#they opened up so much possibilities for post-canon shipping impulses and headcanons

[teafiend]

[sullustangin]

Not a disaster spy.

Note:  I speak in lawful/neutral/chaotic alignments as seen in D&D.  I’m not getting into good, evil, or neutral, nor “Dark Side” or “Light Side” activities. 

There were more than a few reasons why I commissioned a piece of art that depicted some pretty gnarly scars on Theron Shan (and on my smug, Eva, but you don’t care as much about her, let’s be real). It’s part of a story I’m telling.  It’s part of my headcanon.  Also, it’s my own sort of protest against the habit of writing Theron off as a hot but inept spy.  He’s an impulsive fool despite being intelligent, which is why he ends up in bizarre situations. He always gets hurt because of this (but he’s always magically healed up in time for any smut). 

To be clear: Theron totally has issues due to his early life and an inability to play well with others; you can label him with attachment issues, intimacy issues, whatever keeps him a bit of a lonely character (which he admits).  Personal life -- disaster.  That’s canon, explicit and implicit.

What I object to are his skills and abilities being discounted because of that.  His professional life is far from being a disaster.  Director SIS Marcus Trant brands him as one of the best field agents, and long term, he ends up being operations manager for a covert base for an upstart independent government.

Reasons:

In the book Annihilation, Theron runs around in his boots and briefs trying to destroy the Ascendant Spear.   Hot, funny, and strangely effective.

But why?

Because Jace Malcom and Marcus Trant were ok with sacrificing a few planets of people “for the greater good.”  They let Ruan be attacked.  They planned on letting Duro be attacked, because they wanted the Pub fleet to focus on the Ascendant Spear, the Empire superweapon.  They watched a planet get wrecked and planned on doing it again.  It’s war.  It’s a lawful action, for the greater good.  It complies with society’s expectations -- the Republic leadership’s expectations -- in a time of war. Lawful neutral, probably.  Maybe lawful good if you squint and do the math about the Spear’s potential fatality rate, galaxy wide.

But Theron isn’t a lawful character -- he doesn’t just do stuff because society says it’s ok.  That’s why he goes off and does impulsive stuff because sometimes, society is wrong.  Theron is a neutral, leaning chaotic character -- he mostly follows the law, but also relies on his own intuition and gut feeling about what is right. Neutral characters balance what society says is right and what a person internally thinks is right.   Chaotic characters -- like my oc smuggler -- don’t rely on society’s views at all; it’s all about her gut and moral compass.  Theron at least considers lawfulness and order in his response, which is why he is (mostly) not a chaotic character.  He has his moments, though - no character is pure.  In contrast, Lana is a Lawful character in the context of the Sith Empire.  She does things that her society approves of.  She does like to think of herself as ‘her own woman’, but her behavior patterns are heavily informed by the Sith upbringing and training - she is Lawful but leaning Neutral on occasion due to her own sense of pragmatism.  She does not go by her gut alone. 

(Please remember I’m not addressing good/evil, Light/Dark side in this post.)

That’s why Theron ends up dehydrated with cramped leg and half naked.  He didn’t want people to die "for the greater good” when he personally could stop it.  So he and Gnost Dural fool Darth Karrid into participating at Duro, which means the Republic Fleet has to defend the planet, since its target is the Ascendant Spear.  The only way that happens is that Gnost-Dural is tortured, and Theron has to manually slice into the nearly uninhabitable bowels of the ship.  Hence the whole strip tease by the end of the incident.  

Consequences: 

In the example above, it’s mostly situational embarrassment for Theron, and the Jedi gets tortured. 

In an earlier part of the book, Theron is beaten up to keep his cover and acquire important information (and loses a few teeth in the process) and leaps off a building and probably fractures a few things -- he dislocated a shoulder too.  Still didn’t blow cover, and he is able get off Ziost with Gnost Dural. 

Every SWTOR player knows about Rishi -- it’s easy to argue that Theron doesn’t give up Lana because that could burn his Republic ally.  But if  you’re playing Imp side, what’s stopping him?  Flirting is nothing to this point.  Why not burn all the Imps down?  He could save his own skin, infiltrate the Revanites that way and save the Republic Fleet -- to hell with Darth Marr.

Because it’s not just “ooo rah Republic” informing his choices -it’s not Republic society saying it’s ok and lawful that makes him sit there.  It’s his own moral compass that says it’s wrong to burn Jakarro and the operative, even if Lana did give him up.  So he holds out under torture, even as Revan tries to make his descendant his ally. 

Theron had been in SIS for about 12-13 years by the time we get to Rishi.  We know he’s fallen from high heights and survived worse falls than leaping between buildings on Nar Shaddaa -- survived, not gotten out unscathed. He was a swoop racer for awhile -- that’s a risky hobby.  As an agent, It’s reasonable to assume he’s been shot at with blasters and possibly slugthrowers (if he came across a Mando), stabbed with traditional blades or vibro-blades, got burned if he was in an industrial area or a hot engine room or a chemical lab -- the list goes on.  After Yavin, we know that the one agent possibly more chaotic than he is, Jonas Balkar, ends up giving him a few broken ribs in the name of busting up an implants ring. 

So Theron does have very real consequences for his decisions, in all likelihood.  That’s what I wanted to reflect in the recent commission; although it happens shortly before the torture session on Rishi, it shows the viewer that this is a path he’s been on before, and not by accident. 

Cutting here because boy, did I have a lot to say about what happens AFTER SoR in terms of alignment/characterization.

The KotFE and Beyond: Consistency Issues

Theron registers his approval and disapproval on certain decisions in later xpacs, and he often takes the more benevolent “light side” end of things -- whether that’s based upon his societal expectations or personal moral compass is not as clear.  But he still does disagree with the Commander (one of the more obvious examples being  storming out of the room if there are too many Pub casualties on Corellia when the player is Imp side).  While it remains a touchy topic, the Traitor Arc does reflect his neutral-chaotic tendencies. He goes with his internal moral compass.

Electrocuting the Commander on Iokath was part of Theron gaining the Order of Zildrog’s trust. Theron’s smart enough and probably familiar enough with the Commander’s bio data to know how to make it happen and look bad enough without serious ill-effects. This is part of what he does as a spy, and there’s likely a guide on double agent sabotage somewhere in SIS -- how to look like you’re doing bad stuff without actually doing as bad stuff as requested.  This is also part of what he personally believes to be a better path -- certainly not by Alliance “what to do when bad things happen” book, which was to tell his Commander.   

Does Theron fail at Nathema?  Yes; there is a major loss of war materiel (the Gravestone and the Eternal Fleet).  But what would he have considered more important?  The loss of the fleet or the loss of the Commander and others if the Fleet was unleashed?  The loss of life or the loss of stuff? That’s where Theron’s neutral-chaotic alignment comes in. 

It also does matter how the player views the entire situation -- Theron’s boss also has a say in ‘success,’ which is why Trant matters in judging Theron’s previous actions. At the end of KotET, some people had been miserable that they HAD to either be a ruler or a peacekeeper instead of just getting on their ship and riding off into the sunset for more class-specific adventures. By the end of Nathema, some people were mad about losing the weapons and the power.  Some people were relieved that they weren’t so OP anymore; the writers had written story/character development into a corner, and ending the whole Throne/Fleet thing had to happen. (It’s still not fully out of a corner, in my personal opinion.)  

