#they seem so nice :( im just shy
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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currently repeating "you are under no obligation to be good at the things you do for fun" to myself over and over
#this is in relation to dnd lol#i was trying out a new group and the dm seemed nice enough#and ive been interested in playing bards for a while so i said i might play one#and he went hard on ''oh you're the face you're the face'' and im like what if i just like the concept and don't want to be the face#is that ok my guy#and then i got scared out of playing a bard because im like oh well sometimes i just dont know what to say in a situation#and i just listen to other people talk so clearly i cant play a bard#but i was watching a dnd youtuber and she was talking about shy roleplayers and she gave some good advice but also ultimately said#you're under no obligation to be good at what you do for fun#and honestly? so true#anyway im not playing in that campaign because i think that while the guy was nice#his expectations were like. critical role levels and its like buddy im just here for a good time im not entertaining the masses lol#im having a hard enough time not beating myself up over my regular campaign all the time for no good reason lol lets not add onto it#lol anyway today i made myself a little eladrin bard who loves painting with her magic paint brush#and she sits next to my changeling warlock as characters i will play eventually#personal
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had another date with them yesterday morning and I CAAAAAAAAAANTT THEYRE SO FUCKING HOT AND CUTE AND CHARMING UUUUGGGHH!!!!! Their eyes, their smile/laugh, their nose, their shaggy punky wolf cut mullet.......just OUGH 😍😍😍😍😍
There were a couple different instances where I said something and they would agree or laugh and touched my leg playfully as they did ajfjgnsk which of course made my touch-starved idiot gay brain short circuit.
And I was paying specific attention to their accent while we were talking and it's so fucking endearing I'm freaking obsessed 😍💙💙
#dating life#I cant tell what it is it sounds almost midwestern to me but im really bad at placing accents tbh#Whatever it is it's very very charming 🥰🥰🥰#Their new haircut is very cute on them!!#They have the most captivating icy blue eyes I've ever seen 💙💙💙#Their smile is literally like a millions bucks I'm just 😍😍😍😍#BBBBRBRRBRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I feel like I'm GOING MAD FR IM LIKE FERAL AS FUCK RN#AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THEM TOUCHING MY LEG AJFKGJSBDJKDJNSK#The first time they did it their hand stayed for a second before they quickly pulled it away & they seemed almost shy or awkward about it#I think they worry that it made me uncomfortable (cause ive told them it takes me a bit to warm up to physical affection)#and yeah I'll admit I kinda froze for half a second & if I did come off as awkward or panicked it's just because my brain had a short#I really really love that theyre getting more comfortable around me to start to be physically touchy or playful like it's truly so sweet#But also when they took their hand away it took everything in me not to tell them that it's ok they can have their hand on me if they want#I genuinely really like the small gesture of affection but my gay brain had a moment of dial-up & tbh I forgot how to behave like a human#So that's why I may have seemed awkward or like I froze up over it it's just because it was really nice to experience#babes I promise you didnt overstep my boundaries im just an awkward gay disaster & you make my brain go haywire 😍#anyway#dating tag#my thoughts
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Every so often on the subreddit or on insta people laugh about how Rose and Blanche are so sexual and kinky and Dorothy is so uptight and vanilla and not to take fiction too seriously but uuuugh she spent 38 years with the same man, who was cheating on her wnd only having sex with her rarely - sex that she didn't enjoy or look forward to, if you listen to her descriptions of her first time Stan at best pressured her and at worst raped her via alcohol and roofies, she's from an immigrant Catholic household and has been shames for decades over her sex life/pregnancies and then her lack of sex life, made to feel ugly and undesirable since she was young, and there's significant subtext around her being a closeted lesbian. Seriously, when you pay attention it's wild realising that the queer jokes about the girls are very different: Blanche's are sexual, in line and based around her being promiscuous and just enjoying the physical act. Rose's are indirect and usually coming off of a joke about one of the others. Dorothy is literally just outright repeatedly assumed or implied to be gay.
Anon, I have to say, I was very perplexed by this message -- not because of what you say (which I agree with completely!!) but because Dorothy... really isn't uptight about sex? If anything, she strikes me as particularly liberal about it, even at the start of the series. She can be a bit shy about it, I guess, but that makes perfect sense with her personal history, as you have detailed.
I wonder if the subreddit remembers that she had a relationship with a married man in S1E14, That Was No Lady? And when she talks about sex with him in that episode, she says stuff like:
"It's amazing that I just made love in the daylight. [...] Well, you can't hide anything in the daytime. At night, I could be Godzilla, you'd be thrilled.
[...]
And everything that I used to worry about in… you know, I didn't worry about with you. [...] Like, how do I look? How do I sound? Is my breath bad? What's jiggling?"
Which doesn't sound uptight at all, to me -- it sounds self-conscious, which is (once again) perfectly normal, considering everything she's been through. Let's remember she also had an emotionally abusive relationship right before she got involved with Stan, and she wasn't a very popular kid/teenager in the first place! The poor woman's self-esteem has always been on the floor.
If anyone, Rose is the one who's somewhat prudish at the start of the series! We know she had a happy and active sex life with Charlie, but back in S1 she can't even say the word 'sex' (she says 'to be with a man in that special way'). She's remarkably shy when they talk about this kind of stuff. Hell, I watched S1E9 Blanche And The Younger Man yesterday, and she's scandalized about the idea of her mother having a relationship with a younger man -- not to mention her attitude towards her daughter's sex life in S2E7 Family Affair. If I had to pick one girl in the main cast to call 'uptight', it would be S1-S2 Rose. I'm not sure what the subreddit is on about.
Apart from all this, I also agree with what you say about the queer subtext and how it relates to the Girls, of course. I think the main type of queer joke in terms of frequency is the 'these three women live together and have a close bond' type, but Dorothy is definitely read as gay much more often than Rose and Blanche (even by her own mother!!). I often wonder what the writers would have done with her if the show had been made later; a self-recognition and coming-out story line would have been very in line with her journey as a character in the show as it is! Her story is all about learning to know herself, to love herself and to have confidence in herself, overcoming everything that's happened to her, and I feel like that's the kind of story that lends itself well to queer themes. Still, the show as it is allows for a lot of fan analysis and content on her, so I can't complain!
