chest whilst you sat beside him.
(name) wayne was so, so lonely.
you would've accepted their absence long ago, but you were a stupid child who needed care and reassurance because your mother left you for good at the age of five. you were too naive into thinking you would receive the same love from your family just like the other kids in elementary would. you were a child who expected too highly of your father, thinking that he would pick you up from school with that picture perfect photographed smile of his and kiss your forehead and tell you that you did a great job at school today.
it was your teachers who would be the one having to walk you up the stage whenever you achieved an award. alfred would be too busy sometimes to attend your school ceremonies because he had to assist bruce with missions. of course, you understood his priorities. after all, he tried his hardest to make you feel less lonely inside the mansion, it wasn't enough but he was there at least.
it was long ago that you stopped praying for your family to attend at least one of your birthdays.
it's ironic, really, for a child to prep and plan for their own celebration just to hope that a single member of their family to even walk by the kitchen and join them in on their already lonesome celebration.
too bad everybody only goes to the kitchen when alfred cooks for them. who would want to taste sadness in a sloppily made birthday cake, right? nobody, not even you would have the appetite to eat your cake with the knowledge that it was you who had to put all the effort to bake it because you didn't want alfred to feel obligated to. knowing nobody would celebrate birthdays with you, save for alfred, it was expected that you started to prefer cupcakes.
because then you wouldn't be scolded for making such a mess.
you never cooked family meals after the incident where nobody came and to not waste food, you had to bring in large containers to bring to school so you could celebrate your birthday there.
it was there that you find more solace in your small group of friends compared to the desolate rooms of the mansion. your family celebrates holidays together as a whole, but you never once attended after that one time where everybody had forgotten to get you a gift for christmas, save for alfred who gave you a bracelet (one that you cherished deeply). you only smiled weakly and hopelessly, sneaking into your room before the family dinner.
it was alfred again who bought you leftovers and sat on your bed for an hour to encourage you that there's still more christmas's to go.
you never believed what he said. not anymore.
there was a period of time where you hated them more than anything, blamed them for everything and became more rebellious, purposely failing tests, fighting your classmates and disrespecting teachers in hopes that for once your father would bat an eye on you. that only resulted in you being taken out of the school and being transferred into another, for a behavioral reform is what alfred stated to you when you annoyed him for answers.
damian started to bully you a bit more harder after that incident, calling you immature and childish, a weakling, an attention seeker. how someone at your age should've known better. you were convinced that he was relishing in the heartbroken glare you gave him, ignoring the way his eyes widened momentarily at your reaction before sneering and walking away.
alfred gently scolded you, but you were too choked up and instead you almost tripped running inside your bedroom, locking yourself in for what seems like hours.
you don't want to remember the immense breakdown you had that evening too, screaming on your blankets and destroying your things and hurting yourself because... because you had lost your old friends for nothing! your caring teachers, your academic progress, everything! every single thing for an ounce of attention! because he didn't have enough energy to come with you to the guidance counselor and he only had you transfer out so you wouldn't ruin the wayne's reputation!
you hate him, you hate bruce fucking wayne so much and you hate clinging onto their empty promises and sorry's to make it up for you. you hate how their promises were never even said directly to you, you hate how alfred was your only source of hope for a medium of communication.
you hate them all.
and worst of all, you hate yourself for drowning in hope. for wishing you were physically stronger so you could at least bond with them through training. for dreaming about a day where they could surprise you and told you they were just testing you and that you actually had worth inside this manor. for praying nightly that they'll smile at you like the heroes you see in tv rather than that of pity.
you wished there was a universe where gotham was safer, more protected with no criminals littering the streets. maybe then they would have more time to notice you crying every night, writing self destructive entries in your diary, sketching what would've been a happy family. they wouldn't have to wear their silly costumes to fight crime and instead would save you from your own demons.
if...
if you were brutally tortured and killed by the joker, or forced to choke on the fear toxin by the scarecrow— hell, even beaten to near death by some random goons; would they have given you a sliver of their love? would they finally look at you and save you from yourself?
because despite your resentment, you would never lie and say you didn't feel blessed that you were thrown to a family of talented individuals.
your drawings of a complete and happy family holding hands together and a diary filled with rants and fantasies of spending time with them proved just that.
you were blessed with them yet cursed at the same time to never reach the same level to be even considered part of their lives.
you were hopeless. you never amounted to anything. you were just, you.
thirteen years have passed by then, and in those years you were proud to say your development as a person, albeit slow, transformed you from a child that succumbed to neglect to an independent person who managed to maintain a comfortable circle of friends, a scholarship for a college far away from gotham, and an apartment of your own (you were a bit in debt due to having to pay for your own because no way in hell would you ask for your father for financial support).
