#they need some age!! some wrinkle!!
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I miss their chin so much already ;â;
#owen talks#I took their shoes off bc they are not going to bed w armored heels on#they look kinda haunted but I know itâs bc of the crunchy lodestone images#I think Iâll boot up benchmark later and rotate them for exposure therapy#and ngl if Iâm really unhappy about the changes thereâs someone making pre-DT packs of the faces#so I could just. have them have a sculpt#Iâm still praying that itâs not as bad as it looks#yes I have fussed w features#tragically the jaw shape doesnât change the chin shape#and I canât change to any of the other faces bc they are not the eyrie vibe#face 1 is closer w the chin and I did mess around with it#but eveything else doesnât feel right#Iâm not like. screaming upset about it#as best it makes eyrie look very young which. is a meh vibe to me#they are 150 they are not going to look 25 right up until they die#they need some age!! some wrinkle!!#maybr Iâll find someone to fuss w their stiuf#at least so I can have their freckles + facial scars + light scars on their face#but that is a long ways off and I will sit w vanilla#they just got a really really nice nap#which like. wouldnât be unheard of for them#they go on a week long vacation on their island and sleep for like. 4 days
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my bougie dwarf LoF rook Tyarva and her sugar baby silly charming professor who she adores so very much <333
#dragon age#da:tv#dragon age veilguard#rook#emmrich volkarin#my art#spoilers in these tags sorry I need to ramble#HE!!!! UGH!! <3 I feel like emmy is the kind of romance candidate a lot of us always wished for but they were stuck in unromancable npc hel#him being so popular is extremely vindicating!!!!!! like yes gilf nation is only getting stronger#my only big gripe with his romance is everyone just assumes your Rook is a youngster#people with Rook's intentionally made to be in their 40's/50's with visible wrinkles/signs of aging being infantilized đ¤#anyway I'm happy to be drawing again... lets see how long that lasts :')#mayhaps some lich!emmrich stuff... I'm happy with the path I went with but let me tell you I MOURN what we could have had
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leon may be a cold-blooded thing who needs a heat lamp, but you know he'll be tits-out no matter what
was gonna be a sad post-vendetta era leon, ended up with old man whiskey dilf concept.
#resident evil#leon s kennedy#digital art#i love the design i came up with for his jacket#it's a mix of the re6 one + re4 + vendetta#he'd have a shitload of pockets down the chest for some reason and i was gonna draw it#until i decided he needed to be very cold#inspo: my walk this morning in ~ freezing temps#wimdy...#with as much stress as leon's been through he'd probably be more wrinkley and grey -> say 48 y/o but... maybe he'd be a lil smooth#his prettyboy ass + plaga influence or somethin lol#i'm fine with a lil bit of youthful/slow aging but damnit! the protags deserve greys and wrinkles!!!
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Old man yaoi
#Erenvahl#Just thinking about them growing old together :')#(or at least X'vahl getting a lot more visibly older)#p much just used his OG model for it lol#You can't tell in these really#but I also gave Erenville mythandral's face wrinkle mod#it's super subtle in these shots#but also he wouldn't be aging as quickly anyway.#I would have also changed their hair#but I decided to keep it the same for Brand Recognition:tm:#I need to redo the interior of X'vahl's house#but it's supposed to be the house they live in after they retire and settle down.#this was really just some off-the-cuff posing tho tbh
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#submission#baldur's gate 3#bg3#arnell hallowleaf#shadowheartâs father#bg3 smash or pass#smash or pass#poll#baldurs gate 3#baldurâs gate 3#bgiii#baldur's gate iii#marked as submission but he was on my list of characters before delving into the alphabetical#his wife by association but tbh it was him#ILL BE HONEST#I forget entirely but I think he inspired this blog#I saw him on like#a bg3 confessions blog#and I needed to know#I needed to know what the public consensus was#cause like#get that man some shampoo and I think weâre in business#elves get to have an incredibly long dilf period#heâs probably also yknow. aged by the incredible suffering for approximately 40 years#it ages a man. probably why he has more wrinkles than Halsin despite I donât think being older. I think that information is just unknown#halsin has had the bounty of nature for a while after his trauma. Arnell just got popped out of the supervillain ring arm prison#suffering eternally so his daughter could be more powerful#apparently I have Arnell Hallowleaf takes. I didnât know I had this in me
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lmao Iâm not even 32 yet and someone asked me when Iâm going to start coloring my grey hair. never, actually, itâs a condition. itâs called Pretty Boy Disease and itâs terminal. it just gets worse as I get older, I just keep getting more and more grey hairs until Iâm so hot people canât stand to look at me. make sure itâs an open-casket funeral, donât put me in the ground without getting a good eyeful bc I worked hard for these sultry little grey binches.
#god damn this society hates everything about being human at a base level#Iâm not old and grey hairs are just normal#Iâve had a grey patch since I was like 14#but like shut the fuck up also#throw the entire concept of being old out the window until youâre like fucking. 75+ and then get back to me#30 will be peak if you let it#in fact I feel better now than I ever did before#undo that conditioning that the 20s are the only fun times in your life or that youâre old past 25#itâs insane to me to see people hating wrinkles or average facial features and calling them old#when we literally are born with wrinkles and some of us have more dramatic creases even in our teens#American media especially just fetishizes this false idea of youthfulness#but anyway fuck everything and everyone who tells you to change yourself bc of your age#aging gracefully has nothing to do with coloring your hair and everything to do with treating yourself with kindness and loving your body#aging gracefully#thirty is not old#real shitposting hours#yâall need to do some introspection#and some self acceptance while youâre at it
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thereâs a lot more nuance to it than just this but I think toxic beauty standards wouldnât be quite as prevalent in society if people just accepted their mortality.
what I mean is that a lot - but not all! -Â toxic beauty standards are deeply rooted in the fear of aging and that fear of aging is deeply rooted in the inherent fear of death.
itâs normal to fear death but thatâs something that you are better off accepting will happen to you. but the way some people fear aging is truly damaging to peopleâs self image.
maybe you wouldnât be so obsessed with beauty if you stopped being cowards about death.
#toxic beauty standards#like I totally understand having a fear of dying because that's normal#but some of you really need to accept that death is something that is going to happen to you and everyone you love#you WILL grow old#you WILL die#and no amount of make up and plastic surgery and anti-wrinkle straws are going to stop that#there is nothing you can do to stop aging. literally NOTHING you can do about it#you WILL get wrinkles and gray hair and organ failure if you live long enough#the only way to not age is to die young#sorry for being mean but that anti-wrinkle straw made me realize just how pathetic some of you really are#again there is more to toxic beauty standards than just anti-aging but that's what I see a lot of#I want to reiterate that this post is about TOXIC beauty standards and is not directed at people who just enjoy make up as self expression
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Little kids: [begging their moms for collagen serums for some fucking reason]
Me, an adult: [praying at my bedside like a little kid in a Michael Landon production] âDear God, I ask you to please grant me bigger eye bags and get rid of anything cherubic in my face. Amen.â
#I have miniature eye bags and exactly two barely-visible forehead lines and you can pry them from my cold dead hands#I love skincare but fuck the skincare industry for giving these little babies body dysmorphia#Skincare should be about having healthy skin and smelling things; not about looking flawless or de-aging like wtf#YOU HAVE NO WRINKLES#YOUâRE NOT EVEN AT THE PART WHERE YOU GET ACNE#Good god#Get some tutti fruity lip balm some sunscreen and a tube of body butter that smells like strawberries.#Sugar scrub for after washing their hands because itâs fun and smells nice#Boom! Child skincare.#YOU DONâT NEED TONER THERE IS NOTHING TO TONE
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i know weâve seen stuff about the bsd charactersâ childhoods and stuff but whatâs happening with the current timeline? it feels like itâs been at least six months since bsd started and yet no one has aged⌠are they just pulling an ash ketchum? will dazai just be streaming 22 by taylor swift forever?
#correct me if someone has an actual timeline#but i feel like thereâs no way all this has happened in like. a week#this would mostly be sad because i would adore some middle aged ada canon content#getting wrinkles realising they actually need to think about their vitamins and diets and spf and all that jazz#and i also need q to have their bratty teenager phase#bsd#bungo stray dogs
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Save me skincare routine. Save me stupidly expensive skincare routine in tiny bottles
#so ya girl turned 28 three days ago and immediately had a midlife crisis#it didnât even take very long. i opened my eyes at 6:55am on the 8th and immediately started freaking out#okay i want to clarify something. itâs not that i feel a need to perform a certain level of femininity. itâs not even that i care about#my appearance that much. itâs just that for the first time in my life i look older than i feel#and i feel really weird about it actually! thatâs never happened for me before. all throughout my childhood i was told how mature and smart#i was; and i always felt like i knew it all. then something flipped when i got into my mid twenties#all of a sudden people started treating me like i knew stuff and was a functioning member of society. meanwhile iâm standing here#with like radio static in my head. iâve been an adult for 10 years now and i still feel like iâm floundering#but i look at myself in the mirror and i see: dark circles. wrinkles. dry skin. greying hair. horribly chapped lips. matronly body#i mean some of this is just genetic; iâve had dark circles since i was 15 and my dad went grey at 30#and none of this is actually Bad. (except for the chapped lips). and itâs not that i donât want to age. iâve never considered botox#or plastic surgery and i never will. i genuinely want to look my age. i just⌠iâm having a hard time because during my early to mid twenties#my skin always looked fantastic despite me doing NOTHING with it. i was literally washing it with cold water and then applying moisturiser#that was once a day at MOST. most of the time i didnât even do this. and mind you my âmoisturiserâ was a body lotion#i also used to exfoliate with st ives of all things like⌠can you believe#iâd always get asked for my skincare routine and iâd just be like âi just moisturise when it occurs to me đâ#but now the reckoning has come and iâm 28 and look like i got hit by a bus. haaaaaa#itâs just like. itâs not that i want to look 10 years younger. that would be bizarre. i donât even really want to get rid of my wrinkles#or all my blemishes. i just want to take better care of my skin so that it doesnât get inflamed and dry and break out all the time#and water + actual fucking LOTION isnât cutting it because ya girl is â¨28â¨#so iâm going to try cleansing balm; hyaluronic acid; facial moisturiser & spf. i think that seems reasonable#(yes i never wear sunscreen either. feel free to shoot me with a firing squad)#i just hope it works and none of the products make me break out. and also i stick to it#i tried to pick out some gentle products. so letâs just hope for the best i guess. i mean thereâs always room to switch things around#personal
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It isn't deranged! I love his crow's feet too. You can see wrinkles, but then when he smiles big you can see exactly where those wrinkles came from. I think we should all be happy to have evidence that we have smiled a lot.
My own deranged take is that I love his adam's apple. His neck and throat do it for me whether its baby Charlie or 90s Charlie and then the adam's apple bobbing around when he talks. Do I usually notice that in men? No. But for some reason with Charlie...
Well, now I've embarrassed myself but I'm still going to hit that ask button!
#this is probably the wrong way to phrase it#but I think Charlie has really beautiful imperfections#most of his wrinkles mark smile lines#a lot of his age spots seem to come from a little too much time in the sun (probably spent with shirley or the stones)#the way the downward curve of his eyebrow kind of faded with age but it just gave them a unique shape instead#not that I could ever imagine him doing it but Iâm glad Charlie didnât do plastic surgery or anything like that#anyway#you donât need to feel ashamed!#weâre all in the same (deranged) boat here#and at least we can comfort ourselves by saying none of us is quite as bad as some elderly musicians we know#the rolling stones#charlie watts#ask response#anonymous
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just thinking about ulaf and how the imperials told cassian âyouâve been deemed labor worthy so youâre going to narkina 5â and we know itâs a prison labor camp but the same mustâve been said to ulaf. but as we know, by the time we see ulaf, heâs an old man who seems to have joint pain and gets confused a lot and we can certainly argue that the last two points are brought on by the physical and mental stress of narkina 5 but the fact that the imperials saw this old man who (basing it on the actor, christopher fairbank) is nearing 70 years old and still deemed him labor worthy? had ulaf been in there far too long that he simply aged in there or were the imperials desperate for any labor that they saw an elderly man and looked him in his face and called him âlabor worthyâ? idk but still breaks my heart :/
#i donât think he was in there that long#bc cassian was locked up for#anti imperial activity which included some stuff i forgot#but pre pord it was originally six months as stated by the judge herself#and itâs most likely ulaf went in there before pord#so he mustâve idk did some Shit to age that much (from a guy who looked âlabor worthyâ to an elderly man with wrinkles and grey hair)#but idk he was always so fascinating to me but idk knowing the imperials#they probably just gave him some excuse as to why they needed the old man to do heavy labor for 12 hours every day#meta#ashla.txt#andor#ulaf
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Somebody needs to watch the fucking Lion King I guess
scrunching my face real hard rn
#wear and tear is natural as fuck sorry to say#like there is an abyss of difference between taking care of yourself and the anti-aging industry#one option is basic mantainance of a living organism like eating well and sleeping enough having a good time with friends etc the other#is not smiling so that you dont wrinkle#also remember that diabetes medicine that cured aging two weeks ago? turns out if you are jot diabetic all it does is throw your#digestive system off kilter#aging is natural there is not a single fucking thing on this earth that doesn't start to slow down over time#eternal growth is very unlikely and ppl need to face that in this lifetime they'll grow old#even machines eventually stop working properly#and while we are on the topic believing that aging strips you of value is way more nazi than saying you'll die some day#because the first is a basis for eugenics and the second is just how life works
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#tag talk#many fifty year old trans women have the same problem as fifty year old cis women.#namely: you can't wear makeup like you did when you were twenty-five#like. idk I'm in the middle of processing ideas about fashion and appearance and makeup so I'm noticing it more.#and there's a very specific look on women who don't realize that they need to update their fashion as their body ages#because you do not look the same as you used to. your body has different physics than it used to#and you can't just fill wrinkles with foundation.#when the makeup doesn't match the rest of your face it just stands out.#you know those old women who end up with really jagged lipstick and super poorly done eyebrows?#because they just don't have the hand stability to do it neatly like they used to?#it's similar.#anyway thoughts about makeup and lipstick and how you can't just put on red lipstick and assume everyone will call you ma'am.#it's not a magic charm it's not a spell it's not the secret pass to everything.#I wish I could sit down some of the people I meet at work and talk about this shit but best I can do it be polite and kind and wish.
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Pairing: lawyer!Jaehyun x divorcĂŠe!reader
Genre: age gap, drama, romance, smut
Word Count: 24k
Summary: Jaehyun has a ruthless, cruel and not so legal way of getting his clients everything they want out of their divorce. After all, to do the job right, a lawyer like him is not supposed to believe something like 'love' exists in the first place. That is until he meets his next client who also has a not so legal way of creeping right into his heart and make him question all his morals.
A/N: Man, I miss Jaehyun :( D-541
âI want to divorce my husband.â
Jaehyun hadnât spared you, the young woman who had been following him since the lobby, a single glance, purposefully ignoring every word you were trying to direct at him as he walked hurriedly and steadily to the elevators.Â
He was already running late that morning thanks to a fight with the parking attendant since apparently, his permission for the parkade had run out last night. And now, an annoying woman blocking the elevator doors after he had gotten in and hindering Jaehyun from reaching his officeâs floor was a bit of a stretch at this ungodly hour. Eventually, he couldnât ignore your existence anymore.Â
âMove,â he demanded, annoyed.
