#they make their male leads too perfect sometimes let him have more flaws

[helianthus21]

he can box huh. they dont make chickenshit male-wifes like gu chansung anymore😔

[trainwrecksys]

ok!!!!!!!! i am!!!!!!! going to just say it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! long long post ahead!!!!!!!!!

yes i look like an out of touch stan with a victim complex for one character when i draw no one but bentham in my fanart and completely ignore everyone else to feel sorry for him and yes i am aware and no i dont know if anyone else sees this in me or im just paranoid but bro i am annoyed with myself !!! i hate how stannish i am sometimes because yes bentham had every reason to be called evil but yeah i had a good few reasons to have a complete breakdown when i read that in the book !!!!!!!1 too much writing under the cut about a lot of stuff that is in my head and needs to get out for better or for worse idk

i have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement and i do not expect to be forgiven but genuinely the way me being a stupid shameless stan can come off to others even subconsciously is actually important because it makes me look like someone who would see a situation like the bentham siblings' in real life and side with the STRAIGHT WHITE MALE who has made more than mistakes and hurt people in moments of heightened emotion (end of library of souls)- but like not in defense of bentham for ONCE IN MY LIFE everyone feels emotions everyone gets hurt and he had a right to not be perfect after everything he went through but that doesnt mean hurting people is the course of action and bro i have completely ignored that and skirted around it for two years and IM NOT GONNA KEEP APOLOGISING FOR MAKING THIS TOO LONG BECAUSE IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE AND I REALISE HOW MUCH OF A STUCK UP DICK I COULD BE NOT ONLY ABOUT THIS BUT IN GENERAL LIFE AFTER I READ THE BOOKS AND GAINED AN ATTACHMENT TO BENTHAM

the stuff im talking about is honestly mainly between me myself and i and most of the art i post is him either chilling or feeling a bit sad but the way i completely ignore miss peregrine's issues and betrayal to focus on how oh so hurt and betrayed myron was like there was no reason he was exiled

like yes years in a big mansion with three people to keep him company in the middle of devils acre with no way to resolve his trauma can do shit to someone but what about years feeling his sisters guilt, BASIL????? what about how she mustve felt after both her brothers DIED due to their own hubris???????????? what about how she felt she was a bad sister when she literally had to be like their mother with all the baggage she had then actually mother children while thinking her slightly better brother might have been getting better with him saying he was gonna give them info on caul only to see him SIDE WITH CAUL when he had just done something that COULD HAVE HELPED HIS CAUSE and then spitefully capture her and lead them into the mouth of hell OH MY GOD

and how jacob and emma had to deal with his bullshit being all "lets talk over tea!" and waiting for when it was right in the exposition to tell them who he fucking was, then telling them he BASICALLY KILLED JACOBS GRANDPA while giving excuses and them finding out later on that hE KEPT THE SUUL FOR HIMSELF?????? i made some bullshit reason up why he did that for my headcannons but lets be real the only reason they could have at least imagined was that he was planning on using it in the library. the information betrayed them either way and to alma again it was only a stab in the gut because he hurt a guy who was basically her son

overall hes not some aesthetic victimised pookie bear hes a more than flawed man who only did some things to mend his image and cant be excused for what he did and this whole post was basically me shouting at myself

[colleensmangarecs]

Finished '&' by Mari Okazaki

Just wanted to do a little post of manga I've been reading lately. I make these on Twitter sometimes but I figured I don't post much on here and may as well make one for Tumblr peeps too.

& by Mari Okazaki was a very beautiful romance drama that asks what is love

I was really intrigued by this series despite going in blind. I only picked it up mostly knowing of Okazaki's notoriety as well as the fact this was licensed by Tokyopop way back when.

Firstly the art was absolutely gorgeous. Just top tier. It was very dreamy and ethereal while having a bit of edge to it at the same time. There were several pages of wordless interactions between characters that I lingered on for longer than if I was reading text.

The story was also really good although just not as engaging at all times. I really loved the main character of Kaoru. She was always trying so hard to do her best and everyone else just constantly put her down. She unfortunately never really got a big 'Fuck you' moment though. I don't know if she really *needed* one perse but it just would've been more cathartic with how much everyone around her just never let her live. Constantly giving unwarranted advice that she always took to heart.

The two male characters were absolutely atrocious though. At times I would be like "okay they're doing better" but then they'd just say or do the stupidest thing that would make me wish Kaoru would drop both of them. The doctor character clearly had trauma and it made sense why he couldn't fully commit to a relationship... but man.... would he still annoy me so much. You can be non-committal and not be an asshole at least. Also he wore crocs so like I did not see what Kaoru saw. The other male lead Shiro was an embarrassment. I was rooting for him more in the beginning but by the end the man was so inept at communicating that I wanted him gone as well.

A few of the female side characters were compelling and I wish we had more time with them. We did get the extra chapters that focused on them more but I would've liked even more. They were both flawed but still likable people.

In the end, it was a really engaging series. Sometimes being mad at characters is a good thing because it keeps you reading and interested. I thought the ending was perfect too although a bit rushed. Overall a really good series that was a great introduction for Okazaki's work. I'm going to be checking out Suppli hopefully soon.

Ended up giving the series a 7.8/10

[a-secret-bolton-vampire]

CW: Misogyny

(This is not an essay. This is a manic-induced rant about the fandom.)

HotD time soon, which means the dudebros will be out and about shaking their firsts cursing Sara Hess (who apparently is to blame for everything bad and must be removed from the show at all costs cuz she rightfully did not understand why people defend Daemon's actions) for hating men or whatever manufactured outrage they'll cook up next...

So, let's talk about what the show is not about first. It is not a misandrist piece of media that says men evil women good. That's so blatantly false it's genuinely baffling to me how anyone can reach that conclusion. It is also not about how the Blacks are better than the Greens or that the writers have a bias (what writer doesn't have a bias? I know I do). Remember, the Blacks and Greens are not real. This is fiction.

Yes, we get emotionally attached to characters (as I have) but there is no slander or character assassination going on. Hell, these characters literally have zero characterization (and sometimes contradictory characterization) in Fire & Blood. The writers haven't gone on twitter to cancel Aegon because he said something controversial. Because they are characters and they serve a purpose in the story, whether good people or not.

Now, let's talk about the way the fandom doesn't get certain themes. There is this recurring motif that the men want war and the women want peace. Think about it for maybe two seconds. In this very patriarchal gendered world, men are expected to be tough, hold in their emotions, be warriors and fighters. While war is considered maybe not ideal, knights are revered and men still have a particular expectation in this society.

Naturally, the toxic masculinity of Westeros is going to make quite an impression on some of the male characters in the show; Aegon, Aemond, Criston, Daemon. Mix that with their numerous neuroses and you don't get the most peaceful, calm, and rational people in the world.

Even disregarding that, there is a more thematic reason why the show went this direction. It explores the way patriarchy is an inherently violent, self-destructive system. Rhaenyra and Alicent, despite being in positions of power, are restricted by what the men around them allow them to do. This in turn adds to the tragedy of them trying to desperately avoid war even though it is unavoidable. It's sad, it's frustrating, and it's showing the flaws of the system.

This leads into a discussion for Alicent and Rhaenyra. The fandom is completely normal and not insane about these two. There is a lot of criticism about the characters being too "perfect", and that they lack agency and thus are less compelling than their book counterparts. There is so much to unpack here so lets take them one at a time.

No, Alicent and Rhaenyra are not perfect. Both make a ton of mistakes, do awful things, all the while they try to be decent and honourable. Rhaenyra has lied and killed for her own gain. She spared Laenor, but still killed an innocent servant and caused a massive deal of grief for the Velaryons by making them believe their son was dead. Not saying she is the worst person ever, but that was a pretty big political mistake even if she needed Daemon to be her sword to wield.

Alicent too is imperfect. I have so much sympathy for her and Rhaenyra, which is good since they are the two people at the core of the story, and being sympathetic is a very good trait to have in a protagonist! For me the biggest highlight of all is the way she treats her children. She is abusive. They do not feel that unconditional love from her. Aegon especially had a raw deal, with the way she not only verbally and emotionally abuse him and put immense pressure on him to becoming king, but also the way she physically abuses him. He's probably got PTSD from a lifetime of parental abuse (a lot of what Alicent and Viserys do to their children is something I have personally experienced with my own parents). This isn't even mentioning Helaena or Aemond. All of her and Viserys's children are like this. It's a huge, huge flaw of hers.

Now, what about agency? Alicent and Rhaenyra lack agency and they can't be the bad bitches like Cersei before them. I'm just gonna say it: I am glad they aren't like Cersei.

This is a story that, at its core, is about patriarchy and misogyny. Anyone who says that is not present in the book is honestly delusional or stupid. Is it the only theme of this story? No! But is it a major theme? Yes! It can still be about this and something else too! But anyways, the complaining about "lack of agency" is so weird considering this. Did we not watch the same episode 9? I feel like I took crazy pills with everyone talking about the "inconsistency" of Alicent's character.

Genuinely, this is such a pervasive idea in the fandom and it drives me insane trying to figure out how they missed the fucking point of episode 9! Or to explain more calmly, that was an episode of Alicent trying to regain agency. When she is upset by the Green Council, it is not because she doesn't want to crown Aegon. The opposite actually. She is upset they plotted behind her back without her input, and so the race to find Aegon is the race to find who will ultimately influence the king. Alicent finds him first and Otto accepts defeat.

And yet in the end her actual influence is in question. Because Alicent is trying to work within the confines of a patriarchal system, which further restricts her actual agency. This is a Shakespearean tragedy, and Alicent's own decisions ultimately spell her doom (based on what we have been told of season 2, which I will get to later).

Here is the thing: in exploring a show about misogyny, you do not need the characters to be triumphant. The story of the Dance is not a story of triumph. It is a story of trauma, bad decision making, bloodlust, and loss. To think this is gonna be a story about how Alicent and Rhaenyra stick a middle finger to the patriarchy is a fundamental misunderstanding. Instead, this is a show about how patriarchy is not a stable or rational system of power structure. Having Alicent and Rhaenyra have to claw their way to have agency is the fucking point.

Also I might add that in the book neither character actually displays much agency. Rhaenyra sits around and cries while her son makes the big decisions, and Alicent just disappears from the story after Aegon is crowned. What "agency" is there to be had? I have a sneaking suspicion that chuds don't like Alicent or Rhaenyra not being misogynistic caricatures...

People say that women should be rich, complex characters all on their own and then want them being literal caricatures of what misogynists view women in power as. That is not complexity. Saying "mayhaps the whore will die in childbirth" is not complexity. That's just Alicent being an asshole. Rhaenyra's entire character going "this is my birthright and I will have my brother's head!" is not complexity. "Rhaenyra not leading is the point" is not complexity.

As much as I really don't like Fire & Blood, even I am aware that the book is bias due to the perspective of the maesters that wrote it in-universe (and yes the book is the book and the show is the show but I'm making a point). Women are often smeared in the histories, and even today men pay much closer attention to any real or perceived faults women have and hone in on that with intense scrutiny men don't usually have to worry about (especially women who go outside gender norms).

This bizarre call to make Alicent and Rhaenyra more unlikable because "muh complexity" is nonsensical because it's asking to fall into the same stereotypes about women the book does (uncaring power-seeking bitches who are incapable of friendship and have uncontrollable emotions).

On that note, Rhaenyra and Alicent's old friendship is the best change made book to show. There is an extra layer of tragedy to it all and makes the characters a lot more complex. But wait, isn't the war between Aegon and Rhaenyra? Why is this Hightower whore stealing the spotlight on my war crime king?

No no no. This is another misunderstanding. The war is between Rhaenyra and Aegon, yes. That is how everyone remembers it. Aegon is a character I actually quite adore for just how messy and utterly vile he is. I can't wait to see him in action. But there is no relationship between Aegon and Rhaenyra. Not in the show, and definitely not in the book either. The main rivalry has always been Rhaenyra and Alicent.

This is in Fire & Blood. Who created the Blacks and who created the Greens? Rhaenyra and Alicent. Who has an established relationship and history (as badly written as it is)? Rhaenyra and Alicent? What was the novella in which the Dance is first described called? The Princess and the Queen. The war may be between Queen Rhaenyra and King Aegon II, but the rivalry has always been focused on Rhaenyra and Alicent. This insistence to remove Alicent off the promotional posters and place Aegon is... kind of misogynistic? Like, Alicent is narratively more important to the story and people want to replace her with her son who, while important, is not as important?

And also, you can like Aegon and want to see him have a larger role. I know I do, even if he is a fucking bastard. You can dislike the show or what I said for any number of reasons. Some people who aren't raging misogynists have perfectly valid reasons to dislike it. I'm just explaining about the most vile part of the fandom that grinds my gears so badly it hurts.

Also, I'm not even going to go into the whole Team Black/Team Green thing. All I'll say about it is: I hope they all look sexy while doing war crimes <3

[ianschip]

chip.conversation>memory>appeal.levels.exe

Okay chip, you wanted to know my current situation with my sexuality. And my relationship with my appeal levels. Ready yourself for the worst text you’ll receive in your infinite life.

I am witnessing never before seen levels of attraction. Actually impressed. It’s beyond anything I could have planned.

The guy that I stopped talking to because he was in an open relationship sent me a 5 paragraphs long text this week, explaining me why am I so special, telling me he has dreamed non-stop about me. He feels sorry for not breaking up, but if I’m being honest, I would never even be with someone that has the capacity to be inside an open relationship. The line I will not cross. Here’s an extract of what he told me:

My first ex-boyfriend texted me saying enough time has passed and that he wants to meet. He had a golden heart, and that’s what matters the most, so I think I will reply when the time is right.

The guy who was my friend in university, the sweet dude who had a girlfriend back then, had a date with me in my house, it wasn’t only perfect, it was fun, it was really fun, we laughed non-stop and we ended in my bedroom’s floor whispering to each other. I noticed my masculine energy being more dominant inside of me too.

The guy I met when I was possessed by the dancing spirits, found me again and texted me wanting to meet. I won’t. But it was nice to read.

Even strangers, even close friends like Sebastian, even people I barely know, and even people that I dislike like Franklin; it’s a lot to take in.

In one of the many occasions where Karen and I escape my house at 3AM to go dancing with Franklin, he was telling me something that I couldn’t understand so I told him to write it down in my phone. This is what he wrote down:

And I won’t even bring up the forbidden encounters with people I shouldn’t have met in the first place. But it all has led me to conclude that I no longer need to put any effort in being a version of myself to be attractive, the character I’ve built based on reading, writing, exercising, meditating, giving unconditional love and freedom of expression has finally seen the light.

Even my interactions to make business and talk with important men has shifted, I am more confident, I can sustain eye contact with a firm voice to carry my message, leading sometimes to find what I want.

Another weird fact is that multiple people have told me they’ve dreamed of me.

Being humble is not my forte, HAHAHAHAHA so I can proudly say that my soul is polished enough that I can have that effect, I will try to no let it get into my head, but as someone who never acknowledges his charisma, it’s nice to write this text to show appreciation towards myself. I think I’ve earned it, specially after the hospitalization.

•••

Look, here’s the thing, I’m not perfect by any means. In fact, I am incredibly flawed. So here are some things I have been learning along the way: loving strangers, forgiving and admiring.

And my toxic habits… oh, the toxic habits… well they are decreasing. I no longer have a tobacco addiction. But then there’s other types of toxicity, right? Yeah, I checked my ex’s twitter like 2 weeks ago. It was fine because I realized he liked a tweet bashing certain zodiac sign. it said something like “it’s okay if ur a scorpio just dont do it in front of me”, which I thought it was extremely pathetic. The stupid algorithm showed me his art account, I peaked, found a comment by a woman saying she wants her own portrait; foolish to think you’d take place in an account with exclusively male thirst traps; not a single woman, not a single anything else. It reminded me of another tweet I read, “la misma gata rebrandeada”. I really settled when I was at my most suicidal and vulnerable time and when I got better and asked for more it was denied.

And then I blocked the account to never see it again, and I stopped; I didn’t see anything else again. It served me well for the last impression I’ll have of him. One last look at that thing I never want to be.

And I need a schedule, it will fix some other toxic habits. Everything else is going well, economically, romantically and mentally. My psychologist gave me the thumps up to end the therapy process. You know, if your healing journey lasts forever, you’re doing it wrong. But I did it right. Thank God, thank you, universe.

That’s it for now. Happy new year, chip.

Happy 2024! Ian Serratos.

[eatsbop]

The way Bomi's written pisses me off for no reason, she's useful only when the antagonist gotta use her as bait or sth... and uhh do we know anything ab her other than the fact she likes Hobin?? Miss Lola from sharktales was definitely bad and only ruined Seongjoon's character, but Bomi makes my blood boil, inconsistent ass personality & no flaws or interesting traits

Just... just don't let Park Tulio write female characters.

Hehe hello, anon. I tried talking to Tulio about this. I was all, "Bro, we need to have a conversation." And he was all, "How'd you get in my house?"

If it wasn't for Tulio forcing Bomi as Hobin's main love interest, Bomi would have been fine. When she was first introduced I thought Tulio meant for this character to be Hobin's perfect, goody two shoes, way out of his league crush.

And what's wrong with that, right? We have Ji Yeonwoo. He's perfect, goody two shoes, and way out of his fangirls' league. Well the difference is Bomi is The Female Lead and WE, as a fandom must support this agenda. But that went downhill because Gaeul and Rumi were actually more engaging as characters. They're clumsy, they're funny, they belong to planet earth like the rest of us. So Tulio started sneaking in changes. Bomi's clumsy too, she makes mistakes too.

"I'll give you my severance pay!"

"Bomi, you'll only receive a severance pay if you've worked in a company for at least a year.."

Gaeul is funny making some childish mistake cause that's who she is. Our little chick, Gaeul. But Bomi? That was kind of eh. I mean.. Tulio painted (at least for me) her as this capable young lady who, despite coming from a wealthy family, is out there to carve her own place in the world. Why was she suddenly so clueless of the system?

Rumi is a diva? Well, Bomi will be a diva too. But while Tulio was ready to take risks on Rumi (wager her character as a temporary villain) for her character development.. he just took a shortcut on Bomi and her diva moment made her.. just a diva. A jerk who's full of herself. Bomi's sensible image shatters into pieces.

But wait, what's wrong with being a jerk? Taehoon is an asshole yet he's easily one of the most popular characters of this series. Well.. we actually went through a lot with him. He's flawed but he is forgivable. We've seen his character stretched. We've seen him suffer. We recognize what motivates his actions. Sometimes he's just an asshole for no reason too, but yeah assholes do exist in the world so there you go.

I think Bomi would have been fine if she were more of a Bomi than an amalgamation of traits that sold other characters. If she had stayed as this quiet normal citizen she would have provided a contrast against Hobin's wild life experiences and maybe that would have given their ship a little more chemistry.

And yeah Lola (lmao lola of sharktales). Tulio just dropped her in the story from out of nowhere and ruined everything Seongjoon is. I've complained about this before so you probably don't want to hear it again lol.

Hehehehehhenyway. I'm not a writer and I know absolute shit about writing so am I in any position to judge Tulio? Actually yes because I'm just that handsome. Take that lookism, bro.

Should Tulio be banned from writing female characters? Well I don't think there's a law for that. And if it is his intention to write some bland characters that serve no purpose except as trophy girlfriends, or to reinforce a guy's maleness.. he's done exactly that. I demand a nobel peace prize for not cussing in this paragraph btw.

[prettywordsyouleft]

To Be Continued - Part 7

Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead

Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)

Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy

Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>

Word count: 2198

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue

It was as if you were writing a new novel. Instead of focusing on how Charli Evers would finally get with her battered beau, you were at the peak of experiencing all the emotions and excitement that came from a new romance. You were enjoying playing the main protagonist for the first time in your life as well.

“What are you doing?” Brian asked with a hint of amusement in his tone. You leaned in even closer, already entangled together on the couch after watching a movie, and lifted your index finger.

“Counting.”

“Counting what?”

“How many lashes I gave you,” you murmured, your gaze honing in on one eye. You let out a whistle when you finished. “I gave you so many! Why are you this perfect?”

“I don’t see myself as perfect at all. You sure made a point of that in my creation, too.”

“How? You’re handsome, protective, honest, playful, charming, sensitive, and did I mention handsome?”

Brian’s lips curled up some from your description. “I think you might have said it twice.”

