#they were black-led but they werent good so i couldnt enjoy them

[angelsaxis]

Me personally if I'm refusing to lower my standards for a white-led piece of media I'm also refusing to do it for poc-led media. Like yes people of color should be able to make crappy shows and make bad art but I think people, in their effort to show support for people of color, completely throw standards out the window and it's something that I'm personally not going to compromise on just because the thing is Black-led or something. Like if there's no concern for the craft shown, if the writing is out of whack and the acting is bad and there are things that are just unpleasant to watch, why would I continue? Why would I recommend it? Some people can look past those things; I can't.

And it feels patronizing, to me, to lower those standards just because the thing is mostly about people of color. I've seen people hold back both petty and serious critiques of something they've seen because it's poc-led and again it's like they'd give the art their full attention and their full respect if it was white-led, if it was less diverse.

Yes people of color are allowed to make bad art, but how do you expect them to improve if you show them enough respect to tell them?

[chatnoirismycinnamonroll]

LoOnly Human: Akuma!Marinette AU (part 4: finale)

So...I have literally no excuse about how long this took to write. But here it is! Part 4 of my Akumanette. You know my disclaimer, so I wont repeat it. Enjoy!

AAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCN

The class was silent as they watched the tiny goddess glide back to her chosen. Alya was crying silently, wanting nothing more than to rush to her friend and hug her and apologize for being such an idiot, but she knew she wasnt welcome at the moment. 'Why would I be? I'm supposed to be her best friend, but I didnt even give her the benefit of the doubt. I believed Lila without a single question, but I'm always questioning Marinette's stories and excuses. How many times have I dismissed her worries for nothing but jealousy? I wonder if she'll ever forgive me.'

Marinette kissed Tikki on the forehead as she floated back to her. "You didnt have to do that, but thank you. It means so much to me to have a true friend stand up for what's right."

"You're welcome, Marinette. And know that I will always have your side. Nobody is ever allowed to hurt you, no matter who they are."

Adrien watched the sweet scene with a slight smile on his face. He was still freaking out a little that Marinette was his Ladybug, but that could wait until they were alone. For now, they were still in the same room as the people who tried to break her, and his Chat Noir refused to relax in this kind of situation. His persona and his literal black cat. Was Plagg hissing a little? And why is he looking behind-?

Adrien whirled around, his body moving to shield Marinette without a second thought, his eyes narrowing as he faced the class, searching for the danger. His eyes moved rapidly and finally locked on what Plagg was now hissing at. His eyes widened as he took in the scene.

"Lila, what are you doing?" Adrien asked tensely.

"I wouldnt do that if I were you, snake. It's just going to lead to your end." Plagg warned, his eyes glowing slightly. Tikki nodded, her eyes glowing just as bright. Lila scoffed.

"You think I'm scared of you?! Do you think you can just talk about me like that? I am not a liar! I was just telling people what they wanted to hear! People loved me for it in all my other schools, and those who didnt were smart enough to stay out of my way."

Adrien's eyes widened as he realized her plan and what it would do.

"Everyone get out! Lila, let go of the string." Adrien stepped forward slightly, only to flinch back when she stepped in front of the door, blocking the exit.

"You just had to question everything, didnt you? You couldnt just sit back and enjoy my stories like all the other weak-minded sheep in this class. Nooooo. You had to be smart enough to tell the difference. And you, Agreste. You actually believed I would listen to your little advice? 'You dont need to lie to get people to like you. Just tell the truth!' Ha!" Lila sauntered forward, her eyes low and slit like a snake's as her hand held tight to the string. It led straight to her desk, where she had secretly set up two chemical flasks. They were set up, one upside down over the other, a metal sheet keeping the deadly mix separated. She didnt want another class to end this way, but they were leaving her with no choice.

The class moved behind Adrien and Marinette as they took their stances, their kwamis ready to transform them at the first word. With Lila covering the door, the only way out was through the windows. They werent that high up, and there was a tree near the window, so it wouldnt be too dangerous for the class to get out safely. Marinette looked at Adrien, and he nodded subtly without looking at her, knowing exactly what she was thinking, but keeping his eyes on the danger ahead. Kim silently tried to open the window, only to see it nailed shut. He tried the other windows with no luck. It seemed Lila had planned ahead.

"You are so naive! Everybody lies! You cant go anywhere without having someone lie to impress you. I was just giving everyone a little dose of reality. And now, since you two idiots just had to go and ruin my fun, I'm gonna have to make you disappear. Forever. And with you out of the way, there'll be nobody to question my statement of what happened here. 'MISPRINT ON CHEMISTRY SHEET CAUSES CLASS TO MIX THE WRONG CHEMICALS! A FATALLY EXPLOSIVE REACTION TAKES ALL BUT ONE! HERE IS HER STORY!' And as the only survivor, nobody is going to question on whether I'm telling the truth or not!" She extended her arm, ready to pull it back and start the deadly explosion....

"CATACLYSM!" "LUCKY CHARM!"

...Only to tug on nothing but a cut string as a razorblade was expertly thrown at the string. She stumbled and fell as a small hole opened beneath her, trapping her legs in the floor. The class below them screamed as a hole and a pair of legs appeared above them, having thought that the akuma had been defeated earlier.

"Great job, Stinky Socks!"

"You too, Sugar Cube. I told you I had it more under control." Plagg gloated. Tikki rolled her eyes, but gave him a high five anyway.

"You sure surprised me, but I'm happy. Now Master Fu wont worry so much about you."

"Speaking of worrying, what are we going to do with this brat?" Plagg floated down to a glaring Lila. He landed just out of her reach as she struggled to pull herself out and smirked when she failed.

"We should call the police. She almost killed us all." Alya exclaimed from behind Marinette, who jumped from having forgotten the rest of the class was there.

"Yeah, I'll get my phone-" Nino said, pulling it out of his back pocket and getting ready to unlock it when a familiar voice interrupted from the doorway.

"Theres no need for that. My daddy will make plenty sure shes never allowed in Paris again." Chloe stepped into the room with Sabrina behind her. Sabrina had her phone out, recording everything.

"Chloe! Were you recording the whole time?" Adrien asked anxiously, his eyes flashing worriedly to Marinette. Marinette was still by his side, though now she seemed less confident with the whole class tensing up at the reminder of what exactly had happened.

"Only Liar-la's little monologue. And although I'm not happy that Marinette is Ladybug, I'm not going to out your secret. And if anyone else tries to, well, let's just say that I wont need my daddy to make your life a living hell." Chloe's eyes narrowed at the class, who shrunk away from her gaze.

Marinette stepped forward, her eyes filled with gratitude and confusion. "Why are you being so nice? I thought you would have hated me, not protected me."

"Please, Dupain-cheng. I could care less about you, but you have saved my life multiple times as Ladybug, so I'm just repaying the favor by keeping your secret under wraps. And I'm not protecting you. I'm doing my duty as a heroine of Paris by ensuring its protectors' identities dont somehow get back to Hawkmoth. It's just business. Sabrina!"

"They're right outside, Chloe. My daddy is leading them in as we speak." Sabrina chirped obediently from the doorframe. Her eyes were glued to her phone, no doubt texting her father about the situation.

"Good. Meanwhile, I suggest you two transform. They'll be expecting the heroes to have purified the victim, who was escorted home by her friend, Adrien Agreste, to recover from the akumatization. Ladybug and Chat Noir were about to leave only for this girl to scream out in anger at having been called out as a liar by an akuma. Shes crazy, and when you saw what she was going to do, you used your powers to trap her. Sabrina and I were returning to the class when we heard the commotion and decided to call the police since you two were too busy trying to keep everyone safe. Nobody will question why Marinette and Adrien arent here and the police will take care of the rest."

Everybody stared slack-jawed at Chloe's plan. It was going to work perfectly. They couldn't find one flaw with the plan, and decided to go with it. This day was already stressful enough as it was. If Chloe was giving them a plausible out, they were going to take it.

The heroes transformed just before the police entered, guns drawn and pointing to Lila. "Is this her?"

"Yes, Officer. We have her on tape explaining her plan, and would like her to be removed immediately."

"Of course, Ms. Bourgeois. Chat Noir, if you could..." the officer pointed towards Lila's legs, which were still trapped in the floor.

