#they need to stop bringing up their kinks if they don’t want YouTube mad

[hard-launch]

So…. Any bets on if/when Dan and Phil games will get demonetized again?

[satendou]

⟼ a locked room

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ pairing: kuroo tetsuro/reader

⇢ au: college!au

⇢  summary: yeah, it was cliche getting locked in a room with him, but the universe is vindictive sometimes. at least you got what you wanted.

⇥  masterlist

⇥ make a request! | rules

⇢ warnings: smut, unprotected sex, pre-relationship, fingering, cowgirl, mild daddy kink

⇢ word count: 4.7k

a/n: this one is pretty tame but it’s really just pwp so you know, take it for what it is. once again beta’d by my wonderful wife @keijiskitten​. she takes requests as well!

The final slam of the door echoed through the now empty gym as the rest of Kuroo’s teammates walked out. Most of them had offered to stay and help him clean up, but since they had been working hard at practice and deserved a break, he had declined. The floor was still littered with volleyballs, but two of the more persistent members had insisted on at least putting the nets up. He couldn’t deny he was happy about that.

The squeak of gym shoes broke the silence and Kuroo whipped around, catching sight of you coming out of the club room, holding a volleyball under your arm.

“Hey, hey, hey, _____,” he said, waving in your direction. His heart thumped a bit faster in his chest as you smiled back, gently kicking balls towards him, herding them closer to the basket. “What’re you still doing here?”

As the team manager, you helped out with the expenses of the team as well as anything else they needed, and you often found yourself staying late with the members assigned clean up duty. Such was the case tonight; you had been in the club room making sure that the funds were set up for the team to get to their next match. The championships were coming up and your team was determined to win, and you were doing everything you could to support them.

You smiled as you heard his greeting, a small laugh escaping as you thought of Bokuto. They had been friends since high school, so it was only natural Kuroo would pick up some of Bokuto’s habits. The first time he had shrieked it on the court after winning a game,  Bokuto in the stands had screamed it back at him and sent the whole court into hysterics. 

The memory almost made you burst into giggles again, and Kuroo caught the shaking of your shoulders as you tried to suppress them.

“What’s so funny, princess?” he asked, spinning a volleyball on the tip of his finger. The glint in your eye when you looked up at him made him suspicious, and he suddenly realized that you were remembering something he had done.

“Hey, hey, hey,” you quipped back and watched the abject horror cross his face as he realized what you had remembered. Of course you would think of that. 

The ball hit the floor with a hollow thud, bouncing towards the basket as he covered his face with his hands. “Could you not bring that up? That was so embarrassing, ugh.”

This time, you made no effort to hide your laughter. He would never know just how gorgeous he had been, covered in sweat and grinning so wide you thought his face might split, fists in the air as he yelled in victory. It always made your heart pick up speed, whenever he looked like that. That was why you cheered your heart out when they played-- so you could see that happiness shine every time.

“Sorry, but it’s your fault,” you said, tossing the ball towards the basket. It hit the rim and teetered on the edge before ultimately falling in. “It was cute, by the way. I keep hoping you’ll do it again.”

He already knew that. The way your face would light up when he greeted you like that, the small smile turning your lips upwards. He could shout it across the gym and you knew it was aimed at you. You would instantly turn around and shout it back at him, falling into laughter afterwards. He smirked as he realized how well trained you were.

“That’s fair. It’s cute how you always respond whenever I say it, you know?” he said, and watched your face burst into a shade of red he had only ever only seen on tomatoes.

“I-- do I?” you stuttered, looking down at your feet. You hadn’t even realized it, but it seemed like second nature to shout back at him across the gym. It felt like your own personal thing, even if it started as Bokuto’s. “Well, I’ll just have to stop then, I guess.”

“We’ll see about that.” Kuroo smirked down at you, resting his hand on his hip. “You should go home before it gets too late now.”

Finally in safe territory again, you looked back up at him, towering over you and smirking. What a smug little shit, you thought to yourself. “Nah, I’ll hang around and help. Wouldn’t want you to overwork yourself.” You waved him off, continuing to punt the balls carefully towards the basket while he picked them up and, with near perfect accuracy, bounced them off his arms and into the basket. “Showoff.”

“Well, I gotta impress you somehow,” he said, flashing you yet another grin which only widened when you flushed pink and looked away-- your signature move. It was adorable to begin with, but you always made it better by quipping back, acting as though you didn’t enjoy it.

“Keep trying, hotshot,” you muttered under your breath, picking up one of the balls and shooting it like a basketball. It sailed over, bounced off the wall and the edge of the basket and hit the floor.

You groaned, smacking your forehead. 

He laughed, doubling over at the sour look that graced your face as you glared at the ball, which came to a stop at your feet once again. How did that even happen? 

“Shut up,” you whined, throwing the ball at his head. Grinning, he caught it before it got close and began to spin it on his finger as he had before. “Kuroo.”

Tossing it over his head, he hit the basket dead on and smirked at your groan. “Yes, _____?”

“You are so infuriating,” you said as you packed the balls up properly, but there was no bite to your words. If anything, you actually were impressed, as you always were with Kuroo’s skill. But that didn’t mean you were going to tell him that.

But he could hear the amusement in your voice anyway. Following your lead, the basket filled itself up quickly, mostly because it devolved into a competition to see who could get the most in.

“Ha, admit it, _____. I won,” Kuroo said as the two of you pushed the basket towards the storage room. All of a sudden he stumbled and caught on it when it stopped short, winding him. When he looked up, your shoulders were shaking but he was suddenly pulled forward as you started walking again.

“You sure did, Rooster-head. Sure showed me,” you managed to choke out around your laughter, 

“No one likes a sore loser,” he said, but refrained from pushing the basket back at you, knowing it would make you trip. Besides, he wasn’t even that mad as he listened to your laughter fill the empty court.

“‘M not a sore loser. You’re just a brat,” you said as you put the basket in its proper place. You turned around to grab the brooms and almost smacked right into Kuroo. Before you could say anything about how close he was-- or acknowledge how hot your face felt-- the room was filled with a deafening thud.

The both of you jumped and whipped around, nearly crashing into each other again to face the door, which had slammed shut.

“Jesus, that scared the crap out of me,” you said, placing your hand over your racing heart. The noise the door made had sounded like thunder inside, nearly sending you into a panic.

Kuroo’s laughter was shaky but reassuring. “Same. Wonder what happened.”

You made your way to the door, Kuroo right behind you, and leaned down to examine the broken door stop. “Huh, the rubber is gone. That’s weird.”