“Because you truly are that good looking!” you surmised, and Brian chuckled.

“Is being handsome all that matters to you?”

“Well, no.” You blinked a couple of times whilst trying to come up with an answer that didn’t make you feel shallow. The truth was, you really did enjoy looking at him a whole lot.

Over the past two weeks, that was what you had done an awful lot of. No matter what mundane task Brian did, he looked exceptional doing it. His laugh was music to your ears, and his voice made your heart flutter constantly. Any time he smiled, you worried your knees would give way, and on the rare chance they actually did, the way he caught you so easily with his strong embrace had you swooning further.

You wondered if this was all a dream. Instead of Brian coming out of your laptop, and your novel, perhaps you had died from your illness. That would explain why everything lately had felt so heavenly at his side.

Either way, you didn’t want to wake up or move on to the next realm. This was where you wanted to remain forever.

Especially when he kissed you. Leaning in to break you out of your reverie, Brian’s luscious lips pecked yours twice, a chuckle vibrating out of him when you realised you had zoned out again. “You’re too adorable.”

“Hardly.”

“If you keep calling me handsome, I’m allowed to call you how I see you.”

You sighed heavily and attempted to pull away from the man. “I don’t want to be just adorable if you’re handsome, Brian.”

“What do you mean?”

“Charli Evers is beautiful! She’s stunning and successful and has a body that would make any male swoon over her. She’s a goddess, and I’m just adorable.”

“You’re really adorable when you’re jealous,” he mused and shook his head, reaching out to pull you back in close to him again. “Charli isn’t real like you are.”

“What if she comes to her senses and finds out that you’ve left that world. She could come here, and it would be no competition between us!”

“You’re right. It wouldn’t be. Because I’d choose you over her every time.”

You scoffed loudly and pulled yourself away again, going over to the kitchen to get a drink of water to cool down. It was hard enough having insecurities as a person, and when you had lived alone, you barely thought of them, too busy up in worlds like Captivated to truly care. Your flaws, at points, made good fodder for some character traits, but you never wrote yourself fully into a world. You had come close in Destined, but even the main protagonist there was far more charming than you were to hook Park Jinyoung as she had.

Brian’s arms slipped around your waist, and he dropped his chin onto your shoulder. “It’s all about perception. You see Charli as superior to you. But she’s the type of woman you see in a magazine. Flawless, beautiful, and whilst you no doubt have made her relatable to your fans of the series as a person, as she does have a good soul, you are real. You aren’t sculpted to perfection. You aren’t going to star on the front cover of any Vogue or Marie Claire. Instead, you are starring as my leading lady.”

“I’m not sure if I’m flattered or not,” you mumbled, turning around to face Brian. “Maybe I want to be on the front cover.”

“It’s not in your personality to stand out like that. You much prefer this lifestyle. Domestic and homely and comfortable.”

“So she’s sexy, and I’m homely,” you deducted, whilst Brian groaned loudly.

“Can’t we go back to the part where we were thinking of just us? I don’t like you comparing yourself to someone else.”

“I’m sorry,” you admitted, lowering your gaze from his. Brian had a habit of making sure you were always looking at him, and he easily fished out your gaze again, smiling gently when he caught your eye. You sighed. “I guess whilst I made you to be the dream guy for me, and those who read my series, I never quite realised the impact you would have on my world if I actually had you.”

“If I have to make a point of telling you how much I appreciate and adore you daily, then so be it.”

“You shouldn’t have to though,” you pointed out, going around him and heading into your office. Brian followed you and leaned against the threshold as you sat down in your chair.

He nodded his head. “No, I suppose I shouldn’t. But isn’t that what makes a relationship work? I support you, and you support me. When one of us feels lower than the other, then it’s important to make sure they feel cherished and loved.”

“Loved?” you repeated, your eyes widening at his choice of words. Brian cleared his throat noisily, looking around your room as opposed to keeping eye contact. You smirked. He was cute when he was embarrassed.

“Isn’t it time to write, Miss Writer?”

“Perhaps I just got some inspiration for my starting point of Eternity. I mean, in the story, Charli Evers is cherished and loved by Brian Kang, isn’t she?”

“Have your fun at my expense.”

“It’s all those good lines I breathed into you. No wonder you make the world swoon, Brian. You’re full of the perfect lines to make any girl weak at the knee,” you told him as you opened your document for the final piece in this story. Admittedly, it was blank and had remained that way for some time. You knew it was because you were too busy with Brian in person that you couldn’t possibly think about writing about him as well.

However, you had received notice from Lily earlier in the day about your next deadline, and so you had promised after one movie tonight, you would end your evening with starting the next novel.

Glancing over at Brian who was still in the doorway, you smiled, and he nodded. “As long as you know it’s your knees I want to make weak every time. Have a good session, my love.”

However, two days later, you were still staring at a blank page. It wasn’t without trying, of course. You wrote, only to erase the sentence immediately. You told yourself to just let the words flow out and not edit them until you were done. Except nothing but a trickle of nonsense made it onto the document each time and after every gruelling session, you found yourself exhausted, mentally, and from simply staring at a blank page.

In all your years of creative writing, you had never been as stumped as you were now. It made no sense! You were living and breathing your own romance in life. Surely, the amount of affection Brian poured over you would easily inspire you enough to write it out. And generally, when you stepped into your office to write, it came from feeling inspired and uplifted to write about a world where love conquered all.

As soon as you were in front of your laptop, however, words failed you.

You had tried everything, from changing your writing schedule to practising with unrelated scenes. That had you hopeful. Every time you wrote a drabble about something outside of this series, you were capable of penning an entire world. In fact, you had now written a series of short stories about random characters and scenarios with relative ease. The success you felt from doing these was short-lived as soon as you opened Eternity, however. Nothing formed, nothing came to mind.

Nothing.

“Maybe it’s because I don’t want to share Brian with Charli,” you wondered out loud, immediately shaking your head. Whilst the Brian you were falling for fast, was that of the same Brian Charli would risk her all for, inside your literary world, you felt no need to keep him to yourself. You wanted Charli and Brian’s story to wrap up with a neat bow after their final tribulations of proving their love would outshine the obstacles in their way. You were determined to gift your readers what you had planned all along for the star-crossed lovers. And you needed to send Charli off on her merry way with a confirmed end.

Whilst your story with Brian continued.

“Just write something, Y/N!” you instructed yourself to do, poising your fingers above the keys.

It was a struggle, but they began to move, and you hoped this time would be the official start of your novel.

“So, what do you think?” you asked cautiously, staring at Lily as she read over what you had sent her.

Your editor didn’t say a thing, and sometimes that was a good notion. You had rendered her speechless yet again.

However, you knew better than that. She wasn’t speechless, she was in disbelief. Lily finally looked at the web camera on the video call and blinked several times. Pulling off her glasses, she wiped at them before placing them back over her eyes. And then she screamed incoherently.

“Lily, I can explain.”

“You better, and fast,” your editor stated back, trying to recompose herself. “This isn’t your writing.”

“Well, it is,” you told her, attempting to smile. Her laser glare wiped it off your lips, and you groaned. “So I think I’m having a writer’s block.”

“But you don’t suffer from writer’s blocks, you overcome them before they get to that level. What have you been doing for the last month that this is all you can turn in for me to look over?!”

“I’ve been a little preoccupied,” you announced, rocking back and forth in your chair. “And it’s sort of been hard to write.”

“I don’t buy it. You love to write.”

“I mean, I have been writing,” you agreed, grinning sheepishly. “Just not on what I’m contracted to be doing.”

“Y/N!” she whined, and you sighed heavily. “How are you going to make up time if you don’t even have a first chapter formed?!”

“I don’t know exactly, but do you think delaying the third story, especially since my second one is only at the publisher’s now preparing to print, can happen? I’m sure we don’t need to bang this series out one after the other. The hype from the wait will make it only more worthwhile for the fans!”

“Not if you plan on producing this type of rubbish! There’s no life in this part you’ve sent me! It’s as if Brian’s soul was sucked clear of this world and only Charli remains.”

You choked on the drink you had reached for, and this alerted the man in the adjacent room, your hands waving him off inconspicuously before Lily saw him.

You didn’t know what your editor’s reaction would be to find out your writer’s block stemmed from you dating someone. And you certainly didn’t want to find out either.

“That’s it, I’m coming over!”

“Lily, that’s unnecessary. You don’t have to!”

“Oh, but I do. My star writer is fumbling around and not focusing enough on what she needs to be doing. Boot camp is on its way.”

“I could help her,” a new voice added to the conversation and you clamped your eyes shut as you heard the wind being knocked out of Lily entirely. Brian crouched down at your side and smiled at the camera. “Lily Morton, correct?”

“You know my name.”

“Of course. You’re an important figure in my life.”

“I… I am?!”

“I mean, you help Y/N with her stories a whole deal, so that’s a special role to have.”

“Y/N, who is this person? He looks far too familiar and yet I feel I haven’t quite met him in the flesh before.”

“It’s a--” Catching yourself from your stalemate sentence, you smiled. And for some reason, you felt compelled to introduce him properly to someone. Before you even realised it, the words fell from your mouth.

“You’ve kind of met him already, Lily. This is Brian Kang, the star of our series.”

_________________

Part 8

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[nctinfo]

[TRANS] Johnny & Jaehyun’s interview with W Korea May 2020 issue!

Today was a day where we borrowed the cinematic imagination of the 1996 film <Romeo and Juliet" directed by Baz Luhrmann and created two Romeos. Both of you portrayed the 'Modern Day Romeo' well, how did you think the shooting went? Johnny: It felt like we came out to play. The setting too, it felt just like any small town in America. When I was leaning against the bed during the shoot, I danced excitedly while holding a bunch of grapes (laughs). Romeo, I think, is someone who is honest with his feelings and who wants to achieve love till the end. Thanks to this, regardless of what others might think, I had fun during the shoot. Jaehyun: From the Hawaiian shirts with palm trees to leopard print belts. Above all, the outfits were bold. The point of today was to act like someone who plays around and has always worn this kind of style. There was a scene [in the movie] where Romeo flips over the white blankets and plays around with Juliet, but it wasn't easy [to portray that scene] because of the blood that rushed to my face (laughs).

It’s a shame we don’t have a Juliet today. If you were to summon Juliet right now, what outfit would she appear in? And what do you imagine would be the first thing she says? Johnny: A simple outfit would be nice. For today’s shoot I was wearing a white short sleeved t-shirt and cream coloured jeans, so Juliet would have a similar vibe and would say ‘Are you doing well?’ filled with affection and excitement. Jaehyun: She’d appear in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. With a short ‘I missed you’.

There are two male leads in the movie <Romeo and Juliet>. There is Romeo who is a romanticist with rich emotions but who is hesitant in front of love, and there is Tybalt who is a calm strategist but sometimes emits fiery charms like a bulldozer. Between the two, who do you feel like you're similar to? Johnny: I think I'm similar to Tybalt who wants to be like Romeo. I'm the type of person to carry out something immediately when you decide on it. On the other hand, I want to learn from Romeo's attitude to be faithful and honest with your feelings the moment you fall in love. Jaehyun: I'm the opposite of Johnny. I think I'm Romeo who wants to resemble Tybalt's calm and analytical side. Normally, I'm the type to follow my feelings rather than reasoning, so if I had to choose between the two, it would be Romeo.

If some day your story gets made into a movie, what song would you want to be played in the ending credits? Johnny: On bright sunny days like lately the mood is refreshed and tender. If the movie will be about me in spring, then Mac Miller’s ‘Circles’ would be nice. If I ever get to make a movie in the future, any Coldplay song would be good. Coldplay’s music feels like home, music genres come and go, but in the end when I need stability I always seem to turn to Coldplay. Jaehyun: In my own movie, first of all I don’t think we need a post credit scene (laugh). I’ve always cherished Chet Baker’s ‘I fall in love too easily’. It’s a tasty song that you can listen to on repeat with an empty head, without thinking anything. Chet Baker’s trumpet performance and voice always strangely draw my ears in.

The title song 'Kick It' of your 2nd full album <NCT#127 Neo Zone> that was released in March actively incorporates the identity of cine kids hero, Bruce Lee. Taking over Bruce Lee's baton, is there a movie protagonist who you want to express musically? Johnny: Exactly two people come to mind. First, Brad Pitt from the movie <Fight Club>, I want to try a song with a strong beat with a fighter's unique fiery temperament. It would be great to incorporate the shocking twist of the movie. The other is Will Smith in the movie <The Pursuit of Happiness>. It's a 'life' movie I want to give five stars. No matter what twists and turns, it's a movie that eventually ends with a happy ending. It would be nice to sing [a song] with a message that even though it's hard now, you'll be happy in the end. A slow ballad would suit that, right? Jaehyun: Even though I acted as him today, Romeo would be fun [to express]. It would be a song that shouts love, but it would be perfect if it contains everything from joy, anger, sorrow, and pleasure like in the movie. When I think of James Dean in the movie <Rebel Without a Cause> I imagine music that puts together spicey funky beats based on the old sounds of jazz bands. Recently I'm really into jazz, soul, and R&B, so a band sound is essential.

Even if it's not someone who everyone knows like Bruce Lee, is there someone you two consider to be a hero? Johnny: I don't really express it well normally, but my mom? I'm an only child that was born late, so I always stuck to my mother when I was young. Looking back, I think my mother was a person who sacrificed herself to her family but still valued her happiness. I want to resemble the way she always lives consciously while having fun. It was my mother who taught me how to feel and enjoy every moment. My mom often told me that the experience of 'trying' something is important. For example, I spent my childhood in the United States, and no matter what, we always celebrated the independence day, which is on July 4th, with family and watched the fireworks. On days when the moon was bright and full, we'd be outside watching it. Thanks to this, I think I've grown up as a person with rich emotions. Jaehyun: my grandmother. Despite nearing 80 years old, she had been a dancer until recently and is now retired. She doesn't miss the broadcasts I appear on and watches everything, and after the broadcast ends, she will always send me long KakaoTalk messages with feedback. Because she's a dancer, there are times when she points out my fingertips and neckline but in general, she tells me what kind of mindset I should have when it comes to life. I always get advice from teachers and people around me, but strangely, every word from my grandmother seems to really pierce me. [She tells me] Don't mind others, live enjoying everything you can take on. I still hold [those words] close to me.

It's been quite a while since the first stage you did in the name of NCT 127. What was the driving force behind you during this long time? Johnny: fans, members, family. Looking back, it seems like it was people that led me. Fans are the 'reason' for me to do something. The members are my companions who walk together for this reason, and wouldn't my family be my roots. Having a place to go back to is a completely different story. I think it's family that shows me that I can fall sometimes and that I have somewhere to go back to. Jaehyun: I was able to endure my trainee days purely because I liked music. It's the same now. Of course, our fans who like our music and who come and watch our stages are a great strength too. One difference is that, until now, I relied on the people around me and tried to lean my body on the 'crew', but I seem to have found a driving force within myself recently. I give myself strength by pushing myself or complimenting myself, that's how I find enlightenment within myself. In this sense, as a human, I feel like I'm going through a time of maturity.

If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself if you could pat yourself on the back right before going up on the stage for the first time? Johnny: ‘Have confidence. Even if your spirits fall, work on everything’. I don’t know how it might have looked on the outside but my state of mind now seems to be very different from then. I’m much more free now. I kept telling myself that I’m nice and confident, and now I think I am able to stand confident like this. I don’t know why I only saw the flaws in the past. Now, rather than trying to make up for my weaknesses, I tend to focus on maximising my strengths instead. Jaehyun: ‘Do what you want, what you think is right and what you like. Of course I know you’ll do fine, but it would be nice to be a bit more daring.’

What are 3 adjectives that describe you? Johnny: Energetic, romantic, selfish. The last word I chose because I think in order to make another person happy, I need to be happy myself and only when I have a sense of security I can care for other people. Jaehyun: I like classic stuff so first of all, classic, continuous because I always try to learn and grow, and firm in terms of trying to remain as stable as possible.

What were you born with, and on the other hand what weren’t you born with that you’re trying to achieve? Johnny: Seems like I was born with curiosity. Like I’ve mentioned before, my mom has influenced me a lot. On the other hand I want to make passion my thing. Sometimes I look at the members when I’m lazing around. Everyone has their ‘one passion’! Jaehyun: Ever since I was little I would always fix the TV at home whenever it broke down. I think I’ve been born with dexterity. I seem to be good at sports, but I really need flexibility (laugh). I also want to break up with my short lived resolve. To speak, I lack persistence a little. When I really like something or if I have a clear reason to do it, my body moves. If there’s neither, I fall into the swamp of one short lived resolve to another. (laugh)

As a listener of <NCTs Night Night>, a show that was hosted by the two of you in the past, I think you were compassionate and were counselors who had shown more empathy than other people of your age. Today, let's write the concerns of you two. What's your biggest concern now after passing April 12th, 2020? Johnny: Although it's a little embarrassing to say it in words, my biggest concern these days is how to be a strength for the fans who we can't meet because of the recent situation. Most importantly, I don't want to be distressed and spend this time more meaningful. Jaehyun: What the heck to do at home! I'm the type to be very active. Nobody can go outside so I'm working hard in trying to find something I can do home alone. I've watched movies, listened to music and cooked, but I can't help but still feel the itch [to do something].

When you watch your web variety show <NCT LIFE>, you two are often seen standing in the kitchen. Is there any dish you want to make for that one precious person in the future? I wonder what the specific recipe is and what the mood of the day will be like. Johnny: First of all, I wanna make breakfast. Omelets are good to eat in the morning. Omelets are well made when you think 'even though it's bad, it's good'! Stir-fry onions and bell peppers until they become sweet, then sprinkle some pepper to finish it. The time would be good at 09:30 am when the sunlight is strong enough to see the dust. That precious one would be sitting in a chair (laughs). The table will be set with cutlery and two cups of coffee. So that you can open the morning in a relaxed and simple manner. Jaehyun: Samgyetang and stir-fried pork, is that too native? (laughs) If I had to choose one, I will pick the stir-fried pork that was also complimented on <NCT LIFE>. Sometimes only red pepper paste or red pepper powder is used for the sauce, but I tend to use both. It would be great if there was a pretty plate with fruit too, it's the perfect dessert.

Even if it’s not a cooking moment, what’s the time, place, thing or person that makes you the most gentle? Johnny: From noon to 2pm. I feel the most peaceful when the sun is shining at that time. I don’t really care about the place. As for a thing, a scented candle that I have received as a gift while filming <NCT LIFE> in Thailand. For people, anyone! Jaehyun: Late night nearing the dawn. I really like watching the night view. I think the Han River could make me the most gentle. Personal things like earphones or speakers. Being together with family would be nice.

As a person and as a musician, what time do you think you’re going through? Johnny: I always feel like I'm at the starting line. Even when I do the same thing, I have to have a new mindset in order to grow. Jaehyun: It’s a slow process for humans but I seem to be slowly becoming more mature. As a musician, when the time comes I’ll be looking from a distance thinking I’m making ‘my own’ thing.

Translation: Alex, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: W Korea Scans — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[allandoflimbo]

Bad Guy

Summary: You experience another night out in your new hometown. One that has you reaching for a drink, and maybe ending with a certain someone between your legs.

Warnings: Drinking, cursing, and (mild, well for me) fucking.

A/N: This is a submisstion for @amanda-teaches​ 2k Writer + Reader Challenge. My prompt was “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” This was really fun to write. Thank you for letting me participate in this! And I hope you really enjoy this one. :) It’s pretty light hearted. As most of you know, I will no longer post my writing on Tumblr, i’ll just be sticking to my other platforms now. If you wanna check me out i’ll be on AO3, mostly. This is my final closing. :)

The night was turning crisp, a heavy contrast to what it had been that afternoon. 

It had been humid and overbearingly hot; too scorching for a late August summer. 

It was around six o’clock when the temperature had dropped a sudden ten degrees. Now it was pleasant, and those that had hidden away all day in their air conditioned homes, finally decided to venture out into the cooling air. 

There was an intense misconception about New York City that not many understood, not until they experienced it first hand, at least.

Sure, it was beautiful in its bright lights and air that seemed to ooze hope for everyone’s future. It gave off a vibe that made you admit, that yeah, it kind of was like the movies. 

Except that it wasn’t.

From afar, it was quite the spectacular, but as you narrowed down and took a closer look, you’d see it for what it really was.