"Gladly. Cataclysm!" The hole crumbled just enough to get her out, and the police fell on her immediately. They werent exactly gentle with her. After all, she just tried to commit mass murder.

Lila growled as she was hauled up from the floor, her arms locked behind her in handcuffs. "This isnt over."

"No, it definitely is. You're never going to win again, Lila. You're going to get all that is coming to you." Chloe warned, her eyes narrowed and a dangerous smirk speaking volumes as she moved into Lila's line of sight, effectively blocking Marinette from view. "Karma certainly is a bitch, isnt it?"

Lila screamed in anger as she was dragged away to face the consequences of her actions. The police gathered the class's statements, not asking about the akumatization and ignoring their awed yet worried looks at the heroes. You'd think they'd never seen the heroes up close before.

The police finally left, and school was let out early for Lila's threat and the akuma. Ladybug and Chat had stayed to give their statements and fix the damage they (their kwamis) had caused during the rescue. They refused to speak to their classmates, and they forlornly left them alone, worried that they would never be forgiven.

Chat and Ladybug stared at each other in the empty classroom. They had no words. They were still trying to process everything that had happened when their transformations finally fell.

Adrien and Marinette were left staring at each other, thoughts racing as familiar eyes finally placed a face to their partner. Feelings clashing and boiling within them, their eyes and bodies refused to move away from each other as they knew they had to talk it out.

Neither moved, and neither looked away. Without knowing it, they were already saying everything they needed to without a single spoken word. Eyes twinkling bright, their bodies moved on their own. Hands reached out to caress a soft cheek, to hold a slim waist, to wrap around their partner's own. Soft hands meeting calloused hands. Eyes saying everything that words couldnt.

Blue eyes full of pain and regret meeting green filled with understanding and comfort. There was the silent question if what came next. What will happen tomorrow? Could they still trust each other, even after this new revelation? Could she trust herself to keep going, knowing that either she could become vulnerable enough to fall to Hawkmoth again? Could she trust him to be by her side? Could she learn to forgive those who caused this pain within her?

But they pushed those thoughts away to enjoy each other's presence. The relief of knowing that your best friend was someone you knew, and knowing they know your good and bad sides, or at least have seen them before. To know that the love of your life had been closer than expected was such a thrill, it left both of them smiling.

They pulled the other closer, enjoying how well they fit together. And knowing they loved each other all along left them breathless. This could work. Sure, they probably had many problems that would come along. They would doubt each other, fight each other, and struggle. They were only human, after all.

But they could worry about that later. For now, they would enjoy the other, hugging and speaking to each other without saying a word, completely in sync with their feelings. There were no doubts, no ifs or buts. There was just them.

Adrien and Marinette.

Ladybug and Chat Noir.

Both skilled.

Both flawed.

Both completely Human.

The end.

AAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCN

Thank you very much for having waited so long for this! I know it got pretty hectic, but I hope you liked it. ^.^

@mindfulmagics @drarrylover007 @dreamteaze

[the-static-and-i]

Star-lit Date Night

//Hey yall, so depression has been kicking my ass and I dont know how to write whump without it being my/Sam's fault in some way, which is one of my big triggers, so I'm gonna pause on those for a hot sec and just write some fluff, because I need that so bad rn. I'm sorry about the prompts, I'll get to those as soon as I hate myself a little less, but for now just enjoy the kinda badly written gay cliche

TW: Gay panic, brief mention of not eating or sleeping much, mention of medicine, kinda suggestive talk.

Sam hadnt stopped telling everyone about this girl she had met since ten minutes after meeting her, which was three weeks ago now. If she wasnt texting her, she was infodumping everything about her to Kat or Sofia or occassionally Jackie and Nic when they were free and up for listening, and if she wasnt doing that, she was daydreaming about kissing her and moving in together, she had even planned their wedding.

Ren tried to keep her in check, so she didnt talk everyone's ears off about some girl they hadnt even met, but even she had to admit she was smitten with her too.

Of course, Ren didnt allow herself to talk to this girl, aware that there would be questions that she couldnt answer with a clear conscious. But she could at least admit she was gorgeous, and Sam's dramatic exaggerations of her beauty werent that far off, or were at least deserved.

They had finally gotten into a point in their friendship where Sam felt comfortable enough to blurt out that she liked her as more than a friend, and as they waited in an increasingly awkward silence, she and Ren decided that no matter what happened, they were glad to have met her.

Dani had responded positively, though! She liked Sam back, and wanted to get to know her more, so she invited Sam on a date on Friday night.

So she acquired permission for Sofia's car, and then waited in an anxious ball for the next two days to pass by. She barely slept and barely ate, only remembering to take her meds because of her alarms and Kat's gentle reminders.

Finally, Friday morning rolled around.

Ren took them to the bathroom, showering and shaving and curling their hair and washing their face with 13 different products, finally finishing with some "light" makeup.

Sam hated it, wanting to scratch at her nose and cheeks and forehead, but knew it would just mess up Ren's hard work. Admittedly, she looked pretty, and Ren's skill was impressive.

They left the bathroom in a towel, giving an awkward smile to Kat as she headed out of the cabin.

Arriving in their room, Sam realized she had to actually get dressed, but didnt know what the fuck to wear. She didnt wanna get out of the towel dress, didnt wanna wear pants or shorts or, gods forbid, a skirt.

So, the only option was a dress.

She had a few, and she liked most of them, but a couple were Ren's, and those were on the downward side of her "like" spectrum.

This is when Ren started stirring again, coaxing Sam to at least try on a few of hers, just to see how they looked with her hair and face all dolled up.

Sam decided to humor her, trying on three before finding one of Ren's she did actually like; a black long sleeve dress with a short skater skirt, and weird ass hole patterns along the whole thing. Weird patterns aside, it was a gorgeous dress, and hugged her body in some pretty flattering ways.

She kept it on, hanging up the other dresses and doing a quick spin in front if the mirror.

Oh yeah, this was a good dress; the skirt flared up and twirled around her, probably showing off her ass a little, but she would put on those dress short things that hide your underwear and call it good.

Despite how happy she was with the dress, there was a new one she got that she honestly loved, and had been waiting for an excuse to wear for a few weeks now.

So she slipped off the black dress carefully, pulling on the dark blue one instead, the pink and peach flowers catching her eye in the mirror immediately. She slipped her hands in the pockets and spun, flaring the dress manually. Even if she had to put work in, the action still made her smile, and she decided this one looked pretty too.

Ren sighed quietly, saying that they were both pretty but the black one was a little nicer, yeah?

Sam groaned, honestly unsure which she preferred. A quick glance at the clock told her that she didn't have a whole lot of time to debate, so she bit her lip and decided to get third party opinion.

Remembering Kat had just left though, her heart started beating faster in a small panic. She grabbed her phone and pulled open her messages, seeing the last person she talked to was Nic!

He would know how to do the date thing, right? I mean, he got the only person as cool as him, so he had to at least be able to advise her for clothes right? Fuck, she hoped so.

She snapped a quick picture of the blue dress while it was still on, quickly pulling it off and putting the black one back on.

Taking a picture of that too, she gathered both and sent them to him, captioning it "Fashion emergency, Ren and I cant decide what to wear for our, my? Date tonight!! Mind helping a little?"

She sent off the message, twirling for a second in the dress again, habitually reaching for pockets that werent there and frowning a little. She didnt dwell on lost pockets though, going back to her closet and pulling out different shoes.

If he picked the black one, would she wear heels or boots? Flats maybe? Not boots, for sure, but I have 4 pairs of black flats and 3 different heels.

Okay, fuck that, what about if he picks blue? I have 2 pairs of blue flats, plus a pair of blue heels, and any of the black shoes would be cute probably.

Sam groaned, quickly realizing she had far too many shoes, and she was completely hopeless with fashion stuff.

Luckily, she wasnt alone with her indecisiveness; Nic responding with a comment about how pretty she looked and how happy he was for her, finishing off by saying that her hair accented the blue one in a really pretty way.

Sam squealed and set her phone down, sliding the dress on and examining herself, brushing some setting power off of the chest and brushing down the skirt a little, finishing by fluffing her hair a tiny bit.

Yeah, she looked good.