#i'm honestly really confused by the interpretation of dorothy as uptight. shy? yes. inexperienced? sure! but uptight?#i guess it's because she doesn't get around much?#but i mean... neither does rose? she has a stable boyfriend for all of seasons 5-7? and she doesn't date around much even before then#i guess everyone seems vanilla compared to blanche. but rose isn't kinky at all?? lmao?? am i missing something?#idk i mean. dorothy's had her fair share of physical relationships! glen is one example#but there was also that one episode with the guy everyone was attracted to#and she's fairly open about the fact that her sex life with lucas is great. they even named it!#so im really not sure where this comes from? she's a romantic and she prefers to have an emotional connection to people before the act#but that's a pretty normal approach to sex? doesn't seem uptight to me#sorry for spending so much time on this im just... really confused lmao#but your points on queer subtext are great too!! i very much agree!#oh btw: are you my lynnie greene friend? if you are i hope you're having a nice trip!#and if you're not i hope you're having a lovely day!#do send me more thoughts if you have them! i'd love to read them!#the golden girls#dorothy zbornak#ask
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-_-
#frankie fucks about#its not even like i dont like people or whatever. like when i can engage in it its usually nice and fun#but like. even other people w autism or social anxiety dont seem to Get that i dont want to be anywhere that didnt ask for Me Specifically#i cant really force myself to be social and i cant push past feeling uncomfortable like other ppl can. i am Painfully shy and anxious#like on some level i know i have to put myself out there for anything to change . but i am Incapable of that i mean it.#i dont start conversations for a reason . because im awkward and terrified. it feels like im forcing some unnatural.#blegh idk. i just wish people understood that it has never been easy for me and if it ever will be it wont happen for a While.#to phrase it beyter i cabt just Turn it on or Walk into it like other people can. even other ppl w social anxiety!#i am someone who is Incapable of being anyone other that myself (tism) so i cant act or lie or fake it.
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HELLOOOO HOW THE FUCK ARE YALL DOING I HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING DAY
#SO. THERE WAS THIS EVENT/FESTIVAL THINGY GOING ON THAT I WENT TO AND IT WAS REALLY NICE I RAN INTO A BUNCH OF PPL I KNEW N GOT LOTS OF HUGS#N THEN TOWARDS THE END THINGS WERE SORTA WINDING DOWN BUT I JUAT WANTED TO HANG AROUND CAUSE IT WAS A NICE DAY OUT YKNOW#SO I WAS JUST SITTING ON A BENCH AND THIS GIRL COMES UP TO ME AND SHES LIKE HI MY FRIEND OS REALLY SHY BUT SHE THINKS UR CUTE#AND THEN SHE HANDS ME A FUCKING LETTER(!!!!!) FROM THE FRIEND THATS LIKE HI I LOVE YOUR SMILE AND YOU SEEM COOL AND I WANNA BE FRIENDS#AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#SO IM LIKE THATS FUCKING ADORABLE WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR FRIEND OF COURSE I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WHAT THE FUCK#SO SHE TAKES ME TO HER AND THE GIRL IS REALLY FUCKING NERVOUS AND CUTE AND AAAAA WHAT THE FUCK. SO ANYWAY I GOT HER NUMBER#AND THEN LIKE RIGHT AFTER SHE WALKED AWAY I RAN INTO ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE AND IM LIKE DUUUUUUDE UR NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS N I TOLD THEM#N THEY WERE REALLY HYPE WITH ME N WE HAD OUR LITTLE !!!!!! MOMENT AND YEAH. HAVIN A GAY ONE YALL 👍💞
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im heavily considering bangs but i have no idea what kind would look best also im so tired i had customers till after close and then the guy who does maintenance came back to like do something idk what he even did but i had to stay a little longer cause that too
#also like idk whats up with him#he's very nice and seems kinda shy but like he only talks to me?#and like its probably like cause i was the one running stuff when he first like came to our store to do things#and it was like his first day#and he's very nice and polite and sometimes i cant understand him cause he has a thick accent i think he's like from Louisiana?#but the entire time im like chatting and talking and its the same feeling as like talking that guy in your class who sits next to you#and you make conversation cause ur acquaintances but its also like i dont know what he wants out of this#if he just wants casual conversation yaknow pleasantries or like more yaknow#also we never have a whole lot for him to do#so he was painting the like posts infront of the store so people dont back into the door#and he sanded the like water spout behind the building cause it was sharp and he's like dont want anyone getting to hurt#and i neverr know if its cause like he's supposed to be at the store for like x amount of time#or cause we let him hang out in the ac and give him stuff that we were getting rid of anyways#he's so peculiar
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i wish i wasn't so shy
#the bin#theres a party happening where i work tomorrow after close. i really like my coworkers but i cant make myself go#im so tired of being home alone all the time but :/ the coworker i dont like isnt even gonna be there so i wouldnt have to deal but :/#i just cant. i know at least most of my coworkers like me but. hhhh. the thought of going makes me super anxious#i dont know why it makes me so nervous. but the fact ill definitely have to see all these people again doesnt help bc if i seem weird its#a permanent fumble. until i move at least.#i can be normal in work settings because i dont HAVE to talk. i can focus on working and i think that actually makes people see me as very#professional. it certainly did at my last job. and where i work now im always tryna make sure if theres stuff to be done that im doing it#and asking. whenever theres nothing to do i feel so awkward and bored. a few of my coworkers are nice to talk to but we only talk bc they#have nobody to talk to. when its more than 1 other person then those 2 people usually talk to each other and i do nothing#idk. this sorta thing isnt the kind athing everyone likes doing but it feels like the kinda thing i would actually enjoy if i wasnt so shy#its weird to me that i was able to push past some of my social anxiety in order to get a job. but that only happened bc i was fully forced#to. and i procrastinated it quite a bit. i forced myself to deal with stuff previously so i could go to the store and that was the same case#i fully tan out of food and drink for 3 days before i finally forced myself to walk to the store out of pure necessity bc i HAD to#since the ppl i lived with refused to go to the store even tho i was out of food#and now i do those things fine. i get kinda anxious but its really fine#but i cant force myself to do other things. it sucks so much#well. it doesnt matter.