The brownstone buildings that housed the speakeasies and restaurants on the ground floor; they were beautiful, surly. 

So were the homes across the streets, with their lights still on.

 The streets, they were nice too. 

People stood all around, greeting new friends and old ones, talking about which place they would go to next or which bar.

You liked the village. It had its pros and cons, but at the end of the day, you were glad you settled for that fifteen hundred dollar studio on the first floor. 

It had a nice view of the deli and the prestigious restaurant across the street, and it was a brownstone.

Yeah, all of that was really nice.

Except when you took a closer look and realized that even the prettiest of things had its faults.

Those streets filled with smiles and laughter also had trash bags piled up every ten feet and on every corner. 

Those restaurants and speakeasies - the brownstones were older so the walls outside the building were washed out, aged. 

The air also had a strange, but yet addicting, smell. 

It was a mixture of all the restaurants around mixed with booze. 

The stairs that led down into the restaurant entrances were old and rusted. 

The ATMs that lounged outside each one - because that’s right, most of them only take fucking cash - six out of ten of them were always out of service and served as nothing but mediocre décor next to the window. 

Heavy graffiti lined their sides.

The doors to the restaurants were older, too. Some of them never even closed properly or were too damn heavy.

And your apartment...it was perfect. 

You’d have to settle into become a minimalist to even fit your bed inside. 

The flooring was also old and scratched and the walls needed a new paint job. But it wasn’t too bad. It could’ve been worst.

But you loved it. 

You loved the feeling of the city around you, and you loved how you had made your new friends so easily after moving in from your old home in little ole’ Ohio. 

You loved going to bed being able to hear the life outside, the laughters and sound of people making new memories and falling in love.

And those restaurants and speakeasies that looked flawed up close, they were anything but inside.

The owners  were always so imaginative. The lighting was always warm, there were always people inside enjoying life and the food- in every single one of them.

Because, that’s right, all their food were good food.

New York City was beautifully flawed. 

It was just what you were looking for.

You think this to yourself for the hundredth time since you moved here as you walk down the street towards a new bar you hadn’t been to yet.

You pass by locals as well as tourists and it’s nice. 

You’re about to cross the street when you see a couple getting out of their little apartment. 

Your heart warms as you see the man take the girl’s hand in his, both of them giggling as they prepare for a night out of making memories.

You feel your phone vibrate as you arrive to the other side of the intersection. 

You hear a car horn in the distant and a nice summer breeze blow in through your hair.

You open your lock screen.

Nat

You here yet?

You quickly type away a message while also trying to avoid walking into others coming in the opposite direction as you.

You hold tighter onto your bag as it bumps into a girl, your small heels clacking beneath your feet. 

You open your map to see the distance of the location and then reply back to her.

I’m a block away.

You see it from where you’re standing and it had it a decent sized line to get inside. 

Budapëis

It read in white letters on the blackout windows.

You sped up a bit as you got closer, your excitement growing in your belly.

It doesn’t take much longer after you’ve been in line to realize it was actually moving pretty quickly.

A larger and dark man greets you at the entrance and you hand him your ID which he quickly scans. He gives it back to you and you thank him.

Inside the bar was loud. The people chatted away happily and the music thrummed in your bones. It was also very dark, the only light being the orange glows of the candles on some of the tables and the dimmed warm lights hanging above.

You watched as the cute male bartenders worked proficiently and sync, but also making sense to make small talk with each client as much as they could over the loud noise. 

A girl says excuse me but still manages to nudge into you.

Spinning your head around, you realize there are no more seats left to sit and it makes sense why half of the people were all standing around and huddled like cattle.

Oh boy.

You feel a tug on your arm and you spin around to see Nat holding a Martini in her right hand, her left arm going in for an immediate hug.

“You made it!” She says.

“Of course!” You hope she can hear you.

She pulls away and tugs you towards her, “Come on, we’re all in the back.”

You let her lead you to the “back” which is really just a small space in the corner of the bar. 

You immediately recognize Steve, Sam, and Wanda from afar.

“Oh, hey, you made it!” Steve yells, grabbing you in a tight hug.

“Hey, Y/N” “Oh, hey.” Sam and Wanda greet you.

“Hi, sorry I took a bit long. I was doing laundry.”

“Ha.” Sam snorts out loud, “come on you need a drink.” He adds.

“I will, I will —“ you dart your eyes to his own cup and point, “what’s that?”

“New York sour. Tastes like shit. Wanna try?” He says way too excitedly.

“Sure.” He hands you his glass and you take a sip.

You barely have the tip of the glass all the way out of your mouth when a body hits you on your side, making you stumble. 

The drink doesn’t spill crazily, but it’s enough to get on your hand and to leave it sticky, leaving you annoyed. 

You’re also not too fond of the face full of hair you just got and the elbow that keeps nudging into the side of your rips.

You stumble a few centimeters to the left, because seriously, it’s not like you have an option right now.

You look over to the girl who is now laughing and talking exceptionally loud with Nat and all your friends.

Did they really not see that? 

But you wouldn’t blame them, there was barely any light in the place anyway. 

If it weren’t for Sam reaching over the girl’s head to grab your glass, you’d be certain he had forgotten all about you.

You hand it back, cringing as you try not to elbow the girl in the face. 

Sure, she was rude, but you weren’t going to return that sentiment. 

“What’d you think, Y/N?” Sam shouts to you.

It’s then, finally, when the girl looks over at you. 

She was drop dead gorgeous. At least 5’9. Her hair was a natural light brown and her eyes a piercing green.

Clearly a model trying to make it big in the city.

Her face is emotionless at first but then she attempts a smile. 

You feel awkward under her gaze, awaiting an apology when Sam pulls you around. 

“Come on, lets get ya something good.” He says, dragging you the bar.

You follow him until you’re at the side of the counter closest to when you first came in.

You sigh, already dreading this night, when you overhear Sam ordering two shots of tequila and two lemons.

“Me and you, y/l/n.” He says, taking the glass from the cute bartender.

Sam hands you the shot and you both countdown together before taking it simultaneously. 

You chase it with the lemon, and okay yeah, you feel a little bit better.

“Glad we finally got ya out to a real bar.” Sam smiles.

You shrug.

“It’s been a while. Been busy trying to work, book places.”

“Oh, yeah, what is it that you do again?”

“I’m a singer, Sam. Whole reason I came from Ohio. Hello?”

He shoots you an infectious grin.

“I know, I’m just messing with you.”

You sigh. 

Sometimes you did feel like people forgot though, especially in a city with 8 million other people trying to reach the same dream as you.

You hang around your friends for a bit longer, finally, finally getting the opportunity to wish Nat a happy birthday.

It must’ve been about an hour now later and you’re glad that one girl was gone. 

Whoever she was.

“Is Bucky still coming?” Sam asks randomly out loud.

“He said he would get here as soon as he was done with his shift.” Steve mumbles, looking down at his phone, a glass filled with amber alcohol in his other hand.

“Shocked he’s taking so long. Wonder if he knows Aubrey is here.” Sam says.

“He’s an ass. And a whore. He knows.” Nat screams over to the guys.

You look over at Nat and Wanda and you see them already out of it giggling while looking at some guys’ Instagram feed.

“I’m gonna get another drink.” You announce.

“Hell yeah you are, y/l/n!” Sam yells with a wink.

Steve elbows him in the side.

“Stop peer pressuring her.” He says.

“I’m not, she just needs to let loose—“ he voice fades as you walk away. 

You sigh, suddenly feeling exhausted. You contemplated ordering some fries or maybe mozzarella sticks.

You fold your arms onto the cold counter, waiting for the bartender to give you his full attention. 

It takes a bit with the amount of people he’s serving along with the other bartender.

Finally he looks over at you and he smiles bright. 

God, so cute.

You lean your head on your hand.

“Hi, can I have a gin and tonic?”

He taps the table top.

“Sure thing.” You watch his arms flexing as he makes your drink. 

Mmm.

He slides it to you with a wink.

“You on a tab?”

You tell him Nat’s name and everything necessary and he nods. 

You sip your drink, letting the music drown and numb you along with the alcohol. Your finger trails the condensation on the glass gingerly.

“Hey, man.”

A soothing voice comes up next to you, greeting the bartender.

The bartender’s face lights up.

“No, way. Finally out of his damn shell.” The bartender greets him with a over hand handshake.

You slide over to the side a bit, giving them some space. 

The man next to you orders a drink, giving the bartender his card and requesting a tab.

You feel the heat of his presence as he leans on his own arms  over the counter right next to you, and you can’t help smelling the delicious smell of cologne wafting off his body. 

You don’t know if it’s the alcohol but you feel yourself biting on your bottom lip, and sticking your ass in the air, still dragging your hand up and down the glass. 

But this time on purpose.

It doesn’t work.

You look over to take a look at the man in question and you swoon.

His dark brown hair was begging to be pulled and he had the softest of scruff on his face. 

He wore a black leather jacket and jeans and shoes that looked way too expensive. 

You drag your eyes back up his body to see a smirk, and fuck, he’s looking straight at you.

Those eyes. They were so blue.

You blush faintly, turning back to your glass and taking another sip.

You know he’s still there, eyes stilling lingering on you.

He takes his drink and then clears his throat.

You’re expecting him to say something when he leaves.

Your smile fades and you feel a weird emptiness. Rejection? 

No that couldn’t be it. 

You’re finishing your drink when your eyes drift back up to your friends.

Sam, Steve, Wanda, and Nat are all smiling. 

But then Steve is smiling more and the commotion is even bigger as they spin around.

You perk a brow as you watch the man that was just next to you a few moments ago greet your friends.

Was that Bucky? The infamous asshole?

He was beautiful. 

Of course he was. 

You try to compose yourself before walking back over to your friends.

Sam looks at you disappointed, eyes darting to your empty hands.

“I thought you were getting a drink.”

“I already drunk it, dumbass.”

“Why drink there, drink here.”

You chuckle, your eyes darting to Bucky briefly who eyes you for a moment making a connection.

His friends were your friends too.

There was something strange the entire time, about the connection in the air between you two. 

It must’ve been the alcohol. He was way out of your league. 

But you didn’t understand the asshole your friends were talking about. Well, not that you really knew him that much anyway.

As you pretend to be intrigued in your conversation with Nat and Wanda, yours was actually focused on Bucky.

It’s like you both are playing a playful game of who can catch the other looking first. 

You find yourself licking your lip...twirling your hair around your finger…

You swear he’s staring at your finger. 

God, what was happening to you?

“Hey, babe!”

You heart Plummets into your stomach as you see the same girl from before (the one who spilled the drink on you) wrapping her arms around Bucky’s neck and oh yeah, she’s definitely sticking her tongue down his throat.

You feel your heart in your stomach and the strong taste of the gin in your mouth.

He pulls away with a moan and a slight grimace.

“Hey, Aubrey. What are you doing here?” 

His hands go to her arms, prying her off of him.

“I came with a few friends and ran into yours. You haven’t been answering any of my messages.”

“Yeah, we broke up, remember?”

Everyone’s attention is now to Bucky and Aubrey as they watch their interaction.

“But come on, just one more night, one more good fuck for all times sake.”

A heavy snicker leaves your throat, but you quickly try to disguise it by pretending to wipe your mouth. 

The girl’s head spins towards you and she peaking a brow at you.

She quickly ignores you and turns back to Bucky.

“Come on, Bucky.”

Bucky looks over it.

“Aubrey, Aubrey stop.” He says seriously.

She pulls back from him and they stare at each other for a moment longer before she scoffs and spins on her heel.

You turn away from the scene, suddenly needing another drink or at least some fresh air.

You settle for the latter, telling your friends you’d be right back.

You settle to lean back against the brick wall of the bar, taking in the sweet smell of a summer night.

The contrast of the silence outside felt amazing your ears, and the small amount of alcohol in your system only made it better.

You cursed yourself for being a horny little freak. But you chuckle to yourself as you pull out your phone. You couldn’t help that you needed physical attention.

You’re skimming through your emails when you feel someone next to you. You look up to see Bucky, his left shoulder leaning on the wall right next to you.

You find yourself smiling at his little smirk and you bite your bottom lip, looking away.

“You were trying to get my attention so bad before, and now you don’t want to talk?” He asks playfully.

You shake your head, but you still have a smile on your face.

You feel your cheeks grow hot.

“Wow, seriously?” “Am I wrong?”

You think about your answer as you continue to look through your emails, except at this point you were just trying to look like you were.

“No, but that was before I realized who you were.”

His smiled slides off slowly.

“What do you mean?” 

You finally decide to put your phone away and you spin around to look at him, now face to face.

The look in his eyes are intense and you find yourself blushing. You knew all these things about him, but yet he had this aura about him, almost like everyone else was wrong.

Your eyes dart from his eyes and to his lips.

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” You say quietly.

When he doesn’t say anything, you look back up until your eyes meet.

“Are they wrong?” He asks.

Your perk a brow at his answer.

“I—I don’t know.” 

He chuckles.

“Exactly.”

You nod, pushing yourself off the wall. You take a deep breath, looking at the people on the street.

“It’s getting late, I should get going.”

Bucky nods, still not moving from his spot.

“Okay, yeah.”

You stay glued to where you are, your eyes darting back to his.

“Yeah.” You repeat back.

You watch as the tip of his tongue licks his lips. You feel the heat in your core and you feel the heavy beating in your chest.

“Do you live close by?” He asks huskily, looking over your shoulder.

____

You don’t know how it happened, but one minute he had you up against the public hallway wall of your apartment building - where literally anyone could see you - and the next he was pushing your jeans passed down your hips in your living room.

You groaned as your lips connected again, and as you pulled on his hair again.

He cursed into your lips as he cupped your center, feeling how wet you already were for him. 

You whimpered as he rubbed small circles over your clit, before finally inserting his finger deep inside of you.

He pushed you down onto your bed, his left hand still fucking you. You lifted your left leg onto the bed and he groaned into your mouth as he quickened the pace of his hand. 

You threw your head back, moaning.

You felt your desire quickly dissipate as he pulled away from you.

Bucky chuckled at your whine, but your disappointment was short lived as your watched him pull his shirt and jeans off.  

You did the same with your own top and then your bra.

He was on you in a hot second, capturing your lips in a long kiss that had your toes curling against your blanket.

When he pulled away you were captivated by how delicious he looked. You also couldn’t help but swoon at the look he had in his eyes. 

Endearment? You weren’t sure.

Your fingers trail over the side of his face as he continues to stare down at you.

“I’m not the bad guy,” he kisses you. He slides into you with a grunt, “I swear, I’m not him.” He kisses you again.

Your hook your left leg over his hip, pulling him in deeper into your hot core.

You pull away from his mouth, your left hand going down to his stomach.

“Fuck. Fuck.” You pant heavily. It felt too good too fast and you know he felt it too as he stretched his forearms on either side of your head.

A long whimper leaves his lips as he sets a faster pace, fucking you into your bed.

He almost looses it completely when he feels you reaching down to rub at your clit, your fingers hitting the base of his cock and his little hairs.

You feel your pussy tightening around him and you know you’re so damn close.

“Yeah, come on, baby. That’s it.” He coaxes you, panting desperately into the crook of your neck.

You feel the fire burning in the pit of your tummy and you know that with a few more thrusts and a few more rubs on your clit that you were done for.

The sounds in your little apartment were filthy. You could hear his hips snapping against yours and both of your groans.

He slowed down his pace as you felt yourself come undone.

“Shit, I’m cumming.” You tell him through gritted teeth, your face only millimeters from his.

He has a wicked smirk on his face and some of his sweaty strands of hair stick to his forehead.

“Me too, fuck, I’m cumming, too.” He says.

You scream as you pulse around his hard cock, not missing the way his own eyes squeeze together, a strong grunt leaving his mouth.

His hips slow down to a stop and when you open your eyes again, he’s already staring down at you.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.” You say, running your hand through his hair.

Bucky chuckles as he leans forward to leave a kiss on your collarbone.

[bxllafanficc]

¡Skate/sing your hearts out! (Yuri Plisetsky x reader)

(Part two)

Part two. Part one Part three Part four part five

Summary: After last year's cancellation of Figure Skating Grand Prix, Yuri Plisetsky finds himself unable to bring out his inner skater after a year of doing nothing but enjoy life like a regular teenager. That's when you enter the picture; We Are Voice Grand Awards's currently hottest competitive vocalist come first place two years in a row. Just like the other competitors of Grand Prix, it turns out that Victor and Yuuri faces the same issue. With an arrangement between Victor and Yakov, they agree to travel to Japan and hire you as a mutual coach for Yuri and Yuuri to help bring back the emotion into their performances like before, maybe even more intense than ever. Yuri however, who's never experienced issues with his coaches before, for some reason finds this one particularly difficult to coexist along with in their (reasonably) odd partnership. Warnings: none

*Your POV*

There. All set and done. You took a last look at the pair of eyes staring back at you in the full body mirror. Your hair all dried up with a blowdrier and a pair of white jeans along with your favorite leather jacket. A grey turtleneck on that and that was the outfit for today. Keeping it classy since Victor failed to cancel the meeting with the press a couple of hours from now. 'A big hoodie would've been the ideal alternative though' you thought and sighed. Nowadays it's all about keeping it as simple yet kind of professional for every day. Social media were all star struck about the world's latest announcement. 'Winner of this year's Grand Prix senior division goes on a tour with none other than the (y/n) (l/n)!' The newspapers were first out as usual thanks to the reporters crowding her personal space since two weeks from now since the news came out. A collaboration between a figure skating competition and a competition for vocalists. You never saw that coming but you could see the appeal. The currently hottest male skater along with a popular female singer, fighting for the spotlight even though they're sharing it evenly. Him with his skills and she with her voice. You agreed to participating when asked, of course. It was a great opportunity and experience. And currently you sought out every great possibility at the market right now. That's what lead you here.

You made your way out the room you were staying in and headed towards the dining area in deep thoughts. 'So that's Yuri Plisetsky up close?' You thought as you passed the living room. You entered the dining area and stood still at the entrance to take in the scene before you. Yuri Plisetsky is sitting at the dining table with his back facing you. Beside him with his side profile turned at your direction is coach Yakov who's chatting with Victor and Yuuri opposite of the table. Yuri is not talking. He's busy eating a dish called the pork cutlet bowl, you assumed. You had never tried one before but the dish was all too familiar thanks to the last Grand Prix competition on Yuuri Katsuki's behalf. You eyed Yuri carefully and entered the room. He's a little shorter than what was given away on television but other than that, very much the boy you'd seen competing time to time. His skating was without doubt impressive to say the least. His jumps were always perfect as expected and his upper body movements in beat to the music. Though, you always deemed something missing in his already amazing performances. Expression. The year he won gold at the senior division, you saw some great scenes of emotion displayed in his skating but it was clear that he never let them consume him. It always looked as if there was something on his mind and that held him back, even made him stop and hesitate sometimes.

"Whoo! (Y/n) is back! Yuri! Meet your coach in musical expressional performance."

The boy's attention was suddenly entirely on you now, in comparison for being totally relaxed and unfocused. He tensed up and the pair of breathtakingly blue and green eyes widened at her for the second time today. 'Hope this is not becoming a regular habit of his' whenever he sees me. It's starting to get a little embarrassing.'

"You! What even- What are you doing here?! A-aren't you like 19 years old or something? That's just two years away from me! That's.. You're far too young to be my coach!" The startled reaction of his kind of made you wonder what was up. He did meet you just about- ah. Your face mask and your covered hair clearly disguised you well enough for the boy not to recognize you. Though he clearly knew you.

"Great, so you're familiar with me. Then I don't need a further introduction." You flashed him a smile.

"Who isn't familiar with the star of We Are Voice and winner of gold two years in a row? At this point, you're basically stealing the spotlight I fought so hard to gain at my senior division debut." The words came out in a mutter and the negative impact of the comment made you raise an eyebrow at the boy on the floor in front of you. He still hadn't stood up to greet you which would be the appropriate thing to do first time meeting your coach. Then you pouted and leaned your now crossed arms against the wall to your right.

"Though, I am a little disappointed you didn't recognize me by voice. I mean, if I am as famous as you speak of, you surely would've known right away." That just earned a scoff from him.

"There are thousands of girls who sound similar to you. Yes, even with that (nationality) accent. Your voice isn't that special." The other men in the room widened their eyes. Ouch. And he's just as grumpy and homeboy teenage-crisis as he was portrayed in television and social media as well. You had thought it was only mere acting in an attempt to shun people away and making the attraction towards him less appealing.

