#they really hoped they’d be able to keep everything they so truely hoped they could win

[soath]

A fact I think many highhorsers (which, love a high horse, love generalizations, love dramatic hyperbole, love a bit of godkilling ambition, do not let me stop you) have underrated is that the gods are not weighing Kill Their Siblings vs Kill Their Children. The “deaths” on menu are wildly different! One is an oblivion, a total absence of being, true death as promised even for a god. Meanwhile the other is fear, yes, and unspeakable pain, but then transmogrification. There’s an afterlife on tap for one group but not the other. If I had to choose between throwing my siblings into the black hole of nothingness that has terrorized us since we first learned what terror was…. or shifting a bunch of our beautiful creations messily from one state of existence to another—

I think I’d make the same choice. It’s not about who’s worth more, it’s that they’re two incomparable types of destruction.

[atidge2far]

I got given a book from my psyche about exploring whether you can be friends with a lover yet, at all, and how to know you are making a right decision to try have a period of not forcing friendship.

Some of the things it says - are making me confront some realities and not making me feel the best:

“It sounds like you're going through an incredibly challenging time, and it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed by emotions after a breakup where you want reconciliation but the other person doesn’t.“

“Reflecting on Your Feelings: - Are you feeling sad because you miss your ex, or are you feeling regret about the relationship? “

▶️ the last few months have made me aware it’s because I miss them, that a huge part of my happiness involved them, and there’s not a day I don’t think about them, and grieve our closeness or being part of their life. And time and space hasn’t changed that significantly -making me at times struggle more.

“Consider Your Intentions: Think about why you want to be friends with your ex. Is it genuinely to maintain a connection, or is it a way to keep the door open for a potential reconciliation? “

▶️ I want to be friends with them because I want them in my life, I’d rather even just friends than nothing at all… but the way they are able to be friends at the moment isn’t a friendship I want. There is an imbalance of perhaps neither of us having wanting the type of friendship the other wants.

I want to be close, to be able to support them, to not feel guilty wanting to see them wanting their time or energy, I want to share things and I want to feel like they want to spend time with me. Like any of my other friendships

They need more patience and understanding, they need boundaries, they need time and space and friends lite, with compassion for their worst year of their life.

I have empathy and compassion, I do, but ultimately I’m too selfish and despite not thinking i was or not making it about it to, I have been hoping for things to change for them, for something to tick and maybe be given a chance to redeem myself, or them having enough space to feel differently or miss me enough to want more. It’s really hard to see I’ve put my needs and wants above theirs again. (Something that I had done a few times in relationship and ultimately probably one of the reasons they can’t fathom being with me again). It’s potentially unforgivable that I can’t support them as a friend properly - but I’m not sure there’s been any way for me to do that either.

It’s fucked.

“ Looking/responsing to Signs: if you find yourself waiting looking or waiting for a specific sign, overthinking everything - you should actively try shift your focus to observe how your feelings evolve over time, if your needs are changing... If you find that you’re consistently wanting to reconcile, that might be an indicator of what you truly want.”

▶️This one is hard for me, I’ve been told they still love me, they miss me everyday, they think of me everyday, a whole slew of things my universe can’t compile into understanding why I can’t be part of their life, even in a reduced capacity that acknowledges that they aren’t ready for a relationship but respects those mutual feelings or explores what could happen like dating or a something that doesn’t make me feel none of that matters or none of how I feel matters.

I also have forced conversations to try understand if things have changed or find out where they are at, which they have generously responded and shared they are really struggling not seeing anyone not wanting to etc - but then it beint suggested that they don’t want to talk about it again with me hurts coz if they truely wanted friendship they’d be okay talking about it because friends talk about relationships/matters of the heart where they are at. So do they not want to be good friends at all either (and I get friends with exs can’t start there but it’s also kinda hard to have them say things like “I don’t want to explore x relationship with you at this time” , “ right now I need to be alone” “ I haven’t closed to the door to it” … and then not have space to make sure if things change I can find out… which I know is selfish and I know it sounds like I’m waiting around unfairly but I actually am not wanting to put pressure on, just learn how to act appropriately and to save myself from making things worse)

But the hardest part is, I have now spent 10 months talking to psyches , friends, myself, my ex when we have had space or hard conversations coz I’m fucked… and I have wanted to reconcile for the lion share of that. I have wanted to learn from the past and do better, I have wanted to try redeem myself to them and me, I’ve truely wanted it.

And it doesn’t matter for shit. It may not ever.

Hearing them tell me I’m an amazing person with a big heart and I deserve things and I’m allowed to want things- but then yeah be where I’m at.

Is hard. And every time makes me believe it less and less. Or makes me feel punished or not trusted or something

So all in all, it’s a fucked situation

And my love -must be cursed and fucked because my loving someone is ruining any chance of being friends right now.

“I think we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it.”

— Susan Donovan, He Loves Lucy

[majimemegoro]

I uh kinda went wild on this here for some reason sorry, I didn’t know you could put this much in asks? Yakuza 1 has a pretty short plot and changing some of this stuff mostly just jumps plot forward and skips more menial tasks of trying to find info when these people can actually talk, so super drastic changes are more likely to happen down the line game wise really.