She grabbed a pair of comfy blue shoes and a pair of cute heels that she could totally walk in if Ren was fronting, snapping pics of them on her bed and sending both to Nic, saying "You're a fucking lifesaver and I preesh you. Would you mind if I asked for one more?"

His response was quicker, "Go for more comfortable in case you're out for a while. Dont wanna cut tonight short cause your feet hurt!"

Sam laughed a little, enjoying the implications that Dani would actually enjoy her presence enough to want to hang out past dinner.

Still, she slipped on some small socks and the flats, floofing the hem of the skirt in front of the mirror again. Dad made the right call, and she was fucking rocking the look.

She took a better quality picture, showing off the whole look to Nic, writing a quick, "You're a fucking god and thank you so much!! Love you, dad :D"

She didnt wait for a reply, putting her phone into a sorta-matching bag and making sure she had her wallet and keys in it. Finally, she was ready, and ahead of schedule!

She left the cabin quick, making it to the car and driving off without incident.

30 minutes later, she was in the restaurant checking to see if Dani had already been seated. The host led her back to Dani's table, the latter standing up and pulling Sam into a hug before pulling away.

"You look stunning, Jesus Christ.." Sam blushed, stuttering out a small thank you and reciprocating the compliment.

Dani was fucking gorgeous, wearing fancy pants and a nice top, with a complementing jacket draped over the back of her chair.

They parted completely, Dani stepping back and pulling Sam's chair out, coming around to sit again after she pushed Sam in too.

They ordered drinks, neither of them getting anything alcoholic, and then food quickly, only quiet small talk shared as they decided.

Once the menus were taken though, Dani started firing off random questions that Sam struggled to answer, the questions getting more ridiculous as they went; "What would you name a pet dolphin?", "If you could name your super-sidekick, what would you pick?", "Who came to mind when I said super-sidekick?"

Eventually they were both giggling and laughing, Dani not holding back with her head tilted back and a big grin on her face, and Sam keeping herself quiet by biting her lip, also suppressing her own grin.

Their food came, and they made more small talk while they ate, learning small things about each other that Sam loved knowing; Dani loved shellfish but hated other seafood, and her first dog was named Popcorn, and her first girlfriend was in the 7th grade, and they kissed on their first anniversary.

Dani didnt push when Sam frowned at the mention of first girlfriends, avoiding the subject by instead asking her favorite sport, and if she had ever been skiing, and what her favorite halloween costume was.

By the time they finally finished dinner, including a relatively small dessert that they shared, it was 11 pm, and they didnt want to go their separate ways just yet.

So they split the bill and took their leave, heading a block over to the nearest park. Sam started shivering as they walked, but she pursed her lips and ignored it, bracing herself against the breeze that was colder than she was expecting.

Dani stopped in front of the intersection, not even hitting the crosswalk button before taking her jacket off and draping it over Sam's shoulders.

Only then did Sam realize Dani was so fucking tall. Like, she was 5'4, Dani was at least a whole head taller, with slightly broader shoulders and such big fucking arms.

Distracting herself quickly, she slipped her arms into the warm jacket while Dani hit the button.

The jacket was so fucking big on her, naturally. The sleeves went past her hands, the bottom edge coming down past her butt, and the shoulders were already sliding down her, well, shoulders.

Dani wrapped her arm around Sam, keeping the jacket upright and also keeping their warmth closer to their bodies.

They crossed into the park, still entwined and cuddling, both content to walk around in the quiet night for a while.

Sam glanced up at the sky, doing a double take as she saw the big moon and bright stars.

Slowly, she started asking Dani about how much she knew about space, sharing little facts and tidbits that she knew, until Dani asked her to share more. She took the jacket off after a moment of hesitation, laying it on the grass and sitting down on it, patting the space next to her so Dani could sit.

She complied, even following when Sam laid back fully, listening quietly but enthralled as Sam pointed out constellations and planets and even a couple satellites that they noticed passing by.

Dani entwined their hands, looking over at Sam with a small smile. She didnt notice the gaze, still caught up in telling the story behind one of the many constellations she had loved learning about. Dani couldnt help but smile with her as her shy smile grew into a big grin that she didnt even hide the longer she talked.

Sam finally tired herself out, looking over at Dani with her smile returned to its shy, apologetic size. She leaned forward before Sam could speak, kissing her shoulder gently.

"You're really smart, and you clearly know your stuff about this. I love hearing you talk about the stars and space and everything involved with that, Sam. And thank you for sharing," Sam was shocked, her mouth opening a little, like she wanted to protest but though better of it. Dani gave her a small but genuine smile, squeezing her hand gently.

Sam squeezed back, whispering a quiet "Thank you," before nuzzling her forehead onto Dani's shoulder, hiding her face and her slightly-visible smile.

When she pulled away, she caught Dani's eye, both of them refusing to look away. Her hair was a forest green but looked so much lighter under the moon, and San wanted to run her fingers through it.

Dani was a step ahead of her, turning onto her side and releasing Sam's hand so she could pull her into a hug. Her forehead was pressed against Dani's collarbone, but she was so comfortable and felt so safe already.

After everything, she could use a little safe.

So she hugged Dani back, looping their legs together and holding her close, and they stayed like that until the sprinklers turned on.

They both grabbed their shit and ran out of the park, dripping wet and laughing, Sam doubled over by the time they reached the outer sidewalk.

Dani gasped for breath, glancing over at Sam before another laughing fit erupted from her. In the midst of her own fit, Sam barely registered that she wanted to hear Dani laugh like this more often.

The puddles beneath them grew as they slowly calmed down, Dani still letting out quiet giggles every so often, while Sam was just smiling big and proud.

"Your hair still looks beautiful, this is unfair, you're like a goddess or something!" Sam froze, looking over at Dani as she spoke. Her hair was falling into her face, whatever she had used to make it stand up clearly not being waterproof.

"Y-your hair is absolutely gorgeous, and you're rocking the whole.. messy hair vibe. Like, shit, you're so fucking pretty, I could actually ki-" Sam cut off, her eyes widening a little.

Its not that she didnt wanna kiss Dani, but she didnt want her to feel obligated to, I mean it was their first date, and they were both probably cold, and she was getting closer, why was she getting closer?

Dani rested her hands on Sam's shoulder and cheek, giving her a second to pull away before pressing their lips together.

Sam's hands flailed at her sides, before Ren placed them on Dani's hips and kissed her back. Sam came back in control, her eyes sliding shut in near bliss. Dani’s lips were soft and warm, and her hands were playing with Sam’s hair. 

They parted slowly, Dani meeting Sam’s eyes with a small smile. 

“You kiss good,” Were Sam’s first words, barely a whisper as her eyes flicked between Dani’s and her lips. Dani laughed a little, leaning over and kissing Sam’s cheek quickly. 

“You kiss good too. And thanks, Sam,” She was still smiling, and it had Sam smiling back. They stood there for a moment in silence, until Dani spoke up again, “Youre still shivering, do you want to call it a night?”

No, she really didnt, but she was really cold, and she had to take her meds before bed, lest she wake up like an asshole or have nightmares or both. 

She sighed, not knowing how to explain any of that without sounding fucking psychotic, so she simply nodded a little. “’m sorry”

“Hey, no need to apologize, i get it, its 2 am and we both have class tomorrow, its all good. You had fun tonight though?” Dani hooked her arm through Sam’s, guiding them back towards the restaurant and where they had parked. 

Sam blinked in surprise at the time, but didnt comment on it, instead answering, “This has been the best night ive had in.. ever? Its been so much fun just talking with you, and hanging out, and just.. being with you. Youre so sweet and funny and patient, and i.. really hope we can do this again sometime soon?”

Dani smiled, swinging their hands between them as she nodded rapidly. “Id be so down for that, and we can go out earlier than today? Just so we arent out all night?”

Sam nodded, looking up at Dani nervously, “Fuck yeah, or we could like.. i dunno, set up something so we spend the night together..?” 

“Sam Kyle, are you implying-”

“No!! No, not like that!!!!” Dani started laughing again as Sam covered her face with her free hand.

When Dani calmed down again, they had reached the parking lot and stopped walking. “I wouldnt mind having a sleepover though, with or without that.” She said with a fond smile. 