allowance was scarce, your food supplies weren't infinite compared to back when you were living at the wayne manor, and you weren't greeted to michelin star restaurant meals cooked by alfred— but you were content, and that was enough.
though content translated to nightly breakdowns whilst finishing projects or writing essays, the point still stands! at least you had celebrated your eighteenth birthday with drunk smiles and your friends spoiling you to death when you had opened up about your first lonely years of life. everything was going well for you, truly.
you were so, so happy for the nice turn of events. and you wouldn't have made it so far if you hadn't slapped yourself out of the delusion that they actually cared for you.
look at you now! independent and with a life of your own! you'd give yourself a pat in the back.
you hadn't blocked them at all, but their contacts were empty (save for a few desperate messages that date back years ago) and you were fine with that. it's not like tim or bruce or barbara considered you important enough to be stalked. hah, as if!
alfred communicates with you time to time, reminding you to eat a complete meal rather than those one dollar priced noodles that tasted like pure salt. he told you he misses you a lot, you and your annoying, daily rants about life and school. he misses your awkward smile and when you would help him cook whenever the others aren't around. he misses it when you imitate his posh accent when you taste test his food and give commentary about it.
you miss him, too. growing up, you realized just how much effort alfred would exert just to spend a lot of his time on you.
now, he told you that you are still welcome to the manor whenever, and how he cleans your room weekly in case you'll visit him.
whenever you audio call with him, you'd tear up just a bit at the realization that alfred was more of a father figure than your own biological father. because he at least attended your graduation to make up for the other times he was unable to join you.
what's even better was that he gifted you something you had always wanted for your birthday. despite it being delivered to your door rather than him giving it to you face to face (since you had refused to give him your location and him respecting that decision at least), the heartfelt letter he left you was more than enough to let you cling onto pieces of your past. after all, it was him who greeted you by the door when you were first introduced into the family, bruce being too busy with paperwork that day when you were a measly five year old.
you had started to teasingly call him 'alfie' and a few more nickname after that, which results with a chuckle over the phone every time you had come up with a cheesy name for him whenever you get a wee bit irritated at his own way of making fun of you.
if only this was your life years ago, then maybe you wouldn't have been jealous of all your other friends and pushed them away that day, maybe you would learn that sometimes, family comes in the form of the people outside of your house rather than inside.
that reminds you, maybe you should reconnect with your old friends back in elementary and apologized for your sudden explosive behavior.
you were laying on your bed, phone in hand and opened your inst*gram app to stalk through the names you could remember. well... that was what you should've done, if not for the fact that a notification popped up the very moment you pressed on the search bar and you had accidentally opened a chat with your oldest brother, dick.
you would've ignored the desperate messages you have sent him from the past which all varied from inviting him to eat dinner with you or to at least join you to play in an arcade or anything to convince him to talk to you, all of which were unseen, if not for the fact that it was him who sent you a sudden "hey baby bird!!! <333 long time no see! how are you?!" message, alongside a few more replies that spammed through your phone...
oh!
... that was enough to make you sit up and want to hurl.
dick grayson was a man of many talents. the mature eldest child, the ideal good leader despite his anger issues from time to time, and the same guy who set the standards high for the future robins. he is bruce's greatest achievement.
it was safe to say that if not for the support of many, then he would've suffered so many falls and would've never been strong enough to stand up despite the pain and continue his fights. nightwing was what many superheroes strive to be, an image of light in a grove of darkness such as gotham.
so why was it that he felt like he has failed so deeply right now?
inside your room, dick stands with furrowed brows. it felt too clean to look used. your furniture was polished and look untouched, the lights were too bright and the windows were bolted shut. there were no signs of life other than the notebooks and sketchbooks that were neatly tucked on the middle of the bed and the trinkets that scatter through your desk.
dick stalks through the room, careful to not make a noise as he walks over to the closet, opening it and finding nothing.
he bites his lips at the implication that this was probably the second time he visited your room and how it was also the longest time he remained here. compared to his other siblings, you were the one he noticed the least and... now he feels bad for dismissing you.
didn't he promise to take you out for dinner months ago?
damn it, he was way too focused on his mission that night and ended up ditching and forgetting you! oh god, dick facepalmed and clenched his teeth, seething in some air because no fucking way did he actually remember to feed damian's dog, titus, the same day but forgot to take you out for an important event...
it occurred to him that that was the same day you scored a perfect on "the hardest test of my life!" you had bragged to him awkwardly when he wasn't listening nor looking and you, wanting to celebrate what was a small achievement for dick, chose him to spend time with you!
