#they sure talk about cannibalism a lot for fun to prank the others

[cottagedreamy]

They're such a good duo...Pls let's talk about them more.....

[ellestra]

Time to burn

I have suspected TVA was evil from the beginning and the way they would punish people for braking the rules they had no way of knowing even existed was proof enough. If something as mundane as being late for work make you pruned it hardly seem fair. But back then it seemed like pruning was just death. It turns our it much more horrifying than that. The TVA just dumps them to trash - out of sight, out of mind - so they can eaten by a monster that sucks out the time of their bones leaving only ruins behind. Everyone they prune and all who are in the range of reset charge just fed to Alioth or cannibals or, I suppose, dying of hunger. They feed people to a monster to get rid of them. That's evil. That whole place is evil.

At least the ones like Ravonna Renslayer who know and still value status quo over the truth. She always knew what happens after pruning. She knew she was sending countless beings into horrific deaths. And even after she learns that Time Keepers are a lie and the whole building a paradise of that garbage heap is bunk she wants to bury the truth. Sure she wants to know what the TVA is really about and who created it but not to rock the organisation. She is in power here and she doesn't want to rock the boat. This system works for her so she wants to stop anyone from disrupting it. After all she's not the Variant being chased to death and that all that matters.

This is a contrast to other TVA agents who learn the truth. Even if she didn't know before Ravonna learnt for Hunter C-20 they were all Variants but she just buried it with her. But Hunter B-15 and Mobius react to the horrifying realisation that they've been lied to and have been used to abused others with wanting to make up for it. That's the difference between the good and evil. Unlike Ravonna they don't hide their crimes - they tries to atone for them. B-15 helps Sylvie and loki fight the Time Keepers and uncover how deep the lie goes. And Mobius tries to save as many of the very people he prosecuted before as he can. And most importantly he apologises. He apologises to Sylvie for his role in helping TVA hunt her.

Because even when you did something bad in error - because you were lied to and indoctrinated - the people you hurt are still hurt. This is the difference to someone like Grant Ward who hid behind excuses and blaming others and someone like Mobius and Loki himself. I've seen so many people just going on about how all Loki did was the fault of his upbringing and Odin and he's just hurt but he is still the one who did it. His childhood can be an explanation of the person he became but it's not a justification. Hurting people (from trying to kill Thor to all the people on Earth) was still on him. And we see in this series that he doesn't try to justify it so don't do it for him. This is the big part of the growth - taking responsibility.

I often complain about lack of accountability in Marvel stories - especially from superheroes themselves - and it was really nice to see the characters taking time to try to make up for their mistakes at least in the TV series.

It's nice that let us see both sides of it in Lokis. They are all burdened with such mistakes and we see how those who learnt nothing from it keep repeating the same mistakes even as that brings them closer to annihilation. Those who learnt from their mistakes get a chance to show their growth. Something TVA tried to take away from them. Another one of that organisation's crimes.

And it looks like each Loki got there in their own way proving that their improvement wasn't all that unlikely as there were many paths leading to it. Kid Loki killed his Thor and I'm pretty sure that was one of Loki pranks going wrong. We see it in our main Loki's face when he hears that. In many ways Loki has always been a lot like Nebula. For all the talk about killing the sibling it was always more about wanting to be noticed and appreciated as equal. The main thing about all those attempts to kill was that they were not supposed to succeed. How can you gloat to them if their dead? They just wanted to win. So I think the reason Kid Loki helps other Lokis is to have a replacement sibling for the one he lost. Someone to hang with and not try to kill. It turns out the killing wasn't really that fun.

I'm not sure what makes Alligator Loki care besides pool and wine but if I had to guess it's him having Kid Loki and willing to kill everyone in the room even looking at him the wrong way.

Even though the Classic Loki is prone to fatalism of their inability to change we can see that he already did. He hangs with the Kid and Alligator without betraying them so he can have the companionship he missed. He saves them when push comes to shove. And in the end he also saves Sylvie and main Loki and the day. He was the hero already. He just didn't believe in himself.

But the part that really made me irrationally upset is that Old Loki never got to reunite with his Thor. He blamed himself for all the bad things that happened and let Thor believe he died. And when he tried to reconnect TVA came. All I could think at that scene was Thor during the Infinity War and Endgame - completely devastated by that loss and never learning he isn't alone. Neither of them even knowing how much the other missed them. It makes me so angry.

This is TVA crime I cannot forgive. As Loki has said it the first episode and as Mobius promised to help with back then burn the whole place. Now Loki has given him that spark and it's time to burn it all down.

