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The Onion continues to never miss

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I think some of you forgot that autistic people sometimes act strange and say things that are poorly worded and speak with incorrect tone and misunderstand or miss social cues because they are autistic

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the 5.6 livestream says Venti uses the Dodo communication device to call Alice. But for some reason Varka picks up and says "Barbatos?" which would be really funny if that means the Dodo communication device has caller id. "Barbatos is calling" is so funny for the Grand Master of Mondstadt to see.

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Venti Albedo Jean and Kaeya fans rn

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the small town trans kid experience of befriending the same person twice without knowing because you both lost contact over middle school when you were transitioning

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I headcanon that Alice told Klee know that Venti is a Trusted Adult(tm) despite not telling her Venti is Barbatos.

If something is happening she can call out for Venti and he'll help. If she feels unsafe she can go to Venti.

I also headcanon that Rhinedottr told Albedo that Venti is a Trusted Adult(tm).

I headcanon that all the hexenzirkel have Venti as their on-call babysitter.

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i wish you guys could read the amazing fic i haven't written and probably will never write, it's fire

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writing is kind of like roadwork in that you have to keep coming up with increasingly elaborate reasons for why it’s not done yet. there’s a six week delay because of light winds. the deadline has been extended two months because a family of hedgehogs moved in nearby. a tree fell over the laptop

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you're very pretty. your uniqueness is an inherently beautiful trait. please don't compare yourself to this guy. he's hot but don't compare yourself to him

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whispering to myself "you cannot genderswap one half of that het ship to make it yuri it will not fix your problems" over and over again

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About criminal records...

Transcribed: ["You're really going to be representing him in court?" "Yeah, why?" "This man has just killed like 10 people" "Oh~ Look who's talking~]

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5.6 has officially brought my genshin hyperfixation back send help

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I’m tired of people acting like Zhongli is a serious and chill guy who would never cause problems on purpose as if he isn’t one of the biggest menaces out of the Seven. He used to throw mountains at Venti for annoying him. He, the god of history, starts fights among historians for shits and giggles. He tried to gaslight the Traveler into thinking he was totally not at the Chasm guys really Aether/Lumine you must be seeing things maybe you should go see Baizhu. When Qiqi wanted “Cocogoat” milk he was like “Oh yeah sure totally let’s go look for it” knowing damn well it was a wild goose chase. He made the Traveler sing to a flower and then was like “Oh would you look at that” when a Whooperflower jumped out to maul them. I love him. He’s like a cat pushing things off the counter to see how people react. I would pay to see him interact directly with Neuvillette because I know for a fact he’d get on that man’s nerves and argue about water tasting just to feel something. Furina used freedom from godhood to take a nap and Zhongli used it to give psychic damage to anyone who talks to him longer than 5 minutes. Iconic.

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AS I WAS SAYING!!!!!

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hey guys have you ever heard of THE CHARACTER. i’m thinking about THE CHARACTER. honestly can’t even get shit done because i’m thinking about THE CHARACTER. i’m listening to a song and imagining THE CHARACTER. all i know and love is THE CHARACTER

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Never posting my fanfiction. Call that AO2.

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boobs are so cool it sucks that they're attached to me tho