Y1 role swaps for Kiryu & Nishiki and Majima & Saejima I think are largely reliant on whether each side swaps yakuza backstories I feel, do we get a one eyed Mad Dragon of Dojima(Shimano?) who’s been to the hole, and vise versa maybe Shimano’s(Dojima’s?) Hannya who helped a certain real estate agent in the 80s? Did Nishiki do the hit and Saejima kill their boss (whomever) who grabbed Yasuko? And Majima takes the fall like Kiryu did so Saejima could try to help his sister?

Bc then I see most of the game starting out similarly (less aggressive Saejima family tho, doesn’t loose it as much as Nishiki bc he isn’t swayed that easily by people, but he’s still putting up an aggressive front in hopes it makes others leave his family alone while he tries to find his sister), maybe more helpful Kiryu in majima’s role, bc he’s always a sweetie under the surface no matter what he’s been through- even with a few screws loose and much more tired, Yasuko (Yumi/Mizuki) with Haruka existing probably (no romance with either of the boys here), if we swap Shimano and Kazama then I see Shimano playing a more assholish take on the parental Kazama role, if it’s still Kazama I can see things being very different bc he probably likes saejima better and sees majima as a more reckless and less competent (aka kiryu favoritism over Nishiki scenario) so likely he’s working with Saejima but unsure he can truely leave the clan to him bc he hasn’t revealed what happened to Yasuko and by this point the damage control might be too much of an issue to properly account for, Saejima figures Mizuki is just some third party lady that Kazama got to help with the plan bc connections. But Majima still has use in another avenues to keep people’s attention off Saejima’s parts in the plan and Shimano’s efforts to power grab, but before that conversation kicks in Kazama’s shot by probably a shimano or omi guy and then majima plays Kiryu’s part finding Haruka and trying to figure out what’s up with Saejima and where Yasuko went. Then Saejima spills the beans on his part of the plan (after a fight between the two in Serena bc of course they fight) and then stuff jumps to trying to find Kazama, delivered via Nishida playing Shinji’s parts, and that plays out similarly to original except saejima and majima both show up with Haruka to the dock and saejima gets pissed at not being told what had happened to his sister till now. (Yasuko also either is mostly unaware her brother’s looking for her, or thinks Saejima knows about her already and just hasn’t done anything about it, either way she’s not happy on how that was handled when brought into the loop bc things would have been different if they’d just told her he wasn’t trying to keep his distance and was actively looking for her) But since Shimano attacks and Kazama gets to die in their arms the two don’t really get to address any of that because Kazama just gave them bigger bombshells to deal with, Saejima’s the chairman nomination here. If shimano and Kazama are switched here then he’s unapologetic as fuck as he dies (probably not by actively protecting Haruka but just happened to be blocking her anyway, she’s an asset after all to his plans) and it’s majima for next chairman bc he was gonna manipulate him probably if he hadn’t died. Then on to the ending, jingu shoots saejima to get him out of the fight and he has to retreat with Yasuko and Haruka, much to his displeasure, and majima does the tower fights with jingu, everything’s fine until jingu comes back down during their reunion stuff and maybe mortally wounds Yasuko or maybe Saejima, but regardless he gets blown up and all three of them try to do something stupid with the bomb so it cancels each other out perhaps? And maybe they all get to live because no one lets the others sacrifice themselves bc they each wanted to do it. Neither bro wants the chairmanship regardless of nomination and dump it on Terada to dip and live as a family instead. Leaving more people alive at the end of the day (unless you really want to kill off saejima and Yasuko) and the rest of the games mostly set up the same but Haruka gets two uncles and her mom.

Date is probably there throughout the story but his role doesn’t change so I didn’t mention him, he’s just helping where he can and trying to get to the bottom of everything. Similarly Kiryu’s doing basically the same thing Majima originally did but was nicer to Haruka and didn’t even pretend he wanted to kidnap her in that situation and just says sometimes you can’t avoid orders and maybe does a half hearted fight for appearances, he’d tell Majima more of what’s going on with his boss but the knife thing still happens and he’s out for the rest of the game. Shangri la is unaffected bc nishida isn’t hiding from Saejima and can tell them where Kazama/Shimano is straight out (he was still a measure to keep an eye on Saejima but his role was mostly unneeded bc Saejima wasn’t trigger happy like Nishiki). Haruka gets nicked by the snake flower triad all the same bc the dude’s unaffected by the yakuza switches. The florist might come into play to find Haruka in that situation only basically. You basically get Saejima accompanying Majima through the plot post their bar brawl aside from a few times he has to slip away to take care of other yakuza business briefly so majima and Haruka gets to wander around and bond (and get kidnapped twice). Stardust gets its opening plot beats only really, as its unneeded after. Yasuko is much more active as Mizuki than Yumi was but I’m not sure what that actually means in terms of the plot. Nishida takes over for Saejima’s family post game here keeping them in line and preventing them from becoming the mess Nishiki’s becomes in the games, though there will be issues in the future for the family bc of certain members regardless. Reina is still running her bar and with a crush on Saejima or Majima? and friend to Yasuko. She gets to be supporting cast and doesn’t die bc there’s no reason for her to. Tho I guess you might be able to switch her and mirei park if you wanted as well in the long run. Or maybe not if you want to swap Kaoru and Mirei considering Majima/Kiryu swap, I guess it depends on the swaps. As a Nishiki/Majima swap would make Reina/Mirei swap work better.