[wipodu-ao3]

Watchtower of Horrors (Stories that Hiccup Laughs At) - a HTTYD fanfiction

Read it on Ao3. Join the Discord!

A Cannibal Hiccup AU, it’s never actually addressed though.

Summary:

Scaring Hiccup with scary stories is their plan. Hiccup laughing at the stories? Weirder things could happen.

Chapters: 7    Words: 8,159 

[Complete]

“This is a stupid idea,” Astrid complained as she sat down.

When Snotlout suggested that after the harvest feast they all have a bonfire, on one of the old watchtowers, it didn’t seem like a bad idea, but when they got there he insisted that they ‘Honor the upcoming winter and the darkness it brings with it,’ by telling scary stories. Which was stupid. They were vikings, little could scare them, they live through too many battles, too many missing limbs, too many blood thirsty dragons.

Well, the dragons weren’t a problem anymore, hadn’t been for about four years. Some of the Hooligans were okay with that, no more dragon raids meant less death, others lived with the fear that the dragon raids will come back and no one will be safe.

“This is a great idea,” Snotlout countered. “And the scary stories are not for us, they’re for Hiccup.”

“Hiccup isn’t even here,” Fishlegs pointed out and threw a long onto the burning fire.

“He will be,” Snotlout promised. “I invited him. But look, we –“ he gestured to himself and the twins who were sitting next to him, “- have been thinking –“

“Not a good idea,” Astrid stated and crossed her arms as she stared back at the now glaring Snotlout.

“Very funny Astrid,” he rolled his eyes and continued to explain. “He acts all tough now, but I guarantee that he will be trembling in fear when he leaves here.”

“He lived through losing a limb, do you think ghost stories are going to scare him?” Astrid asked.

“Here comes Astrid, trying to defend her boyfriend,” Ruffnut teased and a second later had to dodge a rock Astrid found near her feet and decided to throw at the smiling girl.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” She growled a frown overtaking her face.

“You do think he’s hot though,” Ruffnut continued without fear. A deep blush joined Astrid’s frown.

“Okay!” Astrid yelled, giving up on denying for feelings and hoping a change of subject world work. “What kind of stories do you want to tell him? He’s not fifteen, trolls don’t scare him anymore.”

“I don’t think he was scared of trolls in the first place,” Fishlegs added. “When Gobber told us about them, Hiccup decided to search the forest for their hiding place while I didn’t step foot in the forest for about a year.”

The gang grew silent, trying to think of things that would scare Hiccup. Hiccup had changed a lot in four years, the start of the change could be traced back to when he insisted that he shot down a Night Furry during the very last raid Berk had. When no one believed him, he gave up. It wasn’t instant, his change, it happened gradually.

First, he dropped out of dragon training after a few too many brushes with death, no one opposed him on that decision, they thought he finally admitted his fear of dragons was bigger than the need to prove himself. Then, he started spending almost all of his free time in the forge or in the forest, he also stopped trying to make his crazy inventions that destroyed Berk on occasion. He also started disappearing way more often, not that anyone noticed at first.

They first noticed that Hiccup disappeared more often when the dragons from the academy escaped. It happened the day after Astrid was chosen to kill the Monstrous Nightmare, it seemed like the dragons had broken out by themselves and Berk went into lock down, and Hiccup was nowhere to be found.

At the time, Stoick and basically the whole tribe feared he had been taken by the escaped dragons, but they held out hope that he had just wandered off somewhere. When asked when they had seen Hiccup last, no one could answer, the best answer came from Gobber who said he had seen the boy a day prior.

Search parties were made and vikings went into the forest to try to find him. For hours nothing was found and the worst was assumed, then Gobber decided he was going to go out one final time before night fell.

Gobber came back a few hours into the night with an unconscious Hiccup in his arms. Hiccup was alive, but his left leg was gone. Gothi had managed to save Hiccup’s life, after he woke up Hiccup told the tribe that he had went out to the forest and was attacked by wild boars who ripped off his leg when he tried to defend himself by kicking them. When asked about the various burns he had sustained, he said that he was carrying a torch and when he fell, the torch had fallen on him and made the injuries.

The tribe believed him. Why wouldn’t they? Hiccup was extremely clumsy and unlucky on a good day.

The missing leg was the biggest turning point for the boy. After that, he stopped responding to the bullying Snotlout and the twins put him through. He became more confident in himself, but he didn’t stop going into the forest, sometimes he disappeared for days at a time, but managed to show himself in the village before anyone could ask where he was.