"I see... Well that's one way putting it."

It certainly worked on you, you had thought for several years now but turns out he's just a jerk. Yakov moved to get in Yuri's face and scold him.

"Where is your manners? Quit playing a brat all of a sudden."

"What? Am I not allowed to speak my mind now when you have to suck up to miss universe over here all of a sudden?"

You raised a silent hand for the arguing pair to let their words die down and then you locked gaze with the insolent boy. Your eyes were blank but rock hard and you could swear that you saw a faint gulp forming in his throat.

"Get on your feet and get over here. Turn sideways." At least I didn't have to ask twice. But I didn't really ask him either. He rose to his feet and took some hesitant steps towards me. It was clear that he didn't trust me. 'Something to work on' I hummed to myself. His posture was stiff and crooked but after another word from Yakov, he straighten his back for me to see him properly. He pulled the hood of his hoodie off and mirrored my blank hard stare. I began to circle him, getting a fair look on what I would be working with for a set of weeks. His eyes didn't dare follow mine as I stepped beside him, knowing that I was out for him to break character. A stale being is much harder getting to know than a forward and open one.

Then, when you were behind his back, you reached out with your hand to his back and - shoved him casually forwards. A yelp of surprise echoed through the room as he stumbled and fell towards Victor who caught him right before hitting the floor face first. You and Yakov locked gaze and gave each other a slight nod before you once again turned to the upset boy.

"What the hell was that? You pushed me for what? Are you that sensitive for a little negativity for once?"

"Your balance is off." You simply said with the same blank expression and a headshake. He seemed dumbfounded of the answer and got off Victor with quick feet. He was close to you this time and the daggers you received was intended to leave wounds after he was done.

"Because you pushed me."

"Exactly."

"I wasn't prepared!"

"Exactly."

"We have some work to do, Yuri. Your break has been too long, it seems. She was only picking up on where you left off, in a way." Yakov spoke up between the one-sided staring contest. The boy turned towards the man which included his back facing my front once again. But this time, he was careful on taking a few steps forward to avoid history repeating itself.

"She's not you. She shouldn't do your job. It's none of her business anyway."

"It actually is if you think harder on it. There's no point in me working on your emotional performance if your practical performance is flawed. A skater who can't manage a simple shove will not get up on his or hers feet at the competition as well." You expected some kind of backlash from Yuri, at least a glare or something. But you were met with nothing to your surprise. He didn't speak up either.

"It's settled. You and I will rehearse you back into your former shape before your time with (y/n) begins, starting tomorrow. Meanwhile, also take some time to get to know each other, you two. You seem to need it." Yakov declared the schedule and choose to pinpoint the obvious tension between you and Yuri. You somewhat agreed on spending time besides training. Though, you would rather not take a verbal beating more than once a day further on.

Yuri still didn't speak up but he didn't object either.

"(Y/n), there's food left for you too! Please join us for dinner." Yuuri Katsuki exclaimed and waved an energetic hand towards the bowls and plates on the table. In front of you, you saw the back muscles of the Russian skater's form tense at the words.

You had to decline though. If not for the meeting, then for the sake of giving Yuri some space. It must be hard, after all. Whatever's he's going through right now.

"I would love to! But I have to excuse myself this time. After all, I have a meeting to attend and if I don't get going, I'll soon be running late. See ya folks later!"

And with that, you dashed off.

[littleeyesofpallas]

I think in my hurry to get through the one core rant without getting distracted, I didn't actually outline the Hero's Journey's whole proposed psych model in the first place. I don't want to get too into each of the 17 steps, but the idea of the process it reflects is this:

A boy on the cusp of adulthood must leave the comfort of parental protection/provision, whether he wants to or not. He must seek out the "magic" of an older mentor who has seen and mastered the unknown, and through that mentor they learn an entry level skill that will allow them to navigate the world of adults; but this is not "mastery" and it is not "understanding" it is only the bare bones functionality of mimicry. Understanding comes later. This happens, often, while still in the comfort of the "home" realm, where the dangers of the unknown aren't in play yet. Then they leave for real and confront the shock of an unfamiliar world, of autonomy, and responsibility; for the first time in their life, if something goes wrong, no one is there to help them.

Campbell himself posits this next step can go a few different ways. His standard format suggests the Belly of the Whale, the descent into the darkness of not knowing happens at the threshold itself, comes first. That upon confronting the unfamiliar new reality of adulthood the immediate reaction is to be overwhelmed, and only after addressing that immense pressure and aimlessness does the boy get to proceed out into the world at large with the understanding that out here, he can actually die.

But the alternative to this is that the boy goes from the crossing of the threshold directly into the Road of Trials, putting at his his magic aide's skills to use, and learning new ones, until that momentum of that growth and learning plateaus, and then THAT is the moment in which the hero is consumed unto the Belly of the Whale, not when he first confronts a reality that is beyond him, but when he first realizes that it's beyond him; when the arrogance and ignorance of youth gives way to humility. Here he has been facing danger and challenge but only now does he confront the inevitability of death; he cannot keep conquering the unknown forever.

I prefer the Belly-second format, because unlike the Belly-first form's processing of the idea that he can die, this is the fact that he will die; and then what legacy does he leave behind? And this directly motivates his shifting attention toward...

The Goddess Reconciliation is my problematic fav of this whole thing... Campbell and Jung believed deeply in this old fashioned notion of Anima and Animus, that there was some nearly mystical bioessentiallist quality of explicitly segregated Male and Female psyche, and a lot of that doesn't scan great these days. BUT! Of note is that their fixation on this duality came largely out of the idea that the two, being innately separate and at odds, needed to be balanced for a healthy mind to exist. In the psychospiritual spiritual approach to myth this means the Goddess is in fact a man's inner feminine aspect that need to be appeased and made peace with. And that's actually pretty cool, weird inner-cosmological premise to that aside.

But in regards to the myth as guidance, this is also the step in the journey that I just call Respect Women. Because that's what's being taught. This is the moment that the young boy/young man, until recently high on his own power and accomplishments, and his ongoing conquest of the unknown is confronted by a woman of great power. She resides in a realm above him, and for the first time in his quest he cannot conquer his way through this. He MUST speak with, negotiate, and empathize with this woman and her needs in order to win her favor and approval, and sometimes very literally hand in marriage.

This power she holds over him is often pretty literally the ability to have children, tying back into the newfound need to secure legacy that I mentioned in Belly of the Whale. But it can also be inheritance of fortune, positions of power and rulership, etc... in the realms of mythological and fairytale narratives. But it also reflects the internal idea of the joining of Anima and Animus, in that this marriage in one way or another, material or not, must bring him peace of mind.

Then there's the Woman as Temptress phase, which is woefully underused. Granted it can come across as a bit sexist and cliche in many narratives, and it's easy to see how that doesn't feel "essential" to most Hero Journeys, but I think this is incredibly important. Again, I prefer the Belly-second model in which the hero's conquests naturally lead to arrogance (he's on a winning streak, and he is still just a kid doing all this for the first time; he's never known defeat, so how does he even know when to slow his roll?) and this is a repeat of that; he's learned to please one woman, why not use his tried and true method of learning new skills and putting them to use to please more women? And so his loyalty to his Goddess must be tested in order to teach him moving forward.

This is the trope about Prince Charming being a playboy because his only trait is seducing women, not being good to them --see: Utena's Touga, or Into The Wood's Prince brothers. This is where a man learns not to be a fuckboi.

And then the confrontation with The Father. The legendary big Vader moment. But it's not always a violent confrontation, and it's not always innately negative; at times it can even be a somber affair. A boy must learn to stop idolizing his father, and make peace with the truth that his father is just a man, full of flaws like any other. And by reconciling his father as infallible patriarch and the hero's own process of growth, a boy must learn that to succeed in life he must be more than his father is/was. And this tends to become a violent or literal physical conflict when the father in question is both still alive, and the very literal authority that must be overcome in the name of progress. The patriarch has established a system of order that he sees as preserving the safety and security of the world of the known, and he will protect that system even as it begins to fall apart. And as a man, not longer a boy, but a peer to his father the hero has to show the father that he is no longer the unquestioned arbiter and effectively take his place.

In this the boy becomes man, hero attains some kind of enlightenment, sees some deep truth to the world and now knows with some clarity what is best for the world. An arrogant assertion to be sure, but internal to the journey at hand it makes enough sense... Because with this understanding the Hero also discovers or distills the mysteries of this wild realm of the unknown into The Ultimate Boon: a tool or a symbol of the skills learned, that can be replicated or utilized even without the hero's personal level of understanding. And this thing must be delivered back to the mundane so that the next generation of children can use it to expand their realm of the known further into what had before been unknown; each subsequent generation of hero expanding the collective knowledge and understanding of the community as a whole.

And Hero must also often learn selflessness. This kind of comes into play more often when there isn't the innate establishment of a desire to foster a legacy that will out last him. In this case the Hero needs to be talked into going home, because the alternative is that he continues to dwell in this state of perfection. But if he lives out his life like this, he will die as just a singular man rather than the Hero of a people. This in turn motivate the Rescue in which someone has to break into his little bubble of personal accomplishment to bring him back. Yet again his ego must be tested, and he must be humbled.

And then he goes back home, he's a Master of Two Worlds, the known and unknown alike, and he delivers The Boon to the common people so their lives can be made better by it. He earns the Freedom to Live and melds back into a mundane civilian life, as a productive member of his society, as a father, and eventually as a new hero's Magical Aide and old wizened mentor.

Shit.. I let this get away from me and shifted my whole rhetoric halfway in... >:/ My point wasn't to outline the mythic structure but the psychological one. So let me try to just summarize briefly now:

A boy needs to leave the comfort of home. He has to learn many new skills, starting with being taught by a teacher. He has to learn his limitations, finality and fatality. To secure a legacy he seeks a wife; to get a wife he must respect women; to keep a wife he must not be a fukboi. He must be a better father than his was. He must learn to want to give back to his community, and then return with knowledge and/or resources to better said community. He assumes a mundane life, he has kids who will grow up as he did; he'll be their father to overcome, and their mentor to learn from in time.

↑This is the Hero's Journey that Campbell became so fixated on, and that George Lucas maybe kind of oversold and muddled with film savvy, but that the original Star Wars still managed to embody and launch into the public consciousness. This is the Hero's Journey I wish more people would talk about and engage with, rather than the color-by-numbers nonsense that it's been reduced to.

[nissakii]

9 Romance Animes you should watch

Who doesn’t know the feeling when you have just finished a bunch of Shounen animes filled with action or maybe some sad movie you simply cannot get over with that easily,

and all of a sudden the thought comes up, “ah it’s about time to watch some romance again.”

For those of you who are searching for an anime to satisfy your maiden hearts, here are 9 romance animes you should probably watch when you are craving for those little candies in your life!

Kaguya love is war

Let’s start with a different kind of romance anime: Kaguya love is war!.

While the anime as well as the manga had received a lot of recognition and fanbase, there are still a lot of people who only know it for the memes (Fujiwara).

Despite it being another romcom Anime the fact that it’s built up in an interesting and strategic way. It doesn’t feel like a romance anime sometimes and even makes you feel if there is even a hint of that sappy love-story you might be craving.

But I can assure you, that anime will stir all kinds of emotions going from sad and tragic backstories that might let you shed a tear to laughter where you have to repeat one scene or another.

Next to the variety of characters that all have flaws, flaws and… even more flaws despite their good image at school, which makes them much more relatable and twisted that you might feel, finally not another perfect protag who gets all the girls/boys.

Because on both sides the mind games are on a high stack, yes mind games that’s the cue because Kaguya love is war is not a simple love story that plays in the most important years of highschool.

It’s a game of who will give in first, who weakens to succumb to their own feelings and confess to the other person, with all kinds of tricks and traps to get their ways.

Let’s not forget about external factors like other characters who put the whole strategy planned ahead to no avail and the funny ways of ridiculing some typical anime cliches.

With a lot of romance, psychology, humor and a hint of drama watching Kaguya love is war will be your out-of-the-ordinary romance anime that you surely don’t want to miss out.

Tonari no kaibutsu-kun

Tonari no kaibutsu-kun is an anime which might not be as known and especially the manga who was even better didn’t get as much recognition.

It’s not a new-generation anime but still one you might want to watch for a change of pace.

Another synonym for the anime is my little monster matching the male part of the main cast.

The two main characters are not your usual shy girl and popular guy, but a hard-working emotionless highschool girl with no friends due to the fact that she doesn’t care at all about her social life and enjoys studying to secure a big job later on.

On the other hand, we have the boy who is not shown at the beginning since he was suspended from the get-go getting into fights and being feared by others yet turns out to be a little bit socially-inept and misunderstood by those around him.

Due to a coincidence and some misunderstandings those two collide and it’s not like you think a super cute shoujo-anime moment, not at all rather the potrayment of social anxiety on the boy’s side and being dragged into a mess on the girl’s side.

To not tell you too much, the interesting thing about this anime is actually not the pairing (which of course is too but) the development of each character, even the side characters.

Because in this series everyone gets their deserved screen time and character development, showing big problems highschool girls and boys alike tend to have around their ages and the social stigma around f.e your typical popular girl or the sporty gets along with everyone guy from the class next door.

If you already watched this series, but haven't read the manga yet I can only recommend you to do so, the stories of each character are told in depth there and it goes beyond the anime revealing interesting facts and arcs that were not shown in the anime.

Kimi Ni Todoke

If you are a slow-burn romance fan like me, then Kimi Ni Todoke might be your next series to watch.

The title means “From me to you”, depicting the life of a female highschooler who gets misunderstood frequently by her peers as she looks like Sadako from the horror movie “The Ring”. As she is actually a very kind and optimistic soul her classmates and the people around her get too scared to even talk to her and start rumors that she is able to curse others. 

While the story goes on the girl starts to develop more and more, getting to know much more feelings and experiences through her classmates and the guy she admires.

It’s a lighthearted cute story with a lot of relatable issues that some of you might already have overcome or in midst of it.

Like the title says, the story focuses much more on the depiction of thoughts and feelings, how different the thoughts one person holds and it can or cannot reach another. Showing us the many sides of communication and trying to understand other people not by only relying on only what one thinks is the way to communicate but also adapt to the way others try to communicate, f.e shy characters who cannot always get their thoughts across.

It also revolves around how one perceives other people they have never engaged with and the main role of rumors and prejudices taking place in our society as well.

For some people this series may be a bit too long for a romance anime, having two seasons and a total of twenty-four episodes, but it’s worthwhile if you are interested in a more pure kind of romance that establishes slowly and step by step.

Akkun to Kanojo

Sometimes for a change of pace seeking something easy and quick to watch might help you to sweep that small moment of romance into your life.

Akkun to Kanojo is a short series consisting of 25 Episodes in total but each episode is 3 to 4 minutes long if you cut the opening out it’s even shorter.

Still the story that is told might make you smile from time to time, as you see the romance between a male tsundere and a cute childhood friend unfold.

The concept of the male being the tsundere is really funny and has a little twist as most animes, especially romance animes usually depict the woman/girl as a tsundere type of character in that cast.

The pure love the male part actually bears for the female one is very cute yet a bit frustrating at the same time just like he does feel when seen from his perspective.

Which makes it even cuter is that the female part knows him very well as she doesn’t really get bothered by his tsundere traits and just plays them off not minding him even insulting her since she knows he doesn’t mean it like that.

The guy on the other hand blames himself and even tells himself he cannot get near to such a pure and beautiful being, whenever she leaves right afterward.

A funny romance comedy that skips the drama and fills the day with smiles and cuteness.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun

Monthly Girls Nozaki-kun, one of the anime that makes you wonder which shipping you like the most but at the end leaves you behind since the romance aspect is always overshadowed by comedy.

And that is not a bad thing.

While the manga goes past the story told in the anime and even has some more romantic moments as well as crucial realizations, the anime gives the viewer a lot of content when it comes to diverse characters, funny moments, frustrating interruptions and even more.

At some points a lot of misunderstandings come up which I personally found so frustrating and hoped to finally get resolved, yet at the same time they had their own charm in pushing the story into another direction.

It’s a slice of life anime in the end which makes the story not too flashy, but the flashy characters compensate with the fact.

If you are searching for a romance anime where the comedy genre is heavily emphasized then this might be your next choice, since the anime is much more for laughter and enjoying the flow of character interactions and relationships than the actual romance as the focus point.

Honobono log

Another short series anime with only 12 Episodes this time and they are less than two minutes long. Still it’s a refreshing depiction of the many ways of love going from fighting couples to a heartbroken girl and a family.

The interesting style of art, the way how sounds and music are used, and the vibe in general just puts you at ease and let’s you enjoy the story with a light heart.

Especially after a hard day watching this short series feels like a wonderful way to slowly get into your deserved relaxation mood.

Ouran Highschool Host club

A classical one that most of you probably already watched and if not, then this is one of the animes you should really add to your list.

Ouran highschool host club could be viewed as one of the older animes that just rushes your mind back into a nostalgic mood, and the original story behind it still influences a lot of people outside.

It’s about a girl who dresses as a boy, not to be admitted or because she feels that way, no because she doesn’t care at all how she looks and how people perceive her making others mistake her for a boy.

She does not really intentionally make people view her that way, and events of coincidences caused her to get the final blow as she destroys a vase and is forced to join the host club of her school to pay it off.

Of course the leader of the club thinks she is a boy until he realizes the Fe before the male part is very present but he was too dense to realize it.

A story with a lot of character development, building  relationships, finding yourself and many other important topics starts from here on.

The many characters that represent the host club is what makes the series so charming and with the female lead not being your typical female protag as well.

As she is a very independent, cold and goal-oriented character who doesn’t care about romance at all yet has a natural charisma of her own.

A slow-paced romance anime with a lot of stories and derives from your usual storyline, a must watch for those of you who haven’t yet.

Kaichou wa Maid-sama

Another classic to add on your list with a feisty female lead and a funny teasing male lead who doesn’t seem to care for anything at all, beside teasing the student council president who is the female lead.

The student council president is known for being strict, not standing boys and doesn’t fear to speak her mind when she sees things going wrong at school, actively taking part that the school rules are being followed.

But her school is mostly filled with boys and undisciplined ones on top of that making her being feared for chewing each of them out with no remorse or hesitation.

There is a little problem though, when the handsome and cool male lead suddenly finds out that she is part-timing as a maid in a maid-cafe after school to support her family financially. And he doesn’t simply tell her secret, no it gets worse.

He visits her frequently, keeping the secret for himself and threatening her into hanging out with him or talking to him, even forcing her to be his maid at work.

An interesting development of storyline and plot, with two people coming from different backgrounds  and getting to know each other's real sides as they move forward towards a complex relationship.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii

What is the best way to find love for an otaku? Fall in love with another otaku.

This romance comedy anime takes place in the world of work where the characters are all already older and mature than the usual highschool love setting.

As the female-lead switches workplaces in order to hide the fact she is a yaoi-fangirl and her secret passion for anime, she meets her handsome school friend again who is a video-game otaku.

Both of them go out for drinks and make fun of their situations being both different kinds of otakus, the sudden purpose of trying to date comes up and so a weird start of a relationship between two otakus takes place.

Additionally a lot of characters join the cast with different kinds of love stories of their own having one couple that constantly fights and doesn’t look like one at all, as well as side characters with their insecurities.

The everyday life of an otaku couple starts and we follow their story into the twists and fun of being in a relationship, as well as the insecurities and concerns that come with it.

A series for a different kind of romance that makes you wonder how different couples can be and the importance of accepting your true self.

Did you already watch any of this series?

Or do you think there is another must watch romance anime?

Drop it in the comments!

Well then let me now return to my lonely tea,

forever single Makii

Original Source

[galahadwilder]

Okay I’m a bit curious now. If you had the opportunity to rewrite the ML show, how would you do it and what would you do?

So I got this ask a little over a month ago, right before I had my mental breakdown when Loveater/Hearthunter came out. Given how angry I was at the time, and how irrational I was acting, I didn’t trust myself to answer this question objectively. I think I do now.

The hardest moment in this show for me to reconcile is the moment in Reverser where Nathaniel tore Marc’s notebook in half, and then was never shown apologizing for it. That moment is, I believe, indicative of a larger problem with the writing of this show. If I were to write it, here are some of the things I would change.

1: Hire Female Writers. And also more Chinese and Biracial ones.