Theron doesn’t get out of the Traitor Arc completely clean, no matter how many stans we write about it -- the writing is what it is.  He assuredly gains a new scar.  But it is player choice as to the severity of the failure -- and the consequences: Theron can end up married, still in love with the Commander, dumped by the Commander but in the Alliance, exiled, or dead. Those were the consequences for what he believed was the right thing to do -- this was probably his biggest leap into the chaotic alignment in terms of decision making, and this was the most dramatic spectrum of consequences.

As a side bar, the latter xpacs suffer from writing issues; there’s a lack of nuance compared to the vanilla stories and even Hutts and SOR.  Although the writers did promise that characters would leave if there were enough negative actions, only Koth actually left because of something we did; Lana never leaves, and Theron leaves regardless of prior actions -- because he’s doing the  double agent thing. (I thought the opening speech on Umbara was ill-fit for most classes, frankly -- the writing got better as we got closer to Nathema, but there are plotholes that make me fume.)  Lana and Theron never leave because the player makes too many LS or DS decisions. I honestly wish that was a consequence, because not having a consequence for decisions hallows out both characters and makes them lackeys rather than the stronger, distinct characters they were prior to Popsicle Time. Lana never leaves no matter what. Theron ultimately remains gone by player decision, not by his own.  Koth was at least granted that autonomy, for which I respect the writing for Koth. 

Theron Shan is a good spy that accepts consequences.

Theron is good at his job -- the best at his job, around the time of SoR. Because of how Theron approaches the world, he takes risks so others don’t -- so others don’t get tortured, so other planets don’t get blown up.  It doesn’t mean that he’s some inept idiot that fumbles his way toward mission success. He  knowingly suffers for his choices that are a combination of by-the-book training and his instincts. He doesn’t complain about it, even when the player points it out on Rishi.  It is the job.  Spies do really, really strange stuff to keep their covers. He also doesn’t complain as he’s limping around after Nathema, nor does he object if he’s exiled or dumped.  He knows what he did.  He can live with it (if the player lets him). 

Spies that remain alive and get back to their home nations without giving anything important up to the enemy are successful spies.  We see this in pre-SWTOR media.  Rishi is a success for Theron -- although he is exposed, he remains alive and uncooperative.  The temporary Alliance between Marr and Satele gain massive amounts of intel, including Revan’s base on Yavin.  Later, Theron is able to keep the Odessen base functional and secret.  We even get to do some infiltration work on Zakuul -- the Alliance’s spies don’t give anything up while surviving and making it home with gains.  He succeeds overall at Odessen.  He fails at Nathema, though that failure is mostly interpreted by the player in terms of severity. 

Few spies are perfect and survive to become old men.  Even if Theron is killed at the end of Nathema, he did make it further than many; if we consider that Theron was about 37 or 38 at Nathema and he started SIS at 16, that’s upwards of 20 years in the field.  That’s a long lifespan for an active field agent, even in real world estimates. 

For those of us who let Theron live, then he still has potential for more spy escapades, though probably with some serious oversight.  We can leave that to headcanons, since Lana and Theron have taken a step back in prominence since Onslaught.  Theron will never be orderly like Lana; if you favor lawful characters, you will rarely see eye to eye with Theron.  He is not a by the book spy, and even Trant complains about that.  At the same time, the instinct, the skills, and personal conscience is there, which is why Theron is successful all the way up to Nathema -- and depending on the player, arguably still is. 

Personal life -- sure, a disaster. No doubt. But as a spy?  I don’t think disaster is an accurate assessment.

[thejenesaisquoigirl]

DnD Ask Meme- Tamzen

Link to original, blank meme: https://thejenesaisquoigirl.tumblr.com/post/186529464305/dnd-asks More about my kitsune monk (Way of the Open Hand) under the cut~!

1) What would they consider to be their biggest failure?

Dying. Not protecting her son. Before she let him go, it was failing to be someone Silas loved enough to stay with even in the face of opposition. Or not being able to be there for her son due to her inability to prevent the ugliness within her from festering. Currently Tamzen is having an internal crisis of believing she fails at everything or will never be enough for anyone.

2) What’s the story behind their name?

When it comes to naming characters, I really just start thinking of names that stick out. It started with “Tiernan”--from Pirate Queen--and I must have watched an episode of The Tudors with Tamsin Merchant to remember that name, too. “Tamsin” kept sounding best with the character concept and then the spelling changed to “-zen” as a subtle joke since she’s a monk haha

3) What’s their relationship with their family?

Positive and loving. She has always adored her parents and vice versa. As a mother, Tamzen may be firm and people may assume she would not show warmth to her son; but Tal is one of the few people with whom she always shows her depth of emotion for him. He is a perfect child and his love helped Tamzen heal.

4) What’s one song that describes them or is them?

Not many peeps know this, but she was built to be the personification of the “Morgan: Amor Tristis (or Morgan - Amor Tristis on Spotify)” instrumental from the Ah! My Goddess movie. My all-time favorite instrumental and it suits her story.

5) Who is their best friend?

In the beginning of the campaign, it was Kerrick. He was the first friend she’d ever made other than Silas. But his behaviors—especially the incident with the cleric and raising the dead—drove a wedge in their friendship; and she found her friendship with Mama/Mishann growing. Now she’s her best friend and Tamzen even gave her the ultimate gift a kitsune can give someone—a piece of their hearth—along with trusting her to be the one to take care of Tal, if Tamzen would ever not be able to come back.

6) Why are they their class?

 She ran away from the city after her heartbreak and stumbled across a traveling group of mousefolk. Most of them were monks but since she stayed with the leader and his wife (the only ones with stuff able to house a larger humanoid), they were the ones who taught her as a way to find calm and take back a sense of control. 

7) What do they think of their party members?

She feels they’re a motley crew with a whole lot of secrets. She’s ESPECIALLY suspicious of Burt and Connie because of what clues she has gathered of their past and because of their actions over the last couple months. The rest of the crew: TBD- enjoying their healing dynamic since Biir left, thinks he’s a cool friend; Finn- thinks of him like a second son and is protective of him; Kerrick- he used to be her best friend and she’ll always be grateful, but Tamzen can’t condone his behaviors and struggles to be with people who can’t control their impulses; Mama- owes her so much and views her as family now, wants her to have every happiness possible and will do her best to make that happen.

8) In what ways are they similar to you?

Extremely calm under pressure, thinks she’s never good enough to be significant to anyone enough to not leave her, thoughtful gift-giver, gives herself for others until there’s nothing left, can have an accidentally sharp sense of humor, deep well of feeling and protectiveness for those she considers “hers”

9) In what ways are they different from you?

She takes serenity in all things to an entirely new level with how schooled her face is; her not being verbal in her affections to people she cares about; not enjoying reading; she only really warm to those she cares about; Gryffindor

10) What do they look for in a romantic partner, if they have a romantic orientation?