“That.. yeah, fuck yeah, how bout we plan something in the morning?” Dani agreed, and they shared another small kiss before going their separate ways. 

Sam walked quietly into the cabin, sure Kat would be asleep by now. She shot a quick text to Dani telling her that she arrived safely, getting one a few minutes later saying the same. They said their thank you’s and good night’s, before Sam noticed she still had Dani’s jacket on. 

She snorted as she saw herself in the mirror, flapping the sleeves briefly before deciding she did still look cute in it; the color even matched the flowers on her dress! 

She took one last picture, and went to send it to Nic, finally seeing that he had wished her good luck before she even left for the date, and had sent another message asking about how it went. With a small smile, she hit send on the photo, the caption a long ramble about how much fun they had and that they were planning another one soon. 

He responded with a small joke about the comfortable shoes, before saying how happy he was that she was moving on and finding some happy of her own. 

They talked for another few minutes while Sam took her meds, got changed into pjs and washed off the makeup, saying good night’s of their own before she laid down to finally sleep, after three very long, anxious days. 

She cuddled close to Peter, her amethyst necklace around his bear neck, bidding goodnight to the stars around her room and both her dads, finally having a completely dreamless night’s sleep. 

[lilulo-12fanfiction]

Nothing Breaks Like A Heart: Chapter 2 part 1

So I had to split this into 2 chapters because it’s really long. I’m not big on regurgitating content but it was a good way to set the story up further. Going forward there will be more original content with some cannon thrown in. P.S. IDGAF about Cannon if it doesn’t work well for my story.

I’d love it if you reblogged, gave feedback, etc.

Let me know if you want to be tagged

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@shreddedparchment @fanfictionjunkie1112

Nora smiled to herself as she approached Bruce Banner, Natasha and Steve. She was ecstatic to meet Bruce Banner. She hadn’t seen Natasha in a while and well Steve was another story altogether.

“Is that the only word on me?” Bruce questioned Steve looking incredibly apprehensive.

“Only word I care about.” Such a Steve Rogers thing to say. She watches as Banner seemed to relax, if only slightly.

“Well he won’t be doing it alone.” Nora beamed at the 3 of them. “Besides myself I’m quite positive that my Uncle will show his face after getting through Coulson’s information bomb he gave us last night. No way is he missing out on this.”

“Nora Stark.” The red headed assassin smiled back at Nora.

“Good to see you Rusty. It’s been too long.”

“Well Tony isn’t my biggest fan. So I’ve steered clear.” Natasha shrugged.

“Well stop it. No one cares what he thinks.” Natasha shook her head at Nora. The attitude was 110% Tony Stark.

“Hello Nora.” Steve finally spoke after observing her.

“Hello Captain. Good to see you again.” She watched as the heat rose to his face and turned to Bruce Banner before she reacted and stuck her hand out.

“Well apparently my friends here forgot their manners. Dr. Banner, I’m Nora Stark. I’m a huge fan of your work. I’m really looking forward to working with you.” Bruce tentatively shook her hand.

“You’re not scared to be around me?” Bruce looked at her small stature and assumed she’d be terrified. She shrugged.

“Why would I be?” She smiled. Her kind eyes put him at ease. She linked her arms through Bruce’s. “C’mon Dr. Banner. Let’s go do what we nerds do so the super heroes can get to work” Nora gave Steve a wink only he could see and led them towards the Helicarrier.

“Okay Bruce, apparently Loki is in Germany. I highly doubt the Tesseract is with him.” Nora sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I agree.” Bruce didn’t look up from the computer screen.

“I’m going to head out to Fury. I need to see this. Let me know when you need me.” Bruce nodded again and Nora headed out of the lab and down to the main section of the Helicarrier.

As she made her way out to the main deck, she could hear AC/DC over the comms and then her Uncle’s voice. “Agent Romanoff, you miss me?”

“I see I made it just in time for the show.” She crossed over to where Fury was standing and he Gave her a smirk.

“Make a move Reindeer Games” Nora watched as Natasha landed the Quinjet to capture Loki.

“He doesn’t have the tesseract with him. And we haven’t located it yet. But the staff he carries, the one that turned one of your best parents into a puppet. I’m thinking that might help us.”

“I agree, Nora. Go let Dr. Banner know what’s going on and both of you join us back here once they’re back on this ship.” Nora nodded at the order and headed to retrieve Dr. Banner. She turned her comm on so she could listen in to their ride with Loki and was privy to the fight between the three men.

A little while after Loki was on the ship, Nora made her way back down to the main deck to discuss Loki. Dr. Banner would be joining them shortly. As she approached she heard her Uncle refer to someone as “Point Break”. She rolled her eyes and made herself known.

“Oh good. You’re all done playing swords. Did you find out who’s the biggest or did you just waste our time?”

“See that’s what makes you my favorite Stark. You’re infinitely more funny than Tony.” Natasha and Nora smiled at each other.

“What? No! Absolutely not! You’re not helping on this mission!” Tony wasn’t exactly surprised to see Nora but he wasn’t going to allow her to jump into the line of danger.

“You say that like you still have a say in the choices I make” Nora scoffed at her Uncle. “You need me. If you didn’t Pepper wouldn’t have asked me to come and Fury wouldn’t have agreed to it.”

“Nora I know you’re brilliant but we can do this without you.” Tony shot back. Steve watched on with interest.

“No you can’t. You need my memory and my professional abilities.” Nora was just as stubborn as her Uncle. This wasn’t going to end quickly.

“Your memory? What does that mean.” Nora looked over to the heavy accented voice that was sitting at the table.

“You must be Thor" He nodded. I have a photographic memory. I remember every detail of everything.”

“That sounds very useful and overwhelming.” His understanding and empathy took Nora by surprise. It was overwhelming and incredibly useful. There were some things she wished she could forget, yet instead they plagued her dreams. “And what are these professional abilities?” Thor was intrigued by this tiny human.

“I have some pretty stellar computer skills.” Before Thor could question Nora further Tony was interrupting.

“Uh hello??? I have some pretty decent computer skills myself.” Nora rolled her eyes at the exact same time Tony did and the resemblance between her and Tony couldn’t be ignored. It made Thor smile.

“Obviously you know your way around a computer. But you know full well that you can’t hack like I can.”

“She’s right Tony.” Fury finally spoke. “She hacked the Pentagon on a dare in High School.”

“You what?!” Steve was shocked and Nora stood there with a proud smile on her face. He wouldn’t have thought she would do something like that.

“Sorry Captain. Sometimes you just have to bend the rules. Especially when your sexist classmate thinks he’s superior because he has a teeny tiny appendage between his legs” Thor audibly laughed.

“Yeah that was pretty impressive. I’m still pretty proud you did that.” Tony finally conceded. “Fine. I’m not going to argue with you anymore but if you’re going to be on this mission you need something a little more protective than whatever this is that you’re wearing.” He pointed up and down her body. She was clad in a leather pencil skirt, a denim button down shirt and sky high leopard print heels. Her normally long curly hair was straightened and in a high ponytail with braids on the top of her head.

“Well I asked you to make me a suit.” Nora shot back. Thor watched on enjoying the verbal ping pong match. He liked the fire in Nora Stark.

“So you can put yourself in more danger? Yeah, not likely.” Nick Fury stood up to put an end to the bickering.

“Nora- I had some special Kevlar made for you. There’s a locker with your name on it. You can change when you're ready.”

“Thanks Uncle Nick.” Nora gave Tony a dirty look and went and sat down next to Thor. She was drawn to him for some reason. She couldn't explain it. "So tell me about Asgard and this brother of yours" Steve watched as Thor and Nora seemed to be in a bubble. He had her undivided attention. She laughed at the things he said that weren’t meant to be funny but were because of Thor’s lack of Earth knowledge. She would place her hand on his arm as they spoke. Neither of them seemed to pay much attention to the people around them. He had to force himself to pay attention to what Fury was saying. He was surprised at how jealous he felt. He barely knew her. And he didn’t ever expect to find anyone that stirred feelings in him. Not the way Peggy did. It wasn’t the same, Peggy was Peggy. But Nora somehow set off a spark inside him. The first real connection he made before coming out of the ice.