âI wonât,â you objected.
Pressing the âcloseâ-button over and over again, Jaehyun rolled his eyes at your perseverance as not even the heavy doors hitting your arms could chase you away. He stared at you, observing the persistence mirrored in your eyes as you pushed the doors aside again. He silently gave you credit for that.
âI want to divorce my husband,â you said again. âAnd I need you to successfully do so!â
Jaehyun let his eyes wander as you had piqued his interest ultimately. Your stubborn spirit reminded him a little bit of himself. But only a little bit. He examined you thoroughly. You were dressed elegantly in a pencil skirt, blouse and high heels. No wrinkles in your clothes, hair tidily pulled out of your face, not a strand out of order. You dressed like the average woman approaching him for his help: trophy wives in their thirties up to fifties, trapped in a marriage that was falling apart for always one and the same reason,
the lack of love.
In these kinds of marriages, mutual love rarely existed anymore. It was the same pattern again and again: The woman went blindly and head over heels in love into the marriage and throughout time, got frustrated with their lives as their marriage turned out entirely different from what they had imagined. The husband was almost never at home, business was always more important, and rarely did a case not involve cheating.Â
A person who had once been a naive woman in love had usually changed into a vengeful wife who wanted to take her husband to the cleaners by the time they consulted Jaehyunâs law firm. After all, they didnât believe in love anymore, and that was why his job was so easy, and even a little bit of fun.
But there was one difference that made you stand out significantly from all of his past clients, Jaehyun silently remarked to himself as his gaze stopped on your face: You were young. So, so young.
âDivorce your husband?â he repeated your words. âArenât you too young to be married for long enough yet?â
Your expression darkened, but he took it as a challenge. It wouldnât be the first time he clashed with a potential client. As a matter of fact, it wouldnât be a successful case for him if his client wouldnât start hating him at some point - and then preaching him to the heavens when he got them all they had asked for in the process, and more.
âDo you want this case or not?â you retorted. âI promise, you wonât regret it.â
Jaehyun raised a brow. Straightforward and witty. He hadnât expected that from an early twenty-something. Perhaps, he should pay weight to your words, the fact that he wouldnât regret it. Judging by your age alone, there was surely more to the story, and he was curious to get under the surface of it all.
Jaehyun removed his hand from the âcloseâ-button while simultaneously a moment of relief flashed through his face - along with a grin.Â
The door stayed open as he asked, âHow long have you been married for?â
âTwo and a half years.â
That was nothing.
âIs there a prenup?â
âYes.â
As always.
âWhatâs your husbandâs name?â
You hesitated.
In a lot of cases, Jaehyun knew his clientâs spouses just by their name. Wives of CEOs, chairmen, actors, doctors, politicians, investors ⌠they all came to him.
âKang Seungmin.â
Jaehyun almost visibly took in an exasperated breather.
âKang Seungmin who is related to the Aewha Group?â
You nodded. âHis older brother is the CEO.â
Pause.
âBe here tomorrow, 8am.â
____
You remembered the day you got married like it was yesterday.Â
You werenât wearing your dream wedding dress.Â
Your dress was a designer that your husbandâs mother had picked out. It had been too voluminous, too heavy, and it hadnât suited your style at all. Your makeup had made it hard for you to recognize yourself and they had put too many extensions in your hair. But that was what they had wanted you to look like - and you had complied.
It wasnât your dream wedding venue.Â
It had taken place at the Shilla Hotel and you hadnât had any say in the decoration, it was all white and beige when you had wanted sprinkles of purple, your favorite color. The cake was vanilla flavored when you had wanted blueberry, and the program had involved a choir, not a band. But that was what they had wanted the reception to be like - and you had complied.
Your friends and family werenât there.Â
You hadnât known a single person at the wedding except for your future husbandâs family. When you had been sitting there, feeling lonely and left out, there was no one you could have turned to, no familiar and friendly face. Your guests were all only business partners and your new familyâs friends - and you had complied.
You had never felt so lonely in your life like on the day that was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. But you had complied with everything, because you had been so, so in love.
And what was left of that now?
âSo, Mrs. Kang,â Mr. Jeong started the next morning after you had appeared in front of his office at 8am sharp. âAfter you have filled out all the information about you and your husband, I just want to know one thingâŚâ
âWhich isâŚ?â
You hoped he didnât notice how you kept your shaking legs in place with your palms pressing on top of your thighs. You knew exactly what was coming and you were prepared for that, but it always made you nervous, regardless of how many times someone would bring this topic up. And it happened almost every time.
âWhat is it that youâre after?â
You were confused. That wasnât what you had expected. âPardon me?â
The lawyer took off his glasses with which he had previously read through your information carefully and put them next to him on the desk. Then, he propped his elbows against the table and leaned in to you. It was very intimidating as if he wanted to look straight into your soul to detect every lie that could possibly pass your lips.
But there was nothing for you to lie about.
âWhat do you want out of this marriage, Mrs. Kang?â he carefully elaborated. âMoney? The house? Company shares? I can get you everything.â
âIn all honesty, Mr. Jeong,â you admitted, âI donât want any of his money, belongings, mansions and company shares. I just want to get out of this marriage and never be involved with this family again. Thatâs all I want.â
He let out a long sigh and closed the file with your information.
âAre you⌠done?â you asked.
âYes. With you.â
âExcuse me?â
âYou donât want anything? No money, no mansions, no company shares? Then, where is the thrill? What do you need me for?â The lawyer leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms behind his head. âI think itâs better for you to look for another lawyer.â
âHis material possessions were not the reason I was trying to find consultation with you.â You stayed calm and didnât want to get irritated by his change in demeanor. âI grew up wealthy already, Mr. Jeong. Iâm not dependent on his money. When I turned eighteen, I inherited the trust fund my parents had opened up for me the day I was born. Itâs enough to live comfortably until⌠well, the end of my days.â
âSo, you are two wealthy people who have married and you donât want to take anything from him just out of spite. According to the law, the trust fund still rightfully belongs to you as it had been handed over to you prior to your marriage.â If he was confused by your statement, then he didnât let it slip. âSo, what is it that makes divorcing him so difficult then, Mrs. Kang? What is it that youâre after, exactly? I know there is something after all.â
âItâs not what Iâm after. Itâs what he is after.â You reached down to your bag, pulling out a file that you then attentively placed on the lawyerâs desk. âHere is a copy of my prenup. Please open page 35. I highlighted the most important parts.â
He put back on his glasses and opened the documents at the respective page. You visibly saw his brows furrow at the paragraph that you had pointed out.
âSo, itâs the other way around. In case of a divorce, itâs not him who will lose everything,â the lawyer concluded. âBut you will lose everything, and it will be all transcribed to him. Your trust fund money, your possessions, everything from before your marriage evenâŚâ He stilled. âJust⌠everything.â
âExactly.â
âIâm sorry Mrs. Kang, butâŚâ He looked at you in utter disbelief. And the worst thing was that you couldnât even blame him. You were very ashamed of yourself, too. âHow could you have even signed this in the first place? I have never seen a prenup like this in my entire career. But then again, I've only been practicing in my own law firm for a short few yearsâŚ.â
He was straightforward with a certain sharpness lying on his tongue that tended to take a derogatory way at times. This lawyer had surely seen so much already, but according to his words, this must just be an entire new level of naiveness he hadnât encountered ever before.
âI was young and in love.âÂ
There was certainly no other explanation you wanted to give him yet, even though he was looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to elaborate the decision and specifically the situation you had been in when signing this agreement. But again, you had to disappoint him. You would have still signed the papers if the circumstances had been different, you were certain of that. Why would it matter if you left out an additional reason?
The lawyer let out a long sigh. It was like you could hear his thoughts in your own mind: Such a naive, stupid girl, getting married so young and signing away all her rights just to be with a powerful man forever, out of blinded love. You endured it like so many other things in your life.
âLove.â He snorted, confirming your thoughts, and closed the marriage contract with a thud. âItâs absolutely good for nothing. You clients prove it to me every time.â
You tilted your head. âJust because Iâm getting divorced doesnât mean I donât believe in love anymore, Mr. Jeong. Those are two very different things.â
âIâm aware of the fact that my clients almost all get married out of love like you,â he corrected himself strictly and made his standpoint clear to you. âNow, wanting a divorce from the person who you once had such strong feelings for⌠how can you still believe in something that has failed you so thoroughly?â
âBut love hasnât failed me,â you objected. âItâs the person who failed me. And just because that certain man has let me down, doesnât mean someone else will, too. There is not only one person in the world to love. Iâm not going to say I hate all men and will never meet someone I can open myself up to again, Mr. Jeong. I suppose thatâs what the majority of people who come here say to you, am I right? But I wonât. There are people in their fifties finding love all over again, so if I have to wait another thirty years just to experience the same, I will willingly do so. I will never give up hope, I wonât let spite devour me whole. I will wait for my time to come.â
He had fallen into silence and his gaze was impenetrable while you kept talking and eventually came to an end. The Lawyer was either baffled by your naivete once again, or you had sincerely taken him by surprise and the usually so witty man for once, since your meeting, didnât know what to reply.
âYouâre so full of positivity, Mrs. Kang, it almost makes me feel sick. Where is your anger, your vengefulness?â he eventually responded, and you felt a wave of disappointment wash over you. âBut since you donât seem to have my clientsâ usual bitterness and grimness to drive by, we will rely on your insolent positivity to win this case. Or stupidness, depending on how you view your case.â
You had never been so subtly attacked and complimented at the same time, but since it was coming from the ruthless attorney himself, you put more weight on the latter. âWhatever works for me, I guess.â
He folded his forearms on the table and leaned forward, closer to you, narrowing his eyes before he almost whispered, âBut there is one thing I always demand from my clients to win a case and my trust eventually. Without this certain thing, you will lose both.â
You inhaled deeply in expectation. âAnd that isâŚ?â
âThe entire truth.â The response was so simple, but you sensed there was more depth in it. âIf I ask you something, youâre going to tell me the truth. You cannot conceal or hide anything. There cannot be a detail that you consider too irrelevant or something that you consider too embarrassing to tell me. You will tell me everything I ask for and not ask for, are we clear?â
At this moment, you felt like he was staring right into your soul, marking this a make it or break it point for your business relationship. If you lied, would he be able to detect right away? Or was he bluffing and only wanted to intimidate you? Had he already sensed that you had left out an important aspect in your marriage?
âWe are very much clear.â
A grin flashed across his face, making you frown. âVery well. Then I need you to do the exact opposite.âÂ
âThe opposite? Then⌠I should lie?â
âExactly. And please donât hit me with the âI cannot lie, Iâm a sincere person, I cannot hurt someoneâ bullshit. We donât do that here. In order to win what you want, you have to play dirty. Be honest with me, but when I need you to lie and do reprehensible things, you have to comply. Do you think you can do this, little miss sunshine? Or are we way too sincere and positive for that?â
âIâm sorry, if you mean playing dirty do yo-â
âCan you do that?â he interrupted you. âThis is the only thing I need to know. Can you play dirty when I need you to?â
This shouldnât surprise you. Deep down, you had always known what kind of lawyer he was. Everyone knew. That was why you had eventually seeked out for him. You couldnât win this case on your own or with any lawyer, it had to be him. You had tried so hard and had approached not only attorneys in this city, but all over the country - to no avail.
This lawyer was your last resort, and never had you thought you would go this far. But if you had to lie and play dirty if asked to break free from your golden cage, then that was what you were going to do.
If you had to play dirty to see your family again, then you would do so.
You gulped, but still brought out, âI can do that.â
Even though it came reluctantly, he still believed you and said with a satisfied smile, âVery well, maâam.â
_____
âSo, this is the golden cage that youâre always referring to.â Your lawyer stood in the lobby, inspecting the entrance location. âInteresting.â
It was an odd sight for you - to have your divorce lawyer, who was technically still a stranger even after meeting a few times in his firm, in the home that you were sharing with your husband. But then again, in these two and a half years here together, your house had always been filled with only strangers and people you werenât fond of, so this wasnât quite a new experience.
Your home was a multistory penthouse in a high rise building in one the cityâs wealthiest neighborhood, because another quarter was a degradation for your husbandâs familyâs status. It was all too modernly and minimalistically designed with no touch of personal memories in the form of pictures or belongings. The furniture was too clean, the art too abstract, the rooms too empty. It had always felt more like a museum rather than a home for you - grand, impressive and utterly overwhelming.
You had spent days endlessly wandering between the floors and looking out of the gigantic window across the river out of which one side of the penthouse was entirely crafted, spanning over two levels. This was the only thing you liked about your home as it was easier to dream yourself away while watching the sunset. Many times, you had imagined living on the other side of the river, too. Where it wasnât all filled with stuck up millionaires, people too focused on changing their appearances and overall shallowness.
You had tried so hard to connect with this life, but even though you had grown up wealthily on this side of the river as well, there was one thing you were missing but had been showered with all throughout your childhood right until your marriage: love, comfort, warmth.
âI wonder how much this is?â
Your lawyer had picked up an ornate porcelain vase from the side table and threw it into the air. Your heart nearly stopped as you watched the decor flying off and gasped. Reaching out your hands, you tried to catch the vase yourself, but a moment later, it was landing safely in your lawyerâs hands again, who then turned to you, grinning.
âI guess it's very expensive,â he concluded.
You yanked the vase out of his hands and returned it to where it belonged. âDonât do that again! This decor is finely picked out by my in-laws, and if there is only one vase slightly out of arrangement or one single statue looking in the wrong direction when they come over - which is almost every day - hell will break loose.â
He threw his head back and laughed. âThatâs exactly what I imagined after what you told me about them. How can someone endure living here anyway?â
âIâm tougher than you think, Mr. Jeong.â
âHm.â His eyes then fell on your appearance and scanned you up and down. âAt first glance, you look like you totally belong here with your pantsuit and perfectly styled hair.â
âJust because I look like I belong here, doesnât mean I do, Mr. Jeong.â
âWise words for someone so young who doesnât always make wise decisions, maâam.â
You exhaled deeply. âCan we get over this as quickly as possible? You came here for a reason, right? Letâs get seated on the living room and-â
âSeats wonât be necessary,â he waved off. âYou have to show me around your home.â
âAnd why would I have to do that?â
âYour husband is overseas on a business trip youâve said, and I have to get a picture of the physical possessions, with how much money weâre dealing with apart from bank accounts, shares and all that stuff.â
âI see, that makes sense. But nothing here belongs to me, though.â
âThatâs even better.â He turned around. âWhich room is that?â
âThe living room.â
âGreat. Letâs start there.â Your lawyer entered the area as though he knew the place by heart while questioning, âYou mentioned your in-laws visit here every day, Mrs. Kang?â
âAlmost,â you partially affirmed while following him. âI guess they canât let go of their son⌠and their need to control me.â
âWhat would they need to control about you? Are you somehow involved in their business?â
Your lawyer looked around in the gigantic living room that faced the panorama window reaching from the ground to the ceiling on the second floor. The sofa was placed in the middle of the area, right in a pit that was accessible by two steps built into the ground, encircling a marble coffee table probably worth a single-family house. Right next to it was a billiard table, most likely valuable just as much. This was going to be a very long evening, considering the inventory and the prices.