dick had to carefully breath through his mouth then gulp down the shame he feels right now. he- he has no time to focus on the past but rather the present. he has to find out why the hell is your room so lifeless, yeah... then he'll make it up to you today, definitely.
huh?
is it just him, but why does the room seem so small? it looked like it was meant to be for a kid. clearly, there wasn't enough space for a growing individual like you... did bruce not provide you with a bigger bedroom? ah, dick would definitely tell bruce to relocate you to a bigger room, the current one is too small for even a dog in a manor to sleep in.
dick doesn't want to admit it at all, but... he hasn't seen you for the past few months, or not all, really. sure, he had only recently visited the manor since he's bludhaven's vigilante now, but even through his time in gotham he had never seen you other than the times you pulled his sleeves from back when you were a child.
back when you were a child.
how old are you now? you were so small back then, innocent too. he can recall your curious eyes, your chubby cheeks and the way you stutter through your words as you try to talk to him.
you were significantly younger than jason, and was adopted a week before tim was introduced to the family. he remembers you peeking through alfred's back, gleaming with curiousity and whispering to the butler if it was really the dick grayson. he smiled fondly at your dumbfounded expression, the way your mouth shaped into an "ohh," when he was the one who answered that, yes, it was him. then you whispered again if you can take have an autograph from him, to which he chuckled and told alfred that he'll help accompany you to your room.
when your five year old body tried to waddle closer to his body for an ounce of warmth when he had been guiding you up the stairs, that was also the first time he called you baby bird, with the way you coddled him so closely. his hands find itself patting your head, ruffling your hair and grinning as you both make your path through the halls.
he comes to immediately regret leaving you alone after he had introduced you to your room, remembering his duties as a vigilante than that of a brother.
but despite his early memories of you, he wants to see his baby sibling all grown up now.
had it really been years?
when was the last time you ever had a full-on conversation with him?
was there even a time that he had approached you by himself?
he had always called you baby bird after the first time you meet because of the age gap you two shared. the rare times he acknowledges you, you gave him that look filled with such adoration, like you were proud of him for being your older brother. why did he not notice you?
oh, his baby bird...
dick gulped, trying to ease his shivering by sitting on your neatly folded blankets and taking a worn diary in his hand, one at the bottom stack of books. well, if it was a personal diary then maybe you would've hidden it better, right? he figures since it was all placed on the center of the bed like a piece of treasure that... it would be alright to take just a glimpse.
to confirm if you still see him as your favorite brother.
dick's heartbeat spiked, hoping your entries would be filled with, he doesn't know, anything that didn't implicate some sort of hatred for the family, for him. hoping that despite his lack of attention towards you, that there would still be a spark of love for him. if what he thinks was actually true then... he doesn't know what to do with himself.
he flips through the first page, noting how it was bulkier than the others. the paper was filled with glittery decorations, sequence beads and cheap stickers sparkling at every angle the light hits. it was meant to be a design for the 'front cover' of the notebook, colors blended in a cacophony of rainbows and butterflies and flowers beyond the messy calligraphy that merely states "(name)'s diary!"
dick stifles a grin just from skimming through at the amount of mistakes and erasures, clearly written by the the younger version of you; naive to the world and its cruelty. he commends your creativity, his eyes softening at the few doodles that were written on the corners of the pages.
you're just too adorable for your own good, so much so that the thumping in dick's heart beats louder and louder, ears wringing uncomfortable inside your unventilated bedroom. but he just couldn't rip his eyes away from the diary, daydreaming about how proud you must've been when designing your own diary. he could picture your wide eyes, shy and harmless, and your feet kicking back and forth whilst you decorate your stuff.
everything was what he expected it to be on the first few pages of the diary. all your little rants about your daily life, your eargerness to meet your entire family from your father's side, and the hurt you experienced from your mother's sudden abandonment.
he would've skipped through another diary, one that lacked design and color, save for the name plastered on the front, if not for the grim undertones at every end of your entries despite the child-like manner it was written in.
it all started with "i wish to see my father soon and my big brother dick again!", "alfred told me my father can't come to the parent-teacher conference, he says he's in a veryyy important meeting :( but alfred would come!", "dick told me he can't help me with my science project but he promise he'll help me with something else later!" which halfway through the diary, your style fluctuates and lesser effort was exhausted on the writing.
one entry in particular, written on the last page of your diary, shattered a sliver of hope within dick, his breathing momentarily ceased from reading through your sentences; uncharacteristic of you, too mature for someone at the age of ten to write.
