#they seem less keen on destroying everything than my boys but that might also be that they're still kinda nervous or young

[belzebong]

NEW GIRLS ACQUIRED

[prettyboykatsuki]

I NEED YOU EXCITED, I DON'T WANNA FIGHT IT | Y. OKKOTSU

✵ tags ; established relationship, friends to lovers, afab +fem!reader, forward!reader, back and forth power dynamics, dry-humping, hickies / marking, cunnilingus, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, riding. fingering, dirty talk, 18+

✵ wc ; 7.3k (good lord)

✵ a/n ; written with my beloved @princess-okkotsu in mind!! i hope i did your boy justice </3 and thank u for everything literally wouldn't have passed chem w/o you

so not used to have such little warnings on a fic. lol. title is from fire and desire by drake.

✵ synopsis ; yuta wants to do right by you which is why he's so determined to take your relationship slowly. well, he tries too, anyway.

Yuta Okkotsu is a believer of doing things the right way. 

He repeats this to himself like a mantra as he hangs out alone in your bedroom. He closes his eyes, elbows resting on the little table, face buried in his palms. Maybe it’s closer to a form of manifestation - like if he says it with enough hooplah it will mean something more than a jumble of words and syllables. 

He must clarify that he is trying to do the right thing right now. He is trying so very hard to do the right thing because Yuta Okkotsu wants to remain righteous where possible. 

It’s part of his job as a sorcerer, now well into his 20’s and more conscious of the world around him. He’s strong enough to put his money where his mouth is and experienced enough to know that trying to maintain some ethical code is part of staying alive in this business. 

And it’s not that Yuta considers himself particularly upright. His friends and colleagues often tell him that he’s a bit unhinged and hard to get a read on. His morals might not always align with greater society, but he never does something that goes against his own beliefs. A lot of which can be summarized quite easily ; anything to defend his comrades.

It really is so important for Yuta to try and be civil in these aspects. Lest he fall into something truly dark. Even he knows what he’s capable of, at least a little. 

That’s why he’s left with no choice than burying all of his thoughts of you and using every ounce of energy he has to suppress it as deep as it can go 

You know, with all the love that’s influenced his life and all of the years he’s spent  learning to be less timid - none of it seems to matter when it comes down to you and him. The logistics of a relationship and the idea of one are two very different things. When it comes to your relationship, he’s been keen in adhering to his strict timeline of milestones. First date, first hand-holding, first deep kiss. It’s a matter of honoring you - because before being boyfriend and girlfriend, you were Yuta’s comrade and companion. Before your relationship status, you're his cherished and valued person. 

So because he’s chivalrous. Because he’s romantic. Because he cares about you. 

And also because the sheer  magnitude of his desires for you perpetually leaves him in a state of distress and disarray. It’s all of the above, all at the same time. And sometimes it leaves him a little overwhelmed. 

He barely manages in his daily life but this? This is torturous. 

Being in your bedroom unprompted is destroying every ounce of self-restraint he’s built through these last three months. He’s made it through your relentless bullying without giving into his Earthly desires.

It’s just too ideal in a way, being in here. Everything feels like you. There’s pictures of your friends and family around the room. Everything has your scent. Your clothes are littered on the floor and hung over the back of your desk-chair. It’s so you and Yuta loves you and he’s not going to survive being in here despite it all.

It’s embarrassing. Yuta is not the timid teenager he once was. But for all the ways he’s good at standing his ground, his demeanor is all but worthless when it comes down to you.

You’re a few years his senior and you’ve always been a slippery character. He’s enriched by your curiosity of the world. You’re a researcher and archivist of cursed information, coming out of the Kyoto branch. You have plenty of accolades and always manage to teach him something new and come out of difficult things on top. 

Mostly, Yuta recognizes all of the good in your heart. He really thinks very highly of you.

There was an obvious passion for your work that Yuta was endeared by in the initial stages of your relationship. Plus you were easy to talk to. You’ve been a good friend to Yuta for years now, ever since you called on him to do some research on him and Rika. And, as the years passed you became closer until one night it hit him that his feelings of admiration were a little closer to something like love. 

And with big, wet tears in his eyes (and a fair bit of liquor in his system) he blubbered about his feelings for you. He isn’t sure what reaction he was expecting at the time. You were happy which was great, but there was also something so lax about it all. Yuta remembers it so vividly. The way you waltzed up to him, tucked some hair behind his ears and kissed him gingerly with all the confidence in the world. Like it mattered but it didn’t. Like nothing could be more obvious than your feelings for each other. 

“I’m pretty crazy about you too, Okkotsu-san.” 

After asking if that meant you were dating like the bumbling, lovesick fool he is - you officially began going out as a couple. And at first, it was smooth sailing. It wasn’t too different from your usual hangouts.

Eventually though, you had pointed out that it doesn’t really feel like you were dating. Suggested that maybe sleeping together would help break the ice a little. That was what started this moral dilemma. 

Being honest, it wasn’t like Yuta hadn’t considered it. What thoughts he cooked up while alone in the sanctity of his bedroom is between him and the heavens only. It was just the way you suggested it. You saying it made it all feel so real. And Yuta wasn’t sure how to deal with that. He wants to cherish you so much that he felt like he couldn’t consider your offer too lightly. 

And he told you as much, hand in yours and red-faced to which you only blew some hair out of his eyes and laughed. A simple okay, a nod, and a kiss.

Of course, if everything had been smooth sailing this would be a different thing altogether. While Yuta had declined sleeping with you too soon, you had absolutely no plans to make his life easy. He’s not sure how much of it is on purpose. Knowing you, probably a lot. You’re a smart girl, after all.

So all of your bending over and tongue kissing before going home and selfies that just border on boudoir are probably very purposeful. But he’s endured it all. He should cherish you more. He’s been determined to not give in. 

The fact he’s all but ready to blow his load over just being in your room makes him feel pathetic. And maybe he is, a little. But only for you. 

Yuta likes to think of himself as a collected individual. Really.  He knows being this worked up over something as innocuous as his girlfriends room is ridiculous. He knows he’s being ridiculous.

But he really, really wants to uphold his beliefs here. So he’s stiff, sitting with his hands clasped and holding it together just barely. 

He practically jumps out of his skin when you return to your room with a tray of refreshments. 

“Woah, Yuta. You okay?”

He turns around to look at you. A mistake, apparently. His eyes land on the sight of your bare legs before he forces himself to meet your eyes. You’re so pretty to him. Always so beautiful without any effort. 

“Huh? Yeah. Sorry, just got lost in thought.”

You put the tray down on the table in front of him before sitting on the edge of your bed - facing him. The distance between you is minimal. You reach out to pet the top of his head with the palm of your hand, scratching his jaw tenderly. Yuta feels loved by the touch. 

“You sure? Looks like you saw a ghost.”

Your genuine worry makes his spine feel like it’ll melt. He puts his hands over yours, rubbing his cheek against your palm.

“Promise I’m okay. Just—it's nothing serious.” 

“Mm. Even if it’s nothing serious, I wanna know what stuff you’re worried about, ‘kay? So tell me if you want.”

He feels unsteady but so happy. 

“Thank you, my love.”

“Yeah, of course. You wanna keep sitting on the floor or…?”

The minute you ask him, he feels the hair stand up on his neck. 

“The bed…?”

You give him a look of confusion before you break out into a knowing grin.

“Oh, I forgot. I mean to remain chaste, my liege. Just wanna cuddle a bit.”

“Are you making fun of me?” He asks, not masking the pout in his voice. 

You tilt your head to one side, leaning  back on your palms. 

“A little,” You say mischievously, shrugging “I’m used to your lifestyle of celibacy.” 

He frowns at you. “It’s not like that, I just want to—“

“I just want to cherish you because I love you and want you for more than sex yadda yadda yadda. I know. And I respect your wishes even if I think it’s silly.” You say, taking the words right out of his mouth. His frown deepens.

“It’s not silly to me.” He says, almost petulantly. At this, you grab his face in your hands which catches him off-guard. You knock your forehead against his, bent over to do it. 

“I know that too, you dummy. The point is that I’m not trying to get in your pants right now.”

He can’t help but smile, pulling away to kiss at your wrist. You giggle. 

“Well, what do you want?”

“To be wrapped up in each other like otters.”

“So romantic.”

“Right? So get up here.” 

He gives in sooner rather than later. You scoot till your back is along the wall next to your bed and Yuta wastes no more time in joining you. Your bed is crazy comfortable. Just laying it in makes him want to fall asleep almost immediately. He gets cozy  before directing his gaze to you in front of him. He feels like he’s gonna throw up and the only thing that’ll come out is his heart. You give him a look of amusement. 

“Enjoying the view?” You tease. He laughs, leaning forward to tuck his face into your neck.

“Yeah. Smells like you,” 

“So cute.” 

“Don’t know how to feel about being called cute.” He says honestly. He peers up at you and you’re giggling and he can feel his heart rate sky-rocket. You twirl a piece of his hair around your index finger. 

“You’re cute and cool and handsome. Better?” 

“Yeah. Yes.” 

“Mm,” You respond. He looks at you as your expression drifts off somewhere. He can’t take his eyes away from your face “Sorry you had to stay over.” 

“It’s fine. It’d be a shame if you didn’t get anything to look over while we were there. If you make any breakthroughs, it’d be good for Gojo-sensei.” 

“You still call him that even though you graduated so many years ago?”

He flushes slightly. 

“Force of habit. My point stands.” 

“Mhm. Thanks for being so supportive. I didn’t think it was that late, y’know? I would’ve tried to hurry if I knew,” You say thoughtfully “But I like having you over.” 

He gives you a once over as he pulls away, eyes flitting to your lips. You give him a small grin. 

“Kiss me.” 

He looks at you apologetically. 

“That’s not fair. We can’t kiss? Making out doesn’t count as intimate relations, Yuta.” 

“Okay, but it can lead to them.” 

“If it’s that serious, I’ll sleep on the couch.” 

“Wait, no.” 

“Then kiss me.” 

He sighs. 

“Just kissing, okay?” 

“Okay, you monk.” 

He laughs at the comment before pressing his lips to yours tenderly. You have no such intent of leaving it that way - your hand on immediately on the nape of his neck. The softness of your tongue makes Yuta feel like there’s fizz in his head - like the water inside of him is seltzer. He thought you would at least try to give him some mercy. 

He probably shouldn’t expect that from his favorite girl. He pulls away, out of breath. A little line of saliva breaks off between you. Your grin is eye-catching, like glass in the sun. Yuta wouldn’t mind burning in the magnitude of your light. 

“Just kissing,” He emphasizes, trying to be firm. You hum, hand on his cheek. You rub your thumb on his lip tenderly, looking at him square in the eyes. He’s stronger than this, he swears. 

“We are just kissing though?” 

“Baby.” He frowns. A laugh bubbles up from your stomach and he’s so entranced by it he nearly forgets what he’s trying to convince you of. 

“Since when is making out too naughty? Teenagers do stuff like that, Yuta. We’re grown-ups.” 

“That’s the whole problem.” He says back in faux exasperation. You look like you’re going to kiss him again, but you lean into his ear instead. Your breath is warm and ticklish against his skin. 

“Yuta,” You murmur with such clear intent he feels himself break down under the weight “Can’t we have sex, hm?” 

Blood rushes down to his dick so fast he’s embarrassed. He stares at you as you pull away, a look  in your eyes that makes him want to collapse. Of course he does. He wants to have so much sex with you so often it’s starting to drive him up a wall. Is there anyone in the world other than him masochistic enough to turn down the offer? He’s doubtful to say the least. 

“I want to,” He admits. You beam and nod. Your hand slides down to squeeze his waist. He swallows thickly. 

“Yeah? Then why can’t we?” 

“I just..don’t want to rush things,” He replies with as much conviction as he possibly can. The sincerity must reach you because you soften a little “We’ve known each other for a long time. And it was already hard to get here. I just want to make sure it’s right.” 

“You’re so thoughtful,” You murmur to him, running over his hip bone with your thumb “And that makes you really sexy, you know?” 

“What if it gets all messed up?” 

“Our relationship is stronger than that, yeah. It can withstand a handjob.” 

He groans at your vulgarity before laughing. 

“I’m being serious!” 

“I know and that’s so sweet of you. But I really, really don’t think it’ll be that bad if we have sex. We might fuck like rabbits for a few days but that’s not really the end of the world.” 

He feels heat creep up his next as you nuzzle your nose against his, whispering softly. 

“And doesn’t that sound nice? Cooped up in this little room, fucking each others brains out. Just you and me.” 

He feels his dick steel against his will. He looks at you seriously, a fire in his expression. 

“You’re being unfair.”  

“Who, me? Never. I’m just telling you what I think.” 

He groans in complaint. Is this the right thing to do? He doesn’t think so. But it’s not like he doesn’t want to. He really, really wants to have sex and there’s never been such a perfect opportunity. You’re a little too good at turning him on and he’s a little too pent up to think about it more clearly. It feels like the only thing he can think about, a side-effect of this whole conundrum. There is a right way to go about this and he can’t say for certain yours isn’t the one. 

Plus the vivid picture you’ve painted of the two of you fucking in a room for hours is making his whole body burn up with lust. Fuck, the things he could do to you in all that time without it ever being enough. 

Yuta didn’t know he was aching for you so badly until he was this close to having you. 

“Baby,” He can feel how deep his voice is getting. It’s taking all of his strength to keep it in. 

“How do you want me? Tell me. You’ve been thinking about me right?”

“Always,” He confesses, staring at you without any restraint “Always thinking of you.”  

“Doing what?”

Oh. This is… 

Oh.

“I’ve never seen you naked.”

“Then you daydream about seeing me naked? How tame.” 

“It’s more than that, it’s—I want to make you feel good. You’re so good to me. And I wanna…”

You stare at him. You’re so cheeky. 

“You wanna?”

“Want you to feel good. But because of me. All because of me.”

A wave of heat passes through him. He looks at you and you look...different. You look turned on, fingers carding through his hair. Right now all Yuta can think about is how much he wants. A word with so much weight behind it he can hardly keep up. God doesn’t Yuta want you more than he’s ever wanted anything. 

The room feels like it’s hotter than it was a few seconds last. A thick tension spreads over everything like jam. Yuta is too dazed to do anything. He can only watch as you sit up. You guide him to lay on his back and climb on top of him with ease. Your thighs feel warm and soft as you straddled him, taking his hands to put them on your waist.

He slides them up underneath your shirt lightly, enough to feel the warmth of your skin on his calloused fingers. Your eyes lock as you lean forward the slightest bit, caging Yuta in with your hand next to his head. 

“So possessive,” You tease, seeing right through him like you usually do. He really is. He thought he was a little better at hiding it “Already all yours, Yuta.” 

That makes his dick twitch. You must feel it because you laugh at him about it and his hands grip even tighter. He’s gonna lose his mind, being swept up by you so easily. He’s gotten so used to forfeiting restraint. Always goes in head first because that’s how cowards have to learn to fight. But he’s forgotten how to hold back. How to suppress. 

Right now, he feels like an animal. He feels like a restless hound dog, straining against the spiked collar he’s tried to keep himself in place. What does that make you, he wonders? 

In an attempt at transparency, he looks at you and says “I want you so much.”

And your reply is about all the permission he needs. 

“Then take me,” 

Yuta heeds your words and takes. It’s easy to flip you both over from where you are. He mumbles an apology as you yelp in surprise - and he hopes you’ll forgive him for his impatience. He’s been picturing this for months now. He knows what he wants, and that’s you on your back with him on top of you - making you feel so fucking good you can’t stand it. He slots his legs between yours, hovering over you as your bodies press into each other. 

You wrap your arms around Yutas neck with ease and he leans in to kiss you passionately. Despite where you are, it’s clear you're helping set the pace. Yuta is eager to follow. It starts off slow enough but when you pull away once, you're opening your mouth enough to let him in deeper. You stick your tongue out and Yuta follows suit. Everything is so hot he feels like it’ll burn, and you taste like mint toothpaste. He likes swapping spit with you like this, the messy way the drool runs down his chin and yours like you can’t get enough for each other. 

He has no idea how long you stay like that. Just kissing is a dangerous game. The nip of your mouth and the press of your incisors in his lower lip leave him shuddering. His hard cock is pressed against your abdomen, and he can’t help himself but hump into the soft plush of your tummy. Even through the stiff material of his jeans he can feel you. 

He quivers and whimpers into your mouth but you swallow the noise with delight. Your fingers find themself at the nape of his hand reaching up, tugging at the root. You pull away to give him a chance to breathe. He sounds pathetic, he knows it, but fuck he can’t hold it in anymore. Your voice is cool and collected yet rich and heady. It feels like a salve to his raw nerves, calming to him. He closes his eyes and humps into you and everything feels like it’ll disappear. Yuta just wants to give into his base needs. He wants to be all yours as much as he wants you to be all his and everything is so tangled up in his mind. 

“That feel good, Yuta?” 

“Y-yeah. Yes. Oh, yes.” 

You giggle at him a little and Yuta looks up at you. Look at the swell of your lips and the flush and sheen on your skin. Too much, too much, too much. 

But not enough at the same time, he rubs his cock against you again, harder. 

“So pent up,” You comment smoothly and Yuta groans in agreement “Why don’t I help you a little?” 

Unsure of what you mean, he stares at you hazily. You push him off, making him stand to his knees and he watches you as your hands come to the ends of your shirt. You pull it off over your head and toss it somewhere. You have nothing on underneath. His mouth dries out almost completely. Bare skin of your shoulders and the curve of your neck and your chest so open. Your nipples are hard against the cool air, standing to attention.

Your b0dy is so much sexier than he could’ve conjured up in his head. The real thing doesn’t even compare, and the way you move as you take off the rest is so fucking mesmerizing. Yuta watches you take off your pants next -  you put your legs up to slide them off. 

There’s not a single part of you that Yuta doesn’t want to claim for himself. He traces the outline of your legs, the bend of your knee and the arch of your foot. He should worship you, after all - he was right for trying to restrain it before. If he had this in the beginning, he’s afraid of what kind of person he might become. He’s scared of it even now.

 Yuta is of course the type of man to get sick on his own devotion. He’s always been like that. That’s what the rings on his hands always mean. He wants to make himself sick on you. 

Nothing could be more intense than just watching you undress, he doesn't think. You toss your shorts somewhere, but leave your panties on. Yuta still has his clothes on. The only barrier between you now is a thin layer of cotton. There’s a damp spot on it. He can’t stop his hand from reaching out, pressing into it with his thumb as gently as he can. You gasp. His eyes go wide. 

“It’s okay,” You assure, a smile on your face “Just wasn’t expecting it.”

He hums, dumbstruck, and smooths his thumb over the seam. There’s something salacious about the boundary itself. The material that’s keeping him from just taking you. 

“C-can you leave them on..? For a bit?” He asks. You blink twice. Even if you’re confused, there’s not any judgment. Yuta really does love you. 

“Uh-huh. If you want me too,”  

You give him the floor this time, Yuta thinks. He takes his shirt off too. He doesn’t take his jeans off completely, though. Only unzips them, pushing them down past his boxers to give him some breathing room. And with that he’s back on top of you. He presses a gentle kiss to your lips but moves down towards your jaw. The little fluttery sigh that leaves you makes everything close in around him. Like it’s only you two in the entire world. He leaves them down your neck, down your collarbone and sternum. Warm open mouth kisses trying all over every inch of you. 

His hands shake as he reaches out for your chest. You chuckle and reach for him. Guide them to squeeze your tits firm, a cheeky look in your eye. He tries to take more confidence in it now. Gropes the fat between his fingers, palms over your nipples in appreciation. He’s entranced by it, pushing them together and teasing the hardened buds with the pads of his fingers.

“So pretty,” He mumbles, mostly to himself “You’re so pretty,” 

“You’re pretty too, Yuta.” 

He can feel a blush crawl up his skin. He ducks his head down to take your nipples into his mouth. You let out a soft moan of pleasure that encourages him to suck harder on one and use his fingers to tease you where his mouth can’t reach. Your sighs are shaky and you're gently losing your composure.

 He wants to shatter you completely. 

He grabs your thighs and encourages you to wrap your legs around his waist. And you do with his guidance, a well of desire about to burst within him. He adjusts until his cock is snug against your clothed cunt. A broken oh, leaves your lips and Yuta humps into you, shifting until he hits the sweet spot. Your voice sounds again, pitchy and melodic like a wind chime and that’s when Yuta knows he has it. 

He has you right where he wants you now. Bodies pressed into each other and so involved, so together. Yuta can feel you everywhere. He’s always been in sync with you but every notch is turned to ten. The shallow rise and fall of your stomach, the slightest tenseness in your spine that melt away when he gives you a little attention. He has you in his grasp but he wants to hold onto you tighter. He feels like he’s been struck by lightning, the way his nerves are revved up.

He focuses on where your lower bodies meet, tongue poked between his lips and furrow in his brow. Drives his clothed, hard cock against your cunt, catching the crown into your clit until you’re shaking underneath him. There’s something so primal about it that Yuta can’t take it. He can’t think clearly anymore, lost in the feeling of dull pleasure. If it feels so good like this, being inside you might be too much. You’re both naked mostly except for where you both need each other. So close in proximity that Yuta can hear each of your short pants. Erratic and almost thoughtlessly driven by one single thing, pleasing you. Feeling each other, all wrapped up together. There’s something romantic about the mutual desperation. 

Drawing out those moans as he sucks at your tits, making you feel how hard he is. How pent up and needy and fucking horny he is all for you. 

Just humping your soft, sweet little cunt through your panties makes Yuta want to risk everything he’s got. The push and pull of too much and  not enough at the same time.  It’s so fucking euphoric. Your fabric keeps wetter and wetter, and Yuta doesn’t know if it’s you or him - his pre-cum dribbling through his boxers. Mixing together so that there’s less friction than there should be, material all soaked through and tacky. 

He can feel your pussy pulse and tremble. Your spine goes stiff and Yuta pulls away to look at you. You’re beautiful. You’re on edge, in complete bliss and so fucking beautiful. 

“Oh, oh, Yuta - shit, like that. G-gonna, gonna,” 

He doesn’t know what overtakes him, but he babbles on pulling away. 

“Cum for me, please—fuck, baby, p-please, need it,” 

You cum the first time just like that. For Yuta, humping each other like two lovesick teenagers. All for him you get all broken. He can’t help but burn the image of you underneath in his head forever. He needs to see it all again. 

“Oh, that felt so fucking good,” The praise feels like it’s being injected into his bloodstream“You make me feel sho good,” 

The slight slur in your words and praise all together makes him too happy. He kisses you, sloppy and lovedrunk, tongues touching and teeth chattering. 

“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted,” Yuta says with as much conviction as any one man could have. You laugh so loud it makes him smile. “I don’t wish well for anyone you dated before me.”  And you laugh again even louder. 

“You sound polite even when you’re threatening people.”  You say with nothing but affection. Yuta wants more. He wants you. Even with this quiet lull, he’s thinking about how he can get you to cum again. 

He nudges his nose to your cheek, kissing the corner of your mouth before he talks. 

“I want you to do it again,” He states, slow and steady, trying to feel out your willingness “And then I want to fuck you,”

“Wanna fuck me after you make me a mess?” You say, much more bluntly than he has. You’re not wrong “Are you a sadist after all, Yuta?”

“You look good when you’re messy. ‘s not my fault.” He replies, a little bite to his words. This delights you to the point he's proud. He does his best not to look uncool and this one time he’s succeeded. 

“Make a mess of me, Yuta,” You encourage, probably because you know he needs it. And he does “I want it.” 

“Yeah,” Comes his reply, as he pulls himself off of you “Me too,” 

The pace slows down now. The room smells of sex and Yuta can still feel the blood rushing in his ears but nothing so frantic. He lays you back, your legs undoing from behind him and resting. Yuta kisses your sternum first, a wave of emotion running through him. He puts his hands on your sides, sliding them down to meet your hips and squeezing tight. 

