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nasaty · 3 years

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Noctilucence

Student Aizawa x (she/her) student reader, so much angssssttt and grief and a bunch of fluff. (Do not bring any pedo shit into my presence or I will fucking destroy you

MANGA SPOILERS until episode 107 comes out. - also this requires context that I am not providing from MHA manga and the arc with Aizawa in Vigilantes. TW: death. 9 part series.

Ch 1 here | Ch. 2 here | Ch. 4 here

Ch. 3 the Message

Your phone pinged on your dresser as you were fixing your hair after getting out of the shower.

It was a text from Hizashi. Your little lunch group recently produced a group chat, (in which Hizashi was obsessed with and never stopped spewing things into.) You used an app that reminded you of AOL instant messenger. You left your dinging phone on your vanity as you brushed through your tangled hair.

Cat Cafe Crew chat

(Hizashi) pr3sentmixtape - YOooO listeners did you hear about Lunch Rush?? 🥺

(Oboro) CUMulostratus - …no? Are they okay??

pr3sentmixtape - Yeah they’re fine, but the school thought they were overworking themself a bit so they’ve split lunches into two separate times starting tomorrow. 😓😭

(Nemuri) titsandass69 - what the fuk

CUMulostratus - Well I’m glad they’re okay, but do we know what lunches we have yet? What if we don’t have it together 😓

(Aizawa) Aizawa - we still have 2-A together.

CUMulostratus - 😭😭but not with Y/n!! 😭😭

Aizawa - .

pr3sentmixtape - GUYS the lunch designations haven’t even been given out yet, it’ll be okay.

titsandass69 - I will probably turn into a villain if I don’t have the same lunch as Y/n, I’m not going back to whatever the fuck we were doing before she was with us. lol

pr3sentmixtape - Apparently the lunches will get posted by 8pm tonight on our school website.

CUMulostratus - THAT’S IN 20 MINUTES

titsandass69 - no duh, airhead

pr3sentmixtape - HAH air head…. Like… air.. and clouds….cloud quirk.. I get it

titsandass69 - congratulations Hizashi 😂

CUMulostratus - •changed the name to ‘✨ CATfé chat ✨’•

✨ CATfé chat ✨

Y/u/n - 😭😭 can someone send me a picture once the lunches get posted? My internet hasn’t been working well at home.

pr3sentmixtape - I got chu, boo 😉

titsandass69- hey that’s my line 😡

You had been having trouble with the internet at home for weeks but didn’t want to bother your parents about it. They were hardly ever home, working their very important jobs in hero infrastructure. They were both born quirkless, which was surprisingly uncommon now a days, even more rare with your generation. You were old enough to fend for yourself, and even though you couldn’t drive and didn’t have a car, you were in walking distance of a grocery store and the school, so living *mostly* alone wasn’t so bad.

…but it did get kind of lonely and you wanted a cat. All the talk about making a cat cafe made you want one to snuggle up with in the evenings.

*PING* your phone went off with an image from Hizashi

✨ CATfé chat ✨

pr3sentmixtape - [pic]

We have separate lunches…. 😪😭

titsandass69- oh my GOD are you kidding meeee I’m literally about to graduate they cannot do this to me my last semester!

Y/u/n - hey can someone tell me what’s in the picture, I don’t think I can get pictures bc of my stupid internet

pr3sentmixtape- Lunch 1: 10:50-11:25

Hizashi, Oboro, Nemuri

Lunch 2: 12:30-1:10

Shouta and Y/n

Aizawa - •logged off at 8:06PM•

CUMulostratus - yikeeeees ^^^ 😬

titsandass69- this sucks

CUMulostratus - guys we’re just going to have to find time after school. Maybe we can train together and y/n can coach us 🥰

Y/u/n- I’m down with that!

pr3sentmixtape - but me and Aizawa and Oboro are in work studies….and Nemuri is….doing whatever the heck she does

titsandass69 - IM ALSO IN WORK STUDY YOU SHIT

CUMulostratus- we’ll make time for each other. we’ll figure it out. ❤️

You tried ignoring how awful it made you feel that Aizawa signed off, knowing he did that because he was angry he had lunch with you and no one else. You couldn’t ignore it.

Direct Message - CUMulostratus 🌥

Y/u/n - do you think Aizawa hates me?

CUMulostratus - nah he hates everyone

Y/u/n - …but he hates me more than everyone else

CUMulostratus- He does not! He’s just bad at emotions.

Y/u/n - yeah, bad at having anything other than negative emotions towards me

CUMulostratus - lol shit up

*shut

CUMulostratus - •changed the name to ‘sad bitches’•

Y/u/n - lol.

But seriously.

Did I do something to upset him?

CUMulostratus - okay. FINE you got it out of me.

ILL TELL YOU gosh. I can’t believe you pried it out of me

Y/u/n - ?? 🤔

CUMulostratus - I’ve known Shouta for a while, and I think I’m pretty good at reading him at this point. And I’ve noticed something.

Y/u/n - dude what are you even saying

CUMulostratus - so like essentially around everyone, he is mostly just a grumpy ass, but you’ve like… noticed that he acts a little bit different around our friends?

Y/u/n - sure

CUMulostratus - and I’ve seen him around our friends before you were hanging out with us?

Y/u/n - yeah

CUMulostratus - he acts different around you

Y/u/n - uhh yeah that’s why we’re having this convo

CUMulostratus - no I mean like, he looks at you differently than the others. he like watches you when we’re all hanging out but if anyone catches him he looks away

Y/u/n - he’s gonna kill me 😦😂

CUMulostratus - LOL nooo

ok, I asked him about it once

Y/u/n - ?

CUMulostratus - I asked how he felt about you and I’ve never seen him turn so red in my life. I almost started to tease him and he got straight up mad at me for a bit. Then he begged me to not tell anyone

Y/u/n - WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THEN

CUMulostratus - BECAUSE YOU GUYS WOULD BE CUTE TOGETHER

Y/u/n - IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN HE LOOKS LIKE HES GOING TO STAB ME AT ALL TIMES

CUMulostratus - are you saying you wouldn’t like to daaaaate him?

Y/u/n - .

CUMulostratus - ?????!!!!!?!!!??!???!!

Y/u/n - okay yeah but like it would never happen

CUMulostratus - JUST YOU WAIT

•logged off at 8:46PM•

Y/u/n - fuck

You set your phone face down knowing you wouldn’t be hearing from anyone soon. Starting to shiver you realized how much Aizawa meant to you and how you didn’t want to ruin your friendship, even if he looks like he’s torturing you in his head at all times. You knew you had feelings for him but kept pushing them down because ‘why would anyone pursue someone that hates them,’ that’s irrational.

Aizawa hated people that were irrational.

Aizawa hated you.

You decided to go to bed early, hoping that would help you be ready to face whatever these changes bring with your best friends. Maybe having a good nights sleep would help clear your head, you thought.

But nothing could’ve prepare you for tomorrow.

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lilydalexf · 4 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Dreamshaper

Dreamshaper has 54 stories at Gossamer. Her stories often feature Mulder and Scully exploring their feelings in ways you really, really wish you could’ve seen on the show. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Found in Memory, Just By Existing, Purpose, and Promise. Big thanks to Dreamshaper for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I'm not at all surprised people are still reading X-Files fanfic! There's a deep catalogue of good and interesting fiction there, and the X-Files still has cultural significance. And of course there were the recent seasons to bring it back to mind. I think if you had asked me in 2000, I might not have supposed that it had this kind of staying power. So now I'm thinking of this interview as a time capsule--what will my answer be in 2040?

My own fic was not designed to have staying power. If anyone is reading it now, bless them, they are kind and patient. I would only recommend probably reading the first and last things I posted just to see what kind of growth is possible. The first time I ever posted fic, someone told me to never write again. I was a teenager. I was crushed but I went on writing anyway, and I worked hard to improve.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I think of two things. As for the show itself, I still think of Mulder/Scully as the ultimate in romance. I can still picture certain moments from the episodes, from the movie. I look for pairings with tension that reminds me of theirs--an almost-regency level of UST, but with a modern element of danger.

As for the fandom itself, I grew up in it. My entire online life and the core of how I participate in fandom was formed here. I was 17 or so when I started writing and posting MSR. I was 18 or 19 when I started meeting fans in real life. I was fortunate enough to fall in with people who were equal parts gracious and nerdy, and while my own nerdiness is innate, I remember and emulate the kindness which was shown to me.

I have an entire side post to this question about how strongly I disagree with the current age stratification in fandom--this idea of not interacting across artificial age divides is tragic to me.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

ATXC, and mailing lists. I don't actually remember the names of all the mailing lists! I can picture myself sitting in my kitchen on my computer, and what the emails looked like--the font, the signature lines--but not the names. I can even remember specific conversations we had! One of them must have been Scullyfic, because I remember the first meetup being planned. Is that right? Was it the Scullyfic meetup? [Lilydale note: Probably was Scullyfic. There was a big email flurry when the first Scullyfic mailing list meetup was being planned.] My mind was absolutely blown by the idea of a fan con. Now I've led panels at a dozen of them.

I remember some of the arguments, too. It's funny that some of them are the same arguments I still see here and there, like whether or not criticism of a fanwork is valid. Real Person Fic being this unbelievably shameful thing you had to ask to be shown, and the doyennes of the fandom would have given you the cut direct at Almack's if they'd found out, you know?

This was also the era of AIM and ICQ. mIRC too, right? I spent a lot of time in channels. I absolutely loved when people started to be more open about themselves in chats. I was always so interested in how fandom fit into people's lives. Some people I talked to were moms, college students, people who had interesting careers, and they all just found ways to make fandom work for them. They had a need and were meeting it, despite the pressures of their offline life.

I don't know how to explain the impression that made on me, but--it normalized fandom. That seems obvious, maybe, but I hadn't known this was something you could integrate into your everyday life.

It also normalized the idea of women taking their own needs as primary, in a way that went beyond what I was exposed to in my home life, or through the feminism of the 1990s. There was this wild intersection of the--the domestic and intellectual life of women, and the playful life of women, just making itself known to me in a way I'd never seen before. That was enormous. Absolutely a foundational experience for me.

My experience was that ATXC and email lists were like, these surface-level interactions where people figured out, roughly, if your mind ran on a similar track to theirs, and then you were invited to make deeper relationships in more private corners of the internet. Social media filled both functions at once, I think, for a while. But the privacy was missing. I'm not surprised that Slack and Discord are starting to fill that private corner gap--everything old becomes new, etc.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

UST and monsters. This is still an unbeatable combination for me!

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I loved romance novels--I read so many of them. Somehow, before we even had a computer at home, I started to tell myself romance novel stories with Mulder and Scully as the lead characters. This was how I talked myself to sleep--I wasn't a good sleeper. Then when I got online and did whatever search led me to ATXC, I was just shocked. Shocked! Can't do the surprise justice, in this era where fanfic is relatively mainstream. Other people had also independently invented this thing I loved! But they wrote their ideas down! I jumped on the bandwagon immediately.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

It's like my relationship to my childhood, frankly. Foundational, but I don't think about it all that much on a daily basis, right? I smile and reblog gif sets. I get nostalgic. I get embarrassed by social mistakes I made. I feel the way many of us do about memories from our teenage years. I wouldn't be who I was without it, but I'm not still in it.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I was. I've spent 20 years in fandom! I did some beta work for someone who'd started writing slash--The Sentinel. The actual Sentinel, not just an endless loop of Sentinel AUs based on Sentinel AUs based on etc. I had some idea at the time that I was queer, but this was my first real exposure to romances that weren't straight. So I tore my way through the early 2000s slash fandoms as they developed: The Sentinel, Due South, Stargate Atlantis. Popslash, where a mix of good writing and absurdity ruled. Bandom, where I met my wife. Since then, many smaller fandoms.

It's hard to compare any of these things to each other, let alone to the X-Files. In each one, I was lucky enough to find a circle of women who were strong beta readers and good friends. I never wrote as much or for as long as I did in the X-Files.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I watched the new episodes. I've shown friends important episodes--I remember that a few years ago, another friend and I tried to hook a third friend on the show by binging some favorites--mostly shippy MOTW, so it was like, Arcadia, Triangle, Bad Blood. Fun stuff!

We finish watching and I'm like, well? And? And she says, that was fine, but I'm more of a man-pain, secret babies kind of person? I'll never forget it. She had no idea but she'd hit the nail on the head! We were wheezing with laughter. We went back and watched mytharc episodes, which was much less fun for me, but much more interesting to her.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I don't read X-Files fic often. I look at new things sometimes, and I've reread a few old classics, but my reading taste has changed so much. I still love straight romance, but it needs to be fast and sharp in a way that is hard to find.