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man,,,
#marine myths rambles#in the tags#dating app diary#i feel so bad bc now that i AM getting matches on these freakin apps i have to Talk and Make Conversation and ideally Meet Up and its like..#suddenly i am Not In The Mood actually. to talk OR hang out. n i feel BAD bc these seem like nice ppl!!! who id love to at least befriend!!!#(i have bumble n im not listed as looking for anything particular so friendship is in fact an option)#or maybe even smthn more!!! but like. idk why suddenly as soon as i get a match its like '...oh. hmm. idk if i wanna talk actually' 😭😭#like if i had to guess id say its my gd OCD avoidance response thats making me not wanna do the Hard Thing (Talking) but its also like...#...do i rly wanna meet My Person this way?? CAN i rly meet my person this way???? like so much of my whole desire to date someone is like-#-getting along suuuuper well as friends n being able to click personality n humorwise n shit n THEN im like 'oh id love to date this person-#this person'* im not retyping all tht lol#but being on an app kinda takes tht away for me?? ig im just not made for like. online/internet dating :V#bc i think that Click has to be like. In Person for me to reach that point yk?? like i could click w ppl online n be friends fine!! but like#if we meet in person and that irl interaction isnt like the online interactions (which its usually Not just bc of the nature of Online..)#and we dont Click the same way... its like... man... i dont think we can be romantic partners WHICH I FEEL BAD ABT bc its like.#i dont wanna lead anyone on... so it sucks if we click online but i dont feel that same Click in person 🥲🥲#idk maybe im just not emotionally ready to date?????? ugh ig ~24yrs of being single'll do tht to a person 🥲🥲#feel free to dm me w like. advice or smthn if u read all this n have smthn to say 🤷🏽♀️ i cant guarantee ill respond (bc im shy 🥴)#BUT ill def read n consider ur words i prommie (also sometimes i dont respond bc idk what to say 😖 but im not ignoring i see u n i hear u)#(not in a creepy literal way. in a figurative way.)
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hellooo!! im not sure if your requests are open so feel free to ignore this but i was wondering if you could write for tasm!peter where the reader just got her wisdom teeth removed and she’s all loopy on anesthetics and forgets peter is her boyfriend? i saw this video where this girl got her wisdom teeth pulled and forgot she was dating her boyfriend and fell in love with him all over again😭😭
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR7sGQo5/
thank you for your request! ♡ fem, 1k
"Here she is," the nurse says gently, walking you out with his arm behind your back. "Alright, say hi to Peter."
"Hi, Peter," you mumble, eyes on the floor.
Peter grins at you, worry warm at the back of his throat. "Hey. Is that everything?" he asks, nodding at the nurses paper bag of aftercare.
"Everything you'll need." The nurse helps Peter take over, hoisting your arm over his shoulders before stepping away. "Alright, feel better, okay? And don't hesitate to call if something comes up. We're here to look after you."
You seem appreciative in your fog, but it's hard to tell. Peter curls his arm around your hip and gives it a soft rub as he leads you to the stairs. Whoever devised the floor plan here had murder on their mind —the second floor is completely inaccessible. Luckily, Peter has a lot of strength at his disposal.
You can feel it. "Woh, you're strong," you murmur.
"You know that already." His grip on you tightens, pretty much carrying you down the tight staircase.
"Do I?" you ask. You make a sound like you're hurting, a squeak.
"I'd hope so." At the end of the staircase, he sits you down, worried you're not feeling well. "You okay? I can princess carry you if you need me to."
You look at him with wide eyes. He turns to check there's no one standing behind him, but you're really looking at him. "What?" he asks, touching your knee, imploring. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"You're Peter?" you ask.
Ah, the amnesiac effect of anaesthetic. His touch turns comforting, stroking your thigh with as much care as he can drive into his palm alone. "That's me. Hey, if you're forgetting me, does that mean you're not mad at me for last Friday anymore? 'Cos I know you said you forgive me but I can tell it still pisses you off–"
Your eyes fall to his hand. "Why would I be mad at you?" you ask.
"I finished the milk and put the carton back in the fridge, even though I promised I'd stop doing it. You see the jug and think there's milk left. We were gonna have macaroni and cheese..." He nudges your fingers with his. "Are you okay? You don't look like yourself."
"What do I usually look like?"
"Not so, you know. Daunted."
"You're really handsome," you whisper, refusing to meet his eye.
"Oh, you think so?"
You nod like your head is too heavy. You're embarrassed, you sweetheart, oh my god Peter could cry into your lap.
"Let's get you to the car, baby."
"Where are we going?" The gauze gives you the world's most adorable lisp, and it turns your gasp into a hum as Peter stands you up.
"Home."
"Together?"
"Yeah, we live together. It's a nice place, and you're a great decorator, you know? It's cozy."
"Thank you," you say shyly.
You're not not shy with him, but it's been a long time since you got so quiet over a practically innocuous comment. He wants to see how you'll react to real compliments, over the top stuff that he one hundred percent means. It's a little mean, but when will you ever be like this again?
He helps you out past the desk and onto the street to your car where it's parked a half a block down. "Don't worry about all this, okay? I'm gonna take such good care of you, sweetheart. There's an ice pack and a brand new comforter with your name on it waiting at home." Peter smiles at your starry eyes as they flash to his, amazed at his simple plans. "How does that sound, beautiful? Is there anything you want before we head home? Anything that would make you feel better?"
"You're gonna take care of me?" you ask breathlessly.
"That's my job. That's my number one boyfriend duty."
"You're my boyfriend?"
"I am!" he says happily, laughing as he speaks. "For a while. I've been trying to take things further but you're always really shy about getting married–"
"You want to get married? To me?"
Peter presses a soft kiss to your cheek. "You're the only person I'd ever want to get married to. We already picked the flowers–"
"We did?"
He laughs again, all your questions. He loves regular you but loopy you is especially endearing. "Last time I got super drunk, yeah. You never let me forget it."
"So you love me?" you ask, stopping short.
"I love you so much," he says immediately, hugging you into his side. He dots another kiss against the top of your head. "You should remember that even if you don't remember me."
"I love you," you say quietly.
Peter doesn't know if that's your memory returning, or if you've fallen in love with him in the last fifteen minutes. He could easily fall in love with you that quickly, and yet he's still amazed at your confession.
"That's good. That's great. Thank you, sweetheart," he says, desperate to hold your face in his hands but weary of causing you future pain. "There's your car," —he points, lowering his head to yours to make sure you can see it, hand now protectively held between your shoulder blades— "let's go home now. Yeah?"
You start walking again at his requests. He can pretty much see the steam rising off of your face, giddy with happiness at these revelations. You're together, you're in love, and you think he's handsome. He wonders what you'll have to say about his biceps in this state of delirium; you go crazy for his arms sober.
Which reminds him.
"I totally have another secret to tell you," he says, unlocking the car as you approach and helping you into the passenger seat.
"What is it?" you ask.