âIâm not involved in their business, Mr. Jeong.â You paused for a short while, invisible struggling with something inwardly. But you came to the conclusion that if you couldnât tell your attorney, who then? âIn fact, Iâm secretly building my own one.â
âOh?â He raised a brow. âWhich kind of business?â
You remained silent for a few moments until he shifted to you and looked at you with inquiring eyes. âA bridal shop.â
You had already prepared a few witty responses, because whenever you told people about your business idea, they started laughing at you. Especially your in-laws. They had laughed at you so hard and shrugged your idea off immediately that you had never brought it up to them ever again. And your husband? He hadnât even acknowledged it. You were not allowed to work in this marriage anyway.
That was why you almost desperately needed to win this case and all your money back - to fulfill your dream and reunite with your family. You could do that. That was how much you believed in yourself. Just nobody else ever did.
âSo you like wedding dresses, maâam?â your lawyer asked almost in passing, but there was no mocking undertone in his voice. âSomehow very ironic for someone whoâs filing for divorce, donât you think?â
âItâs my passion, Mr. Jeong.â
âHow come?â
âI told you I will always have hope and I will always believe in love. Thatâs what I want to pass on as a message to someone like me. Someone who has found the love of their life, no matter for the first, second or third time, someone full of hope and brightness. Just because you havenât experienced it yet or because one love has ended, doesnât mean youâll never experience this special kind of connection ever. It makes me happy to be part of something so significant. It keeps me going, it keeps me⌠hopeful, you know.â
âSo you want to be part of other peopleâs special day to keep the thought alive that one day, you will still find the love of your life?âÂ
You clicked your tongue over the fact that everything coming out of his mouth sounded so⌠negative. âIf you want to put it like this⌠I rather see it as an opportunity to share your happiness with equal minded people.â
âWhy wedding dresses and not flowers then? Isnât it more fulfilling to bring joy to peopleâs everyday life with flowers they give someone else most of the time?â
��Youâre right, Mr. Jeong.â You smiled as you did not disagree with each other on this topic. âBut my mother is a fashion designer and my father is an art dealer, so thatâs the natural trajectory of my life. I love fashion, even if it doesnât look like it. But there is only very little you can experiment with style-wise when all eyes are on you and you have to keep up a certain reputation according to your in-laws. I hide a lot of pent-up creativity not many people know of.â
âOh, who would have guessed youâre not always all pantsuits and pencil skirts, Mrs. Kang.â He shrugged. âSo you truly believe in it?â
âIn what?â
âIn love that lasts a lifetime.â
âAs I said, Mr. Jeong⌠if we cease to believe in love⌠what is there to live for?â
"Wealth. Popularity. Freedom. Fun.â He snickered, but not in a way in which he made fun of you. He was more impressed by his own funny answer.
âBut you have no one to share this with. Doesnât your happiness then only last for so long?â
âOh, I do have people to share this all with. Just because finding love is not my priority doesnât mean I donât enjoy the company of beautiful women.â
You let out a deep sigh, but he shrugged your reaction off. Despite that, you had ended the topic on a good note, because for the very first time ever, you were allowed to talk about your passion without getting cut off immediately.
By that time, you had already arrived at the kitchen. It was an impressively wide, open room made of expensive white marble which appeared unused for ages as it was spotless and shiny. As a matter of fact, just as it appeared, it was never used by anyone in this family - that much was true. This kitchen functioned only as a showroom when the family had guests over to lay out the appetizers and the buffet.
âSo you have people who cook for you?â your lawyer concluded.
âItâs a personal cook that has gotten hired, yes.â
He shook his head in disbelief. âMust be nice being rich, having people cook and clean for you every day.â
âTrust me, Mr. Jeong,â you opposed, âitâs not all that.â
You both then continued on to the second floor, and you could see him turning more and more impressed with the fact how your house was furnished. Not only the first floor was luxurious, but every other room as well. If there was something touching the ground or the walls, one could be sure that its worth came at least close to a small car, from furniture to decoration.
âDo you have to go in there?â you pressed through gritted teeth, and your lawyer rolled his eyes as you both stood in front of the closed master bedroom. âItâs a private area and there is not much inside.â
âUnless you have some secret toys lying out in the open, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all know whatâs going on in bedrooms, donât we, Mrs. Kang?â
He grinned, unaware of the fact that there hadnât been something going on in this bedroom for at least a year already. You also suppressed a gasp about his unhinged comment that was not very gentleman-like. But you also werenât surprised your divorce lawyer, who always told you to play dirty, would leave dirty comments as well. You would just ignore them like the lady you got trained to represent.
âI guess youâre not sharing the bedroom anymore?â your lawyer asked as he wandered around in your private chamber after having opened the space.
âWhat has this got anything to do with my divorce?â you wanted to know, slightly enraged.
âA lot. If you can confirm that you havenât shared a bed in quite a time, itâs easier to believe that your marriage has been in the shambles for so long and not a decision simply made overnight.â
âDivorce is never a decision simply made overnight, Mr. Jeong,â you clarified, but he corrected you instantly,Â
âI didnât mean it that way, Mrs. Kang. You will wonder how many clients come to me directly the day after they caught their partner cheating and change their minds to return to them a few days later. I want to know how serious you are and that itâs not a decision made on an impulse.â
âI donât love my husband anymore, Mr. Jeong. Isnât my tone sincere enough, my expression when I talk about my failed marriage? The fact I go through these lengths at my age?â Your voice got louder and louder, but he didnât interfere. âBut if you need to know about that part of my life too, then yes, I can confirm that my husband and I havenât shared this bed for a little over a year already as heâs sleeping in his office.â
âRelax, okay?â he comforted you as you had ended your speech. âI was only asking.â
You dropped your head, suddenly ashamed of your slight blow up. âIâm sorry. Thatâs not⌠Iâm usually not like this.â
âDonât worry about it. Itâs normal to feel all these emotions going through a divorce. Sometimes, you need a ventil. It wonât be the last time that you talk to me like that, so let it all out. Youâll be surprised how much it helps.â
He was right, you thought to yourself, feeling a little bit lighter around your chest. But to your disadvantage, you bathed in that moment for a second too long and missed your lawyer opening another door in your bedroom of which he had probably assumed was your walk-in-closet.
âNo, don-â
You stretched out your hand and wanted to reach him, but you werenât fast enough and could only watch the door swing open, revealing a small room next to the bedroom that was certainly too spacious to only be a closet.
Instead, what he found in the room was a crib by the window where dim light was making its way through half-closed curtains. A light shade of yellow had been chosen for the tapestry, matching the beige carpet while the remaining furniture such as the changing unit and the crib itself were white. A few pictures on the walls added a playful undertone to the room, but that was it.
âI was only allowed to choose the pictures,â you explained recently as you slowly approached him. âThey are sunflowers in different shapes. You know what sunflowers stand for?â You smiled meekly. âThey stand for happiness and joy. This room should have brought me happiness and joy, but instead, it gave me years of sadness.â
He didnât ask. Perhaps, he could figure it out himself as you had neither mentioned nor brought a child to your appointments with him. If not, then he sensed it wasnât the right time to push the topic just yet.
âLetâs go,â your lawyer eventually exclaimed and closed the door behind him. âLetâs make your living room a bit messy when I unpack my laptop and we note down the cost of every item in here. Thatâs gonna be fun!â
He sometimes came off as rude and uncouth, but he knew when to stop talking.
_____
âWhatâs that?â You unpacked the plastic bag in front of you and pulled out a black long sleeve, black pants, black sneakers and a black beanie as you unsuccessfully attempted to crack a joke, âWere black clothes on sale today?â
âThose are your clothes for tonight.â
âIf you haven't noticed yet, Mr. JeongâŚâ You looked down on yourself. âMy style is classic, elegant. Not streetstyle, not coquette, or whatever this is. Iâm still representing the family I married into and cannot wear this.â
âIâm sorry, but black cashmere sweaters were not on sale today, maâam,â your lawyer said, and as you drew a closer look at him, you noticed that he was dressed all in black already too, and not in his usual suit, but more casual, even wearing a beanie himself. âNow undress and change into the clothes that I brought.â
âWhat would I wear this for?â You lifted up your hands and pulled up the pants. You usually never wore pants. âWhere are we going? To the club? I donât go to clubs.â
âNo, weâre going to your house.â
âAnd why would we need these clothes if weâre going there?â
Somehow, you sensed you wouldnât like the answer at all. âBecause weâre going to rob you.â
âI- I donât understand. Robbing⌠me? My home? While Iâm there?â
âNo.â Your lawyer came over to you, took the beanie out of the bag and then put it on your own head. He pulled the ends down into your face, messing up your slick bun so that a few strands stuck into your forehead. âFits you perfectly.â
âDo you meanâŚâ
The corners of his lips tilted up. âExactly. Youâre going to rob your own house.â
âAre you nuts?!â
âMaâam, these words out of your mouth?â He snickered. âChange into the new clothes and then we can go.â
âWhat should this be good for?â
âIt sounds cliche, but you really canât see people who dress in black in the dark very clearly.â
âNo, I mean robbing my home. What should that be good for?â
âAh, that.â He scratched the back of his head. âWhen there is nothing of value in the house, then there are no items to fight over, hence less work for us. You said you didnât care about his possessions, right? Then he wonât have anything left in the morning. Weâre only going to grab jewelry and this kind of stuff for you to keep or sell. Just out of spite.â
You gasped in shock. âThatâs illegal! Iâm pretty sure thatâs even a crime!â
âI can guarantee you,â he confirmed, âthis is a crime on paper. Remember you told me you could play dirty?â
When you had agreed on playing dirty when it was needed, you had hoped that it was only a formality, that he was exaggerating or just wanted to test your willpower. You had never expected you both standing in front of your dark home in the middle of the night, dressed up as robbers just to do exactly that: commit a robbery.
With your arms crossed to hide your shaking limbs, you looked around nervously, sending a quick prayer to the heavens. Even though you lived on the highest floor and had used several backdoors through the building so that no one would know you had even entered in the first place, you still felt the risk of getting caught any second.
âThis doesnât help me at all,â your lawyer complained while handling the entrance door with different tools that made noises and left traces a little too obvious for your liking.Â
âThere is CCTV everywhere here and you just ruined the doorâs frame,â you whispered in agony. âWhen my husband reports the robbery, they will check the time and date and then see us somewhere!â
âDo you think itâs my first time doing this?â he answered calmly while the door then opened smoothly with almost no sound. You furrowed your brows in question and wondered. Wasnât the alarm supposed to go off? With a smug smile, your lawyer arose from his position and pushed the door entirely open. âOf course I had let the entire grid be turned off.â
You blinked in confusion. âHow?â
âAgain, youâll wonder how far one comes in this country with just a little bribery.â
âThatâs not very ethical,â you chided.
âYou know whatâs not ethical either?â He locked eyes with you. âYour husband taking all the money thatâs legally yours from before your marriage, leaving you with no seed capital to start anew, with no prospects. Yes, itâs in the prenup, but what gives him the right to rob you like that just because itâs written on some piece of paper? Maâam, the world is not a fair place,â he said confidently. âSometimes, you just have to accept that. So, letâs go on a robbery.â
Your eyes narrowed, your nervosity completely wiped by now. âLetâs start with his office on the ground floor. I know he has some very expensive jewelry stored openly in there.â
Your lawyerâs grin widened. âPerfect.â
He had destroyed the door in a way that carried evidence of forced entry for the police investigation. On your way to the suggested room, you moved through the living area as well, and your lawyer had made it his mission to throw over some chairs and a small side table that had once carried some valuable crystal figurines that your mother in law liked to collect. They then all laid shattered on the floor.
âThat was crystal!â you cried out. âDo you know how much it was worth? That was not necessary!â
âWeâre on a robbery, not on a shopping trip at Tiffanyâs,â he groaned. âDo robbers look like they care about some figurines? They come in a hurry and take everything valuable they can get in a short amount of time. They want the big stuff, gold, silver, money, jewelry⌠they donât care for porcelain, vases⌠or whatever this was, things that are too big and break easily. Remember, weâre robbers, we have to make it look like we donât care. Now, show me where he keeps his valuables stored.â
âThere is way too much valuable stuff. How are we supposed to carry all of it?â
âWe wonât.â
Your lawyer moved to the huge cabinet in the living area, stopped there for a moment, and then threw his entire body against the furniture. You let out a loud gasp, and another one as he pushed against the cabinet one more time, bringing it to a fall along with the pieces that were stored inside, instantly shattering in the process. The noise was immense and you had to cover your ears. He might not look like it in his suit, but now that he was only wearing a rather tight shirt, you noticed that your lawyer was very well built and that this was the reason why the cabinet hadnât stood a chance from the beginning.Â
He let out a âPhew!â as he turned to you and wiped over his forehead. âYou can take on destroying his files and papers, just everything important to him. Let me handle this physical stuff. Don't worry, I made sure the neighbors on the floor beneath werenât there tonight.â
You understood why you had to do this. If there werenât many valuable items you had to fight over, the higher would be the chance they would let you off with your own money and the less time and nerves it would take to finalize the divorce, yet the sentiments that tied you to this placeâŚ
⌠they were nonexistent.
Opening all of your husbandâs cabinets, rummaging through them and pulling stuff out just to scatter them everywhere felt somewhat very satisfying. You saw all his important files and papers on the ground and stomped on them like a maniac. Everything he worked so hard for, everything he owned while trying to steal from you simultaneously like he had done all your life already. Back in the days, you had just been too young and naive to notice.
You had held back so much during all this time and had never found a way to verbalize your feelings. A lady didnât do that. A lady was always graceful and just endured. Right now though, you didnât feel very ladylike. And it was the best feeling in so long.
You only stopped when your lawyer stood there next to you, arms folded across his chest, and there was an edge of mocking delight in his voice when he asked, âYouâre done already?â
You lowered your head as he had caught you red-handed, but you also couldnât wipe off the faint beam that remained on your lips even when he started rummaging through your husbandâs cabinets in search of the watches you had told him were stored in there.
âI wasnât aware he has such a large collection of the most expensive watches in the world,â your lawyer commented when he lightened up a drawer with the flashlight. âIf I keep one to myself, would he notice? But then again, he wonât see any of these again anyway. So maybe I should ask you?â
You let out a long sigh and grabbed the watch from him that you then threw into the bag that he had brought along with. âThatâs not funny. I think you make enough money to buy yourself an expensive watch.â
âNot this brand, but wellâŚâ
You rolled your eyes and continued with the sham robbery on the lower floor before moving on to the second. It was easy to destroy your own belongings as well. You didnât feel any sentiment as you had expected. Over time, you had grown so resentful, at this point, you just really didnât care anymore, except forâŚ
âDonât. Not inside there!â You threw yourself against the door your lawyer had initiated to open. There was no way he didnât know what kind of room this was after his last visit, so he went in there with a purpose. As you lifted your head, a flash of empathy crossed his face, but you stopped your pleading gaze from breaking eye contact with him. âPleaseâŚâ
You had been wrong. There was still something your sentiments were tied to in this place, the room where your baby should have lived.