One day the gang finally figured out why he went into the forest that often. He was training himself. That day Snotlout had decided that Hiccup had gone long enough without a prank pulled on him, and found a rotten chicken egg and decided to throw it at Hiccup just because he could. That did not end well for Snotlout, as Hiccup had caught the flying egg and threw it back at Snotlout before the boy could react.

The fact that Hiccup couldn’t have seen the egg in time, because he had been reading a book, and the fact that a huge bruise had bloomed in the place that the egg made contact with Snotlout proved two things: somehow Hiccup had developed a super-fast reaction time and he was strong. Stronger than his lean figure suggested.

The gang considered their theory confirmed when one hot summer day, about a year after the egg incident and a few months after Hiccup’s growth spurt, the gang had decided to get their weapons repaired. Hiccup was the only one working the forge as the hot weather made it hard for Gobber to work easily. And that day, Hiccup had been without his tunic and the gang had been shocked when they saw his visible muscles, and various scars that could’ve come from tree branches and poorly handled weapons.

After that, the gang had been certain that Hiccup’s disappearances were because he was training in the forest. They had tried to get him to admit it, but he didn’t budge. They tried to get him to join their friend group, yet he remained distant, he hung out with them sometimes, but they didn’t actually know that mush about him.

That brings it back to the dilemma at hand. What would scare Hiccup? No one was close enough to him to say with certainty that they knew.

“Oh!” Fishlegs finally exclaimed and started rummaging through his satchel that he brought with him almost everywhere. “Maybe this will work, I bought it from Johann a few days ago.” He pulled out a fairly small book from his satchel and handed it to Snotlout.

“’Tales of the Dragon Master’” Snotlout read. “Isn’t the Dragon Master the guy that appeared when the dragon raids stopped?”

“Yes, Johann said that the Dragon Master is active in the other parts of the archipelago and that this book was written by someone who compiled all the stories that people told about him.” Fishlegs confirmed. “Johann warned me that some of the stories were not for the faint of heart.”

A sinister smile made his way to Snotlout’s face. He looked the book over, it was a decent size, and it would be perfect. The Dragon Master was a legend to Berk’s people, mostly because no one from Berk had ever seen this man, but the few stories that made their way to Berk were not very nice. Stories of the Dragon Master killing with the help of dragons were prevalent and if the book had stories like these it would surely scare Hiccup, as he would often leave the room if the Dragon Master was talked about.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late,” came Hiccup’s voice. The gang jumped, no one heard Hiccup walk up the steps of the watchtower as they were studying the book in Snotlout’s hands.

“You’re just in time,” Snotlout assured him as he sat down in the last available seat that was near Astrid. “We just decided to pass the time by reading a new book Fishlegs got recently.”

“You and reading?” Hiccup raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Astrid failed to hide the smile at Hiccup’s question that was so similar to the one she had asked prior.

“It’s a great idea,” Snotlout snarled, the jabs at his intelligence were starting to annoy him. “But it is a scary book, so if you’re going to be too scared we could do something else.”

“Bring it on,” Hiccup smirked with a roll of his eyes. The challenge in Snotlout voice was clear and Hiccup had nothing better to do, so watching Snotlout as he failed to scare him was a fun way to pass time.

“But first!” Tuffnut interjected, “What kind of bonfire would this be without mead?” He asked and gestured to a barrel he had hidden behind himself.

He also had some cups hidden next to it, he took them and started filling the cups with mead and handing them out to everyone. All of them had already tried mead at least once, so this was not a novelty, they were nineteen after all and had first tried mead long ago.

“Okay,” Snotlout set down his cup next to himself and rubbed his hands together, he cracked open the book. “Let’s start”

[scaryshortstories]

The House

The old, battered house on the corner of Upland Drive and West Street, at the edge of the village I grew up in, always had a grim fascination for the children in the neighbourhood. There were all kinds of playground rumours about the nature of its occupants, from a family of cannibals who plucked unsuspecting victims from the street after midnight, to a lonely old man who had a crazed look about him and who could be seen peering from the upstairs windows on occasion, terrifying passers by with his unblinking stare.

Of course, the temptation to terrify your peers was too much to resist, and so my friends and I would, on occasion, be forced, on fear of humiliation, to sneak up to the front door, ring the doorbell, and stand on the front doorstep for as long as we dared before running off. I think the longest I managed was about 10 seconds before the indescribable noises growing louder from within the house became too terrifying to bear.