Peter closes you in and skirts around the door, climbing into the driver's seat. He's glad that New York is as ridiculously loud as ever, because not even the closed doors or your sodden gauze can smother the way you shriek.
"My boyfriend is Spider-Man?!"
#tasm peter parker#tasm peter x reader#tasm peter parker imagine#tasm peter parker x you#tasm peter parker x reader#tasm x reader#peter parker x reader#tasm!spiderman x reader#tasm!peter x reader#tasm!peter imagine#tasm!peter parker#tasm!peter parker x reader#tasm! peter parker x reader#spiderman x reader#peter parker oneshot#peter parker blurb#peter parker imagine#peter parker x you#peter parker x y/n#spiderman x you#spiderman fanfiction
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so after about a month of stability in the main tank ive decided to try and introduce GBRs again. I've opted to get a slightly larger/older pair than previous, hoping that they will be a little hardier. Both of them have arrived and look supremely healthy which is really relieving, since the last pair i got one was very pale and sad and the other had a gill issue. They seem super lively and are already curious about everything in the tank, I'm just hoping they dont pick on my little ember tetras. I've already decided if they do bother my tetras too much, I'll move them to my 30L temporarily and i'll rehome them.
I've also decided to add back some kuhli loaches, as the ones atm are a little shy, so im hoping bringing the numbers back up will help them be more confident!
#im still legit heartbroken that my baby gbr didnt make it#I was so emotionally attached to that ram#also i forget how TEENY kuhli loaches are when you get them first#like these guys are SO SMALL in comparison to the ones in the tank atm#which is like nice cause it means my lovely loaches are keeping well#other than their mystery illness#which the ones left seem to have either been untouched by or completely recovered#the new filter is doing a good job so i wonder if there were just ammonia spikes#shrimp are also doing so well!#the tetras are super shy atm but are gainin a bit of bravery#otos are like totally fine as usual#i got worried they werent getting enough to eat but they seem totally fine#i give them daily algae wafers and they eat those so i think theyre legit fine#i wish i could put them in my 30L that is literally full of algae atm i feel like theyd love it#but alas#tank updates
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I need to start posting the deranged things I think about on a daily basis instead of pretending like I’m well adjusted bc I ! Feel like im losing out on so much good shit to share w you guys because I don’t wanna be too manic but I’m going back to my roots no beta readers no full fics just absolute channeled horny
tw incest, coercion, grooming ish
Satoru nii who calls you into his room to help out while he’s already snuggled under his blankets, flush working up his neck. asks you to go here and there and please just hand him that water bottle and his phone he’s just so comfy rn and you’re so sweet you will, right? you’re a good little sister right? thank you for helping him!! but wait don’t run out yet
yea he’s holding onto your wrist and his palm is all sweaty and he looks too hot under the duvet but just slow down, he’s been thinking. you bend weird at the waist when you’re picking things up you know? can you show him how you do it? doesn’t matter that you’re just wearing an oversized shirt to bed, he’s not looking at you like a guy looks at a girl silly. just do it again for him. and while you’re at it, show him your tummy and the inside of your thighs
he’s not being weird, just making an observation. you look so womanly now, don’t you? you’re no longer the little tike storming into his room at the most inopportune times. yea, he’s flushed, he’s a little sweaty- don’t worry about it. you can sit on his bed, sit right here next to him. why don’t you lean in to let him see something. oh, yeah, your lips have become fuller too, they’re soft and plush and if he squeezes between his long fingers, doesn’t that feel sort of nice. weird, but nice right?
he’s got all kind of things he can show you. you’ve really been pretty sheltered sure, but he might be able to teach you a few things. it’s just satoru nii, you trust your big brother don’t you? you two love each other and you’re close. how about you stay right there as he sits up and let him hook his chin over your shoulder, like that— and now let him check something. it’ll feel a little strange but he’s just checking. because his hands just seem to fit soooo much better on your chest, look at that. you’re sooo cute arent you, so cute with your tits in his hands as he squeezes them. you ever notice how soft your body has become? yea, you’re way softer than big brother is, look. wanna feel? feel his strong shoulders and his arms and thighs. you’re so sooo much softer than him, he doesn’t wanna stop touching you.
he just wants to see without the shirt real quick, just for a second. it’s only weird if you make it weird you know, he’s your brother. let him see real quick, please? just a second. just slip - your shirt over your head and let him look at you just like that. you’re so cute and pretty. yea you are pretty, you really are. maybe he just loves you more now you’re not such a brat, but doesn’t it feel good like this? hm? doesn’t that feel good?
and do you wanna see something funny too? yea, come here, give him your hand. it’s really funny look, you made your big brother hard as a rock. don’t be so shy, it’s just because of all the touching! you’re siblings, don’t have such a spaced look on your face — you can touch him. doesn’t it feel nice to be so close like this?
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❛ON CAMERA❜ ( h. hyunjin )
p. camboy!hyunjin x fem!reader w. 1.4k
warnings? masturbation, unprotected sex, filming, dirty talk
— 𖦹 ( hyunjin catching you watching you his stream and invites you to joing ) !
authors note. this was supposed to be shorter but i got carried away.
when you moved into your apartment your roommate made it clear what he did for a living— he was a camboy. You didn’t care though; rent was cheap, he bought most of the food and cooked, and he was nice — but curiosity eventually got to you and you looked up his name.
the first time you got off to his stream; you could barely look him in the eyes. Eventually you got over the embarrassment, using his stream as your main source of entertainment to make yourself cum on your fingers; he was completely unaware to your slightly perverted ways— well at least that’s what you thought.
much like many nights before, you found yourself spread out in your bed, laptop next to you; headphones in and your hands in you short, slowly rubbing your clit as hyunjin stroked himself, reading off certain comments.
“fu-fuck you want me to go faster?” *strokes faster* “if I go any faster im gonna cum all over myself.” *faster* “fuck i wish it was you i was cumming all over.”
that last sentence made you moan, quickly biting your lip so he would hear; moving your fingers faster as you worked towards your orgasm along with him — completely unaware that hyunjin knew what you were doing and he had known, and he was smirking.
He found out after using your computer, stumbling across a tab you kept up, clicking it and to his surprise— it was his account that popped. he thought it was cute, watching you struggle to look at him the next morning after a stream, stuttering over your words when he handed you a plate of food.
he's always wanted to fuck you— the moment you moved in; you were just so precious, you were a little shy and timid, slowly warming up to him, he was obsessed but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but listening to your moans from the other side of the wall, it seemed like you wanted it to.