This is a show with a female biracial main character of Chinese descent, and all of their female writers vanished after Season 1. Which is exactly when a significant chunk of the old fandom began to have complaints about the show. As far as I can tell, they never even had any Chinese writers to begin with. Honestly this should be a no-brainer.

2: Stop visiting disproportionate retribution on Marinette, and stop punishing her for doing the right thing.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng is fairly unambiguously implied throughout the show to have some kind of anxiety disorder, which is, I think, a brilliant piece of writing. It nearly explains her primary character flaws—those being her impulsivety and her tendency to overthink, while also being shown in positive aspects as her quick-thinking and resolve. However, whenever Marinette makes a mistake, the narrative goes out of its way to treat her like a monster, and even when it’s someone else’s mistake, she is the one expected to apologize and “be the bigger person.” (In fact, she’s expected to be the “biggest person” in the show, which, given that there are adults around, is kind of a horrifying message to send.) Whenever anyone attacks her, even if that person is Lila, or worse, her own friends, she is expected to just roll over and is punished for standing up for herself. That may be how the real world works sometimes, but as Astruc is so fond of reiterating, this is a kids’ show. This is not a good message to send.

Additionally, the show continually treats Marinette’s anxiety as a subject of derision instead of treating it with sympathy. Marinette is continually mocked by the narrative for maladaptive thinking that is out of her control. The writing is, in a roundabout way, mocking a significant fraction of its own fanbase.

So step two is to stop punishing Marinette for doing the right thing, and let her occasionally be shown to be in the right.

3: Let Adrien grow.

Adrien is a good and kind person in an extremely shitty situation, and as a result has ended up picking up a number of unintentionally abusive behaviors from literally every other person in his life, as well as some extremely harmful coping mechanisms. This is, once again, a brilliant premise for a character that I feel has been entirely wasted. Adrien’s character is static; he never gets called out on his harmful behavior, and thus doesn’t realize it’s harming anyone simply because he doesn’t know how to tell. The narrative refuses to confront him with the consequences of his actions; in fact, it continually rewards him for being the perfect victim, the perfect abuse target. Giving Adrien someone in his life who can teach him better behaviors and coping mechanisms would go a long way to resolving my issues with this show, especially because it would make him more supportive toward Marinette.

4: Let Fu be wrong.

In a twist of the typical “wise old master” trope, Wang Fu is presented as a traumatized and paranoid orphan/war veteran, whose decisions aren’t necessarily based on rational forethought, but on paranoia. Many of his decisions are not the best ones available, simply the best that he knows how to make. The problem is that most of this is subtext: in the text, Fu is presented as a man of endless wisdom and his rules inviolate, even when they do more harm than good. The narrative frequently shows how wrong he is, but I’m not completely sure the writers are actually aware of that, because once again that’s only in subtext. If he’d been shown learning lessons or being like “I misjudged the situation” and changing his mind or even just changing his reasoning but keeping the same decisions, that might make a huge difference. Make his fear a key point in some of his dumber decisions, and now instead of an out-of-touch old man who makes terrible decisions just because, you’ve got a rounded character who can actually be part of the story.

5: Caline Bustier.

Most of the adults in this show are not particularly competent, and in most cases—André Bourgeois, Principal Damocles, Roger Raincomprix—they’re explicitly STATED to be incompetent, or just… generally not entirely there. The only competent non-evil adults in the show are Marinette’s parents and Nadja Chamack.

Which brings us to Caline Bustier. She’s supposed to be—and unlike the others, is presented as—a kind, warm, nurturing, and supportive presence in Marinette’s life; instead she punishes Marinette (and, in Origins, Ivan) for being bullied and lets the bullies get away scot free. She reinforces Adrien’s worst behavior, punishes Marinette for standing up for herself and her classmates, and rewards bullies, and is always presented as being in the right, almost saintly… in fact, she’s presented as the Madonna in a Madonna-Wh*re complex.*

Yes, I went there.

If we look at the writing of the non-evil adults, it’s got all the hallmarks of sexism. All of the men except Tom are dumb and/or under the thumb of powerful, “shrewish” female figures. Meanwhile, among the non-evil adult women (of which there are few) we have Sabine (excellent), the harsh and unforgiving spinster-archetype Madame Mendeleiev, and the kind and saintly Caline Bustier. Both of them are dehumanized and treated more like props than like people.

So my thing there would be: make at least one competent male authority figure, and—since Madame Bustier is such an important figure in Adrien and Marinette’s lives—stop letting her reward bullying and instead have her be the person who helps both of them grow and be comfortable in themselves. Have her teach Adrien to stand up for himself, have her show Marinette it’s okay to be angry, to be emotional, to make mistakes. And, most importantly, round her out a little. Show her making mistakes occasionally too—but if she leads by example, she could admit to them and correct them.

6: Better friend interactions

Let’s face it: the friendship we see in the show isn’t particularly healthy, while the friendship in the Instagram accounts is quite a bit better. Let’s see some Alya and Nino being more supportive of their friends instead of pushing them into things they’re not ready for.

* Censored because tumblr, not because I think it’s a bad word. This website is stupid.

[tae-cup]

.hamartia. ‘Part 1,

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader (f) x Taehyung (?)

Genre: Mafia!Au, Fluff, Angst (Mostly angst oopsies) I DO NOT CONDONE BEHAVIOR DISPLAYED IN THIS, PLEASE IT’S FICTION AND DON’T DO STUPID THINGS THANK YOU

Plot: Y/N is a skilled, well, torturer, though you don’t like to call yourself that; it makes what you do too real. When mafia boss Yoongi wants information or wants a hostage to suffer, you step in. However, one fateful day you are thrown Taehyung, another person who does your line of work. You need answers, he is determined not to give them to you. That’s when you try...a different approach, and Yoongi is not pleased.

Rating: TV-MA

WARNINGS: YO IF YOU’RE NOT COOL WITH SUBTLE BI AGENDAS THEN I’M SORRY THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR YOU, Blood, torture, mafia things (ya know?), drugs alcohol, sadistic tendencies, a fundamentally flawed main character (I’m sorry i’m just writing myself pretty much), assault, harassment, stalking (not bad), romance (somehow), Maybe stockholm syndrome???

Word Count: 2.2k words

A/N: I feel like...Like I understand Yoongi and Taehyung. I understand them better than the other members because I relate to them. I just hope I portray them well enough. 

Other: 

Masterlist 

Prologue | Part 1 | Next | 

Hamartia

~ The word hamartia refers to a flaw or mistake that leads to a fictional character's downfall. Classical tragedies revolve around the main character's hamartia, the tragic flaw that sets a series of disastrous events in motion. Achilles' heel was his hamartia – his fatal flaw.

-

-

Soft lips meet yours in the dead of night. The kind yet dominant kiss stirred you from your sleep. The room was silent except the sound of the sheets moving as you readjusted. Your eyes fluttered open to be met with dark brown eyes peering into yours. Moonlight filtered through the curtained window. Yoongi’s pale hand reached out, breaking the kiss. He had rough hands that gently caressed your cheek. Then his fingers worked their way through your hair. A smile, kept only for you, flickered across his face. 

“I love you.” He whispered. You sleepily smiled back, reaching out a hand yourself. 

“I love you too, yoongi.” Your light breath grazing his face. He stared intently at you. “You won’t leave me, right?” Your voice was small.

“Of course not, why would I?” His words rocketed around your head. You could think of a million reasons why. 

“Well, for one, the work I do isn’t pretty-”

“Me too, no worries-” He started, cutting you off, but, in return, you cut him off again. You continued the last sentence. 

“-And I’m a cold monster, you know? I don’t have mercy and some days I wonder if I have a heart. I’m fucked up inside, Yoongi.” You poured your heart out, but you couldn’t cry. You had already accepted this part of yourself. You understood if he wanted to leave; you weren’t the same person he fell in love with. 

“You will never be a monster to me.” He stated simply, but his words felt like a a warm embrace. You wrapped your arms around his thin middle, tugging him closer; of course he obliged. 

“I’ve met so many people,” You breathed into his neck. “and none of them were quite like you.” You let out a little laugh. “Is it selfish to want you all to myself? To never want to see you in another’s embrace? To want to hold you forever?” You continued letting out your affirmations, your longing. 

“No. Because if that’s selfish, then I must be too.” His words fluttered across your neck. 

-

- 

You opened your eyes, a breath caught in your chest. Why did you have this memory now? Was it a memory at all, or just a dream? It had felt so real. You could still feel his warm breath on your neck, the tingling in your hands as you held him. Now the bed lay empty. The dream left a fuzzy feeling in your stomach. It made you feel sick. Sick with longing for someone to hold you, of course you fucked that up already. Usually it was nightmares that had you rocketing awake, inconsolable and shaking, at 4 A.M. This time, it had been a lovely dream with a sense of foreboding. It had you awaken at 6 A.M. 

Shit. You were late. You didn’t want your captive audience thinking that you weren’t coming today. No, you wanted their days to feel endless. When Yoongi loved you-past tense- you had even been kind to some of them in return for cooperation. Then you became a ruthless monster after... 

You frowned, thinking of that last night. The shouting that could be heard around the mansion, the pain. You ran your fingers through your hair, unable to focus. That dream really had you frazzled now. Why, after so many months, had this happened? 

There was a knock at the door. You suspected it to be the maid, though she had instructions to bring you a to-go box and leave it at the door in the mornings. You liked to start the festivities early. However, the knocking continued. You slipped on black jeans, a black shirt, and black leather jacket. Black hid blood well. You then grabbed your gloves and put them into your pocket. With the knocking going non-stop you shouted, “Oi! I’m coming jesus fucking-” 

You swung the door open only to be met with the amused smirk of Jimin. 

“Oh, you.” You mocked annoyance. 

“You didn’t arrive as early as usual, but I supposed you wanted your beauty sleep.” He teased. 

“Come on! Is getting five hours of sleep really ‘beauty sleep’.” You rolled your eyes. Though, you had to admit that usually it was four or even three hours of sleep. You usually couldn’t rest, the faces of those you’d...taken care of, haunting you at night. Sometimes, when you were getting in bed, you would feel like someone was watching you. Sometimes you’d see their faces in the mirror behind you, bloodied and angry. They haunted you everywhere you went, but now...now there was no one to calm you. Yoongi used to hold you until they went away. Now, you just stared right back at them, further imprinting them into your eyes. Now, you didn’t sleep. 

“The special guest is waiting for you. I woke him up.” Jimin eyed your outfit. All black was slick and put together. All black meant blood. Lots of blood. 

-

-

Jimin liked to wake up his guests with a simple punch or in some case, a cold bucket of water was good. He never really enjoyed his job, he was forced into it. Unlike you, he resisted it as much as possible. It was a situation where you couldn’t figure out who was weaker. The one who gave in to the job, or the one who wouldn’t even do the job. 

You stepped into the room, Jimin at close step behind you. Taehyung was soaked. His teeth chattered and he stared at you with dark eyes. You dragged a metal chair over, letting it screech an awful noise on the cement. You placed it in front of him and straddled the back. Your hands rested on the back of the chair, letting him see how well you took care of them. The news would have you think that your hands were dirty, and they were, but not physically. You had clean hands, pristine. Your nails were well taken care of, each a perfect shape. 

“Mr. Kim.” You drawled his last name as if it were disgusting. “Tell me about yourself.” A small smile made its way onto your lips. If Taehyung wasn’t tied to a chair and drenched in cold water right now, he would have taken it as something inviting and warm. The affect of your voice was soothing and warm, allowing a sense of comfort he indulged in without your knowledge. You had always had that voice, you didn’t try to change it. It helped get answers. You thought back a moment. Yoongi had wanted you to get any information out of him, but you had questions of your own and this freedom was unknown to you. 

The dark haired male glanced to the side, trying to quell his teeth chattering. It wasn’t fair. He was supposed to be scared of you, and that he was, but he was also intrigued. You could look so innocent if you wanted to, but he knew, just like him, that there was something dark. You see, Taehyung held a similar job to you in his rival gang. He wasn’t going to tell you that, though. If he did, you would probably be able to use his own torture methods against him. His ideology was “If it gave him pain, it must pain others.”. Being new to the business, of course he still flinched when handing out punishments. He knew that once he let you inside his head, you weren’t going to come out, and it would be a slippery slope to not let too many things be given away. 

“Not talking?” Your voice brought him out of his head. He watched you slowly pull on those leather gloves. The other male in the room just stood to the side and tried not to look at him. “Jimin.” You called to the man in the corner, not even looking at him. “Please hand me the lighter.” 

You didn’t need to look at your assistant’s face to know he had a horrified expression. 

“A-Already?” He hesitated, slowly picking up the lighter. 

“Well, I know his name, perhaps some more motivation will have our guest open up more.” You locked eyes with the man in front of you. “Don’t be scared, we’re just having a conversation, you and I. We’re just getting to know each other. Think of us as friends now.” You lied through your teeth. 

A low growl emitted from his throat. “Now why would I tell you anything?” His voice was deep and menacing. 

“Because, we’re friends.” You patted his knee with a sadistic smile gracing your face. You were handed the lighter by Jimin who had finally gotten the courage up to deliver the terrifying yet simple weapon. You haphazardly flicked the flame open and closed as you twirled it around. It was a trick you’d learned from Yoongi. 

“We are not friends.” He let his eyes pierce into yours. You patted his shoulder. 

“Intimidation gets you nowhere here, darling.” You flicked open the lighter and held it dangerously near his skin, letting him feel the flame. Surprisingly enough, he didn’t even flinch. It was as if he had done this a million times before. You righted yourself, now looking intriguingly at the man. “What kind of work do you do for your gang?” 

He hesitated, that half a second pause while he searched for a good answer. The one that immediately told you he was lying. Nevertheless, you pretended to buy his answer that he “was a low level drug supplier”. 

“What kind of drugs?” 

“Coke, mary jane, zannys.” He said nonchalantly. 

“Hm.” At least you had gotten him talking. Otherwise, this would have been very painful. You stood, deciding that was enough. He wasn’t giving you truthful answers and you didn’t want to waste your time on him any longer today. You walked over to the light switch and turned it off, setting your alarm for five hours. Jimin followed in step with you as you left the room. 

-

-

“I really think he won’t budge. We should try another tactic.” Jimin said, seeming genuinely concerned. 

“Tell me, Jimin, are you saying this out of genuine hope we can get more information, or to give our precious guest a break?” You asked, not even bothering to look up from your phone. 

“Well...”

“We go over this every time. My method works. Talking is a toy next to mental suffering and physical pain.” 

“But, it just doesn’t seem like we’ll get anywhere. I know people like him. He won’t budge, you just have to trust me.” Jimin pleaded. 

“Why are you so concerned?” You narrowed your eyes. Your head finally turned to look at him, tilting in a perplexed look. 

“I just, I think if I were him-”

“Do you want to be?” You snapped. Jimin fell silent, eyes opening wide. You were friends, yes, but you still held authority over him. You ran a hand down your face, seemingly exasperated. “I’ll think about it, Jiminie.” You said, hoping the nickname would erase his newfound fear. You had the bad habit of pushing people away, of scaring them to the point of running. That’s what happened with Yoongi after all. 

Jimin looked away, an apathetic expression on his face. “Of course.” He said, no emotion crossing his voice. 

“Right...” You felt like a monster. Just as Yoongi said months ago. “I...I need to check on some things.” 

As you hurried away, you mentally beat yourself up. Dammnit, Y/N, this is why you don’t let people close to you. They can hurt you. You and Jimin had been friends, right? Did you just fuck it up, just like everything else, by threatening him? He had just been trying to help. 

You opened the door to your bedroom and raced in, slamming the door shut. You fell against the wall, not sure if you felt sad, hurt, angry, or...nothing at all. There was a sinking pit in your stomach. You looked up, seeing your first victim. They all haunted you, but she did the most. She was so pretty...so kind. And then she met you. And you had a job to do. You believed that day, the one where you shot her point blank while her family watched, was the day your humanity died. That day, something came unhinged. Now you just sat helplessly. Her ghost should be angry. Instead you felt the hallucination stroking your hair. You knew no one was there. You knew you were slowly going insane. Isn’t that what makes everything better? Acknowledging the insanity, you sobbed. 

“I’m sorry.” You croaked to her. She just nodded her head. You didn’t want to sleep. You didn’t want to do anything. So instead, you stared ahead at the dark walls of your room. Maybe Jimin was right. Maybe marking Taehyung up would do nothing. Besides, you had to admit he was...beautiful. Even you weren’t so soulless as to mark that. An idea slunk into your mind like a leak during a rainy day. You could ignore it, but you knew it would cause issues later. 

Could it work? Would it work? There was only one way to find out...

-

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Please please let me know if you want more the series!! I’m just hoping to get the ball rolling here! - love, Marria (That’s me!)

Previous | Next

[kpopscenario]

Did I stutter?

(Part 1)

Pairing: Yunho x Female Reader

Genre: Angst, Smut

Word Count: 4.5k

Summary: Two mafia gangs, enemies to death. And one twisted, dark desire connecting the two.

A/N: Mafia!Au, Shooting, Kidnapping, Slight Gunplay, Degradation, Cursing

___

“Everything’s planned and there will be no re-arrangements”, the dark-haired man in the boss’ chair talked with a clear but low voice. His raven black eyes darted at each and everyone of us standing around the glass table. A few nods and agreements later, Hongjoong stood up, nodded and looked at the clock that hung above the entry door. “Everyone’s at their told position at exactly 1am. Not much time left so you better prepare and hurry. I want no mistakes. The raid will be fully under control.”

“Yes, boss”, my colleagues all agreed with the leader and then left the room with their heavy, black coats on and their hidden weapons. Next to the basic guns everyone in the gang had with them like a second skin, each one had their own specialty. If it was the shotguns, a simple baseball bat, the handling of daggers or garrote wires. Everyone had their skill and mine consisted of my two babies on my back. Two of the sharpest and most dangerous daggers were placed crosswise on a belt around my lower back, hidden under the thick coat but perfect to reach in a heated situation. Not only had I been trained by Hongjoong the leader and best skilled man in the gang himself but also did my flawless skills brought me to the position of Hongjoong’s personal assistant and best assassin. Although the relatively young leader wasn’t even a bit soft from the outside and was able to intimate people with his simple presence, I could see the man behind the stern expressions and fierce orders. There was a caring core, a man caring for his people, for his family. He wasn’t the same person without the people around him, supporting him till death would part us all. We basically had no secrets from eachother, I knew the men in this gang as well as they knew about me and my imperfections. On this high level of professionalism that we all possessed, only the skilled ones were able to see other’s flaws and only like that, we could improve ourselves on a daily training basis.

Life in such a gang wasn’t a piece of cake. Days were packed with group and individual training sessions that could easily last until the sun was down again and you’d be sore for days. Going to bed at 3 in the morning after having had a hot shower and some stretching exercises had become a natural routine for me. There wasn’t much time for oneself. If it wasn’t for training, time would pass during meals with the others before the next session was due. That or some special tasks that would come directly from Hongjoong in my case. As his personal assistant, I for instance was responsible for the newcomer training session with the basic weapons everyone needed to master before going to an actual mission. So needless to say, I had made a name in the gang. And not only because I was the only female in the task force, my sharp working, skilled hands and an intimidating image spoke for themselves. Even rolemodel fighters with the same level as me knew not to mess with me. My temper was under control mostly but hell, you didn’t want to make me mad.

Not if you didn’t want to lose some fingers.

While I was sharping my precious daggers, seated on the boss’ table, I felt the presence of another pair of eyes on me. So I didn’t even have to look up to know how Hongjoong was observing me once again. It was a habit of him, I guess it made sense to observe the members of his pack. In the end, we were the ones to fuck everything up if the worst happened. He was very strict considering the selection of people that were allowed to go on a mission. Only the best ones were qualified, a newcomer needed years of training before being allowed to do little tasks on their own. The punishment for a failed mission…well, they were connected with not only shame and disgrace within the members of the gang but also with being banned from missions for an awfully long time.

I had already gone on multiple missions. Not only raids and assassination missions, there had been countless interrogations that I had to lead, to get the precious information squeezed out of someone. And I was good at my job. There had been crashed missions, ruined by my team. We succeeded in stopping our enemies from making business profits countless times. If my team was something then we were stubborn and hard to rip off once we were glued on someone.

But every gang had that one person that was especially hard to deal with. In our gang I guess that this person was me, but in the pack of our enemy it was this one man, the biggest pain in the ass.