Another story that was passed around by the youth (and some of the parents, who frankly should have known better) was that poor Tom Brand, a timid child only a year younger than I was, who had died of some rare incurable childhood disease, was actually snatched by whomever occupied the creepy old building and was never seen again. Nobody really gave any credence to this theory, but it certainly added a frisson to the dares and challenges that occupied so many of the locals in the days before you could scare the shit out of your mates with a YouTube video.

Many years later, for reasons which aren't important now, I found myself back in the village, which was now more of a town, and while the creepy house was still there, and still seemingly occupied, it was no longer on the edge, and was overlooked by an estate that had appeared on what used to be fields on the other side of the road. The building had a charm about it that was accentuated by its condition - maintenance work had clearly been carried out throughout the years, so there were boards nailed over gaps in the tile roof to maintain a semblance of weather proofing, and broken window panes had chipboard stapled to the frame from within. There were still plenty of weeds in the garden, and no real lawn to speak of, yet it wasn't totally out of control.

I decided I would photograph the building, out of a combination of curiosity and nostalgia. I suspected many of my friends from the time we all lived here would be grimly fascinated to see how little it had changed in the intervening years. I took my phone out of my pocket and grabbed a quick eye level snapshot. Looking at the photo, I noticed a face in one of the upper windows. I'm not the sort of person who believes in ghost stories, so I looked up and, sure enough, there was someone watching me from upstairs. He looked like a frail old man, with wispy grey hair, watery eyes and thin lips, but there was a keen sense of intellect behind his face. He didn't look the least bit creepy; quite the opposite in fact, and gestured to me to wait where I was before disappearing back inside.

A few moments later the front door opened, and he appeared, grinning. 'Nick, isn't it?' he asked. "I remember you well - always out photographing things that nobody else noticed. I can just about forgive you for those doorbell pranks; I was young too once, hard as it is to believe, looking at me now." He waved his walking stick to emphasise the point. "You've hardly changed a bit!"

It was a while before I recognised him. "Mr... Anderson?" I offered.

He grinned. "Yes! Well remembered! Seems I haven't changed that much either!"

Mr Anderson had worked at the primary school I went to. He wasn't a caretaker as such, but he was quite handy with tools so would often help out with maintenance work where needed. From what I understood he volunteered his time for free - it gave him something to do in his retirement, and saved the school some money through not having to hire contractors to do the work. Looking at his house, and the state it was in, I was surprised to find that its occupant was someone who really ought to have been able to take more care of it.

He must have read my face and guessed what I was thinking. "I know, I know, I really should take more pride, right? But I have my reasons... hey, why don't I put on the kettle, and I can tell you what's been happening since you and your family left?"

I checked the time on my phone, hesitated for a few seconds, then thought, what the hell? Opportunities like this don't present themselves every day, and the chance to get to the bottom of all those unsavoury rumours and put them to bed was hard to turn down. I nodded, and walked in.

He showed me to an armchair in his front room. The interior of the house was pretty much what I expected from the outside - it was showing its age, but functional, with the minimum effort expended on every piece of repair work. Peeling wallpaper had been ignored, but socket in the wall had a screw missing but had been gaffer-taped in place. A hole in the wall where the light switch used to be had been covered by a piece of cardboard, and there was no bulb in the bare light fitting, suggesting that this room was not used much, if at all. The chair I was sat in had a distinct smell of age, and several holes in the upholstery had been darned up, but it served its function and was surprisingly comfortable.

I could hear the noises of Mr Anderson preparing drinks from the kitchen at the back of the house. "Tea or coffee?" he shouted back. I chose tea; I'd usually prefer coffee but didn't want to gamble on his choice of instant.

After a while he came back through with two cups, a pot of tea and a plate of Custard Creams. He poured the tea and placed the biscuits on a table in front of me - "Help yourself," he said, "I know they were your favourite!" When he saw the question on my face, he grinned and added: "Oh they were everyone's favourite back then!" That was a fair comment, so I helped myself to a couple. They were a bit soft, and had an odd metallic aftertaste, that I put down to age.

The tea was good, as was the conversation. Mr Anderson (it turned out his first name was Jens; he was Swedish by birth but had lived in England for as long as he could remember) told me all about the pranks he had had to endure back when we lived in the village. Doorbell ringing in the middle of the night, groups of children standing outside his house then screaming dramatically and running off when he went to the window to look. He would often receive unpleasant packages through the letterbox, and I started to feel a bit sorry for him. He had done a lot of good work for the school, and how had the children repaid him? When I mentioned this to him he was philosophical: “oh, you were just kids, and you needed to have your fun. If it wasn’t me it would have been someone else, and I’d rather it were someone who could handle it.”