I read fic in other fandoms when I have time. In the past few years, I've finished a degree, had a daughter, renovated a small Victorian and then sold it and bought another one during this pandemic--so time has been short. Currently I read some Untamed fic, some Good Omens fic, Magicians, Schitt's Creek...a sampler. Whatever friends are writing, whatever they recommend.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I never have a favorite of my own fics. I'm never satisfied. The second I post something, I'm always full of regrets. I've written fics that did very well and still hated them a month later. People have asked me over the years to move more of my stuff off Livejournal and onto ao3, but I do it really reluctantly and only by specific request. Everything's ephemeral! Let the old works diminish, and go into the West!

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I have no oldies to dust off. I do periodically think of X-Files stories I would tell, but I don't have enough time for current interests--and so it goes.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do. I was most recently writing in The Magicians fandom. I posted a couple new stories in an old fandom last year--I'd written Good Omens fic fifteen years ago, and then again for the Amazon adaptation. I have a pile of original novels in various stages of completion, but I'm never happy with them. One day I'll figure myself out, perhaps, or I'll just keep writing myself this and that and leaving it all in a drawer.

What's the story behind your pen name?

So AOL had a character limit for user names--I think it was 10. I was a teenager at the time I was coming up with the one I'd use for fandom, so I went with Dreamshaper. It was kind of literal, in the sense that I was going to share the stories I'd been telling myself to help me sleep. But the character limit meant I went with Dreamshpr, which I later liked because of the alternate reading of Dream*shipper*. A reminder to the younger fans that we were the original shippers!

I would also come up with new pen names when I wanted to experiment with a fic that didn't fit my usual style. I don't remember any of them. I probably did that a dozen times, so, sorry to those poor completely abandoned stories.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Giddygeek on tumblr and ao3. I'm most active on twitter, but largely about my domestic life with dips into fandoms or original writing; message me on tumblr if you're an old friend who'd like to reconnect elsewhere.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Just gratitude--I'm so glad that I found people to share an obsession with, and that they were good people, at a time in my life where that made a significant difference to me. I don't know where I'd be now without my time and my growth in this fandom!

(Posted by Lilydale on December 22, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #dreamshaper

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yessoupy · 4 years

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the @imetyouonljpodcast episode this week gave me lots of thoughts and feelings about star wars. more like, reminded me of all my thoughts and feelings around my first fandom. thus, I decided to write my own journey into and throughout star wars fandom, and what it means to me. buckle up, this story spans decades.

my very first memory of anything star wars-related is a yoda puppet that my grandmother had. it had to be from the original run of the movies, because I was maybe 4 in my first memory of it, and i was born in '86. my sisters and I loved it, and one of our cousins was deathly scared of it so we'd chase him around the house with it.

my second memory of star wars was going to the movie store with my dad and sisters and seeing our favorite yoda on the cover of a VHS. "yoda yoda yoda! daddy, it's yoda!!! can we get it?" we were holding up the display cover for return of the jedi. dad said no, we couldn't get that one yet because we had to watch them in order. so we rented a new hope and all I remember was falling asleep while artoo and threepio were trundling across the tatooine desert sands. at five I guess I was too young.

in early 1997 the special editions of the original trilogy were aired in theaters and I was in 4th grade. dad took us to see one of them (I think empire, at some point we'd finally finished a new hope). at school that grading period I sat next to a boy named mark and he noticed I was drawing little x-wing silhouettes on my paper. "you like star wars too?" he asked. when I said yes, he declared that because of my name, he was going to call me skywalker. that's the name on the back of my high school letter jacket.

in fall of 1998 I started the 6th grade and I came home from school one day to a hardbound book my mom had checked out for me from the library. heir to the empire by timothy zahn. mom pointed out where it said on the cover it was a trilogy, and I could get the other books when I finished this one. she hadn't found the young jedi knights series for me. she'd checked out a GROWN-UP star wars book.

in spring of 1999 the phantom menace came out and my parents' friend took me to see it on opening day because neither of them were free and I HAD to go that day. later on that year she took me to a star wars exhibit at the museum of fine arts. that was also the first time I saw a monet and a renoir. the exhibit had costumes (real costumes!!!) from the original trilogy and the newest prequel. I bought a book about the myth of star wars in the museum gift shop.

I read every expanded universe book our local library had, which was a lot. I had a lot to catch up on, too, since heir to the empire had been published in 1992. you never saw me at school without a star wars book. I read while walking in the hallways, even. in 6th grade I read during lunch, since I was in varsity orchestra with 7th and 8th graders and was terribly shy. they'd tell me I should socialize at lunch, not read my books, but... I wanted to read. I had a lot to learn. I have a lot to know.

I was in 7th grade when I read vector prime, the first in the new series. my first class of the day was science, and the boy I had a crush on was in that class. we had DEAR time at the beginning of that class - drop everything and read. not a hardship for me. that day, I read the part of the book where chewbacca was killed. I looked up, astonished. heartbroken. I locked eyes with the boy I liked. he nodded at the book and I showed him the cover. he nodded sympathetically. "they killed chewie," I whispered. he said "I know."

I wrote original characters in star wars fan fiction when I was about 13. I had an internet friend named rachel who lived in brisbane. then there was dave and 'roswell' who gave me ideas for my story. I loved being able to talk about the wide world of star wars with other people. we used aol instant messenger and email. my username in those days had 'skywalker' in it. I am pretty sure we met in an aol chatroom. I didn't find much of use on the official star wars site and I have probably visited it fewer than 10 times since 1999.

I read those books all through middle and high school. they were my christmas presents and my birthday presents. I moved into our family beach house after college. it sounds really nice but I didn't have running water because it was the summer after Ike hit. I would go to the used book store on 23rd street and buy a stack of star wars books and read them while I waiting for calls to interview for a teaching position. weekends I'd go into town to stay at a friend's house and help her with wedding stuff. I'd shower there, too. that's where my new stash of star wars books started, with me catching up on the legacy of the force series I hadn't read in college and then finishing up through the fate of the jedi as those came out. I felt that I had grown up with these characters. I remembered when kyp was just an orphan han rescued, when jacen and jaina were five years old, when corran horn had no wife, no kids, and was just finding out who his family was. I had capital o opinions about what color lightsaber i would have and why (silver; bc corran), I knew the geography of the galaxy and where everyone was from and my favorite planet was dathomir because women ruled it. I knew all of these characters' histories and motivations and the difficult decisions they'd made and had to live with. I loved them.

i never ventured into the online fandom space for star wars, even after I'd found other online fandom spaces, because I didn't feel like there was anything anyone could add to it for me. I was satisfied with all I'd gotten. sure, favorite characters had been killed (after chewie, the one who stung most was Mara, luke's wife), but people die. and in such a long-running series spanning so many years and trillions of miles of space... you come to expect it.

people would ask me ALL THE TIME when the sequels were coming out and I said never. then, disney bought star wars. initially I was excited (tears of joy happy) to have sequels confirmed. my mind raced, imagining a trilogy centered on the events surrounding jacen's descent to the dark side. the original actors would be the right age for that. who could play jacen?

then, the announcement came that the canon was now 'legends' and they wouldn't be taking any of it into account when writing the sequels BUT that didn't mean we wouldn't see old canon favorites. they announced adam driver as the villain and I thought "jacen." I held onto the idea that this knowledge I had, these years of knowing these stories, would still be worth something. that I'd be able to add new information to my mental bookshelves and maps. that my universe would expand further.

the force awakens was a bitter disappointment. I was upset from the crawl, leia's title making it clear to me that she wasn't chief of state, she wasn't the mother to three children, han wasn't her husband, and all of her history I'd grown to love really was gone. what I saw was the older version of a woman I'd met when she was 18 and hadn't seen her since her early twenties. I didn't know her.

I didn't know the galaxy, either. starting with the new jedi order series, a map of the galaxy was included in the front of each book with the planets named so you knew where everything was happening. the new galaxy was bare. it was small and knowable. while the hosnian prime system was destroyed in the movie, I'd never known it, and all the planets I DID know were similarly blasted out of memory. where was dathomir and its fierce warrior witches? if their planets were gone so were their people.

as the movie trudged on, a retelling of a new hope, I kept thinking, "at least let his name be jacen." I hung my hopes on this sith character being han and leia's son and sharing that name of the boy I'd known and the man who'd grown up to turn to the dark side. at that first shout of 'BEN!' I was angry. Ben?? that was the name of LUKE'S son! that was MARA'S child! Ben??? with three letters jacen solo and ben skywalker were also dead to the galaxy.

I know, I know. I should get over it. I AM thankful for poe dameron. the x-wing books were always my favorite. poe was familiar to me the way other new characters weren't. he was part of the new republic navy. I knew what that was. he flew an x-wing. I knew what that was.l and what company manufactured them. he was from yavin IV, I knew where that was and what it looked like. finn was a stormtrooper, yes, but the empire had not stolen children to be raised as stormtroopers. they were recruited like any other position. his story wasn't real to me, it wasn't something I could easily accept. and the idea that the new republic just LET the first order rise? leia's new republic would NEVER. but leia wasn't chief of state in this universe. leia hadn't had that power.

I read a lot of articles about the force awakens and the reactions to it, and never saw myself in any of them. the star wars fanboys whom I'd never known were painted as being angry because their fan knowledge was useless and "boo-hoo poor widdle fanboys" they would be mocked, rightfully. but that's why I was angry, ultimately. everyone I knew and loved was dead. worse, they'd never existed. "what do you think will happen?" some unsuspecting coworker would ask. I'd shrug, but inside I was yelling "who the fuck knows! my favorite characters don't exist anymore. nothing I know as this person you know as SKYWALKER means anything anymore."

it only got worse from there. One day I spent four hours figuring out how far the casino planet was from the drifting ships in the last jedi and doing math to figure out how long it would REALLY take to get there, using old canon star wars physics. I couldn't suspend my disbelief during that movie. everything was wrong. (the other space physics quibble I had was from TFA when poe is using comms while in hyperspace, and dropping out on a command and not... when nav told him to?? you'd fly right through a star!! were they HOVERING in hyperspace? none of it made sense.) I knew too much and too little to enjoy it.

TROS was a narrative mess already retconning new canon and I decided that I would only keep what I liked about the new canon (poe and his family) and pretend the old canon is all there is. one day I'll write the story of poe being part of the storied rogue squadron being sent by leia's new republic to put down the fascist upstarts at the edge of the unknown regions. one day.

one more quick story -- i met my college friend’s three kids for the first time when the oldest was 6. i’d sent a toy lightsaber as a gift when he was born, because i believe every child should get their first lightsaber from a skywalker, and his father had shown him the movies when he turned 4. when i walked into the house i said hello and he said, “i have some questions about star wars.”

we sat on the couch with the tfa visual dictionary, a book he’d gotten out of the library. every question he had was an excellent question, and i couldn’t answer any of them. “why does his lightsaber look like that? and why does he have the extra blades?”

“well, kiddo, let’s see what it says here about how lightsabers are made. i used to know all about it, but they changed everything on me.”

---

what i love about star wars since disney bought it:

poe dameron, cassian andor (and all of rogue one, i got over the fact that the movie wouldn’t be about rogue squadron it was PERFECT), solo (a fucking DELIGHT), the mandalorian, and i’m sure the cassian andor live action will be amazing and i’ll love it.