I think I have an alt take too for if it’s based around majima being the one taking Nishiki’s place rather than Saejima, that one Majima does something similar to y4 and pretends longer in order to try and bait Saejima into killing him for the perceived betrayal of loosing track of Yasuko and everything, maybe even going as far as dying in the explosion bc his guilt, leaving Saejima and Haruka the only ones alive as Yasuko was shot by Jingu. Nishiki or Kiryu in Majima’s role wouldn’t change much plot wise but lead to different dynamics between Saejima and them especially going forward, Nishiki’s much less a punchy fight at every moment man and more shooty as the Mad Koi tho so he’d definitely be a different fight

I think too hard on these things.

anon, I mean this very, very seriously: please write a story

[lunarthing951]

To Appease All The People Who Want 'What If — Was In The Eggpire' AUs, I Present You This Tumblr Post.

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{ Dream }

• This Senario Would Take Place If The Egg Somehow Broke Him Out Of Pandora's Vault.

• In My Opinion, Dream Wouldn't Change At All, In Fact, He Wouldn't Do Anything. The Egg Would Simply Use His Knowledge Of People And Manipulation Tactics To It's Advantage.

• So With Dream, I Can't Exactly Say Anything Other Than He'd Basically Just Be Someone The Egg Keeps Gaurd Of (Like Skeppy) For It's Own Reasons.

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{ TechnoBlade }

• And Here, We Probably Have The Canonically Most Generally Powerful Person On The Server. 'The Blade'.

• Honestly, I Don't Know How The Egg Could Accomplish This, But If It Could Somehow Get Rid Of The Voices... Techno Probably Wouldn't Stand A Chance Now That He Doesn't Have The Chat To Muffle It.

• How It Keeps Him Under Control? It's... Complicated. It Might Seem Easy, Just Threaten Him With Bringing The Voices Back... But That Won't Work. That Tactic Would Just Make Him Realize How Much Power He Had Over The Voices And The Egg Currently As A Result.

• So... What If It Didn't Threaten Him At All? But Rather, Gave Him The Praise The Voices Wouldn't. Yes, It Would Still Ask For Blood... But It Would Do It Nicely. Yes, Techno Would Probably Give The Egg What It Wants... But Instead Of Demanding More Like The Voices Did, The Egg Would Tell Him He Did A Good Job Doing This For It And Thanking Him For It.

• And Yes, I Admit The Idea Is A Bit Far-Fetched... But If You Look At Everything, It Could Potentially Work!

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{ TommyInnIt }

• Much Like Techno, Tommy Is Someone Who Struggles To Get A Trusted Relationship Of Any Kind. And If He Does, He'll Still Be Very Suspicious. That Combined With The Fact That Almost Everyone Is Treating Him As If Their In A Higher Position Than He Is... Yeah...

• That's Why He Acts The Way He Does. He Wants Attention, He Wants To Be Noticed In A Good Way, He Wants To Make Friendships He Can Rely On... But Nobody Will Let Him, Because He's 'Just A Troublesome Child'.

• Tommy Would Probably Get The Same Treatment Techno Did, Just With A Lot More Compliments And Praise Just Sprinkled In There To Form A Sort-Of Bond With Him.

• This Would Be Tommy's Downfall, Because Dispite His Negative Relationships With The Eggpire In The Past... The Egg Is Being Nice. It Isn't Calling Him A Child, It Isn't Placing Itself Any Higher Than He Is, It's Trying To Be His Friend.

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{ Ph1LzA }

• And Here We Have The Famous Ph1LzA MineCraft, Who... Never Actually Had A Negative Interaction With The Egg Or The Eggpire To My Knowledge.

• Also, According To A YT Video I Found Talking About His Lore, Apparently He Once Called The Vines 'Warm And Cozy' Or Something Like That... Implying He Actually Likes The Blood Vines.

• The Egg And The Eggpire Could Definitely Use This To Their Advantage If They Tried To Recruit Phil At Some Point, Just Taking Advantage Of A Situation Where Phil Is Tired One Day And Getting Him To Rest On A Blood Vine.

• As For How He'd Change... I- I Don't Think He Would. He'd Just Be Using His Dadza Powers For The Egg To Take Advantage Of. Although... I Have A Feeling He'd Be A Lot More Quiet While In Conversation, No Real Reason For It, Just Him Ending Up As A Member That Let's Other's Do The Talking.

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{ Tubbo_ }

• This Is A Bit Of A Strange One, As I Don't Really Have An Idea Of How The Egg Could Get Him On It's Side. However, I'll Still Try My Best For The Sake Of This Tumblr Post.