I asked him how come his house was so unkempt when he was so good with his hands. He stared at me and I worried I’d overstepped the mark. Then he laughed, “Ha! I’d ask the same question! You see, the thing is…” 

I blinked hard, more than once. My head was starting to spin, and his voice was beginning to sound distant. He didn’t seem to notice my discomfort and carried on talking, gesticulating around the room as he spoke. Eventually I lost all the strength from my muscles, the teacup fell from my hand and my head started to drop. As my eyes began to close, I was aware of Mr Anderson looking at me intently, before standing up and walking towards me. Then the night descended.

I woke from a dreamless sleep. Moonlight was streaming in through a hole in the wooden board that was stapled over the window. I was lying down in what seemed like a bed, but with no pillow, so my head was tilted down against the mattress at an awkward angle, but it wasn’t painful like it should have been. I had no awareness of my body, and couldn't detect the position of my arms or legs. In my peripheral vision I could see a blanket that seemed to be covering me up to my neck,

I couldn’t move, and all I could see in front of me was the silhouette of what looked like a child’s head, no more than a few inches away from my face. The hair was patchy, backlit by the moon, but the face was hidden by the darkness. I closed my eyes again and fell back into unconsciousness.

I woke again a few hours later - I knew this because the moonlight had moved across the wall slightly. It must have been striking a mirror as it was reflecting onto the face of the figure opposite me. I couldn’t see much, but immediately I recognised the features of Tom Brand, the boy who had been taken from us so cruelly young. His face hadn’t aged at all. Were the stories true? I remembered his funeral - did they have an empty casket? Questions started to buzz around my head like flies around a corpse.

The thing that looked like Tom opened its eyes and I would have cried out but was silenced by what else happened. My eyesight seemed to shift so that instead of just seeing what was in front of me, I had a fully three-dimensional awareness of the entire room. I wasn’t seeing from a single viewpoint, but was somehow seeing through both Tom’s eyes at the same time as my own. Fear rippled down my body; what was happening? How was this possible? Was I still dreaming?

The door opened and the light was switched on. Mr Anderson looked at me. “Now you can find out what I do that keeps me from my household chores!” he said cheerfully. He lifted the blanket covering both me and Tom from the bed. I didn't even have to move my head - our four eyes could take in the full horror of what was now lying on the bed.

My naked torso had been fused at the waist to Tom’s, which was covered in scars and wounds. Our four legs emerged at unnatural angles from below our hips. As Tom regained consciousness I became aware that I was sharing his thoughts and memories and could now remember, as though it had happened to me, the day Tom had been playing Doorbell Dare on his own and had waited just a few seconds too long on the doorstep. Mr Anderson had opened the door, yelled “you fucking kids!” and knocked Tom clean to the floor with a cricket bat. Memories of unspeakable experiments with the human anatomy blurred into each other as Tom’s brain had tried to block out the horror. And now he finally had some company. 

My mouth opened in a scream, but no sound came out. “Oh, no use trying to make any noise,’ said the old man. He held up something in his hand, a jar with some form of human body parts inside. “I’ve gone to the trouble of removing your vocal cords.”

Tom and I watched, with all our three dimensional awareness, as Mr Anderson placed the jar with my voice trapped inside it on a bookshelf alongside other jars of body parts. He walked over to the abomination that Tom and I had become, checked my pulse, flashed a torch into my eyes, nodded to himself, wrote in a notebook, then left, turning the light off and returning us to our eternal night. 

[romantinkerbell1709]

101 Ways To; Piss Off and Annoy Marvel Heroes and Villains

Note; Performing any of these acts against any superhero is likely to get your nose punched. So…run fast…

 1.        Swap out Spider-Man’s Web Fluid for Silly String.

2.        Hide Director Fury’s eye patch, then-

3.        -Blame it on another Hero that would do something the like as a joke and run for the hills.

4.        Give Beast a razor as a present (not specifically birthday).

5.        Give Spider-Man bug spray as a present (not specifically birthday).

6.        Give Black Panther a ball of yarn as a present (not specifically birthday).

7.       Give any cat name/related hero a ball of yarn.

8.        When Black Cat or any other cat related hero is sitting on the couch, spray them with water and say “No” or “Off the couch”

9.        Carry a Paint Ball gun around and use it on the Invisible Woman at every chance.

10.   Carry around a paint ball gun in general and use it on anyone at any given chance (Stay out of sight and use it on someone that won’t shoot back).