“I think we have a bigger problem, _____.” Kuroo sounded grave and your head snapped up to look at him. His hand was resting on the door handle as he stared at it in bewilderment. “Who locked this?”

You blinked. “What?”

“Locked, _____. It’s--” He twisted his wrist, but the handle stopped with a loud clank. “I don’t know.”

“We’ll have to call someone to come unlock it,” you said, looking around at the windowless room.

Kuroo sighed, patting his pockets. “Uh, do you have your phone?”

A surge of panic went through you. No way. 

You patted frantically at your pockets, hoping, praying-- 

“Oh thank god,” you said, pulling it out of your jacket with trembling hands. You couldn’t imagine being stuck in here until one of your roommates realized you were missing. Hopefully.

You dialed the coach’s number and the dial tone sang in your ear for five, ten, fifteen seconds, until the voicemail picked up. A call to another team member yielded the same result. You went through four numbers until one picked up, sounding sleepy and annoyed.

“Kenma, I’m so sorry to bother you. We, um, we...well,” you faltered, unsure how to explain your situation.

You were saved the trouble however when the phone was snatched out of your hand, Kuroo sounding half amused and half annoyed. “The door to the equipment room is locked--”

He paused, his brows furrowing. “Gee, Kenma, I hadn’t thought of that. The problem is we’re inside it.” Another pause. “Yeah. Locked. Inside it. Can you--?”

He sighed and you quirked your eyebrow at him, receiving an eye roll and a grimace in response. Kenma could be so grouchy when woken up.

“We’ve tried, Ko. He didn’t answer. No, everyone’s left but us. Thanks, and I’m sorry. We have no idea how it happened, by the way. It was already locked. Yeah, i guess I’ll ask her tomorrow.”

“Ask who what?” you asked when he had hung up, 

He handed the phone back to you and leaned up against the door. “The other manager. Kenma mentioned she might’ve locked the door before she...well, whatever. He said he’ll be here in about an hour.”

You groaned, pressing your back to the door next to him. “Well, what do we do in the meantime?”

“I can think of a few things,” he answered, holding his hand out. 

You stared down at it, blinking in confusion. “I’m gonna need a little more to go on, romeo.”

He laughed, whether at your confusion or your reaction, you weren’t sure.

“Your phone. We’ve got an hour to waste. Let’s just watch youtube videos,” he said, and took it as it was offered and slid down to the floor.

You followed suit, sitting beside him close enough that the smell of laundry detergent and the remnants of whatever cologne he put on earlier that day overwhelmed you. It was mixed with sweat which, weirdly enough, somehow just enhanced the rest, and you flushed red as you realized what a weird turn your thoughts had taken. Blinking, you tried to focus on whatever was playing on the screen.

It was only a few minutes into some cat video compilation Kuroo insisted you watch when a message popped up on screen.

‘10% power remaining’

“Oh you have got to be kidding me,” Kuroo groaned, tapping the button to make the message go away. “Do you not know how to charge your phone?”

Snatching it out of his hands, you stuffed it in your pocket with a huff. “Well, if I had known I’d be locked in a closet for the next hour, I would have made sure to charge it. As it is…”

Silence followed for a few minutes, each of you trying to think of something, anything to say. Short of a nap, there was nothing else to do.

“So…” you said, tapping your fingers across your knee, “are you excited for the upcoming game? It’s the quarter-final, after all. It’ll be against Bokuto’s team, so it’ll be a good game.”

“Yeah. He’s been texting me non-stop about it, actually. It’s driving me insane. I’m gonna make him eat his phone when I see him,” Kuroo said, rolling his eyes in exasperation. His battery didn’t even last all day with how often Bokuto and Hinata texted him. He’d had to flat out turn off notifications from them to save both his battery and his sanity.

Your laughter broke through his sullen thoughts and he realized how pretty it was. Not that it was a surprise, he had already known you were gorgeous. Maybe it was the lack of anything else to notice or maybe it was just because you were so close, but whatever the case was, he was noticing things about you now that he’d always taken for granted before.

The way your eyes lit up and the lilt of your voice whenever you talked about something you enjoyed, the hair that fell in front of your eyes when you looked down shyly because you had caught him staring, the shape of your lips when you said his name, the shine on them when you licked them, just the tip of your tongue peeking out. He wanted to kiss you so bad.

Blinking rapidly, he tore his gaze away from your lips, shaking his head like he had water in his ears. 

But it was too late, you’d already caught him staring, laser focused on something that was definitely not your eyes. And he had been leaning in, slowly but surely, and you were certain he had taken in not a single word you’d said.

Following after him, leaning into his space just a little, you tugged on his shirt sleeve. “What is it, Kuroo? Something on my face?”

He huffed out a laugh and turned to look at you, startled by your proximity. You were much closer than he expected and his brain shot off one warning before it shut down, your bright eyes practically begging for him to lean down and kiss you.

One rough, warm hand came up to cup your cheek and he leaned in further, his nose brushing past yours and though you didn’t pull away, still he asked, “Do you mind if I--?”

You cut him off with your lips, soft and still wet as his hand slid up to cup the back of your head, tangling in your hair, his tongue slipping into your mouth. He couldn’t pinpoint what you tasted like, coffee or sweets or vanilla, but he already wanted more. Wrapping his fingers around your arms, he hauled you up and into his lap, right over the newly formed tent in his shorts. He groaned low in the back of his throat when you wiggled around, grinding down on him as you settled yourself, and the smirk he could feel against his lips made him wonder if it was accidental.

“Tease,” he whispered, moving across your cheek and down your neck, leaving a trail of nips and kisses, and your fingers threaded in his hair, catching in the tangles of his bedhead and tugging in response when he found a particularly sensitive spot. His hands slid up just underneath your shirt, gripping your hips to help you move. “You sure you wanna do this? Kenma could show up at any moment.”

Your eyes were closed, head tipped back, little noises escaping your lips as your panties grew wet. Your question came out breathless. “Do you want to stop?”

His fingers tightened and he pulled you closer, slamming his lips against yours and swallowing whatever noise you made in response. You could feel your shirt rising up, his hands rough as he squeezed and kneaded your sides until you had to relinquish your hold on his hair to lift your arms up. 

As much as he just wanted to throw your shirt, he knew that Kenma may interrupt and he didn’t want to be caught completely off guard, so he left it on, pushing it up around your neck so you could pull it down if you needed. After a moment of fumbling-- because he simply refused to pull his tongue from your mouth for even a moment-- your bra was pulled off and set aside. 