Someone who doesn’t see her as second best or not enough. Someone she doesn’t need to take care of but who can take care of her. Tamzen has a competency kink a mile wide; so if they’re even-keeled, stronger, a better fighter, and extremely skilled in what they do...they’re definitely her type. She’s a pretty quiet person, so they need to be comfortable with silence and understand things unsaid, as she’s very action-oriented. You can tell a lot about how she feels about someone based on her actions, not her words. They also need to love her son and not love her despite her past but because of it.

11) If they had a patronus or animagus form, what would it be?

A fox animagus haha For a patronus, probably a fox, too... maybe eventually a hippogriff (what is with my two favorite characters having significant peeps in their lives with hippogriffs?) or a monarch.

12) What do they smell like?

Orange blossoms and vanilla, with hints of herbs that can be used medicinally (eg: lavender, tea tree, etc)

13) What is their secret skill?

The lute and painting. She’s not secretive about her flexibility or healing abilities; she’s secretive about skills that can reveal her emotions.

14) What is their relationship to spirituality?

Complicated haha. She’s a “tsuki kitsune” and I tweaked that to mean she’s a fox was blessed by the goddess of love to have the potential of becoming “human.” Her “parents” are the guardians of a special, unknown spot in a forest the goddess has declared sacred; there to take care of the clearing and of any creature blessed by it...and Tamzen was a fox spawned in there. Anyways, so even as a fox, she was entrenched with this strong belief in the goddess and awareness of her presence; but then something devastating happened with the person Tamzen thought she was fated to be with--who had been the cause of her transformation. Ever since, Tamzen has had a VERY hard time with the idea of love...much less having firm faith in her goddess because she feels betrayed. She’s slowly trying to repair her side of the relationship through making sure her friends find love; but she still thinks someone she had absolute faith in has abandoned her, so she’s weary.

15) If they were to be remembered for something, what would they want to be remembered for?

She’d really like for her son to remember her loving him with everything she had. Other than that, she wouldn’t care much other than for doing good. 

16) Why did they become an adventurer?

Happenstance led to her becoming a monk...and she needed additional discipline to try to silence the rage and nastiness brewing inside of her, so she joined the army. The adventuring grew from that.

17) What’s one thing about their backstory that came to you after you already started playing the campaign?

So many things haha Why her parents are her parents, her relationship with her goddess, and so many other things. 

18) Do you have any headcanons for them that haven’t come up in game? Or headcanons for other party members?

Totes! She plays the lute only for Tal or when she needs to really think through something--frequently those moments are one in the same when he’s playing outside. Her internal crisis over always being second best and slowly being resigned to it. Party members: Mama: they sometimes read together (even though Tamzen doesn’t like to read), trade skills (Mama helps her build strength and she helps Mama with flexibility), and that Mama has to spend extra time in front of a mirror before going to a fancy event to take in the fact that this is her life now and she gets to wear these pretty things and be feminine. Kerrick: that he’ll sometime have ink in his hair from running his fingers through it while copying down spells. TBD: thinks it’s hilarious how he still hasn’t had to explain his name and has a running bet with himself over it. Finn: she catches Tal speaking Squeakspeak to Finn while playing and Finn just going with it and trying to learn the game through context instead.

19) Any ships with your character? If a PC or NPC, what interaction launched it?

Ya know, never thought she would ever get to a point where she would be in a place to be with someone again. But then she asked Damien (an NPC) what it was like to lose your parents... and his utter honesty in that conversation was enough to make her cry in front of someone. It was evidence she could allow someone to see her vulnerable again. And then when he showed off his battle prowess and skill under pressure...her interest was DEFINITELY piqued. And then he went and made sure she was able to get to her son? Now Tamzen has it bad and has no idea how to handle having feelings for the newly crowned king. Especially not when she thinks she’s not good enough for anyone. 

20) What would your character consider their biggest success? Or what is your favorite success your character has had so far?

Tal and facing Silas again. She’s really surprised me in how she’s been able to grow to where she is now...so that’s an awesome success because it feels like there’s still more growing for her to do emotionally. But the ultimate success EVER was the gift of the hearthstone to Mama. It was canon lore created on the fly and it was so meaningful

[forsakingonevow]

Cersei x Jaime Shipper Ask Game || @lannisqueen sent me all the questions, how greedy

1. What first made you start shipping them? At first, it was because of this quote: “I crossed a thousand leagues to come to you, and lost the best part of me along the way. Don’t tell me to leave.” I really feel for Jaime each time I read it. They both were separated for so long and he comes back to her at an awful time but you can see he loves her. He just wants to marry her and for them to be together, of course he’s kinda selfish, he knows she’s vulnerable and will need him, but in a way so is he because he lost what he thought defined him and it’s all a mess but a beautiful mess. After that, rp happened and they became my OTP.

2. Do you prefer Cersei or Jaime? Jaime, he’s my muse for a reason. I liked him since day one when he pushed Bran out of that window. He appears to be arrogant, impulsive and careless, which he is, but looking deeper into his blunt remarks and his ruthlessness, he's not the dishonorable and disloyal man everyone in that world thinks he is, sure, he can be questionable but he has his own code to act on (eve if he saw all the knighthood ideals he believed in shattered), and that is love. Love is his main fuel and that is something I relate with. He operates in this really grey area where he can do some good things or some really terrible ones for love, and he's aware of it, he knows what he’s done and why, and he’s not sorry for any of it. His POV is the one I enjoy the most too.

3. Do you prefer Cersei and Jaime’s relationship in the books or in the show? They’re so different I can’t pick just one! It’s a bit unfair because now their story is complete in the show and I loved every second of it, specially the end.

4. What other fictional couples remind you of them? Lucrezia and Cesare from The Borgias. I haven’t finished watching BUT I know the important bits and a friend of mine always talked to me of how alike they were.

5. Do you read fanfiction? If so any favs/recs? From time to time and only because two people I know wrote these x x 

6. Do you enjoy fanart? If so, any favs/recs? I do but I don’t really have them saved anywhere public to share the links. I’ve already shared my faves with you.

7. Fav Cersei x Jaime edit or gif set? There’s the Jaime & Cersei husband/wife references from the books and this He will come. I know he will. He must. Jaime is my only hope.

8. Have you writen fanfiction or drawn fanart of them? Not yet but I’m in the process of writing my first fic.

9. Name one headcanon you have of them. :) Jaime got his appendix removed when he was eight and Cersei couldn’t sleep that night he was at the hospital, she was feeling the pain he was in too. 

10. Fav alternate universe setting for them? I’m trash for all the modern stuff and I know it was crack but I sort of love our changed at birth au.

11. What star sign do you think they are? I pick Leo as canon, for reasons, but Aries works too.

12. What MBTI type/types do you think they are? Jaime is ESTP and Cersei is probably ESTJ, I’m not 100% sure about her.

13. Who do you think takes control more in the bedroom? Jaime does have more control, he likes to dominate more often than not there but they tend to switch.

14. Should Cersei and Jaime have fled to the free cities together at any point and if so when? When they were younger and Cersei wasn’t as ambitious about the throne.