Jeong Yunho.

This awfulness of a man had been the constant burden, an annoying problem that kept appearing out of nowhere, when we least expected him to pop up and when we needed that extra portion of trouble the least. That man was the issue in my usual flawless rapports that kept making me look like a failure. It was because of him that Hongjoong kept pushing me harder, he wanted me to finally get rid of that plague.

And so, I had almost made it a personal mission to observe Yunho over the years.

Needless to say, Yunho hadn’t been involved in all my missions considering his pack. Even when we were sabotaging their traffic or their own missions, he had sometimes only been in the background. But the few times I had met him on the battlefield, I could catch a lot of his shadow-like character.

Although he must have been in my age, he was boosting with not only seriousness surrounding him in everything that he did, but he was also that kind of person that could easily snap your neck without even flinching. He was stern but could also throw those awfully annoying jokes at his enemy that was about to shoot a bullet in his head. He wasn’t scared to die. Yunho was skilled, there was no doubt about it. I had seen it myself, how fast his reflexes were and how well he was with controlling his physical strength. Yunho had brought down too many men of our gang, his team wasn’t even that big but fuck, sometimes they came over us like a lightning. Nevertheless, Yunho wasn’t the actual leader of the enemy’s pack. He was their best taskforce member and basically had the same position as me in my gang. I knew him that well because he kept making those vendettas between the two packs about him and me. I hated how he used missions as some kind of competition between good fighters. What was his profit of that?

He wanted to see us fail, wanted to see me fail.

Wanted to see me break and fall.

But hell did he know that I wanted the same with him.

I didn’t chose to stand in constant competition with this asshole of a man. He was the enemy and I wanted nothing with seeing him dead. That’s what I wanted. Not his provocative comments when he succeeded and I failed. Not that smirk he wore whenever we would meet in a heated scene. Not that over-confidently look everytime he tried to rile me up, just to make my own confidence drop. Hell, it wasn’t working. He would never get enough satisfaction from all those games he was playing. I wasn’t his fucking puppet but a fierce competitor that wanted him to break.

I must had zoomed out completely in my raging thoughts, since I needed a few seconds to notice what Hongjoong now had said towards me.

“Everything’s planned”, the male in front of me mumbled once again, more to himself. It made me nod hesitantly. Focus on this mission.

“As you said before. It will work out, don’t worry. We have gone through this plan so often. They will be fucked after our little visit.”

And then, every sense of possible doubt or insecurity was vanished from Hongjoong’s face. He was into that cold state of mind, which would leave me scared and sleepless at the beginning of my career. If I hadn’t known him better, my knees would have given up right then and there. But now I was just hopping off the table as he had gotten his coat on, put the shotgun around his frame and rushed out of the headquarter – with me by his side.

“Let their heads roll.”

__

12:46.

That was what my silver wristwatch told me as I was around the corner from the enemy’s local point. They also had their headquarter but we did our research and knew for a fact that this gang had meetings in their own underground bar every night basically. But on every Thursday night there would be a bigger scene down there, not only casual hangouts, some clients and no-names. On Thursdays like this one, there would be the high class in that basement and we were ready to finish our rivalry with them on this day. End the rivalry without peace but with their blood on our guns.

It was a cold spring night and the thin leather gloves didn’t really bring me the warmth my body craved but right now I couldn’t care less about being cold. There was a mission and a clear target. Through the little microphones we had in our ear, the gang members kept sending their status updates about their positions and condition, something we were required to do. Hongjoong would get crazy mad if someone would so on a solo trip without communicating, the punishment for that was worse than making small mistakes.

“In position”, I heard another whisper through the microphone. With my eyes on the bar entrance, I was keeping my position as planned. A thousand times before. I didn’t need more than a few extra seconds to spot two of our snipers, positioned in the third floor of the building opposites the bar’s front and of the side entrance.

“Jane, update.” Hongjoong’s sudden voice in my ear made me slip back into reality. I cleared my throat.

“Sorry, in position.”

“Good. Wait for the green light then.”

With that, the voices disappeared and I could notice the city’s nightlife sounds. They were faded in the background since we weren’t exactly in the most popular and crowded quarters of the city. The streets here were narrow, dark and only semi-lit from the old street lanterns. There weren’t any citizens passing by, there was a cat rushing from car under another but next to that, silence. Suffocating silence even. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears next to the loud breathing. I was stiff but my hand was already under my coat, always ready for any unwanted surprise. The cold daggers were like an extension of my arm, I would only have to lift my arm and a throat would be covered with a cute red line. People really shouldn’t mess with me if I had my uniform on. The daggers were on my lower back while the colt was in its pocket attached to the belt around my waist. The chains around my chest weren’t only aesthetic as well, if I needed to use them to tie someone up, I would with no hesitation. Black hair was braided so it wouldn’t become a burden.

“12.57, get ready. Guards are out of sight apparently. Have you checked?” As soon as I heard Hongjoong’s voice, I couldn’t help but notice the lack of people guarding the basement. Usually there weren’t always some men there as well but still, it let me question things. Did it mean something or was it just their own casualty that made them forget guards on their bar? Right then, the snipers and the task team confirmed that there wasn’t anyone around, not even on the back of the bar. Meant we had free field.

“No snipers?”

“No snipers either, sir.”

“1am. Let’s go then. Go, go, go!”

And with Hongjoong permission, we started the mission. While my heart was beating up to my ears and I could feel how sweaty my hands got in the gloves, I watched the first wave rush across the street like shadows. Silent and almost flowing they reached their position. Two on the entrance, one on the side entrance, three at the back and the snipers ready to stop anyone who would try to slip through our hands. I made eye contact with the one on the side who then nodded back at me as I gave him permission to storm in. And after a few exchanged orders, they were all inside. I could only hear three loud doors banging open and people shouting messily, inaudible what they were saying.

Furniture crashed around.

Shots.

People wildly screamed.

Guns clicking.

Glass shattered.

Cries of help.

Footsteps, people running, tripping, falling.

All this was audible from my distanced position. My fingertips were tingling. Not sure if it was from the cold or from the fact that I didn’t take my hand off the dagger since Hongjoong gave the order to attack. I could only imagine what was happening in there. For now, not one soul left the bar. Not one enemy, not one member of the own pack. Only 7 minutes had passed as I looked at my watch. Time seemed to fly past me. I wanted to be in there, help them, shoot the enemy, bring this to a definite end.

This enemy had been an unpleasant burden for us for many many years now. Not only were they the biggest competitor when it came to our traffic business but also had they killed dozens of our men. They were known for their strategy and clever field tactics. They had smart heads in their teams that figured out how to drag their competitors down, make them fail or lose sudden profit. How often did we hear about them having stolen trucks full of our goods. They kept hacking in our systems, trying to do the same we were doing with them for years. Their task force on the other side, with which I had to deal most of the times, was as clever and tactical as ours. They would come up with backup plans that were as unexpected as they were dangerous to us, however we knew their game. We weren’t stupid. We had a whole time that was analyzing their steps and tricks on a daily basis. We knew them and they knew us. It was a rivalry on a high level, with dirty tricks and lots of blood flowing between the fronts. The people from the enemy gang weren’t too underrate at all, but so weren’t we. They were the biggest pain in the ass and we had reached a point where almost weekly streetfights just weren’t enough anymore. A new strategy had to come up. And Hongjoong had enough of those little plans, he wanted to go all in with this mission.

___

“We will show them that they can’t mess with us anymore. We will bring this rivalry to an end, whatever the costs will be.”

And he was very specific about that ‘whatever the costs will be’ part. He literally had the coldest and most stern face on in that meeting that he showed us in a very long time. He really meant what he brought to plan later on. The mission was clear. Set a sign. Bring them to fall. Bring them to their knees and let them beg for their dear lives. Show no mercy. Think of all the brothers they had taken away from us.

___

I was already changing my weight from one foot to the other as I was getting a little impatient by now. I sighed out loud while I waited for someone to give an update.

Someone. One soul.

Fucking hell, where were all of them?

“Help”, someone then finally broke the silence and it left me gasping.

“Yes, green light?”

“Come in, n-now.”

They didn’t need to tell me twice. And so I rushed across the street, a shadow myself. Daggers ready at hand as I pushed the door, which was already open and went inside the narrow and semi lit bar. I tried to keep my breathing as quiet as possible as I was looking around. Like a cat I scanned my surroundings while moving deeper in the building, slowly checking my back again before I rushed down the old stairs that made some creaking noises under my heavy boots. For a moment, I was surrounded by pure darkness and wondered why but when I reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped on a broken lightbulb, everything seemed a bit more like a recent fight. With a careful but swift movement, I turned around towards the actual room where the bar was, ready to cut some throats as my hands now held both dagger handles.

But to my shock, there was no need to.

With wide eyes, I scanned the pale faces of my gang members, some already covered in blood, some were as clean as me. Their hair was messed up, guns in their hands. I then dropped my eyes to the motionless bodies on the floor. Clearly they were dead, the blood puddles under their heads and bodies were enough proof and the fact that my men were standing still in front of those on the floor showed me that they weren’t any danger anymore. The bar was a complete mess. On the huge shelf above the actual bar counter barely were any bottles left. Most of the shattered glass was on the counter, spread all over the wooden floor or even in the hallway where I was standing. Chairs were spread across the whole room, as well as the heavy tables. It was pure chaos, nothing else. Nevertheless, something wasn’t right and this feeling made cold shivers run down my spine. With hesitation, I looked up at their lost faces once again.

“This…makes no sense. There weren’t only these four people.” Although it wasn’t a question, I didn’t seem sure about what to ask them since they looked clueless as well. No, there had to be more to it.

“We stormed the bar and all we found were two people in here and these two hiding in the backrooms”, Mingi’s explanation made me clench my jaw and grab my gun firmly. I needed to see it myself. The clock was ticking and this mission just couldn’t be already over, what- ten minutes?

“One will stay here and report. One follows me to the other rooms. Hurry up!”, their hesitation made me get impatient as hell, so I sounded even harsher than I usually did. It was enough to make Mingi gulp and quickly follow me out of the big room.

“But there aren’t even too many other rooms-”, I cut Mingi by shushing him and nodding into the direction of the stairs.

“Go upstairs and check every fucking room, turn every table, report and be fucking careful. They are fucking with us, I know it.”

Mingi didn’t hesitate to go upstairs when I told him to. Although he was at least one and a half heads taller than me, he was intimidated by me and it was good like that. Now I was the one who needed to be rational. Once Mingi was gone, I decided to check the bathrooms, well – one dirty trashhole consisting of two disgusting cabins. Nothing. I made sure to not fling the doors open like a maniac so if there actually still was someone, they wouldn’t be gone by now. With piercing eyes and a heart that was alarmingly loud against my chest, I rushed into the next room, then the next. They were all empty! Fuck.

Once I had checked every room and arrived at the main room twice, there was no patience left in my body. My nerves had found an end and I just wanted to solve the mystery why they weren’t in here. What the fuck had they set up? By now, the fact that they had probably planned something bigger was the loudest thought in my head right now and I hated this deep down to my guts. I could hear Mingi talking through his microphone as I was making my way towards the bathrooms again. I didn’t really hear exactly what Mingi was discussing but based on the frustrated stuttering that left his mouth, he was probably talking to a very unpleasant Hongjoong. Fuck, now I didn’t want to imagine how raging the leader must have been. Did we fuck up? I mean we killed all the men in the bar and that was the mission as far as I could memorize. But my guts told me something bad was coming for us. For all of us.

A loud bang interrupted my messy thoughts and made me flinch heavily. The fuck was that? It didn’t come from inside. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Wide eyed, I instantly rushed around the corner but paid attention that nobody would surprise me from any of the rooms I had already checked a hundred times before.

“Mingi”, I hissed into the microphone as I was facing the backdoor. There was a suffocating silence on the other end of the line and it made me want to scream up the stairs. Was he deaf? “Mingi, this is a fucking order. Answer me, what happened?”

“Jane, what is going on in there? Do you need more men?”, Shit, I didn’t need Hongjoong to ask the same as I wanted to ask Mingi. Was was this man doing upstairs?

And there it was again. A loud banging sound, clearly from outside. I wanted to call Mingi again but there was no way that I could wait for him to answer right now. With a pounding heart and a dagger in my sweaty hand, I pressed my back at the backdoor. For a moment I closed my eyes, a way that I could prepare to storm out later. Breathe in, breathe out.

3…

2…

1…

“Jane, answer!”

The door swung open, a trashcan fell on the ground from the collision with the wooden door and filled the darkness of streets with an echoing sound. I looked around with wide eyes, hot breath created a cloud infront of my face.

This … this didn’t make sense. Where did that loud bang come from? Where the hell was Mingi and what was the plan of the enemy? I was almost growling out of frustration as I looked around and walked a few steps before Hongjoong’s loud and clearly affected voice broke the piercing silence once more.

“Jane, for fuck’s sake! Answer me, or I-”

“Or you will what?”

The voice behind me made my heart drop. I thought my knees would give in – not this voice. Anyone’s but his. Never in a million years would I have expected that fucking man behind me and especially not right on my ear. Out of reflex, I gasped loudly but had enough fighting instinct inside of me so that I could swing my arm out. The dagger hitting nothing but air created a sharp sound, but that sound was interrupted when the person grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm effortlessly. A sharp and painful scream escaped my mouth. The dagger fell to the ground, my wrist was pounding I just wanted to end that person.

With all the force I had, I tried to rip my arm out of his harsh grip which turned out to be impossible. So I went over to my second option, grabbed the second dagger and instantly slammed it back where the man’s torso should be placed. And apparently it worked, the man groaned and cursed loudly before he grabbed that hand as well.

“You’re a very clever one, huh?”, his low voice right on my ear made me quiver and feel sick to my stomach but the moment didn’t last too long since moments later, I found myself slammed against the brick wall, face forward, his body behind me. I winced in pain and shifted as much as I could, trying everything for him to let go. I tried to kick, bite, to smack him upside the head.  His grip on my wrists only got harsher and actually hurt like hell. At one point he was shifting a lot behind me and even held my wrists in one hand. Even then I couldn’t free himself, no matter how much I moved them and fought against the grip that would surely leave bruises on my body.

“Get the fuck off me! I will literally rip your head off if you don’t-”, I wanted to scream again in hopes the gang would hear me. But before I could even raise my voice, the tall man pressed some kind of fabric against my mouth, covering my nose too with his big hand. I fought against the wet cloth, knowing very well what that was. I wouldn’t faint! As the panic inside of me was rising, I couldn’t help but to breathe faster and uncontrolled. The man had me caged against the wall, I couldn’t move my arms, nor could I kick him, or bite him.

I was trapped.

“Give up already, little one. You’re not winning this fight”, the man behind me growled in my ear as his lips were brushing against my skin which made me gasp again. But this time, that was a horrible idea. Having breathed in way too much of the chloroform, I could feel the strength leaving my body within seconds. My attempts to hit him were reduced as my muscles seemed to shut down. It was getting hard to keep the eyes open.

“Jane? Jane! Answer!”, Hongjoong.

Once again I tried to collect the rests of my strength. I needed to talk to him, he would help me. Anyone would rescue me. Frustrated filters however were the only sounds that left my lips as the stranger only pressed me harder against the wall, soon I even felt an arm tightly around my waist. Without, I would have probably fallen on the ground already.

“H…h-hong..”

“Sorry to disappoint you but this girl will go offline now”, Yunho talked into the ear where I had my microphone in, again I felt his lips against my ear but this time I could literally not do anything against him anymore. My vision got blurry, every sound faded to the background and I felt the urge to lie down.

The last thing I could remember was my numb body getting picked up, footsteps, muffled curses…

then blackness.

[krismusings]

Discord thread featuring: Roman and @quentindelancret

When: 12/28/20

Mentions: @malakhai-ozera

Description: Roman goes to Q’s place after Khai breaks up with him and of course lovey time ensues.

Trigger Warnings: sexy time, feels, breath play, weed.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman was a mess, eyes stinging with tears, and cheeks rubbed raw from how many times he’d tried to wipe them away. Part of the actor felt like he should be okay with this, that Khai breaking up with him would only make things easier since he had feelings for other people. Instead, he just...felt confused. His heart had never been tugged in so many directions, but one thing he did know for sure, was that he needed to see Quentin. Now. He didn’t even shoot off a text, which I’m hindsight probably would have been a good idea in case the other male wasn’t even home. But, instead, here was Roman, pounding on his friend’s door and praying he would be there, because there was absolutely no one else who was going to make him feel better right now.

Quentin.

Monday night was usually the night Quentin set aside for recording. So of course he was home and slummed down in a pair of low hanging sweats and a beanie. He heard the knocking on his door and truthfully he got a little irritated. Who the hell was at his place wanting drugs now? Logan had gone to California and Q was in no way in the mood to deal with his addict friends. He pushed out of his chair and pulled his headphones down around his neck as he made his way to pull the door open.  His eyes lighting up with surprise when he saw that it was Roman standing there. “Romie” he beamed. His wide smile quickly wiping away when he saw his best friend had been crying. “Oh no... what happened? Are you okay?” He reached out and pulled Roman into his arms and held onto him tightly. Pushing the door closed behind him and leading him into his apartment. “It’s okay. I got you” he said with a soft comforting tone. Setting down onto the couch with him and stroking his hair.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman practically crumbled against his friend once they made it to the couch, nuzzling his face against the side of his friend’s neck while he tried to relax against the fingers in his hair. Quentin knew exactly what made him relax, which was one of the main reasons he came here right away to begin with. He was the one person who was on his mind the very second he needed someone, or really in general these days. “Khai broke up with me.” The actor finally whispered, voice shuttering a little because it was the first time he’d said it out loud. “Which, I guess I knew was coming with everythin’ going on with both of us. I should be okay with this. I’ve been such a fucking asshole, and haven’t dealt with this the way I should, so why am I being such a baby?” He shook his head, and then pulled back to look at Quentin with puffy eyes, and a short sniff.

Quentin.

It broke Quentins heart to see Roman like this. All he wanted to do was make him feel better and take away any pain he was feeling. The last thing he was expecting Roman to say though was that Khai broke up with him. “Roman” he spoke with such a soft sympathetic tone. “I’m so sorry, baby.” He placed his hand to the side of Romans face and caressed his cheek bone gently with his thumb to wipe away any tears. “You... are not an asshole. Don’t say that. There’s no way you could have known, and there is no right way to deal with these kind of things. I think you did the best that you could... and of course you’re not okay with it. I mean, you love him.” He moved a bit closer to his friend and placed his free hand onto Romans other cheek. He hated seeing Roman like this so much. All he wanted to do was make him smile again. “Yeah, you are being a baby. My baby... and I got you” he half smiled. “I could go kick his ass for you if you like. He might squash me but I’d do it for you” he mused. Maybe now wasn’t the time for jokes. But no one ever said Q was the best at handling these kind of situations.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman could probably kill someone and Quentin would still act like he was perfect in every way. That was one of the things he loved about the other male, but it didn’t mean it was reality. Roman knew his flaws, it was obvious that he wasn’t perfect. No one could be, but in this moment, it felt like he was the most messed up person in the world. How could he be upset about getting dumped when his heart was with someone else? How could he love multiple people at once? What was fucking wrong with him? “No, I’m actually really proud of him for doing what he needed to do, to have the balls to get help, and tell me how he felt. I wish I could be that way.” The barista shook his head, and looked at Quentin with a saddened expression. “He knows that I love you...” Roman admitted, and then looked down for a moment. “He knew already, and I finally had the balls to admit it.”

Quentin.

It became clear to Quentin that his jokes were certainly misplaced when Roman responded. It kinda made him feel like shit that he had even tried. Roman was hurting and here he was actually like it was no big deal. Even though, he knew deep down it was most definitely a big deal. “Yeah, that does take a lot of balls” he nodded. Pulling his hands from Roman’s face as he remembered his own struggles with heroin. His girlfriend at the time was cheating on him through it all, and then ended up ODing so he knew exactly where Roman was coming from. It was time to drop the act of everything in life is peachy and be real. “Roman. You know... we all have our flaws” he began to say. But his words were cut short when his friend looked at him like that. He knew? “Oh...” he breathed out, suddenly feeling like maybe this was all his fault. He sat there for a moment just looking at Roman as he pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry. You don’t think that’s why...?” Quentin shook his head and then placed his hand on Roman’s knee. As if that would somehow make the situation better.