#star wars #fandom thoughts #i've just spent SO MUCH of my life being a star wars fan #and being perfectly happy to describe myself as such #edit i tried a read more but it didn't work so sorrryyyyyyyy

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gowns · 4 years

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i was just gifted a pair of skechers sneakers from a “buy nothing” facebook group and the design of them reminded me of a strange memory...

when i was 10-12 years old i was obsessed with this site called bolt.com, which i’m sure some of you must remember. it was like very early proto-social-media... it wasn’t a forum, it wasn’t an AOL chatroom, but it was something kind of in-between. you could have a profile and ask questions and make surveys and then go to other people’s profiles and answer their surveys. this was tremendously novel and exciting to me as a kid -- you could get tiny avatars or badges for different kinds of bolt.com interactions! and it was also, quite obviously, something that was engineered to “look” like a fun internet activity for teens, when it was actually all set up to collect information for brands.

basically what social media still does today, right!

but again, imagine being 10 or 11 years old, still using dial-up... windows 95... clackety mechanical keyboard... coming home from school and logging onto bolt.com, seeing what all these fabulous internet strangers were saying to each other, crafting witty responses and posting and waiting for more interaction, maybe even some of those coveted little badges...

one day i responded to a survey about shoes... some kind of innocuous question like “do you like cool shoes?” and i had some kind of innocuous answer like “hell yeah i do!” and i got a message from someone saying they were a representative from nike, and they would like to send me a pair of brand new nikes as a part of their consumer testing.

now, i was lower-middle-class, perhaps even, i’m realizing more and more as i get older, lower class... i got my clothes second-hand from my cousin or walmart. on my birthday i got to go with my grandma to limited too or claire’s and pick a thing. but up until this point, i had never had any kind of interaction with a name-brand thing.

so i was like, yes!!! send me these brand new nikes!

and i got em about 2 weeks later. my mom was utterly perplexed. “who is sending you packages? where did you get these shoes? are you putting our address on the internet?” i pleaded ignorance -- “no, i have no idea where these came from! but hey, free shoes!” and my mom accepted it, somehow

i ran upstairs and put them on... and i realized... that these shoes were too cool for me to wear. they were really out there. bright orange and teal with big bold white swooshes. they were like, basketball star shoes. could i wear them with my walmart bootcut jeans...? could i wear them with the hand-me-down prairie dress...? would they work with my gym shorts, even? could i wear them during PE... or would these shoes just draw attention to me? highlighting the hobbit who sat in the bleachers every PE period, pretending like i already “did” the sport when everyone could tell i didn’t but whatever who cares we all live in the desert and we all know these children have no futures

no... no, those shoes were not for me... “not now,” i thought, “but maybe one day i will have an outfit that matches, or maybe one day i will play a sport, do something fancy where i need to wear something expensive...”

and i put those sneakers in the back of my closet

over the years, i have forgotten so many things... but i still remember this... like finding a sword in a lake then sheepishly putting it back. and every time i think about it it’s like, yes, it was garish and probably tacky, and all a part of a marketing campaign, but the potential that it had... a window into another life, another possible way of being... bright orange and teal sneakers with bright white swooshes on the side...

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leveloneblog · 3 years

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Emily is Away <3: Review (Mac)

Title: Emily Is Away <3

Developer: Kyle Seeley

System: PC/Mac

Store: Steam

Genre: Simulation/Dating/Choose-your-own-adventure

# of players: Single Player

Release DateApril 16 2021

What if you could go back? Back to days of Mean Girls, skinny jeans, and iPods. What if you could go back to when a certain social media company wasn’t hellbent on world domination? Because that’s the bus ticket Emily is Away <3 is offering you. The third sequel in a series that originally provided players with an AIM simulator set in the early aughts, combined with a choose-your-own-adventure romantic storyline. With a knockout ending, it was met with massive success and response from fans dying to once again hear that familiar “ding”. 6 years later, developer Kyle Seeley has deviated from the Instant Messenger-style in favor of what? Facebook of course. AOL’s Instant Messenger is dead, all hail “Facenook” an experience likely to jettison some players into the past with nostalgia.

This time around you have a “Facenook” page. Blank and blue like the good old days. While aesthetically bare, it seems like an opportunity for players to fill in the blank spaces with their own memories. Like previous games, the story is driven mainly through dialogue trees. The player has the option of picking one of three responses when chatting in Facenooks messenger. The game is divided into chapters and your choices in these conversations affect outcomes later on. Customization to your own page is somewhat limited. You can’t change a profile picture nor set a status outside of story-prompted moments but there are dozens of easter eggs to remind you of the internet of yesteryear. You can chat with your friends as well as your crushes. Hell, start a poke war if you feel like it. Seeley definitely gets points for the way he’s able to recreate not just dialogue of the era but also accurate teen-speak of the time. It’s quite compelling.

The strongest element of the game without a doubt is the writing that lets you choose what kind of lovesick teenager you want to be. There are truly no limits to how high you can soar or how low you can sink when it comes to being someones’ partner on social media. You can be the angel that a mother only dreams of or the worst nightmare of shotgun-wielding fathers from afar. It was honestly shocking to see some of the things my character could say to a person he supposedly cared about only for me to think back to my own teenage years ago say “Yep, I remember doing that”. These moments did not happen in isolation and again, Seeley deserves praise for his attention to detail. Because there are hundreds of dating simulators out there and a good portion of them are set in some sort of high-school but Emily Is Away <3 strives to bring you one layer deeper.

Emily is Away <3 is another hit in a series of episodic time capsules. It’s sweet and tinted rosy red but it’s not without genuine emotion. Anyone who has fond memories of the internet’s halcyon days plus a love of choose-your-own adventure will find their nostalgia almost perfectly preserved.

#emily is away <3 #video game review #steam

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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survey by tater-tots

What is a fruit that you might eat in the morning? I, personally, haven’t had any fruit in quite awhile. :X I used to have a banana sometimes in the morning, though. Cutting it up and putting it on bread with peanut butter was also good, as well as in oatmeal.

Do you enjoy any food combinations that others might consider to be weird? I’m sure. Scrambled eggs with ranch is probably weird to some. I also recently discovered sourdough bread and Lay’s ranch dip go quite well together.

What is a green vegetable that you enjoy eating? Spinach.

Name something you might find in a salad. Hard boiled eggs. What is your favorite type of sandwich? Turkey and salami with either Monterey Jack, sharp cheddar, or Colby Jack cheese, mayo, and spinach or bologna and either of those cheeses with mayo. A pickle on the side is good as well as some olive oil for dipping. If I get a sandwich from a deli, I like to add a sandwich spread of some kind.

Which condiment do you use the most often? Ranch. Name a chocolate bar that you enjoy eating. White chocolate bars.

What is a meat that you do not eat - ever. Anything other than beef, chicken, turkey, or pork.

Are you lactose intolerant, or have any other sort of food allergies? I am.

What was the last food that you burnt your mouth on? Probably ramen.

Which brand of soup do you eat? Maruchan pork ramen.

What are some flavors of ice cream that your enjoy? Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, ones with peanut butter cups or brownie chunks, and birthday cake.

What is the best type of cookie, in your opinion? My favorites are sugar cookies and shortbread.

Would you rather have popcorn, pretzels, or chips as your salty snack? Popcorn.

Have you thought about going on a diet & actually went through with it? No.

survey by pinkchocolate

When you woke up today, was there anything on your mind? That it was freezing, ha.

Who was the last person you interacted with for the first time? Hm. I don’t recall. I haven’t interacted with anyone new in quite awhile.

What colour was the wrapper of the last snack you ate? Hm.The last thing I ate that had a wrapper was ramen, which had a brown wrapper.

Do you have a favourite mug to drink from? What does it look like? It’s a Peter Pan mug that has Peter and the gang on it flying and is blue on the outside and yellow on the inside.

What was the last thing you used, that came in a spray can? The Christmas-y room spray I got from Bath and Body Works. I loveee it.

What colour is your favourite bra? I prefer just black bras.

Who was the last person you went to for advice about something? My mom.

Have you had a deep conversation with anyone lately? Not really.

What was the last compliment you recall receiving from someone? I don’t recall.

And the last compliment you gave to someone else? My brother on his Thanksgiving cooking. Everything came out really, really good.

What kind of bread did you eat most recently? Sourdough. I’ve always liked it, but prior to Thanksgiving I hadn’t had it in awhile. My brother got a loaf from the store and I ended up eating a ton of it with this olive oil and different seasonings dip I made, but then I discovered it also goes really well with Lay’s ranch dip and ended up eating it with that. Ha, the next day I asked my brother to bring home some sourdough bread from his job (he works at Panera) and I’ve been enjoying that ever since.

What was the last sound you heard, that you found pleasant? I’m currently watching/listening to an ASMR video.

How many books do you think there are in your house? Take a rough guess. Oh, man. Uhhhhh. At least 100. A lot of them being my mom’s.

Of all the books you own, which do you think has the most pages in it? The Bible.

^ And how many pages is that? 1,200.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema? What did you think of it? The Invisible Man back in February. I enjoyed it.

In the last book you read, what was the main character's name? Eva Rae.

What was the last song you heard, that meant something to you? Everlong by Foo Fighters.

How many people do you know whose name begins with Z? Two.

What do you expect to be doing at this time tomorrow? Hopefully sleeping.

survey by luckforlemmy

Did you start listening to more Michael Jackson after his death? I grew up listening to his music, but admittedly I did get into it more after his passing. I was really into his This is It album for awhile, which he worked on just before his death and was done with his concert documentary by the same name.

When was the last time that you played hide and seek? I play with my doggo sometimes.

Who was your first celebrity crush, if you can remember? Aaron Carter.

Do you worry about money? Yes.

Have you ever had to beg for a second chance? No, not begged.

When was the last time that you sent an actual letter through the mail? Many, many, many years ago.

Are you excited to return to school? I’m done with school.

Do you hate Internet abbreviations? No. Omg, but I hate stuff like, “C-U l8er” or something like that. *cringe* That was done more so back in the AOL days, though. Everything was abbreviated back then it seemed.

What was the last insult you gave out? Uhh I don’t go around giving out insults.

What'd you last look up on YouTube? The ASMR video I’m watching.

Are you texting someone really awesome right now? I’m not texting anyone right now.

Do you know when to be serious and when you shouldn't be? Yes.

Do you think that you're funny? I have my moments once in a blue moon and I own the hell out of it when it does happen haha.

Have you ever sent a secret to Post Secret? No.

What movie do you really want to see in theatres right now? There aren’t any showing in theaters in right now or for most of this year. I miss going to the movie theater.

Have either of your parents shown affection for you today? I haven’t seen either of them, yet.

What's the last thing that you sang out loud? Christmas songs.

Is there a word that you always misspell? I always say this when a question like this comes up, but “onomatopoeia.” I only ever use that word when asked this, but I have to look up the spelling every time. I don’t know why it won’t stick.

What was the last thing that you bought that someone else benefited from? I ordered my mom a cute Christmas mask.

Has someone ever made you a really great mix CD? Yeah.

Have you ever been on Omegle.com? Yes.

Did you talk to someone cool there? I didn’t talk much, I just went on there to check it out.

What song reminds you of your best friend? There’s a lot of songs that do.

Who was the last person to hit on you? I have no idea, it’s been a long time.

What's on the paper nearest you? There isn’t any paper near me.

Do you have a set of lyrics that you really love? A ton.

Did you get an A in your last English class? Yes.

What did you last use scissors for? I think it was to cut the plastic thingy that holds bottled drinks together.

Did you ever secretly hate a friend of yours that thought you liked them? No.

What do you think of when I say "boat"? Uhhh, a boat?

Would you ever get a tattoo sleeve? No.

Do you know any really fake people? Yes.

What does the last blanket you used look like? I currently have two throw blankets: a rose gold fuzzy one and a super soft Christmas one.

Do you have appreciation for graffiti? I’ve seen some really cool graffiti artwork.

Why don't you drive? Well, there are extra things that need to be done since I’m a paraplegic and it can be quite expensive. Mostly, though, I’m scared.

Does it annoy you when your printer runs out of ink? It was always super annoying how my printer seemed to know when I was in a hurry or really stressed out cause that’s when it would decide to malfunction or be out of ink.

Have you ever drank anything from a thermos? Yeah.

When was the last time you played in the snow? The last time I was around snow at all was back in 2010.

Do you know any ignorant people? Yes.

What is the coolest name you've ever heard? Hmm.

What did you last argue with someone about? Bleh.

Is there anyone that you dislike for no real reason? No.

Have you had a good day? Not much has happened so far. It’s still early and I’m in bed all snuggled up while doing this and listening to ASMR.

Are you going to have a good night? We’ll see.

#a few surveys thrown into one #personal #text #survey #surveys

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maryswaysofseeing · 4 years

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Week 10: Collective Intelligence

Watching the video of Henry Jenkins and reading “Collective Intelligence and Online Communities”, I was reminded of the online community I was active in in middle school and how it helped me learn, experiment, and form friendships. As a kid, I was really into reading “chic-lit”, books intended for young girls such as Gossip Girl, The Clique, A-List, etc. I got so into it, I started going on online forums dedicated to these book series. There I found other young people who were interested in practicing their writing skills. Together we created our own websites, where we collectively wrote fan fiction-type work about girls in boarding schools. This practice of writing together, is also known as Role Playing or RP. We would each write a paragraph as a character and this would move the story along. Vanesa Gámiz might refer to this activity as, “practice-based learning”. We were dedicated to becoming better writers. We learned from each other, were inspired by each other, were held accountable to each other and because we had so much fun doing it, we did it voluntarily. Every day after school I ran home to the computer, dialed up AOL, and in spite of the slow internet connection, I wrote for hours with my online friends.