15. What songs remind you of Cersei and Jaime? Already replied.

16. Genderbent Cersei x Jaime, yes or no? Nah. If Jaime was a woman he’d be Cersei and if Cersei was a man she’d be Jaime, so what’s the point?

Show specific:

17. Fav Cersei x Jaime show scene? This scene from season 6

18. Fav show kiss? That tongue while they’re kissing 

19. Fav show quote regarding their relationship? “Fuck prophecy. Fuck fate. Fuck everyone who isn't us. We're the only ones who matter, the only ones in this world.”

20. Did you like their ending? I LOVED IT. LOVED IT. So satisfying in many levels. I need a brand new post to explain each point, because I love it for both, separately too for different reasons and then together.

21. Do you think Nik and/or Lena ship Cersei x Jaime? I don’t know if they’d use the word “ship it”, I think they’re really great and professional actors who really understand their characters and their motivations, and know the importance of their characters’ relationship. BUT THEY SHIP IT, OKAY?

22. Fav cast quote about their relationship? Nikolaj:  It’s the end of the movie, there’s been a big, big battle. Go to dark. It’s black for ten seconds… and comes up this sign that says “20 YEARS LATER”. There’s a small cottage, Jaime and Cersei are sitting there. “Finally, my love. Finally”. And the music

23. Do you believe that Tommen would have accepted their relationship if he had known? Eventually, after a looooooot of time and space to process things. He’s too young and I think what made Myrcella accept it as fast as she did was the time she spent in Dorne, it gave her a different perspective of things, and Tommen’s world is not as open and accepting.

24. What would they have named their baby if they had lived? As cliche as it is and its everywhere already, Joanna for a baby girl, and don’t kill me, but Tyrion for a boy just because they owe him their lives.

25. What would have happened between them if Jaime would have stayed in Kings Landing in season 7? I think it would have been harder for Cersei to concrete that alliance with Euron but other than that not much. Cersei was right about what was going to happen once the fight in the North was over. I know one thing that wouldn’t have happened though lol

26. Why did Jaime sleep with and have a brief relationship with Brienne? I need an entire one-shot to describe what happened there.

27. Do you think Cersei really ordered for Jaime to be killed? It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. I have a thread with one Qyburn where he insinuates that Jaime siding with the enemies presents a vulnerability to their strategy and Jaime’s a traitor betraying the Queen, so he makes me suspect Qyburn is the one behind the order. He’s very smart. But who know?

Asoiaf specific:

28. Fav Cersei x Jaime book scene? The altar sex! I found this post I need to reblog about the importance of that scene. It’s a symbolic union, the comfirmation of their love in front of all the gods since they can’t make it public. She’s his home. Also what we talked about, how it proves wrong those who says she was disgusted by his stump and how he still is her champion and Cersei’s the first one to remind him he still has another hand, also “I am not whole without you”.

29. Fav book quote regarding their relationship? “Come at once. Help me. Save me. I need you as I have never needed you before. I love you, I love you, I love you."

30. Do you think Jaime is the valonqar? Yes, I wish he wasn’t but it’s possible. GRRM makes me doubt about all prophecies.

31. Do you think Cersei and Jaime will die together? Yes!!! To infinity.

32. Do you think Jaime will have any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with Brienne? I don’t think so, I see their book relationship more based on respect than actual romantic feelings.

33. Do you think Cersei will meet and have any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with Euron? I think the vision of Aeron Greyjoy about the kraken like figure with tentacles on the Iron Throne and a woman by its side is a foreshadowing of Euron and Cersei. I don’t see them involved romantically, no, but in a sexual way, could be.

34. Will Cersei and Jaime have sex again? I wish, Jaime will always be attracted to her and feel that desire, but it’s hard to find the right time and for him to forget about the other men she’s been with.

35. Do you think Jaime will return to Cersei in Winds of Winter or not until A Dream of Spring? Already replied

[quartusbellum-blog]

SARA for the role of REGULUS BLACK using the faceclaim NICOLE MAINES. 

I am very excited about your portrayal of this character! Not only have you given life to the plots hinted at in the skeleton, but you’ve threaded new layers of meaning into Regulus’ story. I can’t wait to see them explored on the dash! 

ooc details

Name: Sara

Age: im a fandom grandparent

Pronouns: they/them

Activity Level: I’m around every day and enjoy making a mess of things in game

Other: No triggers though my character might end up triggering others. I’ll make sure to tag.

Acknowledgement: I acknowledge that the themes of this game may include triggering elements. I also acknowledge that my character may be harmed, coerced, or even killed (with player’s consent) during paras/events or may cause harm to or kill others during paras/events. Yep here4themess

                                                 ჻    ჻    ჻   ჻

general ic details

Name: Regulus Arcturus Black

Age: 19 | January 23rd

Ships: Regulus is rather aromantic in manner so a romantic is unlikely. Even still, I’d be happy to try any ships, any nonromantic ships etc.  Warning: please read the whole app prior to seeking a ship with Regulus given that any sort of romantic/nonromantic/sexual ship might contain triggering experiences.

TBH my dream ships are probably more found family/family oriented… polyamorous with an asexual asshole who is a little skew?

Gender/Pronouns: publicly Regulus is still he/him but there will be a blending and fucking up of pronouns as Regulus explores and comprehends her gender (likely ultimate ending but nonbinary is also possible). This is different then how i sometimes write trans characters because in this game one aspect of her narrative will be the concept of growing up and understanding she can be who she wants to be. Even if Regulus knew from a young age (which not all trans people do), Regulus would have innately rejected the idea because of the pride his mother has(d) in having the two heirs at a cost. This became even more pressing when Sirius left his role as heir and it landed to Regulus–suddenly Regulus’ choices shrank even more. Its only in death that she has started to comprehend that there are choices now.

So pronouns will be flying ALL THE WAYS but mostly reflecting how the character is presenting EXTERNALLY to others. FC will remain static but may not be used all the time due to the lack of stable presentation.

For this app He/Him were used exclusively as up until perhaps the past year Regulus presented exclusively as he/him.

Headcanon for transitioning Attisgalli Corrective Draught.

Face Claim: please provide two face claim options.

Nicole Maines

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bio questions

Please note, while this game is “canon” up until the start of the Wizarding War it does not stay canon and it’s quite divergent at the start of the game.

biography:

The Black Family is too old of a family line not to have gotten… muddled (never muddied) in the past. It shows on the family tree in little notations (a dark red swirl like an ink blot on their shoulder for vampire) or in burn-marks where a person used to be (for scum of the earth traitor). Sometimes, Regulus’ mother sniffed when explaining this, certain family members couldn’t do what needed to be done.

A little pruning never hurt anyone–not any more then a little cultivating did.

Regulus and Sirius Black might have been half brothers but that was simply the most prudent action their parents could take to make absolutely certain the bloodline continued. Sure, children that shared both parents blood would have been ideal but with Druella only providing girls and Orion not providing any… Walburga Black was always very good at problem solving. Perhaps the only problem she failed to solve was her eldest son Sirius–or maybe she almost fixed it with Regulus.