âIâm sorry,â you heard him tell you with the lowest and softest form of tone he had ever addressed you with. âBut if we leave this room out, then something is off. We have to at least rummage-â
Your front teeth pressed into your lower lip as you struggled with either making way for him or fighting him. You had hoped that, regardless of how much time had already passed, your past could always remain here as long as you kept this room locked up - just as your memories.
Letting another person inside would mean you had to close this chapter. And even if your therapist back then had also advised you to change this room into another event space and move on, you had never brought your heart to agree to that. What would happen if you moved out eventually? Wasnât this the best opportunity to finally take this step? But it came so suddenâŚ
âCan I still keep something?â you asked timidly. âMy husband never entered this room, so he wouldn't miss anything, and I know what you want to say⌠I understand. Just please⌠one thing I can keep for myself? Maybe a jumper or a toyâŚâ
It took a long while until he shrugged and eventually said, âYou know⌠I donât think there are robbers this cruel who would destroy a baby room. I meanâŚâ He opened the door, but didnât go inside. âNo one would hide valuable possessions inside here anyway. Letâs go.â
âThank you,â you whispered, and you wondered whether your tone could even carry a tiny fragment of the relief you were feeling right now to your lawyer, expressing how grateful you were for his understanding and gentleness, even though in his world, it might not make much sense at all.Â
If he noticed the depth of your gratitude after all, with him risking your scam just to leave you this tiny piece of sentiment, then he didnât bother showing you.
âNow off to my favorite part⌠the safe!â
âWe wonât reach whatâs inside there,â you warned him. âI even doubt his beloved mother knows the passcode to that.â
âOh, we wonât get to steal whatâs inside. But we will try. Ever used a crowbar to hit against something? Itâs fun! Letting out a little anger. Youâll like it.â
Oh, how much you indeed came to like it.
____
âVery well.â
Your lawyer seemingly skimmed over the police report before he placed it aside on his desk, deeming it as done. Only a week after the incident, you had brought him a copy of the official papers that your husband had filed to confirm that everything was going according to plan.
After your fake robbery, you had pretended to arrive at home and called your husband in feigned shock that sounded so real over the phone, you nearly believed it yourself. Since he had been in a neighboring city only, he had arrived two hours later, and the performance you had put on in front of him and the police was nearly Oscar-worthy.
âThen, you only have to sign this.â Your lawyer had pulled out another set of documents from a staple on this desk and slid them over to you. âExactly here, please.â
âWhat is this?â You read something about a bank in a whole other country that was unfamiliar to you, and a bank account under a name that was unfamiliar, too. âI cannot sign for another person.â
âI know. Thatâs why you will sign as this person whose name the account is booked under.â
âThatâs not legal, I could go to jail for that!â
âThis again?â your lawyer groaned. âThis is the bank account onto which we will transfer all your money and hide it from your husband and his family. It is required for you to make sure you will keep your inheritance. It will take a few weeks, because of course we canât just book your whole trust fund money onto another bank from one day to the other, it will take a few steps.â
âSo basically money laundering,â you concluded cautiously.
âThatâs the legal term, yes. I would describe it asâŚâ He pursed his lips as though he was really thinking hard to come up with something. âPlaying hide and seek. Itâs suddenly gone and you donât know exactly how long it will take, but eventually, youâll always find it.â
You rolled your eyes, but signed the papers nonetheless.
âVery well. Now, grab your purse,â your lawyer summoned while he was taking off his glasses and arose from his chair. âWeâre going to celebrate.â
âCelebrate? Celebrate what?â
âThis success.â He put on his suit coat, circled his desk and picked up your purse from the chair next to you himself, thrusting it into your lap as you hadnât made any move to reach for it yourself..Â
âOkay, but where?â
âCan you drink?â
âNot really.â
âVery well, then Iâll teach you.â
You reluctantly got up from your seat as you suspiciously asked, âIs this something you do with all your clients, Mr. Jeong?â
You were only able to watch his back when he opened the door and admitted, âOnly with the ones I like.â
While you were still pondering whether his words had been a compliment, he had decided to take you to a shady bar, at a part of the city where you would never set foot in. It was dim and smelled strongly of smoke. The majority of the guests were male, there was a billiard table in the center, and on the menu were only beer and harder beverages.
âThis is not the kind of establishment I usually frequent, Mr. Jeong,â you judged harshly while you struggled to find a comfortable position on the bar stool next to your lawyer.
âNo, I donât think you frequent any bar at all.â He had let himself plop on the stool next to you, took off his jacket and ordered two drinks you hadnât heard of and neither ever sipped on before. âI purposely brought you here. You thought we were going to visit some kind of fancy rooftop hotel bar? Sorry to disappoint you.â
You scanned your environment with raised brows and a look that made men look back at you - but not in the open kind way. They were rather skeptical and curious. Your lawyer was still the best dressed here, everyone else was wearing casual clothes like they had just hopped by after work. They sensed you didnât belong here, their faces spoke volumes.
âDonât worry, these guys are harmless and actually nice. They just want a good drink and company before heading home alone, back to their dark and lonely room. Itâs just⌠they donât see women here that often.â
âI figured that much. What is this place even? Why are we here, Mr. Jeong?â
âIt's a place to have fun! Try having fun, will you? Here.â He slid one of the two glasses the barkeeper had just dropped off on the counter closer to you. âDrink. Maybe this will help you to finally loosen up. And drop the âMr. Jeongâ-stuff, weâre off duty now.â
You knew there was no way you could say no, and even though you were doubtfully sniffing on the drink, trying to guess what it could be, you had to empty it under your lawyerâs watchful eyes.
âOh my god!â You were coughing while your entire face heated up. You felt the liquid burning through your throat, making its way all the way to your stomach and settling there with a heat you had rarely encountered before. âWhat is this?!â
âItâs a drink to have fun! Are you having fun yet?â
âNo!â
âVery well.â He downed his own beverage and then raised his hand. âBarkeeper, we need another two of these.â
You didnât know how long it took for your perception of time to start shifting. You also didnât know why you didnât stop drinking, and certainly not why you didnât say no. He wouldnât have forced you, that much you were certain of. Maybe it was because you were truly weak. But maybe, in some kind of twisted circumstance, you were truly starting to have fun.
âHere, hold this.â You thrusted your purse and your jacket into Jaehyunâs hands. âI canât look at this misery any longer.â
You rolled up the sleeves of your blouse and opened the first two buttons before - suddenly feeling not too hot and cramped in your own skin anymore - you strutted over to the men who had gathered around the billiard table, ready to start another set of games.
âMay I join?â you asked into the round and earned many curious looks back. âTrust me guys, Iâm really good at this.â
You had played billiard in your home so often, it started to bore you the better you got at this game. And with time, it had started to really dread you, because there had never been anyone to play with the many hours a day had to offer.Â
âMiss, I donât think-â
âLet her.â You didnât see him, but you felt Jaehyunâs presence right behind you. Your chest swelled with confidence and pride. âShe said she can do it, so let her.â
The men threw questioning looks at each other, but it didnât take them too long until they all agreed to let you join, and one of them handed a queue over to you. âLadies first.â
If your confidence had rooted from the alcohol you had chugged earlier, its effect was starting to lack now, because suddenly, you didnât feel so full of yourself anymore. You bowed down lightly and positioned yourself on one side of the table. You usually started here, playing at home, but abruptly, you got so nervous with all these men looking at you with a certain edge of judgment they were unsuccessfully trying to conceal.Â
If you failed the gameâs opening, there would be no coming back from it, the momentum missed. You would play bad and they would all make fun of you. Maybe it would be better if you just backed down nowâŚ
âWell, well, wellâŚâ
You felt a palm on your lower back as you made attempts to arise from your position, keeping you in place as the hand gently pressed against the push upwards that you made. Jaehyun was preventing you from giving up.
He bowed down to you and whispered into your ear, âYou donât have to impress anyone. Just loosen up, let it go and have fun.â
You closed your eyes and breathed in deeply. He didnât retreat his hand when you opened them again and angled the queue. He didnât retreat his hand when you pulled back and pushed into the billiard balls. He only retreated his hand when you turned around to him, throwing your arms around his neck to celebrate that you had immediately put three balls into the holes.
You didnât know when your hair had loosened and now fell in soft waves around your shoulders. You didnât know when you had opened a third and fourth button on your blouse, revealing a bit of your undershirt. You also had lost count of the amount of drinks you had already downed the further the night processed.
But what you knew was that you had incredible fun.
âDid you see that, Jaehyun?â You were jumping up and down in front of him after winning another game against one of the bar visitors. âI won again!â
âYes.â He smiled softly, like you had never seen before. âWell done.â
You tilted your head, your lipstick long gone, your cheeks heated. âIt suits you so well, Jaehyun.â
âWhat?â
âThat smile.â You beamed back. âMaybe you should wear this expression more often than that scorny grin. I like this one better.â
You couldnât clearly see in the dim lightning, but you could swear you caught his ears turn red, and it was incredibly cute.
âAlright, brandy blossom,â Jaehyun then called out after you had won another game. âTime to go home before your hubby returns.â
âAlready?â you pursed your lips and put down the queue.Â
âYou donât want to be caught reeking of alcohol, all disheveled, right?â
You gasped and stemmed your hands against your hips. âOf course not! Just⌠another round, please? I need to properly say goodbye to my new friends.â
He gave in, knowing he didnât stand a chance against the sad face you and the men you had been playing with pulled all at once.
Seemingly annoyed, Jaehyun sighed. âBut just one.â
____
âJaehyun, everything is spinning.â You leaned against him while he put an arm around you and kept you on your feet as you entered the elevator. âAnd I feel sick.â
âThatâs my fault. I shouldnât have let you play another round and have a last farewell drink with the other guests.â He pressed the button and watched the door close in front of you both.
âBut I had so much fun,â you said as you looked for support by stemming yourself against the elevator wall. âI canât remember the last time Iâve had this much fun. I would do it all over again. Can we do this again sometime, please⌠Jaehyun?â
You didnât know if Jaehyun ever replied to that as you closed your eyes and drifted away. You were moving, that much you knew, or was it all in your memory as well? You didnât use your own body, but felt like you were being carried, not having to put your feet down. You were floating and a slight breeze pulling on the ends of your hair strands suggested that somewhere, a window must have opened, and then you fellâŚ
⌠but on a soft cloud.
Your eyes reluctantly opened and you saw Jaehyun bending over you, worry sketched all over his face.
âThank god!â he exclaimed in relief. âI thought you were passed out.â
âI feel so sweaty and smelly, Jaehyun,â you complained to him, starting to unbutton your blouseâs remaining buttons. âI have to change.â
âIâll bring you the bathrobe.â But he wasnât able to leave your side as your hand reached out to him and locked him down with a tight grip around his wrist.
âPlease donât go,â you whined, very much under the influence. âI donât wanna be alone.â
âI wonâtâ, he spoke with a voice so gently, even in this state you wondered if it was the same person you spoke to about your divorce. You felt a palm touching your temple, swiping away a few hair strands. âIâll just bring you a fresh bathrobe.â
Still, you refused and shook your head. âPlease stay.â
It didnât take him a second to answer, âFine, Iâll stay.â
You drew a deep breather, staring at the half-darkened ceiling that was semi blurry in your drunken state. Only a small light was on, somewhere in the corner. Perhaps, it was the alcohol speaking the following words, but suddenly, you got so sad and hid your face by placing your forearm on your head.Â
âActually, you know⌠Iâm so scared of getting divorced.â
âWhy is that?â
âIâm scared that Iâll be alone all my life, after all.â
This time, Jaehyunâs answer took him much longer as if he was carefully thinking about each word. âYouâre the most fascinating woman Iâve ever encountered. You wonât be having any struggles attracting men who are handsome and treat you well, Iâm sure about that. Just this time, choose widely.â
âI donât think I want to get married so fast again,â you confessed. âI think next time, I will take it slow. I want to get a degree and open my business first. Then, I want to get married again.â
âThat sounds very reasonable. You hadnât had a chance to enjoy your youth much.â
âBut I donât want one night stands, flings, short-lived encountersâŚâ You dared to peek from under your arm and eventually withdrew it from your face to look at Jaehyun properly. âWhat if I meet my true love during that time? Will he wait until Iâm ready?â
He spoke with confident sincerity that was reflected in his expression as he assured you, âIf he truly loves you, then he will wait.â
âBut⌠I want to experience the love I am able to give. What if there is really only one love we get to have in a lifetime, and he has been this love for me? What if Iâve used up all of my love for this life already?â
âThatâs nonsense,â Jaehyun instantly dismissed. âLove is endless, you cannot use it up. Especially you. You have so much love to give, you cannot be the only person out there. You will meet someone whose love is as endless as yours, I promise.â
âHow much love have you got left, Jaehyun? Is it still endless too?â
Only at this moment, you realized that you hadnât let go of his wrist all along. Only at this moment, when he twisted your bothâs fingers in a way that intertwined them. Your chest welled up, you hadnât felt this cared for in what felt like an eternity.
âYes,â he whispered. âItâs still endless too.â
âThen Iâm glad,â you replied with a smile before drifting off to sleep.
____
You didnât know when you last had fallen asleep with your husband on the same bed, let alone holding hands with him and having his arms wrapped around you from the back. Waking up groggily on your soft bedding, you first saw your intertwined hands resting on your hip, your husband breathing delicately with his face buried in your nape.
It was odd. You didnât feel put off or disgusted even as normally whenever he even tried to have some kind of body contact with you. No, you felt content, comfortable and warm. So, so warm.
Except for⌠as your eyes scanned the room, it dawned on you that this was not your houseâs wall and neither was that your window you were looking at. This wasnât your bed either, and behind you was certainly not your husband laying.Â
âNo, no, no!â Your breath caught and you sat up straight on the mattress, waking up your lawyer with your hectic movements. âNo, this canât be!â
âWhatâs going on?â He instantly arose into a seating position although his eyes were barely opened yet. âYouâre leaving already? Itâs only⌠6am.â
âYes!â you screeched and escaped the entangled sheets, starting to adjust your pulled up skirt and open blouse. Your cheeks heated up and you turned around, away from your lawyerâs peripheral so as to not reveal more of your body to him than you already had. âI was supposed to be home by last night! Why am I here? Is this a hotel?â
âYou were so drunk, you could barely walk and always drifted off to sleep, I couldnât just bring you home. I just wanted to make sureâŚâ He paused and then shrugged. âWhatever.â
âOh my god, what do I tell my husband?â You ran your fingers through your disheveled hair and tried to clean your clothes. You could barely remember the last night. âWhere is my phone?â
âHere.â Your lawyer held up the device in front of you. âZero messages and zero missed calls. Can you calm down now, please? Iâll drive you.â
You took your phone into your hand and looked at it in utter confusion. âThatâs strange. Usually, he would call me when Iâm not home or at least send me a message. Letâs just hope he didnât bother checking up in the first place, that would be the best case.â A very unwell feeling suddenly crept up your body, laying itself on your chest and slowly cutting off your air. âSomething is off. I need to go home. Really, I need to go home right now.â
Rather cold hands suddenly placed themselves on your left and right cheek, cupping your face. Your lawyer looked straight at you with penetrating eyes. âPlease, I need you to calm down first. Now.â
You tried shaking your head, but his grip was too strong. âI canât-â
âYes, you can.â There was no talking back. He wouldnât let you go otherwise. âCalm down, then get dressed and Iâll take you home. Spiraling right now is not helpful. Try collecting your thoughts and then act according to it.â
So you tried as he told you and closed your eyes. You took a few deep breathers, but even though you could set your body at peace just a little bit, your heart still refused to do so. And you got a feeling it was not because of what was awaiting you at home, but rather because your lawyer stood so close to you. It was his presence that caused you to be all irritated at this moment.