The skills I developed there were invaluable. Collaboration, experimentation, plot and character development, website building among others. I credit these forums to becoming a better writer. This online community also served as an entryway into other online communities I got involved with later in life. In my early twenties I became involved with the “alt-lit” scene on Twitter, a group that consisted of experimental social media poets. I went from following cool writers on twitter, to befriending them, to hosting readings with them to traveling to poetry festivals with them. This community has published my work, curated me into museum shows, workshopped my in-progress poems as well as given me lifelong friendships.

It’s bittersweet to admit that these two online communities have influenced me just as much if not more than any of my K-12 education. Why was so much of my learning happening outside of the so-called place of learning, school? Why is this often the case? It begs the question, are schools set up to deny students the real tools needed for learning (agency, creativity, experimentation, collaboration, collective intelligence, self-driven inquiry)? If so- how can we change that? I believe the tools and projects of media literacy are an essential part of the solution. In order to start engaging students, it makes sense to start with what they already engage with and it’s up to us as teachers to figure out what that is.

#media literacy #collective intelligence #henry jenkins #the clique books #lisi harrison #gossip girl

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big-idiot-wolf-boys · 4 years

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Nightfall: Twilight Reimagined -2-

-1-

Still feeling very much like canon here, and very much the day to day life of Bella Swan. Check out my fancast here if you want to know what I’m imagining these characters to look like as I’m writing them!

****

The next day wasn’t much worse than the first, I guess that had to count for something. The second day of school is easier than the first because you know what to expect. Like Mike sitting next to me in English and then escorting me to my next class. Eric glared at Mike the whole time. Thankfully, everyone outside of the group I had somehow been adopted into seemed to have forgotten about me already.

The rain appeared to be gone for now, but the clouds were dark and dense-- it could always decide to make a comeback.

We had a surprise test in Trig, and I didn’t even know the formulas we were supposed to be using. I made a mental note to hide my grades from Charlie, I couldn't manage to do much more than basic algebra. In Spanish, Jessica and I were paired together to translate recipes from Spanish to English. All morning, I worried about lunch. Not where to sit or what to eat; I was worried about having to endure those strange, hateful glares from Edward Cullen. If it were anyone else, I’d just ask what his damage was. Something about the Cullens struck me as strange, though. I remembered Edward’s coal-black eyes and shuddered.

It turned out that I had nothing to worry about. When Jessica and I entered the cafeteria, Edward was nowhere in sight. A quick scan of the room proved the rest of the Cullen siblings were sitting at their usual table, but he was not with them.

Mike spotted us and bounded up to lead us to the table. Jessica was thrilled, and the others from yesterday quickly joined us. Today, I picked up some of the names I hadn’t yesterday. Lauren, Tyler, and Ben rounded out this loose collective of friends. Lauren had long blonde hair, pale skin, and pretty green eyes. She hadn't spoken to me much, and I tried not to take it personally. Tyler was tall and athletic-looking, with dark skin, his hair and eyes were a matching brown. Ben was the shortest of the group, he had golden-brown skin and black hair that he wore with bangs swooped to one side, landing just above his glasses. I tried to focus on the conversations going on around me but my thoughts kept wandering back to Edward. I was dreading the moment he entered the room and turned his angry gaze on me.

My anxiety only grew while I waited. My appetite never appeared, my muscles were tense, and my knee was shaking so much that the chair under me squeaked in protest. He never appeared, rendering all my anxious energy useless.

After lunch came Biology. I approached the door with dread coiling in my stomach. Maybe he'd decided to get lunch somewhere else in town, which meant he would still be in class. I hesitated outside for as long as I dared, but the warning bell sounded. Classes were starting.

Edward wasn’t in his seat when I entered, and the dread faded. Until about halfway through class when the realization hit me, it had merely transformed into a messy combination of guilt and irritation.

How could I have pushed Edward away before I even had a chance to speak to him? How could he hate me so much he’d skip school to avoid me?

I told myself repeatedly that I couldn’t possibly be the problem. After all, Edward didn’t even know me. Still, the voice in the back of my mind that said it was all my fault just wouldn’t go away.

The day took a turn towards terrible when we had soccer in gym. I tripped over my own feet several times, fell in the mud, scraped my palms, and even misaimed a kick so much that the ball hit one of my classmates in the face. After that, the teacher told me to stand in the corner of the field and watch. When school finally let out, I practically ran to my truck. I slammed the door in my hurry to get inside and cringed over it. Then I turned the key and put the heater on high, waiting for the warm air to come rushing out of the vents.

I backed out of my space and into the line of people waiting to exit the parking lot. As I waited for my turn to leave, I saw the Cullens and the Hale twins getting into their car. A shiny Ford. Of course. Previously, I’d been too dazzled by the Cullens’ supernatural beauty to notice their clothing, but now it was obvious they came from money. I felt a brief stab of jealousy. It wasn’t enough that they were so pretty, they had to be well off, too?

I yanked my gaze away from them but I could feel the group stare at me as I drove past them. Did they share the theory that I drove Edward away?

This morning, Charlie had asked me to pick up a few things from the grocery store after school. It was only a few minutes away- but so was everything else. The bright lights and stocked shelves reminded me of doing the shopping back home. I fell into the familiar pattern with ease. It was practically second nature how I ghosted through the aisles, keeping track of Charlie's budget in my head.

When I got back to the house, I shoved the groceries wherever they could fit and began to prep dinner. All it took was tossing some steaks in a marinade and throwing some potatoes in the oven. This was a meal that I knew Charlie would approve of, and the perfect way to introduce him to the idea of me doing the cooking.

When I finished the prep, I took my backpack upstairs and threw on a pair of pjs, tying my hair up afterward. Glancing at my school bag again, I sighed. Most of the homework I’d been assigned today was covering things I’d already done back home-- and I wasn’t looking forward to repeating it.

Instead, I put the effort into checking my email for the first time since my arrival. Charlie still had dial-up, and the laptop beeped and screeched at me as it connected. Renee had signed us both up for a service called NetMail through AOL so we could stay in touch through e-mail.

Three unopened messages.

Bella,

Write to me as soon as you get time. I want to know everything about your flight! How is Charlie doing? Is it raining there? I’m sure it is.

I miss you already. I’m almost finished packing for Florida, but I can’t find that pink floral shirt. Do you know where I put it?

Phil says hi and good luck at school tomorrow. We love you!

Mom

That was sent about three hours into my five-hour flight to Seattle. I sighed and clicked the next one. It was sent eight hours after the first.

Bella,

Why haven’t you emailed me back? I’m waiting to hear from you.

Mom

The newest email was from this morning.

Isabella Swan, if I haven’t heard from you by 5:30 pm, I will call Charlie.

My mom and I had always gotten along well, but Renee had leaned on me for a lot. I was sure that she was spiraling already. I glanced at the clock in the corner of the screen. There was still an hour until mom’s deadline, but I had a feeling she would get antsy and call early.

Mom,

Everything is fine. Don’t worry. I was just waiting for something to write about.

Bella.

Send.

Now that the danger of my mother interrupting Charlie’s workday was out of the way, I began a second email.

Mom,

Your blouse is at the dry cleaners, you were supposed to pick it up after dropping me off at the airport.

Of course it’s raining. I have to slosh through puddles to get to every single class I have. Speaking of, school is fine. Repetitive. I’ve already done most of what we’re covering. Easy graduation credits, I guess!

Charlie bought me a truck! I couldn’t believe it. It’s this old, sturdy thing. Which is good. You know. For me. I love it.

I miss you too. I can’t check my email every five minutes, though. Breathe. It’ll be okay. I’ll write again when I have something interesting to talk about, I promise. I love you.

Bella

The novel we were studying in English was Wuthering Heights, which happened to be one of my favorites. My copy of the book was a well-worn hardback, the edges of the cover softened with age. It was easy to sink into the familiar fictional world; by the time Lockwood was having his first nightmare, the sounds of the world around me had blurred and faded into the background.

“Bella?” My dad’s voice rumbled downstairs.

Oh, crap, I had forgotten all about dinner! After hastily shoving a bookmark into place, the book was tossed onto my pillow. I rushed downstairs, tripping over my own feet at the bottom step, but Charlie was there to catch me by the shoulders.

“Where’s the fire?” He asked, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“I forgot about dinner,” I explained sheepishly, leading the way to the kitchen to pull the potatoes out of the oven. I put the steak in to broil before turning around to look at Charlie with an apologetic smile. “I wanted to have it ready for when you got home.”

“Bells, you don’t have to do that.” He said with a small frown. He must think I had the same bizarre food tastes as Renee. Her experiments in the kitchen often ended up in the trash, completely inedible.

“It’s just steak and potatoes.” I shrugged dismissively, fluttering one hand. To balance out my mom’s wacky dinners, I had learned how to fend for myself and make it taste pretty good, too.

“That’s not what I meant,” Charlie said, hanging his jacket on the back of his chair at the table.

“What did you mean?” He set the table while I pulled the food out of the oven. I caught him sniffing appreciatively at the air.

“I mean, I should be the one cooking dinner, not the other way around.” There was an unspoken duh. As if nothing in the world made more sense than for Charlie to cook dinner for us. My throat tightened a little and my eyes watered. I turned to get myself a glass of water so I could collect myself without him seeing how something so simple had affected me.

“Oh.”

Charlie sat at the table, and I sat across from him.

“It smells good, though. Thanks, Bell.” He smiled warmly at me and I noticed how his eyes were beginning to crinkle at the corners. He was beginning to show signs of age now; lines in his face, salt and pepper flecked his scruff.

We ate in silence for a while, which was more than fine by me. Charlie and I were quiet people and though I had misjudged my role here, we were good housemates.

“How was school?” He asked, interrupting my thoughts, “Make any friends yet?”

“Well…” I tapped some pepper onto my potatoes to stall for time. “Everyone’s really nice. I sit with a group of people at lunch, but I don’t know if I’d say we’re friends yet.”

“Sitting with people at lunch is a good way to start making friends,” Charlie encouraged me. Was it that obvious how worried I was about being the new kid? And the reaction I’d gotten from certain classmates…

“Do you know the Cullen family?” I asked suddenly, curiosity overtaking me before I could stop it.

“Dr. Cullen’s family? Sure.”

“The kids don’t seem to fit in.” I decided not to worry Charlie with Edward’s reaction to me.

“Dr. Cullen has been a huge help to the community, you know,” Charlie said, more strongly than before. “We’re lucky to have him. He could have his pick of jobs all over the place. His wife wanted a small-town life, though. Sure, I was worried when they moved here with all those kids, but I haven't had one ounce of trouble from them.” He was really gathering steam now. “But just because they’re new to town and a little different, people just have to gossip about them.”

I rethought my approach.

“I just meant that they sort of stick to themselves.” I tucked my hair behind my ear before continuing. “They all seem pretty smart.” Or just pretty.

Charlie shrugged one shoulder. “Guess there’s not much you can do in a town like this. People decided they were outsiders, so why should they try to make friends? Maybe you’ll have something in common with one of them.”

I didn’t answer him, too busy thinking about what he’d said. We finished eating in silence, and he cleared the table before I had a chance to. I stood next to the table, feeling a little useless.

“You don’t have to take care of me, you know,” I said, nodding to the pile of dirty dishes that Charlie had just finished stacking next to the sink.

“That’s my job, Bells.” He kissed my forehead before retiring to the living room to put on the game of the night. I blinked quickly to counter the sudden wetness that sprung up in the corners of my eyes.

Determined to help out around the house somehow, I turned back to the dishes. Charlie might want to take care of me, but that didn’t mean I had to be a freeloader. I washed the dishes by hand, and set them in the rack to dry. With no other preoccupations, there was nothing left to do but trudge upstairs to work on my math homework

When I finally tumbled into bed, exhausted, I slept dreamlessly.

The rest of the week flew by in an uneventful blur. I learned where all my classes were and how to get to them the fastest. I was also able to place most of my classmate’s names to their faces- and they knew not to pick me in gym class. Jessica was still happily chatting my ear off at every opportunity, and when I needed a reprieve from that- Angela Weber was there to quietly discuss Wuthering Heights.

Edward Cullen didn’t return to school.

The whole week, I shared my first class of the day with Rosalie, but I could never gather the courage to speak to her and ask what her brother’s problem was, or if he was coming back. Every day, I watched their table to confirm that he wasn’t there, then I could relax. Recently, Mike had really been pushing the idea of a weekend beach trip, and Jess and Angela always made sure to mention that I was welcome to come. I agreed to go, mostly out of a want to get to know my new friends. Whatever they called a beach here would only fall short of my expectations. By Friday, I confidently walked into Biology with the knowledge that Edward wouldn’t be there with his strange, hateful stare.