If Sirius Black was loud and brash and bright–Regulus was the opposite. He was a late talker and when he did start talking it was almost always a last mumbled as a last resort. It wasn’t that Regulus wasn’t intelligent but that he struggled to organize his thoughts and provide them to others–something that continued through childhood, through Hogwarts, and beyond. He preferred chess and finding patterns within potions, charms, and even Quidditch to social obligations.

Prone to being misunderstood when he did attempt to make friends (he wasn’t threatening that girl, he was warning her so she wouldn’t be hurt), Regulus over values any and all friends or family he has. As such, any disowning, death, or friendship breakup has been taken incredibly personally. Its no excuse, and Regulus knows that now more then ever, but the need for connection and purpose helped drive his passion for Voldemort. Regulus believed in what Voldemort was fighting, becoming a Death Eater would provide a structure that Regulus knew he would need outside of Hogwarts while learning how to manage the Black family vaults and investments, and there was a social aspect, too.

For all that Regulus was good at strategy and understanding how seemingly fragmented pieces of information fit together: he was too slow to understand what Voldemort’s real goals were and what they ultimately meant for his family (and the wizarding world, but his family, of course, was paramount). Regulus Black never woke up one day and started believing muggleborns were ‘okay’ or that his innate belief system was wrong. He woke up one day and realized that the few people he cared about were in danger in a way they did not, could not, understand.

The vampire blood was easy to get, although he hardly thought it would work. He had long since been in the habit of visiting Narcissa and feeding the prisoner James Potter. Adding a fail safe into James’ layers of memory charms was not easy but necessary. Most likely, even with the blood, even with over a month of planning, Regulus was certain he was going to die.

Which he did. It just didn’t stick.

It’s been almost a year since then and Regulus isn’t sure if it was the potion, the vampire blood, the way he died, or if he’s finally just turning into his mother’s child in ways he never wanted to–but Regulus Black can’t seem to get a grip on his emotions, or his tongue, the way he used to. In some ways, though, its a relief–like finally being able to peel off an ill-fitting skin for something new.

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my character is:

Please Provide the Following

A Belief that is Wrong

Please Describe a Belief your character has that is wrong. It can be something we, as players, know is wrong (ex. prejudice against werewolves ).  Alternatively: How is your character lying to themselves (and how is is it shown externally).

Regulus has always had something about organization and if he thinks about it too much even he would have to acknowledge that it’s a lie. But Regulus generally doesn’t pay that much attention to the reality surrounding these habits, only the relief it brings him. His clothes are always pressed–even in his closet of a space with the Radical Alliance. The robes are cleaned, and charmed pressed, and hunt up in a very specific order. His bed is exactly one inch from the left wall. The trunk he keeps things in is under the bed and must not touch any of the posts or the wall. He keeps things perfectly separated inside the trunk. He counted the flur de lis on the carpet between his and Sirius’ bedrooms over and over and over again as a child. He can tell anyone how many panes of glass are in the windows at Hogwarts and even differentiate between wings of the castle. These habits (because, of course, that’s all they are, all they will ever be) didn’t start out so all encompassing but as Regulus grew up, as life became more complicated, choices too limited, finding ways to control it (even illogical ones) seemed to be the only answer.

If things are clean enough. If things are the right number. If he stops counting at the right moment, if he taps the right pattern : everything will be fine. There’s arithmancy in everything, he tells himself, because life has always been more bearable when he believes it to be true.

Job

Is Regulus Black Doing Anything? He isn’t sure, really. Certainly he doesn’t have a job–he’s never worked a traditional job a day in his life! He’s no longer a Death Eater. Can he continue to look after his family’s finances if he is, in a sense, dead?

Does he want to be alive? –Regulus wonders this sometimes, believing it not to be any sort of suicidal ideation but a simple, obvious question. Should he be alive? The answer is no.

Does he want to be–he doesn’t know.

As far as anyone knows (particularly Remus but also Marcus and Narcissa), Regulus Black has no job and is doing nothing but trying to pour his scrambled eggs of brain and impulse control back into some semblance of viability. Underneath that, Regulus Black is trying to pour his scrambled eggs of brain and impulse control back into some semblance of viability…and remember just what his next steps were supposed to be regarding the horcrux.

ooc questions

Writing Sample:

He’s at the stairs. Not the grand stars at the front of the house that fork and twist along the side of the foyer–but the back stairs. Servants stairs his mother would hiss if she saw them except none of their family have ever employed household staff.

House elves are bad enough, his mother says in his ear and Regulus jerks, expecting to feel her breath on his cheek but–nothing. Its nothing.

“I’ve food for the prisoner.” He says but its pointless because no one is listening. No one has been listening since Peter Pettigrew. Since Dumbledore. Since James. It is a mistake but they haven’t realized it yet.

He’s stood too long, frozen above the narrow staircase with a silver tray. Someone will see you–the thought hisses through his mind and Regulus knows, suddenly, with a clarity he’s been lacking: its not real. It’s not a part of this. A dream? The idea s fleeting and wilts under a brush of light as the curtains behind him are pulled open.

“Then go ahead, darling.” Narcissa says.  

The memory jerks, skitters, speeds up.

“I’ve food for the prisoner.” He says. “I’ve food for–”

Regulus is down stairs and the food is gone, shoved to the side. The lip of the tray is pressed into his ankle but Regulus ignores it because–James.

“Listen to me,” Regulus is saying. It’s strange, like none of this is real because he can’t feel any of it. The words fall from his mouth because where is his tongue? His wand is tight in his left hand, the swirls carved into its handle cutting into his palm. He should smell blood, he thinks.  

There’s nothing, though. The room is bleary with weak autumn light from a small window about ten feet above them. There’s a bed but James isn’t allowed to use it. He’s on the floor. Regulus is on the floor. No, he’s straddling James–James can’t move during this or else–or else.

James tenses under him and Regulus grabs a fist full of James’ fraying robes. “This is serious.” The robes are too tattered to bruise when Regulus’ jerks them. He can’t strangle James (and wouldn’t even if it would be a mercy)

“Why should I?” James, the fucker–it had been a month and he still had that smirk except there’s blood at the corner and this time (not the first time) Regulus can feel his stomach growl at the sight of it.

“It’s important.” Regulus has his wand pressed at James’ temple and his mouth brushes James’ cheek when he leans in to whisper. “You’ll thank me later.”

Regulus Black has never been good at mind magic.

When Regulus wakes up, he tastes salt water and bile.

Exploration:

Please share three things you’d like to explore. This could be a character changing sides, darker themes, or basic fiction tropes.

Family Lines: I think this game provides a particularly interesting set of circumstances regarding possible family lines. First there’s Narcissa and her condition–how did that happen? Possibly Regulus, trying to manage his life post cave and fucking up again ( or maybe it was a blessing?) I like to headcanon that maybe Alphard was a vampire and thats where the blood came from (open to other options). Speaking of, how has Walburga doing? And then there’s, of course, Sirius and all the brother’s baggage which is made even more complicated as (if this set up is accepted) Regulus sort of used Sirius’ best friend as a last will and testament–not that James remembers it yet. Last, … does Regulus even count as a live anymore and if not who has inherited ?