• Tubbo Is A Character Who Can Easily Be Described As 'Envious' If You Get Your Information Right. No For Anyone In Particular, But Rather To The Safety He Never Had. Snowchester? The Nukes? Platonically Marrying Ranboo For Tax Benifits / Wealth? All Of It Was For A Feeling Of Safety. Safety He Envies For, Because He Never Truely Got It.

• This Is Something The Egg Could Take Advantage Of, Promising Him A Feeling Of Safety For Him All All Of Those He Cares About, Examples Being Tommy, Ranboo, And Michael Although There Is Probably More.

• Changes Wise, He'd Probably Lose At Least A Fifth Of His Usual Chaos Gremlin Energy He Has, Because Most Of It He Had Before Was Because He Wanted To Be Intimidating Or Funny Depending On The Person... But Now, Now He Doesn't Have To Do That Anymore.

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{ Quackity }

• Honestly... I Have No Ideas For Quackity. He Seems To Be The One Most Opposed To The Egg, Probably Even More Than Sam & Puffy. If You Have Any Ideas, Be Sure To Tell Me And I'll Ads It If I Can Agree With It Enough.

• So, For Now, This Will Be Left Blank To Be Edited Later.

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{ Eret } / { FoolishG }

• Eret / Foolish Is Another Strange Case I Don't Really Have Any Ideas For, But I Can Say One Thing... Whoever Doesn't Get Controlled Gets A Different Situation For Both Of Them.

• If Eret Is The One To Be Controlled, Foolish Will Be Inclined To Do Everything In His Power To Free His Friend From The Grasp The Egg Has On Him. Chances Are, He Will Fail... But Even If He Does Succeed, He'll Be Putting A Target On His Back.

• If It's Foolish Who Is Controlled, Eret Might Not Be Able To Do Anything But Watch/Listen. Watch As His Old Friend Who He Doesn't Even Remember Gets Taken Advantage Of And Listen As That Same Forgotten Friend Tries To Reunite Them But In A Seriously Messed Up Way.

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{ Niki Nihachu } / { Jack Manifold }

• Niki & Jack Is Another Duo I Have To Put Together In This List, Because It's Another Situation Just Like The One Above.

• If Niki Gets Controlled, Jack Will Have To Do Everything In His Power To Get Her Back Whilw Niki Does Everything In Her Power To Drag Jack With Her. The Same Happens If Jack Is The One Controlled And Niki Is Left Normal.

• Unlike Eret & Foolish Though, I Do Have An Idea As To How They'd Be Pulled In... Their's And The Egg's Shared Hatred Of Tommy. I Don't Believe I Have To Explain More.

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{ Ranboo }

• Ranboo Is Another Case I Have No Ideas For. He Has Had Barely Any Contact To The Egg That We Really Know And Even Those Interactions Were The Egg Being Mean. It Can't Just Apologize For That And Expect Him To Suddenly Be Under It's Control. That's Not How Ranboo Works.

• So Here, Another Blank Space.

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{ Fundy }

• Fundy Is A Character Very Much Like Tommy, But Very Different All The Same. While Tommy Wants Attention, Fundy Wants Affection. Both In The Parental Way As Shown With Wilbur, Eret, & Philza As Well As The Romantic Way As Shown With Dream. He Wants A Stable Relationship, But Nobody Is Willing To Give Him It... Because He's 'Just A Fluffy Troublemaker'.

• So, In This Senario, The Egg Might Not Have To Do Anything. Rather Than Trying To Parent Fundy Itself, It Could Have The Eggpire Care For Fundy Like Nobody Else Would. And Even While Fundy Hates The Vines With A Passion, This Mentality Would Probably Crumble To The Ground In A Boulder Of Tears With The Care The Eggpire Would Show.

• The Egg Would Give Fundy The Family He Never Had, And In Return, All Fundy Had To Do Was Show His Happy Little Smile To The World.

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Welp, That's All The Ideas I Have For Now. I Hope You Enjoyed Reading This!

^v^

[xautunno]

Munto - King and Queen - Pt. 3

Colloquies 

.

Yumemi watched from her perch as the sky blended into a set of distant yellows, pinks, and overwhelming indigo. The grass did little to cushion her from the rocky ground, but she didn't bother to move. Not when in the far distance floated an unseeable land filled with possible snakes. A land her husband currently ventured through.

The night would be a long one.

Her bed empty upon her return for sleep, she felt the loneliness like a physical blow. Heart like a dead weight, she slipped beneath silk sheets and settled against the soft pillow.

Yumemi woke to the cool breeze of the night on several occasions. The first had her heart racing and a cold, sheen of sweat coated her from head to toe. She woke a few hours later, legs tangled in the sheets and tears stinging her eyes.

She had no choice but to rise from the bed just before sunrise. Sleep hung over her like a dense fog, but if the maids noticed, they never mentioned it. They helped her dress for breakfast where she ate for the first time in a long time, utterly alone.

"Highness?" A voice stopped her down the hall, the sound of rushed footsteps following. "What are we to do?"

The Queen furrowed her brow and turned to face the man in front of her. He outmatched her by at least a foot and wore the fitting robes of a military advisor.

"To do?" She felt sick.

Had she missed something?

"Y-yes, ma'am. Should King Munto not return and the negotiations end poorly… what should we have in place?" Munto had been undoubtedly sure of his success and left without hesitation.