11.    Repaint Tony Stark’s Iron Man suit in “girly” colours.

12.    Take Captain America’s shield-

13.    -Repaint it in “girly” colours.-

14.    -This will also piss of Agent Coulson...

15.    ...And Fury.

16.    Ask Black Widow if she often reverts to cannibalism after a one-night stand, then run screaming (because if and when she gets the reference she will most likely kill you).

17.    Ask any hero a question and keep asking “Why?”.

18.    Fill Nova’s helmet with water and say you thought it was a bucket.

19.   Do the same with sand or dirt…maybe even all three…aka; mud.

20.    Hide someone’s, anyone’s, mask or weapon...probably not Mjolnir...

21.    Do anything annoying to make Fury angry then run for the hills (honestly, not that hard)

22.    Take Spidey’s web-shooters and go play.

23.    Prank any hero you can successfully run away from.

24.    Buy Nova a birthday Bunny and put it in his room.

25.    Ask Wolverine if you can borrow his “knuckles” to make dinner.

26.    Use a flying hero as a taxi-

27.    -Continuously ask, even if they say “No”.

28.    Ask for Thor’s help and get him to place Mjolnir on any sleeping hero.

29.    Blackmail! In exchange for keeping identities secret.

30.    Ask Spider-Man if he’s afraid Black Widow will eat him and hope he doesn’t revert to sarcasm too quickly (It ruins the fun).

31.    Give Wolverine dog biscuits at any time.

32.    Get a leash for Wolverine and tell him you’ll take him out for “walkies”  every day.

33.    Literally leave him out in the yard with a dog house when the term is called for.

34.    The old whipped cream and feather trick, use this on the Hulk (you might just get away with it if it is cream…)

35.    If you can, or with help, reprogram Stark’s AI so that it does the opposite of what he asks (Be sure to change it back when he’s in the Iron Man suit, otherwise there could be some messy results and maybe a lawsuit)

36.    Hide Spider-Man’s homework.

37.    Or say that Wolverine ate it.

38.    Laugh maniacally in front of anyone and don’t stop, even if you have to run from them.

39.    Ask Iron Fist if he can crush diamonds or if they’ll cut him.

40.    Give Spider-Man a plate of dead flies and tell him to eat up-

41.    -It doesn’t have to be specifically flies.

42.    Give cat Heroes mouse pie-

43.    -And cat toys.

44.    Also, give squeaky toys to canine related heroes (like Wolverine and such)

45.    In your mind, shout out the lyrics to “Barbie Girl” by Aqua or something just as annoying, and keep doing it, so that the mind readers can hear you.

46.    Wash Spider-Man’s suit with a hint of bleach so it either comes out splotchy, pink or both.

47.    Dress up as a ghost and “haunt” someone.

48.    Dress up as a hero and convince others that you’re them or-

49.    -Be the “smaller them” and follow them around all day.

50.    Use a dog whistle in range of canine heroes and run.

51.    Just sneak up on anyone and scare the life out of them (or hope you can sneak up on them).

52.    Continuously knock and run at Spider-Man’s house.

53.    And Xavier’s school…if you’re fast enough…and daring enough.

54.    Wax or slick the floor then call for Quicksilver and step out of the way.

55.    Ask Thing if any of his family live/work, in/near a quarry.

56.    Ask Thing if his biggest fear is bulldozers.

57.    Ask Strange how “his hands are today.” (expect repercussions)

58.    Ask Hawkeye if he’s sure he can hit anything and keep asking.

59.    Ask Hercules if he misses his friend Aeolus and have a good giggle at his expense (if you don’t know the character, refer to the Hercules TV Series)

60.    Call Fury “Captain Pirate Fury” and say “Aye, aye, Captain” whenever he gives an order-

61.    -Ask if he or everyone gets the day off on National Talk like a Pirate Day.

62.    Ask Steve why he calls for Bucky in his sleep.

63.    Find intimate Fan-Fiction between Steve and Bucky and show it to them and ask them if it’s all true.

64.    Find a live hawk and show it to Hawkeye. Tell him you found him a friend and then-

65.    Take out some bird seed and ask if Hawkeye if he wants any.

66.    Paste Captain America pictures and posters in Tony’s room, making sure one of them is a questionable Fan production.