My first weekend in Forks was, predictably, boring. Charlie, who had been working weekends for the last fifteen years, spent most of his time at the Sheriff’s Office. I spent my time cleaning the house, reading ahead for English class, and emailing with my mom.

On Saturday, I went to the Forks Public Library but I was disappointed by their selection, and didn’t even bother to get a card. I looked at the local stores to see what their small selections had, but no dice. It seemed I was going to have to make a trip out of town if I wanted any new reading material. Would my truck be okay on the freeway?

Thankfully, the rain remained a soft pattering and didn’t hinder my sleep too much.

On Monday morning, people smiled and waved at me in the parking lot. I waved back, even at the people whose names escaped me. It was cold this morning, but the rain had taken a hiatus.

In English, Mike sat next to me, reliable as ever. We had a surprise quiz on Wuthering Heights, no doubt I would get an excellent grade on it. I was more confident and comfortable in Forks High School than I had expected even a week ago. More comfortable than I had ever expected to be in Forks.

When English ended, the class streamed outside… and into a flurry of white tufts in the air. I could hear teenagers yelling gleefully from every direction. My nose twinged in the cold.

“Snow!” Mike grinned.

I shoved my hands into my pockets, surveying the sidewalk for ice. “Ew.” I wrinkled my nose.

“You don’t like snow?” Mike asked, his gleeful look dampening significantly.

“I guess it’s better than rain.” I conceded. “But I thought it was supposed to be prettier than this. Distinct flakes or whatever.”

Mike looked at me with all the disbelief he could muster. “You’ve never seen snow?”

“Well, yeah. On TV.” I said defensively.

Mike laughed, but the sound was cut short by a ball of slush hitting him in the back of the head. I anxiously looked in the direction it had come from, ready to use my backpack as a shield. Eric had his back to us, walking in the wrong direction for his next class. Mike knelt down to scoop up his own ball of mush.

“You know what, I’ll just see you at lunch,” I said hurriedly, beginning to make my way towards the school. “Once people start throwing things, I get out of range.” I shot him an apologetic smile, but his eyes were trained on Eric’s back.

The only thing anyone wanted to talk about was the snow’s sudden arrival. I bit my tongue, to not ruin everyone else’s excitement. It seemed like I was the only one who wasn’t fond of the cold, wet weather.

When it came time for lunch, I hurried to the cafeteria with Jess. Snowballs were flying left and right, though they didn’t really stick together well enough to be qualified as a ball. Jessica thought that I was being dramatic about the whole thing, but she was nice enough to not pull me into the brief snowball fight between herself, Mike, Eric, Ben.

The fight only lasted from building 3 to building 1, where the cafeteria was. Mike opened the door for us. They argued about who had won as we waited in line to pay for our food. Nothing but habit brought my eyes to the table that the four Cullens occupied every day. Only today there were five of them. I froze where I stood. It would be better to be back out in the snow.

Jess tapped on my shoulder. “Earth to Bella! Hello?”

I looked down, feeling the heat from my cheeks up to the tips of my ears when I blushed. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, though, I firmly reminded myself.

“Are you alright?” Mike asked, leaning over Jessica’s shoulder to look at me.

“I’m fine,” I mumbled, tucking my hair back. I carelessly tossed an apple and milk crate onto my tray and followed my friends.

“Are you sure you feel okay?” Ben pressed.

“Actually, I feel kind of sick,” I admitted, sitting next to Jess and keeping my eyes down. Twice more during lunch, someone asked how I was feeling. For a fleeting moment, I considered playing it up so I could skip my next class. Biology with Edward. I almost shuddered at the thought but reminded myself that I’d done nothing wrong. Edward was the one with the problem. I steeled myself and looked at the Cullen’s table. If he still looked at me like I was some kind of loathsome monster, maybe I would skip.

At the end of the table, Mike laughed boisterously at something; this was my excuse to look in that direction, and then peer past him to the table where the otherworldly family was sitting. None of them looked at me. I sat up straighter. They were joking and laughing with each other. They appeared to have snow in their hair, though it was melting rapidly under the school’s heating system. Rosalie and Edward were leaning away as Jasper shook his head like a dog- causing icy water to fly at them. They were just enjoying the snow like everyone else, only they looked like movie stars.

Besides how loud and happy they were compared to last week, there was something else that was amiss about the scene. I found myself staring at them individually as I tried to figure it out. I was the most familiar with Rosalie, since we shared a class, so I started with her. She looked the same as ever: stunningly beautiful. The others looked the same as always too, maybe the scene had seemed off because Edward had returned.

I looked at him with the most attention. He was flushed, for one. Maybe from laughter, or the cold. It looked like he had finally gotten a good night’s sleep, the bags under his eyes were much less pronounced. There was still something, though…

“Bella, what are you staring at?” Jess asked me, pushier than usual. How long had I been spacing out?

Her eyes followed my gaze.

Edward looked our way as if we had called out to him, even though we were all the way across the room. I looked away quickly, but not quickly enough. Our eyes met for just a second. He wasn’t wearing that angry expression from last week, he looked curious again.

What was this guy’s deal? Why couldn’t he make up his mind?

“Edward Cullen is staring at you.” She said in a hushed voice.

“Really?” I squeaked. “I don’t think he likes me.” I felt queasy, and offered to trade Eric my milk for his water bottle. He accepted and I took a large gulp of the refreshing liquid as soon as he passed it over.

“It’s okay, Bella.” She said comfortingly. “The Cullen’s don’t usually like anyone. But he’s still looking at you.”

“Stop looking!” I hissed.

She giggled, but looked away. I took a smaller sip of water, focusing with all my might on not looking at the Cullens.

Mike spoke up then, and I had never been more thankful for his interruption. He was planning a snowball fight after school, and announced it loud enough for everyone to hear. Jessica agreed enthusiastically, but I was starting to think she would agree to do anything as long as Mike was involved. I decidedly didn’t speak up, and began to plot where to hide until the fight was over and I could safely make it to my truck.

When the bell rang, I made my way to the door quickly-- hoping to avoid walking to class with Mike, who seemed to be a large target for snowballs. But he and my other friends caught up to me in two long strides. When we got to the door, everyone groaned. The snow had pretty much stopped coming down, and what little snow had stuck to the ground was muddy and gross. I hid my pleased smile and tested the iciness of the sidewalk. As good a grip as any other day. Well, on a good day for me. Mike complained about the snow’s disappearance until we got to the door of the biology classroom.

I was relieved to see my table was empty and rushed to it as if getting there first allowed me some kind of claim on the space. Of course, this wasn’t the case, but it made me feel better nonetheless. I had been here all last week, after all.

Mrs. Ramone began to hand out microscopes and slides, and my classmates chattered quietly among themselves. I doodled on the cover of my notebook, sketching out the sparrow I could see from the window next to my table.

The chair next to me was pulled out with an unsettling screech, but I very carefully kept my eyes averted from my tablemate.

“Hello,” Said a quiet, musical voice.

This was the first time one of the Cullens had spoken directly to me, and something about the windchime quality of Edward's voice sent a shock through me. I sat rigidly and whipped my head around to face him.

He was sitting at the furthest end of the desk, like last week, but his chair was turned so that he was facing me. It almost seemed casual but something was jarring about the whole thing. He seemed unnatural somehow, like he didn’t belong here. His expression was friendlier than I expected, a polite smile gracing his features, but his eyes were guarded.

“I’m sure you’ve already gathered by now, but I’m Edward Cullen,” He continued, “And you’re Bella Swan, right?”

My mind swam. Had I completely imagined Edward’s hostility? He was friendly now, if a little strange.

“Why did you call me Bella?” I blurted.

“Oh, is Bella for friends only? I just-” Edward faltered.

“No, I prefer Bella. Everyone called me Isabella when I first got here… I guess Charlie- I mean, my dad- must call me that when I’m not around.” I explained, feeling even more out of my element than usual. I felt tongue-tied in front of this strange guy.

Thankfully, Ms. Romane clapped her hands together to gather our attention. I was incredibly grateful for being saved from any more embarrassing small talk. Today, we were going to be identifying and sorting cells into the phases of mitosis without looking at our books. The teacher would be making rounds at the end of class to see who got it right.

“Let’s get going everyone!” She clapped her hands together again.

“Shall we?” Edward asked, smiling crookedly as he pushed the microscope towards me. I was once again struck by his dazzling beauty-- until his smile began to fade. “Or I can start,” He added. Shoot, I must have waited too long to answer him.

“I can do it.” I shook my head a little to clear it from the fuzz that had momentarily clouded my mind. I hoped I wasn’t blushing.

Okay, maybe I wanted to show off a little. My previous school had been more advanced than Forks High, and I had already done this before. It was easy. I slid the little glass slide into place and adjusted the microscope until it was properly focused. It only took me a few seconds for me to assess the slide.

“Prophase.”

I started to remove the slide, but Edward reached out to stop me. “Mind if I look?” His hand was freezing, as if he had just come in from playing with the snow. I couldn’t help but gasp and pull my hand away. Besides being cold, it was as though he had shocked me. I tried to chalk it up to static electricity he took the microscope.

Curiously, I watched him examine the slide. He had barely looked at the thing before writing prophase gracefully on our worksheet. He switched out the slides and glanced at the second one just as quickly as the first.

“Anaphase,” He said, writing it down as he spoke.

“Mind if I check?” I asked, sounding more courageous than I felt.

Edward pushed the microscope my way, this time avoiding any contact between us. I tried to look as quickly as possible. I was disappointed, he was right.

“The next one?” I asked, my competitive nature peeking out. He handed it to me, still careful to not let our skin touch.

“Interphase,” I announced. He took the microscope from me with an amused smile.

Despite our competition, we were the first team finished. Mike and his partner, a girl named Ali, were comparing two slides repeatedly. Another group seemed to have broken a slide and were trying to tape it back together. I tried to hide my own amused smile at that. Unfortunately, finishing first meant that we had nothing to do but wait for the end of class. I tried not to look at him, but that didn’t last long.

When I glanced up, Edward was looking at me with intensity. Frustrated again, like he was trying to remember something. Suddenly, it clicked in my brain. Why his family looked so different.

“Are you wearing contacts?” I asked. Oops. I hope that wasn’t being rude.

Edward blinked in surprise. “No,” The way he said it, with a lilt towards the end, made it sound like a question.

“Oh.” I mumbled. “I just thought there was something different about your eyes.”

He shrugged. “They are kind of a weird color, right? I think it’s genetic.”

I was sure that it was something other than a mutated brown color, though. I could distinctly remember the black color of his eyes the first time I had seen him. The stark contrast between his hateful stare and the pallor of his face. Only today, his eyes weren’t black. They were a dark butterscotch color, the golden tone that shone in them complimented his bronze hair. I couldn’t make sense of how that could be. Unless he was lying about the contacts. Maybe I had just imagined the darkness of his eyes in my anxiety.

I glanced down. Edward’s hands were clenched into fists. Only for a moment. Then they smoothed out and he smiled at me. I almost forgot to be suspicious of him.

Ms. Ramone came to check our work. She squinted at the paper then frowned at Edward. “You didn’t share with your partner, Edward?” She asked, looking at the worksheet holding only Edward’s elegant handwriting on it.

“Bella actually identified three out of five of the slides, Ms. Ramone,” Edward said with a charming smile.

She turned to me then. “Well done, Bella. Have you taken this class before?”

“Not with onion root,” I admitted with a sheepish smile.

“Whitefish?”

“Yeah.”

She nodded. “Were you an advanced placement student in your last school?”

“Only in science and English.” I couldn’t help being a little proud.

“I suppose it’s good that you and Edward are partnered, then.” She said with a small chuckle, moving on to check Mike and Ali’s work. I began to doodle on my notebook again, filling in little details to my drawing from before.

“Too bad about the snow, huh?” Edward asked, his musical voice jarring me out of my thoughts. I hated small talk, and I had the feeling he was only forcing himself to be polite to me, anyway.

“Not really.” I mumbled, past bothering to hide my irritation with the weather.

“You don’t like the cold?”

“Or the wet.”

“It doesn’t sound like Forks is your kind of place, then.” He said, thoughtfully.

“You have no idea,” I grumbled, glancing at the window and privately shooing the clouds away.

He looked like I had said something incredibly profound. I impossibly tried not to be distracted by his expression.

“So why’d you move here?” His voice was pure curiosity. He didn’t want to know because I was the shiny new toy, gossip for his friends. He seemed genuinely interested and no one had bothered to ask me that yet, especially so pointedly. It took me by surprise.

“Um.”

“You don’t have to tell me.” It looked like he couldn’t bear not knowing.

I hesitated, but met his eyes. His golden gaze captivated me, and I blurted out an answer without even thinking about it.

“My mom got married.”