A few memory threads flowed into each other again, and pieces of last night seeped back into your mind⌠Your hands around his neck, his soft smile, his gentle words, his arms carrying you to the hotel room, his fingers intertwined with yours, his chest pressed against your back in your sleepâŚ
You looked at him, utterly petrified. Had you just cheated on your husband?
âYouâre coming?â he asked.
You followed him out of the hotel room and into the elevator. You didnât say a single word and he didnât pick up a topic to talk about either, so you just remained silent and avoided eye contact at all cost. You wondered if he felt the same way about your unexpected intimacy from the night before: guilty and ashamed - against yourself.Â
That was what you would describe it, but it was not what entirely described the bigger picture. Because why else would you have wished not to be still married right now just to have laid in bed with your lawyer for a bit longer?
âCheckout, please,â you heard him say as you stood next to him, totally lost.
Your husband was an attractive man, but your lawyer⌠You watched his back bend, messy strands falling into his forehead, a crinkled shirt tightening around his chest. A small part of you that had supposedly taken control over you last night, yearned for him in a way you had never yearned for a man before, not even your own husband.
You suddenly broke out in cold sweat and had to look away, fingers gripping tightly onto the jacket in your hand. You were still a married woman, you were not supposed to feel this way about another man yet, even though you didnât love your husband anymore. You still belonged to him on paperâŚ
âLetâs go.â Your lawyer looked at you, frowning. âAre you okay? You look feverish.â
He wanted to touch your forehead, but you quickly turned your head away. âIâm fine.â
He didnât believe you, but let it rest. âFine.â
You trotted after him, feeling torn about what was morally right and the desires that had started to involuntarily get into your head.
____
Something was off at home, because nobody was there.
You and your husband didnât speak often except for the necessities. Most of the time, he would sleep at his office in the house, coming back late in the night and leaving early in the morning. Sometimes, when it was very late, he didnât bother to check up on you at all, assuming you were asleep already. For last night, you had just hoped that it was this exact case.
And just as you were standing there in the lobby, kind of lost and still groggy with a slight hangover starting to announce itself, you got a phone call.
âHey,â you greeted.
âHey,â your husband greeted back. âIâm sorry I didnât make it home last night, and I wonât be able to come back today either. There is too much going on in the company.â
You didnât bother to care anymore, you hadnât in a long time. You were just relieved that last night didnât have any consequences. âI understand.â
âIs mother already gone?â
âM⌠mother?âÂ
Your blood froze and your vision shifted to a silhouette that was just revealing itself in the corner and slowly stepping into the weak daylight. You had judged too early, weighed yourself in safety too fast as there it was, your consequences.
âYes,â your husband responded. âDonât you think it was nice of her to spend the night, because she was worried you would be alone after the robbery? Anyway, I have to hang up and get back to work. Bye.â
Your arm slowly slipped down, fingers barely still holding onto the phone as you looked at your mother-in-law like you were facing a ghost.
âBy the looks of it, it seems like someoneâs had a rough night.â
You did your best to keep your voice low and conceal the trembling tone that came along with your answer, âI was at a friendâs house last night.â
Your mother-in-law snickered and approached you, her face not changing a bit - the result of year long surgeries. She was smaller than you and certainly older, but something so wicked and deeply evil had always been surrounding this woman that even her own sons wouldnât dare to look into her eyes without permission.
Secretly, she was the one running and pulling the strings behind the company, the entire conglomerate even, stemming from one of the countryâs richest families for centuries. At least that was what she liked to tell, but your research didnât reveal such connections. That didnât make her appearance less intimidating though as even her own husband looked small next to her.
âDonât fool me, darling. You donât have any friends.â
Two years ago, you would have apologized deeply and fallen to your knees, begging for forgiveness, even if it meant kneeling for days. But you werenât the intimidated girl from shortly after your marriage anymore. Losing your child had shaped you deeply and the divorce was the final stage, not the process - even though you still had weak moments. You decided this wouldnât be one of them.
âYou donât know anything about me or my life.â
Somehow, you felt mentally so strong right now and straightened your shoulders to present self-confidence, aware of the fact that even though your way through this divorce was not the prettiest and most legal, it was the most effective. And truth to be told, they didnât deserve a clean divorce anyway.
âI see it written all over your face,â she snarled. âYouâve been with another man.â
This woman didnât deserve a glimpse of your new, true self at all.
This woman who had told her son, âIf you had just waited half a year more, you wouldnât have had to marry her and we wouldnât have this burden in our family now.â
And the son who had just answered, âIâm sorry to be such a disgrace, mother.â
And you, the timid girl, you had just sat with them and swallowed every tear, because nobody in this family was supposed to cry - not even after losing your own child.
You wondered if that had been the moment you started slowly losing the love for your husband who you had deeply loved from the first the moment he struck up a conversation with you at the university where he had been invited to as a guest speaker. Three months in, you got pregnant and another three months later, were married.Â
You had never graduated with your degree, but you hadnât cared, because you had loved him deeply. For you, it had always been enough - but never for his family. It struck you the moment you had lost your baby and fell from grace.
For two more years, you had wondered whether you could restore the fading love or find another way to feel so deeply again. You had been stuck in a limbo where you questioned if it was some strange form of Stockholm Syndrome you had developed or whether you were just too weak of a person to break free, too afraid to never find love again.Â
When one night two months ago, you had found your husband all immersed in work and family problems on the death anniversary of your child which he clearly had forgotten about, you had finally figured that he was a simple man who would always be under the control of his mother. There was no need to fight for what had long been lost. You were much stronger alone.
âYou are only still here, because a divorce is a disgrace, never forget that and be grateful you have everything you need. Other women would happily trace places with you.â
âThen let them!â It was the first time you heard yourself raising your voice against her. âLet them replace me! You know we donât love each other anymore, why donât you let me go then?â
âOh, darling.â Your mother-in-law stretched out her hand and touched your cheek. It felt ice cold, but you couldnât move as your body turned to stone. âI would have, but youâre just so easy to keep here, why bother in the first place? I can keep you low and our reputation stored, itâs much better than dealing with a hassle.â
No, you werenât easy to keep anymore anymore, you were just very good at hiding all of it and keeping up your facade. Maybe before, you would have caved and given in. Maybe before this all, you would have crouched in front of her. Maybe, before you hired your lawyer, you wouldnât have had these thoughts at all. But only the imagination of him gave you everything you needed to fight back years of suppression.Â
âIâm not scared of you.â
The slap came unexpectedly, leaving a visible mark on the side of your face. You gasped for air as you held onto the burning skin, your senses not coming together just yet over what had just happened. It felt like the spot got handled with many needles trying to push through a thin layer.
âThe next time youâre robbing your own house, make sure to not leave footprints all over the scattered papers, the police might be onto something. I donât know whoâs helping you, if that person is a criminal or your affair, but if you really have some kind of shady thing going on behind my back, I will take you down and your entire family with you.â A threat so sharp that cut through the air like a knife. âNobody knows about this, so I will do you a favor and keep it between us. If you continue with whatever youâre planning, I promise you, you will regret it deeply.â
Your family⌠you didnât know when you had last seen them. You missed them dearly and there was no way you could put them in danger.
That was the only thing you could think of before you snapped back to reality as the entrance door closed behind you.
____
âWho did this to you?â
Your lawyer was kneeling in front of you, inspecting your bruised face with hands so gentle and a gaze so soft, it reminded you all of last night. You were sitting on the couch in his office, legs pulled up to your chest, staring at him but at the same time through him.
âWho?â he asked again as you didnât respond, this time more insistently. He jumped back to his feet. âWho did this to you? Your husband?! Iâm gonna k-â
Reluctantly, you shook your head. âNo, it was my mother-in-law. She knows.â
âShe knows about what? Whatever she knows, it doesnât give her the right to physically abuse you!â You had never seen him this agitated and furious before as he walked around his office in a haste, apparently in search of something.Â
âShe knows that Iâm onto something⌠with someone,â you admitted, fearing that he might get angry as you had not been careful enough. âShe mentioned my shoeâs footprints over the scattered papers on the ground⌠I walked all over them, remember?â
âSo what?â your lawyer dismissed in an instant. âThis doesnât mean anything. If this divorce makes it to the court, no judge will pay attention to this detail. You live in the house, naturally your footprints will be somewhere.â
You lowered your head, but sensed him walking back to you and pressing something against your cheek, providing instant relief to your burning skin. It was an empty, cold glass. âSorry, I donât have anything else here. I hope it helps.â
âThank you.â
âWhat else did she say?â he inquired. âWhatever she said, I promise you, in this divorce, I will wring her out until sheâs dry and has nothing left anymore. Then, I will push even further, that much I can do.â
âSheâs right with everything sheâs said to me,â you whispered absent-mindedly, rotating the glass on your skin so that the spot would always meet a cold surface. âIâm so easy to keep, thatâs why Iâm still there.â It was a paradox to you how a much older and tinier woman had brought up enough strength to hurt you this deeply, inwardly and outwardly. âBut what was I supposed to do all this time? Iâm from a reputable family and have willingly signed this contract, giving away my rights, my freedom. It was very convenient for them⌠I was only a convenience that had come along at the right time as their son wasnât married yet. And then, I couldnât even bear my child, and it turned me into a disgrace in an instant.â
âStop!â your lawyer called out, bracing his arms against his desk that then creaked under his weight. His eyes were forcibly closed and there was a huge frown forming on his face. âDonât ever talk about yourself like this again!â
âBut itâs the truth!â you protested. âShe may not be in the right, but she is right about me! I willingly agreed to cut off contact with my family, friends, everyone. And then it takes me two years to do something against it! Letâs face the truthâŚâ
âDonât say that,â he pleaded lowly, his knuckles turning white as he added more pressure to his grip against the deskâs edge. âItâs not like you. You were always so full of hope, in a fighting mode.â
âI still am!â you disagreed. âI still am full of hope and fighting, but letâs face the truth... Iâm so young and I will have been through a divorce in the near future. Iâve lost a child, I donât have a degree, no money for now, no prospects. Who would even want me anymore?â
You didnât except an answer, it was only a rhetorical question, but he still gave you one,
âMe. I would.â
You heaved up your head, expecting to encounter a grin as your lawyer had just joked around to lift up your spirits in a meek attempt, but as you met his gaze, your breath caught. He was not kidding. He was dead serious, and by now you could quite well distinguish between his serious and joking demeanor.
âJaehyunâŚâ
His brows drew together, and he eventually broke out in a relieved smile, just a little bit. âFinally, you call me by my first name, even now.â
âMr. Je- Jaeh-â You shook your head in confusion. You suddenly didnât know what to think, say or even feel anymore. âPlease donât joke around, now is not the time.â
âIâm offended that you think Iâm joking after all this time. I donât make jokes about that.â
You dropped the glass on the cushion and jumped out of your seat, moving to the other end of the office room, far away from him. You couldnât bear being so close to him with all that nonsense that he was speaking, because you feared that a big part of you wished for it to become true.Â
âYou know that I am looking for my one true love.â
âWho said it canât be me?â
âIâm still married to Kang Seungmin.â
âThen I will have to hurry up with the divorce papers.â
âI want to get a degree and open my business before marrying again.â
âIâm willing to support that and wait.â
âYouâre so full of life and Iâm so broken.â
âThen Iâll bring you back to life too.â
Why did everything he say sound so illogical, yet so tempting? If life was only that easy as he always made it seem with his shady business, maybe there was still hope for you, too. You longed for the lighthearted young woman you had been in the past, and something inside you, maybe the remnants of her, believed that with him, she could find her way back to the surface.
âYou donât understand the depths of my trauma, you cannot love me, Mr. Jeong.â You turned back to the couch and picked up your purse. Walking towards the door, you told him, âI wish we would have met before all of this happened. I wish you would have met me when I was still in university. You would have liked me more back then and my life would have turned out differently.â
âYour life can still turn out differently, because it doesnât matter when we would have met. I would have liked you all the same.â
You wanted to walk out, but your fingers remained on the door handle, refusing to move. Your cheeks were burning, but on both sides and for an entirely different reason now than shortly before. You were crying hot tears that were streaming down your face. âYou donât know what youâre sayingâŚâ
Suddenly, you felt his hot breath against your neck and flinched. But he didnât touch you, no matter how desperately you wanted it, and you continued to fight against this desire.Â
âWe can also fall in love now, forget about the past and start again.â
âThis is what you cannot understand,â you spoke earnestly. âI can never forget about the past, Mr. Jeong. And I refuse to do so, because itâs a part of me and will become a part of my partner too. My current husband has failed to allow this to happen to him.â
Then, your fingers were finally moving and you slipped out of his office. You used the stairs this time, running all the way to the ground floor. Only outside of the building, you were ready to come to a standstill and start breathing regularly again. You were sweating unlike ever before, hot and cold waves washing through your body.
But you continued your way by walking, walking all the way home, whether directly or in circles, you didnât know. You just kept walking until it was nighttime, until you returned to your house where emptiness was awaiting you.
And as you stood there, alone in the darkness, you wondered how long it would take for it to consume you entirely.
You refused to let it get this far. Not again.
____
A few days later, you were standing in front of a grave that you generally avoided visiting except for only one time a year. The pain was too much to bear alone as nobody had ever bothered to accompany you.
This year, you were here for the second time - but this time you had company.
âIâm sorry if the things Iâve said back then were too insensitive,â Jaehyun apologized. âJust because Iâm older doesnât mean Iâm more experienced. Of course I donât know anything about your pain.â
âThatâs why I brought you here,â you told him, your look unwavering from the small tombstone. âI want to share it with you. If you still want to love me after this, then I will believe you.â
âŚ
When you found out that you were pregnant, you werenât shocked like so many girls your age, who had just entered university, would generally feel.Â
You were head over heels in love with your boyfriend who, despite your huge age gap and his position in the company, had made it his priority to shower you with gifts and love. That this was considered âlove bombingâ and âgroomingâ, you would only figure out later. Up until this day, you were still convinced your love for him was real. It just wasnât your fault that you were an easy target. It was his fault that he had even approached you in the first place as a grown man ten years older than you.
It only took one time for the two stripes on the test to appear. His happiness wasnât feigned, and neither was yours. Of course you would drop out of university and get married. Marrying into this family would mean to never have to work anymore anyway and only caring for your child and husband. The fact that this was all convenient for a man who couldnât keep a woman his age and was under so much pressure from his family, you would only figure out later.Â
It was a shotgun wedding, but of course that wasnât what was written all over the news. To his familyâs luck, you werenât showing yet and from a reputable background, but you had to hurry up with the wedding nonetheless. You were anticipating this child so much, even though your family tried to sabotage your wedding. That was probably why you were so easy to get talked into cutting off all contact with the people related to you. They didnât understand you. The fact that they only tried to warn and save you, you would only figure out much later.