“fu-fuck.” he whimpered, squeezing himself, the comments telling him to slow down; edging himself. “wo-would you guys be upset if i bought a guest.” he groaned, reading the comments.
fuck please it would be so hot.
i wish it was me.
im jealous
he smiled, knowing that last comment came from you. “good, i already know she’ll say yes.” he groaned. “she such a precious she’ll look so good on camera.” he stroked his cock faster, his cock twitching in his hand, he was about to cum. “and i know she’ll be a good girl for me on camera, cause she’s such a good girl for me in real life -shit- listens to everything i say.” he groaned. “oh fuck im about to cum.” the thought of him fucking you sending him over the edge. “fuck im cumming” his load shooting from his tip, landing all over his stomach
shit he’s so fucking hot
he came so much this time, must be thinking of that mystery girl …
when can we see her?
“you can meet her tonight, if she’s finished making herself cum on her tiny fingers while watching me, and just come into my room.”
your heart stopped— he was talking about you? he knew you were watching him? he wanted to fuck you— on camera nonetheless. “oh fuck!” you squealed, feeling yourself cum without warning. he smirked, his cock twitching as he heard you cum. “you guys can’t hear her right now, but she sounds so cute when she cums.”
fuck please go get her.
god i want to hear her now
fuck i wish it was me.
“you see that baby?” it felt like he was staring at you through the screen. “people are waiting for you, you don’t want to keep them waiting, do you?” you shut your laptop, slowly getting up; your clothes disheveled, opening your door, making your way down the hall to his room.
he heard your little knock on his door, his already hard. “there she is, told you she was a good girl.” he said. “come in baby.” you opened the door, standing in the walk way nervous. “don’t be nervous pretty girl.” he beckoned you in. “everyone is waiting for you.” he said.
you finally got the courage to walk to him, standing right in front of him. “good girl, let me ask you this.” he said toying with your waistband. “do you want to be filmed, because i’ll turn this camera off and fuck you privately, I don’t want you doing anything you aren’t comfortable with.”
That alone made you whine. “it-its okay.” he smiled. “then come sit and say hi.” he patted his lap, you slowly sat down, sitting on his cock, he groaned. “fuck princess, want to rip these clothes off.” He kissed your neck. “say hi to everyone.” You moaned as he bit down on your neck, working on your shorts. “h-hi.”
she’s so cute.
fuck I wanna watch her cum.
god he’s so lucky.
“i am aren’t i?” he pulled your shorts down throwing them on his bed. “get to see this cutie everyday.” he spread your legs, cursing in your ear. “such a pretty pussy.” he propped your legs on his, making you lean back. “look how pretty her pussy is.” you felt a wave of pleasure on your mound as he cupped your cunt, you moaned out. “hy-hyune.”
he sunk his fingers into your pussy, his fingers covered in your juices from your previous endeavors. “so wet for me baby, isn’t she so wet.” You heard all the donations coming in. “cant wait to have you on my cock.” You tightened around his fingers. “hyune im gonna cum.”
“should i let our good girl cum?” he said. “or should i edge her for being a bad girl and getting off to me like a little pervert.” You whined, wiggling in his lap. he slapped your thigh; making you stay still. “be good.”
make her cum please
edge her.
make her cum on your cock please.
“that’s a good idea.” He pulled his fingers out. “please.” You whimpered. “don’t worry princess you’ll get to cum on something better.” hyunjin wasn’t even worried about the camera. “sit up for me baby.”
He grabbed his cock, stroking it. “sh-shit, sit on my cock baby.” You moan, slowly sinking down. “hyune.” You moaned out. “fu-fuck princess keep going, you’ve taken most of my cock already.” He grunted as you sat down fully on him. “there we go, took me all the way.”
He held your hips, bouncing you on his cock. “fuck yeah princess, your pussy is so good.” He groaned. “I bet everyone is so jealous right now, that I get to fuck this pretty cunt -fuck- fill you up with my cock.” His hand came up to your tank top, pulling it down, squeezing your tits. “fuck hyunjin!” you screamed. “louder, let the viewers know how good im fucking you.”
“s-so good.” You moaned. “so deep.” His hand came to your clit, rubbing figure eights on your clit. “yeah, gonna cum for me.” You nodded. “gonna cum.”
fuck let her cum
shit she sounds so good.
i wanna watch both of you cum.
“fuck im gonna cum too.” He grunted. “when we’re done with this -fuck- im gonna turn this camera off and fuck you until you’re running from cock princess.” he moaned. “cum for princess.”
He spread your legs open, your thighs shaking, the knot in your stomach snapping, you gasped for air as you felt your juices pour out of you. “fuck hyunjin.”
she squirted fuck
so messy.
“fuck you made such a mess.” He moaned, his cock twitching inside of you, keeping you still as he fucked up into you, chasing his high. “gonna cum, where do I want it?” he tapped your clit. “you want it inside?”
“yes please.” You cried out. “fuck im cumming!” you felt his load shooting inside of your waiting womb. “shit.” His cock slipped out of you, giving the viewers a shot of his cum leaking out of you. “next time i want you to keep it inside for me.”
He grabbed your jaw, turning your head kissing you deeply. “you liked that?” he pulled away a fire still in his eyes. “y-yeah.” He smirked. “good , cause im not done.” he turned to the camera. “that’s it for you guys tonight.”
“but not for this pretty girl here, im gonna fuck her until her pretty little body gives out.”
©️LUVYENI
#kpop x reader#kpop smut#stray kids x reader#stray kids smut#skz hard hours#stray kids hard hours#stray kids hard thoughts#skz hard thoughts#skz smut#skz x reader#skz fics#skz fanfic#skz x female reader#stray kids scenarios#stray kids fics#stray kids fic#hyunjin imagines#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin scenarios#hyunjin x female reader#hyunjin fanfic#hyunjin smut#hyunjin hard thoughts#hyunjin hard hours
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hello hello lovely! so the other day i donated blood for the first time and i felt perfectly fine the whole time but then like ten minutes after i threw up with like no warning?? (im fine now turns out i hadnt eaten enough during the day!!) but anyway i was wondering if you might please do a similar scenario with emt!marauders? doesnt have to be exact of course 💗 love you!
Oh I'm sorry that happened to you babe!! Thank you for requesting <3
cw: mention of past blood draw, nausea, lightheadedness
emt!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 798 words
You’re bent over so that your head is almost resting on your knees when a pair of shoes comes into your periphery. It seems they’ve sent someone to make sure you’re not going to pass out.