"I hope you do not doubt our king…" Words coated in ice, she narrowed her eyes on him.

"Of course not!" His declaration a bit loud, he cleared his throat and lowered his voice, "I am simply asking what would you have us prepare if war happened upon us by nightfall? A worst case scenario."

Yumemi thought of that herself. Her husband left no instruction but left everything in her hands.

"If my husband fails to return and the negotiations are called off by nightfall," the man audibly gulped at the venomous tone, "I would have every able body strengthening our defenses. I will not prepare for war until it is decided we are at war."

"Of course." He bowed to her prepared to depart, but she stopped him.

"If war is to come, I want every advisor to meet with me in the council room. We will discuss then our next steps." Yumemi's jaw uncharacteristically locked at she spit out the next few words, "we will avenge our fallen king and protect our homelands no matter the cost."

Standing a bit straighter, he curtly bowed and turned on his heel to leave.

In her many years here at the Magical Kingdom, there were those who still viewed her as Yumemi-hime. Their princess. Their savior. They were not wrong to so, however, her innocent nature shed by the time she finished college and made this kingdom her permanent home.

Yumemi spent most of her early adult life mingling with the courts Munto grew up in. She practiced her manners, learning delicate etiquette, and diplomacy. She could smile prettily at the lords and ladies, keeping her fangs hidden while her claws did most of the talking.

No one doubted her ability to be brutally honest and sincere since she turned twenty and single-handedly refuted three marriage proposals by publically shaming their indecency and ill-manners at a formal event rather than simply saying no. She made it clear that such rudeness under the king's invitation was undignified for their position especially when she hid nothing about her true relationship with the king.

She took to a no-nonsense attitude and would shut down any ill-thought or gossip she deemed inappropriate. It had been thought of as a horrible decision on her part since no one would share information with her. Gossip could hurt, especially gossip about her private life with the king.

Yumemi solved the issue when she first made regular trips to visit Munto during high school. The time it took for the servants of the palace to undoubtedly love and trust her was astonishing. They'd hear fleeting words here and there, lords and ladies letting things slip when they didn't notice the help around. Those same words finding their way to Yumemi during breakfast or when she strolled in the gardens. Occasionally, and only if urgent, they would interrupt her studies.

In return, they never doubted Yumemi's ability to handle a situation without Munto's aid. Should a guest be making inappropriate advances, their future Queen then would have no issue stopping her work to track down the offender and corner him into apologizing. Most likely in a public space where multiple witnesses were. If Munto didn't see it, he'd hear about it by the time she returned.

Not that he would dare interfere. Yumemi never gave a reason for him to doubt her loyalty to either his nation or himself. Her loyalty prevailed over the course of almost a decade without caution.

She defended not only himself personally, but advisors, staff, and in general, his people, should she find them deserving of it. She didn't care what others gossiped about or their opinion on her, to the point she disregarded her own safety to get her point across. About the only thing that ever really upset him.

Yumemi continued on her way to the gardens. Despite the tremendous weight on both her shoulders and heart, her back remained straight, hands closed together in front of her and chin held high. She kept her strides even and graceful, letting the soles of her feel skim across the cool floors like a dancer.

The crown, a heavy burden, gave her headaches the first month she wore it. Every few hours, a powerful and compelling urge to toss it aside plagued her. But then, she'd catch a glimpse of Munto in his formal robes, the crown framing a stern face while he walked with Rui. She couldn't toss it aside. Even if it would make her days easier to bear, even if she felt she could perform her duties appropriately without it, she never removed it. Merely, she endured.

Those same thoughts and feelings plagued her now. She wanted to toss it in the nearest garbage can she could find and let her hair out of the terribly tight braid. It had been fine this morning, but now it felt as if though a child climbed on her back to play with the golden strands and leave her scalp bruised.

Away from prying eyes, Yumemi plopped herself down on the nearest stone bench and tugged the band from her hair. She removed the diadem so she could brush her hair out.

The sun high in the sky, she relaxed under its warm rays. She could almost doze off.

She knew he wasn't there. His stomach didn't press against her back while he bent over to cup her cheek and gaze lovingly at her. Callose hands didn't smooth the wrinkles of worry from her forehead.

He didn't whisper, "my Queen has endured quite the hardship."

He didn't kiss her forehead, keeping her close while he murmured sweet nothings. Didn't wipe the stay tear from her cheek at the thought of him.

Yumemi couldn't bear to sleep alone. She had never been truely alone before. Family and friends surrounded her since she breathed the air of this world deep into her lungs with a cry.

Her bed had been occupied by one other for years now and during meals, she always had the same, redheaded, charming, and sweet companion who never failed to bring a smile to her face or a burst of joy from her heart at the sight of him. Never had he failed to please her or make her feel loved since the first moment they kissed. He slid that ring onto her finger, promising her forever, but he felt so far that the ring only served as a heavy reminder.

Swallowing her tears, Yumemi peeked open her eyes, partially surprised to find herself alone.

"Your highness." She closed her eyes, sighing at the call.

"Yes?" She made no effort to move. Not yet.