“Oh, and you didn’t like the guy?”

“No, Phil’s great. Really.”

“So why didn’t you stay with them?” Edward’s voice was still burning with curiosity, but there was an underlying kindness to it.

It didn’t make any sense why he was so interested. He was staring at me like I was holding the answers to the universe. If he was always this intense, it was going to give me whiplash the next time he decided that he was going to be hostile.

“Phil’s a minor league baseball player, so he travels a lot.” I smiled, remembering piling into his van with my mom to travel with them. It had been fun, for a while.

“Is he famous?” Edward asked in a light tone.

“I don’t think you’ll have heard of him.”

“So your mother sent you here so that she could travel with her new husband?” Edward tried to untangle the threads of my story.

I shook my head, almost insulted. “No,” I said indignantly, “I sent myself.”

His brows furrowed. “I don’t get it.”

I sighed. Why was I explaining this to him anyway? Why did he care?

“Well. She stayed home with me for a while, but she missed him. It made her unhappy, that didn’t work. So the three of us traveled together for a while. That was fun, but it wasn’t…” I struggled to find the right word, “Stable. So I decided that it was time that I came to be with my dad.” I tried not to sound glum about being stuck in Forks because the truth was that I really was glad to spend time with Charlie. I just wished we got to spend time together somewhere else.

“But you’re not happy.” He said simply.

“So?” I raised an eyebrow.

“It’s not fair,” He shrugged, but their eyes hadn’t lost their intensity. “It sucks.”

“Why’s it matter to you anyway?” I demanded, resisting the urge to childishly stick my tongue out at him.

“Good question.” He muttered, mostly to himself. That seemed like the only answer I was going to get. This was confirmed by Ms. Ramone interrupting us by calling for the class’s attention. I couldn’t understand how this bizarre, beautiful boy had gotten me to reveal more about my life to him than any of my new friends had. And there was still the mystery of whether or not he hated me. He had seemed friendly enough during our conversation, but I could see him leaning away from me now, hands curled into fists again.

I tried to at least look like I was paying attention to Ms. Ramone’s debriefing.

When the bell finally rang, Edward swiftly took his leave. He moved gracefully, like a large cat on the prowl. I stared after him in amazement and Mike took this as an opportunity to hop to my side.

“That sucked!” He groaned. “I couldn’t tell any of ‘em apart. You’re lucky you had Cullen to do it for you.”

“I identified half of ours,” I snapped at Mike, stung by his comment and frustrated by Edward. Immediately, I regretted taking out my strange mood on him. It didn’t seem to dull Mike’s mood much.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” He said, holding his hands up in surrender.

He changed the subject to the beach trip, lamenting that the snow from earlier indicated that it was still too cold to go. His chattering just couldn’t hold my attention as we walked to gym. He was on my team today, and graciously let me sit out. I still managed to catch my toe on the lip of the doorway and almost tripped on my way out after class.

A mist was gathering in the parking lot as I made my way to my truck. I idly thought about giving it a name, if it had enough personality to warrant giving it one. Time would tell on that. As per my new routine, I hopped into the cab and turned the heater on high. My cold hands warmed in front of the vents before fluffing up my damp hair so it would dry out on the short drive home.

Before backing up, I looked around to make sure no one was behind me. I noticed a still, pale figure in my mirror and realized it was Edward Cullen. He was leaning against his Ford, staring right at me. My heart jolted in my chest, causing my foot to jump off the clutch too fast-- the engine stalled. I groaned and rolled my eyes. Turning the engine over again and cautiously pulling out, I stared ahead as I drove. As I passed, I could swear Edward was laughing at me.

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krys-loves-otome · 4 years

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30 Days of Fanfic, Days 1-4

Saw this literally cross my dash yesterday and decided, you know what, I'm gonna try this.

There isn't a masterlist for this, as the original poster is only posting the prompts day to day (which sucks for me that wants to queue things and be punctual) but day to day means I probably miss some days and combine days together to catch up (like today) so don't rely on me for daily updates of the questions. You can check out the tag 30 Days of Fanfic and follow it (or keep it open, as I plan on doing, but you do you, boo).

Also, under a cut because WOW did this get long (well, duh, it's 4 days of catch up, lol).

So, without much ado, here's Days 1 through 4 of the 30 Days of Fanfic!

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Day 1 - How did you first get into writing fanfic, and what was the first fandom you wrote for? What do you think it was about that fandom that pulled you in?

I've been off and on with fic writing since the early 2000s, starting off in my middle school days reading fics on geocities sites and some of the early years of Fanfictiondotnet, and realized, hey, I wanna do this too! Got my start on fanfictiondotnet in 2002 with Dragonball Z fics, of all things (mostly AUs, judging from my FFN page).

When I first got into DBZ, it actually wasn't playing on our local broadcast tv (since my family couldn't afford cable at the time), so I actually got into with random VHS tapes and DVDs in bargain bins. Which meant the episodes no one really liked (the Saiyaman saga (Gohan as a teenage superhero and early tournament arc stuff), some early parts of the Freeza saga, and Trunks's introduction, etc), basically a lot of the filler stuff. Essentially, I was introduced first to the character stuff rather than the punch-y, action-y fighting stuff and got to know them outside of the fighting. The fandom at the time (or at least in the places where I found it) was also more focused on character dynamics rather than fighting and I think that gave me the courage to start making my own stories.

DBZ is also special to me as it got me into drawing fanart seriously as well. We didn't have a printer at the time, so if I wanted art of my own, I had to stare at the monitor for hours to recreate the art (and then cry when dial-up kicked me off and everything went away, then listened to that noise as it tried to get back up again. That was the reality of AOL, lol). This was also the same if I wanted to have fanfic to read on the go as well. Since reading on your phone or any sort of portable device wouldn't become a thing for a few more years, I handwrote that shit (was too embarrassed to print off at school like the normal kids) and kept it all in a binder. 'Tis also the reason I tend to handwrite fics before I put them on something digital, be it my laptop or my phone now. It also helped to develop my handwriting speed and accuracy.

But yeah, DBZ was my kicking off point for my fandom career and the beginning of my fandom journey into who I am now.

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Day 2 - Name the Fandoms you've written in, how much you've written in those fandoms, and if you still write for them.

Oh gosh, all of them? Quick reminder, I've been in fandom actively since at least 2002! This is going to be a super long list, oh god…

Middle School/High School Writing (because this is gonna be huge, I'm gonna divide things into time chunks)

First and foremost, I'll start with the two biggest ones of early writing days, DBZ, as stated for Day 1's entry, and Yu-Gi-Oh! (Duel Monsters specifically, we'll get to the later series(s) in a bit.)

DBZ: Like I said, I mostly did AUs for this one, the very first fic being about Bulma marrying someone she didn't like (Yamcha, apparently) with Vegeta being on the run from Freeza and the two meet and fall in love and whatnot. Bardock is apparently Bulma's dad, and Goku is her brother, for some reason. And one chapter is a song fic.

Yes, really.

There was also one where Goku didn't hit his head when he was a baby, and Chichi was mute for some reason and they get together. There was also the Radditz fic that was paired with an OC and she helps him learn about human life and they get together (and the first time I delved into dark subject matter with this one). This one also has my highest word count to date (27,448) and was (actually) finished in 2004. (It had a sequel started, but I never finished it, whoops).

YGO: This one was happening simultaneously with DBZ and was probably my biggest fandom in my early days, between writing fic and RP-ing in AIM. First YGO fic (on FFN) is a poetry collection that I'm kinda afraid to read now. There was also my next longest fic where Yuugi was in the real world, with YGO being a TV show, and he gets sucked into the tv and into the 'world' of YGO, and it's really weird and really… really gay.

My BL love for YGO was strong in these days.

There were a few birthday one-shots, one fic where Shadi and Ishizu hooked up because that was a thing. I also had a YGO crossover with Lord of the Rings and that was also weird. Ryou Bakura was also a fallen angel at one point that landed in Ancient Egypt (with strong doses of the BL), and Pegasus having a daughter in another fic because why not.

Misc: -Crack crossover fic because that was also a thing in the mid-2000s, being high on sugar and all that nonsense. -Poetry collection for Rurouni Kenshin. -Reincarnation fic for Lord of the Rings (or Modern AU, possibly both, I can't tell. Also, self insert, it looks like. Because who wasn't at least a little in love with Legolas in 2004). -An Animorphs fic (hell yeah, Animorphs!) where Visser Three kidnaps Alloran’s pregnant wife Jahar for leverage against Alloran (because the Visser wants them Andalite babies to use for future hosts) and it's sad. -A Fushigi Yuugi fic where, instead of just one priestess, there's one for each of the celestial warriors, one of them being the daughter of their patron god Suzaku, because why not. -And a Harry Potter fic where teen pregnancy is explored (or, from the description alone, Draco can magic girls pregnant for some reason and I'm scared to read further).

Everything from High School Graduation until about 2015: College time! Didn't have much time for fic writing and was more into RP-ing to help take my mind off the stress of college and work life. Some notable exceptions were a kid fic with Dante and Vergil from Devil May Cry trying to figure out if Santa is real and a Hinata/Sasuke fic (because I was a big shipper of them back then) where they hook up after Naruto and Sakura's engagement because screw what canon says. Later (around 2013-2014ish) I also copied an idea from an RP friend at the time who was writing fics based on YGO fanart at the time. Also did some more YGO stuff during this time as well, small drabbles that I put together in a collection when I didn't finish them but wanted to post something anyway.

2015, the Jump Back into Fandom Proper I was finally finding my place on tumblr and I fell back into the YGO fandom, specifically with the latest series of the time, Arc V. It was the most I'd interacted with fandom at large since...ever, doing fic requests and theorizing what was gonna happen with other fans on a weekly basis, it was some good times back then. I even participated in my first monthly challenge, the Arc V 1 Year Anniversary where I was drawing and writing again like crazy for a whole month straight. I even did one multi-chapter fic during this time 'The Misadventures of Ruri Kurosaki and Her Traveling Band of Emo Birds' where I did an AU of the events leading up to Ruri's eventual kidnapping (also my first time delving into Post-Apocalyptic kinda fic). Some other notables that I like are pretty much anything involving the XYZ-trio (Ruri, Yuuto, and Shun), Ruri being a prisoner in the Fusion Dimension (my personal favorite is Prisoner Princess)… okay, just anything involving the XYZ-trio, whether alone or paired with one or the other, I'm a huge sucker for their dynamic (that canon didn't give and I was devastated, so I took matters into my own hands, lol).

2016, The Modern Era After cooling down from Arc-V who should come by to sweep me off my feet but Haikyuu!! and Mystic Messenger! Only posted two fics for Haikyuu, both of which are still my most viewed and kudos'd fics, and I'm still amazed they're still getting love, four years later. (I had a third planned with the Reader living in a polyship with the third years of Aoba Johsai in college/after college, but it didn't really go anywhere. The boys basically come together to catch a panty thief that has been stealing Reader's underwear off the clothesline. It also involved throwing underwear at each other in a fight.)

Mystic Messenger started my writing for otome fandoms, wanting to participate in a week-long appreciation week, so I wrote stories for the majority of the days (one day had a little scribble of fanart as I was burned out with writing so much so quickly). But this was also the time when my laptop then was dying, so I had to write the majority of the prompts on my phone (including the html so I could post them to tumblr) and it… was not a fun time, to say the least, which also contributed to the burnout. Some fics from here are Smiles (the Zen cheering up the reader fic), Love at First Sight (Jumin route inspired one-shot), Broken Glass (707 route inspired where he and the Reader are interacting in person for the first time, when they can't hide behind screens and cameras anymore and their real selves come out), and a Stripper Zen AU that was inspired by a hilarious typo in-game.

2017 and Beyond Stayed mostly in otome realms since 2016, doing some 100 word writing challenges for various otomes, including MysMe, Dandelion, Hakuoki, Seduce Me the Otome, and various others. In 2019, I got into writing for my most recent fandom, Ikemen Sengoku (been in it since about 2018, but only recently started writing for it). This is the most recent one I've written for and still write for.

As for fandoms I still write for, while I like to think that I will write in them again if the inspo takes me ( I did a rewrite challenge with my Animorphs fic once, doing a rewrite in 2010 from the original 2005 version, so visiting old fics isn't completely off the table), some of these are so old now (and some fandoms don't have good associations for me anymore), so I probably won't be writing for some of the older stuff, like DBZ, Naruto, and some of the older one-shots. I still have some plans for some MysMe fics (like an extended version of Standing Still and another one involving Jumin) but they're mostly on the backburner while I work on my IkeSen stuff.