He kisses his down your body like it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. He can feel you curl in above him - not completely. But you seem a little astonished, and he'd be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel like he accomplished something. He works his way lower slowly, rubbing small circles into your skin as often as he can. Caressing you and committing your body to memory. He wants you to feel him as much as he’s feeling you, to feel his touch. The tension in the air is strengthened by his silence. 

If he were saying anything it’d be something like this. Like can you feel it? how much i love you? or i want all of you. Things he can’t often muster up the strength to say. He’s good with his words but not good enough to communicate all of it so bluntly. Yuta is brave in areas other than love. Sometimes your adoration makes all the words clog in his throat. This is better for him, the physicality brings him peace of mind. 

He likes how you feel. Your skin is much softer when he compares it to his, feels so different and more plush and comfortable. Yuta likes taking you in his hands and kneading the skin gently enough to relax you. Lower and lower, a trail of wet marks until he’s close to your clothed cunt. He stares at the sticky material, kissing it feather light before redirecting his attention to your thighs. 

He starts again, at the bend of your knee - and works his way inward. He’s rougher now, taking time to mark up your inner thigh with precision. Yuta can’t help himself, placing kisses in the last places his teeth bit you. He does it again and again, up along one thigh and then moving to the other until you’re covered in them. 

You’re trembling with anticipation. A sense of contentment washes over Yuta as his breath fans over your cunt, so completely soaked the fabrics a different color. His tongue runs over the material, a shameless moan of pleasure leaving his mouth. You arch your back, hands reaching to take root in his hair. The sensation of tension on his scalp makes his cock twitch. It’s salty and a little bitter, the mix of his pre-cum and yours altogether. Yuta goes to do it again anyway. The mess of it gets him excited, unconsciously rubbing into the sheets underneath him. 

“O-oh, Yuta.” 

He shivers, hands planing over the tops of your thighs as he brings him down close to him. 

“Yeah, yeah baby. Just me and you,” 

A soft laugh leaves your mouth. Yuta can feel how worked up you are. You’re quiet and tense. Some part of him wants to leave you like that waiting, but the other part of him wants to give you everything you’ve ever asked for. He gives into the latter, because that’s what he wants more. Rolls the fabric off of your legs with a deep sigh, a pleased hum. He loves the way you smell, the scent of sex and arousal mixed with the fancy soaps you keep in your bathroom. Your pussy is as pretty as you are, a sheen of arousal all along your slit. Your clit peeks through, swelled from need. Yuta kisses it without thinking. 

He starts slow. Lays his tongue flat against the seam of your cunt before dragging it up. The taste of you covers his mouth, tangy and slightly sweet - Yuta can’t get enough of you. He moans in appreciation, repeating the gesture as he pulls your pussy close. His nose bumps into your sex. He peers up at you with his lashes. You’re so pretty it makes him want to please. He repeats this over and over - licking at your clit with enthusiasm. Your clit is hard and needy, throbbing against the soft, smooth muscle of his tongue as he gains a sort of rhythm. He gauges your reaction when he tries something new, adding pressure until you’re squirming underneath him. When you start growing noisier, Yuta knows he’s hit the right pace. 

And he stays like that, your pussy soaking his mouth and chin. He adjusts himself slightly, rubbing his fingers between your folds. You let out a soft oh above him, making him want to laugh. He keeps at it, his fingers sliding far enough to tease your entrance. Your hole is twitching without him having done much at all, his middle finger teasing and prodding. 

“Don’t t-tease so much,”  You pant. 

Yuta nearly blows his load listening to you talk like that. He didn’t think you could be so cute. He listens though, pushing his middle finger into you with ease. It doesn’t take too much effort. Your insides are so incredibly wet for him. Your walls are so soft and inviting, syrupy to the touch. Yuta loves feeling them. He gives you time to adjust to the new sensation, fucking in and out slow enough that the tension melts. He gets knuckle deep with his middle finger and when it doesn’t seem like you’re tense anymore - he goes and adds another. 

He does both in tandem - and there’s a period where it’s all a bunch of sensation for you. Eventually it stops being just a feeling, turns into pleasure. He curls his fingers up against you hard, rubbing the soft and spongy area and he can feel you practically lurch forward. Your spine arches, mouth dropped open in a soft ‘o’. Another feeling of pride spreads through his chest, his whole body. He wants you to let go again just like this. While he fingers your weepy cunt and with your clit in his mouth - he wants to see how far he can push. How wet you can get before he ever gets inside. 

Yuta isn’t one for competition or ego. He’s always been easy-going. But something about you being underneath him like this, moaning for him like this - makes him feel like he should put in a little more effort to prove himself. He wants to make you feel so good, wants to see your composure break down steadily. He wants you praise him for it, to fuck each other like animals in the thereafter of your second orgasm. He pushes towards that goal steadfastly, and soon enough your body catches up with him. 

Yuta can practically feel your stomach tighten. You let out a noise, a string of mismatched syllables like a warning. Yuta only hums in encouragement, keeping his pace exactly the same. Feeling it is incredible. His fingers can feel the way your walls tighten up so hard and the tremors of the aftermath. 

Your back curves in a C as you cum, hard for him and he can feel it. He can feel you cum. He can see you, see the pleasure crash into you like a tidal wave. A second. Yuta made you cum twice in a row and he’s already itching to do it a third. 

You practically pry him off as you ride the wave of your high. You sigh deeply, and Yuta licks his fingers. He waits for your adoration, pleased to receive as you pull him up for a kiss. 

“You’re so fucking good, Yuta,” You say and Yuta feels his resolve crumble. He needs to fuck you immediately “So, so good to me baby.” 

He whimpers into your mouth. “I need you.”

You laugh breathlessly, your hand reaching between your bodies to squeeze his cock. Yuta shudders and you giggle to yourself. 

“Yeah. Bet you’re feeling pent up, Yuta. How about I treat you this time? That okay?” 

“Treat me?” 

“By riding you,” You say, smiling at him. He gets chills from the offer “You want that?” 

“Oh. Oh, fuck - please. Please?” 

You smile at him. 

“Lay on your back, sweet boy.” 

Sweet boy. He swallows thickly but does as you say. Lays back and watches you climb over him a second time tonight - this time with a much more obvious intent. He can’t stop thinking about how gorgeous he finds you - no matter how many times he sees you, it’s not easy to get used to. 

You sit up on his lap, naked and beautiful, your hangs tugging down his boxers just enough to free his cock. He hisses at the sensation of air, then moans because your hand squeezed around the shaft. Yuta watches, bewitched, by how you spit into the palm of your hands and let it drip down onto his cock. You stroke until he’s covered in it, saliva making a mess of him. When he’s all wet, you scoot forward just slightly. A hand ends up on his chest as you pull your hips up. 

Guiding the tip to your hole, you sink down on Yuta finally. He can only recognize loosely that there’s no condoms to be seen but he doesn’t find it in himself to care. There’s a slight sensation of tension that quickly gives away to nothing but slick, white-hot pleasure. You feel amazing. It’s not like anything he’s ever felt in his entire life and each time you drop down another inch - he’s biting his cheek trying not to cum immediately. That’d be such a waste, even if you’ve promised to fuck like rabbits - Yuta wants to make this last long. 

You lower yourself steadily until all of him is inside. Your expression is slightly pinched, and your whole body trembles before you finally seem comfortable. You lean forward, your hand next to Yuta’s head as you look at him. 

“Cum when you feel like you need to, ‘kay?” 

Yuta just swallows. 

Before he gets a chance to adjust to the feeling, you pick your hips and slam them back down on his cock without breaking a sweat. Yuta nearly screams, his hands immediately shooting to your hips to try and slow you down. You give him a wry grin, He almost wants to plead for your mercy. 

“Want me to go slower?” 

“Please be nice.” 

You giggle but heed his request. Repeating the motion but slower as promised, you rock yourself steadily onto Yuta’s cock. The pace is controlled and smooth, a rhythmic pass of your hips over and over. Your insides feel like they’ll melt him completely, make him liquid from the inside out. You’re picturesque riding him, tits bouncing and leaned forward enough that Yuta can see the concentration on your face. He watches you find your own pleasure in it too - somewhere half-way between grinding and bouncing that makes you look so good. He feels so incredible like this. 

He moves his hands so they’re grabbing your ass and only moves with you slightly. Not enough to change the pace, but to meet you. The room is filled with the sound of skin hitting skin - a tacky smack as your bounces hard enough to hit Yutas thighs. Something about is so vulgar, but something about is so sensual. He can feel every nerve in his body standing on edge. Your hand moves gently between your bodies to tease your clit as you ride and Yuta can’t help but be impressed by your stamina. He feels so spoiled. Feels so mind-numbingly good he wants to go brain dead while you drain for everything he’s got. 

Your expression is blissed out as you hit your stride, absolutely debauched. He can feel you again, another rush of arousal. He’s getting better at telling when you’re close. Your pussy is so sloppy all for him, because of him. So messy that it’s dripping down his cock onto his balls, all over the sheets underneath you. He can feel you clench in anticipation - the sudden spasming in the build up. 

“Gonna cum again and I want you cum right after me, yeah baby? Can you do that?” 

Yuta groans. 

“Pleasepleaseplease.” Is all he can make out. You laugh, breathy. Your pace is still the same as you rub your clit. The third time you cum is less intense. It’s a shorter wave, a softer sort of orgasm that seems to ease you more than it does anything else. Even still, you clench around his cock hard - getting so much wetter than you were a minute ago. 

It’s in the tremors that Yuta finally feels in touch with himself again. He loses himself completely. Finally giving into the sensation that’s been drowning him, He feels it in his entire lower body. Every atom of him finally catching up to the high of the release. It’s so intense when he opens his mouth nothing comes out. His eyes shoot open then go back closed. The coil in his stomach loosens more slowly at first than all at once, like a car crash. When Yuta finally cums he sees nothing but white stars in his vision. He can’t scream, can’t speak - so he holds onto you tight and finishes to the sound of your gentle coaxing. Your voice is shot hoarse as you coo to him.

“That’s it baby, cum for me. That’s it, there you go.” Echoes around in his head. Cum spurts out of him, thick and hot in your walls and he doesn’t even try to pull out as he goes completely limp underneath you. 

When he opens his eyes back up again, you're both just as ragged as each other. Yuta can’t stop himself from laughing. He hugs you tight to his chest as you lay on top of him - naked bodies and tangled limbs. 

“I love you,” Yuta says blearily. You laugh. 

“I love you too, Yuta.” 

__ 

After you and Yuta manage the energy to shower, you find yourselves back in bed. It’s late when you’re finally ready to sleep, being in the same positions you were before. Only this time with new sheets. 

Yuta lets you into his arms, wrapping them around you as you nuzzle into his chest. 

“So. Was it worth breaking your rules?” 

Yuta can’t help but break out into laughter at your question. He nods his head, a flush on his expression. 

“Yeah. Yeah it was.” 

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Ian Malcolm

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(When I tell you I love this man.)

- You and Ian meet when you attend the same STEM related conference; though it would be more accurate to say that you met while you attended a conference that he was lecturing at. 

- Nevertheless, you were both in the same room and wound up interfacing before the meeting was over; an interaction that would lead to a very interesting and at times exasperating relationship. 

- You found him fascinating; just like pretty much everyone else in the crowd, someone who had a big, entertaining personality in a field that so often lacked personality. You liked him the minute he opened his mouth. 

- He, in turn, thought that you were gorgeous and found himself falling for you the minute he locked eyes on you. He was looking forward to the moment he could slink off stage and find a way to talk to you. He did so right after he finished his speech and the applause settled down.

- He artfully found his way through the crowd and managed to convince the person beside you to switch their seat, taking it for himself after the starry eyed boy got up. 

- The two of you sat in silence for a little while before he leaned over and introduced himself, shaking your hand for a lingering moment before you both turned your attention back to the stage. 

- Another beat of silence passed between you before he leaned over and murmured a funny comment to you, reveling in the way you tried to hold back your smile. You spent the rest of the meeting trying to stifle your laughter as your new ironic commentator continued his jokes and flirtation. It certainly made the conference more enjoyable. 

- Once the shows over and everyone begins to clear out, he asks if you’re doing anything before asking if you’d like to go out and grab a couple of drinks or talk someplace. 

- That's how you find yourself seated next to him at the bar of a nice little restaurant, listening to him explain the chaos theory in detail and trying your best to digest everything that he’s saying; along with your drinks. 

- Along with his mathematical explanations, he also provides a lot of compliments and flirtation. You spend the evening feeling like the most important and sought after woman in the world

- Since you could easily; and very accurately, consider that little get together to be your first date, let’s move on to your first kiss. 

- It’s a date or two later that the two of you share it. You don’t want to give in too easily; even if you want to kiss him a lot sooner, so you play coy until you cant take it any more and the moment feels perfectly right. 

- Perfectly right seems to mean the middle of your kitchen after you invited him in for some coffee but hey, to each their own. 

- Nevertheless, you’d invited him into your home after one of your dates and gone to your kitchen to get the two of you your drinks. He’d followed you in and when you handed him his cup of coffee, he’d leaned in, pressed his lips to yours and given you a soft kiss.

- When he pulled away, he smiled at you, raised his mug, and gave you a somewhat teasing thank you before he lead the way into your living room. 

- One mug lead to another and you've been staying up late with each other ever since. 

- Ian suffers from a deplorable need to constantly be touching you. On top of that, he really isn’t too preoccupied with how other people feel so Pda is very common and performed very shamelessly.

- His arm is usually wrapped around you in some way, whether it be draped across the back of your chair, wrapped around your shoulders, or haphazardly thrown in front of you while a T. Rex is charging towards you.

- Tight hugs; which usually means that you’re being somewhat picked up since he’s so goddamn tall.

- Having your hair played with; oftentimes while he uses his flirtation on you.

- Knee squeezes. His hand belongs to your knee whenever he can’t wrap his arm around you.

- He loves cheek kisses. He loves the sort of showing off feel of them whenever you’re in front of someone else; and he just loves how soft and sweet they are.

- Slow, passionate kisses.

- Oftentimes, you wind up sleeping in the crook of his arm; usually with your head resting against his chest. That being said, the two of you also just cuddle haphazardly, snuggling in any which way you can, your limbs entangled and your bodies relaxed.

- He tends to call you honey or baby but, considering the fact that he calls his daughter Queen, my goddess and my inspiration, there’s room for a few more over dramatic pet names in your relationship.

- Waking up together. Ian's a math professor so, depending on both your schedules, you’re usually getting up around the same time. Although, if you get up earlier than he has to, he’d definitely; somewhat begrudgingly, adapt to your schedule.

- The two of you are attached at the hip a lot of the time. If you choose to go somewhere, he’s bound to follow; whether that be to keep you safe or just because he enjoys spending time with you is anyone’s guess.

- Working on separate things while you’re together. Sometimes couples just want to be in the same room while they do their own thing and I think that’s beautiful.

- Going shopping together. He’s a fan of clothes shopping, groceries, not so much.

- He likes trying out new things and going to all those different places that pop up in town so the two of you visit a lot of new restaurants and shops.

- Going out to dinner at nice restaurants. He’s the Rockstar of the math community so of course he’d want to take you to a few high end places; whenever he could afford it that is.

- Traveling around the world together. Whenever he has to go somewhere, he likes taking you with him.

- Being in the crowds of his conferences and public appearances. You like cheering him on and he appreciates the fact that you’re always there for him; even if he doesn’t necessarily need the support.

- Ian isn’t the greatest at keeping his word and he can get really caught up in his work to the point where he forgets important things, but he does always try his best to make things up to you whenever he can.

- Becoming close with Kelly. She enjoys living with you when her mother can’t be bothered and Ian’s bogged down by work. He loves both his girls dearly so the fact that you get along with each other is very important to him.

- You get to use the fact that you’re with Kelly as an excuse to go do stupid and somewhat childish things like visiting arcades and county fairs. Not that you couldn’t do that without her but I think you know what I mean.

- Movie nights; usually with him and Kelly.

- Museum dates.

- He genuinely thinks that your weird interests and quirks are endearing and fascinating. Other people would consider them strange, Ian considers them to be a compelling part of your personality.

- Seeing you talk about things that you’re passionate about is one of his favorite things in the world. He thinks that drive to learn and do and the intelligence that you possess is extremely sexy.

- Sometimes he’ll just look at you like he wants to eat you alive and it’s extremely problematic. Sir, we are in public.

- Lots of flirting. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, he still enjoys making you flustered and treating you like the prettiest girl he’s ever seen.

- Unnecessary and frankly disrespectful noises. If he doesn’t stop making salacious growls at you, you’re gonna have to act up.

- Letting him explain all his different theories and findings to you. He loves showing off and having your undivided attention.

- Breaking rules together. If you aren’t keen on doing so, he’d definitely tease you for being a goody goody.

- He carries around a flask most of the time so the two of you can always just park somewhere and drink together whenever you feel like. Some of your best memories take place in his car, passing around a little metal container and talking about nothing in particular.

- Sarcasm drips from this mans every pore so you should try to get used to it. As annoying as it can be, it does make for some funny comments here and there.

- Snarky comments; whether they’re directed at you or someone else. Ian can be a bit of a bastard so don’t be surprised when his mouth opens and something mocking comes out. Just be prepared to occasionally slap his arm and stop him from being a total ass to people; even if it’s justified.

- Corny little jokes.

- Trying to keep him from verbally destroying people. He’s very verbal about his opinions so chances are, he’s going to speak his mind at one point or another and you might not want to be there when he does.

- He’s a voice of reason for just about everyone on Earth so if you need someone to tell you when you’re being stupid, he’s perfect for you.

- Sticking with him and being there for him after everything happens. He changes very drastically in the following years after meeting Mr. Hammond but you love him no less.

- No matter what people may think of him, you still defend him and proudly stand by his side. You’ve learned to ignore the opinion of others and not entertain their gossip.

- Helping him deal with the trauma that comes with almost getting fucking eaten.

- Ian doesn’t get jealous very often. He’s secure enough in himself and knows that you wouldn’t cheat on him, but every now and again, if you’re particularly close to like a colleague or something, he’ll show some signs of jealousy. Mainly, he’ll just ask a bunch of questions about them and your relationship; all the while trying to play it off as normal curiosity.

- Ian is incredibly protective of you; particularly after the events of Jurassic park. He’s willing to do whatever he can to keep you safe; even if it means endangering himself or doing something that scares the hell out of him.

- The two of you don’t fight extremely often; and you rarely have very serious fights, but you do have an argument from time to time. He may say something sarcastic or hurtful in the heat of the moment on occasion but he never means it and he always immediately apologizes.

- Very few fights last overnight. He’s usually so quick to apologize and try to sort things out that you’re back on track in no time. Under his egotistical shell, he’s really just a big softie who wants things to be alright between the two of you.

- He tells you that he loves you a perfectly average amount of times; not too much and not too little. And he loves hearing you say it back or just tell him that you love him for no real reason.

- Ian legitimately loves kids. Like he’s fully prepared to get married and start a family with you at any given moment. Believe me, you just say the words and he’ll pop the question.

[lvlyhao]

『lifetimes; H.R』

one-shot; huang renjun

A/N: it’s been a hot minute since i posted the teaser but welp it’s finally here :] this has got to be one of my favourite things i’ve ever written so please give it some love!!

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: not a lot of it but fluff (♡), angst (❆), fantasy (✯), author’s favourite (ツ)

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: some mentions of death but nothing too explicit

word count: 2.8K

pairing: huang renjun x reader

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

With chocolate eyes that dazzle golden under the light, he scouts the forest. The canopy is thick above his head and shudders every few seconds when some creature hurriedly passes by. The trees' branches sway in the breeze, and he can almost hear their rumbling under the chirping birds. The ever-so-green grass is dank under his boots, and he can still smell the rain that ended just a couple minutes ago. The Sun, though, seems to have no recollection of that. He is as argent as always, here in the Violet Woods. The place is dazzling, alive, and crisp; far too different from his own home, but also far less foreign. 

Graceful fingers reach for the periwinkle flowers just left from the tallest red oak, kissing their soft petals as he wonders where they are. Renjun is positive he's at the right place, and this is the right time. Noon, by the bush of forget-me-nots. He could only hope they hadn't misremembered this week's chosen spot. Knowing them, it's perfectly possible. Maybe he should head to the muttering roses, where they had met last week, and wait there instead...

Laboured breaths and feathery footsteps sound from behind him a second later, and he doesn't have to turn around to know it's them.

"You're late", he states, fierce gaze still burning in the flowers.

Renjun doesn't expect an apology, not really, but the mellow hand they lay on his shoulder is just as startling. Still kneeling, he twirls to face them at once, and he doesn't miss the dim look of urgency that paints their features.

"Y/N? What happened? Are you okay?"

They don't answer him. Instead, their lips curl into a small smile that Renjun supposes is meant to calm his nerves. It doesn't work very well, or well at all, and he stands up to his full height, holding their hand in his.

Both of their hearts beat loudly, wildly attempting to escape their ribcages. However, neither of them shies away from the proximity. Renjun and Y/N idly stand together for a second, basking in each other's warmth when they speak for the first time today.

"Father knows about you."

If the incoming information is anything short of shocking, he doesn't let it show. His keen, fox-like traits remain the same as he searches their eyes for something else—fear, rage, or any other emotion. Something that would tell him what to do now. 

Nodding slowly, he gently squeezes their fingers, waiting for them to continue. 

The way Renjun looks at them is enough to make Y/N's throat tighten in concern. From the palace, all the way over here, they've been trying to conceal it, but they no longer can. 

It's freezing cold, even against the strings of sunlight that filter through the trees. Its' grip is vicious, instilling into their body a form of despair they had never felt before. It is the dawning realization that their little world is shattering, and there's little they can do to save it.

"...And he calls you a filthy mortal."

Somehow, Renjun finds it in him to snort. Out of all the things he thought they would say, that was certainly not one of them, but it makes him happy. After all those months, they still manage to catch him off-guard. Will they ever stop doing that?

"Aren't you elves so kind?" he laughs, lifting his other hand to gently flick at their pointy ears.

Y/N simply huffs, dodging his fingers and escaping from his hold to pace around the trees.

Watching them in silence, Renjun thinks their race truly is something else. Elegant, breathtaking, stunning, unmatched, perfect. Sharp edges give way to soft curves that make him question the existence of all deities. Should he turn his face in shame? Should he go down on his knees and beg for forgiveness over sins he didn't commit? Should he declare them as his one redemption and worship them until his breath forever ceases?

Sighing dreamily, he thinks he, too, would be an arrogant bastard if he looked anything like an elf.

"Don't put that on us, Renjun. You, humans, have a terrible tendency to destroy and foul the space you occupy" Y/N turns to him. 

Placing their hands on their hips, they know they're falling into the usual routine: bickering about historical events between the two races until one gives up. That's how their rendezvous always begins, and they wouldn't have it any other way, but today something hovers in the air between them.

Doubts.

Renjun can't keep himself from speaking.

"He will banish you some time, Y/N. You know we can't keep this up forever."

He's right, and they know. Had it not been for the strands of sunshine dancing across their frame, they would have shivered. The thought of getting banished from their realm is terrifying. Y/N is still incredibly young for an elf—just over their 75 years—but they've lived enough to know how it goes for elves who get exiled. 

For an elf, banishment isn't being outlawed from your homeland. That is most indisputably sad, and Y/N would cry about it for some time, missing nature's presence from her forests. Although that's not the part of the exile that frightens them: it's the loss of immortality, their lifelines cut too short from straying from their hearths.

Death is no friend of the elves, as everybody knows. The mere idea of perishing from disease or poison is strange to their minds, if not altogether catastrophic. It's not normal, as it is not natural. It's almost reason enough to stop Y/N from making her offer, but the pink haze in their eyes wouldn't allow them to.