He could feel you jump and arch into him when he tweaked one nipple, already hard and begging to be pulled. Palming one breast, he rolled your nipple between his fingers, and you jerked your hips in response. He suddenly wanted your pants gone more than he wanted to taste you.

“Fuck,” he moaned when he pulled away, momentarily forgetting his plans when he caught sight of your tits. They bounced with every breath and he wanted so badly to wrap his lips around your hard nipples and suck, your fingers pulling on his hair as you whined his name. But not before he felt your slick cunt gliding across his cock as he did. “Pants off, princess.”

You had to stand on wobbly legs to get them off, and he watched you fumble in a rush to shed them, dropping them and your panties on top of your bra while he struggled between watching you undress and pulling his own shorts off.

You paused, drinking in the sight of him relaxed and smug against the door, his rock hard cock standing up and waiting for you to sit on it. And you were going to, to hell with getting caught.

“Clock’s ticking, princess. Hop on it,” he said, smirking as you turned pink.

You crawled back into his lap, his hands starting at your knees and squeezing their way up your thighs until his thumb grazed your clit, gathering up the slickness already there. You squirmed and rolled your hips, spreading your legs as far as you comfortably could so he could work one finger into your slick hole, his thumb swirling over your clit. 

His eyes were locked on your tits, swaying and bouncing as you circled your hips. One finger wasn’t enough for either of you, and you keened as he fit a second one in, scissoring your tight pussy open enough to fit something much bigger. You were so tight and his cock drooled at the thought of you squeezing down around him. The soft noises you were making, the fluttering of your walls around his fingers, and the movement of your tits was too much for him and he pulled his fingers from your heat.

Cupping and kneading your ass, he used his grip to pull you closer. His head thumped back as you settled over his length, pussy leaking along his shaft as you slid over it. He could die like this, he decided, your wet slit grinding along him, cum mixing with his.

Only the feel of his tip sliding inside, your cunt sucking him further until your hips met his. Your breathing had deepened, eyes rolling along with your hips and he had to grab them to make you stop, unable to concentrate over all of the pleasure.

He thought back to all the time he had imagined having you like this, stretched around his dick and so, so wet for him. You were tighter than he could’ve imagined and he wanted to savor the feeling before he fucked you open and made you cum so hard you blacked out. 

“Kuroo, please,” you pleaded, trying to roll your hips against his punishing grip. You couldn’t help it, he was so hard, throbbing inside you and you wanted more. You clenched down on him when his thumb grazed your clit, marveling at the spike of pleasure and the way his cock jumped inside you when you did. “We don’t have time for this.”

You practically melted when he bucked his hips up into you, jerking your hips sharply in his hands in response and leaning back to brace yourself on his knees. 

The temptation was too much.

“Tetsu, fuck,” you moaned when his lips wrapped around your nipple, sucking so hard your toes curled. His fingers occupied your other one, rolling and tweaking and pulling, your hips rocking in time with the flow of pleasure. The coarse hairs at the base of his cock tickled your clit and your thighs twitched, all of it too much. 

There was an insistent tugging on his hair, not trying to pull him away but push him closer and he switched to your neglected nipple and groaning around it, palming your now freed one. “You’re so good, princess. So pretty, taking daddy’s cock like this. You feel so fucking good.”

He pulled your nipple with his teeth, smirking at the way your whole body jumped when he called himself daddy. That was something he was going to remember.

The small room was now filled with the sounds of your wet pussy bouncing on his cock in earnest. Kuroo pulled back, leaning against the door and smirked, mesmerized by the bounce of your tits as you rode him, head tossed back and lips parted. He briefly imagined them wrapped around his cock as he stuffed himself down your throat and stowed that away for later activities. 

His thumb found your clit again, twiddling it as he focused on the way you clamped down around him, stuttering in your rhythm.

“Tetsu, don’t stop please,” you begged when his hips picked it back up, knocking the breath out of you. Your nails dug into his thighs, only able to hold on as your brain blanked, sparks of pleasure shooting up your spine and out to your fingers, down to your toes. The coil snapped and in the back of your whited out mind you could hear Kuroo groan, feel his teeth in your collarbone and his nails dig into your ass.

“Where do you want it, princess?” he hissed out, continuing to thrust into you even when you tugged on his hair hard enough to make his eyes water.

“Inside, Tetsu,” you cried out, unsure if you wanted him to pound you harder or stop. All you knew was that you were on the pill and you wanted him to fill you up with his cum, and you spasmed around him again at the thought. “Cum inside me, daddy.”

His hips stuttered and he groaned, a shaky noise, before they stilled, stuffed as deep as he could be and he came. Swearing against your shoulder, his hips jerked, his cock twitching with every spurt inside you until he was dry.

“Holy shit, babygirl,” he panted, his forehead resting against your neck. He could feel his sweat mingling with yours, your shoulders rising and falling fast as you fought to regain your breath. 

You laughed, still breathless as you said, “That’s one way to fill an hour.”

Smirking against your skin, he said, “That’s not the only thing that got filled,” and snickered at your groan. The sound of your smack against his skin was slick, and it stung far more than it should have, but it was worth it. The red mark he knew he was going to have as you burst into giggles would be too.

“You’re so dumb, Kuroo.”

“Tetsu,” he corrected. “Or daddy, though I’m not sure everyone is going to appreciate that the way I do.”

“Oh my god, Kuroo, stop talking,” you groaned, covering his mouth with your hands, your face scarlet. “You’re so embarrassing.”

“It’s okay, princess. You’ll get used to it soon enough,” he said, muffled against your hands. That thought made you loosen your hold on his chin, looking down at his chest shyly, and he laughed. “If you want, that is.”

You snapped up to look at him again, eyes bright with hopeful happiness. “I’d really like that, Tetsu. I’ve--”

There was the sound of a door clanging outside of the room, and the color drained from your face.

“Shit, Kenma,” Kuroo said.

“Kenma is here,” you blurted at the same time and scrambled out of his lap.

Suddenly thankful for Kuroo’s carefulness, you threw your clothes on in a rush and pulled your shirt down, forgetting about the marks all over your neck and the state of Kuroo’s hair. Just as you slid your shoes on, the door opened, and you sighed in relief at the fresh air that flowed into the room. You hadn’t even realized it had gotten so hot, and then flushed when you realized it might not have been just a lack of airflow.

You missed it, but Kuroo smirked at Kenma when he looked up at his hair, quirking a brow followed by a pointed glance to your neck. Kuroo wiggled his eyebrows, his smirk turning into a grin when you took his hand and laced your fingers with his.