"XX/XX/XXXX.
dear diary, it's my tenth birthday today. i celebrated with my friends at school. they told me i always look down whenever it's my birthday. they think that bruce would throw a fancy celebration for me. i tried to hide my laughter from them. it's a really funny joke. i haven't seen him for months. i told dick that he was invited but i don't think he remembers it's my birthday today. alfred told me to come out of my room, he said he cooked my favorite dinner, that he's sorry he got my present late, but i don't want get out of my room. i heard dick is gonna watch a movie with tim later. i don't feel so good, my chest hurts, but i don't want to get out right now.
i'll eat the cupcake tomorrow."
it had been nearly two hours since dick had sat on your bed, eyes dilating whilst reading through your first diary. the cold season had already pricked his skin, but his entire body felt so unnaturally warm, a warmth that scorches him, searing deep into flesh. a lump had form in his throat, accompanying the hellish throbbing of his heart.
"fuck..." he brought his fingers to his head, carefully massaging his forehead but it relieves nothing. he wants to see you right now— he needs to talk to you. god, he has to apologize, he needs to see what you look like right now, needs to know if you're alright.
you're clearly not.
he has to oppress the urge to punch the walls, reminding himself that it's your room he's in and if he damages your already delicate property, then he's proving himself worse than he already is.
he rushes to grab another diary, the one at the top of the pile, skipping to the end of the page.
nothing. all the entries were months ago, all written in vague detail like you were starting to hide secrets. his teeth grinds against each other, frustration seeping through his veins.
he needs to— shit, he needs to find you right now. he needs to find his baby bird and make up for the all bullshit him and his family had done. if you were gone for months, even years; he doesn't even want to think about it.
but how?!
there were no signs of you. anything written your diary, your drawings, the trinkets on your bedside table— they signal no clues whatsoever, all dating back to months, even years. it's not possible at all, for nobody to notice your disappearance. dick would've noticed sooner. he should've noticed sooner. oh, he doesn't even want to think about the dangers that await you outside the mansion. with how naive you were about the outside world, you wouldn't last at all.
his baby bird wouldn't survive gotham's streets, especially not when winter was nearing.
think, grayson, think...
his phone!
he immediately reaches into his pockets to grab his phone, clammy fingers swifly encoding his password and opening his contacts.
your number was the quickest to find, it was the only one without an icon of you and an endearing nickname. he makes a mental note to change that soon and replaced your default name to your nickname.
then, without hesitation, he typed, "hey baby bird!!! <333 long time no see! how are you?!" sending the message without rereading, foot tapping impatiently against the floor as he scrolls through all your previous messages.
messages that he should've replied to with the same level of enthusiasm as you. skimming through the past, unseen texts as your motivation began to dwindle the further he refused to reply back. he promises he'll never make you feel invisible again.
seconds feel like hours for him, as he blows raspberries to pass the time, too concentrated an ounce of a reply to even notice the entirely new presence inside the room.
it's alright to call you, yes? after all, dick just wanted to check in with his baby bird and see if you're doing swell and dandy and... safe without him...!
his thumbs pressed on the call button before he could think through his actions, his other hand runs through his hair, sweat running down his forehead as if he had ran a marathon.
he waited, and waited, and waited until the call beeped and provided its automated response. he calls you again but the line immediately cuts off, he tries to spam you with more messages but they weren't delivered.
you blocked him.
fuck, he messed up big time. he needs to get to the batcave. he needs to find your fucking location before it's too late. dick needs to see you again before he loses it.
but before he could carefully place your sketchbooks back to its rightful place, he sees a silhouette at the corner of his eyes; short figure, arms crossed, and a sneer on his eyes already tells him who it was.
damian wayne.
he forgot to train with damian today.
but it doesn't matter, damian has to see it for himself— what made dick so disheveled, so delirious. damian has to finally see just how much of a wonderful sibling you are.
reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.
a/n: this was 4,600+ words and it drained the energy out of me. it was supposed to be posted tomorrow but i was too motivated !! i'm also quite proud of this chapter. it was a pain characterizing dick grayson and the reader. i really hope this is as good as the prequel because it's 3am right now and writing dick's part was a pain in the ass ^^' as always, please do comment or send asks if you like it for quicker updates!!!
taglist: @lilyalone, @secretomelettetroops, @earlqurl, @simpingfor-wakasa, @amber-content, @alishii, @ruiroku, @okaybutfullhomo, @trasshy-artist, @obsessedwithromance, @deadinside-09, @jjsmeowthie, @fairy-lenaa (shoutout to her specifically because i got motivated from their comment!)
#����... yael's works#🧁... yael's misc.#series: again & again#yandere dc#yandere batfam#yandere dick grayson#yandere dick grayson x reader#yandere batboys#yandere robin#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x gn reader#yandere x male reader#yandere x y/n#yandere x you#platonic yandere#i hope for this to blow up again like the other one#is it obvious that i like writing angst
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