"Run away with me then", they mutter, slowly closing the distance between them and the boy once again. Something in Renjun's eyes shifts, and his pink lips part to speak, but not yet. 

"Protect me from the dangers of mortality. We could go south to the Cristalline Planes, Injun", Y/N stops in front of him. "Or, maybe even head west, since I know you've always wanted to see Wistful Shores."

Hope shines bright in their complexion, burning with such richness it nearly turns into despair. What they're doing is not asking—they're pleading, and Renjun nearly collapses to the ground at the honeyed tone in their voice. However, the glow of their fingers, smoothly tracing the shapes of his light robes, grounds him. Their touch is as delicate as the breeze, and it takes all of his self-control not to say "yes" right away.

"And let you give up on eternal life for me? That is possibly the most foolish decision I have ever heard of", he says, stoping their movements to lace his fingers between theirs.  

For a moment, everything around the two of them stills and fades into silence. The woods are quieter than ever before, and even the tree's lullaby comes to a halt. Nothing exists out of their eyes, embedded deep into the others'. 

His might just be Y/N's favourite thing in the whole entire world. The vibrant, sunny brown of his orbs reminds them of the goodness still left in mortals. They shimmer, sparkle and flicker with every bit of emotion Renjun feels, for they are too honest not to. It would be nothing short of a crime if they ever lied about his heart.

Y/N's are what he would describe as literal gateways. To where? Well, that, he will always argue. Some nights, when the stars are out, he could swear the entire universe is right there, before him. On other occasions, when what surrounds them are the glistening streaks of dawn, Renjun sees magic in its purest form. He could spend all of his life staring at them and still feel like there's too much left to explore.

"I don't think this foolish decision is yours to make, then", they decide, lightly squeezing his hands and glancing down to the ground. "I would rather live one more hour with you than one hundred lifetimes on my own."

There is a sharp intake in his breath as if a blade had buried itself deep in his stomach. It pains him just the same, he realizes. Hearing them say that and knowing they speak the truth brings tears to his eyes because he knows this is the point where he has to stop them. Stop them from wondering about the "what if's" and from asking that of him. Gods know if they ask again, he won't have the strength to decline.

"I, on the other hand, would like for you to live a very long, happy, fulfilling life," he remarks, hoping the shaking in his voice is not too evident. "And for that to happen, you can't be that much of an idiot, okay? Don't give that away for some human prince, Y/N."

"And what if that human prince is all I care about? What if he is my entire existence, and my one reason to sleep through the nights is to dream about him? What then, Renjun?" they challenge. 

It's rare to see elves speaking in any way that is not moderate, light, but the fire in their voice is nothing like he's ever seen. It's the same anger that fuels them to pull him closer, resting their palms on his warm cheeks and wiping away the tears he didn't know have fallen. 

"Then you must tell me what does that make me. What is this between us?" Renjun mutters, eyes closing with soft flutters. Guilt claws at his chest for not immediately putting an end to it but savouring the moment, feeling himself fall a bit deeper for the elf as each second ticks by.

"Love", Y/N simply states, sighing when his hands come together to hold the small of their back. "It's love."

"A part of me wishes you had not said that", he leans into their touch. "Had you said 'nothing' and stopped torturing me, my heart would have been broken, but I would have been fine. How can I be, now, when all you've just done makes me cherish you more?" he chuckles bitterly.

He knows what they're about to say, and he can't stand to hear it, so he continues talking, eyes indolently opening to scan their features.

"Things are different for us, Y/N. While you don't have to worry about succeeding the throne, that is my fate. To be a good ruler for my people when my own father dies. I can't leave them behind", Renjun breathes, hating the way their hopeful look melts into denial.

"You have a brother, you know? Leave him to rule. We've both seen what it's like to wear the crown, Injun", they grimace. 

It is true. Being part of the royal family means you grow used to many horrible sights and dark secrets. He can't help but wonder what it will be like to live all of that and not have you to keep him sane.

Shaking his head to dissolve querying thoughts, Renjun attempts to focus on something else that is not them. It's dangerous to be that close, feeling their own ragged breaths fawning over his face. He is just one touch away from all he has ever wanted, but one touch away is still forbidden. In that one touch lies his downfall.

As if hearing his prayers, the wind blows stronger, running through his silken, dark locks and messing up Y/N's. It backfires, though. The urge he has to resist now is to run his hands through their hair, pushing away all of the wild strands that frame their face, and he curses. Nothing could ever make this any less difficult for him.

"If Chenle ever becomes king, I pity the people that will live under his hand." 

He smiles, and Y/N realizes he must be attempting to make a joke. They wish they could laugh, but the conclusion behind his words hangs in the air. He won't change his mind, will he?

A sob leaves their body as suddenly as the tears come. Their vision turns misty, and the cold awareness that hits them is too much to manage. Wordlessly, Y/N falls to their knees, hugging their own body in attempts to calm the heartbreaking cries pouring from their lips. The pleasant spring evening turns cold and unforgiving, and the elf loses their bearings for a second, only to realize Renjun has dropped to the ground in front of them.

Neither of them dares to open their eyes when two bodies become one, and the only thing they know is each other. Fingers grasp at robes, armour and leather, and rough sobs blend together in utter heartbreak. Renjun pulls them so close he's not sure which limbs are his or whose tears he's tasting, but it hardly matters. This is where they end.

How much time they spend lost in each other's embraces is unclear. Neither Y/N nor Renjun knows, and they don't want to. Acknowledging time is dangerous here because it means accepting this moment won't last forever, and that is something they can't—won't do. It won't be so until they let it, right?

Wrong, and they know it. The Sun is going down.

When sobs have turned into whimpers and clutches have turned into caresses, Y/N takes the courage to pull away and look at him.

The prince's eyes are red and puffy, much like theirs, they imagine. His pale cheeks are stained with dry tears, and his pretty lips still tremble from the deep breaths. He doesn't meet their gaze until they call his name.

"Renjun", they call once more, admiring the blue hour lights shifting across his dashing features. "I—" Y/N gasps, and he's suddenly terrified of what they'll say. "I think maybe... maybe we should no longer meet. I can't bear to look at you and know you're not mine to take."

Just like that, his fears were confirmed. In his mind, he knows this is how it was supposed to go all along. This is for the best, he reminds himself, even if right now it feels like having your soul ripped to shreds.

"Don't say it like that, Y/N. I've always been, and I'll always be yours", he flashes a watery smile. "Perhaps just... in another lifetime."

The pain becomes too much to handle, and all they can do is close the space between them again. Their last and first kiss is salty, from the tears they both still shed and bittersweet, from the goodbye it speaks.

How poetic, they think, to say goodbye right by a bush of forget-me-nots. I'll surely never forget him.

"Go now", Y/N whispers as they part, "before I kiss you again and never let you go."

A heartbroken chuckle leaves his lips while he touches his forehead against theirs. 

"Remember me, Y/N", he begs, slowly dragging them to their feet. "Remember me like this, young and well, learning what the flowers you mark our spots with look like. Always see me like this: grateful and completely in love with you."

"How could I not, my prince?"

And in truth, how could they not?

To say Y/N never forgot about Renjun is a misunderstanding. They never forgot about him, and they never stopped thinking about him either. His are every emotion they've felt. Every split of every second in every day of their life was and is dedicated to him. His smile is all they see when they close their eyes, and his laughter sounds right by their side whenever they visit the forget-me-not fields. He lived in all of the things surrounding them, and even in the name of that corner right by the tallest red oak: Prince's Lair.

Likewise, his very soul was bound to Y/N from the day they met to the day he died, still in reverence of how much devotion it is possible to feel for someone. He grew older and eventually found a family, yes, and he even went to war. His eyes held visions he would never wish for anyone to see, but they were still his first thought in the morning and the last one in the night when he allowed himself to weep for their lost future. He got to see the most distant borders of many kingdoms, and he got to meet people in all of them. Yet, no creature on this Earth ever compared to Y/N—his Y/N.

Even at the tender age of 18, Renjun was wise. 

Aeons of praying upon the stars never changed their fortune, but maybe there is something else to their fates.

Y/N never stopped loving Renjun, and Renjun loved them until his days were over, but their paths never crossed again.

Perhaps in another lifetime.

[blueluneacy]

Familiar Shore

Hey, so this is a commission for the lovey @lliminall! Thank you so much for commissioning me, it means a lot! This is a continuation of Black Ocean, so go check that out if you haven’t! It’s Bruno bucciarati x reader timeeee

Word Count: 2.8k Warnings: kidnapping, suicide, transformations, just general angst and comfort vibes

The ocean no longer had any color. It was like the moment you woke up on this terrible island, most everything lost color, the strange world you now found yourself in feeling small compared to the extent of the Labyrinth you once knew. You tended to sit by the ocean nowadays, watching the fish that swam up to the shores to see the strange being that liked to sit and watch them. When Bruno first dropped you in his little lair, some minor beasts that inhabited the ocean and the island, but it seemed that in the days that Bruno was gone, he quickly straightened them out. This place was strange in the sense that everyone seemed a lot more docile. You supposed that most people would have considered that ocean uncrossable and that the local wildlife wasn’t used to humans like yourself, leaving to strange circumstances, like finding that the many tailed foxes seemed to like your company, or that after giving some of the gray birds some of your dinner, they perched near you and cawed at the beasts that came towards you.

Of course, that’s not to say things were sunshine and roses. For example, Bruno was actually terrible. A few times you had tried to pull together a raft and get back to shore, only from Bruno to simply tear it apart and carry you back to your little island. A paradise, he called it. Yeah, what a paradise. And you had gone to Jurassic measures. You remembered waking up in that cave after doing something terrible, stepping out to find Bruno sobbing over your lifeless body. You actually felt bad enough to sigh, only for Bruno’s new keen ears to pick up on it and lunge back to you, thanking whatever Gods there were looking out for the two of you that they set your spawn to here, that you would be with him, that he wouldn’t lose you. You cursed those same gods.

But for now, Bruno seemed to leave you alone. Whether it was because he understood that you needed space and time to process this, or just because he was busy with who knows what, you weren’t sure. Maybe he needed a steady supply of torture to sustain him. It would make sense, the way beasts seem to just thrive on destroying any human being that they came into contact with. But, there was also another problem, one that plagued you. It had to be a lie, right? Bruno couldn’t have possibly actually… Turned into a beast, right? No, he had to be one beforehand. There’s no way that a human being could turn into a beast, and even so… Why would he? Bruno was kind and caring… Unless he wasn’t. Until he was completely deranged, dragging you under the depths until you passed out. You didn’t like to think about it, didn’t like to think about those eyes. You just closed your eyes, telling yourself in just another minute, you’d walk the fifty feet back to the cave you had now found as your home, finding the stone becoming increasingly more smooth, the terrible thing that was keeping here making it more homey day by day. What started off as a simple cave with furs on the ground now had furniture, actual walls, even a bed. You still preferred to sleep on the floor if it meant it kept Bruno from holding you. It didn’t.

After a few moments and a lot of convincing yourself to get up, solely just to eat and get some rest as you plotted your way out of this mess, you made your way over to the cave only to stop when you heard voices. One of them you recognized, Bruno, but there was someone actually responding to him. You swallowed, unable to help yourself from hiding at the edge of the cave to listen in to what they were saying.

“I just don’t know if I can make it work, is all. I mean, you’ve seen them. They’re horrified of… This.” Bruno spoke out, leaving the other beast just to scoff.

“They’re horrified that you’re no longer human. Something that you can’t change. Do you honestly believe that you can make them separate this idea of who you once were versus who you are now?” The other beast, for what other creature would be able to speak out with such calm in front of Bruno in the state that he was in now, replied, sounding simply skeptical.

“But you don’t understand, it’s not like I’ve changed. I’m still the same person, I just-”

“Happened to have turned into an eldritch horror beyond basic human comprehension now trapped in a liminal space shaped like a labyrinth. Good pitch.” He sounded so curt, leaving Bruno just to huff.

“I don’t know why I even bothered to ask you.”

“Because you knew I would be honest with you. It would be easiest if you just gave up on the human, Buccellati. Humans are odd, fragile, and emotional. You could easily find a nice beast girl to settle down if you really wanted.” He replied, leaving you just to… ponder. You never really thought of beasts actually speaking to each other, much less loving each other.

“You act as though we’re not humans.” Bruno replied sharply, leaving the other beast to sigh.

“You’re not. We’re not. Sure, maybe at one time, but there’s no way back. Who knows, maybe you and Dio can laugh over this one day.”

“He’s on the other side of the Labyrinth. Speaking of which, how are there other Beasts in this territory? I thought it was supposed to be mine.”

“Oh, only stronger beasts deal with things like territory. Pathetic ones like me, we don’t have that luxury. It’s easier to say you’re with the biggest guy in the room than to try and stake out your own claim in the world. Plenty of territories are filled with beasts that simply stick around for protection or just because they feel like it. I’m surprised you don’t have a line out the door with Beasts asking for your blessing to move in, this is prime real estate.”

“They’re too dangerous for my beloved to be around. I’m particular about the things that might feel too comfortable to try and hurt them.”

“If you’re choosey, then you really made a bad choice in letting me stay.”

“You don’t like humans. I figured you didn’t have the spine to break theirs.” You gasped at that, Bruno’s fine tuned ears finally picking up on your listening in to their conversation and standing up.

“Cara, you can come in. It’s rude to listen in.” He called out to you, leaving you to swallow as you stepped out into the low candlelight of the cave, making your way inside. You just stared at the ground, not wanting to respond for fear of… You weren’t really sure. Bruno didn’t tend to get mad at you, but you didn’t know anything about this other beast. When you caught a glimpse of him, you were a bit skeptical. While Bruno tended to hide his more… Er, Inhuman qualities, this other beast had no qualms about being comfortable. You saw how his silvery hair fell over his shoulders, his painted lips barely concealing rows of sharp teeth and neatly done nails actually claws.

“Tesoro, this is Leone Abbacchio. He’ll be staying near the Shore, so you may see him often.” Bruno told you, leaving you just to roll your eyes.

“Oh boy, another terrifying monster I get to live near! I’ll make sure to bake cookies for the house party.” You replied, leaving Bruno’s face just to set into a grimace while Abbacchio just smiled and rolled his eyes.

“I have no interest in humans, and much less one this scrappy.” He replied, standing up. It took a moment for his insult to click, but once it did, you were ready to fucking fight. Would you lose? Probably. But your honor. But, before you could get a word out, Abbacchio just brushed himself off of bits of sand that seemed to stick at his body, and turned to Bruno.

“I’ll let you two have your lovers quarrel in peace.” And with that, Abbacchio quickly was out of there, leaving you alone with Bruno, who just shook his head as he sat down, motioning for you to sit with him. You did not obey.

“Don’t just stand there, tesoro. Perhaps we should talk. I hate the idea that there’s something wrong with our relationship.” Bruno told you, leaving you just to scoff as you crossed your arms.

“It’s fundamentally wrong, because it’s based on a lie. Me being here isn’t because of love! It’s because of… Because you… I’m your prisoner, Bruno!” You didn’t know why tears were welling up in your eyes, why the pain hit your heart as you spoke the truth, but it did. Your dreams of escaping with Bruno to the outside world, outside of this hell, were crushed entirely. Everything was just a wreck, Bruno had lost it, and beyond it all, he still gave you a pang in your heart. Bruno just shook his head, standing up and you released how much taller than you he was. Was he always this much taller than you? Still, it didn’t matter, you didn’t have the chance to step away before Bruno wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight. It was possessive, but his hand came behind your head, pressing your face into his chest. You gasped as you released he still smelled the same as before, of coastal air and cypress.

“I… I don’t care about that, (Y/n). I can’t lose you, not like everyone else. Please, just stay with me. If I lose you, I know… I know I’ll become like the rest of them. Please, I really do love you. Don’t you love me back?” Bruno’s voice was shaking, as if he were about to cry. You had the instinct to try and comfort him, holding yourself back the best you could.

“I… I don’t know anymore. It feels like… I’m haunted by you at this point. This person you once were and the… Thing you are now.” You replied, leaving Bruno just to sigh and let you go.

“I… But I haven’t changed. I haven’t hurt a single human. If anything, I’m safest out here. No one could possibly come out here, it’ll just be you and me. We can make the life you spoke about here, we can get married and have a family-”

“Bruno, no! We can never have that! You know that! Deep down in your heart, you know that just as well as I do, that this will never work! Even before... “ You looked away, hoping to find some sense of reality in a pace that seems to lack it. God, this was terrible. “We were just chasing after affection, weren’t we? Did we really love each other, or were we just so lonely that we didn’t know what to do and threw ourselves at the idea of human contact?” You replied, leaving Bruno to sigh.

“(Y/n), do you remember how you entered into the Labyrinth?”

“I…. What?” That was out of nowhere. You wondered if maybe he was trying to change the subject, but nonetheless, you shrugged and decided to answer.

“I don’t remember. I was walking through the woods one day, and it was like I got lost… Well, lost forever. I don’t really… Know what I did to deserve all of this.” You replied, leaving Bruno to sigh.

“Is there something back in your old life so pressing that you have to return to it? Is the world outside better than something we could build?” Bruno asked. You wanted to argue so bad, but he was right in a way. There really was nothing that you had going for you back at home. You would go back to work, live your boring, mundane life, but…

“You’re holding me hostage here, Bruno.”

“I’m protecting you. (Y/n), there’s no way out of the Labyrinth unless you have someone from the outside to pull you out. There’s no exit. That is the main secret of the Labyrinth.” He told you, his voice serious, and you knew he was telling the truth.

“I-I… T-Then, what were we searching for all that time?! Why were we… What kind of torture is all this?!” You replied, shaking a bit. You didn’t notice the way your hands were starting to fade and distort, but you didn’t care. “What kind of being would create such a terrible place?!”

“I… I don’t know, tesoro. I really don’t know. But… If there’s no one outside looking for you, you have to understand. Travelling back to the main portion of the Labyrinth is…” He didn’t have to say it. It was a death sentence, a world of torture waiting to happen. You just collapsed, feeling yourself collapse into a pile as you sobbed, trying to find some way, some reason for your entire existence here. You wanted to believe this was a lie, you really did, but something about Bruno’s tone.... How did he even learn this? Did that other beast tell him? Maybe it was just a lie that that beasts told, and Abbacchio knew that Bruno would try to be a sap with you. Torture by proxy. But still… Bruno’s hand hit your back, rubbing it gently as he sat down next to you.

“I… I know. Apparently… Every Beast that is in the Labyrinth was once a human being. One that was never saved.” He told you, leaving you just to go silent. You looked at your hands, the twisting of your own flesh and the accenting of claws that you had been telling yourself was just your nails growing jagged from lack of care. You turned to Bruno, lip quivering.

“I’m just haunted by the ghost of the person I thought I loved, and I don’t know if that person truly is you, or if he was killed in the fire.” You whispered, almost hoping that Bruno wouldn’t hear it. He just pulled you closer, wiping away your tears.

“I… I honestly don’t know. I feel like I am the same person, but who knows. I don’t know what has changed about me, and what hasn’t. All I know is… (Y/n), you keep me whole. You keep me… Good. I can’t explain it. I know you loved that person before, but… Could you ever be able to love me too?” He asked, leaving you just to look at the ground.

“I… I think so. I…” Your eyes just welled up with tears again as you grabbed onto Bruno, sobbing. You mourned for him, for yourself, for the hell that dozens were put through.

“What’s going to happen to me, Bru? Am I going to become a monster?” You asked, leaving the man to just pet your hair, hushing you.

“No matter what you become, you’re still going to be mia cara. And I’ll always love you, no matter what. I promise.” He told you. You looked up, letting your hand run along his cheek as you pressed your lips against his for the first time in forever. And he wasn’t warm the way he once was, but the kiss was still real, and his lips were still soft. When he pulled away, Bruno just held you in his arms, the two of you sharing a soft moment as you both tried to process the new reality that had come upon you. This was now the world you lived in, a world of Beasts and humans who would someday become beasts. If there were gods, they were only malevolent.

“I… I really do love you, (Y/n). I want a life with you. Even if it has to be in this hell, I really do mean what I meant. I think we could create a paradise here. A place just for us, forever.” He told you, and in your week state, you just nodded, letting Bruno hold you as you closed your eyes.

“I… I love you too. I’ve always loved you.” You told him, feeling your eyes get heavy as you cuddled up with Bruno. You looked into his eyes again, seeing that blue you had fallen in love with in the beginning, the Fisherman’s son who was determined to get home, with that serious look on his face, but full of hope. His eyes still had hope, though. For some reason, that seemed to comfort you, seemed to make you feel like things… Might be okay. Maybe not now, but someday.

For the last time that night, you dreamed of that idyllic life you once wanted with Bruno, in the old world on the ocean, a family and kids and peace. When you awakened in the arms of the beast, you were finally ready to throw it away.

[peppersonironi]

For @duketectivecomics‘s Duke Week Day Five: Leadership (A day late, I know, but I had wifi trouble)

Summary: Nightwing offers Signal a chance to lead a small group for a mission. Duke is wary, but accepts the challenge. He proves to be a rather great leader.

Notes: Takes place after Season Two of Young Justice, and ignores Season Three (I still haven’t seen it, unfortunately).

“So will you do it?” Duke looked over at Dick, who had decided to brave the day as Nightwing in order to ask a favor.

“I’m not sure, Nightwing, That’s your team, and I’m perfectly happy taking care of Gotham.”

Dick pouted and dramatically flung himself over the nearest gargoyle. “You sure? I could really use the help. Don't you want to lend aid to your poor, poor brother?”

“You are literally a billionaire.”

“Ha ha, Signal. You know what I mean.”

Duke sighed and joined Dick beside the gargoyle. “Yeah, I do. Are you sure you need me? Why not Tim? Steph? Heck, even Damian would love the chance to boos those guys around.”

Dick sighed. “I told you, The mission occurs at the same time as one on the opposite side of the world, which I already have Tim scheduled for. Steph is woking a case in Hong Kong with Cass. And Frankly, I doubt the Team would appreciate Damian's … style of leadership. This one is smaller, and less of a priority. I have some of the newbies and more older members on it, but none of them have experience with leading stealth missions.”

“So give one of them the experience!” Duke was getting a bit exasperated. Why did Dick think it would be a good idea to handle a mission on a covert team he'd never even met before?

“It's not that simple.” Dick frowned. “This mission is time sensitive, and delicate. It really does need someone with experience leading it, but all my best people are elsewhere.”

Duke tilted his head, considering. “Why me?”

Dick laughed. “Why NOT you? Seriously, Signal. You handled a whole group of Robins, by yourself. No Batman. You proved yourself, and you've earned respect. I trust you with this.”

Duke considered, thinking through everything Dick had said. “Alright,” He sighed, “What's the mission?”

*****

“Team, I'd like you to meet Signal. He'll be joining you on the mission, as well as over seeing things.” Nightwing stood at the front of the group of heroes, turning to where Duke had just come in from the zeta tubes.

Duke walked forward, surveying the group. “ 'Sup?” He asked, unsure of what else to say.

“Signal, meet Beast Boy, Kid Flash, Wonder Girl, and Blue Beatle.”

Duke nodded and extended his hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“I've been waiting to meet you for so long, dude!” Kid Flash said, racing forward to shake Duke's hand. “I've heard all about you, but the dates on when you actively joined the guys in Gotham were murky, and since I couldn't ask Nightwing or Robin – wait, does that mean Tim's no longer Robin? Why didn't he say anything? Unless the history books got it wrong, in which case woah, sorry I said anything – anyway  it was a bit of a tricky situation. Of course, I probably could have looked it up on the internet, but that feels like cheating y'know?”

Duke blinked several times. “Um, thanks, I guess? I didn't really think anyone bothered with me.”