“I am exhausted. I know we’re supposed to sweep but why don’t we come in early and finish up,” you said, tugging on his hand. “Also, thank you so much for coming to rescue us, Kenma. I really appreciate it. The door stop broke and--”

Kenma raised his hand to stop you, still glancing up at Kuroo’s more-bedraggled-than-usual hair. “Well, it doesn’t seem like you minded too much.”

You blanched and Kuroo snorted before bursting into laughter, clenching his stomach at the shade of red your face had turned. He received a sharp smack on his shoulder for it, but it didn’t phase him a bit as he gave a thumbs up to Kenma, who just shook his head, wearing the tiniest smirk possible.

“I’m going home,” you huffed, stomping towards the door. It was embarrassing enough to be caught but then Kuroo just had to go and be an ass. 

The sound of footsteps caught up to you, a hand wrapping around yours and then Kuroo stood in front of you, carefully walking backwards. He was still wearing that smug grin, staring down at you with amusement. “I’m glad he noticed. I want everyone to know who you belong to now.”

Ugh, why did he have to be so fucking smooth?

“Shut up, Rooster-head,” you muttered, but didn’t let go of his hand, and he fell into step beside you. “You can walk me home to make up for it.”

He smirked, and put on a thoughtful look. “Maybe I can do more than walk you home. Your bed is big enough for two, right?”

“Don’t push your luck, romeo. I have a roommate.”

“I’ll make sure not to make you scream then.”

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[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

What is your opinion on straight passing privilege? I (bi) don’t think it exists, but a close (lesbian) friend of mine insists that it does bc “You can hold hands with your SO (nb cis passing man) in public without risking being the victim of a hate crime.” I have been researching but keep seeing this same argument coming up, and I’m unsure and don’t want to be making anyone upset if I’m being ignorant here.

I think that there's a lot of fucked up internet politics around who is and isn't allowed in the community. Which is ridiculous.

Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Pan, Poly, Ace, Aro, Trans, Intersex, etc.

The only people who shouldn't be in the community are cishets, and pedos, none of that 'it's a sexuality' nonsense, it's predation.

The concept of straight-passing is ridiculous, primarily because it's all based on assumptions. If you're in an m/f relationship, and you are both cis and heterosexual, it's straight.

But here's the catch, if you identify as any LGBPT+ then it's not straight.

Two trans people in an m/f relationship is not straight passing.

Two bi people in an m/f is not straight passing, it's queer babes, it's in the name. If you're bi and your partner is like, straight, it's still queer from your side of the fence.

It's the 'pick a side' argument from another direction, this straight passing nonsense. Where you are villified by the straights if you have a same-sex relationship (or fetishised, let's be real, every part of the acronymn has it's own p*rn category aimed at straight people with a kink), and if you have a relationship with the opposite gendered person, the queer community gets cranky.

Two things:

1) Is this friend between 13 and 25? Bc they could still be working this out or being mentored by t*rfs, or had some bad info. IT could be jealousy or fear of being open where you live. Perhaps you could question what makes her say that; has she had a bad experience, or did someone say this to her. where are you Are you in america? are there snake wielding jesus warriors near you? Blink SOS if you need an escape route, child

2) Who wins when everyone in the queer community is divided and policing one another? Telling everyone off for dating this person or that person or not at all

I didn't get an invite to the big queer conference to make these decisions, so like, they're not valid. It's some pocket of internet active idiots who think they can speak for everyone.

What we need to do is stop pulling this bullshit on one another and get back to asking just why the fuck it's not okay for people who are perceived as not-straight or cis etc to hold hands in public.

There's a problem for every facet of the acronym, babes and dudes and theys. Lesbians are heavily sexualised by straight cis dudes. Gays are heavly fetisihed by straight cis women. to the point where even saying 'I'm gay' is considered to be an obscene, sexual act that you should not let children be exposed to.

And there's always someone from the opposite gender who thinks they 'are confused' or 'haven't met the right (gender) person yet', or 'they could fix them with their magic genitals' or mumbled religious nonsense. There's such intense stereotypes that people can't stand women who look butch, but also you can't 'really' be a lesbian unless you are' or gay men can't just be, like, a normal dude, instead of some flamboyant in-your-face charicature.

Of course people who match the stereotype exist, too. And they get no respect for fitting into the stereptypes either, it's just another reason for disrespect. There's no winning.

Bi's can't talk to anyone without hearing a question of a threesome come up or being attacked from either side for coice of partner.

Pans, same, but also kitchenware jokes. Both Bi and Pan are considered sluts and whores and can't decide or are going to cheat, etc. Or the 'you're being special snowflakes', 'choose a side', 'you're secretly gay and won't admit / you're secretly straight and want attention' etc.

Ace/Aro - everyone under this banner gets the whole 'you just haen't found the right person' or 'when you're older/you're a late bloomer' or 'how do you know?' or 'maybe you're straight/gay and haven't worked it out yet?' invalidating them completely and trying to push sex onto them. The queer community has always let Ace and Aro in under the Bi banner, and they are welcome. But the internet community, usually young people, are tearing each other to shreds over it lmao.

Chill.

Non-binary, trans, intersex. They have been here for ages, but people from one community try to destroy their credibility, despite them existing since humanity has. It's big on p*rn and fetish sites too, lot of straight dudes think these things are hot and sexy, but would spit on trans people in the street. Hypocrites (I mean, every second low-brow comedy movie out there makes a thai-l*dyb*y joke, and how it 'doesn't count' like yikes).

Nb has only just been recognised, which is funny bc society literally made up gender and the rules and pretended that was how its encoded in DNA lmao.

Transpeople have it bad though. Between the cis straights, the cis queer community (primarily t*rfs and those who fall for misinformation) and the fetishists, and the medical community who treats them like an illness rather than people. Like, they are afforded respect if they 'pass', but even then it's still an EW factor.

Transwomen are seen as 'men in dresses who want to break into women's spaces' and treated horrifically; assaults are very high. Transmen are seen as butch women, and 'gender tr*itors' by the Crazy Motherfuckers we mentioned before; their assaults are high. They're not considered Real People unless they meet the ridiculously high standards for each gender; unless they perform Right.

I remember, but did not understand at the time bc I recall i was little, that there was a gameshpw bachelorette style and there was a big twist. You know what the twist was? That the bachelorette they'd been dating and trying to win over... was trans. I don't think that she knew it would be the big twist, either; of the two men remaining, bother were angry and one might have been sick. Might be on youtube.