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Day 3 - For each of the fandoms you've written in, what were/are your favorite characters to write? Why were these characters your favorites? (Can be main, side, established, or original!)

I'm gonna stick to the most major of fandoms from the previous day, as some are just one fic per fandom, so I can't say if they're my favorite for writing in that fandom if I've only written for it once :'D

Can't remember the DBZ stuff because it's been too long. I think I liked writing Goku since he's appeared in 2 of the fics from that era?

YGO: It was definitely Ryou and the Bakura trio. Still kind of is, to this day. Ryou was my favorite because I related most to him in the show, and he doesn't get as much love as some of the other characters do. He became my baby once the show didn't… show him as much love anymore.

Naruto: I loved Hinata and shipping her around with the various boys. I related to her the most of the other Naruto girls, so it was a kinda wish fulfillment when I shipped her with various boys (mostly Naruto, Sasuke, and Gaara).

YGO Arc V: The XYZ Trio, especially Ruri. Like Ryou, Ruri didn't get much development in the series and me, having been invested in her so much once she had a name and attachment to two of my favorite characters of the series, I just took her and made her my own.

Haikyuu: I loved writing Oikawa. I'm sorry, but I did. He can be such a shit and it's just… so much fun to write. I especially love writing his dynamic with Iwaizumi.

MysMe: I like writing Jumin for some reason. Like, I have weird feels for Jumin that I'll probably make a post about someday, but to summarize: He's cool outside of his route; in his route, there are some elements I'm Definitely Not Okay With, but then fandom brings me back and then I love him again. … It’s really weird.

IkeSen: I like writing Mitsuhide. Like Oikawa, he's got this certain appeal as a shit-stirrer and it's just... So much fun.

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Day 4 - Do you have a 'muse' character(s), that speaks to you more than others, or that tries to push their way in, even when the fic isn't about them? Who are they, and why did that character(s) become your muse? Are they a canon character or an OC?

For the longest time, Ryou from YGO was probably my biggest inspiration for a lot of things, writing-wise. He was one of the first characters I RP-ed, both in my AIM days and in my Livejournal and Dreamwidth RP days. He was one of my first loves when I was getting into YGO BL (Ryou and Bakura, aka Tendershipping, was the ship of dreams for years, at least until the Thief King came along, then I was absolutely a goner for Ryou and Thief King, or Gemshipping, because naming ships with specific words instead of smushing names together was a thing for the YGO fandom (probably still is, as far as I'm aware. Pokemon did something similar, I believe). Ryou was the first time I explored cis-genderbending in fic and RP (not so subtly inspired by a series of fics I read in 2004 where Ryou was also genderbended there and was in a polyship with Bakura, Malik and his dark half (I even named two of my cats after their kids, Aria and Aten, lol)

For the longest time, he was my biggest inspiration for creativity and a comforting presence when I wasn't feeling too good about myself and when I needed to get something out, Ryou was there for me to get out ideas or any negativity I was experiencing. Also, fun fact, I got my first car on Ryou's birthday, September 2nd, and I always called it Ryou (mostly to myself, as it seemed silly to name your car after a character you've loved since middle school). I also like that he got more of a backstory in Darkside of Dimensions when I watched that and felt like I was in middle school again, watching YGO again, but with upgraded animation and story and everything was just *chef's kiss*

I've drifted away from YGO since then and have found new fandoms to play in, but I doubt anyone else could replace what Ryou has meant to me over the years. A close friend I could always look back on with fondness, who I would gladly take the hand of again and have him with me if the occasion calls for it. So, yeah. Ryou's my muse.

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fire-toolz · 4 years

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My family's beloved 16-year-old Siamese cat, Webley, died in my arms last year. He'd been a sleek fat kitty before he got ill, but he'd lost weight and lost weight till he was little more than a bedraggled shadow. At the end he could barely lift his head, and then the vet gave him the shot and he couldn't lift his head at all. I was scratching his ears as I'd so often done before, and suddenly they dropped, and whatever I was petting wasn't Webley anymore. It's one of the worst memories of my life.

I've been thinking about Webley a lot while listening to the new Fire-Toolz album, Rainbow Bridge, which comes out May 8 on local label Hausu Mountain. Angel Marcloid, a Chicago musician who records as Fire-Toolz (as well as under several other names), made Rainbow Bridge about her 16-year-old cat, Breakfast, also a Siamese, who died in December 2018. The album is an idiosyncratic collage of guttural death-metal roars, electronic bleeps, and vaporwave ambience. Bleak, sweet, and quietly unflinching, it slides back and forth between two emotional poles: one boils with rage and grief, while the other is steeped in a comforting lyricism as gentle as a cat rubbing its chin against your hand. "It's been a while, but I think about her every day," Marcloid says. "I still have moments where I feel her close and I just cry a whole bunch. I've got her ashes two feet from me right now. I have a tattoo of her on my chest. So yeah, I'm happy to honor her in my music."

From as early as she can remember, Marcloid says, music made her feel things "that are just so abstract and visceral and hard to put your finger on." She was born near Annapolis in 1984 to a music-loving family; her parents constantly played CDs of hair metal, the Beatles, and her all-time favorite band, Rush. Marcloid started making little drum sets out of pots and pans almost as soon as she could walk.

Her first public performance was when she was seven. Her parents knew a local bar band, and she sat in with them to play drums on a cover of the Black Crowes' "Hard to Handle."

"This is a smoky bar, women showing their boobs and stuff—it was not an environment for kids!" Marcloid says. "But I sat down with the drum kit and we played the songs, and they were just amazed. They were looking back at me while we were playing, like, 'Holy shit! This kid's actually keeping time!' I'll never forget walking off that stage, and all these drunk, smelly adults cheering me on, and a couple of people just gave me money. 'You're awesome, kid! Here's 20 dollars!'"

Marcloid soon taught herself to play guitar and bass too, and her musical interests expanded. As a child she had a formative late-night exposure to Morbid Angel's 1993 video for "Rapture" via MTV's Headbangers Ball, and soon she was also listening to jazz and electronica. She performed in several short-lived bands, and in the late 2000s she launched her own label, also called Rainbow Bridge. Through it Marcloid released cassettes and CDs by other musicians, as well as a blizzard of her own music under various names—including ambient acoustic music as the Human Excuse, punky dream pop with the trio Shadow Government, and electroacoustic noise as Water Bullet.

Marcloid came to Chicago in 2012 to move in with a girlfriend, who owned several cats and had just adopted Breakfast. Like most Siamese, Marcloid says, Breakfast "has always been a little strange." She was neurotic and disliked the other cats, and she never really warmed up to Marcloid's partner. In fact she only had one clear favorite. "She took to me immediately," Marcloid says, "and always wanted to be on me and just wanted to spend all her time with me." When Marcloid and her partner split up, there was no question who Breakfast would go with. The kitty ended up spending most of her life in Marcloid's bedroom to avoid other cats. "The rest of the house was just scary for her. There were too many other cat smells," Marcloid says.

"On the one hand, it may seem weird or maybe even borderline cruel to keep a cat in a single bedroom for their entire lives. But that's what she wanted; she was happy."

Marcloid has featured Breakfast in tracks throughout her oeuvre. "Spirit Spit" from the 2017 album Drip Mental (Hausu Mountain), for example, is a short wordless suite in which Marcloid imagines the usually shy Breakfast grown adventurous enough to go exploring in the house during a storm. The track opens with Breakfast engaging in some Siamese vocalizing and squawking, with thunder in the background. The rest of the narrative unfolds through auditory cues. "She comes down to the basement and turns on her ancient computer, which dials in to AOL," Marcloid explains. "Then she puts on a Telepath CD, which is a vaporwave artist that I absolutely love. You can hear the CD drive opening, you can hear the Telepath song start. And then she types some stuff and is meowing. And then she turns off the computer and goes back upstairs."

In 2018 Breakfast began to go into kidney failure. She was constantly peeing in Marcloid's room, and she wasn't eating. Eventually she was so uncomfortable and miserable Marcloid had to euthanize her. "And that was just so fucking traumatic for me, and so emotional," Marcloid says. "It really energized the search for truth and meaning that I had already begun years ago."

Marcloid began making Rainbow Bridge during Breakfast's illness. The title isn't just a callback to her record label (which she folded around five years ago) but also a reference to contemporary folk mythology about a rainbow bridge that, in Marcloid's words, "our pets either cross when they die to go to the other side, or they go there and they wait for us." The cover art, by Marcloid and Jeremy Coubrough, shows a Siamese cat sitting in a green field with her back to the viewer, looking at the prismatic steps of a bridge that leads upward into a kind of bloated growth of exploding colors.

The chaos of different hues fits the Fire-Toolz aesthetic. As Hausu Mountain cofounder Doug Kaplan puts it, "There's just nobody else that sounds like this, and there will never be another. Each track goes a billion different places but has a strong sense of oneness." Marcloid's other projects often follow particular rules or fit into particular genres; Mindspring Memories, for example, is mostly slowed-down and otherwise manipulated smooth-jazz samples. A recent album under the name Path to Lobster Believers is tape-collage improvisation. But with Fire-Toolz, Marcloid says, "Anything goes. It's a no-rules catchall; everything reports to it. It's the top of the pyramid."

The violent shifts in tone and genre on a Fire-Toolz track often feel exuberant and playful. On Rainbow Bridge, though, they create splatters of emotion: nostalgia, confusion, loss, hope. The opening track, "Gnosis .•o°Ozing," starts out as ranting death metal, with Marcloid screaming distorted, virtually indecipherable lyrics: "Arms wrapped in neon like a warning / A rainbow bridge unfurling / And now I lay listening to nothing / I feel my organs locking up."

By the second verse, she's superimposed smooth-jazz keyboard flourishes atop the noise, so that it sounds like the metal is battling easy listening, anger struggling with happier memories. "Layers in grief not unlike stages of passing / There are many / Not too many / Not so much."

The video for the song "Rainbow ∞ Bridge," created by Marcloid with Armpitrubber (aka Christine Janokowicz), provides an intense visual analogue for the music's smeared palette. This song too starts with a death-metal feel, pairing double kick drum with Marcloid's throat-tearing vocals. "Please don't be mad that I cut your cord / Fear lodged in my gums / Pressing into my face with fingerlike force / Breakfast!" she yells, as images of the kitty strobe and dissolve into colors, lights, emojis, a door opening, SpongeBob screaming. Tinkly new-age keyboard ambience plays over purple clouds and the on-screen words "Heaven! They say I can sit and soak you up." A guitar solo fit for a classic-rock ballad cuts through the shifting landscape, and then the song briefly fades into ambience as Breakfast romps across the screen and dissolves. It's a vision of a loved one disintegrating, perhaps into nothing, perhaps into memory or heaven, while pain and happiness alternate in spasms of glitches.

"Heaven has no location," Marcloid howls near the end of the track. That's a statement of spiritual hope; heaven is everywhere, Marcloid believes. "It's not any particular place. It's something that is all-encompassing," she says. "I think that it's everywhere and everything. It's the flow of life." You can hear that hope on tracks such as "⌈Mego⌉ ≜ Maitrī," which is all gentle surging keyboards and pattering electronica, encouraging you to gently drift into an ether of soft fur and purring.

A heaven without location can also simply be a heaven that doesn't exist, though, and that fear and doubt is also part of Rainbow Bridge. On the jittery "Microtubules," a throbbing beat loops around and around as Marcloid asks, "Were you afraid of crossing?" It's an unsettling question: of course she'd worry about a cat who never wanted to leave the bedroom going off on a long journey alone.

"When Breakfast was sick, anxiety was a huge, huge part of it," Marcloid says. "And even after she passed, and I knew that there was nothing to be done, there was still so much anxiety. I became frustrated because I wanted to know where she was, if she was anywhere. I just want the truth. I don't even care what it is, even if the truth is we're all just dead, and that when my body stops working, it's completely over."

Marcloid finished Rainbow Bridge months ago, and of course she didn't know it would be released at a time when anxiety, uncertainty, fear, and isolation would be so pervasive. In the context of a pandemic, the album seems even more relevant, not just because of its grief but also because of its prescient reminder of the importance of pets: during the stay-at-home order, animal adoptions have broken records as humans turn to cats and dogs to keep them company, and keep them sane, in isolation.

Marcloid adopted another cat herself after Breakfast died, and she now has three. "It's incredibly comforting to have them during a time like this," she says. "They're a solid rock for me to lean on. Especially lately, because they just don't fight with themselves. They're just such simpler creatures, and they're so much more connected to reality than any human could possibly be because of how complex our lives are. When they're in pain, they'll react—they won't like it, but they don't conceptualize and theorize about it. They don't get into this existential dread. They're just in pain, and they just want the pain to go away. That's all it is. It's that simple. We are just hopeless cases in comparison."