“Are you kidding?!” Kid Flash was literally bouncing at this point. “You're one of the coolest bats! You patrol during the day, for one thing, plus your costume is pretty crash. Not to mention you're literally the only meta human Batman has ever let stay in Gotham! Although Black Bat might be one, no one was ever really clear on that.”

“You're a meta human?!” Beast Boy asked, shoving Kid Flash to the side. “Seriously? And you work with Batman?! How does that work?”

Duke laughed. “Yes, I am a meta. No, Black Bat isn't. She's just awesome. And I was Batman's protege before I gained my powers. When we found out, we kinda just rolled with it.”

“Translation,” Nightwing added, “He grumbled a bit before deciding that the rule only really covers Green Lantern.”

“Didn't it always though?” Duke asked his brother.

Nightwing laughed. “Probably. He never seemed to keen on Superman either, to be honest.”

Duke frowned. “Wait, then why did he stop by for tea last week?”

“Wait, he did?! Why wasn't I invited?!”

Duke shook his head and tsked. “Downside to no longer living at the house dude, that's all I'm saying.”

The Team was looking back and forth at the exchange. “Wait,” Blue Beatle said, holding up his hands. “Superman comes over for tea, at Batman's house, which you live in, but Nightwing doesn't anymore?”

“Yup,” Both of the bats said.

Blue Beatle blinked, then nodded. “Alright then.”

“What are your powers,” Wonder girl asked.

“Light stuff, basically,” Duke said. “I can see in several different light spectrums, lets me do a bunch of stuff, like limited x-ray vision. I can also 'replay' what happens in rooms, due to the light residue. I can also see a few seconds into the future.”

Everyone blinked at him.

“Not to mention you can control shadows!” Nightwing added helpfully.

Duke cringed. “Yeah, but that's new. I'm not really familiar with it.”

Everyone stared, except Kid Flash, who just continued bouncing.

“Alright,” Nightwing said after a moment, “Let's get on with the briefing.”

*****

The mission was simple: Infiltrate a high rise owned by Lex Luther in San Francisco, and retrieve information that was being stored on a hard drive. Said drive was only going to be present in the tower for twelve hours, nine of which Lex was also present. Hence the need for a small team, and the precise timing.

The infiltration was scheduled at 1400 hours, after Lex had left for lunch, and before the buyer of the information had arrived. Duke had been given the plans of the building, and multiple suggested strategies. One of these strategies was modified by Duke, and was what led Beast Boy (who insisted Duke call him Garth) turning into a fly in order to get through the vents.

“Are you sure I can't go for something more fun?” Garth asked on the way to San Francisco, “Like a snake? Maybe even a monkey!”

“No,” Duke had said, “A fly is the best option, it's the least likely to set off motion sensors.” At the disappointed face, however, Duke conceded, “You can be a monkey when you open the side entrance.” Garth had whooped in triumph, and Duke had to crack a smile.

Once Beast Boy had managed to get into the building, he made his way to the main security center and dismantled whatever detection systems Lex had in place, allowing Kid Flash (Bart, Duke learned) and Signal himself to make their entrance. The trio made their way to Lex's office, only needing to take out a single guard, and retrieve the hard drive from one of Lex's many (There were like thirty, sheesh) safes in the room. The cracking of said safe took longer than initially planned, but Duke managed to hack the system in time for the guard change. Boy was he glad Tim taught him how to hack.

With the target in hand, they made their way out to the back alley, where Blue Beatle (Jaime, he said his name was) and Wonder Girl (Cassie) were keeping watch. They were almost caught at one point, but Duke saw the guards coming and quickly shoved his teammates into a closet, along with himself. In the end, two guards who were lagging behind on their shift change intercepted them, but Blue Beetle knocked one out, and Wonder Girl got the other.

“Took you long enough,” Cassie said with a grin when she saw the trio returning.

Duke grinned right back at her. “You have any trouble?”

“If these two count as trouble,” She replied, kicking one of the goons.

“Sounds crash!” Kid Flash replied. “How about we get out of here before something blows up?”

Duke frowned. “Why would anything blow up?”

Everyone turned and gave him a look. “You'd be surprised,” Blue Beetle said.

“Better not jinx it, then.” Duke spook, and the team made their escape.

*****

“ - Complete insubordination! Do you know what you did?!”

Duke paused at the doors, looking in on the meeting room where he and the others were supposed to go for their debriefing. Turns out, the other part of the Team was already there, and being chewed out by Batman himself.

“This was supposed to be a covert mission, and you go and get the entire building blown up!” Huh, they weren't kidding about explosions, Duke thought. “You clearly disobeyed the mission parameters, opting instead to joyride with the robots you were sent to destroy! Do you know how many lives you put in danger?!”

“It wasn't our fault!” Tim Drake, better known as Red Robin (Though Duke thought Bart mention that he still went as Robin here? Boy, Damian was gonna be pissed!) told Batman. “The robots got activated remotely, and dragged us along. In the end, they self destructed!”

Batman sighed, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “I let Kaldur go one one vacation …”

“You can at least acknowledge we got the job done.” Tim said, and Bruce sighed once more. He looked so tired, and Duke could barely hold in a grin. From the scared faces of everyone else in the room, Duke gathered that no one else found it quite so funny.

“Yes, you got it done,” Batman conceded, “But your methods are far from acceptable! All of you need to reevaluate how you-”

“It's almost kinda funny when I'm not the one being chewed out!” Duke turned to find Jaime and Garth standing in the door beside him, the latter of whom had spoken.

“Oh it's definitely funny,” Duke replied. “I've had front row seats to these types of things since I joined the bats. I”m almost never the one in trouble. Surprised it's Tim, though. Usually Nightwing.”

Both of their eyes widened. “Nightwing is the one in trouble?”

“Yup. We – the other bats and I – have a running bet on how long the rants last. B's best record is two hours, fifty minutes, thirty-seven seconds. It was right after Nightwing spray painted the bat-suit glittery pink, though I'm pretty sure Spoiler helped.”

Jaime opened and closed his mouth for a few moments. “Wow.”

Just then, Bart and Cassie showed up. “Are we late for the debriefing?” The latter asked.

Duke shrugged and pointed into the room, where Batman had moved onto a rant about aerial combat and unneeded fuel. “Nope, There's is running late.”

The group turned and went back to viewing the scene before them. After another fifteen minutes, Batman said. “I have another team coming in soon for debriefing, so let's hope that they were at least partially competent.”

Duke thought that would be as good a place as any to make an entrance, so he brought his fist to his mouth and coughed a bit.

Everyone turned slowly to find the grinning group standing at the doorway.

“Signal,” Batman said, and Duke knew he was relieved, “Did you just get back?”

“We've been standing here for twenty minutes, B. Seriously, your lecturing skills have not gone unpracticed.”

Batman sighed, putting his fingers on the bridge of his nose, not a sight unfamiliar to Duke, but from the gaping mouths, Duke was pretty sure no one else thought anything about the exchange was normal. “Please tell me your mission went well?”

“Without a hitch,” Duke replied grinning. “We got in and out easily. Had a tad of trouble with hacking the safe, but we got it open.” Duke turned to Tim, “Thanks for those lessons last week, they really paid off.”

Tim grinned “Welcome. Wanna continue when we get home?”

Duke nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Were there any complications?” Batman growled.

“We took out three guards quietly, and avoided two more that I saw coming right before they turned a corner, but other than that, no.”

Batman glared suspiciously down at Duke, who only smiled. “Any explosions?”

Duke frowned. “What is it with this team and explosions?” Batman glared some more, “Calm down B, no explosions. Everything was quiet.”

Batman nodded. “Good job, Signal. You dropped off the target with Nightwing, I assume?” At Duke's nod, he continued, “You get head back to Gotham, then. Finish your report in the cave, and finish up your patrol if you want. I'll make a note on the file if we ever need you again.” He paused, and looked critically at Duke. “Would you?”

Duke looked back at Garth, Jaime, Bart, and Cassie, who were all nodding their heads furiously. “Sure,” Duke said, “Why not?”

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

What do you think would be the Gokaiger’s relationship with other riders. Because they’ve met who? Gentaro? And Tsukasa and Daiki? But there are truly so many characters™️ beyond 100% friendship and 100% annoying bitch (Gentaro and Decade boys respectively). Do you think they would be friends with any of them? (This thought sponsored by the little Gokai and Build plushes that are currently sitting on my bed together)

Man, I don’t think they’ve even really met Gentarou, despite Super Hero Taisen being theoretically a Fourze movie he was more just...present for parts of it. Eiji’s the one I think they’ve really met, they got to do that rad full-team OOO transformation. (We actually have a TaJaDor Ranger Key, it’s cute.) They seemed to get along ok with him.

I hear you on the plush, too, I have some little palm-sized guys on my printer in my office, so I spend every work day chilling with Doc, Philip, Shoutaro, and Kouta.

Anyway, given the whole Super Hero Taisen incident, I imagine most pre-Fourze Riders would be a little wary of Marv, but there’s no reason I can think of why they couldn’t eventually get past that. Of course, then we run into potential personality clashes, so let’s think this out:

Kuuga--Godai would not be keen to be addressed as “Kamen Rider Kuuga,” but if the pirates can be broken of that then he’s inherently a pretty friendly guy. I suspect he’d get along especially well with Doc, given that he knows how to do basically everything.

Agito--Shouichi and Ahim were made to be friends--he’d also get along with Doc and Gai immediately, I think. Hikawa might have a difficult time adjusting to the idea of chilling with pirates, but Marvelous would definitely love teasing him. I feel like Ryou would hit it off with Joe and Luka?

Ryuki--As long as they’re not trying to kill people I think Shinji would be cool with pretty much anyone. He could write about them for ORE Journal. Ren and Luka would butt heads a little, maybe, since they’re both really cranky and aggressive.

555--Ok this one is just a recipe for disaster. Honestly I think the Gokaigers would get along better with the Orphnoch trio (Kiba and Yuka and Kaido) than with the folks at the laundromat. The thought of Joe just, punching Kusaka in the jaw is pretty life-giving though.

Blade--I feel like this one is less “Gokaigers hang out with Riders�� and more “Kenzaki tries to hitch a ride off-planet and then realizes that if he leaves Earth then there’s only one Joker again.” He could give them a letter for Hajime, though.

Hibiki--I don’t know if any of the Gokaigers know how to have a dad, I think they’d be very confused by their reactions to Hibiki.

Kabuto--Either another recipe for disaster or fifteen minutes of Tendou and Marvelous having a stare-down followed by forty-five minutes of Tendou and Doc trading recipes. Ahim can make Kagami some tea, the poor guy needs it.

Den-O--Can the Den-Liner go into space? That’d be cool. Luka spends the entire time flirting with Naomi. Momotaros and Marvelous arm-wrestle. Also it occurs to me that Joe and Doc did meet the Imagins, however briefly, so they could catch up a little.

Kiva--How this goes depends entirely on whether or not there’s time-travel involved, because if they’re in the past then the whole situation immediately becomes a lost chapter of Ranma 1/2. If they’re in the present, I think Ahim would meet Wataru and immediately love him, they could have tea together in the garden. Nago would need to be restrained.

Decade--Extensively covered by canon.

W--Shoutaro is in no way prepared to meet space pirates, they’re so out-of-genre for his beautiful noir lifestyle. Meanwhile Philip would climb all over the Galleon, asking about how it works, to the entire crew’s bemusement. I suspect Terui would be a major personality crash though.

OOO--Also covered in canon.

Fourze--Friendship!

Wizard--I think they met in Super Hero Taisen Z, but I’ve blocked out most of that one out because it made no sense. Nitoh and Marvelous would hit it off immediately. Although I can also see some potential conflict between them, since Haruto’s primary color is red and Marvelous does have. Tendencies.

Gaim--I am. Genuinely tempted to write a story about the Galleon dropping anchor on Planet Helheim and immediately getting confronted by Kouta, wanting to know what the hell is up with them.

Drive--Something in my heart says that Gou and Gai would immediately be best friends.

Ghost--I mean, Takeru is inherently an amiable guy, so he’d definitely get along with all of them. What really gets me is actually the image of Joe and Makoto being introduced and hitting it off right away as in the background all of their friends try to manage this sudden case of double vision.

Ex-Aid--Luka loves men who are absolute hot messes, so I suspect she’d meet Emu and think, “ah, yes, this is a friend.” I also think she’d find Kiriya hilarious. Joe could charm Hiiro with cake. Marvelous would try to convince Parad to join the crew because he’s funny. Taiga is not allowed near this meeting.

Build--I think if he was presented with the idea that there are worlds where saving everyone doesn’t involve destroying yourself Sento might collapse. Luka would love Banjou, though. So would Ahim, I think.

Zi-O: “Oh. You’re the ones Daiki was telling Joe about.” “Oh, hey! You’re their pirate friends!” “Well, Joe and Doc are Daiki’s pirate friends. Decade and I are acquaintances at best.”

Zero-One: Still haven’t seen this one but from what I’ve gathered I think Yua would meet Ahim and Luka and immediately feel right at home.

Saber: Doc and Tetsuo would enjoy each other’s company quietly. Ren and Gai would enjoy each other’s company loudly. Rintarou and Joe would just vibe.

[elsapheonix]

Wolffe with a halo

“Hey Wolffe, look there's a letter here” Gregor called

“Alright” I called

“It’s for you can I read it?” Gregor asked

“For me? Uhh no I’ll be there in just a second” I said and I left the Bedroom and went the table where Gregor was. He handed me the Letter. My breath caught when I saw the handwriting on the envelope

Return Address:

Wild space Coordinates

G-9 76937-O-930

Commander Wolffe Koon

Seelos

AT-AT Imperial Walker

“Oh my….” I said trailing off and then I tore into the letter before my fear caused me to throw it away.

My Beloved Wolffe Koon,

Kah-ta-yar Wolffe, how are you after all these years? These year go by slow without you here by my side, it’s been so long. I still love you more than anything else. Especially more than my own life. I even discarded rules for you. The Jedi Code was probably the biggest one, but I didn't care and i still don't. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you, not a day goes by without me missing you, my Angel. It’s so hard being away from you day in and day out. It’s hard to do anything without you. You were, still are, and will always be my everything, my life, my world, my angel and my reason for living, for fighting, for existing. I believe it’s the will of the force that we meet and that I fell in love with you. Too me you are an Angel from the force. I could go on but then I’d need an entire notebook and it’s not easy to put a notebook in a envelope. You would know.

Do you ever think of the good times, Angel? About the Clone wars? I know I do. Almost everyday. The wolfpack was my family, My clan, My Aliit. Although they are not really my Brothers It sometimes felt as they were. Aliit ori'shya tal'din, Family is more than blood. I loved each and everyone of them, no man was just a clone. Losing then was the worst part of Order 66.

I miss everything of the clone wars, i guess when you grow up in a war zone you come too miss it when life changes. I miss taking down clankers, pranking shinnies with boost, leading assaults, hanging out with boost and sinker, destroying astromechs, fighting the sith, disobeying direct orders, Pissing off Rex, being able to use my lightsabers, spending countless hours with you doing ship duties, us breaking rules just so Master Plo would put us on deck duty while they all went down to battle, our countless arguments, even the ones over stupid things, scaring you with my piloting, you spending the night with me when I had the bad dreams, goofing off while doing paper work with you and the time we spent in the med after one of us had gotten hurt. I miss you're singing, and the silly little pet names you had for me. Most of all I miss Master Plo and you. I miss you more than him, Angel.

I had thought I had lost you forever after the purge, I wish I had not left you Angel, it has bothered me for longer than i can remember. I was a fool when I thought we were better a part, when in reality we are always better together. I had an harder time hiding from the empire on my own, I actually have been captured and escaped many times each time changing my name. I now go by Elisa Koon and have not been captured since Ahsoka and I started the rebels. I’ve made many reckless and stupid decisions. Some of them i’m sure would had been prevented had you been with me or had I stayed with you. I was a coward for leaving you and running like i did. I was afraid. I didn't even thank you for saving my life, Didn't even say goodbye. I abandoned you and I’m so so sorry.

I would like to see you again even if you don't look the same as you did before. It’s been so long and Rex says I need to stop pushing people away, I haven’t let anyone get close to me. He’s right I need to stop pushing people away and locking them out, Especially my Angelic Riduur. Speaking of Rex he couldn't figure out who I was and I eventually had to tell him who I was then he told me that you and gregor were camping out in an Imperial Walker on Seelos hunting Juppa's. That doesn't seem like a good way to spend the rest of your days.

Personally I think you’d be better off here with me Angel. I know you don't want too join our fight against the empire and you don't have to if you don't want too. I would never make you do anything. If you were to come I will protect you, I won't let anyone hurt you, never again. You remember that promise I made too you after Kholum right? Well, I’ll still stand too it. No one is ever going to hurt you again on my watch, not if I can help it, Angel.

I don't use my Lightsabers much anymore unless I have too, but I do keep them on me at all times, hidden of course. I mentioned I had to use a different name right? Elisa Koon, I have it as the shortened version of my real name Elizabeth Koon, Force how I hate that name. I’ve lost count of how many I have had. All have been shortened versions of my real one. I’ve used a different last name every time. I’ve been El Vizsla, Eliz Diana, Lily Uma, Lisa Tiana, Lisbeth Bonjo, Ela Vila, Izzy Tuttle, Libby Gulo, Beth Di Angelo, Bess Lupus, Bette Kyzie, Bessie Humble, and once I even used my full name Elizabeth Phoenix. Now I am Elisa Koon.

I decided it was time that I went back to my married name. I have even started to wear the diamond band you gave me again. If you do come I would like to redo our vows or even do a public wedding since the one we had was private. I’m sure you’d like that to.

We have found many of our Vods, Angel. Several of them, like yourself, don't want too fight so we provide them shelter and protection, I’m over that part of the rebellion. Some of them fight only as a last resort if we are really in a pickle, actually that's how all of them are. They like to help with planning and spare small jobs we have that need to be done, Comet, Sinker and Boost are some of the ones that are around.

The rebellion is lead by Ahsoka Tano, Separatist leader Commander Sato, Hera Syndulla and myself. We have been helping many systems who are in need because of the empire. Oh yeah, Senator bail Organa and princess Leia Organa secretly lead us in our fight while pretending to support the empire. I’ve edited my Armor, added extensions to it and made it bigger so it would fit me, I also changed it’s color from purple to grey. It’s markings match the ones on you're clone armor.

If you and Gregor do come I’ll find a cure for your fast aging. We’ve found cures for the ones that are here, aside from Rex, but it’s different for every clone, we have a serem but it has to be altered for every clone, we are currently altering it for Rex and I’m sure we could alter the serum for gregor. Not so sure about yourself since at one point you were a Werewolf. We may have to unblock the werewolf part of your blood, which would make you a wolf again.

I know you might not be too keen too that Idea but I highly doubt the serum could be altered for you seeing as you have wolfblood in you still. It wasn't actually removed like you thought I just used the force to contain it and make it inactive. We will try to do the serum but if we can't i’m going to free the wolf-blood. I don’t want you to die on me anytime soon. I don’t think I could live without you my beautiful Angel. It’s not fair that we are the same age yet you're near the end of your life.

It’s boring here, some of these guys have less personality than some of than some of the shinnes fresh off of Kamino did. And that’s saying something.

After battles were always fun with you and the wolfpack. Especially if Rex and the 501st were involved. Those boys were always having a party. I remember Rex’s favorite phrase at those times “It’s always a party in the 501st”

Master Skywalker is not Darth Vader like we thought he was. So the mystery of who Darth Vader is, is still open. Master Skywalker is currently being held at an imperial complex. Highest security one. I think the emperor is keeping him alive too use his force signature too give to whomever darth vader is too make it seem as if master Skywalker is Darth Vader.

I know for a fact he’s not I came across files, imperial files of where he is being kept and his cell number. That's not information I can put in this letter. I have a few guesses at who Vader is.

I think he is Master Jrul, Master Pong Krell, or Master Quinlan Vos. Though he could be another fallen Jedi I think these three are the most likely. This would be a conversation best for comms or better yet being face to face.

I really wish you were here with me Angel, I need someone who understands me. I need you more than I ever thought my Angel.

If you decide to come you can write and I’ll come pick you up or you can just call Rex, I’m not in the command center often so the chances of them getting a comm message to me is slim.

Hope too see you again Angel,

Love,

Elsa Phoenix-Koon

“I...She….” I stumbled over the words I wanted to say. Gregor took the letter from my hands, I was in complete shock and could feel my eyes starting to water. “She still loves me” I finally choke out

“Of course she does Wolffe, she’s your wife, she’ll love you no matter what” Gregor says

“She’d be safer finding someone else” I say

“You don’t really belive that do you?” Gregor says

“I miss her, but I don’t want to risk hurting her” I say

“I doubt you could ever hurt her, she’s a strong kid” Gregor says, “We should go, sounds too me that she really wants you there”

“But…”

“No buts” Gregor says “I’m comning Rex”

“Wonderful” I say when Gregor leaves the room.

[ineffablegame]

GO prompt idea? Spending time with the Them after the apocalypse, Aziraphale gets a nagging thought that he can never have children. Crowley is there to comfort.

I’m sorry, but this ended up being quite different from your prompt!  I hope you don’t mind (if it’s any consolation, I’m doing something in a similar vein in a bigger work!). 

Also published on my Ao3.  

Rain

It’s Gabriel who plants the seed in his mind, oddly enough – odd that one of the beings least enamored of Adam Young could rouse Aziraphale to the boy’s defense.

They are at their customary check-in meeting, the sort that have become distinctly less customary since Armageddon failed to occur.  Crowley warns Aziraphale not to attend constantly, fretting that they will discover the ruse or overcome their fear and destroy him, but Aziraphale is less concerned.  Upstairs scarcely knew him before Armageddon; they cannot possibly know him now.

Besides, skipping meetings has always bothered him.  He might have gone native, as it were, but he still believes in punctuality and doing things the Proper Way.    

“Well, Aziraphale,” Gabriel says, a little too briskly to be casual, “it sounds like everything is going…”  A pause, the phrase as expected delicately skirted. “…as usual.”

“Indeed.”  Aziraphale clasps his hands behind his back and slants a look at the other Archangels. Sandalphon and Uriel stand at a distance, Michael a few daring steps closer.  All three look like startled deer, frozen on the cusp of bolting.  Feeling a little smug and a little sorry for them, he says, “Well, I suppose I should be on my way.”

Gabriel nods with a tight smile and turns on his heel.  As the Archangels stride out, Aziraphale catches a scrap of their muttering, Sandalphon’s reedy whine:  “…if only that Antichrist boy hadn’t…”

“If only someone hadn’t mislaid him,” Michael adds.

“We should have dealt with that brat long ago,” Gabriel says.  He never bothered to learn the trick of quieting himself, has never considered that someone may not want to hear him.  His voice carries.  “Thrown him into the ocean.  Like the Nephilim.”

-

Seated alone on a bench in St. James’s Park, Aziraphale stares into the middle distance.  His mind is far away, his skin insensate to the warm drizzle of rain as it gathers like clotting blood.  His thoughts are a wound, at once raw and knitted, oozing and bandaged.  His gaze may be vacant, but his ethereal senses are immersed in another place: a place of scabby knees and dirt-crusted fingernails, of sunlight skewering through branches and the rapid percussion of cards snapping on tire spokes.  Aziraphale is physically in London, but his thoughts circle Tadfield in silent flight.

There they are, in Hogback Wood – three children, one Antichrist, and one former Hellhound.  The children are all dressed in striped shirts and tattered jeans.  The girl, Aziraphale forgets her name, she has a bandana cinched around her head, wiry wisps of curls escaping every which way. The bespectacled boy wears a carefully-arranged eyepatch.  The grubby boy is sleeved in smeared ink marks on both arms, designs that bring Crowley’s serpent mark to mind.

Standing at the center of their group, a wooden sword clasped in one hand – little more than a short stick tied to a long one, playacting hilt and blade – is Adam Young. He lifts his chin, resolute.