"The council wishes to speak with you. To prepare appropriately."

And like that, her sorrow vanished. Her heart hardened as she stood, brushing her hair back with a flick of her wrist and returned her crown to its rightful place.

With the regal appearance of Catherine the Great, she stalked down the hallway with the grace befitting royalty and with the eyes of a wild feline. Like Borte Ujin, when she entered the room, advisors stood in respect knowing the king valued her opinion above all others and entrusted the kingdom to her care.

Her hands held no callous of war but beneath her fair skin lied unimaginable power that many still feared. And the girl of destiny knew it. No restraint beyond moral reasoning kept her in check of those powers.

Reaching her chair at the head of the table, the seat her husband frequented recently the past few months, she twirled on the ball of her foot to address the room. She didn't speak as her eyes did most of the talking. Evaluating each and every member present.

Then, she seated herself and gestured for them to do the same.

"Tell me, what defenses can we have in place in the shortest amount of time?"

[charmergirl2468]

The Dairy of Charm Jekyll

September 10th, 1849

Classes have started here at the local magicks university. The students have seemed to taken a liking to me, being rather open to a female teacher. I’m honestly flattered by the lack of opposition from the students. If only the facility were as open minded as them.

You’d think with a society made up of creatures such as Vampires, Werewolves, Magic-Users, and everything would be less rigid with gender roles. But I suppose even the likes of the supernatural will cling to anything that would make them feel human. If only bigotry wasn’t something stabled with it. The sad fact that I was hired out of desperation rather than genuine skill is rather telling of how violent human bigotry can be.

On another note, I’ve discovered something in the basement. It’s a strange book, written in a language that reads so much older than even Latin! I suppose father had found it when he was off researching. I could only read one passage from it, but even then barely so. It almost sounded like a spell or an enchantment, but there hasn’t been any effect on me or the house. I can’t imagine that simply reading a passage would cause any sort of effect. But I’ll be on the look out for any strange happenings.

Sincerely,

Charm Jekyll

September 17th 1849

It’s been a week since I’ve read that book, and I haven’t noticed anything about myself being different. Classes have run smoothly, no strange events either good or bad have occurred, nothing. I’m almost certain now nothing came of it.

The only other thing to note of is a strange wild animal attack. It seemed some people were attacked and eaten by a canine creature on the 13th. No one is really commenting on it except for the fact the victims were eaten rather brutally. I’ve eximined them myself, being the only forensic examiner in the area. There were canine teeth marks but…

This is going to sound insane, but there were human teeth in the mix. I’m suspecting that a human started the job and then let their dog finish them. Of course bringing this up to the police would only drive the poor fools into a stupor. They’d be falling all over themselves to quickly pin the blame onto any old codger that looks at them funny.

I’d love to look into this incident myself, but I have to attend to class work and other grueling tasks as a professor in the Magicks Department. It’s not like I could leave my students without a proper education. I’ll just have to hope there isn’t a second strike of this madman.

Sincerely,

Charm Jekyll

October 5th 1849

There’s been another attack in town. This time it was four bodies. Compared to the last three, Theres no connection other than these poor souls where our at night. I can’t imagine how the killer was able to capture them for their… disgusting consumption. It would take at last an hour each victim to consume the amount of flesh missing from the bodies, and they were discovered in the early morning. It’s concerning to say the least.

But that’s the least of my worries right now. It appears the book did do something. What she is I’m not sure. A voice started to appear in my head, feminine but wicked. She tells me her name is Bliss… Bliss Hyde. I haven’t tried communicating with her yet, for fear of what she might do. But she seems to only be a voice. No ability to interact with the world outside my body.

I’ll talk to her tonight and see what she has to say.

Sincerely,

Charm Jekyll

October 6th 1849

I can’t believe it. Dr. Lanyon is… gone. He became the victim of the Midnight Feaster, as the locals have named them. We may not have spoken in years, Lanyon and I, but he was the only one to truely support my academic endeavors. To think the man who was the cornerstone of my career as a Professor is truely heartbreaking.

Bliss, meanwhile, could only scoff at my woes. It seems she doesn’t care for my sorrow and could only laugh. She keeps saying she’s hungry, but I have no idea what she’s on about. She couldn’t be the Midnight Feaster; I’m in bed before 9 and she can’t take over my body.

The funeral for Lanyon will be in a fortnight. I’ll of course be in attendance

Sincerely,

Charm Jekyll

October 13th, 1849

Lanyon’s funeral was today. I couldn’t stop the tears as I saw him buried. My lawyer, Utterson, was there to help me. He had read Lanyon’s will for all who was addressed to.

Though, he said something strange. He said I had spoken to him prior to Lanyon’s death to change my will. That’s absurd! I haven’t seen him since those parents who wanted to sue me! But he assures that I met with him and that I had wanted to make some alarming changes. Apparently, I had seen him to bequeath my money and estate to “Bliss Hyde”.