You force yourself to sit up, every muscle in your body feeling strange and overwrought, and oh. It’s three someones. You’d worry your vision was tripling if they didn’t look each very distinct, save for their black EMT uniforms.
The owner of the shoes you’d seen sits in the chair beside you, all brown eyes and kind, gentle features. “Hi,” he says, “I’m Remus. Are you the one who had trouble with the blood draw?”
You sigh. “Yeah.” Give him a small smile you hope looks reassuring. “I’m fine, though. It passed quickly. I’m just waiting for the go-ahead to go home.”
“You got sick?” A second paramedic asks you as he sits down on your other side. This one has glasses and thick, curly hair that falls just above his eyes. The third, with sleeves rolled up to display arms full of inky tattoos, leans against the wall across the hall from you.
You’re not entirely sure which one of them to look at, but you decide upon the boy who’d asked the question. “Yeah?”
His lips tilt with a sympathetic sort of smile. “Probably best not to be walking or driving anywhere while you’re feeling ill, love. Do you feel up to some crackers?”
You take the package of saltines he offers you. Notice for the first time how badly your hands are shaking as you try to tear it open. He notices, too.
“Here, I’ve got that.” He takes it back from you, ripping it open with one easy motion. As he holds it out for you, he says, “I’m James, that’s Sirius.” The tattooed paramedic shoots you a wink.
“Nice to meet you,” you mumble. “Look, I’m really okay. They didn’t need to send three of you to check up on me.”
Sirius laughs. “Don’t worry, babe, no one’s worried you’re going to have a seizure. We’re just a package deal.”
“The staff is all busy with the blood drive,” offers Remus when you still look perplexed, “and we’re between calls. We just thought we’d sit with you on our break, if that’s alright.”
“Oh.” You swallow a bite of cracker. “Yeah, okay. Thank you.”
He gives you a soft smile. “How do you feel?”
“I’m okay.”
“You’re shaking down to your kneecaps,” Sirius says dryly.
“The nurse said you looked like you were going to faint after you got sick,” James tries in a lighter tone. “Do you still feel that way?”
He keeps his eyes on yours, warm and gentle, as you chew the inside of your lip. “I don’t think so,” you say. “Just a bit weird, I guess.”
“Weird how?” Sirius presses.
You shrink some under his gaze, and Remus says sternly, “Sirius.”
“You’re scaring her.” James’ hand lands on your thigh almost absentmindedly as he gives the other boy a faux glare. “Go get some juice. Begone.”
Sirius huffs a laugh, pushing off from the wall. “Pricks,” he says as he goes.
James turns back to you, smile turned up to full wattage. “Don’t mind him. What were you saying about how you feel weird?”
“Just…mostly fine.” It’s impossible not to grow shy under the attention of the prettiest guys you think you’ve ever seen. Remus nods for you to continue. “A little bit nauseous, I guess, and shaky. Just…weird.”
James makes a sympathetic sound, rubbing your thigh. The way you go shock still at the touch appears not to catch his notice. “Yeah, sounds like lightheadedness to me. S’alright, though, we’ll get you fixed up in a minute here.”
Sirius saunters back in with a cup of orange juice. “Look,” he says as he hands it to you, “I even got her a straw to prove I’m not mean. See?”
“I didn’t think you were being mean,” you say quietly.
Sirius grins. “No.” He chucks you gently under the chin. You shrink even further into your seat. You swear these boys are only making your trembling worse. “You never said a bad thing, gorgeous. It’s just these two, they love to tyrannize me.”
“You could stand to be tyrannized from time to time,” says Remus.
“Yeah,” James agrees heartily. “Keeps you from tyrannizing everyone else so much.”
Their easy bantering brings a smile to your lips. Remus smiles back at you, nodding to your orange juice. “Take small sips of that,” he says. “Don’t drink too fast and stop if you start to feel sick again.”
“Attagirl,” James encourages when you raise the straw to your lips obediently, rubbing your thigh again.
They’re lucky the orange juice doesn’t come out your nose.
#emt!marauders#emt!marauders x reader#marauders au#poly!marauders#poly marauders#poly!marauders x reader#poly marauders x reader#poly!marauders x fem!reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders x y/n#poly!marauders x self insert#poly!marauders fanfiction#poly!marauders fanfic#poly!marauders fic#poly!marauders hurt/comfort#poly!marauders fluff#poly!marauders imagine#poly!marauders scenario#poly!marauders drabble#poly!marauders blurb#poly!marauders one shot#poly!marauders oneshot#james potter#james potter x reader#sirius black#sirius black x reader#remus lupin#remus lupin x reader#marauders#marauders fanfiction
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Mystery pick a card (Some 18+)
Since I did a tarot reading poll for my next tarot reading. lets get the rest of the stuff out of my drafts and reach whoever whenever divine pleases. all different type of questions. some 18+, some not. choose what pile you feel intuitively drawn too.
if you fount it on 10/20-21 24 feel free to vote on the poll for the next reading: https://www.tumblr.com/astrow0rldx/764872633973145600/a-tarot-reading-poll-%E0%AD%A8-%E0%AD%A7?source=share
One
18+ who wants to fuck you?
people probably know them. they are very confident, bold, brave. self assured. they are very wishful, they have a lot of ideas. they could be hopeful, and faithful for big dreams. they could be a person who's naturally inspired, or just carries themself that way. looking for purpose. not really immature energy though, like they seem actually goal-oriented and grounded and serene. this person could make money and actually be well known. they might have a busy life or a lot of eyes on them, like they wake up with a purpose, ideas & confidence in their world,shining. leo, sun, solar plexus energy. but also goal-oriented, focused, practical, money getter. receives nice things. the way they may flirt may be cold-hearted, clever, non chalant. if charming then not too vulnerable. could even be a little shy, have anxiety. or maybe traps in their own head when talking, arguing, etc. so maybe quiet. i don't see them as this optimistic person all the time, they could be very down. maybe a lot of loss hopes. maybe focusing on the bad. could be a person to be like awnn im so sad, so they get inspired to find purpose. they find purpose in themself, and their character and life. you could know them for getting through things. like this person could be strong, a wounded healer. signs: leo, cancer, thick hair, ginger hair, nature, fairy/mermaid, coquette, nighttime, rich, spiritual, moon, been in jail, popular, famous, pretty/handsome. good sleep schedule. mourning and sad but strong and hopeful. get through it energy.