“You’ve mutinied for the last time, first mate Brian,” he says in a tone of unshakable authority.  “Now you gotta walk the plank.”

“But it wasn’t just me!” Brian protests.  “Wensleydale made me do it!”

“Actually,” says Wensleydale, “I’m only the pirate cook.”  His voice is the tonal equivalent of a side-eye.  “I can’t make you do anything.”

“I told you,” Adam cuts in, “you can be first mate next time.  Brian’s first mate now because he picked the longer straw.  ‘Sides, without you, we’d all starve on the high seas.”

“Why’re the seas high?” Brian asks, unperturbed by his death sentence.  “Are the waves taller than normal?”

“Don’t be stupid,” the girl sneers.  “It means they’re full of adventure.”

“Pepper’s right,” Adam says.  “It’s only a figure of speech.”

Aziraphale’s mind floats, unbidden, away from the bickering children.  It floats away from the time and the place, rising and rising through the years, the decades, the centuries, the millennia. It alights in another world, an older one.  A harder one.

He sees them, each face stark and cut-glass precise even in memory.  The children before the flood.  Most were ordinary, of course:  human through and through.  But there had been others.  Children with an uncanny brightness in their eyes, children who were stronger, sharper, and more beautiful than the others.  They grew immense, formidable, and left their human playmates behind to wriggle and rot in the dust.  People whispered that such children were favored by God, but that was only propaganda. Giants, the Hebrews called them.  Nephilim.

Heaven’s mistake, that’s what they were: children born of unions between angels and human women.  Back then, when the world was new, the angels had looked upon God’s favored children with envy.  Envy breeds contempt, and contempt breeds a desire to see a foe laid low.  And what better way to ruin the humans than to defile their women?

Aziraphale had never been involved in the mess with the Nephilim.  Perhaps he had been soft toward humans, even then, or perhaps he had unconsciously seen the writing on the wall and known to keep his distance.  He was but an innocent bystander.

“Not the kids,” Crowley had said, the words tinged with shock, disgust, horror.  “You can’t kill kids.”

God hadn’t liked the Nephilim.  She hadn’t liked a great deal of things about the new world She’d made.  And so, in Her infinite wisdom, She rent the world apart. A handful of humans survived, but not one of them carried a drop of angelic blood in their veins.

Aziraphale had thought himself an innocent bystander.  Now, looking back, he wonders.

Lost in the mire of memory, Aziraphale is startled back to the present by a blow of occult energy.  Reeling, hands unconsciously clutching the seat of the bench, he strains his sight on Hogback Wood.  Adam Young stares back at him, brow furrowed.

Then, abruptly, the Antichrist is sitting beside him on the bench.  The stick in his hand is transformed, a sword gleaming with tongues of hellfire.  The angel startles.  “A-Adam. What a pleasant—”

“Why’re you watching me?” Adam asks, without venom or preamble.

“I…”  Aziraphale trails off, considers making excuses.  Decides against it. I don’t know.”

Adam gives Aziraphale a narrow look, and the angel fights an urge to shrink back.  This boy could crack open his head like an egg, spill out his thoughts in stringy runnels. Aziraphale knows this, and so does Adam.

“I could make you tell me,” the boy says, “if I wanted.”

Aziraphale remembers uncanny eyes, minds as keen as honed blades.  “If you wanted to, yes.”

Adam swings his legs and stares at Aziraphale.  Drizzling rain clings to his curls, runs down his face in rivulets. Droplets hiss and steam off the burning steel of his sword.  “Where’s your friend?”

Aziraphale blinks, thrown.  “I… I don’t know.”

“Seems wrong, you without him,” Adam remarks.

“It is,” Aziraphale admits, and is startled by his own candor.  Adam must be leaning on him, just a little.  “Now, that’s hardly sporting.”

“You were spying on me.”

“Aha.  Point taken.”

“Seems to me that if someone tries to shoot you and then spies on you, you should be allowed.  A little.”

Aziraphale gives a nervous titter.  “W-well, you do forget that we helped you.  Between those two things.”

“Yeah.”  Adam lifts his sword, considering.  Firelight plays hellish and bright across his face, and his gaze is distant.  “Guess you did.”  He lowers the blade and looks at Aziraphale.  “What’s wrong, then?”

“Nothing,” Aziraphale sighs.  “Only I’m very old, and I’ve made many mistakes.”

“Huh.”  Adam shrugs. “I don’t see why grown-ups are so stuck on what they did wrong.  They can always try and do better.”

Aziraphale turns and stares, owlish, at the boy.  He sits, slouched and rain-damp and grubby, all the power in the universe clasped in his fist.

“Your friend’s coming,” Adam says.  “I think he’s worried, so I’ll go.”

“Oh.”  The sound is barely more than a breath.  “Well. Until next time, Adam.”

“Bye.”

When Crowley happens upon Aziraphale – looking for all the world like he’s out on a stroll, belied only by the tense line of his shoulders, the briskness of his steps – he finds the angel alone.  Aziraphale looks up at him and offers a faint smile.  “Crowley.”

“Aziraphale.”  An edge rasps along the syllables of his name.  “You should’ve let me know you were back.”

“I only just arrived.”

“Still.”  Crowley’s mouth slants, purses.  Aziraphale wants to learn the corners of that mouth, the softness and demand.  “You could’ve…”

He really was worried, Aziraphale realizes. All the fretting and discouragement – all to cover his fear.

Aziraphale stands and Crowley trails off, knowing before he’s aware.  The angel has made many mistakes over the millennia – things he’s done and things he’s left undone – and suddenly it seems the simplest thing in all of Creation to do one good thing, and enfold the demon in his arms.  Crowley is angular but pliant, stiff for just an instant before seeming to melt against him, into him.  His mouth tastes of rain.

“Oh,” Crowley says when they part.  His face is flushed up to the tips of his ears.  “Huh.  Missed—missed me, did you?”

“I did,” Aziraphale says, smiling gently.  “For a very long time.”  He takes the demon’s hot, damp hands in his own.  “Let’s go back to the bookshop.”

“Right.  Right.” Crowley coughs.  “Right.”

“I have a Bordeaux that would be quite to your liking.”

“Hnngh.  Right. Yes.”

“Do you mind if we walk?  I’ll cover you if the rain gets worse.”

“I know you will.”

“Of course.  Let’s be off, dear.”

“Lead the way, angel.”

[hoodedsuns]

Aftertaste of Cherry | Ten

Genre: Street Racer!AU, Fluff & a hint of Angst

Summary: Ten wasn’t one to go on late night adventures. He wasn’t really a risk taker and would much rather prefer being curled up in bed watching a movie. And yet he still somehow manages to end up at a very illegal street race, where he met you.   

Word Count: 2.1K

“Tell me again why you dragged me all the way here in the middle of the night?” Ten couldn’t help but huff out as he glared grumpily at a way too cheery Johnny, eyebrows raised as he silently questioned whether or not his precious free time was worth being sacrificed for whatever spontaneous adventure his roomate had once again decided to drag him into. Ten had been lounging on the couch in his faded black hoodie, mindlessly scrolling through instagram while waiting for his cup noodle to finish cooking so that he could officially start his netflix binge, when Johnny suddenly busted in through the front door with a smile that Ten had learned to associate with less than pleasant ideas.   

“Don’t be such a downer, you need some excitement in your life once in awhile!” Ten sneered at the implications behind Johnny’s words, hands wrapping themselves around Johnny’s neck as he faked strangling him, trying hard to suppress his amused grin when the older boy dramatically chocked before “passing out” by crumbling to the floor. Admittedly, he does spend most of his time in the dance room, but it wasn’t as though he was purposely cooping himself up in there. He just couldn’t help but accidently lose track of time and all sense of reality. “No but seriously, what are we here for?” The once miniscule bubble of anxiety that resided in Ten’s heart couldn’t help but expand and burst as the words “street racing” left Johnny’s mischievously quirked lips. 

Ten’s eyes darted around his surroundings, only now noticing the crowds of rather sketchy looking people who were dressed in all black, each of them easily blending into the darkness of the barely lit industrial road, the only real indicator of a human’s presence being the bitter smoke that would occasionally escape someone’s parted lips. He unconsciously wrinkled his nose in disdain at the thought of breathing in all that second-hand smoke that filled the air before he turned back to Johnny, hands gesturing around panickedly. “Isn’t this illegal?” It was a rhetorical question that Ten already knew the answer to but he still couldn’t help but ask, holding onto the futile hope that maybe whoever was in-charge of this race really did have the permission to legally use this scrappy looking place that they were currently standing in. In the event that the cops choose to visit on this very night, Ten knew that there was no way that he would be swift enough to escape the jaws of the law considering that this was their first time here which meant that they weren’t really familiar with this place, and Ten really wasn’t keen on having to explain to his parents why he was here in the dead of the night instead of being back in his dorm studying. Granted, he wouldn’t be studying right now even if he was back in bed but he’s confident they’d agree that it was a significantly better option than whatever was going on here.

“Don’t worry too much about it, what are the odds that the police will come,” Johnny attempted giving Ten a comforting smile but judging from how the latter was fiddling with the drawstrings of his hoodie anxiously, it was safe to say that he didn’t feel very comforted. “Look, I’m only here because my friend knows one of the racers and I just couldn’t turn down his invitation so since we’re already here just try to relax and have some fun tonight alright?”

Questions about this mysterious friend and his potentially dangerous racer friend immediately replaced Ten’s thoughts of murdering Johnny for being so nonchalant about this whole situation but before he could get any of them out, the sudden cheers and whistles of the people around him had caused him to lose his train of thought as he instinctively turned his head to where everyone else was facing. And that’s when he saw you in all your skin tight leather glory, a wild sort of beauty that he hadn’t ever experienced before. You stepped out of an expensive looking midnight blue car along with a purple haired male, rolling the stick of a pink coloured lollipop between your fingers before popping it into your mouth. You both sized up the crowd for a moment before the male’s eyes locked onto the tall giant that he was looking for, completely destroying any assumptions that Ten had about his personality as he bounded over to Johnny like an excited puppy with you trailing not far behind.

“You really came!” Johnny couldn’t help but chuckle as Yuta grinned at him, arms curling around Johnny’s figure in a hug as he gave him a firm pat on his back. “Oh, who is this next to you?” Ten’s brain had registered the fact that Yuta was referring to him and although he was already mentally reciting his introduction, the physical him didn’t respond, nor did he make any attempts to face him. He was staring at you unabashedly, eyes unable to leave your figure. It was as though you had caught him in a trance.

“This is Ten, hope you don’t mind that I brought him along, he really needed a change of scenery.” Ten finally snapped out of his stupor when Johnny placed a hand on his shoulder while simultaneously pushing him closer to Yuta. Ten stuck his hands out to initiate a handshake but to his surprise, Yuta stuck his fist out instead in order to fistbump him. Everything happened so quickly yet also in slow motion. With Ten still being slightly out of it, he didn’t have enough time to process the situation which led to him just awkwardly patting Yuta’s fist, causing you to burst out laughing in amusement. 

“Ah I haven’t introduced her yet, she’s one of the racers,” you took a step closer to the group wiggling your fingers in a cheeky wave. “You can just call her The Lion since that’s what everyone here-” with a rather loud slap to his back, you smiled in satisfaction as Yuta finally got the hint to stop talking about your embarrassing title in front of his really attractive friends before you do something worse. “Ignore that last part, its just some dumb nickname that the regulars here came up with and they refuse to stop calling me that no matter how many times I’ve told them not to,” you groaned while removing your lollipop from your mouth with a small pop. 

Despite that nickname sounding like something that would circulate around an elementary school full of toddlers instead of an illegal street race full of adults, Ten couldn’t help but agree with how well that nickname fitted you as you had an undeniably feral aura about you. Maybe it was the confident way you carried yourself, or the way your unruly hair framed your face, or maybe it was the way you observed everyone with the sharp eyes of a carnivore. When you had first made eye contact with him after stepping out of your car, he couldn’t help but feel a shiver run down his spine as he felt your eyes rake up and down his body with a lazy smirk. He felt like a vulnerable prey cowering under the gaze of an unpredictable predator.  

“You don’t look too happy to be here, what’s up?” You shifted yourself to stand next to Ten, the both of you having been abandoned by your friends right after your introductions as the pair immediately ran off to who knows where, lead by a hyper Yuta who probably just couldn’t wait to show Johnny some secret hideout he found. “Not much, just a little mad that Johnny kidnapped me here only to leave me for his friend without hesitation.” Chuckling at his usage of words, you hummed in thought to yourself as you silently looked him over properly. He was really cute.

“What did your friend mean by you needing a change of scenery, you having an argument with your girlfriend or something?” Ten shook his head with a small smile, arms rubbing away the goosebumps that had risen on his skin from a particularly chilly breeze and from the way your piercing eyes seemed to be analysing his every move. “The only thing I’m in a committed relationship with is dance.” Ten could’ve sworn that he saw your smirk grow into a smile at his reply but chalked it up to his habit of overthinking things. “Maybe I would have a girlfriend if I wasn’t so boring.” Widening his eyes at his own stupidity, Ten chuckled uneasily, not having meant to let his self deprecating thoughts be exposed to a stranger he had just met.

Sure, people complimented him on his dancing all the time, some even going as far as to call him a genius at it. But outside of dance, Ten wasn’t exactly the most interesting person. He didn’t go to parties, didn’t flirt with anyone, didn’t get up to any mildly illegal antics (until now) that young adults should be experiencing before they are fully shackled down by society. If you had asked the rather tiny group of people who knew of his existence for one word to describe him, chances were that most of the answers would be words like ‘dull, average, normal’, or any other synonyms for the word ‘uninteresting’ that they could think of.

“I think it’s pretty cool that you do what you want to do, even if it might be considered boring in someone else’s eyes.” Now that was a first. People usually told him that he needed to change into someone more exciting and that he needed to get out more. “You live your life for yourself so I don’t see any problems with doing what you enjoy doing. Afterall, if you enjoyed your time, it means that it was time well spent.”  

“Thank you…that means more to me than you can imagine.” You nodded your head at him with a genuine smile plastered on your lips and for a second, Ten swore that you looked like an angel. Honestly, it was a breath of fresh air to have someone tell him that being boring was okay, that he didn’t need to feel guilty for it.

“Hey what flavour is your lollipop?” You crunched on the hard candy with your teeth, breaking it off the white plastic stick that it was once stuck on, rolling the sweet shards around your mouth with your tongue.

“Why don’t you taste it for yourself.” Was the last thing that Ten’s brain processed before he felt your lips moving against his, slowly prying his lips open with your tongue and pushing bits of the broken lollipop into his mouth, the sugary taste of artificial cherry invading his sense of taste. Although his thoughts were having a hard time catching up to what was happening, his body had no problems with moving as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. He felt his heart speed up as the familiar feeling of butterflies that always went wild in his stomach before a performance chose to visit him once again but instead of feeling like vomiting out whatever he had for the day, it was an empowering sort of feeling, it felt like he was on the top of the world.

“The race is starting soon, stop sucking on your boy’s face and get your ass over here!” You groaned in disappointment as you pulled away from Ten, turning around to face the brazen-faced announcer who was smirking knowingly at the two of you. 

Ten felt his heart slowly sink as you started heading towards your car without a single goodbye or mention of your previous actions. Not to mention that he was starting to feel really self conscious under the scrutinizing gaze of the people around him who were curious as to who you had been with. Mentally cursing himself for getting his hopes up and for thinking that someone like you would be interested in someone like him, Ten looked around the parking lot for Johnny, desperately wanting to go home so that he could wallow in his disappointment in the privacy of his dorm room. That was until, you shouted to him from across the parking lot. 

“Hey! If I win this race it means you owe me a date alright?” Ten already knew that if Johnny was watching the exchange from some hidden spot, he was going to tease him for how quickly he transitioned from looking like a kicked puppy to a child in a candy store, but Ten couldn’t stop himself from nodding enthusiastically at you. He was confident that you were going to win, and you did, and he was once again left with the sweet aftertaste of cherry.  

[adoranymph]

I was never the most graceful of children. Not much has changed since then, but I’d say I was far more awkward in my formative years. Especially my very early formative years. There were a couple of things I did that were very ungraceful indeed, and I’m still embarrassed still thinking about those things, wondering how stupid could I have been? Child or no. But for these perfectly human mistakes, it was enough of a reason for the rest of my elementary school classmates to pass judgement and decree that they’d make the majority of my waking school life Hell.

Fortunately for me, I had a set of loving parents (and a cat) waiting for me at home every day to escape to. And I did have friends, however, most of them were outside of my class, so it was a gamble during recess if I’d see them, and things like finding partners for in-class assignments were awkward at best.

And unfortunately, not all kids are even as lucky as that, and have absolutely no friends, and come home to family lives that are less than loving.  

They say that “living well is the best revenge”, and oftentimes I would think as a child, “Just you wait until I’m a successful writer and you have some stupid boring job”, and that would get me through one day to the next. It was one of those thoughts that even my mother encouraged, if only to make me feel better. Not a nice thing, but there were other kids hurting her baby, so I’m sure as far as she was concerned, thinking that way in private at least couldn’t do any damage. I’d like to think that it didn’t, even as I still think about those kids and at this point just wonder if they’re managing to get through our current crises okay.  

I haven’t been without my own moments of being mean, and in truth, I don’t think any of us really can say that we haven’t been. Unless we’re raised a devout, hardcore Buddhist who’s a natural at letting bygones be bygones. Indeed, if only we all  had the patience of a saint and the ability to take everything with good humor like I’ve seen the Dalai Lama do in interviews. If anyone’s the pinnacle of that kind of merciful strength in a world like ours, it’s him. 

Forgiveness is a complicated thing. It’s a big deal when we can say that we can forgive those who have wronged us. Depending on the wrong that was done however, that can factor into how easy it is to forgive. Which means sometimes it’s just impossible. 

Some might call that a shame, and for the most part, I’d agree. 

Like everything though, there are exceptions. 

Unfortunately, at times, the desire of one who’s done another wrong to be forgiven for that wrong doesn’t always come from a place of sincerity. Which means it could be fair to argue that that person’s desire to be forgiven comes from a place of selfishness, which defeats the purpose. 

At the same time, true guilt is a painful thing to bear, speaking as someone who’s felt heavy guilt as much as heavy hurt. Anything to make that feeling go away can drive anyone decent to desperation. So one of the first conundra is whether or not it’s right to seek forgiveness, if it’s more to make yourself feel better than to heal the hurt you caused another person. Not to say it can’t be both, but to forgo the latter for the former is, I really believe, missing the mark.

True desires for forgiveness only come from wanting to make the person you wronged feel better. Never mind those who try to just use it as a free pass to get away with what they’ve done, something which casts a shadow on those who want it for sincere purposes. Mostly because I think many are under the misconception that receiving forgiveness works the same way as would a Sham-Wow on their soul. Because I’ve thought that too. I think most of us have. Most of us have felt so bad about doing something terrible to someone else, we’d do anything to make that bad feeling go away.

Then there are those who would say that that bad feeling is in and of itself a punishment, hence the argument, “Haven’t I been punished enough?” But, again, the important thing is whether or not you learn from that feeling, contemplate on it, and understand why it is you feel that way, and how it is that you’ve brought it on yourself. 

Even after all that, it isn’t enough to beg for forgiveness. And forgiveness just can’t be given. Like all the best things, it has to be earned. Sincerely earned. 

I have made mention more than once before that I’m “glad” I was bullied. “Glad” isn’t really the right word though, not unless I were a glutton for punishment. More what I mean that I’m glad I was the one was bullied as opposed to the one doing the bullying, i.e., I’m glad that I had to deal with that and that dealing with that made me a stronger person, rather than get swept up in the self-esteem high that seems to come from putting another person down.

I’d like to think so, anyway. But seeing as how I’d prefer above all that to have not been bullied in the first place, nor to have ever bullied anyone (as I said, I have thrown out the occasional mean thing here and there and then regretted it, realizing I was totally not thinking when I said those things), I had to settle with what I got. Like most of us do. To this day, I think about all the torment I went through socially in elementary school, and to a lesser degree in middle school, right before my parents died and I got packed off to live elsewhere with my aunt and uncle. 

In the anime film, A Silent Voice, Shoya, a boy who mercilessly bullies, Shoko, a deaf girl in his elementary school class, is forced to taste his own medicine when he himself becomes the target of bullying after Shoko is forced to switch schools just to get away from the abuse. Abuse which includes but is not limited to: destroying at least eight pairs of her hearing aids, openly mocking the way she speaks, and little things like drenching her in hose water and throwing dirt in her face.

The film follows his own efforts to atone, and how he and Shoko manage to form a friendship and learn how to heal each other’s hurts from the past in forming that friendship. It poses questions like whether it’s selfish for Shoya to seek atonement, and when enough is enough when it comes to being punished for something you did, especially now that you’ve changed. Truly changed. For the better. 

And Shoya’s change is startling. In his elementary school days, we see him as that punk kid with whom the rest of the class is willing to along when it comes to laughs, which unfortunately includes laughs at the expense of others. Until one day when he “goes too far”, which doesn’t say much considering he was already going too far but I guess the line has to be drawn at some point, which in this case is when the teachers finally get around to getting involved.

(Which by the way, what was up with their teacher back then? That whole beleaguered jackass routine? Yeah, that didn’t exactly help matters.)

But after that, when he himself becomes the bullied, when he undergoes his own form of karmic suffering for what he’s done, he turns meek, unable to look anyone in the eye or get close to anyone. He loses old friendships, and is on the brink of suicide when he tries to make amends with Shoko, only to find himself trying to form a new friendship with her, and the from there the film plays out. 

There are people in the world I know I can never forgive. That said, those I can’t forgive are usually people I can sense would never actually bear the weight of the guilt that most ought to feel for the things they’ve done. Still, a little forgiveness goes a long way in the grand scheme of things. Thankfully, most people are feeling individuals, so while I can’t forget what they’ve done, I can forgive for the sake of their sincere desire to change their ways based on their sincere understanding of why what they did hurt me and or others. 

In stories, we have the benefit as the reader/audience of seeing both sides of a situation, the one who wronged and the one who was wronged. So, from that fourth-wall perspective, we find it at once easy and difficult to understand where the characters on both sides are coming from. 

In Avatar: the Last Airbender, there was an episode where I felt this strong confliction of emotions. It was the episode where Zuko has left his father, the Fire Lord Ozai and ruler of the Fire Nation, in order to join Aang the Avatar in defeating him and his tyranny. But given his track record with Aang and his friends, having spent the first half of the show mercilessly hunting Aang down so he can present him to Ozai and regain his place as the Fire Prince, it’s understandable that Aang and the Gang aren’t particularly keen on letting him join their group. Especially for Katara, who seems to carry the deepest wounds where both Zuko and the Fire Nation are concerned. So, even though they do need someone to teach Aang Firebending, Zuko has to work hard to get into their good graces enough in order to be accepted, and even then, there’s still some shaky ground to cover.

 Part of this is seeing how Zuko has to confront the consequences of his actions. Not just hunting Aang to the ends of the earth since the beginning of the series in order to please his father, and all the crimes against other innocents that that entailed, But also the fact that as he was starting to turn good, it seemed, towards the end of Book Two: Earth, before turning back “to the dark side”, as it were.

In the penultimate episodes of S2, he briefly gained Katara’s trust, presumably sharing with her the loss of his own mother when she broke down over the loss of her own as a casualty of this war that the Fire Nation started. Only for him to turn right around and take up his sister Azula’s offer to join her in taking Aang down in exchange for finally being allowed to come home after so many years of being banished. Just the same, it still hurt to see Zuko get turned away with so much anger when he tried to switch sides for good (in both senses of the word), especially when Katara drenched him furiously with water when he offered to be their prisoner if not a member of their group. As if we hadn’t already gotten enough of him getting kicked when he’s down in the episode “Zuko Alone”. 