“I really... I just don’t think these situations are ever easy. Whether you fell in love with me or not, or he did heroin or not. I don’t think anything is ever that black and white, ya know? You and I have had so many talks about relationships, and monogamy. I just feel like maybe you think this is all your fault somehow. But, Roman... you two were in love. Anything that happened after that initial start up of the relationship was all because of that. I think sometimes we’re just not meant to be with people no matter how much we love them. But I do know one thing for sure; there is a reason for everything. Like; there’s  a reason why he was your first boyfriend, and why you were still able to fall in love with me while being with him. I mean, you said he knew. Which to me says he knew exactly who you are and still loved you in spite of it. This doesn’t make you a bad person, Roman. He just... I don’t know. Maybe he couldn’t handle it. But when I look at you. I still see that perfectly flawed ball of beautiful mess that I love.”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman watched Quentin as he spoke, hanging on every word as he always did, because it always meant a lot to hear what his friend had to say. No one cared more about Q’s opinion than Roman, he’d almost bet on that. He trusted this man more than absolutely anyone, and took his word as gospel. Maybe that was unhealthy, but being so far away from his family meant he needed someone to lean on, and Quentin was that person. He reached for his hands as soon as he finished, pressing his lips to his knuckles as he closed his eyes, and stayed that way for a moment. After a few seconds, Ro cleared his throat, and dropped both of their hands so he could play with Quentin’s fingers while thinking of what to say. “Thank you. You’re always there for me, and know exactly what to say.” His voice was raspy from crying, but he still managed a small smirk as his eyes flicked up to meet the other’s. “And I love you. I do. So fucking much, in every way. You’re my best friend, like family, and I also jus’...” he took in a deep breath, and ran a thumb over Q’s palm. “I think about you all the time.” Roman let out a dry laugh, as if this was really finally hitting him all at once. “And the biggest thing with Khai, and the fact that it’s over, is I just can’t shake the guilt.”

Quentin.

When Roman took his hand he could feel his heart speed up. He wasn’t sure if he was saying the right things or not. These were all just his opinions, and he hated being this raw. In fact, Roman was the only person he allowed himself to be this open with. He meant more to him than literally anyone, and he just wished that Roman could see himself the way he saw him. “Well, that’s not true. I don’t always know what to say. I just speak my truth, Romie.” He let his hand open for Roman’s thumb to trail along his palm and let his fingers rub against his friends wrist. “I think about you all the time too. I know you feel guilty. But, you know what? I don’t think Khai would want you to feel guilty. He has his demons too, and if he loves you like I think he does. I’m sure he just wants you to be happy.” Maybe that was just how he felt about it all. But being in love with Roman himself, he couldn’t see how Khai wouldn’t feel the same way. “It’s okay to be sad though. I’m gonna make you a bubble mask” he smiled. Closing his hand around Romans and leaning forward to kiss his forehead.December 29, 2020

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Thank god for Quentin. Seriously. This man was somehow making him feel better when it didn’t seem possible, and showering him with the perfect amount of love, and affection. Plus, who didn’t love forehead kisses? Roman didn’t even know what to say next, because words didn’t seem to measure up. Instead, the actor just leaned in to press his lips to the corner of Quentin’s mouth, and then turned his head to connect their mouths. It was such a soft kiss, needy, but gentle. It wasn’t supposed to be anything other than a token of gratitude, to let the other know that he was appreciated more than words could convey. Roman was a man of action after all. He had to back up what he was preaching, always. “Mmm weed?” Ro asked as soon as he pulled back, smiling because asking Quentin if he had, or wanted to smoke weed was probably the dumbest thing he’d ever done. But, he needed to calm his nerves, and he loved getting high with Q anyway.

Quentin.

Quentin smiled when Roman leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth. He wasn’t really expecting that to happen at all, despite the actor telling him quite clearly that he loved him. As much as he wanted to kiss his best friend and take his mind completely off of everything,  It was honestly the last thing on his mind, and he was taken a bit off guard with the way Roman melted right into his lips. He kissed him back with a slow languid passion. A soft whimper uncontrollably falling into Roman’s mouth before feeling him pull away. “Yesss... weeeeed” he smiled not even opening his eyes for a good few seconds. Damn that kiss knocked him for a loop. Stay focused Q he thought to himself, finally opening his eyes with a soft chuckle. “I’ll be right back” he informed. Standing up and pulling the headphones from his neck to place back onto the desk. He walked into the bedroom but only for a moment before returning with an arm full of stuff. “Here babe.. there some really good shit in here” he said, handing him a Darth Vader shaped tin. “I have some swishers in my back pocket” he turned so that Roman could reach them. He finally sat down beside him again on the couch and crossed his legs in Indian styled as he spread a bunch of shit out on the coffee table. He wasn’t kidding. He was legit gonna make Roman a bubble mask, and they were gonna get high as fuck while he did it too.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

High. Something Roman was often, if not most of the time. It was like being sober and stuck in reality was his worst nightmare. Could he really even be upset with Khai if he was doing the same thing? Yeah, maybe it wasn’t something as hard as heroin, but he was still trying to escape. He sat there for a moment as soon as Q got up, staring at his hands while his expression went solemn. God, he really was a brilliant actor, wasn’t he? Turning it on and off in a matter of seconds. But, just as fast as he’d switched moods before, he was smiling once again at his best friend when he walked back in with the goods. “Perfectttt...” he reached for the wraps in Quentin’s back pocket before slapping him on the ass, genuine in his positive semblance now that Q was back in his presence. That was how he’d first realized he was falling in love with Quentin to begin with. The other male never failed to lift his mood. “I love this Star Wars tin so much.” He confessed while making them a blunt, knowing that his friend already knew that they shared a love of the popular franchise. “We need to do a Star Wars marathon one day.” Ro brought the nearly finished blunt to his lips, licking along the wrap before ultimately sealing it.

Quentin.

Roman really was a good actor. Probably the best Q had ever come across here in Kingsboro. But even with the smile and happy semblance, Quentin knew Roman was still sad. They talked about how much he loved and adored Khai so many times. There was no way he even expected Roman to be okay right now.  But he wasn’t going to dig either. If Roman wanted to get high and try to act like he was okay, then Q would be right there to support him. His best friend already knew he would be right there to catch him whenever he was ready to break. He let out a small squeal when Roman slapped his ass and then giggled like a school girl as he shook his head. God he knew Roman was gonna do that. But he loved it nonetheless. “Yeah? You like that one? I have an R2D2 one as well.. and of course Princess Leia. You can have that one if you want” he smiled. His hands mixing in a bunch of different ingredients for the mask as he kept shifting his attention between the two works of art. “We should definitely do that. I agree” he nodded. His eyes following Romans tongue as it slowly glided along the blunt. “Maybe we can make a day of it. I can get us some galactic snacks and maybe even make fresh paddy frogs, and floating fruits” he teased. Pulling his hands from the mixture and moving to straddle over Roman’s lap. “Close your eyes beautiful boy. I’m gonna a make you even more stunning then you already are” he grinned.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

The thoughts of putting his weed in Princess Leia sounded extremely appealing, so of course the brit was nodding to accept Quentin’s gracious offer. Roman became extremely distracted though when Q straddled him, knowing the other was doing it this way on purpose. They both knew they couldn’t physically stay apart for too long once they were in the same room. It just wasn’t possible. Y’know...for scientific reasons. Roman smirked while the other man tried to apply his mask, hands dropping down to Quentin’s waist so he could dip his thumbs under the hem of the other’s shirt. “I love so much that you made me a face mask.” Roman giggled before closing his eyes, attempting to be a good boy and do as he was told.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰

Of course he was doing it this way on purpose. He wanted to keep Roman as distracted from his heartache as possible. But he also just wanted to be in his lap. He couldn’t help himself honestly. There was a magnetic pull between the two of them, and no matter how hard they tried, they had to be touching in some way. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth to bite back his naughty little grin as he felt Roman’s thumbs brush along his skin just above his waist.  Giving his hips a little wiggle as if to stop him, but not really wanting him to at all. “You better behave, Romie” he chuckled through his words. Placing his hands upon Roman’s cheeks as he began to massage little circles around his cheekbones. “Yeah?” he asked with a light whispered tone. “Well, I love making them for you too. I gotta take care of my man don’t I?” Calling his best friend his just simply fell from his lips so easily. He didn’t even think about it. His hands working sensually over the beautiful outlines of Romans face as he applied more of the mixture.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman was smirking at the command to behave, like that was even possible. He’d never really behaved in his life, especially not when he was in a situation like this. Quentin was a model, actually, even better looking than any model he’d ever seen. He was like the most beautiful man brought to life. How the other male couldn’t see that, Roman would never know, but it wasn’t something that ever left his mind. Ro leaned in to nip at Quentin’s collarbone for a split second, and then pulled back to let the other male continue what he was trying to do while Roman tried not to smile. He just called the actor his man. His man. There was no way he was going to stop smiling now. “Oh? Is that so? Please, tell me more.” The barista ran his fingertips up Quentin’s chest over his shirt.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

Quentin was all smiles as he watched Roman smirking like an idiot. It made him feel all giddy inside and to be quite honest. It really turned him on. Roman was the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his entire life, and that smile of his. God! It did things to him he would never be able to put into words. When Roman leaned forward to nip at his collar bone, Q practically growled. Gripping onto the sides of his best friends head to not fall backwards the best he could with his hands covered in bubble mask. “Heeeey” he grinned. Trying to make a serious face but failing miserably as he quirked his brow at the actor and booped his nose. “That is so” he insisted with a wide blushy smile. “Someone’s gotta take care of you, and it should most definitely be me” he informed. His chest rising and falling a bit slow and heavy as Roman’s fingers trailed over his chest. He reached for the towel he left draped over the back of the couch and wiped off his hands before cupping them around the sides of his mans neck. “I love you. I’m always gonna take care of you, Romie” he added with a much softer tone. The kind of tone you get when you’re really feeling someone and wanting to kiss them more than you even care to breathe. “Do you feel tingly?”

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman had always wanted to feel like he was in his own 80s romcom, falling in love to an epic soundtrack with the greatest love songs of all time. Think Titanic, Armageddon, Say Anything. He wanted someone to hold a boom box outside his window, or jump into his arms. He wanted all of that with Quentin. Roman had traveled all over the world, but nothing had ever been more exciting than falling in love. This feeling was definitely why people risked getting hurt, wasn’t it? “I feel extremely tingly.” The actor admitted while pressing his hand against Quentin’s chest. “Your heart’s beating so fast.” Roman observed, and looked up into the other’s deep blue eyes.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

The way Roman was looking at him right now, was indescribable. It was almost as if he were watching a romance movie and Q was the leading man that everyone fell in love with.  He had never been looked at like this before, and truthfully, it was a bit overwhelming. Mostly because he could see in Roman’s eyes exactly what he was feeling for him as well. It was no secret that Quentin was a bit of a hopeless romantic. He craved the perfect love story, the magical moments, and he wanted them all so badly with Roman. He could feel himself getting lost inside his best friends touch. Falling deeper and deeper into him as his hand pressed against his chest. He couldn’t even speak for a moment, only nodding his head to Romans words as he licked his lips and caressed his thumbs along Roman jawline. “I... I feel extremely tingly too.” Really Quentin? That’s what you’re gonna chose to say right now?

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman could tell he was somewhat talking Quentin off guard. He looked the most vulnerable he could remember even seeing the other male. He was pliant, and seemingly on his same level. “Good.” Ro slid his hand up Q’s chest to his collarbone, and ultimately around his neck. It was in an erotic way, just holding onto the younger with a certain sense of ownership, and control. Plus, he loved being able to feel the way his pulse sped up at the action, and how his voice vibrated down his forearm, and spread through his body. “Tell me what else you’re feeling.” Roman asked in a deep tone, eyes flicking up to look at Quentin with a darkened gaze.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

Everything was so simple with Roman. As easy as breathing even. But up until this very moment, Quentin had tried to keep a cap on what he was truly feeling for his best friend. Roman had a boyfriend, and he had Aaron. But after his confession to Aaron, and the business man telling him not to love him. This break up with Khai somehow blew the cap clear out of existence. His heart was beating so hard and fast and it wasn’t because he was scared per say. But more so because he knew Roman felt the same way. He had never felt like this before with anyone. So many emotions were pulsating throughout his body, and when Roman’s hand claimed his neck. He became alive in a way he never thought he truly could. His lips parted with a deep breath of desire as he gazed back into Roman’s darkened eyes. His own hands gripping firmly at his friends jawline as his thumb traced his lips. “I’m feeling... “ he breathed out with a lustful whisper. “Like I am so insanely and deeply in love with you. Like... I can feel you transcending throughout my entire existence.” He wasn’t exactly sure how they got to this point by doing bubble masks. But fuck, That was all just a part of the beautiful mystery in the alchemy.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜

Oh god. Roman had almost forgotten about the bubble mask until it started to feel kind of funny, knowing there’s no way he was gonna be sexy with this pillow on his face. The actor giggled, taking a moment to peel off the mask, and look up at his lover from such a fantastic angle. Seriously...who looked good from this angle other than Quentin??? His heart felt like mush the second the other male expressed his love, having the sensation of melted butter on warm bread - honey spread across his tongue. Man, he hadn’t even smoked yet, and he was already slipping into a fuzzy state of mind. “Yeah? I think I know exactly what you mean...” Roman held up the blunt he’d rolled, placing it between Quentin’s lips before switching on the lighter for him, lighting up the end so he could get the first few huffs. It was erotic, and he was kind of hoping for a good shot gun.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰

Quentin giggled with his best friend when he remembered he had a bubble mask on his face and watched him peel it off. Hell, Q was looking right at it the entire time, but It was like it was transparent. Looking  right through it and into those beautiful green eyes of his. “Oh, you think you know huh?” he grinned. Another soft giggle passing through his lips as Roman placed the blunt between them. He watched intensely as the actor ignited the flame and he inhaled deeply. Letting the smoke blissfully fill his lungs as he held it in for as long as he could. Smiling down at Roman he placed his hand onto his shoulder and leaned closer to press their lips together. Exhaling the smoke erotically  into his mans mouth as he let his tongue curl up beneath his top lip.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Quentin was so many things for Roman. He filled a variety of voids, and sex wasn’t even at the top of that list. So, he would never want to make his friend feel like he was using him in any capacity, the light touch of their lips together showing that Roman really wanted the intimacy. It was about the emotions he was feeling towards the younger, not the lust. “Mmmm....” Ro hummed into Quentin’s mouth, all while inhaling the smoke from the other’s lungs into his own. God, that was always so hot. Roman would do just about anything to be as close to Q as possible. The actor finally pulled away so he could turn his head, and exhale puffs of smoke into the air.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

There was absolutely nothing more intimate than getting high with some you love and shot gunning with them. It was like a poetic way of being able to breathe a piece of yourself straight into that other persons being. Maybe that was just a stoners way of thinking. But, Quentin knew that Roman could most definitely relate. He pulled back from Roman’s lips to watch the smoke slowly exhale from his lungs and a soft smile pulled at his lips. “It’s so good, right?” he hummed. Bringing the blunt up to his friends lips to let him hit it once again. It was kind of insane that they weren’t full on making out right now. But, it wasn’t about that. Even with the strong attraction and the heat building between them. Roman never made him feel hurried or expected in any type of way. It was nice just to linger in the sexual magnetism and chemicals intertwining them together. Q lifted up from Roman’s lap and took a seat back down beside him. Placing the blunt between Roman’s lips once again and letting go as he laid his head down into his lap. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked as he trailed his fingers along the actors jaw. Remembering how upset he was when he first showed up and hoping that maybe he had helped. Even if it was only in the smallest of ways.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Was he okay? The question played over in his brain like a skipping record while he lit the joint in his mouth for another toke. He needed to be so much higher than he was right now, to run from his thoughts and hope that everything would be alright tomorrow. Roman let his eyes flutter closed, inhaling a deep breath of fresh air as soon as he blew out the smoke from his lungs. “I will be.” He then replied, craning his neck so that he could look at the other male in his lap. “I’ve got you. How could I not be okay?” Roman asked next, and dropped a hand to start inching up under the hem of Quentin’s shirt once again. His fingertips grazed over the soft hairs below his coworker’s belly button where he knew Q was sensitive.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰

Quentin smiled softly at his friend’s response. He knew deep down that he was still hurting. He just hoped he could at least ease the pain even a little. Roman loved Khai so much, and knowing his friends now ex was going through something inevitably life changing. It couldn’t be easy for Roman to just sit here pretending everything was all okay. Q knew that. It wasnt like he was a heartless person, and even with knowing Roman loved him too, the guilt he felt over it must be eating him alive. None of this was going to get better for either of them in a blink of an eye. But Quentin loved Roman. He loved him more than life itself. So if Roman wanted to act like it was okay, or if he wanted to sob in his arms. He was going to be right there with him, holding him up. He started to get lost in his thoughts a little bit, thanks to the weed, but when Roman spoke again he let out a small chuckle. “That’s right! You do have me. You always have me” he grinned. His eyes shifting down to where Roman’s hand played with the hem of his shirt again. He could feel his fingers brush against his lower stomach and he breathed in a deep shaky breath. His abs sucking in and becoming more defined as his eyes shifted back to Roman. “Roman...” he exhaled with an overwhelming need. “Kiss me. Please...” he added. His free hand moving to make a fist in the fabric of his best friends shirt as the other trailed across his jaw to the back of his neck.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Never in his life had Roman been able to let down his walls like this, and not struggle to do so. It was like he wasn’t thinking about anything else other than Quentin anymore. He couldn’t remember why he’d been so closed off on the idea of love to begin with, when now he was feeling it like a slap in the face. He’d spent so much time wondering if maybe he was broken, and all along there was someone out there that was about to knock him on his ass. He’d also never wanted someone as bad as he wanted Q right now. His best friend. His partner in crime. The one person who could listen to all of his issues, and turn them around in an instant. So, when Quentin begged him for a kiss, he didn’t even flinch before leaning down, and pressing his lips to the other’s in a firm, but still gentle embrace. He’d been craving the taste of his mouth, which he promptly licked into with a low hum.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰

Looking back over the last couple of months you could almost laugh. Q and Roman have had so many talks about love. Where they stood with it all, the confusion that had with it, and why they were so closed off to it. Not once during any of those chats would you think this was there they were going to end up. Quentin had trust issues, and he deeply worried abandonment; and Roman was scared of being hurt or even worse hurting someone he truly loved. If only they could have realized this a little sooner, maybe they would have been the ones calling each other boyfriend right now. Instead, Roman’s walls were tumbling down, and Quentin was left raw. Completely trusting his best friend with his heart no matter what the outcome might be. This was love. It wasn’t just the desire they felt for each other, or the jealousy they felt when they were with another. It was much deeper than that. Quentin always felt like, if real love truly did exist, it would just happen without warning. But there was no way either of them could have prepared for something like this. It was like being punched in the gut in the most blissful and beautiful way. To be quite honest, he absolutely couldn’t get enough. He tilted his head just slightly to press his lips fervently into Roman’s. His chest rising and falling with the most intense emotions he had ever felt in his entire life. Who needed Molly when the rush he got from Roman Beckett left him completely breathless and euphoric. All he wanted to do was sink right into his skin and become one with him. But instead he pulled back after only a few moments. “I love you” he whispered against his best friends swollen lush lips.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

When Quentin said he loved him, it sparked something inside the actor that was completely unfamiliar to him. He thought he’d experienced everything by now, but apparently Q was going to continue keeping him on his toes. He’d gotten close with Khai, really close, but he’d never actually considered “making love” until right now. “I love you, too. Can we...maybe go to your bedroom?” Roman found himself asking so vulnerably. He barely even recognized himself, coming off almost shy in a way. This was out of his comfort zone, normally he’d just fuck Quentin right here on the couch, maybe pin him down by his throat, or ask for it in return. He knew this wasn’t something familiar to the other male either, but it just felt so...right in this moment.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

Quentin could feel his heart skip a beat when Roman repeated those three little words back to him. Sure, they said I love you to each other before. But right now, there was something much deeper behind it. Like they were finally letting go of any restraints they may have had, and were completely giving in to one another. The sound of Romans voice was like nothing Quentin had ever heard from him before. There was a soft vulnerability to it, and Q could feel his entire body render beneath his breath. “Yeah.. I’d like that” he responded with a soft delicacy. His eyes expressing a type of tenderness he never really showed. He lifted his head from Roman’s lap and stood over him as he held his hand out to take his. Lacing their fingers together and leading him toward his bedroom. We’re they about to make love? Quentin wasn’t really sure. All he knew for sure in this moment, was nothing ever felt this right.(edited)