67.    Have a discussion with Thor about his rumored obsession with his brother, then-

68.    Ask the brothers if the rumours are true, and finally -

69.    When questioned about said rumours, feign unknowing and walk away innocently.

70.    Have a clinical discussion with Loki about his need for domination.

71.    Hide Loki’s Staff in Thor’s Room, then run for popcorn and watch the feathers fly.

72.    Bring Thor into the game by having him pin Loki on the floor by his cape using Mjolnir

73.    Have Thor pin Loki’s staff using Mjolnir.

74.    Tell Loki his new nickname is “Goat” or “Ram”

75.    Tell Fury that Tony is hiding something from him…in the Hulks pants…

76.    Tell Deadpool that Tony want to give him new weapons – then RUN

77.    Tell Deadpool that Spiderman DOES love him, but is too scared to tell him.

78.    Bring Deadpool into the game and tell him to spray Ant-Man and Spiderman with “bug spray” whilst screaming about bugs and them being bugs (just make sure the “bug spray” is non-toxic)

79.    Replace everything metal in Magneto’s base with plastic replicas.

80.    Turn the star on Bucky’s arm into a flower.

81.    Ask Fury where the explosives are usually kept, then casually make your way there, occasionally mumbling or laughing manically, then -

82.    Leave fake explosives around the Hele-Carrier for people to find.

83.    Start singing obnoxiously loud, obscene songs at the most inconvenient moments.

84.    Put itching powder in Spiderman’s gloves or in his suit.

85.    With help, paint up Stark tower in “girly” colours and change “Stark” into “Stank”, then-

86.    Re-programme the AI to call Tony “Mr. Stank”.

87.    Re-programme the AI’s voice so its pitchy and swears a lot.

88.    Ask Vision what is like to date a girl half his age, then-

89.    Call him a paedophile and run away screaming about it.

90.    Ask Tony how many children he has now, then say you thought you saw his younger self earlier that day.

91.    Ask Loki why he thinks Thor is obsessed with him and if he returns his feelings. At this point, it would be smart to run like hell.

92.    Ask Scarlett Witch if she’s dating the man who dresses like a Grandfather.

93.   Lock someone in a round room and tell them the key is in the corner.

94.    Ask Spidey if he’s seen the FanFiction about him and the Green Goblin.

95.    Three words – Deadpool, Spiderman, FanFiction.

96.    Lock someone in a dim/dark room and tell them that the key is in there somewhere (or possibly on you, outside the room...)

97.    Ask Wolverine how good Beast is in the bedroom then run for your life (can be used vice-versa with varying results)

98.    Tell or ask Wolverine if he knows about Deadpool’s obsession with his “Smooth Criminals Down Under”

99.    Steal Negasonic Teenage Warhead’s phone and hide it in Deadpool’s bed with Deadpool’s Mr. Unicorn.

100.   Steal Deadpools Katana’s and Mr. Unicorn. Leave a ransom note threatening to use said Katana on said Unicorn (some running required)

101.    Hello Kitty the Hele-carrier.

I realise that not all of them are probably that funny, but I hope you enjoyed reading this and had a few giggles at least.

=)

RTB

[the-bejeesus]

Uta is really cool now that I think about it.

     So back before I read the Tokyo Ghoul manga, when I had only watched the anime, I would lurk around and I’d occasionally find other people that had only watched the anime that were obsessed with Uta. I’d usually ask them “What’s so interesting about the guy?” and they’d be like “I don’t know; something just tells me he has a history and I’m really urking to find out what it is.” I should tell you right now that if you are that person R E A D  T H E  M A N G A. I didn’t realize it until now but the Tokyo Ghoul manga is really satisfying for an Uta fan.

     I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Uta becomes a main character in the manga; but because the Tokyo Ghoul manga is way longer, we get to see way more Uta and that mysterious history y’all anime Uta fans have been wondering about gets revealed and, trust me, it’s way cooler than whatever you imagined his past is. I don’t really know how to go about describing how cool it is so I’m just gonna go about it in chronological order.