But like, that's funny to the non-queer community. They put a huge fucking target on this woman's back, put her in danger of being hurt, abused, killed, by anyone who watched it. By the men who she had 'lied to' as they chose to frame it, of their weird white american families who could have sought revenge. Like yikes.

And intersex people (called h*rmaphrodites for a long time even by medical personnel) were also a p*rn category and/or medical curiosity for centuries. Not to mention all the cases of parents who just went with 'make them a (specific gender)' if there was mixed presentation, at birth, and got mad at the kids for being like "Hey so, you flipped the coin wrong and I'm ___" even thought the potential for this was always on the cards.

And the parents often make a big messa bout how their baby ___ is dead and gone, even if they DO accept the person/child as who they really are. It's like, I get it they have changed but you didn't mourn their first haircut or lost baby tooth like this and that was change too, chill.

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Straight-passing is a projection and a weapon. Like, is it the people in the relationship's fault that society looks at the pair and decides they are m/f, straight and cis? Nah, it's what people are conditioned assume and that's on them.

We can't bring it into the queer spaces and keep perpetuating that shit, because it's nonsense. Queer people are dying in other countries and your friend wants to being smart-assed about the fact you hold hands with your nb datemate in public?

-

Nonsense. That's right up there with t*rfs and the gold-star bullshit that was going on for a few years there. Probs still is among the younger people lmaoooo.

'Passing priviledge' is a myth, and it is used to hurt people. Vulnerable people and those who need support / guidance and assistance from their queer communities more than ever. So try to talk to your friend or try The Whole Friend disposal services, either way, chill.

The real issue here is that any of us are at risk of a hate crime for daring to even show affection in public. That even in safe spaces, 'allies' and those wise enough not to be openly homo/trans/bi/pan/ace/aro/other phobic are still side-eyeing you and wanting to talk 'for you' without listening to the community itself.

We have bigger issues than this, and your friend (and some others on the internet) need to get a grip and prioritise.

[Insert strained analogy about being pro-child but childfree in a suburb where everyone got married out of high school and anticipates you and your partner will too, no matter how often you remind them No Thanks. But you babysat the other day and people thought you and your partner looked like 'naturals' when you took child to the park and played with them. And you remind them, hey, chill, we like kids too but it's not for us. And they get pissy and pushy.]

---------

I can only point it out from my perspective, I'm certain there other queer people from the above acronymn community who can present their thoughts on the matter to and what it means to them.

Thanks for the question, good-bi.

[imagine-loki]

Blushing in His Colours, Chapter 3

TITLE: Blushing in His Colours CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 3 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki being a Daddy Dom, his adores and loves his little, worships the ground she walks on. She has vaginismus, but he couldn’t be more supportive with her. RATING: M

When Loki saw Mia the following day, a blush instantly graced her cheeks, making him grin. He went over to her and kissed her cheek in greeting, making the others around them all ‘oooooo.’ He glared at them in return.

‘The date went well last night then?’ Clint asked with a smirk.

They were in the kitchen having breakfast before starting their day.

‘A gentleman never tells.’ Loki said as he held his head high.

Mia went to sort out her breakfast, unable to stop blushing at being the main focus of the conversation within the team.

‘You’re far from a gentleman.’ Stark snorted.

Loki narrowed his eyes at him and folded his arms over his chest. ‘I’d beg to differ.’

Mia had her back to the group as she poured milk into her cereal. But she did speak up. ‘Loki was the perfect gentleman last night. More than rest of you are, that’s for sure.’

Loki grinned and looked rather smug. The team all laughed.

‘Oh no, his mischievousness is already rubbing off on you.’ Tony said as he put his face in his hands, then he looked at Loki. ‘Do NOT corrupt our sweet and innocent Mia!’

When Mia turned around, she met Loki’s gaze and he winked at her with a mischievous smirk. ‘I am making no promises.’

Because Mia’s job was to keep up their social media appearance, it meant she was often right in the action. Taking pictures of the team ‘behind the scenes’ providing it didn’t compromise any mission, as the fans loved to see what the superheroes got up to at times.

So she found herself in the lab with Loki, Tony, Bruce, Fury and Vision. She was typing some stuff up on her laptop in the corner, Loki kept glancing in her direction, unable to stop looking at her.

‘Oi, stop staring at your new girlfriend and concentrate!’ Tony remarked as he tossed a pen at Loki, but with his quick reflexes Loki was able to catch the pen before it hit him, glaring at Tony.

Mia had heard and she couldn’t help the big smile that spread across her face. She tried to concentrate on her work though, even if she could feel the God’s eyes on her often.

Later on, Mia disappeared to get something to eat from the kitchen. When she returned, she had food and drinks for everyone. Including Loki’s favourite flavour of muffins that she had baked a few days ago. When Loki thought about it, she often went out of her way for other people, especially him. She always seemed to get his favourite drink or food and would always beam happily when he thanked her.

The following day Mia was down on the training floor on the benches, watching Thor, Steve, Natasha and Clint training. She was taking a few pictures and posting onto their media. She was thinking about heading off, but Loki entered the hall and she decided to stick around for a bit. Smiling like mad when he waved at her.

He had his full armour on, like Thor, and jumped in to start training. Everyone knew he was deliberately showing off because Mia was watching, even she knew. But she found it flattering, and was always impressed with his skills.

But he was caught unaware.

He had just tricked the rest of them using his illusions and pinned Thor down with a dagger at his throat. When he got up off Thor, he looked over to Mia. He winked at her and grinned, but that’s when he was blindsided by Natasha getting him in a headlock with her ridiculously strong thighs and knocking him down to the ground with a loud thud.

Thor, Clint and Steve all burst out laughing. Mia laughed too and put her hands over her mouth. Loki got up, rather flustered as he flicked his hair back from his face and wiped the dust from his arms. He looked over at Mia sheepishly.

He wandered over towards her as she gathered her things up and stood to meet him.

‘Impressive.’ She smiled up at him.

Loki chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. ‘Aside from the end.’

‘Still impressive. Not many would be able to get up unscathed from being taken down by Natasha.’

‘True. And I was a little distracted by something rather beautiful.’ Loki reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, then trailed his fingers along her jawline.

‘There’s uhm… the monthly Avengers interview coming up. I was wondering if you fancy doing it?’ She asked, giving him puppy dog eyes.

It was something new she had started doing, Tony was the first one last month. A small five-minute interview that Mia posted. Just to give fans a little personal insight into the team.