You signed away your inheritance, because what was yours was his, and thus for your child and every future child as well, it sounded all logical. You felt loved and cared for unlike ever before. Why be with your unsupportive family when every love and warmth you could find with your husbandâs family? Other people looked for love all their lifetime and were unsuccessful. You were lucky to have found the love of your life at an early age.Â
The fact that the people who told you you were too young to marry were not jealous, but only caring, you would only figure out much laterâŚ
⌠when you were lying in your bed with cramps so bad, you thought you were going to die. Except that it was the child inside of you, who was almost due to be born, was the one dying.
There hadnât been any signs. He had been healthy. Yet, somehow, his heart had stopped beating.
They took your baby out with a c-section, you had only held him in your arms once. Nobody had shown up to share this incredibly painful moment with you.Â
This moment that had dragged you into a darkness which would take you years to break free from.
âŚ
âSuddenly,â you continued, speaking to Jaehyun, âI wasnât the beloved daughter-in-law anymore. I was a disgrace. If I cannot keep a baby, why bother about me? My body cannot function properly, it refuses to act according to nature. Nobody looked at me the same way anymore, not even my husband. While my mother-in-law confronted me with disgust and anger whenever we met, it was disappointment that was mirrored in my husbandâs eyes. He wanted to try again, his mother wanted him to. They didnât give me a moment to mourn my stillborn child.â
âDid heâŚ?â Jaehyun started, unable to speak out the words, but you shook your head.
âShe insulted him many times, but he never did anything against my will. We did genuinely try though, I didnât want to give up on my marriage, but I think my body already had. Sometimes, I caught him lying to his mother that we were trying when we had long stopped. This, Iâm grateful for. But it made her hate me even more, because Iâm in the wrong as I cannot conceive according to her.â
âThis is horribleâŚâ
You stood there, side by side, looking at your babyâs grave. âSometimes I think he knew what kind of life was awaiting him and chose to not join me. I would have been a horrible mother under these circumstances.â
âHe?â
âMy baby was a boy.â
âNo.â Jaehyun shook his head and suddenly reached for your hand. He was holding it for a long time, before he eventually said, âYou would have been the best mom, no matter the circumstances.â
âSo why is my baby not with me now?â you sobbed. âWhy did it leave me?â
This was a question you were asking yourself over and over again, ever since it had happened. Your therapist had advised you to let go of these thoughts and the guilt, finally breaking free from that darkness by moving on. But you just couldnât and had stopped going to the sessions from then on. She hadnât understood the depths of your pain either - or so you had thought.
âMaybe,â Jaehyun started and removed his hand from yours to put it on your shoulder and shift you around to him instead. âYour baby didnât leave you. Maybe your baby just sensed it wasnât the right time and is waiting to come back to you when youâre ready again. Then, youâll see each other again.â
You cried even harder at this point, only slowly realizing that Jaehyun had his arms wrapped around you now, embracing you tightly. Somehow, you had missed someone like this throughout all the years of pain, someone who listened, who was willing to share your suffering, who made it all more durable. Someone who was finally seeing you and acknowledging the depths of your pain.Â
Had your lawyer been this person all along and it was meant for you to only find him now when you were ready for it?
âI like that thought,â you brought out under tears. âThat I will see my baby again.â
âAnd your baby will also see your family and friends. I will make sure of that.â
âJaehyunâŚâ He pressed your face against his chest and rested his chin on the top of your head, tenderly brushing over your hair.
âI still want to love you. With all your pain, all your scars. I still want to love you.â
This time, you believed him.
Even more so when you came back to the grave a few days later. You didnât want to run away anymore. If you freed your pain and didnât lock it away in an abandoned room, it would grow easier to be a part of your life. That was why you wanted to confront your darkness and pay visits to your babyâs grave more frequently.
⌠Only to find out that someone had been here shortly before you, leaving a bouquet of fresh lilies.
Jaehyun really wanted to love all of you, past and present.
____
âThese are the finished documents.â
Your divorce file was thick. You were sitting at Jaehyunâs desk and were only skimming over the first few pages. Every single paragraph was dissected and laid out very carefully, in every little detail so that no word could be misunderstood.Â
You didnât know why you had failed to pay attention to this before, but Jaehyun was incredibly intelligent and determined. He must have worked almost restlessly on these papers and had really meant it when he had said to hurry up with.
âWhatâs going to happen now?â you asked, hesitant to hear the answer.
âI will send this file to your husband and he will probably consult his own lawyer. Which is legally his right, even if he agrees on everything. Depending on how much he or his family wants to change, it will take months to⌠years negotiating, going back and forth.â
YearsâŚÂ
You had told Jaehyun to wait until you were a divorced woman. That much respect you still had for your husband, even though you had already taken off your wedding band. And truth to be told, you were still unsure about Jaehyun. It wasnât a decision you could make overnight at such a state, you had only loved one man in your life so far. Your next choice had to be the right choice, and how could you have already figured out if he was the right choice?
You didnât want to get married on and off, it wasnât supposed to be that easy, so you had to be as sure as possible. But then again, you had been fooled once by the love of a man close to your possible future loverâs age. How was it possible you werenât going to be alluded into a marriage by false promises and hopes again? You might be a bit older and wiser than back then, but did it also apply to your heart?
âThis is the toughest part,â Jaehyun continued explaining. "Negotiating. But I will always be by your side, remember that, I will accompany you on every step.â
You wondered whether negotiating with your husband or resisting your lawyer would be harder for you to do in the future.
âThen I will probably need a place to stay during the entire process. I should move to a hotel first and then go from there.â
âThere is no need,â Jaehyun dismissed and got up from his chair. âI have a place for you to stay.â
You tilted your head in confusion. âWhat do you mean?â
âLetâs go.â
You took his car and he drove to a part of the city, far outside of the bustling center, which you hadnât stepped foot in in years, even though it was close to your current neighborhood. This was where you had grown up, this was where you had spent the majority of your life. This was the area where your parents lived.
The car came to a stop right outside of your familyâs house.
âHere we are.â
You turned your head away from the window, the sight of your childhood home causing tears to well up behind your eyes. âIâm not supposed to come here, Jaehyun.â
âSays who?â
âThe contract.â
âThe contract is bullshit,â he blatantly called out. âWho would have even controlled whether you came here? No one. You could have come here all the time without anyone noticing, you know that. You just⌠didnât want to or couldnât bring yourself to. Am I right?â
He had called you out, and you couldnât close your ears from the truth much longer. He was right. No one had ever controlled you. Perhaps, they hadnât had to as by your mother-in-law, you had always been too weak to go against the rules. When you had grown out of this phase though, it was long too late to make amends.
âIn the beginning, my family and friends all tried to reach out to me. But whenever we talked, I only heard âYouâre too young to marry, donât do it!â, âCome home, you donât need to stay thereâ, and much more. I dismissed their words, I thought they werenât happy for me and didnât understand me. So I eventually cut off any form of communication which was aided by my mother-in-law taking away my phone after catching me calling my mother once. They never knew I was pregnant, I wasnât allowed to tell anyone. I had a new family who would take care of me, I didnât need them anymore. Until I was all alone at childbirth and knew I had made the wrong decision.â
âThe more you tell me about your in-laws, the bigger my desire grows to unalive them with my bare hands.â
You nervously kneaded your fingers, your gaze fixed on the movements. âIt was their form of manipulation, isolating me from everything and everyone that could change my mind and open my eyes to the truth. Eventually, my trauma had done the job. It also made me realize that I am the one to blame too. I could always reach out in other ways, but never did. With time, my guilt grew to such an extent that every form of reconnection would spiral me into much deeper guilt. So I gave up like they have given up on me. It was easier to think this way as I could never forgive myself for the things Iâve said and done.â
âBut theyâve never given up on you.â
You shrugged. âYou wouldnât know.â
âExcept that I do. Why else would we be here?â
Your head snapped up and you looked at Jaehyun, then outside of the window in the direction of your house where at the same moment, the entrance door opened, that much you could see over the high metal fence surrounding the garden.
âWhatâŚâ You were lost for words.
âLike you will never stop loving your child, your parents will never stop loving you too, no matter how many irrational decisions you make, no matter how many cruel things you say to them. You will always have their love,â Jaehyun explained slowly so that you could process at the same time. âA few days ago, I looked for them, drove here and explained the situation. But I left out a few important parts as it is entirely your story to tell them. I think you will have a lot to talk about in the upcoming days. Look, theyâre waiting for you already.â
It was at this moment that you realized that you had never experienced love in its purest form.
Until now.Â
And you werenât referring to your parents as that was another form of love, family love. You werenât referring to your friends either as that was platonic love. You certainly weren't referring to your husband either as that had turned out to only be conventional love.
You were referring to Jaehyun going through lengths to reconnect you with your family along with many other things. You suddenly werenât alone anymore. Life suddenly looked so bright and full of hope when you had someone to also share the happy moments with.
You werenât alluded by false hopes and promises. He was a man of words and actions unlike anyone you had ever met before. And if this wasnât true love, then what was? There was no guarantee, no glimpse into the future. There was only your heart following a path he shaped for you in the purest form possible, hoping that one day, you would return his feelings.
âJaehyun, I-â
âWait.â He cupped your face and smiled when you were facing each other. âIt can wait. Go to your parents first. Take your time. Then, you can come to me and tell me everything you want to tell me, alright?â
âThank you.â And these two words couldnât even express the entirety of gratitude you felt towards him, among so many other things.
He gave you a kiss on your forehead, then watched you open the door, walking towards your parents.
____
Jaehyun wasnât having a good day.Â
In fact, he hadnât had a good week altogether.
He was grumpy with his employees, sloppy with his files and overall not at the peak of his law-game. His assistant had to point out mistakes in the papers more than several times and was already overly annoyed before he said goodbye for the week, leaving Jaehyun alone in his office.
He missed you incredibly, and it was messing with his usually organized and cool head. Suddenly he caught himself by what he had been trying to avoid all along: emotions caused by love.Â
Jaehyun had known what it was the moment you went to the bar together, hair flying carefreely around your heated cheeks. Back then, he had only wished to keep the smile on your face forever, it suited you so much better than the stern and calculated look. Having you wrapped in his arms, he had been awake for the majority of the night that followed, thinking about how he could protect you from a world this cruel, a world that had treated you so unfairly all your life, causing you all this pain that nobody should ever endure.
Jaehyun had never been afraid to love, but afraid to admit that he was secretly looking for a lifelong love too, just like everyone else. After all, he was proven every day by wives consulting him that true love was just a misconception and people were mere life partners that eventually parted ways to look for someone new. His job was to break love, not to create it. And now he was finding himself in exactly that stateâŚ
⌠head over heels in love with a woman he never wanted to let go again. A woman whose absence drove him crazy, because every minute he was parted from her felt like a lifetime. Jaehyun certainly had been in love in the past, but he had never gone through these extents for someone outside of his profession.
It made him question his choice of occupation nowadays. And ironically enough, this train of thoughts led him to your husband of whose lawyer he hadnât heard anything at all. The divorce papers had certainly been delivered to him, but no one had reached out to him in return yet. He made it his mission to take care of this tomorrow.
From the corner of his eyes, Jaehyun saw his office door open and a person walking in, pulling him out of his thoughts. He was currently storing away some files and ready to head home as well.Â
âWeâre closed already, come back tomorrow and make an appointment with my secretary.â
âBut I need an appointment right now, Mr. Jeong.â
Jaehyunâs heart nearly jumped out of his chest in happiness when he heard your voice and shifted around. But the woman in front of him didnât have much in common with the woman who had intruded his office back then.
Instead of pant suits, pencil skirts and high heels, you were wearing a long flowy skirt, a matching blouse and flats. Your hair was falling loosely over your shoulders like the night in the bar, and Jaehyun was sure he had never seen you this beautiful and full of life before. And if it was possible, he loved you even more now.
He dropped the files on the desk and straightened his shoulders. âHow was the time with your parents?â he asked, reluctant as to what to do next. He didnât want to push you, even though there were a million other thoughts in his mind right now and none of them had anything to do with small talk.
âWe talked a lot. We cried a lot together, too,â you summarized for him, and he noticed that even your way of speaking had changed. You sounded more confident, but instead of it stemming from your insecurities, it rooted from deep and dripped with sincerity. âIt was good, taking a few days off to think about everything.â
âAnd to what conclusion did you come to?â Jaehyun didnât know why this question made him so nervous.
A faint smile tugged on the corners of your lips. âI came to the conclusion that time is too precious to be wasted, Jaehyun. Iâve lost so much time with my parents just because I was weak, and I wonât get it back, nor can I turn it back. I can only do the best with our remaining time from now on. But there is no way I will make this mistake of losing my time with someone I love again.â
Jaehyun took a deep breather, trying to keep his composure. âYou wanted to wait until your divorce, until you were sure.â
âI know.â You paused. âBut when I thought about what I would regret more⌠I just couldnât stand the thought of seeing you moving on, maybe with another woman. And it might be not in your book now, but how do we know what the future brings? I would only regret letting you go without even trying. I was never given a choice, but this, this is my choice. You gave me a choice. And I decided for this, I want this, Jaehyun.â
He cleared his throat and reached for his tie, loosening it a bit as he thought it currently cut off his breathing. âDo you know what youâre saying?â He took a stop towards you. âBe careful.â
You snickered - a tone that sounded like music in his ears - and took a step towards him as well.Â
âMr. Jeong, Iâm willing to play dirty in private as well. Where do I sign?â
____
Jaehyun wiped his desk free with one hand. Documents, pens, his notebook and even a lamp dropped to the floor, but luckily did not shatter. You let out a gasp, first because you got startled by his impulsive action, and then because he had picked you up and sat you on the desk.
You almost physically felt the electrifying tension between your faces that had built up over the past few weeks, and as your lips came crashing down on each other, it was like sparks flew into every direction to finally celebrate the release of all this pent-up desire.
Jaehyunâs lips were warm and soft, and very demanding. His hands were holding onto your face, angling you up to him as though he wanted you whole, taste, scent and all. Never in your life had you been kissed with so much passion and longing, being claimed in a way a woman could dream of.
You had been intimate only with your husband before, and where lovemaking with him was quiet, lukewarm and quite trite, the onset of the very same act with Jaehyun pushed up too high of what was ever possible in your sole imagination.Â
You were wild, fiery and loud. Oh, you could have never imagined to be that loud during the act. You threw your head back as Jaehyun kissed your neck, leaving wet trails where his lips passed. Letting out a moan, you spread your legs wider and pulled him close between your thighs. You chuckled silently when you felt him having grown so much already.
Goosebumps covered your legs as you felt him reaching under your skirt and pulling up the fabric. Jaehyunâs hands were roaming over your thighs, moving back and forth across your skin, and you simultaneously grew very hot in places you had long forgotten about. He tugged on the waistband of your panties, his fingers sliding between your folds and slowly rubbing there, causing you to catch your breath because of the intensity of the sensations.
Everything was going too slow for you now, and you wanted all of him all over you, inside of you. An inner voice was screaming desperately after him.
Suddenly, you halted.
âWhatâs wrong?â Jaehyun asked, worried.