Then you have Katara scoff at the idea that he’s trying to manipulate them by “making himself seem like an actual human being”. Which he wasn’t, and we know that, but we also know that to her, it must seem that way, given what happened between them last time. Still it stings, and more so when Toph tries to talk to the guy and he accidentally burns her feet when he’s startled by her, then tries to apologize and then yells, “Why am I so bad at being good?!”, which is at once piteous and hilarious. I like though that that ties into the reason that Aang finally gives into letting Zuko teach him Firebending, when Zuko admits that he too needs to learn control, so that he won’t accidentally burn people again. Aang identifies with that after that time he accidentally burnt Katara while getting too enthusiastic with his own first attempts at Firebending. I appreciate that nuance, because it’s the smallest patch of common ground to start sowing new friendship on, as it was Aang himself who wondered aloud if the two of them couldn’t have been friends, back in S1. 

Where Katara is concerned, she doesn’t really accept Zuko for a few more episodes down the line, not even after Zuko helps her brother Sokka break their father and Sokka’s girlfriend Suki out of the Boiling Rock Fire Nation prison. When everyone else seems to have accepted him, and she’s still clinging to her anger, he offers her the information on how to find the man who killed her mother as a means of appeasement. They go out together to track that man down, and Katara faces down her own demons, her desire for revenge. She realizes, after seeing how pathetic the man is, that he’d simply this small man who’d used his brief moment of power to take the life of an innocent, and what all that had amounted to. In the end, she can’t bring herself to kill him.

But it’s after that that she’s able to forgive Zuko, perhaps out of the fact that his taking her side on seeking revenge might have convinced her of the humanity inside him that was worth taking a chance on. That they do share the losses of their respective mothers in common as a result of Fire Lord Ozai and the Fire Nation’s war on the world. Unlike the ex-soldier who killed her mother, Zuko made not only a very human mistake, but one that he is genuinely, humanly sorry for. 

Zuko had to work to earn that forgiveness, and through earning it, learned from his mistake, rather than simply wore it as a badge of automatic absolvement. He absolved himself of his guilt with his own actions, and not at the will of Katara, and only after did Katara forgive him. Which led to something that, as much as part of me ships them (sort of) I don’t think gets enough credit as a beautiful hetero friendship. (Plus, I love Zuko x Mai just as much if not more. But then, nine times out of ten, I agree with the canon ships in most things.) 

Whether the initial desire for forgiveness was selfish, in the end, Zuko atoned for what he did and more, since in the climax episodes of the series he saves Katara’s life from a death bolt of lightning from his sister Azula by throwing himself in front of it. That he learned from that absolvement to be more self-sacrificing for the sake of those who are vulnerable (thankfully Katara takes Azula out right after he’s down for the count and it’s awesome). He didn’t just go back to his old habits, and was in fact able to clear that last hurtle to fully atone for everything he’s done. Pity the same can’t be said for his sister Azula, but I can set that aside for another post in future. 

In the case of Shoya and Zuko both, we see them go through moments that would make you feel for him, even though at the same time you know objectively and subjectively both that they deserve what they get coming to them. What mother wouldn’t smack someone for psychologically scarring their child, as Shoko’s mother does to Shoya in once scene? And when Shoya is first trying to reconnect with Shoko, Shoko’s little sister Yuzuru tries to keep Shoya from getting to her, just thing to look out for her. Which is totally understandable. And she’s even the one who points out that if Shoya’s just doing all this nice stuff to make himself feel better, he’s wasting his time. 

Only for Shoya to bring it back to how he still feels maybe the world would be better without him. 

As it turns out, Shoko is just as or nearly as suicidal as Shoya was at the beginning of the film. Like when they were in school, Shoko just wanted to be friends. In truth, the two of them had more in common than Shoya would have initially thought. But it was hard for him to understand that in part just because Shoko was someone with whom communication was difficult. So when Shoya finds Shoko about to jump off a balcony to her death, he manages to pull her back in the end without regard to the risk to his own life. 

From there comes an emotional wave-chain of weeping apologies and catharses. And Shoya and Shoko both come to an understanding that heretofore they hadn’t been able to reach. Once they’re able to bridge the gap between them, through a reaching out to the other, they begin to see the worth in each other’s lives, find reasons for each of them to be alive. Even before this moment, Shoya still seems to wonder if the world wouldn’t be better off without him, even after his mother’s already made him promise not to try that whole suicide thing again. 

The two of them have different reasons for wishing they were dead, and for wanting reasons to like themselves again. But those desires in and of themselves serve as common healing ground for them both. The idea of playing these themes against a girl who’s deaf is interesting in its own way, if only because when we’re addressing those with whom we disagree as well as those whom we’ve wronged but can’t understand how, or who have wronged us, it can often feel like we’re talking to those who can’t seem to hear us, even if they do actually have a working pair of ears. Which can serve as yet another block to forgiveness. 

Forgiveness as a concept is put on a pedestal it seems. That the ability to offer forgiveness grants you validation as a good person. That if you can’t, then there’s just some level of enlightenment that you have yet to reach. But, as said repeatedly above, it’s more complicated than that. There could be differences between forgiving a person, and forgiving their actions, and even vice versa, and every which way in between.

As I said, there are people and things that I can’t forgive in this world. And that I can honestly say after giving it some thought that I don’t feel bad about not being able to forgive them. Which is not to say that I wish them every ill imaginable upon them, and if I were in the very unlikely situation where they were dangling off a cliff and I was the only person who could pull them up, I’d pull them up. And that I could do that and still not forgive them I believe carries its own unique sense of morality: “I can’t forgive you or what you’ve done, but I don’t believe that you deserve to be left to die either. Not when I can save you, anyway.” 

But who knows, I could totally be talking out of my hat. 

That said, there are so many miseries that would be made less miserable if there were more forgiving people in the world. That despairing question cried into the void, when will the cycle finally be broken? I’m not sure that it can, but I think it can be broken down, and that’s starting with things like forgiveness. And to start with that, means understanding that forgiveness does not mean giving a free pass to people and their transgressions. More it should mean, “I am willing to give you a chance as a human being, because I am a human being too.” 

To forgive is to be willing to open one’s heart to someone who has done them wrong. Sometimes that’s not easy on a personal level, and, again, understandable. But on a larger scale, I think it’s an important thing to consider. While there can’t be this illusion that forgiveness works the same as a magic finger snap, I still believe it can still work as a good first step towards something better than what we have now. 

With recent events as they are, I’m taking a moment here to offer the below link as a way to encourage another small but meaningful way to make a difference. 

  Forgiveness I was never the most graceful of children. Not much has changed since then, but I'd say I was far more awkward in my formative years.

[thethistlegirl]

Return to Cairo

Jack’s met genocidal war criminals he likes better than James MacGyver. “You can’t be serious.”

James doesn’t seem to be aware of the actual gravity of the situation. “I told Webber not to involve you. Specifically.”

“Matty didn’t call me.” Actually it was Riley, but Jack has no desire to throw his girl under the bus. “And all I know right now is, Mac is missing in freaking Cairo, on freaking Cairo Day so you better tell me what the hell is going on.”

At least he didn’t have to fly far. He was after Kovacs in Libya when the call came in. His team knew better than to argue when he grabbed his gear and left. All Riley was able to tell him was “Mac’s in trouble. In Cairo.” But that’s all he needed to hear.

“First of all, Dalton, that insane superstition is ridiculous. It’s just a day. Statistically no more dangerous than any other day of the year.” James’s voice carries an edge that tells Jack Mac probably came to his father with the same protest. James is too logical to believe in the curse of Cairo Day.

“Angus was in the middle of an infiltration when he went dark.”

“And you’re not doing a damn thing to get him back?”

“The only reason he was infiltratingthe compound rather than us making a full scale raid was because they are heavily guarded and now will be even more so.”

“So what…”

“We have no guarantee that he’s even been captured. It’s possible he felt the need to disable his comm unit for some reason.” It certainly wouldn’t be the first time Mac’s destroyed every available communication device. But it’s Cairo.Jack is not taking chances.

“Where was he going into?”

…

James isn’t willing to be forthcoming with any information. But Jack has allies. Between Matty’s secret handoff of the mission brief and Riley hacking Mac’s comms for last known location, Jack has a location. And a plan.

Apparently this terror group took over an old factory as headquarters. There’s a large machining floor, but the underground level is divided up into a boiler room and storage spaces. And the boiler room vents to street level through a grating.  

Jack really hopes this isn’t the way Mac went in. If it is, there might be someone waiting for him to do the same. Or maybe they’ll assume no one else is dumb enough to try it.

He quickly realizes that this wasn’t Mac’s entry point. The vent shaft is mined. Fortunately, he’s spent the past several weeks working very closely with the crews disabling Kovacs’s work, and it’s brought back his memories of what he learned as an EOD Overwatch.

When the devices are disabled, he makes his way into the boiler room. It’s pitch black and cool, the engines haven’t been run in years. He unlocks the door and steps out into a hallway. He has no idea which of the storage rooms Mac might be in. He’s just going to have to try them all. Matty’s voice in his ear is telling him that they have motion at the building, trucks are being loaded and pulled away. He hopes they’re not taking Mac with them. He also hopes Mac isn’t dead.

Matty assures him there are no more heat signatures on the upper level. They can’t get a read into the basement, not with all the metal upstairs, but Jack hasn’t seen any guards. Which means he doesn’t need to bother being quiet about getting through doors.

He clears three rooms before he kicks down a door and hears a shuddering breath accompany the movement. He pulls out his flashlight and scans the whole bare room.

Mac is curled up in a corner of the room, shaking. Jack feels his stomach flip over. What did they do to him? The kid’s barefoot, his once light blue shirt is crimson, and he’s shivering. Jack takes a few steps closer, then stops when Mac apparently hears his steps and tries to curl up tighter, a keening whimper slipping out.

“Mac, it’s me. It’s Jack.”

“J-jack?” Mac looks up, his face is a mess of blood and bruises. And his chest…the shirt is shredded off him and that’s where all the blood is coming from. Or at least that’s what Jack thinks until he gets a little closer and realizes the kid’s back is in the same condition. They whipped him or something, and made sure he wouldn’t be able to lie on his back or stomach. The only comfort Mac can find is to be on his side. “You s-shouldn’t be here.”

“I’m here to get you out. And don’t worry, Matty told me everyone in here is gone so we’re home free, hoss.” Guess they figured he was in no condition to escape. “They must have taken off with the bomb, the backup tac team is tracking them now.”

Mac shakes his head, struggling to sit up. “No, Jack, they left me here because this is ground zero for their explosion. The bomb is here, in the building.”

Oh hell. “Man, I told you, working on Cairo Day is bad luck.”

“Tried not to,” Mac mumbles. But James wouldn’t listen. Jack wonders how the man will react when he sees the torture Mac’s been through. Probably brush it off like he has everything else about the kid.Mac is far too skinny, and Jack feels terribly guilty for leaving him alone with all of the things that have happened since he took off.

“I saw it, before they grabbed me. I can disarm it.”

“No, we’re getting you out of here.”

“There’s not enough time.” Mac shakes his head. “It’s nuclear. Big enough to take out this whole city sector and contaminate the rest.”

“Wonderful. Then let’s go.” Jack lifts Mac to his feet, trying not to put any pressure on his flayed back. Oh kid that’s gonna be a mess.There’s no way he doesn’t come out of this with lasting scars.

…

The bomb isbig. It’s been pushed up against some of the factory equipment, hidden from easy view but not less deadly. Mac’s muttering under his breath, Jack’s familiar with hearing that through the radio in the Sandbox. He’s doing his thing.He has complete faith in Mac, even as the timer ticks down from 1:43. Mac grabs a tac knife from Jack’s belt, without permission as usual, and pries off the front plate of the bomb, getting at the tangle of wires behind the timer. He pulls a red one to the front and examines it, then puts it back, grabbing a blue one with a wry half-smile.

Mac snips the wire and literally collapses, falling backward into Jack. And the timer stops at 0:22.

…

Jack feels a little guilty that Mac looks surprised when he wakes up in the hospital and sees Jack beside him. “I thought you…”

“Were chasing a terrorist?” Jack shrugs. “Turns out I do a lot better accidentally running across them with you.” He shakes his head. “Remember when you turned in your resignation to Phoenix last year?” Mac nods solely, clearly still out of it on the drugs they’re pumping into him. “Well, turns out you never formally came back. You said you’d stay till we got Murdoc, but you never actually filled out the paperwork. So technically…you’re a literal free agent.”

Mac frowns. Clearly his brain’s not keeping up. “What…?”

“You don’t belong to Phoenix. And they can’t order you to do anything.” Jack grins. “Boy was James pissed when I told him that.” He leans in. “I know you don’t remember a lot about what happened back there in Cairo, but that man was gonna leave you to die. He didn’t care about you, all he cared about was the mission. And I’d rather die than see you continue to get dragged around by him.”

“But he…”

“You owe him absolutely nothing, Mac. Nothing. I’ve already cleared it with my task force. They’d be happy to have a former EOD tech and trained agent on the team, and they’re willing to give you the recovery time you need. And let me stay.”

Apparently that Mac does understand. Because his hand slides across the blanket to twist into Jack’s. “You’re staying,” he mutters, simplistically, but it’s the simple things in life that mean the most.

@macgyvercairo

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Angst you say?

Eren didn't want to shut Levi out, but between coming off his pills, loosing dancing, being pregnant and being told he very may loose his pup from all the stress he was under, Levi's probing was way too much right now... Even if it was therapeutic to vent. Everything had hit him all at once when he'd seen Levi's concerned face at Hanji's. He hated knowing Levi was worried. He hated making him look that way. He didn't want to make his alpha feel worse, that's why he'd only told him he couldn't dance anymore, rather than that he was pregnant and could miscarry at any time. As it was, he'd have to call his Ballroom partner and let her know that he wouldn't be around for the next few weeks... knowing that he'd be letting her down. For an alpha, Sasha had all the strength, but the personality of an omega. She loved her weapons, just as much as she loved her soft things. Most of her partnerships had fallen short due to her excitable personality, leaving her wondering why she'd started dancing at all. Her husband Connie had two left feet, according to Sasha, and his prankster personality made it hard to take dancing seriously, not that she truly did, but she did love it. He really liked Sasha, and she didn't think any less of him for being an omega... even when she was giving him shit for it. Waking up, Eren couldn't understand why he was so hot. His eyes feeling gritty as he forced them open, finding Levi's face millimetres from his. Right. He'd had a stupid breakdown over everything. Coming off his pills, combing with the nausea of pregnancy had left a lot of his functions fluctuating. His fainting spell coming from dehydration and the fact his body was struggling with it all. That would explain it... Wriggling from Levi's hold, the alpha tried to cling to him, mumbling his name. Fuck... he couldn't remember the last time they'd woken up like this... probably since before Viren had gotten his feet under him. When he was a small pup, they'd spend hours laying in bed, watching him sleep and dreaming of their future. Shit. He'd missed this. Their bed. Levi's cuddles... he couldn't do this right now. Escaping the bed, he found Titan had even wandered in, sprawling across the bottom of the bed like he'd never given his position to in the first place. Flicking his tail, he pretty much confirmed Eren's thoughts. If he could talked he'd, no doubt, say how happy he was that it was just the three of them again. Wrapping his arms around his waist. Eren looked towards Viren's bedroom. He might have needed a break, but it felt so cruel to send Viren away. The boy hadn't done anything wrong. Not in loving Levi... and if he did grow to be an alpha, he was only giving Eren the respect he deserved as a fucked up omega. Showering and dressing, he walked out to find Levi in the kitchen. His head was pounding like a bass drum. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend to be human, let alone a functioning one. Bed was soooo close. He could make... oh... nope, Levi was looking at him "Hey, you. How did you sleep?" "I could use another 20 years worth" Levi snorted, shaking his head. How the fuck did he manage to look so fucking good in the morning? "Come sit down and I'll make you breakfast. I thought we could go shopping today" "What happened to work?" "You're more important. How does shopping sound?" Like peopling... and being nice to people... and seeing people... "Can I have some painkillers? My head hurts" "You need water. You're still dehydrated" Walking over to the dining table, it was weird that Viren wasn't there. That he wasn't sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Levi, or stealing treats. Sitting down, he drew his right knee up, to rest his chin on it. Watching Levi bringing over a tall glass of milk, and two small white tablets. Placing them down, Eren guessed he should be happy that Levi wasn't checking him a for a fever "What do you want for breakfast?" "I'll make some cereal in a minute" "I'll make you cereal. Which one do you want? I think we have cocopops" "They're Viren's. I have cornflakes in the pantry" "Just because our son likes most of the same shit you do, doesn't mean you should go without" "It's fine. I don't feel hungry" "Were you sick again?" "No..." "Maybe you're getting better? Did you mention the bug yesterday?" Bug. He could live with the pup being called bug "Yeah. They just said to keep my fluids up" "I didn't see your appointment on the fridge" "It's on Friday the twenty-second at 4" "So Friday" Shit. He'd been sure it was next week "Yeah. Well, we need to be down in Paradis and I wanted to get it done before then" They'd offered to give him an ultrasound, but he didn't want one. Not with Hanji so close... he wanted to wait and see, as to whether he'd miscarry or not "Ok. I'll add it to the calendar, and see that I'm off" "I told you I can take myself" Downing the pills and gulping down the milk, he prayed they'd kick in soon. Pottering around the kitchen, Levi pulled out the container of cornflakes. He really suited his role as a dad. He might have gained some more wrinkles and there may now be more than a few grey hairs creeping in, but it really suited him. He was so good with Viren... "I thought we could go clothes shopping for you. It's getting cold again, and we are going on holiday" "I don't need clothes" His clothes were fine. They did the job. His anxieties decided to flare... the little voices arses as usual. Maybe this was Levi's way of telling him he needed to stop looking like a slob. It was so hard to have anything nice with kids in and out of the apartment. Something was always being spilt or there was vomit, or tears or... stuff. He binned his clothes when they got super holy... and there'd been a mass binning after Viren round a pair of scissors. Binning his yoga pants had nearly made him cry. Not that he had time for yoga... he'd have even less when the pup came... but Levi really didn't seem that keen on having another pup... Maybe he was starting to like him again because he was thin again... and he didn't dress in "girly" clothes anymore...? There was too much to think about. His brain hurt without the added pain of thoughts "Eren?" "What? Sorry" "I was saying you should let me buy you some new things" Eren pushed a smile to his lips, feeling it fall short. He didn't need Levi to buy things for him. He had money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. More money than he'd ever thought he'd have "Yeah. Maybe... it depends if I like anything" "You could probably get a few nice dresses or tops. Whatever you like. You always look good to me" It wasn't because he didn't look like a girl anymore? Did Levi want him to look more girl like? It seemed like so long since he'd bought his own clothes... and it wasn't like he didn't have nice clothes. He couldn't go Ballroom dancing in sneakers and a holy shirt... he just didn't want the kids ruining the few nice things he had. He'd had to hide the charm bracelet Levi had gifted him, along with the glass dolphin as Viren had tried to destroy them both "Ok" "Good" "When's Viren coming home?" Levi frowned at him, Eren feeling guiltier. He'd forced him to send his son away... "Whenever I call Hanji" "You should. He won't understand why you're not there" "He's healthy and he's safe..." "It feels cruel" "You need time to recharge" "You". Not "we". Levi was only doing this because he was so weak. Shit... Jumping up from his seat, Eren ran to the bathroom sink. Throwing up the milk and pills he'd just swallowed, a hand went to his stomach as he groaned. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi rubbed it softly, as he nuzzled into Eren's shoulder "You really should let me take..." "I've been to hospital. I don't need to go back. I had a piss and blood test. If it was something to worry over, I'd still be there" He sounded so fucking pissy. No wonder Levi rushed to soothing mode "Ok. Ok. I'm worried, that's all" "Stop it. I didn't ask for your help or worry!" Crap. He'd snapped at Levi. Shit. Coughing, it turned wet as he vomited again "Eren" "Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to eat breakfast. Let's just go do whatever you wanted to" "I wanted to take you shopping... for you" "I don't need anything. Save your money" For someone who actually deserved it "Eren. I want to start trying to fix things between us. I want to buy you things. I want to do things with you... I want to make this work. Last night, you were rejecting me. It hurt. It hurt to know I pushed you that far" "It's not just you to blame. I'm the one who's..." "I know what you're going to say, but you're not. You're not fucked in the head. Or crazy. You're exhausted and stressed. You're also my omega. I want to live up to the promises I made you. So stop thinking you're a basket case, and stupid, or whatever" "It's the same thing" "No, it's not. I know you're not crazy" "Because I didn't freak out on you yesterday" "And how often you freak out. You haven't had a panic attack that severe in a while" That Levi knew about... even when medicated, they'd still come, though milder. The ones off of his meds... yeah. He knew he was still a basket case. He couldn't have this pup. Not like this... he'd have to talk with his doctor about options... he didn't want to abort it, but he was a bad mum and a bad omega "Why don't you change into something warmer? I'll make you some toast for breakfast" "I told you I can't eat" "You need to. It's not healthy not to. Even if it's just a slice of toast, you need something in your stomach" He wasn't going to win... no matter what he did or said.... "Fine. I'll go change" Levi kissed his shoulder. Eren instantly wanting to cave into the man's touch. He wanted Levi to love him like he used to. When he'd randomly kiss him, or hug him, or jump into the shower with him, or wrap his arms around him and cling like a child as he cooked... He missed laying in bed talking and snuggling. He missed having real adult conversations, and watching scary movies to make fun of them. God. He longed for it all... Feeling his emotions well, his omega snarkily reminded him that he could have all of that, if he wasn't such a sorry excuse for an omega. He hadn't missed the insults his omega would supply. He hadn't missed feeling this shitty. He hadn't missed his paranoia or depression. He definitely hadn't missed feeling like he was walking on eggshells around his own emotions. No. He hadn't missed any of that. * Dragged shopping, Eren kept trying to put things back. While Levi kept putting things in the shopping trolley. He was trying not to let the fact he was pregnant influence his purchases. If Levi had wanted another pup from him, he wouldn't be using two condoms or avoiding the subject. That was the clear answer to their problem. Shorts it was. It was still warm enough to pull them off He ended up with an insane amount of new clothes and shoes that he was sure he didn't need. They wouldn't stay nice and new for long. He couldn't help but pick up clothes for Viren. Levi brushed off his enquiries of where his new clothes were. His alpha was better at buying new clothes for himself than Eren had been since Viren's birth, and anything that Levi had wore to death, was magically replaced thanks to online shopping. Despite the fact it would probably never be used, Eren did manage to buy some new makeup colour pallets and foundation. He missed the days where he used to take such good and careful care of his skin, only his stretch marks and suicide scars got any attention these days. Levi had naturally perfect skin. The alpha never knew his pain, or the pain of a breakout. It was hard to accept acne when it was on your face, as acne had such an ugly stigma. His changing hormones had brought more pimples than he knew what to do with. No one chose acne, but they did choose to be a dick about it. After clothes shopping, Levi forced him to have a manicure and pedicure, while the alpha took care of something. He didn't know what, only that Levi kissed him, then disappeared off to wherever he had in mind, leaving Eren to trail into the salon in a state of confusion. Was it wrong that he was kind of feeling a little better, up until Levi had left? He had Levi's undivided attention. His mate was listening to his words, and his son wasn't throwing a tantrum over Levi paying attention to him. He was so fucking selfish. His son was just a pup. He deserved all Levi's attention, and Levi deserved to be happy. Struggling with his anxieties, he barely made his wishes understood, clumsily pointing out a nice cheese-leaf design for his fingers. Coming back mid-pedicure, Levi was sans their shopping. Standing over the woman doing his nails, his mate crossed his arms, while Eren found himself staring. His stomach was rolling like there was no tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, he really wanted to scratch... he should be enjoying this. Levi wanted him to enjoy this. Fucking pregnancy meaning no sanity pills. Levi could have just said he was off to put the shopping in the car, maybe he was mad over how much they'd ended up buying? Eren had said no. He'd even tried to put things back because they were way too much... but Levi had pulled out his m card and paid for it all without giving him a chance to pay for himself. Lifting his feet out the water to dry them, the small beta woman asked what colour he wanted his toenails. Levi pulled a face like it was weird, so he left it to his alpha, as a small stab of revenge. Levi choosing a dark green that he hadn't even noticed. It was nice, but he wasn't sure he wanted green toes until she started painting them. Mentally sighing to himself, he'd have to remember to wear shoes, or risk upsetting Viren. But hey, at least it went with his silver fingernails and their dainty leaf design. Leaving the salon, Levi wrapped his arm around his waist. Eren's knees nearly going weak as his alpha's scent wrapped around him "Is there anything else we need to get? Or is it just food shopping, left?" "I need to get a suitcase. I don't have one, and I think Viren needs a new one. His is filled with toys" "He does know he can't take all his toys with him" "He's two, nearly, three. He doesn't understand that he is coming back" "You know, you're really good with him. I know things haven't been great, but you've always kept trying to do what was best for him. He's lucky to have you as a mum" "I wouldn't say that" "Eren" "It's true. I'm not much of a mum" "You are. You run the whole household. You keep us all in check. You cook. You clean. You pay the bills. You make the appointments. You know what needs to be done and you take care of it. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry I've been putting so much pressure on you" "I don't do much... I mean. I'm usually with the kids" "I don't have the patience to spend the day chasing after four kids. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't dance right now. But... it's temporary right?" "If you're asking if I'm dying, I'm not" "That's not what I meant. I mean, you're ok. Or you're going to be ok with rest, right?" "Yes, Levi. I'll be fine. They just said u pushed myself too far while sick. When it passes, I should be able to go back to dancing" "I wish you'd told me" "Why?" "Because... you need more you time. I could have looked after Viren, or I could dropped you off, or picked you up" "Viren likes the bus... so does Anna" "Hanji said Anna wants to start dancing" "She wants to do ballet. She's very much the little princess" "What about Viren?" "He hates it. He doesn't mind the crèche, but they're really good with the kids there" "What activities do they do?" "I'm not allowed to tell. He said so" Levi rolled his eyes "He's 2" "And silly mummy isn't allowed to tell daddy anything. That's what he said" "Eren, you know you can tell him off. Smacking his bum for misbehaving isn't the same as putting him through what you went through" Eren nearly laughed. Levi thought he didn't disciplined Viren? Wow... he was even more useless than he thought "Yeah. Sure... anyway, Viren will want a red suitcase" "I said the wrong thing again, didn't I?" "No. I just don't want to talk about it" "We need to. He can't treat you without respect. I refuse to let it keep happening" "Levi, he's just a pup, and I'm not the only mum this has happened to" "It doesn't make it ok. You didn't... you didn't nearly die giving birth for things to be like this. And I didn't promise to marry you, for to be trapped in a life where you're suffering" This was all too heavy. Hitting far too close to home, and it all felt like too little too late "I proposed to you, remember" "And I promised to protect and love you. I love you, but somewhere along the line I started taking you for granted" Ouch. That. That one hurt. Knowing it, was different from hearing it out loud "I grew to expect you waiting at home with Viren. And didn't think about what that meant for you. About how hard it would be for you to be alone" But he wasn't alone. He had Viren. And Anna. And Hanji, and Marco, and Mina and Anka. He had Sasha and Connie. And the people at the dance studio. The only person he didn't have was Levi, because Levi was working hard to support them... and the only person who could ease any of his pain and loneliness was Levi. Even with Hanji, he found himself only speaking half truths, and only seeking comfort from her when his omega side left him feeling so pathetically weak that he'd take love from the first alpha who'd gift it upon him. He was a wreck, and didn't deserve the love Levi was showing him. He wanted to go home... No. wanted to go Hanji's. He wanted to go home if it meant his brain would stop all this shit, and it meant Levi would love him. But they had responsibilities. They had a son to consider and everything else came second to that. "Eren? What are you thinking?" "I think I need to stay with Hanji a while longer" Levi's scent turned pained, his alpha pausing mid step while someone behind them complained at their sudden stop "If I say I want you at home, will you come home?" "Levi. I know you love me. But I'm a mess" "Look. I want to work this out. I already told my boss that I need to be home with you" Levi did what? That wasn't ok. He didn't need more people thinking he was a weak omega. He'd never met Levi's new boss, but they probably thought him a stupid omega "I didn't ask you to do that" "No. But that's only because you felt you couldn't" "If I'd wanted things to changed, I wouldn't have said something" "Things need to change" "And what? You're the only one working. They won't give me a job" "I know Marco and Hanji pay you for babysitting" "It's not the same. Besides, Marco and Jean are thinking of moving. They've been wanting to move closer to Jean's family for a while now, and Anna. She's like a daughter. Hanji won't let me not accept payment. She puts it my account, and sends it back to me if I return it. So I use it on Anna" "Hanji was thinking of putting Anna in daycare to get her used to socialising with more people" Eren held his tongue. Levi wasn't great at forcing a casual tone. Maybe to someone else, but not to him. No doubt Hanji and Levi had been talking about his fragile mental state and decided it was best he wasn't left with small children "It might be good for Viren too. He's got to be sick of playing with the girls all the time" And there it was. He was right "If you think it's for the best. I don't know. I didn't go to school" "Eren. It's not that I don't think you're a good mum" "Levi, everything you've said tells me that's exactly what you think. I do discipline Viren. I tell him I love him. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. And this... this was all ok. I was coping until my meds stopped. All this talking is just making me feel worse" "I just want to help" "You can't ok. You can't. This problem is inside me. I need to work on me and figure out how to fix me. Now. Let's just go home. Viren doesn't need us fighting" "We still need to go food shopping" "You should go with Viren. You don't get to come, but he loves it, and he'd love to go with you" "And what about you? That's cutting you out of the family again, and that's the kind of shit I'm trying to stop" Eren smiled a sad smile of defeat "If it makes him smile, then that's ok. He might not believe it, but if he's happy, than that's all that matters to me" "Why do you... how... fuck. This isn't what I fucking wanted. You're my mate. My love. My fiancée and my omega. I hate this" "I thought happy endings never meant having to be sad... but I love him, Levi. I love him more than I love life. His happiness is the only thing I could wish for. And besides, he loves you. Even if he doesn't want to admit he's anything like me, he's got good taste" "Do you... you know, still love me?" "With all my heart and soul" "Then how do I fix this?" "You stop blaming yourself. I go to the doctor on Friday and we go from there" "I don't think I can wait that long" "Well pushing the issue has only made us both upset. I can smell my own scent and it fucking stinks. I want to bring Viren home and take a bath" "Is that what you really want? Or is that what you think I want?" "It's what he wants. And I want what he wants, for him" Head butting his shoulder, Levi wrapped his arms around him "I don't fucking deserve you" "No. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you" "I don't know how we managed to make the most adorable shit in the world" Returning the hug felt like the right thing to do "I've taken some giant shits, and I promise you, it's nothing compared to giving birth" "Aren't you lucky we only have one. It'd be a shame if anything happened to that arse of yours" Eren hoped Levi didn't notice the way he tensed before forcing himself to relax and nod "Yeah... I guess if we're going to do this right, I won't be staying at Hanji's" "You can. If you need to" "Viren wouldn't be happy there. He really loves you" "God. I feel like an arsehole" "No. You're not. Blame the medication, I am" "I thought you were getting better, even without the pills" "You didn't sign up for this" "I'm your alpha. I didn't even feel it through our bond" Levi sniffled, Eren realising his neck was growing wet as his alpha cried... in the middle of the shopping centre. Levi wasn't an emotionally stunted robot but he also wasn't one to cry like this "I'm sorry. I think we should go home" "Yeah. We can shop online, if that's ok" "Yeah. I usually do"