A Family Curse: The Black family has never exactly been known for its cool head and steady hands but Regulus, for all his somewhat muffled anxieties, has mostly stood out as awkward but not particularly memorable. In fact, it’s safe to say without his last name (and grades) Regulus probably wouldn’t have gotten much notice at all. That has largely changed now, although Regulus has trouble pin pointing why and how. There are a lot of factors, many of which no one else knows, and Regulus should care about that. He should be highly concerned–but those concerns evaporate before he can even generate a game plan to consider addressing it. Most seem to assume that its just Regulus taking after his mother. TLDR I’m interested in seeing what information he drops (likely not entirely clearly) without thinking it through and how the changes in demeanor and method impact both those who grew up with Regulus Black and those who didn’t. Don’t worry about wangst, I’m much more interested in throwing weird or intense tings at others then have Regulus mope.

Choices mixed in with all of that, Regulus has found himself well and truly on his own about making choices for the first time in his life. Sure, Remus might have ideas on what he should do, and Sirius, and Marcus, and Narcissa—but all of them have different goals, different expectations of what Regulus could do and in the end, Regulus doesn’t have to do anything. At the onset the only thing he does know is that he must do something about the horcrux…but how? When, where, and why? I want to see how different interactions with various characters might influence those choices and how Regulus handles managing his own reigns ow for better or for worse.

Gender: its so easy to boil gender and trans experience into one narrative but so often things are far…messier then that. Regulus is a character who hasn’t felt the ability to think overly hard (or pursue if he has thought of it) alternatives to gender even if the Wix Community at large is accepting (people turn into frogs, after all). This game provides a unique chance to explore gender through the lense of a character who is learning and failing and not overly confident (or overly feminine) but genuine in that (at least) if nothing else. Also, does being a vampire effect Attisgalli Corrective Draught?

Extras:

Anything else you’d like to provide?

[allthecoolboysaredead]

Larry Ezekiel Goodman Bio + Tags + Headcanons

Name: Larry Ezekiel Goodman Nicknames: Darkheart, Larebear Age: 21; Can Change Birthday: February 27th Sign: Pisces Gender: Cis Male Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: Homosexual Homoromantic Polygamous; Nonsexual unless introduced to sex by outside source (then highly sexual) Hair: Naturally Brown, dyes tips blue Eyes: Dodger Blue Skin: Pale White Height: 5′0″ Weight: 110 lbs Faceclaim: Gerhard Freidl Piercings: Horizontal Brow Piercings (Left Side), Angel Bites, Labret, Both Ears Gauged (Size 0g) Tattoos: None Scars: Nothing real noticeable

Alignment: Lawful Good Religion: Raised Roman Catholic, Aetheist Allegiance: South Park Vampire Society, Mike Makowski, Ryan Ellis

Family: Zachary Fetter (Father, Alive, Out Of The Picture); Mariah Goodman (Mother, Alive); Martin “Big M” Goodman (Uncle, Alive); Mary Goodman (Grandmother, Deceased); Ezekiel Goodman (Grandfather, Alive)

Pets: Lestat (White German Shepherd)

Personality: Adaptable, anxious, artistic, attention-seeking, caring, compassionate, compliant, desires an escape of reality, emotionally intelligent, empathetic, extroverted, forgiving, friendly, generous, gentle, gullible, impulsive, intuitive, loyal, overly trusting, passive, patient, protective, prudish, responsible, self deprecating, selfless, sensitive, shy, submissive, sullen, tolerant, worrisome

Likes: Sleeping, music, romance, visual media, swimming, the spiritual side of vampirism, comaraderie, his friends, clamato juice, deviled egg potato salad, sweets, animals, helping others, rainy/snowy weather

Dislikes: Confrontation, cruelty of any kind, thinking too much, being criticized, know-it-alls, being taken advantage of, being left out, touching fish, Swedish meatballs, bitter things, plain water, hot weather

Can Do: Drive, make telephone calls, organize events, drop everything when a friend needs him, offer advice, play instruments (Cello, piano, clarinet, a little bit of violin, kazoo), write fiction

Can’t Do: Actually kill things, relax easily, cook, math, abandon his friends, most magic, handle confrontation, get too warm, resist singing to songs he likes/knows

Mental Health Diagnosis:

PTSD: Larry was treated rather poorly up until he started school, often locked out of his mother’s room at night and left with nobody to help him through things but his uncle. His uncle was and still is a drunk piggybacking off of his mother’s paychecks, and Larry suffered a lot of physical and sexual abuse from him. To this day he dislikes being alone with the man.

Dependant Personality Disorder: Larry will pour himself into other things in order to escape his actual reality. Because of this, he takes on the brunt of handling most Vampire Society affairs, including but not limited to booking events and venues, securing timetables and even setting up the occasional bake sale. The busier he can stay, the happier he is.

Physical Health Diagnosis:

Flat Feet: Larry has to wear special inserts in his shoes because his feet have no arches in them. It occasionally makes running hard.

Fears: Being forgotten, aliens, being eaten alive, earthquakes

Positive Traits: Loyal, trustworthy, tolerant

Negative Traits: Self-deprecating, anxious, worrisome

Quirks: Listens to such a wide variety of music it’s hard to pinpoint his tastes; Likes peanut butter and cheese sandwiches; Has an interest in all occult/supernatural things but vampires are his number 1

Tends To: Busy himself to the point of forgetting himself; Become nonverbal during conflict; Cling to his dog when scared

History: The timing couldn’t have been worse for Larry to have been a shine in his parents’ eyes. Zach Fetter was content to be the guy Mariah Goodman’s parents couldn’t stand, and she was content to know she was breaking rules, until Larry came into the picture. The minute it turned from rebellion into the possibility of a family, all parties tried to run. Mariah, sadly, was a little stuck. She couldn’t get an abortion, and had to temporarily move back in with her parents until Larry was born. He spent the beginning of his life mostly with his grandparents, while his mother got back on her feet with a job.

When he was three, his uncle was released from prison and his mother moved out of her parents’ house to move in with her brother. The initial idea was for him to get a job and help out, but something always got in the way. He spent a lot of time babysitting Larry, who began to behave differently. Quiet, more sullen, he flinched a lot in the presence of his uncle and refused to talk about it. By kindergarten, he was reluctant to do much on his own, and immediately clung to an older kid by the name of Mike Makowski.

They became fast friends, and Larry was ever loyal to any of Mike’s causes, even if he was a year younger than him. When they became the South Park Vampire Society in fourth grade (fifth for Mike), Larry was a dutiful second in command that spent as much time as he could with his friends. They were all a very close-knit group, and even as they grew and everyone else changed, Larry didn’t see a whole lot of it.

He let himself be so enveloped in his work for his friends, in spending time with them and helping them with problems, that he never thought of much else. Most things that regular teenage boys did escaped him, barring his schoolwork, and he was always probably the least sexual of the vampire kids. Not to say that he didn’t like people that way, or that he didn’t have the thoughts on occasion, but he was always so tired when he got home, and it took a lot to get him to open up about things like that.