âI⌠I donât know how this works anymore.â
âWhat do you mean?â
â... this. Is it silly?â
You drew your brows together, expecting to be laughed at, but Jaehyun just smiled mildly and tucked a strand of your loose hair behind your ear. How could you have ever thought heâd make fun of you? He never had.Â
âNothing is silly. You were just so into it, whatâs gotten into your mind?â
âI donât know if Iâm going to be⌠good. And I have⌠scars.â
You threw a meaningful gaze at him, hopeful heâd understand without many more explanations, and he did. You wouldnât be his chosen woman if you werenât still putting so many thoughts into one single action.Â
âYou still have problems to loosen up,â he concluded. âBut donât worry. If you trust me completely, it will all be fine and I will help you get your head free. So⌠do you trust me fully?â
It only took you a near-whispered âyesâ before he swept you off the desk and carried you, with your thighs tightly wrapped around his waist, to his couch. Not even a minute later, you found yourself with your skirt all draped around your hips and your panties hanging loosely on one of your feet.
You didnât see Jaehyunâs head anymore, only feeling his hair in a tight grip where your panties should have been, seeing stars dancing across the ceiling that you were currently facing while he ate you out like he had all the time in the world, sensually and delicately.
His tongue dragged along your folds that had long gotten wet the first time his mouth came close to your core. Gone were all your worries and doubts, there was no room to think about anything else than he way he was devouring you now, licking and sucking between your thighs until your eyes rolled back and his name fell from your lips like hurried prayers, interrupting his slurping sounds,
âJaehyun, Jaehyun, JaehyunâŚâ
You angled your knees as you felt something tightening inside your lower stomach that you couldnât pinpoint. It had first started off as a small spark, but was now coiling into something bigger that tugged on every fiber of your body. You were quite sure the fact that Jaehyun sucked on your clit and simultaneously thrusted his fingers inside of you was responsible for this indescribable feeling, more so when he grabbed you by your bare cheeks with his hands and pressed you against his mouth even stronger.Â
You had had orgasms before. At least that was what you had thought. They had come like a small wave, giving you a pleasant feeling and luring a silent sigh out of you, and that had been it. This orgasm right now though was on a whole other level.Â
Your whole body tensed up as though trying to protect itself from what was about to come, but no resistance in the world could withstand the persistence of the man who loved you to make you feel good. The coiled up sensation exploded inside of you the moment you thought you were going to die from endless pleasure, and then spread not only into your body, but also mind.Â
There was no control over how your body reacted, you held onto Jaehyunâs head like a lifeline with your head lolled back, and screamed his name as though in need for help, your body leaking fluids in places you would have been originally embarrassed for, but Jaehyun loved it, every single reaction he was able to lure out of you.
Underneath him didnât lie the uptight, suppressed woman anymore, in pantsuits and with no hair out of place. It was a new woman he had now unraveled, with wild hair, heated cheeks, liberated and eager to explore worlds she had never set foot into before. And he would guide her all the way into his world.
With a grin, Jaehyun wiped over his smudged mouth while you were still trying to catch your breath, but eventually returned his expression, ready for more. His fingers were trembling a bit when he first got rid of your skirt and then unbuttoned your flowy blouse.Â
A flash of concern ran through your face in the blink of a moment when he undid the last button, but he understood. He helped you out of the garment, and when you eventually laid back again in front of him, bare-chested and naked from head to toe, he saw.
Jaehyun left no room for you to mistrust him though. Undressing himself from head to toe first, he then kneeled in front of you on the cushion and leaned in. With warm fingers, he reached out to your lower abdomen and then gently touched the spot of which you had been so afraid to let him see.Â
But the c-section-scar was a part of you and Jaehyun loved every single bit. âYouâre so beautiful,â he let out, and you believed every single syllable.
He had you tightly embraced with your legs around his waist when he slowly but deliberately pushed into you. At first, it hurt quite a bit, because you hadnât had been this intimate in so long, but when it showed on your face with a frown, Jaehyun paused and made sure you still truly wanted this with soft kisses on your temple and mouth, so that the tightness vanished almost right away.
He was settled inside of you, thick, full, and pulsing, and even though this was so much for you to take already, you wanted him to move, needed him to move. When he didnât instantly do so though, you nearly embarrassingly pushed up against him and tried to get a tiny bit of gratification by yourself.
Jaehyun laughed lowly and kind of threateningly. âTake deep breaths first, because you are in for a long ride.â
You winced when he pulled out and only let his tip remain, because you feared he would stop right here, but then met him with a breathless gasp when he slammed back into you full force. It cost you all the air in your lungs, but you needed him to do it again as well, because it had hit a spot you had always been convinced had never existed for you in the first place.
But it did. And Jaehyun penetrated it with every thrust that he alternated between fast and shallow and slow and deep. The couchâs cushion got wet and sticky under you, and your screams only grew louder too, but you didnât mind and didnât care, especially not when he suddenly flipped you over and you were sitting on him, having him sheathed deep inside your core.
âYouâre so beautifulâ, Jaehyun repeated. He stretched out his hand and curled a lock of your hair between his fingers that he then slid down along your breast, scar and let it eventually rest on your hip. âRide me,â he then pleaded, âride me, please.â
Despite the fact that you had never done that before, the motions came to you naturally with the guidance of his grip around your waist. It felt good for you to decide how deep and in which angle you wanted to have him, and as you were sliding along him, you felt another orgasm nearing that you unfortunately failed to chase.
âOut of breath?â Jaehyun asked, lids heavy after enjoying this sight too much.
âI want to cum again,â you confessed, âbut somehowâŚâ
Jaehyun returned to his former position, but this time, placed either of your legs across his left and right shoulder. You didnât know what else he was doing, but when he filled you all up from the inside again, you were feeling him so deeply and intensely like never before.Â
The second orgasm for this day found its root not in the pit of your stomach, but feeded on every inch of your body, so that it was an experience that left you shaking with all limbs, Jaehyun following along in long spurts across your stomach.Â
âIâve never imagined sex to be like this,â you admitted when you laid in his arms shortly later, a thin blanket draped over you. The office had long closed.Â
âLike what?â Jaehyun asked and kissed your temple.
âSo good.â
He laughed and pulled you closer to him. âThat was not even my best performance yet, trust me.â
You opened your mouth in wonder. âYou can do it even better? I can hardly believe it.â
âYou want to try?â he challenged. âDonât worry, we have all the time in the world to try out everything you want.â
âOkay,â you agreed. âAll the time in the world, for sure. But maybe we can still start with it tonight. You never know-â
You didnât have to call out to him twice before he disappeared under the blanket.
____
âI must say, Iâm impressed. I didnât expect this from you.â
The photos landed in front of your feet.
They showed everything.
Jaehyun and you entering your home dressed all in black, Jaehyun and you leaving the bar together, Jaehyun and you in the car in front of your parentsâ house, Jaehyun and you coming out of his office at different occasions. There were even photos from yesterday after you both hadâŚ
You stood in the living room, petrified, not even your eyes were able to move to look directly at the person that was approaching you.
âYou must wonder how much truth someone can spill when you just offer them more bribery money than the original party,â your mother-in-law said. âNeedless to say, the security guard no longer needs his job here after providing me with the respective videos. And the rest was the dedicated work of my private detective. I sensed that something was off and hired him shortly after reading the police report on the seeming robbery.â
When you eventually lifted up your head, she stood there, looking at you with much disgust. It was at that moment that you realized you lost. She was holding the divorce papers in her hands. They had never reached your husband first, but had directly landed in her hands instead.Â
âI donât care,â you sighed deeply. âI donât care anymore. I will sign anything, I am willing to lose everything. Just⌠let me go. Please, just let me go.â
You didnât want the money, you didnât need it. Money would come back, but time didnât, and every bit of energy you still invested in this family felt like you were losing a bit of your lifespan. You just wanted to leave and live a life dedicated to your loved ones from now on.Â
âFine.â You halted, waiting for her to continue as you could almost not believe what she had just said. It couldnât be so easy. âI am willing to let you out of this marriage, under one condition.â
Of course there would be. âWhat?â
âIâve dedicated my entire life to keeping this family together,â she elaborated, âand my hard work paid off when I married off my first son well, making him the CEO of the conglomerate at the same time. My second one⌠well, he was always a little too spoiled and never under as much pressure as his older brother. But I let it pass, because as long as our reputation didnât get stained, I wouldnât look at it twice. I now wish I had as he only grew foolish and reckless. How else would he have gotten the idea of falling in love and getting an almost teenager pregnant out of wedlock?â
âThis fact, we can agree on. But it was your fault that he grew up the way he is now,â you stated in defense. âHe has never learned to deal with emotions, and whenever problems occurred, you were there to clean it all up regardless of the people getting hurt along the way. It was partially your familyâs responsibility to make sure I was taken care of accordingly. The moment we married, I was your responsibility, too.â
Your mother-in-law screwed up her nose. âI did take care of these things my way.â
âAnd they were wrong!â you raised your voice, hoping that somehow, you could still speak some sense into her. âYou pressured me to sign a contract of which its repercussions I could not have known at that time yet. It was my right to consult a lawyer, but I was never given a choice just like your son has never been given a choice. I was only nineteen and stripped of all my future!â
âA child out of wedlock would have destroyed everything Iâve worked so hard for,â she pressed through her gritted teeth, reluctant to admit this. âI did it all to protect my family!â
You shook your head. âAnd look at that family now. Was it all worth it? Was it worth the life youâre living right now?â
She didnât know the answer to that apparently. âIf you had only borne that child like my son wanted so desperately too, the problems would have all dissolved themselves. I would have endured you. Maybe you could have been a happy little family after all. But even for that, you were too weak.â
It stung. The insults pierced right through your heart, but you remembered Jaehyunâs words, and only grew from there. âNo, we wouldnât have been. I would have taken the child and filed for a divorce nonetheless, I know that now.â
âYou ungrateful brat!â the elderly woman suddenly yelled. âDo you know how many girls out there would trade places with you? Youâve gotten everything someone could ever ask for, and for you itâs not enough!â
âBecause there is more to this world than money and reputation!â you screamed back. âItâs not my fault you have failed to see it while you still had a choice, too!â
You were never able to forgive her, that much was true. But somewhere under her hard facade, you were sure, was hiding a young woman who had once dreamed big too. A young woman your age, who had dreamed of the love of her life and her own business. A young woman, who had been robbed of these dreams way too early and had never been given a choice either.
But that young woman had failed to escape as long as she still was able to, and got replaced by a monster that couldnât figure its way out anymore, too entangled in a vicious circle that got passed on from generation to generation.
You wanted to break the circle and make your own choices. Perhaps, if you hadnât gone through the past two years, you wouldnât have had enough courage to feel like this now. Perhaps, if you hadnât gone through the past two years, you would have turned out like her.
The trauma had made you weak, but also much stronger at the same time. You still didnât understand, but in some way, you were grateful.
And the fact that you were now able to walk away was the reason you would always and forever remain superior to your mother-in-law.
âYou must really love that lawyer of yours,â she eventually broke through your thoughts. âI just wonder how far you are willing to go for him to fulfill your condition?â
____
âDid you get your important papers?â Jaehyun happily greeted you when he opened the door to his office. âYouâre back so early, is everything okay?â
The moment you hurried in his direction, he immediately knew that something was wrong. He put his index finger under your chin and angled up your head. The way your entire world shattered when he forced you to hold your gaze indicated that nothing would ever be okay again.Â
âYou have to leave, Jaehyun,â you insisted and grabbed onto his arms. âRight now.â
He didnât ask any questions, but trusted you fully on that. âOkay, let me just get my-â
âNo.â You shook your head. âThe country. You have to leave the country immediately.â
Now, he was stunned. âI donât understand.â
âMy mother-in-law knows everything,â you uttered with a trembling voice. You told him about all the bribery and the detective, and eventually about her ultimatum. âShe has collected a record of illegal activities reported against you, and she will go to the police with all of it to file a charge of your criminal activities. They have connections there, Jaehyun. She promised me if she wants, she will get you in jail. Is it true? Everything on the list?â
You recited a few bullet points you had been able to remember in a whim the short moment she was holding the paper in front of you. You directly saw it in his eyes, that fact that everything was as bad as it sounded. Robbery, data corruption, forgery, lying in front of the court⌠you named it.
âOh godâŚâ You needed a moment and sat down on the couch. âJaehyun, she can really put you in jail!â
âThen Iâll leave the country!â he instantly caved. âWe can live in New York or LA instead. Iâll book the next flight, we donât need anything. We will just start anew.â
But by your expression alone, he understood that this was only wishful, silly thinking. Only one of you could be free, and you werenât willing to trade his freedom for yours. He had always been free, you had always been caged. You didnât rob the person you loved of their freedom like your husband had done.
âNo⌠Donât make that face. Youâre not gonna stay married to him.â
âJaehyunâŚâ
He sank on his knees in front of you, taking your hands into his. âThen I will go to jail if it means you can get divorced to your advantage. How many years can I get anyway? I did many things wrong in the past and I donât want to be this kind of person anymore. I will legally atone for my crimes. If it means that youâre going to be free and live a happy life, then I am willing to do so.â
âI wonât ever be able to live a happy life if it is without you. I donât care about my money or my business anymore, Jaehyun. It will all come back, I still have time for this stuff. None of these matter now. What I care about is you. I wonât allow them to take you away from me. They took so much from me already. I canât lose you too and rip you of your future and prospects like they did with me. Itâs not worth it.â
âBut Iâm worth it?â he asked breathlessly. âHow do you know? How do you know you wonât regret everything again?â
You wrapped your fingers around his neck and pulled him nearer to you. âBecause you were willing to understand my pain and connect to my past. Because you left flowers on my babyâs grave and reunited me with my family. Because without you, I wouldnât have had the courage to do all this. Nobody has ever gone through such lengths for me. If this is not true love, then I donât want to live in a world this deluded.â You pressed your forehead against his. âAnd because I truly love you too, Jaehyun, I am willing to sacrifice this all.â
He reluctantly added, âThere is another way out⌠There must be.â
There was a hint of a faint smile on your face. âThere is not.â
âThere is always!â he opposed, almost desperately.
Jaehyun sank onto the cushion next to you and buried his face in his palms. Was that what defeat felt like? He had expected it to hit him hard and knock him off his feet like a wave. Instead, defeat felt like drowning. Slow, torturous drowning.
âPerhaps, but not now, not for us. If only we had been given a bit more time⌠But I was selfish and pushed too far, and if you donât leave the country now, you will go to jail. And if I leave with you, then all my beloved ones will pay the price, too. The damage would be more collateral. I cannot allow this to happen, so I will stay.â
âPromise me you wonât stop fighting.â He looked at you through heavy-lidded eyes. âThat you will still fight for your freedom with every help you can get. Promise me you will never give up.â
You were trying so hard to keep your composure, but ultimately all your walls broke and you were crying hot tears in Jaehyunâs arms. He held you tightly for what might be the last time ever as you repeated,
âI will keep fighting.â
____
Jaehyun had made a decision.Â
For that decision, he was currently collecting every tiny piece of evidence possible from his entire career as a divorce attorney.Â
He had always been very structured, detailed and thorough with his records, which was why it didnât take him long to find stuff that would be enough to lock him up for years. And he kept digging so as to not leave room for the police to find more than he would hand over. If he came clear with everything and turned himself in, punishment wouldnât be so hard and he could see you again in a few years time.Â
You didnât want this, he knew, but in a hopeless situation, this was the scenario that was the most hopeful.