Marcloid's music, for all its genre shifts and chaotic oddness, can also reach for that kind of simplicity of thought and emotion. The six-minute instrumental "Angel (of Deth)" is elegiac, oceanic Muzak—a soundtrack to play while the waves roll in, or while watching a kitty sleep. At its conclusion the track breaks up into electronic blips and warbles, as though the world were coming apart and something else were wavering into existence behind the static.

"It's a mystery because we don't know," Marcloid says. "So I have to love and honor that mystery. I don't even know what God is, or if God exists, but whatever it is, that's what I love." Marcloid's tribute suggests that cats may know more about love than we do. They trust you even at the end, to help them die. Rainbow Bridge is not just a eulogy but an expression of hope that they'll lend you a paw in turn when your time comes. It's a comfort to think that when you start up those stairs, there will be a small someone to show you the way.

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skookworks · 4 years

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Gallery: Delta Green

Most of my RPG illustration work has been for Call of Cthulhu related projects. That’s the result of intention and good luck and accident.

The Intention part happened in the year 2000. I submitted some illustrations to the Delta Green website. Delta Green was a Call of Cthulhu RPG set in modern times – the late 199os. Most CoC games are set in the 1920s/1930s, the time the original stories were written and set. I discovered Delta Green in 1999 when I working at Half Price Books. I was the buyer when a customer sold us his collection of RPG manuals. In the buy was Delta Green and its sequel Delta Green: Countdown. I bought those books for myself. I loved the ideas behind the setting. It updated the Cthulhu Mythos for the late Twentieth Century in ways that surprised and delighted me. It created a means and a reason for investigators to, well, investigate the horrors from beyond.

I’d wanted to illustrate RPGs but didn’t have much of a portfolio of examples to show. I found the Delta Green site early the next year. I don’t think it had a way to send submissions and I don’t think they were asking for any. What it did have was a way to submit fan art and writing. So I worked up three illustrations (see the follow gallery) and submitted them. They got posted. No one from Delta Green contacted me.

Oh well.

Two years later those illustrations got me work at The Black Seal. But that’s another post.

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The original photoshop files of these illustrations are, possibly, residing on an old back up drive. It’s formated for Mac and I currently use a PC so I haven’t tried plugging it in. A lot of the work I did in the first ten years of this century was done on a Mac. The art always started as graphite and ink on paper and then had photoshop magic applied to it. I’ve got the original drawings in big metal flat files but the art that got published looks different.

Earlier this year I realized that I’d sent most of those illustrations to the editors and publishers via email and I’ve never deleted any personal emails. So I’ve tracked down a lot of that older art and will be showing it in future galleries. I found the two black and white illustrations in the above gallery in my emails.

The first three images, however, I couldn’t locate in my gmail archive. AOL has long since deleted all my old emals. At first they didn’t appear to be on the current Delta Green site but, after doing some obsessive google searching and some sort of back door poking around on DG I found them in an archive. Huzzah!

Story Seed #54 The Time Line AntiDefense League

There are a lot of stories that feature some sort of organization whose mission is to defend the “correct” timeline, to make sure that history works itself out the way that it is “supposed to”. Bleah. How about an organization whose mission is to create timelines where history works itself out in the best ways for the most people?

Recommendation

Beeple. This person’s art started showing up in my tumblr feed, shared by other folks I followed. It was weird and creepy so I subscribed to his feed. He posts an image a day, every day.

Also, the Growing Up / Overnight Kickstarter concludes on the 30th. If you’ve been putting off backing it. please jump in.

Local News

Last week, in one of our stand up meetings at USPS, we were reminded that we, the letter carriers were not supposed to talk to the press. That if a member of the press attempted to engage us in conversation we were to refer him/her to management. Also, while we were in uniform, we were not to engage in political discussions with anyone lest they assume that our views represented those of the USPS. We were also to be careful not to express politcal opinions on social media in such a way as to lead people to believe that our views represented those of the USPS.

Sigh.

To be clear, anything I write here about my job at USPS is just my experience and my opinion. I like to assume that those of you who read these newsletters recognize this but, on the off chance you don’t, I AM NOT A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE POST OFFICE. I’m just a guy who works there. In my opinion, the USPS can’t actually have an opinion since it’s an organization. Organizations are not people. The people in charge of organizations may claim that their opinion represents the opinion of the organization but that’s just a fiction.

Anyway.

The most interesting part about the day job right now is that I have a new T6. USPS delivers mail six days a week. Regular carriers work and deliver theri route five days a week. A T6 is the person who delivers the route on the regular carrier’s day off. My last T6 had medical issues that prevented them from delivering my route on a regular basis. My new T6 is healthy and detail oriented. More detail oriented than I am, actually. And that’s good. It means I’m updating labels in mailboxes and doing maintenance on my route that I’d let slide. I keep most of my customer changes in my head. Having another person who has to regularly work my route reminds me that I should communicate customer changes in clear, written methods. It’s only polite.

We’ve also moved our start time from 7 am to 7:30 am. I’m not a fan but I’m adjusting.

I’ve left my alarm at 4 am. I get up. Drink coffee Write. Do computer art or make products in either my Zazzle or my Redbubble stores. I’ve updated my various websites to include a “store” page with links to each. This week I spent most of my store time working on an Oz Squad collection for Zazzle. Oz Squad is Steve Ahlquist’s creature but, as a fan and sometime collaborator, I try to find ways to keep the brand active.

Oz Squad Land of Oz

by Skookworks

In the evenings, once we’ve finished dinner and our spot of television, I work on physical art. Right now I’m doing pirate sketches. More about that when the project can be talked about publically.

Thank you for dropping by. Remember that life has always been insane. Look out for yourself and your friends. That’s where sanity and security dwells.

See you next week!

Tuesday Night Party Club #34 Gallery: Delta Green Most of my RPG illustration work has been for Call of Cthulhu related projects.

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weekendwarriorblog · 4 years

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The 30 Minute Experiment: Friendship

Okay, let’s do this.

I haven’t fully worked out the exact protocols for how I’m going to do this other than the 30-minute time limit, the single topic, the fact that I’m just going to write and not spend time going through and editing, and when the 30 minutes is up, it gets posted, warts and all. I will say that I have thought of a couple topics to write about, and in general, I’m trying to have a topic maybe a day in advance. I’m also going to try to go back and forth between negative/positive because I’m not gonna follow something like “Fear” with something worse like “Death.” I hope people will read these without thinking I’m just looking for a soapbox to lecture on. (Maybe a toilet paper box?)

So, today’s topic is “Friendship” and this might be one of those “Hey, Ed, this is the dumbest topic you’ve picked because everyone knows the importance of friends and friendship. Everyone wants friends. Everyone hates losing them.” Yes, this is all true but friends and friendship is also something we take for granted just way too much, and believe me, I’m so conscious of checking in on friends, especially in times like these when we’re not seeing them in person. I’m not sure I know anyone who might ever consider me a “bad friend” and yet there are friends I’ve lost or stopped talking to and sometimes, it was on me, but just as many times it was their decision not to continue the friendship. And in some cases, these are very good friends.

I actually had a dream about one of them last night, which just makes it harder to write about this topic. I haven’t spoken to this person in over three years even though we’re regularly in the same place, sometimes even feet apart. Some may know who I’m referring to if you know me even though I haven’t spoken about it much. And to this day, I literally have no idea why this person stopped talking about me. I reached out to him/her (yes, I’m only giving you a 50/50 chance to guess) to ask if I did something to offend them so I could apologize, but I never got an answer. And that’s that. Anyway, I don’t really think about this person much but then every once in a while, I’ll have a dream like the one I had last night where the two of us are chatting as if nothing happened between us.

What’s weird is that I’ve had other friends and colleagues like this and I’ve started making a conscious effort to break the ice and end the silence. I did so at a holiday party last year where I saw one of the people who I had a minor argument with on social media and hadn’t spoken to in years. I just went up and said, “Hey, XXXX, can we just put this aside and be friends again?” or maybe I said, “Hey, XXX, we haven’t spoken in a while, so how are you doing?” and you’d be amazed how many people, however mad they might or how much they hate you, will answer you in a polite way. Now, granted, there was alcohol at this party and maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the courage to talk to this person without it and vice versa, but I like to think that there was something about this person I liked at one point enough to consider them friends that I could end the silence. So what is the point of today’s column other than the chance for you to vent and use me (the reader) as your free, personal therapist?

The point is that I learned very early from my father the importance of having friendship and friends. He wasn’t the most gregarious or charming person but he was able to make friends easily because people would talk to him and he would listen and he would care, and that’s something that’s truly hard to fake. I’ve learned many times in the past ten years how important it is to have good friends, people who will stand up for you and be there for you when you need someone. I learned it in 2013 when my landlord was threatening to kick me out of the apartment due to the clutter, and I learned it even more a few months later when I found myself with leukemia and no money and a few friends set up a fund (without me knowing it) and thousands of friends and people I had only met a few times donated money to help with the financial burden of being sick. And others helped me more recently when I was having money problems... and this includes people who i hadn’t really seen or spoken to or spent time with in many years! I try not to think about it too much, but the friends of mine that have stepped up and helped me (like when I had to get eye surgery and a procedure for the pain in my forehead from neuralgia), these people will have my gratitude and loyalty for life. And yes, that includes a handful of editors as well, who either were my friends before or who I feel indebted to for putting their trust in me. So yeah, it’s kinda obvious that “friends are important,” but don’t disregard or ignore someone who wants to be your friend, because you never know when you might be in a place (like the current situation) where you desperately need a friend to talk to... and someone who won’t judge you even if they don’t necessarily agree with you.

The thing about friendship is that you also have to go into one not expecting anything but also being open to the fact that maybe this friend will be someone that can offer something valuable to your life that you can’t get from yourself. I mean, at this point, maybe we’re talking about finding a spouse/partner and marriage, and as everyone knows, I am single and I’ve mostly been single, and I’ve come to terms with that. But what gets me through that is knowing that there are literally thousands of people who I can count on as friends in some regard or other... I mean, even if it’s just to answer my Email when I ask how they’re doing OR (Oh, my God, this happens so infrequently) they Email me out of the blue to ask how I’m doing.

You’d be amazed how nice it is to hear those words: “How are you doing?” Maybe the person asking those words doesn’t really want to hear a long-winded answer but it shows that they have some level of empathy towards you or others. I feel like the people who do this are the ones I consider real, true friends even if I barely know them. Let’s see what else I have to say about friendship since looking at my watch, I still have 12 minutes to go. I guess I can talk about my history of friendships and how the internet has helped contribute to my abundance of friends, and sure, how sometimes, things on the internet can be misunderstood and cause friction between friends. I know the latter just a little too well, but I don’t really want to get into any specific incidents as those are personal between me and the other person. I got my first computer with internet access in 1994 and the reason I got it was that I saw this thing called DC Online in an ad in the comics which was a forum/part of AOL. (Anyone remember them?) So I went online and actually, the very first person I met became a good and trusted friend for two decades. We had a bit of a falling out sometime recently, and this reminds me that I really need to Email him. I doubt he’ll be reading this, and frankly, I’ll be surprised if he’s read a single thing I’ve written in the last 25 years. He’s just not that kind of guy. But this person was a good friend who was there for me in times of personal strife, and frankly, it’s someone I miss seeing or talking to. (I could give more details but I worry that might be a real giveaway who it is.) The thing is that even with all these friends I have right now, there’s something about this other friend that I miss. Like most of my friends, he’s one of a kind and unlike anyone else I know, and that’s also kind of important. I’m not sure if my father was the one who said, “You can never have too many friends” or maybe it was something said in a movie, but i truly believe this to be the case, just as I believe that you can’t expect EVERYONE to be your friend and there are some people you will never get along with and never be friends so maybe it’s not worth the time to try too hard. But I always give people a chance to show me that they have more layers or depth than others give them credit for, and this is probably why I’m friends with a lot of people who are treated like pariahs by others. (No, I’m not talking about Donald Trump. I’m not friends with Donald Trump. If I was, I’d probably have a job... for a couple months... ha ha.) Hm... maybe I should try to keep this experiment politics-free, but I have a feeling that’s gonna be impossible as long as I’m doing it this year. Anyway, if you’re reading this, and even if we’ve never met in person, I consider you a friend for at least giving me the time it takes to read through this. I’ll admit that this experiment might lead to a lot of “front-loaded” columns where I have a lot of thoughts on a topic and then quickly and suddenly run out of things to say about it. Like right now for instance... which is good, cause my time’s up for the day! Back tomorrow!

#30MInuteExperiment #friendship

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