It’s growing more possible for Bliss to be the Midnight Feaster. But that would mean… Lanyon’s blood is on my teeth. I have to confront her about this

Sincerely,

Charm Jekyll

October 14th, 1849

The truth comes out. Bliss is the one who did it. She’s the Midnight Feaster, Lanyon’s murderer, and… the murderer of my students. Just last night she devoured three of my students. All to prove… even if people don’t care about me, she can still hurt me. But I can’t let that demon hurt anyone else!

That’s why this will be my last entry. If there’s anyone reading this, please know that I loved my life before all this. Even with the struggles against the bigotry against women, I at least got to be a professor for two months. My only regret is summoning Bliss into this world.

Sincerely,

Charm Jekyll

Oh, you just have to love a good old history lesson! Honestly, the nerve of Jekyll! She thought she could be rid of me, the very demon she summoned…

Oh don’t look at me like that! She was the idiot who read a spell without thinking! She should’ve been more careful…

Oh, you’re probably thinking that because Halloween is over, you’ll be able to take your body back? Like it’s that simple! You’re the one locked up now! And unless someone could magically come in and free you, your little friends are stuck with me…

Hope they don’t mind if I stay~

[peaceificarchived]

@seesgood continued from here

She took the few seconds of distraction — her head resting against him, eyes angled down — to check him over for injuries. There were a few scrapes and bruises. Nothing serious enough that they’d made him stay overnight at the hospital, and nothing that would warrant a cast — but it was still jarring. She’d spent so long without him that the thought of losing him, and almost losing him this easily, it made the control freak part of her brain far more on edge than it usually was.

But if there was one thing that had always been abundantly clear in their relationship, it was that there was no way she could ever hope to control Noah Ribeiro. At his coaxing, she felt her lips curve up into a small smile, eyes softening as she looked back up at him.

“You? Handsome?” She rolled her eyes half-heartedly, letting her hands travel up his chest and loop around his shoulders. “Did you hit your head too?”

It was such a relief, hearing her joke like that - Caroline was clearly still distraught, but at least she felt able to insult him again, and that was always a good sign. A quiet chuckle, stepping closer, right into her embrace, with his own hands resting against her waist. 

If there was one thing Noah truely appreciated about their relationship? (No, but really, there was too many things to count, and this was merely one of many) It was the way they teased each other, and how Caroline was never afraid to test his ego. Honestly, it was needed - one day she would be the one to keep it from simply becoming too big. 

“I might have, yeah”, nosing a little into her neck once more. “You’re awfully in love with me, though, so I think I’m gonna get away with it.”

The ever co/cky boy, never afraid to act like he owned the world. In reality? Caroline was the one who owned him, his heart, his mind, and everything inbetween.

[raes-dirty-laundry]

Stress

I didn’t realize exactly the depth of pure shit I was in until I wrote, be it a very summarized version, of it all down. That version was sent off never to be seen again but this version I’m about to write all down for you here is the extended directors cut. From my brain to this social media platform to you, in all its angsty glory;

1. Constant worry about the wellbeing of my ex girlfriend, that I haven’t seen in three weeks. And when I say constant I mean not a moment goes by where she’s not on my mind. I’m ether formulating the next text I’m going to send her, the next conversation I’m going to have with her (the next time she decides to fucking bless me with her presence), the next accusation, confrontation, confession, concession, profession of everything I’ve been holding in; or I’m bombarded with the mental image of her lying dead on the carpet, all the years and decades passing by where we’re in love and nothing could keep us down as long as we got eachother, successful or poor, fat or thin, living or dying or somewhere in between. that life, that track, that winding road I could have kept her going on if I wasn’t selfish, didn’t take myself away from her for my own good. What’s my own good any good for if she’s gone anyway? And sometimes when I think of her all I feel is relief that it’s over, and guilt that its really, really not. Sometimes all I think is how much I miss her, not that I miss us or what we had together but believe it or not she was good company and an even better friend. Sometimes when I think of her I’m furious and sometimes I’m sad, but mostly I just want closure. A closure I don’t deserve and I’ll probably never get anyway.

2. Me passing this semester, this whole year is solely dependent on a paper I mean to write but never have the time or the motivation or the ability to create. It was due a week from torrow and I’ve promised my professor it’d be on his desk tomorrow morning, but I think we both knew that’s not going to happen. I’m going to fail his class and fail this year and there’ll be no one to blame but my own shitty inability to make good on my word. My word is all I fucking have and I can’t even keep that straight. I’m unwilling to hand in a crap paper and I’m unwilling to do what it takes to completely it and I’m unwilling to show up to his class empty handed, so what the fuck am I supposed to do now? All my options are exhausted, I’m exhausted, and I’ve not even begun to suffer for it.

3. Speaking of classes, I’m on the verge of failing two of them and only with a month left in school there is absolutely no time and little I can do to make it up. Not only will this hinder my ability to pursue further education but it will also without a doubt put strain on my home life as well, when the truth comes out either by admission or that cold hard evidence when the grade report comes in. Let it be known that at least I’ll take the responsibility for my own damn action and conscious choices that led me to fuck everything up. Let it be known that my free will is strong, and as much as it blesses me it is also my greatest burden, but I’m learning to live with it as I am will all things.