Two
18+ their sexual fantasy with you?
makeup sex, remove tension, confusion and conflict with sex. even tease you a bit. if you guys were both going through a lot because of the connection, or your personal lives, they want to move in and just protect you. stand strong and live a happy ever after and forget about the bullshit. they definitely have fantasies about you fucking while living together and different places around the house, marriage and children may be involved. this type of sex they want to give you they want it to be deep, or performative something to make their mark, own you and make you realize about them or you two. they fantasize about moments when they have to hesitate and they don't know, like should i make a move or should i not. should we go right now, or should we not. and its just so much adrenaline and passion between you guys. they fantasize about you being their ideal woman. you even dressing up in dresses for them, putting yourself together. and then they get to see you take it off, take it off for you and take control. they fantasize about this being connective sex though, so not them only doing the work by the way, don't be afraid to add force, strength or bratty. they want to get.. THERE. rough girlfriend sex. if not girlfriend, bestfriend with benefits, fuck buddy type of thing.
Three
hyping you up and calling you out?
numerology number 222 - You thrive in partnerships, value emotional connection, and have a strong intuition. traits like : Harmony, cooperation, empathy, and diplomacy. You may struggle to assert yourself, compromise too much, or fear conflict. traits like : Indecisiveness, over-dependence, and passivity.
Signs: Strong Libra, Leo, Scorpio, Fire Signs. Favorite - Nicki Minaj
Social butterfly, Creative/Inner child energy. ADHD? maybe Balanced, makes clear decisions. Popular girl energy tbh, if your not, express yourself! popularity doesn't matter anyways your bright regardless this is about you, not others. Heavy re-invent yourself type of person, no matter if its what you been through, your look/aesthetic-ness. Who you are, what you do, you are transformative.
You are a warrior, Your strong. You been through a lot but it made you stronger & only balanced you out. Courageous! It's like you have the power to conquer anything because you rise from it, with grace & confidence. No one should be able to take control of your way when you decide to take control. Game of Thrones energy, like you could look at yourself as some type of character, angel or you know what I mean, it adds to your ego & personality about the stuff you went through. Like this is my goddess, I have faced hardship and became a strong, balanced, warrior with angel wings because of that. You are balanced, wise, & fair. You can make clear, rational decisions. Resilience - the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties. You can re-invent your self, and shine in your character. You are radiant, your full of life, and you bring light to everyone around you. Your positivity & energy is magnetic. Success, joy, and happiness is the aura and energy around you, embrace it and feel it.
Your like this clear, smart, rational person who shines bright and has this positive inner child energy about them. You have a lot of energy, and adaptability. Always on the go, always on the move, facing things, experiencing and going through stuff, or just being that way as your personality. Like Momentum is on your side, you move with speed & purpose. Push forward!!!
Four
how to get to your desired reality?
signs - National Olympics Games, Spelling bees, Swimming, NBA/NFL, Competitive things. Competitive work place/friend group/family. song: Candy Man, Planez by Jeremih. book: 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene.
you may want to get away with something. wish you can take something. have a little secret. be a thief, manipulator, sneaky, rebel. something hidden that you want to get away with. this could involve a relationship or another thing you can desire in your life is a relationship. maybe a dynamic of earth sign fem/water sign masc. energetically, a woman who’s stable, has all her material desires, thriving in the physical & reality. with a emotional, caring, loving, mature man. with the 8 of cups outside of that and 7 of swords before you might have sneaky things going on in the relationship that you might want to leave behind. or you might want to leave a relationship for another person. or leave with this person. this could be another desire in your life to just maybe leave something behind, and move on from something.
you probably miss your innerchild. you miss someone you were in the past. a era in your life before. you want enjoy life, take the innocence and playfulness, the creativity & kindness of it all. you probably wish you had more integrity, more real, more logical. you probably wish you were more of a warrior, stronger, control things when it’s unfair. wish you had justice. you wish you were smart, straightforward, and had clarity, can understand things faster and see things through. better communication skills. work hard, you wish you can have consistency and persistence. good work. learn faster. wish you were good in school and your matters pertaining to your education, work, legal matters and children.
YOU GOT TO HAVE FUN THIS WORLD IS YOURS. GET SOME CONFIDENCE AND BRAVERY. take down your haters. make it through any competitive shit and stand on your throne. you control your reality, you manipulate the situation. you gain the control and the power. that means you decide when stuff is done, you leave stuff behind that doesn’t serve your best. and be in peace. SAVE and NOURISH and RESPECT & VALUE your peace. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE put your respect and values to the right things and PEOPLE. your peace can help you understand your wishes and your values and your hopes. and help the tooth fairy to come and help you get it and gain control over the situation. meditate. and WIN 🥇
all you have to do is realize something and have the right discernment and judgement. crumble what doesn’t serve you even if it’s chaotic. bond with the right people and go to/make genuine connections. and that can help you unblock something in you to get here.
Five
How to get to your desired reality?
(same question for pile four)
signs - “Just Do it” Nike. Gigi Hadid, Victoria Secret Modeling, Makeup, Pink. Sexy (Red and Black). Red Room. Leather, Black Boots. Blonde Ponytail. Tumblr Feminine Culture. Female Gaze. Fake Friends. Popular Girl Clique. McDonalds. 4 for $4. Song: Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé. Sippy Cup by Melanie Martinez.
okay you ready to see your work that you put in, the time and investment finally make you satisfied. you probably been holding on to some burdens but your ready for a new life a new beginning something fresh. your ready for the heavy book bag to be off your shoulders life to stop kicking your ass and you can innocently walk into something new. you put in the work and your just waiting till the plants grow and you are thriving and the voids are filled. the happiness and everything you want is there. maybe something that you been wanting to start that you been investing in, caring about is something you see as a fulfillment.
you wish you were more abundant, you wish you were more lucky, you wish you were more physically wealthy. you can receive your wants more easily. you wish you were more of a person that receives good karma and fate. you wish you were emotionally stable and mature and looked at the world differently. and were a better and stronger person to achieve and accomplish.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and celebrate. emotionally go forward and connect with people. But be guarded and self assured. start being kind of selfish and more connected back with self. holding on to things valuing things. be more energetic fast and about that action. start moving and starting. start DOING.
you might have body insecurities. you might have insecurities about your luck and fate. insecurities about time. insecurities about your learning abilities, your studies, your goals and ambitions. insecurities about your emotional well-being, your depression, looking on the down side. insecurites about your procrastination, persistentence, and future. your material stability. your plan and progress your path.