Nora sighed and sat down on the bench in the locker room. She wanted her own “Iron Man” suit. Tony refused. Nora had contemplated just hacking into his system for the plans, but she couldn’t break her Uncle’s trust like that. She didn’t want him doing this alone. Maybe now that Steve was out of the ice he wouldn’t have to. She was always afraid that when he left in that Iron Man suit he wouldn’t come back. She knew Pepper had the same fears. Nora and Tony both had lost so much. They had been betrayed by people they had loved too. He wasn’t her father. No one could ever take Grant Starks place in her heart, but the relationship she and Tony had was something beyond parent and child. They were connected by loss and pain. They were connected by their similarities. They had the same snark, the same attitude and the Stark swagger. The swagger that sometimes acted as a protective bubble. Tony was Nora’s protector. Even when he was missing he was still protecting her. He had always had a plan in place with Rhodey and Pepper to keep her safe and loved if something happened and he couldn’t. All Nora wanted to do was protect him as well.

She stood and opened up the locker with her name and smiled at what Nick had left her. It was an all black Kevlar suit that looked like leather. It had straps across her hips and boots that went over her knees. There were a number of holsters to hold weapons or technological items. She wasn’t sure where Nick had found it, but it was perfect. It held her body like a glove. She was curvy but strong. She has never been skinny. Her body wasn’t built to be that small. She had accepted her flaws a long time ago and learned how to use them to her advantage.

She headed out of the locker room with plans to head back to the lab. Her eyes caught the door that she knew Loki was behind and she just couldn’t help herself. Her credentials allowed her to enter the room. There he stood. The God of Mischief in a round glass cage.

“Hello Loki.” He snapped his head up and studied her.

“The Dróttning av Gimsteinn” Loki’s voice was almost breathless. He hadn’t been expecting to see her and the words had poured from his mouth before he could stop them.

“What did you just say?” Nora stopped in her tracks and stared him down. Loki’s eyes bore into Nora’s and he didn’t respond. “What does that mean?”

“You’ll find out soon enough I suppose” Loki acted as uninterested in her as he possibly could. I’m reality he was buzzing on the inside. He thought it would be more difficult to get eyes on her. Nora narrowed her eyes at him. She took a step towards him and stopped.

“I’m not going to let you goad me into a reaction. When you get bored of this and want to tell me where the tesseract is, let me know. If I find it before you tell me, I can’t help you.” Before Loki could respond, she was gone. Loki smiled to himself. She was feisty. She liked to spar. This was going to be more fun than he originally thought.

Nora was wracking her brain trying to figure out what Loki called her as she was heading back. She didn’t even know what language it was. She was about to pull her phone out and try to search for what she thought he had said when she stumbled upon Steve trying to pry a set of doors open. Captain America breaking and entering? This was surprising. She crossed her arms in front of her body and leaned against the wall.

“Need some help Captain?” She smiled with a suggestive voice as Steve jumped. He turned and faced Nora sheepishly with red cheeks. He had on hand on the back of his neck and looked impossibly adorable.

“I was…I uh…” He was embarrassed for getting caught but what really had him stuttering was Nora. No one should look that good in Kevlar. He silently chastised himself for behaving like a 13 year old. Nora shook her head and without a word pushed herself off of the wall and approached the door Steve was trying to bust open. She pressed her palm to the lock pad. It read her palm print and prompted for the 2nd security key. “Stark, Nora Margaret”. Steve froze. Was Peggy apart of her life? It couldn’t be a coincidence that she was related to Howard Stark and her middle name was Peggy. Howard and Peggy has founded Sheild together. He wondered if Peggy had any sort of relationship with Nora’s father. He wanted to ask her about it, but it wasn’t the right time. Nora motioned him inside.

“After you.” Nora followed him into the room and the door shut behind him. “Mind telling me what we’re doing in here? What are you looking for?”

“I’m honestly not sure. Your Uncle is trying to get all of Sheild’s files as we speak. He seems to think Fury is hiding something.”

“Oh what a jack ass. He’s trying to hack in on his own instead of asking me. He’s trying to prove he doesn’t need me. I could have had those files in 5 minutes, 10 tops. Plus I have access to a lot of shit around here. Sheild is my family birth right. My father would have taken Howard’s place.”

“Wait- so you agree with Tony? You think he’s hiding something?”

“Don’t be so naive Captain. Of course he’s hiding something. He’s a super spy. His secrets have secrets!” Steve laughed. “What’s funny?”

“Your Uncle literally said the same thing. Word for word.” Nora’s eyes shone with pride. “Are you going to help me look?”

She threw her arms up in a shrug. “Kind of hard to help when I have zero clue what to look for. And how do you know I’m not in on it?”

“Call it a gut instinct.” Nora liked to banter and Steve was feeling brave. He was still feeling a little green after seeing her with Thor. Now was his chance to see if she was as just flirty or interested in him. He was a God. A good looking one at that. And while he felt like an idiot worrying about it when they had more important things to focus on, he had to know. “So you’re done flirting with Thor? You two seemed to hit it off right away.” He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“I wasn’t flirting! Why? Are you jealous?” Nora sauntered over to where Steve was leaning over a crate. She put her hand on his shoulder and leaned over so she could whisper in his ear. “Believe me Captain, if I’m flirting, you’ll know it.”

Nora’s breath was hot on his neck and it sent a chill down his spine. He was about to respond but his attention was pulled to the container in front of him. Steve opened a container. “I think I found what we’re looking for.” Steve watched as Nora pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Dammit.” The disappointment was radiating from her voice. “Sometimes, it’s really hard to separate the spy, the head of Shield, from the man that helped me become who I am today. The person my father revered. I just can’t.”

“I’m sorry Nora.” Steve put his hand on her shoulder.

“Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do this Steve.”

“No, but I know that feeling. And I’m sorry that you’re feeling it now.” Nora gave Steve a small smile.

“Thank you. God this is all so messed up. Let’s go to the lab. I’d like to talk to Nick and I need to ask Thor some questions about his brother.” Steve picked up the container and the two of them headed back to her Uncle and Dr. Banner.

Nora could heat heated voices as she and Steve approached the lab. So heated that they didn’t even notice the two of them enter in the middle of Bruce’s sentence.

“…When we get a hit, we’ll have the location within half a mile.” Nora could tell he was trying to control his temper. Tony picked up where Bruce left off. The two of them were a team already.

“And you’ll get your cube back, no muss, no fuss. What is Phase Two?” Tony wanted answers. Nora knew that look in his eye.

Nora jumped as Steve slammed the case down on the counter. “ Phase Two is SHIELD used the Cube to make weapons.” Steve answered for Fury and then directed himself towards Tony. “Sorry, computer was moving a little slow for me.”

Nora gave Tony a dirty look. “I literally could have gotten it within 10 minutes tops. Stop trying to prove that you don’t need me.”

“Rogers, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract. This does not mean that we’re-“ Before Fury could finish Tony flipped the screen to reveal a plan for a missile. Nora pit her face in her hands. This was only going to get worse.

“I’m sorry, Nick. What were you lying?” Nora clenched her jaw. She didn’t know what to say to calm the waters because she was just as angry as the rest of them. She pulled herself from her thoughts as Natasha and Thor came into the lab.

“You wanna think about removing yourself from this environment, doctor?” Bruce laughed in Natasha’s face.

“I was in Calcutta, I was pretty well removed.” Nora ignored their verbal ping pong as she went over to the monitor to check on the Tesseract. She paused and eyed Loki’s staff curiously. When she focused back on the group Fury was explaining why Sheild wanted to create these weapons.

“Last year earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town. We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly- hilariously, out-gunned.” Nora was going to tell Nick he was right but that he should have been upfront but Thor interjected before she had the chance.

“My people want nothing but peace with your planet.”

“But you’re not the only people out there, are you? And, you’re not the only threat. The world’s filling up with people who can’t be matched, they can’t be controlled.” Fury shot back quickly. Nora couldn’t focus on what they were saying anymore. Her attention was drawn back to Loki’s staff like it was pulling her in. Bits and pieces of the argument would break through. She couldn’t focus on who was saying what as her head started to pound and the sceptor started to glow..

“Nuclear deterrent! ’Cause that always calms everything right down.”