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Tags List - Personal

Not A Ghost Nor A Demon (Larry) This Is What I Do I Spit On You (Larry’s IC Posts) Stripes Are Always In (Larry’s Closet) A Vampire’s Lair (Larry’s Stuff) I’ve Got A Notion (Larry’s Desires) Fake Fangs And Clamato Juice (Larry’s Aesthetic) The Vampire Lestat (Lestat Tag) Like Fog Lights In The Rain (Larry’s Music) Things Are Different When You’re Dead (Larry Musings) Here It’s December Every Day (Larry Headcanons)

Tags List - With X - Canon

We Are But Shepherding Wolves (Larry And Allison Mertz)

The Different Need Us As Well (Larry And Amanda Harrison)

Please No Grieving (Larry And Annie Barlett)

Blondes Have More Fun (Larry And Bebe Stevens)

I Don’t Know Him (Larry And Billy Harris)

Sister In Darkness (Larry And Bloodrayne)

Where Oh Where Has He Gone? (Larry And Bradley Biggle)

It’s The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life (Larry And Butters Stotch)

I Don’t Like Dirt (Larry And Christophe “The Mole” DeLorne)

He’s Cool Enough To Hang Out With Us (Larry And Clyde Donovan)

If He Had Wheels He’d Be A Wagon (Larry And Craig Tucker)

Party Till It’s 666 In The Morning (Larry And Damien Thorn)

Nothing Is Ever Perfect (Larry And David Harrison)

He Rode Cthulhu Like A Pony! (Larry And Eric Cartman)

A Sweet Kid (Larry And Filmore Anderson)

Sharp And Scathing With Shipping Included (Larry And Firkle Smith)

The More The Merrier (Larry And Flora)

Brothers In Vampirism (Larry And Gangsta Vamp)

It’s Not Right To Tell Someone They’re Wrong (Larry And Gary Harrison)

What’s Up Drunkie? (Larry And Gregory)

She Wears A Dress Like A Body Bag Every Day (Larry And Heidi Turner)

Fire Bad! (Larry And Henriette Biggle)

Under Our Wings You Could Flourish (Larry And Ike Broflovski)

Don’t Let The Losers Win (Larry And Jennifer Harrison)Could She Be One Of Us? (Larry And Jenny)

Humor Is The Lifeblood Of Society (Larry And Jimmy Valmer)

One Of Us (Larry And Karen McCormick)

Why Does He Hate Us So Much? (Larry And Kenny McCormick)

Help Yourself To Guns And Ammo (Larry And Kevin McCormick)

Millennials Against Canada (Larry And Kyle Broflovski)

Everyone Is Welcome (Larry And Leslie Meyers)

I Believe (Larry And Mark Harrison)

Anywhere But Scottsdale (Larry And Michael)

They Worry You With All The Talk Of How You’re Not Their Kind (Larry And Mike Makowski

A Little Extra Help (Larry And Mimsy)

Always Scheming (Larry And Nathan)

The Sun It Withers In Comparison (Larry And Nichole Daniels)

Ugh You Spit On Me Larry (Larry And Pete)

He’s Not Like The Others (Larry And Quaid)

Leader Of The Pack (Larry And Red Tucker)

We’re Cool Huh? (Larry And Ryan Ellis)

Not Everyone Is On Our Level (Larry And Sally Bands)

You Poor Guy (Larry And Scott Tenorman)

Dogs Are Life (Larry And Stan Marsh)

Fanastic Wounds (Larry And Timmy Burch)

Is He On The List? (Larry And Token Black)

Tally Marks (Larry And Trent Boyett)

Too Young To Drink Caffeine (Larry And Tweek Tweak)

Class President (Larry And Wendy Testaburger)

Tags List - With X - OC

For What It’s Worth (With Hershy) - @brokenxdelinquentsx

It Was An Honest Mistake (With Nikolai Robins) - @sub-nikolai

Tags List - With X - Crossover

Daddy Daddy Get Me Out Of Here I’m Underground (With Jareth)

A Little Crazy Is OK As Long As Nobody Says Any Dirty Words (With Jerome Valeska)

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Verses - In-World

Second Best Friend Ever (Larry’s Elementary Verse)

It didn’t take long for Larry to be swept up in Mike Makowski. Someone that was so confident and cool actually paying him attention was the biggest, nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. He would have followed Mike to the ends of the Earth and back, and usually helped retrieve him from Scottsdale, at least by tattling to his parents.

Growing Into Oneself (Larry’s Middle School Verse)

In middle school, being the vice president and treasurer of the Vampire Society became his life. He would make sure that everyone had their tickets for dances and things, that everyone was going to parties or zoo excursions. Mike’s birthdays became a big-ticket item and he did a lot of work with Mike’s stepdad to get the parties to be just right for his best friend.

Workaholic (Larry’s High School Verse)

In high school, Larry got a job as a clerk at the Photo Dojo. If he wasn’t doing that or school work, he was almost always with his friends doing something. If they weren’t together, he was planning things, or taking dictation from Mike. He spent as little time at home as he could leading up to his 18th birthday, and after it he tried to spend even less time there.

We Are The Fortunate All The Time (Larry’s College Verse)

The second Larry graduated high school, he was already out the door. The soonest he could get to his college life and away from his family, the better. Sure, he missed his friends, but they all talked on group chats and Discord, so things were still close. Living outside of Colorado was odd for him, however, hard to really put into place. Outside of his friend group, which apparently sheltered him a lot, he didn’t know how to function.

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AU Verses

I Can’t Wait To Show You My Love (Larry’s ABO AU)

Born a male Omega, Larry was always looked down upon by his mother, and his uncle saw him as a target. His grandparents took him in when he started to smell too much like his uncle, and have full custody of him. He lives with them in Middle Park, but still goes to school and hangs out with his friends in South Park.

His Only Fault Was His Trust (Demon!Larry AU)

Larry had never been much of a bad person. In fact, his only real flaw was that he trusted others so thoroughly that whatever they said or told him to do made him dangerous. A loyal friend, he became a majordomo to the royal family of hell when he died.

Creatures Of The Deep (Mer!Larry AU)

Larry is a Demasoni Cichlid, one of the least aggressive of his species. He tries to be a kind of vegetarian, but his species cannot survive without meat for long. He eats fish more than anything, though he goes into a frenzy on occasion. When he’s on land, he loses his ability to speak.

Apprenticed (Larry’s Repo! The Genetic Opera AU)

It started off innocently enough; Larry had been hoping to get some good, interesting work for his stories. Vampires were still a hit, even if it was more organ-themed now-a-days. But working as an apprentice to a Graverobber wasn’t always the easier thing to deal with, especially when squeamish.

Warn Your Warmth To Turn Away (Vampire!Larry AU)

It made sense, at some point, for Larry to obsess over vampires to the point of following ‘real’ ones. When he’d left South Park for college, he never once thought he’d find anyone that fit his aesthetic. Here he was, though, in a club called The Den, a bartender that didn’t realize just what he was getting himself into. Three days into his employment, he found out the dirty underbelly of the city operated there, and that most of them were not human. To keep him from running, he was slowly being poisoned, turned into a vampire that could still provide blood to others until the night of his full shift. Which just so happened to be his twenty-second birthday.