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep2 “Trespassers” Personal Review

“Maybe there's still good people left in Gotham.”   “Some say the darker angels of our nature are unlocked and set free.”  Warning spoilers below   

JIM GORDON  Mainland wants the GCPD to do nothing in the case of the children. “Your dedication to your job is admirable, Captain, but you lack perspective.” Jim Gordon says he needs supplies not opinions but Mainland says, nope. They won´t risk pilots (theirs or Wayne Enterprise´s). “So you can save a few lives for thousands, but I can't?”  Touché. Jim got a point there.  HARVEY BULLOCK * Shows some (un)healthy pessimism.  “IF we get back.” / “Check out the basement in a creepy hotel by myself? Sure. What could go wrong, right?” * Still has the best lines: “Why would anyone be a cop in a world like this?” “Well, the Halloween shop was all out of gas masks, so it was either this or sexy nurse.”  * “Oh, my God. Oh. Not good. Oh, God. This This is not good.” And after having swiped through the teeth he still picks up the severed finger that is obviously a severed finger. Honey, what are you doing? The LOGERQUIST HOTEL Scene was awesome. Some reminiscence to earlier season, a side quest that gives you break from the greater mess. More please. > It´s just awesome that they just pulled the leaver and let them slide into a campy/classy horror. You just have to scream at the screen. Don´t leave the kids alone! Don´t split up! Don´t trust the other kid! How about you go for the lamps and try to destroy them instead of banging the door! (Harvey Bullock smashing the windows was a clever moment though, gotta give him that)  Just the whole atmosphere of that set alone. Love!  > This showed actual detective work and brought the plot and chara points of the macrocosm into  this microcosm  !!!!!!! It´s not only Harvey Bullock being weary of being sent into the basement (what could go wrong) that ties back to him not being keen to be shot standing next to Jim because Jim got the bounty on his head. It´s going right for the lingering pessimism that Harvey has been expressing (If we get back..) and him lecturing Jim that Jim´s methods (not killing Penguin) aren´t the right way for the mess they are in.  They have Harvey Bullock being so perceptive to point out the lit candle right away. “Jim, we're not alone. Someone lit that candle. “ To which JIM GORDON reacts with HOPE!    “In the old west, settlers used to leave a candle burning to lead others to safety. Maybe there's still good people left in Gotham.”  He´s not only playing the same record that he played the whole last episode (and I´m not shading him there, his attitude is great in that situation, otherwise what would there be left but despair for him and everyone else) but he´s also referencing HISTORY .. and I vaguely remember that this is not the first time he did that [[DOES AYONE have a better memory than I do? PLS tell me]] which brings back memories of early Jim Gordon that solves cases and Ed´s riddles. They at the same time concede hope a victory, they get to save the two kids and Gabriel but Jim Gordon has to leave the other boy behind: “Not everyone wants your help, Jim Gordon.”  IVY PEPPER   “The plants came to my protection. “ Ivy, how about you asked them to stop. “But this park ever since we were cut off from the rest of the world, it's been behaving differently. There are things growing here I have never seen before.” Okay fucks sake, I so hope that this is not true. First we get Ivy magically aged then we get Ivy stealing some potion aka none of her love for plants and research and experiments that I wanted to see and now she should be afraid of them even? How about no?! Okay, I´m glad they didn´t go there. “You know, I wasn't lying when I said this park is changing.I'm feeding the earth with these wretched creatures. It consumes them, and then it flourishes.”  >> Okay I can´t say that I like the “Ivy is a maniacal, cold-blooded killer.” but the mere suggestion of Ivy being intimidated and patronized by her plants scared me enough to be happyish about it. I´d still like to see her be just with her plants. Bring back her mushroom farm! Scratch all that murder business she had going on with Gotham and its people. Give her some space and place to care about her plants and learn more about them and okay if someone disturbs them or tries to harm them, and then bring out the murder. Maybe it might go into a direction like that now..... ?  Ivy more and more retreating into the branches of that tree, while talking to Bruce got me intrigued. “Where I'm going is none of your business. Best hurry. That root will die if left out in the open for too long.” Her being so mysterious, and ambiguous about if she can be trusted suits her. Much, much more than a snarly direct threat of murder.  She is her own entity, that does as she pleases and everything else if left to wonder what that might be! That would be a good attitude. QUESTION:  “One thing is for sure though the seed will alter her forever.” “How?” “Some say the darker angels of our nature are unlocked and set free.” So this “some say” does not sound like a general statement about the nature of humanity it does sound like some people talk about the effects of this particular plant on humans. Which begs the question: Who says this? The plants? Do they whisper to her? Is it meant indirectly as in the research she did told her that? Or are there actually other people with knowledge over matters like this? Are there records, writings, research with footnotes? Did Ivy read them? Did she do her own experiments. Who or what is this referring to. I need answers!! 

Also: Ivy is so ridiculously overpowered in this show, how the hell did those guys manage to lock her up? Also2: Is the guys story about them coming for their magic and getting killed true? Ivy at first  helping people? After all the nurse knew about her and thought she would help? Was she kind and people got greedy, demanded too much, wanted to take advantage of her? Then again she was not known as the helpful fairy but as witch, so there might have been something that got her that reputation .. but there also had to be something that got her a reputation as healer instead of solely being a murderous killer witch?  EDWARD NYGMA * How could he believe locking himself up would work if he just had the key in his pocket? This should have been some timed release system that didn´t give him access to the key until after a couple of hours. * Uhm, can TANK from the Street Demonz gang please stick around. I like him. I like those two together. That´s fun. “Did I, uh hit you, et cetera? Any idea why?” * Okay so sleepwalking or for him rather wakewalking Ed has orchestrated the demise of the Street Demonz in order to get some more chaos and war and likely Oswald´s head? Great. * “How did I seem? Was I confident, flamboyant, charisma for days? Or a little more conservative, kind of repressed, a little nerdy?” “You seemed stiff, man of few words. In a daze, actually.” “Interesting.” * “Well, whoever did just started one hell of a war.” Tank can you please stick around, I need a rough biker that gets to the heart of things like that on Eds side.   PREDICTION? Oswald put a bounty on Jim Gordan´s head. The criminals want to kill him. “Edward” likely put an indirect bounty on Oswald Cobblepot´s head, ciminals will want to kill them. However it seems Barbara Kean makes this situation less equal with protecting Jim Gordon from criminals and tightening the thumb screws on him in order to get Jim to kill Oswald. It just seems everyone´s best bet is to go get rid of Oswald right now. And I´m gonna be disappointed if Oswald doesn´t change back to his clever self and manipulate the situation in a way that ties his and Jim´s life back together  … SET DESIGN Yes this is a character on its own and it´s marvelous. * The Wallpaper in Edward Nygma´s bathroom is pretty. * Is that a can of beer on the window still next to Tank in the bathtub?? * Damn every place Ivy stays at is just eerie, beautiful and just stunning. * The halls of Logerquist Hotel are awesome and the perfect atmosphere. FunFact: John Logerquist founded Gotham in 1635 

* Someone had a field trip with the LIGHTNING [Edit: Link]  in this. First the bright lights in the conversation with Barbara Kean and Jim Gordon in the Sirens club, then the Lightning used as weapon  at the hotel. This all should be super obnoxious, like glaring out a charas whole face during a dialogue .. what .. but it all just works, and works really well. Damn.  Honorary mention: The light bulb and welding sparks 11:40 * Those safe houses that Lucius Fox set up looked like a dream again. Just like Lee with that train, or Jim visiting the retired Carmine. I just wait for someone to wake up, shatter the bubble, destroy the niceness. It slightly creeps me out every time they do that.   * “What do I do, just swallow it?” Okay Bruce Wayne should have told SELINA KYLE everything that Ivy said about that thing. This is not an informed medical decision: Me not moving vs. probably not me but moving is a relevant thing to know. Not that I think it would change anything for Selina, but they should have laid open all the information and it bugs me. It might kill you is just half of the story. It might change who you are even if it works is a significant thing to know about. * GABRIEL I literarily can´t believe he is still alive. That´s the kind of character that usually has the shortest shelf life. * Also how beautifully phrased was Bruce Wayne´s initial distrust towards Ivy is. “You'll forgive me if I find it hard to do so.” * “God, what have I done” Acting on point, acting over all point, acting is said point .. * “I'll tell you what! I'll take his head, and you can have the rest of him!” I giggled. (Context: He doesn´t need more than Jim´s head to collect the bounty from Penguin)

[capt-sulu]

Aaaah so @maximumdarkwarps did this amazing biblical analysis of Krall, Kirk, and ST: Beyond which was seriously incredible and y’all should go read it (seriously, read it)!!! And then I remembered that last week I analyzed Kirk’s role a Christ figure for my Lit class. Which is opposed to how @maximumdarkwarps defines him solely as a Hero’s Journey protagonist (fight me!! jkjkjk :’)). My argument isn’t nearly as esoteric but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Under the Read More because it’s kind of long, haha. I dropped the intro because I’m pretty sure I don’t have to explain Star Trek. :)

First, to examine Kirk’s relationship with his father. As with Christ, Kirk has a significant relationship with his father. George Kirk died to save his family, his final acts protecting their escape shuttle and launching a final attack on their aggressors. This serves as both an example for what Kirk later does, but also gives him an identity.

In the Holy Trinity, Jesus is always referred to as the Son. When Pike, a Starfleet captain and his soon-to-be father figure, first intervenes with his self-destructive lifestyle, he tells Kirk he knows who he is because he is “[his] father’s son”. Kirk’s introduction as the Son is definitely a significant move on the part of the writers.

But Kirk does not rely solely on his name and parentage to make a name for himself. While he may not have the talent for miracles, his full potential is still a lot. He’s revealed to be of “genius level”, which is proven when he completes the four-year Starfleet Command track in three AND hacks Spock’s Kobayashi Maru exam simulation, even though Spock, a half Vulcan, is supposed to have intellect that far surpasses that of normal humans. Christ was noticed for his intellect as well, debating with rabbis and teaching at temples from a very young age. And, as with Christ, there is obviously something special about Jim Kirk, a greatness that Pike senses in him when they first meet. He says as much when he tells Kirk, “you feel like you were meant for something better. Something special” -- which is essentially Kirk’s very own Chosen One prophecy.

Pike hints at this greatness again when Kirk breaks Starfleet laws to save a planet from volcanic destruction. It’s almost ironic, but Pike tells him that he had seen a “greatness in [Kirk]”, but that Kirk was now simply “playing God”. In their next conversation, when the two are more calm, Pike confides in Kirk, “I believe in you”. The constant reminders of divinity are more than ample evidence for Kirk’s position as a Christ figure.

While (as Foster notes) Christ figures are never actually perfect as Christ is, it is important to address Kirk’s history of self-indulgence and self-destruction. As a young boy in Iowa, he drives an antique car off a cliff because he can. As a young man, he flirts and sleeps around, and gets into bar fights simply because he itches for conflict.

Even when he saves Spock from a volcano, risking the lives of his entire crew to do so, it is done selfishly. When Pike demands to know why Kirk would even put his crew in harm’s way in the first place with the volcano, Kirk avoids the question and boasts that he has lost “not one” crew member throughout his entire, however brief, captaincy. His actions could be seen to serve his hero complex and not because of any real compassion.

But Kirk, as any good character will, evolves. He has a moment of revelation after Admiral Marcus, the villain of Into Darkness (spoiler alert), threatens to destroy the Enterprise and her crew along with it. Kirk literally pleads with Marcus, claiming “[he’ll] do anything” if Marcus would just “let [his crew] live”. This is a stunning act of humility, completing contrasting the egotistical, blustering Kirk from the start of the film.

This character development leads to Kirk’s self-sacrifice. It is not enough to just save his crew, as he has before -- this time, he is willing to lose everything to do so. Kirk follows in his father’s footsteps, realizing that the Enterprise and its crew are his family, as Khan (a foil to Kirk) so eloquently puts it. He fulfills the Father’s legacy. But the Enterprise is also more than just family -- Kirk, as a Christ figure, is actually saving an ideal world.

In an interview from September 2016, George Takei (the actor who originally portrayed Helmsman Hikaru Sulu) spoke about the metaphor of the Enterprise. It was to be a representation of an idyllic Earth, with people of different nationalities working together to further a utopic society. Star Trek aired in the late 60s, and the fact that it included an Asian man, a Russian man, and a Black woman as significant characters was a monumental step for American television, given that WWII had recently ended and the Cold War and Civil Rights Movement were in progress.

With this legacy in mind, it becomes evident that Kirk is not just saving his family with his sacrifice -- he is saving an ideal Earth, much as Christ did.

But Christ came back to life. Kirk does, too, and how he manages it is almost laughably obvious. McCoy, the Enterprise’s Chief Medical Officer and Kirk’s best friend, resurrects him through blood. The connection here to Christ is obvious. But the fact that the blood came from a man supposed to be the epitome of mankind is more interesting.

This man is Khan.

Kirk maintains two foils throughout Into Darkness, one being Khan and the other being Spock. Both of them, like Kirk, could represent the peak state of humanity, yet the writers chose to make Kirk the Christ figure.

Khan and 72 others were a part of a 20th century eugenics experiment, designed to be physically and intellectually superior so that they might guide humanity into a Golden Age. As Khan puts it, he’s better at “everything” -- he’s the perfect human. However, the experiment was a failure because the subjects became despots. As Admiral Marcus and Spock note, “Khan and his crew were condemned to death as war criminals” for “the mass genocide of any being [they found] less than superior”.

These homicidal tendencies are evident in Khan throughout Into Darkness. He opens fire on 20 innocent men and women to take revenge on one, and he literally crushes Marcus’ skull with relish. Khan is clearly not in control of himself.

This negates the argument for Khan being emotionless and calculating. His cold eyes and visage may present glacial haughtiness, but all of his actions are driven by his need to protect his crew, his family. If anything, Khan suffers from an overabundance of emotion, unable to keep himself in check. This runs into pure selfishness.

On the other hand, Spock could be more readily perceived as emotionless and calculating. He is half-human and half-Vulcan, and controlling emotions is the Vulcan tradition. From a young age, Vulcans are given the education to accompany their more keen minds -- cultivating their extreme intellect, and mastering their emotions so their emotions will not master them.

Because Spock is half-human alongside his Vulcan heritage, he could be seen as a superhuman like Khan. Spock and Khan have superior mental and physical capabilities in common. But, in regards to emotion, Spock is at a disadvantage like Khan.

At the start of Into Darkness, Spock goes into an active volcano to activate a freezing device. While this is an act of self-sacrifice, foreshadowing what Kirk later does, Spock does not do it out of compassion. In fact, he does not seem to even understand why Kirk went back to save him from the volcano. Spock was only doing what he thought to be logical.

Spock only learns the depths of human connection when Kirk dies right in front of him, Spock powerless to do anything. He finally understands what Kirk had meant when he’d said, “I’m gonna miss you.” Through his friendship with Kirk, Spock learns compassion -- a situation that further solidifies Kirk’s role as a Christ figure, as Christ himself valued and taught compassion as a core value.

Thus, while Khan and Spock could both be considered epitomes of humanity, neither can be a true Christ figure. Khan allows his emotions and selfishness to guide him, while Spock is unable to relinquish his grip on pure rationality.

Kirk treads the fine line between the two. He allows himself to trust his “gut feeling”, but knows when he is emotionally compromised. As he tells Spock after Marcus threatens his ship and crew, “The Enterprise and her crew need someone in that chair who knows what he’s doing. And that’s not me”. This comes soon after Kirk’s genuine apology. The Enterprise and his captaincy are perhaps Kirk’s greatest pride, and his relinquishing that is a significant sacrifice already. This in itself proves that Kirk is a balance of emotion and logic -- having the compassion to care for his crew, but understanding the bounds of what he can and can’t do.