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman was a switch in the bedroom, Quentin knew this by now, it just depended on what mood he was in. Tonight? He just wanted to take the reigns on this one, at least for right now. Roman felt the overwhelming need to lace his fingers with Q’s, playing with his fingers as he lead them back to the other’s room like it was his own, stepping past the doorway before he was turning around to face his lover. “I need you naked.” The actor’s voice was full of rasp, his hands now dropping down to tug at the hem of Quentin’s top, lifting it up past his abs while biting his lower lip. He was definitely staring, watching every inch of skin revealed to him until they were down to Q’s underwear.  “Fuck, you’re so damn hot. You know that?” Ro ran his hands over his coworker’s shoulders, down his arms, and ultimately stopping at his hands to weave their fingers together once again as he leaned in to join their lips.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

When it came to sex with Roman, Quentin never felt like he had to play a certain part. They could both be total switches, but when they were together, it was never like they needed to assign any specific role. Things just happened naturally between them. Like magic in the moonlight they easily conformed to whatever their bodies were telling them. Quentin could feel a shiver of desire run down his spin and straight to his dick when Roman spoke. His head nodding slowly before hooking his thumbs through the waistband of his sweats and pulling them down as instructed. He kicked them to the side as Roman’s fingertips traced over his abs. Running his hands over his shoulders and down his arms with such skillful movements, Q could barely breathe. He parted his lips to speak as his fingers wrapped tightly around Romans. But before he could even get anything to come out his lips were melting hopelessly into his lovers. A soft yearning whimper vibrating into their kiss as Quentin felt himself surrender.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Ro didn’t think he’d ever really heard Quentin whimper like that before, so when he did, it shot literally straight to his dick. Good LORD. That was hot. “I want you.” Roman breathed against the other’s lips, and then bit at the each one with a low growl. He realized quickly that he was still fully clothed, and stepped away only to pull off his shirt, and then step out of his skinny jeans. The actor’s eyes stayed locked on Q’s for a moment as he took him in once again, and then ended up tackling him onto the bed. Yeah, he wanted to go at this a little softer, but that didn’t mean he still wasn’t gonna be a little rough. He couldn’t help it. Roman immediately attached his lips to his lover’s neck once they were on the mattress, sucking, and biting at his skin while moving a hand between Quentin’s legs to start rubbing his crotch with the heel of his palm.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

God! He felt so dizzy right now. It the most blissful and euphoric way possible. He never thought that just hearing those words come from Roman’s lips could turn him on so much. “I want you too, baby” he breathed out with such a fierce craving as Roman bit at his lips. His hands moving to trail all over his lovers chest as he began to remove his clothing. Goddamn, this man was beautiful. Q couldn’t even take his eyes off of him for a moment. His hands now moving to grip at Romans waist as he tackled him down onto the bed. He let out a soft grunt as his back hit the mattress and he lulled his head back. The feeling of Romans lips on his neck as his hand moved between his legs causing him to moan and whimper with such an alluring desperation. “Roman... mmm” he forced out through a hard pleasurable breath. Using his long fingers to grip fervently at his lovers locks as he spread his legs even wider for him. “I love how you touch me, baby. I need you” he confessed. Yanking Ro’s head back by his hair to crash their lips together ravenously.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman knew Quentin was already getting a little desperate. To be frank, Ro was also ready to just pound him into the mattress, but the actor was trying for once to show some restraint. They could take things slow...right? Roman moved his lips against the other’s passionately, getting a good taste of him while he continued to rub his palm against Quentin’s growing erection. Fuck, he loved this man’s cock so much. Eventually, he pulled the length from his underwear so he could wrap his fingers around it, and begin to stroke him. The actor never once pulled his lips away from his coworker’s, massaging their tongues together in a heated makeout session while I rubbed on Q’s cock, running his thumb through precum with a moan.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

One thing about Quentin that many people didn’t know, was that even with his hopeless romantic ways. It took a lot to really break him out of his hard sexual domination. Even when he was simping for someone he had a particular way of keeping his most sensitive self at bay. When you could get Quentin to be really soft, that’s when you knew you really had him. It was pretty clear even now that he was struggling to keep his walls up. He trusted Roman and he loved this man so much. But there was definitely still a part of him that was a little scared. Not that he would ever admit to that. The way they were kissing right now was tearing him down wall by wall, and his soft whimpers became more vulnerable than desperate. Their tongues intertwining together in such a pure capitulation as his grip on Roman’s hair loosened. “Roman..” he whispered with such a soft lustful adoration. “I want you to make love to me.” He wrapped his free hand lightly around his coworkers wrist as he was stroking him, using his thumb to gently caress the back of his hand as he moaned quietly.January 1, 2021

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

This was the second time in his life he’d ever been asked to make love to someone, and it was still just as surreal. Roman believed in romance, it was hard not to when he and Quentin said all the things they’d said. But, actions were different, and right now they were being forced to break down those last few walls and finally give into each other. Ro blinked down at Q for a moment with a slight smirk on his lips, just watching the other male as he continued to stroke him until he finally made the move to reach for the lube. It wasn’t long until Roman had his lips back on Quentin’s, kissing him deeply while his fingers explored his heat, stretching him out, and massaging the pads of his fingers against the other’s prostate nice and slow. They had all the time in the world to enjoy this, and Ro was going to make sure Q was ready for him.January 2, 2021

Quentin

This was the first time Quentin had ever asked anyone to make love to him. Maybe he used those words a time or two before, but never with the same intentions he was feeling right now. He wanted to become one with Roman. For him to feel exactly what he was feeling inside. With the way Roman was looking at him right now though, he was sure he could see right through him. His eyes were glossing over with such a deep burning passion as the pleasure his lover was giving him pulsated throughout his entire body. It was like with every stroke he supplied another wall came crashing down around them. His face contorting into the most blissfully and beautiful way as his lover pushed his fingers into his heat and explored his hidden pleasures. “Mmmm...Shit” he moaned softly against Romans lips as he lifted his hips up from the mattress. Pressing up into his lovers hand as his lips parted against his mouth. “Romie..” he whispered breathlessly as his lips curved up into a seductive grin. “God.. that feels so good. “Mmm... I need you closer” he insisted. His fingers clawing hopelessly at his lovers skin to pull him in impossibly closer.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman knew Quentin was enjoying this, getting doted on and pleasuring like he always should be. Ro loved taking his time with Q, making sure to open him up just the way he should be, that he was feeling as much pleasure as possible with even just a finger. “I can’t wait to be inside of you...” Roman whispered, and then brushed his nose along the line of Quentin’s jaw until deciding to nuzzle near his ear while he added another finger inside his lover. He scissored them in and out of his tight heat, making sure to hook them upwards towards Quentin’s prostate each time he entered.

Quentin.

God, he really did love this. The pleasure he was feeling was so unhurried and yet intense. It was all a bit overwhelming, but in the best possible way ever. His hand moving to rub Romans growing girth over his underwear as he brushed the side of his face against his lovers. “I can’t wait either. I wanna make you feel so good” he managed to breath out between soft whimpers and moans. Hooking his leg over Roman’s hip and rolling onto his side to face him. “I want these off” he instructed with a slight tug against his underpants. Helping the best he could to get them off before moving one of his hands to cup Roman’s face. Kissing him again with a slow and intimate entanglement of their lips as his tongue fervently explored his lovers mouth. Their chest pressing so close together he could swear their hearts were beating as one. As his other hand wrapped loosely around his lovers length to stroke him slow and diligently.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman actually chuckled when Quentin started getting insistent on the removal of his underwear. “Okay, okay, they’re coming off!!” How is it that after all this time together, Quentin still managed to make him feel all swoopy? It was like that addicting puppy love feeling that he’d never been able to experience growing up. Roman had spent years believing he was broken when really it just took the right person, at the right time. Ro threw his underwear into the floor before he was back over Quentin, hooking his thumbs into the sides of his friend’s briefs so he could tug them off in record timing. “Keep your eyes on me.” The actor then instructed, but not at all in a demanding way. His voice was soft, reassuring as he leaned down to start placing thoughtful kisses all the way down his coworker’s stomach. He made a trail down the center of his abs, the heat of his breath just slightly flirting with the skin below Quentin’s belly button while his hand once again found its way around his lover’s cock. His thumb made a trail across the slit, coating the pad of his finger before he used it as lube to start stroking the younger.January 3, 2021

Quentin.

It was so obvious. Quentin was in complete awe of this man. Even the sound of his laughter had him feeling all electric inside. He was perfect. Every movement of his fingers, the softness of his lips. Quentin couldn’t imagine love feeling like another other than this. He nodded his head and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as Roman instructed him to keep his eyes on him. The tone of his lovers voice alone causing him to feel all hot and tingly. Sucking in his stomach as Roman’s hot breath sent electric waves all throughout his being. “Mmm... baby” he purred. His lip popping from his teeth as his mouth parted with desire. Jesus, Roman either really knew what he was doing right now, or Quentin was dreaming the best dream he ever had in his entire life. His hands moving to his lovers shoulders as his nails bit into his skin. Sure this was slow and intimate, and they were really taking their time with each other. But Quentin knew what Roman liked, what he liked, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with a little intense intimacy.January 4, 2021

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Hearing Quentin say baby like that, it was an ethereal experience. It was one of those moments that shot arousal through every nerve ending, making the actor shiver as his teeth grazed his lover’s lower abs. After a few more drags of his lips, Ro finally decided to rub his them against the tip of Q’s dick, coating his mouth in pre cum in the most obscene way before deciding to take the other balls deep. He gagged a little on the length, but then managed to relax his throat around Quentin, taking him like a champ as he bobbed up and down. His fingers were inching up Q’s legs, gripping his thighs, and then trailing up to drag his nails over the younger’s nipples with a moan around his cock.January 6, 2021

Quentin.

It was so hard to look at Roman right now. He was so fucking beautiful and Q knew if he kept watching him working on his cock like that, he was gonna blow his load without any type of warning. “Oh, my, god” he gasped with pleasure as his cock flexed in the back of Roman’s throat. His fingers clenching so hard at whatever part of his lover he could grab onto as his hips lifted up from the mattress. Holy shit! Roman really fucking knew what he was doing with that mouth. His entire body riddling with goosebumps as his head lulled back against the pillow. “*Mmm, Romie.. fuck baby” he moaned in the most pleasurable way. His toes practically curling with pleasure as his lovers nails raked over his nipples. Shooting an intense amount of orgasmic waves throughout his entire body. “Fuuuu...” he gasped. Almost forgetting to breath as his hips jerked up and thrusted in and out of  Romans mouth.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Pretty much everyone who knew Roman, knew how much the boy loved cock. Sucking it, riding it, playing with it. He was a cock slut at its finest, but with Quentin? It was so much more than that. He was so in love with this man, obsessed even, if he was being completely transparent. It was evident in the way he was staring at the other through his lashes while he bobbed up and down on his length. He wanted to make Q feel as good as possible, to work him up to his edge before deciding to take this further. He was going to make love to his best friend, just like he’d been asked to, and try and time it in a way they could both come completely undone together. Ro moved a hand between Quentin’s legs to begin prodding at his heat, just teasing him for now with the tip of his finger as his tongue swirled on the head of his lover’s cock.

Quentin.

There were no words to describe what was happening in this room right now. It was like they were on another level with one another. Getting lost in one another’s eyes while his body shook with the most intense pleasure. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold out on letting go. But the second he felt Roman’s fingers teasing his heat, he completely gave in. His entire body visibly trembling as his mouth gaped open. He was so sure he was about to cum, but instead his body curled in. Sitting up and wrapping his arms around his lover to pull him up over him. “I need you. I wanna feel you” he practically whispered against his best friends cheek. Reaching down between them to guide Roman’s tip along his heat.January 7, 2021

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman rubbed his cheek against the others when he was pulled close, feeling their scruff together in the most arousing way. God, all he could think about now was Quentin’s stubble on the soft skin of his inner thighs. Fuck!! “Mmm baby...want me to use lube?” He whispered near his lovers ear before deciding to kiss it, taking Q’s earlobe between his teeth to gently nibble. He was thrusting forward while the other male guided him, pressing against his entrance while he waited for an answer. He wanted inside of him so damn bad, but he also didn’t want to hurt his baby. Not that Quentin was concerned about that, but Ro figured he could be for the both of them.(edited)January 8, 2021

Quentin.

It wasn’t hard to tell that Quentin was in a bit of a love drunk haze as Roman kissed his ear. He just wanted to feel Roman against him, and he was just so fucking ready. His head nodding slowly to his lovers question before he began moving his free hand to feel around on the bed for the tube. “Be gentle” he grinned a bit cheekily as he handed the lube to his lover. Knowing damn well Roman knew he was just being a little brat. Holding his hand open for Roman to squirt some lube out before stroking his cock slow and hard. “Does that feel good baby?” he asked in a low seductive tone before kissing his neck. His thumb paying extra attention to his lovers tip before guiding him back to his entrance.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman’s breaths were coming out heavy, and shuttered as his lover stroked him with the lube. Wow, that felt so fucking good. Of course it couldn’t even compare to how he was about to feel inside of Quentin, but having this man touch him in any way was always so fucking satisfying. “Q...” Ro moaned, and immediately began to thrust forward to begin sliding into the other male’s tight heat. It was quite the stretch, so he was really trying to concentrate on going nice and slow. “Oh my god.” He huffed out, and then rubbed his lips against Quentin’s ear, his hands fisting the sheets on either side of the younger’s head. “You feel so good, baby.”(edited)January 10, 2021

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰

There was just something so intimate about the way Roman pushed himself into him. His movements so slow and unhurried. Leaving Q to unravel with soft lustful moans as his lips lifted to meet his lovers. “ughhh.... baby. You feel so good too” he managed to breathe out through his heavy breaths. His hands moving to grip onto his best friends as as he pulled him even deeper into his heat. “Fuuuu...” he whimpered with a pleasurable sigh. Grinding his hips into Roman’s as he lifted his head just slightly to connect his lips to his lovers shoulder. There was literally nothing better than this moment right now. His body was literally trembling with how much desire he had for this man. “Roman...*” he moaned softly against his skin. His legs clamping around his waist to hold him so deep inside of him as he continued to rock against him.January 12, 2021

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Roman had never tried so hard to make sure someone was comfortable in bed, as he was right now. He was gently rocking his cock in and out of his lover’s tight heat, small moans coming in between. His whole body was writhing with pleasure, and he hoped Q was feeling even better with the way he was grinding against his prostate. “Yeah baby?” Ro moaned when he heard his name, waiting for Quentin to answer while he placed slow, wet kisses to his coworker’s neck. “You sound so good like this.”January 14, 2021

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

Roman’s movements were so slow and precise. Rocking his body with the most intense and euphoric pleasures he had ever felt. There was just something so different about really taking your time. It was almost like Quentin could feel his lovers cock throbbing throughout his entire body. “I love you” he breathed out through his hard lust filled breaths. His hands moving to grip at his lovers hair as his arms wrapped securely around his neck. He pressed their foreheads together and looked deep into Roman’s dark eyes as he continued to thrust up against him. His lips parting fervently as his back slightly arched off the mattress. “Mmm... God! You’re so fuckin beautiful” he whispered through shaky breathes of pleasure. His eyes practically rolling to the back of his head as he moved one of his hands wrap around Roman’s neck. “Uuhhh.. you feel so good. Harder” he demanded. His tone was soft but his grip was firm as he pressed his thumb profoundly against Roman’s Adam’s apple.

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Quentin was gorgeous. Everything about him, his sharp features, and crinkly eyed smile. He loved the way he spoke, the way he thought about things. He loved his personality, and how much he was willing to do for others. There’s a reason Q had been his best friend for so long, and now he was his lover. Even on the darkest of days, Roman could feel better knowing he had Quentin. The actor gasped when he felt his boyfriend’s hand tighten around his throat, trying to focus on what he’d even been told to do, which was go harder. He began snapping his hips in a faster rhythm, making small noises mixed with ragged breaths whenever they would make their way past Q’s grip. It wasn’t gonna be long until he needed to cum, but he was trying his best to hold off.(edited)January 16, 2021

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

There wasn’t anyone else in the world who could really see Quentin the way that Roman did. Their connection was so strong on so many levels. It was like each time their eyes met they could see right into one another’s souls. He never felt like he had to hide anything, or compete for his affection. It was almost like looking directly into a mirror. Even with their difference, when they came together, they came together as one. Quentin never felt so safe, so loved, so taken care of. Even now with the way Roman snapped his hips harder into him. There was a kind of passion to it he knew he couldn’t get from anyone else. “Mmm... Romie” he grinned with pleasure as he continued to look deep into his eyes. Moving his hand back to his lovers ass to pull him in deeper as the other hand continued to grip firm at his neck. “Fuck.... you’re so deep baby” his lips parted with a lust filled gasp as his fingers teased at Roman’s heat. Decidedly pushing into him as he fingered him nice and slow.January 17, 2021

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

Fuck, there really wasn’t a much better feeling than fucking Q while being fingered. It was making the actor feel lightheaded, or maybe that was from the grip at his throat. Pleasure was pulsing through his veins all the way out to every nerve ending, his lips tingling, and parted. Quentin looked so damn good like this as well, in the throes of pleasure. Roman was the one making him feel that way as well, and that was the best part. “Q...” his voice was so pitiful as he tried to speak, hips thrusting as hard as his could physically muster without exploding prematurely. He dropped halfway down against his boyfriend so that he could reach between the other’s legs, and start steadily pumping his cock. He wanted Quentin to cum all over them both, and direct stimulation was exactly what he knew the younger needed to reach his peak.

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

God! Roman sounded so fucking sexy right now. The look in his eyes topped with the rasp in his voice was doing things to his body he couldn’t even explain. This man could probably get him off without even touching him. But when he did touch him, goddamn!! It was like fireworks exploding throughout his entire being. His hips jerking up against his lovers strong hand as he stroked him with just enough pressure to really send him soaring over the edge. “Fuuuuck baby” he growled through his gritting teeth. His hips involuntarily jerking and thrusting harder than they had been before as his orgasm took over his body. His hot sticky cum shooting all over his and his lovers chest in the throes of passion as he pulled his fingers from his boyfriends heat. He wrapped his legs tightly around his lovers waist to force him even deeper into him. As the most erotic whimpers fell  from his lips. The feeling of Roman’s cock flexing firm against his prostate causing his entire body to tremble as he loosened his grip on his neck and crashed their lips together.(edited)January 18, 2021

❝𝓡✮м𝕒𝐍 ❜❜ 

There were a lot of things Roman loved about having sex with Quentin. Yeah, he was gorgeous, sexy, all of that - so of course it was gonna be amazing, but the look on his face when he came? That was the prize, and not even just because it looked so hot. He loved this man. That kind of love that keeps you up all night, consumes your every thought to the point when you’re not with that person, you just think about when you’ll see them again. Roman wanted to make Q feel good all day every day, and being able to make him cum like this? It was a feeling he couldn’t explain. “I love you...” the actor muttered as soon as they’d both come down a little from their high — Roman having filled up his lover with his own cum, both of them still tangled together, completely connected. He took a moment to admire his lover, green eyes scaling over the younger’s face while his fingers lifted to trail through his sweat dampened hair. He realized he’d never really felt this particular way before, just...happy. “You’re really beautiful. You know that?”January 19, 2021

✰ 𝓠ᴜᴇɴᴛɪɴ ✰ 

“I love you too. I love you so fucking much” he breathed out through his hard breaths. His arms wrapping tightly around Roman’s neck and pulling him down for a deep and languid kiss. His heart was beating so hard and slow he could swear it was gonna pound right out of his chest. He really did love this man so much. So so so much. He wasn’t even sure how he didn’t even noticed it before. He knew he liked Roman. But this? This was the kind of love that just sneaks up on you and makes you feel like your entire life before it was a lie. He needed Roman like he needed air. This man consumed him in every possible way there was to be consumed and he was loving every minute of it. He was his, and his alone. It didn’t matter what happened after they left this room. He belonged to Roman, and there wasn’t a single thing he wouldn’t do for him to make sure he was happy every single day of his life.