“ I’m sure if he still made weapons, Stark would be neck deep-“

“How is this now about me?”

“I’m sorry, isn’t everything?”

“I thought humans were more evolved than this.”

“I swear to God, Stark, one more crack...”

Nora felt more dizzy and tried to focus on Steve’s voice, though she wished she hadn’t. “Yeah, big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?” Why was Steve attacking her Uncle? He didn’t know what he was talking about. Nora felt too woozy to feel any anger at that point.

“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I’ve seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.” He was wrong. He didn’t know what Tony Stark was about. He put on a front but he was a hero. He took the world on his shoulders. Nora remembered Tony destroying all of the weapons sold to our enemies. She wanted to scream at Rogers but her head hurt too badly to speak. Tony’s voice cut through the pain.

“A hero, like you? You’re a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle.”

“Put on the suit, let’s go a few rounds.”

“Steve, Tony- Stop” Nora begged. Her voice wasn’t loud enough for them to hear her. She was sure it was Loki’s scepter causing them to act like this. It was what messed with Barton’s head. Loki had wanted it to be here, to cause this dissension. Finally Bruce’s yelling caused everything to stop.

“IN CASE YOU NEEDED TO KILL ME. BUT YOU CAN’T, I KNOW, I TRIED!” He stopped and saw that everyone is staring at him and he continued. “I got low. I didn’t see an end so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out. So I moved on, I focused on helping other people. I was good until you dragged me back into this freak show and put everyone here at risk. You wanna know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You wanna know how I stay calm?”

“Oh Bruce...” Nora could feel his pain and anger, how broken he felt. He was holding the scepter while Fury and Natasha hand their hands on their guns. Nora was white as a sheet.

“Please Bruce. That thing is making you all act like this. Please put it down. No one is going to cage you, I promise..”

“Nora?” Tony’s voice was full of worry. She looked sick. She had barely said a word during the argument. She normally would tell Tony if he was being an ass or defend him if he was right. Steve took a deep breath, sighed and looked at Bruce.

“Doctor Banner, put down the scepter.” Banner looked down, surprised to see the spear in his hand. Suddenly the monitor made a noise, signaling the Tesseract has been located. Bruce put the scepter back on the table and walked over to the screen on the other side of the room. Nora walked over to the table and lightly touched the scepter, knowing it was the source of her pain. She just didn’t know why. She yanked her hand back and turned towards her Uncle.

Suddenly Tony turned to leave but Steve put his arm out to stop him. “You’re not going alone Stark!” Tony smacked Steve’s hand away.

“You gonna stop me?” Nora groaned. Taking steps towards the two men.

“Put on the suit, let’s find out!

“ I’m not afraid to hit an old man.”

“Will the two of you stop acting like children?!” Nora was pleading with them. Then she heard Banner yelling and then an explosion. Nora flew into Steve, he grabbed her by the waist as he and Tony fell near the entry way. Steve turned her so she would fall on him instead of the floor protecting her head and neck. The next thing she knew Steve was pulling her along with Tony.

[decodervon]

(Disclaimer: I am writing for myself. I know nothing I can say or do will persuade anyone who reads this in or out of any situation they are in. I come here to take off my kid gloves and let my actual emotions swing. I say whatever I want here, with no filter or expectation of any sort of rebuttal or communication. I do not write to change any opinions, save for that of my own.)

Writing as if I'm talking to you.. helps. I have this.. concept of you.. one that never really existed. And if it did? Only for moments. This idea that you really honestly cared about the thoughts and feelings coming out of me. The concept of wanting to hold my hand and help me sort out what my problems were. Basically how I would act when all the stress and anxiety and panic hit you. I dont exhibit those emotions the same way. THIS is how I have a panic attack. This is how I deal with anxiety. I can feel it welling up, building.. and this is my teapot whistling. This is how I pour myself out. This is self-care. Not just some indirect way to contact you. As I made mention in my disclaimer, this is for me. It's not for you. I dont think you fully understood that this was all a window into my mind. Just for you to peek because I trusted you, and only you, enough to see into my extremely personal thoughts.

So talking to this.. imaginary version of you that still cares about me.. helps. You dont know how to care about me anymore in real life. You gave up on me a while ago. Your actual version of care never went past yourself. Your version of "above and beyond" was sticking around when I was terrible to you. That's not what that is. That was just.. stupidity. I was always wrong to treat you that way, but you were stupid to let me treat you that way. We look back on the timeline and the only thing that broke that? Shock. Leaving me. Helping me understand that you /wouldnt/ stick around through me beating you down emotionally. I was in a place that was so dark, I couldn't even see what I was doing or how I was treating you. You were suppose to be the one to reach into the muck and pull me out by my ears. Instead you let it drag you down with you.

I'm not blaming that all on you, mind you. Two to tango. But it was like trying to put out a fire by waiting patiently for it to die out. That was never going to work. But you arent the type of emotionally intelligent person to know, understand, or figure that out. Sorry. That was always your weakest point. That was something I had to help you develop literally our entire relationship. I'd even say "train" if I was feeling more malicious. Do you understand that I've been this emotionally adept since I was 15? Do you get how hard it is to SEE someone flounder with it a decade later and then have them not believe you know what you're talking about because they just don't understand it? I was right about so much stupid shit it makes me sick. I was right to stop trying after you starting treating me badly. I was right about Tom. I was right about you distancing yourself from me. I was right about you not having faith in me. and even going farther back into our open relationship and thinking you would burn past my boundaries with little to no regard and Kenny. It felt like I was a psychic and no one would believe me.

This is all just idle commentary. This isnt the heart of my anger or where my anxiety stems. These are the facts. You were never good with my emotional things. Sure, youd let me cry into you chest when it all hit, which was correct first step... but that's not the full scope of what an adult needs. Adults need to be reassured. They need to know that you're ready to help them, even if you dont actually. Adults need to be loved and calmed and talked to and made to understand that you'll be there for them when the worst hits. This was how I treated you when things were okay. How I took care of you during your attacks. After nearly all of mine, I was always found wanting. Like I was some sort of.. obstacle. Like taking care of me was a hassle. Like you were doing it only because you felt obligation. I dont know if that's how you actually felt, but it's how you came off. It made me feel like you just wanted me to stop crying because it was annoying. and god. what a feeling that is. not wanting to share your emotions with your significant other because you were scared they resented your feelings. it doesnt matter. I shouldnt have to explain to another grown-ups adult. you should be emotionally capable by 30. you've had a lot of opportunities to practice.

no relationship is without emotional labor. not one. not even the one you're in. you just haven't quite got there yet. you dont know their dark sides, you dont know when the other shoe is going to drop. you keep your walls up, but it's only a matter of time. you will deal with their damages, with their flaws, with everything that makes up that human being because that's what every human being is: a bunch of flaws and merits rolled into one mess. so enjoy your honeymoon phase, because everyday is one day closer to it being gone.

These are tangents. this isnt even why I wanted to talk here. Maybe the lack of emotional intelligence thing. that was one. always so shocked to see I'm hurt or surprised to see that my feelings well up and cause me to burst. that's what new years was. I regret saying anything more to you than "happy birthday". I was in a horrible way. we werent talking. I felt used. I felt like I did back in middle school when the occasional pretty girl would lead me around by the nose until she got bored of me. I felt like you had used me for attention for the last 3 months. letting me plan all the things you never wanted to plan. put in all the effort to try and see you. knowing secretly that you didnt want me, but loved the attention of being wanted. I was so angry. Part of that anger remains.. but not for that reason. That's just the logic of what lead to my explosion on new years. And let me make this clear: this isnt an excuse. I'm not asking for forgiveness. I'm not claiming the devil made me do it. these were my own actions which, even by myself, I am shameful and regretful over. These are the reasons that led up to it. I had just stood up to you and said I didnt want to be treated badly once I realized you were, in fact, doing that. And you were just fine to drop me. you didnt care. you didnt care about any of it. those months and time? you didnt care. so I said monstrous stuff. I said really horrible shit and even when you tried to stop me, i doubled downed on it. I wish I coudlve been logical. i wish your words could reach me while i felt that much anger. but they couldnt. not paired with the feeling that made me most angry: feeling emotional used by a pretty face.