     So first we have early Uta. This Uta is from the 90s or 2000s; there’s no specific date but that’s what it’d probably be considering Uta’s age. So the events of Tokyo Ghoul haven’t happened yet is my point. Anyways Uta is dressed edgy as ever but his design has a much angrier tone because he’s a much angrier person. He’s all like “square up bitch I’m super tough.” So he’s a ghoul in one of the more dangerous wards but he’s all kicking everyone’s asses and everything and causes a mess. He’s bein a big dick guy like that for awhile but eventually an equally tough guy called Yomo comes around and is all like “hey dick stop pretending to be Batman. Everyone around these parts knows I’m Batman.” and Uta’s all like “You wanna go tough guy! Fucking fight me bitch.” So they do these really badass fights with each other for a few weeks and eventually they come to mutually respect and how badass they are. Slowly this mutual respect becomes a friendship. Then Yoshimura comes along and he’s like “hey how about you two badasses work at Starbucks it’s like really gay” and Yomo’s all like “I’ll work at Starbucks with you but don’t give me a job where I have to talk to people because people suck because I’m dark and brooding.” and Uta’s like “I won’t work at Starbucks but I understand why you want me to be gay, because I’m causing too much ruckus, so instead I’m gonna make masks to give to ghouls.” So he sets up this mask shop in that peaceful ward and he stops getting on national news. He meets this old lady that was also making masks and she was like “You’re a pussy because you make masks for ghouls but you are a ghoul. I’m a human and make masks for ghouls. That’s because I’m edgy and am willing to take that risk.” And Uta’s all like “whoag that’s pretty edgy mah dude. Hey you wanna help me make better masks?” and she’s like “homies help homies. Yeh niggy.”

     Fast forward to when Tokyo Ghoul’s happening. They’re at that Aogori base doing three-way war shit. We find out that Uta’s mask persona is No Face. H E  H A S  T H E  M A G I C A L  A B I L I T Y  O F  S H A P E  S H I F T I N G  A N D  N O  O N E  K N O W S  W H Y. Also, almost like Noro but not quite as powerful, he can get stabbed and shit a whole fucking lot and not die. He’s also a member of the clowns. They’re an organization that has no goal but is also responsible for everything including Kaneki becoming a ghoul. When Kaneki goes white-haired and things get boring again for Uta and the people of Anteiku. So Uta finds this fucking Uta fangirl that dresses edgy like him and has her as a mask apprentice. But he’s always like “no you can’t be my apprentice” to tick her off, because that’s what edgy friends do to each other. Uta’s like “I wanna learn knitting,” and goes to that old lady we saw earlier to learn how to knit masks. She shows him and they hunt down this ghoul family thing for some reason. It turned out that edgy old lady was married to a human cannibal that raised three ghouls. Edgy.

     Fast forward to Tokyo Ghoul:re. Since Anteiku is boring and also doesn’t exist. Uta thinks “Hey Roma. You know how you’re a cinnamon roll? Well you’re also a clown ghoul like me so let’s sell people.” Then they start selling people. Haise is all like “sop right now you’re under a breast.” and Uta’s all like “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!” and then he gets stabbed a lot, and the reader almost assumes he died but then the reader remembers he can survive getting stabbed a lot. Sure enough we see him at his mask shop again. Haise gets sent his Kaneki mask and Haise goes up to Uta and is all like “did you make this ghoul mask that is almost but not triggering my memories and shit?” and Uta is all like “yeah, it’s a pretty edgy mask isn’t it?” and then Haise is like “are you using your ghoul eyes right now?” and he’s like “nah I tattooed my eyes wtf you gonna do, disprove that?” and then Haise is like “let’s be best friends. Then Uta goes up to Yomo and he’s like “I’m a ghoul that’s best friends with a CCG investigator, tf you been doin pussy?” Later Haise becomes Kaneki again and Uta joins his goats shit. But he’s still a clown who’s side he’s on is kinda mysterious. Later Kaneki gets the white suits and starts making chaos all across Tokyo. So Uta decides to have fun with it and fight some people. He goes up to Juuzou with his face looking like Shinohara and he’s all like “hey Juuzou I’m Shinohara.” Juuzou is tricked for a moment but then stabs him. Uta runs away and goes to Tooru. Before he can even prank Tooru, Tooru stabs him also. Then he changes into Haise and he’s all like “oof ow why’d you stab me, I’m Haise.” This makes Tooru stab his face into complete mush, but then she gets a huge boner and takes her shirt off and starts ridin him. Despite having his face getting turned into complete mush, he’s still alive. He goes up to Yomo with his broken face and he’s all like “I got laid last night by a CCG investigator tf you been doin?”

     So yeah, Uta’s story is pretty damn badass. In the anime, he only made Kaneki’s mask and then there was that scene at the bar and he was all like “hey Yomo, we have a pretty good backstory this anime won’t show, right? hehe.” There’s a lot of characters in Tokyo Ghoul that are like this, where their manga story is way more badass than their anime story. Arima, Furuta, Chuu, Yomo, Koma, Juuzou, really almost every non-main character in Tokyo Ghoul has a badass story in the manga version.