I Don’t Want To Be Team Jacob (Werewolf!Larry AU)

Larry had always loved dogs. He had enjoyed seeing wolves in the forest, thinking of them as vampiric familiars. The one time he stepped over his boundaries and pet an unfamiliar dog, though, turned out to be the worst night of his life. Trying to hide his new side from his friends and relatives was proving to be too hard, to boot.

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Shipping

None At This Time

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Open Starters

None At This Time

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Headcanon Posts

* ( positive personality   traits!

Physical Traits Of Your Muse

Detailed Profile Tag

Bold Your Muse’s Aesthetic (Spooky Edition)

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Faceclaim - Gerhard Freidl

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Art By Me

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Pets

Lestat is Larry’s loyal White German Shepherd. The pair are mostly inseparable, and he will take Lestat with him to occasional Vampire Society meetings. Lestat protects Larry from his uncle, who is the only person that Lestat doesn’t like.

[culpible]

alex  +  romance   /   don’t reblog.

this note is in my rules,   but i wanted to explain it a bit more in depth.     romantic shipping will be incredibly rare on this blog,     and it’s highly unlikely that i will ship with any canon character besides @freedtruth.    she and i have been talking about this ship for over a year now and we’re comfortable with each other in terms of where both of these characters are mentally and how much more time is needed for anything to truly develop between them which is so important to these two characters.       especially in my verses for season 1-2,    i will not be shipping him with anyone.       alex is not in the right headspace to be in a romantic relationship.      he’s still in recovery,    he’s still learning how to be himself again,    and he’s still putting his memory back together and rediscovering all there is to what led him to do what he had done.       

in season 1,   a majority of these canon characters literally added to the way his mental state had deteriorated.    they disagreed on how to respond to the claims made against them.      alex was begging to be punished for what he had done,    going out of his way just to get in trouble for something hoping it would soothe that ache    (    provoking m*nty to fight him so he could get in trouble for fighting,     driving too fast on the highway so he could get a speeding ticket,    etc.   )      whereas,    a lot of the others on the tapes were willing to do anything to ensure their secrets didn’t get out and they didn’t get in trouble    (    getting clay kicked out of school,      threatening to murder him,    etc.   )    though he doesn’t have all the memories from his time after hearing the tapes and to his attempt,     he does understand what they had inadvertently done to his mental state.     he takes full responsibility to where he got,     but the constant desperation for getting in trouble and refusing to have anyone listen to him  /  hear him out  /   agree with him was another hard hit after another.      no matter how much growth there has been with these characters,    i can’t see alex finding any sort of comfort with them romantically after all that’s happened. 

he’s also in love with jessica.    he has never fallen out of love with her.      he knows the mistake he made when he used a petty,  mindless comment about her to  ‘  get back at her,  ‘   but it had never truly been about her.      that was br*ce’s list,     and alex felt embarrassed because jessica didn’t have sex with him,     so he couldn’t fit in with the popular crowd the way they were trying to mold him to.     i have always headcanoned him as a virgin,    someone who doesn’t care about having sex  /  when he has it,    he just hasn’t yet.      it didn’t matter to him when he and jess went that far,    but it  mattered to the people around him.     he wanted to fit in,     he wanted to have something to brag about to fit their mold,    so when he didn’t get it,    he fought back     (    he’s an impulsive person with anger issues.      he acted on that impulse,     and it ruined him.   )      the category didn’t matter to him;    it was just an open category,    so he took it.     likewise,    it had nothing to do with hannah.     she was just the first name he thought of,    and he knew that would get under jess’s skin.      everything that fell apart between he and jess was based on his desire to impress these friends that weren’t worth it,     and he takes responsibility for that,       and he knows that he likely doesn’t deserve jess anymore   -----    but that doesn’t stop him from being in love with her,   at a distance to respect her own wishes.

in season 2,   he is on the road to recovery,    and jess is one of the most stable grounds for him.    she’s someone who knows him,   understands him,   and someone he’s comfortable with.      she reminds him of a time before things had gotten messy with him;    before he had screwed things up with her and hannah and with himself.      he doesn’t know who he is anymore;    he has severely lost so many parts of himself through season 1 and now after his coma,      but when he’s with her,    she makes him feel it’s possible for himself to get back on track.     she doesn’t look at him as if he’s fragile;    she doesn’t look at him as if he’s broken,     and he desperately needs that right now.     he can be lighthearted with her and feel like the weight that’s on his shoulders is gone,    at least for a while.      what’s more important to him than anything is that she has a friend and that she has a support system.      her needs often come before his,    and he pushes himself to be better    (   and to remember what he has lost   )    to help her,    more than he needs it all to help himself.      he has always wanted to be with her,     but i don’t think he’s in a place to really commit to that kind of romance.     love won’t instantly cure everything that’s going on with him now,     but her friendship has been a huge part in his recovery.     i don’t think jessica loves him back in that way,    and i think it’s going to be difficult for him to process once he realizes that,     but he’s going to make a bigger effort to keep her in his life,    no matter what way it is,    this time.  

the same goes for zach  ----   i know this has become a popular ship,    but their friendship is so dire to alex right now that i can’t fathom ruining that for a romantic ship.     like i said,    he’s in love with jess and i don’t see that drifting from his mind for anything,     but even so,     that friendship with zach is so necessary to him.      it’s someone who is physically trying to constantly help him get better,     someone he can be himself around.    right now,    a friendship is what he needs more than anything.      he is not in the right mental state for a romantic relationship,      and i think trying so hard to make it work with jessica all too soon is proof of that.       they didn’t have it all worked out,    they didn’t really think about it  -----    all alex knew was that he loved this girl and he needed something positive to happen to him  /  something he could succeed with,      but a relationship is not the way to go    (    at least,   not yet.   )    

i see alex as pansexual and demiromantic,    meaning he likes people based on who they are,   regardless of their gender,    but having a connection with that person is more important to him than anything.     he can’t just fall for a stranger  /  someone he hardly knows.      he likes to have a stable ground with them where he can truly know them and fall for him that way.    it’s why he fell so hard for jessica.     she was his best friend.     he was instantly attracted to upon first meeting her,    but he never acted on it because he didn’t feel that connection until he got to know her.     it’s also why he made the comment in never have i ever,    insisting that he had never kissed his best friend.    it wasn’t a joke,    it wasn’t him playing around.     he knew that eventually that would lead to kissing jess,    so he took an opportunity where he saw it.       

shipping is possible only in completely au verses when he’s in a better mental state,      but he is not in the place for it in any canon verses,   whether it’s with a canon or a noncanon character.      he needs to focus on getting himself better first,     whilst also helping the others in their circle recover from the trial and their own baggage.      the trope of a sad, broken character fixed because he fell in love isn’t something that interests me and feels like a disservice to a character as important as alex.       i just wanted to post about this to explain in hopes that no one is expecting to ship with alex because his recovery is 1000 times more important to me than relationships right now,     even if he’s stubborn and would hope to move on to the latter instead.