‘Of course. Give the fans who they really want.’ Loki smirked.

‘You do have quite the fanbase, actually.’ Mia laughed.

‘I do?’ Loki frowned, but was intrigued.

‘Oh yeah. They call themselves Loki’s army. Quite the army too.’ She grinned.

Loki titled his head, but he did look a little smug. ‘Well, they have good taste… Are you in my army?’ He raised an eyebrow.

Mia smirked, deciding to play a bit. Feeling brave again. ‘I dunno. Maybe I’m team Hulk.’ She shrugged.

Loki’s mouth parted in mock shock. ‘Well, I will need to work harder to get you on my team.’

‘Sooo… Is that a yes for the interview?’

‘Of course. Anything for you.’

-

Mia had asked Loki to meet her before breakfast the next morning in the living room, to do the interview. It would give her time to come up with some good questions.

But Loki decided he wanted to do the interview somewhere more private. So he went along to her room an hour before he was due to meet her.

He knocked and heard Mia call out to just come in. When he entered though, Mia was surprised to see it was Loki.

‘Loki! Hi.’ She stammered quickly, surprised.

Loki was also surprised, she was in her pyjamas. Light blue, with cute baby penguins on them. But his first thought was how adorable she looked, with her messy hair too.

‘Oh gosh! I was expecting Wanda. Sorry, I uh… Let me just get changed real quick.’ She said in fluster, practically sprinting into her bathroom.

Loki smiled and waited until she was dressed. That’s when his eyes were drawn to what she was watching. He was a little confused when he noticed it was on the cartoon channel. But he didn’t think overly much of it, until he then spotted something peeking out from underneath her pillow. Curious, he went over and had a look, it was a colouring book of Disney characters.

His first thought was, did she have a secret child here? But he shook that off, knowing it was ridiculous. He was slightly confused as to why she would have a colouring book. Then he just thought perhaps it was something she enjoyed doing in her down time.

Loki stepped away from her bed, just as Mia emerged from the bathroom. She was looking embarrassed as she stuffed her pyjamas away in a drawer.

‘Sorry… I uhm, should probably check who’s there first.’ She said sheepishly.

‘Not at all. I should’ve said it was me.’ Loki smiled and walked over to her, he rubbed her arm and then leaned down to kiss her on the lips, making her squeak a little and blush so hard. ‘I was rather hoping we could do the interview somewhere private? The others will be a distraction in the living room.’ He chuckled.

‘Yeah, sure. Where would you prefer?’ Mia asked, still slightly flustered from the innocent kiss.

Loki shrugged. ‘Here, if that suits you? Or we could go to my room if you’d rather?’ He asked.

‘Here is good.’ Mia nodded and went over to her desk, clearing some space.

During the interview, Loki couldn’t help but be besotted with her. It was a good excuse for him to be able to just stare at her without being called out on it from the others. He kept his flirting to a minimum, knowing this was going online.  

Mia managed to keep her cool when she asked him questions, she had set up a camera to film him so it was more personal for the fans. They went nuts over the first one with Tony, so she hoped this one would be an even bigger hit.

Once it was uploaded, Mia showed Loki some of the comments. His fangirls were going crazy over it. Especially when Mia had asked him what he thought about having a fanbase. He’d replied in a charming way, saying he appreciated having so much support.

He read one comment: Heck, Loki can rule over me any day! I would kneel for him without being told to!

‘Quite a few say similar. Your, uh, attempt at ruling Earth is all over Tumblr and YouTube. Many have made fan videos out of them.’ Mia said with a laugh.

‘Really? I thought everyone would have been repulsed by what I did.’

‘Not everyone. I mean, I’d kneel for you.’ Mia said without thinking as she shrugged. Then she realised what it was she had just said. Her eyes widened.

‘Oh, really?’ Loki growled a little, leaning down closer to her as he was stood behind her, while she sat on the chair at her desk.

Mia cleared her throat and tried to ignore the fact she had just openly admitted somewhat a fantasy to Loki and that his breath was hot against her neck.

‘This interview is already a huge hit, more so than Tony’s.’ She said to try and change the subject. But Loki spun her chair around so she had to face him as he put his hands on the arms and trapped her in.

‘No changing the subject, pet.’ He chuckled at her doe in the headlights look.

‘I… wasn’t… really… I just don’t know what to say after that.’ She blurted out nervously, her eyes skittishly moving all over his face, unsure on where to look.

But she was saved by the knock. Wanda had arrived, which Mia was slightly relieved for. Though she had a feeling Loki would try and bring it up again later.

He left the girls to it, heading back to his room.

His mind kept wandering to what he’d found in Mia’s room. Or what he’d seen. He went to his laptop and sat down, after thinking for a moment he went to google to see if he could find some answers.

After some researching, he wasn’t entirely sure how he ended up on a kink site. But there he was, reading all about a Daddy Dom/little dynamic.

Some of the characteristics of a little suited Mia to a T. It really got him wondering if she was in fact a little. He then realised that while thinking of her in this kind of way he was slightly aroused.

He looked through a Daddy Dom’s characteristics and was surprised to find he fit a lot of them. When he thought about it, being in that kind of relationship with Mia was very appealing to him. And he thought how it kind of made sense why one girl actually called him Daddy during sex once… Perhaps he just oozed Daddy Dom appeal, he thought smugly.

But he now had to figure out for certain if Mia was into this kind of thing… or if it was just a coincidence. He could of course just ask her outright, but he didn’t want to scare her off if that wasn’t something she was into. He wasn’t going to lie, now he knew about the subject more and had thought about it, he would be a bit disappointed if she wasn’t…

‘Hmm…’ He tapped his lower lip in thought, deciding how to proceed.

After a lot of mulling it over, he decided that trying to coax it out of her naturally was going to be his best route.

[jupitermelichios]

Smallville S2E21: Excelarate

Chloe functionally isn’t in this episode, and I’m 100% here for that. Long may it continue

Who decided that teen genre shows would all feature cinemas which show black and white horror movies? Why is that a thing?

We’re getting right into the plot with minimal bullshit this week – Lana is clearing up the cinema (we’re had multiple episodes about contracts involving the cinema, and this is the first time we’re actually seeing it) when the projector starts playing a home movie of Lana as a kid, and then the kid from the home movie just fucking teleports in and freaks her out. To be fair to the show, it’s actually a surprisingly effective horror bit. It would be more effective it is was happening to literally anyone other than Lana, but hey.