Because Kirk is established as a Christ figure in the Star Trek reboot series, he can be considered the model that the series wishes to put forth as the best humanity has to offer. In a universe where aliens are everywhere and mankind is no longer alone, it becomes increasingly important to define humanity. Kirk fulfills this. Because of his role as a Christ figure in Star Trek’s Alternate Original Series, Kirk becomes a symbol of humanity and its potential, showing the nature of humanity as one of emotion and compassion.

[sunriseyg]

kairos

so, i already put this on my ao3, but i thought i'd post some stuff on here too. 

pairing: yoonseok word count: 5103 genre: fluff, mild angst?

summary: The sunsets are beautiful, not quite like sunrises, although they have their own appeal. But sunsets are way more soothing, and to Yoongi they look even better when Hoseok’s warmth is accompanying them.

 KAIROS:   

Ancient greek – (n.) The perfect, delicate, crucial moment, the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words or movement.

The sun is still brightening up the sky, slowly getting closer to the horizon. Dusk isn’t there yet, but the air is filled with longing and Yoongi finds himself waiting, expectation prickling at the back of his thoughts. Sitting on the little hill, surrounded by daisies and dandelions, Yoongi watches as the grass spreads in front of him, all around him, until he cannot distinguish the flowers from the ground anymore. When the other boy sits next to him, Yoongi fails to see where he has come from and, even if he were to find out, he wouldn’t know what to do with the information. The field around them is too big for him to attempt walking it, miles behind them just a small forest that Yoongi is always too scared to look at, let alone go through. “Where do you think you will be in five years?” The boy asks and Yoongi doesn’t dare to look at him, but he can feel his presence is positive, reassuring. 

Just like every time, Yoongi doesn’t feel like he’s in danger, he doesn’t feel scared, but he does feel some kind of distance between them, despite sitting right next to each other. Yoongi shakes his head, dark hair covering his smiling eyes, and a chuckle escapes him as he thinks of an answer. “I don’t know. Probably I’ll be here still, waiting for the sunset. Maybe I will have a dog, I've always wanted one.” Yoongi finally turns to him and he is not sure he stopped looking at the sun at all. The boy’s smile is bright as he meets his eyes, blinding even, and it somehow matches the warm feeling in Yoongi’s chest. “You should, dogs are great.” His voice reminds Yoongi of salted caramel, the perfect mix of sweet and salty creating a unique flavour. Yoongi likes mild things and the boy’s voice is mild in every aspect, yet never boring. If Yoongi had to assign him a season he would choose spring, when flowers seem to be keen on growing everywhere, brightening up the day, and everything is calm, right, balanced, but also colourful, different, unexpected. Their eyes eventually go back to the horizon, the sun still playing games with the few clouds, although now a slightly darker hue of blue is painting the sky; time always seems to go faster when they meet. “What about you? Where do you see yourself in five years?” Yoongi’s question is faint, a whisper in the vast field that could easily mix with the light wind blowing through their hair. Seconds pass – maybe minutes, Yoongi isn’t sure, it feels like an eternity regardless – but eventually, the boy parts his lips and the smile that Yoongi admires so much accompanies his reply. “I don’t like thinking too far ahead. Yes, one could say five years isn’t a long time, but it’s still…five years.” He seems to choose his words carefully and Yoongi tries hard to catch every single one of them, almost scared that if he doesn’t pay attention the other boy is going to stop sharing the thoughts that Yoongi is so interested in. A sigh precedes the rest of boy’s answer and Yoongi’s eyes focus on the purplish tint of the sky. “You could do so much in five years. You could turn your life around, really. So- this might sound cliché, but… I don’t focus too much on what the future holds. I’d rather see what I can do with my present. And right now this, whatever this is, it feels like I could be here for a while.” Despite his words, the boy doesn’t stay for long and Yoongi is almost disappointed. But he leaves with the promise of coming back and walks away right as Yoongi nods him goodbye, his silhouette standing out against the grass that’s now a darker colour, just like the sky.Yoongi doesn’t look at his back for more than five seconds and fights the urge of running after him, instead, he keeps on looking at the sunset until the stars are visible and the half moon is the only thing that keeps him company. 

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.

A dandelion is blown away by the wind, stronger than usual but still pleasant. It forms patterns on the grass that Yoongi would try to decipher if he didn’t feel so tired, although he can’t remember doing anything that effort worthy before going to the hill. He feels like he’s been there forever, really. Once again, Yoongi is sitting and waiting for something, the anticipation in his chest extends to his fingers as he strips a few strands of grass from the ground to twirl them in his hands. When one of them breaks, Yoongi lets the whole bunch go, only to repeat the action shortly after.

It’s not time for the sunset to arrive yet and Yoongi wonders if maybe the right hour is the key to their encounters. But he then remembers all the times they met at night, or at dawn, or in the middle of the morning, and his theories are gone just as quick as he formulated them. Yoongi lets a sigh out, gaze falling on another dandelion next to him, still unscathed by the breeze.

Just as he’s about to grab the delicate flower, a shadow covers the sun and Yoongi looks up, meeting the eyes of the usual visitor that he’s come to like so much.

“Hope you haven’t been waiting for long!” He is beaming and Yoongi can’t help but compare him to the big star lighting up the sky once more. “What makes you think I was waiting?” Yoongi’s reply is met with a sweet laugh and, as the boy sits next to him, Yoongi widens his eyes as a revelation hits him. They don’t know each other’s names. They have been meeting like this for so long, but they never introduced themselves.

“What’s your name?” Yoongi questions suddenly, eyes full of hope and curiosity.

“Huh? Don’t you remember?” The boy replies with a surprised tone, yet seeming somewhat amused.

“I…don't. I’m sorry.” Yoongi is sure he has never asked the boy for his name, but maybe he is wrong. Embarrassment fills him as he realises that maybe he just made a fool of himself, maybe he did tell him his name once and he just forgot. He doesn’t understand how because Yoongi is sure he would remember the name of someone so beautiful. How long has it been since they know each other anyway? The sunset arrives and they’re quiet, Yoongi doesn’t dare speak again in fear of making things worse, but the boy doesn’t seem to mind. .

.

.

Sand.

It’s everywhere, it covers his feet as he slowly uses them to dig holes in the golden specks. This time they’re meeting on a beach and the sea’s waves create one of the most calming noises Yoongi has ever heard. There’s no one else around him and the sun is almost gone behind the horizon, drawing a landscape in the blue sky that amazes Yoongi each and every time. No matter how many sunsets he looks at, every single one of them is different and he likes to admire them all.

The boy sits down next to him, but Yoongi wouldn’t have noticed hadn’t it been for his words.

“So, did you remember?”

He always greets him with a question these days, Yoongi notices, leaving him baffled and prompting him to look for words when he’s less prepared for it. Yoongi turns to him and his breath gets caught in his throat as he just looks more handsome than always. He’s wearing a dark blue plaid shirt over a white t-shirt that seem to fit incredibly well with the colour scheme of the scenery. And just like that, Yoongi remembers.

Hoseok.

He is sure that’s his name and, as Yoongi says it out loud, he realises that he had known it all along. It sounds like toffee in his mouth, like candy that pleasantly melts at the touch with the tongue, and Hoseok’s smile is brighter than ever while he nods vehemently. “Yeah! Well done, Yoongi.” They just smile at each other for a while and Yoongi thinks his heart is going to fall right out of his chest if he doesn’t stop getting so happy over these small gestures. Remembering his name just now is something that, in Yoongi’s opinion, Hoseok should be at least a bit upset about, but there’s no trace of sadness in his eyes, he seems just plain… happy. Yoongi can feel blood creeping up his neck and filling his cheeks, so he turns away, hoping that the sound of the water crashing on the shore will calm him down. It doesn’t help much. .

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Every time they meet it’s like the first and the last in just one encounter. Yoongi doesn’t expect Hoseok to show up, and he doesn’t know if he will be back when he leaves. But he does, every single time he comes back, and Yoongi feels his lungs hug his heart a little bit tighter, just a little bit more, as if to stop it from getting too big and spilling from his mouth.

He thought he loved the colours of the sky, he thought he loved the light of the stars, but there is nothing he loves more than sitting there and sharing all that with Hoseok, because there is nothing he likes more than seeing him smile.

“Someday we could travel,” Yoongi says after they’ve been silent for a long time, the light wind being almost as quiet as them. “We could see the world, maybe live together. That way we wouldn’t have to meet like this.” His head is close to Hoseok’s as they lay on the grass, as they observe the starry sky above them, specks of light flickering in their eyes and forming constellations of their own.

Hoseok turns his head to look at Yoongi’s profile, but the other boy doesn’t turn around, not until he can sense something is not right in the way Hoseok is looking at him. Then, he does, and what he sees almost destroys him. He was expecting Hoseok to smile, brightly as ever, and to tell him that yes, they could, hell, he wanted him to say that they should have done that right now, left town for good, never to be seen again.

But Hoseok’s frown is far from a smile. Mouth agape, like words should be coming out of it, but got lost somewhere along the way, Hoseok stares at Yoongi with empty eyes and the other boy just doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand why Hoseok looks so… sad. Crestfallen. Like a person who’s about to tell a very expectant kid that Santa doesn’t exist. Like someone who’s thinking of all the lies in the world, while knowing he has no choice but to tell the truth. Like, as much as Hoseok wants to agree with Yoongi, he just can’t do that.

“Yoongi…” Hoseok starts, and Yoongi knows that he doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t want to, he wants him to shut up already, he wants to grab his hand and run away into the forest, no matter how scary it looks. With Hoseok he feels like he can do anything, but not if he keeps on talking, not if he says those words Yoongi is sure he is going to hate. But he’s petrified under Hoseok’s stare, and all he can do is hope that his perception is wrong and maybe he will say yes. Maybe they will run away together.

Hoseok’s phrase stops there, though, and Yoongi stares at his lips as the other boy closes them in a faint, small, smile. Hoseok nods, but his eyes are still sad. Yoongi ignores that, he ignores the feeling in his gut yelling at him that they can’t run away anytime soon, that his hopes are impossible, even though he doesn’t really understand why they are so. He ignores all that, and ignores the fluttering in his stomach, the pounding in his heart, as he grabs Hoseok’s hand and holds it tight.

He can feel Hoseok’s surprised look on him, but Yoongi’s eyes are back on the stars, trying to ignore the blush he is sure is appearing on his cheeks too. .

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.

How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? It might as well be years because Yoongi can’t tell the difference between a second and a day now, he only knows it’s been too long. Too long since he’s been waiting for Hoseok, too long since the sun has set and the night has taken over. He glances at the stars and he realises how much he got used to Hoseok’s presence next to his, how much he feels like leaving that empty space on his side is just not right. Yoongi sighs for the umpteenth time as he grabs some grass strands and fiddles with them, thoughts of Hoseok’s smile filling his mind.

Over time they have bonded quite a lot, but Yoongi feels like he doesn’t really know who Hoseok is, despite the sensation in his gut telling him that they’ve been knowing each other for a very long time. They kept on meeting, asking each other questions that varied from their opinions on life, passing for opinions on sunsets, and even on what kind of music would bees like. Yoongi catches himself thinking about the one time he had asked Hoseok about his family and he had animatedly talked about his younger sister for a very long time, yet Yoongi didn’t mind at all and just enjoyed the fond smile on Hoseok’s face.

Maybe he’d gone too far. Maybe he should have shut up. Maybe, Hoseok had finally gotten tired of him and left him for good. The grass strands break in Yoongi’s hands and an angry grunt escapes him. .

.

.

Sunlight hits his face almost like a flashlight pointed directly into his eyes, and Yoongi shields himself with a hand as the cloud that was obscuring the sun just a second before moves away and makes space for the rays to come through. Yoongi feels exactly like the sky above him today, a bit cloudy, looking tense and uncertain.

His hands find the rocks underneath him, and he grabs a few, looking for the right one. A lake spreads in front of him and its water looks like an even and neatly polished piece of glass, still and calm like few things Yoongi has seen in his life. Then, a rock skips on the water, breaking that perfect surface, and then another, and another, and another. Yoongi throws rocks and some skip like he wants them to, some don’t, until he’s run out of rocks that work and he just tosses them, listening to them flop and sink in one brief moment.

“Havin’ fun?” He almost jumps at the voice, but he doesn’t really get the chance to react because Hoseok is sitting next to him and smiling so widely and oh god, the sun is shining again.

“I–” Yoongi only manages to trail out, rock in his hand as his arm slowly lowers back to the ground. His eyes are stuck on Hoseok, as the other boy grabs his hand and opens it, taking the rock in his own palm. Then, he puts the rock back on the ground and interlocks fingers with Yoongi, smile yet to fade from his face. Yoongi is baffled, he’s dumbfounded, he’s every synonym in the world that express how fucking shocked he is to see the other boy there. But he’s also in love, oh, so much, and he’s realised that just now, right in this moment, as Hoseok looks at him with the same glint in his eyes, the same fondness Yoongi thought another human being never could have had for him.

“I’m sorry. I should have come back earlier. I just got scared– and things came up–“

“It’s okay. You’re here now.” Yoongi smiles and squeezes his hand tighter; there’s no way he’s letting go anytime soon.

When they kiss it’s sweet, and long due, and everything Yoongi was waiting for. Doubt is still trying to make space at the back of his mind, but he pushes it away and enjoys Hoseok’s embrace. His heart is a peaceful lake and Hoseok is skipping rocks on its surface, creating beautiful patterns Yoongi will never get tired of. .

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The meetings start again, and Hoseok is always bright, always calm, always what Yoongi needs, when he needs him. One day he brings him flowers, and Yoongi doesn’t know what to say except why?

“They reminded me of you. Freesias are so pretty and delicate.” Hoseok explains, like he doesn’t understand how Yoongi couldn’t come to such a simple conclusion.

“Thank you.” The words are almost stuck in his throat, but they fight to come out and they seem to make Hoseok grin wider as Yoongi grabs the bouquet and smells the flowers.

Freesias are really pretty. .

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.

They’re back on their hill, a little bit closer to the forest this time, and Yoongi feels anxious about it. He doesn’t know why, but no matter how calming Hoseok’s presence is, that forest creeps him out. The other boy seems to notice as Yoongi frantically turns back to check that the forest is there, unmoving and silent.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asks, worry painting a picture on his features that makes Yoongi’s insides squirm. He doesn’t like to see him frown.

“Nothing.” Yoongi looks again towards the horizon and scoots a little closer, until Hoseok’s arm wraps around him and he can lean his head on the younger boy’s shoulder. “I just feel like something might come out of there and grab us.” He explains, realising how Hoseok’s thumb is slowly caressing circles on his upper arm.

“Don’t worry, that forest only has trees and maybe some birds and insects in it. Nothing will harm you.” Hoseok presses a kiss to his temple, and Yoongi has never been much for prolonged skinship, but he feels like he could stay like that forever. .

.

.

The sunsets are beautiful, not quite like sunrises, although they have their own appeal. But sunsets are way more soothing, and to Yoongi they look even better when Hoseok’s warmth is accompanying them.

“I thought that maybe you’re right. Maybe we can leave here.” Hoseok says all of a sudden, and Yoongi did not expect that at all. He thinks that maybe Hoseok likes to surprise him more than he likes to be surprised, but he can’t help a smile as he tilts his head to the side in a curious stare.

“Soon. I feel like soon we’ll both be ready to leave and live our life like we always wanted.” The other boy continues, once more like there’s only one easy solution to every question Yoongi has. And Yoongi doesn’t ask more, that’s all he needs for him to believe again that yes, they can make it out of there. .

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 The forest starts scaring him less. He still likes sitting away from it more. .

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.

Nothing cheers Yoongi up more than hearing Hoseok’s laugh, and it cheers him up even more when he’s the one to make it happen. Every time they meet it’s like time freezes over and speeds up at the same time, because thousands of sunsets could go by, and even more sunrises could fly past them, and Yoongi would want to spend every single one of them with Hoseok without ever getting bored of it. He is sure of it like he’s sure that the moon is going to shine, he’s sure of it like he’s sure of his love for Jung Hoseok. So he tells him.

“Yoongi, I…” Hoseok’s smile could obliterate the stars and Yoongi feels like he might get at least a first-degree burn from the blush on his own cheeks, so he fiddles with the grass strands – it’s a habit now –because Hoseok’s eyes on him suddenly became too much to handle. “… I love you too. I- I’ve known it for a long time, actually.”

The other boy’s hand finds Yoongi’s easily and it untangles his fingers just like the kiss they share melts the knots in Yoongi’s stomach. Once again, Yoongi can’t believe this is really happening to him, he can’t believe he’s really living this moment because it’s too perfect, too right, too everything. And yet, Yoongi feels like nothing could ruin it. .

.

. It happens one day when Hoseok is just a little late and Yoongi doesn’t really mind– he trusts him now; he knows he will be there soon. He’s sitting on the grass, the hill is peaceful, and he’s mindlessly counting down the minutes until Hoseok shows up.

Except a dog shows up instead.

It almost scares the lungs out of Yoongi, because he is absorbed in picking the grass around him as he usually does when waiting for Hoseok, and then he feels something nuzzling at his neck. He jumps up and almost falls over right after, but the dog is sitting there, looking up at him with big eyes and dangling tongue. It’s big, and white, and fluffy, and Yoongi would be cooing if it wasn’t for the minor heart attack he’s trying to recover from.

It barks softly at Yoongi after he has stared at him for maybe too long, and it starts nuzzling at the boy’s legs. Yoongi assumes he’s demanding pets, so he reaches out a hand and slowly pats the dog on its head, at first carefully, then the dog seems to get more excited as a chuckle escapes Yoongi, who crouches down and starts petting the dog with more confidence.

Then the dog gets up and barks at Yoongi again, still with the same energy, that demanding way that dogs have when they want attention. Yoongi doesn’t understand, he has been petting him for the longest time, and yet the dog doesn’t seem satisfied with that anymore. It’s looking at Yoongi like it has a secret that it wants to reveal and when Yoongi realises that he’s following the dog into the forest it’s too late. He’s right in front of it now, he could reach out a hand and caress the bark of the first tree, but the feeling in his stomach stops him. The dog is next to him, it barks once more, waking Yoongi from his thoughts.

“I can’t go in there, it’s too scary,” Yoongi tells the dog, feeling somehow it can understand his words despite the species barrier. “Hoseok will be here soon too, I can’t leave.”

The dog just nudges Yoongi’s leg again at that, and Yoongi throws it a worried look. When the dog nudges him and whimpers, Yoongi crouches down to caress a hand into its soft fur.

“I understand that you want me to go, but why?” Yoongi looks the dog in the eyes and really feels like it could speak back to him at any moment. “This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to it.” He murmurs, eyes trailing back to the deep coat of leaves. He can see between the trees, he can see the ground covered in leaves and rocks and bushes inside. He can see how the sunlight gets filtered through the branches and he can see the patterns that get formed by the shadows. He is in awe and he is terrified and he is doubting all of his fears and he feels them simmering inside him. Nothing will harm you. Hoseok’s words echo through his mind as he looks back to the patch of grass he was sitting on before. Maybe he can do it. Maybe he can take a few steps in and go back right away. Then Hoseok will be happy to know he managed to get close.

The dog barks again and this time it comes from in front of him. Yoongi eyes its white paws walking on the leafed path between the first trees and he’s suddenly scared for it. But the dog walks a bit further inside and then stops to look at Yoongi, expectant glint in its eyes.

The sun is setting and Hoseok isn’t there yet, but something is pulling Yoongi inside the forest now.

Just a few steps. He’ll take a stride until he reaches the dog and then he will walk back.

One last look behind his shoulder and then Yoongi takes a breath. Clenches his fists. The dog is still there, patiently observing his every movement.

And then, he’s walking past the first tree. Yoongi doesn’t return to the grass patch.

Every time Hoseok leaves the hospital there’s a part of him that stays there, his mind travelling back to how cold Yoongi’s hand seems, and how his heart accelerates when he sees him laying there, eyes closed and only a beeping monitor indicating that he’s still alive. He hates it and loves it, that beeping, that constant sound. It’s repetitive and static and Hoseok knows it’s the only thing guaranteeing him that Yoongi is there, he is right there. Yet, he wishes he could get some other response when he talks to him and not the cold, distant, beeping of the machine.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” Hoseok tells him, squeezing his hand and kissing him on the forehead, like he always does when he leaves that cold room, the only thing to brighten it up are the flowers that he had brought him. Freesias wer– are his favourites.

Hoseok knows there might not be a tomorrow.

So he kisses his lips too this time, chastely, while holding back tears because he can’t let Yoongi see him cry, he won’t allow it.

Yoongi has been in a coma for two years and for two years Hoseok has been yearning for him, waiting for him to wake up, to reply to his calls, to open his eyes and hug him and tell him that it’s okay. It’s okay, they’re together, it’s okay. That they don’t have to hide anymore, Hoseok doesn’t have to pretend to be “his best friend” anymore, they can just leave and love each other and be who they want to be. Hoseok had a dream once, where all of that happened, and they were in a field and it was beautiful and perfect because there was no one but them, looking at the sunset like it was the most precious thing in the world after the embrace that they were sharing.

Hoseok knows that’s not happening anytime soon, because Yoongi’s parents told him they’ve been considering putting and end to it, and there’s nothing Hoseok can do to argue.

“He wouldn’t want to live like this.” Is the only reasoning they gave him. Hoseok wanted to yell, to argue that he would want them to believe in him, to believe that he can live at all, he would want so many things and he wouldn’t want them to give up. But he didn’t. He swallowed his tears like he learned to since he was a kid, and nodded.

“We know you care about him, and we appreciate all you’ve been doing so far. But we’re letting go and so should you.” Yoongi’s father had put a hand on his shoulder, a gentle look in his eyes, almost as if he knew. Yoongi’s parents have always been more understanding than Hoseok’s, they know and they accept their son for who he is, but Hoseok wishes they also understood how wrong wanting to make that decision is.

He cries when he gets home, and then cries some more, until his lungs feel sore, just like his heart has been feeling since Yoongi got rushed to the hospital. He curses, and yells, and he lets it all out until it’s the middle of the night and he realises he hasn’t had a proper meal yet. Hoseok doesn’t care, he’s not hungry.

He’s losing all hope, he’s losing everything, and he feels like he’s about to lose his mind too because he suddenly can’t believe his ears and eyes. His phone is ringing, and it’s Yoongi’s mother, and he’s scared.

“Y-yes? H-hello?” The words come out dragged, like he really doesn’t want to say them and instead there’s a small thread forcing them out from his throat until they fall out. “Is everything o-okay?”

“Hoseok.” Yoongi’s mother's voice seems just as tired as his, but he can’t decipher it, he can’t figure out if she’s about to say something incredibly beautiful or incredibly horrible.

“He’s- He is-“ She chokes up on her words and he still doesn’t understand. He is what? Awake? Alive? Or… no, Hoseok doesn’t want to think about it.

“Just get here.” This time is Yoongi’s father talking, and that’s all he needs. There’s hope in him again, he doesn’t know what has happened, but maybe it’s not bad news. The call is over before he can ask, and in his heart there’s fear and longing and anticipation and worry. But he runs, he runs out of the house, he runs to get a taxi, he runs to the hospital. He doesn’t care about what it is that the nurses are telling him, he doesn’t care about getting his name signed down, he doesn’t even care about his scarf getting lost somewhere along the way because all he cares about right now is Min Yoongi and whether he’s alive or not, whether he can hug him again or not, whether he can see him smile and hear him laugh and talk or not. It’s the middle of the night and Jung Hoseok can feel his heart thumping louder than his own thoughts, but when he reaches the door to Yoongi’s room, he needs to stop and catch his breath.

Every moment he’s ever spent with the other boy comes back to his mind. The first time they held hands, the first time they kissed, the first time they realised they were each other’s everything. Hoseok treasures every second he’s passed with Yoongi, even the bad ones, even the ones where they thought they hated each other and especially the ones where they were proved wrong. He can feel tears coming at the back of his throat, but he swallows them down.

Finally, Hoseok holds his breath and pushes the door open.