Ironically, Jaehyun thought to himself, he had never been a person full of hope before meeting you.
âCan I come in?â
A monotonous male voice interrupted him, and he absent-mindedly answered, âIâm busy and weâre already out of the office hours. Come back tomorrow.â
âI just assumed you might want to read through these papers right now, checking whether I signed everything right.â
Jaehyun had never heard your husbandâs voice in real life before, but now that he had and looked up from his desk, he found it really matched his face. It was dull and boring, even though he was a conventionally good-looking, well groomed man in his early thirties - that much he was able to judge objectively considering he hated him to the core.
âI donât know whether youâre stupid or brave coming here,â Jaehyun said coldly. âIâll just freely assume itâs both.â
Mr. Kang let a bag, that Jaehyun only noticed now, drop on the floor, not reacting to his taunt at all. By your stories alone, he already got the impression that your husband wasnât a man of many words⌠or emotions and expression at all.Â
âInside here are a few clothes, her documents, ID and passport. She wanted to get these this morning, right? And here are the signed divorce papers.â He dropped the staple on Jaehyunâs desk. âIâve already consulted my lawyer. Whatever sheâs asking for, she will get. I will agree on everything.â
Jaehyun drew the paper across the surface closer to him. He turned a few pages and realized that no alterations had been made so far. And Mr. Kangâs signature was right there as well.
âWhere did you get this?â
âWhat my mother has gotten into her hands was a mere copy. The original documents had been handed over to me by the messenger the same day you had sent them out. I apologize that it took me so long. It was a decision easily made, but not easy to get through with my family. But my brother was very supportive and still is. My mother on the other hand, not so much when she will find out tomorrow. Iâll deal with it.â
Jaehyun closed the documents again and heaved up his head. âSo⌠thatâs all?â
âNo.â Mr. Kang quietly shook his head, continuing with his initial monotonous tone, âI cannot prevent her from filing a police report against you, and knowing her, she will directly do so first thing in the morning when I confront her with the facts. Thatâs why you have to make haste and leave the country. Here.â He placed a very obvious plane ticket on the desk that was booked under Jaehyunâs name, dated for today still.
It was not the first time Jaehyun was hearing these words, yet he stood by his decision. âI wonât leave like a coward. I will cooperate and get the punishment I deserve.â
âYou donât know what youâre getting yourself into,â Mr. Kang said, a little more emotion in his voice now. âDo you think when you get released, it will all be over? Itâs only going to start from then on. You will not only lose your practice license, but everyone dear to you too. You will never have a day of peace, and therefore, she wonât either. You donât want that life for her.â
Again, Jaehyun felt hopelessness choking him. He was willing to suffer the rest of his life for all of his wrongdoings if he must. He just didnât want to drag you down with him. âWhat should I do?â
âGo far, far away from here. Donât leave any trace and wait until the divorce is finalized until you let her come to you. I guess you have partners or assistants that can take over the legal parts for you in your firm. Anyway, I will make sure we will push through with the contract that you have set up.â
Jaehyun knew this was the silver lining in a near desperate situation. âCan I still tell her goodbye?â
âIf you want to ever see her again, then you must leave right now. The plane departs at midnight.â
âHow do I know I can trust your words?â
âIndeed, there is no way you can. But you don't have a choice.â
âCan I at least trust you to make sure she will be alright until she can come to me?â
âYes,â Mr. Kang confirmed, and for the first time, Jaehyun could make out a clear expression etched into his face. Relief? âAfter all, I have given her a promise at our wedding. I will keep her safe until itâs all over. Youâre not the only one, I want to atone for all my mistakes too. I just want you to know that I have truly loved her. I just wasnât capable of showing up when I was needed. So Iâm happy for her that someone is now.â
âI think this is something you have to tell her in person yourself. And many more things, probably.â
Mr. Kang nodded.Â
It was not Jaehyunâs place to judge other peopleâs relationships. What you had truly felt for each other at one point in your lives, it was up to you both to make out with yourselves - or not. Jaehyun just didnât want you to hurt any longer. Everything else was irrelevant to him.
âDonât expect a thank you, Mr. Kang.â
âIâm not. Iâm not expecting anything from you, Mr. Jeong.â
Jaehyun hurriedly grabbed the most important documents from his desk and the shelves all while preparing to drop by at his home real quick to pick up his passport. âCan you tell her something from me? Or not⌠whatever you want to do.â He had seldomly felt so at a loss for the right words. âIf you are willing to pass on my message though⌠She will arrive here soon and I need to be gone by then... Tell her to not come and say goodbye. I will contact her when itâs safe. I hope it wonât take long.â
âThis, I will do,â he confirmed. âFor her.â
____
Jaehyun had only packed a small bag with a few clothing pieces, some cash and important documents, nothing more. The papers he was taking with him included a specific file that gave him access to a secret bank account in another country into which he had booked different amounts of money any time he won a case. It wasnât as much as his real asset, but it came close and was definitely enough to start anew somewhere else.Â
âDo you carry any liquids in your bag, sir?â
Jaehyun shook his head. He had already put his bag and jacket on the tray, patting his pockets one last time to look for remaining items he still had to get rid of before passing the security.
âJaehyun!â
Brushing it off as an intrusive thought, he continued with his motions, until he heard again, this time from a clearly familiar voice,
âJEONG JAEHYUN! HOW DARE YOU!â
When he turned around, he caught you verbally fighting with the employees who checked the board pass before passengers moved on to the security. âLet me go, I have to talk to that person!â
âYou need a ticket to pass through here, maâam,â one of them carefully explained to you, flinching any time you made a move as he surely couldnât estimate your outburst.
âFine! Then Iâll buy one! Hurry up!â
âTo buy a ticket, you have to go the counter and-â
âI donât have time for that. Jaehyun!â
He didnât have enough time to process everything of the scenario that was now unfolding in his sight. You really dared to push one employee aside who then stumbled into the other oneâs arms. And before they could catch onto what was currently happening to them, you had already dropped your purse, gripped the railing with two hands and just jumped over the barricade like it was nothing.Â
In the background, Jaehyun perceived how the employees slowly caught onto the happenings after the initial shock and apparently called for backup with their walkie-talkies. Luckily, the TSA hadnât caught wind of your unruly behavior yet as both sections were partially separated by walls, so Jaehyun left everything on the tray behind and ran towards you as you were doing the same.Â
Quickly, he grabbed your hand and dragged you to one corner of the hall, right between these two airport sections, where it would take either party the longest time to arrive.
âWhy are you here?â Jaehyun asked, nearly out of breath when you came to a standstill. âYouâre supposed to pick up your bag from my office and go to your parentsâ house!â
âI know but I couldnât!â You squeezed his hand. âYou were really going to leave without giving me a chance to say goodbye? How dare you!â
âIâm sorry, I justâŚâ Only when he was at the check-in, it had dawned on him that he had made the wrong decision. Even if your husband had warned him, he should have taken that risk. That much, you owed the person you loved. âIâm just not good at saying goodbye. I didnât know what to say⌠even now, I donât know.â
âPlease donât do this! Donât strip me of my choice! Not you too!â
Jaehuyn shook his head and cupped your face. âI would never do that! I would have called or texted you right when I arrived. Even if it was risky. I just cannot bear⌠yeah, this. I didnât want to see you cry again. This time itâs my fault.â
With his thumbs, he brushed over your cheeks, wiping away your tears. From the corners of his eyes, he already saw the fetched security arriving at the section, looking in your direction. There was not much time left anymore.
âThis is my choice,â you said under tears. âYou are my choice. And if you donât come back, Jaehyun, I will fly over there myself, are we in the clear?â
He chuckled and you cracked a faint smile as well. âI believe you. I donât think we need a contract for that. It may take a bit of time⌠so will you wait for me?â
âI will always wait for you. Thatâs what I said, right? I will wait for my true love, no matter how much time it takes. Just please, if you can, donât take too long.â
Jaehyun wrapped his arms around you and pressed you against his chest. The security was already approaching you, but they werenât running, possibly because they had already sensed there was no danger radiating from you. Just two people in love who needed to say one last goodbye to each other.
âIâll hurry up,â he muttered into your hair and placed a kiss on your parting. âIn the meantime, go back to university, get your degree and work hard for your business, but donât forget to live your life, too. I want to return in time for your graduation ceremony.â
âJaehyunâŚâ You looked up to him with big, tear-filled eyes. âThen I will work hard so that it wonât take long.â
Eventually, the security reached them. âMaâam, we have to kindly ask you to leave.âÂ
Jaehyun let go of you before the two security men would drag you away from him themselves, and you unwillingly let him. âI promise Iâll be there!â
âI rely on your word!â you were still able to say before following the security out. âI love you!â
âI love you too.â
____
Police investigations started shortly after Jaehyun landed in the US. They were looking for him the next two years, and you had to stay apart for just as long.
He missed the moment you finalized your divorce after a year.
He missed the moment you re-entered university that same year.
He missed the moment you graduated with your degree a year later.
He missed every single important moment in your life.
____
âGRAND OPENINGâ
was written on the fancy border that hung over the entrance door to your small shop.Â
You hadnât expected for five people to already show up at the opening hour sharp, but you were well prepared and handed them a glass of champagne each. You walked them around, presenting to them a few of your hand-picked pieces.
There were gowns with reserved, classic cuts, more elaborate gowns with a lot of tulle, short skirts, long sleeved dresses, tight and wide dresses, and a broad selection of accessories like veils and gloves in addition.
âMy heart lies within this shop,â you explained to the group of women. âI want to gather as many different styles as possible to suit everyoneâs preferences. After all, itâs going to be the happiest day of your life, and you shouldnât only look beautiful, but also feel comfortable. Whatever you want to add or alternate on your overall look, me and my team will accommodate that. Please feel free to look around and call for me if you need my assistance.â
You moved behind the counter and looked excitedly at your first possible customers, being happy to share this day with the people special to you too as later on, your family and friends would pay you a visit for the official opening party.Â
There was always one person missing though, and whenever you thought of it, your heart got so heavy.
The opening of your own bridal shop was another milestone in your life that Jaehyun was missing. Even though two months ago it was announced that the Aewha Group had gone bankrupt because of a tax fraud having been committed over the years, he had still deemed it unsafe to return and wanted to wait a bit more.Â
You wondered why and slowly grew impatient as the police had already stopped pushing the case forward because of the lack of evidence as almost no one wanted to testify against him. Since the Aewha Group was now down as well and the owners had a fair share of other, graver problems to deal with, you had proposed to him to come pay you a visit.
âItâs too dangerous,â Jaehyun had said.
âThen Iâll come!âÂ
Again, he had said, âYou donât have to. Soon, I can return.â
But when was âsoonâ anyway as heâd been saying it for a year already?
In secret, you had already bought a plane ticket to California for next month. Two years had already passed in which you couldnât see each other, and if it continued, then you would be the one to go to jail for other reasons, you knew that, and those reasons included kidnapping the man you loved.
After an entire day of working where you had been successful to make fitting appointments with three bridal groups, it was time for the opening party. You saw your parents, grandparents, friends and other acquaintances, not only from the past, but also from the last two years, walk into your shop, gazing at the garments and celebrating with you.
There were beverages and snacks being served, everyone was dressed up and music was playing in the background. It was a gathering among the people close to you to celebrate the success you had been working so hard for the past two years.
You knew that, if you hadnât met a certain person, you wouldnât be standing here right now, giving a speech to your loved ones. But after all the trauma and pain, you were here, bright and successful with a future just as promising.
You just wished the person you were the most grateful for could have joined as well.
âThank you so much for coming and celebrating with me. Please enjoy tonight,â you ended your speech.
âThere is something I have to say too,â someone said in the background, and the hair on your neck suddenly stood up. âActually, there is so much I have to say, but I will try to keep it short.â
Only after a few seconds, you were able to break through the petrification. From the corner of your peripheral, you saw your friends giggling and your parents looking at you lovingly. Before you met his gaze eventually, tears already started to burn on the rim of your eyes.Â
You felt his warm hand on your naked arm, his fingers slowly sliding down to intertwine with yours. It had been so long since you had last seen each other in person, but as you now stood in front of Jaehyun, it felt like no time had passed at all.
He was just as handsome and well built as two years ago. If anything, he looked even better. Maturity suited him so well. He was smiling at you, but you couldnât bring yourself to mirror his expression with the same intensity, because different emotions washed over you all at once, so that you didnât know how to feel at first.
You wanted to get angry at him and yell at him why it had taken him so long.
You wanted to wrap your arms around his neck and have him hold you tightly.
You wanted to kiss him deeply and get undressed to feel every inch of him.
In the end, you didnât do anything but start crying. It was all just too much.
âWhy are you here?â you asked, still believing it was all not real.
You felt him squeezing your fingers. âI just couldnât miss another milestone of yours.â
âWhy did it take you so long?â
âThere were a few things I needed to sort out before I could return. Finding someone to take over my law office, for example. Just the formals.â
âWhy didnât you tell me, you idiot? I bought a ticket for next month!â
He threw his head back and laughed. âThatâs what I sensed and came here as fast as possible.â
âHow long are you going to stay?â you sniffed.
âThis time, I hope forever.â You saw him move in your blurry vision and blinked through your tears. Or better say, you saw it blinking in front of your eyes as he was holding a ring in front of you. âIf you let me be your husband, of course. So⌠will you? Will you accept me as your husband?â
You pouted. âWhere are we going to live?â
âHere, of course.â
âAnd youâre not on the run anymore?â
âI will only do stuff according to ethics, morals and the law.â
âCan I plan the wedding myself?â
At this point, you were only teasing him, but after what he had put you through, he let you. âYou can do whatever you want, I will say yes to everything my wife says.â
âVery well.â You paused. âUnder one condition.â
âHm?â
Then, you broke into a wide smile. Those tears on your face had always only been happy tears. âWe will never set up a prenup.â
âOf course,â Jaehyun agreed. âBecause we will never get divorced anyway.â
Then, you finally fell into his arms and kissed him deeply. It was like two missing pieces coming together, a surge of complete bliss streaming through your bodies the moment your lips met. This, this was it. This was what it must feel like to finally be with your true love. You never wanted to be apart again.Â
The ring looked beautiful on your finger, and as you both turned around to show it to your guests, you saw in their reactions that they had been let in on the planned happenings of this night quite a while ago.Â
Your opening party had magically turned into your engagement party.
#jaehyun#jeong jaehyun#nct#nct 127#jaehyun smut#jaehyun imagines#jaehyun scenarios#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun x you#nct smut#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct x reader#nct x you#nct 127 smut#nct 127 scenarios#nct 127 imagines#nct 127 x you#nct 127 x reader#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios
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"Well, this one is not very... good looking..."
Normal people upon seeing Riddler
#riddler brainrot#bakeoffposting#edit to clarify: to me he's some middle-aged guy who isn't conventionally attractive (ie: young smooth-faced twink)#like this man needs some wrinkles#he's really pretty to me but that's because i am obsessed with him. hence the 'normal people'#(i'm not saying wrinkles are ugly i just mean beauty standards and stuff)
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