The not-ghost is in Lana’s bedroom now. Which would be spookier if anyone in this fucking town LOCKED THEIR FUCKING DOORS

Okay, so the little girl is Lana’s childhood best friend who drowned, and Lana has screaming nightmares about it. Hands up who thinks this trauma is ever going to be addressed again after this one specific episode?

Oooh, concept – youtube channel where professional stylish bastard Lionel Luthor does food criticism

Okay why is this, why is ‘Lana’s being fucking haunted’ the point at which Chloe draws the line? Insect men? Sure, everyone knows Amazonian tribes can do that. Shapeshifters? Obviously. Vampires? Totally a legit thing. Ghosts though? No way, that’s just fucking weird.

I need some context for how far it is from Granville to Smallville, because this small not a ghost apparently walked it no problems

Oh good, we’re like three scenes in and the meteor kid du jour has already murdered someone. Why does everyone in this fucking town turn to murder as their first option!

Why does no one in the show own an umbrella? Is the director just real into seeing Clark get all wet? Because I try not to kink shame, but that’s just weird.

I love that this kid decided the best way to reconnect with her old friend was to go full on Chucky

I know for a fact Smallville hospital has security, so why the fuck are people allowed to just wander in and out of patients hospital rooms? Especially when so many of them end up being there to kill someone!

“Who needs human friends when you could have a definitely haunted evil doll?” Learning some things about Lana today.

Lana and Clark are way too okay with finding creepy murder basements. I know that happens to them like once a month, but I really don’t feel like that’s something anyone should get used to.

Okay, I get why a mad scientist might want to clone his dead daughter. I get why he’d do it in a creepy murder basement. The thing I don’t get is why the fuck he gave her superspeed of all thing, speaking as someone who’s done a fair bit of babysitting in their life, that seems like the worst possible power to give to a nine year old.

Why the fuck is the not-ghost murder child sitting in a creepy rocking chair like she’s fucking sweet Audrina. Wait, little girl who’s not the same as a dead little girl but might be the same and she’s got a rocking chair and her dad is trying to force her to remember her childhood trauma… Oh fuck, Smallville was bad enough without bring VC Andrews into it. What’s next, a flowers in the attic episode? I guess incest is the one taboo they haven’t gone to bat for yet in this show.

Lex I love you, but if you don’t want people to think you’re a supervillain you really need to stop starting conversations with “all ethics aside…”

Okay, I can forgive Lana a little bit for her shit because she at least knows that if a child gives you a drawing you have to say you like it, even if the child is a murder-clone

“She’s got severe chromosomal damage, she has no concept of right or wrong.” What the fuck does that have to do with chromosomes, Smallville writers?! Could it be that maybe she has no morals because she’s three days old!

Oh wow, we’re two season in and it turns out Kristin Kruek can actually act? And I get why you wouldn’t bother with scripts of this calibre, but I can’t help feeling her career wouldn’t have had to go full on Legend of Chun Li if she’d just tried at least this much more often.

That might just be the worst fake CPR in the whole history of fake CPR, and that’s really saying something.

Holy shit, are actions having consequences? Are we getting… fallout? Someone official has actually noticed all the people who died in the white saviour prophesy caves, and yeah it took Lionel bribing them for their to be any action, but they did something! That’s a major step forward. I’m proud of you Kansas state government.

So every character arc in this episode can by summarised as “Bitch, get some got damned therapy!”. None of them are going to get any therapy.

Hey does anyone remember that episode of Buffy with the invisible girl, and at the end it turns out there’s a whole government department that recruits invisible kids as assassins? Yeah, that. Lionel is doing that. I should probably be less on board with that than I am, but honestly as the only person in this show who actually gets shit done, I’d rather Lionel had the evil superpowered clone army than, say, the government.

[timeisacephalopod]

Famine

Have some more of that Tony/ Stephen/ Peter YouTube AU for reasons lol.

“Wong is dead to me,” Stephen says and Peter rolls his eyes.

“He can’t be dead to you, we don’t know how to cook and he’s good,” he tells Stephen. “Also dead to you doesn’t mean dead to the rest of us. I still like Wong. Please come back from Nepal,” he says to the camera, almost pleading really.

Tony sighs. “We ran out of food three days ago and I feel like we’re living in a Mad Max dystopia type world where Stephen is Immortan Joe except instead of withholding water from us he tries to feed us his cooking as torture.”

Stephen gives him an offended look but he shouldn’t. Tony has never met a steak he won’t eat, he doesn’t even care if its shitty its good enough for him. Unless Stephen is the one who cooked it, then he’d rather risk chewing on a lion’s ass for sustenance.

“God, it is a dystopia over here. Wong, if you’re watching, please save us from Stephen and his attempts to cook,” Peter says, looking upset.

*

“That’s dumb, we’re not talking about that,” Peter mumbles.

“It was cute,” Tony says.

“No it wasn’t, but your discomfort with the subject is enough for me to remain interested,” Stephen tells him.

Peter gives him a dirty look, “oh fuck off, man. Why are you like this?”

Stephen shrugs delicately, “I’m sure I have no idea what you mean,” he says, nose in the air.

“Do so. But the point here is that you totally called mini Peter your son and that’s adorable,” Tony says.

“When did this even happen?” Stephen asks and honestly only he could live under a rock so much that he missed the entire social media frenzy about it. Buzzfeed wrote like five articles and Tony has to commend the company for managing to squeeze that much content out of a single line Peter said.

Tony looks over to Peter and he rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed but he goes with it. Probably because he’s mostly only fake annoyed. “I was doing an interview and the guy was a dick and he went to say some asshole shit about Peter, of the mini variety, so I uh...” he trails off and Tony rolls his eyes.

Of course he stops there. “So he snapped at the guy and told him not to talk about his son like that,” Tony says. “Which is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen.”

Stephen squints, “why do you like children and parent child bonds so much when you had horrible parents?” he asks. Peter smacks him for being an insensitive prick but Stephen ignores it, giving him a dirty look before turning back to Tony. “I’m just saying, children are messy, vial little beasts who scream and are more trouble than they’re worth. Especially with those insane disease spreading soccer moms who think their two hour YouTube search makes them more of an expert on vaccines than doctors and if you insist on turning your child into a biological weapon of warfare you keep that thing far away from society or vaccinate it,” he says, arms crossed in anger.

They pause for a beat and Tony sighs. “Children are not vial little beasts Stephen, they’re just little people.”

“No, little people have dwarfism. Children are the modern day rats.”

“That’s not fair to the kids Stephen, their parents are the rats, the kids are just the carriers,” Peter says.