You do understand that sharing my emotional experience isnt easy, right? If I was a good masseuse, it doesnt make massaging take any less effort.. in fact, probably more. Like talking to you, helping you decompress, trying to get you to understand better emotional habits? That was HARD. REALLY HARD. And then for 3 months I tried to have a relationship alone. Why let it drag on if you werent giving me a real chance? This is where I started to figure out where my true anger was coming from.

My true anger is something that time will not change. No matter what happens in our lives, the true anger is a permanent judgement against your character. it's a black mark I cannot forgive. It's a change of perspective in how i see, acknowledge, and respect you. It is the truth. And it all stems from Faith.

"What do you mean?" you ask. My eyes turning away from whatever I had been longing at to face yours, unblinking.

"Faith. It's a simple word with a very complex meaning. Very unique to each person who says it. Like Love or Sex."

"You remember the day I caught you. I came over and sat across from you, much like this. I watched you flail and cry and beg.. I watched you reach for me. In those moments.. You were the most honest you had ever been. In our relationship, perhaps in your life. You gave yourself up and wept. You wept for me to stay. You told me all your secrets and threw yourself to my mercy." I said, looking away mournfully.

"I had never.. seen such honesty." my tears teared up as I kept talking,

"I didnt know how to approach it, as angry as I was. I was so mad.. but seeing you be... actually honest was... disarming. I had no defense. I saw you for who you were. In all your flaws... in all your pain. You begged me. You exposed yourself and gave me everything and asked for another chance." my tears subsided slowly as I made my small side-glance back to your unwavering eyes.

"Faith. You were honest, but you were honest about being a cheat and a liar. No one in their right mind would want to enter into a bond with a self-admitted liar and cheat. But I had... Faith." the word being almost spit from my mouth, my face gently contorted at the thought.

"If there was one truth I knew about you, it was that you were a hard worker. I had faith that you would take this seriously. I had faith that with your sins laid bare, you could only ascend from that point. And so.. I made a choice." a light shrug followed by the ritual of removing a cigarette from my silver case. a smooth light and a pull later..

"I went against every fiber of my being. every angry bone in my body. every brain cell halting me. I said....'Okay' and that was that." Another long pull and my eyes drifted off to the wall, looking through them to that space that only exists in between everything else.

"And the worst part of all of this? I was right to do it. I watched you turn your entire life around. You started to dance again. you started to work out. and so your body issues became farther and farther away. You started down your burlesque career path. You started looking for better jobs. You found them and you got them. You became the girl I always saw and looked for. I was right to believe you and have faith." a quick laugh and another pull later, I adjusted myself in my seat, shooting a look back at her.

"You werent without mistakes, mind you. you had your stumbles. I couldn't tell you the exacts of them, because that was part of Faith too. It was the idea that I knew you could stumble, but those were to be forgiven if the rest of your progress was noticable enough to warrant it. And it was! You were turning it all around, slowly but surely. Who would I have been to get in the way of your progress by bogging you down at every little thing? I was happy to see you change from this secretive, gaslighting monster into.. into someone happy." the tears streamed down my face faster than I expected. I pulled my cigarette as if fearing the water would put it out. I cleaned myself up quickly, in a meek attempt to conceal it.

"But something we didnt account for was.. how far the damage of betrayal went. It coursed through my veins. it haunted me like a ghost. it STILL haunts me. I was betrayed by who i had loved the most. it was my most venerable covenant with myself. I hated you for it." I took a long drag while looking at her dead on.

"I /hated/ you for it. I was still honestly happy to see you grow and change. but I had a darkness to me that was inconsolable. so much resentment. It was like seeing your favorite, most friendly friend... and knowing they accidentally killed someone over the summer. it was this duality of love and hate. you were my heaven and my hell. I didnt know to negotiate the two." I cashed the end of my cigarette and sat my elbows on my knees, chin on folded hands.

"My true anger. Once it all hit critical mass. once you pushed yourself beyond. after the death. after I started to really abuse your emotions, you measured me. I pushed my last time and much like the man before me, you agreed. I left you and you finally agreed. I was found wanting and it slapped me in the face. In that moment, I saw myself. I finally admitted and saw what I had become. a shadow of myself. a ghost of a kind man grown cold. It was like putting on glasses or a hat that fit. I was shocked. I was cowed. I was ashamed and I was repent. So many feelings at once strangled me and the one that erupted over them all was the loss of you. You were the trigger. You were the harsh truth I needed to hear. I shoot myself through the foot and you were the smoking hole that let me understand I wasnt okay." my eyes looked away shamefully, moving back in my seat. with an uncomfortable adjust, I continued.

"I...begged you. I found myself on the other side of that table, so long ago. caught within my own impulses and my worst behaviors. a victim of my own design. that person i loved and cared for so close and so far. I cried and I pleaded. I admitted my guilt and my sins and threw myself to you like you had shown me." my face contorted in what started as sadness, but transitioned into a crying glare.

"I asked you. with all my shit laid bare. I asked for another chance. I asked for your faith!" my eyes turned away, shaking my head, looking down.

"I dont know why I thought you had the emotional acumen to do what I had done. to give me the honest chance i had given you. hell, I helped develop those skills in you and that was my HARDEST emotional choice. thinking that you would.. that you COULD do that was irresponsible of me. But you said, 'yes.' maybe just to mirror me, maybe because you werent ready to lose me. whatever the reason, you signed a check your heart wasnt ready to cash."

"every misstep I made sent me right back to start. you didn't care that I was making progress. you didnt care I was taking better care of myself or moving towards the things o wanted. none of that mattered. you were done before you knew you were done. you let me.. twist and writhe and letting me make a fool out of myself trying to beg you to allow me the priviledge of courting you. Do you understand how fucked up that is to do to someone you've known for that long who is trying their hardest? I know I had a hard time trusting you originally, but I knew that was /MY/ problem and not yours. I worked on it in my own time and figured it out. you put all of it on me. you FOUGHT ME ABOUT TOM." I was yelling at this point. I tried to calm myself and take a deep breath, but those words rang over and over in my head.

"....you even admitted I was right to think what i thought. that means you admit my warning my legitimate and that means you were wrong to fight me and defend him. that was one of our last fights. and you never realised it wasnt really about him. it was about how you would more likely defend a friend that didnt deserve it, than believe someone who earnestly loved you. you have a Stockholm syndrome with your friendships and I'm tired of pretending you dont. It is not a strength and if you were smart, you wouldnt give away so much power to people you dont fully know. But whatever. I'm not here to advise anymore." another breath. another sigh. the last tirade.

"You gave me a chance without faith. you had no plan to work with me. you had.. no faith in me changing. because you needed me to change in a way that you understood, not in a way that actually benefitted me. Many people have come up to me unprompted to tell me they were impressed by what they had noticed. they still do. they talk about how much better off i am without you. how stronger I am." quiet tears cascaded down. soft, gentle ones. truer than the angry ones.

"...then why dont I feel strong? why dont I feel better off? you didnt.. didnt understand how to have faith in someone. you didnt believe in me. you saw me at my lowest and you turned away from me. all you ever understood was what could benefit you. even now. even with him. it's all about what you can take from it. you're a narcissist. the thing you loved most about me was what I could do for you. how I could take care of you. you monster. you used me. you used my infinite heart and blackened it. I learned nothing from you. that's my true anger. you looked away when I needed you most. you were there for better, but not for worse. I gave you an honest, real chance. what you gave me? it was nothing. I tore your stupid poster down. threw away your stupid clothes. our last talk? you wanting my body and still getting his. I am still the cake you want to eat while already having one. I just exist as someone to take from. I will always exist in your mind as a place to only take. if Death finds you? You will call upon me to take emotional solace. if Chaos finds you? you will call to take stability. I do not exist unless I benefit you. unless I serve. I had served you enough."

everything I was put through after Magnolia was hell. I know I complained about it, but I loved going to Magnolia every time. It was my first home. I loved exploring and going different ways.. seeing my old homes. the old streets. That was where our happiness died.