4. I’ve been severely deprived of possitive social interactions, friendships and what have you, for god knows how long: since I fell out with my childhood best friend, Jacob, surely. Because of this for the longest time I had aloud shit people into my life because I was desperate, and just up until recently I have come to terms with my inherent isolation and found peace with the one solid and good friendship I have, I found peace with putting my all into being happy with myself and not needing others to define my value. Since that epiphanic moment for some god forsaken reason everyone from here to whoville has been coming out of the woodwork to be my ‘friend’. By friend I mean they want to use me as an emotional dumpster, and somehow I’m the one left feeling guilt deep in my soul for just not giving a rats ass about thier shorty problems and thier shitty lives that I can’t do anything about and if I tried they’d be pissed and if I have advice they wouldn’t take it and if I just listened they’d tell me they don’t feel valued and I act like I don’t care and they’d spit in my face. So forgive me if this irony is fucking shocking when I say, the moment I stop lusting for friendship and start actually examining the quality of those I let influence me, a cascade of shit people become vying for my attention, right when I gain the ability so see through said shit too. Where were these people when I was desperate and would have bent over backwards for their every whim? Where were they when I was honest to god lonely and just needed one friend, one person to talk to no matter how shitty or using or manipulative? Now that I’m free of my blissful ignorance, free from letting scum walk all over me just because they give me the time of day, now they all see my value? It’s not fair and entirely too patronizing, even for god this is gone too far.

5. I’m almost certain that the only constant, stable good thing I’ve got left in my life is getting closer and closer to his end and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever has to deal with in my entire goddamn life. After he’s gone I’m afraid of what will become of me. I’m sure that everything good about my soul that was ever worth anything of value will leave with him. I’m almost relieved that the squishy, vulnerable, loving bits left still inside me will be burried with his soft little body in the dirt where it will all go back to creation, hopefully where it can be used and remade and turned into the thread that twines around true loves hearts. Meanwhile I’ll be left here to live on my life, cold and careless and unseeing, where I will finally be able to throw myself into the Work. all that I see now, all the suffering thag hurts to ignore, all the love and the heartache and everything that makes me who I am will be deep in the dirt where it belongs and I’ll be blessedly empty and there’ll nothing left to hurt any longer. Or at least that’s what I hope.

6. The responsibilities I’ve been turning a blind eye too for far too long are finally nipping at my heels and I can barely contain them inside my any longer. I’ve got a responsibility to myself to take care of myself far better than I have been. I owe it too the one friend I truly have to try and take better care of her and our friendship. I have a responsibility to make sure my boy he’s happy and safe and well cared for, but I can’t bring myself to take him in and find out how long we’ve really got, it would break what little of me that’s stable that I have left and I just can’t to that to him, I’ve got to be strong enough to be there when the time comes but it’s selfish to keep myself in this dark, it’s wrong of me to do this too him but I just don’t know what to do. What I can do, if there’s anything, and I’m too scared to go find out. I’ve got a responsibility to myself to actually be responsible with my life for once, do what I must do to progress on my path but I just can’t find it in myself to break out of the routine and do something with myself. Ive got the will, but I just can’t seem to find my way.

7. The nightmares, if they can even be called that, have been plaguing me for a week or so and it’s probably the worst possible development nueralogically that could have happened to me as of late. My dreams, for years, have been the only peace I find in my horrible useless life. The only place in my mind that I don’t have conscience control of, hence it is salvation for a person like me. A whimsical everchanging world that has always brought me joy has now been ruined. Every night it begins like how it used to be, funky little nonsensical dreams where I’m free to just enjoy for a moment a life where I am simply lead, no choices to make and no prices to pay. Hours of harmless everlasting fun safe tucked away in my mind where no one can rain or take away. I’ve always had a vivid imagination, so it’s always been sometime bright and new and exciting. But now? It’s dull. Not scary, not terrifying, not traumatic or chaotic, just my life through a lens. It’s like stepping into a version of my own life where I make irriversable mistakes, where every bad trait is put under the microscope and examined in depth, or it’s replaying every mistake I’ve ever made before, over and over until I can’t tell what’s real life and what’s inside, or worst of all, I’ll wake up and not remember a damn thing; a completely dreamless night. I never knew one of the last good things in my life that were truely mine could so easily slip through my grasp, and now my peace is gone and I’m scared every night that the next time I fall asleep will be even later than the last until I’m so fed up with my dreams not being the salvation that it used to be, that sleep while once was the hope on the horizon getting me through the day will now be so useless and horrible that I’ll give up on sleeping all together and just be an empty sleepless lifeless zombie. I’m scared that I’ll never get my dreams back. I’m scared that one day I might even learn to be content with the dull dreams that leave me racked with despair every time I open my eyes and just have my own sad twisted life thrown back at me.

That pretty much sums it all up. Those are the factors in which are making it extremely difficult to life my life at the moment. These are the reasons I’ve moved beyond stress and anxiety to a simmering ball of hazy rage doused dread. I know one day it’ll all be irrelevant or I’ll just be used to it, but I almost prefer feeling too much all the time, as apposed to not being able to feel anything at all, but I’m sure my stance on that there will change with time and I become more and more numb to the world around me, duller and duller until I am blind to the machinations of my own demise.