#pick a card#pick a deck#pick a photo#pick a pile#pick a picture#18+ pac#pac reading#pick a card reading#pick a crystal#pac tarot#daily tarot#tarotcommunity#tarot cards#18+ tarot#tarot#tarot community#tarot reading#tarotblr#tarotdaily#tarot deck#tarot witch#astrology community#astrology notes#astro observations#asteroid astrology#astro community#astro placements#astro posts#astroblr#astrologer
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lovely Hii
Can i get poly!marauders x fem reader where maybe she has been exhausted and busy lately and maybe they’re giving her some space cause they dont know if she wants affection now but she sees them all lovey dovey with eachother all the time and she feels sad cause she wants to join but feels too shy to ask so she tries to discreetly slip back and one of them notices?
Im sorry if that is a bunch of gibberish but i have been awake for over a day now and my brain is fried (i hate uni)
thank you for requesting, i hope you enjoy <333
(comments are always appreciated and i literally need to see what you think to keep writing, angels. of course i can't force you to send me anything but it would be amazing if you take two seconds to tell me what you think. it's not always easy to keep doing something without getting any feedback about it ♡)
poly!marauders x fem!reader
the relationship between james and remus has always been somewhat chaotic.
they have huge chemistry, maybe something like opposites attract situation. remus is calm when james is bubbling with excitement, remus loves with silent kisses when james loses his breath as he makes love, remus likes rationality when james swims deep in his emotions.
you watch them flirt as they sit on the couch. you're at the table across them in the living room, staring at your laptop screen with exhausted eyes. it probably would be easier to complete what you've been writing if you could have more energy, but sadly you sit all tense and cold at your place. your arms get the chills, you avoid looking at your lovers.
if you leave the table to join them, james and remus would welcome you with open arms. the mere thought of james's lips against your forehead and remus's fingers rubbing your neck makes you want to cry loudly. it's just torturing yourself, but you don't think you're strong enough to ask for love. you need to get this done. you need to think about the classes you gotta pass.
james kisses a line on his boyfriend's cheek, so warm, remus practically loses his mind. "where's sirius?" james asks, remembering sirius leave for the kitchen minutes ago. "is he burning up our kitchen, do you think?"
"we would've notice."
"no, we wouldn't." james whispers. "you're too damn distracting."
remus melts. autumn always brings starvation for touch and loving, two things james is the best at giving. he looks at your way briefly, your droopy eyes worry him.
"she seems so tired." remus says, his lips kiss james's knuckles mindlessly. "should we say something to make her give a break?"
"she said the essay has a deadline, moons." james answers. "i mean, she clearly needs a break, but i'm not sure if we should interrupt her."
it's hard to decide because you get nervous with breaks sometimes. you complain about not controlling the time good enough when you're spending your free minutes with them and being unable to finish stuff at time. you say most of this teasingly, but the boys know there's always some truth in it.
sirius walks into the room with a big mug in his hands. he carries it carefully to your table. james and remus watch the scene, their hands together and legs tangled.
"here it is." sirius puts the mug on the table. "a perfect cup of hot chocolate for my gorgeous girl."
you look at him with the widest eyes. you can't cry. fuck, he's so sweet. he smiles, he looks so handsome with his old t-shirt and messed up hair. you close your laptop, curve your lips to stop yourself from crying.
"this is so nice, siri." you say to him, unshed tears clog your throat. "thank you."
"um- can i get a kiss? i spend fifteen minutes for this."
you nod with a smile, he leans down for you. you only mean to kiss his cheek, but he smells so good and he's so kind- your hand shakes as it touches his shoulder. it doesn't take sirius long to understand what's going on. he manages to hug you before you start crying.
"oh, baby, no-" he says with a sad voice. he attempts to make a joke. "you can't cry for hot chocolate- i'm sure it doesn't even taste that good."
james and remus sit straight with worry. "dove?" remus leaves the couch. "what's wrong?"
"are you okay?"
you nod, they probably won't believe it. you hold onto sirius, he lifts you up from the chair. it's a proper hug now, your skin tingles with the sensation. it feels so good to be touched.
"it's okay." sirius kisses your head. "you're just overwhelmed. you're okay."
you keep your head on sirius's chest. he's warm and his arms are strong, he supports your body to help you stay on your feet. remus brings his hand on your waist, his thumb gently draws a circle.
"can we go to bed?" you ask. separating yourself from sirius is hard, but it's harder to stay vertical. james extends a hand to you, you hold it greedily. they are all thinking the same thing, you'll calm down but you need to feel safe enough with your surroundings to do that. even though they'd like to keep you stuck in their arms, this might not be the best idea.
the bed is cold. it will pass in a few minutes. remus takes you under the blanket, james adjusts the pillows. sirius has a wrinkle between his eyebrows, he gets behind you on bed and wraps his arm around your shoulder. you sniffle softly, suddenly embarrassed by all the attention.
"sorry." you offer, your voice sounds sincerely sorry. "i don't know what came over me."
"i think we should be sorry." remus says. "jamie and i were talking about whether we should tell you to take a break but- we didn't wanna distract you. we should've distract you."
"it's not your fault that i can't manage my time doing stuff i've been doing for years." you say, weakly. "i'm just sick of being tired. i guess i- missed you."
sirius gives you a generous kiss on the side of your head. "you can jump on us any time you want, you know that, gorgeous."
"i think my head doesn't work like that when i'm exhausted."
"it doesn't have to." james says. his voice is like honey. "you don't have to ask for anything. we should be giving you everything before you even have to ask."
"he's right." remus agrees. "it should be like this for all of us, i think."
you nod. your eyes have a grateful look in them, they are undeniably tired, but still pretty to your boys. the bed is warmer. you force yourself to stop counting down the minutes for deadlines. james puts his head on your chest, hugs you as your back touches the bed, his arms are tight around you like you'll run away.
it's good to be touched. it's amazing to have contact with their hands, safe and secure, you can do anything you want if you always feel like this. remus kisses your fingers. his eyes are gentle. they are all so gentle, kind with you, you feel like you'll never break as long as you have them.
sirius's kisses help you fall asleep at the end. he's always bold with his affections, this time he manages to be softer with his lips and more tender with his hands. long fingers in your hair, chapped lips on your skin. he whispers how much he adores you, the tone of his voice hits your mind so well. you are okay. you think you'll be okay, and that's a nice beginning to get things done.
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