I forgive you for all the other things, but I can never ever forgive you for losing Faith in me. I forgave you after cheating on me and seeing someone behind my back. you couldnt forgive me after my heart was destroyed and my family died. you are self-centered. In the end, you dont care about others, you just care about how it affects you.

must be nice.

ps. I'm considering leaving her. not for you, but for me. I need something light and meaningless. youd probably fit the bill if you werent so embroiled in your own selfish gains. but I'm sure the feeling of anyone filling up that space in your bed in your wrecked room is good enough. whether you know them for a few months or 8 years.

[haectemporasunt]

26, 32, 33, 39, 43, 44, 50, 10??, 4, 35

26. Favoritepsychological Horror Movie

Ah geeze already a tough one right off the bat.  Um uh I’ll just choose one:

The Babadook! I thought it did a great job of showing the stress the mom was under, and I think (though some people disagree) that it kept the kid from being frustratingly annoying. The picture book was very well done, and scary, and I wish there had been more sequences involving it sharing creepy stories.

32. FavoriteAnimated Horror film

I’m blanking on any animated horror films i’ve seen, sorry! I’ll just post this, which did make me jump, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHpuAAnHdEc, but alas i ve failed you :(

33. Scariestnon-horror movie

 Friday the 13th:  slashers aren’t really horror, fite me B)

Snark aside, there s plenty of movies that had scary bits in them that tore me up as a child. how about I put … the pressure chamber scene in License to Kill. The Bond villain knows one of his men isnt loyal so shoves the guy in a pressure chamber meant to get divers acclimated, you know. And the guy is begging and pleading and screaming in agony as the pressure increases. And he knows what’s going to happen, and I as a kid knew something unspeakable was about to happen, and then the Bond villain cuts a tube leading to the pressure chamber, and we have enough time to watch the doomed man inside gaze out as his head swells to monstrous proportions… and then SPLAT, the viewport is smeared red. The man burst.

It’s that the guy had time to know what was happening to him, and the way his head got so big. (shudder)

39. SomethingI used to be scared of that I now love

i hope you’re not trying to get me to admit that, although when i was little i was scared of it, nowadays i think the xenomorph is kinda hot!! because you’re wrong!!!!!

I do like Phantasm a lot more now than I did as a kid. When I was a kid the silver balls killed so brutally and so suddenly, they were horrible. But now that I’m older I guess I’m more used to sudden death happening in movies? I dunno.

 43. FavoriteHorror novel

I ve searched for years for good horror novels, and if anyone has suggestions i m more than happy to hear em! But one of my favorites is still Shirley Jackson’s Haunting of Hill House. Very well written, you get into the mindset of the protagonist, and it’s not very comfortable in there… I also identify a lot with how the protag identifies so strongly with a place and feels increasingly isolated from the others.

44. ScariestDocumentary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-SL4ejpP94&list=PLu3Kxnrkh94_qbd5XYXdzze2AYMh8Gd-_&index=4

i’ve wracked my brain but this is the closest thing I can think of. Real documentaries are scary in the numb real life sort of way where you realize that things are getting worse

not really ‘scary’

but anyway, this vid definitely gave me the creeps!

50.  Scariest movie ever

This is a cop out answer because I don’t know the name of the movie, but it scared the heck out of me. It was a haunted house flick, and a bunch of teens investigating it, and i was sitting their gripping my knees at eleven pm watching them get killed by supernatural phenomena. The glass in the windows wouldnt break so they couldnt escape, and I especially remember one scene where there was the stairwell up to the second floor, and the steps just led up into darkness, pure blackness. And at one point the camera just focuses on it, and we enjoy the tingling terror of waiting–something’s gonna happen, any second now, we’ll finally see the spirits haunting the house– and silence.

and then as the teens, unnerved, turn to walk away further down the corridor, it seems like it was a fakeout. Or, since it was an older cheaper movie, maybe just a straight up error.  And then! One of the teens screams like an animal as she falls to the ground and starts getting dragged up the stairs by something invisible. The other teens yelling and crying as they try to hold on to her– and then, in my memory, it’s fuzzy. On the one hand it seems most likely that they pulled her back, and comforted her, and then tried to escape out the garage or something.

but /i / remember her slipping out of her friends’ grasp and choking as she disappears into the darkness. And she’s never seen again.

and that was the scariest thing i ever saw in a proper published horror movie.

10. ScariestWitch [??]

hmm!!!!

it’s me. i am :3

Eh, well, there’s a witch from a children’s story I heard on the radio nearly twenty years ago, a witch who would turn her victims, animal and human alike, into stone, and arrange them in a stone circle up in the mountains. It was terrifying, hearing her horrid laugh echoing over the howling wind … I still think about her a lot. Even at the end of the story, when she’s turned into stone herself, it’s said her last shrieks still echoed around and around inside the stone circle …

4.    Favorite Scary Short Story

I have a more typical answer, and a better but technically incorrect answer because I never managed to find the rest of the pages of the ripped-up book.

The typical answer is: Room 1408, by Stephen King, because it’s the only short story that’s ever legitimately frightened me. How the room shifts subtly, and then not so subtly, and the goofy-when-you-try-to-describe-it-but-scary-when-I-read-it telephone voice blaring out scary nonsense.

The other answer is:

some years ago I was in my uncle’s home, looking through his books. He and I have a similar taste in literature so pretty much everything was a gem. Uncle did sometimes kinda cram his books into the shelves, though, so some got bent or bricked up by other books–which is annoying if you’re trying to survey all your options. So I was yanking out a couple books, when five or six yellowed pages fluttered out from behind some old tome and fluttered to the ground.

I pick them up, worried I’ve damaged a book. But no: these were free floating, they were the wrong size for all the other books on the shelf. And I read them. And they were a story about a man who was a caretaker for an old house. He was also exploring and investigating it on the side, because–the townsfolk claimed–the place was haunted. He walked the grounds, he found cold spots. Things moved when he wasn’t looking. There were secret passages leading to strange rooms. A weird house, to be sure. But haunted? The man scoffed.

And then, in the second week of his stay, he found he could no longer leave the house. The gate wouldnt budge. He would have to find a different way out, or hope that the woman who brought him food would show up a day or two early. I’m not describing this very well but I assure you the atmosphere was dense–I could feel the stress and isolation of this poor man who was rapidly running out of food, and the growing fear that there was indeed something stalking him through the rooms. He couldnt sleep without a light, but it had to be small so that there’d be little fear of it falling over and starting a fire, and even then he would wake up several times in the night to the sound of creaking floors a room or two over.

I was rapt. This is the sort of thing that happens in a gothic story, a guy stumbling across a scary story in a crumbling library. I remember the man was trying to use one of the secret passages  he’d discovered, hoping it would lead off the grounds to freedom. His light flickers, and there’s something in the tangled ivy coating the dank walls …

And that’s where the last scrap of paper ended.

Boy howdy i’ve searched a long time for the rest of that story!

35. Scariestgaming experience

We werent a gaming family, my brother and i, until highschool nearly. The first game that scared me was JumpStart Adventures 4th grade: Haunted Island. it is an edutainment game. Yes, i am rightfully ashamed of my fear.

The island in which the game is set has multiple pathways between the minigames, all dark paths in groaning woods, your feet clattering over crumbling bridges, ghosts whirring past, howling and heavy breaths coming nearer… luckily for me, because i got easily lost both in real life and in game spaces, the game would auto-move you if you clicked on a map the minigame you wished to get to. So you click, your character clipclops along, takes a left, a right, etc, Boom youre there.

but one day, I x’ed out of the map and couldnt figure out how to get it back. this was halfway through a ‘move’ and in trying to get it back i stopped my character mid-travel. So. for the first time in the game i was really deep in the woods with no idea how to get anywhere. i was trembling, i had to keep going, but in what direction?

i kept moving, and i would jump every time a ghost popped up, and (do remember this was a time pre-gamefaqs) i was in deadly fear that something was following me. as far as i knew the game could actually do that.

my parents gave up on me playing the game because the Big Bad of the game, a witch (scary, but not the scariest), flew into the clearing i was in in order to give me a quick minigame, and when she burst into view i screamed out loud at three oclock in the afternoon.

i did not have a good first impression of fourth grade.

and the worst thing to me was not just my cowardice at giving up but, the goal of the game is to save your classmates, theyve all been transformed into monsters. so when i stopped playing i had in essence abandoned them on that haunted island.

i preferred the ClueFinders games anyway, haha