Tony squints at him, “that’s the problem you found with that statement?”

Stephen considers him for a moment and sighs. “Fine, children aren’t the worst. That goes to idiot adults with no medical degrees and such a flimsy understanding of science that I’m surprised they aren’t flat earthers too.”

“Oh for gods sake how can anyone in this century be so fucking stupid! We have pictures of the earth from space! What more evidence do you need? And these morons, talking about how you can’t see the curve just looking at the earth- do you know how big this god damn planet is? Of course you can’t see the fucking curve-”

Peter cuts him off before he gets going, which might be for the best. “Yeah, can’t believe I’m saying this but uh. Back to me calling mini Peter my son,” he says somewhat awkwardly. “Before you two go off and bring up science shit only you and three other people know about.”

Tony opens his mouth to dispute that, considers, and then sighs. “Okay yeah, academia is a small world. There are definitely fields of study where its only five people yelling at each other. Anyway, children are not modern day rats that’s dehumanizing, flat earthers need to be shot to also round Mars, and Peter. Explain why you called other Peter your son. Because I’m curious.”

“I’m not,” Stephen says.

“Well no one asked your opinion,” Tony mumbles.

“I’m a third of this show so yes actually, you did. And children are absolutely modern day rats. Except the rats might actually be cleaner. We’ve seen the video of that rat showering and it probably scrubs better than any child washing their hands,” he says, nose wrinkled.

“I can see how much you want to dispute that but Tony you were a kid, I was a kid, Stephen was also a kid but probably a weirdly clean one- we all know how fucking gross we were. I don’t think I washed my hands after going to the bathroom till I was like seventeen,” he says and Stephen wrinkles his nose so hard his entire face wrinkles up as he leans heavily into Tony.

“I lied, its not children spreading disease like vermin, its people like you,” he says.

Peter rolls his eyes, “I obviously figured out washing my hands,” he says. “You’re being dramatic.”

Tony shakes his head, “oh he so isn’t. That’s disgusting, shit fingers.”

Stephen snorts and tries to avoid laughing but mostly fails at it. Peter squints, “dude, if I got actual ass shit on my hands obviously I washed them, I wasn’t out there with skid marks on my palms, Jesus.”

“Okay shit fingers,” Stephen says, causing him and Tony to start laughing.

“You know what, fuck you guys I’m going my son figure after this because he’s better than you two,” Peter mumbles.

“He won’t return your calls once he knows you’re obviously one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Hello, pestilence,” Stephen says.

“Oh give me a break, that’s total bullshit. Okay, you know what,” Peter says after a slight pause. “No, I will be pestilence and Stephen can be war because he can’t ever keep his god damn gate shut and has to start something about anything and he’s damn dramatic out of it too. Only war would consider haunting his roommate out of an apartment instead of moving like a normal person,” he says, nose in the air.

“What’s that make Tony then? Wouldn’t he be war?” Stephen asks and Tony rolls his eyes.

“No dipstick, I’d be death. You know, like the Merchant of Death,” he says, reminding Stephen of his past nickname. Absolutely not a point in his life that he’s proud of.

Stephen frowns. “Who’s famine?”

“Wong, because he left us here with your shit cooking, which you’re clearly using to try and starve us into war,” Peter tells him.

God, Tony didn’t think he’d ever find one person more dramatic than him let alone too. How does Rhodey deal with them all in a room? How does Pepper? “Peter Parker being your son,” Tony reminds them all, wrangling. Damn this is a wayward episode.

Peter sighs, “what? I like him. I don’t see why that needs further explanation.”

“I like Stephen, doesn’t mean I see him as my son,” Tony points out.

“I wouldn’t mind if you were my daddy,” Stephen has the gall to say with a straight face. Tony doesn’t even respond, he picks himself up and leaves the room without a word. “What was that for?” Stephen asks Peter.

“You brought up daddy kink to someone with daddy issues? The hell is wrong with you?” Peter asks.

“And here I thought the two of you wanted father figures,” Stephen says. “I’m also happy to play the role of daddy too,” he adds.

Poor Peter, he makes a gagging noise and flees the scene immediately. Stephen sits perched on the couch looking pleased with himself because he’s a bastard.

*

Tony sits in Peter’s lap with a back scratcher pointed at Stephen to keep him on the other end of the couch where he belongs. “We’ve decided,” Peter says, “that without Wong you’re not worth it. You try and kill us with food, you’re mean, and you brought up daddy kink. Actually, I think we’re just going to replace you with Wong.”

“He’s nice, and he knows how to cook, and he doesn’t bring up daddy kink,” Tony says. “All the things we need out of a person. And he’s funny,” he adds.

Stephen rolls his eyes. “You two are not ditching me for Wong,” he says, rolling his eyes.

Peter and Tony exchange a look. “Actually yeah, we are. We like Wong better.”

“Also, Wong isn’t disgustingly dirty. You think Peter is pestilence with your dirty ass habits? Fat chance,” Tony tells him. God they had no idea how much Wong did for them. The man is a blessing from a god Tony doesn’t even believe in.

“Hey, yeah, side note. When the hell did Wong move in with us?” Peter asks.

“Who cares, we’ve never encountered wet dirty underwear on a pillow until now  so we should just count Wong as a blessing,” Tony says.

“If you’re implying that I wet myself I most certainly did not,” Stephen says, irritated.

“Since you had just showered I assumed that wasn't the case, given that the whole bathroom turns into fucking water world whenever you’re in there. But thanks for that not at all reassuring statement, Stephen.”

“I didn’t know he managed to get water on the ceiling until now. Wong, please come back,” Peter pleads.

*

Gamora frowns, “you just left the guy there?” she asks.

“Look Gamora, he brought up daddy kink. He did this to himself,” Peter points out. “Plus the shoot isn’t that extensive. Couple days, he can suffer for that long.” Shorts aren’t that hard and he’s not even out of the city even if he totally didn't get permission to film in Central Park so he’s going to have to watch for cops and shit. But that seemed like work and its like, a two minute scene. They can do that fast probably. Like, not with lighting but whatever. Rocket can make it work in post.

“Where’s Tony?” she asks, predicting correctly that Tony’s also out of town.

“I think he went to Nepal to go get Wong back.” Peter hopes he succeeds because he is a savior in the dark and they haven’t been giving him enough credit. Or any credit, and that’s terrible. Wong needs to know that fifty percent of their love for Stephen was actually for him.

Gamora rolls her eyes. “I don’t get you three,” she mumbles.